#i was so scared of my masculinity for sooooo long and then i worried oh maybe this means im a trans man but i feel no relation to Maleness

[coolcarabiner]

it’s bonkers to me that people will say oh but you don’t have to look/be like that!!! to butch lesbians/lesbians who present masculine. they will look u in the face and essentially say you can be a lesbian without being an ugly yucky self loathing stereotype!!!! and it absolutely just boggles my mind because like. i’ve fucked around with my gender presentation a ton. i’ve had my head shaved at a two and my hair past my shoulders; it’s also been every color imaginable. i’ve let my body hair grow out and also shaved everywhere, even my arms, from ages 13-23 because i was bullied for having dark arm hair in middle school. i’ve worn “boy clothes” and “girl clothes” and weird lesbian mixes of both. i used to have to be wearing makeup to ever leave the house and i’d work myself up into a literal panic at the idea of people seeing me without it. i used to have a very persistent and active eating disorder furthered by extreme dysmorphia and a lack of self worth because i thought my body had to look a certain way, be a certain way, to be good enough.

but butchness brought me fucking freedom from so much of that. learning about butch identity and reading posts from other butches taught me that i can exist just like this, without doing an exhausting myriad of uncomfortable things that felt more restrictive than affirming. seeing femmes and butches and people in between online express desire towards butches made me realize it’s not just some anomaly my partner is into me; butches just are hot and desirable. i can look and dress the way i want, and embody both feminine and masculine traits without having to worry about adhering correctly to a performance i don’t think i ever got the right script for. i can be butch and be seen for what and who i am and there’s just nothing ugly about any of that to me.

it’s like. yeah, i don’t have to be butch, but i’ve tried everything else and this is the first time in 25 years i actually feel some semblance of comfortable with my body and myself in general. i don’t have to be butch, but it lets me set aside familiar self loathing and exchange it instead for the same love and appreciation i can extend to other masculine lesbians. i guess don’t have to be butch, i just don’t see why i’d wanna be anything else.

[clementinesjourney]

I'll even be a clown.. cause I just wanna amuse ya...

AN: Still stuck on the series's storyline.. And i freaking love Mäneskin.. sooooo i thought i'll bring them into my little universe as well while still keeping our Buck around. Tell me if you like this kind of thing or not. <3

Warnings: none

Words: 1,5 K

Pairing: Bucky x singer!reader

Summary: Reader is a singer who has a great friendship with the band Mäneskin, who are coming to New York for a concert, and would love to have her sing with them on stage. Thats when Bucky realizes why was the girl at the bar so familiar..

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Wanda liked Mäneskin ever since she saw them in Italy. They were young, sexy, fun and talented as hell. So when she saw the ads of them coming to NY she had to get tickets for the whole gang. Bucky wasn't so happy, but what could he do. He preferred the 40's music still, but might as well give it a go, maybe he will enjoy it.

Soon enough the day of the concert came, the others were all over the place, Bucky was quietly sitting at the bar, playing with his whiskey, swirling it around in the glass.

-Do you usually just play with your drinks, all lonely in bars? - a cheerful voice asked next to him. He looked it's owner up and down. A pair of black Dr. Martens, black stockings, highwaisted black leather shorts, black mesh top, with a lacy burgundy bra underneath, golden chains in her neck, red, naturally wavy hair, a smile to die for, and damn those vibrant green eyes.

-Staring at strangers a little to long as well, i see - you said chuckling, signalling the bartender that you wanna order. - i'll have a gin-soda with lime and one of whatever he's drinking.

He was still just staring at you.

-Thank you it's reallly flattering, but you can close your mouth now. Don't be a creep.. - you winked. - Cheers. - You clinked your glass to his, sipping into it.

- i-im sorry.. - he said absolutely stunned how open you were.

- Hi sorry, i'm sober. - you chuckled, sipping more of your drink, enjoying the taste.

-You're crazy. - he said chuckling, running a hand through his hair.

- Oh shut up everybody is.. C'mon the show's starting. - you said, grabbing his dogtags, making him follow you to the middle of the crowd, dancing around to the beat.

The first few songs went in a blur, he danced with you to all of them. From the corner Wanda and Sam kept an eye on you two.

-He doesn't have a clue who he's dancing with does he? - shouted Wanda into Sam's ear over the music.

-Even i don't have a clue. Why?

Just wait and see. - shouted Wanda while giggling, sipping her wine.

The song ended, when the singer started to scan the crowds with the other musicians while talking.

-We have a dear old friend in the crowd, and we thought we couldn't miss this opportunity to sing and party with her again. The next song is one i always tried to seduce her with, wonder why never did it work.. he said chuckling obviously making a joke, making the women in the front rows melt. - please welcome one of our dearest friend and most amazing singer in NY city with the same warmth.. (Y/N).. come on in here you old hag.. - he said while clapping for you.

Without a word you left Bucky there right in the middle. He couldn't process what was happening.

