#i was rewatching the bowling game today i miss them so much

[junmyeoneyesmile]

things exo say that seems like fake subs but aren’t [1/∞]

[jakesimfromstatefarm]

not jealous | jake sim

summary: jake sim is not a jealous person. at least that's what he tells himself. so why does he find himself going through your phone when a certain "bluejay park" decides to text you?

pairing: jake sim x y/n [ft. mentions of jay park]

genre: angst, fluff 

warnings: angst, cursing (very minimal), one slightly suggestive sentence, jake being cute, some more angst lol, slightly cheesy bc jake’s just too cute ugh

wc: 3.8k

a/n: ok i loved writing this, which is why i went on to almost 4k words LOL oops. but anyways, i love jake a little too much and this type of scenario has been running around in my head for a while now so i decided to put it into words. also i may have created this blog just so i could post this somewhere LMAO anyways yeah this was my first fic so hope you guys enjoyyyy <3

Jake Sim is not a jealous person.

At least that's what he tells himself. To be fair, in his past relationships, he never showed any jealously. Then again, he doesn't know if he can call those relationships, "relationships". Does a fifth grade relationship with a girl who he was once dared to kiss during a game of Truth or Dare in the basement of a classmate's house during their 11th birthday party count? He doesn't remember being jealous when the same girl was later dared to kiss his classmate, Sunghoon. (Funny enough, that's how the two boys came to be best friends 'til this day, but that's a story for another time.) 

But really, Jake doesn't think jealously is one of his traits, even if he's now almost 20 years old without any experience with love other than his current relationship with you and that short-lived romance in the fifth grade. (What was her name again? Jake would have to ask Sunghoon later.)

So he doesn't know what clicked in that brain of his that lead him to this current situation he was in. He doesn't know why he felt a little spark of anger in him when your phone, which you left right next to him on the couch while you went to take a shower, kept buzzing with texts from "bluejay park". He doesn't know why he couldn't kept his eyes distracted from the messages, although your phone was constantly lighting up because whatever it was Jay had to say to you, he would not shut up about it. He doesn't know why he questioned what your relationship with Jay was for a split second.

In fact, you're close with all of Jake's friends. That's one of his favorite things about you, you get along so well with all his friends you might as well replace Jake himself in the friend group. So he doesn't know what tells him to take a little glance at your phone—at the messages.

But he finds himself doing it anyways.

Hearing that the water in the shower was still running (you were always the type to take long showers), he quickly grabs your phone and scrolls through the lock screen just to find that he couldn't even read the messages since you had your notifications set so no one could read them unless the phone was unlocked (darn you and your settings!) Thankfully, Jake knew your passcode––and you knew his too––or he thought he did. Until the iPhone vibrated, telling him the passcode was wrong.

He must've entered it too fast or something. So he tries again.

And again.

And again.

Until the iPhone switches its screen to say: "iPhone is disabled. Try again in 5 minutes."

There's no way. You never change your password. And even if you did, you would tell him—you two even had each other's fingerprints saved into each other's phones in the past (you know, before the world decided that Apple's home button was too lame and decided to just completely get rid of it). If there was an option to save multiple faces for Face ID, you two would be that couple that saved each others faces in your own phones.

That being said, Jake sat there, your phone in hand, frozen. Why was your phone locked? Why was Jay texting you 10 texts per second? Why did he feel guilty about this entire situation?

He hears the shower switch off and in that moment, he swears he feels his heart beat just a little faster. He tells himself there's no way you'll be out before the 5 minutes are up. You followed a really meticulous skincare routine (one that Jake memorized by now) that took an extra 15 minutes of your time after each shower.

"Hey Jake?" Your voice calls out from the tiny bathroom door crack that you left open before you hopped in the shower, "Is my phone out there? Do you mind bringing it to me?"

Fuck.

Jake shifts on the couch. Taps his foot on the ground. Returns your phone to its original spot. Clears his throat.

"Don't you want to get dressed first?" he calls back, quite timidly.

He can hear you stop moving around in the bathroom. Probably telling yourself what an odd response that was. To be fair, it was an odd question, considering the fact that you two have been together for so long, it’s not like he hasn’t seen you undressed before...intentionally or not. 

Next thing he knows, the steam is rolling out of the bathroom door and you're stepping out in your towel, eyebrows raised.

"If you didn't want to get up from the couch, you could've just said so, you lazy butt," you smirk at him as you walk towards him and the couch, leaving a faint trail of water drops behind you. Jake's eyes follow your figure as you go to grab your phone and lift the screen towards yourself.

That's when he freezes. You do too.

You cock your head, as if asking yourself why it was disabled. He can hear the gears in your head turning.

"Jake, did you try to unlock my phone?"

He runs through all the possible excuses he could blurt out. Come on Jake, think of something! But he knows he can't lie to you.

Too many beats of silence pass by.

"Maybe," he finally says—or more like murmurs. He looks up to you like a child looking up at their mom, who just them caught stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. To his surprise, you don't show any hint of anger. A flash of confusion—and is that worry he sees?—crosses your face for a split second before you shrug and turn towards your room to change, dropping the subject. It was natural for you two to use each other's phones anyways. So then why did you have that look of worry?

Jake knows you well, a little too well. But that's what you love about him. He can easily read all your emotions. One of the many things he picked up from dating you for almost two years now. But why would you care if he tried to get into your phone? Why would that worry you? All the possibilities run through head and his own worry begins to increase. He trusts you. He does.

So then why does the thought bother him throughout the entire day? Why does he bring it up during dinner later that night, when you're both cuddled on your sofa, slurping take-out ramen while rewatching your favorite k-drama under the thick blanket that you always keep in your living room for nights like these?

"Huh? Of course I've heard from Jay today, we had that conversation about that stupid meme you boys kept laughing about in the groupchat we're all in, didn't we?" You answer him when he asks if you've heard from Jay lately. You sit up from your warm spot under Jake's arm to put your empty bowl on the coffee table in front of you. When you lean back, you look up at him,

"Why do you ask?"

"Oh, it's nothing, just wondering," he says, avoiding your eyes by keeping his own trained on the series currently playing on your TV. This would be your third time rewatching this series together. He would never complain to you though, he knows how much you love it and if he were being honest, he was secretly attached to the characters—not that he would ever tell you, he would never hear the end of it from you and the boys.

"You're being weird. Just tell me, or did you forget that I can practically read your mind," you say with a giggle and shove to his side, the one you were currently warmly cuddled into. Jake wasn't the only one who learned how to read emotions; you could read him just as well as he could read you. And like you, that's one of the many things he loved about you. But maybe not in this case.

He toyed around with the contents inside his ramen bowl with his chopsticks.

"I just..." God, how does he word this? Why was he having trouble explaining it? You were the easiest person to talk to. To him, you were the only person he could tell everything to.

"Jaywastextingyouabunchearlier," he blurts out quickly, but not quickly enough for you to miss it.

He feels you shift under his arm. He feels the air in the room shift. Tension.

"What?" Now you're sitting upright, legs criss-crossed in front of you on the couch but turned, so your body is completely facing him. He mirrors you, sitting up to put his ramen bowl next to yours on the surface, but he stays facing the TV.

"Your phone kept going off because of him when you were showering," he says with a little more confidence. But inside, he was nervous as hell, the same nervous as when he asked you out for the first time many moons ago. But it's too late to back out now, he brought it up first, anyways. Guess we're having this conversation now, good going Jake!

"Is that why you tried unlocking my phone earlier? I mean I thought you were just trying to leave selfies on my phone like you always do but you were trying to read my texts?" You question, slightly raising your soft voice. He doesn't know how to react, he hates confrontation.

"It wasn't like that, Jay just kept spamming you and like I—why was he even texting you in the first place? Then your phone got disabled because you changed your password, which you never do by the way, so I–"

"I changed it because my little sister kept getting into my phone when I went to visit my family yesterday! Did you really think I was hiding something from you? You know I can text whoever I want, right? You don't own me."

Okay so now he's managed to make you angry. Good going Jake, part 2!

"Okay but what does Jay need from you so bad that he has to send you like 50 messages at once?" He's standing now. So are you, eyebrows furrowed together as you collect your bowls from the table.

Standing there, bowls in hand, you say, "Jake, that's none of your business! It wasn't even that big of a deal, I don't know why you felt the need to nosy around."

"Well, if he's texting you non-stop, then obviously it's a big deal! We wouldn't even be having this conversation if you would just tell me what you guys were talking about," he murmurs back, eyes narrowing. You scoff as you trail into your kitchen. He follows behind and stops at the other side at your kitchen island as you place the dirty dishes into the sink.

"No, we're having this conversation because you obviously don't trust me! It doesn't matter what we were talking about, it doesn't matter who I was texting! I could be texting your mother and I shouldn't have to tell you what we were talking about! That's why we're having this conversation," you say as you turn back to face him from the other end.

He hates this. He hates fighting with you (which is a very, very rare occasion). He hates that you think he doesn't trust you. He hates his insecurity eating at him, telling him to keep questioning you on why you and Jay were talking in the first place. He was aware that you were close with his friends, but it wasn't until the texts he realized just how close you are with them. It's not that he didn't trust you, he just didn't know how to act when it came to you and other guys. God knows how he got lucky enough to meet you, let alone date you, so the thought of him losing you to someone else actually terrified him. Not only were you his first real relationship, but he wanted you to be his first and only one in life. You were it for him.

"Why did he text you." He deadpans from his side of the kitchen.

You scoff with a hint of exasperation. "You're kidding me."

You stare at him. He stares back, quirking an eyebrow, as if restating the same question back, as if testing you.

You're fuming now. Why was he making it so hard? Why was he doubting you? Out of frustration, you start laughing, which scares him. That can't be good.

"Fine. You wanna know so bad? Take a look,"  you're one tone level away from screaming as you take your phone out of your pocket, unlock it, and open up your conversation with "bluejay park", sliding the phone across the island to reach him.

Jake stares at the phone which now lies there, unlocked, facing him. Isn't this what he wanted? It is, right? That's why he started this dreaded argument with you in the first place.

Then why does he feel so fucking awful?

He looks back up at you, to see you sighing and looking up at the ceiling, as if trying to force your forming tears back into your eyes.

