#i wasn't expecting to like it much since it's a Genius concept where he's just like. super good at whatever he does

[bidokja]

genius archer's streaming is actually a much more fun read than i was expecting and handles the disability aspect better than i thought it would

[starvu]

My Heart Won't Start Anymore || s. reid

where you were always, always there for spencer, but after what happened with maeve you couldn't handle it anymore, you felt betrayed

pairing: spencer reid x bau member!gn!reader

genre: fluff, angst/hurt

content warnings: mention of spencer's addiction, mention of his being shot in the knee, reader was once shot in the stomach, mentions of blood, fairly graphic description of maeve's death, maeve wasn't spencer's girlfriend, but they had feelings, that's for sure, bitter ending (inspired by "you're losing me" ts)

word count: 9,1k

a/n: i described the whole line from s2 to s8 here, i didn't even know i could write that much lol. and i haven't written that much yet, it was a bit of a weird concept and i couldn't put everything into words, but I wanted to write it so much (i suck at dialogue, sorry). i spent like nine hours today only in notes app and writing this, im kinda insane. i won't be posting any more work this year, so i hope your new year will be happy 😽

~

You would never have thought it would end like this. No, no... no. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

No.

You were always each other's support, comfort, comfort. When you joined the BAU, you were just a young girl, full of ambition and hope, joyful and smiling with sprinkles in your eyes, but also a lost girl. Lost in a new environment and new circumstances.

No need to mention that you were a people pleaser who only wanted to be noticed... right?

Of course, you were prepared for such a job, but damn, you didn't expect this. What they learned in training and at the academy was nothing compared to what you had been working on since day one. Theory was just a sliver of practice, yes, it was brutal, but in real work, the same theory seemed like a sugar-coated story with sprinkles. It didn't connect in any way.

But Spencer wanted to help you. He really, genuinely wanted to help you. He wasn't that much older, well, no, you were the same age, actually. He wasn't overly effusive or outgoing, but he wanted you to settle in, and you appreciated that. He was awkward, very awkward, more interested in facts than people, and not really good at social interactions, and your good attitude made him a little intimidated when he first saw you and you eagerly greeted him, introducing yourself.

He wasn't sure what you would find nice and was afraid of imposing, so he did little things like bring you fresh coffee from that not-so-great coffee machine, sometimes gave you little tips about team members, sometimes helped you when your casework was limited to sifting through tedious piles of files tied with string, the letters already shimmering before your eyes and blurring into black spots.

That's why when he went through his own hell, held captive by Tobias Hankel and drugged, you felt the need to help him. You couldn't explain it, but... no, you could actually explain it. You always wanted to help everyone and spread your smile. A smile that didn't fit the job, a smile that was the opposite of the brutality you saw in the job, and only that smile allowed you to keep your sanity.

Hey, do you know that you'll even lose your spark and the twinkle in your eyes?

You felt plain, simple, and human sympathy for him. His addiction problem was one of those ignored ones. You all swept it under the rug, almost like the whole team suddenly had blinkers on and lived in a conspiracy of silence, even if you didn't state it out loud. That just hadn't happened in the history of this team, even if you had noticed Spencer's daily highs. There was nothing wrong with the young genius's mind, after all. More or less.

You hadn't known him very long, but you knew it had little to do with his everyday behavior. Even if you only knew him for a few months before, he couldn't act like this and you noticed that everyone outside the team noticed his behavior as well, which Hotch could always justify because 'Dr. Reid isn't at his best right now'.

Funny how reputation and lack of complications from the people above were more important than Reid's well-being.

Funny how Reid's well-being has become more important to you than your own.

You acted somewhat on your own, you tried to help Spencer, even if he rejected help, he was elusive. He closed himself off, he practically dismissed his problem on his own. And maybe you were a little intrusive, yes, you were aware of it, but how else were you supposed to act in such a situation?

And surprisingly, you succeeded. He didn't look kindly on your actions, but he stopped dismissing you coldly. Your actions were happening behind the team's back, you didn't want to expose yourself as a newbie to something that wouldn't be approved of. If this whole situation is going on behind the backs of the people at the top, why couldn't you go behind the backs of the team?

You took care of him, at least as much as he allowed you. You didn't want to overdo it, but you tried. You didn't force him to do anything, but you still tried everything that could replace the dilaudid, you spent more time with him than was appropriate just to distract him from needing another dose. and when he stopped taking the drug, you were there to help him through the withdrawal symptoms, although withdrawal was the hardest. You were understanding and respected him despite everything, even if it was a difficult and overwhelming experience. You could say that it left a mark on you, however you wouldn't admit it. You just piled on the stress and nerves. It wasn't easy by any means, but you didn't have the heart to leave him.

You never had the heart to leave him.

Or at least that's what you thought.

Anyway, you were there for him.

~

He also felt a spark of sympathy for you when you cared so much for him, because you didn't let up or ignore the problem. He finally felt a little different, other than a drugged-up piece of trash. Someone really wanted to be with him, to suffer especially for him and at some point with him.

You knew that a spark of understanding was being born between you over the years. A spark of something warm, like friendship. Your friendship was close, there was something special and magical about it. He trusted you. He trusted you and opened up to you, he felt exposed to his emotions but he didn't feel bad about it. It wasn't often that he felt this way about anyone, you were important to him.

Sometimes Penelope joked that you were glued together, because wherever Spencer was, you were too, within a radius of a few meters and no further. If you think about it, the sweet, sweet technical analyst wasn't wrong at all, in fact, she was right. Likewise, Derek, who would laugh and sometimes tease you about your glued hips, you dismissed it as bullshit.

You were sitting in her darkened computer lab, your seat was a little lower, so you rested your head on the desk. The quiet hum of computers came from the computer lab. You didn't have much work, so you sat together and talked about things that helped you forget about the hardships and darkness of work for a while. You matched each other with your rather cheerful personalities. You were sipping from plastic cups through colorful straws some overly sweet tea that Penelope had brought earlier. You weren't even sure what kind of tea it was, some brewed herbs with a lavender aftertaste. In any case, it was tasty.

You laughed. "Pen no. There's no match here..."

She stared at you with clear disappointment and determination, she interrupted you suddenly. "Listen, it's in the stars. I beg you, can't you feel it?"

You shook your head slightly. "Penelope. I really love you and appreciate you, but this is a bunch of bullshit. What kind of match in the stars? Just because you, as a fetus, decided to be born on this day and not another, doesn't mean you have a fantastic love match with anyone." You took a sip of tea, but you were still staring at the blonde analyst.

"I'm not just talking about the stars here. It's the whole match, similar vibes, agreement and..." She continued to justify herself when Spencer suddenly entered the computer room with two warm coffees.

"Garcia, there's extra foam and vanilla syrup for you." He put the coffee on the desk. "Here." He looked at you. "They didn't have any almond milk, so I got lactose-free." He put down the second coffee and looked at you apologetically. "Is it okay?"

You just nodded slightly with a warm smile. "Yes, thank you."

Garcia watched your interaction, then took a sip of coffee, she finished her tea earlier. "It's still warm!" She interrupted enthusiastically, and Spencer nodded with her lips pressed into a line, a sign of confirmation.

After a moment he was gone from the computer room, leaving he made his awkward gesture waving at you with his hand, or rather sticking it out motionlessly, and you followed him with your eyes to the door.

On Penelope's face there was an incomprehensible, slightly too wide smile, she looked at you with excitement. "Oh God, it's look of love! Real look of love!"

You sighed. "No, it's not."

"Yes, it is." She continued to chatter happily, not straying from this topic even for a moment.

Penelope believed in the emotional tension between you, personality matching, and other such endearing things that you didn't quite believe in. You hated breaking the worldview of your favorite glitter and pink analyst.

~

When Spencer was shot in the knee and temporarily annihilated, you also tried to help him, although you were more likely to scold him then. What kind of brainless person wanted to ignore all doctor's orders just to fly with the rest of the team to the crime scenes. Second opinion? More like mindless, idiotic and stupid chatter. You wanted to hit him in the back of the head every time he tried to figure out how to avoid being grounded any longer, and even his doctorate couldn’t convince you to implement gentler measures. You didn't have the strength to fight him and you wanted to shoot him in the knee again, but it was out of concern, as strange as it might sound.

But despite his thoughtlessness, you were there for him then too.

~

You could say that you spent a lot of time together, often aimlessly, you could sit up all night and talk nonsense and in the end Spencer would let you drink coffee from his mug, and after difficult cases he was the one who tried to comfort you, your radiance and optimism could not be eternal and unwavering, and you baked his favorite cookies with brown sugar and sea salt. It was as if his worries suddenly disappeared, he spoke freely about whatever interested him without being suddenly silenced or dismissed, and strangest of all, even his aversion to germs was then a secondary matter.

You didn't see anything special about it, unlike anyone else around you. Yeah, you were a bit blinded by each other and sometimes the rest of the team felt like they were just getting in the way when they were around you. They felt like they were intruding on your little moments, your exchanges of glances and incomprehensible gestures.

They all felt that something happening, except you two.

And did it bother anyone? It was fine as it was.

Four years just flew by and you changed, not for the worse, change doesn't have to be bad... or something. You couldn't have peace. Day by day you felt more and more strange, not like usual, definitely not like usual, something was wrong, why were you suddenly stressed by his presence, and why did your nerves almost always get the better of you? You didn't show it, but this feeling started to annoy you. And you were a bit excluded, because there was one thought you didn't even consider, it didn't get into your tangle of thoughts, it just didn't. Or maybe it got into the center of your thoughts, and you cleverly avoided it with full awareness? Either way, when one day at work you were staring at him with your chin resting on your hand, probably looking at him from every possible and potential angle, a sudden realization finally hit you.

Oh.

oh.

It was a little different from friendship. Okay, maybe it was very different from friendship. You missed him faster than you thought, you almost felt anxious when he wasn't around and and you felt those nerves when he appeared next to you and you wanted his unwavering attention and you tried to justify it in every way, as friendship, friendly concern, natural nervous reaction towards loved ones, friendly... blah, blah, blah.

You felt attached to Spencer Reid and infatuated with him. To the same Specter who supported you from the beginning, he remembered what your favorite coffee was, he remembered the little details that made you you, showed you care in the same way you showed him care, he wasn't tired of you usually being full of energy and a little too emotional and were your precious friends. You couldn't say you expected it, but you couldn't say you didn't either.

You were in trouble.

Technically, you didn't have to tell him, but on the other hand you had a hard time keeping your mouth shut. You had to work up the courage to tell him. For God's sake, for half a year you'd felt like throwing up just thinking about that conversation. This could be good, or you could have ruined everything. You couldn't be sure he felt the same way, maybe he was just nice (and the fact that your stomach was tingling and your throat was dry and you just wanted to grab his stupid face and kiss it until you couldn't breathe was a side effect). Too nice. Being nice was never a bad thing, but it made you unable to fully read his intentions.

With shame in your mind, you admitted to yourself that you were observing him much more closely than usual, to investigate his behavior, no matter how stupid it seemed. This case really made an idiot out of you.

One night you were staring at the ceiling in your not too big bedroom and exchanging meaningless conversations, as he carefully ran his long fingers through your hair and occasionally glanced at you. There was a lamp on the nightstand, which gave off a rather shady, flickering light. You should have replaced that bulb. The rest of the light coming into the bedroom was the moonlight, carefully trying to get in through the window, thanks to the open curtains and blinds. The bright moonlight was more shy, though.

You finally, with heavy heart decided to talk to him about it.

This wasn't a good idea, trust me.

You tried to play it cool, even as you swallowed hard and your shaking hands were hidden only by the dim light of your bedroom.

"Umm... Spence." The usual certainty suddenly disappeared from your voice. “You know, there’s this thing.”

He immediately turned his head towards you, now in addition to his unwavering attention you had his gaze as well. "Did something serious happen?" He wasn't the best at talking about emotions, but, as befits a profiler, he read them well.

"Not really. I mean, yes, but no." You swallowed hard. "Depends."

He didn't want to rush you, force you to talk or annoy you. "Okay, no rush." Despite that, he felt a growing curiosity and a bit of stress. You rarely took that tone.

Suddenly you felt his hand no longer in your hair. Instead, he squeezed your hand gently in his, assuring you that everything was okay. The gesture, combined with your nerves, made you feel like you might as well cry. It was a gesture that you had considered nice and didn’t object to, but now it was confusing you even more.

It was now or never.

“I think I love you. No, it's not 'I think', I’m convince. Yeah, I'm convince."

Pretty nice, but you won't be the only one saying it.

He didn’t answer right away, only because he always had the feeling he’d ruin everything the moment he started talking about feelings. But he squeezed your hand tighter and didn’t take his eyes off you, his hazel, puppy eyes fixed on you. His voice lacked confidence, he hesitated for a moment, he asked quietly. "Can I?" You nodded slightly, almost imperceptibly.

After a moment, you felt his lips on yours. It was soft, tender and sweet. You had waited so long for this, and his absolute gentleness and feelings melted your heart without the slightest problem. You felt like you were the only people in the world, especially since everything around you was quiet and calm that night, practically intimate without the actual intimacy. Life just happened and you were somewhere in between, not in a rush. You always had to be rushing somewhere after all.

The conclusion from his actions was one. He felt the same way. You thanked all the gods and heavens for that. You didn't even want to think about the disaster that would happen if he didn't reciprocate your feelings and you had to keep working together, not to mention the tragic ending of your friendship. But at that moment, besides your still shaking hands, something else was hiding in the darkness - a smile on your face.

Maybe everything wasn't supposed to be so bad.

Oh sweet child, what a stupid impression.

~

It wasn't until you became a couple that you realized how little had changed in your relationship. You weren't sure if it was just too romantic before or too platonic now, but it was pretty much the same thing, with the added bonus of showing affection. Your relationship was built on all these little things and there was never a moment when your heart stopped feeling warm. You were really, really happy with the way things were.

For a short moment you regained some of the sparkle in your eyes, take advantage of it.

If Derek had talked about having your hips glued together before, it was hard to say what it could be called now. It wasn't that you were blabbing about your relationship left and right, in fact the fact that your relationship had even happened had stayed between you for a few weeks. You spent a few evenings off from work wondering what to do with the new label of this relationship. Telling Hotch was one option, and keeping it a secret and hiding it in every way possible was another. Both had their pros and cons, because in theory, a relationship between agents wasn't necessarily indicated, so it was more reasonable to admit it than to have him find out later on his own. Hiding it was also reasonable, considering the nature of your work, the dangerous nature, the possibility that someone might use it someday. Well, you didn't come up with a solution right away.

The fact that Spencer would bring you coffee every morning, or the exchange of small smiles, and the fact that you would sit on the edge of his desk while you talked wasn't anything out of the ordinary. It had happened even before there was anything like a relationship between you.

After a few weeks, you decided and went to Hotch to sort it out and not expose yourselves to any unpleasantness related to your new relationship - a relationship between two agents. Potential risk? Hard to say. But maybe it was better to explain it to him honestly, like adults. After all, it was inadvisable, but not forbidden either.

Spencer squeezed your hand in comfort and leaned towards you. "It'll be okay." The warmth of his hand helped a little and brought you back to earth.

"I take you for granted. And you better be right." You turned to face him for a moment. That sounded like one of your joking threats to Spencer. It wasn't the least bit funny to you at the time.

You entered Hotch's office first, with Spencer right behind you. He was on the phone, but quickly put it away. You took a breath. When his gaze landed on you, you still wanted to turn around, run away, hide and hide. But it was too late. You turned your head slightly towards Spencer. And then you wandered with your gaze wherever you could.

To your surprise, the conversation with Hotch was so... ordinary. You felt quite surprised by this turn of events. None of your theories had panned out. Besides, they had no chance of panning out, it was impossible. You loved to imagine a million versions of a single event in your head, and mostly the worst versions. It clashed with your optimism.

Or maybe that optimism was fading anyway.

You noticed out of the corner of your eye through the window of Hotch's office that Derek, with an expression of obvious defeat written on his face, was giving Penelope a twenty dollar bill as soon as they noticed you two. Penelope had just won a bet of sorts and you felt disbelief, but at the same time a smile was also trying to creep up on your lips. You squeezed Spencer's hand imperceptibly tighter. For a moment you were distracted and focused on Morgan and Garcia. You didn't bring it up, it was just a little stupidity between them, one of many

Your relationship wasn't a big obstacle as long as it didn't affect the team's work, your cooperation in the field, or involve showing romantic feelings at work. 'And no intimate contact!' He even emphasized that a few times, but in an even more professional way. Not that you had any plans and you were an adult, so you shouldn't have been nervous, yet your cheeks and nose suddenly became more rosy. It ended with a few signatures and sending you out of the office with nothing. Overall he said that as long as you are happy, it's good. He went back to talking on the phone and reporting, which were more important to him at the time than such problems with agents.

You and Spencer were there for each other.

~

Everything seemed pretty fine until the headache and sleep problems came. And after it another headache and another headache. Sleep problems were nothing new, they happened every once in a while, but then they became more frequent. You thought it was temporary, caused by stress and fatigue, maybe not drinking enough water and being slightly dehydrated, but it only got worse. Often and routinely. The medication didn't help much, and the tests, head and brain scans showed nothing.

