#i wasnt planning on updating but suddenly i had this in me lol

[amberlynnmurdock]

Blind Faith (Ch. 11)

Chapter Eleven: Logic Games

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader

Summary: You start noticing things about Matt you haven't noticed before. Nelson & Murdock receives an invitation to the annual Bar Dinner at the New York Courthouse.

A/N: Here's the next update! This chapter really sets the plot of the story. I guess this is the start of "Act 2." I can't wait to read what you all think is going to happen. AHHH. So much more to come! Enjoy!! :)

TAGS: @starry-night-20 @sumsytee @queerqueenlynn @mattmurdocksstarlight @marvelcinematiquniverse 

AO3 Link

Hell’s Kitchen 

Another few weeks have gone by without seeing him. 

You didn’t dare think of his name, whomever he was. It wasn’t fair you gave him all that time, all that attention, all that affection, just for him to take it for granted and hurt you the way he did. Never again. You solidified it by throwing his burner phone in your apartment dumpster. You really didn’t need him to save you anymore. 

At least the last few weeks have been more productive than ever. Instead of going out, you stayed in. You enjoyed the quiet in the apartment. It was just you, your LSAT textbook, and your corner desk that gave you a view of the city. If he ever crossed your mind, it was only for a second. A second that made your heart feel like it weighed a thousand pounds. And the moment he left your mind, the weight was gone. 

Well, it was the summer of falling in love with vigilantes, you’d say. A summer you’d never forget—a story you’d be passing down like an urban legend. No one knew of this but only you and him. 

Summer was almost at an end, but your studying wasn’t letting up. If anything, it only got more intense as each night went on. You fervently highlighted concepts of logic games, reading comprehension, and logical reasoning. You were on your second notebook now, a notebook filled with explanations of answers and helpful tips to keep in mind. It was satisfying to see how much you’ve gotten done. 

You snuck in a few studying sessions before work, too. You started getting to the office even earlier. It was easier to forget him when you weren’t at home. So being at the office was a helpful distraction. It helped you focus on things at hand, not things your mind sometimes betrayed you to think of. Instead of thinking of his hands on your waist, you felt how your office chair hugged your body when you leaned back. Instead of thinking of your lips on his, you felt your lips burn at your first sip of coffee. Instead of thinking of all the times you’ve waited for him on your rooftop, you waited for Matt’s arrival to join you in the office. 

And, maybe you never noticed this before, but you certainly were starting to now. One morning, Matt had come in shortly after you. You did your normal morning routine of fixing him up a cup of coffee, to which he politely declined. Slowly putting the cup back in its place, Matt walked by you in the kitchen, and you saw blood dripping down the side of his face. The gasp that left your mouth betrayed you. 

“What’s wrong?” Matt asked, his brows furrowed behind his dark red glasses. 

“I—you’re bleeding,” you said slowly, as you began to closely inspect his wound. It was coming from his temple, poorly covered by a thin bandage. You grabbed for a napkin and before dabbing his wound, you paused. 

“Can I help you clean it? It’s pretty gnarly. It might get on your shirt,” you offered in a small voice. “And you’ve got that hearing later today.” 

“Yeah,” Matt said after some hesitation.

You washed your hands before removing the small bandage from his right temple. Using the napkin, you dabbed at his wound gently—you couldn’t help but wonder how on earth he hurt himself like this. Then again, he was blind…but you didn’t want to offend him. 

“How’d you get this?” You asked as casually as you could. 

“I bent down to get something in my bathroom cabinet,” Matt explained, “I hit my head on the door. I must’ve missed when putting my bandage on. Y’know,” he shrugged sheepishly. You dabbed his wound and tried to ignore the small space between you and your boss. He leaned on the counter with his left hand, his head tilted in the dimly lit kitchen for you to have access to his wound. You were so close, you could smell a hint of his cologne. 

You found a first aid kit that was nearly out of bandaids in the kitchen. Noted. You would pick some up along with coffee and plates tomorrow. 

“I don’t mean for you to take this the wrong way, but have you ever considered a guide dog?” You asked. You placed a brand new bandage that completely covered his wound. Crumpled the bloody napkin and threw it in the trash. Matt let out a soft chuckle. 

“You’re not the first who’s suggested that,” Matt answered. “I don’t think I could handle a dog. I get by on my own fine, save for a few head bumps.” 

“True,” you felt obliged to agree. “Well, you’re all set. Hopefully, the bandaid lasts all day. If not, I can play Nurse again.” Play nurse. That sounded so wrong, you thought. Dammit. 

Matt grinned, tapping his covered wound. “Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome,” you said. Matt cleared his throat and left the kitchen for his office. You found your place in your seat, closed your LSAT textbook, and began to work on files for Nelson & Murdock. 

Later in the day, before Matt’s hearing, you changed his bandaid again, in his office. Door closed. Karen was on the phone with someone in the conference room and Foggy was locked in his office writing a brief. 

You changed Matt’s bandaid. He was silent as he sat in his chair, letting you clean his wound again. You had nothing to say. But you couldn’t shake the strange feeling you got when you noticed how pained he looked, even behind his dark red glasses. It wasn’t as bloody anymore; it shouldn’t hurt anymore. But you were close enough to see how hurt he looked. Jaw clenched, brows furrowed, eyes closed. He didn’t say anything. Did it hurt that bad? 

⠋⠁⠊⠞⠓

Another day in the week, you were really starting to go through the motions of forgetting about him. It was so hard to forget how he made you feel at night. Not just the way he pleased you, but the way he made you feel safe. How you felt so much yourself around him, a stranger in the night. Except he didn’t feel like a stranger at all. How could you feel so passionately for someone whose identity you didn’t know? 

These thoughts plagued your mind; it was hard to detach emotionally. Emily was a psychology major. What was it she said about physical and emotional attachments? It took longer for emotional attachments to go away? Well, it’s only been a month now. August was upon the city. And still, you thought of the emotions he stirred in you. 

Instead of leaving the office at five, like everyone else, you asked if it was okay for you to study for the LSAT in the conference room after hours. 

“Are you sure?” Foggy asked, scrunching his nose. “I mean, I don’t mind, but I can’t imagine being stuck in the office for more than eight hours.” 

“I want to,” you said, “the conference table is big enough for my books. Plus, it’s Friday night, and my roommates will be loud before they head out.” 

“As long as you feel safe,” Karen added. “Text us if you need anything. It can get pretty dark in this area.”

“I’ll be fine.” An image of him flashed in your mind. You didn’t need him anymore. You never did. 

“I’ll be staying late,” Matt interjected, coming out of his office. “I have a few files to catch up on.”

Karen exhaled a sigh of relief. You appreciated how concerned she was for your safety. “Okay. Okay, good.” After working here for a few months, you understood Karen has probably seen the worst of this city in ways you can’t even imagine. 

“Great! Well, I guess Josie’s is off the books tonight. Unless you guys wanted to meet us in an hour or so?” Foggy asked. 

“Maybe,” you were open to the idea. “Let me know where you are in two hours. And hopefully, I get enough studying in so I don’t feel guilty.” 

“Awesome! Hopefully, we’ll see you later.”

Karen and Foggy left, and Matt returned to his office. You sat at the conference table for a while, completely immersed in your textbook. Your mind felt clear and focused as you took notes and answered practice problems. Copying down explanations, reading passages carefully. 

A knock came on the conference door. Of course, it was Matt. 

“Hey,” he greeted quietly. “How’s studying going?” 

“Good,” you answered, “I’m starting to get the hang of it all. Taking practice tests. Logic games are a little tricky.”

Matt smiled, “Logic games were my favorite part of the test.” 

“It’s possible to have a favorite part?” You asked incredulously. Matt laughed. 

“Sometimes, it’s not about the analysis of the test, but your mindset going into it. Don’t treat it like something you have to do; treat it like a hobby.”

“Interesting,” you thought aloud. “Next study session, I’ll have to think of it that way. I don’t want to get burned out.” 

“Definitely don’t get burned out,” Matt agreed. “You’ll need to be sharp on test day.” 

“I know,” you said, “I’m finding a balance.” He leaned against the wall in the conference room, hands in his pockets. Your eyes trailed down to his hands. You saw how red his knuckles were. Bruised, basically. 

“Did you fall, or hurt yourself again?” You asked him. Caught off guard, Matt looked confused. “Your knuckles,” you added. 

“Oh,” Matt took his hands of out his pockets and kept them behind his back. “You know me.” 

You worried, for some reason. But you didn’t press the situation. 

“You know, I wouldn’t mind helping you with any LSAT studying,” Matt offered, “if you wanted.” 

“I’d like that,” you answered, your mind trailing off from his red knuckles. “I’ll use any help I can get. I don’t want to pay for any tutors.”

“I have some time now?” Matt asked. You thought for a moment. It’s been a while since you’ve done anything else but study, and Foggy’s offer of Josie’s was tempting. 

“Maybe we should meet them at Josie’s,” you suggested. “I could use a drink.” 

On your way to Josie’s, you walked with Matt, his hand gently on your elbow, cane tapping in front of him. You couldn’t take your eyes off his red knuckles the whole time. 

⠋⠁⠊⠞⠓

The following Monday, Foggy got the mail from the box outside. He flipped through the envelopes: bill, bill, Super Lawyers magazine, bill, and then suddenly, a large, tapered envelope with a gold stamp appeared in the bunch. It was from the New York Courthouse. Foggy ripped open the envelope and pulled out another tapered paper, with cursive writing and a gold trim. 

The New York Courthouse cordially invites Nelson & Murdock to the Bar Dinner. Please visit us on Friday, August 18th, promptly at 7 PM. Join us for a four-course meal and open bar. Please RSVP by the end of the week, and who will be joining us from your law firm. Maximum two guests. 

“Matt! Matt!” Foggy came running into Matt’s office, shutting the door behind him. “We got invited!” 

