#i wasnt super happy with this tbh but whatever here it is anyway

[squipdop]

HIIIII CAN I ASK ABOUT THE SIX YEARS LATER AU???

Howd they bring up the junior scouts idea to max??? Was he like Whatever sure or super tsundere or surprisingly emotional that they wanted him back after he aged out?? Did anyone else come back or do special day-long visits like how schools bring in visitors? What does max think of the new kids? They all look so cool i love Max's hair!!!!

HI HI HELLO YES OFC!!! :33

Okay so. I call it the '6 years later' AU but technically i have Stuff Planned for all the time that passed between now and then too, so this'll be a bit longer, sorry!!

Max joining the counselor team was actually kind of a natural/gradual development?? Basically, since I can't make CC content that isn't found family Max has a shit home life, and, even if he hates to admit it at first, the three months of summer camp become his bright spot each year. David and Gwen catch on to that, but there isn't much they can do to help outside of camp - until one day Max (age 13/14ish) shows up on Gwen's doorstep because he ran away from home, 'since his parents won't care either way'. While he does return home after hiding out at Gwen's place for a weekend, this kind of kicks off a pattern of Max running away sporadically, to Gwen's, later David's, or his friends places. I could go into more detail here but. this is already long. oop.

ANYWAYS. So with Max spending basically all the time he can away from home and the summers at camp, once he ages out there's. A Bit of panic starting in him once summer gets closer again, because his Safe Place seems inaccessible, and two of his OTHER options, especially for longer stays away from home, would also be unavailable. Gwen and David notice this (it manifests in Max staying over More but Angrier) and try to find a solution. Gwen proposes the Jr Counselor idea. They introduce the idea to Max by kinda implying that workload around camp is a lot, and it'd really hurt to miss one of their most experienced campers, but... maybe, if he worked there too (well, interned. basically unpaid. but! no camp tuition!) he could help them? so they basically give Max a way to say yes without admitting that he's the one who needs camp the most. He does insult the whole thing ofc, and says like he's just doing it because he knows camp would burn down without him there ("actually, most of the fires we had were started by you...?" "shut it, david") but secretly he's really really happy. He might even thank them later that evening. Quietly. Before complaining about it preemptively. <3

WAH THATS ALREADY SUCH A WALL OF TEXT ok ill hurry up w the rest:

While most of the other campers had some rotations over the years, I don't have conk rete plans for most of them - Nikki and Neil are still Max' gang, and returned for multiple summers, if not all. This year though, Neil is busy with college prep, and Nikki is spending the summer at home because of family crisis. They still video call a lot, they're still The Gang. I have sketched designs for them, but I'm not quite happy yet.

Max at first doesn't take his role seriously, because he's basically just Back For Another Summer, but pretty quickly realises Gwen and David DO have expectations, and DO give him responsibilities. He takes a while to come around on his new relationship to the younger kids, and especially one of the youngest kids takes a liking to him, a very anxious young girl, which annoys him at first, but... well. It's a whole ~character arc~ for Max waiting to happen tbh.

OK THANK YOU IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR IM SORRY ITS SO LONG. i wasnt lying when i said i have So Many Thoughts about this. ANYWAYS as thank u for getting this far heres a doodle of Max putting up his hair. :3c

[katatty]

late Chloe/Nina Valentine’s fic for @tamtam-go92, haha

---

Nina had never been much of a Valentine’s Day person. Fluffy pink negligees, with her red hair? Not a good look. She couldn’t stand the teddy bears (what was she, five?) and just thinking about the candy and all those calories gave her diabetes.

Dina used to love Valentine’s, of course. She loved anything romantic, girly or blatantly consumerist. As kids she’d always rent out a bunch of romcoms and the twins would marathon them together, Dina sighing wistfully as she hoovered up a box of chocolates.  Even when she grew up, she was always in pursuit of that fairy-tale happily ever after...

Even after all these years, it still hurt to think about Dina.

But Nina had to try and channel her sister today. Prickly, rude and sarcastic as she was, Chloe was definitely a Valentine’s Day person underneath it all and Nina would need to make some sort of gesture if she didn’t want to look like a total bitch. But it was new territory for her, really. Like, as if she ever made any big, romantic gestures for Don? The very idea was laughable. But Chloe was different. They were going to get married, for God’s sake!

*** She decided to press her co-workers for ideas.

“What are you and Florence doing tomorrow night, Antonio?”

“Ah! We’re going to stay in and cook dinner together.”

“You’re giving her a cooking lesson?”

“No, no. She’s talented in her own right! Not as talented as you, my beautiful head chef. But her rose hip pasta is to die for.”

“Heh. I don’t think Chloe and me mesh too well in the kitchen. She always wrecks my tools! The force that woman uses with the kitchen knife, it goes blunt so quickly… and don’t get me started on the cast iron.”

Antonio sighed. “A true culinary crime.”

Brandi poked her head around the door. “Maybe you should go out somewhere! Me and Darren are going to the theatre. Oh, and the customer at table three wants vanilla ice cream for desert.”

“Coming right up! I don’t know, I guess that could work. We do both love an excuse to dress up fancy. It seems too formulaic, though. Shouldn’t we do something unique and special?”

“Eh. Sometimes the classics are the best!!”

The classics, huh.

***

Nina arrived home on Valentine’s night with a single rose. Was this too cheesy? Too cliché? She felt kind of stupid – there was no way she could pull off this traditional romantic crap.

But as soon as she presented Chloe with the rose her fiancée’s face lit up.

“For me? Babe!!! This is so cute.”

“I made us reservations at Londoste.”

“Oooooh, fancy! What’s the occasion?”

Nina raised an eyebrow. “It’s Valentine’s Day?”

Chloe’s expression was replaced with a look of horror. “Valentine’s Day??? Shit!! Why didn’t you warn me?”

“I assumed you knew! How can you forget? All the shops are full of Valentine’s crap.”

“I haven’t been outside much this week!” Chloe wailed, “I was watching Netflix.”

Nina couldn’t help but laugh. She’d been stressing out about this for an entire week, and Chloe hadn’t even remembered? “You’re hopeless, Clo. C’mon, let’s go get changed before the taxi gets here.”

“But babe! I haven’t got you anything!”

“You can make it up to me when we get home later...”

[neverdoingmuch]

now hear me out,,, an au where lan wangji is an editor who works for an erotica publisher and wei wuxian is essentially chuck tingle. (also lwj writes romance novels on the side)

wei wuxian didn’t plan to write erotica he wants to make that really clear, he was actually studying like biomed or something equally “oh wow my parents can brag to the other parents about this”

but, as frequently happens in wwx’s life, he got drunk with nhs, like really drunk and they woke up the next morning with a laptop on the floor beside them and loose paper strewn everywhere

they don’t really remember what they were doing or thinking last night but they’ve both drawn a bunch of really shitty and weird porn (the less said about the anthropomorphic version of wen chao’s pet turtle the better) and wei wuxian has like 20,000 words of an erotica story on his laptop

when he starts reading it, at first he’s like haha what the fuck this is so weird but then it turned out to be really good??? and nhs blushed at some of the ~sexy~ scenes so that’s how wwx knew he was writing the good stuff

anyway they’re sitting there, eating their hangover food and wei wuxian goes so uh my story was good right? and nhs is like yeah it was, top stuff i would buy it and wei wuxian goes what if i actually wrote it,,, haha just kidding,,,,, unless?

and in his defence he doesn’t actually write anything for the story for another like three months but then he finds himself in the middle of exam season and he’s like fuck it stress relief let’s write some erotica

he finishes the book and his exams (which he does well in but whatever) and then spends his summer holidays editing the book

when he comes back, he slaps down a paper copy on nhs’ desk and is like i finished it. nhs, thinking he meant his latest lab write up, opens it up to a random page and starts reading it out loud which was a Mistake

he trails off mid-sentence, and whips around to glare at wwx with all the wrath he can muster. it’s raunchy nhs says and just read it wwx tells him so nhs does

like 2 hours later nhs turns to him and says if it wasnt for you and the librarian staring at me the whole time i definitely would’ve felt something and wwx is like so it’s good? and nhs is like fuck yeah it is but i dont get what you want from me?

pretty much wwx passed out after exams, slept for like 20 hours and then woke up and went i should publish this and decided that nhs should draw the cover art.

nhs agrees of course and a month later wwx self-publishes bc there’s no way he can walk into a publishing house with his porn and not just combust on the spot and he decides to go by the name yiling patriarch

wwx clicks the final button to upload the fic and nhs just toasts him and goes yknow what,, this is the closest you’ve ever gotten to having sex and i’m proud of you

wei wuxian is the man who guarded his first kiss for the first twenty years of his life for someone special,,,, wwx definitely wants his first time to be special and there’s no way he’s putting out for someone he doesn’t think is important & despite having dated before, he’s never gotten close enough to someone to go yeah let’s do it so our boy is still a virgin

so wwx’s entire erotica writing inspiration comes from porn, nhs’ way too in-depth answers as to how his latest date went and uh more porn

wwx blusters about a bit bc how is he meant to respond to that and nhs is like maybe you’ll finally move on from reading those trashy romance novels and read something more exciting and wwx is like how dare you call them trashy!! hanguang-jun is a master of the romance novels!! he understands the heart in a way that no other person has ever!! 

and nhs just chugs a bunch of wine and is like yeah hon okay, do you still blush when the main characters hold hands? and wwx is like no! of course not! (it’s a lie, he blushes a lot)

so nothing really happens with the book at first and wwx forgets about it for the most part but then he wakes up one morning and he’s got an extra like RMB 1000 (i dont actually know much about currency so it’s roughly $200 if my quick interneting is legit)

wwx is like wtf? and once he finds out it’s from his novel he’s doubly like wtf? but then he finds out that someone had purchased his book and did a dramatic reading on youtube bc wwx decided that regular erotica was boring and decided to make it satirical or whatever and people loved it??

he’s got nothing better to do so he just goes hm yeah remember that Author i dated who had an “incredible idea that would absolutely amaze The Critics and helped explore his own convoluted mind” let’s make something of that and he writes another book kinda mocking that idea in a very horny way.

he publishes it and someone writes a review of his two books on their blog and now he’s actually starting to get popular - he’s got more money from those two books than he did by working at the local cafe for the whole week

wwx is poor and broke and semi-disowned anyway by this point so he goes fuck it and spends every moment he’s not studying writing erotica. 

he publishes another like five books by the time the year is out (i know the maths isnt working here but this is a book world where wwx can just do that via the power of loneliness and friends who egg you on)

also?? he varies his books. some of them are porn parody things a la chuck tingle and some of them are genuine porn and one book was just him writing a recipe book but making it sound as horny as possible

by the time he’s published his like 8th book or so he starts getting reviews that are critiquing his book and most of them boil down to the fact that he needs an editor or something 

he ends up asking nhs for help and he’s like oh sweet my brother’s boyfriend works for a publisher who does that sort of thing

cloud recesses actually specialises in erotica and i hate the idea that lqr has spent years reading and editing erotica but sacrifices must be made

(side note that i know nothing about the writing or publishing process so pls don’t judge me too harshly)

wwx goes in with his latest manuscript and ends up arriving like ten minutes late, he rushes into the room sweaty and hot, takes one look at the guy sitting on the other side of the desk, flushes an even brighter red and runs back out of the room. he checks the plaque on the door and walks back in slowly and goes hm i didnt expect you to be so hot

cue lan wangji

lwj has always enjoyed being an editor. what do editor do specifically? idk? edit? regardless, he enjoys it. 

while most of the time he’s happy working from this side of things he also likes writing

lwj fucks. he deserves it tbh. but, while he’s had a tonne of one night stands and fuckbuddies, he’s never actually dated someone. so the fact that he’s writing romance novels under the pseudonym hanguang-jun makes his friend jzx laugh a lot

he tried writing porn once and he just couldn’t do it. it was always too clinical or vague and lacked any actual passion bc he was always going oh okay mc sucks a dick but the guy i slept with last week was like a 6.4/10 when it came to sucking dick so maybe mc should also be bad at it or whatever and it just ends up falling apart,,,, but romance he can do

as an editor lwj has pretty high standards for good erotica but he’s really found himself enjoying yiling patriarch’s work even though he’s clearly just been editing himself so when the guy sent cloud recesses an email asking whether they’d be interested in his latest book lwj was ecstatic. 

he also didnt expect wwx to be so hot

anyway,,, we now get to enjoy a week of lwj thinking that wwx is super hot but even more annoying and then him deciding that annoying is hot and now wwx is just absolutely amazing and wwx is just panicking the entire time 

i want my publisher to rail me so hard wwx texts nhs and nhs just responds has he read the bdsm scene with the alien who has a tentacle dick and a knot yet? and wwx is like no??? nhs just goes shame, it will give him so ideas for if you ever grow a backbone and just ask him out

they publish one book together and nothing happened between them the entire time other than yearning and horniness,, of the heart and body. 

when wwx realises this means that he won’t get to see lwj again he immediately writes a new book and like a month later he’s back in lwj’s office, lying on his couch while whining about the cafeteria prices at university

lwj is very enamoured by the fact that wwx is writing erotica and studying biomed bc wow

they do this for like another three books and wwx’s eroticas evolve from here’s a dinosaur man fucking a politician while a mary sue watches on to be like here’s a dinosaur man with black hair and golden eyes and a stern look to his face fucking a politician while a mary sue watches on

and hanguang-jun’s latest book?? i dont want to say that this au’s version of wangxian is hanguang-jun finally finding inspiration to write porn (his muse is wwx of course) and writing the most amazing porn with feelings and plot novel ever,, but it is. 

wwx read it five times in the first week and when nhs finally tried to read it he was like uhhh wwx are you a narcissist, the love interest is exactly like you? and wwx is like ??? no???? he’s nothing like me??

anyway one day wwx gets called into lxc’s office and lxc is like so i’ve read your latest book (not the dinosaur man, a serious one with like normal people and not overly humorous thank fuck but still full of lwj yearning) and wwx is like okay? and lxc goes yes, see i was worried that you didn’t care very much for my brother but after reading your book i’m not so sure and wwx gets the weirdest shovel talk ever which is interspersed with like compliments for his porn writing skills

anyway lxc accidentally mentions that lwj writes books too and before he can take it back wwx is like who??? and lxc is like are you fucking stupid?? you told lwj to his face that you loved his books,,, he broke his theme of tender romance to write kinky sex with a character that’s a lot like you and wwx is like .,,,,,,,,, hanguang-jun??? HANGUANG-JUN???!!

lxc barely manages to confirm it before wwx is sprinting out of his office and across to find lwj.

regretfully for everyone else, lwj is in the lobby so thirty people get to hear it when wwx comes in and shouts LAN ZHAN!! back then, i really wanted write porn about you! ... i think i have actually? but i want to write porn about you and i want to be able to do the research to make it accurate! and i also want to go on dates and hold hands and feed each other food! and i love you a lot! 

lwj is dying inside bc his brother’s bf is there, his uncle is currently waiting for the elevators and a whole bunch of staff are also there but also wwx likes him??? dinosaur man was lwj??

he goes over and they make out for a really long time right there in the middle of the lobby but no one wants to get between them when they’ve been pining for so long

after that they start dating and they do all the romantic stuff but also,, let’s just say that the next book wwx publishes is a lot more creative than all of his previous books

and they become some writing power couple with horniness of the heart and body and sometimes wwx will be like hey lwj i don’t really know how the logistics of this sex scene will work and lwj will be like we could try it out ourselves? and wwx just pats him on the head and is like im sorry but you dont have enough dicks for it to work ),: better luck next time

[heyitsyn]

Complicated

Shirabu x Reader

a/n: im not very familiar with shirabu on a spiritual level like i am w the other characters but ill try my best!! 

request:  okok haikyuu hcs: shirabu is reader’s childhood best friend and messed up their last game in middle school because he changed his setting style to accommodate ushijima,,, and reader, as the manager is very very pissed and they get into a huge fight,,, so once they get to stz they’re academic rivals, reader became the vbc manager just to spite him (oh yea they definitely still have crushes on each other but it’s hard with the current situation) only if it’s ok!! not a lot of ppl write for him :

this is kinda the best friends-to-rivals-to-friends again-to-lovers

requests open!!

lets get our inhalers bc this finna be a wild one luvs

so, basically,

you and him were actually childhood friends since he lived next door to you

lets say you met when you were 5 and you just stuck on to this slightly cold and dismissive boy who was the shy type

idk bout you but i actually like that type

ppl dont really understand how yall got along bc you were the extrovert and the laughing type of girl

he only stuck around bc you were actually a smart person who helped him occassionally w your organized notes

but he still appreciates your time and efforts to be his friend despite his personality

plus, you also liked volleyball and together you both would watch volleyball matches in his house where you would see him with a smile that he unconsciously wears

like when yall were 8, you gave him a volleyball for his birthday since he lost his old one when he was playing by the river

at first, he was like, ‘oh, thanks, i needed this’

but then as he started tossing it up and down, you could see that bashful smile starting to surface

you shrieked, 

bc you rarely see it and you think its super cute,

and just wrap him up in a hug and he turns all shy again but with a soft smile and a soft blush

‘thanks, n/n-chan’

uh oh, feelings

stinky

since he mainly focused on doing homework or studying, not a whole lot of kids really approached him to hang out since they thought he only lived to study and play volleyball

but you didnt care bc youve been friends w this bun for a long time and you know hes not really like that

he has fun moments too

since you were the manager of the volleyball team, you always try to showcase how fun he was by trying to take the team to bonding places 

the team does think that shirabu has fun but only if its w you

anyways

one afternoon, you naturally just go to his house w him since your mothers know youre practically best friends and so you basically live in each others houses

yall were about halfway through middle school so shirabu has been studying more to get scholarships for schools

he was studying on the little table while leaning against his bed while you were just lounging on his bed after studying

‘ken-channnnn’

oikawa 2.0

‘hm’

you pouted at the distracted reply before sitting up and wrapping your arms around his shoulder from behind him and placing your chin on his shoulder

‘lets do something fun!!!! im boredddd’

he wasnt really fazed by the skinship bc youve been like that to him since day 1

but thats going to change soon

‘i have a new sudoku book over there that you could do’

omg what

‘ken-chan!’

you shrieked in betrayal before leaping off the bed and grabbing his arm to stand him up

shirabu was actually annoyed that you were distracting his studying but seeing a wide grin on your face made him double stop

am i,,,, catching feelings?

nah, he just going through puberty

‘lets go to the fall market! yuki-chan told me theres a new food place that opened and theyre handing out free samples!’

you excitedly told him and continued shaking his arm to persuade him in going

‘n/n-chan, this is my only free day from volleyball to study. i need to pass the test on friday’

you rolled your eyes at that lame excuse

‘i know. i set up the schedule differently bc you have a big test on friday! but you would still have time to study!’

