#i was so nervous writing this bc: 1) i didn't think i'd make in in time

[deartrent]

untold feelings — taa (pt. 1)

summary: you find yourself in a web of secrecy, long-suppressed desires and untold feelings within the buildings of liverpool fc, and it's bound to become a sticky situation

warnings: contains smut (18+, mdni)

pairing: trent alexander-arnold x fem!reader

notes: this is my first time writing smut and posting it, so i'm sorry if it's ass 😭 i'm thinking of adding more parts to this bc ive got some ideas cooking, but let me know what you guys think of this part first!

when you started your new job at liverpool fc as a player care officer, you had no idea what awaited you. all you knew was that you'd be in touch with the players most of the time; your main task literally being their first-line support for every- and anything they wanted and needed.

what you didn't expect though, was getting attached to one particular footballer. he was a man of little words, an introverted, closed off, at first seemingly "asshole"—though that presumption disappeared as you spoke to the guy more often. he was mysterious, a characteristic that ignited your interest in him in the first place. he wasn't your usual outgoing, witless and self-centered footballer, no, instead he kept to himself and only gave well-thought out answers. you tried your best to keep each interaction professional, especially when the news broke out of his new vice captain role, you vowed to not get involved with him, not wanting to be the reason that would put his new role in jeopardy.

you struggled though. the tension was there. you could feel it, he could feel it. if anyone else was in the room, they could feel it too. his eyes would bore into you as you typed away on your computer, logging the information he would give you, his eyes clearly attempting to get a message across. he had no shame in checking you out, scanning every part of your body, before his eyes would meet yours again, a mischievous smirk on his face as he sank further into his chair comfortably, his arms lazily draped along the armrests, his legs spread out.

after a few more appointments and conversations, you noticed him coming out of his shell more. there was no denying that the dynamic between you guys shifted, from a strictly professional one, to a more easygoing and flirty one. when you'd pass each other in the hallways, trent would flash you a cheeky smile, accompanied by a quick wink he made sure only you could see. if the coast was clear, he'd quickly poke your side as he passed, causing you to burst out in giggles. he'd always make sure to pass by your office as well, before heading to training, making sure to wish you a good morning or even bringing you a coffee if time allowed him to.

you enjoyed the secretive thing you had going on with trent, adding a tinge of excitement to your days.

the annual club dinner was the first time you and trent would see each other outside of a professional setting. his eyes never left you that night, observing your every move while simultaneously networking with the people around him, waiting for a moment to catch you alone.

"took you long enough," you joked as you watched him approach you, while you stood at the bar, waiting for your next drink. "were you waiting for me then?" his crossed arms rested on the bar, as he faced forward, allowing you to admire his side profile, "maybe," you shrugged, thanking the barman, before turning to trent once again. though he wasn't very tall, he still towered a little over you, that same cheeky smirk never leaving his face. the tension was unbearable and you knew he felt it too, the presence of his teammates and your colleagues being the only thing stopping you from sharing little touches.

"enjoying yourself?" you asked, looking away from his face as you started feeling nervous under his gaze, "yeah, very much," he let out a chuckle, knowing you were referring to him checking you out, "i'd enjoy it more if i could touch though," trent mumbled, his eyes scanning over the place, the same way yours did.

you were caught by surprise. he'd never verbally expressed what his eyes were insinuating. you never expected him to be so blunt, showing a different side to him than you were used to, "i'm afraid you're just gonna have to stick to looking for now," you tried to play off the feeling that was forming in the pit of your stomach. you wanted to feel his touch just as much as he wanted to touch you, your mind wandering off to the mental images of his body that you'd collected over the past few weeks while observing him in training from the window in your office. "watch out, you might start drooling in a minute," trent joked, amused with his own joke, while you hit his arm with the back of your hand.

you spent the rest of the night flirting back and forth with trent, either through eye contact or subtle touches as you'd pass each other. the night slowly came to an end and trent made sure to check up on you one more time.

"do you want me to drive you home?" trent asked, a hint of hope in his eyes that you'd say yes. you looked around for a second, "i already had a ride, but i don't mind going with you," although your facial expression would never give it away, you felt more nervous with each second passing, the realisation settling in that soon you'd be completely alone with trent.

while trent drove you home, the tension that had built up over the past few weeks only rose. one thing led to another and before you knew it, trent was reclined in the driver's seat, while you had both legs on each side of him. you'd been waiting for this exact moment, to feel his voluptuous and soft lips on yours, savouring every second you spent tasting his mouth. your lips wrapped around his bottom lip, tugging a little as trent's eyes shot closed, his large hands carefully placed on your hips, squeezing them ever so softly. beneath you, you could feel trent grow. seeing him melt under your touch drove you insane, the combination of his shut eyes, parted lips and hushed moans making you feel something you had never felt before.

trent's hands found their way around your back, unzipping the dress you picked with him in mind, as he slowly shed you of your clothing. his fingers eagerly unclasped your bra and as your eyes locked for a split second, you noticed just how hungry he was for you. your dress sat bunched up around your waist, your panties exposed, while your bra was lost somewhere in the car. trent's fingers played with your nipples, an unfamiliar sensation shooting through your body, only trent's touch having that effect on you, "trent," you tried to mumble, his lips never leaving yours, as though he was making up for the past few weeks of depriving him of your touch.

trent's hands roamed around your body, grabbing a handful of your ass, as you leaked more fluid all over your panties. you needed to feel him and you needed to make it clear to him, so as you finally let go of his lips, you cupped his face with your hands, holding him close as you whispered against his swollen lips, "i need you to fuck me like you've never fucked anyone before," those words leaving your mouth made trent go feral, unbuckling and pulling his pants down with one swift motion, the only barrier between your skin and his being your panties and his boxers. your hands wrapped around the elastic band, pulling the boxers down as his cock sprung free, resting against his stomach.

"fuck," you whispered against his lips, your pussy throbbing, yearning to be filled up. trent wasted no time, holding your panties to the side with one hand, while the other slid against your folds, spreading the moisture across his fingers before pumping his cock in his hands a few times. trent lined himself up with your entrance, the moment you both had silently been waiting for finally here. your hands rested on his broad shoulders as you slowly lowered yourself onto him. picking up your pace, trent was losing his mind and you could tell. his head fell back against the headrest, his hands firmly on your hips, guiding you through your movements. "fucking hell," he cursed, burying his cock deep inside, hitting a spot you didn't even know was possible, your moans getting louder.

you knew he was close from how sloppy each thrust had become, his breathing getting deeper and quicker. you lifted yourself off of him without a warning, his eyes lazily following your every move, high off of the ride you just gave him. you moved back to the passenger's seat, sitting on your knees as you wrapped both hands around his cock, leaving a trail of spit on his tip as you moved up and down as fast as you could, driving him to his climax. cum leaked all over your fingers, while trent cursed under his breath. your mind clouded by feelings of lust and desire, you brought your fingers up to your lips, licking them off as though you'd just finished a meal. trent chuckled as he crashed down from his high, his thumb caressing your cheek, "won't lie, i didn't expect all that from you, ms. wanna keep things professional," he joked, your cheeks heating up at his remark.

the night continued for a while, you'd moved to the backseat, lying on your back as trent supported himself on top of you. with your legs up, resting on trent's shoulders, he slammed into you, your cries being heard from outside the car. "fuc-" you choked on your moans, trent's name leaving your lips, warning him that you were close. trent watched your eyes roll back, his thumb circling between your folds, stimulating your clit, while his thrusts became deeper and slower, "fuck, fuck, fuck," your legs trembled, your body shuddering against trent as you held onto his muscular arms, as he unloaded another load inside of you.

the car felt hot by the end, your sweaty body on top of trent's as you laid your head on his shoulder, one of your hands resting on his exposed chest. the silence cleared your mind enough to think about what had just happened. you had no idea how you went from fighting to get a word out of trent to lying on top of him naked, vulnerable and fucked out in his car, parked in front of your place. if you had any energy left in you, you'd be stressing about how you were supposed to go back to work and pretend like nothing had happened—at least that's what you were planning on doing.

you knew you crossed a line you shouldn't have, you felt regret as you looked up at trent whose eyes were shut, his breathing steady and calm. you wondered what was going through his mind, if he was thinking the same as you, and if the weight of concealing the intimacy between you both laid as heavily on his heart as it did on yours.

[chvoswxtch]

OMG HII HAPPY 2K, LOVE!!!!

Thank you for writing and sharing it with the world, FOR FREE ‼️💖💕💞

Truly a blessing if u ask me and know you're appreciated by me (a big whore) and other people alike 😋

I'd like to order an old fashioned with Frank Castle, please!

So here goes my silly thot:

hunter/butcher!Frank au (anything to do with selling meat)

+

"I didn't come here for meat. I came for your meat."

AHHH MY LOVE!!! THANK YOU!!! 💖

i'm not gonna lie to you, reading this one turned me rabid. if i may be an absolute whore add some spice to this old fashioned-

this old fashioned is garnished with jalepeño (minors dni)

thots below the cut

frank castle's meat

let's set the stage, shall we? we're talking long haired, bearded frankie (think punisher season 1)

he's the local butcher in town, and all his meats come from his own hunting kills

now frankie has a shop most of his customers come to so they can get their meats, but because you typically work while his shop is open, he allows you to come by his cabin to pick up your orders

his secluded cabin in the middle of the woods (you know where this is going)

now you know for a fact he doesn't allow anyone else to do this, and you use that knowledge that he's sweet on you to your full advantage

maybe your dresses and shorts get a little shorter with every visit, or your shirts get just a little more low cut, but frankie doesn't seem to mind and you notice his flannels and henleys are far more unbuttoned around you than they are when he's in town

being the gentleman he is, he loads everything into your car for you

"can't have you gettin' your pretty hands all dirty."

sometimes he lingers for a moment, leaning up against your car as he asks you about your day or how work is going, and you ask him questions in return. if he's busy and doesn't have time for small talk, he'll throw a little extra something in for you, but he never invites you inside

he's not the chattiest person, and he's always polite and professional when he's talking to you, but that doesn't mean you don't catch the way his eyes wander when he thinks you're not watching him

you keep your flirting playful and light, just in case you're reading him wrong and he really is just that nice, but eventually you grow frustrated and decide if he's not going to make a move, then you will

so you put on your prettiest dress and the sexiest pair of panties you own and drive to frankie's one friday night, and that mountain of a man is on his porch before you can even shut your engine off bc he saw the headlights

and while there's clear confusion on his face when he sees you, the second you get out of your car and he sees what you’re wearing, that confusion quickly melts into something else

"hey sweetheart. I uh...missin' somethin'? didn't think you had an order to pick up tonight."

and the clear lust shinning in his eyes underneath the glow of the moonlight fills you to the brim with that last ounce of confidence you needed to finally get what you want

you swear you see him swallow thickly when you approach him slowly with a sultry smile on your lips and a shake of your head

"I didn't come here for meat, Frankie. I came for your meat."

again, being the gentleman he is, frankie just stares at you with wide eyes, refusing to make a move until he's sure he knows exactly what you're asking for and stumbling over his words

"I uh...don't think I...I know what you're askin' for here, sweetheart."

"I think you do, Frankie. I think you want something from me, too. What do you say we work out a trade?"

if you weren't so turned on you would find it comical that you rendered the giant broody man everyone in town was intimidated by so nervous that he couldn't speak, but you were turned on and impatient so you take frankie's hands and guide them to your hips until he gets the hint

and that is all the confirmation he needs to pounce and then there is not an inch of your skin his hands aren't exploring

he's wanted you for so long that he can't even make it to the bedroom. he spreads you out right over his dining table and drops to his knees to get a taste of you before he's fucking you so hard over it that the table ends up halfway across the living room by the time he's done with you

needless to say, you're his favorite customer

[yumesei]

Expansion on something from pt 1:

*

When John was gone, he was usually gone for a long time, and you never heard from him either.

