#i will have my heart ripped out of my chest and im not mentally stable enough for this man

[adharastarlight]

realising its almost october which is great because spooky season but also im a marauders fan.

[shadyteacup]

HELLO..... i am absolutely going crazy at new aku content cuz there's barely any new contnt for him SO IM HERE.... to ask for more 🕵️🕵️🕵️if thats ok UEVDJF. can i msybe ask.... established relationship late night date.... a walk in the park.... or idk maybe some domestic stuff... or protective aku... THE POSSIBILITIES R ENDLESS 🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️its ur choice BUT maybe... protective boyfie aku... me thinks very romantic SJDBF SORRY THIS ASK MSKES NO SENSE BUT THANKS FOR READING AND FOR FEEDING THE AKU NATION UR WRITINGS A BOP ❤️❤️🌷

Hiyaa! I made this around the idea of protective Aku. I hope u like it! I wanted to make it special and a little 👄spicy👄 for u.. sorry if it took too long!

Akutagawa Ryunosuke x gn! Reader|| Warnings: Slight nsfw(kissing), one swear word(I think)|| word count: 627.

My Eyes Only

"Ryu, what do you think?"

You stood in front of the mirror, turning from time to time to examine your outfit. Akutagawa was on a chair outside your room. You had invited him to sit inside, but he was too shy.

On hearing your words, he got up and peeped inside.

"You can come in, dumbass. You act as if you haven't seen me naked before."

He blushes at your words and coughs.

"Shut up."

Finally entering the room, he spots you by the mirror and freezes in his place.

You felt nervous. Did he not like it? Did you look stupid in it?

"Is this.. do I .. I look stupid, don't I."

You stated with a sigh.

He shook his head and walked over to you, grabbing your shoulders.

You looked up at him, confusion written all over your face.

Suddenly, he bent down to kiss you. You immediately reacted, tracing your palms along his chest to finally unite behind his neck. His hand gripped your waist, pulling you closer. You both were chest to chest, with absolutely zero space in between. His other hand snaked behind your neck to your head. He pulled your face even closer to deepen the kiss. It was all too much. You were lost in the sensations of his teeth, his tongue, but mostly his knee that forced its way between your legs. You mentally  applauded your knees for staying stable for so long. Given the intensity of this kiss, you had expected them to be mush by now.

Pulling back for air, the two of you gazed into each other's eyes. Your breaths fanned on each other, foreheads touching.

"W-what.. was that for?"

You asked, so turned on and out of breath.

"You look fucking gorgeous in this outfit. I can't help but want to tear if off of you."

You gasped. Your cheeks turned redder, if that's even possible, and your body agreed with him. Your body wanted him to rip all clothing off.

"We can't do that right now. We have to go out!"

Akutagawa grunts in response, too busy checking you out.

"Who cares, Y/N."

True, who gives a shit. But you were going out with Gin, and you both had been planning this for way too long to just abandon it.

"I can't not go."

He sighed.

"Whatever. Just don't wear that."

You were dumbstruck.

"I thought you liked it?"

He pushed you off gently, then made his way out the door. He stopped at the doorway to look back at you.

"If I wanted to rip it off, imagine what others would want to do."

You raised a brow.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He sighed, giving you a look.

"I can't control myself when I see you in that. And I get to have you everyday. Imagine what those starved souls would do when they see you like this. I'll have to sever their heads off to stop them from drooling."

He turned around and walked out the door, shutting it partially.

"I don't want to kill anyone, because I made a stupid promise to that Jinko. But if anyone even looks at you weirdly, I wouldn't think twice before pulling their intestines out."

You winced at his graphic words.

"Change into something else. Please don't make me break my promise."

You knew he was violent, but he did it for you. Your heart was thumping at a 1000 kmph, and you couldn't help but want to take him right there.

"Okay. Whatever you say, daddy."

His ears perked up at that.

"Don't."

You giggled, knowing full well what effect your little slip up had had on him.

It was going to be a long night for you two when you returned.

[naveenscrackwhore]

Crumbling Down

Summary: All around the hospital rumors are being spread of how an Attending and Resident are in a relationship. Those rumors happen to be about Ethan Ramsey and Cecily Aldaine. What does this mean for the two of them? What will happen to them? 

word count: 2014

A/N: hi! im sorta new to writing but ive been inspired by so many amazing writers to write this. i hope you all enjoy this! it took me a bit to get the confidence to post but should i make this a series? tell me in the comments below :)

Cecily blankly stared at her trembling hands, attempting to concentrate on Ethan’s voice. She could barely hear him though, no matter how hard she tried to focus. Soon, all she could hear was her own blood chaotically rushing all throughout her body and the sharp throbbing pain of her head. Her eyes became cloudy and her vision foggy. She felt her lips tremble along with her short legs. She became weaker and weaker by the moment, any moment now her legs will give up and she’d collapse to the floor with a thud. Cecily continued to breathe in and out. Shutting her eyes close, she counted with the beating of her heart. She sucked in a deep breath and exhaled out. One. She repeated it, her hands slowly started to shake less. Two. Again, she sucked in another breath and held it for a few moments before forcing it all out and quickly opened her eyes. Three. Cecily was finally back in reality. 

She snapped her gaze back at Ethan, his tan, veiny hands grasped onto his brunette and faint grey streaked hair, his grip hard enough to rip out chunks of it. A nervous and frustrated habit of his. She observed the way his brows furrowed and two straight lines formed on top of it. His sky blue eyes shut tightly as he spoke frantically. Cecily could also notice the slight wrinkles forming at the corners. Her eyes followed his long leg when he continued to pace around the room, another nervous habit of his. Words were rushing out of his mouth and his voice was growing louder and louder,- a part of her was pretty sure, the whole hospital heard them. He opened his light blue eyes and their eyes met. His eyes boring into her deep green ones. It felt as if he was staring right through her skull, invading her privacy and seeing all of her secrets. Sometimes, she thought of him as a parasite or a disease manifesting through her. But that's not very romantic.

She felt something boil and rise in her. Cecily was always a friendly, nice person and she rarely was confrontational. Sure, she might be outgoing and ‘outrageously,’ enthusiastic and energetic most of the time. The woman always tried her best to never confront anyone unless she was extremely angry at them for a valid reason. She always hated arguments but she’s recently found herself to be in a lot more since she started her career at Edenbrook. Breaking out of her thoughts and her murderous glares, she stomped towards him and halted right in front of Ethan. 

“Ethan, I don’t care about my career as much as I care about you!” Cecily passionately argued back at him, her fight or flight mode switching on. She was now close to him, her fingers aggressively poked at his chest as she looked up at him. “You never ask me what I want! This is exactly what happened last year in Miami! You always tell me how I should feel and ignore my feelings! You’re literally impossible!” 

She huffed at her swooped bangs and stared him down. Raking her hand through her long blonde locks, she gave in. With a long sigh, Cecily's body lightly pressed against his as she  cupped one side of his face with her hand while the other tucked the loose curl behind his ear. “I- I care about you Ethan more than you can ever imagine. I don’t care where I am at in five years if you’re not there with me.” 

Ethan’s hands settled on the curve of her small back, supporting her from falling. They stared into each other's eye longingly as Ethan took a few moments to process what she said. He hesitantly leaned down as she stepped on her tippy toes, her freckled nose bumping with his.. Neither broke eye contact as their lips ever-so slightly brushed against each other. But before Cecily could even press her lips harder against his, Ethan pulled away and turned so she couldn’t see him drag his hand up his face.

