#i will eat the shadow content with a spoon

[danacaptus]

YANDERE!READER x VICTIM!KAISER

dark content request, tasing, kidnapping, yandere!reader :o

You had been watching Michael for a very long time. At first, it was innocent: attending all his matches, cheering him on from the stands. But that wasn't enough. Soon, you found yourself sneaking into the lockers, stealing little keepsakes—a towel, a water bottle, anything that had touched his hands. Even that didn’t satisfy the gnawing hunger in your chest. Watching from afar wasn’t enough anymore. You needed him. The real thing.

Tonight was your chance. The practice field was eerily quiet, the floodlights casting long shadows as Michael trained alone. He always stayed late, pushing himself harder than anyone else, and you admired that about him. It was why he was the best, after all! Quietly, you managed slip into the lockers and poured a small vial of clear liquid into his water bottle. Your hands trembled with excitement, your heart pounding so loud you thought he might hear it. Once the deed was done, you hid in the shadows, waiting.

he finished at some point, his footsteps echoed through the empty room as he approached his locker. Michael felt relief at the view of the empty lockers, his teammates could get annoying. He grabbed his bottle, chugging the water with the thirst of someone who had given their all. The drink tasted odd—just a little off—but he shrugged it off and took another sip.

Then, the dizziness hit.

He staggered, blinking rapidly as his vision blurred. “Wha…?” he slurred before his legs gave out beneath him. His body slumped onto the bench, motionless except for the shallow rise and fall of his chest. Obviosly, you didn't lose any time! Imediately tip-toeing to him to make sure he was completely asleep. He looked handsome even in such a state, sweaty, tired and drugged; your couldn't help but feel giddy while dragging him out the lockers and making your way to your car. What a handsome man! You giggled. It took effort to drag his unconscious body to your car, but adrenaline was on your side as you laid him carefully in the back seat.

𓂃 ᡣ𐭩

The room was spinning when his eyes fluttered open, his head heavy and his vision blurry. It took Michael a while to notice that he wasn't in the lockers room, confusion turning into alarm when he noticed he was handcuffed. Before he could even say or think something clearly, you entered in the room─ your cheerful look worried him even more. Who was this weirdo? He was obviously being kidnapped and well─ it was scary, yeah. But he was more angry than anything, what could someone so weak looking do to him? You probably just wanted money. He noticed you had a plate in your hands, it had the delicious food you prepared carefully for him! You tried to give him a spoonful, but he quickly moved his head away.

“Who the hell are you?” he barked, his voice hoarse but filled with anger. “Let me go!”

“Oh, Michael,” you sighed, shaking your head as you approached him. “Don’t be like that. I’ve made this for you.” You held up a spoonful of the carefully prepared meal again, “You need your strength after all that training.”

“Get away from me!” he snapped, twisting in his restraints. His voice grew louder, angrier. “I don’t know what you want, but if it’s money, just—” He was so insistent, he had to eat something after training but he couldn't stop acting stubborn! You just wanted to feed him goodly like he need.

"Stop it, love! Let me just take care of you, i dont want your money" the smile in your face faltered, did you seem the kind of person that would kidnap him for money? He wouldn’t stop yelling, thrashing against the cuffs and calling you every name he could think of. Each insult felt like a dagger, twisting in your chest. Your patience was wearing thin.

“Michael,” you said through gritted teeth, your cheerful mask slipping. “Don’t make me do something I’ll regret.”

“Do your worst, do you think i want someone like you to be my maid? you crazy bit—” His defiance was cut short by the sharp crackle of a taser. The jolt of electricity sent his body convulsing, a strangled scream ripping from his throat. The sound of the taser crackling filled the room, blending with his raw, involuntary screams.

He thought he was too clever, huh? Well, disobedience is not tolerated here! Michael had almost forgot how this kind of pain felt, it made him feel as vulnerable as he felt back then, though more angry. He yelled you to stop, but you couldn't stop; he needed a lesson─ even if it made you kind of sad seeing your love like this!

"No, michael. If you dont obey, i'll have to discipline you!"

You just stopped when he was half-conscious, picking up his limp body from the floor. Gently, you cradled his head in your lap

"I will never let you go. I'll give you the most important things you need, micha!" You caressed the burn mark in his neck 'soothingly' while whispering those sweet nothing at him.

"P-please... Let me go" he managed to plead hoarsely. Wasn't he cute? It made you chuckle, but you also covered his mouth─ he shouldn't beg you to let him go, fate brought you together even though he doesn't understand it. "Hush, darling. You’ll thank me one day."

"I love you... forever" you whispered lovingly. He had to get used to it at some point!

This is my first yandere!reader and i made it for my first requestt so i hope its okay, i was chuckling while writting bc it was like punishing kaiser for hurting poor ness 😔 isagi count your days too :) /jk

[mia-martian]

Year of Shadow has singlehandedly made me fall in love with that mf. I didn't give a single shit about the Sonic franchise until i saw Snapcube's playthrough of TMOSTH and thought "wow these guys are neat"- and then i fell down a rabbit hole as more Shadow content was made by fans and SEGA alike for Sonic x Shadow Generations- i never fell so hard so quick- that MCR mascot lookin motherfucker gives me cute aggression something fierce and i need one of those cheap floppy plushies of him with the big ass hands and sneakers and skinny ass noodle arms to abuse and vent these emotions onto. I need to put him in a blender. I need to throw him against the wall like im playing darts with tennis balls. Seeing him with a gun and a motorcycle just feels like they put a black cat .png next to stock photos of military grade equipment. Like when artists draw a pokemon smoking a blunt. Like those t-shirts of spongebob with gold chains around his neck. Except Shadow can make it all look aesthetically appealing somehow !! How have you made a design that looks SO COOL and yet SO RIDICULOUS at the SAME TIME??? HOW???

[theosbaby]

I need a Fifty Shades reference smut of Draco.. maybe when they were eating ice cream or whatever because HSJAIDJKANDDK 😏😏 anyways, love you

is it weird that i'm going feral over something i wrote? 'cause right now i am... i had fun writing this, thank you for your request @drcelly ! ♡

𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅ casually thinking about...

licking ice cream out of bf!draco

NSFW content ahead, +18

vanilla ice cream has never tasted fucking better than it tastes when you lick it out of your boyfriend's chest, slowly sucking your way down his hard abs as you kneel in front of his naked form, doe eyes looking up at him the whole time. and he's looking right back down at you with a heated gaze, pearly white teeth sinking into his pink lower lip to try and hold back every soft gasp that threatens to escape.

he's sprawled on his bed, in his prefect dorm, the moonlight coming in through the window casting shadows in his ripped body. he just looks so good your mouth's watering.

you see him shiver as you pour more ice cream on him, the cold spoon tracing his hot flesh ever so slightly. your free hand is sliding up his pale thigh, soft finger pads tracing patterns on his milky skin as they get closer and closer to his hard cock. and so does your mouth. you lick all the way down his happy trail, the sweet flavour of the ice cream flooding your taste buds as you finally reach his pubic bone.

he's already a whimpering mess as you suck a mark on his flesh, so close to his dick, his hand reaching out to grab a fistful of your soft hair. he tugs at your hair strands impatiently, guiding your face to his cock to encourage you to take it in your mouth.

you obey his command avidly, plump lips parting and tongue sticking out to lick at his fat, sensitive tip. the action would draw such a pretty moan out of him, making your pussy throb in response.

having you suck him off just gets him so fucking weak.

of course, you'd tease the shit outta him —licking, kissing, maybe sucking on his reddened cockhead, but not putting it in yet. you take your time, indulging in the soft noises he makes and the way he squirms beneath you. but at some point, he gets fed up of your teasing, and then he's just shoving his dick forcefully down your little throat, making you take it all.

he's too long to fit comfortably in your mouth, so you're gagging around his dick as he thrusts in and out, spit drooling down your chin and eyes swelling up with tears. the sight of you so prettily messed up makes him more turned on if possible.

"so beautiful with your mouth stuffed full of my dick, princess," he praises you. he loves praising you. his precious girl, always so good for him.

you'd hollow your cheeks around his shaft, sucking on it eagerly. you're so turned on too, hips desperately bucking to rub your soaked pussy against the hard floor like a dirty little slut. but that's what you are, draco's dirty little whore. a feral grin spreads across his face as soon as he notices what you're doing to get off.

"such a fucking needy girl, huh?" he grunts, pulling at your hair to force you away from his dick, a string of your saliva dripping down his length. then, his free hand would slap your cheek —not too rough but enough to sting a little. honestly, you can't help but moan in response. "can't wait to have my dick inside that greedy pussy?"

"please," you whimper, batting your long eyelashes as you look up at him with teary eyes and swollen, wet lips.

and he can't say no to his favourite girl.

"don't worry, princess, gonna give you exactly what you want."

after that, he's forcing you up onto your feet and bending you over the bed to fuck you silly, face buried in the sheets and plush ass up in the air.

more.

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

...Well I for one like the Seonghwa mommy agenda

���𝙞𝙣𝙠𝙩𝙤𝙗𝙚𝙧 2024: 𝙉𝙪𝙧𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚

Pairing: Dom!Seonghwa x sub!fem reader

Content Includes: Mommy!hwa (it's been so long right?), comfort sex, food play, oral (fem receiving), sex on a table, slight mention of eating issues, 18+, kissing, possessiveness, protected sex (trying to make condom use sound appealing), clit play, aftercare

Word Count: 2.7K

You've been burnt out and struggling to eat the food Seonghwa has been making you lately and Seonghwa can't have that, he has to get creative.

'You eat your meal and Mommy will eat mine'

The soft glow of the evening filled the room, shadows dancing on the walls as you sat beside the bowl of soup Seonghwa had prepared. His long, dark hair fell softly over his forehead, framing his face as he flashed you a warm smile that made your heart flutter. The smell of the meal filled the air, and you could feel his energy wrapping around you—gentle yet firm, just like him.

He noticed the hesitation in your eyes, the way you glanced at the food, uncertainty flickering in your expression. Seonghwa carefully pulled the chair away so he could kneel in front of you, passing you the bowl of soup with a reassuring glint in his eye 'It’s okay, my precious, little star,' he whispered, kneeling closer, his thumb brushing over your knuckles. 'You can do this, and I’m right here with you.'

This happened a lot when you were exhausted from life, your appetite would wane and food became a struggle for you- to the point where everything would taste like cardboard or your joyful nature towards food evaporated completely.

It had been weeks since you and Seonghwa had made love as well, from you being too tired and Seonghwa feeling too guilty to express his need for you. His repressed desires edging to the surface as he saw you lick the spoon with your tongue, his cock already hardening and twitching in his pants.

He leaned in, pressing a chaste kiss to your mouth, his breath warm against your lips. 'How about we make this a little easier?' His voice took on a playful edge, but his eyes were full of sincerity. He reached for the spoon, gently guiding a small bite towards your lips. 'For each bite, I’ll make sure you feel good, too. It’s just you and me, okay?'

You nodded, feeling a rush of gratitude for how understanding he was. He always seemed to know what you needed, even when you didn’t have the words to express it. You took the second bite, and as soon as you did, Seonghwa’s hand slipped down to caress your thigh, fingers tracing slow, soothing patterns. He leaned down, lightly pushing your oversized t-shirt up and around your hips, placing a gentle kiss against the sensitive skin of your inner thigh, making your breath catch.

'Good girl,' he murmured, the pride in his voice making you blush. 'You eat all your meal' He spoke as he dragged your hips to the end of the chair, gently but a little impatiently spreading your thighs open so your panties and heat were exposed to him.

'And Mommy will eat mine'

The bowl was small, only about the size of your palm but your motivation to eat the entire thing now had blossomed times infinity, your body was overly sensitive and touch-deprived from the lack of contact and with Seonghwa calling himself 'Mommy', you could feel yourself becoming more wet and aroused from the anticipation of what Seonghwa had planned for you.

As you took another spoonful, Seonghwa’s kisses moved further up your thigh, closer to where you craved his touch the most. His breath was hot against your skin, sending shivers down your spine. His fingers hastily removed your panties and you felt his lips ghost over your most sensitive spot, making you gasp.

'That’s it, keep going for Mommy,' he encouraged, his voice barely a whisper against you. You tried to focus on the food, but the feeling of his mouth so close made it almost impossible. Seonghwa’s lips pressed a soft kiss to your clit, his tongue darting out to tease you, slow and deliberate.

You took another shaky spoonful, and he rewarded you with a firmer lick, swirling his tongue around your clit in a way that made your back arch off the chair. The pleasure made your breath hitch, your body trembling as you struggled to focus on the task he’d given you. Your shaky laps of the soup, combined with the redness of your cheeks and your nipples peaking through your shirt- it was driving him up the wall with how turned on this moment was making him.

'So sweet for Mommy' Seonghwa whispered, his voice low and warm. He kept his mouth on you, each flick of his tongue a gentle encouragement as he watched you bring another piece of food to your lips. He didn’t rush, taking his time, wanting you to feel every little bit of pleasure as you finished eating.

Your body was so sensitive and your clit was throbbing, your hands beginning to shake as you held the bowl and your thighs trembling, his licks and circles using the tip of his tongue was enough to make your body needy for more- but not enough to give you the orgasm you were desperate to experience.

Your hand gripped the edge of the chair, trying to keep yourself steady as he continued, the sensations building and making your head spin. You could hear the soft, wet sounds of his tongue against you, the way he moaned softly whenever you squirmed in response to his touch.

'Almost there' You moaned out, referring to both the soup and how close you were to finishing on Seonghwa's tongue, looking down at Seonghwa with pleading eyes as Seonghwa's voice against your clit sent shivers down your spine.

'Finish your meal for me precious, and then Mommy will finish you'

He pressed the tip of his tongue against the underside of your clit, staring up at you with a teasing glance as you scraped your almost-last spoon of soup from the bowl, not even blinking once as he watched you shakily bring it to your lips, moaning as he suctioned his plush lips around your clit, accelerating you to the finish line.

When you finally managed the last bite, Seonghwa looked up at you, his dark eyes filled with pride. He kissed the inside of your thigh again, rubbing the outside of your thighs with tender swipes of his hands as he blew hot breath against your cunt, his hair fringing his lashes, framing his eyes that were blown out and hungry for more.

'You did so well, love,' he whispered against your skin, his voice thick with emotion. “Now, let Mommy take care of you.”

You hastily placed the bowl down as you watched Seonghwa lick his middle finger, spreading your thighs wider as you could feel the relief flow through your body from Seonghwa's next movements.

His middle finger tentatively prodded at your entrance, his free hand reaching to pull the clitoral hood back, exposing the aching bud in all it's glory as he suctioned his mouth over it, revelling in the way you tasted as his finger slid in to curve upward to your g-spot.

The sensation was overwhelming in the most heavenly of ways, feeling the coil of pleasure build up rapidly as your back arched against the chair once more, reaching down to coil your fingers through Seonghwa's hair as his moans further emphasised the experience.

'Mommy!'

You cried out in elation as you finished on Seonghwa's tongue, your cunt spasming and your moans of his name were enough to trigger him into a state of desperation, his hand reaching down to palm his aching cock over his sweatpants.

With a soft chuckle and gleeful smirk Seonghwa pulled away, the teasing glimmer in his eyes replaced by something deeper. The moment hung between you, charged with a gentle but needy anticipation. He stood, taking your hand and guiding you to your feet, the warmth of his touch igniting every nerve in your body.

'Come here,' he murmured, leading you to the dining table. The flickering candlelight cast a warm glow, making the room feel intimate, cocooned in the soft scent of the meal and lingering sweetness of your shared moment.

He quickly places the empty food bowl and non-essential items down on the adjacent empty chair, leaving the table bare as he turns you to face him, his hands resting on your waist as he lifts you on the table. His breath mingled with yours, warm and inviting. 'Mommy wants to fuck you right here if you'll let me” he whispered, his voice a sultry promise.

You nod, heart racing as he lifts the shirt over your body, cradling your head as he lays you down on the surface of the table, the coolness contrasting with the heat radiating from your bodies. He stepped between your legs, his long, dark hair falling over his shoulders, brushing against your skin as he leaned down for a kiss. The moment his lips met yours, you felt fireworks behind your closed eyes, a connection that pulsed between you like a living thing.

Seonghwa's hands explored your body, tracing the curves he loved so much, each touch igniting a fire within you. He kissed you deeply, slowly, savouring the taste of you like he had with the food earlier. As his lips moved down to your neck, trailing soft kisses along your collarbone, you could feel the world around you fading away, leaving just the two of you in this beautiful bubble.

'Tell Mommy what you need, precious. Tell Mommy what he wants to hear his precious, little star say' he murmured against your breast, his voice a low whisper that sent shivers down your spine.

You could barely find your voice, but you managed to respond, your breath jolting as his lips latch around your nipple 'I want you ahh! Mommy...I want you to fuck me here...want Mommy's love'

He lifted his head, locking his dark eyes onto yours, a mix of desire and tenderness shining through. 'Then let me give you Mommy's love'.

You shifted your hips downward and spread your legs wider as Seonghwa leaned back up, reaching into his pants pocket to pull out the well-placed condom as he opened the foil with his teeth.

It was in your plan to entice him as he pulls the clear lambskin over his shaft, cupping your breast with one hand and reaching down to draw circles on your clit with the other, gasps leaving you at the sensation.

The dim lighting of the room made Seonghwa look impossibly dreamy with his flushed cheeks, essence-stained lips, blown-out pupils and his skin covered with a sheen of exertion that made him glow under the room aesthetic, the black tank top he was wearing only emphasising his toned arms and delicate collarbones.

'You're going to be so tight around Mommy, I just know it, wanna feel you clench for me'

He groaned out, his voice coarse and deep as he wrapped your legs around his hips, grabbing the edge of the table for support and hovering over you as he placed the tip of his cock at your entrance, kissing you messily, smearing wetness from his tongue around your lips as he did so.

A wave of pleasure washed over you both as he entered you, filling the room with soft gasps and whispers of each other’s names. Seonghwa moved slowly at first, allowing you both to savor the connection, the intimacy of the moment wrapping around you like a warm blanket. Every thrust was deliberate, as he buried his face in the crook of your neck, whispering sweet affirmations that made you feel cherished, adored.

“Just like that, my precious, little star,” he breathed, his voice thick with emotion. He leaned back up, staring over you with the most lovesick of gazes, 'You're Mommy's perfect star' He praised in-between kisses 'You're perfect for me'.

You could feel the warmth pooling in your core, the rhythm of your bodies syncing as you moved together. The table creaked softly under you, the world around you disappearing until there was nothing left but the two of you and the shared warmth of your love.

As the pleasure built to a crescendo, you felt yourself tightening around him, a delicious wave of ecstasy crashing over you. Seonghwa didn't want to be called 'Mommy' every time you made love but each time it happened, both of you always finished more quickly.

Maybe it was the elemental surprise of it, it was Seonghwa's decision whether to use it or not, whenever you heard it from his lips- it would entice you to enter into a particular level of obedience and desire for his touch.

Maybe it was the taboo nature of it, the slight unconventionality behind it. Who'd have thought a man so dominant and aggressive would enjoy being called such a feminine and loving term under the sheets? (or on the table in this case).

Maybe it was the idea of your boyfriend, who usually fucked you hard and rough who became so soft and gentle when he's 'Mommy', who always showed his love through his meals, his care, his presence but showed it more so with his hands, tongue and cock when he's in this loving state that made your body burn with pleasure.

'I..Mommy..close..I need' You whined out, your voice cutting off as a particularly deep thrust, your grip tightening around his back and your muscles aching from the exertion.

'I know precious' Seonghwa teasingly trailed his fingers down your side, his voice having a slight mocking tone to it as he pressed his fingers against your clit with a firm pressure.

'Mommy knows you need me to touch your puffy, little clit so you can cum right?'

A trapped groan left his chest as he felt you clench around him, it felt like he had only been inside of you for minutes before he was ready to bust, his thrusts faltering as he tried to achieve his goal.

'I'll always take care of what belongs to Mommy' His voice cracking as he spoke, his voice husky, coarse and deep as his suave persona began to shatter, his raw, untapped feelings shining through.

'Because you belong to me in ways you don't even realise, you're Mommy's precious, little star and no matter what, your heart and soul and this tight cunt of yours will always be mine'.

Seonghwa didn't want you calling him 'Mommy' often because it made him feel vulnerable, made him reveal hidden feelings towards you he didn't even know were inside of him.

Maybe it was how caring the term made him feel, how being called 'Mommy' made him want to protect you from the world, to pull you into his skin and hold you tight in his heart.

Maybe it was how obedient and vulnerable you looked when you called him that, how big and glassy your eyes would become, how you gave yourself to him freely and how trusting you were of him- that it made his soul ache with passion and cock harden with need every time he was on top of you.

'Mommy..I'm cum-' Your voice broke into a whimper as you released all over his cock and fingers, your hands clutching at his arms as you shuddered underneath him.

Seonghwa followed suit shortly after, praising and whispering how proud he was of you, his body shuddering against yours and he released with a whine of your name, both of you surrendering to the moment- enjoying the blissfulness of it.

Afterward, he collapsed over you, breathless and glowing with a contentment that made your heart swell. He pulled you into his arms, nuzzling his against your chest, the two of you tangled together on the table.

'Are you okay, precious?' he asked softly, kissing your skin softly.

You smiled, your heart full. 'More than okay. I’m perfect.'

Seonghwa pressed a gentle kiss to your mouth a soft smile gracing his lips. 'Good. Because I love you, even when times are hard, you need to know I'll always be here'

As you lay there in the fading candlelight, wrapped in each other's warmth, you knew this moment was only the beginning of your journey together, filled with love, understanding, and an unwavering bond that would always guide you to the love of your life, to your home.

To your Mommy and to Mommy's precious, little star.

Taglist: @youre-alittle-taste-of-hell @sugarnspice630 @mykryptonitelight @scuzmunkie @umbralhelwolf @lino-jagiyaa @mrcarrots @craxy-person @staytinyinmybpack @wisejudgedragonhairdo @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @necessiteez @hexheathen @michel-angelhoe @ja3hwa @justaaveragereader

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

compos mentis 2

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, chronic health issues, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: After a long court case, your mother stays attached to her lawyer, bringing even more contention into your life.

Characters: Andy Barber

Note: ookay here we go with this guy.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

The restaurant is buzzing with voices. It adds the disorienting ripple in your head. It feels like there’s something crawling over your scalp as you try to blink away the haziness. It’s just fatigue. That never goes away, only ebbs and flows. 

You sit on the leather cushion of the curled bench. The booth is lit by a small chandelier hanging above and the plucking of strings strums under the drone of patrons. The sconces against the wall are blurry and bright and the people all around are merely shadows. 

The server appears and doles out the food. You got the butternut squash soup with a French bread roll. With the weather turning chill, it sounded delicious. Besides, you don’t have the stomach for anything heavy. 

You glance over at Andy’s thick sirloin and your mother’s glazed chicken. Your hunger roars in your stomach. You shakily unwrap the cutlery from the cloth napkin and thank the server as your mother taps her glass. The man, in his pressed white shirt, smiles and pours her some more. Andy clicks his tongue but says nothing. 

“Anyone else?” The server offers. 

“We’re good,” Andy answers for both of you. 

You could laugh, if you had the energy. Anyone would look at you and know you shouldn’t be indulging. No, you have your lemon water and that’s good enough. 

“This looks delicious,” your mother chirps and takes a gulp of chardonnay, a hum at the flavour. “Oh, that is divine too.” 

“I hope you enjoy. Both of you,” Andy says. “I know you had a busy day.” 

His elbow touches yours, almost as if it’s intentionally. You look at his shoulder but no higher. You steady the spoon over the bowl and dip it into the soup. You lean forward to taste as your mouth jabs into one of the slices of grilled chicken. 

