#i will probably delete this later lol. i don't and will not respond to anon hate so anyone who sends it is wasting their breath essentially | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dreamcrow · 1 year ago

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20 questions

i was tagged by several people (thank you @niemalsetwas, @babblish, and @creativenicocorner), who in doing so have conveniently eliminated many of the people i would have thought to tag myself, haha. let's see... @falling-hand-in-unlovable-hand, @eri-223, @sidhewrites, if you like? plus anyone else who would like to steal.

1.) how many works do you have on ao3?

41 posted; 0 drafts.

2.) what's your total ao3 word count?

189,246. (?!)

3.) what fandoms do you write for?

oh, ask not for whom the hyperfixation tolls. (toa, obviously.) i do have a few fics i've deleted, though, in fandoms i don't currently have any fics for. maybe i should republish them on anon? 🤔

4.) what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

in my sleep i dreamed of waking

all that dazzling dawn has put asunder

it's a lovely day in stricklake month

misc. trollhunters prompts

sophisticated/manipulated

oh...they're (almost) all str/icklake, lol. and so old! is it strange that i feel so disaffected by this? well, probably not. a good lesson in kudos being merely a measurement of "how many times people pushed the kudos button," i suppose.

5.) do you respond to comments? why or why not?

i try to! part of my general attitude of "fandom is a conversation." i worry i don't always have all the spoons to make my replies what i feel they "should" be, but i do always want to convey my gratitude for people taking the time to leave a comment at all.

6.) what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

oh, that's easy: notstantinoplefic! unfortunately it's not yet approached something even remotely publishable, so that probably means very little. ¯\_( ᐛ )_/¯

other than that...probably the first or second parts of minor arcana. probably the first, more than the second. skrael's chapter ends on something awful but he's about to enjoy a good bit of (however fleeting) catharis; bellroc however doesn't get any closure for what happens in their chapter until they meet nari, a couple centuries later.

7.) what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

...do i have a fic that doesn't have an ultimately happy ending? 😂 oh, i am too soft. even the horrible vicious ancient wizard gods tend to go out with full stomachs, warm beds, and someone on their side.

8.) do you get hate on fics?

i'll not lie: i have glimpsed the occasional drama from over my meticulously-curated rose hedge. but most of it seems to be from children, and for all my various weaknesses, i think i can survive being vagueblogged by people who aren't old enough to vote. if not: my anon is on ╮ (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) ╭

9.) do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i am ATTEMPTING. most of the smut i've ever read has left me generally ??? baffled, glazing over, skipping through (without animus) to the next part. again, this is not the fault of the author; it's true even of things i can tell objectively are well-written, titillating, otherwise universally acclaimed. but i enjoy thinking about character exercises, and i am not completely untemptable, so this year i've been trying to make some progress on my longtime agenda of "get the horrible bird wizard railed."

...none of which is terribly apparent given that none of it is published, ofc! but. hopefully. that may change in the not-too-distant future.

10.) do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

tbh i am very picky about crossovers. but i must admit... skraelroc necro/cav au... a man is Considering

11.) have you ever had a fic stolen?

i've had people repost my art, which (as someone who does not think of himself as an even remotely skilled artist) was very surprising. but never fic.

12.) have you ever had a fic translated?

none that i know of.

13.) have you ever co-written a fic before?

the closest i've ever come is probably blue wizard boyfriends, which is inspired by some rp shenanigans between a friend and me. but even so, my take on douxie in that series has diverged quite a bit from hers! so it doesn't really feel like "cowriting."

14.) what's your all-time favorite ship?

as your #1 friendly neighborhood degenerate not-even-actually-incest pornographer, i simply must say: nothing quite hits like a ship you literally invented

15.) what's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

to be completely honest, i do still feel the occasional pang of nostalgia for my gr/avity f/4lls fic. i had a lot of world built for it, a whole sequence/interaction arc for the characters (and not just the couple). unfortunately, even this many years later—even if i never got directly harassed—the nastiness of that fandom has still left a very strong impression on me. it was the first time i think i ever saw a/ntis in action, and i don't think i have any desire to pick that story up again.

16.) what are your writing strengths?

...worldbuilding? present tense, apparently. 😂 i've also been told i have a knack for—ah, how did he put it. understated emotional closeup shots? i think of such kind comments often, haha.

17.) what are your writing weaknesses?

discipline. not using too many semicolons. recently: not using paired adjectives. mainstream fanon. not going back over published work and finding a billion small things to fix (though i'm getting better at this).

18.) thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

...mainly: "you're lucky i didn't make myself learn actual ancient egyptian for all those dumb little skraelroc shmoop fics i keep setting in ancient egypt"

otherwise? i err on the side of under-doing it, but i love doing this. i love seeing this in fic, even if it's not a language i know. it's like a little easter egg!!

