#i will legit kick the shit out of her though

[cuntwrap--supreme]

I came home early from my silly little mountain trip because my mom decided to tag along with my sister to LA and the kids were left here alone. Now, they're 15 and 16, so probably ok on their own. I just know they're.... not the brightest when it comes to things like not setting the house on fire (I came home to no one in the house but 5 candles lit, and there are 3 cats in the house who love to knock things onto the floor) or locking doors (front door was unlocked) or saving energy (AC was set at 62 and every single light - inside and out - was on).

My brother and sister come home from whatever teenagers do these days and my brother instantly goes, "Did you hear what happened when you were gone?" And I start freaking out because oh my god what did they do? But it turns out it's just shit with my mom again. Of course. She goes to this festival in LA promising to be on her best behavior and then starts throwing herself in front of moving vehicles, begging people to hit her and kill her, all because my sister told her she was being dramatic about some event that got lost in the rendition I was told. So she called a 5150 on my mom and had her put in a psych ward for the past two days. Allegedly she's checked herself out now and was last heard from walking from this hospital to the airport, which I was told was something like 15 miles apart. I told my sister it wasn't her fault, whatever it is that happened, and that I hope she knows everything our mom does is for attention and to gain control of a situation, which is true. She only threatens to kill herself if she feels she doesn't have control over one of us. I told her that, next time, she should just let her do whatever histrionic bullshit she's pulling and move along like it's not happening. The only way I've ever found to combat my mom's "you're not doing what I want you to so I'll go hang myself in a tree!" behavior is to say, "Ok. Bet." and ignore her from there. Is that callous? I wish I had the capacity to care about that any more.

So this psycho ass bitch decides on a whim to leave her teenage kids alone without telling them, goes to the opposite side of the country, ruins my little mini vacation because I have more of a sense of responsibility than she does and don't want two inexperienced young people left alone for several days, ruins my other sister's vacation by being a crazy ass and leaving her with no ride home when she gets back into town (and an Uber from the airport to her house is like $70, so I'll end up having to get her), and now that I'm home I'll have to deal with her whenever she finds her way back out east.

This is the second or third time she's ended up in a mental hospital in the past two years, and for some reason no one in these places cares enough to do shit. They just let her go, every time. I cannot stand her. The sister she went to LA with is the world's biggest ass kisser, so I'm surprised she drew the line somewhere; usually she just tells my mom she's the best mom ever and buys her shit and things get dropped, though it only serves to fuel my mom's delusions that I'm a total sack of shit for not caring when she's throwing a tantrum. My youngest sister only wants a relationship with our mom because that's her last living parent and she regrets not being able to know her dad as well as she'd like to have, even though she admits regularly that she doesn't like talking to our mom because she's always mean to her. And my brother wants nothing to do with her because she's always telling him he's a failure and a piece of shit and he should just drop out of school and kill himself because he'll never be anything. But we've also all given up calling DCS long ago because they don't give a single fuck either. I'm 27 and my other sister is 25. Either of us could easily take our teen siblings - anyone who knows us knows we've done more to raise them than our own mother. But nope. No one cares. So she's just allowed custody of kids she clearly doesn't want because reasons.

I'm so sick of the shit. I can't even have a fucking break because of her, and I'm at a point (again, because of her) where I feel my only way out is death. She's hands down the worst person I've met in my entire life, and I've never been a person who holds any value to others unless it's as a sexual object or for exploitative reasons such as "I am a hard worker and will do anything I'm asked." Just so fucking tired, but I can't escape. I swear to god, though, if she comes home and wants to throw hands, I can bench more than she weighs and can squat almost double her weight, and I have been waiting for a bitch to try some shit with me for a very long time.

[lemongogo]

me admitting that i dont hate ast*rion after all .

[bugieeeee]

Can't believe they named the character with the most daddy issues Issac, like the boy who just wanted to be helpful and was let down or abandoned by literally everyone down to his disappearance from the show being left alone in France with nothing paralelled with the biblical story of an obedient son being brought up to the mountains to be slaughtered amongst the rest of the sheep without a second thought from his father

[starlitvick]

Zeus’ favorite past-time: screwing over his kids

Athena's backstory mate

Fucking eaten pre-birth by her own father. Then travels to his brain (plenty of space in that head but well) to knock at his skull with a spear the mother she will never see again made her until someone finally opened up the guy's head (imagine Prometheus being like wtf with an unhinged grin)

Fully grown and yet still a child in many ways, only to meet the guy who ate her and his new wife who is not amused to say the least.

Exiled to live with Triton but it could be worse, at least there is some semblance of family there, and there is Pallas, ofc.

And then the guy who literally ate her pulls a soccer mom and kills her best friend and foster sister over a goddamned playfight bc I ain't gonna raise the kid but gods forbid anyone beats her in a fight.

And there she is, on Olympus, torn from everything she knew and loved, but hey, here's a bunch of domains and a dysfunctional family.

[hitomisuzuya]

Secret admirer+neighbour reader that allows Scara to stay over in her room whenever shit gets rowdy at his home for whatever reason. She leaves letters of encouragement in his locker and snacks and stuff. He found it stupid at first but gave up 'reluctantly'.

But like, pls, he knows it's her. The way she looks at him, hopefully, every time he scowls a certain way, he gets a more expensive snack (within the budget of a little middle-class lady, of course), and he starts liking her a bit too...

And anyway, they get into a cute little confrontation when she cares about him a little too much, with a bit too much honesty with the cutest outfit and he's turned on and- you get the idea.

Please, praise kink. Praise my hubby🥺🥺 maybe a bit of degrading from him.

scaramouche x fem!reader. smut. porn with some plot. fluff. degradation. praise for scara. cunnilingus. for narrative purposes, college has lockers for people who live off campus.

i grinned when i read this ask. legit scaramouche would fall in love kicking and screaming reluctantly about it the whole time🤣 this is a little long.

if scaramouche had it his way, he would've chosen to live on campus at the dorms. but no, being so close to the college made his bitch mother suggest he might be more comfortable just living at home. incidentally, it was over just that issue that you meant scaramouche officially for the first time.

you swore he slammed the door loud enough to rattle to every window of his house. and yours. naturally, it startled you, being out on the porch looking at the orange and purple painted clouds of the sunset. you'd seen him around campus before, but social anxiety often came into play. and he sort of treated you like a nuisance when you tried to talk to him.

"you okay?" you asked, giving him a soft look of concern.

"huh? do you need something?" scaramouche snapped, glaring at you in a way that would've made anyone instantly fuck off.

anyone wasn't you, though. "no, it just sounds like you were fighting with someone," you replied, his glare making your cheeks flush.

"yeah, bitch mother," it was like he didn't want to dedicate the extra few seconds of time to string together a longer sentence to mention her in.

"you can come hang out with me in my room for awhile until things cool down. no one is home right now but me," you said shyly, playing with your hair in an annoying way he absolutely couldn't miss.

"uh, sure. yeah whatever, gimme a few minutes," scaramouche grumbled, turning to go back inside the house. back inside to tell his mother to fuck off one more time. he was automatically suspicious. why were you offering? what did you stand to gain from it?

he thought about these questions while he unplugged (ripped the cords out of the outlet) his xbox, and slammed the door again. threw the door to your house open, and sort of stomped up the stairs. he promptly hooked his xbox up to your tv like he was automatically entitled to it.

but you didn't mind. scaramouche always made you feel weak in the knees. you even got him to tell you what he wanted for dinner so you could make it for him.

this became almost something of a daily occurrence. an occurrence that scaramouche was startled to find how comfortable he was becoming with.

you sure are a strange one. you even sat and watched him play video games late into the night, monopolizing your tv and not really giving a shit if there was something you wanted to watch. you never said a thing if there was. dvrs exist, after all. you would cheer him on and praise him when he was playing good. you looked stuff up on your phone to help him if he got stuck on a part somewhere.

you would remind him about tests tomorrow. he told you whatever and ended up not studying. he didn't really need to honestly. thing is, though, you started leaving notes of encouragement tucked into his folders or notebooks. or left them in his locker with some sort of disgusting sweet treat. "for you to enjoy now or later. it's up to you. good luck today."

he thought it was incredibly stupid. what could you possibly gain from this nonsense? "i don't like sweets," he said, tossing a baggie of oreos on your desk. "disgusting. absolutely no thanks."

your posture stiffened a little, like you'd just been caught red handed doing something secretive. in a way, you had been. "wh-what are you talking about?" you stammered shyly, "who left you those?" you paused for a moment, twisting lock of hair around your index finger. "incidentally, what would you want for something like that?"

scaramouche almost snorted. god, you are so transparent. he knew it was you, but you are still trying to play it off like it wasn't, fidgeting nervously with your fingers. it was disgustingly adorable so he let you carry on with it in his own way. stop it.

"salted rice balls with sea weed in the middle. i like those, not the toxic waste that is chocolate. or rather horse shit," he replied, rolling his eyes.

sure enough, a few days later, salted white rice balls with seaweed in the middle appeared in his locker the next morning. "please, eat these. sorry about before. you try so hard and deserve a good treat."

fuck, fuck, fuck!

he was starting to tuck your notes into his pockets to keep with him throughout the day. some of the snacks you make him looked expensive. and you were the type to buy the ingredients and hand make them yourself. you had to have been getting up super early in the morning to make them or staying up late the night before.

and every time he called you out on it, you shyly played it off. even joking with him about him having a secret admirer, though he swore you looked a little sad at the thought of someone else liking him like you weren't talking about yourself.

even worse, scaramouche started looking at you and thinking; shit, she looks really cute today. those are thigh highs she's wearing cup her thighs perfectly. it makes me wanna..

he'd had enough when he started jacking himself off after he left your house for the night. thinking of you, the innocent girl next door who doted on him and gave him attention. who is way too sweet for her own good. with this stupid crush on him that you refused to say anything about.

how dare you make him fall in love.

you started wearing thigh highs when he mentioned casually he likes them, tempting him with a garter belt. a garter that his eyes strained to casually get a peek at if the pleats of your skirt bounced in just the right way.

he caught you on your way out the door to go the convenience/grocery store that stayed open all night, a list of ingredients and a recipe in your hand to read on the way.

"why do you do this nonsense?" scaramouche asked, snatching the slip of paper out of your hand. he couldn't help but smirk. just like he thought, there was a recipe for rice balls with eel in them and miso soup. you were even going to stop by the coffee shop and get his favorite coffee.

...

fucking hell, you are way too sweet for your own good but damn it, he enjoyed soaking up every bit of your attention now. his bitch mother even "accused" him of dating someone a few days ago. the nerve!

"i..i." you stammered shyly in a way that made him want to kiss you. really really badly. you knew you were caught. "was i that obvious?"

scaramouche snorted. "you are so obvious that you could've landed plane without waving your arms. it was actually a little pathetic," he sighed seeing your reaction. why did you do that? why did your cheeks flush when he flat out insulted you?

and that was how you ended up on your back on his bed, your legs spread and stripped almost entirely of your clothes as he crawled between your legs. "these stay on," he insisted, hooking his finger under the top of your thigh high, letting it snap back on your thigh. he'd angrily kissed you all the way up to his room, pawing at your clothes and swallowing your moans into his mouth.

you always took care of him in your room. and now he was taking care of you properly in his room. it was a chore to fight his pride, anyways. and he didn't want to fight it anymore.

having his hands holding your thighs apart while he licked slow, hungry stripes up and down your pussy was much more preferable. "desperation is good color on you, slut," he groaned, teasingly kitten licking your clit before sweeping it down to swirl around your hole. youclenched on the tip of his tongue like he imagined that you would.