Yup, he feels horrible.

"Happy? Happy to know we were just trying to plan a surprise birthday party for you but you and your jealously just had to know huh, Jake?" You quickly state, voice cracking, as you tried not to choke up. You weren't sad that he found out about the surprise. You were sad that it felt like he didn't trust you. That he thought you were the type of person to do god knows what behind his back. You hated the feeling of not being trusted. Especially by Jake, of all people.

"Fuck."

Jake's face (and heart) falls with the most broken expression you've ever seen. But you're too sad, angry, tired (a mix of all?) to care. Your only goal right now is to not let him see you cry.

You hurry past him, across your apartment, and into your bedroom, slamming the door behind you, leaving behind a shocked, and regretful, Jake.

His heart shrinks when he hears the door slam shut and a little more when he looks down at the still unlocked phone in front of him. He didn't have the heart in him to look at it anymore. Of course he trusted you, he knew what you said was the truth.

He mentally screams at himself for assuming the worst––for thinking that you, a literal angel, would betray him.  First, he thought he was losing you to someone else. Now, he was afraid he just lost you through his own actions. 

He hesitantly sulks over to your door, softly knocking when he reaches it.

"Y/N?"

No response.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry. I didn't know, I let my—”

"Jake just please leave me alone for now," he hears you painfully say from a distance, meaning you're on your bed. He knows the door's unlocked—the lock on your door hasn't been working for a long time now, despite the many times he tells you to talk to your landlord about it. But he doesn't find it in him to open it. He knows he messed up. If he saw you in there right now, crying, he wouldn't know what to do. He wouldn't know what he would to do himself, knowing he was the reason behind your tears.

He nods in silence, knowing you can't see him, but does so anyways and returns to his spot on the couch. He could leave right now, go back to the dorm with the rest of the guys, let you have your space like you wanted. But his heart hurts at the idea of leaving you sad, angry, or a combination of both. He can't leave this unresolved. He fucked up, he has to fix it.

And so he sits on your couch for another hour. The clock on the wall behind him continues to tick as the silent tension in your apartment continues to grow. When it hits 11pm and he's sure you've slumbered off into sleep, he quietly enters your room.

He can see your figure in the dark, your back facing the door as you're curled up into yourself under the comforter. He feels his heart drop a little more when he imagines you crying in that position from earlier. He slowly peels the comforter open and gets into his side of the bed, careful not to bother your sleeping figure.

Laying there, staring up at the ceiling, he's never felt more like a stranger in your bed. It's not that he hasn't slept over before, god knows he's probably slept over at your place more than he has in his own bed. But right now, in this moment, he just felt awful. Like he didn't deserve to be in such close proximity to you. How could he be deserving? He violated your privacy, made you feel like you weren't trusted, doubted your relationship.

These thoughts run through Jake's head as he stares up at your ceiling fan, wishing he could turn back time to a few hours ago, before he checked your phone, before he let his insecurities get to the best of him.

You can feel the dip he makes in the bed behind you when he gets in. Of course you're not asleep. There's no way sleep could reach you when you had the recent events constantly replaying in your head like a broken record.

You knew Jake with all your heart. You didn't have to look at him to know he was probably laying there, hurt, staring up at the ceiling, drafting what to say once you wake up—or once he knows you're actually still awake.

You decide to break the tension by turning to lay on your other side, facing him.

You were wrong. Thanks to the little sliver of moonlight shining through your sheer curtains, you can see him, now laying on his side, already looking at you with so much regret in his eyes. You can almost hear the cracks in your heart physically forming.

His eyes widen when he realizes you're still awake. He opens his mouth to say something, but not before you quickly shift over to his side of the bed and embrace him in a tight hold, burying your face into his chest. Without any hesitation, he returns the gesture, arms holding your body as close to him as possible. As if once he let go, he'd lose you forever.

He lets out a sigh of relief as he breathes you in. He didn't even know he was holding his breath all this time.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry Y/N," he mutters into your hair. He feels his hoodie getting wet from where you buried your face. He pulls you closer, if that's even possible, feeling his own eyes heating up with sadness. He would never forgive himself for making you feel this way.

"You know I trust you right? Please know that. I shouldn't have assumed the worst when I saw your phone. I...I let my insecurities get to the best of me."

You move your head from its home on his chest to look up at him, as if asking him to elaborate. This was new to you, you didn't know he held insecurities in your relationship. But it wasn't because of you, no, you were his entire world. Losing you meant losing everything.

Jake's never been the best at saying his feelings. That's why it took him so long (with the help of his six best friends) to finally confess how he felt about you. He was afraid of letting people in if they could easily walk out. Maybe that's why he never let anyone into his life before you. But oh, were you an exception. The second he met you, he knew he was fucked. But thank god he did, because thanks to you, he's been able to be more open, more vulnerable. He's able to talk to you about anything and everything. He doesn't have that same fear of losing people anymore, not when he has you in his life to reassure him every step of the way. But right now, in this moment, he doesn't know how to tell you that his new fear was, in fact, just losing you.

The sheer idea of you not being a part of his life anymore terrified him. 

"I hope you know you're never going to lose me Jake, if that's what you're insecure about," you softly mutter as you wrap your free arm that's not stuck in between both your bodies around him to gently play with the ends of his hair. It's as if you could read his mind, he loves that you know him so well.

"It just sucks that you could even think I would ever do something as awful as what you were assuming...with one of your closest friends nonetheless," you continue.

"I know. I know, and I feel terrible. I'm so sorry. I know you would never do anything remotely close to that, and I know you would never intentionally try to keep anything from me," he sighs. He shifts so he can lie down on his back, bringing you with him to lie on his chest, never letting you go once. "It's just...I just don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you Y/N. Everyday, I ask myself what heroic thing I must've done in my past life to deserve this life with you and I can't help but think you could just as easily be stripped away from me."

As much as your heart breaks listening to him rant, you feel your love for him grow even more. You knew how hard it was for him to put his true emotions into words, and him telling you this reminded you how much trust he had in you.

After some moments of silence, moments of him drawing random shapes onto your back, moments of you two just holding each other like it was the end of the world, you speak up.

"I love you. I'm sorry for making you doubt yourself—"

"No, it's not your fault, I can't help but think things like that. I just don't know what I did to deserve you, and I know that I need to be mo–"

"Babe let me finish," you say with a little giggle in your tone. He immediately stops and mutters a little "sorry". How cute, you tell yourself.

"I was gonna say," you look back up at him so you're making direct eye contact now. "You're the only one that's ever on my mind, Jake. I can't help the way you think, but I can assure you that there is no one else I would rather be with. And I mean that for the rest of life."

You snuggle back into the comfortable hoodie he's currently wearing (you make a mental note to yourself to steal it from him later) and decide to ease the tension,

"So you're stuck with me for life, sorry to inform you Mr. Sim."

Jake lets out a laugh, looking down at you to see you returning his smile with a cheeky one.

"I love you. So much," he says so sincerely, so genuinely, that you almost tear up again from how content you were. Now you were asking yourself, what did you do to deserve him?

Jake Sim is not a jealous person.

No, he just loves you.

A lot.

[willowgast]

tag game time!

i was tagged by the lovely @contre-qui, with the aim of tagging nine people to learn about their interests - i'm unlikely to find that many people myself but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it! going under the cut because this is a pretty long(ish) one.

music!

fave genre a little bit of everything but right now especially medieval folk & pop rock

fave artist a strange mixture of måneskin, kraftklub, siames, cavetown, and rainbow kitten surprise

fave song hard choice, but probably 'brothers' by siames & eddy capparelli

most listened to song recently either 'coraline' by måneskin or 'king orfeo' from the child ballads

song currently stuck in your head 'happy pills' by weathers

five fave lyrics oh boy, this is gonna take some thought.

"called to the devil and the devil said / hey! why you been calling this late? / it's like 2a.m. and the bars all close at ten in hell, that's a rule i made / anyway, you say you're too busy saving everybody else to save yourself / and you don't want no help, oh well / that's the story to tell" ('it's called: freefall' by rainbow kitten surprise)

"today i coo, today i caw / i have a pistol party and i kill 'em all / i think i might be scared / of the man and the men with their hands inside / and the women, oh, the women all they do is cry / and i, well i lose my mind" ('little pistol' by mother mother)

"so did you pack your bag, or did somebody pack it for you? / take me to the sad, sad party that you're bound to / whether you're a 'have-not' or a 'have', i got a question / are you living dead, or is this some kind of possession?' ('blast doors' by everything everything)

"but what if i run out of fertiliser? / what if the clouds run out of rain? what if lemon boy won't grow no longer? what if beaches dry of sugar cane?" ('lemon boy' by cavetown)

"now they tell you that you're their muse / yeah, they're so inspired / but where were they when they called your name / and they lit the fire? / when the voices came, you cut your hair / but you're stilled confused" ('joan of arc' by arcade fire)

books!

fave book genre fantasy all the way

fave writer bernardine evaristo, leigh bardugo, madeline miller

fave book oh dear, here we go. 'circe' by madeline miller, 'six of crows' and 'crooked kingdom' by leigh bardugo, 'girl, woman, other' by bernardine evaristo, 'good omens' by neil gaiman & terry pratchett, 'the raven cycle' series by maggie stiefvater, 'oranges are not the only fruit' by jeanette winterson, and a whole lot of old norse literature of dubious authorship (but especially 'gisla saga' and 'hrafnkels saga freysgoða', and pretty much all of the eddic poems in the volsung cycle)

fave book series it's a tie between leigh bardugo's grishaverse novels and maggie stiefvater's 'the raven cycle'

comfort book 'the secret kingdom' by jenny nimmo

rainy day book any of my norse books, sagas or poetry

fave characters nina zenik in the grishaverse, ronan lynch in 'the raven cycle', gisli in 'gisla saga' (not sure if that counts as a character or historical figure, dependent on perspective...?), and circe in, y'know, 'circe'

five quotes from your fave books?