‘but im still unfamilair with the topic-’

‘cmon, ken-chan! youre so smart you could rival buddha!’

‘i dont think,,,,, thats a right comparison’

‘either way, we’re going to hang out and have fun!’

he honestly didnt know why he was at this crowded market w you

shirabu is a whole simp

‘omg ken-chan! look! takoyaki!’

you dragged him to the stall and the nice old lady smiled before taking your order

‘1 box please. ken-chan, you want?’

he shook his head no and started taking out his wallet to pay

but you stopped him

‘no, you dont have to pay since youre not eating’

‘but i want to’

‘ken-chan! you need to save up for college!’

‘no its fine im pay-’

‘here ya go, dear. free of charge’

you both stopped at the nice lady’s sentence

‘b-but’

‘no it’s okay. its cute to find a boy who’s willing to pay for his girl since that doesnt really happen nowadays. i hope you have a great rest of your date!’

‘it’s not a da-’

‘thank you, maam’

shirabu takes the box and leads you out of there

you smirk and poke his tummy

‘you want to go on a date with me, ken-chan~?’

he turns red and looks away

‘no. it wouldve taken longer to fully explain the situation so just go along with it to make it faster’

you giggled

‘hm sounds fake but okay’

you both continue to walk around the market and even buy a few things like a mini buddha statue or a pair of cat ears for both of you

with everything you bought, shirabu payed with it all

you were pouting as you walked and he noticed so he nudged you with his elbow

‘oi, what’s wrong?’

you crossed your arms

‘hm.. i dont like that ken-chan is buying and spending money for me on things that symbolize our fun. i want to give ken-chan something to remember this day too!’

shirabu grows flustered but hes really confused

youve always been a thoughtful person who tries to be independent but unconsciously ends up depending on others like him

but your thoughts of wanting to do something in return for him just sounds like heaven right now

lmao what a simp

he looks around for a place that could have something that sparked his interest but nothing caught his eye

until he caught a photo booth by the corner

‘oi, n/n-chan, let’s go there’

you followed his finger and you gasped

‘thats perfect, ken-chan! let’s go!’

you drag him to the booth and you giddily enter the coins for the machine to start

but he was starting to think this wasnt a good idea

he was in a cramp space with you pressed against him

but youve always been glomped to his side since yall were kids so what was the difference now?

bc you catching feelings, fool!

‘ken-chan! its starting!’

he finally snaps out of his flustered state and he raises a peace sign with a smile

with all the pictures, there were funny pictures of you and him,

well mainly you

but he was happy to have them w you

‘ken-chan, you know i love you, but when will you fix your hair?’

he glared at you

‘i like it so its staying that way’

you giggled at his attitude

‘okay, ken-chan. at least it would make you stand out in the crowd so i dont have to look for you!’

you hugged his waist and he froze up, suddenly feeling awkward with this familiar position

its okay, shes naturally like this so calm down

dontcrydontcrydontcrydontcry

after your hang out, he didnt even bother going back to studying

he just laid on his bed, looking at the strip of pictures with a fond smile

he was happy that you only showed that true, bright, happy grin to him

it was only for him

and he only showed his to you

bc you were you and you were the greatest thing, next to his parents, that he has in his life

omg that thought

he freezes and the picture falls on his face at that realization

omg, does he like you?

youre a great friend and his best friend and he wants to be your friend forever

but then, he realizes

youd separate one day and youd have a boyfriend and get married and have a family without him

no, he wasnt going to let that happen

he didnt like that thought

and thus, began his crush for you

and you were the same thing too but you noticed it later than him

oof, when this one girl confessed to him at the back of the school, you cried to him when yall got home

‘when ken-chan has a girlfriend, he wont hang out with me anymore! hes not going to be my friend anymore!’

it took some reassurance from him and more from your mom, when you got home, to realize that you liked your best friend

and thus began the skinny love stage

the whole volley team knew of your pining and tbh, they thought yall were dating but you were just like, nah, we friends

if anyone were to look at you, they would think the same thing

but ofc, yall are insecure hormonal teenagers who think that the other doesnt like them and if they confess, they would be rejected and that would ruin their friendship and they would not be friends anymore and they dont think they could handle that so its better to keep the feelings hidden and remain friends bc if theyre happy, theyre happy

oml my entire love life

this continued on until the last year of middle school

bc not only do you suddenly stop being friends, you became rivals

so as volleyball manager, you helped the team with whatever they needed in return of them doing their absolute best and winning the game

the last game of the year, you were slightly confused at the way shirabu was playing bc it wasnt the normal way he sets

before, his sets were so good that he could give it to any player and they would spike perfectly

but now, it was so different due to the simple, almost lazy, and very high tosses

the team was slightly irritated bc they couldnt keep up with the high tosses so they couldnt hit it

in between the sets, during break, you pulled him aside as you wiped off his sweat

‘ken-chan, youre not setting properly to the others. theyre getting angry because it doesnt allow them to spike right.’

he glares at you, with almost manic eyes

‘its their fault for not being able to jump high enough. in order to get a point, the ace must get a high toss to aim a quick spike’

‘but theyre not able to jump that high, ken-chan!’

you whispered, worried that he was going too intense and they would lose the game

all the hard-work the others put in, all to waste

‘i dont care. i must start early and change early so ushijima could hit my sets in the future’

‘but they’re not ushijima, kenjiro!’

you whisper-yelled

‘right now, theres no ushijima, no oikawa, its just you and the team. your team’

he was shook that you used his first name and the way you were actually telling him off

youve never been like that before

but he was blinded by his goal in the future

‘why is he our ace if he couldnt even hit tosses meant for an ace?’

‘because hes not the ace you’re hoping him to be!’

‘kenjiro, listen to me, these boys have worked their asses off for years to even come close to playing against seijoh or shiratorizawa. im going to do everything i can to make that happen and im not going to let them lose just bc you are too busy focusing on the future rather than the present’

with the way he looked at you, you really thought he would listen to you and play the way his team needs him to play

but no, he played the way he thought ushijima needed him to play

in the end, due to the foreign and unfamiliar tosses, they were unable to hit as much points causing them to lose

you could never forget the looks on your fellow classmates, who were also going to graduate this year, as they watched the ball that shirabu tossed, hit the floor right next to them

to say you were pissed was an understatement

you were F U R I O U S ™

you held the hands of the first years as they were devastated at their first loss

but you caught the eye of your ‘friend’ and he was biting his lip in irritation and anger

as your team was walking to their locker room to get changed, you pulled shirabu aside

‘what the hell’

he stared at you

‘we lost. we lost bc they couldnt keep up’

‘kenjiro! are you not listening to yourself?! you lost because you couldnt accept the fact that your teammates arent ushijima wakatoshi! you couldnt accept the fact that they’re not tall enough! strong enough! ace-like enough! and for what?! for the future?! the future where you’re going to set for someone like ushijima?!’

‘i vowed to set for a player like him, y/n! i want to toss a ball to someone as powerful and as talented as him! thats a promise i intend to keep’

you were dumbfounded 

he was acting on his own reasons and selfish intent, even costing them a game, for his preparation in the future

‘i cannot believe you right now. i didnt know you were so selfish, shirabu. of all the years i knew you, you were never like this. so what changed?’

at the almost betrayed look on your face hurt him bc weren’t you always there to help him? to support him? wasnt that the reason you became a manager in the first place? 

‘you dont understand, y/n. i need to change the way i play now because it will greatly benefit me in the future’

honestly, you didnt even know why you were so angry about this

sure, it was volleyball and it was just a game

you had high school to win it again

but maybe it was the fact that he wasn’t being the shirabu you knew

the ken-chan you grew up with and harbored feelings for for years

he was turning to someone that worked not for himself, but for some guy he has never even spoken to

you blinked away the tears and looked off the side, away from his face

‘right. the future. yanno, if youre already like this, i dread to think about how you would act once you get that goal of yours. but i know one thing. im not going to be there to see it happen’

god that last sentence

he felt a piece of his world crumble bc were you saying goodbye? were you leaving him?

‘i cant see you torture yourself into changing into a new person, kenjiro. so good luck finding someone who can’

‘oh yea? well, i dont need you! i’ll be perfectly fine on my own and find someone better than you! youre easily replacable!’

that was a big booboo love

that fight costed him more than a decade of friendship and a few years of love

despite living so closely together, you refused to even acknowledge him and when your parents got together, you’d find some way to be out ofthe house or you’d lock yourself in your room

he tried many times to get to you and even cried to you, begging to not leave him

but you willed strong and you left him alone

omg she handled this so bad and i cant w puberting teenagers

eventually, he got tired of chasing you and was now angry at you for picking a team of people youve only met for a few years over him who’s been there for you since you were 5

he was betrayed, cold, and sad

however,

without each other to be there, you both studied even harder and eventually, you were both able to get into shiratorizawa

initially, you wanted nothing to do w that school since you knew kenjiro was going to be in it and that bastard ushijima wakatoshi was too

um,,, babygurl ushi did nothing to you

but your mother really wanted you to go to a nice school since she wanted you to go to a nice college

since yall werent friends anymore, he didnt know you wouldn’t be in shiratorizawa

so imagine his surprise when he saw you entering his class with the girls uniform on and a completely new hairstyle and hair color and were you wearing makeup?!

lmao she acting like they broke up

anyways, all he knows, is that boys were already looking at you and vying for attention and dear god, he didnt know how to handle that

for the first month of school, youd think you would just be ignoring each other like you did back in middle school

but nope!

somehow, yall were now talking again!

except it was a mean type of talking

you see, shirabu studied as much as he breathed and you were just a naturally smart sister who didnt study as much

but you still were able to make it to the top and currently, you were the 1st in your entire class

‘ara ara? 1st again? better luck next time, shirabu-kun~’

he glared at you from his seat as you passed by with a smug grin

this fueding is giving me vertigo

‘shut up. at least some of us work for our grades’

that was so weak lmao

but you turned around to blink your eyelashes, slightly mocking him

‘eh? are you saying that i’m naturally gifted? yanno, shirabu-kun, naturally gifted people are much better than those who have to work for it. you play with ushijima-senpai, right? so you’d know the difference between you two.’

bringing up ushijima always pained him but he kept repeating it to himself that he was doing it so that he could go to nationals

sensing his silence as defeat, you waved your hand and went back to conversing w your other friends

this continued on again for a while and he was already sick and tired of it

not only was it beginning to get annoying, it was beginning to hurt

he cornered you at your locker

aaaaa kabedon!!!!!!!

‘listen to me and listen well, y/n’

yessir im listening

‘whatever the hell youre doing, cut it out. youre not going to rile me up anymore and im not going to give you the reactions you want. i dont understand why youre doing this to me but you need to stop before i make you’

ohgodyessir

ngl, that tone of his voice was the lowest youve heard and it made you so red bc that was just hot

but you gulped before grinning wolfishly, hand pressed against his chest and the other snaking around his neck

you pulled him down to your level so you could lean close to his ear

‘now you listen to me and listen well, ken-chan, youre not my best friend anymore so you can no longer tell me what to do, kay?’

shirabu was just flustered at the close proximity between your lips and his ears that he completely missed your warning

he only snapped out of it when you walked away, heading towards your next class

you sat in class that day, wondering how to tease him more

clearly, just words wouldnt make him irritated

gurl why you doing this

and you were stumped until you saw a red-haired looking guy accompanied by a gray-haired looking guy coming up to you

ofc you recognized them from the volley team since you’ve,,,,,,maybe seen a few practices

you thought theyd just pass by but they stopped in front of you and you looked up w wide eyes

‘can,,,, i help you?’

‘wow shes cute!’

the red head shouted and you shrunk under the gazes of these tall men

‘sorry about him. im semi eita, second year’

you shook his hand and you introduced yourself before soon finding out this other guy was tendo satori

‘so what do you need me for?’

‘you see, we’re kinda in need of a manager. and i think its better to have a manager who is close to a player in the team. i apologize to say this but i saw you and shirabu-san by the lockers the other day and i think its best to have his girlfriend as our manager’

‘g-girlfriend?!’

you shrieked, shocked that they thought you were

at this mention, you got a flashback from the festival and you soon turned bright red at the label of you being kenjiro’s girlfriend

‘and youre so cute y/n-chan! i can see what our darling kouhai sees in you!’

‘no, you got it all wrong its-’

then you stopped

omg this was the perfect opportunity

no gurl stop jesus take the wheel

shirabu would hate it if you were a manager bc that would give you more room to tease him

holy

then you smiled

‘i accept, senpais. i want to see my baby in action after all’

they were ecstatic since it was a hassle to find a manager who wasnt infatuated w ushijima

you exchanged contacts and soon, you were brought to meet the team

oh boy when kenjiro saw you at the door, he dropped the ball on his head

what in the hell were you doing here

‘guys, this is our new manager!’

you peeked out from tendo and waved at them

‘hello, my name is l/n y/n, first year. and im glad to be your manager’

noticing shirabu’s shocked form, tendo and semi shared a look and interpreted as, hes so happy that his senpais chose his girlfriend for him so now he could show off and play better and that could hopefully turn his attitude to be more grateful and respectful rather than this dismissive and disrespectful behavior

but shirabu was dying inside

oh god, youre totally going to tease him during practice and hes not going to be at his best and hes not going to be able to prove himself to ushijima

‘oi! shirabu-kun! come be grateful to your senpais for letting your darling girlfriend as our manager!’

‘hey baby!’

omg, what

again, you have a loud and expressive personality so you were kinda shameless so you just ran up and hugged him

aaaaa this is so embarassing wth

‘didnt you miss me? oh, youre so cute!’

god, he knows youre only here to spite him

right on point, good sir

ugh you were practically teasing him as the manager and you were having so much fun making him all flustered

but he was also spiteful 

sometimes, he would stick his foot out whenever youd run towards a player and hed laugh at you embarassing yourself in front of them

youd return the favor by accidentally throwing his water bottle at his face

‘oh, gomen, ken-chan’

the entire time, the team was baffled to see the usual stoic and dismissive shirabu so freely laughing and actually teasing you

they think its just for good fun and not the aim of hurting each other since yall are dating and youre just flirting

combined w being academic rivals and now rivals during the team, you both were unintentionally becoming close again

the brutality was slowly simmering to a low heat

and turn the over on at 350 degrees

now, it was just to make each other flustered

the crush that you thought was gone, was slowly digging itself out like the zombies in plants vs zombies

and my god you were annoyed

from now on, you were nothing but rivals and a parasite on his side

him feeling the same

dating would cause too much and the hurtful words would eventually come back up and you concluded that you were just too different

you didnt conclude shit

one time, the team was walking from practice to a nearby convenience store to pick up food

ofc you were picking out a billion foods and you just shoved them all to his arms

‘my darling boyfriend would pay for it because he loves me. ya know what they say, make his pockets hurt’

he glared at you 

‘as far as i remember, i wasnt dating a pig’

ngl, that hurt a little bc hes calling you a fattie

but he still went up to pay for it and you intentionally bumped him with your hips to annoy him but it caused him to drop his wallet to fall

and out came his money and that picture

the picture from nearly 3 years ago

you bent down to pick it up before he could even move 

god, yall were so happy and young back then

it was awkward silent since you didnt give it back and yall walked out of the store and the team was sensing the weird vibe around you two

‘oi, what happened? its so tense!’