Spencer was almost going crazy thinking that this was early schizophrenia, some stage of the disease and he would end up like his own mother, which was his biggest nightmare. The knowledge that in a dozen or so years he might not remember anything, only have flashes of what he knew, become useless. He wanted to use his full potential. He was supposed to be a genius, to come up with something that would help slow down the progression of his mother's disease, not a useless piece of crap whose life would slip through his fingers because of the cavities in his head.

It had nothing to do with schizophrenia at the end of the day, but it was problematic enough. They were migraines, strong and painful migraines. They didn't seem dangerous in a long run, were not comparable in terms of potential danger to anything related to the disorder he suspected, however they were difficult for Spencer and he was clearly suffering, the sight that broke your heart.

You didn't want to see him like this, you wanted to do everything to make him feel better. You weren't an expert in medicine, but you used the comforting methods you knew to make him feel at least a little better, a little more mundane than the medical ones. You stayed at his apartment a lot more often, slept there a lot more often, to be completely sure about his pain, to help him through sleepless nights, to provide him with some peace. At one point, you practically lived there. Despite your sincere efforts, compresses, warm teas, kisses on the head and careful massaging of his temples, it wasn't enough, maybe it just helped slightly. You really tried and he knew it too, sometimes he even thought and mentioned, that he didn't deserve you.

You wanted to find someone who knew about these kinds of conditions. You knew that Spencer had more contacts and connections because he was in the scientific community, so he could do more, he could take care of himself, but you wanted to do something too. You spent your nights just to find a doctor, a scientist, anyone. This situation wasn't good for you either. Almost every time you worried about Spencer, it took its toll on you. The nerves and helplessness became overwhelming. You yourself experienced headaches, but you just clenched your teeth. It was from exhaustion and you wouldn't admit it. Spencer thought you didn't have to do it, to sacrifice and worry so much, he always reminded you of that.

You were there for him, nothing new.

Wait, sweetheart.

You know you weren't the only one anymore? Really, no one told you?

You were about to give up, thinking that there was no point in searching any longer. More frustration than concern flowed through you. Mostly frustration with yourself. But you found it. You had it. You found a geneticist who could help. You felt enlightened and filled with hope. You hadn't felt this kind of hope in a long time.

There she was.

Dr. Maeve Donovan

You felt convinced, you had a feeling she would be the solution to Spencer's problems. He had no doubts when you suggested that Maeve look at the scans. You sent them by email, but you didn't go into why that was the right way for her. It wasn't your business after all. She had reviewed Spencer's MRI scans of brain, partly to help, partly out of pure scientific interest, he was a brilliant mind after all. Unlike other doctors, she saw the solution in these headaches and sleeping problems. After a few weeks of analysis, she wrote everything down, including recommendations and a prescription for some medications that you knew a little about because of how immersed you were in the whole topic of migraines, insomnia, and even paranoid schizophrenia, despite everything, Spencer knew more about these meds.

~

Months passed. I guess. You were losing count. Something was wrong and you knew it. Not with Spencer, he was slowly getting better and was in less and less pain, he didn't wake up at night as often and he wasn't in more pain during the day. You were relieved to see your beloved getting better, the meds were working, and he was regaining his nerdy drive and commitment to everything. It was a precious sight you had been waiting for.

So you should have been happy, it was wiser not to dig anything up. You didn't have a habit of behaving like that. Since Soencer was acting strange at least, you had to find out what was going on and why he wasn't telling you. He always trusted you, he told you everything, and if he didn't say something, he still mentioned the situation. Now he was avoiding anything that could be related to his behavior. He was nervous, as if stressed, sometimes he would suddenly disappear at Sundays and come back after a few minutes without a word. Later he was a bit concerned, but he tried to get back to reality. And later he would even sneak out during work, when you were with the team in the field. Sometimes you'd see notes and a pen left around his apartment, like he was writing letters. You never tried to read them, but you felt a pang in your heart.

Your intuition wasn't some great mechanism, but it wasn't stupid either. You saw him get even more worked up one afternoon. That was when Maeve told him she loved him. But you were so blissfully unaware that you were in that position. Spencer wasn't a cheater, that much was for sure. He froze for a moment after hearing those words, but he didn't answer her. He thought about what to do with this new awareness, he thought a lot.

When, during one of the cases, after Spencer had a quick conversation with Blake, she gave him a ride somewhere, you felt like something was happening completely behind your back. At least Alex already knew what was going on after she confronted him near the telephone booth. And so she promised him she wouldn't tell anyone, so you remained in unconsciousness. Unconsciousness that was no longer blissful.

And then you saw a book wrapped carefully in ribbon in Spencer's apartment, even if Spencer wasn't particularly artistic. You didn't look in there. You didn't know if it would calm down or if you'd find out something you didn't want to know. He didn't even noticed you'd noticed the book, he was behaving the same way as last time. A little nervous, but pretending to be normal. You were also a profiler, he couldn't hide it from you, even if you didn't make a habit of profiling your loved ones, it didn't agree with your morals. Well, you made plenty of exceptions for Spencer, so why should this be any different?

You loved this living room 'cause of the light. As you stood by the bookshelf, staring at the spines of old, yellowed books whose arrangement you already knew by heart, Spencer came up behind you, a slightly sheepish smile on his face. You knew that look on his face. You often cut his hair because he wasn't very comfortable with having a barber do it. He didn't like the feeling of a stranger messing with his hair, it wasn't pleasant in any way, even if most of society disagreed.

“Umm… I’m starting to think I look weird.” He began uncertainly, referring to his hair. “It’s a little too long, I think.”

You stared at him for a moment, your gaze darting between his face and his hair, you smiled. You had thought about proposing a haircut to him a few days ago, but in the end you didn't. The request seemed rather sudden. Finally, you reached out and touched his hair, and he leaned slightly into your touch. He found it a pleasant experience.

"I don't know, I like it. It's not too long yet." You admitted as you focused on his hair and kept running your fingers through it, trying to style it.

"You think so?"

You didn't know why he was so determined about it, or why he cared so much at that time. As if there were already too many strange things happening that you couldn't explain, another one was just happening.

"Yeah, it's fine. Trust me, Spence."

“Okay.” He leaned down and kissed your forehead. This kiss was warm and sincere, as always, but it had a slightly different tone than what he usually gave, more... apologizing? What the hell did he have to apologize for?

You didn't bring up the subject of hair again. You didn't know, but Alex had told him that his hair was fine the way it was and it wouldn't affect what Maeve thought. It would be funny if you were the one who cut his hair to meet her. And your eyes kept returning to the white cover and the ribbon - The narrative of John Smith

You thought you were stupid, that you were really just making up a story to yourself because you were too bored, that it was just your stupid overthinking and nothing was happening, you were drawing too many conclusions and adding a story to everything. You thought you were crazy, that something was wrong with you. You should have been happy that Spencer was no longer suffering and in pain, not making up events that you had no idea about.

What if you were right?

~

While at work one day that seemed as normal as any other, except for the constant doubts in the back of your mind, you saw Spencer briskly walk to Hotch's office without a word. He was there longer than you expected, which certainly didn't comfort you. And then you were all in the bullpen, around Spencer, whose voice was breaking.

"... He thinks he'll get away with this and he might." He stared at the floor and didn't look up. "I have a wealth of knowledge I should be applying to this case. Behavioral patterns of violent stalkers, tactical recovery strategies, victim survival odds. But right now I can't focus on anything for more than four seconds at a time, which makes me the dumbest person in the room." All eyes were fixed on him, it was an unexpected situation. "So... please help me. Help me find her."

Sometimes you felt small glances at you. You clenched your hand on the edge of the desk. You weren't even mad. You felt your stomach drop. Maeve, same Maeve. How could all this be happening so close to you and you were so stupid? You didn't say anything, just like everyone else. The difference was that the others were taken aback, surprised, but you were just numb.

After a moment, Hotch spoke up, even his tone of voice was a little different than usual. "We don't know if we have a case. So we'll be working on personal time. Does anybody want to leave?"

Silence.

You swallowed hard, but did nothing. You didn't leave, you stood there, leaning against the desk. It seemed impossible. This was all a bad dream. If nothing happened, then you weren't betrayed, right? Still, your heart ached. Your heart ached for another reason. You couldn't even feel angry because you were more concerned with his trembling, cracking voice. What the hell was wrong with you. What was even worse was that Spencer didn't have the courage to look at you. His gaze wandered, staring at the floor, his gaze meeting everything and everyone but you.

"Good. Let's get to work."

Soon, you were sitting at the same round table as always. All of their letters in front of you. The same written pages that you had seen in Spencer's apartment, but that you had never touched. You hadn't spoken to him since his confession and plea for help. You should have occupied yourself with the fact that this was about the life of an innocent woman, approached it professionally, but you couldn't. Looking at these letters, holding them in your hands and reading them, you pressed your lips into a line. You didn't share your thoughts or observations. In fact, you didn't have any, because all the letters merged into one, and you weren't able to think deeper.

Spencer was clearly taking it, looking worse than he had during any stressful case, worse than he had during any other stressful event. And you wanted to help him, or take him aside and talk to him. But he didn't seem to have a clear head to talk. What were you supposed to do anyway? Comfort him? You were the first loved one, it wasn't fair to you. Who said feelings were fair? Were you supposed to yell at him? In his condition, it wouldn't do any good anyway, and you'd only say too many words because of how you felt now.

He was angry, he didn't behave rationally, he stretched all possible theories. You had never seen Spencer like this, so emotional.

And you thought he was emotional when you were shot in the stomach during one of the cases five, maybe four years ago.

You remember his panic, your hot, scarlet blood on his hands, the pressure of his hand on your stomach where the bullet was and the tears in his eyes. And you smiled slightly at him, you don't know why, but you weren't even scared. You didn't feel any pain, because of the adrenaline in your body. You lost so much blood at the same time that you started to feel blissful, maybe that's why you weren't afraid. He acted like a hothead, and you thought there was no need to panic.

He sat in the hospital all night, right under the operating room, when you were being operated on. For several days he sat in the hospital almost constantly, slept on those uncomfortable chairs and showed you the greatest care. He was the first person you saw after waking up. The team and the nurses practically had to drag him away from the room and the hospital.

He brought you everything that could help you recover faster and smuggled in some snacks when you made pretty eyes, although according to the regulations he shouldn't do that. He explained that he wasn't doing it because it was your whim, but because after losing so much blood you should eat chocolate to normalize. You knew that wasn't his intention, but you appreciated the clever excuse.

It doesn't change the fact that you lost a part of yourself back then.

But his behavior back then was nothing like what he was now. A nervous wreck. He wanted to do everything in his power to save Maeve. How could you have known they were in touch? You thought that after the meds were prescribed, it was over. But no, she had sent him a letter praising his article on psychology. You tried to work on it, like everyone else, you really did, but you felt like shit. Maybe she was what he had always been looking for? They were interested in similar things, had similar topics and knowledge in different areas. Maybe you were just too stupid for the long term, didn't have that much to offer.

Weren't you his love by any chance?

Anyway, you didn't even talk. You didn't bring yourself to talk, you didn't look at him. The team's hard work had paid off, even if the atmosphere was tense and heavy. You were supposed to find Maeve, find out where Diane was holding her. Diane had already killed Bobby, Donovan's ex-fiancé. After her efforts, Garcia discovered where both women could be. Hotch absolutely forbade Spencer from showing up at the scene, but Spencer clearly protested. He wanted to pretend to Diane what he felt for Maeve - love.

After those words, you really felt like nothing.

You no longer showed him the same sweet support you always did, you couldn't, but by not giving up on your help you also made it clear that you wouldn't just abandon him. Despite the lack of contact between you, you devoted your nights to this matter, you slept worse than usual and drank more coffee. Don't kid yourself, you didn't really sleep because you were thinking about your relationship. Was it real or was it your imagination? You weren't working, you were consumed by thoughts and you were losing all of yourself in it.

So you were there for him, well, more for his cause, but for him.

~

Outskirts of town. Spencer entered the old, abandoned building first. None of you thought it was a good idea, but you didn't stop him. You felt the pain in this whole situation, and you were even more afraid of something happening to him. Well, it was because you loved him. You didn't know if he loved you the same anymore. You couldn't even think about 'no'. You were exhausted for the past few days.

You waited there impatiently, not knowing what was going on inside. At least you didn't see that fake kiss between Diane and Spencer. You knew it would be wiser to step in there, so that's what you did. They tried to keep you at a distance, to the side, so you wouldn't do anything stupid under the influence of emotions. Spencer tried to negotiate with Diane, who was holding a terrified Maeve, while with her other hand she was holding a gun to her own temple. You kept your cool, just like Spencer, but you could see his nervousness.

"He's the one thing you can never take from us." You heard Maeve's last, quiet words, and then a noise.

A bang, a screech in your ears, and a large, spreading stain of blood on the floor. Both women lying on the cold floor, their hair in dark blood, and a gun nearby. You looked at Spencer, who was rooted to the ground, with tears in his eyes. He quickly approached the lying, still warm Maeve. The bullet flew through the head of one and stopped in the head of the other. There was nothing left to save from the shot brain. Spencer's beloved was currently bleeding out in his arms, his hands were completely covered in sticky blood, and tears were running down his cheeks, staining her pale skin and face, from which the life had gone.

Everyone was in shock, no one made a move or said anything. Tears welled up in your own eyes. Partly because of how Spencer felt, how tragic his condition was, partly because you only just realized what was happening. He was crying hard over the body of another woman, whispering quiet words to her, hoping she would hear them, even though it was a foolish hope. He was too stunned to do anything at that point, so you walked up to them, her blood was also on your hands, you thought you could still save her yourself, even though there was no chance of that.

~

He helped her parents bury her. He was there until the end... in fact, he was there even longer. Everyone else had gone, and he was left at the grave. No, he wasn't there alone. He was there with you. You helped him in everything. You loved him and watched him bury and mourn his beloved woman. He hadn't slept in many nights, his eyes were red and his face was drawn and sunken, and he had probably lost weight. He didn't remember much of the ceremony, he was numb and had been on sedatives for several days.

Days passed, and attempts to contact Spencer were in vain, he wasn't at work, he didn't answer his phone. You went to the staircase of his apartment, to the tenement house where he lived. You'd sometimes pass JJ or Blake going up or down the same stairs. You knew the stairs by heart by now, and every time you went on the second floor up them it only got worse. Penelope left more baskets of food and necessary things by his door. Eventually they disappeared, he had to take them when no one was there, he had to survive somehow, not leaving the apartment.

You couldn't handle it, but you tried not to show it. Despite that, the rest seemed to notice your suffering. They certainly did, knowing how close you were. Suddenly you felt betrayed, rejected. What the fuck was that? You were always there for him, always, you loved him, he seemed to love you sincerely too. And in the end, he suffered because of the loss of another woman. How did she achieve this so quickly? You wanted to be understanding, but you didn't know how. You had the right to hate him, but you didn't do that either. You were left empty.

Without optimism, without a spark in the eyes, without what you started with.

You knocked on his door again, even though you had a feeling it wouldn't make much difference. Your voice was loud enough to be heard, but tired.

"You know Spencer, it's me again." You started uncertainly, having to think about every word so as not to say something stupid. It was a delicate situation. After a moment, you continued. "I just want to know how you're holding up." You leaned toward the dark, wooden door with a small plaque with the number 23.

You heard faint movements and rustling on the other side of the door, but no response. You sighed quietly. "Maybe you don't want to talk to anyone. Okay, I'm not forcing you. I think I look a little stupid talking to the door, though."

Suddenly you heard the sound of the lock turning in the door. The door opened slowly, as if he was wondering if he wanted to open it. Finally you saw him in the doorway, dressed in a thick sweater, deep in mourning. His eyes were bloodshot, his hair uncombed. The curtains in the apartment were drawn, and it was a general mess, which you could only see because of what you could see behind him, in the back of the apartment. "Hey." He was barely holding on.

You wanted to help him, to be there for him again, but you no longer felt entitled to do so. He stepped aside, wordlessly inviting you into the apartment. You immediately opened one of the windows, not much, just enough so that the fresh air would make him feel better. You repeated your previous question. You were standing close to him, but at a safe distance. "How are you feeling?" You asked in a soft voice with your typical concern.

"Not so well." He answered shortly, he didn't have the strength to talk.

You didn't push. Hell, you couldn't even talk to him. It was almost like you were standing there with a stranger, not with the man, you loved so much. The light you loved so much was gone from this room. It was almost completely dark. The air was thick with lose and indecision.

He walked over to you, more tears flowing from his eyes. Suddenly you were his support again. He hadn't really cried in days, he just didn't have the strength anymore. Seeing you made him realize everything he had done. He clung to you like you were his last lifeline, he clung to no one else but you. You heard his sobbing and some quiet words, you didn't even understand what they were, there were tears in your eyes too, but you didn't hug him like you usually did.

On the corner of the table, the same book was lying again, this time without the brown ribbon. You were lucky you didn't see the dedication inside. It would have destroyed you even more. Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone; we find it with another.