“Mm, the maple is nice but a bit much,” she complains after a sampling. 

Andy exhales slowly, measuring his breath as if to conceal his sigh. It’s strange. He seems annoyed by your mother more often than not and yet he takes her out for dinner and got her that fancy ring. You don’t understand relationships. Not past the shallow ones written onto the screen. You probably won’t ever know the real thing. 

You rest your spoon on the wide brim and take a piece of the bread. It’s still warm and it smells wonderful. You pinch off a morsel and dip it into the creamy broth. You nibble on it, resisting the urge to shovel it down. 

“You sure the soup’s enough?” Andy asks. Again. He questioned you when you ordered an appetizer over and entree. He even offered to get an appetizer for the table instead. 

“Oh, sweetie,” your mother swallows around her words. “You know she doesn’t eat very much. Her stomach is so sensitive. And look, that’s such a lot of soup. She probably won’t even finish the bread.” 

You nod. You could gobble it all down but you know better. You’ve been sick before from letting your appetite deceive your mind. She’s right. You’ll be full soon enough. Your stomach always starts to ache after a few bites. 

“Ah, sorry. I don’t mean to pester. I just want to make sure you have everything you like. If you wanted a piece of my steak, I think there’s a lot more than I need here,” he chuckles and cuts into the sirloin. 

“Oh, she can’t have red meat. Too heavy for her,” your mother tuts. “Really, Andrew, you are so sweet to offer though.” 

“Yes, thanks,” you murmur as you squish bread between your fingers. You’re suddenly very conscious of every bite you take. 

“So, any more doctor’s appointments?” He asks. “I could come along next time? Since we’re gonna be one big family. I’d like to help out if I can. All this work shouldn’t be on you, Danica.” 

“Oh, my,” your mother slurps more wine. “You really are a dream,” she touches his sleeve. “That would be wonderful. Nothing this week though. Just next month but she does need her script filled. If you don’t mind getting that, it would be a great help.” 

You want to shrink into a speck of dust. You hate it. You’re rarely ever included in conversation. Not for real. You’re only ever the topic of discussion, like you’re not even there. 

“Mom, I told you,” you insist and wipe soup from your oxygen tube. “I can go get it. It isn’t very far.” 

“No, no, no. I told you before. You cannot take the bus. It’s absolutely out of the question. You could get caught on something or worse, you could fall.” 

“Hm, that’s... she’s an adult, Danica, if she wanted to--” 

“Andrew, you don’t know the risks. I do.” 

He opens his mouth then shuts it. His lips thin as he holds back his retort. He saws into the steak. 

“Well,” he looks at you, “if you’d like to come along, I can always drive you.” 

“I can just do it myself,” your mom insists sharply. 

“Relax,” he warns. “She wants to do it herself, she can. She’s not entirely helpless, is she?” 

You chew your lip. Your mother has that look. The dangerous one. Andy’s never seen what it can truly lead to. 

“Whatever is less trouble,” you utter and focus on your soup. “Sorry.” 

“Sorry for what?” Andy challenges, “you did nothing.” 

You nod and take another spoonful. It’s really good but you can’t truly enjoy it. You just want to go home. Away from these strangers. Home where you can be alone. Where you can put some walls between you and your mom. You know you’ve already ruined her night just by being there. 

🩷

Your mother almost finishes the bottle. That’s not unusual but since she met Andy, it’s less frequent. As you leave the restaurant, she’s leaning heavily on him, her heels click unevenly as one shoe keeps slipping loose. You follow, clutching tight the handle of your tank. 

You stop by the SUV as your mother purrs and wraps her arm around Andy. She squeezes his butt and you look away, slowing as you try not to intrude. He flinches and pushes her away, clearing his throat. 

“Danica,” he girds quietly, “please, not here. You’re drunk.” 

“I’m not, I feel good,” she slurs. 

Embarrassment scalds across your chest and down your spine. You never wanted anyone else to see her like this. You know it’s not her fault. It’s yours. She’s stressed from taking care of you and gets a little carried away trying to unwind. 

“You’re all over,” Andy gets her to the passenger door as she staggers clumsily, “come on.” 

He angles her around with one arm around her back and opens the door. He gets her into the seat as she giggles and her hand flutters down his shirt. He pulls away as he catches her hand before she can get any lower. You linger by the back of the car and act like you’re not watching. 

He mutters but you can’t make out his words. He clicks the seat belt around your mom and slams the door. You wince and the wheel of your tank squeaks. He sighs and his shadow turns to you. 

“Hey, sweetheart,” he opens the backdoor, “come on. I’ll get you two home.” 

You nod and come forward, head and shoulders down. “Thanks,” you drag your tank with you, “sorry.” 

“Sorry, for?” He wonders. 

You sniff and shake your head. You don’t know how to answer. How do you explain the truth to him?

“Here,” he reaches for your tank as you say nothing. “Let me help.” 

You have to keep from crying out and reach to shove him away. You’re overly protective. You have to be. That’s what keeps you going and you’re just not used to other people touching it. He lifts it as he nudges you gently. 

You grab the side of the door and haul yourself up. You heave as you fall into the seat, light-head and he fits the tank in in front of you. He reluctantly lets it go and tickles your knee. 

“You okay?” He asks. 

You watch his hand. You nod and grab the seat belt, “fine.” 

“Hmm, I should probably look into some more accessible, huh?” 

“No, no,” you protest weakly. “I manage.” 

“Well, sweetheart, you shouldn’t have to just manage. You should be comfortable. That’s why I took your case.” He brings his hand up and surprises you as he brushes your cheek. You twitch. “You like dinner?” 

“Yes, sir,” you answer and flatten yourself to the seat. “Thank you.” 

He hums and tickles your skin before he recoils. He draws back and grabs the door. He gently shuts it as his eyes cling to you. Your heart is racing. You’re breathless yet that isn’t so unusual. 

He gets in the front seat and your mother babbles and reaches for him again. He swats her back and starts the car. She mutters and slumps into the door. 

“Danica,” he says. She doesn’t respond. He repeats it louder. She snorts. He curses under his breath. You’re happy she passed out, it’s worse when she doesn’t. 

You sit in silence as Andy backs out of the space. He looms rigidly as you shrink as small as you can. Usually, he’s nice. He has this way about him that you assume comes from being a lawyer. He makes himself approachable. But not right now. He’s agitated. You can feel it fuming off of him. 

“I’m sorry,” you eke out as the tension strangles you. 

“You don’t need to apologise for her,” he insists with another sigh. 

“But... she drinks because of me. I know.” You say. “Because I’m sick.” 

He clucks and squeezes the wheel tighter. “No, that’s a bad excuse. She’s an adult.” 

You don’t argue. There’s no reason too. For once, someone isn’t blaming you. Besides, how far did it ever get you. 

He drives on and you turn to watch the dark buildings pass outside the window. The moon is a sliver above and the stars a speckle around the wisps of clouds. You stare up into the expanse, admiring the streaks of dark blue, black, and grey. 

As the car slows, you tear your eyes from the sky. You blink in confusion. You’re not at your house, but Andy’s. You’ve been there once before.  

He shuts the engine off then sits back and spreads his hand across his forehead, “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I just realised I’m at the wrong house.” 

You stay silent. You thought your mom was asleep. He turns to look at you as he flicks on the compartment light. You squint at the sudden brightness. He means you. 

“Do you need anything at your house?” He asks. “Medicine or...” 

“It’s... in my pack,” you touch the belt bag across your stomach. “Tank’s mostly full.” 

He nods and looks you over, “I’m sorry. It’s been a long night. You don’t mind the guest room?” 

You shake your head. You don’t want to make his life any harder. And he should apologise to you. No one does that. They don’t owe you that. 

“Alright, again, I know it’s not easy for you. Probably a lot cozier at home,” he turns straight and shuts off the light. “Let me get your mom inside.” 

He unbuckles his seat belt and his keys jingle as he opens his door. You click the button on your belt and pull the handle. You push outward and the door is pulled from the other side. Andy appears in front of you. He helps get your tank to the ground and offers his hand. 

You don’t want to be rude so you let him help you down. You wheel around your tank as he shuts the door, the opens the passenger side. He ducks into the car and drags your mom out. He stands straight and shuts the door with his elbow. 

“Sorry to ask but could you unlock the door? Code is...” he gives you the numbers and you blink as you try to keep track of them. 

“Okay,” you nod and shuffle past him as he waits. You go up the walk and lift your tank up the low stone steps. You’re overly aware of him behind you. 

You get to the door and stare at the keypad. As you enter the numbers, you realise they’re familiar. It must be a coincidence. In a certain format, they would denote your birthday. The pad flashes green and the door clicks. 

You push down the lever and step back out of the way. 

“Go on,” he nods. 

“No, it’s okay,” you say. “Mom needs to lay down.” 

He looks down at the woman in his arms then at you. Even in the dark, you see his disappointment. Again, you can’t help but wonder why he puts up with her. You have no choice, as she has no choice in taking care of you, but he does. 

“You’re a good daughter,” he says as he slowly steps past you. 

You trail after him, your tank bouncing through the door, and you shut it behind you. You stand on the mat and roll your wheels back and forth, trying to get the excess dirty from them. Then you sit to take off your shoes. 

“You can turn on a light,” Andy chuckles as his shadow looms over you.  

You stare up at his silhouette. He’s close. He must not realise it in the dark. You turn and flip the switch.  

He smiles as he keeps a hold of your mom, “I’ll put her on the couch for now,” he says, “then I’ll get you settled.” 

You nod and bend to move your shoes onto the rack. You don’t look up again. You’re hot. Very hot, even though cool air flows from the vent just across from you. It’s just because you’re used to being at home. That’s it. 

[noyzinerd]

Derek: Hello? *noticing the faint blue glow under the bed*

Derek: *crouching down to look under the bed* Hey, so it's been almost 3 days. I wanted to check in to see how you were doing. Oh, and the pack wanted to know if you found anything on the-

The cryptid curled around a laptop under the bed, in a pile of blankets, eating coffee grounds with a spoon: *HISSES*

Derek: Ok, ok! Take your time! I brought you a grilled cheese in case you got hungry. I'm just going to leave it out here by the bed-JESUS! *narrowly misses the shadow darting out to pull the plate into the darkness*

Creature: *ravenous devouring*

Derek: Alright, I'm gonna go get you something to wash that down with real quick. Let me know if you need anything else.

Creature: *content pug grumbles and happy raccoon chitters*

Derek: Love you too, Stiles.

[inkedinfusions]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐞𝐲 | eren jaeger chapter 5

⊱𖣂⊰ | In which you fall into a fictional world with the key to Pandora's box.

⊱𖣂⊰ | masterlist

⊰– prev   next–⊱

𝟎𝟓 | 𝐧𝐞𝐠𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

chapter word count: 3.1 k

content warnings: mild dissociation, blanket warnings

a/n: So! Chapters may be more spaced out from now on. I've got six halfway written and seven and eight outlined, but I'm swamped in schoolwork rn, so the updates will have to take a backseat. I swear I wont abandon this though, I already got way too attached to it. Anyway, I offer you this plot-continuing chapter. I hope it answers some of your questions and leaves you with some more.

Thanks for reading!

𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐔𝐏 𝐓𝐇𝐄 next day with a bitter taste on your tongue. You lay unmoving, in a similar way to your first morning. The only difference is, there is nothing in your mind. No anxieties, no thoughts, no nothing. The you two weeks ago would be embarrassed, but now you just feel numb. 

You vaguely remember snapshots of yesterday, although you still can't recall specific sounds or sensations. Everything —the past, present, and future— is stuck in a haze. Even nature seems to be aware of this, as you can’t hear the soft coos of birds outside your window, or the rustling of leaves as wind passes through them. 

Time ticks by, and the shadows in your room morph as the sun traces its revolution in the sky. They get longer, fuzzier, and they move around the space as if chasing some unobtainable treasure. 

You can relate, you think.

Your fingers reach out to them, before your hand falls limply to the floor. You graze the wooden floor with the tips of your fingers, the coldness to the touch diverging with the warm blankets. When they collide with something solid below your bed, you sigh, closing your eyes. 

You stand up and kneel before it, gently taking the small box you had stashed under there. The latch clicks when you open it, and your old clothes, the ones from home, greet you. You run your hands across the cushy fabric, softened after many trips to the washing machine. 

A chuckle spills from your lips at the sight. If you’d known you'd be whisked away when dressing up that morning, you would have chosen something comfier, maybe more nondescript. It turns into a sob when you bring it towards your face and you discover that it barely smells of home anymore. 

Unlike yesterday, no tears begin to fall from your puffy eyes. You are too tired to spiral again, your tear ducts too dry to spill over. You simply stay on your knees, caressing the fabrics over and over again. 

Your door creaks open, and Zeke’s head pops in, zeroing on you. 

“Hey, kid,” he says after a beat. “How are you feeling?”

You pay him no mind, not even turning to look at him. His boots fall heavily to the floor as he walks towards you, and it is only when he kneels next to you that you shift your gaze to him. You swallow, nothing coming out of your mouth as you open it to answer.

“...Hungry,” you finally croak.

He nods, helping you up. 

“I’d say breakfast is ready, but it's way past time for lunch,” he jokes, his smile slowly disappearing when you don't respond. 

Zeke looks down at the box in your arms, noting its presence. He hesitates for a moment, and delicately takes it from you to place it on your desk. You let him, watching as he closes the box, but leaves the latch open.

He guides you downstairs, where a steaming bowl of something is waiting for you in the kitchen. 

You robotically take the cutlery and begin eating, scooping up spoonfuls of thick soup. The warmth returns the color to your skin, and your complexion begins to look less gray. Your thoughts start to flow once more, and you eat with newfound energy.

“Didn’t you have a meeting today?” you ask softly, putting down your empty bowl. 

“I got off early.”

He shrugs, like it's no big deal that the War Chief got off early on a meeting about a developing war. You look at him, skeptical, and you're tempted to once again start over analyzing his actions. Your attempt falls flat with his explanation, though. 

“You were sick, kid,” he says, as if it is the most obvious thing in the world. “I couldn’t leave you alone all day.”

You want to cry again, You turn his statement, tone, words, everything, over and over, trying to find a second, secret motive for it. The sincerity with which he delivers his answer comes up against everything, and you, for the first time, believe him wholeheartedly. 

You look down, furiously blinking away a new wave of tears. You're not quite sure why they threaten to fall; it could be the residue emotions from yesterday, your conflicted feelings about your world, or Zeke’s genuine confession. Maybe you don't want to know. 

Silence settles over the room again, only this time it’s reassuring, not constricting. Zeke doesn’t ask about the stray tears that you fail to contain, instead choosing to return to his lunch. You’re grateful you don't have to offer an explanation, knowing still that he would listen to you if you wanted to give him one. 

Zeke takes your plate after he finishes his, making a beeline towards the sink. You let the sound of flowing water fill the atmosphere, while you contemplate the day before you. As you glance out the window, you notice that the sun is already past halfway through the sky, streaking it with stripes of gold and orange. 

Your cheek rests on your palm, and you trace over the lines of the wooden table with your other hand. Maybe you could work on your written vocabulary. 

You hum, as you think about the book you are one third through decoding. You don’t like the prospect of being alone in your room, but there are limited options as to what you can do now. 

A thud interrupts your musings, and you tilt your head up to see what Zeke had dropped at the table. Your breath hitches when a white baseball rolls over to you. 

“Want to play?” Zeke asks. 

You tentatively grasp the object in your hands, bringing it from one palm to the other. To anyone else, this offer would be seen as what it plainly was; an invitation to play catch. To you, however, it reads like an olive branch. Zeke was offering you the one part of his past he looked back fondly to. 

“...Yeah.”

Only three people had interacted both with the ball and with Zeke in the original series. Ksaver, his mentor; Colt, his successor; and Eren, his brother. A new category opened up in the list– you, his ward. 

The white baseball flies through the breeze, parting the air around it with a whizz. You catch it in the leather glove in your hand, before grabbing it and lightly throwing it back to Zeke. He stands across a small patch of grass behind the house, the space being deemed as the current ballpark.

You had been at it for some time, and both pink and purple joined the array of colors above. Baseball was never a thing that popped into your head as a pastime, school work and other hobbies taking the priority of your free time. 

It is, however, great to keep your mind occupied. The mindless duality of throwing and catching –as well as the repetitive nature of it– gives you something easy to do, with no risk of overthinking the action. 

On the other hand, you needed to be sharp to catch the ball and then measure how much energy you would push into it. This helped you concentrate on it, instead of letting it blend in with your environment. 

The cool wind blows across your neck’s nape, bringing some relief in the afternoon sun. Your mind is too occupied with the game to linger on your breakdown yesterday, and you let your emotions flow through you, catching them and releasing them just like the ball. 

Emotions are a fickle thing. They are the reason for the titans, for the connections between people, for the conflicts that ruled the world. They are the very thing that drove the story, and the very thing that ended it. Feelings are as impulsive as they are irrational. And so, on an impulse, you take a very, very, rash decision. 

“I want to go to Paradis,” you say, throwing the ball back at him. 

Zeke freezes as the weight of your statement settles in. The ball lays still in his baseball glove and he makes no move to toss it in your direction. After a beat, Zeke speaks up. 

“You want to go to Paradis…?”

You nod, swallowing 

He throws the ball back, and it lands in your glove with a thump. 

“Is there a reason you’ve decided to tell me this?”

“I know the timeline of your plan.” Your heartbeat quickens and you look down. “This isn't where I’m meant to be, and I- '' you hesitate for a moment, hoping the vulnerability of your request aids you in its acceptance. “I want to go home. As soon as I can.”

The ball flies again towards Zeke. You throw it with more force than normal, and your downturned gaze means you don't see exactly where you toss it, going off purely of muscle reflex. 

And still, you hear the telling thump that indicates that Zeke has caught it. 

“And what exactly do you plan to do?” he asks. “The timeline can’t move up, no matter how much we wish it to.”

In a sense, Zeke is right. The original plan went like it went simply because of the time it took to bring Paradis’ technology somewhat close to that of the rest of the world. And that is without mentioning the allies that would be introduced later on. The Azumabitos and the Tyburs all had their role to play, if things continue on as they were fated to. 

And if things continued like they were fated to, and you still found yourself with no way home, then at least you'd be spared of the rumbling. You don't want to take your chances with the rest of the Eldians and Marleyans at Fort Salta. 

“I can help you,” you offer. It is a Hail Mary, one you aren’t sure Zeke believes a hundred percent. “Besides, the other Volunteers will be there too, won't they? Yelena can keep an eye on me for all I care.”

You catch the ball as it is flung to you, tossing it once, twice up in the air before pitching it to Zeke. 

“I know you have no reason to trust me on this. But all I want is to go home.” 

Zeke examines the sphere in his glove, and you know he is considering your offer. You suppose the proposal is tempting; you are a wildcard that could, at the very least, be a thorn on the road to achieve his goal. And yet, you could also make it easier.

“If I did decide to send you,” he starts slowly, “–and it’s not definite, just a hypothetical– I need to know that we are on the same page. About everything.”

You nod. The imaginary page in question had been scribbled all over with the details discussing the small-scale version of the Rumbling as well as the (not so) fun bonus of the sterilization plan. Half truths with a dose of lies; that’s how you and Zeke operated with each other. Now, he was asking for honesty. 

“I want out the moment you enter the paths.”

“And you're well within your right to demand so,” Zeke concedes. “After all, there's nothing more tragic than being dragged into a fight that is not one’s own.”

Fight. 

You could very well be fighting not only other people, but fate itself. Has this already been decided? You want to argue that no, that your presence here was a new variable, that you could argue with Eren that this was proof that the future could change. 

And if you failed… then maybe at least you could have the small comfort that you tried. And you would be in Paradis, unaffected by the Rumbling.  

“Okay,” you breathe out, catching once more the ball Zeke throws at you. 

A small lifetime ago Tom Ksaver and Zeke Jaeger stood in the very same positions you both stand in now, the mentee becoming the mentor, the new apprentice once again having more answers than the teacher. The euthanasia plan comes to light anew, along with the name of Zeke’s old mentor. 

“So. Ksaver’s plan?”

Thump

“Just how far does that story cover?”

Thump

You shrug, drawing back your arm with the glove. “It's just snapshots. I couldn’t tell you his favorite color, for example.”

Thump

“Fascinating,” Zeke responds. “Do you know how it came to be?”

Thump

“Something about not being born equals no misery?”

The ball flies off to Zeke, who keeps it. He turns it in his palm, throwing it up in the air and catching it again. His eyes trace the path the ball takes above his outstretched hand, and you see how his gaze turns reminiscent, his words heavy and his sentences anchoring to the reality Ksaver presented to him a little over a decade ago.

“All of our grief, all our suffering, it has no place in this world. It exists in us, perpetuated by the fear we instill in the people. And so, if we had never existed in the first place, neither would our torment nor the fright titans cause.”

You nod, your gaze a tad distant, as the ball soars towards you. 

Tom Ksaver had been enthralled when Zeke had proposed the eradication of all Eldians, via the elimination of their ability to reproduce. Both men were governed by their trauma, its invisible hands molding the clay of their stories. 

Ksaver’s dead wife and son pushed him to seek a grandiose way to end his life. He looked for the son who never got the chance to grow up in Zeke, and was comforted when their views intersected. He died with Zeke as his successor in titan, research, and objectives.

Zeke’s trauma had defined his goals. Always going against what Grisha had traced in his future, and yet still being so cosmically intertwined with the man. He had gained solace when he believed he had found someone similar in his younger brother. 

Through the same circular glasses, their point of view was equally clouded by their experiences. 

“I am… very sorry it had to come to this.”

Zeke shrugs. “It's not your responsibility to apologize, kid. You weren’t even born into this world–how could you possibly bear its burden?”

You suppose he is right. Zeke’s point of view hung on the divine burden the sins of their forefathers had placed at their backs, and you, without a drop of Eldian blood in your veins to damn you, were guiltless before the slaughter. 

You double up on the commendation for his cause, hoping to secure a ticket to Paradis Island among the Volunteers.

“Still. I find it honorable how you chose to shoulder this responsibility.”

The statement deals in half truths. 

You truly are in awe of Zeke’s determination and conviction in his own plan, regardless of the abhorrent nature of it. But he doesn’t need to know of your disagreement, just of your admiration. 

You swear you see his eyes get misty before he turns his head to the side, effectively blocking you from confirming it. Soft coos in the trees rise in nature’s harmony, and you watch as Zeke adjusts his glasses, discreetly wiping away stray teardrops before they become apparent. 

You and Zeke talk well into dusk, only retiring inside when the sun dips beneath the horizon, giving way to the first stars in the sky. No agreement is reached, and Zeke skitters around the subject for the remainder of the conversation. 

The fire crackles beneath the stove as Zeke whips together a small dinner, and the smell of toasted bread fills the kitchen’s air.

“ –and I’m just saying,” you continue with your side of the argument, “who do you think your brother would have an easier time trusting? A bunch of adults who he views as enemies? Or someone his age, who can pose as a victim from Marley?” 

“That’s true,” Zeke acknowledges, most likely remembering the single time they met, along with Reiner’s account. “He is rather… brash.”

You don’t tell him that it was Eren who originally sought out Yelena, to then pretrend to be on board with Zeke’s plan. Trust was a minor detail in the equation, and Eren simply relied on his future memories and carefully built facade to get him through. In the end, he didn’t need to trust them, just manipulate them enough so they could be useful.

“So I can go? Please?”

“Eat your dinner.”

“But-”

“You were sick yesterday, eat your dinner.”

Like a moody teenager, you huff at Zeke’s reply, shoveling a slice of bread into your mouth. The jam in it was delicious, but you weren't about to compliment the cooking of the chef when the chef in question was being a jerk and avoiding the topic. 

“Whatever,” you mumble between bites. 