You hopped on the stage, waving at the people, quickly hugging and kissing the band. You were then facing the crowd, smirking at Bucky, you gave him a wink as the singer came up right into your face from the side as he started to sing.

I wanna be your slave I wanna be your master I wanna make your heart beat Run like rollercoasters I wanna be a good boy I wanna be a gangster 'Cause you can be the beauty And I could be the monster I love you since this morning Not just for aesthetic I wanna touch your body So fucking electric I know you scared of me You said that I'm too eccentric I'm crying all my tears And that's fucking pathetic.

You were now facing him, taking over dancing around him, with him. You were glowing, you were having the time of your life being able to sing with your friends again.

I wanna make you hungry Then I wanna feed ya I wanna paint your face Like you're my Mona Lisa I wanna be a champion I wanna be a loser I'll even be a clown Cause I just wanna amuse ya I wanna be your sex toy I wanna be your teacher I wanna be your sinner I wanna be a preacher I wanna make you love me Then I wanna leave ya 'Cause baby I'm your David And you're my Goliath.

You were putting on a show, just as you used to back when you lived in Italy. When you nearly kissed, Bucky felt a pang in his chest. He just met you yet you had him around your finger from the first minute. In a spare moment you saw how his jaw clenched at how close Adamo was to you. Smirking, you know the handsome stranger will certainly take you home now.

The concert finished, and Bucky found himself drinking at the bar alone again, hoping you'd find him again somehow. And that is what you did.

-(y/n) by the way. - You said holding your hand for him to shake, with the biggest smile on your face.

-Bucky. - He took it, and his hand lingered on yours a little longer. - Can i buy you a drink?

- You can. - you said with a smirk. He was handsome you thought. You wouldn't mind having a bit of fun with him tonight.

The next hour you two were talking, getting to know eachother. It was time that the place closes, so you grabbed your leather jacket and went out.

-Do you wanna talk a bit more? I-i'm sorry if it sound lame. i'm kinda rusted in this department... But i would really like to spend some more time with you.. - He said while running a hand through his hair, resting it on the back of his head. He was nervous and you found it unbearably cute.

-It depends... do you have anything to drink while we're doing the ' talking'? - you tried to hint on having a bit more fun than talking. It wasn't that you were sleeping with every man you could, but you were set on the idea that whatever a man can do without shame so can women. You loved to live freely, doing whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted. And if it was a god-like handsome man you met at a concert, then hell so be it.

-I'm sure i can find something.. - He said with a smile. You saw how he calmed knowing that you'll go with him. It was cute that he worried you might not. He tried to mask it with that flirty-masculinity that you loved, but deep down you both know you had the reins.

On the way to his apartment you were laughing at some old stories he told you about his past. Dates that go wrong, nights he helped old friends to get home, nights they helped him. There was something about you that made him feel like a little boy trying to get his first date, yet let him be himself at the same time. It confused him, but in a good way. You didn't even realize you were holding hands the most of the way. When you arrived he took his keys out and opened the door, letting you enter before him.

You hopped down on the couch waiting for him to bring you a drink. It was whiskey, which had you make funny faces as it was stronger than what you used to usually drink. Youeyed up his record collection. You always adored the way vinyl made the music sound. It gave you a homey feeling. It was mostly records from the 40-50's, but what stood out is an album of Quentin Tarantino songs. You took it out and put it on while he watched you from the couch, smiling, fascinated by how comfortable you seemed in his place, as if you were living here. His smile grew even bigger when you started to dance around for one of your all time favourite songs that was in a Tarantino movie. Stuck in the middle with you by Stealers Wheel. You jumped around, took his hand, making him stand up and dance with you. You felt like freedom..

When the next song came ( Girl, you'll be a woman soon by Urge overkill) he put his hands on your waist, bringing you closer, you put your hands in his neck, looking deep into his mesmerizing blue eyes and slowdanced. You were smiling at eachother, then he leaned in to kiss you. It was the best damn kiss you've ever had. You wanted to have more, which ended in a heavy makeout session on his couch, him only wearing his jeans now as you admired his well built chest and over all just him... You had to admit he's pretty god-like. One thing led to another and the next morning you found yourself waking up in the handsome strangers bed when the sun just came up.It was around 5 am. His hands around you, legs tangled. Both of you stark naked. You smiled at him, gave him one last peck. By the time he woke up, his bed only had the remains of you. A lingering scent of liqour and peaches, and a note with burgundy kiss mark on it. You must've kissed the paper goodbye instead of him he thought with a sad smile. He would've loved to wake up to the sight of you, to memorize your face, your body.

The note only said: two weeks from now, where the sun emerges from the sea. 5 am.

He smiled at this little note. It's a date he murmured. He went out to make coffee, after all he'll have to deal with his friends asking all kinds of questions. He was sure they won't miss the content look on his face. He had an amazing night, topped it off with amazing sex, and maybe two weeks from now he'll get to meet you again..