"i thought once that gods are the opposite of death, but i see now they are more dead than anything, for they are unchanging, and can hold nothing in their hands" ('circe' by madeline miller)

"'spreader of swords, it is your own sons' / corpse-bloody hearts you've chewed up with honey, / proud man, you've consumed dead men's meat, / eating it as ale-dainties, sending it to the high seat' [...] with the point of a blade she gave the bed a bloody drink, / with a hel-keen hand, and set the dogs free; / she woke the servants, and in front of the hall-door / she flung a burning brand: she paid them back for her brothers. / to the fire she gave everyone who was inside, / who'd come from myrkheim after murdering gunnar and his men; / the ancient timbers fell, the temples smoked, / the buildings burned of budli's kin, and the shield-maids inside; / their lives stemmed, sinking into hot flames." (gudrun avenges her brother in 'atlakviða', a poem in the old norse poetic and elder eddas)

"you aren't a flower, you're every blossom in the wood blooming at once. you are a tidal wave. you're a stampede. you are overwhelming." ('crooked kingdom' by leigh bardugo)

"from the passenger seat, ronan began to swear at adam. it was a long, involved swear, using every forbidden word possible, often in compound-word form. as adam stared at his lap, penitent, he mused that there was something musical about the ronan when he swore, a careful and loving precision to the way he fit the words together, a black-painted poetry. it was far less hateful sounding than when he didn't swear." ('the raven cycle' by maggie stiefvater)

"but where was god now, with heaven full of astronauts, and the lord overthrown? i miss god. i miss the company of someone utterly loyal. i still don't think of god as my betrayer. the servants of god, yes, but servants by their very nature betray. i miss god who was my friend. i don't even know if god exists, but i do know that if god is your emotional role model, very few human relationships will match up to it. i have an idea that one day it might be possible, i thought once it had become possible, and that glimpse has set me wandering, trying to find the balance between earth and sky. if the servants hadn't rushed in and parted us, i might have been disappointed, might have snatched off the white samite to find a bowl of soup." ('oranges are not the only fruit' by jeanette winterson)

hardcover or paperback | buy or rent | standalone novels or book series | ebook or physical copy | reading at night or during the day | reading at home or in nature | listening to music while reading or reading in silence | reading in order or reading the ending first | reliable or unreliable narrator | realism or fantasy | one or multiple POVS | judging by the covers or by the summary | rereading or reading just once

tv and movies!

fave tv/movie genre fantasy, travel/road trip & comedy

fave movie the secret life of walter mitty, supernova, any and all ghibli films, scott pilgrim vs. the world, lord of the rings, the how to train your dragon trilogy

comfort movie the lion king (original), how to train your dragon, from up on poppy hill, kiki's delivery service

movie you watch every year elf, howl's moving castle, love simon

fave tv show she-ra and the princesses of power, skam, bee and puppycat (i guess more of a web series than a tv show?), adventure time, the it crowd

comfort tv show adventure time

most rewatched tv show skam, every october without fail

five favourite characters catra (she-ra and the princesses of power), sana (skam original), marceline (adventure time), moss (the it crowd), inej (shadow and bone netflix adaptation)

tv shows or movie | short seasons (8-13 episodes) or full seasons (22 episodes or more) | one episode a week or bingeing | one season or multiple seasons | one part or saga | half hour or one hour long episodes | subtitles on or off | rewatching or watching just once | downloads or watches online

tagging (absolutely no pressure, this is a pretty long one!): @crowcaves, @the-obsidian-soul, @natscbi, @somehowmags, @gabrilearnelle, @clockwords, @starsspace... and that's it, that's as close to nine as i'm getting, but if anyone else just feels like doing it then feel free to consider yourself tagged!

[lostinornes]

And They Were Roommates

A/N

So I have started rewatching New Girl again, and it has just inspired a world of ideas. So please enjoy. Bucky x Sam x Reader. Minor swearing. Teen + Audience.

The alarm buzzed aggressively, the high-pitched screech ringing through your ears and forcing your body to move in the bed. With a heavy yawn, your arm lazily danced across the bedside table. Finally stopping when it found the source, your fingers gripping the phone and finally stopping the noise. Your eyes squinted towards the glaring screen, a few messages from the previous night waiting to be read greeted you, as well as a missed call from an unknown number and a couple of notifications from tinder. Glancing at the time, it was 7 am. Far too early to reply to your friends, let alone random people who you would most likely end up never replying to again. Your hand dropped the phone onto the sheets, your body taking one final stretch before moving to your feet. Sluggishly you moved across to your drawers, pulling out some underwear for the day. Allowing you to begin your morning adventure to the shared bathroom.

Your hand slapped against the shower, forcing the object to spring to life. You decided to brush your teeth first, allowing the water to warm up before forcing yourself into it. “Bucky! Sam! Bathroom Now!” You shouted, throwing your brush down into the sink. You listened to the noises shuffling around the apartment. A few annoyed grunts, doors slamming and finally muffled “What did you do” being shouted by both men.

“Are you crazy? Its 7am, only crazy people shout at 7am!” Bucky huffed, folding his arms across his body. You could tell he had only recently gone to sleep, his eyes heavy with bags. His lower half was covered in pyjama bottoms and his top in a loosely zipped up hoodie. “Who left hair removal cream, next to the toothpaste! They look the same” You held both of the bottles towards the two men. “I could have lost my teeth” You dramatically hissed towards them both. Their bodies recoiling at your words. “I don’t think it works like that?” Sam questioned with a laugh. He had clearly been up for a while. He was dressed in his training gear, and his water bottle half empty already. “I. Could. Have. Lost. My. Teeth” You stressed the point to the pair of them. Almost willing them to just confess now. “Sam said it helps him go faster” Bucky blurted out. Sam’s hand swiftly smashing itself against the others chest. “Shut up. That’s private” Sam snapped at him, smacking him again. “Plus, Bucky asked me to do his back yesterday. It’s his fault”

“Shut up” Bucky shoved his shoulder into Sam, causing Sam’s body to collide with the door frame. A heavy bang created against his landing. You threw the tube of cream towards the pair, snapping them out of their argument. “Well whoever it was, just clean up after yourselves. Now leave” You pointed your finger towards the door, your eyes watching as the pair shuffled away.

After your shower, you quickly threw together an outfit for the day. You didn’t really have any plans, since it was the weekend. But you liked routine, and wanted to feel like you had some form of structure for the day. You let your feet lead you towards the open plan kitchen living room. The apartment had a large sofa, which could comfortable seat around eight people. A coffee table sat in front, which was regularly used as a foot stool and across from that a TV Bucky had managed to get for free hung on the wall. Just behind the sofa and slightly to the left sat the kitchen. There was a large wooden island in the centre of the area, a few stools tucked neatly underneath it. A fridge stood in the corner by Bucky’s bedroom door. The name tag “Steve” thoughtfully written across the front of the metal object. You grabbed your cereal box from the top shelf and a bowl from the cupboard below. Balancing them both against your chest, as you moved to the island.

You sat quietly chewing away, your finger scrolling down your phone as you shoved more food into your mouth. You let your eyes leave the phone, as you heard the bedroom door click open. “Since I can’t sleep because of you, I am having some of your cereal” Bucky huffed, grabbing the box from the counter and pouring some dry into his mouth. “Wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t spend so much time on your hair care and less time on cleaning up after yourself” You cocked your head towards the sink, piled high with mugs and cups from Bucky’s room. “I’m getting to it” He shrugged back, pouring another mouthful in. “What are your plans today?” “Nothing really. I’ve been asked to go out for drinks tonight, but I’m not too sure” You went back to your phone, your eyes rereading a message from someone on tinder. You didn’t really want anything serious right now, but also you were bored and just wanted some attention. If it came with free drinks surely it wouldn’t be too bad? “Wow, you have a date. Good job” Bucky’s hand slapped against your shoulder. Your lips forming a small “Ow”. Sometimes the man with a metal arm forgot just how strong he was. Bucky and Sam had seen you at your relationship highs and lows. Just like you had with them. When you got dumped Bucky sat and watched the whole of the twilight saga with you. He didn’t even moan about how ridiculous the wolves looked. Whereas Sam taught himself dance routines to try and cheer you up. When Sam got ghosted by the girl he had been talking to for 5 months, you and Bucky took him out and got him so drunk he forgot his own name. There was also the time Bucky decided it was time to date again, only to be catfished. So, you and Sam created a whole new drinking game based in the apartment. A mixture of the floor is lava and nominations. “It’s not a date as such…” You turned your phone to Bucky showing him the persons profile. “Just a couple of drinks” You watched as he snatched the phone from your hand, his finger scrolling through the photos. “Really” He asked, holding a group photo in your face. The photo was a group of six people dressed as farm animals, all downing their drinks. “You must be lonely”

“Jheez thanks Buck” You took the phone back off him, and picked up your bowl. You pushed passed him, dropping your bowl into the sink. “You can clean that as well now” You sung back towards him. His eyes glared towards you, keeping full eye contact as poured more cereal into his mouth.

You decided to go tonight. It was only the bar across the street, if anything too serious happened you could easily run away. Plus, if the worse came to worse, you could just shout out the door and Sam and Bucky would be over there in a second. You didn’t make too much of an effort with your outfit. A pair of jeans and a nice shirt hanging off of your shoulders. Your hair just fell naturally, and your face was lightly dusted in makeup. Just enough to give you that extra boost of confidence. A pair of boots sat on your feet, you had made sure they were comfortable enough for you to be able to run away if you had to. “Look at you” Sam whistled as you opened your bedroom door. His body rested against his door frame. “Who’s the lucky person?” “Just a random tinder date” You shrugged, pulling your door shut behind you. “Wait a second” Sam slipped into his room. The sound of fast movements coming from behind the door, before he returned to his previous position. “Be safe” You fumbled as you caught the object he threw in your direction. A small purple latex square glaring at your face, as Sam started to laugh. “Thanks, I’ll use your bed” You smiled back, shoving the condom into your purse. “I would say don’t wait up… but wait until I text please” He just nodded, firing a thumbs up towards you. The bar was nothing spectacular. It was dimly lit, with booth tables scattered around the floor. There was a large wooden bar which covered the centre of the room. The bathrooms sat on either side of the object. You let your eyes scan around the room for your date, a slight sigh of relief when you realised you were there first. Walking over to the bar, you let your body drop onto a stool. Ordering yourself a drink, as you constantly watched your phone. A slight twinge of excitement shooting up your spine, as you saw a message flash up.