Either something about this time was different or Johnny had put his brain to work to get around the restrictions, because one day you got a letter in the mail.

It was an unmarked envelope, a local stamp, so at first you thought nothing of it. A bill

It wasn't. It was a letter addressed to Sei and at the bottom signed from your favorite guy.

How did he even send this?! He wasn't allowed to send any correspondence lest he compromise the mission, if anyone found out...

Well, he wouldn't do it if he wasn't sure he could do it safely. And you didn't want his effort to go to waste, so you focused.

The letter read, in his writing, writing that you instictively read in his voice:

Out of sight, out of mind is total shite if you ask me; you're about as far out of sight as you can get and you've never spent so long in my mind. Don't worry, it's all good things. I know how you get nervous with these things.

I'll be home soon, love. I promise. Be prepared to have a long night when I do.

That means take care of yourself. No all-nighters. Don't make me give you a bedtime, I know I'm a little older but I'm too young to be a father just yet.

Longing for you loads, mo gràidh.

You couldn't help but smile. That was your John, all right.

Home soon, he said. At least you had something to look forward to. Though if he felt the need to do this, you worried about what he'd have to admit to when he came home.

He better not have surrounded himself with enemies without a gun again.

*

Take care of yourself, Sei! But know that we miss you ♡

Johnny uses his brain for something else than combat (100% real, no clickbait)

That letter is so cute, got me giggling like lovesick teenage girl >///<

I'm yapping abt it below

Out of sight, out of mind is total shite if you ask me; you're about as far out of sight as you can get and you've never spent so long in my mind. Don't worry, it's all good things. I know how you get nervous with these things.

No bc I think I've said this before but!!!! I like to think that I'd be a grounding presence in his mind yknow? Not something that'll distract him from doing his job well (because that'd be fucking dangerous) but more of something that remind him that no matter how much he loves his job, there's also things he loves outside of it. So maybe i'd calm down his recklessness just enough to keep him alive.

I'll be home soon, love. I promise. Be prepared to have a long night when I do.

Whore 🫵 (me too, post mission sex..... Save me post mission sex...)

That means take care of yourself. No all-nighters. Don't make me give you a bedtime, I know I'm a little older but I'm too young to be a father just yet.

Sometimes I remember he's just a bit older and it makes me blush, and i'm not sure I want to know what that says about me. I love how it's worded in a way where it seems like he's actually considering it, but tbh the idea of him "forcefully" putting me to sleep to fix my sleep schedule is kinda nice, sweet in a way (like yeah he cares that much about my well-being yknow?). But the idea of "sleep a lot because you're gonna need a lot of energy when I come back" is also fucking hilarious (one might think he needs sleep when coming back from a mission, but what he truly needs is getting laid).

Longing for you loads, mo gràidh.

Everytime he speaks/writes Gaelic, I die before coming back to life. Even more when it's term of endearment. It makes me need to be sedated (I love him too much)

I mean yeah, he better not told me ended up in a group of ennemies without a weapon again, lest he wants me to have an heart attack (again). What matters is that at the end of the day he's still alive, right? But please take care of yourself before I cry in your arms because of how much your habits scares the shit out of me.

Also thanks you sm for the cute message at the end (and for the asks obviously?????????? Those were so good and I'm so bad at expressing gratitude but i'm truly grateful). I'm kissing you on the cheeks and baking you pastries as we speak <3

[writtenx]

Finding You - azngami (part 3)

Hey my loves!! It's been a min, and I'd have to apologize for that! I think the main reason I haven't updated in a while is because I've been TEXTING THIS MAN ON STARYO???? if y'all haven't checked staryo out yet, please do, it's a messaging app where you can literally talk to any member of nsb or all the boys, whatever you want! And it's actually them, it's not like AI generated or whatever! So I feel like because I've been texting him on there, it's been a little weird to write a fanfic because he like...actually knows who I am now?? Does that make sense?? Idk, I'd consider him a friend at this point, and so to write fanfics about someone you're literally talking to, idk if that's just a me thing, but I feel pretty awkward.

At the same time tho, I do think this fic is cute and pretty harmless. I would never write anything uncomfortable and that's not where this is going. I don't imagine this to be a long fanfic and I don't know, the whole idea has been cute so I'll update here and there

Thank y'all so much for reading, part 4 will come by the end of this week, bc this one was kind of a short one!!

Be sure to read part 2 before this one, or even start over since it's been long, imma put the links up!

Happy reading :))

You woke up extra early the next morning from the warmth of the sun and the sound of birds chirping. You groaned, sat up for two seconds, staring at nothing as your consciousness was starting to rise. For some reason, although the day had passed and you and Diana went through shopping, eating, and then coming back home to raid all the snacks that there was for movie night, you still couldn't help but think of yesterday.

It was during the movie that Diana gasped loudly, causing you to shoot her a weird look as you noticed she was on her phone.

"What?"

Diana didn't reply, but immediately shoved her phone in your face. You quickly moved her hand away in reflex because you were convinced that girl was trying to blind you.

"Diana! Turn your brightness down!"

"Sorrrrryyy!" She said, quickly changing her settings. "Looked who replied to my storyyy!!" Her voice was chirpy.

You were curious as you leaned your head against your sister's looking at her screen. "Who?"

And then you saw the username which made you stop in your tracks.

You took Diana's phone and she laughed as you looked. You didn't know why but your heart skipped a beat.

hi diana this is random but did you and your sister go to (high school name)?

You hand the phone back, not being able to hide your smile.

"He texted 41 minutes ago." Diana pointed to the time that the message sent. "Oh my gosh, let me text back, hold on!"

You kept your eyes glued on Diana's phone, being presently there just to make sure she wouldn't do anything you wouldn't approve of.

"Okay...." Diana's voice trailed off and you layed your head on her shoulder, peering.

yes we did! you were in my sister's class right?? did you two see each other at whole foods yesterday?? i think she said she saw you but didn't know if it was you :)

You felt kind of nervous considering the fact that your sister was texting your crush about you, right next to you. You were curious to see what he would say, but you weren't even sure he was online.

And he wasn't. The waiting was the hard part. Because now the thoughts of him went through your mind as you tried to watch the rest of your favorite movie. But how could you? For the rest of the night there was nothing and you finally went to sleep.

It was this morning that you kept wondering if he did text back. But you probably wouldn't find out until after, as you were an earlier bird that Diana. The suspense was killing you, but you knew that sitting in the middle of your bed just thinking about a response wouldn't do anything. You had to get started with your day.

You had two cheat days this last week when it came to your workouts so you knew that you would need to start the routine back again. It was tiring at the start, but you crawled out of your bed, and washed your face and brushed your teeth. When you grabbed your workout mat in the corner of your room, you walked down the stairs and then went to the living room. Moving all space necessarily, you played a home workout video and followed the excersises. You knew lowkey why you were doing this. You wanted to be productive enough to give your mind something else to think about aside from Ryan.

What would he say? You questioned as you went down for pushups. But you shook your head and stretched your body fully on the mat and went into the pushups required for this circuit. Maybe he didn't even say anything yet; it wasn't even a full 24 hours.

You did your workout, showered, and then changed into your clothes for the day. There was a small breakfast cafe you lived across the street from and some days (like today) you would just get breakfast from there. You gave it a solid minute before you shook your head. You wanted to check up in Diana, but then that would be showing signs of obsession.

But you were always obsessed, why stop now?

You went straight to Diana's room. She was sleeping peacefully even thought it was 10am. You had two choices: either wake her up and interrogate, or let her sleep and hijack her phone.

You glanced at her phone beside her and then back to her. Finally, you decided to wake your sister up. She could always go back to sleep.

"Diana..." Your voice trailed off as you gently shook her.

You were grateful Diana was a light sleeper. She slowly opened her eyes and just stared at you.

"Hey, I'm gonna grab a breakfast sandwich at the cafe, do you want anything?" You asked, building it up. You didn't want to just wake her to ask if there were any new DMs or anything.

Diana stretched, rubbing her eyes as she made an inhumane sound. She had the covers over her face so you could just see her eyes.

"Um...can I have the fudge chocolate pancakes?" Her voice was hazy and her eyes were puffy. You kind of felt bad, but you knew that as soon as you left, Diana would go back to sleep.

"For sure. Anything else?" You asked.

Diana let her eyes close as she turned to the side. "No. Thank you." Then she slowly looked over at you.

"Did Ryan say anything?" She asked, half asleep.

You smiled for half a second before keeping a straight face, trying to pretend like the plan was never to find out about Ryan.

"Uhhh...I don't know, I wouldn't know, he texted you." You said.

Diana pointed to her phone as she groaned. You could see that sleep was about to take her in a few seconds. "You can check. You know my phone password, right?"

You shook your head. "Nah, I don't think so."

Diana said the numbers groggily and you thanked her before she went back to sleep. Now that her phone (and potentially Ryan's text) was in your hands, you didn't know what to do. You were nervous for some strange reason. All you had to do was just open instagram and look at the recent DMs. But you were scared.

What if he just left Diana on read? What if this, what if that, there were so many what ifs trailing your mind. But you did remember yesterday. Technically, he reached out first, and he asked if you both went to that high school you guys all went to. It was him, no doubt.

All you had to do was check Diana's dms. That's all. Nothing big. No huge ribbon cutting ceremony. Besides, maybe he knocked out early the night before and was still sleeping. Not everyone was an early riser like you.

No matter what, you had to check.

You took a few steps away from Diana's bed, awkwardly standing in the corner of the room with her phone in your hands. You have it 10 seconds, then 30, then a minute, and then finally you took a deep breath and went to instagram.

You went to her DMs and then saw Ryan Nguyen's name on top, in bold, as there were 3 new unread messages from last night at 2am.

yes she did see me at whole foods hahaha

i didnt know if she remembered me so that's why i didn't say hi

I hope you both are doing alright though :)

You smiled. And then panicked when you saw the little indicator that said that Ryan was now online.

Shoot.

You made to where Diana was still sleeping, now moving her arm. "Diana, he texted back at 2am and he's online right now and I don't know what to do!" You said.

Diana rubbed her eyes once more, squinting as she tried to look at the phone.

"Girl, just..." She paused, now taking her phone back. You watched in anticipation as Diana looked at the screen. She seemed to be looking at it for a while before she started typing back.

"Wait, what are you doing?" You asked, trying to lounge for the phone, but Diana moved it away from your reach. She rolled over to the other side of the bed, pulling the covers on top of her as you tried to get her phone back.

After a good minute of not knowing what Diana was saying, Diana poked her head out of the blanket and set her phone down next to you before flopping back on her bed entirely, turning to the side and closing her eyes.

"There. Now he can bother you." She mumbled, before going back to her sleep.

"What do you mean?" You picked up her phone and stared at the screen, feeling shocked as soon as you saw Diana's reply.

hiii we're doing good thanks!!

awww she told me you reminded her of a guy named ryan in high school but didn't know if it was the same guy!

she doesn't have insta but here's her number if you wanna text her! shed like to catch up!

btw congrats on your success!! Definitely following you on tiktok!! :)))

Oh. My. Gosh.

You didn't know why you kept staring at the messages, as if something new would jump up. No, this was it. This was what your sister sent. And now it was directly sent to Ryan without any way you could moderate it.

There was so much to address. Diana told Ryan what you said about how this guy in whole foods reminded you of him. That was embarassing.

She ALSO gave him your number. Now what????????

You decided to place Diana's phone back on her bed and sat up. You had to keep going through the day. What was sent is now sent and there was nothing you could do about it. He had your number now. If he wanted to text you, well...your phone was right there.