"i..i can't help it," you moan shakily, squirming as you grind on his mouth, "i'm sorry. i'm so in love you with it hurts. i just..just," you are cut off when scaramouche latched his lips around your clit, letting out a gasp of pleasure. your clit tingled and throbbed as he sucked, prodding and swirling his tongue in a way that made a dizzying warmth spread through your core. "i wanted your attention."

you sound so fucking cute it made his cock ache almost painfully. did you have any idea how unbearable you made it all the fucking time? "i saw right through your pathetic attempts to woe me. praise me more, slut. it's making me hard," he groaned, drunk on the taste on your pussy soaking his tongue.

he held your pussy against his mouth as you grinded on his tongue, your fingers finding his hair and pushing his mouth down. "you are perfect, scara!" you cry out, your clit throbbing twice as hard underneath his tongue. "your tongue feels so good! you are all i ever think about!"

he could edge himself on your words praise, soaking up every word. "go on. keep going while i tongue fuck you," he moaned, focusing his tongue on your clit again.

his tongue working your pussy over like a starved animal was making you start to babble nonsense. "your so smart, and handsome and strong. your fingers are beautiful, so beautiful i want to suck on them. don't stop, please. please," you have the cutest sounding whimpers when the jolts of pleasure rocketing through you were too much for you to process.

your precious babbling spurred scaramouche's tongue on, one hand reluctantly leaving your thigh to palm and rub his cock outside his jeans. you deserve to cum hard on his tongue for sounding so sweet.

you twitch and spasm in bliss, tugging urgently on his hair. your hips bucked up to rub and grind on his mouth. you writhed on the bed, relaxing into his possessive squeeze on your thighs. it wasn't long before you couldn't keep it together anymore. or at least as together as you thought you had it. you'd broken on his tongue a long time ago.

you whimper weakly behind your shameless moans, your thighs shaking as your orgasm washed over you. it was so strong it nearly even made your fingers fall limp in his hair. his tongue lovingly fucked you through your orgasm until you were panting and shaking on the cusps of overstimulation. he lapped at your release.

"i think i found the only sweet i will enjoy," satisfied, he sat up and wiped his mouth. you are practically passed out on his bed, exhausted and overloaded. neither of you were making it to your evening classes. he planned to spend that time further devouring you once he let you sleep a little.

[2knightt]

Hiiii! Can you do the outsiders gang with an s/o who models I feel like that would be interesting :)

↳but i’m into it, i’m into it.₊˚✧

➬ the gang x model!fem!reader

a/n;i love famous reader so much omfg. also, i love using chase atlantic lyrics for my titles. dont chase men, chase atlantic everyone.

Johnny Cade ;

believes that you are the most BEAUTIFUL person to walk the planet.

STRONGLY BELIEVES THAT.

probably thinks you’re too good for him.

PLEASE TELL HIM HE’S ENOUGH FOR YOU.

take him too your shoots and he will be blushing the whole time.

if you wear something that’s flattering to your body shape, he will explode right then and there.

“how do i look? should i fix my hair?”

“you look perfect.”

“you think?”

“…mhm.”

the gang seen you on a magazine cover and started freaking the fuck out.

“HOLY SHIT JOHNNY ISN’T THAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND?”

“WOAHHH!”

“jesus…does she have a sister?”

“guys please stop.”

cuts out your magazine covers/photo shoot pictures and keeps them in his jean jacket pocket.

not in a weird way, just in a way that when he’s sad and you aren’t around he can remind himself on how lucky he can really be.

Dallas Winston ;

oh my god he never shuts up about how he got the hottest model ever.

“yeah she’s pretty n all but, my girlfriends a model so.”

“that’s so cool that your chick is…like that! but mines a model, so, she’s just better.”

buys steals all your magazines/any photo shoot you do.

any guy thats talks about you in way dallas doesn’t like, gets knocked out.

“i’d hit that.”

“yeah?”

“yea—”

dead./j

no but he would pull all his strength in that punch.

the gang thought he kidnapped you because no way in hell a pretty girl like you would go after dallas winston.

“y/n, blink twice if you’re kidnapped.”

“raise your hand if you need help, dude.”

“guys, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

you’re legit, all he thinks about.

he’s so whipped for a model girlfriend, if you asked him to jump he’d ask how high.

genuinely believes you’re an angel, will NOT tell you that to your face though.

Ponyboy Curtis ;

he gets so nervous around you omfg.

his palms be sweating n shit, stuttering and everything.

“he-hey y/n.”

“oh, hey pony!”

uses his favourite photo shoot of yours as a book mark. i can feel it in me bones.

he giggles and kicks his feet when he looks at that bookmark btw

draws you?? i feel like that’s his favourite pass time.

IF HE HAS TO DESCRIBE A STORY IN ENGLISH HE WRITES ABOUT HOW HE MET YOU OMFG AND THE WAY HE’D DESCRIBE YOU IN THE ESSAY??/?!:;&

he’d be so sweet with his words when he talks about you. i cant i love him so much

the gang is lowkey jealous that the youngest one out of all of them pulled a model.

“hey, don’t you model?”

“yeah!”

“what.”

“how did ponyboy get a date with you?”

“…are you guys serious? am i that ugly to you guys?”

Sodapop Curtis ;

POWER COUPLE OH MY GOD I CAN’T.

you guys walking in the street together probably makes people pass out.

literally nobody was shocked that you guys started dating.

the prettiest girl for the prettiest boy, it was bound to happen, c’mon.

he probably got into modeling because of you.

OH MY GOD IMAGINE DOING A PHOTO SHOOT WITH HIM???

he asks for his favourite picture of you two from that shoot to be printed out larger for him so he can hang it in his room.

like dallas, he will punch a guy for you.

“she’s hot.”

“she has a boyfriend.”

“so?”

call 911 cause that guys gonna need it in a minute!

showed steve a picture of you before he introduced you to the gang.

“oh my god soda. why are you dating a literal model?”

“why not?”

“but what else did i expect, you get girls daily.”

Darry Curtis ;

honestly, he couldn’t care less about what you do for work.

if it brings in money, it brings in money.

but the gang sure as hell does!

“YO ISN’T THAT Y/N L/N?!”

“THE MODEL?”

“yeah? how do you guys know her?”

“HOW DO YOU KNOW HER?”

“she’s my girlfriend, soda. that’s why i brought her here.”

“WHAT??”

i’d be lying if i said darry didn’t carry around a head shot of you in his wallet.

he doesn’t brag, but when the chance to talk about you comes, he takes the chance.

“good for her. huh? oh—my girlfriend models. pretty popular.”

when he sees a magazine with you in it for sale, darry snatches it so fast.

compliments you after he seen it.

“i like your most recent shoot, the makeup suits you.”

“you think, darry?”

Steve Randle ;

rocked the whole world when you guys started dating.

DOESN’T SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT YOU.

���that’s so tuff soda, but y/n actually said—”

“nobody cares steve.”

“shut up and let me tell you what MY GIRLFRIEND said.”

STEVE HAS A PICTURE OF YOU TAPPED ON THE INSIDE OF THE TOP OF HIS TOOL BOX.

takes you on dates 24/7 just to show you off.

sometimes he lets go of your hand to see if anyone would flirt with you so he can punch them.

gang thought he held you hostage when you started dating ngl.

“you can do so much better, y/n.”

“dallas, shut the fuck up.”

“i’m just sayin’.”

“i will knock you out.”

Two-bit Matthews ;

HE’S SO WHIPPED FOR YOU IT’S DISGUSTING.

you have him giggling n shit.

his room is filled to the brim with photos of you.

not in a weird way, he just thinks you’re drop dead gorgeous.

tells you cheesy pickup lines, all the time.

“are you from Tennessee? cause you’re the only TEN I SEE! get it?”

would start a fan club for you if you asked nice enough.

introducing you to the gang was earth shattering for them.

“how??”

“what do you mean, ‘how?’”

“how did you pull her?”

“I PULLED HER WITH MY GOOD LOOKS AND CHARM, STEVE.”

“you’re so funny, two-bit.”

“like you falling flat on your fucking face yesterday?”

“YOU SAID YOU WOULDN’T TALK ABOUT THAT.”

may 24th, 2023. 11:30PM.

tag-list ;

@diorgirl444, @typereader 🧍‍♂️

[deadghosy]

MORE OF TRAILBLAZER!READER PLS PLS PLS PLS PLSSS, WHAT DOES THE ANGELS THINK OF TRAILBLAZER!READER???

HAZBIN HOTEL ANGELS X TRAILBLAZER! READER

prompt: how they viewed you in heaven was something no one excepted an angel like you to act.

I just gotta say. You are a fucking menace.

When you first appeared in heaven as the most beautiful thing with your golden eyes and two pair of wings….you weren’t the most nicest as you were too blunt.

“Is this a flash bang? Why the hell is it so bright here.”

everyone gasped at the H word as if this was kindergarten all over again

*cue you need to leave sound*

Sera had to put a few rules in your face. Literally a whole ass rule book as you sat there with a blank face saying. “Are you effing Fr?” Sera nodded and left leaving you with this HUMONGOUS ASS BOOK THAT REMINDED YOU OF FAIRLY ODD PARENTS

Sera founded you as a troubled youth that needs to see the rules all over again to see the true potential for you to stay in heaven.

Emily didn’t think of you being a troublemaker, she found you quite cool as you explored around heaven having the bravery to speak your mind and not let anything bring you down.

Emily and you got along great and fine as she calls you her little collector as you call her…just Em.

It was a late heavenly night as you stood up from your bed as you did a barrel roll for your balcony as you were starving for some digging. You rummage through the dumpster to find a nice old pearly necklace and a bracelet. “Emily would love this…” you said as you smiled not noticing a blonde haired lady watching you with an asumed smile.

The blonde haired lady from afar found you mysteriously cute and attractive as you roam the streets of heaven. 

ADAM HATES YOUR FUCKING GUTS😭😭

It all started when you was digging in trash. It was basically flirting for you to dig through it. *cue fuck boy face* AND THEN ADAM HAD SNUCK BEHIND YOU READY TO INSULT YOU-

But you kicked him straight in his fucking chin-

That horse ass kick gave him a bruise on his chin for legit 2 weeks

You once blasted music in your apartment…I mean shit it was good music you got from the human world you use to live in. You got so much noise complaints but thanks to Emily, she made it seem like you weren’t causing issues.

Lute has no opinions on you, she just doesn’t have time to even look at you. Even though you sometimes break in her place to eat all her food like the raccoon you are.

One day you actually caused trouble in heaven just because you decided to dig in a lady’s trash bin from outside.

“HEY GET OUT OF MY DARN TRASH BIN YOU RACCOON!” An angel yelled from her window throwing her boom at you as you swung your metal bat at her that you totally didn’t find in the trash nights ago…..

The lady screamed ducking as the bat went back into your grasp like a boomerang. “THATS IT! IM CALLING THE GUARDS!”

And so that was your cue to run as if your life depended on it as you thrown a rotten banana peel you found in your pocket. You still had one in your mouth.

And that’s how your 1 month trial ended because you fought bitches for your trash.

[vikingnerd793]

I agree with the reblog completely. I think self-preservation, especially as a slave, can't be inherently seen as selfish or gray. 99.999% of humans have an instinct toward self-preservation. Instinct to survive. So I am not taking something from her character over it.

