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hawks-is-kinda-chicken-little · 5 years ago

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Bond Like No Other

Izuku Midoriya X Reader

Key [just in case someone needs it i'll put it up]

(y/n)= Your name

(h/n)= Hero name

(q/n)= Quirk name

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The next symbol of peace, that's what he is. Deku, the successor of All Might. Many know his story, but no one knows it better than his fiance. (Y/n) had been there for him all through UA, and she would continue to be there for the rest of their lives. That, she promised Izuku the night he proposed to her.

Everyone knows that those two are inseparable, the ultimate power couple. So when the world found out they were finally engaged, people went wild. They have a bond that nothing can break and it shows.

It had been a gruesome battle, quirks activating left and right. A robbery turned into a battle zone. The villains were on all levels of the 30 story building. At least a hundred of them, all prepared to kill. They refused to talk reason with the hero’s, threatening to take the whole building down with everyone in it. They were demanding a huge sum of money, but this wasn’t just about money. This was about striking fear and doubt into the hearts of civilians and heroes alike. It was not just some random urge that the villains had, no it was too well thought out.It had to have taken time to craft such a scheme. This wasn’t a situation that heroes could take head on. The hero’s had to play their cards just right, or else innocent people would get hurt or even killed in the crossfire.

(H/n) and Deku were among those courageous heroes that day. At first, things seemed to be calming down, until an explosion bursted through one of the middle stories of the building. Effectively proving that the villains were in no way bluffing, they were either going to get what they asked for or kill themselves and everyone around them. Everything was beginning to crumble down so fast. Yet, the villains would not relent, they refused to give up their hostages even if they themselves got hurt in the process. They attacked anyone who dared oppose them.

People were getting desperate, time was running out. The heroes were stuck with two choices. Try to keep negotiating and let the building keep crumbling, causing rumbling to crush the civilians inside. Or rush into the building and have the villains possibly harm the civilians. Heroes were talking amongst themselves, trying to formulate some sort of plan, while some negotiators were on speaker phones trying to reason with the intruders inside. The longer the heroes wait the more it becomes a do or die kind of situation.

It was time to act, no solid plan could be formed without some sort of negative factor playing into it. But the pros of rushing in outweighed the cons at that moment. Something had to be done, so when one hero went in, the rest followed suit.

Heroes tried to surround every corner, hoping to outnumber the villains. But, for every hero, there was a villain, just as ready to give up their own life for their own twisted cause. Neither side was backing down, as the civilians were being rushed out. The media filmed the building crumbling faster with every blow dealt from the inside. People were lucky to come out unscathed, most suffered some kind of injury, ranging from minor cuts, to burns and lacerations, to even life threatening gashes.

Deku and (h/n) had split up, with Deku taking the higher grounds and the (h/n) taking the lower. Though they were separated, they kept in touch through their earpieces. However, with all that was going on around them, not much else could be heard but pained screams, grunts, and blows coming from each side of the com. Even if they could hear each other, they had to pay attention to the opposer in front of them. Both of them faced equally terrifying opponents, with quirks abnormal to normal villains.

By this time, only a couple of civilians were still being rescued and carried off. So far, no casualties for either civilian or hero. The villains were dropping in numbers as backup arrived. Soon the building started giving way as support beams shattered under all the pressure. Villains were being hauled off from the top floors where Deku was since they were knocked out cold.

Just as he landed on the ground carrying four unconscious villains, a ear blasting boom rang from the middle section of the building. Car sized chunks of cement and rumble flew from the foundation of the building. People started fleeing to avoid being splattered onto the ground beneath their feet. Surrounding buildings started to be evacuated as rubble crashed into the sidewalls of them.

Speaking into his earpiece, Deku tried to get a hold of (h/n). All he received was static and pieces of words lost in the chaos around them. Shoto, a beloved friend and fellow hero, noticed Deku’s distress. (Y/n) was Shoto’s cousin, so of course he had his own share of worries.

“Anything?” Shoto yelled loudly, hoping to be heard over the surrounding noise.

“Static and broken words, but nothing that can be made out,” Deku yelled back.

They shared a look, both knowing the others plan. Head in and search, before it all hit the ground.

The heroes sprinted to the nearest entrance on the lower level, which happened to be a massive hole in the side of the building. Ashy smoke clouded the air making it hard to see far ahead. Dust and Debris suffocated the air, burning both of their lungs as it made it hard for them to breath. The foundations of the building moaned under the stress, causing them to rumbling and shift. One of the beams from where they entered finally gave way, causing them to jump forward, barely missing the beam as it collided with the ground with a thud. Metal rods from different levels splintered the ground through the ceiling. Broken furniture scattered the cracked tile floors. Glass shards crunched under their footsteps. Shoto held out a flame from the palm of his left hand, giving them somewhat of a better view. There was not a body in sight. They started calling (y/n) by both her real name and her hero name, hoping that one would get a response. A couple minutes, and nothing became of their attempts, so they headed to the second level.

