#i will never play corporate politics (learned from my mom) i will never work where i live (my boss)

[frogwen]

i actually dont know what ill do when my boss retires. i wouldnt want to work in another center and be worked like a dog for even less than i get now :( but i could NEVER. EVER. open my own inhome thing bc i value the suffering of others before me and learn from it in their honor <3

[peaches-writes]

in other futures

member: felix wc: 1.4k genre: fluff, angst, time travel au warning: character death, abduction

[8:46 AM]

“Please! Don’t! No—!”

Before the distant voice could even finish, however, you suddenly wake up back in your bedroom with a jolt and a single tear rolling down your cheek that you only notice when you slowly sit up after. Looking around the familiar bedroom walls, eyes slowly having difficulty focusing, your heartbeat eventually calms down and the sinking feeling in your stomach disappears completely, almost as if it was never there in the first place. Like a dream, you think to yourself, except it wasn’t.

“Y/N! Breakfast is ready!” Your mom calls from you faintly outside the closed door, just as you remembered from when you were still living in this very house.

You cover your mouth and hold back a sob. It has been a long while since you heard your mother’s voice. Because of the amount of mistakes that you corrected in your last time-travel and the new ones you made, you lasted in the previous timeline you just woke up om significantly longer than your previous 15 attempts.

Why do I always have to reset at this point? You sigh sadly, forcing yourself to get out of bed. Checking the calendar taped to your vanity mirror, the date April 26, 2018 confirms that you have, in fact, traveled back to the same day yet again.

Stick it out for him, you chant repeatedly to yourself as you then head out for breakfast. With this, the sinking feeling in your stomach slowly returns, growing heavier and heavier with each minute passing.

Because after a while, it just hurts more and more seeing Felix again.

[11:25 PM]

You met Felix on this very day in the original timeline (and, hence, the others too)—but in your first (and only natural) encounter, it was in the afternoon. You met at the local music shop while he was working the afternoon shift on his own and you happened to randomly enter his workplace of all the shops along the street. You asked him for any recommendations and he accidentally turned himself invisible. Because of your unique abilities, you decided on becoming friends.

But you learned, after your third trip, that meeting him even just hours earlier would make the biggest difference in your rather dark future. You had to learn the hard way that you were being watched by the people interested in your abilities even before you met. Because of this, you started learning about Felix’s daily routine, finding out that you can meet him the best at the old park in your shared neighbourhood where he often hung out before work. Barely anyone knows of this place since it’s hidden well with trees.

So here you are, walking to the park a few minutes later than you intended. careful of your surroundings. You see Felix ahead despite your blurring vision, lying down on the unkept grass with a bucket hat over his head to shield his face away from the sun, and your steps immediately become heavier at the sight.

Because no matter how many times you repeat this endless cycle, your heart still aches at seeing Felix again right after seeing him get hurt or even die in an abandoned timeline.

You walk slower when you near, your breath getting caught up in your throat once you’re kneeling directly beside Felix’s sleeping figure.

[11:28 PM]

“I’m a few minutes late but I’m glad that barely made a difference.” Felix removes his bucket hat from his face to an unfamiliar yet pretty sight. You sit next to him, a curious expression on your face as you look down on him.

“E-Excuse me, who are you?” Felix asks politely with an awkward cough while slowly sitting up but to your ears, they just sound rather rude and a bit heartbreaking.

Personally, you can never get used to this.

Nevertheless, you wrap your arms around his neck and engulf him in a bone-crushing hug even though it would seem weird even to you if you didn’t have all the knowledge of 15 timelines. You already know Felix too well that he’s too nice to pry your hands away from him—you just needed to do this for your own sake, especially after what you’ve just seen.

“Um...are you okay?” Felix asks, reluctantly rubbing his hand up and down your back comfortingly. Somehow, to him, the hug feels warm and familiar—as if it was a hazy distant memory. Where have I seen this person before?

“I’m so sorry, I just needed to do that first.” You hold back more tears than the amount you had this morning, different waves of emotions hitting you all at once.

“It’s...it’s okay.” Felix pats your back awkwardly. The situation is awkward enough as it is, his weird feelings of somehow recognizing you makes things even weirder.

[11:34 AM]

“Are you okay?” Even when you try to hide it, Felix noticed the tears you slyly wiped away as you sit next to him now.

You nod as convincingly as you can, even mustering up a smile.

“So, who are you, if I may ask?”

“Y/N.” You hold out your hand for him to shake out of courtesy and he takes it briefly. “It’s nice to meet you again, Lix.”

Felix’s eyes widen. “How did you know that nickname?”

“I just came from a shitty timeline.” You sigh, your grip on the grass below you tightening. “You...uh, died...there.”

All the gears in Felix’s head tell him to freak out and run but he’s somehow glued himself in place, not even able to turn himself invisible. “...Oh, wow, um....that’s...that’s um...”

Though it’s always different in every timeline, you can still count on Felix to not be weirded out easily every every time. “...It’s really long and really complicated in every version but basically I’m here to prevent us from getting kidnapped by an evil corporation who wants to exploit our powers for all the wrong intentions.”

...and also because I keep falling for you in every timeline, you continue the thought internally, afraid of scaring him away, and every time I never get to hear what you wanted to say about it.

“That’s...that’s a lot of information to process.” Felix chuckles nervously, gaining your attention once more. “How would I know that you’re telling the truth? What do you know about me that other people don’t?”

[11:38 PM]

A lot. “Well, for starters, you can turn invisible but only when you focus on certain people so that you’re invisible only to them. You unconsciously disappear when you’re flustered or when you’re extremely stressed over tangible things that’s why you find it hard to complete school work. Also, there’s the one time that you were playing soccer with your friends but end up disappearing because you were so nervous showing off your skill in front of everyone. Then—“

“Okay, alright, alright! I believe you!” Felix covers his ears, making you laugh for the first time since he saw you. “Not even my friends who saw me that day talks about it like that so casually.”

“You told me—well you from other futures—to tell you that in case you asks for proof.” You shrug. “You don’t usually ask.”

“How many times have you traveled back in time?”

“This is the 16th.”

“Have I always been your friend in all of them?” Felix asks with pure curiosity, his eyes full of genuine anticipation.

“Well, I always meet you on this day...” You trail off, leaving Felix unsatisfied with your answer. “First time, it was by accident, everything at first was an accident, then little by little, we started planning things out to see if they’ll change.”

“We? Then? Tell me more!” He casually takes your hands in his and shakes them, unconscious of the way the small gesture made your heartbeat quicken.

But as much as you wanted to tell him everything, you wanted the course of all the timelines to act naturally. “I can’t tell you, they might be spoilers...”

“Oh come on!”

You simply laugh at his pouty and defeated expression. Though it’s another long time of waiting for Felix to come around and doing your best to ward off people with malicious intentions, you’re always willing to go through them in order to save Felix.

I’m going to actually save you this time, Lix, you think to yourself as you watch the boy whine and complain, I have a good feeling about this trip.

m.list

[border-spam]

Everything, and far sooner than Tyreen was ok with, mostly because Troy is so weird.

Ty had given her a basic breakdown on the twin’s first night on her ship once Sei got a drip into Troy and it was clear he wasn’t on death’s door anymore. The buggy ride back to her ship had been terrible, not knowing these kids yet hadn’t made hearing Tyreen’s wracking sobs or the rattle of Troy’s lungs any easier. She’d done her best to focus on driving, tuning her hearing to the crunch of the scorched dust under their wheels, and away from what the girl was saying to her brother as she leaned over him in the back seat. Ty was whispering as she braced his head on her lap, reassurances and mild threats that he better wake up, and Sei would have smiled at the love being showed if it wasn’t so personal. Listening in felt... intrusive. There was a very real chance he’d not be alive by the time they made it to her dock, she’d let Tyreen have this time with in private. It was between them, not her. She was just the fool who hadn’t sense enough to turn down a stray girl's pleads for help, and Sei was sure she was going to regret it.

Once he was finally stable hours later, she’d insisted the girl level with her. The amount of charity she was willing to offer strangers was nearing its limit, it was time for Tyreen to justify why Sei should continue being hospitable when she’d done what she’d been begged to, now that Troy was going to make it. Ty slumped on the floor next to the wall cot where he slept, and sniffled between tears that they weren’t from Pandora. That they hadn’t been prepared for any of this and how quickly things had gone wrong. She’d said all she had now was her brother, whimpered through hiccups that she’d nearly lost him too because she hadn’t been able to help when he got sick, and promised she’d pay her back somehow if they could stay just a few more days. Sei had sighed, rubbing at her forehead tiredly as she felt a headache mull behind her eyes. Painfully aware that two dirty, sick kids with nowhere to go and no one to fall back on were people she’d never be able to forgive herself for turning away, she’d told Ty just to go to fucking sleep. They’d discuss it tomorrow, and that she hoped Tyreen was aware just how lucky she really was to have run into someone stupid enough to give them a chance... that they would need to earn their keep.

That dynamic became the norm even after Troy woke up. Ty did all the talking, while Troy said nothing for weeks. His fearful silence around her in the crew quarters or the way he’d pretend to be asleep and refuse to make eye contact had left Seifa worrying he may be mute; a real possibility considering how often you’d come across folk with selective communication on Pandora. When she brought it up with Ty eventually, she laughed, then waved her hand dismissively. Nah, he wasn’t mute, she’d scoffed. He was just an awkward tool.

Sei would hear them discussing things in muffled voices behind closed doors, but he remained silent around her, eyes wide as he’d pick at the threadbare hem of his sweater and nod yes or no responses politely. 

She would never have thought it would be him that would tell her everything.

Ty had opened up plenty in those first few weeks, especially once she’d decided Seifa could be trusted after not changing how she treated either when Troy’s Siren status had been noted by the medic he’d needed. Tyreen had been adamant at first that they couldn’t trust doctors, that letting anyone know what she and Troy were would be a deadly mistake, but Sei had sworn her “friend” would keep them both under wraps and helped the younger woman understand her brother needed help. She’d been right, Troy’s condition had improved, they hadn’t been sold to a corporation, and Ty blossomed into being genuinely chatty instead of suspiciously reserved.

A happy Tyreen was all confidence and NO subtlety, she’d make huge broad statements like how they were from a “A little backwater planet, oh you wouldn’t have heard of it...” whoever she learned it from was a rampant bullshitter who relied on being boisterous, not believable, and Sei would smirk as she sipped from her coffee, nodding along with Tyreen's clumsy attempts to lie about how they moved here to be stars, taking notes on what she'd need to teach this woman if she was going to have a chance. “Stars...” she’d replied, the twinkle in her eye betraying her amusement at the entire scene Ty had just worked so hard on, “Stars don't wear pants with the asses near tore out of em, Tyreen. You got a lot of work to do, and you gotta start from the ground, love." By the end of the month Ty was raring for opportunity to get off the ship, while Troy was just about mobile, still weak enough to not be able to stand for long. It had been painfully clear his physical condition was poor, the virus that had nearly killed him in their first week on the planet would have been shrugged off as a head-cold by most natives, but weeks later and you could still hear the rattle in his lungs and see the tremor in his hand. Ty had been accompanying Sei on small trade-offs, chores, sales approaches, and was confident enough to beg for the chance to run tasks alone. Said it was a ”Great opportunity to learn the ropes!”, insisted with practiced charisma that it would help teach her to handle herself around Pandorans, and Seifa had wholeheartedly agreed. She’d been on an errand planet side, picking up some carbon buffers from a friend of a friend when Troy had finally spoke.

