#i was so moved by elisabeth's dressing room

[teatimeatwinterpalace]

THE HOFBURG Vienna, Austria

‘the beauty of Empress Elisabeth draws many people to the court who would otherwise stay away.’ Baron of Fichtenstamm

[muiitoloko]

I actually feel nauseous at the ending of the last chapter of difficult woman HE NEEDS TO BELIEVE HERRR

Title: A Cage of Emotions

Summary: Karl's strict measures to keep his wife close lead to a clash of wills and a moment of unexpected intimacy.

Pairing: Karl Hoffmeister × Fem! Reader

Warnings: none.

Author's Notes: After a whole lot of effort, sweat, and probably more tears than I'd like to admit, I finally managed to write this! 😅 I’ll confess it’s not my finest work, but I’m satisfied enough to send it out into the world. Enjoy!

First, Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh and Eighth part here.

Also read on Ao3

The next morning, Karl woke up and turned to look at you, sleeping peacefully beside him with Mouse nestled near your head. The sight stirred a mix of emotions within him—sadness, anger, and a sense of betrayal. You had tried to leave him without a second thought, and the wound was still fresh.

Karl slipped out of bed quietly, careful not to wake you. He locked the door behind him as he left the room, determined to prevent any further attempts at escape. He then made his way to the guest room where he had been sleeping previously. The cool water of the shower helped to clear his head, and he took his time, letting the steady stream calm his turbulent thoughts.

After dressing in a crisp white shirt, a dark waistcoat, and trousers, Karl descended to the dining room. Elisabeth was already seated at the table, her expression one of nervous anticipation. Hans stood near the table, his posture rigid and attentive.

Karl glanced at Elisabeth briefly before addressing Hans. "Hans, bring [Your Name] her breakfast in the bedroom. From now on, all her meals will be taken there. Also, move my belongings to that room."

Hans furrowed his brow in confusion, his eyebrows knitting together. He hadn’t believed the boss was serious when he mentioned confining Madame the day before. Hans had assumed it was just something said in the heat of the moment. But now, it appeared the boss was actually serious. “Will Madame really be confined to her room, Herr Hoffmeister?” he asked hesitantly.

Karl's face hardened as he met Hans's gaze. "Yes. She has everything she needs there. There is no reason for her to leave."

Hans's expression turned incredulous. "But sir, that's cruel."

Karl's eyes flashed with anger and disbelief. "Cruel?" he repeated, his voice low and dangerous. "She tried to leave me. She lied and deceived me. She deserves to be punished."

Before Hans could respond, Johann entered the dining room, his steps unsteady and his face pale from the effects of last night's indulgence. He groaned, rubbing his temples as he took in the tense atmosphere. "Why does everyone look so tense?" he asked, his voice rough. "What did I miss last night?"

Elisabeth's eyes flicked to Karl, a hint of satisfaction in her gaze. "There was a bit of excitement after you retired, Johann," she said, her tone carefully neutral. "But it's being handled."

Johann raised an eyebrow, looking between Karl and Hans with curiosity. "Handled? What happened?"

Karl's jaw tightened as he spoke. "My wife attempted to leave me. She will be confined to her room until further notice."

Johann's eyes widened, a mix of surprise and concern crossing his features. "She tried to leave? Why on earth would she do that?"

Karl's gaze was cold and unyielding. "Because she is unhappy, Johann. But that does not give her the right to deceive and betray me. She will stay in her room until she learns her place."

Johann opened his mouth to speak, but thought better of it, closing it again. He knew better than to argue with Karl when he was in this state. Instead, he took his seat at the table, his mind racing with the implications of what he had just heard.

Elisabeth, sensing the opportunity to solidify her position, leaned forward slightly, her voice soft and sympathetic. "Karl, if there's anything I can do to help, please let me know. I want to support you in any way I can."

Karl nodded, his expression softening slightly as he looked at her. "Thank you, Elisabeth. Your loyalty means a great deal to me."

Hans, still standing nearby, exchanged a worried glance with Johann. The tension in the room was palpable, and it was clear that the situation was far from resolved. The household had been plunged into a state of uncertainty, and the path ahead was fraught with challenges for everyone involved.

Meanwhile, you slowly woke up from your sleep, memories of last night coming back to you in a disorienting rush. Sitting up, you looked around the room, noticing that Karl was no longer there. Mouse, on the other hand, continued to sleep peacefully, curled up on the bed. You sighed, feeling a mix of relief and frustration as you realized Karl had likely locked the door behind him.

You got out of bed, your thoughts a whirlwind of anger and regret. You had been so close to freedom, only to have it snatched away at the last moment. The memory of Karl's grip on you, his possessive words, and his unyielding anger made your skin crawl. You couldn't shake the image of his face, twisted with a mix of rage and hurt, as he dragged you back to the estate.

As you took a shower, the hot water cascading over your body, you mentally scolded yourself. You should have ridden faster. You should have planned better. The thought of Elisabeth, her betrayal still fresh in your mind, made your blood boil. How could she accuse Liselotte so unjustly? You should never have trusted her.

Karl's blind trust in Elisabeth but not you was like a knife to the heart. A rational part of your mind argued that Karl had no reason to trust you, especially after you lied to him. But you didn't want to be rational at that moment. You were hurt, angry, and trapped in a situation that seemed increasingly hopeless.

Stepping out of the shower, you dried off and dressed in simple, comfortable clothes. You looked at yourself in the mirror, trying to muster some semblance of strength. The sight of your own reflection, the dark circles under your eyes, and the determined set of your jaw, reminded you that you were not defeated. Not yet.

You heard the bedroom door opening before Anna announced her presence. "Madame, I am bringing you breakfast," she said softly, entering with a tray.

You turned from the dressing table, your eyes narrowing with suspicion. "Where is Liselotte?" you asked, your voice sharp.

Anna hesitated, setting the tray down on a small table by the window. "Liselotte is fine, madame," she replied carefully. "She will now help in the kitchen and will no longer serve you directly. Herr Hoffmeister has assigned that task to me."

You frowned, confusion and irritation mixing in your expression. "Why?" you demanded. "Why has Karl made this decision?"

Anna's hesitation was palpable. She avoided your gaze as she straightened the napkin on the tray. "Herr Hoffmeister believes it is best for Liselotte to have different duties," she said finally. "He does not want her near you, fearing that you might plan another escape attempt together."

You felt a surge of anger. "It wasn't Liselotte who helped me escape," you repeated, your voice trembling with frustration. "It was Elisabeth!"

Anna nodded, her expression sympathetic but resigned. "Even if that is true, madame, the boss believes otherwise."

You clenched your fists, trying to contain your growing rage. "This is absurd," you muttered. "I will get ready and speak to Karl. He needs to hear the truth."

Anna's face grew tense, her eyes filled with concern. "Madame, you cannot leave this room," she said softly. "Herr Hoffmeister has forbidden it."

Your eyes widened in shock, the reality of your situation crashing down on you. "What do you mean?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. "He's keeping me locked in here?"

Anna nodded sadly. "Yes, madame. Herr Hoffmeister is serious about this. He has ordered that you are to remain in your room until further notice."

The words echoed in your mind, a cold chill settling in your chest. You were trapped, truly trapped, and the man who claimed to love you was the one holding the keys to your prison.

"This can't be happening," you whispered, your voice filled with disbelief and despair. "I can't stay here like this."

Anna stepped closer, her expression gentle but firm. "I'm sorry, madame. I will do my best to make you comfortable. But for now, you must abide by Herr Hoffmeister's orders."

You turned away, unable to look at Anna any longer. The weight of your confinement settled heavily on your shoulders, a mix of fear, anger, and hopelessness swirling within you. The walls of the room seemed to close in, the air thick with the suffocating reality of your captivity.

As Anna quietly left the room, you sank down onto the bed, hugging Mouse tightly. The small comfort of his presence did little to ease the storm of emotions raging within you. You were a prisoner in your own home, bound by the whims of a man who claimed to love you but whose actions spoke of possession and control.

Karl confined himself to his office after breakfast, the heavy oak door closing behind him with a resounding thud. He poured himself a generous measure of whiskey, the amber liquid glinting in the soft morning light that filtered through the room's tall windows. He stared into the glass, his mind replaying the events of the previous night. The hope you had given him, the tentative promise of a new beginning, only to make a fool of him by attempting to run away—it hurt him deeply. Karl didn't accept betrayal. Ever.

He took a long sip of the whiskey, the burn of the alcohol doing little to numb the pain and anger churning inside him. How could you have lied to him so convincingly? He had believed you, dared to hope that things might change, and now he felt like a fool.

There was a knock on the door, interrupting his thoughts. "What is it?" Karl responded harshly, his voice edged with frustration.

The door opened slowly, and Elisabeth entered, her expression tentative. Karl's gaze softened slightly at the sight of her. "What do you want, Elisabeth?" he asked, his tone less severe.

Elisabeth closed the door behind her and stepped into the room, her eyes filled with concern. "I just wanted to see how you were," she replied, her voice gentle.

Karl let out a bitter laugh, swirling the whiskey in his glass. "I'm fine," he said tersely, but his eyes betrayed the lie.

Elisabeth moved closer, her expression sympathetic. "No, you're not," she said softly. "I know you're lying, Karl. Last night was hard on you. I can see it in your eyes."

Karl's grip on the glass tightened, his knuckles turning white. "What do you want me to say, Elisabeth?" he snapped. "That I'm hurt? That I'm angry? That the woman I thought I could finally reach out to tried to leave me in the dead of night?"

Elisabeth's eyes flickered with a mix of guilt and determination. "Maybe it's time to consider letting her go, Karl," she said carefully. "She's not good for you. She's making you miserable. You deserve someone who truly cares for you."

Karl's anger flared at her words, and he slammed the glass down hard on the table, the sound echoing through the room. "Enough!" he barked, his voice a dangerous growl. "I will not hear this from you. I don't need your advice on what to do with my wife."

Elisabeth flinched, but she held her ground. "Karl, please," she pleaded, her voice shaking slightly. "I only want what's best for you. You deserve to be happy."

Karl's eyes blazed with fury as he stood up, towering over Elisabeth. "And you think getting rid of my wife will make me happy?" he spat. "You think giving up on her is the answer? No, Elisabeth. I will not let her go. She is my wife, and she will remain my wife. Do you understand?"

Elisabeth's eyes filled with tears, but she nodded, her voice barely a whisper. "Yes, Karl. I understand."

Karl turned away from her, his hands trembling with anger and hurt. "Leave me," he commanded, his voice cold and unyielding.

Elisabeth hesitated for a moment, her eyes lingering on him with a mix of sorrow and frustration. But she obeyed, quietly leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

Karl stood alone in his office, the silence heavy and oppressive. He picked up the glass of whiskey again, downing the rest of the liquid in one gulp. The burn did nothing to quell the storm raging within him. He had to find a way to make you understand, to make you see that you were his, and there was no escaping that truth. No matter the cost.

Karl didn't know how long he sat in his office drinking, seething with silent anger and sadness. The hours passed slowly, the light in the room shifting as the day wore on. Hans knocked on the door around lunchtime, offering to bring him something to eat, but Karl sent him away with a sharp dismissal. The whiskey provided a bitter solace, its warmth doing little to dull the ache inside him.

Karl sat brooding, the silence of his office punctuated only by the ticking of the clock and the occasional clink of glass against wood. His thoughts were a chaotic mess, swirling with the events of the previous night and the sense of betrayal that gnawed at him. He couldn't believe how you had deceived him, how you had shattered the fragile hope he had held onto.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Karl straightened, the interruption pulling him out of his thoughts. "Come in," he barked, his voice rough.

The door opened, and Anna stepped inside, her expression a mix of concern and determination. Karl's eyes narrowed as he looked at her. "What is it, Anna?" he demanded, his patience thin.

Anna took a deep breath, her eyes meeting his with a steady resolve. "Herr Hoffmeister, madame has refused to eat both breakfast and lunch," she stated, her tone firm yet respectful.

Karl felt a surge of anger rise within him, and he stood up abruptly, staggering slightly from the effects of the whiskey. "What is she planning now?" he muttered, his voice laced with frustration. "Starve herself to get rid of me? Does she hate me that much?"

Your words from the previous night echoed in his mind, the disdain and contempt cutting deep. "Fat old man," you had called him. The memory stung, fueling his anger further.

Anna stepped in front of him, her expression pleading. "Herr Hoffmeister, she's very sad that she can't leave the bedroom," she said gently. "Please, consider her feelings."

Karl ignored her, pushing past Anna as he stormed towards the door. "I don't care," he growled. "She will eat, whether she wants to or not."

Anna followed him, her voice filled with concern. "Herr Hoffmeister, this isn't the way to handle things. Forcing her won't help."

But Karl barely heard her, his mind consumed with the determination to confront you. He reached the bedroom door, unlocking it with a swift motion and pushing it open, ready to unleash his fury.

But the sight that met his eyes stopped him in his tracks. You were sitting by the window, hugging your knees close to your chest, tears streaming down your face. You looked broken, defeated.

For a moment, Karl's anger faltered, replaced by a pang of sorrow and guilt. He took a hesitant step forward, his voice softening. "[Your Name]," he said quietly, his tone a mix of frustration and something gentler. "You need to eat."

You looked up, your tear-streaked face filled with pain and defiance. "I don't want to eat," you replied, your voice trembling. "What's the point? I'm a prisoner here."

Karl's heart clenched at your words, the raw emotion in your voice cutting through his anger. He moved closer, his eyes filled with a mixture of determination and desperation. "You are not a prisoner," he insisted, though the words felt hollow even to him. "You are my wife. I want to take care of you."

You shook your head, wiping the tears from your face and straightening your posture, determined not to let Karl see your vulnerability. "You don't understand," you whispered. "I feel trapped. Suffocated."

Karl reached out, trembling as he gently touched your shoulder. But you flinched, standing up and moving away from him. The sight of your retreating form, the rejection, ignited a fresh wave of anger within him.

"I said you need to eat," he ordered, his voice sharp.

"I won't," you replied, your tone taking on a challenging edge. "Not unless you let me out of this bedroom." your sadness dissipated in the heat of the confrontation.

Karl's eyes narrowed, his fists clenching at his sides. "You have no right to demand anything," he snapped. "You will eat, and you will stay in this room."

You shook your head, your resolve unwavering. "I won't eat unless I can leave this room and have Liselotte serve me again."

Karl's face twisted with fury. "That's not going to happen," he growled. "You will eat, or there will be consequences."

"I don't care," you shot back, your voice filled with steely determination. "If you don't let me out, I won't eat. Not ever."

Karl's fists clenched tighter, his knuckles turning white. He was torn between his anger and a deep, unsettling worry. "You're a difficult woman," he muttered, his voice barely audible.

"And you're a cruel man," you replied, your eyes meeting his with defiance. "But I won't be broken by you."

The tension between you was palpable, a silent battle of wills that neither of you was willing to lose. Karl's anger simmered beneath the surface, but a flicker of something else—an unwilling admiration for your unyielding spirit—crept into his mind.

Karl's fists unclenched slowly as he took a deep breath, his eyes locked onto yours. The tension in the room was palpable, but there was a glimmer of reluctant understanding in his gaze. He stepped closer, his voice low and measured.

"Fine," he said finally, the words heavy with reluctance. "You can leave this bedroom and Liselotte can serve you again. But you must swear to me that you will not try to escape anymore."

You looked at him, your eyes wide with surprise and a hint of suspicion. "And if I don't?" you asked cautiously.

Karl's eyes darkened, his jaw tightening. "If you try to escape again," he said, his voice low and threatening, "I will fire Liselotte. And this time, there will be no reprieve."

Your heart pounded in your chest as you weighed his words. The prospect of freedom, even within the confines of the estate, was too tempting to resist. You nodded slowly, meeting his gaze with a mixture of defiance and resignation. "I swear," you said softly. "I won't try to escape."

Karl's expression softened slightly, though the intensity in his eyes remained. "Good," he murmured, stepping closer until he was mere inches from you. "Because I can't bear the thought of losing you. You're mine, and you always will be."

You were irritated by Karl's possessive words. You were not a possession, an object that people could possess. "I'm not yours, Karl," you said, your voice trembling with frustration and anger. "I am a person with my own thoughts, feelings, and desires. You can't just claim me like some object."

But Karl didn't even seem to hear you. His eyes were fixed on your lips, a dark intensity simmering in his gaze that you didn't notice while you continued to lecture him. The anger and defiance in your voice only seemed to fuel his desire, the raw, untamed emotions stirring something primal within him.

"Karl, you need to understand," you continued, unaware of the shift in his demeanor. "You can't control me, no matter how much you try. I will never be truly yours."

Karl's breathing grew heavier, his gaze unwavering as he stepped closer, the space between you growing smaller with each passing moment. His eyes roved over your face, lingering on your lips, and for a moment, the world around him faded away.

Without warning, Karl closed the remaining distance between you, his hand reaching up to cup the back of your neck. His grip was firm, almost possessive, as he pulled you closer, his lips capturing yours in a fierce, demanding kiss. The shock of his sudden action left you breathless, your anger momentarily forgotten in the heat of the moment.

The intensity of his kiss sent a jolt of electricity through you, a mix of anger, confusion, and an unexpected surge of desire. You tried to push him away, but his grip only tightened, his other hand moving to your waist, pulling you flush against his body. The raw passion in his touch was undeniable, and despite your anger, you couldn't help but respond, your body betraying you as you kissed him back.

Karl's lips moved with a hunger, a desperate need that mirrored the turmoil within him. His tongue traced the seam of your lips, demanding entry, and you found yourself parting your lips, allowing him to deepen the kiss. The taste of him was intoxicating, a heady mix of whiskey and something uniquely his. The sensations overwhelmed you, the feel of his lips, the heat of his body pressed against yours, igniting a fire that you had tried so hard to suppress.

Suddenly, the two of you were interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat. Startled, Karl broke away from the kiss, turning to see Anna standing in the doorway, her face struggling to maintain a neutral expression as a suppressed smile played on her lips.

You blushed furiously, stepping back from Karl and wiping your lips with the back of your hand. "How dare you kiss me without my permission?!" you exclaimed, your voice shaking with a mix of anger and embarrassment. "You're indecent!"

Karl smiled slightly, an infuriatingly confident expression on his face. "You kissed me back," he stated calmly, his eyes locked onto yours with a smug glint.

"That's a lie!" you shot back, your cheeks burning. You glanced at Anna, who quickly averted her gaze, trying to maintain her composure.

Mouse, sensing the tension, barked sharply from the bed. You moved to pick him up, cradling the small puppy in your arms as if seeking comfort. Mouse's presence provided a small measure of solace, his soft fur soothing against your skin.

Karl's smile widened as he watched you with an air of satisfaction. "You can deny it all you want," he said softly, his voice tinged with amusement. "But we both know the truth."

You glared at him, your heart pounding in your chest. "You're impossible," you muttered, turning your attention to Mouse, who licked your cheek in an attempt to comfort you.

Anna, sensing the need to diffuse the tension, stepped forward. "Herr Hoffmeister," she said gently, "perhaps it's best to give Madame some space for now."

Karl glanced at Anna, his expression briefly flickering with annoyance before he nodded. "Very well," he said, his voice still carrying an undertone of authority. He turned back to you, his gaze softening slightly. "Remember what I said. You stay in the house, and Liselotte can continue serving you."

You didn't respond, your focus remaining on Mouse. The room fell into an awkward silence, the weight of unspoken words hanging heavily in the air. Karl sighed softly, running a hand through his hair before turning to leave.

As he walked past Anna, he paused, his voice low but firm. "Make sure she eats," he instructed, his tone leaving no room for argument.

Anna nodded, her expression serious. "Of course, Herr Hoffmeister."

With one last glance at you, Karl exited the room, closing the door behind him with a soft click. The tension in the room eased slightly, but the lingering effects of the encounter remained. You sank down onto the bed, holding Mouse close as you tried to steady your racing thoughts.

Anna moved quietly to the tray, arranging the food with a gentle touch. "Madame," she said softly, her voice filled with compassion, "please, you must eat something."

You looked up at her, your eyes filled with a mix of frustration and resignation. "I don't know what to do, Anna," you whispered, your voice breaking. "I feel so trapped."

Anna's eyes softened with sympathy as she sat beside you on the bed. "I know, madame," she said gently. "But you must stay strong. Take it one day at a time. And remember, you are not alone."

You nodded, grateful for her kindness. The road ahead seemed daunting, filled with uncertainty and challenges. But for now, you took comfort in the small act of defiance, knowing that you still had your spirit, your loyalty to Liselotte, and the love of a small, loyal puppy.

