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#i will never shut up abt the eels
utsuboarchive · 11 months
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okay but on a more positive note
floyd can, apparently, be super inspirational to people without trying. like his general attitude is rough at times, but it can also be contagious. in the sense that his way of thinking, and handling situations is...? weirdly encouraging.
he doesn't sweat the small stuff, and doesn't always focus on the bad. he genuinely believes that if he wants to do something- he will do it. his beanfest vignette was such a good insight into his way of thinking. and his way of approaching particular situations, and that IN FACT-- he has a pretty positive outlook on himself.
not always, he has his ups and his downs. but he doesn't dwell on the bad, and rather seeks a way to fix or change it to something better. when he's talking about his time with the basket ball club- he does mention how hard it was at first. that yes, it really did suck being at the bottom. but he never really sounds hurt about it? like he's proud of himself for pushing as hard as he did.
when he lost to vil, he laughed about it. it didn't bother him, and just made him want to improve more to beat vil too. which, knowing floyd, is possible if he could manage to focus more. his positivity around losing astounds epel, and inspires him to improve too. making him feel better for the moment, about his smaller size.
like its so funny how floyd just...accidentally stumbles into being a decent person every once in a while. not to say he can't do it intentionally it's just...
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yongseungkim · 6 months
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#talked to her a little bit more about her confusing behavior#esp her relationship w this one person and how it confuses me when its a more group setting#and lo and behold this solved nothing lol#she was like we are close i dont know how to make u feel that#and i was like i do feel it when we are one on one but when we are in group settings i dont feel close to you at all#wasnt very clear at all with my feelings though but more or less listed off things that she had done that unintentionally had hurt me#or just made things feel kind of confusing#like if we are close then why xyz thing#i feel like i never see her if xyz person doesnt come to me first cuz she'll follow her around right#i did straight up ask her if they were just friends or smth more and if she had feelings for her#and she was like yeah just friends (which idk for me just cuz i asked doesnt mean she has to respond to me honestly)#(so taking it with a grain of salt)#and i was like yeah man ur relationship w this one person cuz u give her so much attention like i never know how to itneract#sometimes if eel guilty for taking her away from u when i talk to her cuz u kinda just shut down#and dotn talk to anyone and she was jokingly like yeah go sit in a corner and i was liek DUDE LITERALLY YEAH?#and then also times when her attention on xyz person has left me feeling left out#and i think its so funny this girl was like i literally didnt know i interact with xyz person in that way cuz i dont think abt it#cuz if i start thinking then i start overthinking and thats nto fun#which is T RUE BUT LIKE ALSO#idk how can one person be that dense like her and xyz person literally won a dynamic duo award thing#ppl were like 'dont separate those two they cant live without each other' LIKE BRUH ARE U SERIOUSLY TAHT DENSE?#and then also the whole shes not a great texter but how shes literally always on the phone texting someone it feels like so for me its hard#to really accept that sometimes like but then she had said earlier like her friends from undergrad just straight up call her so yeah maybe#i guess but also idk man#also times when she had promised to do smth and then didnt follow through on that hurting bc i take ppl by their word
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Bracket H Round 1
Poll 24
Skitt & Ena & Olive (@bootsieboots) vs. Apricity Nix (@decapod-appreciator)
495. Skitt & Ena & Olive (@bootsieboots)
skitt usez any, ena usez they/it/she (bc of her eczema), and olive usez he/they
The TL;DR 4 them is that theyre little fucked up guys living in a circus 2gether. Skitt is a repressed traumatized clown amphibian, Olive is a sweet jackalope who acts like an asshole as a defense mechanism, and Ena is a chaotic little shithead w a short fuse, whos actually secretly the mom friend. I like to put them in2 situations in my head and then never write said situations down. Also theyre all aspec and trans.
Skitt:
he is simply a little guy! (puts him thru the horrors puts him thru the horrors p) Oh, hes a bit fucked up actually.
-a mishmash of basically any amphibian features i think r cool! It is also a clown! Isnt that silly? Well its actually 4 trauma reasons. Lol. lmao.
-has rejection sensitive dysphoria and wants every1 2 love him so much all the time. Cries and throws up when it inevitably doesnt work out.
-ADHD!
-super in2 fashion and makeup. Can u guess why? Trauma reasons, of course! Honestly most of her hobbies r rooted in wanting 2 escape something.
