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djmarinizelablog · 4 years ago

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Ultimate Bonding Experience

Summary:

Hange and Moblit follow Levi and Petra on a date. It's a disaster.

Tags:

one-shot, fluff and humor, nonbinary Hange, they/them pronouns for Hange, officemates, best friends forever, friends to lovers, jealous Hange

Notes:

This is for the Levihan Filo Week Day 4 Prompt, Tourist Destinations, featuring Greenbelt, Makati (Yes, the audacity of me.)

—

"You're going out on a date with Petra?” Hange stood up too quickly, knocking down the pen holder on their office desk in process. “As in… Petra Rall? From the Marketing Department? As in, sweet-as-candy, honey-bunny, gorgeous glam girl Petra?”

Levi swiveled his computer chair to face his best friend. "She asked me out."

"Hmm. And you didn't say no?" Hange was absentmindedly tapping the end of the pencil against their lower lip.

He gave a half-shrug. "Wanted to try something new for a change."

This was really new. Hange was incredulous. Levi never went on dates. Levi went on food trips and grocery shopping and karaoke nights (mainly due to Hange’s persistent nagging), but he never agreed to a date. There were always other people around whenever they hung out. The two of them had been best friends since college, and now as colleagues, Hange could tell from the numerous awkward and sort-of romantic encounters with Levi that Petra wasn't exactly his type.

"Is this a joke? Is this for a dare?" Hange kept prodding. They would bombard him with questions nonstop until he gave in. “Did you hit your head somewhere? Are you dying?”

"No, I just told you, Four-Eyes, I wanted to try something new.” Levi returned to his work and continued typing on his computer. “She said she already has planned something for tomorrow."

"This isn't you, Levi. You don't like itineraries," Hange said, sitting down to compose themself, gripping the pencil in their hand and holding it too tightly against the notepad.

"Maybe it's about time I do."

“So you’re choosing her over me?” Hange was already upset. Their hand was already shaking at this point, the tip of their pencil threatening to break. Levi would usually hang out with them to binge-watch a show or series on Saturdays over pizza and cheap beer, which reminded her, “What about our UBE?”

“Our—what?” He looked over his shoulder, confused.

Hange gave him a hopeful smile, hand still resting on the paper. “Our Ultimate Bonding... Experience?”

Levi glued his eyes to his computer screen once more. “You can Netflix and chill on your own for one night.”

The pencil snapped in half.

—

It was only 6 pm and Hange had already downed half a bucket of beers this Friday evening. Tomorrow morning, Levi would meet up with Petra somewhere for their date, maybe have lunch, a movie, some hand-holding and kissing, and then the two would possibly end it up with a bang. Something was really boiling deep inside Hange as these imagined scenes flashed through their mind.

And Erwin had to bear with them for tonight.

"I just don't understand, 'Win," Hange started, "Why would he do this? Why would he trade our pizza night for a girl he can't even relate to?"

Erwin was Hange and Levi's colleague in the same department before he got promoted to an executive position in corporate. Times like this, he would lend an ear to his friends' complaints and act as some sort of a part-time counselor, part-time therapist, and full-time drinking buddy.

Hange should be thankful Erwin had never charged them for these sessions before, but now with all of their whining, he was probably regretting that he gave them for free.

"Last I checked, you guys are just best buddies," Erwin commented. "Have you ever told him how much he means to you?"

Hange pouted.

"I'll take that as a no," Erwin said.

Their friend had a point.

"I can imagine it already, " Hange mused, eyes already watery, "I can imagine him walking down the aisle with pretty-face Petra and making babies with her, while I end up becoming that unknown relative who sends them presents for Christmas every year."

"Ah, I can imagine all the regrets you'll be having for the rest of your life."

Hange grabbed a fistful of hair in both hands. "What do I do now? I want Levi to be happy, I really do. I want to see him be happy, even if it's not with me. But why am I getting all riled up about this?"

"Then follow him," Erwin simply said as he wiped the beer of his mouth with his sleeve. "Follow him to the ends of the earth. Maybe you'll see for yourself."

Erwin had meant it as a figurative speech. When he said follow, he meant Hange supporting Levi all the way through. He never meant Hange stalking their best friend on his date.

Obviously, Hange had gotten it all wrong, because now they just blinked once, twice, a grin forming on their face. As if an epiphany had appeared before them. "Hmm. You're right."

Follow him.

This could be the greatest thing that Erwin Smith had ever come up with. Brilliant idea. Superb, even. One-of-a-kind strategy by none other than the genius Erwin Smith—oh, yes, yes, yes.

Erwin was still finishing up his beer when Hange tackled him into a hug out of gratitude, their smile wider than before. "You really are the best of the best, you know that?" They told him. This could work, Hange thought.

The plan was to follow Levi, literally.

—

"Boss, why did you pay me a hundred bucks to follow them?"

Hange was wringing their hands together. "We’re doing this together, Moblit! I wanna see how Levi acts around this girl."

"That's it?" Poor Moblit couldn't believe what he's hearing.

"I just wanna make sure he's making a good impression!"

They’re both sitting in a cafe right across Levi’s apartment. He and Hange were dressed up in plain clothes with matching sunglasses and baseball caps. Moblit had no choice; Hange was going to strangle his neck if he declined.

Moblit rested his head against his palm. "Aren't you jealous?"

"Pffft, me? Jealous?" The sour look on Hange's face was enough to tell Moblit that they weren't fooling anybody. It was just Levi’s attitude towards the entire ordeal that was tearing Hange apart. “I’m sure I’m not being rude.”

Moblit scratched his head and sighed. Hange as a boss could be really demanding at times, but the two of them were also friends in real life, which is why he agreed to this. "I thought Petra was head over heels for Oluo?"

"I thought so, too."

"He's dense, though," Moblit said. "Maybe this was just a ruse to get Oluo to confess?"

But Hange was already distracted by the sight of Levi coming out of the building.

"Ooh, he's leaving." Hange pointed towards the familiar figure. They then put their shades on as part of their undercover mission. "Let's go."

The two of them hid behind the fast food mascot of the big fat stupid ugly bee. Levi really knew how to dress up, Hange had noticed. He was wearing a plain button-up with dark pants, his hair neatly trimmed and his face cleanly shaven. He never dressed up like this whenever they hung out. It hurt Hange to see him this handsome. Levi then headed straight for the nearest station and waited for the next train to arrive. Hange and Moblit then took the same train but stayed on the other rail cart, catching a glimpse of Levi every now and then to make sure that he hadn't alighted by then.

“What would you do if they do end up together, Boss?” Moblit had to ask.

“I'd sign my life away as a single person for the rest of my years. Be an old cat person, maybe.”

The skyscrapers of Makati were passing them by, huge billboards left and right of commercial ads and government campaigns looming over them. If they looked far enough, they could see shanties and informal settlers nested in small alleys here and there. Hange had been seeing this for the past few years of their lives; Metro Manila could be daunting, but they wished they could spend away from the noisiness and busyness of the capital.

“He's getting out at Ayala Station, Boss!" Moblit pointed out. "They’re probably meeting somewhere in Greenbelt.”

“Ah, fancy-schmancy. Who could have known?”

Makati was the place only for the very rich, or for the very poor. There was no in between. Nobody dared to bat an eyelash at the rickety houses behind the skyscrapers. The shopping district and the high-end restaurants where affluent people would gather: celebrities, business executives, expatriates, anyone who could call themselves rich, rich, rich. Hange was none of those. Levi wasn't either, but he could easily pass off as one if he wanted to.

When they got off at the station, Hange and Moblit crouched behind the dumpster, craning their necks enough to get a glimpse of Levi coming up to Petra who stood waiting in front of the fountain.

“Ah, I’m so glad you’re here,” Petra said, her smile warm and happy as Levi walked alongside her. “Shall we?”

Petra was effortlessly gorgeous. She had her hair clipped into place, her slender figure matching the nice summer dress that she wore. She had also put on some light makeup, but even without it, Hange could tell that Petra would still be as breathtaking.

There really wasn't anything that Hange could hate about Petra Rall. Petra was attractive and alluring, sweet and shy, probably the ultimate dream girl of every person in their office. Hange would date Petra if she were even into them, provided the two of them had a spark.

But Hange's attention was all for Levi. Always had been. Always will be.

"Shall we, Boss?" Moblit interrupted Hange's train of thought.

"Right."

Tonight they felt that they had to accept the possibility of Levi ending up with someone else. Regardless of how this would end, Hange had decided they'd be there for him.

—

They didn't really blend in with this fancy-schmancy place. This was one of the most expensive fashion malls in the area; the price tags made broke people cry, and the restaurants were considered artisan for their taste. People were dressed up in crisp polos and cocktail dresses, the faint smell of perfume wafting here and there. The gardens had a beautiful landscape, stoned paths paving the way, and the lights were carefully draped on the trees around them, glowing like stars. It was a romantic setup for lovers.

Petra was pointing out all the different sights around the area, holding onto Levi's arm. Levi remained stiff all throughout their date, not even shedding a single ounce of emotion when Petra popped a joke. It ended up being a lousy one, though, since Levi didn't even scoff. Hange felt smug after that; their own jokes were terrible as well, but at least Levi would call them out for that.

"I think it's going well, don't you, Boss?" Hange's assistant teased.

“Oh, yeah, perfect, I can see how compatible they are.” Hange was being sarcastic.

Petra had chosen a place called People's Palace. It had a five-star rating on the internet, and even the cheapest item on the menu could break a whole in someone's wallet. There was no way they could eat there. Levi didn't even protest, though. He must have been saving up for this all along. Thankfully, the restaurant's walls were a solid transparent glass, and Hange could see the two of them from afar without having to go in.

Petra was saying something in a hushed tone when Levi came over to her side. He then put a hand on her face, tenderly brushing her cheek, as if he were about to go in for a kiss.

The moment Levi held Petra that close, Hange had to stifle their gasp which ended up like a strangled cry.

The sound made Levi look over his shoulder. Moblit had to cup his hand over Hange's mouth to shush them up, pulling them down behind the huge pots of plants.

"You alright?" Petra asked him, craning her neck towards the source of the sound as well. "What was that?"

Levi clicked his tongue. "Probably some lost bird. Well, more like a dying one."

The two went back to their meals and didn't bother to check if they were being followed. Moblit then let go of Hange and sighed in relief. They were safe, for now.

Everyone in the restaurant looked classy and elegant, soft lights all over the room. After Levi had paid for the meal (he didn't look too happy when he saw the check), he and Petra stood up and exited through the other door on the farthest end. Hange had forgotten about that. The People's Palace had an entryway connecting to the indoor gardens. They would have to enter the premise in order to follow Levi and Petra.

Without any further thought, Hange immediately stood up to barge into the restaurant, urging their assistant to follow. "They're probably confessing to each other in the gardens!" Hange was already right through the entrance. "Moblit, hurry up, I need to—"

"Boss, watch out!"

The warning came in too late. Hange had already knocked down a drink from the waiter's tray right behind them, the liquid spilling all onto the customer sitting nearest to where they were. The huge beefy man was furious, the steam already coming out of his reddened ears.

"Why, you, son-of-a-gun—"

Hange held up both hands in front of their face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to!"

"Do you even belong here, you prick?" The stranger grabbed the front of Hange's oversized shirt. There were gasps from other customers, and one of the servers left to call the manager.

"Please, don't!"

The man started shaking Hange. "Filthy, pathetic, piece of—"

Somebody grabbed his wrist before he could even do anything else. "Let go."

It was Levi.

"And who the fuck are you?"

He was small, but his presence was intimidating, firm. "My friend already apologized. Isn't that enough?"

The stranger released his hold of Hange and held out the stained fabric. "Fucking pay for this shirt, asshole!"

Hange was mouthing 'sorry, sorry, sorry,' to him, their eyes filled with apology. Levi didn't bat an eyelash. Instead, he quickly took out twenty bucks from his wallet and shoved it into the huge man's hand. He then grabbed his friend by the elbow. "Hange, come on."

"Hey, this isn't enough, shortstack," the stranger grumbled, crumpling the bill. He gestured once more to his stained shirt. "Do you know how much I bought this for?"

"You could buy a similar one from one of the thrift stores downtown for less than half the price. I doubt anybody would notice." He tugged at Hange again and headed for the exit.

"What did you say, you little—"

They were out of the restaurant before the man could even finish. The manager had kept the customer in his seat, trying to console him with a discounted coupon.

Outside was a breath of fresh air, the coolness of it enough to clear their minds.

“You alright?”

Hange was still trembling. Their lips quivered, too. They had never been roughly-held like that before. Levi calmed them down by rubbing their back, urging them to take slow, steady breaths.

"Levi?" Petra called after the two of them. "Are we still heading to the movie?"

Hange had feared this all along. They didn't want to ruin his date with Petra; they merely wanted to see Levi, and now they had done it. Hange held their own face in both hands. Levi saw it and knew what he had to do.

“I’m sorry, Petra, but we should probably call it off at this point.”

"Should we re-sched?"

Levi paused before responding. "I had a good time tonight, Petra. But I think... once is enough.