That does not make her anything less than good.

And, burying negative emotions and trauma? Why wouldn't she when she has no choice ? They're on borrowed time against a very, very dangerous evil that could end everything and everyone. She could die at any moment. Hard to process that trauma and anger and pain when you only have so much time and energy and you're scared you'll lose focus when so much depends on you. Again, not selfish. Self-preservation. She doesn't owe us the bearing of her soul, just because we personally want to see her do that. It comes out at the time she feels like she has a second to process and breathe, and...rightfully so... none of her companions blame her for the wave of emotions in that moment.

She is chaotic good. She is not perfect ....I don't think anyone makes that claim, given how much she loves violence...but she also is not, and I say this with emphasis, anywhere near evil.

Also, The cinnamon roll thing someone mocked fans for in the reblogs? That is literally how she behaves toward those she cares about. And that's OK for people to appreciate that.

Karlach isn't a good girl

Listen, LISTEN. I love her, okay? Now that's out of the way. I see many people reducing her personality to the "big friendly labrador dog" thing. And while it's cute and all that, I disagree. Let me get into why I think Karlach isn't the goodie nice girl she puts a lot of effort to be. She has just returned to Faerun when we meet her in game, and she IS trying her bestest to start anew, to be the best version of herself now that she is free. But it doesn't mean she was always like that, or that her past has not changed her. I think it did - quite a lot, in fact.

Let's start with Gortash. She worked for this fucker. Granted, she might not have known he was such an evil bastard at the time, but she was his bodyguard. And by bodyguard, it is implied that she was his bully, his enforcer and debt collector - you know, the kind that breaks knees and kills people. When she meets an old friend in the city, that friend asks her if she is still in "the business of intimidation", and offers her to come see weapons. Even though Karlach, in her mind, might have been convincing herself that doing such a job was to help someone she respected, she still did it. And that is FINE. She was a young orphan, a tiefling in a place where tieflings are discriminated against harshly, poor and without much perspective. Of course a guy coming over offering her a well paid job that she excelled in would seem like winning a lottery. Still, she was a pretty shady violent person doing it. Now, the Hells. Avernus. She was sold to Zariel quite young still, and went through all sorts of torture and other perks enslavement gets you. For 10 years. She was scared shitless while there, especially in the beginning - she says so herself (to Halsin). All the carnage she inflicted was not (very) voluntary. She HAD to, or she would be the one getting killed. But she enjoyed it - or grew to. She likes violence, the adrenaline of it, the rush of excitement. The thrill of it, she says, is second only to sex.

Continuing on. Avernus, as well as the other layers of the Nine Hells, is not like the Material Plane. The place itself influences you. It means that being in Avernus for any time changes/corrupts/influences who you are. The longer you stay there, the deeper it gets. It did so to Zariel who was a literal angel. Avernus (and it's Archdevil's personality) insidiously get in your body and heart. It is just the way it goes, lore-wise, in DnD. If a fucking SOLAR wasn't immune to it, Karlach - young and lost - certainly wouldn't be either. Even more so because she was near Zariel all the time. I strongly believe Karlach was getting more and more exactly like Zariel - who herself is a fierce berserker warrior who charges head first into battle. Zariel is KNOWN to be this crazy strong, insane, fearless and (in her mind) righteous demon-smiting war machine. Sounds similar to a nice red tiefling we know, doesn't it? Now, did Zariel chose Karlach beause she was already like this, or did Karlach took after Zariel while she fought with her? Hard to tell. In any case, Karlach's 10 years in the Hells did change her. Needless to say, Avernus doesn't change you for the better. It doesn't mean that Karlach became "evil" - she is obviously far from it. But she is chaotic, violent and bloodthirsty. She is also selfish. There are several situations where this personality trait of her comes up.

It may sound kinda wild considering how she offers to help everyone and even sacrifice herself (since she's already dying anyway) - when we meet her. But that's the thing: she is being as selfless as she can now because she has been very selfish for a very long time (proof she has a conscience). Perhaps, she is terrified of what she was becoming and is trying to make amends, to revert whatever evil was growing in her.

She mentions herself that she did not help the tieflings of Elturel when their city was pulled down into Avernus. She did not get out of her way to help them. Instead, she thought that if "she was living that nightmare, they'd have to live it too". She would not put her neck on the line to help another - which, not so coincidentally, is typical behavior in the Hells (again, proof that Avernus was indeed getting to her). The Hag's Vicious Mockery targeted specifically at Karlach mentions how she is willing to "sell everyone's soul's if it means she can save hers". We do not know exactly what it refers to - soul coins, throwing others under the bus, ignoring people in need - but it reinforces the idea that Karlach was not the nicest person for at least 12+ years. Granted, the devils around her were much worse - but they are DEVILS in HELL. So.

Generally, in game we notice that her effort to survive and stay alive has pushed her selfishness to grow. But it still is selfishness. Another example is how she disapproves (together with Astarion), if you say to healer Nettie that you "swear to drink the Wyvern poison". She wouldn't drink it. She'd rather kill Nettie (that gets hostile).

Another hint at her grey-ish personality is when she talks to/about Wyll after he is punished by Mizora for not having killed Karlach. She mentions that she would NOT have done the same in his place. That he was better than her. Again, she would not put her skin on the line like that. She would and has turned a blind eye to situations and persons if it meant it would guarantee her survival or avoid injury. (Mind you, I 100% belive she would do this sacrifice if she was in love with someone, though.)

She will ask to, and will use Soul Coins even though she knows it's morally a sus choice to do so. If you play as her she will repeat to herself "I won't use them, they are people's souls - and I am GOOD." like she is trying to convince herself. Because she would fucking use them to smash some big fuckers in a blink - and feel awesome while doing it. Even as her, she keeps insisting "But... maybe I can use them... JUST when I really need them." Additionally, when she talks to the bugbear merchant in Moonrise Towers and he offers her soul coins, she doesn't really feel guilty for the stories of the souls in them. She even says at some point "they are already doomed, so why not use them anyway", justifying that she will only kill evil bastards with them. In any case, the morality of her choice is debatable. It makes clear that Karlach is not "lawful good" by any stretch.

Let me reiterate that just because I am saying all this about Karlach, doesn't mean I dislike her. I think she is abso-fucking-lutely the best character in the game. But I hate to see her personality "flattened" to nice happy go lucky gal. I think she has a grey-tinged personality - she has good and bad aspects to herself; she has character flaws too.

But I also think that she is trying her damn hardest to be the best she can be right then. The opposite of what she's been. Maybe it is because she has so little time left, that she needs to be the absolute best version of herself while she can. Perhaps she is trying to be what she would have been if her parents did not die - because they seemed like great loving parents. And I think Karlach didn't turn into a broken evil maniac because of them, the way they raised her while they were alive. But she lost her mom at 6, her father around 13-15. After that, it was struggling on the streets, Gortash and Zariel - betrayal, violence, carnage, war and loneliness. It is too naive to think a person would not change after all this, that Karlach would not carry more scars than those she shows on her body. To her credit, she turned much MUCH better than anyone would have. She WILL kill with a grin on her face, seek violence, blood and even revel in it - she learned to relish it and now it's part of who she is. She is selfish, she will look out for herself and has no qualms about killing or throwing people she doesn't care for under the bus (if she sees justification for it). BUT she knows what evil is, and doesn't let shit happen to people who don't deserve it. She will side with those who suffer prejudice and fight against what she sees as injustice - but even she has a limit to how far she'd go.

If you raid the Emerald Grove, she will leave the party. To me, this screams of her trying to right her past wrongs. She left the Elturians to their fate once before, so she MUST save them now that she has another chance - and that it won't cost her her life. I love her being 1/3 brutal killing machine (and fucking LOVING it), 1/3 ptsd, fear and overcompensating trauma under a smile, and 1/3 just trying her best, really, and being lovely for it. Phew. That was a long rant. I guess I just wanted to organize my thoughts about it a bit :V

[a-twistedheartslonging]

Could I ask for courting/relationship headcanons for my pathetic boy Idia in your AU?

Sorry, this took a while.

Man, poor OG Idia already has it hard as a cursed human, he's not the type to make the first move, even with his brother providing him with all the evidence and statistics showing him that you would accept his feelings.

But now we're adding him being a big spider with those courting and mating instincts that conflict with the guy's other anxiety-driven instincts telling him to avoid it all and that everything would go wrong and that you would tell him “Ew no, you're a gross spider that’s blue all over.” and then poke him with a stick.

Most spiders tend to be solitary creatures, they don't live in groups and only come together when it's time to find a mate. It doesn't happen all the time but it’s common for the males to get eaten after mating or even before they have the chance to when their advances are rejected. Now that is for regular spiders but there might be a chance of it if you go up to the wrong person and these guys still have those instincts telling them to be warry thanks to their ancestors. People always say “The worst that can happen is they say no.” But really there's the chance they might say “Ew no” which is way worse. Or the extra way way worse when you are a spider cuz your crush might get freaking aggressive with you and take a bite out of you. You being a little human def ease his worry about the latter, but not the former.

It's later after you guys start to hang out that he starts to be a snarky little shit, who knew such an anxious guy could have so much sass. He’s a weird combination of having issues with self-loathing while also having a big ego. It's one of those times where he starts mouthing off that you do actually try to bite him, he was legit scared for a sec but once he saw those little teeth of yours couldn’t even make a scratch on the exoskeleton on his arm, he gets super freaking smug, and now he’s even more of a shit when teasing you.

With Idia romantic feelings will develop slowly over time after becoming friends though. It's def a new feeling for him, he gives me demi-ace vibes and I think this would be the first time he had this kind of interest in a real person, it was always fictional characters before.

But also I feel like with him it could turn into him thinking these fillings are just how it feels when you have a best friend since he’s only had his brother for all those years and you're the first person outside of his family that he felt this comfortable around and when he actually does these courting behaviors its subconscious and his instincts are kicking in and his brother is actually the one to point it out.

The male of the orb weaver family (Araneidae) and some others court by rhythmically plucking the threads of a web. After the female approaches, he pats and strokes her before mating. I head canon that not only is he able to create webs but they are cool and glowy and he makes a cool hammock for you to chill in sometimes or even hang out with him on one he made for himself…and then without thinking when you're leaning against him and enjoying the soft blue floof of his legs he gives you a few gentle pats and baps with spider paw and Ortho lets out a gasp and startles him. Oh, he gets so embarrassed once Ortho starts asking him about how long he’s been courting you and how he’s so proud that he made the first move despite his anxiety. Hopefully, he does his questioning after you're out of the room.

(Oh, to be patted by one of his cute spooder paws.)

Or perhaps…he pulls a male wolf spider and ends up doing that purr after you say or do something that hits him in those feelings and oh boy, he is so embarrassed when he realizes he did it thanks to your excited reaction to hearing it. Though it hurts his ego a bit when you squeal about how cute it is…I mean…even if he didn't mean to do it, it was supposed to be sexy…still with spiders if you're rejected you either get ignored or attacked…even though he knows better, the inhuman part of his brain is telling him your positive reaction is a “yes” to getting with him which lends to him actually considering that this might actually work out and that Ortho is right. 

(Tbh I don't get why the video says it's creepy, it kind of sounds like bird sounds to me.)

