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plaidbooks · 3 years ago

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Flirt it Out

A/N: I got a request from @ghd76 that was: could you write a one shot about Sonny getting super flustered by a female criminal (just a thief or something not a rapist) and he tries to continue the interrogation but she just keeps messing with him with dirty talk etc. And so I did! Hope you all enjoy <3

Tags: none, just flirting (though, I do mention homeless a lot, so if that’s a trigger, beware), also, the briefest mention of rape and pimps--blink and you miss it

Words: 1618

Taglist: @witches-unruly-heart @beccabarba @thatesqcrush @itsjustmyfantasyroom @permanentlydizzy @infiniteoddball @ben-c-group-therapy @glowingmess @whimsicallymad @lv7867 @storiesofsvu @cycat4077 @alwaysachorusgirl @glimmerglittergirl @joanofarkansass @redlipstickandplaid @reading--mermaid @mrsrafaelbarba @averyhotchner @detective-giggles @crowleysqueenofhell @dreamlover31

You had always been a good person: you kept your head down at work, you’d give money to every homeless person you saw, you often volunteered in a variety of things around the city. But it wasn’t enough. How could it be? With more and more people losing their homes, it just seemed never ending. Which is why you decided to help in a different way.

Big chain stores were popping up everywhere, and it drove you mad. So, you started shoplifting—only at the corporations, never a small, mom and pop shop. And you only stole food and sometimes baby formula, to give to the homeless or women’s shelter. You were just trying to help people. Plus, stealing from huge stores like that wasn’t exactly hard. And you sort of liked the adrenaline rush, anyways.

You were currently distributing food to a pack of homeless people when you found a body. The girl couldn’t have been older than 15 or 16, and she was beaten and bruised. Miraculously, she was still alive. You quickly called 911, giving them a place and description, before heading off. You didn’t want the cops questioning you.

********************

It had been a few days since you found the girl, and you saw in the news that she had been beaten and raped, most likely by her pimp. They were asking for the witness who called in about her to come into precinct 16; Manhattan SVU. But you didn’t want to be involved, not when you yourself were a criminal. Not that you would admit that willingly. But you’d seen law shows; the defense always had a way of digging up personal info on eyewitnesses, and you didn’t want to take the chance.

Shaking it off, you went to Walmart, bags at the ready. You filled the bags with boxed foods, pretended to go through the self-checkout, and headed towards the doors. This particular store didn’t have the person checking recipes, so you just casually strolled out. No one batted an eyelash at you; you wore nice clothes, held your head up high, and exuded confidence. Soon enough, you were carrying the bags down the street, heading for an alley that you knew was a makeshift “home” for multiple families.

It wasn’t until you rounded the corner that you noticed this was the alley you had found that girl in. Two detectives—a greying man and a blonde woman—were talking to a homeless man when you entered the alleyway.

“Oh, that’s her right there,” the homeless man said, pointing to you. Both detectives looked to you, then started coming towards you slowly.

Your first instinct was to panic and run, but you stopped yourself. If you did that, then they’d think you were guilty of something. So, you held your ground, ignoring the detectives and starting to pass out food. The detectives were stopped by the homeless gathering around you, and you fought a smug smile.

“Excuse me, Miss?” the male detective called.

You glanced at him before turning back to your task. “Can this wait? I’m a little busy right now.”

“No, it can’t,” the blonde said. “Were you the one that found the girl here a few days ago?”

Lie? Or go with the truth? It’s not like you knew anything anyways.

“I found her, yeah. But I know nothing about it; I don’t know who she is, and I didn’t see anyone else,” you answered.

The blonde gave you a look before asking, “We got a few more questions if you can just give us a moment—”

“I already told you all I know. I found a girl, I called 911. I got no other information for you.”

The detectives glanced at each other. “Can you come down to the station with us, please?” the blonde continued.

“I’d rather not, no,” you replied, wondering why this woman was trying so hard to get more.

“Don’t make us force you in.” Even her partner gave her a surprised look at that.

You scoffed. “For what? Giving you all the information I have?” “Uh huh; wanna show me a recipe for all this food you’re givin’ away?” she asked, a small smirk on her face.

There were still a few homeless people between you and them, so you took your chances. You turned and ran. You heard the woman detective curse before there was a scuffle, then two sets of footsteps following you. You turned this way and that, seemingly at random, but you knew these streets. You were trying to lose them in your home turf. What you didn’t know, was that this was their home turf, too.

The man, who had impossibly long legs, caught up to you fairly quickly, his partner a few steps behind.

“Leave me alone! I didn’t do anything! I don’t know anything!” you yelled, trying to push yourself to go faster. But the man overtook you, grabbing your shirt and pulling you to a stop. The three of you were panting as you tried to come up with something to save yourself. There’s a trick you learned early in your thieving career; when in doubt, flirt it out.

“We just have a few questions for ya,” the man said, letting you go. Him and the woman had you pinned against the wall anyways; you had nowhere to go.

“Look, Mr…?”

“Detective Carisi,” he replied before nodding to his partner. “Detective Rollins.”

“Look Detective Carisi, I was literally handing out food to the homeless when I found that girl. I have no other information for you.” You batted your eyes at him, giving him a soft smile, and you felt the pride at your display when you saw his cheeks turn pink. “I can’t help you anymore….”

“We still have questions for you,” Detective Rollins said harshly, stomping all over your attempt at flirting out of this. But you weren’t giving up that easily.

You continued giving Detective Carisi bedroom eyes as you said, “well, I don’t want to go to the precinct. How about you and I discuss this over a coffee? Or maybe something a little harder?”

