#i was rereading old Luka posts and man

[rainba]

I love Luka but I also crave the princess treatment 💔 is there any way to soften up the angry kitty that he is?

Honestly, Luka is already inclined to treat you like a princess/prince, so long as you give him what he wants and stroke his ego a little bit. ღ It's always going to be in his nature to tease you a bit, perhaps even manhandling you every now and then (especially during his heats)- but he wouldn't be too rough, if you ask him sweetly! The harshest thing he'll do is bite your shoulders as a way to mark and claim you as his. ღ

Other than that, he'll spoil you rotten. (っ˘ω˘ς )

[captainkirkk]

✩ WEEKLY FIC ROUND-UP ✩

A collection of fics I’ve read (/reread) and thoroughly enjoyed in the past week-ish from all kinds of fandoms and genres.

ATLA

Fire Lily Oil by mindbending                

There’s an assassin in Sparky’s bedroom. It’s the only explanation for the extra heartbeat. The sounds of exertion. The ominous thumping of furniture. Fueled by both duty and friendship, Toph crashes in, ready for battle-

Only to get smacked by a faceful of Sokka’s new perfume.

Ambassador Sokka and His Very Bad (Turned Very Good) Idea by gaydaractivate04

Part 1 of The Adventures of Ambassador Sokka    

The war is officially over. With Fire Lord Ozai and his daughter dead, Fire Lord Zuko now takes the throne.

He takes the throne, and sets to fixing the destruction left over from the war, starting with his own people and ending with everyone else's.

That was how Sokka found himself, the next chief of the Southern Water Tribe, negotiating new treaties in the heart of the Fire Nation with the new Fire Lord.

Who, if he must say, is really good looking for a guy who spent the last few years in the cells beneath the palace.

BNHA

For The Greater Good by Cornflower_Blue       

Of course, from the moment he knew One For All was passable, Izuku had carried a quiet hope that All Might would pick him. But until that moment in the sunset, it had always been more like a far off fantasy, a bedtime story he would tell himself at night. How could he hold a candle to someone like Kacchan, who had the perfect heroic quirk that would only add to One For All.

But All Might had seen something in him, and Izuku had promised himself he would never let his hero regret giving him that chance at his dream.

He did kinda wish he had agreed to let All Might’s team install the panic button in his phone back when his name had been leaked though.

Harry Potter

the end of being alone by rexcorvidae                

When Harriet Potter asks Hagrid questions about her parents that he doesn't know the answers to, he directs her to one of their old friends, and in doing so changes the course of history.

The Happy Smiles Recipe by MayMarlow                

After Sirius's death Dumbledore is ready to send Harry once again back to the Dursleys. Molly Weasley is not about to let that happen.

Untamed

Five Dogs, One Cat by ryfkah (+ podfic)     

If you’ve ever believed me in anything, believe I want what’s best for Jin Ling, the first line of the letter reads.

Jiang Cheng has to stop and take a moment before he continues on to the next line:

 You must come to Carp Tower as soon as you can and lavish praise on the ugliest dog I’ve ever seen.

  scatter and sunder by silversshadow               

When Wei Wuxian dies at the Burial Mounds the backlash tears his soul apart.

The cultivation world is left to watch the pieces.

TMA

nor any more youth or age than there is now by Ravenesta    

The local Primary school has a new teacher. He is, to say the very least, odd.

A series of statements regarding the interactions of the townsfolk with one Jonathan Sims, never formally given.

"Have You Tried Turning It Off And On Again?" - How the Magnus Institute learned to embrace the IT ticketing system, upgraded their antivirus, and still found the time to teach one old man how to copy and paste by shinyopals

Part 2 of The Magnus Institute vs the 21st Century: a series of emails and IMs

I hope you find your new role as Head of the Institute as rewarding as captaining the Tundra, wrote Elias Bouchard, to Peter Lukas. There are so many people working there: all with their own interesting lives, and all desiring your attention and support. I'm sure you will relish the challenge it will bring and enjoy every moment spent with the fine men and women of the Institute. In time I'm confident they'll become like a family to you.

The Magnus Institute has a new boss. The Magnus Institute also has a new tech support technician. These two facts are unrelated, except they both happen at the same time.

Meanwhile Jon's woken up from being dead for six months and for once he's trying his best. He just wishes Martin would stop avoiding him and answer his messages...

TMA/TUA

just stopped believing in happy endings by  chahakyn              

“I know that. I’m just…” Sissy frowns, biting her lower lip. “I just wonder whether staying here would hurt less than going out there.”

Vanya covers Sissy’s hand with her own, turning to kiss the inside of her palm.

“It’ll hurt equally either way. Does it matter to you, as long as we’re together?”

-

The Archivist Vanya Hargreeves goes on a journey to hunt down her Avatar siblings in their respective Fear Domains post-Watcher's Crown.