So you left the house and went to the breakfast cafe with a lot of anticipation on your mind.

~~~~~

Thank you for reading!! <33

[olivieraa]

saw Deadpool 3 today!

god, I remember...

ok so I dont have a connection to superhero movies. superhero anything really. I can list it quite easily

I used to watch the 90s spiderman, xmen and batman as a kid. spiderman was my fave. get in from school, throw on spiderman. then the tobey maguire spideys came out and he was my first ever big crush. then the xmen movies came out and I saw all 3.

so that was before the MCU did its thing, and superheroes took over. I saw the first iron man and that's it all the way up until the first avengers. never saw the captain americas, never saw the thors, never saw the follow up iron mans. and pretty much any of them that have come after it UNTIL... Deadpool 1

and I was a Deadpool hater. I still am. I believe that characters are different per medium, and I do not like comic!Deadpool and I made that clear on tumblr back in the day before the movie came out. so I went to see the movie to see if it was gonna be... well, as misogynistic as comic!Deadpool was

and it wasn't.

I wasn't that big of a fan of the first movie. there's a scene that misogynistic fanboys take out of context all the fucking time. but I consider Deadpool 2 to be one of the best movies ever made. and... very feminist, honestly.

Deadpool 3 I was nervous about. would it be like 1 or 2.......

it was like 2!

I think... I think Ryan just knows. like, the women in his life are very important to him. he could have gone the gross cater to fanboys route with DP but he didn't. so I appreciate that he can be liked by everyone, not just those creeps.

and its saddened me that feminists have hated on Ryan saying its bc of him his wife doesn't have a career anymore and he's thriving. all the man does is praise her, say he's unworthy of her, give her all the credit for any writing she's done esp ON Deadpool. like, I don't care for straight couples, esp Hollywood couples. but I actually like these two. so yeah, I had a good time, I like Ryan and I'd give the movie an 8/10. The second to me was a 10/10

also just speaking of straight couples and women who should be breaking up with or divorcing their men, like ok, I get if you watch one "type" of video, the algorithm is like "here's 50 more", so bc I've seen one or two "useless boyfriend" videos, instagram keeps showing me more and more, but like................ how fucking many are there.

like I know its practically an epidemic of women dealing with their scrubby boyfriends instead of being single, but its goddamn everywhere

And then you have ugly fuckers who want a gf for the sake of having a gf, but will always try, on the sly, to cheat and get with someone hotter

Then there's the constant posts about "why men cheat" and the comment section is full of shit like "why have one meal for the rest of your life" or "bc she stopped trying to look good for me"

And then videos from strippers who say that men who try to cheat on their wives with them is not a here and there thing, its an every day thing, and their wives and gfs think they're the most loyal men out there absolutely INCAPABLE of cheating and yet, here they are!1!

And I dont even need videos to confirm this. My stripper friend says married men propose to her all the time

I know this went from Deadpool to being angry at the straight again, but I just thought I'd keep it to one post, since people have hated on Ryan but they're like the only straight couple I have faith in (aside from my straight friends, I love my straight friends, I wouldnt attend the weddings otherwise lmao)

Like I just... like, women... If you look at your man and dont think he's the one, if you look at your man and think there's a possibility he may cheat on you, if you look at your man and think that you wouldn't put your life on the line for him bc he's not your soulmate

Then leave

Be single or wait, patiently, until you find the one. The women posting these videos constantly make me so sad bc I know they're not leaving these useless ass men! That pregnant woman is just like :( when her bf is looking at other women, but she's like 'oh well! At least I'm the one that has him! ;)'

[kamiko1234]

Heyaa!! I read your big brother arthur fic a while back and i haven't said it yet but: I LOVE YOUR WRITING! The way you write the characters is so on point like omg go off, You can really capture their personalities! (especially arthur)

So for the questions thing, Howsa bout 1, 4, 5, 10, 13 and 14? Really interested to kno about the fic! Will be waiting patiently for the next update ;)

-Trancy <3!

Thank you so much for the question, and thanks even more for the compliment ! I'm glad you enjoyed the fic. Tbh I was kinda nervous that I fucked up Arthur's characterisation in the Big Bro AU.. Anyway- onto the questions :

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

I was trying to capture Arthur as a character if he had grown up genuinly loved. If ya think about it, Arthur is a pretty affectionate guy ! He's almost fanatically loyal to Jeremiah and the Vatican by extention, and clearly wants to have friendships & bonds with people.

It would be cool to see how his personality developed if he got to develope all this by himself without any manipulation. That's also why he's so overprotective in the fic acctualy ! He's still the same brand of loyal and trusting as in canon, just this time it's to his friends and family and not the Vatican. He's also just as obsessive, but this time it's not with being a good exorcist/being a "knight in shinning armour" but with being a good brother and keeping those he loves safe !

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

In the original fic ? "......... I won't allow them to pay for crimes they didn't commit. Even if I have to go against the entier order to do so." From chapter 2. This line is said by Arthur after he found out about the twin's father. I like it bc this shows the diffrences between canon and big bro Arthur really well. Also establishes that Arthur is loyal to people rather than institutions in this fic. If we talk abt the rewritte- the line has yet to be written and published 😅

5: What part was hardest to write?

Nothing rly, it all came to me pretty easily. But if I had to say one thing I'd say that I struggled quite a bit with the start of chapter 7 of the OG fic. Restarted that one quite a bit.

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

I don't rly have any pairing for the fic in the romantic sense, as for the reason why I wrote it with an focus on Arthur & Rin ? They are my favs and I think they make a fun pair. I do plan on AngelLight happning in the rewritte tho (once I get off my hiatus) since I just like the ship. The two are cute together and Lewin is the best ship for Arthur imo.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

I don't rly listen to music to get into the mood for it tbh. I mostly write in short and inconsistent burst of inspiration or inclination to write smth about it. What I DO have however is a spotify playlist with songs that give me big bro Arthur vibes, here's the link if ya want to listen to it. I also have an unlisted YouTube playlist with some songs in it from an idea I had of Arthur singing the twins lullabies ! Rly it's just songs I could see big bro Arthur singing for Rin and YUkio, will props include the idea in the rewritte !

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

Nope. This fic is supposed to be harmless fun for all of us us. So, that conclused all the questions ! Again, thank you for sending an ask and I'm so glad you enjoyed the fic ^^ I'm trying to get off my hiatus and continue it since I rely enjoy the AU it's in. Ofcourse the fact still stands that if anyone (you included) has specific hdeacanons/wants to see a specific scenario in the fic you can tell me and I'll deffo try to include it it ^^

[emeritus-fuckers]

match up event open again? I'd love to participate •w•

1 - Identity: I'm a woman (I doubt that, so I would say I'm gender neutral). I am straight, even if people always say that I look like a lesbian (wtf?).

2 - Who do I like: Papas

3 - What do I look like: I am 6ft, a thin body, and a pale white skin. I have a long blonde hair that goes past my waist, dark blue eyes, and I always look angry bcs of my relaxed expression. I usually wear loose-fitting sweats because I get uncomfortable "showing" my body in skin-tight clothes. On more formal occasions, I do wear tight clothes (not without overthinking about wearing more comfortable ones).

4 - What's my personality: I am very quiet and I always try to be invisible (mostly because I don't like my height), I don't enjoy having to talk to a lot of people, I hate making birthday parties because I don't enjoy too much attention on me. And going to crowded places doesn't suit me. I am very clingy, my love languages are quality time and physical touch, but I just show this to people who I really feel comfortable, and, now, it's just with my mom.

5 - My interest: I love reading fanfics and writing them. I love watching streamers playing funny or horror games, and I love to play them too (even if I literally jump from my seat when something is following me).

6 - Trivia: I love birds. They're so cute, I can't. I enjoy playing volleyball and wasting my energy running as fast as I can. I get flustered easily, all my face turns red with just talking to someone strange.

Well, I hope I didn't write too much =w=

This post is part of the 1000 followers match up event. Entries for the event are now closed.

Your match is...Papa Emeritus IV

He fell for you from the moment he first saw you. He just couldn't tear his gaze away from you.

You spoke a few times, mainly when you were both looking to get a new game from the clergy's collection. You kept meeting in the horror section.

He knew you were quiet and he sensed you didn't like crowded places or too much attention. So when he asked you out it was evening time at the Ministry, and the sun had just started to set. He found you reading a fanfic sat on a bench in the cloisters.

He sat down next to you "I umm, how to say, I would like it if we could go on a date sì?" He shifted a little. "But I would understand if you said no. But I was thinking, we could play some horror games together?" He made a few nervous rat noise "But I jump at them a lot."

Sometimes you sit in the garden together and while you watch the birds he is watching his rats. He got Primo and the Ghouls to build them an outdoor enclosure. Copia suprised you one time by brinigng bird food along. This meant you got to see loads of them and really close up.

If he sees you getting flustered, he notices your face turning red at the first flush, he'll come over to you and he'll talk to whoever it is. This is when you see Papa Emeritus IV, he very confidently deals with the situation, excuses both of you, and makes sure you are okay.

He and the Ghouls love playing volleyball with you! It gets a little competitive between the Ghouls but it's all good natured. Copia will use any excuse to come over to you and give you a kiss, it's very cute. You do a good shot he's there, win the game and he'll gather you up in his arms twirl you around and then kiss you.

~

Written by Nyx

[just-some-random-blogger]

hii love!! modern!daemon nonnie's back! first of all, i'm so glad i make you happy, you have no clue. and your love letter was the first thing i read when I'd woken up so you've made my day) your answers always make me grinning from ear to ear. secondly, you make me soso comfortable to write to. i'm always nervous about sending asks, about making mistakes and not knowing the words i should know. but you make me comfortable to not only send asks, but also write and speak in english more) (there were times when i was double-checking every word even though i knew it since the second grade??) about parallelism. i love all the types of it? like the similar scenes in the beginning and in the ending, similar phrases. you probably wrote it unknowingly but things like 'far too used to him/this' in the first paragraph are called parallelism in literature. like in the language level. it may be really small but i loved it. i'm so glad to know you think i've got big brain thank uuu. you can also have my tears on your desk and my sleep schedule probably bc... hsjdjdh yes. i can't read these masterpieces in the daylight. don't worry, though, it's a holiday week and i have an opportunity to go to bed... later? in the early morning?... idk. YES more aemma make our queen alive TT i understand that viserys is the more mature one here but the fact that they're so heartbroken about the (+-) same thing?? in their own manner but yes. hope your older brother would get what he deserves) i know you make the reader you. but ok. because of how amazing your writings are, i'd pretend i'm blind to the lines about daemon towering over the reader. my 5 cm difference with matt smith can deal with it, i guess. (not like i'm complaining. you and everyone else have all the rights to write about whatever and whoever you want to. just my insecurities hitting too hard again. sorry if anything) okok i KNOW she didn't deny like deny-deny him but she still said no to his proposal. i was really amazed. yeah they still got married so how could she deny him. and yes it feels so much that they were married TT wow stop no but they're already married again... i know this isn't about how immortality works but how does she remember... like 2000 years... yeah magic but... i could never. what about this taming thing! i already knew it's not the most healthy thing in the reality. and then i've seen a few posts saying 'taming' is a sexist thing and it's not the woman's responsibility to tame a man. but cmon?? 1) we're talking about fictional reality, 2) we're talking about time that is similar to medieval centuries when this image was strong?? 3) it's fiction cmon. ofc i'm not gonna 'tame' like save a 'depressed' man who's just problematic? but all this thing in fiction where he's tamed by her because she's just she and it's the power of love makes me feel special. i want this feral prick to be good if i so much as even look at him ok?? yesyes i requested both 'it takes two' and the second part. not like i'm the real masochist but i love when things make me feel feelings. and what feeling is more strong than the pain?? tears what? right, taste good. THANK YOU sm for calling my brain big TT i don't really remember what he said when the reader died but him being that same desperate husband, even if he doesn't know he is, strikes. thank you for CPR!! (dying peacefully) if you don't mind, i'd write another ask for your second answer. sorry if it's a lot. i love your answers so i love answering them)