One would think you were arguing about some party you didn't have permission to go to, or some unjust punishment caused by failing grades. Certainly not a world-altering conspiracy and a trip to the dubbed Devil’s Island. 

Zeke stands up with a sigh, and you look at him questioningly as he walks out the kitchen. Damn, you think. Had your pleading finally annoyed him into an early bedtime?

You don't wait alone for long, though, and Zeke once again enters the kitchen after the sound of rummaging in the adjacent room ceases. His hands hold a sheet of paper and a pencil, you notice, as he walks towards you.

The chair Zeke pulls screeches against the floor, and he sits down next to you. A pencil and paper are placed in front of you, the writing utensil rolling towards your hand. You take it before it falls, and your eyes dart between the paper and Zeke. 

There, in scribbled writing, lies another twenty six symbol alphabet, different from the Marleyan one you’ve been learning. The unfamiliar runes stare back at you, and you tilt your head with furrowed brows, trying to decipher the meaning of Zeke’s offering. 

“What is this?” you ask, pointing at the sheet with the pencil in your hand. 

“The Eldian alphabet,” Zeke answers. 

Your eyes widen, and your gaze flits between them both. 

“Wait. So I'm…?”

“Yes.” Zeke nods as he takes a seat again. “I’ll have to talk to Yelena, rework some points of the plan. But you are going to Paradis.”

Your sudden hug catches Zeke by surprise, and you squeeze him tightly, wanting to transmit the depths of your gratitude. Finally, finally some of your anxieties about your fate in this world will be quelled.

“Thank you,” you mumble against his shoulder. 

“Of course.” He pats your back comfortingly. “And you better not slack off on Marleyan either, Gabi told me you still struggle with fluent reading.”

The sentimental atmosphere shatters. That snitch. 

“Give me a break, old man, I started learning it only a few weeks ago.”

“Sure.”

You pull away from the hug, rolling your eyes at his comments. Zeke chuckles, and his gray eyes find yours again.

“I’ll get you home, kid. I promise.”

taglist: @dressycobra7 @xngelsau @bloodchapell @i-think-im-adorable13

ask or comment to be added!

[writerofjourneys]

Hi! If requests are still open, could I request Akira/Joker with a female reader who's a phenomenal cook?

Making him lunches, snacks, and occasionally breakfast and dinner too. Boy's bout to be spoiled.

Cooking for Joker

Fandom(s): Persona 5

P5 Protagonist/Joker x Fem Reader

Headcanon

Content: Fluff, romance, food, established relationship, marriage, married life, aged up characters, cooking, domesticity, soft Joker, taking care of each other, affection, declarations of love.

Warnings: None.

Main List | 𝐉𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐫

As the leader of the Phantom Thieves, Akira is busy preparing for heists and fighting Shadows. But not just for being a leader of a mysterious infamous group, he’s busy everywhere. Ranking up confidants, fusing Personas, stocking supplies, studying, Akira’s been dealt with a lot of responsibilities since he got to Tokyo.

Eating at Big Bang Burger all the time and doing those challenges isn’t healthy on a regular basis. He does eat out with the team and his confidants sometimes. And Sojiro does cook breakfast for him on occasion.

But he will have a tendency to overwork himself and forget his own needs. He’s also taking care of Morgana, another mouth to feed besides himself. During lunchtime, Akira would either share his meal or just give it to Morgana.

Though since Morgana is known to keep track of his bedtime, the cat will make reminders for him to eat. The talking feline does pride himself for being responsible.

But you making food for him will send his heart soaring. He’s a lanky male, not too thin, but not so muscular, so he could still go for some more meat in his bones. It’s not only a sweet gesture but also an efficient way to help feed your hardworking boyfriend. He may even blush a little from the adoring sentiment.

Making bentos for him? Touching. Making matching bentos for the two of you? Adorable. Especially if you’re putting great details in the lunches, like making cute faces in the shape of animals and such. Akira will tease that it looks far better to admire, but he’ll happily finish the bento until there’s nothing left. He’s never been a picky eater so he’s open to try anything you make.

Learning about your cooking skills definitely impresses him. Akira likes to improve his own culinary abilities. Working with Sojiro behind the counter helped him discover that passion. So being a phenomenal cook, he’d gladly ask for tips and advice once in a while.

Akira finds himself astounded that someone like him, someone carrying a false criminal record serving probation in an unfamiliar place alone, could have such a loving girlfriend caring for him. He always makes sure to not let you forget his own affections and how much everything you do means.

It becomes a routine for you two to meet up at lunchtime and eat together. Sitting side by side closely, across with legs touching. There’s no doubt that Akira will happily reciprocate in taking turns making meals for you both. A good way to practice his cooking skills despite his busy schedule. If you were to ever be unable to make it, Akira will feel your absence greatly.

Breakfast? Probably best to have something easier to eat as you walk to Shujin side by side on weekdays. It is true as they say that to a person’s heart in general is through the stomach. If you stopped by carrying food filled containers to eat at LeBlanc, Sojiro has no problem with it. He does agree that Akira should be mindful of eating. Depending on if said containers are washable, he’ll let you keep them at the café until you take them back.

Feeding each other is a thing in private. When no one is there, Akira will offer a piece of food to your lips, expression cheeky. It’s something you’d only do behind closed doors.

And in reverse, he’s happy to welcome a spoonful from you. Wiping a stain on his mouth gets him a bit bashful. A napkin? Cute. Your own tongue? Now his face got even redder.

But beware, the leader of the Phantom Thieves has tricks up his sleeve. He’ll reciprocate the action in a sneaky way to tease back.

Dates spent cooking and eating together is very domestic and wholesome. Trying new recipes, sharing some, it’s a lovely way to spend time with one another. Though you’d probably spend that in your home rather than his. Because as nice as the coffee and curry is at the café, you’d have more privacy and space to work on. Akira always has a look in his eyes when he gazes upon you, so much so it makes you bashful every time you see it.

Food turns into a new love language between you.

And once you become adults? Naturally, living together is expected after the deepening of your relationship growing from being high school sweethearts. Cooking together becomes a real staple in your household. Working different jobs may not always let you cook together, but having the thoughtfulness of making food for the other is still as meaningful.

[fairyboygenius]

everywhere, everything

simon “ghost” riley x original female character

a/n: hi guys! i’m so excited to start this fic. allie is so??? one of my favorite ocs i’ve ever made, to be honest. she’s just perfect to me i fear. her and simon are gonna be so hhhhh anyways enjoy the fic!

no warnings for this chapter except for simon acknowledging he’s a little weirdo and implications to the fact that graves fucking sucks

fic under the cut love u mwah

Time isn’t real anymore, Allie’s decided. How could it be? After a transatlantic flight, plus a train ride through the English countryside, the world seemed fuzzier, cool breeze almost soothing her to sleep.

“Look alive, Bishop,” Kate Laswell gently chided, bumping Allie’s elbow with her own. “We’re almost there.”

Allie bit her lip, the words “are we there yet?” on the tip of her tongue. It’s nowhere near professional to whine to your soon-to-be boss about the journey she took for you. No matter if you’ve known that boss for seven years and been through absolute hell together. After a certain point, professionalism dissipates.

“You said that after the plane. And after we got lost in the Underground. And after King’s Cross. ‘Almost’ implies a degree of soonness.” Allie knew she was being unnecessarily literal. Jet lag wore away any pretense and spoons to mask.

Kate shook her head, a smile creeping at her features. “Eat your dinner.”

“Yes, mom.” Allie sipped her water, putting her headphones back on to try to enjoy the train food. Kate huffed, a fond-yet-annoyed expression on her face.

“Lola doesn’t seem to mind the long ride.” Kate laughed as the black lab nudged her hand, tail thumping restlessly against Allie’s leg. “You’re being a good girl, aren’t you?”

Allie ran an absentminded hand over Lola’s head, giving her a quick scratch between the ears. “You sure they’ll be okay having her on base?”

“She’s your service dog. Not like they can say no.”

“They can, actually. I looked it up. Even though I’m in a non-combat role, she can be removed-“

“-If there’s reasonable threat to your or her life,” Kate finished, giving her a comforting smile. “No one’s gonna take her away from you when you’re doing your medic duties. You need Lo to do your job and do your job well. Everyone’s getting briefed about it right now. If anyone gives you hell about it, you come to me.”

Allie nodded. “You know I’m not good with confrontation.”

“But I am.” Kate smiled. “Those boys shouldn’t give you hell- half of ‘em would probably meet the criteria for a diagnosis themselves. If you need space, unless you are actively doing surgery or in a literal war zone, you have permission to go to your room and take a breather. Anyone fights you on this, you can come to me. Got it?”

Allie nodded again, leaning her head against the train window. Lola rested her head on her human’s thigh, and Allie stroked her head absentmindedly. Letting the feeling of Lola’s fur between her fingers ground her.

Kate sighed, taking her other hand. “I know things didn’t go well for you with the Shadow Company, and everything with Philip…”

“Can we not bring him up?” Allie winced, sipping more water. “He’s dead. It’s in the past for me now. And I don’t really want to talk anymore, if that’s alright.”

Kate nodded, content as Allie put her headphones on and closed her eyes. The twinge of maternal concern on her face disappeared soon after, and she turned back to her book as they inched closer and closer to base.

“Captain, a fifth member o’ the team? We’re not enough of a headache for ye?”

Price shook his head, rolling his eyes fondly. The three of them sat in front of him, on the overstuffed common room couch. Johnny was twirling a pen between his fingers, Kyle couldn’t really keep his eyes off his phone, and Simon… well, Simon was just staring into space.

It had been an okay day for him, so far. A good workout, above average meals. Paperwork seemed less burdensome, or maybe his brain was finally embracing the distraction it provided. The scars from his recent mission in Russia were healing well.

Then Price had called them in.

“Lads… calm down.” Price was massaging his temples. Clearly, Johnny had forgotten to take his meds that morning. “She’s gonna be our resident medic- and yes, it’s a bird, the fraternization rules still apply.” He took a drag from his cigar. “Laswell sent over a whole presentation on ‘er. They’ve known each other for a while, apparently.”

“We’ve got a whole medbay, can’t we pluck one of them to be a 141 specialist?” Kyle leaned back on his elbows. “No offense to her.”

“Laswell would like to introduce a new person. The hope is for you to bond with her because she’ll be living on the 141 floor, participating in workouts and team bonding and she’ll be going on missions with us. We’ve noticed that you lot tend to put off medic visits or not go to the medbay when you need to, so having an on-team medic will hopefully reduce the amount of bigger health problems that spiral from you lot ignoring smaller ones.”

“You’re just as bad as the rest of us about that,” Simon scoffed.

Price grumbled. “Guess this is for me too, then.”

“So tell us about ‘er.” Soap leaned forward slightly, looking up at the screen. “What’s her name?”

Price clicked to the next slide. A picture popped up- a redhead, body luxurious and full, a black labrador puppy on her lap. Her smile was a bit shy, brown eyes shining as the puppy licks the side of her face. Simon’s eyes traced over her features, across her broad shoulders and collarbone, down over her breasts- the black tank top she’s wearing in the picture has a low neckline- and to where the photo ends, her bare thighs crossed as she sits. He swallowed. Shit.

“This is Lieutenant Allison Bishop- she goes by Allie,” Price said. “Laswell’s known her since she was 19, when she graduated basic. She is autistic and struggles with loud noises, so she likely will have some form of hearing protection on when we’re in the field. The puppy is Lola, who’s now Allie’s service dog- she’ll travel with us, and has her own hearing protection. Allie’s getting her own room, obviously, and bathroom, but she’ll share schedules and meal times. When we’re in mission-specific training, she’ll be working in the medbay and helping out where they need it. We can’t hog her forever.”

Like hell we can’t, Simon thought.

“Can we pet the dog?” Gaz looked so excited, Simon could almost sense the mood shift. Price sighed.

“Afraid that’s a negative,” their captain said. “Lola is working when she’s with Allie, and unless Allie gives you explicit permission to, you can’t pet her.”

“Pet Allie or Lola?” Simon can’t resist asking.

Price groaned. “Neither without the explicit permission of Allie.”

“So when’s she gettin’ here?”

“She’s on the train from London to Hereford with Laswell as we speak. She’ll be probably be all moved in and ready to work by tomorrow morning.” Price sighed. “From what Laswell said, she’s not exactly the most outgoing person around new people, so she may get overwhelmed and be kind of closed off at first. It may take her a bit to really warm up to us besides just simple kind professionalism.”

“Oi, Cap’n, dinnae worry about tha’.” Soap grinned. “We can be whatever she needs.” He winked, and Gaz faked a gag. Simon just groaned, reaching up to rub his own temples.

“Oh, real mature,” he grumbled. “We dismissed?”

Price nods. “Behave, lads. I’ll see you muppets at breakfast.”

They walked out of the common room together, headed towards the hallway that stored all their rooms. It would be an early night- a luxury, Simon was well aware, not often afforded on the field. He was fully ready to settle in with a book and a glass of bourbon when he saw the sign on the door next to his.

Welcome, Lieutenant Bishop!

Fuck. He was gonna stay away from her, give her some space to accommodate to the new environment first before making his move. It’d be the nice thing to do, after all- let ‘er settle in, get into a routine, hopefully not scare her off with his whole… thing. (He’s nothing if not self aware.)

But if she was right there… they’d be running into each other in the hallways. He could probably walk her back and forth from their rooms, seeing as she wouldn’t know her way around the base. Maybe even invite her in for a cuppa, or a drink if they clicked… not that Simon was any more competent at social interactions. Especially not with beautiful women.

Beautiful women who he couldn’t be with, no matter how much he wanted to be.

He flopped back onto his bed, letting out a long huff. Fine, he’d be civil. Not necessarily nice, but civil. He’d just have to hope that she’d be charmed by his unsettling gazes and grunts… somehow.

Fuck.

[fruitcoops]

Falling for Forever

Two for two on deadlines, baby! Ignore the fact that it’s been 11 months. This fic put me through the absolute wringer and now I get to stand on it and witch-cackle in victory. Almost 11k words of physical, mental, emotional, and...all those other types of healing. Bon appetit, babes! Character credit goes to @lumosinlove, to whom I owe my heart and soul for building this universe.

TW for past injury/ memory loss, working through trauma

Part One: What You Have, What You Hate (the amnesia fic)

Part Two: Sirius Love Yourself and Remus Get Therapy, Electric Boogaloo

It just wasn’t fair.

Sirius was fine. Honestly, genuinely, from the bottom of his heart—he was fine. Sure, some days his head hurt more than others. Sometimes he’d wonder where he put his phone when it was still in his hand, or enter a room and forget why he went there in the first place, but those weren’t new occurrences. He could walk and talk and remember just about everything from his life, with the notable exception of the ten minutes before the hit.

But Remus hadn’t slept properly in days, and Coach wouldn’t let him back out on the ice, and the whole damn thing just reeked of pity he didn’t want. Pity he didn’t need.

Remus’ hands flickered over him, tucking and retucking the sheets until Sirius caught his wrists and pressed a kiss to each pulse point. His broad shoulders sagged. “I’m being a bother again, aren’t I,” Remus muttered. He shook his head without waiting for a response. “Fuck, I am, I’m sorry.”

“You’re not being a bother.”

“No, I totally am—”

“You’re not,” Sirius repeated. The shadows under Remus’ eyes lightened every day, but still lingered. He looked threadbare, his voice thin, like someone had taken an eraser to his edges. He held Sirius tighter at night than he ever had before. The worried crease between his brows smoothed when Sirius pulled him down to sit on the mattress with a small smile. “Lay down, I’m cold.”

Tension had been holding Remus up like a second skeleton for days now, ever since they had been discharged from the hospital and promptly collapsed into bed for ten hours. Sirius had only seen it release him in deep sleep—a fleeting event at best. It was like the hospital had followed them home and seeped into the walls, staining Remus’ vision until they were right back where they started.

Remus turned out the lamp and curled into his usual spot against Sirius’ chest, shuffling around until he was comfortable; Sirius splayed a hand between his shoulder blades and tucked his nose into soft curls. Of all the aftershocks he had prepared himself for, the fatigue had snuck up on them both. “Bonne nuit, mon coeur,” he whispered.

“Night, baby.” Lips brushed the peak of Sirius’ cheek before Remus snuggled up once more.

Kiss me, and I’ll know, Sirius had said into the inch of space between them on a paper-thin hospital pillow. And Remus had, because he was made of everything light and good and kind in the world. It had been six days since they came home; two weeks since the hit. That remained the only time Remus had kissed him on the mouth. Sirius closed his eyes against the ache in his chest and readied himself to try and rest.

--

That first night home had been distilled bliss. They showered together—showered, dear god how Sirius had missed that—and Remus had washed his hair and the spots he couldn’t reach with reverent hands. They were both so, so tired from the endless discharge paperwork and so, so silently afraid to step away from each other for more than a few seconds. Remus was shaky, but happy. Contented. Solid in Sirius’ arms when they finally laid in their own bed after days upon days. They spooned the whole night and into the morning, neither budging an inch.

“We should eat,” Remus had sighed when the sun was finally too high to ignore. His hand moved in slow strokes, tracing from Sirius’ hand to his elbow and back again, just to touch. The intimacy of the movement settled something deep inside them both if his drowsy smile was anything to go by.

They stayed in bed for another hour in comfortable silence before their empty stomachs won out. Even in the kitchen, Sirius had hugged Remus from behind with his chin propped on a well-muscled shoulder to watch him cook. “Mon coeur,” he murmured into the shirt that had once been his. The smell of the hospital was long gone and the fabric was soft. “Mon loup, mon amour.”

He had trailed his mouth along the curve of Remus’ neck and held him close. The frayed edges began to ease.

The routine came easily. Nothing else did, so Sirius had to be a little grateful for it. They left social media to its conspiring and only spoke to family, face-to-face on the doctor’s orders. Leo meal-prepped like a madman; they could hardly keep Dumo out of the house; Lily brought Harry over in an obvious ploy to distract Sirius while their husbands fixed the leaky faucet, though he wasn’t offended by their caution. If it were James on the injured list, he would have swaddled him in bubble wrap at the first opportunity.

“Hey.” A kiss feathered Sirius’ temple and he looked up from his crossword, blinking back the memories. Remus perched on the table with a smile he couldn’t help but mirror, clad in a sweater that brought out the hearth-warm brown in his eyes.

“Bonjour,” he managed, a little breathless.

“Wanna go for a walk?”

“Really?” The doctors’ definition of his permitted ‘minimal exercise’ amounted to literally walking up and down the stairs—even a wander around the block was pushing his luck. Sirius had tried extraordinarily hard not to be jealous when Remus took Hattie out every few hours so she didn’t destroy their couch pillows with excess bursts of energy, but it felt like he was a toddler in time-out. “A real walk?”

“A real walk,” Remus confirmed. He ran his fingers through the hair above Sirius’ ears and Sirius nuzzled into it with a kiss to his palm. That touch had kept him grounded at his lowest point. He knew better than to take it for granted, now.

“What about a run?” he asked, cracking a grin at the eye-roll it earned him.

And Remus laughed. The sound sent butterflies careening through his stomach; it hadn’t been absent since his fall, but it had been…well, a little rare, if he was being honest. More rare than his mostly-reliable memory told him it should be. Remus was joy incarnate, but he had been so tired lately. It was good to see him shine again, even for a moment.

Sirius pulled him in by the sleeve and kissed the corner of his mouth, tasting the last bits of humor that lingered there. Not the lips. Not until Remus was ready. “I love you.”

Remus turned until their foreheads rested together and their noses bumped. He was smiling softly. “Love you, too.”

--

“Baby?”

Sirius made a noise of acknowledgement, but didn’t budge. His hands were warm in his pockets, and the sun was hot on his windburned face. Hattie’s collar jingled; he smiled when her nose pushed into his thigh and Remus’ arm looped through his own. “Hey. Good run?”

“That hydrangea was a real threat to our safety.”

Sirius grinned and opened his eyes to kiss the top of Remus’ head. Fresh air seeped into his blood, replacing the stale sludge he had been dragging around all week. Finally, he felt human. “I’m sure it was.”

“Excuse me?”

They both startled, stepping apart. “Yes?” Remus said, his tone curious but a little tense. “Can we help you?”

A young man shifted from foot to foot, as if he couldn’t quite believe they had acknowledged him. It seemed whatever (certainly invasive) question he was going to ask had become stuck in his throat. Sirius arched a brow and saw him swallow hard. “Are you—are you okay?” the young man finally got out.

There it is. Sirius forced a smile and knew it came out tight by the sudden regret on the other man’s face. “I’m fine, thank you.”

“You’re sure?”

I’d be a lot more sure if you fucked off and let me enjoy my walk. “Very sure,” he promised.

The young man’s dark eyes flickered between them before settling on Sirius’ forehead. His beanie covered the small bandage, but that didn’t seem to dissuade him from staring. “You were in the hospital for, like…a while.”

“Just a few days,” Remus assured him. Sirius felt a light squeeze on his hand and returned it in a silent request; a gust of wind snuck down the back of his coat and raised goosebumps along his arms.

“Will you play at the next game?”

Sirius exhaled slowly through his nose as something bitter crawled up and stained his teeth. “We’re waiting on the go-ahead from the doctors,” Remus said placatingly. “Better safe than sorry. Thanks for your concern, though. Enjoy the weather.”

They were walking before the man could open his mouth again—Remus’ knuckles were white on Hattie’s leash and she had to trot to keep up with them, her fluffy tail bobbing happily. Sirius ground his back teeth so hard they squeaked. “Remus—”

“Don’t,” Remus murmured, clear and clipped. “Don’t go there, baby, it’s not worth it.”

“I need to play.” He did. He needed to play. He needed to not sit at home for another week, two weeks, a month, and pretend he was alright with it. Six days were manageable. Six more would send him over the edge. If he had to spend another beautiful afternoon cooped up in the house...

“You’ll play when you’re ready.”

“I am ready.”

Remus stopped cold, jostling both him and Hattie. He took a fortifying breath, mouth pressed into an unhappy line. “Please don’t do that,” he said quietly. “Sirius, just—don’t. You know I hate being the bad guy with this kind of thing.”

Sirius looked away. He did know that. He had seen how miserable Remus was when he had to bully Sirius into doing his exercises when his ribs were broken, how it had killed him when Sirius couldn’t put his fatal fucking pride aside for two seconds to heal. Guilt made his stomach squirm. “I’m sorry,” he finally said. “But I—I need to play.”

“I know.” Remus’ eyes found his own then, gloved hands wrapping around Sirius’ wrists with something like desperation. “Believe me, I get it and I’m sorry and this has got to be the worst feeling. But this is different than your ribs, okay? We can’t afford to backslide. This isn’t some sort of—fucking punishment, I promise.”

God, he hated spoiling perfectly nice days because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. His winter clothes made his skin prickle. “I feel fine, Re.”

“But you’re not.” Remus turned Sirius’ face back with a touch to his jaw and he went willingly, even though he wanted to see anything but the hurt in Remus’ eyes. Since when was he so terrible at listening? “Not yet. We’ll start here and work our way up. I won’t talk to the press about it after games. You don’t owe people like him a thing. Don’t make this harder for yourself by letting them get under your skin.”

Sirius took a deep breath. The steam of his exhale clouded the curls spilling out from under Remus’ hat. He had known this would happen the second someone asked about his health—it was his rookie season all over again, shooting pucks in the basement because he didn’t know what else to do. Remus deserved better than what Sirius had done to himself. “Let’s do another loop around the park.”

--

Remus had cried the third night. The days were easy; they could cuddle and cook and Remus would read to him while he napped, still drained from a week of hospitalization. They could watch one TV episode every evening and got permission to throw their diet plans out the window to enjoy some treats in celebration.