He’d arrived silently to the table for the meal Sei had called into the cabin quarters to let him know would be up soon, and sat slumped, staring down at the food while Seifa tried to fill the heavy quiet with idle chatter as she prepped her own. ”Any word from Tyreen yet?” -silence, just the brush of cloth behind her as he shifted in his chair- ”She’ll be fine you know, been doing great with me, natural liar! Plays them like cards, heh-heh” She’d turned to sit with her meal and paused mid step as she saw the state he was in, at the exhaustion in his expression as he awkwardly hunched over the little table. He looked shattered, scruffy hair framing the dark rings under his tired eyes, staring quietly at the untouched food in front of him. Sei decided it would be worth gambling a different approach as she lowered herself into her seat.

“Ahhh.. sorry Troy” she’d sighed, resting her cheek on her hand as she leaned on the table and tilted her cup towards him in apology. “I’m boring you, huh. My company must be pretty terrible then, I’m getting rusty...” He’d turned quickly at the theatrically melancholy in her tone and fidgeted as his eyes flickered between hers and the plate in front of him, clearly alarmed and unsure how to respond. She waited, lifting the cup to hide her smile as the massive man in front of her squirmed like a child, before he finally stuttered out a choked:

“N-no. No. It’s not you. You’re .. fine.” There it was. Now they were getting somewhere, he’d taken the bait exactly as she hoped. Looks like letting others down was a weak-point, and she stored that away mentally for the future. 

His voice was softer than she would have expected, crackly from misuse and a still raw throat, but it was something. Now she had to get him to keep going. She’d flashed a friendly grin at him, eyes narrowing as she beckoned with a finger for him to continue. He’d turned to the food again, and his shoulders sunk as the worry on his face was replaced with the same sadness from before, hand shaking slightly as he rested it by the plate. “It’s n-not you. It’s the food. We... we had something like this at home..” He’d paused for a moment then, looking to her shyly for reassurance that it was ok to be talking to her at all, and when he was met with a nod and gentle smile, he started again... and did not stop for half an hour.

Everything. Things she would never have imagined asking about, things someone else would consider intensely private, he spilled in one long, shocking monologue. It felt like he’d been bottling this for god knows how long, and she hadn’t had a clue how to respond as she sat next to him, trying to keep her expression blank and hide how disturbing the things he was calmly explaining were to her.

Leda, Typhon, Nekrotafeyo, the accident with Tyreen, how dad had just thought him a freak but become overwhelmingly controlling and smothering of Ty after mom, how sick he’d been, how she’d tricked him into coming here and he should have known better but he never seems to learn, how hungry he was deep in his bones all the time, how he desperately didn’t want to be here but can’t leave, how much he loves his sister but doesn’t know what to do, everything.

He’d spoke till his voice was cracking and hoarse from misuse, and that was the only thing that had stopped him from continuing, coughing quietly as he stared at the cold food. If Seifa’s reaction was something he noticed, he wasn’t phased by it, and she’d sat in the terrible silence next to him, struggling to think of what the hell she was meant to say.

“That’s rough, buddy.” wasn’t going to cut it. There was no way she could have been prepared for everything he’d just shared so freely, like it was some mundane chat between close friends and not the kind of secrets a normal person would have the self preservation to know not to blurt out to a near stranger. Words were failing her, so she awkwardly extended a hand and rested it above the hollow of his shoulder, stroking her thumb over the ridge of his collarbone in a comforting gesture, and hoped that any kind of reassurance she could offer right now would lessen how vulnerable the moment was. He’d not reacted, still gazing down at the untouched meal, then timidly cleared his throat and shifted his eyes slowly to meet hers from under his brow. “I.. I don’t think I can eat this” he’d whispered as his voice hitched nervously. “I’m going to go back to sleep. Thanks though.... S-sorry again.” He’d stood and nodded gratitude to her, before quietly lumbering out of the room she remained sitting in shock in, the cold coffee still in the cup held by her mouth. Tyreen had a lot of explaining to do when she got back, and Sei didn’t make it easy.

Asks are Open!

[amusedyan]

The Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Dinner

As he walked through the night, feet moving entirely on autopilot, Shirou reflected on his life, and the many choices that he'd made to get into this situation. As well as how to get out of it.

Shirou Sato liked Sayu Yagami very much. She was pretty smart, pretty nice, and even pretty pretty. He could really see them having fun together and going steady. And he liked to think that he was something of a catch too! He was in the top 10 of his class, he played on his school's soccer team, and he even liked to think that he was also pretty pretty! He'd even been scared off of pirating music since Kira showed up!

They'd been going out for almost a month, and Shirou was actually pretty excited to be at least meeting Sayu's mom, even if Sayu's Dad was working. It was a sign that their relationship was moving forward.

And then. They arrived.

Soichirou Yagami. The Father. Light Yagami. The Older Brother. And for some reason, some freak called Hideki Ryuga, who was a friend or boyfriend of the Older Brother?? He actually had never gotten a straight answer from anyone about that.

At any rate, the three of them had only just sat down to dinner- it had been katsudon, and it had probably been pretty good even if Shirou couldn't actually remember if he had managed to eat any- when the other three had shown up out of the blue. Which, fine, for two of them it was their own home and they didn't need an invitation. But apparently it had been over a month since they'd been there? Weird. 

Shirou knew in his heart that Light Yagami had taken one look at him and just. Loathed him on sight. He hadn't done anything but smile and ask questions the entire dinner. 

So do you go to Sayu's school?

Yes, and-

What is your class rank?

Uh, tenth, but-

How nice. Tenth. 

Um, yeah, Sayu and I study together a lot-

Do you.

Yeah, I help her with math and she helps me with english-

Math. How nice of you. 

The entire dinner had been nothing but one question after the other from the guy. Where are you from (Tokyo all my life). What do your parents do (My dad works for the Yotsuba Corporation in Marketing. My mom stays at home). Are you in any school clubs (soccer). What is your prior relationship history (?). What are your university plans (??). Where do you see yourself in five years? In ten (???) Does your family have any congenital medical conditions (???!!?)

And the rest of them just. Sat there. Chatted in the twenty second breaks they could pry from Light’s barrage. Nodded and smiled while Light Yagami stared him down with his ridiculous hair and preppy clothes and a perfectly polite smile that did not go away even while he was chewing. HOW.

And with every answer that Shirou gave, Light Yagami would toss out a little side remark. Like it was nothing.

I was first in my class. Always.

I was a tennis prodigy, did you know?

I had three girlfriends at once and not only did they all know about each other I managed to dump them all when I got bored and get away clean from it. (So he hadn’t said it it exactly like that, but that had been what Shirou had gotten from it)

I’m going to the premier university in Japan.

I’m going to be a member of the police. I’m going to run the police one day, probably within ten years.

We have no history of being predisposed to any illness of any kind on either side of our family.

Everything that Shirou said was picked through. Everything that Shirou was proud of himself for was shoved down underneath the weight of another's accomplishments. Light Yagami hadn’t even said a word about table manners and Shirou knew that he was being mocked about his, just by the prissy way that Light handled his chopsticks and his napkin.

Mr Yagami had plowed through half of the katsudon nodding and smiling. Mrs Yagami had fluttered between her husband and son, nodding and smiling. The Boyfriend? Rival? Cousin? (WHY WERE THEY HANDCUFFED. NOBODY WAS MENTIONING IT BUT WHY WERE THEY HANDCUFFED TOGETHER) hadn’t eaten anything but had also smiled like Shirou was a dog that had learned a new trick the entire time.

And Sayu. His girlfriend.

She’d just sat there. Nodding and smiling. Eating with the same precision as her brother. He wasn’t going to lie, it had hurt that she didn’t do anything to defend him. But honestly? After the dinner he’d just gone through, Shirou was thinking about finding a way out of the relationship anyway. Sayu’s brother was crazy, her wired cousin was crazy, and her parents were probably the craziest since they thought all this shit was normal.

Yeah. Pretty girls weren’t worth this.

(Streets away, Light told his sister “I don’t think I see your relationship with that boy going anywhere. Sayu, you should think about whether you want to tie yourself to that sort of person.”)

(Sayu nods. And smiles.)

(“I know you liked him, Sayu. But I only want what’s best for you.”)

[fightmeyeats]

Let’s Make it That Deep: Thinking about the Surveillance State, Racial Politics, and Humanity in Terminator: Dark Fate

This week I watched Terminator: Dark Fate, which carries forward from the second Terminator film, Terminator: Judgement Day (1991), wisely ignoring everything that happened in movies 3-5. Dark Fate is set in the year 2020 and follows Dani Ramos, humanity’s new hope to survive the future robot apocalypse, as she, Grace (an augmented human from the future), Sarah Connor, and Carl (a T-800 model terminator) fight against a Rev-9 sent back in time to kill Dani. Overall, to quote my sibling, the movie “isn’t a literary masterpiece,” but it is fairly enjoyable--especially if you’re thirsting over the main leads. However, because I have a feral academic-garbage brain I also wanted to spend some time unpacking what I saw as the film’s three major discourses: surveillance/technological inevitability, race politics, and human exceptionalism. These are fraught discourses, often represented in contradictory and confusing ways over the course of the film, but I think it is generative to sit with them and to try to work out what messages are intentionally and/or unintentionally being conveyed through the movie, as well as what the potentials and limitations of these messages might be. 

Spoilers ahead.

i. Surveillance & Technological Inevitability

Before getting into the content of the film, one thing which may be useful to consider is how the movie previews shown in the theater before the start of the movie contextualize reception and engagement with the actual story Terminator: Dark Fate tells. There were quite a few trailers before the movie--enough so that one patron a few seats down in my row loudly commented “is the movie going to start now or what??” as yet another trailer started playing, the majority of which were either for war or horror movies. The two in particular I am interested in discussing are The King’s Man (2020) and Midway (2019), and the way that they both glorify and justify the imperialist/security state. The King’s Man trailer, for example, positions the titular agency as being an “independent intelligence agency” which essentially is able to actively “protect” people while governments fall short. In between clips from the film, title cards read "witness the rise...of the civilized," a shockingly open and yet seemingly unconscious connection between the King’s Man narrative and British colonialism/imperialism. Immediately following this trailer is one for Midway, a WWII moving centering on the aircraft carrier USS Midway immediately after the events of Pearl Harbor, which a character in the trailer calls “the greatest intelligence failure in the history of the US”. The reason why these trailers are important to keep in mind is because they implicitly respond to some of the anxieties articulated in Terminator; if Terminator films speak to fears of technology and surveillance, these trailers argue that really technology, surveillance, and military power are all important aspects of “civilized” nations, necessary for security and safety. 

This actually ties in immediately to the opening of Terminator: Dark Fate, and the death of John Connor which can be interpreted, in one sense, as a failure of surveillance. This actually specifically made me think of Inderpal Grewal’s article “Security Moms,” and the rise of the neoliberal female citizen subject as an agent of security through motherhood in the post 9/11 U.S. The “security mom, essentially, is a “conceptualization of women as mothers seeking to protect their innocent children - a figure that is not so new in the history of modern nationalisms, or even American nationalisms and racism” (Grewal 27). Much like the King’s Man trailer suggestion that private intelligence is better suited to save lives than governmentalized intelligence, “neoliberalism suggests that the state is unable to provide security and thus it disavows its ability to protect all citizens”--only in here, it is the figure of the mother rather than a private agency which becomes the new and better fitted agent of surveillance, always watching for enemies in order to protect their children (Grewal 28). In a voice over, Sarah Connor tells us that she “saved three billion people but [she] couldn’t save [her] son”; a T-800 (Arnold Schwarzenegger) model Terminator which had been sent back before Skynet was destroyed and continued carrying out orders “from a future that never happened” walks right past Sarah and shoots John. While Sarah leaps in to action after she recognizes the threat, she is unable to stop the T-800 from killing her son in seconds. This might actually be a key difference between Sarah Connor and Grewal’s “security mom”: while security moms are a largely a post-9/11 construction of neoliberal/nationalist motherhood, Sarah Connor was a successful security mom in 1991, constantly vigilant and constantly surveilling her surroundings for concealed enemies who could kill her son. In the post-9/11 era, Sarah Connor’s belief that the apocalypse has been averted causes her to believe that she and her son are safe, resulting in inadequate surveillance/vigilance and her son’s death. Much like the framing of Pearl Harbor in the Midway trailer and 9/11 in real life, disasters happen because of failures to appropriately surveil. 

