#i was very excited as usual to give but im very tired atm

[sparxsailing]

I had such great Christmas gifts plans and then part 2 of luteal hit and I'm like 🫠 its either late asf gifts or nothing bc im so TIRED

And it makes me sad buttttt alas

[just-a-floofy-catt]

I took a bit of a break from posting cus im tired as balls atm lmao

But i wanted to atleast chuck something out today so heres the ref/original idea sheet of Avery, my fnaf sb self-insert/oc from a while ago :)

(Ive already kinda shown this b4 but now it just looks nicer)

(And has all the writing stuff below the pic in this post)

Also here's some bonus info on him and his role and all :)

• Hes a trans dude (he/they pronouns) that "is built like a twink and dresses like a femboy" (silly quote from my friend lmao😭), and has an extremely ambiguous voice - British accent btw (grew up in the UK, he moved over to his current residence and lives w a roommate who was his online friend).

• Hes can occasionally be a lil bit of a freak behind the scenes XD. Has indulged in alot of fanfiction, draws some questionable stuff for money and also generally can have pretty crude and vulgar humor sometimes lmao.

• Hes pretty creative with a long ass list of hobbies. Loves fashion and costumes, is an artist, avid sewer and just generally loves making things with his hands in his spare time (100% brings his crochet to work XD)

• Has almost crippling anxiety about literally almost everything.

• Hes very polite and tolerates alot of bullshit to avoid conflict, but inside he is 100% raging with the heat of 1000 suns despite the fact hes outwardly shaking enough to be practically vibrating. He will definitely talk shit about the situation to himself in great, excruciating, dramatic detail with alot of angry cursing later and then probably cry about it.

• The boi is a little try-hard that will do their job above minimum effort in order to get praise, or out of fear for getting in trouble.

• Hes typically empathetic to a fault and a straight up (un)qualified therapist.

• Oh, also, hes a raging insomniac.

- First got the job because art commissions were a little slow and, hey, a more reliable source of money at the time wouldnt hurt.

- He was always kinda curious about the place because the scary stories about it were fun to pick apart and he loved the designs of all the animatronics (pft furry).

- He showed up to the interview scared shitless but they hired him almost on the spot, much to his confusion, as he was probably less than entirely qualified for this sort of job.

- From his very first day, he showed up pushing the dress code XD. But, he was indeed wearing the uniform, so he was technically following the rules(THEY COULDNT DO SHIT TO HIM 🥰) (well they could) (but the understaffing issue was more prioritised).

- His coworkers genuinely have no fucking clue how he manages to give enough of a shit to put that much stuff on every morning. The fits are always very over the top, considering all he had to do was put the damn uniform on, but alas, he usually showed up in head to toe accessories and such. It's honestly the best way he can make himself go into work. If he's gonna work a kinda shitty job that doesn't fit his schedule that well and have to do it on barely any sleep, THEN FUCK YEAH HES GONNA DO IT WHILE LOOKIN GOOD. Thats his philosophy on it, atleast XD.

- At first while he settles into the job hes just given shifts in general areas, working joint shifts with more trained security guards or maintenance people or animatronic handlers (those were his favourites. He always got excited like a little kid when getting to see any of the animatronics) to get him used to the place.

Fazbear ent. Was clearly desperate for employees as they were almost always understaffed, but it seemed that they weren't willing to give many employees a strict job role. Rather, expecting them to be a jack of all trades as to try and fix that little issue.

This also happened to apply to Avery, explaining why he was given such oddly scattered and different jobs to settle him in.

- Even as he did start becoming independent, this didnt much change.

One night he could be watching security cameras in the office, the next he could be counting stock at a gift shop, the next he could be helping out with minor maintenance tasks on the robots (despite his ZERO FUCKING KNOWLEDGE ON THEM. Great job there Faz.Ent. Oh well. As time went on he did get atleast a little accustomed to it and managed not to electrically fry his no-robotics-degree-having ass. And he also gained a bestie in the Parts and Services Department, so that was pretty helpful too).

Shit was pretty damn good.

- Thats when they 'suddenly' decide that daycare security is necessary. Something about parents becoming increasingly weary of the odd 'Daycare Attendant' animatronic.

With Avery being their newest hire and most likely to agree to take the position, he immediately gets targeted.

- Now, Avery isnt fond of kids.

Theyre annoying little shits.

So the second he hears 'daycare' hes like "fuck no".