Anna then got up, ordering you to eat while she would call Liselotte to help you prepare for dinner later. You were excited at the prospect and placed Mouse on the floor, who ran to play with his ball that was in the corner of the bedroom while you picked up your plate to eat your lunch. The warm food provided a small comfort, and you realized how hungry you had been after the emotional turmoil of the past day.

As you ate, Anna left the room quietly, her soft footsteps barely audible. You savored each bite, the simple act of eating bringing a sense of normalcy back to your life. The thought of seeing Liselotte again lifted your spirits, and you found yourself looking forward to the evening despite the lingering tension with Karl.

After finishing your meal, you set the plate aside and watched Mouse chase his ball around the room, his playful antics bringing a smile to your face. There was a knock on the door, and you called out, "Come in." Your heart lifted when you saw Liselotte enter, her familiar presence a balm to your troubled mind. You stood up, moving to embrace her, but she remained at the door, bowing slightly with a professional demeanor.

"Liselotte," you began, your voice filled with emotion, "I'm so glad to see you."

Liselotte's expression was neutral, her eyes not meeting yours. "Madame," she replied formally, "how may I assist you today?"

You felt your enthusiasm deflate, understanding the reason for her coldness. She had every right to be upset, having been wrongly accused and almost losing her job. The guilt weighed heavily on you, but you were determined not to lose her friendship.

"Liselotte, I'm truly sorry for what happened," you said earnestly, stepping closer. "I never meant for you to get involved or to put your job at risk. You mean a great deal to me."

Liselotte remained silent, her posture rigid. "I understand, madame," she said after a moment, her tone clipped. "But it was a difficult situation. I have worked here for many years, and my loyalty has always been to the household."

"I know," you replied, your voice softening. "And your loyalty is something I value deeply. Please, forgive me. I never wanted to cause you any harm."

Liselotte's eyes finally met yours, and you saw a flicker of emotion there—hurt, anger, and perhaps a trace of understanding. "It was a close call," she admitted, her voice quieter. "I have never been accused of something like that before."

You nodded, feeling a lump form in your throat. "I promise it won't happen again. You are more than just a servant to me, Liselotte. You are my friend."

There was a long silence as Liselotte studied you, her expression softening just a little. "I hope you mean that, madame," she said finally. "Because friendship is built on trust and honesty, and that has to go both ways."

"I do mean it," you assured her, taking her hand in yours. "I need your friendship now more than ever."

Liselotte nodded slowly, a small smile appearing at the corners of her lips. "Thank you, madame. Your friendship means a lot to me," she said softly.

You returned her smile, feeling a genuine warmth towards her. "I'm glad we can trust each other, Liselotte. We need to stick together in this house."

Liselotte's eyes sparkled with a mix of relief and gratitude. "I agree, madame. It's been difficult, but knowing we have each other makes it more bearable."

Her words reassured you, and you felt a renewed sense of determination. "We will get through this, Liselotte. Together."

Liselotte hesitated for a moment, then asked, "Madame, was it really Elisabeth who helped you escape?"

The mention of Elisabeth's name made your blood boil, and your expression hardened. "Yes, it was Elisabeth," you replied, your voice laced with anger. "She helped me escape and had the audacity to lie and accuse you unfairly."

Liselotte's eyes widened in surprise and disbelief. "How could she do such a thing?" she said, her voice trembling slightly.

"Because she's manipulative and selfish," you replied bitterly. "But she made a mistake by lying about you. Now she has made an enemy of me."

Liselotte looked at you, a mix of admiration and hope in her eyes. "Thank you, madame. Your support means everything to me."

You nodded firmly, your determination strengthening as you let go of Liselotte's hands. "I will take revenge on Elisabeth," you declared, your voice resolute.

Liselotte watched you with a mixture of concern and curiosity. "How will you do that, madame?" she asked softly.

You blushed a little, feeling a rush of uncertainty. "I'm not entirely sure yet," you admitted. "But I will find a way."

Liselotte thought for a moment, then a mischievous glint appeared in her eyes. "If Elisabeth likes Herr Hoffmeister so much, why don't you use his devotion to you to upset her?" she suggested.

The memory of Karl's kiss flashed through your mind, making you blush even more. You shook your head, trying to dismiss the thought. "It's a good suggestion," you conceded, "but I don't want to give Karl false hope. It would only complicate things further."

Liselotte nodded, understanding your hesitation. "Very well, madame," she said, a small smile playing on her lips. "Then let us make you beautiful for dinner tonight. If we can't use Herr Hoffmeister directly, we can at least make Elisabeth jealous and ensure that Karl can't take his eyes off you."

You smiled at Liselotte's enthusiasm, feeling a spark of excitement at the prospect. "Alright," you agreed, standing up. "Let's do it."

Liselotte led you to the vanity, her hands deftly arranging your hair and selecting the perfect accessories to complement your features. As she worked, you felt a sense of camaraderie and support, knowing that you weren't alone in this struggle.

Liselotte’s skillful hands worked quickly as she finished arranging your hair, a delicate yet sophisticated style that framed your face beautifully. She then selected a deep burgundy dress from your wardrobe, its rich color and elegant design accentuating your figure in a way that was both understated and alluring. The fabric felt luxurious against your skin as Liselotte helped you into the dress, adjusting the fit to perfection.

When you were finally ready, Liselotte stepped back, her eyes filled with pride. “You look stunning, madame,” she said softly, a smile playing on her lips.

You glanced at your reflection in the mirror, surprised by the transformation. There was a certain confidence in your appearance that hadn’t been there before, a reminder that even in the midst of your confinement, you still had control over how you presented yourself. “Thank you, Liselotte,” you replied, returning her smile. “I feel ready.”

With that, Liselotte accompanied you to the dining room. As you approached, you could hear the clinking of cutlery and the murmur of voices from within. Taking a deep breath, you pushed open the door and entered the room.

Karl, Johann, and Elisabeth were already seated at the table. Johann was engrossed in his meal, while Elisabeth picked at her food, her expression thoughtful. Karl, however, hadn’t touched his plate. As you stepped into the room, his gaze immediately locked onto you, his eyes widening slightly in surprise.

For a moment, there was silence as Karl took in your appearance. The flicker of admiration in his eyes was unmistakable, and you could feel his gaze lingering on you as you moved towards the table. Despite the tension between you, there was an undeniable connection, a pull that neither of you could fully ignore.

Determined to maintain some distance, you deliberately chose a seat further away from Karl, hoping to avoid any direct confrontation. However, the moment you sat down, Karl's expression darkened, his earlier anger and resentment, briefly softened by the kiss, came rushing back. He gestured sharply toward the chair beside him. "Come here and sit next to me," he commanded, his voice calm yet leaving no room for disagreement.

You hesitated, your heart pounding. The last thing you wanted was to sit so close to him after the kiss. “I’d prefer to sit here,” you replied, your tone polite but firm.

Karl’s eyes narrowed, and his voice took on a dangerous edge. “That wasn’t a request,” he stated, the words carrying a weight that made the air in the room feel heavier. The lightness of the earlier conversation evaporated, replaced by a tension that gripped everyone at the table.

The room fell silent, the atmosphere charged with a palpable sense of unease. Johann paused mid-bite, his fork hovering in the air as he looked between you and Karl, sensing the shift in the dynamic. Elisabeth’s eyes darted nervously from you to Karl, her expression betraying her discomfort.

You stopped, the force of Karl’s tone catching you off guard. He had never spoken to you like this before, and it was clear that something had changed within him since your attempted escape. The authority in his voice was unsettling, a stark reminder of the power he held over you.

Slowly, you rose from your seat, your movements deliberate as you made your way to the chair beside Karl. The silence in the room was suffocating, every eye on you as you reluctantly took the seat he had indicated. The distance you had tried to maintain was now gone, and you could feel the intensity of his presence beside you, an overwhelming force that seemed to dominate the space.

Karl didn’t speak for a moment, his gaze fixed on you. The tension in the air was thick, the unspoken words hanging between you like a dark cloud. Finally, he leaned in slightly, his voice low but firm. “You will sit beside me from now on,” he said, his tone brooking no dissent. “Do you understand?”

You weren’t intimidated by Karl’s tone. Instead of answering him, you pushed your chair as far away from him as you could, maintaining your silence. The scrape of the chair’s legs against the wooden floor echoed loudly in the tense room, causing everyone at the table to flinch.

Karl’s jaw tightened, his eyes narrowing at your defiance. His patience, already worn thin, snapped. Without a word, he reached down and grabbed the leg of your chair, forcefully pulling it back toward him. The sudden motion made the chair lurch violently, causing you to gasp in surprise as you were abruptly brought closer to him. The noise of the chair scraping against the floor was harsh and grating, the sound amplifying the tension that already hung heavy in the air.

"Enough of this nonsense," Karl growled, his voice low and dangerously controlled. His grip on the chair was unyielding, his eyes boring into yours with a mix of anger and something darker, more possessive. "You will sit beside me as my wife. This is not up for discussion."

His words, spoken with such finality, sent a shiver down your spine. There was no doubt in his voice, no room for negotiation. Despite the kiss earlier softening him a little, Karl was still deeply hurt and angry over your attempt to flee. The betrayal he felt was evident in his every action, and the raw emotion simmering beneath the surface was both frightening and overwhelming.

You stared back at him, your heart pounding in your chest, but you refused to let him see your fear. Your eyes met his with defiance, though the close proximity made it difficult to maintain your composure. "You can force me to sit here," you said quietly, your voice steady despite the tension, "but you can’t force me to accept this."

Karl’s expression darkened, a flicker of something akin to pain crossing his features before being replaced by cold resolve. "You can pretend all you want," he murmured, his tone low and edged with frustration, "but you will learn to accept your place by my side. You are my wife, and nothing will change that."

The finality in his voice was suffocating, his words a chilling reminder of the control he exerted over your life. The power dynamic between you was stark and inescapable, and the reality of your situation pressed down on you like a weight.

Elisabeth shifted uncomfortably in her seat, her eyes darting between you and Karl with a mixture of anxiety and something else—satisfaction, perhaps, at seeing you so clearly under Karl’s thumb. Johann, on the other hand, looked deeply uneasy, his brow furrowed as he watched the exchange, clearly disapproving of Karl’s behavior but unwilling to speak out against it.

Despite the oppressive atmosphere, you maintained your silence, determined not to give Karl the satisfaction of seeing you falter. You focused on the meal in front of you, forcing yourself to take small bites even though your appetite had all but vanished. The taste of the food was bland in your mouth, your mind too occupied with the implications of Karl’s words to truly register the flavors.

Karl’s presence beside you was suffocating, his proximity a constant reminder of the power he held over you. His hand, still resting on the leg of your chair, served as a physical manifestation of his control, and you could feel the tension radiating from him in waves.

As the meal continued in tense silence, you couldn’t help but reflect on the events that had led you to this moment. Your failed escape, Karl’s furious pursuit, the kiss that had left you confused and unsettled—everything had culminated in this power struggle, and it was clear that Karl had no intention of relinquishing his hold on you.

But even as you sat there, outwardly compliant, your mind was already working on your next move. Karl might have won this battle, but the war was far from over. You would bide your time, gathering your strength and waiting for the right moment to strike back. This wasn’t over, not by a long shot.

For now, though, you had to play the part of the obedient wife, at least outwardly. You allowed Karl to believe he had the upper hand, even as your resolve hardened. You would survive this, and you would find a way to regain your freedom, no matter what it took.

Karl, for his part, seemed to sense the undercurrent of defiance still lingering within you, and though he didn’t say anything further, his grip on the chair remained firm, a silent reminder of his control. The atmosphere in the dining room remained thick with tension, and though the meal continued, it was clear that nothing had truly been resolved.

Karl finally let go of the chair, his fingers uncurling slowly as he hesitated, his hand hovering just above your thigh. For a brief moment, he seemed torn, wanting to reach out to you, to establish some physical connection, but the memory of your earlier defiance flashed in his mind. The thought of you swatting his hand away in front of everyone stopped him cold. With a quiet sigh, he withdrew his hand, placing it back on the table. His eyes remained fixed on you as you took small, measured bites of your food, which had been placed in front of you by an employee.

The atmosphere in the room remained tense, with the weight of unspoken words hanging heavy in the air. Karl watched you closely, his brow furrowing as he noted the slow, almost reluctant way you ate. After a few moments, he couldn’t hold back his frustration any longer.

"Why aren't you eating properly?" Karl's voice was low, his tone carrying a mixture of irritation and genuine concern.

You glanced at him, your expression cool and defiant. "I could ask you the same," you replied, your voice edged with subtle humor.

Karl blinked, caught off guard by your retort. His gaze flickered down to his own plate, where the food remained untouched. He hadn’t even noticed that he hadn’t taken a single bite. With a quiet, self-deprecating sigh, he acknowledged the truth in your words.

"You’re right," Karl admitted, his voice softer now, tinged with a reluctant understanding. "But I still want you to eat properly." His tone held a trace of the old authority, but the anger that had fueled his earlier outburst was noticeably absent.

You shrugged slightly, still playing with the food on your plate. "I had lunch late," you explained, though there was a hint of irritation in your voice. "That's why I'm not very hungry now."

Across the table, Elisabeth’s fork paused mid-air, her knuckles tightening slightly as she overheard the exchange. Her eyes darted between you and Karl, a flicker of jealousy darkening her features as she took in the surprisingly soft tone Karl had adopted with you. She forced a smile, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

Karl, however, seemed oblivious to Elisabeth's reaction. His focus remained solely on you, his eyes searching your face for any sign of the vulnerability he’d glimpsed earlier. The kiss in the bedroom had softened something within him, but the sting of your attempted escape still lingered, a raw wound that refused to heal. He wanted to reach out, to mend the growing rift between you, but pride and anger held him back.

He watched as you continued to take small, disinterested bites, and his own appetite seemed to vanish entirely. "Fine," he said quietly, conceding the point. "But from now on, try to eat at the proper times."

You gave a noncommittal nod, your attention turning back to your plate, but the brief exchange had shifted something between you, lightening the tension just a little.

As the meal continued, the earlier tension slowly dissipated, though it never quite vanished. Karl remained quiet, his thoughts clearly elsewhere, while you focused on finishing your meal, your mind already planning your next move.

Elisabeth, on the other hand, couldn’t quite hide the frustration bubbling beneath her composed exterior. She picked at her food, her thoughts clouded with jealousy as she watched the subtle, almost tender way Karl interacted with you. It was a side of him she rarely saw, and the realization gnawed at her, feeding her resentment.

In the corner of the room, Johann finally cleared his throat, attempting to break the lingering tension. "So," he began awkwardly, glancing between the three of you, "perhaps we should discuss something more pleasant. The weather has been quite nice lately, hasn’t it?"

The mundane comment was met with silence, but the absurdity of it finally broke through the tension. You couldn’t help but let out a small, involuntary laugh, the sound light and almost surprised. Karl’s lips twitched, the ghost of a smile playing on his face as he shook his head at Johann’s clumsy attempt at humor.

The moment passed quickly, but it left a lingering sense of normalcy, a reminder that not everything between you and Karl had to be a battle. It was a small, fleeting victory, but in the midst of everything, it felt like a step in the right direction.

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Kay Francis (Jewel Robbery, I Loved A Woman, British Agent)— kay francis was an icon of glamor in her time and a top star of the 30s - she was the highest-paid actress at warner bros from 1930 to 1936. she tended to play characters who were charming, sophisticated, and elegantly dressed, and starred in at least one legitimate masterpiece, the sublime 1932 comedy trouble in paradise. her first big role was in the marx brothers movie the cocoanuts in 1929, and she and william powell made seven movies together between 1930 and 1932. even in her sillier movies she always elevates the material with her charm and presence - she never phones it in and there’s a sort of warm, knowing wittiness about her. a really good short promo from a retrospective of her movies that i think really gets her Vibe across

Elisabeth Welch (Song of Freedom, Big Fella, Dead of Night)— Starry-eyed, honey-voiced, magnetic. A Broadway star in the 1920s, she SHOULD have become a torch-singing Hollywood star when talking pictures came in. Instead she was faced with Hollywood racism, so she moved to Europe and juggled British movie roles and a top-class cabaret career. (Heard the classic songs "Stormy Weather" or "Love For Sale" or "As Time Goes By"? She introduced them all.) You need to hear her croon, so here she is co-starring with certified hot vintage man Paul Robeson [video below the cut]

This is round 2 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Kay Francis:

Jewel Robbery clip

"From 1932 through 1936, Francis was the queen of the Warner Bros. lot, and, increasingly, her films were developed as star vehicles. By 1935, Francis was one of the highest-paid actors, earning a yearly salary of $115,000, dwarfing the $18,000 Bette Davis – who would one day occupy Francis's dressing room – made. From 1930 to 1937, Francis appeared on the covers of 38 film magazines, second only to child sensation Shirley Temple's 138." Source: Wikipedia. Kay Francis is like the MOST FAMOUS Actress from the 1930s you've never heard of--and it was her and Norma Shearer who wore and made classic the 1930s tall, slim, bias cut silhouette. She ALSO has a WHOLE PODCAST episode devoted to her life and career in Hollywood--it's fascinating! She is both tough and a total wet cat.

One of the TALLEST Warner Brother stars at 5’9” and known as a “clothes horse” for her glamorous roles wearing the height of 1930s fashion. She fell out of popularity in the 40s, but her 30s work sizzles. The scene with her and Herbert Marshall in Trouble in Paradise where she says she doesn’t care about his reputation (because she’d rather sleep with him?) HAWOOGA

melted my gay heart with her butch look in stolen holiday

"My life? Well, I get up at a quarter to six in the morning if I'm going to wear an evening dress on camera. That sentence sounds a little ga-ga, doesn't it? But never mind, that's my life ... As long as they pay me my salary, they can give me a broom and I'll sweep the stage. I don't give a damn. I want the money ... When I die, I want to be cremated so that no sign of my existence is left on this earth. I can't wait to be forgotten." —From Kay Francis's private diaries, c. 1938

Elisabeth Welch:

[jjick00]

I translated my friend's fanfiction.

Title: Masquerade

Elisabeth sighed in satisfaction and pulled up the hair of the man who had his head between her legs. Elisabeth also playfully pushes away the sly man who puts his wet mouth close to her as if asking to kiss her. Early in the evening, when not only the audience but also the staff who were organizing the stage had gone home, the man and woman were having a secret meeting in Elisabeth's waiting room, half dressed in stage costumes. The woman's hand rummaged through the drawer and found her pack of cigarettes. When Elisabeth takes a cigarette from her, the man who was watching her naturally lights up. The two, who first met each other just four months ago, got along well like old lovers.

“There’s a fire alarm on the ceiling.”

As the man glanced at the ceiling, Elisabeth stepped on the dresser, stood up, and blew out her smoke toward her fire alarm as if to show off. Elisabeth wrinkles the bridge of her nose and smiles mischievously at the man who stands silently as if waiting for a fire alarm to sound soon. The man also lets out a mirthless laugh and pretends to raise his hands as if he has lost. Elisabeth pushed the furniture on her dressing table to a corner with her tiptoes and sat down in front of her mirror, hugging her knees.

"As soon as I moved my luggage into this dressing room, I cut the fire alarm line. Now! don't waste time and tell me properly, where are you from?"

“Austria.”

Even with Elisabeth's gaze following her persistently, the man's eyes did not stir even a small wave like a quiet lake. As her gaze became entangled, the man's eyes softened. Elisabeth looks closely at the wrinkles around the man's eyes, or rather, what she thought were wrinkles for a moment. The man looked about five or six years younger than he was, but at times he felt like he was fifteen years older than him.

“Haha! Lie. I know what Austrian names are, you know that, right? That Austrian who did a car commercial with me a month ago.”

“Rudolf Maiglöckchen?”

“Yeah, that long, funny name. Yours is a little drier and… smells like the wind.”

Elisabeth thinks of a young man with wheat-colored hair. A man who was more shy and businesslike than the rumors said, and who danced as fiercely as the winter wind with a body like well-polished marble. The man who noticed that Elisabeth was lost in her thoughts continued her words.

“For someone who spoke so indifferently, he seemed quite interested.”

“Me? Haha! He’s not interested in women, it’s not really a secret.”

“And you?”

“I’ve never been interested in anyone.”

At Elisabeth's words, the man pretended to grab his chest as if he had been stabbed by a dagger. She puts her face close to that man as if interrogating him.

"So, that's weird. I've never found anyone attractive except you. ...Oh, except David Bowie. Tell me, where the heck are you from? What's your real name?"

I think you just like blondes, especially blondes as sweet as raspberries. Elisabeth playfully shoved the shoulder of the man who was avoiding her question, as if trying to clear her throat with a lame joke. While Elisabeth was deep in her thoughts, shaking off the ash from a cigarette butt, the man put back on the hood he had taken off. Her eyes widen as she sees the man putting on his sandals and getting ready to go out.