He cried on your shoulder, and you pressed your lips together to keep from falling apart. Why did he even feel entitled to this, why did he keep leaning on you? You felt like screaming. You really wanted to scold him, but it probably wasn't appropriate at the time.

Again you were there for him, it was always you at the end of the day.

~

The atmosphere at work was tense, heavy. Everyone seemed to be behaving normally, but it wasn't like usual. No one talked to you about the incident anymore, except maybe Penelope, who as always tried to talk to you, to make you feel a little relieved, brought you those herbal, sweet teas with syrups that you loved. She didn't delve into the subject, so as not to drag out your own pain, she skirted the subject all the time. Basically, everyone was tiptoeing around you, which irritated you. Damn, you didn't want any forced pity.

A few weeks passed, Spencer went back to work, but you didn't talk more than necessary and everyone noticed the changes between you. You became colder, distant. After all, your relationship wasn't supposed to affect the team's work. But was it even a relationship anymore?

You bit your nails, picked at the cuticles around your nails, scratched off the polish. You clenched your fists, dug your nails into your palms, leaving indentations in the shape of half moons on the palms of your hands. Every morning you looked at him with a storm in your eyes, and he didn't notice the signals you were sending him.

You had to talk to him, there was no other way. He had avoided you during Maeve's case and the funeral, and after that you had only had this one, harmless conversation because you didn't want to overwhelm him with more things right away. But now you were the one who was overwhelmed. You cared about his well-being, but not your own. It had always been like that, you were mainly concerned about him, even if it was ultimately overwhelming for you.

Was it worth it? Because I don't think so.

Having a free moment, you approached him and approached him. You wondered if you should do it or just back off, but your tongue got the better of you and the words came out. "We should talk."

He immediately turned to you. He knew this conversation would come, but somehow he wasn't ready for it. But he also knew how much worry and pain he had caused you, he couldn't put it off forever and keep running away. Grief wasn't an excuse. "Fine."

You found a spot in the hallway, a little more private, far enough away so you wouldn't be conspicuous through the glass doors. No one in the bullpen needed to hear your conversation or see what you did. You didn't promise predictability.

You could see he wanted to start calmly, like it always was between you, but you started abruptly first. "Spencer, what was that all about?"

He wasn't looking at you again, suddenly the floor seemed much more interesting. "What does that mean?"

"Don't suddenly act stupid, you're not stupid and unintelligent. What was wrong with our relationship?" You play brave, tough. You play because you don't feel that way.

He looked up, his lips pressed into a line. “Nothing. Everything was fine.” His answers were distant.

You shook your head slightly. “Spencer, talk to me, I don’t want any half-spells. You know what, I would expect this from anyone, anyone, but you."

He let you down, he let you down and that hurt him the most. He wasn't what you deserved. "I'm sorry." You could feel the shame in his voice but you didn't want shame or an apology because there was nothing left to save.

"I don't want your sorry. I gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy. I didn't expect anything in return, not even though I got your feelings in return, I'm not saying I didn't, I won't lie. But how did you replace me so easily?" And your bravery quickly crumbled, and tears appeared in your eyes, you blinked a few times.

Silence.

"Do something, say something! You won't lose anything anyway." You were starting to get angry. This was the first time you had been angry at him like this and you had allowed yourself to be angry. "Because what else can you lose?" Maybe you should have kept your mouth shut and not said that. It sucks, it happens.

He swallowed hard. "You. I could lose you." He knew those words wouldn't do much now, but he tried anyway.

"Oh, you're just now thinking about this? And where, excuse me, were you earlier?! Sorry I forgot, in a phone booth. And you didn't see my gray face, how sick we've become, and if you noticed, you wouldn't admit it." You didn't mince your words, you deserved to be genuinely mad.

"I..."

You should have let him talk, you should have, but you didn't. "No, listen to me! You acted like the biggest, selfish asshole and I don't know what you were thinking!" He had never seen you so upset with him, but he didn't interrupt. "What did you miss, what did I miss?"

He deserved those words, he knew he deserved them. He didn't even try to argue, he accepted the harsh words. It hurt him more when he heard your question. "No, no, you didn't lack anything. It's my fault and I'm really sorry. You were so good and sweet to me, it's all my fault." He didn't want to lose you too, but he worked for it.

"You can't change anything, beating yourself up now won't change anything... Spence." You hesitated to address him that way at all. You weren't as loud as you had been a few seconds ago, but I guess he preferred it that way. It was easier for him to accept your anger and the hurling of insults than the disappointment in your voice. And that was exactly what was in your voice - disappointment.

He looked almost like a beaten puppy. "I know, I realize that." He thought for a moment; he wasn't in the habit of swearing. "I screwed up."

"Yes, and I don't deny it. I really thought you'd be honest. I wish I had known from the beginning, maybe it would have been easier." You had tears in your eyes, but you couldn't be stupid enough to cry. "I thought it was honest. My own pain was such an imposition."

He reached out and ran his hand through the hair on top of your head. He didn't want to scare you, to do something you wouldn't like, he held his hand there for a moment. "It wasn't an imposition, don't think like that. And you shouldn't have known this from the start, in fact I shouldn't have done it at the first."

You wanted to ask what Maeve had that you didn't, but you didn't even have the courage. You pulled his hand away from your hair. "Those are nice words, but we both know you can't take back your actions, which said something completely different." You bit the inside of your cheek until you finally spoke again. "You're losing me."

He didn't blame you for rejecting his hand, he understood that perfectly well, you had every right to avoid him, but he still felt a pang. He shook his head slightly. "No, don't say that, please."

"But it's over, Spence. You kind of decided that yourself. I'm really sorry she's gone, but helping with a case like hers is one thing, and love is another. I know you and I saw, well... that." You didn't want to bring up the brutal murder directly. "That's what love looked like."

For a moment you stood in silence, he couldn't deny it and you didn't know what to say. Without a word you turned around and started walking down the hallway towards the glass doors, a few tears in your eyes balanced between your lash line and the corners of your eyes.

Spencer lost something again, but you were no longer there for him.

See? I told you so.

You know what they all say, you don't know what you got until it's gone.

[thewistlingbadger]

Hi! I’ve seen some stuff going around about Silco and his motivations. Whether or not he wanted true freedom for Zaun or power and control. What are your thoughts? At least to me, he was ready to give up everything for Zaun until it came to Jinx, which obviously, what dad would turn in his daughter. So what do you think?

Becoming the leader of Zaun was NOT solely a power move on Silco's behalf. Had he only cared about his own power, greed, and ego, he would have been just like all the other chem barons and the show makes it clear that Silco is not like the chem barons, he's above all that. Had it truly only been about himself, he could have stopped long ago. But instead he kept pushing for more.

Zaun is Silco's everything. Even when he does get Jinx, Zaun is still his everything. We don't know much of his background, but we know this is what he's been working towards his whole life. He's witnessed atrocities that only those from zaun witness. The things he's witnessed have radicalized him to the extent that he forms his identity around the idea of zaun independence and its plausibility. Silco leaves and breathes Zaun, it's always been about the liberation movement for him.

That's not to say he didn't entertain his own ego though. Part of it was him being the leader, him calling the shots in a life where everything has seemed out of his control. And we know how much Silco loves control. Part of it is getting his due diligence, getting what he deserves. Which means being a strong powerful figure who's clean and polished and perfect and wealthy. In a world where Zaun prosperity has been deemed impossible Silco has gone above and beyond to ensure that he is a success story.

This is my personal interpretation/headcanon:

Silco lived a hard life. He saw despair and destruction from the moment he was born. He's seen famine and disease and death. He's know suffering and pain like his own face. Where some people get discouraged by that amount of lived misfortune, silco was enraged by it, ("my whole life I've known I'm less than them. I want more for Powder and I'm willing to fight for it"), he was inspired by it, it was what kept him going.

He wasn't popular among his peers, they often looked down on him or overlooked him completely. He was a weird kid, some of the things he would say made no sense to people and the way he behaved sometimes left them unnerved ("She jinxes every job. Everytime she comes along...").

He fell in love with the concept of the undercity having no ties to Piltover in his childhood or perhaps even in his adolescence. The independent nation of Zaun. Imagine the problems that could be cured without Pilltover's looming dominance. Maybe they wouldn't have to work in the mines anymore. Maybe they could have more food and less sickness and maybe they'd all be richer, maybe they'd all have better lives. No one understood his vision. They all thought him mad, his passionate ramblings of revolution, speaking only of a fool's dream. All except for one man, a man he would have never expected support from since he was beloved by all. But Vander thought he was a genius, and he agreed completely with him. They worked together to build upon Silco's dream, which was now their dream ("when you're going to change the world, don't ask for permission"). Even though people still disliked Silco, they rallied to his cause. It took years to finally get to the point Silco had been waiting for... but we all know what happened. We know that somehow, his plans came toppling down, and he lost the only person that actually cared for him. The person that upheld his dream.

But zaun was his destiny. And he wasn't going to be stopped by one man who didn't have the nerve to go all the way. He was going to do whatever it took to accomplish his goal. There wasn't going to be a single line he wouldn't cross, absolutely nothing that would stop or slow him. Finally,bhe was going to show everyone who ever doubted him how wrong they were. He was going to show piltover too ("we will show them all"). And one day, this city was going to be his, as it always had been. ("one day, this city is going to respect us").

[rengo-katze]

Smile Again - an IidaMei drabble

Okay but, imagine Tenya telling Mei to hop on his back and cling tightly to him, since he was gonna take her to an inventors' event that she was already very late for because of a mishap that morning with the device she was supposed to showcase.

(A/N: This was inspired by the song "Smile Again" by Rumble Fish [listen below]. Though, I didn't write about the whole Tenya + Mei running scene, you can imagine it when you listen to the song lololol. I'm a bit pressed on time due to work so I maybe lacking in the vocabulary department [I ran low on being a writer and an engineer tonight, I'm sorry really] and I was lazy to write the main prompt above hurr hurr. Anyways, hope this brightens someone's day still ksks.)

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There was a huge technical symposium where Mei is supposed to be competing against other high school support students to be awarded a sponsorship for a start up invention that they will propose then and there at the event. Being the most promising support course student in their sophomore year, she was chosen to be UA's representative and so she poured all her efforts and enthusiasm for this months before the competition.

As she was a friend of Tenya, Ochaco, and Izuku, class 2-A became aware of the upcoming event and offered their well-wishes; also trying to avoid giving her anymore additional work with their support items. Tenya, who was beginning to be especially close to her (and has also been hiding a crush on her for a long time now), visited her frequently at her workshop to help her test her ideas, from conception even up to it being a full-blown contraption.

He came to know her classmates as well when he was with her and realized that a lot of people there regarded her as a genius, a gifted girl for her age, and he can't help his crush on her from deepening. However, he also caught some whisperings about some people being envious or saying snide remarks about her being the teacher's (Power Loader) pet, and how she was short to being astounding; it was all a biased decision. He controlled himself not to confront those people because Mei needed him beside her and adding to the stressfulness of preparing for a competition is the last thing on his mind.

A week before D-day, they tested her newest baby, which was really a baby made just for him: it was a mechanism similar to that of an airplane's that you wear like a vest, that has a reverse thrust to help in braking the speed of heroes with quirks that make them speedy and lose control of that. It was of course intended no to only for him in the long run; people like Izuku, Katsuki, or even Shouto could use it when in battle.

When testing it, it worked perfectly, outstandingly, and safely, much to Tenya's liking. Even if there were midterms and practical exams coming up the next week, Tenya gave at least two hours of his every day that week to test with Mei. When they met, she often had a snack or a full meal with her (if she hasn't eaten lunch yet) that she bought from the cafeteria and she shared with Tenya to thank him for all his efforts. He wasn't expecting anything in return actually, rather than to help her reach her dream little by little, but at that time that her baby had exceeded the limit she thought was supposed to be the limit according to her calculations, Mei couldn't help but hug him back so tightly, and even gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before packing up and bidding their goodbyes. This left him unable to follow her back to the school building and instead, just stood there with a silly crooked smile on his face while his hand touched his cheek for a while. It wasn't when he saw Mei struggling a bit to carry the weight of her toolbox that he snapped out of it and offered to take it from her and walk her back to the workshop. She continued to be her enthusiastic self and didn't even mention anything about the kiss afterwards lol.

But then, at the morning of the symposium, when they were walking towards the workshop and talking about their presentation later that afternoon (he was coming with her as her demo person), they both noticed that the doors were ajar and that wasn't supposed to be, it was too early in the morning for any student to need to be there except for Mei herself. So she and Tenya hurried to the room, only to find Mei's work station in complete chaos: her tools were thrown in every direction, her blueprints (not even related to her competition) were ripped apart, and worst of all, her newest baby was dismantled in a not so graceful way as the vest had its tubes yanked out, its wires cut hurriedly, and the casing having multiple dents on it.

Mei was distraught. For the first time they were together, Tenya saw fear and panic in her eyes and after just a split second, she started crying. Ugly crying, in fact, as she suddenly got on her knees and a string of no's, why's, and my baby's was all she can scream. Tenya was also close to breaking down; all the stress from the previous months they've been developing this has all been for nothing?? But he collected himself, hugged Mei very tightly from behind, and told her that they can figure this out. That they can fix their baby up, that it wasn't over.

That they were still going to the symposium no matter what.

Mei looked at him as if he was just spouting nonsense, but Tenya just smiled reassuringly and softly, and he started to pick up the damaged vest and the tools.

"Mei, I know right now everything seems like a mess, and that it's far from possible for it to work. But I believe we can still make it. You know why? Because it's you. You're Hatsume Mei, the genius inventor who thinks of the most brilliant ideas as fast as she can build those ideas to life. That's you, Mei. So what do you say? Let's get to it."

Mei was speechless, this boy in front of her was making her believe in the impossible and most of all, fuelling her spirit as that crazy inventor who never gave up even when her inventions were literally exploding in the workshop back then. She always could save them, she always had. That was one of her strongest points.

"Okay, Tenya. Thank you, really. There's really more to that jacked-up nerd exterior you're sporting, isn't there?"

"Wha-- What are you saying, Me--"

"Oh yeah, if I'm going to fix this right now, how are we still going to make it in time to the venue? There's only 2 hours left before call time and we're at least a city away!"

She was surprised when she saw Tenya chuckle.

"Mei, I can take you there. What's the use of my quirk when I can't even take you somewhere you need to go to in an emergency?"

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Bonus content:

While working on fixing the vest, a boy from Mei's class walked towards the workshop, commenting on the huge mess that was there and how unlucky Mei was for having a break-in on the day of her competition. Tenya was quick to recognize him as one of the students who gave snide remarks about Mei, and everything instantly made sense.

"My oh my, whoever did this must've really been eyeing you for a long time now, Hatsume," he began. "But maybe you were so comfortable, so easygoing that you never thought your precious inventions would be targerted by an outsider-- WHA-- HEY--"

In a swift motion, Tenya's fist came in contact with the boy's face, sending him tumbling outside the workshop and stunned at what just happened.

"You're-- you're Hatsume's boyfriend, right?? I-I didn't notice you were there--" he sputtered, now holding his cheek anxiously.

Tenya paid no mind to his question, didn't even give him a chance to explain, and crouched to his level, a sharp and deadly glare in his dark blue eyes.

"You made her cry on her most important day.. Do you even know how much of her self she poured into this competition?"

The scared student tried to shrink back more to the wall that his back was against now.

"P-please, I... I didn't do it! It wasn't me-- you don't even have proof! She had it coming, that annoying bitch--!!"

"FUCK YOU."

And that last punch sent the kid to la la land. Tenya stood up, trying to calm his anger, rationalizing things and what else he needed to do. He'll deal with the consequences of injuring a fellow student in school grounds later; the competition comes first.

"Hey, Tenny, that's enough for now. You're getting your hands dirty for something far from important," Mei called him with a sigh from inside the workshop. "Thanks for standing up for me but he's not worth your time."

"I'm sorry, he was just severely in the wrong here. And I couldn't let that pass, after everything..." he tried to relax, sighing as well. "Do you have a sink I can use here?"

Upon glancing at his bloodied knuckles, Mei smiled worriedly at him.

"He's also not worth your detention."

[ggitty]

(JN anon) Jimmy and Sheen actually had concession cup versions of half those flavors: Green with Jimmy, Red and Orange for Sheen. Red I think I saw the least; one kid was surrounded by the Green ones. (They actually had the entire movie free on Youtube last month, along Barnyard and some other selected movies.)

Oh yeah, I think the Jet Fusion game had some too. A few of the show's storyboards and production reels were posted to Youtube. (If you heard of Paul Claerhout, who along with Acorn are responsible for the character designs, he has a site where he posted some concept art from Johnny Quasar to Planet Sheen.) For added fun, there's a few JN anniversary VA panels uploaded if you want hear more on what it was like behind the scenes.

It's kinda funny how it sounded, based on the title, that the initial premise was just Planet Sheen, but with Carl and not a show.

Heh, I think mine's was Pokemon. And Looney Tunes.

