#i will be passed up time and time again by the latest straight cis white man out the factory

[the-valiant-valkyrie]

if i see one more white guy say that colleges are a waste of time and you can pursue a creative career without them im going to lose my mind

[aphrodisians]

◜     choi  yerim  ,  ciswoman  ,  twenty .     ◞     ┈     through     her     all     -     seeing     crystal     ball,     [     𝚁𝙴𝙳𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝙳     ]     has     her     winking     eye     trained     on     hestia     jones.     the     ever - enigmatic     fifth     year     is     infamous     for     her     righteous     ways,     but     something     new     seems     to     be     weighing     our     resident     au     courant     down.     a     rumor     is     spreading     through     these     ancient     halls     like     fiendfyre,     &     even     their     erudite     face     can't     save     them     from     the     flames.     she     can     try     to     drown     out     their     sorrows     to     the     tune     of     goddess,     but     xana     can't     fix     everything     ⏤     much     less     something     as     grim     as     [     𝚁𝙴𝙳𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝙳     ].     but     ten     points     to     ravenclaw     for     trying.

hey  besties <3  i’m  cc  &  i’m  super  excited  2  be  here!  i’m  writing  your  local  hater,  hestia  jones,  who  i’ve  actually  never  written  before  but  i’m  really  excited  for  her.  anywhomstdve,  i’d  love  to  plot  w  all  of  you  &  i’m  ecstatic  for  this!

⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐚𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬.⠀ ⠀

an  accidental  crack  of  a  book  spine  that  echoes  throughout  an  otherwise  silent  library,  never  letting  anything  pass  you  by  –  never  letting  yourself  be  unaware,  unwelcome  surprises  that  you  greet  with  flushed  cheeks  and  clenched  fists,  a  collection  of  skirts  stolen  from  a  mother  that  has  seemed  to  have  forgotten  you,  bruises  forming  next  to  the  scrapes  on  almost - broken  knees,  passing  tears  off  as  just  ‘my  eyes  are  sweating’  &  heavy,  heavy,  bags  underneath  eyes  that  just  never  seem  to  sleep.

⠀ ﹟𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐲

birth  name.    jeong  hyun - ae nickname(s)  /  alias(es).    hestia  jones. preferred  name.    hestia  jones,  only  hyun - ae  to  family  +  very  close  friends age  +  dob.    twenty  +  dec.  23 hometown.    belfast,  ireland blood  status.    half  -  blood house.    ravenclaw activities.    fifth  year  prefect,  ravenclaw  chaser,  chess  +  duelling label.    au  courant  –    aware  of  what  is  going  on;  well  informed ethnicity.    korean nationality.    irish gender.    cis  woman pronouns.    she  +  her face  claim.    choi  yerim

⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐛𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐝.⠀ ⠀

height.    five  feet,  seven  inches  /  170cm tattoos.    none piercings.    earlobes  only scars.    a  two  cm  line  that  lays  horizontally  above  her  left  eyebrow  from  falling  off  her  broomstick  during  her  third  year  at  hogwarts hair.    never  dyed,  meticulously  taken  care  of  but  rarely  styled.  naturally  falls  straight  and  is  often  left  down eyes.    round  and  dark,  accompanied  often  by  dark  bags  underneath  and  an  absence  of  makeup usual  expression.    stressed.  just  like,  if  you  look  at  her  you  can  tell  she’s  going  through  it  (  and  has  been  for  like  the  past  three  years  ),,,  she  needs a  break  but  she  will  not  be  getting  one  <3 distinguishing  features.    cheeks  that  always  seem  to  be  flushed  a  rosy  hue  of  pink,  bags  underneath  her  eyes  that  are  haphazardly  covered  with  fake  glasses or  makeup,  brown  -  hued  hair  that  just  always  falls  correctly

⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀

( + )  positive.    erudite,  bluestocking,  intuitive,  heedful ( - ) negative.    righteous,  hubristic,  zealous,  moralistic natal  chart.    triple  capricorn,  pour  one  out mbti.    istj  -  a,  investigator moral  alignment.    neutral  good godly  parent.    athena languages  spoken.    korean  +  english likes.    quiet  -  the  kind  of quiet  that  comes  only  in  the  early  hours  of  the  morning  +  in  restricted  access  zones  where  it’s  close  to  silence  (  but  not  quite  ),  victory  in  all  forms,  feeling  appreciated  tbh,  sleeping  but  genuinely  hasn’t  gotten  a  good  night  of  sleep  in  years,  the  color  yellow,  scarves  that  are  long  enough  to  wrap  her  entire  head  <3,  being  a  hater dislikes.    attention  (  though  she  is  overjoyed  /  obsessed  with  winning  ),  losing  -  a  notoriously  sore  loser,  being  out  of  control  in  any  situation  -  even  if  she  can  have  no  humanly  control  over  it,  nail  polish  (  because  she  bites  her  nails  :/  ),  actually  reading  i’ll  be  honest,  staircases quirks.    as  mentioned  above,  bites  her  nails  often,  doodles  when  stressed  (  which  is  all  the  time  )  -  is  halfway  decent  at  it  too  thanks  to  all  of  the  practice,  can  fall  asleep  in  two  seconds  if  given  the  opportunity,  taps  her  foot  a  lot hobbies.    being  a  hater,  being  obnoxious  enough  to  have  attention  (  aka  dramatic  )  n  then  having  the  audacity  to  complain  about  the  stress

⠀ ﹟𝐝𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐞𝐫

when  he  meets  your  mother,  he  tells  you  it’s  like  the  world  stopped  turning.  she  was  enchanting,  he  says,  like  a  rose  blooming  in  the  dead  of  winter,  a  blossom  of  red  among  a  blanket  of  white  -  and  he  swears  that  he  has  never  loved  anyone  more.  their  romance  is  swift,  a  bouquet  of  flowers  traded  for  an  engagement  ring  and  a  passionate  kiss  exchanged  for  the  start  of  a  family.  your  father  never  says  anything  bad  about  your  mother,  raising  you  on  his  own  with  a  faint  line  on  his  ring  finger.  she  will  be  back  soon,  he  says  with  glazed  eyes  and  love-flushed  cheeks  that  you  seem  to  inherit.  she  will  come  back  soon,  he  tucks  you  in  with  a  faraway  look  on  his  features  and  you  realize  with  a  ceiling  full  of  glow-in-the-dark  stars  that  he  isn’t  okay.  but,  you  hold  his  hand  when  crossing  the  streets  with  you  leading  and  you  let  him  dawdle  about  your  mother  and  you  pat  the  top  of  his  head  when  he  falls  asleep  waiting  for  your  mother.  she’ll  be  back,  he  says,  unaware  that  she  only  visits  when  he’s  not  around.  she  will  come  back  soon,  he  waits  for  her,  a  stranger  in  his  own  body.

you  yearn  for  control  the  way  your  peers  yearn  for  freedom.  freedom,  you  have  enough  of,  but  everything  in  your  life  is  just  out  of  reach.  for  your  entire  childhood,  you  grasp  at  everything  and  nothing,  your  fingers  brushing  past  the  things  you  desire  most.  you  are  a  young  girl  with  magic  in  your  blood,  but  you  watch  from  the  end  of  your  driveway  as  life  seems  to  spin  so  wildly  out  of  control.  your  father  isn’t  okay,  but  you  don’t  understand  why.  your  mother  comes  around  wearing  guilt  like  one  wears  a  birthmark  and  you  can’t  fathom  why.  you  are  left  alone  on  playgrounds  and  with  scrapes  on  your  knees  and  people  whisper  about  you  but  you  don’t  understand  why.  life  goes  on  with  or  without  you,  and  you  think  it  unacceptable.  it’s  infuriating  being  in  the  backseat,  unable  to  control,  unable  to  know.  when  a letter  falls  into  your  hands,  you  swear  to  use  it  to  your  advantage.  you  refuse  to  ever  be  in  the  dark  again.

you  arrive  on  your  own,  a  year  older  than  your  peers,  a  sheltered  girl  from  a  muggle  world  and  you  look  around,  determined  to  change  your  life.  it’s  obvious  to  anyone  early  on  that  you’re  a  bright  girl,  ambition  tied  into  your  intelligence,  potential  pouring  over  every  single  one  of  your  edges.  for  a  while,  it  comes  easily.  you  know  things,  you  understand  things;  most  of  all,  you  learn  how  terribly  things  can  go  wrong.  you  swear  to  never  let  that  happen  to  you,  but  of  course,  life  has  bigger  plans  for  you.  the  first  few  years  fly  by  quick  and  your  hands  build  up  a  reputation  that  you’re  eager  to  upkeep.  you  wipe  the  sweat  off  of  your  palms  onto  your  skirts,  you  might  use  magic  to  make  sure  your  hair  always  looks  good,  you  always  know  the  latest  news,  you  always  pass  your  classes.  then,  you  go  home  during  your  third  year  to  an  empty  house  and  your  father  is gone.

when  you  return  after  the  winter  holidays,  it’s  obvious  that  something  is  -  wrong,  but  you  do  your  thing  and  you  pretend  everything  is  okay.  your  mother  in  all  of  her  magic  and  love  writes  you  a  letter,  telling  you  that  you’ll  be  in  her  care  and  that  only  stresses  you  out  more,  giving  you  gray  hair  and  bags  underneath  your  eyes  that  never  seem  to  away  from  that  point  on.  every  blink  is  heavier  now,  every  sliver  of  information  repeated  as  least  three  more  times,  everything  you  learn  adds  a  little  more  weight  to  your  shoulders.  but  you  soldier  on.  you  become  more  and  more  high  strung,  more  sharp,  more  wretched  with  stress  that  shouldn’t  be  yours  to  shoulder.  you  are  still  an  intelligent  girl,  still  a  bright  witch,  still  gleaming  with  potential;  but  you  almost  permanently  look  like  you’ve  been  handled  an  impossible  task  and  worse,  you  wear  your  flushed  cheeks  almost  as  your  father  did,  a  fact  that  you  dislike  whenever  you  see  yourself  in  the  mirror.

⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬

⠀ ⠀  ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ has  a relatively  tough  exterior,  but  wow,  words  hurt  and  hestia  is  a  lot  more  sensitive  than  she  cares  to  admit.  say  one  off  thing  about  her  and  she’ll  be  all  “i  can’t  stand  it  here!”  and  storm  off  angrily,  but  she’s  really  just  gonna  go  cry  in  the  owlery  and  talk  to  the  owls  as  if  they  can  understand  her  through  her  snot  bubbles.

  ⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ is  this  genius  of  a  witch,  right,  but  is  the  messiest  person  ever.  her  area  in  her  dorm  is  just  .  .  .  yeah,  it’s  messy.  she  comes  to  the  library,  throws  seven  books  down,  loses  ten  pages  of  notes;  is  disorganized  and  completely  messy,  but  at  least  she  always  looks  put  together.

  ⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ coming  right  off  of  the  last  one,  because  she  cares  most  about  her  image  +  her  reputation  than  she  does  anything  else,  mostly  because  it’s  all  that  she  thinks  she  has.  so,  yeah,  she  may  be  consistently  stressed  out  and  on  the  brink  of  a  breakdown,  but  at  least  she  looks  GOOD.

  ⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ her  style  is  a  little   .  .  .  amateur,  if  i’m  being  honest. very  season  one  rachel  berry.  always  looks  in  uniform  even  if  she’s  out  of  uniform  and  it’s  because  she  has  no  personality  than  being  a  ravenclaw  prefect  idk  what  you  want  me  to  tell  you.  she  has  never  been  normal  once.

  ⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ i  laugh  and  kid,  but  she’s  genuinely  a  genius.  might  have  a  bit  of  dyslexia,  but  is  just,,,  a  smart  kid.  also  makes  it  her  entire  personality  though,  so  i’m  not  sure  what  to  do  about  that.

 ⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ also,  not  to  be  That  Girl  that’s  so  quirk  n  clumsy,  but  hestia  is  always  injured.  not  gravely,  but  a  scrape  on  her  knee,  a  cut  on  her  cheek,  tape  around  her  fingers,  etc.  etc.  she’s  a  problem,  to  say  the  least,  and  always  hastily  takes  care  of  herself  (  aka,  cleans  it,  leaves  it  ).

 ⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ in  general,  is  a  hater,  but  is  so  STRESSED  from  having  a  #missing  father  that  she’s  just  like  :|  in  every  situation.  i  wouldn’t  call  her  awkward  per  se,  but  she  definitely  just  says  what  she  wants  when  she  wants  cause  there’s  “no  point  in  quieting  myself  for  someone’s  comfort”  idk?

⠀ ⠀ ﹟𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧.⠀ ⠀ in  MY  canon,  hestia  actually  conjures  up  a  fox  patronus,  but  it’s  non  corporeal  for  now  simply  because  she  literally  cannot  focus  long  enough  to  cast  the  charm  correctly  –  in  fact,  a  lot  of  her  magic  has  been  suffering  for  the  past  few  years  due  to  her  stress,  something  that  really  only  stresses  her  out  more  rip  in  pieces.

⠀ ﹟𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝  𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

academic  rival:   personally,  i’d  love  for  someone  who’s  just  naturally  good  at  academia  to  be  her  rival,  like  the  person  who  doesn’t  study  and  “doesn’t  care”  but  always  just  manages  to  beat  her  in  scores;  yeah,  i  think  that’d  be  fun  to  watch  her  spontaneously  combust.

significant  annoyance:  someone  who  really  just  is  the  person  to  tell  hestia  she’s  wound  up  too  tight  all  the  time  and  tries  to  get  her  to  live  her  life,  but  she  just  sees  them  as  someone  who’s  ANNOYING  HER  because  maybe  her  entire  life  is  being  uptight,  ever  think  of  that?  rabastan

quidditch  rival:  because  quidditch  is  really  the  only  time  she  lets  her  hair  down  per  se,  this  rivalry  is  more  friendly  than  it  is  serious like  the  academic  rival,  but  there’s  still  a  lot  of  trash  talk  involved  and  meet  ups  in  the  corridors  to  talk  shit  <3

best  friend:  the  one  person  who  she’s  like  .  .  .  super  grateful  for  because  they’re  always  there,  no  matter  what  she  goes  through  or  does  to  them  through  her  stress  induced  breakdowns.  you  know.  they’re  bffs  and  always  eat  together  and  spend  time  together  n  gossip  together.  eloise

tutee:  someone  that  either  hestia’s  offered  to  help  or  has  been  forced  to  help,  either  way,  she’s  as  strict  as  any  professor  and  takes  her  job  completely  seriously.  as  in,  will  approach  them  in  the  great  hall  and  ask  if  they’ve  done  the  work  they’re  supposed  to  do.

stress  reliever:  imagine  this  -  hestia  comes  up  to  your  muse  and  is  like  we  need  to  talk,  but  they  just  find  a  nice  seat  underneath  one  of  the  archways  and  talk  into  the  night,  they  make  hestia  laugh,  hestia  makes  them  laugh,  they  have  flushed  cheeks  by  the  end  of  it  and  she  doesn’t  speak  to  them  otherwise.  xenophilius 

their  biggest  anti:  ur  muse’s  #1  hater???  hestia  jones  <3  why?  probably  because  they’re  better  than  she  is  and  she’s  a  nightmare  of  a  person  so  it’s  just  her  being  their  biggest  anti,  probably  runs  a  hate  account  dedicated  toward  them  tbh  <3  rodolphus

The  Ex:  you  know.  the  ex.  didn’t  end  the  way  they  wanted  it  to  so  there’s  A  Lot  There.  longing  glances,  awkward  bumps,  lots  of  what-ifs  .  .  .  a  lot  of  sad  headcanons,  a  lot  of  wholesome  headcanons.  yeah

like  family:  just  someone  who  hestia  is  so  comfortable  with  that  it  feels  like  they’re  family.  and  by  family,  i  mean  like  the  kind  to  tackle  her  on  sight  just  for  fun,  the  sort  to  tease  her  and  make  everyone  believe  it’s  her  birthday.  you  know?

also  a  barely  filled  tag  here  n  anything  u  can  possibly  brainstorm  i’d  love  <3  thank  u  love  u 

[kickasskody]

                          DAKOTA ‘ kody ’ PIERCE, a character study.  “just because i cannot see it, doesn’t mean i cannot believe it.” -- jack skellington

Character’s full name: dakota pierce Reason for name and/or meaning of name: kody’s parents met and fell in love in north dakota, and decided to name their son after the great state 💖 Character’s nickname: kody Reason for nickname: in middle school, kody didn’t think the name dakota was cool. but the name kody, the most generic white boy name ever , was definitely cool Birth date: december 13th, 2002. baby sagittarius 

Physical appearance Faceclaim: austin abrams Gender: cis male Height: 5″8 #shortking Build: scrawny boy body. looks like he couldn’t lift more than 30 pounds... PSYCH!!! he’s a vampire so he can actually lift several hundred pounds 🤪🤪🤪 Eye color: blue with little dark green specks Glasses or contacts?: not with that snazzy 4k vampire sight !! Distinguishing marks/scars: funny little frecklescape on his back that looks like this emoji 😦 Hair color: dirty blonde Type of hair: type 1, aka straight hair Hairstyle: gets up out of bed, looks in mirror. maybe tussles it a little bit. thats it Physical disabilities: none Mental disabilities: adhd Clothing style: sweaters sweaters sweaters. striped sweaters ( because the best time to wear one is all the time ), disney sweaters, sweaters with dogs on them. white collared shirts to go underneath most of them. denim jackets, a couple of them tattering with holes in the elbows. black skinny jeans -- like he owns four pairs of the same black skinny jeans. someone tell him that skinny jeans aren’t in style anymore. uses the same jansport backpack he’s had since the eighth grade with a sewn in epcot center patch on the front pocket. dirty checkered vans. falling apart high-top converse. it’s not that he’s poor and can’t afford new things, he just prefers all his old stuff.  Make up: has never worn any but wouldn’t be opposed to trying some !!

