#i went cause my friends mom has a friend who’s son is in the wonderlands

[solace-seekers]

can confirm, the next song lawrence releases is really good

[olivyh]

TWST FAMILY HCS PT2) Savanaclaw and Octavinelle

Feel free to tack on your own Hc’s too!!! I love reading what other people think and how their view of the characters and of Twisted Wonderland in general change from person to person!!!

Savanaclaw:

Leona:

-Farena: We already know Leona describes his brother as being carefree and relaxed, but deep under that I think he’s a deeply intelligent man (how can you run a kingdom and be stupid?). He tries his best to make time in his schedule for his wife and child, and even try to get bonding tike with his younger brother (which never works out well). He tries to teach Cheka as much as he can, often giving him little life lessons while they play games. He’s a very kind and straightforward man, often being blunt when he doesn’t mean to. He stands a little taller than Leona, with Orange hair similar to Chekas. He keeps his hair tied out of his face as much as he can.

-Sister-in-law Kingscholar: A strong and confident woman, not afraid to speak her mind when she wants to. She’s blunt and she’d let you know about it. She’s also very kind in her own way, often dragging Leona off and trying to have serious talks with him, which he appreciates but doesn’t show. She adores Cheka and often spoils him without meaning to, and will spoil Leona too (but indirectly in a way similar to Ace’s father’s). Also very intelligent and good at reading people. I think she stands a little shorter than Leona, but she holds herself higher, and he slouches, so it looks as if they’re the same height. She has long yellow hair (again, similar to the ends of Cheka’s) that she often ties back as well.

-Cheka: We already know him, so heres a few Hcs!: He sometimes asks his mother to do his hair the same way as Leona’s, and tries to do everything like him (such as standing like him, trying to deepen his voice to sound like him, throwing sand at various objects in the castle yelling “King’s Roar!!”)

Ruggie:

-Grandma Bucchi: As he said himself, a stern and prideful woman. I think she’d be on the stricter side, having to teach Ruggie how to survive rather than him having to face those hard truths alone. She likely stands a lot shorter, likely 5’0 (sorry to anyone whos that height), than most other beastwomen. She’s a lot physically stronger than she looks, often still trying to pick Ruggie up at his age. She tries to spoil him when she can, trying to make him relax after working and taking over the household chores (which he declines, still cleaning up when she’s not looking- which earns him a smack to the head with a broom). She’s also a prankster, quietly jumping out from corners and scaring Ruggie or one of the other children. I think she feels a lot of regret over seeing Ruggie grow up so fast in the environment that he had, but she’s the proudest grandma ever. Whenever he sends pictures back she boasts to everyone at home (“See that! That’s my grandson’s school! See that there! He plays magift and is one of the best on the team! Look there! He’s got those nice ceremony robes!”), and even boasts about him with what little baby pictures they have (“See him walking at such a young age? Isn’t he so strong?”) Will never stop talking about her grandson, ever.

-Neighborhood kids: I think they’re like little siblings to Ruggie, so I’m adding them. They try to tale over what Ruggie did when he was at home, helping people fix up their houses or entertaining the baby hyenas when their mothers have other things to do. They also leave gifts to Ruggie when he comes back, between little dolls they made, bracelets they thought he’d like, charms, or pretty rocks and leaves. He keeps all of the gifts, no matter how small.

-His mom (bc the poor woman deserves a spot)(Poor meaning unfortunate)(The more i think abt it, both. It means both. Bad time?): I think she looked a lot like him, but with brighter blue eyes than his. She was definitely a prankster at heart, leaving clever traps behind for any poor soul to get stuck in. She was a very hardworker much like her son, taking on any task she could find to help out her mother. I think she’d try to leave as much behind for Ruggie as she could, which would include little notes and scribbles about how she was feeling throughout her pregnancy and how excited she was for him. Ruggie also kept all of those safe and sound, in a small box he keeps in the corner of his room.

(Can you guess who my fav chara is?)

Jack:

-Grandma & Grandpa Howl: A very loving couple, who always make time out of their schedule for their grandchildren, whether it be for school events, emergencies, or if any one of them want to come by and talk. They met when Grandpa Howl got lost and wandered by Grandma Howl’s family’s cabin (which happens to be the one they, and the rest of the family, still live in to this day) and he spent the night. I think they fell in love at first sight :’)

-Mama Howl: A very soft and loving beastwoman who is willing to sacrifice anything for her children. She is often strict, and sometimes a chatterbox, but she always reminds her children to stay safe and that she loves them. She always pats their head or cheek when she walks by, even if she has to reach a little to plant a kiss on Jack’s forehead. I think her hair would be a little darker grey, and she’d definitely be a little more muscular and taller, reaching six ft one when standing straight up. She’d have the same yellow eyes as Jack, and her hair would be cropped shorter due to her still moving around a lot.

-Papa Howl: Very similar to Jack personality and appearance wise. He stands an inch or two shorter than Jack, but is still very muscular due to working around the house and in the woods (chopping wood for the campfire, dragging around tools, carrying three wolf pups at a time in his younger days (only one now wants to be carried, which hurts the poor man’s heart a bit)

-Baby brother Howl: Huffy and a little moody, but a hard worker even if he complains while doing it most of the time. That’s often with his parents, but when he does something with Jack he doesn’t complain a bit. He’s very attached to his older brother, looking up to him for his strength and strong morals. He often compares him to superheroes and star athletes in his mind, but sometimes it slips out, resulting in one very embarrassed wolf boy and another very flattered wolf boy, ignore their wagging tails, it means nothing. I think he stands pretty tall for a preteen, around 5’7-5’8 and growing taller by the day. Same hair and eye color as Jack. Acts like he doesn’t like to play games with his younger sister but will never turn down a game of tag.

-Baby sister Howl: An absolute sweetheart. She just wants the best for her family and will do whatever she can to make what they want happen. Jack is hungry? Good thing she made her special dessert (it’s a poptart with whipped cream messily piled on top with sprinkles and literal sugar cubed wedged in it, but don’t tell her you don’t like it, please she’d actually bawl). Her other older brother is tired? She can get him extra blankets! Mama needs help cleaning? She can mop (she really just throws water on the floor and praises herself for a job well done). Papa need to cut wood? She can- no, she can’t. Please don’t give her an axe. She’ll cheer him from the sidelines with a song she made up just for him instead! She has their mother’s grey hair and father’s dark brown eyes, and loves to do her hair like the princesses she sees on Tv! (Yes, Jack will wear a too-small dress and Tiara if his sister wants to play princess. No, he will not let anyone take pictures.)

Octavinelle:

Tweels:

-Mama Leech: At first glance, a very kind woman with soft eyes. Willing to open her arms to anyone who might need help. Then, a terrifying grin similar to Floyd’s as that poor unfortunate soul realizes the trap they’d been thrown in. She’s very kind and patient towards both her boys and husband, as well as their friends (even of she is on guard near their friends, throwing a few hollow threats to see if it’d scare them away)(She doesn’t like to share her babies). She dotes on the tweels as much as possible, indulging im whatever curiosity they may have. Floyd wants to know what going through riptide is like? They leave tomorrow to find one. Jade wants to know more about life on land? She’ll find as many books as possible and ask (threaten) people for their land belongings. She knows when too far is too far though, and is very skilled at reeling the boys back in if they get to that point. Will always call them her little guppies, no matter how big they get. I think she’d have a teal bob on top, with the underside of her hair being black (which makes her hair look color changing when she swims). Im her human form shes only a few inches shorter than her boys, ranging around the same as Jack’s mother.

-Papa Leech: The definition of old Hollywood New York mob boss. Strict and blunt about his interests and problems, and not afraid to cause any problems if provoked. When the tweels were younger and they’d wrestle and bite at him, he’d throw them off him easily, telling them they need to work to beat him, even if he was impressed by their teamwork at first. Will die to protect his family, and was likely put in that position many times in the past due to his uh… business. He values his wife and children more than anything, and has done everything in his power in the past to protect them from harm. When they went to NRC at first, he felt defeated and almost wanted to beg them to stay safe with him (not that his pride would allow it).(Both the tweels can see through his facade easily)

Azul:

-Grandma ‘grotto: A very stern and prim octomermaid. What she says goes in the Ashengrotto house, and she often catches herself making unnecessary comments. She does apologize. Also a very loving grandmother towards Azul, often babying him whenever possible (doing the classic “you’re not eating enough here take some more” grandma move)(She will smooch his face whenever possible when there are no business clients nearby). Tries to boost his confidence since she knew about what was happening to him (Chances are she went through the same thing- being an octomer as well) and dod her best to protect him and make him happy. She taught him how to write with his tentacles and encouraged him to do his best in everything he does.

-Mama ‘grotto: Another businesslady in the front absolute softie in the back situation. Adores her son and is incredibly proud of how far he’s come.I think she looks identical to Azul, but more heavyset and, of course, female. She coddled Azul as much as possible, which worked out well with baby Azul’s clingy nature. She had no shame in walking around with the little guy stuck to her (unless he smacked a tentacle to her face when she was working on her restaurant), and made sure everyone knew what a good boy he was. She would show pictures to everyone (similar to Ruggie’s grandma), but respects his wishes in wanting to hide pictures of his past. She still shows anyone who asks pictures of him at NRC (compliments to the twins, who send her updates when her son is busy), and will tell everyone how smart he is and how much he’s grown.

-Step-Papa grotto: A very professional man in every aspect of his life, which stretches to his relationship with his stepson. When he learns about the contracts and Azuls UM, he’s over the moon with how happy he is. He swam around with a little more pep than usual, flicking his tail and flaring out his fins the more and more Azul told him. He helps him reword and format his contracts to his advantage, and is always willing to talk with him about Mostro Lounge or (on rare occasion) some memories before Step papa Ashengrotto met Mama Ashengrotto (which always make him happy that Azul trusts him enough). I think he’d be a pretty generic looking Mer, with an average looking tail and such

[chibiwritesstuff]

Could you do a headcanon for how the dorm leaders and their S/O would react if their kid(s) from the future magically appeared on campus?

I might have gone overboard with this... but at the same time, I feel like I rushed this. I’m so occupied by work that I have to slowly work on this from midnight to six am before heading to bed then go to work around 10 am for two weeks now... I hope it turned out the way you like it. Yes, the ones with unique magic is inspired with FGO’s Noble Phantasms... I’m still stuck in that hellhole of a gacha game. I think you can tell who my faves are by the length I’ve written for them XD

Now, let’s enter this twisted wonderland~

“Queen’s Rose Maze!” All five of the Heartslabyul main guys heard. “Traverse in the twisting maze of the Queen of Roses!”

All of them rushed towards the location of the voice only to see a tiny Riddle with (h/c) hair instead.

“What did I do?!” Heartslabyul A-kun whimpered as he seemed to be stuck in a rose maze.

“As stated by the Queen of Hearts’ Rule #186: Never eat hamburg steak on Tuesdays. You just broke a rule and you must be punished.” The kid scolded. “To think this is what my esteemed father deals with everyday…”

“By father, I assume that would be me?”

Surprisingly, Riddle seems to take this information in stride. The kid will turn around and his suspicions were confirmed.

The kid will run and hug him asking if he’s doing a good job. He introduces himself and everything Riddle asked, (s/n) answered perfectly.

Well, until you showed up that is.

“Mother!” He’ll call out in joy as he bounced towards you.

And there goes Riddle’s composure.

Oh great seven, you two have children?! Is his first thought followed by, We will get married, have children, and be together forever!

While initial surprise caught you off guard, you slowly accepted the fact that you and Riddle are now interacting with your future child.

When he can finally go back to his time his final words made both of you blush.

“Farewell, mother and father!” He’ll wave happily as he disappears. “I have to watch over the twins you two just have after all!”

Wanna try betting who’s redder? (It’s Riddle)

Someone – more like two – that is not him or you is on his bed.

Who dares occupy my bed?!

The little girl stirred from her sleep and upon making eye contact with you two she’ll screech in joy.

“(s/n)! Wake up! Mom and Dad are here!”

Both of you flinched both from the high pitch voice and the statement she just made.

The young boy will wake up as well and greets you two in a much calmer way.

They’ll tell you that someone’s unique magic transported a bunch of kids to the past and now they’re here.

Slowly but surely, you both can tell that (d/n) is a daddy’s girl and (s/n) is a mommy’s boy.

You all decided to take a siesta together, with the children in between.

When you both stirred in your sleep, the kids are gone. There’s a note stuck on Leona’s chest saying that they have to return to their time and they enjoy the siesta as always.

“Can’t wait to have you two soon.” Leona will mutter as he pulled you to him before going back to sleep.

A girl is crying in the lounge and it's disturbing the customers causing a bunch of complaints, forcing the twins to abandon current tasks to find the girl.

As soon as the girl spotted the twins, she grabs on them. “Uncle Jade, where’s daddy?”

Oh, Jade and Floyd are gonna have a field day with this. They kept questioning the poor girl about everything about her time to the point of scaring her.

“Aw, what a cute girl.” You’ll end up cooing.

“Mommy!” Tears are forming in her eyes as she hugs your legs tightly. “Mommy, I’m scared.”

“(y/n), I wasn’t aware you have a child…” You hear Azul trail off at the news.

He’s crestfallen on the fact that you have a child already. He will start doubting himself, thinking, of course, your relationship wouldn’t last, he’s not good enough, that he didn’t realize the kid is running towards him.

“Daddy! Uncle Jade and Uncle Floyd are scaring me again!”

“D-Daddy?!” He’s so taken aback he fell on his bum.

Jade and Floyd are laughing at his reaction while you just stared back and forth towards the child and Azul.

Ironically this is the time one of Azul’s customers decided to eat and run. Just as he asked the twins to deal with it the kid waved her magical pen.

“Everlasting Summer Spree!” And the guy is now over buying almost everything in the lounge. “Splurge in the joys of summer and shop to the fullest!”

Azul is so proud and started babying her with the very money she earned from one customer alone.

When it's time for her to leave he’s crying… which made her cry as well.

Looks like I’m going to be stuck with crybabies… is the only thing you thought of as you smile.

“Papa!” Echoed in the middle of the party that Kalim assembled.

When a young boy tackled him, Jamil was ready to grab the said kid until he noticed their features, and boy did he paled up upon the sudden realization.

“Oya, do I remind you of your papa?” Kalim smiled and hugged the kid. “That’s flattering, kiddo!”

“Uh, Kalim you might want to take a real good look on that kid,” Jamil said as he readied to call you on his phone.

When you arrived at the Scarabia dorm, you see Kalim pampering a young boy that has your eyes and complexion. A table full of food, toys, and jewelry scattered around to make the kid happy.

“Mama!” The boy called out to you while your brain is trying to process everything.

“Isn't (s/n) so cute! He’s really smart too!” Your lover kept on praising the kid as he played with Jamil, who looks like he wants to disappear.

Your mom mode instincts kicked in and scolded the two for overdoing things.

They kept saying sorry as Jamil finally got out of the predicament.

When the kid can finally return to their original timeline, he’ll give one last hug to the entire Scarabia dorm’s students before leaving.

“I’m so excited!” Kalim will tell you with a blinding smile. “Arent you excited as well?”

Vil was looking for Rook when he saw the said man playing with a little blonde girl. The archer noticed his presence so he beckoned the girl to come with him.

“Roi de Poison looks like your beauty runs in the family.”

The little girl did a curtsy as she greeted him. “Greetings, father. I’m (d/n), your daughter from the future.”

He’s amused, seeing as the girl acts gracefully by greeting alone. After doing his usual 5-second head to toe judgment, he nods and beckons her to follow to Pomefiore for a spa day.

No surprise but as they walk the premises of the campus, lots of stares and gossip started spreading.

Before either Vil or Rook can do anything, she once again spoke. “Father, may I ask for permission to use my unique magic?”

This piqued his interest, “Very well, show me what you got.”

“Smile of the Princess~” With an elegant smile flashed to everyone, “Hark, for the fairest’s daughter has graced you her smile~”

You just happened to walk by when you saw the commotion. Color yourself surprised when you saw a girl with Vil’s beauty and grace but with your eyes and preference of hairstyle cast her magic.

You might not have magic but you are quite good at noticing the quirks of everyone’s unique magic. A smile crept on your lips as you realized what her magic really does and who she might be.

They all got enamored with her and waited for her command. “Do get lost and focus on your duties, you pitiful potatoes.”

“As you wish, princess.” Everybody affected by her magic responded and went on their merry way.

“Oh my, so your magic is similar to Monsieur Multi.” Rook happily commented after the display.

“That’s incorrect.” (y/n) responded, already figuring out the true nature of her magic. “Smile of the Princess merely makes her target pay their fullest attention to her. It's her charisma that made them follow her orders.”

“So you noticed as well,” Vil confirmed which you happily nodded.

“Greetings, mother.” She curtsied and introduced herself once more. “We’re currently heading to father’s dormitory to treat our skin. Would you like to join us?”

Ah, so your hunch was right…

“She is going whether she likes it or not,” Vil answered for you as he smirked at your flushed face. “We do need a family bonding after all, don’t we, my dear sweet potato?”

“Yeah… what he said.” You sweatdropped as you unwillingly got dragged to their spa day. “Are we seriously ignoring the fact that she just said we’re her parents?”

“Are you opposed to having children with me?” He raised an eyebrow before facing your kid. “How many siblings do you have?”

“My older brother remains in my timeline with his acting job, father.”

You all end up doing the said spa day and enjoyed getting to know your daughter. You can't help but sigh in relief when she told you that she choose following Vil’s lifestyle of her own will rather than being forced to.

When she has to leave, rather than curtsying, she went and hug both of you instead.

“I know father’s at work and barely spend time with you but please don’t leave him…” She looks away with a sad smile. “He doesn’t mean to make you lonely.”

Against Vil’s protests, you grabbed his hand and raised it with a huge smile. “I promise I won’t let him go until he tells me to.”

Cue to Vil blushing, Rook laughing, and (d/n) smiling as she waves goodbye.

“You better keep that promise, you stupid sweet potato…” Vil mutters under his breath with a small smile.

The one rare time he leaves his room is when he visits you or he’s out to get his pre-orders. Today’s reason is visiting you.

He hears giggling from his brother and what sounds to be another child. He’s so curious if Ortho made a new friend that he didn’t even process the fact that there’s another person in your dorm.

“Big brother! Your son is here!” Ortho happily announced as he pointed at the giggling boy on your lap.

“AAAHHHH!!!!” Idia.exe has crashed. Please restart your system to continue.

“Ahaha, dad is still so jumpy as always.” (s/n) stood up and walked towards him. “Hi, dad! I’m (s/n), your son from the future.”

He’s the main suspect from all these time-traveling shenanigans. Creating a time machine wanting to meet you two which led to all the children wanting to go as well.

He explains the mechanics of the time machine along with its timer-based setting to return them to their timeline with no fail.

Idia is now just so invested in how this creation works that he sat down on the couch with his holographic computer typing notes and giving his ideas to the kid.

You’re just happy that Idia is finally interacting with someone else even if it's his son.

Truth be told when he randomly showed up in your dorm, (s/n) geeked out so much on how he unlocked the secret episode on his life story. He immediately bombarding you with questions about your current relationship with Idia.

It was overwhelming… thank god for Ortho’s random visits that you managed to calm the kid down.

In the end you four played video games – constantly yelling hacks when someone else wins – and had a great time.

When the timer started beeping, he gave you three a hug. “I love you guys! Please don’t forget the parent-teacher meeting tomorrow, Dad.”

“I believe that something you should say to future us…” You sweatdropped as Idia held back a nervous laugh.

“I-I’ll try.”

Le gasp from all three of you.

When (s/n) disappeared, Ortho starts chattering on how he can’t wait to be an uncle. Leaving so he can make lots of detailed plans for the future hangouts he’ll have with your son.

“(y/n),” He caught your attention as his face and hair slowly turns to fiery red. “I may be the biggest introvert in the world but I promise I’ll do anything that I can to make you happy.”

“Huh, I guess this is how Hades wooed Persephone to marry him…” You smirked as he covered his face to muffle his screaming. “Should we start planning for our wedding now?”

You two were having a peaceful picnic by the school grounds when a young boy appeared on top of the tree. He lost his balance though and leave it to Malleus’ fast reflexes to catch the boy with no sweat.

“Thank you, father.” The boy with a striking resemblance of your lover spoke as he regained his footing. “This isn’t how I planned to meet you two…”

“Father?” You two both asked.

“Okay, I’m aware that you are god knows how old but I wasn’t aware you have a child?” You can't help but look back and forth between the two boys.