(A Magnus Archives AU)

[okayto]

Magnus Archives Thoughts

Semi-liveblog, as I’m jotting these down as I go but only posting occasionally after the fact.

I got up through episode 97 before I stopped for a long time, so read through the transcripts to re-acquaint myself with everything that had happened up to this point. (as a note: transcripts, excellent. Also helpful if I start getting too creeped out.)

Under the cut (for spoilers), episodes 98-102

(I’m not promising DEEP thoughts, I just needed somewhere to jot things down in case I take another break, with or without meaning to)

Episode 98 (Lights Out): MAXWELL RAYNER, ALWAYS A CREEP.

Awww, Martin, you’re recording statements and it’s Doing Things to you. Poor baby.

Also, ever since rereading episode 80 (Jurgen Leitner’s statement, and Elias’s murder of him), every time Elias appears I just want to shout RAT BASTARD at him.

Episode 99 (Dust to Dust): Totally thought “Boise” being pronounced as “boys” was an error (which still would’ve worked fine for the character, not an issue), but it turns out that Boise City, Oklahoma does in fact pronounce it “boys.” (As opposed to the more well-known Boise, Idaho, which is pronounced “boy-see”.)

Makes sense, though I spent the entire episode thinking she was mispronouncing Boise, ID, and also wondering if the Dust Bowl really got that bad in Idaho.

More interesting: MICHAEL?!?! Michael was a

real person

???? I kinda like him as we’ve met him, thanks to his...y’know, lack of outright hostility and consistent murdery plots, but

MICHAEL????

OH NO WHAT HAPPENED.

I know I know it’s a horror podcast bad things happen I WANT GOOD THINGS TO HAPPEN THOUGHT IT’S A PROBLEM

John. JOHN. oh no.

I am going to probably need so much Happy AU fanfic when this is over aren’t I.

Episode 100 (I Guess You Had to Be There): Oh. Ahahaha. Basira’s a decent interviewer, but I nearly choked on my tea when this guy was like “oh yeah so I’m in this mysterious spiral that appeared out of nowhere and looks very old and there’s an old man crying in the distance but then I realized I was late for dinner, so I left.” [Dumbfounded Basira aura in the background.]

Poor Brian :(

Peter Lukas you bastard. “Sent you to an alternate realm. Hope you didn’t work for the guy I’m going to see, he gets touchy about his people. You don’t? Great. Cheers!”

Episode 101 (Another Twist): The person voicing Nicola Orsinov is excellent at that uncanny brightness. And I’m enjoying Jonny Sims’s excellent muffled voice acting.

MICHAEL?!

MICHAEL STATEMENT!!!

Look, I know Gertrude Robinson wasn’t a nice person, but she was undeniably badass. Still, I feel very bad for Michael Skelley.

And I love Michael the Distortion. Top tier character. Interested in seeing what happens now with Helen, but I’ll miss Michael a lot.

Interesting that Michael has usually been pretty truthful, for the embodiment of something that’s just deceptive, huh? I don’t quite understand the ritual that Gertrude interrupted--the Distortion taking its own shape, embodied (but not as Michael), in the human world? A Distortion version of the Unknowing? I’m too afraid of spoilers if I look up more now, so I’ll have to wait. I do still have like half the series to go.

Episode 102 (Nesting Instinct): John vs. Rat Bastard. Rat Bastard’s all “telling you things would just be a crutch and--” CRUTCHES ARE HELPFUL TOOLS THAT HELP PEOPLE SURVIVE RAT BASTARD.

This show does keep making me laugh when I least expect it though.

ARCHIVIST I get, I get that you hate being here, Melanie, but do you really want to trade it for prison?

MELANIE No! But the way I see it, the police seem really keen not to investigate crimes committed here.

ELIAS That’s actually fair.

ARCHIVIST Shut up!

Rat Bastard: YouGotMeThere.meme

And like two seconds later,

John: Melanie, your desire to murder our boss is very, very understandable and rational but not a good idea right now, let’s talk about how to handle him later.

Elias: I am still here you know.

The acting when John finishes the statement. The starting and stopping to speak. The sheer weariness even as he still clearly freaked out by being able to read in a language he doesn’t speak. Fantastic.

Martin is also a good character. Wanna give him a hug.

[iceeckos12]

tma fic recs

I’ve seen a couple of fic rec posts floating around. since ive been reading so many excellent fic recently, i thought that id make one as well! please note this list is going to be 99% jonmartin. also buckle up, because this is going to get long.

Completed

the umbrella by Wildehack (tyleet)

"And to think—all of Jonah Magnus’ carefully laid plans, the centuries of scheming, the murders, the sacrifices, all of that work could have been completely undone if Martin Blackwood had gone back for an umbrella" - holdthosebees

Notes: This is probably my go-to fic if i want an apocalypse never happened scenario. The jonmartin is wonderful, as is the h/c.