Personality Good personality traits: good at secret keeping, friendly and uplifting, loyal, thoughtful, great memory, cautious, playful. chaotic good energy  🥰 Bad personality traits: gullible, slightly obnoxious, constantly confused, easily distracted Mood character is most often in: cheery, happy as f, practically bouncing off the walls Sense of humor: goddamn hilarious!!! at least he thinks so lol Articulation: loud and occasionally stuttery. repeating himself pretty often. the type to get lost in the middle of conversation and have to take a second to mentally loop back and remember what exactly they were talking about. uses the word ‘ like ‘ way too much. talks with his hands a whole lot. constantly talking like he’s a kooky disney character on a mission. Character’s greatest joy in life: riding a mf’in roller coaster Character’s greatest fear: disneyworld getting blown up / physically hurting someone  Character is most at ease when: he’s curled up with his friends watching a disney movie Most ill at ease when: he’s laying in bed at night, pretending he’s sleeping since he can’t Enraged when: thinking about how there are vampires in bridgemead -- that they could turn other people, kill other people, or worse... harm his friends.  Depressed or sad when: drinking from a blood bag. watching disney pixar’s coco. thinkin’ about a disneyworld churro and how he’ll never be able to enjoy the taste of one again. Priorities: at the moment? trying not to hurt anybody.  Life philosophy: “Keep Moving Forward!” -- walt disney said that Greatest strength: his optimism / ability to take something sad or bad and turn it around! Greatest vulnerability or weakness: giving just about anyone the benefit of the doubt. 

Goals Drives and motivations: getting enough money to be able to travel the world and visit every disney park on the planet.  Immediate goals: graduating high school / helping the scooby gang solve mysteries Long term goals: roller coaster designer / engineer. create a haunted house / rollercoaster hybrid ride

Childhood Hometown: orlando, florida Type of childhood: the kind where he’s an only child, where his middle class parents live to please and spoil him, take him to whatever amusement park he wanted to go to and buy him all the best merch. the smile on his face was worth more than anything they ever could’ve purchased for themselves. kody probably would’ve had siblings, but his parents had complications getting pregnant again, and thus they lived to make sure he had the best life possible.  Pets: a cat named toulouse ( shoutout aristocats ), but he passed when kody was fifteen Most important childhood memory: waiting in line for five hours to ride harry potter and the forbidden journey at universal studios orlando. blew his little kid mind. Dream job: imagineer!! Religion: non-practicing christians. church on easter and christmas ONLY!

Present Current location: bridgemead, massachusetts Currently living with: his parents 💖 Pets: none Religion: agnostic Sexuality: currently questioning his sexuality. growing up he always felt attracted to both boys and girls, but has never been able to articulate it. he’s only ever expressed interest in women, but he has a fat crush on chris evans as captin america Politics: would be socialist if he cared enough to think about politics Occupation/education: bridgemead high school super senior Mode of transportation: his parents dark blue prius!! but only thursday - sunday

Family Parent one: marcus pierce -- drug store manager Relationship with them: kody and his dad are best buds! if it weren’t for his fathers love for rollercoasters, kody doesn’t know what his life would be like today. they used to play rollercoaster tycoon growing up and kody still cherishes those memories today. Parent two: tina pierce -- bridgemead city manager Relationship with them: kody and his mother have a very loving relationship. however, kody’s adoration for his mother dwindled when it was her job that forced them to move to bridgemead. he thinks of it as her fault that he doesn’t get to go to disneyworld anymore, and there’s a bitter part of him that thinks that if she hadn’t made them leave, he never would’ve become a vampire. he knows its wrong to attribute her to his curse, but sometimes when he’s really sad he cant help it.  Siblings: none Other important family members: his widowed aunt shirley who lives twenty minutes from disneyworld and occasionally would join them on their weekend visits to the parks. he misses her greatly 😩😩

Favorites Color: that bright electric blue color on the cinderella castle at disneyworld  Music: electronic Food: a disneyworld churro.  Film: the incredibles / scooby doo 2002 Drink: pink lemonadde mixed with sprite Form of entertainment: disney+ subscription. if that’s all he had, he’d be content. Most prized possession: a magic kingdom two day passport ticket from the 1980′s

Habits Hobbies: playing rollercoaster tycoon / designing rollercoasters on his computer. obsessively watching ghost club paranormal on youtube. bothering aj with the latest thing on his mind that she definitely doesn’t need to know about Plays a musical instrument?: nope. wishes he could though!  Plays a sport?: nope, but would be great at track now that he’s a vampire! How he would spend a rainy day: playing kingdom hearts II in his pajamas. Spending habits: great at hoarding all of his allowance! since he’s not spending it on food, he’s an excellent saver. pre-vampirism kody was not as cautious with his spending.  Smoking/drinking/drugs?: no way 🙅🏼 has yet to even try alcohol Extremely skilled at: cheering up his friends! finding the good in others and convincing them to see it too 🤗 Extremely unskilled at: stopping himself from crying when he’s sad / when he’s in the middle of crying. putting together pieces of their investigations. sure, he can find things -- but what the hell is he supposed to do with them once he’s got it?!?! Nervous tics: anxious picking at his cuticles. messing with his hair. aggressive foot tapping. scrolling through his phone without actually looking at anything.  Usual body posture: that boy has been working on rollercoaster code on his computer for YEARS. his body posture is absolutely RUINED! Mannerisms: constantly talking with his hands. bouncin’ around like tigger when something exciting happens. abbreviating things that don’t need to be abbreviated. the loudest in the room at all times.

Traits Optimist or pessimist? Introvert or extrovert? Daredevil or cautious? Logical or emotional? Leader or follower? Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat? Prefers working or relaxing? Confident or unsure of himself/herself? Animal lover? HELL YEAH.

Self-perception How do they feels about themselves?: before the year 2020, kody actually quite liked himself! he realized that he was goofy and sometimes not everyones cup of tea, but for the most part, he knew he was a good guy who was a little obnoxious! now, he has mixed feelings about himself. vampirism has elevated a lot of his emotions and more often than not now, he dislikes himself for what he’s become, or what he could become if things turn bloody.  One word the character would use to describe themselves: spunky What does the character consider their best trait?: his compassion What does the character consider their worst trait?: his gullibility  What does the character consider their best physical characteristic?: his fluffy hair !! What does the character consider their worst physical characteristic?: that he’s a short king. stream short kings anthem by tiny meat gang How does the character think others perceive them?: he’s pretty sure most people think that he’s wildly annoying, but that doesn’t stop him from being fully himself most of the time!  What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: his vampirism!! get this shit out of him just make him a normal aging boy again!!

Relationships with others Opinion of other people in general: kody is a big ole’ ball of love, and thus so, he tries to share that with everyone. strangers are treated with compassion, acquaintances are treated as old friends, and friends are treated like family. unless kody already knows someone to be a bad person, or is wary of them, he’s genuinely one of the nicest people one could ever meet. Opinion of the Scooby Gang: talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before, unafraid to reference or not reference, put it in a blender, shit on it, vomit on it, eat it, give birth to it. Does the character hide their true opinions and emotions from others?: it depends on the topic, but for the most part, yes. when it comes to most scooby gang related endeavors, kody will share his thoughts -- if it’s something related to movies or tv, he’ll be talking your ear off for hours. if it’s something that could result in it hurting someone else, he’ll be quiet, and if his vampirism was ever to come into question, he’d be absolutely be suppressing it.  Most important person in character’s life: oh god, not to pick scooby gang favorites, but probably aj. she’s the closest thing he has to a sister, and he doesn’t know what he would do without their banter, and her support. Best friend/s: aj darke, dylan frye, & arabella byrne Dating experience: absolutely none. kissed 2 girls in the span of 2 years over 3 years ago. Romancing: kody wouldn’t know the first thing about trying to get someone to date him. all he knows is the stuff he’s seen on tv, watched in movies, or experienced around him ( such as his parents successful marriage, or his friends dating people ), but if it were to come down to him, he’d be extremely awkward. picture tom holland’s spiderman trying to talk to zendaya’s mj in far from home -- because that’s extremely accurate. kody isn’t trying to date anyone right now for a couple of reasons: one being that he’s too nervous, and not exactly looking for love, but if it were to happen... he wouldn’t run from it necessarily. but two being that his vampirism creates a bit of a problem for him, and he’s not sure if he should subject anyone to the curse he’s stuck with.

