#i wasn't gonna do this today but i couldnt help myself

[candescentkpop]

The thunder strikes the world

Dreamcatcher: Vision

Dreamcatcher Part 38 / ∞

[adhdduckie]

felix felices, or liquid luck f.w. x fem! reader.

my masterlist

irl mutuals dni (你没有看到我）

music choice; yo bro wtf

t.w.: swearing. (sorry i couldnt help myself)

word count: 3.5k

synopsis; strangers (hallway crushes) to lovers, with the help of felix felicis potion, or the liquid luck potion!!

here you go anon! hope you enjoy <3 sorry i took so long.

im so sunburnt help

(slightly inspired from my own events but let me tell you i died inside. i hate chemistry oh my lord, potions reminds me too much of it lol)

warnings; not proof read. 3 (?) mentions of y/n, a really stupid misunderstanding. reader is described with hair that can get blown into their face.

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everybody knew fred weasley. it was impossible not to, as they were hogwart's most well known pranksters since the era of the marauders.

of course, you did not happen to know him well enough yourself. you had a couple of lessons with him, such as; potions, herbology, and arithmetics.

His brother and he never really contributed anything to class discussion, only ever helpfully supplying mischief and jokes, and whatever they deemed interesting to themselves.

however, you noticed him wherever you went. It seemed as if it was almost impossible not to, he just happened to pop up randomly everywhere. In hogsmeade, in the hallways between classes, and in your dreams. (not in a weird way you weirdos).

Maybe the first time you ever really started thinking about him was when he appeared in your dream…you weren't too sure. But soon enough, you began thinking about him way too much, counting down the lessons till you could see him again in a next lesson.

you began searching for him in the hallways, the common room, the dining hall. even in places you know he would never be, but it just seems like you were always looking for him.

in lessons, everything he did, you were drawn to. you knew what he had, knew what he liked, and you spoke to him only every once in a while.

'this sucks.' you'd tell your friends. they'd laugh, telling you you should just talk to him more.

which isn't really helpful. you would think.

through some miracle ( or horror, you really couldn't decide.) you ended up sitting with fred in potions. Technically it wasn't a miracle, you had just been goofing off with your friends, being too loud for dear old snapey, you'd been moved next to him.

'oh god oh god oh god oh god' was the only thing going through your head as you packed up your desk to move next to him. your friend could barely hold in her laughter, having to slap her own hand over her mouth to muffle it.

'oh shit oh shit oh shit what have i done to deserve this oh my god' is what you were thinking as you walked towards the back, brushing past george as you walked towards fred.

You sat down at his desk, and he turned his face to you, giving you a soft smile. you pray internally that your face does not erupt into flames.

professor snape, once satisfied that you are suffering, turns back to the board, tapping his wand impatiently on the board.

"today," he drawls, "we will be attempting the felix felicis potion. failure to produce a functioning potion will result in a fourteen inch parchment describing every step you made and what you did wrong." he finishes, piercing his gaze into every one of his students.

you wince. fourteen inches for a mistake? seems costly. Potions has never been your strong point. (for the purpose of this, we're gonna pretend fred is excellent at potions.) You pray to the gods above that you don't mess this up for fred.

as snape sits down on his desk, working through marking some paper. as you get up to go get the ingredients as fred sets up the cauldron. you come back, setting down the ashwinder egg, squid bulb, murtlap growth, thyme occamy eggshell, and powdered common rue on the desk.

fred smiles again, thanking you for your help.

"so we have to set in the ashwinder egg first. you wanna do it?" fred asks, as you tie up your hair. he watches as you do so, and you nod, trying to fight off any embarrassment.

he steps back from the cauldron, letting you do so. your hands are shaking and you are doing everything in your power to stop it. in your haste, you knock over the murtlap growth, but before it falls, fred's hand flashes out, catching it in his hand.

"sorry!" you apologise frantically, and he laughs. It's the nicest laugh you've ever heard, deep and infectious, a laugh you'd be able to hear across the room and still recall years later.

"don't worry. i caught it." he says, setting it back on the table.

you smile, avoiding eye contact. you manage to finish the task, and with his help with mixing, the felix felicis is done. while he was mixing, you tried to pretend not to notice his hands. they're nice, to say the least. his hands are rough and calloused from years of being on the quidditch team, as a beater. he's got small white scars littered across his hands from years of experimenting with george over their joke shop products. you have to drag your eyes away.

The felix felicis potion is finished, and it's the most beautiful shade of gold you've ever seen. You would describe it akin to what you would imagine liquid gold to be, and it fits perfectly into a little vial the size of your middle finger. all that work for a little vial no bigger than your middle finger.

it's still the most valuable potion in the world, though.

the potion has large drops of gold leaping across the surface like goldfish, but it never seems to spill out of the vial. you put the stopper over it, and you hand it to fred, your fingers brushing against his warm ones in the process.

"thanks." he seems to whisper, even though he speaks at normal volume.

"we work well together, i think. usually i can't even get a basic potion done." you tell him, laughing a little.

"i bet that's not true." he responds, the corner of his lips upturned.

"it is." you laugh.

you both return to your seats after setting all the equipment away, and as the first group finished, it means you get to present it first.

snape looks at it approvingly, the first time he's ever regarded something you've done, as done well. you can't help but smile, and snape speaks. "i'm glad that you were able to work well once i removed you from your friends. mr. weasley will now be your partner."

you stare at him in slight disbelief, before shrugging and saying, "yes professor snape."

"as the first students done, and the best potion made, you may keep it. decide amongst yourselves which of you gets it." snape finishes, before shooing you away from his desk.

you both stare at each other, your eyes meeting his hazel brown ones. "you have it-" "i don't want-" you both say, before he tries to hand it to you.

you push his hand away, shaking your head, "it's alright, you can keep it."

"no, i think you should keep it. after all, you need it for potions, right?" he jokes, pushing it into your hands.

you gape at him in mock shock. "how could you say that! We only did so well because of me!" you respond, in mock indignation.

he laughs, as he closes your palm over the small vial, and you realise you've lost. however, you decide, you will sneak it into his bag when he's not paying attention.

the end of the lesson has never come so fast. And for the first time in your life, you're slightly disappointed to leave potions. before leaving you levitate the felix felicis potion into his bag with your wand, and you grin wickedly. you'll just have to see him in your other classes later.

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Fred Weasley thinks he is absolutely screwed. After a year of having a crush on a girl who he does not talk to often, despite sharing three lessons with her, he is now partners in potions with her for an indefinite period of time.

He doesn't know when he first noticed you, but god, is he glad he did. he thinks you may be the prettiest girl he's ever seen, with the brightest smile, and the sweetest personality.

so imagine his surprise, that this sweet girl, has gotten in trouble for talking so much (he doesn't care, he liked listening to your voice)

while you were freaking out and chanting 'oh shit' in your head, something similar was going through fred's. george coughs, unsuccessfully hiding his laugh behind it. fred elbows george to get him to shut up as you approach the table, and george gathers his things, to leave. he winks at fred, before walking to your previous seat next to your friend, flashing a quick and easy smile.

fred wishes he could talk to you so easily, and he tries his best not to show his nervousness, flashing you what he thinks is an awkward smile. (it isnt, it looks natural as hell, not to mention hot as hell)

while you make the potion, he watches you with fervour, as if he's scared he'll miss a single movement you'll make, hungrily soaking up your smiles like a man starved.

every touch feels like something he's been missing, like a hot cup of chocolate after a walk in winter, and he's scared he's going to get addicted.

he wants to give you the felix felicis, and is happy when you finally give up. after potions, in herbology, he reaches into his bag, to find the felix felicis. he laughs, before searching across the classroom for you.

when he makes eye contact, he raises an eyebrow, holding it in his palm to show you, his heart fluttering in his chest. he looks as composed and calm as ever to you, but he knows differently.

it becomes a game, the felix felicis. it takes over several months, and you start to get creative with it, hiding it in his mail, he hid it in your textbooks somehow, you hid it in his hair, etc etc.

it became a competition, who could come up with the craziest spots. after you hid it a couple months later in what you hope was his jacket pocket.

it's been awhile since you had first sat with fred in potions because of professor snape, and you're so happy to say that you've grown closer over the months, even spending time together out of lessons at cafes to study, or in the library together.

after hiding the felix felicis in his jacket pocket while on a walk with him in the winter months, you wait for his turn.

one day passes. nothing happens. another day, and another. four days later, and it still hasn't turned up yet. where is it? you wonder. you check for it everywhere you go, turning your entire dorm upside down searching for it.

he couldn't have lost it, right? it was in his jacket pocket. could it be that he's bored of this game, and he just decided to keep it? must be.

you're disappointed, of course, it was very enjoyable. but there's nothing you can really do.

imagine your surprise, when you walk into the dining hall, to see fred standing with his brother, and what- what's that in his hand? none other than the felix felicis.

you watch as he takes a swig of it, setting the rest of the vial in his pocket. his brother pats him on the back in what seems to be encouragement, and he walks over to your friend.

he smiles at her, and she smiles back. they talk and for some reason your heart starts to get a bit heavy.

'did he just drink the felix felicis just to talk to her?' you ask yourself. unable to stand there and watch, you turn around and walk out of the dining hall, threading your fingers through your hair, brushing it away from your face.

something dark, sick and familiar is brewing in the pit of your stomach, it's pulling, pushing your heart strings.

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fred weasley is going to ask you out. he toys with the felix felicis vial in his pocket as he waits for you to enter the dining hall, turning it over and over again in his pocket as he leans against one of the columns with george.

you don't show up for awhile, and fred's wondering where you are.

"go ask her friend." george states, pushing him forward, giving him a reassuring pat on the back.

fred hypes himself up, and he takes the vial out of his pocket, swigging a sip as he stalks towards your friend. the liquid is thick but light in his mouth, tasting of golden hawthorn berries and honey.

he taps her on the shoulder and smiles at her nervously.

"hey. where's y/n?" he asks your friend

"she's still upstairs i believe." she responds with a smile.

she turns around to see you walking out of the hall, and her smile drops.

"oh."

"what?" fred asks.

"i think she may have misunderstood what's going on." she sighs, and gives fred a slightly strained smile. "you couldn't have waited till after you spoke to me to drink it, could you?"

fred flashes a confused look. "whatever do you mean?"

"hasn't the entire potion been a game? who could hide it the best?" your friend asks him.

"i mean, yeah, it has. but i don't see the problem…?" he scratches the back of his neck.

she rolls her eyes, muttering something about 'boys…' freds eyes narrow, and she lets out a soft laugh.

"right. think of it this way. imagine you've had a crush on this guy for ages. you're not exactly close, but you talk. you have one 'special' thing you do together. for example, hiding the potion….and then you see them keeping it for themselves….you got me?" Your friend finishes, raising her eyebrows at him.

he stares, before realisation finally dawns on him.

"oh shit." he mutters, hand threading through his ginger locks.

"well?" your friend asks, somewhat impatient. "go after her."

fred nods, sprinting across the dining hall, after you. praying to himself that he can fix this, and george throws him a thumbs up as he sprints past.

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'fuck.' you think as you sit down on the edge of the astronomy tower. you can't help but replay the moment of fred drinking the felix felicis before he speaks to your friend. he looked so nervous but so hyped.

you're not about to jump off the astronomy tower, but it's a nice place to be where you need some time alone, to think. you need that now.

that sick, familiar and painful thing pulling at your gut earlier, its back. theres nothing you can do now, but just sit back and let it happen, you suppose.

She's your friend, and so is fred. you have to be okay with it. it's not worth losing friends over.

the wind picks up, ruffling your hair into your face, tangling it into knots. the rain starts pouring down, dropleta cascading down your face.

turning your face up to the sky, you let out a deep sigh, feeling tears prickling at your waterline, fighting the tears back. 'no. you don't have a right to be upset.' you chatise.

'he's not yours. he never was.' you need to remind yourself. this isn't fair to either of them, they had no control over their feelings.

despite that, the tears continue to fall. you can't compete, this isn't fair. she knew you liked him. she knew how you felt. you literally spoke to her about it.

There is nothing. nothing you can do about this. you are just going to have to wait for the feelings to go away. it wouldn't be fair to like your best friend's boyfriend. (getting ahead of yourself, aren't we?)

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fred weasley is freaking out. he can't find you. you're not in the common room, in any of your lessons for the day (yes, he knows your schedule), you're not in any of the bathrooms (he didn't go in, he just asked the girls who came out of the bathrooms), and you're not near the black lake.

in his haste, he almost runs in to someone. "shit." he grunts

"watch where you're going!" someone says. he looks up and realises it's harry.

"oh it's you. you alright there, fred?" harry says, pulling fred up to his feet.

"harry!" fred basically shouts. "where's the marauders map?" he practically begs, and harry raises a brow in response.

"not the time. i need it." harry nods, pulling it out of his pocket, before handing it over to fred.

"oh shit." fred whispers, seeing your name pop up at the astronomy tower. how could he forget it? you told him weeks ago that it was your favourite place in the school.

shoving the marauders map back into harry's arms, fred yells his thanks to harry as he speeds through the hall, skipping steps three at a time to get to you, he stumbles a couple of times, not hitting the floor, but catching himself just in time.