But they kept walking. However, they froze after one of their steps sent a sharp snap echoing throughout the walls. Then they heard a crash from one of the levels above them. It sounded as if hits were being thrown back and forth, as if a fight was still in progress. A sudden crack the ceiling above bursts open as something flies through, even managing to break through the ground on which they stood. It plummeted full force through the ground into the first floor causing dust and debris to fly up in its wake. A groggy chuckle rang out in the aftermath. Both Deku and Shoto watched as a giant muscular figure jumped down to the bottom through the forced whole, taking no notice of the two heroes on the way down. Using the foggy air as cover, they followed the person while making sure to stay out of sight.

It was difficult to see what the man was doing, as he grabbed the fallen object from its indented spot on the ground. But, upon further inspection, Deku could start to see an outline of a figure, the head hung to the side as the man pulled them up by the neck. The dust started settling again and all Deku could see was red. In the man's grasp was his love, the unconscious injured body of (h/n). His baby. Hurt.

Deku’s body was moving before his mind could even fully comprehend the full severity of the situation. Shoto hadn’t even moved before Deku was on the man, ripping (h/n) from his ugly paws, cradling her to his chest, before full on Detroit smashing him through the ground.

The force of the blow took out all support beams and pillars, as the building was now crumbling like an avalanche with them still inside and all exits blocked off.

Shoto quickly tried making beams out of ice, hoping to prevent their demise, but sharp metal rods penetrated any barrier he created.

“I can try to smash through the rumble, but you need to take her,” Deku shouted, handing the slowly stirring (h/n) over to his friend.

After finding the best place to break through, Deku readied himself, having them all thrown back. The building to their side had crashed to the ground, effectively cutting them off. And to make matters worse, the villain was arising from the whole he was punched into. Shoto set a wall of ice between them. But, it did not last long as it was quickly shattered by rubble. At this rate, if they did not find a way out soon, they would all be crushed with the building. Looking around, Shoto spotted a small hole.

“There seems to be a small opening behind the villain, probably where a window used to be. It would be a tight squeeze, but we can make it,” Shoto yelled over the surrounding chaos.

Deku nodded leading the way. They were getting out of there no matter what. He was going to make sure of that. They just had to make it past to the small gap in the wall. The criminal didn’t seem to want to let them go easily though. As the heroes made their way over, the villain charged, grabbing an abandoned rifle lying on the ground beside him and firing wildly in their direction. While his aim was terrible, the bullets were flying by way to close for comfort, especially as the villain got closer to them. Deku veered off towards their attacker, shouting at Shoto to get (h/n) out before it collapsed.

Shoto wanted to argue, and he would have, but he knew (h/n) had to get medical help immediately. So he sucked up his pride and dashed to the openeding, using his ice to block incoming objects. All while, hoping Deku was close behind and unharmed as shots still rang out in the air.

After exiting the building, he ran even faster as the building finally came toppling over. Though Shoto had gotten them both away from it, the forcefully wave of turbulent debris ridden wind swept his feet from under him, hitting him like a tsunami. Ripping (h/n) from his arms as they both hit the skin shredding asphalt. Shoto’s vision was blurring, the world was spinning, he could see his cousin in front of him laying imobile on her side scrapes and burn running bleeding through the tears in her costume. He tried to push himself up by his elbows, but he collapsed, starting to blackout. However, he saw shaky figures running towards them right before everything went black.

Deku could see Shoto run to the exit with (h/n) through his peripheral vision. All he needed to do was keep this guy occupied until they were a safe distance away. Shots were still piercing the air, Deku swerved from place to place using the scattered rubble as cover. It only lasted another minute or so as the magazine emptied, causing the villain to throw the useless weapon to the side. Ceasing his chance Deku leapt towards the villain, fist propelling forward as he activated his quirk. The criminal was once again forced six feet under.

The towering was caving, but if Deku could climb his way up the broken rods, he might be able to smash his way through the other side of the building. Feather light feet swiftly bound from one rod to the next, careful not to land on anything to wobbly. He was close, so close to freedom. One last punch was all it took to clear a hole wide enough for him to slip through. As he jumped out, the whole thing came crashing down. The forceful wind shoved him away from the now crumbled building, causing him to tumble onto the sidewalk. For a second Deku was not even sure he had made it out, the air was dark with debris, rendering him blind to his surroundings. All that could be heard was the creaking of shifting metal and rubble trying to settle into a state of stability on the ground. But, the only thing Deku could hear was eerie silence. Nothing ached though, every muscle felt numb and weightless. Blood was pooling around his body, but he couldn't see where it was coming from.

The air was starting to settle, slowly clearing the view around him. Deku laid his head to the right, squinting his eyes when he saw a familiar looking blue costume along with red and white hair laying on the asphalt. Shoto. And a couple feet in front of Shoto was (y/n). Laying on her side facing Deku, he couldn’t make out their conditions, but if they were anything like him, they weren’t doing too great. He should go check on them, but his body refused to move. All Deku could do was extend his arm towards them as his vision faded to nothing.