“At least I understand that you are not the type of person who saves your favorite chocolate once a day, but rather the type of person who devours it all in one sitting.”

“Are you already going?”

“I wanted you to save some chocolate.”

The man walks straight toward the door. Elisabeth urgently ask him, who doesn't even have the slightest pretense of saying "Have a good night" or "See you tomorrow."

“Can we continue?”

The man stops walking when asked a question that has neither a subject nor an object. What was she asking about? A secret secret affair that avoids the eyes of colleagues? An unanswered riddle? Or, a masquerade ball where you hold hands and fall in love while guessing his identity? elisabeth didn't know. For a man, it won't matter what it is. She didn't hear any laughter, but elisabeth could tell the man was laughing.

「 as long as you want. 」

The man's voice seems to be buzzing inside my head, not just outside the door. A man's hand is visible through the crack in the closed door. The man's hands are bathed in the darkness of the hallway and appear to be wearing gloves. Elisabeth looks at the man's fingertips, which appear to be wearing black velvet gloves, and she feels an unknown nostalgia.

It was a longing that could not exist.

I drew cartoons of what my friend wrote. It tells the story of Sisi, a dancer reincarnated in the 21st century, and Death pretending to be a fellow dancer.

This setting comes from the setting of Germany's Der Tod actor Olegg Vynnyk's elisabeth music video. (olegg, what the hell did you do? ！)

[pompadourpink]

French things even I don't understand

A bilingual French person with a good accent is still expected to pronounce things with a horrible French accent, otherwise, it sounds like you're bragging and people will laugh at you "honlala excuse-nous Elisabeth II"

Saying Bonjour after 6 can get people either mad or moved by your stupidity and you will feel a need to apologize and blame your long day

Men pee outside a lot

We are in school from 8/9 to 5, with usually just 1h of lunch break and two 15mn breaks at 10 and 3 from age 6 to 17 - no idea how I did it

How mean we are to each other

Paperwork. We still have to write physical letters to cancel contracts; applying for something will require you to print out twelve things including your mother's preschool teacher's birth certificate.

Royals used to have to do a lot of private things in public (Louis the XIV had his first meeting of the day on the potty), notably having to be dressed by the person with the highest title in the room; if someone fancier showed up, they had to strip and start over (as shown in Marie-Antoinette).

The way we treat the DOM-TOM

After WWII, people got so ashamed of Pétain's Collaboration that schools started teaching that most people were resistants; former president Chirac gave a speech in 1995 recognizing our responsibility in the tragedy of the Vel' d'hiv roundup (which led to 13k Jewish people getting arrested) but then in 2007 Sarkozy who was a schoolboy in the 60s/70s took a step back and instrumentalized the letter that resistant Guy Mocquet wrote to his family the day before his execution, making it mandatory for all high school history teachers to read in class (mine was a union leader and told the head to pound sand)

We somehow take the pain au chocolat/chocolatine debate very seriously

The language, sometimes - a lot of weird exceptions are a heritage from Medieval peasants who didn't go to school and couldn't speak proper Latin, turning it into French (ex: we count funny because we use to count cattle by groups of 20 units - although most of us don't even realise we count funny)

Haiti's independence debt

Fanmail - masterlist (2016-) - archives - hire me - reviews (2020-) - Drive

[pale-persephone]

Reign Revisited: The Pilot

Waaaaay back in 2013, when The White Queen had just finished its initial 10 episode run on Starz, some fan blogs I had followed began buzzing about a new show that had just premiered. This time, the queen in question was Mary Stuart, and like The White Queen, this new show was soapy and sexy and full of great costumes.

The White Queen is historical fiction, emphasis on the fiction. Compared to Reign, however, it is a doctoral thesis on primary-document research.

Reign isn't historical fiction. It's historical fanfiction. It's a fanfiction salad with side of lite history and a sprinkling of fact croutons. If you were tuning into Reign hoping to actually learn something

So, let's start with the fact croutons. What did Reign get right(ish), historically speaking, in the first episode?

Mary Stuart was sent to France as a child with the intention that she would someday marry the dauphin, Francis.

Francis Valois was the oldest son of Henry II and Catherine de Medici (aka BAWS ASS BITCH). His sister Elisabeth married the king of Spain, and he had a brother named Charles.

Diane de Poitiers was Henry II's longest-serving and most-loved mistress.

Mary had four ladies-in-waiting of roughly the same age with whom she developed deep and long-lasting bonds.

Nostradamus was a thing.

What was bullshit?

Bash

Literally everything else.

Now that we have that established, let's dive right in.

The Revisit

I'm calling it a revisit, because unlike some of you perhaps, I've been here before. For the most part, I know how the story goes, and I plan to write about the beginning from the vantage point of the ending. In other words, if you don't want spoilers, this ain't the place for you.

So, here we are. The very first second of the very first scene of the very first episode. And what do we see?

Girl, I was not prepared for that. You gotta remember: 3x05 was the last episode I truly watched. The night that it aired, I cried so much that I had to sleep with a cold gel mask over my face so that the next morning people wouldn't see my severely swollen eyes and worry I was suffering from an allergic reaction.

Obviously, I remember the prophecy about Francis's death playing a major role in the first half of season 1. I just wasn't expecting The Tree of Suffering and Death to be in my face right out the gate.

Now that that's aside, let us move on. As historically inaccurate as it is, I'm not mad at the writers' decision to start out the series with Mary squirreled away in a convent, awaiting her return to court. What I am mad at, however, is this wig.

I know they blew all their budget filming on location, but yeesh. This doesn't look much better than the one I picked up at Party City the year I dressed up as Snow White.

Speaking of locations, it is amazing how much wider the world seems in this pilot episode when compared to my memories of later ones, which had begun to feel very insular by the time I stopped watching. Within the first few minutes, we've been in a forest with Nostradamus, outside a picturesque convent with Mary and a passel of nuns, and now we’re on to the glorious French court, where the interiors are lush and the rooms bustling with people.

Next up, we meet the hot half-brother duo of Francis and Bash.

When it comes to this show, from the beginning until now, there is one hill that I am prepared to die on: Toby Regbo as Francis.

Maybe Reign Francis isn't as young, short, or sickly as Real Francis. I will argue that the Powers That Be knew what they were doing, however, because from the moment he rushed up those stairs and onto the screen, I could totally buy the idea that this was a boy whose life would prove to be a flickering candle. No, Reign Francis isn't short. But he is a little too thin, a little too pretty, a little too golden. He looks exactly like the type of person who'd be carried off by a fever in a pre-antibiotics world.

As for Bash...

I was never a Mash/Mabastian shipper. I thought the love triangle was a dumpster fire. And, in the past, that bias made it impossible for me to view Bash with any objectivity whatsoever. Now that Reign is over and I know for a fact that the Mary/Francis/Bash tug-o-war fizzles to less than nothing, I feel a little more sympathy for his character and a shit ton more for Torrance Coombs, the actor who plays him.

When I last saw Bash in season 3, he was a character inhabiting a world nearly completely separate from all the others. The show had fallen into a pattern where Bash spent the bulk of his time investigating one pseudo-supernatural bullshit calamity after another, with occasional brief stops at the palace to deliver updates. It was rather jarring to rewatch the pilot and see him actually participating in palace life. I'm reminded that, In the beginning, Bash truly was a main character, and it must have been difficult for Torrance to see himself increasingly sidelined.

I mentioned this earlier, but as we watch the Valois family preparing for young Elisabeth's wedding, I am struck by how many people there are. In the initial images of Francis and Bash I posted above, you can see castle business being conducted within the rooms on either side of them. We are then introduced to Henry, Catherine, and Elisabeth, who are positively surrounded by servants and attendants.

I mention this only because, by the time season 3 rolls around, it begins to feel like there are a grand total of five people living the a palace, which itself consists of a mere three rooms and one hallway. I know, I KNOW: budget constraints. It's still amazing to me how much bigger, fuller, and more textured this pilot seems compared to the later episodes.

Next, we meet the most ridiculously named ladies-in-waiting to ever grace the screen: Kenna, Lola, Greer, and Aylee. I get that going with the historically accurate "Four Marys" would have been confusing for the audience, and that traditional names such as Anne, Margaret, Joan (Jean/Jane), and Agnes aren't very, well, exciting. But Lola? For a lady-in-waiting to a Scottish queen? For fuck's sake.

And while I'm speaking of Lola, I must say I'm a bit confused by her backstory and motivations in the pilot. The script makes it clear that the ladies are arriving from Scotland just as Mary is returning from the convent. Kenna teases Lola about the "boy from Aberdeen" whom Lola insists "will wait for" her. Greer echoes my sentiments exactly here: wait for what? Lola is in France in the service of a queen who will be married and will live in France. If she wanted to spend her life with the boy from Aberdeen, why didn't she just marry him rather than depart for France with the knowledge that she would likely never see him again?

All of these questions become moot points once Colin himself arrives. Again I ask, If they want to be together so badly, why didn't they marry before Lola left Scotland? And why is Lola, a daughter of a Scottish noble in the employ of the queen of Scotland, asking Catherine de Medici, not Mary, for permission for Colin to stay? Mary was allowed to maintain a retinue in France. Shouldn't Colin, her subject, petition her for a position and permission to court Lola? Especially when Lola freely admits that Mary has never met Colin before? I get that Catherine's meeting with Colin is essential to the episode's plot. I just find the set-up to be clunky and awkward.

Before that can happen, though, we are witness to the planetary collision of Mary's first meeting with Francis. (0:00 - 0:50 in the video below)

Francis stops. Mary stops. The music stops. The visual and auditory clues make it clear: This is a defining moment in their young lives.

This Francis, however, is not the Francis I grew to love over the course of the 48 episodes to follow. The Francis of the pilot episode is more guarded, less prone to express emotion, and more fearful of his own heart. There is even a scene here in which he treats Mary quite callously, and while I feel like Toby did a good job in relaying Francis's worries and mixed emotions, I can understand why some viewers weren't immediately sold on the Great Love Story of Mary and Francis.

I mean, they were wrong, but still. I understand.

I really enjoyed the early scenes of Mary and her ladies all together during this episode. At one point, they all receive a lecture on court etiquette by a stern looking Madame type, which sends them all into fits of giggles, and I find myself thinking that the show would have been better served if it had kept a character like that around. In fact, watching this scene with future episodes in mind, I must ask the question: Where are they adults?

No, seriously. Where are they?

As the show moves forward, there are no authority figures whatsoever at French court other than Catherine and Henry. Mary rules Scotland from hundreds of miles away with the help of absolutely no one. Aside from an uncle who appears briefly at the beginnings of episodes 3 and 4, there is not one grown person in Mary's orbit to offer her guidance or advice. She is a teenaged queen who, on the show, has spent the past six years buried in a convent, and yet she is completely left to her own devices. Where is the rest of the de Guise clan? In reality, Mary Stuart had a slew of relatives who would have been in and out of French court. Her uncles were dukes, marquises (is that the right plural?), archbishops, and cardinals. Where are they? And beyond that, where are her Scottish advisors? Mary and her four ladies-in-waiting most certainly would not have been the only Scots at court. Future episodes will showcase constant tension between Mary and Francis, pitting her choices against his, when—in actuality—there would have entire councils of people involved in every single aspect of the decision making.

I get that too many characters can become hard to juggle, and I know first-hand that Reign will have a difficult enough time maintaining storylines for the characters it does showcase. I still think that Reign missed an opportunity in giving a face (or faces, rather) to the authority at court, both French and Scottish.

So we've met our protagonists and established our setting. But who is our bad guy? Every story needs an antagonist, and this Reign pilot offers us two, of sorts. Though neither really work in the long run.

The first is Catherine de Medici. Her actions in this pilot episode are reprehensible, and yet by the end I was in tears (again) seeing her watch helplessly on from a window while the son she loves more than the waking world falls for the girl who will cause his death. Having witnessed what Mary���s behavior will become in the second season, and knowing that she will ultimately be the cause of Francis’s death, it’s kind of difficult not to believe that Catherine was right in wanting to be rid of her. Her methods are vile, manipulative, and conniving, but her driving motivation is love for her child. You can’t root for her, but you can’t exactly root against her, either.

The second is the forest, also known as the Blood Wood. Or rather, what the Blood Wood supposedly contains. This episode lays some eerie groundwork here, but, guys…I just can’t take it seriously. It's promising chills that never materialize. The nefarious “pagans,” the ridiculous Darkness reveal at the end of the season…ugh. And the idea that the royal family resides in a palace surrounded by forests no one dares go into…How does that work? There are hundreds of people at court each day. Dozens travelling to and from. The gamekeepers would be constantly in and out, checking on the pheasants, deer, and other creatures who live and are hunted within. If people were continuously walking into a royal forest and never coming out, those woods would be cleared in a matter of days, and any “pagans” skulking inside rounded up and hanged.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself. We haven’t gotten to the pagans yet. All we get in this episode is a mysterious warning from Bash about never going into the woods, and the ominous conversation between Bash and his mother at the end that reveals Mary’s freshly-returned dog, Stirling, (who we’ll finally see again in season 2) must’ve been lured inside the wood by the scent of fresh blood.

We also catch our first glimpses of Clarissa (though we don’t know she’s Clarissa yet), the castle “ghost” who slips in and out of palace rooms unnoticed and warns Mary against drinking the wine at Elisabeth’s wedding. She’s creepy looking, for sure, but doesn’t come across as a bad guy. At least, not yet. The pilot has her appear and disappear in ways that make you wonder, “Hmmm…is there something supernatural going on here?” But, just as with the pagan Blood Wood storyline, I know how disappointing the ultimate resolution here is going to be. In fact, by the end of the season, the Blood Wood Full o’ Killer Pagans just sort of ceases to be a huge deal to the series, and by the time we reach Mary and Francis’s wedding a little over halfway through, Clarissa is basically gone for (almost) good. It's a lot of build-up for storylines whose resolutions are a resounding meh.

All of this is my long-winded way of saying that the show needed a good villain, and though the pilot proves that Mary is in serious danger at court, all the threats set up here either disappear eventually or are proved ridiculously lame. I personally feel the show would have been better off investing in some long-term bad apples. A powerful rival family (like the Bourbons, only Mary doesn’t sleep with one of them), a treacherous advisor (but, unlike Narcisse, a truly evil one who doesn’t double as a sexy anti-hero), or perhaps even a devilish cardinal (hey, it worked for The Musketeers). We want Mary to triumph, but triumph over what, exactly? Other than the English, who really don't feature in the episode at all, it's all very vague.

And now for Mary herself.

Here we are introduced to a girl who is sweet-natured and romantic, though prone to self-doubt and bursts of temper. She loves her dog. She’s eager to please. She takes delight in simple things and wears her wide-open heart on her sleeve.

I barely recognize her.

By the end of season 2, Mary was my least-favorite character on the show, aside from Conde. Revisiting the pilot episode, I’m suddenly reminded of why I liked her so much in the beginning, and why I shipped her so hard with sweet golden baby Francis. As Mary, Adelaide is all starry eyes and dimples, with a quick smile that so easily melts into hurt and sadness. I don’t want to elbow this Mary in the kidney; I want to protect her from all the forces trying to destroy her sweet spirit. When a grief-stricken Lola angrily asserts that she and Mary are not friends, that Mary is instead her queen and a constant source of danger to the girls, I want to yell, “Then why are you here? You’re not a prisoner. Go home!”

(After showing her jealousy over Colin at the wedding and then basically victim-blaming Mary for her sexual assault, I wonder at the writers’ choice to have Lola be the one to sleep with Francis later in the season. Was there meant to be some long-simmering yet unspoken tension between Mary and Lola? Once again, I'm getting ahead of myself. I’ll come back to this later.)

By the time we get to the episode's Big Event (aka the wedding between Elisabeth Valois and Philip II of Spain, which is somehow occurring before the death of his wife Mary Tudor--but I digress), Mary has had interactions with both Bash and Francis, running the gamut from flirtatious to contentious. The first time I watched this ep, I hadn’t firmly staked my flag on either ship at this point.

And then came this moment.

Hook. Line. Sinker.

Yes, she smiles at Bash first. But when she smiles at Francis, it immediately transitions to yearning. They step toward each other as if pulled by magnets. His defensive wall crumbles to ashes right in front of our eyes, and, reader, I was done. The almost-kiss at the end of the episode only cemented it. Frary. Frary all the way. Fray or I will burn this series to the ground.

All of this is especially poignant in hindsight. We know now that when Francis takes a step toward Mary, he’s also taking his first step toward Death.

The feathers fall.

And the clock starts ticking.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I was surprised by how much I enjoyed revisiting this episode. No show has made me feel as much or disappointed me as much as Reign, but this episode reminded me of why I started caring about it in the first place. For starters, it looks amazing. The interiors, the exteriors, the rich fabrics and colors…it’s all so well done. The modern(ish) costumes, which were a major point of contention for some people, didn’t bother me then and don’t bother me now. And though I love history (the Tudors being my particular wheelhouse), I understand what they were going for here. They’re sort of taking the Hamilton approach (no, it's not a perfect analogy) to historical events, in which there is an unspoken understanding that the audience knows that events are being condensed and rearranged and sometimes flat-out made up for the sake of the story. If you continually get hung up on so-so wasn’t even there, that happened years later, she never loved him like that, you’re going to miss out on all the fun. Not to mention some amazing music.

The pilot episode promises romance and intrigue with a splash of supernatural horror, and it delivers. It’s frothy, silly entertainment.

But Reign won’t always be.

On to episode 2...

[hometoursandotherstuff]

The TV series Selambs was recorded at Salnecke in 1979, and was repeated as late as 2015, so some probably recognize the castle as Selambshof says  Elisabeth, who along with her husband Lars, bought it, renovated it, and now live in the 20 room home.

Lars says it was an inconspicuous and strange little ad, so it was out of sheer curiosity that they went to look.  As soon as Lars entered the stairwell from 1644, he said: Here we will live! They fell completely in love. (The lances against the wall came with it.)

They noted that the stairwell was closed on the first ledge. To shut out the cold from the unheated halls higher up in the castle, previous owners had simply blocked it. The ground floor had been "modernized" in the 1950s and 60s, among other things, the ceilings were lowered to window height, and the living room was clad in brown sauna panel!

Under the panel they discovered the remains of a green baroque roof from the 1640s, but unfortunately it could not be restored so they chose to make a 1740s roof instead. It took a whole year to knock down all the damaged plaster from the walls.

All carpentry is painted with matt linseed oil paint colored gray umbra.

The kitchen was in place when Elisabeth and Lars moved in, as were the black granite tops. The dining table and bench are antique.

We were not allowed to change the floor plan, probably b/c it’s an historic landmark, so they expanded the existing kitchen with a utility room on the other side of the corridor.

Dressing room with celadon green tile stove. These tiled stoves are said to be specific to the area.

Daughter Kristina's room is painted with matt linseed oil paint in the color unburnt umbra. Antique Gustavian stool & late 18th century bed.

All floors are 17th century original except in the kitchen. Walls and chest panels were restored and painted with linseed oil paint, burnt umbra and gray umbra.

The bathroom was decorated like this when Elisabeth and Lars bought the castle.

https://skonahem.com/inspirerande-hem/kika-in-i-salnecke-slott-20-pampiga-rum-och-mangder-av-josef-frank/

[sillydg]

Unfulfilled Hunger: Tobias X MC

Book: Open heart, somewhere in book 3

Rating: 18+ (Adult content!)

Pairing: Tobias X MC ((Elisabeth Sarah Hughes (Liz))

Title: Unfulfilled Hunger

Rating: Explicit NSFW 18 + Only

Wordcount: 6500

Summary: Thank you so much for your request, @kachrisberry, to write what happens if they get back at Tobias’s apartment, after him carrying her out of the Laser tag game. A follow-up, for “Foul Play”.

Category: Explicit Smut

A/N: First of all, I find it important to say that both Liz and Tobias feel safe to protect their own boundaries and to speak up if something is not too their likings. They're both adults and both are completely comfortable and wanting to engage in each of these activities. A/N: This one ended up a bit longer than anticipated (Pun intended). But I got my hands on Tobias.. and maaaaaybe got a little bit carried away... But no, nah, not going to apologize for that 😉. Please let me know if you guys enjoyed the ride and please sent me an ask if you want to request something for OH or The royal romance, because I loved writing this and I'll hope you enjoy reading it.

Warnings: Foul language (sexy talk and swearing), Explicit adult seksual content. IF you read this FF, you confirm that you're 18 years or older.

Tobias and MC belong to Pixelberry.