HELLO MODERN!DAEMON NONNIE!!!!!!

here's another love letter <3

i saw this after i had my dinner so im making it my mission to reply RIGHT NOW BECAUSE IM HYPED AND YOU MAKE ME WANNA WRITE 1000 modern aus.

im so glad i can make you happy as well my love. 🫶🫶🫶 im honored that that's the first thing you wake up to <3 T_T im honored to have made your day T_T <3 i'm so happy you like my answers T_T <3 SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP your asks make me grin from ear to ear all the same lovie

I'm so happy that you feel comfortable writing to me. i hope all my nonnies and readers feel this way cos T_T lol idk how my sarcastic humor comes off but i promise even if in times i say im annoyed im really not AHHAHHAHA annoyance is a sign of affection to me LOL.

again its totally fine if you make mistakes T_T plssssssssss it happens to the best of us and we're both speaking in a second language native english speakers WISH they spoke english as good as us 😫🙄 im honored that i come off as a safe person/space for you <3 T_T i want nothing more than that tbh im so honored. please do continue to write and speak english to your heart's content i will be here to listen!!!!!!!! also same i double check words even though i know them HAHAH YOU LIKE ME FR it doesnt hurt to look, double checking is fine, rather than being so confident then wrong BONK 🤠

IT SO FUNNY YOURE TEACHING ME ABOUT PARALLELISM T_T HAHAHHAHHUHUHUHUH I FEEL LIKE A KID SUDDENLY )))):< i know what parallelism is!!! 😡😡😡😡😭😭😭😭 HAHAHAHHA i was just a bit confused cos i wasn't expecting you to like that. i thought i wrote it unknowingly but now that im typing this out, i remember deliberately typing it like that for effect. though ok to be fair i wasn't like 'oh this will be parallelism' HAHAHHA ANYWAY THANK YOU FOR THE LESSON AHHAHAHHHIHIHIHIH i can interally hear my teacher in grade 9 sighing at me IM SORRY SIR NELSON I LOVE YOU. i'm glad even something as small as that brought you joy T_T i give you a kiss

i'm so glad to know you think i've got big brain thank uuu. you can also have my tears on your desk and my sleep schedule probably bc... hsjdjdh yes.

OF COURSE YOU HAVE A BIG BRAIN!!! BIG BRAIN AND BIG BRAIN RECOGNIZE EACH OTHER !!!!!!!!!!! i will take your tears thank yew saur mush <3 BUT I WILL NOT ACCEPT YOUR SLEEP SCHEDULE

i can't read these masterpieces in the daylight. don't worry, though, it's a holiday week and i have an opportunity to go to bed... later? in the early morning?... idk.

i quite literally dont gIVE A FUCK IF YOU ARE ON HOLIDAY. IMMA BE SO MAD IF YOU DONT SLEEP RIGHT I WILL FLY INTO YOUR BEDROOM AND MAKE YOU GO TO SLEEP i WILL RIOT IF YOU DO NOT SLEEP WELL I WILL RIOT I WILL RIOT i would threaten never to reply to you again if you dont sleep right but i would cry if i do that since i love you so much. and of course you could always lie to me, but i like to think by being kind and caring is an absolutely effective way to get people to say the truth and take care of themselves. my heart will break if you dont sleep right. remember that. forever.

YES YES YES THERE SHALL BE MORE AEMMA!!! ALIVE AND WELL AND MOM AND WIFE AND UGH!!

yes and viserys is techinically more mature more or less AHHAH but also yes, the brothers care for each other in their own way and express their hurt in their own manner as well.

T_T my older brother didnt do anything HAHAHHAHAH it's just that he's my older brother therefor auto spite HAHAHHAH i could care less about what he thinks of me (because i do tiny tiny tiny bit care lol)

i know you make the reader you. but ok. because of how amazing your writings are, i'd pretend i'm blind to the lines about daemon towering over the reader. my 5 cm difference with matt smith can deal with it, i guess.

THE WAY I LAUGHED SO HARD BECAUSE OF THIS HAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH NO IM SO SORRY IMMA STOP SAYING THAT or at least try lol YOURE A BIG BABY I LOVE THAT FOR YOU FOR ME FOR US UPPIES UPPIES I WANT UPPIES!!! matt's like 5 inches taller than me so T_T HAHAHAHAHAHAH I WANT UPPIES!!!!

(not like i'm complaining. you and everyone else have all the rights to write about whatever and whoever you want to. just my insecurities hitting too hard again. sorry if anything)

nOOO YOURE TOTALLY VALID I LOVE BIG GIRLS I LOVE BIG BOYS I LOVE BIG BABIES I LOVE I LOVE T_T im gonna tell you im from the philippines and im 5'7 or smth IDK I GET MEASURED AND IT CHANGES EVERYTIME AND I THINK PEOPLE ARE LYING ABOUT THEIR HEIGHT but anyway the point is that im like really tall here, but all my siblings are taller than me and now im the shortest and T_T ive accepted it ANYWAY THAT WASNT THE POINT point is i used to be super insecure about my height but now i embrace it and take up space because im hot and smart and really really hot and people can choke if they hate me ew imagine being a hater. DONT BE INSECURE (omg wow insecurity cured HAHAHAHA) it took me like... 21 years to get to where i am (im 21) so each day just be kinder to yourself. i like to tell myself affirmations, mostly ones linked in the bible because I believe God's perception will never change even if my own perception of myself does ever second. there is a truth in affirming things and verbally speaking it out and smiling in the mirror, i think even scientific evidence, so try it out!!! it's a process though, so dont compare yourself to me or anyone just take it slowly!!! life is not a race.

okok i KNOW she didn't deny like deny-deny him but she still said no to his proposal. i was really amazed. yeah they still got married so how could she deny him. and yes it feels so much that they were married TT wow stop no but they're already married again...

HAHHHAAHHAH deny-deny HAHAHHHH we're really on the same wavelength HAHAHA. ur so right she did deny his proposal thus she denied him. duh. periodt. HAHAH. it's so amusing and endearing to me that you find these things amazing. i squish. i kiss. i love. she could not really deny him. she was just preventing chaos from happening because dude why should they suffer when they finally got the chance to love each other. i think the day they get married for real for real with the whole televised wedding shebang would be the conclusion of this whole modern au world lol

i know this isn't about how immortality works but how does she remember... like 2000 years... yeah magic but... i could never.

HAHAHAHAHAH NO BUT YOURE SO RIGHT i sometimes forget what i did a few seconds ago T_T i dont think she remembers it all. there is a reason why people forget, its literally unhealthy to remember everything. it will overload your brain fr fr. but i think like most people, we have a knack for remembering things we find important, memorable, or traumatizing. i would also like to think because she never aged out of her prime, her memory doesnt get wonky, also there is the magic aspect that could keep her vigorous so lololol. tbh i could never either T_T i dont think i would want to live that long tbh T_T

what about this taming thing! i already knew it's not the most healthy thing in the reality. and then i've seen a few posts saying 'taming' is a sexist thing and it's not the woman's responsibility to tame a man.

ahhhh this is want you meant about taming. like making a wild man tame. i see i see. yeah this isnt very healthy. i dont think we can truly change people. a higher power has to do that, we are merely influencing them. i can understand the appeal of taming a man, and sure i'll agree its hot AHHAH no cause like Daemon the killer is soft for you T_T COME ON THAT HOT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH i think it's derived from our innate desire to be special. i can also understand the dislike, and as a feminist irl, i would never date/deal with a man that needs to be fixed. girl wtf, get some therapy i am not your mom.

but cmon?? 1) we're talking about fictional reality, 2) we're talking about time that is similar to medieval centuries when this image was strong?? 3) it's fiction cmon.

YES ITS ONLY HOT IN FICTION! this is why fiction is so important, we can live in peace, living our traumatizing and problematic dreams without ever having to deal with it in the real word (at least beyond to scope of your imagination). omg this reminds me of that lesson i had in a class called Literature in Popular Culture and we discussed the importance of fiction. T_T i loved that class. And yes, hotd is set in a era where this ideology was the only thing that existed really so HAHAH idk if my inner feminist will allow me to close my eyes to daemons selfish prick tendencies when hes living and breathing in our year of the lord 2023 we'll see we'll see

ofc i'm not gonna 'tame' like save a 'depressed' man who's just problematic? but all this thing in fiction where he's tamed by her because she's just she and it's the power of love makes me feel special.

I LOVE THAT FOR YOU BESTIE SO REAL THROW MEN OR ANYONE ELSE THAT IS GARBAGE IN THE BIN WHERE THEY BELONG. let us live our fictional dreams in fiction blissfully though <3 and when you said "he's tamed by her because she's just she" ASHF:ALSHFAS MY HEART I LOVE THAT SO POETIC SO BEAUTIFUL AND SO TRUE THE POWER OF LOVE MAKES US ALL FEEL SPECIAL WHICH IS WHY I SEND MY LOVE OUT TO YOU LOVE LOVE LOVE

i want this feral prick to be good if i so much as even look at him ok??

us sharing a one brain cell for real 🫶🫶🫶

yesyes i requested both 'it takes two' and the second part. not like i'm the real masochist but i love when things make me feel feelings. and what feeling is more strong than the pain?? tears what? right, taste good.

HAHAHHHHAAH good to know that was you. and i know youre not a real masochist AHAHHA cos ur like me fr. you and i both like it when things are so intense that we just cry T_T I LOVE CRYING OVER FICS AND I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE SAY THEY CRIED BECAUSE OF ME T_T I THINK DESERVE

THANK YOU sm for calling my brain big TT

BIG BRAIN SAYS DESERVE

i don't really remember what he said when the reader died but him being that same desperate husband, even if he doesn't know he is, strikes. thank you for CPR!! (dying peacefully)

T_T IM LUV U IM SO GLAD YOU THINK SO LOVIE!! TRULY SO BIG BRAIN FOR CATCHING THAT i actually dont know if i could administer cpr properly so [dies peacefully with you]

if you don't mind, i'd write another ask for your second answer. sorry if it's a lot. i love your answers so i love answering them)

you can send me 10000000000000000000 one million zillion billion bazillion trillion messages and i would reply to all of them thought per thought as you deserve i love hearing from my readers and from you especially <3

[culminada]

I have a sad story about a fellow autistic person who liked Star Wars.

He talked about Star Wars constantly. I mostly let him, because I (being autistic but not knowing yet), knew how amazing it was to be able to infodump freely. I did NOT know he was autistic, nor would I really have known what that meant if I did, beyond "social troubles" and perhaps "communicates directly."

The main problem was that he didn't explain things very well, and I couldn't follow what he was talking about a large majority of the time.

I was also autistic and just statting to try to learn to navigate the world of neurotypical social interaction (I'd been homeschooled and must have been 15 or 16. He was even younger) and so of course, I was very nervous, had no idea how to communicate, and worst of all, applied all my barely-fledged neurotypical scripts on him.

I did not know how to ask him to explain better. I did not know how to say "can I have a turn infodumping" (I thought there had to be small talk or something first bc, I was learning the Rules! And clearly he also knows the Rules. Bc everybody is supposed to know the Rules and I'm the weird one here). I didn't even know how to change the subject politely with a neurotypical person (and didn't learn how for like. Four more years).

So after a few months of spending every Wednesday night at church listening to him talk unintelligibly about characters I didn't know, plots I was not familiar with, and technobabble I'd never heard before (I HAD asked but his explanations were no better. He seemed to assume I knew perfectly well what he was talking about) I finally burst out, "can we talk about something else than Star Wars?"

It was the only direct cue I'd really given him.

He shut up about Star Wars and has not breathed a word about it on my hearing since.

At first I felt relieved. Then it was awkward because I had no idea how to talk about anything ELSE, and I still didn't feel at liberty to talk about my OWN special interest.

And I felt bad, because I hadn't meant not to EVER talk about Star Wars, just maybe not right that moment, and in general could we also talk about other things sometimes.

If I'd known he was autistic, even if I didn't know I was autistic, it would have, I think, been easy enough to figure out how to take turns infodumping, would have been exactly #1 thing I was looking for in a friend, would have made him very happy too of course, and so on. But I didn't know.

I tried to give him social cues, the few that I'd learned. He never picked up on them, of course. I was at my wits' end. None of my learned strategies worked on him and none of my natural strategies had ever worked before. My dad (primary social advisor) was equally perplexed after talking to him.

To me, it came across as a complete disinterest in anything I cared about. Anytime he asked how I was doing, I said something about how my writing was going and then expectantly waited for him to ask about it. (I still, to this day, have trouble talking about my interests in any way beyond the briefest, if I am not asked about it.)

