#i will be talking about this forever btw. i don't leave my house ever.
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So. Chappell Roan.
#my friend took most of these because my five year old samsung could not cope#i will be talking about this forever btw. i don't leave my house ever.#yeah these photos are awful sorry we were being in the moment#i had SO much fun#this was a HUGE deal for me too and I'm really proud of myself#i managed to stand the whole time!#didn't faint didn't lose any limb function didn't even really dissociate that much#also. does anyone know the bassists @. asking for a friend.#i also looked really fucking hot i would like that on the record.#posting these mostly for me and also B#Chappell Roan
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someone sent me the loveliest ask about bday party matty following girly around after tour ends that i accidentally deleted because i saved to drafts and couldn't edit on mobile SO i shall discuss it here. yes, you're right, he is without question in groupie mode (well, more so than usual lol) - after some, um, morning bedroom activities, he'll hover over you and kiss your nose like "so, my sweet girl, what's on your agenda today?", and when you tell him you've got an interview or a radio appearance or a signing he's like "that sounds fun. can i tag along, darling? i'll hold your handbag for you" lol bless him. and he's determined that everything is about you; he makes it so clear to the interviewers or presenters that "i'm only here in bf mode! it's my girl's moment! please don't mention me", but he caves a little when you pout and say "but i want to talk about you. half of these essays are about you", gives you a little nose kiss and says "well, alright, if you insist lol", which in turn makes you roll your eyes and say "bloody narcissist. but i love you!" lmao it's all very cute and fun. throughout the interview, he looks at you like you hung the moon, his eyes never leaving your face and his smile never leaving his - an audio clip from your radio interview goes viral because the host says "no wonder you're writing all these wonderful essays about being in love and being loved - the way your other half (matty tears up at this btw lol) looks at you, and has done the whole time we've been talking, i don't think anyone has ever been so loved as you are by him", and you get all blushy and bashful and giggly before you say "well, he has, by me", and the world seems to really love this little insight moment. and when you get home at the end of the day, matty's insistent on being the one to make dinner because "you've been working, darling, relax"; you sit in the kitchen while he cooks, mayhem at your feet and a glass of wine in your hand, and nothing has ever been so domestic and perfect. speaking of domesticity, actually - on your days off, the two of you have been rearranging the house somewhat. partially in prep for christmas decorations, but also partially because even though you moved in ages and ages ago you haven't really had the time to find the right places for all your things. matty had the kinda cute, kinda egotistical (thus, extremely him) idea of putting all your awards and most cherished writing bits in the same room as his music equivalents, so you've had to source appropriately nice bookcases for that to happen; the room looks so cool once it's finished, books interspersed with music scores and brits surrounding the booker nomination, and matty's like "you know, this is really fitting, given that we inspire each other so much. and it's also cool as fuck. like we really are the coolest couple on the planet" lol. he puts a desk in there under the guise of that being the best room to do video interviews from, but really it's so he has something to bend you over; of course thinking about the two of you being so hot and cool and accomplished gets him going, it's matty we're talking about lmfao. but really, at his core, he's a sweetheart completely in love with you - once you both got the christmas tree up and decorated, you tugged him into the kitchen like "ok, it's time. you said we were having chicken for dinner, yeah?", and matty nods in confusion and then gasps when he sees the potatoes and the baking tray and your seasoning mix on the counter like "wait, is this what i think it is? you're-" and you nod like "teaching you the roast potato recipe. this is it, healy, you're stuck with me forever now". and matty - crying, obv - just grabs your face and kisses you deeply, murmuring "can't fucking wait for that. i love you". cute as hell <3
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Helaena's nameday and her discovery of joy AKA Animal crossing new horizons for the nintendo switch:)
It is my comfort game so I made a cute little fluffy thingy about Helaena getting her very own switch and how she deals with her nameday stuff.
-----
Aemond: I uhm...I knew you liked spiders and I looked up games online that uhm deal with anxiety and had great music and also had children rating so you could play with the kids as well.
Helaena, getting a box from aemond: Hm. "Animal crossing"? Oh...
Aemond: You can also hunt bugs-
Helaena: OMG I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU BEST BROTHER EVER *hugs him* OMG I WANT TO PLAY!
Aegon:?? I got you the switch? That's...2 times the game?
Helaena; does it have bugs?
Aegon; I sure f hope not.
---
Later, the three of them on alicents bed when the TV is on with animal crossing.
Aegon: That racoon looks shady.
Aemond; He's definitely up to something
Helaena, seeing her starter villagers: Oh my gosh they are the most adorable thing I ever saw. I will let them murder me and claim my children. I bonded now we will share a connection forever. My new children will have their names.
Aemond:? Should we-
Aegon:? Nah I'm just glad she's happy.
Helaena: Oh! Oh look! Look! I'm running! I'm running in circles! Oh this is great! *joycons cracking under her fingers* omg this is amazing!!!!
Tom nook: Hello, Helaena (on screen)
Aemond: BY THE SEVEN! IT TALKS.
Aegon: What the hell does it want.
Helaena: He is so cute. Idc what he wants he is adorable.
Aemond: So if a robber came to our house...
Helaena: if he's cute yes:)
Aemond: why is it a he?
Helaena: Back to the game we go!
, later naming her island
Helaena: Oh no. This is rather difficult.
Aegon: how about SpiderCave
Aemond: That's a horrible name.
Aemond: Unless Helaena disagrees than its actually perfect-
Helaena: How about ....DreamIsland?
Aegon: that's very you, Helaena. Perfect.
Helaena::)
Later, 12 hours later
Aegon; Don't you want to come downstairs and say hi to everyone? It's your nameday.
Helaena: I don't want to leave...My villagers need me! They can't eat alone and they need someone to help their tents and...
Aegon: do they or don't you want to go downstairs?
Helaena: I love the people downstairs but its ...difficult. for me.
Aemond: this is also really great: You can take the switch with you!
Helaena: ...still...
Aemond; Just say hello to everyone, thank everyone for coming and go back upstairs. They won't bug you anyway. If anyone starts gossiping they'll be dealt with.
Helaena: thank you.
Aegon, eying the switch:
Aemond: No, helaenas birthday present.
Aegon: I got Zelda for you BTW.
Aemond: You what.
Aegon: Nah its her birthday present. We shouldn't.
Aemond: so...is this the zelda with the sword or the zelda with the cartoons
Aegon: hmm. The zelda with the game of the year nomines and the amazing graphics and the beautiful open world and the amazingly hot blonde princess you'll save.
Aemond: *heavy breathing when eying the switch*
Aemond: she's downstairs anyway- a few...moments...won't hurt...
Aemond: Nah I can't. She was so happy. I'll buy one myself. She should be playin-
Aemond: Aegon?
Aegon, starting up Zelda: Sorry. But I want to play to remind myself that there is still some beauty in this world!!!
Aemond: You fucking asshole did you at least save?!
Aegon: We can restart again and make her villagers reappear
Aemond: You IDIOT! You moron! There's a chance they won't show up again! Her helicopter, her island layout, her starters: EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT. HELAENA WILL KNOW.
Aegon; fuck are you serious?!
Aemond: no I love screaming at you!
Aegon: well...one thing we can do...try to make everything as it was. Or we will break her precious heart.
---
Helaena coming back; Oh! My island is just how I...
Aemond: *gulps* what is wrong?
Helaena: I thought I had a yellow airport? Hm. Weird.
Aegon: Helaena...love..I'm so sorry but we closed your game and your former progress is lost and I'm so sorry and I really am.
Aemond: we? Really?
Helaena: *seeing her new starters* Oh my gosh. they are even more adorable! And a green airport?! I Love green how did you two do that for me?! I'm so in love with my new island there's a heart shaped lake?! I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH.
Aemond: Wait but what about your starters? You bonded, right? They would...claim and eat our children?
Aegon; wait...our.....??
Aemond; your I said your you misheard.
Helaena:..to be fair, Aemond: the others were kind of ugly. Sorry.
Aegon: damn that's ruthless.
Aemond: yeah so...ruthless...hm.. *turned on*
/Helaena never had a video game before so this for her big and new and amazing. The boys also never saw it before but did do they research.
#house of the dragon#aemond targaryen#aegon ii Targaryen#Helaena Targaryen#house of the dragon fanfiction#helaena x aemond#hotd shitpost#animal crossing#Helaena being a animal crossing fan
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ok original submitter of the christmas halloween take here! i’ve seen this point being brought up that i’d like to speak on and that’s the following: ‘well there’s christmas stuff being sold like well before christmas so it’s not exclusive to the christmas season! therefore that point is invalidated’
here’s the thing; halloween stuff is also being sold before halloween season, and again it’s socially acceptable to have that kinda stuff around year round as it’s generally just spooky aesthetics. meanwhile having christmas stuff all year round is silly because it’s intrinsically tied to december. you can’t have christmas decor in your house and other relayed stuff in summer that’s just silly! (unless you’re doing a hhgregg joke) (and also you’re free to do whatever forever i just think it’s a bit silly :-P)
‘but it may be sold that time’ think about it; would you rather buy christmas stuff in advance and save it for the season, or buy it all in december during the Rush to buy christmas stuff? plus stuff is less likely to be sold out earlier you buy it
btw while some christmas stuff is general winter stuff, such as snowflakes, a lot of it (christmas songs, stockings, reindeers) is specific to christmas, and there is a distinction between general cozy winter aesthetics and christmas aesthetics so even then you can’t do christmas stuff in february.
ok, i know this isn't entirely the same point, but it is one that i feel really strongly about and i've been holding in this rant for a long time now without even realising it
i think pretty much every argument about why halloween is better than christmas is valid - but the one argument that i see a lot and 100% disagree with is when people say that halloween 'stays in october', while christmas 'spreads throughout the year'
i can understand why most people feel that way - it's true that the lead up to christmas usually starts the second october ends, but... for me, at least, halloween is worse
i've worked retail for a long time, and in my experience at least even though they're both sold super early halloween stuff stays on the shelves a lot longer than christmas stuff does - actually, halloween stuff never goes away.
(this is a grocery store, so we're talking about food specifically)
christmas products do get sold really early, but they don't stick around that long after christmas is over, either because they either sell out or just go out of date.
and we're never overstocked with branded christmas stuff. it's always more expensive, higher quality, and takes up more shelf space - things like shortbread tins, fancy chocolate reindeer, stuff like that - so we don't get sent as much, and we don't build up a surplus of stock - by new year's it usually gone
but our halloween stock consists of mountains of cheap shit candy - more than we could ever sell - that's filled with so many chemical preservatives it takes 12 months or more until it hits its sell-by, and since there's always a chance someone will buy it, we just leave it up there until it's replaced by more of the same halloween candy next year
at least christmas decorations go away eventually - we have a dedicated, decorated halloween section all year long.
i already have really bad memories associated with halloween, and i'm reminded of those memories every day because for me, halloween never fucking ends.
i know that people when people make this point they actually mean christmas adverts and songs and stuff playing too early... but i'm so done with halloween, i can't take it anymore
i'm trapped in a never-ending halloween hell and if listening to mariah carey in october is the price i'd have to pay for freedom then i'd pay it in a heartbeat
i'm so tired
just let me be free
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ok im playing more zelda!! i feel awful this is literally all i can do rn
you know i miss the match over bell from botw. it was so good
FAIRIES IN THIS CAVE...thank god
i fucking hate this place btw. rauru's settlement or whatever. i hate bottomless bogs
i guess in regards to gameplay it's not that different than lava - more forgiving, even! lava kills you instantly and sometimes you can fight your way out of a bog! - but it FEELS worse. it's uglier for one thing
i'm really close to the lost woods so i'm gonna see if i can navigate it without a torch! since i can see the wind blowing. i have so many korok seeds to trade in lol
took me one false start but i made it! i just had to walk veeery slowly lol
MAXED OUT my weapon storage already. damn.
going to check out a tiny chasm i've been eyeballing forever. i deserve a break
i used to feel so nervous being this close to hyrule castle in botw...the hills between it and the lost woods...it's not as bad in totk although i am still hugging the water. i don't want the music to play lol
fucking korok seed i was supposed to get by starting a fire and using a pinecone to go straight up. it was raining. i had to make the most convoluted structure out of dead trees it took FOREVERRR
how exciting!! after awhile away from the depths i land right on top of a yiga camp AND i can see an easy lightroot from here. a gentle reintroduction
ooh, this book talks about lights that appear and then vanish....that's fucking spooky. i hope they dont mean hands lol
ive been wanting to try "hoverbikes" that ive heard about and theres some fans here, so
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OH THIS IS THE MOST FUN IVE EVER HAD. WOW
ok my bike died but for a test run that was NOT bad
this area is all explored except this one dark spot that i've just now lit up...i'll grab a few poes and go somewhere else
i'm gonna go to goron city and buy my stupid fire helmet. i swear if i don't kill that gleeok on lake hylia i'll die
oh! i found the goron brothers house! kabetta's diary...
uh oh, it's his marbled rock roast descent
ooh, i found the sidequest to get a boulder breaker!!
where tf do i get a cobble crusher these days i wonder...
god i forgot how fun minecarts are. i saw one of the oldstyle ones on my way by...
kilton's balloon! or um. whoever he is lol <3 i have TOOOONS of gems to trade
it's not the same here without the lava, but at least there's lava in the caves...
these mine cart tracks were RIDICLOUS. i got SO STUCK lol
i see dinraAl but im too close to the ground 😭
OOOOHHHHH maybe i can use a hoverbike.....i gotta finish this fight first lol
GOT A COBBLE CRUSHER.....oh man i almost LEFT these guys to go chase dinraal!!!
ok ok gotta hurry
so, this bike doesn't control as well as i';'d like...maybe i need practice...and of course i wish it was faster...but it's still REALLY cool
my battery keeps dying/my bike keeps falling :( i give up
ugh i have so much anxiety about dragon parts.
VAH RUDANIA HELM??????? HELLOOOOOO
oh my god...i didnt even have this in botw, i dont have the amiibo card....................
aw i found some monster forces guys. of COURSE im gonna help them
OH we still get the bell after monster forces battles...good
NO FUCK AND THEY JUST LEFT. AND THERE'S ABOUT TO BE A BLOOD MOON LOL
i didnt get all my loot yet!! no one to help me when they come back!! im gonna die!!!
im not leaving w/o my Loot. i'll just have to do it on my own. thank god i have muddlebuds
GEEZ i did it. double loot
i can see the edge of the map! that sort of thing always did fascinate me...some of the textures are warped here lol that's creepy
ok, i looked it up and apparently i made my hoverbike wrong. im gonna try again w proper instruction!!
ok, new bike got me up to the top of gut check rock...it still has too much forward momentum for me, but i've seen a couple of different designs i wanna experiment with when i have more fans (currently only have 2 left in inventory)
i miss the goron blood brothers :( i mean it's so depressing that there's nothing up here but a korok seed...
ANOTHER EVENTIDE SHRINE. FUCK ME SIDEWAYS i hate this bs!!!
ok fine that wasnt that bad. STILL
bike is LOTS harder to control with a korok on the back. i like of like the counterweight though to help with too much momentum...
the bike lists to one side! i definitely just need to improve my fan placement
woke up the horse god. JUST as unsettling as i remember.
omg the yiga hideouts REFILL after long enough. rip!
decided to fight the pirates while i was here. "monster forces"...hope i'm not supposed to be teaming up with anyone for this lol
i accidentally hit my bike during combat and it went over the side of the boat 😭 i can make another and i was gonna fast travel after this anyway but STILL......
AUGH it's dinraal again and once again i can't chase her...i know how to do the bike now but i don't have it and also i'm busy!!!!! ugh
248 korok seeds!! officially time for bed - when i started today i was somewhere in the mid 100s lol
i thought i wouldn't play enough tonight to need to make multiple posts but i guess i should have broken this one up, huh? whoops!
#personal#loz blogging#totk lb#totk spoilers#sorry for your dashes but i assume everyone has these blocked by now anyway
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ok but 'You Belong With Me' is such a byler-coded song. it fits so good
nonnie. nonnie. thank you for this ask. however. i don't think you understand the tirade you're about to launch me on. thank you for presenting me with this hallowed opportunity. i know many bylers who listen to taylor swift a lot more than i do have talked about their thoughts a lot more in depth than i ever could, but i present to you, what became an overly-long analysis, in no particular order:
lark's top ten byler-coded taylor swift songs 🫡💕🤩
You Belong With Me
um?? hello??? "You're on the phone with your girlfriend, she's upset/She's going off about something that you said/'Cause she doesn't get your humor like I do/I'm in my room, it's a typical Tuesday night/I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like/And she'll never know your story like I do.../If you could see that I'm the one who understands you/Been here all along, so why can't you see?/You belong with me" will byers wrote this song. he wrote this song. like what???? AND IT WORKS BOTH WAYS. this is theee jealous mike wheeler song. ever. i wrote a mike pov fic last year & i had this song on repeat the entire time i was writing.
2. I Wish You Would
"You're thinking that I hate you now/'Cause you still don't know what I never said/I wish you would come back/Wish I never hung up the phone like I did, I wish you knew that/I'll never forget you as long as I live/And I wish you were right here/Right now, it's all good/I wish you would.../I wish we could go back/And remember what we were fighting for/And I wish you knew that I miss you too much to be mad anymore" LIKE WHAT??? this is the song that was playing when mike & will were having their little fight in the roller rink btw. this is the song that represents the 6 months they didn’t speak to each other. they miss each other so fucking much. augh. them.
3. Paper Rings
"I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings/Uh huh, that's right/Darling, you're the one I want, and/I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this/In paper rings, in picture frames, in dirty dreams/Oh, you're the one I want/I want to drive away with you/I want your complications too/I want your dreary Mondays/Wrap your arms around me, baby boy" like r u kidding me. this is the byler fluff anthem. i am forever and always an angst girly but AUGH. THEY ARE SO IN LOVEEEEEEE. adorable. they love each other so much. literally make me squee. augh. mwah
4. Seven
"I think your house is haunted/Your dad is always mad and that must be why/And I think you should come live with me/And we can be pirates/Then you won't have to cry/Or hide in the closet/And just like a folk song/Our love will be passed on.../Cross my heart won't tell no other/And though I can't recall your face/I still got love for you/Pack your dolls and a sweater/We'll move to India forever/Passed down like folk songs/Our love lasts so long" mike wheeler wrote this song. sorry. it perfectly encapsulates byler's feeling of haunted or lost childhood friends, who always stay with you, and you wish they were still in your life. it fits them so well.
