#i wasn't the only middle schooler who was queer

[depvotee]

I really don't think enough people get how isolating it is to be the queer kid that has absolutely 0 novels of romance for them tbh tbh

[neil-gaiman]

Had to make an entire account just to tell you this, and I'm sure you've heard it before, but I figure it never hurts to repeat it--what you've done for me as a queer person, specifically with Good Omens, has rewritten my perspective on every piece of media I've ever consumed. When I watched the finale episode, it was about 2 a.m., and I remember being confused as to why I was so shell-shocked, why I couldn't talk about it for weeks afterward, and still can't without my chest tightening like a middle schooler at her first concert. Sure, it's emotional, but so are a lot of stories, and none of them have impacted me in the same way.

The thing is that to my bones, I had this certainty that it would never happen. I've watched/read queer love stories, ones that ended happily and ones that didn't, ones as side plots and ones that are the plot--but if I ever encountered one with actual uncertainty, with the double-meanings and the overemotional turmoil, I thought, "Oh, that's how it's going to be," and I resigned myself to wait for the writers or the actors to say they're TOTALLY together, we just didn't need to be obvious about it. And Good Omens isn't, in the trailers, wholly about a romance. Of course it is, but there's some plot squished in amongst all the romance, so I thought it would be one of those uncertainty-stories, where I'd know and you'd know they love each other but we didn't need to make a big deal about it. I didn't think they'd say it. I certainly didn't think they'd kiss. I watched Crowley stalk up to Aziraphale and grab him by the coat and I still thought, "Nah. Not gonna happen."

The only writers who had ever represented people like me in relationships like mine with any authenticity, who gave value to the drama and the camp, were romance writers. If it wasn't in the romance section, I was resigned to being a side note or a shoo-in, a love INTEREST instead of a love STORY. And I didn't realize how earth-shattering it would be to be, for lack of any suitable word, Jane-Austened like that. Can't speak for all queer people, but I just wanted to thank you for giving that to me and my partner--who still, for the record, cannot do much more than giggle like madmen at gif-sets and plot how to get our other friends to watch it too.

Thank you. That means a lot.

[unclewaynemunson]

Thanks to a conversation I had with @frankenstein-ate-my-left-shoe and @stevesbipanic about this post by @piratefishmama about Scott Clarke helping middle schoolers with sexuality crises I wrote a lil something :)

Scott Clarke has been worrying about Eddie Munson ever since the boy first set foot into his classroom. He was tiny for his age and thin on the verge of being scrawny, with big, scared eyes in a pale face. With his long, dark curls he was the kind of boy who would unavoidably be called names for being too much like a girl, and Scott wasn't surprised that it only took one week before the boy came in with his hair all buzzed off, pulling even more attention to his expressive eyes instead.

Scott was known for worrying about the nerdy kids, and even though it wouldn't be obvious to everyone right away, he immediately noticed that Eddie was one of those. He wasn't the kind of nerdy kid who would sit in the front of the classroom, hanging onto Scott's every word while avidly scribbling down the secrets of the universe that Scott liked to share. No, Eddie was the other kind of nerdy kid: the kind who would often be called dreamy, or imaginative, or quiet, or lazy. The kind who would retreat to the back of the class and get low scores on their tests because they were spending their time sneakily reading comic books underneath the table or staring out of the window with their mind completely elsewhere for hours on end.

Middle school wasn't an easy place for kids like Eddie, as Scott knew all too well. The only thing he could do, as a teacher, was try to make it a little bit more bearable for him. He was glad when the boy took him up on his offer to spend his lunch breaks in the science classroom instead of the cafeteria or the playground. Soon, it became a habit that Eddie would be on the other side of Scott's desk reading his way through some big book while Scott was grading papers or preparing his next lesson.

Scott knew that with patience and kindness, all kids like Eddie would eventually come out of their shell and start trusting him. So he asked about the books Eddie brought first, proceeded to topics like music and games he liked to play later, and eventually could ask him about his home life.

Whenever he'd talk about his books or his music, Eddie's eyes lit up and his smile widened. Scott soon found out that, when Eddie was at ease, he could talk a mile a minute and bounce around the classroom, caught up in his stories with all kinds of excited hand gestures. At those moments, he was nothing like the quiet boy with the haunted look in his eyes who Scott met two months ago.

But Eddie never disclosed much about his personal life. He didn't mention his mother even once and he didn't tell Scott much more than that he was living with his uncle in Forest Hills because his dad was “unavailable” to take care of him.

Scott doubted whether Eddie was much better off living with his uncle than with his father. Judging from the meager lunches he brought with him, the shabby and ill-fitting clothes he wore, and the fact that the man never once came to drop Eddie off or pick him up at school, Scott was skeptical, to say the least.

He started worrying even more when one day, Eddie lingered in the classroom after the last lesson of the day, saying he wanted to ask him a “science question” with a certain dread in his eyes that Scott had never seen there before.

“There's nothing I love more than a good science question,” Scott quickly reassured him. “Tell me, what is it?”

“The other kids,” said Eddie, “Brendon and Mark and, you know... They call me names.” His voice was soft and his eyes were aimed towards the ground as he spoke. “Queer. And fag. And...” He shrugged. “Y'know.” He raised his head up again, big scared eyes meeting Scott's.

“I – I think they're right,” he said, almost in a whisper. “How can you stop being gay?”

And oh, this was a conversation Scott had experience with. He had been a teacher at Hawkins Middle School for almost two decades and there had always been kids he worried about, who would open up to him about this exact topic.

So he sat Eddie down at his desk and patiently talked him through everything the boy needed to know; God knows his trailer park uncle most certainly wouldn't. He told him all about science and nature and feelings and, most importantly, being perfect the way you are, no matter who you love.

More than two hours later, Eddie finally left the classroom with relief in his eyes instead of dread. But Scott kept worrying: Eddie's uncle hadn't so much as called the school to inform where Eddie was. Who was looking out for him after the last school bell rang and the kid rode his bike out of Scott's sight?

Not long after that conversation, Scott finally got to meet Mr. Munson for the first time. He was one of Scott's last appointments of the yearly parent-teacher evening, and Scott half expected him not to show up. But he was right on time, even though he looked almost comically out of place when he walked into the science classroom.

He was exactly what Scott would've imagined of a man living in Forest Hills: washed-up jeans and a worn-down flannel, cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth, and a gruff frown hidden underneath a faded gray trucker's hat. He walked up to where Scott was seated behind his desk in a few big strides, and Scott couldn't help but think that there was something almost intimidating in merely the way he carried himself. Not exactly the kind of man who radiated safety for a boy like Eddie.

They shook hands and Scott felt rough callouses press against his own chalk-stained fingers.

While Scott talked Mr. Munson through Eddie's grade list – a list that at this point was barely enough to get him into the next grade – Mr. Munson didn't say anything. Only when Scott asked him if he had any questions, he opened his mouth.

“How're the other kids treatin' him?” the man asked him in a thick southern accent.

“It's not easy for him,” Scott answered in all honesty. He wondered how much Eddie told his uncle about what his days at school usually looked like.

Mr. Munson bowed his head. “I know,” he mumbled.

“Eddie is a sensitive kid, he –”

“I know what kinda kid he is,” Mr. Munson interrupted him immediately. It sounded sharp and Scott wondered if he should be worried about Mr. Munson having a temper.

“Of course,” he cautiously retreated. “I just assumed, since I've never seen you at the school before, sir, that you might not be aware of what exactly he has to deal with in here.”

“Maybe you should do less assuming, then,” Mr. Munson answered bluntly. “You think I should be at the school more? Drop Eddie here in the mornin', come pick him up in the afternoon, all that?”

Scott wondered if Mr. Munson was mocking him.

“Well, I think it might be good for Eddie if –”

“You know why I ain't never at the school? 'Cause I'm tryin' my damned best to keep that boy's stomach filled. When should I be at the school, exactly, between my day shift at the quarry and my night shift at the plant?”

“I – I'm sorry,” Scott backpedaled. Suddenly, the frown lines in the tired face of the man in front of him had gotten a different meaning. “I didn't know. You're right, I shouldn't have made assumptions.”

“Look, I dunno how much he shared with you, Mr. Clarke, but I know he looks up to you. So I think you should know that he's the kinda kid who got in trouble at home for bein' “too sensitive.”” He shot Scott a meaningful glance. “Boy was cryin' to me on the phone, 'cause of what his daddy did to him, so I picked him up and drove him here and I made it my mission, as his uncle, to protect him, to shield him, and to take care of him as best as I possibly can.”

Scott had always prided himself on being a good judge of character. He wondered if he had ever been more wrong about somebody before in his life.

“I know he thinks highly of you, Sir,” Mr. Munson continued. “And I'm very grateful that you're keepin' an eye on him when I can't. But at some point, he may trust you with some very personal information about himself, and you better have his back when he does.”

He knows, Scott realized with a shock. He tried to give Mr. Munson a reassuring smile, but his heart was beating in his throat with what he was about to tell him.

“I was a sensitive kid, myself, Sir. I promise you Eddie is in good hands with me.”

Scott wondered whether Mr. Munson caught the message in those words while a long silence stretched out. Their gazes were locked: Mr. Munson's eyes were bright blue, completely different from Eddie's but just as expressive. His gaze softened while the seconds passed and underneath his graying beard, his mouth twitched.

“I was a sensitive kid, too,” he eventually said.

And Scott's jaw nearly dropped to the floor. This man, with his big calloused hands and his trucker's hat and his undeniably manly demeanor?

His feelings of astonishment must have been visible on his face, because Mr. Munson chortled softly.

“Didn't see that one coming, did ya?”

Scott laughed, too, making the last bit of residual tension between them disappear. “I'm sorry, Mr. Munson. I had no idea.”