He occasionally would talk about other things. He liked outer space in general, too - so I got him a sci-fi book for his birthday that I'd really liked. His dad didn't let him read it bc it had curse-words in it.

My dad said that, whatever was going on with him, he was obstructing my ability to make other friends and I should ditch him, since he wasn't a good friend anyway.

I felt bad about it, but what else could I do?

I had had occasion once or twice to be direct with him, which went okay (but was terrifying to me at the time), but I was exhausted trying to figure out what he wanted or what was up with him or how to interact in any way beyond the most basic of social small talk. Anything deeper was questions I asked him (bc that's What You're Supposed To Do to make people like you. Right? And they're supposed to reciprocate. RIGHT?)

I eventually stopped being friends with him. How did I go about this? By ignoring him every time he tried to speak to me, or responding with as little as I could get away with.

I had no idea what else to do. It was awkward. I felt horrible ignoring him but I was had no idea how to? Tell someone I didn't want to be their friend anymore?? That didn't make sense.

He eventually got the hint after a few weeks. The last time we really spoke, he finally asked me about my writing. I was sitting writing in my journal. He asked a question (what are you doing, why, how long is that going to take) and I would answer tersely without looking up. He would walk away. Then he'd come back and ask another question.

Finally I responded, "I'll probably be doing this for the next ten years." I had hoped he got the hint that I was mad at him for not knowing or asking before about something that important to me... I don't know what message he actually got but we never really talked much after that.

We still went to church together. We still went to a smaller sub-group together. Ages passed. Weeks, months. I got a better understanding of autism through Being On Tumblr, but had no idea any of it applied to myself or to him.

One day maybe a year later, he responded to a question in class by saying he was autistic and ADHD.

And suddenly I understood. Autism explained EVERYTHING.

And I felt horrible. Not like I could or would have done anything differently - I was not capable of any more at the time - but that a lack of knowledge, communication, or understanding had been the root cause of our misunderstandings.

I thought, "if he'd only told me! If he'd told me we could've figured it out."

But like.. how was he to know that would help?

The next time I met someone who was autistic, she told me so straight-up. I immediately altered my script to accommodate this. It was she who eventually told me I was also autistic. As I've learned more about autism, I just feel worse and worse about what happened with the Star Wars guy.

I still see him at church sometimes, although since he's a few years younger than me, I don't see him often. But I really need to apologize, because the way things happened must have been awful for him. I can only imagine what it must have been like.

I've grown since then - I'm more secure in myself and my social skills have improved vastly and I'm not nearly so terrified as I used to be.

I can talk to him again, I know now to be direct, etc.

May the 4th be with you!

Star Wars has always been a big part of my life! I remember my parents taking me to see the original trilogy remastered in theatres in 1997.

With The Bad Batch just finishing and Tales of the Empire just released now is a good time to be a Star Wars fan. At least in my opinion.

[a-moth-to-the-light]

Future of Six

So I'm always nervous to do these (which is why I've done so few since the first one last year) bc I'm bad at like, actually doing things, and these are essentially a reminder of all the things I just like don't do. But I'm working on helping my executive do its functioning, so I want to keep hoping :)

So here are some things you can keep an eye out for!

-- kard & dc comeback celebrations (though remind me not to work too much on these bc i have an essay contest entry due june 1 that i really want to be perfect!)

-- does six like any bgs? a scientific analysis

-- re-evaluating my 2020-2021 songs of the school year (this will be the first time y'all get to see this list, actually, since i didn't have a tumblr back when i made it!)

-- songs of the school year 2022-2023

-- pride stuff WHOOOOOOOOO

-- top ten red velvet songs (this one goes out to my fellow lesbians!)

-- in july, i'll be doing a summer of k-pop tag! there will be a question for each day of july related to summer k-pop comebacks, and anyone is welcome to join for as many days as they want to! i have all the questions written out, but i'll wait until a little bit closer to the start date to post them!

-- some webtoon retrospectives, since two of my favorite webtoons have ended in the past year or so and i've wanted to squeal about them SO MUCH OMG

-- a series about the most memorable k-pop comebacks i've witnessed as a fan & what makes them so great + significant to me

-- i really loved doing the fruits basket series last year, where i reread the manga and wrote posts chronicling my journey (see my blog masterpost if interested!)--i think that's some of my favorite writing i've done, like, ever, and i even wrote a final paper for university based on those posts! i want to do something else like that, but it's also a big commitment. so we'll see if that happens this summer, or if i push it off a bit longer! crazy ex-girlfriend and jane the virgin might be good candidates for the new series, since i'd like to rewatch them before they leave netflix anyway <3

[gellavonhamster]

here's looking at you, kid

written for the 2020 Sugar Bowl Tournament organized by @asoue-network for the prompt: "Beatrice/Bertrand/Lemony & Violet, pre-canon. B/B/L watching Violet grow over the years".  

ao3 link eng || ao3 link rus

Violet Baudelaire was a couple of minutes old, and Beatrice, exhausted and happy, was holding her in her arms.

“See, and you were worried,” remarked the midwife good-naturedly. She wasn’t a volunteer – as far as Bertrand and Beatrice had learned, no one among the staff there had any connection to VFD. That played a critical role when choosing the clinic. It was a stroke of luck, and Beatrice was almost sure that if at some point in the future she got pregnant again, they wouldn’t have the same luck the second time. “A strong and healthy baby!”  

“She must be taking after her father,” Beatrice replied, gently rocking her daughter to sleep. Strictly speaking, it was too early to judge whom Violet was taking after, because all infants, objectively, only looked like one another. It was what Beatrice used to think before, and even now, already feeling a sharp, scorching influx of love for this little warm bundle in her arms, the kind of love that made, in her eyes, this baby different from all the other babies in the world once and for all, she still found it hard to argue about. But Violet had brown eyes. Not green like Beatrice’s, and not blue like Bertrand’s.    

Well, that settled all doubts related to paternity.

“He left us her to remember him by,” she thought, and instantly felt angry with herself. Violet was no souvenir, no lock of hair in a locket or something of that sort. She was not a part of Lemony or Bertrand, not even a part of Beatrice – not anymore. She was a living being on her own, with a tiny red puckered face and long dark eyelashes, and Beatrice was positive that she would grow up to be kind, clever, and loved. At least she and Bertrand were going to do their utmost to make sure it happened.  

“Should I invite her father in?” the midwife asked, and Beatrice’s heart stung for a second, because he could not be invited, could not be summoned with a letter or a call or a telegram or by crying on the floor at three o’clock in the morning – but only for a second. Violet had a father, she reminded herself. It was just that once they used to hope she’d have two of them.

“Yes,” she nodded. “Please do.”

In her arms, Violet wrinkled up her nose and yawned.

 ***

 Violet Baudelaire was two years old and sleeping on the sofa in the living room, and Beatrice, who just came back from the nursery where Klaus was sleeping, was standing in the doorway and watching her. More precisely, she was watching her daughter, then shifting her gaze to Kit Snicket, seated in an armchair with a cup of already cooled-down coffee in hands, and then looking at her daughter again.  

“Has she noticed?” Beatrice thought. “Has she figured it out?”

Kit must have sensed her presence, for she turned around and looked at her closely without saying a word. Her lips pressed together tightly, her eyes sad. Her brown eyes.

Beatrice walked into the living room and quietly sat down on the other side of the sofa, next to Kit.  

“You know, he used to sleep like that as a child,” Kit said in a soft voice and smiled slightly. “Put his thumb in his mouth, curl up, and sleep.”

So she had noticed then. Beatrice sighed. “I am going to tell you something now, something that might upset you. But I have to say it, just to be on the safe side.”

“I am listening”.

“The fact that his blood flows through her veins doesn’t change anything. He wouldn’t want her… taken either. The three of us discussed that more than once.”

Kit tilted the cup to one side, then to another, as if she was going to read coffee grounds.

“I respect your choice,” she said slowly. “I was just watching her and thinking… I’d be glad if she had a quieter childhood than he did.”

“And you and Jacques did?”

“We were grown.”

Like hell they were, just two years older than he was. Beatrice gritted her teeth.

“He would have adored her,” Kit told her, and Beatrice found herself on the verge of tears but could hold them in – the joint effort of her acting skills and of some other, the ones acquired in VFD. Lemony’s death still felt like a fresh wound. She loved Bertrand with all her heart, but that heart had room for two, and Lemony, for that matter, took his place there earlier, back when they still were funny, self-assured kids. What was that thing Emily Brontë said? ‘Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.’ Truth be told, Beatrice didn’t like that book much – something in that story about the children who suffered a lot and grew up to make others suffer was too relatable for it to be enjoyed. It reminded her of that poem O loved to quote, possibly the only poem he ever really liked. Yet that one quote was priceless, because there was no better way to describe what she and Lemony had. Her soul was still alive, but something in it had changed irretrievably.        

“I know,” she said. “I know.”    

 ***

 Violet Baudelaire was five years old, and she had just proudly demonstrated Bertrand the tent she had built of several pillows, a mop, two blankets, and an old umbrella.    

“It’s not a tent, Dad,” she said reproachfully when he complimented her on her architectural talent. “It’s a palace!”

Naturally, Bertrand apologized at once for such a glaring mistake, and both of them climbed into the palace to check how comfortable it would be for her and Klaus when he came back – Beatrice took him to the dentist’s.  

“This will be our living room,” Violet explained. “You and Mom have a whole separate room for receiving your guests, but we will receive ours here.”

“And who will you invite first?” Bertrand asked. Violet paused to think.

“I don’t know,” she drawled. “Yesterday a girl at the playground told Klaus she had a book about dinosaurs. Maybe we’ll invite her? If she brings the book for us to see.”

Bertrand smiled – and then, as it sometimes happened when he was looking at his daughter, joy gave way to nostalgia.

Violet resembled Lemony. A lot. At times, it caused him pain, but that pain had nothing in common with the kind another man might have experienced in such a situation. He always thought of Violet as of his own daughter and did not doubt Beatrice thought the same – fine, perhaps he doubted it a little at first, but rather due to not being sure that he, an orphan raised by three siblings who were far too young when they took him in, could be a good father. These fears, however, had become history by now. The only reason why it pained him to recognize Lemony Snicket in Violet’s features was that he loved Lemony Snicket – still loved him – and would give an arm and a leg for him to be there, to be able to watch his daughter grow, learn, create and invent too – and his son as well, for just like Violet was Bertrand’s daughter, Klaus would’ve been Lemony’s son.  

“Dad?” Violet’s voice broke his train of thought. “Are you all right?”

Bertrand looked at her and smiled again; the way she looked like Lemony might have caused him pain, but it also made him love her even more.

“I’m fine, dear. Just got lost in thought. Hey,” he winked at her. “Will you help me make some sandwiches? I think we have to hold a welcome party to celebrate the opening of the palace when Mom and Klaus are back.”  

“Yes! Hooray!” Violet jumped to her feet in glee. The palace shook, but remained standing.

 ***

 Violet Baudelaire was ten years old, and Bertrand, standing on the veranda, was watching her swing Klaus on a swing that Beatrice and he had hung for them on the strongest tree in the garden. The Baudelaires could afford a decent wooden swing, even several if desired, but Beatrice had set her heart on showing the children how to make a swing out of a car tire. So presently, Klaus was sitting on a tire and trying to hold on to the rope and hold his glasses in place at the same time, while Violet kept pushing the tire every time it flew up to her.    

“Klaus,” Bertrand called, putting the phone aside for a moment, “Take off your glasses; you’re going to drop them! Violet, take the glasses from him and put them on the bench!”

“What are they doing?” Lemony asked at the other end of the line. Bertrand pressed the handset to his ear snugly.

“Riding on a swing. We put a tire on a rope in the garden for them, and now we have to watch out all the time lest they kill themselves on it.”