*nods* New people are expected in older properties, but they gotta have the guidance to keep the image consistent. (I get wanting differentiate though, not always easy. As we've seen with FOP)

According to Acorn on the "karereviews" site, Davis wasn't as involved after the first season because of production with the Ant Bully. Season 1 did feel a bit more down-to-earth compared to 2 and 3. (But yeah, Davis talked about his current field in an interview just last year; it's on Youtube along with a few others he did. There's was one from 2022 where talked about his time with the series and did seem confused as to why a JN reboot failed to go through given the current climate of entertainment [and video games], and how much the fandom has been wanting it for years.)

Sounds like you had quite an eventful day. xD (I already knew about NFL Slimetime having Nick/Paramount characters appearing since they did this type of thing before. I had JUST learnt about Jimmy appearing literally a few days before the date on a repost. Thought it was like, someone's fake wishlist at first until I traced it back to Paramount. xD Boy genius just can't stop winning.)

Lol, if they start suddenly re-airing old episodes or have Jimmy appear in one of those crossover Paramount commercials like Arnold and Dora did under the mask of "we just felt like it", I'd be thoroughly convinced they're in denial. :P

Ah that's good to know! *looks at the movie I downloaded and put in a JN folder*

Oh yeah, I saw Paul's website when I was looking for some concept-art stuff! There were also sketches for the UltraLord spin-off if I'm not mistaken (lore drop indeed lol)

In some universe, we have Planet Carl and probably a shit ton of memes from it I don't even know if it's a win or a loss lol

(oh, the downfall of FOP was hard, painful and dragged on like a bad slapstick joke ")

(and damn I should have watched that interview when I found it before I lost it somewhere in an accidentally deleted tabs folder)

''A WIN IS A WIN'' so to speak lol

Ah yes, “we just felt like it” which translates to “we are testing the waters and teasing the appearance of these franchises in the future, but it's not certain and you haven't seen anything!” hbabhbasd BTW, absolutely random Johnny Quasar render that was found on Unix Window Manager and posted on reddit lol

(runs away from the intergalactic police because he drives a rocket without a license at the age of 10)

[blackdigitalrose]

Wed - Smile Pretty Cure! - Ep 10 -12

Ep 10, wasn't anything particular, it was very much colour by numbers formula, if you had seen any ep with this concept, you know how it's going to play out but the gesture of naming the restaurant after their first born (as they somehow happened both in the same year?) is a nice touch/sentiment. (If not an odd name for a resturant if ya translate it.)

If you just took this screenshot alone, you'd think the ep was about curry or something but when you have a food + mystery secret ingredient ep, was anyone really expecting the result to be anything else? It's as overused as tropes can get.

Ha, I don't actually have anything to say here, it's just a funny response, more so as it is coming from a baddie, the one's usually guilty for allowing such things. It's just a scene that made me chuckle.

Ha, I know this one, it's one of the more infamous Smile eps

They certainly had some creative ideas and methods, even if they just looked like Lemmings with those Umbrellas and we'll just over look how they some how got up all those steps, when they failed getting up one? Never mind actually continuously catching up to Candy.

With all those bugs and screaming, I expected her to KO a lot sooner, she held out quite well. Although oddly cold or maybe fitting or Reika not to highlight this little fact until after she reaches her limit.

That is one insane size difference and if that's the case, why keep going for humans and attracting the Precure, if negative energy can be collected from anything, there'd be so many alternatives to collect it right from under them?

The self awareness! Not that the battle with the Akanbe wasn't impressive, using the weeds and grass as a tool and backdrop gave for a super unique fight. So obviously she undoes it all and calls it a day -.-''

Gotta admit, this played out very differently and alot better than Akane's focus ep. Gotta appreciate that realistic conclusion, phobia's are not that simple.

This is like the first time they've used it since going in search of one, I was expecting it be more common.

Meanwhile, the inconsistency, do these baddies have two braincells to rub together or not? Because this part at least is actually a really genius move. (which I expect to be ruined later for plot convenience.)

Only ep 12 and already a power up? One would assume they have a few this season, only about a quarter of the way in? Is this early or late by Precure standards?

So, is that the reason why his appearances are so rare? The guy shows up and then disappears, while allegedly being their superior in all this... so where does he go? What's he been doing this whole time?

( “･ω･ﾞ)... Good gravy the preview for ep 13... that is not cute, that is terrifying. I didn't need that image!

[honey-from-hell]

Red, White, & Royal Blue Movie Rant

Spoilers. All the spoilers. You've been warned.

I'm going to be talking pretty negatively about the movie, and if you don't want that, please, please scroll. I'm not trying to rain on anyone's parade. I know how important this movie is to a lot of people and the last thing I want is to upset anyone with my opinions. I just need to get my thoughts down. I'm a list autistic (yes, ha, like Alex).

My ramblings about this are not in any way meant to take away the importance of this movie. It is sacred in a way to a lot of people, the same way Harry Potter was when it came out (fuck JKR). It makes people feel seen despite how good or bad it is and that is important. This is my opinion on this piece of media as just a movie, as a thing. NOT as a concept that is good and needed and unashamed. I really hope this is the beginning of more feel-good queer movies. As a queer person, as an American in a time of trans-bills who is dating a trans person, this movie is powerful. But like, also bad. And I have opinions on it. 

So, I didn't like the movie. The mixture of the promos, the R rating, and the 90% it had on Rotten Tomatoes before it came out definitely got my hopes up. And I love the book. But in the end, I don't like the movie. I wasn't expecting something worthy of awards and critical acclaim, but I was expecting something more.

I think the reason I can say I didn't like the movie and not something more along the lines of, "I enjoyed it despite its problems," is because of how many issues I have with it. If it was just pacing, or just the cheesiness, or just an actor I think I would have liked it. But I pretty constantly went, "Oh, I don't like that." And the issues just kept stacking.

Going into it, I knew the main differences from the book were the lack of June and the fact Ellen and Oscar weren't divorced. And I think those two huge elements that play a part in Alex's character are really apparent in the movie. I thought Alex was kind of flat. I thought a lot of the characters were kind of flat. And this one is going to piss a lot of people off, but I didn't like Nicholas Galitzine's acting at all. I think the moment the movie went from enjoyably bad to bad bad for me is the last third where it's from Henry's perspective. The scene where he started browsing the books in the red room like that was particularly awkward and stilted. A lot of his scenes felt like that, like he was acting for a play or something. It wasn’t realistic. Since he’s a main character, it really did affect my opinion of the movie as a whole. 

Amy and Zarah were amazing. And Stephen Fry as the King did a great job. Taylor Zakhar Perez’s acting was on point, most of the time. I think some of my favorite scenes were Alex interacting with his mom, Zarah, Amy, and Nora at the beginning of the movie. Also, I fucking loved Nora. I wish she had been in the movie more, and also explicitly bisexual. And Pez. I just really wanted Nora/June/Pez, but I digress, not having that is not what made the movie unenjoyable for me.

I tried not to compare it to the book as a way to determine how good or bad it was. Like, when I heard June wasn't a character, I didn't immediately go, "Well, that means it going to be bad." But one of the great things about the book is the way all the characters interact with each other, not just Alex and Henry. We get to see what kind of relationship Alex and June have with their mom as their mom and as the president. We get to see the White House Trio be goofy but genius young adults figuring themselves out. Those were the moments that flesh the characters out and make you care about them. And there just really wasn’t very much of that in the movie.

The R rating made me happy, for one, because Alex says “fuck” so much in the books. His potty mouth is commented on. It is part of his character. It’s such an easy way to portray this very genuine and good character as someone who is still brash and a bit of an asshole. I had also hoped that the rating would help it feel like the book (says the person desperately trying not to compare it to the book). It is supposed to be sexy and fun on top of being unapologetically queer. But on the flip side, that was such a PG-13 movie and I have a feeling whoever decides the rating of movies was being homophobic. Because a gay sex scene is more “inappropriate” than a straight one. I also associate a level of maturity with R-rated movies, not because of more mature content but because the people consuming the movie and the movie itself should appeal to a more mature audience. If that makes sense. But it felt like a Hallmark and Disney’s ever so slightly more raunchy lovechild. 

The pacing immediately took me out of the movie. It was like watching a movie on 2x speed. I totally get why so many people thought it should be a mini-series or something. And I know they couldn't fit all 400 pages into a movie, but there have been adaptations before that do a solid job. I don't think RWRB did. I feel like Alex’s character development was flat and a bit magical—unnatural and unearned. Like, Henry apologizes and suddenly they are BFFs.

AND THE EMAILS. That’s what the whole ending conflict and it felt very much forgotten. We got the text messages and stuff, but when it came to the emails, it was just voiceovers. I think, like in the book where Alex thinks about private email servers (which is like my favorite joke in the book, it’s so layered in so many ways), there needed to be the equivalent of that in the movie before to bring attention to it. But this catalyst just kind of gets overlooked until it’s relevant.

And motherfucking Miguel Ramos. He felt like just a juvenile addition by being into Alex and being big bad because he’s into Alex. It was kind of icky in a way the book avoided. In the book, it was about politics, and while icky, they didn’t use a queer character to achieve the big conflict. His character, and really the whole progression, reminded me a lot of fanfiction written by a new writer. Like, the concept is good but the execution is what holds it back. 

Okay, so, I for sure have more things I disliked than things I liked, but I did appreciate the humor. It was the one part that 100% felt like the book. It was stupid and inappropriate, but witty and compelling. The direct quotes had me fangirling. Zarah, Amy, and Nora. Just ugh. I’m gay. Shaan? I also miss his sweet ass. 

I didn’t expect this movie to be perfect but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed. I’ll try watching it again when I’m not in hyperfixation mode. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

EDIT: Also, Alex confirmed their relationship in the speech BEFORE the talk with the king. Like, Sir King Stephen Fry, it's already out there, man. The speech was supposed to take place after their talk with Philip and the King.

[nostalgiqueajamais]

Spider-Man: No Way Home

I have to admit, I used to be a bit biased when it came to Spider-Man. The first movies with Tobey Maguire were my favorites and I wasn't very open-minded when the newer versions were released. Despite liking Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone, I didn't like that they made the Amazing Spider-man when they did. I was like "Why mess with the original?" Anyways, my thought process and general way of thinking changed when I entered my 20s. I don't remember the Amazing Spider-man, so I need watch that again. I do remember that it had a very sad ending with Gwen dying and I remember not liking that. I was more open-minded after the Avengers and the new movies with Tom Holland came out. But I never got around to actually watching them. I still haven't seen Homecoming. Gonna do that tomorrow after I get a good night's sleep. I watched Far from Home for the first time today on Netflix and it was EPIC!

No Way Home piqued my interest the most, obviously there's Tobey Maguire but also of course, the entire concept itself is genius. Creating a multiverse where all three Spider-mans exist in different timelines. I unconsciously had a lot of expectations for the movie.

I felt bad a lot for Tom Holland's Peter in this one. Like Doctor Strange put it, the kid has been through a lot! And now, he was about to be put through even more stuff. Luckily, he had two other friendly neighborhood Spider-mans to help him. That was a great moment when the other two Peters were just hanging on the rooftop like a regular chimp on a treetop. It was lowkey cool!

I had some freak out fangirl moments when Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield showed up. I even clapped. I was excited to see the villains as well. When Dr. Otto Octavius showed up, it felt like seeing an old friend again. My heart was beating fast when the Green Goblin showed up. I knew he was coming, still exciting. I mean, I haven't seen him since the FIRST movie. He's been gone a long time! Cameos as the dead vision don't count. He's alive! in this one. I think he was the scariest Spider-man villain. It's the voice.

I felt bad for the villains, compassion. Wow, script writers are all about enlightenment these days. Villains were humans once too, until they chose to turn into other beings and killed a bunch of people. I felt bad for the Spider-mans as well, having lost so many loved ones.

I know this was by design, but I feel the need to mention how poetic it was when Andrew's Peter saved MJ. I knew it was coming. It made the character's story come around full circle. He was also so adorable, constantly stating how he had always wanted brothers, telling them that he loved them. He was just lovable. I kind of wish that they would face-time him from across the universes.

I LOVE how mature Tobey's Peter is. There's just something classic about him. Like fine wine. I screamed out NO when he got stabbed but he lived. Phew. That would have been a bummer. A more interesting plotline, but a bummer.

Now, don't come for me MCU fans, but I was also a bit disappointed. Maybe because I expected so much. The idea of bringing all the villains and all three Spider-mans together, it's epic but also a lot of pressure. There was a lot of star power in this: Willem Dafoe, Alfred Molina, Tobey Maguire, Jamie Foxx, Rhys Ifans, J. K. Simmons, Thomas Haden Church ... and yet, there was just something off about the way it was shot. Maybe it was the angles, but something felt awkward. Like the scene where Tom Holland's Peter rages and beats the $h*t out of the Green Goblin; I guess they wanted us to see the fight, but it could have been shot more dramatically than just the front angle. And then Tobey's Peter comes to stop him. Tom's Peter yielded a second too fast. Also, Peter paid ZERO attention to Ned after dating MJ even as he was about to be forgotten.

Btw, why does Zendaya or MJ remind me so much of Selena Gomez. More so, Alex Russo.

The scene on the statue of Lady Liberty was amazing, and beautifully shot. I loved when the three Peters talk normally before the villains come for them like it's just another Sunday. It was a nice little moment of relief which balances out the heavy, emotional scenes.

I really wanted to see the aftermath in the other universes. What happened to the villains? Norman Osborne? Without his evil counterpart, he's left with sanity and the guilt of what he did when his dark side took over. Does he go insane anyway? Does the amount of guilt drive him crazy? I also wanted to see Flint reunite with his daughter. What about Dillon? What becomes of him? And also Dr. Connors? Does he get put in jail? So many unanswered questions. Would have liked to see some scenes, even post-credits regarding that.

Overall, not a bad movie. A lot of moments to freak out over, the villains, the Peters, it was truly a treat for fans. But the hype of the crossover before the movie's release did ruin it a tad. I haven't seen Homecoming but so far, Far from Home is my favorite out of the trilogy.

Also, can't wait for the fourth one.

[calciumcryptid]

I Have Elected to Ignore Midnight's Death

Polarmare's First Day

It was the first year Kenta would be teaching at U.A. A longtime friend of hers requested to take up the open teaching position, and who was Polarmare going to deny a change of scenery?

Besides, her sister lived in Japan and was elated to know that the Fuyuhito sisters were getting back together so that was the housing situation solved in under five minutes.

U.A. paid good as well which was good for a single mother like Kenta. She adored Seko with all her heart from the first time they met in Japan two years ago when she saved him from prison. Sure the paperwork was a bitch, but Seko loved the opportunity to meet so many different heroes.

So they packed their bags, and headed off to Japan where she was reunited with her sister.

The day after they arrived she made sure her paperwork was sorted by the Hero Safety Commission, then made sure to pick up Seko for her tour at UA.

There she met Nezu, who seemed just as crazy has he had been over the phone and her fellow coworkers.

She took an instant liking to Powerloader and Snipe as they bonded over creating weapons. Vlad King and Ectoplasm seemed chill too, and it was nice to see other dedicated teachers.

Midnight was cheering about another woman on the staff, though seemed to deflate when Kenta snipped her sexual flirting at the bud.

Present Mic was loud, but reminded Kenta of a friend in America so the familiarity was nice.

It was interesting meeting All Might after seeing his last stand on the news, but Kenta hoped they would be able to get along even if he seemed like a bumbling mess half of the time.

Recovery Girl was alright, a bit jaded but it was hard to find a hero so old who wasn't.

Aizawa seemed like someone she needed to keep her eye on, his knee jerk reaction upon learning she was an international hero was hostility while he worked under the impression she was a spotlight hero.

With a swing of her axe, and a clarification of the fact she was a Neighborhood Hero who worked mostly under Rescue and Underground terms, he simmered down real quick.

The General Ed teachers seemed chill, and Kenta hoped she would be able to grab some drinks with them after a long day of work.

Seko loved every one of the them, and was excited by the prospect of their quirks though Kenta made sure to cover his eyes and ears whenever Midnight was in the room.

After final arrangements with Nezu, she was given the dates of the entrance exams. The Fuyuhito family left in good spirits.

The day of the Management Entrance Exam came around, and Kenta came in her formal hero uniform. She took a seat beside Snipe and Powerloader, and was introduced as Polarmare.

Polarmare watched as potential students came in to present one by one, and she made notes. At the end of the day after helping the potential support students present Polarmare was happy with her picks.

It wasn't over though as she spent a while in her new office she looked at each students history, made a few calls, and at the end picked out a good sixty for the first years.

Sixty may seem extreme, but there were many parts of management and business so they wouldn't all be in one class.

She went home to tend to her son, and went to see the sights with her family.

The day of the hero entrance exams arrived, and Polarmare took a seat in the viewing room. She studied the motions of the potential students, their interactions, and was pleasantly surprised to see Nezu took her suggestion of making Rescue Points public and hiding a new type of points known as Cooperation Points.

The big scale robot had been toned down a bit, and at the end Polarmare had a few qualms but didn't have any outward complaints.

Eventually, the first day of the school year came around and Polarmare did her introductory presentation. She explained each branch of management and business, the schedules, and sent them on a tour with Snipe of the business building.

While that occured, she had a meeting with the votes on representatives and outlined what she expected of each of them. She was pleasantly surprised to find them ready to meet the challenge, and was off once again.

