#i went to undergrad 30 mins away from home

[zipquips]

i was so ready and excited to move out of state and away from home a few weeks ago but now that i'm starting to see friends and family for the last time i'm becoming so sad

[rosesupposes]

Ivy League

In which Race goes to dinner with Spot, his professor, and his asshole classmate and Spot ends up defending Race’s honor.

This is v v v self indulgent and probably doesn’t make much sense. Just know that Kelly Smaltzer is modern girlsie Smalls who just hasn’t gotten her nickname yet.

Read on AO3.

-

“Thanks so much for your help, Race. I was sure I was gonna fail this test.”

“No problem, Davey,” Race said, packing the empty containers from his lunch into his bag. Spot was on a meal prep kick and Race hadn’t been able to escape it. “After my midterm this morning, it actually reminded me that physics isn’t crazy.”

“Your Planetary Relations class right?” Davey started packing up his bag. 

“Yeah and then my Dance Comp one later. But Albert and I are having rehearsals beforehand and then we’ve got another rehearsal for a showcase.”

Davey looked confused, as he gathered up the trash from his lunch, along with the trash Jack and Crutchie had left when Race and Davey had started reviewing for Davey’s Physics I test. “I thought you and Spot had that dinner with his professor tonight?”

Race groaned and held up the garment bag he’d had to bring along with his backpack and dance bag. “We do. I’ve been lugging my pants and shirt around all day. I have to wear a tie, Davey. A tie.”

Davey rolled his eyes. “You’ll survive. Spot must really want to impress his professor if he’s risking making you wear a tie.”

“I resent that but it’s not untrue. And he does. She takes an intern every summer from her first year classes and he thinks it’s a really good sign that she invited him to this dinner. But she also invited that asshole classmate that Spot’s always complaining about. He’s bringing his girlfriend.” Race wrinkled his nose. 

“Oh, I see. That’s why your wearing the tie,” Davey said with the know it all tone that Race knew meant he was teasing.

“What?”

“You’re trying to out trophy wife the girlfriend.”

“Shut up and go take your physics test,” Race said, pushing Davey’s arm and then walking away from him. His phone chirped with a text from Davey not 30 seconds later. 

I’m adding 3 points to your pettiness score. You’re in the lead now.

-

His Dance Comp midterm went well, even if it ran over. He blamed Albert for drawing the last performance slot because he could have left early otherwise. His whole body ached, protesting the Pilates class from hell that he’d had before lunch and the three hours of rehearsal he’d had after. Going home and vegging out on the couch sounded infinitely better than going to Spot’s dinner. The food would be good, sure, and Spot’s professor was paying but he’d learned early on in Spot’s law school career that when people at law events found out he wasn’t also in law school, they tended to lose interest pretty quickly. He was usually relegated to the role of trophy boyfriend- which he could do and do well but it was kind of hard when he was this exhausted and coming right from a day of midterms. 

He tied his tie while he waited for his Uber and attempted to fix his hair using Snapchat as a mirror. Spot had mentioned that his asshole classmate’s girlfriend was apparently model pretty and Davey was right; Race was nothing if not petty. He was definitely going to be the better trophy wife tonight, even if he was exhausted and coming from four hours of dancing.

As soon as Race was in his Uber and had an ETA he trusted, he texted Spot.

mdtrm ran ovr b there 5 min l8 blame al

Okay

ur gonna wow her n then well get wine drunk w javid 2nite 2 celbr8

After texting Jack and Davey to make sure they could get wine drunk when Race and Spot got home, Race was happy to find his AirPods shoved into his wallet and he put them in so he could start reviewing the choreography for his upcoming Repertory midterm in his head. He got another text from Spot when he was about five minutes from the restaurant.

They're seating us now. Just ask for Taylor Caine.

k eta 4 min ur gonna kill it luv u

Race went right to the hostess when he entered the restaurant. She probably had a fancier title than hostess at a place like this but Race definitely didn't know the word, even if it was probably Italian. "Hi, I think my party's already been seated. I'm with Taylor Caine?"

The hostess gave him a once over, eyes catching on his poorly tied tie. "Of course, follow me, sir." She led Race through the main dining area and to another, smaller area where Race immediately picked out Spot and his group. He waved, hoping to catch Spot's eye and sure enough Spot saw him, his face brightening in a way that most people didn't recognize.

"Speak of the devil," he said, grinning as Race took the empty seat between Spot and who he assumed was asshole classmate's girlfriend. "This is my boyfriend, Antonio Higgins."

"Call me Tony, please," Race said, as if he ever used that name. "I'm so sorry I'm late, my dance midterm ran over."

The woman on the other side of Spot set her menu down and pushed her reading glasses on top of her head, offering her hand to Race, who took it. "No worries at all, we've only just ordered our drinks. I'm Taylor Caine."

"Oh the famous Professor Caine," Race crowed. "It's so great to meet you after all of Sean's stories."

"Only good ones I hope?"

"The best," Race agreed, grinning at Spot, who was getting the look he did when he was almost about to blush. Race decided to back off a little instead of laying it on so thick. "He loves your classes."

"Oh don't flatter her," the woman next to her said. The way she put her hand on Taylor's shoulder spoke of  years of easy familiarity and it made Race smile to think of having that with someone- with Spot- one day. "I'll never hear the end of it. I'm Dalia."

Race shook her hand and then turned to the man at her side- presumably Spot's classmate. Race offered his hand. The man took it, but not before staring at it disdainfully. He eventually deigned to introduce himself to Race, but not before Race reintroduced himself first. “Antonio Higgins.”

 "Joseph Huntington III. This is my fiancée, Kelly Smaltzer."

"Great to meet you." Race was sitting next to Kelly so he turned to her as well and offered his hand, which she shook. "That dress is absolutely beautiful. Vera Wang?"

Kelly's face lit up. She was very pretty and Race felt a little bitter. "Thank you, yes. How did you know?"

While the others discussed whatever it was lawyers discussed, Race told her about Jack’s internship at the fashion magazine and how they would obsess over spreads together for hours and they fell into an easy conversation about fashion magazines. Kelly, it turned out, was writing for the website of a competing fashion magazine but she quietly admitted to Race that she was hoping to break away from fluff pieces soon and then move to a magazine more like the one Jack worked at- one that was focused on fashion but strived for inclusivity and female empowerment. She had some interesting ideas and Race was slowly starting to like her. She and Jack would be a force to be reckoned with if put in the same room together. If they were relegated to conversation as trophy wives for the night, he didn’t think he would mind it.

Eventually the waiter appeared with drinks. Spot leaned into Race's space to tell him, "I ordered you a seltzer, babe."

Race kissed Spot on the cheek, taking his glass from the waiter. "Perfect, thanks." 

As the waiter took their orders, Race suddenly realized he hadn’t looked over the menu at all- a dangerous choice, since he could be pretty picky with his Italian food. He began reading over but he only got through two appetizers before Spot interrupted him, quietly pointing out two of the menu items. “There’s lasagna you’ll like and a pasta primavera, if you want something lighter.”

“You know me too well,” he said with a wink and Spot rolled his eyes. He thought he heard Joseph scoff but he ignored it.

Once they'd settled back into conversation after ordering, Race found himself the center of attention. "So, Tony," Taylor said as she put away her reading glasses. "Sean tells me you're also at Columbia?"