“Oh. Okay.” Petra stood still for a moment, disappointed. They expected her to cause a scene, to thrash at him or at Hange, and then complain about her evening. But to Petra's credit, she merely broke into a smile and said, "Thanks for giving me a chance, Levi. I had a good time, too. You guys enjoy the rest of the night."

The huge beefy man suddenly burst out of the glass door, the restaurant manager no longer able to hold him back. "You fucking punks, I'm going to call the police—"

Hange hid behind Levi out of instinct, which didn't make any sense, considering that he was a couple inches shorter than them. "What now?" Their hand was still in his.

"Go ahead, Petra's safe with me," Moblit assured them. "I'll text you guys once we get home safely."

Levi nodded and took off with Hange.

They ran past the gardens, past the expensive shops, past the fountains and the bright lights. Everything seemed like a blur. Hange's senses had overloaded their brain at this point, especially since Levi's hand was still holding on to theirs. It was warm. They never expected any of these to happen. Levi would look over his shoulder once in a while to see if Hange could still keep up. They ran as fast as their legs could carry them, and with every tug of their hand, Hange felt like they were living in a dream. The two of them had already reached the station, heavily panting as they clutched their chest.

"So much for trailing me all this time, Four-Eyes," Levi heaved. He knew.

Hange was beyond apologetic. "I'm sorry, okay! I just wanted to see how you'd act around someone while on a date."

Levi made another scoffing sound. For a minute, Hange thought he was mad. But the intensity in his eyes was full of longing, like somehow, he did want Hange to follow him. And then Levi sighed. "Erwin told me you might be spying; my suspicions were confirmed when I saw you hiding behind the plants."

“Oh.” Hange had nothing else to say. “Well, then, I, uhm, I should probably head home. Sorry for ruining your date."

They were about to leave when Levi held their hand once again, stopping Hange in their tracks. "Where do you want to go?" he asked.

"Huh?"

"You already ruined my date, so you might as well hang out with me for the rest of the night."

Hange couldn't believe what they were hearing. It was almost too good to be true. But the reality dawned upon them; they were still in Makati, and they couldn’t really afford any of these places. "Uh… well, I don't really have any money, and I'm not really sure I want to dine here…"

"It's fine,” Levi said. “I know a place to go."

-------

Part 2 coming up soon!

#levihan #aot #snk #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #levi ackerman #captain levi #levi attack on titan #hange zoe #hanji zoe #fanfic #fanfiction #greenbelt makati #mine #writing #djmarinizela

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sinkix · 4 years ago

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Haikyuu!!│Boys going grocery shopping w/ you! HC’s│Ft. Bokuto, Nishinoya, Terushima, Kuroo & Kunimi

I had this late night idea and just HAD to follow through, the chaos would be O F F T H E C H A R T S. Thank you to @deathcab4daddy for helping me brainstorm some good characters for this post lmao I love you bby and can’t wait to do a collab. <3

E N J O Y ~

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

BOKUTO:

WHEN I TELL YOU THIS BOI PICKS UP EVERYTHING IN SIGHT LIKE A 6 YEAR OLD

I FUCKING MEAN IT.

“(Y/N) we need this”

“Bokuto we do not need a 7th jar of peanut butter.”

“But (Y/N) it has a squirrel on the front-”

“BOKUTO I SWEAR TO GOD”

Tries to drift on the edge of the cart like something straight outta CSGO and the cart nearly obliterates under his weight.

V e r y l o u d u n e c c e s s a r i l y.

Everyone always stares at y’all when you’re going through the isles bc ur literally escorting a man-child sprawled in a shopping cart who’s going “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” at everything he sees like he’s a toddler at the zoo who’s never encountered a chimpanzee before.

Unless you have a bottomless bank account do NOT take him shopping of any kind he is LETHAL.

When you’re at the check-out he turns it into a basketball competition and tries to launch everything perfectly on to the conveyor belt.

Volleyball player? Nah this sis with the NBA now.

Do not ask him to go get something, he will return with at least 9 items you didn’t need and everything BUT the item you requested

He turned up with a whole ass pineapple, a jar of jam, a stick of butter and a bottle of olive oil.

Like,,,where is the correlation in those items???

Once made the mistake of asking him to grab some pads from the hygiene section and specified it HAD to be with wings

Boy showed up ten minutes later and looking very confuzzled.

You questioned why he has a pack of wingless pads in one hand and a can of red bull in the other.

He said it’s because they didn’t have any with wings so he figured the Redbull would suffice and do the job for you.

NISHINOYA:

Can literally fit him in the little cart seat made for kids and he LOVES it lmaoooo IT’S SO CUTE MY HEART.

HE JUST SWINGS HIS LEGS EXCITABLY WHILE YOUR GETTING STUFF AAAAAAA

Ppl give you such weird looks though bc you have a guy who’s at least 14 years older than the intended demographic sitting there and raising his hands in elation over you copping a cookie dough pie and chucking it in.

Again, another who is VERY LOUD FOR NO REASON AT ALL.

Get’s out of the cart after a while bc his legs be growing numb and begins roaming around.

Someone came back with a feral Noya in hand stating “Is this your child” WNDKJWEFNWJEF.

M’AM HE’S LIKE 18 EXCUSE YOU.

Was salty about it for the rest of the day.

Just ruffle his hair and call him Senpai

Problem solved.

Picks up tons of exotic fruit that look more like plastic or fuzzy poisonous plants and begs you to get them.

“Noya what the fuck is that.”

“...a Pitaya.”

“...”

“Can we get it-”

“no.”

“(Y/N)-”

“I SAID NO DAMMIT”

Last time you bought some strange fruit he took it to practise and got Tanaka to spike it LMAOOO

IT SPLATTERED E V E R Y W H E R E

AND OVER DAICHI’S SHIRT.

He begged you to no longer allow Noya to purchase weird fruits from then on since he is like a child with a nerf gun.

He once picked up a phat wrinkly purple fruit and turned to you asking if it was an overgrown raisin.

“Noya sweetie that’s a Date.”

HE FULLY TSK’ED AND THREW IT BACK SINCE IT REMINDED HIM OF DATE TECH I CAN’T.

My boy out here defending Asahi even in the Grocery Isles.

We stan a loyal king.

TERUSHIMA:

Another one who tries to stand on the ledge and the cart wheels almost collapse because it wasn’t designed to hold the weight of a young adult.

Oh young adult??? Sorry I mean’t MAN CHILD.

He treats a shopping experience as a time to practise his aim apparently because he ALWAYS THROWS SHIT AT YOU TO THE POINT YOU’RE THREATENED TO BE KICKED OUT.

Definitely picks up phallic looking objects and places them against his crotch, snorting and saying “Like what you see (Y/N)?”

Homeboy is stood there in front of a wife and child presenting his cucumber appendage for the world to see.

He once grabbed a pair of fat ass melons and pressed them against his chest, shaking them and belting the lyrics to ‘My Milkshake’ while begging you to SQUEEZE HIS MELONS.

“Look (Y/N) they’re bigger than yours!”

I just-

I give up.

Constantly tries to sneak mutli-packs of energy drinks into the cart to the point you’re convinced he is going to keel over from heart failure and kidney stones by the age of 20.

Has his airpods in 90% of the time and treats the isles as his personal dance floor.

He busting them MOVES and performing the MJ moonwalk while in the dairy section.

ONCE HE SLID TOO FAST AND SLIPPED ON HIS REAR IN FRONT OF LIKE 12 PEOPLE LMAOO

He was DEAD silent the rest of the trip.

Probably the most serene shopping experience you’ve had to date.

The checkout clerks occasionally hit on Mr. Sore-Ass over here.

Until he opens his mouth and they realise he’s a total dolt and question how you have the patience for him.

You don’t know either honestly.

The whole bagging experience is spent with them shooting you sympathetic glances as if to say ‘sis you shoulda’ left him at home’.

Yes, yes you should have.

Never a dull moment with Teru as your shopping partner.

KUROO:

LITERALLY LIKE A MIDDLE-AGED MAN OR A TODDLER WHEN Y’ALL GO SHOPPING THERE IS NEVER AN EVEN MIDDLE-GROUND.

Frequently cracks lame-ass food puns or dad jokes that make you want to crawl into a hole and die.

You have competitions on who can come up with the most and the loser always faces a penalty.

Kuroo and creating penalties do NOT mix safely so you better hope you win.

“I love you a waffle lot.”

Proceeds to hold up a wrapped waffle.

Ok that one was kinda cute you’ll let it slide.

“I ap-peach-iate you Kuroo.”

Cue HyenaLaugh.mp3

“Want a pizza me baby? Bitch peas, doughnut take me lightly.”

You changed your mind.

You didn’t talk to him the duration of that shopping experience, no penalty could be as horrifying as what just came out of his mouth.

“(Y/N)... sometimes I feel like you don’t carrot all.”

You slapped him with said carrot and obviously had to pay for it after.

You forced him to eat it raw.

He is the definition of Neutral disaster when you go shopping.

Shitty food puns aside, he is actually very responsible when making sure you both get what you need.

Not without tons of poking, prodding, and blowing into your ear while you’re trying to decide what ingredients to buy for dinner.

You contemplated serving him a plate of bubbling snot and moulded broccoli seasoned with rosemary.

Bone apple teeth, bitch.

Ofc you didn’t because he always pulls out the puppy eyes and cuddles card after since he knows he’s well and truly rattled your patience lmao.

Actually picks really healthy food options?? Being the captain of a team he has the responsibility of keeping his health in top condition and leading by example so at least he knows the right ingredients to make a bomb-ass and nutritious meal ig.

Y’all always bicker and tease each other at the checkout which is usually great amusement for the clerk serving you as they often smirk and perceive you as an old married couple.

Which tbh you kinda are, it feels like it at least.

Still such a big asshole though lmao you never leave the store without your sanity being scathed.

KUNIMI:

Honestly just wanted an excuse to make jokes at the expense of the Aoba Johsai teammates.

and what better candidate for cracking these than Kunimi.

He’s a very chill partner to have tag along with you on your endeavours.

Not without some grumbling and groaning on his part though, lazy bitch.

You always finish shopping trips with a busted lung at how much you have been laughing though with some of the SHADY ASS REMARKS HE MAKES ABOUT THE OTHER TEAM MATES.

You were outside the store when you both spotted an angry looking Doberman tied to a nearby post.

“Smh who let Kyotani outside again.”

You hadn’t even set foot in the store yet and he was already spitting flaming insults.

[Walking up to the automatic double doors]

“Damn Oikawa move out of my way.”

Oikawa just tryna live and he keeps getting roasted for his flat cheeks

#StopOikawaAssShaming

Ten minutes of scouring the store later he picks up a spikey Kiwano and compares it to Iwaizumi’s hair.

Proceeds to beg you not to tell my boy Iwa because he KNOWS he will get decked to the gym floor.

Passers by often wonder why you’re wheezing and producing noises like a boiling kettle.

When I tell you no one is safe, I mean N O O N E.

“These Yule logs really out here looking like Matsukawa’s brows.”

The finisher was when Kunimi picked up a turnip and said

“Huh, kinda looks like Kindaichi.”

I just-

He could roast a whole chicken in minutes from the burn of these comments I stg.

You can now never look at the Seijou team without various foods or inanimate objects plaguing your thoughts.

Thanks, Kunimi.

#hq #haikyuu #kuroo tetsurō #nishinoya yuu #bokuto kotaro #terushima yūji #karasuno #johzenji #nekoma #fukurodani #haikyuu headcanons #hq headcanons #haikyuu x reader #aoba johsai #kunimi akira #seijou #seijoh

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lennydaisy · 4 years ago

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EPIPHANY SERIES // OUTER BANKS // CHAPTER THREE.

(n.) a moment when you suddenly feel that you understand. or suddenly become conscious of something that is very important to you.

“Care to seize the day, my friend?”

Outer Banks Season 1- FEM OC! and ?

Here’s the link to Chapter Two in case you haven’t read it already <3 Check it out!!

Babysitting isn't for everybody. And at the beginning, I didn't think I was for me either. They say every child is different and this job has proved that couldn't be more true. Call it delusion, but I thought babysitting would be the easiest job on the planet. Getting paid to look after someone's kid for a few hours whilst they run for the hills for a sliver of free time. Sounds easy enough right?

Wrong!

You need to have thick skin when it comes to babysitting. No matter how much the parents reassure and praise their kid for being a literal angel on earth. That said angel will call you a do-do head at least once whilst simultaneously having a tantrum because you told them no, despite how much they promised that their parents allow them to climb onto of the refrigerator.

The first time I babysat it was actually a baby I was watching. The mom wanted to get out of the house and away from the responsibility of her 6-month-old. She had graciously written up any and every scenario that could play out in the few hours she was gone. And I was feeling confident. Until I wasn't.

They wouldn't stop crying. And their special lamb, that the board told me to give to the baby when they were upset, ran out of batteries, and I couldn't find new ones anywhere.

They refused to eat, just spitting the pureed food back in my face. They also wouldn't keep their socks on and that was the last straw for my sanity. I understood now why the mom had been quick to run out the door.