“Neither do I.” He calmly answers, confusion evident on his face. “I haven’t bed anyone in my whole life.”

“My apologies! I’m (s/n) Draconia, your fifth son from the future.”

Cue to you doing a spit-take. “Fifth?!”

Malleus is just beaming in joy from this news, he does love a big family. Oh, he can't wait for the future to come, get married to you and have children… five children!

“There’s eight of us, actually…” He whispered but you both heard it anyways.

Spit-take part two with a bonus of your face being redder than any tomato in existence and Malleus just vibrating in happiness. “EIGHT?!”

He goes on and telling their names and current accomplishments, all to how the youngest sister is about to be born in a few months.

“So, I guess that actually makes it nine.” (s/n) corrects himself one last time.

You passed out while mumbling “Nine… nine kids…”

As much as Malleus wants to keep talking, he chose to care for you first, chuckling at how you passed out from said information.

He brings you and his kid to his room to make sure you have a better mattress to lay on. The two Draconia’s will keep talking about how the future of the family works.

Oh, imagine the horror on his face when tend to always be at doors death every delivery time. Now he knows that it's quite common for humans to die when giving birth.  He second-guesses the idea of having so many children if your life is at stake.

(s/n) have to remind him that they all live, so everything's fine.

After that reassurance, you stirred awake and saw the kid once more. He now wants to snuggle with you on the bed, which Malleus followed suit.

“Mother, please sing me that lullaby again.” He yawns as the older fae encases you two in a hug. “We all love your song…”

You can’t help but smile seeing how adorable your son is being that you hummed the first lullaby your mother has sung to you in your younger days.

You two noticed he’s fading, assuming that he is going back to his timeline once again.

You both placed a kiss on his forehead, saying “We love you, (s/n).”

Malleus chuckles and pulls you close as he peppers your head with kisses. He’s so excited for the future that he’ll share with you and you can't help but feel the same way.

“So… who’s going back to clean up the mess we left at the school grounds?”

[seasonsofeverlark]

Operation Push Katniss Over the Cliff of Love

Author: @mega-aulover​

Prompt: The crunch of frost when the mornings first start to become crisp ❄️❄️❄️  [submitted by anonymous]

Rating: T

A/N: There are no games. The districts won the war and the seat of power rested wherever the District Tribute won the candidacy for President.  The current president is from District Eight. Katniss takes Peeta out to see nature on a dare or is it a dare? - special thanks to my beta and best friend @norbertsmom who is more than just a beta, she’s amazing.

KPKPKPKP

The light from the Everdeen front porch spilled outside, lighting the three figures that huddled together near some trees. It was safe enough for them to gather outside and talk about their important subject: getting Katniss Everdeen married. Each one had their own reason for being present. One other member, Delly Cartwright, had sent word she would be late. She was roped into planning a fall festival with Effie Trinket, the district liaison. 

Delly wanted Peeta and Katniss to get together. She was the one who inadvertently brought the group together. Gale wanted to prove that Katniss was human, Rigel Everdeen, Katniss’ father, wanted Katniss to be happy, and Prim, her sister, had her own selfish reasons. She’d recently turned sixteen and she wanted her own room. Katniss was always in her business. Prim loved her sister and wanted her to be happy, so when Delly mentioned Peeta had the hots for Katniss, and that they should do something about it, it didn’t take Prim long to realize there was a way to satisfy everyone’s needs.  

“It’s cold outside,” Prim whispered.

The chilly air indicated winter was finally on its way. They had had an unusually warm fall. It kept the trees from uniformly turning right away. Some trees in the district were now displaying the bright beautiful colors, while some of the trees toward the edge of the district were bare. It was as if nature was warring with itself.

“You sound like your sister,” Gale snickered. 

Prim’s pale blue eyes gleamed in the darkness.  “Mama always said never trifle with an Everdeen.” 

“Careful Gale, Prim is sweet and lightness until provoked,” Rigel said, winking at his youngest. He leaned on his cane.  “Now how are we, as Prim said, pushing Katniss off the cliff.”

All three of them had been trying to figure out how to get Katniss and her secret crush, Peeta Mellark together. Peeta worked everyday at the bakery from sunup to sundown since his sixteenth birthday. His father was slowing down. He had had a massive heart attack last year, and Peeta took on more responsibilities at the bakery. 

Katniss not only traded the game she caught, but she also made it into jerky and sold it down at the Hob. Both she and Peeta were very busy people. 

“If Prim hadn’t clued me toward the Merchants I wouldn’t have figured it out,” Gale said stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“I knew she liked someone in the Merchant quarter,” Prim rubbed her arms. “Whenever you guys go to Merchant quarter to sell, she always stops here to wash her hands and change. Katniss isn’t one for dressing up unless she has too.”

“I can’t believe I never picked up on that,” Gale rubbed the back of his neck.

“That’s because you, too, were getting gussied up for all of the ladies,” Prim said. “You take longer than Katniss to get ready. Also, let’s talk about your abuse of the orange extract in your aftershave.”

Gale turned bright red.

“That’s enough Prim,” Rigel admonished. “We’re getting off topic. How are we getting them together?”

A loud ruckus could be heard as Delly speedily walked toward the group. “Sorry I’m late!”

“Shhh…Katniss is a light sleeper. She’ll hear you and want to come downstairs and find out why you are here,” Prim admonished.

“Sorry,” Delly whispered, but in reality Delly didn’t know how to whisper. Her version of whispering was using her inside voice. 

“Okay where were we, how to get those two together?”

Delly shot her hand up in the air. Her blue eyes sparkled and she hopped with barely contained excitement. 

“What?” Prim rolled her eyes. She couldn’t understand why Gale was so smitten with Delly. She was like that annoying little lap dog Effie had. Delly was sweet, but sometimes her exuberance could be annoying. Though Delly was loyal and kind. And if anyone said anything about her, Prim would be the first to defend Delly. 

“Well you know how Katniss hates the cold,” Delly said smiling. 

“Yeah,” Rigel said.

“And you know last week Gale and Katniss were bickering about Katniss being late.”

“She claims she wasn’t late,” Gale said, taking his gloves out of his jacket pocket and putting them on Delly’s hands. 

Delly smiled at Gale.

“I remember. She was spitting mad and she’s made it a point of going to bed early,” Rigel said.

“Well,” Delly said, looking at all three of them as if they understood where she was coming from. “You can use Katniss getting up late to get them together.” 

Prim’s mind worked quickly. “Delly’s right, we can use this to our advantage. Delly, you said Peeta uses nature as one of his inspirations right?”

“Yeah,” Delly responded.

“Well, what if we make Katniss take Peeta into the woods.”

“She can take him by the lake. When it’s cold enough, the water condensation freezes and it latches onto the trees and leaves.” Rigel grinned. “I took your mom up there once when we were courting. She called it a winter wonderland.”

“Peeta would love that.” Delly sighed. “A romantic trip into the woods with the girl he’s had a crush on forever.”

“I can goad her in front of Peeta,” Gale said. “Make her angry enough to fall for a bet. She takes Mellark out to the forest if I win, and I have to do something dumb if I lose.”

“Yeah, you know how to push all of her buttons at once,” Prim snickered. She turned her focus onto Delly. “When is the best day for Katniss to take Peeta?”

“Sunday. Sometimes he closes down early or doesn’t open at all.” 

“Okay, Gale do you think you can switch out one of your days off on Thursday?”

Gale gave Delly a look. 

“Gale!” Delly exclaimed, and the others shushed her. “Sorry,” she whispered, then continued, “You can switch, it’s not like we’re going to do anything romantic other than hanging out with your mom. You can switch your Monday for a Thursday.” 

Haymitch Abernathy from District 12 had won the Presidency after the explosion that Gale’s father caused. One of the things Haymitch did when he was President was make the working conditions in the mines better. He also ensured all miners got two days off, as well as yearly pay increases and a paid time off. They also had paid holidays off and they also promoted within. Gale was poised to move up in the mining company. He was pretty smart and had a lot of ideas. 

“Fine,” Gale muttered.

“Thanks Gale, I am proud of you, son,” Rigel said, patting Gale on the shoulder.

Gale looked up to Mr. Everdeen. They had developed a bond, especially since Gale helped his mom raise his three younger siblings. 

“Gale, you can use that you don’t get up early argument,” Prim said.

“Katniss will fall for that. When she gets angry she forgets about being shy,” Rigel chuckled. 

“Right, but how are we going to make sure Katniss is late?” Gale asked, frowning.

“Easy,” Prim grinned like her cat Buttercup when he’d trapped his prey. “I put sleep syrup in her favorite drink.”

“I will distract her enough to make sure she’s really late,” Rigel said. 

“Great, then next Thursday operation push Katniss over the cliff of love, begins.”

Thursday Morning Katniss was surprised when Gale showed up to hunt with her. He said he switched days with his buddy George, who needed the day off. His eldest was Toasting. 

They were approaching one of their last trading stops. Katniss nervously tugged on her shirt sleeve.

“You like him,” Gale said out of nowhere.

Katniss nearly tripped on the stairs she was climbing up. “Woah…”

Gale easily reached out and caught her.

Katniss straightened up and firmly gripped her game bag. “What are you talking about?”

“You like him,” he pointed to the bakery back door right before he knocked.

Katniss was left speechless, her mouth hung open. Her face felt hot from all of the blood rushing to it. She wanted to refute it, but she didn’t have a chance. The ‘him’ Gale spoke of opened the door. Gah, Katniss thought as her heart thumped against her chest at the sight of his flour covered forearms, and sparkling blue eyes that rivaled the color of the lake in the woods.

There were no words to describe why Katniss found Peeta Mellark so appealing. 

He was freakishly strong, with gorgeous blue eyes, broad shoulders, large hands. She shivered when she thought of those hands. Supple hands that were strong enough to rip apart timber and yet delicate enough to create the most intricate of frosting flowers for the cakes he decorated. Katniss recalled the day she caught him ripping wood in half by hand to take out his frustrations at something his mother did. She had stood by the fence staring at him, her mouth ajar and drooling.

“Hi, Gale and Katniss, here to trade?”

Even his voice did funny things to her. His voice was not soft or hard, it was smooth and she died a little when he said her name. Her palms became sweaty and her ability to think rationally went out of her head. Katniss couldn’t even formulate a ‘hello.’ 

Next to her, Gale cleared his throat. Glancing up at him, she saw his shoulders shake, and his lips formed a mocking grin. She realized what Gale said was a trick to get her to show her true emotions. 

Katniss wanted to punch him in the arm. 

“Yeah, Katniss caught some fat squirrels for you,” Gale’s voice taunted. 

Katniss wished the ground would open up and swallow her. How in the hell did Gale know that she had a thing for the baker’s youngest son?

“Oh, great. You guys want to come inside? It’s getting chilly out.”

“Sure,” Gale said.

No sooner did Peeta turn his back than Katniss punched Gale in the arm, hard.

“Ow!” he grunted.

Katniss scowled at him.

“You didn’t have to hurt me,” Gale said with a grin while rubbing his arm. 

“You deserved it, you big oaf!” 

Ever since Katniss turned down Gale’s invitation to run away into the woods a few years back, he’d been trying to get her to admit that there was someone else she liked. Gale had been methodically trying to eliminate the possibilities. He tried several guys from the Seam, then he turned to their own group, the Covey. 

The Covey lived on the outskirts of the district. When the war began the Covey, a group of traveling minstrels, settled in District Twelve. Katniss and Gale’s families were descendants. One of their own became the tenth President. During her brief stint as President she fell in love with a man from the Capitol and ran off. It caused a huge uproar, thankfully her vice president, Undersee stepped in and took the spot. 

The Covey had a tradition of singing and dancing. They mostly lived on their own. Katniss had family that were touring throughout the other districts singing. Katniss had been invited because of her voice, but she turned it down. Firstly, her family needed her, and secondly, she didn’t want to leave because of him. She couldn’t leave Peeta behind. There was a bond between them, an electrical force that drew her to him. 

It began with the bread.

When her father got hurt in the mine explosion, Peeta came over with a basket of bread for her family. The mining company’s compensation toward the injured miners ran out quick. The only source of income was from her mother’s healing business. But with her father’s medical bills, they were drowning and necessities became expensive. They were living off of meager rationings when Peeta brought them a basket of bread and canned goods. 

Peeta must have done it behind his mother’s back because she hit him so hard he missed two days of school. It was this act that caused Mr. Mellark to petition to divorce his wife. Peeta had risked it all to help her family. Katniss could never forget what he did, nor could she repay him for the kindness he bestowed upon her family. 

Through the years she looked for ways to repay him, but one day it dawned on her, she was keeping track of him for more than just the repayment of the food. The more she saw him interact with other people, the more she liked him. She nearly swooned when she saw him in those darned wrestling tights. 

Katniss thought her secret was safe. Until her sister, the little traitor blabbed one New Year’s Eve that Katniss wasn’t into the Seam look. Gale was surprised, but then began trying to look at all of the men in the Merchant side, including the Peacekeepers. He often said Katniss had a hankering; someone she would give her eye-teeth for, like a miner lusting for a cool breeze in the mines.  

Katniss wasn’t sure what he meant by eye-teeth, but using his analogy made her think it meant hungry for Peeta, which in a way she was. 

“Look, just admit you like him,” Gale whispered, elbowing her.

“Grr,” Katniss growled with all of the fake venom she could muster. 

“Why don’t you get all of those juicy squirrels you hunted for him.”

“Gale,” Katniss whispered. “Stop.”

She wanted to pummel him with her fist but he walked into the bakery. 

“GALE,” she squeaked. “Come back here!”

Katniss wondered why the hell they were friends. He was annoying, angry, petty, and infuriating. His one redeeming quality was that he was a good hunting partner, and those were hard to come by. Before partnering with Gale, she had tried to hunt with another hunter named Jed, but it was disastrous. A lynx attacked her and Jed did nothing. He didn’t warn her nor did he try to stop the lynx from attacking her. Katniss was lucky she was such a good shot. She got it in the eye as it leapt in the air. 

Gale saw her shoot the lynx and approached her about joining up with him. Leery, she wasn’t sure she should. His dad was the reason the mine collapsed. He drunkenly set some TNT on fire, blew himself up and caused many miners to be injured, including her dad.

Her dad told her that Gale’s family was hurting. Katniss didn’t want to give in, but then she saw one of his intricate traps and slowly they became friends. Now she wished she’d never accepted his request for friendship.

“Aren’t you coming? Your bread boy is waiting.” Gale winked at her.

Katniss stomped inside, furious at being found out. Gale was going to pay, she hadn’t decided how, but she was going to make him pay for his betrayal. 

“So I know how much you like our nut and raisin bread,” Peeta said good naturedly. 

“Yeah, she just loves your bread,” Gale said.

“Do you?” Peeta settled his eyes on her and Katniss didn’t know where to look. By the heat that was radiating off of her cheeks, she was sure she was redder than a ripened tomato. 

“Yeah, she loves your buns,” Gale kept on talking and Katniss wondered if a court would convict her for killing him. “Your cheesy ones.” 

“You mean my cheese buns?” Peeta’s eyes brightened. “I didn’t know. I’ll add some into the pack.”

“Delly told me you decorate all of the cakes.” Gale changed the subject and Katniss was grateful.

“I do.” Peeta was busily packing things. Katniss took the opportunity to take out the squirrels she shot for him, and then she added a rabbit. 

His brothers moved away to other districts, leaving Peeta as the sole owner of the bakery. Since his parents were divorced, Peeta lived in the bakery with his dad. His father favored rabbit meat. 

“Some of those cakes are complicated,” Gale said.

“Yeah, a cake can take me up to a week to decorate.”

“When are you and Delly going to toast?”

Gale hesitated, turning pale while looking at a dozen leaves in different shades of red, green, gold, and orange before changing the subject. “Do you get the inspiration for the cakes from nature?”

Katniss noticed Gale never answered the question. This was a bone of contention between Peeta’s best friend and her hunting partner. Gale wanted to marry, Delly wasn’t ready. She wanted to date a little bit more before settling down. 

Gale and Delly were such an odd pair. She was this round faced plush girl. She wasn’t beautiful like Madge, who Katniss thought he would have gone for. Before Delly, Madge and Gale used to flirt. It was a little gross to witness. It’s so funny how life worked. When Gale and Delly were introduced Gale couldn’t stand Delly’s bubbly nature. He said she grated on him like a tone deaf canary. Though slowly her generosity won Gale over. Gale told Katniss Delly crept up on him.

“Yeah. I always walk around with my sketchpad and pencil. Though, as you can tell, ever since my brothers left I don’t have time to walk around and observe as much as I used to.”

“Man, you should go to the woods,” Gale said. “The woods get frosty. It’s unlike anything you’ll ever see.”

“Frosty?” Peeta said with wonder.

“Yeah, the frost in the woods is amazing, like a winter wonderland. Katniss here doesn’t appreciate it.” Gale shook his head. “It’s a struggle to get her up on cool mornings.”

“Gale, the animals are still sleeping when you want to go out there,” Katniss grumbled.

“You know that’s not true. The early bird gets the worm. Nature’s teeming with life. They get busy living while you’re all wrapped up warm in your blanket.” 

“You know I get up plenty early to hunt and make ends meet for my family.” Katniss forgot for a moment she was in the bakery. She was still upset with Gale over his trick. 

“Sure you do,” Gale said. 

“I’m there before you are,” Katniss growled. Gale was a foot or more taller than her, but Katniss stood up to him.

“You want to make a bet?” 

Katniss poked Gale’s chest, “I can handle anything you can dish.” 

“Fine,” Gale said. 

“If tomorrow I don’t get up on time,” Katniss wasn’t going to let Gale get the best of her. “I’ll…”

“Take Mellark out into the woods.”

“What!” Katniss sputtered, disbelieving what Gale was proposing in front of Peeta.

“What, you didn’t hear me?” Gale smirked.

“You guys don’t have to-” Peeta said. 

“Mellark, wouldn’t you like to go out there in the woods, and see nature in its purest form?”

“Well,” Peeta said, sneaking a furtive glance at her.

“See, he doesn’t want to,” Katniss harrumphed. The prospect of having to take Peeta into the woods and talk to him was frightening as hell. Anyone who knew her knew she was awkward with people. District Twelve’s old President, Haymitch Abernathy, claimed she had the personality of a dead slug. 

“I didn’t say no,” Peeta said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“He didn’t say no, so what’s it going to be, Everdeen. If you wake up early and are in the woods before me, I lose.”

“And you have to tell everyone we trade with I’m the better shot,” Katniss said, narrowing her eyes. She knew Gale hated to admit it. He liked to boast how handy he was with a bow.  

She saw the nerve in his jaw tick right before he answered, “Fine! But if I’m right and you get to the woods late, you have to take Mellark here to the woods to observe the frost.”

Confident she wasn’t going to lose the bet, she came home from trading with Gale, convinced she was going to be fine. Yet out of an abundance of caution, she went to bed early after sharing a cup of tea with Prim. Katniss made sure she was dressed so all she had to do was slip on her boots and get out the door. But when she woke up the following morning, the sun was already in the sky. 

“Crap,” Katniss said. She jumped out of her bed, grabbed her boots, quickly combed her hair with her fingers and put her cap over her head.

“Good morning, Katniss,” her father said from the table.

“Hi dad.” Katniss sat down briefly to put on her boots.

“You’re late today,” her father said as he wrote something in his plant book.

“Ugh, I don’t know how. I know I went to bed early.”

Her father coughed. “Maybe you were tired.”

“Ugh,” Katniss groaned. She didn’t catch her father’s smile. 

“Don’t you want some toast, Katniss?” Her father asked. 

“Sure,” Katniss said, taking a slice of bread from his plate. “Thanks daddy. I’ll see you in a little while.” 

“Sure, Kitten,” her father laughed, shaking his head.

Katniss left and headed to the woods, not noticing her sister Primrose hiding in the corner laughing. Katniss was more concerned about beating Gale. She climbed over the gate to the fence. It had a sticky latch and she didn’t want to waste time fidgeting with it to open the gate. She ran to their spot in the woods, pausing only once to grab her hunting gear. She saw Gale sitting on the rock with a piece of grass in his mouth.

“Darn it!”

“You’re late, Everdeen,” Gale said in a singsong voice.

Katniss wished very much she hadn’t let her anger get the best of her yesterday. Now she had a date with the boy she’d fancied since the tender age of eleven.

KPKPKPKPKP

Sunday morning Peeta nervously slipped on his jacket. His hands shook. He was nervous about meeting Katniss this morning. He thought her to be the most beautiful girl in the district. Katniss was also the most courageous and strongest person in the district. When her father was injured, Katniss went out into the wilderness to hunt. There were a lot of qualities that he admired in her. It made him fall deeper for her. 