-i cant think of anything else non-spoilery 2 put here. Uhm. ze really likes bubble baths and swimming.
Olive:
A little skrunkly autismic sourpuss. He wishes that he cud b more sincere w people sometimes, but every past attempt has been met w people shutting them down, in 1 way or another. The only person in the world he feels even mildly comfortable around is Ena (and later on in the story, Skitt).
-acts like an asshole around most people bc theyre used 2 being seen as one. And by asshole, i mean a little quiet, sulking, wet cat in a corner of the room who makes angy faces at any1 who invades their space.
-mute! This is bc bunnies do not have vocal chords. Communicates thru sign language and annoyed noises. Screams when overstimulated. Yes, bunnies can scream, just not using vocal chords. There r also other sounds they can make! (mostly annoyed sounds. He does purr as well! Just like a real bunny)
-very in2 music. Plays the harmonica and other woodwind instruments that r easy 2 steal. Can they play good? Uhm. havent decided yet actually.
-has a sort of heart shaped facial scar and a broken antler he got from entirely mundane causes (antler is permanently broke, dont question how that works bc i dunno).
-very incredibly touch averse, only tolerates Ena’s touch. theyre also fat and very fluffy! Great 4 cuddling! But he wont let u. Sorry.
Ena:
Money gremlin!!! Chaotic anarchist motherfucker!!! Probably owes u money! Is currently being gay doing crime. In this world, 1 does not have to pay/steal 2 survive, but Ena does it anyways 2 fuck shit up and stir the pot.
-escaped from a shitty orphanage w Olive.
-horrible anger issues. If Olive is a sourpuss, Ena is a bomb waiting 4 an excuse 2 go off. This is bc in the orphanage, they learned that no 1 wud listen 2 them unless they scratched and fought and clawed and bit and punched. (and shocked!). Shes generally chill tho, just, its easy 2 get on her bad side.
-sorta the therapist friend, bc its good at telling ppl what they want 2 hear. Her charismatic attitude also helps when scamming people.
-uses prosthetics! In this world, aquatic animals r given the ability 2 stay on land 4 extended periods of time via prosthetics! Want 2 know more? Ask me :>
-basically blind. Electric eels have awful eyesight, and shes no exception! She can only see bright lights and colors. They use electrolocation 2 get around. (please ask me what it is if u dont know, i am v happy 2 infodump abt anything oc related!)
Remember kids, a vote 4 my ocs is a vote 4 disability, queerness, anarchy, the found family trope, little guys being put in situations therye entirely unequipped for, furries, and much more!
Skitt has a triangular dress with purple and yellow split colors, and purple leggings. Pointy, slender legs. A long pointed yellow hat with a little green thingy on top (idk what to call it). Blue eyes with froglike pupils. Minty-green, short, curly hair. A classic clown makeup look (off-white facepaint, a clown nose, and pennywise-esque makeup lines going from the bottom of his eyebrows to the sides of his mouth.
Olive is a jackalope with short, olive/forest green hair swooping over one eye. His eyes are the same color as his hair. Most of their fur is darkish brown, while his belly, his inner thighs, and lower left arm is beige. their right arm, lower legs, and the top of their ears are black. Only wearing black arm warmers thanks to sensory issues.
Ena is a vaguely pirate-themed girlie. Dark brown skinned, with grey arms and greyish legs. Big thicc tail. Mostly black hair. Tattered black shorts and an even more tattered, dark green crop top. Has red eyes and a red sash tied around its waist. Lots of little spots all over their skin. lazy-eyed.
496. Apricity Nix (@decapod-appreciator)
she/her
she's a werewolf she's aroace she stalks people on accident. she didn't know what a crime was until the police went after her. her best friends are a supervillan and a failed actress. she thinks she would make a good detective (she wouldn't). she's fun and friendly and sweet but still a fully thought out character. she runs away from her abusive home to find her sister and in the process finds a whole new family. she even takes down the government.
Pris is a short, pale girl with  black hair styled to look like wolf ears. she has brown eyes with diagonal red pupils and a bit of a snaggle tooth on one side.