5. This Love
"Your kiss, my cheek/I watched you leave/Your smile, my ghost/I fell to my knees/When you're young, you just run/But you come back to what you need/This love is good/This love is bad/This love is alive/Back from the dead/These hands had to let it go free and/This love came back to me" this song just screams s4 to me, like their relationship fell to shambles and everything broke apart s3-s4, but byler can't help but always find their way back to each other. and that's not even including the "back from the dead" implications COUGH COUGH ZOMBIE BOY
6. You Are in Love
"One look, dark room/Meant just for you/Time moved too fast/You play it back/Buttons on a coat/Lighthearted joke/No proof, not much/But you saw enough/...You can hear it in the silence.../You can feel it on the way home.../You can see it with the lights out.../You are in love/True love/...You keep his shirt/He keeps his word/And for once you let go/Of your fears and your ghosts/...You kiss on sidewalks/You fight, then you talk/One night he wakes/Strange look on his face/Pauses, then says/"You're my best friend"/And you knew what it was/He is in love" ok that's a long set of lyrics but i'm SORRY??????? this song is literally will and mike's love story. they're dancing back and forth with each other, but they're certain there's something deeper there. and it doesn't even need to be said between them.
7. You're On You're Own, Kid
"Summer went away/Still, the yearning stays/I play it cool with the best of them/I wait patiently/He's gonna notice me/It's okay, we're the best of friends/...I didn't choose this town/I dream of getting out/There's just one who could make me stay/All my days/From sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes/I waited ages to see you there/I search the party of better bodies/Just to learn that you never cared/You're on your own, kid/You always have been" when i tell u my jaw DROPPED TO THE FLOOR when i heard it for the first time. this is the most will byers-coded song i've ever heard in my entire life. GOD. the angst???? this is HIS ANTHEM i'm telling you.
8. Message in a Bottle
"I know that you like me/And it's kinda frightening/Standing here waiting/And I became hypnotized/By freckles and bright eyes/Tongue-tied/But now, you're so far away, and I'm down/Feeling like a face in the crowd/I'm reaching for you, terrified/'Cause you could be the one that I love/I could be the one that you dream of/A message in a bottle is all I can do/Standing here, hoping it gets to you" ok what if i said the "message in a bottle" was the painting. what if i said that. this song goes both ways for both their povs but like??? another s3-s4 anthem. there's a tension between them that scares them so they try to insinuate it as best they can!!
9. All Too Well (10 Minute Version)
"I can picture it after all these days/And I know it's long gone, and that magic's not here no more.And I might be okay, but I'm not fine at all.../And I was thinking on the drive down, any time now/He's gonna say it's love, you never called it what it was.../And there we are again when nobody had to know/You kept me like a secret, but I kept you like an oath/Sacred prayer, and we'd swear/To remember it all too well, yeah/Well, maybe we got lost in translation/Maybe I asked for too much/But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up/Running scared, I was there/I remember it all too well/And you call me up again just to break me like a promise/So casually cruel in the name of being honest/I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here" ok that's another long set of lyrics. i'm sorry. but I MAINTAIN that willel would have had this song on BLAST ON REPEAT the entire drive back to hawkins in s4 if it existed in 1986. they need the catharsis. they r going Through it. the ANGST. no one is having a good time right now. every time i write a byler angst fic (which is. often) i put this song on repeat.
10. Haunted
"You and I walk a fragile line/I have known it all this time/But I never thought I'd live to see it break/It's getting dark and it's all too quiet/And I can't trust anything now/And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake/Oh, I'm holding my breath/Won't lose you again/Something's made your eyes go cold/Come on, come on, don't leave me like this/I thought I had you figured out/Something's gone terribly wrong.../Stood there and watched you walk away/From everything we had/But I still mean every word I said to you" the angst in this song goes all the way back to season 2. oh my god. the two of them r so incredibly dramatic. like will being possessed??? oh my god. OH MY GOD.
/end rant. nonnie, i am sorry this took me so long to answer & i'm sorry i derailed the whole thing to go on a tangent about taylor swift. if anyone has any byler song recs plsssss tell me them. i need to start talking about byler & music more. mwah 💖🫶
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CHARACTER BINGO FOR THOSE MARKERPLIER CHARACTERS MAYHAPZ
YOUUUUU DIDN'T SPECIFY SO WE DID A LOT HAHSSJDHDHSHDHFH
So before we start these r all very Much biased bc plurality . we tried 2 stick to how we feel abt the source characters but uh.... ANYWAYS,
all under the cut let's go
where DO i even start. ok. he's Lirerally just a dude (... Debatable. /joke) and that makes him So Funny . New Guy Just Dropped: literally just a haunted house's Angry Humansona. He's on a mission to Kill (justified) but he's gotta do a trillion side quests first and they're all Be Gay Do Crime. Before WKM and therefore His Lore™ dropped i think all we knew abt him was what happened in ADWM which is even funnier. 3 fuckign people get trapped in a meatsuit and they're like "what's the bEst way 2 get revenge" and apparently the first step is to go seduce people about it. Gay Rights 😃👍!
Our take abt Dark is that Mark did a Damn Good Job At Accidental Plural Representation! This Man Is A Fucking System!! Litcherqlly the trauma-endo system OF ALL time thnk u fr coming 2 my Ted Talk .
woulj not want 2 meet irl on account of would also probably fucking kill us <3
HE...... THEE BUBBLEGUM BASTARD OF ALL TIME.
ok after everything in WKM literally he deserves to kill too. Man fucking lost all his friends and got blamed for one of their deaths (which . Listen to me. Not his fucking fault but we'll get into that Later,) and watched as the DA fuckin g fell to their death and then GOT UP. AND WALKED AWAY*. Like. Listen to me.
If my fuckign life went from being pretty cool to absolute hell within the span of like 2 days i too would lose my mind and then change my identity completely and be convinced that everything is a joke. I too would be pink abt it btw pink is gender as hell.
(*by this point it wasn't Exactly the DA but Dark but whatever THE POINT STILL STANDS!)
Now we would absolutely not want to meet him if he were real IRL . Shit would go fucky and we'd be dead almost immediately. no thank u HFJDJSJDN
THIS FUCKING GUY!!!!!!!!!! OK,
So The Host has like zero canon whatsoever. And. That sucks. BuT! What very very few appearances he has are very cool and he looks cool and we think he's neat. Also he should get to kill too I think almost everyone should get to kill :3c
I would not want 2 meet him bc he can narrate shit into existence and that is terrifying. God blees. <3
THIS!!!!!!!!! MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!
the man the myth the reason why dark exists the reason why wil is the way he is etc. etc. etC.!!!!!!!!
he scares me. JEHWJDJFDJJSJFDIDISI. he's a huge jackass canonically and literally planned his death like What on god. But anyways!!! From a character standpoint he's so cOOL!!!!! like hello!!! literally did all that shit bc his wife cheated on him with his bestie iirc which WHAT the fuck <3. ok <3. Divorce exists but gO off dude!
So this is where shit gets... Less abt The Canon Character and more very biased sys-wise. Cuz our Actor is the funniest fuckign guy ever I think and I don't think he realizes it. Dude fucking exploded something in the headspace once and just said "Clown for the dount" before leaving front for 1-2 months straight and that lives rent free in our head forever.
Like. We all think he's gr8 here lmao he's helped us a lot so far with day to day shit. But he's also way fucking different than source!Actor is so ?? dhajKxjfjsn.
Anyways we would not want 2 meet source!Actor bc he'd probably also try to kill us <3. tl;dr he's a WONDERFUL villain and a well written character tbh. I want to canonically see Dark rip him 2 shreds.
:D so this uhhh. So this is 10000% system bias. Uhhhhhhhh. Ummmm.
I can't explain this one except I'm gay and literally our Google fictive is my bf in-sys LMFAO -Marvin✨
wait actually i Can explain a bit hold on.
I/we think people forget tht he's like. Mainly a hater. Dude popped into existence and was almost Immediately bitter about everything. He Is A Sarcastic Jackass. He Is Not A Helpful Man. He literally wants one thing and that is to destroy mankindJFJSKSKFJFKDJ
With that being said if canon!Google existed irl anywhere near us we r running away. He Would Kill Us. JSHSJDJFMFFJJDJSJF
#ask#THANK U WEAST!!!!!! EEEE#weast#long post#ALLLLL WRITTEN N DONE BY MARVIN BTW bdhwkajxjsjajd#i just realized only wil got a bingo here. huh. damn HFHDJZJCCNCJS#love the running theme here with these guys canonically though#We Do Not Want To Meet Them. We'd Die. HAHWHSJDNFNCND
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accompanying progress photos
edit: here's the sinner quotes in case the vfx are too strong. and you're not bothered to scroll to every half second. btw i kept all the spellings of names from the translations i used to prevent confusion. but it is still pretty confusing.
yi sang (the end poem of The Wings): I stopped my pace and wanted to shout. Wings, spread out again! Fly. Fly. Let me fly once more. Let me fly just once more
faust (god talks to mephistopheles about faust): He drives his spirit outwards, far, / Half-conscious of its maddened dart: / From Heaven demands the brightest star, / And from the Earth, Joy’s highest art / And all the near and all the far, / [But] Fails to release his throbbing heart.
don quixote (idk the context i stole it off of goodreads ngl): When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies? Perhaps to be too practical is madness. To surrender dreams — this may be madness. Too much sanity may be madness — and maddest of all: to see life as it is, and not as it should be!
ryoshu (yoshihide, her inspiration, requested to watch a woman be burnt in a carriage so he could finish his portrait of hell. the emperor agrees to his request but burns his daughter instead): No longer did his eyes seem to mirror the image of his daughter's agonised death. His eyes seemed to delight beyond measure in the beautiful color of the flame and the form of the woman writing in her last infernal tortures.
meursault (at the end of the novel, before his execution, he realises the world doesn't care for him, and gains happiness through this realisation): As if that blind rage had washed me clean, rid me of hope; for the first time, in that night alive with signs and stars, I opened myself to the gentle indifference of the world.
hong lu (pao yu/baoyu/hong lu discovers his soulmate died on the day of his arranged marriage, and falls into such a suicidal depression that his soul slips into the spirit world): Utterly broken, Pao Yu sank back on his pillows. It became black as lacquer before his eyes, and his spirit became lost in the semidarkness of a distant dreamland.
heathcliff (i don't think i need to explain this one): Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living. You said I killed you—haunt me then. Be with me always—take any form—drive me mad. Only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you!
ishmael (don't need to explain this one either): Call me Ishmael. Some years ago—never mind how long precisely—having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world.
rodya (sonia confronts rodion about his actions and he goes on a mad rant to her while trying to justify his actions, scaring sonia in the process. i thought this one was really good for rodya's "stagnation" in tkt): Did I murder the old woman? I murdered myself, not her! I crushed myself once for all, for ever…. But it was the devil that killed that old woman, not I. Enough, enough, Sonia, enough! Let me be!’ he cried in a sudden spasm of agony, ‘let me be!’
dante (another goodreads victim. appropriate for their job as manager): Through me you go into a city of weeping; through me you go into eternal pain; through me you go amongst the lost people.
sinclair (he comes to terms with his childhood ending - demian has dealt with kromer's bullying, but sinclair feels forever changed by kromer introducing him to sin/crime): What had once been Franz Kromer was now embedded in me. And in this way the 'other world' was gaining power over me from outside.
outis (ulysses returns home to his wife penelope, who assumes he is dead. in their house, he pretends to be a stranger to her): So here inside your home, question me about anything you wish except my family or native land, in case you fill my heart with still more grief, as I remember them.
gregor (his final thoughts before his slow suicide by starvation. i included the family line for irony. the apple in his back was thrown at him by his father): The rotting apple in his back and the inflamed area around it already hardly troubled him. He thought of his family with tenderness and love.
virgillius (virgil's introduction in Inferno): I will be thy guide, / And lead thee hence through the eternal place, / Where thou shalt hear the desperate lamentations, / Shalt see the ancient spirits disconsolate, / Who cry out each one for the second death.
charon (this is from Aenid, a latin epic poem by Virgil, the poet who inspired virgil in Inferno): The sullen boatman admits sometimes these, sometimes those; while others to a great distance removed, he debars from the banks.
and a sigmund freud quote about ego: Driven by the id, confined by the superego, repulsed by reality.
also more details in order of when they appear:
angela is far paler in her pale librarian form than her lobcorp form (i SHOULD HAVE included her eye pattern in her lobcorp form but i didnt)
benjamin's broken heart at the first “give me your heart ringing like” which is covered by his tie. some symbolism for him putting aside his morals to work for ayin (speaking of i really wish i included more ayin and carmen in here)
my friend called the pose where angela puts out her hand to roland the 'angela ibuprofen' and i cant stop thinking about it (said friend’s friend then sent her this video)
the first ... --- ... has the dots cover roland's face to mimic his perception blocking mask. the dashes show up in the order angela cuts off his limbs at the start of lor
lobcorp yesod is looking at malkuth because her death is what pushed him over the edge to develop contamination paranoia. also i thought it was weird they mention he was covered head to toe but he wore a crewneck t-shirt and an open labcoat so i changed it to closed labcoat + turtleneck
lobcorp hod has enkephalin on her hands because she feels guilty for what happened to netzach, both his death and addiction
enoch is completely uninjured in the lobcorp flashback
this is just hard to see but the crib is on the left of roland's flashback where he's sitting on the couch
i'm really satisfied with the gebura to olivier transition. yipeee.
puppet angelica's heart is exposed although its pretty hard to see
binah/hokma's 'hearts' are references to their lobcorp breakdown form
i forgot to colour in leviathan vergillius' eyes orz
and when the end credits start rolling the text changes to the taglines of the games (e.g. it says 'song: Face the Fear, Build the Future')
SAVE THIS GAME MR. A
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hi i was wondering when time part 3 was coming out i really loved part 1 and 2 and im really curious about whats going to happen next
Time [J.B] Pt.3.1
Summary: Your mother's will was about to be opened and you decided to travel to hear it. Jacob thinks he's lost you forever, but a call from Edward brings you back to Forks. A sacred promise will bind you to Bella beyond death.
Word count: idk. It's too long lol
Warnings: angst. Pure angst. Angst series. I love angst lol
A/N: IM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT. I was so busy with school and my korean lessons that i have no time to write. I’m on vacations now so i’m going to update a lot more!. If you have some wolfpack request you can drop it in my box! :D. btw this is the part 3.1, part 3.2 will be updated tomorrow!
Same note as ever english not my mother language so tell me if something is wrong. Enjoy!
"Okay, that's enough, get up."
Charlie came into your room, he walked over to your bed and pulled the covers away from your face. You growled angrily, stretching your arms out wanting to reach for the covers but Charlie pushed them away as far as he could. Then you plopped back down on the bed, covering your face with the pillow. Your father sighed.
"It's been two months, how long do you plan to live like this?"
"A couple more months, i think."
"It's not funny. I want you to leave this room now. Geez, first Bella and now you?”
"I don't know what are you talking about."
"You know very well what I'm talking about. Being sad all the time, not leaving the house, ditching your friends, the screaming in the night..."
"I've never screamed."
"...the nightly groans that wake me up thinking you're hurt" he corrected. You sighed "It's not normal. And I don't think it's right that you're going through that for a boy. Your behavior has changed and I don't like it. I've talked to Billy and Jacob isn't any better. It seems...it seems like being apart...it seems like it physically hurt you guys."
You felt Charlie sit next to you putting his open hand on your waist caressing you lovingly. He was sick worried and it wasn't fair for him to carry so many burdens on top of the ones he already had because of his job. You uncovered your face and without daring to look at him you shook your head.
"That's silly."
"Then don't make me think in that possibility. I don't know what happened between you two and I'm not going to pressure you to tell me, but I'd like you to at least try to resume your life outside these four walls. You're about to start college and you haven't even picked a school."
"I’ll do it later."
"When?"
"When I wanted to do it, Dad, it's not your decision to make."
"Your mother wouldn't be happy to see you like this."
Your heart stopped for a second and the pain in your chest intensified. Charlie was right. The last thing your mother would want was to see you in rags leaving your dreams behind, however, you didn't feel like starting a new chapter in your life was a good idea when the previous ones weren't finished yet. Besides, the anniversary of your mother's death was near and it made you sensitive to remember the past.
"Please don't mention her."
"About that" he said, stroking your matted hair "Early in the morning your aunt called to talk about your mother. It's her fifteenth anniversary and her will is to be opened. Your aunt wants you to travel to Tennessee and be there at the reading."
"Why?"
"I don't know, but it seems like a good idea if you ask me" You saw Charlie smile slowly, his hand was caressing your arms making them warm. You noticed the concern for you in his brown eyes and felt sorry for him "I think getting away from here for a while-"
"I don't want to go away" you replied. For the past two months you had suffered through hell being away from Jacob and you knew that leaving Forks would make everything worse. You didn't want to see Jacob in your life, but you also didn't want him to be in pain so deep that it would kill him. Besides, you didn't know what would happen to you if you decided to move thousands of miles away.
"It's for the best, honey."
"Are you trying to get rid of me?"
"I don't want you to leave either" Charlie smiled. If he could save one of his daughters from marrying a boy in a hurry then he would "But if your mother's sister called it means it's about something important, don't you think? Besides, it's about mom. Do it for her."