19.) first fandom you wrote for?

a very old anime fandom which i will not be revealing on main. probably twenty years ago, at this point. almost certainly on ff.net.

20.) favorite fic you've ever written?

oh, i'm not sorry. i am thinking of minor arcana so often these days, but i really am pretty proud of it. even now, more than a year later! once i have the time to go through and fine-tune everything, i'm going to bind it. it's a very weird fic, probably, but one that is nevertheless (or perhaps because of this?) very dear to my heart.

#q&a #wip tag #ask games #i am emotional! how am i supposed to send emails now

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aboxthecolourofheartache · 1 year ago

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20 questions for fic writers meme, tagged by @chubsthehamster -- thank you, friend! :D

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

42 at the moment

2. What’s your total ao3 word count?

269,795. Almost half of that is one fic though, lol

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently most active in Trigun, perennially/intermittently active in Nirvana in Fire, currently dormant in CritRole, and hiatus in Sandman. Interests wax and wane! And who knows what I'll discover next? Not me, that's for sure.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Mate, I write mostly gen fic. I'm not here for the numbers. A kudos means that a whole human being with thoughts of their own spent some of their precious moments on God's green earth reading my thoughts and kinda liked 'em.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! ...........eventually. sometimes several years later. And why? I dunno, it just feels polite? Also human connection, even digital. That's a thing.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably Inference, but that's just because of the canonical main character death. Visitation Hours is bleak in implication, not in actual ending. My definition of "angst" does not always align with readers' definitions of "angst," which can be hilarious for me when I get weepy reactions on something I thought was relatively lighthearted.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I do 'equivocal' better than 'happy,' I think? The goal is emotional resolution or emotional discordance. Happy's incidental, which almost certainly means I don't write a lot of happy endings by the standard measure.

8. Do you get hate on fic?

Not hate so much as people who are belligerently confused? I get some bonkers fucking comments and anons sometimes, which I delete, a smattering of entitled weirdos, and a sprinkle of (typically unintentionally) back-handed compliments.

9. Do you write smut?

Nope! Suggestive, sure. Dirty language, if relevant. Implication, when called-for. Smut? Nope.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I have written a short series of crossovers between Machineries of Empire and Nirvana in Fire. Haven't written any since, but they're not off the table.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yup! More plagiarism than theft in entirety, though. At least once had someone lift a whole scene, dialogue, phrasing and all, and claim it as their own with obvious intent to get mileage without credit. And I have happened upon recognizable lines from my fics in other fics enough times to have several nickles. I get miffed about the latter, but the charitable assumption is just that it was a phrase fresh in their minds/recalled without association.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Into Russian, I think? Godspeed, fanfic translators, the strongest of us all.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've co-written original stuff before, but I don't think I could ever do it again, original or fanfic. Not that it wasn't a pleasant experience at the time!

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

I don't have a favorite ship, but I do have a favorite dynamic, which is the mutual "you're the only motherfucker in this club who can handle me" a la that one Lorde tweet. The buckwildness has to be compatible, preferably complimentary. We're not talking enabling, though that can be part of it. It doesn't even have to be a ship. That grok/trust combination.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

Look, I don't know what WIPs are going to get finished until I post them, okay?

16. What are your writing strengths?

I like character studies! And I feel like I am getting better at limited points of view, though they keep wanting to slide omniscient.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Same-hatting with @chubsthehamster here: plot. What the characters are doing in any given story is largely just to break up the dialogue and introspection. Things happening? They don't, sorry. Gotta work on this.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

For straight dialogue in another language, it's still dialogue, and it still has to serve the story, so if it makes more sense to drop it untranslated, drop it untranslated. If the reader needs to know what's being said, italics or paraphrase.

For mixed languages, it's totally situational and depends on the character, too. Did they just get back from an exchange program in France and they're insufferable about it? Are they a very new second language speaker? Are they an expat? A bilingual parent who wants their child to grow up speaking one language preferentially? An academic, or someone who learned their whole vocabulary based on a single vocation (ie: a doctor who can get by using Spanish in a medical scenario but not outside the clinic)? All of that is going to influence their speech pattern.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Nirvana in Fire!

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Just as interests wax and wane, I like some fics more and some less, and today's favorite could be tomorrow's cringe.

Please consider yourself tagged if you see this and would like to play! @ me, if you like!

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queen--kenobi · 2 years ago

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Ok wait this popped up in the suggested posts after you answered my ask, and I know it’s now changed (lol) but what was this????

Oh holy shit I'd forgotten about that!