At two o’clock in the morning, Remus had bolted upright in bed and shaken Sirius awake, rattling off an endless stream of questions that Sirius couldn’t respond to. Not because he didn’t know the answers, but because he had been unconscious about four seconds prior and was still technically concussed.

“Non,” he had mumbled, grappling against waking and batting sleepily at the thing holding his shoulders.

A strangled sob had answered and Remus’ touch disappeared like he was touching hot coals. By the time Sirius registered enough of the world to attempt reassurance, all he could do was hold Remus and silently curse himself. Do you know me? Remus had asked. Sirius had given him the one wrong answer. Done the one wrong movement.

It was three o’clock when Remus finally let sleep take him again, slumping into Sirius’ side with tears drying on his face. Sirius laid them down and watched light play over the ceiling from the street. When Remus woke again at nine, he didn’t say a word about the nightmare, just turned into the hollow of Sirius’ neck and let his hand rest above his heart. Though Remus slept fitfully over the following nights, he hadn’t cried again.

They were working on it.

--

“Out.”

“But I—”

“Out,” Leo repeated, making a shooing motion with his spatula. Sirius muttered something under his breath and trekked back into the living room with a last kiss to his husband’s cheek, working up a scowl like he was getting paid for it.

“Impressive,” Remus remarked around a mouthful of chips from his seat on the counter; his gaze lingered on Sirius’ retreating back while Leo poured sauce over the stuffed pasta and popped the whole pan in the oven.

Leo set a timer, wiped his hands on his pants, then cast one more look out the kitchen door to make sure their respective boys were out of sight before turning to Remus with his arms crossed. “What’s up?”

Remus’ chewing slowed. “Just…having chips.”

“Loops.”

“Did you want some?”

Stubborn bastard. Leo pushed himself onto the counter next to Remus and gave him a look his mother would be proud of. “What’s going on? I’m worried about you, man.”

But rather than throwing the chips aside and spilling his heart out—not that Leo was expecting it from Remus ‘Brick Wall’ Lupin, though a guy could dream—Remus closed his eyes and exhaled long and slow. “You are the third person to say that in 24 hours, Knutty. I’m good. If I wasn’t, I would talk to someone about it.”

“See, if you had ever done that even once in your life, I would believe you.”

“I’m doing great,” Remus insisted. Leo wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince. “Sirius is home, he’s healing, he’s making progress, we’re fine.”

The distant look in his eyes was gone, but something in his face was still too heavy. Leo hadn’t heard him crack a joke or seen a real smile all day. He chewed the inside of his lip and raised his eyebrows, and watched Remus’ resolve crumble. “I didn’t ask about Sirius, Re,” he said. “I asked about you.”

“I’m not the one who had amnesia.”

“No, you’re the one whose husband had amnesia, and that’s pretty fucking traumatic.” Remus shoved another handful of chips into his mouth with an unhappy crunch; Leo hesitated for a moment, then shuffled closer until their sides touched. Remus tensed. “I’m not trying to push you, but I need you to know that I’m here and I want to talk when you’re ready. I can’t imagine how hard the last couple weeks have been.”

He had tried, the night he went to get Regulus. Every part of him felt full of pure energy—every red light had made him twitchy as the events of the day replayed in his head on constant loop. But picturing himself in Remus’ shoes, and Finn or Logan shoving him away from their bedside with a stay the hell away from me or that fragile, frightened confusion...that had taken the wind right out of his sails. He nearly turned around to go home then and there.

“It sucks.” Remus didn’t look away from the oven timer. “That’s kind of all there is to it, you know? It happened. It sucks. We’re working on it.”

Leo nudged him, just a little. A single crack in Remus’ careful walls was progress. “It does suck,” he agreed. “Have you been alone yet?”

“I mean, yeah, you guys are the first visitors in a couple—”

“Have you been alone yet?” Leo repeated.

Remus was quiet for a few seconds, then swallowed hard. “I fixed the faucet with James, but I can’t…I can’t. I don’t think either of us can right now.”

“Okay.”

Remus’ eyes flickered up to him. “Okay?”

“I’m not a therapist.” Leo shrugged one shoulder and tried for a smile. “I’m your friend. Yes, I’m worried, but I’m not going to force you to do shit right now. I’m going to make dinner for you and a cake and then you’re going to tell me what you need a hand with so you can focus on dealing with this instead of, like, cleaning your windows.”

The kitchen was starting to smell like manicotti, cheesy and warm and full of tomato. Remus set the chips down and tucked his hands under his legs with a shake of his head. Ever so slightly, he leaned into Leo. Success. “I wish this never happened.”

Leo sighed. “Me, too.”

“I wish I had caught him in time.”

“I was closer than you were.” The guilt had been so raw at first, but it was scabbing over. Dwelling on the past wouldn’t fix the present. “Are you mad at me?”

“Fuck, no.”

“There was nothing we could’ve done fast enough, Re.”

Remus scrubbed his hands down his face, then linked them at the back of his neck. “I need to talk to Heather.”

Relief crashed over Leo in a tidal wave; he took Remus by the shoulders and pulled him in for a brief, fierce hug that drew an ‘ope’ of surprise out of him. “I really didn’t want to bring it up but yes, you do, and I will drive you there myself if you want.”

Remus laughed weakly, but didn’t try to pull away. “Is it bad that I want to lay on the floor for at least twelve hours?”

“I might suggest the couch instead, for the sake of your old-man joints.”

“Watch it, Knut.”

“Keep that up and you’re not getting extra sauce.” It was an empty threat and they both knew it, but it was worth it for Remus’ snort of amusement. Leo squeezed him in a quick pulse. “Fuck, dude, I missed you.”

Leo felt some of the iceberg-sized worry slough away at the tentative press of Remus’ hands on his back. In the other room, Logan and Sirius were already laughing. “Will you hide some of the manicotti so I can reheat it later?” Remus mumbled.

“There’s a whole pan in the back of the fridge behind your gross coconut water.”

“The kind Sirius hates?”

“Pre-cisely.”

“You’re a godsend.”

“I get that a lot.”

--

Lily sipped her tea with the same energy as a wolf watching a lame, juicy rabbit from across a riverbank. When Remus said as much, she cracked a smile. “Just thinking.”

“Huh, there’s a first.”

“Fuck you, too.” He felt a light kick to his shin under the table and feigned injury, just to watch her face scrunch in a snort. “Spoke to the hubs.”

“Yours or mine?”

“The less hot one.”

“And how is Pots today?”

“Looking DILF-ier every minute. That man needs another baby. But actually, Re, I think you and Sirius should talk.”

He raised his brows. “Is that so?”

“Sounds like somebody has been squishing all those gross, nasty feelings back into the little box he just got them out of.”

“Oh, Jesus, it is not that bad—”

He jumped when Lily touched the back of his hand. Something knowing had overtaken the laughter on her face. “Remus, you need to talk to someone.”

“I’m seeing Heather on Thursday.”

“Good.” She set her teacup down and took his hand between both of her own, twisting his ring. “I’m worried about you.”

“Take a number.”

“Can you stop for, like, two seconds and let me try to help? I’m bad at this. Have some mercy.”

Something wriggled with discomfort inside him, but he put his cup on the table. “Lils…”

“Calm down, we’re not here to therapize each other. We’re here to have fun and watch bad TV and you’re going to let me paint your nails later. But—” She held her hand up when he made a face. “But first, I’m going to do my job as your best friend and tell you that some people think the patented Remus Lupin Avoidance Tactic isn’t going to work with this extraordinarily terrible event.”

“What people?”

“You know what people.”

Unfortunately, he did. Sirius, Talker, Leo, Lily…the side effect of a supportive family was having all kinds of people up in his business. Even more unfortunately, they were probably right. “Leo talked to me,” he admitted. “It helped. And I really am going to see Heather, and I’m going to try to—I don’t know, let go a little.”

Lily laced their fingers together the way he had done for her the night she found out about Harry. Her next breath came out less steady. “That means you have to let us take care of you, okay? Even if you’re busy taking care of Sirius. He’s got medical experts to do the heavy lifting. You’ve got Remus experts.”

“Lily, I’m not the injured one,” he said quietly.

“This hurt you, too.” The green of her eyes looked a little misty before she glanced away. “Holy shit, Remus, this hurt all of us, but I don’t ever want to watch you hurt like that again. I love Sirius to death but he’s got stuff to work through that you can’t fix. If you’re so worried about helping, then please let us help you.”

“I can’t ask that.”

“That’s why I’m offering.”

An exhale got stuck in his chest and he coughed lightly; Lily tilted her head back with a sniffle. Christ on a crutch, this whole vulnerability thing is harder than it sounds. “Leo made us dinner the other night. Talker and I are going skating on Saturday. I’m trying.”

“I know,” she said. “I know you are. But if it had been James that fell, and I was the one in your spot, what would you do?”

I wouldn’t leave your side. He started to answer, then faltered. Lily’s mouth turned down at the corner. “Oh, shit,” he said thickly. Across the table, Lily nodded. “Oh—I have been awful to you.”

“No, no, no, I’m not mad.” The pressure of her hands on his own increased, like she was trying to push it into him.

“I’m scared.” His voice wobbled and he blew out a sharp breath. In the blur of his vision, their hands were the same vague lump. How could he be so self-absorbed? How could he push them all away without even knowing it? He opened and closed his mouth. I need help. I need help. It was right there, but all that came out was, “Lily.”

She tugged on his sleeve; in the space between breaths, they were hugging. Her breaths hitched under his hands a few times before calming, and Remus shut his eyes tight and held her closer. I hurt you. I’m sorry. He knew she wouldn’t accept an apology. That didn’t mean he couldn’t think it with all his heart. Somehow, she would hear it.

“All you have to do is let us be there,” she rasped, pulling away to hold him at arms’ length with a light shake. “We want to. You’re scared and that’s fine and nobody is angry with you. Just talk to us. Talk to Sirius.”

He nodded mutely. When Lily brought him close again, he didn’t pretend he needed anything else.

--

The isolation was what killed him most. They were given no privacy—fuck the media and fuck the inventor of cell phone cameras, motherfuckers the lot of them—and so Sirius saw it all. Everything he didn’t remember. Everything he had tried to forget. Remus, pale and frightened with Sirius’ blood on his fingers. Remus, unable to let go of his hand when the medics pulled Sirius onto the stretcher until James pried him off. Remus, tucked in on himself in the lobby outside Sirius’ room looking like he had been flayed inside out.

So he understood. He got it. The trauma, the pain. What he didn’t understand was why Remus wouldn’t let him in anymore.

It hurt a little (a lot) to hear Remus rustling around and know he wouldn’t get a kiss even if he asked. And when he did ask, his request would be met with a wan smile and a brush of lips to his cheek, chin, forehead, everywhere but his lips. There was love in those touches—he could feel it radiating—but the reckless abandon was gone.

It was like Remus wanted to melt into the walls. It was like he wanted to melt and leave Sirius behind entirely.

God, it was always him, wasn’t it? Always his fault. Everything that went wrong in Sirius’ life would track right back around in an endless circle to the laundry list of wrong decisions. The ache of knowing Remus didn’t want him anymore was constant and painful like a broken ankle, but the absolute fucking terror of being shut out was a killstroke Sirius had never wanted to imagine.

He didn’t like the person he was before Remus. He didn’t want to know what would happen if the frosted front was permanent. How could he be real and solid when the one thing that reminded him he was alright was…

Was not alright. So deeply not alright in every curve and angle of his body. Sirius wasn’t foolish enough to think Remus would willingly talk about his feelings, especially at a time like this, but some silly, devoted part of him had thought Remus would at least try. He had mentioned something similar (if kinder) to Lily over crepes and hot chocolate, and a funny expression had come over her face. She had touched his wrist and smiled, but a troubled shadow remained through the rest of their lunch.

When Remus came home after their day together and said, “I asked for help” before anything else, he knew that shadow had found its mark.

“You did?”

“I did.” Remus took his time with his winter layers, hanging and folding each one with unusual care. “Lily and I had a good talk.”

“That’s—”

“I haven’t been fair to you, and I’m sorry.”

Sirius blinked. Lily, what did you do? “… for what?”

“I’ve been all over the place.” His words were coming just a touch too fast.  Remus’ hands were cool on his face, but his lips were warm when he left a kiss on each of Sirius’ cheeks, like he had been biting them again. “I was trying to do too much for you, and I should have backed off. We both needed some space to process.”

“Um. D’accord.” He kissed Remus’ forehead and felt him melt. His shoulders relaxed. His hands came to rest on Sirius’ hips. Sirius left another tentative kiss by his temple; he would take every bit of affection he could get. “Is everything okay?”

“I haven’t been fair to you,” Remus repeated.

“I—no, I heard that part.” Sirius rubbed his back carefully. Remus had grown thinner over the month, though from stress or distraction, he wasn’t sure. The notches of his spine ran in a ladder beneath Sirius’ fingertips as he gathered him closer. Perhaps Lily had succeeded where he had failed. “You’ve done more than I could have asked for, loup.” More than I deserved. Yet Remus wasn’t pulling away from him, wasn’t showing the slightest sign of discomfort under his hands. “I picked up some zucchini. And made a cake.”

Remus made a faint noise of interest where his face was pressed close to Sirius’ collarbone.

“It’s chocolate.”

That got him a pleased mumble.

Sirius risked a kiss to the top of his head and got a happy sigh in return. “Come cook with me. We’ll talk. Tell me about Lily.”

Remus blinked slowly when they parted; the nervous buzz of energy had trickled to a hum. “What about Lily?” he asked. “You just had lunch together.”

Did she tell you I moped about you? “Ouais, but you talk about other things.” He left his hand on the small of Remus’ back as they crossed the short distance to the kitchen and found no protest. Perhaps it was time for a bigger question. “You look better, mon coeur. It seems like she helped.”

Tension twitched against his palm before settling down again. Remus stretched his arms out with a groan, then went for the cutting board drawer. “She did,” he admitted after a moment. “I was—yeah, no, she helped a lot. There was a lot happening in my head that I didn’t have words for.”

“I know the feeling,” Sirius half-laughed, passing him a knife. This was good. This was progress. Before the fall, they cooked together every night. His body knew the motions even if his thoughts were a whirlwind. Remus knocked their temples together lightly. Next step. “Like what?”

“What?”

“What didn’t you have words for?”

Remus shrugged one shoulder and began slicing the stems from the zucchini. “Just…stuff. Oh, you found really good ones.”

“I’m glad.” Sirius watched him work in silence for a few seconds, stirring olive oil in a pan with no heat under it. Remus didn’t appear to notice. “Re?”

“Mmm?”

“Were you angry with me?”

“Oh, god, no.” Remus jerked his head up, his brows pitching. Something in Sirius’ expression must have given him away, because his gaze softened. “I was just scared, I think. It’s been a lot.”

“Tell me about it,” he joked.

But Remus didn’t laugh. His cheeks flushed and he turned back to the zucchini with an uncomfortable cough. Fuck. Remus tugged his lower lip between his teeth, worrying at it in a tic Sirius had been trying so hard to break him of. “I couldn’t help you. At the rink, I mean.” The knife accentuated each word with a clack. “But I could help here, and so I was trying too hard. That’s kind of my—um, that’s kind of my default.”

“Je sais,” Sirius said quietly.

“So, I’m sorry for spiraling into you when other people know how to help better.” Remus let out a shaky laugh. “God, this is hard. I’m trying to be brave about it.”

“You were brave for me.” The words were gentler than expected. The chop-chop-chop of the knife slowed, and stopped. “You stayed in a hospital for three days. You were brave for me.”

A wobbly slice of zucchini fell on the cutting board. There was a slight tremor in Remus’ hand, now. “I didn’t want you to wake up alone.”

“You were brave,” Sirius repeated. He reached out and stopped the knife, folding Remus’ fingers into his own. “I can’t imagine what that was like. Thank you.”

His shoulders shuddered. He still didn’t look up. The tremor had spread to his arms, fine and delicate under his sweater. “I would do it all again.”

“I know.” Remus sniffed at that, pressing his sleeve under his nose as if he could hide it from Sirius. A droplet hit the edge of the cutting board, staining the wood. “Mon loup.”

“For you, I would do it all again.”

“Remus,” he murmured, turning him by the shoulders until he could see Remus’ bottom lip quivering despite the turn of his handsome face. A noise caught in Remus’ throat when Sirius cupped his jaw and brushed the pad of his thumb over one damp cheek. “Re, I need you to talk to me.”

“I can’t do it,” he choked out with a slight shake of his head. “Not without you. I wouldn’t want to.”

And, fuck, if that didn’t just carve at something deep in Sirius’ insides. Remus couldn’t even look at him, his gaze somewhere between the cabinet and the floor, hidden under his too-long hair that was just starting to curl.

His next breath was almost a wheeze. “I can’t do this without you.”

“Yes, you can.” Sirius gave his arms a light squeeze. Remus was strong and solid and more grounded than anyone he knew.

The sniffs came faster, his chest hitching over and over until it became a constant shiver; he swayed forward, hands slipping from Sirius’ elbows to grip the back of his shirt like it was the only thing holding Remus on Earth, his face pressed flush to Sirius’ chest as tears began to soak through it. Sirius caught him. Held him. He tucked his face against the side of Remus’ head and let him leave all that heavy burden in his arms for just a moment longer.

“I could,” Remus admitted, so miserable Sirius had to close his eyes. “Fuck, Sirius, I could, but I would hate every second of it.”

It should be impossible to feel heartbreak for something that never happened. And yet.

Sirius shifted to rest his chin on Remus’ head while sobs turned silent in the sleeve of his shirt. He would give anything to take that pain away. His fame, his money, anything in the world—whatever it took to make sure Remus never had to wonder if he would have to keep going alone. Sirius would be dead before he left him. But he supposed that was exactly what Remus feared most.

“You don’t have to.” He whispered the promise into the soft golden hair above Remus’ ear like the greatest truth. “You don’t have to, I swear. I’m not going anywhere. I love you, and I want you, and I care about you, and I’ll never leave you.”

The big talk could come later. He was more than willing to wait.

--

Remus woke in the middle of the night to the blankets shifting and a familiar weight absent from his side. Rather than giving in to immediate panic (a far-too-frequent habit, though he hated to admit it), he reached out with a sleep-slurred question and felt around blindly until Sirius’ hand caught him. “I’m here,” Sirius said with a laugh in his voice and a kiss to his wrist. Remus hummed. Of course he was. Sirius had never left him before. “Re?”

“Mhmm?” he managed, slotting himself into Sirius’ side and throwing a leg over his thigh. He was warm and wonderful.

Sirius was quiet for a bit, idly toying with Remus’ hair. “Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

“Kiss you all the time.”

“On the lips.”

Ah, yes. Exhibit number 204 in the inventory of Remus’ weird hangups in the wake of terrible things. He was endlessly grateful for Leo and Lily—their talks had let him begin to classify the experience as actual trauma rather than dismissing himself more—but it still made him frown into Sirius’ shirt. The truth, while necessary, wouldn’t be pleasant.

“ ’m scared,” he said at last.

The hand in his hair slowed. “You’re scared… of kissing me?”

He finally blinked one eye open and checked the clock. Hours left until dawn, because they had never been able to have serious conversations in daylight. He stretched, bidding the dregs of drowsiness goodbye before he moved his head to the pillow and met Sirius’ troubled expression. Oh, god, I lost him. The words had ripped from him as he knelt on the cold floor of the hospital, disoriented and shattered, his world coming down in pieces. He had never thought it was possible, and that made it hurt even more.

Remus sighed through his nose and kissed the closest bit of Sirius he could reach. “It brought you back to me.” Kiss me, and I’ll know. “I’m still afraid it’ll take you away.”

Sirius stared at him for a long moment. “You know I was flirting with you, ouais? At the hospital. With the kiss thing.”

“I know, baby,” Remus laughed, a little bubble of happiness sliding all the way into his heart. He had missed their talks. “You were very smooth. But…I don’t know, it stuck with me. I know it doesn’t make sense. I want to kiss you all the time, and every time I try, I think about seeing you in that bed.”

Sirius’ palm nearly covered his whole cheek as he cradled Remus’ face, guiding him in to brush their noses together. “How about this bed?” he said, low and just for Remus to hear. “This is a good bed.”

Remus’ heart skipped a beat. Sirius’ lips were so close they were practically touching; he was comfortable and safe, and the hospital was far in the past. He knew what Sirius’ lips would feel like against his own, how his breath would catch after the first press. Kissing Sirius was a part of life and he loved it with his whole heart.

“You don’t have to,” Sirius whispered. Remus could feel the shape of the words on his own mouth and closed his eyes. “Re, you don’t have to, but I love you and I want you to know you’ll never lose me.”

A shuddering breath left him. He was afraid. But he could be brave at the same time.

Sirius’ breath caught when their lips met and Remus squeezed his eyes shut as tight as he could, feeling the rough scratch of stubble on his palm when he guided Sirius’ chin down for a better angle. His lips were as chapped and full as he remembered; his smile was just as sweet. Sirius let him roll them over until Remus could hover above him, supported by one elbow because he couldn’t bear to break contact now that it was in his hands again. “Re—”

Remus made a small noise and kissed him harder. No words. Nothing to take them out of this. Sirius curled a hand around his wrist and held it, his thumb rubbing circles over Remus’ pulse. It wasn’t until his lungs began to burn that he leaned back, lips sore and heart racing. “I love you,” he said around the emotion clogging every attempt at speech. A few weeks ago, that kind of kiss would have been nothing but a habit. “Sirius, you don’t even know how much I love you.”

“I know—”

“You don’t.” The memory of bright fluorescent lights bleeding in from the hall pushed at the back of his mind. His whole body tingled. When he licked his lips, he could taste Sirius’ chapstick. “I know you love me because you tell me and we spend time together and you hold me so close, but I don’t know how to tell you so that you understand.”

Sirius’ hands smoothed along his heaving sides. “I know you love me, Re. Have a little faith.”

“I have so much faith in you.” The air didn’t burn with antiseptic; their sheets were washed with plain laundry soap. “I would do anything for you. I love you so much.”

A tumble of soothing French followed and Remus sank into it, letting himself be guided back down and hugged. “This is important, so I need you to listen,” Sirius said with a scattering of kisses to his jaw. Remus forced himself to open his eyes. He would listen. He would do that for Sirius, whose gaze was determined, but not angry. Never angry. “I love you. I always have. I loved you from the second I woke up in that hospital room, even though it scared the shit out of me.”

Sirius had feared him in the hospital, had shoved him back. Get away from me.

“Please look at me.” He found Sirius again in the darkness. His calm eyes, his gentle mouth. “I’ve never doubted your love, Re. I can feel it in everything you do.”

“I try really hard,” he said, far too honestly. Sirius’ hand smoothed down his spine and Remus pressed into him. He wanted—he didn’t know what he wanted anymore. Even being held was overwhelming. Another kiss might make him pass out.

“I know.” Sirius’ voice was heavy. “I’m sorry if I made you think anything else.”

Remus shook his head. He never wanted to leave their bed. “It’s just been a lot.”

“It has. I’m so grateful for you, Re.” Lips touched his forehead. “Mon amour.”

My love. “You have no idea what you do to me,” he whispered. “Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”

“You can take your time,” Sirius said with another peck to his cheek that made him burn. “With kisses, and with—with everything.”

Hmm, no, please knock me out with your magic lips. “Can I have a goodnight kiss?”

“Ouais, mon vœu.” Sirius didn’t even try to mask the relief in his voice as Remus tilted his head up; his hand was steady under Remus’ chin when it dipped at the delicate kiss. “Fais de beaux rêves.”

He moved to pull away, but Remus chased his mouth and caught him for another. Sirius was right—this was a good bed. The sheets were familiar, the light a soft glow. It was home. They kissed at home.

He left one on the corner of Sirius’ mouth for good measure before settling back down with an arm over his ribs. The bundle of anxiety he had been carrying since they came home felt lighter. “Goodnight,” he sighed, vibrating in every limb. “I love you.”