I ended up calling Kie, begging for her to come and help. I don't know how she understood a word I said, I was practically hyperventilating over the line, staring at the baby who was crawling around in a fit of rage.

Kie was truly a godsend. She somehow fed the baby and managed to get them to sleep before the mom came back. It did result in me splitting my first wage with Kie, but I wasn't complaining, I was just happy that I made it out of that house with just a headache and not an external crisis. Though that did come later.

I've babysat an 8-year-old boy, who ran away from me in the park. I did find him eventually. After giving myself a hairline fracture in my right wrist from climbing the tree he got stuck in.

I've babysat animals before. That wasn't part of my non-existing contract, but the way they spoke about their pets was very humanlike. It didn't end well for me, it never does. It resulted in me holding four leashes of four overly excited Komodo Dragons. Just kidding. The refused to move and lacked any type of emotion.

'I took you guys to the beach, be grateful.'

Now, I know what you're thinking, Komodo Dragons? Aren't those Illegal to have as pets? The answer to that question is yes! But I didn't know that. Just imagine Shoupe's face when he saw me practically dragging not one, but four, exotic animals across the boneyard. It looked suspicious is all I'm going to say.

Turns out the two guys who asked me to babysit their dragons for them we're smugglers who purchased and sold exotic animals. Not good. Apparently, they were already under the police departments radar and the pair planned on legging it to the in-country hoping to change and clear their names.

That worked out well for them, I think? Nothing else was really mentioned of it after my dad collected me from the police station. They're still on the radar, I hope. If not then there are two brawny men out there that could come and kill me in my sleep for ruining their very illegal business. Look, If you are up to some suspect things, my dumbass is the last person you'd want to be involved. I will unironically get you caught.

That's how Ward Cameron had heard about my very pristine babysitting service. Noticing the little bit of trouble that always seemed to shadow me, he offered to hire me permanently as his youngest daughter's babysitter.

That was three years ago, and here I am still babysitting Wheezie.

"This is stupid," Wheezie complains, trudging behind me, pushing forward the shopping cart filled with lost items that we found on the beach.

Since there is no internet in Kookland, in other words, Wheezie's heart line is currently in critical care. I decided to venture outdoors with her for a change. Instead of just sitting around her three-storey clubhouse or in her four-acre backyard, I thought it would be nice to comb the beach of any debris that the hurricane brought along.

There was a lot of personal items that washed up on the beach too. Wallets, bags, photographs, books, clothes, wine bottles, footballs, toys, you get the gist. Most of them were ruined, either waterlogged or just completely useless. However, somethings just needed a good clean, and that's what we are going to spend our day doing. There is no way of telling what belongs to who, so we'll just turn them into the lost and found and hope they'll check there if it was important enough to them.

Our two trollies worth didn't even make a dent in the rubble that litters the beach, but it was a start. Say hello to a summer of hard labour.

"There was a hurricane Wheezie, have some sympathy" I roll my eyes at the girl who was less than thrilled about today's plans.

"I do have sympathy," she claims defensively, "It's just pointless. No one's gonna come looking for this junk," eyes flickering through the findings in her trolley.

What we found isn't pointless. They belong to someone. I think about it the same way I did as a kid when I wanted every single teddy bear in my bed at night so none got left out, so I didn't hurt their feelings. A ragged old soccer ball might look worse for wear, but it has a home and I going to get it back there.

"It's not junk," I object, stopping momentarily, waiting for the stroppy pre-teen to catch up. "Say you lost your phone and someone found it, and returned it too you. You wouldn't be grateful?" I theorize in terms that I know she would understand.

"My dad would just get me a new one," she shrugs nonchalantly, not missing a beat.

"Well, not everyone's fortunate that way," I remind her, blinking suddenly as the sun shines on something reflective in the cart, blinding me.

Reaching towards the sparkling object, I realise that it appears to be quite expensive. It's a glass ashtray. Rubbing the damp sand off the surface, my thumb feels an engraving. In swirly calligraphy, reads the initials:

'S.G'

"I'm sorry," Wheezie apologizes, wincing when she heard my comment, "I didn't think-"

"-It's okay," I smile at the girl. It's not like I don't understand my current life situation. It's pretty shitty, I know, but I live with it. I was born a Pogue for a reason. I wasn't supposed to be born with a silver spoon in my mouth, though that doesn't mean I hate those who are. They have it easier than me and my family, sure, but that's just how it is in the Outer Banks. Some are more fortunate than others. It does, however, leave a sour taste in my mouth that Kook parents will just throw money at there children to get them to shut up, but that's just a Pogue's opinion.

The generators haven't kicked in yet, seeing as though the Camerons security code gate is bouncing loosely against its unlocked hinges. Holding the gate open for Wheezie to push by with her cart, I catch a glimpse of their usually perfectly mowed lawn. Instead, I see plenty of fallen trees and scattered branches, broken plant pots, and ruined garden monuments. It’s not a good look, especially for the high-class Camerons.

That just goes to show, hurricane's don't show mercy on anyone, Kook or not.

As a wise man once said; 'Thanks Agatha, ya batch.'

Parking our carts beside the Cameron's private pool, away from the workers who are just trying to do their jobs. I turn to Wheezie saying, "You go get some soapy water and gloves and I'll empty the carts."

Nodding her head, she rushes into her house, leaving me slightly confused, 'Where did the sudden enthusiasm come from?'

Emptying the carts, I lay out what needs to be cleaned the most: from a bronze candlestick holder to a old, yet unique, shoe buckle, and everything in between. And of course, the ashtray.

Holding it gently in my palms, legs crossed against the cold slabs, I couldn't help but feel hypnotised by the intricate marks that littered the tray. It truly was a lost treasure.

"I'll take that," announces a voice from behind my hunched figure, jumping when a hand snatches the tray from my grip.

Coming to my feet, I'm ready to snatch the tray back from the sudden thief, but I stop when I realise who it is. Why am I not surprised, I am on their turf.

If it isn't dumb, dumber and dumbest.

Throwing the delicate glass from hand to hand, Rafe lets out a low whistle, "Check the weight on that," he tosses it to Kelce who was standing tall behind him. Kelce nods his head in approval, of course agreeing with what Rafe has to say.

"Who did you steal that from Pogue?" Rafe smirks thinking he has me sussed out. Not wanting to give the satisfaction that him lobbing around the ashtray is causing me heart amputations, I stare him in the eye, "I didn't steal it. I found it."

"You did, did you," he utters pushing past me, his head low with a sick smile, taking in the view of the tressures that I had laid out, "And what about all this? Did you just find that too?"

I say nothing. He knows the answer to that question. I already told him. I don't need to explain myself, especially not to Rafe Cameron.

His eyes flicker over Wheezie and I's findings, taking in each and everyone with a curious eye, before he cracked, "Bunch of junk," kicking some of the items into the pool.

All I could do was stare. Stare as someone's possessions sunk to the bottom of the marble pool, clashing and crumbling at the foot of Rafe. I fell sick.

His friend just laughs, egging him on. Kelce patting him proudly on the back, handing him back the ashtray. Rafe turns to face me, that smirk never leaving his face, but I can't look at him. I refuse to.

"-Hey Rafe, dad's looking for you," a soft voice breaks the harsh glare that Rafe was sending my way. Nodding his head at the voice, he holds the ashtray out for me to take.

It was too good to be true.

Gullible enough, I reach out for it, only to have it slip through my fingertips. Unable to hear the shattering of the glass as it hits the red slab, my brain refuses to accept fate as I stare down at the shards.

Laughing lightly, I bite my lip, nodding my head understandingly, not expecting anything less from Rafe. A sharp grip on my wrist snaps up my damp eyes, "See you later, Pogue," he hisses in my numb ear, before marching away as though nothing happened.

Sensing a presence, I meet eyes with the 3rd and final member of Rafe's crowd.

Topper.

Smiling lopsidedly at the well put together boy who hasn't moved or spoken since showing up, "Nice friends you've got there Topper," I say monotoned, watching as the boy snaps out of his trance-like state before following Rafe with a blank expression and his tail between his legs.

Shuddering out a breath, I unclip my waist bag and begin to pick up the chunks of glass. Pausing when a pair of clean, white shoes entre my line of sight, "Careful," she crounches down, picking up a shard, placing it into my bag.

A few minutes of picking up the sizable pieces, all that was left on the slabs was a glittering shimmer. Satisfied with what was salvaged, we stand back up to our full height. It was silent. Awkwardly silent.

"Thank you," I shyly say, not at all pleased that the Cameron girl had caught me in a moment of weakness, but at least she didn't mock me for it.

"Your welcome," she smiles before reaching for the tennis rackets she had thrown on the ground before coming to help me. Certain that was the end of the exchange, I turned back to the pool where pieces of metal and loose book pages float carelessly on the surface.

It was just a bunch of junk anyway.

"Hey," Sarah turns, rubbing the back of her head subconsciously, "I'm going to save mice from the birds," she says, pointing out to the bottom of her garden where the surge has blown over, waterlogging the grass.

I just blink at the girl, confused as to why she is even telling me this. Letting out a gentle huff, "I have a spare racket," she offers, holding out one of the two rackets she has in her hands.

Finally catching what she's throwing, I look anywhere but her direction, "I can't," hoping to find a legit excuse as to why I don't want to help her be a hero for mice. Then it hit me, "I'm supposed to be babysitting Wheezie."

My triumphant smile fell as fast as it came when Sarah says, "The powers back on, Wheezie will not willingly come outside again," still holding out the bat for me to take, "Also, my dad's back, so your shift ended about 20 minutes ago."

The more reasons she adds, the more difficult she is making it to say no, and she knows it as well. Her eyebrows dancing lightly as she waves the racket around like a tempting treat.

Giving in, seeing as though I have run out of excuses to give, I grudgingly accept the racket. Maybe her being the sworn enemy of my best friend would have been a good excuse, but I didn't think of that at the time. And what would I of said:

'Oh, I can't help you, even though you selflessly helped me, because my best friend hates your guts.'

What are we, middleschoolers?

I can't help but feel wrong about it though. Like I'm betraying my role as a pogue, as a best friend. But if I feel that way about just being near the kook princess, that doesn't make me any better than her brother. A judgmental prick.

Let's call it paying back a debt. She helped me, now I'll help her. Tit for tat. Anything to make my mind feel at ease.

Walking behind the women who seemed to be on a mission, I'm met by the shrieking flock of overhead seagulls, each nosediving into the burrows, hoping to catch their next meal.

"Operation ‘Save The Mice’ is a go," she announces, holding out her racket waiting for me to tap mines against hers, declaring our battle. I couldn't help but wonder aloud, "Why does this concern us?" tapping my racket unsurely against hers.

Nodding her head in confirmation, she takes her stance, eyes now set on the sky. "You have about as much compassion as a rock," she focusses her swing, untimely missing by a long shot. It was entertaining to watch, I'm not going to lie.

"Tell me something I don't know," I reply, leaping back as the girl swings her racket with vigour and fury at the diving gulls. I can't help but laugh at her attempts.

Having enough of my laughter she turns around, a challenging look flaring in her eyes, "Think you can do any better?"

I just shrug my shoulders, twirling the racket around my fingers, smirking at my trick, but Sarah just looks unimpressed. Watching as a flock of gulls take their position to dive, I jump as high as possible hoping to swat them away.

At that moment I learned something about human capability. Humans shouldn't jump. Like ever. It's embarrassing. What do we expect? To touch the stars? It's nice to dream and imagine that when we push both legs of the ground, arms reaching high, that we are close to flying. Let's just say my non-existing dream to become an Olympic long jumper has just flushed down the toilet.

Another thing I learned is that when you swing a racket, with force, at a cluster of hungry Seagulls, you will get attacked. The only thing between them and they're next meal is me, and they didn't hesitate to remove me from the situation.

Letting out a shriek, I run away from the burrows, hands protecting my head as the birds swoop at me. Without a second thought, I run behind Sarah, using her as a shield to protect my crouching figure from the diving gulls.

After two minutes of fearing for my life, I can't help but chuckle at myself. And Sarah joins in, shoving my arm lightly, pushing me away from hiding behind her. The sudden shove causes me to stumble over my own feet, falling back on the grass. I couldn't help but laugh more, seeing stars as my stomach cramps in pain.

Sarah holds out her hand, trying her best to keep her balance from laughing, offering to help me up. I accept without a second thought, allowing her to pull me to my feet. Both smiling widely at our stupidity.

"Let's get these birds," I smirked at the girl who nodded her head in agreement. Both of us taking a battle stance, ready to defend our people. Or well Mice. They attack us, we attack them.

A cold shadow suddenly covers the setting sun that was shining against us. We let out another shriek, holding each other as we attempt to duck from the relentless gulls, running away from the burrows.

"Sarah!" I hear someone shout over our screams. Too busy protecting ourselves, we didn't even register the voice, "Mason?!" They ask in confusion.

Finally feeling safe enough from the killer birds, I look up to see Mr Cameron making his way towards us with Lana Grubbs at his side. 'Why is she here?'