Not to mention that his uh... 'look' (that management had still protested until eventually giving up) would probably set off some entitled mothers or something, and he'd rather not have parents screaming in his face about it.

- Alas, hes eventually convinced into it, under the condition that he gets to stay behind the security desk and not be bothered at all.

- Theyve had security there before, after a few... incidents... but it seemed like they were putting him on a more long term intended job.

- Turns out, from what he can gather from coworkers, a few people have been assigned to the daycare in the past for multiple different roles, but noone really enjoyed it and everyone avoided the place as much as possible. Sun just generally freaked everyone out with that weird... desperation he always had (which was definitely a part of what the parents had also been complaining about) and Moon just scared them all shitless, with the night security guards always looking over their shoulder in hopes of not crossing patrol with him. Noone really downright hated them, some even felt sympathy, but most were just too unsettled to interact with them.

- Avery, being a bit of a pussy, is even further put off from the job by these sentiments.

However, he perseveres and dresses his best to try and convince himself that itd be fine (aka, that if he died atleast hed die pretty).

- The daycare actually had its own themed uniform alongside the plain guard uniform, as did alot of other places in the pizzaplex. However, since the employees were given a choice, basically everyone chose to not don the more whimsical fits, and instead just use their badge to show the specific job or branch they were supposed to be legally assigned to.

- Avery, on the other hand, fucking lived for that shit. XD

Styled it like a girlboss and walked into work at exactly 6.30am, 30 minutes before the daycare opened, prepared to look perfectly the part for his job.

- When he walked into the daycare (he avoided the slide... hm.. maybe if he ever has a night shift here....) and the lights were already on and bright enough to blind a bitch.

Oh well, their electric bill, not his problem.

- He immediately settled behind the desk, planning to keep his ass planted there for the next few hours with one earbud in, hidden under his hair, as he would halfheartedly watch the kids.

But...

Something felt off.

Really fucking weird.

He was definitely being *watched*.

Observed.

Ugh, creepy.

He ignored it, blaming it on lack of sleep.

And thats about as far as i got plan wise for his lil plotline XD

Yippee

[shinycollarboneapologist]

okay let's be boring and go with ace as a name bc that's my nickname irl bc I'm a massive gilmore girls fan (team logan btw iykyk)!!

I really want to attempt writing fics but I'm wayyyy to nervous! I was okay at English in school and I always send obnoxiously long asks into blogs on here with my ideas based on their fics (sorry fellow tumblr.com authors you all get forced to see my writing) but I have nightmares of writing and putting it on here only to be bullied off the platform ahahahahah

jealous of the sun bathing in England rn its been pissing it down raining all dayyyyy, we only get like 1 week of sun a year and the rest of the time its very stereotypically rainy !! my day was shit but always better after taking to you bff!

also please excuse my excessive use of exclamation marks idk why but to me a full stop feels mean and I also use ellipsis way too much but I, like you, am the drama so I love to build unnecessary tension...

I've actually always wanted jury duty but I've never been called for it, I know it's meant to be so boring but I want to live my jury duty delusion of being a hot juror! a torrid jury love affair? hello I'd read that fic

spring break always sounded so fun to me as a sad English child!! we just call it Easter holidays and be boring and religious but when I hear spring break I imagine drunk people on a beach in florida yk?

my current obsessions for blogs are;

-lottiecrabie (pfms has me in a chokehold)

-toomuchracket (living in the flatmate! matty delusion rn)

-byyourside28 (loving the soft sound series as a person obsessed with getting tattoos)

-justlikemebutsixfootthree (literally all their smut is god tier)

-bookishstrawberry (fluffy and gizmo series has my heart)

-imightgetbetter (the whole love it if we made it series has me wanting children but only fictional ones with matty... the delusion creation is STRONG)

and OF COURSE the no 1 blog on tumblr is the beautiful, amazing and unmatched... shinycollorboneapologist

omg yes to only letting matty into our cottage to sing, we will bring him out tea and cigarettes but otherwise no rats allowed sorry ratthew!! taylor however gets the master suite with a 4 poster bed and unlimited pampering!! same with Ross, George and Adam bc only ratty needs humbling (I really do love you tho Matthew give me one chance I'll be your controversially young gf)

ily bff!!!