Your heart ached. You loved your mother and even though it had been a while since she died you felt very attached to her. You thought about it for a long time. You didn't want to hurt Jacob but you didn't want to disappoint your mom either, you loved her and she loved you. Then you thought Jacob could live with that. He would endure the pain of feeling you away and if he didn't then you were willing to die from the pain. Jacob hadn't broken the bond yet. He'd rather live with feeling a wounded heart than lose you forever. He was a selfish bastard and you weren't going to let him. Not anymore
You sat up in bed. Charlie jumped in surprise and stared at you. You squeezed your temples for a moment clearing your mind and replied:
"Okay, I'll go."
"Really?"
"Really. You're right. I can't do this to her."
"Your aunt will be so happy to see you" You smiled "So, what do you want me to tell Jacob?" asked Charlie. You frowned. The truth was that since the fight he had been looking for you at home and calling you on the phone, but you never answered his calls. Charlie asked Jacob for some time for you to relax and that you would pick up the phone when you were ready, even though you both knew that wouldn't happen. You had your pride. You were going to hold on to it with all your might.
"Nothing. I don't want you to tell him anything. He doesn't have to know I'm gone" you lied. He would know it throught the bond "And if he gets a hint of it don't tell him where I am."
"Don't worry, I won't."
"Dad, don't you want to come with me?"
"Ah, I'd love to, but I have work and I can't leave the station alone, you know" you nodded. You didn't want to leave your father alone "Anyway I'll keep an eye out for anything that happens and you can call me anytime"
"Okay."
"Okay, start packing, I'll book your flight"
Charlie came out of your room and went down the stairs two at a time. He picked up the phone and you heard him speak quickly. You stood up and walked to the mirror, you looked terrible and the bags under your eyes showed how little rest you had had the last few months. You were noticeably thinner and your hair was starting to get greasy. You decided to quit any thoughts of Jacob and concentrate on your trip. You were excited to see your mother's family again, although you were worried about leaving Charlie alone and having him neglect himself by prioritizing his work. You thought about talking to Billy and asking him to take care of your father, however, you gave up. That meant being close to Jacob, smelling his scent and feeling his warm skin and you knew that if that happened you wouldn't have the strength to leave.
No way, Charlie would have to be reasonabl and take care of himself until you returned.
You touched your chest. The pain was still there. You had to be strong. If you had endured that pain for two months, then you could endure it some more, this time adding a few miles to it.
You weren't going to stop for Jacob Black. Not anymore.
Suddenly you thought your mother's will had been the reason to get out of bed and end the sadness. It wasn't worth it. If Jacob preferred Bella then he didn't mind feeling the pain you were now feeling as long as he was still tied to her.
With that thought you went into the shower, ready for the water to wash away the traces of your sorrow.
The truth was that leaving Forks was harder than you tought. You were determined to move on with your life and returning to your mother's hometown seemed like the best thing you could do, but the pain in your chest was a permanent reminder of what you were leaving behind.
The last few hours of the flight were pure hell. The priming pain grew as you got closer to Tennessee and on your road trip the choking sensation was unbearable. Your aunt, who had picked you up at the airport, saw you in bad shape during the drive and you brushed it off by saying that car rides made you dizzy. She guffawed without noticing how your hands clenched trying to keep you conscious.
"Your mother used to get the same way when we went to visit our grandparents' house uptown. She had to take motion sickness pills and bring a paper bag with her. Once he threw up twice before he was halfway there."
"Is it much farther to go?" you asked as you closed your eyes and leaned your head against the back of the seat
"Nah. We took longer than usual because of the traffic, but we'll be home in five minutes"
"Great."
"Charlie's okay?"
"Yeah, Dad's been working a lot, you know"
"When I talked to him he said you've been really down lately, do you want to tell me what happened?" you shook your head. The last thing you wanted was to remember every single thing that hurt you when the pain of the bond was trying to kill you. Your aunt nodded not wanting to push you "Okay, no worries."
"Thanks."
"And what about Bella, what happened to her?"
"She got married"
"Really? Ah, amazing. She's very young, tho"
"And Edward's a weirdo" Your aunt laughed
"You don't seem to like him too much"
"It's not that. It's really not my problem, Bella chose him and I don't want to talk about it. It's just... I don't know, it's annoying."
"Ah, I get it. Jelousy."
"I'm not jealous."
"It's okay, after all it's always been the two of you against the world. That someone else took her away from you..."
"You know Bella and I stopped being close a long time ago" you replied half opening your eyes to look at the window. The house that was your grandparents' could be seen from the rearview mirror "When she came to Forks she changed. It seemed as if Edward had molded her as his wish. I don't like this new Bella."
"I'm sure Bella is still the same innocent, clumsy, good-hearted little girl I knew years ago" your aunt said as she parked in the driveway. She looked at you with a smile and stroked your chin "Just because she had fallen in love doesn't make her a stranger to you. That's what love does, it changes people for better or worse. No one is the same after meeting their soul mate. Someday it will happen to you too, honey, and you'll understand what I'm talking about. Come on, I'll carry your bags."
Your aunt got out of the car, opened the back door and took your few suitcases deftly. You were left alone for a moment thinking about her words. Love had changed Bella, that was a fact, but it had also changed you and that was no sin. Maybe you had been misjudging Bella all this time and Edward was what she needed to be what she really wanted to be and to feel happy. Bella had made it, she was now married to Edward and not even death was going to be able to tear them apart. Edward would have to turn her into a vampire at some point and then you and Charlie would be just a memory.
The thought of that made you sick. Bella would see her parents and you die at some point and that was the price she had to pay for choosing to join her existence to Edward's and you wondered if the pain you felt in your chest was your price to pay for Jacob’s or if this was just a taste of what was in store for you later.
You sighed. Whatever it was you were ready for it.
You got out of the car and walked up the driveway. Everything was just as you remembered it and even the front of the house still had the down marks with which you and Bella had written your names intertwined. The main living room had a more opaque tapestry, but it didn't make much difference from before. The furniture was the same and the stairs were now lined with a plush brown carpet.
You took off your shoes feeling the plushness caress your feet and for the first time in a long time you felt happy. That house brought back many memories and the face of your living mother was one of them. Living in Forks you had forgotten how it felt to be in Tennessee where you had spent the best years of your life. That ended when your mother died and Charlie became so engrossed in his work to forget the pain that you didn't set foot in that house again until that time.
You saw your aunt come down the stairs reaching out her hands to take yours. You were a little cold and the shock of memories had made you sensitive. Your aunt patted your arms.
"Are you all right, little one?"
"Yes. It's been a long time since I've been here."
"Well, after your mother died a lot of things changed. I left this house and your father took you with him to Forks, so there was no one to take over the property til now, I hope" she said, looking at you with a smile. You didn't understand her gesture "The reading of the will is scheduled for today. The notary is already in my father's office, but if you are too tired we can schedule it for another day. There is no rush at all."
"I'm fine," you replied. Suddenly you felt that house filling you with an unfamiliar energy and the presence of the imprinting didn't seem to burn your heart. Your aunt tilded her head, trying to know if you were lying "I can handle a couple more hours awake. Please, let's do it now."
"Okay. Come with me."
You remembered Grandpa's office. It was a huge room filled with pictures and photographs. His mahogany desk was still in the same place as always and his wine bottles were perfectly lined up on the shelf. A huge painting of your mother hung on the right wall. You stopped to look at it and smiled. Your mother was a beautiful woman and you could see how happy she was through her smile. Her hair was down and her eyes were sparkling. That was a good portrait. A very good portrait that made you think you were seeing your mother alive in front of you.
Next to it was a picture of your grandparents with your mother and aunt. They were only children so they had grown up very close to each other. It was sad to think of how your aunt had been left with nothing and you were the only family she had now.
Memories floated back to you in a rush. You walked over to the desk finding a framed sheet of paper. On it was a drawing you and Bella made for him. Your stomach churned. You didn't know your grandfather treasured things like that.
Bella wasn't one of his family, yet they always made her feel welcome. Renee allowed Bella to sleep there and your aunt and Bella's mom were friends. There was always a cordial treatment and that made things more easier. You wished nothing had changed. That your mother and grandparents were still alive and that time had not passed and that Bella and you were still those little girls without fear of the future.
But time was a strange fortune and you knew that perfectly well.
You sat next to your aunt and greeted the notary with a smile. He asked your name, your age and where you lived. You felt uncomfortable for a moment, so your aunt took your hand and gave it a gentle squeeze and promised you that everything would be fine. You answered the questions and after the notary asked for your mother’s sister consent to continue, he opened your grandfather's desk and from it took out a sealed yellow folder.
"You may not know who i am, but I’ve been a family friend for so many years and I still remember your face perfectly" he said with a bright smile."You were a little girl back then. Time flies by, doesn't it?"
"It does."
"And now we're here fifteen years later."
"To hear mom's will, I know, my aunt told me."
"Right. Before anything else I want you to know that I was very fond of your mother and I’m sorry to said that i was the person that heard her last wishes before she died. She was a great woman and I promised myself to protect her will and respect her wishes. So, I would like you to listen carefully and ask your questions at the end."
You and your aunt nodded. Your back suddenly tensed and your aunt grabbed your hands under the desk. You were nervous. The notary began to open the envelope and you thought some kind of surprise would come out of it and explode in your face.
The man pulled out a single white sheet of paper and against the light you saw your mother's beautiful handwriting. Your eyes stung. You wanted to cry.
The notary read the paper with his galsses down. The first words were an affectionate greeting your mother had left for you, followed by a very long paragraph where she said how lucky she was to have you and how happy you made her. Without realizing it, the tears came out and soaked your cheeks. The man continued and when the will entered the estate section he paused for a whole minute.
"Charlie is a good father, he'll do anything to protect you and himself, but god knows that man is so clueless that he'll end up living in the police station at some point. I don't doubt about his abilities to take care of you, not at all! but I wish once in a while you and him and Bella could get away from the everyday a little bit, you know, maybe a vacation would be good for you! and this house is just right for it. With your grandparent’s death this house wasn't the same anymore, it doesn't make sense that a place full of memories get wasted like that, so first of all I would like you to have it, Y/N. Take it it’s yours"
You wiped your tears and looked at your aunt. She looked at you and stroked your hair.
"I always knew your mother would do something like this."
"But she can't, can she? Bequeath something that isn't hers."
"What do you mean?"
"This isn’t right" you replied "She can't do something like that. This house is yours too, I couldn't take it"
"Why not? You heard what your mother thought about it and I agree with her. When my parents died this place lost meaning. Your mother died too and I was left with no reason to be here. The pain of memories was stronger than me and I couldn't deal with it. This house is your grandparents' inheritance to your mother and me, half of everything is mine, but I'm willing to give that up if you accept your mother's last will"
"I couldn't" You refused "Dispossess yourself of your house..."
"For God's sake, don't put words in my mouth that I haven't said" she let out a laugh "You're not dispossessing me of anything. I am the one who is handing you what i have. It was your mother's wish and now it is mine."
"If that’s so then I will need your signature here" the notary said to your aunt. She nodded and without another word she accepted the pen he extended to her. You noticed that the man was handing her a sort of contract where she was donating her part of the house to you without any interest in between. Your eyes glistened with tears. It seemed as if your mother had planned that from the beginning knowing that at some point your broken heart would need time alone to put its pieces back together.
The notary sealed the contract and continued reading.
"Finally, I want you to know that it was never my will to leave you. If life could grant me a wish that would be to be by your side forever, to see you grow and have your own family, however I know that that will not be possible. I won't be with you to share everything I planned when I knew I was expecting you, but I know that Charlie will, and with Bella you’ll be happy. I love you, little one. Being your mother was the best thing that could have happened to me. Forever and always. Mom. Well, that was it" You sobbed one last time feeling your aunt's hands squeezing yours "As you know it has been fifteen years and it was time for the will to be opened. Your presence was very important and I appreciate you coming."
"This...all of this...is very confusing."
"Why?"
"This house would have to be yours" you told her. Your aunt smiled "I... Dad knew, didn't he?, that's why he insisted me to come?"
"There was no way for any of us to know, but we sensed it. Your mother loved this place and she also knew that the memories of what was here would destroy me. But not you, not her brave little girl."
"It's... great. Really great. I don't know... what should I do?"
"What about... to move here?"
"What?"
Your voice sounded louder than you expected and they both looked at you in surprise. You cringed in embarrassment, shrank back in your seat and waited for one of them to respond. The notary felt the tension between you two, he apologized and then he left. Your aunt sighed
"Wouldn't you like to?"
"It's not that. I... What about Forks?"
"What about it?"
"How could I leave? The people I love are there. My friends, my school, my father."
"Honey, you're about to start college and there are some very good schools here where you could start from scratch. Charlie will be fine on his own, he's a grown man and can take care of himself. friends? honey, I've been in contact with your father for month, do you think he didn't tell me the way you ditched your friends and locked yourself in your room?" You shrugged your shoulders
"I don't want to left Charlie."
"He'll understand."
"He'll be alone."
"Baby, I know it's not Charlie you're worried about. That Jacob guy...do you love him?"
You looked at your aunt. Surely your father had told her everything and the two of them had planned to get you out of Forks as soon as possible. Your situation with Jacob was getting worse every day and Charlie was beyond tired
Thinking about Jacob brought back the pain of the bond. You needed to be with him, to feel his warmth and hold him til you forgot the hurt you had done to each other, however, that was no longer an option and moving to Tennessee was the perfect opportunity to leave the wounds of a hellish love in the past.
"It doesn't matter anymore. Whatever happened between us...it was a mistake. He never loved me and I held onto him as long as I could. It was a mistake. You're right, it's better for me to stay, to rebuild my life here."
“are you sure?”
“I am”
Your aunt hugged you.
"Will you be okay?"
For a second fear filled your chest. No, you weren't going to be okay. At some point the bond would become so strained that it would end up killing you, but you were willing to take the risk. You were no longer going to give in for Jacob Black. He was left in the past with Forks and that's where he was going to stay.
That night your aunt made a nice dinner and you saw old pictures together. Remembrance were heavy and made you melancholy, though remembering the old days where your life seemed to be easier comforted you wonderfully. Your aunt talked and talked through dinner and when the clock on the dining room wall struck one o'clock in the morning she let you go to your room.
Your bags were already there. That room was the one you and Bella shared every time you visited your grandparents' house and it hadn't changed at all. You didn't bother to turn on the lights,so yout lay down on the bed and looked up at the ceiling that was lit by the phosphorescent stars that Bella had hung up long ago.
You were worried about Charlie, you didn't want to leave him alone and you didn't want to abandon the pack either. Jacob was a complete jerk, but the rest of the boys were your friends and you loved them. Your heart couldn't handle being away from your friends, but it wasn't going to handle having Jacob so close after what had happened either.
You closed your eyes tightly. Maybe begin again was for the best. For you, for Jacob, for everyone.
Your stomach churned. You were afraid, was that what you really needed to end the pain or would you just put it off as long as you could?
"Y/N, Charlie's on the phone!" your aunt announced from the second floor. You rolled over on the bed and grabbed the phone from the stool, put it against your ear and listened to your father's breathing on the other end
"Hi, dad."
"Hi, little one, how are you?"
"Fine, is something wrong?"
"Oh, no, no. I was just... calling cause I wanted to know how your flight was. I waited for you to do it but apparently you didn't have much time."
"I'm sorry" you whispered "I forgot."
"It's okayt."
"Dad" You interrupted him. You looked up at the ceiling again. Charlie cleared his throat "You planned this didn't you, you and my aunt?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You guys knew what Mom had put in her will."
"Something like that."
"And that's why you asked me to come."
"It was what your mother wanted."
"Dad..."
"Your mother and I talked about it a long time ago. When your grandparents died the house would be left alone and your aunt would close it. You moving there seemed like the best option for you. I wasn't going to let you repeat Bella's story. Suffering for a boy, changing for him and believing you can't live without him around”
"You should have told me the truth, that you wanted to get rid of me when i asked you."
"It wasn't easy for me to let go of my little girl so her heart could heal."
"What about you, are you going to stay alone in Forks?"
"Of course, I can take care of myself."
"Yeah, sure."
"At least i’ll try."
You both laughed and Charlie sighed into the speaker.
"I love you, (Y/N) "
"I love you, Dad."
You chatted for a while til Charlie realized it was too late for you to be awake so he said goodbye, asking you to take care of yourself and try to pick up where you left off. He hung up shortly after although the phone rang again immediately.
"Dad, I was just about to go to sleep, what-?"
"It's me" Your breath stopped as you heard Jacob's voice like a whisper. Your heart raced and the pain in your chest that you had been trying to suppress all day hit you hard. Your hands shook and suddenly everything seemed to spin "Please don't hang up, talk to me."
"How... how did you get this number?"
"It doesn’t matter."
"It does for me. Charlie gave it to you?"
"He would never do that. Not after what happened."
"So it was Billy, wasn’t he?"
Jacob fell silent, but you knew you'd hit the nail on the head.
"He saw the number in Charlie's address book while he was at your home."
You bit your lips avoiding saying anything about it. You loved Billy, but he had crossed the line. You understood why he did it, Billy kept believing that time would change his son so he could love you, yet you knew that wasn't possible and the only thing time would do would be to help you both deal with the pain.
Jacob sighed.
"Please don't blame him, dad just wanted to help."
"Don't tell me what to do."
"can we just... talk? no fights, no screams, just talk" .
"About what?"
Jacob thought hard, so hard, that he was silent for about five minutes just listening to the sound of your breathing. That didn't make sense, but you still refused to hang up and Jacob did the same. You bit your lips and your eyes stung when you heard him say:
"I miss you."
A sarcastic laugh came out of your mouth.
"How long were you rehearsing that in front of the mirror?"
"What?"
"It was hard for you to say, wasn't it?, Damn, you really must be rotten on pain that you preferred to settle for the imprint you got and keep the bond from killing you."
"That's not what this is about."
"Then what is it about?"
"It's been a while... I thought we could talk, try again, for real this time."
"My attempts were always real, Jacob. I don't know what you were doing all this time but I gave you more than you deserved."
"I know and I'm sorry."