Race nodded. "I am. I'm still an undergrad though- only a junior. Sean's too smart for me; he graduated high school and undergrad early."

"Don't sell yourself short. You’re-" Spot started but was interrupted by Joseph.

"You're a dance major then?"

"Yes," Race said, taking a sip of his seltzer, "a dance major and-"

“And what do you plan to do with that?”

“Well, I’m not quite sure yet but I also-”

"At Yale, dance is folded into the Theater Studies major. It’s not a very popular major. Most students at Yale choose a more… useful path for undergrad. I majored in political science. Joseph continued, a not so subtle attempt at shifting the focus of conversation to himself..

"Oh, how interesting," Dalia said, sounding perfectly interested though Race didn’t miss the little annoyed look that crossed her face.

Joseph launched into what was probably meant to sound like a description of undergraduate life in New Haven but was actually just a thinly veiled list of his accomplishments. Race nodded politely at all the right points in Joseph’s resume but caught Spot tensing his body out of the corner of his eye. Hoping to head off Spot’s seething, Race grabbed his hand under the table and squeezed it once, shaking his head a little. He waited for Spot to nod back to him before turning to Kelly. God, Spot could be such a drama queen. And, coming from Race, who was now leading on the pettiness scoreboard in their apartment, that was saying a lot.

Race turned back to Kelly, hoping to hear more of her ideas for future articles. She seemed excited just to have the chance to talk about them and after listening to both Katherine and Sarah rant for hours on end, Race felt like he knew how to actually engage in the conversation as an ally without being a total jerk.

By the time their food came, it was clear to Race that Spot’s assessment of Joseph as a Grade A Asshole was correct. He attempted to make every conversation about him and his opinions. He kept making digs at Spot’s less than ideal childhood and cutting off his own fiancée to speak for her. He was sitting next to Dalia but spent the whole time clearly trying to impress Taylor. In his effort to engage with Taylor, he ended up essentially ignoring Dalia, Kelly, and Race, and only engaging with Spot because he had to. No one seemed overly impressed with his accomplishments or his attitude which helped restore Race’s faith in humanity a little but it did not make for a fun dinner table.

Race could tell Spot was getting closer and closer to going off. His jaw was tight and he kept clenching and unclenching his fists under the table. It was one of the things Race loved most about Spot- his righteous outrage in the face of someone treating others like shit- but now was not the time for an outburst. He kept one hand just above Spot’s knee, even while talking to Kelly, slowly rubbing circles right above his knee cap.

Taylor and Dalia were wonderful, trying to keep everyone involved in the conversation. It was when they asked Kelly about herself that Race really started to get annoyed with Joseph. He kept talking over her, even when she was asked a direct question, ascribing opinions to her that Race could tell from her face she didn’t really hold. He told their engagement story with a focus on how amazing his plan had been while barely mentioning Kelly. When he excused himself to use the bathroom shortly after that, Race made it a point to ask Kelly again about the articles she wanted to write for her magazine. Taylor and Dalia both listened intently to her ideas of what fashion magazines could- and should- be.

“Sorry,” she said after a few minutes, putting her hands back in her lap and blushing a little. “I just get really excited about this kind of stuff.”

“No, no,” Taylor said. “Don’t apologize, you have a lot of really intelligent ideas and you’re very good at expressing them.”

Kelly beamed. “Thank you. I don’t have much chance to talk about them, even at work.”

Dalia hummed thoughtfully and nodded. “I remember seeing some profiles on your magazine recently. I thought they mentioned how progressive it was.”

“In some ways, it is,” Kelly said thoughtfully. “But in a lot of ways it’s white feminism and it’s lip service. There are a few articles on intersectionality in relation to feminism that I was sure I would get to write if I pitched them but I’ve been shut down again and again. They only want the type of feminism that’s palatable to their investors and they refuse to push for anything more. And we need to push for more. Intersectionality is the most important part of feminism and if I can somehow provide visibility to trans women or women of color-”

“This again, honey?” Joseph said, grinning as he sat down. “Sorry about that. She gets overexcited sometimes.”

Kelly looked visibly upset but also a little like she was used to it. “I’m not overexcited, Joey. This is important.”

“I don’t know why you care so much. It doesn’t affect you.”

“It does and even if it didn’t, then it’s even more important for me to care.”

Race could see a real argument brewing and, while he wouldn’t mind Joseph making himself out to be even more of an asshole, Kelly didn’t deserve to be put down in the middle of a restaurant, by her fiancee, when she was right. Without even thinking about it, Race took a sip of his almost finished seltzer and then set down his glass towards the edge of the table, tipping it into his own lap. “Oh my god, I’m such a klutz.” He stood, giving Spot a significant look and hoping his boyfriend picked up his cue to change the subject. “Excuse me, I’ll just go clean myself up.”

Race pulled a waitress aside as he headed to the bathroom, telling her about the spill. He cleaned himself up quickly. Thankfully, the air dryer helped with his wet pants. By the time he returned to the table, everyone seemed calm, though Kelly was decidedly not looking at Joseph. Dalia was speaking when Race sat down again. “I can’t say much obviously but it’s very exciting to represent them, even just in the patent filings. I mean, I have a degree in physics so it’s fun to go back to my roots with all the intermediary work before their next spacecraft is ready. Oh, Tony, is everything all right?”

“All set,” he said, taking his seat. “Just a little seltzer. Sorry, did you say you were working on patents for a spacecraft? Is it the Kord Industries one?”

Dalia’s eyes brightened. “Yes, actually, do you know it?”

“I do,” Race said at the same time that Joseph snorted. Race ignored it but could feel Spot seething next to him and reflexively reached a hand down to grab his knee. Spot was not going to blow his shot at this internship over whatever he thought was Race’s honor; not if Race could help it.

“And how do you feel about them? Most people who know enough to recognize them from such a brief description have strong opinions.”

“Oh, he does,” Spot said, a lot calmer than Race would expect.

Race laughed. “I guess that’s fair. I-“

“What would a dance major know about spacecraft?” Joseph had said it quietly to Kelly, who did not look pleased with him. The comment was clearly meant just for her but he hadn’t said it quietly enough because the whole table had heard him loud and clear. 

“Joseph,” Kelly said, sounding scandalized. “Stop it.”

“It’s okay, Kelly,” Race said, forcing a smile onto his face, even though he was kind of exhausted from dealing with Joseph tonight.

“No, it’s not okay,” Spot interjected, standing in his seat and leaning over the table a little. “Antonio is double majoring in Dance and Astrophysics, which you would know if you hadn’t been interrupting him all night. He is the smartest and most passionate man I know. He has more talent in his pinky finger than you have in your entire body and will graduate with two very difficult degrees with no class overlap from an Ivy League school in 4 years. He’s already co-authored 2 papers as an undergrad and presented at 4 major conferences this year alone. And what have you done? Relied on daddy’s name for a degree and law school entry?”

“Spot,” Race hissed under his breath, tugging on Spot’s wrist. Both Joseph and Kelly were frozen on the other side of the table. “Sit down.”

“No, Racer. He’s been rude to everyone all night and he doesn’t get to insult your intelligence because one of your majors is dance and he couldn’t bother to listen to you and find out the other.”