“'S okay,” Mr. Munson said. “'s good to know that Eddie has someone lookin' out for him here. Um –” He scraped his throat. “I um...” He abruptly averted his gaze back to his lap again, where his fingers were nervously fumbling with the cap he was holding between his hands.

“I always make Eddie dinner,” he finally said. “'S one of the few things I can do for him, y'know. It'd probably be better for me if I took a quick nap 'tween my jobs, but it's the only time of the day we got together. I'm not much of a cook, but I try to get him to eat somethin' healthy and warm, and we talk about stuff, whatever it is he wants to talk about. So um... If you ever wanna join us – that is, if you don't mind comin' to the trailer park... We don't have much, but I'm sure we can fit another chair 'round the table. I think it could be good for Eddie.”

Scott could barely believe what was happening. To think that only a few minutes ago, he had been worried about this man having a temper or being neglectful towards his nephew...

Wayne Munson was shy and soft-spoken and he loved Eddie with a passion that sparked a fierce protectiveness. And after having Scott judge him based on the way he looked and a bunch of false assumptions, he showed him nothing but genuine goodness.

He felt his lips bend into a smile more authentic than he'd been able to give in a while.

“I'd love to join you sometime,” he told Mr. Munson. “For Eddie – but I also wouldn't mind getting to know you better,” he added in a sudden spur or braveness.

And he could swear that something suspiciously like a smile matching his own was hiding beneath Mr. Munson's beard.

[danggirlronpa]

i love your blog so so much ty for being a f/f safe space in the m/f and m/m dominated dgrp fandom 🫂 pls drop some maki or celes queer hcs i love my little red eyed girls

ofc!! <3 Already did Maki, so here's finally the chance to get into my Very Thorough And Specific Celestia Gender Headcanons, Buckle Up

(Warning for discussion of internalized transphobia throughout!)

This is going to be a curveball even for people who share the trans girl Celestia headspace, but I actually don't think that Celestia realizes she's a girl at any point we witness her in canon.

Celestia. To Me. Is engaging in high school equivalent of drag. Because she's playing out a persona she was in roleplay forums as a middle schooler. If you're a Young Teen, going on the internet, finding a roleplay website, and going buckwild was a lot of people's Baby's First Queer Experience. There were so many websites. They used to have sections of the Quizilla dedicated to it.

And Celestia is...obviously the type of person who lived on those forums. Look At Her. Look At How She Acts. This is a girl who is committed to The Persona. Celestia had a Twilight OC with eight names that she religiously played as daily until everyone collectively decided Twilight wasn't cool and she summarily locked it up forever. She loves a guise.

"Celestia" is an extension of that. Hope's Peak is a brand new place! No one knows her name! No one knows who she is! It's the perfect place to practice her Roleplay Craft. Look at how Feminine TM "she" is! (Wow wearing these dresses is so nice. Celestia loves these dresses. Anyway TM) Look at how prim and proper "she" is! Celestia is a character come to life, V3-style, except her GM is completely aware and in control.

I don't think, in THH proper, she ever gets past this. I think in Celestia's head she's always Faking It. She's always Pretending To Be A Woman, Haha, JK! She's always got the out to recede back into when one day someone learns she Isn't A Real Woman. It was just a play! You all just got played!

There's only one time I think we ever see a hint of Celestia who truly understands and embraces that she's a girl. And that's here.

This is my favorite art of Celestia, because it's the most genuine she's ever been in her entirely life. She's blushing! She's engaging in silly antics instead of just demanding they stop! She's doing silly teenage "I am YANKING YOUR FAKE EYELASHES OFF" threats instead of sexually charged adult "I am STEPPING ON YOU PIG" threats! This is the only glimpse we ever get of a Celestia who lets the mask slip in a real sense, not just because she's angry. This is a Celestia who's willingly let her guard down enough that she can get flustered and mess around.

And I really think that would be the catalyst for her. I think Celestia being forced to acknowledge "Actually I love this life, and I love this long hair, and I love make-up and dresses, and I love being called Celestia and grouped with the girls" is one of the biggest steps towards vulnerability she'll ever make.

In a world where Summer Camp and UTDP really explored their own implications, we could've seen more of this Celeste. But since we didn't, I cling with love to my headcanon that, even though it's not where she changes her name or buys her wig, This is where Celestia starts to heal.

[my-castles-crumbling]

YAYYY CAS!!! SO EXCITED FOR YOU TO GET A NEW JOB IN A MORE SUPPORTIVE WORKPLACE!! Trust me, it can make all the difference

As for working with middle schoolers; as a recent middle schooler... please don't take this the wrong way, I don't want to scare you and I also don't know where you're situated bc that can affect it, but don't take what kids might say to heart. Middle schoolers become a lot more vicious than primary schoolers, and a lot of them feel lost and blindly follow beliefs they see on the internet/their friends or parents. They usually don't really intend it, it's more for a show, but the amount of rampant disrespect, ableism, racism and queerphobia is insane (as I'm sure you know). Some kids will treat you differently if you're openly not cis, and they'll be nightmares. But please know that there are many more kids in the back of the class who you are inspiring to be themselves, who may not openly say anything, but you help with their identity so much. I promise, I was one of those kids in the back of a queer teacher's class, and that teacher, although he never knew it, is part of the reason I'm okay with being queer today, and I will remember him forever because of that.

Also just know that stickers are an AWESOME bribery tactic, if it comes to it. I don't think that ever changes tho, no matter the age group. The smelly ones especially have a practical black market going on

Thank you, that means a lot. It's definitely difficult to be an openly queer teacher, so knowing that it makes a difference is huge.

Can I make a suggestion? You don't have to take it, of course. Maybe send a letter or message to that teacher you mentioned?

I ask because, used to teach 4th grade (ages 9-10) in South Carolina (very homophobic religious area of the US) and I got in a lot of trouble for telling students not to call things 'gay' as an insult, etc. I told them homophobia isn't okay. I almost got fired because of it.

I really didn't think it made a difference, and I was getting pretty depressed. I ended up leaving because my wife and I decided to move up north, but I honestly wasn't sure it had been worth it to do all that.

And then I got a message from a former student who told me they came out as nonbinary and queer, and I am the only teacher they've ever had to be even remotely supportive of queer people. I literally cried reading their message and I printed it out and I still have it to this day. Like, (in a completely humble way) knowing that I made a difference in ONE student's life is enough to convince me that I will never be quiet about being queer, on the off chance there's another student who needs visibility in their life.

All this to say, that teacher might really appreciate hearing from you. It might make as much of a difference to him as he did to you.

Also, good to know smelly stickers are universal. How do we feel about smelly erasers and smelly pencils?

[ultfreakme]

What makes me more angry about the whole "Jon needs to be a child again" is that it doesn't really make any sense to do that now, like?????? how would that even work? he is almost 18 now, he has a boyfriend, that would be super creepy, and the most annoying part is that this is more about Damian than it is about Jon as a character, I'm so fed up with Damian fans, I'm sorry guys, but DC is not going to make Damian queer and make him date Jon, it's not happening, and I would love if DC stopped making this one shots stories of them in the past, it only fuels this people, It's time to make stories of them in the present, My dream story is to have a double date of JonJay and Damian and his girlfriend, I think it would be super fun.

Yessss say it!! This is all so true. Jon being aged down is more about Damian than Jon. Jon gets nothing out of being younger, all of his plots as a 10 year old was dependent on Damian or Clois. He never had a solo story like Damian back then, there was never enough investment in him alone, and frankly he wasn't bringing anything new to the table despite being the kid of a superhero like Superman, his backstory and motivation were just Clark's and his interest in journalism was all Lois(Which btw, never got utilized well so what was the point?). Now though, he's carrying two solos and has a character arc and supporting cast that is specific to Jon. His goals for being Superman are more complicated than "dad's doing it so I'll do it".

Controversial; I don't think people who want Jon aged down are fans of Jon as an individual character. When they do talk about him, they never mention the conflicts he has on his own(Goldie the cat dying, Eradicator & General Zod outright calling him and abomination, being seen as a future threat and weapon) He wasn't some chipper sweet sunshine baby all the time who 'helped heal' Damian amd is the light of his life or whatever. He was just as argumentative as Damian and they were bickering kids. I think the only part people miss is his dialogue with Damian. Jon genuinely loves Jay and they're compatible, Jay's literally made for Jon and they work well.

I wish they'd stop with the kid Jon stories too, the only one that I enjoyed was the Belle Reve one, because it showed exploration of his queerness a little and his introduction to it. Otherwise, the rest are pointless and are reiterating things we already know. Chances of Damian being queer are next to nothing, he's never had any queer coding intentions by his writers(unlike the other Robins, maybe not Duke, I don't think he's been written with queer coding either). On top of that, you can't have Superman dating a middle schooler.

And yeah Damian and Jon are still friends. This time, I think they're better, proper friends. Back then all they did was argue, now they're having deeper, meaningful conversations and helping each other's missions. We see them have conflicting views; Damian saying Jon being Superman is inevitable when Jon had talked about his hesitance as a Super, Damian and Jon disagreeing on how to approach facing the dark army in dark crisis).

I think right now, Jon's the most interesting he's ever been. I would really love a double date issue too! Sorta like a homage to batcat and clois's double date issue would be cute.

[symphonic-scream]

The Phantom Queers Notes

Thanks to the ever patient Cap for putting up with me gushing about them nonstop! Love you cap

Anyways. Ahem.

Firstly; the Noir's mural. I said it was based off of official art from Mementos Mission? Yeah so I wanted to add that image to this post so anyone who hasn't seen it can see it and know what I meant

So it's like this. But with more vines.

And now onto the notes

Haru's dad slowly adapting to his daughter being with someone like Makoto and just,

Okumura: invite your wife to our next brunch. I'm ready to have a meal with the person who makes you glow

Haru: are you ready for that? Neither of us want to push you

Okumura: I'm ready. I love you, and you love her so much. It's about time I let you show me such

This is after like. Eight years of him knowing Makoto. There were some very awkward talks in the beginning but mans did his research! He knows how to be respectful!