Bionic Man 20:08 pm

Where is my jacket?

You rolled your eyes and ignored the message. Continuing to sip on your drink, as you carried on waiting.

Bionic Man 20:20pm

This date must be amazing if you are ignoring my serious issues.

You were now onto your second drink, still waiting for your date to arrive. You opened up tinder, releasing maybe it was time to message them. But when you opened the app you were greeted with something that caused confusion. The person you had arranged the date with was no longer there. The messages no longer existed and the profile was no longer visible to you. You heart sinking as you realised you had been stood up. You didn’t really want the date. Of course, you didn’t. But it still hurt to not be good enough for someone to want to meet up with. You downed your drink and locked your phone again. Holding the glass up, as you waited for another refill. “Right I am sorry to interrupt” Your head turned towards the man storming towards you. Your eyes meeting Bucky’s. He was dressed in a pair of jeans and a tight-fitting dark t-shirt. His hair was slightly slighted and his facial shaped more than it had been recently. “Oh, where is your date? Are they in the bathroom?” “No, just me” You span around dramatically, your hands indicating towards the empty seats either side of you. “What are you so dressed up for?” “Oh well Sam has gone out. So, I decided to go out, you know give this whole meeting new people thing a chance” He stood behind you, looking down on you as you finished another drink. “Do you want a drink? Or do you have to go?”

“Are you buying?” His mouth twisted into a smile, as he moved to the seat next to you. “No, I thought you would buy a drink for the heart broken person” You squeezed your eyes together hoping to push out a few tears, resting your head against his shoulder. Quickly Bucky shoved you away, trying to gain the bartenders attention.

“I don’t buy drinks for sad people” He laughed ordering himself a beer. “This is why you don’t get dates” You huffed, squinting your eyes at him. His mouth releasing a laugh at your reaction. When the bartender returned, he passed your glass back over to him. “My point still stands” You teased back, taking the drink.

“No, I don’t get dates because I spend all my time looking after you” His finger poked into your side, as he took a drink from his beer. “Me” Your hand slapped against your chest in shock. “I think it’s the other way around” “Is that so?” His eyebrow raised, as he shuffled closer to you. His shoulder resting against yours. “Look since I moved in with you, my dating life is non-existent. I thought living with a literal wingman, I would be having a great time!”

“I have been frozen, an assassin and now I’m years older than everyone in this time …and you think you are having a bad time dating?”

“Yes” You replied back, shoving against him. “I do”

“Right, well if that’s how you feel. I am going to leave you to wallow in yourself pity” Bucky took one last long drink from his bottle. His hands rested against the bar, as he began to push himself away. “If you leave me now, you will have to deal with me crying tomorrow. Do you really want that? Do you?”

His hands quickly dropped from the bar, and back to his bottle. A slight smile on his mouth as he held the drink towards you. “It’s still half full you idiot. Now are you buying this round, or are you going to make a war veteran spend all of his money to fill that void in your chest”

[mythiica]

Hi! If you want requests, then I won't hold back !! and I'll bring flowers to your grave! 😹 So may I request some jealous/possessive Lucien smut? (No problem if we need to bath in holy water after reading it...if you know what I mean 😸)

Title: Chubby Bunny ChallengeFandom: Mr. Love Queen’s ChoiceCharacter: LucienGenre: smuttysmutKinks: masturbation, teasing, dirty talk, face fucking/blowjob, marking, possessiveness, cumshot, reverse missionary (?)Warnings: noneIntended Gender Audience: Female Audience Word Count: 2000 wordsPOV: second personOther comments: hi senpai im 5 years late but i hope u like! Merge with: 

“Who would have guessed that our favorite idol and our favorite producer would be competing in a good old fashioned game of Chubby Bunny?”  the host squeals to the camera. 

          You try to wipe the drool with your sleeve to save yourself the embarrassment of rewatching this episode later. Kiro looks the same, mouth filled with marshmallows as he tries his best to say the two words without making a fool of himself. 

         When you agreed to join him as the “guest star,” you did not expect to find yourself sitting in front of a camera playing Chubby Bunny with your best friend. 

         I completely forgot to mention that the theme is old trends! Kiro apologizes before you go live. 

         Now, the two of you are here. 

         You push another marshmallow into your cheeks and gag slightly on it before composing yourself and mouthing “Chuffy bonny–“ 

         The host raises an eyebrow at you. “I’ll let it pass! Kiro, your turn.” 

         Lucien watches this strange episode, with a slight delay, from the comforts of your bedroom. Had he remembered that the recording was happening today, he would have driven from work to the studio to watch you from backstage. 

         However, he does not really mind being at home, because it gives him the freedom to fantasize… So much so, that Lucien slips his hand into his sweatpants to stroke himself slowly. He rolls his fingers over his length and inhales sharply as precum starts to dribble from his tip. Lucien didn’t realize that he had gotten so hard from watching this mildly lewd game, but his ridge begs to be massaged. 

         Every time the camera pans to your face, Lucien imagines that your mouth is filled with his cock. Saliva slips down from the corners of your mouth, but still you continue to fit marshmallows one against another. It is truly a sight and it gives Lucien so many ideas. 

         You beat Kiro by at least five, totaling nearly seventeen marshmallows. Upon attempting the eighteenth, you gag a bit before spitting it all out.

         The white mess runs down onto the bib, only making Lucien groan louder to himself. He rewinds a bit when the audience starts clapping for you just to see you with tears in your eyes as you try to stuff marshmallows ten and eleven into your mouth. As the tension builds up in his cock, Lucien is tempted to pause the episode on your expression, but he lets it pass so that he can tuck his free hand inside his pants. Pumping his base and tip at the same time, Lucien tenses sharply, a cramp forming in his upper thigh, but he ignores it for the sake of orgasming. 

         Lucien groans as he cums, and the white of his release looks like the marshmallow concoction in your mouth. Raking his clean hand through his hair, Lucien pouts slightly, wishing you were here instead of still on the show. 

         The recording cuts to a commercial, giving Lucien a chance to clean himself up before seeing your face again. Lucien fast forwards through the host explaining the pocky game and pauses it to watch you come dangerously close to Kiro’s lips. He is well aware that you feel nothing for the idol, but he still feels a pang of jealousy and possessiveness stemming in his chest. 

         Your cheeks are a beautiful blush pink, likely from the makeup they required you wear for the episode, but it makes Lucien think about how easy it is to make you flush that color without enhancements. 

         Outside, the sound of people chattering pulls Lucien’s attention to the open window. He stands up and pulls his pants to rest low on his hips. Peeking over the windowsill, Lucien catches glimpse of your car pulling into the garage of the apartment complex. The negative emotions flutter away, replaced with happiness. 

         He waits at the door like a puppy and catches your wrist as you walk into the room. “Lucien!” 

         A smile stretches across his features. “Hello, beautiful. I’ve missed you.” Your boyfriend pulls you against his chest as he closes the door. The lock clicks into place as you cup Lucien’s face and kiss him lovingly. “You finished faster than I thought you would.” 

         “The recording is shown with an hour’s delay. And I thought you had work today.” You pick pillow fluff from his cotton shirt and smooth out the wrinkles. “I’m here now though!” 

         Lucien nuzzles against your touch and presses his forehead to yours. “You have been spending so much time with our blond friend as of late.” 

         “It’s only because I owed him a favor. He helped me last month with a last minute episode of my own show. Remember when you two played battleship?” 

         He nods and leads you to the kitchen where you set your purse down. “When I beat him badly at battleship. He’s cute, but he really does not know how to win at that game.” 

         “Be nice! He was trying to be polite.” 

         “It’s polite to lose?” Lucien teases. 

         You roll your eyes and hug your boyfriend from behind, resting your chin on his shoulder to look into the fridge. “I’m hungry.” 

         “You ate enough marshmallows and pocky to last you a week.” 

         “I had to spit them out after that challenge! I’ll have you know, I won the celebrity record of chubby bunny,” you say as-a-matter-of-factly. 

         Lucien leans back on his heels and pinches your side. “I saw, bunny.” 

         “What have you been up to?” Lucien offers you a bowl of fruit as he takes out other tupperware, trying to remember what leftovers are hiding in the back. “Besides watching me stuff my face with sugarry clouds.” 

         The smile dips into a smirk. 

         “Lucien?” 

         The container lands on the counter and a moment later, Lucien has you in his arms as he carries you to the bedroom. You giggle and wait to see where this is going, but are not expecting him to drop against the edge of the mattress and pull you between his legs. His grey sweatpants fall down to his ankles, revealing an erection Lucien had been carrying since you got home, and he brushes your hair back gently. 

         “I’ve been wishing you were here…” 

         Another fit of laughter bubbles in your throat, but you kiss his inner thigh before straightening your posture and dripping saliva onto his length. Lucien groans, savoring the look on your face. He remembered correctly: your eyelids dip down, giving you a lusty look. You’ve recreated it now, as you pump his length, making him harden more, before you lap at his pronounced ridge. 

         “You’re still wet from whatever you did earlier. Lucien, did you get off to me?!” 

         He smiles bashfully and nods as he lifts his shirt to expose his abdominal muscles. “You know the answer to that,” Lucien drawls. “Babygirl, I missed you–” 

         His words prompt you to start sucking along his length. The heat from your tongue makes Lucien shiver with joy, but you take pleasure in teasing him for too long. Lucien catches a handful of your hair to guide your mouth down. You swallow his cock and his tip rubs the back of your throat, making you gag slightly before you settle and start to pump his base. 

         This is what Lucien was missing – the lewd sounds you make every other moment as you try to fit him fully. Your lips swell as they move, but Lucien starts to face fuck you desperately, wanting to see how you would look with white painting your soft skin. 

         Every time Lucien bucks into your mouth, saliva bubbles at your lips, but you wipe it away and focus on sucking his length. Your fingernails dig into his thighs, making Lucien squirm and groan loudly. “Fuck… your tongue feels so much better–” 

         You do your best to smile as Lucien tucks your hair behind your ear. A moan rumbles in your throat, stimulating his cock even more. His muscles tense sharply and his mouth contorts in the shape of your name. Bitterness envelops your tongue, but you continue to suckle at his tip before popping off with a loud sound. 

