#i was looking up at a cow and 2 seconds later i was on the ground

[cinnamonbunwithgun]

Yes and EVERY TIME I HAVE BEEN ATTACKED.

I'm sure lots of people have multiple Cow Experiences so just pick the one where you were in the closest proximity to the Bovine.

Also feel free to describe your favorite Cow Experience in the tags

[houseofripley]

Save A Horse Ride A Cowgirl

Rhea Ripley x Fem!Reader

WARNINGS: SMUT 18+, Cunnilingus, Strap-On, Riding, Orgasm Denial, Fingering (for like 2 seconds. don’t blink), Light Degradation, Spanking, Backshots, Lil bit of a mommy kink.

WORD COUNT: 2,736

A/N: -panting and out of breath- honey! it took me 800 hours but your oneshot is finished!

seriously tho sorry for the mid! writers block was beating my ass during this for no reason

Survivor Series, the day the wrestling community waited months for. You were sat at the edge of the bed in your hotel room, staring into the loud TV, waiting for your girlfriend to make her appearance for her match against Zoey Stark. 

You were supposed to be there but of course Rhea’s magment had fucked up their dates, leaving you without a pass to the event.

It killed both of you knowing you wouldn’t be backstage to cheer on Rhea. 

Anytime a pay-per-view even came around you’d clear your entire schedule just to support and help Rhea prepare. She took such good care of you it was the least you could do. Although you couldn’t physically be at the arena you still flew out to Chicago to at least be able to spend a little bit of time with Rhea.

You were pulled away from your train of thought as Rhea’s music soon started blaring through the stadium, “And her opponent, representing The Judgment Day, she is the women's world champion, Rhea Ripley!” The announcer yelled out as Rhea made her entrance, wearing what was possibly the sexiest gear she has ever worn.

“Holy shit-” You mumbled to yourself, leaning forward trying to get a closer look. Rhea looked insane. Her hair was in a faux mohawk, stripes of eyeliner ran over her eyes in a lighting strike pattern, black lipstick was smudged onto her right cheek. 

Rhea’s eyes never broke contact with the camera lens as she made her way down the ramp, she knew you'd be right on the receiving end of her gaze.

Once Rhea made her way into the ring you were able to catch a good glimpse at her gear. She sported a black vest over a black and white plunge top that was split down the middle, her shorts following the same theme while her boots displayed a cow print. But the bread and butter of this outfit was the black assless chaps. 

This outfit had to have been the reason Rhea was so protective over her suitcase these past few days. 

You sat eagerly watching the match, which was short yet action packed. Rhea had thrown Zoey around like she was nothing the entire match, your mind couldn't help but wonder what it’d look like if Rhea had manhandled you in the same way.

Rhea had retained her title with ease, barely breaking a sweat during the length of her match. You were quick to pick up your phone and congratulate her,

Y: YOU DID IT LOVEEEE!!!! and you looked good as hell while doing it….

Rhea replied about ten minutes later with a full body mirror selfie to show off her look, this time with an addition of a black cowboy hat and her hair out of the faux mohawk.

R: thank you baby, my hair wouldn’t fit in my hat so we had to ditch that plan :/ 

Y:  god damn! ditch wrestling and become a cowboy! 

Y: it’s so unfair i don’t get to see you like that rn urghhh

R: i know baby, i promise i’ll make it up to you tonight. look, i gotta go do a few things, i’ll see you in an hour or two okay?

Y: you better…now shoo and don’t keep me waiting for you all night

You huffed as you dropped your phone down onto your lap. The wait for Rhea had officially begun. 

There was one match left before the main war games match. Knowing Rhea would make an appearance in that last match you decided to rile her up a bit beforehand. 

You made your way to your suitcase and began searching for the new lingerie set you had bought just days ago while Rhea was training. You pulled out a bra made of intricate lacing along with the matching crotchless panties and garter belt. 

Once you had slipped into the lace you stationed yourself in front of the mirror. You used your free hand to grope your breast as you snapped a photo and sent it to Rhea.

Y: excited to see mami on my screen.

R: naughty girl…

R: are you really trying to get yourself into trouble right now?

Y: well i just figured since mami sent me such a sexy pic earlier i’d return the favor. i can send another one if you'd like…

You didn’t give Rhea the opportunity to reply before you snapped another picture, this time slightly rotating to your side to catch the curvature of your ass.

Seen at 9:36 pm.

You stared at your phone waiting for her reply but attention was pulled away as you heard The Judgment Day being announced, Rhea was nowhere to be seen as they made their entrance. You pouted as you laid down in the bed, your knees slightly spread as you watched in anticipation for Rhea’s appearance.

After a long match, intense and still no reply Rhea finally arrived at the end of the match, she came barreling down the ramp, this time wearing her cowboy hat with Priest’s MITB briefcase clenched in her hands.

You quickly took the opportunity to send Rhea a picture of your hand resting in between your thighs as she paraded on the screen in front of you. 

Y: just remembered a quote, something about save a horse, ride a cowgirl…

Another waiting game began. As much as you loved seeing Rhea clearly flustered on the screen you couldn’t wait for her to get to the locker room and see the message you left for her.

After a failed cash-in and two surprise returns from Randy Orton and CM Punk the main event finally came to a close, meaning Rhea was finally able to return to her phone. You picked up your phone to view your previous message exchanges with Rhea.

A text bubble appeared, indicating Rhea was on the other side drafting up her response. You chewed down on your cheek eagerly watching your phone. 

The text bubble disappeared.

Seen at 10:24pm.

You whined to yourself, a wetness growing between your legs. You attempted to make multiple calls to Rhea, only for each and every one of them to be ignored. You slumped into the bed, giving up on making contact with the woman.

Just moments later a banner popped up at the top of your phone,

R: face down ass up. you have two minutes.

Rhea had finally given you the attention you were craving. You needed her touch badly, so you gladly obeyed her demands getting into position in the center of the bed. Your face sunk into your pillow while your bare cunt peeked through the gap of your crotchless panties as you took in the sensation of the crisp hotel air that kissed your wetness.

You soon heard the quiet unlatching of the door followed by shuffling fabric. You peeked over to see Rhea, in that damn cowboy hat, discarding her streetwear to reveal the gear you’d been fawning over all night.

Rhea’s gaze was fixed on your arching back as she crept her way towards you. 

“Such a little slut for me,” Rhea husked, her weight sinking onto the bed as you waved your ass in the air. She took a moment to admire the sight of your wet cunt glistening in the dimmed light. 

“Just the thought of Mami has you all worked up.” Rhea relished, her hands skimming over the delicate skin of your ass before dropping a slap down onto you, causing a muffled yelp to leave your mouth.

Rhea moved her pointer finger to your heat and began to trace the skin around your wetness. Her finger took its time inching towards your hole before being pushed into you at a painfully slow pace, making you whine out into your pillow“Mami, please.” 

“What a needy girl.” Rhea taunted, watching you squirm against her finger, “Such a wreck already...” She hummed in response to your whining when she pulled her finger out of you. 

Both Rhea’s hands took ahold of your ass cheeks giving them a squeeze before she brought her face just centimeters from your aching heat. Shivers snuck up your spine as her heavy breaths brushed against your wetness. Her lips wrapped around you, her tongue beginning to draw circles perimitering your clit.

Rhea then pulled back and spat onto your cunt causing a high pitched ‘fuck’ to leave your mouth. She hummed to herself in satisfaction while she took you back into her mouth. Her hands still clenched to your ass as she began devouring you, acting as if she was having her final meal. 

All you could do was cling to the bedsheets and cry out into your pillow as Rhea took as much of you as she could in her mouth, her tongue piercing reaching brand new places. Due to your current position the tip of Rhea’s nose was repeatedly brushing against your entrance, adding fuel to the fire that was burning inside you.

“Gonna cum, Mami!” You pulled your head up from your pillow and moaned out. 

You could feel Rhea scoff against you before prying herself off your cunt, “No you’re not,” She groused, withdrawing all touch from you. “Such a spoiled girl, thinking you get to cum after teasing me when I’m working.”

“Please Mami! I’ll do anything- Just touch me, let me cum.” You pleaded, turning your head to look back at her with scrunched brows.

“You can beg all you want…but we both know that you won't cum until I say so.” Rhea’s tone was smug as she stood up from the bed. “Now…stay there and don’t even think about moving.” She growled on, making her way into the bathroom before closing the door behind her. 

You humphed to yourself, letting your head fall down to your pillow. It took everything in you to restrain your hands from touching yourself, but you knew if Rhea ever caught you pleasuring yourself she would push you to your breaking point. 

Several minutes had passed, your orgasm that was once near had seemingly wandered off. Your eyes were focused on the bathroom door as the knob rotated and Rhea emerged. Her shorts had disappeared and been replaced with a black strap-on…yet her chaps were still on. The sight alone had you arching your back as she lurched towards you.

“Look at you…all ready for Mami’s cock.” She murmured, crawling up behind you. She spat onto the silicon and slowly began jerking herself off, spreading her saliva over the toy before prodding at your slick coated entrance.

“Mami-” You purred out as the tip of Rhea’s toy pressed into your needy hole. Your walls were soon engulfing the entirety of her length. 

You had little to no time to adjust to her girth before she started ripping into you, leaving you at a loss for words. One of her hands was clamped to your hip while the other delivered a sharp slap to your ass before grabbing a fistful of your hair. “This is what you wanted isn’t it-” She groaned out while your cunt pulsed around her toy. “Sending me pictures of you whoring around the room, you were just begging to be ruined.”

The only sounds leaving your mouth were jumbled vowels mixed in with moans, she had you completely unable to form a sentence. You were powerless as Rhea pulled you up by your arms, bringing your back to press against her chest. 

You threw your head back against her shoulder as her hand trailed down to your clit, massaging quick circles against your swollen bud while continuing her merciless strokes.

“Don’t even think about it.” She whispered as you squirmed against her, letting out constant whines. Her free hand reached to wrap around your throat as you began rolling your hips back against Rhea. “Already fucking yourself against Mami’s cock?” She harshly questioned, her fingers adding more pressure against your clit, forcing a scream to come from your mouth.

“Such a slut.” Rhea lowly stated, letting go of the hold she had on you before pushing you back down to the bed. Her thrusts came to a halt as you rocked yourself on her cock. Her hand dropped a bitter spank on your skin, signaling for you to quicken your pace.

Rhea allowed you to fuck yourself on her strap while she caught her breath and admired the view she had of you. But your motions were abruptly cut off by Rhea’s hands firmly gripping your hips. You whimpered as she pulled herself out of you, leaving you empty.

Rhea flipped you onto your back before pulling you to sit upright. “You wanna ride Mami’s cock don’t you,” Her hoarse voice spoke, her hand moving to place her hat onto your head. You nodded, looking up to her with needy eyes while shifting to sit on your knees. “Use your words, princess.” She warned as her fingers gripped your jaw, taking control over you.

“Please, I've been waiting all night, Mami.” You swallowed, your breath shaking in anticipation as your hips wiggled with excitement.

“That’s it, good girl.” She hummed in approval, dropping the grip she had on your jaw. She brought herself to the head of the bed, resting her back on the headboard. You crawled up to her lap and situated your entrance to hover over Rhea’s tip. 

Your hands clutched Rhea’s shoulders as you began sinking yourself onto her length while moaning her name. As your hips started gradually bouncing, Rhea’s hands found themselves resting against your waist.

Meanwhile the pairs of your lips collided into a sloppy kiss. You whined into Rhea’s mouth, the piercing on her tongue brushing against your lip as her hands trailed to cup your breasts. Your eyes were glued shut as swayed yourself up and down Rhea’s length.

The overwhelming sense of pleasure was already washing over you. The combination of Rhea’s lips wandering to your neck, her digits toying with your nipples, and her cock being swallowed by your insides had your stomach contracting. 

Your pace picked up in speed as you tightened yourself around Rhea’s girth. As you focused on the movements in your hips Rhea’s attention was centered around your neck and collarbones, working on scattering reddish-purple marks against your skin. 

“Please-Can’t hold on any longer.” You pleaded with the woman through whimpers, your nails beginning to sink deeper into her shoulders. 

Rhea pulled herself from your neck, her hands moved to force your hips all the way to the base of her length. “Just one more minute, can you do that for me?” She questioned, her hands guiding you to rock back and forth.

“Y-Yes Mami,” You whimpered out at the sensation of your clit rocking against the leather band at the base of Rhea’s strap.

As the end of the excruciating sixty seconds neared your motions got sloppier with each motion. Rhea was sure guests in the other rooms  could hear your moans but you didn’t care, your mind was only focusing on not cumming at the exact moment.

“Open your eyes, pretty girl.” Rhea’s accent was thick as she spoke. “I want you to look at me while you cum all over my cock.” She added on while her fingers softly danced around your jawline.

Your eyes darted open once you heard Rhea finally give you permission to release yourself. Your vision was blurred by tears as you stared into Rhea’s oceanic blues. “Fuck-Oh! Mami!” You had barely managed to choke out, just seconds away from your climax. 

“C’mon,” Was the last thing you hear Rhea egg on before your orgasm flooded over you, leaving you crying out moans. Rhea’s hands moved to stabilize your twitching and shaking lower half. Quiet praises left your girlfriend's mouth as she helped you come down from your high. Your swollen lips placed a gentle peck against Rhea’s cheek as insignificant tears fell from your eyes.

“You okay, Princess? I didn’t hurt you did I?” Rhea’s gaze softened while her hands hurried to cup your face. 

You shook your head, giving her a weak smile, “Mm-mm, just felt really good…” You quietly replied as your arms wrapped behind Rhea’s neck. You gave Rhea a gentle smooch as she carefully pulled you off her length, the once black strap was now covered with scattered strings of whiteness.

“Alright, let’s get you cleaned up, pretty girl.”

[moosesarecute]

Part 7: The Shadows Sing

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 8

You were drowning. You felt your hands and foot freeze as you sunk further down into the lake.

You were too weak, so you let your shadows out.

Not even seconds later, they had shadow walked you out of the lake.

However, in front of you wasn’t the beautiful hazel eyes you’d learn to adore, it was Amaranth’s black eyes staring into your soul.

“We’ve got you now. You can’t get away.”

It was Amarantha that was speaking, but the voice was Adrian’s. The illyrian that took your wings.

“I see you’re a shadowsinger,” the voice continued. “We could use one of you on our team.”

You were dying.

“Please don’t run away,” Azriel said the second you opened your eyes. “You need to rest, you have a fever.”

You sat up in your bed and looked around. You were home and safe. The fire was going.

You noticed the presence of your shadows and immediately hid them away.

You felt warm. Not only from the fire, but from the presence of the illyran male that sat before you. You hated to admit it, but you couldn’t hold it back any longer. You didn’t want to run away from him.

Azriel slowly walked towards you with your mug in his hands. You had made it yourself out of tree.

He handed you the mug and you looked down at the content. You had no idea what it was, but it smelled delicious.

“It’s hot chocolate,” Azriel said before you could question him. “It’s chocolate melted and mixed with milk. Remember to blow on it, it’s hot.”

You nodded and did as he said. It was so good, you felt like you were in heaven.

“Where did you get milk?” You asked him.

Milk was something you’d never have money for. Oat milk you were sometimes able to buy, but never cow milk.

“My shadows got it from Velaris,” he answered.

“Velaris?” You asked him. “Is that a store?”

You had never heard about that, but the name told you it was beautiful.

“It’s a city in the Night Court,” Azriel answered. “I live there.”

You thought back to your time in the Night Court. You were always told the court didn’t have any cities other than Hewn City. You’ve never heard about Velaris.

“It had been a secret for over 5000 years,” Azriel explained. He must have seen your confusion. “It only got revealed during the war against Hybern.”

You tried to imagine what your life had been like if you’d live in a city. If you’d know about a city, you could have escaped the war camp easier and probably hidden well enough to not get caught.

“Many other illyrans still does know about it. That’s probably why you don’t know about it either,” Azriel continued hesitantly. “I talked to Rhys.”

You couldn’t stop yourself as you whipped your head towards Azriel.

“Rhys?” You asked him. “Rhys as in Rhysand as in the High Lord of the Night Court, Rhys?”

He only nodded.

“I’m his spymaster,” Azriel told you.

You immediately stood up from your bed. Your now empty mug fell to the floor.

“Why does he want to spy on me? I haven’t done anything wrong. I would’ve died if I didn’t do that I did. I’m not going back.” You rambled.

Azriel stood from your chair and took a step towards you. His arms were lifted, it was like he wanted to hold you, but he soon lowered them again.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he said. “I’m not here to spy on you. Definitely not here because Rhys said so. I’m here because I’m curious about you. I’m also here because I realized I like talking to you. No other reasons.”

It didn’t calm you down. You felt so vulnerable.

You’d let a spy into your home. Not only a spy, but an illyrian spy.

You can’t believe you thought of him as safe.

“You’ve used your five minutes,” you replied with a shaky voice. “The bargain was that you’d leave me alone after the five minutes.”

His eyes widened a little as he shock his head.

“The bargain was that I’d leave you after five minutes of questioning if you told me to leave,” Azriel told you and moved towards you. He lifted his arms again, but this time he put them on your arms. You loved the feeling. One simple touch from him made your anxiety disappear. “Tell me to leave, and I’ll leave.”

You looked deep into his hazel eyes. You didn’t want him to leave. You wanted him to stay. For him to continue holding you.

“I…,” you started, but had to stop.

You heard him draw a sharp breath and felt his shadows in your hair. They then moved to caress your cheeks.

You felt worry spreading through your body. You didn’t understand why, it’s not like he would reject your request for him to stay. He literally just told you he wanted to stay.

That’s when you realized, you felt his emotions. You’d been feeling them ever since the bond snapped for you, but it felt so much stronger.

You realized his grip on your arms had tightened, not in a dangerous manner, but in a protective one.

“It snapped for you too?” You asked him before you even thought about it.

He just nodded as his eyes grew in size.

You almost laughed.

“I don’t want you to leave,” you told him. Knowing he felt as nervous as you did made you confident.

“Then I won’t leave,” he answered determinedly.

“Good,” you said. “I’m going to sleep.”

He let out a small laugh.

You’d slept through the night and woke up to a ready breakfast. You didn’t talk much while eating, you only focused on savoring the taste. You loved the feeling of being full.

“What happened yesterday?” Azriel asked you when you’d both finished eating.

You thought for a second. You felt so embarrassed. You didn’t want him to look at you as weak.

“There are a pair of twins in my hunting group,” you started to explain. “They’re the best of all of us.” You had to draw a breath before you continued. “They thought it funny to pull my prosthetic from my foot and throw it out onto the ice. I had to crawl out to get it and fell through the ice.”

You could see the anger spreading through Azriel’s entire body.

“How did you get out?”

“I waited for them to leave and shadow walked out of the lake,” you explained. “They didn’t want to help me further.”

Azriel tucked his wings back as he thought. He pushed his shoulders back.

“I want to train you,” he explained. “Both in combat and how to control your shadows.”

You didn’t hesitate as you agreed to take his training.

“Balance is the most important part of fighting, both with and without shadows,” Azriel explained to you.

It had been a week since the lake incident and your fever was long gone.

Azriel had met you twice during the week and finally agreed that you were healthy enough for training. What he didn’t know was that you’d been out hunting every day this week and had been categorizing yourself as healthy all along.

The two of you can found a clearing far away from anyone you knew and decided it would be your training spot.

Azriel had his shadows in every direction, so that you would know if anyone got close to where you were.

“We start with your right foot,” Azriel told you next. “You’ll need to balance and I’ll poke you with this stick trying to make you unbalanced. Got it?”

You nodded as you lifted your left foot off the ground.

“Do you always carry all your weight on your right foot when you stand?” Azriel asked you.

You were about to answer him when he poked you with the stick. You used all the strength you had, but managed to stay upright.

“Yes,” you answered him.

“We’ll have to change that,” he explained. “It’s a weakness that’s easy to notice.”

You knew he meant well, but you didn’t like that he talked about your weaknesses. You’d spent your entire life trying to hide your weaknesses and Azriel picked up on the weakest one within minutes of you two training.

You were soon pulled out of your thoughts when the male poked you again with his stick. This time, you didn’t do so well.

You lost balance completely and you were about to step down on your prosthetic leg, when you were covered in shadows.

Not yours, they would never help you like that, but Azriel’s. They felt a lot cooler than yours, but they were careful around you.

They helped you regain your balance and soon you stood still on your right foot once more.

“Our goals is for you to use your own shadows to stabilize you if you loose balance,” Azriel told you. “Just like my shadows just did. That way, we can practice both balance and shadow control at the same time.”

You nodded at him, but you felt like the task would be way too hard. Your shadows never listened to you other than shadow walking. They never liked to take directions from you.

Azriel looked like he was waiting for you and you realized he wanted you to let your shadows loose.

It felt extremely unnatural to let someone else see your shadows, but your shadows were ecstatic.

“Yayyyyy.”

“Friends!!!”

“Mate!”

“Safe!”

They immediately surrounded Azriel and both yours and his shadows started to dance together in the wind.

You liked to see them this happy. Usually they hid away and moved around slowly. You often thought of them as moody teenagers.

“You’re ready?” Azriel asked.

You were still standing on your right foot as Azriel did his best to get you unbalanced.

“Try to get them to help you,” he instructed you.

You drew a big breath and tried to lighten the tone of your voice.

“Can you help me stay balanced?” You asked your shadows. “Please?”

They reacted worse than you expected.

One second they were dancing around with their friends and the next one, they had pushed you so that you ended up on the ground.

You felt your cheeks getting red. You felt so embarrassed you couldn’t control the shadows that were a part of you.

You looked up to Azriel. He stood and held out a hand to help you up. You looked past his hand and glared at him. He wore a smug smile.

“Are you laughing at me?” You asked him. You were pretending to be annoyed, but you couldn’t lie, you’d never be annoyed at him for this.

He shrugged as he helped you stand.

“We’ll change to the other side, okay?”

You moved your weight over to your prosthetic and lifted your right leg off the ground.

“Ready?”

You nodded. You were struggling, so you spent all your energy staying balanced and had no energy left to answer him with words.

Azriel poked you with the stick and you immediately lost balance. You had to set down your right foot and you then spent a few moments before you managed to balance on your prosthetic once more.

You had a long way to go.

Azriel had left after your training session. He gave to you tasks before he left. First one was to practice balance on both your foot and prosthetic. The second one was to become friends with your shadows.

“They’re your companions,” he had said. “You’re supposed to help each other.”

So you decided that for them to be your friends, you had to make them happy. And your shadows loved two things more than everything else. They loved to be out in fresh air and they loved to bother you.

So your daily routine the last week had been you and your shadows, practicing balancing in the clearing you and Azriel had found. You would balance and they would try to overturn you. They were very rough against you, so you fell more times than you should in the beginning. However, your shadows have never been happier.

Throughout the next few weeks you would, after advice from Azriel, let your shadows roam free also when you weren’t with him. You would leave them at home if you left the house to meet with Master Raven and the rest of your hunting team, but you’d bring one that would cling to your tight the entire time.

If you went hunting, they would come with you. They would keep their distance, hiding behind trees or in bushes, but again one of them would always stay close to you.

After a while, they started to argue about who’d stay with you and who’d be on their own. The luckiest one was the one that was allowed to be with you on your adventures.

“My turn!”

“No, my turn!”

“You went last time!”

You learned to know the difference between the shadows and had different inside jokes with all of them.

They finally had become what Azriel had described them as: your companions, your friends.

As winter turned to spring and the nature begun to bloom, so did the relationship between you and your shadows.

However, also the relationship between you and Azriel had bloomed a little.

Not a lot, you were nowhere near accepting the mating bond, but you’d become friends at least. You’d start every training session by talking about what had happened since last.

You’d learn about his family, he’d learn about the people in your hunting group.

You’d told him nothing about why you were hunting or how you ended up in The Middle and he told you nothing about what he was working on. You had a mutual understanding that you both needed time before you could talk about that.

You one thing you knew for sure, you’d never been happier.

@i-have-a-thing-for-the-dark @saltedcoffeescotch @rcarbo1 @mrsjna @kitsunetori @thecraziestcrayon @blessthepizzaman

[imaginesbymonika]

LOML- loss of my life | Part 2

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Plot: You knew him at a time when he didn't, and now he is looking for you...

Warnings: depiction of violence, angst, mentions of (perhaps) death, angst, fluff at the end (maybe), takes place after TFATWS

Previous Chapter | Masterlist (don’t have on rn but im working on it)

Her gaze drifted over to the guard sitting on a chair near the huge metal door. She couldn’t help but scoff dryly when she realized that he was asleep—peacefully snoring. “What a prick.”, she whispered under her breath, before turning back to the Winter Soldier.

And for a brief moment, their eyes met, and he tilted his hair to the side... long brown hair softly falling on his shoulder. She couldn’t help but wonder who he was before all of this. He used to be someone’s baby. Some mother held him in her arms.

The Winter Soldier kept on staring at her. He reckoned that he had stopped wishing for things a long time ago, but in that moment he wished he could have read her mind. Know why she was looking at him with an emotion that wasn’t fear or bitterness. He swallowed thickly.

“I meant what I said, by the way.”, she unexpectedly spoke up, her voice cracking. She cleared her throat instantly:” I do think that you’re a good man, underneath all of this. I don’t know your name, and I doubt you do at this point. But please, try to remember that someone in here believes in you.”

She scanned his features but only saw how his left nostril twitched. “What are you doing?!”, a loud voice suddenly reverberated through the room, making her flinch. A second later, her face made contact with the cold floor. A groan escaped from her lips and when she opened her eyes to look at the grey tiles, there were a few splatters of blood. Her blood.

“You know the rules!”, the guard shouted, pulling her by her upper arm:” No talking to the subject!” His voice was rough and brutal, and the fist that hit her cheekbone was the same. The Winter Soldier watched. He knew what would happen if he attempted to interfere. She knew it too.

“I just…”, Sam began, looking at his sister:” He is distancing himself from me, and I don’t know why. Do you think I said something wrong?” Bucky and Sam were visiting Sarah and the children at her house. Sam’s eyes move over to the window, he watches how Bucky plays with his nephews outside. But even at this moment, there is some bizarre new emotion hiding in the eyes.

