#i will do some wanted connections eventually but alas..... i am lazy

[legillimentis]

hey, isn’t that CHLOE ‘CHO’ CHANG? i read a daily prophet article on them, once ; the TWENTY-SEVEN year old quarter veela WITCH is a RAVENCLAW alumnus who has gone on to be a MINISTRY ARCHIVIST. i’ve heard they can be quite LOYAL & PASSIONATE, but i don’t know… they came off very PESSIMISTIC & UNCOMMUNICATIVE in that interview. it really is hard to know what to believe these days though, isn’t it?

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SUMMARY

secondborn daughter and third child to chang yongjian and zhu xiang. her father is an author, he makes the family fortunes with his books about the different magical creatures found in each continent. her mother is a homemaker, forever doting on all three of her children. her mother and father are deeply in love, and it’s all chloe ever wants in life.

the spoiled youngest child, she’s doted on by her siblings. she wants to play quidditch? her brother drops everything to teach her. she wants to see the fairies that lounge in the garden? her sister knows the perfect spot to find them. she’s heartbroken when they go to hogwarts without her.

she’s kěyíng to her parents, chloe to her siblings, cho to the rest of the world. it’s her first year in hogwarts and she’s sorted into ravenclaw, she feels kind of upset as neither of her siblings are in the same house as her. still, she’s cho, her mother always says she could make a friend in an empty room. and make friends she does. she finds it easy to collect friends and acquaintances, she’s smart, very pretty and kind ( and it also helps that her brother has taught her a couple of tricks on the train on the way to school ). nobody means as much as marietta, her very best friend.

her first few years are majorly uneventful; she performs well in all of her classes, joins the quidditch team as the seeker and even develops a crush on a boy called cedric diggory when they have to share a telescope in astronomy in third year. she rolls her eyes and flicks her hair haughtily when her group of ravenclaw girls ask, but late at night, with her and marietta lounging on her bed, curtains drawn and silencing charm up she admits it. he’s the one, i’ll have him if it’s the last thing i do.

fourth year is when she meets harry potter. she can tell straight away he likes her, he has that look on his face that all the boys get when she smiles at them. he’s cute, but young, and she still has her sights on cedric.

cedric and cho get together when they meet up at the quidditch world cup. her fifth year is going to be the best of her life. they go to the yule ball together and she is the thing he will miss most. what could possibly go wrong? 

harry potter appears with her cedric’s body, he’s lifeless and staring and she breaks down right there on the quidditch stands. she’s given a draught of peace and something to sedate her and she spends four days crying in her bed with the curtains drawn. cedric’s family give her some of their photos and their letters back. she can’t bring herself to look.

it’s her fifth year and cho’s family tell her to be careful this year, something is happening, everything is changing. almost all of her friends abandon her, she’s no longer the fun-loving, happy cho that they knew last year. marietta is the only friend that stands beside her, and she couldn’t be more grateful.  still, she joins dumbledore's army with absolutely no second thoughts. it’s what cedric would do. she drags marietta along with her, she knows marietta doesn’t want to but she can’t face it alone. she’s just not brave enough.

sneak appears on marietta’s face, and no matter how upset she is with her, she cannot bring herself to kick her while she is down. it’s her turn to be a good friend. she spends the night while marietta is in the hospital wing pouring through books, searching for a way to reverse it. her budding romance with harry is destroyed when he defends hermione granger, and she’s so full of rage and upset she could scream. 

she spends her seventh and final year waiting for it to be over, she’s dating michael corner for a while until she leaves him for someone else. and someone else after that, and someone else after that. she has come to hate hogwarts over the last few years. it has brought her nothing but sadness. so when she leaves she doesn’t look back, though she keeps the da coin in her pocket, just in case. 

she’s working at the ministry in the archives. it’s interesting, keeps her mind busy, and stops her thinking about the nightmare that is going on around her. she’s the only one left one night when she feels the coin burn. and she’s apparating into the hog's head before she can think twice.

the battle goes to shit and her ex is dead. 2 dead romantic interests? she’s somewhat of a black widow. her life goes on. until bellatrix lestrange comes back. and then she’s pulled into the da again because it’s the right thing to do. because cedric would do it. harry would too.

she feels awful for dragging marietta back in again, but she doesn’t know who else she could turn to. it works out for the best. then she hears a prophecy. and she’s terrified and anxious and feels like she’s constantly on edge. but she’ll keep going. because it’s the right thing to do.

[nhaomei]

Omen - Viper - Sage theories coming up so buckle up kiddos

SO! Whatever happened to Sage and Viper, but mostly to Omen is what has caused the dimension break, creating multiple dimensions. Now, hear me out, bear with me, let me explain. So, whatever it was that has caused Omen to become what he is now, it has ripped him apart again and again, we know that. He has died multiple times. ("There is... another of me. How many times did I get ripped apart? How many times did I die?") His most important quote is "I am the beginning, I am the end." What does he mean by beginning? Maybe the dimension break, if it weren't for him getting split, all of this shit wouldn't have happened. Now, to talk about what I think he means about being "the end": Viper wants to help Omen become human again, it is one of the main things what drives Omen as well, it seems ("I will take back what is mine."). Although, I don't think he is sure of him ever becoming human again is possible. ("My burden never ends.") The voice lines have lead me to the conclusion that while the other agents ("impostors", "copies") are alternative versions of their 'original' selves (they are the same, but completely different... am I making sense?), Omen's 'copies' are way more than that. When he got ripped apart, he got 'split' between worlds/dimensions ("Split... sighs they don't know the meaning of the word.") that is why he is also always glitching, he is struggling to keep himself in one place, something is always pulling against him... (Although we know from one of his voice lines that if he gives in to this 'strain', he dies: "I let go for a second!" - when he gets resurrected (and some more voice lines fit in here but-, yea too lazy to write them all)) Fragments of himself literally scattered, either resulting in appearing in the many dimensions, or even creating them. Omen clearly shows some serious struggle to remember what has happened to him, and judging by his interactions, it is murdering other Omen's that gets parts of his memories back. "I will kill that Omen. I will take his memories. I will remember." // (Viper: "I wonder what's inside their Omen. What truth is he keeping from ours?") I do believe that he is especially out for the other Omen's blood.

But! It’s worth noting that he also feels better about himself when he's slaughtering the copies ("I feel like myself. Catch them. Again!" // "Again. Hurt them, again!") "How many must I kill before I am restored? sigh More. Always more." This could refer to the copies as well, but I think he is talking about killing other Omens. He seems to be very enthusiastic about killing his other selves, after all. Lil bit more I feel like could be connected to him feeling more like himself when he kills: "Close, I am so close." // "I can be even more." (The last two are new voice lines from deathmatch) Alright, so about his relationship with Viper. It is obvious that they've known each other before the 'tragedy' happened (Don't really know what else to call it, truth be told), we know that from their (mostly Viper's) voice lines. However, there is something that Viper is keeping from Omen. They both talk about getting the enemy Omen's memories. Maybe she kept some for herself? How... do you keep memories? Maybe I'm completely off track with this one, but her keeping secrets from him despite them trusting the other is worth mentioning. ("Don't die here, Sabine. I need your secrets.") Another thought: Maybe Omen knew the risk he was taking when he confronted the... thing that has eventually turned him into Omen (if we go with the theory of him not being the results of a failed experiment which I honestly doubt is true, but we don't know that yet. These are but theories.) What made me believe this was this voice line: "Make the right choice, even if it calls for sacrifice." Maybe it was an act of self sacrifice? (He took a risk to... to save something? Someone? Or for the sake of something I didn't think of? And well, he took the risk and look where it has lead... but maybe the other option was far worse? Maybe they had no idea what the options even were? Or what risks he/they were taking?) Him and Viper might have been counting on Sage to help them if things were to go wrong, alas, whatever it was that has happened was beyond Sage's powers. Omen: "I survived obliteration. I will survive them." I do not know what to say to this line, honestly. It's pretty self explanatory. Worth mentioning, though. 'Obliteration' does sound like something beyond Sage's powers to me x) So due to unknown forces (a massive explosion? a rift? idk) Omen has died, got split etc etc, and maybe Sage did try to revive him, maybe it did succeed, but not in the way they wanted it to; Omen was beyond redemption at this point. But she did reach out to him. With time I'm positive she has honed her skills enough for even Omen to recognize her strength. ("Sage, you are truly... limitless.") // (Sage: "I wasn't strong enough before, but now, now I am strong enough for us all." // "This is what I trained for.")

I do not know how to phrase this, but Omen has... ascented? Well, he certainly did become something way more than human. He senses when people are afraid around him, he feels what Sage's powers do to 'the natural balance' ("A Radiant healer is with them. I can feel her pull against the natural balance..."). Both him ("I have reset the balance." // "I will break the balance."- although the latter he means metaphorically, says it when the teams are tied) and Sage ("Tip the balance in our favour.") seem to have their hands on the scale, both tipping it. Sage pulling against the balance by reviving people, Omen resetting the balance by... killing? But why with killing? Well... another theory coming up: "Sage, the life you give. Do you ever wonder where it's taken from?" Remember what I wrote about Omen feeling like himself when killing others (and Omens)? I guess you could say he 'collects' when he kills to get 'restored' (back to the line: "How many must I kill before I am restored? sigh More. Always more.")... what it is he collects though, I lack the vocabulary to explain. Maybe that is where she gets the life from; from Omen. And if this is true, it also keeps him from getting restored. A quote from Viper that might be referring to this: "One more time, Omen. laughs How many times have you heard that now?"

Omen feels more obliged to kill and ‘tip the balance’ when sage tips the balance by reviving. Even, just maybe, that it’s stretched to Reyna “(...) You give life, i take it.” in a way, he is maybe fixing what sage has ‘broken’ or is doing what he believes will fix it. While we are at Viper, whatever that 'Obliteration' was, maybe Viper got blamed for it. She either lost everything due to the 'obliteration' or they took it away from her (she might has done time? idk this was a sudden idea haha) OR! A third idea. She might have been there when the 'tragedy' was happening; maybe a rift opened? Maybe that was the first time clones have appeared? Since it is the clones she is talking to when she says these lines: "You wanted a villain!? I gave you a villain!" // "I am your monster. You made me this way. Never forget that." // "Let's take from them what they took from me... Everything." // "They call me a monster. Shall I prove them right?" // ("I will not loose my home again." // "Hurt those who hurt us." // "We will hurt them.") ...Or I'm completely wrong and she is talking about something different. We shall not forget about Kingdom. Now, about Sage and Viper's vendetta against her. "Sage, you're the only one able to keep us alive. Don't fail us now, like you failed me then." Worth noting, she didn't say 'us', but 'me', 'don't fail me’. It is possible that she is talking about what has happened with Omen, but I think its more connected to her losing everything she had. How, you may ask? To answer that question: I have absolutely no clue. "That's payback, Sage." -When she kills Sage. Well, "Hurt those who hurt us." // "I am your monster. You made me this way." Hmm? Might be connected to Sage. Once again, I don't have many ideas what it is that Sage has (or hasn't) done for Viper to be so mad at her. Now a little bit about Sage! She doesn't really talk much about Viper, her voice lines are more directed towards Omen. "Omen. You are a force of nature!" (in contrast to Omen's voice line about her 'pulling against the natural balance') According to google: "To say a person is a force of nature means the person is a very strong personality or character.  In short, a person that is full of energy, unstoppable, and unforgettable. These attributes can play out in many ways, and those viewed as a force of nature, or who self-identify in this way, need to have an acute awareness of the impact, and consequences, sometimes unintended, of their power." ‘Force of nature’ in this case can be used in two contexts: to compliment omen by proclaiming he is strong, or to say that he is... one with the balance? His powers and who he is is literally a ‘force of nature’, becomes merged less with humanity and towards the unknown abyss of what we do know. Sage most definitely pities Omen. I'm convinced about that. "I wonder what torture their Omen is going through. Is it like ours? Poor soul." Does she know what her Omen is going through though? Hmm maybe she does. Sage and Omen embody life and death, Omen does feel her powers, but does she feel his? I say yes. And here is why: "Their Omen might be a nightmare, but I was never scared of the dark." Omen's whole kit works around fear, he fights by inflicting fear in his enemies. We know that from his many voice lines, his abilities and that one voice line from Phoenix: "Omen wins by fear. Don't let him get to you!" I don't believe an ordinary human is able to withstand Omen's paranoia. Sage however (while being human herself) does not fear him. Why? She knows better than that. She knows more. To quote Omen "They fear death... they should fear so much more than that." Sage might be aware of a huge chunk of what Omen knows... and knowledge keeps her from being afraid. That is all I have, thank you for coming to my TedTalk. Also! Feel free to share your thoughts on the matter, I’m curious! ----- Special thanks to @breaddaerb for helping me out finish a few thoughts

[amandahontas]

An Analysis of Antfrost

For my first psychological analysis, I’m going to be talking about Antfrost. Antfrost is an interesting character to start with since so much of his lore is connected with other characters who I obviously haven't talked about yet. I’ll start with some general background information on his character in case anyone is newer to the fandom or just knows less about him. Afterwards I’ll be moving on to talk about Ant’s personality and my personal thoughts on what I have found. 