Uuuhhh so. Unfortunately I was a Kylo girlie (which is probably why I'm so good at identifying and calling out Crosshair girlies bullshit, but that's neither here nor there). But. I was starting to come to my senses, right? I hadn't posted anything about Kylo for several months and wasn't even really in the SW fandom anymore

I get a follow from a blog called kyle-ron-hateblog. Okay, whatever. Tbh I'm starting to get it too and realizing yeah I was fucking obnoxious. And then they send me this long ass message about how awful Kylo is and how awful I am for liking him. So naturally I screenshot it and sent it to the gc of my college living group. I don't respond to their message because I'm keeping it to make fun of them

I then do some digging. I am the only person kyle-ron-hateblog follows, and it's fairly obvious it was made just to send hate to me. Again, screenshot, send to the gc

They delete not even 15 min later. Like I think within 5 min. And then I get a new message from someone just apologizing profusely and talking about how they shouldn't have done that, and all that kind of stuff. And given a) the fast response time and b) I had only told my living group about this. You know, probably was one of them. Certainly someone I knew irl

Anyway. That's the wildest anon hate I've received

#persephone speaks

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jangofctts · 3 years ago

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dealing with a plagiarist is probably one of the most tiresome things to deal with as a writer. though there were other reasons i left a former writing app a few years back, one of the motives was the blatant plagiarism. i was particularly passionate about an original character i made and a follower seemed to feel the same. they would comment and i would reply and we’d have these fun little interactions. that alone made me very delighted as it would make any writer. you've poured the utmost time and effort on and someone likes it!

but, y’know.

i don't know how to say this without sounding too far up my bootyhole, but there are forms of admiration that can be harmless, but when it starts to become toxic (eg. hyper-competition, plagiarism, jealousy) that's where i draw the line.

it started small, with a copy of my character's appearance which wasn’t something i found myself to be too uneasy about. then, the person proceeded to duplicate things like my character’s mannerisms, personality, morals, backstory, and more in their works. i also started to notice that their writing style became quite analogous to mine down to the way i talked or interacted with others on the net even. to say it was creepy was an understatement.

after it went on for a bit, i mustered enough courage. i confronted them and i was disappointed that i already knew that they would be defensive. i addressed plagiarism specifically publicly without mentioning their @ and not even moments later they responded, disregarding my concerns further and even going as far as to insult me.

i was already tired of the app, but after that, i was done. i told my supporters that i was leaving, not wanting to give the person any more chances to leech off of anything i did.

thankfully, i’ve been told by one of my trusted muts and closest friend today that they have since then stopped production of the story and deleted it, because several commenters said things along the lines of, “hey, this reminds of...” or “i’m getting [...] vibes from this,” but the person kind of just went off like it never happened. frustrating, but a bittersweet win, i guess.

i want to am sorry you’re dealing with that hot mess.😞 we’ve got you, keida! you have such an amazing following and supporters who acknowledge your exquisite, remarkable talents and I can see it— seriously, these anons are incredible. we’ll stand by you no matter what this person may try to accomplish by doing something so harmful to you who has put so much into what she does. we appreciate you!

sorry for the essay🥲

ahhh thank you so much for this. not happy that it happened but glad it’s a shared experience lol

like, it’s just so exhausting bc yeah, they rewrote shit and like when comparing their fics to mine you can TELL it’s similar and like idk uhg. and the worst part of it is, half of it is my fault too. like when we were friends they would ask for “ideas” or like ask me to write parts of their fic and bc i was dumb i did. i just didnt realize the amount of my work in their fic until they published their stuff and like after we stopped being friends it just continued so um uhg whack

#ill vibes #ask #keida answers

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not-poignant · 4 years ago

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Hi! As a struggling author I wanted to ask you for advice. Of course, if that's not bothering.

I had a 6 years break from creative writing. Not even a single word. Recently I wanted to write a story that was growing inside me during that time and here come the troubles. I have a hard time reading, editing and rewriting the first chapter of my story. I have no problem with fixing the rest of it. It goes more or less smoothly (although the story is not finished yet). But the first one... It makes me crazy. Whenever I start reading it, it makes me want to cry, sentences don't sound right and it's just... aaah, my god, a disaster.

How do I cope with that block? When will I know that what I wrote is good enough so that I can post it?

I'm sorry, I know it's a lot of babbling and negativity, but I need an advice of someone experienced. And I admire you as a writer so much... Your character design is marvelous - it's exactly what I love. They have the depth, they create plot and make the rhythm right.

You're so talented and I'm really blessed that I have found your works. You have no idea how greatly they impacted me.

Even if my questions are too troublesome to answer I just wanted to thank you, Pia ❤️ you make me want to write again.

Hi anon!

So always take advice with a grain of salt, because what works for one author may not work for another!