Technological state surveillance itself is reflected in strange ways in the film, which seems to be at once critiquing and accepting constant surveillance. Sarah Connor keeps her cell phone in a chip bag to avoid being tracked and tells Grace and Dani that they will not last without her help because they are not aware of the constant surveillance occurring at every traffic light, every store, every gas station, etc--information the Rev-9 terminator chasing Dani will certainly have access to. Terminator: Dark Fate expresses fears of technological abuse/control and surveillance, but constantly frames these fears as the failure of the government to control these technologies--the threat isn’t what the government will do or is doing with these technologies, but rather that these technologies are uncontrollable or might be used by enemy agents. While one could argue that the fear being expressed here is actually a critique of the existence of surveillance technologies--that technologies exist for a reason and will do what they are programmed to do--this framing overwhelmingly still imagines a kind of governmental neutrality, where the threat is the located exclusively in the technology itself, not in those creating and using it. Here I also want to emphasize that while in Judgement Day there’s a deeper critique of the military industrial complex and the role of private corporations, in Dark Fate it appears to be the government alone engaged in constant surveillance and the technologies which result in the robot apocalypse, with the role of capitalism largely obscured from the connection between the new evil AI, Legion. In this same vein, while it seems that Legion is built as a weapon by the government, but we do not even explicitly know which government--again, the threat isn’t government construction of Legion (although Sarah does comment “they never learn”) but rather the technology itself. 

In the original movies, Skynet was a defensive surveillance software--but this is no longer science fiction; as Edward Snowden revealed/confirmed in 2013, constant mass surveillance is a real thing, and there are real ways people can avoid it (using VPNs, encryption, covering webcams, anti-facial recognition makeup (called CV dazzle), wearing disguises, etc). Despite this, and despite Sarah Connor’s awareness of constant surveillance, the characters don’t do much to avoid surveillance and just as Sarah originally predicted, the Rev-9 easily tracks them through governmental surveillance apparatuses. In the same way, surveillance and the technological abuse/carelessness which bring about the robot apocalypse are largely imagined inevitable. While there is a constant argument for agency and the idea that people can and must make choices in the present moment that determine the future, nothing is done to disrupt surveillance in the present moment, and the future seems to be unstoppable. While we can certainly think about the switch from Skynet to Legion, and the way this articulates a different set of social concerns and anxieties in 2019 than in the late 80s/early 90s, stopping Skynet delays but does not prevent what seems to be, from a material standpoint, the same future. In this same vein, when Grace dies so that Dani can use her power source to destroy the Rev-9, Grace tells Dani “we both knew I wasn’t coming back”; this frames her death as predetermined and fixed. Similarly, at the end of the film Sarah tells Dani she will help her to “prepare”, implicitly suggesting that the future cannot be prevented--further legitimizing the reading of the Skynet to Legion switch as an inability to meaningfully change the future. This brings us to the line used both in Judgement Day and Dark Fate: “there is no fate but what we make for ourselves”. While this line seems to suggest that we have agency and can make choices that change the future, the inability to actually enact change might instead lead to a counter reading of the line: is it that we make fate, or that the fate we get is the one we “deserve”? 

ii. Race (& Gender) Politics

There’s actually quite a bit to think about in terms of the racial politics of Terminator: Dark Fate. One the one hand, we can certainly think about the underlying savior discourse and the transition of this role from a white man to a Mexican woman. There is some fairly heavy handed Christian symbolism involved in John Connor as the white male hero—John’s initials parallel him to Jesus Christ, and Sarah comments “let her play Mother Mary for a while” when she thinks Dani has become the new target because a son Dani will someday give birth to will be the new savior of humanity. Sarah also comments that Dani isn’t the threat, it’s her womb. I want to go two directions on this comment: first, while it of course turns out that Dani is the hero herself, the idea of Latinx wombs as a threat is intricately tied to U.S. immigration policies and histories of eugenics, with the imagined threat being to the preservation of the (white) nation, so to here articulate the idea of Latinx reproduction as a kind of weapon to protect humanity is to offer something very different from a discourse of salvation through white reproduction/motherhood. Second, this line offers a kind of meta commentary on the way the previous movies claimed John as the savior (despite Sarah’s own heroism) to convince viewers that Dark Fate is more politically aware than previous Terminator movies, since Dani is the one destined to save the world (which  of course ties back into my previous discussion of the unresolved tension between fate and agency), not her son and not a white man.

Moving beyond the switch in hero, one of the main things I want us to consider in thinking about the racial politics of Dark Fate is the question of collateral damage: while it’s nothing unusual to see large amounts of collateral damage in the background of an action movie, here this damage seems to be located exclusively in the Global South (specifically Mexico). Most (but not all) of the destruction is disassociated from individual people--for example, in one scene the Rev-9 drives a bulldozer down the wrong side of a freeway, crushing or crashing into numerous cars which obviously have people inside, even though we do not see most of them. Scenes of damage or interactions between populations and the Rev-9 in the U.S. do not result in death the same way that they do in Mexico/along the border. When the Rev-9 is knocked off of a plane after take off and crashes into a backyard in Texas, for example, he picks himself up and apologizes to the white people barbecuing in the yard for destroying their shed before continuing on his way. Similarly, when he flies over a military base which is actively attacking him, he ignores them and continues his pursuit of Dani without fighting back. While in both of these cases, one might argue that this is connected to the Rev-9’s obsession with fulfilling his mission without needing to kill anyone who is not actually preventing him from reaching Dani, a) this is a work of fiction so someone decided that the Rev-9 could fulfill his mission with minimal collateral damage in some spaces but not others, and b) in the final fight at the dam, the workers simply disappear when the fighting begins, removing them from any risk of becoming collateral damage. 

Although there are action scenes throughout the movie, the last scene to involve mass violence against background characters is in the detention center. Before I get into the discussion of collateral damage/background character death at the detention center, I want to start by discussing border crossing and the representation of the detention center more broadly. There are some ways in which Dark Fate does attempt to address the violence involved in detention centers and U.S. immigration policy, but overwhelmingly it falls short. One of the ways we see this is in the actual crossing of the border and the way that it’s not particularly difficult or dangerous for Dani, Grace, and Sarah to cross. Certain popularized images of border crossing are deployed in ways which might suggest this is an authentic look at what it means to cross borders without documents (Dani, Grace, and Sarah ride on the top of a train with other migrants, which I suspect draws from the documentary Which Way Home, and Dani’s uncle, a Coyote, helps them cross the desert and enter the U.S. through a tunnel under the border wall), however the way these images are used as a shorthand undermines the danger undertaken/violence experienced by real undocumented migrants as the result of U.S. border policy. Riding the freight trains, called El tren de la muerte or La Bestia (the Death Train or The Beast) in real life, is highly dangerous and many people are killed or suffer serious and long term injuries as a result, and although we are told that Dani’s uncle is a good Coyote who gets people across safely (and he is of course helping his own niece), crossing the desert is extremely dangerous and many people die. Representing this crossing in maybe 10 minutes of screen time makes it seem easy and safe, obscuring the very real dangers faced by migrants in real life. Similarly, in the detention center border patrol agents are represented as apathetic but not particularly violent/dangerous, and the depictions of the cages migrants are kept in do not come close to reflecting the overcrowding experienced by the people who are being imprisoned in detention centers in real life. Furthermore, the imprisoned migrants do not have speaking roles and become non-agentive; the real suffering of undocumented migrants becomes nothing more than a setting, offering no significant or useful critique of U.S. border policies/politics. This brings us back to that question of collateral damage in the detention center. After Grace breaks out of the medical room she was being held in, she unlocks all of the cages and detained migrants begin to flee; although I have seen this described in some places online as her “freeing” them, escaping migrants become a distraction which aids in Dani, Sarah, and Grace’s actual escape from the detention center and the Rev-9 which has caught up with them. While most of the violence is enacted on border patrol agents rather than migrants (which is good), the Rev-9 does kill/harm some of the migrants who block his path as they attempt to escape, and the only border patrol agent we can identify as a speaking character to be killed is the Black woman who was pointedly apathetic to Dani’s pleas for help during the intake process. Most, if not all, of the other border patrol agents with speaking lines at the detention center are white, and seem to be framed as almost more sympathetic; the medical personnel fixing Grace’s wounds, for example, notices the metal interlaid in her body and are horrified by “what’s been done to her,” viewing her as a victim to be sympathized with. While one of the guards insists “we call them detainees” when Grace escapes from her handcuffs and demands to know where the prisoners are being kept, which offers an attempted commentary on the linguistic obscuration of violence and white apathy, we again must come back to the fact that the white medical guard is left unharmed while the Black guard is very pointedly killed. 

We might push back on this overall interpretation by thinking about the ways that in real life people of color can become complicit in systems of white supremacy which will ultimately harm them while continuing to overwhelmingly protect white citizens, as well as the way that the Global South so frequently is a site of collateral damage, and experiences the displaced violence of the Global North. However, what I want us to think about is that this kind of intervention is useless when it is left latent, and overall only feeds into the constant racialized violence which plays out in movies and television programming. Furthermore, I want us to think about James Cameron’s comment about Judgement Day when he said that the T-1000 looked like an LAPD officer because “the Terminator films are...about us losing touch with our own humanity and becoming machines, which allows us to kill and brutalize each other. Cops think of all non-cops as less than they are”. While some have argued that Dark Fate picks up this legacy by making border patrol the villains, and the Rev-9 does clearly represent a military/border patrol kind of threat, the Rev-9 is also always a person of color. The base appearance, played by Gabriel Luna, is a man of color, and every single person it transforms itself to look like (which we are told kills the person being copied) is also a person of color. Because of this, there is a way in which the critique of border patrol is divorced from white supremacy and people of color become part of what is imagined as the threat. 

iii. Thinking About Humanity 

Finally, this ties into the discussion of humanity and the idea of human exceptionalism and purity articulated throughout Dark Fate. As with much of what I have previously talked about, this is a frequently contradictory kind of discourse which simultaneously broadens and constrains the idea of what “humanity” is/means. One example of this is the way in which augments and terminators that grow a conscious queer the boundary between “human” and “machine.” When Sarah demands they shoot Carl in the face to see what he “really is,” Dani insists “I don’t really care what he is”; through this there seems to be, on some level, an articulation that there’s more to being “human” than literally being a human being. Furthermore, these characters are queer in multiple dimensions--Grace is a very butch, very queer feeling character, and while I don’t want to say that the reformed murderous robot said Ace Rights, Carl’s character does push back against the heteronormative coital imperative by through his relationship to Elisa and his adopted son Mateo, which offers a model of meaningful romantic partnership and family commitment which does not involve biological reproduction or sexual intimacy. However, despite these queer potentials, we are constantly pushed back towards a privileging of “human” through frequent assertions that Grace is human (not a machine, just augmented), that augmentation is unstable (Grace’s frequent metabolic crashes and dependence on a cocktail of medication to keep herself going), and Carl only has the approximation of a conscious and cannot love the way humans do. Furthermore, Carl and Grace both die, suggesting that this queering of the human/machine boundary is untenable. 