She let the students spend the first week exploring the changes she made, and getting used the renovated building. She didn't see the need to challenge them too much considering they were in a new environment.

At the end of the day, Polarmare made her way to the Conference Room and took her place. The first thing she noticed was a lack of Gen Ed teachers present, which concerned her.

Snipe and Powerloader seemed surprised to see her there, and it was Snipe who leaned over.

"The Management teacher usually doesn't come to these meetings as they center primarily around the hero course."

Polarmare took in the words before responding, "Business and Management is a huge part of heroics so I believe I should be present for any meetings regarding the Hero Course."

Snipe nodded, and straightened back up.

After a couple more looks, the rest of the teachers settled down to prepare the meeting.

Nezu got up on his little podium, and smiled. "Welcome to the first hero course meeting of the year. Since we have a new teacher with us this year, I would love to hear her thoughts on how she plans on interacting with the hero course."

"First, may I record the meeting?" Polarmare asked. "I work better if I have audio to listen to afterwards."

A few of the teachers gave each other looks, but Nezu nodded.

Polarmare tapped her recorder before she stood up. "I plan on calling the second year students to the business building to discuss their media presence. With permission from you and their gaurdians, I want to make sure they have profiles set up on Hero Watch. It would be good for them to interact with other heroes, and it will open internship and work study opportunities for them."

Nezu hummed, "Permission granted, you may start as soon as you can."

"Once I get their gaurdains approval," Polarmare resaid with a firm stare. "I shall send out the email tonight, and set up conferences if needed."

Polarmare noticed some of the teachers looking at her in confusion, but she made her notes.

The rest of the teachers went around, and Polarmare made her notes. Admittedly more on their body language then what they have to say.

The last person to talk was Aizawa. He stood up and gathered a couple of papers.

"All of the expulsion forms have been filled out." Aizawa passed them around towards Nezu.

Polarmare slammed down her hand before they could be passed the final length. She turned them over to look through them.

"Polarmare, may I ask what you are doing?" Aizawa asked through gritted teeth.

"You know Eraserhead, this seems quite light for expulsion papers. I see a distinct lack of reference to any evidence or record of you meeting with the student to discuss the expulsion."

"What are you talking about?" Aizawa asked.

"According to the Student Rights, the student should be made aware of their expulsion with any evidence before they are expelled." Polarmare looked over to Aizawa, "I assume this is the first time Nezu has seen these, so I also assume he has been expelling students based on your word without a meeting or evidence."

Aizawa stared Polarmare down, "U.A. does not work on the regular rules schools are legally allowed to abide by."

Polarmare shifted the papers in her hand, "Actually, Student Rights apply to all schools. If this is the case, and you have been expelling like this, it is a miracle you haven't been sued."

"Nezu handles the lawsuits," Snipe said.

"Ah, that explains that. Let me clarify, it is a miracle that someone who outranks you hasn't caught on and sued you." Polarmare adjusted her posture, "Now what is your reasoning?"

"The students show a lack of potential," Aizawa stated matter of factly.

Polarmare raised an eyebrow, and waved her hand. "And?"

"What more is there to say?"

Polarmare sighed deeply. "Tell me Eraserhead, how do you measure a concept as abstract as 'Potential'."

"A series of trials," Aizawa stated.

"Yeah, I saw those trials being performed. I noticed that they are all physical. Are you saying you are measuring potential on how physically experienced your students are?"

Midnight giggled.

Polarmare shot a glare before turning back to Aizawa, "I am going to look through these students and read out loud their quirks."

"This is uneccesary-"

"Marinette, this quirk allows the user to control those with human intelligence or faux human intelligence like robots as though they are simply puppets. Hmm, I don't see how this could apply to something like a grip test or ball throw. Though this could be a way to give heroes confidence or maybe even to control villains. This student sounds like a great Underground or Neighborhood Hero if they so desired.

"That is only-"

"Oh! Gnaw. This one is interesting. This quirk gives the user sharp appendages as long as they are made out of keratin on some level. Can't think of how this would help a sit-up, but imagine there was a super strong net that could be useful. This student sounds like an amazing Rescue Hero if they so desired."

"Two-"

"Slowdown, a quirk that allows the user to slow down anything that is moving. That is amazing on its own, and if they know how to dismantle robots in the time allowed they have to be some sort of mechanical genius! They could go down any hero path they wanted and he so successful. A shame I can't think of how this would help on any trials unless they were sabotaging others. Were they sabotaging others?"

"No," Aizawa said.

"This is a bad trend Eraserhead," Polarmare warned. "Of course if you insist on wanting to expell them, then why don't you allow me work out some private study transfers. I know what, like five? Ten? Twenty? Probably like something hundred pros who are on the waiting list that would love to work with some of these quirks."

Aizawa glared at her.

"Then again why is there such a focus on their quirks? Oh! I know, it is because you don't care how they act if Mineta and Bakugou is anything to go by." Polarmare said. "Don't think I've noticed the large amount of tapes and complaints filled out regarding them."

Polarmare looked up at Aizawa, "I'm just saying there is some good evidence here to create a good quirk discrimination and abuse of power case. Unfortunately for you, I happen to be friends with a lot of lawyers and reporters who don't exactly love UA and would love to get their hands on this information."

"Nezu!" Aizawa shouted.

Nezu who was blankly smiling throughout the whole exchange looked at Aizawa. "What? She has a point, and we can not take another hit like this to our reputation. Polarmare you have permission to disband the expulsions."

"Thank you."

"Oh shit," Present Mic muttered but it was audible due to the complete silence of the room."

"With that, I believe this meeting shall be adjourned. I employ you all to spend some times to reevaluate your students."

Polarmare collected her notes, and looked over the expulsion sheets. She wasn't lying before, she was sure she could find some good mentors for these students depending on what they want to do. She'll have to add those meetings to her calendar. Maybe Seko had some ideas, and her sister would probably snatch up one of th-

Something ling and grey wrapped around her mid section, and she didn't have to turn around to know who it was.

"Eraserhead, what do I owe the pleasure?" She turned her head to see his eyes aflame with red.

"I have been managing my class like this for years, and I do not appreciate you coming in here and dictating what I can and can not do."

"I do not dictate it, the law does." Polarmare sighed as she looked at his eyes. "Cancelling my quirk is useless considering it isn't and offensive quirk," She pointed out.

Aizawa let his capture scarf wrap back around his neck as he blinked. He stared at her with narrowed eyes.

"Bakugou is a perfectly fine student, and I do not see why you brought him up-"

"The boy has a record of telling people to die, I don't care if it is his thing it fucks with your head. Not to mention the physical assault and berating he does, because unlike you I read the complaints."

"The complaints are useless, I judge my students without any prior knowledge."

Polarmare raised an eyebrow, "Does that include background checks because I thought UA prided themselves on those."

Aizawa gritted his teeth.

"If that is all, I need to get home to my family."

[beneathashadytree]

May I please request Lucien from MLQC, comforting his beloved who hasn't yet learned to love herself? He loves her dearly and is infinitely patient with her, and won't ever stop loving her because he truly wants her to believe in herself and accept that she is worthy of being loved. Any genre is okay. Thank you so much!!! ❤️ I am infinitely patient and love your writing, so please take your time and no need to rush my dear. :)

EVERY INCH IS LOVED - LUCIEN XU X READER

Warnings : lots of talk about insecurities (body image issues, acne, intelligence), self-worth issues, implied depressive episodes, I think maybe one curse word? reader is gender-neutral!

Genre : hurt/comfort (my heart ached writing this)

Word count : 3.3K (I got carried away sfsgjssj)

Additional notes : I am so, very, really, terribly sorry this is so late! I hadn't received the notification for this, and by the time I checked my email over a month had already passed. I tend to write the reader as gender-neutral, but if you'd like me to change that to a reader using she/her pronouns, I have no qualms doing that! I did my best making this longer than usual as some sort of compensation for the long wait, and I hope you enjoy it. And remember, you deserve all the love there is in the world, and your insecurities are certainly things people who care for you find endearing about you.

Synopsis : Putting up a care-free front was hard enough as it is, but pretending you don't have raging insecurities when you're married to the ever-perceptive Lucien Xu was a plan set to fail from the start.

Requests : Are open! Check the rules over here.

Want to support me financially? Here’s my CashApp!

Masterlist

For a man like Lucien Xu, nothing he did was ever as simple as it seemed. The concept of being so multi-faceted applied itself to all aspects of his life; his research never targeted just one scientific area or one single hypothesis, his words of advice were never suited for just one situation, and his actions were never quite what they seemed and never had one clear motive. This enigma that he was shrouded in and infinite slyness also slipped through in his love life, as was to be apparent to me further down the line, seeing as half of his softly spoken words and carefully done actions had hidden messages.

Lucien's method of approach was oh-so-subtle that even I, in such close proximity to him, didn't notice for months. It was in the simplest things he did that just slipped past me---but come to think of it now, he was awfully sweet not being blunt about it.

***

"Where are you off to now, sweetheart?" his voice was gentle so as not to startle me, but somehow I still jumped with my hand halfway on the doorknob, as if I subconsciously felt guilty for what I was about to do.

Sheepishly smiling, I gave him an honest reply, "Just wanted to buy some groceries. We're seriously lacking fruits and veggies in our fridge."

What I'd certainly expected was a surprised look to be etched onto his face, considering that I'd never considered myself the most avid health-nut. Hell, I never thought too hard about what I stomached because of how hectic my schedule had always been; most of the time I was eating just as a source of nutrition and almost never out of enjoyment of the meal itself.

However, a recent acne break-out had had me tugging at my hair in frustration, and it didn't take a genius to figure out that one of the most probable reasons behind it was the fact that I often indulged in late night snacks when both Lucien and I were engrossed in our work. As the spots increased in both size and number, no doubt egged on by stress, I increasingly felt like I wanted to crawl out of my own skin, and since that certainly wasn't possible, what I could do was cut down on the sweet vices and resort to healthier (albeit far less enjoyable) snacks.

But for some odd reason, my husband paid me no mind.

Lucien turned back to his morning paper, not giving much thought into his words as he offered, "I'll come with, we're all out of your favorite chocolate and my white tea anyways."

"I don't think that's a good idea," I began to nervously pick at my skin, unaware of what I was doing, watching as Lucien still set down his glasses and the folded newspaper on the coffee table, making his way towards me, "It's not good for my skin---"

"Nonsense," he briskly brushed my interjection off, slipping on his shoes, "All's good in moderation. What isn't good is to ban yourself from occasionally indulging in the things you like," turning to me as he opened the door, he gave me that gentle smile of his that had his eyes turning into crescent moons, "Shall we? Any later and we'll end up stuck in morning traffic."

There wasn't a hint of aggression in his words nor his voice, and yet somehow they were spoken with finality that had me sighing helplessly and following after him.

***

Days came and went, and I was still yet to pick up on his slyness, even when I was forced to go on an impromptu shopping trip for Anna's vow renewal over the weekend (which had, rather expectedly, gone completely over my head) and he'd invited himself to come along with me since it was his day off anyways.

He kept himself entertained with picking clothes while I took the liberty of trying them on, but the current predicament I was facing in the almost claustrophobia-inducing fitting room was that nothing seemed to look right anymore.

Perhaps the fact that I'd been cooped up at home and the office working for hours on end without being able to squeeze in any exercise in between was to blame? Or maybe it was because of me resorting to junk food when I was too tired to whip something up in the kitchen and Lucien was stuck at the research center until godly hours? Well, for whatever reason it was, I was rather put off by the way all the blouses I would've normally fawned over were too snugly fit around me.

Turning around to inspect every inch of every top I picked, I frowned deeper as I grew more and more disheartened, the frustration I was feeling causing me to huff as the more I stared the more my size bothered me; like an itch that just wouldn't go away.

"Sweetheart?" I could hear his inquisitive voice from the other side of the door separating us, "Is something wrong?"

"Nothing much," I grumbled, my voice coming out a bit muffled as I slipped out of a particularly pretty chiffon blouse in my favorite color, wistfully staring at it as I hooked it once again to the hanger, "Just nothing looks good on me right now, so I'm kinda put off, you know?"

As I opened the door, I found him standing right in front of me, "No, I really don't know, I don't think there's a single outfit you wouldn't pull off amazingly," despite how honeyed his words might've seemed, there wasn't a hint of flirtation hidden in them; his tone was as deadpan as though he were stating a fact, "I think that chiffon blouse would look beautiful on you, seeing as that color really suits you," he didn't even bother waiting for a reply from me, simply opting to pluck the top from my hands and briskly walking off to the cashier, "Come on, knowing you you'll still need some time at home figuring out the make-up look you want to settle on."

With a chuckle, I followed after him as he began to pull out his credit card, a serene smile on his face as I gave his free hand a firm squeeze of thanks, my thoughts already distracted by a dozen make-up ideas that I remembered seeing on an artist's blog a while back.

***

The third time his intentions had slipped past my notice was sometime during the colder winter nights, when Lucien and I were keeping ourselves decently warm at an indoor party, clad in heavy clothes and wrapped in a million scarves and hats we could barely hear anyone speak.

Despite all that, Lucien seemed to be enjoying himself very much as he carried conversations with colleagues with ease, the pleasant lilt in his voice attracting everyone, even myself. However, after a few minutes of trying to listen in and realizing that I was struggling to make head or tail of anything they were discussing, I began to tune them out, feeling significantly worse about my own capabilities and intelligence. The gap between my husband and I was just far too large for me to be oblivious to, and the sudden epiphany struck me like a knife to the chest.

Seeing as I was his plus one to this get-together, I couldn't just up and leave without the risk of publicly embarrassing him---something I wouldn't dare to do, given how highly he was regarded by society and fellow scientists in his field of work. Feeling rather inadequate while sitting beside such a renownedly brilliant man as Lucien, I began to fiddle with the loose threads at the end of my skirt, my mind going blank and all thoughts replaced with a hint of sorrow.

I hadn't even noticed that I'd begun to hunch my back over and I wouldn't have, if it weren't for the calming voice in my ear that snapped me out of it.

"What's on your mind? You haven't spoken much all night," there was mild concern laced in his words, but not enough to upset me.

I looked up to find his violet eyes peering at me, and I could only give a half-smile back, "I'm sorry, I'm just really lost 'cause I have no idea what you're talking about."

The second I replied, he reached out to gently pat the top of my head, the weight of his hand resting on me very grounding. That beautifully reassuring smile of his crossed his features once again.

"My little fool, you should've just said so," he chuckled helplessly, "You act as if you don't know that nothing brings me greater joy than explaining things that interest you."

As he began to stroke my hair, I mumbled under my breath, "Didn't want to embarrass you."

Nothing seemed to ever take him aback, not even this comment. Instead, all he did was kiss my forehead in a surprisingly affectionate manner and spoke once again in that leveled voice of his.

"You couldn't even if you tried."

And then he was off, launching into a detailed yet somehow perfectly simplified lengthy explanation of the topics they'd been discussing, before I could even as much as utter a word of thanks.

***

Despite thinking that I could put up that front for so long, I should've known better than to believe that such a tangled web of lopsided smiles and half-assed laughs would hide how I truly felt for too long.

It's not that I was being fake on purpose or anything of the sort; I hated to think that I was tricking Lucien into thinking I was someone I was not... but for some reason, I felt absolutely mortified to show how deeply ingrained my insecurities went. They expanded and took over every inch of my life, rendering me helpless at times I thought I had full control. My intrusive thoughts lunged at me when I least expected it, and I thought that I was doing a fairly good job protecting my husband from them.

Alas, an act can only be put up for so long before the truth is revealed, as I was soon to come to realize.

Being home alone guaranteed me the safety of being able to allow all the horrible thoughts to eat up at my insides. It was sick, being satisfied with and even liking the fact that I could let myself do that without worrying about slipping up in front of Lucien. I was giving my pile of insecurities permission to penetrate every bit of my mind, and as much as I knew it was a terribly destructive habit, I couldn't bring myself to stop them.

My heart ached in my chest as I lay curled up on the bed, tangled in a mess of sheets in the darkness of our bedroom. The only light was that of the moonlight flitting in through the blinds and barely touching on the scattered objects in the room, providing just enough vision for me to try and ground myself. I wasn't even actively trying to stop the onslaught of nasty ideas circulating in my mind; as a matter of fact, I was almost welcoming them, a chiding voice in my head telling me that I deserved to hear what I felt was the truth, and that I shouldn't run away from the reality of things.

Utter hatred for my own self and my state of mind crept upon me, and I couldn't bite back the choked sobs that tumbled from my lips. Clutching at the pillowcase so hard that I was close to ripping it apart, I had to squeeze my eyes shut in a pathetic attempt to completely forget my surroundings and melt into the mattress, as if that would make things any better. So caught up in my own little world of loathing and self-deprecation, I failed to notice the sound of footsteps in the chilly room, too busy shivering and bawling my eyes out.

In spite of that, I wasn't startled by the fact that the bed had dipped beside me. I had completely lost track of time while I was wallowing in my self-pity, so it certainly was to be expected that Lucien would at some point make it home during my crying-fest.