“Ethan?” Cecily stepped closer to him, her hand gently touching his shoulder.” Are you oka-.” 

The moment didn’t last long as Ethan whipped himself to face her, lightly smacking her hand away from him. She stared at him, her mouth slightly open and her eyes slightly more big. He drew in a breath as he growled, “Dr. Aldaine, I care about my career much more than I’ll ever care about you.”

Cecily paled, she didn’t move, she almost was frozen. She felt her mouth become and her hands became unsteady again. Her sea green eyes moved away from him as she glanced at his desk. Her heart dropped low to her stomach and it felt like she couldn’t breathe, again. She rested her hands on her neck as she anxiously rubbed it. Tears were threatening to spill but she resisted the sensation that eventually would take over. After what felt like an eternity, she tumbled through her words, “Oh, um.. Sick. Right, okay.”

“I’ll be on my way, I have to get some scans for my patient. Goodbye, Doctor. Ramsey.” She cleared her throat and made finger guns towards the door. She quickly darted out of his office and away from his sight. Her throat soon closed again andher walls crumbled down. 

Cecily quickly turned the knob of the supply closet and collapsed. Her hands gripped onto the cracked walls and her nails scraped some of the paint off of it as she glanced up at the ceiling. Trying to keep the tears a float, she refused to cry,- at least not over him. She was breathing ragged, her arms moved to her chest and she clutched tightly on herself, attempting to hug herself. 

‘It hurts so much.’ she thought, ‘why does it hurt so-.’

The door swung open and Bryce stood in front of it concerned. His brown eyes scanned her, trying to comprehend why she was on the edge of a mental breakdown. He stood still for a while, not completely sure of what to do with Cecily. Bryce couldn’t recall if he ever saw her cry this much. The moment, they made eye contact. She rubbed her nose with the sleeve of her lab coat and sniffled.

“Bryce, don’t just stand there! Get in or get out!” she cried, throwing an ivy bag at him. 

Bryce gave her a sad smile, remembering their first day at Edenbrook. She said that exact same thing to him as she did a year ago. He silently closed the door with a click as he slowly walked towards her, sliding down the wall. His long, toned arm wrapped around her shoulder, pulling her closer to him. He rested his chin on Cecily’s head, keeping her close and tight. He rubbed soothing, circular motions around her back, whispering reassuring words in her ear. 

After a few minutes of her hyperventilating, she was finally stable and not crying. All he could hear was small sniffles and breathing steading. His arms still had her in a cocoon, protecting her with all he had. Bryce hated to see Cecily cry. They’ve been best friends since last year and were completely inseparable. They relied on one another, a lot. And when one was upset or in pain the other was there for them. He always joked that the best should always stick together but he really meant it, in some egotistical, cocky way. Bryce swears on his looks that he’d always be there for her, no matter what. 

Bryce’s fingers nimbly turned her head to face him, his thumb pressed softly against her chin. His eyes softened even more as he could see her nose was pinker than Azaleas. He comfortingly asked what happened to make her cry so much. 

Almost immediately, her chin started to wobble and her eyes began to water again. Cecily bit her lip, hard, trying to stop her cries but it failed, miserably. A metallic taste lingered on her tongue as she shoved her head into his chest. Through incoherent sobs, she cried, “I- I don’t wanna talk about it.” 

He massaged her shoulders and he pressed a tender kiss to her forehead, “Okay, we don’t have to, if you don’t want to.” 

They stayed like that for a long time before Bryce finally stood up and offered her a hand. Cecily hesitantly took it, letting him pull her off her feet. A small giggle left her lips as she crashed into him. He laughed along with her, too. They quietly walked out of the supply closet, not bothered by the stares of their coworkers. At least, Bryce wasn’t. Cecily was though. She felt a burning sensation through her head, she knew whose eyes were on her and she felt dirty and ashamed. Cecily felt her cheeks flush a bright red as she attempted to concentrate on Bryce.

“Hey, at least, you don’t have make up on today.” he gave her a grin, “Right?” 

Cecily snorted dryly, “Yeah, I guess so.” She bit her lip, lightly before hugging him again. Resting, her head on his chest, her small arms wrapped around his torso. 

“You’re welcome, Barbie.” Bryce cockily mocked before winking at her, before strutting off to the surgical floor. 

“Whatever Ken!” she called out after him, walking towards the nurses station, picking up one of her patient’s charts and continuing the rest of her long shift. 

After the long hours of skillfully diagnosing and discharging patients,- and maybe avoiding a certain attending,- her day was finally over. Cecily could go home and sulk whilst eating a tub of strawberry ice cream or she can get drunk at Donahues. The ideas both seemed to fit well with her if she was being honest but she already made plans with the others for Donahues. She slipped on a pair of light blue sweats and a white crop. Staring at the mirror, she pulled her matching bandana and swiftly pulled her out of her face and poked at strands to frame her features. Cecily gnawed at her bottom lips as she remembered the occurring events with Ethan with a shake of her head and a sigh, she stumbled out of the changing room, shoving her professional clothes and heels in her locker. Frankly, she didn’t feel like bringing them home, she was just lazy. 

Sienna awaited near the entrance along with Jackie, Bryce and Elijah. All talking amongst themselves excitedly and were full of banter. Bryce and Jackie continued making witty comments at each other as Sienna and Elijah spoke of their interns, Sothy and Mitch. Cecily finally met up with them. She shared a bright, teasing smile and placed her small, pale hand on her hip. “Ready to start drinking lightweights or are you not up for it?” 

“That’s some big talk coming from a moppy drunk who can barely handle two shots of tequila,” Jackie quipped back at Cecily, her leathered arm swung over Cecily’s shoulder. Her big brown eyes sparked with a flare, the usual teasing flare, Jackie always had. She smirked, pridefully at her as Cecily shooed her away and elbows her side. 

“Leave her alone, Jackie,” Elijah grinned, “Cecily’s only 24, there’s a lot of time for her to become and train for drinking.” 

“I-,” Cecily groaned, she stared at the high ceiling, covering her face with her arms, “ Ugh! It was one time! And,- and I already had half a bottle of scotch! You can’t blame me!” 

The pair of residents strolled out of Edenbrook with lopsided grins. Screams of boisterous laughter and just yelling,- in general came from their direction. All of them butting heads and sizing the other one up. They staggered into each other, resulting in Bryce to fall flat on his behind which made Jackie make a remark and the others snickering. The five of them finally were there and were ready to venture into Donahues and forget anything that happened today with burning, refreshing liquid. 

hope you enjoyed! would anyone want me to make a taglist?

[benhardyisdaddy]

What A Time - Part 3

MASTERLIST

(HELLO AGAIN so once again this gif isn’t ben!roger BUT its what i expect him to look like @ the end of the chap and you’ll know what i mean ooOooO im so bad @ finding gifs, ugh help ya girl out lmao ANYWAYS i hope u enjoy it oK BYEEE)

Word Count: 1,681

“I wasn’t paying attention! I didn’t realize it turned red!”

Pain. That’s all you felt. Searing, agonizing pain that ripped through your whole body and you couldn’t even scream. You couldn’t move at all actually. You just wanted to open your eyes, but you can’t. Were you still upside down in the car? You felt your body lifted onto a stretcher. That answered your question. All of a sudden darkness. You must’ve passed out. You come to again and hear voices all around you. The ambulance siren was blaring as you fluttered your eyes.