He even frames a photo of their little family and keeps it on his desk, with little trans and lesbian flag stickers in the corners. He updates it every year as his grandsons grow older

(THATS RIGHT I HAVE MORE ABOUT THE SONS YOULL GET TO LEARN ABOUT THEM)

Teenage Makoto and Haru going to see a spy movie as their first date as girlfriends, Makoto nervous because sure Haru knows she's trans already, but what if-

They end up making out halfway through in the back of the theatre.

Haru: this was lovely! We should go on some more dates, yes?

Makoto: y-yeah! That would be very nice,

And Haru gives her a goodbye kiss, a full one right out in the middle of the street, waving her fingers with a little wink as she gets on her train, Makoto just standing there watching her new girlfriend walk away with her heart beating out of her chest

Their first place together is a dorm at university. They push the beds together to make a double, though they sleep so closely they'd only need a single. Little flags on the bag of the door, little polaroids from dates and hangouts with their new friends on a wall, the way Makoto's study space is sparse, with clicky pens and things to safely chew on, and Haru's having plants and life and so many colours-

Makoto finding out Haru's actually pregnant and just. She's so relieved. She didn't ruin it all for her love,

But Haru would've been so happy either way, even if their kid didn't have Makoto's eyes or, like their second and third, her rebellion and cute little nose-

Okay gonna lay out the sons real quick! They have three sons; Seiji is their first born, has Makoto's sharp red eyes, Haru's curls, and a general softer shape to him. When he's like middle school age he goes a bit emo, remains into dark colours and music. And he loves to cook! Loves food

Then there's the twins, Kazuto and Hiroto. Dark curls, Haru's softer eyes, but they have that Niijima spark, they look more like Makoto did as a kid. Identical twins too! Pure evil. Menaces. Cunning and with sharp grins, their moms are lucky they aren't into arson

Sae, just barely out of university, now the legal guardian of her little brother and just. Sitting there as this little middle schooler comes out to her, and-

Well. She has to do everything she can for her sister.

Makoto: here, let's look at my childhood photos

Hifumi: you, do that? Look at photos from before you transitioned?

Makoto: it's different for everyone. I'm fine with it, I know Yusuke has a select few saved, Futaba doesn't like it for other reasons-

Makoto: I did change my name though. We have nothing that remains with my dead name on it. That is where I draw my boundaries. I cannot handle hearing it on my worst days

Hifumi: I see

Makoto: it wasn't me. And while I'm not as feminine as you or Haru, I'm still a woman

Hifumi: I'm starting to make sense of this all, thank you so much

Makoto: that's what family is for, sis

-new note-

Haru: if you want to discuss, hm, reassignment procedures, with someone, I know Yusuke is rather open about his. He'll even give you his professional's number

Hifumi: why are you saying it that way?

Haru: Makoto has, a thing with. *Hospitals*. So, I tend to reword those things

-new note-

Makoto: I'll wake up early and make Haru breakfast in bed for our first mother's day, I'll have the little one strapped to my chest nothing can go wrong!

Hifumi: what happened to you

Makoto, sitting on the kitchen floor covered in flour and butter, her infant son playing with Johanna on the couch: I tried to cook with a baby. Help me please

Hifumi entertains the baby while Makoto makes a plate of scones, an omelette, and a little fruit salad for her wife

"I just get so distracted when he's with me. I lost all focus"

"yeah but the flour?"

"I was measuring it. Saw Seiji clap. So, I clapped."

"Ah."

Haru wakes up to her son giggling on Makoto's side of the bed, her wife tracing soft kisses up from her hand

"happy mother's day, baby"

"Happy mother's day, Love"

They both have the day off, and just spend a nice day with their lil guy

Haru: if this is mother's day, I wonder what you'll do for my birthday?

Makoto: ah, well Seiji won't be helping me with those plans. That'll be a very special night out, just us two. After a morning with his plans of course

Haru: I'm so lucky I have you,

Makoto: sjdbskdhxidbdj baby,,

-new note-

Makoto: happy birthday baby

Haru: you, bought that small building between us and the shop next door?

Makoto: let's go inside and you'll see your gift. Full home gym, with a little sauna and hot tub room in the back

Haru: ...not gonna lie Love this looks more like a gift for you

Makoto: did you notice the lounge chairs? This is a private show for you~ I know you hate coming to the gym to watch me, so-

Haru: I LOVE IT

Makoto: you can have a private showing whenever you'd like, baby. All for you

Haru: can we, have a go right now?

Makoto: of course. Are you okay with me working on arms and upper body?

Haru: YES

haru just in her lil lounge chair aggresively sipping water

cause shes thirsty

(green was Cap akfhdj)

Staring at the back muscles

Makoto has to wear a long sleeve shirt to her run with Ryuji the next morning. Normally she runs in the like, sports bra thing. But her arms, back, and abs are. Covered. From Haru enjoying her gift

Haru: I'm gonna kiss every muscle on you

Makoto: oh wow

Ryuji: whyre you wearing a shirt? You hate the sweat cling

Makoto: Haru's birthday yesterday

Ryuji: ...fuck I forgot to get her anything she's gonna kill me- wait. GROSS DUDE DONT TELL ME ABOUT-

Makoto: I DIDNT MAN STOP YELLING

Makoto and Haru at like a parents night for the preschool Seiji goes to just trying to ignore the straight gossip going around all around them

One couple: hehe we're trying to give her a sibling, trying for a baby is soooo much work

Makoto: ...they're just openly admitting they fu-

Haru: shh, Love. I know. Don't get too stressed though, you have to be in good health for our appointment tomorrow.

Makoto: think we should tell people we're also trying? But heavily imply we're just fu-

Haru: yes. Absolutely. Put your hand in my back pocket, I'll leave a little mark on your neck-

Makoto excitedly explains this at the appointment they go to the next morning, she's had to take those. Relax pills before so she's a lil loopy, and Haru just smiles so tenderly as they run the tests on her wife. She loves their little family,, so glad the medical field has a way for them to have kids (I'm making shit up idk man. Au magic this world made it possible I don't wanna think about it too hard)

Makoto: ...do you also find it weird we only have sons

Haru: shh don't think Love. Happy moment, no gender thoughts. Hold one of the twins, be mesmerized by the baby

Haru adores her wife and their sons so much. Even if their oldest turns emo and the twins are feral demons

Akira: when I first met you two you were getting the drunkest out of the group at every night out, dancing all over each other- I'm pretty sure you two were making out more than you weren't

Makoto: I remember our uni days, ha

Haru: mm, good times

Ann: you guys were. All over each other then

Haru: it was our first time getting to be open about us! It was exciting.

Makoto: we're just as all over each other now, we just know how to close doors

Ryuji: and DONT ACT LIKE YOU AND SHIHO DONT JUST MAKE OUT ON THE COUCH

Ann, three drinks in: you think that's all we do on that couch?

Yusuke: ...I think we need to sober her up before my roommates kill each other

Akechi, already grabbing the hose: on it

Ann and Ryuji, very wet the next minute:

Akechi: problem solved. Hey, lesbians. If you get too handsy you're getting sprayed next

Haru holds her hands up in the "don't shoot" position

Hifumi just sits to the side and drinks with Futaba, watching them all

Futaba: you want to stay on our couch tonight? Going home with Mrs and Mrs "Horny Drunk" won't lead to good things for your mental health

Hifumi: ...please tell me you're not speaking from experience

Futaba: me? No. Goro? Oh yes. Watching him be unable to look at either of them for four months was hilarious

Hifumi makes it back home around noon and notices only Makoto is in the house space

Hifumi: hey, where's Haru?

Makoto: hm? Oh, she's working downstairs. Want some tea? I can make you a plate of eggs?

Hifumi: Haru out drank everyone, how is she functioning?

Makoto: she's somehow immune to the hangover. Nah, I'm kidding. She drank water between every drink. Then it was the Gatorade and coffee mix, with a plate of my "Hangover Eggs". Neither of us have ever had a rough morning. Not since the first month of uni

Hifumi: ...I'll take a plate of the eggs, please

The day Haru finds out she's pregnant is. One of the best days in their household

She and Makoto had been having monthly appointments with their doctor over the last year, and. She'd felt off since the week after the last one but- she thought takin the test was wishful thinking

But the eight tests all read positive and- man she's gotta think of a way to tell Makoto

Before she gets a chance some dude tries to rob Noir's, barely nicks her with his knife but she goes to the hospital as a precaution cause tetanus

Makoto gets a call from one of the workers telling her her wife is at the hospital, they were robbed, and she gets there and is so relieved to see Haru looking alright, just some bandages around her arm, and Haru just Smiles

Eventually a doctor comes in to give Haru the all clear, but he pauses before they leave like: oh, and we did check. You're coming along just fine

Makoto: what does that mean?

Doctor: the pregnancy. Ms Okumura is early on, but all is going well

Makoto: ...it worked? Youre-

Haru: surprise?

Makoto is excitedly telling everyone for the next few months. Sure Haru was the one who wanted children more of the two, but that doesn't mean Makoto didn't want this. Her wife is pregnant! They're having a kid! And by some miracle, it's their kid

Ann: wait. How

Yusuke: but. You're on estrogen? There should be no way-

Ryuji: GROSS YOU GUYS DID IT?!

Shiho: ...Ryuji, stay on point here

Haru: science

Makoto: lesbian magic

Goro: I'm not watching your little spawn

Akira: dibs on godfather!