“We? For what? Is someone getting married?” Matt asked brows scrunched, one earplug in his ear.

Foggy sighed, “No, you idiot, to the Bar dinner! Our first invite!” Foggy read the invite aloud, and his face dropped when he realized the date. 

“Oh no,” Foggy said, “it’s on the 18th. I’m going to a wedding. Marci’s cousin—damn it! I’ll be gone the whole weekend. Maybe Karen can—“

“The 18th? Karen’s on PTO. Visiting her father in Vermont,” Matt remembered. “There’s always next year, Fog.” 

“No, Matt—we have to go this year. At least, one of us! And it’s got to be you,” Foggy demanded. “We need someone to represent us!” 

“I thought we didn’t care about these showy things,” Matt argued, “they’re filled with nothing but a bunch of pretentious Harvard grads who only care about rubbing shoulders and money.” 

“That’s true but—can’t we just play the part? For one night? Get some recognition, show these chummy lawyers what real justice is!” 

“By eating fancy dinners and getting drunk?” Matt scoffed. “Come on, Fog. It’s not that important.” 

“Well then, at least take advantage of the free food and make fun of the chummy lawyers. Come on, Matt. Please go. Hey! Take __, too! She would love that, don’t you think?” 

Matt’s stomach twisted at the mention of you, the idea of bringing you to a fancy Bar dinner, as his date. It’s been hard enough on Matt to pretend he doesn’t love you, doesn’t care about you like that in the office—to also go to an intimate Bar dinner with you? And pretend again? 

“Oh, Foggy,” Matt took his earbud out of his ear, took his glasses off and rubbed his face. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?” Foggy questioned, “It would be a great experience for her. Something fun. Get all dressed up, make connections.”

“Make connections with the same chummy lawyers we just talked about.” 

“Not all of them are bad. HC&B will be there, I’m sure of it.” 

“Wouldn’t it be weird, me bringing her as my…as my date?” 

“Matt, why are you even thinking like that? It’s for two associates from every firm. It’ll be coworkers, it won’t look weird.”

Matt sighed, his gaze falling short. “If she wants to go, I’ll go.” 

“I’ll ask her,” Foggy quickly said. “Or—actually, you should. Take her under your wing.” 

“I’ll ask her at the end of the day,” Matt said lowly, regretfully.

Foggy clapped his hands, “I’m counting on you, buddy. It’ll be a good time. Make us look good.” 

Matt forced a laugh as Foggy dropped the invitation on his desk. Matt ran his fingers over the texture of the paper and felt the cursive letters. He flipped the paper and sighed. It wasn’t getting any easier, working with you, talking with you. He was pretending all over again. 

⠋⠁⠊⠞⠓

You and Matt stayed after hours again. Matt wasn’t really working, though—he was building the courage to ask you about the Bar dinner. As you wrote fervently in your notebook, studying the LSAT, Matt listened to you from his office. You whispered to yourself the questions, thought out the answers. Your heartbeat was steady. Calm. It reminded him of how you felt in his arms on your rooftop, safe. Before things went badly. 

Ever since, Matt’s completely thrown himself into his work—and not his lawyer work, but his other work. He went out nearly every night and found crime to stop, at the expense of his body. So much, you were starting to notice his bruises and wounds. When you cleaned his wound that one morning, he told himself he shouldn’t let you help him. And it was worse when you actually touched him. Your touch that transported him back to your roof, when you’d let him touch you all over. He craved your touch again. When you helped him again later that day, the thought was so painful, he had to keep quiet. Keep to himself. Not let you know how your touch had an effect on him. 

Matt entered the conference room, knocked on the door as he usually did. You paused your writing. By the sound of your voice, he could tell you were smiling at him. A smile he can only imagine. 

“Hey,” you greeted him. “Treating this like a hobby.” You said in reference to his advice last week. Matt laughed. 

“Good, good. I still want to help you study, but you seemed pretty focused.” 

“Yeah," you said sheepishly, “I mean, if you want to join me now.” 

Matt felt the envelope in his back pocket crinkle. It could wait. Matt reached out in front of him to feel for the desk. He sat in the chair next to you, his knee accidentally nudging yours—you were that close. 

“Tell me what you’re working on,” Matt said. 

Logic games, of course. You read through the problems and explained your answers to him. Matt felt like he was half there, and the other half he was thinking of all the hurtful things he’s done to you, as your savior. Talking to you like you didn’t exile him a while ago was hard. It was like talking with lead, talking with a bitter taste in his mouth. He pushed these thoughts away, explained his view on certain logic game problems. It was a good distraction, but not long enough. Your laugh in his ears, your scent in his nose, your presence next to him—all terrible and lovely reminders of what he could’ve had with you if he’d just been honest. 

Matt left the conference room as you began to pack your things. He still hasn’t asked you about the Bar dinner. 

When he exited his office, you nearly ran into him as you walked toward him. Your chests collided. Matt’s heart pounded as he fought the urge to pull you in close like that. 

“Oh,” you jumped, “I’m sorry. I should’ve just waited by the front door.” 

“No, no,” he said, “It’s okay.” He didn’t change the distance between you both, which was very close. Matt felt the envelope in his pocket. “Did you need something?” 

“No, I just wanted to wait for you,” you said laughing softly. 

“Oh,” Matt smiled, “okay. Well, I actually had a question for you.” He reached for the envelope in his back pocket and held it up upside down. You gently took the paper from his hands and read the invitation. 

“I was wondering if you’d be interested in going,” Matt said, “with me. Foggy will be out of town and Karen’s on PTO. And he really, really wants our firm to be represented.” 

“Wow,” you said in slight shock, “this is pretty legit. I’m allowed to go?” 

Matt cocked his head and made a “why not” face. “If you want.” 

“Definitely,” you said, holding the invitation in amazement. “I guess I’ll have to get a fancy dress.” 

“I’ll have to rent a tux,” Matt chuckled. “Good. Then it’s a date. Well, you know—not a date, but—“

“I know, Matt,” you said softly. His gaze was down, his expression unreadable behind his dark red glasses. You felt the urge to take them off. 

He was still standing close to you, but you felt an invisible buffer of tension between your chests. An undeniable tension you wanted to get out of immediately—not because you were scared, but because you were curious—which you thought was worse. You swallowed hard. A warmth spread in your stomach. 

“We should get going, right?” Matt broke the silence. You backed away as he grabbed for his coat on the hanger. 

“Right,” you agreed. 

You and Matt walked outside, his hand on your elbow. When you reached the corner of the street, you turned to face him. You found he was already gazing in your direction, behind his dark red glasses. 

“Well,” you began, “get home safe, Matt. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” 

“Be safe,” Matt added, holding onto your elbow as you made an attempt to walk away. You gladly fell back in his grasp. Matt’s hand let go of your elbow. His fingers gently traced the length of your forearm, fingertips stopping at your wrist. Your heart fluttered, feeling his fingertips dangerously close to your hand. Matt pulled away, and offered a smile. 

“I will,” you broke the silence, still feeling his soft touch. Like his touch, your thoughts lingered on the moment for the rest of the night. 

[godlytransurfer]

It’s the way everything seemed impossible about me feeling shit feelings 24/7 for a few weeks now and not getting the furniture update I wanted for my bedroom but I kept persisting and visualizing and I got everything I wanted and everything solved itself.

Within 24h, suddenly the items that they weren’t shipping available to my location and I was able to order it. I got a chance to get free furniture from a family member as well which was a really good offer, I just didn’t accept because I was being really specific about the items.

On top of it all yes I did explode with someone who was asking me why I was feeling down for some time now, but because I have a really firm belief that things always work out for me no matter what, although my emotions came out and I did scream like a bitch due to everything that was deep rooted in the past that I was suppressing for manifestation techniques that weren’t originally my preferred way... it all suddenly dissipated like my worries of the past had never happened. These I had already revised successfully to the point that there weren’t consequences at all, BUT THE GOOD THING IS THAT THIS TIME THE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS FINALLY LEFT EVEN IF THERE WASNT A CONSEQUENCE OF THOSE THINGS FOR A YEAR NOW. THANK GOD.

And guess what y’all... this is the point where everything I had planned to happen next and I felt like I was blocking with my emotions because I knew it was personally better for my own liking and being to solve, finally freaking unfroze and those annoying glass walls finally left my being and that I am closer and already united with everything I know must happen and that I so dearly wish for.

I know I could’ve just extremely revised the old story again to the point of suppressing memories and forgetting, but I still personally felt trapped with my emotions even if everything was better and I couldn’t properly remember some things. Maybe I hadn’t revised well before, maybe this is just my preferred way of solving things within me without feeling like my inner self is having a 404 error (lol) but what matters to me is that at least this allows me to finally feel like the bullshit never existed and I am unstoppable instead of parroting shit without feeling it.

I had previously left this “being method” to hold an assumption that my inner monologue manifested instantly no matter what, but personally for me that made me play out intrusive thoughts to the point where I would fucking get a nosebleed or create earthquakes if I visualized it or got a semi second thought, AND NO ONE FUCKING WANTS THAT SHIT LOL. I’m not trying to hold you back from trying affirmations, I still affirm, just not with that very extreme assumption.Yes it took me to amazing places and I did the impossible in a very short amount of time, but I felt like it was extremely fragile so I would rather combine the optimism of that power with my more stable ways that make me feel safe no matter what.

Soon I will finally feel confident to going back to manifesting things appearing in my room as I wish out of thin air and all kinds of good stuff, because I am really good at it actually. I just want to make sure I maintain my sanity and thrive instead of getting scared and seeing my logical brain trying to find the “how”.

Remember people: This is why we always always always go back to Neville and Abdullah and so on. From the biggest to the smallest things. And I remember you also of course you don’t need emotions to manifest, you need feeling. The thing is personally I prefer to accept that I have always had really extreme powerful emotions and that is always capable of consuming my entire being for YEARS, wether it’s good or bad. Then usually that turns into a feeling for me because it backs it up with thoughts and images and so on that end up sinking in. So even though I can ignore my emotions, I think it serves me and brings me so much more peace to do things this way. It makes it really quick again.