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hermes-dabloons · 1 year
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wake up babe new layout just dropped
about me !!
hello! if you somehow missed my bio, i'm ethan and my pronouns are he/him. you can also call me anthony/antonio! i am a minor—i do not mind if adults interact, just don't be weird. i am somewhat new to hellenism, though i worship hermes and apollo. i speak english and french + i'm learning italian, and i am trans & audhd. i'm a folk practitioner, a lover of cowboys, dancing, and learning about fish & marine animals (especially eels); and i'm a huge musical theatre nerd—my strongest hyperfixations are always on musicals, so ask me about 'em and i'll never shut up. thanks for visiting my blog, it's nice to meet you :)
about my blog !!
this is a sideblog for most things related to my polytheism, so i'll be using it to collect resources, prayers, art & writing, useful posts, and anything i find relevant-including shitposts. as i said, my main is @scgrimbly, so notifs will come from there! you can also find me on @fuck-yeah-witchcraft, where i post abt my folk magic and such :)
praise be to the theoi !
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realmzenith · 6 years
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elaina ! :)
lays down, mai ily. anyways?? someone pls save elaina she Needs help
What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?fairly long?? but not super long it’d make her anxious. maybe twenty minutes. it’d be a different story if it was a life or death thing tho obv
How easy is it for your character to laugh?difficult. from one to ten w one being v easily she’s like a 7. but for full uninhibited laughter it’s a solid 9. she mostly smiles and when she does laugh it’s at the dumbest things
How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)she’ll lurk on instagram or think which are honestly both bad ideas for her bc instagram makes her depressed bc her social life sux and thinking makes her depressed bc she’s pessimistic and tends to overthink EVERYTHINg. however sometimes she’ll be smart abt it and read a book or look at plant pics or space which will more often than not successfully allow her to relax and get some shut eye
How easy is it to earn their trust?HM not too difficult prbly a 3 if ur nice to her and ur not a complete idiot- ok well. just if ur nice to her bc she literally falls in love w josie an idiot in her storyline
How easy is it to earn their mistrust?moderately difficult she has a hard time accepting that the ppl she trusts are capable of wronging her and usually assumes it was smth she did. she’s kind of an idiot like that so yk :) she’s prbly a 6 on that one? if we’re also accounting for the ppl she moderately trusts. however if we’re only talking abt the ppl she genuinely completely trusts it’s like an 8. she’s not COMPLETELy stupid but still p stupid abt relationships
Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?rules should be followed. she accepts them as a given and that they will be followed as a given. it’ll srsly throw off her game if someone starts blatantly disobeying the law in front of her even if it is just a nominal thing
What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?she’s not a v emotional person? she does feel deeply but hmm i suppose she is fairly nostalgic. certain melodies played on the guitar would prbly be one of the bigger triggers. her mom used to play and she and her dad would sing like dorks but they?? kind of dont do it anymore and she misses it but she isn’t sure how to ask to do it again. it’s the same w disney movies. they don’t watch them as a fam as much as they used to anymore but they still do on occasion! as for enjoying it she doesn’t rlly like nostalgia?? but she lets herself fall into it frequently
What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?she was constantly told to talk to the other kids. she’s never been v social or good w ppl as she prefers her small group of ppl she knows and is comfortable w plus she’s an only child so she’s always been forced to socialize esp in casual settings
Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?not super frequently. she does say damn bc that’s just the classic xstj swear word, her first she remembers v distinctly. it was “bitch” and completely her older cousin’s fault
What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?she lowkey feels like her entire life is a lie? she’s a smart gal and gets good grades easily. she’s close to the top of her class and is considered one of the smart kids. but she herself is convinced she’s painfully mediocre and despite her other talents and unique personality traits she’s like :) im sorry for lying to u all i actually have zero interesting qualities and am a drag but ofc she never voices that bc lbr insecurity? ugly and she doesn’t want to lose the few friends she does have bc she dumped her fears on everyone else. she is, as i said, a Mess
How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?she almost always pretends she understands but if she doesn’t feel like there’ll be negative consequences to asking for clarification and she’s feeling confident she’ll bluntly ask the other person to clear things up for her esp in a business type setting such as school projects, etc. it’s situational but socially speaking? she’ll pretend until she Dies
How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?ask nico to get it or just struggle for ages to try to get it herself
What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?she likes green and black but thinks she looks p drab in most things. in all actuality she prbly does look sharpest in black but yellow makes her look super cute, brings out a softer side of her. dark green is also flattering on her
What animal do they fear most?hm prbly eels esp electric eels. they freak her out for no particular reason. otherwise, she likes most animals and doesn’t mind most bugs
How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?she does usually think before she speaks. on the extreme she’ll turn over a phrase abt ten times in her mind before even considering speaking it aloud but that’s rare and only in high stress situations. despite the fact that she does think before she speaks she’s very blunt abt most things. lay it out like it is and all. embellishing sentences or softening her statements is smth she rarely does as she finds it inefficient 
What makes their stomach turn?reckless behavior she HATES when ppl do stupid risky crap in front of her she finds it very unnecessary and anxiety inducing
Are they easily embarrassed?oh yes absolutely
What embarrasses them?everything. anything. her existence. ppl flirting w her. her parents. being teased. being incompetent. being singled out for anything. lots of things :)
What is their favorite number?she likes the number 60. no reason in particular it’s just a nice number. cue her friend, nico in the back yelling SIXTY???? MORE LIKE SEXY
If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?oh oof dont talk to her about love it throws her for an existential crisis. hm but if srsly asked this she’d prbly say smth like “familial love is smth we’re rarely allowed to choose. platonic is more logical and circumstantial, and romantic is a combination of the two in the sense that it’s ur heart’s choice to begin and ur mind’s to continue.”