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Unfulfilled Hunger

Tobias opens his door with one hand, pulling Liz through with the other. “It’s a goddamn miracle that we got home in one piece, Hughes." He slams the door and pushes her against it, crashing his lips against her...

Murmering he continuous; “You almost fucking killed me by touching yourself like that in the car." His hands drifting over her body. "For god's sake, you already came once and I almost caused an accident by just looking at you trembling like that in the frontseat.”

Liz grins as he moves his kisses to her neck. “I had to do something, since I was not allowed to touch you. Besides, I simply HAD to touch myself at the sight of you.” She kicks off her boots.

Tobias bites her neck with a groan. “Ohhh, you dirty, dirty girl.”

Grinning she pushes him away, making him bump into the wall across from her.

“Off with the shirt, Carrick.”

“So commanding.” He gives her a cheeky smile. Such a turn-on.

“For a woman who was first complaining about me getting my shirt off… you changed your mind pretty quickly.”

“Oh save it, Carrick.” She tugs at his shirt, trying to take it off herself.

He grabs her wrists, turning her around. "Oh. I don't think so, Liz." He pins her against the wall with her hands up in the air.

“Now, I believe I was enjoying myself.” His lips find her neck again.

“For god's sake, T. Stop torturing me. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you all week after that little stunt you pulled .

Standing bare chested in front of me, but holding my hands so there was no way of touching you. Brushing your delicious lips against mine, without giving me the slightest taste of your tongue. All I could think of was touching, tasting, savoring you. For god's sake, I know you've noticed me undressing you with my eyes.”

Tobias looks up, meeting her eyes with a twinkle. “Ooooh, was that what you were doing during our daily meetings. I already wondered what you were thinking about when you stared at me like that, biting on your pen. Licking your cherry red lips.”

“Ohh, You very well knew, T. Because you were walking around 24-7 with that goddam annoyingly sexy, self-conscious smirk on that way too handsome face of yours.

God. I had to touch myself every night, when I was lying in bed. Desperate attempt, after desperate attempt to satisfy the hunger you released in me. But it never seemed enough. I'm so fucking hungry for you, Carrick. ”

He leans back to meet her gaze, his eyes filled with longing and frustration. She feels her knees getting weak at the intensity of him staring at her, glad to be pinned against the wall. “Well, it serves you right, Liz.”

He breaks the gaze and unbuttons her short with one hand, letting it slide onto the ground. His hand moves into her red lacy panties, softly stroking her lips, teasing her inner thighs. He smiles at the feeling how wet she already is for him and he lowers his mouth to her ear, whispering; “Now you know how I felt over the past few months, Liz. It started when I first saw you in that deli, with your messy bun and yoga pants.

It became worse after the fire I saw in your eyes when we met at Bloom. You were so snarky at me, Liz. I wanted to bend you over the table, pull up that way to the tight dress of yours, and give you a good spank, just to let you know who’s the boss. And believe me... It sure isn’t Ethan.

But things got really messy from the moment I saw you in that short at the baseball field." He lowers his voice to what almost sounds like a deep growl; "You know why I missed every freaking ball that day, Liz?”

She groans as he moves his hand out of her string.

“Because every time you threw the ball, your shirt would come up ever so slightly and showed this little part of your belly and the fucking lacy edge of your little pink thong.” He moves his fingertip over her sensitive skin right above her panties and she lets out a soft moan.

His hand disappears again in search of her clit, moving softly and slowly. Taking his sweet, sweet time to find the right spot.

The roughness of his stubble, the tickling of his husky voice, and now him touching her at her most sensitive spot... She feels a warmth quickly spreading through her body.

“You ruined me that day, Hughes.” He gently moves two fingers inside her, still drawing slow, sweet circles over her clit with his thumb. Her breath enhances, and he feels her contracting around his fingers.

“I’ve been touching myself ever since at the thought of dropping the bat and taking you right there on the field. Not caring who sees me, trusting into you, making you mine.

So it serves you right.”

He leans back again to take look at her. Her eyes are closed, completely at his mercy. His lips find hers in a slow, deep kiss, and he feels how close she gets to release. He murmurs to her lips. “Not yet, Hughes.”

He abruptly lets go of her wrist, letting his hand slip out her briefs. Leaving her breathing hard as her arms fall, startled at the sudden movement.

He walks away towards the living room, and right before he disappears, he gives her a million-dollar smirk over his shoulder. And after just a second she sees his shirt flying into the hallway.

Trying to compose herself from almost getting pushed over the edge, she leans against the wall. After a few deep breaths, she kicks the short off her feet, following him into the living room. So, we're still playing dirty.

She finds Tobias casually leaning against the counter, a drink in his hand. She swallows as she takes him in. Her eyes drift over his toned brawnylicous abs, moving down to his pants which are hanging dangerously low on his hips, just enough to make her thoughts go wild, but not enough to reveal anything.

She smiles cheekily, trying to hide how taken she is with the sight of him. God, his ego might explode if he only knew. “So, where Is my drink?”

He gives her his signature smirk. “Well, I thought, since I’ve taken my shirt off, I’m going to enjoy a drink while I watch you take your shirt off.. and after that, we can talk about you having a drink.” He moves towards the large breakfast counter and jumps to sit on it, clearly expecting a show.

She turns around, smiling over her shoulder. "Careful what you are wishing for, Carrick. Sure you can handle me?" She starts to move her hips slowly from side to side.

Tobias bites his lip as he looks at her perfectly shaped ass, dressed ever so little by the red lace string she is wearing. As she lets her hands drift over her rounds, he follows her hands up as they grip onto her small tank top. And with one fluid pull, it falls on the ground, right where he likes it to be.

He glances at her as she turns around, showing off her matching set, with all the curves in the right places. He is surprised to see that her bra is practically one small piece of fabric, adoring the sight of her nipples shining and peaking through the red lace.

Smirking, he moves his hand over his chest. “You cheeky Minx. You planned this, didn’t you? Or are you always wearing these matching lingerie sets..”

She sways forward, smiling seductively. Tobias's eyes are completely fixated on her breasts, slowly moving down to her swaying hips and back up, not able to determine where to look.

“I think I’m going to let you find that out for yourself. It might surprise you how diverse my lingerie is… So I suggest you undress me every day from now on…”

He swallows; “God, where have you been hiding, Hughes?”

Shrugging casualy, she cocks up an eyebrow.

“Now about that drink, T.”

He gets ready to jump off the counter, but she stops him. “Oooh no Carrick... you stay... right there, like the good boy you are.” She moves to stand between his legs. “Now, let me take care of this for you.” She tucks on his jeans, pulling them off.

“My, my, what a treat.” She moves her hand over the big bulk in his boxers and smiles. "And you dare to ask, where I've been hiding, T?"

He lets out a deep moan as she keeps caressing him. He leans backward on his hands, giving in to the feeling. She gives him a cheeky smile, puts his legs together, her hands onto the counter, and straddles him after one effortless jump."

Caught off-guard he starts to stumble, looking at the woman suddenly at his eye-level. “What the..”

“Ohh Carrick, Carrick, Carrick” She kisses him softly, teasing his lips with her tongue. Holding herself steady with her hands on his chest, slowly grinding her pussy against his hard cock through his boxers. After a few minutes of exploring, she encourages him to lie on his back. Tongues still dancing and she feels him gasp, the moment he touches the cold marble with his bare skin.

While pulling back, she keeps the friction going, and not only for his pleasure. “I might have forgotten to tell you… But I love yoga, it’s not just the comfortable pants for me. And I might have done gymnastics for a big part of my life. So if you keep up the good work, Carrick, you might get the chance to find out how flexible I really am.”

“For god’s sake,” he murmurs under his breath. She keeps rubbing herself against his hard length, not quite enough to take him over the edge, but enough to let him balance on it...

“Now, I need you to move up, Carrick. I want this whole divine body of yours onto this counter.”

He smirks; "What makes you think that you're the one in control, Hughes? Remember what happened earlier when you tried to command me? Or do I need to refresh your memorie?"

A sly smile appears on her face; "It must be nice, living in that head of yours T. Still convinced you're the one in control? Let me give you a piece of reality, mister." She removes his boxer, throwing it through the living room.

She smirks as they lock eyes, anticipation noticeable on Tobias's face. Of course, the moment he saw her at the deli was the moment where she completely gained control over him. Haunting his dreams, fantasies, and even in bed with other women she regularly popped up in his head, making stuff a lot better. But that doesn't stop him from one last desperate attempt to keep the facade up.

She encircles him with her soft hands, slowly moving up and down, while teasing his tip with a few small, fast licks.

"Nnnghh."

"What was that, Carrick?"

"Oh for fuck sake."

She moves her hand down, following the line under his tip firmly with her tongue. It makes his muscles tense, and he moves his ass slightly up as a deep grunt escapes his throat. “Ohhhhh, Yes Liz.”

Smirking she looks down at the man beneath her. "Now, If you want me to keep doing that, you better move that delicious ass of yours right now, T!"

He starts moving while muttering some swear words under his breath, while she keeps teasing him with her hands and tongue.

Her eyes twinkle and she puts on a naughty smile;“God Carrick, I’m going to have so much fun with you now we have established who is the one in charge.”

She leans in, one hand on the counter and the other one exploring his neck, down to his chest. Licking his lips, inviting his tongue to meet hers. He opens his mouth and lets her in. His hands slipping under her bra, softly teasing her nipples, drawing small moans from her mouth.

Without him noticing she grabs his drink off the counter and she gently pulls back. Their blues meet and she bites her lip. “Now, about that drink.”

His breath stops as soon as the golden liquid hits his chest. She pours it, bit by bit, between the gap in his abbs, slowly moving down to his belly button, her eyes never leaving his.

“Hughes, you’re unbelievable.”

“You better know it, T.”

She puts the glass down, moving her attention to his chest as she softly let her fingers drift through the scotch. She moves her finger to cover his full lips, kissing him softly after.

“Mmh... That’s the good stuff, Carrick.”

She moves her tongue, licking the liquid of his chest, feeling his muscles flex under her touch wherever she goes.

He looks at her, hypnotized, his breath fastening as she slowly moves further and further down. Skin getting more sensitive with every lick, bite and suck as she savors the scotch off him. Oh my god.

His muscles tense as she arrives at his belly button, and when there is no drop left, she moves her focus to his lower abdomen. She looks up, as she hears him moan, smiling at the sight of his glistering abs and the pleasure showing on his face.

He groans; “Oh God, you really are enjoying my body, don't you Hughes?”

“Every fucking part of it..”

"Good, 'cause it's yours to use from now on. Whenever you want, I'll even get you your special beeper for emergencies."

"I'll hold you onto that. Now... ready for some fun, Carrick?"

He smirks contently as she moves her head further down and starts teasing the top of his hardness again.

But then he realizes that it probably would take nothing more than a few sucks to release, given how worked up he already is.

And nothing was further from the truth. Without warning, she stopped teasing, taking his full length in her mouth. After a few seconds of settlement, she starts deep throating him, and before he gets the chance to protest it turns black before his eyes, pushing his head back and he releases in her mouth.

She teases him with a few more sucks, making sure that every drop of him gets savored while enjoying the feeling of his body trembling under her mouth. For a minute he lies on the counter, breathing hard. "For fuck sake, Hughes."

She shrugs with a sly smile "Oops, got a little bit carried away there."

He slowly starts to get regain his senses and he looks up to a smirking Liz, sticking out cheekily the tip of her tongue.

“But, damn, that tasted even better than the scotch T.”

He hides his face behind his hands to hide a satisfied smile at her bold words.

After just a few more deep breaths, he manages to collect himself and jumps off the counter. “Glad that you enjoyed that, Liz, but now it’s my turn.” He scoops her up from the counter and throws her over his shoulder without any effort. Oh, I’m taking back control now.

After a few satisfying smacks on her butt, he sits down on the bed, letting her slide down on his lap. His lips find hers and he starts to unhook her bra, throwing it into a corner. He takes one of her nipples in his mouth while teasing the other with his hand. Her head falls back as she starts to grind once again in his lap. “Oh, God Tobias I already feel you grow again.” She reaches out to stroke him, but to avoid losing control once again he stands up, grabbing her at her thighs, and he throws her onto the soft bed.

“No more touching me, until I’m done with you, Liz. That means AFTER two orgasms, I’m going to fuck your brains out. But now. You’re completely at my Mercy." She nods, biting her lip. "Good girl. Now, grab the headboard, and don’t let go.”

Her eyes start to glister at the commanding tone in his voice and she completely surrenders. Obediently she grabs the headboard.

“And Liz... Don’t make a sound, until I tell you to.”

She swallows and a hot shiver runs through her body, by hearing those words, setting her body on fire. Such a turn-on.

He rips her panties off in one tuck, drawing her in for a deep kiss, while teasing her entrance with his erection. He starts to rubs his dick against her clit. Taken by the urge to feel him closer she starts to shift her hips up, urging him to enter her. Without thinking she sighs between kisses. “God Carrick, I... I need you inside me. I need to feel you deep inside me.”

He immediately stops. “What was that? I believe I heard some sounds coming out of that delicious mouth of yours. Yeah, you want me inside you?”

Realizing that she spoke, her eyes snap open, sucking in a breath while waiting for Tobias to react.

“Three orgasms, it is now.” And without further notice, his lips crash against hers again. His hands firmly exploring her body before they find the place where he started tonight.

He wastes no time, knowing how worked up she was before. His thumb finds her clit, and he sees her biting her arm as he enters her with three fingers, suppressing a moan. God, that’s sexy. He catches the encouragement and starts to moves his fingers faster and faster while sucking on her swollen nipple, caressing her other boob with a firm squeeze.

She trembles, more and more under his touch, finding it harder and harder to keep her moans in. God, she wants to scream his name so badly.

Then he softly bites her nipple and a flick of pain runs through her body, turning quickly into pleasure as she tumbles over the edge, biting even harder in her shoulder, only intensifying her orgasm.

He smirks at her, impressed, but also totally captivated by the look on her face as she comes, shutters and shakes, by his doing. Yeah, I’m never going to get enough of this.

He gives her a few seconds to catch her breath and damn she breaths hard, releasing her arm from her teeth, leaving bite marks.

He gently moves up to guide both of her arms down, which are still clenching to the headboard. He kisses her softly as she opens her eyes to meet his. “You okay?”

She smiles softly and nods. “Good. Ready for me to taste you?” She mouths “Ohh God Yes” without making a sound.

They keep staring into each other’s eyes as the mood shifts 180 degrees. Tobias frowns at her as she takes his face in her hands, knowing very well how much she actually adored this man.

His eyes turn soft and he smiles at her. "You're amazing, you know that, Liz?"

"Show me."

Tobias moves in for a tender and long kiss, cupping her cheeks in his hands. Liz feels her heartbeat rising, now by the soft touch of this man. He covers her body with hers completely as they start to lose themselves in each other. Her hands drift over the back of his head, enjoying the tickling of his soft short hairs, before letting her fingertips drift over his bareback. He slowly undoes her hair and drapes it over the mattress. Their hands meet and fingers entwining. The pillows and sheets are long found on the ground. He drops soft kisses on her neck, murmuring "God, youre beautiful."

He gently lets go of her hands and starts moving, teasing his stubble against her sensitive skin on his way down, breathing in her warm scent on the way. He looks at her glistening clit and gives it a few quick licks.

She directly moves her hips a bit up and he realizes how sensitive she is.

“I can’t wait for you to scream my name, Hughes.” She smiles at the permission to make sounds again.

“Then make me, Carrick.”

He moves his hands up to her hips, pulling her softly towards the edge of the bed as he gets on his knees, laying her legs over his shoulder. He starts licking her softly and slowly, savoring her smell and fluids.

“I need more, T.” She softly grabs his head urging him to come closer. He smiles cheekily and pushes his head back up; “I’m sorry? I believe I missed two magic words?”

“More, PLEASE Carrick, give me more.”

"That's what I'm talking about."

He starts licking and kissing again, but still moving his tong teasingly slow and soft while looking cheekily up to her.

She looks down to meets his eye, and he gives her the sexiest smirk she has ever laid eyes on. “For god's sake Carrick, if you’re going to smirk like that every time you taste me..” He suddenly moves up the pace of his tongue, forcing her to stop talking midsentence. "Nnnngh."

“Yes? Then?” He smiles against her clit, back to teasing her.

“Now you're the one who is unbelievable, T."

"Don't tell me things I'm already aware of. Now, finish that sentence, Hughes."

She sighs, longing for more tongue. "We are going to need a private conversation like this at least two times a day.”

He keeps his smirking up; “Then that's settled” He pushes his head down and lets his tong flick expertly, fast, and firm, letting his fingers assist by moving in and out of her.

“Nnnnhhhhgggg… T..” Her hands grab the sheets and he lets his finger slip out of her, to pull her even closer, steadying her hips. He picks up pase, encouraged by the deep moans. She trembles more and more, urging to move her hips, but his stern grip keeps her in place. You’re not getting away, Hughes.

She starts to move her hands, looking for something to grab as the sheets are not enough to hold onto. Her hands find his head again.

“Fuuuuuuck Carrrrrriccck.”

Yes, that’s it.

She pulls up her knees, body shocking and sweating, and he feels how she comes with his mouth still on her. Seeing her tremble like that...

God, I can’t wait any longer.

“You taste so good, you know that Hughes. Here. Taste.” He kisses her slowly, his hands encircling the back of her neck to draw her even more in, his dick rubbing against her still sensitive pussy, causing her to keep shuttering her body from time to time.

“Are you ready? You've been such a good girl, so I will fuck you towards you’re third orgasm, Liz, don’t you worry.”

Still with her eyes closed, she nods and lets out a satisfied sigh, letting him lead her up on the bed again.

As he completely covers her body with his again he places his dick before her entrance. Theirs eyes meet, both filled with longing to finally get close. She softly moves her hands behind his neck, teasing him with her nails. Maintaining eye contact he slowly starts to move inside her, until his eyes roll back at the feeling of how tight she is.

Her breath enhances, and she smiles, enjoying the visible pleasure on his face. He keeps slowly moving against her until he fills her completely.

Her eyelids start to flicker as he slowly starts thrusting into her.

“God, you’re big, Carrick.” She matches the movement of her hips to his rhythm, moving her legs around his waist to encourage him to go deeper. His lips find hers as he picks up the pace until he is not able to hold his upper body up, with the pleasures running through his body.

He lets out a deep, almost animalistic moan; "So tight Liz, you're so tight."

Leaving her lips and he hides his face in her neck, sucking at her sensitive flesh, leaving his mark.

Her nails slide from his shoulders to his back and smiles against his ear. “Fuck, this is so much better than in the dreams I had about you... T, you fill me up perfectly.”

She feels how he starts to lose control, picking up his pace, more firm with his thrusts as she speaks.

His voice sounds low and gruff. “Ahhh... You've dreamt about me, Hughes? So what did I do to you in these dreams?”

With him putting more power in his thrusts, she feels how he is hitting the right spot over and over again and she moans. “O god yes, Tobias… You... you fucked me in the middle of the diagnostics room on the round table, the next day in the supplies closet, NHHHGGG, on fucking Ethan’s desk, when the rest was out for lunch.”

“Ohhhhh Yes Hughes.” He moves his hands between them, as he keeps thrusting harder and harder, faster and faster while massaging her clit.

Liz is unable to talk as she feels how her body is taken over by the pleasure, quickly rising from her toes to her head, closing her eyes and she certainly was not able to think straight anymore... “Youuu... You… yyy… test nnnnhg lab”

“What are you saying, Hughes?” He smirks, leaning on one arm looking at the woman crumbling to pieces under him. He tries to stall his orgasm, but it gets harder and harder at the sight of her losing her mind, combined with the sexy talk rolling over her swollen lips.

He takes her breasts in his mouth, murmuring “Come on baby, let go once more. Show me that beautiful look on your face.”

His words were enough to push her over the edge, he notices, leaving her breast and again hiding his head in the crook of her neck. Biting, sucking as she encourages his thrusting, drawing blood with her nails on his back.

“Fuuuuuuck yeah, Carrick.”

He feels her pussy contracting around him and lets out a deep groan. He wants to savor the feeling, but the damn release was so close, it was unfightable.

“I need you to fill me up, T. Please... I need you to come.”

He keeps thrusting, barely managing to hold it together as she keeps stumbling each time he slams into her. "Nhhhhhhgggg, Liz, God Liz."

She grabs his head out of her neck, to make him look up, straight in her sparkly, wanting eyes and he keeps thrusting into her, while barely able to hold his own body up while leaning on his hands.

“Fulfill the hunger, Carrick… still my appetite. ”

Holy fuck.

