#i will probably make a video about it one day or sth bc omg i cant stop thinking about it

[theshy1sout]

Okay, so

I finally got my bf into reading Homestuck. I was on a phone call with him as he read it at loud, voice-acting and stuff, while I was drawing. Today he reached the Dave first appearance and he discovered Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff.

You have to understand that I always thought that this comics was just a stupid joke that only Hussie understands and finds funny. Bc the moment I saw the page with the dog (you know which one) I left the comics and never looked at it again. Until today.

My boyfriend read every single page of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff in complete silence. I asked him what's wrong, and he said "This is extremely sad". I was confused so he started explaining to me how this comics is a way little Dave was coping with trauma of living with his abusive brother. I didn't believe that, so I started reading the comics again and you know what?

Imagine adult Dirk, being completely under Lord English control, going shopping with little Dave and destroying supermarket in frustration of not finding anything that Calliborn would recognize as a food, being arrested by police in process and leaving little Dave alone hidden somewhere in the shop.

Imagine little Dave being pushed from the stairs so many times by his bro, he drew a caricature of himself pushing his bro off the stairs in revenge. Or being regularly beaten so hard and often, so he drew comics in which his brother got beaten up, shitted on and even brutally killed.

Imagine little Dave being so hungry (bc of course brother didnt give him proper food) he literally threw himself at a Subway sandwich machine during idk a walk with his bro (probably) and tried to steal some food or even just smell the actual normal food and while doing so got abandoned by his brother. Again.

Of course we can't interpret this way every single page of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, but come on, if you start seeing it, you cant stop sensing that every single page is either a way Dave coped with a traumatic experience or a way he kind of got revenge on his brother in a way his brother wouldn't understand and notice and beat him up for doing so.

I searched internet for so long and can't find a single person who would interpret it this way. Am I wrong though??

It gets better. As we know, Dave from universe B also drew this comic. And we even got a directly explained to us interpretation: he started drawing it as a simple comic (probably to cope with the loneliness). Then when Batterwitch became a real danger and he saw that but couldn't react directly, he started using his comics as a way to show what Betty Crocker was really like. So we also had this two characters, one represented Betty Crocker and the second one represented society, and they had this very abusive relationship that had references to situations in real life in Universe B.

So my theory (or more like my bfs theory) is that Dave from universe A was using his comics for the same exact thing. He drew situations from his life in a unreadable for others way (and also no one taught him how to draw or write, and maybe later he kept the shitty format so it's unreadable and too shitty for his brother to read) to cope with trauma. We see in this comics that Sweet Bro is shaving himself above Jeffs face while he sleeps, a thing that Dave's bro could definitely do. We see some pages of Dave trying to understand sport, economy and politics in his own way, bc his brother of course didn't teach him shit. And we even got a page that might suggest that Dave was sexually molested by his bro. There are many scenes of Bro being abusive to Jeff or Jeff getting his revenge. We also have Geromy, a possible interpretation of John, and on one page Jeff (Dave) tries to come to Geromy's (John's) place to visit him, but he can't and he drowns instead (which is so sad???).

I could go through every single page with this interpretation. I think some pages being a foreshadowings for what is happening later in Homestuck is just an additional joke, Hussie loves having layers of meta twists and many unrelated things relating or referencing each other for no reason. I don't think the comics is Dave's unconscious traveling through time and revealing the future, bc if so then we would see every single page of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff being a foreshadowing, and they are not. I also think that the huge wink to the audience was the scene of Dave being pushed by his bro down the stairs and we see him falling with accompaniment of a little panel of Jeff saying "I warned you about the stairs, bro". For me this is a visible hint that this is what this page of the comics was about, it was a way of coping with trauma, it was Dave drawing his brother falling down the stairs and himself saying probably a line that his brother irl was saying to him a lot.

Dave drew his life. His own horror of a life and it was probably more terrifying than he revealed in act 6.

Do you remember the iconic "bro hug" from Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff? A hug from his bro, sth that Dave really needed and wanted, a simple hug that he was very nervous to asked for, he literally drew himself hugging his brother in his second comic, and then we have the very same scene of Davepeta and Arquius hugging (part of them was Dave hugging Dirk, even if artificial), and then we have the exactly opposite of the scene between actual Dave and Dirk, when instead of enthusiastic "we're doing it bro, its happening, were making it" it's Dave saying "fuck forgive me for what I'm doing, this is so messed up fuck" and it's not even full embrace like in his comic, it's awkwardly side by side hug when they didn't even sit on the same level (like in the comic or with sprites), no, Dave is lower, he's smaller, he's scared, he cant face his brother, he wants to but he can't and this is just aaaansnanbska dmnsksnsdkydykdky

Can someone talk about this comic more? This flashy shitty documentary of Dave's life drawn by idk maybe 8 years old Dave ? The more I read Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, the more depressed I am, cause this is so sad if I'm right about it. I really wish it was just stupid colorful comic without any deeper meaning, just faking to have one or sth....