-ace (my new name rip illicit affairs anon you will be missed)

ps. apologies for the ridiculously long ask I literally am so obnoxious

..... i love gilmore girls. lets chat abt that.

okay that is very ... warranted. i also was super nervous and tbh ... style was probably never going to be posted but i was a bit inebriated after my birthday and just posted it without looking back. look at us now!!! so for that, i say you should 110% just take the leap. i will be your #1 fan actually.

i will send the sunshine and good vibes your way. i usually like the rain a lot, but i can imagine it gets a bit tiring if its like that all year long. im glad you had a good day!!!!

i love your use of exclamation points okay. there i said it. it just makes everything you say feel so excited and happy and i love it. the ellipses ...... love that for us. ofc you are the drama, you're the main character hello.

that is how i want my spring break to be, but alas i am working and writing my silly little stories for tumblr.com. SGLJFDLG easter holiday just sounds so cute though?

okay can we talk about pfms.... because that. that fic is my hyper fixation atm. like i just … it’s everything to me.

also all of those blogs i follow and love more than life itself. most of them axtually inspired me to write myself which is like 🫂 i use all of them as my silly little delusional daydreams (esp toomuchrackets flatmate!matty, the things i would do for that man and justlikemebutsixfootthree’s recent smut… jeez)

please you are too kind. idk abt no 1 blog BUT… i’ll take it okay.

maybe some cheese too, since he is a rat. taylor gets the master suite with us, we’ll bake her little cookies and biscuits and give her the best pampering treatment of her life. (also pls let’s not conjure matty to my blog … that would be so embarrassing to me i think i would keel over and die) (i also will fight u for the spot of matty’s controversially young gf)

ilysm and i hope u have a great day

[transrightsjimin]

im sorry im not rly in the BE hype atm :((

rant coming which has nothing to do w the album but everything w stress nd fatigue nd crying nd more job stress nd sensory overload and me turning everything into a worse issue in my head etc etc

i was this morning when i saw the mv nd watched the vlive but i obv slept way too few bc i went to bed late nd woke up early for the live and i had to rush a lot w errands nd an appointment w my autism coach nd at said appointment we called a dude from the municipality to inquire abt jobcoaches nd it turned out we misunderstood what jobcoaches are as they are who u get referred to when u have a job, nd the guy found it hard to figure out what type of trajectory(?) would best fit me for help nd now i have time to think abt it and will speak him again in 2 weeks or sooner if i want to. im just so tired nd a bit hungry and on edge and one sec, im in the side of the house tht faces kids playing around aka screeching as if theyre dying every second nd its majking me only more on edge!!!!

but urgh i cried so bad during the appointment and was prob way too rudde to her before the appointment, bc she talks loudly nd sounds rude nd confronting but just naturally bc ofher tone nd language nd urghgh h thikning abt jobs nd trying to talk nd not cry too hard when trying to explain stuff to the man over the phone was rly hard, like obv its fine if he knows im crying but its just hard to talk when crying nd im just so devastated thinking abt jobs!! i dont know what type of job i could handle nd it feels like im making everythig up bc i did somehow finish two studies in uni and im privileged enough w education and whiteness tobe more easily selected for a job by e.g. last name on my cv and i shouldnt be this picky but god i cant handle smth as physically demanding and underpaid as this, im tired 4/7 days that im not working nd what i earn in those 3 days is still not enough to cover rent bc they pay only for the delivery time itself instead of more hours!!! it just feels like wtf am i doing bc the municipality guy did admit im not the usual person he works w bc i had an education, as if i dont belong in the group but its really just an issue of having -100 confidence and no job experience!! like i rly dont strive for a fancy job or ‘’’career’’’, i just bneed something that i can pay my monthly expenses w and have a bit left to save up for e.g. emergencies, additional medical bills (like the 350 euros from the adhd diagnosis and therapy, which my autism coach will contact my adhd therapist abt, like if that bill can be delayed or split up in a payment plan), paying back for loan debt eventually and MAYBE soon god forbid i save up for smth fun. and i “need” the job also to have a daily activity and some structure in my life bc a large part of the reason my schedule is so fucked up is bc i have no more set time tht i need to be anywhere or any strictness or reason to get up nd so i just dont ghhh

im always looking for reasons why i cant do smth and why smth would go wrong and im already looking at every area where getting help w getting a job can go wrong like e.g. me being too stubborn abt companies i dont agree w or me thinking i cant do anything just bc i have not much working experience outside of mail delivery :(

nd then there was this A B C task list system my adhd therapist proposed in wihc i keep track of my most to least urgent + important tasks every day nd we werent sure where to keep track of that kind of list and she suggested sticking a paper to a wall (i think id rather use my wardrobe) to write it on and change or replace that every day and it sounds like a hassle but i rly need to do it every day, nd i can try other methods but thatd be either writing it on my phone but im not always on there nd theres not a type of file i can make that doesnt move back chronologically as i make new notes