Futaba: in surprised you kept it a secret this long. Both of you suck at secrets

Makoto: no we don't

Haru: ...love you accidentally told me you were going to propose three days before you did it

They're much more open when they decide to go for a second kid, mostly because they're more convinced it'll work this time

Ryuji: gross

Ann: we already went over this. Science baby. Not like with straight people

Ryuji: but still

Makoto: you've known us for like ten years. How are you still like this

Ryuji: IDK YOU GUYS ARE LIKE THE PSEUDO MOMS I DONT WANNA THINK ABOUT YALL FUCKING

Makoto: so stop thinking about it?

Ryuji: ...oh.

Ann: DUDE SERIOUSLY

Then there's a bit about Ann and Shiho, how they decide to have a donor baby, and. End up with Triplets. Two daughters; Asami, Nikko. And then a son, Tsukito

Makoto: Seiji, turn off the TV, go play with the trio

Seiji: but mom, they're playing field hospital again. They're gonna make me the patient

Makoto: buddy, sometimes we have to make sacrifices. You and I will have a day to ourselves if you do it, okay?

Seiji: can we go to the farmers market?

Makoto: uh sure

Seiji has the red eyes but the twins are pure evil

Makoto: Kazu, Hiro, how did you get up there

The twins, literally on the roof: climbed

The twins have the like innocent Haru smile. Devious

There's cunning behind those eyes. They have the Niijima mind

Kazu: mom I don't feel good

Makoto: oh no, what happened- ...why is there a pencil in your arm

Hiro: hi mom

Makoto: ...both of you. What happened. Why are there pencils in your arms

Kazu and Hiro: we wanted to see if we could stab each other hard enough

Makoto: get in the car we're going to the hospital

Kazu: we're going on a hunger strike

Hiro: we want the bigger room. There's two of us

Seiji: I'm older. Nice try.

Kazu: we will make you give in

Hiro: I'm studying up on CIA torture tactics

Kazu: we both take martial arts. You will give us the room

Seiji: oh yeah? You think I won't survive? Try me

Makoto: baby the boys are waging war

Haru: eh, they're tire each other out. Feel up for a workout?

Makoto: HARU WE HAVE A PROBLEM

Haru, who was working the shop downstairs: Love? What's wrong

Makoto: I lost the babies

Haru: ...what

Makoto: I didn't think they'd figure out how to open the door i- baby the babies fucking got out-

Seiji: they're under the couch they just opened it and went under the couch

Makoto: what did we do to deserve this

Haru: I mean, we did fuck at a party and break the urn with someone's grandmother's ash's in uni

Makoto: oh yeah. And then we blamed Goro

Uni Makoto and Haru are just. A different breed. Them in high school was sweet, them after is domestic with a hint of spice, but. The in between.

They all go to the grand opening of Noir and. Just stare at how normal the two are

Ann: no visible hickies... It's a miracle

Akira: I can't believe it. They've been tamed

Haru: hi darling, think you'll lie on your stomach for me?

Makoto: ngh, wait, its-

Haru: don't think about it. We'll get your shot over with quick, and then we can have the day in bed. I promise. We took today off for a reason

Makoto: nooo I don't want it,

Haru: you're just saying that, you love you. You won't be the you you worked so hard for if you weren't brave enough for a little shot

Makoto: ...will it be quick?

Haru: I'll even numb the area with ice

Makoto: and we can kiss all day?

Haru: whatever you want

Makoto: fine. Give me the e,

Haru: you call me baby and yet,

Makoto: OW

Haru: that's the ice, Love

Haru: there, all done.

Makoto: did you use the

Haru: yes, I used the Buchimaru band aid

Makoto: I love you so much

Haru: I love you too

Makoto: kiss time?

Haru: I suppose~

Makoto later on: hey, thanks for not listening. I'm already feeling better

Haru: I know darling, it's hard to stab you sometimes but I know it's what makes my girl happiest

Makoto: mm,

Sae: since you two are going to be rooming together when you go off to uni, it's time I passed on the torch

Haru: oh?

Sae: Makoto is a coward about her hormone shots. No matter how much she says she doesn't want it, she does. Unless she has a serious conversation about detransitioning on a non shot day, don't listen. Give her a lollipop or something, anything else to focus on. She does best lying down. She can't kick you if you sit on her calves-

Haru: i- have you been doing this all this time?

Sae: yes. And now we will have the awkward experience of me helping you give her the shot. It'll be weird. But it'll be your responsibility as her partner

Haru: I'm ready, Chief

Makoto: hey, sis- Haru? Wait, no

Sae: yes. Pants off. Lie down.

Makoto: NO WAIT I CHANGED MY MIND I WANNA BE A GUY

Haru: will you lie down for me my Love?

Makoto: ...uh yeah

Sae: pants.

Makoto: bite me.

Sae: Makoto, you know this is what's best for you

Makoto: lies

Haru: I'll hold your hand if that helps? And give you a kiss after for being so brave?

Makoto: you're much more convincing than sis

Sae: alright Haru, that's it. You did it, congrats

Makoto: I'm dead. You killed me

Haru: you're rather attractive for a corpse

Sae: I'm leaving now. I'll bring home dinner. Don't do anything stupid

Hifumi: oh I do my own shots

Haru: my wife is just a big baby about them, and I mean that affectionately

Makoto: yeah I. Don't do well with anything of that sort

Haru: our fertility appointments are. Very planned. She takes one of those relaxation pills before we go

Makoto: it's tough but it's worth it for the chance to give Haru anything she desires

Makoto is the most doting wife while Haru is pregnant. Foot rubs, vitamins, skin creams and talking to their son every day

"today your mama gave your mom her shot. That's right, your mama shot me"

"Makoto-"

"just kidding kid. She helped me feel more like myself, and I love her so much. You've got the best mama ever"

"They have the best mom too"

Haru: ...Makoto?

Makoto: it's 2 am,, what is it baby?

Haru: I want. Cold soba noodles

Makoto: easy enough,

Haru: covered in chocolate

Makoto: ...

Slow dancing in the kitchen, Makoto behind Haru, hands entwined over Haru's dark apron, heads leaned together

Makoto: a night to ourselves,

Haru: Hifumi moved out a year ago, and the kids are staying at the Quad,, so it's just us

Makoto: shall we treat ourselves? I can make you steak? Break out the good wine? We can have a nice bath, turn in early for some, us time

Haru: can you make baked potato with the steak?

Makoto: anything for you

Haru: carry me to bed later?

Makoto: of course

Buff Makoto and her pudgy baker wife, And their emo chef son and two demon spawns

Thinking back to scared little high school Makoto, more scrawny than anything, and petite Haru seated beside her, their pinkies barely entwined, both blushing and looking away

To Uni them, with Makoto playing rugby recreationally and Haru being very much a fan of that, them making out and boinking literally anywhere possible, somehow like top of their classes while still going all out for the fun side of things

Makoto being very awkward with Haru's dad.

Kunikazu: so. You are. Transgender?

Makoto: yep.

Kunikazu: you want to be, a boy?

Makoto: w-wrong direction, sir

Haru: you can't do anything, father. I love her.

Kunikazu: I see

Makoto: ...can I go home? And hire a bodyguard?

Kunikazu: I suppose you two can live together. Just. I do not want a surprise grandchild

Haru: that's not even possible

Makoto: yeah I'm leaving

Haru: father and I will be having monthly brunch

Makoto: oh, joy,

Haru: just us. You're not invited

Makoto: ...did he-

Haru: I uninvited you

Makoto: I love you so much

Haru: no marks, I'm seeing my dad tomorrow! Makoto-

Makoto: but baby,

Haru: ...no visible marks at least

Makoto: ...fuck I forgot the rule

Haru: it's, well. I didn't try to stop you,

Makoto: your dad is gonna murder me

Haru: he won't, he likes you, he's just. Still in his learning phase

Makoto: yeah but you're gonna walk in tomorrow looking like a dalmatian

Haru inventing the Gatorade coffee in university after a night of. Heavy drinking with her girlfriend. Waking up and feeling like death itself and just. Trying to make coffee but she's barely looking and brews it with. Gatorade instead of water

Haru: I know you spoke to Yusuke, but Makoto gave me permission to tell you about her surgery experience

Hifumi: oh?

Haru: she had top, which I'm sure you've noticed by now. She likes to ditch the shirt more than usual

Hifumi: yes

Haru: but she had such a horrible time recovering she cancelled for bottom and just. Never got it

Hifumi: oh. And she's okay with that?

Haru: it works for her. Makoto's never been, violently dysphoric about her body. Not since I met her. Her voice was one thing, but now she's at her best

Hifumi: thank you for sharing, and tell her thanks too

Haru: of course! And let me know if you need someone for care afterwards or to drive you to and from

Haru dealing with miserable Makoto post op from top and just

Haru: my poor girl,

Makoto: I'm dying,,

Makoto: but at least I'll die with boobs,

Haru: okay let's give you some more pain meds, HEY DONT TOUCH, MAKOTO-

Makoto: ow,,,

Makoto: I just wanted to feel,

Haru: I know you and your hands, but give it some recovery time, please

Sae walking into Makoto's room during their first sleepover in high school and just. Seeing the two all curled up, the content looks on their faces, She sees Makoto stir and the minor look of horror on her face at getting caught by her sister but, Sae just smiles, whispers a loud goodnight, and turns back

Haru nuzzles closer, and Makoto just. Smiles.

Them watching Seiji in a school play and just trying not to fight the group of mom's at the back of the room who are chatting

Makoto: the disrespect-

Haru: Love his line is coming up, make sure the camera is on!

Makoto: wait, shit, where did the twins go?

Haru: ...we can worry about bailing them out later

Surprisingly that's it?? But one last joke Cap made that I felt I needed to share

"of course Makoto's trans her Persona is a Transformer"

[creampuffqueen]

soo if you dont mind me asking, do you know when or why you started coming to some kind of realizations that you were bi (or possibly lesbian)?

i have lived my entire life convinced im straight but after some things i realized that i may be bi. But i dont know. i dont think im a lesbian but i also know im not fully straight, you know?

please don't answer if this too personal or uncomfortable, i dont want you to answer anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. you can totally ignore it.