Diary and Prenon-nous la main by luftballoons99

Diary summary:

Not for the first time since they ran away together, a camera reel of all the things they don't know about one another whirs behind Martin's eyes, and he can't help but look at all the sprawling magnetic tape and wonder if they’re going to wind up a romance or a tragedy.

or: Office parties, garage bands, and the joy of being known.

Prenon-nous la main summary:

They still haven't talked about it, any of it, not even to pass the time on the long train ride to Scotland. Instead, Martin fell asleep in the seat next to him, pressed into his side from shoulder to knee, and Jon thought about love confessions and verb tense and how the two fit together when you think you're dying.

or: Good cows, mediocre poetry, and other crucial topics of discussion.

Notes: Do you love impeccable safehouse jonmartin characterization? do you love characters grappling with the mortifying ordeal of being known? do you love softness so tender that it makes you want to weep? please read these fic. im begging you.

i’ll tell you about all the times i’ve smiled because of you by cryptidkidprem

Summary:

Martin thinks about their shoes, sitting beside each other on the floor by the bed. Thinks of the way Jon wears Martin’s cardigans more often than he wears his own, the way Martin’s started keeping elastics around his wrist because Jon always forgets his own when they go out.

He thinks about all the gentle touches and fussing over each other they’ve done, and how much is still to come over the next… however long Jon will have him.

They have a long way to go, an entire life to build out of the wreckage Jonah Magnus and Peter Lukas left them, but laying together in a comfortable, sleepy quiet, Martin thinks they’ve got a good start going.

Or, Jon quits the Institute, saves the world, and it turns out to be exactly what he needs in order to heal and start moving forward towards building a life with Martin.

Notes: how many times have i reread this fic? more than i can count. jon quits the institute and it’s just full of soft jonmartins. they get married! god i love them.

go softly by doomcountry

Summary:

And there is nothing else besides this.

Notes: every time i remember this fic i reread it. please heed the tags because martin is blinding jon, but he’s like. blinding jon in the most heartbreaking way possible. idk how the author made this so tender but i know i was certainly crying so!

The Reverb in These Holy Halls by  Wolftraps (AlwaysBoth)

Summary:

Undoing the apocalypse would have been enough for Jon, if all his people survived. Without them, Jon's only recourse is making it so it never happened in the first place. He's going to do better this time.

Notes: Do you like time travel fixits? i sure like time travel fixits. reverb is an excellent one. heavy on the h/c, I wanted to hug jon so so badly. 

Yesterday is Here by  CirrusGrey

Summary:

"Who the hell are you?" Jon could feel his hands shaking. The man laughed, taking a step forward and raising a hand to point at him. "I'm you, from the future!" he said, then swayed, eyes going unfocused, and collapsed to the floor in a dead faint. -------- Post-season-four Jon and Martin time travel back to the season one Archives.

Notes: Yet another time travel fixit! also excellent. the teasing was HYSTERICAL. also Im just going to say this now - CirrusGrey in general writes incredible tma fic. You can’t really go wrong.

unassigned supplementals by  bibliocratic 

Notes: I won’t put in a summary just because it’s a long series of oneshots, but bibliocratic’s writing is amazing. Again, you can’t really go wrong with one of their fic!

let the soft animal of your body by autoclaves

Summary:

Standing in the warm kitchen, slats of sepia light filtering through onto the counter in front of him, Martin doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He half expects them to go through the countertop entirely, glossy and solid as it is. He isn’t used to any of it, yet. The safehouse. Jon. Beams of sun pouring into his hands. After being deprived of everything of significance for so long, the longing that crashes over him is almost painful in its tangibility. He wants to laugh, to sob, to scream and hear it echoed back against the neat, square walls of the safehouse.

In the end, he doesn’t do any of these things. He makes eggs instead. He can do that, can’t he? Use his hands for something simple and plain and good.

(Or: In the safehouse after it all, Martin starts cooking.)

Notes: this fic really speaks to me a) because i project on martin like crazy and b) because food is also my love language. this fic is incredibly soft and it’s all about cooking!

“Have you tried turning it on and off again?” by shinyopals

Summary:

I hope you find your new role as Head of the Institute as rewarding as captaining the Tundra, wrote Elias Bouchard, to Peter Lukas. There are so many people working there: all with their own interesting lives, and all desiring your attention and support. I'm sure you will relish the challenge it will bring and enjoy every moment spent with the fine men and women of the Institute. In time I'm confident they'll become like a family to you.

The Magnus Institute has a new boss. The Magnus Institute also has a new tech support technician. These two facts are unrelated, except they both happen at the same time.

Meanwhile Jon's woken up from being dead for six months and for once he's trying his best. He just wishes Martin would stop avoiding him and answer his messages...

Notes: if you’re looking for a good laugh, this fic is SO SO SO FUNNY. i was dying. basically the magnus institute being an absolute bureaucratic nightmare.

hello my old heart  by  firebirdsuite

Summary:

Peter’s wrong, of course. When it’s all over, Martin does still want to tell Jon everything. It’s just—well, there’s a few things they need to work through first before they can get there.