Extra Physicality: if necessary, could probably lift a car and throw it down the street. as of right now, doesn’t know how strong he really is / is more concerned about hurting his friends with this supposed strength than he is finding out how many hundreds of pounds he could lift. kody in a fight? probably losing within the first five seconds, unless bloods drawn and the instinct to pounce takes over. Species: vampire How do they feel about it?: hates it. would do anything to reverse it. wishes he had just stayed a little longer at karma cafe that night. or had never gone at all. How do they look in their supernatural form?: pretty much the same, however when he’s hungry and near blood, his eyes go all dark and bloodshot, and the veins around his eyes start to pulse ( basically just like vampire diaries ), but kody is unaware of this since he’s never seen it happen to himself or another vampire

[ourmuse-s]

Luisa Fischer

Deidre Loughridge

Writing About Music

3.7.21

Artist Profile

                                       A Closer Look at Eph See

            Over the past year, I’ve had the opportunity and the pleasure of getting to know Felisha Cabral through classes and mutual friends, and feel as though she has become a person that I can always reach out to and rely on whether it be for musical critique or to get coffee. We first met in a Concert and Venues Promotion class, where I first started to develop my admiration for her confidence and kind, humble heart towards everyone around her. When I had her again in classes the next semester, such as Music Marketing and Promotion, I was always excited to catch up with her before and after class, hear her insights on the lessons and get to know more about what was going on in her life. Unfortunately, Covid-19 sent us home before I had the chance to really get to know her better, but we stayed in touch through instagram likes and comments for the net several months, and I shared some of her music with my family and friends because I could boast how talented people I met at school were.

           Felisha is someone that carries an undeniable energy. It was one of the first things that I noticed about her. She’s not just someone you meet in passing and forget about, but a kind and generous person who will make you feel like you are special, seen and heard. I don’t know her much on a professional level, but after our lessons together we would often take short walks or stand outside with some of our peers and discuss personal matters in our lives without feeling judged (at least on my end). Over quarantine, seeing her name in my instagram notifications brought a light to my day, because her energy radiates through every single one of her actions. When I reached out to her about being interviewed for my Writing About Music class she didn’t hesitate to say yes, and when I told her I was nervous and terrible at interviewing, she assured me that it was going to be just like catching up and having a normal conversation, and that I had nothing to worry about.

           Two minutes before we were scheduled to facetime, she let me know that she was just waiting to take the cupcakes out of her oven, but she would call me as soon as she was ready. When that time had passed and I answered her call, she was sitting in the sunlight in her apartment, smiling through the camera with her big brown eyes. I hadn’t seen her in a while, and I took notice that she had changed her hair again and was sporting space buns that framed her face nicely. The sun was glowing on her dark skin that she used as a canvas to display the bright colors in her eyeshadow, like a work of art in a museum.

           It took us a while to even get to the interview questions, because we were catching up on other matters of life such as her past COOP, how I was worried about CO-OP, where she was living now, how we should go get coffee soon until I had to break out conversation to ask my first real question. She was eager and happy to answer all questions, and would go into detail and offer information to keep the conversation flowing naturally. I got to learn more about her other songs that she’s released through her stage name Eph See, as well as an in-depth view of what she wants to achieve with her music and what it means to her. She offered a lot of intimate details about her life and her identity, and traced them all back to her songs such as “the things i used to care about seem so stupid now” and well as “April”.

           A topic we discussed in detail was the way in which Felisha - or Eph See’s - music was meant to be personal. Felisha wants people to be able to process their emotions through her music, and give them the words that they aren’t able to express themselves. The most played track on her SoundCloud is “the things i used to care about seem so stupid now”, the song she says is probably most authentic to her. The opening line “lately I’ve been feeling like my past self is slowly peeling away” displays the identity issues that Felisha was going through at the time, but she looks back at that time with a different perspective today. She told me: “I had what people would call a mental breakdown and it was really scary but needed” and that’s exactly what the emotion that the song creates. Her latest release “April” is another intimate look into the changes a person can go through as the seasons change. When I asked about upcoming songs, Felisha said that she’s currently in her winter season, and is letting herself rest. “My life follows the seasons,” she says. Winter is cold and dark, and she feels as though her best creative self is reborn with the sun in the springtime, much like how the song says.

           Felisha brought up points of struggle such as being a femme artist in the music industry, and the pressure from that to write love songs when she felt like she had so much more to offer. Not only that, but she mentioned that as being a femme and non-binary person of color makes her feel less in tune with a lot of people she’s worked with in the past, who have mostly been straight, cis white men. She wants to work with people that understand her on other levels, and care less about the marketability of her music and more on the energy that she puts into it. Felisha mentioned several times that it’s important for music to give people a voice for their struggles, their feelings, and their thoughts, especially amidst the pandemic, and she wants her music to be relatable for people living their everyday lives. For example, her song “Body” describes the struggle of mental health and feeling lost and disconnected from yourself. In it, she sings “I don’t wanna seem like I’m crying for help but I’m having a hard time finding myself and I don’t want to lie” and “I don’t want you to worry about my health but I’m having a hard time sleeping sometimes, can’t get through the night”. Dark lyrics, but one that many people, especially in the times we are living in now, have struggled with.

           For this reason, she says she’s stopped caring about how she looks on paper in the industry, and has been writing songs of all different sounds that she’s proud of and excited to release in the future. She’s tired of trying to be someone marketable, and wants to just be herself and release whatever type of music she wants. Eph See (Felisha’s) music can be best described as indie-pop, but she doesn’t want to limit herself to any genre and be as fluid as she wants in the sounds she creates. She said that her new unreleased music is different from what she’s put out so far, and she’s excited to grow as an artist and in the type of music she releases. She wants to be a “one stop shop” for those people who listen to a wide variety of music and show off the fact that she can be more than just a one-genre or one-sound artist. Felisha is currently working with a producer on six new songs, but as it’s still her ‘hibernation’ season, you can probably find her playing around with her guitar in her apartment and recording videos for her TikTok.

           I’m so excited to see what Eph See, or Felisha, puts out in the future. She has a lot of ambition, passion and determination for her music, and staying authentic to whatever she wants to do and I have no doubt that it will take her far in life both musically and as a person.

[captainofthetidesbreath]

Over the past few days (ETA 9/26: this post was written September 2, 2017), a year long, passive aggressive dispute I’ve been involved with has come to a head. This dispute, which has originated in the Star Wars roleplay community here on Tumblr, has been with someone I’m referring to as Vik, the name I believe she’s going by.

What follows is, yes, a callout post, but one that, in my feeling, has been previously explicitly invited by the other party. At this time, as Vik has indicated that she is closing down most of her roleplay blogs, I’m posting this to give a better overview of the dispute as I have personally experienced it and in an attempt to head off at the pass accusations that Vik was treated overly harshly this week.

It is, primarily, a document of the entire history of the dispute as it seems to me from where I am standing. I feel it disingenuous for Vik to characterize the dispute as solely over her not accepting a headcanon into her own interpretation. For me, I've settled into an animosity with Vik due to her bigoted patterns of behavior over the past year, and any attempt to recently adopt LGBT headcanons for certain characters or dress up her statements in pseudo-progressive language cannot adequately mask that.

ETA 9/26: with the newest iteration of Vik’s blog, probably worth noting that she has read this post and she does not refute any of the accusations I put forward. Though, it is equally worth noting that the page in which she notes this is written in a somewhat tongue in cheek manner, interpret as you will (trackaflitnat, webcitation)

Who is involved?

Well, there’s a lot of people involved, if you define involved as referenced or addressed at any point during the feud. But, the major players are:

Myself, Gena. I blog from ordowennen (formerly cassiansfuzzyjacket), roleplay from nullclass, and maintain an aesthetic blog at knifeedgekindofman.

Vik, also referred to by others as Merlia. Runs a plethora of blogs, but the following are the relevant: roleplay blogs merliaseidon and nullarc6 (which was located at null-6 until August 30, personal blog andriktheunsmiling (now deactivated, later moved to rc-6666), and finnessential. On September 26, 2017, she started her Kom’rk blog again at trackaflitnat. New personal as of April 2018 at sharkbitch. Here is a list of her blogs, as provided by herself.

Izzy, who blogs from izzovercoffee and roleplayed from tapcaftogo. Izzy is one of the parties with whom Vik disagrees, and I believe that Vik addresses many of her vagueblogging to Izzy in addition to myself. For the purposes of this post, and because I can only speak to myself, I will refer to most vagueblogging in reference to only myself.

What is the dispute?

For me, my animosity towards Vik comes out of her bigotry, and I’ve observed behavior that I’ve felt to be racist, transphobic, and misogynistic or that I’ve felt to be implicitly supporting such bigotry.