This opportunity to actually have the time to speak to her was unforeseen. Peeta wanted to make an impression on her. He wasn’t sure what was out there in the woods and he didn’t want to act like a fool in front of her. Peeta didn’t consider himself a tough guy like Gale; he was more of a pacifist. He could fight if he had to, but he preferred to talk things out before resorting to hurting people. His mother had often called him soft.

There was a point in time he was bullied for being pudgy as a boy. Peeta learned how to talk his way out of situations, and in doing so he learned that a physical altercation wasn’t always the right course of action. He was worried he wasn’t good enough for someone as dynamic as Katniss Everdeen. 

“Stop quakin’, chicken legs,” Delly said.

“Dell’s this is Katniss. What if I act like a total doofus and say something wrong and make her not like me>” Peeta said in one breath.

“Nonsense,” Delly said, packing up a thermos. “Believe me, you can’t screw this up.”

“It’s Katniss,” Peeta insisted.

“I know, I know. it’s the girl you’ve had a crush on since the Valley song way back in grade school.” Delly grinned, “Believe me Peet, Katniss has noticed you.”

“I don’t know,” Peeta doubted it. “She’s never talked to me.”

“What if she’s shy?” Delly asked.

Peeta blinked.

“Do you know how hard it is to walk up to a guy you like and say ‘I think you’re cute, do you want to go on a date’?”

“Well…”

“When was the last time you saw a girl do that?”

“Never.”

“Exactly.” Delly said triumphantly. “Now let’s look at the evidence. She went to all of your wrestling events.”

“Yeah, but those were mandatory.”

“You and I both know your brother’s matches were mandatory, and she skipped all of them. She also went with the Mayor’s daughter to see you practice. I’ve caught her hanging around the train station on delivery days.”

“She could be trading,” Peeta said.

“Nonsense,” Delly said. “You and I both know she shows up magically every time you have to unload the stuff from the train station. The girl doesn’t ogle every guy in the district.”

“Speaking of ogling.” Peeta turned to Delly. “What’s going on with you and Gale? I asked him when you and he were going to have a toasting. He looked wounded. He actually turned pale.”

Delly made a face. “He wants to get married.”

“So, isn’t that what you want?” Peeta was confused.

“It is, it’s just…” She sighed. “Gale is such a womanizer. I am the only girl who has refused to sleep with him. I want to make sure he loves me and is willing to settle into a committed relationship. It took me forever to make him understand that intimacy meant more than just sex.” 

Peeta understood. 

“Okay, so I packed a few blankets and the food you made. You are all set,” Delly said.

“Thanks Delly.” 

“Go out there have a great time, and just be yourself.”

Delly watched him leave. She quickly ran over to the Hob where Gale was waiting. 

“He just left,” Delly said, giddy. 

“Great, then it’s all up to Prim and Rigel now.” Gale nodded.

KPKPKPKPKP

In her home Katniss slipped on her warmest jacket. She wasn’t sure if she looked alright. This meeting was more than just a scenic walk through the woods. She frowned and then it melted into a scowl. No thanks to Gale’s big mouth, she had to take Peeta into the woods. 

What could she, Katniss Everdeen, talk to the most popular boy in school about? When they were in high school Peeta was always surrounded by his friends. 

“It’s kind of late for you to be going out into the woods with Gale,” her baby sister said from the bed.

Katniss had hoped to avoid speaking to her sister. She knew Prim would have all sorts of questions Katniss wasn’t sure she had answers for. “I’m…”

Prim sat up, her blonde hair cascaded down her shoulders. “You’re not wearing your normal smelly hunting shirt and pants to go out into the woods.”

“Prim, go back to bed,” Katniss said, turning around. She hoped that her sister would listen. At sixteen her sister was strong willed.

“What’s going on here?” Prim walked over to her, her eyebrow shot up. 

“Ah,” Katniss said nervously.

Prim sniffed the air and gasped, ‘You’re wearing perfume!”

Katniss felt her cheeks burn. There was nowhere to hide.

Prim cornered her. “Katniss Everdeen, you tell me what’s going on this instant!”

Katniss sighed, “I’m meeting someone in the woods, okay.”

“You are?” Prim clapped her hands.

“Shhh,” Katniss said, grabbing her sisters hands. “You’ll wake mom and dad up.” 

“Okay, okay,” Prim whispered. Then her face looked horrified. “Katniss you can’t go out into the woods looking like the bride of a sasquatch!” Prim turned to their dresser. “Let me see, what do you wear for a clandestine meeting in the woods. How does one look pretty in the woods?” She muttered to herself. Then began the questions, “What are they like? Are they tall, handsome? Where do they work? Are they young or is it someone older?” Her sister waggled her eyebrows.

Katniss groaned this was one of the things she was trying to avoid. “Prim. He won’t care what I look like. Look I’m showing him the wooda so that he can use it for the bakery.”

“Eeewww,” Prim exclaimed. “You’re going out on a date with Mr. Mellark?”

“What?” Katniss grabbed her sister before she flew off the handle. “No, that’s just ew, no. It’s Peeta. I’m going to show Peeta the forest. I’m ah…going to show him what the frost looks like.” Katniss let her sister go. She looked down. “He’s not, well, he’s a nice person and…”

“And?” 

“And…he’s cute.”

“Cute?” Prim’s eyes danced. Her grin was wider than the lake in the woods.

“Okay, okay,” Katniss said, lifting her hands in the air. She might as well let Prim make her look pretty. Her sister did have a way with clothing. “What do you think I should wear?” 

“Ohhh, this is going to be great. First off those pants are way too baggy. Lets get you into dark jeans, oh and one of mom’s grey sweaters…” 

Katniss allowed her sister to dress her up. When she finished she was wearing one of their father’s old orange checkered shirts underneath their mother’s knit grey sweaters, dark jeans, and her boots. Prim gave Katniss her navy coat instead of her own. Prim was taller than Katniss and it hung loosely around her frame. She had to admit she looked nicer than before.

They both snuck to the door. Once outside Katniss looked to the path that led to the meadow.

“Okay remember, just let the conversation flow. Don’t try to force small talk. You’re not great at that. One more thing, he’s probably more nervous of you than you are of him.”

“Why would you say that?” 

“Katniss, you do know you’re known as the huntress around here right?”

Prim words caused Katniss to take a moment and think about what she was saying. “What does that mean?”

“Besides the fact that you have the ability to shoot someone through the eyes?” Prim joked.

Katniss blanched at the idea of killing someone. 

“It means you’re a legend in our district. Dad’s super proud of you. When he got hurt and couldn’t work, you stepped up and helped out our family. Believe me, he knows you’re not someone who can be easily swayed or impressed with dumb pick up lines. Peeta knows he’s got to work hard to get into your good graces. He probably has a crush on you but is too shy to tell you. Not to mention, you’re always with Gale and he’s pretty intimidating.” 

Katniss hadn’t thought of that. “You think he likes me?”

“Oh Katniss, I know he does.” Prim smiled warmly. “You’re great.”

“Thanks Prim,” Katniss breathed. 

“Now get out there and show him the forest.” 

Katniss smiled and walked away.

“So did you plant the seed?” Rigel said quietly when Prim re-entered the house.

“Yup,” Prim sat down. “She’s going to meet him with the knowledge that he likes her. That should help Katniss warm up to him.”

Katniss reached the meadow in good time. She waited for Peeta to meet her by the gate. It was a cold morning outside. Her breath came out in puffy little clouds. Katniss gazed up at the heavens, the clouds were gathering, a storm was brewing. 

Prim’s words circulated in her head. What if he did have a crush on her, but didn’t know how to articulate it? She could imagine how it looked to Peeta with Gale hanging around her all of the time. 

She heard his heavy steps approaching before she saw him. The crunch of his boots set several sparrows into the air. 

“Hi,” Peeta said. 

She waved shyly. 

He wore a dark orange knit hat. His wavy blond hair peeked out from the sides and he looked adorable. He also had a knapsack with him.

“There’s frost on the ground,” Peeta said, coming up to her.

“A sure sign winter’s on its way.” Katniss looked at the meadow. There was frost on the ground. It was pretty, but it was nothing compared to what lay in the woods. It was colder today than in the past days.

“Ready?” 

“Sure,” Peeta said.

Opening up the gate they made their way inside. They stopped only once to get her bow and arrows from their hiding place. 

As they walked deeper into the woods, she couldn’t help but smile. The woods was her home, she felt alive here. In the woods, Katniss did not have to worry about society’s demands. Often people found it strange that at the age of 20 she hadn’t married or had a boyfriend.

Her close-knit family and friends accepted her decision to stay alone. Those outside her circle often talked behind her back. Everyone was expected to have a companion. Everyone would be shocked to know Katniss did have someone in mind and he only walked a few feet away from her. 

She snuck a quick look at him and her heart fluttered and her stomach flipped. There could very well be someone that Peeta Mellark was seeing and kept quiet about it. Yet even as she thought this, her sister’s words played in her head. People also gossiped about him. Katniss couldn’t understand why he wasn’t taken. Peeta was compassionate, smart, funny, and selfless. He was perfect, but none of the women in 12 wanted him, and that was okay by Katniss. Peeta never had a girlfriend and by the looks of it, he wasn’t going to get married anytime soon. Maybe he did like her in secret. She wished there was a way for her to know for sure.

“It is very cold out here. I can understand why you want to stay in bed a little bit longer.”

Katniss shrugged. she didn’t intend to talk to him, but then it dawned on her this was the perfect situation for her to get some answers about questions she had. “Gale is so over dramatic. I’m usually awake before he is and waiting for him. What about you, how early do you get up?”

“Well to be honest, I’m downstairs in the bakery before four in the morning. Ever since my dad had his heart attack, I’ve had to do the morning prep work.”

Katniss whistled. “Why don’t you take on someone, an apprentice?”

“Because it’s expensive. We were finally making a profit when my dad had his health scare. His medical bills cleaned us out.”

Katniss understood where he was coming from. “When my dad got injured we had the same thing. Thankfully my mom was his caretaker. I can’t imagine what you must have gone through.”

“I had to hire a nurse to help my dad recuperate. Thank goodness your mom helped out, with all of those free resources and the menu for a lower salt diet.” 

“I’m glad my mom could help.”

“She did it for next to nothing, for that I’m eternally grateful.” Peeta stopped walking, he took a look around the forest.

“I’m glad to hear your dad is feeling better.” Katniss stopped moving. “It must get really hot in the bakery. How do you deal with the heat in the summertime?”

“I sleep with the windows open.”

“Oh,” she said. Katniss didn’t imagine it would be such a simple solution.

Peeta stopped walking. “Wow! Look at all of these colors.”

Katniss saw a tree with red, gold, and yellow leaves. It was warmer closer to town, and the woods that surrounded the perimeter still had some of their leaves. The heat from the mines and the factories warmed the area. The further they got away from the district the colder it got. 

“I can see why you love it out here.” 

They were having an unusually warm autumn. 

“What’s your favorite color?” Peeta asked her.

“Green. Why, what’s yours?”

 "Orange, not like an in-your-face-orange, but muted, like that leaf over there, or your orange checkered shirt.“

Katniss couldn’t help but smile. It occurred to her that talking with him was easy. She thought whoever Peeta dated was a lucky girl. Her curiosity about whether or not he was with someone grew. They walked some more. He asked various questions about how she knew the direction they were heading, and other things that to her came naturally, but that someone who had never been to the woods would be curious about.

“So,” Katniss was working up the courage to ask if he had a girlfriend. 

“Yes?” Peeta asked. 

“Ah…” Katniss closed her eyes momentarily before blurting out, “Do you have a girlfriend?”

She watched him turn red before answering, “I don’t.”

“Really?” The word slipped from her mouth before she could stop herself. 

“You sound shocked.”

“It’s just that,” Katniss stopped to face him. “In high school you were so popular, I was sure there was a girl that you fancied.”

He rubbed the back of his neck, then shyly said, “There is this one girl I like.” He looked her in the eyes. “She’s amazing and I draw her constantly. But I’ve never had the courage to tell her anything. There was a time I thought she liked someone else, but it turned out they weren’t a thing. I guess I chickened out after that.” He shyly said, “I don’t think I’m good enough for her.” 

Katniss felt like she was suddenly a fire that was doused with torrential rain. Of course there was a girl he liked, an amazing girl he held a torch for. “Oh. Okay.” 

“What about you, is there anyone you like?”

Katniss couldn’t smile, she couldn’t even formulate words. Mutely, she nodded.

“Are you thirsty? I packed some hot chocolate for us.”

She looked toward the path. “We really should get going.” Moving was the only thing she could do. Katniss kicked herself the entire route. Of course there was someone special. Why did she have to listen to her sister? Prim was sixteen. Prim knew nothing about affairs of the heart. Katniss wanted to cry for the loss of hope. She held it together the rest of the trek. 

When they came to the lake Katniss stopped walking and Peeta gasped.

Everything was coated in little ice particles. The cold breeze here was noticeable. The condensation from the lake had frozen and latched on to the areas surrounding the lake making it look like freshly fallen snow. Ice crystals hung from the branches, crawled up the tree bark, coated the tall grass. A mist floated up from the center of the lake making it look mystical. 

“It’s beautiful, amazing.”

Katniss smiled watching Peeta get up close to a tall blade of grass. “It’s like they’ve been brushed with ice. It has little ice particles.”

“My dad calls it silver thaw.”

Peeta examined the fallen leaves on the forest floor. His face was flushed and his eyes glowed with excitement. “I never get to see this. I mean, I am sure this happens on the inside of the fence, but I’m inside the bakery most of the time.“

“My dad says no two snowflakes are alike.” 

“Wow,” he said. Peeta whipped out his sketchpad and pencil, and quickly drew what he saw. Loose papers were sticking out between the pages of his sketchpad.

Katniss was amazed by how quickly and accurately he could draw. He was unrivaled; there was no one in the district like him, and she quietly mourned for the loss of what could be. His curiosity and childlike glee at the majestic picture nature presented him would be one of her favorite memories. 

“Do you think we’ll get snow soon?”

“Possible,” Katniss shrugged looking up at the sky. “It’s getting colder out. When it gets really cold out here the lake makes snow. It gets pretty dangerous out here. The snow can accumulate quickly.” 

As he stood up, pages fell from his book. Peeta tried to contain his sketchbook, but various pictures fell down. One of them floated over to her. 

Peeta dived to get it, but was too late. The drawing fell at Katniss’ feet.

Picking it up, she was curious as to whom he had drawn. What she found drawn stole her breath away. The girl in the picture was gorgeous. Then Katniss saw the long braid, the cap she wore on her head. She looked to the other pictures and they were all of her. Peeta had drawn a picture of her, as if she was beautiful.

“You drew this?”

Peeta tucked his sketchbook under his arm and stuck his hands in his pockets and couldn’t look up at her. He shyly gave her a nod.

Her heart thundered in her chest. “Is this me?”

Peeta’s eyes widened and his mouth hung slightly open. He cleared his throat. “I ah…”

She picked up another one. There were pictures of her laughing, others of her eating, one of her sitting by Madge in school. Another showed her with Prim, another with her dad. It dawned on her he said he drew the girl he liked constantly. But she needed to be sure. She didn’t want to make assumptions. Maybe this girl looked a lot like her. 

“Katniss,” Peeta said. 

 “Can I keep it?” she asked.

Her questions seem to baffle him because he gave her a look of wonderment and at the same time puzzlement. “You want to keep it?”

“I mean, if this isn’t me?”

Peeta walked up to Katniss and stared longingly into her silver eyes. As if he was looking for something. Finding it, his face broke out into one of his legendary smiles. “Of course this picture is you. You’re the only girl that I’ve…well…liked.”

“You like me?”

“Ever since we were in kindergarten, when you sang the Valley song. I was a goner then and I’m a goner now. You’re the girl I was describing. I just didn’t know if you felt the same way about me. I was afraid I was projecting what I feel on you. You don’t have to feel any which way about me. I’m okay with that, I just can’t help the way I feel.”

Katniss didn’t know whether she wanted to jump or laugh or run. Instead she took his hand, leaned up on tiptoe, and kissed him on the cheek.

His smile was crooked and his cheeks were flushed. “I think we better get you out of the cold.”

Katniss nodded. It wouldn’t have mattered to her if it was 30 degrees below zero outside. All she knew was she was on cloud nine.

Together, hand in hand, they made their way back to the bakery. They sat down in front of the fire to snack on the cheese buns and hot chocolate he packed for them. They talked and laughed, and for Katniss it was like finding a kindred spirit. It was the start of a beautiful relationship. 

As she left the bakery Peeta held her hand, “When can I see you again?”

“Silly I’ll be back in the morning to trade with you.”

“No I mean,” he shyly gave her a smile, his fingers brushed over her knuckles and Katniss thought she would melt. “When can we spend more time together.”

“How about we have lunch tomorrow? We can meet here at the bakery.”

“Great, we can stroll in the meadow afterwards. It’ll be nice to see the daylight. I’m always stuck inside of the bakery.” He smiled and kissed the back of her hand, and Katniss knees wobbled at the contact of his warm lips brushing up against her skin. Katniss couldn’t wait to see him tomorrow.

When Katniss finally came home she was grinning from ear to ear. Her mother was out attending a birth with Prim.

“Hello,” her father said. “Where have you been?” He was carving a cane for one of her mother’s patients. 

Katniss froze. She wasn’t sure what to say to her father.

“You look like Buttercup when he gets a bowl of cream.”

The heat rose to her face. There was no way she could keep this away from her father. “I was meeting with someone.”

“Oh,” her father said, putting his knife down. 

She sat down. Katniss and her father were close and if she wanted to see Peeta, she needed to sit down and talk to her dad about the boy, no, scratch that, man, she’d had an unbreakable bond with since forever. Squaring her shoulders, she said, “Dad, I was with Peeta Mellark. I took him to the woods and we had a fine time.” Katniss sighed. “We spent the rest of the afternoon at the bakery talking. His dad was an earshot away.” Her eyes pleaded with her father’s matching silver eyes.

“You were with Buck Mellark’s youngest son?”

“Yes.”

“And do you like him?”

Katniss didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

Her father smiled. “I have only one piece of advice Katniss. Just follow your heart as you take the metaphorical leap off the cliff of love. If your heart tells you to stop or you have doubts, just walk away. All I want is for you to be happy.”

“Thank you, dad,” Katniss smiled and walked away. She didn’t know her father gave her baby sister a detailed report on their conversation. Nor did she know Prim was determined to make sure her sister took that final leap and toasted with Peeta Mellark.

Prim and Gale were on chaperon duty, to make sure the lovebirds stayed in love. Katniss for her part went to lunch with Peeta. Each time she and him were together, she did just as her father said. She and Peeta took it slowly. As she and Peeta grew closer Katniss fell deeper in love with Peeta, while the relationship of others cooled.

Katniss stood with Peeta watching Delly slap Gale in the face.

“Delly, I swear I didn’t kiss her!” Gale ran after Delly.

“I saw you!”  Delly cried and ran inside. Her brother stood by the door arms crossed not letting Gale enter the house.

“What can we do?” Katniss whispered.

“I don’t know Katniss,” Peeta answered back. Gale rushed past them in the direction of the meadow. Peeta held her closer. “What we can do is promise each other to be honest and talk to one another.”

Katniss nodded, what Peeta said was true. Delly and Gale weren’t communicating with one another. Her parents talked all of the time, even about trivial things. Communication, as Prim pointed out one time to her, was the key to a successful relationship. She vowed she would talk to Peeta. And so she did, when she got angry at him, she let him know why. When they didn’t agree, they still talked.

It helped them get to know the other. Adversity could do one of two things, draw couples apart or bring them together. The intimacy between their words caused her hunger for Peeta to grow. They abstained and strained from physical intimacy but it was getting harder for Katniss to walk away. Peeta always seemed to be able to hold himself in check, it was Katniss who craved more.

It was hard for her to keep her hands off of Peeta. It was during this time Katniss decided to take the leap. Though she waited for the right moment, it never came. So she contented herself with simple things like taking long walks. There were many trips to the lake. Many trips to behold the wonder of the woods and it’s majesty. When it got cold and the snow coated the earth they walked hand in hand together facing each new adventure together. Slowly, the cold air became warmer and spring kissed the earth. The snow melted and Katniss and Peeta’s relationship heated up.

They were at her father’s cabin, lying in each other’s arms. 

“Are you okay?” Peeta asked.

