#i was thinking of colouring this but the idea of colouring tech's armor 5 times made me want to die

[mandoposting]

Shhhh he's sleeping.

[foreverbeingthunderbuddy]

Prove Myself [Part 3]

Pairing: Peter Parker x female!Reader

Warnings: Cuss words (a lot of them sorry)

Summary: Having powers and being able to do things that others can’t do is something you don’t want to deal with on your own. You want to help. You want to be an Avenger. A dream you had for years, finally coming true? Too bad, nothing goes as planned. Being new in NY is hard enough, more so as you develop a crush on one of your new classmates, Peter Parker. The plan? Make the Avengers aware of you and then have them come to you. Easier said than done.

A/N: Whoop whoop here’s Part 3!! Thank you so much to everyone who read the other parts and who liked or reblogged or messaged me!! I appreciate all of it so much <3 (Gif by @saltybatman , thank you for letting me use your gif!!)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

So. Spider-man has called his people to deal with you. That means trouble. Big trouble.

Looks like things don’t go as planned again.

---

Run or stay. Run or stay? RUN OR STAY?!

What should you do? The Avengers are literally coming for you. You can see them. Flying towards you.

Iron Man in the middle, being accompanied by War Machine, Falcon, Scarlet Witch (kind of hovering?) and Thor (being pulled by his hammer?).

There is no Captain America or Winter Soldier, no Hulk, no Black Widow and no Hawkeye. They either stayed away because they can’t fly and they will join you later or they were busy. That doesn’t really feel like a relief, though. Tony Stark alone would have you running for the hills.

What to do? What to do? Wait for them and talk to them? Maybe try to convince them you’re not evil and actually want to be part of the team? Risk that they don’t buy it, see you as a threat and lock you away in their facility?

You did attack their home. You paralyzed their arc reactor. Stark Industries kind of relies on that tech. Not much you can work with here. That whole mission was a mistake. Stupid stupid stupid.

“I’m sorry” Spider-man says behind you. Oh, so at least he knows he was being sneaky by calling Death in an iron suit and his deadly (awesome) friends to take over. How nice.

Within a second you decide to make a quick getaway. This is definitely not good and knowing your luck, you will most likely end up behind a glass pane in some laboratory.

You turn around and start to run. You get two metres between you and Spider-man before you feel your feet glued together and stuck to the ground. Very ungraceful you fall on your knees. Shit shit shit. As fast as possible you get back up and try to escape from your spider web-ankle-cuffs. Obviously, that doesn’t work.

“Let me go!” You demand, panic filling your voice. You look at Spider-man, your eyes full of fear, trying to reach his empathic side. “Please!”

As an answer he simply crosses his arms and looks at his feet. No help from Spidey. Of course he’s loyal to Stark.

With a wildly beating heart you watch as Stark and his posse land on the roof about three metres away from you. If you thought seeing Iron Man, live and in colour, land before you with the Stark Tower in the background yesterday was impressive, than this is simply off the charts. It looks like a well-practiced choreography, like a group of superstars coolly taking the stage. And Spider-man.

You don’t dare to say anything, you’re too busy with staring at everyone. How absolutely mortifying would it be if you passed out at this exact moment?

“Great to see you again” Stark sarcastically says as if you weren’t glued to the ground and wouldn’t be bolting as soon as you had the chance.

And again. The scarf and the beanie were a great choice! The idea of your own superhero mask becomes more and more appealing to you. You wouldn’t risk losing the beanie or scarf while running around the city and having your identity revealed. If you go out – as originally planned – you will need a better outfit for saving people and doing good stuff.

“Hm-hm” You agree carefully, not sounding very excited. Facing the Avengers makes you shy and very, very nervous and you don’t really trust your voice right now.

Before Stark can say anything else, out of nowhere another person appears next to Thor, making you jump. He is in a silver, metallic looking suit with red parts on his chest and stomach and he wears a strange silver helmet. This must be Ant-Man.

You have only seen one picture of him which was taken by an anonymous person that was there during that big airport fight. They took a lot of blurry pictures, one of them being a shot of Ant-Man who, for some reason, was bigger than the airport building. The pictures are the only proof for the public that the Avengers had something to do with the demolition of the airport terrain. The lucky person who took them sold everything to a magazine; it being the biggest story of the month.

Another anonymous source later told the same magazine the name of the giant. Ant-Man, ironically.

“Hi, sorry, I can’t fly. Sam was so gracious to carpool with me” Ant-Man jokes and puts his hands on his hips while throwing a glance at the other Avengers. The way he stands makes you think he is sulky. Looks like they had an argument about who would have to bring the littlest Avenger to this inquisition. Apparently, the fact that there even was a discussion hurt the ant’s feelings.

If this hadn’t been such a serious situation, you would have laughed at that.

Their leader starts to speak again.

“I know our first encounter was far from pleasant, but I and the team were hoping we could resolve-” Iron Man says and thinks for a second, “this thing.”

Interesting choice of words. Resolve this thing. You suspect you won’t feel too fond of the way they plan to resolve this thing.

“Who are you?” Thor asks, clearly not devoted to the script. Iron Man and War Machine throw glances at him whose nature remain hidden under the metal of their suits.

So, Thor is the spirited one of the group. Good to know. You try to contain your excitement about the fact that these really are the Avengers and you really are finding out internal trivia about your idols that the public doesn’t know.

Who is the temperamental and who is the restrained one? Who starts fights the most and who ends them? Who is the mom-friend and who is the one that gets in trouble the most often? Who is the funny one and who is the work one?

Bruce Banner and Tony Stark are the intelligent ones, you know that already. It’s safe to say Spider-man is the kid of the group, being new and the youngest. Thor obviously is the most vivacious of them. What about the others?

Being wildly caught up in your own thoughts, it takes you a couple of seconds to realize that you are supposed to give an answer, seeing as Thor asked you a question. You clear your throat. Unfortunately, you have no idea what to say. No way in hell will you let the Magnet-Man incident happen again.

“I uh … I … I am” You mutter, thinking hard. Welp. Magnet something. Magnet-Person. Magnet-Girl?

“I am … MG” You finally say, or more accurately ask. Pretty sure self-confidence works differently.

“MG?” Falcon – no, Sam (according to Ant-Man) – inquires incredulously. You hear Ant-Man snort.

“Like the car brand?” Sam asks. Oh, of course. Of course, there’s a car brand with the same name. Wonderful.

A muffled giggle comes from Spider-man. Thor looks very confused while the Scarlet Witch wears a frown on her face.

“No!” You are quick to contradict. “Like Magnet-Girl.”

“Magnet-Girl” Iron Man repeats contemplatively.

You nod. “Yes.”

“Before you guys showed up, she said magnetism was her thing” Spider-man reports, his face towards Stark. He is still trying to distort his voice, making it sound deeper than it naturally is. Thank god, he didn’t mention your Magnet-Man faux pas. That would have been the end of you.

“Okay, Magnet-Girl, so magnetism is your thing? Believe me when I say I noticed” Stark says with a tone that edges on humorous. “You can imagine I wasn’t too thrilled about the fact that you invaded my property and manipulated my arc reactor. I also wasn’t too happy about having my suit paralyzed and then having you run away from me. That was rude, so I expect an explanation. And an apology.”

Nope. Not going to happen. You definitely won’t explain your “masterplan” to the Avengers and bear that humiliation. But you can make an apology. You probably should. Just not make it too easy for him. They are holding you here against your will, after all.

“I won’t apologize to an iron mask” You say pretending not to be scared shitless.

You see Thor smile and Sam raise his eyebrows while Spider-man, Ant-Man and the Scarlet Witch wait for Stark’s reaction. War Machine just stares at you like a guard dog.

Stark hesitates for a second before shifting.

“Okay. Fine. Let’s do this face to face, then.”

He takes a step forward. At the same time his suit opens in the front and retreats to his back, revealing Tony fucking Stark himself. In a black suit. He steps out of his Iron Man armor and casually adjusts the suit shirt on his wrists.

He didn’t have to go that hard, he could have just uncovered his face. But as far as you know him – from watching interviews and public appearances on the internet – the man loves a dramatic entrance.

Immediately, you feel star struck. You hadn’t seen his face yet; he always wore the iron suit when dealing with you. But now that you are face to face with him and see his face up close in person and not just through a screen, you feel overwhelmed. This feels like meeting a celebrity.

You absolutely admire the man and worship the ground he walks on. All confidence you had five seconds ago is gone. Took a train and is now on its way to Bolivia.