Vik recently characterized the dispute (original version of August 30 post), as over headcanon interpretations of Kom’rk, in which she feels that myself and others are upset that she does not wish to incorporate our headcanon of a non-cis Kom’rk into her own interpretation and she feels that posts about such headcanons should not be put into the “#Kom’rk Skirata” tag. She also felt that the headcanon was done to make Kom’rk “a punching bag” and felt that the headcanon was more regressive than progressive (archived version of her August 30 regs page).

Previously, her characterization of the dispute, in my understanding, was a difference in interpretation over Etain and Kal. I view Kal as an emotionally abusive father and believe that Etain was subjected to emotional manipulation and coercion; Vik views Kal as a flawed character but not abusive and believes that Etain is an active player in a storyline where she selfishly gets pregnant and manipulates her lover.

Where each of us stand on the differences in character interpretation is somewhat better detailed in a later section “On my vagueblogging”

How did this start?

When Vik came to resent my interpretation of Kal and Etain, I cannot answer. However, I can say that the bad blood between us began on June 4, 2016. Vik and myself were both in a Skype group chat for a while by then. On June 4, 2016, I asked the chat if they had any suggestions for nonwhite actors because I was fancasting Republic Commando. I emphasized that I “aggressively” interpret every human character in the novels as nonwhite. Another member of the chat, whom I will refer to as S—, accused myself and the others of being racist toward white people. This person had a history of trolling in the chat, but despite our efforts to ignore them, the situation escalated. After this person was initially called out for their racist behavior, Vik left the chat.

The Skype logs are located here, from the beginning of the conversation to Vik’s departure.

Though the following situation in the chat did not strictly involve Vik, Vik continued to support and even enable S— long after June 4, and the situation in the chat very much framed how myself and Izzy reacted to Vik. The situation escalated to open aggression after Vik’s departure, and S— became very angry that myself, Izzy, and a third person continued to discuss nonwhite people, particularly Fo Porter, and booted us from the chat saying we needed a timeout. S— readded us to the chat, but Izzy and myself left shortly after.

The Skype logs for that portion, from Vik’s departure to Izzy and my departures, are posted here.

Immediately after, I learned that Vik had blocked me and made a small statement discussed in the next section. In response to S—’s reaction, and to the general silence it was met with from others in the chat (that, or dismissal of it as petty drama), Izzy made a post regarding this incident generally addressing the response from the group, which Izzy (and myself) generally felt to be implicitly supporting the actions of an aggressive racist (S—) through their silence and refusal to cut ties with them.

At some point, Vik added to her Kom’rk guidelines page referencing this schism (nullarc6, webcitation dated to April 2, webcitation dated to August 26). I added a similar section to my own rules page on April 2 (nullclass). Izzy added a similar section to their own rules page as well (tapcaftogo).

On bigotry

She dismissed this dispute, in the name that having such a debate was ruining other people’s fun (merliaseidon-archived, webcitation):‘#sorry guys but i come on tumblr to have fun.#[x0x0:// ooc]’ I generally find it unsavory the recurring implication in fandom that people need to keep their mouth shut and avoid causing so-called drama by calling out racism when they see it, and I find it unsavory here. Many of us are instructed to suffer bigotry aimed at our identities in silence so as to not ruin the fun of others, but our own fun and our own desire to have fun in a space that isn’t bigoted is not allowed to exist.

Twice afterward, she brings up the whiteness of both Karen Traviss, writer of Republic Commando, and George Lucas as a sort of trump card against any criticism, explicitly as a response to headcanons: in April 2017 (nullarc6, webcitation) and in August 2017 (nullarc6, webcitation). This is especially insidious as myself and Izzy, both the ones she has much of the dispute with, are persons of color. This aggressive reiteration that the creators of a piece of media are white as a response to headcanons are difficult to interpret in any way other than a forceful attempt to make fans of color feel unwelcome. Please note, the Skype dispute was over fancasting the humans of Republic Commando as nonwhite.

Generally, Vik gives the impression of one who feels upset or threatened at the idea that people who are nonwhite, queer, or both exist in her space and mocked their desire to feel represented in media she enjoys.

In August 2017, (nullarc6, webcitation), in response to headcanons that Kom’rk was not cis, not straight, and presents in a traditionally hyper-feminine manner, a headcanon held mostly by queer fans, she stated: “It must be a sad world you live in when your only out is to come up with increasingly non-viable HC in order to warp a character to your own wants in the name of ‘representation’.” She also said of people searching to see themselves represented through these headacanons: “What’s worse is that you make these HC’s that literally transforms the character into even less of a person, it’s not representation it is a sad take on a background character that turns them into a hollow shell to appeal to your kinks and fetishization. These choices you’re making aren’t realistic, you’ve literally reduced the character down to their sexuality and gender and nothing else.”

This is a sentiment she’s expressed at least once before, in April 2017 (nullarc6, webcitation), saying that this headcanon was a “over the top gay trans Kom’rk”. This aggressive response to this headcanon is difficult for me to interpret in any way other than she believes queer people have no right to headcanon characters to search for representation of themselves.

She stated this twice more: once in a post in August 30 (webcitation, current version of the post retracts much of this) and again in an August 30 update to her regs page (webcitation, current version retracts much of this). I don’t intend to unpack here the argument that Kom’rk as not cishet is being used as a punching bag (we’ve written about Kom’rk well beyond a relationship with Kal and beyond Kal’s discontent with this identity), as a promiscuous stereotype (none of us have written anything about Kom’rks sexual activity), or inconsistencies in what we interpret Kom’rk gender identity to be (Izzy, myself, and other adoptees of this headcanons have different interpretations). What is important here, for me, is that despite this pseudo-progressive language, it is the latest in a long line of attacking the headcanon on its face and an unwillingness to understand how queer identity works. At any rate, sgtbossman ha already written a good post addressing some of the issues with the recent posts Vik has made.

On Vik’s personal attacks

I might’ve made some unsavory comments about Vik’s ability to interpret material, please see the end of this post “On my vagueblogging”, but at the very least, I kept all comments to the realm of fandom, and I never made personal attacks on the basis of her personal life. Vik, on the other hand, made a personal attack on the basis of my personal life and the personal lives of others. This, I believe, is most damning in this dispute. And, despite Vik’s statement that she’s only ever commented on what crossed her dash (webcitation), these personal attacks based on information that can’t have possibly crossed her dash speak otherwise.

She made comments regarding my hope to work in the film industry in February 2017 (andriktheunsmiling-deactivated,webcitation); I began film school only after the Skype dispute and began my second semester of film school in January 2017. She seems to have made a personal attack on Rev, thesummerstorms, in April 2017 (merliaseidon,webcitation); Rev was student teaching at the time and was hoping to begin teaching full-time. She made a personal attack on the traumas and difficult paternal relationships myself and those associated with me have had in July 2017 (nullarc6,webcitation), saying that our criticism of Kal and“dismantling [of] his general character” comes entirely from“daddy issues”.

In August 2017 (nullarc6, webcitation), she also accused myself and those she has a dispute with of having“alienated, abused, and bullied other people in the fandom that didn’t bend to their will” and of expecting others in the fandom to“to bend to [our] will and follow along like a good little sheep with everything [we] say”. This is a hefty accusation. I’m not at all sure what behavior Vik is characterizing as alienating, abusive, and bullying. Is it our arguing against the claims of reverse racism when creating an entirely nonwhite fancast? Is it our vocal belief that Kal is abusive and manipulative and our vocal belief that Etain is put through intense misogyny in both canon and fandom? Is it that we would rather not form close online relationships with people who fundamentally disagree on these two interpretations that mean greatly to us? Is it that we argued with one of her friends about his statement that “all clone troopers are immune to PTSD” because of our belief that it played into the dehumanizing belief that nonwhite men do not feel pain or stress? She has not clarified, so I do not know.

On trolling

The first post Vik created while roleplaying as Kom’rk was on June 6, 2016 (nullarchived June 2016 archive, webcitation), two days after the events in the Skype logs in the previous section. She continues to maintain a Kom’rk roleplay to this day. Her having a Kom’rk roleplay blog is something I have no issue with, and in any other context, this would be a silly and irrelevant detail. However, Vik created her Kom’rk blog for the purposes to trying to prove at point to myself and others due to the fact that we have differences in interpretation.

She has explicitly stated this in November 2016 (nullarc6, webcitation):‘#Why the fuck do you think this account exists. #Not because I have a particular interest in playing a clone at the time. #but because he doesn't belong to you and as such can be interpreted however I damn well please #and your headcanon is just that headcanon #[Rainbow fuck you between hands.] #L O L O L O L O L. #AHAHAHAHAHAA #Control Room [OOC]’

She also made two statements framing her holding of the null-6 and komrk-skirata URLs acts as its own trump card, once in April 2017 (now at nullarc6, webcitation) and once in August 2017 (nullarc6, webcitation). On April 15, 2017 (same link), she seems to have believed this gave her better leave to spam the“#Kom’rk Skirata” tag, especially in response to variative posting about a headcanon that Kom’rk does not identify as male (variative). Please note that by April 18, 2017, there was only one post in the tag at the time mentioning Kom’rk as trans or non-straight: archive.is,wayback.