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your back is to the door, and the combination of the rain and the wind prevents you from hearing it open.

"y/n? are you alright?" fred asks quietly, taking a deep breath and sitting besides you.

you turn your face away, wiping away the marks of tears before turning back to him.

"yeah. just enjoying the rain. it's nice, isn't it?" you tell him, trying to change the topic, giving him a soft smile.

you both stare off into the distance, slowly watching all the dark rain clouds move away from the astronomy tower.

he notices that you're drenched, and he sighs. he pulls his jumper over his head, pulling his wand out from his pocket as he does so. "exaresco" he whispers as you dry off.

he passes you his jacket, which you accept without a word. it's still warm with his body heat, and smells faintly of the quidditch pitch and cinnamon, tinged with a scent of something burnt.

"so. you and (friend's name), huh?" you say to attempt to lighten the mood. turning your face to him, you send him a (fake) sly smile, nudging him in the arm.

he stares at you, furrowing his eyebrows. since he finally knows how you feel about him, why are you acting like this?

"no." his reply is short, straight to the point.

you gape at him, mouth falling open and he lets out a deep chuckle, his index finger reaching out and pushing your jaw back up.

"what do you mean no?? I saw you going up to her, drinking the felix felicis." you say, pushing his hand away from your face with a confused frown.

"it wasn't for her." He states simply, hoping his answer is enough for you to finally understand his feelings.

you stare blankly at him.

"you're one of the smartest people i know, but you're so oblivious." he states, sighing playfully.

"then who's the lucky girl?" you ask him, not really wanting to hear the answer anyway. your stomach's already feeling heavy, and he's not even said anything yet. is it katie bell? angelina johnson? who else has he spoken to that he might like?

fred lets out a groan. how can you be so oblivious.

"what?" You laugh, nudging him and trying to get out an answer from him. your hands are getting cold, so you put them in your (fred's) jacket pockets. there's something cold inside, and you pull out a familiar vial.

"why would you think there's anyone else?" fred asks, eyes trained on you as you turn the vial over and over again in your hands.

that catches your attention and your eyes turn to him. "what do you mean?"

fred laughs, his hand combs through his ginger locks as he pushes them back nervously.

"I'm trying, and failing apparently, to tell you i like you." he finally says, laughing nervously again, avoiding eye contact with you.

you gape, for the umpteenth time tonight, before realising he must be joking. you force out a laugh, slightly (super) disappointed. "you're so funny." you deadpan.

"i'm not joking."

"you must be." You respond, slightly hurt that he finds something like this funny. you're facing away again, so you don't notice him look at you. something steels inside of him, and he's confident this will end in his favour.

he reaches up, his hand finding your jaw, and he pulls your face back to him.

something in his eyes is dark, and you realise for the first time, that he's not joking. there's something similar to adoration in his eyes, and it's everything you do in your power to stop from gasping.

"i'm not joking." he repeats.

you can feel his breath on you, fanning across your skin like a warm embrace.

"are you sure?" you whisper, trying to contain the butterflies in the pit of your stomach.

"yes." his response is short, sure and straight to the point. "i am"

the next thing you know, his lips are on yours, breaths mingling together. he pulls you closer, and you feel yourself melt into his embrace.

you pull back from the kiss, and he lets out a unhappy groan.

"does this mean…you like me?" you ask him.

he glares at you, and you laugh. "i'm only joking." is your response. he grins, his forehead resting against yours.

you lie your head on his shoulder, and the both of you enjoy each other's company. this all happened because of felix felics. you can't help but feel so grateful. maybe you should stop hating potions now.

[river13245]

I Don't Beg

Navigation / SPN Masterlist

Warnings: Fighting, being taken, arguing. Lucifer being an ass. OH ALSO best friend Crowley

Crowley who had been one of your close,dare you say friend. So when he had called you very early in the day asking you for help on a case. You couldn't exactly just tell him no. You drop everything you're doing just to go to his place

He knew to call you at a certain time when your boyfriend couldnt hear you. Your boyfriend slept in rather late while you got up at a reasonable time and went to bed after the sun goes down. Unless you had plans throughout the night.

After ending the call you had went to you and your boyfriends shared bedroom and looked at him once more before leaving a note on the door.

Goodevening Darling I had to leave early this morning something had needed my attention Im safe and sound so dont come looking for me Ill be home before tonight. Try not to evil today xoxo ~ yours

-----

When you arrived to where Crowley was he was sitting on his throne. He wasn't the king of hell anymore, but you had managed to let him keep his throne even after your boyfriend took everything from him. You just stole it back and gave it back to him.

what do you need my help with crow?" You used his nickname and he rolled his eyes. "Ive told you to stop calling me that y/n/n" He got up from his throne and walked in front of you with his hands in his pockets.

As you hear his response "yeah well I don't think the Winchester boys enjoy you calling them moose and squirrel. Now do they?" He shrugs and smirks "well you might have a point there"

You both looked at each other for a moment before you broke the silence "Okay what do you need from me. What's the job we need to do" Crowley looks at you for a moment as if he's debating on if he really should bring you into this. However he really did need help. "There's a family of vampires in the next town over, I could take care of those myself really but there's demons all over the place. Those I cant take care of alone"

Sighing you shake your head "Fuck Lucifer is gonna be so pissed" Crowley rolls his eyes placing his hand on your shoulder "yeah yeah your dear old boyfriend will be upset. Never stopped you before, now come on"

----

When you got there you moved quietly trying to find an opening to sneak through so you can go straight to the vampires and deal with them first.

Crowley of course had other plans, he made himself known. He always had to make an entrance but you also know why he did it. It was so you can go undetected because they would be too focused on him.

As you walk into this abandoned facility that was in the middle of no where all you smelt was dust. You had to fight the urge to sneeze, it looked so unclean. Hell they were vampires, they had no class they were ugly creatures.

You make your way through the building until you find one. You knew that if you attacked now that there was a good chance of all of them looking for you but you decide to risk it.

When the vampire wasn't looking you grab both of your knives and jump onto its back. Legs wrapping around him and use your knives to completely cut off his head in one swift move.

It never had time to make a sound except scratch you slightly. That was something you could deal with later. You wipe of the blood from your knives so blood wouldn't trail behind you and give off where you were, you were smarter than to do that rookie mistake.

The next room you walk in there's a group of them all standing around a bit on edge from the demons outside causing a chaos. You had to think strategically so you grab the nearest thing you can throw and throw it across the room. A few of them go towards the sound but some of them come closer to where you are.

You end up slicing ones head off while the other one grabs onto you rather roughly. using your foot you kick high behind you right into the mans balls, you knew how painful getting kicked there is. he loosens his grip on you just enough so you could pull away and cut his head off too.

As you do this the other two vamps run up to you but you were quick and managed to get one. The other however did pin you down to the floor. However as soon as you manage to grab the blade you roll over on top of him as he beings his mouth to your neck. Before he sings his fangs in you cut his head off. "fucking ugly bloodsuckers"

Standing up you brush yourself off and let your guard down for one second before you hear a voice whose you've never heard before. "well that's a bit rude don't you think?" Turning around you see a demon.

"well what can I say im not very fond of vampires or demons. You guys are nothing but pricks" as you say that you go to step forward when something grabs you and presses you against them. When you hear a sarcastic evil laugh you know its another demon. "well thats no way to talk to a demon. Plus you cant hate us all to bad when you are dating THE lucifer"

I let out a laugh and look at the demon in front of me. "well lets just say he won me over. He is a fantastic kisser...I don't see any of you puckering up"

Saying this only made them more frustrated causing the demon behind me place a knife to my throat. "hm you've got a mouth on you. Wonder what Lucifer would react like if we were to cut your tongue out and then send you back to him"

Opening your mouth to say something that would be very stupid you heard someone come into the room and speak. "I wouldn't do that" everyone's head turned. The demon holding you turned the both of you around, the blade still against your neck and there stood your boyfriend. Looking at the others "you see if you would have cut their tongue out and sent them back to me I would have fixed them of course and then I would have found you and what I would do to you is a hell of a lot worse than you could think of"

The demon behind you falters just a moment but its enough that you are able to break free and swing your leg out tripping him and then you use his own blade to cut his head off. The other demon was running up to you who was stopped by lucifer and he instantly killed them with just a flick of his wrists.

Instantly he goes back over to you and looks over you. Clearly pissed even as you place your hands on his shoulders to try to ground him. "what the hell are you doing here?" he asks demandingly "I should have known you couldn't let me go anywhere without you knowing where I am"

He glares at you and before he responds Crowley comes rushing in. "shit y/n are you okay?" Lucifer turns to look at him and without even a second thought lucifer pinned him to the wall and punches him causing him to go flying back.

Running towards Crowley you shield him with your body so if Lucifer wanted to hurt him he would have to hurt you too. Lucifer looked at the both of you. "I should have known he would be the reason that you drop everything and leave to put yourself in danger"

Ignoring him you place your hand on Crowley's face and you keep asking him if he's fine and he leans away from you and stands up. "I'm fine y/n/n now shoo" he had a busted lip and was bleeding but he instantly used his magic to fix it and you were finally able to breathe.

You then stand up and look over at your boyfriend who is standing there glaring daggers at the both of you. Walking up to him you grab his arm. "were leaving"

----

As soon as your heels hit the floor lucifer is off of you and instantly yelling at you. "what the hell were you thinking. You really thought i would buy the whole "I'm safe" thing. Come on you should know be better than that by now"

He was pissing you off, this is how it was between the both of you. there was always something you do that angered him, the littlest things always ticked him off. "Yes because I thought since I'm your boyfriend that you wouldn't need to feel the need to come after me."

"oh come on. I'm Lucifer have you ever heard any stories where I'm anything but the devil. I'm not a nice guy, you knew what you were getting into when you got with me" he says as he glares at you his eyes turning colors but it doesn't intimidate you anymore.

Instead of coming up with another angry retort back you let out a sigh and shake your head. Lucifer looks at you and almost says something to piss you off but stops when you say. "Yeah you're right I did know what I was getting myself into" your voice is quiet but loud enough for him to hear. "maybe I made the wrong decision"

Finally looking up at him you see how he freezes. "what? what do you mean by that?" Tears start to form in your eyes but you take in a deep breath. "what it means is that I'm leaving. I cant keep doing this"

Lucifer looks at you for a moment before responding "cant keep doing what?" At his cluelessness you scoff and grab your bag. "I cant keep doing this. There's always something I do that makes you upset, I'm tired of being yelled at by you. That isn't what I want in a relationship...im tired"

Not giving him a chance to respond "I love you so deeply Lucifer but I cant keep doing this with you." He doesn't say much so you give him one last look before turning and walking to the door of your home.

The same home that you had to beg him to get because he just wanted you to live down in hell with him but he gave in and he even enjoyed this house more than you did. He was a good boyfriend some days. But you couldn't keep arguing all the time anymore.

Your hand is on the door when a hand grips onto your arm and turns you to look at him. He looks....heartbroken? Not really ever having seen this side of him before you yourself are confused.

When you see him start to kneel in front of you as he holds onto your hands you shake your head. "what..no..what are you doing?" you knew he wasn't proposing. He didn't believe in marriage, he had said "people will know your mine we don't need a label on it. You are my partner and that's enough for me" but it still made you nervous because he has never knelt in front of you like this before.

Lucifer looks up at you and in a shaky voice he speaks. "please don't go. I need you and I'm sorry for the way I've acted, I promise ill change." Now realizing what he's doing. He's begging for you back and your shaking your head placing your hands on his face gently.

You didn't need to speak right now all you had to do was focus and you would be able to see into his mind. As you hold his face he nods giving you permission and the memories he had shown you made your heart break.