“I figure you tried talking to him.” “He’s brushing it off.” Sarah nods and sighs:” Well, I understand that you only want to help him. And I love you for being so caring, but you know him by now. He needs his time. Maybe he is still trying to figure it out himself.” At the sound of her phone ringing, she gets up and walks out of the room.

Sam knows she is right, he scoffs softly. “The Lady with the milk will be here any second.”, Sarah says as she enters the kitchen again:” Do you think you can help me with the cartons?” Her brother only nods.

Outside Bucky perks up at the sound of a vehicle approaching. A white van, with images of cows on the sides, drives up the road and parks right in front of the lake house. He observes how a woman with short black hair gets out of the car before he continues to throw the frisbee he’s been holding in his hands.

“Sarah! It’s good to see you!”, the woman lets out and Sarah, who is walking down the stairs opens her arms. “Y/N! I’m so happy, too.” Bucky freezes up. It’s as if every nerve ending in his body catches fire. His head snaps back to the woman. Y/N?

He watched how the guard dragged her out of the room. And despite her having blood all over her shirt, she was smiling at him. She couldn’t be mad at him for not doing anything.

“Bucky?”, Sam, who is leaning against the doorframe frowns his eyebrows as he watches over his friend's weird behavior:” You alright?”

Y/N! Oh god. Y/N! That’s it. Holy shit.

“Y/N!”, he repeats and points at the woman, like a child who just learned a new word. It leaves his lips like a promise he has made years ago. The woman blinks at him before she nervously chuckles:” W-What?” “Y/N.”, he throws the frisbee on the ground and storms up the stairs into the house, nearly tripping over one of the stairs. He softly shoves Sam out of the way before scanning the room for his jacket.

“Talk to me, Bucky!”

“Y/N!”, Bucky simply repeats, his pupils dilated:” Her name… it’s Y/N! Of course!” And with that, he quickly rushes out of the house.

[braveasnouns]

ANIMAL ARMY BACKGROUND MEMBERS!!

this is not an exhaustive list and some of them i’m not sure of the names but i tried :D! all are up to interpretation as they are not listed on IMDB, credits or any official source as far as i can tell!

and this is really only focused on scenes from S1 as nobody apart from Bear, Tiger and Pony are shown very clearly past that (or shown uhh.. alive, anyways...)

in no particular order:

Flamingo! very prevalent and recognizable in and out of costume for their bright pink hair

Bluejay! they could be a different type of blue bird but they do look like a bluejay and i love that name! you can see them wearing denim on denim as a way to represent the blue even out of animal costume! very cool

and standing next to Bluejay in the main scenes is Leopard! shown clearly quite a bit compared to some others and i really love the commitment to this outfit its very awesome

Gazelle. they show up very briefly (only in this one shot clearly) but their look is one of my favorites for sure!! So cool and unique

a red bird, while most people connect the image of a red bird with Robins and Cardinals which it very well could be, with the darker red and dark beak i could also see them trying to be Tanager, Finch or Apapane bird. there's really no way to know if they were even given a specific bird type in production but those would be my guesses!

Elephant!! Im guessing it was just from using whatever resources around them but i really love how their ears look weathered, like an elephant who has been through battles as they have

i like to think this is Vulture!! and that’s so cool to me as a name and persona! it just started in my mind because they stand next to each other but i like to think that Vulture and Elephant are siblings and found the animal army together :))

Panda! the most prominently shown other than the main four, you see them in the very first shot of the animal army and they have watch over Jepp when he is tied up. it all makes me think they were a member earlier on and very trusted

Raccoon (left) and “Red” panda (right). Since we already know that there's for sure someone named just panda i would assume this character goes by red as a nickname even if their animal army name is officially Red Panda. I also thought it was funny how in the same scene Raccoon kept appearing and disappearing from the background on the tree ledge, im sure it was just a filming thing but so on brand of them tbh

i think this would be Orangutan! that name is seen one of the walls. they are one of the ones holding back daisys chains and are seen in the very first scene of the animal army as well.

I believe this is Bison! From what i could tell they are only shown in this shot in the background until they zoom over to Panda and i didnt see them in any scenes after that clearly. there is writing on one of the walls that says Bison and thats the only reason i don’t say Cow or Bull, still could be though! I wish we got to see more of them because its very cool

This should be Porcupine! They are hardly shown and it was hard to get a real picture of them. kinda interesting that we do have a porcupine hybrid child later on too, Porcupine you probably would have loved to meet Otto

i just started calling this Bird because i can’t figure out what type they are, and i think its kinda fun to think they were the first bird member (after flamingo) and just like birds generally :)

Zebra! shown prominently in the main scenes and one of the people given the responsibility of opening daisys containers doors. kinda terrifying outfit so good job Zebra

I think this is Peacock! they are quite literally shown for less than 2 seconds in all lol

slightly perplexing...Otter, Weasel, even Vole, Mink or Loris? lots of possibilities and im so not sure

Armadillo i'm pretty certain of! They are one of the ones holding daisy’s chains and I couldn't really figure out who they were in other scenes when they are not in their full outfit since their face is mostly covered 

I believe this is Hyena but its quite hard to say for certain, but it does say “heyena (do you see what i did there)” on the animal wall so i could totally see this being them! they also hold daisys chains

Rabbit! they're cool i'm very curious as to the materiel of their mask

Bobcat?

Falcon I like to think, also holding daisys chains

i am saying this is Crow because i really want it to be

thats pretty much all for S1 but there are also things on the walls like "killawhale" and a lion drawing which is probably from canon members not shown in their full animal army outfits as well!

[nayafanfic]

Can you do rotb Optimus (Or whatever bot you feel like) x platonic human single mom reader? Reader moves to the countryside and tries to start a farm to feed herself and her five-year-old kid. She notices strange happenings around the woods, like large footsteps, and strange vehicles driving on the roads, and has a feeling there's something in the woods (maybe just the bots trying to hide from humans). One day, reader looks away just for a second and her kid wanders off, getting lost in the woods. Reader looks for her kid desperately and her kid wanders too close to a cliff, ending up falling, but Optimus saves the kid just in time. He then carefully returns the kid and reader is confused when her kid constantly talks about 'Mr. Truck', making a drawing of this giant red-blue robot. However, reader then starts to believe in the possibility of Mr. Truck being real and one day finding Optimus with one of his injured Autobots. Reader is not scared and helps fix his friend, even offering them to stay in her barn. Then maybe that's just the start of a beautiful friendship?

(Sorry, if this is a bit long. You are free to ignore it.)

(platonic) Optimus prime x single mom reader

You lived alone, even though a few years ago it seemed impossible. Completely hypnotized by love, you hadn't seen the red flags. Always on the couch, yelling at you for any little mistake or letting you do all the chores.

The final straw was the slap on your face during one of many arguments, that night you left with a bag on your back.

Now 5 years later, you live in a small house with your adorable son and your 2 dogs. The little house is in the middle of 2 field of various vegetables (Tomato, cucumber, carrot, lettuce, wheat and recently, spinach). At the back of the house, is the mini farm with some animals.

But, even though you were fulfilled and exhausted from your new life, you noticed a strange event.

1- There are very few cars that pass in front of your house, but when there are, they are always the same ones. A large red and blue truck, another yellow, a pink motorcycle and another blue and white that drives like crazy (he already ate a stick, because he was driving fast and almost hit one of the chickens).

2- You noticed Mr. Truck's huge footprints? Finally, that what your baby boy has been saying since he got lost in the forest.

This day you will remember for the rest of your life. Everything was going so well, he was playing outside while you were fixing your old truck and in a second he was gone.

You spent the day looking for him, shouting his name and even sending your dogs at him. Until night fell and he reappeared out of nowhere. Never before you had cried, been relieved and angry at the same time other than at that moment. When you started to go home, he started talking about his experience with a big smile.

-Mom, when I fell in a water, a BIG robot picke me up!

-When did you fall? Where did you fall darling? And a big robot, that must have been so impressive! As a mother, you played into his game (thinking he was just talking nonsense).

After that day, he didn't stop talking about him, drawing pictures and dreams of the big Mr. Truck.

At first you thought it was just his imagination, young people have an extremely overactive imagination. But, It became so intense that you started to believe it.

So for good measure you installed fences all over your home (as if it would protect you, but also to prevent your son from returning there after his 5th attempt to run away).

But now you know it is real, because what is in front of you is the same thing in his drawings.

You had heard loud noises in the forest, so you went there and thought that one of the cows had run away again. Your son had already been sleeping for a good hour so there was no chance of him waking up, you took the shotgun, put on your boots and go outside.

Optimus didn't mind seeing you, he had been watching you since he meeting your little sparkle, but only to protect you of course. And usually at this time there is no more light in your home otherwise he would never have come near your home.

But now with a wounded Bumblebee, and no other protection he wasn't sure if you were a bad person or not, you were armed after all.

He didn't know how to act, should he talk to you or say nothing? The only thing he was sure of was that not a single bolt in his body moving. And you, damn it, you didn’t move more than an inch either.

the gun is held tightly in your hands trembling from the cold and the fear.

Your eyes were fixed on his glowing blue orbs until movement behind him caught your attention. The yellow bot was starting to lose consciousness due to his loss of blood. The larger robot turned towards him and tried as hard as he could to stop the bleeding while keeping his eyes on you.

Seeing what is happening in front of you, you remembered what he had done for your son, so taking a deep breath you gently placed the gun on the ground and began to walk towards it.

-My son, talk my about this day. In fact he doesn't stop talking about this day. Your laugh caught the attention of Bumblebee who hadn't even noticed you were walking towards him.

-He told me that you saved him from a fall, no? The cliff north of my house, the one overlooking the lake?

Now with the two of them looking at you closely and this close to the yellow robot you can see his wound, a hole on his cables. It looks quite serious, as a strange substance is coming out of the place in big quantities.

The big blue had all his attention on you again. -Yes, it was me. His serious and deep tone made all your body vibrate with fear? no, with surprise? You don't even know how you feel about yourself at the moment.

So, as a normal and intelligent person, your first action was to take off your shirt and place it as delicately as you can at the level of the hole and putting pressure on it. Then in a sure and calm voice you reassured them.

-So it's my turn to help your family now, Mr. Truck, everything will be fine.

[salubriwrites-blog]

You Chose Barbatos (Pt1)

Aaayyee we're back with more "You Chose" one shots. I actually came up with this concept a while ago, but didn't have a Leviathan devil in mind for it. Until I got to Ch5 and the answer became apparent. Will be posting Part 2 uuuhhh later!

“Do you understand the terms?” He asked, cold but urgent as he rose from his desk. His pale eyes twinkled and watched you with the same danger of a faustian devil, not of the King of Envy. 

You didn’t answer right away, not because you didn’t understand, but to keep Leviathan in suspense. Solomon had told you that the more arrogant you seemed, the more cowed the devil would be. Doing as suggested, you finished your wine slowly and allowed Leviathan to wait. Those big eyes never left you, waiting for your answer as you quietly smacked your lips to enjoy the last scent of wine. 

“I do, but I have a question.”

Tilting his head only, he looked willing to answer. 

“Are you going to be one of the devils for me to choose from?” 

Under the desk you balled your hands into anxious fists as Leviathan smiled thinly before shaking his head. “That would be unfair to everyone else, don’t you think?” He smirked as you sighed with relief, accepting his help to get out of your seat. Was this a ploy to make you reconsider? To bait you into throwing aside everything and lay yourself in his coffin, begging for his attention?

You had already been in Hades for a week as a guest to the King of Hades and Devil of Envy. Before leaving Gehenna, Satan pulled you into an alley and pushed you against a building wall as he gave you an energy transference. He didn’t allow you to bury your face in his shoulder, only letting you scream into the open air as he pumped his hips with violent precision.

“You better not strain yourself while you’re there,” he growled, leaving purple bruises shaped like his fingers in your hips as he covered you in bite marks. “No one else is allowed to do this with you. Not. Even. Leviathan.” 

Dripping and trembling from your combined orgasms, Satan left you in the care of one of the King’s generals. A pink haired devil with a purple noose around his neck smiled politely and offered you his arm for silent support as you passed into Hades. The King of Gehenna’s eyes burnt into the back of your ponytail, you know that he stood and watched until you were completely out of sight. 

Despite your best efforts, the King of Hades had worn you down. Taking you out on day trips, never spending a day in the castle as you were forced to tour and admire his kingdom. Keeping you up at night in his office reading up on the history of the Hells, he wore your social and physical battery down. You weren’t allowed to have much privacy in Hades, and those few precious times you did there was always an underlying paranoia as his attendants were everywhere. Not to mention the arms of the abyss; black, white, and silver tentacles that emerged from corners and underneath beds to help you dress, tuck you in, and wake you up. Extensions of Leviathan, you grew wear quickly of the novelty. There were only two places in Hades where you had found peace and quiet without prying gazes.

The first had been in none other than Leviathan’s coffin, where not even the King himself could wriggle his way between the cracks. It was claustrophobic and the quiet it wrought reminded you of Sitri’s bedroom, where your heartbeat sounded so loud and the rushing of your blood through your body made you lightheaded. The second was a place you had found, run into it while trying to escape Glasya who had been tasked with giving you a tour of the King’s prized gardens. Unexpectedly still, it felt like all time had stopped as you ran your fingers over the leaves of the hedge maze that swallowed you up. Whenever you needed that much sought after peace, you would pretend to play hide and seek with your attendants and slip away within the refuge. Though you were never truly alone there either, the attention that waited for you there was warm, welcoming and nurturing. You always came out of the maze with fresh flowers that Leviathan would wither under his poisonous gaze.

After a week passed, Leviathan’s scheme had worked and your fatigue set in. The need for energy, you had gotten so used to it now that you could feel when it was coming on. It started as a tingling in your toes, followed by lightheadedness that left you confused and needing to be held as you walked through the halls of the estate. Which led to now, with Leviathan offering you his hand as he walked you from his office. You were nervous, and for once he expressed something akin to gentleness and patience as you walked into the throne room one shaky step at a time. 

Explaining your needs to Leviathan, the King had gotten a thoughtful expression on his face, leaning back in his chair and steepling his fingers together. You didn’t like one bit the way he looked when he thought deeply like that. Unlike the other, more emotionally driven Kings of Hell, Leviathan was a scheming and provocative devil who actually exhibited meticulous planning in everything he did.  

Iridescent tendrils emerged from the walls to pull the doors open for the pair of you as Leviathan ushered you into the black and silver room. All the devils were lined up, all looking dashing and composed though you couldn’t imagine they were feeling calm. Dozens of eyes snapped to you, and the pressure of those gazes made your head pound. 

“I need to sit,” you uttered, almost falling out of Leviathan’s hands as you half staggered, half crawled to sit on the steps leading to the throne. Before you could though, creeping vines slithered across the ground and caught you, cradling you to sit as you caught your breath. Your eyes stole a glance from him before he was forced to stare his King in the face. 

The noose around the devil’s neck twitched as Leviathan’s eyes tightened at the gesture, but he was not yanked from his place in the lineup. 

“As you can see,” the King began, gesturing to you as the soft tendrils shaped themselves into a lounge for you. “The Daughter of Solomon has grown weak. As she continues to adjust to Hell and Hades, she will be in need of an attendant capable of providing for her. Her condition is fragile and will require the utmost, immediate care. Being available to the Daughter’s every beck and call, prepared to die for her if necessary.” 

No one in the hall spoke, just a sea of eyes that watched Leviathan as he stepped aside to let them watch you struggle. 

“However, due to the unique nature of her needs, she will choose only one of you to be hers.”

Now the devils were showing a reaction, they all seemed to check themselves, straightening out their regalia and preening for you. Not him, though. His eyes remained steadfast on His Majesty, never once fidgeting with his suit or feeling the chain on his horns. 

Leviathan’s plan was nasty, forcing you to publicly reject all other devils in favor of one. His gratification was going to come from watching the hope drain out of their eyes and faces as you walked down the line telling each of them no. If only you could walk now, as you looked out at the neat lineup. You were dreading having to make a choice, because who knew what kind of retaliation you might face for rejecting any of them. Time was of the essence though, you would just have to get your energy back quickly before facing the repercussions of your decision. 

Rising to your feet and taking small sips of air, you started at the left end closest to Leviathan. In a hurry to get it over with, you approached the first devil. 

Orias was standing still, hands behind his back with his shoulders square, staring at you flirtatiously as you approached. You hadn’t thought about how you were going to do it, but you were certain that Leviathan would have notes on your process. Maintaining a respectful distance back, out of arm’s reach, you leveled your gaze against the petite devil. “No,” you said simply, a lump forming in your stomach at the heartbreak in his smile. 

Behind you, Leviathan let out a noise that sounded almost like a snicker. 

A few more rejections down, you came to stand face to face with Foras. You and he had developed a friendship that included finding places to hide from Leviathan. “No,” you said with a little more difficulty, wishing that you could grab the word and swallow it as his shoulders fell. His rejection tasted bitter in the back of your throat as you moved hurriedly past him. All the while, Leviathan walked parallel to you, reading the faces of his subordinates and reveling in their emotions. Occasionally he would make little sounds and comments that would dare the devils to act out of anger. 

“Oh, that’s a surprise.”

“I thought you two had something.” 

“Shame.”

His spiteful commentary followed you down the line as you started just ignoring the faces that you walked past, eager to reach the end. Ready to make your choice, you kept your eyes forward and didn’t even look at most of them. His Majesty’s snarky observations stopped when he saw you moving with purpose, your weakened state temporarily abating as your choice drove you. Leviathan’s eyes started searching the devils that were lined up ahead of you, trying to predict to whom your stride took you. 

Perhaps it was the devil’s own ego that made him wait at the very end of the line, he was a subordinate to the Perfect Devil of Envy, after all. What a way to stroke his ego as he watched you rush past the devils who were now stepping out of line to watch and see where you’d go. However your strength was failing you, the dew drops of sweat trickled down your neck and under your dress as you neared the end of the line. Just how many devils had Leviathan summoned for this public humiliation? Most of them you didn’t even recognize as you brushed through. 

You collapsed before getting to the end, where a strong pair of arms caught you as you stumbled. Relieved, you smiled upward, prepared to touch his face and make your choice-

“Your Majesty, the Most High, the Greatest, and the Most Beautiful,” a deep voice announced, the bass in Glasya’s voice stirred adrenaline into your system. “I’m afraid that the Daughter of Solomon is too weak to continue.” 

That wasn’t true, you thought but your limbs felt too heavy to pull yourself upright and out of his hold. Hanging your head backward, from your upside down perspective you saw a pair of golden boots approaching. 

“She has worn herself out from coming all this way, please excuse us so I may tend to her as the one she chose,” speaking smoothly and confidently, Glasya stood with you in his arms. 

No, no. You thought, rolling your head away from his chest, trying to open your mouth to speak. Your jaw felt heavy and your limbs weighed down, this had to be some sort of spell he had cast on you. Or was it actually the exhaustion? You couldn’t tell because you found your throat and chest tightening, lungs aching and bones sagging.

Leviathan was looking at you, seeming to wait for you to confirm that Glasya Labolas was indeed your choice. When you didn’t show an outward sign, he shrugged and waved his hand. 

“Very well-”

“I apologize for interrupting, Your Majesty.” A cool voice butted in, and the room went still as you found the strength to yank your arm out of your lap as if by marionette strings.

Rolling your head, you peeled your sealed lips into a smile as he winked knowingly at you. “I believe that she just needs a little bit of a pick me up before she continues.” 

His lips felt warm on your skin, tickling and tanning your cheeks with a flush as the devil had the audacity to kiss you in Glasya’s arms. Maybe it was the butterflies stirred to life in your stomach, or maybe it was the little bit of strength he lent you, but you wrapped your arm around his shoulder and kissed Barbatos back. 

Whatever trick Glasya had pulled was no match, like a flower before the dawn you found your strength and opened for the sunny devil. Wriggling with new found power, you fell out of the devil’s arms and Barbatos caught you easily. A tsunami of disappointed murmurs threatened to crash over the pair of you, disgusted and envious of the unabashed affection the devil took from you. 

“Barbatos,” you gasped though, clinging to his shoulders, knees weak and barely to hold yourself up as you turned your focus onto Glasya. “I choose Barbatos, not you.” 

The dark devil did not respond, just stared wondering if you would tear into him for what trick he had used to manipulate your silence. You didn’t give him another glance, turning to give Barbatos a softer, more appropriate peck on the lips. 

“So be it,” Leviathan said stiffly, it was clear to you that even he was annoyed that whatever scheme he had planned backfired. That you grabbed the blonde devil’s hands excited, pulling him eagerly out of the room. “Well, Barbatos, I temporarily release you from your duties. The Daughter of Solomon has a need for you, do not make me regret her decision.” 

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Your Majesty, the Most High, the Greatest, and the Most Beautiful.” Barbatos replied, bowing deeply before letting you pull him from the throne room. Out of the corner of your eye, you thought you saw him flash Glasya a rude gesture just before the doors closed on you both.

[meryldian]

★ Growing up with Tokio Hotel (Devilish) ★

AN: It is no secret that I adore the childhood friends trope with all of my soul. This is very self indulgent and I have zero shame about it.

!! Some if not most hcs are based off events from Bill Kaulitz’s book “Career Suicide” !!

Part 2

Warning! Underage drinking and Smoking, small mention of bullying, some sexual themes briefly addressed. Friendly reminder it’s Tokio Hotel we’re talking about

How did you end up in Magdeburg or Loitsche is up to you, but there is no denial in saying that you were at the right place, at the right time when you met a little boy with spiky black and red hair at your new school playground

Little Bill Kaulitz thought you were cool from the second he saw you. There weren’t many people in the school that he had an interest on or that even payed any positive attention to him. With you it was different. You looked kind and unique!

Quickly he introduced you to his brother Tom, him being a kid with a bit of an inflated ego it would take him some more time to warm up to you.

In the meantime, you and Bill became inseparable. You were basically glued to each other’s hip. His mom would drop him off at your place every Saturday for you guys to play with your Polly Pockets, Power Rangers, dressing up in some ridiculous outfits that were the highest of fashion for your little selves.

Bill’s mom genuinely loved how her son was not scared to be himself around you. She would often ask how you were doing and when you would come over next.

You started to grow on Tom thanks to his mom’s faith in you. If his beloved mom trusted you then so could he.

Tom was getting into skating at the time, he would offer you to learn with him or watch him do tricks.

He loved the attention.

He probably tried to charm you up but gave it up when he saw of how much worth you were. You guys did not bring it up again, only in interviews later on when you wanted to dirt on Tom.

Unfortunately you wouldn’t always be shielded from the chaos in their childhood. One way or another you would probably end up trashing a train or smoking blunts behind the school bushes very early on.

It wasn’t uncommon for you to show up to class totally high.

On the evening you guys would grab your bikes, or you would ride with one of them, and head down by a lake to smoke, chat and unwind. Throwing rocks in and seing how many times it bounced.

With time the twins found their one true love, music. They dreamed big, long gone were the school talent shows and weddings. They wanted to reach the world.

For that, their little singer, guitarist duo with a keyboard that played bass and drums wouldn’t work.

One morning right before class the boys came up to you, literally sprinting and blabbering at the same time. You only understood “band, you, join, casting”

From that moment on you were doomed.

If you didn’t play an instrument already the twins’s step-dad would happily accept you into his music school for free.

Through his acquaintances you guys found a drummer. He was immature for his age according to Tom. He wore glasses and a little shirt with a cow skiing.

When the day of the “casting” as the twins called it came, Gustav played some Phill Collins and solos for you guys. Clearly it wasn’t a real casting and you were fully aware that this boy was your best bet at getting a drummer for your newly formed band. Yet, the boys took it very seriously.

Tom replied “alright good you have the job” and rolled with it.

What were the odds that at the same music school Gustav attended there was an aspiring bassist.

Again, it was your best bet so you took Georg in.

If your first language was english it could’ve gone two ways when the twins came up with the name “devilish”. You either loved it and thought it was sick or you cringed yet had to tag along with it for the boys.

Now you guys had the time of your lives with the band.

Weekdays after school would be spent entirely at the garage jamming out and drinking. You all sucked at the beginning, barely mastering your instruments but your charm stood out.

Georg and you became friends right away. His energy jumped right at you and you both became such a comedic duo.

He started the fire and you just added fuel to it.

You loved to prank your friends so much.

And innuendos. So many innuendos.

Once Tom joins into your madness, it’s over for everyone else.

It wasn’t rare for you three to come back home all messed up and pass out on Tom’s couch.

Gustav baking and making little snackies for the band while you rehearse !!

Well, you drank and lazied around more than rehearsing per say.

Tom, Georg, Gustav and you playing video games all coddled up on a couch together.

Thank god Bill is there to kick your asses so you actually play music.

Tom and You developed a habit of playing back to back. You thought it looked cool.

Gustav is the glue that keeps you all together, and away from major trouble. Half he time at least.

Quickly enough you gained a little fanbase in town.

At school you might’ve been the outcasts still, but the older and “cooler” kids took you in happily.

Not much changed, it was the same old story of drinking, smoking, trashing shit down but now with the slight change that everyone around you was discovering their sexuality.

You walk in and Georg’s wanking in the corner? Throw a blanket over him and continue with whatever you were doing.

Being around four young boys and their friends surely set you up to become just as shameless as them.

You guys got very familiar with one another and could not care less about changing in the same room or sleeping in the same bed.

You guys were starting to become a set of quintuplets.

You were probably one of the first if not the first person that Bill ever talked to about questionning his orientation and the little romance he had with his old friend.

If you happen to be a part of the community as well, Bill was your confidant as well. It was you guys’s little secret before coming out of the closet.

Needless to say, when Bill got the confirmation that he would be attending “Starsearch” he jumped right into your arms. You were one of his biggest supporters and he wanted you to be there for him.

Bill might’ve not won the competition, but it opened a door for your little band.