A few things to keep in mind are: this is my opinion based on my background in  psychology (which I am not claiming to be an expert in btw), and I’m trying to keep these as neutral and unbiased as possible. Also this is strictly about the characters and not the ccs because it would be weird to try and analyze a real person who I only know through limited exposure on livestreams and youtube videos. Finally, I finished writing this on May 14th, 2021, so there are spoilers for any events that have happened before that and if any new developments make this analysis completely wrong, it is what it is. (I may go back and edit some of these later, but I also might be too lazy.)

People who seemed really interested when I first proposed this idea (I can add you if you ask):

@vulpes-ex-machina 

@head-full-of-things

Next up: BadBoyHalo (I’ll edit this to add the link when I finish writing it)

During the Manberg Rebellion, Antfrost, BadBoyHalo, and Awesamdude created the Badlands, a third party unaligned with Manberg or Pogtopia, and outside of the Greater Dream SMP. He also accidentally started the Second Pet War over accidentally killing a panda he intended to steal and keep in his animal sanctuary. The Badlands won the war. In the Manberg vs. Pogtopia war, the Badlands fought on Manberg’s side to try and keep the conflict going longer for profit. Ant specifically grinded a bunch for the war and gave Fundy and Niki a fox each. The Badlands peaced out when Technoblade became the enemy of the newly reclaimed L’manberg because they kept the conflict going in that way. 

Eventually, the egg began to become an issue. After experimenting on it and Skeppy, Antfrost quickly began to love the egg and was one of the founding members of the Eggpire. Ant destroyed the obsidian barrier around the egg in order to let its influence spread. Antfrost often takes the initiative to spread around the egg’s spores to try and infect more people. He has planted some in L’manhole, Snowchester, and Ranboo’s house in the past. He also celebrated along with the rest of the Eggpire when Tommy died. Outside of the Eggpire, Ant is a prison guard under Warden  Sam. 

Recently, Ant began setting up for the Red Banquet which was supposed to be a party to help bury the hatchet between everyone and the Eggpire. It turned out to be a trap with the Eggpire trapping everyone. The Eggpire brought Foolish up to the egg and Ant told Puffy that this never would have happened if she had stayed loyal to the egg before executing Foolish. Antfrost later died at the hands of Puffy, Foolish’s father and Ant’s former best friend, and we have not canonically seen him since (Antfrost (SMP), n.d.).

While I personally only joined the fandom after he was already corrupted, according to the wiki (n.d.), before he joined the Eggpire, Antfrost was known as kind and helpful. Despite this, he wasn’t opposed to occasionally causing chaos. He also cared very deeply about animals as evidenced by his animal sanctuary. Ever since the corruption we have seen him become careless and manipulative. He doesn’t care about anything other than the Egg, not his animals, not his friends, and certainly not himself. Ant has also said many manipulative things, such as blaming Foolish’s death on Puffy and all his attempts to persuade others to join the Eggpire. He is also the type of person who is more of a follower than a leader. He follows Bad’s lead as his right-hand-man when it comes to doing things for the Egg, and even when he goes off to do his own things, he is still doing them because they are what the Egg wants him to do.

What I'm trying to figure out is how the egg is affecting him. It appears to affect different people differently, which I will get into when I talk about other members of the Eggpire. In Ant’s case he seems to be fully unaware and possessed, though he is able to hide this when he wants to such as when he is a prison guard. The Egg almost seems to have given Antfrost a full personality swap, switching his kindness for cruelty and his care for carelessness. However, one core thing that has stayed consistent is Ant's tendency to be a follower, which can be seen in his willingness to follow Bad's lead in the Badlands as well as his complete devotion to obeying the Egg. This is probably why the Egg left this part of his personality alone.

Being a follower is not a bad thing. Ant is an exceptional right-hand man, which is an important role to any story.  He is fiercely loyal to the cause he gets behind and he puts in the hard work to try and keep the events that he is working on running smoothly. At least, he tries to keep them running smoothly, we all know what happened at the Red Banquet. Overall, I would like to see more lore from Antfrost in the future so I can get a better grasp on his motivations because as of right now he does not seem to be motivated by anything other than the Egg because of his possession. I also want to know how conscious he is of all his wrongdoings and if he is still possessed after dying. If he knew what he was doing this could definitely give him some trauma that he would have to deal with.

 I was hoping for another Antfrost lore stream to come out while I was making this, but alas I have not been fed. I’ll probably come back to this one if more lore happens, but I’ve been working on this for far too long, so here you all go!

References

Antfrost (SMP). (2021, May 3). In Fandom. https://dreamteam.fandom.com/wiki/Antfrost/SMP

[thefanficmonster]

Things Left Unsaid

Daniel x Taylor (The Dark Pictures Anthology: Little Hope)

Warnings: Swearing (of course, because Taylor)

Genre: FLUFF

Summary: When Daniel wakes up to find one of his closes girl friends in his bed, snuggled up to him on top of all, in his shirt, on top of that too, he can’t help but admit a thing or two to himself. Too bad he can’t admit it all out loud when the girl’s eyes flutter open.

Requested by my platonic spouse, amazing friend and chaotic fellow cult leader @hopeveon You already know how grateful I am for the request and how sorry I am for not completing it sooner. And you already know how much I love you so ON WITH THE DAYLOR CONTENT! Love, Vy ❤

How did this happen? - Is the first though that passes through a still half-asleep Daniel when he wakes up and finds he’s not tangled in his blankets like he usually is. In fact, the blankets are barely touching him. What little warmth he feels has nothing to do with them, but instead with the other body he appears to be sharing the bed with. The body that just so happens to be snuggled up into his side, head resting on his chest.

The body that has hogged all the blankets.

The second thought, a little less foggy than the previous, comes when said body shifts, causing the blanket to slip and reveal the material of the sleeping attire it’s clad in. That sleeping attire just so happens to be a particularly familiar shirt - his shirt:

Ok, now I gotta now how this happened.

It doesn’t take him a lot of thinking or analyzing to put two and two together and find the identity of the person cuddled up next to him. For starters, he’d never allow anyone else in this position and for seconds - that hair is hard to misidentify.

Taylor

The girl he developed a crush on at the very first glance. The girl he soon sparked a close friendship with - a friendship that he saw as a reason to try an terminate the crush he had on her because he felt it would ruin the amazing connection they had. He was prepared to sacrifice his feelings to keep things between them platonic in fear of losing her completely if he tried to move their relationship up the scale. Problem is, as much as Daniel would like to believe that feelings can so easily be erased, the truth is that the more hits they take the stronger they became. And Taylor hadn’t been helping him much either. Her caring glances, bright smiles, the subtle, probably subconscious touches on his arm. None of that seemed to be as meaningful to her as it was to him, or so he thought.  Daniel would have laughed at himself if he didn’t feel so pathetic - he was the one encouraging his friend Chris to ‘shoot his shot’ and mocked him the countless times he refused and then Taylor entered his life, causing the tables to flip on him.

As time went on though, the tables flipped again and it just so happened to be at a college frat party at the beginning of the year. After two years of friendship, suppressing feelings and desperately trying to beat them out of himself, he was still not the first one to confess anything. A good blow to his ego was that too.

Sitting on the edge of the fountain that was a safe distance away from the fraternity and its chaos, Daniel and Taylor ended up sharing a moment under the starry sky, both way too sober in terms of alcohol, but too drunk on the uncontrollable emotions that were flaring up and spreading throughout them like a wildfire. 

“I feel so childish sometimes.“ She admitted, looking down at her sneakers as she dug the heels of them in the dirt by the fountain, “Always thought I’d grow out of crushes eventually.“

Daniel wasn’t caught off-guard by this, after all, they had been discussing some class gossip to fill in the silence or perhaps to avoid saying something they shouldn’t. The gossip was generally surrounding their classmate Angela and their creative writing professor John, but in all honesty neither of them were interested in it nor did they know a lot about it which is why their conversation ended up straying into personal territory.

“Crushes are not something you grow out of.“ Daniel said in response to that, “They just get easier to deal with. Maybe even easier to confess.“

Taylor shook her head at that, her eyes wide almost as if the statement triggered something in her, “No, no way. They are in no way easier for confessing.”

Despite fully agreeing with this statement, Daniel chooses to play dumb an press the subject further in a teasing manner to cover up just how risky of a topic this is for him, especially when she’s around. “Sounds like you’ve had a personal experience with this struggle. Not one of the brave and the bold, huh?”

“Definitely not! If I were, I would’ve already admitted to you how much I like you.“ She didn’t bother to look at him when she said that, her eyes remained focused on the starry sky above, a small lazy smile playing at her lips.

While she was staring at the stars, the boy sitting next to her was star-struck, head spinning from the sudden confession on her part. He wanted to say something, anything for goodness’ sake! But, alas, he couldn’t. He couldn’t find words in general, let alone the right words to express how he was feeling. Thankfully, humans are more than capable of displaying their emotions through body language as well. 

It’s safe to say Daniel expressed all he felt and more when his lips landed on hers, leading them to share their first kiss in under the moonlight and the shimmering stars while havoc was wreaking less than a block away from them.

After that turning point in their relationship, they have been left in a sort of grey area. You know, the one that’s between platonic and officially romantic. This period that is still the present for the two of them is giving Daniel massive anxieties, doubts, speculations and fears that have kept him sleepless for more nights than he cares to count. He’s never brought it up to Taylor though. Speaking of her, she’s seems rather content, maybe even pleased with their current status of undecided, unlabeled fun. It’s reasonable enough, she was the one to initiate it after all. She said she didn’t like relationships or the label of being someone’s girlfriend, at least not this early on and definitely not in the near future and Daniel respected her view, allowing for their relationship to remain marked with question marks. However, the longer this lasted, the more his intrusive thoughts started to get to him. He’s become apprehensive, overly mindful, doubtful, suspicious and skeptical of every exchange they have. Hell, he hates himself for it but he can’t deny that he’s questioned Taylor’s intentions on more than a few occasions. He knew it was his own fears getting in the way of his rational thinking but he’s only human, he couldn’t help himself.

Taylor didn’t exactly specify why she didn’t want this relationship to be official. She didn’t want to be asked about it either. The two times he had asked she had dodged giving a concrete answer and instead changed the topic, using a vague response as a front to what was going on in her head. Daniel didn’t try and pursue the truth, he knew it had the potential of escalating into an argument, considering Taylor knew how to be rather short-fused.

Little did he know how good of a reason she had.

Every previous relationship she had entered was a train-wreck after a train-wreck. A disaster wrapped in another disaster, often times ending with her and her partner on horrible terms and talking smack behind each other’s backs following the break-up. Since junior year in high school, she hadn’t been in a relationship with a single person she liked liked. It was always a settlement for a person who’d show interest in her first, hoping her feelings would develop as the relationship progressed. Unfortunately, they never did and neither did the relationship - leading to the aforementioned disaster. The few times her and her partner remained friends were considered the successful relationships in her book.

All that taken into account, one would find her reluctance on labeling her relationship with Daniel as official pretty reasonable. She didn’t want to admit her reasoning out loud, thinking it was childish and downright nonsensical, keeping Daniel in the dark about what was going on in her head. This was the first time for her to initiate the start of something of this sort - that in and of itself made this connection between them special. Besides that, this was the first time there was a connection. The first time she liked someone. Liked liked someone. She wasn’t looking forward to starting it just for it to fall apart which is why it took her so long to set it all in motion to begin with. And that’s why now she’s taking things slow. Agonizingly slow. But from her standpoint - perfectly reasonable.

In the middle of his reminiscing, about halfway through his trip down memory lane, he shifts to provide himself a more comfortable position. He was quick to regret that decision though, very very quick, especially when he saw the arm that was previously draped over his chest reach up and run a hand through the short red hair that’s glimmering with the morning rays coming in through the window.

“Shit, sorry for waking you up, T.“ Daniel whispers, his eyes squeezing shut as he cringes at the stutter to his words and the fact he even woke her up, “Go back to sleep, it’s barely 6 AM.“

Taylor shakes his head, surprising him when she ends up snuggling closer to him as though this is a perfectly normal occurrence. “Nah, it’s ok...“ she twists her neck to look up at him, rolling over to have a better view of his face, “You seem like you haven’t been asleep for a while.“

He indeed hasn’t been. He has instead been looking back on all the times they’ve spent together, reading into them and trying to dig out every detail, but he’s of course not gonna say that. She’d probably poke fun at him for being so sentimental and sappy, “No, um, I was just thinking, that’s all.” 