ALSO im just very frustrated w myself bc my mom wanted to come over w food and i know she was too sudden w it but if only i left on time for the stores it wouldnt have been an issue. i feel like shes rly sad she couldnt come visit. fucking hell i rushed so much back and forth from the stores that i forgot to put the leftover letters from work yesterday into the outdoor mailbox and i already stress abt this bc my current teamcoach (aka manager) is more stricter w this stuff nd recently asked for a statement / explanation by me on why there were 29 letters w/o sticker from a route i did  counted from the collected mail that were in outdoor mailboxes, and i did not do that but my only alibi / reason for not making that huge mistake was that i hadnt posted any mail yet that day and obv he wasnt happy w that. i sometimes had dreams / nightmares recently where i was late again or fucked up w a new route and got fired for it and thats quite an awful scenario / fear to me bc thats exactly why my dad was fired by his previous employee, for being late too often nd we’re the exact same. it just sucks bc i know many ppl who worry abt being late arrive to early at shit bc lol anxiety but i still arrive late every day WHILE being stressed abt it nd my whole fucking issue is that i need to break w bad patterns MYSELF, like whether i get help for autism stuff or adhd or sleep or whatnot, the homework / assignments / tasks / advice they give me, in the end i still need to be the one to do it and push through and make a change or put more effort into not going continuously back to the same distractions or demotivating black-white thinking

just URGH im so easily annoyed nd sensitive, also as in sensitive on a tactile level nd it doesnt help tht my room is a mess nd im super stinky from bts BE excitement and from squeezing my skin a lot last night, nor does the fact that i have rly bad coordination / awareness of my surroundings nd continuously bumping into shit or getting caught on smth help, which is also another reason im just so slow at work bc if i try to walk or deliver mail faster i keep end up bruising nd tripping or tear my hands on all these hard to move or sharp mail box slots if im not careful nd slower, which does still happen but not as bad when im careful

im also rly dizzy rn from haing slept too few and just urgh i “need“ a stupid fucking job, i need the money i need the structure but my god does actual labour and having to deal w colleagues every day and trying to keep up w stuff and be fast and precise enough in whatever the job is, sound horrifying hhhgghgh

OK RANT OVER IM SICK OF ME TALKING SO MUCH

[lu-vas]

do u got any baptiste tips? hes a lot of fun but i wanna get better at him!

ive been practicing a fuckton of baptiste this year and i finally reached 50 hours on him so im excited to share tips. im just warning that i dont play competitive and really just play quick play or arcade but i still work hard and study up to get gud at him despite that. im not sure what baptiste tips you need specifically but i guess i’ll do a Baptiste 101 with each of his abilities

biotic launcher-healing grenades

all i have to say about his primary healing is that it should be 70-80% of what youre doing during the match. also aim it at the ground instead of directly at players so you have a greater chance of hitting them

biotic launcher- damage

his gun is pretty clunky and hard to get used to but once youre decent at it you can be very effective at doing damage, like zen level effective, so make sure to use it when your team doesnt need healing atm

it’s also hitscan so focus pharahs when you have the chance. you can also wipe tracer out pretty easily and be a problem for her if she’s trying to get into your backline (if ur aim is good enough, but its super hard for me lol). also focusing fire on the enemy supports can be really helpful

regenerative burst

since this ability has a long cooldown, my thing with regen is getting as much Value out of it as you can because it helps a ton with emergency healing

if im not solo healing then i usually don’t use it to only heal myself unless its an Emergency. i’ll usually wait until either others around me need healing too or my 2nd healer takes care of me. im also very cheap with it but you know what, this ability don’t come cheap!