I saw your post about talking things through with your friend recently and i'm really happy you were able to have that open conversation with someone you trust about yourself, despite what your label or sexuality may be ❤️.

if you do choose to answer this, thank you in advance. i appreciate it.

of course i don't mind you asking!! honestly i'm very flattered and honored to be asked this as i'm certainly no expert on sexuality or anything like this, but it makes me happy that my blog is a safe and welcoming space for someone who has these kinds of questions!

so, here's sort of a quick and dirty rundown of my sexuality journey. (i ended up putting this under a cut because it got a bit long whoops).

for starters, i grew up in a christian household in a small, conservative town in the middle of nowhere texas. my parents are far from being fundamentalists or anything, but they just... never spoke about other sexualities. i didn't even know being gay was an OPTION until i was about 12.

in middle school, many of my friends began to discover/experiment with sexuality and gender labels. i never really did, i always felt content and comfortable with my attraction to boys. (or, due to recent realizations, my supposed attraction to boys. but we can touch on that later).

then, some time around when i was 12-13, i had an Experience that made me begin to question things a bit.

i was at a sleepover for a friend's birthday party, and after a long night of fun we all fell asleep in her living room in our sleeping bags. i was the first to wake up in the morning, and in order to not wake anyone else up, i stayed in my sleeping bag and played video games on my phone. at one point, another girl woke up, and since we were the only two awake, she came and sat next to me. i didn't know this girl too well, she was a mutual friend of the sleepover girl. but at one point, in order to better see what i was playing on my phone, she crawled inside the sleeping bag with me.

and i just remember feeling warm all over as she laid next to me. i was struck with the sudden desire to pull this girl close and cuddle with her. i don't remember anything else about that sleepover except this one moment early in the morning.

i went to school the next week and spoke about this with one of my friends who knew they were queer, saying that i thought i might have a crush on this girl and wondering if i could possibly be bisexual.

and... my friend told me that no, i didn't have a crush on this girl, i clearly just wanted to be Really Really Good Friends with her. obviously. comphet hits even the queer middle schoolers, apparently.

and so after that i was like 'okay then you're the expert! guess i don't like girls :)' and then literally didn't think about it for the next 2-3 years.

time jump to 15 year old Mal, stuck inside during the Covid Summer of 2020 with nothing to do. my brother and i decided to watch Avatar: The Last Airbender for the first time together to pass the time. i saw Suki on screen for the first time and felt something in me Change.

i've always had fictional crushes, you know? but nothing like this.

and as all well adjusted gen-z kids do, i made a bunch of memes about it. at first they were all jokes. just, 'lol, look how much i love this fictional character'.

but after a while i began to realize that i wasn't exactly joking anymore.

so there you have it folks, suki from avatar made me like girls.

but even after this realization, i still wasn't exactly comfortable with calling myself bisexual. i went by queer for a little while, before eventually settling on bisexual. now, ATLA was my first introduction to the world of animation. i began to watch a ton more animated shows after finishing it, and in all the shows i often found myself more drawn to the female characters than the males. don't get me wrong, i still enjoyed those characters, but i was OBSESSED with the girls.

and after i went back to school in person, i did begin to notice that what i originally thought was just wanting to be friends with girls was running a bit deeper than that. i had my first real girl crush (i stopped liking her after she trashed the legend of korra to my face though).

and that was my life for the last few years! i was very happy with being bisexual, and i am very lucky that i have such a supportive and accepting friend group. coming out to my friends was so easy and i've never been worried they wouldn't accept me, which is great.

and now, for what has led me to believe i might possibly be a lesbian.

i got my first boyfriend my senior year of high school. he was an absolutely wonderful guy. i've always been pretty 'picky' when it comes to men. i get crushes very easily but if a guy starts to reciprocate then they have to meet this high list of standards i have composed in my head. and this guy met them all.

by all accounts, i should have been SO happy. like i'm not even exaggerating when i say that this boy was basically perfect. he treated me so well. my friends and family adored him.

and yet, something just didn't feel right. i started to get very nervous about being alone with him. i started getting annoyed whenever he texted me. i started avoiding seeing him, avoiding having him come over. eventually it got to the point where i decided i just had to end things, because something was off with me and i didn't want to string him along when he deserved better. i broke up with him and didn't shed a single tear.

everyone was pretty confused, but eventually got over it. i thought that perhaps it was just a fluke. it was my first real relationship, maybe i was just nervous.

but then it happened again this year in college. i met a great guy on a dating app. we had fun together, he was really nice and respectful. we never made it official, but we spent enough time together it was basically a relationship. and then, again, when everything should have been going well i started feeling the same things as before. anxiety, annoyance, avoidance. i broke it off with him over text and felt relieved when it was finally over.

after that, i began to consider the possibility that i was never attracted to guys in the first place. i lost sleep over it, i was thinking so hard.

and then i thought to myself 'i don't think people who are attracted to guys have to think this hard about it'.

so since then, i've been entertaining the possibility that i might be a lesbian. it's still a journey, and i'm working on being okay with the in between stage i'm in. i don't want to put a definitive label on myself until i've been with a girl, which isn't something i've had the opportunity to do yet.

and that's sort of all the major events in my life that i've had in regards to my sexuality!

i hope this has been of some help to you, anon! i also just want to add in some reassurance as well. sexuality can be a complex thing, so don't feel the need to rush into a new label if you're not ready yet. everyone's journey is at their own pace, and you're not 'less' bisexual if this is something you've only recently discovered about yourself!

i wish you all the luck with your self-discovery, anon! and my inbox and dms are always open if you have more questions!

[hearts401]

Vanny perhaps :3 or glitchtrap

ill do both bc they r sooo special to me

Vanny (but it bleeds a bit into vanessa but. whatever):

a: She really likes making things. While she can't really bring herself to reclaim suit making, she does crochet and things in her free time post-sb. as vanny, xe'd fidget with things and make little trinkets when not busy killing people

b: She slips on blood a lot. xe'll kill someone and go to pick it up and slip and fall on xer ass. glitch thinks its the funniest thing

c: She is soooo bitter to ggy at the start because glitch so clearly favors him and makes her do all the dirty work. post-sb xe's soooo glad gregory didnt have to do as much as xe did (bc ofc he killed ppl but also i think vanny killed more people. i think rab was mostly for the coding and things, and only killed for the cover-up, while vannys JOB was to kill people. and a little bit of tech meddling as well)

d: She is autistic and a butch lesbian (and some flavor of transgender, i think she's still figuring it out post-sb)

glitchhh my silly man (glitchwill specifically just for u bc hes perfect)

a: He likes being in control and when he's not he is SOOOO STRESSED OUT. Like he is shaking in his little boots anytime vanny or dr rab tries to disobey him but he doesnt let that show. last time he wasn't in control he went to super hell so. yk.

b: He is autistic as FUCK. He will talk on and on and on to vanny about robots and fursuits and remnant and child murder while she is like "dude i just killed a fucking middle schooler."

c: He's hit the point where he's starting to regret things i think. i mean i think ucn already did that to him but it's considerably worse now because he really doesn't have a direct end goal? he's just fucking around with trial and error and he doesn't know where he's going from here. And also he's started kind of missing his kids and his wife and henry and he's realizing there's really not much he can do BUT control people. like atp his life is centered around control because its the only thing he's sure of. he wants a new body, yeah, but he doesn't know what the plan is after that. So he just keeps doing what he's doing, helping the mimic, killing people, ect.

d: transgender. idc. i think glitchtrap is just williams trans extra gay fursona. that bunny is queer as fuck. mf had to die to realize he was trans smh. vanny probably was the one who helped him find out. like he'd be talking about himself and shes like "ur transgender" and hes just. what. what the fuck does that mean.

[dhampiravidi]

to those who have an issue w/drag (& tbh, queer/nonconforming people in general)

TL;DR: please don't follow me if you are the above. I'd be supporting ignorance. Here's my explanation.

Brief background (on me & my stance): I was born AFAB, to parents who, for most of my childhood, either took no stance or a liberal stance in conversations that became politicized/publicized by the media. My school didn't talk about politics until President Obama was elected (& ofc his election was seen as a historic, positive moment). Anyway, no one talked about sexuality, biological sex, or gender identity--all of which are different, sometimes overlapping topics.

Then my mom happened to have a young student who had 2 dads. I was confused. When they'd hug or kiss (nothing graphic, just regular couple stuff), I felt...weird. No, not aroused OR disgusted--I was maybe 8 at the time, anyway. But I was definitely not used to seeing or hearing about gay people. Whenever that good ol' scene where 2 sexy college girls kiss to appease a bunch of boys came on the TV, my mom would roll her eyes. When 2 men would kiss in a different scene, my dad would make an excuse and leave. Long story short, until I literally Googled what it was to be queer, I didn't understand what I had seen. I'd learn that my mom supported all queer people (going as far as to publicly support a student's efforts to transition in high school) and my dad, who is still learning, grew up exposed to extremely heteronormative ideals.

Now we get to my identities.

I started to question my sexuality at 10, but I wasn't "sure"* that I was bisexual/pansexual (I don't mind either term; yes, I "can" be attracted to trans people) until I was 12. Unfortunately, my parents initially tried to ignore my realization. They didn't want to talk about it. But I had friends who came out at the same time. (I was also a very salty high schooler.) So I kept pushing and pushing for the discussion, because I had a right to be heard. I had a right to be myself and not lie about who I was. My parents had always talked about how I should be proud to be a smart Black woman, so...I ran with that. I am lucky to have a family who (finally) accepts my sexuality.