Silk-wrapped gifts and offerings, expect snacks and games. Though admittedly he’s going to give you ones that he wants you to play with him. Beating a boss in co-op counts as a date…right? Right. Best believe he’s gonna be getting you hard-to-get items in game, armor, and whatever else. It’s easy to forget his rich until he gets you some decked-out gaming computer or that handheld you wanted, all wrapped in glowing blue silk of course. Actually, driders giving gifts made of their silk is very much a thing they do but Idia mostly does small simple things, expect to get really cool bracelets and hair ties infused with his scent. He gets so happy and so smug if he sees you wearing them.

I found out recently that another thing some males will do is do sort of a silk-involved message, though I think that is another thing he would do after you guys start dating and not before to...get you in the mood.

The massaging motions of the spider are officially called mate binding. Basically, the male massages the female, so that she'll allow him to mate with her, without killing him before he gets the chance. The male spider releases silk over the back of the female as he massages her. The same study also suggested that it was the feeling of the massage that soothed the female, and not the smell of the silk as some scientists suggested.

NSFW: I just found out that Darwin’s bark spiders figured out they're less likely to get eaten by ladies if they do oral. Do with that info what you may.

[r3leee]

winter wonderland

wanted to pump out a little gift for y'all before christmas 🫡 also i DESPERATELY needed to write for my girl gwen ugh love her 🫶🏻 (i’m legally married to her in case you’re wondering)

pairing: gwen stacy x fem!reader

summary: headcanons for being gwen's girlfriend during winter <3

warnings: established relationship, cursing, implied-girly/femme!reader, reader is shorter than gwen, tooth-rotting fluff, reader celebrates christmas

word count: 687, should take about five and a half minutes to read

listen to: winter wonderland by beabadoobe

i don’t imagine gwen being a cold weather girl

she would much rather prefer walking in the park with you over trudging through piles upon piles of snow

she definitely has soft hands (calloused from her drumsticks, but soft), so she hates winter because her hands get all dry and cracked

her cuticles also get really bad, girl’s hands look like this:

but no need to worry, because her pretty girlfriend’s to the rescue!!

every day you SLATHER this girl’s hands in lotion and pluck her cuticles

you also paint her nails in her current favorite color and she does yours <3

even with hating winter, she has so many poofy jackets

they surprisingly look so good on her

whenever you see her in one, you always HAVE to go and give her a big bear hug because what else are you supposed to do?? she looks like a fucking marshmallow!!

when you say you’re cold, she always insists on giving you her jacket. of course you protest every time, but it never works

she of course wants her girl to be warm, but she always wants to see how dumb you look in the jacket (girl’s 5’8 and has muscles [you can’t convince me otherwise], of course you’re gonna look like an idiot in it)

she’ll take a picture and post it on her story and you’ll be like “ gwen noooo :((” and she’s all “oh, I’m sorry. can’t help that you’re smaller than me” 😭🫶🏻

sometimes you convince her to go out in the snow with you

it takes a while, but once she’s out there, she won’t go back inside

she is absolutely a BEAST at snowball fights

you’ll be hiding behind a tree holding your snowball, and she’ll come out of nowhere and hit you right in the face

you have to yell at her to stop at some point because it’s just snowball after snowball and you’re starting to get cold

you guys also make snowmen, i don’t make the rules

hers always look kind of demented tho

shit’s looking like this:

“gwen, what the fuck is that 😭”

“that’s harold. what do you have against him?”

“he looks like he got thrown in a blender…”

“your face looks like it got thrown in a blender.”

“you’re so rude!! ☹️ you know what, at least mine looks better.”

christmas is the absolute best with her

you guys would have a tradition of giving each other the most ass gifts ever, like cat socks or shrek earrings

one year she legit gives you coal

the next you get her an empty pringles can, you get the process

sometimes she actually turns up and gets you something good that reminded her of you

one year she literally gave you this amazing dress

satin in your favorite color that came down to your knees with lace on the edges

“where’d you get the money for this?!”

“i have my ways.”

“i swear to god, if you spent all your money on this…” (she did)

needless to say, it’s your new favorite dress

she also loves baking with you, even though she‘s ass at it

you’re trying to make snowflake cookies and they end up looking like a fucking whale

also the dough’s super inconsistent because she poured almost the whole bag of flour in 😭

poor girl cannot follow instructions for the life of her (I don’t believe in consistency LMAOLMAO)

the cookies are so bad you almost gag trying to eat them but at least you spent quality time with your girlfriend!!

if there’s one thing she does know how to make tho, it’s hot chocolate

she has a killer recipe, but she refuses to give it to you

says it’s a family recipe that can absolutely NOT be shared

after a day of her kicking your ass with the snowballs, her hot chocolate’s the best thing to perk you up

your cold hands will graze each other’s as she hands you your mug <3

you’ll cuddle while the snow falls outside, her arm gently around your waist, tons of blankets over you two

[rel312]

I forgot the Miraculous Awakening movie was supposed to come out so now I’m gonna ramble about it (spoilers!):

The jumpscare of hearing Marinette sing in a completely different voice took me off guard

I’m loving actually seeing gabriel as a fashion designer and what his stuff looks like

Chloe sounds… very much not like Chloe and it’s off putting (idk if it’s a different voice actor, I’m not looking it up)

“Think you an I were meant to be” I love Alya

Emilie? This clearly in the movie??

Was that Luka I just saw next to Juleka? At school???

The black cat on the book!

Adrien looks so pretty in that shot

Are… are Nino and Adrien already friends??

Gabriel’s hair

The loss of Emilie seems to be a lot more recent/present than in the series

Ohhh it’s her birthday

The lore is very interesting in this, we’re getting a lot more that wasn’t there in the show

So the miraculous have a choice in this for their holders I guess

Fu is so funny

The moon!

Was… was the black cat a coincidence? How did it get there? I don’t think it was Plagg so what was that??

So the first akumatized victim is not a child this time

There’s a ladybug too? I’m so confused

“Who saves a life saves the world” interesting that it’s more prophecy-like

I keep forgetting this is a musical

I love the beats of the theme song though

Is- is Tikki rapping???

No transformation sequence?

So she’s aware it’s a musical?

Is the yo-yo sentient???

No Adrien and Plagg intro scene?

Adrien is so funny he’s so excited to be a hero

Pretty different ladynoir dynamic, cat noir’ not immediately smitten

“A she-ro” please no

She called him Kitty!

CARELESS WHISPER???

Now he’s smitten

“Like a dream in a dream” Adrien you have to work on your lyrics

But the moon

Fart jokes? Really?

PTFAFS

Adrien going from she’s my side kick to she’s better than me in every way

Puss in boots

“I have nothing to lose” um your son??

Gabriel villain song kinda goes hard ngl

Is he making multiple villains? I’m so lost

Are they making Mr. Mime a real villain now? Not Mylene’s dad?

Also who is this pink haired lady?

“Dr. Love” Nino I love you but you’re so wrong

So Nino already has a crush on Alya and not Marinette

Aww Tom gets to hear Marinette call him the best

Only to immediately think she’s embarrassed by him

Nino losing his glasses on the ride is legit my biggest fear when going on rides

Transformation sequence!

Where did she actually transform though? She was just in the middle of the fair

They learned to work together fast

So I guess he doesn’t need to say the word cataclysm?

I love Ferris wheels rolling around scenes

Lmao Marinette really went I’ll save your life but you’re going in the dumpster

The timeline of this movie is very confusing, Nino is in love with Alya? But wasn’t it just the first day of school? Or was it just in the middle? When did Nino and Adrien meet? I have so many questions

Was the balloon thing a person? If not who created him and how?

THEME SONG!

Are we really getting all this adrienette development in a montage?? He told her about his mom, they went to the movies, they had a double date with Alya and Nino, and were barely getting it???

I love the glitter in Cat Noir’s mask

Ladynoir moment by the moon!

Marinette stood up to Chloe!

Adrien you cannot scare a person like that

The hearts in the balcony and the moon again!

I’m loving the visuals in this movie

“For the first time I feel truly free, it’s all thanks to you” my heart!

Ladynoir seems to be the main ship of the movie and I’m not mad about it

Oh my god their dance by the moon! I knew it was coming but I love it so much!

“How could I ever think she’d fall for me” Adrien stop she does love you she just doesn’t realize it’s you

Gabriel looks like shit and I’m glad to see it

I’m glad Adrien was able to stand up to him though

She actually managed to ask him out holy shit!

I mean I know it’s sad cause he rejected her but she actually managed to do it look at her!

I… did not think her shirt was a tank top this is so weird

Hawkmoth is akumatizing himself???

Careless Whisper again??? Are the writers ok??

Did they really need the takeout death?

The- the moth miraculous just… ate the ladybug miraculous???

I guess they don’t quite have cataclysm and lucky charm, their powers work a bit differently

Gabriel’s face at seeing Adrien, now you finally see what you’ve done you SOB

I’m glad they get to reconcile

So she can just… fix everything without a lucky charm??

Her dress is so pretty!

And she’s not wearing a mask!

The reveal in this is so interesting but pretty cute!

The way she took off his mask and put it on her was so freaking cute!

Really? Cut to the end right before the kiss??

So he does have Emilie in the basement?

Wait a minute I don’t think we ever got to see Chloe and Adrien interact in the movie lmao

The movie started a bit more cheesy and childish but overall they did a pretty good job of telling the story. The visuals were stunning, though the story was a bit rushed but they did a good job. There wasn’t quite enough time to develop the characters and their dynamics but they did the best they could with the time they had. The person who did Marinette’s singing voice was amazing, but I wish they found someone who sounded more like Marinette if they couldn’t use the same voice actress. The lore was a bit different but I kind of like it better than how much we started getting in later seasons, I just wish we got a bit more explanation on some things cause we don’t have the show to give us answers anymore. The only reason I feel like this ending with gabriel and Adrien works is because they didn’t have as much of an abusive relationship and he actually had a chance to redeem himself, but I’m glad he has to actually deal with the consequences. I know there are tons of fanfics about it but it’s so sad that while Marinette knew who Adrien was, he had no idea if he’d ever see Ladybug again but I’m glad that got resolved pretty quickly. I’m confused on what they want to do next cause they clearly were setting up for some kind of sequel but gabriel is already out as Hawkmoth and Nathalie only helped him during that time but I guess we’d just have to wait and see.

[socra-time]

Naruto Episode Comments, Ep 21-30

Ep 21:

-wow Gaara is tiny

-Gaara and Sasuke are immediately having an edgelord-off bc of course they are

-Iruka is such a worried dad

-I love Kakashi so much

-I love how Lee talks, it’s so earnest

-I also like Tenten’s voice

Ep 22:

-Lee is so fucking goofy I love him

-also I didn’t know Lee had a giant crush on Sakura

-I do like Sasuke but him getting his shit rocked by Lee was really satisfying

-GAI I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

-Gai’s voice is exactly what I thought it would be and I love it

-I need a spinoff about Team Gai and I need it NOW (yes I know the Rock Lee spinoff exists and I WILL be watching it)

-Gai’s stupid poses are incredible

Ep 23:

-aw Kakashi is so proud of his squad😭

-“Akimichi, more like Aki-munchy” is CRAZY

-Akamaru is so CUTEEEEEE

-anyways Naruto is such a fucking hater to all the other rookies

-I can’t get over Kiba casually walking around with a puppy on his head

-Shino is so drippy. Also his voice wasn’t what I expected

-unrelated to anything in the episode but the sand siblings have such cool designs

Ep 24:

-“I don’t know where the others are sitting!” Naruto says, sitting two rows ahead of Sakura

-shoutout to Sakura for being the only one actually smart enough to take the test without cheating

-respectfully how the FUCK did Tenten not get caught cheating. I can get past Ino and Neji not getting caught (since even though their powers are pretty obvious, they only have to cheat once or twice to get the info they need)- but fucking TENTEN????