[bearieio]

Hihi!! May I request some soft sleepytime stuff with leon? 😋

leon sleep hcs :3

warnings: none! pure fluff! awkward!totallywhipped!loser!leon (kinda...)

a/n: tired of writers depicting leon as a freakydeaky daddydom typa guy... when in reality he's a (semi-) normal, awkward guy.... (￣︿￣) (i will die on this hill).

leon probably snores… like loud, obnoxious snores. almost ALL THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT. he’s like an old man that you have yo turn over to make him stop.

anyways… leon also loves cuddling with you :(( but he’s SOOOO awkward about it. he tries not to breath because he doesn’t want you to feel uncomfy with his breath flowing directly against you face, so he’ll STOP BREATHING (!!?!!???) for long periods of time😭 his heartbeat never losing it’s fast rhythm.

leon is definitely a catdad. he spends insane amounts of money on his 2 cats, both of them being scottish folds :3

“babe look at this cat tree i got for them,” and it’s a FUCKING BUCKINGHAM PALACE CAT TREE. y’know… THE ONE THAT’S LIKE $2,200!!???

“it was the last one in stock!” he continues, one of the cats hanging on his shoulder, the other he’s cradling like an infant in his arms.

leon WILL NOT let you sleep on the bed if the cats were there first.

“BABE! what’re you doing?!-“ he motions towards the 2 felines resting against the silk and satin pillows. “we’re sleeping on the couch.” he smiles, ignoring the irritated look you have on your face “c’mon!”

leon is literally such a dork. a loser, if you will. he’ll tuck you in and make sure you have water, in case you need it in the middle of the night.

he’s so weird too, he’ll be like sound asleep one moment, but then when you open your eyes again 15 seconds later, he’ll be staring at you like:

leon also talks in his sleep. mumbling and groaning in the middle of the night. and like- he only repeats things he hears..

“barack obama was the 44th president chat- he was the 44th presi-“

…dude what.

“i’m ova strokin’ ma dick, i got lotion on my dick, and i’m strokin ma shit-“

when you ask him about it, he’ll be like, “oh yeah… well, did you know barack obama was the 44th president?” and then he’ll carry on with his day as if he doesn’t have the most outrageous dreams….

when he doesn’t have work the following day, HE DOES NOT SLEEP.

“it’s the voices, babe…” he mutters, his eyes glued to his PC, you can hear the minecraft sound effect of blocks breaking and cows mooing. “they’re telling me….. to beat the ender dragon and finally learn how to use redstone…”

when you try to protest, all he responds with is “the grind doesn’t stop for anybody, baby.” with his back still facing you, he lifts his arm to flex a little but immediately brings it back down to rest on the desk, his keys continuing to make a clacking sound as the light from his computer screen lights up the darkened room.

when he finally does go to sleep, it’s usually on the couch. he’s sprawled out and SNORING.

i feel like it’s super hard to wake him up. he’ll be lying on the bed, lifelessly. when you try shaking him/lifting his arm up his body goes limp, almost like those “i thought my cat was dead videos.”

when you’re finally able to wake him up, you’re on the verge of calling 9-1-1. “HOW ARE THE POLICE GONNA COME WHEN THE POLICE IS RIGHT HERE?!” you find yourself talking to the cats. one of them meows, as if she’s responding to your panicked state.

“huh?” you hear a groggy leon, now propped up on his elbows, “hey kitty.” you turn around to see the cats rubbing against leon’s face.

“WHAT THE FUC-“

masterlist

[noona-clock]

Heart of the Ranch - Part 1

Genre: Cowboy!AU, Slice of Life, Fluff

Pairing: Namjoon x You (Female!Reader)

Warnings: None

Part 1, 2, 3 | Words: 3,214

"You may want to sit down for this," your friend, Rachel, said gently, her forehead wrinkled as she reached out to delicately place her hand over yours.

You merely narrowed your eyes at her and replied, "...I am sitting down."

Since it was the second Saturday of the month and currently late morning/early afternoon, you and your closest friends were gathered around a table at an adorable cafe in the city for brunch. After graduating from University, you'd all made a plan to get together once a month so you wouldn't lose touch as adults, and even all these years later, Second Saturday Brunch was still going strong.

As you'd gotten ready earlier this morning, you'd been prepared for the usual small talk, gossip, and endless mimosas.

...So why did it seem like this was actually an intervention?

The way Rachel had comfortingly taken your hand. How Trish and Emily looked at you, half with compassion and half with concern.

"What's going on?" you asked, glancing around the table at your three closest friends. "You guys are making me nervous."

Rachel looked at Emily. And then they both turned toward Trish expectantly.

Oh, no. If they were making Trish tell you, it had to be something pretty bad. She was the go-to for breaking bad news because she wasn't afraid to say something harsh -- but with a soft, sweet voice. In other words, Trish was a cinnamon roll on the outside who could actually kill you.

"We think," Trish began, her eyebrows raised slightly. "You've been working too much lately, so we all booked a trip, and you have no choice. You're coming with us, and you're not bringing your laptop."

...That was it?

"Okay?" you replied with an amused scoff. "Sounds fun!"

Trish pulled her lips into a grin, and you immediately knew there was something worse.

"We're leaving on Monday."

You stared at her, your head tilted curiously.

"Monday the... what? Which Monday?"

"This Monday," she confirmed. "The day after tomorrow."

You stared at her some more.

"...I'm sorry, what?"

Emily conspicuously slid a mimosa toward you as a peace offering.

"We're all going on vacation together!" Trish repeated with an overly sunny tone. "Rachel found this ranch with horses and cows and all this beautiful scenery, you're going to love it, Y/N. It'll be just like those cowboy romance novels you love to read."

No matter what you did, you couldn't stop yourself from simply staring at her -- and taking a gulp of the mimosa now in front of you.

"You love cowboy books, right?" Trish probed.

And, for some reason, that's what broke your nearly catatonic state.

"Well, yeah, in University!" you cried. Because who had time to read books anymore! "I can't believe this! You booked a vacation in less than two days, and you expect me to just go with you?!"

Trish pursed her lips while stealthily reaching to take Rachel and Emily's hands, obviously wanting to put up a united front. "We don't expect you to go. You are going. I emailed your boss, and you have the time off."

"Actually, you have almost three months of PTO built up --" Rachel began, but Trish gently elbowed her.

"What I meant was," Trish continued. "He put you on the calendar as being off the whole week, so you're all set. All you have to do is pack and meet us at the airport on Monday morning!"

...Was she kidding?

All you had to do was pack and meet them at the airport on Monday morning? All you had to do?! As if it was just that simple?!

"I can't -- I can't just --" you stammered, wondering exactly when the hidden cameraman would pop up and some C-List celebrity would come out and tell you this was all some very niche, strange prank. "This is our busiest time of year! I can't just not go to work for a whole week!"

To be fair, though, you were an accountant for an enormous, global company. When were you ever not busy?

You knew before she even said anything that Trish would not back down. Out of your small (but strong) friend group, she took mental health seriously the most. More than once, she'd picked you up from work to take you shopping because, in her words, "retail therapy is not a myth."

And then she went and confirmed your thoughts by saying, "You can, and you will. And if you don't show up at the airport at exactly 8:30 on Monday morning, I will come to your apartment and forcibly remove you."

"This is for your own good, Y/N," Emily chimed in. "When was the last time you went on vacation?"

You opened your mouth to reply with a petty answer... but then you realized you couldn't. Because you weren't sure when the last time you went on vacation actually was.

"Exactly!" Rachel nodded. "It's only a week. Your department is so huge, no one will even know you're gone."

That wasn't nearly as helpful as she thought it was. You took pride in your work, and you were one of those weirdos who truly loved their job. Even if it wasn't quite true, you liked to think you were an integral part of your team who pulled more weight than was necessary --

Okay, when you put it like that, maybe you did need this vacation.

With a long, weary exhale, you lifted your glass to your lips and downed the last of the mimosa. Then you plastered your most pathetic expression on your face and said, "Can I at least bring my laptop? Not my work laptop, just something in case I need to..." You scurried around in your brain to think of a legitimate reason you would need to bring a laptop on vacation. "In case I need to buy tickets for something!"

Trish rolled her eyes, chuckling in disbelief. "We won't be buying any tickets, I can promise you that, but fine. If it'll make you accept it more easily, you can bring your laptop. Your personal laptop."

It felt like a literal weight had been lifted off your chest (something else that made you admit maybe you did need this vacation), and you nodded. "All right, I'll be there."

Your three friends squealed with delight, clapped their hands, and lifted up their mimosa glasses for a cheers.

Since the server hadn't yet come around to refill yours, you simply shrugged and lifted your empty glass, clinking it with theirs and arching your eyebrows as if to say 'Well, here goes nothing.'

You honestly couldn't believe you were here.

If you weren't physically, quite literally here, at the airport at eight in the morning with your suitcase in tow and your travel pillow hugging your neck, you wouldn't believe you were here.

This might remain one of life's great mysteries to you: how your friends managed to get you to take a week-long vacation with less than two days' notice.

"You made it!" Emily grinned as you arrived the gate, waving you over to the empty seat beside her. "Trishie went to get coffee, and Rachel went to get bagels."

Well! If they were forcing you almost against your will to be here, at least they were going to feed and caffeinate you!

You plopped down next to Emily, and she let out a soft squeal as she slid an arm around your shoulder, squeezing you gently.

"I'm so glad you're here," she told you. "Did you look at the place we're going to?"

Trish had texted you the link after brunch on Saturday, but you hadn't wanted to click on it. You had kind of been in denial up until about three minutes ago that you were ditching your co-workers at the drop of a hat during your busiest time of year.

You simply shook your head and hummed negatively.

"Ooh, let me show you!"

As Emily got her phone out, you settled into your chair, tilting your head to rest it both on your travel pillow and on Emily's shoulder.

"Here," she murmured, holding up her phone so you could see.

On the screen was an incredibly picturesque two-story house with a huge porch and an even more huge yard. And as Emily swiped through the pictures, you saw there was also a stable with horses, a barn with cows, a gazebo, bedrooms equipped with cozy quilts, and bathrooms equipped with copper tubs.

Okay, you had to admit -- it didn't seem like a bad place to spend a week.

"Looks nice," you said with a sleepy smile.

But then your sleep smile transformed into a bright, beaming smile when you saw Trish approaching with four cups of coffee.

"My savior!" you greeted, reaching out for what you knew was a vanilla latte.

Trish, who was quite certainly the least 'Morning Person' in the group, simply handed your cup over with what you assumed was a 'Good morning' grunt.

Rachel followed closely behind with four bagels, and as you were munching and sipping away on your airport breakfast, you had to admit... you were getting pretty excited about this trip. Yes, you were still coming to terms with the fact that you had deserted your co-workers at the time of year they needed you most, but... you also wondered if maybe your friends needed you just as much.

And, honestly, it was a very real possibility that you needed them right back.

As soon as you stepped off the plane, your slight optimism had vanished. You were itching to check your email or call one of your co-workers to see how things were going.

You really and truly had a problem!

But you knew you couldn't get away with it while Trish was around (and Rachel and Emily, but we've already established that Trish would be the most likely to actually call you out), so you managed to keep your phone in your pocket during the entire car ride to your destination.

...Actually, you weren't sure what to call this place.

A hotel? It wasn't really a hotel because it was more like a house. There were cows and horses, so maybe it was a farm?

You had just opened your mouth to ask your friends where exactly you were going, but then the car turned onto a dusty road. A large wooden archway connected to a fence welcomed you, the words 'Back to the Saddle Ranch' adorning the top.

Ah, got it. A ranch!

"Oh, look!" Rachel gasped, pointing out the window.

You craned your head, following your friend's finger to see a couple of glistening chestnut horses scampering around in a lush meadow. Dozens of ancient, shady trees dotted the landscape, you could see the gazebo from the pictures farther up from the horses, and the sky... Maybe it had been too long since you'd been out in nature, but the sky just seemed so big. Never ending.

"Wow," you gaped, your eyes taking everything in as the car continued up the graveled driveway.

But your reverie didn't last long.

Not two seconds after the car came to a stop, you hopped out and announced you wanted to walk around and take some pictures.

Fortunately (and surprisingly), no one questioned you. Emily even took your suitcase and told you to have fun!

You assured her that you would, reaching inside your pocket and sliding out your phone.

Once you turned around the corner of the house, you tapped on the screen, your stomach churning at the possibility of seeing urgent notifications from your boss or co-workers.

...But there was nothing.

Your brow furrowed, and your gaze shifted up to the corner of the screen.

Ah.

No service.

With a 'tsk,' you held your phone up and began walking around, hoping to find even a whisper of a signal. Just one bar was all you needed!

After circling almost the entire house with no luck, you began to walk farther out.

"Come on, come on, come on," you muttered to yourself, your gaze glued to your screen.

When the terrain suddenly changed from gravel to hard-packed dirt and grass, you momentarily looked away, just to make sure you weren't going to bump into anything or fall off a cliff or something.

There were definitely no cliffs around, but you did see some adorable spotted cows nearby.

If only they could help with your cell service!

"Just one bar," you whined, resuming your quest. "Half a bar? Anything!"

I mean, really, what kind of place was this? How could any vacation destination these days not have some sort of usable cell service?! Would you have to rely on the ranch's WiFi the whole week?

...If they even had WiFi.

Surely, they did.

They had to!

Right?

Oh, please -- please, please, please, let there be --

Squelch.

You froze.

You froze for a few moments, and then slowly lowered your phone down to your side.

And then you lowered your gaze, too.

Wonderful.

Just wonderful!

The cows hadn't been able to help you find cell service, but they'd certainly done something.

And you'd just stepped in it.

"Oh, no," you whimpered, carefully sliding your phone back into your pocket to minimize the risk of dropping it.

What were you supposed to do? It's not like standing here stock-still would magically make the cow poop go away. So, obviously, you were supposed to move!

But then what?!

Your gaze began to frantically search for something -- anything -- nearby that could even remotely help you in this situation.

"Hey, there!" a voice suddenly called out from behind you.

A deep voice.

...A very deep voice.

You twisted around as much as you could, peering over your shoulder to see A. Who it was and B. If they were, in fact, talking to you.

"Looks like you got yourself into a... situation," the voice said again, and your eyes landed on someone -- a man -- who could only be a ranch hand walking towards you.

Dusty, worn jeans and work boots. A t-shirt that had certainly seen better days. An open plaid button-down shirt underneath a denim jacket. And, it probably goes without saying, a cowboy hat.

The very first thought you had was that this man, this ranch hand, filled out those clothes incredibly well.

"Uh..." you replied, your heart beginning to race the closer he got. "It looks that way, I suppose."

"Don't move," he said with a soft chuckle, and as his face came into focus, you almost immediately went against his orders.

Not on purpose, of course.

It's just that... this is going to sound corny and unbelievable, but it's just that his looks and his aura and his magnetism practically knocked you off your feet.

No wonder you'd read so many cowboy romance novels at University.

As soon as he got close enough, he held out both his hands to you and said, "I've got a hose just over there, I can get your shoe all cleaned up."

"Oh," you said dumbly, sliding your hands into his. Goosebumps erupted all over your body at the feel of his rough skin. "Thank you."

You shrieked as he abruptly and very easily pulled you out; you had been completely unprepared for how strong this guy was!

But that was your mistake, really. All the reading you'd done had taught you that cowboys (ranch hands were basically the same thing, right?) worked outside all day. All that manual labor meant their muscles had muscles!

And, now that you thought about it, you half-expected him to scoop you up and carry you over to the hose.

Alas, he simply grasped your shoulder with one hand and held your hand with the other, leading you back over to the house.

But still. His hold on you as you limped toward the spigot was enough to create an enormous fleet of butterflies in your stomach.

"You must be with the group who just checked in," he said, interrupting your thoughts of muscles and butterflies and jeans that fit perfectly.

"Yes," you replied breathlessly.

And... that was all your brain could muster, apparently.

"May I ask why you were out here and not with your friends?" he inquired, his steps slowing as the two of you reached the hose connected to the side of the house.

Okay, now your brain kicked in.

"May I ask why you're asking?" you replied. Because, handsome cowboy or not, was it really his business what you were doing?

A gentle, deep chuckle rumbled from his chest, and he shook his head as he said, "Just trying to be friendly and polite so you don't sue for damages."

Your forehead wrinkled at his statement, and you repeated, "Sue for damages?"

He nodded toward your poop-covered shoe before bending to turn the hose on, adjusting the knob so the water came out in more of a soft trickle.

"Why --"

As he began to spray down your shoe, he glanced up at you. "I own this place."

Oh!

He wasn't simply a ranch hand. He owned the ranch.

Well, then!

An awkward chuckle fell from your lips, and you said, "I won't sue, I promise. It was my fault. I wasn't looking where I was going."

Mr. Ranch Owner focused on your shoe but asked, "Now will you tell me what you were doing?"

You felt your cheeks warm slightly with embarrassment. "I was, uh... trying to find a cell signal."

He laughed gently in response.

Great. No service to be had here at -- what was this place called again?

"We do have WiFi," he assured you. "When it feels like working."

You fumbled to retrieve your phone, doing your best to stay balanced on your one foot not covered in cow poop -- although, he had washed off pretty much everything by now.

"Which network?" you asked as you navigated to your WiFi settings.

"BTS."

Your brow furrowed slightly in confusion. "BTS?"

"...Back to the Saddle? The... name of the ranch?" he answered, spraying one last clump of cow poop off your shoe before turning the hose off.

That's right! Back to the Saddle.

"Got it," you murmured, nodding slowly as you clicked on the 'BTS' network and connected to it. "Perfect, thank you."

He straightened up, and as you put your foot back down, you realized just how close he was standing to you.

"I'm Namjoon, by the way," he introduced himself, holding out one hand toward you -- but he didn't have to reach far at all.

"Namjoon," you repeated almost under your breath. "I'm... Y/N."

You weren't sure why you hesitated. Had you forgotten your own name for a second? Had you been scared to tell him your name because you knew instinctively that hearing him say it with that deep, smooth voice of his would wreck you forever?

Before you could settle on the real answer, you realized he was still waiting for your handshake. So, you swiftly grabbed his hand.

"Nice to meet you," he mumbled, his gaze connecting with yours. "Try not to get into too much trouble while you're here, yeah?"

As soon as he said that, you knew deep down that the worst trouble you could get into here... was him.

Part 2

[joeybsversion]

Pathetic

Joe Burrow x Reader

Joe and reader see each other again years later

“Well thanks, Michelle! It was good to see you.” You smile and grab your bag from the older ladies hands. “I’m glad we caught up on the Athens, Ohio drama.” You laughed.

“Good to see you too. Don’t wait 5 years before you come back next time!” She called after you.

You were back in your home town, Athens, OH for the weekend dealing with a family dilemma. Athens was a small town, it really only had 2 main roads, both lines with gas stations, locally owned shops, and a few hotels. You grew up shopping at this same grocery store. Michelle had worked here since you were little and she recognized you the second you walked in. It was great to catch up with an old friend, but you were ready to escape this little town. You had stopped to grab a few things before heading to the hotel across the street for the night.

With another quick smile and wave, you pressed your back against the door to open it before it was quickly pulled away from you, causing you to lose your balance and almost fall backwards.

“Shit. Sorry!” Familiar hands reached up and helped steady you.

“Its ok.” You turned and were immediately frozen in shock. “Joe.” You gasped.

“What… oh my go—“ he nervously fiddled with his hands. “Hey.” He greeted you, clearly caught off guard. “What are you doing here?”

“Family stuff.” You nervously spit out. “What about you? Don’t you have practice or something?” You questioned.

“Bye week. Came home to support the local football team in play offs.” He put his hands in his pockets. “Are you staying at your parents?”

“No. Actually have a room at the hotel across the street.” You nodded your head in that direction. “I know it’s not the fanciest but it has a bed, and TV, and AC..” you nervously blabber. “Actually was just headed back to grab a drink and some dinner.”

Joe turned to look at the hotel before his eyes met yours again. “I’ll walk you over there.”

“Joe.” You laughed. “It’s literally 50 feet away. I’ll be fine.”

“I know… I just… would you… do you wanna catch up? Let me buy you a drink. It’s been what? 5 years since we’ve seen each other?” His eyes anxiously look around.

“Yeah sure.” You smile. “We probably have some catching up to do.”

You and Joe had dated for 4 years before you both left for colleges across the country from each other. He was now an NFL Quarterback and you were a wedding photographer. The breakup was messy, neither of you really got closure, and you hadn’t spoken since.

You followed Joe across the street and slid into the booth across from him. The room was dimly lit, the table sticky with booze, and the waitress was nosy. It was clear she recognized Joe, but he gave her one look after she dropped off your first round of drinks and made it clear she wouldn’t bother you both.

“So.” He cleared his throat. “How have you been? What’re you up to these days.”

You pressed your glass of wine to your lips and took a sip. “I’ve been good. Super busy. Started my own wedding photography business and basically spend all my time editing pictures.”

“Wow.” His eyes were wide. “Congratulations. I know that was always your dream.”

“Speaking of dreams, congrats to you Mr. Quarterback.” You teased.

He laughed and took a drink, shaking his head. “Yeah. It’s been a crazy ride.” A smile spread across his face. If there was one thing you still admired about Joe it was how humble he was. He’s graduated college less than a year ago and was already leading an NFL team to victory. “So, do you have a husband? Boyfriend?” He paused. “Girlfriend? Significant other?”

You laughed. “No, just me right now.” Your cheeks turned bright red. “Are you seeing someone?”

“Yeah.” He flashed the gold band on his ring finger. “Got married last year, just welcomed our first little one a few months ago.”

“Holy cow!” Your heart was crushed. “Congrats!” You faked a smiled and motioned to the waitress another round of drinks was needed. “Tell me about them!” You really didn’t want more details, but were just trying to be nice.

“My wife”, he flipped his phone around and his Lock Screen lit up, flashing a perfect picture of his beautiful wife and precious baby, “is truly superwomen. She’s taken on the roll of mom and NFL wife without an issue.” He smiled. “And baby Scarlett is just perfect.”

“You have a beautiful family.” You admitted. “Are they here with you?”

“No, just me. Hard to travel with a new born.” He looked at his phone again. “Actually if you don’t mind, I’m gonna go call them quick and say goodnight?” You nodded and he excused himself from the table.

You quickly finished your second glass of wine. Not sure if your face was hot from the alcohol or because you were holding back so many emotions. 5 years ago there was no doubt in your mind you would be Joes wife. But here you are, in a stuffy hotel bar single and talking about his newborn.

“Can I actually just buy a bottle?” You questioned as the waitress made her way around again. “And he’ll take another as well.” You motioned to Joes empty cup as she made her way back behind the bar to get your request.

Your face was buried in your phone as you googled Joe and his wife.

“Ordered me another I see.” Joe smirked as he sat back down across from you.

You quickly stashed your phone back in your purse. “I figured you’d be game for another round.” You laughed.

You and Joe spent the next few hours catching up, sharing drinks, and laughing about all of your old memories. The bar would be closing soon and you needed to get to bed, you had a long drive ahead of you tomorrow.

“I’ll walk you to your room.” Joe helped you from your seat, both of you stumbling and extremely tipsy.

“Thanks, Joe.” You slurred and took his hand.

You slipped your way into the elevator and up to the 7th floor before leading Joe down the hallway to your room. “Here it is.” You turned to him.

Joe grabs you around the waist, his hands shaking as though he might break you.

“Do you want to come in?” You whisper, your eyes locked on his.

He nods, his fingers still trembling and locked in your hips.

“You know I’m not going to break, right? I’m not as delicate as you think I am.” You giggle.

“I still feel like I’m going to break you.” His grip loosens even more. “I can’t believe I’m doing this. Never in my wildest dreams did I think we’d be back here and-“

You place a finger to his lip, silencing him. “Kiss me.” You whisper.

Joe crashes your lips together. His hands hungrily tracing every inch of your body. He lifts you up and without hesitation you wrap your legs around his hips, falling onto him as he sits on the edge of the bed before laying back.

You spend the rest of the night tangled up with Joe, his lips attacking yours.

“You ever think about us?” Joe asks after your long night. Your both laying in bed as the sun peaks through the curtains.

“Of course I do.” You answer, your voice horse and your lips swollen. “I think a lot about how timing is everything. We had the love, we had the whole universe. We just weren’t ready for each other.”

You both look at each other. And just like back then, there is so much love in your eyes. And somehow, the timing is still not right. And it seems that’s how things will always be for you and Joe, your timing will always be a little off.

“I think you need to go.” You clear your throat and break the stare between you two.

“What do you mean?” Joe pulls you into him.

“This isn’t right. We both know that. I really think you need to go. You have a wife and a family Joe. This isn’t fair.”

“What’s not fair,” he says, rolling away from you and throwing the comforter off of his body, “is that your about of put your clothes on and force me to leave this room.” He stands from the bed. “And I don’t know why.”

You stare at him, eyes wide and nervous. “Joe.” You say softly. “This isn’t right. You have to go. You need to.”

He plants a kiss on your cheek. “I still believe we’ll get our second chance. Somehow, someway we’ll find each other again. It’s pathetic, really, how much I still hope it’s you and me in the end.”

[stolenslumber]

though the stars walk backward (sjy) (part 1)

Your first encounter with Jake Sim ends with ketchup on your clothes and his burger in his friend’s lap. The second encounter doesn’t go so smoothly, either. He thinks he might have gotten the hang of it by the third time, but as the saying goes: there is no easy way from the earth to the stars.

PAIRING: sim jaeyun x female reader GENRE: college au, one-sided enemies-to-lovers (the e2l part is short-lived lol sry), friends-to-lovers, he fell first but then they both fell harder? lmao, soooooo much mutual pining, fluff, romance, jake as a star soccer player but also loser physics nerd, mc is an assistant manager on the soccer team because of Convoluted Reasons WARNINGS: swearing, familial angst/generational trauma WORD COUNT: ~11.8k a/n: lol (said with no humor whatsoever) i decided to post the first half rn and when i say "first half" what i mean is that i intended for this to come out as a complete fic instead of in parts however school is slamming me so hard and i'm contributing by ruining my own life SOOOO who was to say when this would ever see the light of day if it had to be a full fic..... anyways part 2 is like 30-40% written but i probably won't be able to work on the rest until after my semester ends so maybe may? lol (once again w/ no humor)

“Don’t freak out, but I think the girl you stare at in the library is staring back at you.”

Jake freezes with his burger halfway to his open mouth. “What? Where? And I don’t stare at her in the library—”

Jay nudges his friend’s jaw upwards. “I said don’t freak out.”

“At least he didn’t turn in her direction,” Sunghoon offers. But he says it while looking disdainfully at the ketchup dripping from Jake’s burger onto the dining hall table, so Jake isn’t all that comforted by it. 