For a long while he didn't speak, and I felt too shameful to bother stopping my tears at this point. My 'secret' was out in the open, and there was no use in lying about it, so I just let him be. His hand was deftly fingering through my hair, tenderly caressing in a languid, unrushed manner. The solemn atmosphere mixed with his gentle touch caused my crying to slowly cease, sobs being reduced to measly hiccups and the occasional whimper, quickly being replaced by a hollowness in my chest. It wasn't any better, but it wasn't any worse at the very least.

I knew he wouldn't broach the topic unless I was the one to initiate conversation; it was just who he was. He was far too careful to just throw caution into the wind and risk me pushing him away for being too nosy---though, in all honesty, if he were to ever directly ask me about anything I'd spill all my darkest secrets. That was the thing about him that had stuck throughout all these years: he was far too comforting of a presence to hide anything from him.

I don't know what prompted me to speak then. For whatever reason, I just blurted out the words lingering on my tongue.

"I feel like shit about myself."

"I know."

Taking in a shuddering breath, I went on, "I try to act like it's not a big issue, but it's constantly on my mind, the feeling that I'm never enough."

"I know."

"And I have to give myself a million pep talks before I can even think of doing or saying anything out of fear of putting you or anyone else off," I began to ramble, unaware of the fact that a terribly sad look had settled on Lucien's features as he hovered above me, "I pray and hope that one day I'll wake up and I'll magically think higher of myself all of a sudden, but every day I'm hit with the feeling of never being enough because of any shortcomings I have," my hold on the pillow tightened once more as the hand on top of my head stilled, though the weight was still reassuring, "I try to get through every day things without fussing too much over details, but it gets harder and harder to breathe whenever I find myself falling short of the standards I want to reach."

"I know."

Clenching my fists, I dared to look up at those unfathomable violet eyes that seemed awfully shiny to be anything other than burdened with emotions.

"Then how do you," I choked a bit on my words, before trying again, "How do you deal with me? Day in and day out?"

Shaking his head, he reached out to pull me into his chest, his arms tightening around me so I was impossibly close.

"Silly," his voice from above me was much thicker than I was used to, "I never see it as dealing with you. When you put it like that, you're implying that you're some sort of burden, and that couldn't possibly be farther from the truth," he laughed a breathy laugh, "I want to be with you. In sickness and in health, in joy and in sadness. The fact that your heart feels heavier than others means that there's just more of you to love harder."

Tugging at his loose tie, I barely manged to look him in the eyes with my blurry vision and boiling frustration at myself, "But Lu, it's not your job to take care of me---"

"You're right, it really isn't, so that should be a clear indication of just how much I genuinely want to give you all the love I have," he pressed on, his eyes firm as they'd always been when it came to matters he took more seriously than anything, "I don't force myself to do things. Not anymore. Everything I do for you, I do willingly and with intent. Alright?"

Seeing my wary expression and watery eyes hesitate as they flit back and forth between his strikingly handsome face and a distant point, Lucien's large hands slowly made purchase on my cheeks, cupping my face as he made sure I could read no doubt in his own eyes, even in the room that only received a sliver of moonlight.

"When I mention that you look beautiful, I have no reason for flattery. We're well past the courting stage for that to even be a useful tactic," he gave me a lop-sided smile, inching even closer to me on the bed, "When I tell you how highly I think of you, that's brutal honesty, because I've never truly valued much in my life, and you were among the very rare exceptions," expression growing solemn, he went on, "It's rather odd, but I had no sense of living without aim, until you came waltzing into my life once more," deft thumbs began to gently wipe away at the stray tears that escaped my eyes, "Everything was a drab shade of black, white, or gray, but since your reappearance as someone I truly cherished, everything just burst into a flurry of colors. And I can't be more grateful for you, my love."

The overwhelming urge to fling myself in his arms and burrow myself a home against his chest won against the need to hide away from his words. A raging inferno of complex emotions was bubbling inside of me, and I couldn't help but choke at their intensity, wanting nothing more than to say something, anything at all to reply to him. Alas, words failed me and drowned in my throat, and all I could do was cry silently as my body shook. Lucien's warm palms were rubbing my back soothingly, and his voice was almost angelic when he spoke once more.

"I know things won't suddenly heal over, but I know for a fact that every inch of you is loved by me, and I will never give up on pushing you onto the path of self-love," his arm finally settled to hook itself around my waist, while his other hand nestled the back of my head, giving him enough space to press the sweetest of kisses against my temple, and while the cacophony of screaming voices in my head didn't mute themselves instantaneously, I could sense their voices growing a bit fainter, for the time being at least, "And I won't stop until you can see for yourself exactly why I love you so fiercely, alright darling? That's a promise."

And knowing him, Lucien Xu, as incredibly elusive and conniving as he often was, had a knack of keeping promises and seeing them through right until the very end. Even as I clutched his shirt so dearly in the dark room, desperation clinging onto my heart, I was sure that Lucien would be there by my side on the road to feeling comfortable in my own skin. It really was only a matter of time as long as I had my wonderful husband by my side.

Taglist: @thispersoniscrazy

[fictionalrambles]

Shadowhunters Fandom Story - Part Fifteen

Submitted by jwrites_

Five Favourite Fics:

1. What's It Gonna Be by @lemonoclefox

Why I love this fic: I'm a sucker for Pride & Prejudice. San was able to take that dynamic and put it all in a modern day telling of it. I can't count how many times I've read this. Sometimes I read it all the way through, other times I go and find my favorite parts just to get that rush of emotions it never fails to give. The enemies to lovers is done perfectly, the dialogue is great and flows seamlessly, the way she tied in the storyline between Simon, Isabelle, Valentine, and Alec together was genius. I truly love every word of this story.

Favorite scene: Awkward - love - confession - in -  the -  rain

Favorite quote(s):

(Yes. Love confessions are great but have you ever overheard someone say something rude about you and then have the opportunity later that same night to be able to casually call that person out for their comment?)

"Her friend is..." He trails off, as though searching for the word, and Magnus can imagine him gesturing in the meantime. "Interesting," Jace eventually settles on, pointedly.

"Who, that Bane guy?" Alec says, and as he does, Magnus is hit with a wave of intrigued surprise. Does Alec like men? Interesting. The assumption could be wrong, of course, but Jace's tone implies that that's why he's mentioning it. "He's a bit over the top, don't you think?"

He sounds almost disdainful as he says it, as though Jace's mere suggestion is laughable, and Magnus's intrigue immediately shifts to offended annoyance. He straightens a little where he stands, reluctantly affected by it.

--

"I mean, love songs are great," Magnus admits lightly. "But stringing a few pretty words together does seem a bit unoriginal when everyone does it."

Simon shoves him lightly in offense, and Magnus can't help but laugh.

"Then what do you suggest?" Magnus is taken completely by surprise when he realizes that it's Alec who's speaking, and he turns to him. The guy's expression is neutral, but seems genuinely curious.

"Oh, I don't know," Magnus says, swirling his drink around in his glass. He shrugs. "I suppose I'm more a fan of showing and not telling. I'd much prefer someone showing interest in what I like and who I am, than comparing my eyes to the night sky, and whatnot." He gestures airily, then hesitates. He suddenly can't seem to stop himself, the memory of the Lightwoods' overheard conversation bubbling to the surface. "I think most people can appreciate that. Even if some of us are a bit over the top."

--Okay...I'm gonna go ahead and throw in a love confession~

"Look, I don't expect anything from you," he says, as though the words are hard to say. "You've made your feelings pretty clear, and I respect that. But I heard you talked to my mom, and with the stuff you said to her... I guess it just kind of made me a bit hopeful, or something. A bit." He clears his throat, while Magnus just listens. He turns to watch Alec's profile as the young man struggles to find the words, eyes on the view in front of him. "Either way, I'll admit that how I feel hasn't really changed. Maybe it should have, but..."

Alec shakes his head, and Magnus feels his throat go dry. He wants to interrupt Alec, wants to say and show everything that's bursting out of his chest, but he waits. Alec takes a deep breath then, turns to him. He looks determined.

"If you want me to," he says steadily, "I'll go. I'll leave you alone, I promise. You won't hear from me again." He pauses, licks his lips. "But if you don't want me to, if something has changed since last time, somehow... I'd really like to know. Because that would be pretty great."

2. 42 North 71 West by @lecrit​

Why I love this fic: I was blessed with the opportunity to witness Lu working on this fic from its conception to its end. I was there and still I am blown away at the way she was able to work the time jumps. I remember thinking with every chapter I read, 'Wow. The way she is telling this story is amazing. She is amazing.' Lu has a way of presenting so much honesty in her characters. She writes them in a way that feels so real, that you can't help but understand their fears and hesitations even though it hurts. The story is a back and forth told through scenes set in the past and present. You get to see what they were and where they are. The story is beautifully heartbreaking. And she was able to make me enjoy a story that dealt with politics? What? Sorcery, I tell you. -- also, the bench.

Favorite scene: This was almost impossible to choose and I took way too long trying to pinpoint just one. But I'm going to go with one that I hold very dear. When Magnus goes to visit Alec on his birthday and he finds Alec playing the song he only plays when he's sad. That's all I'm going to say because I don't want to spoil~

Favorite quote(s):

“Magnus,” Alec breathes out.

The name feels almost foreign, as if he hadn’t uttered it in too long and now his mind is troubling to catch up with his mouth. Still, it manages to make Alec’s heart stutter.

--

“We should’ve stayed on that bench in Boston,” he murmurs.

--

The good thing is, he knows where to go to find his way back. It is inked on his body, engraved into his soul, sealed into his heart.

3. Lead The Way by Clockworkswan

Why I love this fic: Because it takes the wonderful adventure of Doctor Who and packs it in with Malec. This is the ultimate fun and feel good but you will also cry at one point fic. I always go back to it if I want a wonderfully written Doctor Magnus and his adorable companion Alec. Seriously, even if you're not into Doctor Who, give this fic a shot. It's written in a way that you will get so caught up in the adventure that you won't even realize it's based on something else. And if you're a Doctor Who fan, you're in luck with all the little Easter Eggs Heather left throughout.

Favorite scene: I really don't want to spoil anything. The planet of Ablorix. This will mean nothing if you don't read the fic (so you should ;])

Favorite quote(s):

Magnus extends a hand. It’s just like before, when they were in the hallway a couple of weeks ago. It’s just as inviting as it was the first time.

“How about it, pretty boy? Name a star. Any one will do. Or a date,” Magnus says. The double meaning is evident when he winks. He pauses then, and his expression shifts, growing solemn.

A clear shift in his demeanour happens. Magnus turns from playful to sincere in the blink of an eye. Although, there was also a serious tone to it. Magnus looks at him, and understanding eyes meet Alec’s hesitant ones. “Alexander, you seem like a man in need of a break, and I am very much a man in need of a friend. Adventures are always a quick way in figuring out what you want. What do you say?”

What does he say?

He says yes.

Of course Alec does.

--

Before Magnus can think of a good retort, he tries to ignore the clenching ache his stomach gives at the sight of a confident, smirking Alec Lightwood watching him so openly. He settles for pointing in a random direction. “I have to go and see a dog about a man. Meet back here in five?”

“Uh, isn’t the expression, ‘see a man about a dog’?”

“Not when the dog ran off with the man’s wife. A rather big scandal, it seems. The president wants me to try and step in. Smooth things over, so to speak.”

At that, Alec just stares blankly.

Magnus holds up a finger. “Yes, this is normal for me. No, you may not come along. Go.”

4. Love & Other Drugs prequel of Our Love Is A Harsh Chord in the Semi-charmed Kind Life series by @la-muerta​

Why I love this fic: I'm kind of cheating here by listing two fics but they're a package deal. Love & Other Drugs was a smutty one-shot that left me wanting

more...

backstory. Let me tell you the pining and 'unrequited' love between those two demanded a story to be written. Which is why when la_muerta ran a poll on whether or not she should start it or another series first, I campaigned for this one like it was my job (I lost but I still got the series eventually so did I really lose?) The writing in this and with all of la_muerta's fics will hook you. The sadness over the back and forth between them is done so well. It's angst that will grip you and hold onto you until you eventually finish. Just go on the twitter hashtag of #OLIAHCfic and see my screaming.

Favorite scene: Probably the LSD scene.

Favorite quote(s):

Alec was still here, in bed with him.

How many times had Magnus wished that he could wake up with Alec in his arms? He didn't dare to move, wanting the dream to last a little longer, but Alec was already stirring.

--

he'll wonder if life would be a little easier if he wasn't hopelessly in love with Magnus, but it is a fact of who he is now: Alec Lightwood is 6'3, has dark hair, is gay, and is in love with Magnus Bane.

--

They are lying next to each other now, turned on their sides and face to face. The world is no longer warped and weird, but glowing and perfect. Magnus is tracing a path of lightning down Alec's body with his fingertips, and in a moment of clarity Alec understands that in Magnus' eyes he is as beautiful as he thinks Magnus is (it is the first thing Alec forgets when he wakes up sober later).

--

Words aren't enough to express how he feels, but they've always understood each other better when clumsy words don't get in the way.

5. The Lonely Hearts Hotline by @unrestrainedlyexcessive​

Why I love this fic: It's funny, it's endearing, it's heart wrenching, it's sexy, etc. The way Alec is written in this fic is one of my favorite characterizations. The way his situation can resonate with so many young adults today. That feeling when you're an adult and you feel like you should know what to do with your life and who you should be but the truth is, you're still just as lost as always. Being an adult sucks tbh and even when you're an adult, sometimes life doesn't quite feel like it. Alec's character and growth in this fic is beautiful. (I also really loved Jace in this fic)

Favorite scene: A tough choice. Probably the office party and follow up scene in Magnus' office.

Favorite quote(s):

The problem with being a new grad, in general, is that the world and job force demands you have experience, but you have to live a certain number of productive years on the planet to gain that experience.

Early adulthood is no man's land. You don’t have the experience to matter and no one wants to pay you to gain it, hence how he ended up in the precarious situation he’s in: dodgy sex work by night, an even dodgier roommate, and desperately hoping an internship eventually turns into an actual paying job.

--

Magnus runs his tongue down the knobs of Alec's spine. "You're so beautiful," he says, pausing.

"I'm really not," Alec insists, eyes fluttering closed.

"Why are you so kind to everyone except yourself?"

"I'm a work in progress."

"Aren't we all?"

[ultraclops]

Semi-Live Blogging: Finale Time!

With reaction images this time!

Adoradad

TRAINING EXERCIIISE

Adorabat's practicing her screaming! Bet that's gonna come in handy later.

"Fneh!" Wow what an introduction Eugene

His design is like? Really cool?? He looks practically nothing like Adorabat tho. And why does he have a spade on his stomach instead of a heart??

Badgerclops drew him with a giant ass mustache lol.

Adorabat takes banjo lessons? More importantly, Eugene thought she was at a banjo lesson FOR 8 MONTHS?!

"She scares me" lol

Adorabat ran away from home? Why?

"I thought you were a ward of the state!" Remember when everyone thought Adorabat was an orphan? Yea.

"I thought you were my conscience!" Badgerclops...you've lived with Adorabat for a year...went to her school...AND YOU THOUGHT SHE WAS A PIECE OF YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS?!

...why did Badgerclops use Adorabat as monster bait...

I expected to hate Eugene but he's actually really cute and interesting?? Aside from the fact he thinks Mao Mao & Badgerclops are criminals. Love to see him again sometime!

Wow her dad has a whole badass mansion!! Why doesn't she just stay there...

Oh...her mom died...that's why he's so protective of her and was so upset when she left. Also her mom looks amazing & I wanna see a flashback episode with her. For some reason I can imagine her sounding like a deeper version of Scoops?

Aww Adorabat's room is super cool! Also Eugene cracking the door for her asfgjkl

"Do you think that monsters attacking the city are gonna - wait, does that have peanut butter in it? " (Cuts to MM & BC eating ice cream while crying) That's a perfectly rational reaction to losing your adoptive daughter

"I can keep it together!" (Cut to Mao Mao trying and failing to shovel ice cream in his mouth with his helmet on) NSADGEDHAMADH

Wait a second. Mao's eating mint chocolate chip ice cream. ISN'T CHOCOLATE TOXIC TO CATS?!

"But you said I was part of the team!!" "Then you're...off the team."

Adorabat crying while showing Eugene the picture OUCH MY HEART...

"I used to go exploring in those caves with Mom all the time..." I'm guessing those are the caves from the promo?

"She wasn't afraid of anything!" " Well Adorabat definitely takes after her mother...

"And then one day, Sonara didn't come back with you." Ooh her name's Sonara!! Pretty!! I can't tell if they chose it cuz it sounds like Sonar or because it means "pleasant sounding"

Glad to see Adorabat's still a die-hard metal fan, even with Eugene

Oof Mao isn't taking this well at ALL if he's pretending Adorabat's molt is her...

OOH SHIT ADORABAT RAN OFF TO THE CAVES - wait a minute no she didn't. OH NO EUGENE WENT TO THE CAVES

Ooh there's Sonara's looking glass, bet that's gonna be important

Yay Adorabat saved her dad!

Damn Adorabat must be super traumatized after basically watching her mother die. No wonder she tried to murder Boba-Chan!

Oh the only way to stop the monster is by screaming!

