#i will be reblogging this again i literally retagged EVERYTHING FOR THIS POST i put in EFFORT

[olivieraa]

its gotten to the point where this word is basically slang since everyone uses it, but it reminds me of ocd as well since everyone uses ocd to describe being quirky or neat or somewhat clean, but "hyperfocused" is a word that's so attached to my being, that it irks me beyond belief when I see people describe their hyperfixation or whatever on something fucking stupid in which they really could just use the word "focused"

hyperfixation is absolutely integral to my ocd. its one of the main things I cant control.

the best way I can put it is someone being lazy and so they decide to procrastinate, do literally anything other than what they're supposed to be doing. and they just cant bring themselves to do the thing. they continuously nope out of it even when they sit their asses down to do the thing and then they're like "ah I need to go to the store for toothpaste!"

I have a fear of hyperfocusing on something bc then that's it. I'm glued to that till I'm finished/its over/its done, whatever it may be. could take days, or weeks, or months.

it has screwed me up in school, in jobs, in college, even just being online.

I used to love watching AMV's when I first entered the internet. just casually watching them. until my brain realised I shouldn't just casually watch them. they should be organised and categorised. and then 3 categories became 8, and then 14, and then I had 20 playlists of AMV's based on things I cant even remember until I one day had to stop watching AMV's altogether bc I turned it into a chore. and I knew then at that point they couldn't be enjoy anymore. I couldnt just put one on for fun. I knew I'd categorise it, and want to go onto the next one, and do it to that too. so I stopped altogether and never went back. this simple fun quick thing I cut off completely.

on tumblr, I casually reblogged everything and anything on this site when If irst came on here until I realised what tumblr actually was and had to start tagging things so that they were organised on my blog. but oh no. I didn't just tag the character, the anime, and the whatever else. it got to the point where a reblogged picture of just Joey had about 18 tags. to make matters worse, I wanted my tags alphabetical, and it was during the time you couldn't rearrange the order of tags. so if I realised I was missing a tag that started with the letter c, I had to delete all the previous tags to put that c word in and then retag again. post after post after post. I got to page 100 on my blog before I panicked that I may have missed something and started again. ...and then I started again. and again. so I stopped tagging. bc I stopped going to school bc I was tagging my blog. that's all I did for days. I didn't do anything else. I was completely focused on the organisation of my blog. and so I had to stop myself from ever tagging again. my '#niece watches' tag doesnt count bc they're there mainly for blocking purposes lmao

another online example, it happened at christmas when I decided to watch attack on titan. I'd made the decision to start again from the beginning (despite having seen season one 4 times) bc my plan was to put on something I could casually watch and pause and do work and then take breaks and go back to watching and it'd be so easy.

nope. I binged 100 eps in 5 days. I went to bed at 5-6am. I couldn't stop. and I'm not even kidding, the best way I can describe it is, lets say you've the most important test of your life in 1 week. and you need to study. and you ASSUME that during your lil break times you can casually watch attack on titan, SPECIFICALLY for chosen break times, maybe once and hour, but studying is priority bc the exam is in ONE WEEK and you haven't started studying. so maybe you'll get through like, idk, maybe 7 eps a day?

episode fucking ONE hooked me in. an ep I've seen so many times. HOOKED me in. like I hadn't seen it before. I was absolutely glued to it. ep 1 ends and I'm like "oh wait I should study............ but like, its fine. I'll do one more ep and then do EXTRA study."

another ep, another ep, another ep. I got to ep 6 and was about to click 7 and was like

to my goddamn brain.

I momentarily won. I managed to do about 20 mins of study, then watched ep 7-14 in a row. still on day one. I opened a book for a total of 20 mins. so I promise myself, bc this test is so important and high priority, that I'll properly start tomorrow.

it never happened. I did nothing other than watch that show and do basic necessities. for 5 days. I had no control over this decision. its like there's another me who always wins. always wins. and she's evil. I had to finish the show before I could move on. it had to be complete.

I dont know how to get out of these moments. I remember when I went to my second ever job I told them about how it screwed me over a little in my first retail job (stocking shelves, oh but didn't those shelves need to be perfect. even if I was supposed to have been on aisle 4 or 5 by the time the managers came back to check in on me, no no I was still on aisle one perfecting aisle one. and nobody was going to ruin it for me, boss or not.)

and they told me it seemed like a good thing in the second job! but I was like "no I cant let it happen here, I cant. it gets bad."

and it happened. they put me in charge of a task and I found it hard to do anything other than perfect that task to the point that I was focusing on doing that same thing every day to keep it perfect, even when I was told to do something else.

so... yeah. they overuse of hyperfixation and hyperfocusing when people just mean "I was focused on this thing" drives me insane

crazy person rant over

[spector]

HELLO, welcome to the summary of augustevens 2020. a challenge inspired by my previous challenges (hammoween & jonnuary) and me blazing thru legion season 2 and 3 in a span of over five days. it was quite an adventure to say the least and i’m here to present some statistics and recommendations.

LINK TO THE LETTERBOXD LIST (which is where you’ll find my short reviews and ratings) || LINK TO THE OFFICIAL AUGUSTEVENS LB TAG (posts in chronological order)

MOVIES WATCHED: 24 (technically 23…) AVERAGE RATING: 2.27 (oof)

TOP AUGUSTEVENS MOVIE (that’s not a rewatch): this is so stupid but i legit have to say Vamps (2012). maybe i liked it so much because it came after a very long combo of shitty movies but to me it was genuinely funny and delightful comedy abt being a vampire in the glorious era of early 10s… the casting in it was perfect, the plot was so charming and while there is stuff i would have left in the cutting room, i just. really enjoyed myself. vamps (2012) stan for life. 

ASSHOLE OR DELIGHTFUL FOP?

ASSHOLE ROLES: 8 FOP ROLES: 14 UNASSIGNED FOR VARIOUS REASONS: 2

DING DING DING… WE HAVE A WINNER… 

TOP ASSHOLE ROLE: “david” from the guest (2014), no competition. honorable mentions go to stinkman garbageboy from apostle (2018) and the guy from the ticket (2016) because it was a very demanding role and he SOLD it (but i dont recommend the movie its shot very blandly).

TOP FOP ROLE: you already know who it is……. prince adam from the 2017 liveaction remake of beauty and the beast (2017) but only from the first five minutes of this movie !!!!! he raised millions for the fop community and gendered me quite fiercely so we love him for that. a VERY VERY VERY and i cannot overstate how VERY close second is alexander lemtov from that cursed eurovision movie (2020). slav gay rights !!!

HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS MONTH INCLUDE

me watching that shitty eurovision movie till 4am and screaming at every single cringy eurovision thing will ferrell got wrong

the great rigging of my dracula (2006) review on letterboxd which now rules as the undisputed Top Opinion of that page

losing all of my sanity points while watching adam sandler’s the cobbler (2014)

criminal activities (2015) plot-twist that comes 5 minutes before the movie ends and its so fucking funny i love this bad movie

THE GRAND UNRAVELING OF CONVERSION THERAPY THEMES IN THE LIVE ACTION REMAKE OF BEAUTY AND THE BEAST (2017)

me losing my shit once i realized that killswitch (2017) is a twitch stream someone turned into a movie, the first person POV took me out so bad

the funko pop documentary fiasco 

SO THATS IT, i had a lot of fun and im glad u guys enjoyed this month as well !!!! i’ll be updating my letterboxd list with this important information in the near future !!!! till the next augustevens !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3