Instead, he repeats “Where?” through gritted teeth. 

“At your four o’clock, but I wouldn’t get too excited about it.” Jay squints. “I’m pretty sure she’s glaring at you, honestly. Okay, seriously do not freak out, but she’s coming over here…”

Jake tries to figure out what to do with himself as you approach with alarming speed— should he fix his hair, or tuck his shirt in? Damn it, he doesn’t even remember if he’s wearing something clean today. Before he can fully comprehend it, you’re standing in front of him, looking as pretty as ever in a silky dress that floats down to your ankles. 

Your mouth opens to say something, and there’s a deep furrow between your brows that Jake longs to smooth out, but then his hands clamp down on his burger, and— “Oh shit, dude, I’m so sorry!” 

Bright red ketchup decorates the front of your pristine white dress.

Your jaw drops, as does your gaze, fixated on the ugly red splotch spreading over the fabric covering your stomach. Everything you’d been meaning to say to him flies out of your head, replaced by blood rushing in your ears as your anger grows at the foolish oaf in front of you. “This is dry clean only,” you hiss.

Jake drops his burger in Jay’s lap, ignoring his friend’s squawk of indignation. Hurriedly, he wipes his hands on some napkins and tries offering them to you before cowing under your withering glare. “I am so sorry,” he repeats. His arms flail at his sides before he picks up the cardigan lying next to him and hands it to you. “You have a library shift coming up, right? Please feel free to wear this until you can get home and change. I have class until two, but I can take your clothes to the dry cleaners afterwards. I’m really so sorry!”

Your mouth shapes around air a few times as you work out exactly how to respond to him, but then your phone buzzes to remind you of your library shift— it is coming up— and you decide that you’ll deal with this— and him— later. Unhappily, you grab the proffered cardigan. “Two o’clock. Don’t be late.” And then you twist on your heel and depart, leaving Jake to stare sadly at the swish of your hair against your back.

“Are you gonna take my clothes to the dry cleaners, too?” Jay intones dryly from beside him.

Jake groans and sinks back down into the booth, covering his face with his hands and shaking his head repeatedly. “I can’t believe that just happened. I have to walk into traffic now.” Before Jay can say anything else, Jake tacks on, “And yeah, give me your pants.”

“Damn, take me to dinner first. Oh, wait, I guess you did offer me food.” Jay plucks the burger out of his lap and deposits it onto Jake’s plate pointedly.

Sunghoon lets out a whistle between his teeth. “Wow, I’ve never seen anyone fumble so badly. Like, seriously, that should be studied in a lab.”

“I got nervous!” Jake exclaims. 

Sunghoon chortles. “Clearly. Cute girl comes over, and you not only call her dude, but you also squirt ketchup all over her.”

Jake kicks him in the shin, hard. “Can you not pile on?” 

“Sorry, sorry.” Sunghoon holds up his hands in mock surrender. “Was that the first time you interacted with her?”

Unhelpfully, Jay pipes up. “Unless you count staring at her in the library interacting, I’d say yes. Speaking of, how do you know her schedule, bro? You’re creepier than I thought.”

Jake jabs him with an elbow. “My class got canceled once and I saw her at the library then, okay? Some of us actually have homework, Socrates and Warren Buffet.” He rolls his eyes at Sunghoon (philosophy) and Jay (business) in turn. “And again, I don’t stare!”

A few hours later, Jake stares at the back of your head. 

He’s not in his usual spot in the library, which is a round table near the windows on the mezzanine level— straight line of sight to one of the reference desks, but he did not pick that spot on purpose, no matter how much his friends like to joke that he did. He’s been sitting in that spot since the first day of his freshman year; he’d chosen it because he likes being able to see out into the quad, and the noise level in that area is perfect for him (not too quiet, which would make him fall asleep, and not too loud, which would just make him want to join in on wherever the fun was). He couldn’t have known that you would show up halfway through last year, get a job as one of the students manning the reference desk, and then occupy the exact spot his eyes tend to rest on when he zones out.

And he really couldn’t have known that you would be so pretty.

It doesn’t help that you’re in practically all of his classes this year, and he’s had the opportunity to talk to you every day for the past two weeks if he wanted to. He’s not the most shameless person in the world (Sunghoon), but he’s also not scared of his own reflection (Heeseung), so why couldn’t he have just introduced himself like a normal person on the first day of classes and avoided this whole ketchup fiasco?

Someone comes up to the desk to ask a question, and your head tilts toward them as the afternoon sunlight frames your face just so; Jake gulps and thinks, Oh yeah, that’s why. So pretty. And dizzyingly smart, if the way he sees your pencil fly over quizzes is anything to go by.

As if sensing his eyes on you, you twist around fully to catch him staring. Jake blinks deer-in-headlights eyes at you; if this was a cartoon, there would be a ?! above his head.

Your eyes narrow at him and you jerk your head in your own direction. Get over here. 

Jake gulps and straightens up before shuffling over to you. He kind of feels like he’s walking to the gallows, but on a flower-lined path, because his cardigan on you softens you around the edges, and you look right at home in it. 

“Heeeeeeey.” He raises a hand and waves at you, though he’s right in front of you. He winces before you can even raise a skeptical eyebrow at him, but then you do, so he grimaces. “Sorry, that was weird. Uh, hi.”

You nod curtly at him. “Hi. I’m done in two minutes. Thanks for being on time.”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he mumbles to the floor. Luckily, you don’t catch it because you’re packing away the problem set you were doing in between answering student questions, which he chances a glance at because hey, he’d been having trouble with page 157.

Of course, you catch that. “What are you, twelve? Do your own work.”

“Wait, what? Hold on a second, I’m not trying to cheat off of you— hey, wait up!” He scrambles to catch up with you where you’re already halfway down the stairs. Panicked, he speeds past you and plants himself in your path, greeted by your look of supreme irritation for the second time that day. “I wasn’t trying to cheat off of you,” he says, more firmly this time. “I was just gonna ask you how you did with page 157, because I was having some trouble with it earlier.”

You scoff and slide to the left to go around him, only to be met by him mirroring you. “Are you serious right now? Get out of my way.”

“We’re going to the same place!”

“Yeah, and now I’ve remembered that I can pay for my own dry cleaning. Move.” You go right, and he follows.

“I’m still coming— I gotta take Jay’s pants there. I dropped my burger in his lap earlier when, well, you know.”

You go left again, and he follows once more. “Okay, for real? Let me go, asshole.”

Jake drops his backpack off his shoulders and hoists it onto his knee, rummaging around in it while still blocking your path. You think he’s officially lost it, but you’re also never one to miss an opportunity, so you feint to the right and then go left, but he’s faster and blocks you again with his head halfway buried in his backpack. Damn it, he’s good. You don’t realize you’ve said that out loud until he looks up at you and smiles sheepishly. “Soccer team,” he explains. Oh— that reminds you why you were approaching him at the dining hall in the first place, and real anger resurfaces in your blood. 

“Like I care,” you snap. You’re about to just shove him down the stairs and call it an easy day when you’re met with a crumpled piece of graph paper waved in front of your face. “What the hell is this?”

“Next week’s problem set! See, look, I finished everything except the problems on page 157, and I did get started, but I just wanted to check if I was on the right path, okay? I promise, I wasn’t trying to cheat off of you.” He frowns. “These aren’t even graded for quality. It’s just a submission for completion.”

Your eyebrows climb up your forehead. Though his handwriting is shit, you can see that he’s telling the truth. The fact that he’s doing the problem set for next week probably should have tipped you off in and of itself, but what surprises you is the simple elegance with which his calculations come out. “Hey, how’d you do that on number 89 on page 151—” You cut yourself off. “Never mind. Fine, I believe you. Can you move now? We’re blocking the entire stairway.”

Jake seems to finally notice the build-up of annoyed students in front of and behind you both. “Right, oops.” He zips up his backpack and slings it over one shoulder before descending the stairs with quick steps. He turns around and tilts his head quizzically at you when you don’t follow. 

Truthfully, you’re trying to decide if you should make a break for it and go up the stairs so you can take a different set of stairs down, but then you realize how childish that sounds. So, it’s with less dignity than you’d like that you meet him at the bottom of the staircase. But you don’t stop where he’s standing; instead, you breeze past him so smoothly that he finds himself staring at the back of your head for a few seconds before springing into motion after you. 

“Soooooo… dry cleaner’s?” He offers you a tentative smile once he’s fallen into step with you.

You seem to have made your mind up about something, because you turn to him with a dazzling smile that knocks the breath right out of his lungs. “Lead the way.”

“O-Okay.” He’s taken aback by your sudden about-face, but he’s not going to question it. 

He tells you that he’s happy to drive there, and you’re perfectly agreeable about it. You even start talking about the problem set that had been the source of such strife just minutes earlier. At the dry cleaner, you give him the biggest surprise yet when you ask for his number. Obviously, he gives it to you, and he has to pretend like he isn’t perturbed by the cryptic, almost manic look in your eyes when you promise that you’ll be in touch. 

But then you’re gone without so much as a goodbye, and it’s only when he gets back to his place that he realizes he doesn’t even know how you got home, and he can’t text you because he doesn’t have your number.

Still. A win is a win.

ball sports (derogatory) (heeseung, jay, jake, sunghoon) 

jake: this has been the strangest and possibly greatest day of my life

sunghoon: ur preaching to the choir ketchup boy

sunghoon: yizhuo told me i was hotter with blonde hair

sunghoon: so like hell yeah she thinks im hot but hell no now i have to dye my hair back

jake: ????? did i ask

jake: i’m talking about MY day

jay: she actually did not say you were hotter with blonde hair. in fact none of those words came out of her mouth 

jay: you asked if she liked your new hair and she said no

sunghoon: hop off my dick tf????

heeseung: so what happened jake

sunghoon: oh i can tell u this it’s old news

sunghoon: jake fumbled his first interaction w/ the girl he stares at in the library

jake: BUT she asked for my number and said she’d be in touch!!!!

sunghoon: right so u can pay for her dry cleaning bill

jake: OR maybe she wants to be friends

jake: to lovers<3

jay: idk she kinda looked like she wanted to take you out when she was coming over to us at lunch today

jake: take me out… oh my god LIKE ON A DATE?????

jay: no like

jay: lethally

women’s rights and wrongs (you, minjeong, aeri, somi)

you: so you know how i was gonna confront jake today

yizhuo: yeah i heard that went poorly

yizhuo: sunghoon said something about ketchup????

you: nvm all that. i have a Better Plan. i’m gonna ruin his life

minjeong: cool

somi: noooooo he’s hot

you: HE RUINED MY BROTHER’S LIFE

somi: girl u have to let that go

somi: ur brother is 10 and made it to the B team for club soccer

somi: i think he’ll be fine

you: BUT HE SHOULD’VE BEEN IN THE A TEAM. I SAW JAKE’S BEADY EYES SINGLING HIM OUT UNFAIRLY

somi: he actually has like insane puppy dog eyes

you: anyways i’m going to systematically but subtly make his life more and more difficult as soon as i start assistant managing his soccer team on monday. but he will never know it’s me bc i’m going to be so nice and normal to his face BUT ACTUALLY i’m gonna make him my bitch

yizhuo: “nice and normal to his face” u have the worst poker face i’ve ever seen

minjeong: technically speaking if ur an assistant manager aren’t u THEIR bitch

For reasons you cannot fathom, the men’s varsity soccer team has practice on Monday mornings, at the crack of dawn. You’re beginning to regret giving up your reasonably timed library shifts where you basically got paid to sit there and do your homework and check out computer chargers to students every now and then, but these are the things you do when you’re trying to be a good sister.

Autumn has arrived abruptly— almost overnight, if the smattering of ambers and ochres falling from the trees lining the soccer field is anything to go by. You realize you’re dressed entirely inappropriately for the weather when your teeth are chattering and your eyes are watering from the sting of the cold. The dress you’d picked out last night for today seems laughable now. 

“What are you doing here?” Jake’s voice, so unexpectedly close, makes you jolt and flail around a bit before turning to meet his confused expression— head tilted, eyes wide, and damn it, Somi’s right, he does have insane puppy dog eyes.

You gesture vaguely at the field. “I’m one of the new assistant managers. Surprise! Told you I’d be in touch.”

“Speaking of— did you get home alright the other day?” 

“Yeah, of course, I just walked.”

He wants to be concerned about that answer— the closest student accommodations are at least a thirty minute walk away from the dry cleaner’s— but then he sees you hop from one foot to the other while rubbing your arms. You look so out of place with your heeled mary janes sinking into the dew-damp field with every hop, but it’s so cute that he has to bite the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from grinning too widely. In a move that now feels familiar, he digs around in his bag before pulling out a spare sweatshirt and handing it to you. 

Appreciation for his kindness and irritation at his kindness play tug-of-war inside of you for all of two seconds before a particularly brisk gust of wind hits you, and then you’re yanking the sweatshirt over your head and breathing in clean soap and something else unfairly cozy. “Thanks,” you mumble. 

“Sure thing. Here, take this, too.” Jake digs around in his bag some more and emerges triumphant with a thermos. He twists the cap off and pours some liquid into the cap before offering it to you. 

It smells like… “Hot chocolate?” 

“With two espresso shots, because we have intro to Python right after practice today.”

You grimace in unison at that reminder, and you’re kind of glad that that’s the last expression on your face before you sip at the drink, because it’s perfect, and you have to refrain from letting your eyes roll to the back of your head. So he’s practical, makes delicious hot drinks, and, because you’re not immune to those big brown eyes, attractive. It’s a pity he was such a jerk to your brother, because otherwise you’d be swooning. 

But he must have seen something change in your face, because he lets out a giggle— oh no, it’s so cute— and hands you the entire thermos. “I think you need it more than me,” he explains. 

You try to remind yourself of your brother’s disappointment after club soccer try-outs last week, which you had seen from your totally not-creepy position, brooding inside your stepdad’s car over how to best connect with this 10-year-old kid who was just old enough to recognize that girls had cooties and not old enough to share any genuine interests with you. It was less creepy because you were there to pick your brother up, but you feel like you’re not any closer to him than a stranger (in fairness, you hadn’t known that he existed before last year). You’ve tried, in fits and starts, to get to know MJ better, to actually form some sort of sibling bond with him, but most of the time, you’re his glorified chauffeur. He tries, too, and your heart goes all fuzzy when you notice it, but there’s only so far that a 10-year-old whose greatest joys in life are cookies ‘n cream ice cream (understandable), and soccer (more confounding) can get before he decides that his Nintendo is more readily enjoyable.

The look on MJ’s face after try-outs last week had spurred you to apply for the assistant manager position. He was so sad about the B team, and you did the whole comforting, cajoling song-and-dance as best as you could, but he had just snapped at you that you didn’t get it, that you couldn’t get it. And then he had burst into frustrated tears, and you vowed at that moment to learn everything you could about soccer, as well as to give Jake Sim a piece of your mind. 

Jake Sim, whom you had only known as the guy that finished the first lab faster than anyone else in your extrasolar research methods class, until you saw him blowing a whistle on the sidelines of MJ’s soccer try-outs, looking like he had some sort of authority as he directed a group of kids, including MJ, in a series of drills. Later, you found out from Minjeong that Jake is a star player on your school’s soccer team, so he presumably has some basis for helping out with the local club soccer team, but you hadn’t been all that interested in finding out more. You’d seen enough from the way he took MJ aside after the teams had been announced, and MJ’s subsequent tears in the car, and you knew vengeance would be yours. 

Unfortunately, vengeance is currently offering you hot chocolate with two espresso shots, and he is distressingly earnest when he wraps your hands around the thermos and points you in the direction of the other assistant managers who are supposed to onboard you. So, you bid Jake a stiff goodbye as you try to ignore the warmth spreading from the tip of your nose down into your throat. It’s definitely the hot chocolate, but you’re annoyed at even the possibility that it could be connected to Jake. 

women’s rights and wrongs

yizhuo: so how’s world domination (ruining jake’s life) going?

you: hard to say. he gave me a sweatshirt and hot chocolate bc i’m wearing a stupid ass outfit and it’s cold as hell out here

minjeong: he said that?!

you: no I’M saying that

you: i need to change my entire wardrobe so i’m never caught unawares like this ever again. i let my guard down and this is what happens. 

somi: a guy is nice to u? yeah god forbid

you: HE IS BESMIRCHING MY HONOR (AVENGING MJ)

minjeong: jeez you get so victorian when you’re distressed 

somi: sorry are we ignoring the fact that he gave her a sweatshirt and hot chocolate????

minjeong: omfg YEAH that’s like. bf behavior

you: oh fuck there’s some sort of commotion going on out there in the field

you: omg they’re bringing a STRETCHER out

you: i gotta go guys ttyl xoxo etc. 

yizhuo: notice how she never responded to the bf behavior allegations

Jung Sungchan, team captain, is down and out for the count after being wheeled out of practice on a stretcher with a torn ACL. This is reasonably concerning to everyone on the team, but none more so than to Jake, who finds himself at the receiving end of a Serious Talk about leadership qualities and such from his coach that ends with, “... and that’s why we want you to fill in for Sungchan while he’s recovering.”

“Huh?” Jake tilts his head at his coach. He must have misheard; there’s no way they want him to fill in for Sungchan.  

“The seniors love you, the underclassmen look up to you, your peers respect you, and all the coaches agree. Sungchan will come back as soon as he’s able, but he won’t be able to actually play this season, so you’ll have to keep up the leadership on the field and off. We’re confident in your abilities. Good man.” His coach claps him on the shoulder, and that’s the end of it. 

Jake is still staring dumbly in his coach’s departing direction when you approach him with his cardigan, sweatshirt, and thermos. 

You had planned to just give him his stuff and leave, but curiosity gets the better of you after having witnessed the spectacle out on the field. “Everything alright? Who got carried out on that stretcher?”

Still a bit shell-shocked, Jake speaks without thinking: “Worried it was me?”

You look at him like he’s an alien species. “It clearly wasn’t, because whoever it was is much taller than you.”

Jake frowns up at you. “Okay, no need to go for the height. That was my captain, who’s gonna be out for the rest of the season, so now Coach wants me to fill in for him… I don’t know what he’s thinking. I mean, I get that seniority isn’t everything, but this feels kinda unfair to any of the seniors who could’ve stepped in for Sungchan.”

“How convenient to have everything handed to you on a silver platter,” you mutter. It’s an entirely unjustified thing to say— you barely know Jake or anything about his background, but then MJ’s tear-stained face flashes across your mind, and you don’t feel so bad about it. 

Genuine hurt and a hint of actual anger sparks in Jake’s eyes. “Okay, what’s your problem? I get that I didn’t make the best of first impressions the other day, but I apologized and tried to make up for it— you can just text me the bill from the dry cleaner’s, by the way— and I don’t know what else I’ve done to upset you, but I’m sorry for whatever that is, too. Are we good, or is there something else you’ve got against me?” His last question comes out almost aggressively as he stands up, bringing him not quite chest-to-chest with you, but close enough that you notice the perfectly defined cupid’s bow of his lips, and then you’re disgusted with yourself. College hormones have made you fallible; it shouldn’t sway you that he’s cute (and kind, and smart, and considerate, your brain reminds you unhelpfully). 

“We’re good,” you snap. “Here’s your stuff.” You shove the things he gave you into his arms before whipping around sharply to walk (stomp) away, pointedly ignoring his surprised yelp when your hair hits him in the face. Childishly, you think that it serves him right.

Sadly, your conscience comes back to haunt you approximately 18 hours later, at which point you’re pulling out ingredients and clanging whisks against bowls. 

Minjeong sticks her head into the kitchen to ask, “What are you doing?” 

You freeze in your movements, letting a particularly clumpy spot of brownie batter fall from your raised spatula back into the mixing bowl. “Cleaning,” you lie baldly. One unimpressed eyebrow raise from her gets you to clear your throat and put down your spatula. “Making brownies,” you amend.

“At midnight?”

“Yeah, I just had… a craving.”

Minjeong seems to consider pushing you on this, but the smell of the brownie batter wins her over. “Awesome, can I have some?” She moves to dip her finger into the batter.

“No!” You shriek, covering the bowl with your arms crossed on top of each other in an X.

Minjeong pulls her hand back and looks at you with alarm. “Why? What’s wrong?”

You sigh and retreat from the bowl. “Sorry, I don’t know what came over me. Um, I’m making brownies… for Jake—”

“For who now?”

“—’s soccer team,” you finish, turning to glare at Somi and her untimely entrance.

She only waves slyly at you from where she’s leaning against the doorway of the kitchen. “Y’know, it’s not really his soccer team. It’s the school’s soccer team, or maybe Jung Sungchan’s, but sure, let’s call it Jake’s, too.” She tsks. “Pretty privilege.” You give her a pointed up-and-down, to which she just shrugs.

Minjeong seizes you by the shoulders and peers aggressively into your eyes, ignoring your surprised yelp. “Why are you making guilt brownies for Jake Sim?”

“They’re not guilt brownies!” You splutter, waving your hands in front of her face as if that will stave off the gleam of interrogatory insanity in her eyes.

Drawn by her nose and her ears, Yizhuo chooses that point to wander into the kitchen, as well. “Who are the guilt brownies for?”

You groan and drop your face into your hands. Somi and Minjeong exclaim “Jake Sim!” in gleeful unison before dissolving into giggles.

Yizhuo decides to show you mercy, bless her heart, because all she does is come over to inspect the brownie batter and hum noncommittally. Of course, she ruins it when she spots what’s on the stove and gasps dramatically, “Guys, she made ganache! These are, like, mega guilt brownies!”

Back when the four of you first started living together last year, you were a mid-year transfer student whose sudden appearance had forced Somi, Minjeong, and Yizhuo’s two-room triple to turn into a two-room quad, and your guilt about disrupting their living arrangements had led you to bake them brownies from scratch— cocoa powder, chopped chocolate, browned butter, espresso, and everything. The girls had clamored for the recipe (your mother’s). Since then, you have happily moved out of the dorms and into a subsidized student apartment, but you each continue to make variations of the brownies for each other as peace offerings after a spat, or celebrations, or gestures of comfort.

And now, as an apology for being mean to Jake Sim, which is how you summarize it to your still-giggling roommates.

“Well, I’m sure he’ll like them,” Yizhuo offers, with a poorly-concealed smirk. 

“They’re for the team,” you repeat.

“Riiiiiight, and is the team with us in the room right now?” Somi wiggles her eyebrows at you, then her shoulders, then her entire body, and it’s so absurd that you tear up from laughing too hard. You had moved across the country for your brother, and you hadn’t expected anything else would come out of it, but now you have the best of friends, who hold a piece of your heart, and you, theirs. The thought makes you unexpectedly emotional, so much so that you begin making another batch of brownies.

“These are just I’m really glad we’re friends brownies,” you sniffle. 

Somi exchanges a look with Minjeong and Ningning, and then they’re all descending upon you in a hug; one big mess of limbs and love. It’s absolutely wonderful. 

The next day, you carry multiple containers of brownies around with you all day, looking for a chance to offload them (and your guilty conscience) onto Jake. It shouldn’t be this hard— you share four out of five classes with him this semester, and you’re supposed to be at two soccer practices a week in rotation with the other assistant managers, as well as every other game. But everywhere you turn, Jake is either slipping out of class before you can get to him, or he arrives just before the professor starts lecturing and you’re already seated with your pencil poised over paper. 

You’re not on rotation for practice today, so you spend a rather agitated handful of hours doing schoolwork after classes, until you get a last-minute text from your stepdad asking if you can pick MJ up.

Of course, you get the shock of your life when you get to the address your stepdad sent you and see Jake Sim playing soccer with your brother at some local park. You’re not alone in your surprise; Jake makes a full stop upon catching sight of you and gets a soccer ball to the head for it, knocking him fully down to the ground. Thankfully, he pops back up immediately, just in time to catch you speeding past him to fuss over MJ. 

“What on earth are you doing here alone?!” You exclaim to your brother, looking around as if the rest of his soccer team will materialize out of thin air. “Did that bad man lure you out here?”

Jake’s eyes bulge out of his head as he looks around at the zero other people on the field before pointing to himself and mouthing Me? at you. 

MJ just shrugs and points at Jake. “Practicing with Jake hyung.”

“Jake hyung?” You squint at the offender in question.

“Yeah, he’s been helping me get ready for next season’s tryouts.” MJ scuffs the toe of his shoe against the grass, clearly embarrassed by your fretting. 

“Hey, Minjae, is this your… sister?” Jake asks tentatively. The question itself is innocent enough, but irritation and jealousy set your blood buzzing; MJ rarely lets you call him Minjae. He claims MJ is cooler, and he doesn’t let your mother call him Minjae, either, but your stepdad calls him Minjae freely and with an abundance of returned affection.

“Yep.” MJ pops the p as he looks between the two of you, now sensing that whatever is going on here is larger than him. “Uh, can I go to the bathroom?”

“Sure.” You and Jake respond in unison, which makes you glare and him blush.

“Okay, cool. See ya.” MJ races off to the porta-potties with unusual enthusiasm, but you suppose he’d rather be there than here to witness the breakdown of normal social interaction between you and Jake.

The instant MJ is out of earshot, you whirl on Jake and demand, “How do you know my brother?” 

Instinctually, he puts his hands up in surrender. “He looked like he was pretty down on himself after club try-outs last week, so I talked to him and offered to run drills with him, like, once a week, okay? I’m not some…. bad man!”

“Oh.” You deflate in front of his eyes as you realize the depths of your misunderstanding. “Well… okay.”

He eyes you apprehensively. “We’re good?” 

“Yeah, yeah, we’re… good.” The words remind you of the acerbic encounter you had with him the day before, which reminds you of the guilt brownies, which reminds you of the guilt. Like everything else in your life, you decide to get over this with clinical efficiency. “Listen, I owe you an apology. Probably several. I was picking up MJ from try-outs last week, and I saw him with you, and then he was crying in the car, so I jumped to conclusions about you and your role in the try-outs. That’s why I came over to you at lunch the other day, to tell you off.” You take a deep breath and barrel on, mindful of your brother’s likely imminent return. “I shouldn’t have assumed. I’m sorry, Jake.”