Lemony gave a short soft laugh. Bertrand could not describe how precious that sound was to him – until recently, he believed he would never hear it again.

“Come visit us someday. Meet them,” he said. It was not that he really had any hopes on that point, but it was worth trying once more. Sooner or later Lemony might simply get tired of saying ‘no’. “Please”.    

Lemony heaved a sigh. “The last time Beatrice and I talked I got the impression she did not want to see me.”

“She wants to. Trust me. She just needs to process it all properly. She believed you were gone – we believed you were gone – and then it turned out there was no need for all those tears, for all that pain… I can see why you acted that way, but that does not change the fact that you lied to us. Give her some time. I will tell you when you can come – of course, if you deign to leave the number for calling you back.”

“Bertrand, this might be dangerous. As a matter of fact, I am certain this is dangerous.”

“You know, Violet has your eyes,” Bertrand said. He imagined that was a sucker punch but he decided he had a right to it since Lemony let him and Beatrice mourn him for ten years.  

“And your habit of tying her hair up in a ribbon,” Lemony replied. If the remark about the eyes struck home, it was not obvious from his voice. “I saw you at the post office recently.”

“Right. Beatrice accidentally dropped a letter without a stamp into the post box, and Violet was trying to invent a way to fish it out without asking the post office employees for help. I do not tie my hair up anymore, though: I always get it cut short these days.”

“Understandably. You are a serious adult person now, and a family man, not some youth in flared pants.”

“I’ve never had any flared pants.”

“Well, a youth without any pants, then. That is even better.”

Bertrand rolled his eyes. “Please,” he said once again. “Consider my invitation.”

“All right,” Lemony agreed – perhaps to change the subject, or perhaps because he was actually going to consider it.

Violet still kept swinging Klaus, and both of them were laughing loudly. Bertrand stepped closer, as far as the phone cord allowed it.

“Can you hear them?” he asked and turned the handset in their direction, hoping that the noise the kids were making would be possible to hear. If he had switched over to sucker punches, he had to go all the way. Then he put the handset to his ear again.

“I can,” Lemony told him. His voice sounded chokingly.

Perhaps, Bertrand thought, he could bring him round in the end.

 ***

 Violet Baudelaire was fifteen years old, and Lemony was looking at her photo cut out of a newspaper.

He didn’t like thinking that from the point of view of biology, he was her father. He did not consider himself one – hadn’t earned the right to be called one. Bertrand, who had more than earned that right, might have objected (if only for the sake of debate – even after both of them had outgrown the unfounded feeling that they must oppose each other in everything, they still liked to engage into debates, though for fun only), but Bertrand, unfortunately, could not debate with anyone about anything anymore. Lemony couldn’t deny that Violet had his eye colour and his facial contours, but he had no doubt there was nothing of him in her personality: there was no reason for it to be. By contrast, she, just like her siblings, probably had inherited a lot of qualities, habits, tics, and junk words from Beatrice and Bertrand. Probably – because while he described every word and every thought of those children in his books, he did not know them personally, though he had seen them on numerous occasions.    

The Baudelaire orphans in his books were not, of course, the completely faithful images of the real Baudelaire orphans, more like a combination of what he had learned about them from the people who had met them, and what he imagined them to be like based on the things he knew about them. So Sunny Baudelaire, who looked like her father, was described as having her mother’s fearless heart, and Klaus Baudelaire, who took after his mother in terms of appearance, had the same quiet rage in him that his father had often experienced and meticulously concealed. As to Violet, she had inherited Beatrice’s unwavering urge to protect the ones she loved, and Bertrand’s inquisitive mind and talent for inventing. Beyond all doubt, her parents would have been proud of her if they knew how she acted throughout the series of unfortunate events that had befallen their family, though first and foremost they would have definitely been sorry that she had to grow up so fast, that all of their children had to grow up so fast.      

Lemony Snicket was not sure if he had any right to be proud of Violet Baudelaire, yet he was proud nonetheless.  

 ***

 Violet Baudelaire was twenty-six years old, and she was sitting across from Lemony at the table.

“Don’t be mad at Klaus,” she told him, her fingers smoothing out a candy wrapper reflexively. Sunny and Beatrice weren’t there because the hour was already late and the elders had sent them to bed (no one, however, could be sure they were really sleeping and not being occupied with any mysterious pre-teen business). Klaus wasn’t there either because about half an hour ago he retired to his room under the pretext of a headache. His countenance and demeanour had given Lemony the idea it had not been about a headache or, if it had, the cause of the said headache had been he, Lemony Snicket. “Don’t take it to heart, but he has never liked your books. Not so much your style or linguistic choices as the very fact of their existence.”

“What about you?”

“I don’t think it is of any importance. Firstly, you helped Beatrice find us. And secondly,” she smiled wryly, “I am older and I can hold my emotions in check.”  

Kit, he couldn’t help thinking as he shook up at the familiar irony, the familiar look of the brown Snicket eyes. But Violet Baudelaire wasn’t Kit or Jacques or Beatrice or Bertrand, all the more not himself. She was purely herself, no matter how stubbornly his eyes kept catching hold of those features of hers that reminded him of the people long gone. She was purely herself, and there was no place for him in her life, or in Klaus’s life, or in Sunny’s, and now that the four orphans had reunited again, he could not help doubting if there was any place for him in Beatrice’s.          

But Violet asked him, “Will you stay? At least for a couple of days. I guess since you’ve become a bestselling author thanks to us, we have a right to question you properly about our parents. And about our guardians. About everything.”

“Has she noticed?” he thought. “Has she figured it out?”

“Of course,” he agreed. He didn’t know if he was ready to reveal every single secret to them. Perhaps it would be cruel to swamp them with so much information inconsistent with a lot of what they had known before. Perhaps he was just looking for excuses beforehand. Perhaps he should think about it tomorrow, after all of them would have had enough sleep. “I should be very glad to.”  

So Violet Baudelaire smiled at him, and for a moment he forgot what doubt was.

[smurphyse]

great! i am loving your room 405 stories

and i read one yesterday about reid from every season on valentine's day, and i wanted to know if i could have one with every season of reid and reader on her birthday?

they can be sweet, romantic and smutty, i love the smutty LOL

thank you so much

again i am a big fan 💗💗

Ohh I'm so happy! I love writing Room 405, so thank you for letting me know you like it <3

I also read that one! @radiant-reid has the BEST hc's for Spencer! :)

I loved this, <3 Please send me more <3 They don't have to be all the seasons, I'll do smaller blurbs but this was too fun

Season 1:

I'd like to think for season one, Spencer wouldn't have the guts to ask you out yet, sooo

he probably would notice that you got kinda nervous about your birthday

and you haven't told the team either

so he sneaks a little dessert from your favorite bakery on your desk with a hand written note

it says, Y/N, I didn't know if you wanted anyone to know, but happy birthday. I hope it's as sweet and wonderful as you

You spend the rest of the day with heat in your cheeks and your lip tucked between your teeth

Enjoying it with your coffee, you notice Spencer watching you with the goofiest grin ever

so you go over and sit on the edge of his desk and give him half of it as a thank you

and you two share the dumbest little smiles all day

later that night you go over to his place to say thank you in person

and because it's your birthday and his present gave you the courage to tell the team the girls took you out for a drink... or three

so you had some liquid courage as well

and you kiss him before you can stop yourself

you still taste like the treat and those damned fruity cocktails Elle and JJ convinced you to drink

So he stops it at the kiss, but he drives you home and gives you another before he piles you into bed

he asks you out the next day, plying you with yet another treat

you definitely say yes, even though your head is pounding and you're hiding behind a pair of sunglasses

he loves the taste of that sweet on your tongue

Season 2

this year, Spencer's ready to go ALL OUT

he won't tell you what he has planned

he loves his secrets

when you step out of your room in your outfit, his jaw literally drops so quickly you burst out laughing

his face turns beet red but he stomps on over to you to pull you in for a deep kiss

you almost convince him to go back in the bedroom with you

but he's smarter than you and knows your tricks by now

he takes you to the botanical gardens, and it's closed except for the two of you bc you know he has connections

DC in the spring has these amazing cherry blossoms and it's nice and cool, but still warm enough for just a light jacket

He knows the name of every flower and plant, and he holds your hand tightly as he rambles on and on about them.

When you get to the section with your favorite flowers, theres a picnic blanket with a pretty little basket waiting

and you two share a bottle of wine as the flora shines under the twinkly lights

and he's too damned pretty and too damned sweet

and before you can pull him down to kiss you he gives you your dessert

you share it, giggling quietly together among the plants and the walkways

eventually you drag him down to you on the blanket by his tie, and you make sure he can taste every bit of that sweet

you barely get out of your clothes in your hurry (thank god for short dresses and crotchless panties, your present to him)

Season 3

This year was hard

after Spencer's torture and Gideon's leaving, he's really distracted and forgets

but you're not angry, and instead you planned for it.

a night in watching movies on the couch and cuddling under the blankets was more than enough for you

you barely had any time together that week because of the cases you two had

so taking a breather and ordering from the crappy chinese place down the street was exactly what you needed

he eases up after a while, laughing with you at the movie and munching on noodles in the soft light

as happened many times that year, you ended up with his head on your chest and him koala-ing you on the couch

you both fall asleep with the tv blaring

and when you wake up he's gone

you're just about to call him when the door opens behind you, and in comes spencer with that familiar box,

but instead of one he's got two and a bouquet of flowers

star gazer lillies and white roses to say sorry

he begs you to forgive him but you tell him theres nothing to forgive, you had a great birthday just being with him

he still feels awful, but you start the coffee pot and pour you both a cup

and you spend the morning in your sweats, enjoying your pastries and coffee and chatting about your plans for the year ahead.

maybe you'll get away sometime, maybe you'll get a new apartment

youre happy, and hes there, and thats all that matters

Season 4

Spencer was overjoyed to become a godfather that year

so you spent most of your free time at JJ's so he could bond with Henry

and you fell in love with the little guy too

but with the anthrax case and the reaper and riley jenkins and all the cases in between, its hard to root for the idea of a family some day. so much can go wrong

but you and Spencer love eachother

so you spend your birthday moving into an apartment together, passing one another on the stairwells and sharing quick kisses as you haul boxes up to the new place

at the end of the day you sit in your new living room, surrounded by boxes and boxes of both your things - mostly books, and you're exhausted

but spencer hasn't forgotten your birthday

he told you happy birthday about nine hundred times that day

and even though youre dead tired, he convinces you to unpack just this one box, it's the last one baby i swear

you sigh but you oblige, grinning like a maniac when you open it

its a little puppy bed with a collar

and the tag has an empty space for a name and your new address

"Three years later and I just want to live my life with you," he tells you as you watch him in shock. "You're my family, and I think we should add a member."

you go the next day to the shelter, but instead of finding a puppy, you find a big blue haired 90lb pitbull

shes the sweetest dog you ever met, though a little skittish, but to your surprise she and Spencer bond immediately

he isn't a fan of dogs, so that was why he wanted a puppy, but he and Delilah are bonded at the hip from the moment they meet

she sleeps under the covers on his side, so he's sandwiched between you two

he calls you his girls and you've never been happier

Season 5

Spencer wakes you up with a bunch of kisses all over your face

Delilah also joins in

Wake up sleepy head! It's my favorite day of the year!

You need a shower after, but you grumble and curse as you sit up

You stop on your way to the bathroom, side-eyeing the suitcases at the foot of the bed

He tells you hes whisking his girls away for Mommy's birthday

He always calls you Mommy when he's talking to Delilah, and he just preens when you call him Daddy to her

You shower, grumpily plopping in the front seat with an iced coffee and your sunglasses plastered on your face

its very early

