#i will never get sick of analyzing aziraphale

[theelastword]

i saw a very interesting post recently from @fellthemarvelous about how Aziraphale is often treated the way female love interests are— likely because his hobbies and emotions are more traditionally feminine whereas crowley’s style and anger are more traditionally masculine despite the fact that neither of them are gendered. the thesis of the post was essentially that because crowley is the one who fell, fans have decided that aziraphale only exists to comfort and protect and bring peace to crowley rather than be his own person with his own emotions and ambitions. i’d never been able to put this into words, but it’s like this person stole what i was feeling right from my brain and i am so thankful to their eloquence.

but it did get me thinking about the end of season 2— specifically how many fans, even people who defend aziraphale for what he did, believe that the “only” way for his choices in the finale to be valid are if he did them for crowley’s safety/well-being. i’ve seen so many arguments along the lines of “oh, he has to go back so he can fix Heaven for Crowley and make him heal from falling” or “oh, he has to go back to Heaven because if he doesn’t, Metatron could go after crowley and he needs to keep him safe”. and while both of these very popular aziraphale-defenses are valid (this is not an attack on anyone’s opinion!) and i wouldn’t be surprised if they played into his reasoning for leaving, i can’t help but think of that lovely person’s female-love-interest argument.

i don’t actually think aziraphale leaving for heaven needs to be related to crowley at all. it can, of course— and likely does— but aziraphale has gone through just as much Heaven-induced trauma as crowley has, something that many fans (and even the characters themselves, sometimes) like to forget. aziraphale knows first-hand how abusive Heaven is to young angels and humans who they deem unworthy of being saved. and so to me, it is just as valid if it turns out aziraphale going back to Heaven wasn’t “for” crowley at all, but rather a way to protect these other generations from the abuse of Heaven that aziraphale has witnessed and been victim to. is it so hard or unacceptable to think that aziraphale could make a choice that doesn’t have to do with his love life? he is not obligated—nor is crowley!— to live entirely as though he’s making something up/repaying/protecting his love interest. that kind codependency is not something to idolize. i guess what i’m trying to say here is that there are other reasons to go back to Heaven having nothing to do with keeping crowley safe, and while that is a perfectly valid interpretation, i’m not personally a fan of the widespread belief that it’s the only interpretation that makes what aziraphale did “forgivable”.

EDIT/ADDITION: i ALSO think that this is why i’m so bothered by the argument that while Crowley being “selfish” and choosing his own path at the end of s2 is perfectly valid, aziraphale doing the exact same thing is not. i do not blame either one of them for making a different choice, but in my opinion far too many people believe that crowley had a right to his own autonomy and do what he thought was best for himself, whereas somehow it was Aziraphale’s job to choose the same thing in accordance to what was most healthy for CROWLEY and not for himself/his own ambitions as regards to Heaven. people think that crowley has an obligation to do what is best for crowley, but that aziraphale’s subsequent obligation is to also do what’s best for crowley. no one seems to particularly care what may be best for aziraphale. at the end of the day, if one of them can make a self-prioritizing choice, the other can, too. aziraphale is his own person, not a love interest!!!!

[aethelflaedladyofmercia]

Alright, I’ve been saying I’m going to do some Masterposts for my 25 AO3 fics, so here we go...

For those who don’t know me, I write Acespec Ineffable Husbands, and my specialities are historical adventures, character studies, and gut-punching angst. My main series, Sawdust of Words (SoW) contains all of these in spades! Check the TW on anything rated T, as that usually indicates non-graphic violence, threats of violence and physical/emotional abuse.

Please select desired angst level:

I just want something warm and fluffy!

Finding the Words: G, 4509. Aziraphale has something he rather desperately wants to tell Crowley. Immediately after the Ritz. (SoW)

Blizzard! Broken Thermostat! Only One Bed!: G, 1438. It’s snowing — I mean BLIZZARDING — and Crowley has no choice but to pull over at a conveniently located luxury hotel. No choice! Will his cunning plan succeed?

Perception: G, 715. Crowley puzzles over one of the great mysteries of the universe: why isn’t EVERYONE in love with Aziraphale?

Reflections: G, 1229. Aziraphale’s simple question, Do you think I should change, hides a world of doubt. Fortunately, Crowley knows just what to say.

Quarantine: G, 554. Aziraphale and Crowley are quarantined in the bookshop! Wait...why? Half PSA, half clueless flirting!

I want some feels and a happy ending.

Early Days: G, 19,459. In the Beginning, an Angel and Demon met on the Wall of Eden. The next day they really started getting on each other’s nerves. See the very beginning of this relationship for the ages! (SoW)

Careful: G, 1664. For nearly 6,000 years, Aziraphale has been careful to control his actions, his feelings and his thoughts. Until Crowley makes a request that could destroy them both. Divergent AU starting with the fight at St James’s Park.