Martin and Jon find each other again in Scotland.

Notes: it’s all about the yearning. and trust me, the yearning in this fic? im just. i sure do love jonmartin, and this is such soft, loving jonmartin it just makes you want to cry

two ships passing by pyrites

Summary:

Gerard Keay is 10 years old the very first time he tries to run away from home, right around the time that Jonathan Sims has just come into possession of his first Leitner.

Or: One dropped stone can change the way the whole ocean moves.

Notes: again, JONGERRY. MY GOODNESS. this fic is beautiful, the writing is absolutely breathtaking and it owns my heart. im so in love with it. the author said you’re going to have emotions about jon and gerry and jongerry and i said OKAY

Terminal Sight by viv_is_spooky

Summary:

Spider silk weaves through the visions of two Seers. Monstrosity is dawning on them both.

Notes: I’d never read a gerryoliver fic before this, but the execution is EXCELLENT and now im sold on the ship forever. This fic has wonderful prose and great characterization and i love it a whole lot.

Incomplete

assistant archivist au by  PitViperOfDoom

Notes: I won’t put a summary since I’m reccing an entire series, but. it is absolutely no secret that i adore jongerry. pit’s assistant archivist au slapped me over the head with some gorgeous jongerry oneshots and then gave me the gift of the main fic (which is still in progress) about head archivist martin. i love this au so so much

dustsceawung by  callmearcturus

Summary:

Martin had always been favored by the summer courts, and moving up north to the little village of Lacuna is a difficult adjustment. It's rainy and lonely and everyone seems to have a strange, distant relationship with the local faerie court.

However: there is a strange man in a cloak who walks past Martin's remote little cottage every few days.

However: there is a moth that keeps getting stuck in Martin's house during the rain.

These events are not as disconnected as they first appear.

Notes: you ever just read a fic that you didn’t know that you needed until after you read it? yeah. featuring the fae and moth jon and excellent characterization.

Illicio by ThatOneGirlBehindYou

As the new Archivist debates between life and death, the Eye ponders on what to offer him in order to avoid an encore of the unfortunate situation with his predecessor.

-----

Gerard Keay opens his eyes at what feels like fuck-ass in the morning, inside a room with far too little space and far too much dust.

Notes: This is also the moment where I reveal that im a sucker for jongerrymartin. please read this fic. gerry is brought back from the dead in s4 and everyone is far better off for it.

where there’s a will, we make a way by bubonickitten

Summary:

"So, what does happen if an Eye learns to See within itself?

What happens is this: the Archive Beholds the Watcher – and the Watcher blinks first."

________________________

Jon goes back to before the world ended and tries to forge a different path.

Notes: this time travel fixit is shaping up to be an absolutely incredible read. i love the way this author writes jon so so much, and the characterization is spot on. this whole fic just satisfies some little part of me. god. also!! bubonickitten’s writing in general? beautiful. please check out their other works.

The Timeline of Theseus by Applea

Jon tries to force the Spiral to send him back, but the Sprial's corridors never twist things quite the way you want them to. Back in 1996, Elias has no idea why or how the Eye made such a powerful Avatar out of an 8 year old, especially when said 8 year old doesn't actually know he has any powers at all. Clearly such a child cannot be left outside the Institute's care. 

Notes: This fic is legitimately brilliant. The author manages to capture the big ADHD mood and the precociousness of baby Jon while managing to write a wonderful storyline. Time travel! Elderly lesbians! A Jonah who is wildly in over his head but was walloped over the head with paternal instinct! Baby Gerry! What more could you possibly ask for?

rooms full of people who do not love each other yet by seaer

Summary:

“Wanted to ask about a book.” The boy has his hand on the counter, and he leans into it, nonchalant. The library is air-conditioned, but by no means frigid, and Jon can’t help but feel sweaty just looking at the layers he’s wearing; what looks like old leather over an olive-green Magnus pullover over his school shirt. “Do you have A Journal of the Plague Year?”

Jon says, tetchily, “We’re about to close.”

“I know. Do you have A Journal of the Plague Year?”

Notes: I am so in love with this author’s writing style and the way they write the characters!! The jon and gerry friendship is PERFECT and the character interactions are all darling.

if you read these fics please send the authors some love, they definitely deserve it!! 

[thinkdragonage]

Tevinter Nights

Some mild spoilers within my thoughts on the stories below the cut. I also speculate about what characters I think we might see in DA4.

1. “Three Trees to Midnight” by Patrick Weekes

An odd couple sort of story featuring a Dalish elf and a Tevinter mage (not magister!) trying to escape the Qunari. I imagine we might see the Huntmaster again. I enjoyed it. 

2. “Down Among the Dead Men” by Sylvia Feketekuty

Nevarra is fucking creepy! Maybe we’ll see Myrna again, I don’t know. I had a bit of trouble really getting into this one, and I’m not sure why. 