But like, if I were in your situation, with your specific issues with that first chapter, I’d leave the chapter alone and write the rest of the story. Since it sounds like you can work on the rest of the story, and have been, honestly I would not touch that first chapter, or edit it, or look at it, before you’ve put some distance between yourself and the chapter, and you can work on the rest of the story in the meantime.

And then (after I’ve written the rest of the story) I would consider doing one or some of the following:

1. Getting some trusted betas or friends to look it over and ask them to respond with how they felt - did it grab their interest, did it communicate things to them, do they want to keep reading.

2. Turfing the chapter. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve deleted the first chapter of a novel because I thought it was necessary but it was holding me back (three times. I can tell you how many times, lol). Like literally ask yourself if you prefer reading the story from chapter 2. If you do, then...maybe other people will as well? I can’t tell you how many times authors write a redundant chapter 1, because they’re ‘feeling’ their way into a story. My first three chapters for The Ice Plague were trashed (and y’all never saw them) because they were redundant. I was telling myself something that y’all didn’t need to hear except in Mosk’s memories. And I felt much better once I realised that, and knew that I had to start the story chronologically much later. I was explaining something to myself in that chapter, which was why it never worked properly as part of the story.

3. Pretend you’re a reader and circle or highlight the bits that don’t feel like they’re ‘grabbing’ you.

4. Reading the chapter out loud, if this is something you’re able to do. It’s the best way to feel out the ‘flow’ of a chapter. If you’re constantly stumbling over sentences, way more than you usually would while reading aloud, it’s a sign the prose is clunky.

5. Writing three different versions of your opening. Write three different beginning chapters! You don’t have to stick with the one you thought of. Maybe you need to set it up differently. Maybe it needs to be written in a different style. Maybe it needs to start with more (or less) action etc. Write three different versions, you will probably have one you like more. Chances are you could write two other ‘chapter ones’ in the time it will take you to agonise over editing the chapter you have now.

6. Give yourself six months without looking at that story, come back to it with fresh eyes (or three months, some authors recommend twelve). It’s common knowledge that editing in the middle of a story is when you have literally no perspective and are mostly going to be catching typos and grammar issues, rather than structural or continuity issues. Which isn’t to say you can’t catch those things, just that... you don’t have the full picture of your story yet, it might only come together once you’ve written the rest of it, given yourself some time, and tried a few other different things.

And then (after those) I would consider like, accepting the first chapter for what it is. I have some chapters I cannot make work no matter what. But if I gave it my best shot, and no one else can suggest something different, I will put it up. And you know what, sometimes those chapters work way better for others and it was something to do with me and that chapter.

All of these things are things I’ve done myself, I wouldn’t suggest them otherwise. <333

#asks and answers #dodgy advice #pia on writing #i know it sounds brutal like #'consider getting rid of the chapter'#but seriously #you'd be surprised how often a first chapter is a tester #and i've also given this advice to author novelists #where i've said things like 'your story should be starting at chapter 5'#'and everything before that can be referenced in memories or dialogue'#and that might not be your issue #but sometimes the agony isn't that the chapter needs more editing #it's that the *story* needs some structural and architectural mashing around #but i wouldn't suggest doing heavy chapter cuts #untli you have your whole story #and step back and look at it fresh <3333 #Anonymous

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bigskydreaming · 5 years ago

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I think i have adhd, my family doesn't believe me. They really support me, but they don't want to notice all the symptoms, i think because they think it'll be worst...

That sucks anon, and I’m sorry to hear that! I want to first caution you that I am ultimately just a random stranger on the internet and you should always back up or verify elsewhere advice you get that way before proceeding just on someone like me’s say-so.

But if you were looking just for ideas on where maybe to go from here….am I assuming correctly from your context that you’re still a minor or in school? If so, is there any kind of guidance counselor that you feel or would feel comfortable expressing this to, to ask their opinion on how to go about having a productive conversation about this topic with your family?

That would be my first suggestion, IMO….always seek out someone you can interact with face to face who specializes in helping with this very kind of thing (or whatever the problem may be). In order to get somewhere productive with anything like this, its really really ideal that you find someone to bounce thoughts off of who knows you personally, face to face, or can get to know you that way…that you also feel comfortable enough with that you’re not likely to give them misleading or half-answers to questions that are only helpful if they’re answered fully and accurately….and above all, you feel SAFE with them.

I can not stress that last part enough. Your safety in anything sensitive is paramount, and its really hard to make the most out of any situation if you don’t feel comfortable and secure with whomever is helping you through it. And something like this is a situation that really ultimately benefits the most from someone who can interact with you real time, in real space.

But back to your specific situation, since you said you do feel safe and supported by your family, which is really great and puts you in a really good position to find a positive resolution to this that you’re happy with….if its not a matter of being scared to approach them about this, but just having trouble coming across as credible….