“Oh, no, that’s okay, really, don’t worry about it.” Jake rubs the back of his neck and looks anywhere but at you. He’s never seen you like this before— contrite, sincere, and concentrating so fully on him that he wants to either hide his face from you or do something even stupider, like ask you out. Instead, what comes out of his mouth is, “I think the dry cleaning is ready, if you want to go pick it up right now. With me. Or without me, I guess. I can just, like, be there. And you’ll be there, too. But we’ll be there separately. Wow, should I stop talking?”

That prompts laughter from you, and his breath catches in his throat at the wonder of watching delight unfold across your face. In that moment, sunlight emerges from behind a patchwork of clouds, but it’s your laughter that warms him from head to toe.

“Let me just drop MJ off at home, and then I’ll come with you to the dry cleaner. Together, not separately.” Your eyes twinkle in residual amusement at him, and he lets himself break out into a goofy grin.

MJ makes his presence known by loudly asking why the two of you are just standing there smiling at each other, and if Jake can walk home with you all. Jake manufactures a coughing fit and you ignore MJ’s first question, but you say yes to the second one. 

MJ cheers and starts tugging Jake along in the direction of your mother and stepdad’s house. You trail behind them in bemused amusement; they talk about soccer the whole time, and Jake is playful and patient but never condescending with the boy that clearly idolizes him. Watching Jake interact with your brother is bittersweet— it’s so easy between them, in a way that you’ve never experienced yourself. By the time you reach the house, MJ has extracted a promise from you both that he can attend Jake’s next home game.

At the door, MJ fist-bumps Jake and is magnanimous enough to allow you to kiss his cheek goodbye. You send him off with a, “Be kind!” and he hollers back, “I know!”

And then it’s just you and Jake, who’s looking at you with a newfound curiosity that makes you nervous. “What?” You snap, and then you instantly backtrack. “Sorry, I, uh, I’m still a little wound up from—” thinking you were a jerk— “… earlier.”

“All good.” Jake tips his head towards the sidewalk, and you realize you’re still on the doorstep of MJ’s house. You follow Jake onto the sidewalk, where he asks, “Do you always tell him to be kind?” 

It’s the last thing you expected him to ask. “Um, yeah. Not that he’s a mean kid or anything, but my mother always told me to be good, and I’ve heard her say the same thing to him, so I just… want him to hear something different.” Because be good just means be quiet and perform well, and you already go to therapy every other week for that. 

Jake beams at you. “That’s awesome. You’re a great sister.”

He’s saying all the things that would be right for someone else, but for you, they’re all the wrong things. Still, there’s no way he could know that, and it’s not his fault, so you try to tone down your wince. “Thanks, but I barely know how to talk to MJ. He’s old enough to find it lame to just hang out with his sister, and we don’t have a lot in common. That’s why I applied to be an assistant manager, actually— I’m trying to learn more about soccer.”

“Sounds like best-sibling-of-the-year behavior to me. Seriously, I have an older brother— he’s the one who introduced me to soccer— and we have a great relationship, but he never joined the orchestra for me, or anything like that.” Jake nudges your shoulder with his. “And hey, if you want to learn more about soccer, you can ask me anything, anytime.” 

He turns eyes so kind and earnest on you that your thought process halts and then restarts like a broken record. You have to grab onto the closest coherent thought before you stare at him for too long. “You were in the orchestra?”

Jake wrinkles his nose. “Yeah, but I was pretty average with a violin. Dumb jock, you know?” He smiles at you to let you know he’s joking. 

Thankfully, you smile right back. “Soooo true. Remind me how long the first extrasolar research methods lab took you?”

He blushes and waves you off. “Ah, well, that’s the kind of stuff I want to do in the future, so I better get good at it, right?” He lowers his voice, even though there’s no one around who could possibly overhear his nerdy confession. “Honestly, I cried a little when the first images from the James Webb telescope came out.” 

In equally hushed tones, you respond, “Me, too.”

Jake grins. “Aerospace engineering, right? Your brother did say that his sister loves machines and stars.”

The fact that MJ talked about you at all is enough to have you floating on air. “Yeah, that’s me. And hey, this is us.” You point to the sign for the dry cleaner. 

“Oh. We got here fast.” Jake tries— and likely fails— not to sound too disappointed. But you’ve already gone ahead into the store, so he leaves behind his foolish desires (walking back to where you’d dropped your brother off and then here again, if only to spend more time with you) at the door. 

In the store, Jake gives Jay’s pants a perfunctory once-over to check that they’re fine, but his attention is mainly focused on your dress— it comes back perfectly clear of any ketchup stains, to which he lets out a loud, relieved sigh.

You eye him strangely for that reaction. “I know I was a bit high-strung about it at the time, but it wouldn’t have been the end of the world if my dress was ruined. I wouldn’t, like, come after you with a pitchfork.”

He pauses for a second to let that image play out in his mind. “Y’know, I didn’t think you would, but now that you’ve brought up the possibility…” He grins when you laugh and shove lightly at his shoulder. “But seriously, it would have been a shame. You looked really nice in that dress.” The words tumble thoughtlessly out of his mouth, but he can’t bring himself to regret it when he sees your mouth part in surprise before flattening into a tiny, pleased smile. 

“I would hope so. I have excellent taste,” you say, trying to sound haughty and ending up somewhere near flustered. There’s heat in your cheeks; you’re stuck between wanting to wipe that boyish smirk off of his face and wanting to frame the way it looks. 

“So… are you headed back to your house?” Jake tries out what he wants to say next in his head, first: And would you mind if I walked you there?

“Oh, yeah. It’s getting kind of late. I think your friend— Sunghoon? Yizhuo invited him over for dinner tonight, actually, if you… also want to come.” You cringe at how awkward that sounded. “I mean, not that it’s going to be a big thing, or anything. Minjeong and Somi are making an insane amount of mac ‘n cheese, because there was a really good sale at the grocery store, so we’re just trying to offload it, really. There’s gonna be a bunch of people there.”

Jake’s head tilts in confusion. “Your friends live with your family?”

“What? No, we’re in an apartment on Maplewood. MJ lives with his parents, but I don’t live there.” You grimace. “I go there for family dinner once a week, so that’s where I went after we came to the dry cleaner for the first time. But that’s only on Wednesdays, thank god.”

Jake hums noncommittally. There’s more he’d like to ask, to know, to understand, but then his stomach growls, and he laughs sheepishly. “I’ll gladly take you up on the mac ‘n cheese. I need some fodder to tease Sunghoon with, anyways. Seeing him with Yizhuo always does it.”

“The will-they-won’t-they childhood-menaces-to-who-knows show?”

“Exactly. So, tell me about aerospace engineering…”

The walk to your apartment is long by any measurement, but it passes by quickly. Jake asks you genuine questions about propulsion systems and your friends, and you learn that he loves superhero movies, his family dog, and poetry, of all things. He’s endearingly bashful about the last one.

“Physics is pretty dry at the undergraduate level, even when it’s astrophysics. But the way that poets talk about the stars… It takes my breath away, a little bit. Reminds me that it’s a marvel to just look heavenward, I guess.” He rubs the tip of his reddening nose. “Silly, right?”

“Not at all.” Romantic, actually, is what you want to tell him. Romantic, because he talks about space like it’s a reverential thing, like a telescope can be a paintbrush through the night sky, like constellations are more than just sets of stars connected by the human eye. But you’ve reached your apartment, so all you say is, “Hold on, let me get my keys.”

“Oh, hey, I can help you with that—”

“No, it’s okay, I got it—”

In the fumble of dry cleaning, backpacks, sports duffels, and totes between you two, somehow every single container of brownies tumbles out of your bag. Jake’s eyes catch on the hasty letters you’d scrawled on duct tape on the lids of each container last night to distinguish between the brownies you ended up making for your roommates: FOR JS & TEAM. His eyebrows shoot up as your face burns; he doesn’t want to jump to conclusions, but…

“There was also a sale on baking supplies at the grocery store,” you lie. Then, you shake your head. “Okay, no, that’s not true. I made these last night and I meant to give them to you today but I never got you at the right moment during classes, and then there was the whole thing with MJ, so I almost forgot… Anyways. You said you were worried about the seniors on the team being upset about you for stepping in as interim captain, and I’m sure they’re not so easily swayed by just baked goods, but I thought maybe you could give these to them, as a way to, like, soften the beaches, or something. It’s not much, but I promise, they’re really good.”

Jake’s jaw drops. “You made these… for me? Even when you hated me?”

“I made them for you to give to the team,” you insist. “But, yeah… I did.” You frown at the ground. “Look, I really am sorry about the way I treated you before. I wasn’t going to, like, trauma-dump on you, but I guess I will, now, because I want you to know that I never hated you.” You take a deep breath. “MJ’s mom is my mother, too, but she left my dad and I when I was in elementary school. I didn’t hear from her for a decade, until last year, when she reached out and told me I had a brother on the other side of the country, and she had been pregnant with him when she left my dad and I.” 

You chance a glance at Jake. “Please don’t look at me with pity. My dad’s a great guy, and so is my step-dad. I moved out here to be closer to MJ, and you can see how that’s going, but I love him purely, without complication. It’s just my mother who’s… complicated. Anyways, I just got MJ, so I’m a bit overprotective over him, and I was quick to paint you as the bad guy, but that’s no excuse. These are I’m-sorry-for-jumping-to-conclusions brownies. And bribe-your-team brownies.”

He shakes his head. “I’m not looking at you with pity.” It’s awe, he thinks. Awe for your heart, loyal to the point of changing schools and moving across the country for a brother you had never met. Awe for your diligence in making enough brownies to feed an entire team. And most of all, awe at your goodness, for doing all of this because you knew you were in the wrong.

“Can you look at her somewhere where you’re not blocking the doorway?” Sunghoon’s voice pierces through the strange moment. You and Jake move into action all at once, collecting containers of brownies while juggling your other things.

“Thanks for the help, dude.” Jake punches Sunghoon’s shoulder sarcastically. 

Sunghoon shrugs and holds up the shopping bags in his hands. “Precious goods, my man.”

Jake peers into one of the bags. “Tiramisu?”

“Yeah, Yizhuo was on my ass about contributing to dinner.” Sunghoon rolls his eyes fondly. “She also told me to marshall the troops for the mac ‘n cheese, so Heeseung and Jay are a couple minutes behind me. Seriously, did you guys buy out the entire grocery store, or something?”

You laugh as you unlock the door and usher them inside. “Or something.” You had heard that the sale really was quite good, but truthfully, you suspect there’s more to it than that. Based on the way Somi exaggeratedly darts her eyes between you and Jake, you think you’re probably right. You get the sense that even if you hadn’t invited him for dinner, he would have shown up with Sunghoon’s contingent anyways.

“Ladies, you are so not slick,” you mutter to your friends when it’s just the four of you in the kitchen.

Minjeong smiles beatifically at you. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. This is just an impromptu but no less lovely dinner party for our friends… oh, there’s the door! I’ll get it.” 

In a sense, you suppose she’s right. It’s not like Jake is the only other person at this semi-spontaneous gathering; eventually, there are almost 20 people eating mac ‘n cheese on various surfaces in your apartment. It’s an eclectic bunch— pretty much anyone you or your friends knew who was available to come eat mac ‘n cheese. But Minjeong insists that you and Jake share an armchair in the living room because there’s nowhere else to eat, even though there is clearly an open chair next to Heeseung and a free spot on the rug next to some kid from your programming class last year.

“This is really good!” Jake enthuses. He says it while shoveling food into his mouth, so it sounds more like Vif iv weally good! He’s also eating with his non-dominant hand to keep from spilling anything on you where you’re pressed up against each other in the armchair, though that turns out to be fairly counterproductive because he keeps missing his mouth with the fork.

Your head tips back in a fit of giggles. “You look ridiculous,” you inform him. He just grins at you with chipmunk cheeks stuffed with tiramisu. “Here, let me.” You take the fork from his hand and feed him a mouthful; it’s much more efficient this way, you reason to yourself.

He’s so startled by this that he starts choking on the dusting of cocoa powder atop the dessert. You end up thumping him on the back until his airway is clear again, and he hopes you chalk up the redness of his face to the choking. 

“Um, you have a little…” You motion to a spot of cocoa powder at the corner of his mouth. He wipes at entirely the wrong corner, and you’d think he was doing this on purpose, except he starts choking again when you use your thumb to wipe the powder away.

He gets over it much more quickly this time, though. Once he’s finally back to normal, he wills himself to summon all— or any— of the charm he has ever possessed to turn warm eyes on you. “Thanks for inviting me here tonight,” he says. There’s a slight rasp to his voice that is probably due to all the choking, but he hopes you think it’s sexy, or something.

“Oh, it’s no big deal. Thanks for helping us eat the food, and for, uh, coaching MJ, I guess?” Your voice is approaching a squeak, which makes you want to die, a little bit. He’s just looking at you so sincerely.

His gaze holds yours. “Easy day. And hey, you’re totally welcome to come join us whenever you want. I was just gonna keep meeting him at that park, so you know where to find us.”

“Thank you,” you repeat, quieter this time. “My mother… she’s hard on him. Always be good, be the best, you know? So he was pretty torn up about not making the A team.”

“I kinda sensed that he was tense during try-outs. Not that it’s bad to try hard, or to want to be on a certain team, but at his age, he could benefit from just… having fun, I think. If you don’t mind me saying that.”

You nod. “Believe me, I agree. MJ’s way too serious for his own good.”

“Some may say he gets it from you,” Jake teases lightly. 

“Some may say that’s not how genetics work, but we’ll leave that to the pre-meds.” You tip your head toward Yizhuo, who is arguing about some memory from hers and Sunghoon’s childhood with him. Your heart glows with contentment as you look around the room; all of your favorite people (plus or minus miscellaneous others) gathered in one place on a random Monday night. 

Jake carves out a piece of his tiramisu and holds it up to you like a toast. “To the pre-meds. And old friends, and new ones.” 

“And new ones,” you echo.  

As it turns out, the soccer team is exactly as easily swayed as a container of brownies. 

You’re at practice when it winds down and Jake holds up your stack of containers like Simba in that one scene in The Lion King. “A gift from the lady,” he intones grandly to the team gathered in front of him. You nudge him with your hip. “Okay, and me, I guess, but seriously, she did all the work. Listen, guys, I’m not gonna lie— it’s gonna be rough without Sungchan. But I believe in us, and I believe in these brownies!”

“Brownies!” The team roars back. Said brownies are demolished in a matter of minutes, and then every player makes it a point to sing your praises and give Jake a hug or a fist-bump on their way out. 

You’re still gaping by the time it’s just you and Jake left on the field. “That’s all it took?” 

Jake turns to you with his arms crossed smugly over his chest. “Hmm? Oh, yeah. The way to the heart is through the stomach, and all that.”

“Otherwise known as: men are so easy.” You bemoan all the fancy ingredients and time you put into those brownies; you’re sure the team would have been just as happy with boxed Betty Crocker. 

“Yeah, but these taste like care and love,” he insists. 

“Alright, buddy, I wouldn’t go that far. And how would you know? You haven’t even tried one yet.”

“Oh my god. You’re right.” Jake looks aghast. “Are there any left?!” 

You make a show of looking around at all the empty containers around you. Jake’s face falls so comically and he pouts so fervently that you can’t keep up the ruse for long. Laughing, you pull out one last ziplock bag of brownies from behind your back and present it to him. “Saved one just in case.”

He plucks the bag out of your hands with exaggerated delicacy, which vanishes when he bites into the brownie and lets out an honest to god moan. Heat floods your face immediately. 

His eyes are closed when he tells you, quite seriously, that you are a goddess amongst mortals. “Did you drug this? I feel like I’ve ascended to a new plane of existence.” He moans, again, eyes still closed.

“Hello, stop making that sound, you weirdo,” you hiss. 

He cracks one eye open to wink at you. “Where is your mind? Get out of the gutter, ma’am. Ow, okay, I get it!” He jumps away from your jabbing elbows. “Seriously, these are incredible. You could make money off of them.” 

“You’re just saying that because you want me to make them again, for free.” 

“Will you?”

“... Maybe if you let me look at how you got to your answer on number 89 on page 151.”

Jake’s hoot of delight carries you all the way to the library, where he shows you his usual spot and apologizes for ever making you uncomfortable with his staring— it’s just that you used to occupy the spot to which his eyes zoned out.

You give him a blank stare of your own. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I never noticed that you sat here. Or that you stared.”

Jake’s blush starts from the bridge of his nose and spreads out across his cheeks. “Oh, well, that’s good, I guess.”

“But I can sit next to you now, and you can stare all you want,” you offer jokingly.

His blush only intensifies. “Nope, that’s fine, I’ll just keep zoning out at whoever they replaced you with at the reference desk. Great, it’s… Huening.” He waves unenthusiastically at the lanky boy.

“Who?” You squint at your replacement.

“Huening Kai. He’s on the basketball team with Heeseung.” 

“Are all of your friends athletes?”

“Not all, but most of them, yeah. Sunghoon and Jay are doubles partners on the tennis team, and they were roommates with Heeseung and I, respectively, so that’s how we all became friends. But I’ve got other friends in the physics department. And now, you.” Jake smiles softly at you, letting the words linger in the air for so long that your pulse starts to pick up speed.

“So, this is the famous staring, huh?” You mean for the words to come out friendly and light, but instead they come out low and musing.

“The one and only.”

“Hmm. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable, if that’s what you’re wondering.” And you mean it. His gaze is warm and easy, like the blanket a loved one draws up over your shoulders when you’re half-asleep.

Confidence returns to him like a boomerang as the corner of his mouth tips up in a smirk. “Are you giving me permission to stare at you?”

“Five minutes of staring for every problem you let me look at in your notebook.”

“We’re bargaining now?” He tsks and pulls out his work, though his shoulders are shaking with laughter. “How about this: you can look at my notebook for as long as you want, if you let me do the same for yours.”

“That’s just called working together, Jake.”

“Sure, but I also get to stare at you.”

“Tough deal for me.” But you’re staring at him, too, and there’s something hesitant and wanting brewing in your chest. It goes away when you clear your throat. “I’m feeling benevolent today, so I’ll allow it.”

Two hours pass by as you work on problem sets in companionable silence. He does stare at you more often than is perhaps necessary, but half of the time it’s because he really is zoning out. The other half… well, just because you’re friends now doesn’t mean you stopped being pretty.

When you finally decide to call it quits, it’s almost 8pm, and both of your stomachs are growling loudly. Jake yawns and stretches leisurely, like a large puppy. You’d laugh at the sight if you weren’t so transfixed by the ripple of a toned stomach exposed by his stretching. Suddenly, you remember that the soccer team does strength training for an hour every other day, and Jake is no exception.

Thankfully, he’s too busy complaining about being hungry to notice your wandering eyes. “Ugh, I think the dining hall is closing now. I have ramen back at my place, if you wanna—” Jake cuts himself off abruptly as he realizes the innuendo behind his words. “I mean, not like that. You probably have food at your apartment, what am I even saying, haha!” His voice goes high-pitched towards the end. 

Mercifully, you ignore his slip-up. “Yeah, actually, we still have mac ‘n cheese left, so I’m probably going to microwave some of that. You’re welcome to take some home with you, if you want.” You shake your head immediately after the words come out of your mouth. “What am I even saying? You have ramen back at your place.”

And then you’re back at square one, both staring at each other with wide eyes and heat creeping up your necks.

Jake is the first to break the silence with peals of laughter that dissolve into giggles. You’re not far behind, and it isn’t long before Huening is glaring at the two of you and miming zipping his lips shut.

The two of you make your way out of the library still giggling, but right outside the library doors, Jake asks if he can walk you home. There’s a shy, boyish look on his face when he asks; it stirs up that strange, stumbling desire in you again. 

“I really don’t live that far,” you murmur. 

“I’m trying to get my steps in,” he jokes. He knows you saw him running back and forth across the field for two hours during practice today.

“I really don’t live that far,” you repeat, already starting in the direction of your apartment. When you don’t hear him follow, you turn around and quirk an eyebrow at him. “Aren’t you coming? Can’t have the star player missing his steps.”

He grins and catches up to you quickly, and then he spends the next ten minutes badgering you for more compliments. You have never felt so warm on the walk home.

Just as promised, you let MJ come to the next home game. It’s your first game as an assistant manager, so between keeping an eye on MJ and keeping an eye on your actual responsibilities, you’re pretty frazzled before the game even starts. 

You’re settling MJ into a spot on the bleachers when someone taps your shoulder. You turn around to gasp at the sight of Jake. “Your hair!” The jet-black strands are no more; his hair is now a silvery-tinged blonde.

His smirks as he runs his fingers through his hair. “Team bonding thing we do every year. Jay did it for me this time, though, so it looks better than it normally does.” He crouches down to MJ’s seated level. “Hey, buddy, be kind and stay put for your sister, alright? She’s got a big job today.”

MJ stands up and nods solemnly, then salutes Jake with two fingers that turn into finger guns. The whole display is so ridiculously adorable that everyone around you in the bleachers laughs.

Jake repeats the gesture back at MJ through his own giggles before straightening up and turning to you. “Feeling nervous?”

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

“Nah, the playing is easy. Well, it’s not easy, but it’s second nature. I actually find it harder watching from the sidelines, not having any control over the action.” He peers closer at you. “Are you nervous, assistant manager?”

“A little,” you admit. “I still feel like I don’t know much about soccer.”

“MJ could explain everything to you, right?” Jake high-fives your brother. “Sadly, he can’t be with you on the sidelines, but do you see that cat-looking guy over there?”

You squint in the direction Jake points in— a group of his teammates milling around on the sidelines. The cat-looking guy sports amateur-ish frosted tips which make you suppress a chuckle, but he’s easy enough to spot. “Yep, I see him. And the consequences of not having Jay around to dye your hair.”

Jake lets loose a burst of tiny giggles. “He tried his best, okay? And his name is Jungwon. Freshman with a lot of potential, but he sprained his ankle yesterday, so he’s sitting a few games out. He can tell you anything you want to know during the game.” Jake holds his pinky out to you. “You’ll be just fine. I’ll see you after the game, yeah?”

You’re speechless as you nod and wrap your pinky around his. It’s not clear to whose benefit this promise is, but your heart is tap-dancing in your chest at the realization that he came up to the bleachers just to reassure you about the game and ask to see you later. 

He releases your pinky and is halfway down the bleachers before you muster up your words to yell at his back, “Good luck!”

When he turns around, he’s beaming. “Don’t need it! You’re here, aren’t you?” Then he’s off to be with his team, and there are people whispering all around you, but all you can do is smile stupidly after him.

“You guys are acting weird,” MJ declares. 

“So weird,” Sunghoon agrees.

His sudden appearance makes you yelp. “Sunghoon? When did you get here?”

He wiggles his eyebrows at you. “Just in time to see that whole display.” He points his thumb behind him. “Yizhuo’s just getting snacks from the car. I know you wanted her to watch MJ during the game— do you mind if I tag along? I wanted to see Jake exercise authority as captain, anyways. It’s gonna be hilarious.”

“Knock yourself out. Hey, MJ, this is Sunghoon, one of Jake and Yizhuo’s friends. He’s on the tennis team, so don’t give him too much of a hard time for doing that instead of soccer, okay?” You ruffle MJ’s hair. “I’m gonna go, but I’ll see you after the game. Be kind!”

“I know!”

Down at the sidelines, you meet Jungwon and the rest of the players not in the field today. You’re tentative at first about asking Jungwon questions, but you find that he’s an enthusiastic— and entertaining— commentator. It isn’t long before the other players are clamoring to give you the low-down on what’s happening out on the field, as well as all the latest team gossip.

“... and that’s why Jisung’s girlfriend is ignoring him,” Sohee explains as the first half of the game comes to an end.

“Should you be telling me this?” You laugh, but the question is somewhat genuine.

Beomgyu pats your shoulder. “There are no secrets on the team, and you’re part of the team now!”

“There are no secrets on the team because everyone is a nosy little shit,” Jake says loudly from behind you.

As one, you and the other players turn to face him.

“Heeeeeeey, cap’n!” Jungwon salutes him with a cheeky grin. 

Jake eyes him with suspicion. “You’re not scaring off our new assistant manager, are you? We just got her.”

Mischief glints in Jungwon’s eyes. “Absolutely not. We were just telling her about Jisung’s girlfriend. We can move on to talking about the girl you stare at in the library, instead, if that’s better—”

Jake shuts him up with a (light) slap over the head. “No need, thanks!” The blush blooming over his cheeks is not lost on the team, who giggle like schoolchildren. 

“The staring really is famous,” you muse out loud.

“I just came over here to make some substitutions,” Jake huffs. Then, like he can’t help it, he shoots you a small smile. “You doing alright?”

You salute him like Jungwon did. “No complaints, captain.” To your delight, he appears flustered by the title coming out of your mouth.

“O-Okay, so Beomgyu, you’re gonna sub in. Wonbin, too, and…” 

The second half of the game goes by in a flash; before you know it, Jake has assisted Beomgyu in scoring the final goal, and your team wins 2-1. The crowd is jubilant, and you’re more animated about the win than you had expected. You join in on all the cheering and applauding with enthusiasm to rival that of MJ, whose screeches of delight you can hear all the way down the bleachers.

You can’t even try to look for Jake at first— every player seems to have welcomed you into their hearts now, so you’re bombarded with a chorus of congratulatory hollers and See you tomorrow! and Thanks for the advice! as they gradually leave the field. 

You’re reassuring Anton that it’s not embarrassing to go to the writing tutors at the library for help when Sunghoon and Yizhuo approach with MJ skipping in between them. Anton thanks you profusely before running off to the locker room, and then MJ is talking your ear off about how cool the game was. In between his exclamations, you thank Sunghoon and Yizhuo for staying with him.

“MJ’s pretty cool. Text me anytime you need someone to hang with him during a game,” Sunghoon offers. “Or Heeseung or Jay. We come to these pretty often, since we’re all on our off seasons right now, so there’s usually one of us here.”

You smile genuinely at him. “That’s really nice of you, Sunghoon. Thank you.”

Yizhuo tsks. “Men do the bare minimum.” She ignores Sunghoon’s half-hearted protests and kisses your cheek in farewell. “We have to go— double date. I’ll see you at home!”

You wave goodbye with equal parts amusement and bemusement, and then you turn to the field. At this point, MJ has run off to play with the few stragglers still kicking a ball around, so you watch them for a few minutes with a content smile on your face. 