All that thinking did bring something useful to him - the events of last night. How she dropped by to study together and maybe watch a movie on the small crappy TV in his dorm while Andrew is gone for the weekend. How they had started a friendly bicker session regarding their cinematic taste. How they had gotten so close to kissing....when the power went out. Daniel still regrets how much he silently cursed that power shortage - that very shortage happened to be what has led them to this: cuddling together in his bed. Taylor didn’t want to go back to her dorm in the pitch black, not that Daniel was gonna let her do so anyway, so she agreed to stay the night, scolding him for being ridiculous when he offered to sleep on the floor. Oh yeah, she also needed something to sleep in, that’s how she ended up in his shirt. With all the pieces put together, this position of theirs is even more precious in his eyes.

“Thinking bout what? If you keep talking I might end up falling asleep again...“ Taylor presses onward, prying words out of his mouth despite his obvious reluctance.

He can never say no to her, to the point where it’s an actual inconvenience at times, which is why he lets out a long sigh before speaking up again, “Have I ever told you about the first time I caught feelings for you?”

“Nope.“ She mutters, “I’m all ears.“

Daniel inhales deeply, filling his lungs to their upmost capacity as he teleports his mind to that moment two years ago. The moment he first saw her. “It was my third day of classes and I was still in no way an expert at navigating this massive campus so I got lost on my way to the bathrooms in the second building. In my defense, it was my first time there so I couldn’t have found the way even if I was a navigation prodigy.“ He attempts to lighten up the tone with which he’s speaking but to no avail, there’s too much emotion in his voice. The moment he’s describing is too meaningful. “As I was aimlessly roaming the halls in search for any bathroom signs, I heard laughter around the corner. This was a big deal, mind you, cause I hadn’t seen a single soul for a good fifteen minutes. Following the sound, it led me to a group of three people standing by a classroom. You happened to be the only person facing away from me, how ironic.“ He lets out a breathy, humorless chuckle, “Even more ironically, just as I was about to approach your friend group to ask for directions, my roommate popped up out of thin air, calling out my name like the loud doofus he is.“

“Oh yeah I remember. Conrad is a handful. I remember my friends commented on how sorry they felt for you for having to share a dorm with him. You’re lucky he graduated. And by the way, fun fact, since we didn’t know your name we just took to calling you ‘guy in red shirt’. Makes me laugh every time I think back to it“ Taylor snickers, interrupting his story-telling.

“’Guy in red shirt’, huh? I like it. It’s better than Dan, anyway.“ This gets a laugh from her as well, “And that’s when you turned around and that’s when...“

“Wait, that’s it? I turned around and you caught feelings?“ She raises an eyebrow at him, unamused as ever.

“Yes.” No. “That’s when I caught feelings for you.” That’s when I fell in love with you.

Taylor rolls her eyes, resting her head back down on his chest, “Boring! I’m going back to sleep.”

If he could smack himself across the face without looking like an absolute weirdo he would do exactly that. “Sure, probably for the better...” I don’t wanna appear an even bigger idiot than I already have.

And so so many things remain unsaid yet again. But perhaps there will come a day when he’ll admit them to her and not only to himself.

One can only hope.

@artlovingbre  @megandaisy9  @sparrow-gg

[clvmtines]

welcome aboard, clementine martinez, student #2. we are excited to set sail with you !  has anyone told you that you look like alexa demie? according to our records, you hail from florida, usa, prefer she / her pronouns, are a cis woman, and are here to study creative writing. we also see you received a spot on the ss university because of your online lottery win — we won’t tell anyone. during your first few weeks here, other students said you were + charming, + free-spirited, but also - restive. it sounds like you spend most of your time at the billiards room. upon checking your luggage, we noticed you packed a casino chip carried around for luck from home. hopefully your roommates don’t steal it!

hi friends! i’m very excited to be here. i’m jay (est, she/her) n i used to play astrid nyland a few months ago if anyone remembers bt i had to leave for personal reasons. i’m so glad to be back now that i hve life sorted and some free time for summer break <3 read on for some details abt this new muse of mine, clementine. 

01. biography !

so ! clementine was born in florida. & yes, her real name is clementine. her mom thot it was the cutest name idea ever. clementine mostly goes by clem. she comes from the town [redacted] in florida bcoz i am too lazy to look up a specific town <3 but alas ! it was swampy and humid and she lived in a trailer park. 

her parents got knocked up at nineteen. clem was born nine months after a particularly wild 1999 fourth of july. her birthday is march 26th and she’s an aries. 

(TW: addiction, child injury) clem’s dad was a gambling addict and petty criminal—he wld steal credit cards n whatnot. he wld gamble away diaper money n it would cause constant fighting until her dad finally left. her mom took this very hard n began drinking a bit too often, leaving clem to to make cereal for dinner n fend for herself. once clem tried to make hot dogs on the stove and spilled boiling water on herself. got a p bad burn on her arm/shoulder and still has a big scar.

the soundtrack of her childhood was cicadas buzzing and stray dogs barking. the sizzle and pop of natty light cans. turning up her ipod to max volume to drown out the sounds of her mother fighting with her new boyfriend.

throughout her upbringing, clem’s dad was always in and out of the picture. he’d blow into town when he hit it big. he’d take her on these little “adventures” like staying in a motel 6 n renting movies at block buster n ordering good pizza nt the dominos shit she ate with her mom lol. ofc he was charging it all to someone’s stolen credit card. he’d always promise to, like, take clem away. n clem was a daddy’s girl so she believed him. the last time it happened was her h.s. graduation. her mom didn’t show ( "overslept” after a bender ) but her dad did and surprised her n said everything wld be different. bt then he bailed on their plans for the next day n when she called his cell, the number was disconnected. tht was the defining “i’m done” moment. clem promised to never be disappointed by her father again.

(TW: racism) her mother has mexican ancestry and clem’s always been called her twin. but clem was raised in a predominately white area and honestly ?? it was really hard without her even realizing it. she’s still unpacking a lot of things today abt her youth that jst weren’t okay bt she thought were normal. like microaggressions, stereotypes, being fetishized by boys in high school. gross shit.

as a kid, clem was rumored to be really poor bc she wore tattered clothes n got free lunch at school. once she invited a friend to her house & the next day they told everyone it’s in a trailer park. that reputation—the “trailer park girl”—was really hard to shake. and clem got almost desperate to shake it. she was endlessly trying to set her old self on fire and emerge from the ashes like a phoenix.

eventually clem became more “popular”. in school she was, like, a straight b student. very average although super creative and quick-thinking. she always had street smarts. problem solving skills. independence. more of, like, practical intelligence as opposed to book smarts because academia bores her tbh. she was like why am i reading these overrated boring books by dead white men or learning abt polynomials when i know nothing abt how to pay a mortage or do taxes. like...she saw the american education system as bullshit and put in modest effort because she didn’t believe it deserved her sweat and tears. 

however, she entered the online lottery for the seas program on a whim and got in. so she’s studying creative writing now.

02. personality !

first thing you shld know abt clem is that she’s a compulsive liar essentially—she tells various stories to make her life seem better than what it was. to one person, she’s an heiress to a real estate company and grew up wealthy. to the next she was raised by nomadic hippies. some of her lies are small fibs while others are grandiose tales. she rarely talks about her actual upbringing. she hates talking abt her family or the v real trauma of growing up in a household where both parents struggled w/ addiction; the uncertainty, the broken promises, the fact that she had to grow up so soon and deal w/ so much. it wasn’t fair, and if she thinks about it too much, she feels this anger. anger at the universe. anger at her circumstances. she doesn’t know where to put this anger. she doesn’t know how to shrink it. so she avoids it.

despite her rough upbringing, though, clem is actually really sweet and kind. she’s adventurous, fun-loving, free-spirited, and bold. 

bt ! she can also be closed-off, competitive and restive. 

she’s seemingly tight with everyone? like she’s jst that girl who can get along with anyone tbh. 

in her spare time you can catch her tanning by the pool, hanging at the bar, playing pool ( which she learned from her dad ), and socializing. she’ll never say no to hanging out with people. 

she learned a lot from her little “adventures” with her dad, who was very good at conning others and often involved her in his dumb little scams. clem is suuuper good at pulling the ‘im baby 🥺’ card to get what she wants.

she can be a little selfish, because she grew up looking out for herself. 

stubborn and dogmatic as hell !!!

she doesn’t do too many relationships but when she does fall, i imagine she falls hard and fast. she refuses to be made a fool of, tho. when she gets vulnerable she flashes back to being a kid, waiting all day for her dad to show up only to have him bail on her. again. she hates that feeling. so if she, like, senses a shift in someone’s energy she’ll b like, “i’ll break up with u before u can do it to me” and the person wasn’t even tryna dump her lmao.

has a lot of sex. too much ?? sex?? mayb. but she’s v sex positive.

her personal style is v late 90s. hair clips, big scrunchies, neon, fur trim, crop and tube tops, hoop earrings, chokers, patterns, platform shoes, biodegradable glitter cuz it’s good fr the earth *winks*. clothes from o-mighty.......actually jst google o mighty, pull up the images and That is clem. she dresses like a bratz doll. she’s dedicated to the aesthetic.

03. headcanons !

her item brought from home is a hot pink poker chip from a casino. her dad gave it to her. he said it reminded him of her because of the color; he got it during one of his winning streaks and said it was lucky. she has a complicated relationship w/ her dad n doesn’t even speak to him anymore, bt she will never go anywhere without it.

she’s a smol bean—only 5′4

an astrology girl and she reads palms ! she absolutely makes astrology tik toks that people only watch because she’s hot. her flirting technique is to ask you to read your palm.

she doesn’t typically drink to get drunk. but she does love a good sugary cocktail. to her, a drink is like an accessory. a blue fishbowl by the pool, a jack and coke as she stands around a bar. usually she'll nurse the same beverage for a while. if you see her wasted it usually means she’s going thru it emotionally lol. the one thing she does do is drugs tho 

pretty much listens to exclusively female artists.

a bit of an activist. environmentalism, feminism and the like, she’s v outspoken. vegan for ethical reasons (TW: drugs) bt still does cocaine. she wears shirts with ‘my pussy my choice’ bedazzled on the front.

loves to rollerblade ! back home she didn’t have a car so she’d bike or rollerblade. now she still has her blades and she’ll use them when the ship docks. 

03. wanted connections !

Friends, bffs, ride or dies, friends who are like siblings to her, maybe a friend with an unrequited crush on either side ??

an ex she dumped/cheated on/otherwise self sabotaged their relationship because she was afraid of vulnerability.

an ex friend who realized she lies a lot abt herself n felt betrayed. OH ! ESP if they opened up to her on many occasions abt intimate, personal stuff. imagine the betrayal they felt when they found that everything they thought they knew abt clem is a lie.

someone who she actually opens up to. a confidant. or, maybe, like, a stranger she drunkenly spilled her soul to and now she avoids them like the plague.

a rival. clem can be competitive.

her drug dealer 

someone she knows she shouldn’t hook up with and… does it anyways. like a friend’s ex or smthing. spicy <3

i welcome anything !

[talesofwight]

Looking for RP Connections!

Rufus Wightman

The Basics ––––

Age: 30 (Approximately)

Birthday: 16th Sun of the 4th Umbral Moon

Race: Hyur - Midlander

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Heterosexual

Alignment: Chaotic Good

Marital Status: Presently in a relationship with @voidtranced

OOC:

Timezone: GMT/BST

Server: Balmung

Physical Appearance ––––

Hair: Silver, but frequently dyed dark brown, his natural hair colour.

Eyes: Pale blue/grey.

Height: Roughly 6' 0″. About 182cm.

Build: Strong, muscular.

Distinguishing Features: 

Thick, groomed, and well-maintained beard. Soft to the touch and a delight scent to the nose.

Face and body marred with numerous scars of varying types, be they bladed weapons, magicks, or bite and claw wounds.

Left arm replaced with a black metal prosthetic, which seems to move just about as well as a real one. On occasion, flickers of crimson energy flow over the metal.

An ethereal voice sometimes emanates from everywhere and nowhere within Rufus’s vicinity. It bears his own tone and timbre, though notably slightly distorted. Despite this, Rufus’s lips do not visibly move when the voice rings out.

Commonly Held Items:

A rough, tarnished necklace hangs over his heart. The necklace bears a medallion upon it which resembles the profile appearance of a wolf howling at the sky.

Various pouches attached to his belt.

A sheathed dagger carved from a dragon’s tooth.

A waterskin filled with mint lassi.

Personal ––––

Profession: Dark Knight | Mercenary | Voidsent Hunter | Ex-Gladiator

Likes:

Fighting

Exercising

Cooking

Fishing

Chocobos

Reading

Dislikes:

Inaction

Greed

Slavers

Abuse of Authority

Alcohol (And Drunk People)

Languages:

Eozean

Residence:

Mist, La Noscea (Company House)

The Goblet, Thanalan (Apartment)

Birthplace: Ul’dah

Religious Beliefs: The Twelve

Patron Deity: Halone

Fears:

Losing his sense of self.

Being unable to help those for whom he cares.

Loneliness and abandonment.