"We're busy!" Sarah exclaims, picking up and tossing me the racket I had dropped when I fell, going back to swinging at the birds. She takes one side of the burrows and I take the other, waving around my racket. At this point I don't even care about the mice, those birds attacked me! So, I'm attacking them!

"What are you two doing?" Mr Cameron asks, not understanding why his daughter and his hired babysitter are running around like headless chickens.

"Saving mice," I reply, flashing my eyes over to the man, who stands with an ever so slightly amused look. "The birds are having a field day," Sarah adds, pulling me with her, chasing after the devils in the sky.

"Girls, the birds have to eat too," He implies, but we didn't hear any of it, still aimlessly swinging. "No, it's a mouse genocide out here," Sarah states breathlessly.

"It's the circle of life," Mr Cameron's patience was running thinner, "Now come on, I have a human being-" finally introducing the other presence in the garden. This pauses our attack, both looking apologetically at the lady, "-I'm so sorry. I'm Sarah."

Shaking the ladies hand, "This is Lana Grubbs, Scooter's wife," Mr Cameron introduces, "You were storm prepping with him, right?" he asks his daughter.

"Yeah," she answers, still breathless, "He helped me latch the cabin to the Druthers," nodding her head in the direction of the docked boat at the end of the pier.

'It's a nice boat,' I thought taking in the beauty of the three-story yacht, 'You can't hide money, huh.'

"Last night?"

"Yeah."

"And did he go out after that?"

"From here?"

"Yeah."

"No. Are you crazy? There was a hurricane," Sarah laughs lightly at the thought of someone willingly going out during a storm.'I could think of a few people,' bringing my attention back to the two adults in front of me.

"Well, did he say where he was going?" Miss Lana asks, her eyes erratic, "Get a phone call or mention anything?" The desperation lacing her voice makes my heart stop with sympathy for the woman.

"He didn't say anything to me," Sarah shakes her head, her tone not hiding her pity for the lady.

"What about you Mason?" Mr Cameron asks me, "Have you seen Scooter recently?" his questions sparking Miss Lana to look my way, her eyes glistening with withering hope.

"The last I saw of him was when Pope and I delivered to your house," regret instantly hit me, as I had to be the bearer of bad news. It was true though. The last time I saw Scooter was earlier this week when he opened the door for his groceries. I've seen him at Save-A-Lot a few times, but that was months ago when I had to tell him to leave because other customers were complaining that he was bothering them for money.

"I'm sorry," I apologise to the lady who just shakes her head, looking at the ground.

"Is he okay?" Sarah asks her dad who just nods, wrapping an arm around Miss Lana, "He's absolutely fine," he reassures Sarah, before guiding the dazed woman back towards the house.

"Oh!" I hear Mr Cameron exclaim, spinning round to face me, digging through his pockets, "Thank you for watching Wheezie today," he says, placing a brown envelope in my hand.

"Thank you, sir," I smile with gratitude as he makes his leave again.

Sighing, I slap the envelope a few times in my hand, turn back to a Sarah. I go to snap her out of her daydream, but get interrupted by a distant voice, "Hey Sarah!"

At the top of the disarranged lawn stood a scornful Topper, hands in his pockets as he looks down on us, making his way over at a snail pace.

"You better go," I flick my head in the direction of her boyfriend whose eyes are slitted with distaste. Holding out the racket for her to take, she nods her head and makes her way over to Topper, not even sparing me a glance.

I get it.

"I want you to stay away from that pogue, alright?" I hear him utter not so quietly under his breath, knowing fine well that I'm still able to hear him. I pay him no mind, finding my own way out. That's what he wants. Attention. That's always been what Toppers wants. And I'm not going to give him that satisfaction. Not anymore.

Humming a gentle tune under my breath as I make my way towards the gate. I double-take when I spot a hunched figure sitting by the pool, "Wheezie?"

My sudden appearance spooking her as she ripped the earphones out from her ears, the buds projecting a catchy pop beat. The girl sat on the cold slabs, clad in yellow rubber gloves and safety goggles, surrounded my various cleaning tools: a basin of soapy water, a toothbrush, a blow torch?

"What are you doing?" I ask sceptically, making my way towards her as she stuttered over her words before giving up with a sigh.

"I heard what Rafe said," she admits, her voice low as though afraid to speak out against her brother. That's the Rafe effect. He gets off on it. Knowing that everyone around him, his family included, is too scared to tell him he's a mess with even messier opinions. "And it not true," she adds.

Wheezie walks over, holding out the shoe buckle that we found on the beach. The once rusted and unrecognisable buckle now sparkled a blinding silver, and despite its eroded corners, it was still in great condition, "Pretty, right?" she notices my expression, "That's not the best part," she claims, turning over the buckle, holding it out of me to take.

Engraved on the silver base scribed, 'Made in Occupied Japan.'

"I couldn't save everything, like books and stuff, but I tried my best. I even made a box and everything," She rambles, rushing over to pick up the homemade box that read, "Lost and Found," painted in bold, pink lettering. In the box sat: a polished pin, the candlestick holder, a handful of leather wallets and all the other salvageable treasure that we found. And now the shoe buckle.

"It's not junk," she says, passing me the box, "They belong to someone and I hope they find them," she says, rubbing the back of her tinted red neck, finally understanding why I had her help me in the first place.

It's not junk.

I'm not great when it comes to other peoples emotions. They make me want to shrivel up and go invisible, but I can't help but admire the girls change of heart, but I'm still awkward so, I just ruffle her hair, hoping the annoying act conveys my gratitude.

Having enough of me for one day, Wheezie pushes me toward the gate, practically kicking me out. "See you next time kid," I shout over my shoulder, smiling as her face grovels at the word 'kid'.

Basking at my long journey home, I give up attempting to balance the light box in my arms. I place it on the sidewalk, unzipping my waist bag wanting to tuck the brown envelope, that I was struggling to hold, away.

The clattering of glass pauses my actions. Reaching in, I pick out a small piece, watching as the setting sun danced across the surface, shining every colour of the rainbow onto the tarmac.

'S.G'

Chapter Three: FIN!

I really enjoyed writing this chapter, even though it’s kind of filler. Kie would be proud of Mason for beach combing, her tendencies are rubbing off on her.

I choose for Mason not to go to the motel because that’s just what I choose, I don’t really have a reason why. Well I do, but I can’t tell you yet. You’ll find out eventually, if my idea goes to plan...

So we learned about Mason very perfessional babysitting service. Also I know that Rafe is, y’know bad, but I’m excited to explore Mason’s relationship with him. It will be interesting to write!

What did you think?

I’m really excited to write the next chapter. Mason is going to get buzzed.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter <3

Also, if anyone would like to be tagged in future chapters, just let me know and I’ll for sure do that!

*TAGLIST*

@xshinytrashcanx @prejudic3 @annoylinglyaries

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sweetheart-minnie · 4 years ago

Text

On The Top Of A Ferris Wheel || Minzel

Summary: Minnie convinces Marzel to go on the Ferris Wheel with her during the Fall Carnival

Trigger Warnings: None this is purrree

@marzelsoto

MINNIE

Minnie had pulled all the stops necessary to get Marzel to go to the carnival. She had the day off and wanted to enjoy the carnival but not alone. Of course, she could be with Peri but she didn't want to be a third wheel between her and her boyfriend, so she dragged Marzel.

"Ever got on a ferris wheel before?" She asked all while enjoying a huge thing of cotton candy she had gotten herself.

MARZEL

Marzel wasn’t intending on going to the carnival, his sister had suggested that he go but he hadn’t really had a need or a want to. Somehow though with a pouting Minnie in front of him he agreed and now here he was in front of a giant wheel and apple cider in his hands.

“I haven’t. How does it even work?” Marzel questioned trying to figure it out though for a moment he forgot that was something a human would know.

MINNIE

Aw, Marzel had never enjoyed a ferris wheel ride. Minnie didn’t know why she found that so endearing, but she did. She was also glad to be the one to introduce him to what was practically a Fall tradition in Swynlake.

Minnie was sure that there wasn’t an old timer in town who has not ridden the Ferris Wheel during the annual Fall Carnival.

“You’ll love it then! The first ride is always the best one, so you see those seats there.” The brunette freed one of her hands so that she was able to point at the seats on the ferris wheel.

“We’ll be sitting on one of those and the Ferris Wheel takes a slow spin completely around, stopping pretty frequently to unload and reload. The best is when we are stopped at the top because you get a beautiful view of town from there, especially if you can catch the sun setting.”

MARZEL

Marzel followed her hand to look over the ‘ferris wheel’ it looked precarious if he was to be honest. How could anything be safely built in the span of a few days and then be taken apart and removed just as easily.

But he was also intrigued. And so many people seemed to enjoy it so really what was there for him to fear?

Hopefully nothing.

“Well we may not get the setting sun but I imagine it will still be a nice view?” Marzel stated simply still amazed and worried about the ferris wheel as they moved to line up. “By the way can I try a little bit of your cotton candy?”

MINNIE

“It’ll be great. The sky is clear and there isn’t a hint of rain. It’s perfect even if the sun isn’t setting yet. I always love going on the ferris wheel. I didn’t get to go on it last year. I volunteered to help with the setup of the festival and then had to go to work that night for a twelve hour shift.”

It had been a switch Minnie had agreed to for Lily, so that her friend could come spend some time at the carnival with a date. Honestly, how was she to say no to that?

“Super glad that isn’t the case this year.”

She perked. She had the entire night off and was just as happy that she wasn’t going to have to get on the ferris wheel alone. Sure, the view was beautiful either way, but it was always better when she wasn’t seeing it alone.

Plus, she always liked spending time with Marzel.

Smiling, Minnie inched her cotton candy closer to Marzel. “Of course. It tastes great. How’s your apple cider?”

MARZEL

Marzel wasn’t even that surprised. Minnie worked too much and that was a simple fact that he already knew very well. But Marzel wasn’t about to let her duck away for a shift unless it was an absolute emergency.

Until then they just needed to enjoy themselves at the very least.

Reaching out Marzel took a piece of the sugar, too nervous to have bought one himself without trying it. It was so cloyingly sweet he couldn’t help grimace a little. “I think I prefer the cider to that.”

MINNIE

Minnie couldn’t help but to laugh even though she had tried very hard to keep it in, really she did. She hid her face with her cotton candy until she finished laughing.

“I’m so sorry but your face was priceless.”

It had been cute how it had gotten all wrinkled and taken aback. It wasn’t an expression Minnie was used to seeing in Marzel. He was always so serious, in this brooding type of way that Minnie had grown fond of. It was nice to see this side.

“You didn’t like it? Maybe I should have warned you that it’s very sweet.”

MARZEL

Marzel blushed, the tips of his ears completely red as he lifted his hand to hide his cheeks. A human should have known. He should have been aware and yet for a moment he had been truly surprised at the taste and hadn’t even tried to mask it.

“I know it’s called spun sugar but I don’t know what I was expecting. If I was expecting anything else.” Marzel admitted slowly. “I don’t think I like sweet things all that much.”

MINNIE

Normally, Minnie was the one who always ended up blushing because it was just so easy to get her to blush, but seeing it now on Marzel was a nice refreshing switch, although she kept that thought to herself.

Instead, she laughed a little more giving Marzel a mock studied look before concluding with a nod of her head.

“You know, I can see that. I would peg you for a no sugar or cream in your coffee type of guy just straight black. Whereas with me I welcome loading my coffee in all the cream and sugar. Never try any of the pastries I eat at Hatter’s if you can’t handle this cotton candy.”

MARZEL

Marzel had to look away from Minnie, the laughter and everything too much that he wasn’t going to be able to stop the blood rushing to his face. “I do prefer it more bitter than sweet.” But Marzel also drank more tea than he did coffee and tea had a lot more flavour to it.

“Perhaps this is how you survive all the shifts that you work?” Marzel questioned as they were ushered onto the ride and Marzel threw out his now empty cider.

And he paid careful attention to see how to buckle up correctly.

MINNIE

“How did I know.”

Minnie teased, popping a little more of her cotton candy into her mouth before she followed Marzel in the ferris wheel seat. She too made sure to buckle up correctly, not that she was thinking that anything bad was going to happen during the ride, but one never knew.

And they did live in Swynlake after all.

“And absolutely.” She admitted with no shame at all. “It’s my secret weapon. One coffee before starting the shift and another one once the shift ends. If the shift is really, really, bad then I go for a third cup in the middle of my shift for a pick me up. Coffee is a life saver.”

Ever wanted to make Minnie’s day? Just bring her coffee while at work.

“Any hospital worker that tells you otherwise is lying.”

MARZEL

Maybe Marzel was too forthcoming, maybe he was too obvious. Maybe Minnie paid more attention then he gave her credit for. Maybe Marzel should have been creating boundaries instead of saying yes and coming out here with her.

“I’m afraid you’re the only one I know so you could lie to me and I would have no choice but to believe you.” Then again he was sure Minnie could tell him anything and he would still believe it.

Creak went the wheel as it started to bring them higher.

MINNIE

“Well, you’re in luck then because I am a horrid liar.”

Not that Minnie would lie to Marzel, she never felt the need to do so. It was probably one of the many reasons she enjoyed spending time with him. She never felt like she had to be anybody else around him. He took her as she was even with every shaken head at her hectic schedule and sad inability to say no.