Again, I'm AFAB. I don't mind my genitalia. I hate my body, but that (for me) is tied to my mental health, as I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (I inherited a disposition to this), Generalized Anxiety Disorder (the result of several environmental and self-imposed factors), and Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (due to some trauma experienced outside my home). I have thought about having traditionally-male genitalia, but I don't think I personally need it to be happy. However, I acknowledge that this is just how I feel, and it doesn't take away from how others feel.

I didn't even think much about my own gender until the last year or so. I only knew that I had always been unhappy with my social life. I currently have a badass handful of buddies who I love SO MUCH, but I still sometimes feel...wrong. When I look in the mirror, I don't just feel ugly. I don't think I look human. I hung out with boys throughout elementary school and I (mostly via the CW and Disney Channel) was exposed to a lot of what some call the "male gaze". For example, I remember all the shows that featured a girl (usually the male characters' crush(es)) getting splashed with water--enough so her petite hourglass form would show through her then-transparent clothes. So I had an idea of what beauty was. Somehow, I also had an idea of what being cool/handsome (my words for "beautiful in a masculine way" back then) was: toned muscles, the ability to intimidate anyone, wearing tight clothes, etc. Anyway, I started school early, meaning that until maybe the end of middle school, I was always shorter than everyone else. I didn't mind being called cute all the time, until my friends were getting asked out as teenagers. Suddenly, I wanted to be seen as attractive. I ended up basing my self-image on how many people had crushes on me (which appeared to be zero, according to how many people turned me down). My point is, I believed that I had to be pretty for men. Then I realized that I liked women TOO, which irritated me because even when I came out, it saddened me that I still wasn't getting asked out (despite me supposedly having TWO TIMES the chance to find love, in my mind). In the end...I found that I identify as nonbinary. I'm agender, possibly genderfluid, because I don't understand OR want to conform to society's standards for gender (at least, in the USA). (Also, a bunch of the people I had crushes on years ago were actually insensitive jerks, but that's not the point.)

Elon Musk has said one thing that I might actually agree with. Said loosely, he asked why people are bothering to look so closely at gender when we claim that Western Civilization has come so far in terms of gender roles. Why DO people have a problem if someone who is AMAB wears a dress or a skirt? Kilts are part of Celtic culture, for both men and women. The Ancient/Classical Greek civilization that is so revered by so many countries had a garment called the chiton, a knee-length tunic worn by both men and women. Plenty of cultures throughout human history have worn ceremonial and/or optional makeup. Why DO some Americans still take issue with men teaching kids in elementary school? Is that any worse than a woman becoming President of the United States?

I was inspired to write this because of all the recent ideological and legislative attacks on human rights, specifically those of trans people and/or drag performers. I thought about the friends I have who identify as trans, and who have expressed their joy at discovering their identity. They are so relieved and happy and they have the most beautiful smiles when they detail their journeys. Their happiness isn't hurting anyone. I also thought about drag in general. I haven't been to a live drag show (yet), but I've seen the show Legendary (a dance show featuring drag, among other elements of queer culture) as well as the Netflix documentary Disclosure (a film about how trans people have historically been depicted in media). Drag is art, and for some, it's a lifestyle. It might be a kink or fetish for some people, in the same way that intercrural sex or lingerie might be. What it is NOT is a way that people commonly commit crimes--as the media has often claimed in the past, by showing AMAB "transvestite" serial killers wearing dresses to seduce their victims. It is NOT encouraging children to have sex at horribly young ages. And as many have explained, a drag queen is most definitely no more dangerous than a person (of ANY gender) purchasing an automatic weapon. If anything, seeing someone in drag perform can be an awesome learning experience for kids. They'll be exposed to a marginalized community that they may find themselves as part of as an adult. They won't grow up like I did, feeling like something is wrong with them just because they didn't know their identity existed.

I am not perfect and I do not claim to be. I had to do a lot of research to learn what I know about various communities. I still research online and ask (thoughtful) questions when members of these communities allow it. Until this year, I had no idea that some nonbinary people choose to get top surgery and/or begin hormone therapy because they like the way it helps others view them as more androgynous individuals. I did not know how much hormone therapy could cost (it's a heartbreaking reality, considering the meaning behind the whole process). I did not know that drag, something that I always saw as a fabulous form of self-expression and pure happiness, would be demonized by so many people.

I don't think this IS an opinion, but uh:

Gender Identities: woman, man, agender, nonbinary, two-spirit (term exclusive to Indigenous North Americans), etc.

Sexualities: gay, straight, queer, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, etc.

Sex: AFAB/female, AMAB/male, intersex.

People who are transgender are absolutely valid, whether or not they get and/or disclose their thoughts on personal sexual reassignment surgery. The term transgender is difficult to evaluate as a word because it's somewhere between gender identity and sex. In English, we say that someone identifies as trans, but someone who is a transwoman, for example, is someone AMAB (or possibly intersex) who identifies as a woman. But again, these people still exist and deserve just as much respect as anyone else.

No one hates people who grew up unaware of the queer community. The problem are those who hate queer people for simply being different--in essence, for those who pose a threat to the fantasy of a forever-heteronormative society that promotes unrealistic ideals.

*stuff in parentheses includes terms that you may not agree with, but it's how the mainstream media and groups I've interacted with define certain concepts. I'm sorry if the phrasing isn't perfect--despite my Master's and Bachelor's in various sections of the English Department, choosing the correct words to define feelings is still difficult.

[unityrain24]

rambling ahead

so on any of my fics that i write about something significant that i haven't personally experienced, i always put something in the notes saying something along the lines of "i tried my best to write this, but i don't personally experience it, so if you are a person who has experienced this, please let me know if i wrote anything incorrect/offensive so i can fix it!".

Most commonly, i do this for genderfluidity, as the character i write about is loki (who is. genderfluid). While I myself am queer, i am not genderfluid, so I cannot have first-hand experience. I feel it is important to let people know they can correct me if i unknowingly wrote anything incorrect/offensive. (which has not happened yet, in fact i've gotten various assurances from genderfluid commenters i am doing a just fine job). The note i leave isn't asking for an in-depth lecture, as i'm not a completely clueless person looking desperately for knowledge, it's just a little short thing telling them to let me know if I made a small mistake somewhere.

Anyways, today i got a comment on a fic i posted a year or two ago (it was my first published fic, actually), which was about loki & genderfluidness. The comment was on the routine note i was just explained, and the comment was:

heyy, maybe i could help you with some stuff, im just a beginner myself, but i see things very fast, so i could help with that, and to make the genderfluid thing more realistic, my friend is genderfluid, so i have some experience with it. its okay ifyou dont do anything wit this, wut if you do, feel free to message me:)

Which just seems like... a sort of strange comment?? (also i do feel bad putting their comment out here so i might delete it)

i wasn't asking for help

while i may have been a beginner when i wrote the fic, that was a year or two ago?? I have written plenty since then. While i am by no means a seasoned writer, i am hesitant to call myself a beginner beginner, at least in fanfiction terms (especially when this commenter only had three fics, all from this year, one of which was actually written by/with an ai, so even if i am a beginner, objectively i would still have more experience than them. we would not be the same level of beginner)

how would you have experience with being genderfluid if you aren't genderfluid.

'i am experienced in genderfluidity because i know a genderfluid person' would honestly be kind of funny if things like that weren't said all the time about various subjects (example: "is an expert on autism because my son is autistic" or "i can't be racist, my neighbor is black") (not perfect examples but)

again how would your view of genderfluidity be any "more realistic" than mine if neither of us are genderfluid

also the implication that mine is not realistic/ or at least lacking quality, while theirs wouldn't

also this assumes i don't know any genderfluid people myself?? which isn't true. i have met numerous genderfluid people. that doesn't give me experience

again i wasn't asking for help in my note, and if i did want help, i would just... ask a genderfluid person?? Or read things by genderfluid people? If i wanted help understanding/writing genderfluidity, why would i ask a non-genderfluid person?

also, i made this fic a year or two ago, and it's completed (and marked as such). Offering help on a completed fic is a bit strange?

also, what does "i see things very fast" mean

Now i'm not posting all this because i am mad or super-offended at the commenter!! Honestly, the comment was from wattpad, not my usual ao3, so the person very well could have been a middle schooler or something. And even if not, they seemed like they were trying be very nice/helpful. The post is long not out of anger, but because i found it a bit strange and also i have the inability to shut up.

Also i have no clue how to reply to this person

[martritzvonmercie]

HELLO i was tagged by rumi my friend rumi @ultimaid AND trix my friend trix @gh0str3c0rd3r for ten songs i have been listening to recently! (ok but just in advance you can't make fun of me for my lame ass music OKAY peace and love on planet earth)

SO IF YOU REMEMBER POPPY (she got really popular for her really strange youtube videos a very long time ago) she is actually one of my FAVORITE music artists EVER and this is her newest song!!! her music style is really unique and cool KINDA weirdly halfway between pop and metal IT'S SO COOL i'll actually PROBABLY bring her up again on this post tbh but!!!! YEAH LISTEN TO CHURCH OUTFIT and her new song that's coming out next week!!

so i've actually really really loved prince since middle school and i've been relistening to a lot of the songs i liked back then lately and this has to be ONE OF MY FAVORITES... it's not a very popular one but the lyrics FUCK SEVERELY imo, i'm a huge fan of "if i was your one and only friend, would you run to me if somebody hurt you, even if that somebody was me?"

this song is like. it may be my actual favorite piece of sapphic music EVER i love the lyrics, i love the vibes, it fits sosososo many ships and i literally listen to it SOOOO much, ask me what songs i've been listening to at any given time and this will be ON THE LIST

ALSO ONE OF MY FAVORITE SAPPHIC SONGS EVER AND WITH SUMMER COMING UP I HAVE HAD IT ON REPEAT!!!! perfect for summer, perfect for lesbians, perfect for me, a lesbian who has been calling it "hot girl summer" for weeks now (even tho it's april)