Weakness and infirmity.

Relationships ––––

Spouse: —

Children: —

Parents:

Drystan Mercer - Father (Deceased): A descendant of Ala Mhigan blood, Drystan earned fame in the coliseum of Ul’dah as a skilled combatant. As the years went on, he became something of a local legend, until the day he mysteriously retired. The common belief was that it was due to injury, though none could remember him sustaining such a grievous wound. Many darker rumors circled after his sudden disappearance from the public eye, along with his newborn son.

Selene Mercer - Mother (Deceased): A stout and skilled warrior, Selene too earned here popularity on the Bloodsands. The wolf-shaped mask she bore into combat for the audience earned her the moniker ‘The Iron Wolf’. It was in the coliseum that she first encountered her to-be spouse, Drystan, as she thoroughly trounced him in their first battle. It was of great tragedy to hear that she passed in giving birth to her first child.

Siblings:  —

Other Family: 

Name Unknown - Uncle? (Deceased): Some years past, a man approached Rufus claiming to be his uncle, the brother of Selene. Before being able to confirm this as true or not, the man was assassinated before Rufus’s eyes.

Pets:

Kisaki: The adopted fox kit of his current partner, Hime. Whilst she is busying herself with other tasks, Rufus takes care of the adorable ball of tail fluff, doting upon her like his own child.

Pubert: A sentient brick with feet, wings, and a tail. Given to him as a prize some years prior in an All Saint’s Wake costume contest. Owing to the fact it is a brick, it does not need feeding and as such is so low-impact of a pet that Rufus is content to let it wobble around his home forever.

Winston: A fish Rufus bought once on a whim. He keeps him in an aquarium in his room.

August: The name of Rufus’s personal chocobo, whom he raised as a chick upon receiving him as a present for Starlight some years past.

Zeid: A rare black coeurl kitten whom Rufus once rescued from animal traders, who’s mother had been killed. Once Zeid started to grow to be too big to take care of, he was released back into the wild.

Traits ––––

* Bold your character’s answer.

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted

Disorganized / In Between / Organized

Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded

Calm / In Between / Anxious

Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable

Cautious / In Between / Reckless

Patient / In Between /  Impatient

Outspoken / In Between / Reserved

Leader / In Between / Follower

Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic

Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic

Traditional / In Between / Modern

Hard-working / In Between / Lazy

Cultured / In Between / Uncultured

Loyal / In Between / Disloyal

Faithful / In Between / Unfaithful

Additional information ––––

Smoking Habit: Never. Drugs: Never. Alcohol: Only in very specific, very emotionally taxing times.

RP Hooks ––––

Mysterious Wanderer: Rufus is no stranger to treading the paths and wilderness of Eorzea and beyond. Perhaps a chance meeting outwith the walls of society leads to a sudden and daring adventure? Need some bandits wiped out? Sure. Beasts of the wild hunting you down and need some aid? Absolutely. Hungry? He’ll cook something up right quick!

Son of the Coliseum: An ex-gladiator himself, as well and stock of gladiatorial progenitors, it is not unusual at all to find himself challenged to gladiatorial combat by those with a leaning towards it, or have lived long enough to see his parents fighting. Always keen to test himself and keep his skills sharp, Rufus is wont to accept most all challenges, so long as all parties accept the risk of injury. 

The Dark Path: Perchance you have heard rumours of a man wielding a huge greatsword and strange, sinister arts. It could be you feel a kinship with such skills and seek him out to further your own training or simply to test him. For Ishgardian seekers, you may seek to bring this heretical fiend to justice for his use of the dark arts.

The Darkside: It could be that you’ve seen the man talking to himself, or in particular, the metal prosthetic left arm he bears. And if you really strained your ears, you might even hear the sound of his own voice speaking back to him.

Voidsent? Oh my!: If you have a problem with a spectre haunting your home, or it feels like something not of this realm is haunting your every step, why not seek him out at his place of employ - Metaphysick - and request aid to dispatch the otherworldly fiend before it can do any more harm!

Villains Beware: Are you perhaps on the less-reputable side of the law? Prone to committing criminal mischief? Pick the wrong pocket, or murder an innocent, and eventually someone might come to hunt you down. Someone garbed in full armour, ready to bring his terrible greatsword to bear upon your crimes.

Contact Information  ––––

Discord: Rufus#1580

IC Tumblr: @talesofwight

Please, feel free to hit me up on Discord even if you don’t necessarily want to RP right away. It’s always neat to have more people to talk to. If you do want to make some plans and plots and whatever else? All the better! I’ll do my best to respond. Just be aware that I’m a full time University student in my second year, so there will be sometimes I need to devote study and such over vidya games. I always bounce back though! Also just be aware, I am living in the UK, so I’m on EU Timezones, which I know, it can make things a bit awkward atimes, but not  impossible to plan around.

I do generally prefer to RP in-game, rather than through Discord. That’s not to say I hate RPing on Discord by any means. If you’re on another server for example then obviously in-game RP is off the table. Just consult me with whichever you’d prefer and I’ll go along with it, honestly! As for RP themes, I’m open to pretty much all of them, with the exception of ERP, due to the fact Rufus is in a monogamous relationship. Other than that? Dark themes, blood, violence and such? Sign my ass up!

I-it’s not like I’m eagerly awaiting your response or anything... b-baka...

[tumblunni]

Random game idea that came to mind: clockwork man simulator

I dunno, i just got the general image in my head of a soft homey aesthetic equivelant of that terrible game about the androids. Itd be more like just a life-living game, like stuff like animal crossing or harvest moon. Just fully exploring the perspective of these creatures and the world that created them, rather than BOOM ACTION SETPIECES or whatever

I only have some scattered ideas for it tho, and not really any idea of a main plot or gameplay gimmick or 3 act structure or like.. Anything to take this from idea to game, lol.

SO ITS MISC IDEAS TIME

* more of an olden timey fantasy style instead of sci fi. Youre still an artificial person created to run errands for humans, but youre more of a combination of clockwork and magic. There's still an element of being made of inanimate object parts but there's also some glowy energy core or something. Possibly would be interesting if it was something unusual to use as a power source? Like i dunno, a bell or an acorn or a teacup or one of those rocks with the hole in it that sometimes wash up on beaches. Or just a glowy orb of Generically Defined Energy Substance, which flows through you like aesthetically pleasing glowy veins

* you're a service clockwork homunculus thingy, bought by a disabled person who needs help around the house. PERHAPS A SWEET OLD GRANDMA! Whatever i decide on (IT'LL PROBABLY BE THE GRANDMA), your owner is a kind person who sees you as part of the family and feels guilty using an android as they believe you are absolutely a real person and wish they could set you free. Unfortunately theyre kinda one of the people who needs androids the most, as they dont have any family who can help them. At the same time though, they are very old and quite resigned to nobody caring about them, plus theyre just a good person who'd put your life over their own. So i feel like the plot would literally start with this person trying to set you free and you are just like "i do npt understand the concept, that is not in my programming". Its become kind of a morning routine now to hear "youre free! Get out, dammit!" and have a brisk argument over breakfast that inevitably always ends with you refusing. Grandma's prpbably got so desperate they're resorting to tactics like trying to trick you into getting on the bus out of town or "if you dont leave im gonna hold my breath and i wont stop til i pass out". All inevitabley failing! So they just try and help you understand your sentience and become more independant, encouraging you to take free time every day and go around the town to enjoy yourself. Which is kinda a concept you dont understand yet, so its just like MISSION RECEIVED: WALK IN CIRCLE AROUND PERIMETER OF TOWN. And its kind of a hit and miss experience because the people in this town have never seen an android before- this magic is usually a thing for rich people and this proposed scheme of disability assistance androids is still in its test run. Some people are suspicious or hateful, but there are others who welcome you to the village and brighten up your day. Not just a world of 100% everyone assholes to make a melodramatic point delivered awfully through racist stereotypes.

* i think a good subplot with this disabled grandma would be to show her regaining her independance too. Like she starts off quite fatalistic and used to nobody caring about her, all this mobility aid stuff is new and she feels like its too complicated and she'll never get it, or its too expensive and she doesnt deserve it, or all the nonsense that ableist society drills into people. But with the support of her new friend and access to more tools to help take her life into her own hands, she starts regaining hope again! Like ironically she felt like her previous carers were all the kinds of awful things people expect these androids to be. Robotic, emotionless monsters who dont care about the person's feelings and comfort, and certainly not independance. She suffered from a lot of the same nightmares that androids do too: being forced into a rigid schedule, limited in her options, deprived of basic rights, being told how she's supposed to feel, etc. But to an android that all seems like an inefficient way to do things! My function is healing and human healing efficiency is decreased in this circumstance! I am incapable of ignoring data due to personal bias! Basically imagine MAGIC BAYMAX ok. Anyway this plot would progress with grandma regaining her smile and eventually itd be a super happy day when she's able to get her new wheelchair that she can wheel to the shops on her own without needing someone to push her. Itd be really sweet from the player's perspective to get used to saying goodbye to her every morning and then suddenly you see her wandering around the shops with everyone else and she can become a part of the vibrant town too. Im thinking give her more complex AI than all the other villagers even, like give her a more complicated set of actions and move routes and stuff like SHE IS EVERYWHERE and she is LOVING IT! Life is back where it belongs: in the hands of the person living it! And it also intensifies the message of android slavery not being necessary or moral or good. Like i mean here this lady benefitted from getting an android but literally all she needed was a friend, a healthcare professional who gave a shit, and affordable access to mobility aids. Humans could have done that if they werent lazy assholes! And this android deserves the right to the same uplifting independenceifying experience they helped this grandma have!!

* random idea: all the events you encounter on each daily walk are actually stored in your inventory as items. Memories of experiences, good or bad, become literally experience for you! They each affect stats in different ways because of what you learned from that moment. Maybe bad experiences give you combat abilities and good ones help with your daily life skills and development of personality? And its possible to crack or even shatter a memory, if new experiences end up clashing with it. Usually its just 'oh i learned the more advanced version of this skill through better understanding of why humans do it', but also traumatic memories damaging good ones, and good ones helping ease traumatic ones. And maybe you could solve puzzles and make friendships through using these memory items? Youre faced with a challenge and have to make the connections in your mind to figure out which past experience is relevant here. And becoming more talented at something would help narrow down the choices you get given? And being unskilled would do screwy stuff with the interface like putting the correct option far away near the bottom or mixing up the names and icons of each memory. (Dunno how i'd program that though!)

* Maybe character customization similar to Medabots? The games were so cool and ahead of their time, you get to collect hundreds of different robot base frames and then mix and match the parts to make your own cool aesthetic! Shame it was only used for fighting though, that could be cool in a more social game too! Like go out wearing different fashions to help befriend different people, but its more fun cos its ROBOT FASHIONS! 'hey grandma do u think fred will like this arm or this arm?' She fusses over you all excitedly cos you showing an interest in fashion is a good sign of developing free will! Though you still get stuck in logic loops of 'you should wear what you like best, honey' 'HUMAN OPINION IS OF HIGHER PRIORITY' ...god i think i just made this character so i can ramble Relateable Social Anxiety Moments BUT ROBOTS

* possible ideas for Memory Events you can find around town! Meeting a cute neighbour cat- a fascinating creature you were not programmed to deal with, as you're a hospital android who isnt even meant to leave one single room for your whole life. You get absolutely entranced by the confusing small carpet with legs, and spend all morning interrogating it on why it wishes to rub its face on you. Why is your motor overheating, tiny carpet? Human master, how do you troubleshoot this noise?

* Another idea! You get 'mission: count the steps on the stairs to town' popping out of nowhere, and at first you ignore it because this is an illogical directive that does not come from a human. But it keeps happening every time you go here!! You try finding new ways to get to town crossing through fields or forests or walking directly into the path of a horsedrawn carriage, but ALAS it seems the only efficient path is those curious curious steps! Only then do you finally realise the mystery command is coming from yourself! You're not used to this strange concept of just..wanting to do something, all by yourself. You talk to your human and she says that's 'natural curiosity', 'personality', 'free will'...things that seem impossible to understand. You ask her to take you back to the shop to get this fault fixed, but she says its good and you should try acting on it. But it'll serve no purpose!! BUT AAARGH I HAVE TO KEEP SEEING THOSE STEPS EVERYDAY!! Eventually you do count them and you find it makes you satisfied for no logical reason. And that was the end of that small crisis, but you'll forever be confused by the whole thing! The next week you're like "what if i organized all the blue things with the blue things" and youre intensely frustrated at yourself. Human grandma says this is a "taste for fashion" but you remind her that you do not have a tongue. (And then she gets you the robo parts catalog and you unlock customization. Yay!)