best used during intense team battles when your team is taking a shiton of damage as emergency healing along with your healing grenades. when youre pumping the grenades into them coupled with regen burst it can be super tough for the enemy to kill them 

sometimes i use it to emergency heal the squishies around me who are being difficult to hit due to them jumping up and down from taking fire or whatever it is

in theory its good to use before/during one of your dps is using an ultimate that makes them vulnerable (genji/reaper/pharah/etc). it also wont really save you from most offensive enemy team ultimates

immortality field

this ability is the bane of my existence

obv we know its best behind corners during team fights

obv we also know its super effective against a bunch of enemy ultimates (grav, dragons, dvabomb, deadeye, barrage, pulse bomb, tire, meteor strike, blade, blizzard, gravitic flux, shatter, config tank) so tracking enemy ults is helpful. 

timing is also helpful too, e.g., wait till rip tire/dvabomb gets close so the team cant destroy it before they land, wait till youre taking damage from grav/see if youre gonna take any damage at all, etc

throwing it behind a blading genji forces him to have to do a 180 to destroy it & disorients him

you could argue that it’s not as effective against death blossom and tac visor BUT i have a few tips for them

death blossom: i usually wait for during/after the 2nd “Die” to throw down the field, assuming my team has most of their HP already. this means that the remaining duration of his ult has to be spent killing the field, and your team wont have any deaths and will maintain around a quarter of their health

tac visor: this one’s trickier since soldier takes it down pretty quickly. you can wait till he uses a little bit of it to throw it, you can chuck it behind something, you can use it to give yourself/your teammates a little bit of time to get out, its just super dependent on the situation but can be effective if the situation is read right

torb’s lava destroys it (unless you strategically place the drone next to the lava), emp hacks it, bob targets it when he realizes he cant kill an enemy, too much knockback on winston & roadhog’s ults to place it effectively

super helpful when the enemy team is jumping your bastion, gives him the opportunity to just wipe them

super helpful to save individual teammates from potential oneshot abilities like charge, hook, mei freeze, trying to get through a sniper nest. id say doomfist too but realistically it happens way too fast to react quickly enough to it

during team fights i usually wait to use it when the team is taking too much damage that im not able to out heal

a lot of this ability is 1) management and 2) quick reactions and really the only way to get good at those is to practice him!

amplification matrix

use it to either 1) initiate 2) counter-initiate or 3) during big team fights

it’s a throw away ult in all honesty, don’t be afraid to be liberal about its use because youll get it back in like 2 mins

i find that most baptiste players place it directly in front of them but i find it most effective when placed further up in front of the enemy team instead, it gives more of an opportunity to be used by the rest of your team

yes it can be placed in front of you to allow you to emergency heal during big team fights but i have to move around so much at those times that i dont find me getting use out of it from that? im still trying to figure out how to best use it to amp heals but i havent yet :/

comboing with bastion is pretty fun. comboing with mccree, soldier, roadhog, or bastion when theyre ulting is even more fun

im still learning how to best use this ult too, its whats taking me the longest to figure out about bap’s kit tbh

exo boots

this is such a good ability to give yourself high ground so do just that! just make sure youre not isolating yourself to get shot at. getting high ground allows you to see the playing field clearer, give yourself more access to heal your team, keep yourself safe, and throw down immortality field at key moments to save your team (e.g., your entire team getting earth shattered)

also be careful not to be that guy and get sniped because of it LOL it makes baptiste very slow moving and predictable

once you get a finesse for it, you can use it to dodge, avoid damage, give yourself more access to heal, etc, but its all about practice

if you think youre about to get meteor striked, save yourself by charging them up all the way and jumping after you see the red circle. you’ll still take damage but you’ll maintain like 50 something hp

if you cant get out of blizzard you can delay getting frozen by jumping up all the way. you’ll still fall back down and freeze but it gives mei less time to kill you

its good practice to keep to keep it charged at all times just in case (but i dont even do that LOL its still good practice)

thats all i have for now there’s probably many more good tips about him & maybe some of this isnt even right but its what i learned from playing him since his release :) he’s one of my favorite heroes to play and very very fun. not only that but he’s in the current meta for the first time which is exciting. everyone should pick up baptiste!

[sunshineonamission-blog]

January 30th Wednesday 1:38AM

So basically Tuesday

Do i even remember this morning

This morning I woke up and I was just so. Tired. So tired. Like hard to move in a literal way. 

It was either this morning or yesterday - I think yesterday but when I went to open my blinds to let the light in it was like blue. Maybe that was Monday. Anyway.

Last night I slept in the dark with the door completely closed and the kitchen light off. I guess there was nothing scary to me about the dark anymore.