He visibly swallowed before Rollins sighed heavily, pulled out handcuffs, and turned you against the wall.

“I’m takin’ you in. For shoplifting and for wasting our time,” she said, giving Carisi a glare. He gave her a sheepish look before they led you to their squad car. You sat grumpily in back, but you were glad that their voices were loud enough to hear through the window.

“God, Carisi, are you really that single that you’ll let a criminal sweet-talk you?” Rollins asked.

He gave her a look. “Hey, just ‘cause I don’t go to bars lookin’ to get laid doesn’t mean I’m desperate. Besides, she’s stealing food to give to the homeless; is she really a criminal?”

“It’s enough to take her in for questioning on the rape. And Carisi—you’re so totally desperate.”

*******************

You sat in the interrogation room, no longer cuffed. You were waiting for what felt like forever for the detectives to come in. To your surprise, Detective Carisi came in, alone.

“Hey, sorry to make ya wait so long. If you’re ready, we can get started,” he said, sitting across from you.

You smiled at him. “I’m glad to be out of handcuffs. But you seem like the kind of guy that would rather see me in them.”

That cute blush reappeared on his cheeks, but he rolled with it, giving you a smirk. “Do you always try at flirt your way out of trouble?”

“Oh, I’m hardly in trouble. I’m a good girl.”

A little huff of a chuckle, a shake of the head. “Let’s get started, shall we? Where were ya at 8am on Monday?”

“Am I under arrest?” you asked, slowly rising from your seat.

“No, but you will be if ya don’t cooperate.”

You sat back down, leaning back in your chair. “Ohhh, you like to tease, don’t you, Detective sir?”

He cleared his throat. “Where were ya, 8am—”

“On Monday? Shopping.”

“Shopping? Or—”

“Yes, shopping. I do buy groceries for myself, you know.”

He gave you a long stare, like he was trying to figure you out. “Do you have any proof that you were shopping?”

“I have the charge to my card, and the recipe at home. Would you like to come over sometime, Detective? I could show you the recipe, among other things…” you grinned, and his blush deepened.

There was a knock on the one-way mirror, and Detective Carisi looked slightly annoyed, but also a little ashamed of himself. He stood and left the room, and you had to hide a smile. At least he’s cute, you thought to yourself.

*********************

After Carisi was removed, a new detective came in—Detective Tutuola. He was no nonsense, and you quickly answered his questions, desperate to leave the precinct. True to their word, you were released afterwards, with a stern, “stop shoplifting.” Not like that would affect you.

As you were leaving, you saw Carisi sitting at his desk. He glanced up as you went over to him, and his ears turned pink. You gave him a smirk before taking one of his cards.

“Maybe I’ll give you a call one night, when I’m feeling lonely,” you mused.

The pink turned red as he looked at you. “You can give me a call any time you need me.”

You smiled brighter, and he gave you a nervous smile, his eyes darting around to see if anyone saw the exchange. You blew him a kiss before turning and leaving the precinct. But you swore you could feel his gaze on your ass as you swayed.

#sonny carisi x reader #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfic #fanfic #my writing #karen and I came up with a whole fucking backstory to this #and more parts if anyone wants them

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unmaskedagain · 5 years ago

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Grimm Cleaners: No Questions Asked

I wrote this short story a while ago. I really hope you like it. I took example from my own experience.

The first murder happened on a Monday because of course it fucking would. A new body was found, every day, after that, for two weeks and Todd was sick of it. He didn't know if it was a serial killer, devil worshipers, or fucking Dracula but it was interfering with his social life.

"I don't need this shit! It's my day off." Todd said as he furiously wiped down the blood-splattered table. "Who fucking murders someone in a coffee shop?"

"Quit bitching; you're getting overtime," Sierra said as she mopped the floor. The once white mop-head was already stained pink. And she hadn't even mopped off a quarter of the blood on the floor. "You worked at Walmart for five years. You've seen worse. You've cleaned up worse." Sierra was thin, with big brown eyes and caramel skin. She was fresh out of college and had a look on her face that screamed she was done with the world.

The coffee shop was a trendy place called The Coffee Roosters. Vinyl records and 90s cartoon characters decorated the wall. It had a real mom and pop feel and would've passed for one if not for the unicorn cappuccinos, and every drink being written in French. However, that night, it looked like a scene straight out of a horror movie. Blood and body parts covered everything. There were symbols painted on the walls, Todd was pretty sure, opened a portal to hell.

They had gotten the call just after midnight. The boss wanted all-hands-on-deck. Nevertheless, somehow, all-hands-on-deck meant Todd, Sierra, and the new kid. It was because it was October, Halloween; their busiest time of the year. Everyone worked odd hours. No one else could come in.

"Yeah, and I also got PTSD," Todd retorted. "I can't even watch The Walking Dead without thinking of Black Friday." He rung out his sponge. Todd was grumpy, nearing thirty, a grad student with an arm tattoo of the Deathly Hallows. "All I'm saying is that after seven years of customer service, and 'I wanna speak to the manager,' He mimicked in a high voice "The only murder I should have to clean up in a place where you're forced to smile and say 'how can I help you', is the one that'll happen when I finally snap. Anything else is just rude."

Sierra paused, looked around, and brushed back a dyed strand of neon-blue hair. "Yeah, whoever did this didn't work in Customer Service. Only assholes would fuck with someone else's job. This is still better than working the counter at freaking Sephora. Or Best Buy! You know a two-year-old once pissed on the floor, right in front of me, and the Mom was just standing there looking at tablets. Like what the hell?"