He showed you the moment when you guys got your house. You had been so happy and instantly kissed him, or when you guys first kissed and he was so gentle. As he let you inside of his mind you seen everything and heard every feeling he felt for you that he struggled showing. However its the last one that finally makes you break.

~~~~

You had been taken by an angel who had been working with a demon and taking them both on had been a struggle but you did well enough that you were still alive. It had been almost three weeks and you know that the reason they kept you alive was because they needed something from Lucifer and the guys. They had fed you just enough to keep you alive but still keeping you weak and tied up. Then one day Lucifer had came and found you. The guys were there too, Crowley and Cas were defending you. You were barely conscious but conscious enough to hear what was being said. "Okay Lucifer you have something we need and we have something you want" one of the demons say before the other one finished "I think its a fair trade don't you think?" Lucifer wasn't having any of this while Cas was just telling him to just hand it over but that wasn't his style. "How about you hand him over to us and I let you go free" At the sound of them potentially gaining their freedom they almost let up. One grabs you by the neck tilting your head back ready to snap it. "hmm as tempting as that sounds I think id rather see you begging for your precious toy back" there is a chuckle in the air that's coming from Lucifer "I'm the devil, I'm not going to beg for anything." At his words you feel your heart break thinking he was just going to let you die to save his reputation but then you see the demons vanish and there stood Sam and Dean and you had passed out"

----

Coming back from the memory you move your hands to his shoulders and you kneel in front of him so you guys are kind of at the same height. Realizing that he was begging for you...not caring about how he looks right now. You place a kiss to his lips and wrap your arms around him. "I'm sorry. I don't want to leave you, but we have to work on the anger towards me. Ill work on my stuff too"

"of course as long as I have you with me" he says as he kisses you again

[doctormage]

sorry i need to complain rly quick

ok so i went to the derby thing monday and in a nutshell it was awful solely bc i literally could not stay upright on my skates. im a severe asthmatic so i have to take albuterol before exercise and sometimes it makes me shaky, but this time my legs were like, completely and genuinely useless

everyone there was SO nice and only cared that i didnt hurt myself but im still really fucking embarrassed bc like. i make a point to exercise my legs every single day. at bare minimum i do squats and calf raises EVERY SINGLE DAY and have been for MONTHS bc of physical therapy. those two exercises particularly help keep my ankle and foot mobile so i make sure to do them, at least 30 of each, DAILY!!!!!!!!! my quads are fucking great!!!!!

so im like. alright. very cool and normal that the medication thats supposed to help me breathe is preventing me from even skating 3 feet in any direction, also very cool and awesome that people are gonna think its bc i have zero lower body strength (when in fact that is the ONLY place i have any strength!) bc my legs are like jello rn

(on top of this i was just so anxious and awkward and all this immediately brought up countless childhood memories of my gym teachers openly bullying me in front of my entire class bc i - severe asthmatic who was even worse as a child - wasn't going "fast enough" or "trying hard enough" or whatever. and also generally like the shittiness of not being able to play w your friends or whatever as a kid bc your lungs dont fucking work. so the frustration over this one thing just opened a can of worms that had been marinating for the last 26 years of my life)

(additionally i have placed a LOT on this mentally bc it's my attempt at like cultivating a hobby that involves other people and forcing myself to make friends that live in the same city as me. i've wanted to do this for over a YEAR, i was so excited after i got cleared by my physical therapist, and i also had a cold last week and was frantically doing everything i could to be better again before monday so it was just!!! a lot!!!) (i was better btw and not contagious. still wore a mask to the rink in case i coughed rly gross or smth tho)

i also thought maybe its bc my knees hyperextend REALLY really bad just like in my normal posture so my center of gravity is always all fucked. so on top of my shaky ass legs im trying to combat the entire way my body holds itself and has ALWAYS held itself, while attempting to maintain balance on wheels, and not default to What I Literally Always Do Subconsciously Because That's How My Legs Work. anyway

yesterday it was rainy so i couldnt skate but today i put my skates on and im like. completely fucking fine. not trembling at all, totally capable of remaining upright, maintaining proper form, skating around, everything, even with my fucked up backwards knees. what the hell and fuck

on monday i'd borrowed skates from the rink bc i didnt want to be the only one in new-looking non-derby skates (which i wouldnt have been anyway) so i guess it could be because their skates didnt really fit me right or they're flat and my skates have a heel but like????? why???????? why am i fine now ???????????????????

we have practice again tomorrow and i will ABSOLUTELY be wearing my own skates idgaf how stupid they look i am not putting myself in that position again. i NEED people to know i have functional legs ;_;

[pacifymebby]

if you're feeling sinister / chapter six

Titch

I awoke on Monday morning wrapped up in Van's arms on the sofa, a blanket had been pulled up over my shoulders and a pillow tucked awkwardly behind Van's head. Probably his mam's doing.

Larry hadn't been found, hadn't come home. The police were looking for him, the woods were being searched. I hadn't had a proper night's sleep in days. I felt like I was the only one who knew the truth, the truth that he wasn't coming home, that something terrible had happened, that our town was too small for people to just disappear.

But still everyone said the same, they told me not to worry, they told me to try and get some rest. They told me that Larry would be back soon, that's he'd probably just gotten lost in the woods. I couldn't stand to listen to it but I couldn't look kind people in the eyes and tell them to shut the fuck up, so I looked them in the eyes and said nothing at all. I barely spoke.

Instead I stuck close to Van's side, smoking the cigarettes he rolled for me. Wearing the sweaters he chucked at me when I sat shivering. It wasn't that I was too cold.

Instead I wandered around in a daze, my mind replaying those haunted seconds when in the dead of night Id been sure I'd seen Larry standing there opposite me in the living room. His image flickering in and out of focus like the static at the end of a video. I was certain of what I'd seen and yet I didn't dare breathe a word of it to anyone.

That night I'd jumped, flinched at the sight of my friend quivering in front of me, his shadow strange and out of reach. The gasp which had escaped me had stirred Van and he'd found my hand with his and tried to squeeze my fingers to reassure me. Hadn't succeeded in offering me anything but his presence there beside me. And I hadn't told him what I'd seen. I couldn't bring myself to describe the uncanny shadow which had seemed so much like Larry and yet not at all. Like a ghost or a fragment of memory. Humans couldn't flicker in and out of focus like that. They couldnt dissolve into static right before your eyes.

That morning when I woke up I could hear the rest of the house already come to life, Vans mam in the kitchen cooking breakfast. Guests in the kitchen chatting away to her about her trouble making son and his friends. She was trying not to mention Larry and I could sense the tension bristling all around her when I slipped from Van's lap and into the kitchen to offer my help.

Her eyes went wide at the sight of me, shocked and sympathetic all at once.

"Pepper love, what're you doing up so early go on get yourself back to bed..."

"Thought you might like some help?" I said hoping she'd hear the raise in my pitch at the tail of my sentence, hoping she'd realise that bed was the last place I wanted to go, but if she did she ignored it and said again.

"Go on go back to sleep pet you look shattered."

When she shooed me out the kitchen with her tea towel she was smiling, making her guests laugh, but they didn't know how literally she'd meant that word. Shattered. I did look shattered. I looked like I'd fallen apart and been put back together by the most half hearted architect and when Van saw me as I fell back down beside him on the sofa he let out a sigh.

"What're we gonna do with you eh lass?" He asked as he put his arm lazily around my shoulder, "you wanna ditch today?" He asked but I shook my head.

"No point," I said softly thinking that if Larry were to turn up it wouldn't be at school. Thinking that if I had to spend another day troubled and haunted by the memory of his flickering ghost I didn't want to spend it in the very room I'd found myself haunted in.

"Could be good for you I guess," said Van, pretending like he was only talking about me, pretending like he'd been feeling just fine all weekend, "take your mind off everything..."

"Maybe I can have a nice wee gossip with my new therapist," I sneered making him laugh. Grinning when he made a joke about taking a packet of sweets to share with her whilst we talked about boys. But I'd already decided I wasn't going to be talking to my therapist, and I'd already decided that the only reason I was going in at all was to get myself out of the house and away from the woods and away from the memory of Larry watching us sleep.

"How're you gettin in kids I'll drive yous?" Called Van's dad just as we were kicking out trainers on by the door. I was crouched fiddling with the laces of my converse when I looked up at Van and shook my head, eyes begging him to come up with an excuse for us to walk.

I didn't want to go in straight away, I wanted to skip assembly and the fuss that would follow the announcement of Larry as a missing person. I didn't want to feel all the eyes that would turn to stare at us, his left behind friends.

"Nah you're alrate dad," called Van grabbing his keys and shoving them in his pocket, grabbing a box of cigs from the pocket of a jacket he wasn't going to wear. "Meetin the gang on the walk anyway!"

"Well be careful, make sure you..."

"Aye we will dunner worry!" He shouted back as the door swung shut behind us.

The second we were down the bottom of the drive he took out two cigs, lighting one before he handed it to me, lighting his and inhaling dramatically, exhaling with a sigh of relief.

"Don't sound so relieved," I said quietly as we wandered down the road at a more than leisurely pace, "that's gonna be everyone else for the rest of the day."

But it wasn't.

We met Bob first, he was just leaving his house as we passed along the garden fence and we didn't have to stop for him to catch us. He fell into step beside us and nodded good morning but didn't actually say a word. He wasn't a morning person at the best of times but he didn't look like he'd had much sleep. Safe to say we all looked the same in that sense.

Benji and Mia were already waiting for us under the tree at the end of their garden, hiding from the view of their kitchen window whilst they smoked. Mia was dressed almost identically to me, a pleated skirt, a pair of knee socks, converse with cream leg warmers scrunched lazily around her ankles. Her cardigan was too big, my sweater which was actually Vans sweater was also too big. She wore her hair the way she always did, half scraped back from either side in a little pony tail, the rest down, a beige scrunchie with a little tuft of hair sticking out. She only really looked like her brother because they had the same eyes and brows. The same frown.

It was the frown they were wearing when he stopped at the bottom of their garden.

"Bond phoned just before we left the house," said Benji, his eyes dark, "said him and Suki would meet us later," he said, Mia's eyes darting to mine and tearing away almost immediately as if she were worried to be caught showing concern for me.

It was a fair enough worry though she was right to be concerned. Benji's words had sent a bitter stab to my chest and when Van started grumbling about how we were all supposed to be sticking together I felt my irritation sharpen. When I snatched his hand and dragged him ahead he seemed shocked but he shouldn't have been.

"Ah c'mon love it ain't that bad I'm sure they're just..."

"Wankers." I replied quickly, stubborn and sullen, my sulk making Van laugh as I practically dragged him up the hill towards school.

"Slow down Titch you're gonna make us early!" Shouted Benji as we rounded the corner onto Larry's street.

I stopped when I saw the police car outside his house, when I saw the curtains drawn across the living room window. His mam didn't want anyone looking in on her, didn't want anyone to see her tears, her fear. She probably felt like everyone was watching her, probably felt sick with all the eyes turned to her front door. I knew how that felt and when I felt Van tug on my sleeve to shift me along up the road I pulled away from him and wrapped my arms around myself, holding myself, trying to keep myself steady and straight.

I watched the quiet street from behind my fringe, kept my eyes hidden from anyone who might have been watching me. People who were nosy, who lived for the drama, the excitement of watching someone else live through hell. In this town I was the girl at the center of the horror stories, I was the one they whispered about even when the story had moved on without me. Larry was missing not me, Larry's mum was grieving, not me. And yet it was me the mothers watched, me who made them shake their heads, me the other kids spoke of in hushed judgemental tones.

By the time we got to the edge of the playing fields the rest of the school had been shut inside the sports hall for assembly. That left us to throw out bags down right on the edge of the field behind the football goal, hidden in plain sight.

Bondy and Suki hadn't shown up and as Van lit a joint and passed it around the circle I hardly even noticed him waiting for me to take my turn.

"Titch," he half sang to me waving the smouldering roll up in front of my face until the smoke stung my eyes and drew me back to reality.

"Oh," I breathed, eyes scanning the field again for any sign of my best mates.

Van tried to distract me by playing me a strokes tune on his shit little brick phone, offering to Bluetooth it to me if I liked it, but I was hardly listening. My mind was on other things, other people. Not just Suki and Johnny but on Larry too. The strange flickering ghost of Larry who'd been watching me in Van's living room.

The shadow I'd seen fleeing the window in the dead of night.

"Do you have to go see her again?" Asked Mia with a sympathetic frown, head cocked to one side. She was following on from something Van had said in my defense. Something about how I was probably just worrying about Larry, about therapy about how people would treat me now that my friend was missing...

"Yeah," I sighed, "I honestly think it's a legal requirement I can't remember... all I knows I got into a lot of shit last time I started bunkin em..."

"A legal requirement? Seriously thats insane!"

"No love," I said, "that's me..." I smirked taking a drag on the joint and passing it to her, "that's the point."

As we smoked I began to feel at least some of my worries dissipate. I wasn't so worried about Suki and Johnny anymore. Those kinds of worries began to feel trivial. I wasn't so nervous to go to class, though if I'd known what the day had in for me I'd probably have turned around and headed home again.

The weed didn't however ease my worried mind when it came to thoughts of Larry. When it came to thoughts of the ghost in the living room. The shadow in the window.