ATTENTION: BY THIS I SIMPLY MEAN THAT I ACCEPT MY EMOTION AND I EXPRESS IT VERBALLY. Maybe I cry and scream. BUT AS I DO THAT, I FEEL THE GOOD EMOTION BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT SHIT LEAVES MY BODY AND THE BLESSINGS COME IN. I AM NOT LETTING IT OUT WITH THE TYPE OF THINKING THAT WOULD IMPLY THAT THAT WOULD STILL BE MY STORY. ITS LIKE FINALLY SLAMMING THE PERMANENT DOOR ON THE CRAP U DONT WANT.

I continuously write about this in case someone is in the same situation as me so it can help you, and because I personally think it’s fun documenting it. So yeah. There u have the latest news ✨

[imfeelingprettylow]

So what if, instead of Adam telling Satan off, God shows up? Humor me for a second I probably am going to suck at this

The ground shook and Adam stood facing this massive beast, who was supposed to be his father. But he wasn't because

"Dads don't just show up after 11 years." As he had said. And it was looking like this very scary thing was going to pass. But Satan wasn't budging.

"So my son abandons me. And all that stand between me and the world is a couple of children, a former hellhound, a witch, two witchfinders, a whore, and two rebellious lovers. Seems God has chosen her champions. A pity. " as he was speaking he transformed, his massive self becoming smaller as he turned from horrifying into a vague humanoid shape. A pair of massive wings, much bigger than any angels, sprouted from human shoulders, and with a blink of the eye, a tall man stood before the lot. He was hard to focus on; immensely beautiful and terrifying to behold, with red eyes. Horrifying blood red eyes.

"So. I'm here. Standing before my son asking him to help me end this war once and for all. But where is your god? She sends you lot, with the hopes of what? You cannot save the world. She has abandoned you as she abandoned me." Satan's voice is heavenly and horrifying, a mixture of growling and celestial harmonies that has the hairs on Crowleys neck stand up. There is a flash of light and suddenly Gabriel is standing behind the group. Why God chose him to speak for her he will never know. He is absolutely terrified, as he walks forward to stand beside Adam

"The lord has spoken to me." Gabriel says, visibly shaking. There is a beat is silence. Satan raises one delicate eyebrow

"And?" He asks. Gabriel swallows the pump in his throat.

"She says to go back to the hole from whence you came." Even crowley, in his fit of terror had to smirk at that. Satan chuckles, his smile agonizing to behold

"And why does she not come to tell me herself? Ah, I know" Satan raises his face to the sky, eyes burning, massive wings opening "Because she isn't THERE "

In the next second two things happen. One, beezlebub appears beside their lord to inform him that hell is as it should be. Beezlebub fortunately appears beside Gabriel because they are afraid to approach their master from behind.

The second thing that happens is, God appears. One would expect a flash of light. And of course there is. But this light is so bright that aziraphale, in absolute terror, must unfurl his wings and moving with the speed of the angel he is, must gather Crowley and Adam to him, to protect them from God's wrath. Because God is pissed.

She appears, not as a human, but as a singular ball of floating light, smaller than a human head, burning with the rage of 6000 years. Aziraphales wings protect his demon and the boy from the full force of her might, and he manages to turn to face her. Beside him, Gabriel has done a miraculous and traitorous thing. In a pure act of kindness, without thinking, he has stepped in front of the Lord beezlebub to protect them from God's wrath. Beezlebub blinks at the feathery wall before them, surprised but unafraid. Aziraphale glances behind to see a singed, but very much alive crowley, covering Adam with his body, yellow eyes shut in terror. God hovers before satan, burning with rage and malice. All of this has happened within the span of two seconds.

"Hello Lucifer " God's voice is, well ineffable. Cannot be described. Crowley and beezlebub both cower in fear, hands over their ears in pain. Satan smirks, pleased with himself

"Hello mother." God's light hurts even the angels eyes. She glows brighter, annoyed

"You must go back into the hole, lucy." The old nickname makes Satan pause and suddenly both Gabriel and aziraphale notice pain; Satan's rage is as strong as God's and their wings become slightly singed. Crowleys head pops up as he recognizes that smell.

"All I ever wanted, mother, was to be loved." Crowley is looking back and forth between Satan and his angels wings. Beezlebub is now standing. Both demons know what they must do

"But you lOVED THEM MORE" the roar is accompanied by hellfire and Crowley launches himself in front of aziraphale, midnight wings open. Beezlebub has become a hoard of flies, and swirls around Gabriel protectivley. Both demons take the full force of the hellfire, as God simply casts it aside. Satan's great roar causes Gabriel to cry out in pain. And God pauses. She does not react to her son's temper tanrtrum. She dims. Crowley had begun to smoke in her presence, beezlebub literally dropping like flies. And God notices this, and pauses.

"My son. I wish not to fight. Neither of us can win this battle. So instead of arguing needlessly I am simply going to make you notice something." She turns to face the lot. Crowley is the one front and center. His love for aziraphale is all consuming as he stares at the Lord. He is not afraid, despite the pain he is in.

"Yes I've seen your champions mother. They are unimpressive." Satan's words cut deep and Gabriel cries out again. Aziraphale is trying to stand, but Adam pulls him down to keep him safe.

"My champions? Odd. I didn't choose any of them" God says. Satan scowls

"You choose evrything. You have had this plan since the beginning of time." He argues

"Well yes, I had hoped things would go this way. But I play with cards Lucy. Sometimes my design is less perfect and more..."

"Innefable." Crowley says, his face full of pain. God dims a bit, and moves closer.

"I think I've been quietly watching things from the sidelines too long. Of course I will continue to do so, for the humans sake. But for my angelic and demonic children, I think I let things go too far... You all are so ready to destroy what I so love." God seemed uoset, which is to say that her light went a little blue. Satan fumed

"Ah yes, the bloody humans. Those frail creatures you love more than your own children" Satan spat.

"Of course. I may have underestimated my children however." God said. "It seems to me that angels and demons are not so... binary in good and evil. It seems that given enough time and energy, they can be almost....human" God smiled at Crowley and he flinched. Aziraphale looked up and over one midnight wing at his lord, and slowly came around, despite Crowley and Adams concern.

"Oh, you mean these traitorous fools? I will not suffer them to live." In an instant there were flames engulfing them all.

Aziraphale thought he was dead. He hurt all over. His eyes were shut and he felt...peace. love. So much love. He opened his eyes to see a sky full of midnight wings.

Crowley wailed and grew to a height unimaginable, casting himself fully into the smiting flames of his master. And this act alone is what made him survive. Pure love. The flames hit him, with all the fury of hell, and he absorbed them, snarling, yellow eyes wide

"You will NOT take him from me!"

The flames engulfed him, and then they were beaten back by his wings, right into Satan himself.

Satan stumbled back, shaken but otherwise unharmed. The flames died down and Crowley lowered his wings, the air around him shimmering with heat.

"You will NOT take him from me." Crowley said again.

*authors note* if I screwed anything up please be kind but informative I didn't proof read this at all lol

UPDATE EVERYONE

Satan stood there dumbfounded for a singular second before his angelic face began to contort in rage. before satan could unleash his full fury on Crowley, however, God stepped between them.

“enough lucifer.” she said, and this time, crowley did not cringe. Aziraphale and Adam peeked out from behind him, and Beelzebub was themself again, standing beside gabriel. God cancelled out the pain around her, and faced off with her rebellious son 

“you are not seeing what you are meant to see. nor are you trying to understand. you are ignoring the reason this all had to happen. you are disappointing me lucy. again.” God was not angry, but she had begun to turn a rather peculiar shade of purple, that Gabriel recognized as disappointment and sorrow. And Satan recognized it too. He looked at crowley behind God, looked at Beelzebub beside Gabriel, looked at his own rebellious son, at the human children around them, and then finally his bloody gaze was upon his Mother. Satan glared, but behind his false anger was a sorrow and pain indescribable. 

“I just want to be loved.” he snarled. Crowley, in all his anger, could at least understand that. Aziraphale, behind him, felt that too and reached fro Crowleys hand, their fingers intertwining. God dimmed.

“you are, my dear boy. I love all my creations, even those that rebel against me. I have always loved you. Even this boy you spawned to destroy my humans, I love him as well. My love does not dwindle, nor does it become overruled by rage.” Adam, in surprise, looked at god and then at Satan. and then he walked right out and stood beside god , her light not harming him in the least.

“you shouldnt hate her so much.” adam said. satan regarded his son with suspicion. 

“your powers are great my boy, but not even you could change the reality of his heart.” Aziraphale said. “his hatred has darkened the love that used to be there.” God dimmed again, becoming more blue than purple

“I think youre wrong.” adam said “I think you havent given him a chance. I think, he let himself get upset and he wasnt thinking straight, and he hurt his friends and now, he doesnt know how to fix it.” adam was speaking from personal experience, and his friends smiled 

satan frowned at the boy 

“so what do you propose we do? we are mortal enemies.” he said, frustration showing. Adam turned to look at crowley and aziraphale, standing hand in hand 

“so were they. all it took for them was...well im not sure. i only just met them. but im sure if you ask them they can tell you.” all eyes turned on the pair, and defiantly they refused to let go of each other, though aziraphale was looking rather scarlet, from the singing hellfire or pure embarrassment, he would never tell. Crowley, tire iron still in hand, looked at his angel and pondered for a moment

“it took a second for me to love aziraphale. on the wall. when he showed his loyalty for humanity and disregard for the rules. it took 6000 years for me to admit that, just now.” Aziraphale looked at his demon in shock and then swallowed nervously 

“well I...I guess it was the books. I mean, I suppose I’d always been...fond of Crowley, I loved his company. I can always indulge and be...me. and then he saved my books for me and I guess I’ve been denying my love for him until...well a few minutes ago. But yes. We were mortal enemies, perhaps for a moment on the wall. But we have always been friends...and then some.” Crowley squeezed Aziraphales hand and smirked. Adam turned back to his satanic father 

“I bet you could learn to do that.” the boy said. Satan, however stood unconvinced 

“what? take a ball of light, the Almighty out to fish and chips? with humans? “ he scoffed. Gods light was now a pure amber color, a color of love and humor 

“I can take many forms, Lucy.” Was all she said. 