"Ah Dude," Christian whined as he ran into the room. He was a tall, lanky, baby-faced, college sophomore with shaggy blond hair and, unlike the other two, still a hopeful outlook on life. "I think I just found some dude's spleen." And sure enough, in his hands were some poor guy's lumbar vertebra. It was gooey with pieces of flesh and muscle still attached to it.

There were a few moments of silence. Then Todd just shrugged, "Whatever. Still better than working retail." And went back to work. They didn't have time to waste. The coffee shop opened at sunrise. If this wasn't done, they'd be fired.

Sierra murmured her agreement. "At this job, I never have to hear 'Oh it's such a nice day. So sunny and warm. There are rainbows and butterflies and ice cream raining from the sky.' Like I literally haven't been outside in five hours." She dunked the mop in the bucket. "And I don't get to leave this fucking sweatshop of nightmares until it's dark, but thanks for letting me know, Debra."

Todd looked up and saw Christian still standing with a grossed-out expression on his face. Then he remembered that the kid hadn't been training long. Christian hadn't gotten any real experience on the job yet, only taught how to do it. Still, the training wheels had to come off sometime. Todd sighed, "Man, just put it with the rest of the body parts. We gotta get out of here before the police get here."

Christian nodded and turned around to put the spleen in the other black bags on the counter. "This or Mcdonalds," They heard him tell himself. "I can't go back to ramen every night. I won't go back."

Sierra cooed, "Poor guy. Third week of training, and he already found his first body part." She snickered. "I remember mine. I cried for the rest of the night."

Todd grimaced, "He'll get used to it." He wiped the sweat off his forehead. "Wait until he realizes he's making enough money to move out of his dorm. He'll be fine with diving in a lake to get the head of a dismembered camp counselor."

Sierra nodded, "Yeah, once I realized that paying off my student loans depended on getting a hand out of a crocodile's stomach. I got that hand and a new belt." She bent down to pick up a stray eyeball. "Besides, these customers are the best I've worked with."

"I know, right?" Todd threw up his hands. It was the only part of the job that still remained bizarre to him. "You wouldn't think serial killers or monsters would be. But I'll be damned if they ain't the nicest, most polite people I've ever met. You remember that Hannibal Lector type of guy we worked with last week. Well, at the job, I ended up finding some chick's liver. So I put it in one of those black security boxes and sent it to his place. I figured: hey, maybe the cannibal would want it. Because, you know, 'fava bean and a nice chianti' and all that. The very next day, I get a thank you card."

Sierra laughed, "That's nothing! I helped out this Freddy Kruger- rip off, nightmare dude, last year. He was having a hard time tracking down the rest of the people who murdered him. Long story short, I introduce this guy to social media. They were all dead in like a week. I get the best customer review of my life. And I haven't had a bad dream since. How awesome is that?"

A scream came from the kitchen, followed up by Christian yelling, "Brain! There's a fucking brain in the freezer. Holy shit. Oh god, oh god." Then the sound of him throwing up.

Todd and Sierra shared a look that said 'Trainees, what can you do?'

Christian came back into the room, pale-faced, and his shirt covered in puke, "I'm fine," He said. "I just can't get used to this."

"Dude," Sierra said, with a raised eyebrow. "Yesterday, I cleaned up the birth of yet another Rosemary's baby. Demon daddy thanked me for a job well done and tipped me a solid gold brick. Eventually, you get used to everything... well, almost everything." A haunted, faraway look appeared on her face. "Do yourself a favor: never take a job in New Orleans, after New Year's. It's like a vampire free-for-all."

Todd nodded. He would never take another job in New Orleans again. Lesson learned. "Man, once you're done cleaning up back there, I need you to start cleaning the ceiling." He pointed up. There were a bunch of satanic symbols and black scorch marks. "Get everything. Boss will freak if a hell portal opened during business hours. Trust me, it won't be easy budgie jumping into the mouth of hell to pick up some poor chick who just wanted a pumpkin spice latte. The paperwork alone is a bitch."

It took them hours to get the coffee shop back into the pristine condition it was once in. Afterward, they went out the back, locked up, and got into their black truck. It had no nameplates or any identifiable markers.

"Todd?" Sierra asked from the shotgun seat. "Do you ever wonder who we work for? Who our boss is? Or how they found us?"

"No," Todd said as he pulled the truck out of the dark alley. "I just figured they put spotters in high traffic customer service areas. And whichever employee looks most like they've given up on humanity and one more 'there's no price tag on it, it must be free' joke away from burning down the store, they point at him and say that's our guy."

Sierra hooked the aux cord up to her phone, "I think that's the only still scary part. It's like they knew all they had to do was offer us a living wage, and basic human decency, and we'd be theirs. No questions asked."

Music blasted through the car as the coworkers contemplated the truth of her words.

"Makes you wonder who the real monsters are," Christian said.