So what does “humanity” mean in Dark Fate? Ultimately, it seems to mean protecting the vulnerable and being willing to sacrifice yourself to do it. During the final confrontation between Dani, Sarah, Grace, and Carl, the Rev-9 says “I know she’s a stranger, why not let me have her”; Sarah responds: “Because we’re not machines you metal motherfucker”. While I obviously think the film offers a confused message on agency and that we need to be critical of the racial politics of the film, this ties into what I think (or what I would like to think) the movie hoped to say about border patrol and detention centers: we need to do better by refugees and undocumented migrants. It doesn’t matter whether we know someone, whether we imagine they are deserving or undeserving, what it might or might not cost us to do the right thing; we can choose, in this moment, whether or not we step up and fight against the detention of undocumented migrants, whether we resist ICE, whether we advocate for refugees. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves. 

[fuelcut]

A thought experiment on Silicon Valley’s third era

[ read the tweetstorm if you’re in a rush] 

June 19th marks the end of American slavery, July 4th American Independence and July 14th the storming of the Bastille. It’s also my 40th birthday, and I’m exploring what we can learn from the past to help navigate today’s struggles for racial justice and economic freedom. 

1940-1980: “Atoms” and the military-industrial-labor complex

My dad arrived in the Bay Area in 1970-1971 to get his PhD at Berkeley - just as the area was being rebranded as Silicon Valley.  

Free from the stifling hierarchy of the East, the Bay was America’s center for social, technical and institutional change. Black Panthers policed the police in Oakland, shiny BART trains crossed the Bay to SF where the Gay Rights movement was flourishing. My family tree waited a millennia for India to recognize intercaste marriage. My parents would see radical social change in America across every axis in a single generation. Bold leadership in the 60s expanded civil rights and embraced immigration. They (and I) benefited greatly from an economic and social foundation that had been laid over many decades. 

Caterpillar Tractor - founded in the Bay Area - embodied the spirit of this era. It went from liberating France in WW2 to building a massive middle class, unionized labor force. Cat later moved its headquarters to Peoria, Illinois - because in this era, cities across the country - not just the coasts - had the ability to compete. Since WW2, America pursued an intentional strategy of geographically broad-based economic development - via highways, airline regulation and distributed national labs.  

Caterpillar didn’t just give Peoria a chance, it also gave my dad a chance to put down roots in America by sponsoring his green card. There was no H1B limbo. The nexus of military, industry and labor unions brought immigrants, Women and Blacks into the workforce - with paid apprenticeships (not exorbitant higher education) and technically-focused community colleges paving the way for millions. My mom learned COBOL while her toddlers played in the back of class. Even Hunter’s Point in SF was vibrant during much of this period.  (Of course, it was far from a halcyon era - the war machine had massive human cost globally and civil rights were far from evenly enforced in America.)

And while atoms reigned supreme during this era, the military and government patiently invested risk capital in advanced manufacturing, semiconductors and software/networking to prepare America for its future. 

1980-2020: “Bits” and global capital, jackrocks and polarization

In 1980, Reagan was elected President - and I was born. This would also be the peak of private sector labor employment in the US and the beginning of global capital (and the multinational companies they backed) as the leading force in forging the social contract.

They promised us that countries with McDonald’s would never go to war with each other. Indeed the Berlin Wall fell, Asian laborers got jobs and Americans could buy cheap stuff at WalMart. Global capital (bits) put atoms inside shipping containers and sent them around the world - abstracting consumers from the manufacturing base. 

The writing was on the wall for unions.

As a middle schooler, I saw Cat management and labor (UAW) locked into a multi-year strike over the future. The front line was not in a boardroom or on the picket line. It was neighborhoods, schools and community groups. I remember when a classmate whose dad was in the union talked about how folks in the factory were peeing on effigies of management - including my dad.

Naturally I knew which side I was on. Cat needed wage concessions and freedom to operate to be globally competitive.  I’d read Akio Morita, TPS and Lee Iacocca. I worried about Japan Inc. eating our lunch (yes as a 12 year old!) UAW workers and families were much more grounded. They needed a livelihood and wanted certainty for their future.

---

War continued to wage into high school. We came home one day to find “jackrocks” outside of our driveway - a tool used in feudal Japan to thwart the advancing armies - horses, chariots - etc. of those in power.  In <60 years, Caterpillar had gone from transforming America’s agrarian society to becoming the enemy of American workers. We had the GOP’s Contract with America (stored in my Trapper Keeper) and Clinton signing NAFTA within a couple years. Both parties supported global capital and global capital supported both parties. Maybe jackrocks worked better than voting?

Corporate America soon figured out that if your workers were in China, Mexico or the South, it’s harder for them to stick jack rocks in your driveway. If your kids go to private school or you live in a quasi-private suburb, they’ll be insulated from the wrath of the have-nots in heavily policed, declining urban centers. No peeing on your effigy or having your kid hear about it!

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After college, I became an analyst at Bain & Company. Once an auto parts company hired us to do a “portfolio review”. I meticulously compared the costs of building mirrors in Eastern Michigan or Malaysia - creating a zero defect Excel model. Guess which location won? The auto parts company - like Cat - had the freedom to choose where to put jobs. 

But what freedom did the workers have? Marie Antoinette once said “let them eat cake”. The elites of our era now say “let them move”. Social capital is critical for folks navigating change. The educated elite take the portability of social capital (embedded in college degrees and iMessage threads) as a given. 

But place and social capital are deeply intertwined especially if you’re poor or a minority. While the deep introspection elites once had during 2016 has now been paved over by new crises, we should never forget that there’s a cost to society of losing its manufacturing base and jobs. How do you model the costs of broken families, drug addiction and a polarized electorate in Excel? 

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I grew disillusioned with management by spreadsheet. But I saw a bright spot on the horizon: tech. I remember opening my first iPod, getting 1000 songs in my pocket and believing that America had a shot at leading a new generation of consumer electronics when everyone a decade earlier had written us off in favor of the Japanese. Perhaps tech could bring jobs and prosperity back to the country? I wanted to be part of it. 

So I moved to the Valley in 2004 and joined a VC fund. I saw how the VC funding model that Silicon Valley was built on incentivizes high-risk, high-leverage and massive-scale. It encourages companies to cherry-pick top-end talent (immigrants, marquee college grads) to build the differentiated bits. Pick the highest leverage point in the stack, outsource everything else - by building in China and/or pushing the last-mile to an ecosystem that you can control at arms length.

Tech companies could more than pay back the largely fixed costs of software / semiconductor design from the large and homogenous American market. This dynamic attracted massive amounts of private risk capital and enabled aggressive expansion abroad. This model didn’t work for everything (I got burned with cleantech) - but it worked amazingly well for broad swaths of enterprise software, consumer services and marketplaces. I saw how tech could be an incredible lever for wealth creation. But every visit back home to the Rust Belt made me wonder - wealth creation for whom?

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2020+ - A thought experiment on institutional innovation and putting people first

July 14, 2020 - Q2 Earnings - CEO, MEGA TECH CORP - Hi everyone. These aren’t normal times. We’re not going to talk about our 10Q on this call. We’re here to talk about the next 10 years. So if you’re here for DAUs, ARR or CPC, you can drop off now.


We’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the race, health and economic crises our country faces. Over the last few weeks, I’ve asked our exec team to leave their homes, their Zoom calls, their DoorDash deliveries - to join protests and explore our community through new eyes. 

Race & Place: On Juneteenth, we biked from Sheraton Place to Hunters Point to Tanforan. We saw the real life impact of redlining, mass incarceration of Blacks and the lack of jobs from decades ago - and how our headquarters sustain - rather than disrupt - the region’s policies of de facto segregation. We also remembered how political demagogues once imprisoned our neighbors of Japanese descent. We see today how their rhetoric affects our Black neighbors and colleagues. What might it do tomorrow to folks without legal status in ag/service industries that California depends or the H1Bs we depend on? What does diversity & inclusion mean in this context?

Jobs: The next Friday we biked from SRI to PARC to Sunnyvale and Moffett Field. Our industry once dreamed of a bicycle for the mind and embraced technical education and apprenticeship as a path in the door for Women and Blacks. Meanwhile we’ve pushed vast swaths of work to contractors or platform-mediated transactions - making it harder to use up-skilling as a talent lever like manufacturing employers did in the last era. What’s the impact on income mobility? At what point will 40 million unemployed Americans affect our share prices and the stability of society?

Climate: On Independence Day, we biked on the Bay Trail past landfills, superfund sites and the 101 - alongside poor and minority neighborhoods with terrible health outcomes. We talked about the Bay Area weather forecast for 2060 “fire with a chance of flooding”. We passed abandoned railways and dreams of regional transport - the result of which is folks commuting hours each way from the central valley to work service jobs in our campuses.  We wondered about the long run political consequences of isolating our employee base inside the WiFi confines of a private bus network. Where is the voting base to drive institutional change? How many axles or tires will our commuter buses need to keep them safe from jackrocks on the 101?

Health: Last week, we rode from the old Permanente cement quarry to 101 (built by the same cement workers.)  We talked about how Kaiser - a private employer of low-skilled workers - internalized their healthcare needs, pursued disruptive innovation and faced fierce clashes with the medical establishment. We thought about how COVID is exposing the brittleness of our employee’s isolation inside a private insurance bubble. No one can be healthy in a pandemic without competent public health infrastructure. Meanwhile, the growing cost of private healthcare makes it harder for tech - let alone the rest of the country - to employ American workers across the wage spectrum - exacerbating job loss and instability. 

And as we spoke with others, we saw how the issues that Silicon Valley faces are not unique to one metropolitan area or one industry. It just happens to be the ultimate archetype of Global Capitalism and de facto segregated American metros.

What we now see - more clearly than ever - is that our entire company, our entire industry, our entire Valley - is built on a flawed foundation. 

We can no longer just focus on the magical software bits and hope someone else figures out racial equity, employment, climate and health. This is Joel Spolsky’s Law of Leaky Abstractions on the ultimate scale. The abstractions are failing - and we’re seeing bugs and unintended consequences all around us. And the more we invest to deal with one-off bugs, the more likely we are to calcify change and imprison ourselves inside a failing stack.

It’s like we decided to build the world’s notification service on Ruby on Rails - or building an iPhone competitor on Windows CE. Fail Whale everywhere. Unfortunately, America’s democratic institutions are in poor condition. They are struggling to deal with inequality let alone looming environmental disaster.  A polarized electorate - particularly at the national level - leads to populism and makes it hard for these institutions to execute meaningful, long-term plans.

We talk a lot about speech, misinformation, fairness of targeted ads etc. But it’s becoming clear that UX, linear algebra/training data and monetization in our products is just the tip of the spear to address polarization. We believe polarization is a product of the underlying conditions of civil rights, education, health and climate debt that affect Americans differentially based on race, wealth, neighborhood and region. e.g. If we care about justice, how far does focusing on the fairness of employment ads get us in a world when many people lack the skills and negotiating power to secure a living wage?

So will today’s peaceful protests for racial justice expand into tomorrow’s revolution(s) for economic freedom? If you don’t think things are bad now, think about what happens when the stimulus checks run out. Take a look at the amount of debt in the public sector, use any imagination about COVID, work out what happens to their tax base / pension returns and consider the impact on public services, public servants and their votes.  MMT better be a real thing. Maybe we didn’t start these fires, but that refrain won’t save us when the flames come our way. 

We’re done debating why we need to act. It’s clear America needs our help. Let’s talk about how we’re going to rise to the occasion. Our mantra will be “internalize, innovate, institutionalize”.

First, we’re going to internalize our problems. I’m here to tell you that issues of racial and economic justice are not just moral issues but they’re financial issues. Racial debt, education debt, health debt, climate debt  will hit us harder and harder each year.  (By the way, revolution probably won’t be great for your DCF models.) So we’re going to recognize these off-balance sheet liabilities - which amount to a few hundred billion in the US alone over the next 10 years for a company at our scale. 