Katniss was warm and blissful. Her body still coming down from the flight of pleasure she had within Peeta’s care. “Yes.” 

Peeta pushed tendrils of hair away from her face. “I love you,” he whispered.

Words of love and adoration were no longer hard for her to express. “I love you, too.”

He sat up and reached into his pack. He took out a small necklace that had a silvery gem on it. “It’s a pearl.”

“It’s beautiful.” Katniss had never seen such a beautiful thing before in her life. 

“It reminded me of your eyes.” Katniss sat up and he slipped it around her neck.  As he fastened it he said, “Marry me, be my partner in life. I pledge my love and loyalty to you. I promise to honor, obey, and love you with my heart and soul. I know there will be hard times, but I’ve found that when faced with things together, the burden becomes easier.”

Tears streamed from her face. “Of course I’ll marry you!” She rushed at him and they fell back into bed, a tangle of arms and legs.” 

On the day they married, Peeta made a cake that looked like the wintry wonderland of the forest.

It was as they toasted that Prim and Gale and her father were looking all too much like the cat that got the cream.

“What are you three grinning about?” Katniss asked.

Her father coughed, but said nothing. Gale avoided looking at her. It was Prim who spilled the beans.

“Katniss, don’t get mad at us, but we were tired of seeing you make moon eyes at Peeta. So we came up with a plan. Gale was supposed to get you to make a bet to take Peeta out into the woods. I was in charge of slipping you sleep syrup that night, and in case you woke up on time, dad was in charge of making sure you were late getting to the woods.”

Katniss couldn’t believe what Prim said. She wasn’t sure if she should be angry, but then a strong pair of arms wrapped around her middle and she didn’t care. This, after all, was the happiest day of her life.

When Gale walked away Katniss turned to Peeta and together they asked, “Okay Prim, how do we get Gale and Delly hitched?”

Prim grinned, “Well I have a plan…” 

The End….well maybe? 

[i-need-entertainment]

Dreams Can Come True: Chapter 4 Prettiest Dude Around

Chapter 3-Chapter 5

“Y/n, meet the Eight Precepts of death.” Y/n stepped fully into the living room to be met with 10 individuals. “Well, Eight Precepts of Death and Company more like it. Guys, this is Y/n,” Chrono gestured to Y/n to introduce herself. “Hello, I’m Y/n L/n, but please, call me Y/n.” They all said some sort of ‘Hi’ or ‘nice to meet you’ and also heard a few whistles, which elicited a glare from Chrono, and snickers to be heard. 

The first to step forward was a fairly tall male wearing a black cape looking thing, a black bowlers hat and a black plague mask. “It’s nice to see you again Y/n,  I’m Shin Nemoto, Nemoto is fine.” Y/n nodded, she remembered seeing him at the ‘interview’ with Overhaul. Next was a younger, slightly shorter looking male with blond hair that went over his right eye. “Toya Setsuno, nice to meet you. This quiet guy here with me is Soramitsu Tabe, I’d let him introduce himself but he’s not really a talker.” Tabe then let out a string of ‘I’m hungry’ and ‘eat’. “Next to step up was three big looking guys, like tall and muscular, pretty scary looking actually… “I’m Yu Hojo.” “Rikiya Katsukame” “Hey there pretty lady! I’m Kendo Rappa! But you can call me da-“, Before he could finish his…statement a middle aged appearing individual slapped him upside the head. “I sincerely apologize for this boys’ actions” The one named Rappa seemed to whine from the hit, and growl at being called boy. “I’m Hekiji Tengai, it’s nice to meet you Mistress Y/n.” Y/n nodded polite fully and smiled. “HEY! HEY YOU!” Y/n looked around confused for a second, until Chrono tapped her shoulder and pointed to the floor, where she saw a…stuffed bird? Said stuffed bird then jumped over to the floor in front of Y/n and Chrono “I’m mimic, Manager of the Eight Precepts. AND I DEMAND RESP-“ This time it was Chrono who interrupted, by softly, but firmly kicking Mimic across the room. “That angry plushie is mimic, he talks a big talk but he really won’t do anything.” Chrono shrugged “YOU COME OVER HERE AND SAY IT TO MY FACE CLOCKSWORTH!” Chrono just rolled his eyes, “Whatever you say shrimpy.” Next, a drunken man stumbled over “AAaaannd I’m D-deeiidorio Sssakakii. Niiicee to meeeet ya shweett stuff.” The strange man somehow managed to slur out before collapsing back onto the couch. “Hello dear, I’m pops, retired leader of the Shie Hassaikai. I’m also Eri’s grandfather, thank you for taking care of her.” A very nice older male introduced him self. “Its no problem! Really, Eri is an absolute sweetheart, and Kurono has been a really good dad to her. I’ll do my best to be a good mom.” Pop’s face seemed to light up at the mention of Y/n being Eri’s mom. Meanwhile, Chrono’s face was slowly going red, afraid of what his adopted father would spill about him. “Mom eh?” “Well, Eri asked if she could call me that, and I really don’t mind. I always wanted to be one anyways.” “Well, that’s very kind of you. The girl needs a positive mother figure. I’m sure you’ll do a fine job. Who knows, maybe you’ll help this hopeless idiot grow up some.” The elder said as he ‘lovingly’ whapped chrono upside the head. Chrono just pouted, rubbing the spot he was just assaulted. “Hey! I’ve been doing pretty good! Right Eri?!” The little girl made her way over and hopped into her grandfather’s arms. “Of course daddy!” “See” “Buuut it is good to have mommy around. Especially since mommy can draw, and cook and do my hair. Oh! And-“ “Okay that’s enough outta you pumpkin.” Chrono said while Eri giggled and made her way back to her play room. Y/n just giggled. “Kids these days…” He complained crossing his arms and leaning against the wall. “I don’t know, she might have a point.” “Who’s side are you on anyways!? I thought you were here to help me!” “I was, but now, I’m not so sure.” The Eight Precepts and pops and mimic were sitting back, watching and enjoying the scene that was unfolding. Especially since it was painfully obvious their dear old pal Chrono had a ‘little’ crush on the young caretaker. The two playfully went back and forth for awhile, before accepting defeat. Y/n was then dragged by Eri back to her room to play dress up, while poor Chrono was mercilessly interrogated by his ‘friends’. “SOOOO Chrono. What is your relationship with Y/n?” Setsuno asked, while stalking over to Chrono, ready to attack. Chrono was carefully trying to sneak out of the room, but was unsuccessful when Katsukame blocked his way, and sat him down at the table across from Pops, who had Nemoto by his side. The rest of the bullets gathered around the table, and blocked off the exits. Conveniently Overhaul walked in, and joined the group around the table, and after asking what was going on curiously sat down next to Pops. “So, son. Are you going to tell us?” “I’ll never tell…” “I wouldn’t be too sure about that.” Chrono dangerously glared, “Shin, you wouldn’t dare..” “Oh I would, Chrono, or as Y/n would say Kurono.” Chrono’s face went a slight shade of pink, causing the members to break out in laughter and shouts. While those seated at the table just smirked. “Son, I’ll ask you once more, what is your relationship to Y/n?” The room went silent. “We’re just friends…” “With or without benefits?” One of the precepts muttered, causing Chrono to die inside, pops to break out in laughter, and Overhaul and Nemoto to snicker. “I’m gonna take that as without!” Rappa shouted, falling to the floor in pain from laughter. “Do you like her?” “Yes.” Chrono immediately glared at Nemoto. “Ohoho? Really? That’s interesting, Kurono,” Overhaul smirked, smirk more noticeable since he was only wearing the surgical mask. “That doesn’t mean anything! I could just like her as a friend!” Nemoto sighed and rolled his eyes under his mask. “Do you like her, romantically?” The room went silent again. “Yes.” Chrono slammed his head down onto the table as the room erupted into more noise. Pops came over to Chrono and patted his back. “Now now son. No need to be upset. You merely have a crush! It’s nothing to be embarrassed about! Besides, Eri has taken a liking to her, and I could use more grandchildren!” Chrono shot up at that. He had avoided that topic enough times with Eri, no need for his adoptive father to get in on it as well. Deciding to spare his friend (For now anyways) Overhaul sent the others back to work, or to at least stop being loud. Chrono sighed, sinking into the couch. Now what was he gonna do? Everyone except Y/n and Eri knew, and he doubted the others would keep their mouths shut for long. Or at all for that matter. Nice going Hari. You’ve liked the girl for a whole two days and everyone already knows…the heck am I gonna do? I can’t just tell her, she doesn’t feel the same way I do. She can’t. I’m dangerous, a killer, and she’s sweet, kind, innocent. *internal sigh* Chrono then stood up and made his way to Eri’s room to check on her. When he got there, he noticed the door was open. In the room, Eri was dressed up in one of her princess play dresses, while Y/n was wearing a fake feather boa and Tiara. Y/n was currently styling Eri’s hair into an intricate updo, finishing the look off with a plastic tiara. “Look at you Eri! The prettiest princess around!” Y/n said while spinning Eri around the room. Eri giggled. “You’re a pretty princess too mommy!” “I think you both are pretty princesses.” Chrono said, entering the room, hands in his pockets. “Daddy! Come play with us!” “Okay, what are you guys playing?” “Dress up!” He internally sighed again. Knowing against his daughter and crush he was no match, and instead of putting up a fight, let go of whatever he had left of his dignity and sat down, letting the two females have at it. When they were done, he was covered in glitter, strawberry lip gloss, and stickers. “You look so pretty daddy!” Eri said in awe. “Just the look I was going for. Thanks sweetie!” Eri giggled as her dad gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Aren’t you going to give one to Y/n too? She helped!!” “Ee-ri! You don’t have to Kuron-“ He cut Y/n off by giving her a kiss on the cheek. Y/n’s cheeks went pink, and she got lost in wonderland for a few seconds before snapping out of it and smiling, letting out a sweet giggle. “Well, it’s not finished yet.” Y/n the put a purple boa on Chrono’s shoulders. “There we go. Now it’s finished.” Y/n and Chrono looked into each others eyes, each adult smiling at the other. “Hey Uncle Nemoto! Hi Uncle Setsuno! Do you want to join us!” Y/n stifled a laugh when Chrono grimaced as he heard his two friends names being called. “*snicker* No. No that’s okay Eri, just came to-to see your dad *wheeze*” Setsuno barely got out, as he and Nemoto broke into more laughter. “I don’t know why you two are laughing. Daddy looks awesome and pretty!” Eri put her hands on her hips as she scolded the two men. “Oh yeah, no doubt he’s the prettiest *cackle* prettiest dude around!” Nemoto got out, before being chased out by Eri, for laughing at her ‘masterpiece’. “*Huff* Those two are so immature.” Eri pouted while crossing her arms over her chest. “They sure are Eri.” Y/n said, while starting to take off Eri’s make up. “Mmmhmmm. Boys are so weird.” “Yup!” Y/n said. “Hey!” Chrono said, looking over to the two females. “Sorry Kurono, but it’s just the truth.” He sighed, knowing this argument was also going nowhere. “Alright Eri, why don’t you go to the kitchen and start eating dinner, Uncle Hojo is cooking tonight so go ahead sweetie.” Eri nodded and ran to the kitchen. Y/n then finished taking her makeup off and started on Chrono’s. “Sorry about the glitter…you’re going to be finding it for weeks.” Y/n nervously laughed. “It’s alright, raising a little girl I got pretty used to it I guess.” He laughed. “Take off your jacket, I’ll wash it for you. I have to wash my clothes anyways. I’m going to try to stop the glitter before it spreads.” Chrono nodded and took off his rain coat, while Y/n admired how fit Chrono was. Under the raincoat, Chrono wore a simple fitted white t-shirt with white pants, tucked into black boots. She had to admit he looked good. Sure he was lean, but the man was no stick. He had some muscles. “Here, thanks by the way.” “O-oh don’t mention it. I should thank you for putting up with that!” Chrono smiled, “It was my pleasure.” Unbeknownst to both adults, they both felt the soft, warm fuzzy feelings for the other. Unfortunately for them (and the reader lol) neither one believed the other felt the same.  “Alright, we should probably head to dinner.” “Good idea” With that the two made their way to the dining room. Where they were met with snickers and whistles.

[mercysingstheblues]

This Christmas || Samcedes

Who: Sam & Mercedes Evans, family and friends.  When: 3 Years Later Where: Samcedes’ Household What: A look into the future as Samcedes host a Christmas gathering for their friends and family. 

Mercedes: “Red or green?” Mercedes asked her daughter as she held up two different bows from her dresser. The preteen studied carefully as she pretended to be in deep thought. “Green,” she answered with a doubtful smile. “Red,” she came again looking more satisfied with her answer. “How about we do both?” Mercedes settled as she made her way to the bed where both her children sat. “She likes when o do pigtails anyway so might as well stick to what works.” She handed the red bow to Sammie who went to work helping her perfect her little sister’s hair. “Are you excited to see everyone?” She asked making small talk. “Yes! Grandpa said he something really special for me. I think it’s a car.” Mercedes side eyed her daughter with a shake of her head. “You are 12, I can guarantee you it isn’t a car.” She smiled at the pout of her child’s lips as she continued to twist Grace’s hair. “Fine, then I’ll settle for nothing less than Beyonce tickets. Floor seats.” “Negotiate a ticket for your mom and I’ll throw in dinner at your favorite restaurant.” Mercedes added. She was definitely her child. They made quick work and Mercedes asked Sammie if she would take her sister downstairs and she would join shortly. She did her makeup not really caring to look extra spiffy. She was tired and her feet were too swollen for her to worry about looking cute. After being satisfied with her attire she finally made her way down the stairs spotting Sam laughing it up with Quinn. She smiled at the sight in front her knowing Sam had to be doing one of his many impressions by the look on Quinn’s face. “Any chance he’s coming tonight?” A voice met her as she made it to the bottom. “God I hope so. I’m so ready for him to be out. Grace came early three weeks at that. Sammie was five days early but this one doesn’t want to seem to leave.” She hugged Finn who helped her down the last two steps. “Well I’ll be 50 dollars richer if he does. So maybe put in a good word for me?” She laughed at his reply. “I make no promises but I’ll see what I can do.”

Sam: He teased Quinn mercilessly, making her blush as he imitated Mike being caught in the act by the practice nurses just the previous week. “I swear Quinn, I’ve never seen him so embarrassed! You’re gonna be giving me and Cedes some serious competition..” Quinn giggled in spite of herself and shook her head. “ I don’t think so- you’re still the King and Queen of Freak! I can’t believe you guys are on your third kid!” A tiny mew, came from the tiny bundle she held carefully in her arms. “Seems like he’s waking up..Better go feed him..” she chuckled a little self consciously and he grinned, peering down at the newest addition to his best friend’s family. “Jeez he looks so much like Mike...Lizzie looks a little more like you, but Oliver has Mike all over him..” Fixing her with a serious look as his smile faded he asked her softly, “You happy?” Quinn nodded, smiling widely. “I’m so happy Sam...Thank you..” she reached out, laying her hand on his, “ You didn’t take advantage when I threw myself at you that time and I remember what you told me then- that Mike would find a way..and he did..” Sam shook his head slowly, “ No need to thank me, Quinn. Just glad to see you guys happy and finally free of Kitty. Even Missy seems a lot happier and Sammie said she’s one of her best friends now.” Leaning forward, he kissed her on the cheek, saying “You guys deserve this..” Looking up, he bit his lip, hiding a grin as he spied his wife aiming down the stairs. He knew she was feeling pretty uncomfortable- she kept saying she felt like a stuffed butterball, but to him she was breathtakingly gorgeous as ever. He smiled as Finn, helped her down the last few steps, no trace of the former jealousy he’d once felt. She was his, had always been, even when he’d been too dumb to see it, and boy did it feel good. “I’ll leave you to your feeding..if you want some privacy you can use one of the guest rooms upstairs..” he told the blonde before making his way over to his wife and catching her around the waist. “Hey Hudson,” he greeted Finn jovially, before kissing his wife lingeringly on the lips. “Hmmm...I’ve gone too long without a kiss from you, gorgeous..” He bent down and gave her belly a gentle kiss. “How’s my little grinch doing?” he teased her as he straightened, his hand stroking the tight mound of her stomach over the soft material of her dress. “Oh God..think I’m gonna be sick,” Finn complained, grinning at his friend’s antics. “Whatever bro, I saw the tears you were crying on your wedding day..Rachel has you so damned whipped, “ Sam bantered back good naturedly, bursting into laughter as Rachel herself came up, threading her hand through Finn’s arm, and watching how the big guy softened to a big pile of jello as he gazed at his tiny wife.

Mercedes: softened in her husband’s arms.  This was one of the big changes they had made in strengthening their marriage and she loved the fact that them touching without any awkwardness was so simple and easy now.  So much they had missed out on being shy and far from transparent with one another.  Now was like a 180.  They communicated more, always talked things through and never left anything off the table.   Long gone was any need for jealousy when it came to him and Quinn and seeing them converse and laugh just now only warmed heart cause she herself got to know Quinn on a personal level and they had now become the best of friends.  These past three years not only did she rejuvenate her marriage but her friendship with Sam as well.  He was her ride or die and she couldn’t have been happier.  “Baby, don’t tease him.  I think it’s cute.  Two of my favorite people found love with one another and I got a Goddaughter out of it.  They’re perfect.”  She smiled at the couple in front of them.   She then turned her attention to her husband fixing her mouth with slight grimace.  “He’s still chillaxing like my womb is a utopian wonderland.”  She looked down at her extended belly as if she could will her labor through penetrating glares.  “Plus, I’m wearing slippers cause none of my fancy shoes fit. Also this baby and I voted and we refuse to be in any Christmas photos.” She folder her arms as of her word was final knowing she would never get away with that one.  

Sam: He laughed at the disgruntled expression on her face, sliding a hand into her hair and kissing the pout away from her lips. "You so are going to be in every Christmas photo..you're sexy and gorgeous and you know it.." It was amazing how much he loved her, he'd thought he'd known how much back when they were first married, but he'd soon learned how fathomless everything he felt for her was. He felt the clap on his shoulder that indicated his father was standing behind them and wrapping his arms around his wife he turned to see his parents and in-laws standing in front of them. "Don't you ever get tired of kissin’ up on your wife?" his dad asked, shaking his head. "Nope," he retorted, pressing another kiss to her soft lips. "Not at all..And before you say it," he fixed his mother and his mother-in-law with a look, "we are not doomed..In fact I think you can safely say, we're exactly where we want to be.." Mr Jones threw back his head and laughed. "That told you, sweetheart," he said to his wife, grinning. "I always knew, though, you two were meant for each other. I'd never have let you marry her if I hadn't have known that." Mrs Jones smiled nodding "I think we can say that three children in, you are definitely sticking together. One might have been an accident..but three? That has to have been on purpose.”

Mercedes: “Three kids and 13 years,” Mercedes added.  Despite them not being all glorious years of marriage she was still for the time she had with Sam.  They stuck together through thick and thin and what probably would be the toughest test to their marriage and they survived.  “I’m still questioning how you gave away my hand in marriage to a seven year old dad.”  “It was easy, watching the two of you interact when y’all were younger.  It was obvious he was hooked.  He had that same look in his eyes I had when I met your mother.  The look that he had just found his match.” Mr. Jones admitted.  “What a lovely match y’all are.” Mr. Evans chimed in.  “Yes, thank you for making our son so happy.  Thanks for the beautiful grandkids.” His wife added. “I’m just glad we are finally getting a boy.  For a moment I thought I chose wrong when we got two girls back to back,” Mr. Jones joked receiving a nudge from his wife.  “Dad!” Mercedes fussed.  “Oh stop you know I love my baby girls from the moon and back.  I only kid.”  Mercedes shook her head with a warm smile as she rested her head on Sam’s shoulder surveying the scene in front of her.  She was surrounded by family and friends that she loved and adored and felt like at that moment she couldn’t be any happier.