--

Sirius knew it would feel good to be back on the ice, but he had never imagined it would feel like this. The puck found the flat of his stick just like he knew it would; the carbon fiber flexed, he squared his shoulders, and the whoosh of it sinking into the net brought nothing but joy to his whole body. Remus was right, per usual—hockey was love.

He took a wide, lazy loop while everyone else fucked around, chirping each other or fencing with their sticks or boxing, gloveless and playful. The ice was smooth under his skates; he let it carry him wherever it wanted and watched spirals form in his wake. His pads fit like a second skin, grounding him with their weight. Even his mouthguard settled just right over his teeth.

“Someone’s having a good day,” James teased, smacking the backs of his thighs as he passed. Sirius grinned, deliriously happy, and let James drag him into a hug; they collided with a familiar thump of pads. “Man, is it good to have you back out here.”

“It’s good to be back.” Five weeks was by far the longest Sirius had ever gone without skating. Even in the summers, he would find a rink or head to the basement when he got the itch. Mid-season, that number was down in the hours. His skates were home. He was finally settled in his skin.

“This captain shit is hard,” James laughed when they parted, eyes bright behind his contacts. “I’ve been doing it for a month, and I’m done.”

“Five years,” Sirius reminded him.

“I know, you fuckin’ hockey mutant.”

Sirius stole a puck out from under Finn and snapped it to James, who caught it with ease. All it took was a twitch of his brow and the game was on, keep-away across the ice with rules they both knew by heart. The cold air burned his face when he picked up speed; James’ crossovers were even better than they had been when they last played together, and Sirius smiled. A month of being captain had done him good.

The shrill chirp of Arthur’s whistle stabbed all the way to the base of his skull and nearly sent him flying into James’ back mid-dive. “Fuck—”

“Easy,” James grunted beneath his weight when he caught him. Concern had replaced the excitement on his face. “Hey, you okay?”

“I—yeah, I’m fine.” Sirius blinked and shook his head. Weird. He hadn’t had so much as a headache in two weeks, but already he could feel a faint throbbing behind his eye. He shook his head again and stood up straight, pointedly ignoring the worried looks several teammates were shooting him. He was fine. He was healed.

“I posted the schedule by the bench,” Arthur called, the whistle hanging innocently around his neck once again. “We’re doing fundamentals today, okay? Nailing down the basics is a strength of this team, so I want you to put a hundred percent of your effort into the technicalities. Save any fancy tricks for the scrimmage at the end.”

Sirius smiled to himself. He excelled at fundamentals, and if he knew Coach, those basic exercises would fall right into his wheelhouse. He wasn’t stupid—obviously it was Arthur’s way of saying ‘welcome back’, but Sirius wasn’t about to complain about a chance to show off a little and shake the rust away.

Passing drills? Easy.

Net accuracy? Piece of cake.

Puck handling? Sirius had more than enough trophies sitting at home to do it in his sleep.

He reveled in returning to the routine that had built his entire life. His stick was an extension of his arms and his skates added those few inches of height for the perspective he had been missing, always a bit too short to see things through the right frame until he was back where he belonged. His muscles burned just right; the gloomy fog lurking in the back of his head lifted under the bright lights of his favorite place.

Someone bumped his back just as he was (reluctantly) heading to the bench for a water break, and arms wound around his waist. “Hi,” Sirius laughed as momentum carried them forward.

“Hey.” Remus gave him a squeeze, then ducked under his arm. He was flushed with happiness. Sirius’ heart tripped over itself. “How’re you feeling?”

“So good.” His whole face hurt from smiling and he cast a look around at the perfect chaos. “So, so good.”

Remus raised his eyebrows. “Got a little wobbly earlier with James. Everything okay?”

“I’m fine,” Sirius assured him, tilting Remus’ face up for a kiss on his button nose. But it was for fun, now. They had been allowed more than enough time to figure out their issues, both at home with each other and alone with Heather. Impossibly, he felt better around Remus after a month of recovery than he ever had before. “I’ll tell you if I start feeling bad, but this is good. I needed it.”

“I know you did, baby.”

They made their way back to the bench together, hips bumping with each out of sync step until their skates were on solid ground again and Sirius let himself fall into the mess of his friends without hesitation. Shoulders jostled, elbows knocked—he was at peace. “Good to have you back out there, Cap,” Kasey said with a grin and a clap to his upper arm. “Needed someone who could give me a run for my money.”

“Hey!” Logan complained.

A hand caught Sirius by the scruff and he went willingly into Dumo’s side hug, nudging their temples together. “Thought you could take a break and come back just as strong, eh?”

Sirius grinned. “You know it.”

Dumo tsked and shoved him away by the forehead. “Remus! Five weeks, and you haven’t tamed the ego on this one?”

“Not nearly enough time,” Remus countered with a wink that made Sirius’ stomach flip. “I barely managed to keep him in bed, you think I was paying attention to the real elephant in the room?”

“Yeah, I bet you kept him in bed!” Finn wolf-whistled, earning himself a squirt to the face from Remus’ waterbottle. The conversation devolved rapidly into hollering and playful jabs from all sides, and Sirius gave as good as he got.

Then the whistle blew again, and black spots of pain danced in his vision.

He rubbed the corner of his forehead with the heel of his hand for some relief and felt the textured skin of his new scar pull. He frowned.

“Baby?” The guys were still loud as they flooded back onto the ice—he must have missed Arthur’s instructions, he never missed instructions—but Remus’ voice was barely above a murmur. “Sirius, you okay?”

“Ouais.” The spots faded out. The pain had been quick and sharp, like lightning. “It’s—yeah, I’m good. The whistle startled me.”

Remus had his PT face on, though, and Sirius’ heart sank. He wasn’t getting out of this one easily. “Your head’s bugging you?”

Before the fall and everything that came after it, he might have lied. He might have continued to tell Remus he was fine despite obviously not being fine, and Remus would have let him, but he would’ve been upset and it would take them days to work it out. Hell, six weeks ago Sirius would have cut every corner he found to get back into hockey as fast as possible. And because Remus loved him, because Remus was so goddamn committed to making sure he was happy, he would’ve been able to get away with a lot more before someone called him on his bullshit.

That was six weeks ago. That was before the fall.

“It’s hurting a little,” he admitted. “But only when the whistle blows, and only for a moment. We’ll check it out when we get home. I feel really good for the scrimmage, though.”

Remus nodded hesitantly, then leaned up and kissed his cheek. A frown touched his mouth. “Talk to Layla after practice?”

“I will,” Sirius promised.

And that was that. Honesty, an easy promise to keep, and they were good again. They had both learned over the first few stages of recovery that a lack of communication to salvage one good moment wasn’t worth the inevitable Jenga tower of problems later. Sirius didn’t have to be afraid Remus would leave him over an imperfection, and Remus didn’t have to fear Sirius feeling suffocated by him.

It was such a breath of fresh air.

He lined up across from Dumo, bracing for the puck drop as adrenaline dripped through him and focused his vision. He won the face-off in one quick swipe of his stick and passed it to James, who caught it just like the last million times they had done it.

“Open!” he shouted as the opposing defense closed in on James and Finn. The puck was a blur he knew well, easy to catch, easy to carry. He slipped past Olli and dodged Dumo’s attempted poke-check; Sirius couldn’t stop grinning. His body remembered everything it was supposed to.

He snagged a goal in the first period and two assists in the second. It wasn’t until they were well into the third period that he realized he hadn’t taken a single check.

At first, he wrote it off as a scrimmage courtesy—no checks meant a severely reduced risk of injury. But it lingered in his thoughts and dragged his gaze to spots he normally wouldn’t put that much attention in; Logan colliding with everyone but Sirius, Nado and Kuny’s play-fight, Remus’ quick hits that always shocked the puck from the opponent. Not even one of them came close to Sirius.

He called for the puck again and made a break for the net; Logan was on his ass in a second, but he didn’t make a move to try and steal it away. Sirius extended his stick a couple inches. Nothing. He did it again, giving Logan the perfect opportunity to snatch it away if he just bumped Sirius a little.

“Are you going to take it or not?” he snapped as they swerved around Dumo.

Logan immediately looked guilty. “I…”

Sirius ground his teeth and knocked the puck to James, who attempted a shot he didn’t even try and follow. If they weren’t going to play fair, he didn’t want to play at all. “What the fuck are you doing, Logan?”

“Playing defense.”

“I practically handed it to you!”

“Well, fuck you, too!” Logan said waspishly.

The throbbing behind Sirius’ eye had started again. He wanted to break his stick in frustration, but he didn’t know if he could do it. There were angles and force and—and his head was killing him for the first time in weeks. The others were gathering in little huddles around them. He fixed Logan with a glare. “Why didn’t you take it?”

“It’s a scrimmage!”

“So hit me!”

“I’m not going to hit you!”

Sirius almost had him now. “You’ve hit me before! Split my fucking lip, too!”

“I’m not going to hit you!”

“I can take it, Logan!”

“Well, I’m not willing to fucking risk it!”

They were close enough to each other by then that Sirius watched Logan’s anger dissolve into instant regret in excruciating detail. The rink was dead silent. “That’s what I thought,” he muttered. The rest of them had the nerve to look surprised when he turned. Surprised and ashamed. “Is anyone here a doctor?”

Skates shuffled, tentative and awkward.

“Have any of you seen my medical information over the past month? Any treatment plans? Anything?” They huddled together like a pack of kicked puppies. Sirius took a deep breath. He was their friend, but he was their captain, too. He had their respect. He wasn’t about to lose it over one injury. “I don’t need you to worry about me. I need you to trust me. I know it’s my first practice back, but I know my body. I don’t need special treatment and I don’t want it.”

James raised his head; where shame tinted the faces of their friends, it found no home with him. “We’re worried. That’s it. It’s not worth the risk right now.”

“I don’t—” Sirius cut himself off before he could say something he regretted and pressed a hand over his eyes. Deep breaths. “Jesus, Pots, did you tell them to do this?”

“It was me.” His heart sank as Arthur leaned on the boards, unapologetic. “I told them to be gentle. You’re a great player and a good man, and I’m not going to risk your health in the first few practices.”

Sirius looked at him for a long moment. “It was a concussion. One concussion.”

“A concussion that had you in the hospital for close to a week and needed a month of recovery.” Arthur met his gaze and did not flinch. “You’re the captain of my team. I need you in top form, and I’m willing to make a little extra time to get you there. This team will not succeed if you throw yourself back in and get hurt again right away. Understood?”

His mouthguard squeaked between his teeth. Sirius looked down. “Yes, coach.”

Arthur tapped his clipboard against the boards. “Good. Scrimmage is over, boys. Do some cooldowns and then get stretching. Sirius, come talk to me when you’re done.”

Someone caught his elbow when he went to skate to the bench. “I’m not sorry,” Logan said, his jaw set. “I know you’re pissed, but I’m not sorry.”

Sirius sighed through his nose. “Yeah, I know.”

Back to the beginning, then.

--

“I know I’m the prettiest person on this team, but don’t look at me. Look at the light.”

Sirius squinted into Layla’s small flashlight; she passed it in front of his eyes a few more times before clicking it off. “All good?”

“Fine and dandy,” she said. “You said your head was hurting?”

“Just with the whistle.”

“Then, yeah, that sounds like normal stuff to me.” She shrugged one shoulder and offered an encouraging smile. “Your concussion is healing really well. Your focus was good, your pupils look normal, and light sensitivity seemed low. The auditory stuff is just taking a little longer to settle. How long until you’re allowed to play again?”

Sirius held down a grimace. “Three to six more weeks.”

“Sounds about right,” Layla said, apparently unbothered. “It’s good to have that much leeway, Cap. The noise sensitivity should wear off in a week or two, which means you’ll have plenty of time to get back on your feet at a hundred percent and play your best. If it doesn’t, come talk to me and we’ll fix it.”

“Yeah.” Paper pilled under his fingers as he picked at it. Six weeks would put them right on the doorstep of the games-that-must-not-be-named; he wasn’t exactly looking forward to being thrown into high-stakes competition right off the bat.

The exam table crinkled when Layla sat next to him. She was quiet for a moment, then patted his knee. “You’ll be okay. This is the kind of thing that shouldn’t bug you once you rest and recover. In a way, it’s better than your ankle.”

Sirius smiled wryly. He liked Layla—she had the same lovable good humor and unrelenting optimism in the face of injury as her predecessor. “I think most things are better than a broken ankle,” he noted.

“True.” She bumped his shoulder. “No more moping, Cap. You’ll be out there in no time.”

--

“Flashlight to the left. Okay, good. Give me the flat screwdriver.” Something clinked, then clattered, resulting in a satisfied hum. “Black tape. You looked excellent at practice today.”

“Thanks,” Sirius mumbled. He rummaged in the battered canvas bag until something vaguely tape-textured hooked his finger. “Uh, this one is white.”

“The black kind should be in the side pocket next to the box cutter.” Dumo hummed again when he pressed the correct roll into his open palm. “Merci. Your footwork was especially good.”

“My footwork is always good.”

“I know,” he chuckled. Several more bolts (nuts? Sirius still couldn’t remember which were which) fell into the pan by his thigh like silver sprinkles. “Coach seemed impressed.”

Sirius arched a wry brow, even though Dumo couldn’t see him. “Coach was just surprised I didn’t fall on my face.”

“Non, he was very happy to see you—”

“He told everyone to go easy on me.”

“What, like you wouldn’t do the same if it had been Remus? Or Logan? Or me?” Sirius winced at the thought; with a squeak of wheels and a slight groan, Dumo scooted out from under the washing machine and gave him a look. “I know today was frustrating, but you can’t expect us to beat you up this soon.”

“It’s been a month.” He was well-aware of the slight whine in his voice, and judging by Dumo’s amused huff, he wasn’t alone.

“For you, maybe. Felt like years to the rest of us.” The nut-bolt-screws were cold when Sirius rolled them between his fingertips, scowling. Dumo patted his arm with a grease-streaked hand and began sliding back under the machine. “Give it time, mon fils. They just want you back safe and sound.”

“They need me back for the play—”

“Non,” Dumo interrupted.

“They do!”

Dumo muttered something under his breath before looking up at him again. “Sirius. Come on.”

“James said he had a bad time as captain.”

“Oui, because he missed you. He did great. You should be proud of him.” A screwdriver gently poked him on the kneecap. “This is not about hockey. This is about friends.”

Sirius set the pan aside and stretched out on the concrete floor. His legs ached from being crossed for so long. There were cobwebs between the cupboards and the ceiling, even with the cold weather. “It’s hard for me, sometimes.”

Dumo made an understanding noise and turned back to the screws.

“Falling was embarrassing.” It was so much easier to talk about like this. Heather was a godsend, but the words came easier in French and the soft noise of the garage was far more soothing than a blue room with a suede couch. “It’s like—who even does that? I was tired. That’s it. Now everyone is upset.”

“I disagree with the last part, but okay.”

“Remus is upset.”

“Since when do you count Remus with ‘everyone’?”

He saw Dumo grin at the ensuing silence and covered his face with a groan, letting his head fall back on the cold floor. “God, fine, I’m being mean again and nobody is actually mad at me.”

“Atta boy. Hand over the white tape.”

--

It got better. Sirius got better. He had daily visits with Layla—they both had a laugh about old habits die hard, but still they laughed—and his weekly appointments with Heather had finally begun to veer back to their usual conversations. Aren’t you bored of my shitty childhood by now? Sirius had teased when they made it thirty minutes without discussing his head.

Heather had scoffed at him and whacked him lightly with a pillow. As if I’d be sad to see you this happy. Don’t even think about more head wounds, puck boy. We’re getting to the root of that next.

Slowly, he admitted that he had been sick when it happened. (It seemed Kasey hadn’t spilled his secret, after all). He told her about the chattering teeth and the brain fog that set in that morning; about the fatigue that had piled onto him until he couldn’t even make it through the gate and had to let it win. He told her about the overwhelming feeling that it was all his fault and that everyone would hate him for taking a break.

The world hates me when I’m good and hates me when I’m bad.

They’re wrong for that.

That had made him smile. Heather rarely spoke in absolutes. I know, he answered honestly. She hadn’t pushed him on it, and he liked to think she even believed him.

Remus was laughing again, moonlight in darkness. The good snacks began to disappear from the pantry once more—Sirius couldn’t be mad about it, no matter how often he considered billing Talker for their monthly groceries. Every bag of chips he never got to taste meant Remus would come home and kiss him and ramble about the day like the most adorable runaway train in the world. “I love you, I love you, I love you” smushed into his cheeks, forehead, lips.

His boys carried them to the playoffs with ruthless focus. His pads still fit and the whistle was on his side. And when he was ready, so fucking ready it made his veins hot, Remus pulled him into the break room with a wicked grin that made him thank every cosmic moment that gave him pregame rituals. He would take every bit of luck he could get. The crowd roaring for him deserved it all.

It came in the dusk of the evening, when the blustering winds had calmed and Sirius’ mind felt quiet at last. It was the relief of a wound freshly bandaged—there was no burn of newness, and yet no itch of a scab. It was just a wide, soft couch and a chest rising and falling beneath his hand. Remus kissed his forehead and let it linger like a dream. “Oh, I love you.”

Sirius breathed in, and out. A single spritz of cologne. Lavender shampoo. “You said you couldn’t do this without me,” he said, keeping his voice low. Remus hummed his agreement. He lifted his head slightly, into the gentle pressure of Remus’ hand in his hair. An auburn brow arched in a silent question; he traced the shape of it with his thumb. “You think I can do any of this without you, loup?”

Remus’ mouth curved in a half-smile. “You can do a lot without me.”

“I don’t want to.”

“That’s where we always end up, eh?”

“Nowhere else I’d rather be.”

[acourtofmishapandmistakes]

A Court of Ice and Shadows: Chapter 2

OC Character x Azriel

Summary: Set after "A Court of Silver Flames" (ACOSF), this story follows original character Lene, an elite warrior of the Hesker Clan from the Winter Court. Tasked with diplomatic duty in the Night Court, Lene's mission is to help retrain the Valkyries and help squash potential uprising in the Illyrian camps. As she navigates centuries-old animosities and discovers herself beyond the icy confines of her homeland, Lene must confront her past and decide who she wants to become.

Click here for other parts:

Chapter 1, Chapter 2

Characters: Featuring original characters alongside core characters from the ACOTAR series.

Disclaimers: All characters and settings pertaining to the core ACOTAR series belong to Sarah J. Maas, with additional material created for the purpose of this fanfiction

Content Warnings: None.

Note: Some words used in this story are of Norwegian or Scandinavian origin. I do not speak either language, but adapted the researched words to fit the narrative. For notes regarding any of these words, see the end of the chapter.

Chapter Two

Lene awoke to the gentle, wet nuzzles of Lumi, her spirited pet white fox, on her nose. Blinking open her eyes, she found herself gazing into Lumi’s mischievous black eyes. With a groggy hand, she reached out to scratch behind Lumi’s ears, earning a chorus of soft, happy yips. Stretching languidly, Lene yawned deeply, arms reaching towards the morning light as Lumi, energized, bounded off the bed. Her small paws clicked against the wooden floor, disappearing under the bed in a playful scurry.

Sitting up, Lene observed the soft sunlight filtering through the curtains, gently brushing sleep from her eyes. She swung her legs over the side of the bed, her feet touching the floor just in time for Lumi to playfully nip at her toes. "Lumi, sluta!" she commanded with a laugh. The little fox, undeterred but obedient, retreated under the bed, where the sound of her digging resonated softly against the wood.

After a thorough morning ritual of bathing and grooming, Lene braided her hair in an elegant crown around her head, allowing her remaining blonde locks to cascade freely down her back. She chose a red tunic edged with soft white fur and paired it with lined black trousers, slipping her boots on over them. With Lumi trailing behind her, yipping playfully, Lene made her way to the dining room for breakfast.

The dining room buzzed with the chatter of other fae women, each garbed in luxurious furs and fleeces that matched their pale winter complexions. As Lene walked in, she acknowledged the morning greetings with nods, making her way to the head of the room. The breakfast table was laden with an array of foods: stacks of fresh bread, rolls, and eggs prepared in every conceivable way, alongside bowls of various flavored yogurts and granola. With a stomach beginning to twist with nerves about her upcoming meeting with Kallias, Lene chose a simple bowl of plain yogurt.

Below the table, Lumi darted about, nearly tripping Lene in her excitement. With a smile, Lene tossed a hard-boiled egg to the floor for her fox. Lumi caught it midair and scampered off, instantly pursued by two 

Lene surveyed the bustling dining room, her gaze flitting past her grandmother, who was deeply engrossed in quiet conversation with two other venerable fae matrons. Her search for a seat continued until her eyes landed on Kindra, her forthright and somewhat boisterous friend. Kindra was animatedly waving her over, a slice of toast in hand, liberally sprinkling crumbs onto the unfortunate soul seated beside her. Lene made her way over and settled down on the ornately carved bench beside her.

No sooner had Lene taken her seat than Kindra wolfed down another mouthful of her breakfast and, without missing a beat, scooped a spoonful of yogurt from Lene’s bowl.

"Oh sure," Lene remarked dryly, "not like I was going to eat that or anything."

Kindra rolled her eyes. "There’s more up there."

"My point exactly," Lene retorted, idly stirring her yogurt.

"What’s got you in a mood?" Kindra inquired, stretching across the table to nab an apple slice from another diner, who promptly snatched her plate away.

"Nothing, just have a busy morning ahead," Lene muttered.

Kindra leaned back, eyeing the breakfast spread as she considered whether to reload her plate. "Busy with what?"

"I have a meeting with High Lord Kallias," Lene replied, taking a tentative bite of her yogurt and grimacing slightly as a wave of nausea hit her.

Meanwhile, Kindra was attempting to coax a young girl with flaming red hair and an arctic wolf at her side for another pastry. The girl merely shot her a glare and walked off, leaving Kindra to theatrically throw up her hands in mock indignation before turning back to Lene.

"What does he want?" Kindra finally asked.

"He didn’t specify, just said he wanted to meet," Lene murmured, swirling her spoon through her yogurt.

"So how long will you be gone?" Kindra asked, delving into her own bowl of orange slices.

"Meeting starts at 10, so I doubt I’ll be back for lunch."

"Will you be around for the hunt this afternoon?" Kindra mumbled, her mouth full.

Lene glanced over, her expression one of mild disgust as Kindra continued to devour her meal with gusto. "Gods, Kindra, slow down—your food isn’t going anywhere."

Kindra peeked up through her brows at Lene and began to eat comically slow. Lene shook her head, "I’m not sure when I’ll be done, so don’t wait up for me."

"Suit yourself," Kindra replied, her exaggerated slowness causing an orange slice to tumble from her spoon and land on the table with a slap.

Lene scoffed lightly, pushing back from the table and swiftly reclaiming her bowl of yogurt just as Kindra reached out for another taste. With a slight smile, Lene moved through the dining room to where her grandmother was engaged in conversation, gently placing her hand on the elder’s shoulder. Without pausing her discussion, her grandmother warmly clasped Lene’s hand, her thumb tracing soothing circles over her knuckles. As the conversation came to a close, her grandmother turned her sharp gaze upward to meet Lene’s.

“I’m leaving a bit early, just wanted to say goodbye,” Lene announced softly.

Her grandmother responded with a tender smile, reaching up to plant a warm kiss on Lene’s cheek. “Safe travels, dear. Give Kallias my best wishes,” she murmured.

With a final nod to her grandmother, Lene exited the bustling dining room. She collected her thick parka by the doorway, fastening it securely around her neck and buttoning up the sides against the biting cold. Just as she opened the front door, Lumi, in a burst of energy, darted from an adjoining room. The fox’s hurried paws caused the runner in the hallway to bunch up and fly into the air behind her, adding a comic flair to her dramatic exit as she dove off the front steps. 