“Hey.” Jake sidles up to you without a sound and then chuckles when you jump in surprise. 

You swat at his shoulder halfheartedly. “You just missed Sunghoon. He and Yizhuo are going on a… double date.”

“With each other? Or, like, they’re each going with someone else?”

“Y’know, it wasn’t clear.” 

“Man, I’ll have to interrogate him when he gets back. But besides that… how’d you like the game, lucky?” Jake looks expectantly at you. 

“I think I understood, like, 60 percent of the game, which is pretty good if you consider that I was probably at 10 percent before today.” You give him the same look. “What does ‘lucky’ refer to? Is that some kind of soccer slang?”

He looks away and runs a hand through his hair, suddenly bashful and bambi-eyed. “No, it’s just me being dumb, I guess. This is the first game we won this season, and it’s the first one you were at, so you’re like… a lucky charm.”

There are many things you could say. Correlation doesn’t equal causation, for one; every fledgling scientist knows this. And there has only been one other game this season, so your data set is quite sparse to begin with. Instead, all that comes out of your mouth is a slightly skeptical but mostly teasing: “I thought you said you didn’t need luck. And what if I was here and you lost instead?”

“Then I would’ve been lucky just to see you on the sidelines,” Jake murmurs. 

You are not usually moved by sentiment. But this one is so sweet and sincere tripping off his tongue, delivered with those warm brown eyes; once again, you’re rendered speechless by Jake Sim.

Beomgyu coughs loudly, thoroughly dispersing the pink clouds you half expect to see floating around you and Jake. “Sorry to interrupt,” Beomgyu snickers. “But I think your brother is ready to go home.” He points to where MJ is slumped over on a bench, eyes droopy and hair sticking to his forehead. 

The sight makes you smile fondly. “He’s had a big day. We’ll get going, then. Bye, guys!” You wave to the rest of the players on the field and get a few hollers in return as you and Jake walk over to MJ, who seems to have nodded off completely by now. 

He looks so young like this— and so peaceful that you don’t want to wake him. You’re debating how to get MJ home with the least amount of disturbance possible when Jake solves the problem for you by crouching down and putting MJ on his back.

“Did you drive here?” Jake asks you in a whisper.

“Yeah,” you whisper back. 

Jake hoists MJ further up on his back and secures his arms under the little boy’s legs. “C’mon, I’ll take him to your car.”

He starts walking in the direction of the parking lot, but you’re stuck in place, struck by the sight of Jake moving so slowly, careful not to disturb MJ’s sleep. Here is this guy you lambasted endlessly in your mind and multiple times to his face, all because of an assumption you made, and he’s holding your brother like a treasure. The sight makes your heart ache with inexplicable tenderness. 

Dusk bleeds into night as the stars peek out across a velvet sky, and the poets would say that the stars bear witness to this— the moment when that stumbling, hesitant desire in you begins to bloom into full-bodied love.

But you will not realize this until much later, because the heavens are fickle, and there is no easy way from the earth to the stars.

[wrathofrats]

Seeing blind (you’re too good to be all mine)

Chapter 3! 3k, Teen audiences, no warnings apply

(Part 1) (part 2) (as always thank you to my cowriter @divine-misfortune)

Read under the cut, or on ao3!

“Well the others are having a bonfire tonight, wanted to know if you wanted to come with me”

Rain hesitates for a second. It’s more than they’ve done, it’s actually going off the property together instead of their usual sneaking around the grounds. Besides, do the others even like him? Most he’s never spoken more than a couple words to but-

“Oh, actually I don’t know. Wouldn’t want you to get dirt on your gown play with the peasants, princess”

Rain gasps, shoving him lightly

“I’m fucking going”

“Rainy, gotta get up” Swiss shakes rain awake.

It’s early. Swiss knows the time he usually gets here by feel alone, leaving his apartment before the sun is up and stepping outside onto the gravel right as it starts getting bright.

Rain yawns in his arms, pushing away a bit with a lingering shame from sleeping on his chest last night.

“Did you sleep at all last night?” Rain asks, rubbing the sleep from his eyes,

Swiss has to lie, he can’t tell rain the real reason he couldn’t sleep and he would feel bad about it for no reason anyways.

“Of course I slept like a baby with you in my arms, but you better get inside fast before you dad comes back, just saw him behind the silo”

Rain rolls his eyes with a halfhearted shove to Swiss’ chest. He tries to hurry down the ladder, looking both ways across the yard and making a mad dash to run back inside.

Swiss knows he will be chewed out later. He hasn’t changed, looks like a mess and by now he’s probably considered late even if he hasn’t clocked in yet. It’s worth it for rain though.

Swiss keeps a couple spare blankets in his truck after that night.

Rain can’t keep himself away. Sure the loft is a thousand times more uncomfortable than his own bed but he has to admit that he hasn’t slept that good in weeks. He knows Swiss didn’t sleep, evident by the bags under his eyes and tired smile he had in the morning. Rain doesn’t want to keep Swiss up that late again, but he wouldn’t complain if it happened by accident another time or two.

Their usual game continues. Rain hanging around the barn too much with a flirty lilt to his voice while Swiss acts like he has no clue why rains there even if he does. It still puts butterflies in rain tummy to see him. They’ve kissed, they’ve spent the night together but those big brown eyes have him weak in the knees.

“Meet me at my truck at sun down ok?” Swiss says low in rains ear one day as he walks by to feed the cows. It’s quick and Swiss has disappeared onto his next task before rain can stop him and ask why. He will do it anyways, of course he will.

The day goes by slower than rain had hoped. Looking at the sun every couple of minutes and hoping it sets faster and faster but the anxiety only prolongs the time that it feels rain is waiting. The sky turns a pretty orange and pink as rain sits in his day bed by the window, reading. The perfect sign that it’s time to go.

He throws on his boots and heads down the stairs. If he can get outside before his dad comes back he won’t have to explain anything. Rain stops to grab an apple from the kitchen, knowing Swiss probably hasn’t eaten since noon.

The sky darkens into a pretty dusk with a cool breeze that smells like nothing but Autumn. Swiss is leaning on his truck when he approaches, watching the small sparkling dots start to appear as it continues to get darker.

“Hi tadpole, glad you made it” Swiss wraps his arms around rain from behind, earning a small giggle as he sways with him.

“What did you need me for?”

“Wanted to show you something” Swiss holds out his hand, motioning for rain to hop in the bed of his truck “just get in for me”

Rain steps up with a struggle, Swiss grabbing his waist instinctively to hold him steady and get him in. He tries not to linger on it but the blush that spreads across his cheeks instantly gives him away. If Swiss notices though, he doesn’t say anything, more focused on laying his spare blankets down for them to lay on.

“And what is it you’re showing me?” Rain snuggles into Swiss’ side. His head lays by his shoulder with Swiss’ arm around him, he continues to stare up at the sky, pointing at a group of stars.

“Do you see that v?” He traces a shape into the air, “and the little, like, circle at the end of it?”

Rain squints, trying to follow his finger.

“I think so?”

“That’s Pisces, the fish constellation” Swiss says, fascinated by how bright they get out in the country.

“Doesn’t look like a fish to me” rain says, still squinting and trying to make out the image in the sky

“Well, it’s not exactly supposed to. It just is.” Swiss laughs “and that orange dot on the border? That’s Jupiter. You can’t see it from my apartment with the light pollution, but here? It’s beautiful”

Rain had never seen Swiss so enamored before, a sparkle of wonder in his eye like a child with his first telescope. He traced another shape, some kind of cup, or a U. Thinking quietly to himself.

“And why did you show me that one?” Rain asked after a second.

“Well you’re my little fishy, tadpole. Thought it was only appropriate.”

Rain mumbles a shut up before going back to watching him trace shapes. He did have to admit that the sky was beautiful. An inky blackness full of dots of light and he could honestly sit here and listen to Swiss talk about it for hours if he was able to.

It starts to become more apparent that maybe Swiss really is a bad influence on him.

Rains sneaking out a lot more, staying out late to skip back inside before the sun comes up but other times he’s too caught up in Swiss to want to leave.

He can never bring himself to pull out of his arms, though he refuses to say that out loud. A part of him worries that Swiss is merely… amused by him and nothing else, and that’s why he has to dive headfirst into whatever they have going on. To him it may be entertainment and meaningless but rain has regretfully caught feelings.

Swiss doesn’t fare any better in his own doubts. He wants to love him, be by him every second of the day but there’s a fear hes going to scare rain off. He’s going to get too attached and rain will leave.

The best they can do is just stick around and hope the other doesn’t run.

Rain lingers outside more on Fridays.

The weekend is always bleak. Rain takes up the necessary daily tasks that can’t be left undone while he waits for Swiss to return. Even just not having the presence of any of the other workers makes it boring. Rain enjoys seeing dew and cirrus mess with each other as they work, or mountain picking phantom up to reach high things. It adds life where it’s otherwise just dirty and yellow in rains eyes.

He waits by the barn more just to get more glimpses of Swiss before he has to be without him for two days. It isn’t a lot in the grand scheme of things but to a love sick rain it always feels like he may never return.

“And what’s a pretty little thing like you doing tonight” Swiss leans against the wood with his arms crossed. Rain scoffs at his boldness, rolling his eyes.

“Well I’d say it depends on who’s asking”

“And what if it’s me who’s asking?”

“Well then I guess I’m free, maybe” rain taunts. Swiss steps closer to him to grab his hands and swing them together.

“Well the others are having a bonfire tonight, wanted to know if you wanted to come with me”

Rain hesitates for a second. It’s more than they’ve done, it’s actually going off the property together instead of their usual sneaking around the grounds. Besides, do the others even like him? Most he’s never spoken more than a couple words to but-

“Oh, actually I don’t know. Wouldn’t want you to get dirt on your gown play with the peasants, princess”

Rain gasps, shoving him lightly

“I’m fucking going”

His truck is parked far past the field and into the large gravel plot that a couple storage buildings sat on so nobody could hear his awful muffler. It meant rain had walk a bit further on his own, glancing at his watch periodically. Home before 5, and he would be in the clear.

Swiss’ truck was warm and smelled like hay and tobacco and the worn leather of his coat, mixed with the cheap cologne that he tended to wear. There was no center console in the truck. Just a long bench with an old rosary hanging from the mirror. Swiss plays an old cassette as they drive. It’s a lot of old rock and country and it’s so very him. Rain thinks his heart may burst right out of his chest, especially when he sings softly to the music. His voice is like silk and as sweet as honey and he wants to live in it forever. Honestly he tries not to stare but he’s not very good at it.

Swiss keeps seeing Rain's hand resting on the seat and he wants to reach for it but dutifully keeps his hands on the wheel

They drive up to a small house and park on the lawn, driving slightly back behind and out of the light of the street lamps. A small fire flickered nearby with a couple of beat up lawn chairs in a circle around it.

He opens the door to shocked faces. Never in the other workers lives did they expect Swiss to bring rain to one of their hang outs. They thought he wasn’t allowed off of the property, let alone be with them.

“Get locked out of your tower princess? Maybe someone can throw down their hair for you” dew calls once the initial shock wears off.

“Oh fuck off you’re only mad you’re shorter than him” Swiss called, grabbing his own chairs from the bed of his truck. There was a bit of protectiveness and possession to his voice that has rain frozen, biting his lip as he waits for Swiss to set up the chairs.

Rain attempts to sink into his chair. He feels shy, out of place, because the others are staring at him like he’s some kind of alien creature. But Swiss has his arm around him and he’s warm and smells nice, so he will be ok for a bit.

“Keep this warm for me tadpole, Coke or a beer?” Swiss shrugs off his flannel and throws it over rain’s shoulders as he squats beside him, waiting for an answer.

“Um” rain looks around to the various drinks in everyone else’s hands, mostly alcohol, “beer please”

Swiss slinks off into the house. Rain draws the flannel tighter around him, breathing in his scent. Rain could get used to that cheap cologne he thinks, especially if he plans on keeping the flannel forever, but he’d never tell Swiss that.

A cold glass bottle is placed in his hands once Swiss comes back. He throws rain his keys giving him an expectant look.

“Go ahead rainy, use that old silver one”

“Use it for what?” Rain holds them up, confused

“Oh my god he doesn’t know how to open a bottle” dew barks out a laugh “Swiss give that poor kid your Coke, Christ!”

Swiss grabs the bottle from rains hands, swiftly using his keys to pop it open with a smile.

“I’m driving you irresponsible idiot” Swiss rolls his eyes “besides, I wouldn’t be fucking talking considering mountain has to open yours because otherwise you do it with your teeth”

Dew yells back something that Swiss blocks out. He’s stupid, yes he’s his best friend but god he can be an obnoxious idiot. He turns to see if rain is ok, and is enamored. He looks pretty in the glow of the fire. The music is loud and the fire is roaring and Swiss has never wanted him to be here more.

Rain takes a sip of his beer, scrunching his nose at the taste. It’s bitter and rain doesn’t know if he can finish it but he keeps taking small sips anyways just so he doesn’t look like even more of a loser. Swiss absolutely notices, the tell tale sign of someone’s first beer and he knows he hates it, but it’s funny to watch him try.

It’s still early in the night. Phantom keeps asking mountain to identify different trees in the dark while mountain sighs and keeps the lightweight entertained. Dew and cirrus argue over god knows what, probably some game they caught earlier in the day.

Swiss randomly grabs rains beer from his hands, taking large swigs when he thinks no one will notice. He wants to help him finish it, doesn’t want to embarrass him. For Swiss he knows it won’t affect him at all but he doesn’t want to see rain keep having to try and choke it down. Besides, he will sneak him a water later when he gets up to get another Coke.

The fire crackles and dims a bit as everyone mingles within themselves. Rain fidgets with his hands, stil awkward like he’s doesn’t exactly know how to conduct himself in a crowd of strangers, especially ones that assume he looks down upon them. He wraps his fists in the sleeves of Swiss’ flannel, playing with the buttons. Swiss swoons, secretly hoping it’ll smell like him whenever he gets it back. If he gets it back.

“Excuse me” rain whispers, getting up and heading inside for a moment. Dew stares at the door until it closes, getting up to walk towards Swiss.

“Why the fuck would you bring him?” Dew hisses, getting in Swiss’s face with a finger on his chest.

“What’s your problem? He’s cool I promise”

“Oh yeah sure and when he tells on us when we’re all hungover tomorrow you’ll be the one to find us all new jobs” dew tries not to turn completely red with anger. A mix of alcohol and fear and exasperation for Swiss’ actions.

“He’s not like that, he won’t sell us out” Swiss sighs. He hasn’t said a word about them so far, hell he hates his dads rules more than anyone, why would he care if the rest of them broke them? He’s never been the warmest, so it’s only fair they’re wary, even if it doesn’t feel great.

“He’s a spy, a sell out. This is just some weird plan to make sure we are doing our work I’m sure of it”

Mountain gives a sympathetic glance to Swiss. He knows him better, the look in his eyes around rain and the fact that he gave him his favorite flannel, he knows.

“Drop it dew. If it comes to that then we will worry about it then” mountain calls.

“Mark my fucking words army knife”

Rain soon comes back, feelings the new settled tension between everyone. Cirrus and phantom avoid looking at him while dews gaze only harshens. Mountain at least offers him a polite smile.

“We should get going rain, it’s late” Swiss says gently, folding up his chair.

They pack up quickly and ride in mostly silence on the way home. Rain feels bad, clearly something happened but he doesn’t know how to ask, and Swiss doesn’t know how to admit that they seem to hate him.

It’s not important, at least for now. Swiss parks far away in the gravel so the headlights don’t shine through the windows and rain makes no move to get out. The crummy old cassette plays a song that’s more static than music.

The silence doesn’t feel as bad the longer they sit, stealing small glances at each other. Their eyes meet accidentally, making them both laugh nervously.

The click of rains seatbelt makes Swiss jump, his heart falling a little because of the realization that the night is actually over now. Rain shifts to turn towards him.

He’s adorable. Flannel a little too big and sliding off his shoulders, his hair messy and the moon catches the sharp angles of his face just right.

“Not even a kiss goodnight? Thought you were a gentleman” rain laughs, trying to tease and almost ask for what he wants outright. They haven’t truly kissed again since the night in the barn, only a couple pecks on the cheek here and there.

“Well you gotta come here then tadpole” Swiss leans over the bench, placing a small peck on his lips and rain just looks disappointed when they part.

He needs a little more, his skin feels itchy whenever he and Swiss get close because god he wants to kiss him again and again and again-

Rain furrows his brow, just looking at him.

“You look disappointed rainy”

“I’m not, I just thought….”

Swiss smiled, grabs him by the collar and drags him in for another one. A proper kiss, just a little desperate until they’re both breathless and heaving into each other space. Rains lips are kissed a pretty red and a little plump and god Swiss is just

In love with him.

“Is that an ok goodnight princess?”

“Of course it is”

And with that, rain hops out of the car and sneaks back inside. Swiss stays for a second to make sure he gets in alright, he doesn’t comment about his flannel.

Rain doesn’t even realize he still has it until he’s back in his room. He closes his door quietly and leans back against it, trying to remember how to breathe properly and it’s hard because he can still smell Swiss. That’s when he looks down, realizing he accidentally stole his flannel. He truly didn’t mean to wander off with it.

He tells himself he will wash it and return it because it’s only polite, but he’s already climbing into his bed with it before the thought finishes.

Rain doesn’t sleep until well after the sun is up because his head just swims. Trying to pick every second apart. Was it more than what he thought it was? Was Swiss just indulging in him?

He likes him a lot. He hopes and prays this isn’t some stupid fling and Swiss is secretly just messing with him and rain doesn’t even know how to bring it up without sounding like a love sick idiot.

He needs to be more careful anyways. They can’t be around each other that much because they’ve been more than careless and honestly they’ve been lucky they haven’t been caught.

There’s a small part of rain that wakes up to Swiss’ scent and realizes he’s not next to him, he feels like an idiot for even imagining.

[agaypanic]

Holy cow, you are going through these requests super fast. Woah! Also congrats on graduating. So am I. This isn't detailed at all but maybe a graduation fic with Hyde or Kelso. You can do whatever you want with it.

Proud of You (Steven Hyde X Reader)

Masterlist

Request Something!

Summary: Hyde never cared for school or big events that didn’t revolve around him getting wasted. But he always shows up for his favorite girl.

A/N: congrats on graduating to you too!! Also, reader is in Jackie’s grade. Also number 2, even though i write for hyde I DO NOT SUPPORT THE ACTOR!!! kk that’s all, hope you enjoy :) F/f means favorite flower

***

You loved your boyfriend; you really truly did. But part of you didn’t believe Hyde when he told you he would be in the front row of your high school graduation. He didn’t even show up to his own graduation! You expected him to forget and find him sitting in his chair in the Forman’s basement, watching some stupid show with the guys.

You still kept your hopes, though. Steven Hyde could always surprise you by showing that he cared. Besides, even if he didn’t come, your other friends would surely show up to see you and Jackie walk across the stage.

But as you sat in the overcrowded, echoey gym, all you could think about was making sure you didn’t miss your name being called by the class president. It was hard to focus with all the camera flashes and cheering families.

“Y/n L/n.” You stood up at the call of your name and moved through the chairs and up the stage. You heard cheers from the crowd of friends and families but couldn’t differentiate any of the voices. Grabbing your diploma and shaking the principal’s hand, you looked out to the audience. Unable to see anyone clearly, you shrugged and returned to your seat.

The ceremony felt like it went on forever. The names and claps seemed never-ending, but after God knows how long, caps were thrown, and you were released to meet with your families. Your family got to you before you could reach the bleachers. You were showered in affection, congratulations, and flowers.

So many flowers.

“Mom, you’re smothering me.” You laughed as your mom crushed you in her embrace and continuously kissed your cheeks.

“I don’t care. My baby graduated!” She took your face in her hands and peppered your forehead with more kisses. Your dad had to pull her off of you, whispering that you should go while you had a chance. As much as you loved your mother, you took that chance.

Speeding off, you looked all around to see if you could find any of your friends. It was an easy task; Kelso was a giant, so you were quick to find him smothering Jackie with affection while the rest of your friends surrounded them, clearly grossed out.

“Hey!” Donna spotted you first, bringing you into a hug before passing you around to everyone else. “We were starting to wonder where you were.”

“Mom got emotional.” You laughed as Eric patted your head, telling you, ‘Good job.’ Everyone else gave you the same sentiment, except for one. The one you were looking forward to the most. “Hey, where’s Hyde?”

“That’s weird,” Fez said, looking around the room. “He was just here.”

“Yeah, he’s around here somewhere.” Using his height advantage, Kelso searched through the crowd. His eyes lit up in recognition somewhere behind you, but he quickly turned around as if someone was telling him to look away. A few seconds later, you felt an arm around your shoulders, bringing your back to a familiar chest.

“Hey, Doll,” Hyde whispered in your ear, kissing the side of your head. “Congratulations.”

You squealed in delight, turning around in your boyfriend’s arm to hug and kiss him.

“I’m kind of surprised you’re here.” You looked down at the hand that wasn’t holding you. “With flowers.”

“Of course, I’m here, Y/n.” Hyde handed you the bouquet of F/f, making you thankful that you passed all the flowers you had already gotten to your dad before you ran off. His now free hand threaded through the hair at the back of your hair and brought you forward so he could kiss the top of your head. “I always show up for my girl.” You grinned.

“I’m so glad you came.”

“I’m proud of you, Doll.” Hyde leaned down to whisper into your ear. You could practically feel the smirk on his lips. “Maybe we should find an empty classroom so I can show you how proud I am.” You laughed, trying to ignore the heat rising in your face.

“Oh my gosh, shut up.”

[asheurbanipal]

Where were they going without ever knowing the way? Ch. 2

on A03

<<Previous

Summary:

No luggage. No gas in the truck. No memories. Waking up with amnesia in a shack in the desert, our heroes find themselves drifting down the highway with no specific direction in mind. The only thing driving them? We know each other, and know each other well. But how? And why? And what is this feeling that lives in the pit of my stomach when I look at you?

Deadpool/Wolverine

Explicit

Words: ~10k

Chapter 2/2 in series

Content: memory loss, amnesia, trauma, amputation, canon-typical violence, bathtub sex, homophobic slurs

Chapter 2

"We haven't seen you in more than a week," said the man Logan had learned was named Scott. They had some kind of beef. None of them were talking about it, but everyone was clearly aware. The tension was there.

The giant silver dude, Colossus, had pulled their jeep around until it backed up to the SUV, creating areas for everyone to sit. Another woman with white hair had arrived --literally flying in-- that raised a warmer sense of familiarity in his chest. She hadn't given her name, yet, though. She seemed extra pissed at him for whatever bullshit it was they had pulled. 

"Okay, so what was going on the last time you saw us?" Wade asked. This group --the X-men-- had been concerned but prickly with Logan. A sort of familial irritation. For Wade that was amped up to frustrated exasperation. 

"There was an interstellar dragon situation in Moapa Valley," Scott sighed. Logan felt Wade tense in excitement. He shot a hand out and pressed it around the top of Wade's shoulder into the bottom of his throat a little. He caught the message to maybe shut the fuck up for a second. 

"Wade begged to come with," Scott continued. "I told him, 'no.' He said if I let him come, he could show us some ammunition caches out in the desert he knew about. Something from an older merc job that they never cleaned up."

"Oh, fuck I'm a goddamn genius." Wade clapped rapidly in delight. 

"Yeah, unfortunately," Scott agreed. "So I let you come. It was your idea to go to Vegas."

"Hm, that does sound like me," Wade decided. "Oh! I know what Vegas is! That's a good sign, right?"

"It ended up being a terrible idea, so..." Scott turned a small circle with his arms crossed. 

"To be fair, Scott," said Hank McCoy. "I only came on this particular mission to go to Vegas myself. We were going that direction, anyway." Hank --Beast-- had taken a minute to adjust to. Big. Blue. Furry. But somehow this particular brand of weird was acceptable and familiar. He turned to Logan. "I wanted to touch base with a colleague at a research facility near Lake Mead." The new information immediately sorted itself into a lower priority drawer in Logan's brain. 

"Fine," Scott agreed reluctantly. "But you two basically disappeared the instant we got to Vegas. Three days later, you've stolen one of the SUVs off the jet and left Warhead a cryptic message about 'a memory wipe guy.'" He nodded to the girl in yellow, the one that had spoken to them first.

"I told him you'd come home eventually," Warhead said, "be he insisted we try to at least pretend to look for you."

"Because you've both been acting fucking weird lately, so I wasn't sure what bullshit you'd get up to." Scott kicked a rock in the dirt. "Ever since-"

"Don't tell them, Scott."

"Storm?" 

The woman with the white hair --Storm, he now guessed-- moved from her perch on a nearby rock to sidle up to where Logan was sitting on the back of the SUV bumper.

"Let them relearn it themselves," she hissed. "They want to solve their petty squabbles by manipulating their minds, let them earn their memories back." 

"I did something to you didn't I?" Logan asked, cowed under her steely gaze. 

"More what you didn't do. And when you remember, you're going to regret it."

#####

"I'm not getting in that fucking plane. We'll drive back. The tracker is on, isn't it? You won't lose us this time."

"Logan…"

"We'll meet up in Vegas." 

Wade watched from the back of the SUV as Logan argued with the guy wearing the visor. Scott. Scooottt. Name sounded funny in his head and on his tongue. The instant he had suggested everyone get back on the jet, Logan had freaked out. 

Baby boy doesn't like to fly. Put that away in the vault and lock it up. 

Knowing they had a very sexy domestic relationship had changed the way he looked at Logan. That bloom of warmth he had been trying to make sense of was welcome now. He could bathe in it. 

Logan stormed up to the side of the SUV, wrenching it open to hop in the driver's seat. 

"Wade. Finish up whatever and get up here. We're going." 

"Yes, sir, Logan, sir." Wade pulled the SUV hatch down and scrambled through the center opening, unfolding in the front seat. There was a brief cold war with the X-Jeep through the rearview before the other vehicle headed off into the sand. 

"Dicks," Logan said to the reflection of their tail lights. He pressed the keyless ignition and began the process of moving the SUV back to the highway.

"Sounds like they're your best friends." Wade offered his hand across the console of the SUV. Logan took it absently.