“NKDA.” someone yells out.

“I need O2!”

“On it!”

You suddenly feel like you can’t catch your breath. Your chest aches and you feel your body start to spazz. You gasp for air and suddenly, darkness.

“Code 99!” someone screams.

“Alright, I need the defib, stat!”

You’re not sure how long you were out for. It felt like years. But you knew you were dying.

“Was it a DUI?” someone yells out.

“No! Just an idiot!”

“Defib is on! 200 volts! Alright, clear!”

They shock your heart and your body jerks up. The EMT’s look at your heart monitor and the once persistent waves were now falling into a straight line. The man looks down at you and frowns before holding the devices back in his hands.

“Again! 300 volts, clear!”

You jerk up once more and they wait to see if there’s any change to the heart monitor. Nothing. You were flat lining. The man lets out a loud frustrated yell and once again looks to you.

“Once more! 500 volts, clear!”

You jerk up more and a sudden spike in the heart monitor makes them all release a breath they were holding. Your heart is beating again. The man looks to you and smiles, watching as your chest begins to rise up and down slowly. You’re breathing. He squats down next to you and whispers in your ear.

“Don’t you die on me.”

_______________________________

BEEP BEEP BEEP

You take in a deep breath and wince in pain. Every inch if your body hurts. You felt like you had been hit by a… Oh. You had been. You attempt to open your eyes, but they fall close again. They were heavy and tired. You slightly move your arm and stop. You open your eyes once more and are able to look in front of you for a split second. You know you’re at the hospital. An oxygen mask is slipped over your face and you can feel your chest and body covered with wires and bandages. Everything that had happened came flooding back to you. The cafe, the phone call and the truck that slammed into you. A wave of nausea hits you at that memory. All you could think of was how terrified you were. How badly you wanted to scream out for someone to help you, but you couldn’t.  

The annoying beep of machines surrounding you was like a screech in your ear. It made this migraine you have a million times worse. You let out a slight groan and open your eyes once more. Something beside you stirred as you close your eyes again.

“Y/n?” asks a worried voice. A worried voice that you know.

You attempt to open your eyes and turn your head, only to hiss at the pain.

“No, no, no. Stay still. Don’t move.”

You open your eyes again and a person is sitting on the side of your bed, looking at you. They’re half smiling and their eyes are swollen and red from crying. You blink a few times, trying to make the blurriness go away. It disappears for a short second as you focus on the face in front of you. A man with blonde hair and piercing blue eyes is staring at you. You look at their face and try to figure out how you know them, he looks so familiar yet not. The man tries to speak to you again, but your eyes flutter close and you’re asleep.

____________________________________

The sound of voices made your eyes partly open. This time it was much easier to hold them open. You blink a few times adjusting them to the bright light over you. You slowly turn your head and watch as a group of people stand in the left corner of your room. You go to speak, but end up coughing, Your throat is so dry. Everyone turns their head and look over to you. A doctor and three nurses rush to you. The doctor looks at you as the nurses check your vitals and machines.

“Y/n?” asks the doctor in a calm voice. “My name is Doctor Timothy. You’re at St. Gloria’s hospital right now. You were in a bad accident yesterday, okay?”

He speaks slow and you mentally thank him for that, seeing as you were hardly able to understand him then anyways. You slowly nod your head. He smiles and scoots even closer.

“Do you know what happened to you?” he asks. You think for a moment before nodding once more.

“She’s stable.” says a nurse. You attempt to look over at her and she sweetly smiles at you. “You are lucky, miss y/l/n. You had some kind of angel watching over you.”

You just stare at her as the other nurse brings in a styrofoam cup with a long straw. She walks over to you and smiles.

“I’m going to take your oxygen mask off, okay sweetie? I have some water for you to drink.”

You watch as the mask is lifted off and she brings the straw to your dry lips. You slowly open your mouth and begin sipping on it.

“Not too fast, honey. Slow sips.”

You finish the drink and sigh in relief. Your mouth had felt like a desert. You relax into the bed and watch as the doctor and nurses all talk among each other. The doctor walks back to you and pulls up a chair.

“Y/n, you’ve fractured three of your ribs, your collar bone and your left arm. You also had ruptured your spleen, so we had to do an emergency surgery on you, but it was textbook perfect. You’re going to have a lot of bruises and swelling, but you’ll be okay. Can you tell me what year it is?” he asks, pulling out a little flashlight from his pocket.

You think hard and feel absolutely foolish not remembering what year it is. You squint your eyes and look back at him, slowly shaking  your head. He smiles and nods.

“Now that’s okay. We’ll come back to that one. Can you tell me your birthday?”

You think for another moment and squeeze your eyes close as tears pour down your face. You can’t even remember your own birthday. You were scared by this. How could you not know your birthday? Your heart rate monitor starts making loud beeping noises as a nurse rushes up to you.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay,” she says calmly. “It’s just a mild concussion. It’ll go away soon, okay?” she says.

You open your eyes and nod. A concussion. Hopefully you’ll be back to yourself in no time. You’re frustrated that you can’t find your voice. You open your mouth to speak, but when you try to, your chest aches. You let out a loud cough and wince in pain.

“Up the morphine for her.” says the doctor, low. “We’re gonna help you get some sleep, okay? That’ll help your body heal itself and it’ll help with the pain.”

You nod and close your eyes as the nurse injects your IV with a clear substance. A slight burning feeling rushes to your head and within a second, you feel like you’re floating. You quickly fall into a deep sleep.

________________________________

“She has a concussion,”

You stir yourself awake and yawn. You open your eyes and blink several times as you look around. You turn your head to watch as your doctor talks to someone outside your door.

“Doctor?” you call out. You pause in shock by your sudden voice. You could finally speak! Well, it was a pitiful voice. More like a harsh whisper. The doctor turns around quickly and smiles. He quickly walks to you and pulls out your chart.

“You found your voice!” he says happy. You smile up to him. “That’s a very good sign. Sleeping all day yesterday must’ve really helped.”

You slept all day!? Your eyes open wide at that thought.

“Do you think you can tell me what year it is again?” he asks. You think again and once more, nothing.

“That’s okay. We’ll keep trying. I’m gonna send in a nurse to give you a bit more pain medicine. Your heart rate is rising just a bit. I’ll be back to check on you within the hour.”

You let out a weak thank you as he walks out of the room. You lean your head back and exhale as you close your eyes. You didn’t realize you could be this tired. You’re lost in your train of thought when suddenly there’s a slight knock at your door. You open your eyes and look over. The same man you saw next to your bed the day you got in here, was standing by your door smiling. You return a smile as he slowly walks in.

“Hi,” he says.

“Hi. Do you think you could tell them I don’t want as much this time?” you ask as you clear your throat.

The man pauses and looks confused. He looks to the door then back to you.

“Don’t want as much?” he asks.

“Yeah, not as much pain medicine this time, please. I feel like a zombie.”

He squints his eyes and nods.

“Oh, okay. I can tell your nurse…” he says.

“Oh, aren’t you my nurse?” you ask, confused.

The man half laughs and then gets a serious look on his face. He blinks a few times and takes a step forward.

“Y/n,” he says, worried. “It’s me,

Roger.”