-Kiba’s cheating method is potentially okay-ish, since only he seems to be able to understand Akamaru so it may just seem like the dog making little noises instead of passing him answers, but he really shouldn’t have even been allowed to have Akamaru with him in the first place

-also Shino had the best cheating method out of the Konoha kids hands down

Ep 25:

-Kurenai is so pretty and also I like her voice

-I like that Sakura was going to quit the test in order to force Naruto to fail with her and thus prevent him from potentially losing his chance at his dream, you could really tell she does care about him deep down

-aw Ibiki is actually kinda chill, I like him

-I also already like Anko, she has unhinged energy

Ep 27:

-Naruto continues to be a gremlin

-“Survival. What a drag.” So real Shikamaru

-I’m torn between being annoyed that Ino and Sakura are fighting over a boy and being highly entertained by their pettiness

-Hinata sweetie Naruto does NOT give a shit about you right now

-Team 10’s dynamic is really just Ino wrangling Shikamaru and Choji

-Shikamaru is so scrawny-looking lmao

-Akamaru looks so holdable<3

-so like Kiba, Shino, and Hinata totally killed those guys right??? Congrats to them for being the first rookies to kill someone lol

Ep 28:

-okay Sasuke kick-launching a kunai was badass

-I could do without all the tongue shit thank you very much

-I’m glad that even though Sasuke is the cool rival character he’s still allowed to feel fear and desperation, it’s humanizing and reminds you that he’s still a kid (a kid that also happens to have God eyes and shoots fire but yknow a kid nonetheless)

-Naruto getting digested by a snake was not on my bingo card of things that would happen in this arc

-Sasuke stabbing himself was metal as hell

-Jesus fucking Christ snake lady (who I’m assuming is Orochimaru based on what I know about him) is terrifying

Ep 29:

-Naruto really has no sense of self-preservation

-seeing Sasuke so shaken-up is very off-putting but also makes Orochimaru feel like a properly intense threat

-oh so Sasuke is like legit traumatized

-also Sakura was yelling at Sasuke to fight, but she also wasn’t fighting so that was pretty hypocritical lmao

Ep 30:

-I like that Sasuke says the episode title instead of Naruto for this episode

-the animation is popping OFF

-Sasuke continues to be badass and also completely willing to roast someone alive

-EW OROCHIMARU FUCKING BIT SASUKE WTF

-yeah I need Orochimaru gone ASAP

-I noticed that the symbol on Orochimaru’s headband changed to the Sound symbol, which was a cool detail

-respectfully I’m gonna need Sakura to start being more useful to the team. Can this pleeeease be her chance to step up

-I wonder if Anko’s snake shit and Orochimaru’s snake shit are related, since he was apparently her sensei

-Sasuke really cannot catch a fuckin break in this show

[obsidianstrawberrymilk]

A small collection of KOTLC things Shannon told me at 3am

I promise she told me guys, this is totally legit

Dex Dizznee isn’t actually blonde but ginger, he gets his hair color from his dad. The three triplets all have strawberry blonde hair like their mom. His hair is also curly but like, loosely curly, and it’s really dry from all the shit he ‘experiments’ on it with.

Fitz Vacker once accidentally stumbled into a musical while in the human world and now absolutely loves musical songs. His favorite is Phantom of the Opera. It wasn’t like Alden was constantly watching him in the human world so he’d sometimes just sneak into theaters to listen and watch the shows.

Maruca Chebota is the most middle child ever. She has an older and a younger brother, but also another older cousin (Wylie) and two younger cousins. She’s even in the middle in terms of that, which is ironic because her mom is also the middle child between her two siblings.

Terik is Talentless, but he’s got basically a watered-down version of Empathy from his parents, who were both incredibly powerful Empaths who had been tasked with making sure Elves turned into myth for humans. He’s been scamming the whole Elven society for centuries and isn’t about to stop now.

Alina’s family was involved in a scandal when she was very young that resulted in them being cast out from the Nobility and their birth funds being revoked, though they were allowed to remain in Talentless cities. She decided to pursue Alden primarily for his family name - and the fact that she would up being one of the first people on his Match list was just the cherry on top. It made it even worse when he decided to marry Della instead, though at that point it was later enough she could detach herself from her family anyway.

Sophie Foster’s human family were anti-vaxx, Protestant, and Republican. Sophie was always a bit too busy trying to manage her telepathy to notice much about their political stances. Amy is growing to be significantly more liberal and had began to openly argue with them before everything in Nightfall happened.

Alina is Fitz’s biological mother. After Alvar was born and already not shaping up into the son Alden wanted by age 11, she used his desperation to Beguile him into having a child with her. When Alden realized what she’d done he did his best to cut all contact with her, though he did take Fitz, something with both Alina and Della resented. Alvar knew about this, which is why he dislikes Fitz so much while still loving his younger sister, Biana.

Livvy Soden is a triple agent, working in the Black Swan as a spy for the Neverseen as a spy for the Black Swan. No one is quite sure what her intentions are any more.

Wylie Endal has his own group of friends, who are all in their early 20s, and who love making fun of him for being forced to hang out with a bunch of teenagers. His best friend among them is Tanho, who’s Talentless, and was kicked out of his house at age 15 as a result after an abusive childhood. He stayed with Wylie and Tiergan for a few months after while trying to sort himself out, and is a large part of the reason why Wylie is now as observant and skeptical as he is.

Stina Heks isn’t actually an Empath, she’s a Mesmer, but a weak one. Not that she knows it.

It’s not actually Fitz who has the Nobility attitude towards humans, as in condescending and ignorant, though it does seem that way - he spent far too much time in the human world to not pick up on some of the good and interesting parts of humanity as well. It’s Biana, who spent most of her childhood being raised in a fairly isolated group of Elves who all had huge superiority complexes towards other species.

Ruewen is Edaline and Juline’s last names. Juline took Kesler’s last name to finally shut up her parents, who were harping on about how Kesler was using her for her family.

Grady Ruewen’s mother disappeared soon after he manifested as a Mesmer at age 12, resulting in a huge amount of people blaming him for it and his family, already in a precarious social position, to get hit even harder. Taking Edaline’s last name allowed him to entirely reform himself to a new person to the outside world. At least, until Jolie died.

Jolie Ruewen was a part of the Elven equivalent of a punk rock band, which tends to have a slightly more melodious (though still loud and chaotic) sound than human rock. Brant was their singer, and they had their first kiss during a concert, to excite the crowd even more. They decided they liked it and just kept doing it even off stage.

The movement began a few decades earlier, after an illegal trip to the human realm gave some twenty year old elves the idea to begin making their own instruments to try and mimic the sounds they found in the human world.

Tam and Linh Song grew up purposefully separated from each other, with Tam mainly spending time with their Dad and Linh their mom. As a result, Linh developed a love of painting, as it’s some of the only pleasant times she can recall with her mother, and Tam developed a hatred of economics and desk chairs.

Keefe Sencen and Linh Song are really good friends. No one else is aware of this. They also regularly vandalize council buildings.

Despite what certain artists and books will tell you, Elven houses are not made of crystal. They’re based on Ancient architecture, mainly using stone or wood or both, and have a wide variety of designs and patterns depending on where you go.

Most Elves do live in populated cities. Rimshire is a small-ish house located on the outskirts of Mysterium, not as close to the more densely populated parts of the city, but still with a lot of people. However, as Nobility usually do love in isolated, grand estates, it took a bit for Juline to get used to it. As Kesler grew up in a much smaller house with five siblings, he had the opposite experience.

Marella Redek’s favorite aunt is a Neverseen member. Marella is a Black Swan member. They have fought each other before and the next day hugged at a family gathering. Neither are aware of this.

Fitz Vacker talks to his stuffed animals. He has more than one - he has Mr Snuggles, obviously, but also Biana gave him one during Flashback, and Keefe made him one before he left for the Neverseen the first time. They all give different advice. Mr Snuggles sounds like Tiergan, the one Biana gave him sounds like Alvar, and the one Keefe made him sounds like Keefe.

Rayni Aria (Glimmer) was lying about her entire backstory in Stellarlune. Tam is the only one who knows what actually happened to her.

Rayni and Linh eventually grow to tolerate each other, if for Tam’s sake only. Linh can’t deal with having to share the one person she’d always thought would put her first (nevermind if he always would anyway); Rayni sees Linh’s hostility and automatically returns it with her own. As they get used to each other, they can be in a room without arguing or passive aggressively insulting each other.

Despite this, they’re actually very similar people, which makes them both even angrier. Linh can’t even make fun of how he acted with Keefe anymore now because of how she and Rayni act.

The reason Bronte is so mad at Fintan is that he found out that Fintan was dating JRR Tolkien at the same time as they were secretly dating (as to avoid being kicked out from the Council). Fintan was under the mistaken impression Bronte was also dating him, Bronte had misspoken and said he was ‘dating’ Tolkien instead of ‘rating’ Tolkien (as in, his books).

Fitz and Dex are in love, the Vackers are Desi, and Fintan has a flat ass. This is common knowledge though.

[bakedbakermom]

Here is my spoiler-heavy review of/bitch session about Perihelion. I, uh, didn't like it much. I can see the hard work and the love that Claudia Gray has for this series and these characters, and I appreciate it. But. It didn't work for me.

I went into this completely blind. As in, I didn't even read the am*zon blurb or the inside flap to see what it was about. I saw "new official X-Files book" and blacked out and then I had it in my hands. It's part casefile, part mytharc, picking up shortly after the events of My Struggle 4, and clearly meant to be a launching pad for continuing the show as a series of novels.

The casefile is about a killer targeting pregnant women, and Mulder and Scully get called in to investigate because of electrical disturbances in the vicinity of the murder. The mytharc is about the group that moves in to fill the power vacuum left behind by the destruction of the Syndicate (a group calling themselves the Inheritors) and the genetic fallout from the Syndicate's experiments that has resulted in people developing, um, superpowers. Like legit X-Men-style superpowers. And these X-Men aren't happy about it.

Okay let's talk about the casefile bit first. Look. I am sick to fucking death of this show's treatment of women and fertility. If I had known that was going to be the focus of part of this book, I don't know that I would have read it. There are some fairly graphic descriptions of one of the crime scenes early in the book that really turned my stomach, not in a "this is a fun scary story" kind of way but in a "this violence hits far too close to home and I am experiencing the starts of a panic attack" kind of way, so be mindful of that. There are also some scenes from the killer's POV as he stalks his victims - including, of course, Scully 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 - that are so enraging and pathetic I could barely get through them.

And then - TWIST - it turns out he doesn't have electricity powers.... SCULLY DOES. Yeah. Straight up superhero "shoot somebody with a bolt of lightning like DPO" powers. I. I don't.... I can't talk about that part right now or I'll stab myself in the face but...

Look. I love that we got a vehicle for Scully to address her trauma, get some agency, and kick some ass. She needed that. We all needed that. I do like that she completely handed this guy's ass to him when he showed up at the door expecting to face a scared pregnant lady and instead got taken down by Scully FBI in about oh 3 seconds like the pathetic misogynistic sack of shit he is. But FUCK please stop making Scully the target of a fucking serial killer. Stop.