* Possible idea for a sad subplot! A new human visits the village and he seems very strange, sometimes seeming kind and other times being angry and standoffish. You think its a simple 'jerk with a heart of gold' story but the truth is a lot stranger! It turns out this stranger is actually an important bishop in disguise, and he has multiple androids acting as body doubles to protect him while he's on the road. Theyre supposed to just be empty husks who only know how to imitate, but they clearly have their own personalities! You're tasked with finding all these runaway androids and returning them to their master for a reward, leading to a goofy lil game of hide and seek with twelve of the same guy. But it starts to get a bit sad because they're all convinced theyre the real one, and whenever they stumble into holes in their memory they freak out. When they all see each other gathered together its an absolute despair explosion and theyre forced to face the truth. And you can help them bond together as brothers and develop their own individual identities, even helping them pick out their own new faces from your set of fashion roboparts. Sadly you cant keep them here for long because itd obviously be suspicious to have exactly twelve new people move into the town right when twelve bots went missing. So you get help from one of grandma's friends to send them off in a stagecoach to another town where they can find employment and start their own life disguised as humans. The asshole bishop obviously doesnt react well to his androids vanishing into the night, but he never thinks of blaming you because after all you're only an android and you could never choose to help others out of all that free will you dont have. He just berates you for being so incompetant as to fail his quest to find them, and you get your reward taken back. Oh no~ i am~ very ashamed~ i will go tell my human that my ocular circuits require recalibrating~ (internally: HAHA YEH FUCK U OLD MAN) Grandma is super proud of you!

And thats all i got so far

[gummy-hyena]

WHAT IS ITT

AVERT YOUR EYES CHILDREN FOR I AM ABOUT TO SPEAK OF AN UNSPEAKABLE HORROR

K SO last night I was perusing through shitty fanfic, as I usually do when im unbearably unhealthy and not sleeping at five A.M.

So, I’m looking through the titles of these fic, seeing what fandoms there were, (side note that is completely unrelated to the story: there was a lot of supernatural smut it was weird), when aLL OF A SUDDEN

I LOOK IN THE FANDOM THING AND I FUCKING SEE

I

FUCKING

SEE

WITH MY OWN TWO EYES

“Lazy town”

And I was like “holy shit what who wrote lazy town fanfiction”

So I look into it

aND IT WAS FUCKING

SPORTACUS X READER SMUT

AND I ALMOST THREW MY PHONE ACROSS THE ROOM

sO, me being the self-destructive piece of shit that I am, I decided to read this. see what the fuck goes on in it.

I went into it not knowing what to expect. Some part of me was hoping that all of this was a joke, that the author was just some troll and that no one was actually attracted that sexually by the blue probably italian man himself

sportacus

also in case you don’t know who the fuck sportacus is, here’s a pic of him:

anyways continuing

some other part of me was telling myself that this was all a dream. That it was all fake, and I would wake up soon, having yet another weird dream story to tell to my friends, one even weirder than that Dad Jack Black dream (Perhaps I’ll tell that story later).

So I open up the story, briefly glancing over the tags (one of them was “in heat mating” or something and I almost threw up)

and what I found inside was....

horrifying

This wasn’t a troll, nor was this some kid who has no knowledge of grammar and plot connection.

this was the real deal.

There was GOOD GRAMMAR, GREAT grammar, even.

There were no plot holes (considering the fact that there wasn’t really much of a plot to begin with, it was just.... porn)

and so I keep on going, and eventually, it got to

the stuff. 

at this point I was covering my mouth with my hand, my eyes wide, sweating. I couldn’t believe my eyes. This was an actual real thing.

And I was reading it with my own two eyes

Eventually I started to desperately want to turn away, I couldn’t go any further, but the sheer unreality of it all, and also satan deciding “fuck this bitch”, kept me from saving myself, or at least what I could save. I was already too far gone.

I didn’t finish it, I didn’t even get past the undressing portion. I had finally snapped out of whatever curse-induced hell-coma I was in, and I closed the page on my phone and turned my phone off.

I tossed and turned for a while, I was shook. I eventually fell asleep, and when I woke up I thought, hope swelling up within my pathetic husk of a soul, that maybe it was a dream.

But, alas, truth is a fucking bitch and I realized it wasn’t a dream and I fucking cried and I can’t get over it who the fuck

[kalimarsdreamlog]

Dream 66: I am the World’s Punching Bag (and a Liepard)

Here’s another old one. It used to be my longest, but the Two Part Special dwarfs it in comparison, so…anyway, this one jumps around a bit and was a little hard to make sense of, but it was pretty awesome too! Or at least I thought so at the time. It’s a bit overdramatic.

Copy/pasted from my notes as usual, just cleaned up a bit.

Camping is where it all started. I could transform into a liepard. It was awesome. But before that happened I was just on my trip. The first thing we did was go to this amusement park. Everyone had a ticket that could get us in at any time, but only a certain number of times. I don’t know if ours worked once or twice. Anyway, in order to get in you had to climb these tree branches that practically made a 6-foot-high briar patch that went up to the scanner people.

Probably thanks to being able to turn into a liepard, I could jump super high. Instead of having to climb the branches like everyone else (I don’t know how grandpa did it!) I just jumped up, scanned my ticket, and was in the park. Actually thanks to my jumping abilities I probably could have just jumped over the fence. It was uneven enough I could easily find a low part. Oh well. I had fun with Savanna for a while.

-

Then the scene changed. I don’t know how or why, but I was back home in my room at my mom’s, albeit a very plain version. (With space under my bed, no shelves, and no clutter.) I had an entirely different backstory with a new cast of characters, so I guess the dream shifted. I was friends with fairies. Fairies of every color came to visit me in my room all the time, and they were normally invisible to the human eye. I don’t know why I could see them. Maybe because I was like a giant fairy myself? Unless I was just imagining things.

The door started to open. It was Umbridge! She’s famous for her disdain for magical creatures, and fairies were no different. I was on my bed at the time. The little black fairy hid between the bed and the wall, like where i stash things, and the little red fairy hid Under the bed. I didn’t want to reveal their positions with my size by hiding there too, so when I realized Umbridge couldn’t see me either, I flew up near the ceiling away from the bed, presumably out of reach. But alas, it was not so. The bells and chain mail on my outfit (for all fairies had that) jingled and chink’d as I flew up there, and by following the sound she found me. Oh well, it was better me than my fairies. She poured what I thought was a revealing potion to make me visible, but now I’m thinking it was more like a paralysis potion, to keep me from moving. Her next potion was a size-changing potion. Had I been tiny-fairy-sized, it would have made me human sized. Instead, it became a shrinking potion that made me tiny-fairy-sized. At three-and-a-half inches tall, it was much easier to evade her.

With nowhere else to go, I flew to the fairy kingdom. I went to a fairy banquet while I was there. Some things didn’t always shrink right. I was lucky my glasses were still the right prescription. They were so small that the lenses were held in place by two or three little pegs each, instead of wire rims. Of course the pegs were connected to the ear-pieces. I noticed another fairy with only one lense glowering at me, so I tried to offer some form of apology. Unfortunately, my brain doesn’t communicate well in dreams for some reason, so I ended up saying something like, “Sorry. I guess only half a dozen lenses ever make it through shrinking,” guessing he was shrunk too. Glasses were delicate things to shrink and it didn’t always work out.

-

the dream shifted again. Not quite what it was before yet (I mean what happened to the camping trip?) But close enough that the timeline or whatever eventually merges back up. My dad showed up and took me to this water park that was the coolest combination of slides and lazy river. All you had to do was enjoy the ride! We had to go home before we reached the end of it though, so while my dad found a way out (by walking on the side or something) I had to climb through the journeying thing the wrong way. Got lost on the way back. (and I was so close too!)

I ended up at these tubes, like at a mcdonalds playground except better. As in bigger around, longer, and not smelly. There were miles and miles of tubes. I explored on my own, still with my swimsuit and intertube from the slides, when I noticed the ladies manning the slides and tunnels kept calling me “sir.” They thought I was a boy! I’m fine with being called sir but that was pretty funny.

I ditched the intertube and found a long tunnel I was alone in, and transformed back into a liepard. Suddenly, I could run in the tunnels! Running like people normally draw (horse) obviously didn’t work. With the wrong body shape it was too slow. It was hard to run like a cat because it felt clumsy and unnatural, but I eventually got the hang of it.

Soon enough I ran into a group of kids and teens that were going on a path through the tunnels that would lead back to the campsite. Returning to human form,I caught up with them and merged with the group enough that they knew my name and never knew I wasn’t part of the group in the first place. Sadly, one of the girls there was afraid of people who could transform, so I did my best to refrain from it. But it was hard to do since it was so much a part of me. Then one of the slides we were supposed go down (and did) was basically broken and run down, and we couldn’t use it. So we had to go back.

From then I noticed this weird guy tailing us. He was going at quite a clip to catch up, and I didn’t think he had the best intentions. I was the last to catch up with the group and had to run liepard style to keep up. (While still a human, mind you) it was annoying though to see the others crawling ahead of us. The guy was going to catch up at that rate! (Haha I just remembered at that point I actually turned around and hissed at him! XD) We got far enough away though that we found an exit. It was a pole you were supposed to slide down. The lady working it got some kid to go down and I heard him reach the ground a few seconds later. (We were basically on a second or third floor) I went next, transforming as I went to cushion the fall. I landed lightly on my paws and scampered of. I then realized my mistake because that girl went behind me. Woops. I transformed back into a human and hoped she didn’t notice, then ran off to find the campsite.

But then the guy following us in the tunnels found me. He put me in this cage thing inside the roots of a tree with like a safe door held in place with sharp sticks. After he left I waited for something to help. Sharp sticks aren’t extremely intimidating, but I couldn’t reach them to get them out of the way. I hoped I could escape before the end of the trip, otherwise I had no way home. Then this little white german-shepherd type dog came along, and in his excitement to see me he knocked the sticks out of the way. I opened the door (probably broke it down, can’t remember because people keep interrupting me while I’m trying to write) and realized I knew where I was! I had a leash and my rollerblades stashed nearby! I grabbed them and put the leash on the dog, and had him run on the sidewalks to camp. We practically flew back to the camper. When we got back I greeted everyone and told my story and they were happy to see me, when the dog started…purring? That sort of weirded me out. I stopped hugging him, (that little guy was my savior) let Savanna take a look, (she’s a vet) and went back into the camper for a good night’s rest.

It was the last day of the trip, and we went to a Ren fair. I ran into the girl from the playground tunnels, the one that was afraid of transforming people. I was with secret agents or something. The girl’s family were bad guys who hated anything that could transform. I don’t know who attacked first, but suddenly her parents and the agent or two with me were down, leaving me and her with her dual blades. They were like curved daggers. She had already killed with them. I did my best to talk her down, but got too close. She reached her knives around me to my back, and pressed down till I bled. Noting our position, took the opportunity to give her a hug and told her she didn’t have to kill anymore. She froze, but after some hesitation I heard (and felt, thank you) the knives drop to the ground. That danger over, I transformed into my liepard form and purred and rubbed my face on her until she started petting me and she realized that maybe people who could transform weren’t so bad after all.

I found friends at the ren fair, but mostly hung out with Savanna. She went off on some ride I refused to ride. While she was busy I ran into Black. (as in the pokemon character)

We met a guy advertising free plane rides. It seemed like a good idea at the time, so Black and I decided to try it. In the dream I had piloting experience, so I got to fly the plane myself. We ended up getting a bad plane. (Tip of the left wing was torn off. It wasn’t as bad as other planes I had apparently flown) I flew for a minute until the guide decided to “show us something cool.” He took the controls and flew us through a forest. I thought that was the cool thing he was talking about, since dodging trees was foolhardy enough, but then he flew under the roots of a tree. He scraped the long wing against something and lost control of the plane. Despite his best efforts, we crashed. From third person, all you could see of the plane was a huge explosion. When the smoke cleared, the guy worriedly (it WAS his fault) asked, “Is anyone hurt?” (All that were in view were Black and the guide) The guide was fine. Black was fine. But a heavy, “Yeah,” was heard from off-screen. (Cue dramatic Comic form, with long horizontal panels and the only colors being black, white…and red.) They looked back to see me with blood all over the left side of my chest and right arm. Apparently the deep wound on my chest was from the shrapnel. Black sort of panicked and did everything he could to stop the bleeding. (He was SO crushing on me) I don’t know what the guide did. Get bandages from the plane? Whatever the case, the guy drove us back and revealed that he had ulterior motives for letting us fly. He wanted to win some kind of contest or race, but he needed a team to do it with. With a pretty co-pilot like me, (that is not me being conceited that is exactly what he said) he was sure to win. So confident was he of his abilities, he even let me fly for a minute or two. Taking the plane through the forest for a couple tricks should’ve made up for it if I flew badly. Even with our rickety plane, he was sure we could still cross the finish line first. Obviously, that failed.

He dropped me off somewhere in the fair so I could get help while Black either stayed with him to make sure he didn’t “try anything funny,” like running away, or ran off much faster than I could to find help more quickly. I saw Savanna and walked over, raising my arms as if in presentation. I was covered with bandages to the point my right arm and chest were positively FLUFFY. My back where the knife-slices were was bandaged too. She asked, “What’s up?” Like she didn’t notice anything. Which I was a little indignant over, but now wasn’t the time.