"And now that I'm gone... now that I'm gone you feel the strain of the bond and that has forced you to seek relief anywhere. I can feel your pain, the latent despair burning your chest and trying to kill you every second of the day. I know, I feel it right now, but you know what, screw that, Jacob. I hate this, i hate you. It’s a nightmare. Imprinting isn't finding your soul mate, it's a curse . It's a disease that eats away at you and being with the person you've imprinted on is like medicine: you don't want to take it, it makes you sick and turns your stomach but you need it to feel good and there's nothing else in the world that gives you that same relief as what's tailor-made. I'm sick of it and I'm not willing to go back to that."
"What do you mean?"
"I left Forks and i'm not going back."
"What?, You can’t be serious!"
"I'm dead serious."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want to. That's how leaving works, isn't it?, you go away and leave everything behind, including people. That's what you did. Now I'm doing the same thing."
"What will happen to us-our bond?"
Your throat closed up. You hated feeling so vulnerable
"Break it."
"No way. The pain would eventually kill you."
"I'm ready for that. I'll resist."
"I'm not going to do it."
"Would you rather if i do it?"
"I love you" he said and your lips parted "I realized it in the time we've been apart. I think I always have and I didn't know it until I couldn't feel your presence anymore. I was confused and didn't know what to do. Now I know and I want to make amends for my mistakes, starting with being honest with you. The imprinting doesn't speak for me, this is my soul calling for you, can you believe me?"
You sighed.
"I'm hanging up."
"Tell me what you need and I'll do it" He pleaded in a whisper. You imagined him resting his head against the kitchen wall. He was desperate and your heart wanted to give in to him.
Nothing was going to change, it was too late. You loved him, but you couldn't wait for him anymore. Life would get out of your hands and you were not willing to tolerate an intermittent love.
Yet he seemed honest. You'd never seen him talk like that or plead like that before. Jacob must’ve been really desperate to call and ask for another chance. Either way it was all done and now it was thousands of miles between you two. You weren't coming back and if Jacob really wanted to redeem himself then he would have to endure the pain he once put you through.
Your hands pressed against the phone. The clock struck quarter past three in the morning.
"Time" you said and hung up the call.
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I’m sorry, i couldn’t tag some of u guys :(
#jacob black imagines#jacob black x reader#jacob black imagine#twilight saga#jacob black#quileute wolfpack#twilight cast#paul lahote#sam uley imagine#sam uley#twilight#paul lahote imagine#paul lahote imagines#seth clearwater imagines#seth clearwater imagine#twilight imagines
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Red Crystalline Caves
Request: Hey bestie. Can I request a 10/reader but this time it's the doctor who gets jealous when guys flirt w the reader? They're not dating so she's confused as to why he's upset and they argue until he admits his feelings and jt ends w fluff (Don't feel rushed to complete this, school is important! Good luck btw)
WC: 1.9K
A/N: WHAT’S THIS???? ELLE FINISHED A REQUEST???? I’m as surprised as you all, don’t worry 😂 It’s my first request in about a month and a half and I’m so proud of myself for posting so please reboot and don’t let this flop or I’ll actually cry (I’m kidding!!! … maybe….) I am hoping I’ll get out requests a little faster, I do have 1 or 2 that are like almost done, but not quite. I am so sorry that I’m so slow, but enjoy!!!
---
Was it foolish to be mad over other men flirting with you?
No! Not one bit! Not when the Doctor has to sit by while you get hit on by some blushing barista with a stupid smirk. How dare he flirt with you, you’re the Doctor’s!
Well, not the Doctors just yet.
But if he has to sit here any longer and watch you laugh at some half-told joke from a man who burns the coffee he makes, the Doctor is going to go mad.
You finally leave the counter with your cup in hand and the smallest of grins on your face as the Doctor sits back in his chair with his arms crossed. The smile grows when you see him, not noticing the dilemma he was going through. “Good coffee?” You ask, falling into the chair next to him.
“I’ve made better.” The Doctor shrugs and you scrunch your face.
“No, you haven’t. Last time you tried making coffee at my house, you took the whole machine apart, insisting you were making it better, and then never put it back together. I don’t think I’ve ever even drank coffee you’ve made.” You chuckle and take a sip, making the Doctor wonder if it was just his coffee that was burnt or if you really didn’t mind the taste.
“Yeah, well I made it better.”
“You made it unusable, Doctor!” There’s a chuckle with your words but the Doctor rolls his eyes.
“I can fix it for you.” He offers and you raise your brows behind your sip of coffee before shaking your head.
“No reason.” You shrug. “I’m never home to use it, usually just make something on the TARDIS or pick up something along the way.” You shake the cup in your hand as the Doctor pushes his almost full cup in between his two hands.
He leans forward in his seat, a small smirk on his face. “Let’s get out of here.” He nods towards the door. “Go see the red crystalline caves of Karret or the black snow on Aborran, or just the farthest planet we can find.”
The destinations sounded nice, beautiful places you’d love to see with the Doctor, but the last one makes you tilt your head and chuckle lightly. “The farthest planet? What, are you avoiding someone?”
Yes, the Doctor thinks but just as he opens his mouth to completely lie, someone beats him to talking.
It was that barista, looking at you and holding out his hand. “You left this at the counter.” Your eyes slowly move off the Doctor and the man’s smile spreads when you look at him. You furrow your brows when you see his extended hand. “Can’t let a beautiful woman go without her change.”
You chuckle awkwardly and hold your hand out for the coins he gently slips into your hands, doing his best to make sure your fingers touch. With your appreciative smile at him, he walks away, leaving you and the Doctor.
The Doctor is quiet now, your question now forever remaining unanswered as you clear your throat. “Red crystalline caves?” You whisper and the Doctor nods. You quirk a brow and the Doctor smiles with you.
“Allons-y!” He takes you by the hand, making you drop your coins as he rushes you both of the shop.
---
“This doesn’t look like red crystalline caves, Doctor.” You put your hand on his shoulder and lean against him to grab the screen to see outside. “That’s my house.”
The Doctor tenses just a little underneath you and you grow confused before releasing him and stepping back. He wouldn’t look you in your eyes. “Yes, well, we seem to be making a quick pit stop before that.”
“A pit stop?” He hums a yes. “At my house?” He nods. You stare at him, well, the side of his face because he still won’t look at you. “There’s no red crystalline caves on Karret, is there?”
“What? Of course, there is!” He doesn’t know where you got that idea, but in truth, you were just trying to get him to look at you. He finally does.
But when he gets a glimpse of your smile, he’s looking away quickly.
“Doctor, what’s wrong?” You pry, putting a hand on his arm. At the touch, he glanced down.
“Nothing’s wrong.” You don’t believe him, why would you? You can tell when something’s wrong with your Doctor.
“Do you want me to go home, is that it?” The thought had crossed your mind briefly but the more and more you think about it, it made sense why the Doctor had brought you home.
“Of course not!”
“Then tell me!” You groan, clutching onto his arm once again. “What’s wrong with you today?”
This wasn’t how the Doctor wanted to tell you he liked you, after watching another man flirt in a coffee shop. He wanted to run away with you to the caves of Karret, to show you things only he could and maybe there, maybe he’d finally tell you. But the TARDIS wasn’t letting the two of you leave.
The Doctor takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. “I didn’t like that man calling you beautiful.”
“Why?” Your hold on his arm doesn’t disappear but it loosens greatly. “Because I’m not beautiful?”
“No. No!” He thought you were mad at him for making you assume that, but the teasing smirk on your face showed him that you in no way believed that statement. Neither did he, you not being beautiful was like the earth being flat.
“He was just flirting!” you chuckle and give his arm a gentle shake.
“But he was just flirting with you!”
You stop moving, your tiny smirk now gone as you clear your throat. “So, people aren’t allowed to flirt with me now, is that it?” you joke, hoping that the Doctor was trying- and failing- to say what you hope he was.
“Correct.”
“Why?” This time your voice was anything but joking. You needed to know if the Doctor was really trying to say… no, he couldn’t be, right?
“Because that should be me! I should be the one flirting with you, not him!”
“You?” Your voice betrays the slight shock you were trying to hide, but the Doctor was too busy arguing with himself to hear it. You take a quick breath and put your hands on your hips. “You wanna flirt with me? Fine, let’s see what you’ve got space-boy.” The Doctor looks taken back with the sudden change in the progression of your relationship and you do as well, but you weren’t backing down now. “Woo me.”
“Woo you?” You nod with a small smirk, “I’m not… I can’t just… you want me to flirt with you?”
“Well, I didn’t want him too!” You toss your hands in the air before letting them fall back on your hips, raising your brows expectedly at the Doctor. “He’s not the one I’ve been flirting with, you were!”
You might’ve said too much when the Doctor takes a step back in shock and looks away for the briefest of moments to think, but his eyes quickly find you again. “You were flirting with me?”
“Yeah, and apparently I’m really bad at it.” The laugh that follows your words do little to hide the nerves creeping in your mind and the Doctor can’t believe what he’s hearing. All this time he had been jealous of others getting with you when it could have been him getting with you and all he had to do was flirt with you! “Doctor, I was kidding about all that woo-ing me stuff.” He pull him from his internal screaming. “The last thing you should worry about is having to woo me.”
You turn your back to him, looking to the console to try and hide the flustered smile creeping up your lips before the Doctor pulls your hand, turning you back to face him and his body traps yours against the console all in one fluid motion. Your breath hitches and your eyes search his for any sign that he was just doing this for you, but instead the warmth you found pushing through his deep blue iris’ and you begin to realize that the Doctor already is woo-ing you, only he’s doing it silently. Who needs words to woo when you’re already in love with him?
“You know, the Red Crystalline caves is a hell of a place for a first date.” He whispers and slowly dips his head closer to yours.
Your chin tilts up and you bite your lip to keep from smiling or wide. “Oh, is it?” The Doctor nods, letting out a soft laugh and his breath tickles your face in warmth. The Doctor’s hand moves off the console to grip your hips as he tugs you even closer and your body willingly curls into his. It has to because the moment the Doctor’s lips hit yours, you thought your knees would give out if it wasn’t for his support. He holds you close, his hands once again moving to cup your face and wrap around your back as you drape yours over his shoulders, tangling and tugging on his messy hair.
When you separate, your foreheads find each other, standing in only the sounds of your matching breathes as the Doctor caresses your cheek with the pad of his thumb. It’s a breathy laugh you release first, turning your head slightly to kiss the inside of his hand before grabbing it and lowering it, but keeping it in your hold. The smile lighting up the Doctor’s face is brighter than any star he’s shown you and you made a vow to do your best to always see that smile.
The Doctor was in pure bliss. He never expected this day to go this way, but he would never complain. You- his favorite companion, his love, his Y/N- was in his arms and he no longer had to imagine what holding you would feel like. It felt like- well, it felt like home.
“So,” he whispers in the close space between the two of you, gripping your hand as tight, while still being comfortable, as he could. “Red crystalline caves?”
You nod, quickly pressing another kiss to his lips before slipping out of his arms and moving to pull the proper levers to get you both out of here. You glance over at the Doctor, only to see him still in his daze. You giggle. “You coming, Doctor?”
He looks at you, just studying your face for a moment before nodding and jumping your way, bumping your shoulder with his before he properly gets the two of you out of here.
He doesn’t question why the TARDIS brought you here first instead of Karret like he wanted. You seemed to forgot it happened once the Doctor and you kissed, but the Doctor has a guess. He believes deep, deep down that the TARDIS knew what both of you needed and instead of taking you both to the caves to forget about the possible conversation, she made a pit-stop. One that changed everything about the Doctor and your relationship for the better.
.
.
.
.
#tenth doctor x reader#tenth doctor imagine#tenth doctor fanfiction#tenth doctor#the doctor x reader#the doctor imagine#the doctor fanfiction#the doctor#doctor who#doctor who x reader#doctor who imagine#doctor who fanfiction#10th doctor x reader#10th doctor imagine#10th doctor fanfiction#10th doctor
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Hello so Idk if you still do match ups if you do please do this request i will really appreciate it. I wanted to ask for my bsd match up and for basic romantic and if possible nsfw that would make the really happy me😊
Appearance: I have dark brown(close to black) hair with dark brown eyes. I wear glasses and I am 5'6.
Mental issues: I have anxiety or call it trauma or whatever. Throughout my life I have been expected to live up to my parents and relatives expectations that I have forgot how my own personality was its like a facade now. I also have abandonment issues everyone I have ever given my best just used me and left me behind. I also lost my grandfather who was very close to me he die just after I left the house making me feel maybe If I was there i might have seen him for the last time. I also overthink a lot and it depends on the situations most of the times.
Personality: I'm quite the ambrivert I like to talk to people but only talks to the people I know most of the time or just go only to few new people. I an even temper person. I like adventures that will just make you scream fear though my parents rarely let me do them. I'm bisexual but prefer men more. I am bold and can control my emotions according to the situation. I love and absolutely adore murder mysteries and love weapons. I am goofy in nature or that is how friends describe me as. I care about those who are really close to me and I'm loyal to them as well. I love collecting black mail a out people and pranking them. I 'm also said to be a funny and dirty minded tease in my friend group. I'm very confident in what I can do and I remain calm in tough situations while thinking my plans through. My friends have told me that I am quite scary when I get mad which quite rare but they did said if I get mad all hell breaks lose. I'm also artistic. I'm am the chaotic mom in my friend group who does all the chaotic stuff and cares like a overprotective mom who will kill. I like to be alone when I'm sad but I love hanging out with my friends.
Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs
Format: Headcanons
Warnings: Nsfw content cuz you asked for it bae, Spoilers from the novel "Storm Bringer"
Word Count: 1.1K (I'm surprised didn't think it would be this long lmao)
A/n: I read your info and let me tell you, you really are a Dazai kinnie🚶🏻♀️
I match you with...
Chuuya Nakahara!
↳SFW
Ok first if all, you're going through a lot of shit lemme just give you a hug🥺💕It'll be ok...
btw you're female right? cuz if you're not then all I wrote for you was just a waste of time🚶🏻♀️
SO THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME BEING A SOUKOKU SHIPPER
But idk I think Chuuya would be a good match with someone with a personality similar to Dazai's, except for the mocking part cause it makes him insecure.
I think Chuuya used to be very anxious when he was a young, but he got over and learned to control it over time; So he relates to you. He knows what it feels like to constantly feel like something bad is about or happen, and he will try to help you feel better and learn how to control it like him, over time. He would tell you that it's ok and he's been there before, and you shouldn't overthink stuff cause you'll end up making a mess out of your mind. He will literally do anything to distract you from your problems, and would do all he can to help you solve them.
Abandonment issues? Well, Chuuya relates to you with his life. Almost everyone has left him behind, and it hurt him a lot though he always tries to hide it. His friends, Dazai, idk... They all betrayed him and he will never forget that. But Chuuya's loyalty has no boundaries. He will assure you that he'll stay by your side forever, through his words and actions. I don't think that you'll be scared of him leaving you once you spend time with him. He's loyal as fuck, so no worries on that. But please assure him that you're not going to leave him either; that you're different with those who used him and then left him behind like they've never knew each other before. He needs to know that.
If you've read the novel "Storm Bringer", you know that he relates to you about the death of your grandfather (I hope he rests in peace, I'm really sorry for your loss). Chuuya lost all his friends who were in a group with him in the mafia called "Flags" if I'm not mistaken. He didn't get to say goodbye to any of them... :")
You like adventures? So does he! Though you might not "Scream out of fear", because, well, you've got the strongest ability user with you. I see you guys going to multiple murder mystery parties on his day offs, and you'll definitely gonna Enjoy it because you get to see Chuuya's concentrated face which is rare to you cause he's always in a good mood, happy and smiling around you.
Lmao don't black mail Chuuya. He's a mafia executive girl. But I don't think he would know how to respond. I mean nobody dares to black mail him except for Dazai, and with embarrassing things, and also, you're his s/o; how is he supposed to react to this?
Ok when you're sad... Well, it is said that most girls want their man to comfort them even when they tell them to leave them alone, so Chuuya thinks you don't mean it when you ask him to give you some space and since he cares about you a lot, he tries to comfort you and ask you what's the problem, and that's when you snap out and tell him "YOU YOURE THE PROBLEM"
That's when you hurt his feeling and feel bad afterwards🚶🏻♀️
↳NSFW
So time for my favorite part-
Ok you have a dirty mind and you're probably into teasing too since you're a Dazai kinnie, so you make A LOT of dirty jokes to get him all flustered. At first his face gets all red and looks away so you don't see how much of a blushy mess you made him, but after a while, he gets used to it and will act out.
so youre like "Hm Chuuya, I wonder how you'd react when I scream your name while cumming on your tongue. Not that you're able to do that, since you're not that experienced"
I'm sorry I suck at dirty talking :')
You expect him to blush and just tell you to stop as always, but you see his lips curl up into a smirk and the next thing you know youre landing on the bed and he's on top of you, staring down at you with a smug look on his face.
"Oh really? Let's find out then"
You're like WHAT WHAT?
Ok so I believe that Chuuya is a virgin and you're probably his first one, but the man knows stuff. don't ask how, but he knows. And he's also a fast learner. He knows which parts will make you moan a little bit louder and where he should kiss and all due to your past sexes; And now that hes familiar with your most sensitive parts, HE'S GONNA MAKE YOU REGRET SAYING THAT.
HE'S GONNA MAKE YOU SQUIRT, AND NOT JUST ONCE
I AM TELLING YOU
I mean, Chuuya's short but we all know where his height went🚶🏻♀️
You're in missionary position, he's pounding into you with an unbelievable speed, staring at you with lust in his eyes while whispering dirty stuff in your ears which makes you blush even harder.
"Look at you doll, all shaking and needy for my cock. Where did your brattishness go, huh? You still think I can't make you scream like a cheap whore?"
Ahem, yes, he's into light degradation🚶🏻♀️
Gives the best orals. He will try to see how loud he can get you to moan by focusing on your clit, sucking it hard as his fingers thrust into you <3
Anyway when youre having trouble walking the next day,boy hes just so proud of himself.that sly smirk never comes off his face lmao
"So, I'm bad at sex, huh?" "Sh-shut up!"