Here, I admit, on April 17, I posted two quotes from the novels featuring Kom’rk into the‘#Kom’rk Skirata’ tag in response to her threat to spam the tag: one quote, second quote.

Vik did later attempt to spam the tag from her komrk-skirata blog, on April 18, posting six tags from the novels involving Kom’rk (komrk-skirata, webcitation). The attempt was unsuccessful. To this date, none of those posts from komrk-skirata appear in the tags: link to #Kom’rk Skirata, link to #Komrk Skirata, link to #Null 6.

She later again openly stated that she was indeed writing Kom’rk for the pure purposes of making people angry (August 30 webcitation of her regs).

On hypocrisy

In November 2016 (andriktheunsmiling-deactivated, webcitation), she decried that my experiences affected how I read and viewed Republic Commando and its characters, saying that I was “butthurt about my life experiences”, believing that “people interpreting fictional characters different is an attack on my person”, and putting “gold stars on the ‘world is evil and out to get me’ report for the week”. In February 2017 (andriktheunsmiling-deactivated, webcitation), she criticized me for allegedly not understanding that“people will read or view media in different ways because our perception and understanding of things is tied to life experiences.” In July 2017 (nullarc6, webcitation), she belittled the extremely difficult at best, traumatic at worst paternal relationships of those she is in disagreement with, decrying them because she felt their perception and understanding of Kal is too much tied to life experiences. She accuses me of refusing to allow that she interprets Kal differently because her life experience is different from mine, and yet when I interpret Kal different because my life experience is different from hers, it’s something worthy of ridicule and it’s unfairly clouding my judgment of Kal.

In November 2016 (andriktheunsmiling-deactivated, webcitation), she insists on her right to tag her blog and her headcanons as she pleases, but in July 2017 (nullarc6, webcitation), she mocks others when they see it fit to tag their own headcanons about Kom’rk with“#Kom’rk Skirata”. Note: osik means shit in the constructed language Mando’a, spoken in Republic Commando by many characters including Kal and Kom’rk.

Her general antagonism toward a queer Kom’rk headcanon makes her sudden adoption of a(n inconsistently worded) queer Mereel headcanon feel disingenuous (nullarc6, webcitation, nullarc6 second post, webcitation second post).

On my vagueblogging

Since I’m not above vagueblogging and often I’ve even openly stated that I was vagueblogging, I’ve made about twenty posts in which I’ve vagueblogged at Vik or vagueblogged directly in response to Vik’s vagueblogging. It’s condemnable that I’ve engaged in a long vagueblogged dispute—though Vik herself seems to have no issue with vagueblogging as a concept, to quote her, “You don’t get to pissy about the vague blogging though, we all do it. Sometimes we get salty and make questionable blogging choices, that is why we all have our own blogs.” (webcitation)—however, I tend to believe that the manner in which she and I have conducted ourselves while engaging in that behavior is quite different. Additionally, this record generally illustrates our stances in this dispute.

Most of these posts are truncated and leave out tags that include more comments directed at one another, the quotes are for identification:

November 5, 2016: “I’m not about people spewing misogynistic crap at Etain...” in response to Vik’s November 5, 2016 post: “...[Etain] is a self centered child who took away Darman’s choice. Left him to accept the fall out of her personal decisions...” (nullarc6, archive.is) Vik later apparently made three posts in response to mine: “IT’S MY BLOG AND I’LL TAG HOW I WANT TOO TAG HOW I WANT TO TAAGGGG...” (andrikthesunsmiling-deactivated, webcitation) and “I’m not going to argue about it because arguing with you is like arguing with a brick wall...” (merliaseidon, webcitation) and “Nuh uh. You gotta change ur blog to fit muh opinion...” (merliaseidon, webcitation). Yes, I’m accusing her of sending the anon to herself on the basis of this post on finnessential (webcitation) being apparently referenced two week later on nullarc6 (webcitation). (Update, April 2018: Still convinced she sent these anons to herself, as I now have proof she consistently sends anons to herself. Too lazy right now to upload such.)

January 11, 2016:“Listen, I understand. Kal is a flawed guy, and characters should be flawed...” referencing Vik’s November 13, 2016 post: “Kal Skirata. Has flaws.Things that make him human. Imperfect...” (andriktheunsmiling-deactivated, webcitation)

February 28, 2017:“Male Character: *fucks up 100 times* Fans: “No one is perfect...” reblogged in reference to Vik’s interpretations of Kal and Etain.

March 30, 2017:“Talk about misconceptions about Kom'rk?” posted in response to several posts Vik made to state my own differing interpretation and headcanons of material.

April 17, 2017: posted two quotes—first quote, second quote—into the‘#Kom’rk Skirata’ tag in response to Vik’s April 15, 2017 post:“Keep posting ur osik in the tag. It’s funny.#I still own the URL. B) and I can very easily spam it” (nullarc6, webcitation)

May 19, 2017:“Kal’s tendency to assume the worst of strangers and outsiders” referencing the same as the January 11 post.

June 17, 2017:““Kal wouldn’t give a shit about how his children identify or present!”...” referencing Vik’s April 15, 2017 post: “#Because I'm not your over the top stereotype gay trans Kom'rk and I never will be. #And Kal wouldn't give a shit.”(nullarc6, webcitation)

June 20, 2017:““Kal is flawed! Like characters are supposed to be!”...” referencing the same as the January 11 post.

June 28, 2017: “It’s always funny people think I hate on Kal because he’s a white dude. Like, where did I say that...” in response to Vik’s June 27, 2017 post: “Yes I would- so long as you don’t play him as a horrible monstrous strait white man who single handily ruined the entire galaxy...” (nullarc6, webcitation)

July 6, 2017: “Nobody goes “poor Etain” purely because she’s a female character. Like, that’s absurd...” (please see this reblog where I stated ‘ #Lmao and also the original post was actually a vagueblog at a very specific person #In response to a long-running vagueblogged disagreement about Etain’) in response to Vik’s July 6, 2017 post: “A CHARACTER BEING FEMALE DOES NOT EXCUSE HER SHITTY BEHAVIOR. HER VAG/INA DOES NOT GRANT HER A FREE PASS TO DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS.” (merliaseidon, webcitation)

July 6, 2017: “Gotta love it when people say “you hate Kal because daddy issues”...” and “Frankly, I feel like if your response to your fave getting harsh criticism is...” in response to Vik’s July 6, 2017 post: “Listen folks, Kal Skirata may not be a saint but he deserves better than you dismantling his general character so you can apply all your daddy troubles to him.” (nullarc6, webcitation)

August 6, 2017: “To say that Etain knowingly got pregnant during the war entirely ignores the whole back half of the quote...” in response to Vik’s August 4, 2017 post: “Oh, For the love of- stop trying to make Etain into a saint by saying she had no choice and Kal controlled everything...” (finnessential, webcitation)

August 14, 2017: “Frankly, the only thing stopping me from making a lengthy comment on…” and “Funny how a character who is assumed cis male in the source material being headcanoned as trans...” in response to Vik’s August 13, 2017 post: “It must be a sad world you live in when your only out is to come up with increasingly non-viable HC in order to warp a character to your own wants” (nullarc6, webcitation)

August 23, 2017: “Anyway, Ordo, once he starts on the dawning realization he isn’t actually straight but bi...” in response to Vik’s August 24, 2017 post: “...Ur hc is hc and it will never be actual canon. xoxoxo...” (nullarc6, webcitation)

August 26, 2017:“If the best argument you have to defend your racism, misogyny, and transphobia...” in response to Vik’s August 24, 2017 post: “I think it’s time to put up the friendly reminder that...” (nullarc6, webcitation)

August 30, 2017: “In narrative development, we talk a lot about how people can tell when you’re being disingenuous...” and “Also, well, what? Are we supposed to handwave past transphobia...” in response to the original version of Vik’s August 30, 2017 post “As of this moment I will not accept anything except the fact that Mereel Skirata is transgender...” (webcitation) and in response to a August 30, 2017 change to her . Vik later updated the post to remove much of its content (nullarc6, webcitation).