And the book never does give a satisfactory explanation for why the electrical disturbances around each murder could have originated with Scully. Yes, she was near the scene of each crime. Yes, for SOME of them she was in an emotionally charged state. But y'all she was fucking ASLEEP during one of them. And there were many times she was emotionally charged and nothing happened. I don't mind when XF is vague about this shit, that's kind of what they do, but it could at least make sense. I thought maybe it would turn out not to be her but her baby, sensing the danger and acting out to protect or warn the others, but no... Scully just happened to be upset and nearby each time this guy hacked a pregnant woman and her unborn baby to pieces? That is a level of coincidence I just can't get behind. No. (It could still turn out to be the baby, though. I am not convinced.)

Also, unfortunately, Scully handing this guy his own ass on a silver platter was kind of a disappointing ending to that storyline. Satisfying for Scully as a character does not equal satisfying to the reader as a story, sorry.

Okay. Now. The Mytharc.

The shadowy Inheritors kinda suck. They're rich douchebags in ivory towers pulling strings to keep themselves in luxury. If the Syndicate was the generation that pulled themselves up by their bootstraps or whatever, the Inheritors are the trust fund baby generation who are just... there. They don't actually do very much in this story, but I suppose that could change if they try to carry TXF on as a series of novels. So far they seem focused on finding the X-Men that the Syndicate created by accident so they can have a standing army of mutants to do their bidding and keep them on top.

Two such individuals are Vane, who can turn into smoke and travel like Nightcrawler (and yes that's a comparison that's made in the text, which is NOT helping the X-Men allegations) and Craddock, who can channel the dead. (Cherish Craddock is my angel baby and I love her and will hear nothing bad about her. She has superpowers that could destabilize the very structure of society as we know it, and just... uses them to run a wellness cult because it's easy and fun and she doesn't have to work in an office. Honestly, same, love that for you.) They are secretly working against the Inheritors to turn the X-Men to THEIR side instead. There's a fucking secret underground training facility and everything.

There's also a new boss at the FBI who - gasp - has questionable motivations. And a new informant in pop culture tees who - gasp - has questionable motivations. Par for the course I guess, but if you're as sick of the constant rehashing of the mytharc tropes as I am, you're gonna be rolling your eyes. The mytharc just needs to die, okay. It is too broken. Turning The X-Files into The X-Men isn't going to fix it. Casefiles forever from here on out, okay?

Scully has a nice little sidequest where she asks a friend at work to help her figure out the whole "uh there's an alien virus spreading through the population that's causing various degrees of weird mutations including literal fucking superpowers and maybe we should, like, NOT let it do that" but nothing comes of that in this book.

So overall it was kind of a weak casefile, and a mytharc that felt like a lot of set-up for a payoff that may never come, and a ridiculous pivot into superhero territory that I am just not here for. Mulder and Scully are well-written and definitely them, which I appreciated, though given where canon left off with them it's not exactly fun to hang out in their lives/heads. There was one incredibly sweet scene toward the very end where they go to a sonogram together, and that's one of perhaps 3 scenes that I am snatching up like a thieving squirrel at the birdfeeder and taking back to my treehole nest to build my headcanons around.

Also.

There were a few things that absolutely infuriated me.

So the same friend of Scully's doing the genetic thing is also helping her work out the origins of her current pregnancy, and in doing so reveals some information/hope regarding William, which Vane also confirms, and SCULLY DOESN'T TELL MULDER THIS. They do so much work on their shared grief in this book, healing and communicating and reuniting, and she DOESN'T TELL HIM THAT THIS BABY IS HIS AND MAYBE WILLIAM WAS TOO AND THE WOUND THAT RIPPED THEM APART MAYBE WASN'T EVERYTHING THEY THOUGHT IT WAS??? He deserves that information and it pisses me the fuck off that she didn't share it; William is his trauma too, and keeping that from him is just so fucking mean and feels so out of character. They end the story hiding shit from each other and WHY do we still have this as a plot device Jesus Fucking Christ.

I am also so beyond angry that CSM came back for a visit via Craddock's channeling to help Mulder. Either he did that because he's genuinely had a change of heart now that he can see things from "the other side" (oh fuck you, gag me, vomit, do NOT try to redemption-arc this man to me, not ever), OR he's using Craddock to try and continue manipulating and controlling M&S even in death and FUCK YOU NO. I don't even care which one it is. I don't want to know. That man needs to never grace my screen (or page) ever again. Can we just leave his rotting, burnt out husk on the roadside and never deal with him as a character ever again??? CAN WE MOVE ON FROM THAT FUCKWAD PLEASE.

One more thing: there was a bit where Scully is ruminating on the trauma she's endured and there's a kind of throwaway line about Mulder having suffered too, though not as deeply. Dude had part of his BRAIN stolen. He was abducted and tortured. His entire life was a rollercoaster of trauma as he ripped himself apart to uncover the truth about Samantha, only to find out that his father was part of it and also not his father and oh btw every bad thing that ever happened to him and everyone he loved was that guy's fault. DUDE WAS LEGIT DEAD AND BURIED FOR MOOOOOOONNNNTHS. I am not saying what he and Scully endured are equivalent, but this dismissal left a bad taste in my mouth.

This review is so incredibly negative and I'm sorry for that. There were parts of it I had fun with. If this wasn't an XF story but instead an original universe, I might have liked it. But if this is where XF is heading... I think I'm out. Every fan has a breaking point and Scully growing lightning powers to fight Nightcrawler in a secret underground supermutant training facility is mine. I get where you're taking this train, Claudia Gray, and I respect your effort, but this is my stop.

[your-local-hoemie]

Imagine our favorite gingers with a constantly sleepy s/o T-T s/o just casually falling asleep on a chair during a social event coz her social battery is non existent (this is so me)

-🐢anon

Somehow tumblr is exposing my red flags better than what my therapist did, how ya’ll outing me like this 💀

Also hELLO! Yesyesyes our favourite ginger snacks are bACK!

I legit had to do this instead of catching up with Genshin because I was doing Heizou’s hangout quest and bro had me giggling and kicking my legs istg Hoyo knew what the fuck they were doing with him and I can’t handle it.

Warnings: fluff, swearing, established relationship, gn!reader, not-proof read.

Characters: Childe, Thoma.

Childe~

Dude finds it funny

Seriously had to hold back from teasing you about it 24/7 and it’s starting to break him

Ego boost 2000

At first he was very concerned!

Thought you died again 2.0

Kept asking if you were hungry or sleeping alright since he legit thought you weren’t taking care of yourself

Which you probably wasn’t knowing ya’ll, drink some damn water.

But when you told him it was just because your social battery was akin to a decomposing gummy worm, he immediately started laughing

Him being a extrovert makes it kinda hard for him to understand why social events are exhausting for you

Even if it’s just like 30 minutes

Even so, he loves his baby and will absolutely make sure to be prepared!

Always has something on him that can double as a pillow!

If he forgets it or can’t find anything then he’ll lean you against his arm or lap

He’s so casual about it too 💀

Unless he’s feeling like a lil’ shit and decides to tease you.

If you’re embarrassed about it or feel insecure about not keeping up with his ungodly amount of energy then he’ll be quick to put your mind at ease!

There’s nothing you could do that would make this man embarrassed by you

Gets suuuper cocky and proud when people look at you snoozing away against him

Mans just like-

“Yeah, I know you wish you were me right now”

If someone complains or gets annoyed by it then well

I think we all know the drill by now

He’ll help them take a nice nap too

Permanently

Or at least make em wish they could take the forever nap

Sometimes if the event or meeting is super boring which it usually is for him he’ll get lost staring at your face and admiring all your pretty features~

Ends up feeling bad when he has to wake you up but loves seeing your groggy face change from confused to panic within seconds

Usually ends up with you hitting him because he didn’t wake you up

Which usually ends up accidentally encouraging him to take you home so you can “rest” in bed >;)

Thoma~

You’re so lucky omg you have no idea

He got so concerned when he noticed you acting kinda off during a outing during one of his days off

Boy kept a super close eye on you and made sure you all stopped to eat just because he thought you had forgot to eat ;-;

when you ended up falling asleep on his shoulder he was fROZEN

Like you know when an animal falls asleep on you and you legally can’t move?

That

He panicked

After he tried slightly nudging you he simply just accepted his fate

After this happens a couple more times he eventually figured it out!

He’s good at being social given his close relationship with the Kamisato clan but he prefers keeping to himself a lot

So he’d definitely be able to understand!!

Knows how to help you recharge quickly too!!

He also grew used to you taking naps randomly when your energy was completely used up and prepared for it~

Very similar to Childe in that aspect!

Though he’s get too flustered to let you lay on his lap in public jkfjdkdkk

When it’s time to go he’ll wake you up by softly kissing your cheek or brushing it with his finger while gentle sitting you up

Doesn’t even give you a reason to feel insecure about it!

He’s so sweet and gentle that he’s just naturally comforting to be around

Always reassures you even if he thinks there’s even a slight chance of you feeling guilty ;-;

Occasionally calls you his sleepy angel if you’re being particularly cute!

If anyone gets mad about it he’ll simply tell them that if it’s annoying then you can both just leave

Has zero patience with anyone who dares to get mad at you for things you can’t help

When you both get home after a draining day he’ll make sure you’re all nice and tucked up in bed while he makes dinner

Please show him how much you appreciate him istg this boy is so precious

Look at me being productive uwu

Seriously how do people have the energy to just be social and not pass out the first chance you get it genuinely scares me-

[the-cult-of-riley]

Sleeping With Ghosts (Act Two: Chapter Three)

Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Female OC

[[Masterlist]]

A/N:

Man, I’ve been feeling like shit lmao

My b12 anaemia has been kicking my ass and I’m not even joking. I went to see Greg Puciato on the 10th and I legit spent the whole first two starting bands throwing up and almost passing out, with zero alcohol consumed. I thought I was gonna die but refused to go home ‘cause no way was I missing Greg loooool I pushed through and it was the best show I’ve ever been to, even if I felt on the verge of death. I also picked up some germs ‘cause now I feel like I’ve got the flu and I haven't even got over whatever I was dealing with before.

I don’t know why my brain has been really struggling with this chapter. I have so much of Act Two mapped out but it's mostly the action and the fun and the angsty bits and the making up and all that. The little in-between parts to get there haven't been written and my brain really wasn't playing ball. Sorry for any typos, It's currently 2 am here and I've literally just finished writing and quickly editing it lol

In the name of our Lord and Saviour, Simon Riley, I beseech you to strike the writer curse from my weary body and allow me to continue feeding my hungry children with Ghostly content.

The last wisps of sleep were still clinging onto Charlotte’s consciousness when she felt her bed dip and the covers rustle and move. Her eyes blinked open slowly, her brain trying to comprehend the shit show that had become her life. For a brief moment, she thought she was back home, dying under the weight of grief and raising a child alone. But then she realised this wasn't her bed, these weren’t her bedroom walls and her husband wasn't dead. She still felt that grief though, it wouldn't shake even if he was breathing and now she had a heaping scoop of betrayal to go along with it. She rolled over to the source of what woke her up to see Beth beside her, giving her a cheeky smile.

“Good morning, mummy,” she murmured tiredly, scooting closer and wrapping herself around Charlotte like a snake. It made all of her tension seep from her body, even if only for a moment. She loved these moments in the morning with her daughter. They made her feel like she was glued back together briefly. 