Also I think Geromy is black bc either Dave didn't know how John looks like so he imagined him being somewhat similar to his fav president Obama or maybe he was just trying to make John's character as unlike John as possible so no one would suspect a thing. Or maybe he just imagine himself being friends with young Obama, who knows.

After editing this chaotic rambling I have two more things as a prove for my theory. One is picture above, and second is what Hussie said about Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff:

“SBaHJ is absolutely inseparable from HS, and has been almost from the start. If you don't understand this, then you don't understand HS very well. SBaHJ is like the mentally handicapped step brother of MSPA, requiring special attention, but no less cherished as a part of the family. It was originally intended as the chief source of in-house memes for dialogue, but this is ultimately a superficial purpose. Though it only has 20+ strips, it contains a pretty dense and internally consistent language of recurring symbols and typo-driven grammars, applicable as a rich sub-cognitive lexicon for highlighting elusive elements woven into the mythology of the story which tend to be shrouded in the unconscious.”

[happyhippystuff]

brain dump

- is it normal to feel increasingly okay with not seeing the bf? at the start of CB, i struggled a bit with not being able to meet the bf and he was q busy with work + let’s be honest, there’s rly nothing much that can happen except drama/ eat/ sleep. we are in day 10 (... or 11?) now and i am finding myself very okay. sometimes it scares me a little bc my mind would wander off to well, then what is the point of being tgt if we are both so okay alone but i guess it is healthy to be able to live without each other - that just means that we r both independent people? i don’t know, but the bf does make my life better bc!!! i get so excited when he does random things like initiate a zoom video altho we r rly not talking people or send me random stuff or just little things. but yahhhh, i guess a part of me is just afraid that he will realise how his life is actually okay (or even, tragically better) w/o me and he decides that he doesn’t want me anymore HAHAHA 

- one thing that has rly rly been giving me a fair bit of anxiety is rly the lack of a job (!!!!!!) and if i don’t catch myself, i’ll fall into omg-i-shouldn’t-have-quit or you-loser-you-should-have-just-sucked-it-up bc!! i rly rly feel like i am wasting my time, and being unproductive and b r o k e. but i am learning to turn my eyes to God and to learn to trust in His provision for a job that is for me, and that He will open doors. sometimes it feels like i am just trying to convince myself but YES, there WILL be opened doors even if the economy makes it seem like it is HOPELESS. 

- j called me very randomly for a catch up two days ago, and it was one of the best conversation i have had this year. sometimes, i am amazed at how God works bc she was telling me how she was feeling very very unusually disappointed the night before, and that very morning, i felt an unbearable sense of disappointment towards God too. and she had no idea when she called me until i said “yah maybe i am disappointed at God”. Spiritually, it has been such a drought for me and i don’t even know how i got here but i guess God always meets you where you are at. 

Some takeaways: 

--> when you are no longer an infant, you do not need milk but you need solid food. as much as i wish to always be a baby and be fed with milk, but as i continue to grow in my walk with God, i need to learn how to find my own food when i am hungry if not i will just keep starving??? and eventually die. was telling j that whenever i feel like i m in a spiritual drought, it was always easy to get back - God will just come and encounter me and ta da~ but this time it just feels so much more effortful. but i guess, it is about my own spiritual discipline as well. and growing. 

--> when you are disappointed at God, it just means that you want whatever you desire more than God. and what you desire might not even be bad because it is the good, pleasing and perfect will of God. what is pleasing and perfect to God? 

i don’t think i have really spoken much or openly to people about this, because i just don’t want to seem like i am making a big fuss. but i think sth that i am/was really disappointed with God is probably in the area of mental health....... bc i always felt like He has promised me restoration and healing - from the very first day that i have decided on recovery one two many years ago. sometimes i wishhhhhh i could just have a swap with someone for a day bc i just want to have a feel of what its like to not be me. i also wish, i could adequately articulate how i rly rly feel but i am learning, to more intentionally submit my emotions to God and rewire my brain acc. to the Bible bc emotions can be so so deceitful. 

and i can only trust and wait on the Lord to restore the years to me that the locusts have eaten.