he just gets too excited on your birthday, since it's also your anniversary

he doesn't forget your pastry, and you split it with him and Delilah as he drives you to locations unknown

you wind up at a cottage on the sea later that day

its beautiful, and it brings tears to your eyes as you walk up the wrap around porch and finally notice the SOLD sign on the walkway

"We're not squatting, are we Stick?"

he laughs and shakes his head

"I bought it a few months ago. Escrow closed last week. It's... for us, for when we need to get away"

You burst into tears in the drive way, and Spencer barely gets you inside since he's still using his cane

Delilah eventually licks you so much it makes you laugh, and you head inside to see what he had planned

it's beautiful, all the soft furniture and dimmed lights. Its romantic, all the wicker and light wood and gentle colors

Spencer makes you dinner, which is surprising because he's a terrible cook

later you find the takeout boxes in the trash, but you never say anything

He shows you around the house, and your bedroom has a gorgeous bathroom with a deep clawfoot tub

there's two spare bedrooms, but you two dont talk about why you might need those

After dinner you head to the beach, and Spencer leans heavily on you as you maneuver your way through the sand, Delilah trotting happily beside you

You watch the waves with a grateful smile, your chest bursting with pride and love as you stand with your little family on this little beach, your little heart full and safe

Spencer tells you he needs to tie his shoe, so you help him get down on one knee

but his shoe isn't untied

he pulls a little black velvet box from his pocket, Delilah sitting dutifully by his side

and he asks you to marry him while you cover your face with your hands and cry

when he slips the ring on your finger, you burst into tears again,

he's trying to get up to comfort you but that damned knee

and you fling yourself into his arms, tackling him into the sand and kissing him fiercely

Delilah joins in

and now your birthday is your favorite day of the year too

Season 6

It's been a long year of planning

Turns out Spencer has quite the eye for wedding planning

and he loves symbolism and all those little things you aren't so good at noticing

but thats why you have him, he's the little details guy, youre the big picture person

theres lilies and roses everywhere, soft colors and twinkling lights encasing the little seaside cottage he bought a year ago

you sit in your big bathroom, JJ and Emily and Garcia flitting around you

you get really overwhelmed, the weight of the day stressing you out

you start to panic, your face getting hot as you sit in your dress, and Spencer hears you from the spare bedroom where hes getting ready

the girls try to shoo him from the room, since its bad luck to see the bride on her wedding day

but he shoves his way inside anyways, stopping in his tracks as he lays eyes on you

your hair is already done, your makeup immaculate and radiant and ready to be the prettiest bride in the world

but your cheeks are red and your eyes are watery, being touched by so many people and ushered here and there... it was a lot

So spencer shoos the girls out and locks the bathroom door behind him, going to his knees in front of you and rubbing the backs of your hands

"If you're having cold feet..." he starts, and his voice is so small you almost burst into tears

and you tell him its not that, you want to marry him, even right there in the bathroom with you both dressed to the nines and looking like dolls

youre just not used to being the center of attention all the time,

and he smiles at you, kisses you gently on the lips

"After today, you'll only be my center of attention. We get down that aisle, and it's all over, baby. All we have to do after is dance and eat"

but you're still anxious, so you kiss him again, and the next thing you know hes lifting you up onto the sink

and the two of you rock together as he makes love to you right there, whispering sweet words and dirty things in your ear

and when you finish, all your stress is gone

and you walk down the aisle in the living room with his cum dripping down your thigh

you exchange your vows and kiss, squeezing your legs together and trying to ignore the fact that your friends and family are watching

you head back down the aisle as everyone cheers and heads outside, the two of you going back to the bathroom to decompress before the reception

and find yourself doing it again on the sink, but this time every dirty whisper and sweet declaration is followed by my wife, MY wife, my beautiful wife

Everyone clears out and you spend your honeymoon there, giggling like children each time you call him my husband, and he calls you my wife.

Season 7

You lost Emily right after your wedding, and got her back less than a year later

Spencer struggled a lot during the year, keeping mostly to himself and worrying you all year long

you were overjoyed when Emily came back, doing your best to understand her situation, but Spencer didn't see it that way

He was pissed, and it put a strain on the two of you all year

His obvious struggle and anger was a lot to deal with, especially in your tiny apartment

He moved out a few weeks before your birthday

at your request

it was just too much to deal with.

coming up on a year married and he couldn't seem to forgive or forget, and it felt sometimes like he took it out on you

So you and Delilah stayed in bed for your birthday

you cried a few times, holding her blue pelt close and relishing in her warmth

You fell asleep with your arms wrapped around her

and when you awoke, one side of the bed was dipping down, a hand on your hip

and when you turned Spencer was sitting next to you, holding a bouquet of star gazer lilies and white roses and a familiar box with a red bow

You smiled, because you couldn't help it, you loved him so much and he was there for you, on what was supposed to be both of your favorite day

and he burst into tears, sobbing apologies and swearing to do right by you

he started seeing a therapist the next day

and slowly things got better

Spencer moved in again

and you started looking for a house

Season 8

You had been moving into the house all week

carrying boxes and bedframes and bookshelves, oh god

so many bookshelves

It was a sweet brownstone in a great neighborhood

surrounded by young couples with kids and dogs

Delilah had a great time following the two of you up and down the stairs

tail wagging and barking at empty spaces

you almost managed to convince spencer it was haunted

he trusted you so much

but he knew you well enough to know when you were joking

Your birthday was a big deal in your relationship

According to Spencer it was, "The day I got my two best girls," since it was not only the day you were born, but the day you got married, started dating, adopted your first baby

Things were going great, especially after the pain of last year.

You sat on the kitchen counter at the end of the day, stirring a pot of macaroni and tossing Delilah stray dry noodles

when Spencer gives you yet another box to open

"Are we getting another dog?" you ask suspiciously

He shakes his head, biting down on his lip to keep from grinning

You open the box, dropping it when you saw what was inside

Spencer caught it easily, reaching inside and handing the contents to you

It was a little purple onesie,

Baby Reid emblazoned on the front

"You said you were ready to try..." Spencer grins at you, and you watch him with wide eyes. "I'm ready too."

The macaroni goes cold on the stovetop, the burners hastily turned off as you tried on the new kitchen counter

Then you tried three more times, once in the shower, twice in bed

Then again in the morning

Season 9

You spent all year trying

You weren't trying particularly hard

but the lack of results was getting to you

spencer tried to keep your spirits up, but you knew it was worrying him too

he started talking about adoption

and you were open to it, but just not yet

You'd been shot in the line of duty a few months back, so you were out of the field and spent most of your time at home or watching Henry for JJ and Will

You were enjoying the time with Henry, but it left your womb feeling achy and empty as of late

You hadn't been feeling great, dizzy and tired and bloaty

So Spencer had taken some time off to spend with you

Despite how crappy you'd been feeling you were horny all the time

and having him home was great because you could pull him into the bedroom any time you wanted

For your birthday and anniversary, he planned a night in since you hadn't been feeling well

JJ bought you a pregnancy test for your birthday

You were terrified to take it

All the other times it had been negative, but she insisted she was feeling the same way before she had Henry

so you were willing to try

Spencer bought you dinner and flowers, and after you ate you snuggled on the couch with him and Delilah

but then you felt sick

the little stick weighed heavily in your mind

you excused yourself as politely as you could and headed up to the bathroom

Your nerves almost got the better of you, but eventually you took it out of the package and did your business

The three minutes waiting for it were a LIFETIME

Spencer knocked on the door just before your timer went off, asking if you were okay

You opened the door with the little stick clamped tightly in your hands

and Spencer exchanged a worried glance with you

but he was your rock, and he covered your hands with his and kissed you sweetly

You and Delilah are the only family I need, Y/N

and you believed him

You both looked down at the pregnancy test, then looked back up at each other to take a deep breath in unison

When you turned it over you almost fainted, but Spencer caught you in a crushing hug

It was positive

Season 10

Little Diana was born about eight months later

You called her Lady Di, much to Spencer's mother's delight

Spencer spent your entire pregnancy being fiercely protective and hovering

Until your eighth month, you swore your feet never touched the ground, and even then he hardly let you get up

He'd carry you on his hip and set you on counters, rarely letting you move around on your own

You just got too heavy to carry, so he started working out with Derek

Delilah slept at the end of your bed each night, keeping watch

When you water broke, he swept you up and carried you to the car, hardly remembering the hospital go bag

He cried with every contraction

hating to see you in pain, face flushed and cursing up a storm

He held your hand and sniffled in between them, whispering sweet words of encouragement and reverence

you yelled at him and cursed him for doing this to you in the first place

He just nodded and agreed with you, even though you broke one of his fingers you squeezed him so hard

After fifteen hours of labor, Lady Di was there, in you arms

Spencer burst into tears the second he saw her, watching the nurses clean her off and following like a baby duckling as they handed her to you

your heart had never been so full

She was so small, and when her little fist wrapped around Spencer's pinky, he broke down and sobbed in your neck

He cried again when she let go

He cried a lot those first few days, overwhelmed and so so so happy he could barely function

You'd catch him up at night, cuddling her to his bare chest and reading to her in the dim light of the nursery, Delilah sleeping under the crib

She loved to give Di kisses, waiting patiently on the couch for you to tell her it was okay

Spencer stayed home with you the entirety of your maternity leave, and he had a harder time than you did returning to work.

He called the babysitter three times a day, and in return she texted you every hour with updates just so he would stop

your first birthday/anniversary after having the baby, you were determined to go out

JJ watched baby Di for you guys, and Spencer's chin wobbled as he stood in the doorway, holding her protectively in his arms as he tried to let her go

you were supposed to stay the night at a hotel, to try and get away for a little bit

But halfway through dinner you burst into surprised tears of your own, and you and Spencer rushed back to the LaMontaigne's to reclaim your baby girl

JJ and Will shooed you out of the house, telling you they just got her to sleep, and you needed the night off

So you and Spencer went to the hotel

you didn't make it out of the car

Who knew how it started, but it ended with the two of you tangled in the back of the minivan, gasping and giggling like teenagers as you laid just out of view of the baby carrier

When you got her back, you and Spencer stood over the crib and held one another, hardly able to believe you'd spent as many hours away as you did

You slunk off to bed a few hours later, and when you woke up she was still asleep

So you had some mommy/daddy time in the shower, listening closely for the baby monitor

You made it two and a half times before she started crying

Season 11

A year and four months old, and Diana was wearing you two out

She learned how to walk, and immediately started running

It stressed Spencer out, as she would be in one place one second and bolting the next, leaving him to chase the little giggle monster down

So he carried her everywhere you went

He'd already taught her Russian, which you did NOT have the capacity to learn, so they had their own little language without you

it was rude

They would sit on the couch and giggle, speaking softly while you hung out with Delilah

Diana was such a daddy's girl

She spent every second on Spencer's lap that she could

Sometimes you felt a little jealous, but then there were the other times

How she would reach out for you first thing in the morning, how her first word was mommy, and when she was scared she reached for you

But everything else she did with Spencer, and he lived for her attention

This year you were determined to go out, and stay out

So you made the hotel reservation again and dropped Di at JJ's

The two of you rushed out of there as quick as you could

You made it to the end of the street before Spencer pulled you into the back of the minivan

By the time you got to the hotel you were both disheveled