“Wait Wait Wait!” Gabriel said, striding forward, Beelzebub following quickly behind “disregarding all of that, I want to know how this is all supposed to play out. we are supposed to have a war! is that not happening?” God turned to her archangel, who promptly took a step back and swallowed in fear 

“there will be no war, my child. I will speak to the angels myself.”

“but you havent done that in...”

“too long, Gabriel. I have been absent for too long. Things are going to change in heaven. as for hell...” God turned to her satanic son, and his angelic face was full of conflict “I am always here for you, my dearest boy. Whenever you need me, ask. I have lots of work to do” God turned then to Crowley, Aziraphale and Adam

“you have all done so well, my children. I am so very proud.” and with that, she vanished, like fog vanishes on a windy day, and they were left there with satan, who was looking rather befuddled. 

“So the war is off, if my son still refuses to destroy humanity.” he looked down at adam, who looked almost bored

“I quite like humanity, thanks. feel free to stop by the wood sometime, if you ever want to play with Dog.” Satan stood straighter, and looked at Crowley

“and you? where do your allegiances lie now? with the angels?” 

“my allegiances have always been with Aziraphale.” the demon said very plainly. Aziraphale squeezed his hand tighter 

“fine. Lord Beelzebub?”

“I...” they looked at Gabriel “I am not sure, master. I think we have more troubling things at hand. the troops need some...alignment.” 

“well, let us go then. I see no more reason to stay. good riddance and all that.” Satan vanished by melting into the ground. Beelzebub spared Gabriel a glance before doing the same 

Gabriel let out the air he had been holding and glared at Aziraphale 

“I have to go. You and I are going to talk more about this after I...figure out what side im on.” his face fell in confusion before he dissipated as well. 

and so then there were three children, the former antichrist, two witchfinders, a witch, a whore, a former hellhound, and two ethereal beings. 

“so...now what?” Madam Tracy said “Ive seen god today. I dont think I can just go back to my flat.” 

“Well I for one have had enough occult presence today, thanks. Can we go home now ?” Pepper said. Adam smiled

“yeah I think im gonna go home. my dads here.” and sure enough, Adams human father was getting out of his car. Crowley, in a moment of exhaustion, wavered a bit, and Aziraphale caught him

“are you alright my dear?” he asked in concern. Crowley smiled, eyes shut in pure bliss 

“yes, angel, I am perfectly...tickety boo.”

*authors note* thanks for all the support!

[tylerwritez]

Tuesday, june 22 2021

I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.

Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.

He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.

Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...

Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.

One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube

Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.

Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.

It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.

Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.

Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)

I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.

I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay  which is apparently really good

Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....

Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces

Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.

In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.

Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.

The time is 3:22 p.m.

Wish me. Luck.

Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.

I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.

But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.

XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.

Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!

Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend

A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Also I might eat her out XD

Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.

I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.

Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....

Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home

Oh wait no now we r goin home

Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.

I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?

Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.

Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.

Yeah I'm cheesy.

I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.

I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.

Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.

Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.

I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...

I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.

If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.

Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪  like whatever lol

Anwyays I'm fucked up

You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?

Convoluted? Is that the word?

Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"

I do Suspect things, though.

I can make a list

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I will.

I shouldnt.

Whatever.

I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone  talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.

I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.

My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.

I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...

And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.

That's also the CEN.

I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.

Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.

Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough

My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.

And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."

Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.

Because I'm not used to that...

Because CEN

I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.

I should kill myself.

I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.

I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.

I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.

DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...

Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?

Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.

But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.

I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.

[sense8screencaps]

If you feel like putting into words everything that went wrong/made you dislike the finale, I'd love to hear it

plotwise, it’s under the read more below! and it’s more of a rambling i had 2 years ago + what i remember 2 years later now lmao. logistically, what went wrong i think i’ve answered before. basically if netflix didn’t give the show a tight timeline for filming the finale, i think things would have turned out smoother. if it took an extra year or two to release the finale, i think it would have turned out with much higher quality and more consideration with regards to like everything really

act 1: the plan

planning and subsequent rescuing of wolfgang in the first 30-40 minutes instead of the whole thing taking an entire goddamn hour. cut out wolfgang trying to kill himself. a waste of 5 minutes that should have directly introduced the chairman.

cut out lito’s meltdown and don’t have rajan show up at all. it was a lazy plot device to help jonas escape and a waste of 7 minutes

will and riley meet up with felix and bug instead of that French lady riley like can we get some more lito and kala instead

will fighting bodhi was absolutely pointless??? An excuse to have a fight for no reason like it wouldn’t have made bodhi trying to stab whispers in the club any different (it would’ve made it better imo coming out of nowhere)

the dani and amanita scene was good but a serious continuity error since the show is supposed to be from the perspective of one of the 8

river el-sadaawi was a completely useless character to introduce like it should’ve just been hoy and yrsa talking with riley

convo between hoy, Riley and kirsty was a solid waste of 3 minutes

act 2: the exchange

rajan should not have been part of the exchange lol just swap him out for Felix and it’s all good

Considering Whispers does nothing in this finale other than being a hot potato passed around by people if he died in the club when Bodhi stabbed him it would’ve made an interesting turn of events

hot take: mun shouldn’t have shown up and a more creative resolution to sun’s story could have been written better

I feel like puck should have been part of this scene somehow

everything else pretty much okay

act 3: the lacuna

instead of staying at rajan’s random friend’s place just say it’s riley’s friend? literally makes more sense that way

no lacuna or bodhi shit. it was all deux ex machina like something could’ve been written better by strictly having old man of hoy and yrsa without needing to introduce new mythology

The lacuna concept felt cheap and removed a lot of what I thought kept the sense8 universe grounded in reality.

The mother was pointless to introduce like they could have gotten yrsa or some shit to get them the info on lila being in naples with whispers or just simply have his damn blockers wear off momentarily for will and wolfgang to figure out where he is instead of some weird old lady telling them her son’s backstory and somehow omniscient power of knowing whispers’ location

If Bodhi really didn’t want to be complacent with her stance on Milton and BPO why only NOW did she bother to take action? Why did the Mother only contact them now when God knows how long this weird zombie shit has been happening?

Also why the fuck did Bodhi not even bother to go with them to Naples to kill Milton? She didn’t want to remain complacent and yet she remained so throughout.

act 4: naples

another hot take: they all should’ve sang “rather be” by clean bandit instead on their way to naples. also diego didnt need to show up lol

capheus, felix, wolfgang, kala in the car. rest is the same

this scene should have happened halfway through at the ~90 minute mark

exposition of talking with lila could have been more elaborate. i don’t like that they cut out lila interrupting their pizza party

The transition to Sun and Riley meeting Alphonse and Sutra was messy and badly edited. Everyone in the cluster suddenly is there too? Like at least give some sort of indication they all went to meet Puck

trojan horse/forcella was good but not written or executed well

Kala should have been with Felix and Wolfgang while infiltrating the Forcella. Capheus should have been driving Nomi, Bug, and Amanita and picking up the rest of the cluster along the way/during infiltration of the Forcella.

“My wife... you’re a killer! Teach me!” seriously uncomfortable with Rajan saying that as if he didn’t sound like some kind of sociopath

Kala shouldn’t have gotten shot anyways it was literally 5 minutes of screen time that could have been allotted to a more satisfying confrontation between Lila, Milton, The Chairman, and our Cluster rather than an attempt to get an emotional response from a shock moment.

Jonas’ last monologue went on for too long; for some reason he really had to explain things instead of just “showing” and letting the audience infer to figure it out (particularly the psychic ligature/psycranium stuff)

the bad guys died in literally the most emotionally unsatisfying way. i didn’t need the chairman in this. say shit about whispers manipulating everyone from the top. the chairman being the zombie of like whispers or lila would’ve been way more elaborate. seemed like the writers somehow wrote themselves into a pit where they couldn’t think of anything better. Will and Wolfgang not confronting Whispers for a final time detracted from the emotional and psychological impact Whispers had on their well-beings.

Also like the bloodbath overall was a bit unsettling considering we saw pretty much everyone we know from the show kill bad guys which wasn’t really justified? Like Sun and Mun just knocked people out and killed maybe 4 or 5 people but damn the rest of them not even the slightest hint of trauma? Idk it was weird and I didn’t like it

my queen lila shouldn’t have died

there was so much bad editing here especially with trying to make it look like miguel/lito wasn’t absent

act 5: wedding

if they just cut out a bunch of the bullshit i mentioned earlier we could have gotten a montage or at least some sequence of the sun, lito, kala, and capheus’ stories getting resolved. maybe even some shit with nomi and the guy.

Cutscene to talking about a penis joke with rajan and kala instead of updating us on Cepheus or lito’s lives? Yeah totally makes sense

Hernando should’ve officiated the wedding

Transphobia curing weed brownie? No thanks

rajalagang... cool motive but terrible execution for the most part? idk i needed more rajan and wolfgang being gayer with each other. but then again if rajan wasnt in all of this it wouldve not really made any difference other than probably having just kala and wolfgang kiss 

the orgy should have strictly been the 8 + hernando + amanita + mun + zakia. no one else.

[spacebabehargrove]

More oc stuff

Tw: death, major character death, mentions of self harm/sh scars, chronic pain

Veil is a psychic and can communicate with ziggy and sol

Sol and veil are mine, Chet and ziggy are Toni’s @harringrovetrashrat

I cried like four different times trying to write this lol

-

Veil sat at the edge of the bed, sighing.