Joseph seemed to have collected himself enough to lift an eyebrow, looking amused. “And you got in based on what? The scholarship for poor orphaned kids from Queens?”

“I’m from Brooklyn, asshole” Spot hissed and Race almost laughed. Leave it to Spot to bring up Brooklyn rather than his LSAT score of 179.

“I’m sorry but that is completely inappropriate language for a restaurant like this,” Joseph said still sounding amused. He looked to Dalia and Taylor, apparently aiming for conspiratorial. “I guess a place at Columbia is no guarantee for good breeding.” He turned back to Spot and Race, arms crossed as if he had won. “You should go now.”

“Actually, I think you should go, Joseph.” All eyes turned to Taylor who did not look happy at all. “Sean is right. You’ve been very rude tonight and I can’t say I blame him for lashing out. Kelly, darling, you’re welcome to stay. I’d love to hear more about your article ideas.”

Joseph’s absolutely shocked face would forever be one of Race’s favorite memories. He seemed frozen in his shock but Kelly jumped to action, standing and pulling Joseph up with her. “Thank you so much, Taylor, Dalia, but we’ll both be going. Sean, it was lovely to meet you. Tony, I’ll send you that article I was telling you about. Thank you all so much again. Have a lovely night.”

Kelly grabbed her coat and purse and pulled a shell shocked Joseph out behind her, without another word from him. Spot relaxed a little as he sat back down but Race saw the exact moment that he realized what had just happened.

“Professor, I am so sorry, that was completely inappropriate. We should go too-”

“Please don’t,” Taylor said. “You and Tony have been a delight tonight unlike Joseph. This is exactly why I do these dinners. You never know how a student behaves outside of class unless you meet them outside of class.”

“Yes, please stay,” Dalia said. “I’d like to hear Tony’s opinions on the Kord Industries spacecraft. The younger generation tends to have the most innovative thoughts on these things, in my experience. But first you’ll have to tell us where the nicknames Spot and Racer come from.”

Spot and Race grinned at each other. 

“Well, you see,” Spot started, turning back to the older women. “My brother likes to think he’s very good at giving people nicknames.”

[baromtm-blog]

⋆ ╰  another  year  at  hollingsworth  ,  another  year  of  the  big  six  rivalry  .  i  hear  that  BAROM  BANG  is  ensuring  PHI  GAMMA  IOTA  gets  a  solid  pledge  class  and  stays  at  the  top  of  the  ranks  . oh  ,  you’re  not  familiar  with  HIM  ?  ROMY  is  the  KIM  YUGYEOM  look  alike  from  CHARLESTON  ,  SOUTH  CAROLINA .  apart  of  PC  ‘16  ,  he  is  majoring  in  FINE  /  STUDIO  ARTS  and  has  plans  to  DEBUT  HIS  ARTWORK  AT  A  RENOWNED  MUSEUM  after  undergrad  .  it  makes  sense  they  pledged  their  house  ,  their  SAGACIOUS  &  CHIVALROUS  attributes  make  them  perfect  matches  .  however  ,  their  PUERILE  &  CONCUPISCENT  attributes  keep  their  name  alive  on  greek  rank .  if  you  don’t  catch  them  dancing  to  PLAYING  GAMES  -  SUMMER  WALKER  at  a  fraternity  band  party  this  year  ,  you’ll  be  sure  to  catch  them  nursing  their  morning  hangover  at  THE  LOFT  APARTMENTS  . cheers to  another  wild  semester  !

          hi  babies ,  it’s  ares  again  with  another  muse  !  he  is  a  slight  mash  of  the  chara  i  was  originally  gonna  bring  to  the  group ,  but  decided  that  i  like  this  version  much  better  !  i  won’t  talk  your  ears  off  about  myself  or  anything  since  i  know  this  intro  is  about  to  be  ...  how  do  i  say  ...  lengthy  as  it’s  very  background  /  family  history  heavy .  but  as  always ,  i  can’t  wait  to  write  with  everyone  (  again  !  )  and  i’m  not  ashamed  to  admit  that  j*stin  b*eber’s  ‘ journals  ’  helped  a  lot  with  muse  lmao . i’m  also  a  complete  IDIOT  who  reblogged  the  same  gifset  twice  but  i  refuse  to delete  it  because  yugyeom  is  beautiful ,  don’t  fight  me  on  that .

trigger  warnings :  detailed  talk  of  religion ,  minor  mentions  of  death ,  poor  writing ,  and  sugaring .

korean name  :  bang  ba-rom .

preferred spelling / arrangement  :  barom  bang .

nicknames  :  romy  /  romey  and  romeo  (  by  his  older  sister  only  ) . 

birthday  /  age  :  february  14th ,  1998  /  21 .

zodiac  :  aquarius .

pronouns  :  he  /  him  or  they  /  them .

gender  :  genderfluid .

sexual  orientation  :  bisexual .

romantic  orientation  :  biromantic .

height  :  6′0″  (  six  foot  ,  zero  inches  ) . 

hometown  :  charleston ,  south  carolina .  (  click !  )

current  location  :  savannah ,  georgia .

nationality  :  korean - american .

ethnicity  :  korean .

languages  spoken  :  english ,  korean ,  japanese ,  elementary  latin ,  and  conversational  mandarin .

bang  family  inspo  :  the  greenleafs  (  greenleaf  )  ,  the  gemstones  (  the  righteous  gemstones  )  ,  and  the  osteens .     

          𝖎𝖙  𝖜𝖆𝖘  𝖙𝖍𝖊  𝖘𝖚𝖒𝖒𝖊𝖗  of  1958  when  𝑘𝑖𝑚  𝑗𝑖-𝑚𝑖𝑛  was  born  in  sydney ,  australia  to  dong-wook  and  sook-ja ,  immigrants  from  seoul ,  south  korea .  the  family  was  small ,  but  loving  as  it  was  fueled  with  love ,  patience ,  and  the  parents’  love  for  the  lord .  ji-min  grew  up  in  a  home  that  was  religious ,  but  not  to  the  extreme ,  as  she  was  expected  to  go  to  bible  study  on  wednesdays  and  attend  service  on  sundays .  dong-wook  and  sook-ja  were  pillars  of  their  community  --  they  hosted  potlucks  after  service ,  always  had  small  cookouts  whenever  they  felt  the  need  to ,  and  they’d  give  the  clothes  off  of  their  backs  if  someone  needed  clothes .  overall ,  the  kims  were  the  neighbors  that  everyone  wanted ,  so  everyone  around  them  was  crushed  when  the  kims  decided  to  leave  behind  australia  for  the  states  --  specifically ,  south  carolina .

          𝖙𝖍𝖊  𝖋𝖆𝖒𝖎𝖑𝖞  𝖔𝖋  𝖙𝖍𝖗𝖊𝖊  settled  in  the  city  of  charleston ,  south  carolina  and  during  this  time ,  dong-wook  and  sook-ja  came  up  with  the  idea  to  open  their  own  church .  so ,  in  the  late  1960s ,  songbird  church  was  born .  of  course ,  the  congregation  was  small  (  as  was  the  church  building  itself  )  and  the  kims  paid  their  way  through  divinity  school  in  order  to  become  pastor  and  first  lady  respectively .  through  the  years ,  the  congregation  at  songbird  began  to  grow  to  the  point  where  they  were  able  to  purchase  a  bigger  building ,  and  the  kims  were  once  again  pillars  of  their  community .  during  this  time ,  ji-min  met  a  member  of  the  congregation  named  𝑏𝑎𝑛𝑔  𝑗𝑜𝑛𝑔-𝘩𝑦𝑢𝑛  who  was  only  a  year  older  than  the  then  fourteen  year  old .  the  couple  dated  for  four  years  before  getting  married  in  1982 ,  about  four  months  after  ji-min  turned  eighteen .

          𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖍  𝖙𝖍𝖊  𝖉𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖑𝖔𝖕𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖙  𝖔𝖋  technology ,  it  was  the  start  of  1986  when  songbird  was  first  televised  and  thus  changed  from  songbird  church  to  songbird  ministries .  dong-wook  and  sook-ja  drew  in  a  large  amount  of  viewers  through  their  channel ,  and  it  was  soon  that  they  were  moving  their  church  once  again  to  a  bigger  building .  ji-min  and  jong-hyun  decided  to  head  off  to  harvard’s  divinity  school  to  help  run  the  church  as  co-pastors .  soon,   the  televised  services  were  being  given  in  english ,  spanish ,  and  korean ,  one  of  the  first  churches  to  do  so .  three  years  later ,  ji-min  and  jong-hyun  welcomed  their  first  child ,  𝒏𝒂-𝒚𝒆𝒐𝒏 ,  in  the  winter  of  1989 .  after  the  birth  of  na-yeon ,  the  bangs  were  soon  having  the  second  child ,  a  son  named  𝒋𝒊-𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒐𝒍 ,  in  1993 . 

          (  death  tw  )  𝖘𝖔𝖓𝖌𝖇𝖎𝖗𝖉  𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖘  𝖍𝖆𝖉  𝖎𝖙𝖘  first  tragedy  when  dong-wook  passed  unexpectedly  from  a  heart  attack  in  1995 .  considering  that  dong-wook  and  sook-ja  never  had  any  other  children ,  the  position  of  lead  pastor  was  given  to  ji-min  and  jong-hyun  was  considered  to  be  the  ‘  first  husband  ’  of  the  church .  sook-ja  took  on  the  role  of  co-pastor  as  she  was  getting  older ,  and  would  often  lead  women’s  retreats  and  things  of  the  sort .  three  years  after  dong-wook’s  unexpected  death ,  jong-hyun  and  ji-min  welcomed  their  third  baby ,  another  son  named  𝒃𝒂-𝒓𝒐𝒎 .  it  was  a  year  later  when  sook-ja  decided  to  formally  retire  from  songbird ,  leaving  the  church  in  the  hands  of  jong-hyun  and  sook-ja .  the  two  of  them  brought  new  ideas  to  the  table  and  soon ,  the  church  grew  even  more  than  it  had  in  its  near  30  years  that  it  had  been  open .

          𝖎𝖓  𝖙𝖍𝖊  𝖘𝖕𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖌  𝖔𝖋  2000 ,  the  final  bang  baby  was  born ,  a  healthy  baby  girl  named  yuna .  the  family  continued  to  hold  high  positions  within  their  community ,  and  everyone  knew  their  names  wherever  they  went ,  and  in  the  fall  of  2008  the  family  opened  the  doors  of  the  songbird  ministries  campus ,  where  they  were  able  to  seat  16.9k  congregates .  by  this  time ,  na-yeon  was  attending  duke’s  divinity  school  with  aspirations  of  becoming  a  co-pastor  at  songbird  while  ji-cheol  was  a  youth  pastor .  so ,  where  did  that  leave  little  ba-rom  ?

          𝖋𝖗𝖔𝖒  𝖆  𝖞𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖌  𝖆𝖌𝖊 ,  barom  knew  that  he  didn’t  want  to  be  a  part  of  songbird .  while  he  did  love  the  church  and  everything ,  he  knew  that  being  a  pastor  wasn’t  in  the  cards  for  him .  much  like  many  middle  children ,  barom  felt  like  he  was  often  overlooked  or  ignored ,  so  his  parents  didn’t  really  pay  much  attention  as  he  did  what  he  wanted  to .  it  didn’t  help  that  na-yeon  would  often  cover  for  him .  barom  was  the  child  who  only  embraced  his  church  boy  image  when  it  was  necessary  for  him ,  and  when  he  reached  high  school  and  would  often  find  himself  sitting  across  from  the  principal ,  his  favorite  phrase  was  ‘  don’t  you  know  who  my  parents  are  ?  ’   barom ,  even  though  he  was  often  overlooked ,  was  ridiculously  spoiled  by  his  parents .  during  his  summers  away  from  charleston ,  he  was  often  spending  time  at  the  family’s  summer  house  in  the  hamptons  or  when  winter  break  rolled  around  he  was  jetting  off  to  the  aspen  mountains  for  some  snowboarding .

          𝖉𝖚𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖌  𝖍𝖎𝖘  𝖞𝖔𝖚𝖙𝖍 ,  𝖇𝖆𝖗𝖔𝖒  had  an  affinity  for  the  arts ,  particularly  fine  arts .  he  liked  going  to  museums ,  he  enjoyed  getting  new  art  supplies  for  christmas  or  his  birthday ,  and  he  often  took  home  first  place  whenever  he  entered  into  his  school’s  art  competitions .  this  explains  why  after  he  graduated  from  high  school ,  he  began  to  look  into  art  programs  at  various  schools .  the  summer  before  attending  college  (  ultimately  at  hollingsworth  u.  )  barom  goes  off  to  italy  to  take  a  summer  long  art  course .  he  was  staying  in  venice  and  spent  most  of  his  days  sketching ,  painting ,  and  making  memories  until  he  encountered  a  man  a  few  years  older  than  him .  at  only  twenty  six ,  the  man  was  wealthy  and  liked  to  flaunt  it ,  especially  with  a  wide - eyed  barom .  they  spent  time  on  the  man’s  yacht ,  partying  with  other  wealthy  italian  locals .  funnily  enough ,  at  that  time ,  barom  only  wanted  one  thing  from  the  man  --  his  money .

          𝖔𝖋  𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖗𝖘𝖊 ,  𝖇𝖆𝖗𝖔𝖒  𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖑𝖉  pay  his  own  way  and  do  whatever  he  wanted ,  but  there  was  something  about  being  able  to  bat  his  eyelashes  and  make  someone  weak  in  the  knees  that  made  him  feel  powerful .  in  essence ,  barom  had  become  a  sugar  baby ,  and  he  was  perfectly  content  with  that .  no  one  could  tell  him  no ,  and  boy  was   he bratty  if  they  even  attempted  to .  the  summer  comes  to  a  close  and  he’s  back  stateside  to  attend  his  first  year  of  college ,  and  all  goes  well .  during  this  time ,  barom  decides  to  pledge  phi  gamma  iota ,  the  epitome  of  nice  boy  frats ,  but  barom  was  nothing  close  to  a  nice  boy .  during  his  second  semester ,  barom  became  involved  with  his  second  sugar  daddy ,  a  rolling  in  dough  man  in  his  forties  who  was  bound  to  take  over  his  father’s  oil  company  in  texas .  the  man  was  on  vacation  in  savannah ,  ga  (  with  his  wife ,  no  less  )  when  he  encountered  barom  at  a  lively  nightclub  in  town .  he  may  have  only  been  eighteen ,  but  barom  soon  had  the  man  tipsy  and  wrapped  around  his  finger ,  whispering  sweet  nothings  into  his  ear  while  getting  what  he  wanted . 