‘did you fight?’

‘did you get caught making out by the aisles?’

‘ong shut up, kai!’

yall kai is a third year senpai that i completely made up since we dont get insight on the senpais before ushijima

but the team noticed the weird aura around you two and decided to walk away to give yall some space

‘can-will you hand it over now?’

shirabu mumbled

you nodded and pushed it in his hands

‘why,,,, why do you still have it?’

‘you gave it to me. of course id still have it’

you were silent before coughing

‘can we talk?’

‘its about time we do’

yall walked away from the team towards your home but were taking weird turns and corners to prolong the walk

you looked up to see him and you laughed

‘this is ridiculous. its not fair’

‘what are you talking about?’

he whispered

‘i was so angry at you for saying that you dont need me and that you could easily find someone better because i knew that and i didnt like it. but i was so hurt that it came from your mouth. out of everyone, i would rather die than hear you say that to me. i think thats why ive been like this. i dont know, im being stupid. i was being stupid.’

he stopped walking and clenched his fist while glaring at the ground

‘you told me you were going to leave me. you were telling me that you wouldnt be friends with me anymore. i had to choose between you or volleyball and i wasnt at the right state of mind at that time so i chose incorrectly’

you noticed him not beside you anymore so you went behind him to rest your forehead on his back so he would see you since he preferred to be honest while not looking at you

‘ken-chan, we messed up big time, didnt we?’

his body shook as he laughed

‘i guess we did’

‘it was only over a game. i was so mean and dramatic and ive called you names and said bad stuff about you and im sorry’

‘im not innocent either. i said those words to you and im sorry’

despite slightly making up now, you both knew those feelings would have to wait because you were only getting each other back

‘can we start over, ken-chan?’

‘you want to?’

‘yes’

‘then we will’

omg the whiplash this is giving me

so yall are finally becoming friends and your families are relieved yall made up again bc wowza those dinners were torturous

‘now that they made up, we can go back to planning their wedding’

‘MOM NO!’

slowly but surely, everything has been going steady and your friendship was getting better

but you didnt admit to the club about everything bc again, shirabu was like, ‘i dont feel like explaining everything’

you both still kept a rivalry but it was friendly this time with cute wagers like treat me to milk bread or banana milk

tOOrU oIKaWA’s fAvoRiTE fOod iS MiLK bREaD

he came over often and studied w you and yall would end up actually just watching a movie or watching brain games, unconsciously cuddled up on the couch

however,

this new closeness was doing damage to your heart bc you were again reminded of how much you liked this boy

initially, you thought it would just go away and never be seen again but it said

sIKe biH!

every time you saw him, youd unconsciously sweep away a stray hair and fix it to his weird crooked style

but whenever you do that, shirabu would get a close view of your face and omg you were freaking beautiful

and thats saying something from a guy who saw you through your awkward phase

hes unconsciously touching you more and showing more affection, even more than when yall were young

just being w you was emotionally exhausting as he holds himself back from doing drastic things but he was over it

he was done with all the years of pining for you so finally found the balls to do something about it

you were over at his place to study for exams and he was coming back up with juice

you were slumped over your calculus textbook with your hair in a bun and glasses on wearing his clothes

god theyre practically dating already

‘ken-chan, come help me with this’

he nods and goes to sit behind you

with his tall height, he was able to look over your shoulder and place his chin on it and tbh, you were so frustrated w the problem you didnt care about the closeness

‘you misplaced a decimal so everything got all wrong’

he mumbled

you gasped and made a noise of agreement before changing your answer

he didnt move though, instead wrapping his arms around yourwaist

‘oi, n/n’

‘hm’

this is a familiar scene

‘wanna go to the market tomorrow?’

at the mention of the market you stopped and leaned back

oh god your heart leapt at the feeling of his chest behind you but you composed quickly

‘should we?’

you turned to gauge his reaction at your closeness but he gently smiled

‘yea’

‘okay’

you havent been back to the market together since that day and it was so nostalgic as you both did the things you did back then

from the takoyaki to the stalls

it was so fun

but your heart was beating so fast

his smiling face and thoroughly enjoyed face was doing palpations in your heart

you looked away to stop staring at him and found the photo booth

‘look, ken-chan! the photo booth!’

he chuckled at the thought

‘should we go get another one?’

‘yes! come on!’

you quickly inserted the money and shirabu had flashbacks

but this time it was going to be different

‘okay lets start!’

the first picture, it was a peace sign

the second one was a wacky one

but the next one, was different

‘oi y/n’

‘what?’

the shutter went off just in time of him kissing you

the bright light caused you to close your eyes and you soon forgot what was happening

all you knew you were kissing ken-chan

your best friend

turned enemy

turned friend again

and now,,, were you lovers?

this rollercoaster is quite loopy

he pulled away and rested his forehead against yours

‘im sorry if-’

‘no balls, do it again’

and this time you lunged back for another

and again, this time, not only did you give him another photo, but you also gave him your heart

la fin.

yall what did i just write

[cattles-bians]

Damie Vibecca exes AU part 4

post directory

[em note: this one is LONG i had to split it!!!]

obsetress: deflecting to viola protecting becs

obsetress: once they are dating

obsetress: and thinkin thoughts

em: viola asks rebecca if she wants to put a hit out on peter and rebestiecca is like????

em: that’s hot but

em: u can do that? also maybe don’t. but mostly that’s hot

obsetress: i was literally gonna say peter is still her ex and he's a persistent fucker even though it's been a year at least and viola's response is... not far off from canon!

obsetress: becca just stares at her for a minute and then she's cupping viola's cheek and murmuring "come here" and pulling her down

obsetress: they're like kissing or whatever and rebecca's murmuring "that was hot, you know" between kisses and viola's like "oh?" and becca's like "don't be cheeky, you know it was" and vi just grins against her mouth

em: I’m Really Invested In This Crack Ship

obsetress: ok but rebecca tells jamie and dani about vi offering to put a hit on peter and they're both understandably and reasonably aghast and rebecca's just like (takes a sip of wine, ducks head, smiles to self) i think it's sweet

obsetress: dani and jamie look at each other out of the corners of their eyes

obsetress: (later, dani agrees how absolutely out of line it is but also admits that it sure does feel nice to be so taken care of sometimes)

obsetress: (jamie throws a pillow at her)

obsetress: also thinking about secret soft vibecca are sometimes and how horrified dani and jamie are the first time they see it with their own eyes

em: jamie and dani excessive PDA queens get a taste of their own medicine

em: it’s so funny that i’m like. always on the verge of viola horny posting but as soon as it’s vibecca i’m like look at these babies. these beautiful babies

obsetress: viola and rebecca kissing one (1) time at brunch and jamie, arm slung around dani’s shoulders, is like “oi, no one wants to see that” and dani, leaning into jamie, one hand in her lap, crinkles her nose and rebecca’s like “y— you’re kidding, right?”

obsetress: also like. we talk a lot about what vi does for rebecca but also like

obsetress: vi massive abandonment issues and rebecca just

obsetress: she just stays

em: ur gonna Kill me here lies em

obsetress: i know i didn’t mean to and then i just

obsetress: i can’t think too hard abt them or i will Melt Down but just like

em: look if rebecca can see the best in someone as awful as peter

em: viola isnt nearly as terrible

obsetress: esp vi post dani like

obsetress: she’s obnoxious and haughty and neoliberal but

obsetress: radical love goes a long way!

obsetress: rebecca grounding her thru touch and rebecca slipping her hands around vi’s and easing them loose when vi’s hands start to clench and rebecca just pressing a kiss to viola’s temple and murmuring “i’m here, yeah? with you. not going anywhere”

em: like i just think after eddie dani wouldnt like, just go w the flw any more. like i think abt her challenging viola occasionally

em: lovingly! gently

but like, holding her accountable

em: also violas absolutely little spoon

em: like i know blah blah viola top rebecca top leaning switch but viola little spoon

obsetress: “actually viola” (vi always knows she’s in trouble when dani calls her viola) “that was really hurtful” “i’m sorry you feel that way, dani, but—“ “i don’t need you to be sorry for how i feel. i need you to show me you’re sorry for what you did”

em: dani calls vi the Full Name and viola knows shes in trouble bc thats at least 4 extra vowels w danis midwest accent

em: it is always v surprising how much like, working w kids equips you to work w adults. b/c at least w kids you dont have layers and layers of social nuance to work through. u can just say 'hey. that was hurtful and your apology sucks'

obsetress: meanwhile dani’s over here trying to explain to vi intent vs impact and how no, it’s not semantics or nuance, it’s actually kind of a chasm

em: i kind of love like um. look viola is terrible but she wasnt born terrible

obsetress: she just has a lot to unlearn

em: and id belive that even if i wasnt a ghostfucker thats just rogers theory of self actualisation babyeee

obsetress: dani viola big fight n dani's like

obsetress: "i'm sorry and i love you but it's not my job to fix you, vi" and she just breaks down and she's like "it's not"

obsetress: jesus why did my brain take THAT turn

em: wrow

em: its ok i was gonna be like 'so they obvs break up at some point....'

obsetress: anyway viola just stares at her for a second and then she's like "you put the 'i'm sorry' before the 'i love you'"

obsetress: and dani just stares at her for a long time and she's like "yeah. i guess i did"

em: HANNAH

em: BESTIE

obsetress: i KNOW what the FUCK

obsetress: anyway dani's like "i guess i did" and vi's like "is that it then?" and dani just looks at her with her puffy eyes and is like "i think so"

obsetress: dani clayton queen of saying "i love you" over and over in the midst of breaking up w someone

em: well! she has a lot of love to give but, she also has to love herself sometimes!

em: i was thinking abt scenarios n i just remembered that. whole video rental shop thing so i think that slots in nicely

[em edit: u can read here]

obsetress: god i love that lil scene

em: dani sends viola a tentative little meme peace offering and they get back to talking and its nice but maybe a bit awkward and viola mentions like, going to therapy and seeing someone for help n its

obsetress: vi's stewing on "i can't fix you" for weeks and then she's begrudgingly. BEGRUDGINGLY calling a therapist

em: like its still awkward and dani is still nursing some wounds but she can ALSO be happy for someone she used to care about

em: still cares about!

obsetress: she's always gonna love her in some way or another

obsetress: but yeah also like. smth to viola being too stubborn to do anything she doesn't wanna do except suddenly when dani clayton gets involved and that feels p canon in its own way too

em: 'i cant fix u' weird bc every time i see viola im like 'i can fix her'

obsetress: it's like ur in my head bestie

em: how do u think viola and rebestiecca met

em: not that u think abt it or anything

obsetress: MAN i was just thnking

obsetress: in this universe how did dani and jamie meet but i guess it can still just be bly tbh

obsetress: as for vi and bestiecca hmmm

em: am so caught up in the joy of fucked up interpersnal dynamics i forgot a meet cute

obsetress: honestly part of me wants to be like

obsetress: on some dating app but a dating app for posh people yk

obsetress: but then i'm like

obsetress: that takes all the meet cute fun out of it

obsetress: oh GOD

obsetress: i got it

obsetress: ready

obsetress: so like viola landlord we know this

obsetress: and then i was watching whatever ep three the other day and bex mentions wanting to do public law right

em: oooooh

obsetress: bex public housing attorney

em: OOH

obsetress: they meet at some conference

obsetress: hit it off prob fuck lbr

obsetress: and then

obsetress: comedy of errors

obsetress: whoever stays the night, they sleep together again in the morning, breakfast in bed, bex is like "so what do you do, anyway"

em: hjgbjshmdnfbmngbmhnbgs,hndg m,shndgds

em: YES

obsetress: and then they just

em: WHEEZES

obsetress: also i like to think rebecca invites vi back to her hotel room and vi is so charmed by her taking charge ("""taking charge""") that she lets her

obsetress: and then like

obsetress: god for a while what if they just like

obsetress: they're so mortified and morally and fundamentally at odds but like

obsetress: the sex is so good???????

obsetress: that they keep just meeting up and then

em: romeo and juliet situation

obsetress: yk how it goes

obsetress: the sex is good and they see each other as like

em: thats so fucking good thank u hannah

obsetress: super rare intellectual equals whatever

obsetress: thank u i am exceedingly proud rn

obsetress: honestly at this point i'm

obsetress: rebecca and vi uhaul change my mind

obsetress: like not too quick because isabel but, quick enough to be considered

em: so the joke is like. obviously 'extremely pda damie' but when rebecca and vi are alone they Also cannot get their hands off each other

obsetress: they both just. worry about appearances too much meanwhile

obsetress: tweedle dee and tweedle dum in the overalls and mom jeans dgaf

em: accidentally seeing ur friends compromised is just part of the package of being friends w damie. however jamie accidentally catches vibecca in the act and shes Horrified

em: hypocrits

em: danis like yeah what do u. think theyre doing

em: dani is nonchallant bc shes dated viola of all people

obsetress: i mean could you imagine

obsetress: between vi and dani's just

obsetress: insatiable libido

em: HADNT IMAGINED UNTIL NOW BUT YEAH

obsetress: dani, very seriously: jamie, when two women love each other––

em: dani likes dating jamie bc it means she can top occasionally :) maybe even more than occasionally

em: jamies like ooh my god i knw i know how are u so casual about... rebecca... and ... viola... (dani just pulls her in fr a smooch)

obsetress: they have each other's clothes half off and dani's like "i'm so casual because i dated her too, babe" and jamie's like "can we not have this conversation right n"

obsetress: also i still have this on my clipboard from earlier we bopped around so fast but

obsetress: vi and bex hooking up early on:

obsetress: rebecca knocks on vi's door at, like, 6:00 pm after work, vi opens it, rebecca just grabs her and kisses her, vi pulls her in, becca kicks it closed behind her, vi shoves her against the door and they're kissing against it, then vi's ducking her head to kiss along rebecca's neck and rebecca's like "how many people did you evict today" as she angles her head and then viola's finding her lips again and tugging at her lower lip with her teeth "probably not as many landlords as you shortchanged today" and rebecca's laughing and pushing her backwards down the hall as viola tugs at her blouse

em: GOD. viola is probably like

em: ok, disclaimer: fuck all landlords

em: but at least in this fantasy world perhaps viola is 'fairly' 'reasonable' n shes absolutely playing it up for the hate sex angle n rebecca Maybe Assumes shes lying but

em: stupid morons in love

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: i think i've mentioned this before but like

obsetress: now that it's more fleshed out

obsetress: then they're at drinks one night (and when did it go from just sex to drinks? neither of them could tell you) and viola's kinda quiet n moody (n rebecca already knows she Gets Like This sometimes and that she'll usually say whatever she's thinking eventually) and finally she's like

obsetress: "i have... a daughter" and rebecca's just like "tell me about her" like it's the easiest thing in the world

obsetress: and viola's head snaps over and she stares because she was.... not expecting that

obsetress: and so viola does

obsetress: and rebecca's just like "i'd love to meet her one day"

em: soft.....

obsetress: they always turn back to soft

obsetress: like they have a fuckin mind of their own

em: rapidly oscillate between horny and soft

obsetress: that's the mood

em: violas probably like. yknow, rebecca's young and up and cming n she probably assumes rebesticca isnt interested as something as full on as a kid but shes like 'do you have any photos'

obsetress: fuck!!!!!!!!!

em: rebeccas like do u think i didnt. see the photos at ur apartment lmao

em: theres a childs drawing on the fridge

obsetress: rebecca has known almost from the jump but was

obsetress: giving viola her time

obsetress: also smth smth giving her time instead of time wearing her away etc etc we're all in hell

em: cracks knuckles

em: bestie....

obsetress: pls

obsetress: it's what i deserve

obsetress: first tho

obsetress: consider

obsetress: the way viola's face lights up when she's talking about isabel and showing rebecca all the pictures

obsetress: hold pls

em: soft......