Tag List: @seven-seas-of-hi @ramimalekrp-roleplayerpage @mautand @peter-parkersbb @har-rison-s @rogermeddowstayl0r @bacardihardy

[nightly-uwus]

T.Y.O.M. Chapter 8: Battle, Exercise, and Poison

Pairing: Miroku x Kagome

Warning: I like joking about near-death drama a lot so all this emotional depth (if any) is just weak lol

The battle came out of nowhere, as did many fights have before, but something about this one seemed off. Maybe it was because she was somehow five times more clumsier than usual, maybe it was because Naraku showed up for the briefest second, screwing up any stable mentality the group had at the moment, or maybe it was because the stupid horde of demons managed to overpower and separate their group with a surprise attack in the goddamned rain.

Sango in one direction, murderous fire tattooed onto her face, and Inuyasha in another, a forlorn look in his features as familiar ebony hair whipped through the forest away from the others. Shippo and Kirara somehow trailed after Sango in a panic as claws and fangs tore the air to shreds, keeping Kagome from following them. All which happened in a matter of probably five minutes.

She would be lying if she said her legs weren’t screaming as breaths were harder to make without gasping as water pelted against her face heavily. Their situation was pretty bad, she knew it, hand in hand with the infamously lecherous but wounded monk, running deeper to god-knows-where in the security of the forest. He had protected her from a cowardly attack from behind when she tried to shoot one of Inuyasha’s many enemies. The blood was too much, more than she had seen in her life and she couldn’t help but squeeze Miroku’s slippery hand at the thought of his actions, feeling the beads dig into her palm as he swerved quickly in an attempt to throw off their pursuers. The attempt was useless really, his fresh wounds were just the bait thrown to the wolves. The leaves rustled crazily from each side, pushing them further uphill as snarls bit at their heels.

Kagome’s eyebrows furrowed as he stumbled over his robes, she was scared that Miroku wouldn’t make it to safety without fainting. Her arrows ran out a long time ago--turns out she still wasn’t a hell of a shot yet--and she wasn’t ready to face off hungry demons with a bloody metal staff and a misshapen patchy backpack in the rain. Yeah, the rain isn’t exactly her favorite at the moment.

“Miroku-sama?”

He grunted softly as a sort of involuntary response, tugging her hand as gently as he could while nursing his side to avoid an attacker pouncing from the left, who slid into the bushes on the other side with the rain’s assistance.

“I’ll be fine. Let’s worry about escaping alive, hm? You could do without those wet clothes.”

Without so much as a breathless squeak of surprise and a discreet shirt shifting, they continued on, Kagome worryingly catching up to the slightly dizzy monk as they burst through the clearing. Miroku fell to the ground, splashing against the mushy grass and skidding with a painful ‘oof’ as Kagome tripped on top of him--she was looking at the edge of the ground where it cut off into the view of the sky and the forest below. Water rushed in front of them from a wide river into a very steep waterfall. It’s usually clear liquid stained with brown, leaves and fallen branches muddling the river as it fell over the edge. With a glance over the edge, there was nothing but trees, stray branches along the walls of the waterfall, and a small pool covered in rocks continuing dangerously further down below. It had to be at least a 30 foot drop.

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry, Miroku-sama. Will you be ok?”

Quickly spinning to his feet in a proper defensive stance, Miroku shrugged off her apology and narrowed his eyes at the mutated demons closing in by the waves---almost as chaotically as the river behind them. He grabbed his abandoned staff as a crutch and Kagome flanked his side, slightly trembling---from the cold or from fear, she didn’t know. Surrounding them was just a line of fangs, claws, and drool that inched through the bushes, their tongues flickering at the droplets of dark red left behind as their eyes flashed a similar shade. Kagome instinctively reached for her arrows, fingers grasping at air and water droplets aimlessly. She forgot she ran out, looking quickly to the taller monk as if to ask ‘what’s the plan now’. Miroku looked ready to rip off his prayer beads, already pushing her behind him before a hazy hum droned out from all directions. Poison bugs, damn. She furrowed her brows again helplessly but his expression didn’t change, the grit he put into clenching his jaw contrasted greatly against his clammy, pale complexion. The haunting flutter of their wings didn’t seem to deter the monk, in fact, it only drew him on as he shifted to unravel the beads. Kagome pulled at his hand.

“Miroku-sama, you can’t--!”

“We have no other choice, Kagome-sama! Stay behind me and hold on. Please.”

He slung off the beads, pulling Kagome tight against his side as the void in his hand prickled and expanded. The wind howled, pulling in the suddenly submissive predators and any obstacles without much effect. They managed to dig their nails into the softened dirt as the hovering bugs were sucked in, drawing poison into his veins as he staggered back in pain. He motioned Kagome to move behind him as he brought his other hand to support his slightly trembling arm. About thirty of the demons fell in, their last words being indistinguishable screams mixed with inhumane whining but the bugs wouldn’t stop coming. Kagome noticed, feeling the muscles slacken in Miroku’s back, as he went under a dizzying spell.

Kagome had to stop him before he killed himself, eyes burning as she dug her fingers hard into his soaked robes. Knowing Inuyasha would chew her thin for her recklessness, she shook her head in resolve and swiped the bloodied prayer beads from his whitened grip. He protested, hints of anger and panic in his voice, as she brushed her unoccupied hand along the length of his right arm and clasped his fingers closed underneath hers with force. The dark abyss disappeared as their hands glowed light pink, rubble and leftover forestry falling as the indescribable force faded. In shock, he could only watch as she moved with a once-in-a-lifetime grace to twist her body and her grip to wrap his wrist with the beads in a way she had seen him do hundreds of times.

Rain almost freezing in time, they stared at each other, blue eyes fiery and almost challenging while deep violet dimmed in response. The bugs fled in a swarm into the dark sky and the snarls of the still overwhelming and recovered group of demons brought back their attention. Biting his lip, Miroku went back to applying pressure on his wound as he edged backwards, causing Kagome to follow.

“So what’s the... pla---...n… Kagome-sama?”

He drew out the last syllable, allowing himself to lean on her lightly when she nudged his side. She didn’t necessarily plan what to do after. His eyes squinted against the sprinkle of rain, jumping back when one of the demons snapped forward. Their pursuers continued their slow, predatorial pace, cornering the two further against the edge. It was only till Kagome felt her feet brush against the edge when she sucked in a deep breath and froze. The seconds slowed into impossible lengths, the thudding of her heart faded as Miroku’s heart thumped loudly in her ear. Ba-bump… Ba-bump… Ba….Bump… There’s no other way, he can’t go on like this. She quickly felt her way down his arms and squeezed his hand, stressed tears pricking at her eyes.

“Ok, we gotta go.”

It sounded more tender than she’d like.

“Go?”

She nodded, warily eyeing the enclosing rows of demons.

“Mhm. Down there… Can you swim?”

“Sw...im? I can... certainly try for a pretty… lady.”

She couldn’t help but let a frantic giggle pass her lips, he probably didn’t even know what she was talking about.

“On the count of three.”

“Alright, fairly confident that… I can count that much, Kagome-... sama.”

Gathering Miroku’s staff, her backpack, and her partially useless weapon, she smiled at his comment and threw their stuff over the edge and away from the water. She could see it, the muscles tensing from beneath layered skin or matted fur as their eyes narrowed. They’re going in for the kill. Without a second to lose, she scrapped the thought of counting and leapt backwards, dragging the surprised, yet barely conscious monk with her.

“Kagome-sama, wait--!”