“Good morning, pickle,” she smiled softly and Beth made a disgruntled noise like she always did at the nickname. They didn't need words as they cuddled together as they both woke up and Charlotte tried to will some backbone to leave the room at some point. 

They’d need breakfast and she hoped Simon wouldn't be in the mess hall. She wasn't sure how Beth was supposed to bond with him when she wanted him nowhere near her. She knew she needed to suck it up for Beth’s sake and Simon was lucky she’d do anything for their daughter. 

“Did you have a good sleep?” Charlotte asked, her fingers stroking through Beth’s unruly curls. The girl shot her a bright smile with a nod.

“I did. I’m excited to go and see daddy at breakfast! Can we go yet?” she asked eagerly and Charlotte tried to stop her stomach from tying itself in knots. 

“Let's get dressed then,” she flashed her best fake smile and Beth giggled, rushing to get out of bed as Lottie sat up and rubbed her eyes.

“Can we match, mummy?” Beth asked hopefully and Charlotte nodded.

“You pick what you want us to wear,” she instructed, watching with a fond smile as Beth rummaged around in the bag, pulling some things out and leaving them strewn about the place. 

She picked out two matching hoodies that had Placebo across the chest. Hers was real merch but they didn't make kids stuff so she’d wound up using fabric paint to replicate it on a kids hoodie. She picked out black leggings to match too. They both got dressed in their matching attire, boots to finish off the look and Charlotte really didn't feel like making much of an effort with her hair with how she was feeling so she threw it up into a high pony. Naturally, Beth gave her a look and was only placated once she also had a high ponytail that looked nothing like Charlotte with her blonde curls.

If she thought she felt nauseous on the way to the mess hall, it was nothing compared to how she felt when they strolled in, hand in hand. It felt like everyone’s eyes turned to the two civilians on base and she knew she wasn't imagining how they all murmured to each other. Maybe word travelled fast. 

One pair of eyes in particular felt like they burned her right down to her bones and she glanced over to the table housing the 141, seeing those deep brown hues staring right at her. She felt like the wind had been knocked out of her and she looked away quickly, ushering Beth to the food. She grabbed two trays, feeling guilty that Beth was babbling about something but she was struggling to pay attention. She scooped some scrambled eggs onto the plates and some bacon. She was just scooping some beans too when someone approached. 

“Well then, who’s this wee pretty lass?” 

Charlotte turned to see Johnny standing there, a smile that she could only compare to sunshine on a rainy day as he peered down at Beth. she clung to Mr Snuffles tightly, blinking up at the man.

“I’m Beth,” she answered sweetly and Charlotte watched as Johnny crouched to be closer to her height.

“What a beautiful name,” he grinned and Beth beamed at him.

“What's your name?” she asked curiously.

“I’m Johnny but people call me Soap,” he answered and Beth giggled.

“That's a silly name!” 

Johnny snorted with a nod.

“Aye, it is, but it's mine and I love it. We need to get you a call sign, aye?” he asked and Beth toddled closer to him, eyes wide as she nodded.

“Yes please, Mr Soap,” she clapped her hands excitedly and Charlotte didn't miss how she was drawing attention. 

“Alright., let’s think…” Johnny rubbed his chin, making a show of thinking and it made Beth giggle again.

“Do ye have a nickname already? We could use that,” he suggested and Beth pulled a face.

“Mummy calls me pickle sometimes,” she muttered gloomily and Johnny chuckled.

“Nah, we don't want a name like pickle, do we?” he asked her, pulling the same face she had and it made her laugh.

“What kinda things do ye like?” he asked her thoughtfully and Beth’s face lit up.

“I like Halloween and spooky things. Ghosts, skellingtons and pumpkins. I like monsters,” she made fake claws with her hands and growled at him. 

Being the good sport he was, Johnny yelped dramatically, falling on his ass and Charlotte couldn't help the grin on her face as she watched the pair, Beth laughing brightly at him. She was quickly warming up to the man. 

“I have the perfect name for ye, and it kinda goes with yer daddy’s” he announced, looking pleased with himself and Beth was practically bouncing on the spot.

“What is it?” she asked eagerly.

“Spook,” he declared with a flourish and Beth’s eyes were almost sparkling. 

“I love it!” she beamed, dancing about a little, the bunny in her hands getting thrown about in the process.

“Awesome!” Johnny grinned, holding his hand up to her and she slapped him a high-five harder than he expected if his wince was anything to go by. 

He stood back up, a slight groan leaving his lips as he back popped. 

“Now that's settled, let's eat, aye?” he smiled, turning to look at Charlotte as he gave her a warm grin that had her smiling back at him.

“Alright?” he asked her and she nodded, feeling somewhat better by his soothing presence. He seemed happy with her answer, clapping her gently on the back before he swiped Beth’s tray so Charlotte didn't have to carry two. 

Beth was happily chatting to him as the three of them made their way over to the table. Price was at the head of the table to the right, the bench along the back housing a man she didn't know with a cap on his head and a calming smile aimed at her. She smiled back nervously and looked away, her hands tightening over the tray. There was an empty spot beside the man and Johnny plonked into it, not before putting Beth's tray on the other side of the bench which was empty. On the head of the table to the left was Simon, whose eyes were glued to her. Beth’s tray was placed beside him and that left the spot between Beth and Price open for her. 

She noticed two of the men who were there at her outburst the day before weren't here but she was glad. It was bad enough being around just this small group, especially because she’d spilled her heart out in front of them. Worst of all was Simon though and the only respite she got from his burning gaze was when Beth climbed up on the bench, having to sit on her knees to reach her tray as she beamed a blinding grin at him and his eyes now went to his daughter.

“Good morning, daddy,” she smiled up at him. Charlotte wished to tear her eyes away and yet she couldn't, seeing his dark eyes peering out of his mask at Beth, all soft and gooey. It was the same look she had herself when her daughter was being sweet. 

“Mornin’, lovie,” he murmured quietly and Charlotte swallowed thickly. 

“So! Introductions since this spooky bastard won’t be makin’ ‘em,” Johnny started with a smirk and Beth gasped, slapping one hand over her mouth, the other pointing accusingly at the Scot, making him go silent.

“You swore!” she exclaimed and the whole table went quiet as they watched her. Charlotte bit her lip to stifle a laugh as Johnny blinked at her for a moment before he let out a laugh.

“Aye, I did, I’m sorry, lass,” he murmured with a grin and Beth raised a sassy brow at him.

“You owe me a pound now,” she held her hand out expectantly and Charlotte watched the Scot look to the girl's hand before back at her face.

“I owe ye?” he asked slowly and Beth nodded.

“We have a swear jar and every time mummy swears she puts a pound in and then I get to spend it,” she flashed her teeth in a toothy grin and Johnny’s lips quirked upwards as he glanced to Charlotte and then back to Beth.

“Well, I don’t have a quid on me right now, but I’ll owe ye one, aye?” he asked and Beth sighed with a nod.

“So, ye already know the Captain and this creepy fu- fool…” he trailed off after curtly cutting his words so he didn't owe even more money to the mini Riley. He slapped Simon on the shoulder and Lottie watched carefully as his dark eyes slid to Johnny, mild amusement and annoyance shining behind them. But when those eyes slid back to her, she felt like a lightning bolt struck her right in the chest and she looked away quickly, picking at her eggs. 

“This one is Kyle Garrick, also known as Gaz,” Johnny finished as he gestured to the only man on the table she hadn’t met yet.

“Nice to meet you Mr Gaz,” Beth smiled sweetly at him. The man smiled, a soft look on his face.

“Nice to meet you too,” he replied politely, his eyes turning to Charlotte then.

“You too, Mrs Riley,” he smiled and her hand tightened around her fork.

“Charlotte’s fine,” she muttered tensely and she could practically feel Simon’s eyes burning into her.

“And all you fuc- idiots know Charlotte and Beth, now also known as Spook,” Johnny gestured to the little girl with a flourish and she grinned, making a spooky noise while she wiggled her fingers.

“You gave her a callsign?” Simon asked and Charlotte couldn't decipher his tone. It was so detached, different to what she was used to with him.

“Course I did. She loves spooky shi- stuff, so it felt right. You like it, aye, Spook?” he asked her and she giggled, nodding her head.

“I love it,” she answered happily before she turned her deep brown eyes to her father.

“Do you like it, daddy?” she asked, her eyes hopeful and wide as she stared at him. He just watched her for a moment and Lottie was starting to think he wouldn't answer her.

“I do. Suits you,” he answered, reaching out slowly and stroking her head softly. Her smile widened as she leaned into his touch and Charlotte felt a burning in her chest. 

“We need a call sign for Charlotte then,” Gaz commented, a thoughtful look on his face.

“Grim,” Simon answered before anyone could suggest a thing. Had he shot her in the chest? It felt like it. So many memories flooded her system, memories of a happier time, of a time where he hadn’t betrayed her trust, hadn’t lied to her, hadn’t hurt her. 

“Aye, that's good. Ghost, Spook and Grim, a proper family,” Johnny snorted gleefully

“What can I say? I like a good theme,” Simon answered dryly but she heard the amusement and it sparked an annoyance in her. 

Five years he’d been gone, five years he’d fucked off, only to live in their old base. Was he here every day eating with his friends and cracking jokes like she wasn't at home raising a child alone and drowning in grief? Did he really care that little that he hadn't even checked in with her once? Didn't have anyone look into where she might be, what she was doing? Would he have even bothered to come back if he knew Beth existed? Would he have come back for her? Did he like it here without her? 

She pushed her tray away from her, a vile feeling creeping into her chest like an infection that was spewing puss. She didn't want to be here.

“Mummy, your breakfast,” Beth murmured, looking up at her carefully.

“I’m not hungry anymore, sweetie,” she replied but her voice felt far away, floating out of reach. 

It felt like her eyes weren't seeing, she couldn't get out of her own head. She suddenly felt warm leather on her cheek and with a start, she realised Simon had reached over Beth to cup her cheek, turning her to look at him with pure worry in his gaze. She jerked her head from his grasp like he’d burned her and his arm dropped back down. She didn't miss the pure anguish in his eyes. She needed to get out of here, she couldn't break down in front of everyone, not in front of Beth.

“How about I give ye that tour we were talkin’ about?” Johnny asked her with a grin but there was something on his face that touched her, soothed her spiralling. He’d never offered her a tour, he was giving her an out and in that moment, she knew Johnny meant his promise from the night before. 

“Sounds good,” she forced a smile and Beth grasped her arm.

“Mummy… could I stay here with daddy?” she asked with a smile and Lottie hated the pain that lanced through her chest. 

It shouldn't hurt her that she wanted to spend time with her dad, she’d only just met him and they had a lot of lost time to make up for. Yet she couldn't help the burning jealousy that hit her out of nowhere. He hadn't been here, it wasn't fair that he got to covet her and she got left in the dust.

“That's fine,” she answered, trying her best to keep herself in check until she left. She stood up quickly, not looking at anyone and not really bothering to think about manners to the other men at the table as she rushed out of the mess hall and outside. 

Johnny was right behind her, hand on her back as he led her to a bench. She crumbled onto it, resting her face in her hands. She didn't want to cry, not again. She was sick of it. She wished she could just pretend it didn't bother her what he did. That she could just be happy he was here, happy he was alive. She couldn't shake the feeling of abandonment though. That the one person who swore he’d never do that to her had done it without care. It hurt so much that she felt she might die.