Has really high stamina. I mean his body is so muscular and the guy is powerful af so-
BTW loves marking you up. Wants other people to know that you're his as he's kinda possessive, and he just likes to see a reminder of the wonderful night you had every time he looks at you.
Lmao idk why but I think you'll have sex on money too if you're into that cuz the man's REACHY REACHY REACH-
Anyway good choice if you wanna date him, because Chuuya is literally the best choice out of bsd men. He's not one to leave you and will treat you like a queen so... You're gonna be with each other till death tears you apart :) or you break up with him but we don't consider that🚶🏻♀️
I hope you like this and tysm for participating! btw if you ever wanted to talk about anything I'm hear for you <:
#My last match up post :>#AshTheMadWriter's 300 follower event#bsd x reader#bungou stray dogs x reader#bsd imagines#bungou stray dogs#bungou stray dogs headcanons#bsd headcanons#chuuya x reader#bsd match up#Chuuya x you#Chuuya x y/n#Nakahara Chuuya x reader#Chuuya Nakahara x reader#Chuuya imagines#Chuuya headcanons#Chuuya hcs#Chuuya fluff#AshTheMadWriter#Chuuya smut#Chuuya Nakahara smut#bsd smut#nakahara chuuya smut
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A Misunderstanding
PAIRING: Kuroo Tetsurou x Reader
GENRE: Angst | Hurt/Comfort | Reverse Comfort
WARNINGS: a lot of crying from both you and kuroo | cursing | mentions of sex | cheating (kind of? youll know when reading) | angst | mentions of drinking/being drunk | nothing is suggestive!! oh ya yall are married btw
WORD COUNT: 3k
A/N: ok ik this is long but this idea came from literally nowhere but i decided to write it thank you @combat-wombatus for helping me you helped put ideas in my brain<333 now i wasnt originally going for a happy ending but im really bad at angst so enjoy the shitty ending :)
“Please, Y/n, you know I didn't mean it,” he pleaded, his large hands desperately grabbing at your form while you push him away, your breaking sobs making his heart shatter. “Please, baby, don’t leave me,” he begs, falling on his knees in front of your trembling body, not being able to tear his eyes off of your heartbroken ones. He needed you to stay. He needed to show you that he isn’t that guy and that he would do anything for you. It was a one time thing. He wasn’t even sober. It wasn’t him. It was the alcohol. He wasn’t thinking straight. Please forgive him, please, please, please.
But you couldn’t. No matter how hard or how much you loved him and wanted to, the pain that ripped at your heart every time you looked at him was too much to bear. So you didn’t. You turn your blurry, glassy eyes away from him as he grabs your hand and forces it into his; your lips quivering and knees shaking. You couldn’t keep the betrayal and agony inside, whining and weeping at him, your knees giving out before your legs slam against the floor, your head near the carpet as you try and keep your affliction at bay.
“Y/n, please,” he whines, tears streaming down his pale cheeks; his admission of his unfaithfulness drained the color from his face. “Please forgive me, I need you, I love you so much.”
“W-” you sniffle, not knowing what to say. You knew you didn’t have to say anything at all, that you didn’t owe him any words, but you just...you just needed to know. “Why,” your voice quivered and cracked, your throat sore, “why did you,” you take a long breath, grabbing your chest to try and stop the heartache, the sudden cramp that formed where it used to be filled with warmth and love, “do this to me? With her?” You look up at him once with wide, searchful eyes as you ponder the reasons and look for the answers in his empty pupils.
“I wasn’t thinking straight, baby, I didn’t know what I was doing, please,” his voice stammers, trying to get you to understand that he really didn’t know what he was doing. “I would never do this to you, I-” “But you did.” Your tone is no longer sad and confused, but angry and fed up. His head backing up quickly, not expecting the response. “You made a promise, Tetsurou, remember?” You glare at him with menacing eyes as you hold up the very finger he kissed and placed the ring on on your wedding day. The beautiful diamond ring that had his initials carved in the interior and little gorgeous jewels that made the walls sparkle once hit with the hot sun was no more; the dark, gloomy piece of rock and metal meaning nothing but lies and mistrust.
“No, Y/n, please. Don’t do this to me,” he adjures guiltily.
“Don’t do this to you?” Your voice laced with deadly venom, standing and backing up, wiping your mouth with your hand in annoyance, placing it on your hip. “You did this to me! You did this to us! You went out! You got drunk! You fucked someone else! And not even a random girl! No! You just had to fuck your ex!” Your voice cracked again before you inhaled sharply and covered up your struggle.
“Y/n, I didn’t know what I was doing!”
“And that’s an excuse?? What, so now you can go fuck whoever you want and say ‘I didn’t know what I was doing!’” you mimic, “so you can get away with it every time?”
He didn’t answer. He looked at the ground, understanding exactly where you came from.
“Hm? Are you gonna answer me, or sit there like a coward?”
He could tell fully well you were just saying this because you were hurt. You didn’t mean any of it. You loved him. No matter what, you will always love him. Trusting him was out of the box for a while, maybe forever. But he can’t lose you. He knew you were soulmates- he knew you were made for each other. There was a reason you guys made it this far and only had big problems now. He needed to find that reason and use it for himself to win you back. He needed you back.
“I’m sorry,” he apologizes, your dramatic hand gestures coming to a halt at his words, your figure coming to a stand still as you wait for him to finish. “You don't deserve this. You don’t deserve me. Please know that it was a mistake and that I’ll never do it again ever, ever, ever,” he repeats, wanting it to sound as sincere as he means. “Just please give me a chance to make this up to you, please don’t leave me by myself without you,” he sobs out, putting his head in his hands.
You knew you shouldn’t feel bad for him. But god-fucking-dammit are you feeling bad for him. You knew you still loved him, you knew he still loved you- that much was obvious. You couldn’t see him for a while, no. Could you guys work it out? Maybe stitch the wound? Wait until the scar is barely visible anymore? Would that even work?
“Tetsurou,” a single, hot tear dripping down your face as you point to the ground. “I don’t know if I can ever trust you again.”
“I know, I know, just please give me a chance to help fix this!” He cries at your feet, his body bundled in a ball of self hatred and guilt. “I can do it, baby. I can help things go back to normal.”
“I don’t think they ever will be normal again.”
He whines, trying to negotiate with you as much as he can. “Let me fix us. Let me give you my everything again, let me show you that I’m all yours and no one else's, please,” he moans in anticipation for rejection, knowing the chances of you agreeing were next to zero.
The next few hours are silent. Him alone in the bedroom. Crouching on the floor as he ponders your possible answer. You work in the kitchen, making food to satisfy your appetite. He could hear your sniffles from the bedroom and picture you wiping your tears as you carry the pots on the stove. God, he was the biggest piece of shit ever known. What the fuck went through his mind when he was fucking his ex? He only remembers some of it, them waking up in bed together after, only wearing undergarments underneath the sheets and him holding her waist as if she were you. He thought they had ended on good terms, knowing that they were better as friends. He rushed out the door, not being able to stay in the same room without getting sick. He knew what he had to do.
He opens the door to the living room, a slight creak gaining your attention as you stir the sauce in the pan. Your eyes are puffy, your lip still trembling as you try to turn away from him. He only takes about two steps forward before he stops, trying to find the words he wants to say.
“Listen, I know you said you needed time, and I’m not rushing you at all whatsoever. I want to give you all the time in the world to think this over. If you need, I can go to Kou’s house and stay there for a while. He won’t mind. I just want to give you the space you deserve.”
You nod in response, your head still facing away before he whispers an “I love you” before he slips out of the apartment.
~.~.~.~
The next few days were tortue. Not being able to sleep in the same bed he would sleep in with you, not being able to watch the same tv shows, not being able to even be in his presence at least once a day like you used to melted a hole of despair inside you: eating away at your emptiness, taking away the numbness that you so desperately needed right now. The feeling came back- the one that you tried shutting out three hours ago. It crept up at you, flipping your stomach and weighing your lungs down to the floor, your throat sore and dry. Your eyes wet with a blurry wall as your tears build up once again, missing your cheeks as you crouch down looking at the floor, falling on the tile. The droplets containing your anguish splatter on the ground, your raggedy whimpers echoing throughout the vacant apartment, making it all the more obvious he wasn’t there.
Knock knock knock
Was that the door?
Your wide, unbelieving eyes turned to the wooden door frame; the knocks getting louder and faster. You quickly stand up and try to collect yourself, preparing to have a long talk with Tetsurou. You grab the handle, turning it- the door opening with a tiny creak.
Oh.
“Hi! Kuroo left his jacket at the party the other day, is he here?”
Oh, that bitch.
“No. He’s not.” You deadpan, not finding her cheery, happy expression amusing.
“Oh no! Uh, well, here, can you give this back to him for me?”
“Stop smiling at me like you aren’t part of the reason he’s gone.” You snark, glaring at her with sharp eyes as she backs up, confused.
“W-what?”
“You heard me. Don’t act fucking clueless.”
“Excuse me? Who are you to talk to m-”
“Oh, cut the shit,” you roll your eyes, “I know you slept with Tetsurou, you don’t need put on whatever the fuck this is,” you gesture at her.
“What the hell are you talking about? What are you, fucking crazy?” Your eyes narrow in confusion, your disgusted scowl lessening at her words.
“Right. You probably don’t remember because you were blacked out,” you add sarcastically. “He told me what you guys did. Now you know. So, I would love it if you would just leave.”
“What are you- Me and Kuroo didn’t do shit last night. I drank like two beers and was hanging out with another girl the entire time,” she explains, looking offended. Your face loosens into an expression she couldn’t read. “He blacked out early and passed out on the couch while I was busy talking with the other girl.”
“Huh?” You whisper, your disoriented thoughts not aligning to a proper conclusion.
“I didn’t go to bed until like,” she thought back, “I don’t know, three in the morning? There were people passed out on the floor so I decided to take the guest bedroom with her. I was still awake when Kuroo came into the room, I’m guessing because he thought it was yours, based off of how he kept mumbling your name and shit,” she exhales, “he grabbed onto me once he got in and just clung.” You glower at her, huffing. She sees this, sighing before continuing, “Calm down, remember nothing happened. Remember that girl? She ended falling off the bed because I was scooting away from his clingy ass.” You look at her blankly, trying to fit the pieces together. “She ended up leaving the party completely,” she mumbled in embarrassment before you speak up.
“Then why did he tell me you guys had sex?” You mutter quietly, although assuming she heard since her head backed up while she quickly scoffs.
“I swear to God, that man. Listen.” You look up into her eyes- her genuine eyes. “Me and Kuroo didn’t do a single thing. I didn’t do anything to him and he didn’t do anything to me. I’ll have a conversation with him later because he is an absolute dumbass,” she breathed.
What the fuck?? You were just supposed to believe her?
“How am I supposed to believe that?”
“Me and him ended a long time ago. I don’t like him like that and I haven’t for a while. And seeing he was bragging about you the entire time at the party, he’s over me, too. Besides, I’m not even into guys that much anymore anyways,” she grinned and winked at you. The shock and realization hit you like a truck. She wasn’t even- oh my God. She chuckled at your expression; you ran away from her to the counter to get your phone, quickly unlocking it and tapping on Tetsurou’s contact.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” you mumble over and over. To tap the call button, listening to it ring as you bring your phone up to your ear, hearing him pick up the phone almost immediately after.
“Y/n? Are you okay?” He sounded worried. It’s only been about a week, he had hoped that you weren’t going to leave him.
“Get over here, right now, Tetsurou.” Your voice made it seem like it was urgent, so he quickly picked up his jacket from the couch, and you could hear the jingling of his keys as he grabbed them and opened the door, almost slamming it shut once he left.
~.~.~.~
“Y/n?” He asked at the open front door, wondering why it wasn’t closed. “Y/n, you have to be careful and close the door, we have them for a reason, you know,” he said as he walked in. Even after being at the line of a break-up, he still cares for your well-being. He didn’t even do anything wrong and he was still caring for you as a loved one should. He always did everything to make you feel comfortable and safe, so once he knew that he had slept with his ex he was completely devastated to his core. He didn’t want to do this to you, but you had the right to know.
“Tetsu.” You called. Already back to nicknames? This is good, right?
“Yes? Y/n?” He was scared, to say the least, feeling awkward and not knowing what to do. He walked scarcely towards your figure sitting on the couch, not caring to drop his keys and jacket on the counter. He had a feeling this might go wrong.
“We need to talk.” Shit. This is exactly what he didn’t want to hear. Hearing those words he couldn’t help but think that you were going to make him pack his stuff and go. “So, I talked with your ex.” You speak slowly, not wanting your words to come out wrong. You don’t want him to take any of this in a bad way at all. Yet his eyes widen drastically, his heartbeat racing and his nerves pricking him. “You are just one big dummy, aren’t you?”
What? What are you talking about?
“What?”
“You didn’t sleep with her. She told me everything that happened that night. She’s not even into guys anymore. Tetsu-”
This couldn’t be happening. Not only did he accuse himself of cheating, he accused himself of cheating with his ex, and that he cheated with his ex at a party, while you two are married. And then it turns out it wasn’t true? What the hell was wrong with him? He jeopardized your entire relationship because he was too drunk to know what was going on.
“Wait, what?” He yells, angrily sitting down on the couch, “so you’re telling me-” you nodded and hummed an ‘mhm’ in response. His hands find their way to his hair, pulling at the roots and scratching his scalp, his low grunts of pain and fury seeping out of his throat as he frustratingly comprehends what he just did.
You rush over to him, grabbing his wrists and pushing them down to his lap as fast as you can, making his eyes find their way to your blown out pupils. You can see the hot tears prickle down his cheek as he frowns at you, completely and utterly defeated.
“Tetsu, I don’t want you to hurt yourself, it’s okay,” you reassure, giving him a happy smile. He wanted to smile back, but he couldn’t control the broken sob that escaped him. “Hey, hey,” you try to grab his attention as he pulls his head down, crying. “It’s okay, baby, it’ll be okay.” You wrap your arms around his head, protecting him as you softly coo and ‘shh’ him quietly in his ear. ‘I’m sorry’ kept coming out of his mouth as he clinged to you, not being able to help his want to be closer to you. The realization that he just almost broke your heart completely and he had worried about divorce for this shit made him want to just rip his scalp out. He was so stupid. So, so so, stupid. “Tetsu, look at me, please. Look at me,” you whisper, bringing your hand to his chin, dragging it up so you could catch sight of his hazel irises. His eyes red and puffy, his cheeks wet and his eyes droopy, you couldn’t do anything but frown at the sight. He hated himself right now, not wanting to face the embarrassment and the humiliation of the situation.
“You don’t deserve me, I’m so sorry,” he whimpered in your arms, gripping them tighter and tighter for comfort- you knowing that he needed it right now. You had already pulled him into your chest, feeling his wet tears soak your shirt, your hands rubbing his back and your fingers gently grazing his throbbing scalp.
“It’s okay, I forgive you, Tetsu, you did the right thing by telling me you did it instead of hiding it from me, and then it turns out you didn’t do it at all.” Your cheeks start to feel hot, and you don’t even realize your sniffles until you could feel a dam break at your water line. You couldn’t stop them, the tears of relief. You didn’t want to stop them. You were glad that they were her, glad that they were for him, glad they were because you knew the truth, glad because you knew you two would be okay.
You looked back at your ring, watching it bloom like a flower in the spring, the meaning coming back to your marriage. It wasn’t just metal and rock anymore, it was a gorgeous promise.
“I love you, Tetsurou. Don’t forget that. You’re staying with me, alright?” you whisper into his hairline.
“Thank you,” he cries.
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Bestie pls can I have some Chameron headcanons?? I'm desperate honestly it's a problem. You don't have to btw.
bestie. of course. my old newsies mutuals may have noticed that i do this thing where i enter a fandom and suddenly i can only talk about one specific ship, yeah that ship here happens to be chameron and i am always more than happy to talk about them.
let's just do some nice happy headcannons today bc a couple days ago i wrote a fic about charlie leaving welton and i've decided i officially need a break from angst, alright
IN FACT YOU KNOW WHAT let's make them post-welton !!!!!! y'know after all the poets including neil graduate and keating never gets fired as always since that is the canon ending of the movie, nothing bad happens ever.
okay so.
charlie and cameron have been rooming together since year 1, it's kinda the end of an era that they're now both supposed to move into separate apartments and they're both really sad about it but refuse to say anything
you think this wouldn't be a problem for two people who have been dating for a year and shared a dorm since they were children, so they can easily move in together, but this is charlie and cameron communication kings so obviously they're being stubborn and aren't saying anything
and they just spend their last weeks at welton all like
"yeah yeah i wonder who's gonna help you find your stuff when you're not living with me anymore,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,cause like you won't. in a few weeks you won't."
"come on stop studying and talk to me i'm bored" "well soon you won't be able to talk to me whenever you want. because i will be in a different place. like i'll no longer be around 24/7."
"you know you better treasure these last moments you get to see me. cause after we graduate who knows when you'll see me again,,,,," "okay, charlie that's a little dramatic, you're not leaving the country-" "i'll be gone, cam, very soon. forever." "you won't be-" "i mean god knows where i'll be-"
it ends up being charlie who asked (i wrote about that here !) and so we have charlie and cameron sharing an apartment :)
both of them get into harvard because,,, that's welton boys for you of course literally the entire school makes the ivy league. cameron's literally smart as shit he can make whatever school he wants and charlie,,, well charlie has a lot of money.
i'm kidding i'm kidding, charlie's no doofus and attending welton is already a good look for any university, charlie can definitely make harvard on his own if he could survive welton but y'know being filthy rich wasn't exactly a disadvantage
charlie will always show cameron off all like "my boyfriend goes to harvard you know !!!!!!!!" and cameron's like "char,,,, so do you,,,,,,,"
but y'all don't care about who goes where i'm aware of this, let's get into the apartment shenanigans
okay, sharing a dorm for years in welton definitely had its advantages because there's none of those annoying habits of someone's you only start noticing after you're under the same roof, like leaving their clothes on the floor or playing music too loudly, they're already aware of all that stuff, they don't care anymore
they do have their own rooms now, but it doesn't matter a lot because they keep just falling asleep together on the couch.
most of the time cameron will just wake up in the middle of the night and attempt to take charlie to his room but he's learned overtime that charlie will just whine and complain until he stays with him so he ends up just taking him to his own room in the first place
slowly it becomes less "cameron's room" and more "their room", the other room just kinda stays there.
cameron is a GOD TIER cook we'e been over this but somehow they only take advantage of that skill of his on really??? questionable occasions?????
like they'll order chinese from the place down the street for dinner but if cameron wakes up to find charlie in the kitchen at 3 am munching on a piece of toast he'll be like "okay let's make some onion soup."
midnight snacks are for amateurs. here we have midnight meals.
they bake together a lot, though. whenever they find time cameron will just whip out a recipe and they'll bake something together, and they'll be very couple-y and disgusting while doing it too
of course it always resorts in them making a big mess
"charlie. charie stop putting your hands in the brownie mix."