The wind whipped through her hair, lashing around her face as she hugged Miroku close to her body, hand protecting his head against her chest as he held onto her tightly. They fell fast, the rain surrounding them as they probably plummeted to their deaths. Eyes fluttering shut, she curled slightly into him, tightening her grip on him to keep them close, and prayed.

The water was harsh and cold, dragging them along like ragdolls along the strong overflowing current as Kagome struggled to swim to shore with additional deadweight. He would still paddle every now and then, filling Kagome with more energy and purpose. She had to get them somewhere safe and fast. Blinking her eyes against the stubborn water droplets, she felt the current ease only for a second and guided Miroku onto the shore before joining him in a less graceful heap. She stayed there only to catch her breath, then checked Miroku’s breathing--which was a tired but still teasing huff in her ear, how he managed that was beyond God at this point--and quickly guided him back in the direction of the waterfall.

His hand rested against any stray trees along their path as his breaths finally appeared labored, he couldn’t see much as black dots and blurring filled his vision but hummed when Kagome leaned him against what seemed like a cave’s entrance. He sunk slowly and closed his eyes, blinking in and out of consciousness as his hand found its way onto his wound again, the poison pricking all over his body finally affecting the fluidity of his body as Kagome ran out into the forest.

The seconds ticked by, warmth somehow draining but filling him as the color faded from his usually tan skin. The trickling of rainwater from outside of the cave felt calm, almost too calm, but he redirected his focus on mediating his heartbeat and strength. The poison must’ve spread quickly through their little water adventure and he wasn’t exactly in the healthiest condition, wound screaming in his attempt to stay awake. Without a pause, he felt clumsy footsteps coming closer and relaxed his muscles with a small, strained smile. She didn’t hesitate to throw her bag down, along with the miraculously intact bow and staff and a pile of mostly dry sticks and herbs, before digging in as if her life depended on it. Well his did, so it was completely justified. Seemingly finding what he needed first, she crouched next to him and popped open the cap. It looked to be a strange, sterile liquid, similar to the first time he managed to get poisoned.

“Oh Kagome-sama, I don’t think I have the strength to drink this all myself. Would you be open to--”

“Miroku-sama, you still got time to joke around?”

He noticed the slightest quiver in her voice as her sniffles became more audible, completely gluing his tongue to the roof of his mouth when he met her reddened eyes.

“It’s going to be alright, Kagome-sama. So maybe asking for mouth-to-mouth transfer is a bit too extreme…” He took a hold of the bottle, placed his hands over hers on the small container, and continued, ”How about just helping me?”

She only nodded, adjusting her position, and pushed the bottle against his lips. It went down smoothly and he leaned his head back, it felt better to rest his eyes. He let her drape a towel over him before dragging everything closer to his still form. Various little noises echoed through the shallow cave, a fire started after a couple minutes of silence and then a soft bubbling of something being boiled in a small pot with additional grinding of rocks creating a pulp with a familiar herbal aroma.

“Um..”

“Yes, Kagome-sama?”

“Are you ok to take off your clothes by yourself?”

“How bold, Kagome-sama--”

“Not like that!”

She was blushing, and he couldn’t help but feel relieved, it was more her than the hysterical girl she was earlier. He untied the knot on his robe, slowly shrugging his torso free from the fabric. It peeled slightly around the slowly clotting wounds, causing Miroku to wince and Kagome to forget about how his body was unfairly toned. Sucking in air through his teeth, he scooched closer to the fire, basking in the warmth as the light flickers over his skin. He didn’t notice Kagome settling in beside him until he felt a warm washcloth against his side. It didn’t hurt but it startled him enough to whip his head toward her.

“Sorry. Can I treat it?”

He nodded, turning slightly to give her better access as he tried to dry himself off with one hand. It was a fairly long process, cleaning, crying, comforting, applying ointment and herbs, and then dressing it. He only paid attention to the smallest brush of contact and the way her breath fanned across his torso as she felt more comfortable to fill the silence with rants about what just happened and then her Future problems. The pain flickered every now and then but the Future’s ‘painkillers’ seemed to help similar to a multitude of herbs he couldn’t name at the moment, the only difference was that it was making him quite drowsy.

“I’m probably boring you, huh?”

“As a holy monk, our lifelong mission is to seek and spread knowledge under the guidance of God… and personally I’d love to hear more about these ‘planes of air’, they seem quite revolutionary!”

So she continued, wrapping each layer of the bandages with tender care with a recovered sparkle in her eyes. He didn’t know it was over until fingers lightly trailed over his shoulders, his arms, and his face to finish off the little scrapes left over and she became more animated in her explanations while drying out his hair. She even dried out a blanket and placed it near the fire for him, giggling too as she tucked in his mostly naked form with another blanket. She hung his robes out on the other side of the fire as the silence filled the cave, leaving only the raspy breaths and the crackles of the reasonably small fire.

They looked at each other, eyebrows comically wiggling in an intimate conversation before he smiled, words already sent telepathically into her head.

“...Don’t thank me, I didn’t do anything. In fact, you almost died because of me.”

“Well, I don’t think I have to ask you to guess who also saved my life earlier, Kagome-sama.”

She smiled softly, almost as if to say ‘ok, I’ll give up only because you’re literally gonna die otherwise’, and he quirked one of his eyebrows cockily. Looking outside, Kagome sighed before a small sneeze escaped her. Miroku looked at her again, eyes glued at a certain spot with a sputter as he gave her a strangely familiar look. She tilted her head slightly. Something about it was off… It wasn’t cocky like earlier and it’s not necessarily happy either. Somehow it gave her the creeps.

“Gesundheit, Kagome-sama…”

“Um, thanks.”

She squinted her eyes in suspicion as he smiled even wider.

“You seem to still be quite wet, that is to say your clothes leave little to the imaginati--”

“Holy CRAP! You perv, look away! I swear to Kami, when you get better I’m going to beat the living daylights out of you.”

She covered her shivering form with what little dignity she could as her face grew hot. It caused him to chuckle as she ran over and pulled the blanket over his face with a speed that rivaled Inuyasha’s. Keeping the blanket over the laughing pervert with her foot, she quickly pulled off her clothing and attempted to hop into her dry pajamas. It proved to be quite difficult as she tripped on her pant leg, landing on his exposed arm.

“Oh jeez!”

“That stung. Although I have to confess black is such a suitable color on you, Kagome-sama--! Ah!”

“Oh. My. God. I’m going to kill you!”

“Well keep your clothes off if I’m going to die--!”

He was silenced with a soft yet stern flick on his forehead that basically promised a very foreseeable death and he slowly drew the sheet off his face to meet eye to eye with a scarily beautiful sight. Upside down pursed lips, pink dusted cheeks, and lively blue eyes plus a messy job of putting on a shirt.

“Ooh, what a scary angel.”

“Oh please, just as human as any person here…”

She furrowed her eyebrows slightly, leaning even closer to brush her forehead against his.

“I think you have a fever, Miroku-sama.”

“Take care of me?”

She huffed lightly at his cheesy smile, flicking his forehead again before getting up.

“Already on it, ya nasty perv!”

Intro | Chapter 7 | Chapter 9

[yovngho]

johnny + 3 please?