Everyday was hard. It only seemed to be getting harder. For gods sake, veil had a whole breakdown over finding one of Sol’s hairties the other day. Sol spoke up in her head.

“Good morning angel face.” Are her words. Veil sniffled as the tears start up.

“My face isn’t all that angelic when it’s crying sol.” She says. Sol refutes with a

“You’re always an angel, even if you’re crying.”

Sometimes veil can’t help but laugh at what sol says. She’s so sweet and funny. She always has been. Chet is still asleep behind veil, which is probably why ziggy hasn’t spoken up yet.

“Let’s get you dressed veil.” She says softly, and veil nods with tears streaming down her face. It’s always hard in the mornings.

“What are you feeling today baby?” Sol asks.

“Soft and loose” veil tells her softly.

“Grab that black sweater I have. The knitted one you got me.”

“I got that so I could steal it from you.” Veil reminds her as she puts it on. The scars on her neck aren’t covered by this one. But veil didn’t really plan on going anywhere today. She didn’t go out much anyways.

“You’ve got those black sweats I have, or the black skirt you like.” Veil chooses Sol’s sweats. They’re huge on veil, and she has to pull the drawstrings as tight as they’ll go in order for them to fit. Even then, they’re still big. But veil loves them. Theyre Sol’s.

“Baby, you want some gloves?” Sol asked. Veil looks down at the scars across her hands. When has she even done those ones? She didn’t like those ones all that much. They were really puffy, and still a bit red. They spanned across the top of her hands like they were spiderwebs.

“I’m okay sol. I think I’m just gonna stay here today, unless Chet needs to go somewhere.” Veil says as she stands.

“I feel like such a creep, stalking you.” Sol says and veil chuckles a bit.

“There’s my pretty smile.” Sol says. Veil smiles for a second before more tears fill her eyes. The smile wobbles for a bit before veil breaks out into sobs.

“I’m sorry baby.” Sol says gently.

“Not your fault sol.” Veil whispers as she walks out the room to the kitchen. Veil hasn’t been eating all that much. She’ll cook for the others, but she hasn’t been eating a lot. She almost feels like she’s lost some weight.

Grief will do that to you.

Veil walks to the fridge, opening to see what she’ll make the others for breakfast.

“Can you eat something for me?” Sol asks gently. Veil sniffles, her eyes red and puffy as she looks to the counter.

“A grapefruit?” She asks sol.

“That’s perfect baby.”

Veil picks up the grapefruit, a spoon, and some sugar and makes her way to the table. She looks over at the spot sol would sit. Sol always sat next to veil. Whatever the occasion was. At a restaurant, at home, on tour. Wherever it was, sol was always next to veil. It was their thing.

Veil starts to cut the grapefruit, sighing as she does. That itch is back. The itch to hurt her skin again.

“Veil baby, focus on eating.” Sol gently reminds her. Veil tries to snap back to what she was doing, but it keeps coming back to cutting. She sets the knife down, the grape fruit only half open.

“I can’t do this sol.” She says softly as she stares at the grapefruit.

“Sol i-I can’t-“

“Baby, baby it’s okay.” Sol says gently. Veil is sobbing again.

“Go join Chet.” Sol says. So veil stands and makes her way back to the room, where Chet is waking up.

“S-sol said to come join you.” Veil said softly. Chet has a pretty good idea why sol told her to join him. He’s half awake, but his heart is still hurting.

Ziggy visited him in his dreams last night, the two of them cuddling in bed. It was rather bland, he supposed. If ziggy could visit them in his dreams, then why didn’t they go to France? Or New York?

Neither of them wanted that though. They much preferred cuddling in bed and talking.

Ziggy talked about his time with sol. Sol was worried about veil, and so was ziggy. Chet promised to keep an eye on her. Chet talked to ziggy about his life, as if ziggy wasn’t watching every move he made. Chet knew he would never move on. Yeah, he’d fuck around with Thad, but nobody could take ziggys spot. Ziggy was understanding. As much as ziggy wanted Chet to find somebody to make him happy, they both knew neither of them wanted that.

Ziggy was it for Chet. If Chet died an old man who never married, so be it. At least at that point he’d be lucid enough to talk to ziggy more. Ziggy would scold him. Tell Chet he needed to not think about being an old man, he was gonna make ziggy feel old. That was just how ziggy joked. And Chet was so thankful for that. Chet didn’t think he’d make it thru this if ziggy wasn’t like that.

As veil sobbed in chets chest, he held her tight. Sol visited him a lot too. They played football, but sometimes they’d sit and watch a game together. They got a lot of talking between them done. Sol made him promise to take care of veil, as if Chet wasn’t already planning on doing so. If veil and him were the old couple across the street when they grew older, Chet had no issue with that. Veil was a sweet girl anyways. Veil was a sister to him. Of course he was going to take care of her. Chet asked the same of Sol, and of course sol promised him. Sol and ziggy may not have been as close as Chet and veil, but they were surely getting there. Sol gave updates on ziggy. Telling Chet how ziggy called chets outfit ugly the other day. Granted, it was pretty ugly. Even sol agreed with that one. Sol talked about what ziggy and her talked about. Ziggy was so funny to sol, she was glad he was the one she was stuck with in wherever the fuck they were.

Veil looked up at chet.

“It’s starting to hurt.” She said quietly. Chet nodded softly. He knew veils body fucking sucked. It caused her so much pain. He hated that.

“Z-ziggy says he loves you.” She says softly to Chet. Chet smiles softly down at her.

“I love him too.” He tells her softly. Veil nodded and held onto chet a bit tighter. That angry fire started to rush across veils skin. The kind of fire that burned hotter and hotter with every passing minute. Burned so hot that all of veils thoughts seemed to vanish. Including her way to talk to sol and ziggy.

“Don’t leave me sol.” Veil sobbed softly as she gripped onto Chet tighter. The pain in veils voice caught Chet off guard. He looked down at the girl, tears in his own eyes as she sobbed.

“Don’t leave sol…please don’t leave.” She cried out as the pain finally flared higher. Her soft sobs turned into pain filled ones. Nothing sounded pretty. Sol always said veil had a certain way of making everything sound pretty, calm, comforting. Even veils crying was pretty somehow. But this wasnt. These sobs ripped thru Chet harshly. It sounded as if she was actively being murdered in his arms. It was horrible. Her sobs sounded like jagged glass. Chet held her close to him, unsure of what else he could do. From what sol had told him, there wasn’t much he could do.

It was such a shitty thing. Even after veil had been clean for going on two years, those scars still gave her so much trouble. The doctor says something along the lines of, the constant trauma damaged a lot of her nerve endings. The type of scars veils body produced ended up hurting her more than helping her. She has chronic pain, and there’s no sign of it ever going away. She’s been prescribed medicine, but they only help so much. When the damage is all over your body, there’s not much medicine can do for you.

“You left!” Veil suddenly cries out when Sol’s voice quiets down. This upsets veil even more. Chet rubs her back softly, kissing her head.

“She’s right here veil, she’s still with us. I promise she is.” Veil’s sobs worsen.

“I can’t here her!” She cries. Chet’s heart hurts even more hearing that. Chet wishes things were much different. He wishes ziggy was here to help him out. He wishes sol was here to help him out. He knows veil feels the same way.

It’s the other way around sometimes. Veil holds Chet as he sobs, screams, begs for his lover back. Begs for his best friend back. The two of them switch off. Except for the days they’re both a mess. They stay in bed, sobbing and holding one another until they fall asleep again. It’s hard. It’s so fucking hard living without the two most important people in their respective lives. The grieving process is horrendous for the both of them. It’s a pain that never seems to go away. And in veils case, a pain that will start another one. Chet holds veils small figure in his arms, looking down at her. No wonder sol was so obsessed with veil. She’s the perfect girl it seems like. It’s how he felt about ziggy. Sure, there were many men in the world that Chet thought were hot, handsome, lovable. But ziggy was it for Chet. Ziggy was his favorite man.

Veil must have been Sol’s favorite girl.

They spend a good four hours in bed, until Veil is too tired out to cry anymore. Until Chet starts to watch her eyes close. Chet decides he wants to see ziggy. So, he closes his eyes and drifts off with veil in his arms.

Chet ‘wakes up’ in the living room this time, ziggy hitting his bong next to him. Chet grins wide, seeing his lover next to him.

“Hey Baby!” Chet grabs ziggy close, ziggy giggling hard.

“You’re gonna ruin my hit!” Ziggy complains, but with a huge grin on his face. Ziggy holds chets face in his hands, moving into his lap.

“You’re a good friend to her, Chet.” Ziggy says, talking about veil. Chet smiles.

“She’s amazing, how couldn’t i?” He asks. Ziggy groans.

“Sol won’t fucking shut up about it.” He rolls his eyes, but they both know he is just joking.

“Is sol saying the same thing about you?” Chet teases. Ziggy grins.

“Perhaps.” The two spend the night kissing, watching some late night television. And when Chet wakes in the morning, it’s as if ziggy was there the entire night. When veil wakes, he can tell her and sol had a good night. She wakes up happy, for the first time in what seems like months.

“Ziggy says good morning.” She says softly.

“Good morning ziggy.” Chet says.

“Good morning sol.” Veil says softly before sitting up. The two of them start their morning routines, feeling at least somewhat better than the day before.