All three of them were spotted on the ground and immediately transported to the nearest hospital. Shoto woke up soon after being emitted, only suffering minor bruises and a mild concussion from hitting the asphalt. Izuku and (y/n), while not in critical condition, were not as lucky. Both having broken bones and stitch worthy gashes drained a good amount of their blood. (Y/n) was the next to slowly rise from her sleeping state. Bright lights prodded at sensitive eyes as the lids creaked open. No matter how much she blinked, the beaming lights seemed to be too much for her at the moment. Holding a hand up to block out the light, she scanned around the room looking around for a clue as to where she was.

Shoto walked into the room, wearing hospital clothes with bandages scattered across his body. Wobbling over to the chair beside her bed, Shoto sunk into the cushions of the chair leaning so that his arms were hanging over the edge of the rails of her bed.

“How do you feel,” Her cousin asked softly.

“Definitely been better,” Her voice was hoarse and scratchy.

Shoto reached over to the side table grabbing the water bottle and handing it to her. Silently thanking him, she sipped at it before setting it beside her.

“What happened?” She asked.

Hesitance was present all over his face, making worry sprout through her heart. With a heavy sigh Shoto started explaining. From the fight, to when Deku and himself went looking for her, to the flying bullets, and the building collapsing before he blacked out.

“So where Izuku then?” (Y/n) pressed, a knot forming in the back of her throat.

“He’s okay,” Shoto paused for a moment “He’s just resting in the other room, I promise.”

(Y/n) started shuffling around, sitting up before swinging her legs off the side of the bed opposite to where Shoto was sitting. All Shoto’s protests were ignored as she stumbled to her feet. Pain spiked up her spine as her feet hit the cold tile floors, her hands reached out grabbing the IV pole to her side for stability. Her cousin was quick to her side, helping her get her bearings. Releasing the pool, (y/n) stood straight, nodding to Shoto, signaling that she was now fine to walk on her own. While he might have let go, he was by her side nonetheless ready to help if needed.

Shoto led the way as they walked down the white hallway. Past windows of other patients residing in the hospital. It wouldn’t be a surprise if some of these people were here because of the fight prior. There were even a few heroes that she recognized fighting alongside that day. It was heartbreaking. But not as heartbreaking as what she saw next. She hadn’t even realised that they arrived since she was still looking around. But, she stopped scanning her surroundings when her eyes landed on the person on the other side of the open door.She couldn’t look away, she was stuck in place as she took in the sight before her.

There before them was Izuku, her Izuku lay unmoving on the creamy white bed, bandages scattered from head to toe, connected to some machine to his right with an IV hanging from a pole to his left.

“Can I- can I go in?” She murmured softly.

Shoto nodded, pulling over a chair for her to the left side of the bed. After getting all situated, he pulled her into a hug before leaving the room. Leaving her in silence.

It was always hard for her to see him so hurt. They have been friends since diaper days. Walking through life hand in hand. The two even got into UA together. Seeing him like this almost reminds her of his pitiful state after the sports festival, man she almost ripped Shoto a new one when she saw the extent of his injuries. Izuku wasn’t even aware of how hurt he was then, he was just so happy he made a breakthrough with Shoto. Izuku always loves those sports festivals, from the times where he participated in them, to the times he now watches them, eyes glazed with wonder as the newest students demonstrated their skills and quirks. Be brought a whole new meaning to the phrase of ‘once a fan always a fan’.

They had to have an entire bookshelf of his notes by now. Quite the curious creature. Entranced by new and old quirks, never putting one down over the other, instead he saw the wonder in all quirks and skills. Something Izuku made quite clear when he was asked to visit last year's freshman at UA. It was a funny sight to see as the number one hero blabbered on and on about how cool all their quirks were. But one kid in particular caught his eye, he was a young kid, who sat in the back of the class, taking up as little space as possible. He seemed to wince a little when Izuku mentioned quirks. When Izuku asked the teacher about the kid after they all left, he found out that the kid was quirkless. God, his reaction to hearing that made her fall so much father in love. Izuku ran to find that kid and hugged the life out of him. While most might have thought it was just Deku being the loving hero he was, she knew it was more than that. She knew all he went through before UA, how everyone put him down. So of course, she knew what that kid becoming a hero meant to him. His love for others never ceased to shine through the darkest of times.

(Y/n) chuckled, all through these years he has never truly changed. Always staying the same old lovable dork he had alway been. And she wouldn’t change a thing about him. Her bandaged hands caressed his own, thumbs brushing the scars along his knuckles. Quite the heart warming site for anyone who happened to look through the window.

It was another hour or so before Izuku woke. Poor thing was just as blinded as she was before. It pained her to see how groggy he was, but she was there for him, peeling one of her hands comb through his unruly locks. At first his eyes flared with panic, but that was only until they landed on her. Instantly tearing up in relief.