“You came back.” send a number + member for a drabble ☼ 

this one is an au. I hope this is okay but if you dont like it feel free to request again! mentions of blood + death

also this is so long its a damn scenario im sorry dfgddhdhg

You knew there was no stopping him. You didn’t try and you didn’t want to either. This had been his dream for so long it would have been selfish of you to hold him back. “When I come back,” he told you one night, “I’ll take you to see the world. We can rest on the beaches and walk through the most beautiful meadows we hear about in songs and stories.” His eyes would light up talking about the adventures the two of you would have outside of the kingdom. He pulled you closer to his side, rough tunic scratching your face gently as a reminder that he was still there with you. 

The day he left for battle, you had helped him dress in his armour. You had your own post to attend in the late morning which would allow you enough time to watch him and the other officers leave. He held you so close the metal detailings on his chest plate pushed into you uncomfortably, but you couldn’t find yourself to care. Youngho pulled away, eyes full of tears and hope. “I’ll be back in a month or two don’t you worry.” His hands found your face, taking the time to memorise every feature of your face. “I love you.” He reminded you.

“I love you too.” You told him, wiping the tears from his cheeks. “You make sure you bring yourself home. I’ll be waiting for you.” Your lips met again, desperate to savour the last few moments you may ever have together. You tried to act like this might not be the last time you see him. Like he wasn’t going into battle against one of the strongest forces on land. “Do you still have my token?”

He huffed out a laugh at that. “As If I’d ever let it off my person.” His fingers reached into his chest piece to reveal a scrap of dark fabric. It had once been part of your tunic but ripped off the night you first declared your love for one another. A token to remind him you’re always in his heart. You’d been so desperate to prove to him you’d ripped the material right off your sleeve. It perhaps wasn’t the most elegant option, but it brought a blinding smile to his face. Your body melded into his that night, solidifying the bond already formed between you two. “I keep it with me always.”

He stuffed it back into its holding as a horn echoed through the courtyard. It tugged at your heart and you knew that was it. You walked with him to his horse, putting on a brave face for him because you knew he couldn’t cry then. He kissed you again, languid as he could be in the time frame given, savouring your taste. “Stay safe, my love.” 

You scoffed at him, “Shouldn’t I be saying that to you?” He mounted his horse with grace before sending a smile your way.

“You have many times, my dear.” Horses started to amble in the direction of battle and you both knew had to join them. “I love you.” He said again, grasping your hand tightly. “But don’t worry, two months will fly by and you’ll be sick of my face again in no time.”

He’s declared dead a month later. A raven made it’s way back to the keep stating their army was slaughtered by the enemy. Fewer than thirty men of the five hundred sent survived to their knowledge and had begun their journey back south as they sent word. Everyone one else was declared missing, which was the word they used to ease grieving widows. Two of the soldiers who had returned from the battle were recounting the massacre that happened. Partners and children howled and screamed in heartbreak and loss for parents, spouses and lovers. You stayed still. Lower jaw shaking. Vision blurred with tears. You don’t move to wipe them. You just stand there, listening to the chaos around you and all you can picture is his smile. You picture his smile vanishing as a sword pushes into his stomach, taking the light from his eyes as blood starts to- You stop yourself. It’s not worth thinking about. 

It’s foolish, but you even months later you can’t accept the reality. You half expect him to surprise you at the mill or, maybe you’ll wake up with him beside you again. You push yourself out of bed, wiping the wetness from your face and know you have to start moving forward. The road to acceptance will be a slow and painful one, you know this. But you also know Youngho will always stay in your heart no matter what. 

It’s been six months since he left. You’re spending the day revisiting important places to you and Youngho. The market stall where you met, the stables where you’d meet at night, the lake where you’d frequently picnic. You’re at the pasture where you’d spent countless nights together looking up at the stars in each other’s arms. He was such a romantic, you remember fondly. The horses are grazing so you lean on the fence so as not to disturb them when the two children from the farmhouse come careening into view hollering loudly to their parents. 

“Quickly mum, Renjun might be with them!” You hear the youngest boy call. You knew Renjun vaguely. He was one of the youngest of the troops Youngho was deployed with. Wait… “C’mon! Let’s go greet them!” The two kids run ahead of their parents who walk cautiously behind and you decide to follow them to see what was happening. You want to ignore the tightness in your chest hoping to see your Youngho again, but in the back of your mind you can’t help but think what if. 

The gates to the city are open wide, those who were tending to their shops have stepped out to investigate and a crowd forms around the courtyard. You hear a trumpet sound and they start filing through the gates. Almost a hundred soldiers stumble through, welcomed home by the thunderous applause and cheers from the crowd. You stay off to the side, scanning the soldiers for any familiar faces. Several men were limping, being supported, or carried by their peers. A female officer burst forward from the crowd, beelining to her family to find herself enveloped in hugs. You watch the encounter with a soft smile on your face. Today was a day to celebrate. When you turn back, the gate has closed and for the briefest moment, you think you see him holding up a friend but then the crowd is clustering around the soldiers making their way to the infirmary and he’s gone again. 

You slap yourself gently to calm yourself down and decide to head to the stall earlier than expected. You worked at the food stall in the main market (which is where you had first met Youngho) with Joohyun. As you turn the corner, you see her chatting happily with a customer, their back facing you. You sigh, mentally preparing yourself to deal with people in your less than stable state. Joohyun breaks into a smile seeing you approach and the customer follows her gaze to see what she’s looking at.

You stop as your eyes meet his and you feel like the whole world is freezing and collapsing around you. There’s blood and dirt caking his face. His hair sticks to his scalp and forehead. There are bags under his eyes peeking through the grime coating his face, but his dazzling smile cuts through it all. You don’t realise you’re sobbing until he scoops you in his arms, fingers wiping away at your tears. Shaking your head in disbelief you reach up to trace the contours of his face carefully. “This isn’t real.” You tell yourself. You’ve really lost it now, imagining he’s in front of you.

“I’m here. I’m real.” He tells you, brow furrowed unsure how to comfort you. Youngho rests his forehead against yours before taking your hand. He places it over his heart. “See, I’m here.”

His heart beat hits where your hand rests on his chest and you look up into his eyes as acceptance overwhelms you. “You came back.” It’s not a question. A statement because he’s alive and he’s with you again and all the sadness that possessed you for six months disappears to the back of your mind.

He kisses you, desperate and needy like a man drowning. “I came back.”

[omgxiaoch]

Starting Over Again

“request: “HEY! so i just wanted to request an angsty kihyun fic in which he is a member of an assassin group and it just so happens that you are his target but he does not that you are actually an assassin as well. TYSM😘!!” -anon

ship: Kihyun x [y/n]

genre: angst

word count:

a/n: OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY IF THIS IS LIKE FOUR MONTHS LATE I DON’T WHAT HAPPENED IM SO SORRY T-T

masterlist

“Caught you by surprise, didn’t I?” 

Kihyun’s breath hitched when he felt the cold surface of your blade on his throat. It was an unexpected turn of events. He was supposed to be in your position right now but sadly, he was in your position, the one who’s probably gonna lose his life.

“You’re also an assassin, huh?” His voice was filled with bitterness that he could even taste the metallic taste of his blood seeping out from his busted lip. “I am and I think it’s a bad decision for you to choose me as your target, Yoo Kihyun.”

Totally bewildered at the fact that you know his name, his eyes stared right into yours while staring at both of your reflections in the mirror right in front of the two of you. “You seriously don’t remember me, do you?

Do I know her? Kihyun mentally asked himself, trying to recall any particular memory to give him some hints of who you really are. Glancing down at your hand, the sight of a silver ring got all of his memories rushing back like a current.