You can see the wave of alertness going through the other Avengers that followed Stark’s self-exposure. They still don’t know what you are capable of and wether you have bad intentions or not. As far as they are concerned you do have bad intentions and seeing the head of their group put off his armor slash protective clothing seems to cause a certain tension.

As if you would ever hurt Tony Stark.

“So, kid. I’m waiting” Stark says calmly. He tilts his head and spreads his arms as if he’s saying Hit me with that remorseful apology, darling. He really doesn’t want to make this easy, does he. You take a subtle breath.

“I’m sorry I attacked your Tower, Mr. Stark” You mumble, “I can’t really tell you wh-“

“What? What did you say? Would you speak up, please, I can’t understand your mumbling, kid.”

You are too intimidated by everything to get annoyed by that remark.

“I’m sorry I attacked your Tower. I didn’t have any bad intentions, I can promise you that. I just … I’m a big fan, actually.”

They did not expect that, you can tell. Ant-Man makes a noise that sounds like the verbal equivalent of “?” and looks at his fellow team members for an explanation.

With your last comment Stark drops his arms and raises his eyebrows in a very A little surprised but not bewildered way. So do Sam and the Scarlet Witch. She stares at you so intently, that you have a feeling she’s trying to read your mind. Spider-Man doesn’t show any emotions through the mask, but his spider eyes widened. War Machine throws a glance at Stark before returning to stare at you motionlessly.

Thor is the only one who looks amused by this whole thing. He smirks to himself and twists the Hammer in his hand. You earthlings must seem quite strange to him sometimes.

“Well, Tony, looks like you found yourself another admirer. She seems less of a threat and more like an ally to me, if I’m being honest with you, friend” Thor says in a mocking tone.

The God of Thunder may have just risen up on the list of your top favourite people. Have you ever mentioned how much you love blonde guys with an obsession for hand tools?

The rest of the group doesn’t look that convinced, unfortunately.

“Tony, you don’t actually buy that, do you?” Sam asks with a frown on his face.

“We must not lose our prudence just because she is a kid. This could be part of her plan, Tony” War Machine says; this being the first time he opened his mouth since they landed on this roof.

“Tony, we don’t know her. She may not look like she’s lying but it could be one of her powers. Like Loki. Don’t trust her on this. She attacked our home, don’t forget that” The Scarlet Witch says. Her words create an uncomfortable feeling in your stomach. She obviously dislikes you. Seeing her open disapproval of you doesn’t go well with you.

Also, comparing you to the God of Mischief is quite an insult, if you’re completely honest.

“I promise- I promise I’m not lying. I don’t mean you any harm. I would never try to hurt you or anyone else. I’m on the good side- I’m on your side!” You say, slowly getting desperate.

This conversation is going into the wrong direction. This is exactly what you feared would happen when you decided to escape. Which regrettably got prevented by Spiderboy. Speaking of – the boy apparently decided to contribute to this nerve-racking discussion.

“Why did you paralyze our living room area, then? What kind of fan would do that? In what way does that have to do with admiration for the Avengers in any way?” Spider-man asks, sounding very bewildered. And quite … hostile.

Ouch.

It hurts more coming from him. He is your hero, your crush, the person you look up to and the person you aspire to be. He and Stark – they are your idols. When you planned this, you didn’t expect them to dislike you. You expected them to be impressed by you and to ask you to join their team. You should have never attacked the Stark Tower. You should have just started to be like Spider-man and waited until they became aware of you. It would have taken more time, but then you WOULDN’T BE IN THIS FUCKIN TERRIBLE SITUATION!

Stark throws a puzzled glance at Spidey, seemingly surprised by the youngest Avenger’s little outburst.

“I … I can’t tell you that. But I promise I didn’t do it to harm you. It was something … I really can’t tell you that” You say helplessly.

“I believe her” Ant-Man announces, catching you completely off guard, “Guys, she is a kid. Can’t be older than sixteen or seventeen. She doesn’t look like a threat and she doesn’t sound like a threat. You’re taking this way too seriously, Stark.”

“Am I? So, you think she’s not a threat? You think the person that is able to shut off an arc reactor and mute an entire floor of one of the highest secured buildings in this country is not a threat? You think those actions are motivated by good intentions? How exactly is that the work of an ally? Can you explain that to me, Lang?” Stark inquires.

Double Ouch.

Both Stark and Spider-man dislike you. You sense your heart sink a little at that realization. Years of dreaming – crushed in a single night. You suddenly feel sad. All of this makes you incredibly sad.

“No, I can’t, but I’m just saying. She seems harmless. You heard her. She sounded sincere to me and I-“ Ant-Man aka Lang begins, but gets interrupted by Stark.

“With all due respect, Lang, you haven’t been an Avenger for that long. I’ve been doing this for almost a decade now, so naturally I have some experience with dealing with stuff like this. And I say, we can’t trust her as of right now. What she does and what she says contradicts itself and she can’t give us a good reason why she did it in the first place.”

Oh no. Oh no no no.

Stark takes a look at your still tied feet. “Well done, Spiderboy. It was the right choice to call us; this concerns all of us. You can tell me how she ended up on this roof when we’re back in the basis.”

You ended up on this roof, because Spider-man has woken you up. Why has he done that, you start to wonder. There was no need in putting your attention on him, in the middle of the night. And how Stark put it, it was also not part of their plan. He probably was only supposed to keep watch.

Interesting. You look at Spiderboy, but he avoids your glance and nods at Stark, before staring at the spider web on your feet. You feel Stark’s eyes on you.

“Magnet-Girl, I don’t intend to let you run away from me, again, so I’m gonna keep this short” He says portentously. You fearfully reciprocate his gaze. He looks very serious, not a single emotion can be seen on his face. Oh-oh. A bad suspicion crawls up into your mind.

“Let me introduce you to the Scarlet Witch over here. Or how we call her, Wanda.” He points at the woman next to him who doesn’t break her gaze from you. “Your thing is magnetism. Her thing is neuro-electric interfacing, telekinesis and mental manipulation. Incredibly powerful. And, in this particular situation, very helpful. See, we don’t know what you can do yet, we know you can command some type of magnetic waves, but we don’t know the extent of it. Who guarantees us that you don’t lie to us about your powers? Who guarantees us that you don’t suddenly use some type of magnetic shock wave or that you use your abilities to mess with the blood circulation in our bodies?”

“I do. I guarantee I won’t ever do that. I promise!” You say quickly, eager to wipe away his distrust as fast as possible. He wrinkles his nose for a second before an almost sympathetic look crosses his face.

“I’m sorry, but that’s not enough, coming from you.” He throws glances at his team members, which apparently means something because they all shift and take a step towards you. Your heart starts beating faster as you see the determined expressions on their faces.

And then Stark says the one thing you have feared the most, ever since you fled from the Stark Tower the day before.

“Wanda will use her abilities to paralyze any type of magnetism that you try to send in our direction, so that we can operate freely without your interruptions. For your and our safety we will stun you, so maybe you should take on a sitting position, unless you want to fall and smash your head on the ground. Sorry kid, we are taking you to our base.”

---

Tag list:  @brightcolorsoffendme @sonal-ily @courtneychicken @lionheo04 @just-call-me-trash-can @yourwonderbelle @willowtighe @theeaniilsson @laurie-ofmoonlightandstardust @wowpeterparker @tienna-laufeyson16 @spaceandstars @n-ghtwind @dulcetminds @the-black-panthers @prancingdestiel

[get-rammed]

Long Dong Silver

Just gonna slap down some basic info on all my characters. It's gonna get long. Also a few retcons to previous characters. Oof yeah, it got LONG

Dakota-7 - age: 123 - class: Titan - race: Exo - height: 6′5″ - Ghost name: Cassie

Personality: Good fucking dude. He’s an incredibly happy guy. Always nice, never mad. Like seriously, he’s a genuinely good dude. Will give you the clothes off his back, and if he has none to offer, then he’d help you find some. He’s too nice though. Often is taken advantage of. Also super naive about a lot of things. Tries to see the best in even the worst of people. Which usually just ends up with him hurt. Which is why Cassie is a panicky worry wart of a Ghost.

Background: Woke up inside of a tree. Like straight up. A tree grew around his body. Took Cassie a long fucking time to get his ass out. Traveled alone for a long time before Cassie finally was able to convince him to go to the city. He’s not anyone real important. Just a mechanic that occasionally helps out Amanda. Doesn’t know much about his past life, and is told it’s better if he didn’t know. He’s okay with that. Gotta focus on the now.