This morning I took a painful shower and I got dressed in my lined mom jeans that I’ve been avoiding and my grey turtleneck, and my denim jacket. I knew I’d sweat through the turtleneck. I was in denial. I packed a bag. I made some tea. I put my last lara bar in my pocket. I walked to Ryder. 

Meeting with Jesse at 8:45. Was amazing. 

I blabbed and he actually made sense of it. 

So. Sounds like you like to make shit. 

Yeah. 

If you wanna do the new york thing and pound the pavement for a while you can. If you want to stay in boston... you can. 

“I’m not fuckin corporate Northeastern. I want what’s best for you”

“You have permission to act. To be a theatre artist.”

“I give you permission to not know what you’re doing right now.”

- Summer. Berkshire Theatre Co. or Shakespeare & Co. or work and make money and “make a bunch of shit. get your friends. --> his best man runs Shakes, he used to run Berkshire: “it’s... grueling. if you wanna kinda pay your dues and train...”

- Fall. As many studio classes as possible. Acting 2. 

- Playwriting, Directing, movement at some point, voice& speech, viewpoints

- He said I could get into movement right now. Ugh. Yesterday was the last day to drop a class without “withdrew” on transcript. 

- If I wanna do a BFA program and just grind it out and wear black every day and be in a conservatory setting I can- probably not gonna be this year. That’s okay.

- MFA is an option. Maybe not recommended unless you have a trust fund or a strong desire to teach

- “Your makeup as a human being seems right. To be an actor. You have a seriousness but also a goofiness. You need both.”

“For the sake of your health, just maybe breathe...”

“You have time.”

“I know a lotta actors who direct. My wife does. I know directors who act sometimes.”

It’s weird right. You’re here for theatre and surrounded by like. STEM majors. They’re robots. 

Keep the conversation going when I need to. 

Advice for acting & life: don’t wait for someone to teach you. don’t wait to be instructed. If the opportunity arises to learn and do, do something. 

Kick ass in acting tomorrow. 

“you’re okay. You’re in the right place. in terms of like. mindset”

I was really just beaming walking outta there. I was excited. I changed into the acid wash jeans and too tight flowery converse and acadia sweatshirt and made my way to curry while i scarfed down the lara bar

Had like 15 minutes so I sat and researched summer programs a little. Obviously he said berkshire was grueling sooo that’s where I wanna go.  - must do more research and maybe a second more soul searching and then just start prepping

Okay shop for 4 hours. Climbed scaffolding. Super grateful Julia Chase a normal human being was there.  Mätthew’s nice and it’s fine. I hate Jenny. Jeanie. Whatever her name is. And that other kid whose name I don’t remember but he has an absurdly low voice and a beard and he’s tall and he’s stupid. I apologize for the strong language. Ultimately I don’t hate them I just like can hardly stand being around them because they’re just so cringey and rude and like the combo makes me want to go off. It makes me wanna be like yo. Jennie. I know. And stop holding the screw while you drill. That’s why you keep bleeding. But we got a lot done and especially when it was just me julia and matthew i really did like save the day with my ideas several times. fun! draining though and hadnt eaten in like a while besides the lara bar

Home. Was gonna research summer while eating my ubereats smoothie bowl because Jugos closed at 5 and it was like 3 and i wanted to sit and eat and research. No thank u Bgood u are a heartbreak at the moment. 

Accidentally didnt put in my address for ubereats. What was in there was Park Plaza. Mhm. Ow. I called to fix my mistake but it was already on the way. 3 miles away. via bike. Angry ubereats biker. 

I went to atm at MARINO and got money out, crying, came back, waited. Called mom weeping. He got here. He was biking away. What? I said hey excuse me he said “it dropped. It fuckin dropped. Im sorry okay you wont get charged it dropped.” I made him take $10 and apologized for the mistake and he said he was sorry for freakin out, sorry for making me cry. He made me think of Maddie Dinsmore. SO, MUCH. He said you’re a female I’m sorry I hate making girls cry and I said oh no trust me you didnt. I said the address I sent it to by accident was just a place I was at with my boyfriend like a month ago and we just broke up and I never order ubereats but i was really hungry so it made me cry.

And he said youre obviously hungry and you didnt even get your food and offered to go get me something from nearer by. He said he was moving to california on friday. I gave him the $10 and said no no that’s fine but good luck in California.