obsetress: this one chief

obsetress: right here

[aprito]

hello <3 since i got these asks at the same time i decided to combine my thoughts on them in this post. yet another annoying sjw essay from yours truly on this blog 

before i get into these i think i need to preface why im like. i guess overly hyperfocused on a certain unproblematic base (same age au / platonic canon) for them and avoid the ped0philic content like the plague lol

tw for pedophilia ment, rape ment if that makes you squicky. ALSO THIS IS LONG AND RAMBLY

as i’ve mentioned a couple times already, ive been into the ship since i was 12, back when it was very very common to not only post untagged (nsfw) canonverse content of the two in writing and in drawing but also non con and the like, so you can imagine how bad my first impression online was. thinking back on it ...as a child i found it disturbing but didnt really register how problematic it really was?? (i know, but i also lived in the middle of nowhere and had no one explain this to me) 

skip to 2014 aka me coming back to naruto at 17ish and i had kinda become hyper aware of the fact that there was an increasing amount of people online who had come forward with explaining how fictional problematic content, mostly pedophilia, had been used to groom them into starting relationships with adullts. it was also a time where a lot of people didnt believe these victims, not registering how common it was for minors to be online friends with adults who had no boundaries and no qualms exposing them such content. not gonna get into my personal life here but i was lucky to not having gone through this myself. like... it kinda was my first time truly realising how fiction can EASILY be used to manipulate others irl (and yes i will not argue this, if you dont think fictional media can form and manipulate people’s opinions on attitudes, countries, cultures and virtues, pick up a book about the effects of propaganda media at least once please) 

i, being young, still liking the dynamic but not really the romance, would point this out here and there in the fandom and get into fights with grown adults in their mid 20s who assumed i automatically hated the ship(s) and tried to restrict their freedom of speech or whatever, heard everything from the “age of consent doesnt exist in naruto” to the “sasori looks like a child what does it matter” despite people clearly playing on him being older and experienced. it made me so upset that people were just consuming all this content uncritically and exposing children to it tbh?? not really just sos but a lot of minor/adult ships in naruto in general. and thats where i sat down and thought, i do not want to be a grown adult talking down to children that point out how unsafe the fandom is. theyre absolutely right in drawing these boundaries and calling out adults who defend the uncritical consumption and creation of this content. i do not want to consume or create content that predators could use to groom minors, and i absolutely do want to let younger people in fandom know that i am respecting their comfort zones and want them to have a safe and fun experience. after all, naruto is not an adult show and i think a lot of people forget that!!!! i am not perfect in that regard but its something that i, at the age of 23, am very passionate about and strive towards to.

and i guess thats where same age au was born for me and i have been sticking to it ever since. 

so finally we can move to the first question 

aside from the fact that we both dont like canon sos, i dont think it would work out even if i wasnt prejudiced to it anyways. in all honesty, 35 year old canon sasori is not a redeemable character to me, given the fact that he’s easily amongst the cruelest villains in naruto (torturing and killing and taxiderming people for his own fun personal gain, never for a goal that served anyone but himself. how do you redeem having over 300 corpses in your backpack that you felt absolutely no remorse for killing). sasori was legit one of the only cruel villains that didnt had someone else pull the strings, which sends a clear message on kishi’s part, who absolutely loves to redeem villains LOL.

being that old, he obviously had already been very manifested in what he believed in, even if it was shakey, to the point where the first crack in that world view (sakura and chiyo protecting each other) immediately had him give up on his life all together. that, in my opinion, is not a man who’s going to know what healthy relationships would look like, regardless of it being romantic or not. 35 year old sasori to me has the same appeal as an expired can of tuna and he’s probably very happy 6 feet under. he’s supposed to be a failed gaara in that sense that he had no one to look out for him and therefore was never going to experience anything but a bad ending in life. its fine that hes dead honestly, it wraps up his short character development the best IMO.

adding to that, seriously, sakura was obviously interested in knowing why he was that way, and called him out for being seriously fucked in the head, but it’s weird to me that people assume she had any interest in actively rehabilitating him, let alone starting a serious romantic relationship with him. sakura who’s not only very, uhm, immature and straight forward when it comes to her romantic viewpoints also, as a big bootlicker, wouldnt soil her standing in the village by starting anything with a disgraced and far too gone criminal like sasori. shipping that version of sasori with sakura intimately is still going to set her up for a huge power imbalance that would be difficult to handle imo, even if she was the one in the fight ultimately exerting her power over him. i would still look at it and think damn she deserves better than having to play therapist for man like that lol.

additionally, even if you ignored all of this, you cant really ignore that sasori had already known her as a child, and that had been his first and most impactful impression of her. i dont think that sasori would look at 35 year old sakura and see her as a grown woman and not the little green girl she was in the fight. plus, you easily fall into predatory comparison territory between the “childish” and “womanly” and i have seen way too often in fic just being boiled down to her now being fuckable. a lot of of ships do this and i would just like to remind yall thats it not normal for adults to want to start relationships with children they have seen grown up or known as a child when they themselves were fully grown adults. therefore, maybe if sakura hadnt met sasori before it would be less of a problem? but that also obviously defeats the point of the dynamic and the reason he died in the first place. so yeah, it sounds kind of doomed especially if you were to make it romantic. 

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE SECOND QUESTION

let me preface this that im not fundamentally against age gaps, even if im not super interested in it. after all, colorblind had a 5 yr age gap (with sakura being 21), even if, say, i wrote similar fics today i probably would make it smaller lol. i think it can be handled well if both parties have enough life experience to deal with it, and the author is cautious of where the age gap starts, i think a 10+ year age gap would be fine in a scenario where the younger party (i guess sakura) was at least 25-27ish, meaning she has completed most of her most formative life stages and probably had been in relationships before, meaning she would be able to handle it without having to fear a huge power imbalance. the older the younger party is the less the age gap is going to matter tbh .TsukiHoshino and AngelOfDeath10 both handle age gaps in their fics really well imo, so i do not mind reading about them.

unfortunately, a lot of people in this fandom think making sakura barely "”””legal””””” (18, not even 20 which is hilarious to me because the source material is obviously japanese) because they both cannot stand her being past her “prime years” of being young fertile and fuckable to much older men as well as thinking a 20 year old is automatically old enough to handle that type of relationship. ive seen a lot of unironic takes that believe it will absolve them of callout posts if they throw around age of consent and “shes 18 now suckers!!!” enough lmfao. absolutely hilarious. aging a minor up without aging the adult down seriously reeks of predatory “cant wait until youre 18″ narratives and thats why i find it similarly disturbing as straight up pedo shipping.

ultimately, sasosaku is and will always be a inherently problematic ship in canon, which is why i think it should always be handled a little more responsibly in fandom spaces, ignoring or outright excusing the main problem factor, which is sasori, isnt going to convince anyone that the dynamic in itself is well written and interesting enough to explore in aus, like giving sasori the redemption most of us wanted him to have by aging him down to a point in time where he was still realistically going to allow being positively influenced, similar to gaara. 

so really, what i think is well handled age gap and how most people handle age gap in the naruto fandom are two different worlds at times lol 

tl;dr

canon shippers have never been anything but gross when i was younger and i didnt wanna be like that, even if youre “smart”enough to differenate, actual creeps dont really care and might use your content to blur the lines, sasori isnt rly redeemable so romantic canonverse realistically wouldnt make much sense and is still iffy, age gaps are fine if they are handled well, but given that the dynamic doesnt really need the age gap to still work im not that invested on making that an essential part of my shipping experience.  

thank you for reading and hope this makes sense!

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

(submission) what are your thoughts on dan convicing serena to stay on the ues in s6? i hate that and i thought it was very out of character for dan (yes even for evil!dan) considering how dan was to jenny in 4x06, the fact that dan never stopped loving her (lmao, i get why blair would want serena to stay even knowing that it would better for her to leave but dan? if he truly loved her, why would u make her stay in that shithole???) and how important it was for serena and their relationship that dan wasnt from the ues and was different from its society (like serena said: WHY THE HELL would she stay or listen to him considering that place turned dan to “Bart Bass” lol) 

sorry, i ranted for too long. i would love to read your opinion. 

hmmm. honestly, i haven’t thought about this too much, mostly because analysing dan in s6 feels extremely redundant (evil!dan and all that.) i don’t think he loved her, i think he just sort of needed her because she was all he had left, and i think in that context it makes sense for him to ask her to stay (but it’s evil.) tbh i found it more creepy that he hung out with bart bass and used his friendship with bart bass in order to buy a flat in an “elite” apartment that wouldn’t have given him that house to live in otherwise, just so he could be serena’s neighbour. like, that is joe-level of creepy, and that is not dan. serena was like, done with him, and dan was like, sike! we’re neighbours now! 

i think that’s sort of the crux of evil!dan, in the sense of like. evil!dan needs serena. evil!dan cannot function without serena. evil!dan made all his other friends hate him, evil!dan hates his family. serena is all he has. serena is the only person he needs. he would do anything for serena. there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for serena. even if she’s explictly told him to stay away. he’s obsessed with her! this characterisation of dan really pisses me off; it makes even less sense than s5 serena (& that’s really saying something) and when people act like dan was ALWAYS this character i’m just like *blinks*. like, did we watch the same show? s1 dan would kill s6 dan with a knife to the neck.

ANYWAY. i didn’t think dan convincing serena to stay was super out of character. he was at this point where she was the only positive thing in his life, and he was ~evil~ on top of that. *halsey voice* he couldn’t stand the person inside him so he turned all the mirrors around. but serena made it better.

a more generous interpretation of that gesture…. i’ve got one. so bear with me a bit while i just, give context i guess.

serena leaving the ues wasn’t like, a “i’m going to follow my heart, i’ve always wanted to leave.” it was an “i hate who i’ve become, i hate what i feel, i hate everything this place symbolises, i’m going to run away.” it’s not unlike the first time she leaves, pre-season 1. the fact that nate & blair don’t know that she’s leaving i think is the BIGGEST tell. 

if serena was really leaving because she thought it’d make her happy, wouldn’t she tell nate & blair? nate wants serena to be happy, he wouldn’t stop her. blair, too, would initially be like :( but she wouldn’t force serena to stay if she could see that serena would truly be happy elsewhere, as long as serena keeps in touch and all that. serena leaving wasn’t self care; it was a trauma response, in my reading. she just snapped, and couldn’t take it anymore. 

and in that context, i think dan asking her to stay (bear in mind, i’m thinking regular!dan, dan my son, not evil!dan) makes sense. it could be in the context of, ‘you ran away once, serena, and when you got back you had to rebuild everything. if you really want to leave, i support you, but you should plan. you have to take care of yourself, and leaving like this is not taking care of yourself. this city has been cruel to you, but all the people who love you are here.’ i feel like dan would encourage her to think on it. not to just leave at the drop of a hat. but to spend a few days just making a plan. deciding on what she wants. and if she still wants to run away without telling a soul, then he’d let her. but i think he would encourage her to stop and think.

so yeah, my tl;dr response is basically: i think it was in character for evil!dan to beg her to stay and all that. he wanted her to stay for him. but were dan not evil, i think he would’ve still asked her to think over it. i think regular!dan would’ve wanted to know that whatever decision serena was making was a choice that was right for her. he would’ve made her reflect. and if she still wanted to leave, he would’ve let her go.

[mousehole5000]

tgcf chapters 107 - 120 this is one where i give some Opinions. i do overall like hualian a lot but i have some quibbles

wait why am i still taking screenshots? i can copy/paste again afskldfjasad

It really was hard to tell whether people would feel happy after watching such performances. However, in truth, slaughter and the sight of blood did create excitement in people. Whether or not there was fear, after the initial shock was over, a rush of adrenaline would be produced in the heart- me watching horror movies

“Shi Qingxuan said. “Then, Your Highness, Crimson Rain Sought Flower! I order you to—to immediately strip each other’s clothing!” - djslkadjlsd WHY DID HE SPECIFICALLY SAY THEY HAD TO STRIP EACH OTHER THISALSKDJ is this a normal thing is it a wingman attempt what is happening

“I’ll tell you what it is,” he said softly. “To watch with your own eyes your beloved be trampled and ridiculed, yet be unable to do anything. That’s the worst suffering in the world.” ... “Ming Yi asked, “What’s the biggest regret of your life?”- when truth or dare gets a bit too real

On the side, Hua Cheng was still only observing, and was already bored to the point where he’d changed back into his red robes. Then he changed to black robes again. Then to white robes. Almost every time Xie Lian looked back, he would be donning a different appearance, and with every new look there were different hairstyles, and different accessories, and different boots, and so on; sometimes playful, sometimes elegant, sometimes deadly, sometimes glamourous. Xie Lian was growing dizzy from all the colours and kept looking back, unable to look away. - THIS ISNT THE TIME HUA CHENG. YOURE PRIMPING. THE WINDMASTER HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED AND YOURE PRIMPING

obsessed with xie lian not being able to figure out to use the windmaster’s fan and just. using it to SMACK

also windmaster??? whats going on??? :( i know some things from spoilers like who is not to be trusted but i really have no clue whats happening rn

anyways back to puqi shrine lets check on those kids also can we PLEASE get some funds for this restoration smh. hua cheng and xie lian doing mundane hard labor together to fulfill prayers.... :pleading:

jailbreak in the heavens 2: dig a tunnel

Sure enough, the moment Ming Yi put pressure on his shovel, a hole opened up before them. With the shovel raised, he burrowed crazily ahead while Shi Qingxuan, in the middle, cheered him on crazily. As the only non-crazy person, Xie Lian brought up the rear. That treasured shovel of the Earth Master was indeed magical, and with only a few strokes, a new tunnel of over ten meters was dug. - anybody remember mulch diggums from the artemis fowl series? this is much more dignified than that but i think this is only the second time ive read a character just starting digging a tunnel as a plot point

okay so much is going on i wish i hadnt spoiled who certain characters actually are for myself but i have no one to blame but me for a) not blacklisting spoilers at all and b) just having a little freefall through the tags. oh well. anyway heavenly college admissions scandal except way worse. the corruption extends to the heavens and the windmaster is having a very bad day

i guess we’re having a high seas adventure now?

im gonna keep it real im getting tired of how often we get told how handsome hua cheng is. i know its all xie lian’s pov and while im not terribly familiar with it i know what genre we’re working with and im assuming thats pretty typical. its something i dont much care for in general and idk maybe it sounds better in the original but ngl its starting to make me roll my eyes. love you goth king but god okay we get it.

i guess what i will say about hualian so far is that overall i like them and i like how they interact in general they have a lot of nice moments and they just genuinely seem to like each other which is really nice to see EXCEPT for when it actually comes to things that could be romantic or sexual which is a shame bc i dont think it has to be like this. again disclaimer that im only reading a translation and dont know everything might not have all the knowledge necessary to accurately criticize etc etc and im assuming a lot of this is expected from the genre (disclaimer to this disclaimer that i cant say that for sure its just based on things ive picked up about the bl genre over the years) but idk like xie lian was so distressed after their underwater kiss scene. it was kind of uncomfortable to read and maybe im being unfair i know his cultivation is based around abstinence or whatever but idk i dont care for it. and that scene alone doesnt have to be a bad thing like idk i guess its his first kiss ever (?) and it would make sense if he feels weird about it but i just have my doubts thats going to be addressed or resolved in a satisfying way. also im like. dude everyone is like centuries old. xie lian’s been on earth for 800 years. has he really never met or heard of a gay person during all this time? maybe he hasnt idk what he got up to yet maybe that’s actually a thing. also same thing with the reactions from the immortals to xie lian in a dress and characters like the windmaster like again you’re all centuries old and its not uncommon to be able to just completely change gender presentation. why are you all weird about a man wearing a woman’s dress? i just feel like that shouldnt be a big deal to these characters idk

also again not going to lie part of this that im not really a big fan of reading romance in general. yes i am reading this book. yes i do read and write a lot of fanfic that includes or centers romance. im multifaceted. but really what im talking about is the like physical side of it and descriptions im extremely picky about it. ill give an example. early on in the torture pit (or whatever it was called i cant remember lol) when xie lian kind of accidentally felt up hua cheng in the dark when he was being carried. i dont think thats a bad thing to have happen between the two romantic leads i think thats fine and good to include that early but i just did not enjoy reading it when it happened idk maybe it was the wording and i do think that moments like these work better in a visual medium. ive definitely read het romance that reads like this and i wasnt a fan of that either lol same with fanfic i get tired when writers go on and on about how hot one characters finds another character. this isnt a huge criticism of it like i said im picky but again like with the way that hua cheng is described it just makes me roll my eyes sorry kings

okay back to the reading. this whole saving the fishermen thing feels like a big set up for something narrative-wise. hua cheng specifically insisted on coming and i know one of the characters involved ends up dying im wondering if thats now it would be a good time tbh if things get just a bit too unfortunate during this heavenly calamity... and the brothers are notably not having a harmonious time... also tho it feels very likely we’ll just have another Hualian Moment (tm)