ANOTHER POPPY SONG okay so i LOVE her whole am i a girl? album SO MUCH but this is my favorite song off of it and one of the ones i listen to on repeat the most SO I TOTALLY RECOMMEND bc the lyrics and style are just SO COOL but also go listen to the whole album and i will love you forever

i honestly just listened to this recently bc i randomly remembered the nostalgia so i wouldn't necesssarily Recommend It if it doesn't give you fond memories of being in fifth grade like it does to me BUT to this day it's just super cute and super mecore

TO MAKE A VERY LONG ERA OF MY LIFE SHORT basically i had this like. CRAZY michael jackson hyperfixation in middle school. and i have obviously grown out of it BUT this is still one of my favorite songs ever and is still one i listen to all the time. the lyrics are simple but they scratch an itch in my brain and it's really beautiful. I WILL ACTUALLY also put the youtube link for this one bc the version on the michael album was released posthumously and i really think the overproduction takes away from what makes the song so beautiful. SO I RECOMMEND THE ORIGINAL INSTEAD (i love you sven nelson channel with all the rare demos and original versions of michael's stuff)

OK SORRY FOR PUTTING POPPY AGAIN BUT I COULDN'T NOT PUT THIS ONE even tho it's her most mainstream song it's also by far my most looped one bc IT'S JUST SO FUN and upbeat and nice to listen to, it was my top song in 2022 and i still loop it all the time!!! definitely give it a listen (BUT ALSO CHECK OUT THE REST OF THE ALBUM BC YOU HAVE PROBABLY HEARD THIS ONE BEFORE BUT REALLY THE REST OF THE ALBUM IS SO GOOD AND A LOT OF THE OTHER SONGS ARE A LOT MORE UNIQUE STYLISTICALLY AND LYRICALLY)

I'M SORRY FOR INCLUDING GLEE I'M SORRY I SWEAR IT'S JUST THE ONE bc this is like. my favorite glee song EVER. brittana literally made me who i am today when i was a confused queer middle schooler who wasn't allowed to have access to most queer media SO THIS SONG IS VERY SPECIAL TO ME OKAY and listening to it on repeat for hours is an ultimate therapeutic experience so i've highkey been doing it nonstop recently

janet jackson is so cool i'd actually marry her. anyways i have had this song on loop and have listened to it at least 50 times in the last week.... IT FUCKS SO SEVERELY songs i could sing sosososo loud word for word

I AM BLANKING ON WHO I COULD TAG BC THIS ALREADY WENT AROUND MY MUTUAL CIRCLES but if you want to do it then YOU SHOULD thumbs up

[doctorhuh]

hiya! first, love the podcast and both of your senses of humor. second, i recently got to the part in your magician's apprentice ep where you suggest the clara/jane austen kissing comment was "something for the fellas," which seems like a continuation of the other times you two have been (not unjustifiably) critical of a lot of the portrayal of queer chars on DW, and i wanted to offer an alternate perspective - not in a "you're wrong and i'm mad at you" way, just in a "here's a perspective to think about if you'd like to" way. also, i'm not expecting a response (in fact, i think i'd find one embarrassing bc of how long this is) or for y'all to change, just tossing this out there

for context, i got into doctor who as a middle schooler at the beginning of my realizing-i-was-bi-and-nonbinary-in-a-homophobic-household journey. and as a result, jack harkness was Important to me. in fact, i think there's a poll that went around tumblr a month ago where 12% of this site's userbase said doctor who was the first place they saw an earnest depiction of a queer char. jack does plays into bi stereotypes, but he still has depth and likability, and i think that's more important than deciding he doesn't fuck, esp in 2005. plus, he and torchwood were created by rtd who is himself gay, so i'm willing to cut him some slack

i agree that the vastra/jenny "actually, she's my WIFE" exchange is mostly moffat looking for praise, but that scene was also Important to me as a closeted kid who could only fantasize about being so open about my sexuality. and last year, i /did/ get a little thrill when i was getting a haircut and the hairdresser (who /did/ give off homophobic vibes) asked me after my Person left, "are you two sisters?" and i could say no

regarding clara, my view of moffat's misogyny in writing DW has always been "he /is/ aware that a lot of the audience is women and kids and when he thinks to, he does write to those ppl, he's just also infected with the views-women-as-lesser parasite and doesn't make enough conscious choices to battle it." if you'd asked me if clara's bisexuality was /for/ any particular audience segment, i'd say i'd never thought about that before, but if it was for anyone, it was probably for the queer girls. i esp feel that way bc she's followed by bill (and yaz, though that wasn't moffat's doing). i also like that clara said that in front of her class! it's nice to see a teacher char be open about her bisexuality bc of how social reactionaries often rush to "think of the children!" and criticizing schools and teachers as their first line of offense. plus, gay teachers were my rocks in high school, and i loved hearing about their lives bc it made my own future feel more solid

in sum, if the metric for a portrayal of a queer char is "was this scene written thoughtfully and to make queer audience members seem seen?" what might seem cringey and forced to one queer person could feel very affirming to another. i think due to DW's intended younger audience, things fall into the affirming bin more often than expected, and i think they're also /intended/ to be affirming more often than expected. i'd be as annoyed as hell by all these scenes if i saw them for the first time today, but i remain glad they exist for the good they did for kids back then and (who knows?) maybe still today

have a good night!

Hiya! Thank you for the thoughtful message! I will say I do totally get what you're saying. In fact, I remember being a closeted queer teen in the 2010s and I felt the exact same way. I thought it was super cool to see a bisexual character on TV, and I remember when the 11th Doctor would have throwaway lines about, yknow, romances with other men or whatever I thought that was pretty cool too. I loved Jack back in the day! It's certainly not my place to tell a person that they're not valid for appreciating representation! I think any kid who saw something relatable or inclusive in DW is a big win. I do still feel like looking back and watching it as an adult with more context; we can get a sense that it could've been better! A lot of it reflected attitudes towards LGBTQ+ people from 10-20 years ago, that I think we've largely moved past. I feel like there's nothing inherently wrong *or* invalidating about pointing that kinda stuff out. With regards to Moffat specifically, I get frustrated with Moffat because I think we're all in agreement that we can do better than him to write representation, yeah? Moffat is very "tell don't show" about his characters' queerness in a way that I find personally frustrating. If Clara is bisexual, that's awesome!! I'd love for Moffat to have shown us this instead of just an offhand line about it. His track record is just really bad (anyone who has seen Sherlock can attest to this lol). That's why we are always kind of feeling like his inclusion of LGBTQ+ representation comes across in bad faith (i.e. queerbaiting, using queerness as setup/punchline, or just kinda trying to score points from the progressive viewers).

I'd add that I do think there's been some great LGBTQ+ representation on DW in the past and present. I can't be the only one who loved to see Donna being the parent of a happy, thriving nonbinary trans person. That brought me a lot of joy to see on my screen in a time that is SO fucking hostile for trans people (transfeminine people in the UK in particular have it really bad). More of that please, Rusty. Lastly, I should say our show puts us at a disadvantage by design in terms of good faith criticism, because we're literally not watching the show in a way that makes sense. So a lot of stuff we're saying is basically watching the show completely devoid of context and we're just trying to have a bit of fun and share our thoughts; I do think we've ate dirt on this 1000 times over it's part of the fun when our listeners get mad because we were just Completely Wrong. Like what the hell happens in the Zygon Inversion?? Or Heaven Sent?? We don't know but everyone is mad because we didn't have that context. I really disliked Clara and got at totally different read on her, now I'm much more cool with her as a character. If there's stuff we're missing that's kind of part of the fun. At the end of the day we're just two goobers with microphones trying to have a bit of fun and you're ten billion percent allowed to disagree with everything we say about DW. Also not to like, shill, or anything but if you ever want to discuss this stuff with us directly, our discord link is in every episode. You can join the chorus of listeners who get mad at us every week jkjk. Thank you for the thoughtful ask! I hope that clears up at least my own feelings on it a little bit. -Jordan

[peacehopeandrats]

One X!

(A fitting title and pun not intended.)

Well, I finished Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas and it had everything I hoped it would. There were ghosts, of course, but love and Queerness (specifically gayness and transness) and Latinx culture were all through it. And I don't just mean romance when I say love, the love of best friends, genetic family, and found families is there too.

You don't have to be queer or have Hispanic heritage to like this book. I had it recommended to me on a list of YA multicultural reads. Very glad I added it to my TBR shelf.

Next up:

From Publisher's Weekly:

Genesis Anderson is a fragile middle schooler whose turbulent home life and drive for acceptance fuel this emotionally rich debut. Forced to start over time and again because of a series of evictions, Genesis has a dearth of self-confidence (and a list of 96 reasons that she hates herself) and trouble making new friends. That slowly begins to change when her African-American family moves to an upscale white suburb, and Genesis has to find her footing in an entirely new environment. While some students uphold the same racist ideas she's familiar with, others treat her with a depth of compassion that has her questioning the colorism that's seeped into her own psyche. It's agonizing to follow Genesis through attempts to bleach her skin to fit in, but the lows only make her triumphs feel sweeter as she slowly begins to find strengths she never suspected she possessed, friends who love and accept her, and a mentor who encourages her to let herself shine. With its relatable and sympathetic protagonist, complex setting, and exceptional emotional range, this title is easy to recommend. 

I wasn't trying to do all the book colors first, but this one was available right now and orange isn't easy to find, so I went with that instead of any other option.

[ughwhyislifelikethis]

Guess I might as well do this here since it's a bit more personal/honest than I might want some irl friends to see - and bc I don't want to have to discuss it with them, frankly. I'd rather not lose a friendship over this even though it causes me to be somewhat hurt or whatever. I know, it's not healthy, I should probably not stay friends or whatever, etc but my autistic finally not bullied and excluded ass kinda refuses to be lonely rn and at the end of the day frankly it's not worth it for me personally. Could probably say something about how "saying something about shitty treatment could cause friendships to break up is shit and the queer community needs to do better etc l" but eh. Not the point.