“[y/n]?” His voice trailed off as he reaches up to your hand, slowly wrapping his fingers around your hand with tears welling up on the corner of his eyes.

Kihyun listlessly dragged his whole body towards the conference room where he was summoned by their leader, Shownu. Having the doors opened for him, he wasn’t too happy to see the red folder right in front of Shownu. 

He knew he was gonna get his hands covered with blood again. It has always been that way. Kihyun, the most wanted assassin for killing hundreds of well-known people. “What is it this time, Hyunwoo?”

It was rare to hear Kihyun call Shownu by his real name, and when Kihyun calls Shownu by his real name, it was obvious that Kihyun didn’t want to do the work that’s being thrown at him. It has actually reached to a point that Kihyun was sick and tired of taking away countless lives when he, himself, doesn’t even know why they had to be killed.

“I need you to kill her for me.”

Shownu didn’t waste any time and showed Kihyun a picture of you and a list of information about you. Glancing down on your picture, he felt his heart skip a beat for a second and that really bothered him.

There was something about your picture that he couldn’t pinpoint. Was it because he was reminded of someone whom he had long forgotten about? Was it because you looked too familiar for him? His eyes read all of the information written down on the piece of paper, pushing it away after memorizing a couple of information.

“When do you want me to start?” Kihyun leans back in his chair, an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. The sun was still up and he just got back from another mission last night. Shownu somewhat had a miserable look on his face when he stared at Kihyun.

Doesn’t he remember her? Shownu thought as he took a hold of the folder. “You can start whenever you feel like it.” 

“Alright, I’ll be heading out tonight and I think I might need that information sheet for me to study this afternoon.”

Nodding his head in approval, Shownu rips the paper off the clip and hands it directly to Kihyun. Turning around to leave the place, Kihyun was brought to a stop by Shownu’s question.

“Doesn’t she look familiar to you?”

Shaking his head in disapproval, Kihyun didn’t think twice but to continue his way out. Sadly looking at Kihyun’s retreating back, Shownu slumps his whole body in his chair and lets out a deep sigh, wishing that Kihyun had never taken the job.

“Isn’t it sweet of you to finally remember me, Kihyun?” You blatantly asked as you just let his warm hands take a hold of yours but despite his sudden skinship, you never brought your guard down.

Memories of the two of you came rushing into Kihyun. The time when the two of you were happy in each other’s arms, enjoying each other’s warmth and touch…. but only to be destroyed once he entered MX. 

“You’re still wearing our wedding ring?” Kihyun sadly asked as he looked over to his wife, wondering why he never seemed to remember you when he saw your picture. Was it because his mind decided to bury that happy memory at the back of his head to keep him emotionally stable? Was it to keep him at bay? or was it to keep him away from hurting himself over and over again?

Scoffing at his own words, you only pressed the blade harder on his throat, slowly cutting through the first layer of his skin. “Pathetic, isn’t it? Even though here I am, holding a knife around your neck ready to kill you, I’m still wearing our damned wedding ring… knowing that our marriage had already died five years ago.”

Both of your chests were burning with sadness. It was a tragic ending for the two of you. You were taken away by people whom he never knew and he was taken away from you by MX. “What happened to you? Why are you an assassin?”

Glancing back at your reflection, he knew that the old [y/n] was long gone and was replaced by someone whom he never expected to meet. A new [y/n] who’s practically fine with killing people, having her hands stained with corrupted blood, and being heartless. 

You hated things like killing people when the two of you were still young and happy. But now, it was different… especially when Kihyun left you. You trained so hard in order to just meet him one day during some mission. You hoped that one day the two of you might meet with hearts still beating for each other and now is actually that day.

But the day when the two of you are up on each other’s throats, trying to kill each other. You fell silent when you heard his voice filled with concern and sadness. Why did you become an assassin in the first place, though? Was it because you wanted to run away from the pain that he’s caused you?

“I don’t know…” you whispered against his ears before making your hand go limp, pulling the blade away from his throat. “I… I can’t do this.” You angrily muttered as you tried to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall.

Feeling a lump in his throat, Kihyun wipes away the blood on his neck before pulling you into his arms. Oh, how long have he yearned to have you in his arms once again. Burying your face into his chest, you unconsciously wrapped your arms around him and burst out crying. 

“Why did you leave me?” Your cry was muffled in his chest, only to bring Kihyun to tears. “I never meant to leave you, [y/n].” Kihyun whispered as he slowly remembered why he left you in the first place.

“Kihyun, you do know that [y/n]’s in danger because of you right?” Wonho asked as he roughly places both of his hands on his shoulder. “I know…” Kihyun lifelessly replied with his eyes lowered to the ground. “And you do know how to keep her safe?”

Of course, Kihyun knew how to keep you safe but it was in a harsh way. If he joins MX, then he would be reassured that you’d be taken care of their sister assassin group, a group of people that he doesn’t even know about. But it also meant that he wouldn’t be able to see you again.

“Okay fine….” Kihyun gave up at the thought of you being in danger. Glancing towards your sleeping figure, Kihyun heaves out a sigh and mutter a sorry before glancing back up to Wonho.

“I’m in.”

Kihyun then tightens his grip around your, his shaky breath glossing over your neck as his tears have already betrayed him. “I’m sorry… but it was only one way to keep you safe, [y/n]…”

“Safe?” you scoffed as you pushed him away. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. He never knew what happened to you. He never knew what struggles and beating that you’ve gone through to become an assassin… which you never wished to become.

“Do you call having my back whipped by some woman safe?! Do you call having my body filled with bruises safe?! Tell me, Kihyun, is everything that I’ve been through safe to you?!”

Gaping at the words that he just took in, Kihyun looks at you with eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “They did that?”

“They freaking did, Kihyun, they freaking did! And you know what, I had to freaking fight for this wedding ring so that I wouldn’t lose the only thing that reminded me that you were mine and you loved me.”

Looking down at his hands, he sadly twists the ring on his left hand before he softly mutters a sorry. “This is pointless..” you exasperatedly said as you walked towards him, grabbing his hand before placing the knife on his palm.

“Just end it here, honey. I know what’ll happen if you don’t finish your mission.” 

Kihyun’s eyes widened in fear as he frantically shook his head in disapproval, throwing the knife away from the two of you. “No. I’m not gonna kill you…. [y/n], please, we can fix this. Let’s run away!”

You sadly smiled at him before letting out a shaky breath, “We can’t… we both know that they’ll be able to track us down and punish us once they find us.” Kihyun takes a hold of your hand, his vision blurred by the tears in his eyes.

“Let’s leave everything behind, [y/n]! We can be that happy couple we used to be and grow a family together!” 

Hearing those words were comforting enough to make you smile at him sincerely. You slowly remove his hands off of yours before cupping his cheeks. His tears were brimming down his cheeks, his lips were starting to swell from crying and you’ve never felt so broken to see him like that.

“I love you so much, honey, but I can’t do that… I know that we’ll be both dead if we ever try to run away.” 

“We can change our identity, [y/n]! We can fucking change it…. please… Let’s just live a normal life with mini me and mini you running around our house, I’m sick and tired of this life… please… just run away with me.”

Kihyun was literally sobbing as he leaned into your touch. He was right… the thought of that having a family with him felt magical that it sent butterflies in your tummy. Imagining what Kihyun just said made you change your mind. Taking his lips with your own, you couldn’t help but smile at the feelings of his on yours after how many years.