In such a situation, Pei Ming still acted the same. In the evening, when they rescued a few fishermen girls, so scared their eyes were blurry from tears, he held them in his embrace and soothed them with a gentle voice; a true show of honeyed romance, affectionate and charming. - pei ming please get pickled again.

also its funny that hua cheng is just kinda hanging out and everyone else just has to deal with it

Looking down from above, the entire area was painted in a terrifying black. It was easy to see the collision between the two different-coloured currents. Their fierce battle was what formed this enormous whirlpool. As the eye swallowed the ship whole, the two currents of water separated. However, the battle was far from over. Like two venomous vipers, they continued to snap at each other. Each collision was followed by a mountain of angry waves. - this pretty dope ngl. also love our wind and earth masters just chilling on a shovel i dig it. hehe

Yet, other than discovering Hua Cheng had a fine body, there were no other finds. Xie Lian was at his wit’s end and started to worry. - okay see this one’s funny im just also irritated bc im like WE KNOW!!! WE GET IT HE’S HOT AND XIE LIAN THINKS HE’S HOT OKAY GOT IT

okay kiss #2 again its not the kisses themselves its xie lian’s reaction it just bothers me idk im not saying i need him to be super into it and completely unconflicted about it rn but he’s just so freaked out about it and idk i just dont really like it just feels weird i dont care for that aspect of it. also dude hua cheng is a ghost and he did this exact same thing for you before just chill. i wish instead of xie lian literally running away while screaming that hes sorry he was just like “oh haha youre fine thats cool im gonna go look around the woods i dont feel weird about this at all haha” like idk its kind of funny but when its literally our two romantic leads i just feel like its confusing like it kind of makes me feel like they shouldnt be together if one of them freaks out this much again considering the fact that they are both CENTURIES old. i know i know xie lian is an 800 year old virgin but. he hasn’t been like this about anything else so yeah idk like it still could have been awkward and funny i just dont think it needed to be so :/ that being said it was funny that xie lian was then internally like “oh i did it wrong? perhaps i should ask him for more.. instructions....” if that actually happens i might like it bc it would complete this little watery theme

Before he finished, he immediately remembered. Coffin wood. There were trees here everywhere; and a deceased? There was one right before his eyes. Sure enough, Hua Cheng smiled. “Won’t it be fine once I lie inside? - love that hua cheng just sat on the fact that he can turn anything into a coffin. that would have been really useful information earlier but no he just waited until everyone but xie lian was gone afjaklsdjf

also i do think that oblivious xie lian thinking “wow whoever it is that hua cheng fancies is an idiot for not liking him back theyre totally taking him for granted :/” is kind of funny and sweet. actually the whole conversation they have at the campfire is good and im bookmarking it to think about later

“...You on top and me on the bottom,” Xie Lian replied. “Isn’t top and bottom the same?” Hua Cheng asked. - okay im sorry but. mood whenever theres discourse about top/bottom dynamics for a ship im just like jesus christ i dont care. tbh i rarely read fanfiction if its just sexual and ngl if i see a fic specifically tag characters as top or bottom i wont read it lmfao. especially when people have really strong opinions about this stuff when theres nothing canonical to back it up like headcanon all you want but whenever i see people argue about it im just like no offense but go work out your own sexual issues and dynamics instead of arguing with strangers on the internet about who’s a top and who’s a bottom. sorry to be mean but just thats how i feel lol

this was mostly a ramble with a few excerpts but im getting sleepy im going to TRY to take a break from this for like a day but we’ll see how that goes i do very much want to know what happens. anyway if you read this whole thing hiiiiii sorry for subjecting you to my opinions on top/bottom discourse

[selfcareparker]

LMAOO I WAS GONNA BRING UP FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLIDER BUT I WASNT SURE IF YOU WERE WATCHING IT HSKAJ (are you liking it? i know it’s only the first episode but ya know, another one tomorrow night- well tomorrow night for me, and did you like wandavision?? i loved it!!)

oh my goodness i’m watching lion king while writing this and i haven’t seen it in a while and i am..... emotional. but anyway, i love that streaming services think that imma pay for them while they charge $50 a month. like yes of course i have that kind of money and i am going to give it to you to watch tv 🙄 that $50 is budgeted to sims thank you. (ALSO SIMS!!! i’ll get to that in a minute) now see if i don’t google levidia right this minute LMAOO, not that i’m gonna use it.. just for the research...

AND HDKSHS SEND THAT CHAOS WALKING LINK LMAO i saw it for the third time with a different one of my friends and she wasn’t the best one to see it with? she literally was on her fucking phone and i was like ok whatever her loss not mine, and idk if you’ve read the books or if you’ve seen it by now, but by the end of the whole movie, after they’ve confirmed THE THING throughout the whole movie she asked the dumbest question and i’m like diD YOU NOT WATCH THE MOVIE, and i guess she didn’t. so. this sounds so vague but i don’t wanna spoil the movie for you just in case lol.

THE STORY LMAOO, so A DIFFERENT FRIEND LOL, like my oldest bff, we had a day together and we wanted to go see chaos walking. and i honest to God thought that no one would be seeing this movie. like NO ONE. every day, i checked the theater seating and no one was there right? plus i really wanted us to have the theater to ourselves. so we sit in the wrong seats, the row in front of us, STILL THINKING WE’RE ALONE. and then these 3 older people came in AND IM ABOUT TO SCREAM FHSJSH AND IM LIKE “are we in your seats?” and they we were like uh yeah, AND IT WAS SO BAD LMAOO , we’re moving and everything would’ve been FINE but my friend’s reclined seat was going down so slow and as it’s going shes LITERALLY SAYING ALOUD “awkward awkward awkward” so she thinks forget it, lemme just get up. HER BAG GETS CAUGHT ON HER CHAIR AND HER FRIES AND THEY SPILL ALONG WITH HER HONEY MUSTARD 😭😭 ALL OVER THE FLOOR! so i’m trying not to laugh lmao but those aren’t even our seats and we just made a mess, so naturally, i get on the floor and start cleaning it up with my napkins (this is going for too long) AND MY FRIEND IS STILL SAYING “awkward awkward awkward awkward” and i’m really abt to crack up bECAUSE LIKE SHUT UP HAHAHA and we’re cleaning it and shit and the oldest lady is gonna say “yeah you’re not gonna make an old lady get on the floor, are you?” AND I WANTED TO LAUGH AND SCREAM AT THE SAME TIME BC DID WE ASK YOU TO, NO, so then i had to get the manager and she helped us clean it, we got new fries and everything was fine, it’s just a crazy story bc LITERALLY WE COULDVE AVOIDED IT AND EVERYTHING BUT THESE ELDERLY PEOPLE HAD TO COME AND SEE THIS MOVIE😭😭 at least the gentlemen was nice.. he helped us clean. but then his wife was like “i aM nOt siTTiNg tHeRe” and at first i thought she was a teenager bc of her stink attitude but her husband was nice. and it’s not like we weren’t cleaning it up, we were!!! like i was so apologetic- anyway.

about sims! do you play console or pc? wait,, you already told me you play pc bc your computer was broken, i’m glad you can play now though :’)) litetally when i read in the tags that you’re playing sims !!!! and are you hyped for bunk beds? i have cc so i’ve had them for a bit, but they were glitchy... but i’m so excited we have them now! i should really play sims today...

GURL IM SO PROUD OF YOU 🥺🥲 i know you aren’t fluent in everything and you aren’t a linguistic genius LMAO but it’s still soooo amazing :’) here i am reading the captions while ur just going hahah, yea i tried duolingo but.... i didn’t stick to it HDJSH talking to you though makes me so interested because you know all these languages, not even studying them like that, but you have this foundation and ahh it’s just super cool. LOL YOU DONT SOUND LAME HAJA IM TELLING YOU ITS SO SO COOL, i’m loving this lesson btw oh my goodness- HSKAJS YOU THOUGHT I WOULD ALREADY KNOW THAT??? HDYSJHS MY ONLY ENGLISH SPEAKING ASS??? HAHAHAHHAH i find that word (Rindfleischetikettie- i’m not gonna write the whole thing i’m sorry) very interesting... like... wow. did you have to google that or did you just know lmao

OKAH THE WATER THING HDKDJDKS UR GONNA TERRIFY ME HAHAH OH MY LORD- first of all CROATIA 😍😍 but thinking about it like that, I WOULD FREAK OUT TOO HAHSGSG i never go that deep into the water, or if i do i have my dad with me lol and i kind of hold onto him bc ive seen/heard too many things about people being dragged into the sea. but i loveee the water (i wanted to be a mermaid soooo bad ohmigosh)

I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW ONE CANNOT LIKE MUSIC ITS AWFUL !! lmao yeah i haven’t even listened to harry’s his first album, everyone says they love it more. I WAS GONNA SAY IMMA LISTEN TO ONLY ANGEL BUT THE WAY YOU DESCRIBE IT HUHAHAH also i have never listened to anything by mgk (i actually had to google who he was IM SORRY😔) i’m tempted to listen tho lol PLEASE JUSTIN BIEBER- I PROMISE IM NOT LAUGHING AT U IVE JUSY NEVER HAD SOMEONE SAY THAT B4!! like i don’t know many people who’ve liked him bUT NOW IM GONNA LISTEN & the cardboard cutout- okay. 😭😭😭

oh my goodness to see the vamps live 🤧 TO SEE ANYONE LIVE PLEASE JJDGSHAHGD and little mix is so good oh my goodness- i actually haven’t been to that many concerts.. i was at my first one, elsie fest (it’s like a broadway thing really) in uhhh october of 2019, yea i took my mom for her birthday bc she loves darren criss and i’m obsessed with glee lmao OH MY GOODNESS YOUVE BEEN TO SO MANY!!! and those are such great artists 😩😩

LMAO UR FINE, hamilton is a musical that lin manuel miranda wrote and i think generally made? i’m obsessed, but basically it was on broadway and then recorded and put on disney+ ... idk i guess it counts a film bc it’s like a movie really cuz it was recorded but in what 2018 or 2016? i don’t remembers the date that is on disney+ but it’s strange how i got into it, a lot of my friends were obsessed and i was like uhh why? and while researching it and watching it, trying to figure out why people love it... i fell in love with it LMAO but the music is FANTASTIC and lin is incredible😭 but yes yes yes i loveeeee high school musical!! my dad actually took my cousins to see it on ice or something (i absolutely forget lmao) but i don’t know how people don’t know hsm. it upsets me.

OKAY IM DOWN TO THE BOTTOM HAHAHA (it takes me so long to respond, now i’m on lion king 2 WHICH IS SO GOOD PLEASE FHHSSHHSHSH) i could respond in chunks but i kind of enjoy responding like this? it feels a bit like a letter but if this whole thing is overwhelming i’ll cut it up lol

+ yes that was me about your fic and sleep and everything lol but it was so good😭 i don’t understand how you write peter so well like you have this ability to capture his.. everything? i’m crine. all the time. over your fics. & i cannot describe my happiness for youuuu :’) i’m so happy you’re writing again 🥺🥰 the thing about how you only want to write the long peter fic but you don’t know how to continue... i feel that so so so hard, i don’t think i told you but ughh i was so blah bc of that feeling of having pent up inspiration for only one fucking thing and not being able to write it. it’s so frustrating 😭

not to add more to this but i need to vent a bit? the situation is definitely different bc with your major it obviously requires for you to ya know, know english lol, but uhm bc i’m homeschooled ive been cheating on all my work SHSHDHSJ like i google the answers but i’m still learning! it’s just..... i find it so unnecessary, like going for an audition no one is gonna say to me “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” like tf??? there’s literally no point. i’m gonna be getting into voice lessons again soon and i’m already doing dance, AND i’ll be doing this summer camp program (more hamilton lol) and thinking about school is only making me stress more, like i haven’t been able to rehearse dance at all this week bc of it...... so

hahaha reading your tags, lonely anon would still be accurate HAHAHHAHA // another add: yea i love ur current theme, i’ve gotten used to “seeing you” like this, but anything will look super pretty :)) ALSO HOW IS IT STILL SNOWING THERE, i swear it’s getting warmer and warmer by the day here 😭🤧

these long ass posts, my gosh🥲 lonely lovely anon <3

Omg yes it does feel like a letter sldkdj and then the few days of waiting also make more sense okay i love this ❣️💕❤️💓❤️💞🧡💜💘(wtf)sksjhz

Dear lovely anon,

ALSKSJVKD yes i‘m liking falcon and winter soldier dlkdh i haven‘t watched the second episode yet but i‘ll watch it tomorrow! but i didn‘t watch wandavision........ eidislskks i was going to but idk i wasn‘t that interested in it and watching series is already too much of a commitment (what can i say i‘m a Sagittarius—🤧 (no i’m joking i actually know NOTHING about starsigns)) didjj that i couldn‘t force myself to watch it, ALSO i hate (idk if this is an unpopular opinion) when every episode is like a whole hour. i‘m rewatching an old series today (it‘s german so i won‘t even get into it) and the episodes are 25 mins each and i‘ve already watched 8 episodes today ridlndjdjd,,, and i feel like if the episodes were an hour each i wouldn‘t have gotten past episode 2 today like idk.... even if series had the same length in total, i prefer when the individual episodes are shorter idk why tho tbh (so yeah i already wasn‘t 100% convinced about watching wandavision so i just couldn’t make myself watch a bunch of 1hour episodes— i‘ve heard that it‘s good tho- but i‘m not much of a series person so. Dldkk (have we talked about this already??? sorry i don‘t remember what i said lol and i couldn‘t find my own post anymore so dkdjsh) (WAIT I JUST CHECKED THE WANDAVISION EPIOSRDES ARENT EVEN THAT LONG??? Okay wait i might watch it now - did you like it? let me know if i should watch it— why did i think they were 60minutes???)

okay another confession i‘ve never watched the lion king????? i mean i watched it when i was a child but i was too young to actually pay attention to any kind of plot i just liked the songs lol sldkdj i‘ve been meaning to watch it for years tho 🦁 (idk it just felt appropriate to put a lion emoji lmoaoo)

OH MY GOD THE CHAIS WALKING/CINEMA STORY AHSJSKKS😭😭😭😭 NOOOOO (very fitting that there was so much chaos when you were watching a film that has chaos in the title loool) and the “awkward awkward awkward“ SAME SKSKSLSKDJ, that‘s literally me 24/7 ahajshshhshshsh. Like i was so skdjdjdkdllsldksnsnsnsb while i read what you sent me djslslsjdjdbdn why are old ladies always so grumpy btw 🥲🥲🥲 at least the man was nice tho! and wait did i read that right... you have fries (which, to me, are called chips dusuusldk) at your cinemas?? (Movie theatres sorry sksjsh) we just have popcorn and nachos and drinks i want chips too when i‘m watching a film what😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺

Also i still haven’t watched it so thanks for not spoiling it!!! (idk when i’ll watch it i’m so bad with films and even worse with series💀💀💀- same with cherry. i literally forgot all about cherry, i was SO hyped when the trailer came out like i’ve never been so excited about a movie... and then it came out... and i still haven‘t watch it like what‘s wrong with me???? Dkdjdjdjdklsl i feel like i‘m not gonna watch it anytime soon tbh, but i wanna watch chaos walking i just have to find the time

Okay and @ your other friend who wasn‘t paying attention like why are you even watching the film then???? but ok (omg this sounds so mean i‘m sure she‘s very nice but in this situation just like❔❔❔)