         Lucien snaps quickly into reality and catches your chin between two fingers. “Show me.” He marvels at his cum on your tongue and prides himself in marking you. “Good girl…” 

         Sitting up, you turn to go to the bathroom, but Lucien catches your hand and pulls you on top of him. “Careful, we’re not done yet.” He kisses your throat, coaxing you to swallow the contents of your mouth, and you give in. A trickle of white runs across your lips, so Lucien kisses you deeply and takes care of it. 

         The next moment, Lucien strips you of your own clothes, discarding them carelessly on the floor next to the bed. He attacks your breasts next, circling his tongue around your nipple as you fumble with your pants to take them off. 

         “L-Lucien! Please, let me–” 

         Lucien grips your hips tightly as he leans backwards. You straighten your back and settle onto his cock – he stretches you more than you expect, but you moan gleefully when Lucien starts thrusting into you. He is quick to pull you down against his chest, but every time you try to sit back up, he presses his hand against the small of your back to keep you flushed down. 

         “Stay, babygirl, I like it when I can feel your warmth against my skin…” Lucien says this so softly that it makes your heart melt. Relaxing your muscles, you nuzzle against his chest and let Lucien buck up into you. Rolling your hips only allows him to reach deeper inside of you, until his cock hits against the spot that makes you moan loudly. 

         “Does it feel good?” 

         “Yes!”

         “Tell me more–” 

         You kiss Lucien deeply and run your hands across his bare chest. “I should have come home earlier if this what was waiting for me.” 

         Lucien grabs a handful of your ass and pulls your legs apart to fuck you faster. “At least now I get to mark you, no? Kiro got dangerously close to your mouth earlier, and I didn’t like it. These are mine~” He licks your lips and teethes on them slightly. 

         You gasp aloud and run your fingers through his hair to pull it back. He looks so good with his hair back, it makes you moan just at the sight. “I pulled back before we got too close though. Or did you get carried away doing.. other things?” you tease. 

         He grunts and slows his thrusts just to hold your face and look into your eyes. “We should do that some time, no?” 

         “I’m currently focused on this!” Grinding hard against him, you press your fingers down on his nipples and roll your hips. It makes Lucien frenetic, and the next moment you go numb from his powerful thrusts. 

         You fall over the edge of pleasure, your orgasm wrapping you in bliss. Usually Lucien likes to fuck you through your climax, but this time he pulls out and cums between your abdomens. His release is hot and sticky, as it rests against your skin. 

         Lucien smiles and laughs before shifting around so his cum spreads across your skin. “Hmm.. there, just like that. So you’re mine.” 

         Finally, you sit up and admire the mess on you. “Of course I’m yours, Lucien~” Leaning down, you press a kiss to his forehead. Lucien locks his arms around you for a hug, and once again he picks you up, but this time to carry you to the bathroom. You squeal and nuzzle against his neck, knowing that the two of you will be due for another round in the shower. 

[oh-theatre]

Sycamore High: Mixed Messages (Chapter 4)

A/N: For those wondering SB is Ted and it means SleazeBall and FU is Paul and it means FuckingUseless (They've had these nicknames for each other forever) 

summary: The boys have a sleepover but Paul oversleeps and misses an important event

words: 947

warnings: Anxiety, shouting, snot, swearing

Ao3 link

“God would you just shut up!” Paul and Ted were taken aback by this. The anger and level of volume in Bills voice shocked both of them. Bill quickly shyed away and his face returned to a timid look. 

“I...I'm sorry” He mumbled, his voice shaking “Its just… you two are always talking and fighting” He played with his fingers, Paul gave him an apologetic look. He paused the game they were playing and turned to face Bill. The boys sat in Ted's basement on a Saturday, Paul and Ted positioned very comfortably on the bean bags in front of the TV. Bill sat on the couch behind them studying, this wasn't unusual. Bill enjoyed observing his friends and watching from a distant. He wasn't much for games but enjoyed ‘Kirby’ on the Nintendo Switch. The boys had been playing ‘Super Smash Bros’ arguing about school and people. Paul stood and sat next to his nervous friend.

“We’re really sorry Bill,” He said softly, he really was. Bill had anxiety, a fact that both Ted and Paul were aware of. He had trouble speaking to others and took a long time to be comfortable around Ted and Paul. And it took a long time for them to adjust to his situation. Paul remembered when he witnessed the Bills first anxiety attack and cursed himself for not diffusing the situation. Ted made his way to Bills other side and kneeled next to him. He put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, causing Bills face to flush. 