Why do they get up in the morning? society dictates that in order for an individual to contribute meaningfully to the world, you must get up by 7 am and do whatever lot’s been handed to you. thus she, as a good functioning member of society, gets up in the mornings and drives to school day in and day out as fate has dictated her duty to be
How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? erratic. she’ll act strangely and become more distant. if it continues for long enough she’ll eventually snap at whoever’s nearest and asking what’s up w her
How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? it makes her sad tbh sldkfjlkj she’s like welp.. this is the lot i’ve been given if i don’t accept it that’s my problem. then she keeps her head up and carries on
Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom? she prefers not to talk abt sex. she’d be v confused if someone brought up the topic of sex casually tho she isn’t SUPER squeamish abt discussing it it’s just?? unprofessional so why would u? ofc w her s/o she would be more than willing to discuss it in order to smooth out questions or misunderstandings before yk. actually. doing the sex
What are their thoughts on marriage? marriage to her is one of the pillars of society, and while she respects people who don’t want to get married, for herself she views it a checkbox on her list of things she needs to do before she dies. it’s?? like she sort of has a timeline and marriage is on the list of things that need to happen sometime in her twenties. she believes marriage should be a mutually beneficial union based on love and respect and believes that along w family units it’s a wonderful invention. however, despite all of this she kind of doubts she’ll ever get married bc she’s like who would date me lbr here :) and while simultaneously seeking after marriage she’s resigned herself to becoming an eventual crazy old cat lady
What is their preferred mode of transportation? she prefers bullet trains. efficient, usually comfortable, she doesn’t have to drive- what more could you want? she’s also fond of walking if a place is close by. helps her chill
What causes them to feel dread? the feeling that a relationship is falling apart and the divide between herself and the other person is growing. the little things like not waiting for the other person after class or “forgetting” to mention another thing about their day- the small things that point to a relationship breaking down. if there’s one thing she hates more than unnecessary conflict and having to just end things then and there it’s watching things slowly fall apart. that is extremely dread inducing in her opinion
Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? if u asked her? she’d say she prefers the truth. in reality? she prefers the lie. she internalizes things and oftentimes “unpleasant truths” can weigh her down for ages. frequently enough to note, she’ll allow herself to continue in ignorance rather than accept the reality of the truth which she’ll sort of know she’s doing but just push to the back of her mind in order to avoid the panic that comes with actually confronting the problem. ignorance is bliss and all. nevertheless, in the long run and in hindsight, she prefers the truth as ripping off the bandaid proves easier than pulling out misplaced stitches one by one
Do they usually live up to their own ideals? she doesn’t come close. she has very lofty ideals to which she holds both herself and others around her. she wants to be someone who’s looked up to as strong. she values efficiency, honesty, reliability and genuinely good motives as well as charisma, passion and confidence. she’s doing alright with the first few but the last three are debatable. she’s passionate about v select things and her confidence levels looks like a heartrate monitor
Who do they most regret meeting? herself. she regrets gaining sentience
Who are they the most glad to have met? josie ;) but nico and ale are close seconds
Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? nope what’s a Conversation? what’s a Joke? she doesnt know them :)
Could they be considered lazy? that’s a no. she works extremely hard and nearly always carries through. it’s partially her nature and partially a way for her to “make up” for her perceived lack of talents
How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt? extremely difficult but w time she eventually can esp when given the right type of support