That was it, he feels how he is not able to fight it anymore and he releases, A deep groan escapes, filling her up, like as she wanted it.

His eyes rolling backward “Gnnnnnggg Hughes, for fuck sake…” He sinks through his arms and after a few more thrusts he holds still, both breathing hard, clenching onto each other. After a few minutes, he gives her a bunch of soft kisses on her forehead, before rolling to the side.

“You’re something else, Liz.” He gently grabs her arm, to place soft kisses on the bite mark.

She smiles, still out of breath. “You know, I expected more oooh Lara and ooooh Miss Croft.”

He snorts and she looks at him in surprise.

“You know what Hughes…” He moves his fingertips over her bare body, encircling her nipples before ending at her lips. He smiles softly and just stares at her in awe.

“Seriously, you’re not going to finish that sentence?”

“I’m sorry I got distracted. You know what it is... I lied to you that night we were drunk. You were my fantasy, but I couldn't just say that right. You are my colleague and I've never had the idea I could be something more until I saw the look on your face when you looked at me last week with my shirt off."

She sighs; "Well, It's already hard to hide it with your shirt on Carrick, but it appears to be a real-life mission impossible when you're standing bare-chested in front of me. It does weird things to my brains and body you know."

"Soooo, me suggesting to Ethan that the new work outfits should be shirtless is not an option?"

She giggles; "Oh no, you do that, please. As long as I get to watch when you ask him. Imagine the look on his face."

Tobias bites his lip at the thought; "True, though, I cannot imagine him saying no to a shirtless you...Miss Croft." He winks and pulls her close to his chest, softly caressing her arm.

"O God, I made a total fool out of myself didn't I?"

"Not at all. Never apologize for looking that delicious. Besides, she was my fantasy until you knocked her off her throne, Hughes."

"Oof, so I've drawn some bad blood there, or what?"

"Nah, actually you might have teamed up a few times.”

She laughs; "Well I'm always open for suggestions Carrick, so if you bump into her...never hurts to ask."

His eyes start to glister at her words. "I never dreamt of you being this naughty, Hughes."

"Is that right, Carrick? So, how did I actually do compared to fantasy Liz?"

He smirks “You’ve proven from our first kiss that reality can beat fantasy by a long shot.” He turns to his side to give her a sweet kiss on the lips.

"I don't think I dared to dream that kissing you would feel this good Liz."

Her eyes start to flutter a bit, relaxing at his words. "So I guess there will be a next time, ha?"

"For me, absolutely. I can't wait to get caught with you day after day, making out in the supply closets until they just give us our own, with our names on it, to have a little fun in."

She smiles softly, barely able to keep her eyes open, murmuring; "I would love that, Tobias"

He removes his arm gently from under her neck to get up. He grabs the blankets, covering her and he lifts her head gently to lay it onto a pillow.

"Mmh, thank you T."

He smiles and plants a kiss on her forehead as she gets comfortable, shifting around, moving on her side.

He returns to bed, drawing her in to spoon.

“So about that whole yoga and gymnastics. Care to show me tomorrow in the shower?”

She smiles gently with her eyes closed. “Absolutely. And after that, you might want to show me around in your apartment... I might have missed everything except for 'naked you' and the breakfast counter.”

He laughs and looks at her in all his tenderness. He closes his eyes and moves hides his nose in her hair, breathing in her warm scent, focussing on the sound of her breathing.

Murmuring on the brink of falling asleep. “Deal, Miss Hughes. Besides you can have anything you want from me, anywhere. Because it's very clear that I was never the one in control, and hell, I love it."

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@choicesficwriterscreations

[exciting]

As requested, books / series I read in 2020 in the order I read them, with a few brief thoughts. (This took me a hot second because there are a few and also I moved cities) Should I keep a consistent goodreads? Yes I should but I didn’t think of that at the time, so bone apple teeth & sorry if I offend you abt your faves x

P.S. I can’t figure out how to do a read more on mobile so long post ahead!

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J Maas - This is one of the most vivid published fantasy books I have ever read... I read it twice in rapid succession. The fandom POPS off. I must say I have issues with certain aspects e.g. fae lore completely ignored à la Twilight, all love interests 500+ years old and technically a different species, etc (I’m not going to deconstruct the entire series here but just know that I could... Nesta deserves better)

Cruel Prince by Holly Black - This fucking slaps, HB clearly has done her research, the lore is near immaculate, and it explores the Fae in such a unique way, tying it to the modern world subtly and seamlessly. My only qualm was that the books felt quite short; truly wish there had been more content.

Throne of Glass by Sarah J Maas (6/7) - So basically I read this in one single, hyperfixated fit which meant I literally locked myself in my room for three days straight and read all six books back to back in a row from morning to the wee hours. Which is not to say it was spectacular; although it was a VERY rich world, sometimes it was too much... this felt like 6 stories in one. Ik she was young when she wrote this but it is my humble opinion that SJM needs a better editor & I personally think Rowan is a grade A asshole / straight up abusive (& personally think the ACOTAR Tamlin plot was born from that?). It’s good but not as good as ACOTAR. Skip-read the last book. 

Grishaverse (Shadow and Bone) by Leigh Bardugo (3) - This is essential to read before SOC but was very much simply a YA fantasy book, although the world was cool and the way the love plot played out was, imo, a subtle middle finger to the fantasy trope. Felt very much aimed at younger readers though? Really liked the sandwhich structure of the Proluge and Epilogue, especially in #2

Six of Crows series by Leigh Bardugo (2) - INCREDIBLE continuation of Grishaverse, better than the original series by a mile. It has the range, the diversity, the representation (the male lead is a disabled asexual and still the most cunning of the entire cast of characters), the plot is phenomenal, and it manages such a well rounded plot in only two books which means nothing is stretched out or squeezed in more than need be. Deserves all the praise it gets.

King of Scars series by Leigh Bardugo (0.5/1) - Personally I don’t consider this book canon, and while it’s nice to see the rest of Nina’s journey & the world again & everyone else, I don't like it. I will, however, be reading book 2 when it comes out, so shame on me, I suppose.

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo (1/1) - this was incredibly cool although it went off in a completely different direction than I thought it would based off the first few chapters? One of my favourite YA-author-debuts-New-Adult novels in 2020 though!

Crescent City by Sarah J Maas (1/1) - This was supposed to be SJM/s New Adult debut, although personally I would put her other series in New Adult, and I can’t say a remarkable amount was different with this except they said “fuck” and “ass” a lot. WHY is the romantic interest 500 years old AGAIN. I just... don’t... I just don’t think it was necessary... the world was cool though, and the last half of the book was riveting, but the beginning was quite slow and I thought the sword thing was predictable. I am interested to see where this goes though.

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab (3) - This world is so fucking cool... four Londons aka parallel universes & the one in ‘our’ world is set in industrial era London. Magic, girls dressing up as boys, thieves, pirates, royalty... it all just slaps. Schwab is an incredible writer & I was completely immersed.

Midnight Sun by SMeyer - I didn’t think anything could possibly detract even further from the Twilight story but I was sorely mistaken... seeing the stalking from Edward’s POV - and it was worse than depicted in Twilight, for the record - completely obliterated any sort of romance the first half of the original book may have portrayed. I still hold the opinion that the entire series would have been better if some kind of vampire lore had been abided by, if only to see all of the villains thwarted by someone dropping a bag of rice on the ground, forcing them to have to count them all.

An ember in the Ash by Sabaa Tahir  (3/4) - This was just a very stereotypical ya fantasy series, emphasis on the YOUNG... it wasn’t anything to write home about but I remember quite enjoying it at the time. 

The Power by Naomi Alderman - This book is FUCKING incredible and EXCEPTIONALLY thought provoking... essentially women alone develop a power of electric shock etc. and then take over the world from men, and it explores feminism and the balance between equality & tipping the scales in the other direction. Written by a friend of M.Atwood in a similar tone to handmaids tale, I would say? Content warning; there are some exceptionally graphic scenes in the latter half of the novel. 

Hamlet by Wllm Shksp - I can’t believe it took me this long to finally read it but Ophelia is my favourite name in the entire world & we love to see a woman go batshit (although she didn’t deserve that). 

Catherine House by Elisabeth Thomas - this was unsettling in the best sense of the word... it was a little slow & honestly more of a concept than a big reveal, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it after I finished it? A Secret History vibes but make it blurry like the memory of all those dystopian novels you read when you were young?

The Invisible Life of Addie La Rue by V.E. Schwab - This is without a doubt my book of the year, and probably the best book I read in 2020? I stayed up all night on a friend’s couch reading it, got a book hangover and reread the ending, and then thrust it upon my mother who doesn’t usually read but read this, and loved it just as much. HIGHLY recommend and you HAVE to read it, it’s beautiful and endearing and just plain wonderful.

Captive Prince by C.S. Pacat (3/3) - I went into this knowing it was going to be terrible, because I had received a blow by blow telling me as much; although I must say that it did learn a remarkable amount of new words, the books did get better as the series went on, and it did have a rather charming ending? BIG content warning for almost everything.

Sapiens by Yuval Harari - mind-expanding & must recommend for everyone, there is everything in this and I daresay everyone should posses this kind of knowledge? I listened to it as an audiobook (which I recommend because it’s rather hearty) but will be buying this in hardcopy & rereading it with annotations. 

Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller - Without a doubt, one of the most beautiful novels I have ever read, and certainly the most beautiful portrayal of the story of Achilles and the battle of Troy I have ever seen. Patroclus deserved the justice that was given to him in this book; indeed, all of the characters were written with justice and grace. Highly recommend.

Trials of Apollo by Rick Riordan (3/5) - Apollo is my favourite Greek God, and the sexiest greek god, and Rick Riordan’s writing slaps, as always. It did pain me to see Apollo, the sexy immortal, have to be forced back into a 16 year old’s body but everything else? Whimsical & wonderful, as expected. 

These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong - a retelling of Romeo and Juliette, except it’s set in Shanghai in the 1920′s, and the protagonists already have a history. Very well done, characters are incredibly diverse in race, sexual orientation, gender, and ability / disability (and honestly, representation has never appeared so effortless and elegant). Also it includes a monster and possible magic. Incredibly underrated and highly recommend.

The Once and Future Witches by Alix. E Harrow - this was such a unique concept, and truly captivating, the story was charming, and felt like the kind of beautiful fairytale you would read as children but with more grit? ABSOLUTELY recommend this one

The Pisces by Melissa Broder - I hated this so much, not my vibe at all. Mermaid smut x therapy but make it cynical and judgemental (I know there was a moral in there but that’s not my point) also the dog dies.

Library of the Unwritten by A.J. Hackwith (1/2) - really interesting & unique concept (all unwritten novels / ideas reside in a special library that is part of Hell and then sometimes the books can come to life) however, my first thought upon reading this was “this reads as if it’s stemmed from one of those writing prompt tumblr posts” bc of the tone and whatever and as it turns out I was somewhat correct, it did stem from a short story (not bad just obvious). It did kind of settle down as it went on but I found reading it kind of a drag, and I don’t think I will read the second one.

Abandon by Meg Cabot - 1. Meg Cabot’s writing always fucking slaps 2. Hades and Persephone but make it modern & very 2000′s & somehow kind of unique 3. I literally loved this, sue me

Medusa Girls (Sweet Venom) by Tera Childs - Like Percy Jackson except they are descendants of Medusa so they are Gorgons and have fangs & venom (hence the title). Gave me very 2000′s vibes? Quite cool but tbh I found the books quite short (like two hours each, if that)? Do NOT read the GoodReads description of the book before you read it, you will spoil it for yourself.

Bring me their Hearts by Sara Wolf - In my opinion, this is one of the most underrated YA series I read in 2020. The heroine is endearing, self aware, witty, and loves to look pretty even while kicking ass which in my opinion is an incredibly underrated trait. Also, immortality without being hundreds of years old? VERY sexy. HIGHLY recommend. 

A Deal with the Elf King by Elise Kova - High commendation to be given for the fact that it is a standalone and yet manages to fit in the plot of what would usually be a full fantasy trilogy without cutting corners or being a million miles long? Also sweet storyline & beautiful ending? If you liked ACOTAR you should read this as a “what would have / could have been had SJM had a different editor” (No shade I promise).

The Iron Fae by Julie Kagawa (4/4 + novellas) - Incredibly detailed faerie set around the modern world & our current use of technology & iron in it. Very neat adventure-style series, by the time I read the last novella I was well and truly done with the world (aka provided enough content to be fulfilling). Was definitely aimed at a younger audience though, NO smut / smut was brushed over.

The Modern Faerie Tales by Holly Black (3/3 SS) - This is technically the prequel to Cruel prince, set in the modern world, but with the fae world inside it as it traditional? All I have to say is that it is excellent & I highly recommend it.

Bridgerton series (The Duke and I) by Julia Quinn (9/9) - I read this after watching the Netflix show twice through and I am obsessed, although the books were not quite as elegant as the show, and some parts that made me cringe either by their portrayal (it is very firmly set in the 19th century and thus some things are not handled with tact or grace), the characters were exceptionally loveable and I am so excited to see where the show takes them! Lovely language & an abundance of words I had never seen before (always a plus). 

[timeless-hollywood-classics]

Hedy Lamarr, born Hedwig Eva Maria Kiesler (November or September 9, 1914 – January 19, 2000), was an Austrian-American actress, inventor, and film producer. She appeared in 30 films over a 28 year career, and co-invented an early version of frequency-hopping spread spectrum communication.

Lamarr was born in Vienna, Austria-Hungary, and acted in a number of Austrian, German, and Czech films in her brief early film career, including the controversial Ecstasy (1933). In 1937, she fled from her husband, a wealthy Austrian ammunition manufacturer, secretly moving to Paris and then on to London. There she met Louis B. Mayer, head of Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM) studio, who offered her a Hollywood movie contract, where he began promoting her as "the world's most beautiful woman".

She became a star through her performance in Algiers (1938), her first United States film.[5] She starred opposite Clark Gable in Boom Town and Comrade X (both 1940), and James Stewart in Come Live with Me and Ziegfeld Girl (both 1941). Her other MGM films include Lady of the Tropics (1939), H.M. Pulham, Esq. (1941), as well as Crossroads and White Cargo (both 1942); she was also borrowed by Warner Bros. for The Conspirators, and by RKO for Experiment Perilous (both 1944). Dismayed by being typecast, Lamarr co-founded a new production studio and starred in its films: The Strange Woman (1946), and Dishonored Lady (1947). Her greatest success was as Delilah in Cecil B. DeMille's Samson and Delilah (1949). She also acted on television before the release of her final film, The Female Animal (1958). She was honored with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 1960.

At the beginning of World War II, Lamarr and composer George Antheil developed a radio guidance system using frequency-hopping spread spectrum technology for Allied torpedoes, intended to defeat the threat of jamming by the Axis powers. She also helped improve aircraft aerodynamics for Howard Hughes while they dated during the war. Although the US Navy did not adopt Lamarr and Antheil's invention until 1957, various spread-spectrum techniques are incorporated into Bluetooth technology and are similar to methods used in legacy versions of Wi-Fi. Recognition of the value of their work resulted in the pair being posthumously inducted into the National Inventors Hall of Fame in 2014.

Lamarr was born Hedwig Eva Maria Kiesler in 1914 in Vienna, Austria-Hungary, the only child of Emil Kiesler (1880–1935) and Gertrud "Trude" Kiesler (née Lichtwitz; 1894–1977). Her father was born to a Galician-Jewish family in Lemberg (now Lviv, Ukraine), and was a successful bank manager. Her mother was a pianist, born in Budapest to an upper-class Hungarian-Jewish family. She converted to Catholicism as an adult, at the insistence of her first husband, and raised her daughter Hedy as a Catholic as well, though she was not formally baptized at the time.

As a child, Kiesler showed an interest in acting and was fascinated by theatre and film. At the age of 12, she won a beauty contest in Vienna. She also began to associate invention with her father, who would take her out on walks, explaining how various technologies in society functioned.

After the Anschluss, she helped get her mother out of Austria and to the United States, where Gertrud Kiesler later became an American citizen. She put "Hebrew" as her race on her petition for naturalization, a term that had been frequently used in Europe.

Still using her maiden name of Hedy Kiesler, she took acting classes in Vienna. One day, she forged a permission note from her mother and went to Sascha-Film, where she was hired at the age of 16 as a script girl. She gained a role as an extra in Money on the Street (1930), and then a small speaking part in Storm in a Water Glass (1931). Producer Max Reinhardt cast her in a play entitled The Weaker Sex, which was performed at the Theater in der Josefstadt. Reinhardt was so impressed with her that he arranged for her to return with him to Berlin, where he was based.

Kiesler never trained with Reinhardt nor appeared in any of his Berlin productions. After meeting Russian theatre producer Alexis Granowsky, she was cast in his film directorial debut, The Trunks of Mr. O.F. (1931), starring Walter Abel and Peter Lorre. Granowsky soon moved to Paris, but Kiesler stayed in Berlin to work. She was given the lead role in No Money Needed (1932), a comedy directed by Carl Boese. Her next film brought her international fame.

In early 1933, at age 18, Hedy Kiesler, still working under her maiden name, was given the lead in Gustav Machatý's film Ecstasy (Ekstase in German, Extase in Czech). She played the neglected young wife of an indifferent older man.

The film became both celebrated and notorious for showing the actress's face in the throes of an orgasm. According to Marie Benedict's book The Only Woman In The Room, Kiesler's expression resulted from someone sticking her with a pin. She was also shown in closeups and brief nude scenes, the latter reportedly a result of the actress being "duped" by the director and producer, who used high-power telephoto lenses.

Although Kiesler was dismayed and now disillusioned about taking other roles, Ecstasy gained world recognition after winning an award in Rome. Throughout Europe, the film was regarded as an artistic work. However, in the United States, it was banned, considered overly sexual, and made the target of negative publicity, especially among women's groups. It was also banned in Germany due to Kiesler's Jewish heritage. Her husband, Fritz Mandl, reportedly spent over $300,000 buying up and destroying copies of the film.

Kiesler also played a number of stage roles, including a starring one in Sissy, a play about Empress Elisabeth of Austria produced in Vienna in early 1933, just as Ecstasy premiered. It won accolades from critics.

Admirers sent roses to her dressing room and tried to get backstage to meet Kiesler. She sent most of them away, including an insistent Friedrich Mandl. He became obsessed with getting to know her. Mandl was a Viennese arms merchant and munitions manufacturer who was reputedly the third-richest man in Austria. She fell for his charming and fascinating personality, partly due to his immense wealth. Her parents, both of Jewish descent, did not approve, as Mandl had ties to Italian fascist leader Benito Mussolini, and later, German Führer Adolf Hitler, but they could not stop their headstrong daughter.

On August 10, 1933, at the age of 18, Kiesler married Mandl, then 33. The son of a Jewish father and a Catholic mother, Mandl insisted that she convert to Catholicism before their wedding in Vienna Karlskirche. In her autobiography Ecstasy and Me, Mandl is described as an extremely controlling husband. He strongly objected to her having been filmed in the simulated orgasm scene in Ecstasy and prevented her from pursuing her acting career. She claimed she was kept a virtual prisoner in their castle home, Castle Schwarzenau in the remote Waldviertel near the Czech border.

Mandl had close social and business ties to the Italian government, selling munitions to the country, and, despite his own part-Jewish descent, had ties to the Nazi regime of Germany. Kiesler accompanied Mandl to business meetings, where he conferred with scientists and other professionals involved in military technology. These conferences were her introduction to the field of applied science and she became interested in nurturing her latent talent in science.

Finding her marriage to Mandl eventually unbearable, Kiesler decided to flee her husband as well as her country. According to her autobiography, she disguised herself as her maid and fled to Paris. Friedrich Otto's account says that she persuaded Mandl to let her wear all of her jewelry for a dinner party where the influential austrofascist Ernst Stahremberg attended, then disappeared afterward. She writes about her marriage:

I knew very soon that I could never be an actress while I was his wife. ... He was the absolute monarch in his marriage. ... I was like a doll. I was like a thing, some object of art which had to be guarded—and imprisoned—having no mind, no life of its own.

After arriving in London in 1937, she met Louis B. Mayer, head of MGM, who was scouting for talent in Europe. She initially turned down the offer he made her (of $125 a week), but booked herself onto the same New York-bound liner as he. During the trip, she impressed him enough to secure a $500 a week contract. Mayer persuaded her to change her name from Hedwig Kiesler (to distance herself from "the Ecstasy lady" reputation associated with it). She chose the surname "Lamarr" in homage to the beautiful silent film star, Barbara La Marr, on the suggestion of Mayer's wife, Margaret Shenberg.