“I'm sorry Bud” He paused looking over at the console “Why dont we take a break, grab some snacks and then maybe watch a movie or something?” Ted suggested. Bill sighed gratefully, he really was. It took a long time for Bill to find friends who understood and would just avoid him. It was a lot easier to avoid a problem than to find a solution. Bill nodded adjusting his glasses and the boys made their way upstairs. Ted pulled out some Capri suns and Cheetos, organizing them into a bowl to take downstairs. His parents weren't home so he wasn't really worried. They made their way back downstairs and fussed over movies, Bill rolled his eyes. After an incessant amount of bickering, they settled on just rewatching ‘Avatar: The Last Airbender’. Slowly the boys fell asleep one by one. Bill wrapped up in his blanket he brought from home, he had trouble sleeping without it. Paul was laid out across the other side of the couch snoring softly blowing snot bubbles out of his nose. Ted was sprawled across the bean bags his eyes open slightly watching the tv screen as the show went on. Finally, Ted lost the battle with his very heavy eyelids and fell asleep.

~~~

The morning sky shined slightly through the basement curtains, falling directly on to Paul. He moaned annoyed and fluttered his eyes open. His clothes felt stiff realizing he never put his PJs on. 

“Gross” He whispered dryly, He looked around him and grabbed an almost empty Caprisun and drunk what was left. He patted the couch around him looking for his phone, his eyes quickly closed too tired to adjust to the bright light being emitted from his phone. He gave himself a moment before checking the time. His eyes grew wide as his body became alert. The time read 12:04 pm and 10 new message notifications from Emma.

“Shit… shit” He muttered collecting his things. He organized himself feeling very lightheaded. He ran out of the house and hopped into his car. Today, just today please dont be a piece of junk, he thought. His phone connected to Carplay and asked if he wanted his messages read. Honestly? No, but he did it anyway. 

Emma.P: Hey! I'm here, just waiting now

…

Emma.P: Ok well since you're a little late I'm going to grab a coffee from the Starbucks nearby

…

Emma.P: Oh! Do you want anything?

…

Emma.P: On my way back now...

…

Emma.P: Ok… well, you aren't here. Dont know if I should be worried or annoyed

…

Emma.P: Right well I’m just gonna get started. Let me know if you're alive…

…

Emma.P: Look if you didn't want to work or hang out you could've just told me. Not ignore me and stand me up.

…

Emma.P: Whatever, I have to go… I shared a google doc with you about our research. 

…

Emma.P: Thanks for nothing I guess. (Unless you are injured then I'm super sorry)

…

*One message deleted*

Paul swallowed regretfully. He felt a pit grow in his stomach. He felt awful, he was really looking forward to today. Sure, it was for work but he liked being around Emma. He cursed himself before turning the car around and heading towards his house. He read through the messages obsessively when he returned home, curiosity peaked at the deleted one. Not important now he guessed. His phone buzzed and he opened it quickly, hoping for a certain Chemistry partner.

SB: Dude what the hell? Where’d you go? No note… Bill freaked. You can't do that, remember what happened?

“Damnit!” Paul said out loud, cursing himself again. He really was just messing everything up. He felt awful, first Emma now this…

FU: I'm so so sorry, I woke up late for a study thing… I had to leave. Tell Bill I’ll make it up to him, promise.

SB: It's whatever, see you Monday.

Paul flopped on his bed, ignoring his mothers questions about his sleepover and his sister's annoying comments. How did everything go so wrong, so fast?

[aceofwands]

Ria hateblogs Star Trek Discovery: Episode 6 “Lethe”

This week I’m really feeling the disappointment that I’m not here, 6 weeks in to a new Star Trek series, eagerly awaiting and watching each new episode every week with my family, like I expected and hoped. I don’t even know that I should bother hateblogging the few remaining episodes of this half of the season, it’s like ... it’s just so awful and the writing is terrible and I feel nothing but apathy for the characters and the plot ... I guess I’ll see how bad this week’s episode is

Wow, I will admit, it’s real neat seeing Vulcan in 2017 graphics. I wish it was under better circumstances ...

This aide to Sarek has such a bowl cut, it’s cringe worthy :/

... what. Ignorance is never beneficial? How is it remotely helpful to a mission to not know what it is or why you’re going there?! ugh, the writing for these characters is just so ... artificial ... it’s a problem with so much modern storytelling, it’s like they’re more concerned with having characters say cool dramatic things rather than having actual conversations

The Disco shirts are sooooo dumb. Why wouldn’t they say Discovery in full?

does she have a personality Tilly? does she?

lol Enterprise mention, because we can totally believe that this grimdark holographic spinning mess of a ship exists at the same time as Pike’s Enterprise

cut to Voq, oops I mean Tyler, and Lorca on a Klingon ship apparently

what is this a video game? oh lol, it IS, it’s the HOLODECK because they have those in the 23rd century FFS

lol Voq’s worried his cover was blown when Lorca interrogated his backstory

right. the random prisoner you just found should definitely be your security chief

“someone i can trust” HA it’s SO OBVIOUS HE’S A SPY - so now Lorca just seems stupid as well as an asshole

back to Sarek and the aide ... who just injected himself with something dubious

a Vulcan fanatic who believes humans are inferior ... whoooo just blew himself up

WOW this is bad

like this is the story you needed to tell? so much possibility for a Star Trek series in 2017 with serialisation and this is the series we end up with?

Michael instructing Tilly in the ways of being healthy is just ... why? is this supposed to show that they’re friends? are people really seeing this as cute banter? I just don’t get it

are they gonna go befriend the Klingon spy?

oh good, even better, Tilly thinks he’s hot

“my mentor, Michael” cringe.

how can Michael have spent 7 years amongst humans on the Shenzhou and need Tilly’s guidance on social interaction like shaking hands?

yeeeeah Rick Berman was excited that Enterprise was a Star Trek series where people wore sneakers, having them in a show set in the 23rd century just reinforces - along with the tactical vests and t-shirts that look like they’re straight out of any modern cop show - that this isn’t even set in the future

oh good, Michael is telepathically connected to Sarek still ... wow, this whole sequence is really dumb. like, why are they bonded? how can she sense his pain? HOW CAN THEY MIND MELD ACROSS SPACE?

ethnically diverse Vulcans are the best though

raising a human as a Vulcan just seems like emotional torture tbh? like how ethically dubious?

BEING RAISED AS VULCAN DOES NOT GIVE YOU VULCAN ABILITIES

“how can he put that kind of pressure on a child” GOOD QUESTION

renegade Vulcans tried to murder you

ka’tra has healing powers?! WHAT IS THIS BS

look, okay, it’s one thing to establish new things when you’re making up a series - but this is exactly the problem with saying your series is a prequel and part of the prime universe which has had 5 series worth of content, to then contradict it all by making up nonsense using established canon ... What’s the point? Why not just make a reboot? Set it in a parallel universe, which it obviously is. If you’re so desperate to get away from canon then don’t tell us it’s part of it! But more importantly, if you’re that desperate to ignore it and rewrite it and change it ... why not just make something new?

Lorca has shown 0 compassion to anyone before ever, why would he help her personal request?

these holograms are just so Star Wars, it bothers me every time

“there are protocols to be followed” but they’ve never followed them before, so why would they now lol

Stamets really is different - why couldn’t have been this fun from the start? “groovy” “super cool” “Sarekvision” “psychic hit of speed”

“are you really that crazy?” ummm have you met Michael?

Michael, Tilly, and Voq-Tyler on a shuttle going into a nebula to mind meld with Sarek and find it, what could possibly go wrong?

so many holograms. sigh.

lol Admiral came to see Lorca in person and tell him off  for launching an unauthorised mission led by a mutineer and a POW who has barely had time to recover - and I quote "can you even trust this guy?"

because that's how Starfleet Admirals speak

sigh. I miss proper Star Trek. this FEELS like 2017. it feels like these people just stepped out of today and onto these spaceships. it doesn’t feel like 2250-whatever. add all the holograms you want, holograms do not maketh the future - there was a tone, an aesthetic quality, including goofy space clothes and Shakespearean dialogue, that made it feel like it wasn’t happening now

“I checked him out” ya-huh, you’re gonna have egg on your face when it’s dramatically revealed that he’s a Klingon spy lol

the cornerstone of their entire defence against the Klingons is a science vessel with an experimental mushroom drive ... I can’t even with this show

Lt Stamets engaging in eugenics - hey yeah, I forgot that was an issue, funny how they’re happy to throw away 90% of what we know but keep the tiniest parts, it just makes it all so meaningless

and now they’re having a drink ... so that whole scene was just to remind us that Starfleet exists and remind us that Discovery is important to the war ... they really have to do a lot of telling on this show don’t they?

oh good, the tac vests are back

right. of course. who else would Sarek’s thoughts turn to when he’s dying? not his wife. not his son. YOU. “I was supposed to be his proof that Humans and Vulcans could co-exist as equals” ???? the Federation has existed for almost a century by this point! he LITERALLY HAS A HUMAN WIFE and that half-Human son they keep forgetting - WHY THE ACTUAL FUCK WOULD HE NEED A HUMAN WARD TO PROVE ANYTHING??????

YOU’RE his greatest disappointment? not that he’s fucked up his relationship with his son? or y’know, his full Vulcan son off making a cult?

we’ve done this storyline so many times in more interesting ways - the original, Spock - Worf raised by humans

oh good, Michael and Sarek fighting ... in his mind ...

AND THEN WE’RE BACK TO LORCA AND ADMIRAL DRINKING WHISKEY?

bleeeuuuugh

“some of the decisions you’ve been making lately are troubling” Sooooo stop him? if only there was a chain of command?

I’m glad someone’s calling him out for being awful, but why is it a friendly chat?

oh, he passed psych evals and tests with flying colours. right.

lord please stop flirting. is that ... sleazy saxophone music?

WHAT.

ARE YOU SERIOUS SHOW?

she has GENUINE CONCERNS about his ability and mental state as a Captain and instead of telling other Admirals or having an official meeting or hearing ... she goes to talk to him directly, and then allows him to distract her by seducing her?

this has gotta be the worst written piece of crap I’ve seen in years. and I just rewatched the DS9 season 1 gems The Passenger and Move Along Home. I’ve seen Threshold, and These are the Voyages, and Shades of Grey. All of which, are better than this show’s first 6 episodes have been.

how is the Klingon spy the best character on the show? the only one with any compassion or actual emotions - is it because he’s trying to be a perfect human

they finally mentioned Spock! wait, isn’t Spock supposed to be on the Enterprise at this point? oh no right it’s 7 years before. LOL Sarek chose Spock over Michael AND THEN SPOCK REJECTED THE SCIENCE ACADEMY

why must we come back to Sarek at all? was this story really necessary? was it burning to be told? like ... what do we gain from it? does it add to his character, or Spock’s? 

Admiral found some scars on Lorca’s back in bed ... and poked them while he was asleep. LOL “you sleep with a phaser in your bed and you say nothing’s wrong?” THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE???? WHY would he have a phaser in his bed? who’s gonna attack him on his own ship?

“all these months I have ignored the signs” and it took this to finally tip you off? geezus. good lord. and she’s not like the other Admirals at Starfleet - I mean, okay actually this is the only thing the show has gotten right so far, they always were idiots lol

“I can’t leave Starfleet’s most powerful weapon in the hands of a broken man”

lol she doesn’t believe his plea not to take his ship away, and him admitting he needs help - I don’t believe him either

Saru we knew he was severely wounded, that was the whole point.

lol is he gonna get the Admiral killed so she backs off? what am I saying, of course he is - I mean, of course this diplomatic negotiation with the Klingons he’s sending her off to is going to get her killed

how can he give Michael a bridge position when she’s a criminal? this whole thing makes no sense. why did they go this nonsense route? other than for the sake of drama (oh wait, that’s the only reason they do anything on this show)

why does the replicator tell you how nutritious your food is

oh of course Voq is gonna befriend and flirt with Michael.

lord, could someone please please tell the writers that they’re supposed to show emotions, not have characters explain what they’re feeling through clunky exposition

“it’s just being human” LOL IT’S FUNNY CAUSE HE’S KLINGON

lol yep, cut to neutral territory, let’s watch as this show’s THIRD FEMALE CHARACTER IS KILLED oh no she’s just been taken hostage LOL

“notify Starfleet Command, ask for orders” W O W he is an ASSHOLE