[sequoiann]

❧ h.js | assassin!au

pairing; seventeen joshua x reader

genre; bulletpointed, assassin!joshua, fluff, doctor!reader, mentions of blood

collab with; @kpop–fics

tags; @lunarjihoon

notes; my asssassin!aus are getting waaay to fluffy for a supposedly dark au i’m sorry everyone AHAHA but hope you like this one!!

joshua assassin!au

did you think you were gunna get some dark shua

SIKE

jkjk

he’s the medic ??? of the team 

idk what you wanna call it but

he basically cures everyone on the team

and prevents them from dying lol

no i mean seriously joshua is seen as the florence nightingale of the group 

but ok he does go on the missions too

since he has the most advanced knowledge on medicine and stuff like that ,, he can make doses that can kill their targets

basically poison doses lol

andddd he’s always busy 

like 

he doesn’t have time to rest 

AT ALL 

because

every day 

like every single day

after every single mission

there would be at least one wounded member on the team 

“smh guys can’t you be more careful” 

“YOU TRY IT THEN” 

“...nvm” 

he usually does the behind-the-scenes work and not the actions aha

& he usually gets really worried when someone gets injured bc he knows how bad it could get

it could go from 

“seungkwan got a scratch on his cheek”

to

��SEOKMIN HAS HIS INTESTINES RIPPED OUT JOSHUA SAVE HIM” 

like what the fuck guys

well 

no matter how busy it could get 

it was something he did like doing 

he liked the feeling of being important to the team 

and 

the fact that he could make the members feel better

but surprise surpriseeeeee

he actually didn’t plan on becoming part of an assassin team 

all he wanted was to become a doctor 

but 

since his group of friends pulled him into this 

,,,

why not 

they were all childhood friends and had promised to stay as a group when they were still really young

and their friendship had remained strong throughout the years

so sure

they need someone to look after them anyways

it was kinda funny to imagine that they would be nowhere without him 

seokmin would probably have his kidney hanging out of his body or something

but today, it was joshua himself who got injured 

they were on a mission to kill the president of a corrupted company

so all of them went,, since the building was really big

and jeonghan stayed in the car as standby

jihoon too,,, he was just monitoring them aft hacking the building’s cctvs

soo for those in the building

they were moving tgt, although pretty spaced out

joshua lagged behind the group bc he was on the lookout

but suddenly someone just grabs him from the back and joshua managed to kick him off

but that man came back and just flung him

shua was practically thrown against a window + shelf while trying to attack back

and there was a huGEE gash running up his upper arm

resulting in his arm bleeding a waterfall of blood

apparently the company had higher security than they had predicted so

abort mission for real

when they were in the car + when they got back, joshua couldn’t do anything bc ,,,

i mean ,,,

how tf is he supposed to treat himself

soonyoung was just pressing a thick cloth onto the wound but it wasn’t of much help really

everyone else would be able to help with minor wounds but this one was asdfgkl

,,, joshua wouldn’t be able to help even if it happened on another member

it was that bad

and ok jeonghan knew how to stitch wounds up 

but they don’t have anesthetic

so he couldn’t stitch the wound up bc joshua would probably die from the pain first before dying from blood loss

and joshua was just getting paler and paler by the minute

this wound just couldn’t get treated by any of them

“i think we need to get you to a hospital”

cue joshua pouting bc he never really liked hospitals

the doctors never really cared

shua had a few hospital visits when he was younger

none of them being good experiences

like omg the doctors act as if everything can be cured by ice packs

got a bruise? have an ice pack. 

have a stomach ache? have an ice pack. 

broke your neck? have a fucking ice pack.

like do i look like a moron to you

ok back to the story

seungcheol was kinda hesitant at first but 

1. he knew their assassin group was pretty private so no one would recognize them 

2. shua was gonna die and

3. shua is screaming

ok not really screaming screaming

but making weird grunting noises

of pain

whatever 

he needed to live

the team needed him

so 

an hour later 

joshua and everyone else were in front of the local hospital 

andddd you worked there as a pretty experienced doctor

so! 

suddenly

that night

a horde of men just run into the hospital like a fucking tsunami was chasing them lmao

“is there a doctor available?!!!” 

you were the closest to them and you didn’t even have to ask who’s injured

bc this,,, brown-haired guy,,,, in the middle of all of them,,, being held up by 2 guys,,, was literally red

like i mean everything was red

except for his face which was ghostly !!! white !!!

but his clothes were soaked in his own blood and his flesh on his arm was cut open and it was so deep and just

omg it was really really gory

you were pretty shook

“did you guys murder someone or something??”

everyone just gave each other awkward glances 

like um techincally yes we did

you quickly led them to a room and did all the procedures

aka stitching of the wound

but you didn’t allow the whole group of them to follow you in bc you counted 13 of them in total like nonononono get out all of you

so only seungcheol followed

you stitched up joshua’s wound after injecting him with local anesthetic to numb the area

and seungcheol had to look away bc ew

joshua was still really pale tho like the amount of blood he lost was ,,, a lot ,,,

“i think he’s gonna have to stay here for a day or two,” you told seungcheol

seungcheol just nods and leaves and you try to call him back to sign the papers but he juST LEFT 

you were dumbfounded like okay so you’re just ?? gonna ?? leave your friend here ???

but joshua (you learnt his name from seungcheol while you were stitching up joshua’s wound) was asleep

and reasonably so

he would’ve been really weak and tired, considering how much blood he lost

you couldn’t help but stare at him for a while bc he,,, looked ,,, cute

there was a little frown on his face but he still looked pretty relaxed

and his features and everything were just so perfectly sculpted ajdskjfh

ok no y/n you’re a professional doctor stop it

so you let him sleep in the ward after updating his medical reports

and you were on night shift so you were gonna stay in the hospital through the night

you went on your daily rounds and settled more patients

but when you went to check back on joshua about 4 hours later

mEJIK

pOOf

hE wAs gONe

the hospital bed was empty ,,, with just a few cash notes lying on the sheets

o and a little handwritten note too

which just said “thanks for stitching up my wound & taking care of me”

and the amount of cash beside the note was the exact fee he had to pay

okay maybe a few dollars less but that didn’t really matter

what mattered was that hE wASN’T WELL ENOUGH TO LEAVE YET

the wound would open again if he does any strenuous activity omg

but that worry didn’t last very long bc you had other patients to take care of

you couldn’t keep him on your mind like that

fast forward a few weeks later

joshua’s wound !! has healed !!!

not completely but the stitches are out (yes he did it himself) and the wound’s pretty closed already

but he still wasnt in prefect condition so he was sent on a fairly simple mission

which involved killing someone again

but this target was hospitalized 

so it was an easy task

all joshua needed to do was to insert the poison,,, venom thingy,,,, into that person’s IV

but no 

it didn’t go as well as planned

he realized that the person was staying in the same hospital as he was previously

but he didn’t think much of it bc he was here for only a short while

and his identity wasn’t really recorded soOooO 

he just went into the target’s ward, acting as a visitor, a regular mask covering his nose and mouth

and a casual cap over his head

i mean he looked pretty normal

and the target was soundly sleeping

joshua pulled the tiny vile from his pocket, quietly grabbing the syringe from the nurse’ table at the corner of the room, filling it with the poison and injecting it into the IV

“what are you doing?” 

joshua threw the syringe under the bed and stuffed the empty vile into his butt pocket and turned around

shit 

out of all doctors, it had to be you

you ran over, pushing him aside, ripping the IV out of the patient’s arm

the patient had woken up, obviously alarmed and confused

joshua looked away, afraid of being recognized by both you and his target

he quickly turned and walked-jogged right out of the room

you quickly told the patient to just go back to sleep first and ran after joshua

but by the time you got out, you couldn’t see him anywhere 

so you just ran down the hallway, pulling out your phone and calling the hospital’s security.

“hello? someone just entered the---”

you didn’t finish your sentence

the door of the storeroom on your right opened and someone grabbed you, placing a hand over your mouth and pulling you in

your phone was snatched out of your hand and that person switched your phone off

the door got locked but the hand was removed from your mouth

you were about to scream but when you saw the perpetrator’s face ;;; 

“joshua....?” 

you recognized him almost immediately 

he was one of the patients you wouldn’t forget easily

besides, he just came in a few weeks ago

joshua smiles a little when you remembered him

“hey.”

“what the hell? why were you in the patient’s room? what did you put into the IV?” 

your voice was getting louder and louder, causing him to widen his eyes & place his hand over your mouth again

he shushes you

“stop speaking so loud!” 

you stare at him like ??? i’m speaking loudly?? you’re the one who just tried to kill my patient???

joshua couldn’t reveal anything so he just ,,

“that guy isn’t good.” 

you were so pissed like did i ask that ????

joshua just changes the topic suddenly like nothing happened 

and he thanked you for the other time

“i know i haven’t thanked you face to face yet, but thank you. it’s a lot better now.” 

you looked at his arm where the wound was, but it was covered by his sleeve so

nvm 

he smiled at you again and you wanted to scream at him like

stop !!! smiling at me !!!!!

he was so cute you really couldn’t take it 

and so you just snatched your phone from him and left the storeroom 

but not before joshua makes sure you “don’t tell anyone about anything” and “pretend he was never here”

like ok i totally can do that 

he honestly didn’t seem like a bad guy

he seemed to hv good reasons

but no your morals got to you

you had to report him

he nearly killed someone

but before going to the security, you went back to your patient’s room to check if he was fine

but the moment you stepped in

you got fuckign strangled

by your patient

he was shouting something like “are you from their team?! did you just try to kill me?!” 

you were just helplessly clawing at his hands while your lungs contracted

you panicked

but suddenly the pressure on your neck disappears and you just crUmble to the floor

joshua had kicked him in the face and he was sprawled on the floor now

joshua grabs another syringe that was from his jacket pocket and just stabbed it into the man’s neck 

and the man just went unconscious

you were still,,, on the floor,,, spluttering and wheezing

joshua rushed over to you 

“are you okay?” 

he pats you a bit, and he suddenly just reaches around your neck gently, his thumb caressing your sore skin

when you could finally breathe again, you were just

“what was that? did you kill him?” 

joshua shook his head.