“I ramble when I lie, like embarrassingly so, so you would know right away if I was. I literally cannot get away with anything.”

She rambled when she was nervous too and whenever she got worried.

“I’m also an emotional eater, like when I’m angry I like to stuff popcorn while venting. I ate a whole bag and a half of popcorn once while angry, not one of my proudest moments if I’m honest.”

The ferris wheel took off and Minnie’s eyes shifted a moment to look through the open space of the ferris cart. In a few they’ll both be able to see the whole of Swynlake and Minnie was super excited for that.

MARZEL

There was an innocence to Minnie, the inability to lie but the fact that she didn’t mind. The fact that she owned that. It was kind of adorable...for a human. It was a reason he trusted her so much at this point. Even holding himself back he had found himself trusting her.

Hence being trapped in this machine that he didn’t understand.

It was shakier than expected but maybe he was just more sensitive to the motion and as he glanced over the edge Marzel immediately wished he hadn’t. He was used to being below sea level or on the ground.

“T-that’s higher than ex-pected.” And damn his voice stuttered too.

MINNIE

There was a shakiness to Marzel’s voice that was very foreign to Minnie’s ears. In fact, she was pretty sure it was something she hasn’t heard out of him. Marzel always held a strong air of confidence to him.

He knew who he was, knew what he believed, was always solid.

And maybe this was the wrong reaction, but Minnie was smiling. It was by no means at his expense, but here she was learning these little hidden pieces of Marzel. They were those pieces that were kept tucked away, the ones everyone had but never wanted to admit. She was given the chance to peek in and see.

These weren’t thoughts Minnie should be dwelling and so she pushed them aside and carefully moved herself so that she was sitting beside Marzel.

Minnie hoped that the close presence would bring some ease. “This is about as high as we get. You’ll be seeing the cotton candy stand very soon.” She teased.

MARZEL

Marzel knew that Minnie had slipped over though his eyes had stayed focus on the ground. How did people like to be up this high and look at it. He had taken a plane here of course but he hadn’t needed to see any of it. He hadn’t even really thought about it and now there was no way to ignore it.

With both their hands on the seat Marzel didn’t even think before he had reached out taking Minnie’s in his own.

“You’re enjoying this aren’t you?” Marzel questioned turning his attention to her and trying to ignore the passing ground.

MINNIE

Marzel placed his hand on her’s and Minnie didn’t know how to react, or maybe she did because she didn’t take her hand away. Truth be told, she didn’t want to. Marzel holding her hand felt comfortable, it felt warm, like it was supposed to be there fitting perfectly well with her own.

Minnie could hear her own heart picking up in pace within her chest, the sound drumming hard against her ear drums. She was probably making this more than what it was and if she didn’t stop all these thoughts there would be a burning red coating her cheeks soon.

This is why they say not to have feelings for your friends. It blurred the lines and made it messy. It was why the brunette was always constantly denying it.

Marzel turned to look at Minnie now, a smile lining her lips. “Maybe just a little.” She admitted with a playful teasing air. “You don’t have to look out of the carriage.” The brunette gave his hand a small gentle squeeze. “It’ll help if you don’t.”

MARZEL

Minnie had squeezed his hand and for the first time Marzel realized he had grabbed onto her hand. He shouldn’t have done that but he found that he didn’t really care that he had. The ever present thought that Minnie was a mundus human was not at the forefront of his mind.

His fear was. But at the same time it was this kind girl in front of him as well.

This wasn’t like what it was with Adella either, he had jumped into that head first without even meaning to. Before he could say no he was in water he had never navigated before.

But here it was soft, the slow ever presence of gentle waves coaxing a shy fish out before showering him with sunlight. That’s what Minnie’s laughter and smile had accomplished, even as it inched toward sunset she offered a gentle warmth.

Marzel didn’t want to lose that, and he wasn’t sure at what point he had become determined to keep her friendship in his life. From the walks home or the slow experience of new things on both their side. Or re-experience for Minnie.

“That would mean I would be focusing on you for the rest of the ride, Would it not?” Marzel questioned lightly, carefully, an attempt to now send a school of fish fluttering away at the sudden sound.

MINNIE

Minnie’s cheeks began to glow a burning red and she wasn’t sure how much was showing through the strands of her hair. For once her hair wasn’t up in a bun where it typically lived because of work. Still she could feel the warmth of her cheeks and she wasn’t even touching them.

Her heart was still raising and Minnie could have sworn that it had even picked up more in pace.

She felt like a fidgeting school girl who had this massive crush but didn’t know what to do with it. Her nerves were all tangled and she felt like mush. All of this because of a question that was asked of her, just one simple question. She wasn’t sure how she was not a physical jittery mess on her seat right now, but that wasn’t something the brunette cared for pondering at the moment.

Not that she could’ve even if she tried, her head was literally firing in every single direction. It was a mess.

“I guess that would.” Minnie was still smiling and had she leaned in closer? She felt like she was closer or the carriage had somehow grown smaller in size around her. “I don’t think that would be such a terrible thing.”

MARZEL

Marzel had quickly forgotten about the potential to plunging to his death when he found himself focusing on Minnie. Her eyes seemed to grow in size and he couldn’t help focusing just on her. She drew in his full attention and Marzel had nothing to spare anyone else and he could only be thankful that no one else was here at the current moment.

He would surely be ignoring them if that was the case.

Reaching with his free hand Marzel gently placed it onto her cheek his thumb running across her cheek. “Is this alright?”

MINNIE

Minnie’s heart was beating so loud she wondered if Marzel could hear it. She wondered if the pad of his thumb could feel the deep heat emitting from her cheek. His touch felt so gentle against her skin, soft, welcoming and warm.

It was something she could get used to.

It was something Minnie wanted to get used to. She wanted this, all of this. All the little moments she could share with Marzel no matter how small or simple. She wanted him around, wanted him to hold her or for her to curl herself snuggled against his chest where she could hear the steadiness of his heart beating. All the walks home she wanted her hands in his and she even wanted all those wrinkled faces he made whenever he tasted something sweet.

Truth be told, she has wanted all of it for a while but she always denied it, and when Marzel began dating Adella she had pushed it away even further, suffocating it all down. It felt like everything was busting open now.

And oddly enough, it wasn’t all bunched nerves and skittish energy anymore, she felt calm and at ease. Being with Marzel always felt so comfortable and right.

Minnie’s smile grew softer as she nodded her head. “I’m not opposed to it.”

MARZEL

Marzel hadn’t planned on getting this far, part of him wanted to run far and fast. To not look back and hide. There was part of him that didn’t want this. To attempt to give his heart to another all the while fighting with some of his most basic instincts.

But the thing was there was more to that then when he had first come to Swynlake. His hatred had lessened, his anger had started to mellow. He was around more good humans than bad ones and he didn’t mind being around some of them.

It wasn’t hard with these realizations to lean closer and it wasn’t hard at all for Marzel to set his forehead against her, sharing the air between them with bated breath before he leaned in gently to steal a kiss.

MINNIE

It felt like an eternity, that in-between moment, that small window of time that was probably only a few measly seconds in real time, it still felt like forever. Even if Minnie was perfectly happy right where she was, getting lost in Marzel’s eyes, the space between them almost non-existent.

That was the thing though, she was so wonderfully close, so temptingly close that Minnie was debating just leaning right in. Screw blurred lines, as far as she was concerned, that line was hopped, skipped, jumped right on over already.

But Marzel had beat her to it and when his lips had touched hers, it made every little second of that eternity worth it.

His kiss was tender, gentle, and sweet. It was the kind of the kiss that made butterflies go all wild in one’s stomach and would steal the breath right out of the lungs. It was everything Minnie never even allowed herself the chance to think up because she thought this was something that would never happen.

Minne inched in even closer, her free hand moving so that it gently wrapped itself around the nape of Marzel’s neck. She didn’t care if the ferris wheel was ascending, descending or whatever the hell else, even if it would stop right this very second and show everyone this current scene, she wanted this moment. She figured if everything went to hell in a hand basket after this, she at least wanted this memory to have and keep safely tucked away for herself.

MARZEL

Marzel's hand moved from Minnie's cheek to her chin. It wasnt as if she was going anywhere but that didnt mean that he wanted to let go of this breath of fresh air.

It was silly how much he had fought this very idea. That he had struggled with it. The memories of his knighthood screamed that he was an idiot for wasting time and the memories of his pod and Valentino screamed at him for being an idiot.

He leaned into the former for the time being.

Minnie was gentle as she was kind. Soft as she was patient. Each breath shared between them was a warm summer's breath and he loved each moment.

Pulling away Marzel only had a moment to admire Minnie before the ride stopped at the bottom and voices urged them to usher off. With pink cheeks Marzel stood and offered his hand to Minnie.

MINNIE

Their carriage came to a full stop more suddenly than Minnie had expected, but then again she had stopped paying attention a long time ago. She was actually sort of upset that it had come to an end because that meant that she had to reluctantly pull away from the kiss that she was very happily enjoying.

Minnie let out a brief bubble of a laugh, skin flushed, and a smile glowing on her features as she got up as asked, happily taking Marzel’s offered hand. They stepped out of the carriage, Minnie tucking herself by Marzel’s arm as the pair of them walked away from the vicinity of the ferris wheel.

The brunette knew she could suggest doing something else in the carnival, play like they hadn’t just shared a kiss on top of a ferris wheel, but that wasn’t Minnie now was it?

She needed to say something if not she would get stuck in her own head and well her head space sometimes was not the best place to get stuck in, so Minnie stopped the both of them from walking and turned to look at Marzel. She was still holding his hand, and could suddenly hear the rapid beating of her heart all over again.

“I like you.”

She paused, taking a breath in because she just admitted out loud the one thing she had been suffocated down for so long. “I mean not like a friend, not that you’re a bad friend because you are definitely not a bad friend at all by any means whatsoever.” It was part of the reason she had stood quiet so long she didn’t want to lose Marzel all together because of her feelings.

“But as more than a friend.”

MARZEL

Marzel wasn’t quite sure what words needed to be said, or could be said. He had kissed Minnie and now they were holding hands but that didn’t mean that Marzel wanted to let her go. He held her close to him just incase the crowds wanted to pull them apart.

But he heard her voice and quickly tuned in.

Stopping them close to another food stand Marzel nodded. “I like you too. More than a friend.” Marzel offered gently. “I’m not quite sure what to do with this information though.”

MINNIE

Minnie found herself smiling upon hearing that Marzel had liked her too. In all honesty, she didn’t know what to expect after she had just admitted to her own feelings. She didn’t know what Marzel would end up saying. For all she knew he could have felt the complete opposite of how she felt.

Her chest had been fluttering a mile a minute waiting to find out what he would say.

But now Minnie was glowing as she took a step closer to Marzel and gently squeezed his hand.

“We don’t have to figure that out just yet. We can figure out as we go.”

There wasn’t a need for everything to be rushed in Minnie’s mind. She was more than perfectly content with just being able to have Marzel close and spend time with him.

“But for right now, we can enjoy some more carnival fun?”

#marzelsoto #bdrpmarzel #minzel #on the top of a ferris wheel

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stephhannes · 5 years ago

Text

new year, who dis

what would be the use in becoming a symbol of walking desolation? awash in multiple griefs, elaborating on anguish. even if i never get to see you again, i’ll know that when we collided we both broke each other open.

-mount eerie, love without possession

i guess it’s been four months since i’ve sat down to write an actual blog. i figured i should at least try to get something out before the new year.

i’ve tried to write an update a few times over the last couple of months, but every time i tried to write something, it’s just aggressively sad. like that one st. vincent lyric— i try to write you a love song, but it comes out a lament. and while an aggressively sad tone is appropriate to how i’ve been feeling, i’ve been trying to bring less sad energy to the table. (a surprise to everyone, because sad energy is my entire brand).

I planned to get this blog up by january 1st. and then i kept putting it off. hence why this starts off saying things like, “i guess it’s been four months,” and “i figured i should at least try to get something out before the new year.” today is february 4th, which means it’s officially been a year and a half since nathan died.

in the last few weeks, i’ve been under a lot of stress. i’m juggling three jobs right now, and somehow still don’t make enough money to survive. i’m sure that at this point, i’ve described to you my bona-fide money saving technique. it’s called “i only eat three days a week because it’s too expensive to feed myself every day,” sometimes, i get lucky, and get the scraps from events at work, and that’s literally like the one (1) thing i look forward to.

i’m still out here searching for a salary (and health insurance) and hopefully, by my birthday, i’ll have that. but we’ll see, the job search has been uhhh…..abysmal to say the least.

anyways, in the midst of being stressed, i’ve realized that i really don’t think about nathan all the time like i used to. sometimes i’ll go like two days before i’m reminded of him. the other day, i was like “am i a bad person because of this?” and like, logically, i know that it’s totally normal, but on the other hand, i can’t help but feel guilty because of it sometimes. i feel a sense of responsibility to exist as a reminder of “hey, this person existed, and they mattered,” and while i realize that’s a huge weight to put onto myself, i feel like if i don’t, then who will?

last night, i was reading house of leaves (which, despite owning a copy since high school, i’ve actually never read it before) and i found nathan’s bookmark (a ticket from a baseball game he went to right after he moved to new york) in it, from when i let him take a few of my books when he moved to nyc. i got weirdly emotional and was like “wow what a fun coincidence to find this item of nathan’s that i’ve never seen before in my life on the 1.5 year anniversary of him dying.” i’m not saying i’m superstitious, but maybe i am a little stitious.