Those thoughts I couldn't shake to save my life and when it finally came time to wander into school, into our first class of the day, it was those thoughts which left me scowling. Too preoccupied to notice that the usually vacant seat beside me at the back of English had been taken.

"Ahh Pepper lass," sighed Mr Oakes, he'd grown up in this small seaside town, only ten years older than my parents, both of whom he'd taught English to when they'd been in school. He was looking at me now with the expression of someone who was trying to hide their sympathy. "Wasn't sure you'd be in today lass but eh, glad to see you cause we've a new lad joined us an I reckon you're the only one I trust to look after him..."

"Uh... oh," I said looking up at Me Oakes and then down at my desk where I saw that he was in fact right. There were two hands resting on the desk beside me, one hand holding a pen, the other tapping it's fingers on the blue surface.

I followed the hands up the arms to the shoulders and neck to see a scruffy mop of brownish blonde hair, and then when I looked back between my teacher and the lad sitting in the seat beside mine I saw an awkward smile.

"Sorry," he winced, "am Sam..."

"Hi Sam..." I said quietly, trailing off, so taken by surprise that for a moment I forgot I needed to sit down. I hovered for a moment looking back at Mr Oakes in confusion, a small frown knitted on my brow. Why was he giving me someone to look after today of all days? He would have been told about Larry... he would know what I was going through...

And yet there we were. Him offering me a small smile, nodding to my seat to remind me to sit down. This lad next to me... Sam, offering me another tight awkward little smile as I sat down beside him. Me, trying not to glare at him, trying not to be too hostile in my state of confusion.

I had that stoner anxiety as I sat down and took my pen out only to realise that I didn't really need it. Reaching for my book instead, I was rereading Carrie but when I placed it down on the desk in front of me and saw Leah Smith smirking, not bothering to hide her mouth as she whispered the word "psycho" to her friend, I thought twice. Hesitated before opening it, pretending to read because I was too shy to speak to this "Sam."

"What're you reading?" He asked after a moment reading over my shoulder with a small smirk.

"I'm not really reading it..." I started feeling awkward when he smirked and leant forward on his elbows, tilting his head in towards mine conspiratorially.

"So you're just pretending to read are ya?"

"Not because I don't wanna talk to you..." I started with a guilty blush, knowing that one look at me would tell him that that was exactly why I was pretending to read.

"No?" He asked with raised brows, at first he looked amused but when he leant back in his chair and shrugged his shoulders, the way he tried to laugh me off made me feel terrible and awkward. "S'alreet lass I wouldn't wanna be lumped with the weird new kid either.." he said with a smirk, "a was gonna tell ya yas don't need to pretend to be me friend like..." he chuckled, "just let me know who all the cunts are and then I'll piss off..."

I bit back a guilty smile, looking at my hands on the desk.

"well I'm bein a bit of a cunt right now for a start..." I said quieter, a stricken mumble which made him crack a laugh, turned a couple of heads back in our direction. Stirred another barely concealed whisper from Leah Smith. I looked up, glaring at her sullenly, only half hearing when Sam spoke again so that he had to nudge me with his elbow and repeat himself.

"She one an all?"

"Would you believe me if I told you she used to be my best mate?"

"Nah," he said shaking his head subtly, following my gaze where I remained holding her icy glare.

"When we were little, like preschool, apparently we were bezzie mates," I said chewing on the tip of my pen, opening my book again, barely skimming the pages this time as me and Sam carried on talking awkward and quiet through to the end of class.

By the time the lesson was through my anxiety had begun to settle and as I scraped my chair along the floor pushing it back to stand and sling my backpack over my shoulder, I caught Sam's relieved smile with one of my own.

"Who have you got for maths?" I asked him as he shoved his things in his bag and stood up, only milling around for him. Usually id have been considering skipping maths to hang out at the back of the bike sheds with Johnny and Van but I didn't mind staying for maths if I had class with Sam because so far he'd proven to be alright.

"Mr Dunwoody or somet I think.." he said only wincing when he saw me wince.

"Ouch," I said chewing my cheek, "I can't walk with you cause my class is only across the corridor and I'll end up getting dragged in won't I..."

For a second I thought I saw disappointment in his eyes, his smirk faltering only for a second before he was shrugging me off.

"Nah," he said shaking his head, "you're alright lass, don't need mindin everywhere like," he grinned, "just glad a know there's someone sound in English like," he grinned, the two of us stopping in the classroom doorway. I was looking for Suki and Mia who were usually just coming out of the class next door. Sam was looking at me.

When I looked back at him I felt stunned for a moment, I hadn't expected him to still be there, hadn't expected to find his eyes studying me.

"Reet well, wish us luck.." he smirked holding his hand up in a still wave before turning to walk away. Leaving me behind to wait for my friends.

I stood alone for a minute or two, slipping my earphones out of my pocket, putting one in, listening to mazzy star as I watched other kids bundled past me in a flow of relentless traffic. When Mia materialised beside me she was smirking, her eyes following someone down the corridor.

"Who was that?" She asked nodding in the general direction of students dawdling to class.

"What?"

"Who was that lad you were talkin to just now?" She asked her smile impish and naive.

"Oh," I breathed nodding my head, "new kid," I shrugged, "Oakes sat him next to me..."

"And does this new kid have a name?" She asked verging on a giggle as she knocked her elbow into me.

"Sam," I said, "can we go?"

"You can... I actually intend to get my GCSEs..." she smirked pushing away from the walls we'd been leaning against, "you're really not coming?" She asked but I shook my head, I didn't exactly feel good letting her down but I had my reasons.

"Got to meet my new bestie in half an hour anyway," I said with a dry smirk and dark malicious eyes.

"Oh," she said swallowing a little lump in her throat, "right... yeah... listen Titch... you gonna talk to her bout Larry?" She asked, I could see her trying not to wince. Could tell she was getting nervous not just because she'd mentioned his name, but because she was now late for maths.

"Not gonna talk to her about anything Mia,"

"I dunno Titch, it could be a good idea..."

"Won't bring him back," I shrugged feeling like I was stating the obvious, not realising until I saw her awkward smile falter that I'd said the wrong thing. "Shit sorry Mia," I sighed, "look I'll see you later yeah, don't worry about any of it yeah, sure it'll all be sound," I said, hating myself when I heard my voice, the lack of conviction.

Hating myself when ten minutes later I found myself behind the bike sheds with Van and Benji, playing with matches as if we were victorian street urchins, suddenly taken faint and silent at the sight of our friend grinning at us from the edge of the path.

Our friend who I should have been happy to see. Our friend who I couldn't bring myself to be relieved was walking towards us now, bright eyed, one hand raised to call out to Van.

"Canna believe yous are back here without me!" Called Larry, his voice startling Van and Benji who hadn't noticed him until he'd spoken.

"Shit... Lau!" Grinned Van, his voice shaking despite the smile on his face. That was just relief though. If I'd felt relieved perhaps I'd have done the same.

But I didn't, and I didn't feel like smiling. I felt hollow. Couldn't stop thinking about how he'd looked that morning standing in the dark of Van's living room. Dead.

[bonesandthebees]

Ider if i told u but i got my wisdom teeth removed today and that shit was the worst experience of my life ohmygod

The actual procedure went okay, though like i took an anti anxiety med that was supposed to knock me out but i was Fully Conscious LMFAO AND SO I ASKED THEM TO GIVE ME THE OTHER ONE BUT THEY WERE LIKE "naur bro ur fine" BC I WSNT FREAKING OUT A TON DJFKGKF WHICH I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR (tho it turned out to be a good thing bc those meds ended up making me . Hashtag emetophobia tw ifykwim)

BUT YEAH THE RECOVERY PROCESS WAS SHITTTT THEY TOLD ME I COULD TAKE OUT THE GAUZE IN 2 HRS AND SLEEP BC I WAS VERY TIRED BUT NOOOO IT WOUKDNT HEALLL FOR A WHOLE SIX ASS HOURS

Ahem sorry for yelling i was just very . Upset bc i wanted to sleep or even just drink fucking water man

BUT I DIDDD EVENTUALLY I DIDD WE REJOICEEE i think there was still a little bit of blood but i couldnt taste it anymore and i was really thirsty so shfkfkf and food (literally just broth lmao) made me feel a lot better so that's good

But yeah . -1100000 experience i would literally never recommend it (unless u have to, also from who I've talked to almost everyone else has had a better experience than me so if u are scared, do not worry king it won't be that bad. And even if it is like me, im here!! And alive!! And the nausea wasnt that bad, it kinda just came and went. Much better than migraines bro fr, migraines suck BALLS)

Like everyone kept telling me to watch a movie but that was stressing me out so what i ended up doing wss putting on a podfic (passerine podcast on yt woot woot, i listened to change fate by sircantus) and man it's actually wild how much it helped me. It helped calm my anxiety AND distract me from the pain. Once i did that existing felt less like suffering and more like an annoyance ahahah

OUGH I DIDNT EVEN GET ANY SILLY GOOFY MOMENTS EITHER BC I WASNT LOOPY AT ALL JUST TIRED DHFJFK

Anyways ty for letting me get that out of my system LMAOO

oh man this sounds literally horrible I'm so sorry icy 😭 that sucks that you weren't able to knock out even a little bit but at least the procedure itself wasn't horrible

god that sounds terrible though just sitting there for 6 hours waiting to be able to take the gauze out. that's so strange that it took so long. but at least you were able to listen to passerine podcast that's nice!!

everyone I know whose gotten their wisdom teeth removed had a better experience than this I am so sorry you got so unlucky.

I'm very grateful that I'm never gonna have to get my wisdom teeth removed. I had soooo much horribly painful dental work done to my mouth throughout my entire teen years that I now genuinely get bad anxiety anytime I'm in a dentist office even if I'm not there for myself, I straight up was getting anxious when I took my grandma there for a cleaning the other day 😭 and I keep putting off a recommended (minor) procedure bc of this anxiety it's badddd

I hope you're feeling better now though!!

[unethicalexperiments]

idk how to really start this but like. my mental state is just so exhausting like im so tired of it. theres no reason i should be this volatile theres no reason i should react to situations the way i do. just last night i had a weird (not even that bad) interaction with a stranger and it pissed me off so much i tried to kill myself. i wasn't sad or embarrassed i was just so furious over it, because it was a 10 second interaction and i couldn't explain myself to the other person, and i was just so fucking angry i was ready to physically hurt the other person over it well after i walked away. and then once i got home i was so upset that i got that unreasonably angry over a nothing interaction. and its not like i even got angry while i was still with the other person! it wasnt until after i walked away! there were only two thoughts circling in my mind for about 30-60 minutes after (idk im so bad at keeping track of time) that were just "why do i react to things like this" and "i just want it to stop hurting" bc thats the worst of it it just hurts so much. i swear im in physical pain after having breakdowns like that i feel hollow in my chest and obviously i dont have to say anything else about how much it emotionally hurts. i just want it to stop hurting. is that really too much to ask for? to not be in so much pain for just a little while? i guess i still havent come to terms with the fact that im disabled, because i still think of being disabled as someone who uses aids, even though i know invisible disabilities are a thing. i dont see other peoples invisible disabilities as being invalid, just really my own, because i still feel like im high enough functioning that i shouldnt consider myself disabled. i dont use mobility aids yet i dont take pain medication yet so therefore the literal brain damage i have isnt bad enough, im still fine. i kind of got off track but thats also part of it i guess. another thing that really gets me is the fact that i actually do have bpd, i was diagnosed by an actual doctor at 17 and its still a more than valid diagnosis. i feel like im in this constant cycle of "i have to get better because i cant keep living like this" and "i have to get worse so everyone else can see what theyve done to me". like last night i literally had to sit down and reread the dsm chapter on bpd to remind myself this is why youre like this. you do have this diagnosis its real and it is a problem. my 30 minute episodes of actively trying to kill myself to be followed by watching tv or something and laughing as if none of that happened. i still cant fathom not living like this, not having to go through this every fucking day. and then on the other hand i had a great interaction today at my job that made me feel really good about what i do and proving the work that i do is actually helping the community around me. and i felt on top of the world for like an hour, i felt great! and then another thing at work happened where i proved myself/my team to be right about something! which was also great! and i got another half hour of happiness. and then i get home and im reminded of how alone i am, how i really have no one to do or share anything with anymore. which is partially my fault and partially not! im not gonna act like im the most pleasant person to be around or that im easy to deal with, but fuck, man, i try. and it always feels like no one else is trying. i cut my own hair for the first time a few weeks ago; it came out great! and had no one to tell about it.

and now im just staring at a wall over all of it. none of the bad stuff happened none of the good stuff happened. im gonna get violently angry later and im gonna be nearly euphoric later, its just another day. and i want to change i want to change my lifestyle so bad but how can i do that without any help. i spent years of my life begging for other people to help me and got ignored, which resulted in my disability. i tried so hard to fix it on my own but i couldnt! im not a doctor! and now ill never be because i couldnt finish my pre-med classes because of my disability! i feel like im constantly screaming at the top of my lungs and waving red flags shouting please for the love of god someone help me every day and every day nothing changes. they say you cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped, but has anyone actually tried helping people before? youre telling me you cant problem solve? you cant find a different road to a solution, just because we cant take the easiest one? im sorry that its not easy for everyone else to help me, but how does anyone else think i feel?

but whatever. im fine now. i relived every emotion i went through while writing all that but im fine now. now that its all out there its all out there, out of my system. i dont care anymore. because it didnt matter. because it doesnt matter. none of it matters. it happened and its gonna happen again. ill go through these cycles again tomorrow and the next day and the next week and the next month and the next year and so on. it is what it is i guess. but does it really have to be.

[howdy-is-canon]

ok SO…………… imagine a world where howard and andy met while howard and carolyn were still together.