3. “The Horror of Hormak” by John Epler

WHAT THE FUCK. Ok, I’m glad that I didn’t read any of the WTF reactions about this story before I actually read it, because I imagine that this one might suffer from outsized expectations given a lot of the reaction to it. But coming at it unaware... man did this mess with my head. WHAT THE HELL JOHN EPLER. Has definite and dire implications for the world of DA4, so if you read just one story from this collection, perhaps make it this one. (Actually, I wrote this before I finished and now I think the last story is probably the most essential. But if you read only TWO read this one and that other one.) Also, maybe we’ll meet Ramesh again.

4. “Callback” by Lukas Kristjanson

Skyhold! Sutherland! Solas adjacent content! I don’t know if it’s ‘must read’ but I certainly enjoyed it. I enjoyed the Sutherland story line in Inquisition so it was nice seeing this ‘callback’ (and interesting to see what’s happening with Skyhold post-Inquisition).

5. “Luck in the Gardens” by Sylvia Feketekuty

Lords of Fortune - thieves from Rivain, basically, are definitely going to feature heavily in DA4 if the stories in this collection are any sign. And it’s fun to read a first person story told with such character AND ALSO YAY DORIAN PAVUS! Also some really creepy shit in this one, and a cute kid.

6. “Hunger” by Brianne Battye

Oh god I fell so in love with the two wardens in this story. Do you ship them? I ship them. This felt very much like a DA: Origins tale... like it could have happened to Alistair and the Warden easily. We didn’t really learn anything groundbreaking lore-wise (aside from the Wardens all fucking off to Weisshaupt now, but I think we knew that already) but it was still a charming read.

7. “Murder” by Death Mages by Caitlin Sullivan Kelly

Sidony!! I absolutely adored all of the Multi-Player characters so it was a pleasant surprise to see one appear here, and she’s AMAZINGLY GRUMPY. I love her. And yes, DA4 will be filled with Wardens, Lords of Fortune and Mortalitasi (probably companions of all flavors).

8. “The Streets of Minrathous” by Brainne Battye

This one felt like a crime procedural with incompetent Templars taking the place of incompetent cops. (Only they’re not as bad as cops, somehow). It had a very DA2 vibe to it, aside from taking place in Minrathous. A good yarn, but not as memorable as some of the others.

9. “The Wigmaker Job” by Courtney Woods

SPEAKING OF MEMORABLE. This one is just about as horrifying as the Horror of Hormak, though with slightly less lore implications. Oh and yeah, I forgot to mention CROWS. We are definitely getting a Crow companion in DA4 and I’m going to call it now: his name is Lucanis Dellamorte and I’m going to romance the fuck out of him.

10. “Genitivi Dies in the End” by Lukas Kristjanson

One of the very best stories in the lot! An adventuring party made up of some of Thedas’ most famous writers (excluding Tethras, though he does get a mention) goes searching for secrets related to the Dread Wolf. They reveal precious little of actual lore in this story, but I’m sure we’ll hear about their discoveries in the next game. Oh and we will definitely definitely meet Rasaan, the qunari who pursues them, again, though likely as an adversary and not a companion.

11. “Herold Had the Plan” by Ryan Cormier

Just a good yarn with great characters that could have been set in any fantasy world but just happens to be in Thedas. Maybe we’ll get Bharv as a companion but I kind of hope we don’t. 

12. “An Old Crow’s Old Trick’s” by Arone Le Bray

GIVE US LESSEF OF THE ANTIVAN CROWS AS A COMPANION YOU COWARDS. Best Crow ever? I know, I know... Zevran... but Lessef is an old lady! She’s amazing! I love her. Great story.

13. “Eight Little Talons” by Courtney Woods

Another favorite. Someone called this story the horniest of the lot and well... it is about a group of high level Antivan Crows. I’d be disappointed if it wasn’t horny. I’m sure we’ll see some of these folks again once we recruit Lucanis (especially his grandfather). This felt like a classic Agatha Christie tale, so I was bound to love it.

14. “Half Up Front” by John Epler

Oh god I LOVED THIS ONE. Mage and her hot elven girlfriend save a whole town... it’s just great. Oh yeah, have I mentioned the Qunari and the whole rogue Antaam attacks? Definitely going to be a big part of DA4. So many big parts. 

15. “The Dread Wolf Take You” by Patrick Weekes

Holy crap, this one probably has the most clues as to what we’ll be dealing with in DA4. I just finished it and still need to digest it, but I think it was executed really well with the nameless characters and three different narrators. And that ending. Ugh! Also, I love Charter.

Overall, this might be my favorite Dragon Age book yet. Felt like we got a wealth of information and characters to mull over in the coming YEARS while we wait for the next game, more so than just a standalone regular novel would give. 