“Hey you,” He croaked out.

“Hey,” She whispered softly, voice full of adoration and love.

Nothing else was said. Nothing else needed to be said. All words were shared by simply being present. Shoto came in much later to check on them and only to see them both on the bed, arms holding onto each other for dear life. Smiles lying on both their faces.

The next morning they were released from the hospital after getting cleared by the staff.

Izuku groaned “My back hurts.”

“Duh, we sleep on rocks dressed to look like a bed,” (Y/n) retorted lightly.

“Have pity on me.”

She pecked his pouting lips “I don’t think I will.”

With a dramatic huff, Izuku flopped onto their apartment couch, tosing his arms over the edge for extra effects.

“Oh no, Izuku has passed, whatever shall I do,” (y/n) said in a tone of fake worry.

A blanket was draped over his form, covering even his face.

She let out a long sign footsteps getting further from the couch. “I guess there is no one who will lay with me and cuddle on the bed.”

When she started to hear him shuffle around, she booked it for their room and shut the door right before he got to her, locking so he couldn’t get in.

“Oh my god, open the door, I have earned some cuddles,” He whined.

“I can hear his ghost now”

“I swear, I will knock this darn door to hell,”

“I dare you”

A moan of frustrations passed through Izuku’s lips, a giggle leaving her own. If it was a game of chase she wanted, she was going to get it. The day was filled with playful fighting that led into the night. Their love was pure. It was stronger than any quirk. A bond no one could break.

Things finally started to settle down as the moonlight set in through the windows. Both had just finished showering, soft cotton pjs falling onto skin. Hums of (y/n) fluttered around the air as she swayed from side to side following the melody in their bedroom. Izuku walked out of the bathroom stopping to lean on the door frame, gazing upon the heavenly angel waltzing around the room. She paused in her ministries when she felt eyes on her back. Looking over her shoulder with a warm smile, turning to him as he walked over to her. Heavy scared arms encased her waist as she was brought into his loving embrace. In return, she swung her arms around his neck resting the side of her head on his chest. Izuku tucked her head under his chin, closing his eyes in contentment as they swayed with her peaceful hums.

Her melody faded out to a comfortable silence. Neither of them pulled away, staying in each other's arms for a little while longer. Izuku started to shift, making her look into his emerald eyes. Oh how she loved those beautiful eyes. They glowed with vibrant green life.

“Keep looking at me like that and I just skip the proposal and marry you right now,”

She lowered her as she chuckled, slightly shaking her head hoping to hide the quick spreading blush on her cheeks. Pulling one and from her waist Izuku his fingers under her chin guiding her gaze back to his.

“You think I kidding, I’ll do it right now,”

Curiosity filled her as she eyed him. Guiding them over to the night stand Izuku pulled open the bottom cabinet, shuffling a couple of things around, searching for the desired object. (Y/n) gasped before slapping a hand over her mouth. A small velvet back box lay in the palm of his hand. Her knees were buckling as her vision blurred as water built up around the edges of her eyes. Recognizing her starstruck state, Izuku gently pushed her back so that she was sitting on the edge of the bed. Eyes followed his every move, Watching as he shifted himself to one knee in front of her. All her attention was on him and only him.

“I don’t even know how to start this,” He shook his head “Man. Kirishima would be so disappointed.”

She let out a light laugh, waiting for him to continue. “I love you, ya know that right? When you were not responding to your com that night, you scared the living daylights out of me. Images of you sleeping next to me and images of you lying lifeless in the rumble kept flashing through my head. And I- I don’t know what I would do if- if you had-.” Izuku paused, trying desperately to hold back the lump in his throat. Head dipping down, only to be lifted up by gentle hands cupping his cheek.

“But, you found me,” She whispered, combing a piece of hair from his face, tears of her own cascading down her face. “You found me, you saved me. Like you always promised to do our first year of UA. And I will always do the same for you, without even batting an eye.”

The hand that wasn’t holding the box encased one of her’s on the side of his face. “Aren’t I supposed to be proposing to you?”

They shared a laugh, pressing their foreheads together. “Just put the ring on me you dork,”

He did just that, delicately sliding the ring on her finger. And after, he pounced on her, trapping her in his arms rolling them from side to side as happy tears streamed down both their faces.

No one was surprised that they were getting married, just that it happened the way it did. All their friends and family celebrated their engagement. And while everyone shed a couple of tears, no one shed them quite like his mother and All Might.

The two would have a lot to plan these next couple of months, and on top of that they had hero responsibilities to attend to. It might get stressful, but they will be in it together. Nothing could shake them, for they had a bond like no other.

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Hello, I swear I am not dead! Well maybe not physically, mentally though, that’s a different story. I’m still working on the next part for hawk’s story, i am hoping to finish it sometime next week! I promise that I did not abandon it. Until then I offer this piece of trash I wrote last night.