SIMS ahhh, BUNK BEDS, ahhhh sdljdjdjdkdkdldksj i actually haven‘t played it since the update 🤧🤧 i made both of my sims (enisa (bestselling author already, thank you) and michael (aspiring doctor)) go to university and bro it takes so long 😭😭 and you can‘t do anything else if you want them to do well so literally the last three times i played sims i was just constantly clicking their homework and computerd to write their assignments (i play it in german so idk what its called on the sims) and do their presentations and do them all over again so that they get better or whatever for HOURS, but imma play again soon

also i‘m living my fanfiction life loool, so i made my two sims neighbours (on the same plot tho but i made two small separate houses lol, i still wanted to control both of them at the same time but i made sure they didn‘t interact before i wanted them to skdjdjdk). and first they both experimented and got some experience in the love department you know (all genders, cause i have to live my sexuality even in a pc game slskdjh— wait, i‘ve never lived my sexuality irl like i‘ve done NOTHING nothing with guys nothing with girls (🥲) but maybe that’s why i want to do it even more in the sims) and then they met at uni and realised like hey we‘re neighbours and now they‘re together (but michael accidentally had an alien baby with another woman (who was an alien which i was not aware of) cause i wasn‘t paying attention like i said woohoo not try for baby like michael why is your pull out game so weak tf LSHDDHDJDJSKKDKSKDKS okay but making out and flirting and doing all the fun stuff in the sims turns me on way more than it should PFAHAHHAHSH) so idk why i told you this but I’m creating that neighbour!au in the sims lmaoooo

i did not have to google Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsübertragungsaufgabengesetz (just did it again😌 sisjshhs) but i might have mixed up the words überwachung und übertragung or i might have even forgotten a word skskks but in the end it doesn‘t matter (by linkin park- ok i‘m so sorry it‘s 2 am and i have a headache from having waveformers in my hair all day but i still wanted to reply to this now so sorry if i‘m not making any sense right nowbahahshah)

i wanted to be a mermaid too dldjdksksj like h2O and all those series convinced me i could be one like. i remember i‘d always go in the deep pool and attempt to swim like them in all the series with that wave motion i must have looked so crazy with my goggles as well dkdjsksöksj (i was like twelve but still)

so mgk has two sides one is hip hop/rap which is like ~~~~ idk he has good and bad songs, but his latest album is like punk pop snd I LOVE IT SO SO SO SO SO MUCH, so if you like punk pop I’d recommend his album tickets to my downfall (i don‘t blame yoj if you don‘t like it tho like about a year ago i would have HATED that type of music dkdkdkkd)🥴

Okay talking about music, there‘s this german rapper and he is... not a good person. he‘s literally a criminal and extremely sexist but to me he‘s still hot???????? he‘s even cute at times even tho he has tattoos everywhere and is like 6‘5 and is super aggressive but i see him and i‘m like 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 my heart beats only for you💘💘💘💘and he released a new song today and i watched the video and i‘m wondering wtf is wrong with me 😃 (he did look particularly cute cause he was high so idk he wasn’t really aggressive in this one) 😭 so i thought i‘d share that LMAO IDK

(not saying tattoos aren‘t cute btw i LOVE tattoos imma get some soon, but you know he looks like someone your grandma would be afraid of (and in his case rightfully so💀)

okay wait i‘m getting so tired it‘s 2 am i think i‘ll have to do the rest tomorrow but i wanted to do it now😭🥺🥺 see you tomorrow

it is now 3:42 am and i couldn‘t sleep so here we go again

girl you can laugh at me for liking justin tho skskks i wanna laugh at myself idk, like i said i really really really liked him a few years go, basically my life was at least 50% justin and then he went on a break for a while and released an album last year which i hated 🥴 but this album is wow. (Still weird to me because it‘s literally the definition of pop and i don‘t ever listen to pop?) and it‘s so weird because i used to know so much about justin and had so many friends who loved him as well and now it‘s like I’m listening to someone new? Don‘t get me wrong i never KNEW justin and i never will and i‘m aware of that shahsh but yeah i used to be soooo used to him and it‘s like reconnecting with an old friend and you realise you don‘t know that friend anymore- like you don‘t know them anymore at all. I mean justin is weird nowadays 😂😂😂 so pls laugh at me tbh dskksjsjsh

awww it‘s so wholesome that you gave your mom tickets to the concert 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i gave my mum tickets for pink like 2 years ago and she loved it so much and i was like 🥰🥰🥰 (i went with her) AND OMG GLEE ok so unfortunately i barely remember glee, but i used to watch it too!!!! And it‘s actually on my list of series i wanna watch (again) so youre making me want to watch it even more (but like i said i‘m bad with series so 😩😩😩 who knows when i‘ll rewatch it)

When all this pandemic shit is over (let‘s be hopeful <3333) then you need to go to as many concerts as possible!!!!! i‘ve been to SO MANY and it‘s literally one of the things in my life i‘m the most grateful for, concerts are some of the best experiences i‘ve ever had in my life especially the ones that are in smaller concert halls where you can feeeel the vibe and everyone‘s energy (and that sounds awful thinking about it mid-pandemic 😐) anyway—

Okay omg you‘re absolutely making me want to watch hamilton right now like omg i WANT TO WATCH IT NOW but it‘s 4 am sodndkdldl

what you said about my peter fics🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺like omg i love these emojis they literally just describe how i felt when reading what you said so, yes, 🥰🥺 + thank you :) it really means a lot <3

and no omg i totally get the studying thing. like last year before i graduated .. was that last year? yes wtf omg okaykdjdj, so the last three months before i had my final exams we were just in a lockdown and we didn‘t even have online classes. We had nothing except one teacher who left our group chat (😭) because she was mad at us (?) and one maths teacher who did an online ““lesson““ once a week. he‘d ask: so does anyone have questions. us: . Him: okay, bye then. So. Yeah dndldldj. But we had one online test and it was in german and like i read the book wee were supposed to read? but the questions on the test were all unanswerable (is that a word?) and i had to google everything (got an A tho 🤪 but only because i googled everything so i was so scared that i wouldn‘t be able to get a good result on the final exam because what if i‘d gotten used to just googling everything and i couldn‘t do it by myself anymore? anyway it was all fine in the end but yeah at times i couldn‘t even study because i had so much anxiety about studying and yeah- like this whole annoying cycle. but you said you‘re still studying———- okay wait 👁👄👁 i forgot what i was going to say??????????????????????????????????????????????????? Like wtf. Is wrong with me? And i‘m reading what you wrote again and i just don‘t know what i was going to say? Like i get what you‘re saying obviously but i‘m like? Idk 4am brain ayeee, please vent more if you need to and elaborate further because right now i‘m???? Too dumb to respond to this right now wtf. I‘m so sorry lmao ddlkdjdjd what is even going on like i‘m sitting here open mouthed just like ? But btw the fact that you have Voice and dance lessons is like SO FUCKING COOL like oh my god that is sosososos cool wtf, i was thinking that when you first talked about it too

And “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” ODHDKSLDBDJDOFIDKDNDLDK

Yes i know about the weather dkdkdkjd but it‘s getting (a lot) warmer here too and where i live we kind of get a weird type of wind called föhn (which literally means hair dryer but idk if that‘d the reason why it‘s called that, i‘m too tired to think of whether it makes sense rn) and it gives me headachesssssss and the changing weather is also giving me headaches 😭😭😭😭 so this season right now is just headache season and i hate summer so i wish it would just snow again lmao (okay it‘s getting so late that it‘s early already snd i can hear this bird chirping so fucking loud wtf i‘m also getting a headache 🤧🤧🤧) but at least i can do my new theme soon (i hope it‘ll look good🥺 and omg thank you for what you said about my current theme- i always feel like i‘m so bad with aesthetics, i obviously like my theme but i feel like every single person on tumblr has a theme that is prettier than mine so it was very nice to hear you say that you love it👉🏼👈🏼 (i‘m so used to it by now that i actually hate it lmao so it‘s getting yeeted soon and i‘m making megan thee stallion my pfp 🤪 (if the graphics and shit works out skdjdjdj)

[madisonrooney]

hi it's your secret santa! first of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! i hope you have a wonderful day! how are you celebrating, if you are at all? safely, i hope! either way i hope you manage to find a way to have a great day full of love!! consider my christmas gift a belated birthday gift as well lol. anyway i loved reading your last answer, it was so thoughtful and sweet. i realized after reading that i barely know anything about dove lol so follow up q: what about dove makes you love her so much?

sorry for the late response! the last couple days have been v busy and ive been super tired and dissociative on top of it so i made a point to save this bc i wanted to give it my full attention!

first of all thank you!! i was going to do a virtual meet and greet with one of my favs from jersey boys but he got confused about timezones so we rescheduled but were doing it next week! then i went to a virtual walt disney family museum panel, had pizza for dinner and watched some liv and maddie, my mom made a cookie cake that we ate while watching the grinch musical, and then some friends and i watched the jersey boys movie together over skype!

im so glad you enjoyed reading my last answer! and oof thats another loaded question (i love it tho)

- like i said when first talking about what drew me to her and liv and maddie, a big thing is just how much passion and love she puts into her characters. ofc she puts passion into every character she plays, but its the passion she puts into characters like liv, maddie, and mal that means the most to me. that goes back to the fact that ive dealt with a lot of negativity directed towards me for enjoying disney channel, and then you have dove out here saying “yah im a teenager/twenty-something who not only respects what theyre doing on disney channel, but puts my all into it” not to mention she even won an emmy for playing liv and maddie in season 4! i hope that passion and talent has started to change the conversation about disney channel, and tbh i think it has at least a bit.  ofc, none of this is to say other people her age acting on disney channel arent talented and passionate, but idk, something about her has always stood out to me. i find her to be more animated and expressive than most. it can be hard for me to read emotions in live action movies and shows, so thats been really important for me. not to mention she was not only playing the lead but TWO lead characters on a four season show with distinct personalities but also subtle similarities. AND the main character in the biggest DCOM franchise in years for 5 years running now. PLUS the fact that there was a period where those were both happening at the same time. she was only 16 when she started all this and hadnt even had any big roles prior to it!! she had a lot of responsibility so it was amazing to see her not only pull it off, but excel at it.

- i just love like....her aesthetic?? shes always seemed to be a very old soul to me, into old jazz music and poetry and stuff like that. its just very charming. and for her to have that aesthetic on top of being a disney channel actress is a fascinating juxtaposition.

- this is kind of sappy and it gets tiring to hear it said over and over again but that doesnt mean it isnt true: i love how transparent she is about her struggles with mental health issues, trauma, and such. she has been for a long time but even more so over the last year or two. no shade to anyone else, but a lot of actors dont really give you a look into their personal lives, they just share and promote their product. im not saying theres anything wrong with that, its good to know what youre comfortable sharing, ive just felt all the more close to her with her being as open as she is, especially as someone who has gone through trauma myself, albeit different from hers.

- kind of connected to that, i love how important spreading kindness, positivity, and love is to her. thats another thing thats been said a million times but still, its very important to me.

for example. she’ll randomly tweet things like “i love you” a lot. im one to always think of the thought process that goes on behind whatever someone posts, texts, etc., bc personally i put a lot of a thought into pretty much anything i say or do before i put it out there publicly, probably bc of my social anxiety. even tho its a simple statement and takes her a couple seconds to post, she still had to have the thought “i want to remind my fans that theyre loved” or something along those lines. and she has this thought FREQUENTLY. to just randomly get a notification every few days or weeks or so of her saying something like that is just very heartwarming to me.

the reason i connected with miley so much when she helped me through my initial trauma was bc it felt like even if no one loved me, she loves her fans, thus she loves me. thus the person i love and admire the most loves me. even if its only one person, it can be enough. it was for me at the time. i feel that same way with dove. when she came into my life, i didn’t feel as unloved, but her love was still helpful to me.

- of course i need to specifically talk about her kindness in person too. dont get me wrong (ive been saying that a lot havent i lol), i totally and completely loved her long before i met her, but naturally, i love her 10x more after the experiences ive had getting to know her in person.

i could go ONNNNNNN about the experiences ive had with her, and i have lol, and if you already heard me ramble about this in the server i apologize, but the most important thing ive taken away from every encounter ive had with her is this: she always goes the extra mile. she always goes out of her way to make people feel special. what i mean by that is she could say/do HALF as much as she has when meeting me and i would still leave over the moon feeling loved. you can tell she does this in excess bc she really truly means it and cares about people like me, she doesnt have any kind of ulterior motive and isnt just going through the motions doing whats asked of her, she simply cares about me and the rest of her fans. some examples - the first time we met, i was sobbing (lol) and she hugged me for a really long time, rocking me back and forth, brushing my hair with her thumb, calling me sweetheart and honey. she even started to tear up a bit herself. - a couple months later, i went to my first liv and maddie taping. i was preparing to reintroduce myself (i looked a little different bc id been cosplaying as maddie the first time i met her) and ofc when preparing myself, i fantasized pretty heavily as i usually do and pictured myself showing her the pic of us on my phone, her gasping, jumping out of her chair screaming, and hugging me, thinking that was probably way more than i was gonna get. that is EXACTLY what happened. then she went on to tell me how my costume made her whole weekend. things like this would continue to happen where i would set the bar impossibly high and not only would she meet it but she’d exceed it. - our usual interaction from there on would start with her face lighting up when she saw me, her calling me some kind of cute name like love or baby, and then hugging me without me even having to initiate it. - when i saw her in mamma mia, i didnt know when id be seeing her again afterwards after pretty consistently getting to see her for 2 years, so i wanted to make sure we got some kind of closure. at the stage door, i reminded her how much she meant to me and just expected like an “aww i love you too” or something back, but she said “you are an angel in my life” and i will never forget that. obvs, i havent told her ALL the details about what she and her characters mean to me but like...she can tell. she can tell if im in a homemade maddie costume sobbing into her arms that theres something there, and shes VERY appreciative of that. - i thankfully got to see her at a meet and greet a few months later and every time i thought i should get going cuz i didnt want to hold the line up, she would just open her arms for another hug. speaking of being appreciative, she even said “thank you for being such a supportive fan.” as i left, i turned around to say one last goodbye. i made sure she wasnt with the next fan yet and yelled out “bye!” and she yelled back “I LOVE YOU!!” and blew me a kiss. again, its the little things. - i saw her at a small panel in new york a few months after that. she walked in the room when the lights were down as they were playing a clip, she quietly waved hi to everyone, then saw me and loudly whispered HI BABY!!! and stopped on her way to the stage to give me a hug. (then she looked at me from the stage and asked which way i thought she should cross her legs for the interview lol) - sometimes when she sees im next in line, shell give me a knowing smile or whisper “hi baby!!” or something like that. she saw me in the crowd after clueless and seemed to make a point to come to me last bc she knew wed be talking for a while, which we did. she even told me she’d seen me in the audience, asking if i was in the front on the left, which i was.

even all that is still just scratching the surface. weve “known” each other for 5 years now and every time i think she’s done the most she can do, she outdoes herself again. not to mention when im at these events, i see her treat all the fans she meets with all of that kindness too. naturally all of this has made me love her all the more.

- finally, lets just be honest here..........................shes REALLY fucking hot.

[clumsyclifford]

I'm totally fine with being tagged as shy anon. Makes it easier for me to find the responses. You're totally so cute!! These may come in three separate asks so in advanced I do apologise for that. Okie ahhh favorite songs youre making me choose between my kids. I love all atl songs, tops glitter and crimson, wus, chemistry, vampire shift. Shit load of 1D, wildflower which is a recent find btw. And uhhhh im sure I'm forgetting about a million others. I love oldies and classics though. Fav city is my city of LA, im 29 though I look 12 tbh. I'm like 5'2 not tall at all. And I'm about to have dinner right now so ill be back with the rest of your questions. But how's your night going. Let's not forget about you.

Shy anon back with part 2. I do drink tea. My favorite is chai vanilla. It smells so good and is very delicious. Whats your favorite tea? Are there any shows you're super into right now? Do you like desserts? Whats your least favorite food? Honestly wanted to tell you you were a saving grace when I found your jalex fics. I love how you write them and thank God you aren't like ones who write them just to say who bottoms and who tops. It prompted me to make a whole ass blog dedicated to reblogging them just so I wouldn't lose them. Anyway. You'll see im a pretty boring person.

sick then we will go with that until further notice!!!

CHEMISTRY alright anon that’s it you can be my new best friend holy SHIT so much FUCKING TASTE i FUCKING LOVE CHEMISTRY i will be committing violent crimes against all time low for not releasing it for me to stream honestly what the fuck

yeah!!! 1d!!!! love those bitches!!!! and wildflower, interesting!!!! a recent find, does that mean you don’t really listen to 5sos? ....do you want to? do you need a starting place? recs??? wildflower is a banger though i agree. great choice. oldies and classics are hit or miss for me but i like some classic rock !!!

oooooh LA!! never been. one day </3 when there’s. no pandemic and all </3

chai vanilla! have also never had that!! i mostly just drink english breakfast ya know builder’s tea proper english milk and sugar. if i can’t bring the bella to england then i will forcibly bring england to the bella

OH so funny you ask ! yes i am, speaking of bringing england to the bella, i am wholly obsessed with great british bake off. baking show. whatever. it has my entire heart. i tried to watch a different baking show today and it just. wasnt good in comparison. i dont ever want to watch another baking show that isnt gbbo. THOUGH i am also forever watchin antm (america’s next top model?? do people know the initials for it?? idk) with my wonderful roommate. we are about ??? five ish? six ?? episodes into cycle 20. that show satisfies my desire to watch really trashy reality TV, whereas i genuinely enjoy bake off and the relationships between the people on the show makes me SO SO happy like. mmmm comfort show. perfect for drinking tea and being happy and thinking about meg

well you know what. i do love desserts as in i have quite a sweet tooth and i eat a lot of chocolate/sweet things BUT i am also rather choosy about them? like i don’t like most cake, i DON’T like frosting at all. idk man! short answer: yes but no. hope this helps <3

LEAST favorite???? god i don’t know!!! there are so many good foods why would i waste brain space on the ones i hate??? ill tell you my favorite food which is mac and cheese

omg !!! well !!! please that’s very kind of you. an entire blog!! wow!!!! i’m glad you like them so much wow yay i!!! ah!!! thank you!!!!!!! you are a lovely wonderful person shy anon i like the vibes going on here

[natsships]

Okay, because I'm curious... what's your favorite song from The Book of Mormon? How did you and Elder Price get together? Does his religion have any impact on your relationship? Where do you two like to go on dates?