we have to think about the stage of howard's life that he was in at this time: he does NOT know that he's aro OR ace, so, uh, this changes a lot already because beforehand, he had already split up with carolyn, and had realised he was aroace, prior to meeting andy, which is why he ends up helping andy to realise his identity also. this doesn't necessarily need to change cuz howard can still realise hes aroace, break up with carolyn, and thru discussions and coming to terms with it himself, this would still help andy to come to the same conclusion about himself. i do think it's harder for andy to figure it out for himself considering he's not been in a relationship as such, ever, so it's one of those, “maybe i haven't found the right person” or “maybe i just need to experience it to understand” things… 

anyway let us consider the DYNAMICS here because…. much to consider here… it does resemble a sort of love triangle, if we're gonna be typical and romantic, but i feel this situation is neither of those things, so, lol. this is a dude in a relationship with a friend he's never been attracted to out of a feeling of obligation, realising he's a whole other orientation, ending it, and simultaneously building a friendship with someone else, and over a course of months to years coming to realise the kind of relationship that would work for him that happens to be with this guy. not like, sorry carolyn, i met someone else. lol. it would have ended regardless.

so anyway… probably howard DOES tell carolyn like, oh i trained up someone new today, he's called andrew, he seems nice but terrified. carolyn probably jokes about howard being the one to scare him, on account of his :| vibes, and howard admits he wasn't thrilled to have to train someone and it may have come across at first but he decided he likes this guy and hopes he didnt make him feel bad……… 🥺 

so two things are happening here: howard and andy are building a friendship, goofing around, laughing about carrot pants; and howard and carolyn are. i dunno. not doing that. i think they've been getting on fine but everything kind of immediately changed when they went from friends to “dating” and he felt pressure to be a certain kind of person to her now, what is a boyfriend, what do boyfriends do, am i being affectionate enough, etc. which he kind of blamed on Society or something at first before he realised most people WANT to do those things and aren't secretly lamenting them. and, gasp, that's why they form romantic relationships. 

AND. okay this feels bad. but when i was with tom i never mentioned him to people. my family obviously knew and i did sometimes talk about him, but not much, and mostly for functional purposes lol. i remember i was working at pearson the year i met louie when me and tom broke up, and i remember telling tom about louie, but i couldnt bring myself to say the word “boyfriend” out loud so i never mentioned tom to louie LOL uhh……. i can see howard just never really bringing up that he has a girlfriend until they break up. tbh. and probably he's acting spaced out at work after it happens, and andy's like, hey what's up. and howard is like umm. it's hard to explain.

and he's probably like. idk if they talk about it AT work, maybe andy asks howard at lunch or, when they're just standing around at some point lol. somewhere a little more private ya know, in the back. i know how supermarkets work……… and howard's like ok so…… i was kind of… in a relationship… i know it's probably weird that i didnt mention it before now, but it's because, umm. okay, this is gonna sound crazy, (it's fine, says andy) but, ok, we were friends in school, right, and i don't really know why that changed, because i don't think i ever actually saw her as anything else, but, i mean it was her that… expressed an interest… and i guess i just went along with it ‘cause that's how it goes, or so i thought, and it's a bit stupid really ‘cause we were actually really good friends until then. and like, i don't know if we will be again. now. ‘cause, fair enough, she didn’t take it very well.

andy: what did you tell her…?

howard: dunno, i just fuckin’, uh, had a mental breakdown or something and she kind of got the picture. (he’s kind of laughing at himself in a bemused way lol) … and then she asked me if i was gay. and i'm like, i don't fuckin’ know. i don't think i'm anything.

andy: that seems a weird thing to ask.

howard: well, okay. don't think anything of this, but, i don't make friends very often, so the fact i've brought you up a handful of times in conversation is apparently a good reason to think i've been secretly gay this whole time. which if i am, then it's a secret to me an’ all.

andy: wait, did i come up in your break-up conversation with your girlfriend?

howard: look, it's her that brought it up. (he kinda shrugs and holds his hands up here)

andy: no, it's fine, just… (i think andy is trying not to laugh here. very serious conversation.) it feels a bit like i'm part of a love triangle or something. 

howard: yeah, ya homewrecker. it's all your fault.

andy: i will not be held responsible for this!

howard: nah. it would've ended anyway.

andy: you're still making it sound like i had anything to do with this.

howard laughs at this. an exasperated little chuckle. i was going to say he runs a hand through his hair but this is, in fact, buzzcut era howard we're talking about. probably he just rubs his fuzzy head a bit lol.

howard: no, i know.

andy: are you doing okay, though?

howard: yeah… it's all good. thanks. sorry to bring you into it.

andy: don't be! i asked.

howard: yeah, but, just the stuff carolyn said about you.

andy: well that was her, not you. but i'd rather know about it than not.

howard: okay. fair.

i guess it trails off after this. but more conversations will be had i am sure. andy would check in with howard the next time they see each other. at some point there would be a conversation about howard's guilt over not being what carolyn wanted, and he felt “like a right dickhead” for pulling the whole it's not you it's me, thing, but it literally IS him and not her, it's what HE lacks. and andy says something about how howard doesnt owe anyone feelings he simply does not have and it's kind of absurd to think otherwise. 

as for how howard and carolyn's relationship is faring at this point — probably they've occasionally messaged each other and intended to stay friends. after the initial upset i think she does say she just had to process it and it's not his fault he feels like he does, but she doesn't understand why he ever thought it was a good idea to start going out if he never felt that way about her. he's been unpacking this himself before this conversation. he says he just liked her, and cared about her, and he thought that's what that was, and had nothing else to compare it to. he says, he doesn't want her to think he didn't care about her just because it wasn't in the right way. he's probably getting a little bit upset, a little bit agitated at this point. at the way he is. at how it just could never have worked, and it's his fault.

i actually don't know at what point the words aromantic or asexual first come up. i've had it that howard was the first one to adopt these labels, although he's less of a googler than andy, but it makes sense because stan's his brother and he's up to date on all the lingo and his friend rees is aroace don't you know. and howard does talk to stan about things. perhaps in more detail than with andy at this point since they hadn't really known each other for that long yet.

i think i still like it how it was; howard figures it out, tells andy at some point, bla bla bla, time passes. thoughts are percolating in andy's brain. months go by, he's started university, he's feeling how different he is to everyone (it's the autism, baby! get ready!), there's that thing about that guy who tries to flirt with him and he tells him he's already taken cuz he doesn't want to straight up reject the guy, and maybe a little bit for clout (he thinks, okay, well i have no friends here but at least they will know that i have someone outside of this place!)... and howard does come over a few times, and he is assumed to be the boyfriend, and i dont know yet how andy ends up explaining this one, but i think howard has a grand old time pretending to be andy's boyfriend lol. 

perhaps……… in classic sitcom fashion…… this leads to howard playing the part, putting an arm around andy, messing up his hair, giving him a widdle kiss on his widdle head 👉👈 and this is how they kind of get used to these casual touches. and maybe, just maybe, andy is SO touch-starved, and howard is kind of lamenting how these kinds of interactions seem to be exclusive content reserved only for those in romantic relationships. and maybe they talk about it a little bit. maybe they shyly admit to each other how they think it feels kinda nice. and maybe andy clarifies he's never felt any romantic feelings for anyone either, he is pretty sure, just in case howard was worried about that. and maybe the fake-dating scenario is actually the catalyst for all of Howdy. imagine that. wwooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaauuuuhkghg dying noises

also not sure how carolyn sits within all of this. i'm sure her and howard are talking a lot less, but still talking. probably they meet up now and again, as before. it seems okay, but howard probably actually finds it really hard to bring up andy, because! now i see the drama. if she realises howard and andy end up in some kind of a committed relationship, regardless of whether it's romantic or platonic or whatever the hell, i feel she may lose her mind lol. she’d probably be retrospectively filling in the blanks of what led to her and howard's ultimate demise, even though as i said, it really did not have anything to do with andy and would’ve always happened. but she would blame it on andy and think howard a liar. i imagine it could turn into a bit of a fight. she's calling him a liar and saying she felt bad for him and all this time it WAS because he met someone else. and howard is riled by this and asks WHY she felt bad for him, is it because he can't feel romantic love? does that make him worthless? is that the only thing that makes a person worth anything? 

(insert moses sumney “doomed” lyrics because im still insane about that song: if lovelessness is godlessness, will you cast me to the wayside? well i feel the peeling of half-painted ceilings reveal the covering of a blank sky)

(in fact another moses sumney lyric, from “don't bother calling”, which kind of encapsulates howard's guilt around not being enough for carolyn: i don't know what we are, but all i know is i can't go away with you with half a heart)

(i need a separate document just for moses sumney lyrics. but like. howard before he finds his little situation with andy mood, from “me in 20 years”: i'm left wondering if it's written on my urn that i'd burn alone like a star

(btw this is not howard's kind of music but i think andy would like it and i think it would absolutely murder him lyrically, and then he would show it to howard and it would murder howard as well. lol. anyway literally not relevant right now.)

umm… so maybe this is the bitter end of howard's friendship with carolyn, probably not, but at least it can never be how it was again. there is the potential for carolyn to learn and understand, but i don't know if this happens while they are friends. as i say, once howard unpacks some trauma, i think that carolyn not Getting It is not the biggest issue anymore. i think seeing her after this point would literally send him into some kind of a panic attack honestly. 

we know that at some point howard and andy decide to explore some intimate acts LOL i’m such a prude just say sex. but not really tho. they don't get very far. anyway i don't know if this is the trigger for the delayed-onset ptsd or no. i mean, probably? which means that howard and carolyn could have been friends still for several years until he simply has to cut ties with her. but perhaps it's been tapering off anyway. he's probably been feeling kind of weird about it for a long time and probably somewhere deep in the bowels of his mind he has known that he’s only been continuing their friendship to compensate for how he couldn't be the thing that she wanted, and he thinks he at least owes it to her to be a good friend. he's just like me fr.

and then… and then… i think that’s enough for now

[biscuitsngravie]

vent under cut // disability, injury

sometimes i wish i was just born with the disabilities i have now. like, im sure that i was already disabled to an extent (most teenagers don't get sick once a month for a year i dont think) but it's like

when ppl say ur one accident away from houselessness or disability they're right. cause after my first car accident i was mostly "fine" (fine enough to walk home instead of taking the ambulance cause i was scared of the cost). i was lucky that i ended up working from home for that year coincidentally enough. credit score? shot. finances? shot. but i could still "function" mostly.

then there was my second car accident. being the passenger, that quote about passengers getting the bulk of injury? yeah. couldnt walk, couldnt stand, could barely breathe. but i did it. did my at home exercises and learned how to mostly do things again. like yeah my back hurts more often than not, and i cant stand for as long as i used to, and there are these weird pains all over my torso sometimes, but im "fine."

then that fucking ladder months after my second accident. if those two didnt take me out, the ladder sealed the deal. barely able to do anything by lie down and stretch my muscles as needed. constantly on painkillers just to go to exist. and after months of physical therapy (i had to go to myself because it wasn't "far enough" to be covered, which included a minimum of an hour walk and occasionally more) im deemed good enough to go back to work for one hundred percent care. yay me.

im "totally" healed, right? buuuuut i just gotta do these back exercises every day for the rest of my life to stand and oh yeah, im at risk of scoliosis now. im "good as new," right? yeah for sure, i just need to take some form of painkiller on occasion because all the places that "used" to hurt (they never really stopped hurting) will have flair ups and, oh would you look at that, i cant walk today. i cant stand today. i cant breathe today.

im so tired. jobs dont take me seriously cause im not legally registered as disabled. but if i even put on the application or mention that ive at the minimum history of disability, they ask me if i can "handle" the job. they send me emails saying they "filled the position." so since im not "really" disabled they can just basically give me bullshit. and i would register, and i wanna register so bad! i want a prescription for a wheelchair, to get a proper crutch, or crutches when both my knees arent being agreeable. i wanna be able to sit in the fucking disability spot on the bus without people staring at me to get up just because someone with a visible disability came in or an elderly person walked on.

im tired of having to pretend that im not in constant fucking pain because im so young. young people arent disabled. black women arent disabled.

but its also so scary. to prove disability is one of the most frightening and dehumanizing processes ive heard of. even when i was doing the claim after i fell off the fucking ladder did prove to be a hassle. and that was in my favor. the fact that ive been working is definitely not gonna help the situation. "if disabled, why work? 🤔"

theres also the savings cap. i have trips i wanna go to, places i wanna be. having a savings cap on being a recipient of disability is actually asinine. theyre pushing to raise and it and GOD i hope that bill goes through.

they basically fuck you over if you're married so there goes my aspirations of partnering ig. countries that wont let you cause ur disabled. countries that wont let you immigrate because of disability. its all so much.

this is all so fucked and this system is so fucked and its so tiring. i just honestly wish i was just born with whatever i have going on right now so that id know what to do. i just woke up one day and now i have an entire routine just to exist and i just wish it was already part of my life in some way ig. idk.