Sam: He gently pulled her away from their parents, his arms around her guiding her to stand by the huge Christmas tree the dominated their entrance hall at the foot of the stairs, festively decorated in gold and red. “It’s great to see everyone happy and whole..I thought for a time Mike and Quinn would never get their shit straight..Kitty certainly made it difficult for them..but now that she’s marrying that Ben Israel geek, she could wait to give them full custody of Missy and go after his millions. Always said she was deadlier than a rattlesnake that one. I’m stoked to finally see that back of her.” He turned her slightly towards him, eyes twinkling devilishly, a smirk twisting his lips. “You wanna know how to induce labour?” He whispered conspiratorially, lips brushing her ear as he leaned in towards her, then dropping his head down to nuzzle her collarbone. “Wild, rampant, hot sex..so what do you say?  Everyone’s busy eating..talking..whatever..they’ll never miss us...Just you, me, upstairs in that big old bed..” he grinned enticingly, tugging her towards the stairs, threading his fingers through hers. “If it works, then amazeballs..but if not...try, try and try again..not to mention, it’s good practice for the next one..” Clearly, he reflected, much later on, in the early hours of Christmas Day, watching his wife hold their newborn baby boy, that old wives tale had worked a trick very nicely...He picked up her hand as she held the baby in the crook of her arms and kissed it gently, with all the love that he felt for her now and always. “Thank you, Cedes...not just for this...but for all of the Christmases that have gone before..”

[bma-2020]

POST-SERIES THINGS, HOW MALLY GOT TO THE OYSTER WORLD.

(Notice for spoilers to Sy/fy Alic/e if you haven’t watched it and care abt spoilers or smthn)

     WHICHEVER method of Mally during the miniseries we go with (Method one: She joins Hatter and Alice on their endeavors when Hatter goes to find her in the forest. Method two: She’s been trapped in the Casino for awhile, after Jack Heart finds out where she is, goes to interrogate Hatter, and she turns herself in to ensure he doesn’t get in trouble for it.) This is how it ends up.

As Bean pointed out in this one post from probably 2014 or so since I was already following bean by that point, that I will forever be linking to even tho Bean doesn’t write Hatter anymore n tries to hide the fact that Bean can do math better than basically everyone or at least me, before Hatter goes through the looking glass to find Alice, it’s at least three months in Wonderland time. That’s why he’s all healed up, has nicer hair, changed his hat, god better clothes, all that. 

Whatever happened, I do have it where Mally was with him during that time. Whether it’s the healing period from being trapped for so long, or just her trying to fix him up because he’s a wreck and in denial of being a wreck, either way, she’s not the kind to ditch her friend. Especially when the new king is the same dude who she was forcibly engaged to before she ran away, gaslit her, tried to convince her to ‘work with him’ and he could ‘convince his mother to let her go’ before she was sent down to the asylum, she’s not happy about the current royalty. That, on top of how he’s treated hatter in the past (I know the series doesn’t go into it but I highly highly highly doubt Hatter was that antagonistic towards Jack just out of jealousy and because he was the Queen’s son, it seemed a bit more personal than that. ) she ain’t about that.

But, she notices just about everything about Hatter. Now, of course, as much as I don’t say anything bc I don’t want ppl to be all ‘oh you’re trying to force ship’ when a: i’m not. b: unrequited shit. c: this was canon for her when I wrote w other hatters throughout 2013 or so through 2015, I didn’t say anything, I avoided saying anything, but Mally definitely has always had some kind of love for him. It’s in her nature, she is in love with Hatter, and she won’t say anything, so I don’t either. We all know how I am, I don’t even tell people when I do ship the muses and would wanna write it out cause yknow, I have massive anxiety about that and scaring people away so if I let them come to me abt it instead its not my idea first and I can’t be ‘awful or terrible’ for being a person yknow how it is. 

Anyways, she definitely would have noticed that he was missing Alice. And, while from how we know my writing goes, she has those reflections of the original wonderland, she has vague memories of the original alice ( which, in the version where she was taken by Jack and put back in the asylum, those memories expand a lot. Thus meaning, she remembers a whole lot more about the original wonderland because she can’t avoid it in that situation.) she liked Alice H, but she didn’t view her as the ‘legend’, she didn’t see her as an ideal, she honestly would have preferred if he wanted to go find the OG Alice, but long and behold.

She’d convince him to do what was best for him.

Even in the situation where he’d be trying to help her out of that trauma, she’d still tell him not to worry about her, because she only wants what would make. him. happy. 

And yeah, that fucks her up when he actually goes.

I don’t think she said that with the belief he’d actually go, so him actually going definitely wasn’t expected. She wouldn’t have wanted him to go, she wanted him happy, but I think inside she actually thought he’d just choose her over someone he knew for three days. That’s her headspace, don’t twist my thought process on this bc I actually ship this specific version of h/attice but mally would still be like ‘you knew her for three frickan days dude’

so she’s extremely not okay during the first few weeks after he left. Jack tried to contact her during that time, he’s still trying to get her to work with/for him, she’s not about that. Even in a completely damaged state of mind, she ain’t gonna go with Jack Heart for anything.

But, during that damaged period, is when the Cheshire Cat comes back. She’s talked to him before, he’s the only one with complete memories of the prior world and the current world, he doesn’t actually tell anyone anything. He talks to her about the Wonders. She does wander off to try and find the Vorpal Blade, and she does. In the process, she comes across Necros.

Necros spoke to her for a few moments, and ultimately when she said she didn’t want to be around him, he left her alone. One of the first people since Hatter to show her any ounce of respect like that, tbh. She does have a moment of time where she ends up in the Court of Swords, learns her mom is a Queen, all that jazz, realizes her own mother wants to use her for something, nothing pretty comes of that. 

But, within a few weeks, she ends up having a breakdown in the forest, she’s alone, she’s abandoned, nobody wants to help her, everyone she meets wants to use her, the one person she thought wouldn’t hurt her left her for a girl he knew for three days. and then Necros finds her, alone in the forest of Wabe, he doesn’t say anything to her, but he does offer her a hand, and she ends up going with him. That’s how she ends up coming to the underground.

Necros, Celeste, the underground just treats her nicely. She’s not used to it, she sees that nice treatment as a huge ‘what the fuck’ tbh, she’s just like ‘idk what’s happening rn but they arent hurting me so’ Necros has Monstrous Crow train Mally further, as Monstrous Crow can replicate others powers and helps them to fully achieve their ‘perfect’ status. From what she understood, they weren’t helping her to ‘use’ them, they were trying to help her not have to isolate herself anymore. With Monstrous Crow’s powers, they were able to develop a stronger version of her brother’s injectables that allowed others to touch her (as, March and Hatter were the only two that weren’t affected by her extremely cold temperature). 

This was a lot stronger than the one her brother developed. They made one that she could take instead. Granted, if she takes it, it weakens her excessively for days at a time, so Necros doesn’t recommend she take it over convincing whoever else to do it, cause they only need one injection and they’re done, never have to worry about it again. She’d have to do it every few days and it hurts her, they tried finding a way outside of that, because she could get to the point of her own power where she can stop it, but she’s not there yet. She might never get there. 

And, she chose to stay with them because the idea of completely getting rid of the Hearts family and bringing the true royalty back to Wonderland (the High Arcana, since the White and Red families weren’t around anymore, either finding a surviving relative fit to rule or convincing the court of fools to stop keeping away from it) and Mally actually made it go beyond that. She wanted Alice to come back and rule because nobody would be more fit to rule than her and Necros agreed, thus it seemed fitting to put her in charge of their operations in the Oyster land. 

Now, a lot of the underground are magical and they’re scientists. They learned methods to transfer back and forth from the oyster world without the time shenanigans that happen with others. This basically means that they can use the looking glasses they made to traverse back and forth and the time they spend in oyster land, when they go back to wonderland the same amount of time still passed. They went beyond the study of realm travel to ensure they didn’t lose anything. 

Monstrous Crow went with her, and the original idea was ‘saving’ oysters that... were better than average humans, and who were suffering in their realm and needed to be accepted, needed people to help them feel better about themselves, honestly because who better to convince to be on your side than someone longing for positive attention. Mally still helps with that, but she’s also going beyond that, and she’s trying to find out where Alice Liddell went. What happened to her. 

She knows that after 150 years of their time, it could have been more for the oysters, and she knows oysters dont live that long. But she also knows Alice wasn’t all human, that there was something supernatural about her that gave her the ability to control aspects of Wonderland. Therefore, she believes that she can’t be entirely gone. Part of her had to be reborn into someone or something else and that’s who Mally’s trying to find, particularly hoping that she’ll be like Mally is and have recollections of the past. That’s her main goal. 

But, there’s another goal she has too. She is actually trying to find Hatter. I think it’s more for closure on her end, to learn if he’s happy, see if his ‘ditching her’ made life better for him. That would lead to a lot more emotional spikes on her end cause, lbr, she’s gonna think abt the fact that he was only happy after leaving her behind, she acts extremely self confident but internally she’s a mess. 

[my-squad-is-bread]

So a quick rundown of my group...

There are seven of us, three guys and four girls. We call ourselves Panera Gang. When we first started the group, Me, my good friend Sora and my other friend Leo, went to Panera to study for Midterms. Our other friend Yovie joined us and soon all seven banded together and became a group. It’s great cause we all have very different personalities but somehow it works. So our group includes,

Me - the pet cat (interchangeable, because sometimes they refer to me as the Goddess), identifiable by my love for cats, books and wanting to murder

Sora - the mom friend, extraordinarily artistic and talented. Often very wise and has rlly hip fashion sense. Identifiable by her poofy curly brown lion’s mane hair.

Val - the vodka aunt, the Russian maniac who’s solution to things is either fighting or drinking. She’s known for being the only one with abs. (Often gets into wrestling fights)

Yovie - the grandma, likes gardening and knitting. She’s basically a human random generator. Known for being very blunt, and very into anime.

Leo - I don’t even know what his label is he’s just kinda his own sort of creature, (I would guess the stoner son) Reminds me of the caterpillar from Alice and Wonderland and the sea turtle from Finding Nemo. Has a stoner personality despite never smoking. Known for his mop of hair. (Sometimes called cotton top or coconut by me)

Matt - the next door neighbor or the cultured uncle. Very serious, loves creating AUs for the group. He is known for being very knowledgeable at a variety of things and is excellent at trivia.

Chris - the grandpa. Into video photography. Like our therapist when Sora isn’t there. On the robotics team at school (Sora is too). Known for constantly trying to fix things.

[theintuitivewildflower]

How to embrace your authentic self:

An Intuitive Wildflower’s Story of Becoming

April 2018, will mark a big life event for me; my one year anniversary of the beginning of this Blog! It has been a life changing endeavor for me and I’ve been asked to share some of my story.   Upon giving some thought to how I learned to embrace and love my authentic self, unconditionally I came up with a list; this made me realize how much work I’ve done on my own self over the past two years. This blog has  helped hold me accountable to my personal development goals. I am so very thankful and proud that I didn’t let anyone talk me out of this dream because I made it a reality. It’s empowering to be able to say that I went against the grain and didn’t give up.   Here I am, at 41, still growing; and while starting to write my story recently, I discovered that there are 10 main ways that I was able to embrace being myself. This is my story.

A lot of family members, obviously unsure of where I was going with this ‘blog thing’, as many of them call it, wanted to know just how I had determined that I am, in fact, a Wildflower. “What’s this Wildflower stuff all about?” they’d ask. I think a few even phoned my mother about it, possibly hoping she might shut it down; I’m guessing they were worried about how it might reflect on the family. However, mom, knowing me best, knew that would only fuel the fire.  When I started this blog, I was smack dab in the middle of my awakening to purpose, the fire was already burning hot!  

Sadly but gladly, I have learned that family isn’t always the most inspiring support team. I’ve discovered that sometimes family is who you need to prove wrong, declutter from your life and if often who you needs to be inspired the most. If it weren’t for my mother’s unconditional love I probably would have quit blogging within the first month. However, her acceptance of me is what allowed me to push forward when I wanted to quit; when it was scary and uncomfortable to be putting myself out there. The lack of understanding and support from others caused me to really put some thought into the following questions:

“How long have I been this intuitive wildflower?” I wondered.

When I consciously try to think back into my childhood and try to remember as far back as I can; I ask myself “how long have I  been  feeling this way; feeling like I  understand most human being’s; often more than they know or understand of themselves but to personally feel very misunderstood by most  people.

“When and where did I first begin to notice that in a field full of pink roses; I was a Wildflower?”

I blended well with the roses and fit in just fine socially but there was something just a little different about myself; I noticed this as early as first and second grade. I always wondered why my classmates didn’t care so deeply about things like me. I would ask questions and they would ask me why I cared or why it mattered to me. I couldn’t answer that; I just knew that everything mattered to me.

When thinking of myself as a child and how I was perceived by those around me these are the thoughts that come to mind.  I was the youngest child, a daughter with an older brother, a daddy’s girl, a tom-boy, an athlete, inquisitive, bright and full of energy.  That would be me, as a kid, described in a nutshell. However, when I try to think as far back as I can about my own perception of myself as a child, I remember much more.  This is some of what I remember:

…..you could find me as a school-age child, outside, climbing trees with the neighborhood kids on my block in Grandview, Missouri.  I could usually be found playing kickball, collecting bugs, having lemonade stands or playing cops and robbers! You might also find me playing Barbie or using my imagination to play games such as; “teacher”, featuring myself playing teacher to my Strawberry Shortcake figurines (my class). I vividly remember that I liked to delegate tasks and tell people what to do, my friends usually. I feel this was because I was the youngest child and was usually the one being delegated to and bossed around at home.  I was also competitive from the jump with my cousins and friends; I remember being very fond of contests and competitions and not just in sports or school.  Where ever my friends and I were headed I would be the first to say “let’s race”….and off we’d go.  If we were doing cartwheels, I was challenging everyone to see who can do the MOST; if jumping rope, I was announcing that we were timing who jumped the longest. I feel this competitive edge was something conditioned in me early on by my families traditions, beliefs and high focus on competitive sports. This brings me to the start of my list of ways I embraced my authentic self.

1. I realized that this very characteristic, being “bossy”, that might have been annoying to others when I was younger, is now, the very thing that allows me to help others find their own purpose.  Learning to encourage and coach rather than boss and delegate has allowed me to be an accountability partner to others.  It is precisely the way in which I am able to inspire, empower and push others to their personal limits while being true to who they are. This gift was always there it just takes time to sharpen our skills and gifts sometimes.  I was aligned with my purpose before anyone ever had an opinion; I believe this to be true for us all.

For much of my childhood and into my awkward adolescent years, then, through high school and into college; I was playing some kind of sport, competitively. There were times, growing up, when I felt like my value to the family was directly related to my performance or achievements in competitive sports. I was a good kid and I did what I thought all kids did; obey your parents. However, even though I could play several sports very well, my favorite thing to do as a child, teen, young adult was to write. Still to this day, my favorite past time is to creatively write. As a young girl, I carried pens, pencils, notepaper, coloring books, markers and loose leaf paper with me almost everywhere; to church, to visit family and in the car on trips. Writing is what I was doing on a rainy, boring Saturday; poetry, song lyrics, lists, brainstorming, practicing my signature or writing a story of some kind. Creative writing was “my thing” but I wasn’t really encouraged to do it; but it was allowed. Any chance I got to put the glove, bat, balls, cleats or kicks away and replace them with some poetry, a story or a picture to give someone else; I took it.

2. I kept this love for writing from childhood to now and it has been my life line more than once. When I found myself in a toxic relationship after a divorce, writing was what kept me sane. As isolated as I was, writing kept me grounded somehow.  It seemed to keep me tethered to my soul even when the tether rope seemed more like a frayed tiny thread about to break; it kept me hanging on; proving to me again that writing is aligned with my purpose.

After my son Noah was born in 1998, I was blessed to be a stay-at-home mom. This is when I discovered my passion for gardening; more specifically wildflowers.  I wanted to have my own field to let wildflower’s grow wild on. When Noah was 5 years old, we bought a five and a half acre, mini farm and transplanted all my plants from Grandview to the farm yard and watched over the years as they spread by seed, becoming larger patches of color in the yard each year.  I was amazed to learn how wildflower’s spread by seed and each year there are more to enjoy or share. I have this obsession with daisies, cosmos, primroses, sunflowers and just about any perennial plant. I love seeing a field next to a highway that has been taken over by wildflower’s during the Spring or early Summer, in Missouri. That is truly a beautiful sight to me; I will drive around on a lazy Sunday just to find some to admire!  As I have gotten older it has been so cool to visit friends and family that got starts from my first house years ago and they can now, years later, give me starts back to begin in a new yard. When I got divorced and was starting over I was able to go get starts from friends who had started their own patches of wildflower’s from starts I had given them!  It is residual beauty; proof that planting one seed can start a whole garden and then many more gardens; even more amazing is that, one wildflower can spread many seeds!

3. I never wanted the perfect potted plants lined up neatly. I wanted the messy, colorful wildflowers in my garden.   I liken Wildflowers to people.  I don’t want to know people just like me; that think like me, dress like me and share opinions with me.  I see beauty in diversity and always have. I do no not understand judgment of others. I believe one of the best ways to learn who we are, is to know and have relationships with people that are different from us. Again, it became clear to me that Wildflower’s don’t care where they grow and that this too shows I am aligned with my purpose.

In 2006, my daughter Abi was born and she is my miracle baby. Her father and I experienced 5 miscarriages between our two children. When she arrived we were so happy to have a healthy baby girl. She is my baby wildflower, no doubt. She is opinionated and inquisitive like her mother. She amazes me with the way she thinks every day!  Late one winter night, when she was sick, we watched my favorite Disney movie, Alice in Wonderland.  Anyone remember the snotty roses that were whispering and judging Alice for being different?  "Do you suppose she is a Wildflower?” they said.  The wildflower connection resonated with me again!  I realized, I’m Alice, so-to-speak. It was here I really started to embrace that was a human wildflower. I had been through some painful experiences and those seem to make you a little more empowered to be true to yourself.  You start realizing that you have been your very own best friend a lot; you start to appreciate yourself for it.  

WHO WANTS TO BE IN THE STUFFY THORNY ROSE GARDEN TIED UP TO POSTS OR A TRELLIS AND CONDITIONED IN HOW AND WHERE TO GO?? NOT I!

I prefer to grow old being wild, free, still learning and raising hell when I want to. I try to always stay mindful about being aligned with my purpose, helping others; I can do that just about anywhere.  I’m about as battered and bruised from the strong winds of change that one wildflower could be but apparently God made me super resilient. I’ve loved hard, gotten hurt; even caused some pain of my own. I had to learn to let go of my own guilt and shame that I was carrying and then, forgive myself. Only then, could I forgive anyone else.  Finally releasing negativity that I’d been holding inside until it was toxicity flowing through my veins,  allowed me to move forward and feel worthy of fulfilling my purpose. The negative self-talk had to go for me to get where I needed to go.  

4. Learning from our past rather than living in it, is one of the best ways to apply lessons we learn along the way to our authentic self. I had to forgive myself before I could truly forgive anyone else.

I always loved music from my parent’s generation.  As a teen, I felt they wasted their lives by missing Woodstock. They shake their heads when I mention this, as that is so not their style. If reincarnation happens I am pretty sure I was there dancing somewhere in the crowd with a sundress and tambourine. I have always done things differently than my family has. I have no problem thinking outside the box especially now that I have embraced my authentic self.  Wildflower would have been my hippie name at Woodstock and for that reason and the others that I am sharing with you today, it became  my social media name for my blog as well.  

Today I am 40. I still don’t fit in but I don’t want to.  I kind cringe at the thought of it now. I’m not one to worry a lot about what people think of me because I’m usually worrying about someone else. New people I meet do not know what to think of me. I think much deeper into things than most; typical of an INFJ personality type. Less than two percent of the population are INFJ, which explains why we feel so misunderstood all the time.  We try to see every side and angle and for an INFJ personality type there are at least 8 sides to everything; INFJ’s will entertain each and every one.

5. When no one seems to understand me or where I’m coming from, music always does. I love and express gratitude for it on a daily basis. Music has kept me going when no one else cared or even knew I had a need. Music has a healing power to it and I have always related to various artists and genres. Just like people, my taste in music is diverse. Music connects people, music touches the soul, speaks in frequency and word; MUSIC HEALS!

At 40, I discovered I am an empath after being in a relationship with a narcissistic personality type. I finally understood why strangers want to tell me their life stories and why my intuitions are so strong and annoyingly accurate. I can often feel a person’s vibe right away; their pain, sorrow, joy and love. When there is hate in the room I can feel that too; it has a strong energy. A lot of folks just need someone to be there and the empath friend is usually that person. We get drained carrying our energy around plus yours and whoever else we walk by at Wal-Mart or church or anywhere else. However, once I began to see it for the gift that it is I began to express gratitude for it and I began to use it to fulfill my purpose. When I discovered this about myself I also became a sponge for information about this gift and what it means to have it.

6. I’ve been able to gain strength in knowing that my purpose it to help people. I have just had to learn the hard way that you cannot push a rope uphill. You are no help to someone who rejects your help, won’t help themselves, meet you halfway or is focused on what they can TAKE from you. I have had to face the fact that I am NOT Jesus and everyone is not meant to be saved by me.