“Do you know where the nearest hospital is?”

“Why?” (Come on Savanna you don’t ask why when it comes to hospitals!)

“Plane crash. Apparently I’m losing blood pretty quickly.” Actually, I was afraid of becoming lightheaded and passing out from moving too quickly, and was taking care to move as smoothly as possible. Her eyes widened.

“Oh. Okay. Let’s go.” She took me over to a tavernish place because we were at a ren fair and didn’t know where the hospital was. We found this lady who looked like she knew what was going on. My step-dad woke me up before I could actually get help though. He had a bad habit of doing that.

-

Table of Contents

FAQ

[heroes-hq-blog1]

BOOKIE IS OFFICIALLY READY TO JOIN THE ACADEMY!

› SONG HOSEOK › 25 YEARS OLD › PARACHRONAL COGNITION › 8 YEARS IN THE ACADEMY

POWER

Parachronal Cognition: the ability to perceive how time plays out in parallel timelines. Wielders of this ability can view parallel timelines that have differing past/present instances, or look into countless possible future paths. Proficient users may contact their parallel selves or other individuals while viewing the parallel timelines.

STRENGTHS

Future Visions: Bookie may predict possible outcomes of events and choices of others. Soulbound: Bookie is proficient enough to communicate with other versions of himself without any extra burden on his part. Etched in Stone: Bookie has full access to his own and any other timelines’s and parallel-selves’s past events and memories.  Number’s Game: Bookie gains complete probability computation of any future possibility through various means, such as seeing percentages, variables, and choices as if they were tangible.

WEAKNESSES

Cosmic Feedback: Bookie receives pain with varying intensity that is equivalent to the amount of parallel futures that he chooses to access and perceive at one given moment.

Own’s Destiny: Bookie cannot influence other people’s choices by simply sharing those people’s parallel futures in hopes of pushing them towards that parallel path as this shuffles and changes the possible parallel futures, therefore deeming the act of sharing to adjust another’s timeline path counterproductive.

One on One: Bookie is strictly limited to conversing with one individual or parallel self at any given time while he is in the act of viewing parallel timelines.

Mirror Reflection: Bookie may only contact or communicate with individuals of other timelines if there is a personal connection to Bookie’s personal memories.

Raw Data: Bookie computes probabilities in real-time and oftentimes me slightly overwhelmed when he considers all possible options or outcomes at hand.

Sleight of Hand: Bookie is unable to inflict any changes to probability through his powers and may only affect probability through normal human means, like cheating or rigging systems.

Scatterbrained: Bookie is prone to consciousness overload due to the amount of parallel selves viewing his timeline or attempting to contact him. (Think more than one person calling a landline, and “please leave a message!”)

Disillusioned: Bookie starts to suffer from Parallel Viewing, a phenomena where he views the present of other timelines melding with his own (though the timelines are still separate entities), as he becomes more fatigued or stressed, where the intensity and severity of this vision is proportional to his total tiredness.

ORIGINS

Hoseok, the eldest son of four in the Song family, enjoyed a semblance of life in relative normalcy. With a mother and father possessing precognitive abilities, it was of little surprise that he inherited the family’s Sight. Unlike his parents however, Hoseok perceived events and gained knowledge neither through slumbering dreams nor sensory touch, but instead through sheer concentration. Visions of different breakfasts next morning turned into visions of answers to next week’s exams, which turned into visions of him experiencing his first bicycle crash that scheduled to happen next month. The boy spoke out in fear and desire of avoiding certain accidents or fatalities, in which his father forewarned him to “allow Destiny to show the paths, then choose one to follow.” Involuntary trauma pushed Hoseok to numb out random calamities, while his mother pushed him to pursue ‘scenes of optimism’ to help tide over all the collected images he deemed useless. “Nothing you see is worthless, my son. Use this newfound knowledge and choose a path that that benefits you. Even if it seems futile sometimes, know that you are the writer of your own Destiny,” she said. Repeatedly, the boy grew with these words echoing within his drums, seemingly finding not a single vision that did not contain his parents’s vision.

At first, the powers turned him playful. Guessing games eventually grabbed a hold of him, making rock-paper-scissors and hide-and-seek no more than literal child’s play. Conversely, remembering every little detail became as simple as clapping his hands. Birthdays were never forgotten, nor were favorite colors. Curious questions asked were rarely entertained again for hearing the answer would be redundant to the tiny boy. Never had it occurred to his young self that accessing his memories was no longer a mental effort, but rather a retro-cognitive one. Having library after library of previous knowledge aided in his excellence at schooling, forming him a spectacular, yet lazy student throughout the years. Life only became more intense as he gradually realized that some of his memories were not of his own volition, and yet he could vividly play out each sequence as easy as breathing. Seeking advice from his loving mother yielded explanations that he could only accept at the time: “You’re just a smart boy. Do not fuss.” Fortunately, the voices in his head would come knocking to say otherwise.

Twelve years of age, it was then where he had his first interaction with the B. Hive, a collection of other Hoseoks who pursued to perfect the next iteration of Hoseok, or at least improve him in his current prime timelines. Altogether, they represent the ‘B.’ of their timeline. Face to face with a familiar, graying man, Hoseok was introduced to the life of a B. Keeper that goes by the name ‘Brain.’ It was here, somewhere in a time between his childhood and his expiration, that brought forth the true expansiveness of his powerful abilities. “They, other Bs alike you, call me Brain, though know that I am no more knowledgeable than you, fellow B. I only desire to unlock that potential within you.” Scenery changed before his eyes, as he revisits his childhood up to a scene unrecognizable by him. “Find this building. And, these people!” Brain exhibited people with amazing abilities different from his own Dazzled by such a display, Hoseok accepted his fate as a member of the B. Hive. Days ahead went by where an adolescent Hoseok continued to practice his ability in future vision, culminating possible likely outcomes and influencing the events surrounding said outcomes in order to attain one favorable to him. To him, trying to predict the next card to come out a deck or guessing someone’s private log-ins became his recent, normal routine.

Expanding the horizons of his powers ended up with him delving in scenarios an average teenager would not be around. Ultimately, Hoseok was struck with an addiction, constantly winning prizes either in cold cash or personal information. Visions of someone’s next personal information or where they hid lucrative belongings where accessible to him. The teen always remained small-scale, blackmailing fellow peers into giving him won to keep their secrets safe with him and recovering wallets that had been previously forgotten by their careless owners. A simple five-minute sit-in would open up a couple handfuls of past outcomes or possible futures of the setting he would be at, and though Hoseok might not always return with a haul, the few times he turned out to be successful made it all worth it to pursue. As his gains increased, so did his greed.

Dipping into this treasure trove charmed him. Hoseok started participating in local bets, especially on sports. Abusing his power to predict with better odds allowed him to push hard onto underdog teams or unlikely scenarios that were destined to likely happen. The list became endless: guessing what round a boxing match would end; determining whether a player would hit their triple-double; or even calling exactly when a goal would be scored. His focus enhanced the more he divulged, doubling his small allowance and strengthening his precognition in a single afternoon. People actively evaded his pools of choice as his infamy rose. Things worsened so quickly that rather than trying to play the House and others, Hoseok began hosting his own sessions with his peers and upperclassmen. Along with aligning to the path he wanted, the teen took on the local nickname ‘Bookie’ to better stand out among the B. Hive and his friends, seeing that his specialty suited such a reclassification.

Midway through his secondary education, Bookie experienced more and more disasters through his vision. Nearly all of the events were avoided by him, until one Friday evening. Heading to his usual hangout downtown proved to be a pain, as an image of a vehicle crashing through a large window kept reappearing. Unable to ignore these invasions of the mind, the man concentrated on the specific time and place. Locating the setting, his eyes flipped through the picture book, only to realize that although minor details change: shirt colors; the people sitting; or the paper posts, a woman in blue would always suffer the same fate of being the first to collide with the automobile. To him, this type of scenario was unexplainable and incomprehensible because some timelines always had some type of intervention that resulted in a different branch of significant time, then it had hit him. Abruptly, his feet started up a sprint to the next block over, with him spotting the lady. Like a madman, Hoseok screamed to get down and dove to yank the girl out of the way. His head shot back up before he braced his ears for the impact, yet nothing occurred. Angry, the woman got back to her feet to scoff and scold him. A finger flies in the air to point at him in scolding fury but alas, the vehicle finally hits its mark right on time. Shards flew everywhere, with Hoseok barely managing by with only a few scrapes. Now, a horrific scene lay before him.

Disdained as a couple of weeks pass by, Bookie laid low, unwilling to manipulate his parachronocognition due to the incident. His mind became distracted, replaying the scene over and over in the confines of his head, only broken by the greetings of a gleaming stranger. “You’re that kid, right? The one that ran in the shop. Ten days ago, was it?” Frustration built up within as he halfheartedly returned an answer before confusion had set in. “Yes, I was there, too. Oh, where are my manners?” Out extended a hand towards him, Hoseok accepting the shake before conversing. “A scout for the Avenger’s Academy. Yes, the very one! And, we would love to have more heroes like you.” Spreading the news of his invitation to his parents set even more confusion into his heart and soul, with both his mother and father saying that they foresaw him bringing home such news. Yet, to him, this future was blurry and unavailable.

Happily, the years went by at the academy without many stops. Bookie was a studious person not by choice, after all. Besides his regular, mandatory classes in mathematics and literature, he dedicated most of his extra time researching quantum physics and space, seeing that they might have applications to him. Other than a single day in a meditation class and brain exploration, the man would spend eternities in the recesses of his mind, communing with fellow Hoseoks of other universes. In turn, he socially suffered and spent more time literally with himselves, until finding an odd bunch of other fellow ‘outcasts’ with extraordinary powers of their own. Quickly, he adapted to provide the logistics and maneuvers to this group. Additionally, his habits have yet to dissipate as he still ‘collects’ information on others and recovers lost items here or there. Unsavory conduct such as gambling have been set mostly aside for him due to the many restrictions in place, but he has gotten away with a few harmless bets. Overall, Bookie finds that there is a future for him here in more than just learning and perhaps use his unique knowledge to help the Academy in the future.

[albinohare]

BVI Bliss

The author’s chartered Aquila 44 approaches Sandy Spit, a sandbar just off Jost Van Dyke. (Zach Stovall/)

I have showered open-airon the stern at daybreak. I have seen gleaming white yachts in sizes ranging from humble to mega; some with sails, some without, and some on which sails could be put, but the owner couldn’t be bothered to do so. I have seen clouds alight in a Pantone guide’s worth, only to be mirrored by a metallic, ­shimmering sea.

My quartet of shipmates from Tennessee and I have taken a weeklong hiatus from our day jobs to live out the lyrics of any country song involving boats and sand here in the British Virgin Islands. On this sunny, 83-degree day—as every day ­promises to be here—our Caribs are going down cold and the radio is cranked on the flybridge of Jewel Box, a brawny, three-stateroom Aquila 44 powercat from MarineMax Vacations.

She’s pointed toward Virgin Gorda while on our circuitous route through green hills that rise forth from turquoise waters.

From Left: The 3-foot-3-inch draft (top) helps in skinny water and the is 44 easy for a couple to handle (bottom). The Baths are a BVI must-do. (Zach Stovall/)

At the helm sits Parker, a distinguished man who would not look out of place with epaulets on his shirt. His wife, Karen, is our resident snorkel goddess, and he is flanked by Matt and Milka, a couple contractually obligated to blend pina coladas to perfection. I am the fifth wheel, pressed into service as first-assistant buoy wrangler.

We tie up outside Spanish Town, teeing us up to be the first at daybreak to grab a coveted mooring ball at The Baths, the country’s most recognizable natural wonder. We then celebrate our orientation aboard Jewel Box and first full day of BVI bareboating with sundowners at CocoMaya, a chic South Beach-inspired restaurant on the sand, and a must-see on any BVI cruise.

The next morning, I awake to Jewel Box‘s twin Volvo Pentas cranking all 520 horses, propelling us past the Club Med 2, a boutique cruise ship that just anchored, determined to inundate languorous beaches with acres of sun-seeking tourists. We quickly ready our snorkeling gear and dry bags, intent to swim ashore and have the granite grottoes mostly to ourselves. The boulders, rounded like giant river rocks, are piled at the edge of the sea. The experience of ­exploring their intimate passages is majestic, especially before the rest of the day’s sightseer rush begins.

Clockwise from top left: Fresh Anegada lobster. Hiking in The Baths. Snorkeling at Norman Island. Pina Coladas on the hook. Cruising off Jost Van Dyke. (Zach Stovall/)

Our next stop is Anegada, where, looking to beat the tour groups on land too, we rent a Suzuki at the Anegada Beach Club. “Drive on the left. Keep it under 30. We have wild cows, wild sheep, wild donkeys and wild people. They all roam freely,” club owner Lawrence Wheatley says.