part of me is so mad. why did i listen to those people pressure me to get a car? why did i have to comment on missing that turn? why did they try to make that turn? why didnt i just, idk, not fall off the ladder hello?? why didnt i just take the medical debt from the hospital? would i be able to walk better or get care or get a case and be approved if i just kept going to the hospital instead of working?

hell, those fuckers at the original emergency room didnt even touch me, saying that i'll "bounce back because [i'm] young." its been a year now. theres not fucking "bouncing back."

i cant fucking walk as well as i used to. i cant stand some days. some days i have to practice how to breathe. i just wish that instead of having repeated trauma i was just born with it or something so that this isnt new. i hope that doesnt come off as ignorant as fuck or rude. idk how else to word it.

i wonder about if i can even take the sports i want to next year. or if i can even work at this new job that wants me to work all these hours a week. idk. working all those hours a week is ridiculous anyway. if the accidents didnt disable me that shit wouldve eventually anyway ig. guess i just got a head start. look at me, an overachiever. i did next week's work, too, teacher.

i feel like if i could get diagnosed or if i got diagnosed as a child that i'd be "legit." that i woudlnt have to "prove" to anyone that im disabled. i hate telling people i hurt and hearing about how much i "dont know about." or hear "wait till ur older." im tired of having to constantly tell ppl that young ppl can hurt, too, just to divulge in my medical history to "prove" that im "actually" disabled. im so tired. i just wanna say my knee hurts and someone passes me an ibuprofen or acetaminophen.

[ducky-died-inside]

I absolutely love your new fic aka Chaotic! Am I allowed to request a scenario? If so, how about making chaotic reader really good at fighting and combat? Like they secretly train all that stuff. If Carlos can fight, reader can fight FIGHT Even though they have great punching abilities, they favors kicks more than punches, since it deals much more damage #legstrength and they're able to defeat with tall opponents. I COULDNT STOP MYSELF FROM PUTTING THIS!! MY OLDER SISTER KNOWS KARATE AND THE URGE TO REQUEST THIS- I JUST LOVE YOUR WHOLE ACCT!!! IM SO INLOVE WITH you YOUR WRITING AAAGHJADKHQIUWH To the anon who requested that fic, I literally love you marry me. 💍💍💍💍💍💍💍💍💍💍💍💍

Ready, Fight!: Triplet Au with Chaotic reader

Summary: It's one of the rare occasions where you actually get into a fight....

Genre: Honestly, I don't even know

Notes: Thank you so much for the request, Anon! I'm sorry it's so short since it's just a scenario instead of an entire fic.

Warnings: Fight scene, mentions of blood, mentions of injury,

You weren't quite sure how you got into this situation. You were in the center of a crowd, facing Juan. Juan was by far, your least favorite person in Encanto. He was self absorbed, boastful, and thought he was better than everyone else.

Today he was doing his usual stunt in the town, boasting his accomplishments to his group of assorted people that follows him around. All of them being at his beck and call sickened you. They were just there because Juan had big muscles and played sports or because they were part of his sports team. You gagged and tried to walk by until you heard him say something.

"Yeah, Dolores is such a good kisser. We were hanging out last night and she told me she loved me."

Something in you snapped. He wasn't even close to dating Dolores! She was in love with Mariano and he was planning on proposing soon! You may have tried to stay out of fights as you were usually pretty chaotic on your own and your Mami had enough to deal with, but you couldn't hold back. You turned back to face him, anger in your eyes. He looked back at you, a smug smile on his face.

"You want to say that again, perro? I know for a fact that Dolores was at home with Mariano last night, so cut the crap."

Your voice was cool as his face turned red with anger at you for exposing him to his friends. You turned away and started to walk but then he grabbed your arm and turned you around.

"Get your hands off me, you idiota!"

He wouldn't so you bit his arm. He yelped and jumped back in shock. He rolled up his sleeves and glared at you.

"Oh, you're gonna get it now, Madrigal."

You smirked. Maybe this one time, you could stand getting into a fight. This idiota deserved it anyway. You put down your basket and rolled up your own sleeves. You pulled off your ruana and placed it on your stuff. You got into a fighting stance and his friends laughed.

"What do you think you're going to do to him, Madrigal?! He's like, twice your height and muscular!"

You glared at the girl who spoke out and she gulped.

"This!"

You quickly went towards him and punched him in the stomach. He gave a puff of air, not ready for you to come so suddenly. You gave him a swift kick to the crotch. He keeled over in pain and you kicked him in the back. He fell face forward and cried out in pain. His nose was bleeding from the impact of hitting the ground.

"Huh. With all of your boasting, I thought this would be a harder fight. Guess not."

You walked over to your stuff and threw your ruana on. Everyone just stared. None of them knew that you knew how to fight and thought that this would be a resounding win for Juan that would end with you on the floor crying instead of him. You took an arepa out of your basket and threw it to Juan's best friend, Daniel.

"Give that to him when stops crying. I may know how fight, but I'm not heartless."

As you turned away you smirked to yourself. That arepa wasn't going to do anything to help Juan. You had made it. You wanted to see how good your baking was compared to Julieta's according to your brothers, but this was a much better plan. Besides, when he gets up, he can get a real one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey, Y/N! What took you so long? Did you burn down the kitchen or something?"

"No. I got into a fight."

"Really? You don't even look injured!"

"I know! I thought Juan would've been a harder fight, but he went down with a punch and a couple kicks."

"Juan? You do mean the guy who is at least a foot taller than you and super muscular, right? There isn't a different one?"

"The very same. He said some crap about Dolores being his girlfriend and kissing him, so I made him feel pain."

Your voice was calm as you talked and Camilo and Carlos shared a look. Carlos whispered something to Camilo.

"So this is why Mami hates when she gets into fights. She knows the others won't stand a chance."

Camilo nodded and stared at you. You notice.

"What?"

"Nothing, let's just get started on these snacks."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @dai-tsukki-desu , @hiroyuki27 , @alexaizawa , @camilolovesroxiie , @katethecraziest , @merymikey , @kailoveswom3n

Ask to be added to romantic or platonic taglist! Please Specify so I can keep them separate!

[orangeyougladitsbondage]

Our first scene...

I had met her through some friends and we hit it off instantly. She was so beautiful and I couldn't help but get lost in her eyes as we talked. This talking led to an exchange of phone numbers and the first text from her later that night. The text was nothing special just a simple "Hi this is Megan, really glad to have met you today". I responded that I was glad to have met her too and then we fell into a rhythm of talking via text every few days.

Then one night that texting turned into a phone call and a sly joke about being tied up with work led to an interesting conversation. Megan told me she had always had an interest in kink but was always scared to bring it up with her previous partners. I told her I had slight experience being a Dom but that I was a switch meaning I play both sides of the dynamic. Megan seemed extremely curious and we decided to do a dinner date that Friday.

That day seemed to take forever, I mean don't they always? You get excited for something and then it seems the thing before that event takes forever? You could just sit there and stare at the clock but that just makes time freeze. So I tried to focus on work but it was harder than it should've been to do so. But finally it was time to leave work and I rushed home to get ready.

A quick shower to freshen up, brushing my teeth and then picking out what to wear. I decided on a nice button up with a vest, not too fancy but also not under dressed. My phone went off it was Megan "Hope you aren't planning to skip out on our date now, not gonna get cold feet with it being only an hour away are you?". I responded "Definitely not a chance of that happening, see you soon".

The ride to the restaurant I just played some music that keeps me calm. Dating with anxiety can be hard because the anxiety triggers my overthinking and only leads to bad things. Well not exactly bad things it just leads to me overthinking how things could play out and being scared to do them. So I played a Playlist I made that keeps those thoughts at bay. And before I knew it I had arrived at the restaurant. Now the one thing I've learned is it's always best to be early even if your date isn't just shows what you are there for is important.

Time again slowed as I waited for Megan to arrive. Car after car pulling in and the thoughts of did she get cold feet begin to sink in. Overthinking sucks so much I wish I could get rid of that part of me but alas I can not. Finally I see her walking towards me and it must've put a doofy smile on my face because she just laughed and said "what?". I just said "I am glad you made it" as I opened the door to the restaurant and followed Megan inside. I told the maitre d the name on the reservation for two and they sat us at our table.

A drink and some food later and the conversation finely made its way to kink. I asked Megan what her interests were. She admitted she really liked the bondage aspect, seeing people helpless but smiling. She also really liked the different gags but she had never tried any. I asked Megan if she had any experience with impact play and she told me she had been spanked before but not much else but that she would love to try more. I asked if she had any experience with being submissive or dominant in her past relationships. Megan stated she always seemed to take the submissive role in her eyes but that both roles interest her.

The conversation went back to normal from there just talking about our days and plans for the coming week. The check came and I paid for the meal while Megan covered the tip. I walked her to her car and wished her a safe drive home and I left smiling the entire walk to my car. But that was where our conversation stopped until later that week anyway. Wednesday I get a text that says "so I really enjoyed dinner and our talk and I'd like to explore things further with you".

Now this had me blushing at work do I asked when Megan had free time and we could set something up. Megan told me her weekend was free and I asked about her Friday night. She was free so we decided we would do another date Friday night and if she still wanted to she could follow me home and we could have a scene. But before we do that we had to discuss limits and how we wanted to scene to play out.

So via text we discussed how Megan would like our scene to play out. She said she would like to be bound and I told her I had some cuffs that can help with that as well as some hooks in the ceiling that they can be attached to. She also stated she would like to try some impact play but nothing too crazy this time. I said never anything too crazy your limits determine what we do and how long we do it. I asked if she wanted to try using a gag and she quickly replied yes and I said ok and listed the options I had.

I have a ball gag, a ring gag, bondage tape and well a clothes pin. Megan decided on the ball gag which is always a lovely choice in my opinion but you'll hear more on why soon enough. And then we discussed safewords and signals for when she was gagged. The safewords chosen were the traditional red, yellow, green and for the signal we went with her opening and closing her fist multiple times. I advised we would do a test run before we got into the scene just to make sure we were both on the same page.

The next two days of work went by like a snail and I don't think that is at all surprising. But as the time began to tick down Friday the excitement in me built. Again I drove home and freshened up this time just wearing a button up and the drove to the restaurant for date number two with Megan. Now I know only two dates and you're thinking me and Megan are about to have sex. And to some that may be the point of bondage or bdsm sure but not to me. And if you think back no where in our scene discussion was sex mentioned so that was not on the table for me at all.

So I arrived at the restaurant and this time me being dressed down a bit but Megan did not. Megan arrived in a lovely purple dress that hugged her curves in all the right ways. My gosh I couldn't help but freeze as she got closer and just take in the beauty in front of me. All I could say was wow as I opened the door and followed her in. We ate and as we did I made sure to tell Megan not to rush herself we have all night ahead of us and rushing to eat won't help. I know this from experience as rushing to eat absolutely ruined a scene in which I was the submissive. Take your time let your food settle and don't worry about time I said and smiled.

I think this helped Megan relax as she slowed down and we just had a wonderful dinner and chat. One of those chats about nothing in particular but both parties enjoyed it. I couldn't believe that I was lucky enough to get a second date with her let alone the honor that would be her submission later that night. On this night no drinks were had by me I just wanted a clear head for the nights events which I think is important when I lead a scene. So finally the check came and I asked Megan if she was sure about how she wanted this night to go.

Megan smiled and said I'm very sure and she grabbed the check and quickly handed it back to the waiter with her card. Now that is a simple move but oh I definitely took it as a power move by her. She just had this smirk afterwards that drove me wild. I left the tip and said alright you can either follow me to my place or we can come pick up your car tomorrow your choice. She then decided to follow me home and I thought to myself as the drive began how lucky I was.

The drive felt like forever but it was only maybe 20mins tops. When we got to my place we went over safewords and the safe signal and made sure we were on the same page. Then I brought up aftercare because this is a extremely important piece of the puzzle. I wish I had learned this in a better way but I think our bad moments teach us to be better. Knowing what the other person needs for aftercare is extremely important. And I can say based off experience I will never do another go with the flow scene again. Because it led to me not knowing what a partner needed and them not telling me what they needed but saying I failed.

Hearing from someone you cared about that you failed because you didn't have all the information. That is the worst feeling and one I was not going to repeat with Megan. So Megan being new, she wasn't sure what her aftercare needs were but we agreed on cuddles to start and we would go from there. So I went into my room bringing out cuffs, my ball gag and a length of rope I attached the rope to one of the ceiling hooks. I then sat next to Megan and had her put her hands front of and I secured to cuffs to each wrist. "Now we can do this with your lovely dress on or we can take it off, whichever makes you more comfortable" she smiled and leaned in next to my ear. And with a whisper she said "Oh I am making you take this dress off so you can see whats underneath" and with a giggle she stood in front of me and turned around.

I stood and slowly lowered the zipper on the dress. Then slowly slid the dress down her arms and then down her body. Underneath the dress she was hiding a lovely matching purple lace set. I couldnt help be admire her ass for a moment as I let my hand slide down it. "Wow, you came dressed to impress today didn't you?" I said with a smile as I spun her around after having he step out of her dress. "Well you only get to do your first bondage experience once may as well amaze you the first time right?" She quipped with a smirk.