How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? that’s. a hard one. she IS technically supportive but that’s only when she recognizes how much the thing means to the other person and she’s honestly rlly bad at reading these kinds of situations, so it’s rare that she actually does. she’ll kinda be like wtf but if she doesn’t recognize the other person is genuinely excited and invested in the thing she’ll do her best to give her own brand of awkward support 
Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?she’ll pursue a romantic interest if enough proof that it’s plausible is given but it’s rare that she gets enough “proof” for this to happen. generally speaking, she kind of pushes her desire for romance down. she’ll worry abt it later or at least until josie shows up eyes emoji
Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)? not rlly? she’ll just go thru things multiple times she’s not the most innovative person when it comes to things like this. route memorization is her go to 
What memory do they revisit the most often?;) depends on where in the storyline we’re talking but post story defo the time when she and josie went hiking w some of their other friends and when they reached the summit of the mountain the clouds were beneath the peak n completely coating the sky. it looked like a carpet of clouds, like another world and they shared a bit of a Moment. the little things are what elaina rlly cherishes
How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?difficult she’s a bit of a critical person. she’s also not the most tactful when it comes to emotional intelligence related situations so ppl will likely find out she does see those flaws in them if they stick around long enough
How sensitive are they to their own flaws?not SO much but she does take things to heart. she’s sort of?? accepted her perceived mediocrity and general dullness but she’s in no way ceasing to attempt to change other things abt herself. so she’ll seemingly take criticisms in stride but they’ll stick w her when she’s Overthinking
How do they feel about children? kids are? good? she likes kids. as for having them, she’s considered it some and she thinks she might like to. at the same time, she also thinks she’d make a terrible parent- too harsh, bad w comfort, easily stressed. in all reality, she’d be better than most ppl as one esp after gaining a bit of confidence
How badly do they want to reach their end goal? rn the goal is graduating and she wants that fairly badly but she doesn’t particularly doubt her ability to achieve it. after that, it’s getting a good job which she also doesn’t overtly doubt as a certainty so yes she does want it but it’s not?? SUPEr concerning except when she begins to doubt her abilities and if she’ll ever feel like her life is fulfilling 
If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so? she’s lesbian. she’d say it means she’s attracted to women 
QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS
A) Why are you excited about this character?baby. she’s gonna find loveB) What inspired you to create them?love, simon! i wanted to write a cute lesbian high school romance so thus josie and elaina were bornC) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?nope!D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?nope again! she used to be full korean but now she’s half korean and half scandinavian! i think she used to be taller too she’s 5′5″ nowE) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?there are some aspects of each other that would get on the other’s nerves. like i dont think she’d appreciate the wonky outbursts i sometimes have and i’d get annoyed by her lack of social tact/annoyance at the world even tho i lowkey share those traits but otherwise i think we’d get along p well! i think i’d find her cute and i think she’d like my perceived confidence. we share a similar rationality as wellF) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?empathy she’s a big mood tbh and also i want her to be happy G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?her lack of emotional intelligence. while i like blunt and logic oriented ppl it’d get slightly frustrating after a while to be around someone who’s a lil oblivious to social/emotional cues even if that’s a moodH) What trait do you admire most?her humble diligence. i have to complain twice as much as her to get half the things she gets done doneI) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?i think she’d ALSO do great in a sci fi universe. ha maybe i need to give these kids a sci fi au verseJ) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?not rlly no!