#short story #spook #halloween #customer service

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skiplo-wave · 2 years ago

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Well, if it makes anyone feel better that went through this I actually had an accident one time at walmart💀 Idk maybe the store brings the shits out of people. It was nearly 10 years ago. I was 15 and I had been having stomach issues. I was scheduled to see a doctor in a few weeks at the time. I didn't know I was allergic to lactose and gluten. I had lunch and I thought a little bit of sour cream would be fine. I get to the store and my tummy was turning. Sometimes if I ignored it, it would go away. I know it's not good to hold it in but I don't like public bathrooms. I am in the clothing section and I feel this strange spicy rush to my buttocks. It was like a volcano ready to explode. I had to go bad. I was panicking because every step I took it made it worse. So I had to walk slow and steady. I get halfway to the bathroom before it starts to break. It's like liquid fire. I had a long period pad on and thought I was good. I start to walk a little faster and I let out a little cough, the dam broke... Liquid fire comes rushing out and I take off running. I get into the bathroom, thankfully nobody is there. I strip down naked throwing away my jeans and underwear in the trash. People are starting to come in after I safely get in the stall. I had diarrhea for like nearly 45 minutes. It was that bad. I hear people gagging outside and talking about the smell. I was so embarrassed and also afraid that maintenance would show up. Thankfully I had my phone with me and I texted my mom. She brought me baby wipes, a box of dove soap and a pack of wash cloths to clean up. She had brought a trash can to fill up with water so I could literally take a sponge bath in the stall. She brought me a pack of new underwear and jeans lol. My mom was a hero that day. But yeah, I feel sorry for people when this happens to them because I know. And sadly they don't have the same help I did.

#asks #straight up shit hours.

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rosetintedswift · 7 years ago

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A few months ago my very best friend got engaged to the love of her life. It was all so beautiful: The proposal, the ring, the guy, the girl, the dress, the details…. absolutely amazing. Even more so was when I learned I was to be the Maid of Honor and she entrusted the Bachelorette to me.

Talk about pressure.

So for months on end I searched Pinterest and asked people and watched every bride movie you could think of (Bride Wars, Bridesmaids, 27 Dresses, etc). I made tons of lists of everything I needed, and always had the event at the back of my mind. I had never really planned an event before, let alone every bride’s dream party, so I had to be sure it was perfect.

In light of it’s success, I decided to make a post to give anyone who’s planning a Bachelorette some ideas.

Games

What’s a Bachelorette party without those cheesy games? Here are some of my favorites that were played!

He Said… She Said…

Pull your bride aside and ask her questions such as:

Who kissed who first?

Who said “I love you,” first?

Who cooked the first meal?

Have the party guests guess who did what and whoever gets the most correct, get’s a prize!

Cold Feet

Get each guest a bowl of ice, cold, water and fill them with some plastic rings. Each person has to grab as many rings as they can with their toes in a minute. Whoever gets the most rings wins!

How Well Do You Know Your Groom?

Ask the groom 20 questions from when did the bride and groom first meet to what kind of underwear he likes to wear. It’s a great game to challenge the bride and make her blush a little! Plenty of laughs around for everyone.

Label Your Bridesmaids

Ask the bride herself to label the bridesmaids (such as: Drama queen, hot mess, bad influence, sarcastic, etc.). Cut out a paper that has the label and ask each bridesmaid to pick out the label she feels best suits her personality. After everyone chooses one, reveal which person is who and have the bride explain why she chose that label for them. It’s a great icebreaker and gives everyone a great laugh.

Panty Dropper

This one is my favorite. Have each bridesmaid buy a pair of underwear (can be anything from granny panties to scandalous) and have them drop them in a bag on their way in. Give the bag to the bride and she has to guess who gave her what piece of underwear. This is one I highly suggest for others to get creative with! One girl at my party cut up some old jeans to look like underwear and gave them to the bride!

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Scavenger Hunt

Split the girls into two teams and head to the mall or a place like Target or Walmart. Give the teams each a piece of paper with a bunch of things to do on them with the point value next to it. Set a timer for forty-five minutes and go out and try to finish as many items on the checklist as possible. Some ideas for the list are:

Kiss a bald man’s head, Order a drink with an accent, ask an employee if you are in Walmart or Target (the employee we got was super salty about that question), spell out the bride’s name with clothing, propose to someone, walk around the store eating baby food, dress in a crazy outfit, the possibilities are endless.

Have everyone document what they do with their phones and have a fun time sharing all the videos and photos. Winning team gets a prize!

Porn or Polish?

The bride’s grandma walked in right as we were about to play this game so make sure no adults are around in case! We had to search the internet for porn movie names and different makeup names but in the end it made for a fun game.

Basically give everyone two different sticks: One for porn, one for polish. Then name the crazy name and ask them to guess if it’s a porn movie or makeup. If you want to mix things up, put your dirty mind to work and come up with some on your own for a trick question!

If you need help thinking of makeup names just check out NARS products. They have lots of options.

Decorations

Dollar Store

Literally just go to the dollar store. It may be cheap but they have some pretty good decorations. I got some pink streamers, a table cloth, prizes for games, balloons, fake pink rose petals, plates, and a plastic crown.

Walgreens

I printed out some photos of Abbey and all her friends and family and hung them from the ceiling around her chair. We got to all reminisce about the good ol’ times when we were younger, and share laughs about it too.

Grocery Store

Went to the local Fred Meyer (it may be called something different wherever you are) and found 50% gorgeous pink roses, and a fruit tartlet for cheap. Both were beautiful and loved by all the guests.

Food

Since my best friend’s wedding was three days after the bachelorette, we decided light and fun foods would be the best:

Fruit snacks

Pita chips and hummus

Tortilla chips and guacamole

Peach rings (from the game)

Pink lemonade

A fruit tartlet

Red Robin (For Dinner)

*TIP: Never let the bride pay for anything*

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Shirts

What’s a bachelorette without matching shirts? Online they can get pretty pricey being around ten dollars to twenty for a shirt that says ‘bridesmaid’ and ‘bride’ on it. Therefore, I made the shirts. With a fifty percent coupon to Michael’s I went to a few different stores and used the coupon to purchase hot pink, V-neck shirts. Then, I got glitter fabric paint and used a template that I found online and painted them! Just be sure to put cardboard in-between the shirts.

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Music

This is a must need for every party. I listed below some of the must haves for a bachelorette party.