Second, we’re going to innovate against these systemic problems - but our only shot at making progress is if we realign the entire company’s mission to address them. This is not about optics. This is not about philanthropy. This is not another bet.  We’re putting all our chips behind one bet - America. It's the country that backed us in the first place, it's where most of our people are and most of our profits.  The job for our existing products, platforms and cash flows will be to advance four areas: place / race, skilling / manufacturing, health / food and climate / mobility - starting in America. The board will measure me based on job creation and diversity.  It should go without saying that we’re pausing dividends and buybacks for the foreseeable future. Every dollar will serve our mission.  Every senior leader will need to sign up for our new mission - and those who choose to stay will receive a new, back-end loaded, 10 year vesting schedule.  We want them focused on the long-term health of society - not the whims of Robinhood day traders or strengthening the moats of existing products. We will need to invent entirely new ways to operate and ship products. As Joel Spolsky said, “when you need to hire a programmer to do mostly VB programming, it’s not good enough to hire a VB programmer, because they will get completely stuck in tar every time the VB abstraction leaks”.  We need engineers, designers and product managers that will look deep into the stack, confront the racial, job access, health and climate debts that our products, our companies and our communities are built on top of. This is not about CYA process to protect cash cows or throwing things over the fence to policy. We will need to innovate across technical, cultural and organizational lines. This requires deep understanding and curiosity. This will bring more scrutiny to our company - not less.  Not everyone’s going to be on board - so for the next 12 months, we’re giving folks a one-time buyout if they want to leave. 

Third, we can’t do any of this by ourselves.  The problems are too big. Our role will be to provide enlightened risk capital (from our balance sheet or by re-vectoring operating spend) alongside R&D, product, platform leverage to help leaders and innovators pursue solutions in these areas.  Of course we will work with our peers and the public sector wherever possible - buying/R&D consortia, public-private partnerships, trusts, etc. But the new era and landscape demands that we explore institutional models beyond global capital/startups, labor unions, NGOs or government. We need models that can more flexibly align people and purpose, that innovate on individualized vs. socialized risk/reward - and that ultimately help build and sustain local, social capital.  It’s difficult to say what these will look like - but increasingly figuring this out will be existential for our core business too. Right now, it doesn’t matter if you’re designing the best cameras in Cupertino or the best way to see their snaps in Santa Monica - we’re all just building layers of an attention stack for global capital. Our Beijing competitors have figured this out. ByteDance is already eating our lunch. They’re using the same tech inputs as us - UX, ML and large-scale systems - which are now a commodity - but with vastly lower consequences for the content they show - creating a superior operating / scaling model. They’re not internalizing social or political cost.

 What we need in this era is the accumulation stack - where each interaction builds social capital.  This is not about global likes. This is about local respect. We’ll create competitive advantage when we build products that reach across race / economic lines to harness America’s amazing melting pot and do so in ways that build livelihoods / property rights for creators and stakeholders.  

With this operating model in place, we’re committing to fundamental change in four areas:

Place & Race - We’re done with de facto segregation. Over the next 10 years, 100% of our jobs will be in diverse communities that embrace inclusive schooling, policing, housing and transit policies. (Starting tomorrow, we’re putting red lines on our maps around towns with exclusionary zoning.) This is not about privatizing cities or an HQ2-style play to extract concessions. This is about investing our risk capital and our reputation to innovate alongside government. How do we bring world-class education to neighborhoods with concentrated poverty? What is the future of digital/hybrid charter schooling? Unbundled, community-driven public safety? We’ll embrace “remote-first” as a means to this end. The Bay will become one physical node alongside others (e.g. Atlanta, DC, LA) creating an Interstate Knowledge System that develops diverse talent across the country. We’re going to coordinate our investment with leading peers - since after all, this isn’t about cost savings or cherry-picking. It’s about broadening our country’s economic base.

Skilling & Manufacturing - We will 10x the tech talent pool in 10 years - by inventing new apprenticeship models that bring women, minorities and the poor into the workforce. We’ll start with our existing contractor base, convert them to new employment models with expanded benefits and paths for upward mobility.  Next, we will invent new productivity tools for all types of workers - from the front office to mobile work to call center - that brings the power of AI and programming to everyone. These will be deeply tied into new platforms for work designed from the bottom-up to build social and financial capital for individual workers and teams.  Last, we’re going to manufacture most of our hardware products - from silicon all the way to systems - entirely in the US within 10 years. This will require massive investment, collaboration and innovation. It may require a revolution in robotics - but we will pursue this in a way that makes the American worker competitive - not a commodity to be automated away. If we’re successful, the dividends of our investment here will have massive spillover benefits to every other sector of manufacturing in the US - autos, etc. - including ones we have yet to dream up. 

Health & Food -  We’re not going to tolerate a two-class system for healthcare anymore. As we convert our contract workforce to new employment models, we’re going to have to innovate on the fundamental quality/cost paradigm across our benefit stack. This may feel like a step down but it will put us (and the rest of society if we’re successful) on a fundamentally better long-term trajectory.  Food is part of Health, and we’re going to innovate there too. Free food for employees is not going to come back post-COVID. Instead, we’ll use our food infrastructure to bootstrap cooperatively-owned cloud kitchens. We’ll provide capital to former contractors - mostly Black and Hispanic - to invest and own these. We’ll build platforms to help them sell food to employees (partly subsidized), participate in new “food for health” programs and eventually disrupt the extractive labor practices we see across food, grocery and delivery. 

Climate & Mobility - Lastly, we’ll be imposing a carbon tax on all aspects of our own operations - which we’ll use to “fund” innovation in this space - with a primary focus on job creation.  This is an area where we’re going to be looking far beyond our four walls from the beginning.  As a first step, we’re teaming up with Elon and Gavin Newsom to buy PG&E out of bankruptcy and restructure it as a 21st century “decentralized” utility.  It will accelerate the electrification of mobility - financing networked batteries for buses, cars and bikes along with charging infrastructure - and leading a massive job creation program focused on energy efficiency.  Speaking of mobility, private buses aren’t coming back after COVID. Instead, we’re teaming up with all of our peers to create a Bay-wide network of electric buses (with bundled e-bikes) that will service folks of all walks of life - including our own employee base.  Oh and one more thing - we’re bringing together the world’s most advanced privacy/identity architecture and computational video/audio to bake public health infrastructure directly into the buses. For COVID and beyond. None of this is a substitute for competent, democratically accountable regional authorities. This is us investing risk capital on behalf of society - with the goal of empowering these authorities. Yes the New York Times will have a field day with this. Maybe in time they’ll leave their bubble, enter the real world, see the sorry state of their institutions - the behavioral health and infrastructure crises on their crumbling streets - and get on board. Until then, our job is to be patient longer than they can be inflammatory. 

Open technology for global progress - While we have to prioritize America given the scale of problems, the intent is not to abandon the rest of the world or hold back it’s progress. We feel the opposite - that over the coming decades each country’s technology sectors will thrive. To get there, we will continue to invest patiently - hiring, training, partnering, investing and innovating - but with a clear north star to help each country develop local leaders in new areas. Long-term, we’ll continue to contribute open technology that others can build upon. 

America should be the proverbial city on a hill for everyone - not a metaverse for the rich with the poor dying in the streets. We don’t have much time so we’re getting to work now. See you next quarter.

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This call may be imaginary but none of this is sci-fi or requires MMT. What it requires is us to care. To act. Join me on bike rides to explore our past and discuss what tangible actions Silicon Valley’s leading companies can take in the coming quarters and years. Logistics here for rides on June 19, June 26, July 2 and July 10!

[lcyalty]

i don’t feel like making a joke to break the ice so here’s one of my favorite tiktoks: https://vm.tiktok.com/s1rSS5/ . anyways, hiii, fed admin sabrina here :) time to check off the introductory personality checklist: i’m 20, a leo, a slytherin, a woc, a pre-law major on the east coast, uhhhh harry styles and marvel trash, i play over 10 instruments, i prefer the thigh over the chicken breast, and i’m really happy u all r here and joined my little creation :’) smack that read more to learn abt my children daisy moretti and jude valentine so we can plot !!

                                                             DAISY MORETTI.                                                  pinterest: https://pin.it/7unKPi8                                                                     the basics: full name: daisy mia moretti | hometown: the bronx, new york | zodiac: aries | orientation: bisexual | employment status: intern on the news broadcasts floor | positive traits: social, determined, hardworking, attentive, confident, smart | negative traits: rude, irresponsible, cunning, cutthroat, insensitive, selfish

the backstory:

here’s the best way i can describe daisy: take the love for fashion and luxury of carrie bradshaw and cher horowitz, mix it with the power and intensity of olivia pope, and add in all the meanness of every single rude, b*tchy person you can think of. that’s her.

daisy was born to a huge italian family who all had odd jobs; her dad specialized in fixing the batteries on smoke detectors. her mom ran the laundromat down the street. a lot of her uncles owned car detailing businesses and she had a couple of older cousins who were janitors or low-level staff members at the local middle schools. while her family was fine with this, because hey, it paid the bills, daisy, who had always had expensive tastes from the start, turned her nose at it all.

she, unsurprisingly, became the first in her family to make it past high school. daisy did absolutely every major, resume-boosting thing while she was in school, because she learned very quickly that she liked power and being better than others. there was something she loved about coming home from school and getting to brag about her debate team win while her cousins could only nod. 

she was great at school, and she made sure everyone knew. she did mock trial, debate, sga -- she even joined the environmental club just for the clout. and then one of the people in her model un group said she should run for president one day.

it made sense. daisy likes power, she likes bossing people around and always being right, and she doesn’t take shit from anyone. she’d be a fantastic fucking president. so, naturally, after finishing college and pushing through an internship she didn’t really like just so she could have another bullet point on her resume, daisy applied for an internship at masters international. she knew she’d get the gig, obviously.

daisy loves fashion and luxury. she spends majority of her money on vintage chanel tweed matching sets to wear into the office, she has red bottoms that give her four extra inches of height, and her foundation costs over a hundred dollars. you’d think she’d want to be on the floors that deal with vogue and help organize new york fashion week, but that’s not going to get her a presidency, duh. daisy interns on the floors that handle the news broadcasts so she gets firsthand knowledge on all the shit, political or otherwise, that goes down in the country.

i would love to type more but i don’t want to hint at anything that points to her secret, so i’m going to explain a little more about daisy’s personality

she’s so, so controlling and bossy. she wants to be the absolute best at everything, and the shining star of it all. daisy’s definitely an attention hog, and she’ll bust her ass on her work to make sure she’s better than everyone else on the floor with her. 

daisy’s very picky about who she hangs out with. as a future presidential candidate, optics are very important, obviously. she only surrounds herself with people she deems to be good for her image, and she’ll gladly let you know that she thinks you’re too shitty to be around. she cares a lot about how she appears to other people, you know.

daisy is selfish and rude, and truly doesn’t care if she hurts someone’s feelings. she speaks her mind and has absolutely no filter -- which gets her into a lot of trouble, i’m sure you can imagine. 

wanted connections:

enemies: if you need a bad guy or work rival in your character’s life, i wholly volunteer miss daisy moretti as that bad guy. it’s not hard for her to make enemies when you consider her personality.

ex: please please give me an angsty ex plot filled with depth and all the details. there’s gotta�� be a reason why daisy wants to be not only the first female president, but also the first president without a spouse, after all.

hookups: listen. she has needs.