Another reason it seemed natural to refer to myself as a Wildflower in my blog or to write as #theintuitivewildflower is that I have been saying since about 1995 that I belong among the Wildflower’s thanks to a Tom Petty song, Wildflowers.  It just touched my soul in a way that I don’t think any song ever had before or has again to this very day.  I always felt just like the song says, still do

“You belong among the wildflowers,

you belong in a boat out at sea.

Sail away, kill off the hours;

you belong somewhere you feel free….”

It resonated very deeply with me as a Senior in High School,  I was making big decisions about my future, my career and my life within my own head. Meanwhile, my folks were also making their own plans for me. Eighteen is that age when you are ready to execute your independence and leave home but you are still a little uncertain about your ability and the opinions of those who love you most, still play a big part in your decision making.  

7. I wanted to declare at 18, that I knew who I was but I hadn’t yet embraced my authentic self. I also realize if I had, that I wouldn’t have been ready to fulfill my purpose the way I am meant to.  I would not have had the many life lessons that prepared me for my calling. My purpose was literally born from my pain, mistakes and hurt.  Therefore, when I finally mustered up the strength and courage to start sharing my story at 40, I had to get really comfortable with being uncomfortable.   When I realized that my message, my story and my pain were all part of my purpose; amazing things began to happen in my life! Empowerment came to me when I embraced the fact that there was a purpose to my pain and so I began to write about it and my healing process.

 The original blog title was  ‘Where the Wildflower’s Grow’ and was started partly to hold myself accountable to my personal growth after ending a toxic relationship; to keep my promise to myself that I would not go backwards in my life anymore!  It was a way for me to help heal myself, to get my voice back, to stay no contact with the ex and to help other women in similar situations begin to heal too. I had been held down emotionally for several years. I recognized the fact that I was in no way a model, public persona or public speaker. I knew  that everyone was going to see me at my worst if I chose to move forward with this and thankfully, the empowered me, dove in head first; knowing it was now or never!  I’ve discovered that the more I write and meet people through my blog; there are so many people in need of empowerment, inspiration, love and healing. They have a variety of hurts that I want to help or encourage to heal, then, find and fulfill their purpose. I can’t limit it to just one group or one type of trauma; I just know my purpose is to help people when needed in some kind of way and that is my “WHY” for continuing my Adventures of a Wildflower blog.

8.  Self-belief and recognizing that my story mattered was the result of choosing to focus on personal growth and healing!  I stopped noticing my flaws and noticed this new empowered woman I had become.  When I decided other people and their healing were more important than my frizzy hair, adult acne, crow’s feet and past; I evolved. I got closer to my authentic self and I started to shine!  I knew  that everyone was going to see me at my worst if I chose to move forward with this and the empowered me dove in, head first; knowing it was now or never!  This started to empower others.

It was the most major and empowering milestone move of personal growth, the day I started this blog experience! What I realize now, at 41 years of age, is this; growing up, it wasn’t that I was so different in anyone else’s eyes, I was the average, active, sporty type and participated in the usual activities youth are usually offered to choose from. I felt different within myself because I was always thinking so deeply and feeling so deeply everything around me. I asked questions about everything and remember thinking, as young as 8 or 9 years old, that my friends were just plain wrong for thinking “I don’t know” was an acceptable answer to anything I wanted to learn more about. I wondered why things that mattered to me didn’t seem to matter to anyone else. I was pretty confident and I’ll praise my parents for that. I wasn’t really an introvert early on, I was fairly outgoing and often comical if comfortable enough in the crowd around me.

9. KNOW THYSELF- C.G. JUNG…. To be committed to learning and knowing who I am was the best advice I ever took. A good friend told me to do this the year we both turned 40, as we discussed our birthdays and the feeling that there was something that changed for us both then; we felt as if we wanted to chase whatever was missing! He recommended I take the Meyer’s-Briggs personality test to begin the process.  Now, knowing I am an intuitive empath and an INFJ, the rarest of personality types; it all makes sense! I now understand why I grew up feeling like the black sheep of the family or the big yellow daisy in the middle of all the dainty pink roses. Had I not discovered these traits about myself I may have mistaken them for anxiety or OCD or another mental health issue. On the contrary, I learned that I had been gifted these traits and they were directly aligned with my purpose and calling! I would never want to numb them.  

Lastly, my blog was created to prevent suicide and raise awareness for the need of empathy, compassion, understanding and acceptance regarding Mental Health Issues and Disabilities; to provide education, inspiration and a place to discuss these topics peacefully.

On my facebook page, you will see that I offer my time. I know what it feels like to feel different, misunderstood, judged or taken for granted, to be mentally drained from feeling so deeply and caring so much; also to fail more than once.  My time is for you: the other wildflowers that are always out there spreading sunshine and planting seeds of love in a hateful world. You are so strong but on weak day there is no one to give you sunshine or water to grow. It’s not because they do not love you. They don’t understand the depth of your love and kindness.  So whether you are drained empath in need of boost or an empath unaware that just read this and thought, maybe I���m an empath too. Maybe you are an eccentric free-spirited Wildflower in need of some sun; if you feel alone come here. You are always welcome and I promise to have something posted up to uplift, motivate, encourage or empower you to keep going every time you visit.

10. Putting a plan to purpose! It doesn’t matter how or where you start putting a plan to your purpose. Once you discover it, you will feel obligated to start practicing things towards fulfilling it. That’s just what you see me doing here!  I know what it is like to be so strong that no one would believe you could be weak! I know you need the kind of friend for YOU that you are to everyone else. I feel you friend, I do. If you need to reach out and just don’t know where to go…….come here! If my shoulder or words are not enough I will personally assist you in finding a resource that provides just what you need!

In the blog, I discuss the importance of positivity, self-development, business, healing, mental health and the healing power of music. As an amazon affiliate I share this link with you and you can find some of my very favorite resources, books and music pertaining to topics such as this! https://amzn.to/2DQKVc2my  

I hope you will follow along with me on these Adventures of a Wildflower as I just totally put myself out there in hopes to find some other wildflowers that need a garden​ to grow in; a safe place to come and recharge or relax so you can remember:

YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL, UNIQUE AND YOU HAVE A PURPOSE JUST AS SPECIAL; IN FACT, YOU WERE MADE FOR IT!  

Peace, good vibes and One Love,

Karyn Dee     #theintuitivewildflower

Dedicated in honor of John Michael Dutcher

who was, without a doubt, a very strong and most beautiful wildflower with the most precious soul!

#theintuitivewildflower :  tumblr, pinterest, G+, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and linkedin

#theintuitivewildflower FEED YOUR HEAD!! (with help from Amazon)

In my blog, Adventures of a Wildflower, I discuss often the lack of readers we have in the world today. As an adult, I have had people say they haven’t opened a book since high school. That needs to change. Rediscover something good for you today. Feed your head with Amazon’s kindleunlimited package. https://amzn.to/2DQKVc2my

[mystical-flute]

Black Coffee & Pumpkin Pie Ch. 2

Aiden Gold let out a sigh as he sipped at the tea in front of him. He normally hated coming to Granny's, but Gideon had insisted on it upon bringing home the confirmation of his acceptance into Storybrooke's accelerated science program, which was led by Dr. Hyde… which frankly worried Aiden more than the freshness of Granny's lasagna, but if it made Gideon happy, well, he couldn't resist.

"So Gideon, are you excited to start your science program?"  he asked weakly as the boy practically inhaled his dinner.

 The boy nodded eagerly, licking a bit of beef from his lip. "Yeah, sure am! It'll be great. And I'm really glad Roderick got accepted too!"

 "That worries me," Belle said with an amused shake of her head. "You'll actually pay attention to what Dr. Hyde is saying, right?"

 Gideon's eyes nearly rolled, but stopped as Aiden shot him a look. "Yeah, I will," the boy grumbled, poking at his chili with a spoon.

 Aiden smiled as he watched his wife and son, but there was still pain behind his smile. His elder son, Neal, should have been here with them, celebrating, but that horrible woman he'd first been married to had spirited his son out of Storybrooke in the dead of night with her bastard of a new husband, and Aiden hadn't seen him since, despite Aiden's exhaustive efforts. His fingers gripped the tea cup just a bit harder as he glanced up at an unfamiliar face who had just entered the diner.

 "Who is that?" he asked with a small frown.

 "Oh, that's the new firefighter. I overheard him talking to Emma last week when mom and I were here," Gideon explained with a shrug. "Don't know what his name is though."

 Aiden frowned slightly, looking over at the firefighter, feeling some sort of odd connection to him. But why? He'd never seen the man before in his life.

 "Aiden? Are you okay?" Belle asked with a tilt of her head.

 He blinked, turning to his wife and smiling. "Yes darling, I'm just fine. Sorry. My head was in the clouds for a moment."

 Belle smiled and turned back to her sandwich. Aiden returned the smile, but he still felt a strange pull toward the stranger that was dashing out the door with greasy bags in his hand… and whenever Aiden Gold set his mind on something, he always got his answers.

 When he parted ways with his wife and son after lunch, Aiden made his way back to the pawn shop, flipping the sign back to open and making his way into the back room as he pulled out his cell phone, dialing the familiar number.

 "Hello, Zelena? It's Aiden. I would like you to start looking into some files for me again," he said when the woman picked up on the other line.

 "The ones about your son?" Zelena replied with a sigh. "Aiden, we've been over this with so many people. Lawyers, private investigators… you even harassed Mother Superior about it!"

 "Because that blue-dressed woman knows more than what she's admitting to," Aiden thought bitterly, before speaking into the phone. "Zelena, please. I need you to look into the files again It's my son's disappearance. I just want an answer."

 Zelena exhaled on the other end, and Aiden could see her leaning back against her high-back leather chair, pinching her forehead in annoyance. "Okay. Fine. I'll have the investigators open the case again. I'll call you if anything new comes up."

 "That's all I ask, dearie. That's all I ask…" he said, ending the call and smirking, sitting back in his chair. Whoever that man was, Aiden Gold would get his answers.

 -----

 Though the only photograph Neal had seen of his father had been from a decade ago, he recognized the man anywhere, even without the help of seeing his step-mother and half-brother. He'd felt a cold chill go down his spine at the quick look he'd gotten of the man, even though he knew this was exactly why he had wanted to come to Storybrooke. So many things had whirled through his mind: did his father recognize him? What would the man's reaction even be to seeing his long-missing son again?  Hell, even how he would react to seeing his father again wasn't something Neal was sure of.

 He forced himself not to shiver as he made his way back to the firehouse, clutching the bags of takeout in his hands. Being the delivery boy for lunch wasn't something he'd thought he'd be doing as a firefighter, but he supposed that, being the low man on the totem pole meant running around doing these errands when there was downtime.

 "Cassidy! Well done! And you got back in the time allotted," Chief Hood said with a wide smile as he took the bags out of Neal's hands.

 "Thank you sir," Neal replied with a smile.

 Being hired in as a firefighter had been one thing, but it was another thing entirely once he'd actually gotten started at work. Then the real test began – impressing the boss in person, and quite frankly, that was more terrifying than finding out information he didn't want to know about his father, because Chief Hood could fire him if he wasn't careful.

 "Now go on and enjoy the rest of your lunch," Robin told him with a squeeze of his shoulder.

 Neal nodded and made his way over to one of the free seats in the dining room, taking a bite of the club sandwich he'd ordered.

 "Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

 He almost choked, looking at the source of the voice. "Did you just quote Alice in Wonderland to me?"

 "On the contrary, I quoted The Mad Hatter to you," the man replied with a smug look on his face. "So, rookie, do you have any guesses as to why a raven is like a writing desk?"

 Neal blinked in disbelief. Was this guy serious?

 "Jefferson, are you torturing the new guy with your stupid riddles again?" another voice cut in, the man taking a seat next to Neal. "You don't have to answer him. He just does this to try to freak out the rookies."

 The first man – Jefferson – rolled his eyes. "Do you have to ruin my fun every time there's a new person? It's not like we get them very often!  So what do you think, new guy?"

 "Uh… I don't know. Raven wings could be used to make a quill that someone uses to write with at their desk?" he suggested weakly.

 Jefferson's eyes widened, seemingly impressed. "Wow. That's actually a good one. The going theory has something to do with Edgar Alan Poe, but I like your guess better. I'm Jefferson. Welcome to the department."

 "Ali," the second man said, holding out his hand. "We heard about you. You're Neal, right?"

 He nodded. "Yeah, I just started today."

 "It's nice to have a new face around here. Just stick by us and you'll be perfectly fine," Ali said with a grin that suggested Neal was instead in for a wild ride with those two. "So if there's anything you wanna know about our charming little town, just let us know."

 He had no idea what he got himself into, but he smiled anyway. He should probably make friends in this town, right? He was far from New Orleans and the friends he had there after all… and he was here for answers. Maybe these guys could help him out with those answers.

 "Hey, do you guys know anything about Mr. Gold?"

 The two men's faces changed in an instant, dropping in surprise and… was that a bit of fear Neal noted on Jefferson's?

 "Why do you want to know about Mr. Gold?" Jefferson asked.

 Neal paused, taking the time to chew and swallow a bite of his sandwich before answering. "I saw him staring at me when I was picking up the lunch orders today. Does he… do that a lot to people?"

 Jefferson and Ali exchanged another look, but it was Ali who finally spoke up. "Well… he is a bit of a suspicious guy. He always has been as far as I know. Apparently his kid went missing years ago, so every time someone comes to town he's immediately on alert. At least, that's what they say around town. I was only a baby when it happened. But there's probably some information on it in the library."

 "Which just so happens to be run by his wife," Jefferson added. "But Mr. Gold's been suspicious way before his kid was taken. It's just sort of his thing, you know? Gold is the big bad brooding shopkeeper, Mrs. Nolan is the principal who can go from either giving you a unicorn sticker to kicking your ass in the parking lot after school. You know, normal small town things, right?"

 "Uh… I guess? I came from New Orleans though so I'm not sure. This is the smallest town I've ever been in. But from what I've seen in movies I guess that sounds right?" He'd never heard of the ass-kicking principal before, but he knew he should probably try to avoid her if he could.

 "The Big Easy? And you came to a little dump town like this?" Ali asked, staring at Neal as if he'd grown a second head.

 He shrugged. "Peace and quiet. And after a while the humidity in New Orleans got to be a bit much."

 "You went from one extreme to the other. The winters here are awful," Ali said, shivering a little at the thought. "And it's already late summer. Ugh, I can feel the cold already!"

 Jefferson rolled his eyes. "And I'm the dramatic one? God Ali. Ignore him, Neal. He just wasn't made for the cold. It can get bad here, but you'll grow to love it."

 Ali let out a snort before the alarm began to screech over their heads, causing them to jump from their seats and run for the truck as they pulled on their equipment. Neal had to admit, he didn't think that his first fire in a small town like Storybrooke would happen on his first day on the job.

 "There's been a cave-in at the old mines. Some teenagers were down there and the roof caved in around them," the dispatcher said over the radio as Jefferson and Ali both swore loudly as Jefferson silently climbed in the back. Whatever this was, it was obvious that it had happened before and seemed to be a major thorn in the sides of his superiors.

 The bright red truck streaked down the road, causing the few pedestrians to turn their heads in alarm. A few of them had their eyes widening when they realized what direction the truck was heading in.

 "Alright men, you know what we have to do," Chief Hood said with a small sigh as they stood in front of the mine, the sheriff and a few other officers already trying to block people from getting too close.

 "Who goes down this time, Chief?" Jefferson asked. "I went last time."

 Chief Hood looked conflicted as he glanced at the men surrounding him, before finally sighing. "Ali. This time it's on you."

 Neal noted irritation on the man's face as he silently nodded as walked off to get ready. Biting his lip, Neal carefully made his way over to the chief, who was already looking as done with the day as someone could possibly be.

 "Is this common? Teenagers going into those mines?" he asked.

 The older man pressed his lips together, thinking. "It happens more often than I'd like it to, I'll say that. But I wouldn't say it's extraordinarily common. But every time we go down to rescue them, I think this will be the last time and it never is. Teenagers never learn."

 He nodded slowly. "Well, I just hope that with this cave-in, it won't be possible for them to get down there anymore," Neal said.

 "Start hoping that everyone down there is alive instead," the older man snapped before walking off to Neal's confusion.

 "Don't worry. That wasn't personal. Last time we were called to go into the mines, his son, Roland, was part of the group we pulled out of there. He's worried that Roland will be down there again," Jefferson said from behind him.

 Neal winced. "I'm sorry I asked about people going down there then."

 The other man waved him off, leading him in the direction of the opening of the mine. "Don't apologize. It's not like you know this town like the rest of us do. I bet Chief Hood's already forgotten about it. Besides, all that we need to focus on is saving the kids and not dropping Ali down there with them and running the other way. Now come on. Let's go see if we can make contact with them."

 Neal and Jefferson managed to clear a free spot to lower Ali down, Neal shining a light down to one of the frantic teens below. They seemed to be standing on some sort of elevator. How did they even get down there?

 "Oi! How many of you are down there?" he yelled to a blonde boy who was shielding his eyes from the light from the sun and the camera Neal was slowly lowering down into the dungeon.

 "T-there's only two of us! Please hurry!" the boy replied, coughing as dust rose into the air from some unstable rocks around them.

 Two was way too many in Neal's opinion, but he nodded. "Okay, just hold on. We're going to get you guys out of there!" he called down to them before looking at Chief Hood. "There's two of them sir!"

 Chief Hood approached them. "Sir, we're all ready," Ali said, tugging anxiously at the harness around his waist and looking uneasily at the  hole.

 "Good. Let's start then."

 Neal watched on a video screen as Ali was lowered down into the mines, repressing a shiver. How could people be so stupid to go down into an abandoned mine? And not just once, but repeatedly? He had a feeling that this was going to be what the majority of his calls were going to be for.

 "Okay Ali, we're right on target. You're about ten feet out," he said into the walkie-talkie on his shoulder. He could hear the anxious whispers of the gathered public, chancing a glance at them and spotting his father almost instantly. He tore his eyes away, looking at the camera screen again.

 "I've got one of the kids, pull us up!" Ali's voice said. "And make sure there's a paramedic nearby. He's going to need some help."

 He stood, waving over the paramedics as a woman dressed in a black business suit walked up to the sheriff, her lips pulled down into a frown.

 Ali emerged with one of the teenagers a few moments later and the paramedics wasted no time in lifting the boy onto the stretcher and running back to the ambulance, hiding themselves from the prying eyes of the crowd as Ali went back down into the mine to get the other teenager, Neal continuing to monitor the cameras.

 Something inside the mine suddenly creaked, the sound of the metal groaning sending a collective chill down everyone's spines. Neal saw Chief Hood's eyes widen as his hand reached for the walkie-talkie on his shoulder.

 "Ali, get the kid as quick as you can. That elevator is going to go at any minute!" Chief Hood shouted.

 "Chief, you're not going to like this. It's Bobby," Ali said on the other end of the line. "And he doesn't look like he's doing so good. I've got him hooked up, so bring us up."

 Neal knew that the kid being named by Ali wasn't a good thing, and he was worried as the rest of the squad seemed to freeze for a moment before working frantically to get the duo up and out of the mine.

 There was another crash, this one much louder, and caused the ground to rumble beneath their feet before Ali and Bobby were pulled up, and Neal's eyes widened in fear, but the machine kept pulling. Something was coming up, but what?

 "Someone grab him, now!" Ali's voice shouted from the cavern before his black hair and the blonde hair of the teenager peeked through the smaller opening of the mine. The paramedics wasted no time in snatching the teenager up and running to the second ambulance they had on the scene. The first ambulance's doors opened and the teenager stepped out, having gotten a clearance from the paramedics inside, while the second ambulance sped away.

 "Who was the other kid we rescued?" Neal asked Ali as he watched Chief Hood's somber form go over to the sheriff and the woman in the black pantsuit.

 "Robert Nolan," Ali explained as the sheriff's car went speeding down the street, "he's the sheriff's son."

[itstimeforspring]

the saints we see are all made of gold

title from ‘demons’ by imagine dragons. finished in response to jen leaving (still crying tbh) and the promo video (you will see why in when you read this; no spoilers for the teaser, however, as this was written first). if you recognize where i got the basic plot from i will write you something and/or send hugs.

many thanks to @love-with-you-i-have-everything for reading over this and also @literatiruinedme for enthusiasm and love <3

“Emma? Can you hear me?”