"okay, fine."
"charlie, your hand's still in there, stop it."
"or else what, what're you gonna d- WH- DID YOU JUST THROW AN EGG AT ME WHAT THE FUCK"
then they'll have to spend the entire afternoon cleaning up the kitchen
"what're you laughing about now, dalton?"
"you have flour on your cheek."
"and whose fault is that?"
"stop being annoying, you're cute right now"
"oh yeah?"
"mhm, yeah."
cameron overworks himself a lot and a lot of times charlie will get up late at night to find him still studying
he'll always go up to him like "cam, tf. it's four in the morning. come to bed."
"i just have to get this finished."
"well, okay, i'll just stay up with you until you go to sleep."
"charlie that's not healthy you need to-,,,,,,,,,,oh you're evil, dalton, threatening me with your own well-being."
"damn right i am, now go to sleep."
okay we all know charlie. we know how he is. so it's no surprise to anyone that it didn't take long for him to bring a random stray animal into the house
cameron just comes back from class to see charlie with a tiny ginger car.
"cam, you're back-"
"nope. not happening, take it back."
"hey, it is a she, and i love her now."
"no, no you don't, she's going back."
"i can't i'm attached to her! look at her! she's adorable, she's my new favorite ginger."
",,,,,, okay now she's definitely going back."
she did not go back.
charlie named her arabella and cameron insisted she was annoying and always wanted attention and wouldn't let him study
"hey, you said the exact same things about me and you love me now, give her time!"
"i don't love you right now."
"well, i love you a lot. and i love her too, she's part of the house now."
",,,,,,,god, fine, you're lucky you're my weakness. i'll tolerate her."
one time charlie returned from class to find cameron sleeping on the couch with arabella on his lap.
he never hears the end of it once he's awake
"so, how's hating her going for you, richard?"
"shut up, she's warm."
"so you no longer despise my cat? because she's warm?"
"first of all she's our cat i don't clean cat fur all over the house for her to be your cat and,,,, she's not all that bad."
#🩹 jace's hcs#i love them a lot#they're literally so stupid <3#dps#dead poets society#i just almost tagged this dehli public school#richard cameron#charlie dalton#chameron
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are you bored yet. (jj maybank)
hey everyone ! basically this is my first time writing for jj, or anyone from obx in general. this is a side acc from my main acc that i made purely bc this fic idea came to me when watching obx and after listening to the wallows on repeat for weeks. idk i just thought the song was kinda fitting for jj, and im a sucker for soft ! jj with a friends to lovers arc, so here this is. it's quite a long one btw, the words just kept flowing so i apologise in advance. also i have a few more fic ideas based off some songs so if you like this and are interested in more pls let me know ! im probably gonna be writing a lot more for this boy bc i adore him. anyways i hope u enjoy !
warnings: features swearing, mention of sex, underage drinking, drug use and violence.
summary: based lightly off the song 'are you bored yet?' by the wallows ft clairo, reader and jj delve deeper into their relationship, taking the steps further into becoming something more than best friends. however worries and doubts begin to plague their minds, as they fear their relationship of becoming just a memory.
( gif isn't mine! please let me know if it's yours so i can credit you. )
"What are you doing later?" You looked towards Kie who'd directed the question towards you, her eyes squinting from the sun that was grinning down at your forms from where you were both seated on the sand.
"Dunno," you shrugged your shoulders. "Probably hanging out with J or something."
Kiara scoffed, a mocking look taking over the features of her face as her head turned towards yours, your eyebrows raising at the sly smirk on her lips. "What?" You questioned, narrowing your eyes when all she did was laugh. You shifted in your place, body moving from laying on your back to on your stomach, figuring it was about time to switch positions for your tan anyway. "Seriously Kie, what're you laughing about?"
She shifted along with you, only laying on her right side so she could face you head on, her hand propping her head up from the ground. She was still grinning. "JJ," she said simply. You raised your eyebrows at her once more, seemingly not understanding what she was trying to get at. "What's going on with you two?" Kie pushed on when you didn't respond, her own eyebrows inching further up her forehead.
In the distance you could hear the boys' screams, their commotion coming from the water you had passed on entering. You could hear JJ taunting John B from where you lay, Pope laughing along, and the splashes that you could only assume were also coming from them. You never spared them a glance, though from the corner of your eye could see their figures and indeed the loud splashes of water were coming from them, and you were certain JJ was holding John B underneath the water.
"Nothing's going on," you said in response to Kie's question, rolling your eyes playfully at her exclaim of 'oh c'mon!'. "What? It's the truth. Nothing is going on, not really."
Kie furrowed her brows. "What do you mean by 'not really'? Did something happen between you two?" She prodded.
You shrugged, because in all honesty you couldn't say much of anything about your relationship with JJ. You were just as unsure about it all as Kie and more than likely the rest of the gang were (because if Kie had picked up on it than surely Pope and John B had too, and you were kind of freaking about it.) and had no idea what to say in her line of questioning. Of course you wanted to talk about it, you and the Pogues never kept secrets from each other - but was it really a secret when they technically knew about it anyway, and was it really a secret when you and JJ hadn't even spoken about keeping it a secret too? Your mind raced, and you figured it was easier to just shrug it off for the time being. Kie would no doubt ask again, and you hoped you had the answers by the next time she (or someone else) would.
"He's my best friend," you'd decided on saying. From the corner of your eye, you could see the guys approaching. "We've been close since we were like, ten. We've always been the same."
Except now the two of you held hands under the table and kissed in the safety of your rooms, among other things. That part of your relationship was fairly new though, and so you decided against saying anything until you could work out exactly what was going on between you and JJ - because you had no clue, and weren't even sure that JJ knew himself. It just sort of happened, the line being crossed over from friends to lovers in the blink of an eye. One minute you'd never dare to give in to the temptation of JJ Maybank's heavenly sinful lips, and the next the pair of you were sharing a bed almost every night.
Nothing much had changed though, in regards to your friendship. JJ and you had always been close, always intimate in your touches. Always beside each other, rarely without the other. You were an unstoppable duo from the minute you met. Just somehow, along the line, over the years, your friendship had turned into more. Each touch became longer, each glance would linger, and something had shifted. It was inevitable, you supposed. Nobody was ever really that close with someone without feelings getting involved at some point.
The guys were a lot closer now, and Kie spared them a glance before looking back towards you. "Friends don't look at each other the way you two do." Was all she said before the sun that was earlier shining down on you was blocked by the trio of tall guys that smiled at the pair of you. Kie sat up, smiling as Pope took a seat beside her on her towel. "Have fun out there?"
"Oh, tons," came the voice that belonged to the person you were talking about not a minute ago. JJ smirked down at you, blonde hair dripping wet on his forehead and golden tanned chest on full show. You admired the view behind your sunglasses and sent a grin in his direction when he seemed to notice. "You checking me out there, babe?"
You laughed as he did a little shimmy, rolling your eyes as you looked at him over the rim of your glasses. "What would you do if I was, Maybank?" You played along, smirking when you heard John B let out a gag from somewhere beside you. JJ smiled back, and squatting down in front of your form he'd grabbed hold of your feet, laughing when you squealed. Tugging so that you were laying on your back rather than your front, his sea blue eyes gazed down your body, unknowingly leaving a trail of fire in its wake. The feeling you shared with JJ was unlike any other, nothing or nobody could come close to topping it. It was unexplainable, the feeling of absolute longing for him to just be there forever. You couldn't ever imagine a life without him in it, and that thought both scared and excited you.
JJ stared down at you, tongue peeking from his mouth to wet his pink lips as he looked. You felt hot all over and you knew it wasn't because of the sun. "Things only you could imagine sweetheart," he taunted from above you, knowing fine well that what you could imagine he'd probably already done to you. You smirked back, feeling a thrill shoot through you because the pair of you knew this and the remaining three of your group had no idea, or so you believed. This new relationship, this unspoken thing between the two of you was simply yours, and somewhere in the future you feared you'd both come to regret it, whatever it was, but in the moments of the present you knew neither of you could find it in yourselves to actually care.
And so you both smiled at each other like the world around you didn't exist, and for a couple of seconds you could pretend it didn't, JJ moving so he was seated behind you with your body seated between his legs and your back against his chest. Sat there, surrounded by your friends though almost oblivious to their presence as JJ's hands rested on your skin, his breath on your neck. You leaned into him, and smiled when he placed a discreet kiss to your shoulder.
Locking eyes with him, you grinned. The burst of happiness and content when he grinned back was almost unbearable, and in that moment you knew you never wanted whatever it was that you two shared to end.
It was a few days later when JJ showed up at your window, his face bloody and bruised, his form weak as he pulled himself into your bedroom. You didn't need to ask twice about who'd caused the damage, your body and mind going into autopilot as you hurried from your bed and grabbed hold of him, JJ grunting as he fell into you, his hand clutching desperately at his side.
"Shit, JJ," you'd cursed as you helped him land on your bed, hands instantly grabbing at his face and assessing the damage that had been left by his father. There was cuts along his brow line, his eye was bruised and already swollen shut, his bottom lip bust open and oozing blood. Your thumbs swiped along his cheeks, being careful of the injuries, and you felt tears pricking at your eyes at the sight of him. You blinked them away as quickly as you could, he didn't need to see you being so upset in that moment. And besides, you had bigger issues like getting him cleaned up like you had done too many times before. "Stay here, okay. I'm gonna go get the first aid kit."
JJ only grunted, and you pressed a kiss to his forehead before leaving the room to get the kit, your mind reeling. It was no secret about JJ's father and his years of abuse towards his own son, and you'd seen him beaten so badly so many times before, but it never got any easier. Each time it happened JJ would wound up at your house, and each time you would clean him up, making sure his wounds were tended to and making him as comfortable as possible as he slept next to you, most nights with his head resting on your chest as you soothed him to sleep with whispers of reassurance that you were there and that you loved him. He would fall asleep with tears staining his cheeks and you would cry yourself to sleep afterwards too, wishing that could just take away all his pain, wishing that you could do more, wishing that JJ had a better life than what he was given, because there was no-one that deserved it more.
You sniffed and forced your tears away, trying to focus on the task at hand. It didn't take long to locate the first aid kit and within a minute you were back in your bedroom, where JJ lay, staring up at your ceiling with his chest moving up and down in a motion that proved he was trying to hold his own tears in. Your heart broke at the sight, and you bit down on your wobbling lip as you moved towards him. His eyes met yours when you were close enough, stood in front of him on your bed. You smiled softly.
"Hey, honey," you soothed as he slowly sat up, grimacing at the obvious pain from his side as he did so. Despite his pain, he smirked back at you.
"Hi, baby."
Stepping closer, effectively between his legs, you smiled as his hands wound around and grabbed at your legs, almost as if he was grounding himself, focusing all his attention onto you. You took a moment to take him in as you pressed the wet rag you'd also grabbed on his face, beginning to clean the cut on his eyebrow. It wasn't too deep, thank god, you thought. You feared for the day where one cut might be too deep and one blow too strong, and the thought of JJ, strong and hot headed and impulsive and passionate, might not being able to drag himself out of the house of hell and getting to anyone for help, to you, to John B, to Pope or Kie, scared the shit out of you to put it simply. JJ was so strong, but there was only so much he could take, and you dreaded the day when that would come. You could only hope it never, and in the meantime do your best to prevent it. You let out a shaky breath as you continued to clean the blood from his face, gently dabbing at his torn lip as he hissed. "I'm sorry hon," you murmured, feeling your gut twist at the sight of him in pain.
"I'm okay," he breathed out, only it was shaky and you both knew it to be a lie. You said nothing though, not wanting to start an argument that night. You'd had countless in situations like these, where you'd tell him he needs to get away from his dad and he'd tell you its not that easy and that nothing fucking is on this island, and you'd try and tell him you understand that but you hate seeing him like that, beaten to a pulp, sometimes barely even able to move, and that you were scared to lose him. He'd tell you that you were too good for him, you deserved better, you deserved more, and you'd cry and tell him to shut up, that he was your best friend and all you ever needed and you'd always be there for him, and he would shake his head and deny it all with tears streaming down both your faces until you collapsed into each other and fell asleep with your limbs intertwined whatever mood you'd gone to sleep in. There was something about that night that told you not to argue, not to push him, just clean him up and hold him and let him know that he wasn't alone in this world. His eyes met yours once more. "I'm okay." He repeated, as if you hadn't heard him the first time.
All you could do was nod, and wiping the last bit of blood from his face, you quickly went over the cuts with disinfectant, JJ's grip tightening on the backs of your legs as you continued to tend to every last bit of him. Finishing on his face, you placed a kiss on each and every cut, bruise or scrape that was etched into his skin. He let out a shaky breath, one hand moving up and landing on your back, rubbing up and down as his forehead rested on your shoulder. Running your own hands through his blonde locks, you pressed your nose to the top of his head as you held him close to you. It wasn't long before you felt the tears soak through the material of your shirt (which was technically JJ's shirt, but that didn't matter much.) and his body started to shake against your own, chest heaving and hands shaking.
"I hate him," you heard him mutter. You closed your eyes, wrapping your arms around him tighter, one hand clutching the back of his neck as the other rubbed soothing patterns onto his back. JJ shook against you, hands clutching onto the sides of your shirt as his lips brushed against the side of your neck as he let out a sob. "I just - I fucking hate him! Why does he do this, why does he -? Why, why, why?"
He was muttering the word over and over again, all sense of himself lost as he sobbed into your neck. In that moment, you felt so useless, so powerless, and you knew that JJ did too. You wished you could take away all his pain, make him see that he was so loved, that you loved him entirely and surely, but all you could do in that moment was hold him tight and screw your eyes shut as you cried along with him.
"He doesn't deserve you, J," you whispered into his hair. "He doesn't deserve you one bit. You're the best son, okay. You're the best friend, the best goddamned person on this island, on this planet! You're so loved, you hear me? You're so loved, babyboy. We all love you, I love you okay. I love you more than anything."
You'd said the words a million times before, but somehow in that moment, wrapped up in each other, JJ sobbing into your chest and you holding him like a person would a child, his ear resting against your heart where he could hear every little beat, his own matching the rhythm soon after - in that moment, _you both knew it meant more. That the friendly shared 'love you's' from so many times before were different to the ones now, and yet still neither of you spoke about it. You focused on JJ, giving him the comfort he so desperately needed. And JJ focused on you, focused on your heartbeat and the sound of your breathing and the soothing words you were whispering to him, and you had no clue as to what he was thinking; that he loved you, so fucking much. JJ Maybank didn't know what to do with that, to love someone so completely and honestly like he loved you, beyond the point of friendship and into the unknown territory of _in-love _absolutely _terrified him. But he knew it to be true, he was in love with you.
And as you forced him to take his shirt off so you could inspect the bruises surrounding his stomach and chest, laying a gentle kiss onto each and every one of them as he started at you with pure adoration in his eyes, he thought about your relationship - fears of you getting bored of him, wanting more than the island life and more than him, fears of you leaving him for something or someone simply more. Realising that he was no good like he'd always said, always suspected. But then you gazed at him with a certain glint in your eyes that he knew was reflecting in his own, and you were pressing your lips to his in a soft caress that dimmed all thoughts from his head and the question of 'are you bored yet?' fell flat on his lips as you ate them, chewed it up and spat it straight back out.
That conversation could come later, he supposed.
JJ's jaw clenched as he took in the sight of you, skin glowing in the late night sun that was slowly fading in the moons advance. The kegger had begun only an hour or so before, and yet the beach was filled with people already - varying of Pogues, Tourons and Kooks.
Among them all was you, red cup placed in your hands as you laughed at something the guy in front of you was saying, a small smile on the boys lips as he watched you. JJ felt something twist in his gut, suddenly feeling nauseous as he was stood a bit away from you, taking in the sight with malice in his blue eyes. He didn't know the guy that much was for sure, which could only mean one thing; he was definitely a Touron. That also probably meant that he was one of the few people at the party that didn't know JJ or anything of his reputation for being a bit too hot headed. JJ couldn't decide if that was a good or bad thing.
"Dude," John B slapped a hand on his shoulder, effectively snapping his trance at the pair across the beach. JJ turned towards his best friend, a smirk on John B's lips as their eyes met. "You're gonna poke holes into that guys head the way you're glaring at him man."
JJ rolled his eyes, his head once again moving to look back towards your figure. You didn't look mad at the attention the guy was giving you, and that sent a trail of fury in JJ's veins. "Who is that guy, man?" He asked instead of replying to John B's playful taunts. John B seemed to take note of that and simply shook his head. Fucking clueless, he thought.
"Dunno," John B replied as he took a swig of the beer in his hands. "Some Touron, probably." He glanced at his best friends face and noticed the glare darken in JJ's eyes. He suddenly shifted, blocking his view of you and the guy, ignoring JJ's grunt of displeasure at his move. "Don't start anything, J. Alright?"