I giggled and agreed with her as I clipped the cuffs together. "Are you sure this is what you want?" I asked and she confirmed that she did. I walked her over to the hook and had her turn around so I could put the ball gag in her mouth. Once the gag was in place I had her turn around and connected the rope to the cuff chain. "Well look at you all helpless and oh my already drooling" I said with a smile as I wiped up some of the drool leaking down her chin just to show her. She turned a lovely shade of red on her cheeks and I could see the smile in her eyes.

I stood there for a bit just watching her lightly struggle and test the bonds that held her. Now for me I really like gags because they lead to drool which I really enjoy for many reasons. But the other thing I really enjoy about gags is the muffled talking and moans made by the wearer. So as Megan began to struggle I enjoyed watching her slowly drool more and more and the cute little sounds she was making. Watching the drool slowly cause more and more of a shine down her chest.

I went and grabbed my flogger and then turned on the TV. "Well you seem very content there, so I'll let you go about your struggle and see what's on TV." I said and giggled. Megan tried to say you're mean but all that came out was mumbles. "Awwwww you poor thing you have to speak up if you want me to understand you." I started a random show just to make it seem like I wasn't paying attention all the while I kept watching her hands for any signal that she was done or needed to stop.

A few minutes and plenty of drool down her chin later I stop watching TV and walk over to her. "Are you doing ok?" I asked and she nodded and I asked "would you like to do some impact play with this?" As I slid the flogger over her chest. She thought about it for a moment before nodding and mumbling out a "yes please". I start with a few hits watching her to gage her reaction and making sure it's not too much. "Would you like me to do more?" I ask and she nods. This process continues for the next several minutes, me continously asking if she is ok and would like more.

I stop when her butt has the same shade of red as her cheeks did. I quip with a giggle "Awww seems your underwear isn't the only matching set you have now is it?". I untie the cuffs from the rope and then take the cuffs off of her. I then unbuckle the gag and slowly massage her jaw. "Are you ok?" I ask and she says "more than ok that was amazing". I hug her and tell her how proud I am of how she did there and that she took it all so well. I then grab a cup of water and a paper towel.

I hand Megan the cup of water as I slowly clean up the drooly mess she had on her chest. Then I grab a blanket and wrap it around her shoulders. "Would you like cuddles?" I ask and she nods a yes and I lead her to my bedroom. We lay there in my bed for about the next hour and Megan actually drifted off to sleep for about 45 minutes of it. When she awoke I grabbed her a quick snack and some more water. I told her again that I was so proud of how she handled that and asked if any of it was too much. She told me that she felt it was perfect and asked if she could stay the night as it was now 11pm.

I told her that she absolutely could stay and we sat there just talking about how the scene went. She told me that she enjoyed all of it including the impact play and would love to do more in the future. Now it was the next sentence that excited me a bit. Megan turned and smirked at me and said "maybe next time you'll be the one bound and I'll get to make your cheeks match" I began to blush unable to hide the fact that I would absolutely love that and she smiled at me and then kissed my cheek. "I will take these red cheeks as a yes to that then" she said with a smirk as I cuddled her and we both drifted off to sleep.

[chlodani]

This is my next smau. It's a Harry Potter smau. Neville X F.!Reader pairing. There's a bit of Fred X F.!Reader pairing in here. There's also Neville X Fred X F.!Reader. Title:A Muggle's Love Story

Trigger warning: Slight swearing! Mentions of sex! Will be mentions of rape! Slight abuse! If you are sensitive to these things read at your own risk!

Y/n was a muggle brought into the world of magic, at a very young age. She didn't know how to handle it. And with her older sister, her guardian being the only one who could take care of her, it proved to be difficult for her with her sister being the Defense Against The Dark Arts professor, and her having to live in the world of magic. She feels a little left out, seeing as both her sisters, her older and her younger, - her twin - are wizards and she is not. But that all disappears when she meets the one person who helped her realize not everything is about that. And it's not all its cracked up to be. Neville was there for her since she was young and they became the best of friends. However, as they got older they realized their feelings were more for each other than they even orginally thought. But what happens when Neville finally has the courage and another man tries to swoop in and take him from her?

Special Edition Part 16. . .

Part 17 Coming Soon. . .

Y/n's P.O.V.

I sat on Neville's bed waiting for him to come back from the kitchen. I bounced my legs as I had my elbows on my knees and my fingers on my temples. I couldn't stop thinking about Luna. I know she's protected, but I cant help but to worry that her father is going to do something to get to her.

"Here you go beautiful," Neville said to me softly as he handed me the glass of fire whiskey.

"Thanks Nev," I said to him as I took the glass.

As I took a sip, Neville sat next to me. He knew how I was feeling and he knew what was happening. Or at least he knew part of it. My stomach jumped as he put his hand on my knee. I couldn't help but to look at his hand. I couldn't help but to just stare and wonder what his hands could really do. I wasnt say anything. I found myself biting my lip as I wondered what his hand could and would do to me.

"You know your sister will be okay, Y/n/n," Neville said to me pulling me from my enticing thoughts.

"I know, I just cant help but to worry that he'll find a way to get to her," I told him not taking my eyes off his hand.

"Hon, -"

My stomach jumped. That's the first time he's ever called me that. I found myself gently putting my hand over his, messing with his fingers.

"Luna, has the best Professors looking after her, she'll be okay. - That and Adelina's a badass," Neville said to me trying to be encouraging.

I chuckled, "Yes, - Yes, she is," I spoke.

"There's the laugh I love so much about you,"

I felt like I could hear him smiling as he spoke. He turned his hand around locking our fingers together. I looked directly into his face. He had so much love to give, hidden behind his eyes.

"Thank you so much for being here for me," I spoke to him softly.

Neville took his fingers, moving a piece of my hair behind my ear.

"Im always gonna be here for you beautiful, no matter what happens. - Remember I know what its like to have someone you love get hurt, - And to watch it happen," Neville said to me soothingly.

I pressed my lips together as I looked at him.

"I know,"

Neville hesitantly rested his hand on the side of my neck. I gently put my hand over his, letting him know it was okay. I could feel him relax only a tiny bit.

"Neville, -"

He couldnt look away from my eyes. He stared directly into them.

"Yes, beautiful?"

I found myself scooching closer to him.

"I love you so much,"

I couldnt help myself. A soft smile passed his lips.

"I love you too Y/n/n,"

Before I knew what I was doing my lips were pressed to his. At first I didn't think he wanted to kiss me, because he didnt kiss me back. I felt so stupid. And so embarrassed. I thought Neville loved me. Did he not mean it? Just as I started to lean back, Neville put his other hand on the other side of my neck, pulling me back to him. He crashed our lips together once again. I smiled as I melted into his kiss. While he kissed me, Neville took the glass, from my hand and put it on the stand by the bed. Im surprised he didn't spill it seeing as how clunsly he is. Though just as I thought that, he accidentally dropped the glass on the floor. He quickly stopped kissing me.

"Oh shit," he quickly spoke trying to get up.

I stopped him, putting my fingers on the side of his face.

"Neville -"

He sat back down looking at me.

"Its okay," I told him.

"But the mess - its all over the floor, - and I don't know how the hell I got it on your shirt," he said to me seeming worried.

"Nev, its okay,"

"But, -"

I leaned back from him taking off my shirt, leaving me in my dark gray bra. I could see his breath hitch as he looked at me. As I glanced, I could see him harden in his pants. I bit my lip in response. I could see how nervous he was as I looked into his eyes.

"Neville, is this okay?" I asked him slightly nervous.

Neville nodded, "Y-Yes, -"

I smiled as a warm blush came to my cheeks as I looked away. I could feel Neville moving around for about two seconds, before he turned my head to face him. My cheeks burned bright red. Neville put his hand on the side of my face. I shivered as his thumb moved back and forth over my ear.

"You're beautiful, - Never forget that," he said to me softly.

I could feel my stomach jump. I wanted to touch him, but I didn't know how he felt about it. I think he knew I was hesitant. He rested his forehead on mine.

"Its okay hon, - You can touch me," Neville told me.

A soft breath left me. His breath hitched once more as he felt my breath against his lips. He couldnt stop himself as he connected our lips once again. I smiled as he moved his lips along mine. As I put my hand on his chest, its like I could feel him shiver. He pressed his lips to mine even harder as he pulled me closer to him. I gently ran my finger down his chest. He slightly groaned from the contact. All I could do was smile as we kissed. He moved his hand from the side of my neck to the area just below my shoulder. I knew he was hesitant to touch me. He leaned back from me. He had the cutest look on his face as he looked so nervous.

The next morning. . .

Neville's P.O.V.

I woke up to the sound of my phone vibrating. I streched myself as I smiled looking at my beautiful Y/n. I honestly believe there is no choice she has to make anymore. I know she loves Fred, but I think she's already decided to choose me. I gave her soft kiss to the forehead as I moved myself very carefully to sit up on the edge of my bed. I picked up my phone, and could feel my stomach jump as I looked at the messages.

"Oh shit," I spoke out loud forgetting in that moment Y/n was still sleeping.

"What's wrong Neville?" Y/n asked me in a soft tone.

"We - uh - kind of slept in longer than we should've and Im late to class now," I explained to her hesitantly.

She took in a soft breath as she propped herself up onto the pillows. She was laying on her stomach facing me.

"That was your fault," Y/n spoke deliberately blaming me.

I put my phone down quickly turning to look at her.

"How is that my fault?"

She couldnt help but to smile as she lookef at me. I love her smile. Its already brightened up my day.

"You're the one who wanted to keep going,"

"You could've said no,"

I moved closer to her with a smile, as I turned myself to face her. I gently put my hand on the side of her face as I looked into her eyes. I placed a soft kiss to her lips as she put her hand on the side of my neck.

"You know as well as I do that I couldn't tell you no,"

"Y/n?"

I rested my forehead against hers.

"Yes Neville?"

"I think you've already made your choice, - You just haven't seen it yet,"

"Neville, -"

"No, you need time to think it over, - I understand,"

"Neville, you should get up and get ready to leave for school,"

I rested my hand on the side of her neck.

"I love you beautiful,"

"I love you too Neville,"

I pressed my lips to hers giving her a soft passionate kiss. She let me kiss her for quite a few seconds before moving away slightly.

"Neville you know as well as I do that if we continue kissing you wont get to class at all, and then Adelina really will kick your ass," Y/n said to me in a soft warning manner.

"Right,"

I softly cleared my throat as I moved away from her to stand from the bed. I quickly threw on some clothes. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Y/n sit up on the bed.

"Y/n, can I ask you something?" I asked her nervously.

"Of course you can," she said to me.

"Would you come to class with me this morning?"

"Ugh, - Neville, I dont think so - I already told Adelina I wouldn't come to her classes anymore on the fact that I dont need to learn it,"

"You dont have to learn anything, just be there with me,"

"Neville, - I dont know, -"

I crawled onto the bed kneeling next to her. She looked into my eyes, as I softly put my hand on the side of her face.

"Please, Y/n, - If you're there your sister might take it easier on me,"

"No, she won't, -"

"She might, - Please, beautiful?"

She thought for a minute as she looked at me.

"What do I get in return?"

I chuckled softly.

"Today's Friday,"

She smiled. That was the only thing I needed to say. She softly placed her hand on the side of my neck pressing her lips to mine gently. She kissed me for a few seconds before moving away.

"Alright, - I'll go, - Just let me get dressed,"

"Thanks beautiful,"

I smiled softly.

"I guess,"

She stood to get dressed. Today's going to be interesting.

. . .

Y/n's P.O.V.

Well, Neville's class was interesting today. We walked in and just by the look on our faces Adelina knew exactly what we did. She practically yelled at Neville in front of the entire class. Embarrassing him in front of everybody. And she took five points away from Gryffindor. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't Neville's fault, but mine. However, she told me that it takes two. And I cant exactly argue with that. I told Neville I would be at his place later. Fred asked me if I wanted to go to dinner with him and I told him I would. I do think Neville is right. I think I might've already made the choice. Though I still dont know. They're both sweethearts. Just as I walked outside to wait for Fred, who would be here in about three minutes, I saw a man standing there.

"Hello, Y/n, - I've heard a lot about you," he spoke to me.

"You mean you've stalked Adelina and found out about all the people in her life. So you could make a list of the people she cares for. That way you'd have a hit list," I told him sternly.

"You're pretty smart for a muggle,"

"I protect pretty well for one to,"

"Oh I'd like to see that one,"

"If you keep trying to go after Luna you will,"

"Luna's my daughter, - I have a right to see her,"

"But thats not what you want is it? - Adelina knows why you're here. She knows you want revenge on her. She knows you know about her daughter and she's doing everything she can to protect her. And its not just her. All the staff of Hogwarts that she trusts the most, is protecting her. - She knows a death eater like you can't be trusted with what you say,"

He was quiet for a moment.

"As I previously stated you're smart for a muggle,"

"Just watch how I protect,"

"See thats the thing though, - You may fight well for a muggle - But the fact is you're just a muggle and you're no match against a powerful wizard like me,"

Just before I could say anything, he quickly took out his wand. I couldnt do anything before he blasted me back into the wall of my home. Just before everything blacked out, I watched him disappear just as Fred drove into the driveway.

Taglist:

@cece-lives-here

@saur20

[lordseochangbin]

the coffee stranger

minho x reader

genre: soft

i walked into the empty coffee shop alone. it had been a long day after school and practice and i had to rush to get a well deserved cup of coffee before the shop closed. my friends were already mad at me, i had been busy these days maintaining a job, school, and sports.