Ultimately I think the best thing to do is just….keep trying to have this conversation. Try not to get too frustrated with them for not responding the way you really want or ultimately need them to, and when one approach doesn’t work….try again.

I know being ADHD that kind of trial and error thinking isn’t the easiest thing in the world to commit to, so if you truly do have ADHD like you suspect, it might be that you have trouble committing to that exact kind of approach and that’s the problem…..and so my advice there is just take a step back, breathe, and try your best to lower your stress and anxiety about this matter, because those things only exacerbate ADHD, just in my personal experience. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to resolve this as fast as possible, even if (understandably) you really want to see progress on this sooner rather than later. As long as you’re in a safe, supportive environment….you have time.

Your situation may not be as ideal as you’d like it to be, compared to if you got your parents convinced to help you get tested and find a possible diagnoses and from their, potentially either medication or behavior/mindset tricks and skills aimed at helping ADHD individuals compensate for the ways our brains work even when medication isn’t viable….

But from the sounds of it, your situation also isn’t one where time sensitivity is actively worsening or threatening to worsen your situation. If I’m wrong about that, let me know, as a lot of this doesn’t apply then, or isn’t the best train of thought….but if I’ve assumed correctly there, the best thing you can do for yourself is cut yourself a bit of a break. Commit to not abandoning this and still seeking ways to convince your family to hear you out the way you feel you’re not being heard, currently…..but don’t put too much pressure on yourself to get that accomplished immediately or according to any kind of arbitrary deadline. You don’t need to give yourself more reasons to stress. You need to find yourself more room to breathe.

So even if your thought patterns make it hard to sit down and have a conversation with your family that’s as productive as you want it to be, or where you make your case as strongly as you feel you’ve made it to yourself…..the second you allow yourself TIME to work towards those goals without putting pressure on yourself to achieve them NOW NOW NOW…..you’ll be doing yourself a world of good.

If you have trouble saying everything you want to say in a conversation and tend to be hard on yourself afterwards as you only then remember things you wanted to say but forgot to….just remember its not too late just because you didn’t say them in the previous conversation….you can still say them in the next one you have. Also, try planning ahead. Don’t try and do too much at one time, just whenever you’re fairly relaxed, have nothing else weighing on you, and you’re thinking about this, jot down what you want to say for as long as your brain cooperates and you’re getting out the words the way you want them to get out…..and then when they stop flowing….just give yourself permission to stop.

You were still productive. You still accomplished something. You didn’t figure out everything you want to cover all in one sitting, but you don’t need to. Put your notes aside until the next time you find yourself in a similar spot of free time and cooperative headspace, start naturally thinking about this again….and pull out that piece of paper or open up that file, don’t even try reading or going over the whole thing….just refresh yourself on the last couple things you put down to help synch up your thoughts then with your thoughts now….and right down whatever comes to you as something you want to say while you’re thinking of it now.

Its okay if you write the same things twice or repeat yourself. You can always just delete one of them later when you review everything you wrote down before you try and have the actual conversation with your family. And its okay if its slow going. Its better to be thorough than to be fast, as long as urgency isn’t a factor, and instead of focusing on not getting as much done as you wanted to get done in a sitting, focus on the fact that you productively made progress, actual steps, closer towards getting you to where you want to be. That’s all that matters, ultimately. Once you reach your end goal and get results you’re happy and satisfied with one way or another, its not going to matter how you went about getting there or how long it took you.

In matters like this, the end goal, the destination, is really what matters most, and so don’t stress so much about what the road getting there looks like, so long as you can keep making steps forward, in whatever amounts and however often you can without wearing yourself out…and eventually, you’ll get there. Momentum isn’t important. Just that you keep going, period, and you keep moving in the right direction.

And as for convincing your family specifically…..obviously there’s specific things about yourself and your ways of thinking that make you suspect you might be ADHD….write down what those are. However works for you without also putting too much unnecessary stress or pressure on yourself, google ADHD symptoms, signs, find official sources online that say things about ADHD that coincide with the things about yourself you think match these specifics. Write down those links or print things out, have them with you when you ask your family to sit down and have a conversation about this.

Prepare ahead of time a list of examples of your own behavior or mannerisms that you feel match up to certain ADHD tendencies. If any of them are things your family probably has noticed about you or seen happen, all the better, because you can point them to something they already have a mental image of, connect that to a source saying this might be a sign of ADHD, and then ideally, link it back to something you’ve thought about that makes clear to them why you feel this is something you need to see addressed, and how you might benefit from getting diagnosed and seeing this addressed one way or another.

The more you can manage to prepare and gather together ahead of time, before you bring this up with them next, the more this is likely IMO to convey how important this conversation is to you and how seriously you’re taking this….and that, more than anything, is what’s likely to make them sit up and take notice, and hopefully get them to match your energy in ways that make you feel like you’re being heard now and they’re taking this and taking you seriously.