and the hotel clerk gave you a cheeky smile that made both of you turn red

The hotel room was immediately used and abused

god forbid they take a blacklight to the sheets,

yikes

Spencer ran you a bubble bath after and carried you in on his hip, clutching you close to his chest the whole time

He washed your hair with the luxurious shampoos and conditioner from the high end hotel, and then he washed you in reverence,

he paid extra special soft-touch attention to your stretch marks from your daughter

he loved those

like an inordinate amount

He told you, "Ten years later and this is still my favorite day"

And it's still mine, Spencer

You two slept in the next day, taking your time to get back to Will and JJ's

Ten years together and you had so much more to go

Okay, sorry I spent like 4 hours on this haha

I honestly haven't watched past the end of Season 12 because I heard about some of the Cat story lines and I just... haven't wanted to watch that. Maybe this time I'll watch the entirety of CM. I'm on Season 5 rn during this rewatch, which I always make it to like season 10 and go back to the beginning bc I like when theyre happy and just babies...

[lnights]

Thank you @ao3userxnowimnothing for tagging me in this!

rules: list your top 5 favorites of your fics, what they're about, and why you're proud of them, then tag some fic authors to do the same!

1: Our Circus Our Zoo

This was the first fic I've ever written or posted and I'm still kinda blown away about the positive reaction I got. This community has been so encouraging... Soulmate AU with identifying marks, in this case all the boys have a corresponding animal, and they're going down their biceps in a line according to birthday. The five find each other by the time they form BC, but their last is Aleksi and he has a lot of personal baggage that makes him terrified to find his soulmates. Robin is basically his cheerleader. And this sparked a whole series for me.

2: The Night Won't Let Me Go

Vampires! Aleksi and Olli are fledglings that have been abused and abandoned by their sire and Joel and Niko's coven adopt them. I liked this one because I used it to try to figure out my writing style and while OCOZ was more about emotional trauma this one showed more physical too.

3: One of Us

Are you seeing a theme here? Poor Aleksi... Set around the time Alex was collabing with BC, he slowly realizes he has feelings for them... All of them, which freaks him out considering he a, didn't realize he liked guys and b, hadn't considered polyamory. (Yes, this was written during Pride month) The other five are already a polycule and they slowly realize they want to add him. I think this was the story that made me realize I really like writing them as a poly group more then pairs.

4: The Sweetest I've Ever Tasted

Bakery/Coffee shop AU! Aleksi and Joonas own a shop, Niko and Joel work at a music school, and Olli and Tommi work at a hospital. Traditional pairs, with different friendships and getting together. This is easiest the softest thing I've written for a multi-chapter and I actually ended up writing two epilogues for it because it keep drawing me back in. It was also super fun writing Joonas and Niko as matchmaking gremlins.

5: I'd Like to Keep You Close to Me

SMUT

Emotional, trying to make up after a relationship damaging fight smut with Joel and Niko. I'm kind of proud of myself just for posting this? I have quite a few ideas with smut and I would like to incorporate some of it more into some of my stories, but right now I'm so nervous that it's just going to come off as awkward, so this was me pushing myself a bit to try to improve the smut skills 😅

Seriously though, I really haven't been on AO3 that long and Tumblr even shorter so I really appreciate how supportive everyone has been on both sites😭

@thesupernaturalwhovian @wow-ihateithere @outcastedang3l @drabbles-from-the-dark-side @askeataiho

[voidendron]

tagged by @vespertine-legacy for a Get to Know the Blogger - thanks, November! :D

1. why did you choose your url?

okay, so there's actually a bit of story behind it so this answer's gonna be long.

I was a roleplayer...god. years ago (6? ish years ago?), for the Transformers fandom, and because of the character I played, I got called "Blitz" and the nickname just kinda stuck, even after I left that fandom. before I'd realized I was trans, my username had "Queen" in it, and I had a separate account for RPing as that character. well, I had both accounts logged into the chat at the same time once cause I'd been chatting on my main, then decided to hop onto the RP one and forgot to disconnect my main (DeviantArt Chat, haha), someone didn't know which one to tag to get my attention, so just caps-locked BLITZQUEEN at me

it didn't take long for me to change my user to that. I eventually drifted away from that fandom, but I decided to name my mascot Blitz for the nostalgia

I started to get uncomfortable with my user, realized I was trans, and started looking for alternatives to the "queen" part of it. I came across the word "indite" which is a synonym for "write." I liked how symmetrical the I's were from each other in "Blitzindite," so decided to roll with it

so yes. my username is literally just "Blitz Writes" (it's also why my writing tag is "blitz indites")

2. any sideblogs?

@thevehszlegacy - where I keep track of my SWTOR OCs. needs updated, but soooo nice to have for sorting reasons

@swtor--screenshots - haven't posted there in a long while, but as the username says

@fr-thecollectors - my Flight Rising blog. currently in an inactive phase on FR, but I still adore my dragons there

@jse--deep-blue-sea - I had a crossover fic from my previous fandom that I stopped writing like two years ago, but decided to try and at least finish it now (mostly bc of the Subnautica part of the crossover). I only post chapters there so I can keep this blog to Star Wars content

I've got a few others I don't really touch anymore, but these are the notable ones

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

2018

4. why did you originally start your blog?

JSE and Markiplier Egos

5. why did you choose your icon?

my current one is my SWTOR main, but I usually have a gas mask one because my mascot has one in place of his face

6. why did you choose your header?

Aesthetic™

but I just really really love that screenshot. one of my favorites I've ever taken

7. what's your post with the most notes?

art from my previous fandom. not gonna link it because of eyestrain (glitching effects) and blood/gore. in this fandom, my post about being able to use headpieces (even the toothpick!!!!) to hide Vette's shock collar in vanilla

8. how many mutuals do you have?

uhhhhhh

idk

is there even a way to check that?

9. how many followers do you have?

249

10. how many blogs do you follow?

71

11. have you ever made a shitpost?

yeeee. my followers are probably tired of my dumb posts tbh aksjld;sldk

12. how many times do you use tumblr a day?

If I'm on my laptop, I have it open. so I'll just say "quite a bit" and leave it at that

13. have you ever fought another blog?

no

14. how do you feel about “need to reblog” posts?

can't stand them. the moment I see "everyone should reblog this" "if you don't reblog-" blah blah blah I scroll past whether I liked/agreed with the post or not, oftentimes without even reading the rest of the post.

15. do you like tag games?

sure! makes me nervous tagging others for them, tho

16. do you like ask games?

yessss I love ask games. haven't been doing em much lately, tho. I should get back into them.....

17. which of your mutuals do you think are tumblr famous?

I...don't actually know. but I know some of them are more fandom-famous

18. do you have a crush on a mutual?

nah

tagging: @thedinalixlegacy @raven-of-domain-kwaad and whoever else wants to do it! like I said, tagging others makes me nervous 😅

[flowercrown-bard]

ooh 1, 2, 4 👀

Thank you!!

1. Tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

Ah I'm so glad you asked bc I'm actually really excited about this! I'm doing a thing for the mountain archives prompts. Now I'm really bad at choosing prompts and I'm also bad at writing one shots so I figured I'd just include as many prompts as I could into a longer piece. And since I couldn't make the prompts make sense in a single story line, it's going to be a choose-your-own-adventure fic ^^

Process is... not as good as I had hoped. But today I finished the first full ending and the first half-ending (it will make sense once I've finished it). So... only like 12 more endings to go *nervous laughter*

I love most about it that I'm doing it. It's not perfect by any means but I've wanted to write another choose-your-own-adventure thingy since I posted the last one and I'm just really happy that I'm finally getting around to it

2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

I'm going with my reincarnation au. (minor spoiler) I have this one scene already fully written in my head (but I write in chronological order so I haven't actually written it yet) and um... It's another character death scene. There were some things that really gave me trouble with that fic and I think that one scene could solve them all (here's to hoping it will actually turn out good XD)

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

So, it's not exactly something I'm proud of but it's something I really like. It's from my fic Congealed:

"For the moment their eyes met, Geralt's heart congealed in his chest. It hardened, froze completely, and with it all feeling, all the love he had ever felt for Jaskier."

So. I didn't exactly come up with this myself. I was having the most vivid and drastic dream and this line was the last thing that was said in that dream before I woke up. It was 4am and that line was still so fresh in my mind that I just had to write it down so I wouldn't forget it. And then I couldn't sleep so I just wrote a fic around it. It's not the most coherent story bc again, I had just woken up and it was based on a dream but this line I really like.

In my dream it was in German and it sounded far more dramatic and fairytale like:

"Als sich ihre Blicke trafen, erstarrte ihm das Herz im Leib und er verlor alle Liebe die er für sie empfand."

Ask game

[frannyzooey]

Okay so I've spent a long time curating stuff you wrote and posted because I miss reading your writing (I went all the way back to May 13th, then Tumblr, this hellsite, refreshed 🤡) and would like to say a few things:

You write so much and so beautifully and prolifically, I'm truly amazed by your talent (if u ever hear a "all hail kelli" coming from somewhere, know that I was the one who started the chant)

I'm SO EXCITED for your new Marcus Moreno fic and your Javier Peña fic, I got more and more excited with each ask you answered/pic you tagged as "xxx inspo" about them

Tumblr didn't notify me of weeknights chapter 4, which means it really hates me but that's cool, I already decided to turn on notifications on your blog bc literally every single thing you write is Art™ of the prettiest and most wonderful kind, so I refuse to miss any of it 😤

I am bewildered at how sweet and kind and thoughtful you are - this "dive", of sorts, i did into your blog showed me just how much of a good and caring person you are, your answers and comments on others' fics were always so wholesome and joyful, idk man, you really are special! And it didn't really come as a surprise, but it just makes me incredibly warm inside thinking that you're out there making people's days better and being this bright light in the community, not to mention i still can't believe my luck to be able to call you a friend. You are wonderful 🥺❤️

I just remembered something else, I'm very 👀👀👀 at Gracie's happy ending which you hinted at in an answer 👁️👁️ is it out already? Did I miss it? Hdjdjdjsjsh

Anyways. I must sound like a broken record by now saying how much I love, appreciate and admire you, but I just can't help myself 🤷 now I'll go and read all the stuff I missed out on from you and I'd like to thank you once again for writing and sharing your marvelous talent for free like the literal angel you are 🥰✨

lela ❤️

I truly do not deserve this kind of love — your reblogs (which gave me life yesterday), your endless kindness, this wonderful ask just dropped into my inbox — it’s been a rough couple of days and it’s like you knew I needed that extra shot of love and came bursting in here with it like the ray of sunshine you are 🥰

1) I don’t even know what to say to this — I am so beyond happy you like my writing, it makes me so happy to share it and sometimes I get a little nervous about posting too much or wish I was a little bit more careful? choosing? about my writing but the way you just took those insecurities and said “NOT TODAY” — thank you 🥰❤️

2) eeeeee!!! I am so excited you are excited! I have a lot of ideas for them and it’s been nice to explore the fic in asks because it kinda takes the pressure off writing something more substantial? longer? more structured? looking at those tags is kinda dreamy, ain’t it? 😍

3) BUT THEN YOU READ IT AND MADE ME CRY with your reblog and I’m still weepy — thank you ☺️

4) this is something that is really important to me because sharing takes guts, takes being vulnerable, takes putting yourself out there and as someone who very much struggles with that in real life I want to make sure that I am beyond welcoming and enthusiastic to anyone who wants to share anything on here. kindness takes so little yet goes such a long way and I love seeing it on my dash — it makes people feel so welcomed and then we get more content which is always the goal, right? ❤️ you are my friend, something for which I am very thankful and you are one of the biggest resources of support and kindness — the generosity you provide with your time to support and uplift others is truly inspiring and I love you for that. 🥰

5) Gracie IS gonna get her ending — you didn’t miss it ❤️ feel free to send me any asks you have about her in the meantime, I’ve missed her so!

YOU are the angel, a true blessing and I appreciate you more than I can say. I am HONORED you took a deep dive on my blog — if that ain’t a love letter, idk what IS. 🥰🥰❤️

I LOVE YOU