Green Light by Lorde

Good To Be Alive by Andy Grammer

Love Song by Sara Baareilles

Death of a Bachelor by Panic! At The Disco

Picture to Burn by Taylor Swift

Cheers by Rihanna

Wonderland by Taylor Swift

All My Friends by The Summer Set

Just The Girl by The Click Five

I Wanna Get Better by Bleachers

Dreaming by Smallpools

Shake It Off by Taylor Swift

Look What You Made Me Do by Taylor Swift

Clouds by One Direction

New Romantics by Taylor Swift

Weak by AJR

Shut Up and Drive by Rihanna

Someone New by Hozier

Closer by The Chainsmokers

Perfect Places by Lorde

Woman by Harry Styles

Believer by Imagine Dragons

Can’t Help by Parachute

Bom Bidi Bom by Nick Jonas

Back To You by Louis Tomlinson

Single Ladies by Beyonce

Crazy In Love by Beyonce

Chapel Of Love by The Dixie Cups

There’s probably many more jams but those are the basic songs for a good time.

The Car

Don’t forget to paint funny phrases on the car! We had “Honk for the bride” and some other silly things that just made it overall more exciting and fun.

Money

Now, it can get expensive planning a bachelorette. That’s why I calculated costs and asked each bridesmaid to chip in fifteen dollars at least. You’ll probably have to put in a little more of your own money but when it comes to it, anything for the bride.

Planning a Bachelorette can be tricky and confusing sometimes. But no matter how it turns out, the bride is sure to love it because you planned it and you all got to spend time with each other.

How to Throw the Perfect Bachelorette Party A few months ago my very best friend got engaged to the love of her life. It was all so beautiful: The proposal, the ring, the guy, the girl, the dress, the details....

#Bachelorette #Best Friends #Maid of Honor

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thespinedrivesatardis · 6 years ago

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Love at First Bite

Here's a story I wrote a few months ago I figured I'd share:

"Come on babe we have to go meet Brenda before the sun comes up," Jason sighed as Vlad took his time getting ready.

"I just need to finish putting on my eyeliner and we can go."

Jason was in awe even 194 years of being married to the guy at how he managed to have such flawless makeup without being able to use a mirror.

"You're so high maintenance."

"And you've loved me for two hundred years nonetheless."

"Yeah. You might be a ding bat but you're my ding bat."

After about ten more minutes Vlad was finally ready to go. He looked good tonight, well Jason thought he looked good every night but that was besides the point. They got in their car it was a beat up old black pick-up truck that blended in well at night. They pulled out of the driveway carefully as to not make any of their neighbors suspicious. Most of their neighbors were fine with them being gay but they doubted the whole vampire thing would go over so well.

"Let's turn on some tunes!" Vlad shouting reaching for the dial on the radio.

He flicked through the channels until he heard a Katy Perry song. Both of them sang along loudly and just a but off-key. Jason stopped the car as they arrived at the hospital. They parked in the back where they always met Brenda and got out of the car.

Brenda was standing by the lightpost in her plain blue scrubs holding one of those insulated lunchboxes and something else. As they got closer they could see it was a baby.

"Hey boys I've got the goods per usual. This batch was set to expire in a couple days so I'd drink as much of it as possible as soon as you get home."

"Thanks Brenda you're a literal lifesaver!" Vlad exclaimed being as dramatic as ever.

"Can one of you hold this," She asked extending the baby away from her "I really need a cigarette."

Jason had never held a baby before and was kind of nervous but hesitantly took the small creature into his arms anyways.

"Not like that. You gotta cradle the head," she said the cigarette dangling out of her mouth as she lit it.

Jason shifted the baby in his arms. He had to admit human babies were quite adorable. The baby woke up from the movement and started to cry loudly. Vlad could see the panic in his husband's eyes and moved to assist him. He moved his husband's arms so he was rocking the baby and sang it an old Romanian lullaby he'd heard growing up Transylvania. It didn't take long for the baby to get back to sleep.

"You two are pretty good with him," Brenda commented letting out a final puff of smoke and then putting the cigarette out with her shoe. "I need you to do me a favor."

"What is it? You do so much for us we'd love to repay you."

"That little guy's mother died during the delivery and we don't know who the father is. Dr. Davis wanted to call CPS but I just can't do that to him. I grew up in the orphanage with no chance of a real home. I had to live there with no family until my 18th birthday and I don't want the same for him. Dr. Davis gave me three days to find him a home before he calls the authorities to take him away. I need you to look after him for the rest of the night for me. I can come get him when my shift is over at six."

Brenda noticed the weird look they were giving her and expecting rejection added,"Please it'll be for just a few hours."

"Sure why not? It's not like we've got any plans tonight anyways," Vlad said after a while.

"Really? Thanks guys. My break is almost over so let me get you his carseat."

Brenda took off leaving them with the baby.

"Are we really doing this?" Jason asked.

"Brenda has been stealing blood for us for 10 years. She constantly risks her job to help us out. The least we can do is babysit for a night," Vlad scolded.

"I guess you're right."

Brenda returned with the car seat and walked them to their car. Jason placed the baby in the car seat gently and was fumbling with the seat belt. He couldn't figure out which piece was supposed to fit in where. Brenda got impatient and shoved him out of the way clicking it together easily. With the baby fastened in they said their goodbyes.

"Do you think he has a name?" Vlad asked out of nowhere.

"Probably not that's the kind of paperwork the mother fills out after the delivery."

"He looks like a Todd."

"I guess calling him Todd is a good alternative to 'the baby'."