And try and keep in mind, if you’re having trouble convincing them to believe you as you said…..don’t jump to assuming the worst at any point if you don’t have to. Don’t assume it means they don’t take you seriously or don’t respect your opinion….remember that your parents and family are human too, and none of us are infallible, and we all have things we have preconceived opinions on. If for some reason your parents are seeming particularly resistant to the idea you might be ADHD….there could be a million different explanations for what’s going on in their heads that’s making them resistant, and its very likely that most of them don’t even have anything to do with you.

They’ve been around a lot longer than you no matter how old you are, lol, which means they have both a lot more experiences and a lot more things influencing them towards whatever beliefs they already have about this subject, before you even bring it up.

If worst comes to worst, it might be worth a try to shift gears and stop trying to convince them to believe you at all. Instead just focus on expressing to them that right or wrong, this is something you feel very strongly about and is very implanted in your head, and if nothing else, getting tested and an official diagnosis could suggest that you may not be ADHD or there might be another explanation for the things that made you suspect that, and being diagnosed in this direction could still be to your benefit, as it might open up more avenues for you to explore.

I don’t think this would be lying to them or misleading to them as long as you’re open….even though you’re convinced you’re right and a diagnosis will bear this out….there’s nothing dishonest about you simply expressing that regardless of whether anyone actually believes you’re right, you strongly believe this is something you need explored, and that’s worth attention in and of itself. As long as you feel supported and safe as you talk this through with them, that suggests that the basic matter of how important this is to you….that’s going to be important to them as well. If they care about the fact that right or wrong, you care very strongly about this….that can be more than enough!

They don’t need to believe you yet themselves, just to believe that it matters to you to see this explored, even if its to have your own belief refuted and given alternative explanations. I know its frustrating to be sure you’re right and can’t get anyone else on board with that - believe me, I do - but just keep in mind your ultimate goals! The successful outcome for you isn’t getting your family to believe you’re right, specifically….its getting your family to believe this is important enough to you to be worth exploring, no matter what the end outcome is. It’ll be frustrating to feel like they might just be humoring you, but as long as that’s still advancing you towards your ultimate goal of getting answers for yourself….you’re still being productive, you’re still getting closer to your goal.

It doesn’t cost you anything but pride to accept that they don’t need to fully believe or agree with you to at least cooperate with you in taking things to where you feel this conversation needs to lead. It might suck, but again, just keep your eye on your ultimate goal and what you feel you stand to gain from that. I think in the longrun, looking back in hindsight, any pride it costs to feel like your parents weren’t totally convinced by you and needed an official diagnosis to concede you’re right……like, that’s still nothing compared to the relief and improvement to your mental health and quality of life that you could potentially get from actual answers to your questions about yourself and why you do or don’t do certain things.

Find your specific goal, focus on what you hope to gain from it, and just….keep your eye on that at all times as you move forward, and don’t sweat the small stuff along the way. In the end, once you get where you wanted to go, its all gonna be small stuff in comparison….you likely won’t even remember the specifics of how you felt at various stages along the way, and even if you do, it won’t matter compared to you feeling good about where you are by then, and how you’ve benefited from reaching that point.

I hope there’s something helpful for your specific situation somewhere in all that, and again, don’t just take my word for it, back up or even challenge anything and everything here with other POVs on this. Explore what makes the most sense to you, what feels the most actionable to you, and what is ultimately the most comfortable for you. And again, above all else, just prioritize feeling as safe and secure and supported as possible through all of this. Don’t underestimate the power of having a family you feel is actually supportive of you. As far as anyone I’ve ever met goes, people generally don’t feel confident about saying their family is supportive unless there’s reasons they actually feel that to be true.

Oh, lots of people might generically express they’re sure their family loves them, just on general principle, like, of course they do, that’s what families do, right?

*Shrugs* Regardless, you said you feel supported by them, and that was your word choice, and in my experience that tends to mean something. You wouldn’t have led with a word that specific if you didn’t have something in mind making you feel that was an accurate one word description of them…..so focus on whatever it is about your family that makes you feel that way, makes you feel that’s true, and just…..remember not to forget that at any point through all of this, even when you’re most frustrated or feel furthest from getting where you want to be.

But don’t underestimate the power of having a family who genuinely just wants what’s best for you - and in that specific context, don’t forget there’s a potential avenue to explore if you decide its enough that you convince them to believe this is really important to you, that you really need their support on THIS specifically, even if just to settle yourself and get peace of mind one way or another. Don’t make it about convincing them you’re right, if that’s not what it actually has to be about, to get the end results you’re most trying to reach. All of that can come later…..just focus on getting them on the same page as you in feeling this is worth exploring.