JJ scoffed. "Me?" He chuckled darkly. "Nah man, you know I'd never start anything," he patted John B's chest twice. "I'm not the fighting type." JJ knew that John B could make out the sarcastic drawl to his words, and looking away from the brunette's eyes JJ was glancing back at you. His features shifted dramatically as he saw the guy take a step closer to your body, and despite the somewhat uncomfortable smile on your face you never seemed to object to the move. JJ felt the anger in his veins grow. "Fuck this!"
John B stopped him before he could take another step, shoving his chest so that he stumbled backwards. "Don't even think about it," JB warned. From afar, Pope seemed to take notice of the two and began to walk towards the seething blonde and his brunette best friend. "Pope, man tell him," John B practically pleaded as the most level headed of the group arrived at their side. It didn't take long for Pope to realise what the source of JJ's anger was, spotting you and the guy, completely oblivious to what was going on. "What are you planning on doing, huh?"
"He's all over her," JJ simply said - as if that was enough of an excuse for his anger. Pope and John B shared a glance. "I'm just gonna go over there and see if she's alright, alright?"
"Why do you care if he's all over her?" Pope raised his eyebrows. "You're not her boyfriend."
That faltered JJ's stance, and for a split second he looked away from you - still laughing, both hands gripping the cup in your hands, bikini clad top on full show for unwelcome eyes to wander. He clenched his jaw tighter, teeth clashing in his mouth, as he thought about Pope's words. Was it technically true; wasn't he your boyfriend? He didn't know - neither of you did. You hadn't spoken about anything, the changes in your relationship coming almost naturally so that neither of you cared to at first.
First, there was the no Pogue-on-Pogue macking rule. Second, there was something so deliciously thrilling about keeping your relationship from everyone else - no room for drama or prying eyes, or so he thought. But the unknown was beginning to scare him, and all he wanted was answers.
It was as if putting a label on what you both were would potentially put an end to everything, all the kissing, cuddling, secret touches, lingering looks, whispered endearments. The pair of you were too young for this shit, JJ thought. Thinking so hard about what you are or weren't. And god forbid you'd both come to regret it all; JJ couldn't let that happen. He wouldn't.
"I'm not gonna do anything," he said simply, and shoved his way past his friends before they could do anything else. He approached you, your eyes immediately catching his and a large grin overtaking the features of your face as he came closer. The guy seemed to notice your shift in attention and he turned too, eyes widening a bit at the sight of the blonde stood in front of him. JJ tried to smile naturally, his too sharp teeth secretly grinding together. "Hey," he chirped as if he was talking to an old friend. "How're you doing, man? I'm JJ."
You hid a laugh behind your hand, having no clue as to what JJ was trying to achieve but finding the obviously fake enthusiasm rather hilarious in that moment. Over his shoulder, you noticed John B and Pope watching with careful eyes, and everything seemed to click in your mind. _JJ was obviously planning on starting something. _You decided to get yourself and your somewhat boyfriend slash best friend out of the situation before anything could happen, the poor Touron didn't have a clue that you were kinda taken, to a fist throwing first ask questions later, tall blonde named JJ Maybank after all.
"It was nice talking to you, dude," you told the guy, his face dropping at the word dude. God, had he seriously wasted all that time flirting with you? You grabbed JJ's hand, only for him to tug it out of yours and place it around your shoulders, blue eyes sending daggers to the nervous boy on front of you. "We're gonna go now, I think."
And with that, you led the way away from him, not missing the way JJ's eyes swooped over the guy in an almost warning manner before smirking at him. Your hand reached up and fingers intertwined with those of JJ's that were sat rather comfortably near your breast. JJ's fingers squeezed yours in response, his arm tugging you closer before he leaned down and pressed a hard kiss to the top of your head.
Once you were a good distance away from the party and its occupants on the beach, you turned in his arm, hand letting go of his to wrap both your arms around his waist. He kept the same arm around your shoulder and placed his other on your bare back between the high waist line of your shorts and the knot of your bikini, long fingers spacing out and rubbing soothing patterns into the skin.
You sighed as you looked at him. "What was that about?" You questioned, a small smile tugging on your lips regardless of the seriousness in your question as you demanded answers.
"That guy was all over you," JJ grunted, his eyes leaving yours to glare at the space where you stood a minute before talking to the said guy. "He was practically drooling all over you. I saved you, y'know. You should be thanking me, babe."
You laughed, and rolling your eyes you reached up to touch his face, thumb smoothing over the still darkened skin under his eye from the confrontation of his dad earlier that week. Leaning up on your toes, aware that nobody could see the action from the distance you and JJ were stood from the kegger, you pressed a kiss to the bruised skin, JJ's eyes closing at the feel of your lips against his skin, a soft exhale leaving his chest.
"Were you jealous, baby?" You teased gently, chuckling at his scoff in response to your accusation. "Relax, J. You don't have to be. I've only got eyes for you."
That seemed to catch his attention. JJ pulled away from you a bit, blue eyes suddenly serious and pink lips forming a tight line. For a second you worried you'd said something wrong, suddenly afraid that he would pull back completely and distance himself from you like you feared one day he would - it was only a matter of time before he realised what you had was a mistake, you worried. That he'd get bored of you and realise there was so many other people he could have. The thought alone made you sick, and you forced the intruding thoughts to the back of your head as JJ's eyes trailed over your face.
"What's wrong?" You couldn't take it anymore. The silence was deafening, even with the music and chatter of the teenagers behind you lingering in the night air. JJ seemed to get hold of his bearings at that moment, shaking his head and leaving a hand from your body to run through his hair. You watched him all the while, lip between your teeth. "J, what's wrong baby?"
JJ wished he had an answer, but he simply didn't. He had no idea what was wrong, no way of telling you the thoughts that were running through his mind. JJ had never been good with words, or emotions, or anything much like that at all. And so he just shook his head, sighing deeply as his hands caressed your face. You welcomed the touch, head leaning into his hold as he smiled down at you. You knew there was something he wanted to say to you; you had known him for so long, felt like all your life, and you could see right through his lies. However you never said a thing, once again. In that moment, it felt enough to just be by his side.
"Can we go?" He muttered quietly, despite no-one being around you. You smiled softly, eyes staring into each others there on the beach. "Just wanna go to sleep with you," he murmured that time, leaning down and kissing the side of your lips, not completely which had you grumbling quietly.
"Course, baby," you whispered as you looked at him, feeling nothing but adoration and love for the boy in front of you. "Let's go."
And so after kissing him under the moonlight, feet sunken in the damp sand as the sea splashed around you, the kegger still going strong in the distance, JJ took your hands and led the way back to the Chateau, where despite both your similar thoughts you crawled into bed in the spare bedroom and fell asleep together, your head resting on his chest with his cheek pressed against your head, arms wrapped around forms and legs intertwined.
It was hot, blistering heat panning down on your form as you lay on the hammock outside the Chateau, eyes closed with one arm resting over them in a fleeting attempt to block the sun out. Despite the unbearable temperature of the day, JJ lay in between your legs, perfectly muscular arms wrapped around your waist as his head rested on your stomach that was covered only by one of his infamous cut-off sleeve shirts, only a bikini underneath it keeping you modest.
One of your hands played with the hair on the back of his neck, twirling the strands in between your fingers and repeating the process over and over again, JJ letting out a low him as you did so.
It was just the two of you, the quiet and peacefulness welcome on the hot day as you cuddled as close as you could and as much as you wanted, nothing off limits away from the prying eyes of your best friends. Both Kie and Pope were working, John B having traded your company for that of Sarah Cameron's for the day, and so that only left the pair of you to do anything and everything you pleased. JJ had let out a joyous whoop when you'd discovered the fact, and you'd only managed to get out of bed half an hour before as he took full advantage of having the Chateau to yourselves for the morning. The original plan was to go surfing, but as soon as you'd stepped out of the house the both of you seemed to come to a silent mutual agreement that lounging around in the sun on the porch was a much more welcoming idea instead.
And so that's what the pair of you had done; there was barely a word uttered between you both as you lay there, JJ's skin slightly sticky and damp on your own due to the heat, but neither of you seemed to mind as you simply closed your eyes and basked in the quiet, content with doing nothing with your favourite person.
JJ's hands had moved so that he was caressing your side, your skin revealed with the low cut of his shirt as his thumb rubbed patterns into your skin. In its wake it left goosebumps, JJ's touch never failing to make you shiver even in all the years you had known him. He knew what effect he had on you too, he smirked as you shivered, his other hand squeezing the flesh of your hip.
You trailed your own hands down from his hair and onto the exposed flesh of his back as he lay shirtless, and you could feel the muscles under your palms clench as you let out a small giggle. JJ chuckled along, although he'd had no idea as to what it was you were laughing at in the first place. The sound of your laugh just made him happy, he supposed.
"What're you laughing at?" He murmured quietly, chin propping on your stomach and his eyes squinting up at you. He'd moved a hand down to your thigh, now kneading the flesh there as his other remained on your side and wrote unknown words into the skin there. You grinned down at him lazily, the sun and his charming aura making you feel high. Then again, you probably were high; the blunt you'd both shared a couple of minutes earlier taking its toll.
"Nothing," you hummed. "Just really, really fucking happy right now s'all."
JJ laughed, laying a kiss onto your stomach and loving the way you giggled at the action. He pressed more there, letting out dramatic sounds of various 'mwah's' as he trailed them up further until his lips were on the skin on your collarbone, continuing his assault onto your neck. JJ's tongue darted out, and your giggles had soon turned into breathy moans of approval as he sucked on the skin, his sharpened teeth sinking into the flesh not long after. You gripped the back of his neck, fingernails digging into his hairline as your sounds of pleasure rippled through the air surrounding you without a care in the world. In that moment you couldn't care less if anyone had caught you - all that mattered was JJ, all that ever mattered was JJ. He sucked gently on your flesh, adding to the bruises that already littered your chest, stomach, thighs, anywhere he could get his mouth earlier. You both knew questions would be asked from the others, in the high temperatures of the Outer Banks your skin was almost always revealed. But again, neither of you cared.
Not when JJ's mouth left your skin with a satisfying pop, his eyes taking in the sight of the freshly bruised flesh, a content smile on his lips. He leaned down and peppered a kiss to the lovebite, soothing his tongue over it afterwards. You let out a sigh, suddenly breathless under his heated gaze.
JJ shuffled his body up and closer, one leg in between yours as his right hand came up and held your face tenderly in his palm, the rough skin of his thumb swiping along your brow as he grinned cheekily down at you. "You're fucking beautiful y'know that?"
Your cheeks blazed, an almost embarrassed laugh leaving your mouth and you shook your head at his words. JJ looked offended suddenly, his brows furrowing as he nodded furiously. "Um, yes you are. Don't you dare say that you're not because you're, fucking, beautiful, okay," between each word he left lingering kisses to your lips with his own, and you knew it was probably the weed in his system that had spurred him to such a romantic confrontation, but you welcomed it regardless, giggling against his lips as one leg hooked around his waist. "Fucking god, you keep doing that and we won't be moving from this hammock all day."
"I'm not complaining about that," you replied and pressed your lips harder to his. JJ let out a groan, his body impulsively pushing down further onto yours, his hips directly on yours, chests pressed close together, his arm holding him up enough near your head so he didn't suffocate you completely, his other kneading the soft flesh of your bikini bottom clad ass. Your own hands caressed the skin of his abdomen, fingers sprawled and feeling his abs tense underneath the tips. You pulled away only slightly, taking in the sight of his flushed face, his eyes bright and yearning, flashing with something you couldn't quite place and his lips swollen and so very red. "Thank you, by the way." You whispered as you reached up and pushed the hair from his face. "You're pretty beautiful yourself, hon."
JJ seemed to understand what you were getting at then, his chest heaving with a chuckle as he shook his head at you. He leaned down and placed a kiss to your nose, returning his head to snuggle into your neck as you were once again wrapped around each other. "Thanks, I know," he joked (possibly) as his hands resumed their pattern of soothing shapes on your ribs. You hummed a random tune, the calming atmosphere returning around the pair of you on the porch. It was quiet for a few more minutes, your eyes closing involuntarily and almost falling asleep right then and there before JJ spoke up again. "You're my best friend, y'know."
The words were so quiet you almost missed them, but with the silence surrounding you, you'd heard them loud and clear. Your eyes opened and you glanced down at the boy laying atop of you, his face hidden in the skin of your neck.
"I would hope so," you laughed slightly, having no clue as to where JJ was planning on going with the fact. "You're my best friend too. I'd be lost without you and the guys."
"No," JJ shook his head. He shifted in his place, eyes connecting with yours as you sent him a questioning look, quirking your eyebrow. JJ sighed deeply, sucking his lower chapped lip into his mouth for a second before releasing it and allowing your finger to trace the outline of it. "You don't get it. You're like, my best friend. I know it sounds stupid and I'm probably a selfish fucker for saying it, but I'd put you above everyone else. You are above everyone else. And like, I don't know how else to explain it but you mean the fucking world to me. Without you, I'd be nothing. If I lost you, I'd fucking die."
His voice broke at the end, and it damn near broke your heart as you hushed him gently, arms circling around his head and holding it close to your chest. You kissed his forehead, hearing him sniffle before he raised his head and met your eyes, the sea blue crystallised by unshed tears.
"I feel like I've known you my whole life, and I just - I don't know what I'd do without you. I'm scared honestly, shit fucking feared of losing you, or you realising that I'm just a no good low life and you could do better, and honestly you could and I don't even know what the fuck you're doing with me," JJ chuckled darkly and you shook your head, feeling tears prick at your own eyes at his words. "And I don't even know if you want to be with me, or if what we're doing is some mistake you're gonna regret, but you're my best friend."
The earnest in his voice made your heart clench in your chest. You'd seen JJ cry numerous times, seen his facade break and his world around him to crash, seen the emotions pour out of him with so much force whether they be happy, sad, fucking hysterical or ecstatic; and you'd loved him through it all. The realisation of just how much you loved him, that went beyond friendship and into pure, earnest and genuine love for the boy in front of you, made your head swirl and butterflies in your stomach to clash heavily against your ribcage. Something warm spread throughout you, and you welcomed the feeling with open arms. You loved JJ Maybank, purely and honestly, with every fibre in your being.
"J," you murmured carefully, gripping his damp cheeks and forcing him to look at you. His face was unreadable, but you could see in his eyes what he was feeling in that moment. "You're fucking crazy, alright? Everything about you is so damned chaotic and I love every bit of it. I love every bit of you, so much. Do you know how scared I was that you would take all this back? Regret it all, leave me for someone better. I was scared shitless, because I cannot lose you. You're my best friend, and all I wanna do is spend all my time with you."
"I've never felt like this before," you whispered as JJ's gaze softened, hands gripping your hips and squeezing gently. You traced the worry in his brows, easing it away, traced the bottoms of his eyes, the slope of his nose and the outline of his lips. He breathed against your fingertips, the soft exhale making the hairs on your arms raise. "I love you, J. And if you think you're ever gonna get rid of me, you're terribly fucking mistaken."
JJ chuckled at that, blonde head falling on your chest as he breathed in and out, seemingly catching his breath at your confession. "Thank god," he breathed, cheeky gaze raising to catch yours as he grinned, suddenly surging forward and catching your lips with his own in a deep and passionate embrace that had you feeling dizzy at the pure feel of it all. "I was scared you were gonna tell me to fuck off, thought you were using me for my body for a minute there, babe."
You full on laughed, breaking away from his eager lips to let it out, your hands clutching his cheeks and your legs squashing his body atop yours from where they were wrapped around his waist. "You're such a fucker, J." He kissed along your jaw in response, biting down softly. "God, that weed must have been some new level shit."
"Nah," JJ shook his head and grinned. "You just drive me crazy, babygirl." His hands wandered from your ribs higher till his fingertips just slipped under the material of your bikini top. He pressed a further series of tender kisses to your chest, trailing them down and then back up to meet your lips once more. He gazed lovingly at you, looking golden in the sunlight. "I love you too, by the way. Just so y'know."
You grinned softly, catching his bottom lip with your teeth when he began to pull away, pulling a delicious groan from him. "I know," you echoed back to him, lips raising on their own accord to match JJ's almost shy smile at your declaration. "Hey, can we stay home today? Wanna watch the sunset with you later."
JJ snorted, laying one last lingering kiss to your lips before snuggling back into your neck, his eyelashes brushing against your delicate skin. "Whatever you want baby," he chuckled, breath warm. "Whatever you want."
Yours and JJ's (now established, thankfully) relationship only progessed from there; it was in the little things, spending every moment you could get with each other, always touching in some kind of way whether it to be hands curled around one another's, fingers dancing on skin, shoulders and arms brushing, legs squished beside each other. It was all new, and it was all so exciting, and any worries that the two of you may had shared earlier vanished and in their wake came new thoughts of the future, of which you'd spend together.
If the gang had noticed the change, they hadn't mentioned it. Though you already knew Kie suspected something a long time ago, and probably Pope and John B too, due to JJ's little episode at the kegger that time. But you and JJ rejoiced in the unknown, relationship growing stronger each day all the while. You weren't trying to hide it - god forbid, you'd both been waiting so long for it, but you hadn't officially announced you were boyfriend and girlfriend either. There wasn't anything to say, you thought. The relationship came naturally, years of close friendship gradually turning into something more for the pair of you, and you'd both agreed it would be way funnier for the gang to come to their own conclusions and confront you about it themselves. However long that would take them.
The Pogues had driven the HMS Pogue out to the marsh, planning on drinking, swimming and simply hanging out for the day. Sarah had joined you on that particular day, body pressed close to John B's as the group lounged around on the boat, you and JJ wrapped around each other as usual.
His muscular arm was wrapped around your shoulders as you sprawled out close together, your legs thrown over his as your body angled towards his own, head resting on his shoulder. Your hands held the one thrown over you, absentmindedly playing with his ring adorned fingers. His other gripped your knee laying over his, thumb rubbing gentle patterns into the tanned skin there.