+++

since the last time i wrote a blog, i’ve kept notes on my phone every time something happens that i feel holds some sort of importance- so here’s what’s been in my notes since august 4th.

august 24, 2019. 4:17am

when i went into work on august 5th, a coworker of mine asked how i was doing. i was doing alright. the anniversary of nathan’s death really didn’t hit me too hard. i assumed i would have a huge nervous breakdown, and i didn’t.

then my coworker, who’d also lost a partner, told me, “i hate to sound negative and be the one to tell you this but the second year is a lot harder than the first.”

that’s what i’d been reading online for months, but to hear someone say it to my face i was just like… oh shit.

and so far, the second year has been harder.

i’ve officially been out on my own for a month now.

the best part about having depression is that no matter where you are, you still have depression. i don’t know why i was expecting moving to just alleviate all of my sadness when i know that i’ll always find a way to be miserable wherever i am.

it’s nice to be out of abilene and at least have the option of opportunity, but i basically just spend all of my free time asleep or crying.

as the ancient oracle, britney spears, once said- “my loneliness is killing me.”

now that i’ve started getting into a routine, i’m starting to feel that hole in my life again.

i’m on the same schedule that i was when i lived in new york, almost.

when we lived in new york, i would leave for work around 4, i’d get home around 11:30, and then nathan and i would hang out until around 4am, and then go to bed. the next day, he’d usually wake me up at a normal time, (or at least 2 hours before i had to be at work).

and now i have to leave for work around 4:30, i get home around 11, and when i come home i’m just alone. and i lay in bed until i’m finally exhausted enough to fall asleep, usually around 5am. and then i wake up ten minutes before i have to go to work.

i have been feeling this deep, existential sadness for awhile now. every night, i lay in bed and think about all of the conversations i wish i could revisit with nathan. all of the things i wish i’d said. i relive all of my favorite moments of ours. i am still so desperate to feel close to him again.

i cannot remember a time in my life when i was excited to wake up. i cannot remember a time when i looked forward to my future. in fact, when i think about my mental health as a child, the only thing i remember is one time when i was 12, my dad bought me tickets to see my favorite band. i was obviously so incredibly excited, and expressed the human emotion of joy, and my mother accused me of being on drugs because she’d “never seen me act like that before.” it was so surprising to her to see me happy that she literally thought i was on drugs.

i’ve been like this for as long as i can remember, except for the two years that nathan and i were together. i was still so depressed when we lived together, but for the first time, i was looking forward to the future. for the first time, dealing with my depression seemed worth it. for the first time, putting effort into getting better made sense.

for the first time in my life, i didn’t feel alone.

and it took a lot of effort on nathan’s part to make sure that i didn’t feel alone. the loneliness i’ve always felt is like a self-fulfilling prophecy. i actively choose to retreat from friendships and relationships. i stop responding to texts. i hide away and cancel plans. it’s my fault that i feel isolated- because i isolate myself. and nathan refused to let me do that. when i get stressed, i internalize everything and take it all on my own- and nathan would recognize when i was doing that and beg me to let him help. and i wouldn’t let him help. but he would still do it, because he knew what i needed without me asking and would just quietly provide it for me so that i wouldn’t lose my mind. and a lot of the time the help was just him actively sitting me down and reminding me that i’m in fact, not alone. i’ll never forget when i was so stressed after moving to new york because i was so poor, and nathan telling me that “it’ll be okay. we’ll figure it out.” i never asked him for money, or for help, because i have too much pride for that. but even when i was working, i was struggling to make ends meet for myself, and he would sneakily do things like go to the grocery store and be like “oh hey, i was at the store today and just picked up some chicken for you so you don’t have to go yourself.” there were a few times when i asked him to pick up something from the halal cart for me because i didn’t want to get out of bed and i’d be like “there’s cash in my wallet just grab it” but instead of taking the money from my wallet, he’d just get the food for me, and put the change he had leftover in my wallet for me to have.

but even past that, just emotionally, he’d always reassure me that i wasn’t alone. as soon as he started to sense me doing the thing where i try to isolate myself, he’d just cling to me even harder.

here’s the thing: i’m too tired to fight for myself, and i don’t have anyone that’ll fight for me the way that nathan did.

august 29th, 2019. 5:32pm

so here’s the tea: i went on a date for the first time since nathan died. i went out last night, got drunk, got on bumble and agreed to go on a date this morning. so yeah, i was aggressively hungover, which is maybe not the best version of me for someone to meet- but it’s the version i brought to the table nonetheless. and like, it was fine. well, up until the point he was trying to relate to me and my career in theatre and told me that his favorite musical is CATS. his favorite cat is the rum tum tugger, and he can’t wait to see the movie in december.

it’s not going to work out. CATS is an abomination and i refuse to spend time with anyone who disagrees with that statement.

on a more serious note: i realized that i definitely don’t have the emotional capacity to date. i just can’t bring myself to care about anything anyone has to tell me about themselves. you have two sisters, your parents divorced when you were 8 and and you love CATS? zzzzz….sorry, that was me blacking out for 7 minutes.

y’know, i’m unsure about a lot of things in my life. like, don’t try to ask me what i want for dinner because i refuse to make a decision about anything. don’t ask me what my favorite movie is, or my favorite book. i have no idea, dude, sorry. BUT the one thing i have incredible clarity about is what i deserve in a relationship. i had impossibly high standards before nathan and i were together and now they’re even higher- but that’s fine when you don’t have the emotional capacity to deal with scrubs to begin with.

the other day, i found my journal that i kept in college. it starts in august of 2015, with the eulogy i wrote for my dad’s funeral. an excerpt: “despite me acting like an awful teen at times, he always was on my side. i think that’s what i’ll miss the most. i’ll miss having someone who had my back 100%. i’ll miss having someone who was always making sure i was happy…” and after reading that, i realized why my relationship with nathan was so successful. i’ve always heard that “girls always end up marrying someone like their dad” thing, and for the most part always chalked it up to weird patriarchal bullshit, but maybe there’s a little truth in it. because i definitely see some of my favorite things about my dad reflected in my favorite things about nathan.

september 30, 2019. 1:09am

sometimes the saddest things must be sung.

every time i try to write, it’s impossible to say anything that’s not just “i’m sad.” i haven’t been feeling great lately. i just feel trapped in this infinite loop of sadness and it’s so exhausting. i don’t like being like this. nathan would always get so frustrated with me when my depression was really bad, and i’d always be like do you think this is fun for me??? do you think i like being like this??? do you think i wake up and want to be a goblin??? newsflash my dude, i don’t.

here’s the thing: when nathan first died, i was sad all the time. but it made sense. i had a reason to be sad all of the time.

but i’m still sad all of the time. i wake up, i’m sad for 10 hours and then i go to bed. and then i wake up, maybe go to work, come home and be sad until bedtime. it’s a constant loop of sadness and i am so tired.

nothing i do fulfills me. nothing satisfies me. i have neither purpose nor direction. i’m tired. and i’m sad.

october 2nd, 2019. 7:34pm

i went to urgent care today- turns out i don’t have depression, i just have a torn ligament in my ankle.

for context: i fell down the stairs at work the other day, crunched my ankle like it was an empty ozarka water bottle, and just wrecked my shit. i think this injury has me sadness spiraling a lot more than i normally do. now i get why nathan used to get so depressed whenever he’d injure himself.

the first time i got really sick after nathan died, i was so sad. this is my first ever really bad physical injury- i’ve never broken a bone or torn anything before, and i’m really feeling the loss of nathan right now. like how am i supposed to feed myself when i can barely walk to the kitchen? who’s supposed to remind me to take my ibuprofen every few hours?

senior year of college, i kept getting strep, and the only reason i didn’t die is because every 12 hours nathan would call me to make sure i took my antibiotics, even when i had to take them at 2am. i only have two voicemails from him saved on my phone and literally one of them is from 3am and he’s like “hello wake up, your penicillin is calling, i’m gonna keep calling you until you wake up.”

even though spraining my ankle was a nightmare, it could’ve been worse. just think, if i was a framing device in an emily bronte novel, i would have just had to live at work for five weeks until it healed.

october 11th, 2019. 5:37pm

i haven’t been sleeping lately, and last night i fell asleep around 6am. the cold front had just blown in and it was raining and i finally fell asleep. before i went to bed, i cracked my windows open for the first time this year and when i woke up this morning it was chilly in my room. i woke up in a little cocoon of all of my blankets and pillows and for a moment, before i completely opened my eyes, it felt like i was back in new york, waking up with nathan on a fall wednesday morning. it’s the little things.

october 25th, 2019. 2:19am

i keep thinking about all the things that have returned to me. all of the things that i gave to nathan that are back in my possession, tucked away in my room. like the grey ut shirt that was 3 sizes too big for me- so i gave it to him as a christmas present our first year together. he had been in new york for a semester, and he surprised me by coming to austin for new year’s- we hadn’t talked about christmas gifts or anything, but we ended up giving each other almost the exact same gift. he had gotten me a columbia sweater, and he slept in it for a few days before giving it to me, so it smelled like him. i did the exact same thing with that grey shirt. we couldn’t stop laughing when we exchanged the gifts because we were so amused that we’d gotten the same thing for each other.

after he died, that shirt was one of the few that i kept of his, he slept in it all the time when we lived together. it still smells like him.

i don’t wear my rings anymore, but when i see them in the bottom of my jewelry box, i think about the day that i gave him the engagement ring. he was so afraid of me saying no if he were to propose to me, so i told him that when i knew i’d say yes- i’d give him the ring i wanted him to use. on our first anniversary, i was visiting him in new york, right before i flew back to texas, i left a letter on his desk, with the ring attached. it returned to me a year after that, on our second anniversary when he proposed.

the day after nathan died, i went through all of his stuff. mostly because i knew i was about to fly back to texas and i didn’t know when i’d return to our apartment, so i wanted to collect all of his important documents that i didn’t want to lose. social security card, IDs, cards, passport, etc. but when i was digging through his backpack, i found a folder, where he’d kept all of the letters and cards i’d given to him throughout the years.

my personal favorite was an envelope that had two things in it: a sample size of the perfume that i’ve always worn, and a letter that just said “for when you miss me.” i gave that to him before we were even together. it was during that weird ambiguous era of our relationship where we were too afraid to commit, but were definitely in too deep to not commit. every time i would leave his apartment, he’d comment on how his pillows smelled like me, and how he missed me- right after he made his decision to go to columbia, we assumed we would never see each other again, so i gave him that letter.

i was surprised to see all of those letters because that meant that he moved them from his apartment in abilene, to new york, to our apartment in new york, back to texas, and then to philly.

so in turn, i moved them from philly, back to abilene, and now they’re with me in a box in austin.

and i hope that one day all of the love that i gave to nathan will return to me.

november 4th, 2019. 12:31am

in the deepest, blackest night of despair if you can get just one pinhole of light, all of grace rushes in.

november 19th, 2019. 2:20am

i’ve started taking up space again.

december 20th, 2019. 1:41pm

y’know, i’ve been doing pretty well for myself lately, and by that i mean that i haven’t had any major meltdowns. well, except for a couple of days ago. it was a christmas party, and as we all know- i’m not great at being social. but i also never turn down an invitation, which is a strange combination of things that happen to exist at the core of my being. but luckily, i got a plus one. see, with a plus one, i have a buffer there. i can bring one of my more interesting friends to carry conversations for me and then by proxy i become more able to socialize because i have to expend less energy by having that buffer there. anyways the person i was bringing as my plus one cancelled two hours before the event which meant that i had no time to try to get someone else to come with me. and this threw me into a major breakdown. i didn’t even want to go to the party at this point, but i had spent so much money on an outfit that if i didn’t go i would have wasted like 60 dollars. and i sat there trying to put makeup on to go but i kept crying and ruining it and then i chugged three white claws before even showing up at the party and i didn’t eat beforehand because there was supposed to be food there but by the time i was done crying and arrived, there was nothing left and then i drank 5 glasses of wine because it was free and i have social anxiety, and somehow i made it through the night without making a fool of myself, which is a miracle.

the thing is, i really don’t get upset about a lot of things. but if someone cancels or changes plans on me, especially plans that we’d had set for at least a month in advance, i lose my god damn mind. there is historically nothing that upsets me more.

but this time around, i realized that it really hurt me because it was the first time that i was confronted with the fact that i no longer have anyone in my life that prioritizes me. like, if nathan was begrudgingly my plus one to an event, he can’t get out of it- it’s non-negotiable. but like, i don’t hold that level of importance in anyone else’s life- there’s always something more important to them and uhhhhh that feeling sucks.