“It's alright, love,” Johnny murmured sympathetically as he rubbed her back. 

“I just… he’s been here this whole time while I’ve been suffering ,” she lamented, feeling like her sanity was slipping through her fingers. 

“I know… I know, lass. I wish I had the words to make this all better. Ye didn’t deserve to go through all this,” he sighed sadly, his hand still rubbing her back. Silence settled over them for a moment as she fought the deep urge to cry, sitting there staring out at nothing as she wondered how it all came to this.

“Ye wanna blow some shit up?” Johnny asked out of the blue. Her eyes darted to him, wondering if he actually meant what he said and he gave her a roguish grin that told her he did indeed mean it.

“Okay,” she nodded with a sniffle. Johnny’s grin widened, a gleeful laugh leaving his lips as he jumped from the bench, grabbing her hand and yanking her with him. He all but dragged her through the base to get to the demolitions section where training was held. 

Ghost sat stiffly, watching as Charlotte rushed from the mess hall, his best mate in tow like a little puppy at her feet. He couldn’t get that haunted look she had out of his fucking head. She looked so lost, adrift at sea with no anchor to tether her to the world. He’d been that anchor once and now he was the cause of her spiralling. He’d wanted to be her anchor again and his touch had brought her back, but it wasn't the reaction he was hoping for. 

Having her pull away from him like that was more painful than the gunshot wound to his collarbone last year. The fleeting contact he’d had with her filled his dead heart up with so much warmth before it was snuffed out like it was never there to begin with and he cursed himself for wearing his fucking gloves. He just wanted to be okay with her again, wanted her to accept his touch, wanted to fall into her arms and have her make everything okay again. 

It wasn't okay though, it hadn't been for a while and this was his doing. He wasn't sure he’d ever be able to fix it and having Johnny be the one glued to her side was like salt in his wounds. He knew it was a good thing, Johnny would try and get her back on his side like the good best mate he was, yet it still stung. Hurt like a bitch when he saw her embracing Johnny while she refused his touch so viciously. How easy she’d fallen into Johnny’s arms, how desperate for comfort she was. It hurt. It really fucking hurt . 

He was brought out of his depressing musings by a tug on his hoodie and he glanced down, remembering the little girl sat next to him. Her brown eyes were blinking up at him carefully, tilting her head like she was sizing him up. She was so beautiful.

“Daddy?” she asked him, her voice soft and sweet, wrapping him up like a warm blanket.

“Yeah, lovie?” he asked quietly. It was like no one else existed in that moment but her. She nibbled her lower lip as she shifted where she sat for a moment, looking deep in thought. 

“Can we do something?” She gave him a hopeful smile and despite looking so much like him, he saw Lottie in that smile and he wasn't sure if that eased the ache in his heart or made it worse. 

“What do you wanna do?” he asked, unsure what four year olds liked to do and even if that was possible on a military base. Her eyes seemed to light up as she flashed him a bright grin.

“I know!” she shuffled off her seat, moving to stand as she grabbed his hand and tugged on it impatiently. He stood, seeming to tower over her and she refused to let go of his hand as she started pulling him along. He couldn't hear Gaz’s witty remark but he heard Price chuckle at them both as he left. 

He allowed her to lead him until they got outside and she kept pulling him until they moved over to the patch of grass that ran along the gates near the car park. She let go of his hand and he watched curiously as she plonked herself down without a care. She looked up at him expectantly and his lips tugged up slightly as he moved to sit on the grass with her. 

“Daisies are really pretty,” she murmured happily as she started picking them. He’d never really noticed them before but now she’d drawn attention to them, he noticed they were scattered all over the grass. 

He had no idea what to say, couldn't remember how to act around kids, it had been far too long. Part of his brain tried to remember how he’d interacted with Joseph but that was far too painful and he shoved it away quickly. He wanted to bond with her but he really had no clue how, so he just watched her. 

She picked a bunch of daisies, her tongue poking out of her mouth a little in pure concentration as she started fiddling with them. He couldn't really tell what she was doing with them but after a few moments, she grinned triumphantly and put a flower crown on her head.

“What do you think, daddy?” she asked him sweetly and he melted into a puddle looking at her. The sun shone down on her and he wondered for a moment if he was dead and she was in fact an angel. 

“Perfect, love,” he murmured, his throat feeling tight and uncomfortable and he had to clear his throat to ease the sensation. 

Her smile widened even more and his chest felt like it was expanding. She picked a bunch more and he was helpless, could do little else but watch this little part of himself as she busied herself with the flowers. He still hadn’t fully wrapped his head around the fact he was a father now. 

He’d been so ready for it back then, when he’d left for the last time. He’d been so excited to get back to Lottie and start a family. He’d been excited to watch the bump grow, to watch Charlotte glow as she carried their baby, looked forward to the scans and all the milestones. Looked forward to holding a tiny bundle of his own, much like he had when Joseph was born. 

He didn't have any of that though and it was all his own fault. He’d missed out on the most precious moments of Beth’s life because he was a coward. He’d never be able to get those moments back, he couldn't undo what he’d done. Knowing all the things he’d missed made him wish he had died back in Mexico. It would be a relief from feeling what he was currently feeling. 

He flinched with a blink when something touched him, rousing him from his thoughts. Beth was standing in front of him now, a cheeky grin on her face as she put a crown of his own on his head over his balaclava. He felt a rush of warmth flowing through him and he really didn't give a toss who saw him wearing it. She’d made him something and he wished he could keep it forever, wished it wouldn’t wilt away. 

“Thank you, sweetheart,” he smiled softly even though she couldn't see it. It was like she could sense it or maybe she was perceptive for her age and picked up on the scrunching of his eyes because she beamed at him, such a radiant smile he wanted to burn to a crisp from it. 

“You're welcome,” she smiled, kissing his cheek over his mask before she moved away. 

He was overwhelmed, too many thoughts and feelings running rampant in him and he wasn’t sure how to deal with it. An explosion across base felt like it shook the floor and Beth jumped up, a worried look on her face that had a protective streak surge through him. He steadied her with his hands and she settled closer to him, plopping into his lap as if she’d done it a million times before.

“What was that?” she asked with big eyes, looking towards where the noise came from.

“It's just the demo practice. Its where they learn about bombs and things,” he explained, hoping to ease her worries. It seemed to work as she relaxed into him more. 

“So, it's not bad?” she asked him, blinking her pretty eyes at him.

“It's not bad. You don't have to worry, lovie, I won’t let anythin’ bad happen to you,” he meant those words wholeheartedly. He’d burn the entire world down with everyone on it to keep her safe. 

Another explosion happened and this time Beth seemed fine, pressed into his chest as she sat on his knee. While he wasn't worried as the noises were coming from the demo area, he was sure there weren't any classes or training today. It wasn't uncommon for Johnny to go and play around a bit, the only one to get away with it as the demolitions expert and being one of the 141. Was Lottie with him? Was it them making all this racket?

His eyes drifted back to Beth then, happily sitting on him with their matching flower crowns. He wanted to know more about her, all the things he’d already know if he’d have been around. 

“You wanna play a game?” he asked her and she grinned up at him.

“What kinda game?” she asked him excitedly. 

“We ask each other questions to find out more about each other,” he suggested and there was a mischievous twinkle in her brown eyes. 

“I already know everything about you. Mummy told me,” she beamed, sounding more than proud of herself. He felt like someone just gutted him, sliced him right open and let his insides splat onto the floor. He pushed it away though and tried to ignore it. Of course Lottie told her everything. 

“How about you tell me stuff about you, then?” he asked her hopefully and she clapped her hands excitedly. 

“My full name is Elizabeth Anne Riley,” she started. No, he hadn't been gutted before, he was now though. The pain that ricocheted through him tore through skin, muscle and bone. He bit down on his lower lip hard behind his mask, drawing blood. The sensation grounded him though as he nodded, trying not to look too upset. 

“That's a lovely name,” he muttered, voice strained and choked. Her smile turned softer then, blinking up at him and she leaned into him more.

“It's a special name. Mummy told me I was named after special people,” she murmured. His chest felt so tight that he felt like he couldn't breathe. Without thinking about it, a hand came to stroke her hair and he found the feeling soothing to him, easing that ravaging ache in his chest. 

“I’m four but I’m five in two weeks,” she held her hand out, wiggling her fingers at him to demonstrate her point and he felt his lips tug up a little at her excitement. 

“My favourite colour is…” she trailed off, tilting her head with that thoughtful look on her face again. “Black. I like black ‘cause it's all spooky,” she flashed him a toothy grin and he melted once again. 

“Mummy’s sketty is my favourite meal but I also love when she does eggy bread on my birthday,” she beamed up at him and he swallowed thickly, still stroking her hair as he nodded.

“They’re my favourites too,” he replied hoarsely and she gave him a cheeky look.

“I know,” she giggled and he made him smile. 

Without warning, she hopped off his lap, his hand suddenly cold now it was no longer stroking her hair but she flopped down next to him, laying down and making her crown fall a little onto the grass.

“Lay down,” little one was bossy and he knew he had no choice so he obeyed. He held onto his flower crown as he shuffled around before laying on his back beside her. He moved his hand back to his side even though he was sure the crown had slipped off into the grass anyway,

“Do you like clouds, daddy?” she asked him softly. He turned his head to look at her and she was laying there, staring at the sky. 

“Never really thought about it,” he replied honestly. She turned to look at him then, scrunching her face up with the most judgmental look he’d ever been given.

“Look at the clouds. Sometimes they look like things,” she murmured.

“I’ve seen that sometimes. Once I saw a cloud that looked like a co-... clock,” he muttered, shaking his head as he changed his words. Wouldn’t bode well for him as his first day being a dad coming out with that. 

He still remembered that day though, in the sweltering heat of Al Mazra in the middle of a mission. Wasn’t every day you see a cloud shaped like a fucking dick in the sky and he’d have thought he was hallucinating due to the heat if it wasn’t for Johnny seeing it too. The Scot had said it was the best thing he’d ever witnessed in his entire life. When Soap had got Price to look, the shape had changed and the old man was sure they were off their rockers. 

“Look at that one, it kinda looks like a bird doing this,” she pointed at a big cloud before she started flapping her arms around weirdly and he shook his head fondly before he looked back up at the clouds. He just watched them go by for a moment, enjoying the peace he felt. Something he wasn't sure he’d felt in a long while.

“That one kinda looks like a bum,” he murmured, pointing to a cloud.

“Daddy!” Beth burst out laughing, smacking his arm and he found himself laughing. Actually genuinely laughing and not the half arsed chuckled Johnny would draw out of him with a bad joke. It was an odd feeling to laugh like that, he was sure he hadn't done it since before he’d left for that mission, the one that ruined his life. It made him feel lighter.

“You can’t tell me it doesn't,” he huffed playfully and she laughed again.

“... It does, but you're still silly,” she snorted, making his whole body light up. 

She was so precious and he wasn't sure just how to handle it. He was sad things with Charlotte were so bad and he didn't want to think about how the hell he was supposed to fix that mess, but being able to spend time with Beth and bond with her meant the world to him. He could focus on Beth for now, one thing at a time. He’d build his family back up from the ground, brick by brick. He’d done it before, back with his brother and his mum and he could do it again. It’d be painful and probably take a while but he wouldn't waver, wouldn't give up. Not when he had the whole world in the palm of his hand. He couldn't give that up for anything.