Nobody had mentioned your closeness - it was nothing new, the pair of you had always been so close, always touching even before becoming a couple. But Sarah wasn't as close with you as the others, and though she was aware of how close you and JJ were, she wasn't as up to date with everything like everyone else. You'd had no idea that she always just assumed the pair of you were dating, until that day.
"So, you guys are like, a couple right?" She'd asked out of the blue, eyes directed onto you and JJ. Kie suddenly sat up straight, sunglasses raising to rest atop her head rather than on her nose, Pope beside her seemingly taking as much interest, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees as he listened.
From beside Sarah, John B laughed and shook his head. "Everyone thinks that," he grinned, looking to you and JJ who shared a knowing glance. Sarah looked at him in confusion. "They can't help it though, their sexual tension is through the roof."
Sarah looked even more confused. "Wait, so you guys aren't together?"
JJ cleared his throat, arm tightening around your shoulders. You squeezed his hand as you stared up at him, smiling softly at his uncertain gaze. Once he'd met your eyes, the uncertainty faded away and in its place came a cheeky kind of look, mischievous and so attractive that you had to hold yourself back from kissing him right then and there. You knew it was time to come clean; and you thought it would scare you, your relationship suddenly becoming so real, but the thought only made your insides twist and churn with nothing but excitement.
You looked back at Sarah, who's gaze was still on the pair of you, as well as everyone elses. You noted the almost giddy expression on Kie's face, the barely suppressed curiosity on Pope's, and the suddenly confused one of John B's. You almost laughed, but held it in to say, "Actually, yeah. JJ and I are together."
JJ squeezed you gently as the reactions from your friends began. Kie grinned smugly, Sarah smiled at the two of you, John B raised his eyebrows so high they almost got lost beneath his hat, and Pope slapped his knees before he lurched backwards with his arms raised above his head.
"I knew it, man," Pope shook his head, though a smile was growing on his handsome features. "I knew something's been up with you two."
You laughed as Kie scoffed, "You knew? I had it figured out from the very beginning, I could tell something had changed." She eyed you. "And I was specifically told that nothing was going on, you big fat liar!"
"I'm sorry," you chuckled. "In my defence, when you asked me about it then I actually didn't know if we were like, together together. We hadn't spoken about it yet."
JJ grinned and pulled your body closer, leaning down and pressing a sloppy kiss to the top of your head as your face was mushed into his bare chest. "Yeah, and who can blame her for wanting to keep my Sex God body all to herself?" He asked rhetorically, laughing when you slapped him on the chest with a playful eye roll.
"Wait, so are you a couple now?" John B questioned, puzzled. He looked between the pair of you, your arms wrapped around his waist, one of his still around your shoulder and hand resting between your boobs. The other brushed hair from your face, JJ's gaze loving and soft as he looked down at you before looking back towards his best friend. John B scrunched his face. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"We didn't tell anyone man," JJ shrugged carelessly. His fingers had began to play with your hair. "Figured it would be funnier for you guys to find out yourselves," he grinned. "So congratulations, you guys now know. Your reward is the knowledge that we fuck now!"
The gang groaned at his ludicrous words, and you slapped his chest with more force than you had before, just slightly as you scoffed and attempted to raise your head and move position to get a good look at him, but all JJ did was grab your hand and pull it upwards to his lips, kissing each of your knuckles instead.
You rolled as your eyes as you turned back to your friends. "We're sorry about not telling you," you said almost sheepishly. "We only really figured out what this was between us a few days ago, and by that time we just kinda forgot to mention it. This whole thing just kinda happened, we didn't know if it would last or become serious."
"And it has become serious now?" Pope voiced everyone's thoughts, glancing between the two of you. "Like, you're together as a couple. You love each other?"
You and JJ shared a look, the pair of you smiling softly as your hand raised and brushed the blonde strands of hair that fell over his brow, his own reaching up and holding the side of your jaw, his thumb swiping along your cheek lovingly. The others shared glances, unknown to you and JJ as you seemed to be lost inside your own little world for a moment.
When you came to again, you never turned from his eyes, watching the sea blue irises light up at your words; "Yeah, I love him, the fucker."
You heard a collective round of replies, but the feel of JJ's lips on yours for a second forced your attention on him and only him, your hands on his cheeks as you held him there for a full minute before pulling away, leaving a couple more little pecks on his lips. He whispered, "I love you." before he turned his attention to your friends, your smile so bright.
"I thought she'd get bored of me," he revealed unexpectedly. The Pogues (plus Sarah) all looked to him with various expressions of confusion, your own face matching theirs for a moment. JJ felt a smile tug on his lips as your hands massaged his scalp, nails scraping gently against the skin beneath. "But of course she couldn't, I mean I'm the fucking best am I not?"
The gang rolled their eyes as his normal cheeky expression returned, though they all smiled at the pair of you cuddled close together on the seats of the HMS Pogue, realising it was the happiest they'd ever seen the both of you. John B let out a sigh, shaking his head in disbelief. "Well, it's about time anyway."
And just like that, everything went back to normal. You knew they'd have more questions in the future, prepared to answer any and every one of them when they came. But your little group swayed their attention elsewhere sat out on their little boat, laughing and joking at the next topic of conversation, bright eyes and giddy smiles on every face as you drank, swam and sunbathed out there on the marsh. JJ was only looking at you though, skin golden and blue eyes shining. You loved him, you thought. How could he ever think you'd get bored of him, with his charm and quick witted words, sarcastic drawl and tendency to get into trouble, his obsession with weed and putting others before himself always, his beautiful mind and ridiculously good looks to match. He was yours, all yours. And you loved him. JJ grinned. "Are you bored yet?" He asked, just once, loving the sound of your giggle as you shook your head at his antics. "No? Good, because I'm never gonna get bored of you."
#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank x you#jj maybank imagine#jj x reader#outer banks x reader#outer banks x you#outer banks imagine#obx imagine#obx jj#jj obx#jj outer banks#jj one shot#john b routledge#pope heyward#kiara carrera#sarah cameron
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TW slf hate, slf hrm, fat shaming, and other junk...
Someone was actually proud of me.
Actually frigging proud of me.
And after driving home with a smile on my face the whole way, I locked myself in the bathroom and cried. Why? I dunno. Maybe because I've never been so... happy? with myself.
I feel like I could start crying again.
Do u know how long it's been since I last cried? I can't remember. Before I cvt myself, I would cry everyday, I even put a little mark in my calendars for the days when I did, and for forever, they lay in the right hand corner of each day box thing.
And now I cried.
Because I'm happy?
I almost told myself that that was dumb and that I don't deserve to even feel remotely content, but I shut those thoughts out.
I did so well. He gave me a high five. The band leader said I did really well... On all five of my new songs, he said I made Michael Jackson look bad. And I...
Gosh, I'm tearing up again.
And I didn't even tell mom. When I came home, I told my lil sis and my older sis already knew about it since she was at the practice, but still. I didn't feel the need to tell my mother. Isn't that insane? I know she wouldve been happy to hear about it (and of course she'd probably belittle me like she always does) but still I could've gotten some credit here. And yet I felt like I didn't need to!!
Its kind of like M is my father figure in my life ig. Not to sound sappy but Dad wouldn't care less about my life and mom just hates everything I do.
TW FAT SHAMING (weight stuff idk)
And that reminds me. You wouldn't believe what mom said to me while eating salad for lunch a couple days ago.
I eat suuuuuper slow so everyone had already left the table. (Well my sisters had left, dad never eats with us since he sticks in his office)(we eat lunch on school days at the house because we're homeschooled btw)
But for some weird reason mom decided to stick around. She was watching me eat (creepy, I know) and suddenly she said,
"Thank God you have never been fat."
And she said it so hatefully, so darkly toned, that I had to speak up. (I never talk at the table or much in family settings) (I'm weird, I know)
"What do you mean?" Because at this point I was absolutely confused.
At 5,2 112 llbs, I know I'm kind of small, but dude. Wtf mom?
"You've never been fat a day in your life."
And then she walked off.
Leaving me verrrrry confused.
First off, I know mom had lost a lot of weight lately. She still things she's heavy, and she's always been kind of (what's the word?) ... Spiteful. About me being the skinniest in the family. She also nitpicks everything about me. Hair, clothing, acne, food choices, tv choices,.... Everything else. But maybe this explains it?
Maybe she hates me because I'm naturally this way?
I would never say that she's jealous. Because I honestly think I could lose a little weight. I honestly wish people would just be happy the way they are, stay healthy, but still be able to chill. Yes impossible, ik.
What if she hates me?
I know she thinks I have an ed, as she's asked me if I eat enough over the past few years, especially lately. She's asked me several times if I've ever purged. And I don't have an ed I don't think. I think she might have her own kind though.
Idk it's just me ranting again. *Sigh*
What do u think? Does anyone read this far? Without skipping?
¯\(°_o)/¯
Whatever.
Have a good night!!
--Lil Loner
#self h@rm#tw self destruction#tw s3lf harm#shtumblr#cxtting#tw self destructive behavior#made of styrofoam#tw cvts#tw cvtting#sh relapse#tw sh related#ed vent#ed ana#ed restriction#ed account#eating problems#tw eating things#eating disoder things#ana fast#ana vent#ana trigger#bulimima#not pr0 4n4#4norex1c#tw 4n4
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Dia means sun btw.
Lord Diavolo angst.
Maybe OOC LuLu, I just love soft, messy LuLu.
He regrets ever picking you for the exchange program. Because of you his life is ruined. He never planned to share Lucifer with anybody romantically.
Then one day he asked to talk. He confessed he was in love.
With you.
Diavolo cried himself to sleep that night. As he remembered his friends smiling face. Of course he congratulated him and gave him advice while Barbatos prepared a special blend of tea.
He always thought he'd have Lucifer body and soul forever.
He should have never let you come here. You have the brothers in shambles, bowing to your every command.
You have all of them wrapped around your little finger and you don't even realize it. Out of all seven you had to pick Lucifer.
He was always supposed to be his Lucifer. His fallen Morning Star with eyes that shone like fire. Skin as pale as snow, with hair as black and shiny as ink. His Lucifer only belonged to him in name only. He was so beautiful, he deserved better than to be your plaything. Lucifer deserved a Queen's status, he belonged on the throne working with Diavolo side by side.
You see this needed to be revised immediately, that's why he killed you. It was to easy really, wait until you got back to the human world, slip some poison into your water systems, and make sure his Lucy was busy with work all day and night.
Why don't I take your D.D.D Lucifer, it will just distract you. The faster you finish your work the faster you can talk to MC. I'm sure she misses you.
He had to be discrete, if lucifer found out all his love would vanish, so not even you could know your killer. He sent you letter often and texted you, played the nice guy, the supportive friend. Now you were far away in the Celestial realm, forbidden from dating the Morning Star based on your angel status. Of course secretly delivered by Barbatos to Micheal.
Then I gave him my brightest smile and shoved more paperwork into his arms, the arms that should be wrapped around him.
He saved Lilith, he gave him work, a place for him and his brothers to stay. Lucifer should be his, and now he will be, now that your out of the way. Watching from the Celestial realm as your boyfriend cries into his shoulder. His hair loose and his school uniform buttons undone, Diavolo could fell his heart beating.
You were gone, Lucifer was his once more.
The cost well the boys will get over it soon enough, they don't even know who killed you. After all you were a good friend to everyone, his tears were real.
He really would miss you, but you crossed the line when you took Lucifer from him. Maybe he'll come and visit you when Lucifer is wearing his ring. When its safe for his heart to never fell that way about you again.
Diavolo hugged his friend and soothed his heaving sobs.
You see Lucifer loves me , he doesn't hide anything from me. Look at him falling apart on my shoulder, the all mighty Morning Star, reduced to tears and a shadow of himself.
"Diavolo" he whispered
"Yes my Lovely?"
" Does Barb know who killed her?"
He sounded cool, and broken. He sounded like a man who just had his heart shattered.
"An unfortunate accident. Her poison garden had a broken pipe, the poison seeped into the ground into her drinking supply." He sounded mournful as he spoke.
" You know how found she was with her deadly garden Lucifer, that's why she got on with Satan so well, always hungry for information."
Lucifer chocked back a sob.
He told you your obsession would kill you one day, and now look at you. Stuck under his Father's thumb in the blinding white of his old home. At least he could rely on Simeon to keep you safe.
For the first time in his millennia old life Lucifer regretted his fall.
At his back Diavolo smiled, finally mine he thought, finally finally mine.
"This is where you live dearest?" he said. Looking at you in wonder. A small cottage greeted him with flowers blooming around metal gates. A green house in the backyard, filled to brimming with toxic and deadly plants.
he stared at you as you put on little green leather gloves and pointed at every plant, the poison it obtained and what it could do it a humans system. You showed him leaf patterns and squeezed a pokeberry and watched the seeds spill out, showing him the poison as red as blood inside.
"Isn't it wonderful" you asked. You gazed into his eyes, yours were filled with an almost child like wonder as you gazed around your garden. For once you had almost rivaled your boyfriend in Pride. He could practically see the peacock feathers sprouting from your back.
" I just want you to look upon the true irony of your current situation." She smiles as Lucifer plucks a Manchieel apple from the tree and bit down.
"I love you Lucifer" Then she looked up at me threw her long beautiful lashes. I felt the blush creep up my cheeks as my hand rose to meet my chest.
"I love you to MC"
I kissed her then, her lips were full and warm and she was alive. We kissed by the dying sunset, I pulled her flush aganist my chest and she wrapped her arms around my neck.
I remember the feeling of utter happiness as I help her aganist me. It was like a tight spring loaded in my heart.
I love you MC, I will always love you.
Lucifer's tears slowly drew to a close as Diavolo hugger him closer. You were always so reckless, always attracted to things that could kill you whether it be plants or your choice of boyfriend. You never had a sense of self preservation, its how you two originally gotten closer.
After he realized Mammon was a horrible human babysitter he slowly faded into the role. Then after your true heritae was revealed, he couldn't stop himself from falling in love with you.
Ha look where that got him. Youe dead and his heart is shattered on the ground.
Even after all those pacts you still went to Celestial, even though your a desecandt of the angel my Father wanted elimanited.
Maybe this is a new tourment from my Father after all, he took away Lilith, and now you.
My darling little MC.
Lucifer was sure his heart would never be put back together again.
He missed your warm touches. Your random notes on his mountains of paperwork, little encouragments and silly heart on sticky notes.
He saved them all.
You come in with snacks or drinks in the dead of night just to remind him to eat.
"How could you possibly love a demon, I'm a failure. A fallen angel." He looked downcast.
You confessed your love fo rthe first time that night. Heart shapped pancakes, on his desk after a particularly long meeting. At the time his first thought was "Beel didn't see these, how odd."
" I love you in spite of that. Lucifer you work hard, you sacrificed your freedom for your family. You work like a slave to because of it. Your so strong. You saved your brother from the dungeon, and bore the burden of greif all these years." YOu looked at him admiration and a touch of saddness.
"'I love you because no matter what you come to face, you better yourself with it." his pride swelled, he took in your flushed face, your sparkling eyes, and your soft hair. He loved you for so long. He pulled you close and kissed away your tears.
Then you fed each other pancakes.
He didn't do any work that night.
The brothers made you a memorial behdn the House of Lamentation. Filled to the brim with roses spelled healthy, and pictures upon pictures from your Devilgram account. Soft teddy bears and the controller you used most when playing with Levi, a tube of your lipstick you accidentally left behind.
Lucifer went their that night, he sat in frount of you and cried himself to sleep. It was almost like losing Lilith all over again.
You were the one to comfort him when you felt like this. When he lost the battle of the darkness inside his heart, but you were gone, and nobody else dared approach him. He felt your absence in the very core of his being, he missed your hands grazing his horns or preening his wings.
" Their like clouds! So fluffy!"
" They were made from clouds dearest" He smiled at you and pulled you onto his lap."
" I miss you MC, my dearest one." A few tears dropped onto your tombstone. He rested his head agaist your picture.
" Lucifer" a soft voice whispered, hiding in the shadows.
"Simeon" Lucifer looked up and saw his friend under the tree. He looked forlorn and...was that dread?
" We need to talk... I have a message from....her"
Lucifer sat up and gracefully walkes towards him. His uniform is covered in mud and he was an indent from your memorial but, he still looked prideful. Even if he didn't feel anything at all.
Simeon looked at him in a pitiful manner.
" She loves you Lucifer, and it wasn't an accident. She said she saw Barbatos, and the cop who was investagating, he was a demon who tried to eat her once. When she was with Satan at the library.
She says he lended over and checked her pulse after she drank the water. He said he was sorry, on all accounts."
Lucifer couldn't speak, he was falling once more in a pit of rage and despair.
" Are you sure?" disbelief coated his voice as he looked upon his best friend and companion.
" She's a mess about it, Barb came over and-" Simeon shuddered. "She's being peppered with questions about everythibg from Micheal, she saw a few of her deceased pets and started crying, she won't leave them be" he chuckled slightly.
Lucifer felt a stab of betrayal, but he also felt a sense of purpose.
"Thank you Simeon" he said cooly, buttoning up his unofrm, tying his belt, fixing his medals."Give MC my love from now until the end of eternity." Lucifer walked cooly back to your memorial. He touched your smiling face and took out his D.D.D.
The Demon Brothers (6) New (7)
Lucifer- Family meeting in the dining room, Five minutes
He shut off his phone and walked back into the house.
" Your so strong Lucifer."
"Your so beautiful"
" You'll always be my angel."
" I love you, and I'll always love you."
Lucifer stared at his brothers' gathered in he dining hall. He tuned out their questions and held up his hand.
He stood up the chair moving soundlessely on the carpet.
He placed his hand over the R.A.D badge, then he ripped it off. The stitches popping and metals clanging on the table.
He threw it to the floor.
"Who here wants to start a rebellion."
Yay my first aganst! So who wins that's up to you! Comment please I love reading them.
This is my girlfriend's story and I wanted to post it here and she let me so go check it out on wattpad
@sparkleshinegreen
#obey me#obey me diavolo#obey lucifer#agnst#fluff#to be continued#lucifer x reader#oc mention#death#murder#fanfiction
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