Also, the wording in this is messy, it's long-winded, it is not explicit in exclusions and if I tried to hit every point of "by this I do not mean this specific form of discussion that falls under bigotry" it would be too fucking long, and it is already. So if you're gonna be like "Mra! you're being transmisogynist!" Or soemthing (I have no idea how you're gonna get transmisogyny from this considering I literally only talk about this in the context of cis people's views on me as a transmasculine person and I do my best to avoid things that could be interpreted badly so that that doesn't happen but watch it happen somehow. The mra thing I could see how twisting my words here could get but I do not and will not ever excuse or condone bigotry or sexism or etc under the guise of "MRA bullshit". Just bc I'm saying maybe you should think critically about how cis men are expected and asked to behave in society and how that affects them does not mean I'm saying go fix them or excuse the shitty behavior exhibited.)

I think that covers all of it, idk. Don't really care with how damn long this is and y'know, it being a vent post that's secondarily maybe helpful for explaining experiences to others and also for getting stuff worked out in my own head.

Anyways. My actual point.

I really do think some of the reason it took me so damn long to realize I was trans and specifically a trans guy is because of transandrophobia I heard offline and online. To be crystal clear - the people I'm talking about hearing it from were fucking cis. Hell, even I used to derogatorily mutter "boys" in middle school because the cis boys in my class were assholes and I wasn't great at the whole "wider picture thing". I'd barely started coming into my own awareness - honestly I think it had started fifth grade when I actually felt like a fucking person. My memories kinda really start there - everything else earlier is a blur. Saying "girls" in the same way felt wrong, bc it is, and also highlights the if it's wrong for one why exactly isn't it wrong for the other? so I didn't do it more than a few times, but I also was very confused for a while as to why I felt a separation from the things, why I didn't feel lumped in with the girls "like I should".

Again, I digress. I was saying how I as a middle schooler used to buy into the whole "fuck (not literally) boys" thing that's really popular at that age. Or maybe that was me. Idk, being ace also affected things. (The correct thing to do there would be to actually address the bullying and shit not just ignore it bc the victim is an autistic adhd middle schooler with very few coping skills and a severe lack of ability to mask.) (Also the whole "he bullies you bc he likes you is a whole topic I could probably go into about how no parties deserve that excuse bc it teaches young cis boys extremely unhealthy behaviors and also teaches cis girls that they should take it bc it's a crush, etc but again not the point. I'm ADHD, did I mention that?)

Okay. Hopefully onto the rest of my point.

Growing up afab, I was taught a lot about how "boys are". They're mean because they crush on you, you wont be chastised for saying something derogatory about an entire group of people (who aren't doing it bc of their gender but because they're assholes and the teachers didn't feel like stopping them from being assholes. Or something. There's probably an intersection of ableism there truth be told), you won't be allowed to play hockey but do figure skating it's safer! (And less boyish). Don't be like your tomboy cousins, they're gonna have to grow out of it and we'll reward that behavior when it occurs and push for less of tomboyish behavior too. Shave your legs, wear dresses, don't "look like a boy."

Don't try and "look like a boy". Not just because apparently I'm supposed to be a "girl" but "don't look like a boy."

Apparently, It's gross. Unhygenic, don't you know boys never clean up after themselves? It's undesirable to look like a boy as an afab person but ultimately for me it was taboo to even want to look like a boy.

And like, I get that there's the whole patriarchy thing and that rich cis white abled men who have no other form of intersectional oppression issues tend to be in power and all that. I'm not disputing that.

But for trans men, or at least, this one?

I was told it was bad to look like a boy or to want anything to do with being one.

And I think, honestly, there was an implied "it's a step down for you" with it.

And maybe that had something to do with growing up when a lot of the "girl power! Stuff was taking off". Maybe parents, teachers, etc were just trying to honesly say I didn't need to "step up" to be worthwhile because girls aren't lesser, and that's true. No gender inherently (structure of the world aside, in a world where bigotry isn't a thing etc) is better or worse than any other.

But I didn't hear "I don't need to step up".

I heard "you shouldn't step down, because you're valuable as you are and this would be leaving that all behind for the "easy" road of cis privilege" . And yeah, I have and always will benefit from white privilege, and able-bodied, unless something changes and I'm no longer able-bodied. But I will never be seen as either non queer (deliberately, because I want to be a safe place for queer kids to find, or for queer people in general looking for a friend) or noncis, probably. I'll never, ever be "stepping up". There's a good chance I'll always read something, because I'm autistic, I'm queer, I'm ADHD, and something will probably ring cis people's bells to say "something is off".

And I didn't - don't, as much as I'm working through it - want to "step down". It is so tempting to just recloset myself and live with the dysphoria and go after the scholarships I see aimed at cis women, the internships for that. But I can't. Because I can't even imagine just. Even stepping toward the closet. I couldn't keep the lie that I'm cis and a women up. Pandora's box was opened and I am unable to close it.

So I'll never benefit from those. And I'm stuck in the position where I can't seek out the trans specific ones because I'm not out to my parent, who I live with. And I love him to death, I do, but hearing "why do you want to look like a boy" from him hurts so damn much.

This got really long, sorry. I'm almost done.

I mentioned way above, how I used to mutter "boys" when I thought boys were being ridiculous and stupid or whatever. I've heard my friends say "men" like that and it stings, every time. Do you really think that I'm like this asshole you're talking about? That specific man is an asshole, true, but I can point you to 3 others off the top of my head who aren't. And I know there's a shit ton of shitty men out there. The point is I'm upset you automatically assume that I'm one of them even if you don't really realize that. I'm a man. I'm not cis, but I'm a man. You will pass me on the street and if you don't see the trans, you'll lump me in with the other men in your head who you will toss out a derogatory "why are men?" To.

So maybe it's a struggle because I know causing a fuss to that will get a "I'm talking about cis men" which isn't actually better. I'm a man cis or not and cis men can be good, actually. I know a good few and I'm sick of knowing that even saying that gets seen as "not all men!" Type bullshit. No, maybe I just want you to not assume my cis guy friends aren't total pieces of shit because they were born cis men. Maybe I hesitate(d) to label myself a man because I know that will downgrade their opinion on me, consciously or otherwise, if I made it a point for them to remember it.

I've definitely lost a few trains of thoughts I wanted to post somejwre here and there but anyways. Yeah. Here's a vent post and here's why the form of transphobia I specifically face because I am a trans MAN is a thing I deal with and would like to stop hearing that it doesn't exist.

I think I may make a post about how the whole concept of viewing the other gender as alien or another species isn't/wasn't just limited to cis boys about cis girls and how that ties into transandrophobia specifically (it also ties into transmisogyny I think? But I'm gonna talk about it/ramble about it in the context of transandrophobia) next but it definitely won't fit here cause this is too long already.

[coochiequeens]

Being born with a uterus doesn't automatically mean you're a woman. By Caroline ColvinMarch 23, 2021

When I first started menstruating, I figured all I'd have to worry about would be keeping track of predicted bleeding dates and how to expertly stick down a pad. I never could have guessed that my feelings toward my periods could become so heavy. But that's exactly what happened when I began menstruating as a trans and non-binary person. One day after school, during the fall semester of sixth grade, I felt a little off. I went to the bathroom to pee and found specks of blood on the toilet paper in my hand. While I didn't feel any elation or disappointment that my period had come when it did, I do remember being nervous about sticking my head out of the bathroom door and ask my mom for a pad.

From both my family and media (see: the period scene in The Clique), I'd picked up the idea that my cycle was dirty, my pain was invalid. I should live in fear of my pad making a crinkling sound, as no one should ever know that I'm bleeding. And yes, bleeding is natural, but it's still something I should be ashamed of—hence all the visual and verbal euphemisms. For example, in TV commercials, who thought it was a great idea to pour blue liquid on a pad to show its efficacy?

Growing up is often depicted as a loss of innocence. The only innocence lost with my menarche was realizing how cruel and complicated the world could be. That scene in The Clique where the popular girls sabotage new-kid-on-the-block Claire by smearing red paint on the back of her white jeans—plunging Claire into social humiliation—was forever burned into my pubescent mind.

Prior to the tight-knit group of progressive friends I've cultivated in adulthood, the only safe space I had regarding periods was the all-girls Catholic school I attended as a middle-schooler. Christianity can often uphold "purity culture," which is the antithesis of open, honest communication about bodies labeled female and reproductive health.

But my warm, welcoming, Catholic school teachers never made menstruating kids feel bad about ducking out to the nurse for a pad or needing to sit out during P.E. because of cramps. I do say menstruating "kids" intentionally to honor myself and other alums who later came out as gender non-conforming, and to also honor the openly trans and genderqueer kids who are now embraced by the school—which I moved far away from for high school and college.

Menstruating while trans

During my adolescence and young adulthood, I tested the waters to see how other people reacted to periods, noting the shame and disgust they exhibited. So I started being frank about my periods around my cis male peers. It wasn't in the name of feminism; I was just sick of the sexist shame. However, my fourth-wave feminist irritation only lasted so long. My undeniable gender-queerness came to a fever pitch in 2019 and I came out that summer.

By that point I'd been taking birth control pills for about six months. During the decade of menstruation leading up to my ob-gyn visit for the pill, my periods had become pretty debilitating. I was prescribed Levora, and while the physiological symptoms of my cycle eased once I went on it, a different kind of discomfort flared up.

Navigating the period aisle

I became acutely aware of how transphobia compounds period stigma. This phenomenon is hard to ignore when retailers consistently label menstruation-related products "feminine hygiene" and "women's health care."...see rest of article.

A trans woman is uncomfortable with the way society treats menstruation and thinks the answer is to make products gender neutral.