Fun facts: Vex are the one enemy he CAN’T go near. His tech was built heavily off of the Vex to the point that there’s a small backdoor they can use to override him and basically puppet him around (thankfully there was very few of his model produced for this reason). He has no memory of the incident that barred him from ever going near the Vex, but he’s told he’s better off not knowing.

-He’s a good mechanic. People go to him for uh, not quite legal Sparrow mods to be equipped. Ones Amanda can’t apply as the Vanguard watches her. 

-Learned to speak the enemies language so he can chat with them and trade parts every now and again

-As gentle as this boy is, and as kind as he is, you’d think he’d be a huge sub. WRONG. He’s a hardcore dom. Very demanding and vocal. But always makes sure his partners are having a good time. Sweet boy that loves to cuddle his partners

Alexis-137 - age: will not share - class: Hunter - race: Exo - height: 6′1″ - Ghost name: Ripper

Personality: She’s quiet. Cunning. Always watching and listening. Loyal as hell. Keeps most of her personality to herself. Less people know about her the better. 

Background: A contract killer that got the option for an upgrade she couldn’t refuse. Smart, fast, and no remorse. A brutal killer that survived the Collapse. Still went after her targets, just found a few were now a little harder to kill. Easy enough when she figured out their new floating friends had to go. World may have ended, but she still keeps her word. Ripper came to her and told her what he was and then what she was. She brushed him off at all points. Gonna add a bit for Ripper here as well. He had to swallow that his Guardian was a murder. One that had no issue killing other Guardians. So long they were on her list. She only knows all this now, because she kept a journal. Knows everything about her past life. Refuses to forget every life she’s taken. It’s not fair to them. Even though she’s far nicer now than she was, actually cares for Ripper now an all that, she still kept up her business.

Fun facts: 137 is not the amount of times she’s rebooted. She’d be completely nuts if that was the case. It’s the amount of Guardians she’s silenced.

-She has never once rebooted. Fit perfectly with her new body and anything she saw, she was supposed to see. As hardcore as she is, she’s still far nicer than she was when Ripper first found her.

-Dakota is her actual son.

-A previous set of Vanguards asked Alexis to be their silencer so to speak. Someone spoke out? Shame. The current Vanguard don’t like the idea of her and told her to leave.

-She’s the reason Rook isn’t an active Guardian anymore. She was ambushed and missed her shot at his Ghost, simply wounding her instead of killing her.

-Her and Manthres have had a long history with a lot of clashes. End up getting together because they’re both old and tired.

Rook-14 - age: 289 - class: Titan - race: Exo - Height: 6′6″ - Ghost name: Kari

Personality: Kind older Exo. Tries to be everyones hot dad. Kind of keeps to himself a bit. After his Ghost was attacked he went private, too scared to talk to a lot of people. Became a little paranoid. (He’s a newer character. Still workin’ on em). Dispite his almost kind of harsh intro to most people, he’s still a huge flirt

Background: He used to be a well loved and popular trainer. He just wasn’t quiet on his opinions on the Vanguard in power at the time. Which landed him on the list. He knows someone tried to kill him, he doesn’t know who, but it worked. He survived the incident with just Kari getting hit unfortunately, and had to keep quiet. Opened a bar on the city and now gives advice if you buy a drink. 

Fun facts: Found and trained Alison. Also taught her how to swear

-Sugar daddy material. Like straight up. He fucking loves getting his babies anything they want. Adores seeing them happy

-A giving partner. Honestly just loves to go at it honestly. Nothin’ real special about it. Unless he can convince Riot or someone to join in. Then it’s more fun for him. Double dick a partner ;)

Alison-1 - age: 97 - class: Titan - race: Exo - Height: 7' - Ghost name: Ophelia

Personality: Alison is that big sister that hits you over the head and calls you a moron all the time. To be fair, you were a moron and she was just making sure you knew. It's in a loving kind of way though. Kind to those she trusts, and cautious with those she's unsure of. She can be a wee bit unapologetic and brash. She's a Titan, what do you expect. Alison is hot tempered, a little cold a times, and is far more powerful than most Guardians. With a resting bitch face and a height that towers over most, she's intimidating through and through. A little over confident. An by a little I mean A LOT. She can admit she’s not the brightest though. Much rather fight shit than talk to it. She’s quick witted and street smart though. Scan talk just about anyone out of something if she wants it. A little vain, never catch her armor being the same colour for more than a week.

Background: Alison was found and taught by Rook-14. She didn’t like to listen, and he didn’t have the energy to deal with a cocky new rez. He taught her patience and a good way to shut up the new guys. Shove them into enemy fire and wish them the best of luck. She had the opportunity to learn more about herself in the past and turned it down. With the nightmares she has of her previous life, no thanks. She was a high ranking Guardian that used to just get sent out to take out high priority targets as they knew she would get it done. But found herself being punished for going against what was asked of her. It saved her Fireteam and another one. The Vanguard appreciate what she did, but they still had to punish her. Which landed her in a training position. She found it fun. She likes training new Guardians. Makes sure they know how to hold a gun properly and protect themselves if they’re out of ammo. Guardians trained by her have a better start than most. 

Fun facts: While she doesn’t know why, but she always gets terrified when someone goes down. She knows they’ll get up, but she’s terrified that they might not one time. 

-Often has nightmares of the Vex. Ophelia assumes its part of how she died. Alison avoids Vex if possible. She also avoids sleeping, which she already has a hard time due to being an Exo. Which means she always kind of tired

-Guardians trained by her, appreciate what she’s taught them and often bring her gifts

-Often used as a bodyguard when she’s not assigned to train

-Can and will throw your ass out of harms way if you’re not listening to her. Don’t want to stop fighting that thing that is way stronger than you? TOO BAD. TUCK YOUR ARMS

-Is one of the first working Exo prototypes. As such, she often experiences issues with parts of her just not working right. Sticking or just shutting down. If the Light had been gone for more than five years, good chance Ali would have died. A fatal flaw was found in her model of Exo after her disappearance. Too soft a metal was used internally and eventually the part breaks apart and slowly tears the inside apart. Incredibly painful and slow way to die. She’s good though. So long as the Light doesn’t go out again

-As a lover she can be either sweet or vicious. Depends what's asked of her. She's a giant softie for her partner(s). Lots of gifts and a fuck ton of attention all the time, but especially after she plays rough. She adores making her partner feel amazing

Yana-9 - age: 67 - class: Warlock - race: Exo - height: 6′1″ - Ghost name:  Jenka

Personality: Over confident asshole Warlock. Smarter than you, and she’ll make sure you know it. Can admit though that she can’t fight very well, which is why she always has a bodyguard of some form with her. Flirty as hell

Background: Yana woke and knew nothing of herself, but knew she had to research something, anything. The city provided her the opportunity to study various Golden Age tech and history. They assigned her Riot. They got along well, sometimes a little too well if ya know what I mean hur hur. Then during a regular mission gone wrong, Riot dipped out to guide some Cabal away from Yana. She was knocked unconscious and couldn’t respond to Riot’s calls. She was found and taken away to safety by some passing Guardians. Yana didn’t know what happened to him for the longest time and just assumed he left her for dead. Five years after the incident Mena found Riot and forced him to apologize to Yana. First thing she did was slap him then hug him. Now they’re cool, but aren’t really quite on talk like they used to level

Fun facts: Currently poking around Mars by Ana’s request

-Fast. Like she’s stupid fast for a Warlock. Easily outrun a Hunter or her bodyguard if needed

-Once talked some Hive out of killing her. She was out of ammo and her bodyguard was down for the count. She just started yelling weird facts she knew, and they got so fucking bored they just left her

-Got her name from her Ghost saying “Yeah, nah.”. Her original name has been scratched out

Riot-4 - age: 4378 (he's a long living alien. He's a little older) - class: Titan - race: Rokin - height: 6'7" (30' in his actual form) - Ghost name: Cherry

Personality: before his incident he was over confident and a massive narcissist. Very much all about him. Gave little regard to anyone but Yana, the Guardian he was protecting. After his incident he calmed down a /lot/. He's still over confident, but now it's so he doesn't cry. He's a huge coward. He's now a "I'm depressed, have PTSD, and I want to die every second I'm alive, but at least I'm hot?" kind of person. Relatable. He's a lot sweeter now. A very giving partner. Out for their pleasure over his own. A little on the grosser side, as he constantly flirts and makes dirty jokes toward everyone. He can't turn it off at this point