They arrived home Vlad carrying Todd's carseat with Todd still sound asleep inside and Jason carrying the blood. Vlad set Todd's carseat down on the living room floor and followed his husband to the kitchen.

"Want to put it in some tomato sauce and make Spaghetti?" Jason asked.

They didn't gain any nutrition from the human food but it tasted better than the blood alone and cooking was fun.

"Whatever you want babe."

The bloody pasta sauce mixed with the meat Jason was stirring smelled so good. Vlad's mouth watered a little as he stirred the boiling noodles and occasionally stole kisses from his husband.

Vlad set the table while Jason poured the sauce over the noodles. They talked and laughed while they ate completely forgetting about Todd. They were doing the dishes when they heard crying from the other room.

Both if them went running to his carseat. Vlad picked him up feeling that he was wet. He was probably hungry too.

"We need to go to the store. He's going to need diapers and formula."

They lived in a small town where the only Walmart was 20 miles away. The only thing they could get to easily that was open at 4 in the morning was the 7/11. Jason had a hard time with the car seat's seatbelt again because even though he knew how the pieces fit together now he was having a hard time clicking them shut with his long claw like fingernails. Vlad wasn't having much more luck until finally they go it. Todd was still crying through all of this. On the way to the store they tried singing to him again but it was futile. He cried the whole way there.

Jason stayed in the car with Todd not wanting to take a crying baby inside the store while Vlad went in to get the stuff. He returned to the car a few minutes later with small packages of diapers and wipes, a cylinder of formula and a baby bottle that seemed to be made of very cheap plastic but they had to deal with whatever they could find this late at night. Todd cried the whole way home too and it was excruciatingly loud due to vampires having more sensitive hearing than humans.

When they got home Jason heated the formula while Vlad changed him having to be careful with his nails that were just as long as his husband's. Vlad couldn't help but think about what a great team he and his husband made. He almost wished they could have a child of their own but vampires couldn't reproduce due to the whole being dead thing and children usually never survived being bitten so there were no vampire children for them to adopt. But what if-? It was crazy and Jason might not go for it but he had to try. He picked up Todd and carried him to the kitchen giving Jason a quick peck on the cheek once he got there. Jason was squeezing a little bit of milk out of the bottle onto his wrist to make sure it wasn't too hot. It was the perfect temperature. Todd finally stopped crying as soon as he had his bottle.

"You gotta admit he's pretty cute huh?" Jason said.

Vlad was surprised at the statement but decided to take the opportunity to tell Jason his idea nonetheless.

"Yeah. We make a pretty good team taking care of him. Don't you just wish that we could have a child?"

"Well yeah. Nothing would make me happier than raising a baby with you. But vampires can't have kids."

"Brenda said she needed to find a home for Todd. What if- what if we keep him?"

"I don't know Vlad. I mean we're not human. He needs very different things than we do."

"Yeah but we used to be human. We can handle this."

"We haven't been human for 300 years. I wish we could keep him too but I'm just afraid we wouldn't make very good parents for him."

Vlad set the sleeping Todd back in his car seat taking Jason to the living room with him. He sat down on the couch next to him cupping his chin.

"Listen to me Dragul meu. I want to start a new chapter of my life with you if you want to as well. I would share the adventure of parenthood with no one else but you. I know that we can do this. I believe in you and I believe in us." Vlad finished his speech taking Jason's hands and placing a soft kiss on them.

Jason smiled a little teary eyed. Vlad always knew what to say to make him feel better. They could do this. They could raise a baby and human or not they'd love him with all their unbeating hearts. They heard a knock on the door as they sat in each others embrace. Vlad went to go get the door knowing it was Brenda. He couldn't wait to tell her the good news.

"There's something we need to talk to you about. He's still sleeping so we have to be kind of quiet." Jason said just above a whisper.

Brenda had only seen this serious of a look on the two men's faces twice since she'd known them. The first time was when they told her they were gay which she already knew because anyone with eyes could see the way those two looked at each other. The other time that had been a bit more shocking to her was when they revealed to her that they were vampires. It took her a minute to get over the initial shock but they were her best friends and she cared about them no matter what. Right now though she was worried about what they might have to say.

"What is it?"

Vlad took a deep breath. "I'm just gonna come right out and say it. We want to adopt Todd."

"Who's Todd?"

"The baby."

"You named him?"

"Yeah. He looks like a Todd doesn't he?"

"I guess so. You want to adopt him? That's great!"

"You mean we can keep him?"

"Of course. You two would make amazing parents."

Brenda was really tired after her shift so they let her stay the night. The next afternoon Vlad and Jason applied lots and lots of sunblock and they all went down to the courthouse to start the adoption process. A few months later Todd was all theirs. They threw a big adoption party inviting some of their neighbors and of course Brenda. They were the happiest they'd ever been in their lives,apart from their wedding, as they held their son Todd.

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stylegeist-blog · 7 years ago

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I Can’t Stop Smelling My Hair

My Date with Coco and Eve

Anyone who knows me knows I love to change the color of my hair. Now, I may not do it as often as I like, but I doubt you would be running to a salon chair if your hair literally takes on average about 4 hours. I am being super conservative in that estimate...it’s probably closer to 6-8 hours. From the time I’m taken to the sink to the time where I am saying goodbye I have actually seen 2 shift changes at a salon once. I have this thick mane of Spanish hair that was so consuming as a child I was a few haircuts away from Cousin It.