#deku #deku x reader #bnha fanfiction #bnha deku #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #mha #trash #izuku midoriya #izuku midoriya x reader

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oodlesofpun · 8 years ago

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STAND-UP BLAHBITY Notes on Getting into Open-Mike Stand-Up

*** I wrote this many years ago on a website that has been swallowed by time, a few people lately have asked me about getting into stand up so I’m re-posting. For some reason I used to spell it ‘open mike’ like it was short for Open Michael, I think I’m going to keep it that way**

by Nick Vatterott Next to skipping penguins like pebbles across a pond, and shot-putting for strippers, stand-up comedy is about the most fun thing I can think of doing on any given night. In some ways stand-up comedy is my dream conversation. I get to do all the talking, nobody else gets to say anything, and I’m hilarious the whole time I’m talking. Or at least in my dreams I am. I love doing sketch and improv just as much, but the problem with those arts is that you have to organize a group, make sure everyone shows up, book a room, get a run, have rehearsals, and go through some sort of involved process for the opportunity to maybe do it once a week. The beauty of stand-up is that on any given night of the week, at 5 o’clock in the evening you can say, “I think I feel like doing stand-up tonight” and there’s generally at least one open mike in the city, where for 3 - 5 minutes you can get up on stage, and do whatever the fuck you want. You can perform any night of the week, sometimes multiple times in a night. If you get an idea for sketch, you may have to wait weeks to test out your bit. In standup, I can think of a joke and have an audience tell me it’s either gold or shit the same day. There are 6,893,499,394,927 types of people in this world. Three of those types are people who have no interest in doing stand-up, people who do stand-up, and then a third group whom this whole thing is written for. Those that have may have tried stand-up a couple times a long time ago and have been meaning to get back into it. Or for those have been meaning to try it, but just haven’t yet for whatever reason. I think about once a week someone who has been thinking about going solo in front of a mike says, ‘Hey Nick, I’d love to sit down with you and talk about stand-up sometime.” I love talking about stand-up. I love getting people to do stand-up. I think everyone should try it once. It’s scary and surreal, but the possible payoff can’t be beat. This piece is made up of conversations I’ve had with people about stand-up, plus things I wish I would have said. If you’re a stand-up veteran, I’m not sure I’m going to say anything you don’t already know. If you have no interest in doing stand-up, this thing will probably bore you to tears. But if you’re thinking about doing stand-up, hopefully there are some things you’ll find insightful, that took me hundreds of sets to figure out. More important than anything, fuck everything I say. These definitely aren’t the right and wrong ways to do stand-up. These are just thoughts and opinions I have, things that I think have helped me out. What I think is a lame way to approach stand-up, might totally work for someone else. I’m sure there’s stuff in here that a lot of people may disagree with. And those people might be right. This is just something to jump start a pursuit of stand-up, so that someday, you yourself can have thoughts and opinions about stand-up that are also completely wrong. Section 1: JUST FUCKING DO IT That might be the biggest obstacle keeping people from stand-up. Just fucking do it. I’ve talked to people who say, “Yeah, I think I’m just about ready to try stand-up, I’ve been practicing in my apartment for a couple months now, and I think I’m about ready.” That blows my mind. First of all just getting up in front of an audience and doing it for the first time will give 10 times the insight into the whole thing than anything I could write. Obviously what keeps people from signing up for that first open mike is the fear of failure. And I won’t sugar coat it, even as many sets as I’ve done, getting in front of an audience and eating shit fucking sucks. But its going to happen. You have to be fine with that. I don’t think it’s a terrible thing to ease into stand-up. Go to an open mike and watch one night. You’ll see people do well, and having fun up there, witch will motivate you even more to try it. But also, you’ll see some awful people up there as well. I went to watch an open mike once before I ever tried it, and some of the people there were so bad, it made the whole thing less intimidating. You get the thought, “Wow, I can’t be any worse than that guy.” You can practice your act in front of a mirror in you house for years, but you’re never going to get a sense of the material till it’s said on stage. In fact the more you practice it in your apartment, the more weight you’re putting on that first act to go well. When you start stand-up, you really can’t put too much weight on that first set to go well. Sure, that is the goal, and people have great fist sets all the time. But I think a more productive goal is to really give stand-up a shot. Plan on doing several sets, using each set as preparation for the next set, that will lead up to that hot shit set that we’re looking for. The biggest step is just getting that first set out of the way. You’ll have such a better sense of what to expect once that happens. You can go over how to swim in front of your mirror, all you want, but that will only help you so much, you have to get in the pool. (yes I passed on the ‘behind the wheel’ metaphor, and went the equally as tired ‘jump in the water’ metaphor) There’s an article on the wall at Zanie’s in Chicago about Brain Regan, about how in the beginning he used to sit at his desk and write these jokes that were very clever. Then he would get in front of an audience, and his joke were met with polite smiles from the audience, as if the audience was thinking, ‘yes, that was very clever.’ It wasn’t until he started taking his ideas and exploring them on stage that they finally started really hitting. Plus there is a level of being comfortable on stage that no bathroom mirror in the world can produce. The more sets you do, the more comfortable you are in the incredible awkward situation of being by yourself with a roomful of strangers staring at you expecting you to be funny. You have to let your want to do it, exceed the fear of failure. I know people who went up on stage with good material, but rocked back and forth the whole time, or kept fiddling with the mike stand. Their set doesn’t go well and they think it’s because of the material. Sometimes it’s the material. Sometimes its because you were wetting you pants the whole time you were up there. The audience sees when you wet yourself, or any other nervous tick you don’t realize your doing up there, and they aren’t so much as listening to the material, as they are watching the comic not be at ease. Section 2: WHERE DO I GET MATERIAL? Yeah, that’s pretty much the whole thing. I know some really funny people that say that want to do stand-up, but say that have a hard time coming up with jokes a stand-up would do. I think that’s the problem. You can’t write with any sort of notion of what a ‘stand-up’ type joke is, or a joke that a traditional thought of stand-up would do. I like to look at stand-up as your own one man show for five minutes. The beauty of stand-up open mikes is that you can go up, and pretty much do whatever you want. You can’t say, “What’s a stand-up type joke?” You have to say, what’s something that I would have a lot of fun doing on stage. What is it about you, that makes you think you should do stand-up? Is it you sitting in your living room cracking up your roommates while you bitch about some new horrible t.v. show, is it telling stories about your awkward boss at work, observations you have everyday riding the bus, doing really funny things at a keg party involving potatoes? Those are the things that make up our material. It’s not all one-liners, set up and punch line. Sure, some people are living sit-com characters, and have witty responses to things people say all day long. If that’s the case you should write everything you say all day long. By the way when you do get your stand-up notebook, don’t get some nice leather bound thick book, that you get because you feel the more money you spend on your notebook, the more seriously your going to take this thing. Get some cheap, piece of shit you can keep in your pocket all times. I don’t think you should analyze everything you say all week and think of everything as a possible stage bit, but its good to be aware of something that happens in your week that you laugh at that might be fun to explore on stage. Then when you prepare for your set you have a list of options in your notebook, instead of staring at a wall at a desk saying, “What’s something that’s funny?” Try as many different things on stage as possible. Maybe one night you tell your best story, the next night, do some characters, then maybe have a ‘rant’ night. Early on I did a ‘impression’ set. For days afterwards I was picking corn out of my mouth from all the shit I ate on stage that night.(Not necessary) But the good that came out of that night was that I tried it, and I knew that impressions weren’t my thing. The more things you try, the more you find what works the best, and these are the things that evolve into the ‘voice’ or ‘character’ we hear so much about. Section 3 THE SET LIST Once you get a couple pages and ideas in your notebook for doing stand-up, you now have to put your act together. I say do your strongest joke first. None of this, ‘save it for the end, hit a game winning home run’ bullshit. Again to reference Brian Regan, (this whole thing is leading up to an ad for Regan’s next album by the way) on his album he does his ‘You too’ joke up top. That’s no doubt his best joke on a very hilarious album (in stores now only $9.99) His last joke on the album is great, but it’s just as funny as everything else on the album. He starts out with his best joke, it destroys, and how he has the audience. The top of your set is the most important part of your set. The audience is forming an opinion of you the second they see you. To the point that if you trip on your way up, spill your drink, or even stumble over your words at first, they’re already losing faith in you. Your first joke sets up your whole set. Sure, your first joke could bomb and you could win the audience back. It’s just hard to “completely” lose an audience after your first joke does well, it’s also very hard to win them back if your first joke tanks. If your first joke does well, often they’ll listen to whatever you say for the next five minutes or at least let you get away with telling a few stinkers afterwards just cause you got them at the top. Why save your best joke for the end, when there’s a chance you’ve already lost them by then? Mick Napier talks about how in sketch comedy, each scene is affected by the residue of all sketches that have already happened leading up to that scene. The same is true in your stand-up set list. If you have a joke that’s maybe a little more, dark, blue, offensive, or weird, you might want to save that for the back end of your set. If your whole act, is weird or blue, then obviously this doesn’t really apply. But if most your act is jokes about food, and you got one about 9/11, you might not want to put 9/11 at the top. Win the audience over first, then sneak in the abortion joke, they’ll be a lot more open to it. Do a clean joke at the top to prove you don’t have to rely on poo jokes, then do that poo joke you rely on. The first sets you do will be the hardest sets you’ll ever do. You have no idea what bits are your ‘hot shit’ jokes. The first sets really are a series of throwing shit up and seeing what sticks. But after awhile you will have those ‘hot shit’ jokes. You will start to get a sense of what jokes would make good openers. Once you have ‘hot shits’, trying new stuff isn’t as daunting. You can start trying new bits and ‘protecting’ them with