When Mayer brought Lamarr to Hollywood in 1938, he began promoting her as the "world's most beautiful woman". He introduced her to producer Walter Wanger, who was making Algiers (1938), an American version of the noted French film, Pépé le Moko (1937).

Lamarr was cast in the lead opposite Charles Boyer. The film created a "national sensation", says Shearer. Lamarr was billed as an unknown but well-publicized Austrian actress, which created anticipation in audiences. Mayer hoped she would become another Greta Garbo or Marlene Dietrich. According to one viewer, when her face first appeared on the screen, "everyone gasped ... Lamarr's beauty literally took one's breath away."

In future Hollywood films, Lamarr was often typecast as the archetypal glamorous seductress of exotic origin. Her second American film was I Take This Woman (1940), co-starring with Spencer Tracy under the direction of regular Dietrich collaborator, Josef von Sternberg. Von Sternberg was fired during the shoot, and replaced by Frank Borzage. The film was put on hold, and Lamarr was put into Lady of the Tropics (1939), where she played a mixed-race seductress in Saigon opposite Robert Taylor. She returned to I Take This Woman, re-shot by W. S. Van Dyke. The resulting film was a flop.

Far more popular was Boom Town (1940) with Clark Gable, Claudette Colbert and Spencer Tracy; it made $5 million MGM promptly reteamed Lamarr and Gable in Comrade X (1940), a comedy film in the vein of Ninotchka (1939), which was another hit.

She was teamed with James Stewart in Come Live with Me (1941), playing a Viennese refugee. Stewart was also featured in Ziegfeld Girl (1941), in which Lamarr, Judy Garland, and Lana Turner played aspiring showgirls; it was a big success.

Lamarr was top-billed in H. M. Pulham, Esq. (1941), although the film's protagonist was the title role played by Robert Young. She made a third film with Tracy, Tortilla Flat (1942). It was successful at the box office, as was Crossroads (1942) with William Powell.

She played the seductive native girl Tondelayo in White Cargo (1942), top-billed over Walter Pidgeon. It was a huge hit. White Cargo contains arguably her most memorable film quote, delivered with provocative invitation: "I am Tondelayo. I make tiffin for you?" This line typifies many of Lamarr's roles, which emphasized her beauty and sensuality while giving her relatively few lines. The lack of acting challenges bored Lamarr, and she reportedly took up inventing to relieve her boredom. In a 1970 interview, Lamarr also remarked that she was paid less because she would not sleep with Mayer.

Lamarr was reunited with Powell in a comedy, The Heavenly Body (1944). She was then borrowed by Warner Bros. for The Conspirators (1944), reuniting several of the actors of Casablanca (1942), which had been inspired in part by Algiers and written with Lamarr in mind as its female lead, though MGM would not lend her out. RKO later borrowed her for a melodrama, Experiment Perilous (1944), directed by Jacques Tourneur.

Back at MGM, Lamarr was teamed with Robert Walker in the romantic comedy Her Highness and the Bellboy (1945), playing a princess who falls in love with a New Yorker. It was very popular, but would be the last film she made under her MGM contract.

Her off-screen life and personality during those years was quite different from her screen image. She spent much of her time feeling lonely and homesick. She might swim at her agent's pool, but shunned the beaches and staring crowds. When asked for an autograph, she wondered why anyone would want it. Writer Howard Sharpe interviewed her and gave his impression:

Hedy has the most incredible personal sophistication. She knows the peculiarly European art of being womanly; she knows what men want in a beautiful woman, what attracts them, and she forces herself to be these things. She has magnetism with warmth, something that neither Dietrich nor Garbo has managed to achieve.

Author Richard Rhodes describes her assimilation into American culture:

Of all the European émigrés who escaped Nazi Germany and Nazi Austria, she was one of the very few who succeeded in moving to another culture and becoming a full-fledged star herself. There were so very few who could make the transition linguistically or culturally. She really was a resourceful human being–I think because of her father's strong influence on her as a child.

Lamarr also had a penchant for speaking about herself in the third person.

Lamarr wanted to join the National Inventors Council, but was reportedly told by NIC member Charles F. Kettering and others that she could better help the war effort by using her celebrity status to sell war bonds.

She participated in a war bond-selling campaign with a sailor named Eddie Rhodes. Rhodes was in the crowd at each Lamarr appearance, and she would call him up on stage. She would briefly flirt with him before asking the audience if she should give him a kiss. The crowd would say yes, to which Hedy would reply that she would if enough people bought war bonds. After enough bonds were purchased, she would kiss Rhodes and he would head back into the audience. Then they would head off to the next war bond rally. In total, Lamarr sold approximately $25 million (over $350 million when adjusted for inflation in 2020) worth of war bonds during a period of 10 days.

After leaving MGM in 1945, Lamarr formed production company Mars Film Corporation with Jack Chertok and Hunt Stromberg, producing two film noir motion pictures which she also starred in: The Strange Woman (1946) as a manipulative seductress leading a son to murder his father, and Dishonored Lady (1947) as a formerly suicidal fashion designer[verification needed] trying to start a new life but gets accused of murder. Her initiative was unwelcomed by the Hollywood establishment, as they were against actors (especially female actors) producing their films independently. Both films grossed over their budgets, but were not large commercial successes.

In 1948, she tried a comedy with Robert Cummings, called Let's Live a Little.

Lamarr enjoyed her greatest success playing Delilah opposite Victor Mature as the biblical strongman in Cecil B. DeMille's Samson and Delilah (1949). A massive critical and commercial success, the film became the highest-grossing picture of 1950 and won two Academy Awards (Best Art Direction and Best Costume Design) of its five nominations. She won critical acclaim for her portrayal of Delilah. Showmen's Trade Review previewed the film before its release and commended Lamarr's performance: "Miss Lamarr is just about everyone's conception of the fair-skinned, dark-haired, beauteous Delilah, a role tailor-made for her, and her best acting chore to date."[48] Photoplay wrote, "As Delilah, Hedy Lamarr is treacherous and tantalizing, her charms enhanced by Technicolor."[49]

Lamarr returned to MGM for a film noir with John Hodiak, A Lady Without Passport (1950), which flopped. More popular were two pictures she made at Paramount, a Western with Ray Milland, Copper Canyon (1950), and a Bob Hope spy spoof, My Favorite Spy (1951).

Her career went into decline. She went to Italy to play multiple roles in Loves of Three Queens (1954), which she also produced. However she lacked the experience necessary to make a success of such an epic production, and lost millions of dollars when she was unable to secure distribution of the picture.

She was Joan of Arc in Irwin Allen's critically panned epic, The Story of Mankind (1957) and did episodes of Zane Grey Theatre ("Proud Woman") and Shower of Stars ("Cloak and Dagger"). Her last film was a thriller The Female Animal (1958).

Lamarr was signed to act in the 1966 film Picture Mommy Dead, but was let go when she collapsed during filming from nervous exhaustion. She was replaced in the role of Jessica Flagmore Shelley by Zsa Zsa Gabor.

Although Lamarr had no formal training and was primarily self-taught, she worked in her spare time on various hobbies and inventions, which included an improved traffic stoplight and a tablet that would dissolve in water to create a carbonated drink. The beverage was unsuccessful; Lamarr herself said it tasted like Alka-Seltzer.

Among the few who knew of Lamarr's inventiveness was aviation tycoon Howard Hughes. She suggested he change the rather square design of his aeroplanes (which she thought looked too slow) to a more streamlined shape, based on pictures of the fastest birds and fish she could find. Lamarr discussed her relationship with Hughes during an interview, saying that while they dated, he actively supported her inventive "tinkering" hobbies. He put his team of scientists and engineers at her disposal, saying they would do or make anything she asked for.

During World War II, Lamarr learned that radio-controlled torpedoes, an emerging technology in naval war, could easily be jammed and set off course.[53] She thought of creating a frequency-hopping signal that could not be tracked or jammed. She conceived an idea and contacted her friend, composer and pianist George Antheil, to help her implement it.[54] Together they developed a device for doing that, when he succeeded by synchronizing a miniaturized player-piano mechanism with radio signals.[40] They drafted designs for the frequency-hopping system, which they patented.[55][56] Antheil recalled:

We began talking about the war, which, in the late summer of 1940, was looking most extremely black. Hedy said that she did not feel very comfortable, sitting there in Hollywood and making lots of money when things were in such a state. She said that she knew a good deal about munitions and various secret weapons ... and that she was thinking seriously of quitting MGM and going to Washington, D.C., to offer her services to the newly established National Inventors Council.

As quoted from a 1945 Stars and Stripes interview, "Hedy modestly admitted she did only 'creative work on the invention', while the composer and author George Antheil, 'did the really important chemical part'. Hedy was not too clear about how the device worked, but she remembered that she and Antheil sat down on her living room rug and were using a silver match box with the matches simulating the wiring of the invented 'thing'. She said that at the start of the war 'British fliers were over hostile territory as soon as they crossed the channel, but German aviators were over friendly territory most of the way to England... I got the idea for my invention when I tried to think of some way to even the balance for the British. A radio controlled torpedo, I thought would do it.'"

Their invention was granted a patent under U.S. Patent 2,292,387 on August 11, 1942 (filed using her married name Hedy Kiesler Markey).[58] However, it was technologically difficult to implement, and at the time the US Navy was not receptive to considering inventions coming from outside the military.[35] Nevertheless, it was classified in the "red hot" category.[59] It was first adapted in 1957 to develop a sonobuoy before the expiration of the patent, although this was denied by the Navy. At the time of the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962, an updated version of their design was installed on Navy ships.[60] Today, various spread-spectrum techniques are incorporated into Bluetooth technology and are similar to methods used in legacy versions of Wi-Fi. Lamarr and Antheil's contributions were formally recognized in the late twentieth and early twenty-first centuries.

Lamarr was married and divorced six times and had three children:

Friedrich Mandl (married 1933–37), chairman of the Hirtenberger Patronen-Fabrik

Gene Markey (married 1939–41), screenwriter and producer. She adopted a boy, James Lamarr Markey (born January 9, 1939) during her marriage with Markey. In 2001, James found out he was the out-of-wedlock son of Lamarr and actor John Loder, whom she later married as her third husband.

John Loder (married 1943–47), actor. James Lamarr Markey was adopted by Loder as James Lamarr Loder. During the marriage, Lamarr and Loder also had two further children: Denise Loder (born January 19, 1945), married Larry Colton, a writer and former baseball player; and Anthony Loder (born February 1, 1947), married Roxanne who worked for illustrator James McMullan. They both appeared in the documentary films Calling Hedy Lamarr (2004), and Bombshell: The Hedy Lamarr Story (2017).

Ernest "Ted" Stauffer (married 1951–52), nightclub owner, restaurateur, and former bandleader

W. Howard Lee (married 1953–60), a Texas oilman (he later married film actress Gene Tierney)

Lewis J. Boies (married 1963–65), Lamarr's divorce lawyer

Following her sixth and final divorce in 1965, Lamarr remained unmarried for the last 35 years of her life.

Lamarr became a naturalized citizen of the United States at age 38 on April 10, 1953. Her autobiography, Ecstasy and Me, was published in 1966. In a 1969 interview on The Merv Griffin Show, she said that she did not write it and claimed that much was fictional. Lamarr sued the publisher in 1966 to halt publication, saying that many details were fabricated by its ghost writer, Leo Guild. She lost the suit. In 1967, Lamarr was sued by Gene Ringgold, who asserted that the book plagiarized material from an article he had written in 1965 for Screen Facts magazine.

In the late 1950s, Lamarr designed and, with husband W. Howard Lee, developed the Villa LaMarr ski resort in Aspen, Colorado. After their divorce, her husband gained this resort

In 1966, Lamarr was arrested in Los Angeles for shoplifting. The charges were eventually dropped. In 1991, she was arrested on the same charge in Florida, this time for stealing $21.48 worth of laxatives and eye drops. She pleaded no contest to avoid a court appearance, and the charges were dropped in return for her promise to refrain from breaking any laws for a year.

During the 1970s, Lamarr lived in increasing seclusion. She was offered several scripts, television commercials, and stage projects, but none piqued her interest. In 1974, she filed a $10 million lawsuit against Warner Bros., claiming that the running parody of her name ("Hedley Lamarr") featured in the Mel Brooks comedy Blazing Saddles infringed her right to privacy. Brooks said he was flattered; the studio settled out of court for an undisclosed nominal sum and an apology to Lamarr for "almost using her name". Brooks said that Lamarr "never got the joke". With her eyesight failing, Lamarr retreated from public life and settled in Miami Beach, Florida, in 1981.

In 1996, a large Corel-drawn image of Lamarr won the annual cover design contest for the CorelDRAW's yearly software suite. For several years, beginning in 1997, it was featured on boxes of the software suite. Lamarr sued the company for using her image without her permission. Corel countered that she did not own rights to the image. The parties reached an undisclosed settlement in 1998.

In 1997, Canadian company WiLAN signed an agreement with Lamarr to acquire 49% of the marketing rights of her patent, and a right of first refusal for the remaining 51% for ten quarterly payments. This was the only financial compensation she received for her frequency-hopping spread spectrum invention. A friendship ensued between her and the company's CEO, Hatim Zaghloul.

Lamarr became estranged from her son, James Lamarr Loder (who believed he was adopted until 2001), when he was 12 years old. Their relationship ended abruptly, and he moved in with another family. They did not speak again for almost 50 years. Lamarr left James Loder out of her will, and he sued for control of the US$3.3 million estate left by Lamarr in 2000. He eventually settled for US$50,000. James Loder was the Omaha, Nebraska police officer who was charged but then acquitted of the killing of 14 year old Vivian Strong in 1969.

In the last decades of her life, Lamarr communicated only by telephone with the outside world, even with her children and close friends. She often talked up to six or seven hours a day on the phone, but she spent hardly any time with anyone in person in her final years. A documentary film, Calling Hedy Lamarr, was released in 2004 and features her children Anthony Loder and Denise Loder-DeLuca.

Lamarr died in Casselberry, Florida, on January 19, 2000, of heart disease, aged 85. According to her wishes, she was cremated and her son Anthony Loder spread her ashes in Austria's Vienna Woods.

In 1939, Lamarr was voted the "most promising new actress" of 1938 in a poll of area voters conducted by a Philadelphia Record film critic.[95]

In 1951, British moviegoers voted Lamarr the tenth best actress of 1950,[96] for her performance in Samson and Delilah.

In 1960, Lamarr was honored with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame for her contribution to the motion picture industry, at 6247 Hollywood Blvd adjacent to Vine Street where the walk is centered.

In 1997, Lamarr and George Antheil were jointly honored with the Electronic Frontier Foundation's Pioneer Award.

Also in 1997, Lamarr was the first woman to receive the Invention Convention's BULBIE Gnass Spirit of Achievement Award, known as the "Oscars of inventing".

In 2014, Lamarr and Antheil were posthumously inducted into the National Inventors Hall of Fame for frequency-hopping spread spectrum technology.

Also in 2014, Lamarr was given an honorary grave in Vienna's Central Cemetery, where the remaining portion of her ashes were buried in November, shortly before her 100th birthday.

Asteroid 32730 Lamarr, discovered by Karl Reinmuth at Heidelberg Observatory in 1951, was named in her memory. The official naming citation was published by the Minor Planet Center on August 27, 2019 (M.P.C. 115894).

On 6 November 2020, a satellite named after her (ÑuSat 14 or "Hedy", COSPAR 2020-079F) was launched into space.

The 2004 documentary film Calling Hedy Lamarr features her children, Anthony Loder and Denise Loder-DeLuca.

In 2010, Lamarr was selected out of 150 IT people to be featured in a short film launched by the British Computer Society on May 20.

Also during 2010, the New York Public Library exhibit Thirty Years of Photography at the New York Public Library included a photo of a topless Lamarr (c. 1930) by Austrian-born American photographer Trude Fleischmann.

The 2017 documentary film Bombshell: The Hedy Lamarr Story, written and directed by Alexandra Dean and produced by Susan Sarandon,[108] about Lamarr's life and career as an actress and inventor, also featuring her children Anthony and Denise, among others, premiered at the 2017 Tribeca Film Festival.[40] It was released in theaters on November 24, 2017, and aired on the PBS series American Masters in May 2018. As of April 2020, it is also available on Netflix.

During World War II, the Office of Strategic Services invented a pyrotechnic device meant to help agents operating behind enemy lines to escape if capture seemed imminent. When the pin was pulled, it made the whistle of a falling bomb followed by a loud explosion and a large cloud of smoke, enabling the agent to make his escape. It saved the life of at least one agent. The device was codenamed the Hedy Lamarr.[109]

The Mel Brooks 1974 western parody Blazing Saddles features a male villain named "Hedley Lamarr". As a running gag, various characters mistakenly refer to him as "Hedy Lamarr" prompting him to testily reply "That's Hedley."

In the 1982 off-Broadway musical Little Shop of Horrors and subsequent film adaptation (1986), Audrey II says to Seymour in the song "Feed Me" that he can get Seymour anything he wants, including "A date with Hedy Lamarr."

On the Nickelodeon show Hey Arnold!, there is a running gag in which whenever something unfortunate happens to Arnold's grandfather, Phil, he constantly states how things would have been different if he had "married Hedy Lamarr instead!". In one episode, it is revealed that he carries a photo of her in his wallet.

In the 2003 video game Half-Life 2, Dr. Kleiner's pet headcrab, Lamarr, is named after Hedy Lamarr.

In 2008, an off-Broadway play, Frequency Hopping, features the lives of Lamarr and Antheil. The play was written and staged by Elyse Singer, and the script won a prize for best new play about science and technology from STAGE.

In 2011, the story of Lamarr's frequency-hopping spread spectrum invention was explored in an episode of the Science Channel show Dark Matters: Twisted But True, a series that explores the darker side of scientific discovery and experimentation, which premiered on September 7.

Batman co-creator Bob Kane was a great movie fan and his love for film provided the impetus for several Batman characters, among them, Catwoman. Among Kane's inspiration for Catwoman were Lamarr and actress Jean Harlow. Also in 2011, Anne Hathaway revealed that she had learned that the original Catwoman was based on Lamarr, so she studied all of Lamarr's films and incorporated some of her breathing techniques into her portrayal of Catwoman in the 2012 film The Dark Knight Rises.

In 2013, her work in improving wireless security was part of the premiere episode of the Discovery Channel show How We Invented the World.

In 2015, on November 9, the 101st anniversary of Lamarr's birth, Google paid tribute to Lamarr's work in film and her contributions to scientific advancement with an animated Google Doodle.

In 2016, Lamarr was depicted in an off-Broadway play, HEDY! The Life and Inventions of Hedy Lamarr, a one-woman show written and performed by Heather Massie.

Also in 2016, the off-Broadway, one-actor show Stand Still and Look Stupid: The Life Story of Hedy Lamarr starring Emily Ebertz and written by Mike Broemmel went into production.

Also in 2016, Whitney Frost, a character in the TV show Agent Carter, was inspired by Lamarr and Lauren Bacall.

In 2017, actress Celia Massingham portrayed Lamarr on The CW television series Legends of Tomorrow in the sixth episode of the third season, titled "Helen Hunt". The episode is set in 1937 "Hollywoodland" and references Lamarr's reputation as an inventor. The episode aired on November 14, 2017.

In 2018, actress Alyssa Sutherland portrayed Lamarr on the NBC television series Timeless in the third episode of the second season, titled "Hollywoodland". The episode aired March 25, 2018.

Gal Gadot is set to portray Lamarr in an Apple TV+ limited series based on her life story.

A novelization of her life, The Only Woman in the Room by Marie Benedict, was published in 2019.

[believe-that-you-can-my-friend]

Elisabeth & Noah in the origin world (1/?)

First meeting

Noah doesn’t want to go. Weddings and their big, loud extravaganza aren’t really his style. But Jonas is a longtime colleague and a good friend, one of the few he obtained through the years, so, he makes an effort. He dresses up nicely, wishes the newlyweds wholeheartedly to have a good life and decides to stay a respectable amount of time, before he can politely excuse himself. It is an open bar, after all, it would be a shame not to enjoy a drink or two. 

The surprise of the night is neither the embarrassing speeches from Martha’s brothers nor Jonas’ awful dance moves. It’s the blonde beauty, that seems to be pulling him like a magnet, like no one else exists but her in the otherwise crowded room. He can’t take his eyes off her, he can’t move, he can’t even breathe. All he can do is keep stealing glances of her, of her curly blonde hair, of her red lips, of her pretty dress that highlights her figure and reveals her long, killer legs. She’s stunning and, for the first time, he finds himself at a loss of words.