oh good, next episode is a time loop. Mudd’s back. Voq kisses Michael. 

how is it that this show is serialised and yet feels more disjointed than say, the serial arcs of DS9? every episode it’s like ... Stuff Happens ... and it’s very very loosely connected to what happened before, but seems to be mostly at random?? like, reflecting on what I just watched, not a lot of anything happened? their plots were literally, Sarek is attacked and they rescue him because space telepathy is a thing, so Michael can have some drama I guess ... and Lorca sleeps with the Admiral who realises he’s a dangerous asshole, recommends her for a dangerous mission, then refuses to rescue her. that’s it. 

Like dude, I just rewatched DS9′s Duet and In the Hands of the Prophets last night. This rubbish doesn’t even hold a candle to it??? Kira’s entire emotional arc in season 1 from Emissary, through Past Prologue, Battle Lines, Progress, Duet, and In The Hands of the Prophets, is more nuanced, engaging, and well crafted than Michael’s emotional arc as the protagonist of Discovery. and they weren’t even allowed to do proper serialisation at that point??

[junker-town]

Which NFL team’s hot start do we trust the least?

Joe Maiorana-USA TODAY Sports

Heading into Week 3, 10 teams have yet to lose — and not all of them will make it to the postseason.

After two weeks, the dream of an undefeated season remains for nine NFL teams — including three in the NFC West — plus the still-unbeaten 1-0-1 Lions. Those teams won’t all make the playoffs, but a 2-0 record gives them a leg up.

Not all these hot starts are created equally, though. Some are the product of proficiency on the field and will lead to a spot in the playoffs. Others are a function of weak scheduling and a few lucky bounces.

The Packers got out to 2-0 by using a smothering defense and a very familiar offense to dispatch two division rivals who’d been predicted to stand atop the NFC North. The Ravens started 2-0 thanks to Lamar Jackson’s heroics, though those wins came over the worst team of 2018 (Arizona) and the worst team of 2019 (Miami). The Bills’ defense has been stingy through road wins against the Jets and Giants, but if they can’t keep that up the only title they’ll earn in 2019 is “King of Northern New Jersey.”

Some of these meteoric beginnings are destined to burn up in the atmosphere of the regular season. Which teams have failed to convince us of their legitimacy despite strong starts?

San Francisco 49ers

I like what the Niners have done early in the season. Despite a couple of bad decisions, Jimmy Garoppolo has gone back to looking like a legitimate franchise quarterback. The defense has been solid as well, allowing only 4.7 yards per play and 17 points per game.

That said, I’m not sold on this offense yet. While putting up 31 points on the Buccaneers looks more impressive after Tampa shut down the Panthers in Week 2, 14 of those points came off pick-sixes and San Francisco went 0-for-3 when it came to turning red zone opportunities into touchdowns. Even though Garoppolo converted three of his five red zone trips into TDs against the Bengals one week later, that 37.5 percent success rate is 27th best in the league.

There’s a lot of talent in Santa Clara, but it’s still an unproven group that will need to jell quickly to keep 2019’s fast start intact. Garoppolo has never started more than five games in a season (and is coming off a regrettable preseason that saw him throw five straight interceptions at one point in practice). He may not get much help from a once-strong running game that’s been diminished by injuries to Jerick McKinnon and Tevin Coleman, though Raheem Mostert has been useful when pressed into action so far. His receiving corps has been uneven as well, with Dante Pettis sliding down the depth chart and Marquise Goodwin having a limited impact.

The defense looks good, even with rookie Nick Bosa battling a high ankle sprain and Jimmie Ward yet to take the field. That said, those performances came against unimpressive Cincinnati and Tampa Bay offenses. An easy first half of the 2019 schedule should provide plenty of lead time for the team to sort things out, but we may not know who these 49ers really are until November. — Christian D’Andrea

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (but just the defense)

I actually like the Buccaneers. I thought they were primed to be a surprising team in 2019 and so far they look pretty good. But why they look good is the part that’s a little unexpected.

Tampa Bay’s offense is kind of a mess. It’s 27th in total yards and finished Week 1 with four turnovers — two of which were Jameis Winston interceptions returned for touchdowns. The Buccaneers’ potential resurgence seemed dependent upon Bruce Arians fixing the offense, but that unit looks like it’s taken a step backwards.

Instead, it’s the defense that has the Buccaneers looking like an NFC South favorite. With Todd Bowles as the defensive coordinator, Tampa Bay is No. 8 in total defense. It’s allowing 2.7 yards per rushing attempt and has given up just one offensive touchdown.

The Buccaneers have invested a lot of resources on that side of the ball. They signed Ndamukong Suh, Shaquil Barrett, and Deone Bucannon in free agency, and selected defensive players with their first five picks of the 2019 NFL Draft. However, I’m still not convinced the Tampa Bay defense is that great.

Barrett was really, really good in Week 2 and looks well worth the $4 million it cost to sign him. But he’s the only player on the defense that has any sacks, and it’s entirely possible that his three-sack performance was a product of Panthers left tackle Daryl Williams having a rough night.

For that matter, the Buccaneers played well defensively against the 49ers and Panthers — two teams that probably have more questions than answers on offense right now.

If Tampa Bay does end up being a contender, I still think it’ll be the offense that leads the way. The defense is much better than it was in 2018, but an elite group? I’m not convinced. — Adam Stites

Detroit Lions

I’m not sure about you all, but I’m pretty damn surprised the Lions are (technically) undefeated heading into Week 3. Thanks to a Week 1 tie against the Arizona Cardinals and the Lions’ 13-10 win over the Chargers, the Lions are sitting at 1-0-1, but Detroit has some issues that look pretty concerning, even early on.

Take their win. In the third quarter, the Chargers led 10-6 and were trying to extend their lead when running back Austin Ekeler fumbled what would’ve been a 1-yard touchdown. On the next two LA drives, punter Ty Long, who had to fill in for an injured Michael Badgley, missed two field goals. Detroit scored a go-ahead touchdown with 4:24 before Philip Rivers threw an interception that sealed the Lions victory.

So if anything, the Chargers beat themselves far more than the Lions did.

And as for the tie against the Cardinals, Detroit blew what should’ve been an easy win. The Lions were ahead by a whopping three scores at the start of the fourth quarter, and let the Cardinals score 18 unanswered points to tie and send it to OT. Pride of Detroit blames the conservative playcalling (and poor coaching, including Detroit calling a TO that negated a Lions third-down conversion) at the end for a big contributing factor to the loss:

Good teams overcome unfortunate events. The Timeout was an unfortunate event, but the Lions were still in a brilliant position to win the game. Get a first down and the game is over.

But if you rewatch the next play, you can see the chaos on the side of the field. Coaches are literally jumping up and down in anger, the offense—yet again—barely gets to the line in time before the playclock runs out, and then this is the play they run:

Third and 5 The biggest third-and-5 of the game. They go 4 verts. With an offensive line struggling to protect Stafford. they go 4 verts. No receiver is even looking for the ball and Stafford is toast. They were completely unprepared to make another call. pic.twitter.com/p5S10ELpzI

— Jeremy Reisman (@DetroitOnLion) September 9, 2019

The main reason the Lions didn’t lose was because Kliff Kingsbury was way too conservative by kicking field goals and settling for a tie in OT.

Sure, the Lions are undefeated right now. But they’ve got upcoming games against the Eagles, Chiefs, Packers, and Vikings before they even get through the month of October (yikes). That looks pretty brutal, considering how they barely won their first couple of games. — Morgan Moriarty

Buffalo Bills

I’m not buying what the Bills are selling. They’ve notched two wins to start the season — against the lowly Jets and Giants — and have a decent chance at beginning 3-0 thanks to a matchup with the Bengals on tap next. They also have a relatively easy upcoming schedule (as do all teams that play the Dolphins twice) until they hit a late-season stretch where they have to play the Cowboys, Ravens, Steelers, and Patriots.

There are winnable games before then, but the Bills are eventually going to lose some of those games they should win.

Josh Allen is still wildly inconsistent at quarterback, with a two-interception, two-fumble game against the Jets to start the season. He played much better against the Giants and while his completion percentage is up this year, he still has a tendency to miss wide-open receivers.

Sean McDermott’s defense is better than advertised, but two wins at the Meadowlands does not move the needle.

The last five times the Bills started the season at 2-0, they haven’t made the playoffs, and finished with a winning record just once. Because they play in the same division as the Patriots, their only real shot at the playoffs is as a wild card team. That will depend on Allen winning all the games he’s supposed to, and I’m not betting on that happening. — James Brady

[omgnsfwisnsfw-blog]

NSFW #02: For Fun!

“Say Hey, EWC Faithful! We’re here with you at the lovely Crystal campground in the majestic Ouachita National Forest in Arkansas.” “We’re going camping, and you’re going to watch.” Indeed, NSFW was camping. A large two person tent was set up and just visible to the left, and framed right in the center of the shot were Bishop Church and Mike McGuire, sitting across from one another beside a large, cheerily crackling campfire. The evidence of their dinner sits atop a small cooler: hot dogs, tofu dogs, stadium mustard, ketchup, buns. Chocolate and marshmallows for s’mores. The night sky is star-flecked through the towering trees, and in the background are the sounds of rustling leaves and the babble of a nearby but unseen creek. It was a good campsite. This had been a good trip so far in general, marked by a good beginning: a Fourth of July party held at the magnificent estate of their good friend (and as far as they were concerned, the heir apparent to the EWC Undisputed Championship) Natalie Young. There had been a moment that, while perhaps not exactly pleasant, had lent some serious emotional gravity between the three of them, and though the unpleasantness had dissipated, the strengthened bond hadn’t. After the evening’s festivities they’d been wished a safe trip and, much to Mike’s delight, she got a kiss goodbye that’d set her in an outright giggly mood for hours afterward. Mike pulled a speared marshmallow away from the fire, sandwiching it between two graham crackers with a piece of Hershey bar before taking a bite. Bishop held a small assortment of notecards, and Mike had some of her own sitting on the log beside her. “As you can see, our efforts to save some cash on this cross-country roadtrip we’re doing have gone critical mass. We are Now Sleeping in the Fucking Woods. But since we’re camping… you wanna hear a scary story?” She leaned forward, her face illuminated by the flames in an eerie manner. “This is a story of a man. A man who surrounded himself with people he called his friends. But little did he know that these people were not what they seemed. They were… FUUUUUCKING HYYYPOCRIIIIIIIIITES.” Raising her arms up, she wiggled her fingers to convey spookiness. “Our story begins on a most jingoistic of evenings and our hero had just introduced a most marvelous of notions. He would captain a squad of five like individuals. They would bring forth a new era.” John looked down at the first card in his hand and read it aloud: “This is not a Revolution. We are not taking some grand stance against corruption or apathy or any other "cause". This is not about The Future. This is about right now. This is about bringing some fun back to the EWC. Too many competitors are wound up tighter than the blunts Smokey Jones rolls.” He tossed the first card into the fire. “Only it turns out, this little newly formed group of ragtag misfits, Freaks and Geeks, if’n you will, has a really fuckin’ interesting idea on what constitutes ‘fun’. And just to prove that we ain’t just spinnin’ this tale out of our asses, we did our homework. And we took fuckin’ notes. Let’s start with everybody’s favorite stoner, shall we? Smokey Fuckin’ Jones.” She brushed the graham cracker crumbs off her hands and picked up the first card off her small stack. “James Larson, you carry all the tools for success, but have done nothing more than play games with the likes of it. I say, you sacrifice yourself one last time. Sacrifice yourself to me in the middle of the ring and lie down on the mat for the three count and I will take you back to the top of your game.” She looked at the camera with a slightly tilted head, lips twisting into an inquisitive frown. “Let me preface this with saying I don’t mind a bit of the wacky tobaccy now and then. But I, no sane person, really, goes off and demands human fuckin’ sacrifice or whatever in the name of legalizing it.” Following her partner’s lead, she pitched the card into the fire before picking the next