My only regret is getting a physical copy instead of the kindle version, because you know what? I know I’m going to want to reread sections and that’ll be easier on my old ass eyes on a kindle :P (Also, can search for words/phrases, that kind of shit.) So I might buy it again on Kindle b/c I’m a big sucker. Does anyone want my copy? Assuming you’re in the US please.

[zevons]

what are your favorite EVERRRRR football fics?

The first thing I did when I saw this in my inbox was zip over to my handy dandy excel doc of fics I like and filter for football rpf.

WOW, okay self. So I scrolled through and opened up the ones I remembered particularly adoring, trying to be selective and

…alright then.

So what you see here is a list, painstakingly teased out and compiled and highly angsted over! There are so many excellent fics out there, goddamn. These are the ones that I return to over and over, and I also tried to get a good cross-section of some of my favourite pairings, because honestly I have 43 gerlonso fics alone to choose from and wanted to get a wider selection. (Also hey, my excellent followers! Please add what fics I’ve forgotten/whack me over the head with a newspaper for leaving out your faves.)

As Far As You and Me Go - distira: Pep Guardiola/José MourinhoFULL DISCLOSURE: I AM SO WEAK FOR THIS ~NARRATIVE IT IS EMBARRASSING. It’s so trope-y it could have been scripted for television. And this is, imo, the best fic out there for them, and a brilliant read besides. Even if you’re not into the pairing I can’t recommend it enough, as by nature of the ship it’s sort of the opposite of a getting-together story. (Also Sharon refused to read it for ages and ages bc ew, Mou, but I broke her down and she agreed it was good SO THERE.) The slow collapse of their relationship, the underlying nastiness on both sides, the scheming, conniving…this is the perfect example of ‘like a trainwreck; it’s terrible but you cannot look away’. You just have to keep on reading in a sort of fascinated horror as they go about carving their way through to their various victories, and at the end it’s impossible to be sure that they’ve even lost anything of value. If someone asked me to explain José Mourinho to them, I would probably give them Jonathan Wilson’s excellent article in the actual, real life Guardian, and this fic. SERIOUS BUSINESS. 

Being Young and Famous is Not a Consolation Prize - synaesthetical: Thomas MüllerA lot of these fics are Spain/England-based, but do not be fooled. On my deathbed, when my family is gathered around my withered corpse, weeping as I slowly fade from this life, one of my favoured great-grandchildren will ask, ‘Sabina, did you lead a happy life? What was your finest moment?’ And I will gaze up at the ceiling through my cataracts and say, smiling with true joy, ‘Yes, my life was fulfilled. Germany won the World Cup in 2014.’ AND THEN I WILL DIE. This particular fic is not about 2014, it is about 2010, but the point stands. If you love Germany NT, or feel, y’know, not hatred towards them, then please read it because it captures so wonderfully the tone of that tournament and that squad. Old enough to know better, but young enough to have a second chance when the time comes. This is one of those fics that I think really exemplifies not only a good story, but a good piece of football writing as well. That World Cup feeling, deliriously, dangerously happy, and at the same time how deadly serious this is. How deadly serious football is. It’s light, lovely writing, and it hits hard. 

eDisharmony - ascience: Benedikt Höwedes/Mats HummelsI’m not even going to pretend like this fic doesn’t hold the massive cool award of being the fic that inspired me to get back into writing. I gotta love myself, yknow! It’d been five-ish years since I’d written any fic of substance (I think I only posted about 4,000 words in total in that time) and then wham, I read this fic, fell entirely in love, and decided to jump on the train. And just so you know I’m not entirely biased, I reread it like a week ago and yes, it’s still hilarious, 10/10 would restart my fic career again. The dialogue and the pacing bounce along so gleefully in this story, you really have to be eating popcorn while reading. There’s a wonderfully joyful irreverence and so many shenanigans. Sooo many shenanigans. The style of the humour is also just infectious. It’s fun, there’s no better way to say it. This is a fun fic. It also has the added pleasure of reminding me just why I love/hate forums. Ohhh forums. Bring back forums! I’ve lurked on ONTD-F too long to ever properly participate and r/soccer is full of manchildren. 

Filling Up the Space - luxover: Xabi Alonso/Steven GerrardThis isn’t exactly what you would think of as ‘traditional’ gerlonso (and forreal, it’s such an Institution by this point that it’s practically spawned its own subgenres. That’s when you know a pairing has really made it.) and so it’s always stuck out to me. It’s mean, in a way that this pairing usually isn’t, and I find it absolutely fascinating. I also love this Steven; a bit harsher, a bit harder, a bit more destructive than usually shows up in fic. I mention it later down this list in a different rec but fic!Stevie has a tendency to become a bit soppy, and this is a man who would kill for his club, grim but determined. This is a divorce fic, more or less, and the way that it pulls all the threads apart to show why they were woven together in the first place is…I don’t want to say chilling, because that makes it sound like a horror story or something, but it definitely gives you pause. Idk, I just really appreciate it. (By the way it does have a happy ending, if a lack thereof would have turned you off. On the other hand, if you’ve been jaded to gerlonso and are just sick to the teeth of them, this might be the thing to draw you back in! Incredibly compelling read.)