 I don’t know why I felt the need to overshare to this stranger. I think it was two things. One was that I saw someone who felt very badly and who’d just biked 3 miles and who wasnt getting paid for it. I am a decent liar sometimes. When it seems like the right thing to do. Or at least I have been. But I’m so fuckin done with that. Not a bone in my body had the capacity in that moment to say oh no it’s not you I totally just bombed a test I literally just didn’t have it in me. But I didn’t want this person to have any guilt or sadness from today. So I just told the truth. Because yeah he was mad and it made me cry but ultimately it wouldn’t have if not for the circumstances. Because the circumstances made me feel stupid and like essentially I started feeling well enough to eat and okay enough not to be scared to eat or to at least be brave enough to leap that hurdle and the universe said fuck you. You should be hurting. And you tried to eat and this is what happens. I don’t believe that to be true. It’s just how it felt in the moment. 

And I’m also just so heartbroken and it couldnt hurt to tell this person that I’ll never see again, who could judge me if he wanted but whose judgment would ultimately have no bearing on my life

Back inside. Back in bed. Talked to mom. 

Made eggs. 

Ew.

Felt super anxious

In bed totally checking daniel’s snap map and thinking he was auditioning. 

I’m so glad he’s auditioning. 

I wonder if he knew that he could’ve auditioned last week. 

I texted him when he was out and asked. He did. I’m glad. 

We talked for a while. I said more than usual. I dont put the screenshots of texts here because we don’t need to torture ourselves. 

I told him I just wanted him to be happy. He asked if id gone to any parties which blew me away because of course not. 

I told him about miss you like hell

I told him about my ubereats experience

I told him I was scared

I asked if it had to be til we were 25 to come back around

I said I wanna take it back

He said he was gonna marry me

He asked if I was okay

He knows.

He told the boys it’s only me he’s dating ever

I miss him like hell

My heart doesnt beat the same without you

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in) 

Ryder. Piano and singing and writing a song. Curry. HW with mia, my creative dna

Library w max ben maddie riana 

ava had stopped at max’s lobby cause she was scared of a sketchy van so when i left i walked with max to ava so that we could walk home together. 

Ava thinks she gets it but she doesn’t. I appreciate it but she doesn’t. 

I’m in bed. This is a no teeth no face wash night but it’s okay because no makeup today 

I’m very tired and it’s 2:16 now and time to go to sleep 

Goodnight

[blindfoldorders]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL MAKES WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER. TAG THIS WITH THE PEOPLE YOU WANT TO GET TO KNOW BETTER. ( mobile again because tumblr on my laptop is hecka slow. )

Tagged by: Yonah Tagging: @cursedangelyoru @thekindchefofhoritsuba @kurosamaofsuwa @prudentiae @missninetails

( BASICS ) Name: Alice / nickname: Kidako or kid ( when gaming )

Age: 19 ( 20 next month, EW. )

Preferred pronouns: She/Her

Taken or single: Single Pringle ☆〜（ゝ。∂）

Three facts: Uhhh, the top series im into atm are Tales of and DrakenNier, I have 2 Mikleo keychains for ‘good luck’, and im not very confident in my writing skills yet.

( EXPERIENCE )

How long? ( months/years ): Uhm… 7 or 8 years I believe. @yoru-aurion introduced me to it when we met a really long time ago!

Platforms you used: Gaiaonline, FACEBOOK and tumblr.

Worst experience: Probably Gaia online honestly.

Best experience: tumblr. Im just now getting back into actually because of another friend and wow has it been amazing! I really missed this and I love this fandom so much!

( MUSE PREFERENCES )

Female or male: This is actually my first male muse I believe? I used to do genderbends here and there. But now I don’t really care.

Original or canon: Canon. Im ashamed of my OC's.

Favorite face claim: Uhh… 9S is the only one im using now so-

Least favorite face: I don’t really have one?

( WRITING PREFERENCES )

Fluff, angst, or smut: Usually im All up for angst and everything ( lol I got excited last night when a couple characters died in my game despite it hurting. ) but for the past few days I’ve been craving some fluff! Smut I will never ever do though!

Plots or memes: Either is fine! But plotting a bit more since it’s more to go on and gives more practice. Although I do tend to answer memes more and faster.

Long or short replies: Either is fine here as well but I prefer long! Im trying to up my writing skills so I try to do longer replies for that!