He is quick to look away when she finally catches up on his stare. That was so disrespectful, you idiot, now you creeped her out, he mentally scolds his socially awkward self. But she gives him a curious once-over and then a look, so confident, so bold, an open invitation for him to flirt with her properly, her clever eyes and the little tilt of her head asking him “so, you’re just gonna sit there and stare?”. She makes him nervous and tongue-tied but, at the same time, a rush of excitement spreads through his nerve endings, and, even though he has never been this spontaneous or brave regarding love and past relationships, he manages to swallow his reserved demeanor and smile at her.

By the third drink, he is walking up to her.

By the forth, he is mimicing words, trying to tell her that he is really enjoying her company, for the first time cursing himself for opting out of that sign language course during sophomore year in college.

By the fifth, he is typing an array of Zzz emoji’s - he didn’t even know they existed - on his phone, after she typed “what would you be doing this Saturday night, if you weren’t here?”. She laughs, scrunching her nose, all youthful and cute, and he is sure his face resembles that heart-eyes emoji. 

By the sixth, he is dancing to some 80′s song, not actually listening to it, just feeling the beat thud inside his chest, like she suggested, watching mesmerized her tulle skirt sway under the flickering lights, as she dances around in circles.

By the nth, she is pushing him out the backdoor of the venue and kissing him, breathless and bruising, her fingers pulling at his tie and his ruining her updo, getting lost inside a sea of blonde curls. When she goes back inside, with a wink and a wave, he is left there trying to find his footing back into the world and slow down his racing heart, an imprint of gin and red lipstick on his grinning lips.

His phone vibrates inside the pocket of his suit jacket. The notification informs him of a new message:

I guess your Saturday night ended up being way better than you imagined x

He saves the contact and spends the rest of the night tasting her name on his lips; Elisabeth.

[mordoriscalling]

Cigarettes After Sex (The Art of Letting Go) (1/?)

Modern AU which I talked about in this post. Geralt and Jaskier are roommates and best friends, both stuck in on-and-off relationships that hurt them. They have sex after break-ups. 

Warnings: Explicit sexual content and smoking addiction. 

Jaskier isn’t surprised to hear the words the moment he lights up a cigarette. “Stop smoking.” Jaskier ignores the gruff, pleasant voice and draws on the cigarette for the first time. The sweet rush of smoke fills his lungs and the hollowness in his chest is not a gaping hole anymore.

(Smoking distracts him from the other poison coursing through his body.) Breathing out, he looks at Geralt sitting on the other edge of the bed. His bare back is a sight to behold. Jaskier could admire it purely aesthetically, the way you do when you see a Greek statue at a museum, but he knows how those muscles move beneath his touch. He’s committed the smell of the beautifully scarred skin and the taste of it to his memory. Now that he looks at Geralt’s back, he wants to kiss the scars and trace his nose against the line of the broad shoulders, just to keep the memories more alive than they are, more burning than they already are. His mouth wants to do a few stupid things at once, so Jaskier draws on the cigarette again. He holds his breath, trapping the smoke inside, and makes his gaze travel up. Geralt peers at him over his shoulder, which is such a Geralt way of looking, and his almost-golden eyes are too warm for today, for now, for what they’ve just done. Jaskier exhales the smoke up in the air, not breaking the eye contact because he has to see the appreciative glint. No matter how much Geralt denies it, Jaskier knows he likes the sight of him smoking. “It’s my room,” he replies finally.

Geralt scoffs. Turning away, he grumbles, “the fucking smell is everywhere.” “Gives you a headache, I know,” Jaskier says quietly as he watches Geralt walk around the bedroom, picking up all his clothes and putting them back on. He tries to admire Geralt’s body as an artwork that it is but fails. He knows that body far too well, loves it in a way he shouldn’t. After Geralt dresses, he opens the window despite the fact that it’s cold outside and Jaskier is sprawled out naked on the bed. (It’s fucking Valentine’s Day.) “You should quit,” Geralt says, “it’s bad for you.” Jaskier sighs heavily, hating how much his best friend cares. “I’m aware,” he answers. Geralt stands there, black clothes and white hair contrasting with the grey-blue walls. Jaskier drinks him in and admits, “But I can’t stop.” Geralt hmms in displeasure and walks out of the room. He closes the door behind him, leaving ringing silence in his wake, and there’s nothing for Jaskier to focus on but his thoughts. Immediately, he feels hollow, so he draws on the cigarette hastily. As he finishes it, he contemplates on all this mess. It’s Valentine’s Day. He and Geralt have just fucked, again. The sex was so good – with the perfect amount of heat and connectedness – that Jaskier almost cried in the worst way. It didn’t mean what he wants it to. They just need the comfort because they’re both fools, drawn to “their” women like moths to a flame even though it always ends in painful break-ups.

Geralt and Yennefer had a massive argument three days ago. Jaskier and Elisabeth discovered they’ve been cheating on each other yesterday. The events aligned in time in such a way that Jaskier and Geralt needed each other like this on 14th February.

(Celebrating with cigarettes after sex seems spot on.)

Jaskier puts the butt in the ashtray on his bedside table and wonders if this is ever going to end. He and Elisabeth, who is a woman so refined that calls her “the Countess”, have had the on-and-off relationship going on for five years at least. Gravitating towards her has become so deeply ingrained in him that he doesn’t even remember when it all began. He only recalls that he felt like a kid, back then. He was passionate about literature and so was that stunning woman ten years older than him. She knew exactly what she wanted, did just the right things, and Jaskier was mad about her in a flash.

She’s taught him a lot about the world and himself, always guiding him with a firm hand, which only works up to a point. Jaskier’s stubborn and wants her to yield to him too but she never does, fondly calling him a brat. Eventually, they both go to someone who gives them what they don’t find in each other. They do so love lying to one another, though. Jaskier is twenty-nine now and he can’t wait for his twenties to be over. In his head he dreams that turning thirty will solve all his problems. He will stop caring about unnecessary things. He will learn, finally, how to let go. He will stop. But then he sits alone in the kitchen after a pleasant evening with the Countess. They discussed poetry and drank wine but Jaskier could see that Elisabeth is drifting away from him. The good time isn’t going to last much longer and he hates it. It must show on his face because as Geralt walks in, he takes only one look at him and says his name in that way, questioning and offering. Then, they’re kissing, undressing, and it’s too good to think of anything else. Geralt fucks him from behind, pressing their bodies close from head to toe and moaning into his neck. Then, they’re on the bed, Jaskier under Geralt. Geralt moves his hips slowly, almost making love to him, and they’re holding hands, looking into each other’s eyes. The sheer intimacy of it all nearly drives a helpless scream out of him. That week, Jaskier performs Lies at a gig and promises himself: never again.

But then Geralt returns home, smelling of lilac and gooseberries, his cheek red. He says Jaskier’s name in that way, hesitant and pleading, and Jaskier is on his feet in an instant, peppering kisses all over his best friend’s wounds. Geralt submits to him completely, responding to his sweet words and praise like a flower basking in the sun. Nothing turns Jaskier on more than the sounds Geralt makes as he blows him and fingers him. Geralt can only tug at his hair and beg. Then, Jaskier enters him, and he can’t help putting his forehead against Geralt’s. They breathe in each other’s scents, their lips brushing. Jaskier smells Yennefer’s perfume. He has to smoke three cigarettes in a row afterwards, and Geralt is once more so fucking concerned about his health. Two days later, he sings The Starring Role to an enthralled audience and decides: this must come to an end. (But he can’t stop.)

Part 2

***

A/N: This fic is also available on AO3.

[pencilwritesshiz47]

Lunae the Seventh

MGR story chapter one

[Next] [Masterpost]

Goldie Potter stomped over to her lover’s room, absolutely furious. She swung open the door, and proclaimed loudly, “They’re making me be a bodyguard!” 

Her lover, Marigold Dia, looked up from her book. “And this is bad… because?”

Goldie flopped on the bed. “Because, Mari, they’re making me escort a noble from the outskirts of Marcain to the literal center of the city! Do you know how long of a walk it will be with a stuffy noble who won’t even respect me? All they’ll notice is my age and lack of a formal title and they’ll completely underestimate my skills, I just know it.” 

Marigold gave her a sympathetic look. “Well, you know you’re qualified, and quite frankly, if they think just because you’re part of the Junior Knights Association that you aren’t capable, they’re a poop-head. And anyways, if it makes you feel better, when we’re done, we can watch any movie you want.”

Goldie sat up. “Any movie? Even that new comedy that you think is going to be super cringey?” 

The sprite sighed. “Yes, even that.” 

At that moment, a girl with red hair popped in— Alice, the leader/general of the Junior Knights Association. “Ah, Goldie, there you are. You’re late. Lady Elisabeth is waiting for you.” 

As Alice pulled her out of the room, she saw Marigold giving her a thumbs up, and she smiled.

✧✧✧

When they entered the lobby, the general pointed over to a girl in the corner. “That’s your assignment. Get her to the Xan Ruzian palace, and when she’s finished her business, come right back.”

Goldie looked closely at the girl. She looked to be about her age, maybe a year younger. She had tanned skin, brown hair, and honey-colored eyes. On her head was a golden circlet that looked similar to a flower crown. She had a swishy pastel pink dress and a colorful neon windbreaker. Upon noticing them, she waved, and came over to them.

“Hello there. I’m Lady Elisabeth Melly of Las. I assume you’re the one escorting me through Marcain?” 

Goldie quickly bowed, then nodded. “Yes, my lady. I assume a Space elemental will be here any minute to create the portal.”

“Wonderful.”

Alice walked up to the lady, bowing. “My apologies, our knights aren’t usually this late. Di should be here soon.”

They stood there for a few moments, before a blue haired girl came running down the hallway. “So, so sorry,” she said, and took a second to catch her breath, before casting out her hand. 

A burst of blue light sprang out of it, and a portal appeared. Goldie noticed the girl starting to sway on her feet (Calinas and Xan Ruz were quite far apart), and quickly said, “Why don’t you and Dame Alice head back to the main building?” 

The girl nodded, and as they left, Goldie turned to Lady Elisabeth. Usually, she went through the portal first, and after affirming that yes, they were in the correct spot, would help them through. This time though, the noblewoman had already gone in, and was sticking her head out.

“Well, come on! I can’t be late!” The knight-in-training smirked. Maybe this trip might not be as bad as she thought.

✧✧✧

When she exited the portal, she looked around. There was no city, just a plain field. She turned to Elisabeth, and before she could say anything, the brown-haired girl laughed.

“You’ve never been to Xan Ruz, have you?”

“No, my lady, I have not,” she said. She usually went around Calinas, and occasionally to Bin Bive, but that was it.

The lady smirked. “Well, don’t worry, and follow me.”

She started walking, and Goldie noticed they were going down; they must have been at a higher elevation than the rest of the area. As she walked started getting steeper, and she almost ran into the noblewoman. 

“My apologies my la—” 

“Tulu’s belt, I appreciate the gesture but please, if you say ‘my lady’ one more time I might be sick. Just call me Elisabeth.” she said.

Goldie nodded, and looked at where they had ended up. On their right was a medium sized cave, which Elisabeth was walking into.

“My— uh, Elisabeth, what are you doing?”

She looked back. “Marcain is in here!” Goldie was still confused, but thought her best option was to keep following her, so she did.

The cave wasn’t dark or damp like a usual cave, it was quite the opposite. It was well lit with torches on the walls, and beautiful murals that she wished she had time to look at. There was a nice scent in it as well, maybe some sort of spice?

After a few minutes, she finally realized what Elisabeth had meant by saying Marcain was in the cave.

Because Marcain was literally in the cave. The two were apparently standing on a balcony looking over the city. It was large, bright and bustling; there were large buildings carved into the cavern walls everywhere. She could see Xan Ruzians going about their daily businesses, going to markets and shops, talking with friends, and she could even make out a cute couple holding hands.

Elisabeth leaned against the railing, sighing happily. “Marcain is one of my favorite non-Lasian cities. It’s just so wonderful and exciting!” They kept staring down at it, but then remembered they had come here for a purpose, and kept going.

Apparently, at the end of the balcony was a very long set of stairs. Goldie looked at it in disdain, but knew she had to get to the city somehow, and kept walking.

✧✧✧

About an hour later, they reached the palace. Goldie turned to the noblewoman. “Are you sure I can’t come in? I am assigned to protect you.”

“Yeah, and I mean no offense, but this is private business. Maybe you could wait outside?”

“Yes, of course.” 

As she went in, the blond leaned against the wall, hoping whatever the Lasian was doing would be quick.

A few minutes later, she heard one of the palace guards shouting out to her. “You! Girl! What are you doing?”

She sighed, this always happened at some point. 

“I’m Goldie Potter of Calinas’ Junior Knights Association. I’m here on assignment to guide and protect Lady Elisabeth Melly of Las.”

They laughed. “Sure. But then why aren’t you with her?” “Her business was private. She asked me to stay out here.” “Mhm. So if she has private business in the castle, why haven’t we been informed? And why haven’t we seen her?”

Goldie looked at them, confused. “You haven’t seen her?”

“No, I haven’t.” they replied. “And I’m starting to think you’re lying. Please leave before I make you.”

Goldie huffed, but walked off anyways. It probably wasn’t a good idea to get into a fight, especially when arrows aren’t the best weapon for hand-to-hand combat.

She decided to stay in the area, and just walk around the palace grounds. After her first round, she stopped abruptly. She felt something… almost like a tremor? 

And then she heard the crash. She turned her head quickly to where it was, and saw a huge chunk of rock falling from the top of the cavern. She gasped, then another chunk came down. And another. And another.

Screams filled her ears, people outside rushing and panicking. She tried to get to Lady Elisabeth, but she was blocked by the oncoming rush of palace workers.

Everything was happening so fast. She could almost completely see the sky now. Huge metal balls were raining down on the city.

A few feet away she saw one land. It was huge, almost three times bigger than her and at least twice as wide. It went right through the floor of the cave, and she saw cracks coming through the floor.

She started to run, trying to get out of the range of the cracks but they moved too quickly. They stopped for a second, and for a moment she thought everything was fine.

But then, another ball came down. It looked smaller, but still a decent size. As it landed on a little crack, she saw it widen, all of them widening.

And she screamed as she was plunged into the darkness below.

Taglist (let me know if you want to be added or removed.):

@xonar-verse

Hey! Oh gosh, this is finally published!! I can’t believe it!!

Anyways, I hope you like this.

Reblogs are 10x more helpful than likes!

And let me know 

your general feedback

if I’ve made any spelling or grammar mistakes

if I’ve missed any triggers.

Thanks, and have a great day/night!

[tarlos-spain]

Banishing bad habits it's never something easy

This fic is something quite personal. It started as a one-shot for sicktember, but I suddenly saw a lot of potential in it.

I'm a woman and I'm married to another woman, we have a wonderful son and we've been very lucky with all the people around us and especially around him. At the moment he doesn't know what discrimination is and his school is wonderful for integrating all the children.

Then I thought of a story, imagining that TK and Carlos are married and have a little girl and it is time to start school. They and the people who love them are proud of their family but when you meet other people, sometimes, when you face the world, it is not so simple.

This story is the struggle of many moms and dads to feel included, that no one looks down on them and no one looks down on their children for having two dads or two moms.

It was seven in the morning when Eli jumped on his parents' bed singing.

"It's the first day of school, come on it's the first day of school."

TK snuggled under the covers and Carlos growled, but the girl was persistent there would be no moving her from there until her parents got up.

Five minutes later, TK heard the alarm go off, reached over to her cell phone, and turned it off. Carlos hugged him for a moment and they kissed each other good morning.

"I want to come with you." Carlos murmured.

"You go into work in an hour, you don't have time."

"But it's a little bug's first day of school."

"Yes, first day of school!"

Eli jumped on the bed like a trampoline, not caring about scolding either of his parents, and they both laughed and protested giving each other a wake-up call.

"Tell that to the grip running around the police station." TK grabbed the girl and began tickling her until he heard her supplicate with laughter to stop. "Don't worry I'll shoot you a nice video of us getting to school and the tantrums of the other kids who don't want to go to school.

"Are there children who don't want to go to school? But it's so cool." Eli said, surprised by her father's words. "Besides, new school, new school. It's a new school."

Eli jumped up and went to her room ready to get dressed in the uniform she had been waiting all summer to wear.

"Eli, honey, first breakfast, in case you stain yourself with the cookies, then I'll give you a quick shower and then your uniform."

"Nge," protested the little girl. "But I want to wear it now, maybe I've grown too big and it doesn't fit or maybe it's been eaten by the bedbugs in the closet and has holes in it."

"I'm sure it will fit you perfectly and I'm going to take so many pictures of you that they'll hate me at the police station for being a pain in the ass," Carlos added while rubbing his eyes with his hands.

TK didn't know who was more nervous, his daughter starting school for real, away from kindergarten, or him for having to leave her surrounded by kids much older than her.

His daughter had grown up so fast that they had barely realized she was about to turn six.

Looking back, he remembered that day he and Carlos had decided to become parents. The easiest of their lives because they both felt ready, they both wanted to increase their family, after getting married and having overcome a couple of life and death situations at work, they had decided that because of professional issues, it would never really be a good time to be parents, something could happen to either of them at any time. But on a personal level, they envied Judd and Grace and Tommy for their children.

It was the joy of parenthood.

Elisabeth's arrival in their lives changed everything-for them, for their parents, for the barracks. She had something of both of them, and that had been a quirk of fate. Because while they had decided that the biological father would be TK, they had chosen a Latina woman to bear some resemblance to Carlos. But every year that passed, without having a genetic union, the girl looked very much like her father and no one doubted that she was his daughter.

They both adored the child and Elisabeth was happy. She had gone to the nursery, although her family of 126 had been her babysitters countless times, and even Nancy was considering becoming a single mother after the times she had been left to care for the child. She had done her two years of kindergarten and now she was a big girl, it was time to start real school.

They had chosen the best school in town, one that could allow her to study until college or at least until she was eighteen because at the moment the girl was changing her future profession every week, she had said she wanted to be a policeman like daddy, a firefighter like a grandpa and a doctor like an aunt Toomy, but she had also been an astronaut, a veterinarian, a dancer, and a painter.

Now she hadn't decided on anything and had agreed with her parents to try it all out at school before she knew what she wanted to do when she finished school.

TK gave the little girl a big kiss and let her run off with the teacher who waved her hand. It was the first time he hadn't taken her straight to class and that was already making him sad, thinking that his daughter was growing up too fast and he missed the baby he had spent nights cradling in his arms to put her to sleep.

He sighed heavily as he watched her disappear into the school building and turned away.

"Mr. Strand." A voice called to his back and he turned around again.

He had twice seen the headmistress of the school when they were looking for a school for Eli and on both occasions, the woman had been delighted to have someone as important as Captain Strand, hero of 9/11 among her family members.

"Mrs. Smith, good morning."

"Very good morning. How quickly children grow up, don't they?"

"You can't imagine."

"I've been through that same moment, four times. My children have all come to this school and now there's only the youngest left, who has three years left to graduate."

"Wow, four kids. We only have one and it already seems like a huge challenge. How do you manage to have four and not die trying?"

The principal burst out laughing. She was a fascinating woman, with children that old she must have been in her fifties, but she didn't look it. She was dressed in jeans and a white shirt, which showed off a spectacular figure. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail, but you could see the copper curls and round glasses framed half of her face.

"It's a matter of discipline, lots of practice, and both love and the ability to say no."

"Sounds very clever, we'll have to put it into practice at home, although the truth is Eli is a very good girl and as much as she has the occasional tantrum, we can't complain."

"Wonderful." The woman looked around a bit. "I see your wife couldn't make it. Too bad she missed Eli's first day of school, it's always a special day."

"My husband had a shift at the station today, the flu epidemic among the classmates."

"Oh boy what a shame. But excuse me, Mr. Strand, did you say your husband?"

"Yes, of course, Carlos Reyes is my husband."

"Carlos Reyes." The woman did not hide how shocked she was by this unexpected turn of events. "I thought you were married to one of the daughters of Gabriel Reyes, one of the most respected rangers in town."

TK burst out laughing.

"Wow, yeah well, almost. I'm married to his son Carlos Reyes, who is following in his father's footsteps and will be a detective in no time, but don't tell him I told you that he thinks I'll jinx his moment.

"Ah, so you and your husband are Eli's dads." The woman looked at her cell phone. "I have to leave now, Mr. Strand, we'll talk another time."

*

TK had taken the day off to drop Elisabeth off at school in the morning and pick her up in the afternoon, so he had arranged to have lunch with Carlos outside the police station and tell him how the morning had gone.

"The principal was a little shocked when she realized I'm not married to your sister."

"You too my sister? To Rosario?" Carlos burst out laughing. "As you can tell they don't know her, no one would believe you're together."