Background: So like, I introduced an alien species to Destiny, because I can. The Rokin. Giant shapeshifters. He was part of a scouting crew. Come to Earth, see if it's fit to be used as a resource planet and come home. Didn't work out that way. The crew got stranded, with the remaining being Riot and Mena. She died and he got stuck by himself. He survived the collapse and just kind of lived as a drifter. He ran across a smell he knew and damn near screamed. MENAOHTHANKFUCKYOU’REALIVEOHMANIWASSOSCAREDDIDYOUKNOWSOMEWALRUSLORDSREALLYDON’TLIKEOTHERPEOPLESGHOSTS? BECAUSEBOYHOWDYTHEYTRIEDTOKILLCHERRYLIKETWICE. THEY’REKINDAMEAN. ANYCHANCEYOUWANTTOLIKEPROTECTMYASS? THANKYOUDEARMANYLOVES. He was excited when he ran across her as a Guardian to say the least. Zavala assigned him to be a bodyguard for Yana. It went well until they got separated and he assumed she was dead. He's a weenie and blended in with the Cabal instead of facing the Vanguard. For five years he had to act like a Cabal. Which meant killing and torturing Guardians. It fucked him up pretty bad. Mena found him on accident and was quick to drag him back to the city for him to explain what happened. He left out the killing of Guardians part. Only his friends know

Fun facts: Riot is a huge fucking slut. Uses sex as a coping mechanism. Keeps his body and mind busy. He always enjoyed sex, but now just does it to keep busy. Also a pretty kinky bastard. Loves the weird stuff. Kind of a huge sub, but will dom if requested. Would rather do quick and hard without learning names. But doesn’t mind slow and easy with learning about his sexual partner. Shape shifting comes in handy for when he wants to go get a good egg dicking from a Hive Knight. Fun fact. His dick is at default an ovipositor. Rokin come from eggs. He can make it anything his partner wants or needs. Unless he’s bottoming, then dicks don’t matter

-Thick as fuck southern accent. He needed to learn English, and he needed to learn it fast. Family he hid in liked western movies, and had southern accents themselves. So he adopted the accent when speaking English. Other languages he doesn’t have the southern accent, but instead mimics whatever accent he learned the language in

-Was once mated to Mena. They have two kids together, but due to a rather harsh dispute, they lost their kids and their lives. Which is how they ended up on Earth in the first place. They had a lot of time to talk about it and are a little better with one another. To where Mena will allow Riot to join in on outings with her and Dakota. Kota never minds, he likes Riot. Mena would love to have the both of them, but she’s still got some deep seeded rage against Riot that won’t allow him in that way again

-Is terrified of relationships due to a lot of the things that happened to him. He knows he’s got a lot going on mentally and emotionally, an he doesn’t want to dump that on someone else. He’s also still hurt about Mena even though it’s been well over 600 years. Which to be fair isn’t a lot to their species

-Due to the Rokin being a species the Traveler isn’t familiar with, it was unable to take their memories

-Not banned from Crucible. Mostly because Shaxx thinks he’s a giant weenie, which he is, but also because Riot won’t even step foot in a Crucible arena now

-Dis boy can cook. Took up cooking when his anxiety kept him up at night. It’s also how his friends know he had a nightmare, which he gets a lot of. If there’s a sudden large amount of food for them, well, Riot couldn’t sleep. Usually find him passed out in the kitchen somewhere. Mena drags him back to his bed and lays down on top of him. He still likes sleeping by her. Her weight and just having a living body near him, helps him sleep a lot better

-Constantly has nightmares. Can’t sleep for shit most nights. Often slinks into a friends bed to sleep next to them. He’s not weird about it. Just kind of flops down next to them. They all have blankets in their rooms now for him. Unless he goes into Alison’s bed. Then that’s just to get fucked and enjoy her aftercare

-He just really wants someone to hold him and make him feel loved tbh. He’s got a whole lot going on and can’t function right anymore

Mena-4 - age: 3897 - class: Titan - race: Rokin - height: 5' (40' in her actual form) - Ghost name: Fletcher

Personality: She got some pretty heavy retcons from the orignal post I made about her. She’s still a happy nice being. Can actually experience any emotion at any level. She doesn’t show other people much about herself outside of being nice and quiet. Keeps her on peoples good sides. Too many people have tried to cross her and she had to embarrass them in front of everyone. Sassy needy little thing. Not that anything she says you’ll understand, but it’s how she moves that tells you, you’re being taunted. That or Fletcher laughing and translating will let you know. 

Backgroud: She was sent to Earth to blend in with our top scientists to see what was being studied. She performed her task perfectly. Started chatting, well, started interacting with a guard, Dakota. Ohhhhh what a coincidence I know. They get together, and adopt a kid together. Mena goes to work and has to help one of the first gen Exos wake up. Alison. Ali, uh, didn’t wake up happy. Woke up confused and angry. Too bad her claws were designed to tear through metal, because Mena’s skin was soft. I’m saying a freshly woken Exo Alison killed Mena on accident. Lol whoops. Woke up at the bottom of a lake.To say Fletcher was surprised is an understatement. Not often your Guardian turns out to NOT be human, but instead an invading alien. Alexis had helped Fletcher look for her Guardian. She wasn’t surprised about Mena’s form. As in her journal it said her daughter in law was an alien and dumped in this lake. She was just a little surprised she had Mena’s Ghost with her. Alexis filled her in and gave her advice. She took Alexis's advice and dooted around as an Exo. On her way to the city she ran across Riot. Dragged his ass with her. Alexis introduced Mena and Dakota just to see what would happen. Dakota obviously has no memory of Mena, plus last either had seen of the other they were both Human. So Mena is just meeting some random Russian named Dakota who just happened to know the same Alexis she knew. Oh shit wait, you have a picture of your wife? Shit boy that’s me. She kept that part to herself as to not freak Dakota out. It’d be weird to know everything about someone while they know little about you. So she’s letting the relationship rebuild naturally. It’s going well

Fun facts: Mena and Dakota were married before the collapse. Obvs. It was on accident, she never meant to fall for a Human, but he was SO SWEET

-Mena was stuck learning to understand Earth languages as fast as she could so she could understand our maths and sciences, but she didn’t have time to learn how to speak any of it. Leaving her effectively mute on our planet. She’s trying to learn some now. Dakota is attempting to teach her Russian, Alison Spanish, and English from Victoria. It’s not going well. Fletcher translates when Mena speaks in her own language

-The Vanguard know of her and Riot. Know what they are. The Vanguard ask they keep it secret, as the regular people already have enough to worry about. Nothing about Mena and Riot would be a comfort to them

-BANNED FROM CRUCIBLE. She would always make bets she could do matches without dying or taking any damage. Of course when you can make your skin soft and squishy, or hard as hell, it was super easy. Shaxx caught wind and since he know what she is, he had to bring down the ban hammer. Plus she’s fucking wicked with a gun. Got a lot of complaints

-Soft girl. Like so soft. Squish squish. Just likes to get fucked. Don’t matter how. Just give it to her. Usually likes to be the power bottom, but doesn’t mind changing it up For her the more the merrier. Same goes for relationships. Her and Dakota have an open one. Could include a partner or two for sex, or to just join their relationship. They don’t mind either way

Manthres, Slayer Of Light - age: 683 (there’s no real data on Eliksni life spans sooooo) - class: variation of Titan - race: Eliksni - height: 11′ - Ghost name: Veros

Personality: Old and kind of grumpy. She’s been through a lot of shit and literally just wants to die already. Sarcastic. Grandma to literally everyone though. She hated Guardians, Human and otherwise, but ya know. Kind of had to reevaluate after Veros found her. Now she just wants all her children to come back from their missions safe. Absolutely will not take your advice. She knows what she’s doing. She’s old what do you expect

Background: This has a few changes from what I’ve said in the past. She is an Archon Priest for a long dead house found herself at the doorstep to the House of Devils. As their Priest role was filled at the time, she just got a high ranking Captain position instead. She didn’t mind. She didn’t get as much Ether, but still enough to survive in her massive form. Ran with them for years until Siva. Then her and her crew noped the fuck out. Found themselves as outcasts. They were enjoying a successful Ether grab when the Cabal attacked their ship. Everyone was dead outside of a hatchling, Xinos (who, yes I’m aware was originally spelled Zinos. I straight up DO NOT KNOW how I fucked that up. But at this point it’s just going to stay Xinos), and Manthres herself. She laid dying and she was so thankful. Finally her pain would go away. Lol nah dude. Howdy I’m your Ghost, let me just heal ya real quick. Veros convinced her to go the city and meet her new leaders. She begrudgingly agreed. Everyone stepped out of her way when she showed up. Everyone stared. Not every day an Eliksni Guardian shows up. Even less so when one is as big or well known as Manthres is. Needless to say her reception wasn’t a warm one. Even from Zavala who was informed he was her Vanguard as she was a variation of Titan. Everyone is a lot kinder to her now, but that still doesn’t change what she’s done. Which is why she asked to stay dead after she dies. She doesn’t want to forget her life or those she’s killed. That’s not fair to the lost lives

Fun facts: She had to drop the ‘Slayer Of Light’ part of her name for obvious reasons. She earned it in the first place from a dying Guardian that was sent in a Fireteam to kill her. The information on her was blurry. No one knew she was THAT big until she showed up at the Tower. Only one to meet Manthres and survive is Alexis

-She has slaughtered hundreds of Guardians without caring to learn their names. But we do the same to her kind in the thousands. Who between the two of us is really the bigger threat?