Oh, muscle memory. Delightful. 

"And considering you're apparently my partner, I'm getting a stark sense of the company I keep." He squeezed Wade's hand. The sensation rolled up him so nicely he could ignore the half an insult underneath. 

Not like I'm NOT an asshole, from what I can tell. No reason not to accept it. 

"Do you think we're a happy couple?" Wade asked, pushing the conversation in a direction he preferred. 

"According to the pictures…" Logan rumbled a thought across his mouth. "Yes. I think we are. I feel like we are. It feels good."

"What would have happened if visor-boy and the mutant crew hadn't shown up?"

"We'd go to the address on our licenses. I had already been doing the math on the drive to New York."

"No, I meant when we were making out. If they hadn't interrupted." Wade flipped their hands over a few times. 

"I would have fucked you senseless. I was not ready to slow down. It was like a…fugue state."

Oh those asssshoollleeesss.

"I'm glad we got stopped, though." Logan removed his hand to shift the GPS then settled it back. "I would have felt weird about it afterward. Because we're not totally ourselves." 

"I wouldn't have," Wade replied. Logan kept his eyes on the road and didn't speak, but there was a tilt to his head that suggested he was curious to hear the rest of that. It was little realizations like this where he started to see the imprint of their relationship. The fact that he knew how to read Logan's body language. 

"We were both consenting, " Wade continued. "You're hot as hell. And if you fuck like you fight, you are a champion of dicking down. If you deigned to lower yourself to my level, I'd one night stand you in a heartbeat, no questions asked. With the added knowledge that we're already together, I don't really care if I can't remember anything. I'd suck your soul out of your dick even if I had a lobotomy." 

The silence that followed made Wade more and more nervous, Logan's hand tightening around his. When it relaxed, he felt himself breathe again. 

"What do you mean lower myself?" Logan glanced sideways under the shadow of his eyelashes. 

Holy fuck do I actually have to explain this to him? He can't be this stupid.

"Look, I've got a supple ass and a sick rack. This is not up for debate. But this suit's hiding a lot of sins, baby girl. Underneath all this red sexy, is a…mess, basically. No one thought to give me the full scoop on what the fuck is wrong with me, but whatever it was, it turned me into a giant ballsack."

"Wade, I think you're extremely attractive." They had hit a stretch of straight road, and Logan took the risk to chance some hard looks at Wade. 

"I'm sure you got over your initial gag response, at some point, and now you love me because of my inside beauty, but like…come on."

"There's no way I had put up with this from you for any length of time."

"What 'this?'" 

"This self-deprecation thing."

"And there's no way I was totally cool with getting my arm chopped off on the daily, so clearly-"

"So clearly it's something we worked on at some point." Logan squeezed his hand one more time before setting it on the wheel to deal with a rough patch of road.

Oh. I hadn't considered that. 

"What if we just suck?" Wade countered. "And not in the fun way. We're just terrible people who are terrible together?" 

I don't want to believe that. That doesn't feel right at all. It makes me sad. 

"I don't believe that," Logan said.

motherfucker's telepathic

 "I think we're just a little broken, " Logan said. "And we're fixing each other. Slowly. Or at least taping each other back together." His fists went tighter around the wheel. 

"How are you so sure?" Wade asked. 

"I'm not. But the only solid memory I've gotten back is that I love you. So that must be the most important one. I can work from there." 

No wonder I'm in love with this man.

#####

Logan found the cellphones, fully charged, in a secret compartment in the back of the SUV while they were stopped at a travel plaza on the west side of Phoenix, Arizona. Scott had been kind enough to at least inform him that the SUV did, indeed, need to get refueled whenever possible. The solar battery would only run them so far even at the full charge it had built up parked out under the sun. With full nightfall coming on fast, they weren't going to be able to recharge for a while.

They had both gone in to take a piss, and now Wade was taking forever for whatever reason. They had already changed into civilian clothes, so it wasn't a suit issue. It didn't matter. It gave him time to go through their phones by himself. Whatever he had told Wade, a part of him was nervous, still. 

He held the phones in his hand, deciding which to go through, first. Both had unlocked on his face. The pink glitter case with the tiny rainbow charm and an illustrated cat giving the middle finger on the lockscreen was probably Wade's. He sure fucking hoped it was, at least. It felt wrong to go through Wade's stuff without permission, so he started digging through the phone with the black and gray case, first. 

It was less than useful. 

His lock screen was their dog in a little red suit like Wade's. The wallpaper was a picture of him and his maybe-daughter eating cotton candy. Someone else had taken the picture. Maybe Wade?

The rest of the phone was starkly practical. A few basic functional apps, New York Times puzzles, and solitaire. The calendar said that "Puppins" was due for their flea and heartworm meds, so that was a clue on the dog, at least

Scott said they had been acting weird "since-." Since what? He flicked back through the calendar to look for anything that seemed like a big deal. Regular briefings with the X-Men, reminders to take out the trash, lawn care service…

"Dinner?" Logan said to himself as his feet dangled off the back bumper of the SUV. Two months back was an entry in his calendar that didn't look like he made it. It was the phrase "TAKE ME TO DINNER" in all caps with emoji hearts next to it. "Maybe I didn't take him when I was supposed to. Then we fought? Is that what we've been being 'weird since'?"

"You found our phones!?" Wade shouted across the parking lot, drawing everyone's attention as he jogged back to the SUV. He had changed out his red suit for a loose jersey with an X on it, cargo khaki shorts, knee-high socks and sandals. He looked objectively ridiculous, but it matched his overall vibe so perfectly, Logan couldn't imagine him in anything else. He had acquired a baseball cap with a cardinal on it inside the travel stop. 

He hopped up next to Logan in the SUV, pulling out a couple of Ramune soda bottles. He popped the marble at the top then took a swig. Wade just looked down at his forlornly.

"I don't know how to open this," he said to himself quietly. Logan took it from him and went through the process a second time. 

"Then why did you get them?"

"I don't know. I just saw them, was super surprised they had them at a travel stop, then my hand was already reaching for them. I think…I think you like them?" 

"Yeah, they're not bad," Logan said, handing the drink back. Wade took a sip, and his face said he wasn't sure how he felt. "Anyway, here. Phone. I want you to look at a specific date." 

"Absolutely," but the first place Wade went digging was the photo gallery. "Oh I have a whole folder in here marked 'Logan XXX.'"

"Okay, but did I pose for those? Or are they candid? Because I get the feeling-"

"Do you have any sexy pictures of me?" Wade shifted the focus with a snap.

"I didn't look." 

"Can you?" Wade looked across at him, batting his lashless lids. 

"I-okay...sure." He didn't expect there to actually be any. If the conversation from earlier was anything to go by, that little detail wasn't going to make Wade feel good about himself. Delaying it was going to make it worse, though. 

He flicked through the gallery. It wasn't organized, but there wasn't much there to keep track of. Landscapes. Pretty sunsets and cloud formations. A few series of Puppins sleeping in weird positions. His maybe-daughter at various distances. When the first picture of Wade appeared, he gave a little chin nudge into Logan's shoulder. 

It was a video. Wade playing with the dog in the yard, running barefoot through the grass in green and brown camo patterned shorts and a bright pink t-shirt with Dolly Parton on it. His smile was wide, shooting back and forth in the grass before he tossed a tennis ball. The camera followed Puppins chasing the ball. Wade chattered something in the background of the video that the camera didn't pick up, then it ended. 

"Okay, super boring and domestic. Give me something hot and spicy." Wade reached over to scroll through the gallery quicker. "Oh this one's…oh…maybe not."

Wade in a plain colored t-shirt and sweats, feet up on a coffee table, mid-talking to whoever was behind the camera. It was the exact t-shirt Logan was wearing at that very moment. A picture of Wade in his clothes? 

Wade was already moving through the gallery, again, stopping when he saw his face every ten pictures or so.

Wade holding the dog. Wade making stupid faces with his maybe-daughter. Wade and another young Japanese woman making stupid faces at Warhead. Wade with reading glasses focusing extremely hard on a Sudoku book. A video of Wade in his red suit, finessing his swords in a quick circle and giggling. A follow-up video of Wade showing this trick to some preteen boys. A second-follow up video of him showing those same kids how to run some kind of parkour drill in a large room. 

"None of these are sexy," Wade declared. 

"I think we just have vastly different versions of sexy," Logan assured, the warmth that rose in his chest spreading out into his stomach. 

"Whatever." Wade scrunched his nose then went back to his phone. "What date did you want me to look at?" Logan brought his phone over. 

"Here, two weeks ago. Looks like you made a calendar entry." 

Wade hummed and opened his calendar. It was a mess. Reminders and notes and alarms for everything short of breathing. The date in question only had one block on it. 

"It says one year anniversary." Wade waved his phone at Logan gently, then his face changed as he realized what he said. "One year. I can't decide if that's a good amount of time or none at all. Even if I can't remember shit, I feel like I've known you forever." 

Logan pressed through his own thoughts. Wade felt new in his brain. Big but new. Life changing but recent. Maybe that was why they had built a life together so quickly. 

"So, weird question," Logan said, "but I'm wondering if something happened at that dinner. Did we go?" 

"Oh! That should be easy. I'll look at pictures from the date. Since I actually take some." He waggled his eyebrows. "Looks like I might have put it in a folder, even. Look at me. All organized and shit." 

The pictures Wade presented started pretty normal. Them getting ready in their shared bedroom. A few selfies of them in nice clothes. Nothing fancy. Logan was in a sports coat and dark jeans with a cowboy hat. Wade looked smart in khakis, a maroon button up, and cream cardigan, but he didn't look totally comfortable in the outfit. The next few shots were in front of an Italian restaurant of some sort. Only confirmed because Wade took artsy photos of his pasta. But then something had gone wrong. Another selfie on the street on the way somewhere else showed paired looks of concern. 

The next photo was a couple hours later.

A quick shot of Wade with a thumbs up in front of a pile of bodies with Logan in the background, claws out, digging into one last person. Both their outfits were torn and bloody, the splatters implying it wasn't their own. These unknown adversaries were armed to the teeth and dressed in black, so he could only assume they deserved whatever came to them. 

The next picture was Logan throwing back a beer in their house, still a little torn and bloody, an air of broodiness hovering over him. They must have resolved things quickly, because the next photos were very obviously from Wade riding on top of him. Yet somehow not as explicit as they could have been.

"Oh, I am an artist, " Wade decided. 

"So clearly something happened that night," Logan said. "But I think whatever it was started whatever…this…is." He gestured between them. "Scott said we'd been acting weird since some big event. An anniversary seems like the kind of thing that might set off a chain of weirdness."

"Especially if something went really wrong," Wade finished. "Yeah, I hear you, peanut." He looked up and glanced around. "We should stay here in Phoenix tonight." 

"Kinda wanted to drive through."

"To get to Vegas where we got ourselves in trouble the first time. And I know we're both tired. And there's literally a Super 8, like, right over there somewhere according to the cashier." He pointed down the road. 

The problem was Logan couldn't actually disagree with him. He was, indeed, exhausted. And driving this tired was probably dangerous. 

"Alright. Fuck. We'll find somewhere to stay. But not a fuckin' Super 8. I found a black card in my wallet, and I intend to use it if I'm going to have to suffer."

"Yay!"

#####

"There's still time to switch to two queens instead of a king. They probably wouldn't ask any questions."

"What?" Wade asked, then the rest of his brain processed the question as he gazed around the room. "No. No no no no. This is fine." He dropped his bag at the end of the bed. 

"I'm sorry for not confirming with you," Logan said. "Hotel clerk asked what kind of room, and I went into auto-pilot. We must get hotel rooms a lot."

Probably not like this one. Doesn't feel familiar.

The best they could find within spitting distance was a Marriott, but after a night on a cave floor it might as well be a ten-star accommodation. He did another once over of the room, searching under the tables and chairs for…something…It was like a tick. An impulse to check the room for possible security failures. He turned and panicked. Logan was taking off his shirt. 

fuck fuck fuck

Wait….why are you freaking out? You saw him shirtless just a few hours ago.

Calm the fuck down. 

"I assume you'll want a shower. Mind if I go first?" 

"No, go ahead." 

"Okay." Logan paused with his thumbs in the waistband of his jeans. "Are you okay?"

"What do you mean?" Wade tried to lean nonchalantly on the table then jumped back when it tipped underneath him. 

"You're always a little bit distracted, but you seem on edge. Did you remember something?"

"Ah…no…um…I think we hid our cellphones. That maybe we're the ones who put them in that secret compartment." It had started needling at him immediately. Why hide their phones? Why tuck them away like that?

"Who were we hiding them from?"

"Ourselves?"

"Huh…" Logan paced a few steps as he ruminated on the idea. "So we leave our wallets in our bags, phones in the car, then fuck off into the desert?"

"It's a theory," Wade said. 

I don't have any better ones, at the moment.

"Does that make sense?" Logan sat on the bed to think. "Not that I think you're wrong; I'm just trying to find the logic."

"I kind of ruled out being kidnapped pretty early what with the whole…personal armory…thing. Don't think a kidnapper would have left us behind with that."

"Nope, probably not…wait…" He paused to roll a thought over. "We also erased our own memories."

"Shit, you're right, " Wade said. "That's what Glasses said. We 'found the memory wipe guy.' We were looking for this." 

"Why the absolute fuck would we do this to ourselves?" Logan stood from the bed again, crossing his arms over his chest. "It had to be for a reason. A really good one." His pacing got a little faster. 

He's sexy when he's thinking.  

He's sexy when he's breathing, though, so whatever.

Wade watched Logan's form, tracking his every muscle movement. That welling feeling of wanting to bite and gnaw on him kept rising up in his chest and setting his throat on fire. It was so fucking distracting, but it was also raw . Pure in its utter debauchery. He had to believe it was a real thing. 

"You did this." Logan's voice slammed hard against him. 

"Excuse me?" 

"I can tell I've had my memory wiped before. I can feel it. Stacked amnesia. I wouldn't have volunteered to do this again. It must have been your idea." 

Wade moved forward across the room, stood a foot from Logan, chest out and shoulders wide. Trying to be mad but only finding hurt.

"Or maybe since you've been through amnesia before, you thought it was worth it for whatever this…project…is. Or maybe it was my idea, but there's no way I forced you to do it. So you agreed."

"Maybe you strong-armed me. Blackmailed me. Withheld something until I said yes. Like sex." 

What the fuck , dude?

"Do any of those pictures look like a man who would withhold sex? Especially from you ? What the fuck is your problem? You know what no…" 

fuckin' 

Even if it was my idea so what? So fucking what. We're in this together now.

"I'm going to go search the SUV for any more clues," Wade declared. "And you're going to sit and think about what you just said to me.

Fucking ass.

He started toward the door. 

"Fucking ass," he gave as a parting shot. 

The problem was that he couldn't necessarily say that Logan was wrong. Erasing their memories was probably his idea. In their one day together, he could figure out that much. He didn't know if he was a genius or an idiot or that beautiful combination of the two, but he was clearly the schemer. 

Logan was absolutely not the type to be strong-armed into anything he didn't want to do, though. Either he had comfortably agreed with the plan, or Wade had been sufficiently persuasive. So for him to be this accusatory was downright insulting.

And that's something I'm allowed to be mad about, damn it. 

He crawled into the back of the SUV, and started aimlessly throwing panels back, folding and unfolding the seats, looking for any evidence of a hidden pocket. He did uncover a few, but there was little of any importance inside. Two more backpacks of clothes. Another small duffle with extra ammo for a gun he hadn't found in his armory bag. The shotgun that went with the ammo he just found.

The organization of this is all over the place. 

Why do I kind of understand it, though?

I'm absolutely the one who packed this SUV and filled all its hideyholes. 

After an hour of fruitless labor, he dropped breathlessly into the passenger seat, door still open. He unlatched the glovebox. Just the user manual. He closed it again. The latch didn't take and it popped back open again. 

Fuck you.

He tried to close it again, but the manual got in the way this time. 

FUCK YOU. 

He pulled out the book and reared back with the intention of throwing it as hard as possible. Then a piece of paper fell out. Lined notebook paper, folded in half with writing on the outside. "WOLVERINE, READ ME. FROM YOU (WOLVERINE)" 

oh hoh hoh hoh 

I'm absolutely reading this bitch.

Dropping the manual into the driver's seat, he unfolded it carefully, laying it across his lap. Under the dome light, the indents of the blue pen filled the paper with beveled shadows, the other side of the page textured under his fingers. 

Logan, Wade won't look in the glove box, but I know at some point you'll get bored and check the manual for features. You agreed to have your memory erased, but you told him you'd be leaving behind a note. You just didn't tell him where in case he hid it again.

Oh fuck. 

He was super adamant about neither of us knowing anything for this project. You'll understand why, eventually.  Right now, you're freaked out. I know. We've been through this amnesia thing before. It's real shit every time. Don't worry this time IT WILL COME BACK when the serum wears off.

Here Logan had underlined a few times, almost bleeding into the next line. 

I put in some backups for when this goes to shit. The tracker on the SUV will start pinging again, at some point, so the X-Men will find you eventually. So look for a guy with a visor, a giant metal dude, or an attractive black woman with white hair. You can trust them.  YOU CAN TRUST WADE. I can't tell you more, but you would kill and die for this man. More importantly, he would do the same for you. Just get back to Las Vegas and don't freak out.  -Logan   PS. Wade, if you do happen to find this, shut the fuck up.

But then he'd put a little smiley face at the end of the line. Wade let the note sit in his lap for a minute. Had he left a letter like this for himself? He was certain he would have found it, by now. Had Logan found this note already? Was he using that to form his own opinions? Wade had to know. 

Wade practically scrambled through the main door and up the elevator. He almost dropped the keycard but hustled the door open. 

"Logie, I have found the juciest clue!"

……

Logan?

"Kitty cat?" Wade peered around the room, testing the bathroom door. Logan was gone. 

#####

Logan's hands were firmly in his pockets, held tight around a thumb drive. It hadn't been too late for an Uber when he left the hotel, but, depending on how long this took, he might not have the same luck getting all the way across town. He also had the car drop him off about two blocks away from the internet cafe. It wasn't a specific thought that led to that decision. More like something that lived deeper. That had been ingrained in him over a long period of time until it was second nature.

Escaping into the night without telling anyone also felt natural. He hadn't questioned the decision even once. 

He had found the thumb drive in the interior of one of Wade's bags. It had taken seconds, and was mostly an accident. When Wade stormed out, Logan got mad. Mad without a specific focus. Just…mad and sad and annoyed. He picked up all the bags and moved them against the wall, pushing some of his frustration into tossing them against the wall. It was pure accident that one of the bags of clothes made a jingling sound when it banged against the chair leg. One run of his hand along the inside of the bag, and he found the bulge. A quick swipe of his claw along the inner lining, and the pony keychain with the thumb drive attached revealed itself. 

If he had to make a guess, Wade had left some kind of trail of clues. Breadcrumbs. The drive would hold some kind of viable information to bring this all together. He wanted to see it himself, first, though, on his own. Wanted to see what Wade thought was important and convinced himself it was how to make up for saying something so awful.

 The hotel didn't have a business center. A quick Google showed him that "LAN Cafes" were a thing, though, and there was a 24/7 one in Tempe. Logan paid for one of the open computer stations and fumbled through the technology enough to access the drive. 

He found a folder labeled "Our Life-DONT LOOK UNLESS FUCKED" and a solo text document. He clicked on that one first. 

Hey Toad-face-

Ah, this was a note from Wade to Wade. The self-deprecation was immediate and strong. The computer had clearly corrected Wade's writing but hadn't caught everything. 

You have super cancer. You can heal pretty much anything. You can theoretically not die but I haven't fully tested it and NOW IS NOT THE TIME. That's all done The super hot fucker your with is super important and he wont let you die for to long. Promise. Right now you have a bet going so I'm not going to spoil anything. But honey badger said that he would only do this thing if I set a contingency or two. This is that. I used the computer in the business suite at our hotel to make this. Only look at it if something goes to shit and your memory is super fucked.    -XOXO Wade (=˃ᆺ˂=)  

Logan closed out of the document, then drifted the cursor over to the folder. He tapped his finger on the mouse, deciding whether he would open it. 

"Fuck it." 

The folder was full of pictures, and he found himself just skimming, scrubbing through the folder window. He had seen the photos on the phone already. Seen himself through Wade's eyes via camera. He slowed down when he saw another text document. It was full of wall to wall text, no paragraphs. It was hard to read, but he muddled through the rambling, wandering language. 

Wade hadn't fully considered that the man who would be reading this wouldn't have all his memories, so there were jumps in context. Gaps in the lore. They had been through something big together, though. Wade kept referencing The Void. Kept talking about when they "exploded." Referenced multiple universes. Sometimes he slipped into a time clearly before Logan was around. About a woman named Vanessa he seemed to love desperately at one point. Time travel. Despite his insistence in the other document, he might have actually died at one point. At the end was a list of instructions on the best way to reattach a severed limb.

"Buried the info a bit, but we figured it out." He went back to the pictures, and scrolled down to the end. Some of these were newer, taken in Vegas. The images flashed through the preview pane quickly. 

He stopped on the last one. It was a selfie of them in sports coats and jeans standing in the middle of a balloon arc, holding a piece of paper. An official looking document with their names on it, sanctioned by the State of Nevada.

A marriage license. 

Wade found him in the bar. Drinking seemed the best option after what he found, and he wasn't ready to go back to the hotel, yet. He needed to process all his emotions in an environment that felt familiar. He didn't actually know what he liked, though, so he was up to drink number three, landing on a Blue Moon, for now. 

He had no idea how long it would take him to get drunk or if he even could, but he was willing to start the relearning process. 

"Hey," Wade said quietly, sidling up to him at the counter. He set a tablet down in front of them. It was blinking with dots. 

"Is that…tracking us?" Logan scrubbed around on the screen, getting a feel for the environment around them. 

"Yeah, I found it in the SUV. Not sure where the receivers are hidden, though. Maybe shoes?" Wade zoomed out, and another dot appeared way to south of them. "And I think that's another one. Maybe one we left behind somewhere?"

Logan dragged the tablet over and started looking at the streets and nearby landmarks. 

"The AA token that was in my wallet. It was a tracking chip. I threw it in the dirt. Not ruining my sobriety after all." He took a swig in celebration.

"Weird choice," Wade decided. 

"Maybe we couldn't find something better at the last minute and wanted to make sure we could find our wallets. Whatever it is we're doing, I'm not totally sure we thought all the details out. Feels like we kind of half-assed it."

"So you don't think this was my idea, anymore?" Wade tested.

"Nope. Still do." Out of the corner of his eye, Wade's head dipped in melancholy. Logan pulled him in around the waist. "But I'm very sorry for the way I said it. It was unnecessarily mean. I was just…being an asshole. I realized that you were right, and I must have agreed to do it. And if I agreed to do it, it must have been for a good reason." He tucked his face into the halo of Wade's hoodie and spared him a kiss on the cheek. 

They were good and goddamn married after all, right? Right…? 

"This ain't one of the gay bars, boys." The voice crackled from somewhere behind them. 

"Mike, shut the fuck up." A woman's voice hissed at the first as they turned around.

Mike was a decent looking guy in his late twenties. Probably went to the gym a couple times a week. Little bit of stubble. Douchebag haircut. T-shirt from something local and jeans. He had matching wedding rings with the woman next to him who was clutching to his arm in concern. The woman across from him was the one yelling at him. She was paired with a smaller man who looked like he wanted to melt into the floor. 

"Just talking to my husband, bub," Logan said, then started turning back. 

"Husband?" Wade whispered. Logan gave a little headshake that he would explain later. 

"Okay, well maybe you'd be more comfortable doing that somewhere else." Mike was relentless, it would seem. 

"Oh my god, in the year of our Lord Patti Lupone: 2025 is this actual real life homophobia?" Wade cracked his knuckles.

"Wade, calm down. This isn't a barfight kind of establishment." He squeezed Wade's hand for half a moment, working from bone-deep muscle memory. 

"A barfight?" Mike stood up, tottering off his stool. "You fairies want to make this a barfight?"

"MIKE WHAT THE FUCK?" The woman tried to drop down around the table and get to him. Her partner sort of flailed in uncertainty. 

"Mike, honey," his wife tried to reach out to him, but he shook her off.

"Nah, if these fucking fags wanna go, let's go--" 

Wade threw the first and only punch, getting in half a second before Logan could. Mike went down hard, his body making a series of thumps as he hit the floor. He wasn't out, but sitting on the sticky concrete, dazed. Wade was already leaning back against the countertop.

"Honey, your claws." He tapped the blades that had zipped out from Logan's hands. 

"Right." He pulled them back in. He turned to the bartender, a young woman who currently had her hand hovering over a hidden button that would call the police. "Close my tab. We're leaving." He grabbed Wade around the wrist, pulling him out of the room. 

"Give me the keys," Logan barked and Wade obliged. The way he had parked the SUV, the passenger side faced away from the bar and toward a wall. 

He followed Wade around to that side and pressed their bodies together against the car. Logan slammed his lips against Wade's, searching his mouth with his tongue, unsure what he was looking for. His hands crawled around Wade's back and he found his rough skin under his shirt.

The fire he hadn't realized had been building in his chest started to die out into embers. He had just needed to touch Wade. To feel him. To be anchored to the one familiar thing left. He pulled away. 

"Oh that's mean. Don't do that. Come back." Wade clutched at him, trying to pull him back. Logan moved in a little closer as a compromise. 

"Your skin looks the way it does because of 'super cancer,' apparently." Logan said. 

"Who told you this?"

"You did." Logan had printed the shorter text file from the thumb drive and pulled it out of his back pocket. Wade scanned over it. 

"Fuck. Okay. You did the same." Wade pulled a piece of paper from one of his side cargo pockets. Logan immediately recognized his own chicken-stratch writing. "Looks like we made a bet of some sort. Wonder what the wager was?"

"Found something else with the note." Logan looked away, thinking for a moment, deciding if this was the time and place. "It's a picture of us at a chapel with a marriage license. I think we might be married."

Wade's body froze underneath him. 

"No…no no no." 

"Do you not want to be married to me?" Logan asked, trying to push the strange edge of hurt out of his voice. 

