#i will not refrain from yelling about how much of a lil bitch Atsushi is while watching dead apple

[glitchnovax]

okokok sooo a lot of people think Atsushi is annoying and too insecure. At first I didn't like him either,but then I realized overcoming his insecurities(which he kinda still has) is part of his character development and I've come to the conclusion that I love him very much. So I was just curious, what do you think about him?

I am so sorry this is so long, I always get caught up on topics like this-

I hope this answers your question tho :3

Atsushi is one of the only protagonists I have genuinely had respect for and overall actually like the character of, compared to other animes/shows. At first I was the same, just sort of assuming he’d be another do-gooder protagonist the whole “I’m gonna be strong, defeat the true enemy” yada yada, but there actually is truly depths to his character that there isn’t with most other protagonists.

The difference with Atsushi is that he genuinely does not this he deserves to be where he is, he doesn’t even believe that he deserves to life, he thinks he has to earn the right. With other protags they tend to be doubtful at first but then very very quickly switch to the most positive characters ever to the point of their optimism being annoying af.

The reason Atsushi is so interesting to me is that mindset of needing to earn the right to live. Obviously it’s a very unhealthy way of viewing life but it’s what gives him depth as a character. The way he fights not necessarily because “iT’s ThE RiGhT tHiNg tO dO” (although it does factor in) but because he sees it as an opportunity at redemption, a way to validate his life. If you think about it, it’s quite similar to Dazai, they both feel as though they need to redeem themselves and joining the ada was a clean start for them, they both try to not so much bury the past, but put it behind them.

This is where the trauma comes in. In response the idea that he is just a whiny, overly insecure kid who needs to quit complaining and face the world, yes ofc I can see why people think that, he is definitely the most hesitant character in terms of facing his problems, he spends a lot of time trying to escape them or hide from them. Here’s the thing though, he was literally taught to hide from his problems all his life. At the orphanage we never see him stand up the headmaster, only him crying. Why? Because he’s a literal child. All he knows is fear, and escaping the abuse and torment of his previous “family”. He was never taught how to face his problems and while other protags tend to face them head on, he generally spends a lot of time hiding from them and cowering, the tiger is incredible symbolic of this.

Not only this but he’s literally followed around by his past. I said earlier that what he’s trying to do is put it behind him and move on, but he literally can’t do this because he’s haunted by ptsd (which is very visible in dead apple). This is also why he constantly reiterates the fact that he needs to prove his right to live. This boy literally hates himself so much all because that’s all he’s ever known. The headmaster says in a flashback “when you leave this place, hate me. Never hate yourself.” But this backfired on him because now all he can do is hate himself because it’s all he’s ever known.

One of my favourite quotes from Atsushi is in that fight with Akutagawa in season 1 when he says “people need to be told they matter or else they can’t go on” which is so damn iconic. It reflects on Atsushi, it reflects Akutagawa, it reflects on Kyouka (and I’d love to go through all of them but I’ll just stick to Atsushi for this post). That quote explains it all, it immediately states why Atsushi is as insecure as he is - because he’s always been told that he’s worthless and would be better off dead - it explains why he feels the need to earn his right to life - because again, he’s been told no one would miss him if he died (and I can’t stress hi enough:) all his life!! He needs to prove to the headmaster and most of all to himself that he isn’t worthless - and overall it just shows how self aware he is.

Anyone who has struggled with intrusive thoughs, insecurity and just overall self hatred knows that it’s like to have a voice in the back of their head telling them how shitty they are, and it’s awful. The voice in his head is a constant, it’s loud and it’s clearly hurting him. Whenever he’s “annoying and insecure” it’s because that voice is beating him to a pulp and he’s struggling to fight back. His character developement is visible (I mean you can can see the clear difference when he’s with his friends from the ada because he can tell they care about him a lot which is obviously a massive difference to the orphanage) however the developement will take time, if he’s written right, it’ll take more than just friend that care about him to improve his self esteem so to speak, he needs to help himself out of his own darkness. This is very very obviously contrasted to Akutagawa’s character in that Aku has essentially given up on himself, he’s worked so hard and in the end he’s given up on finding a way out. That is until Atsushi came along. Atsushi is different because he is clearly working towards getting out of that darkness, and he is succeeding. As we know, Aku’s jealousy stems from Dazai’s appreciation of Atsushi, but I would also argue that it’s from seeing how much Atsushi is improving and actually having a warped view of that.

I know this is slightly off topic but just let me explain: when Aku talks to Kyouka in the canibalism arc, he says that she’s lucky to have found her way to the light, the general meaning of this is taken as hat she got out of the Port Mafia and joined the “good” side. However there’s quite obviously a double meaning in that Aku can see how happy Kyouka is and believes that he’ll never reach that (Aku’s story is one I’d rather discuss in another post but for the purpose of understanding Atsushi’s growth, you should understand it from Aku’s point of view as well).

He says how happy he is for Kyouka, but remains angry at Atsushi, because he feels like Atsushi has everything (this comes from their fight on the Moby Dick) Atsushi is really quick to point out that he absolutely doesn’t have everything and that he suffers just as Aku does and I think that scene really explains Atsushi’s character incredibly well. Just to tie this all up, I think Aku agreeing to not kill anyone until he and Atsushi battle it out, is a massive first step in him attempting to improve himself (even if it is in the essence of competition).

Overall, Atsushi is so much more than just an “annoying and insecure” character, like all of the characters in bsd, he’s quite complex and I really enjoy breaking down all the aspects of his character to explain this.

Atsushi isn’t one of my favourite characters, but he’s one I’ve come to respect him more and more as I’ve watched and rewatched bsd (and now as I finally read the manga!!). I love discussing all the complexities of bsd especially since there’s so much to break down and delve into (and believe me my favourite characters aren’t my favourites for no reason).

To everyone reading this, feel free to reply/reblog with your opinions, I love hearing what other people think about stuff like this skdjskd

I’ll gladly give my opinion on whatever character, scene, story arc, fandom based thing or just anything in bsd in general so feel free to send in more asks :)