Regarded by some as the British Virgin Islands’ sleepy stepsister, Anegada’s an outlier not only for its physical distance from the chain, but also for its flat, featureless silhouette on the horizon. The 15-mile run from our overnight spot at Leverick Bay took an hour and 40 minutes, by Parker’s count.

After navigating the ship-swallowing reef that ­encircles the island, we’re hungry for a lobster lunch, which was promised to Matt and Milka long before we set foot in the BVI. Passing more cows than cars, we land at Big Bamboo on Loblolly Bay, a 10-mile ribbon of gleaming white sand fronted by the reef where our lunch once lived. As we wait for the lobsters to grill, we occupy ourselves with chilled Caribs and swing in woven chairs hung from seagrape trees.

Alas, even in paradise, we eventually have to press onward.

The view from Norman Island overlooking The Bight in the British Virgin Islands. (Zach Stovall/)

Next is Jost Van Dyke, where Matt, Parker and I stare at the last mooring ball, which is missing part of its pennant. Matt and I call “not it” to swim to the buoy and secure the boat. We surely have ­onlookers: A flotilla is anchored stern-to the sand, with skippers as eager to enjoy White Bay Beach as we are. A string of bars known for rum punch and cornhole is just above the high-water mark. There’s Seddy’s One Love, Ivan’s Stress-Free Bar and, of course, the Soggy Dollar, where Painkillers (the cocktail, not the pills) have eased seafarers’ ails for decades.

Our time sipping Painkillers under the palms is short, but effective, as Parker notes many other charters have cut and run for Peter Island’s Great Harbour, a protected overnight anchorage minutes away. We follow suit, having a New York-style pizza on the beach, and later listening to a chorus of cocktail-inspired karaoke drift across from Foxy’s Tamarind Bar while we watch shooting stars flash over Jewel Box‘s bow.

Clockwise from top left: Cocktails at Big Bamboo Bar on Anegada. Hiking on Norman Island. Rum punch at Corsair’s Beach Bar on Jost Van Dyke. (Zach Stovall/)

Come daylight, I take the wheel from Jost to Norman Island for a snorkeling excursion. The afternoon involves welcomed laziness, followed by a hike up the spine of the island, where we admire a red sun sinking behind the rolling hills of St. John’s. The next morning we end our week at The Indians: four pinnacles of rock, like icebergs, hiding more below the surface than above. Karen leads us on our most epic snorkel yet, along a healthy reef teeming with blue tangs, sergeant majors, parrotfish and coral.

Afterward, we end our carefree week of breathe-easy British Virgin Islands cruising and cocktail-infusion ­therapy at the base back in Tortola, and we thank ­Jewel Box for giving us an up-close look at this ­seafarer’s paradise. Happily tired, sandy and ­sunburned, I think, Sometimes it’s good to be the fifth wheel.

Getting There

Connecting to the MarineMax Vacations base on Tortola’s Beef Island is easiest via puddle jumper, like those from San Juan, Puerto Rico, aboard Cape Air or Seaborne Airlines. An alternative route through St. Thomas in the U.S. Virgin Islands, with a connecting ferry to Road Town on Tortola, is less expensive, but expect long lines at Customs and Immigration.

The Fine Print

MarineMax offers several power catamarans from its BVI base for bareboat, captained or crewed charter. One option is all-inclusive (with a captain, chef/deckhand, food, snacks, drinks, spirits, kayaks, a stand-up paddleboard, mooring-ball fees, taxes and insurance). Another is a la carte with a captain and chef. Or take the boat yourself, like we did. The vessels range from a two-stateroom 36-footer to a four-stateroom 48-footer. Bareboats charters like ours start at $1,287 and go up to $1,785 per night ($429 to $595 per stateroom).

Room to Breathe

The Aquila 44 is one of five power catamarans in the builder’s line, ranging from 32 to 48 feet length overall. Our version had three staterooms and three heads, making her a good option for couples who want to share the charter without anyone feeling like he’s stuck in a kiddie cabin. The master stateroom’s berth measures 71 inches wide by 79 inches long, or about the size of a queen; guest stateroom berths are 59 inches wide by 79 inches long. The salon’s seating converts into a single berth. A smart feature is the hinged window that opens the galley to the cockpit bar, to serve guests easily inside and outside.

If this Hull Could Talk

Her hold is laden with dark rum and darker secrets of those who have stayed long after sunset. The Willy T is the floating bar of Caribbean lore, but adrift for permanent anchorage because of a government dispute after her grounding in Hurricane Irma. Temporarily in Peter Island’s Great Harbour, her stern bar still serves up stories to remember.

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[allmymisters]

It's a Matter of (Ty)me.

Photos taken from Facebook. I didn't have any of us together, we were too involved in talking and having a laugh about things.

I'm no stranger to tragedy. Anyone who knows me, knows what I've been through. You were there in a time when I was healing and you were a big band-aid in my life. The universe often connects me with those people I'm suppose to know, to learn from, to be inspired by, to admire and you just happened to be handed to me. It was one evening in 2011 at Havana 59, we stood in a circle of familiars, you and I only strangers to each other. It was a matter of time that we discovered that you were the one who filmed the benefit concert for my then husband. When I told you, I had not seen such video, you guaranteed you'd have it to me that week. You made me laugh a lot that night and you made a memorable impression. I thought it was strange that we never met, but isn't that how it goes, you meet people at different arcs of the circle. You gave me the video the next week as promised and that was the beginning of our story.

You know when you are shopping for your next car and all of sudden it is the only car you keep seeing on the road? That was you after that initial meeting. We kept running into each other. You frequented the pub more than before and we'd see each other at various events. We exchanged a lot of time and conversation back then and maybe a date or three. I remember sitting on the stool and you just looked over at me and said, "I like you." Just absolutely free and simple. You had this ability to compliment me in such a way, a very honest, but charming kind of way. You saw shadow where I saw shade. I liked the way you looked at things and I was excited by our intellectual exchanges on film, travel, music and general observances. You said things like I thought them. I liked how dry you were in your delivery, but it was always followed by a smile, said oh so sincerely. You and I, although we disagreed on some things, never broke friendship and you introduced me to people who have become a regular part of my social circle..

"I like the way you smoke. It's very French," you shouted to me randomly one evening across the bar. I had never been complimented on my smoking style, but it is something I've always paid attention to with other people. You were always good like that. You had this, spontaneity about you that was accompanied by this "what do I have to lose" look. There was a confidence about it that was attractive and fun.

You were this comfortable person in my life. One I felt very confident in releasing secrets to, while you snickered and added your own. I could call you and I knew you'd pick up. You helped me with rides, with lost jobs, and with potential suitors (best wing man ever) and with the eventual breakups (always their fault). You spoke of your family often and with fondness and was interested in mine. I always had a blast sitting around with you and Ryan, just shooting the shit. I remember meeting your father at Union Market one afternoon and it made me smile to know he was as sweet a man as you were. I know it was very hard for you to lose him. You were this kind bear in a forest of, then, mediocre friendships. 

I pride myself on being intuitive. I'm usually right to a fault. I tend to sum up people pretty quickly and I can be quite vocal about it. You were better at it. You had the ability to see texture to my surface. There were three women who I encountered during our friendship and although I had some colorful things to say about them, you just straight up told me I was wrong and then proceeded to point out these interesting traits about them. Those three women have become my friends over the years and as it turns out, smarty pants, you were right! How could I be so wrong!? That was you though, you had perception and you had vision. We spent hours talking about work and creative projects. We wanted to work with each other on so many things and we talked about it endlessly, but isn't that the thing about time?

I was not prepared for this. When you look at all those words scrolling down the screen, it's hard to decipher what is real and what has been designed for our vulnerable minds. Kitties, doggies, babies, beaches...death. Death. It comes so abruptly sometimes. You blink and then you realize that all you have is an image. A photograph of history, moments, events, words. And then you hate yourself for not calling more, for not texting a date for a hang, for not...knowing. 

As I write this, I'm still in shock. You would think that this was a common occurrence in our graduated years. The initial aloofness of yet another acquaintance "celebrated" in Facebook scripture. You were not that my friend. You were special and so much more. You were always saying I was cooler than you, but the truth is you were cool effortlessly. I would see you sometimes with worn face, tired eyes, and a relentless schedule, but you always showed up for me. You worked hard and were dedicated to what you did.  I've had such a hard time putting this story together because memorializing you, now, is just weirdly incorrect. It's like it doesn't fit here. There are no words to convey my emotional state here. I'm just so sad I will never get another hug from you, another conversation, another compliment, more tyme. 

As Sarah and I sat chatting, I felt like you were right there in the room listening to us, smiling. I could almost hear you say, "I like the two of you like this." Panning the room, getting the shot, us in and out of sorrowful moments, the way we had positioned ourselves on the couch, like girls who were having a sleepover confiding in each other, heads leaned on the cushions, listening intently. You love it. I know you do, especially because you were right about her.

You can stop smirking now. 

I will miss you so very much, Ty. The world will miss you so much. I'm so very, very sad. I really can't even fathom not seeing you again and it breaks my heart. I just keep staring at our last text. We never did meet up and I too, thought of you often. I'll always have the Roosevelt, the pub, our movie nights, Cards Against Humanity, and those old photos with those long locks. I'm even thinking about having a soda today or a gin and tonic and you know I am not a fan of those. I will miss the beautiful, kind, sincere, talented person you were. You will forever be in my heart and adored always. May you have peace where you are, may your memory shine in others, may your work be praised, and may your smile be etched in the hearts of all who knew you. You were by far one of my favorite people.

My love and light go out to Ryan and Sarah and both families. To lose someone so suddenly is a shock no one should have to experience. Alas, we do not know when these things will happen or why. They just do. Another arc in the circle. Harshly. Aggressively. Untimely. We find strength in knowing that they will not be forgotten, that time will become our comfort, and that the support of others will allow us to heal. May you all find the time to be with each other and cherish those moments, if you truly care about those in your life who mean something, take a moment and give them a call, send them a text, meet up for a coffee or a drink, don't abbreviate their existence, they deserve full sentences. You may not have next month, week, or tomorrow for that matter. We say these things all the time about getting together and always in these times, but when you think about losing people or family who matter to you, isn't it worth an hour after work, a babysitter, a 20 minute drive. Friendship is not for the lazy, it is for the living. Rest in peace, Ty. 

[themorningcatch]

After Thoughts

an essay after 10 months in a dorm

the rabbit hole

Although it is not revolutionary or even slightly unbelievable to live in a dormitory during college, it is to me. As I have made it sound every day for the past year, it has been a tough challenge for me, particularly because I get attached to places (and people) without restriction. In my second year of college in the University of Santo Tomas, I made the decision to live by myself in España, Manila where my school was located. Before I didn’t have to live in a dorm because my class schedule finished at 11 in the morning so my four hour commute to and from my house was not a big deal. However, my schedule changed to night classes and since my route home was a little dangerous during those times, my parents told me that we needed a safer alternative, ergo to live in a dorm.

We went dorm hunting around late July of 2016 and since we couldn’t afford the fancy student towers nearby, we settled on Santa Fina Ladies Dormitory. It wasn’t actually a dorm but more of a bedspacer with quaint rooms and little to no free WiFi. It became a problem to me because I was such a housebody and I didn’t know how to live decently without a kitchen or a balcony. I did however get to live peacefully enough as I established every day routines, but it came after many nights of when I would just stare at the ceiling from my bunk bed and my eyes would well up even though I wasn’t sad, or getting through the trial and error system of finding cheap places to get dinner from (or places that just served vegetables because fresh food was a rare commodity in the city. I felt like dying when I had to buy a 17 peso banana in a convenient store).

the tea party

Upon moving in, I had this picturesque experience of what it’s like to live away from home in college as I’ve seen in coming-of-age movies. I had three roommates who also went to UST, but sadly even after 10 months of breathing in the same space together, I didn’t really get to be friends with them. It drove me insane every single day because I was living with these people who I’ve only had a couple of conversations with for almost a year. It was repulsive to me that I was in such a condition. I tried to be as inviting as possible on the first weeks I moved in. I constantly tried to start a conversation that would hopefully lead to anything other than small talk but you know that feeling of when someone just doesn’t want to have a conversation with you? I got that every time. They would give me short answers that made me sound like a parrot if I kept repeating my questions. Alas, it came to the point where I became tired of myself so I just succumbed to the way they lived because they’ve been there longer than me, and who was I to change how they went through life anyway? I concluded that they just weren’t chatty people.

However, it was still ridiculous that I only found information about them when I was snooping around, cleaning their stuff. They were also really insensitive to their surroundings. Most of the time, I was the cleaning lady in our room, and curse my inherent and unbearable shyness, but I just couldn’t bring it up to them in actual conversation. I’ve had so many breakdowns in the quiet of the night where they didn’t notice, and I felt bad because roommates—anybody living together—shouldn’t be like this.