Best time to write: When I don’t have my mind on video games and when im not tired. There’s not really a specific time. It’s also gotta be quiet and I have to be unbothered to focus.

Are you like your muse(s): Im not exactly sure myself honestly. But I’ve been told before that people are often similar to their muses. Lol, if that’s true id be worried because of a past muse of mine.

[burntpickletime]

(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?

Half way open

(2) Do You Have Freckles?

Nope but my brother does and im very jealous

(3) Can You Whistle?

Yep

(4) Last Song You Listened To.

Listen before I go by billie eilish

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour?

I don’t have one, I like them all but probably blue

(6) Relationship Status.

Single ahahhaha

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now?

I’m always really cold but it’s rather cold outside from what I’ve heard from other people

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky?

Nah

(9) How Many Followers?

1,100 I think

(10) Zodiac Sign.

Scorpio

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour?

Green mixed with brown

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily?

Nah

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower?

Sometimes

(14) What Books Are You Reading?

Kyle in chains 

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.

“But he held out his hand and I took it.”

(16) Favourite Anime? Future Diary or Kakegurui

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

One of my irl friends I sit next to in Advisory

(18) Do You Collect Anything?

Globes and Porcelain Dolls

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch?

I didn’t eat anything

(20) Do You Dance In The Car?

Depends

(21) Favourite Animal?

I don’t have one

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics?

Only for gymnastics 

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

1am

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?

Nope

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

pool

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog?

I don’t usually go on tumblr that much

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

bottled

(28) What Makes You Happy?

South park and my south park online family

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

I cant put gifs on this so uhh poop

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

with

(31) Dogs Or Cats?

Cats

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be?

Purple or Pink

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox.

Xbox

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

Lake

(35) Do You Believe In Magic?

Yeah

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing? Red and Black

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue?

Yep

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It?

I spend it

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

The bedsheets on my trundle bed

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

South Park 

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

definitely

(42) Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

Yes

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams?

Yes

(44) Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

Never been on one but I am going on one in November

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

A dog’s purpose

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

Sunflower seeds

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

Melanie Martinez

(48) Are You A Picky Eater?

I don’t eat that much so I guess so

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

YES

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning?

Nope

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write?

yeah

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud?

yes

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

Wrap presents… pumpkins are kinda smelly owo

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?

Of monsters and men - Wars

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)

Fall

(56)What Are You Craving Right Now?

A fuckign girlfirend

(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.

no.

(58) What Is Your Gender?

female

(59) Coffee Or Tea?

tea!

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

I have biochem homework

(61) What Is Your Sexuality?

I don’t really like to label myself at this point but I guess you would say questioning.

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

No

(63) Favourite Pokemon?

Pyukumuku or Umbreon

(64) Favourite Social Media?

Instagram!

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

They used to be really stupid but I use them quite often now so I think they’re cool.

(66) Do You Get Homesick?

Yes

(67) Are You A Virgin?

Yeah-

(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?

Idk like some mint shit

(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?

Sleep in my car :/

(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

Yes

(71)  Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

Countdown

(72) Do You Miss Your Ex?

Yeah :/

(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now?

Idk man I don’t look at quotes. Probably “your penis sucks” from inspirobot.me

(74)  What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest?

BLUE BLUE BLUE

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

Yes and Yes

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

Burger from McDonald’s

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?

BitLife

(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?

Yes because everyone deserves to live. Also it depends on whether what they need is CPR or not. Like if they’re fucking bleeding from their stomach I wouldn’t give them CPR but if they were almost drowned I would.

(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

Nope not yet

(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

Yes

(81) Do You Like Meeting New People?

Yes

(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.

Nope

(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

Closed

(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today?

Cried, Slept, Embarrassed myself

(85) What Do You Wear To Bed?

The clothes I wore in the day or some shorts and a t shirt

(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

I don’t really use any besides moisturizer

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person?

Night

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.

Too many

(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

I had a dream about my grandpa (deceased) and he told me that there were many Gods. This happened a while ago.

(90) Favourite Soda Drink?

Pepsi or Sprite

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite?

The sounds of how fast my fingers are when I type on my keyboard

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?

Sweats

(93) How Do You Look Right Now? Tired and sad

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You.

My dog or the song “Agoraphobia” by Elita

(95) What Tattoo Do You Want?

I want a heart on my left wrist

(96) Favourite YouTuber?

LoeyLane or Pewdiepie atm