Good Timing - Ferritin4: Xabi Alonso/Steven GerrardI couldn’t even tell you how many times I’ve read this fic. I love future fic, love love looove it, and this is possiblymaybedefinitely my favourite of the genre. Xabi is managing Real Madrid and Stevie is a pundit and it is glorious. Their voices are so perfectly written, it’s the kind of fic where I have to set aside twice as long to read it as I usually would, because I inevitably end up reading and rereading almost every line, just to really savour the dialogue and the pacing. And the pining! Oh, the pining. Stevie and Xabi are so perfectly characterised, and in such generous characters. That’s really the only way I can think to describe them. Generous. The fic is warm and funny, and so comfortable. You can really tell that they’ve been friends for decades, and how deeply important that friendship has been to both of them. Also did I mention the pining? Oh god, the pining. It is delicious. 

look back in anger - neyvenger: Jamie Carragher/Gary NevilleIf you like rivalshipping and you haven’t read any Carraville fics, WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING. I don’t care if you’re only vaguely, guiltily fond of Liverpool and still haven’t forgiven Manchester United for doing All That Winning in the most formative years of your footballing life, filling you with the kind of simmering rage that probably won’t go away until you die. (What, talking from experience? Nah m8, this is a hypothetical. Haha. Hah. sigh) I don’t care!! It’s a great pairing that managed to escape the boundaries of being a crack ship and has somehow strayed dangerously close to being the best ship in the business! And if you like Carraville and haven’t read this fic, THEN I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO YOU UNTIL YOU SIT YOURSELF DOWN AND READ IT. There’s time-travel! There’s enemies-to-friends-to-enemies-to-friends! Bb!Carra putting in tackles! At one point David Beckham is described as having “the air of a lazy cat”, which made my deep and enduring crush on said David Beckham cry out for mercy. THIS FIC HAS EVERYTHING.

Sandbox - scheherazade: Michael Ballack/Alexi LalasDo you like nonsense? Do you like obnoxious Americans? Do you like obnoxious Germans? How about a lot of insufferability on both sides, a whole lot of pigtail pulling, and people being Wrong in football analysis? Then this pairing is for you! Micha was my first football crush and I will forever thank whoever decided that he would make a good analysis partner for Alexi Lalas. There’s something so great about that footage from 2012, whenever Alexi says something and you can actually witness the incredulity in Michael’s face as he prepares to utterly and irrefutably shoot down whatever ridiculous statement he’s just heard. God bless! I just love these confrontational ships. They deserve a mountain of fic but with ones as good as this, I’m satisfied. They dance the line between dickiness and idiocy with such delight, you almost find yourself rooting against them because they probably don’t deserve it, even if good-hearted golden retriever Taylor Twellman is pulling for those crazy kids. This is a funny fic, and they’re such a wonderful odd couple, but if you’re like me and are consistently being emotionally tortured by the 2006 World Cup/Euro 2008/Michael Ballack’s general life and career, then you will also appreciate the underlying disappointment of a man behind a desk when he just wants to be out on the grass. 

Supertyp - imkerin: Pep Guardiola/Philipp LahmLAUGHS WILDLY INTO THE VOID OHHHH MY GOD this fic exposed me for the wreck of human being that I am, because I seriously seriously did not mean to ship this beyond like, a thought experiment, and then this fic happened and I was forced to come to terms with the fact that wow, I am All About This. Pep and Philipp’s mutual appreciation society finds its beginnings, Pep is exploratory, Philipp is cautious, José Mourinho is a ruinous individual who knows just when and where to twist the knife, I am fired into the sun by the United Nations for being entirely not okay. I was vaguely keeping it together until this fic. And so naturally, I reread it like, every other week. Every word is perfectly placed and every exchange is shoot to kill. The characters in this fic don’t do anything out of the ordinary for their jobs, but you get the sense that if they were in politics or poisons they would be frightening. 

they were a long hallway - madanach: Bastian Schweinsteiger/Lukas PodolskiTen years for this shit, man. Schweinski is one of those long-term, rock solid ships that you can rely on to like, have made you dinner when you get home from a twelve hour shift and pour you a fourth glass of wine without asking if you’ve maybe had too much. It’s always gonna be there, even though they’ve had their shaky moments. Despite those shaky moments and a lot of awkward growing up, it’s also a ship that can somehow seem easy. It can somehow seem like they don’t have to work for it. This fic has them work for it. There’s messiness and idiocy and some amazing fun times and some shitty low times. This fic is like the Bildungsroman for schweinski. It’s not clear-cut and it’s not straightforward: in life you get all tangled up and are sometimes tempted to just chop your way out, Gordian Knot-style, but you just can’t do that, y’know? This fic does such a good job with the tangling and the untangling, I feel like it validates a lot of the nonsense I got into in my Youth. Even though I’ll probably never win the World Cup as payoff, but still.