I think I started going to a professional stylist for hair color when I was about 19...because I was SOOOO grown up at 19 that I couldn’t bother with Manic Panic and Punky Color. I think the very first color we played with was a deep purple. All that said I have been “treating” my hair practically my whole life. And while I was bless with the glorious amount of thick and healthy hair over the years it has become much thinner than it was and I was already at the thin texture. Dry, brittle hair and a lecture from every stylist sans wela. I always get a masque even when I am just going in for a blowout. I use the right products on it (thanks to my wela) and it seemed that no matter what I did it was always going to have some split ends it would be dry at the ends and I just had to learn to manage it.

Sometime back I tried out a new salon appropriately named Alex’s Salon. There he scolded me (in that tough love kind of way) and introduced me to Olaplex Hair Protector and sent me on my way with the take-home version. I tried it and I honestly I was a bit underwhelmed...either that or I use it correctly. It seemed ok but was nowhere near the glowing reviews from my friends. In their defense I am sure it was an amazing product for their hair, mine...another story.

While hanging out on Instagram several weeks ago I came across a product called Coco and Eve. I already knew I was on the right track, their ads feature models of all ethnicities and that’s always a good sign for someone who is multi-ethnic. So, I laid out the styling tools and hopped in the shower. The first step, I used a color-reposit shampoo called Viral in light pink. This is a shampoo that is colored and literally does what it says, adds color back into the hair and it has extended the life of my color for over 5 months. Second step was to used my normal conditioner which is Moroccan Oil. I have this hair that just loves to give me trouble. It tangles at the first chance and that tangle if not dealt with can dread way too fast. Moroccan Oil is the first shampoo and conditioner to cut my shower wash time down by more than half. It usually stays untangled until (sometimes) styling. It makes your hair feel like silk and that smell could be an perfume tor a candle. Either way, I’m in. Third step was to move on to some deep conditioning which almost always requires me to either get out of the shower and then back in when the time is right or to shut off the shower, (because I live in California and we almost always have a drought), and do some shower karaoke while I wait to pass the time. I choose to use Rossano Ferretti’s Parma Prodigio Regenerating Treatment which I left in for about 15 mins. Lastly, I dried off and left my hair damp to apply the Coco & Eve Like a Virgin Super Nourishing Coconut and Fig Hair Masque. I didn’t have an suggestions on how long to leave it in for so I left it in for probably about an hour and a half. My first impression was “Holy cow, this stuff smells like heaven!”. The kit comes with a small comb which you are supposed to used in the application of the product. I tried with the comb and I found it to be one of the most frustrating hair experiences in my life. The substance is very thick, which is great. difficult to work through my hair. I finally gave up and used my hands and shower hair brush. For those of you who may not know, you shouldn’t use a brush in the shower unless it is made to go in the shower. The reason is the material and bristle space are specifically designed not to pull your hair out. Though you can use a “wet brush” all the time, I suggest having two or three brushes at least. 1 wet brush, 1 dry brush, and one or more styling brushes. This allows you to use the right tool for the right job getting a better result in each thing you use it for. I personally have a wet brush, a dry brush, and two different sized round brushes for styling.

Once I was able to get all of the contents of the jar into my hair, which though a bit difficult it is also a bit more fun than I thought it would be. I massaged the masque from root to tip and paid special attention to the parts of my hair that needed it most, in this case, the ends. I formed it into a ponytail and loosely wrap it around itself and used a shower cap that I bought at Daiso (Japanese $1.50 store) for $1.50. It’s a pretty comfortable and durable material and thankfully, even though my hair was quite heavy at the time it was still able to stay in place. I just threw it into the laundry when I was done with it since their product is all natural and fabric of the cap slick. I hung out and watched a show on Amazon. After at least and hour in a half..probably closer to 2 hours. Then I went back to the shower and rinsed it out gently. I was hoping to leave a little in my hair just in case, but I ended up just washing it all out. My hair felt amazing. I was happy but my normal conditioner makes my hair feel the same so I was still reserving judgement for styling. I pat dried my hair as directed and hoped for the best as I sectioned my hair for drying. I used the normal Argan Oil that I do for heat protection and went to town. After drying I used a curling straightener to both curl and straighten my hair (more about that in another post). When I was finally done and had removed my heat glove (because I do not like to burn my hands on my very hot hair) I was finally able to feel the change in my hair and I have to say I was blown away. This product, though I may have had trouble with it at points really delivered on the “Like a Virgin” aspect. My hair felt like baby hair. It was the softest thing I have felt in a bit and I have a fluffy puppy. I wanted to know how long the results last and I have not washed it in several days and it still feels great, it’s not weighed down, it’s not oily, it’s just soft and shiny and smells AMAZING. I have spent the week smelling my own hair. It all sounds fine and normal until you do it in public enough.

Steps:

1. Viral Pastel Light Pink Colorwash

2. Moroccan Oil Conditioner

3. Rossano Ferretti Parma Prodigio Regenerating Treatment

4. Olaplex No.3 Take-home Treatment

5. Coco & Eve Like a Virgin Hair Masque

Where to Buy:

Viral Celeb Luxury $23-$30 was purchased at professional hair supply store by my stylist but should be able to be found at a place like Sally’s. I love this stuff.

http://wild.link/walmart/ANEg

Pro: It matched my color perfectly and adds just the right amount (I didn’t want it bright) Con: Availability

Moroccan Oil $56 33.8oz can be found at just about any place that sells shampoo such as Target or Walmart. My personal stash I purchase on Amazon.com. The can be purchased separately but usually together with the shampoo (which is what I use when I’m not using a colorwash).

http://wild.link/walmart/ANMg

Pro: Great for tangles, smells great, keeps the hair strong

Con: Price it could be more expensive than most people want to pay

Rossano Ferretti Parma Prodigio Regenerating Treatment $98 can be found at Sephora.com which is where I purchased mine.

http://wild.link/sephora/AM8g

Pro: Seriously helps the hair

Con: Price could deter people on a budget

Olaplex No.3 Take-home Treatment $28 I purchased through the salon but it is also sold at Sephora.

http://wild.link/sephora/ANAg

Pro: Price well priced for the average consumer and a little goes a long way.