          𝖙𝖍𝖊  𝖗𝖊𝖑𝖆𝖙𝖔𝖓𝖘𝖍𝖎𝖕  𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖚𝖊𝖉  𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖓  after  the  man  returned  to  texas ,  but  that  didn’t  stop  barom  from  going  to  live  his  best  life  in  new  york  over  the  summer .  once  again  he  spent  time  focusing  on  his  art  in  a  new  city ,  but  he  also  found  himself  playing  the  same  tricks  on  a  man  in  his  thirties ,  who  became  trapped  under  barom’s  thumb  with  only  a  few  kisses  on  his  neck  and  his  skilled  usage  of  his  ‘  fuck  me  ’  eyes .  out  of  the  sugar  daddies  that  he’s  had ,  the  one  from  new  york  was  the  only  one  that  he  had  ever  been  intimate  with .  to  barom ,  this  one  was  a  bit  different  for  whatever  reason  and  the  two  decided  one  night  to  go  out  to  an  upscale  club  in  manhattan .  the  two  sipped  alcohol  until  the  early  morning  hours ,  soon  leaving  the  venue  so  wrapped  up  in  one  another  that  they  missed  the  paparazzi  lingering  outside  (  did  i  forget  to  mention  that  his  man  was  ahem  ...  ~famous  ?  ) .  so  anyways ,  some  risque  photos  of  the  couple  get  taken  due  in  part  of  these  fools  not  letting  up  the  window  to  their  car  (  nothing  bad ,  but  let’s  just  say  that  barom  looked  as  though  he  was  thoroughly  enjoying  himself  ) .

          𝖙𝖍𝖊  𝖌𝖚𝖞  𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖘  𝖚𝖕  ending  their  relationship  when  he  gets  blackmailed  for  them ,  and  maneater  barom  had  his  heart  broken  for  the  very  first  time .  thus ,  when  he  returns  to  #hworth  for  his  junior  year  ,  barom  avoided  getting  another  sugar  daddy  for  an  entire  year .  he  focuses  on  his  fraternity ,  schoolwork ,  and  really  buckles  down  on  his  art .  his  junior  year  goes  well ,  but  an  old  dog  won’t  learn  new  tricks ,  so  the  summer  before  his  senior  year ,  barom  picks  up  his  fourth  (  and  most  current  )  sugar  daddy ,  a  guy  who  lives  in  buckhead ,  atlanta  and  honestly  don’t  ask  me  why ,  but  i  picture  him  as  a  young  matthew  mcconaughey .  again ,  DON’T  ask  me  why .

          𝖆𝖘  𝖋𝖔𝖗  𝖍𝖎𝖘  𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖘𝖔𝖓𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖞 ,  barom  is  quite  wise  for  his  age ,  and  he  partly  blames  that  on  the  fact  that  he  grew  up  in  the  church .  if  you’re  in  need  of  some  sound  advice ,  he’s  your  man ,  but  he’s  gonna  beg  you  not  to  ask  as  well .  despite  his  sugaring  ways ,  he  is  also  very  independent  and  likes  to  do  things  on  his  own .  his  family  may  have  provided  him  with  the  best  of  things  ranging  from  maids ,  butlers ,  and  a  slew  of  foreign  cars ,  but  he  liked  to  do  things  on  his  own .  he  found  doing  his  laundry  or  washing  his  dishes  after  dinner  as  quite  therapeutic ,  and  he’s  still  the  same  way  to  this  day .  negatively  speaking ,  barom  can  be  very  childish ,  but  i  would  say  leaning  more  on  the  bratty  side .  as  a  man  who’s  used  to  getting  his  way ,  being  told  no  will  turn  him  into  a  pouty  baby  in  no  time  and  he’s  the  worst  because  i  swear  he’ll  sit  in  the  middle  of  the  floor  and  pout  until  someone  says  yes .  he  can  also  be  lewd  in  his  speech  and  it  mostly  stems  from  the  fact  that  he  is  extremely  confident  with  his  sexuality .  it’s  even  worse  when  he’s  had  alcohol  --  this  is  when  he  gets  more  relaxed  and  he’s  more  likely  to  start  turning  those  sweet  nothings  to  tender  touches  and  soft  kisses .  also ,  you  should  know  that  he’s  the  biggest  blackpink  stan  so  if  you  hear  him  blasting  their  music ,  chances  are ,  he’s  wearing  a  face  mask  with  his  hair  pulled  back  by  a  pikachu  hair  band  and  living  his  best  life .

as  for  most  wanted  connections  :

i  would  really  love  the  drama  of  someone  figuring  out  that  he’s  a  sugar  baby  and  holds  it  over  his  head  all  the  time  ?  and  barom  always  is  whisper  yelling  at  them  to  not  tell  anyone  or  his  life  would  literally  be  ruined .

hmm ,  i  think  it  would  be  interesting  for  him  to  have  a  crush  because  he  wouldn’t  know  what  to  do  with  himself .  he’d  be  a  little  awkward  baby  around  them  with  blushed  cheeks  and  probably  stuttering  all  the  time  ....  i  need  it  !

i’m  literally  so  desperate  for  an  angsty  friends  with  benefits  or  ex  friends  with  benefits  because  i’m  such  trash  for  plots  like  these  it’s  not  even  funny .

um ,  i’m  also  down  to  brainstorm  or  work  based  on  chemistry  but  i’m  really  excited  to  plot  and  interact  with  everyone  again  ! 

[ibsul-jin]

Min-zero (Part II)

Word count: 3.1K

“I think you might be mistaken, Y/N. The pleasure will be all mine,” Mr. Song says as he finally turns to face you.

Wait. That face. It can’t be.

“You- you!” you exclaim, thrusting a finger in Mr. Song’s direction. You open and close your mouth a few times, unsure of exactly what to say. You’re speechless from the shock. How? What? – What was going on. After a long pause, you erupt into a fit of giggles. You can’t contain yourself so you laugh and laugh until you’re clutching at your sides, unable to stop.

“Good one, Mino,” you wipe a tear from the corner of your eye. “Damn, how did you even come up with that? You were always a good prankster, weren’t you?” you walk around the office trying look for the hidden cameras. You lift up a suspiciously placed snow globe off a bookshelf to inspect it closely.

“I would appreciate if you didn’t touch that Miss Y/N,” Mino warns. You stick your tongue out at him.

“You have to tell me, though. How on earth did you get the CEO of WIN Enterprises to play along?” you look at Mr. Kim sceptically.

“Miss Y/N, I’m appalled at your behaviour!” Mr. Kim looks flabbergasted. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, very funny. Now can we please drop the act? There’s no way Min-zero here is actually the CEO of this company,” you retort.

Min-zero was the nickname you gave your high school classmate and number one rival, Song Minho, or Mino, as he wanted everyone to call him. Mino was the archetypical class clown. He never took his studies seriously and instead loved to rap, sleep, or pick on you. Meanwhile, you were class president, valedictorian the year you graduated, and an overall high achiever. Your contrasting personalities was what led to you to begin bullying each other non-stop. Mino hated your perfectionism, the way you never accepted failure, and he especially hated how you always thought you were better than him. You hated that Mino never took anything seriously, the way he had no concept of taking responsibility for his actions, and that he was just generally annoying.