(Mao Mao hears Adorabat scream) "ADORABAT?!" ADOPTIVE DAD POWERS ACTIVATE

Ooh her mother's figure appears over her when she says she's not afraid of anyone...maybe her spirit's inside of her or something?

REVENGE TIME BAYBEY

HOLY SHIT ADORABAT FUCKING MURDERED THAT THING

Eugene & Adorabat both apologized to each other I...

"You can't just leave without the most fearless member of the group!" YAAY ADORABAT'S BACK (Also how are we gonna explain to Eugene Adorabat's scared of the dark?)

"I'll mess 'em up real good! So good, their mommies and daddies won't be able to recognize them when I'm done..." Daaammmnnn...

"She scares me :)"

I wonder...is Sonara really dead? Or are they gonna pull a Kipo & have her still be alive but in a different form?

Badge-A-Fire explosion

Uhh...where is Badgerclops? And why is Mao Mao on the top bunk?!

Of course Badgerclops is petty enough to install a fake monster alarm on his laptop to wake Mao Mao and Adorabat up.

"This is a super-serious work meeting, as you can see by the fact that I haven't provided any snacks!" No snacks?! This must be a serious issue!! /s

"As you know, I am a creative genius. Sometimes there's so much natural creative genius that my brain overloads, and I enter a heightened state that I call 'Ultra Focus'..." Oh so basically like hyperfixation?

"...where I break into a creative sprint, inventing super-advanced technology at supernatural speeds, unparalleled by anyone in the entire field of science." Okay maybe only a LITTLE bit like hyperfixation...wait a second, IS THAT WHY BADGERCLOPS IS SO TIRED ALL THE TIME?!

Uhh did he get his arm stuck in the front door? HE TOOK THE AEROCYCLE?!

"...I forget everything the next morning." Remember my headcanon that Badgerclops represses his memories? Yea...

"Which is why it's not my fault and I don't think I should be criticized :D" TBH I screamed with laughter at this scene solely because of the expression he made

...HE GAVE THE SKY PIRATES THE GEM CELL?! I mean he clearly wasn't thinking right when he did it BUT STILL?!

"Oh hey, I told you I'd use that weird elevator thing!" Dude you LITERALLY used it in Ultraclops. What are you talking about.

"If the Sky Pirates had the Gem Cell, they would've used it already!" That is a fair point ngl.

Umm...did Badgerclops give Adorabat a BOMB?!

Tbh if my friend woke me up in the middle of the night with weird-looking eyes and handed me a timer while saying something about an explosion I would DEFINITELY not go back to sleep afterwards...

I'm sorry, IS THE WHOLE VALLEY GONNA BLOW UP?! WHAT THE HELL DID HE MAKE?!

Mao wiping Badgerclops' tears I'm

A paper towel dispenser? Well that's not that bad - IS THAT A GIANT PAIR OF PANTS?!

Ooh it's not a shock collar it's a translator!! That makes a bit more sense... "I HAVE NO REMORSE OR CONCEPT OF EMPATHY!" ...if the monster doesn't have remorse or empathy how does it know what those words mean...

Badgerclops keeps telling Mao Mao & Adorabat not to criticize him...hmm...I wonder who criticized his inventions that made him that way...*cough* HIS MOM *cough*

"Are all your inventions this weird?!" "YOU'RE WEIRD!!"

IM SORRY DID BADGERCLOPS BUILD A DANCING MACHINE INTO MAO MAO'S BONES?! HIS BONES?! AND HE MADE ADORABAT A SECOND MEGAPEG?!

What in the absolute hell is going on dgaadhdagdadga

Okay but when Badgerclops clutched his head and started shaking when Mao Mao asked why he made those things...I FELT THAT IN MY HEART I FELT THAT IN MY SOUL

Ngl this scene really hit home for me cuz that's how I act when I have a breakdown...

The timer went off but nothing blew up - WAIT, IS THAT A REPLICA OF MECHA HOSSORAFFASNAKEARANG?!

"Initializing Totally Humane Knockout Procedure." (Proceeds to slam the Sheriff's Dept. into the ground) ajdajdgdad

Ooh...ohh they're on some sort of water park...ride...thing??

"And if I didn't want us to get out, then I made sure we couldn't...with super-strong shoe things." But there isn't any on Adorabat, can't she just squeeze herself out?

Ooh I'm getting Pirates of the Caribbean vibes

There's the Gem Cell, it must be powering the ride! Also the robotic arm slaps Mao's hand the same way Mao slaps Badgerclops' hand in Flyaway skkkk

"My amazing creativity is finally gonna destroy us all..." "Hey, at least we'll be destroyed together!" Fair point, fair point

The shoosh returneth

"I always loved inventing." So he was an inventor ever since he was little? Daww.

YOUNG BC IS SO ADORABLE!! He has a lil medical patch instead of an eyepatch which is def more accurate to real life...but what's the vest for? Protection in case he falls? A pressure stim?

That figure's def his mom since they rejected his ideas & he mentions she was mean to him. Also the theory that his mom's a villain seems a bit stronger since they straight-up hand him a tool kid + a set of blueprints with no regard to his safety...

"Also there was a bunch of other kids at school and some other people throughout my life who mocked me relentlessly." THEN WHY'D YOU TELL ADORABAT YOU COULDN'T RELATE TO HER WHEN SHE SAID NO ONE WANTED TO BE HER FRIEND?! (Also I noticed literally all the kids are other badgers, so I'm assuming Badgerclops grew up sheltered like Mao Mao did.)

So the Ultra Focus is basically a really weird coping mechanism to deal with all the abuse and bullying he went through? Holy fuckkk

"They only made fun of you because they were jealous. Happened to me my whole life!" Umm...

"Even the dance chip I surgically implanted in your brain?" Excuse me the dance chip that you WHAT

"I love you-" HE SAID IT 💗💓💗💓

"I'm finally around people who love and understand me..."

Wait did the cannon misfire? DID IT BLOW A HOLE IN THE GROUND?!

OH HE ACTUALLY DID CREATE AN ANIMATRONIC BAND?! I THOUGHT IT WAS A JOKE!!

"Take it away, Boss Hosstritch!" (Distorted garbling)

Oof Mao caught all the water

"We hope you all enjoyed being Badgerclops' friend." 💞💕💞💕

Not that anyone cares but I noticed there's a picture of some of the Sweetypies on the monitors, meaning 1. Badgerclops tested it out using them first, or 2. Badgerclops just likes those Sweetypies for whatever reason. Tho that makes me wonder why he'd choose Pinky of all people...

THE SKY PIRATES WERE INSIDE THE ANIMATRONICS THE WHOLE TIME?! THE MAN BEHIND THE SLAUGHTE

Zing Your Heart Out

Why are they giving out rotten sushi??

"HOW DARE YOU LAUGH AT ME EATING SOMETHING GROSSLY?!"

Ooh god Chester's gonna be super freaking annoying in this episode, I can feel it.

"What's blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint!" BAYBEY

Jesus what a prick. GET HIM MAO MAO

Ngl that background's really pretty...

Oooh no the Ruby Pure Heart's being weird again. Ooh no.

FUCK YEA ROAST HIM BABY - Did Adorabat's eyes turn purple because the Ruby Pure Heart gave her powers?

Oh so the siren in Badgerclops' robo-arm is a backup monster alarm?

More Sky Pirates - and the Pure Heart's being weird again...

"I'd tell you but despite your height it'd go right over your HEAD!" Asdfgghjjk

"For someone with two brains, you're not very BRIGHT!" EVEN BETTER

Kevin said he was raising money for a school trip, then for a trip to the hospital...which one is he raising money for?!

"SILENCE PANCAKE, LEST YE BE BUTTERED"

OOH NO SHE ATTACKED MAO AND BC

"IT FEELS LIKE THE WEIGHT OF ONE THOUSAND PLANETS!!"

"One second, I'm getting mad, and the next thing you know-" Is she freaking possessed??

Wait, is the Pure Heart TALKING to Adorabat?! How?!

Cluckins you don't ask people what's wrong with their eyeballs...even if there is something wrong with their eyeballs

"I CAN'T FEEL MY SELF-RESPECT!!"

The pure 'oh shit' on Marion's face when Adorabat turns to her

Half of the people she insulted showed up to her party! Didn't that mean she loved them?!

Oh god not this bitch again - nvm, thanks Adorabat

"Taking over the castle and ruling Pure Heart Valley forever does sound nice..." This is starting to remind me of that one AU where Adorabat turns evil, becomes the ruler of the Sky Pirates, then convinces them to kill Snugglemagne and becomes the queen of Pure Heart...she isn't gonna kill Snugglemagne, is she?

What did Adorabat tell Snugglemagne?! I WANNA KNO

Why is Pinky stealing teeth...reminds me of this

NO BC DON'T EAT THE TEETH

"I...hate myself! Therefore, I'm invincible!" So the trick to not getting your ego destroyed...is to not have an ego. Sounds reasonable.

"Your bug platter, my king?" Genderfluid Adorabat rights

"Mao Mao, your head looks like a CROW!" (Mao Mao caws) IT WAS A LIE HE ISN'T A CAT HE WAS A CROW THIS WHOLE TIME-

"It looks like a half-melted ice cream cone!!" That is...a strange way to describe your own neck...

"Well, I'm...bad (◡‿◡)" Kinda weird that the canonically depressed character can't even cleverly insult himself

...why does Adorabat's skin smell like old cantaloupe

OH SHE IS POSSESSED!!

HOLY SHIT MAO WAS GONNA FUCKING MURDER ADORABAT TO SAVE THE KINGDOM?! THANK GOD HE SAW HER JOKE BOOK, HOLY SHIT

Positivity outweighs negativity!

"WHERE DOES A 800 POUND GORILLA SIT?!" "Where ever it wants!◝(⁰▿⁰)◜" Curse you for making me laugh...

OOH NO THE JOKEBOOK! - Wait nvm Mao remembers Adorabat's jokes!

I think the reason they used that joke is because it represents Mao Mao and Adorabat - Adorabat is blue, and she wants to be like Mao Mao, who wears red. What is BLUE, and smells like (is similar to) RED paint?

YAAAY HE BROKE HER FREE FROM MIND CONTROL!! And did BC get Thanos snapped in the background?

"Thank goodness you're alright! We almost..." Fucking murdered you? Yea

"Might we have our crown and kingdom back, yes?"

"Sorry for being such a monster today." "You're a monster everyday." Is that a joke because she was today's villain, a reference to Sleeper Sofa or foreshadowing?

I hope Mao Mao and Badgerclops decide to investigate what's up with the Heart in Season Two, cause I highly doubt they'll let Adorabat getting fucking possessed go under the radar.

The visual gag of Mao trying to stomp out his ice cream cone like a cigarette is perfect. This is peak comedy everyone else go home

WHOOP CHESTER'S ASS GUYS

Strange Bedfellows

"So, your name is Boss Hosstrich, but you're not actually the boss?" How long did it take him to realize that

JFC Mao & Orangusnake are REALLY hellbent on killing each other huh...at least the deputies and the other Sky Pirates have common sense.

Hahaha nice Dragon Ball Z reference - and they both got crushed by the monster! Lovely.

...did Mao seriously think he died and went to heaven?

So does Orangusnake breathe through Tanner or do they both breathe independently & Coby can feel when Tanner can't?

Dang those skeletons remind me of the Steven Universe Future episode Growing Pains. And why is Lucky inside of Orangusnake? "THAT WAS MY LUNCH, JERK!" Ooh that's why.

"They're full of these tiny, little cracks or, as they're known in the medical field, 'whoopsie-boo-boos'." AGSADGASGADGDASG

Damn their skeletons are just gonna freaking evaporate huh...

"The doctor said I was very brave :D"

Ooh shit the Deputies and the other Sky Pirates met at the same elevator, are they gonna fight - nevermind, they're still calling time.

JESUS CHRIST ARE MAO & ORANGUSNAKE EVER GONNA STOP?!

"You don't have the guts!" "I have a million guts." That is...mildly concerning

"Yeah, I wanted to be a baker, before I realized I liked hurting people so much." Then why doesn't she just like, help Muffins or something?

Tbh I thought Ratarang was holding a gun and I'm glad it was just a weirdly wrapped banana

CONE OF SHAME. CONE OF SHAME. CONE OF SHAME.

"Aww, y'all shouldn't have - this is empty." "Just like my heart when you injure yourself!!" He loves him sm...💓💓

"Why didn't you bring me weapons?!" "Because this is a hospital, and I'm a good boy (◡‿◡ )"

"I really feel like this could be a turning point in their relationship." (Mao and Orangusnake proceed to try and kill each other again) *sigh*

Ngl Mao & Orangusnake constantly repeating themselves is getting super annoying.

That hospital bed beeping is giving me flashbacks to all the times I went to the hospital for seizures...

"You know y'all could live like this, like, all the time if you didn't go around hurting people, right?" "Pssh! Tsk-tsk, boy. You know I gots to hurt people." Uhh you guys should really listen to Badgerclops he knows what tf he's talking about

UUhh, whose egg is that? "MAMA" ASGagddahDh

Of course they had to land in freaking CEMENT to realize that maybe they shouldn't kill each other

Did Mao just deflate like a ballo- oh nvm there he go.

Boneless Mao. Boneless Mao.

And Mao saved Orangusnake!! By...breaking every bone in his body somehow.

"I'm the kind of hero who wants to save you so I can fight you later...at the right time and place." Just gonna file this along with the credit score scene from Perfect Couple in the 'Orangumao' folder.

Is Badgerclops duct taping Mao to the stretcher? I mean, at least he won't move & hurt himself again but geez

Tbh Zing would’ve made a better finale than this ep. At least it had a sequel hook

[arreisstorm]

BTS' Map Of The Soul: Persona

I am always in a continuous state of shock and awe whenever I even begin to contemplate the in-depth philosophical, psychological, and just overall intellect these boys possess.

Not only have they used various works of literature:

Demian- Wings

The Ones Who Walk from Omelas- Spring Day

but they have also been incorporating theoretical science:

Carl Jung's 4 major archetypes

since the very beginning!

And then to use a music industry as big as K-Pop to highlight the importance of knowledge and connect everything together...

That's beautiful.

It's genius!

So let me try and break some of it down now:

Carl Gustav Jung was a famous psychiatrist and psychotherapist who once proposed the theory that everyone's personality consisted of 4 separate entities:

The Shadow

The Anima/Animus

The Persona

The Self

and it was these 4 traits, or archetypes, that were believed to be the reasoning for why we as individuals developed personalities and certain behaviors. He also theorized that when an individual recognized and experienced all 4 archetypes that it would lead to self-fulfilment. So now let's break this down even further but from BTS' viewpoint.

The Shadow

From their debut through Dark & Wild, you can see that these were more chaotic times for BTS as they were trying to let the world know who they were, yet also trying to remain genuine at the same time. It's hard thing to do because, especially when referring to K-Pop, you are told you have to look, act, and exist in a certain way. You are to be idols and to model what's most popular when it comes to societal influence. This is exactly what Carl meant when he introduced the Shadow archetype. It's known to be the darker side of ourselves; the wildness and chaotic version that we use to try to repress some of our more negative thoughts.

BTS experienced the Shadow because they debuted with this "bad-boy" imagine and basically said F the system! Although they still had their personal beliefs and stances on life, they did kind of let themselves become manipulated by others wishes. Even some of the boys have had regrets towards the way they first acted. I mean RM, then Rap Monster, openly expressed how he wanted to change his name because he felt that title no longer applied to who he was. Same for the rest of the boys. They had just started out and were naive and some easily impressionable, no one should blame them for their early days, I mean I'm sure we all have times we look back on not too fondly as well.

The Anima/Animus

Jung believed the next step after the Shadow was the Anima/Animus, which represents the feminine (Anima) side of male's unconsciousness, while the (Animus) is the masculine side for the female's. This aspect was said to bring order or balance to an individual's life. Because we live in a society that is so concerned with separating one's gender as a way to normalize behavior as a whole, it has become almost impossible for us to have said balance because it is "not acceptable"; however, it's important to have those two separations to a person's behavior because it allows us to have positive and negative aspects for each.

Imagine if you had a man who was nothing but competitive and dominating all the time, yet lacked the nurturing skills of a women when it came to showing compassion towards a child or loved ones. Then imagine on the other hand, there's a women who has all the emotional capacity yet let's herself be pushed around and stepped on because she lacks an assertive nature due to said generosity and compassion. Neither one would be able to make it long in this world because they do not possess the balance from both sides to do so.

Relating this back to BTS, you can see the Anima appearing during the Love Yourself highlight reel, although it wasn't so clear to some until now. Most ARMY or casual supporters of BTS simply thought that these girls that appeared in the video were simply some type of love interest or previous relationship they had because including girls in idol groups' videos is nothing out of the ordinary; however, knowing about the archetype Anima/Animus, I have pieced together that these girls were actually not love interests at all, but they represented the boys' feminine part of their unconsciousness.

The reason I say this is because during the HYYH era MVs, you can see the destructive nature BTS are going through. Whether it be destruction of self or of personal relationships, it's obvious that they are still experiencing the first stage, the Shadow, and in order to move past it they must recognize the next one. The girls in the video are seen when the boys are at their happiest, AKA when they are experiencing balance from the uncertainty surrounding their lives. It is here we can see the growth of each member taking place.