Con: I didn’t notice a difference

Coco & Eve Like a Virgin Hair Masque $45 single $70 double I purchased off their site which is cocoandeve.com I took a change and bought the Bestie pack which is a double order. So now I have a backup for the next time I need it. I haven’t had to wash my hair yet so I don’t know what it feels like one wash later.

https://www.cocoandeve.com/products/super-nourishing-coconut-fig-hair-masque-1

Pro: EVERYTHING! The smell, feel, etc of the masque itself and the end result it wonderful.

Con: Not Sold in Stores some people prefer not to shop online but their checkout process is easy online.

Conclusion:

Of all the products I have tried Coco & Eve’s Like a Virgin Super Nourishing Hair Masque is the one I will make sure to have on hand. I am in love.

The best hair day ever in a small pink tub.

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blog-perfectgiverbouquet-blog · 7 years ago

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New School Year Resolutions (For Mums)

New school year resolutions (for mums)

And they are BACK! Mine went back to school today (as you can see, one genuinely excited and one… yeah, notsomuch)…

For me, the kids starting back is at school is even better than January for a good old Mum Refresh. I’ve been boring the kids senseless with advice on how to get on in this new school year. But it occurred to me this morning that I’m thoroughly crap at following that same advice myself. Here’s some stuff I tell them to do that maybe all mums should apply to themselves too…

Make lots of new friends

New mums at the school gates, mums you’ve admired from a distance but been too shy to talk to, or maybe ladies you think are fab but never get round to meeting for that wine or coffee. Get off your arse and make that arrangement. Chances are they really could do with a chinwag and a few drinks with a fellow mum, too. Let’s face it, husbands might pull interested expressions when you are describing that incident at the school gates between Marie and Wendy, or pondering whether Brad and Angie will actually get back together… but they would rather be watching Game of Thrones in their pants.

…but also nurture old ones

Yes, make the new mum friends. But look back on the past year. Which mates really made your life easier and more enjoyable? Which ones were there to drink wine at 5.15pm on a Friday and slag off your mutual partners with? The ones who raise you up, who support you and have your back? They are the ones to look after.

Ignore people who aren’t very nice

Stop wasting time being nice to people who simply aren’t interested in you (for whatever reason). You don’t know what their reasons are. But do you know what? Don’t fucking worry about it; it’s just not your problem. Politely move on.

If you need a wee, go for one.

How many times have I got annoyed when the kids are dancing around trying to finish a level on Skylanders or when playing and they clearly need to pee? A lot. Bea had several accidents last year and I know that she will put off having a wee till the last minute. Then I catch myself typing ‘just one more sentence’ before I will allow myself to get to the loo. Cue several minor accidents due to my severely impaired pelvic floor. FFS woman just go to the bog already! Geez.

Eat vegetables and drink water

Even if my son is currently only eating sweetcorn and cucumber with his school lunch, it’s fresh, vitamin-rich food that his body actually needs and I regularly remind him. Likewise with water. I drill its importance into my daughter who barely drinks a thing. Then I eat rubbish (sometimes) and don’t get a drink for hours! Treat your own body with the same concern you do your kids’.

Try your best

That’s all I ask of my kids. If you’re shit at something, don’t sweat it because you’re awesome at loads of other stuff. Just make sure you are really doing that bit of work that you are struggling with to the best of your ability. Even if it is just the Take a Break crossword.

Don’t compare

Kids are terrible for comparing their abilities or situation with others’. But adults are too! You know that annoying advert with the mustachioed man singing about insurance comparison? Well, change the word ‘Go’ with ‘Don’t’ – and every time you catch yourself comparing you or your kids… JUST FUCKING STOP IT. Whether it’s accidentally noticing that your kid’s classmate is reading Tolkien whilst yours struggles with Biff and Chipper, or the fact that Becky at school is a size 8 and has a 9 month old and you’re still struggling with ‘post baby weight’ despite having your last child 6 years ago… just quit it already. As Theodore Roosevelt said, ‘Comparison is the thief of joy’.

Relish new responsibilities

I told both of them this morning that new starters would be in their class and I want them to treat each new kid with respect and care: it’s their actual JOB as ones that have been there for a while. If anyone is crying I want you to look after them, I barked. (At this point, their eyes had glazed over). As each year progresses, the kids get more responsibility at school; whether that’s counting numbers for lunch or simply looking after the little ones. Same goes for us, too. Turns out, this adulting stuff is really hard. Who knew you had to renew your driving license every time you sodding move?! But sometimes you do just have to sit down and get that shit done.

Get rid of some energy

Kids have break time; we have lunch hours, or if you are a SAHM or self-employed then it’s dog or go to the shop walks – same thing. I intend, after six weeks’ worth of a diet made up primarily of sandwiches and crisps whilst day tripping with the kids, to have longer dog walks and generally just get out more to move around. Kids need it – they literally have to get rid of some energy. But we need to move too. So get off your arse and MOVE girl!

In the spirit of the new school year, new me, I shall also be cutting my chin length hair into a short crop and buying a few Autumn essentials. Y’know, maybe some boots and a coat. They get to be shiny and new – I want some of that as well! After six weeks of childcare I bloody deserve it!

What will you be resolving to do more or less of this new school year? Let me know!