[engl699readingjournal-blog]

A Dazed article comes across your Facebook newsfeed: “Photo Gallery Captures Berlin’s Booming Underground Queer Scene.” The photo gallery comprises 700 photos of thin cis white gays with shaved heads and stick-and-poke tattoos, dancing in runners and jockstraps. "In Berlin you can always expect the underground to be at the vanguard of European nightlife, especially in the queer community.” Some of the gays have on chest harnesses. No one has ever worn fetish gear before the men in these photos have. “This photo gallery of 8,000 identical thin cis white gays with shaved heads and stick-and-pokes and chest harnesses on Special K, dancing in an abandoned East Berlin S-Bahn station, wearing only runners and jockstraps, shows you just how dynamic the Berlin party scene is. Here you see four of them making out as a form of rebellion. Here you see six leather daddies tag-teaming a seventh leather daddy in a sling.” Your acquaintance, a permanent fixture in the DC club scene who doesn’t care about what pronouns you use in reference to him because he has smashed the gender binary by wearing lipstick, has shared the link, and that’s why you see it. “So who’s going to Berlin with me?” he asks. Vice has done it! Dazed has done it! It has captured the spirit of big-middle-finger queerness! It is thin, it is white, it got into Berghain, it is being penetrated at the glory-hole-wall.

“Queer” is a verb now, an action, something done unto, a process. It has been for some time. Spaces are queered, revolutions are queered, ideologies (or lack thereof) are queered, bodies are queered. It is also a gerund, implying a sort of peristalsis that indicates an ongoing undertaking. It is a participle adjective, implying that the done-unto noun has arrived at queer. It has been queered. Who is doing the queering? How is the queering being done? When has something been queered? Passive voice. In Berlin it often feels like a sticker slapped onto an electrical box by a bicyclist who pedals on without looking back. To queer is an infinitive applied to infinite done-untos, it is punk, to queer is a home-run sales pitch, to queer is a tourist attraction. A queered space – a museum, a bar, a club, a party, a café – can be queered in the same way that you can wake up one day and decide to go around telling people you’re an entrepreneur or a venture capitalist. Or a communist, or an opportunist, or a classical violinist. You repeat it until you’re convinced you’re understood, you’re believed. There is nothing different about you except that you are now this thing because you said you were. So let it be written, so it shall be queered.

This is the problem with many spaces in Berlin. Perhaps a fundamental difference in understanding of language is the core issue here, that many native-German-speaking peoples’ understanding of queer goes as far as “not gay as in happy but queer as in fuck you,” that queer sounds better than gay now because queer is the gritty anti-pride parade in Kreuzberg and gay is the ungainly lurching caravan of commercial excess that slogs down the Kurfürstendamm while blotto tourist twinks in sparkling fairy wings and assless underwear lie passed-out on the sidewalk. Christopher Street Day on the Kurfürstendamm. Me late for my shift at the Schwules Museum because I gave up on waiting for a bus from Zoo Station and sprinted to Lützowstraße, charging straight through the parade the twink in assless underwear and fairy wings having a pils dumped over him. A conspicuously sanitized funeral procession for politicized radical queer anything that plods past Nollendorfplatz and heads for the Siegessäule, a giant memorial penis a straight shot down the Straße des 17. Juni from the Brandenburger Tor, where the whole affair finally comes to an end. Straight through the Tiergarten, where you can still spot the cruisers strolling nude between the trees from the windows of a bus. Wraiths of cigarette smoke from the patrons of the Eldorado curl up into the sweltering blue sky as the apparitions of bygone Berlin look on, pink triangles, shaved heads, rough-hewn tattoos. Are they asking if this is what they were sent to Sachsenhausen for, to Dachau?

Over aluminum containers packed with basmati rice and Vietnamese curry, Tanno and I sat on the floor of the dining room and flipped through an issue of Siegessäule magazine, probably picked up from the counter at Silver Future, a dive we frequented on Weserstraße “for Kings and Queens and Criminal Queers.” Siegessäule is a monthly report on what all of the same people are up to: where is Alexander Geist performing tonight and which cultural costume will they be appropriating this time? Yony Leyser is making a new film. Any updates since we last spoke with him four weeks ago? Let’s see! Oh, look, he’s making a new documentary about what makes queer punk, or what makes punk queer, in which he interviews the same group of people he interviewed for his Burroughs documentary. Peaches was spotted going into the bathroom at veganz. Mika Risiko was at Berghain again, sauntering across the steaming pulsing dance floor in a rather aggressive faux-fur coat. “WE ARE QUEER BERLIN,” its audacious slogan, adorned the cover (are we?), as did the artwork of Stefan Fähler, a Berlin-based artist whose obsession with gaping mouths, anuses, staticky-surrealism-meets-confetti-butt-plug-themed-pop-art, made him a perennial figure in the scenesterkreis. He did artwork for all of GEGEN’s promotional materials, for Ficken 3000’s ICKY party. Wherever a phallus was needed, Stefan was summoned to render it in hues of in-your-face pink and radioactive green, erupting neon yellow and blue polka dots. Everything he drew, from dildos to tits, had a blood-red yelling mouth. Presumably yelling that we were queer Berlin. At the Schwules Museum I would perch on the stool at the cash register and flip through the latest issue, which was stacked alongside Exberliner and other Denglisch publications intended for the consumption of German-speakers and English-speakers alike, tourists or permanent fixtures of the city who could somehow navigate the bureaucracy without needing to speak any German. Every month the same cast of characters paraded across the pages: this one DJ’ing at Schokoladen, that one premiering a five-minute film at Villa Neukölln, another one grabbing a drink at Gelegenheiten. Some of my friends’ bands and art installations made it into the “shit you might be interested in doing instead if you can’t catch Mika slinking through Berghain this weekend, if you make it into Berghain at all” – Tanno’s band performing at Urban Spree, Nika’s show in Kreuzberg. They had made it to the fringe of the scenesterkreis.

I flipped to the back of Siegessäule, which included a large map of the city with an old-fashioned coordinate system and corresponding key below. Each queer establishment in the city was sub-divided into categories: bars, clubs, museums and cultural spaces, bath houses, darkrooms, sex clubs, cafés. I was struck upon realizing for the first time that many of the nightlife spaces were annotated with the Mars symbol, the Venus symbol, or both – demarcating which spaces were strictly male, which were strictly female, and which were open to both. I pointed this out to Tanno, who had also never noticed this: “I don’t even look at this part of the magazine. I flip through it and then just leave it on a table somewhere.” I reached into my bag and pulled out a pen and proceeded to circle each establishment that allowed only men; I marked the establishments that allowed only women with asterisks and underlined the ones that claimed to allow both. Most importantly, I squiggly-underlined the ones that claimed to allow both, but where I had personally felt uncomfortable or had heard from non-cis-male friends was an unwelcome space (Fran, a Canadian artist who had arrived in Berlin around the same time I did and returned to Canada earlier this year, told me that apparently Ficken’s resident rock-out-with-your-cock-out regular who sat at a corner booth stroking his erect cock the entire night was paid to do so in order to ward off unwanted visitors to the bar.

[blainematters]

For your reading pleasure, a selection of awful fucking quotes from CC’s latest *~masterpiece~*. That’s right, I read all 407 pages so you don’t have to! Unless you too are a complete masochist, in which case go nuts.

This is image heavy, fair warning. Some names have been slightly altered to protect the crazies who would read this and cry.

Audiences found the show’s campiness to be rather charming, its unique underdog spirit resonated with them, and a global phenomenon was born. Nice description of Glee there. Very original. Good work.

Pitying looks were cast upon the unfortunate souls without seats, as if they were third-class passengers on the Titanic. The death of 1500 people in the worst maritime disaster in history is not a funny or clever simile.

Luckily for him, these days Cash had a little help to take the edge off. He reached into his pocket and pulled out three large pills and two marijuana gummy bears. This is how the main character treats his anxiety. He takes this combo with whiskey. This apparently makes him ‘completely numb’. 

He thought it was funny how there was hydrocodone, weed, and alcohol flowing through his veins at a work event but he wasn’t the biggest douchebag onstage. Except he really, really is. Funnily enough people on drugs aren’t the best judge of character.

If he responded with something they didn’t like, his social media would be bombarded with pictures, videos, and GIFs of decapitated animals, human feces, and militants destroying priceless artifacts.

“Olá, fucktards,” Davi said—his use of American slang was a work in progress. What. This character is brazilian, and he swears constantly. Those are his only character traits.

“That’s incredible, Huda,” Mo said. “If only diplomacy worked as efficiently as a fandom, there would never be war again.” I’m fucking dying.

“Young lady,” the psychologist said. “I have studied the human mind for more than four decades. I understand the appeal of joining the transgender community, but I promise you, the transgender movement is nothing short of a trend for nonconformists. In fact, it is still considered a mental illness by the World Health Organization.” Sorry, what appeal? What even is this nonsense? Why does it go on for five pages? Why the need to unnecessarily torture the trans character with this when it makes no difference to his storyline? Why?