The Dark of Eden: G, 2980. On their last night in Eden, Aziraphale and Crowley walk together trough the Garden, each reflecting on what he’s lost. But perhaps there is something they have gained. Intended to be fluff, came out sort of melancholy. Direct follow-up to Early Days (SoW)

Sealed: G, 5835. London, Three weeks after the Apocalypse: Crowley finds a certain document tucked away in a forgotten book. / Mercia, 1020 CE: An angel and a demon meet to finalize an Arrangement... (SoW)

Reckless: G, 6303. After Aziraphale's reckless confession, he and Crowley must make plans to keep themselves safe. But the worst happens when certain uninvited guests arrive at the bookshop... Sequel to Careful, one more part expected.

Mystery Science Theater 6000: The 1992 Screenplay: G, 8528. An angel and a demon sit down to watch (and mock, and analyze) a movie that probably shouldn’t exist. A little heavier on the feels than originally anticipated. (Only covers the first 30 pages of the Screenplay, so there may be another chapter or 3 in order.)

Of Poetry and Valentines: G, 3435. Crowley can’t stand what Valentine’s Day has become. If he has to look at one more heart-shaped cake, he’s going to be sick. But it wasn’t always that way. Guess which holiday this was written for!

Our Side: G, 1172. After the end, on the bus ride home, Aziraphale despairs. But Crowley shares a new dream... A ButterOmens fic started by @sani-86!

Anniversaries: G, 2422. Just over a year after the apocalypse didn’t happen, Aziraphale and Crowley’s picnic is interrupted by an old enemy. A ButterOmens fic started by @n0nb1narydemon!

A Cunning Plan: G, 11,275. Two angels and two demons decide to get their revenge on the traitors. But holding Aziraphale captive turns out to be harder than expected. Can they break through his defenses before Crowley mounts a successful rescue? ButterOmens fic begun by @kaz3313!

I want LOTS of angsty feels! (Note: endings range from happy to hopeful)

Give Them Hell: G, 1179 words. After the Apocalypse, Aziraphale and Crowley discuss plans for their upcoming trials... (SoW)

Someplace You Belong: G, 5326. London, 1800, Aziraphale finds he must come to terms with the unexpected emotions of his near-promotion. With gentle prodding from Crowley, he reveals a secret. Something of a follow-up to Obedience, but you will likely still feel sad! (SoW)

In Love with My Car: G, 3287. London, 1933, After 70 years of naps, Crowley meets someone who just might change his life. It’s the Bentley! (SoW) Also has a podfic by @exmarks

What it Means to Be A Demon: T, 32,284. Mesopotamia, c. 2400 BC. After an especially harrowing trip to Hell, Crawley arrives in a tiny Mesopotamian village, where he encounters a familiar face. But Aziraphale soon realizes Crawley isn't acting like his old self. Between his foul mood, his mysterious injuries, and his refusal to talk, the demon is certainly hiding something. What has brought Crawley to Gu'Edena? And is there anything Aziraphale can do? So many TWs — please tread carefully! (SoW)

Boundless Love: G, 54,200 (some chapters approach a T rating). 17 stories of Aziraphale and Crowley, 17 chances to fall in love. Written for @drawlight’s Advent Challenge. (Note: these stories are thematically connected, but they are separate stories, not a single plot.)

Aziraphale’s Path: G, 524. Many years later, Heaven and Hell come for them. Aziraphale returns home too late. Is Crowley gone forever? Part of a ButterOmens chain started by @holycatsandrabbits — links are in the fic!

Never Alone Again: G, 9577. They're on their own side now. But they aren't free yet. After the Apocalypse, Aziraphale and Crowley risk everything in one final, desperate gamble to break free of their old sides and truly start their life together. Bus Ride, Body Swap and Trials, overlaps Give Them Hell and ends just before Finding the Words. (SoW)

Kindly rip out my still-beating heart.

Obedience: T, 1797. Before Eden, before the Fall, there was a War in Heaven. Somewhere amongst the eternal fighting on the endless battlefield, one angel learns the consequences of disobeying an order. This one is an absolute gut punch you have been warned. (SoW)

Three Little Words: G, 3361. London, 1849, Crowley has something he rather desperately wants to tell Aziraphale. But there are some things a demon can never say. Sad ending! But only because this is part of a larger series! It’s going to be ok! (SoW)

Claimed: T, 4182. A dinner of crepes. An angel who's ready to talk. But Crowley's evening is interrupted by the arrival of two demons. And they're not here to deliver a rude note. Made for @whiteleyfoster’s contest. Downer ending, though this one may get another chapter or two in the future to mitigate that.

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