Pulling away from the kiss, Kihyun leaned his forehead against yours before sniffing. His gaze was soft and was filled with so much emotions. Tracing your fingers on his lips, you couldn’t help but smile before letting the words, that could change both of your lives, out from your mouth, making him burst out into a smile.

“Alright.. let’s run away and leave this all behind us.” 

[harliquinne]

Personal long post, suffering from BPD/Mood disorder/Anxiety/Depression/ADHD

What ever good vibe, positive assurance, high power or fuck if God exists and is paying attention to my life out of the many- Please grant me power, strength, and will. I can't live much longer with this heavy dripping tar in my chest. I can't live much longer wasting away in my bed. I can't handle this overdone feeling of guilt, sadness, and most of all the anxiety, much longer. I am struggling. I am low. I don't feel like living even though for so long I told myself I could never end my life just for the fact that it's a miracle I can even be here. But I cannot handle this god damn feeling, I cannot handle this fucking tar. I can't fucking deal with the pollution that has spread throughout my torso and head. On top of that, I'm a loser. I've always found the easy way out and made excuses and didn't care. School was a joke- I skipped, I dropped out then came back and made up my credits & graduated with a HS diploma at a school for those who have had bad experiences that held them back. I started smoking cigarettes & weed when I was 14. I'm 24 now. I smoke over half a pack a day. I chain smoke because it's therapeutic just to be able to take a deep breath in and out. Same with weed- all day every day. Never thought it was problem til recently when I ran out and don't have a cent to my name so I can't buy any(and would it I could instead of buying food when I'm starving). I scraped and scraped every piece for resin. I looked at the carpet for fallen scraps. I got all the kief I could manage out of grinders. I crushed the ASHES and smoked it, just in case I missed anything. Do you see the problem here? That's fucking nuts. I am so desperate. I scrounged 6 dollars in quarters just to buy a pack of cigarettes. Then I did it again when I ran out. I write in my journal til 5 am every night. I furiously write. I write pages and pages of self-destructive thoughts, self-hate, repeated lines, word games, things I do that people notice, things I do that I notice, the horrible horrible thoughts I have that Tumblr of all places would dox me and rip me to shreds. And the sad thing is, my enemy...this tar monster inside- it's me. It's just me. I'm going through so much(so much that I can take, there are stronger people who have it worse...I know). There are many times I just don't think I'm going to make it. I'm getting help but I just don't listen and I don't know why. I'm not trying to be this way. Borderline Personality Disorder. I was told that I am believed to be 'better' and 'fixed' in four months through intensive therapy. In truth, if I'd just exercise- apparently, I'd be okay. That may be true...but the problem is that I'm so fucking off the charts with all these overwhelming emotions that I can't fucking move to even brush my teeth or eat or shower. I left my boyfriend. Then he came after me. Then I came back to him. Then he said he needed time after he begged me back. Now this fuck doesn't know if he wants to be with me or if it's best. Now, to any other fine ass lady who don't take no shit(the real me under the globs of tar)- would say FUCK YOU I ALREADY LEFT YOU THE FUCK YOU BEG ME BACK FOR YOU FUCK! But I have this problem of a devastating psycho intense fear of being abandoned. So even though I left just a day before he pulled this shit, I'm back to pitifully wailing like I lost a child- begging him not to leave. The tables turned just like that. Even though I just left with a straight face and took all my shit, even the sheets off the bed. I took every last thing but a stray shoe on the floor and a note. I didn't cry. I didn't care. I was fed up. I was done and over it. I moved in somewhere else cuz I have a great best friend- I had no regret. And just like that, I'm back to being the little baby, fucked up and begging just like he just was. I cannot stand myself because my mental illness traps me. Anyone who doesn't have a mental illness pulls that shit- 'just calm down, just block him, forget him, relax, move on, you're better than that, you'll be alright., just DO it, you have to grow up, you just need this, you just need to meditate'. You either just have no fucking clue what it feels like or you are The Batman because that is some serious mental strength if you can just calm the fuck down when It feels like 10 trains of thought running full speed, dangerously close to one another (which is why from 8pm-5am, I'm writing like I'm about to get caught and killed). Or get up and go for a run and really get into it and sweat and work...this tar just...has me and I'm so stuck. I am immobilized. I am trapped in my mind. This isn't about me getting in a break up, promise. It's so much more than that. I cause my family grief. I always have and they love me so so so much, and I just constantly cause them pain. I'm so low and in mental anguish all of the time that they feel that they failed raising me and it's not their fault. I feel so much guilt for the craziness I have put my loved ones through because it never seems that I learn from mistakes. They try and they try, they spend so much money for me to make it and be successful, but I truly convince myself that I am a very lost cause. It's been over a decade. I have not progressed. I didn't go to college which typically isn't a big deal, but for those like me...I struggle at just keeping a part-time job. I cannot hide my expression and I don't lie but rarely...so everyone can feel the heaviness of my misery, which is obviously uncomfortable. Positive posts of- you're going to make it! You're loved! You're special! You are okay the way you are! - I hate them. It's such a nice thing to say, and it's not just meant for me so how dare I? But I never buy it and continue to rot in self-hate. The reason I post this, is because I hope people see this and learn something on mental illnesses and what it means to call someone crazy when they are suffering...they might not even be going through anything or ever had, this shit just happens to some of us. I'm just so angry. There is so much that I technically as a human being who has the ability to move, can do...it's not that I refuse to do it, I don't think it's laziness but it very well could be(?), I just don't have any will left in me. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Not the things that used to and not new things. I just feel alone and like I don't belong anywhere...and I don't know what I should do. I'm very lost. I'm sorry there is no cut on this post. I'm on mobile and have no idea how to add it on the app. I just needed to write this. I need people to see it. I need people, anyone to be aware. My boyfriend and I could never talk about anxiety or depression because he said it was something people put on themselves and he has 'anxiety' all the time- which people like him, often mistake as the 'anxiety' you get while talking in front of class or getting grades back or going on a date for the first time- heads up for those who think like him...open your eyes and see that the little tingle in your heart and your clammy hands are not the same thing as crippling anxiety, I'm sorry- please help us, not down play us who suffer. I've been ranting for awhile at this point and I think I'm gonna stop now. Im just really struggling and can't stop writing. Im really low. Please anyone who sees this- mental illness is a real issue and needs to be focused on. It needs to be heavily addressed. There are so many people like me...some worse, some more stable...some people who truly can't take it and end their lives...some people who can't contain the monster inside and take it out on others, may that be verbal/physical abuse, school shootings, massacres, animal abuse... It's painful. It's deeply painful. Imagine losing someone you love...now imagine feeling a similar grief every day and you don't really know why...or if you're like me, imagine if you felt as if sludge/tar/muck/pollution dripped down your insides every day... I'm a very beautiful girl(I believe so), I can be talented, I can be fierce, I can be a queen, I can achieve anything I want, I can work out, I can party, I can socialize, I can love, I can be a shining star and most of all- I can be happy and I can make it through. However...I am being held down by this monster of goopy tar...I am deep inside myself, trapped. Watching myself chase all I love away from me...alone with this suffering. Bruh, if this ain't the longest, emo ass post I ever did see and it's written by me. I hope nobody gets mad because it's a long post but I needed to put this out there. I'm going down. So far down. Forgive me.