This Bitch of a Country - Rave: Xabi Alonso/Steven Gerrard[quiet wailing noise] nnngnggjhgn okay I said I was going to try and mix up the ships in this list but look!! look. Gerlonso is like, the ultimate holy fucking grail and there’re simply too many good fics not to throw more than one in here. Also it would be a crime not to include this one, which manages to be hilarious and heartbreaking, comforting and cruel, all at once. There’s something about mid-2000s Liverpool that will never fail to make my breath catch, this sort of tragic magnificence that achieved so goddamn much and yet…and yet. (Read this fantastic article from gone-too-soon Grantland, because this fic understands that atmosphere. Also I blame Thierry Henry entirely for validating my soft spot for this club. He set such a precedent!) There’s familiarity here, and anger, and the sort of hopeless love that makes you want to weep your goddamn eyes out. This fic manages to show the hurt on both sides without woobifying anyone out of recognition (and look…I love a good woobie as much as the next person but sometimes gerlonso gets skewed a bit too much in one direction or the other, with Stevie either being a helpless weepy ruin or Xabi being run out of everyone’s hearts on a rail, which can be great if you’re in the mood but a little bit of perspective is nice. And this fic has perspective in fucking droves.) 

tripas y corazón - Hyb: Iker Casillas/Sergio RamosThis fic will have you on the fucking floor. One of the inspirations behind football fic is, of course, the personalities and the relationships: who are these people, how do they interact, what ties them together. But another aspect is of course the clubs. Some of the best football fics are the ones that can really dig into the clubs, which are really sort of nebulous entities defined mostly by the players and the supporters. This fic uses the entity of Real Madrid to devastating effect. It’s a seriker fic, but it’s also very much a fic about the love affair between Iker and Real, and how thorny and complicated such a love affair can be. (Do you ever cry your eyes out about Iker Casillas? Do you ever wish you could throw yourself into a volcano as a sacrifice to make his life easier and happier? JOIN ME TODAY!) There’s something about the prose that brings everything out into a kind of harsh definition. As you read, you think that you can see what’s happening but then it does happen, and you feel winded, somehow. Blindsided. As a bonus, there’s also a cryptic and unhelpful Xabi cameo, in utterly classic style. Read and enjoy, read and die slowly inside because your life is a mess and you never even really supported  Real Madrid what has happened!!!!! here!!!!!!

und wenn ein lied - scheherazade: Philipp Lahm, Bastian Schweinsteiger, genThis is a difficult fic, okay. It’s not a nice fic, I guess, definitely not a happy fic, and it’s a tricky subject. It’s hosted on lj but if it had been written yesterday on AO3 there would be a lot of warning tags. Essentially it deals with homophobia in the sport, and whether or not players should come out or not. It’s a serious story and more than a little bit heartbreaking, but it’s a brilliant read and I can’t recommend it highly enough. Maybe I’m a little bit biased, because I love Fips and this fic can be seen as a kind of vindication for some disagreeable comments he made back in 2011 that got the fandom all a-spinning and it was generally not a great time. (On a side note, it is really interesting to read today and see just how much these politics have changed in the past- oh, fuck me, six years? Jesus I feel old) So definitely a huge YMMV warning on this one, but it remains one of my favourites. It’s beautifully written and really delves into various characters and the tightropes that they walk.

vainglory - anemoi: Raúl González/José María GutiérrezI blame two culprits for my complicated Thing with Real Madrid. The first is Iker Casillas and his unfairly beautiful face/hands, and the second is this fic. Because it’s fine to have a long-lasting crush on a player, but when you start delving into a club’s legends and becoming invested in the story lines? Then, my friend, you have a problem. There’s something gloriously sparse about the prose of this fic. It’s like a thin jacket in late fall that isn’t quite keeping you warm, so you just have to pull it tighter around yourself even though you keep shivering. There are so many descriptive passages that make you shudder: orange streetlights, oranges from a cart on the streets. There’s a sense of desperation in the bones of this fic, which is so stark against the backdrop of the club and the responsibility placed on the captain and vice-captain. Strength on the pitch contrasted with open vulnerability in quieter, more private moments. Breath-taking and just- ugh. This one really made an impact on me, and is always going to be one of my favourite Raúl/Guti stories amid a multitude of excellence. 

….

good grief, I know I’ve forgotten so many (and will in all probability wake up in the middle of night tonight in abject horror because how could I have forgotten such-and-such fic! And so-and-so!) but here you go, thirteen fics that I love and adore. All of these authors, too, have incredible oeuvres that are worth checking out! I could talk forever about fic and honestly, come ramble with me because yayy literary criticism! and also crying about footballers! etc etc

If you’ve read this far, I commend you. Thanks for the opportunity to talk your ear off!