ones you know work. In your set list, do a strong joke, then plant a couple new ones in before once again hitting another tried and true. Have a ‘back pocket’ joke. A joke that you don’t plan to do in your set, but is on standby in case things get pretty hairy. I don’t think ‘back pocket’ jokes in an open-mike set are too important, or even that productive. But they’re good to be aware of in case you try a couple of new bits and they tank. Whip out the ‘back pocket’, get the audience back in it, to set yourself up to try a few more new ones. Possible open-mike set list: Milk (its a quick joke that’s been hitting pretty consistantly lately) pajamas (new joke) whiskey (new joke) Pirates (a joke I’ve done before but am trying to tighten) Aqua socks (joke that hit last time I told) spiders (new joke) Dollywood (new joke) AIDS (new joke, its about AIDS, keep it towards the end) Farting eyeballs (new joke, although pretty sure its been by someone before told before) back pocket: my observation on observational comedy Its a set list that leads the audience into your set, protects the new stuff, sets you up with doing more ‘racy’ (I hate word) stuff towards the end. Sometimes we write that new joke, that we are certain will kill, so we open with it. Go for it, I do it all the time. But I’ve also completely fucked my whole set because I opened with a new joke that I wrote earlier in the day that completely bombed because it consisted of nothing more than a ‘teletubbies’ reference, that was more dated than I realized. The closest thing to a rule in set lists, is just to do a solid joke up top, preferably a shorter than a longer one. After that everything is really up for debate. That’s why at every open mike there’s at least ten guys staring at five words on a piece of paper trying to figure out what order they go. Fuck with it, try different things. Open up with the AIDS joke once and see what happens. Just be aware of the idea that sometimes when a joke in your set doesn’t hit, its not so much that that joke is to blame, but the jokes that happened before it. Section 4 HOW TO LOOK LIKE YOU’VE NEVER DONE STAND-UP BEFORE You got your material, you put together your set list, now its time to get on stage and find out if your going to be famous or not. These next things are things that I’ve seen numerous times by first timers at open mikes. The lights on the stage are bright. Often times it’s the equivalent of three mack trucks hanging from the ceiling with their brights aimed directly in your eyes. Don’t comment on it. Everyone comments on it. The audience doesn’t care. It doesn’t seem bright to them. If one of the lights honk at you, you might not be at an open mike, you might be laying down on the highway. Quickly finish your act and roll to the shoulder of the road. Quit asking the audience how there doing. They’re doing fine. Sure, say hi, maybe ask how they’re doing once, but get to your act. You only have five minutes. Sometimes a comic will say, “How are you doing?” and is met with mediocre applause. The comic will try it again, “I SAID, HOW ARE YOU FEELING?” What the comic doesn’t realize is that combined with the emcee and the last six comics, chances are the audience has been asked how they are doing, to make some noise, and to give it up sixty times in the past twenty minutes. Do your material, and just like my new wife, they’ll give it up when their ready to give it up. (too soon?) Give your material half a chance. I say video tape yourself if you can. You do things on that stage that you have no idea that your doing. Some of that goes with the being comfortable on stage stuff mentioned earlier. Watch yourself and you may realized that you scratch your head constantly, or you say ‘umm’ an obnoxious amount of times. Stuff the audience sees and distracts them from your act. Plus many times video tape reveals that a joke didn’t work because of how you said it. You realize you were talking way too fast, or kind of mumbled a word that was pretty essential to the punch line. Know your act. Know your jokes. I once saw a guy say, “Every time I think of rush hour traffic, I always think, umm, I always think, um” and then he pulled out his joke notebook to find out what he thinks. Not as a joke, that would have been great. He just couldn’t remember his joke. You’ve lost me. I already don’t believe you, you obviously don’t think of whatever it is you think whenever you think of rush hour traffic, because right now you can’t think of it. A lot of people bring their set lists up on stage with them. I guess it works for some people and helps them. I just feel that stand-up, even open mikes, is still a performance. You are selling your jokes to the audience as well as selling yourself as a comic. Take the time to memorize your set list. Bringing a set list on stage never adds, and can only take away from your act. I’ve even seen people start looking at their set list before they’ve even finished the last joke. Really? You’re spend all that time setting it up, before apparently losing interest in your own punch line. Plus if you’re going to tell a joke, tell it. Don’t spend a minute setting up a joke before bailing on it halfway through because the audience isn’t reacting to the setup. Silence isn’t always bad. At a lot of these open-mikes, silence is better than half the room talking to each other. Sometimes silence means you have the audiences attention. They’re silent because they’re listening and waiting for the punch line or where the joke is going. Don’t trail off, or say the punch line in an apologetic way because you lost faith in your own joke halfway through. Sell the joke. If you sell the joke and the audience still doesn’t react, then you have permission to go home and hate yourself. If it’s going bad, don’t let the audience know. If a couple jokes in a row tank, or even one for that matter, its hard to not make a joke about it. But keep it on the minimal. Sometimes a comic will be doing ‘ok’, but then start making this big deal about how they’re eating shit up there. A lot of times the audience isn’t thinking that, but you are starting to plant an idea