-Riot taught her how to bake cookies. They’re not the best but they’re not ass either. She likes to make them for her Fireteams. Likes to give them out after missions for a mission well done

-Has gone on raids. But only to the Leviathan as Calus is kind enough to allow her to watch and still get free shit. Mostly because his tailors need time to measure and make her armor. Gives them something exciting to do. NEW BODY SHAPE OH HELL YEAH. But also because she is a rarity upon his ship

-Not a fan of how people are now pushing her to stay back in the city. She understands they don’t want her to die, but she has to someday. She’d rather die in the field than among the penned cattle

Victoria-1 - age: 3 - class: Hunter - race: Exo - height: 5′5″ - Ghost name: Axel

Personality: She is an incredibly new rez. Still in the “I’m going to do everything because I can’t die.” phase. Little firecracker. Hyper as shit. Likes to stick things in her mouth (thankfully she has Teren now so shE’LL STOP THAT SHIT). Kind of ditzy. She never cared much for learning. Not when she can snoop around to find neat shit and stab people

Background: Woke up on Venus and touched everything. Poor Axel. He wanted a Guardian that explored, and he got one, but he’d have liked getting one that would stop trying to fucking go places she can’t be. The Vanguard gave up on even trying to get her to do the missions they want her to do. She never does them, and when she does she half asses them. They let her do her own thing until she mellows out

Fun facts: Met Teren on the Leviathan. Asked him for a tour and sucked his dick in the Underbelly. They’ve been happily together ever since. She often calls him Sweet T

-Alison trained her. They often talk still. Mostly Victoria just blowing up Alis phone with pictures and texts of what she did for the day. Ali doesn’t mind. She thinks it’s cute

-Can see and react to things really well, but is actually pretty deaf. Neither her nor Axel know why, and looking for the right part to fix her isn’t going well. It’s a small piece that’s super delicate to the point no one bothers to scavenge for them. No one minds speaking up for her. If she can’t quite hear them, she watches lips, if that’s not an option, then Axel just morse codes it at her in flashes. It’s the best she’s got

[ampedupkaon]

They Could Have Been Good...

This (not so) little article is about cards that could have been good cards; if they were changed just a little bit.

First off is probably the most infamous Super Rare Transformer; Windblade, Combiner Hunter.

Because her flip to alt ability is actually quite a good ability; letting you play the top card of your deck if it has at least 2 different colours on it. If it doesn’t, you get to see what it is anyway! Her bot mode ability is… bad. There’s no other way to put it. It might as well not be there in 99% of games since how often are Combiners used anyway? If they ever become the meta; she might be useful. Anyway… she might have been a good character if her bot mode ability read: When she attacks -> Each of your characters get Pierce 2 until end of turn. If she attacks an enemy in Combiner mode -> Each of your characters get Pierce 4 instead. This would mean Windblade would actually have an ability in any game; one which gets better if she is against a Combiner. There is an action that gives each of your characters Pierce 2; so the idea isn’t unheard of…

Now on to battle cards and first we have Bombing Run.

Which would be good since you could potentially fling 5 damage at an enemy… if it worked the same way as Pop A Wheelie and Hunker Down work! It would have been better if it did flip your bots to plane mode first; since all of your bots would be in plane mode to fling the damage.

Next we have two similar but opposite cards; Shock Absorbers and Cybertronium Bow.

One of which is an armor that flips all oranges to blue when defending; and the other is a weapon which flips all blues to orange when attacking. Which sound amazing, don’t they? The only snag; you have to flip exactly the same number of blues and oranges for them to work! Which is so difficult to accomplish. They might have been better if they worked like Inverted! does; swapping the colours over regardless…

Next up is Rally The City.

Which lets you draw X cards; where X is the number of characters on the battlefield. Not bad that; the only problem is you have to have Metroplex on the battlefield to do it! If it worked like this: Draw a card for each character you have on the battlefield. on the other hand… It might be more useful than Work Overtime is in certain decks; and Work Overtime is a useful card!

Next up we have a Combiner upgrade… Aerialbot Formation.

Which… is really weak. It gives the upgraded character +1 attack for each of your other tapped Aerialbots. Which… come on, is only useful if the bot who has it attacks last. Sure; it is a good boost but… surely that bot will get KO’d first? It might have been better worded like this: The upgraded character has +1 attack for each of your other Aerialbots on the battlefield. Then the upgrade would give +4 to whichever Aerialbot equipped it; whenever they attacked. It would probably be in decks if it did that; since the Aerialbots seem to like blue!

Then we have… Bumpers.

The car upgrade everyone forgets about, and with good reason! It prevents damage counters being flung at the upgraded character. And how many cards fling damage? Not that many! It might have been better if it was worded more like this: Damage counters cannot be moved on to the upgraded character. If the upgraded character would take non-attack damage -> Scrap this card instead. Then it actually serves a purpose; even if it is just once. Probably still wouldn’t go in a cars deck but…

Then we have Bad Attitude.

Which was supposed to be the Decepticon equivalent to Press The Advantage. So… why is this so bad in comparison?! Perhaps it might have been good if it was blue/green for pips, like Press The Advantage is orange/green. The ability is actually quite solid; the lack of pips is why this card doesn’t see play, I think.

Now for some Rest and Relaxation…

Which… is such a bad card! A shame really; since I love the art on this card. Medic! is better; and you don’t tend to see that one getting played! Perhaps this card would have been better as a green pip Medic!; like Pocket Processor is a green pip Data Bank.

Next up is Underhanded Tactics.

The way this card is; it is a blue Zap in the majority of cases; and you don’t use Zap! This card might be better if it repaired a Decepticon on your team regardless of if you KO’d an enemy with it. Or perhaps it could have worked similarly to Frag Toss; doing one more damage if you control more Decepticons than your opponent does.

Then there’s Tech Research…

Which does absolutely nothing! It’s a card that you wouldn’t consider using even to get the Superior Upgrades; they get played from other abilities. Jetfire, Air Guardian can grab you Superior Jetpack and Superior Plating from the scrap pile and Hunker Down grabs the Superior Plating for Tanks. They get round Tech Research; so it gets ignored. Maybe if it said, say Draw a card. it might see play for those Superior Upgrades. Not an amazing ability; but one that means at least it does something when you play it!

Now on to two cards that maybe should have been one: Backup Bag and Spare Parts.

I think what they do individually isn’t bad; but would have been better as one card, instead of splitting the abilities across two cards. Backup Bag will save a Grenade Launcher or Force Field; just once! Spare Parts will save your Battlemasters from your opponent’s nasty scrapping cards though, so both are useful.

Now on to 2 cards that seem pointless to me… Compact Shield and HV Electron Breacher.

Compact Shield is a black pip version of Armor Plating only for Autobots and HV Electron Breacher is a black pip version of Primary Laser only for Decepticons. You wouldn’t play Armor Plating or Primary Laser, so why would you play cards that do the same thing but are actually worse! At least they granted +1 on defense; these only give Pierce 1, no attack or defense boosts. My head says these could have been better if they were blue/black (Compact Shield) and orange/black (HV Electron Breacher) then they actually have their uses; since Wizards seems to be angling Autobots to be defensive and Decepticons to be offensive.

Now we have Diagnosis.

I can’t help wondering what this card was supposed to be called before its name got changed… I don’t get why it draws a card if you began with all Autobots… Surely it could have been a perfect mirror of Frag Toss; repairing an additional 1 damage if you began with all Autobots? Ratchet would have definitely approved of it!

Lastly, we have Hazardous Shield.