The young woman shifted against the wall. Her blonde hair covered most of her face, only revealing one bloodshot green eye. Her voice shook slowly when she spoke. “Where… am I?”

“You’re in the hospital, Emma. The psychiatric ward. Do you remember?” The woman with short brown hair leaned down to her daughter’s level.

Her husband stands at her side. “Come on, Ems. It’s your mom and dad, sweetie.”

“Emma is in the midst of a dream state, Mr. and Mrs. Swan,” the doctor interjected. He checked off boxes on a clipboard as he stared down at the crouching girl. “She can respond to you, but she doesn’t know what’s going on around her.”

Mary stood up, nodded. “She was fine yesterday, Doctor. What happened?” Dean wrapped his arm around her and she leaned into his touch.

“I’m not sure,” he said apologetically. I’ll tell you more when we learn more about her current state. For now, I think it best that she rest.”

Emma’s parents left the room. After a few moments, the doctor crouched down at her side. “What’s going on, Emma? In that other world. Tell me about your dream.”

“Wake up, Emma! Please, love, come back to me,” a voice whispered. Emma stirred. A rock dug into her back and she winced. Then she noticed the shredded agony that was her right arm.

She opened her eyes and stared into the bright blue eyes above her. “What happened and why does my arm hurt like hellfire?” she muttered.

“Emma,” Killian breathed. He kissed her forehead slowly, letting his lips linger. “It’s okay, love. We were afraid to fix your arm until you woke up, as we aren’t sure what the monster was or how much pain the healing spell would cause.”

Flashes of a few minutes ago came back to her. She and Killian and Regina were chasing a monster through the woods next to Storybrooke. The monster had been terrorizing a store on the outskirts of town over the past week and it’d left two adults in a comatose state due to blood-loss and something else that Whale couldn’t identify. In short, they’d found a magical monster with wicked sharp claws. It was not a pretty little monster.

“Right.” She twitched her arm, causing more blood to leak out of the dark red-rimmed claw marks and Killian to hiss. “Fix this.” She looked up at Regina, her tone not quite a request and not quite an order. She was in serious pain; a little bit of petulant demanding was allowed.

Regina didn’t bother to make a snarky remark back aside from rolling her eyes. She waved her hand over the limp arm and the bloody scratches closed up, leaving dark blue-glowing lines. “What’s that?” Killian asked as he helped Emma sit up.

“Magical remnant, I think,” Regina said. “Since we have someone who’s survived being attacked by the monster and left conscious, we can do research on the identity of the monster now.”

“Tell me about your dreams, Emma.” The doctor had gently helped her sit up and had brushed the hair out of her face.

Emma stared at him for a moment. His glasses were too round. She picked at a fingernail before answering. “I’m the saviour, in a town called Storybrooke, Maine.”

“That’s good. Tell me about who you spend time with in your dreams. Do you have friends in Storybrooke?” he asked as he scratched notes onto the paper on his clipboard.

“There’s David and Snow, and Regina, and Henry, and—”

The doctor paused in his writing. “Is there anyone else?”

“There’s Killian too.”

“Emma, love!” She opened her eyes to find herself still mostly on the forest floor. Killian was propping her up against his knee, looking down at her in absolute terror. “Regina, there’s something wrong with her.”

The former queen looked down at her. Her eyes were curious and somewhat cold. “I see that, pirate. Let’s get her to the loft. I’m fairly sure that she’s fine physically, but I’m worried about the magical aspect of those cuts.”

Emma could only blink at her true love. Something was terribly wrong, and she didn’t protest as he gathered her up in his arms to carry her home.

“What happened?” Snow shrieked as Killian maneuvered her through the door. The marks on her arm still glowed blue, but now it was a paler baby blue instead of the royal blue they were at first. “Emma, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Mom. The monster got a bit of a bite out of me, then I almost fainted, so Killian freaked out,” she said, straightening herself on the couch. Her head itched.

“What do you mean the monster got a bite out of you?” David asked. He stepped to her side and carefully unwrapped the linen covering the scratches. He could only stare at the glow. Emma laughed.

“I think I’m okay, Dad. My head feels better now.”

“Describe Killian, Emma. In your dream world, what does he mean to you?”

Emma rolled over to look away from the doctor. “I love him,” she whispered. “He’s always there for me, and he’s never abandoned me.” She scratched her forearm.

“Would you say that Killian is your ideal man?”

Emma thought about it for a moment, her mind going in and out of fuzz and static. “Yes.”

The doctor nodded and clipped his pen onto the papers. “Would you like to see your parents? They’ve been waiting for you to wake up again.”

“Mom!” Henry shouted. “Mom!”

“Why has everyone gotten the opportunity to scream in my face today?” Emma muttered as she opened her eyes.

“Because you keep zoning out, love. It’s like you’re sleeping but your eyes are open and moving.” Killian took her hand and squeezed it, gently yet urgently. “Something is definitely wrong.”

“I agree,” Regina said grimly. “Henry, would you like to help with research while Killian and the Charmings look after Emma?”

“But—”

Emma nodded, first at Regina then Henry. “Go on, Henry. It’ll be okay.” Judging by the panic in his eyes that was even worse than Killian’s, it would be best if he weren’t around her while she was going in and out of it.

Regina and Henry left the loft with the assurance of a phone call if something went wrong. “I’ll make tea,” Snow decided with a forced cheer.

“I’ve brought some cookies,” Mary said. “They’re chocolate chip, Emma. You used to love chocolate chip. Do you remember?”

Emma stared at the cookie but didn’t take it. Dean sighed. “It’s okay. You don’t have to take them, but if you don’t, I’ll end up eating them all!”

“Is this real?” Emma asked. Tears immediately formed in Mary’s eyes.

“Oh, honey. This is real, yes. You’re our daughter, Emma Ruth Swan. You’re thirty-two years old, and we live in Boston. I’m Mary Swan, and your father is Dean Swan. Don’t you remember us?”

Emma shook her head and pulled the covers up tighter. She couldn’t remember. She couldn’t remember the difference.

Was there a difference?

“There is something wrong, David,” Snow said from a distance. Emma opened her eyes. Where was she? Who were these people? Where were the doctor and Dean and Mary?

“What do you see when you close your eyes, Swan?” Killian asked quietly. “I can tell you’re not here. You’re so deep into your mind I can’t see where you’ve gone.”

Emma looked up at the man she knew she loved. She looked over at the kitchen where her parents were talking over the counter. “I’m in a psychiatric ward, a mental hospital.” Killian still looks confused. “It’s for people who go crazy.” He nods and listens intently. “There’s a doctor with a clipboard and he asks me about this life. My parents are there too.”

“Dave and Snow?”

“No, Dean and Mary,” she said, picturing their concerned faces, knowing them as well as her own family. Killian’s face mirrored the concern she saw in her memory.

Just then, Regina appeared before her, her magic dissipating around her. “Emma, when you lose perception of this place, do you see another world?”

Snow and David stepped over to hear Regina. “What is she talking about, Emma?” Killian took her hand again and squeezed lightly.

Emma merely nodded. Regina didn’t need the details she’d just told Killian.

“I think I know what’s wrong with her,” Regina said. “There’s a monster that creates a new reality that’s as good as this one, the real one. It creates a reality and convinces whoever’s under the spell that it’s the real land. The magic makes them more vulnerable to  Is that’s what happening, Emma?”

“It’s not real, Emma. Think about it for a minute. You’ve created a world in your head where you’re the saviour, a superhero in an enchanted town.” The doctor tried not to smile, but the faint tilt of his lips quickly faded. “Do you think that this is to compensate for your childhood? To create a world where you’re powerful and in charge?”

Emma remembered her childhood before Dean and Mary adopted her. Lonely, abandoned, unloved. How could she come up with such a life? How could such a life be real?”

“In this other world, you always had parents who loved you and missed you, even if they didn’t remember you. You have a son who adores you and who’s sweet and loving beyond realistic. You have a man straight from a fairy tale who loves you and would die for you—who has died for you. And yet he lives.”

The doctor knelt down to Emma’s level. “That’s not how the world works, Emma. People can’t die and come back to life, and there’s no such thing as magic. You knew this, and then you hit your head three years ago. While you were asleep, your parents read you stories about Snow White, Captain Hook, and Alice in Wonderland. When you woke up for the first time, you were muttering about magic and evil queens. This is a fairy tale, Emma. It isn’t reality.”

“But it feels so real,” Emma muttered.

“But it’s not real,” the doctor says calmly. “In order to forget the dreams, you have to destroy them, Emma. You have to tell them that they’re not real.”

“What happened?” Regina asked.

Emma looked up at Regina. She could feel her eyes glazed over. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. “Nothing,” she said.

“Emma, love,” Killian said. She turned to look at him. The love in his eyes—was it real?—it couldn’t be. She was just an orphan. No one could love her. Not like him. He was just imaginary. “I love you, Emma Swan.” He leaned forward and kissed her quickly, mindless of everyone around her.

It was Killian. How could she doubt him? She looked up at Regina. “Is there a cure to this?” she asked, her voice rasping.

Regina stared. “Yes, I think so.”

“Make it now.”

“But I—”

Killian stood, his hook rising unconsciously. “You need to go make the potion now.” Regina raised an eyebrow and Emma could see the grudging respect in her eyes.

“Killian!” Snow exclaimed.

“Snow,” Killian said, using her true name for the first time that Emma could remember, “your daughter will soon forget which world is real, this one or the other. I think it would be best if the Queen began the potion immediately.”

“Emma, do you think it would be good if you could rest alone for an hour or two?” David asked. “Just while Regina makes the potion.”

Killian glanced back and forth between them for a moment. Emma smiled as he decided whether it would be safe. Overprotective pirate. Finally he nodded and she stood. She rested her hand on his arm before stepping up the stairs. “It’ll be okay,” she said softly. “I’ll just take a nap, try to coax the dreams away for a while.”

“Emma, you’re awake,” Mary said with relief coloring every syllable. “How are you?”

“I’m better,” Emma said, picking at a fingernail again. “The doctor told me what’s happening to me.”

They were sitting at the doctor’s desk, each in a chair. The chair was hard, with a cushion that clearly used to be more ornate and cushy, but it simply wasn’t so anymore. “Do you want to stop the dreams? You can return home with your parents, and you don’t have to stay in the hospital anymore. You’ll be free.”

Emma stared at the bulletin board behind the doctor’s head. How could she have believed that the other world was real? She was just an orphan; no one had been waiting and longing for her, no one had sacrificed their ship for her, no one had found her in New York. There was no son looking for her to bring her to a magical land of wishes and true love and magic. There was no pirate to give up everything for her and kiss her in Neverland and follow her to different realms.

This was reality. Dean and Mary. Their earnest eyes and chocolate chip cookies. The love still pouring off them in waves from the moment thirteen years ago when they signed the adoption papers.

There was a flash of bright blue eyes as she spoke. “Yes. I want to be free of the dreams.”

Emma opened her eyes. “It’s not real.”

As the door opened, she thrust her hand out. “I have the potion—” White light poured from her palm. The cup fell to the ground and shattered.

She held a rope in her hand. “Mom, are you okay? What’s going on? Mwffl—”

“Emma, what is it? Regina and Henry didn’t come back downstairs—”

She magicked herself, Regina, Henry, and her parents to the forest. There, the monster waited.

The pang in her heart when she saw the monster flex its claws in Henry’s direction didn’t matter. He wasn’t real, the monster wasn’t real. None of this was real. It was just a dream. All of it.

“You’re doing so well, Emma,” the doctor said. She writhed in the corner.

“But Henry, he’s my son, he doesn’t deserve this,” she cried. “My parents either, they love me!”

“They’re not real, Emma. You have to remember it. You have to kill them to live in this world.” The doctor canted his head as Emma screamed. “What about Killian? Are all of them there?”

Killian ran over the hill. “Emma!” he shouted. “Don’t do this, love! We’re real! That other world isn’t real and they’re just trying to manipulate you!”

The monster ran toward him. He brandished his hook, not looking at the claws of the monster. He kept his eyes on Emma. “Emma, I love you. I love you so much. You have kept this town surviving throughout the years, and you love all of us. You can defeat this.”

“But they’re going to die,” Emma muttered, her hands pressed over her ears as she leaned against the corner. Her eyes were squeezed shut, only allowing a few tears to escape.

“That’s what you have to—”

“Killian loves me. He always has. I know that, I know it, I’ve never doubted it. Killian’s love has kept me going throughout the years. Killian’s and Henry’s. How can I live without that?”

“You’ll have our love,” Mary cried, taking Emma’s hand. “Isn’t that enough, Emma? If you give up this other world, you’ll have us.”

“Emma!” Killian screamed. “Please! We’re real, I promise you, love! Just trust me!” The monster swiped at him and he ducked, barely avoiding the beast’s claws. Emma could smell the fresh blood in the air. Dripping from the wounds that she had caused.

“It’s just an illusion, Emma. It’s not real,” the doctor soothed. “Turn away from them and look at your family. They’re real. We’re real.”

“You’ve got a world of strength in your heart, Emma!” Mary said. “I know you do. You just have to find it again. Believe in yourself.”

“Please, Swan! I love you! I believe in you, Emma, you can do it!” Leather ripped. His eyes fluttered shut under the force of the assault. The monster was overpowering him.

She loved him. If she knew nothing else, in the world, whichever reality was truly real, she knew that.

Emma looked up at her parents and the doctor. The doctor’s face reflected his alarm, but Dean and Mary were still smiling, tears beginning to streak down their faces. She stared at them one last time, memorized their faces again, and tried to smile. “Thank you. Thank you. Mom, Dad. I’m sorry.” She closed her eyes as her parents reached for her.

She whirled around and punched the monster. Her knuckles smarting, Emma jumped after it and kicked it into a tree. It snarled and pounced at her, no longer looking at Killian. She ducked its blows and grabbed its head and slammed it against the ground, once, twice, a third time. It drooped for a second, stunned, and she twisted her hand toward its neck, snapping the bones with her magic.

Killian gazed up at her, blood streaked down his face but a smile in his eyes. “I knew you could do it, Emma.” She stepped over to him and let him pull her into a hug, his lips grazing her cheek. Tears dripped from her cheeks to the back of his jacket as she rested her chin on his shoulder. She pulled away quickly and dropped down to Henry’s level. Emma gently pulled the gag from his mouth and cut the knots loose. Her son didn’t say anything but sighed in relief as she cradled the back of his head.

Once David and Snow were free, they all hugged Emma until she couldn’t breathe from both squeezing and tears. Finally Killian’s arm found its way back across her shoulders. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

“We always knew you’d find your way back,” David said. “You always do.” He grinned, and Snow’s eyes danced with a light of satisfaction and pride. Killian pulled her closer and kissed her hair. And Emma smiled. It was normal again.

In a white room, a doctor pries open the eyelids of a woman with blonde hair. Her parents stand above them, weeping and holding each other. He shines a flashlight into her eyes, and there is no response. “I’m sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Swan. We’ve lost her.”

[surveystodestressme]

47.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 8

701. What is your favorite mixed drink? i like sex on the beach a lot but i honestly like a lot of mixed drinks 702. When answering these questions are you often pulled in different directions, as if committing to one answer eliminates the possibility for all others? nahh, i try not to put too much thought into my decisions lol 703. Chicken Mesala, Pasta Primavera, Veal Cutlet Parmesan or Linguini with Clam Sauce? i don’t know what any of these are.  i guess pasta primavetra 704. If you were alone in your friend’s house/room/apartment would you look in their drawers and notebooks? i’d probably just watch tv

705. What would you really like to do but you don’t because you are afraid of getting caught? gamble??? lol idk

706. Of the following, which word best describes you: responsible: this one i guess spontaneous: tactful: uninhbited: 707. Which band would you most likely check out? The Smiths (indi-pop 80’s-90’s) probably this one The Lords of Acid (acid/house/dance 90’s) Front 242 (80’s-90’s industrial/dance) 708. How can one put an end to procrastination, as a bad habit? commit to everything that you ever need to get done 709. What feature would you want on your car that is not currently offered? well, i don’t have a car but if i did i would want bluetooth so i can always listen to my own music 710. What kind of poetry speaks to you? i don’t like poetry 711. What is your favorite store that is open 24 hours? uh... walmart? i guess 712. Do you find that sleep is just so much sleepier when you are supposed to be doing something else? absolutely 713. Do you also find that the books you chose are so much more luscious when you have a stack of actual assignments that you Should be reading? lol i mean kind of? 714. If you have had the chance to compare the original 5000 Question Survey to this edited version, what is your opinion? i haven’t done the originial so i have no idea honestly 715. What’s the most creative answer you can think of for ‘what is black and white and red all over’? a sunburnt penguin 716. Why do people slow down on the highway when they pass a cop car pulling someone else over? just to be cautious, i guess 717. Are they afraid that the cop will STOP pulling over whoever he is pulling over and pull them over instead? possible, i guess 718. It’s daddy’s birthday. What do you get him? something sports related 719. What’s your 5,000 question survey nickname? Look at the word next to the 2nd letter of your first name A anything but B bubalicious C captivating D deadly E erotic F funky G greasy H heaps of I indie J jelly K kinetic L lasher M Mr. (or Mrs.) N neglected O ogre-like P parading Q quacking R Rico S stinky T the one and only U uber V Velcro W wishing for X x-tra Y yearning for Z zoobalee Now take the first letter of your last name. A aardvarks B baboo C creme pie D drag queen E eggbert F flex G god H hell I Isabelle J juice K kisses L lightning M mannish boys N nice O octopi P porcupines Q q-bert R rainbows S suave T tushy U underwear V valor W weenie X xtc Y yohimbe Z zipper Put the two words together for your nickname. indie creme pie 720. You know that shaky feeling that you get when it’s all coming to a climax, and everyone involved is breaking into the good kind of cold sweat, working as individuals and at the same time as a single force of energy, and it all meshes together, and for a brief moment, you’re holding your breath and tingling all over, and after it’s done you’re on an explosive and dizzying high for the rest of the night? What does that feeling come from? drugs prolly 721. How many of your teachers can you imagine drinking or doing drugs on the weekends? definitely some of my high school teachers 722. Do you like Alice in Wonderland or Through the Looking Glass? i like alice in wonderland 723. Write a question and answer it here. what do you want to be doing right now? eating 724. Who is your favorite playwright? i don’t have one 725. What movie has come out recently that you couldn’t have less interest in? there are so many lol 726. What would the worst movie ever be about? poop 727. Do you like truffles? Do you like Turkish delight? not a huge chocolate person 728. Can you tell the difference between a transvestite and a real woman? it doesn’t really matter if i can or not 729. What’s funnier, plants or fire extinguishers? lol neither? 730. For question 720 did you write down sex? You pervert, I was thinking of musical theater. i didn’t actually 731. Which is better, leopard print or plaid? plaid for sure 732. What would you consider ordinary? blondes 733. What is out of the ordinary? dogs with sweaters 734. Do you ever watch COPS? I FUCKING LOVE COPS 735. Is there always room for j - e - l - l - o? i hate jello 736. If you had your own TV show, what kind of show would you make it? a horror drama 737. Do you know how heavy things like airplanes stay in the air? buoyancy??? idk if that even makes sense 738. When do you act the most dramatic? every single day of my entire life 739. Are you one of those people who have, “see photo id,” written on the back of their credit cards? i don’t think so 740. It’s mom’s birthday. What do you get her? she’s hard to shop for so idk, i’d probably ask 741. What celebrity has pretty much disappeared leaving you wondering 'where are they now’? amanda bynes 742. Would you get angry if you and your girl/boyfriend saw the preview for a movie and talked about seeing it together and then they saw it with one of their friends while you were busy? jack has done that before lol.  except with his mother and i was a lil mad because we talked about seeing it and he went without me but it ended up being a good movie and he took me later that week or something 743. How many people do you think will finish this whooooooole survey? not many, i’d say 744. Have you ever written a message, sealed it in a bottle and thrown it into a river/lake ocean? nah. 745. If you haven’t would you want to? sure 746. If you ever did what would you write? something significant 747. What do you wish you could always be protected from? death 748. What small thing annoys you so much it should be a crime? when people chew with their mouth open 749. Would you rather watch a video of fish in a tank, or the Yule log on TV? fish in a tank 750. Is it better to be loved or feared? loved 100% 751. What causes you to panic? lots of things man 752. Do you believe that you have a strong personality? i think so? unless that’s a bad thing lol 753. When Jesus saves souls…does he trade them in for valuable prizes? idfk man, do i look like jesus? 754. What resolutions would you make if it were new years? lose weight or at least get in better shape 755. Why wait? bc i’m lazy 756. Do you feel like time is on your side or working against you? working against me most of the time 757. What do you do for yourself when you are down to put a little joy back into your life? watch something or read something 758. How much Tolkien have you read? i don’t even know what that is 759. These are the songs on the radio. Which are you most likely to listen to: Time Bomb by Rancid Dead Man’s party by Oingo Boingo The Sun Always Shines on TV by A-ha this one 50 Ways to leave Your Lover by Paul Simon Run by collective Soul 760. Do you believe that Jesus existed as a real person? no 761. Do you believe he was the son of god? idfk dude 762. How do you feel about organized religion? i don’t care 763. What sentence have you heard lately, that would sound pretty odd out of context? idk 763. If you had to choose one image to be a symbol of our times, what would you pick? a cat 764. Name a group of people: crowd 765. How many of them does it take to screw in a light bulb? one, hopefully 766. Do you like the movie The Labyrinth with David Bowie and some muppets? never seen it 767. Do you like the movie The Dark Crystal? never seen it. 768. Metallica or Guns N’ Roses? metallica 769. Do you follow the Chinese zodiac? i used to 770. Do you like reggae music? not really. 771. What makes your life worth it every day? getting to see the ones i love 772. Do you seize each day and sink your teeth into it? sure 773. I’ve heard people say that Jim Morrison never yawned because he was just so full of life. How often do you yawn? every single day 774. Who decides what behavior is 'crazy’ or 'sane’? anyone who wants to i suppose 775. Who are the most inspiring artists, musicians, poets, and writers? oh there’s tons.  robin williams was always an inspiration to me and so was van gogh. 776. Did anything historically significant happen in the year you were born? not that i know of 777. Besides blowing out birthday candles when do you make wishes? on shooting stars whenever i see them 778. Are you self-sufficient? i try to be 779. Is it better to be wanted or needed? wanted 780. What do you feel is an appropriate age to lose one’s virginity at? whenever they are ready 781. Do you feel that the appropriate age for girls and for boys is different? no 782. Are you a hard person to get to know? i don’t think so.  i’m an open book 783. What is the craziest thing you have ever done out of anger? hurt myself 784. What’s the MOST annoying sound you can think of? nails on a chalkboard 785. What’s the silliest vegetable you can think of? idk 786. Do you believe in love at first sight? not really 787. Name one thing you have referred to in the past as “better than sex”: food lol 788. What do you see when you turn out the light? it’s dark so probably not a lot 789. Do you like jazz, blues and/or swing music? nope 790. Do you prefer gold or silver jewelry? silver 791. In what ways do you want your children to be like you? i don’t want children 792. In what ways would you want your children to be different from you? ^ 793. What was the scariest movie you’ve ever seen? back when i was little freddy kreuger scared the actual shit out of me 794. What was the funniest movie you’ve ever seen? grown ups or horrible bosses 795. What was the worst movie you’ve ever seen? the haunting of molly hartley 796. Are you a good massage-giver? i think so. 797. What is one question that no one can ever truthfully answer 'yes’ to? if they know everything 798. Is there more to this world than human beings can perceive? of course there is 799. If matter is neither created nor destroyed then is it possible that you are made up of molecules that once made up Ghandi or Jesus or Einstein? sure why not? 800. Are you often sarcastic? pretty often.