today was my only day off, but all my friends were busy with their new boyfriends. i didn't mind being the only single one in my group but there was always a void in me wishing i wasn't. when it would only be myself and one of my friends, their boyfriend would immediately join us, making me feel like a third wheel. i was tired of feeling left out like this but i didn't know what to do, i felt like no one would like me.

i waited at front counter when a cute guy with glowing eyes and brown hair ran to the desk, "sorry about that, are you ready to order?" he asked

i looked at his name tag, lee minho. such a cute name for a cute guy. i tried to hold back my mini crush and replied, "i'll have a hot cocoa please"

he smiled, "my favorite thing off the menu, that'll be $4.50"

i paid with my card and waiting awhile until the receipt printed out. he handed me to the receipt, his hold made it so i couldnt grab the piece of paper without touching his hand. i watched my fingers as it brushed against his and he smiled at me, turning around to make the drink.

i turned around to face many empty tables and sat near the front desk.

my phone buzzed with notifications from my best friend group chat and i opened them to see pictures of them with their boyfriends. they asked me if i wanted to join them on their date but i refused, avoiding that lonely feeling that awaited me each time i went out with them. i still felt lonely in this coffee shop, but at least i was with lee minho.

the barista walked towards my table setting down the cup and sat in the chair across from me, "don't mind me, the shop is gonna close soon so i'm just gonna sit here"

i nervously nodded and looked at the coffee he gave me, i turned the cup around and smiled at the words written in place of my name,

hot cocoa

reg size

$4.50

for: YOU'RE CUTE :)

my heart melted in my chest as i looked at him in shock, he looked up from his phone and smirked at me, which slowly turned into a cute giggle.

"i-is this coffee for me?" i asked in confusion. he reached over the table, his face inches away from mine, "if not, is it for me?" he asked in a sarcastic manner

"i mean, you're pretty cute too" i replied smiling

my phone started to buzz again and my expression soon became bland as my friends sent more couple photos and messages asking why i wasnt there

minho leaned back in his chair and kicked my leg softly, gaining my attention

"what's up? your mood changed super quick"

"i..it's nothing" i said as i took a sip from my coffee

minho didn't let it go though, he asked again "are you sure?"

"i dont know.. my friends are all out with their boyfriends and i.."

"don't have one?" he continued

"yeah, but it doesn't matter. they want me to join them since i never see them but i don't want to feel like the odd one out"

"i get you, closing the coffee shop prevents me from hanging out with anyone"

"yeah, it's just life i guess"

the clock struck 9, meaning the store was about to close. i stood up and grabbed my coffee, "thank you for the coffee" i said gathering my things.

"wait-" minho grabbed my hand, "i'm free tonight, if you wanna visit your friends"

"you're free tonight?" i asked

"yeah... i mean like, i can go with you if you don't want to be lonely" i looked into his eyes, with purpose that seemed genuine and looked at the name section on coffee cup, "you'd really be willing to do that?"i asked nervously

"i'm tired from working since full time but what kind of guy would pass on the chance to go out with a girl like you" he replied still holding onto my hand

minho led me outside, turning off the lights and fiddling with the keys inside of the lock until he heard a click. he checked the lock and turned facing me, "so where are we going?" he asked with a cute smile.

-//-

minho and i arrived at the park hand in hand. my friends looked at me in shock as minho greeted all of them

"hi, i'm lee minho!" my friends greeted him back and laid a blanket near them for only minho and i to sit on. there was a movie going on at the park, and minho and i sat perfectly in front of the screen.

at first i sat crosslegged on one corner of the blanket while minho sat on the other end. his eyes were directly at the screen as i stared at him. he was so pretty, why was he hanging out with a girl like me? minho brushed his hair back with his hands leaving a perfectly exposed forehead.

i checked him out from head to toe, he seemed perfect. minho noticed me staring at him and i quickly looked away. he pulled himself closer to me, "can't get your eyes off me?" he asked, placing a hand on my thigh as i extended my legs comfortably, using my arms to hold myself up

"i probably mistaken you for the movie" i said, smiling out of embarrassment

minho laid his head on my lap and held onto my right hand, "you're really cute, you know that right?"

i couldn't help but to blush. i brushed his hair back with my fingers as he closed his eyes and rested on my lap, "go to sleep, you deserve it" i whispered

"you're so comfy" he replied as he grabbed my waist. i collapsed on the soft blanket as he pulled himself so my eyes were aligned with his, "and your breath still tastes like hot cocoa, my favorite" he leans closer to me and places a soft kiss on my lips. i shut your eyes as he leaves a trail of kisses going down my neck and plays with the buttons of my t-shirt.

gun shots fire from the movie, waking us both up from our lustful romance. realizing you both were in public, i quickly stood up and fixed my hair. minho licked his lips as he leaned down on your lap again,

"maybe we should pay attention to the movie" i suggested.

"...and we can finish ours later" minho said giggling like a smol baby.

[sn0tcl0wn]

apparently my parents neck and back pains are more important than my cramps so i had to come into work without my bottle of ibuprofen because he and my mother never gave it back to me after i let them use it. again. i was actually late both today and yesterday because they put it where it wasn't supposed to be and unlike yesterday i couldnt find it. oh and they have one of those MASSIVE bottles that they lost and haven't bothered to look for since i got some for myself (ironically as a way to help them out by not doing exactly what they're doing to me). one day im gonna grow to literally hate them and they wont understand why and assume it's all petty shit but there is a clear lack of respect and several toxic patterns being displayed in our familial dynamic where i'm at the lowest rung and im about to snap yall.

[xiaolongpunch]

Vent? Rant? Rambling update??

Idk just felt like writing

Okay so for the people who know me know I play video games, and people who know me a bit more know I played lots of fucking destiny recently.

Keyword of played

Despite being the clan leader to a huge 2k+ clan (sub clan leader since in game clans can only be 100 people), I just couldnt bring myself to play the game anymore. I've done everything there is to do, at least in how it feels. I've becomes a sherpa, I went flawless in a raid, I got pinnacle weapons like recluse, 21%, revoker. Everything felt...just stupid easy and boring. Not to mention this season is just bounty fest galore. It's boring, unoriginal and I couldn't bring myself to play it. So I took a break, uninstalled destiny and looked elsewhere.

First was overwatch. I haven't abandonned ow but I certainly ain't playing it as much as before. I got Winston's golden gun recently! Which I'll included as a pic right here

He's my sixth golden gun so I'm pretty happy. Echo was fun! And I do play ow from time to time, but I wanted something new.

And here comes the first new game I've started. I bought this game a few weeks ago when it was on sale cause my friends play I regularly but I didn't play it with them till recently. This game in question is Rainbow six siege. I got fucked in the ass when I started. I played with my friends who decided to not tell me anything and let me run wild. But I had tons of fucking fun learning the game! It was a steep learning curve but now I'm around lv65 and it's a great fucking game! I've taken to ranked as well and while I did horribly in terms of kDa, I went 8-2 in my placements and got Gold 1. I got myself two elite skins and I'm still playing this game. But my quest for new games wasn't done.

My other group of friend started playing another game I've actually tried before but didn't like at first. I decided to give it a shot! And I'll give you some hints before revealing what it is. This game has plenty of lgbt rep, it has lots of playable character, it's has a class system (Dps, defender, scout and support) and it's a Battle Royale. Yup, I'm talking about Apex Legends. This game honestly did suprise me out of left field. I did not like the game when I first tried it when it came out. But I think I know why. Before, I could see the enemies, I did know hot to read super fast for the pings and items. But playing other games like borderlands, overwatch, and siege has helped me. And today, I just hit silver 4. Btw apex has the best ranked system imo. It's fair, and rewards staying alive and getting kills/assists and shows you exactly how much you gain from that. Ow and siege need to learn from such rank system. Oh also I started at 0, instead of doing placements, which I love.

And this brings us to the final game. One I've started just today actually. Red dead Redemption 2, is honestly fucking phenomenal. I've only played up to after the first major missions where you need to jump on something to steal something. Keeping it kind spoiler free. Anyway, holy fuck it's beautiful and realistic. Tedious at times but I love it. I'm gonna like this game.

Anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[soliduslion]

Just wanted to put my thoughts here since there's no bettee place to put them. I finally beat Legend Of Zelda Majora's Mask today. It was a game I started years ago probably in early middle school. I had just beaten Ocarina Of Time and absolutely loved it. I remember putting in the cartridge in my dusty N64 and immediately smiling as that main menu music started. I remember being in absolute awe at the fact that Link would now do flips through the air as he jumped, and being amazed at becoming a deku scrub. I played for hours on end and loved every moment of it. But then i reached The Great Bay. And I was heartbroken as i tried for weeks on end to try and figure out where the eggs were. (I never knew about the entire fortress section) So I gave up. And played the game on and off for a few years. Until I just took a hiatus from it. But a few weeks ago I returned. The memories came rushing back to me and I was just so happy to hear that main menu music. I started up a new save file and told myself, "I will get through this." As I walked into Clock Town and saw it burst with life. couldn't help but smile as I heard its iconic theme.

I went through the parts of the game i previously completed relatively quick, getting myself the bunny hood as soon as possible (Wasn't gonna pass on the chance to go fast as frick) I went through the swamp, the mountains, upgraded my sword, collected masks and pretty much any other thing i could do to procrastinate on getting to The Great Bay. But eventually, I decided i couldn't wait any longer and hopped the fence with Epona. I turned into a Zora and immediately started swimming around just for the fun of it. And by complete accident, I found the fortress that escaped me all those years ago almost instantly. At that moment I knew with no doubt that i could finish this.

I finiahed The Great Bay and moved onto the Ikana Valley. And I was just so happy. It was an entirely new world i didnt even know existed in Majora's Mask, and it was mine to experience. I loved the dark yet silly vibes the skeleton army gave off, and was excited to see the Song Of Storms make a return. And then I climbed the cliff side and saw a house surrounded by bandage covered redeads on one side and a big door on the other. I walked past bpth of them into a cool looking cave in the back. (No way i want to go near any redeads after Ocarina Of Time) After leaving the cave i had brought flowing water back to this place, and made the music box that was the top of the house start working. And u just laughed a little to myself as i made the comparison to Super Mario 64's ghost house music, because they sounded so similar, but unlike its Mario counterpart, this one kept the ghosts away. I saw a scared little girl outside the house, and after a few attempts I was able to make it inside. I explored the house and saw what looked like a monster in a closet in the basement. But upon closer inspection, I realize, this isn't a monster. Its a man in pain. I play him a song to heal him and he's cured. His scared girl who was outside runs in and goes into her now cured Father's arm. And they're both there for each other. They were both put through so much pain, but they didnt care about in this moment. They were together now and that's what mattered to them. And watching that, i couldnt help but cry just a little.

I continued what may have been the hardest section in the game, but had a fun time doing it. There was even a cool giant monster fight where Link got to turn huge, and just like that, I was fully set to do the finale of the game. But i knew i couldnt do it yet. I had two more masks to get. It was time to do the famous Anju And Kafei quest.

I could speak for hours on this quest. (Kinda like how i spent hours figuring it out) But ill just basically say, it was a beautiful culmination of all the major townsfolk in Clock Town. It was great seeing more than the basic single side i saw in so many of them when i first started playing. I got the postman his happy ending of getting to leave town and got my second to last mask. Then I restarted the 3 day cycle and helped Kafei get his wedding mask back on the final day. I teleported back to town as the final countdown appeared at the bottom of my screen. As I waited for Kafei to get to his soon to be wife, i wandered around town. This was my first time actually comprehending what was happening to all these people. My heart dropped a little as I felt the dread for their world's end. They knew the moon was coming and there was nothing to do to stop it. I spotted Kafei and followed him to Anju. They had a heartfelt moment together and gave me the final mask. As this moment happened my sister was in the room. She asked why they dont try to escape the moon with the minute they have left. And it hits me like a punch to the gut. How much they love each other. That theyd rather spend their last minute alive just being together and accepting death, than to try to escape it. With this all in my head i played Song Of Time for the final time. I knew I had to prepare for the final battle.

I spent most of the last 3 day cycle filling my inventory and just messing around. As the clock struck midnight on the final day, I was already standing firmly in front of Clock Town's clock tower. I walk into battle and immediately summon the giants I freed throughout the game. They stop the moon and Majora's Mask falls from Skull Kid. All looks well and it looks like we can laugh it all off at first, but we see Majora's Mask rise with evil energy into the moon itself. Link decides to plunge head first into the moon to stop this evil. Inside the moon are children playing, who ask for the masks i collected throughout the game. I happily agree and am put through a series of mini dungeons. My reward for this is one last mask; the Fierce Diety Mask. I walk into the final boss with Majora and utterly destroy it with my new transformation. And like that the game is finished.

Skull Kid is shown to be who he always was; a lonely kid who missed his friends the giants. Anju and Kafei get their wedding. And Tatl gives Link a final farewell as he rides off on Epona.

I ussually dont do this kind of post, but I could go for hours on why i loved this game (I guess I sorta just did with how long I spent on this post.) The great combo of dark and light elements, the fun attitude of Tatl, the challenging and fun gameplay. Just how emotional the game could get without the beautiful cinematic cutscenes we have today is amazing. I beat it today. But the way it was beaten felt very special to me. Like a younger me passing the torch to the me of today. But anyways, i feel like ive rambled long enough and its getting late. Thanks to anyone who read this far, it means a lot.