This card should have had some reason for your opponent to want to scrap it. It only gives +1 to defense; which isn’t enough of a boost to make your opponent want to scrap it (you wouldn’t use a Bashing Shield if the opponent’s only armor was a Bashing Shield, would you?). Maybe if it was +2 defense… Of course, you can scrap it yourself; but that makes you ponder why you would play it in the first place… You could play a Bashing Shield to do just about the same thing and you can grab that! However, I’m assuming that Revenge on here would trigger when this card is scrapped off a character… Of course, I might be completely mistaken about this card; and it might see play as it is…

Maybe we will get cards that do things like some of the (made up/fixed up) cards I described here, or maybe we’ll get ones with new skills, like a [colour] pip that you can play one of it when it flips (similar to green). Imagine [colour] on a card like Zap or Pep Talk or Cooling Vents for example. Only time will tell!

[lesbrarians]

Junkrat/Roadhog: Voyages Ch 5

Title: Voyages

Characters: Junkrat, Roadhog

Rating: R

Summary:  After a rocky start and some ups and downs, Junkrat and Roadhog are officially partners, even if things haven’t progressed quite as far as Junkrat would like. With his treasure at the heart of their grandiose plans, they take their adventures overseas and leave their mark on the world, for better or worse. (Mostly for worse. They’re criminals.) Sequel to “Origins.”

---

Busan, South Korea was a drastic, if welcome, change from Tokyo, Japan. A slogan on the side of a bus declared it as "Busan: The City of Tomorrow," which Junkrat found particularly hilarious given the lack of modernity compared to the high tech, urban scene of Tokyo. While the seaside metropolis had undergone renovations in the past few decades, the sleek metallic towers that had sprung up looked out of place next to the tiny, colourful houses and historic statues that dotted the city. After leaving the beachfront districts and high rise skyscrapers behind, they picked their way through a maze of winding streets in search of a place to sleep and store their motorcycle when it wasn't in use. Their options were limited, progress impeded by steep streets that were punctuated with staircases and alleys too narrow to fit both the chopper and its sidecar. They weren't going to get as much use out of the bike as they had in Tokyo if they stationed their hideaway in this area of the city. Neither of them minded all that much, though -- it just meant they would have to be more creative when it came to plotting their getaways.

“At least it’s a pretty view,” Roadhog commented.

"Yeah, s'different," Junkrat agreed, studying the mural of a skyline that spanned the side of a bright blue shanty house. "I like it!" The district they had stumbled across was a vibrant, artistic community, and Junkrat itched to contribute to it. He made a mental note to pick up some spray paint so that he could tag buildings as he saw fit. Then, not trusting his brain to retain the thought, he told Roadhog, who assured him that he would add this item to their agenda and remember it in case it slipped his mind. There had been too many incidents where Junkrat had forgotten something and needed a reminder. His short term memory was dreadful; if he didn’t actively work to commit something to memory, the chances of it occurring to him later were slim. If he tried, it wasn’t bad -- it was why he was so good at engineering all of his devices. The subject fascinated him, so he had committed himself to learning all the minutiae of wiring things together and the properties of various explosives.

But he just didn’t care enough to exert all that energy to concentrate on things all of the time.

After scouring the quieter districts of Busan, they came across an abandoned neighbourhood opposite what appeared to be the richer parts of the city. Half of the buildings were demolished, leaving nothing behind but rubble, but there were several still-standing hovels littered with graffiti. They picked a relatively unassuming place that blended in with the landscape: brightly coloured, peeling paint, tags from local gangs spray painted on the siding. The shack was painted in the same yellow of Roadhog's shoulder armor and Junkrat's varied devices, and it felt like home. They parked the motorcycle behind the house, well out of view of anyone who happened to pass by, and shifted some refuse around to make it less conspicuous. Just in case.

Bad posture and a wide stance meant that Junkrat’s height went unnoticed, but Roadhog had to duck significantly and edge in at an angle to squeeze inside. The interior of the building was a dump, but it was no worse than their past living conditions. They had electricity, at least: Busan was one of the first mainstays in South Korea to convert to free solar electricity to power their city.

“Home, sweet home!” Junkrat said brightly. Roadhog dropped their omnipresent duffel bag while Junkrat removed his RIP-tire. They both shedded the rest of their gear and promptly passed out for two hours, taking a well-earned nap.

It was evening when they arose, the skyline tinged a burnt orange, and they ventured out in the city to acquire food, money, or whatever they could get their greedy hands on.

Acquiring their startup funds for South Korea was a team effort. Roadhog bumped into a businesswoman, causing her to drop her purse. Junkrat rifled through it while she stammered out an apology, all eyes on the massive mountain of a man who towered over her. Her wallet was stuffed with coloured bills, mostly green and red notes in increments of 10,000 and 5,000. Clearly the South Korean won operated under a greatly different system than yen, which seemed to be roughly on par with the Australian dollar.

Junkrat saw the opportunity to supplement their earnings by lifting a second wallet from a tourist's half unzipped backpack (“Come on, that’s just askin’ to be robbed! Stupid tourists don’t change, no matter the country, eh?”), and he seized the opportunity. He was delighted to find bright yellow bills inside: his favourite colour, and it was the most expensive at a denomination of 50,000.

They found a tented street stall -- pojangmacha, the vendor called it upon welcoming them -- and sat down on the narrow, creaking benches. After studying the prices on the signs, Roadhog slid across several banknotes from one of the wallets. The vendor was remarkably pleasant towards the two, admittedly scary-looking, shirtless Australians who were hungrily eyeing his wares. He spoke some English and cheerfully named each of the dishes as he served them.

After confirming that there was no meat in them, Roadhog favoured the dumplings (“So-mandu,” the vendor said). Junkrat, on the other hand, immediately zeroed in on the skewers of panko-crusted cutlets. He dimly heard the name, donkkaseu, but he didn’t care about the attempt to educate him on the local food, he just cared that it was delicious.

“What is this, pork?” he said through a mouthful of meat. “Oh, Roadhog, mate, ya got no idea what yer missin’ over here!” He ripped off another savage bite.

“Stop,” Roadhog warned him. Junkrat still had a hard time wrapping his mind around Roadhog’s vegetarianism.

“What, it’s good!” He swallowed and grinned. “Can’t help it if I like pork, can I? Speakin’ of which, think that’ll be on the menu tonight? Just a lil’ taste?” He snickered and nudged Roadhog with his elbow.

Roadhog tilted away from him. Junkrat leaned over further to continue elbowing him.

Roadhog shifted down a seat, and Junkrat fell off his stool in his attempt to follow.

Roadhog laughed lowly, and it was quite clearly directed at him, not with him. Junkrat couldn’t be too mad about it when he loved the sound of Roadhog’s laughter so much. His scowl was good-natured as he righted himself.

The nights were getting colder as they entered December, and Junkrat shivered involuntarily. He was used to cold nights in the Australian Outback, but they were north of the Equator now, and this was a different kind of chill. This was the chill of an unseasonably temperate fall giving way to winter. Rosa’s sweaters were going to come in handy.

Junkrat placed a hand on Roadhog’s arm as they left the pojangmacha behind, testing for evidence that Roadhog was chilly as well, and found goosebumps. He didn’t want to let go, so instead he wrapped both of his arms around Roadhog’s bicep, even if it made walking more awkward than it should have been. The body heat helped.

“Hey.” Junkrat’s stage whisper could barely even be called that. “Think I found our first heist.” He nodded to a storefront that was advertising mink blankets, several of their products displayed on racks outside of the store. “Never understood why shops do that. I mean, I get yer supposed to go inside and pay, but puttin’ it all out there is just askin’ to get robbed. I mean, it’s practically a public service, we’re just givin’ them what they want! Bloody idiots, the lot of them.“

“Cameras,” Roadhog said, looking up. Junkrat followed suit, and he could just make out the wall-mounted camera concealed in the shadows of the storefront. “Okay, so they got cameras. But it’s the principle of the thing, don’t leave yer merchandise outside! Cameras ain’t gonna stop someone from knockin’ off some blankets. Just means they’re more likely to be recognised later. They still get the goods.” He didn’t know if he was still referring to the two of them or criminals in general, but he did know that he was spinning off on a tangent.  “So really, why even bother if yer not gonna have any actual security to stop it before it happens--” He had a hard time shutting up and holding back the proverbial word vomit once he got going, so he was grateful when Roadhog interrupted him.

“Go take care of the camera.”

“Take care of it,” he repeated. Okay, that was a mission he could focus on. He could put aside his disgust for street-displaying store owners and devote his attention to the task at hand.

He studied the camera from afar -- out of its field of view, too far to interfere with the merchandise --  as it swept the area, picking out its blind spots. “There,” he said suddenly. He snapped open the flap of the canvas bag he kept around his waist, pulling out the permanent marker that he used to draw x’ed out smiley faces on all of his grenades. Stealth was far from his strong suit, but an attempt was made as he sidled up from the right, slipping into the narrow space between the wall and the end of the camera’s line of sight. He stood up straight, gaining several inches in the process, and reached up his left hand. The marker squeaked as he coloured in the camera’s lens, blacking out its vision.