Lene shielded her eyes against the bright reflection of the sun on the fresh snow. As her vision adjusted, she spotted Lumi joyfully burrowing her snout into the snow, scooting along the surface and carving a shallow trench in her wake. The path leading from the house had been cleared earlier that morning, prompting a chuckle from Lene as she made her way out the front gates toward the stables. Lumi yipped happily alongside her. 

Lene swung open the stable doors to reveal twenty majestic elk standing in their pens, bathed in the blend of fae light and the golden sunlight that seeped through the barn's creviced walls. She had always cherished her visits to the barn since her childhood, fascinated by the elaborate life of the elk raised by the Winter Court for both transportation and sport. She reveled in the memories of learning to ride them, guiding them through the thick snow, and utilizing their innate instincts to navigate mountainous trails. The summer months brought a different joy, watching the elk herders drive the herds through cascading waterfalls to shed their thick winter coats and refresh in the rushing rivers.

As Lene strolled down the stall hallway, Lumi busied herself amongst the hay bales, hunting for mice. The elk grumbled and shifted, their eagerness to roam palpable in the cool morning air. The stable hands had already fed them but had yet to release them to the day's freedom.

Lene retrieved a harness and saddle from the storage rack and proceeded towards the end of the hall to Brynjar’s pen. Brynjar, a formidable bull and her mother’s personal elk, now Lene’s, looked over his shoulder as she approached and set down the riding gear onto the straw-covered floor.

"Morning, gorgeous," Lene cooed affectionately, her gloved hand gliding over Brynjar's broad back. The bull responded with a grunt, shifting his hooves slightly on the stable floor.

Lene circled Brynjar, her eyes scanning meticulously for any signs of injury or discomfort. Her mother had instilled in her the wisdom to treat these noble creatures as warriors; they should appear ready and unencumbered for the day's tasks. If an elk showed any sign of unreadiness, it was best not to strain them. 

Satisfied with her inspection, Lene dragged a stool over from the corner of the stable under Brynjar's watchful, albeit indifferent gaze. Standing at an impressive 7 feet tall from hoof to ear tip, with antlers that added several more feet to his height, Brynjar towered over Lene. Even with her head just reaching his broad shoulder, saddling the stout elk was no minor feat.

She hoisted the saddle over his back, eliciting a low groan from the animal. "You big baby," she teased, securing the saddle strap around his midsection. "You're going to grumble now, but once you're out in the snow, you'll be the happiest there," she chided gently.

Indeed, Brynjar had shown a marked reluctance to leave the barn since her mother's passing. It had required months of patient coaxing and gentle reassurance before he would even consider stepping outside with Lene or anyone else. The stable hands had nearly given up, contemplating retirement for the old bull, but Lene couldn’t bear the thought of him fading into obscurity within the herd—not when her mother had so lovingly branded him with the family crest and devoted years to his training.

The day Brynjar finally ventured back outdoors marked a turning point. Lene, overwhelmed by frustration and sorrow, had sobbed, screamed, and wailed at him, pleading for him to accompany her into the woods on the trails her mother had cherished. When he remained unmoving, Lene had stormed out of the barn and collapsed in the snow, her grief pouring out. It was only then that Brynjar, perhaps moved by her despair, had ambled out to lay beside her, offering his warm, albeit malodorous, side for comfort. Since that poignant moment, Brynjar had complied with nearly anything Lene asked of him, whether it was wearing garlands in his antlers or sporting a wreath around his neck for the solstice parade.

Once Brynjar was fully saddled, Lene climbed onto his back, feeling the massive elk grumble under her weight. The stable hands had often advised her to remain on the ground while fitting the bit, but Lene had her own methods. She preferred to have Brynjar dip his long snout so she could more easily slide the bit into his mouth, using gravity to her advantage. Even the stable master could only shake her head, half-amused and half-baffled by the unique rapport Lene and Brynjar had forged, and Lene's insistence on her slightly unorthodox techniques.

With the bit securely fastened, Brynjar lifted his head back up, and Lene dismounted, guiding the massive bull out of his stall. A rustle from the neighboring pen caught her attention as the elk next door let out a discontented bark and a rough stomp. Glancing over, Lene called out, “Lumi, whatever you’re chasing in there isn’t worth getting stomped on.” True to form, Lumi, ever the little mischief-maker, wriggled her way out from under the pen door, her white fur now tinged with dirt.

Lumi darted ahead of Lene and Brynjar, bounding out of the stable into the snow-blanketed landscape, quickly disappearing among the white drifts. Brynjar, moving at a more sedate pace, followed Lene out of the barn. She secured the door behind them and then pulled gently on the bit, commanding, “Buga!”

With a resigned grumble, Brynjar lowered his front legs, kneeling into the snow to facilitate Lene’s ascent back onto the saddle without the need for a stool. At her next command, “Opp,” Brynjar obediently straightened, lifting Lene with him as he rose. Once securely seated, Lene guided him forward with a light tug, and the pair began their slow, deliberate trek through the snow towards the dense forest that bordered the manor grounds.

Notes: 

Sluta: “Stop” in Swedish

Buga: “Bow” in Swedish

Opp: “Up” in Swedish

[entomolog-t]

The Shadow We Cast - 2

My last G/t July Prompt that will actually be done in July; Melancholy!

- - - -

Previous Chapter: Chapter 1

Next Chapter: Chapter 3

Word count: 2460

CW: Adult language, mild gore (butchering food, mentions of blood), substances (beer)

My kitchen, thankfully, didn’t look as bad as I had expected in the aftermath of Sal’s butchering. Don’t get me wrong, it still looked like a scaled down horror scene, complete with the bowl filled with various innards and traces of little bloodied hand and foot prints smeared about, but Sal had done a remarkable job keeping the carnage to a minimum. The three or four beers I’d downed while waiting also seemed to have helped mitigate my queasiness. If you squint it's just chicken... just … don’t think too hard.

Instead, I turned my gaze down to the little man on my counter. He was absolutely beaming. With one hand perched on his hip and the other wielding the ridiculously oversized knife, he smiled up at me, clearly proud of his handiwork. He’d shed a layer or two of clothing in the process of butchering and I tried not to dwell on questioning if that was more, or less sanitary. What I did dwell on however, was him. Man, he was a burly little thing… while the sheer difference in size between us made it near impossible to pick up on the finer details of his features without being intimately close, I didn't have to be uncomfortably close to notice he, in spite of his stature, was a sizable man. Lean, and wildly muscular, boasting a broad chest and narrow waist… he could have told me he was an action figure brought to life and I wouldn't have hesitated to believe him.

“I cut, you cook?” The question sounds less like a true question and more akin to instruction. He shifted awkwardly under my gaze.

“Oh- uh, yeah man, sure thing.” While his proficiency in butchering more than surpassed my expectations, I was not about to trust a questionably feral miniature man with any sort of cooking appliances. I eyed the meat cautiously, two main thoughts becoming prominent in my mind; I was not about to cook hawk on any of my pans, and I was most certainly not about to eat it plain.

The weight of his eyes on me was somehow heavier than he himself. I felt him watch as I rummaged through the fridge, pulling out a mishmash of ingredients to make a half-assed gochujang sauce. With a quick wipe down of a section of the counter I took out a second cutting board, dishes be damned, and began to mince some garlic. He took a step back, wrinkling his nose at the smell. He eyed the garlic, among the other ingredients, warily. I smiled to myself. Oh sure, I’m the bad guy for questioning hawk, but garlic is gross? Though, to his credit, he kept his thoughts to himself.

He busied himself with inspecting the various ingredients I’d brought out, padding around each container curiously. He paid particularly close attention as I emptied a sizeable amount of maple syrup into the bowl, lingering just close enough to peer down into the mix.

“Do you want to try some?” I ask, holding up the spoon to him. His eyes bounce between me and the contents of the spoon before he gives in and dips a finger into the mix. The sight of his tiny hand gripping the edge of the spoon was jarring. Ignoring his surroundings he looked so… normal. So human… but seeing him directly contrasted against such a mundane object almost felt like an optical illusion. He examines the sauce for a moment, brow furrowed and nose wrinkled, seemingly unsure of what to make of it. With a small shrug, his curiosity wins over, and he gives the sauce a taste. His face is immediately alight with shock, and he turns to look at me with an expression of awe.

“Uh… you like it?” Instead of a verbal response, he reaches his hand back onto the spoon, taking a near fistful of sauce. I turn my head to avoid him catching sight of the face I pull at the stomach churning image of a full grown man mowing down on sauce as if it's Michelin-Starred decadence. I ignore the soft yelp he makes in protest as I pull the spoon away, and quickly interject before he can voice his disgruntlement .

“So, I’m thinking we cook these up on the barbecue outside.” I say, averting my gaze from the little monstrosity and the plethora of grotesque slurping sounds coming from his general direction as he licks his fingers clean. Sal makes a sort of hum in agreement. Had he washed his hands after butchering the hawk? I suppress a gag. I needed another drink. Stuffing a few beers under one arm, I haphazardly gathered up the sauce, tongs and meat with my free hand. With my arms more than a little full, I cast my gaze down to Sal,

“Uh, I’ll just set this up outside and then come ba-”

He jumped.

Had my reaction time been any better I’m sure I would have flinched out of the way of the tiny man throwing himself off the counter towards me, but instead all I managed was a yelp in surprise. He caught two handfuls of my shirt fabric and climbed up my midsection with an uncanny speed that could put a seasoned rockclimber to shame. The feeling of such a small and fast moving being freely skittering up my body made my skin crawl. He situated himself near the crook of my arm, a little too suspiciously close to the sauce for my liking, and patted my arm as if I were a horse he was kicking into gear.

---

What a way to travel! I couldn’t help but stare in absolute wonder as the ground flew by, with Mark seemingly moving slow yet covering such boggling distances with each step. This was exhilarating! My heart raced in my chest, and as I leaned back against Mark, I noticed with a bit of a chuckle, so did his.

He made his way out to the porch towards some large metal contraption he had referred to as a bar-bah-kyou? I hopped off onto what seemed like a sort of counter top jutting out from the barbah-thingy’s side as he emptied his arms. As I approached the vaguely tank-like structure, Mark fiddled with something beneath the machine. Upon examination, the barbah-thingy had a handle on the front as well as an assortment of dials lining its base. As I made my way closer, Mark’s hand tentatively blocked my path. I shot him a glare as he pushed me back, and he returned an apologetic smile.

“Uh, just… stand back a little.” He pressed a button. An almost insectoid clicking sound emanated from the machine. There was a whoosh, followed by a sudden increase in heat as the machine was somehow brought to life. Grinning, Mark opened up the tank-thing to show off the flames roaring up inside.

Well, that was certainly easier than rubbing sticks together.

Before I could get a closer look, he closed the lid.

“It's gotta heat up a bit before we're good.” I snorted. It seemed plenty hot to me, but he was in charge of cooking, so I wasn’t about to be fussy. He offered his hand, and I swung myself on, only to immediately be set down on a table between two wooden chairs, with Marking dropping himself into the chair to my left. He stared down at me for a moment before reaching for another one of the metallic cans.

The can made an odd hissing sound as Mark pried open the lid. As he took a swig from the can, I inspected the collection of its unopened brethren beside me. The cans were cool to the touch, with little beads of moisture forming along their surface. The muggy summer air loomed around me, tempting me to lean against the chilled metal surface of the can, but I decided against the potential social faux pas. There were mountains decorating the can, along with bright red letters. It had been a while since I'd seen human writing, especially the squiggly kind, and I wracked my brain trying to place the sounds to the letters. C…ow… ers? C-oo..wers? I felt my brow furrow in frustration. A contented sigh from Mark interrupted my attempts to decode his drink.

“What’re you drinking?” Mark looked a little caught off guard. He chuckled.

“It’s beer.” Beer? Man I was way off on my human spelling. Yikes. “Do you, uh... want some?”

The thought of the cool condensation made that an easy and enthusiastic yes from me. He reached for his can and hesitated. A wide smile formed on his face as he stood. I suppressed the urge to take a step back at his sudden movement. Fuck was he ever big.

“Sick. Lemme go get you a glass.”

Mark returned with a glass that was somehow comically small pinched between his massive fingers, yet within my own hands seemed more like a hefty bucket. Although the bucket-glass would undoubtedly be a bit of a challenge to drink from, I wasn't about to complain about getting more than my fair share of a cool drink.

As he filled my glass he cast me a wary gaze,

“Um, Sal? Have you … had alcohol before?”

“I thought this was beer.” He snorted. I had no idea why his mistake was so funny.

“I guess that's a no?” I shrugged. How could I know if I’d had it if I didn’t know what it tasted like. He laughed again and I smiled, albeit a bit nervously. What was so funny to him?

“Um.. it makes you feel good. Um, almost tingly? But if you have a lot it makes you feel a bit slow and your thoughts feel a bit…um, weird. It lowers inhibitions and-” he prattled on about how this “special drink” would make you feel, but all I could think of was how cool the glass felt against the palms of my hand. The liquid was a warm amber colour filled with bubbles that collected into a soft layer of foam at the top. It hissed quietly as the bubbles rose to the surface. A cool drink that made you feel good? Fine by me. With a bit more effort than would be desirable I lifted the drink to my lips and took a long chug. The size of the glass paired with its awkward weight made trying to control the flow of the liquid a borderline impossible task. As I tilted the glass I got a cool shock as the beer splashed against the entirety of my face, and given the heat, I really had no complaints. The bubbles were strange and stung at my throat but the strangely crisp taste was invigorating. I gulped greedily, not bothered that beer was running down my neck. The change in temperature from the spill was a welcome one.

“Woah, dude” Mark chuckled, placing the tip of his finger on the edge of my glass to guide it away from my face, “Pace yourself.” I shot him a glare, but couldn’t help letting a smirk escape. I held up my glass, making a show of comparing it to his own,

“I think if I’m pacing myself with you I’m still a ways behind.” He shook his head, laughing, and took a long sip from his drink. I did the same. This was nice. The summer heat felt almost enjoyable with his company, especially with the beer included in the equation.

“So… Have you been here long?” I cocked my head, unsure of what he meant, “Um…you know, in the area.” He clarified as he gestured to the expanse of his yard. I stared ahead, feeling as though if I stared hard enough I’d be able to look back through the years I’d been here.

“Yeah, it's been a while.” I took another sip.

“Do you like it here?” That question, casual as it may be, caught me off-guard. Did I like it here? This area was familiar. I’d been in the same spot far longer than I could remember. From the perspective of the porch I felt I could look out at the yard and see the memories that littered what had become my "home range"… The tree I’d climbed when a particularly bad storm had flooded the yard… the spot right below where a squirrel had chased me from their cache… the lattice work right beneath the window where I used to climb to - I shook the memories away.

“It’s home.”

I felt a strange yet familiar feeling claw at the edges of my mind. An emptiness… A total lack of… something. I took another sip, hoping to drown the thoughts, and with any luck, maybe find what I was missing at the bottom of my glass. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mark smile, though it didn’t quite reach the rest of his face. He heaved a weary sigh before speaking, a sound that conveyed far more to me than whatever words would follow.

“I hope it’ll start to feel like home for me soon.” He stood, making his way to the fire-tank-thing. The sun had come close to setting, leaving the sky ablaze with warm hues- a stunning display of pinks and golds igniting the horizon. Mark stood out against the backdrop, shrouded in shadow, more like a part of the treeline than a living being… he was fucking massive- no... It wasn’t him that was massive…something deep within the recesses of my brain resented seeing him like that… I took another deep sip from the glass, flushing the thought from my mind. I closed my eyes and leaned back, listening to the sounds of birds in the air, and breathing in the smell of meat roasting above a flame. Though the summer heat was waning, it was as if an ember was being stoked from within my core. A persistent warmth seemed to be rising up from within, as if the very essence of the season had somehow been ignited in my soul. I felt… good.

With my eyes closed I could picture what it would be like… just sitting in the chair to my right, cold can of beer in hand… looking out across a yard I could clear in a handful of strides… Mark sitting down in the chair to my left, not looking down, but instead looking at me. I didn’t care so much for the specifics of the imagery my brain has conjured up… but more so what it seemed to represent in my mind. The image felt close… comfortable, whereas I … when I opened my eyes I felt so far away.

I took another drink.

[checkoutmybookshelf]

It's Not A Fairy Tale Anymore

Ok, I will admit to two things: First, this book was leaps and bounds better than ACOTAR in terms of pacing. I was not bored and I wasn't begging the book to HAVE SOMETHING HAPPEN. Second, I think I hated the last six chapters. Like a lot. For some objective and some deeply subjective reasons. And bonus third admission: My reading buddy for this series and I officially have Stockholm syndrome from these books, so we're going on to ACOWAR. But that's getting a bit ahead of myself, so let's talk A Court of Mist and Fury.

Yeah, hi again. This is your SPOILER WARNING. I am going to SPOIL THE END of this book, as well as the beginning and the middle. Consider yourselves warned.

CONTENT WARNING: Some mention and brief discussion of sexual assault and consent.

Ok, so first and foremost: this book understood pacing and it understood plot and I thoroughly enjoyed like 98% of it. I also appreciated that we managed to expand the world a bit, because ACOTAR felt very, very small geographically and politically. Getting to see Velaris, the Summer Court, and getting a wider sense of the politics and intrigue went a long way toward making me feel like there were stakes and point to this book.

Another thing I absolutely adored was the Shadow Fam. I said that Rhys doesn't have found family, he has trauma pack bonds, and I stand by that assessment. That said, I really genuinely LIKED Az, Cass, Mor, and Amren. Yeah, they all have varying flavors of tragic backstory and trauma to facilitate the trauma pack bond, but after an entire book of just Feyre, Tamlin, and Rhys, I was desperate for more characters, and I will say that at the very least, I wasn't mixing up the Shadow Fam in my head. They had distinct personalities, and frankly I'd read the hell out of a novella that really digs into Mor's backstory in particular, mostly because SJM is developing a worrying habit of denoting bad characters by making them rapists (See: Amarantha, Ianthe, Mor's entire goddamn family, a worrying number of non-Shadow Fam Illyrians, etc.) and I want to see how complex this world's conception of consent is. Because Mor's entire situation was coerced, which means that the only non-fucky consent thing is her deciding NOT to sleep with Az. Because no matter what she told Cass, she was having sex with him in a situation where she very well might not have if she wasn't under the duress of a forced marriage. Literally she either didn't tell him anything and just went "Let's do the sex at each other" and he said "sure," or she went "hey, help me get out of this forced marriage by taking my virginity so other dude won't want me" (excuse me while I vomit at the pedestaling of virginity) and he said "sure." While knowing (I'm pretty sure) that Az has the world's biggest crush on Mor.

Literally nothing about this isn't messy AF, and I would a) like to see how we handle the consent stuff and b) eat this up with a SPOON.

But even in the here and now of the book, the whole Shadow Fam have individual relationships with Rhys and Feyre, and I thought that was decently well done. To be clear: its not Tolkien. It's nowhere near the same level. But for popular fun books, I have absolutely seen worse, and there was enough here for me to hang onto and enjoy. If they leaned a little into archetypes and stereotypes, well, it wasn't too egregious.

I think this is where I get to talk about Rhys a little bit too. So I have only read ACOTAR AND ACOMAF as of writing this, but I'm in a lot of book and fandom spaces, so I've heard everything from "Rhys is the embodiment of toxic masculinity and an anti-choice piece of shit" to "Rhys is the pinnacle of a male partner, can do no wrong, and I would let him rail me in a cabin on a mountain top." I'm not going to stand here and say that masculinity in these books is wholly unproblematic, but again: I have seen worse. My biggest problem with Rhys at this point, frankly, is that SJM keeps trying to have it both ways with him. But the "he's half mysterious, slightly evil Shadow daddy and half trauma puppy with a dreamers heart" was super not working for me, not even in a context where it maybe should have. Like, yeah, evil Shadow daddy as a role to protect Velaris makes sense, but then literally everything else we get is a cross between a traumatized dudebro with his buddies and trauma puppy making eyes at Feyre. The gap between the two sides of Rhysand just hit a point where my credulity stretched and broke. That's not to say I didn't enjoy both halves of Rhysand, but they didn't sit comfortably in one fae high lord lord me.

I just also want to briefly address the man pain, because after the Dresden Files, my patience for angsty man pain is THIN. I literally rolled my eyes and went "what the actual fuck" when Cassian provoked Rhys into beating on him for an hour after Feyre accepts the mate bond. Dumbass "if you can't fuck, fight" nonsense has never been my thing, and on principle I don't like it, but given that Feyre is alive and well and grabbing a snack with Mor, I can't argue too much. Battle Ground really set a new low bar for me, so I wasn't even grouchy about Rhys's POV man pain chapter right at the end of the book, because again, Feyre is alive and well and made a choice. I will allow it, but its getting some light side eye. Finally, the other major man pain scene is when Rhys is...I'm gonna call it groveling because I'm not feeling generous, but he's basically giving us a chapter-length recap of the previous book from his perspective. It's tearful, it's earnest, it's all kinds of angsty...And like...I was kinda not here for it. It was not the worst, your mileage may vary. I'm mostly just grateful it was one chapter and not an entire POV-swapped book.

I also want to just real quick tall about tokenism and some...potentially problematic things with the Illyrians. They have some savage warrior stereotypes attached to them that them being Fantasy Scots in the Fantasy UK makes sketchy, given the highland clearances and the generalized othering the England did to basically everyone. Then we get their cultural treatment of women, and the whole thing feels...deeply uncomfortable. I can't even make an oomaks joke about Illyrian wings (despite the fact that Illyrian wings have all the issue that Ferengi ears do multiplied by a factor of ten because THEY'RE WINGS) because I cannot banish the fact that they clip women's wings, which has some deeply uncomfortable resonance with female genital mutilation in the real world. Literally not even the Ferengi did that. And then we get Rhys, who is only half Illyrian, and the token "good" or "progressive" Illyrians, Az and Cass. They're trying to facilitate gender equality and banned wing clipping, but like...its made deeply clear that it's not working super well. So the general message is that of primitive, sexist Illyrians...except for the three good ones. And y'all...I kinda hate that. I'm not complaining that we have Rhys, Az, and Cass, but the Illyrians are deeply uncomfortable in a lot of ways that the version of me that did a PhD is screaming about.

And now we come to Rhys and Feyre. Rhys and Feyre, who spend 89% of this book flirting like dumbass teenagers before Feyre falls right back into the pattern she established with Tamlin where she decides she is going to give her literal all for a people, and I guess we just have to hope she has a partner who won't let her and then smother her to death. Because she is in the EXACT SAME POSITION, the only difference is Rhys. At this point, Feyre going all in is a feature, not a bug, which just makes her assertion that she belongs to herself first feel a wee bit hollow...

But I will say that Rhys and Feyre understanding that they can leverage their bond and Tamlin being just...the biggest dipshit in creation...to actually get an upper hand in this war, and I actually think that now that we've got the teen flirting out of the way, Feyre and Rhys might be a good team. I hope. Please God let them be a good team. I know we won't get Evey and Rick in The Mummy Returns, but I would take even a pale, bat-winged reflection of that relationship.

I guess we have finally arrived at Tamlin. I'm with Feyre that he's not good for her, but uh...the MASSIVE CHARACTER ASSASSINATION at the beginning of this book felt wildly gratuitous. Like, Feyre is wasting away. She's not emotionally ok. She isn't dealing with her trauma, and Tamlin isn't helping. WE GOT THAT. But that was only like, the first ten-odd chapters. So it was a speedrun character assassination, but I thought we were done at that point.

Holy shit, I was wrong.