+++

and that was the last note i wrote in 2019. which brings us to january 2020. when i think about my relationship with nathan, i feel like january always ended up being a special month for us. in 2016, january was the first time i ever spent the night with nathan. in 2017, nathan came back to texas to see me for the new year, after we’d been long-distance for five months. at the end of 2017, he went out of town for like three weeks, and i was miserable and all alone for the holidays, but in january 2018, his last day of vacation back home in abilene coincided with my first day of vacation back in abilene so we got to see each other for a little bit instead of having to go an entire month apart during the holidays.

so i always end up getting weird and do a lot of reminiscing in january- but i feel like that’s kind of universal.

like the #1 thing that everyone does is get all existential and contemplative when the new year hits.

+++

in 2018, i never stopped moving. like a shark, i would have died if i stayed in one place for too long. and there i was in 2019, finally staying in one place.

it was a lot easier to ask for help when i had a reason to be sad. but now enough time has passed since nathan died that i feel like a burden when i’m not doing well.

in my blog post wrapping up 2018, i said that my goal was to be kinder to myself. i also said that 2019 was going to be for starting a new life.

and while i’ve been no kinder to myself, at least i’ve made strides in living in this new phase of my life. in 2019 i moved out of my mother’s house, and back into my best friend’s apartment in austin. i got 3 jobs. i cut off all of my hair and pierced my nose. i started taking up space again.

a few weeks ago, a coworker of mine told me that she had also lost a partner before. but what stuck with me was when she said, “you will never be the same. you’ll be happy again, and you’ll fall in love again- but you’ll never be the same person again”

and i’m realizing how true that is.

i think one of the scariest scenarios is waking up one day and not remembering who you are. and that’s exactly what happened to me in 2018. i woke up one day without nathan and couldn’t remember who i was.

one thing everyone’s been talking about lately is how this is the end of the decade, and i realized that nathan was in my life for the entire decade. he was in my life before the decade even started. and then when he died, i lost such a huge part of my identity. there’s a bear’s den lyric that’s like “i don’t want to know who i am without you,” and that’s what 2019 was for me.

kintsugi is the japanese art of fixing broken pottery by mending the areas of breakage with a lacquer mixed with powdered gold. i’ve always been a vase held by shaky hands, constantly on the precipice of shattering- and in 2018 i was dropped. in 2019, i’ve been finding tiny pieces of myself and trying to piece them back together to form a whole person again.

recently, i’ve been realizing all of the little pieces of me that are missing. like the part of me that used to be good at holding conversations with people. and the part of me that had the ability to be a person for more than like 3 hours a day. and the part of me that showed excitement about things. i don’t even know what things excite me anymore? do i have interests or hobbies? not really. one time, i described myself as a robot that powers off if i am not at work, and wow, what an apt description.

the other day, one of my friends called me out about how she can never tell if i’m actually excited about something or not. my language is always very vague and even when i’m really stoked about something, i rarely show excitement about it.

+++

so now it’s february 2020. it’s been a year and a half since nathan died. i’m feeling better. the other day, i came to the realization that i think my emotions have finally leveled off. i’m back to my normal amount of unstable, rather than that really virulent level that i was at for awhile at the end of last year. it feels good to finally have a little bit of control back over my life. i’ve finally really settled in at work, and i’m starting to feel more confident in my capabilities.

so what are my goals for 2020? i think the biggest thing is to find something that i care about. honestly, probably a big part of the reason why i’ve been having such a hard time finding a Big Girl Job to settle into is because there’s just nothing that i’m 100% passionate about. it’s hard for me to find an answer other than “i’m just trying to not die,” whenever i get asked “so why do you want this job?” i really want to find lasting stability this year. i’m tired of not being able to enjoy anything because i don’t have money. whoever said money can’t buy happiness obviously was never poor because let me tell you, i’d be a lot happier if i could afford to go out with my friends more often. or if i could like…….eat 3 meals a day without feeling guilty for wasting food because i know i can live on just one meal a day.

i also started doing a skincare routine that involves like 4 different serums and i’ve been doing really well keeping up with doing it twice a day and if i could carry that energy through the rest of the year that’d be dope. i would make a comment about how i’ve been going to the gym every day and how i’m trying to have a 2020 glo-up but i was going to the gym every day for awhile but i haven’t been in like two weeks.

also my chemical romance just reunited so i guess my other 2020 goal is to see them on this reunion tour.

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thisdiscontentedwinter · 6 years ago

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Stella and the Wolf - Chapter 27. Final Chapter.

You can read it here on AO3, or find the Tumblr Chapter Index here.

For everyone who’s stuck with it to the end, thanks for reading!

Things settle, in the end.

Crazy Kate Argent and her crazy father are the subject of gossip at first, but then it fades. There are other small town scandals that take their place. Gossip is seasonal, cyclical. By the time Stiles gets his sling off, people have stopped asking him what happened the night he got shot.

Peter’s reappearance is the talk of Beacon Hills for a little while. Amazing, what a lengthy stint in a foreign rehabilitation facility and the world’s best plastic surgeons can do. You’d never even know he’d been in a fire.

Even the most dedicated town gossips don’t connect the Hales and the Argents, because why would they?

By the time the school year ends, life in Beacon Hills has returned to normal.

Well, the new normal, which for Stiles includes werewolves and banshees, and dating the Alpha of the Hale pack while trying to pretend to his dad that they’re still just friends. Dad knows better, of course. He presents Stiles with a pack of condoms the week before his seventeenth birthday, “Because god only knows you won’t wait until you’re eighteen.”

It’s a fair point.

It takes a while, but Stiles and Scott repair their friendship, on the unspoken proviso that they don’t talk about werewolf stuff. Scott is still frustrating. He doesn’t want to join Derek’s pack officially, even though it’s his bond with the Hales that’s keeping him from turning into a feral omega.

“It’s just… Allison doesn’t know about any of this stuff,” he says. “I just want to be normal.”

Jackson rolls his eyes. “You’re an idiot, McCall.”

It’s also a fair point.

“It’s Beacon Hills, Scotty,” Stiles says. “She’s not blind. She’ll figure it out sooner or later, you know.”

“Yeah.” Scott’s brow creases. “But, just for now… I want to be normal.”

Stiles feels a tightness in his chest at the longing expression on Scott’s face.

But you’re not, he wants to say. And the more you try to ignore it, the harder it gets for you. And it might be the truth, and they might both know it, but Stiles can’t be the one who says it aloud. He only nods, and watches as Scott walks away.

“I can’t wait to see how this is going to come back and kick him in the ass,” Jackson says.

“That’s my friend you’re talking about,” Stiles reminds him.

Jackson snorts. “So?”

Jackson’s still pretty much an asshole—getting the bite and joining the Hale pack, well, rejoiningthe Hale pack, didn’t magically imbue him with humility or anything—so some things never change.

***

Things settle.

Stella clings to Dad like a barnacle, and Stiles is hurt by that for a while. He feels a little like he’s been replaced or something, because he’s always straddled this strange line between being her brother and being her caregiver, and now it’s like she’s trying to cut him off from one. She wants Dad to tuck her in at night and read to her, and she gets huffy when he tells her to do her homework, and when she falls off her bike and scrapes her knee one afternoon, she refuses to let him put Band-Aids on it.

“Stiles,” she says. “I can do it!” And then she closes the bathroom door in his face.

“Kid,” Dad tells him when he gets home that night, “she saw you stuck in my cruiser, and she saw you with a gun in your face, and then she saw you in the hospital after you got shot. She’s seen, literally, that you’re not bulletproof. She’s seen that you’re just a kid too, and it’s scared her.”

“She doesn’t think I can protect her,” Stiles says numbly.

“No,” Dad tells him. “She just thinks it’s her job to protect you as much as it’s yours to protect her. She’s adjusting, Stiles. Give her some time.”

Things settle.

***

Stiles and Derek are taking things slow, because that’s the smart thing to do, right? Stiles is barely seventeen, and Derek isn’t, and their lives got thrown together in a series of traumatic events, and taking it slow is the smart thing to do.

Stiles knows that.

It’s just that sometimes when he looks at Derek he feels like he’s holding a secret inside him that just wants to burst free.

Because when he looks at Derek, he imagines a whole lifetime with him, spooling out in front of them like a piece of thread, and Stiles can’t imagine ever wanting to be with anyone else. It calms something inside Stiles that he didn’t even realize was so unsettled. He’s happy. It’s such a scant word to encompass everything he’s feeling, but that’s what it is. He’s happy. He loves Derek, and he’s happy.

They’re taking it slow, so Stiles doesn’t say it yet. But also, maybe it doesn’t need to be said?

Because he gets the feeling, when Derek looks back at him with that soft smile of his, that he’s thinking the exact same thing.

***

Stiles and Stella are grocery shopping one Saturday morning when they run into Chris and Victoria Argent doing the same. Stiles is thrown for a moment. Like of course hunters need groceries too, but meeting them in front of the dairy case is still kind of unexpected.

“Stiles,” Chris says. “Stella. How are you doing?”

Stella sneaks some chocolate pudding into the cart while Stiles isn’t watching closely enough.

“Good,” Stiles says, and wishes it didn’t sound so much like a question. “Um, you?”

“Good,” Chris says.

Victoria looks as cold as the yogurt.

“Not so bad,” Chris says. “Listen, have Derek give me a call, okay? It’s time we made an official treaty with the Alpha of Beacon Hills.”

“Oh, okay,” Stiles says. “I’ll let him know.”

Chris and Victoria move on, one wobbly wheel on their cart squeaking.

Stiles exchanges a look with Stella.

Stella shrugs and dumps some more pudding in the cart.

***

Stiles has good days and bad days. So does everyone; Derek, Peter, Dad, and Stella. Even Lydia and Jackson sometimes go too quiet, too still, and Stiles knows they’re thinking about that night Gerard threatened them. It’s…it’s not a small thing to have a gun shoved in your face by someone who fully intends to pull the trigger.

Sometimes Stiles wakes up from a nightmare, his breath sucked out of him, and it takes him a while to remember that he’s fine now, that he’s okay, that Kate is dead and Gerard is in jail.

And sometimes Stella wakes up screaming, thinking she’s seeing Peter burn to death all over again. By the time Stiles stumbles into her room Dad is usually already there, rocking her back and forth as she hugs him tightly, making soft shushing noises to calm her down.

It’s mostly good though.

Peter and Derek have moved into a loft downtown. Stiles and Stella were not happy about that—for very different reasons—but Dad muttered something about not running a halfway house for goddamn werewolves, which is fair. Stiles and Stella go there most afternoons after school anyway. Stella and Peter are working their way through all the Roald Dahl books. Stella reads them aloud while Peter listens avidly.

“I think he misses it,” Derek murmurs one afternoon, drawing Stiles up the stairs to his bedroom where they can make out in private for a while. “Not the coma, but having her voice be this one bright part of it, you know? And kids, too. He misses having kids around all the time.”

Jackson and Lydia are frequent visitors to the loft as well. Stiles has no idea what Peter has told Jackson about his past, but Jackson is a lot more settled these days. His relationship with Peter can be a little snarky, a little barbed, but then, the apple didn’t fall far from the sarcastic tree, did it?

And Stiles finally gets a look at the amazing Werewolf for Dummies book.

It’s totally in Latin.

Fuck. Now he needs to learn Latin, because Google translate is not as helpful as it pretends to be.

So that’s a project for his vacation, he guesses.

On the Friday afternoon that school ends, Stiles heads home, dumps his backpack on the floor, and listens to Stella regale him about all her plans for her vacation.

“Did you feed Matilda?” he asks her, because the kitten’s mewling like he’s going to starve to death if he doesn’t get nourishment now.

Stella hurries off to give him some food.

“And change his litter!” Stiles calls after her. His phone buzzes, and he checks it. It’s a text from Derek: Peter says we’re going to pick up pizzas. Be ready at 6?

Stiles sighs. Really? Like they all need to go? But he texts back a quick OK. Then he checks to see that Stella is feeding Matilda like she said, throws some laundry in the washing machine, and kills time playing some dumb game on his phone for a while.

At just past six, Peter pulls into the driveway in his ridiculously expensive silver Mercedes-Benz GLS.

“Stella! Peter’s here!”

Stella bounces out the front door, leaving Stiles to close and lock it.

When he gets to the car, Jackson is climbing out the front passenger seat. “Peter says Stella gets to ride shotgun.”

Of course he does.

Stiles rolls his eyes and gets in the back.

All the way in the back, which is where Derek’s sitting, looking slightly harried and suspicious, the way he often does when Peter is in charge of any group activity.

Lydia turns around in her seat and clicks her tongue at him. “Plaid, Stiles, really? On a Friday night?”

“We’re going to get pizzas,” he tells her. “Not to the Met Gala.”

***

An hour later, listening to the audiobook of Matilda, Stiles jabs Derek in the ribs. “Hey, Der? We are going to get pizza, aren’t we? Because we’ve been driving for a while.”

Derek sighs.

***

Stella is snuffling in her sleep in the front of the car as they head down the highway.

Lydia and Jackson are curled up together in the middle seats.