“Eh?” he said, raising his eyebrows at Roadhog, who gave him a thumbs up of approval.

They worked quickly, scooping up as many of the blankets they could carry. They came in a multitude of colours and patterns, but they were all that same, silky mink texture.  Junkrat tied a bright orange blanket around his neck like a cape, marveling at how it was softer than any furry animal he’d ever caught in one of his steel traps, before dashing off to make their mad escape.

They both bore bulky loads of blankets in their arms as they made the trek back to their abandoned neighborhood, slowing down once they were a safe distance away from the store.

They found the hole in the fence that was their entrance, which was poorly covered with a faded green striped blanket, and slipped through it. Roadhog had had to slightly widen it by bending in the edges of the severed fence, but really, they were lucky that it was as big as it was to start with.

“Not a bad haul for a first day’s work!” Junkrat said. He spotted their yellow house first and led the way. “Maybe tomorrow we can do some research, learn more about that om--”

“Shut up,” Roadhog interrupted.

Junkrat made an offended noise. “Oi! I’m not even doin’ anything--”

“I said. Shut. Up.” The terseness in Roadhog’s voice made him clamp his mouth shut -- obviously something was wrong, and when he glanced around, he saw the reason for Roadhog’s sudden abruptness.

They weren’t alone. Several houses down from their own hovel, an unkempt, middle-aged women stared from a doorway. Her appearance was disheveled, and she looked like she hadn’t washed up in weeks, a situation that Junkrat and Roadhog were all too familiar with.

They, on the other hand, looked like the criminals they were. Sure, they were cleaner than she was, given the storm they had sailed through, but their arms were laden with too many goods to plausibly be acquired through legal means. Their general apparel didn’t help dispel any notions otherwise, nor did the grenades strapped to Junkrat’s chest and the hook and spool of chain stored on Roadhog’s waist.

Nobody moved for several long seconds, until she gave them a curt nod. Roadhog returned it, and she disappeared inside a mint green house with smashed windows.

“What just happened?” Junkrat asked, brow furrowed in confusion.

“I guess we’re not the only squatters. Think she’s a former resident?” It was a good question, and it got Junkrat wondering just how many evictees had refused to leave their condemned neighborhood and lived in the ruins of their livelihood. He wondered how many homeless people had taken up residence post-abandonment, seeing an opportunity to get off the streets.

“No idea, mate. Least it don’t look like she’s about to call the cops on us, yeah?”

Roadhog nodded. “Can’t do that without implicating herself.”

The nod was a wordless agreement to keep quiet. There was no way of telling the circumstances of anyone’s living arrangements, but they all would get in trouble if they exposed one another. There was an unusual solidarity between people living in illegal or rundown places, and for a moment, Junkrat had a pang of loneliness for Junkertown. He had been one of many living in a cobbled-together city of ramshackle shanties and lean-tos, although many of its residents weren’t fond of him and found him to be an utter nuisance. Still, he had always felt a kinship with the other Junkers, even those whom he wasn’t on friendly terms with. It was a community, it was home, and sometimes he missed it dearly.

“Never woulda thought we’d have neighbors,” Junkrat mused as they entered their own illegal domain. It was kind of an exciting prospect. “We should invite her over for a cuppa.”

Roadhog was less trusting. “No,” he said firmly, and that was the end of that. “Live and let live.”

Junkrat exhaled. "If ya say so," he said. He stretched out on the ground, burying himself in a tangled mound of mink blankets. The sweaters could wait until morning. He didn’t particularly want to expose his bare chest to the chilly air after having wrapped a blanket around himself.

He had only been slightly joking when he'd quipped about wanting pork to be on the menu for tonight. Roadhog was on his mind all the time, frequently in a sexual manner, and he could feel the desperate need to get laid building inside of him. He hadn't gone so long without a regular orgasm since he first embarked on his adventures with Roadhog, when the air between them had been too taut for him to get away with jerking off. He managed here and there later on, and he had indulged a handful of times since that first kiss with Roadhog, the night they'd escaped prison. But he wasn't content with flying solo anymore, his hormones had been raging since the first time he'd seriously made out with Roadhog, and not being able to bring his attraction to fruition was becoming increasingly infuriating. He had never felt more sexually frustrated than after Roadhog's rejection of him, and he'd tried to stamp out his urges -- but Roadhog hadn't shut him down when he'd commented about "just a little taste" tonight, and it had brought all of his desires back to the forefront of his imagination.

The small, bedraggled woman quieted those clamoring thoughts, however. It didn't feel right to put a move on Roadhog with the image of her still fresh in his mind, and since his brain was no longer screaming do it, do it, do it, just jump his bones already! he decided to leave it for another day.

Besides, he was cold. He wriggled his blanket-laden body closer to Roadhog and tried to toss one of the twisted blankets over the both of them. It barely covered half of Roadhog's belly.

"You tried," Roadhog told him, patting his head.

Tried wasn't good enough for him, and Junkrat pushed himself up to a seated position so that he could drape his body over Roadhog's stomach. "There!" he said, satisfied. "See? We can both fit under one blanket if we really try."

"More like you're the blanket," Roadhog said, and Junkrat laughed. He fell asleep like that, half dangling off of Roadhog's body.

At some point in the night, Roadhog pushed him off to take a leak, and Junkrat scrunched his nose up in displeasure. He sleepily reached out for Roadhog, brushing against the ground as he searched for his missing partner. His hand brushed against something furry, and he thought it was one of the mink blankets, in his half conscious state.

Then it moved. It took a few moments for his groggy brain to register this, then his eyes flew open. There was a large lump of something next to him, about a foot long, and when it darted a few paces away from him, he involuntarily screamed. Conflicting primal instincts clashed in his head, one telling him to shrink away from the threat, and the other telling him to disable it before it could hurt him. He lunged for the creature, grabbing it in his hands.

Roadhog banged into the room to investigate, still refastening his belt buckle as he flicked the light on. A rat squirmed in Junkrat's hands, larger than any he had ever seen before. Roadhog put it best: "What the hell is that."

“It’s a rat,” Junkrat said. He brought it closer to his face for inspection, keeping it just out of reach so it couldn’t claw him.

Roadhog snorted. “No shit, Sherlock.”

“Fuck you, Watson,” Junkrat retorted. As he squinted at the rat, he saw that it was missing an eye, and a sudden surge of affection washed over him. He felt an affinity with the feral creature, and the fact that the rat’s missing body part was on the right side of his face only affirmed that.

“No, but look, ‘Hog, it’s me!” he exclaimed, holding up the still-thrashing rat. “We should keep him. Much cuter than that stupid robot.”

“No it’s not,” Roadhog said bluntly.

Well, Roadhog was the authority on all things cute and cuddly. Junkrat knew deep in his heart that Kiki had been cute, but he was loathe to admit it after the revelation that she was an omnic. Still, he genuinely thought the rat was cute in its own beastly way.

He looked at the rat in his hand. It hissed and tried to bite him. “He’s perfect,” he said, the utmost wonder in his eyes. He groped around for a scrap of food and held it up to the rat, who stopped thrashing and sniffed at it, whiskers twitching. “Okay, but ya get where I’m comin’ from, roight? This is a proper pet, like Piglet was, not some stupid omnic! I say we keep him. Think we can get him to steal stuff for us too?”

“A rat -- the animal, not you -- is nowhere near the level of a pig’s intelligence, never mind a robot that tries to pass as human.”

Junkrat hummed in suspicion. “And you’re sure about that? Bet I can tame him, at least.” He dropped the rat to the floor, and it scurried behind a pile of rubbish in the corner of the hovel and disappeared from sight. “He’ll be back,” he said confidently.  “We have a bond. Watch, we come back tonight, he’ll still be here.”

“Fifty bucks.”

“You don’t believe me!” Junkrat said, scandalised.

“No, I don’t,” Roadhog agreed.

Junkrat puffed his chest out and stood up, drawing himself up to his full height. “Alright, you’re on. Fifty bucks. Hell, I’d wager 50,000 of whatever these are!” Junkrat reached for one of the yellow 50,000 bills and snapped it taut between his hands.

“Won. Isn’t that about the same?”

“I haven’t the foggiest!”

They got ready for the day, pulling on their heavy sweaters. A fire burned inside Junkrat, determined to prove that he could forge a bond between the rat and himself.