“Now listen here, Miss Y/N. Mr. Song told me that you both were previously acquainted but he assured me that this conflict of interest would not affect either of your abilities to work. However, I will not tolerate abusive language towards an exemplary employee and personal friend. I request that you apologize to Mr. Song immediately or resign if you are not able to cooperate.” Mr. Kim warns you sternly.

“Sir, I would appreciate if you could give Y/N and myself some time to talk in private. This must be a shock to her. We haven’t seen each other since we graduated high school,” Mino interjects before you say something that would land you in even bigger trouble.

“Alright, you may,” Mr. Kim sighs. This was getting to be too dramatic for him to handle at his old age. Before he leaves, he leans into Mino’s ear and you hear him whispering “don’t be afraid to call security if you need to.” That little.

When you and Mino are finally left inside the office by yourselves, reality begins to dawn on you. It was awkwardly quiet. Why was no one was yelling “Surprise! Gotcha!” or pointing out hidden cameras? You pinch yourself. Okay, so you weren’t dreaming either; Song Mino was actually the new CEO of WIN. Fuck. But how? You look Mino up and down, seeing him properly for the first time.

He’s changed a lot since high school. Now he is tall and handsome, with shoulders broader than you remember them. He fills out his perfectly tailored designer suit nicely. His skin is smooth and his acne had cleared up completely since you last saw him. His jet black hair is styled perfectly, lightly swept up to reveal his forehead. Mino’s most defining feature, his prominent eyebrows, are the same as you had remembered. Except one of them is now raised as he looks at you questioningly.

“Y/N, I asked if you’re okay,” his voice brings you out of your own thoughts.

“Okay? How could I be okay? I’m confused as hell,” you storm up to him. “How are you the CEO? How am I your assistant? What the hell happened to you after high school?” you jab your finger into his chest with every question. He grabs your wrist to stop you and the action catches you off guard. He smirks, relieved to be able to have shut you up for at least a minute.

“Have a seat and I’ll explain everything,” he says coolly. “Want anything to drink?” He asks.

“Some water would be nice,” you say quietly. He pours you a glass from a water filter sitting near his desk.

“Okay… where to begin?” Mino leans back in his chair and loosens his tie. “It’s nice to see you after such a long time, Y/N,” he peers at you curiously.

“I can’t say the same,” you bite back.

Mino reaches into his desk drawers to pull out a few magazines and tosses them onto the table in front of you. They read “Minute Magazine’s 30 under 30”, “Borbes Rising Stars” and so on. One of them even has a glossy, front cover picture of Mino standing in front of a large building, dressed sharply and sporting a winning smile. You rifle through them; you get the picture. Mino is rich and famous now, apparently.

“After high school, I founded an internet start-up. I grew the business until it was too much for me and my small staff of fifteen to run by ourselves, so I sold it to the founder of WIN Enterprises. He liked my ideas for the future of the company and wanted to hire me. He wanted me to at least have a college education before I start working here, so he paid for me to study at Columbia University in the US. I finished my undergrad and MBA, came back to Korea and started working here as a low level employee. I had to work my way up the ranks so I could gain experience and last month, I was appointed as CEO. That’s the short and sweet version, I guess.”

Your mouth hangs open in disbelief. “You’ve got to be kidding me! You went to Columbia? You were literally the least motivated person I’d ever met back in high school. You always got zeroes! That’s why I fucking called you Min-zero all the time,” you shout.

“People change,” Mino shrugs. “I’m surprised you haven’t.”

“So why did you hire me? So that you could brag and show off how much more successful you’ve become than me? Well, congratulations, you got what you wanted. Now can I please leave?” you get up and angrily gather your things, prepared to leave. You weren’t going to lie, the fact that Mino had become so successful injured your pride, a lot.

Mino quickly rises to his feet. “No!” it comes out a lot louder than he anticipates. He clears his throat, trying to regain his composure. “No, that’s not why I hired you. I honestly do need a personal secretary and I know you need a job. I thought this might help us get over our old childhood feud. I saw your name in the list of applicants and thought that by having Mr. Kim interview you, you’d accept the job. You’re also more than qualified.”

You laugh sardonically. “Forget it. I don’t need this job if it means working for you.” You turn on your heels and march towards the door.

“Then- then- I’ll fire you before you resign!” Mino shouts, unsure of himself. You freeze in your tracks.

“Wait… is he even allowed to do that?” you think to yourself. This just became a matter of ego. You’ve never been fired from a job and you weren’t about to let it happen now. You turn and face him with a glare, weighing your options in your mind.

“I- I’ll pay you well,” he adds. “Plus a huge holiday bonus. And the company will cover insurance, too.”

You lift an eyebrow. Why was this guy trying so hard to keep you here? Then it suddenly occurs to you that this might be worth it; Mino would pay you better than any other company could, plus you could keep your prestigious title as executive assistant at WIN. You just had to tolerate his annoying ass for a little while, but you’d get used to it eventually, right?

“I’ll think about it. Give me a day and I’ll let you know what I decide,” you say.

“Really? Okay, perfect. Give me your cellphone,” he strides over to you and holds out his hand. Standing this close to him, you notice how tall he really is.

“For what?” you ask, backing up away from him.

“I’ll put my number in it so that you can call me.” He takes your phone out of your hand, puts in his number, and hands it back to you. “I’ll be looking forward to hearing from you,” he smiles.

That night you go home and think about everything that had transpired in Mino’s office. You had never expected to be put in such a situation. Given your turbulent history with Mino, you weren’t sure if working as his personal assistant was such a good idea. But a part of you was also curious to see how he lived now, years after high school, and if he was really cut out to be the CEO. Besides, you weren’t teenagers anymore. You both were mature adults who were capable of working in the same building without ripping each other’s heads off… right?

You scroll through the contacts on your phone trying to find Mino’s number, unsure of what he had saved it as. You roll your eyes when you see “Your boss CEO Song” at the end of your contacts list. You change it to “That Min0 Bastard”.

You: okay, I’ll work for you >.>

You definitely couldn’t back out now. Quitting was no longer an option for you. You send the message and head to sleep.

--

The next morning, you wake up to incessant pinging coming from your phone. You look over at the alarm clock groggily. Ugh, who the hell was messaging you at 5:30 in the morning? You unlock your phone to find several messages and missed calls from Mino.

That Min0 Bastard: Y/N where are you?? I need you to help prepare the reports for our meeting with a sponsor company this afternoon. That Min0 Bastard: You need to come into the office ASAP. That Min0 Bastard: Y/N pick up your phone!!!

You almost fall out of your bed. Was he serious? You didn’t know that you had to be at the office early this morning. This was supposed to be your first official day and you were already late! You haphazardly get dressed and skip breakfast to rush to work as fast as you can. You're vaguely aware that you look like a mess but you hope you can sort out your hair and makeup situation as soon as you got a bathroom break.

You race into the building and only stop running when you reach the door to Mino’s office. You try to collect yourself as much as you can before you enter his office.