OHHH these are good omg ok so,,

1) Favorite song?? Man I could NOT pick tbh, I think the best I could do is a top 5 (in no particular order):

-All-American Prophet: My favorite to just vibe (dance badly) to because it goes so hard, also I LOVE the staging of this scene with Joseph Smith acting out the story in the background as Kevin tells it,, it’s really simple but fun!!

-I Believe: MY BOY’S BIG SOLO NUMBER 🥺 I know like most of the show it’s pokin fun at religion but hearing him so confident and full of purpose again after he was previously doubting himself and falling away from faith always brings a smile to my face

-Hello!: The perfect opening number. Literally starts the show with missionaries opening the door n singing at you as a big chorus. Conceptually just amazing, and just as good in execution 20/10

-Man Up: Doesn’t really involve Elder Price but this is Elder Cunningham’s time to shine!! This is the perfect energy filled but still hilarious act 1 closer and every actor ive seen do it has absolutely killed it!! I cannot tell u how much adrenaline I had when the curtain went down after act 1 when I saw it live

-Tommorrow is a Latter-Day: Probably the most sincere song from the soundtrack outside of Salt Lake City (Sal Tlay Ka Sity) but god this one always makes me emotional,, Maybe it’s a little silly because it is a comedy but I’ve always found the messaging of this show (“Believe whatever you want, as long as it makes you a better person to others!”) is something special and this finishing number really ties everything together!! The lines about living in the moment and not always thinking about whats going to happen when you die always get to me in particular,,

2)!! OK THAT WAS LONG WINDED BUT-

How did we get together? My close friends know this story well but I have yet to tell it on my blog so here goes- It was about 5 years ago now (wow!!!) when I was staying with my cousins in a different state without my parents for the first time. On the first night there I started to really panic, so I did what any teenager does- err..got on my phone to distract myself. I had a vague interest in musicals at the time, I had seen a few but wasnt super into it. However, I’d heard of this musical called The Book of Mormon and heard it was hilarious, and of course, extremely inappropriate. Being the edgy teenager I was at the time I looked it up and stumbled across and original broadway cast bootleg (I didn’t even know what this was at the time- luckily BoM was and still is a very popular show that is not hard to find in the least)

I remember that night really fondly, it was scary but this horribly inappropriate, raunchy show took my mind off of it and made me laugh at a time when I legitimately thought I was gonna be sick. Looking back now as someone whos been officially diagnosed and stuff, it had been a full blown anxiety attack that I didn’t realize at the time. Anyway, I always loved Kevin Price. Yes, he’s got a bit of an ego problem, but I always found his growth at the end of the show to be..quite inspiring. He could have easily been painted as the bad guy and been written out of the show after act 1 (I have heard rumors that he was supposed to actually die and go to Hell, instead of simply having a dream about it, but haven’t been able to find a concrete source for this), but the fact that he stood up and said what he did was wrong and that he wants to stay and help the people who need it made me instantly love him.

He started out mostly platonic, almost like a sort of guardian angel type figure to me- fitting due to his low-key savior complex, and stayed that way for a couple years. However, over time I began to feel more and more feelings for him, and after so long I’ve officially embraced it (hence why I made this blog hehe).

3) Does his religion affect our relationship? This is a good question, and a pretty interesting one actually. By the end of the show it’s pretty clear that Kevin and the other missionaries have sort of created their own brand of beliefs- ones that stay with their traditional teachings but aren’t so...oppressive? Elder McKinley embraces his sexuality, Elder Price and Elder Cunningham elect to teach through what makes them happy and brings joy to others, rather than what is forced on them by their families; etc.

So for this I’d have to say that no, it doesn’t really affect us. I’ve no intention of converting, but he’s already quite the rebel so really, we’re just doing what makes us happy, which is exactly what he wants for everyone!! (He does like to teach me things about the church though and purely from an outsider looking in and learning because of genuine curiousity I enjoy it!!)

4) DATES!! Oh boy this one is fun because fun fact! I live in Florida! If you haven’t seen the show, Elder Price’s biggest ambition- and where he wanted to go on his mission, was Orlando! Now, I don’t live super close to Orlando and...due to....all of last year, I haven’t been in forever. But! The perfect getaway weekend for the two of us would be to book a hotel there and go around allllll the theme parks and stuff 24/7! I don’t quite get the appeal but the smile on his face would be worth it for me 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Thank you SO much for these it was SUPER SUPER fun to write about and now im all like flustered dhkddhlsjs

[mistymark]

the one with the annotations.

dong sicheng x reader // 3.7k words // masterlist // send requests here

summary; in which sicheng keeps writing in the books at the library and it should be obvious but that’s,,, not,,, allowed???

warnings: none its just fluff, theres some humour if u like,, squint

requested; yes :D - “Enemies to lovers 👀 with sicheng? Love your writing btw 💕” from anon

notes; based on this prompt: ”You’ve got to stop returning books full of corrections and spiteful comments in red pen bc I can’t stop reading them and my boss gives me disapproving glares when I laugh at the funny ones

ohhhhh boi

so while you were at uni you had a part time job at the library

because surprise surprise as a lit major you like books

shocker there

you always tried to work the late shifts, closing up and doing the returns

just because it was easy and relaxing organising and restacking the books

but soon you wished you took the earlier shifts

because of dong sicheng

not to be dramatic but

your long rival

he started coming to the library to borrow books

because that’s kind of the point of a library

but he ended up liking the environment for studying

and would stay there for hours just to study

and you’d admire his hardworking nature

if he left on time, that is

you would do the rounds ten minutes before closing

just to tell everyone like

‘hey, we’ll be closing in around ten minutes if you want to begin packing up’

but this bitch

would nEVER PACK UP ON TIME

you’d end up standing at his table with your bag and the keys in your hand

tapping on the wood to try and get his attention

and him slowly packing up afterwards

even tho he kNOWS you want to go home

‘you’re just as slow as you were in kindergarten hey?’

and he’d be so furious

‘you know you cheated’

‘I don’t remember any such thing’

and maybe you did maybe you didn’t

you were like four years old

as if you’d remember a race you won when you were that age

he just rolls his eyes and leaves as you lock the doors

you leave in the other direction

happily leaving him behind

but he stops by every Monday Tuesday and Thursday night to study

which are the days you work as well

he acts like it’s just part of his schedule 

but he worked out if he came in on Wednesday’s he didn’t have the opportunity to annoy you

and honestly?

annoying you at the end of your shift and after a long session of studying was the highlight of his night

but he keeps borrowing books

and you’re like

whatever

until he borrows this new book you’ve been wanting to read for ages

and you were low-key so bitter

this lil bitch has no way of knowing you wanted that book but somehow he does and that’s the only reason he’s borrowed it

even though,, he literally had no idea lmao

tbh u probably would have wanted to talk to him about the books he reads bc u have very similar taste

okay the same taste

but he’s such an asshole ur like nah fam

anyways he returns it after a week

boy reads fast ok

and when he goes to drop it in the returns box

you just take it from his hand and scan it under your name straight away

and put it under the desk so no one else can borrow it

and when there’s a lull in the work at the library

you reach under the table for the book and rifle through it

and you notice a few pencil marks

and upon further inspection you realise they’re comments referencing certain parts of the book

and you do nOT stand for vandalism

but some of them are fuckin hilarious not gonna lie

on the page you just happened to open

you can see there’s a comment beside a passage of text depicting a fight scene

‘this would kill someone wtf’

and u laugh and wonder who had done this

like the book had only been out for a little while

and u finish it in just less than a week

bc u read a lot during your shifts

probably a lot more than you should tbh

and seriously the comments made the book better

you hadn’t laughed so hard at random commentary so much

like the words were exactly what you were thinking

you couldnt help it

while ur putting some of the books back in the middle of your shift

!!!! you see another book that u might like !!! 

not to judge a book by its cover butttttttt

it looks like ur type oop-

and after flipping through it

to get an idea of font size and chapter length cause ur a whole nerd like that

u see it ALSO has pencil markings

in the borders and underlining sentences

and without even thinking u borrow it

just to read the funny comments again

and ur boss comes up to you during your shift and is like

‘have you seen someone’s been writing in the books? look at this’

and thrusts a book in ur face

and ur like ??????? okay chill I’ll look

and u read the writing she’s pointing at

the familiar loopy handwriting adorning the page

and it says ‘I hope she throws her drink in his face’

when u read the paragraph for context

u realise it’s a confession scene

a few lines down the mystery person has written ‘called it.’

and u can’t help but laugh

like come on that was funny

but ur boss doesn’t agree

she just asks you to find out who’s doing it so they can be suspended from the library

or charged with vandalism

or something

she wants vengeance

u roll ur eyes and go to one of the staff computers

scrolling through the lists of borrowers for that specific book

and it’s a fuckin library that book has been borrowed a loT

2031 times ???????????????

you almost fall of your chair tbh

then someone clears their throat in front of u

and u immediately apologise as u try and get the right tab up to process the borrower’s book

but once u look at the person in front of u

you wish you hadn’t been so nice

sicheng stands in front of you

a grin on his face as he hands you another book

smug bitch is so happy he startled u

‘looking at porn on the library computer, yn?’

u laugh

‘I’m not u in 8th grade’

he glares at you as he takes his book and goes back to his desk to continue studying

u were soooo hoping he’d leave

even tho u kinda enjoyed looking at him

like dude was hot okay

what were u supposed to do????

ur actual job????

please.

so he stays

and when it’s ten minutes til closing

u go and let everyone know

and u stop at sichengs table

and he’s writing out notes or something

idk it’s not like u care anyway lol

but he’s lowkey frustrated bc he keeps messing up this one goddamn formula

so he erases it

and that’s when u catch a glimpse of his handwriting

and bruh am I high or is that the exact same handwriting as in the books

I mean he has borrowed a few of the books

and he’s into that genre

not that you've checked out his borrowed list or anything

basically ur having this whole conversation with yourself in your head

bc ur cool like that

and he’s like ????? why this bitch standing over my shoulder and watching me write out this equation

until he’s like ‘what are u doing’

and ur like !!!!! oh hi !!! sorry I was busy listening to the voices in my head lmao xD

jk jk

‘have u been writing in the books’

and suddenly he’s super shy

and he has this massive grin

and he’s like ‘no’

bitch we know it was u stfu

u roll ur eyes and ur like ‘its not funny my boss wants you to be suspended’

he squints at you

‘how do you even know it was me’

and then:

‘DO YOU HAVE E V I D E N C E’

and u cross your arms

like a badass bitch

and ur like ‘I have plenty of evidence actually’

‘for one, youve borrowed all the books that have been found with writing’

‘and your handwriting matches’

subconsciously he covers his notebook with his arm to hide his handwriting

and he's like ‘why are u telling me this’

you're taken aback by the question tbh

like ?????? to be a good person ??????

idk u fuckwit just wanted to warn you

‘thought you'd want to know’

and he just turns back to his book

and you shrug and walk away like ok get suspended then see if I care

but u do :((

but as you walk away hes like

‘wait’

‘Im gonna be suspended??’

and u nod like ye that's what I just said but ok

‘like I cant borrow or I cant come in at all?’

u don't know tbh

‘both I think?’

and suddenly there's panic in his eyes

another person walks past u and thanks u

and u mindlessly tell them to have a good night as they leave

everyone has left

except sicheng of course

that beautiful son of a-

wait why did u say beautiful

‘what can I do to nOT get suspended??’

and u shrug bc idk dude not my problem

but then u think about it

‘I mean if u get rid of the evidence theres no way u can be suspended, right?’

and he seems so happy at the thought

‘would you help me? please?’

and ur sooooooo skeptical

‘depends. what do u want to me to do?’

‘I mean I need access to the books so’

‘yeah ill let u in and out’

‘I can't exactly just erase the markings when people could be watching’

and that's exactly how you end up sitting in the library with dong sicheng at 11pm at night rifling through books to find odd pencil markings to erase

it wasnt that hard

u just got his record up

*snorts* ‘you borrowed ‘how to talk to girls’ when we were thirteen’

and he just rolled his eyes and marched to the computer like ‘you can see my record I deserve to see yours’

and ur like NOOOOOO nononononono

but later

‘you've read all the light-fighter novels??’

he looks at you from where hes searching for one of the books on the list, an eyebrow raised

‘yeah why’

‘dude,, I loved those books’

and he smiles a little

‘thats where I started marking the books tbh, every time I read it id add a little cross in the corner of the cover bc I read it so often’

part of u is a little impressed

the other is annoyed at how similar your taste in books is

but the first part keeps asking why u hate him so much

other than the staying late and the snarky comments

which you actually find kinda funny-

anyways

once you've gathered up a few of the books

like at least ten each

you sit on the floor of the childrens section

beanbags sprawled out beneath you as u read through some of the books

most of them you've read before

and every time you giggle at something hes written his smile gets a little bigger

but of course youre looking at the book so you dont notice

and he keeps his head down

‘is it bad that im hungry’

you lift your head from the book to look at sicheng

hes not even reading anymore hes just lounging back on the beanbags

and maybe he'd been watching u read

watching as the smile on your face grew wider at his commentary

‘I didnt see you leave tonight. have u eaten?’

you furrow your brows in thought, trying to recall having seen him leave

‘you been watching me, y/n?’

‘have you been eating, sicheng?’

and there's something about the way you say his name that makes his heart jump

his voice is soft as he looks at you in the dark

‘no’

you focus back on the book in front of you

‘finish whatever book youre on and we’ll call it a night’

‘what, you wanna go eat?’ 

you cant tell if hes just surprised or if hes hopeful

or something else

‘no but I do want to sleep’

you laugh and he forces a laugh too

you dont notice the difference

when you've returned all the books

he meets you at the front door as you grab the book you'd been reading that shift

hes just standing by the door on his phone

and maybe its bc ur tired or maybe its just him

but u cant help thinking

Jesus Christ this boy is attractive

and okay maybe u had a crush on him a few years ago

but hey! you were eleven what could u do

the crush still lasted like two years tho lmao

but u shoulder your bag and open the door for him

making sure to lock it carefully

and he walks with you in the direction of your apartment

and ur like oh u live this way too?

and hes like nah

but what kind of boy would he be if he didnt accompany home

like christ y/n u could be h u r t out here at this time of night

but you just smile at him bc wow thats ??? actually ??? kinda sweet

‘who are u and what have u done with dong sicheng’

and there goes his heart again

he just nudges u with his elbow 

and u laugh at him and continue on ur way

when u get to ur building he thanks u for ur help in the most polite way possible

and u can kind of see that hes actually rlly nice ??? how ???

but hes back at the library the next day

and of course he comes up to the counter as soon as he spots you

sneaking around a few desks so u dont hear him come up behind you to whisper ‘BOO!’ in your ear

you jump like three feet in the air and spin around to tell him to get out from behind the desk

‘I dont see a nametag on u that means u have to be on THAT side of the desk thank u very much’

‘didnt realise your name tag said bitch on it geeeez y/n ://’

and u just fix him with a glare once hes finally on the right side

‘are u borrowing a book or not’

‘nuP’

he leans on the desk

his eyes staring straight into yours

‘just wanted to ask if u were able to stay back tonight’

you roll ur eyes

you'd barely gotten any sleep last night

but the look of concern on his face when he realises youre hesitating makes you nod

‘of course,, wouldnt want my least favourite person to get kicked out’

‘I always knew you had a soft spot for me’

you roll ur eyes aGAiN

‘go bother someone else’

‘oh is the hot librarian in?’

you push him away from the desk

but he doesnt miss the faint smile on ur lips

‘sicheng dont make me give you $100 in overdue book fees’

he sticks his hands up at the threat, his eyes wide

‘no. please. ill do anything’

when u raise an eyebrow at him, he just grabs the book you'd been reading (and not yet borrowed) and walks away

and he winks too

u have to stop your heart from beating out of its chest

and later

its 8pm and the library is officially closing

and for the past three hours you'd been walking to sicheng’s desk and subtly been trying to steal your book back

but every single time hes seen you coming

and pulled the book under the desk or into his lap

away from your grabbing hands

every. single. time.

you tap your foot impatiently at him when its time to continue ur undercover project

and he smiles down at his notebook when he hears u huff in annoyance at him

he dramatically looks up at you

‘do you need something?!’