There was just that time when I went home from seeing a play and my roommate didn’t expect me to come back so when I entered the room, her stuff was on the floor, and she evaded my gaze and picked them up while sniffling. I asked if she was okay and she said that she just wanted sleep. Of course, I knew that was a lie but since I was moving out in a few days, I didn’t press on. I offered to turn the lights off and saw her turn her face to the wall while sobbing. It made me realize that we were all so alone even when we had each other. So I won’t complain about them too much from now on, even though I think I have the right, because they were just people who had their own things to deal with. They weren’t always unkind to me anyways.  

When I packed my things on my last day, all they said was “You’re done with finals?” and I said yes, and they replied, “Buti ka pa.” It’s a less sarcastic version of good for you and a more envious one. And I thought, it is good for me because this was the only place I lived in where I was constantly trying to get away from it, and now that I was leaving permanently, I can’t help but wish the same freedom and happiness to them. It is good for me.

the palace of the red queen

My daily routine in the cramped space that I lived in went like this: on the days that I wasn’t drowning in requirements where I would go early to the library and squat there for hours upon hours studying, I would spend the day in my dorm. Aside from the times that I was off somewhere shooting a film or doing an interview or making props or practicing, I preferred to wake up at 7 in the morning. I was usually the second one to wake up because my other roommate had morning classes. The others would still be asleep. I would sit on my bed and groan for a little while until I haul myself to our tiny bathroom and try to wake myself up. There was no WiFi connection so I was always on mobile data, however, the signal doesn’t reach to our room so I usually didn’t have internet unless I went outside and sat on the floor by the window or the stairs. If I was doing well, I would go back to my bed, open this tiny Japanese table and read the Bible. I would pray as earnestly as I can to make up for the times that I was too busy running than talking to God. I would read a little or write in my diary or type a story in my computer if I had some time. On a lazy day (which felt like every day), I would opt to just watch movies and TV shows to kill the hours. During my first semester, I had lots of homework so I did that until it was lunch time and my Dad would be at the lobby to bring over some packed lunch since he works nearby and we were such a frugal family. Afterwards, I would wait until it was 2 in the afternoon, then I would get dressed then leave to go to school. The walk to my building was usually 20 minutes when I wasn’t rushing so I became obsessed with podcasts. I would always be zoned out while walking because I was paying too much attention to this recorded sermon or life hack or interview. I learned an obscene amount of random things thanks to podcasts.

It wasn’t an exaggeration when I said I couldn’t breathe inside my dorm. I would watch my roommates through my peripheral vision robotically go through their day. I was the odd one in the room because I tried a variety of activities in contrast to them just studying. I bet they were actually more complex than how I thought of them, if only they spoke to me. But once I was out of that room, I felt like myself again. After classes at 7, I would walk with my friends Marie and JJ in Lover’s Lane, and then I would continue by myself to the P. Noval side. I would find some place to eat dinner. I would maybe listen to a podcast or watch a show while I eat, then wait until I can ask them to turn off the lights and go to sleep. It was toxic living there because I was constantly just begging the time to be over. Saturdays were the worst because I would be alone since my roommates would have gone home. The first time I was, I cried so hard because I realized that no one miles away was a friend or a family member who would care about me. I felt truly alone. I was always paralyzed by fear and anxiety so I didn’t write as much as I wanted to, and because there was always this looming presence of other people that I didn’t have enough space in my head to focus. It sounds like a nightmare when I think about it, but eventually I’ve accepted that was just the way the days happened. But I am so glad to not be in there anymore. There was so much of the world that I was missing out inside of that place.

the rose garden

Although my experience in living in a dorm felt so much like a clenched fist, it is where I was planted first to be supported by my own roots, and happily enough, I turn to see that I have grown in ways that I didn’t expect, which was always a good thing.

There was a time when I started watching Steven Universe because my brother Amos kept teasing me about how I was going to live alone and be an adult, and in my desperation to not sink into this swirling crisis, I grabbed onto cartoons to remind myself that I can go on my own speed. It was raining that night and I didn’t know the streets yet so I went to buy dinner at a fast food restaurant. I spent 150 pesos which was too much because we weren’t rich and we could barely scrap enough money to pay for my dorm, but I was already so tired and my socks were wet so I just let it be. I ate in silence as I marathoned the whole show. In the middle of it, I felt like an ice bucket was dumped over my head because I realized that this was how being an “adult” felt. That’s why I am so fond of Steven Universe because of its simple language of love without too many metaphors and problems that were fixed by the end of an eleven minute episodes, I found a somewhere to still be a child without compromising storytelling and character development.

I had my worst anxiety attack in my dorm around the time I started reading the Percy Jackson books. I felt like I was failing my classes because it was so hard to keep up on General Education subjects, subjects that made me feel insecure my whole life. Swallowed up by loneliness (which is a noun that have come to understand as an essential part of me) and confusion, I couldn’t stand being in my dorm any longer because I felt suffocated so I packed a small bag at 8 in the evening and ran around España to find a place to hide in, which was a bad idea if my parents found out. I brought a copy of Catcher in the Rye because maybe I could lose myself in words again like I always did when I was afraid but the city was so unforgiving that even 7/11 was crowded, so I bought myself some hot chocolate and tried to fit myself in my tiny bed. Responsibilities were nagging me but I tossed Catcher and started reading Percy Jackson instead. I managed to get so lost in it that I didn’t realize it was midnight and my roommates were already going to sleep. I finished the fourth book of the series in one lying down. After that, I prayed and swore to God that I would still try even when I can’t anymore, even if I knew I would win in the end. I bawled so hard and wrote a diary entry on my phone. It was one of my worst nights. In the morning when I thought I wouldn’t make it anymore, I clutched my aching chest and thanked God for the sunlight and for art, to which I owe so much. I could not have done it myself. Art, literature, music—all of them, so, so important, more than we realize. We should keep absorbing it because we never know when we’ll need it the most.

I once skipped Spanish class earlier this year because I was done with recitation and I had a headache. I went to the nearest Mini Stop, which became my second home, the menu being something I memorized like the back of my hand. I got myself vitamins, dinner, and tea. While walking back to my dorm, I realized that I can cope with taking care of myself when I was sick because before, it was incredibly painful. Now I’ve managed without having to beg the heavens to just kill me already because of the emotional, mental, and physical hell I was going through. My Mom said she was proud of me for doing so.

Some firsts for me were when I waded through a flood in my doll shoes, when I stayed up until 2 in the morning watching a Korean drama, when I fell on my knees after being overwhelmed by prayer, when I had a sleepover, when I went grocery shopping by myself, when I almost got locked in UST with a friend after seeing a play and all I could see in between fits of laughter was pitch black darkness, and when I bought coffee at 4 on a Sunday morning without going to Church. There was that one funny time I was deep in the recesses of my mind during a breakdown as I sat by the restricted section of my dorm’s rooftop, a lady walked in on me and she was so shocked that she couldn’t stop laughing. I apologized and then left, but I was a little better because of what she did. I don’t even know her name.

My friend Kate and I once de-stressed by going through eskinitas in Gastambide and looking for hidden eateries. We bought cheap ice cream, and I’ve always had the easiest conversations with her.  We joked about how we shouldn’t walk in streets like this so deep in the night but it was nice to pretend to be Manila girls with her and go about like I wasn’t afraid of tomorrow and the million things we had to do.

There was the time my group mates and I practiced for a speech we had to do in class. We sat in an empty makeshift rehearsal room where there were no lights and bonded even when I didn’t think that I would ever understand them because they were so different to who I was. They let me in on their thoughts and secret codes and showed me how important it is to listen to people and their stories regardless of how you’ve perceived them in the daylight for everyone to see. People are worth your time, especially when they’re in their most honest selves, when you can’t see them but you can hear them and the hum of the universe as they trust you with who they are. You just have to give them a chance.

And when my friend Abby and I sat by the fountains in UST and she told me enthusiastically how she appreciated all of her friends and I saw how she tried to understand all of us despite of who we are. She told me story upon story and laughed at my cussing. We ate Chinese food and she never made fun of my dreams when I indulged. I realized that afterwards, she stayed until 10 in the evening just to talk to me because I was always going about how I didn’t have anybody to talk to for the rest of the night. It’s in those moments when you learn to like yourself because other people do, and in turn, find yourself becoming kinder, gentler, and just better to everybody else.

the end

After all of this nonsense, trifles that only mean something to me, I remember this absolutely killer view of the España skyline at night that can be seen by walking through the UST football field. It offers no stars, just a glint of the moon behind the clouds. It is so wide and immense. It makes me remember God. The bustle of cars and restaurants underneath make me distracted but I look up again to tell myself that I shouldn’t miss this. It’s there but it isn’t always going to be mine. So the night before I moved out, I ran towards it until its entirety was all I could see. It did not take my breath away. It is nothing new. It was just the last time. But I didn’t miss it, and that’s what I got to keep.

[radicalb6]

Rolling in the sand

So many highlights in this week! In contrast to the rollercoaster week, this week was soooo chilled out. Monday started with e super working out and also on the beach!! Later on I have my interview with Green Corps and the whole day is wasted in prepping for that for it to only end up in being disconnected due to super fast internet! Later on, rather than being worried about my interview, I get ready for the camping night!! Camping night was as super as it could be. If I were to pick my most favorite nights, it would be this very night (but I would do some required additions, YOU know what I am talking about!) It starts with us setting our tents while the sun is setting on the other side of the island. All we see is the light getting dim and dimmer by the beach. The tents look too campy.. people start to dance.. and then we are called off to start a camp fire! We go collect the required things in the jungle and set the fire! It was some real real fire.. but wait.. what are we here to study? Yeah sustainability! Never mind, enjoyed it to the fullest! I did enjoy some smoores but I especially enjoyed marshmallow taffies, rather making them was much more fun.. or liking fingers at the end? Hmm.. we end up playing group games and Chris played some guitar, it was a perfect setting for my so not good poet to come alive and I ended up writing some lines under the starry sky! If that wasn’t enough, I went on a walk to the end of the beach where I am reminded of the graveyard and ha ha ha I turn 180 degree around. I take my sandals off and the walk could not have been any more beautiful! Oh, wait! It gets better and better. I lay on the white sand to stare at the clouds/stars and it is perrrrfect! I make a sand pillow and roll in the sand all I can! After a good chat with the people I liked, I am finally dragged to bed (tent). O could so have sent the whole night rolling in the sand, sleeping on my sand pillow, but we had to wake up early in the morning and try to be attentive in the lectures, so Alas! I had to. My tent mates covered our tent with a rain breaker and I hated it. Cuz my strategic positioning of my bed would not work in staring at the stars anymore! And later in the night I realize how much I hate being claustrophobic. I do get over it but the best part was when the wind helped me out and the rain cover falls down haha! Addition to the perfect night. With having sand all over, under, in and around me, I had a perfect night staring at the stars and falling asleep under them in my tent. Oh, somewhere around here I do feel that it is so hard for me to be a part of the group at times but when   I absolutely stop thinking it does happen eventually. Being in the staes for almost 4 years now, and the struggle is still real. I would fit in so well if there was hindi, hindi songs, and some bollywood. But do I really care? Aaah no! Best thing I have been realizing over and over is that I am so happy being the way I am and being with my own company! So yay me!

Next day, the interview did get connected with the great Dr. Eliza’s help. Bless bless the awesome awesome Eliza aka Dr. Shann part 2. Fast forward, I get selected for this interview and they want me to be in Boston in the next day and haha I mail them saying lol but they never replied. So watch out for the updates. Oh, I also get selected in USF and they offer me first, 6000 then 8000 scholarship for 40K program like seriously? But now I am trying to arrange funds.. I am trying, so again, watch out for more updates in the coming week. After a long and kind of frustrating but gotten in controlled frustrating days of baby missing, I get such a bad headache n fever which get healed by the #bluemind. Ok enough of that.. I take a dip in the sea, swim around and the headache is gone.. magic much? No ye.. the ocean IS amazing!

 After me strategizing to get selected for my fav project in the random selection process, I do get my fav project and I am going to work super on it starting April.. yay yay! (means GIS, so many more dives, and real excitement).

Moving fast towards two of the most amazing dives.. my Pre-Dive experience before the deep dive was not too much fun lots of eers happened but eventually, it turned out so cool and I was kind of getting scared of the height but LOL! You can’t fall in the sea!! Haha but yeah.. the overcoming was cool and again, ocean didn’t stop to amaze me yet again! The other one was a photo dive, GoPro 3 sucks, my sasta camera doesn’t work so yeah I couldn’t be super creative but as you have seen, some pics did turn out to be super super cool! P.S. I start reading a cool book called Where the wild is and now this is the third time I have lost it somewhere.. The struggle is real! :P

PS!!! I learn so many cool things about Indians here! There were about 200 Indians here who lived here for 20 years.. hit me up for more updates.. (yeah  too lazy to type it all :P )

P.S.S. super duper NHP NHP NHP NHP NHP NHP NHP!