                                                            JUDE VALENTINE.                                                   pinterest: https://pin.it/1dfK9dE                                                                 the basics: full name: jude lee valentine | hometown: tuscaloosa, alabama | zodiac: gemini | orientation: heterosexual | employment status: corporate attorney for masters international | positive traits: friendly, warm, sociable, extroverted, smart, witty, energetic | negative traits: compulsive, secretive, disloyal, impulsive, ignorant, desensitized

the backstory:

picture it with me: a ranch. nice pale green shutters and a huge yard. there’s cows in this picture, too, and horses. there might even be goats. there’s a tractor by the two ford trucks, a dog sleeping on the porch, and not another house for another twenty minute drive. this is what jude valentine is used to. he’s a country boy from alabama, equipped with the southern accent and everything. yes, he has a pair of cowboy boots. yes, he brought them to new york with him. yes, he pronounces creek as ‘crick’.

jude is a very sweet boy. he was quarterback in high school, got good grades, and every sunday he went to church with his family because Bible Belt things. homeboy is named after a book in the Bible. he’s all about southern manners and hospitality, about treating people kindly and always putting others first, and he always keeps his morals in check. or, he used to.

when you’re home it’s hard to stray away from what you’re used to. the same held true for jude in college, because even though he went to u of alabama (can you hear him yelling roll tide), he was still in his home state so he felt those morals still stuck with him. but then he applied for law school and got a full ride to nyu law, and whew, the Temptation

‘cuz you see, jude was always a sweetie pie. he still is! in high school he was super popular because he was tall and cute and athletic but funny and brought extra biscuits from home to hand out in homeroom. i’m not gonna lie, he’s charming af. he’s smooth and he has good jokes. the girls loved him but the little sh*t had a purity ring.

but then he got to nyc for law school and let me tell you. alabama is not close at all to manhattan, now is it. jude was fine the first couple of weeks, just worked on his case briefs in his shoe box of a starter apartment... but the women. homeboy started sleeping around a LOT after a while. y’know wet dreamz by j cole where he’s like haven’t been inside p*ssy since i came out one? yeah, that was jude until ny, and he’s very much still like that

is jude still the sweetest, nicest guy ever? yes. is jude still the type of guy to knock on your office door and ask if you want to walk to get coffee with him even though you guys have probably never met? yes. is jude the first guy on the dance floor when there’s a midnight party on the rooftop? yes. is jude the type of guy who’ll fuck with you and say no, he only listens to music made by a spoon and a blade of grass if you think he only listens to country music? yes. but he also has slept with at least twenty different interns and employees at the office, so.

he also dabbles in the occasional little pill when he’s got eight depositions to write up before tomorrow but he was too busy screwing some chick the night before. he first did this in law school. but we don’t worry about that.

stop it, i know what you’re thinking: sabrina, come on. so he sleeps around, okay. what’s the big deal about that?

here’s the big deal: he’s engaged.

lil (i say lil but he’s 6’3” while i’m only 5’0”, so lemme stfu) cupcake jude is a cheater. he’s got a whole fiancée and yet he still sleeps with other women, and each time he’s like no, okay, that was the last time for real, but then there’s a new intern at the office and the higher ups always throw the new people at him because he knows how to make people feel comfortable, and his country accent is cute and refreshing among all the new york bs, and the whole attorney thing certainly isn’t a negative, and, well. he gets tempted. and afterwards he always tells the girl okay, please, can this stay between us.

u wouldn’t know he’s engaged either bc it’s not like he’s wearing the engagement ring, now is he

i’m staying hush on daisy’s secret but jude’s is that he’s cheating on his significant other with people in the office. is he still a nice guy? heck yeah, but also, you have to be a certain kind of messed up to keep cheating on your s/o and just not tell them. that’s a lotttt of lying you’re just comfortable with. oh, what’s that? you’re threatening to tell his fiancée that you two slept together because you think she deserves to know? well. he’d hate having to do it, but... jude’s not above knocking someone down if it means his secret stays hidden.

wanted connections:

hookups: literally i will take as many hookup plots i can get. doesn’t matter if they’re an intern or an employee; jude will sleep w them and then make them promise not to tell anyone in the office afterwards because “wE’rE nOt sUpPoSeD tO sLeEp wItH cOwOrKeRs” but we all know why he wants to keep it under wraps. this also doesn’t have to be an only connection; he can be friends w someone but also hook up w them on the low too

fiancée: this one is huge for me so pls pls message me if ur seriously interested in this plot and we’ll talk !!

friends: this one is so easy bc jude will literally make conversation with a chair. he’s super sociable and fun and approachable and he loves making friends !! give me some ppl he can pester during lunch break and throw balled up pieces of paper at

best friend: he’s gotta have that one person that he just clicks really, really well with. jude talks to everyone and he’s super friendly but this person is his confidant. he goes to them w almost all of his problems and rants to them and asks for advice and likes to just be around this person. trusts them w his entire life. hmuuuuu :)

ex: listen. we all need a good ex plot and this person is probably the only one in the office jude isn’t bringing a complimentary donut to

sister: jude has a younger sister and honestly she was gonna be a npc but the idea of him looking out for her at the office and getting all (ง•̀_•́)ง when ppl r mean to her is smth i reeeeally like. or maybe they actually don’t get along that well and bicker a lot but there’s still that underlying hey i’ve got your back. you piece of shit. type feel going on !!

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E52 (Feb. 26, 2019)

There’s a lot to unpack here.

This week’s guests are Laura Bailey and Liam O’Brien!

Announcements:

Travis Willingham’s Yeehaw Game Ranch debuted today on CR’s Twitch channel! Travis and Brian will be livestreaming every other week at 4 PM Pacific (alternating with MAME Drop). Today’s episode will go up on YouTube on Thursday. On Monday, March 4, the Kickstarter for the VM cartoon will go live! They’ve been talking about this almost since the start. This episode of TM will be uploaded to YT on Thursday morning, and will be available on a one-week delay in podcast form!

The cowboy hat makes the rounds. Laura points out that she was actually in an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger.

Okay, on to episode 52: Feral Business. (Liam, just as the splash screen comes up: “That means masturbating.”)

Laura: “I think everybody should refer to their penis as a tiefling. Anyway, continue.”

There’s a discussion about classes for said tieflings. It gets a little out of hand.

Stats! Jester got her 5th HDYWTDT of the campaign against the shoosuva. Caleb has now dealt over 1,400 points of damage. (Liam: “Really?”) Frumpkin got his first natural 20 to perceive the rats and shoosuva. 

Laura and Liam have a heated negotiation about who gets to cuddle the Jester and Kiri plushies.

100% of the out-of-character motivation for the Disguise Self was just Liam missing being Laura’s twin. Liam: “You know, I like to have fun in my D&D games.” They enjoyed getting to sit next to each other again at the live show. 

Brian: “What were you gossiping about?” Liam: “Your tiefling.” Laura: “Specifically yours.”

Jester’s view on Caleb hasn’t changed since his backstory reveal. Laura: “I feel like it makes more sense that he’s more standoffish, and it made me feel much more guilty for the times I gave him shit for being muddy and stinky and stuff.” She points out that Jester got to see a lot of different types of people pass through, not to mention listen in on their conversations, and probably has a broader experience with a variety of people than some might expect.

Liam talks about how Xhorhas is “rough, and the customs are different, but it’s a real place” and not the bogeyman often presented to the Empire.

He objects to a question talking about how Caleb’s planning to take down people in the Empire, pointing out that he’s never confirmed that. Laura immediately concocts a theory about Caleb being a top-secret spy for the Empire.

Laura: “Jester has no idea that her charisma isn’t as high as... Beau’s or... is Beau’s very high?” She loved leading a diplomatic conversation, and didn’t know how it would turn out, but she feels like she killed it.

Snoozy Henry!

Liam: “Caleb’s not scared of being manipulated. I think that’s done.” It feels off being away from the Empire, not because he still feels loyalty, but mainly because everything that matters to him is still there.

Another round of dick jokes comes to a climax (sorry) with “Cocks Machina”.

Gif of the Week! Jester learning the ways of the goth.

If the opportunity presents itself, even in Xhorhas, Jester will 100% pull a prank and try to spread the word of the Traveler. “Nothing is sacred to Jester!”

Laura mentions that she has no backup character planned if Jester dies; she feels like having a backup will make her more likely to accept the possibility of losing Jester.

Jester doesn’t really care about the Empire vs. Krynn conflict. “Political bullshit. I don’t think the Krynn are necessarily evil, but I don’t know.” Liam points out that nobody really knows the motivations behind the conflict in the first place. Caleb mainly sees it as a big mess. “Caleb will still have emotional ties to where he was born and raised, but he knows they’re flawed and awful. They’re really terrible people.”

Laura’s theory: “The Empire stole a lot of artifacts. They stole the dodecahedron. The Krynn just want it back. And now we have it. And we’re fucking everything up.”

Big Tiefling Energy.

Jester on tattoos: “Nah, I’m not afraid of the pain! I can take it! I’m really strong!” She’d totally get a tattoo if the right idea came along.

Caleb isn’t too concerned about the group getting sidetracked, since he doesn’t really have “an agenda for where he wants to go”. He wouldn’t want to do something boring, but that’s not exactly a worry with this group. “They keep going to places with things he’s interested in.”

Laura on Jester’s changing dynamic with Nott: “It’s interesting to find out that Nott’s a mom. She knows what that relationship means, and she is just devastated for Nott that she can’t be with her son.” What seemed the worst was that she didn’t have someone who thinks of her the way Jester thinks of her mom. “I thought about so many times just her not taking a bath. It just makes me so sad.”

Fan Art of the Week! A giant city-tortoise.

Liam: “Man, get a load of Brian’s kenku.” Dani: “This has to stop.”

What the heck does “consecuted” mean? Laura: “I think it means something about being reborn.” Liam: “Yeah, reincarnation.”

Liam on potentially picking the wrong spells: “I don’t worry that I will. I just know that I will.” Marisha warned him.

Brian asks Laura about where her vote’s hovering in the vote for DnD Beyond’s president. Laura: “I feel like Liam has a stronger platform.” Liam: “Is that a dick joke?” Laura: “I’m sitting next to Liam. So Liam.”

Dani: “Contractually, as Sam’s campaign manager, I have to vote for Sam. But he’s also not paying me, so I’m just saying, Liam, if you paid me, I could maybe switch sides. Look, I’m working for exposure only, and I’m feeling very exposed.” Liam: “Listen, my shell corporation will talk to your shell corporation after the show.”

Jester’s not too worried about the group being disrespectful by hanging onto the dodecahedron. “It’s a powerful thing! Look at it! We can play with it!” Liam: “Yeah, it’s not her god.”

Liam: “I miss playing twins.” Laura: “I do too, buddy.”

Henry is moved to the couch when Liam starts literally curling up on the floor to be closer to him:

Jester would create a Magical Viagra spell. Dani: “Like the Wand of Smiles, but for dicks!” Laura: “The point of it would be to just make people feel awkward.”

On Jester checking on Fjord’s tusks: “It’s important to her that he appreciates himself as much as others appreciate him.”

Liam: “My character will probably die soon anyway.” Everyone: “LIAM O’BRIEN.”

Laura points out that Jester’s come closer to death than Caleb. “If anyone’s going to die soon, it’s me.” Brian: “Stop it! Stop!”

Search for Grog Questions (SPOILERS FOLLOW!)

The group played a private home game as Vox Machina for fun recently (”It didn’t make sense, but it was fun!”). Liam was envious of the group getting to play their characters again, so he wanted to play something at least VM-adjacent. He also loves building out the world and wanted to continue fleshing that out. “She saw VM, unbeknownst to them, a couple times.” He also wanted to be able to keep people from dying and “breaking the universe.”

Laura on playing VM again: “It was really crazy, and me and Taliesin gave each other the biggest hug after the show. I missed Percy and I missed that relationship so much!”

Having Lieve’tel around was painful, but Vex “didn’t have the same reaction to it the way Keyleth did. It was bittersweet. I think she appreciated that someone appreciated what her brother did.”

Gilmore and Allura’s voices were big moments of nostalgia. Percy-Vex banter. Scanlan wanting to kill Trinket. (Laura really thought she’d have to leave Trinket behind, and the “I can carry him” killed her.) Scanlan’s singing. Pike! Liam: “Roasting the shit out of Travis.” Laura: “Oh my god.”

