#i was such a mike anti back when s3 aired

[oceanic-sunsets]

an analysis on Mike's feelings progression, and the Love Confession Epiphany trope

i've read many, many analyses about mike, his feelings [for will, and in general] and whether he's aware of them or not, and one very common, popular interpretation is that he's always had feelings for will, making byler fall into the "it's always been you" trope. and while i LOVE this interpretation, i want to offer my own perspective.

s1-s2 mike

i think at the beginning of the show, mike is truthful when he says they're all his best friends. they're all unique, and different from each other. mike has different dynamics with all of them, but they're all his best friends.

then, with will's disappearance and his later possession, mike realizes something: Will is special, and he IS different from the rest of his friends. we can see how he's aware of it by his shed monologue when he tells possessed will that asking to be his friend was the best thing he's done.

and, honestly? i STILL think that up to this point, all mike feels towards will is a VERY strong friendship, but, of course, people grow up and nothing ever stays the same.

s3 mike

oh, this is a complex one. we know mike spends most of his time with el, and we can interpret his behavior in a lot of different ways. there's ONE thing i know for sure: he's not doing it for "romance" or because he's so in love. We have to look at the events that took place in the previous seasons: in s1, el "died" saving everyone, and in s2 mike felt so, so guilty, so he spent so much time thinking about her and calling her. he wanted her to be safe, he began considering her one of his friends (a friend is someone you'd do anything for), and also, the fact that he was a 12 year old boy who just saw a girl sacrifice herself and vanish.

s3 mike, now going through puberty and entering his teenage years, is glued to el's side and he's doing it for two reasons:

he's scared to lose her again. as simple as that. she is his friend, who he thought he lost before, and he wants to make sure she is safe (sounds familiar?). one of mike's character traits is that he feels the need to protect other people, and this, of course, includes el.

it's what he's supposed to do: isn't it the natural progression of the story? el is the first girl mike has befriended. everyone around him started assuming he liked her simply because he was nice to her and cared. they started teasing him. and mike thought "yeah, it makes sense", because why wouldn't it?? it's what they see in the movies, tv, and comics all the time. However, i dont think by this point he's aware he's following societal's expectations. Mike genuinely enjoys spending time with el. they have fun together, find comfort in each other (mike gets a reminder that el is there, safe, not in danger anymore, and el has the company of one of the first people that showed her kindness and friendship) this is really undeniable. he doesn't particularly like kissing, but he doesn't dislike it either: he's a teenager, kissing is fun, makes you seem cool, and hey, if you run out of conversation topics you can just kiss and problem solved! i dont think he spends time with her out of pity, as a cover, or anything like that. he's just unaware he's hurting and sidelining his friends in the process, too. the context here matters, of course, because this isnt the modern world. this is the 80's, a time where being gay in a smalltown could be extremely dangerous, and the media spread misinformation about the aid's epidemic. so i dont think mike is aware of anything, but i can see this easily being one of his fears*: he and his friends (specially will) have been bullied by homophobic kids, the people in household doesnt seem particularly accepting, and it's a common experience for lgbt+ kids to feel this feeling of guilt, wrongness, not 'normal' from a young age and not understanding why.

...but then, of course, stuff happened, and said stuff involved one of the most important (see: s1-s2 mike) people in his life: will.

Will, hurt because it seems like his friends don't want to spend time together like they used to, tells mike he's ruining the party. so mike projects his fears* onto will:

and mike immediately regrets it, realizing he's wrong. he gets, again, this feeling of guilt he's felt before, but a thousand times worse because it's his best friend he's talking to. and it's unfair, that's why he rushes to try to fix things.

next thing we know, mike is telling the entire room he loves el and that he can't lose her again. Sounds familiar? yeah, we went through this before, which is why i dont think it was a lie: of course he loves el and doesnt want to lose her. she's his friend and he has lost her before. this interaction here is what leads me to believe mike is STILL unaware, still fully believing that what he feels for el is romantic love..

up until the famous s3 finale, at least.

this, this is when confusion starts to kick in. when he starts questioning things. El, his girlfriend, just told him she loved him and kissed him. But he's confused, as we can confirm by the script. because isn't he supposed to feel.... happier? more excited?? by his girlfriend telling him i love you? is this really how being in love feels?

and this right here is where the path towards his character grow REALLY begins. mike is sad, and confused because nothing is turning out how it's supposed to. his best friend, who he spent so little time with thanks to his desire to grow up and trying to be who he was supposed to, is moving away. his girlfriend, who just told him 'i love you' (and isn't he supposed to be happier?) is moving away too, and he has no opportunity to try to discover what all of this means because they're moving away.