And btw, apologies if you’re not a minor, which you very well might not be. I figured it was safer just to assume that and approach this question from that specific context. I think all of this applies pretty equally no matter what age you are, I just wanted to make sure I didn’t leave out or overlook any angle that might specifically affect the situation in the case of a minor or a teenager still under legal age.

And again, just to reiterate the most important part of all of this:

I AM NOT AN EXPERT OR AN AUTHORITY. PLEASE DO NOT TREAT MY WORD OR OPINION ON THIS AS BEING EQUIVALENT TO THAT OF AN EXPERT OR PROFESSIONAL ON THESE MATTERS.

I’m just a random older guy on the internet who is glad to be of any help he can, but wants to make sure that you not only stay safe and comfortable as you go about this with the people in your day to day life….but ALSO that nobody gets in the habit of getting too comfortable with just trusting the word of any random tumblr user in terms of specific advice…especially with family matters or matters of health or mental health.

I’m honored you value my words enough to approach me about this and I hope my response treated this with the responsibility it deserves, but please always make a habit of running any advice you get from social media past a couple different sources. And don’t just look for repeats of what’s already been said….look for contrary opinions, challenge what someone told you to see if that knocks any holes in it….and decide what to believe based on what holds up best under the scrutiny YOU apply and YOU believe is more relevant to your situation.

Ultimately its your life, you have to live with wherever any advice you take leads, so the most relevant advice is still always going to be the advice that you personally trust the most….because that’s ultimately the only way you’re going to be able to take comfort with whatever else happens at that point, knowing that you at least did your due diligence, challenged the advice before acting on it, and went with the advice that you felt was strongest or prepared you best.

And I also just want to express to you and any other followers in general…..I do try and be as genuine as possible on here, and I do genuinely just want the best for anyone who sends me an ask like this….but I don’t want to encourage it and also I don’t want to discourage it.

By that I mean, I don’t want to say don’t ask me for personal advice ever…..because if something is weighing on you that you need someone’s opinion on and you honestly can’t think of anyone else you trust more to give you an answer you think will help….then I’d rather you ask me or someone else online than just not ask anyone at all. Because I know for a fact that not everyone does have people in their day to day life that they can trust with sensitive questions, and everyone needs some help or insight or even just a sounding board on occasion. Better you ask someone at all, rather than just shove it down and remain bothered by it, with no outlet.

BUT. BUT BUT BUT.

At the same time, please ALWAYS keep in mind when asking personal advice of a stranger on the internet….no matter how genuine we come across as, we are still ultimately strangers on the internet. That doesn’t necessarily mean the advice you get won’t be helpful or is automatically untrustworthy….it just means….consider whatever advice you get PURELY on its own merits. Look at simply in terms of what was actually said, and how that compares to other things you’ve read and heard, and how it might or might not apply or benefit your situation. Wherever and whenever possible, remove the tumblr user giving the advice from the equation….don’t make them and your overall impression of them relevant to how much weight you give to the advice. Don’t follow advice you ultimately don’t feel comfortable with just BECAUSE its a big name or popular tumblr user who said it.

Treat the advice as if you just found it written on a piece of paper that just appeared on the sidewalk in front of you, with no idea who left it for you or what their intentions in doing so might be…..and just weigh the words themselves. Where the advice you found online came from shouldn’t influence how much weight you give that advice UNLESS it came from someone or somewhere online that you can VERIFY as an ACTUAL expert or authority on the specific subject the advice is intended to address.

If the advice you get is solid, it should be able to stand on its own under scrutiny, regardless of who said it. If the advice seems flimsy or causes doubts for you at ANY point, to ANY degree…..seek additional advice and viewpoints elsewhere. Get a second, third, fourth opinion if need be. Compare and contrast, seek as many viewpoints as you can devote time to looking for.

And above all, guys, please stay safe. Keep in mind that however trustworthy I come across as to you, I’m glad for that, but just as a general habit and good practice (especially the younger you are yourself)….always keep in mind I’m a fair bit older than the average users on here, and that neither makes me an automatic expert or authority on anything, nor should it make me your first choice to discuss sensitive matters with. I would prefer anyone who does feel a need to seek my advice with questions like this….please stay anonymous, keep your privacy secure, and ask your question in ways that the answer will be helpful to you even without me ever knowing who you are. Keep this practice in mind with all adults you interact with on a personal level here.

There’s no reason for me or any tumblr user my age to need to carry on a private conversation with unpublished private asks back and forth on personal matters about your private life, if you’re anywhere under twenty. Not only am I likely not to answer those (because even a follow up anon question that sounds similar is likely to be from the URL I’ve already seen you use), they’d make me personally uncomfortable and set a precedent I don’t want to encourage, and for your own safety, I don’t think its a good idea to get too comfortable interacting with any older adult blogger in privacy, or approaching them privately. Same goes for direct messaging.