"Why do you say that?"

"You've seen the men my sister dates. They all look like something out of MMA fights, besides Rosario has no intention of getting married, much less having children."

"I don't know, she seemed very confused when I told her you were my husband."

"I guess they don't have many families with two dads or two moms at school."

TK gave her the lowdown on what Eli's arrival at school had been like and was looking at the clock every five minutes.

"There's still three hours until Eli gets out of school. Take it easy."

"I know, but it's all new to her and it's the big kids' school and I don't know, maybe she feels lost or lonely. Plus she doesn't have any friends yet and maybe..."

Carlos put his hand on top of TK's and looked down at him with that smile that always managed to calm him down no matter what.

"Everything is going to be fine. Remember your first day working here in Austin."

"I met my future husband, I hope Eli doesn't come to us with a surprise like that." They both laughed and continued eating. "You're right it wasn't that bad and besides the kids get used to new things right away.

Dinner time was special, they had decided to order pizza to celebrate a great first day of school and Carlos had managed to escape the police station early. They had also called the grandparents and all three had answered the call as if from a bat signal in the sky.

By eight o'clock Eli was yawning, dead sleepy and as soon as Carlos picked her up in his arms to carry her to bed, she fell asleep.

"She's exhausted. It's been a very intense day." TK said, watching as father and daughter left for the bedroom. "She hasn't stopped talking about the new friends she's made and the things they've done in class since she's been out."

"They grow up so fast," Andrea said, patting her son-in-law's shoulder. "But you have to be proud of the work you're doing with her, she's a lovely little girl."

TK nodded and offered them all coffee but before they could get to the kitchen, someone knocked on the door.

They weren't expecting visitors and they certainly weren't expecting a visit from one of Elisabeth's school mothers.

"Good evening, sorry to bother you, but we are neighbors and I have been told that your daughter goes to class with my son." Said the woman as soon as TK opened the door. "I brought you some cookies, I usually make them every weekend for the class, each of the mothers prepares something special during the weekend. What about you guys? Do any of you feel more prepared to get together with the moms in the class, I know at first you probably will. It's going to be a little awkward for everyone, especially you. Tyler right?" TK nodded. "How you got Elisabeth to school this morning I figured you were going to take over the more motherly duties. How's that working out for you guys?" The woman burst out laughing and wouldn't let him answer. "Sorry, I'm such a chatterbox."

"That's okay, it's nice to meet you..."

"Katherine, I'm George's mom, you'll get to meet him soon because he's going to become the class delegate in no time, he's got a lot of character."

"OK... Nice to meet you, you can call me TK if you want, that's what everyone who knows me calls me.

"No, please no initials, it's very ordinary, all of us parents call each other by our first names, Tyler. And by the way, talking about what we usually do, I guess you will know that you have joined a very traditional community."

"No, actually we don't know much about the school."

"Well, don't worry, we'll catch you up. But traditions are very important to us and we are not very fond of change, or some modern things. I don't know if you understand me."

"Yes, I think I do."

"Perfect, then, I hope you like the cookies and I'll see you tomorrow morning at school."

Katherine left without TK having had a chance to say much and left him with the tray of cookies in his hands. He turned around, closed the door, and realized that his father, his in-laws, and Carlos were watching him.

"Did you just tell me that we're not welcome at school because we're a couple of men?"

"I'm afraid so," Carlos replied and walked over to him. Owen took the tray of cookies from his son's hands and Carlos hugged him. "But it's going to be okay, we're going to be the voice of change you'll see."

[abigailzimmer]

Favorite Reads of 2020

In this year of slowness, thank god for books to make the world a little larger again. I read several classics for the first time—Shelley’s Frankenstein and Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring and Bernadette Mayer’s Midwinter Day—all of which felt important to return to the source material, to see how these books shaped those that came after them. And I delved into new books from favorite authors whose words I will always seek out—like Kelly Schirmann’s The New World and Heather Christle’s The Crying Book—and I branched out into mystery and romance books because they kept pages turning and tidied everything up so neatly at the end, which if not my usual fare, was sorely needed in this strange year. But since I do love a list, here are the books that sung to me / inspired me / shaped me:

1. Exquisitely told and inventive in form, Women Talking by Miriam Toews centers on a group of Mennonite women in South America who discover they're being drugged and raped during the night by the men in their community. While the men are away, the women meet to decide whether they will stay and forgive their attackers, as their community’s religious leaders ask them to, or leave the colony and start anew. Their conversation over the course of two days questions the role of women, what freedom and forgiveness really mean, how to fulfill one’s calling as a woman, mother, and believer, whether one must choose one thing over another, and whether staying or leaving carries the greater risk. It’s a thoughtful and creative approach to hard questions and the complicated reasons why there’s never a right answer.

2. Ilya Kaminsky's collection, Dancing in Odessa, was one of the first books of contemporary poetry I ever read, lent to me by a friend in college, and I remember being stunned at what poetry could be and do. Deaf Republic stuns in the same way. The poems are incredibly cinematic, telling the story of an occupied town and its people and a couple who fall in love. When a young, deaf boy is shot by the soldiers, the entire town pretends deafness in rebellion, finding excuses to not understand the soldiers. They bear witness to the boy’s death and honor his life. Though a fictional town, the call to political action, to really see those who are being oppressed and stand for justice with them, is resonant for any time and place. Plus, Ilya writes the most beautiful love poems.

3. Another cinematically-inclined poetry book is GennaRose Nethercott’s The Lumberjack’s Dove. In this long poem/myth/fable, a lumberjack accidentally cuts off his hand, which turns into a dove, and then a story parts ways. The lumberjack is not just a lumberjack and the hand-turned-dove is not just a hand-turned-dove, and the story visits both an operating room and a witch, and the story, of course, is one you've heard before and one that brings surprise and wonder to the telling. I simply adored it.

"Living creatures believe they own something as soon as they love it. They refuse to believe otherwise, no matter how many times a beloved vanishes."

4. I fell in love—hard—with The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller and her exquisite, queer love story between Achilles and Patroclus. Miller’s writing is wonderful and after reading her novel Circe as well—another fantastic retelling of Greek myths—I spent the remainder of the year searching for a novel that compared.

5. Some books meet you in the right moment. The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating by Elisabeth Tova Bailey is a slow and attentive book on small things, which in 2020’s period of waiting and uprootedness was a gift. Due to chronic illness, Bailey finds herself confined to a bed with little to do. Her friend brings her a potted plant and a snail whose pace of life, matching her own, becomes a comfort and lessons her loneliness. As she watches, she learns intimately the snail's eating and sleeping habits, its daily adventures, and the conditions it best thrives in. Later she delves into the literature and science of gastropods and weaves her notes in with her own observations and stories of the snail. Her writing is light and funny and holds such tenderness for this very small creature.

"In the History of Animals, Aristotle noted that snail teeth are 'sharp, and small, and delicate.' My snail possessed around 2,640 teeth, so I'd add the word plentiful to Aristotle's description....With only thirty-two adult teeth, which had to last the rest of my life, I found myself experiencing tooth envy toward my gastropod companion. It seemed far more sensible to belong to a species that had evolved natural tooth replacement than to belong to one that had developed the dental profession. Nonetheless, dental appointments were one of my favorite adventures, as I could count on being recumbent. I could see myself settling into the dental chair, opening my mouth for my dentist, and surprising him with a human-sized radula."

6. Insecurity System by Sara Wainscott was one of my favorite books published in 2020. The poems in it make up four crowns—a series of sonnets in which the last line of each poem becomes the first line (or an echo of it) of the next. The playfulness of the form as well as the topics give the book an energy: Sara muses on time travel, levitation, memory, flowers ("people who read poems know a rose / is how the poet drags in genitalia"), motherhood, Mars, and mythical transformations (children tell their mothers they have turned to seals “and it is true”). Sara is funny and wry, and yet she also captures some difficult emotions of grief and depression, a struggle with complacency amid daily obligations “Sentences become drawn out affairs / but I am doing what I can / to answer one word each day.” The poems move from the mundane to a hard feeling and then onward to wonder and a bit of the fantastical, which I guess is just how life goes—I love how these emotions are all rolled together and always shifting.

7. Asiya Wadud’s powerful long poem Syncope is one I’ve returned to often throughout the year. She tells the story of 72 refugees who fled Tripoli in an inflatable boat in 2011 and were stranded for 14 days, despite the presence of 38 maritime vessels who could have rescued them, but didn’t. Instead, only 11 passengers survived. Syncope is both an indictment against those who did not act and a eulogy for the dead, returning humanity to people who were deemed not worth saving but who were “luminous in that / we were each born under the / fabled light of some star.”

“We began as 72 ascendants by that I mean we were a collective many each bound for greatness merely in the fact that we were each still living”

8. Eula Biss’s Having and Being Had is a thoughtful and exploratory conversation about capitalism and its effects on what we do and how we think. In a series of short vignettes, Eula picks apart what consumption, work, accounting, and investment mean on a personal and everyday level (albeit a white, middle class level). Who defines value among boys trading Pokemon cards and how did Monopoly's origins in economic injustice shift to pride in bankrupting players and if one of Eula's favorite things about being a new house owner is easy access to a laundry machine, is her house merely a $400,000 container for one washer and dryer? Her essays bounce from work that is valued, unseen or shamed; the perceptions and realities of being poor or rich; our approach to gift-giving and art-making and pleasure—weaving together research, observations, and conversations with friends.

9. In Grief Sequence, poet Prageeta Sharma’s grieves the loss of her husband in a kind of journal, tracing the memories of his diagnosis, the hard and normal days, the days before diagnosis, and the days after he is gone during which she tries to make sense of her new reality: “How gauche it is to be in this body being unseen by you now,” she writes. “You are not you anymore and I am trying to understand how a human with feelings has disappeared.” Her writing is excellent but it is hard to sit with and next to her pain, and it makes me wonder: when does one read such a book? When you’ve also lost a beloved to cancer? To be in conversation with someone who has, with Prageeta? Do you read for the sake of the living or to honor a body who was once here? Prageeta writes, “Poetry and grief are the same: you are taught to care about it when it happens to you.” I don’t know who to recommend this book to, but it spoke to me, and I’m glad she wrote it, as a monument, of sorts, to a specific togetherness and to a person.

10. The Lives of the Monster Dogs by Kirsten Bakis is a strange and sweet book about a race of genetically-engineered dogs, created initially to be soldiers, who move to New York in the ‘90s while still holding onto the customs and dress of nineteenth-century Prussia, which is to say: I don't know if I ever would have picked this book up had a friend not recommended it. Told through news clippings, letters, journal entries, an opera(!), and the first-person account of a human who befriends them, their story has echoes of Frankenstein as the monster dogs reflect on their creator and what it is to be human, to have purpose and hope, to wrestle with a clouded past and an uncertain future. "It's a terrible thing to be a dog and know it," writes one monster dog scholar after some of the dogs begin to revert back to their primal state. I loved the varied forms, the piecing together of the dog’s history, and the surreal mark they left in the book’s world and my world.

For more books throughout the year, follow along on Instagram at book.wreck.

[sillydg]

Unexpected partners in crime

Book: Open Heart, book 2 (Chapter 8, baseball game.)

Ratings : 18+

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Elisabeth Sarah Hughes (Liz))

Word count: 1700

Summary: During the break of the baseball game, Liz decides it’s time to play a bit dirty and teams up with Tobias while doing so.

A/N: I always loved this scene! But i thought it was missing something. I love the dynamics between Tobias and Liz (My MC) and I hope I did it some justice.

A/N: I'm sorry in advantage for my dirty mind! You will probably see it in al my writings.

A/N: First time ever sharing some fanfiction with the world, so super nervous and if you might read this. Thank you! Thank You! Thank you! You're the best and please share your thoughts.

A/N: So English is NOT my first language. I did the best I could do and used some grammar programs. So forgive me. I’m still learning! Please feedback is always welcome!

A/N: Special thanks to @jerzwriter who inspired me to start writing again. Thanks for all the tips and for being patient with answering my many questions and weird thoughts. Thank you for being such an amazing writer. You are such an inspiration and such a warm soul.

A/N: Please keep in mind that Ethan and Liz know each other's likes and dislikes. Neither of them feels obligated or is afraid to speak his/her mind.

Warnings for this short: Some dirty words, flirting with implied sexual motivations, it gets just a bit rough at the end, a bit implied smut, (Please, if I forget a warning, please do warn me! I’m not really familiar with all the terms yet). Do not read this if you’re under 18.

A/N: Characters and some dialogue owned by Pixelberry.

Unexpected partners in crime.

The Umpire blows her whistle. “Well time for a break, everyone! We’ll start again in thirty minutes.”

Elisabeth walks towards the coolers, stalled out at the edge of the field. They are filled with some cold beers and bottles of water. Even though she definitely could use a cold one right now, she decides to play it safe.

She grabs a bottle of water and gulps it down, before grabbing seconds. Opening her bottle she sits down onto one of the benches in the dug-out and relaxes a bit.

She let her gaze drift over the field and thought about how happy she was that she was able to practice a little bit last night with the guys, because, damn she just pitched the shit out of Kenmore.

Her gaze drifts off to Ethan, who is talking to Naveen and she feels a pang in her chest. The fact that he was here to play, just because she asked, gave her heart a sparkle of hope. She sighs. Maybe she was reading into it too much, though.

“Keeping your head in the game, huh? I can get behind that.”

Elisabeth snaps out of her thoughts and looks straight into the eyes of Tobias.

“Huh, what?”

Tobias bumps his waterbottle into hers. ‘Cheers, dear. So, may I sit down, Liz? Or should I leave you and you’re thoughts alone?”

She starts to chuckle “Since when do you need my permission to do anything, Carrick?”

He moves his hand to his heart. “Ooh, just my last name. That stings a little. So severe.”

“Well, I’m not making the mistake of getting cocky or sloppy around you again, Carrick. So you’re surname and water it is.”

“Well, then it is a good thing that I’m open for suggestions when it comes to other mistakes you could make around me. Or with me. Or under me. Or..”

Liz lets out a snort. “I get the idea, Carrick. Wasn’t that position already filled in by June, anyway?”

A surprising look appears on Tobias's face. “She told you about that?”

Liz shrugs casually. “Nah, I suspected it. But it's good to know that my observant skills are spot on as usual. Which means you need to up you’re game if you want to hide things from me, Carrick.”

And she gives his leg a playful smack.

Tobias starts to laughs; “Ouch" He rubs his hand dramatically over his leg.

"I thought this was merely a mental fight, Liz. Don't get me wrong, I love a good spank, but maybe we should do that in a more private setting next time. So, you getting psychical with me is strike two. Strike three is out.”

Liz cocks up an eyebrow and she laughs.

“Well, you know better than anyone else what happens when you reach strike three right? It was about thirty minutes ago when I heard a certain umpire say 'Three strikes, you're out', followed by a pissed-off look on that handsome face of yours. God, I kicked your ass so hard."

Tobias bounces his shoulder into hers. “Aaaaand that’s strike three, miss. Kicking a man when he is down. Damn, that’s low. Though I like the fact that you just called me handsome. I wonder what Ethan would think of that.”

Liz frowns her brow. “Ethan?” And she follows Tobias's gaze towards the field. Ethan was still talking to Naveen but was clearly distracted at the sight of them sitting together. Even from this distance, she could see the annoyance on his face.

Tobias smirks and moves his head back towards Liz “So, I guess the position of making mistakes with you, is also taken?”

Liz starts to laugh. A little bit surprised by her own reaction, she bumps her shoulder into Tobias's.

“That wasn’t an answer to my question, dear.”

“Well, maybe I’m the smart one of the two of us, Carrick. I like to play my cards close to my chest.”

Tobias starts laughing. “That might be so, dear, but I don’t think Ethan is going to be that smart when he looks all flustered like that.” He nods towards the field and she sees Ethan stomping towards them.

Liz, not sure what to do, stands up and Tobias follows her example with the biggest smirk she has ever seen. She takes a good look at him, captivated by his smile as she notices a mischief twinkle in his eyes. He leans forward and whispers in her ear. “Let’s see how far we can take this, shall we?”

Liz starts smiling. This was such a bad idea. But was it that bad though? When Ethan returned from the Amazon, he made it very clear that they could never be anything more than a boss and his employee.

But his pushing and pulling over the past few months showed otherwise. He is not fighting fair, so why should she? This could be her chance to stir things up a little. And Tobias might be just the right person to push his buttons with.

Ethan's pace was quick and firm as he was clearly not amused.

Tobias puts on a broad smile. “Ethan, how nice of you to join us.” He drapes his arm casually overLiz's shoulders. "We were just talking about you."

Ethan moves his attention directly to Liz. “Are you all right? Is this man bothering you? Because I’m happy to show him the door.”

His gaze flickers between her face and the arm of Tobias still resting on her shoulders.

Liz feels her heart pounding. Is she really going to do this?

“Actually, I think I just showed everyone, including Tobias here, that I can kick his ass very well myself. So,no need to rescue me, Dr. Ramsey.”

Tobias grins at her words. “Still ouch, Liz.”

Liz gives him a shove with her elbow.

Ethan was clearly not pleased with this little gesture of teasing and she sees his fists clenching.

Gaining some confidence, she looks him straight in the eye and bats her eyelashes innocently at him.

“Actually, Tobias and I were just talking about a position that’s going to be available very soon. And to be honest, it sounds very appealing.”

Tobias tries to keep a straight face, but it's getting harder and harder as the look on Ethan's face grows sterner with every word she says. Where has this woman been all his life?

Ethan eyes both of them suspiciously. “Right. A position? Rookie. Are you thinking about leaving Edenbrook?”

She felt a shiver running down her spine at the strict tone of his voice. She recognizes it as a clear warning. One she usually listens to. Usually.

“Well, no. It’s not the kind of position that would compromise my work at Edenbrook. It going to be easy to combine with the diagnostic team. So, as my boss, and only my boss, there is nothing to worry about.”

His brow furrowed, head-turning even more red, when the real meaning of her words downs on him.

Ethan deepens his voice. “So I see, Elisabeth, it’s going to be some late-night research. At Kenmore's.”

Tobias is still eying both oft hem. He smirks and enjoys the show. Damn, this woman got some balls.

Liz catches Ethan’s eyesand she sees his jaw tighten. He never calls her by her full first name. This was clearly his last warning.

She tries to ignore the weak feeling in her knees. It’s too late to back out now. She straightens her back and tries to answer as casually as possible.

“Well yeah, you know how these things work. It might take a few all-nighters to figure out what kind of techniques we can use for the best results, maybe some adjusting here and there. Later on, maybe extend the research a little bit to other areas. Fine-tuning is important, but it’s always exciting to experiment a bit, you know? But let's not get ahead of ourselves, right Tobias?”

She keeps ahold of Ethan's gaze. Doctor 'always calm and collected' is clearly having a hard time keeping his actual cool.

Is he jealous?

Is he seriously jealous right now?

Tobias, who also notices the struggle on Ethan’s face, decides to give the last push. He pulls Liz close and moves her face towards his with a finger. “Actually, Liz, if you got the time, I would like to discuss some terms with you. We have still twenty minutes before the game starts and I know a quiet place where we can..”

At that moment Liz feels a hand tighten around her wrist, pulling her out of the embrace of Tobias. Her eyes meet Ethans again and she can see a fire burning.

“Not going to happen,Carrick.” His voice is low and strict.

He now grabs Liz’s hand and drags her away from the duck-out.

“Ehm, Ethan?”

“You’re not listening to me, Elisabeth Sarah Hughes.”

Oh, I’m in trouble alright.

She looks back at Tobias whose smirking and sticking up his thumb.

Ethan leads her towards the clubhouse, which is practically abandoned until the game is over, and moves her towards the dressing room.

He starts to undress and even though Liz enjoys the show, she is still not sure what’s going on.

“Ethan?”

He pulls his shirt over his head and throws it in the corner.

“Uhm Ethan?”

He drops his pants onto the floor.

“Dr. Ethan Jonah Ramsey.”

Ethan freezes with his hands on his underwear, ready to take them off.

His eyes snap up and he drops his boxer. Then he turns around disappears into the shower area.

“You coming, Rookie? We only have ten minutes left and I believe I have a position to apply for. "

Liz is stunned.

What just happened?

The sound of running water breaks the silence.

Liz snaps out of her thoughts and she starts to undress.

“I hope you’ve came prepared, I’m known for my high demands.”

“Rookie. I can only show you if you get in here! And believe me. I have no intention of leaving you unsatisfied.”

Her head snaps up at his last comment.

“Coming!”

And with a smirk, she disappears into the shower.

----------------------

Permatag: @jerzwriter @openheartfanfics @choicesficwriterscreations