[pambradaza]

Kung mas lalo kang humirap ngayon, sino ang sisisihin mo?

I’m not a fan of Filipino noon shows, but this episode really stuck with me. Vice Ganda here, rebukes Anne Curtis’ and a contestant’s argument that the poor remain poor because they are lazy. For him, especially as someone with the rags to riches narrative, his success does not discredit the hard work of farmers who are cheated by unfair pricing and monopoly in agribusiness. He also shared that in the past, he used to think the same way as well. However, he now realized that it is the people with leverage who are constraining others. Injustice and inequity is still prevalent as one can observe in the school setting, for example. The rich are typically labeled the brightest minds for they can afford private tutors and have access to the internet and academics materials. Although there is a right to education, many are still at a disadvantage due to the high cost of education.

WHAT. A. DRAG. I know, but I wanted to use this as an example in order for us to better understand the habitus of two different sides of the same coin. What has led me to my current disposition? What has led the Women of Buklod to theirs? 

May naibinhi nga ba ang Binhi sa akin?

When I first signed up for LB01, I did not expect that I would be able to learn more than I already knew. Being a female, I have always thought that I’ve had a clear picture of the plight of women. I was, of course, proven wrong. One’s mere similarity with another does not immediately entail a clear understanding of another’s situation.

The women of Buklod ng Kababaihan were former sex workers in Olongapo. Sex tourism was prominent in their city, especially during the time of the U.S. military in the Subic Bay Naval Base. Its closure after the American Occupation, however, did not abolish the bars and clubs that have made their niche. Instead, only the clientele of the so-called Sin City changed.

Ate Jen (not real name), Ate Apple (not real name), to name a few, were strong women. Behind their smiles, however, are lingering stories of pain and abuse. Belonging mostly from the marginalized sectors, these women were the breadwinner in the family. Some of them were even sold by Mothers to the sex trafficking ring or were molested by their family members. Most of them, due to the violence and harassment experienced in their families, ran away. This is where the women were unfortunately reeled into sex work. Ate Apple, one of the oldest in the group, gave birth to a half-American who will never get to know his father. Ate Jen, the Buklod member I got to talk a lot with, shared that she made a round with all the abuses one could ever think about. Due to lacking educational attainment, Ate Jen and many others were unable to land on jobs that could satisfy the needs of everyone in the family. For Ate Jen, specifically, it meant going home and not being able to feed the mouths of her 6 children, her relatives, and her husband. Thus, she was pushed into the world of an “entertainer”. For some, however, sex work was a choice. It was a chance to explore their sexuality whilst earning income. Unfortunately, this entailed contracting sexually transmitted diseases, unfair treatment in the workplace, and abuse.

Raised by Catholic parents, Ate Jen was a devout Catholic. Thus, when she was finally able to liberate herself from the horrors of the growing sex industry, she vowed to give back to society. Along with many others, Ate Jen volunteers in the programs of Buklod ng Kababaihan in order to support sex workers and to help their families as well. Buklod ng Kababihan wants to highlight that there are other opportunities for women to earn money. At the same time, they understand the reasons for many to continue sex work. Thus, they want to protect the rights of sex workers as well. Roughly translated, I remember Ate Joy telling us that before she was aided by others, she lived a life in submission. Now, although barely scraping by, Ate Jen says she is the happiest she can ever be now that she spends her time with her children, works an honest job as a janitress, and helps other women through rallying and working for Buklod.

Pushed by their harsh environment to be tough and independent, these women are the epitome of true grit. They have learned their ways in order to survive. Cunning, bold, fearless – such words barely justify the strength of the women of Buklod. Seeing them laugh and stand proud, it makes one forget that once upon a time, these women felt that at a point in their lives, they were hopeless. With no authority figure to guide them and barely any support felt as a child, these women were forced into maturity at such a young age. This makes me ponder about the great class disparity here in the Philippines. Every night for nineteen years, I came home to loving parents and a hearty meal. Unknowingly, on the other side of the wall, there were families of a dozen sharing a cup of noodles to warm themselves as they slept at streets, with lampposts as their only light.

I have always labeled myself as belonging to the middle class or the comfortable living standard. I never appreciated what we had because I always thought that it was not enough. We weren’t rich. We just had enough to feed our mouths and pay our tuition. My parents grew up in poor families. My mom used to sell ice candy and banana cue when she was twelve. My father was a caretaker of houses every summer during his childhood to help his parents. Thus, I was shaped to think that I needed to work hard so that I may be able to repay my parents. Although my parents did a good job of alleviating our standard of living, some of my relatives weren’t fortunate enough. Thus, I was encouraged to study hard. Even my drive as a Management Engineering student is stirred by my hopes of a better future not only for my children but for my relatives as well. Although my parents grew up with parents of the working-class, perhaps the reason they have never raised a hand on my sister and I, or that they value education and hard worker, no matter what the cost, is attributed to their upbringing. Although I never got the chance to be close with my grandparents before their passing, I heard of their stories. They might be tough at times, but they worked hard for the future of my parents. Thus, I believe that my profound interest in socioeconomic issues or politics, in academics, and my self-direction and autonomy is a product of the structured and structuring structure of my habitus.  

Although at some point, some women of Buklod shared the same story as my parents, my parents had different social capital. They were influenced by scholars in the family. My granddads were engineers and my grandma was a teacher. They were low in economic capital, yes, but the similarity in their demand and resource was offset by the great force backed by the environment. For my parents, they valued education and they wanted to be part of the corporate world or at least to move up from being blue-collared workers. Ate Jen and Ate Apple didn’t have that kind of support. In their respective fields, actors such as their families and friends played a role in their transformation, in the context of my parents, or preservation, in the situation of the sex workers, of their social hierarchy. Thus, my current disposition is brought about by the earned privilege I have as bestowed by my parents. For many others, however, the life they live today as a combination of the life they were born to and of the oppressive system of our society.

In the end, it all boils down to us as members of our society. Do we live for ourselves, or do we live for the greater good? If we all take our time to reflect and see the consequences of our actions, we will soon be able to realize that we are often clouded by notions of greed and thirst for greatness. When we soon stop ourselves from clinging to be the best among the rest, that is when we soon see that there need not be the best. What we need as a society is to be able to cater to each and every one. Perhaps, if we are open to such concept, then maybe the term marginalized will be nonexistent as well. In a documentary I have watched entitled “Walang Rape sa Bontoc”, I realized that if we are able to strengthen our ideals of equity and respect, then concepts such as the poor, violence, rape, abuse, discrimination, and many more, would never have been created or would have no use for at all. It is a long journey to such dream. Too idealistic would be a phrase for many. However, I do believe that no matter what the cost or no matter how long it takes, if we all see through our materialistic desires, we may be able to find ourselves as one with everybody else. This is what Binhi has made me see. I never thought that I’d ever quote Vice Ganda or use his philosophy for any circumstance at all, but truth be told, it is in our hands as people of privilege to help others to stand and grow as well. 

[justanoutlawfic]

Crash: Chapt. 4 [Family Dinner]

Summary: A look back into Regina’s upbringing as she tries to get through dinner with her mom.

Also on AO3

As Regina pulled in front of her mother’s house the following evening, she did her best to suppress a sigh. She knew that she could call off the dinner. There were times that she had in the past. Regina could take Henry to Granny’s for burgers and he wouldn’t question it. He was always polite to his grandmother, but would complain about whatever concoction she had forced them to eat once they were back in the safety of her Mercedes. Unlike Daniel’s side of the family-who Henry always loved to visit-he never asked when they would see Grandma next. Regina didn’t blame him. If it weren’t for the date inked in red on her calendar, she’d like to forget it as well.

 With ditching dinner, however, would mean a guilt trip. They weren’t rare for mothers and Regina knew that. She also knew that Cora had a lot of honesty in hers. Henry and Regina really were the only family Cora Mills had left in the world.

 Cora hadn’t always been wealthy. She had grown up the daughter of two very poor factory workers, that liked their beer. Cora had busted her butt to make it through college. Despite one bump along the way when it came to Zelena’s father, she had been successful. Not long after graduating, she met Henry Sr. He was the youngest son of the Mills family, far off from inheriting the family business. Even so, he had a comfortable income and being a single mom wasn’t exactly the best look for Cora. So, the two got married and he adopted then 2-year-old Zelena. Regina had come along not after that.

 “Are we going inside?” Henry asked, breaking through her thoughts. “Or are we making a break and going to Granny’s?”

Regina smiled over at him. “Sorry, bud. We’re going inside.”

 Henry made a face, but then got out of the car with his mom. Regina lead him to the door, ringing the bell. The housekeeper ushered them in, taking their light jackets and leading them into the living room. Cora changed things throughout the house like a person changed their underwear. It had always bothered Regina, as she wished that she could have pieces that she could connect to memories. After she and Daniel split, they had divided possessions so not only Henry but they could have that.

 The house hadn’t always been quiet and cold. There had been a time when parties would be thrown weekly As children, Zelena and Regina would sneak down from their bedrooms when they were meant to be asleep. They’d grab different foods and go back on up to Zelena’s room, listening to the classical music and mild chatter from below. Often times, they’d dress up in their mother’s clothes over their nightgowns and mock the uppity.

 When they were teenagers and their parents left for long stretches of time, the girls would throw their own parties. They were never as dignified as their parents’, of course. Regina could remember desperately trying to get wine out of the carpet before Cora realized what had gone on.

 Once upon a time, Regina had been really happy in that house. Even after Henry Sr. died, she had Zelena to help get her through the dinners. Now, she had Henry, but he wasn’t old enough to quite understand Cora’s comments. Luckily, Cora never said anything negative about Daniel in front of him, and that was all Regina cared about.

 “You came,” Cora said, rising from her seat. “And you brought my grandson.”

“I tell you that I always will, unless he’s with his father,” Regina replied, kissing her mother’s cheek.

Cora gave her a look before hugging her grandson. “How is your schooling, Henry?”

“It’s good,” Henry replied. “We’re learning about World War II right now.”

 Luckily for Regina, that took up much of Cora’s attention. She was quite the history buff and gently quizzed Henry on all he was learning. Regina listened in, making sure her mother wasn’t being too hard. She tried not to be too protective when it came to Henry and her mother, but it was hard. Cora would never purposefully hurt her grandson, but it didn’t mean that she never had. Henry wasn’t the kind of kid to play sports, he preferred to read comic books and write his own stories. If you asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, his dream was to be an author. That wasn’t practical in Cora’s mind and she had said it quite a few times. Luckily, Henry just brushed it off. Regina didn’t want him to have to do that, though.

  Family was supposed to be a safe space, or at least that’s how she had once felt around her father and sister. In Daniel’s family, everyone was so supportive. His mom still called Regina once every few months and she did some business with his brother William, who was always kind to her. The Colters were such a departure from Cora Mills, but Regina had long given up wishing her mother was any different. It was a waste of a wish.

 Eventually, the housekeeper stepped into announce that dinner was ready. Regina followed her mother and son into the dining room. Cora had selected some sort of fancy chicken for the main course, that even made the adventurous Regina’s stomach turn. Either way, she politely dug in. When the cook went around the table with a bottle of red, Regina gently turned him down, which caught Cora’s eye.

 “You can’t have just a glass?”

Regina bit her tongue. If she had told her mother once, she had told her a thousand times. “I don’t drink alcohol, Mother.”

“I just don’t understand the trend.” Cora took a sip of her own glass. “In our circle, we drink. I can’t imagine how insulting it is to your colleagues or business associates when you turn them down.”

 Regina resisted the urge to roll her eyes. It was true that in her line of work, she was offered alcohol at business dinners or when she went to the restaurants to check on things. Normally, no one made a big deal or was insulted. There were a few times she could see someone was offended that she didn’t want to try their personally selected house white, but Regina wasn’t going to risk sobriety for a client. If they couldn’t respect her, then they weren’t worth it. Cora didn’t like that, not one bit.