Anything like this, I am happy to help if I can and I’ll be honest about not being able to if I can’t….but any advice I can offer in situations like these will be just as relevant as a response to an anon ask published in public, as it would be in private. Just protect yourself and remove all identifying information you don’t feel safe seeing posted publicly even WITH you being anonymous…..and just ask whomever you’re seeking advice from on anon in a way that will help you even if they just answer in more general terms, directed to their blog audience as a whole.

Better safe than sorry, wherever possible. Your safety online is just as paramount as your safety in real life physical spaces. Above all else, always stick to spaces where you feel comfortable and secure, and like you have power and agency to protect yourself and remove yourself from any situation that makes you feel uncomfortable or anxious. Don’t make this a reason to feel you have to stay isolated and afraid to connect with others online at all - definitely not what I’m trying to say. Just….always keep in mind what you do or don’t know about another person, before deciding whether they’re the best person to entrust with various things you might want to tell them. Err on the side of caution.

Seek out peers in your own age group first, and ideally prioritize interacting with them first and foremost. Doesn’t mean you can’t have older friends….just….its okay to have different styles and different levels of friendship with different friends, relative to their different ages. Focus sharing your more age specific life experiences with other friends your own age. Just…all things in moderation, you know? You can certainly value the insight and words and friendship of someone much older than you, but don’t make them the be all and end all of your online social circles is all I’m saying. Have people you feel are at the same stage of life as you and going through the same kinds of things currently, who you can turn to or fall back on when you need to. Its important to keep people in your life that you feel are your clear peers in every way….who you don’t feel intimidated by to any degree because of them being older or more experienced or whatever. The most valuable friendships IMO are going to be the ones that not only can do the most for you, who give you what you’re seeking most in a friend or friendship…..but that at the same time, you have just as much to give them, offer them, in terms of what they’re looking for in a friend or friendship. Don’t ever underestimate the importance…the necessity…of feeling like an equal partner in a relationship rather than a junior partner. Its ideal to feel like you’re contributing as much to their life as you feel they contribute to yours. So you don’t feel dwarfed or overshadowed, and because its important to be aware of our own importance to other people. To feel that reassurance that we matter, we make a difference in someone else’s lives….that they are the richer for our friendship and we offer them something unique to our particular bond that they’re not going to get in the same way from any other friend.

Seek out and prioritize friends that make you feel like you’re worth as much to them as they feel they’re worth to you. And if you maybe feel this doesn’t characterize a friendship you have already, once you look at it in these terms….if this makes you uncomfortable once its in your awareness, that doesn’t mean there’s necessarily something inherently WRONG or BAD about that friendship or that friend….it could just be that you’ve realized that whatever that friendship is like now, maybe its not everything it COULD be. And if it bothers you to be aware of that discrepancy….there’s no reason you can’t try and change that to a dynamic you’re more comfortable with, as long as you make a point to keep their feelings and POV about all this in mind as well.

Anyway, I think I’ve wrung all possible blood out of this stone, lol, so that’s enough from me. Just….I get a lot of asks, but not usually ones as specific to individuals’ lives as this one is. So I don’t have a ton of precedence for this particular scenario, and I’m not saying that as a bad thing at all, anon, just FYI…..I just mean I didn’t want to answer this ask without also addressing the overall scenario and making sure I didn’t overlook or leave anything out.

Again, just one last time - I don’t want to in any way suggest or scare anyone into not seeking out advice or help or even just a conversation when they find themselves in need of help and have no one to turn to in their personal lives. If online acquaintances (I’m not talking online friends, mutuals, etc, those friendships are every bit as real and valid as offline friendships and I include these when I say “personal lives” and am talking about if for whatever reason they can’t help in the way you need either)…then yeah, absolutely reach out to anyone you feel can safely help you or give you a good starting point for actionable advice. I do not mean to encourage people to isolate themselves and NOT build bonds online just because its online.

I just mean….be safe, guys. And just….dot your t’s and cross your i’s, and don’t neglect to treat your personal safety and comfort as an absolute priority at all times. Its not just a matter of physical safety or overall mental health, its a self image thing….no one should fall into the habit of thinking that their safety and personal comfort doesn’t deserve to always be a priority, or that its ever something you should take for granted instead of always maintaining an awareness that the best place and way to challenge yourself, stretch yourself, grow, try new things, learn new things, experience new things….always, always, always comes from first and foremost, starting from a place of being safe and feeling confident in that safety. THEN do all of the rest, from that particular spot and state of mind, with it there as a fallback if stepping out of your comfort zone to any degree starts to make you feel actually unsafe.

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