one up, holding onto it for the time being. “Now. I don’t think Cletus literally means human sacrifice. But in nearly every one of his bouts, he has made the ultimatum that if you don’t join him in The Promised Land, he’ll make sure you regret it.” “Y’know, for fun!” “Anyway, I’ve already spoken at length about Orianna Johnson. She is spry and cheery. She is only eighteen-years-old. Look at the jubilation she expresses in her every word. Happy statements to Lavender like:” Next card. “You’re about as sharp as the leading edge of a bowling ball aren’t you?” “Which is funny considering just weeks prior she stated:” "With the admiration of many, you've gained mine as well, and my respect, Lavender. You'll never hear me bragging about how I can go out in the sunlight and not be afraid. I won't rub that in your face like others have. You may not realize it, but you've won far more in life than your win/loss record in the ring says.” Whoosh. Into the flames. “A little condescending. We all have some quotient of snark these days. But Mike, there’s just something strange about this.” “You’re right, partner. I mean, I’ve seen that promo and rewatched it a couple fuckin’ times because it was so goddamn weird. She says somethin’ about the well deserved admiration of the people or some shit like that, and then, boom. She’s talking about something else out of the blue, in a different position than she was a second ago.” “Maybe she flubbed. When we started this whole ordeal, I certainly didn’t feel comfortable with all of this. Still makes me tense but I can deal with it. But yes, maybe it’s a promo cut together with the best takes. Or maybe…” “...given Little Miss Teen EWC’s track record on talking shit, she said something so fuckin’ untoward that even she couldn’t leave it in. Cuz if she did? Everybody’d know just what an ugly, rotten, two-faced little snake that girl is. And we can’t have that. She’s just a CHILD, right? Kids will be kids.” “Youth isn’t an excuse for being needlessly cruel. Although, this is just speculation. But we’ve got plenty of tape of how she views those of a lower station than her. Orianna Johnson: Dehumanizing others by referring to them as ‘it’ and the destruction and theft of private property.” “Y’know, for fun!” She looked down at the card she’d picked up, pursing her lips a bit. “Now, this one seems like a breath of fresh fuckin’ air, especially comin’ after the lovely Miss Johnson. Steve Barnes. Superhero. Would be fuckin’ bully killer. I quote.” “I am sick and tired of men like you in this business. They are everywhere, thinking they can do whatever they want, to whoever they want, whenever they want. Today that stops. Men like you are nothing more than schoolyard bullies; and I hate bullies. So, from now on, wherever there are men like you, I will be there. You want to keep coming at people like you just did, I will be there to stop you. My name is Steve Barnes...and I AM IRON MAN!” “Nice words. Would be an admirable cause. Problem is? You really really suck at it. Let’s look at the night you said all this. Sure, you came out, beat up on Collateral Damage, and why wouldn’t you? Beating up Draco Lazarus is fucking fun. There are few faces as outright begging to be punched as his. But where the heck were you when Az was getting shredded by a bunch of masked fuckers? I don’t recall Tony Motherfucking Stark bein’ all selective about his superheroism. Matter of fact…” She winged the card into the fire Frisbee-style and folded her arms, smirking a little in spite of herself. “...we’re doing a better job than you. Not that we’re out looking to be the Avengers, heh, the Guardians actually suit us way better if we’d even want to go that route. But how many instances of fucking shenanigans have Draco and his cronies tried to pull lately? And who’s usually there to beat his ass? Here’s a hint: NOT YOU.” “You certainly had your chance last Monday. Twice. You had a chance to make another grand statement. Instead you opted to say nothing whatsoever. When Mucho Grande! were the victims of another assault from Collateral Damage, where were you, Iron Man? If you’re going to virtue signal, at least live up to it.” “So much for having no cause except for ZOMGOD FUN, huh?” She paused. “Hey Church. You got one more card there. That who I think it is?” “Yes.” John tapped his last index card against the palm of his hand. “A familiar adversary. Kendrick Kross. Mr. Lutter’s tag team partner in our upcoming encounter. Two men who prior to this alliance were embroiled in a heated contest. But now there are no agendas and it’s all about entertainment. What does Kross really think about that?” “I truly have a love and respect for Nostalgia, he is someone that I can call a friend, he has his faults just as everyone else, one of them is having to please his followers, the Sentimentalists...what is the point in that? Why should you fight and please the Sentimentalists when all that you should want and need to do is fight to please yourself, that’s one of his faults that will get him in trouble one day, and that day will be at Scars and Stripes.” John’s hands are now empty as the last card joined the rest. “His plans were put on ice that evening.” “Yeah, unfortunately, Cherry Garcia decided to give him the fuckin’ cold shoulder.” They glanced at each other for just a moment, giving simultaneous slight snickers at each other’s dreadful puns. “But it makes me think, Mike, our cool friend essentially said that he does this for himself. That his leader’s selflessness will cost him one day. When do you think that will happen? Maybe in Oakland?” Mike nodded grimly. “Yeah, I mean, calling your tag team partner naive and prone to fuckin’ backstabbing don’t exactly harbor an atmosphere of trust, and as we can tell you, if you don’t have trust in a tag team, you’re fucked with a capital F. U. But I guess in your book, maybe if he’s that gullible, he deserves it, right?” “Although, if I were Mr. Lutter, I wouldn’t take much of what Kross says at face value. I happen to remember that his evaluation of me was of little worth. He has the habit of deriding every individual he comes across with backhanded compliments that culminate in him trying to run them out of the business. Friend or foe.” “Condensation and backstabbing. Y’know, for fun!” Silence except the crackle of the flames. John raised a finger in the air as if to correct her but then he withdrew and nodded in agreement. “You know, you’re right. He would technically do that as he defrosted.” Mike blinked, and then broke into wild cackles, falling backwards off the log she was sitting on. “Ooof. I’m okay.” Picking herself up, she sits back down, brushes herself off, and clears her throat. “Anyways. You may notice by now that we are fresh outta notecards. That’s because, well, we ain’t got nothin’ bad to say about Nostalgia. He ain’t a hypocrite, far’s we’ve been able to see: he’s the only one in this whole bunch who actually believes in his own fuckin’ mission statement. You’re a good dude, Nos. You’re a lot of fun, and you’re real fuckin’ talented. But when we got your manager out of a spot, and you asked us to join your group? We said we’d get back to you… an’ now we’ve got our answer.” “No. Not because of you. I like you. Mike likes you. You’ve been nothing but kind to us. You’ve said complimentary things about us. Here’s the thing. If we joined you, we’d be quoting ourselves all through the night.” “We’re just not like you. We don’t fuckin’ fit in your box or anyone’s. Do we like to have fun? Fuck yeah we do. But unlike what you said you guys are about? We DO stand for something. We’ve said it all this time, and if you missed it you haven’t been fuckin’ paying attention. Nuh-uh. We’re not freaks, or geeks. We’re us, and ain’t nobody like us.” She paused a moment, a dreamy little smile flicking over her face. “Cept for maybe Miss Natalie. She’s so fuckin’ cool, and strong, and smart, and she’s got the prettiest fuckin’ eyes, and it was so awesome of her to invite us over for the Fourth for that party…” “I enjoyed Natalie’s pie.” Mike sat up, suddenly looking slightly irked. “Hey, I thought you liked MY pie best! I mean, you ate a bunch of it before we left the house. Eh, on the other hand, maybe it wasn’t that great after eight hours in the car.” John looked directly at the camera. His words would be followed by thousands of fingers clacking away at their keyboards. “You both had me licking the plate clean.” Mike’s hand flew to her mouth, perhaps stifling a snicker, and her emerald eyes glinted merrily in the firelight. “Anyway. Don’t take what we do to you personal, Nos, but take this right now as a warning that we’re givin’ you as friends. I’d keep an eye on the company you keep. They may be playin’ along with you just long enough to swipe something you have that they fuckin’ want.” “Storytime is over.” John stood up from the log. “Coming up, Freaks and Geeks makes their official debut in the tag team division against us. Mike, lots of folks around here like history. NSFW stands before you and well, we don’t have a shot at the tag team gold. You train and train in the hopes of reaching the top and sometimes it just doesn’t happen no matter how much you wanted it to. Tell them, Mike, what does NSFW do when we just fall short?” “We pick ourselves up, fuckin’ reload, study up, and do better next time. We don’t run to the back and sob like little eighteen year old girls. So we’re not number one contenders right now. We will be. We said we’re gonna be fuckin’ Tag Team Champions, and we stand by that, no matter how many times we gotta start over. And you guys’ll be as good a handhold in our climb back up the mountain as any.” “And believe me, we aren’t marginalizing you two. Champions. Main eventers. Bonafide megastars. And here we are: the upstarts. That’s the nature of this business. Not fun. Notsports entertainment. Ask the Madison brothers what sports entertainment has ever done for them.” Mike got to her feet as well, standing with her arms folded at her partner’s right hand.“That’s where fun gets you when you don’t stand for shit. Goofing around, smoking a bowl, and lighting farts on fire. Is that what you really fuckin’ want, Nos? Is that all you want out of this business? It’s clearly not or you wouldn’t have fuckin’ main evented the year’s biggest goddamn show.” “That goes for them all. Kendrick Kross said because I didn’t know why I was here that I’d wash out. You know what? You were right. But as I stand before you with my partner, you’rewrong.” John put an arm around Mike’s shoulders. His hand hesitated for just a moment before he rested it on her bare shoulder. “NSFW. That’s what matters. That’s our cause.” “We believe in us. And not just us. We believe in our friends. We believe in every fuckin’ person out there who takes those four letters to mean somethin’ besides ‘Not Safe For Work’. We fuckin’ stand by that and nothin’s gonna budge or break us. Can you Freaks and Geeks say the same? I don’t fuckin’ think you can. It’s right there in your motto. You don’t stand for nothin’ but fun, and we already pointed out where that fuckin’ leads.” There’s a pause then, almost if Mike was very reluctant to pull away. But she did (though she was almost too slow about it) and strode over to the tripod-mounted phone, bending down, almost staring right through it at the people she was addressing. “See you in Oakland. I hope for your sakes you find a better fucking conviction than ‘FOR FUN’ before then.” The camera clicked off. After that, John and Mike set to tidying up the campsite- dousing the fire with water from the creek and stirring up the ashes, putting the food away in the cooler and out of the reach of hungry, mischievous raccoons, throwing their garbage into a sealed trash can not far from their campsite. All that done, they tucked into their tent for the night. It was one of those comfortable silences, little sound but the chirp of insects and soft rushing of the creek, the tent illuminated by the dim light of John’s Kindle as he finished the chapter of The Natural he’d been in the middle of. Mike smiled. He’d really gotten the hang of using it, just as they knew he would. They could only imagine the size of his digital library. Their voice softly broke the silence. “Hey, Church. I’m glad we did this.” John clicked off his book for now. “Me too.” Perhaps a struggle, John rewinded past everything, through all of the ugliness and told them: “Used to go camping all the time. In better days.” “We can keep doing it, you know. If you want. I kinda like it better than seeing the same fuckin’ hotel room insides every night.” Mike propped their cheek in one hand, and as if realizing they forgot to take it off, removed their hat, setting it beside their pillow. “If you liked it before, I wanna give it back to you.” “Maybe it isn’t necessary.” John’s back was to them. He nestled his head into the pillow. His tone was drowsy. “Mike. I don’t know how to put this but I feel like I’ve come back to life. And all of this, this can be what I like now.” “Yeah… I can see what you mean.” They closed their eyes. There was something dancing on the tip of their tongue, but it was colliding and conflicting with other things, growing affections, even. Things they felt. Things they wanted to say. It was unlike them and they found it frustrating, stewing on their words this way, but they were unable to just spit it out. It tied itself in knots, rearranged itself, and finally came out in something both completely different and exactly the same as what they’d originally had in mind. “John? You… know I’d never hurt you ever, right? I’d drop fucking dead first.” Silence. “...Church?” No sound but a soft, easy, contented cadence of breathing. They smiled, shook their head, and bedded down as well. Maybe it was for the best. “G’night, buddy.”