“it was just a heavy dose of general anesthetic.” 

that was joshua’s back-up.

you heaved a sigh of relief ;;;  joshua would’ve gotten into huge trouble if the man died 

you got really suspicious of joshua bc of what the man had said to you so you started ,,, cautiously ,,,, questioning joshua

and joshua told you. bc he trusted that you wouldn’t do anything.

and you didn’t !!! bc he just saved your life ,,, he was obviously a good guy

everything he said made sense too sooo okay

so you became a new “partner” of his team

you always helped the members treat their wounds and everything whenever they got injured

it was fun

and joshua liked to make jokes about how “getting injured isn’t bad now, i get to see you” 

:”))))) 

[flockofdoves]

was trying to think of a way to divide up ocs on toyhouse so i don’t get too embarrassed about them yesterday but then it turned into just trying to list like every character i’ve ever made the vast majority of them i’d never put on toyhouse lol. but this was fun for myself even though i definitely forgot chracters and even whole stories from when i was younger

kinda old (definitely need updating they’re from when i was 17/18 and haven’t done much in recent years but nonetheless are my most recent ocs and i would probably like to do something with them someday still):

all the alienated characters - raul and michael primarily, also side characters like their relatives (lennie, joaquin, marcell, maybe also shinsuke, natalia, nina, naomi, hana, leela, etc) and friends (still need to name them lol) etc

justicia (less set on doing her story any time soon compared to alienated, but still theres something to it i might want to work with someday)

pretty old (like i was 16-17)

gf debate characters (this is actually older than a lot of the ones i list as even older in this list but i kept working on them til i was like 17 so they hold up better even if i don’t want to finish making their story anymore) - isaac, micah (micah is literally kinda from when i was 12 lol but i brought her to like 3 different stories and she was a boy in the first one too so shes basically not that character anymore), and then side characters like mirabel (originated in same story at 12 as micah), ayçin, anna, micahs mom and her wife, micahs cousin (another one from that old story) etc

those ocs that literally none of them have names or barely personalities i only ever did character sketches and basic concepts but its like a ghost story thing i was gonna do - 12 y/o baby butch protag, the ghost girl, baby butch’s trans girl cousin, cousins trans guy friend

really old (characters from when i was like 14-15 that did not really develop much from there. most of these are characters i have had fun with and maybe drawn since but are goofy and don’t hold up in a lot of aspects and most of them i’ll probably never pick up for stories again)

football lesbians - monica, wanda, and rania

pigeon magical girls (technically maybe i actually finished a very abbreviated version of their origin story for a school art project when i was 15 lol but i planned to do more back then and now i dont want to) - zehra, ronni, the pigeon, probably not amy and zoë that was just a cameo for myself of ocs from when i was like 11 lol

naomi’s story (this one i might actually want to do something with someday, i wrote a short story about it plus a bit more, but i have to make some serious changes i don’t really think i thought of some of the implications of some stuff in it before) - just naomi and the ghost basically. not to be confused with naomi in alienated who is michael’s sister they are not at all the same person

assorted characters that never really had a story - mels and cvijeta, charlotte (thought about putting her in football lesbians. she does basketball but. jock wlw you know)

really really old (characters from late middle school, like 13-14)

uhhh that wizards story. it never had a name idk. i still kinda like them though tbh even if i’ll never do anything with them anymore - tess, ali, nataline, brandy, mo, remora, cnidarian

really really really old (characters from the middle of middle school, like 12-13. at this point my recollection of what came before what might be kinda off tho)

that fae folk in pennsylvania and ohio story - emilia, ilana, micah (first version! lol), mirabel, that boy that i just hate and don’t remember the name of and resent making a character that had a crush on micah, micahs cousin, darling/angel (a faerie that just went by terms of endearment as if they were names), uhhh the second group of characters in a different more rural town i tried to write that i dont remember the names of

haunted victorian house story - benji, aisha, elizabeth

updated onex arget (fantasy world i wrote about a lot when i was in elementary school) story - nai, rieae

idk this story never had a name and barely a plot beyond ivy and victor becoming friends and venting to each other - victor, ivy, miles, maitê

forks and spoons (story i improvised with my little cousin who was like 8 at the time lol) - florimundi(?), i’m forgetting literally all 3 of the other characters names lol (maybe reese and victor for two of them??? but maybe not bc those are also other very old characters that idk if i reused the names of)

theo and ted - theoni and theodore (aka theo and ted!), oh also that guy they meet who wears like. a trench coat iirc

super old (characters from the later half of the 6th grade and early 7th, like 12ish)

really dumb story about a closeted trans person with did getting transformation powers - i actually dont remember the main character and their main other alters names anymore, i remember the other character they had a crush on stephan though

all those characters in bands that i never actually could settle on a story for beyond a variety of interpersonal drama. very inspired by the webcomic jenny hanniver tbh - avery, mark, etti, adrian, xavier, pepper, uhhh theres literally So Many more of them and also so many i dont remember the names of anymore but just for some that come to mind. that periwinkle colored hair in a bowl cut character that always wore a beanie who was in avery’s band whos names on the tip of my tongue (maybe that was etti and the character i’m calling etti was called something else?? maybe victoria? maybe andy? maybe andy was an entirely different 3rd character?? idk. actually yeah i’m positive bowlcut character was etti rereading this), xaviers ex-boyfriend who was obsessed with homestuck (lmao), that guy with red hair i accidentally directly ripped off the design of some jenny hanniver character, that goth guy with braces and glasses (maybe he wasnt in this?), that screamo band with 2 lead singers, that guy with brown hair that said he was straight with an exception (msfdkjghhsfd god), that person with the emo haircut in flame colors, this literally is not even all the characters lol

extremely old (largely from 6th grade, like age 11ish. weird period of time where i suddenly wanted to write about romance but thought it had to be straight but then very quickly was like ‘wait actually nvm i have a laptop now and think i’m bicurious i’m only gonna write about gay people)

gsa story (this might have been the summer before 7th actually but it feels distinctly before the other stuff in the last category so idk maybe just my whole impression of when i made things for middle school is off) - emmy(?), allie(?), noah(???), some other kid, i think noah(?) or the other kid got reused to be the guy i regretted making a part of that faerie story who liked old micah lol, maybe more kids, their teacher

idk that kid with blue hair and black eyes with white irises and his sister

middle school lesbians - leah and cass

lesbian who works in food service and there were weird references to comic books but filtered through me referencing an obscure emo humor youtube channel that made jokes about comics i’d never read - amy, zoë, amy’s straight best friend i dont remember the name of??

tosca (this wasnt straight romance but it was like the last thing pre me always having lgbt main characters) - idk. there were two characters i drew like once. theres nothing to note about this except wanting to make it is what made me learn about webcomics

that story i posted the first chapter of on quibblo about a hippie girl (somehow in 2010?? dont ask me) and an emo boy liking each other before abandoning to never write about cishet romance again. didnt even get to the romance part lol - i forget her name. maybe it was april? maybe it was florimundi and i reused it later for another character, nix, reese (her goth lesbian best friend. thank god for reese)

first attempt at straight romance. also about like. idk. fantastical powers in clouds in providence rhode island - selia, shay, cassandra, selias other friend i forget the name of??

ancient (literally elementary school ocs. obviously theres a lot of grades covered here but its just my memory and ability to reference this is so loose idk if i could even try to accurately divide it further)

shadow magic - mezzaluna, her aunt tabby(?), alexa

a, j, & j (barely counts i didnt do anything with them. those are the only characters also)

arine (some of these characters might not be arine characters and just from other onex arget (fantasy world i wrote a bunch of stories in and made a shitty conlang for and stuff) stories but i just dont really remember) - lia, lias sister, dibujurm, that other fantastical creature who was friends with dibujurm i forget the name of that kinda looked like calcifer from howls moving castle but fuzzy not an actual fire (maybe isigo??), emiaelaesa, that obnoxious prince (i think the story was called arine bc that was his name?), the prince’s servant, there absolutely were more

the musical adventures of shiri and don - shiri, don, some evil villain and his henchmen

rosington (there were like no characters besides her. weird junie b jones rip off with nonsensical humor to everyone but me)

that tree prophecy story (maybe set in onex arget?) - nico, emi (?? maybe not her name), their uncle (i forget his name, maybe lester?), their uncles shipmates, that fortune teller

idk some kid that goes on a scavenger hunt to solve a mystery on vacation in like bermuda or something where he meets some quirky girl character who helps him. thats all

i had some characters that started out as me trying to draw characters from the book hoot by carl hiaasen but for some reason then turned into my own ocs and looked nothing like those characters were described and also basically had nothing to do with them in personality and action beyond name after a while. - beatrice and napoleon. this was in a phase where i got a ‘how to draw anime’ book and napoleon straight up looked like a yugioh character his hair was ridiculous

those fake siblings i made up and lied to a substitute teacher in kindergarten about me having 6 siblings because of for absolutely no reason even though i only have one sibling irl

imaginary friends i shared with my brother and then made stories about - theres so many of these, the most important though was chick-chick-chick. who was a very small chick who wore a top hat. and then he had a family(?) of infinitely smaller chicks (chick-chick-chick-chick, for example) the more “chicks” you added to the name

[survivor-guyana]

Episode 9 - "I have a bad idea......" - Tim

ummmmmmmmmmmmmm okay. so yk how i said I had a bad feeling? my bad feeling came TRUE klajdflskfajsdfa APPARENTLY when I thought everyone was on board for the Dani thing, all of my closest allies (Except for Tim, love that bitch) wanted to blindside SAMMY!!! in the process,,, blindsiding ME!!! so lets backtrack a lil,,, the dog emoji alliance (consisting of myself, Sammy, Tim, Chelsea and Devon) got exposed by Devon to Alyssa and Jess, and suddenly everyone knew about it lmao. AND Devon exposes the plan to get Alyssa and Jess out to alyssa and jess, and APPARENTLY there was a plan to get Maynor out??? no bueno for me. not at all. Alyssa/TJ/Maynor/Jess all explained why they did what they did,, and honestly? I totally get it lmao. as long as I'm included and I know about why they did it, I totally get it. I MEAN I may or may not have cried,,, but i'm at peace. ALSO,, i'm gonna try and give alyssa the benefit of the doubt and say she's on my side? it might not,,, seem smart sklafjdslfk BUT but but BUT,, I know I have the numbers and will keep having the numbers if Jones's Angels continue to thrive, yk? we just have to make sure that we're all on the same page from now on,,, then we'll be good!! Knowing that Jess and Alyssa were able to explain everything to me,,,, i really appreciate that yk? I appreciate when people are open with me, and I try to be as open as I can be too. so knowing that they did that made me feel a lot better about it :) but devon,,, oh devon. he's being super sketchy?? like he's trying to make it seem like he's the innocent one that DIDN'T flip on me when I know full well that he's the one who snitched on the alliance? like,, he doesn't know I know, but I can't get a good read on him, and that's p sketchy to me. I think I handled the exposure well though,,, I can't just blow up at people and cry, yk? which I didn't (except to alyssa but she understand why I cried skaldkjf) so yeah!! F11 baby!! guess i'll die!!