so he enters this phase of repression, bottling up his feelings and isolation. and mike ends s3 AWARE that things arent as it seem, that there's something that hasn't clicked yet, because despite his awareness, he doesnt understand why. after all, he did everything he was supposed to, didnt he??

enter: mike and s4. by this point, i'm convinced mike is starting to realize a couple of things: he can't say i love you to el, and will DEFINITELY falls into a different category than the rest of his friends. his absence wights on him more than ever: hawkins isn't the same without will.

he's also hyper-aware of this difference and doesnt even want to THINK about it, so he falls into his perfect boyfriend persona again (failing). This is what gives us the awkward airport hug and the rink-o-mania fight: mike is trying really hard to ignore his feelings, but by ignoring them, they start becoming more and more obvious.

he tried to reach out to will but it didnt work. will didnt reach out. He's hurt, because will, who is special to him is apparently ignoring him, and suddenly will is in front of him asking "what about us?" and mike panics, because that is too close to his fears* and the list of things he doesn't understand and are better left alone, untouched.

and this is also one of the reasons he feels so self-deprecating and insecure: despite trying so hard, he can't be the person who he wished he was: a better, more loving boyfriend who can say i love you and truly mean it. a better friend, who doesn't get confusing feelings and cares maybe a bit too much, someone who doesn't overcompensate and ends up coming across as emotionally detached.

but hey, apparently there's a light at the end of the tunnel, because suddenly will is delivering his endearing, loving speech about all these feelings El has for him and it's exactly what he needed to hear, and for the first time in a long time, he feels loved, special, wanted.

and isnt it amazing?? he's finally hit by such intense emotions: this is how you're supposed to feel about your girlfriend!

but, hey, wait a second. why is el ignoring him after his big love confession? why does it not feel right, despite how he felt back in the van?

these are thoughts he can revisit later, tho, as there are more important matters at hand: the end of the world is about to begin.

so mike ends s4: A) aware he cares too much about will, thinking that maybe more than will cares about him (because he didnt reach out), so he should pretend he cares less...? but wait, no, he still wants his best friend back, despite everything. B) even more confused. why did he felt so loved by el back in the van? but why is she ignoring him now? shouldn't his speech bring them closer??

i believe mike has all the puzzle pieces right in front of him, he just hasnt put them together yet. But. But. That's why Will's lie, his painting, exists. It's the key, it's finding out the truth about the painting what mike needs to understand himself and what those around him have been feeling.

when mike started developing feelings for will is up to interpretation. Personally, i believe there were hints that there might be something else by the end of s3, but they didn't fully develop until s4, because a glimpse of a feeling is easier to ignore when the person involved is across the country. And despite projecting his fears* onto will in s3, it's only in s4 that he starts acting different towards Will, behaving awkwardly. it's s4 when he feels undeniably loved by someone. it's s4 when he admits Will is different from the rest of his friends, to the point of not considering Hawkins home because Will is not there. It's s4 when we REALLY start seeing their friendship change into a more intimate, yet tense dynamic.

So, yeah, Will has always been it for Mike, but his feelings weren't always romantic, and that's the beautiful thing about it. We watched him develop feelings for will on screen. we watched their friendship change, evolve, and slowly grow into something else.

One of the reasons why i think mike is not fully aware yet, despite NOW HAVING romantic feelings for will, is the simple fact that he has NEVER considered it. Finn wolfhard himself said mike is clueless. he's unaware. He doesn't even see it as an option, but once he learns the truth, it'll become one.

This is where the Love Revelation Epiphany trope comes in:

The Truth about the painting is Mike's Love Revelation Epiphany. He already had feelings for will, he has had them for a while, but for Mike, it was something confusing, something he couldn't understand. It's only the truth about the painting and the meaning behind it that makes him realize them. It'll be his clarity, the moment where it starts making sense.

When, where, and how is something i don't know and i wont try to predict. But Will's painting isnt only about him. It doesn't only portray his truth, it's also a representation of Mike's truth, the culmination of his character arc, the progression of his feelings throughout the show, and the key piece we need to understand both of them and their actions.

[gleefail]

Glee Memories 1x4: Preggers

A long, long time ago, as Glee was approaching graduation in Season 3, I found myself nostalgic with some rare free time on my hands. So I decided to rewatch the series from the beginning and jot down some memories, discrepancies that have arisen since, fave quotes, tally solos - all that good stuff, strictly for shits and giggles.

8 years later (eek!) and once more I find myself with an unexpected abundance of free time. With so many revisiting or being newly introduced to the show between binge watching during Quarantine and all the tragedy that has surrounded the show since it went off the air, I figured I’d finish what I started. And by finish, I mean go through the end of S3. Cause I truly cannot acknowledge what happened after that. Except for 5B.

Kicking this off by reposting the first 15 episodes I already went through. Enjoy!