Mo had suffered from OID (overactive imagination disorder) since childhood. The condition wasn’t officially recognized by the United States Department of Health (because Mo had made it up) but the disorder was just as taxing and consuming as any. From the entire community of people with mental illness: Fuck you CC. Fuck you for this awful, awful thing. Kindly go fuck yourself for pretending you have any understanding of what a mental illness is like to live with. Ugh.

A very good-looking man in his early twenties. He wore thick sunglasses, a black leather jacket, dark jeans, and designer boots. Yes, this is how ‘Cash’ is described. He’s also been previously described as a total mess who hasn’t showered in days, so I’m not totally convinced it’s accurate.

“I’m T0pher C0llins. It is such a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Carter.” T0pher C0llins? Are you fucking shitting me?

“I walked into my bedroom and saw Peaches had taken a huge dump in the middle of my bed, so I had to clean it up and put my comforter in the washer.” This is said by the only girl in the group, in front of ‘Cash’, who she idolises. Because girls are just stupid fucking blabbermouths right?

“-it’s getting asked advice on how to break into the industry from the guy taking a dump in the stall next to you” Oh look, another thing that has never, ever happened.

“You gotta say that shit so no one labels you as a future has-been—that’ll kill a career. Even if it’s obvious you’ll never do anything but the show you’re on, you can’t admit it.” The first honest and realistic thing in this book, and it only took till chapter seven!

“Every time I get any recognition he writes me into a coma or puts me through something horrendous as punishment. After I was on the cover of TV Guide, he put a dangerous stunt into a script and it broke my ankle. After I won a People’s Choice Award, he put my character in a coma for twelve episodes. The list goes on.” I wonder how Ryan Murphy will react when he hears about this character who is so clearly him?

“Nothing is stranger than fanfiction,” Cash said, like a sailor recalling his encounter with a horrible sea creature. THIS ENTIRE BOOK IS REAL LIFE FANFICTION YOU HYPOCRITICAL ASSHOLE.

“He’s a little jaded, I’ll give you that—but after all the joy he’s given us over the years, the least we can do is let him be a human being. ” Yes, let the straight white cis male tell you all how to think, feel, and act. Your hero isn’t a douche, he’s misunderstood. Let him treat you like shit because who else gets that experience?

The world’s biggest rubber-band ball bounced into the horizon like a deer recently freed from captivity. Chapter nine: ‘Cash’ destroys a national landmark for shits and giggles.

The actor excitedly passed out tickets to Topher, Joey, Sam, and the Sacagawea statue—mistaking it for Mo. He’s also a racist. Are we surprised?

Why is he dancing like an epileptic on roller skates? Aaaaand a joke about epilepsy. I’m sure Hannah loves it.

“What did you do? How did you get over it?” Joey said. “One day I woke up and decided I had had enough.” ‘Cash’ cures his crippling agoraphobia by just going outside. Again, fuck you CC. That is not how mental illness works. Do two seconds of research for fucks sake.

“The night we were all watching the season six finale of Wiz Kids at Joey’s house, I was actually supposed to be watching Billy while my mom was at a Bunco party. I gave him some cold medicine so he would sleep and ran home to check on him every commercial break.” Drug your disabled siblings, your friends will think you’re cool and laugh about instead of telling you  that you’re an awful fucking person. Which you are.

“Then one day, as I was posting a GIF of a decapitated giraffe on her profile, I learned WizKidLiz01 was a little girl with Down syndrome.” Also on the list of things that make you an awful fucking person… plagiarism or no, don’t do this shit.

“So what’s your real name?” Topher asked. “Now, that you’re not going to believe,” Cash said. “It’s Tom Hanks.”

“They were the most eccentric group of stoners Cash had ever seen and he couldn’t take his eyes off them, like they were the subjects of a fascinating nature documentary.” One character is literally screaming her head off with paranoia and scratching invisible bugs in her skin, but hey, watching teenagers on a drug trip is so interesting!

“I think you’re giving him too much credit,” Cash said. “He’ll be long gone by then.” Oh yeah, ‘Cash’ is extremely preoccupied with death. He frequently says shit like this alluding to it. No-one notices.

“Because if you don’t, I’m going to tell the fangirls about the treatment we’ve received today and unleash them upon your establishment like a plague of locusts! They’ll harass you, humiliate you, and chase your wrinkled, old, racist ass into hiding for the rest of your miserable existence! Do I make myself clear?” Um… what? Why would you even?

“Of course the brakes worked, I was just fucking with you,” Cash said. ‘Cash’ continues to be the absolute worst by making someone think she’s going to die. Of course, she somehow she also doesn’t know that James Dean died in a car accident. Sigh.

“But I think we’d know it if he was mentally unbalanced or an addict of some kind.” YOU ARE EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD AND YOU ARE A COMPLETE IDIOT. YOU LITERALLY JUST DESCRIBED ‘CASH’.

“You lose the right to humanity when you become famous. It’s just the way it is, but I’m not going to whine about it.” Except in this entire book.

“I’m transgender!” Sam declared. “I know what it’s like to have everyone treat you like something you’re not because people have been doing it to me my whole life. I’ve never met someone who could relate—but it’s like everything you just said! We’re both trapped! We’re both prisoners of unfair expectations!” These! things! are! not! comparable! Mostly because ‘Cash’ could leave that life any time, Sam won’t ever stop having to deal with being trans. Shut the fuck up CC. Sam then spends waaaay too much time explaining gender and sexual identity to ‘Cash’ because he’s a complete moron.

Darla spoke with the energy and enthusiasm of a camp counselor on crystal meth. How is this joke in any way appropriate when the main character is clearly a raging drug addict? He’s literally constantly tweaking.

The others stared at Cash in disbelief. It was like a demon living inside of him had taken the reins. Watch as these people we’re supposed to believe all got into prestigious colleges like Colombia and MIT completely fail to recognise the signs of an addict going through withdrawal.

They had never in their lives felt more exposed, more violated, or more gutted. It was as if someone had ripped off all their clothes and chucked their hearts into the depths of the Grand Canyon. ‘Cash’ is so self-obsessed and full of self-pity he decides to out two people in the group and tell another she’s wasting her life just to make them all feel as awful as he does. What a delightful person huh?

“Joey, I have always wanted a gay best friend. I’m not mad because you hid your orientation from me; I’m just upset because of all the Will & Grace opportunities we’ve missed out on.” ARE YOU SHITTING ME?

He was staring at Topher with a weak smile and his eyes were opened just barely enough to see. He clearly knew who Topher was, but Topher couldn’t place him.

“I have glioblastoma,” Cash said. “That’s a fancy stage name for brain cancer.”

I was fine and could easily hide this until a few days ago, but now I’m so weak and frail you don’t even recognise me. Usually Glioblastoma on the brain stem causes symptoms like seizures, confusion, paralysis, vomiting, dizziness, and loss of basic functions, but I’m a special snowflake and get to stay able-bodied and cognisant until the end!

“In April I started getting these really bad migraines,” Cash explained. “A doctor came to the set and recommended I get a scan. We were behind in production so the producers wouldn’t give me time off to get it done.” It’s all Hollywood’s fault he’s dying! Not his for not getting any fucking treatment. And actors can and do take days off for health reasons, that shit is totally allowed.

“Holy shit,” Topher said. “These are all mine.… You’ve saved every letter I ever wrote to you.…” That’s not totally fucking creepy at all, ‘Cash’.

“He’s not a bad person—he’s got brain cancer! That’s why he’s been behaving the way he has!” That makes everything okay! Except not really. Cancer doesn’t give you a free pass to be an asshole. You aren’t making the most of what life you have left, you’re just being a shithead.

“The actor had had so little control over his life, but his death was exactly how he wanted it to be.” Yes, he dies five days later. No-one wondered about his odd behaviour or suspected he might be sick until they visited him in a hospice. These people must be so stupid they can barely function for this to make sense. He’s been dying for months and nobody at all noticed? Bullshit.

“Oh gosh, I’m so nervous to hear how it went! I practically feel like I came out as transgender, too!” NO MORE.

“Not to be a downer, but did anyone watch the footage from Cash’s funeral today?” Mo asked. “Why did they wait a whole month to have it?” Topher asked. “Because it was sponsored by Canon and their new camera comes out this week,” Mo said.

I don’t think companies generally sponsor funerals? Let’s just hope it wasn’t an open casket, that shit would be nasty after a month.

“Fuck off, I’m banging Marilyn Monroe.” No, god no. Please no. Just end this thing now please.

The aspiring writer felt like she and her friends were living a ridiculous happy ending straight from the final page of one of her outlandish stories. Uh…

And a bonus from the author’s note:

However, for the purpose of good storytelling, the characters’ opinions and choices are sometimes flawed. Please do not view their actions as generalizations or examples to follow, but as the mistakes and triumphs of individuals. All of my characters were awful and/or treated like shit by everyone else, but that’s for the sake of the story. It’s not my fault if you act this way and everyone hates you! (And still love me please god I’m so alone...)