“Ah Y/N, there you are,” Mino looks up from his laptop when he sees you entering. Beep! He presses a button on his watch. “Half an hour. Not bad, but you can do better,” he says, impressed.

“What are you talking about?” you ask, still panting from the exertion.

“Oh, I just wanted to see how long it would take you to get here from home if there really was an emergency. Don’t worry, there’s no meeting today. This is just to be prepared,” he says nonchalantly. Anger bubbles up to your throat.

“Are you kidding me?! I didn’t even get to eat breakfast!” you yell. Mino looks unfazed.

“Get yourself something from the cafeteria. I’ll give you ten minutes,” his attention has already returned back to his laptop. “Get me something too while you’re at it.”

You’re completely speechless. Just yesterday it seemed like you were going to have the upper hand in this game. Mino had seemed like he was negotiating with you, almost desperately, to keep you as his secretary. But that Mino was not the one in front of you now. The person sitting in front of you was someone you needed to be wary of. Rather than fighting with him and losing any precious time, you decide to save the battle for later. Right now, you just wanted to eat something and drink some coffee to wake yourself up. You storm down to the cafeteria.

You wait in line at the breakfast bar to get something quick to eat. There, you spot the guy that had run into you the day before.

“Oh, Y/N! Nice to see you. How is everything so far?” Seungyoon asks as cheerfully as he can, despite looking like he hasn’t slept in ages.

“Ugh, don’t even ask. Turns out, CEO Song is my new boss,” you grimace. You’re debating whether you should tell him that you knew Mino from before, but you decide that nobody really needed to know about your history. “You were right, he’s a total monster.”

“Ah, I’m sorry to hear that…” he sympathizes. “But I’m also not sorry,” he adds with a playful smile. You look at him quizzically. “I’m actually glad that we’re going to be working together from now on.” He beams at you. “Want me to buy you a coffee to celebrate?” he offers.

You feel the tension that had built up from the morning dissipate a little. You were grateful that you would have a friend going into this ridiculous situation, that someone was on your team.

--

“Are you finished with the translation, Y/N?” Mino asks, not looking up from the documents splayed across his rich, mahogany desk. You had been standing in front of his desk with the papers in your hand, waiting for him to acknowledge your presence for the last ten minutes.

“Yes, and here is the travel itinerary of Mr. Leblanc as well as the list of his food preferences. I will be there to personally receive him at the airport tomorrow.” That should shut him up for a little while, you think. Maybe now is a good opportunity to ask Mino if you could go home a little early today. It’s been two weeks since you started and you’ve spent every single evening in the office. It was getting quite suffocating being around him every single day and you were growing tired of biting your tongue each time he said something that would annoy you. You broach the topic carefully. “If that’ll be all, I’m going to get going. I have a few other commitments tonight,” you say before backing up to the door, ready to make your escape. Just before you can get one foot out the door, Mino speaks up.

“Hold on a sec,” Mino looks up at you. What on Earth could he have you do now? You’ve literally finished everything that needed to be done. He gets up from his desk and walks in front of it to face you, leaning back against the wooden surface. He folds his arms over his chest and cocks his head to one side. His eyes wander around your face, inspecting you. “You’ll do anything, right?” he asks after a long pause.

“W-What?”

His gaze seems to penetrate you.

“To keep this job. To not be fired… you’ll do anything, right?” His voice drops an octave making a shiver travel down your spine. He takes a step towards you. You start to panic at his sudden transformation. Mino’s words were overtly laced with a darker implication. What did this creep want from you? Surely he didn’t mean… that? Oh my god.

“What do you mean. What-what are you trying to say?” you squeak out. Mino was now less than an arms length away from your squirming self and seemed to get closer and closer. You never knew about this side of him until now. Was he always a playboy? Did he only hire you to get into your pants? Would this turn into angry revenge sex? You were mortified – not only because of the current position you were in – but also by the fact that you were seriously contemplating having angry revenge sex with your boss.

“I need you-” he whispers seductively. He moves closer and closer.

What should you do now? Scream? Run out of the office? You don’t trust either your voice or legs to save you now as they seemed incapable of following your brain’s instructions. Did you still have that bottle of pepper spray in your purse? Without taking your eyes off of Mino, you try to snake your hand into your purse to root around for it. He tilts his head down towards yours. His face is getting dangerously close and you still haven’t found the pepper spray. The spicy-sweet smell of his aftershave tickles your nostrils and makes your head swim. Then, his eyes flick down to your mouth. Mayday. MAYDAY. You eyes reflexively fluttered shut.

His lips moves past your face and whispers into your ear, making you flinch. “-To drop and give me fifty.”

“What-” you gasp as your eyes fly open. “What the fuck, Mino?!” you shout over his howling laughter. He’s doubled over and clutching his stomach, unable to stop snickering. You were getting serious dèja vu from your high school days. Embarrassed and thoroughly shaken up, you immediately ball your hands into fists and begin swinging at him. “You asshole!!!”

He holds his hands up, easily protecting himself from your punches, but you begin pounding your fists into his palms. Mino can’t stop laughing and his laughter is so contagious that, unbeknownst to you, your whines transform into hiccupping giggles while tears spring up into your eyes.

“That wasn’t funny, loser!” you laugh. It takes both of you a good five minutes to stop the fits of giggles, and when it dies down, it’s replaced by a heavy air of awkwardness. You realize that in order to maintain a standard of professionalism, secretaries ought not to be this comfortable around their bosses, nor call them “assholes”. You take a step back from him and smooth down your pantsuit. Mino’s expression is unreadable, and his face is tinged bright pink – probably from all the laughing that took the wind out of you both.

“W-well, if that will be all,” you start to say. Mino looks away from you and simply waves a hand in your direction, dismissing you.

[theycallmerome]

There’s a lot going through my mind right now.  I am leaving my current job in a small animal practice due to burnout and the extreme stress.  I can’t handle the difficult clients anymore like I used to. I went to my Dr yesterday after a client was upset (the nice way of putting it) about how her dog looked after grooming (a whole ordeal I got stuck in the middle of) and how she wanted us to do something about it, though our groomer had gone home already. I didn’t know what to do anymore. I lost it as soon as i went back to get the Vet.

I’m tired of dealing with clients who don’t respect us, with management/bosses who don’t see that they are putting us through a chaotic and toxic work environment. I’m tired of dealing with clients who don’t respect the profession and those of us who work in that profession. I’m tired of working long, exhausting hours, going home stressed, and being so tired or always working that I can’t do anything that my friends plan. Or because I don’t have the money.

I know Vet Med is my God given calling over my life. But right now I’m just tired. And at a crossroads. I had an interview at the clinic I take my cat and I have always loved them.  At first they could only offer me $1.50 lower than what I am currently making and unfortunately due to my current financial situation I can’t make lower than what I make now. And I let them know this. I had actually officially declined the offer because of that. I then began pursuing other career options and had come to like the idea of better pay, full benefits, weekends completely off, paid holidays, paid vacations, and separate PTO hours. I had come to really like the idea of leaving the Vet field altogether for awhile and learning something new and interesting. Then today comes. The day I was going to work on revamping my resume for this career change and I get a call from the manager of the clinic, stating that she had been talking with the 2 head vets, the staff I worked with during my working interview and they love working with me and don’t want to lose out on this opportunity for having me join their team. They actually went up on pay to meet what I am making now, they still don’t offer many benefits but do offer pet benefits (I do have a cat after all) and a 401K, which the 401K is more benefits than I have now. Right now I have pet benefits. That’s it. The hours would be better. Still would have to work some Saturday’s but I would be done and out no later than 2pm, most cases 1pm when they close.  I have always wanted to work there since I found them during my inital job hunt before moving here.