in their head. Open mikes can get pretty ugly, but making constant references to the ’train wreck’ does nothing for the audience. Often at shows that aren’t the best, the audience is still having a good time. If they weren’t, they would leave. Try to keep the fact that you or the show sucks, a secret from the audience for as long as possible. Sometimes they’ll never find out. Section 5 KNOW THE CONTEXT OF THE OPEN MIKE The tough thing about open mikes, is that all they truly prepare you for, is other open mikes. Open mikes are the best way to prepare for booked gigs or a club. However the audience you get in open mikes, is rarely similar to the ones in real shows. Its just a good thing to be aware of. Open mike audiences are made up largely of the other comics waiting to perform. In theory, what’s funny is funny. But the anti-comedy joke that kills the back of the room at an open mike, might not leave the suburb family at your club showcase in the same stitches. There’s a general Lenny Bruce mentality among comics that says, fuck everything, I’m going to do whatever I want, I’m never changing, adapting or compromising for no one. That’s fine, don’t compromise, but if there is a way to test your material out in front of as many different audiences as possible that’s for the best. Maybe hit different open mikes in different parts of town. Some open mikes are total comic rooms. Others might get more tourists, or college kids. The shit that kills the comics, generally lets you know what some of your funniest stuff is. But its also good to know what jokes of yours are the most universal. If you are hitting the same open mikes a lot, and there are generally the same audience members there every week, be aware of that. I see people do a set at an open mike that kills. They then do the same act at the same open mike four weeks in a row. They can’t figure out why the joke isn’t hitting like it used to. It’s cause everyone there has heard that joke four times already. There is nothing wrong with doing a bit in front of an audience that has seen it before, that’s necessary for polishing. But work new stuff in. The whole point of open mikes is to help you work on your act. You got a joke that hits and doesn’t need any more work. Great. Keep if for your booked gigs and showcases. In the meantime, use the open mikes to find your next solid joke. Personally I feel the only reason you would ever do a joke you’ve done before at an open mike, is if your working on the bit; (rewriting, tightening, making even the most minute adjustment to it), trying a new running order in your set list or telling a joke you know works to set yourself up for new bits. If you’re spending your whole open-mike time telling jokes you know work, with no rewriting involved with them, how is that going to make you grow as a comic? What are you really accomplishing other than reliving past glories. Showcase and gigs are the times to do your greatest hits. Every open mike set should be used to ‘find out’ something about your set that night. Use open-mikes to tighten material, and to put up new material every week. Section 6 POLISHING What are the least amount of words that I can use to still tell same joke? That’s basically what you have to ask yourself when tightening a bit. How essential to the punch line are all the things mentioned in the setup? When I say, “A couple years ago, when I was in college, I had come into a little money at the time, so I decided to treat myself and go to I an acupuncturist, which is something that I’ve always wanted to do. that’s when this happened…” do I need all that for the setup? Or can I just say, “I went to an acupuncturist once, and this happened…” Its easy to get into the romance of telling a joke based in truth, with details that are important to us, but generally extraneous to what’s necessary. Tell your joke in as few words as possible, to give yourself room for more jokes in your set. Some people love the style of telling longer stand-ups, that’s more their voice. But ask yourself if you’re telling a longer joke because that’s your voice, or if the bit could benefit from being whittled down a little. Be ready to kill babies. Those jokes that we love, but never hit as hard as we wanted them to. Sometimes we got to just let them go. There are longer bits we do, that have several jokes in them. If it’s long, ask yourself what are the best parts of this bit? This bit on tollbooths is four minutes long. One minute is real hot, and the other three are good but not great. Be fine with cutting a four minute bit down to just that one hot minute. Not kidding, I once had a ten minute piece on jewelry that I turned into a one liner. It took me forever to give up all the other stuff, but eventually I said, “this line I say half way through the bit, is the funniest line of the whole piece, and I bet could set it up with only one sentence”. Sometimes we got that joke with that extra tag at the very end. The extra tag has gotten a good response a couple times, but most of the time it gets nothing. We keep it because the rest of the joke is great, and we just kind of got used to saying that last part. Give it up. Realize what parts of your jokes are essential, what parts hit hard, and what parts we say only out of habit of saying them. Section 7 WHERE DO I GO? That’s what the internet is for, pretty much every city in the country has some sort of stand up scene right now. Google your city and comedy open mics, go and talk to other comics about where other places to go up are. Section 8 WHAT DO I WEAR? Whatever Paula Poundstone would wear. Again, this whole thing is to aimed at helping people out who are thinking about doing stand-up. The biggest thing is just to get up and do it. It also helps to have sort of substance addiction and an underlying sadness you keep hidden from the world. The bad news is that while you can teach people to tell jokes, you can’t teach sadness. HAVE FUN!!

#advice #tips #NewToComedy #StandUpComedy #OpenMics #ComedyClasses #howtodostandup #howtostartstandup #hints #help #StandUp #Comedy

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