  Sometimes, Regina regretted going into the family business. Zelena had been smart, she hadn’t wanted to touch it with a ten foot pole. So, she got her degree in nutrition. Meanwhile, Regina and Daniel had both attended business school. While he took on a position at another corporation, Regina followed in her father’s footsteps until his death, when she then took over. She was still under her mother’s thumb, even if Cora didn’t show her face at the office. Regina liked to joke to her colleagues that her mother watched them all from an ivory tower, only coming down when it was convenient.

 Regina watched her mother slowly drink the wine, knowing that it wasn’t her only glass for the night. She had learned better than to classify others as an alcoholic before they were ready, but it wasn’t a secret to Regina that Cora had a problem. From what Regina had heard, it was all hereditary on her mother’s side. She had never known her maternal grandparents, but according to Henry Sr., his mother-in-law had died from psoriasis of the liver and his father-in-law was in a workplace accident due to alcohol consumption. Cora had always prided herself in being better, but she wasn’t, not really. Regina could recall the many nights where her mother would put away bottles of wine. The maids would bring out garbage bags from the master suite on a weekly basis. If Cora had to go a night without alcohol, Regina worried for her mental state.

 All of that said, Cora still refused to admit she had a problem. She was highly embarrassed from Regina doing so. Despite no one in their circle knowing that she went to A.A, Cora worried they would. She always worried what people would say, more than she would at the fact that her daughter was going through a traumatic event. When Cora caught wind of Daniel getting full custody of Henry, she worried more about how it’d make the company look, rather than Regina. Appearances were everything and Regina understood why, even if the rest of the world didn’t. Cora had spent her whole childhood, having no say of how she was perceived to the world. She was forced to wear ratty clothes and reek of the cigarettes her parents smoked in the house. Now that she was older and had money, she would do all she could to control how others saw her and her family.

 Even if it meant pushing Regina away in the process.

 “Well, luckily I don’t think Remy is offended that I turned it down,” Regina said, finally. She took a sip of her water. “Besides, we’re not here to discuss work. We leave that behind at the office, do we not?”

Cora eyed her daughter, but finally nodded. “Of course, dear. Whatever you say.” She turned her attention back to Henry. “So, Henry, tell me more about what you’re learning in school. Surely, it’s more than the war.”

 Just like that, they suddenly had nothing to discuss. It was sad, but a true part of their life. Outside work and Cora occasionally commenting on how Regina would be perceived to others, they didn’t have much of a relationship. It was sad to think that Cora got along better with Henry than her. It made Regina feel lonely in Cora’s home. She looked around the table, taking in where Henry Sr. and Zelena would’ve been sitting at this meal. Henry Sr. would’ve been quiet, not wanting to step on his wife’s toes, but Zelena would be nudging Regina and making some comment about their mother.

 It suddenly made the bottle of wine sitting at the center of the table look at all that more appealing. Regina cleared her throat and turned away from it, listening to Henry talk about his Science class. She’d call Mal when they were back at home, if it wasn’t too late. In the meantime, she kept repeating in her head of all the things she got to keep with her sobriety.

 Henry. He was the most important. She was not going to lose him again. Those two years had been hell, only getting him on weekends.

 Her job. This made sure that she could provide for Henry. She highly doubted Cora would fire her, but it was still important.

 Being on good terms with Daniel. She had fought hard for that.

 The pride that came with knowing that she was sober. She had worked like hell for the chips that she kept in the clay pot in her home office. It wouldn’t be worth it to throw all that away for a glass of wine.

 She had to drive home and she wasn’t going to make that same mistake twice. She thought of the person she had killed, just as she did every day. She couldn’t take another life like that.

 Robin.

 Regina suddenly did a double take. Why the hell did he come to mind? The two of them hadn’t even been on their first date. She barely knew him a couple of weeks. He shouldn’t be on the list of reasons for her to stay sober.

 Yet, there he was. She couldn’t have a future with him if she slipped. Even if she didn’t know what that would bring, she knew deep down that it wasn’t worth it.

 Regina kept her eyes off the bottle for the rest of the night, her mind floating back to everything she had to fight for. Even the person that she wasn’t aware she wanted to.

[ruthdu]

This is a post about Sports

I am my Mother’s daughter and my Father’s son. I grew up doing ballet, religiously practicing the piano, and appreciating a detailed skincare regiment while playing rec soccer, going to basketball camp and watching sports. Sure, you can argue that my Chinese immigrant parents were very ambitious and “forced” me to participate in these activities when I was younger, but because of their stern suggestions, I became a dancer, I fell in love with music, I will always look like I’m 25 and I have a mild obsession with Sports.

If you’ve worked with me during basketball season, you know that I will be streaming the game on my computer in the production office or suggest going to a nearby bar to catch tip-off. If you’ve had the privilege of being a friend of mine during the Olympics, we will have never ending text message chains about the crazy triple toe-loop or how blurry Usain Bolt on television. If I’ve dated you during football season, you probably know that my very first poster that I put up in my room was of Troy Aikman. I was 5, barely understood English but I thought he was such a hearthrob.

I’m not very outspoken about my social, political and world views. My first presidential election was Obama and I didn’t quite understand the 2008 Recession until much later in life (I was 20 years old). Race was always an issue and I supported the occasional Tiger Mom articles on HuffPo, or essays about a HAPA and every once in awhile engaged in some Twitter conversations about “Yellow Fever” but it wasn’t until recently that there was truly a platform to be Chinese Born - American. That didn’t mean that I didn’t support racial justices in general, but it meant that I hid behind those big trendy topics. Of course, it wasn’t until we were in a disaster of a political situation where I even considered watching a Senate hearing nor cared about our local Congressmen / woman. With that in mind, these kind of public posts are far-in-between and very delicate for me. But after what I watched + experienced this weekend, I was compelled to share because it all coincided with Sports.

This past weekend I watched 20-year-old Naomi Osaka conquer and overtake tennis Queen Serena Williams, who I believed acted poorly against the (yes unfair) Umpire at the US Open Finals. I was severely disappointed in Serena, especially after learning so much about her journey to motherhood. I had a new found respect for Serena not only as a phenomenal athlete but also a Superwoman that overcame the most difficult time of her life. I sat there, jaws on the floor when Serena consistently bashed Carlos Ramos. I was disappointed, watching her take the argument even further with officials when all I wanted for her is to take that energy and refocus on the game. True athleticism is mental and sure, we cannot help the way we feel, ESPECIALLY when we are losing. But those athletes who can outplay and outlast, the “GOAT”s, the champions, should be able to take a few breaths and make a comeback.

I’m not saying that what Serena was fighting for wasn’t valid. YES, the umpire was probably intimidated that a strong black woman was yelling at him YES, he should have given her a warning and YES, I’m sure he’s been told many terrible things on the court without giving a penalty point but felt that he needed to keep his masculine power by ruling an unprecedented action. Even with all of that potential wrongsay, there’s a time and place to object to rules and there’s a time to suck-it-up and play the game.

I sat there and cried during the awards ceremony because Naomi Osaka apologized for winning. My tears were for her family who was so proud of her but knew there would be this heavy cloud of doubt over her for the years to come. I cried because I saw a part of my little sister in her, awkwardly holding the trophy and not sure if she was representing her country as well as she would have wanted. All I wanted is for her to feel joy, pride and strength. I cried even more when Serena told the crowd to stop booing because I knew that at that point, perhaps she felt that THIS was the repercussions of her actions. I love sports because I also love sportsmanship. Much like Serena thought that Carlos owed her an apology, I think Serena should apologize to Naomi for the bittersweet outcome of the tournament.

Naomi Osaka IS a champion. She played the best game of her life. She trained hard and she has that tunnel vision that transforms a player from great to the Best. I ask that you all take some time to learn more about Naomi Osaka. She’ll be on the tennis radar for years to come and I cannot wait to watch her play next.

This past weekend, I also witnessed the epic return of the greatest QB of all time. I claim this with extreme bias but am not alone in this statement, especially after his tremendous game on Sunday night. When Aaron Rodgers was carted off in the second quarter of the opening game vs. the (new and much improved) Chicago Bears, a little part of me died. I’ve been a Rodgers fan for years. He was the QB Hearthrob: insanely attractive, hilariously respectful and probably the best ice-cream eating companion. My adoration escalated when I started a diehard, bleeding-green Packers fan who claims he looks like a slightly petite version of Aaron. Last year’s collar-bone injury led to a sour fall season but made our relationship much stronger. There was a lot on the line this football season with Aaron’s return. When Aaron was lying on that field, grasping his left leg, it became deeply personal.

The Packers came back with a limping Aaron Rodgers and won the game 24-23. We yelled and screamed with joy. We drank tequila and celebrated. The cats (Starks and Jordy, named after former Packer players) were annoyed but we didn’t care. THIS was sports. THIS was athleticism at its best and even with the controversial hoopla of the NFL, THIS was football.

I understand why there was a boycott against the NFL. I know that Roger Goodell is a Trump supporter and I know that behind many of these massive teams are corporate millionaires who voted Red. The League made a decision this year that if players kneel during the national anthem that they would subject to fines which arguably means they are charging players fees against their freedom of speech. Yes, I do believe that this is a harsh rule, but I do believe it was a rule to take politics out of the game.

Last year was the only time I remembered watching the National Anthem in any regular season football game. It truly didn’t matter to me but it became such an issue that of course I “fell’ into the trap of curiosity. This year, I am not boycotting because I am watching football for the players. I am watching to see the unexpected comebacks, to see that crazy 75-yard run to the end zone, to see that near interception that nearly gave me a heart attack. I am watching not because I am supporting our idiot-president Trump, but because I respect the bellies of the defense linemen and the sprint of the wide receiver. I am watching because I believe in will power and strength of mind, which is how Aaron Rodgers came back ferociously, playing football with one good leg.

Remember when Kerri Strug won an Olympic Gold ‘96 even though she was severely injured? Did we protest the Olympics because there was probably some weird underage and illegal shit going on? Do we still support team USA even after the corporate probably knew the actions of their disgusting coach? The answer is YES, because we support the players. We support what they want to accomplish and what they’ve tried out their entire lives to accomplish. Yes they are millionaires and this is their “job” but I guarantee that if they had the choose between a massive paycut to play, most everyone would 100% choose the paycut. An athlete doesn’t just train their bodies 365 days a year for a big paycheck (that’s just the bonus) but talk to those former players who didn’t make the cut their third year, or the former player turned coaches of their local highschool - if they had a shot to play on the green, they would do it no question.

I will watch the NFL until the players decide not to play anymore. The game is changing and I’m happy to hear of new strict hit rules to the QB and new technology for player protection. I will yell and scream and jump in disappointed and joy and I will eventually earn that Rodgers jersey that I desperately want from my new Packer partner.

For those who actually read this post, thank you for time out of your busy day to do this. Why am I so passionate about Sports? “Ruth, you make movies! You sit in front of a computer all day long and you do budgets! And you write! Why do you care about sports?” I consider myself an athlete. I’ve been in competitive sports the majority of my life and I know what it feels like to lose. I used to rehearse 6-8 hours on weekends out in the hot sun, practically running close to 15-20 miles a day.

As a dancer, I trained like an athlete: slow push-ups, squats, abdominal conditioning, the whole damn thing. And in my now adult life, I go to challenging HIIT/ Boot Camp / Strength classes to make sure that I have the ability to survive a zombie apocalypse, or be fast enough to run to shelter during the Big One. I attribute my film career to my athletic training: play smart, play hard, follow the rules and always thank your teammates. These are skill sets that now engrained in me. So this is why I am passionate about sports: because its about survival, mind over matter and it’s about those you play the game with.