(Photo credit: stussyjimin on Twitter)

The Persona

After we have the Shadow and Anima/Animus we move onto the 3rd stage: the Persona. This archetype is one of the most common ones that people find themselves unable to move past.

Societal constructs yet again have a huge part to play in this because we are constantly seeking validation from others in order to appease our own self-conscious tendencies. You see, the word 'persona' in Latin literary means 'mask', which is appropriate because when we reach this archetype we often force ourselves to wear a mask so that others might accept our perceived truths over the actual ones. Whether it be at work, home, in other public situations, or even online we all make the decisions to put on that mask, contradicting our own beliefs in order to seem likeable. These decisions don't even necessarily have to be life-changing, but any minor ones also alter an individual as a whole.

You see, where the Shadow's job is to let us repress our unacceptable behaviors to appear more relatable, the Persona highlights those new changes to keep up the charade of being accepted from what others expect from us. This could more easily be known as "people-pleasing". In order to reach our next stage the most important thing to keep in mind is that we as humans are not simply a sum of our Personas and we must find our true identity within ourselves.

Again, relating this back to BTS, it reminds me of 2 different concepts: Wings and Love Yourself: Tear.

With Wings, I mostly see it in the solos because each one specifically deals with some kind of pain or sadness due to outside influences. For example, in Jungkook's BEGIN, he mentions how helpless he felt during their debut and then how much it hurt him to see his hyungs going through dark times. In Jimin's LIE, he talks about his struggles with starvation and body imagery and how listening to negativity made him spiral out of control. V's STIGMA explains how he often feels like this absent family member to his brothers because of BTS' busy schedule and his inability to be there for them. Suga's FIRST LOVE expands on his depression and how he almost gave up his dream at one point, also turning his back on his first love which is music. RM's Reflection is almost like a conversation with himself conveying his insecurities and how hard he finds it to love himself because of how he's been perceived in the past. Hobi's MAMA, although the more happier track of them all, serves as a love letter to his mom confessing his hardships as well as how much he appreciates his mom for always having his back. Then finally we have Jin's AWAKE, where he pours his heart out about feeling inadequate compared to everyone else, yet he still is going to try his hardest. The boys showed us their personal struggles and how keeping up these charades for so long would end up tearing them apart. They knew they were missing the final link.

Love Yourself: Tear can also be seen in this way. In fact, RM explained that when writing and designing the concept for one of their most popular tracks from the album, Fake Love, he was trying to communicate the fact that, in life, we constantly find ourselves trying to fill a void in order to deem ourselves as whole, and often times this can be filled with love, but that doesn't specifically have to be about relationships. "We're saying that if you're not true to yourself, your love won't last forever. The love could be person to person, it could be between me and myself,".... "It's kinda deep."

See here he means that love doesn't necessarily have to be about a physical relationship, just like the Persona doesn't just have to be about the relationship you have with others. Even if the simplified version is often seen as "people-pleasing", it can also mean, in an inadvertent way, changing yourself or donning a mask in order to fool your own mind into loving those alterations you've made personally. Learning to love yourself and acknowledging your flaws is the only way to reach the final stage.

(Photo credit: dailyhoping on Twitter)

(YAJR#jkc at aminoapps.com)

The Self

The 4th and final stage to achieving personal fulfillment is known as the Self. This means that after having gone through all other areas of self discovery when reaching this stage there should no longer be any traces of doubts or identity loss left.

According to Jung, the Self is most often represented by the wise man/wise woman, especially when it comes to dreams. He once said that if there was a ever a time when a person dreamed of a wise figure, then it was an indication that self fulfillment is right around the corner. This is a lose interpretation though, it doesn't necessarily have to be an old man or old woman, some even think that people who serve as mentors to an individual, regardless of age, can also fit the profile. In the case of BTS however, I do believe that Jung's original idea was more of the inspiration.

If you recall during one of the trailers for Fake Love, there was the Magic Shop where the boys went to trade in objects for others. The vendor in charge of the shop could be considered as a sort of magician, which just so happens to be another character that is said to represent the Self. So knowing that and then if you see in the video that the objects traded by each boy connects them back to previous storylines, or sticking with Jung's theory, previous archetypes that can be used to remind them of hurt, pain, and darker times. The symbolism of this exchange can be interpreted as the boys relinquishing their previous lost identities to finally take that metaphorical step and receive the solution that will finally lead them to the Self.

Actually, if you look at the next MV that follows Fake Love extended version, you will see that it is the last song from BTS' latest album Love Yourself: Answer, Epiphany. The literal definition of the word 'epiphany' means a sudden realization, revelation, or insight, which in terms of the archetype, the Self, this could be a representation of the defining moment that shows BTS finding the final path to self fulfillment and true happiness. I'm not saying they've 100% reached the very top of the pyramid, but I do think that in deciding to make this the last track on the album, they are also treating the words as a personal message to all of ARMY.

This is their genius way of letting everyone know that the only true solution to achieving that final level of a well-developed Self, you must first experience a culmination of all previous archetypes and then integrate them all alongside the last:

One must learn to express hurt and emotions (the Shadow) before they can find a balance within (the Anima/Animus) to help counteract the mask and preconceptions (the Persona) others make us develop throughout life. It is only then will we be wise (the Self) enough to find the hidden truth.

Final Thoughts:

First of all, I want to say thank you if you made it through this whole post, I know its a little long and I truly appreciate it. 💜

Secondly, I want to reiterate that none of this is to be seen as a concrete answer to BTS concepts, song meanings, or their entire creative process as a whole, this is simply my thoughts and opinions and nothing more. That being said though, I am more than open and willing to hear both your theories on the symbolism BTS uses, as well as any constructive criticism you might have concerning this post. So please feel free to leave a comment ✌

Lastly, I have one more thing to touch base on and that is the recent announcement that was the inspiration behind this post being created in the first place. It's been blowing up the internet since it was first released, but in case you might have missed it, BTS has just dropped their comeback date (April 12th!) and the title is Map of the Soul: Persona.

See because I have such an interest in psychology/philosophy and especially loved studying Jung's work, when I first saw the title, and knowing how intellectual these boys are, I couldn't help myself from thinking that this new era could possibly have ties into Jung's 4 Archetypes. This then brought me to revist everything BTS has done up until now to see if I could be right, and that's when I realized they had already tackled the theory on the down low, or at least for most people; hence why I made this post, I wanted to create this in-depth analysis to help others understand the pure genius aspects that goes into BTS' concepts.

Now with that being said, if this new era and concept truly is going to draw inspiration from Carl Jung and his theories, then the above post is nothing more than a simple a taste of what's to come. Trust me, if it's BTS we are talking about, then everything I've said pales in comparison to what their truly brilliant minds can come up with. Either way I can't wait to see what's in store!!!

Thank you again if you read this and please feel free to share or leave your own comments. I would love to hear what you guys have to say! 💜💜💜

[raining-v-coffee]

Harry Potter Crossover fic recs

*Multichapter    ~my notes

Sherlock

Whispers in Corners

Everything started with a stumble - his new life in a new world as well as his surprisingly successful career as a medium.

Business

The Dursleys didn't raise Harry Potter to be a very good boy.

Mildest of fusions with Sherlock Holmes

Patience Rewards Itself WIP

Sebastian Moran's job was simple this time; 'fix' Vernon Dursley. He was prepped to do it. He had no problem doing it. That is, until he sees an unidentified boy with no record of existence at the residence thrown out of the home. Thus, Harry Potter gains an (admittedly unconventional) family, Jim gets a protégé and Seb just hopes that Harry won't wind up quite as...off as his Dad.

Symphony WIP

Despite all the magic in the world, Harry had never encountered magic like that of a genius mind. A whole family of them was bit overwhelming really.

Naruto

Loyalty

Magic, wonderful, strange and unpredictable magic took note of him and instead of doing the logical thing, acknowledging what he is, carving out a place between all the other wondrous creatures in this world – magic lifted him up instead.And left him somewhere else.

~ I had this story under a different classification. Whoops! Many thanks to mori-esque for letting me know!

Growing Strong

A young Jasmine Potter escapes a terrible home situation by teleporting herself to the Elemental Nations. Against all odds, she will turn her life around, gain family and friends, and finally… Grow Strong. Warning: Abuse in first chapter, mentions of abuse in following ones.

And it’s sequel, Chasing Shadows WIP

~ I adore this series.

Gringotts Partnership Mature

Hermione never imagined the doors opened to her when she accepted a job as a Gringotts ward-creator. When she receives an opportunity to study she cannot pass up on it and is introduced to a young jounin Minato Namikaze. This changes everything.

Harry Potter and the Secrets of Konoha WIP

Instead of sending Harry back to Privet Drive to sit on his thumbs after Voldemort's rebirth, Dumbledore sends him, Ron, and Hermione to a village called Konohagakure to learn how to defend themselves.

Harry & Co are 14 (end of fourth year). Naruto & Co are 12-13 (beginning of canon). Pairings (if any) are undecided, but will not be central.

Beautiful Star (Or: Why Studying Equals Ramen) WIP

After an unfortunate incident with a compromised Portkey and some revenge-obsessed Death Munchers, a barely eighteen years old GWL must learn quickly to navigate the Elemental Countries, as well as to raise her baby godson, the only one who tagged along on her next great adventure. Heavily injured, starving herself to feed the little six-month-old and deathly afraid of the very real threat of death, Harry is ready to give up when an unexpected hand helped her out. Jiraiya - who only a few years prior suffered the loss of his most prized student - can't help himself when he finds the tiny girl trying to survive without a real understanding of the world around her. For her child. Somehow the Hokage thinks she's a perfect care-taker for her new neighbor, a five-year-old boy hated by nearly the whole village. Now what the hell did she get herself into this time?

Of Authors, Books and Fuinjutsu WIP Mature

After the war a bitter and disillusioned Hermione decides to move to the pocket dimension called Elemental countries. Watch how certain Konoha shinobi change the course of her life.

Deer tracks WIP Mature

Harriet Potter has to flee from England better yet, she has to vanish from this World. An acquaintance has a solution for the problem but is she really ready for what this entails? Fem Harry Potter

Doctor Who

Not Not-Human

Cold-case disappearances, gruesome murders, and unexplainable disasters, and a spate of terrorist attacks rocked the UK only to end with an explosion in a tiny village. The Doctor and Rose Tyler followed the trail of the invisible war for years, but never thought their search would lead to a baby with a lightning bolt scar.

The Littlest Time Lord

The Doctor answers a distress call and finds that he is not as alone in the universe as he suspected he was.

Just a Wrong Turn

All libraries are one, which is how one late night in the Hogwarts library, Harry Potter finds himself lost in the library on board the TARDIS...

The Rising Storm *

Harry Potter opens a fob watch, and his life and destiny is changed forever.

The Originals

Die Hoffnung stirbt zuletzt WIP Mature

After Voldemort returned in book 4, Prof. McGonagall decides to ask an old friend for help. 15 years have passed since Dahlia died, so when a owl reaches New Orleans, Elijah gladly comes to the rescue. And while Hermione tries to figure out the secrets of their new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Voldemort is looking for an ally to make the fight even again.

Avatar The Last Airbender

Harry Potter and the Avatar's Return

After finding a torn comic in the trash when told to clean Dudley’s room, four year old Harry Potter puts it together with some odd things that have happened around him, and concludes that he’s the Avatar.

- Not a crossover so much as a fic in which Harry Potter is convinced that Avatar: The Last Airbender is a historical documentary.

Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit

The Dragon of Moria

After the Battle of Hogwarts, Harry Potter helped with the rebuilding and then went back to school, sitting his NEWTS and graduating with the rest of what The Daily Prophet called ‘The Disrupted Class.’ Following that, everyone expected him to become an auror. Harry himself expected it, right up until the moment came to apply to the academy.

He takes up a hobby instead, and it leads him to a whole new world.

This Dream's On Me * WIP

Fili has heard the whispers, between his uncle and his men. There's going to be a quest, a quest to reclaim Erebor and he wants in. The warrior witch he meets in his dreams doesn't seem to think it's a good idea for him to go though. At least, not alone. Eventual FilixFemHarry

The Avengers

Spellist

The new reality had no wizards or magical nations – but it had a whole boatload of powerful and occasionally inept sorcerers. Who were usually semi-public and sometimes very popular in social media. How it worked, Harry had no idea.

~ Harry/Coulson

Valiant *

When Loki's Staff spat out a girl with a lightning bolt scar, HYDRA were not expecting things to go downhill so fast.

They certainly weren't expecting their new unknown to run off with the Winter Soldier.

Real Enough

Harry Potter, JARVIS and whole lot of artificial existentialism.

where there are no keepsakes

She stalks into his office and throws the letter onto his desk. “Returned unopened, Headmaster,” she says.

There isn’t even an address, just the name Harry Potter. “Oh, dear,” Albus murmurs. Then, with barely a glance at her, “Thank you, Minerva. I’ll handle it from here.”

[AU where Harry Potter did not grow up with the Dursleys -- he was raised by Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes]

Son Of The Champion WIP

Fury needs Coulson to do one quick side trip while passing through England, just a check in on a person of interest to S.H.I.E.L.D.

Daredevil

Wizarding 101: Murderous Megalomaniacs and Their Lasting Effects on Children WIP

Before Voldemort set foot inside Godric Hollow, Vernon Dursley died in a car crash. The shock of it sent Petunia into a catatonic state and, thus, into an institution--but once upon a time, Lily and Petunia Evans' mother was a Nelson, and so when Albus Dumbledore lays Harry Potter at the doorstep of Number Four, Privet Drive, it isn't Petunia Dursley that finds him.

It's Matt Murdock and Foggy Nelson.

Ten years later, Harry Jonathan Nelson, of Hell's Kitchen, New York, finds himself a part of a world neither he nor his guardians suspected he was ever a part of, having instead thought of himself as a metahuman with vaguely nebulous powers being trained by the Scarlet Witch, and along with discovery comes danger. It'd be a lot more terrifying, though, if his hometown didn't regularly have supervillains holding up banks and traffic, and if superheroes didn't swing past their apartment every day. And, of course, if one of his parents wasn't Daredevil.

(or: Matt and Foggy raise Harry Potter, with assistance from Karen and Kirsten and some others. things go from there.)

Full Metal Alchemist

The Path of Flame *

Roy Mustang is pretty sure Dumbledore is crazy. Who in their right mind would ask him to raise a newly-orphaned baby?

(Harry Potter's first year at Hogwarts, with changes courtesy of his being raised by the Flame Alchemist. I apologize for nothing.)

~ This whole series is golden. ❤

The Adams Family

Harveste Addams * WIP

Harveste began like this - another inconspicuous day in a slew of boring days, starting off with a perfunctory visit to the market, messing about with what could possibly be a very silly idea, and ending in a sense of accomplishment and the first installment. The day after that, buoyed into hitherto unfamiliar levels of ecstasy by readers’ comments (seriously, thank you so much to my first readers), the second installment. And then it just snowballed from there: the researching, the planning, watching and searching out all the little macabre details in a feverish giddy rush.

~ This is such a delightful concept. From the first time I read it many years ago, to every re-read I fall in love with this story over and over again.

Star Trek

Reaching for the Stars *

Hermione Granger is an Unspeakable on a solo mission tracking down escaped Death Eaters. Unfortunately she has to travel across dimensions in pursuit of her targets. After Gotham she ends up on a one way trip to the future and the stars.

Twilight

Aurora Explicit

Alice Lily Potter survived the war, but not unchanged. Pursued by those who regard her new prophetic ability as a valuable resource, and aren’t willing to take ‘no’ for an answer, Alice makes a difficult choice which sends her tumbling into the unknown. There, she finds a whole new world to explore… and love just waiting to be found.

X-Men

Harry Potter and the March of the Sentinels WIP

Harry has never been what you'd call normal, and he generally expects the unexpected to happen all the time when he's concerned. But what's a guy to think when, barely an hour after he saves his cousin from Dementors, the two of them are attacked by Sentinels? Luckily, the X-Men arrive in time to pull them to safety. But what will the Order of the Phoenix say?

Bleach

Lost Boys

After the Triwizard fiasco, Harry leaves Britain behind for a new life. Uryuu befriends Ichigo at a much younger age. Sirius escapes. Points converge and lost boys find a family. Isshin fails. So does Ryuuken. Kisuke finds a friend. Ukitake covers and cleans up. Fate changes.

Multi

Tumbling HP Crossovers WIP Mature

Crossover snippets done to prompts from Tumblr. Harry Potter centric. Slash, crack, au, etc.

Stargate

D.S.S. Requirement *

The Dumbledore's Army use the Room of the Requirement to get themselves a spaceship.

(Knowledge about Stargate is not necessary to read this story)

Yu-Gi-Oh

King's Jackal WIP

Wrecking all of Dumbledore's plans, the Power Dark Lord Knows Not walks up to Harry in the summer before his fifth year, and asks for directions.

To my Masterpost of Harry Potter Recs <3

I also have rec lists for Naruto and Doctor who.