1x4: Preggers Single Ladies. Heeeeeeeeee!! I forgot all about you!

Also, this is the first ep my mom ever saw and still the first thing she mentions if Glee is brought up (“I loved those football players doing that single ladies dance, that was so funny” and then she starts singing single ladies all adorably off-key)

BURT HUMMEL!!!

”Oh my God…is the baby black?”

SUE’S CORNER!!! I really miss that.

“and that’s how Sue… ‘C’s it”

Schue just gave Tina a solo over Rachel. That’s the first and last time that will ever happen.

”wait…I’m a Jet?” – I feel you Mercedes! I was the only real-life Puerto Rican and was still cast as a Jet in high school. 

”My body is like a rum chocolate soufflé: if I don’t warm it up right, it doesn’t rise.”

Kurt’s princess wave when he gets the position of kicker. Yay. <3

“I’m pregnant” Oh Quinn baby storyline pretending Finn’s the father via hottub. I hated you from the moment I laid eyes on you.

Finn’s ‘o’ face. Ew.

Quinn is inconsolable cause she really thought she had a shot of getting out of Lima. Now she’s going to Yale. I’m actually really happy for her.

”I’m living in a cocoon of horror”

haha, Sue says “Glee Club” with gritted teeth the same way everytime ever.

Figgins anti-embolism stockings video and Sue’s blackmail. Forgot allll about you.

“Liza Minelli. Celine Dion.”

Taking Chances was the first moment, as a teacher and actor of Musical Theatre, that I said “that’s not how it works…” It was also when my Lea Michele impersonation began. It hasn’t changed. Neither has the way Lea Michele interprets a song.

”Admit it, Mr. Schue, you don’t like me very much.” I swear, this is like an alternate universe.

Also, this was back when I was on Rachel Berry’s side. She had a point in this conversation with him in the dance room. Mr. Schue was super unfair to her. Too bad they did a 180 with it to the other extreme for the past two and a half years instead of finding a nice balance.

Jenna Ushkowitz’s voice became my fave (along with Amber Riley’s) for all of Season 1 after hearing her sing Tonight.

Tina just asked Schue to give her solo to Rachel because she’s better than her and she would quit if he didn’t, saying she’d take one for the team. I get flashes of Rachel saying Mercedes was better than her at the West Side Story callbacks a few years later but not being nearly as selfless…

Finn is telling Mr. Schue that he is determined to go to college as it’s his only way out of being a Lima Loser. A few years later and he has to be begged to even consider college. When did that change? #oops

”Did you know you can just borrow books from there? All of em – except the encyclopedias” re: the library #BlessFinnsHeart

”So we’re taking coaching advice from Lance Bass now?”

There’s a note on the board in the football locker room that says “Touchdowns > LOVE” #WTF

Mike Chang is having trouble picking up the Single Ladies dance. #oops

”Hand! Hand! Point to the finger, hip, head – oop, sneak attack back to the ring, comb through the hair, slap the butt!”

”’sup, MILF?”

The baby is Puck’s!! I remember being excited to see the backstory on these characters that led to this. That was the first but not the last time I made that mistake with Glee. ….but it’s Glee.

”I had sex with you because you got me drunk on wine coolers and I felt fat that day” haha. Still funny.

Terry approaching Quinn to take her baby on the downlow. I hated you from the moment I laid eyes on you.

“Here. (take these) 3 times a day or your baby will be ugly.”

haaaaa, Ken has a box of like, 8 different whistles and picks one to use for each game. I totally forgot about that.

“Well I think we uh, really came together as a team.” “Yeah, a gay team. A big gay team of dancing gays.”

“Yo, left tackle: your mom’s so fat her cereal bowl comes with it’s own lifeguard – LIKE BAYWATCH!!” “Hey, ankle grabber: I had sex with your mother. No, seriously, I cleaned your pool, then I had sex with her in your bed. Nice Star Wars sheets.” Yep. Still hilarious.

”He’s so little.” – Burt Hummel when Kurt goes on the field. And that is when I officially fell in love with Burt and decided I want him to be my dad.

Oh Burt and Kurt. I love you so much. And it all started in that coming out scene.

Puck, Matt and Mike just joined Glee club. <3

Given the chance to change his mind, Mr. Schue STILL gave Tina the solo over Rachel. Alternate universe.

“Try giving NOT being homeless a try!”

Rachel quit Glee because Mr. Schue didn’t recognize her talent by not giving her one solo. Years later Mercedes will be ridiculed for doing the same thing (times 2.5 years of being overlooked). Just sayin’. Personally I agreed with both girls (though I didn’t think Rachel needed to quit, just demand A solo, not TINA’S solo)

SOLOS: Rachel (1), Tina (1)