[theintuitivewildflower]

How to embrace your authentic self:

An Intuitive Wildflower’s Story of Becoming

 April 2018, will mark a big life event for me; my one year anniversary of the beginning of this Blog! It has been a life changing endeavor for me and I’ve been asked to share some of my story.   Upon giving some thought to how I learned to embrace and love my authentic self, unconditionally I came up with a list; this made me realize how much work I’ve done on my own self over the past two years. This blog has  helped hold me accountable to my personal development goals. I am so very thankful and proud that I didn’t let anyone talk me out of this dream because I made it a reality. It’s empowering to be able to say that I went against the grain and didn’t give up.   Here I am, at 41, still growing; and while starting to write my story recently, I discovered that there are 10 main ways that I was able to embrace being myself. This is my story.

A lot of family members, obviously unsure of where I was going with this ‘blog thing’, as many of them call it, wanted to know just how I had determined that I am, in fact, a Wildflower. “What’s this Wildflower stuff all about?” they’d ask. I think a few even phoned my mother about it, possibly hoping she might shut it down; I’m guessing they were worried about how it might reflect on the family. However, mom, knowing me best, knew that would only fuel the fire.  When I started this blog, I was smack dab in the middle of my awakening to purpose, the fire was already burning hot!  

Sadly but gladly, I have learned that family isn’t always the most inspiring support team. I’ve discovered that sometimes family is who you need to prove wrong, declutter from your life and if often who you needs to be inspired the most. If it weren’t for my mother’s unconditional love I probably would have quit blogging within the first month. However, her acceptance of me is what allowed me to push forward when I wanted to quit; when it was scary and uncomfortable to be putting myself out there. The lack of understanding and support from others caused me to really put some thought into the following questions:

 “How long have I been this intuitive wildflower?” I wondered.

When I consciously try to think back into my childhood and try to remember as far back as I can; I ask myself “how long have I  been  feeling this way; feeling like I  understand most human being’s; often more than they know or understand of themselves but to personally feel very misunderstood by most  people. 

“When and where did I first begin to notice that in a field full of pink roses; I was a Wildflower?” 

I blended well with the roses and fit in just fine socially but there was something just a little different about myself; I noticed this as early as first and second grade. I always wondered why my classmates didn’t care so deeply about things like me. I would ask questions and they would ask me why I cared or why it mattered to me. I couldn’t answer that; I just knew that everything mattered to me. 

When thinking of myself as a child and how I was perceived by those around me these are the thoughts that come to mind.  I was the youngest child, a daughter with an older brother, a daddy’s girl, a tom-boy, an athlete, inquisitive, bright and full of energy.  That would be me, as a kid, described in a nutshell. However, when I try to think as far back as I can about my own perception of myself as a child, I remember much more.  This is some of what I remember:

…..you could find me as a school-age child, outside, climbing trees with the neighborhood kids on my block in Grandview, Missouri.  I could usually be found playing kickball, collecting bugs, having lemonade stands or playing cops and robbers! You might also find me playing Barbie or using my imagination to play games such as; “teacher”, featuring myself playing teacher to my Strawberry Shortcake figurines (my class). I vividly remember that I liked to delegate tasks and tell people what to do, my friends usually. I feel this was because I was the youngest child and was usually the one being delegated to and bossed around at home.  I was also competitive from the jump with my cousins and friends; I remember being very fond of contests and competitions and not just in sports or school.  Where ever my friends and I were headed I would be the first to say “let’s race”….and off we’d go.  If we were doing cartwheels, I was challenging everyone to see who can do the MOST; if jumping rope, I was announcing that we were timing who jumped the longest. I feel this competitive edge was something conditioned in me early on by my families traditions, beliefs and high focus on competitive sports. This brings me to the start of my list of ways I embraced my authentic self.

1. I realized that this very characteristic, being “bossy”, that might have been annoying to others when I was younger, is now, the very thing that allows me to help others find their own purpose.  Learning to encourage and coach rather than boss and delegate has allowed me to be an accountability partner to others.  It is precisely the way in which I am able to inspire, empower and push others to their personal limits while being true to who they are. This gift was always there it just takes time to sharpen our skills and gifts sometimes.  I was aligned with my purpose before anyone ever had an opinion; I believe this to be true for us all.

For much of my childhood and into my awkward adolescent years, then, through high school and into college; I was playing some kind of sport, competitively. There were times, growing up, when I felt like my value to the family was directly related to my performance or achievements in competitive sports. I was a good kid and I did what I thought all kids did; obey your parents. However, even though I could play several sports very well, my favorite thing to do as a child, teen, young adult was to write. Still to this day, my favorite past time is to creatively write. As a young girl, I carried pens, pencils, notepaper, coloring books, markers and loose leaf paper with me almost everywhere; to church, to visit family and in the car on trips. Writing is what I was doing on a rainy, boring Saturday; poetry, song lyrics, lists, brainstorming, practicing my signature or writing a story of some kind. Creative writing was “my thing” but I wasn’t really encouraged to do it; but it was allowed. Any chance I got to put the glove, bat, balls, cleats or kicks away and replace them with some poetry, a story or a picture to give someone else; I took it. 

2. I kept this love for writing from childhood to now and it has been my life line more than once. When I found myself in a toxic relationship after a divorce, writing was what kept me sane. As isolated as I was, writing kept me grounded somehow.  It seemed to keep me tethered to my soul even when the tether rope seemed more like a frayed tiny thread about to break; it kept me hanging on; proving to me again that writing is aligned with my purpose.

After my son Noah was born in 1998, I was blessed to be a stay-at-home mom. This is when I discovered my passion for gardening; more specifically wildflowers.  I wanted to have my own field to let wildflower’s grow wild on. When Noah was 5 years old, we bought a five and a half acre, mini farm and transplanted all my plants from Grandview to the farm yard and watched over the years as they spread by seed, becoming larger patches of color in the yard each year.  I was amazed to learn how wildflower’s spread by seed and each year there are more to enjoy or share. I have this obsession with daisies, cosmos, primroses, sunflowers and just about any perennial plant. I love seeing a field next to a highway that has been taken over by wildflower’s during the Spring or early Summer, in Missouri. That is truly a beautiful sight to me; I will drive around on a lazy Sunday just to find some to admire!  As I have gotten older it has been so cool to visit friends and family that got starts from my first house years ago and they can now, years later, give me starts back to begin in a new yard. When I got divorced and was starting over I was able to go get starts from friends who had started their own patches of wildflower’s from starts I had given them!  It is residual beauty; proof that planting one seed can start a whole garden and then many more gardens; even more amazing is that, one wildflower can spread many seeds!

3. I never wanted the perfect potted plants lined up neatly. I wanted the messy, colorful wildflowers in my garden.   I liken Wildflowers to people.  I don’t want to know people just like me; that think like me, dress like me and share opinions with me.  I see beauty in diversity and always have. I do no not understand judgment of others. I believe one of the best ways to learn who we are, is to know and have relationships with people that are different from us. Again, it became clear to me that Wildflower’s don’t care where they grow and that this too shows I am aligned with my purpose.

In 2006, my daughter Abi was born and she is my miracle baby. Her father and I experienced 5 miscarriages between our two children. When she arrived we were so happy to have a healthy baby girl. She is my baby wildflower, no doubt. She is opinionated and inquisitive like her mother. She amazes me with the way she thinks every day!  Late one winter night, when she was sick, we watched my favorite Disney movie, Alice in Wonderland.  Anyone remember the snotty roses that were whispering and judging Alice for being different?  "Do you suppose she is a Wildflower?” they said.  The wildflower connection resonated with me again!  I realized, I’m Alice, so-to-speak. It was here I really started to embrace that was a human wildflower. I had been through some painful experiences and those seem to make you a little more empowered to be true to yourself.  You start realizing that you have been your very own best friend a lot; you start to appreciate yourself for it.  

WHO WANTS TO BE IN THE STUFFY THORNY ROSE GARDEN TIED UP TO POSTS OR A TRELLIS AND CONDITIONED IN HOW AND WHERE TO GO?? NOT I!

I prefer to grow old being wild, free, still learning and raising hell when I want to. I try to always stay mindful about being aligned with my purpose, helping others; I can do that just about anywhere.  I’m about as battered and bruised from the strong winds of change that one wildflower could be but apparently God made me super resilient. I’ve loved hard, gotten hurt; even caused some pain of my own. I had to learn to let go of my own guilt and shame that I was carrying and then, forgive myself. Only then, could I forgive anyone else.  Finally releasing negativity that I’d been holding inside until it was toxicity flowing through my veins,  allowed me to move forward and feel worthy of fulfilling my purpose. The negative self-talk had to go for me to get where I needed to go.  

4. Learning from our past rather than living in it, is one of the best ways to apply lessons we learn along the way to our authentic self. I had to forgive myself before I could truly forgive anyone else.

 I always loved music from my parent’s generation.  As a teen, I felt they wasted their lives by missing Woodstock. They shake their heads when I mention this, as that is so not their style. If reincarnation happens I am pretty sure I was there dancing somewhere in the crowd with a sundress and tambourine. I have always done things differently than my family has. I have no problem thinking outside the box especially now that I have embraced my authentic self.  Wildflower would have been my hippie name at Woodstock and for that reason and the others that I am sharing with you today, it became  my social media name for my blog as well.  

Today I am 40. I still don’t fit in but I don’t want to.  I kind cringe at the thought of it now. I’m not one to worry a lot about what people think of me because I’m usually worrying about someone else. New people I meet do not know what to think of me. I think much deeper into things than most; typical of an INFJ personality type. Less than two percent of the population are INFJ, which explains why we feel so misunderstood all the time.  We try to see every side and angle and for an INFJ personality type there are at least 8 sides to everything; INFJ’s will entertain each and every one.

5. When no one seems to understand me or where I’m coming from, music always does. I love and express gratitude for it on a daily basis. Music has kept me going when no one else cared or even knew I had a need. Music has a healing power to it and I have always related to various artists and genres. Just like people, my taste in music is diverse. Music connects people, music touches the soul, speaks in frequency and word; MUSIC HEALS!

 At 40, I discovered I am an empath after being in a relationship with a narcissistic personality type. I finally understood why strangers want to tell me their life stories and why my intuitions are so strong and annoyingly accurate. I can often feel a person’s vibe right away; their pain, sorrow, joy and love. When there is hate in the room I can feel that too; it has a strong energy. A lot of folks just need someone to be there and the empath friend is usually that person. We get drained carrying our energy around plus yours and whoever else we walk by at Wal-Mart or church or anywhere else. However, once I began to see it for the gift that it is I began to express gratitude for it and I began to use it to fulfill my purpose. When I discovered this about myself I also became a sponge for information about this gift and what it means to have it.

6. I’ve been able to gain strength in knowing that my purpose it to help people. I have just had to learn the hard way that you cannot push a rope uphill. You are no help to someone who rejects your help, won’t help themselves, meet you halfway or is focused on what they can TAKE from you. I have had to face the fact that I am NOT Jesus and everyone is not meant to be saved by me. 

Another reason it seemed natural to refer to myself as a Wildflower in my blog or to write as #theintuitivewildflower is that I have been saying since about 1995 that I belong among the Wildflower’s thanks to a Tom Petty song, Wildflowers.  It just touched my soul in a way that I don’t think any song ever had before or has again to this very day.  I always felt just like the song says, still do

“You belong among the wildflowers,

you belong in a boat out at sea.

Sail away, kill off the hours;

you belong somewhere you feel free….” 

It resonated very deeply with me as a Senior in High School,  I was making big decisions about my future, my career and my life within my own head. Meanwhile, my folks were also making their own plans for me. Eighteen is that age when you are ready to execute your independence and leave home but you are still a little uncertain about your ability and the opinions of those who love you most, still play a big part in your decision making.  

7. I wanted to declare at 18, that I knew who I was but I hadn’t yet embraced my authentic self. I also realize if I had, that I wouldn’t have been ready to fulfill my purpose the way I am meant to.  I would not have had the many life lessons that prepared me for my calling. My purpose was literally born from my pain, mistakes and hurt.  Therefore, when I finally mustered up the strength and courage to start sharing my story at 40, I had to get really comfortable with being uncomfortable.   When I realized that my message, my story and my pain were all part of my purpose; amazing things began to happen in my life! Empowerment came to me when I embraced the fact that there was a purpose to my pain and so I began to write about it and my healing process.

  The original blog title was  ‘Where the Wildflower’s Grow’ and was started partly to hold myself accountable to my personal growth after ending a toxic relationship; to keep my promise to myself that I would not go backwards in my life anymore!  It was a way for me to help heal myself, to get my voice back, to stay no contact with the ex and to help other women in similar situations begin to heal too. I had been held down emotionally for several years. I recognized the fact that I was in no way a model, public persona or public speaker. I knew  that everyone was going to see me at my worst if I chose to move forward with this and thankfully, the empowered me, dove in head first; knowing it was now or never!  I’ve discovered that the more I write and meet people through my blog; there are so many people in need of empowerment, inspiration, love and healing. They have a variety of hurts that I want to help or encourage to heal, then, find and fulfill their purpose. I can’t limit it to just one group or one type of trauma; I just know my purpose is to help people when needed in some kind of way and that is my “WHY” for continuing my Adventures of a Wildflower blog.

8.  Self-belief and recognizing that my story mattered was the result of choosing to focus on personal growth and healing!  I stopped noticing my flaws and noticed this new empowered woman I had become.  When I decided other people and their healing were more important than my frizzy hair, adult acne, crow’s feet and past; I evolved. I got closer to my authentic self and I started to shine!  I knew  that everyone was going to see me at my worst if I chose to move forward with this and the empowered me dove in, head first; knowing it was now or never!  This started to empower others.

It was the most major and empowering milestone move of personal growth, the day I started this blog experience! What I realize now, at 41 years of age, is this; growing up, it wasn’t that I was so different in anyone else’s eyes, I was the average, active, sporty type and participated in the usual activities youth are usually offered to choose from. I felt different within myself because I was always thinking so deeply and feeling so deeply everything around me. I asked questions about everything and remember thinking, as young as 8 or 9 years old, that my friends were just plain wrong for thinking “I don’t know” was an acceptable answer to anything I wanted to learn more about. I wondered why things that mattered to me didn’t seem to matter to anyone else. I was pretty confident and I’ll praise my parents for that. I wasn’t really an introvert early on, I was fairly outgoing and often comical if comfortable enough in the crowd around me. 

9. KNOW THYSELF- C.G. JUNG…. To be committed to learning and knowing who I am was the best advice I ever took. A good friend told me to do this the year we both turned 40, as we discussed our birthdays and the feeling that there was something that changed for us both then; we felt as if we wanted to chase whatever was missing! He recommended I take the Meyer’s-Briggs personality test to begin the process.  Now, knowing I am an intuitive empath and an INFJ, the rarest of personality types; it all makes sense! I now understand why I grew up feeling like the black sheep of the family or the big yellow daisy in the middle of all the dainty pink roses. Had I not discovered these traits about myself I may have mistaken them for anxiety or OCD or another mental health issue. On the contrary, I learned that I had been gifted these traits and they were directly aligned with my purpose and calling! I would never want to numb them.  

Lastly, my blog was created to prevent suicide and raise awareness for the need of empathy, compassion, understanding and acceptance regarding Mental Health Issues and Disabilities; to provide education, inspiration and a place to discuss these topics peacefully.

On my facebook page, you will see that I offer my time. I know what it feels like to feel different, misunderstood, judged or taken for granted, to be mentally drained from feeling so deeply and caring so much; also to fail more than once.  My time is for you: the other wildflowers that are always out there spreading sunshine and planting seeds of love in a hateful world. You are so strong but on weak day there is no one to give you sunshine or water to grow. It’s not because they do not love you. They don’t understand the depth of your love and kindness.  So whether you are drained empath in need of boost or an empath unaware that just read this and thought, maybe I’m an empath too. Maybe you are an eccentric free-spirited Wildflower in need of some sun; if you feel alone come here. You are always welcome and I promise to have something posted up to uplift, motivate, encourage or empower you to keep going every time you visit.

10. Putting a plan to purpose! It doesn’t matter how or where you start putting a plan to your purpose. Once you discover it, you will feel obligated to start practicing things towards fulfilling it. That’s just what you see me doing here!  I know what it is like to be so strong that no one would believe you could be weak! I know you need the kind of friend for YOU that you are to everyone else. I feel you friend, I do. If you need to reach out and just don’t know where to go…….come here! If my shoulder or words are not enough I will personally assist you in finding a resource that provides just what you need!

In the blog, I discuss the importance of positivity, self-development, business, healing, mental health and the healing power of music. As an amazon affiliate I share this link with you and you can find some of my very favorite resources, books and music pertaining to topics such as this! https://amzn.to/2DQKVc2my  

I hope you will follow along with me on these Adventures of a Wildflower as I just totally put myself out there in hopes to find some other wildflowers that need a garden​ to grow in; a safe place to come and recharge or relax so you can remember:

YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL, UNIQUE AND YOU HAVE A PURPOSE JUST AS SPECIAL; IN FACT, YOU WERE MADE FOR IT!  

Peace, good vibes and One Love,

Karyn Dee     #theintuitivewildflower

  Dedicated in honor of John Michael Dutcher

who was, without a doubt, a very strong and most beautiful wildflower with the most precious soul!

#theintuitivewildflower :  tumblr, pinterest, G+, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and linkedin