So, there is a writing school of thought in which every villain needs to feel like they're the hero of their own story. I don't even think this is a bad tack to take. It can help motivate villains or make them sympathetic. And when Tamlin swaggers into the castle room in Hyburn after the king has captured Feyre and the Shadow Fam, you can bet your ass that he feels like he's the rescuing hero swooping in to save his true love from the shadowy douchecanoe who put a mind whammy on her to take her from him. (Which I actually think we might have Lucien to blame for that angle? Since he had to have reported back that Feyre fought him? But the timeline on that isn't clear, so IDK for sure.)

Unfortunately for Timtam, his ENTIRE PLAN makes him look too stupid to live. He KNEW what Amarantha was like. He KNEW that the King of Hyburn was a factor of ten worse than Amarantha. And he STILL made the deal to let Hyburn invade through his kingdom and somehow thought he would HAVE CONTROL OVER THE SITUATION???? And yes, I stand by this, because he keeps trying to tell the king to stop doing shit or do shit differently, and is ABSOLUTELY FLOORED when the king quite rightly laughs in his face. Talk about not thinking a plan through. Literally, I'm pretty sure Timtam was thinking, "I will win her back and be super heroic" and that thought eclipsed all other thoughts, his common sense, and his critical thinking. Which just take the character assassination of Tamlin and skyrockets it. I get that he's not the one, SJM. I got it six different dick moves ago.

Since we're talking about the last six chapters, I also want to just touch on the faeification of Elain and Nesta. Literally all I could think when they dunked our girls was one fantastic chapter title from the fantastic How to Read Literature Like a Professor: "If She Comes Up, It's Baptism." That metaphor doesn't really map perfectly over this situation, but it also isn't really a stretch. It also harkens back to the really old cauldron mythologies, which tracks for fae mythology. Mostly though, if Nesta doesn't murder the King of Hyburn after that foreshadowing (which had all the subtlety of a two-by-four to the skull), I will riot.

Hoo boy, this was a long one, but I think it's time to wrap it up. The TLDR is that this book was really fun as long as I wasn't thinking too hard about any of it. When I do think about it, I can shred it to little tiny peices, but honestly that stops being fun really fast, so I choose fun.

Also my reading buddy and I have Stockholm Syndrome with this series, so stay tuned for my eventual ACOWAR review!F

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Professional Oversight

Masterlist

Warnings: this fic includes dark content including rape/noncon, power imbalance, blackmail, and other potential triggering elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You are noticed for all the wrong reasons. (plus sized reader)

Characters: Helmut Zemo, Brock Rumlow

A note on reader characters:

For clarity,  each reader will have a defined nickname when appearing in any installment not their own. This is Scribble.

Note: real life interrupted me

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. Thanks to everyone who reads this one and thank you for all your energy.<3

Love you all like Donkey love Waffles. Take care. 💖

You stare across the courtyard as you let the spoon stick out of your mouth. You hoped the spring would make the days seem less blurred, maybe bring some excitement to your dull life. You suck the last of the yogurt from the silver and scrape the side of the cup, scooping up the fruit bottom and cream. You savour the last bite, so overly sweet it makes your cheeks twitch. 

You tap the empty cup so it makes a hollow noise. You crush it in your hand and stand to toss it in the bin just across from the bench. You sit again and wipe the spoon before you tuck it away, folding it in the kleenex to sink to the bottom of your purse. You sigh and watch a long-necked goose honk at an oblivious pedestrian. 

You’re used to it. The sounds, the sights, the latent energy of the university green. You thought it would be better to eat there instead of the stuffy office break room but after a while, it’s just as boring and bleak as the old institutional walls. 

You zip up your purse and checked the slender watch on your wrist. Just a little longer before you have to drag yourself back to your shared desk to answer phones and redirect lost students. You don’t hate your job only that it’s all you have. Your life is as fruitless as the used yogurt cup you just tossed away. 

You wake up, eat, get ready for work, go to work, eat lunch by yourself amidst a sea of indifferent people, go back to your desk, then wait until it’s time for you to go home, and there, nothing. Just you and the evenings filled with lonely restlessness. You want to do something, anything, but you just can’t figure out what. 

You aren’t an interesting person. Plain, at best, with no discernible talent. Friends never flocked to you despite your effort, even as pathetic as those were. You’re always a fleeting thought to other people. You’re kept around so long as you are useful; a study buddy, a wing woman, and occasionally, a shoulder to cry on. But there was rarely any reciprocation in those roles and never anything meaningful enough to call friendship. 

You’re distracted from your existential daze by a shadow above you. You look up at the man as he smiles at you. It’s more akin to a leer. That’s odd. He’s odd. Men don’t smile at you, they barely even see you. And he surely doesn’t belong here. Too old to be a student and his jacket too casual to be a professor. 

“You mind if I sit?” he asks without greeting. His tone is brusque but unconcerned. 

You looked at the empty spot on the bench beside you. You hug your purse and sidle over. You shrug and mumble “sure,” but he's already sitting. 

He sits with his legs wide and pushes his shoulders back. He sighs as he stretches out his broad figure. He glances around nonchalantly and leans back with his elbows over the back of the bench. You look at your watch again. What’s a few minutes early? 

“You work here?” he asks before you can stand. 

You blink and furrow your brow at him then glance around at the green campus. You waver on the bench. You should just walk away but you hate to be rude.  

“Uh, yeah?” you answer awkwardly. 

“Not that you-- you don’t look young enough to be a student, you know? I had a hard time telling, which is why I asked,” he explains as he turned his palm up, “I wasn’t meaning-- heh, well, you look like a very nice lady, is all.” 

You poke your tongue out between your lips and quickly retract it. Your thoughts are racing. You should get back to work and away from this man. He gives you this creepy crawly feeling. 

“Brock,” he holds out his hand as your eyes graze the dark five o’clock shadow along his sharp jawline. 

You force out your own name and nervously shake his hand. You’re polite, perhaps overly so, but your customer service instinct can’t be repressed. His grip is firm and his hand big enough to cover yours entirely. He lets you go reluctantly and you hook your purse over your arm. 

“Sorry, I gotta get back to work--” you stand as the sirens in your head tell you to leave. His grips speckles in your hands, throbbing in the bones, tingling on your skin. 

“That’s too bad,” he says coolly, “maybe I’ll see you around.” 

You nod dumbly and step past him. You trod down the path, on your usual route, then stop as your suspicions tug at your mind. You turn back as he remains on the bench, his gaze stuck to you. 

“You work here too?” you call back. 

He shakes his head and smirks. He doesn’t say anything as you frown. He doesn’t move. He just watches. You turned back to your path and quickly stomp away. You’re unsettled by his presence alone but his assured calmness at being an intruder on campus is even more frightening. Not least of all, his interest in you; always an unexpected trait. 

🖊️

After work, you walk across campus without urgency. You fall into autopilot. Your departure trails over its usual route. There’s nothing special awaiting you at your destination; only your couch and a frozen pizza.  

Students still loiter and hop up the steps of the buildings on the way to evening classes. You envy them just as you had when you were in their shoes. You were never really one of them. You always felt like you were on the outside looking in. You didn’t find your niche, you just floated along untethered, still lost in the breeze. 

The lot you park in is mostly empty. You prefer that one even though it’s a ten minute walk from the building you work in. It’s far from the main row and so you didn’t get caught in a jam on your way out, not until you get to the roundabout near the east entrance. 

You stroll along behind the few other cars parked before yours and check your phone for the time. You don’t hear the footsteps as they approach and the dimming sky disguises his shadow. You don't notice any of it until you’re grappled from behind. You’re taken off your feet as a large hand covers your mouth. 

Your phone bounces against the tarmac and your bag is flung from your arm. You kick out and flail, whining into the calloused palm as your eyes prickle. You grasp at the thick arms as you’re spun around to face the open trunk. You kicked at the man’s feet as he bends you and shoves you headfirst into the trunk. You try to push yourself out but he’s too strong. 

The lid shuts and you roll over to beat on it as you holler. Your heart pounds in your ears and your lungs burned as your voice turns to horrible gasps. Panic drowns you as the engine turns over and the car backs out smoothly.

Oh no, no, no. This can’t be happening. 

The suddenness of it all has you dizzy. The man’s scent clings in your nose. You've smelled that before. Your eyes round in the darkness as the tires roll without stopping. No, no, no. That man! The same one on the bench. 

You didn’t forget him. You couldn’t. The abnormality, the absurdity of his introduction, was enough to stick in your head. It’s only that you didn’t let yourself believe it was anything but a strange encounter. You know who you are, you know you’re nothing special. Unlike him, you’re not interesting enough to remember. 

Or so you thought. 

You thump on the lid of the trunk, then the back, screaming. The car doesn’t stop. The man only muffles your voice with the radio. As you continue your assault on the walls of the trunk, he slams on the brakes so that you roll violently into the siding. He does the same several times until you’re quiet and stunned. 

Your adrenaline fades to fear as you can only lay in the dark and dread what comes next. The worst scenarios race through your mind but every now and then, your heartbeat spikes again. You have to get out.

Bang, bang, bang, ‘let me out!’ 

You’re shaken and exhausted but utterly and painfully awake. Whatever comes next, you can’t just put your head down and ignore it. Not like everything else in your life. This is the one thing you have to face, whether you like it or not. You can’t just brush it off, you can’t just forget. 

You wanted desperately for something to happen in your dull life but could never conjure a nightmare as real as this. 

🖊️

When the engine slows and the axle lurches to a stop, you’re not ready. How could you be ready for any of this? You don’t understand why this is happening to you. 

The car shuts off and your heart reaches its paramount. It’s beating so fast you can’t think. You can barely breathe. The car door slams shut and shakes the entire vehicle, making clear that you are overpowered. Footsteps tread over the ground towards the trunk and you steel yourself for the horror that awaits you. 

You know his face before you see it. Even as the shadows swallow up his features, you know him. He grabs you by the front of your blazer, hauling you out without a word. He handles you like a stray caught; rough and agitated. You claw helplessly at him and whine. 

“Please--” 

“Scream one more time,” he spins you and curls an arm around your neck, marching you forward with stunted steps, “and I’ll crush your throat.” 

You gurgle and clasp onto hit thick forearm. Your tears well over, though your face is already raw from the waves of terror that poured over in the black of the trunk. Lights wash over you and give some sense to the grounds around you. 

You expect an abandoned warehouse or some faraway cabin. Somewhere remote where you’ll never be found. Somewhere you’d be forgotten. Who is there to forget you? 

Instead, you make your way up a long walkway before a large mansion. At least compared to your box apartment, it seems as such. Your low heels clack shakingly as the man keeps you firmly hooked. He takes you up the front steps, between replicas of famous status, and lets himself in through the double doors, the brass knockers jiggling with his entrance. 

He doesn’t seem the type to live in a place like this. The thought is silly given your circumstance. Your sobs settle to hiccups as your mind wanders to the tedious and unimportant. Is that a genuine Rembrandt on the wall? 

“Can you walk on your own or do I keep the leash on?” He snarls. 

You gulp and try to nod against his burly muscle, “yes...” 

He lets go at the wisp of your agreement. You shudder and pull away from him, not far as you don’t want to instigate him. You cross your arms and look at him, pouting as tears roll to your chin. It is the man from the bench. You knew it but now you’re certain. 

“Up,” he points to the left branch of the double staircase. 

“Sir, please, why are you doing this--”  

“Sir?” He grimaces, “no questions. Just go.” 

You snivel and put your head down. You turn stiffly to the staircase and reach for the curled banister. You climb with dread heavy in your heels. Your shoe slips off and you stumble. He growls and lifts you under your shoulders, dragging you up the last few steps. 

“Left. Second door on your right,” he commands. 

You whimper and hug yourself again. You obey as peruse along the finely decorated walls. The details assure you that whoever’s home this is has a precise eye. There is some familiarity in the style; it reminds you of some of the offices nestled in the heart of the university. 

He reaches around you, crowding you against the door as he turns the handle. His breath scalds down your neck. Is he smelling you? 

He pushes the door open and snaps his fingers. You enter and look around for an answer. Why are you here? Who has brought you here?  

The leather chair behind the desk has its back to you. You can see a man’s dark hair above it. Like some sort of movie, he turns to face you slowly. You unwittingly step back against the other man as you’re struck by the reveal. 

“Ah, I was starting to think you got lost,” Helmut Zemo intones as his latent gaze meets your startled one. 

His soft brown hair with wisp of silver, the keen way his lips naturally curve, and his dark eyes. He's unmistakable. The vaunted dean of linguistics and language studies is the last face you expect to see.

“Dean?” You murmur dumbly and chuff out several shallow breaths. 

“Hello, darling,” he purrs as he sits forward, putting his elbows on his desk, “I trust you had a safe journey.” 

“I-- what?” You gasp. You turn to look at the man prowling behind you. “No, he--” you choke as he snarls at you.  

You face the dean again. It doesn’t make sense. Why are you here at the dean’s home? You only really know him by his likeness, pasted on every literary publication on campus and hung in the halls across his faculty. You’ve met him once at some lunch but it was that fleeting formal introduction you forget before you’ve even left the event. 

“Rumlow, I told you to be gentle with her,” he tuts and shakes his head, “allow me to apologise for my colleagues behaviour. He isn’t the type for sorries.” 

You mop your cheeks with your cuffs and sniffle. Your a shaking mess. The other man paces towards the other side of the room. He uncaps the decanter there and pours himself a glass of dark liquor. 

“Now, it is rude to serve oneself before a lady,” Zemo snips, “please, she would do well for it.” He turns to you after reproaching his associate; the man he calls Rumlow. “Sit, dear, let us speak civilly before things get... less civil.” 

You suck in a quaking breath, “I don’t understand--” 

“Sit and I shall explain,” he insists. 

You cross the large study and claim the seat across from him. The other man approaches and holds a glass of flat scotch under your nose. The roiling alcohol fumes and makes your eyes water anew. You accept it he loudly slurps his own. 

“Thank you, but I...” 

“Drink. I believe you will need it.” 

The dean’s words draw your attention back to him. You make yourself sip and scrunch up your nose at the taste. You don’t drink. It only gives you a headache. 

“Now, I’ve brought you hear because I would like to review your work,” he smirks and goosebumps raise on your skin. Rumlow looms close as Zemo’s tone puts you on edge. “I do enjoy when university staff are so eager to put their work out there.” 

You’re confused. What does he mean? You’re not a PhD, you’re no faculty spending hours writing papers on physics, you’re just a registrar’s assistant. 

“Ahem, let me just...” he pauses and unfolds a tablet on the desk. He props it up in the case and pulls his glasses down to his nose. He taps the screen and begins to read, “'You can hardly believe it’s real. That you’ve put yourself in this position. There’s no going back now. There is no escape from this man...'” he pauses and looks up at you, waiting for a reaction. Your spine tingles, “let me go on to my favourite passage,” he refocuses on the tablet, “’his rough hands grazed her soft skin, making her shiver, making her whine. He smothers her protests and her breath as he drowns her in a hungry kiss”.” 

Again he looks at you. You sink down in chair and turn your attention to the liquor. Oh no. You make yourself drink. You don’t stop until it’s empty. The other man laughs. 

“You have a way with prose,” Zemo praises. 

“Please,” you choke through the burn, “I... its just stories. They’re meant to be private. It’s...” you bite your lower lip. It still doesn’t make sense. “Why am I here?” 

Now both men laugh. You’re the joke. You look between then. Rumlow approaches and you shy away. He takes the empty glass and walks away with it. He clinks it down with his own on the oak bar. 

Zemo watches you intently. You rock in the chair. He could’ve fired you in the office, so what is all this? 

“I like your hypotheses,” he slithers, “I thought we might test them out. As is the academic way.” 

“What?” You pulses thumps in your temples, “what do you--” 

Rumlow startles you as he closes his hands around your neck from behind. He hushes you as he squeezes your yipe into a croak. He drags you up to your feet as you writhe and kick out. One of your shoes falls off in your struggle as he lurches you forward. 

“You know, fantasy can be such a good outlet for... self-discovery,” the dean stands as his chair rolls out behind him, “but it pales in comparison to the real thing.” 

“Please--” you crackle out of your throat as Rumlow squeezes your neck tighter. 

“And reality is a writer’s companion. Their work is always better when they have experience to draw on,” he comes around the desk as Rumlow brings you to face him. You can’t help but press yourself to the other man as the dean closes in. “And a creature like you, you’ve never felt desired. That much is clear. It drips from your words. These stories are a plea for more.” 

He runs his fingers up the lapel of your blazer and urges it down your shoulders and arms. You quiver as you’re trapped between the two men. You can only stare wide-eyed as you reach back weakly to claw at the bigger man’s jacket. He growls and you quickly retract. 

“Now, darling, the fear will only make it all the more... exciting,” he draws out the last word teasingly, “have you not written this one already?” 

You whimper as he unbuttons your blouse. You quake as he bares you plain white bra and you quivering stomach. The other man pushes his crotch to you, grinding with a snarl. 

“Ah, Rumlow, patience,” Zemo warns as he peels your blouse down your arms, “my colleague can be rather... impulsive.” 

Your head swells and spins. This can’t be real. You just can’t believe it. The humiliation of being found out is burned through by the fear coursing in your veins. 

“Please,” you eke out again. 

“Shhh,” he presses a finger to your lips and toys with the bottom one. “Mmm,” he turns his hand to frame your mouth, “how has no one ever noticed these pretty lips?” 

He leans in and kisses you. The other man moves a hand to the back of your neck, pinching so you squirm. Rumlow’s other hand hooks around to cover one side your chest, kneading through the unlined cup as you’re suffocated by Zemo’s mouth. 

Zemo purrs and draws back. He licks his lips and hums again. His fingertips crawl down your sides and across your stomach. You squeak and flinch as Rumlow squeezes your neck harder. 

“Darling, you can be good, can’t you? I fear you’ve been for too long,” Zemo taunts, “but can my associate let you go? Might we trust that you are to struck with lust that you cannot possibly flee?” 

You suck in air and babble. You only want the pain to stop. You nod, “yes...” 

“Yes, Dean,” he corrects and sends a look to Rumlow. 

The vice falls away from your neck, instead tugging at the hook of your bra. Zemo’s gaze falls to your tits and he purrs. He fondles you brazenly, running his thumbs over your nipples as the point through the thin fabric. 

“So plain one must appreciate the simple beauty,” he squeezes and leans in to kiss along your cleavage.  

You bra slackens and he lets go to let it slip down. Rumlow untangle it from your arm as Zemo gropes one side of your chest and seals his lips around your nipple. You moan and the air turns static at the vocal betrayal. 

Rumlow laughs and his hand spreads across the other side of your chest. He rolls your nipple harshly, tweaking as you whine. His hand falls down and he feels along your saft tummy. He growls as he slaps your ass with his other hand. You jolt and Zemo’s mouth pops off your tit. 

“Delectable,” he snarls and gives a nip to your flesh. 

Rumlow yanks down the elastic of your plain slacks. The cheap sort you order online. Your panties slip down halfway as he forces the fabric past your thighs. You reach to brace Zemo’s shoulder without thinking, feeling as if you might tip over. 

He touches your elbow as he bends to once more teethe and tease your tits. He bounces them then crushes his face between them. You stare down in shock, still paralysed in disbelief. 

Rumlow rolls your panties down your ass, your ankles bound up in the gathered wool and cotton. He shifts and lowers himself to his knees. He covers your ass with his large hands and you waver on your feet. He pulls your cheeks apart and snarls again. The man sounds like an animal. 

You yelp as he pushes his face into your ass and his tongue swipes along your tight hole. Oh god! Oh! Your muscles knot and coil and you hug Zemo’s head to keep from tipping between them. You reach one arm back as you arch your back and latch onto the other man’s shoulder. 

You drone out a startled but sultry moan. It’s unlike anything you’ve felt before. You haven’t felt this before. Another’s touch. Another’s hunger. You puff out shallow gasp as you’re caught in the storm of warring sensations. Your fear dissipates as you’re overcome by the slow build of please. 

You close your eyes as you try to pretend it’s just one of your stories. One of the many written fantasies you used to tamp down that need for desire. For this! Even alone, even your own touch, could not ease the longing that needles inside you. 

“Darling,” Zemo growls as he kneels in turn and grips your hips, doting on your stomach. He makes your imperfections feel perfect as he worships you with his mouth. 

Rumlow lets out another growl as he laps and his finger tickles up to meet his tongue. You squeal as he pokes his fingertip inside of you, the scalding intrusion tingling in your thighs. It hurts but in a way that you want more. Without a thought, you lean back, urging him deeper into your ass. 

Zemo traces along your pelvis and over the patch of curly hair. His fingers wander between your legs, nudge them apart and he toys with your clit. You quiver as he rolls over your bud, flicking and swirling as you slicken. You feel the blood swelling at his touch. 

He leans forward on the heel of one hand and tilts his head up, delving into your folds. He trails his hand down your thigh and sucks on your clit as he purrs. Rumlow pulls his finger in and out of your ass as you tighten around him, your walls pulse at their duality. 

Your stomach coils and your insides ripple. A tightness bounds you up as you puff out heavily and spasm through the sudden release of tension. You grip Zemo’s hair, forgetting the man has more than a physical hold over you, your other hand curling on Rumlow’s shoulder. You cum with a warbling yawl as you throw your head back. 

Neither man stops until you’re a shaking mess. Until your legs are so slack that you lean back on the man behind you and your whole body threatens to fold over. Rumlow slides his finger free and Zemo wipes his wet lips up your pelvis before he sits back on his heels. 

The move you as you pant loudly. You have no strength left to resist them. You’re strewn across the leather chaise that sits mirror to the desk at the other end of the room. The men circle you as your head lolls and you lay naked but for one heel still on your foot. 

They undress without a word between them. It’s clear this is planned. That they have every single second of the night calculated. You can only get through it. 

As Zemo reveals his furry chest, your cheeks raze with fire. You’re embarrassed more to see the dean like this than for him to see you. You turn your face away only as Rumlow stands even more bare.  

His chest is covered in coarse black hair that trails down to his pelvis. You gasp at the sight of his rigid length bobbing before him. His thighs are corded with thick muscle and his stomach tightens as he steps closer. 

Your turn your head again and nearly squeal at Zemo. Slighter than the other man he is no less eager to have you. As he nears, you curl into yourself. 

They don’t let you disappear or detach. Rumlow grabs you, lifting you off the leather, and takes your places across the chaise. 

Zemo guides you, something in his hand. You can’t keep up with any of it. He turns you to face the other man, nestling his chin into your shoulder as he holds himself flush with you. He sways you and he presses the shape between the top of your cheeks and squirts coolness down your ass. 

He tosses the bottle onto the chaise and it bounces to rest at the end. He rubs the lube around your hole and dips his fingers in, once, twice, three times. He nuzzles you and moves you closer to the leather bench. 

Rumlow reaches for you. Both men guide you over his prone body. You’re made to straddle him with your back to him. He grips his dick and taps the tip on your ass, sliding between your cheeks as he wets himself with the lube. Zemo grabs it and reaches around you. Another squirt adds to the wetness. 

Rumlow pushes his tip against your ring. You yelp and try to pull away. He grabs your shoulder and holds you in place, stretching you around him slowly. You shake at the deep and fervent agony that radiates up your back. 

Zemo coos at you as he strokes your cheek. He climbs up on the chaise as Rumlow drops his legs over the sides. He sits before you, coaxing you as the other man eases you onto his dick. You grit your teeth and cling to the dean’s wrists as he kisses your forehead. 

“It’s alright, darling, you’re doing good,” he praises and pets your head, “just a little more, mm?” You sink down another inch and whimper, “a little more,” he repeats. When at last you bottom out, tears spring fresh down your face. “Very good, darling.” 

“She’s tight,” Rumlow snarls and starts to rock you, “holy shit, she’s fucking--” 

“Language,” Zemo girds as he continues to stroke your face, “you hear that, darling? You are so good. Hm? He likes you.” 