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xadial · 7 years
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season 5 rewatch thoughts II
---3--- • my hatred of the 'oh wait they're not really dead SIKE' trope vs. my disbelief at the lack of buildup to zarkons death: unstoppable force vs. immovable object • this galra dude needs some serious wart therapy • DONT ASK TURDFACE IF HE'S ALRIGHT HE'S HORRIBLE • 'zalbluvian intestinal eel' Iconic • kuron No • aaaa they've drawn lance a bit softer so he looks less like a dorito • KURON YOU ABSOLUTE VILE PIECE OF HORSE CRAP YOU LEAVE LANCE ALONE HE'S DONE NOTHING WRONG NOW SHUT UP AND FIND A DARK STINKY CORNER AND PERISH • lance.... let me hug u...... • uhhhh. kuron. kuron listen honey. leaders are supposed to Listen and Consider. not fuckin dictate • haggar is so creepy • i know the generals sided with zarkon but i still love them so much. ezor sounds so sweet • # selfie time • comet goes YEET • LANCE LANCE LANCE LANCE LANCEL ANCE LANCE KCNA R • I'M SO PROUD OF HIM • LANCE!!!!! • 'YOU HAVE GREATNESS WITHIN' • uhhh just a lil psa that's not ur shiro • LANCE LANCE LANCE LANCE LANCE LANCE • LEADERSHIP LANCE AAAA • he's grown so much • ugh warty chin is back • okay at least i predicted the galra takeover of olkari tech • Kuron Is A Bad Leader • 'vines' lol 'what's up my names kuron im pretty mean and i never fuckin learned how to lead' • 'wetwear' • ew • LANCE ELANCR LANCE LANCE LANCE LANCE LANCE • this astral plane stuff is next level jawdropping • 'lance. lance listen to me.' BLACK!!! PALADIN!!! LANCE!!!! • im crying from reaching so hard but. the gay n bi flag colours appeared in the astral plane. i just want canon klance baby don't hurt me no more hhhhh • he's. so beautiful. baby boy. blue boy. baby boy blue. also he should probably wake up now • LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANCE • he • okay but sam holt isn't a very compelling character? idk • *hisses at kuron* • lance's smile could light up galaxies • He Knows • ughhhh what did i say abt the SIKE NOT DEAD trope
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gayspock · 4 years
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dont rb/dont rply
i believe im about to be Irritating once more ...... i just. gggod im getting stupid sad and lonely and miserable but im too. too fucking exhausted after being crackhead for the past 24 hours and kinda. feeling horribly sick and ill if anything so instead im just. ruminating and cryin to myself over  dumb fucking shit. me bein all fucking emo bc i feel alone and out fo place. like dont u cry abt that shit  at least Once every fucking night like GOD shut up @ me do u know what i mean. 
but then i dont shut up abt it DO i i just keep crying bc it feels like im never going to belong anmd its just so ANnoying. like.the deep fear that ur never going to Feel Right anywhere & how ive never felt right or safe anywhere. and how thats somehow the most... Pervasive sentiment.... in how its relevant to . mostly people but just. also extends to living situations, security in anything, academic shit and. THEN i end upjust crying because its STUPID  but i dont know i wish. there was something to hold onto sometimes instead of me jsut. freaking out over It All and crying alone  
 and then i Lament on the innumerable times where ive thought that same thing the “you dont belong here! nobody wants you here!” and ive beem exaclty right about the situation- RIGHT to feel insecure- and then start hyperventilating  becaus e it, once more, feels Inevitable that everything will fall apart once more #. and ah dear im going to be left behind!! bc i was never a worthwhile component in people’s lives: but just kind of convenience (at best)  or coincidentally existed in the same place at the sanme time (most of the time) or an active fucking Joke/Spectacle to drag aorund (happens Too Often, yikes) . yet whichever it may  be it jsut f eels like. the stupid sadness of realising the Sheer distance between yourself and others; how ur scared ur never going to properly feel closeness bc nobodys ever going to value u besides courtesy....... then crying again bc u remmeber ur always going to be alone in the end & thinking abt how u will only find some Semblancce of love in your fantasies, where youre less of a fucking. annoying freak & getting sad over exceptionally annoying shit bc then u start feeling lonely in THAT kind of way because you can barely even . handle basic friendships, cant even handle anything right so how do you ever cope with something like that before remembering u jsut never will and its hard to articulate it all and i feel like  speaking of it just gets embarassing bc its so hard to Talk abt it bc it was aggravating to think of llike 10 minutes ago nevermind 10 minutes deep into exactly why you feel Stupid unlovable and how you think ur going to be alone forever but diluting ti down makes it jsut feel like  people will perciebve you as some fucking. idiot whos all dramatic abt things and wont take u seriously and that so, horribly ironically is part of the issue and th
and ten its more of the same . sef-sustaining boring HORSESHIT and its like me@me at LEAST 24 hours ago you were trying to kill yourself have some fucking pizzaz. some fufking showmanship why do you have to go do the EXACT same series of breakdown thoughts every dfucking night like GET. INTERESTING abt it if ur gonna KEEP on AT IT . GOOD LORD. 
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