I’m caught between a rock and a hard place. I don’t want to take a job and then leave for something different.  But as my Mom stated, I need an immediate “get out” card from my current job.

During this, doing some reading of articles and forums from other vets, techs in the GP field, and my experience over the last decade in the 6 (yes, SIX) clinics I’ve worked in, I’ve discovered that GP is NOT for me once I get my DVM degree.  My priorities in life have changed. I live near my family instead of with them or completely on my own (as in they are only 30 min - 1 hour away instead of a 1300 miles away).  I have a boyfriend whom I love dearly. I’m not getting any younger, therefore my body doesn’t take stress as well. I need to be able to have time to take care of my body both physically, spiritually and mentally.  I feel like my poor cat gets neglected of my attention cause I come home and the last thing I wanna do is play with him, or love on him. I’m rarely home so I feel bad for him.

I’ve had so much time to think on things and I’m not sure what I’m gonna do. Lots of prayer for sure, talking it out with my family, friends and boyfriend.

I think the last time I was in a situation like this was when I was making the decision to leave my first college and transfer and all roads led to the one school I NEVER wanted to go to (at least at that point for undergrad).  But once the decision to go there was made, I met my best friend who I adore dearly, I still don’t like the school but I like the education I received. I discovered I did NOT want to go to Vet School there after all cause I hated the town so much. But in the end, it ended up being the best decision. But in that decision making process, there were a lot of tears and fighting, and talking, and praying.  A lot of pros and cons. 

Prayers would be appreciated.

[diegest]

Settling

My grandma and I were talking tonight about my cousin, who somewhat recently took back her ex she has been with on and off for like 4 years or so.

I think he’s an ugly, lazy piece of shit with no aspirations in life and I’m still fucking pissed he’s the reason she dropped out of college and cheated on her as many times as he did. Grandma and I think similar things, but clearly my cousin sees different.

My grandma said she thinks my cousin is just settling. She’s settling even though we both know she can do so much better. She’s clinging onto someone for the familiarity and on-and-off longevity (can you even call it longevity by that point?). My grandma then said, “I know this because that’s what happened with me and Larry.” (Larry being my grandpa that passed away 9 months ago, her ex husband after divorcing like...30 years ago or something like that?)

And I told her, “I get it. I believe it.” Grandpa was a sweet man. He was quiet and warm. But in the grand scheme of things, compared to Grandma, he was boring. He was comfortable with doing nothing or little in silence forever as a man of few words would obviously enjoy. He dedicated his time to his church, had little education beyond high school (if any?), and wasn’t always an active father.

I can see why grandma would be bored. I can see why she would consider being with Grandpa, “settling.” They had three kids together. They had my dad when she was only 20 and then had two daughters after him. They were married for I don’t even know how long. Maybe 20 years? (Since she’s turning 70 this year I think? I wasn’t born to do math.) But life together was dull and mundane. It wasn’t until she got with my new grandpa that she became happier and even he went on to remarry after they divorced.

It got me thinking, and I’m so proud of grandma. After having three kids and realizing enough was enough (of whatever other problems they had in their marriage/relationship) she was done. She wanted to move on. She realized she was settling for familiarity for the sake of the kids but she was sacrificing her own happiness to do so. Grandma has always been a giver but rarely has considered herself before others, which has resulted in terrible depression and crying spells when she cannot make those around her happy. In the end, she finally picked her own happiness, stopped settling for sub-par, moved on, became happily married, and has been with new grandpa for 30 years or so now.

It made me think of Travis. I think about him a lot. Not in the, “I miss you, I miss what we had sorta way” per se. But I’ve been thinking back to the time we spent together, just short of 6 years, and all the milestones. He was my first in tons of ways, even living with me for 2 of those years. But in the end, I wasn’t happy. It didn’t feel right. He had no aspirations and, although we were still jokey and silly, I was bored. I missed the spontaneity of what we had but recognized that from our teenage years to my soon to be bachelors degree, I was completely different. Sharper. Smarter. I wanted to continue my education (still do. That hasn’t fizzled out but I refuse to settle on a program and go into debt before I know for sure it’s right for me). He...lived day to day going to his min wage job, played WOW and League on repeat, ate, and slept. He wasn’t interested in going to new coffee shops with me. He wasn’t interested in traveling with me. He didn’t want to go to the concerts I scored tickets to. It just ran its course. And it was terribly, horribly boring. It was settling. So I ended it, and I’m so thankful I did because it allowed me to gain some independence, crack down on various potential career paths, and figure out what type of person is really meant for me.

So the conversation made me look at my own settling experience, but in the flip side it made me anxious thinking about the possibility of someone seeing me as ‘settling.’

I don’t want to be someone’s, “it’ll do” or “it’s good enough” or “it gets the job done.” I want someone to be head over heels in love with me forever. I want someone who will find joy in doing even the most mundane things with me. I want someone who can have a quiet day with me doing whatever hobbies we want and still be happy. Still look up from a screen, smile, kiss, and go back to what we were doing.

I don’t want to be a burden of any kind to a romantic partner. I want to be my partners best friend, partner in crime, late night snack buddy, and more. I want to continue having great sex for years to come and continue to find ways to spice things up or continue having sweet, slow, sensual fucks with.

In our low points, I hated coming home from work because I sometimes simply didn’t want to interact with him. I wanted to be left alone. I didn’t want to be bombarded with the same questions every day. I resented him sometimes for only playing games all day and working a minimum wage job while I pulled almost full time hours while going to school full time and being in an honors society.

In our high points, I came home filled with joy and eager to kiss him, make dinner with him, and tell him about my day. I loved to cuddle on the couch. I loved showering together. We had great sexual chemistry. We laughed and joked and the inside jokes are endless — some even sticking with me until today where I silently think about them and keep them to myself.

I feel like I finally have someone who I could potentially be on this level with again hopefully. But this time, with the added benefit of school being behind both of us (at least undergrad) and both of us pulling in full time hours. I enjoy our quiet days together as well as our days that we fill with traveling and blasting/singing to music in the car. I’m absolutely in love with him and sometimes it scares me and makes me so nervous. But it feels so right. And I know I make him happy too, but because of both my grandmas and my experiences, I’m terrified that one day I will be seen as someone he “settles” for. That would absolutely crush me probably similar to how I know I crushed Travis when I told him I just wasn’t happy anymore and couldn’t continue. And if it does happen, I hope it happens long before potential kids and I’m not caught in a similar situation as my grandmas. It does encourage me to continue my education and personal growth though so there’s that. Anything that makes me continue to shine to him rather than become outdated and dull, I’ll take it. And I hope he continues to grow and shine as well so that I don’t once again feel like I myself am settling and could do better.

So, cheers to not settling in the past. And cheers to hopefully not settling in the future. And fingers crossed I can always make him feel love for me by continuing to be myself and continue growing so he never sees being with me as “settling.”