“Actually, I think it’s less,” Roadhog said as they prepared to head outside.

“What?”

“The won.”

“Who cares? I’m gonna win!” He paused. “Win the won!” His voice rose several octaves in his glee.

He was still cackling uproariously as Roadhog shoved him out the door.

[superman86to99]

Superman: The Man of Steel #22 (June 1993)

REIGN OF THE SUPERMEN CONTINUES! Presenting John Henry Irons, a.k.a. Henry Johnson, a.k.a. Shaq-- uhh, STEEL. John is the big dude we saw emerging from the rubble of the Superman/Doomsday fight in Adventures #500. Now we find out more about his backstory: he was a military weapons designer who quit his job/whole life for some reason, and has been living in Metropolis’ Suicide Slum under an unfindable fake identity (he just switched his first and middle names around). A few weeks ago, John was saved by Superman after falling off a construction site -- so when the Doomsday battle broke out, John decided he should return the favor and save Superman. This didn’t go so well (for anyone), hence the whole “buried in rubble” thing.

(Note the “energy” being passed from Superman to John as he saves him. Artistic license, or something else...?!)

Anyway, once John is out of the hospital from that little incident, he sits down and tells the tale of his namesake John Henry to some Suicide Slum kids (including Superman’s pal, Keith the Unlucky Orphan, because this is a really small neighborhood). As the kids are leaving, they get caught in the middle of a gang fight and one of them is literally fried by some sort of hi-tech gun.

“You BASTARDS!” (Sorry.)

John chases after the gang members, and as they try to kill him for butting into their business, he recognizes their hi-tech weapons as his own design. When he gets out of the hospital (again), John decides to do something about it. With Superman dead, someone has to step up and protect the city, so John forges himself an iron-- uhh, STEEL armor designed for crime-smashing. John debuts his new heroic identity against the same gang from before after they come back to finish the job and firebomb his building.

John kindly asks the gang members where they got such sci-fi-esque weapons. Just as one of them is about to talk, he’s sniped by a mysterious lady with a big-ass gun, “The White Rabbit”. She seems to know John from before, and decides not to kill him because he might be "profitable” in the future. (I’ve got bad news for you, lady.)

Meanwhile, Metropolis is abuzz with news reports of John’s exploits. A psychic lady he saved when that building blew up explains that he’s not “a” man of steel but THE Man of Steel -- according to her, Superman’s spirit has returned from beyond and possessed the body of a man whose own spirit left him (John, after whatever happened that made him leave his old life). The still bed-bound Pa Kent seems convinced, while Lex Luthor Jr. is at least intrigued by the idea, and who knew Superman better than those two? No one. Welcome back, Superman!

Character-Watch:

The White Rabbit actually appeared briefly during John’s segment in Adventures #500, but I forgot to mention it. Here’s a gratuitous shot of her shorts to make up for it.

Plotline-Watch:

Futher evidence that John is the one true Superman: he says that when he was buried in the rubble, he saw "Fog. Angels and demons. I think my grandfather. He didn’t want me to die.” That sounds like a spot-on summary of what Superman’s soul went through in Adventures #500.

Poor Lois Lane’s life is bound to take a turn for the better now that the love of her life has returned: I mean Jeb Friedman, her douchey ex. To be fair, Jeb did wait like a week (comic book time) after Lois’ fiancee was presumed dead before putting the moves on her, so he’s not that bad.

I should also mention that Myra the Orphanage Lady has the hots for John -- she gets a new Halle Berry hairdo when she and Keith visit him in the hospital. You may now begin shipping them.

Lex Luthor Jr. orders his crony Dr. Happersen to find out who’s furnishing street gangs with futuristic weaponry. That’s his job, dammit!

And my job here is done, so click below to read the great Don Sparrow’s section:

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow):

Probably the most abrupt change from the Funeral for a Friend storyline comes in the pages of SMOS, where we’re thrown into  an almost entirely new cast of characters (aside from the much loved Myra and Keith), a great departure from the Superman comics we know.  We begin with the cover, which features probably the s-shield closest to the official one, with some slick, great looking Walk-Simonson-esque shading on the chrome of the insignia—this pattern will be a theme throughout the run of this character.

Inside the first page we get our first full look at John Henry Irons in full regalia, and it looks great.  The colours help a lot in selling the metallic look, and I love the elements of his costume that are a cheat—There’s no way a metal mask could so closely follow the contours of John’s face, particularly as he speaks and emotes.  But it looks awesome so we accept it.

As I mentioned, we can feel a bit lost being thrown into this story with a wholly unfamiliar character, so they subtly let us know which character we’re supposed to be following by helpfully putting him in the familiar red and blue as we first see him. 

To my eye, in this storyline, Bogdanove abandons his usual slick, fluid, Fleischer cartoon look for a much hatchier, urban feel.  The faces are more caricaturized (sometimes, perhaps, to a fault) and the action a lot grittier.  Indeed, I don’t remember so much violence in the first couple pages of story since before the Doomsday storyline.  The effect is intentional I think—we’re supposed to be horrified by the destruction these toastmaster weapons leave behind, but man, that smouldering skeleton of a teenager on page 4 is tough to take, as is the brock wall smeared with Irons’ blood at the bottom of page 5. 

Still, even in his first appearance, Bogdanove has this character’s physicality and wardrobe very well established and down pat.  The parachute pants go a long way in suggesting his athleticism, and also hint at a possible inspiration in the sports world, as Shaquille O’Neal was just entering the NBA (and rap and video game worlds as well) at the time. It might be a chicken or egg argument, but I suspect some of Irons’ look is based on Shaq’s, for better or worse.            

The flashback sequence of Irons’ inspirational meeting with Superman is well-told, and there’s some interesting imagery as there appears to be some sort of beam transferring between them on page 8, lending credence to the “spirit walk-in” spin this book put forward.  The full page splash on page 11 is a good one, as you really feel the heft of his hammer in his body gesture—though maybe a little more time could have been put into the face.

The low point follows soon after—no, not dead teenagers (though there will be more of them), something worse—Jeb Friedman makes his obnoxious return to Metropolis. Worse still, Lois dives into his arms knocking off his cowboy hat.  Oh, yeah, apropos of nothing, he was wearing a cowboy hat, by the way. [Max: He seems more like a fedora kind of guy.]

Page 15 has a great look at Irons’ mask, as he perches, Batman-style, on a rooftop before jumping in to bust the gun-runners.  More dead torsos follow as one of the gang gets disemboweled (and then some) in order for the Toastmasters to blast Irons.  The cracked image of Martin Luther King is an effective way of relating some of Irons’ guilt—his actions in the past certainly haven’t advanced Dr. King’s noble causes.  Rather, they’ve just made the streets a deadlier place.

We get a good look at Irons’ array of weaponry in the story as well, as page 19 features his gauntlet, which, appropriately for his namesake, drives steel railway bolts (I’ll just accept that Irons is a great shot, and ignore how utterly deadly that would be as a weapon).  We’re then introduced to the White Rabbit, our apparent villain, in booty shorts as revealing as a code book would allow at the time. [Max: See above.]

There’s a LOT of exposition to get through, and the issue does a good job of all of it—Irons’ guilt at having dedicated his life to weaponry, and donning a costume to atone (shades of the first Iron Man film), some interesting issues with power, race and inner-city crime (with both gangsters like the White Rabbit and big businessmen like Luthor trying to take full advantage) some history on Irons’ own tragic childhood, and also some upsetting scenes with Lois and Jonathan Kent dealing with the emergence of all these new characters.    

STRAY OBSERVATIONS:

Does John Henry have eyebrows?  They seem to be missing in his closeup shot on page 4, and elsewhere.

GODWATCH:  John Henry prays he’s wrong when he sees the what looks like an old weapon of his on page 4.

The story makes a couple mentions of Irons’ voice as being like Darth Vader, and later the voice of God.  Emphasiszing someone’s voice is an interesting way to establish character in a silent medium like comics, but definitely does help us flesh out who he is.

I’ll admit, I’ve heard better pickup lines than “Superman is dead and Clark is dead.” Bizarrely, it seems to almost work.

I remember reading an article (I think it was in Wizard magazine) about the spirit walk-in idea, and either Simonson or Bogdanove saying that the psychic would decidedly NOT sound like Mike Myers’ Linda Richman character from SNL.  In spite of their assertions (or maybe because of them), that’s how she sounds in my head, so they might have been better off not even bringing her up. [Max: Dang, now you’ve passed on the curse to me! Hey, maybe she was possessed by Mike Myers’ ghost?]