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Highway of Regret

Song: Make You Feel My Love, Bob Dylan

Chapter 1: Dean Was 4 Chapter 2: Dean Was 10 Chapter 3: Dean Was 12 Chapter 4: Dean Was 16 Chapter 5: Dean Was 18 Chapter 6: Dean Was 22 Chapter 7: Dean Was 26 Chapter 8: Heaven and Hell Chapter 9: Baby Chapter 10: Dean Was 40 Chapter 11: Dean Was 41 Words: 650 A/N: This is the last chapter to this little series. Thanks for coming along for the ride!

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Dean was 41.

Not that it mattered. Age, years, what was that?

After all this time, he found himself in a diner again, digging into his pockets for change. He scraped together enough to buy a slice of pie, two forks. He loved pie more than almost anything. But he would take one bite and then push the plate across the table to Sam.

He knew that before he ever tasted the pie. It was a habit that was ingrained in his blood. Take care of Sammy. Look after your brother. Make sure Sam gets enough to eat.

Hunger, going without. Dean had spent years living that way. He always ate when he had the chance because he never knew how long it would be until he could eat again.

He hated it, and he hated that he had failed his brother once again.

Food was never just about eating, not for Dean. Food was about comfort, about security, about taking care of Sam.

One of the few great pleasures of Dean’s life was the fact that the bunker had a kitchen, and when they were home, he could finally make all the meals he had always dreamed of eating. He wasn’t a fancy cook, by any means, but he made a killer burger. He teased Sam about eating rabbit food but took secret pride in making the healthy things his brother loved to eat.

He even started baking. There were entire magazines just about making pie. Dean didn’t care if Sam poked fun at him. He was feeding his brother, taking care of his family. That, more than hunting, more than fighting, more than anything else, was what he cared about.

To find himself after all this time in a diner, unable to even buy a meal, was crushing. To him it felt like one more failure, one more time he hadn’t taken care of Sammy.

When the boys were back in the car, on the road again, Dean finally said, “I'm sorry, Sam.”

Sam turned to him with a quizzical look on his face. “You’re sorry, Dean? For what, the one bite of pie that you took?” Sam shook his head.

“I’m sorry that after all this time I can’t even buy you a decent meal.” Dean’s voice was rough, the words an apology for more than today.

“Dean, this is one meal, one time. You’ve been feeding me, taking care of me, our entire lives.”

“And I always could’ve done better. Damnit, Sammy!” Dean slammed his hands on the Impala’s steering wheel. “How many times have I let you down, failed to protect you, disappointed and hurt you? Our whole lives, ever since I was 4 years old and you were a baby, it’s been my job to take care of you. And I’ve never been good enough. I always could’ve done more.”

Dean’s voice cracked, and he blinked hard, trying to hold back tears.

Sam reached out and laid a hand on his brother’s shoulder, not minding the tears streaking down his cheeks.

“Dean, you’ve been the one who raised me. You’ve taught me everything I know. You’ve always taken care of me, even when you were just a kid yourself, even when you shouldn’t have had to.”

Dean drew a hard breath. “Yeah but Sam-”

“No buts, Dean. No exceptions, no regrets. You’ve done more for me than our parents ever did, you raised both yourself and me. And I think we turned out okay.”

“I’d do anything for you, know that?” The beginning of a smile curled Dean’s lips as he looked at Sam’s earnest face. His brother, his most trusted partner and closest friend.

Sam leaned in, wrapping his arm around Dean’s shoulder. “And you always have. I love you, jerk.”

Dean actually laughed out loud and reached up to tousle Sam’s hair, pulling him closer.

“I love you too, bitch.”

*************

Episode reference: 14x09 and 15x11

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