‘do you want to get suspended?!’

he narrows his eyes at you but stands up anyway

he carefully puts his things in his bag and takes the list of books from your hands

a few of them are already crossed out as having been checked and erased

but theres still a lot to go

it takes you almost three weeks to finally get to the last day

and it had been the same thing every time;

sicheng took forever to pack up

you'd eventually find about ten books each

sit in the children’s section

laugh and chat about your lives while you went through the books

tease each other

and when you'd finished,

he'd walk you home

every single time

without fail

it became a habit that on the Tuesdays he'd stop by on his way to his morning class to drop coffee off for you

because he'd kept you up the night before

and it became easy to lose track of time with sicheng

he was just so engaging

there was no part of you that felt bored or uncomfortable with him

yeah he was annoying and infuriating

but his good book taste made up for it

and his annotations in the margins of the books too

‘is this the last of them?’

he squints down at the page again, counting the books on the table again

its the third time hes counted

‘surely ive read more than this’

‘not from this library ://’

you blow your hair out from your face and look down at the pile

‘you know, I think my manager is starting to get really suspicious of me’

‘why’ he looks up briefly from his book to read your face

but you try and remain calm

‘well she only told me about the markings right. and now theyre disappearing’

he looks at you like ?????

‘well she knows ive been closing up late... I think she thinks I did it’

he laughs ‘you? has she met you?’

you pout and throw a pillow at him

‘HEY! what's that supposed to mean :((’

‘it means ive never met someone who's so protective over books as you’

you think about it, chewing ur bottom lip

‘lets just finish this’

‘do u want to get food after’

he surprises you with the sudden question

and the slight nervousness thats evident on his face really makes you want to say yes

but you have a class tomorrow

and you always try and finish up here earlier on a Thursday night

‘cant :((’

he nods and goes back to readng

theres silence for a while

but you find it comfortable

sicheng on the other hand, feels as though hes just been shot down

like

you just turned down his date

you've kinda noticed hes more reserved now

quiet

but rlly hes just kind of embarrassed

until u say something that gives him hope

‘I,, uh, I dont have plans tomorrow night’

and ngl boy is stunned

‘just if u wanted to go see a movie or something idk’

now its ur turn to be embarrassed

u hope ur hair is hiding ur face as u look back down at the book in ur lap bc no doubt ur blushing

but sicheng is just staring at you

and

before even saying anything

he leans over the gap between you

with all the books

and hovers in front of your face

ur so shocked and ur heart is beating way too hard and fast and ur breathing is too quick to be normal are you having an attack I dont know-

and then he leans forward a little bit more

and his lips meet yours

and suddenly its like a fireworks display went off inside you

and then its almost midnight on a Thursday night and ur sitting in the children's section of your workplace in the beanbags with sicheng cupping ur face and kissing you

he just really needed to kiss you

like more than he needed air

and when u finally pull back

he loves how breathless you are

how you have to fight to keep the smile off your face

how you stare at him with wide eyes

‘so its a date then?’

you blush even redder

and nod

‘ye its a date :))’

but for the next fifteen minutes you sit in stunned silence together

small smiles playing on your faces

until u look at your watch and ur like

‘shit sicheng I have to go’

and his eyes widen bc holy crap u were supposed to leave like half an hour ago

so u both sprint around the library trying to put all the books back

and he meets you at the door again after you've grabbed the keys and made sure everything that needed to be locked was,,, u know,, locked

and when ur walkign to the door again

hes on his phone

u cant see but hes texting his friends about what happened lmao what a softie

and when u walk out together

without thinking he grabs your hand

and u walk home

hand in hand

after midnight

he clears his throat

‘so uh,, when actually is our date’

‘my last class ends at 5-’

‘so 5 it is’

‘are u sure??’

he nods happily

and he presses a gentle kiss to ur forehead when u get to ur doorstep

‘ill see u tomorrow’

but the next day

when u come out of your last class

a little giddy

a little too excited

and see him leaning against one of the stone pillars

effortlessly handsome

you feel your heart flip

and maybe ur just tired or maybe its him

but hes really attractive

like really really attractive

its actually just that youre in love with him

he doesnt see you coming

too focused on something on his phone

but he definitely sees you when you push his hand out to the side and step onto ur toes to kiss him

and u can feel him smile a little as he kisses you back

‘ready for that date?’

‘yeah, where are we going’

‘so I was thinking we could go to the libra- HEY! dont hit me I was j o k i n g y/n jesus christ’

[brinesystem]

man

lifes bittersweet

and im gonna go on a rant? but like, a happy one???? idk man

ill put it under a cut or somethin

uh warning for like trauma mentions, if you skip the first half which is all like solid paragraphs you should be able to move right over it.

okay, so for a summary of my life real quick, and this will be p quick...

born, had no dad, lived in DC when 9/11 hit (like, walking distance to everything, IN the city DC), gained a marine dad, moved around on bases a lot, found out that im autistic and have adhd, bullied a lot in school, moved around more, got two sisters, bullied OUT of middle school, re entered a new school, bullied there too, and tHEN my memory actually starts, cause i started existing in hs?

hs also sucked though? and i was abused and became a csa/grooming victim but only online so i feel weird even taking that label, but i AM one in the end? and was so young somehow??? tbh its worse than im putting it but this is the quick version. was abused more emotionally/verbally, physically threatened at home and bullied in school right? almost lost our house too cause we were MAJORLY BROKE. Like, SUPER badly broke.

We get out of there, my mum actually gets our dad to knock it off, i fail out of hs because they changed the grading rules MID-YEAR and didnt tell me until it was too late to fix my grades for it.

cue mental breakdown, which included losing the ability to read for years, and trauma processing, etc etc. this also includes me becoming disabled, because prior to that, i actually wasnt???? i had some issues, but i wasnt disabled. now i am.

got a service dog, the dad ruined that too because he scared him a lot as a puppy and when we finally got to get him to Stop Doing That, it was too late. then the dog gets attacked twice. in home service dog only i guess now.

and then i realise, “oh fuck wait i have did”

forget about it for a year, realised/remembered it like last year and finally start doing some work with the system, finds out ive basically been fronting for like, 10 years straight at this point. only this year managed to let alters other than Fae front more, because i knew about Fae for years? but i didnt know he was an alter?????? look im dumb okay its fine.

anyways.

point is that like, i dont REMEMBER most of this? this summary type shit is what i remember, and then everything else is either a blackout, or just... blurry.

like theres some details and whatever but its mostly just snapshots, and then before hs theres even less blurry and less snapshots and its mostly just black space.

but.

im here?

like, were all here.

my system, we made it. and were alive?

like, none of us thought wed live to 20 but here i am at 24 and im actually usually happy????

its not been EASY at all, but like... i dont know?

my systems my family and i adore them more than i can put into words. the ‘scary’ ones? love them. im not afraid of them because theyre here and in our system with me and are here to help. ones been helping for longer than ive existed, like??? thats amazing? good job???? fuck.

anyways.

we werent doing okay for a long time, and then we split a lot during trauma processing pt.1 because like. no therapist. i dont recommend doing that btw dont trauma process without a therapist its not worth it.

but like.

a lot changed and i know i split shit and lost some of the memories i used to have. i KNOW that happened, because i remember remembering things that i cant recall now.

which is a weird feeling but im sure you get it.

but like.

im glad we did? like i get it. and i know that some of those alters dont front much/at all/ever anymore, but i think theyre still in there somewhere... and i love them?

theyre great. and they helped us a ton.

and two of the alters that split from that (or the trauma before maybe? idk) integrated and the result is another alter (and a completed fragment) and theyre both amazing too???

i know a lot of people complain about getting more alters or splitting or fragments and such but i just...

i dont know. maybe im just really fucking lucky... and i wouldnt put that past this tbh. but i dont mind it? we function a ton better like this, and its... so nice to see them be able to interact with people?

also theyre both introjects who LOVE interacting with others alters from their source and like

its so nice to know theyre here and happy and found the people they love again?

and i have feelings on introjects and i know theres a lot of drama going on for some reason but like. a part of did is that your relationships from the beginning of your life arent stable, right? and these introjects, they not only have those relationships in theory, but they managed to find them again?? here and now?

they have what we werent able to before, and im so happy for them and theyre delighted about it and its just...

idk.

im really happy sappy and emotional and i just am kind of writing a love letter to my system right now i guess.

cause we made it. were here and tbh this year? sucks ass. the past four years have sucked ass. a LOT of shit sucks ass. but we’re still here. were standing and fighting and enjoying life and just...

one of the alters who integrated is the one who managed to stop us from being suicidal, because he convinced me that like... “if you hate your life, that means youre not enjoying it. so, if youre not having fun, its not a life worth living to you. so have fun.”

and that was life changing for us?????

for ME?

and hes Honey now and honey is joyous and enjoys life to the fullest

but the other alter who made up honey wasnt able to do that.

and now they both are? as honey?

and thats fucking amazing????????? like????

i dont feel like i lost either of them. theyre just Honey now. and hes loving life???

i mean yeah hes got a full range of emotions now which means he can feel sad and angry while the others has more limited but like... isnt that better?

isnt it so much better to feel those?

it feels so much less shallow when youre overjoyed when you know what sorrow feels like. its so much deeper because theres that bittersweet tinge of “it wasnt always like this”

and i think thats what im getting at.

it wasnt always like this.

and it wont always be like this.

but we made it this far...

so i want to keep going.

[tysabrewing-s]

Okay but like can we talk abt how in the newest ep webbys all like w della "i COULD never be as great as u were" and dellas like "hey u dont need to prove anything ur doing good" RLLY stook out to me bcuz like 

in nightmare of killmotor hill one of the main things webby was tryin to get across w lena is that she DIDNT need to prove she was a good person aka not proving anything to anyone 

now this could just be seen as incosinstent writing and overall this WAS just a filler ep and kinda felt off in general and i might just be overpraising the show here bcuz im rlly attached to it but this COULD mean smthing for webbys future character development bcuz frank said smthing abt how webby has some development coming up and it was gonna be long term 

When i first saw what frank said i thought the arc coming up for her would be abt being open abt issues she has w ppl SPECIFICALLY w scrooge bcuz of how he said she wasnt family and i get he was under pressure n stuff but it hasnt rlly been addressed since i think?? No apology or anything i mean maybe it happened off screen but idk it seems to big to just leave it like that to me 

webby in general doesnt exactly have any issues w sharing how she feels tho honestly?? like w my idea it would most likely be realizing scrooge isnt perfect and to not over praise ur idols but we already did that w drake and jim 

i still think my og idea could still hypothetically work tho bcuz while writing this i remembered another thing that wasnt rlly talked abt but seemed important enough to me was lenas death 

i mean there probs wasnt enough time nor did it rlly need to be talked abt and since lenas back anyways it doesnt matter a hella lot and while we're at it we dont know HOW long she was gone so it literally couldve been a week or smthing BUT

What if this like ate up webby to death or smthing like she felt like she couldnt rlly grieve or anything bcuz she should just get over it what if in general she feels like she shouldnt share super duper Deep stuff that bothers her bcuz its been done w for awhile so why even talk abt it just get over it and this plays in w my whole idea of what scrooge said to her 

She lived her whole life in a giant mansion w nobody to talk to for a long time maybe this kinda upsets her?? Maybe she feels unhappy shes stunted so socially?? Why WAS she even kept up there??? But again this happened awhile ago and she has plenty of ppl she can talk w now so why bother w it and just forget abt it 

She isnt exactly a live in the past kinda person tho so my idea is probs bad but i wanted to share it bcuz ive been thinking abt it for months 

ANYWAYS tho my new idea that i feel like could kinda intertwine w my other one would be self confidence issues 

I get this one seems kinda crazy cuz like she literally shows no signs of thinking she isnt that great and im also p sure theres plenty of scenes of her talking good abt herself 

it starts w what scrooge sad to her abt not being family she then starts to think she can never be as good as the mcduck family and she specifically laches on to della w this which is another reason WHY she wanted to one to find that armor so bad so when della gives her that encouragement she just thinks of ways to try to one up the triplets so she can impress scrooge and be apart of the family in his eyes and to also feel good abt her self 

She wants to encourage everybody around her she adores her friends n family and wants them to be happy abt themselves but she just cant w herself 

GOD this post is such a mess afxgchbjh like im probs just over analyzing stuff that doesnt matter and lookin at this character all wrong but whatever I had fun writing this tbh :)

[outragedslime]

1, 6, 16, 22, and 26!! For the ask meme

tysm!!! ill put em under a cut so it doesnt take up half the dashboard dgfjkdfgj i write a LOT SORRY GKFLHG

1. if you were to have Hanahaki disease, what flowers would you cough up?

ough… ok i love. flowers. i love all flowers. but my absolute favs are speedwells? and i guess id also cough up flowers for the person im coughing them up For so id throw in some bloodroot and dogwood..   does this disease work if the love Is requited. EITHER WAY GDHKFLH

6. name five iconic quotes that make you feel things.omg ok the whole experience of all of these movies imma list is like. tremendous. these movies (and show) got a great impact that one or two quotes for the life o them cannot cover the scale of emotion it gave me so… just gdfkh the source is more important than any of the actual quotes i write here tbh. theyre amazing they All made me cry.

1. Sing Street - “Look at her. She races home every evening just to catch that last little bit of sun, have a cigarette and read her papers. She’s always talking about going on a holiday to Spain, but he never takes her. That’s all she gets. Then that tall tree blocks it, and she comes in. I often wonder what she’s thinking about.”

2. Garden State - “We may not be as happy as you always dreamed we would be, but, for for the first time let’s just allow ourselves to be whatever it is that we are.” 

3. Good Will Hunting - “No. No, no no no. Fuck you, you don’t owe it to yourself man, you owe it to me. Cuz tomorrow I’m gonna wake up and I’ll be 50, and I’ll still be doin’ this shit. And that’s all right. That’s fine. I mean, you’re sittin’ on a winnin’ lottery ticket. And you’re too much of a pussy to cash it in, and that’s bullshit. ‘Cause I’d do fuckin’ anything to have what you got. So would any of these fuckin’ guys. It’d be an insult to us if you’re still here in 20 years. Hangin’ around here is a fuckin’ waste of your time.”

4.  The End of the Fucking World - “It’s strange. A lot of the time you don’t register the important moments as they happen. You only see that they were important when you look back.”

5. A Monster Calls - “It’s okay that you’re angry. I’m angry too, and if you need to break things, by god you break them. I wish I had 100 years, 100 years I could give to you.”

ok those are all masterpieces if ur ever stuck on smth to watch i recommend these SDFGHFGJ

16. describe your ideal fantasy outfitaa honESTLY. big chunky ass boots. big chunky ass jacket. big chunky ass bag or belt with weapons and cute little satchels of herbs and whatnot. and a big fuckin floofy dress that is SUPER fancy almost like a wedding dress but it can be like a different colour than plain white. hell yeah !!

22. tell us, in detail, about a curse a witch would put on you.i guess a curse references something i Dont want to happen? bc a lot of the things that ppl might view as curses id actually love (dont mind me im still dying @ that “may your womb be barren” thing). but in terms of smth i dont want i guess an easy one would be that id never experience true content. true satisfaction. true peace.

26. tell us about an experience you’ve had that seemed unreal or supernatural. (doesn’t have to be scary)i didnt have a Lot happen to me? i guess every time i have a recurring dream, or like. dreaming about something and then experiencing it irl? i think i rly believe in dream symbolism idk how it works at All but i rly do think its got like.. some reflection onto your own personal state. the only thing i can think of rn is when once i had a dream that i wasnt myself, and i kept changing parts of myself, like cutting my hair or later turning into some weird mermaid creature (sfhfgj) but like. in that dream there was a lot of children. children in school around me. children on a beach. a baby drowning. a child curled up in a fridge. and these two children, one of whom came up to me with a fuckin Horse of all things and went “do u want penis?” and im like “what” and shes like “my horse :) this is my horse, penis” and im like Odd name but ok and i didnt reply to the kid. anyway that morning i woke up and looked into dream symbolism and children and babies stand for a part of yourself youre neglecting, and horses stand for hm. “  male sexual energy and masculinity”. anyway thats how i found out i was trans GDFHJGH

SORRY FOR WRITING SO MUCH IM RLY EXCITED AND I LOVE TALKING!! THANKS !