"No, I do. I do? I do. That just…scared me. I think…hm…I wasn't ready to hear it…I…I don't know. Just this feeling…" He paused. Then he leaned forward and pecked Logan quickly on the lips, fingers touching Logan's jaw. "Let's go back to the hotel and sleep." He opened the door and climbed inside stiffly. On the other side of the door, Logan stared vaguely through the window, then moved around to the driver's side.

#####

Wade woke up pre-dawn with Logan wrapped around him, face pressed into his back. That wasn't how they went to sleep. 

Married married married married. 

  The idea rumbled in the back of his head. It didn't feel right. Everything else had felt right. This didn't. 

"If you're finally awake, let's get going," Logan murmured into his shoulder. 

"How long have you been up?" Wade asked. 

"A while."

"And you just…laid there? Like this?" Wade patted Logan's arm then turned underneath it to face him. 

"Yeah. It…felt nice." Logan squeezed him around the waist a little. 

"It feels like things are starting to come back. Little stuff. Mostly emotions."

"Yeah. I had a dream about a mini-van, then woke up with a hard-on. I don't know what that means, but it feels like a memory."

"That's a fuck of a memory."

I kinda like it. That's…that's sexy. 

I want to fuck this man SO HARD. 

Why am I so freaked out about marriage if this is how I feel? 

married married married. 

Logan squeezed his ass.

"Let's get going." 

"You're being a lot more affectionate with me, now." Wade kept watching Logan as he, himself, crawled out of bed. 

"Am I? I'm not really thinking about it. Maybe it's those memories coming back?"

"Is it because you think we're married?" Wade asked, keeping a little bit of distance. 

"You don't think we actually are?" 

"Did you see signatures on the license? And we have to file it, right?" 

An out. That's what I need. An out. A place to wiggle through this weird feeling.

"That is a good point that I didn't consider." Logan paused as he pulled his shirt over his head. "Is this something you're ready to talk about, yet?" 

no no no no no.

"No?" Wade tested. Logan nodded then continued pulling his shirt down. 

Why is this starting to feel so…normal? Why is that so scary?

Wade leaned his head against the window watching huge swatches of desert and scrubland pass.

bored bored bored bored

Every time he tried to reach into his brain for something to think about, he felt like he was working through sludge. He flicked on the radio. Country. Gospel. A few preachers screaming about whatever passed for God these days. 

"Oooh, classic rock." Wade let his hands drift back into his lap. Logan turned the volume down slightly. 

"I think the age on my license is a fib." He tapped the panel of the radio. "Because I remember seeing Led Zeppelin live. They played this. But I'm one-hundred percent an adult in my memory. Passing a joint with someone…" Logan stared out through the window, eyes narrowing. "1972. Who would I have been hanging out with in 1972?"

"I'm imagining the world's worst blunt rotation, right now, not gonna lie."

Man, he's old. OLD old. I felt like I knew that because I'm not freaked out by being a graverobber. 

Maybe I'm a gerontophile.

I know the word gerontophile, apparently. Don't think I could spell it, though.

G-e-r….a?

That's not right. 

A small chapel slunk by them in the distance. 

The memory this triggered slushed through his brain like a waterfall over boulders. Sharp and tumultuous and never ending. 

"We fought over getting married. Or being married. Not to each other, just in general. I was engaged at some point, and it went tits up. You apparently can't keep a relationship together at all without someone dying or becoming a super-villain."

"That hurts. Feels like the truth, though, so I guess I can't be mad."

"Right right right. So we decided that maybe we just weren't the marrying type, right now, but we…" Wade fell off. The memory broke here. The pieces of information fell away too far, just the emotions remaining. "Something happened there. We…resolved the marriage idea…but that led to a fight. Or a…a discussion? Raised voices. I think we were drunk."

"Can we get drunk?"

"Maybe high? Oh god, I don't know want to know what kind of drug actually gets us fucked up. Okay let me think."

"....after what we've been through."

"You really don't think it would have happened without…"

"I mean, infinite universes and whatever but…"

"...that spark, though…"

"...Not denying that. Just practical…catalyst…growing through…"

"You make it sound like trauma bonding."

"Maybe it was, at first, but that's fine, right? At this point?"

"Yeah but…"

The voices layered on top of each other. He couldn't tell who was who. He pressed his hands to his ears, trying to hear the voices again, but they slipped away. 

"We got caught in some kind of gang war on our anniversary," Logan said suddenly. "And we had a conversation about what we thought our lives would look like if we weren't fighting all the time. We thought we'd be bored.  And we were…talking to Storm about it while doing drills in the danger room. And she called us emotional masochists, and I said something back and oh…that…didn't go well. I remember that…I don't…remember the rest."

Then it got weird. I remember. Holy shit. 

All the questions we had no idea how to answer. 

If we weren't superheros, would we have anything in common? 

Did we only work so well together because we could both regenerate? 

We were going to live for so so so so so long? What did the rest of our lives look like?

Wade pressed his palms to his ears again, trying to pull up the conversation in his head. Trying to relive it. It was gone, though. All of it. The echo of the information remained, but the memory itself just slipped back into the ether. 

"We need to get to Vegas. This started there." Wade tapped his knuckles on the window. "This isn't fun anymore. 

#####

Vegas lost a lot of its shine pulling into the main drag in the middle of the afternoon. 

"Any of this looking familiar, babe?" Logan asked. The term of endearment sort of slipped out. Muscle memory. 

"There." Wade pointed through the window. "We were in that casino."

"Good enough for me."

Weekday at 2 pm was apparently optimal parking, and they were walking into the front of the casino within ten minutes. 

"Oh fuck, not you again." A security guard was the first to approach them, hand hovering near his gun. 

"No one likes to see us," Wade mused. 

"Considering everything we've remembered, so far, I'm less and less surprised." Logan held up his hands to the guard who still hadn't decided if he was going to shoot, yet. 

"We're just trying to find somebody," Logan said. "Someone we talked to while we were here last." 

"You know how many people come in and out of here?" The guard said. 

"But you remember us," Wade pointed out. 

"Fair," admitted the guard.

"You guys were talking to Dr. Tom." This voice was a young woman in a waitstaff uniform with an empty drink tray tucked under her arm. 

"And where do we find Dr. Tom?" Logan sighed. They were so close to the end of this. This stupid stupid wild goose chase. 

Dr. Tom, apparently, was a plastic surgeon, and worked out of an office not too far off the strip. A little light threat to his secretary got them back in Dr. Tom's office. 

"You can calm the fuck down," Dr. Tom said, gesturing to the chairs in front of his desk. None of them sat, and he gave up trying. "All I did was overhear you two talking about how it would be nice if you could forget for a while. I happened to point you to a friend of mine who happens to offer that service. People like to leave things in Vegas, sometimes."

"So you'll point us to this friend." Logan stepped forward. 

"Fucking yes. Just ask politely I'm not a super-villain, you weirdos. Jesus." Dr. Tom stepped back toward the wall. "But if you're going to go in there snapping out claws, I'm less-inclined to hand over the address. She's a good woman. She's trying to cure Alzheimer's and shit. That's how she figured out her compound. She uses the money she makes for research."

"Oh I hate when the antagonist is actually a good guy," Wade complained. 

"Okay," Logan agreed. "We just want to talk to her." 

This time they had to wait a few hours for her to get off work. They pulled up to a neatly aligned house out in the suburbs and the woman who greeted them, Dr. Charlotte Stone,  invited them freely into her garage. 

"Gentlemen! I'm so happy to see you again. Is it going well?"

"No," Wade said. 

"Surviving," Logan added. 

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that." Charlotte rerolled her hair into a bun and lowered the garage door behind them. "Did you put together letters and leave them in easy to find places?

They hovered weirdly in the center of her garage. Two walls were lab equipment, the third refrigerated storage. A computer station was tucked into the corner nearest the door into the house. 

"We did," Logan confirmed. "But I think we did it wrong. We didn't put in our notes why we did this memory…thing."

"You were trying to settle a bet, I believe, but let me see my notes." She pulled a binder down from a set of half cabinets. "Here we go. Let me pull up your video."

"Wait what? Video?" Wade moved forward, trying to peek over the top of the binder. She handed it over easily. "A lot of shorthand, so I don't know if you can read it."

Wade dropped the binder on the counter. 

"I can barely read, to start. I don't know why I bothered." 

Charlotte had moved to the computer, though, shifting focus. 

"Here you boys, go." She stepped back from the screen, and rotated it to them to see better. 

The video versions of themselves sat in their colored combat suits, bickering over who was going to explain. 

"It was my idea, I'll do it," said Video Wade. 

"Feels weird getting that confirmed," said real life Wade.

"I am convinced that we are soulmates. So in any universe, we would eventually meet and fall in love." Video Wade said.

"No you actually don't," video Logan corrected. "You're just trying to be contrarian." Video Logan turned flush to the camera again. "We've been having this much bigger conversation the past couple of months about the future of our relationship, which we'll --you'll remember again at some point. And I happened to say that I don't think that our relationship would look like it currently does without having gone through the things we went through. I didn't even say we wouldn't be together. Just…it'd be different."

"But you said it while we were in a wedding chapel," Video Wade said. "Feel like that changes the tone."

The screen versions of them bickered some more. 

"From this side of the screen, this argument looks really stupid," Wade said. 

"We look really upset, though," Logan noted. 

"You kind of were," Charlotte confirmed with a grim chuckle. "People only come to me when they think things are insurmountably dire and looking for a new perspective."

The video had started talking to them again, Wade staring down the camera. 

"We decided the only way to know for sure was to start from scratch. Wipe it all out and see what happens." Video Wade tapped the table they were sitting out with a sense of finality. There was a little more chatting, but the video seemed to have delivered all the important information.

"So how did this work?" Logan asked. "We have so many gaps."

"It's a series of liquid capsule pills depending on how much you want to get rid of and for how long. I gave you the first one to make sure you didn't have an immediate adverse reaction, then sent you off with the rest of the doses and instructions. Told you to do it in a safe place under the supervision of some friends. It's supposed to be a slow, gentle process to give you the option to stop at any time if it gets too weird. Guess you might not have…followed directions."

"Yeah, sounds like us," Wade sighed. 

"Okay. What's the plan to reverse it?" Logan shifted on his feet, nervous.

"Oh, it should wear off soon. Probably by tomorrow morning." 

"Thank God, okay. Okay." Logan clapped his hands, rubbing them together. "Then that's it. It's over. All that stress and mystery."

"Yeah." Wade shifted on his own feet. 

"Well did it work?" Charlotte asked.

"What do you mean?" Logan responded. 

"Did you figure out the thing you were looking for? This whole…soul mate thing?"

Logan rubbed his hand along the back of his neck. 

"We uh…we woke up in a shack in the middle of Arizona."

Charlotte made a face at that but let him continue.

"And uh." Logan looked for the words for half a moment. "And I'm pretty certain I, uh…I woke up already in love with him."

"Oh, I know I did," Wade agreed. 

"I told you that might happen. I can wipe experiential life stuff, but the really strong emotional triggers very frequently linger."

"Cool, so we didn't learn anything." Wade shuffled his feet on the raw garage floor. Charlotte shrugged at them. 

"I find that when the memories come back, you figure out whatever you were meant to. Even if it doesn't seem like it, at first." 

#####

"Not that I'm complaining about room service snowcrab, why are we holing up in a hotel with the strip literally right there?" Wade picked a bit of shell out of his teeth, a chip of it sneaking into the leg meat when he cracked it open. 

Logan had found a place to get cigars and was finishing one on the balcony. Evening was bringing more people through, making everything a little louder. A little busier. Logan stamped out the end of his cigar on the railing and came back inside, closing the glass door shut. Everything dropped to a dull thrum again, just the sound of 30 Day Fiance reruns playing in the background on the TV. 

"Charlotte said she couldn't explain all our actions with her pills, so the probably don't work the same for us." Logan wandered restlessly through the room, stopping in the doorway of the ensuite bathroom. "So we're staying put. At least until I can get a hold of Scott and the others."

"Where the fuck did they go? They were supposed to meet us here." 

"Fucking dragon came back or something. I don't know." Logan leaned back against the doorframe even harder. 

He looked so tired . 

Fuck he looks how I feel, so I must be a goddamn mess in comparison. 

Wade swayed up from his hotel lounger and moved across the room. He wrapped his arms around Logan's waist and pressed his face into Logan's chest. Logan returned the affection with his arms gently resting around Wade's hips. 

"Holy fuck, I didn't realize how big this bathtub was when we walked in." Wade pulled free and wandered over to it, sitting on the edge. "Fucking Jacuzzi jets. Holy shit."

Oh, I'm getting in this bitch, right now.

He immediately started moving his hands over the knobs and looking in the cabinets for something to put in the water. 

"Holy fuck they have bathbombs." 

holy fuck glitter

All the rest of his thoughts were just about getting the shrinkwrap open and getting into the water. Soaking in it. Soothing his nerve endings.

Some clothes hit the floor out of the corner of his eye, and he flicked over his shoulder. Logan had shucked off his shirt and was now working on his belt. 

uhhhhhhh?!? 

fuck fuck

Now he was thinking about other things than taking a bath. 

"What?" Logan said when he caught Wade staring. "It's big enough for two. I thought that was the point." 

"No you just went from 'don't fucking touch me' to making out against a car to cuddling to bathing together really really fast. Getting a little whiplash." 

"Sorry." Logan flicked his hands. "I don't know. Things are just starting to feel normal again, so I'm just…I don't know. If you don't-" 

"Oh no. Now that you've started, you better take those fucking pants off." The crown-shaped bath bomb burst in swirls of pink glitter and shimmer. Wade dropped his eyes as Logan got in the water, something too overwhelming about seeing him naked all at once right now. 

His dick has been in my mouth. 

My dick has been in his mouth. 

We've been inside each other in so many different ways. 

calm the fuck down 

His body made the motions  on auto-pilot, stripping off his clothes and sliding into the water. Then through the water to sidle into the space between Logan's thighs. The instant their naked bodies pressed against each other, a year of touch memory flooded his body. 

hands touching, knuckles brushing

blades in my body, me begging for it

pressing inside me, thrusting hard, over and over

his soft, pulsing insides

teeth on flesh and flesh on teeth

"Fuck," Wade whispered, parting his knees around Logan's hips, wrapping his arms around Logan's shoulders so he didn't slide back into the water. 

I'm so hard. Oh god. I've never been this hard in my life.

Wade didn't even ask before slipping his hand down between them and taking both their cocks in his hand. Logan wasn't quite so hard to start, but that changed immediately.

"Wade," Logan cooed into his ear. "This wasn't necessarily the idea when I got in here."

"You don't get to be sexually sanctimonious on me. I can remember some things now. I talk a big game, but you're actually ten times hornier than me." He grabbed Logan's chin in his hand. "And we get the chance to have a first time again. How cool is that?" 

Logan rolled his face into Wade's neck. 

"I'm not saying 'no', I'm saying lean back."

Logan hinged forward, moving Wade into position below him, straddling Wade's lap. His mouth covered his, nipping and gnawing at Wade's lips, tongue flicking over Wade's gums and teeth. 

inside me

inside him

hard against hard, soft against soft, hard against soft

Logan lifted a little, hinging off the bottom of the tub at his knees. His hand came around Wade's cock and he pressed the tip to his entrance. 

"Oh baby girl don't go in raw," Wade gasped. 

"I'll trust the healing factor," Logan growled back, then eased down slowly on Wade's length until he settled at the base. "Okay, that actually hurts a lot more than I expected, you're right." He pressed his forehead to Wade's. "Ah. Okay. Okay. Fuck." He rolled his hips in a small circle, running up and down a half pulse on Wade's cock. "That's better. Okay. Yeah. Ah. That's good."

Logan kissed him again, this time quick and chaste, of all fucking things. 

"How does it feel, Wade?" Logan hissed. "Do I feel good inside?"

"Oh, I think I might die and eject everything from my body if you talk like that again." Wade clenched around Logan's hips and waist, nails digging into his skin and the muscle and fat and tissue underneath. Then Logan properly started moving, shifting up and down on his strong thighs and calves. 

I'm gonna get my memories back just to die from a cardiac arrest. 

"Why did you change your mind? About…about doing this while our memories are shot? About…everything…" Wade had to concentrate on the words, but he needed to say them. He needed to hear it out loud.

Logan whined and panted as he spoke, throat tight over the words, voice sparking at the top every time he dropped down. 

"You said you would fold to a one night stand with me, no question. I imagined the same thing. Meeting you in a bar. You sitting down…hah…next to me. Buying me another round of whatever I was having. You'd probably annoy the shit out of me, at first, but the fact is after a little while I'd probably start thinking you're kind of funny. Kind of…nhg…kind of cute. And if you flirted with me and asked me to go home with you, I would have probably done it. We would have fucked, and it would have been hot. So why hold back, at this point?" 

"So you agree we're soul mates? "

"I agree that we're two horny idiots who can do this to each other without getting hurt." Along the top of the water, he clicked out his blades, jabbed them into Wade's ribs, then pulled back. Wade squealed.

fuck shit fuck fuck. 

It is so fucked up how good that feels.

"So given certain variables, I see us drifting together for some real kinky sex, at minimum. I don't know how the other stuff works, just yet." He gripped Wade around the chin and pulled his face up to kiss him again. "Any other concerns? Because I'd like to keep going without having to think so hard."

"No, I'm…I'm good…" 

Wade's hips started bucking up into Logan, trying to sink even deeper into him as Logan came down. The water sloshed out of the tub, swirling around their conjoined bodies and swishing into the in between spaces in a constant rhythm. He grasped for Logan's cock and started hurried, desperate strokes. 

"Slow down, baby. I wanna come together." Logan buried his face into the side of Wade's head. 

This feels…feels….feels…

…different…

soft and hard, hard and soft

They didn't normally do it like this. He could feel the shape of that. That weird combination of familiarity and novelty. His muscle memory wasn't kicking in, so he was falling back on intuition and guesswork and being an adult with, presumably, at least an ounce of sexual experience. 

He spread his free around the outside of Logan's ass, willing him to sink lower, to bury Wade deeper inside. Logan sensed the desire and somehow got his body to drop even farther, to open even more for Wade. 

The orgasm almost snuck up on him, the heat and weight of the water distracting all his other never endings. He started stroking Logan again, taking to a speed he somehow knew would bring him there. Logan arched forward, hands gripping the edge of the tub on either side of Wade's head. His hips moved from a pulse to a grind. Wade moved faster. 

Wade came hard inside, pulling from the tops of his aching feet and toes and clenching his teeth.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Logan let out a guttural howl. Then there was a sharp metal sound that clanked against porcelain. The sidewall of the tub collapsed against Wade's shoulders. 

"Fuck." The plug was to his left, and he slammed the switch open to drain the tub. He sat up, still inside, bringing Logan along with a hand around his back. Logan's claws were still out. Wade touched them. 

"Peanut. The claws."

"Right, yeah." Logan, however, was staring at the backside of the tub. "I didn't totally break it. It's still containing the water." Logan dropped his arms around Wade's shoulders. "That was fast on the draw for the plug."

"I have a sneaking suspicion this has happened before." 

"Hm." Logan trailed his fingers up and down Wade's spine. "Wanna go again?"

"Five minutes. Then I'm bottom this time. So get ready for me to be as bratty as possible."

#####

"Loooooooooogan." It was mid-morning. His boyfriend's voice was in his ear. His boyfriend's teeth were nipping at his skin. His boyfriend's hand was on his chest, now it was sliding down his stomach. 

"I'm spent, babe," Logan said. 

"I know, honey-suckle just trying to get your attention." Wade rolled on top of him, hooking his leg over Logan's hip. "We're not married. The license you found was, like…a gag gift. A souvenir. We never actually had them send it to the registrar..

"Yeah, I remembered while your mouth was around my dick." 

Wade gently tossed his phone across to the other side of the bed.

"I found the text thread where I was pranking Laura with it." 

"I don't think you ever showed me what she said.

"She said she was going to call me 'step-daddy' in a way that made everyone around us as uncomfortable as possible." Wade rubbed his forehead against his chest. 

"That's my girl," Logan chuckled. "Haven't remembered why we were in Arizona, yet, though."

"Yeah. See. So I actually remember that pretty well, now. Um. I had the idea that we should be completely and totally away from anyone and anything we knew when we finished the memory wipe. I knew about a safehouse outside Ajo from my pre-cancer merc days. We just didn't make it, I think. Saying it back, though, I'm not following my own logic."

"Yeah, I have a memory of watching you snort a line of cocaine, but me not stopping you. So I think something about that first pill she gave us really fucked us up."

"Yeah, I'm remembering mostly everything, but there's about three days where the timeline just isn't…it just isn't, you know what I mean?" 

"I think we're going to have to accept that some stuff isn't going to come back." 

"I'm fine with that. All the important stuff did." Wade rested his face into the crook of Logan's neck. "So…how are we feeling? Now that we know why we did this?"

"I feel like we're idiots," Logan replied. 

"Yeah…I actually do feel…extremely dumb holy shit Charlotte was right. I'm having such extreme clarity about everything. It's like going on an ayahuasca trip but worse, somehow."

Logan rolled over and pressed Wade into the mattress. He propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at him. Wade stared up through his eyelashes up at him. Logan wrapped his hand around Wade's side. 

"I think it's going to be a very long time before we retire from being badasses and have to worry about not having anything in common. So we can wait to worry about that then."

"Oh, you're assuming we'll still be together when we're old and decrepit ugly."

"I intend to be handsome 'til I die, so whatever you want to do is up to you." Logan pressed his lips to Wade's forehead. "But I know for a fact I'm having too much fun to voluntarily stop this any time soon. So unless you die on me…"

Wade lifted up and pecked him on the lips. 

"Which we both know is extremely difficult. So, yeah, no. You're going to be stuck with me forever. Sucks to be you."

"Sucks to be me." Logan dropped down to lie on top of Wade, tucking his arms underneath him. Wade's arm came up around his back and he scratched his nails across Logan's skin.

"You know, we could leave Las Vegas properly married. Just make the appointment."

"Nah," Logan replied. "When we get married I want to do it properly. I want to remember everything."

"Hm." Wade replied, humming low and deep. 

#####

When we get married. Not if. When. 

when when when when when when

When.   

[macgyvermedical]

What type of diet and/or exercise regimen would you recommend for a trans dude working to build a more muscular and masculine figure?

Different things work for different people, but personally I used Nerd Fitness, which was different 10 years ago when I started it, and personally I like the original NF better than the current one.

So here's a brief overview:

Bodyweight circuits for exercise. Do these about 3x per week. Look up videos on youtube for anything you don't know how to do:

Warm up by doing some active stretching that works every body part you plan to use during your workout. This can include arm circles, monster kicks, front bends, cat/cows, butt kicks, anything that stretches you with movement. Try to avoid a warm up that has you doing static stretching (stretching without moving the body part in question).

Then once you feel nice and warmed up,

5 Push ups (if you can't do a push up, do knee push ups or chair push ups, or wall push ups, and work your way up to standard push ups)

10 Squats (hold onto a chair for balance if you need to)

5 Sit ups (use an exercise ball if you need to)

5 Lunges each side (hold onto a chair if you need to)

10-Second plank (if you can't do a standard plank for 10 seconds, do a knee plank)

15 Jumping jacks

Take as long as you need to do these exercises, and pause for a break/go on to the next exercise if your form starts to slip. Try to keep breaks to less than a minute. It is better to do 5 wall push ups well than 1 standard push up badly.

If you haven't exercised in a while, try doing this 1x through for three times the first week, 2x through for three times the second week, and 3x through for three times the third week, and then start increasing the number of each exercise you are able to do for subsequent weeks. For example, try 7 push ups/12 squats/7 sit ups/etc... per circuit. Adjust to your needs and always strive to do a little more each week.

Once you're done with the workout part, cool down with static stretches of any muscle you used during the workout.

For diet, I did a modified paleo diet. The following is a good shopping list for 1 week (back in 2017 this was a $5/day shopping list, but it definitely costs more now).

Protein:

Eggs- 2 dozen

Meat- 2lbs of either chicken breast, stew meat, or sausage

Tuna: 2 cans, packed in water

Vegetables:

Sale veggie- 2 pkg

Cauliflower- 1 large

Broccoli- 1 bag

Stewed tomatoes- 2 cans

3lb Onions- (every other week)

3lb Sweet potatoes

10lb Russet potatoes- (once per month)

Fruits:

Sale fruit- 2 or 3 pkg

Canister Prunes or Raisins

Frozen fruit of choice

Nuts:

Whole raw almonds- 1pkg

Other:

Dark Chocolate- 1 large bar

Tea- 100 tea bags (once in a blue moon)

Instant Coffee- 120 cups worth (once in a blue moon)

Olive or sunflower seed oil- (once per month or so)

Salt- one large canister iodized or box kosher, (literally once per lifetime)

Condiments (I excepted these from paleo rules for my own sanity) mayo, ketchup, pickles, mustard, etc…- (once in a blue moon)

Dried spices- (once in a blue moon)

Vinegar of choice- (once per month or longer, depending on how much you like vinegar)

Bouillon cubes- (once in a blue moon)

Meal Prep Tips:

Boil most of the eggs, leave a couple for if you like fried eggs occasionally or want to make banana-egg pancakes. You can easily take boiled eggs in a lunchbox or eat them with prunes or raisins for a quick breakfast.

The prunes/raisins and almonds were and still are my go-to easy breakfast.

Grate the cauliflower- steam it with salt, oil and spices as a side later or mix it with the crumbled sausage for a 1-bowl meal

Cook the sweet potatoes and regular potatoes ahead of time. There are lots of ways to do this and they are all delicious. They are also easy to pack in a lunch box.

Hard veggies like carrots, cauliflower, sweet potatoes, and broccoli are AMAZING when tossed in olive oil, salt, and spices and roasted or broiled.

Cook and pull the chicken (easiest in a pressure cooker but you can also boil the crap out of it too). Makes it super versatile. You can make like 10 different things with it and they will all feel different. No more plain chicken boob for you!

Stew with the stew meat, any veggies (including onions and potatoes) and spices will give you many easy future meals and can be made with just about anything you’ve got (throw the stewed tomatoes in this too).

Tuna salad (with oil and vinegar and spices if you’re really feeling paleo or mayo, onions and pickles if you’re me) and leftover roasted veggies make a great lunch.