“Weirdo,” Brock mutters but keeps you moving. 

Zemo runs a hand down your body. A tide rolls through you at the soft graze of flesh, and he once more finds your clit. You’re overly sensitive and so full already. He toys with you as you pout out shallow pants. He slowly lays you back as Rumlow takes you across his torso. 

Zemo dips his fingers into your cunt and out again, smearing around your slickness. As his eyes fixate on your cunt, you close your own, hiding beneath your lids. The other man continues to rock from beneath you, stretching you to your limit. 

As Zemo drags his hand from your cunt, the chaise shifts with his weight. He moves closer, draping your legs around him as he slides his tip along your entrance. He pushes along your folds, wetting himself as you quiver, then aligns himself again. He forces his tip inside, just the head, and lingers. 

He raises himself and bends over you as your muscles tug with tension. Rumlow grunts from below as Zemo bends over to kiss you and inches further inside. You nearly cough into his mouth as he gets deeper and deeper. Oh, god, you don’t know if you can take it. 

Rumlow brings his hands around to kneads your tits, his hips tilting as the other bottoms out in your cunt. They both groan as if they can fill your fullness. You throw your arms around Zemo and gnash your teeth, mewling and moaning as you sink your nails into his back. 

He kisses along your chin and cheeks as he starts to thrust. Long, languid, and calm. It has you on fire as the other man matches his tempo. A torturous teasing rhythm that has you writhing and whimpering. 

You’re crushed between them, bodies sweaty and sticking, the friction of hair and skin, of saliva and need. Your head lolls as Zemo nips and sucks as Zemo nips and sucks at your throat, a hand snaking under your ass, basking in the feel of you as nails graze tender flesh. 

A roughness from below as Rumlow bucks his hips harder, plunging deeper, breathing across your scalp as he grunts and growls. His pinches and gropes your chest as your spine curves wantingly. You succumb to your basest desires, to the fantasies you fall asleep to, the very same that you put to paper. It’s horrid but it’s oh so delightful, being used and bruised and tortured until you just can’t think. 

“That’s it, darling, you see how natural it is,” Zemo purrs as he quickens, “how you give yourself over to your purpose. You always knew you would...” he speaks between stolid groans, “those weren’t only stories...” he cradles your head and lifts it, looking deep into your eyes as he ruts into you, the man below you matching his time, “you were begging for this.” 

Your eyes roll back and you cum again. You feel something inside you snap, like a dam breaking with the pressure of a deluge, you gush out around the men, squeezing and twitching until you are hollow. Yet they don’t stop. They keep going. 

Rumlow sits up as Zemo moves with him, bringing you into his lap. The man behind grips your shoulder as his pelvis claps against your ass and the one before you sits back as you shake around him. He holds your head up as it threatens to wobble on your neck. 

You orgasm again. Your lashes flutter, your heart too. Every part of you is pulsing. Their gristling, grinding voices storm in your skull, almost maddening as their bodies sandwich yours. 

“Shittttt,” Rumlow drawls and bends his head forward, biting into your shoulder as he empties himself in you. He quakes as slows and sits back, twitching as he keeps you around him. 

Zemo sighs as you feel his own release. His hips rock subtly as he cums and holds you close, his eyes roving down to watch you tremble. When at last you’re still, the tremors do not fade. He grazes his knuckles down your stomach and you moan. 

“Shall we try that sweet mouth?” Zemo brushes long you lower lips. 

“Fuck yeah,” Rumlow growls, causing the other man’s eyes to glint.  

He might pretend to be proper but dean has proven himself just as sinister as any man; in reality or fiction alike. 

[toasterdrake]

Doric x gn!Reader - First Watch

Doric cuddling up to you because it's cold, with a dash of unrequited (?) pining

"I'll take first watch," you say, "Keep an eye on the horses."

Edgin nods and lets you go. He has dinner to craft and plans to brew.

The horses are tethered just outside the copse of trees the party has made your campsite. Hills sprawl out around the overgrown crown, a blanket of navy green under the sapphire of an evening sky. Wind brushes the trees and long grass; the horses nicker softly to each other.

Making the rounds, you loosen each saddle's girth to ensure their comfort for the night. Yelps punctuate flashes of light behind you; Simon is practicing a new spell from the scroll you had recently been compensated with. Doric is laughing at his misfortune; oh, how charming he is.

You settle for your watch on a patch of soft grass skirting a proud birch tree. Silver bark is cool against your back, and the Northern wind is icy. You shiver, pulling your cloak tighter around your shoulders. The sun's warmth has begun to seep from the earth, leaving the hillside cold.

Petrichor is in the air, haze of falling rain distant over the hills. It'll reach your campsite in the night. When your watch is over and a cold dinner in your belly, you'll warn the others. Not that much can be done in the face of nature.

The evening wanes, sky darkening into indigo. Firelight trickles through shadows of trees, quiet discussion whispers on the breeze.

"You know, usually when people volunteer for first watch it's because they want to be alone."

Gentle so as not the spill the contents of the bowl she's holding, Doric nudges you with her foot.

"Edgin said to bring you dinner before it goes cold."

"Oh. Alright. Thanks."

When you take the bowl from her -- it is warm in your hands; you cradle it as your only vestige of the far-off fire -- Doric settles next to you against the birch.

"Oh, are you going to stay?"

"Would you like me to go?"

You almost want her to leave, but more than anything you want her to stay. Moreover, she wants to stay, so who are you to deny her?

"No, I don't mind." A beat passes as you bring the spoon up to your mouth. "Can I ask why, though?"

Doric shuffles her feet, watching the toes of her boots shift grass. "It's just... Simon, he's... he's nice and all, but..."

"He's into you and that makes you uncomfortable?" You supply.

Relieved you've filled in the blanks, Doric nods. Finding her words is easier now. "He doesn't seem to get that... that he's fighting for a second chance when I've already told him no."

Listening to the world surround the two of you, Doric is silent for a while. She picks at grass, knotting blades together. You stay quiet as well, focused on eating, grateful to be trusted as a rare space to vent.

Eventually, "My reason last time was that he made me feel sad, but it wasn't really his fault. He made me sad because I was trapping myself, trying to feel something for him."

Doric begins tearing at the grass crown she'd built, before giving up and letting it scatter in the wind. "I never should've given him a first chance. How am I supposed to turn him down now?"

Setting your empty bowl on a mossy root of the tree, you give your full attention to the druid beside you. Though Doric's question is likely rhetorical, you need to answer it. For her sake.

"You don't have to give him an excuse. 'No' will always be enough. He'll understand that, even if it takes him some time."

The smile Doric gives you is tired, but undeniably grateful. You hate the way your heart seizes in your chest.

The birch's roots cradle the two of you too closely, and now your shoulders are pressed together with nowhere to go. Doric seems unfazed, perfectly comfortable against you. You bring your knees up just for the excuse of locking your arms around them, holding your own hand instead of hers.

The evening wanes further into night, yet Doric shows no indication of leaving, despite shivers chasing up her spine on occasion. Surely a seat by the fire would be warmer, so why is she here with you? Does she dread Simon that strongly?

Disillusioned by the bite of the wind, Doric leans further into you. She seems to take comfort in the warmth of your body, and you don't have the strength in your heart to push her away. Instead, you open up -- bringing your cloak around to encompass Doric as well.

Smiling against you, Doric sighs deeply, light and content. She tucks her head under yours, chin resting on your collarbone. Your throat bobs, your hand resting on her shoulder under the cloak. The impression of a horn presses against the underside of your jaw, and copper hair tickles your neck. Doric's tail curls around your leg in a comforting gesture.

Damn your heart.

[redinthefaceandcheeks]

HPL:A The Yellow King

[Part One]

Sarah woke up in a panicked jolt, eyes bolting wide open as they strained against the early morning darkness. They tried their best to make out the contents of the room while desperately scanning the area for any unwelcome intruders. 

There was none.

‘I don’t think any of them were capable of stalking in the shadows, even bother playing games with us’, Sarah reassured herself as she forced her body to take some deep breaths, ‘but there could always be desperate scavengers around.’

Once she was able to calm down and weigh the options, Sarah decided that it was not worth the risk of even trying to go back to sleep. With a muffled groan, she tossed the blankets off and let her body be shocked by the morning cold before rolling out of bed to begin the day as much as she could. It started with her physically double-checking every nook and cranny of her recently claimed shelter before making her way to the kitchen.

Sarah scooped an extra generous spoonful of instant coffee and drowned it in cold tap water while whisking it with a fork. She choked down the caffeinated sludge before she crossed the kitchen and examined the pantry of stolen supplies that she managed to gather before the outside became too risky.

She scanned the dwindling shelves and selected the last good energy bar, a packet of preportioned peanuts, and a stick of beef jerky. It would not be long until she was forced to move on to canned products and instant oatmeal. Eating canned food without any form of heating was not something that Sarah wanted to think about, although it would not be the worst option. 

Sarah did one last loop around her place, this time paying special attention to examine the window barriers while trying her best not to look out at any of the cracks and openings. Once she was certain of her defenses she crept back to her bed and retrieved her phone from the changing station. The heating went out on the second day but somehow, against the odds, the electrical grid was still running.  

Sarah curled herself into a ball underneath her blankets, turned on the phone and began cycling through the remaining feeds across her half dozen apps.  As the harsh LED light shone in her face, displaying the most recent updates, her mind drifted back to just a few days ago when the whole world went to hell.

“DO NOT PITY THE DEAD, THEIR JOBS ARE ALREADY DONE.”

That was the voice… the thing that resonated across the supermarket as the bodies of those afflicted bodies disintegrated into themselves, leaving a three-dimensional pitch-black silhouette in its place. Following that, the void beasts pushed themselves out of those bodies and into our world. 

Sarah vividly remembered how, against all logic and reasoning, a multi-limbed panther-like creature clawed out of the form of an elderly man who was on the opposite end of the food aisle when it all went down. Thankfully the creature did not see her and instead bolted down the other lanes to begin its rampage.

From Sarah’s adrenaline-flooded mind, she could only remember seeing less than a half dozen void beasts within the store but those were more than enough to slaughter the remaining customers and staff. She still did not know how she got out of that store in one piece, but she will always remember the face of that woman whose body served as a distraction for the gorilla-like creature as she made her escape.

Once out into the open parking lot, Sarah ran full sprint to her car, praying that none of those flying creatures circling above would swoop down to get her nor that any of the void beasts trapped inside the cars could claw out until she passed by. She remembered practically flinging herself through the driver-side door of her car and almost crashing into an SUV as she peeled out of the parking lot.

Sarah's activity chose to not remember the contents of the drive out of the store, the pitch-black monster clashing against the sunny day as they carried on their nondiscriminatory and inhumane assault on everyone who was caught outside. She also tried not to remember the blood flowing through the streets, whose scent invaded her nose through the car vents, nor the screams of terror as bodies were torn limb from limb and the sound of those body parts thudding underneath her car.

The chaos prevented Sarah from getting back to the safety of her own house and was forced to take refuge in one of the abandoned homes that she found on a side street off of another side street. She selected a simple one-floor house that had a ‘for sale’ sign on it and thankfully there were no squatters, other residents, or even void beasts roaming the halls.

Once inside, Sarah secured her surroundings the best she could and then did the only thing she could, she retrieved her phone and desperately tried to get an idea of what was happening. She was bombarded with text messages from frantic friends and family members asking if she was safe and informing her of who either transformed or was slaughtered in the still ongoing unfolding mayhem.

It was then she learned that whatever it was, it was a global phenomenon and it happened at the exact same time. The police and armies of the world were caught off guard and were in the process of getting slaughtered as the governments scrambled to figure out which leaders were killed, who their replacements were, and how to respond.

It took a while but from the reports, it seemed that just five percent of the population transformed into void beasts. Five percent of the human population was all it took to carry out enough slaughter to stop the world in its tracks.

It was clear that whatever was happening, it would not be over quickly. With that daunting realization, Sarah surveyed the neighborhood and after building up her confidence, she bolted from house to house and began raiding the area for all of their food and supplies. Through a strike of luck, she made off with a bounty of food before anyone else thought of seizing it.

After her quick one-woman raid of the neighborhood, Sarah was feeling pretty confident in her chances until the night fell and the heater system sputtered after the first attempt of turning it on which led to an uncomfortable cold night that only enhanced the uncomfortableness of the paranoid and fear of the void beasts that were now roaming outside.

As the global chaos continued, it became evident that it was not just the transformation that was a problem. It seemed that the planet itself responded in terror with earthquakes in India, storms in Africa and South America, with consecutive tidal waves crashing upon the west coast of the United States. Each of those ecological disasters, only further exasperated the remaining government services as they tried to provide humanitarian aid and fend off the void beasts. 

Even beyond the natural disasters, it soon became evident that not all void beasts were the same. News reports and first-hand accounts not only reported regional void beasts around the world but some were clearly special. There was a dragon-like creature terrorizing China, a giant goliath amalgamation was roaming Europe, and something in the Arctic was reported before all communications were cut off. Out of all of them, the one that caused the most alarm for Sarah, in her little hideout in Beaumont, Louisiana, was the one that started in New Orleans and was slowly approaching. 

Multiple online rumors reported that a human emerged from New Orleans when all of this first started. Some said he emerged from a person, similar to the other void beats, while others said that he was chosen by the monsters. From the utter chaos of the initial event and the frantic rumor mill of terrified people speculating on every aspect of the unfolding events, it was impossible to figure out anything about who the person was beforehand.

Despite the conflicting origins, one thing was known, down in New Orleans, a man climbed atop one of the six-legged elephant-like creatures and commanded it to head due west. He was also able to rally a huge following of both void beasts and humans to join in next to him. Soon enough there was a massive parade of humans and void beasts marching side by side without any bloodshed. The parade itself was orderly, following the roads when possible, circled by panther-like creatures on the ground and winged void beasts overhead. Reports came out that all the people were happy, with wide smiles as they also sang along in the march. 

At first, it seemed like this was truly a miracle, a path of salvation in his hell, but as more and more people were giving it attention the danger revealed itself.

Through the power of the parade or some outside force, the man who started this radiated a yellow-tinged aura. Only through second-hand reports was it discovered that anyone who laid eyes on that light, even just a glimpse, was immediately compelled to join in the parade. That meant men, women, and children of all ages would drop whatever they were doing and feverishly race on foot to catch up and join in the parade while singing the communal song.

When it started some of it viewed it as salvation, both with safety in seeming protection from the local void beasts, and some viewed it as an exit from this hell. Nonetheless, when the parade started, word spread to look towards the light and join the march.

It did not become apparent what that truly meant until a viral video of a family of a father and two children desperately trying to soothe a frantic mother who was tied to a chair. As that was happening the mother was trying her best to claw out of the restraints while begging to join in the parade. According to the follow-up reports from the family, she protested and pleaded throughout the entire night. When it became clear that her mania would not subside and would jeopardize the safety of the family, the husband gave in and set her free. From that series of posts social media and remaining news platforms referred to the mysterious man as, ‘The Yellow King’.

The true horror was revealed after someone attempted to scavenge a New Orleans hospital that the Yellow King and his parade passed by. The person quickly got his camera and started recording all of the sick and elderly patients who were strewn around the hallways. Apparently, they all ripped themselves out of their medical equipment and crawled out of bed all in an attempt to join the parade. Through the video, you could hear their feeble voices wavering as they sang the same song in unison.

Once those two videos hit the web, people gave the parade the caution it deserved but it still claimed victims from those just too curious to look away and those who risked their lives to provide the best on-the-ground reporting for the rest of the world.

But even with the necessary precautions, people were quickly reminded that the human’s sight range is infinite. People who were miles and miles away, even as far as where the parade was only a speck, were infected with the compulsion to join.

The most bizarre thing about the ones that were affected by it from a distance was they would not use any vehicles to close the distance, instead, they would just run on foot. Even though who was on the highway when the parade passed by, all of them would fling open their doors and scrambled out, leaving their possessions and in some cases, their still buckled children in their car seats.

But as the parade carried on throughout the first chaotic hour of the apocalypse and into the night, it was revealed that the Yellow King and his elephant-like steed never stopped. They just continued on its path due west from New Orleans. There were no breaks or any consideration provided for the people surrounding him, the precession just continued at the same steady pace. The enraptured people never stopped their marching or their fevered reverence either, not stopping for food or rest. They all just continued singing his praises.

While their minds were willing, the people’s bodies were still only human and began to falter. They sang until their throats went hoarse and lips were cracked and despite that, they continued, willing themselves or being willed to sing and march with the same ravenous energy that they started with

Without rest or sleep, one by one the bodies failed them, first it was their legs which they then resorted to keep up with the parade by dragging themselves with their struggling arms until they died of exhaustion. On the second day, there was a line of broken rotten corpses that was already being picked apart by scavenging animals. 

Once they realized the true threat of the Yellow King‘s parade, the overwhelmed military and police forces diverted their limited resources to respond.

There were three strikes against the monstrous parade, the first two failed outright as almost all the combatants fell to the compulsion to join, with a fleet of fighter jets crashing into the ground in a hastily emergency landing to join them.

Through those failures, it was discovered that any glimpse of Yellow King’s aura from a reflection was enough to induce the compulsion.

It was well into the second day, through both government intel and people nearby and a lot of trust in those reporting, it was discovered that looking at a digital photo of the Yellow King did not evoke the otherworldly affliction. The photos were either grainy or out of focus but with enough people’s effort, and the help of some government officials that were able to spend time and resources, the internet could get a clear idea of this Yellow King.

After days of surviving terrors and watching the horrors of the parade unfold, the most anticlimactic moment was when it was revealed that it was just a man. A scrawny, somewhat frail late middle-aged man who just stood on the back of a massive elephant-like creature. Sometime during or possibly before the parade, no one could tell, this Yellow King acquired a set of yellowing robes that were inscribed with undecipherable runes. 

His body looked as dehydrated as his eager followers, yet he was able to compose himself to stand tall and bask in the praise while he led the parade forward as he smiled and laughed through cracked and bloody lips. 

From the first few low-quality pictures, they looked like a cloth draped around him. But once someone was able to capture a clearer picture with the higher definition and the edges of the robe it became clear that it was made of flayed human skin. 

Upon his head was a warped golden crown, the metal that comprised the crown was deformed, as if it was placed through a physical distortion filter, and set upon to the top was a gem that shone eldritch yellow light that was the source of aura that engulfed him. 

Once the military had its target of an old man, the source of his power, and a better understanding of the limits of the aura, the remaining United States forces mounted a third attack with drones and specially outfitted tanks. When they thought they had the upper hand, they discovered that the void beasts would use their bodies to block all incoming missiles and attack any tanks, reducing them to shreds.

After that, the military retreated and resorted to just tracking the path of the parade and providing push notifications to the citizens of the Louisiana countries and towns that the Yellow King was passing through. That admitted defeat only added more fuel to social media as rumors of who the Yellow King was and what his purpose in the grand scheme of things.

Since the start the parade ravaged New Orleans, passed through Lafayette, just crossed Lake Charles, and was just outside of Beaumont, which was where Sarah was currently sheltered. Sarah did and redid the math herself, tracking where the Yellow King started, his recent path, and the trajectory of where it would go. If there was no immediate change or interruptions the parade would not just cross through the town she was in but it was going to march right past the house she was taking shelter in plus or minus a few blocks.

Those hazards did not stop others from sheltering around the neighborhood from trying to make their escape when they heard about the incoming parade. Sarah witnessed others emerge from their shelters to make a mad dash to any of the abandoned cars before getting eviscerated by the patrolling void beats as they tore through the metal frames to get to them.

Between the still-roaming void beasts, the stockpile of her own supplies, and the terror of survival in the world beyond her four sturdy walls, Sarah was paralyzed with fear. She could have conceivably made her escape on the second day. Because of the choices she made, she was now in what the government called “the immediate danger” area of the parade’s path and line of sight.

When Sarah realized that it was too late to ‘safely’ escape, she spent her free time trying her best to border up all the windows and doors in her shelter. All in a desperate attempt to make her surroundings ‘watertight’ against the Yellow King’s shining aura and any of it reflecting off of the remaining mirror, windows, or cars. 

Now there was nothing left to do except huddle in her safe little corner away from any windows and distract herself from the news of the rest of the world falling apart and the spiraling rumors of the Yellow King’s end game while praying that something, anything would happen to stop the parade.

The first sign of the parade was approaching not the procession itself, but rather the evacuation of all the void beasts in the area. There was no sound or call, yet they all decided or were instructed to evacuate the area.

After a few hours of near silence, she heard the first sound of the parade. It started as a faint, yet unmistakable sound of singing. In the new eerily silence, Sarah heard the panicked sounds of despair descending into madness as some of the few remaining survivors started to fully comprehend their oncoming fate.

As instructed by the internet, by those who allegedly survived the parade’s path, Sarah shut her eyes tight, wrapped her arms around her legs, and pressed her knees into her eyelids for added protection.

All alone curled in a ball in her makeshift bed in the corner of a bare floor, Sarah waited and listened.

The singing continued its steady increase in volume and clarity as it approached. The voices that comprised the oncoming crowd were one of all types, men, women, young, and old. Some of those voices were strained and hoarse while others were recently added. Yet despite that, all of the voices had the same frenzied vigor and came together and harmonized into a strong on-beat chorus.

Too afraid to move from her position, she was forced to listen and focus on the sounds of the joyous parade. This close to it, Sarah recognized that the song was not English nor was it any other identifiable language; it sounded too non-euclidean to be a human dialect, yet despite that they all sang with perfect fluency. 

Now, over the sound of the singing, Sarah could hear the only thing that could be counted as instrumental accompanying the parade, the steady steps of the massive sex-legged elephant-like void beast. The very same that carried the Yellow King on its back. Its footsteps acted as a drum beat, which Sarah realized was perfectly synced up with the singing.

Sarah just continued to listen to the parade as she felt the growing vibrations of the footsteps of the multi-ton void beast march ever closer.

The Yellow King was here.

Panic now strangled Sarah as she tried to stagger out her hyperventilating breaths. At any moment an accompanying void beast could burst through her bordered-up defenses and she would just be sitting there, curled up in a ball, a perfect target to pounce on.

There could even be unreported fanatics who were tasked to search for anyone who was hiding, drag them out, and force them out to look at their king. Maybe, they were still human enough to know what the house was and the best places to look for people who were hiding inside. 

The singing grew louder and louder as the sounds of the parade of all those people marched and sang past the neighborhood that she was in, just as predicted. As it came down the street, Sarah could not tell if she could feel the Yellow King’s aura or if it was just her own body overheating from the fear.

Despite the hysterical terror that gripped Sarah that forced her to remain silent, there was one small insidious voice that wormed its way in front of Sarah’s forethought.

‘Would it be so bad to join the parade?’

Srah immediately dismissed the thought out right, it wiggled back in to make its case.

‘What would be better: To stay free in this ruined world without any chance of going back to the old life? Constantly struggling to get by, to get food, be safe, and hide from the void beasts while waiting for someone to rebuild the world. Or just open your eyes and join the celebration.’

‘Both would involved in death, regardless of the outcome but one would guarantee that you would be protected from the void beasts and their razor-sharp teeth and claws. It’s been three days of this, how much more could one take of this… and besides they sounded happy.’

That little voice created a compelling argument that soon Sarah was caught in a struggle of two minds as tears streamed down her face. All the while the parade drew closer and closer down. The stomps of the elephant-like thing were now causing the bed to shake/jump with each step. Soon it would be right outside her front door. This was her chance. This was her best chance if she was seriously going to do it. If she waited and let them pass by there was no telling what options would be available for her.

By her side, she felt her phone buzz with the familiar vibration pattern of the push notification from the government. 

If she was going to do anything, now would be her best chance.

Sarah took a deep breath, lifted her head, instinctively grabbed her phone, and opened her eyes.

Then she smiled. ***

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