Samuel leaving was honestly amazing for my game. His goodbye message not so much. However, if people will strike I just hope it's not this round. I do see people trying to take me out over Alyssa. She's way more connected and people love her.

Devon put himself into such a hole right now and I'm kind of living for it? I think him being the one to make this move happen will put a giant target on his back or at least put some seeds of doubt into others about him. I don't think I'd use my idol on him though.

Jones not telling Alyssa or myself about knowing Sammy was coming for us is her official first strike. It has put her on "Jess's Watchlist" officially. I don't CARE if she was "waiting" to tell us or if it "Wasn't that serious" you fucking tell us. That just proved to me I can't trust Jones and she's acting in her own self interest.

The MOST concerning thing about this current Jones situation is.... how easy Alyssa is dismissing the current situation and all of its red flags. Am I missing something? Because someone who we thought we trusted and have an ALLIANCE WITH.... knew about a plot to get us out, didn't either of us tell us, and is now mad at us for leaving her out of a vote to get out Sammy? LIKE WHAT? This just fucking proved to me that those two are mega-close and I'll be dropped the INSTANT I become useless. As soon as I threw a little bit of Jones doubt Alyssa's way she wanted to call with Jones? LIKE GIRL. I WASN'T BORN YESTERDAY.  RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE. THESE HOES AIN'T LOYAL.

Tisk Tisk Tisk. I come back to the game and I see to my genuine surprise that Sammy has been eliminated from the game. I am genuinely shook. To my knowledge, Jones, Devon, Sammy, and I are the only 4 that voted for Dani. Someone who I have no idea is, voted for Chelsea as a security plan. The other 7 votes went to Sammy.

To my knowledge, Chelsea flipped on the group?? Which to me is super dumb and no benefit at all??? But then again it could be Devon who is lying to me.

UPDATE: DEVON IS LYING TO ME AND CHELSEA IS INNOCENT. 

Devon you lying mothertrucker lmaooo. I am so disappointed in Maynor and TJ especially for not informing me or Jones about the plan. Now we look like Boo Boo the fool. I am pissseddddd lmaoooo and I wasnt even that close to Sammy its just the principle behind it all. Aidan disappointed me too because I had told him that the vote was Dani ahead of time in order to gain some trust with him and this mothertrucker didn't even tell me what was going on.

What is even more funny to me is the pathetic damage control that these people call themselves doing. I am.... disgusted. But DEVON is literally lying to my face and I am on the verge of confronting himmmmmmmmm.

That was HUGE for my game! Sammy was playing a huge role, but I dealt with the circumstance poorly afterwards.

I am afraid that Tim, Jones, and Chelsea may lead a strike against me next round. If TJ and Maynor were smart, they would join that strike and knock me out.

My gameplay has been aggressive, but to the point where I may be losing jury votes. Hopefully I can lay low and keep the target off my back....who knows.

I want to win this immunity because everything is still up in the air. It may not be me leaving but at the same time it can be. Im just nervous from last tribal.

Well, this should be a fun round; not only for rebuilding but for strategizing the next move. How do I position myself correctly.

General groups that I have: Me, Alyssa, Jess, Devon, Jones, Maynor Me, Jones, Maynor, Tim Me, Dani, Aidan (with the help that came with last round)

So obviously my target should be Chelsea or JD because those connections are as easily there, but I feel as if there are divisions I need to make in other groups like Jones, Maynor, Alyssa (even though Maynor just told me he would go for Alyssa). So is this the round to cut those ties, or is there a different plan... I'm glad I'm not the center of attention right now, but damn.

I am so sad that i messed up this challenge, I have full faith that I would have been able to do it too lol all well, shit happens. I feel like my name will be tossed around cus it would be an easy one I think. We'll see if I decided to play my idol or not :) 

Also, im not sure if I brought it up here or not but I am playing the game different then i ever have before. Rather then  ... Caring about the game I am just doing what I want. Telling people what they want to know, or basically if they ask me a questions I am gonna tell them the answer to the best of my knowledge. Including, who said what :3

This round one of the angels will go home. I promise you that. I feel like it could be either me or Jones but Maynor and TJ are also on the table. Me and Jones had a talk about what we think we should do this round and we mentioned blindsiding Devon. All we need is 6 votes and we think we can get them. TJ, Maynor, Chelsea, JD, Jones, and myself would be that 6. All we have to do is try and get Chelsea and JD on board which is gonna be the hard part.

Jones wants to hold out on the Devon plan but I reallly dont want to. The time is NOW.

I am pushing for JD to go. She called me a threat in comps and i dont need that to be in anyone’s ear right now. I hope this works cuz need her gone.

JD or Chelsea?!?! Idek.

This round is so messy....JD is the biggest nut case in the history of Orgs....Let's pray for tonight

Damn, Maynor really got over 2000 on his counting score. He did THAT. I swore my 1200 was going to beat everyone but he killed it. Anyway, I'm pretty sure Devon, Alyssa, and Jess want me out because we have not talked in the alliance chat since Sunday, when Sammy got voted out. Alyssa has reached out, but Jess and Devon had not, which leads me to think that they want me out. I am incredibly disappointed if this ends up being true. Tim brought up voting Jess and at this point I am not against it. I would like to work with JD, Jones, Tim, Aidan, and TJ, even Maynor if possible. Even though we haven't talked much, none of them give me any vibes of being total sneaks. *shrugs* idk, im probably gonna go home tonight so oh well. This has not been the best game for me but since I just got voted out of my other game, I'm willing to be more focused and make alliances if I do happen to stay another round.

If I could describe this round in one word it'd be: MESS My name is being thrown out so in the words of Devon "Uhhhhhk". I'm not too sure if I'm in trouble. I don't even know. I want soooo many people out at this point.

Omg. All chaos broke loose. JD finally coming out to play huh. It looked like Chelsea was leaving this round but JD may have caused her own downfall. I hope because i want JD to go.

So listen up here's a lot of Tea on this messy round:

I have a bad idea... If the two inactive people came online I swear I could make something shake sjdhs but Chelsea and JD are in and out like they're doing the twin twist.

(Tim approaches JD about voting out Dani by using her vote along with Chelsea, Jones, TJ, Maynor, and Tim ofc to get her out. JD then decides to say "fuck all that lmaooo" and runs back to Dani.)

Like JD are you DUMB why would you run back to Dani and tell her I said her name when IM making an effort to play the game with YOU especially considering that you're on the chopping block???

So I came to JD about maybe voting out Dani instead of her and Chels and she went back and TOLD Dani. Now Dani thinks Im pushing her name. She then runs back and tells TJ and TJ tells the Angels and then the Angels do damage control ajdhdbs.

Chelsea made a group chat of Me, Jones, Aidan and TJ with JD IN ITTTTT to talk about the vote tonight after I've told her that the vote is JD. Sis..... She then REMOVES JD and creates a big ole mess lmaoooo. I expose Devon to her and warn her about where Aidan's loyalties lie. The angels DIE of laughter and insanity. JD aka Justgonna Digmyowngrave is hopefully going home and thats tea.

This vote is a fucking MESS and so many things happened and changed but I think Tim might be going home? or JD? But I don't want Tim to go home but I guess I have to learn how to be a good ally and not always get my way.

Honesty I'm just taking the game a few rounds at a time and really trying to situate myself comfortably.

okay,,,, JD is cracked right now. lemme see if I can list what she did in the past 4 hours? hmmmm okay: - she told Tim that she wanted to vote Jess - told Dani that Tim, TJ, and myself are voting for Dani - called Chelsea and TJ a final two - according to Dani she's still being shady skskksks

AND JUST SO YOU ALL KNOW,,, I haven't talked to JD this entire day??? so like??? IDK WHERE SHE'S GETTING THIS INFO,, BUT clearly there's at a printer or something bc these aren't fax. likee,,,,, you really can't just show up to the game 10 rounds late JUST BECAUSE your name's getting thrown out. like,,, play the game or don't sign up for it, ok? it's not fair for the other people who actually came to play ig. idk. she's really making this easier for everyone else tho,,,,

ALSO okay, so i love Chelsea. but she made an alliance and added me (without asking me btw) AND LIKE,,, ahhhhhhh!! she also added aidan,,,, like,,, I love aidan,,, but of all the people to add to that groupchat,,, she chooses aidan? isn't he like, not trusted?? idk??? um but yeah now i'm in a new alliance with chelsea and aidan so that's nice :) more coverage on my entire ass. TJ and Tim are also in the alliance so that's cool too, and Maynor knows it exists this time, which is gucci. so yay :) hopefully everything works out? who knows, time to cry!!

Please tell me something isn't going on... I'm shaking in my fucking boots... or socks at the current moment.