Stiles is leaning against Derek in the back, their clasped hands on his thigh, watching the way their fingers twine together as the lights on the highway flash past.

The audiobook cuts out as a call comes in on Peter’s phone.

“Ah,” Peter says. “John, how are you?”

“Peter, where are you?” Dad asks. “And where are my kids?”

“Where are we?” Peter smirks at Stiles in the rearview. “We’re about halfway to Disneyland. See you in four days!”

Stiles turns his head and laughs quietly into Derek’s shoulder, and Derek squeezes his hand.

#Stella and the Wolf #sterek #my fics #discontentedwinter

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crow-songs · 6 years ago

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What No One Tells you....

…..about losing weight and getting Healthy.

Alright, so one of my rare ranting moments, what you’re not warned about when you start getting healthy or losing weight for your own health.

1. Buying Clothing for yourself, is a pain in the ass!

~If you live on your own, pay your own bills, pay for your own groceries etc…You also know the pain of buying clothing. Now, for me, I get to see both sides of the scale. I get to see my Partner, who happens to be much smaller (weight-wise) than I am, and then you have my big fluffy ass. Where my partner can get a cheap tank if they need, I have to spend almost $20 to get one that actually fits me without riding up the belly or being defeated by the BOOBS of DOOM! Even my partner has commented on how drastic the price differences are for clothing. Now imagine, you are losing weight, no longer do you fit the ‘fat girl’ clothing well without looking like a 50 year old stereotype aged soccer mom, and I am too big to fit into what is considered regular clothing. (And I will be ranting about that later because ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?) So you either have to cough up the big bucks for clothing that you know you’ll not be able to wear in a few months and will be trying to donate to a place that will actually give clothing to people in need, or you end up looking like that 50 year old person who doesn’t care about being 'fashion forward’. Now this second style most would say “But hey, at least you’re comfy!”. Like, yea, that would be awesome! I get to lose weight and be super comfy, yay! But NO! That is not the case. Half the day you’re pulling your pants up afraid that you’re going to moon someone because there are 'no’ pants that fit you right after that first single time! you’re shirts are so baggy that they get caught on doorknobs, tangled in the fat on your arms, or boobs and at worst, get tangled in that said boob when all three things happen all at once when you are carrying all those groceries on the bus because cars are expensive dammit, and suddenly your shirt is pulled down so far that this 'comfy’ piece of clothing is exposing you. But the worst part, is how it makes you feel. I mean, I am trying to get healthy, and finally be comfortable in my skin, not because of media, but because being fat is exhausting thank you. Those loose pieces of clothes that you have to pay an arm and a leg for, make you feel…well…awkward. More so that you already feel. I hate it. I’m trying to lose weight for my health and self esteem (Don’t get me wrong, I am damn fabulous and I know it) but I want to look down and see my damn toes. The price and self image that the clothing brings, does not help.

2. People are MEAN when you’re trying to get healthy!

~Holly crackers are being just mean! I cannot tell you how many times I have been shamed for what I am trying to do! But here’s the kicker, it ain’t the skinny ones being this mean, it’s girls (not many guys care or ask questions about it) that are my size or larger. Now, here’s a story of when I first started losing weight.

(Little background here, I use to be a cashier at a USA Chain store and I was good at my job, this is a conversation between me an a woman who was the same size as me)

————–

Me: “Hi! Thanks for shopping with us did you find everything today?” *Starts scanning her items and bagging*

Customer: “I did thank you.”

Me: “So, how’s your day been today?” (Now for this, I always use my genuine voice because you know what, everyone needs someone to just talk too)

Customer: “It’s ok…..Wait, I’ve seen you here before, you look different.”

Me: *All happy proud that someone other than my epic Partner sees my hard work* “Yeah! I’ve lost about 55lbs in about 3 months! I’ve been trying to get healthier!”

Customer: “Oh that’s good. What diet are you on, or did you…..”*pauses to lean in and whisper*“Did you get that surgery thing. I’ve been thinking about that too so no need to be ashamed.”*insert sly smile*

Me:*Stands there blinking a moment before giving that awkward laugh you give when you just don’t know what to say* “Ah, actually no diet per say, and I am waaay to poor for surgery of any kind. No, I actually cut out dairy finally since I’m actually allergic to it, and cut gluten out of my diet because my partner is highly allergic and I figured why not do so in solidarity. I love my meats so you know not too brutal. And I’ve been doing some basic exercises like walking and little 5lb weights that we sell here. It’s been amazing and I actually feel like I can do things without falling over dead!”

**mind you, I am stilllll scanning the overflowing cart of stuff this woman has and she is not unloading it at all, so I am having to hop lean over my counter to reach her items**

Customer: *Pauses with this surprised look before her lip literally curls and she gives me the most disgusted look ever* You know how unhealthy it is to starve yourself!

Me: *actually goes still to being confused* What?

Customer: I mean you should have better self esteem in how you look and love your body no matter what people tell you! Starving yourself is not the answer! *starts to go on rant about media and about how I’m some dumb child falling for this and how I probably cut and how I’m not 'that’ over weight and make up can fix my face.*

Me:*stares at this now labeled crazy bitch getting annoyed* Ma'am…I’m 23…I am doing this for my health, I can still down a whole chicken by myself if I wanted, but I am trying to portion my food. *Holds out receipt as she swiped her card while ranting loud enough that all cashiers are now staring* Have a good day.

———-

I mean are you kidding me!? I have bee actively shamed more since I have been working to try and get healthy more than once! One woman had the guts to tell me that losing weight is for whores and I was just going to be a target for rape if I did this. I have been called stupid, worthless and informed how ugly I am. WHAT THE SEVEN HELLS IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!!!????

By the way, that conversation actually took place almost over a year before the gluten free diets started to gain some fame/attention.

3. The Assumption that Working out is dangerous/I don’t know what working out is.

~I cannot count the amount of times I have been lectured and talked down too when I mention that I need to work out more or am trying to work out. People people people…I am not stupid. Yes I know how to lift weights, yes I loooove punching bags, yes I know how to run and yes I know how to swim and do sit ups. The surprise you get from people is insane. What people assume is that you have never been active your entire life, and you eat like a damn pig. No, that isn’t always the reason someone is over weight. When i was a kid, I was active, I played softball, I was into multiple forms of martial arts including MMA (thanks to my dad), running, climbing etc. I was like this till about 13-14 years old. That is when depression, stress, loneliness and lack of support entered my life. That and my genetics and a knee surgery I had when I was 16-17, yeah I got damn fat! But I’m not stupid! My Gods!

4. Depression is the biggest Bitch ever.

~I won’t lie, my biggest demon, is depression. even when losing weight, when you have sooo many telling you how horrible you are for trying to lose weight or for doing it, even that one person (for me my partner) who is supporting you…..sometimes it isn’t enough. You watch your body change, going down and then ballooning back up and then back down and put that on repeat. It’s hard. When you have a 40 hrs + job, the world around you is literally falling apart, knowing that going outside can get you killed and worse, when you look at your bills and you feel like there is no end, when you look at your life and you know, you know this is not what you wanted to do with it, or what you are capable of doing…..damn it gets hard. It’s hard to keep that motivation to be healthy. Real Healthy I mean. For years I convinced myself that 'my’ method was the best, that how I was eating would do my body well. I was never told that fat girls could have an eating disorder. And than I realized what I was doing. I was doing a different kind of binge and purge. I would take 1 week and just massively over eat, to the point that I would vomit on my own without any finger, and then for 2 weeks, I just wouldn’t eat anything. I would drink water or for a while, soda….maybe have a bag of chips….but nothing else. For 2 damn weeks. I never felt faint, dizzy, dazed. I only felt tired, still massively depressed and my weight would bounce that a stupid bouncy ball in a locked room. Later, through my own studying as during the years of going to a doctor (And more than once ulcer later) I had always been told I was surprisingly healthy and active for my age (I CALL BULLSHIT), I realized the reason I didn’t feel this, was because my body was eating itself and I’ve got/had the stores to eat where these sessions while unhealthy, wouldn’t trigger my brain. People assume that working out, getting healthy and changing your lifestyle, changes that. But to be honest, YOU CAN BE DOING IT ALL RIGHT AND STILL BE DEPRESSED! I feel the need to shout that from the roof tops sometimes! Even if you have the best support system, sometimes, you still feel very much alone in your situation. And there is no reason you or anyone should be feeling guilty about this.

Alright, there is my rant, I could likely add more, but in this moment, I don’t want too. For any who read, thank you for reading, and know, You CAN do this. What is healthy for one person, doesn’t mean it’s healthy for you (This is coming from the person that is actually allergic to the entire mustard family when it comes to greens) and above all, you’re worth getting healthy, physically and mentally. You can want to lose weight, all while loving yourself.

Here are two links for people going through this in my opinion that might help:

https://www.torrid.com/homepage ~~A great place for clothing that frequently has some damn good sales and does focus on how it fits your body.

https://www.udemy.com/ ~~This might we odd, but classes help. Whether it’s in art for self therapy or self expression, or nutrition classes. They do have sales (Their current black Friday/Cyber Monday sale of epicness)

Alright everyone, have a wonderful, and a life that you can be proud of.

#weight #rant #health #losing weight #opinions #I repeat this is a personal rant and I know it doesn't apply to everyone #fat #Bitch I am beautiful now I want to be healthy #Entry1

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okaywowcool · 6 years ago

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hey guys! back again for another monthly favorites post, this time for july! read below the cut to hear some of my favorite clothing pieces, new shops, trends, and makeup and skincare items that i’ve used in this past month!

you can also check out this link to read through my past faves!

CURRENT FAVE PERSONAL PIECES

Plus Size Grid Print Overall Mini Dress - $24.90, available in 0X - 3XL

Not too long ago I picked up a few pieces from F21 (mostly out of a Strong fear that they would be going out of stock in the near future, lol) and this was one of them. The zipper feels sturdy with the metal they used (I was worried, since this runs slightly bodycon on a non-padded, average curvy body (if you’ve not read about how plus-sized models are commonly padded out to get the “ideal” shape or “ideal” fat distribution, check out this article here by Refinery29.) and the zipper is the functional closure of the dress. The dress has zero stretch, so I was a little concerned about something flimsy that I felt like would break eventually, but so far so good. I’ve worn it with a super cute beatnik type get up out to lunch and errands with my girlfriend (black turtleneck sweater, beret, and chunky black sandals) and felt super cute, but still a little self conscious just since the more bodycon silhouette is something I’m still not super confident in wearing, which is something I’m trying to get better about. So a big recommend! I’m a size 22/24 and got a size 3XL and thought that was perfect, not too tight, but still hugging my curves in a cute way.

Plus Size Grid Print Tie-front Shirt - $19.90, available in 0X - 3XL

I have a serious problem finding button ups that are cute on me...I have a fairly large bust but smaller shoulders and it’s hard to find something plus-sized that isn’t either totally oversized and weird looking on me fit wise, or so tight there’s massive gapping between the buttons at the biggest part of my bust. But this button up really works for me. I’m not sure if it’s the slightly relaxed cut or the fact that it’s a crop, but it’s absolutely perfect...it’s rare you buy something online and it fits exactly the same on you as it does on the model, but this did and I was so impressed! This is definitely going to be a new staple in my wardrobe, as soon as it’s not too hot to commit to long sleeves.

I ordered a few more things that I haven’t had much of a chance to style/wear yet, but everything worked this go round which is pretty rare...this was very much me that day:

Surgeon General’s Dress - $35, available in XS - 5XL

I’ve been wearing a lot of my own stuff here lately, mainly because it’s so easy to throw on and and still be bold enough for it to feel like a Look, while totally keeping me cool. This dress’s print looks super bold from a distance, but y’all would be surprised to see how long it takes people in an office setting to actually find out what the print is of, since it’s so blown up it can read as abstract. The fabrication is also really good at keeping you out of the hot hot hot hell zone, and is super cute with a breezy sheer cardigan thrown on over it!

FAVE NEW SHOPS

Avocado Bag, $40

I want to own pretty much everything in this entire store since I found out it existed just a few weeks ago, and if I didn’t have some self restraint I would have preordered at least 3 bags from here so far. Miju Miju is a cute shop full of bags that were originally intended for use as cute, unique ita bags, but they’re also totally cute to use to display your pin collection, or even just leave plain with the empty clear window showing the cute pop of lining color. The fact that they’re convertible from a crossbody purse to a backpack also makes them a literal dream for me, since that’s pretty much the only kind of bag I like to carry. They also have a discount code running right now for the preorder, you can use BOW7 to get $7 off one of these bad boys! I know I want the avocado, egg, and pink coffin ones all sooooo bad.

Pastel Rainbow Shooting Star Necklace - $60

Petey Hana is an etsy shop with a lot of super cute hand painted jewelry, perfect for all kinds of kawaii fashion styles and also just bold statement pieces. I’m so in love with the obviously hand made look, especially with ceramic and polymer clay jewelry, because it just feels like there’s extra love put into it. Combine that with all the bright colors and I’m just in love with this whole shop!

Strawberry Milk Cocktail Knit Sweater - $31

I’m not sure why it took me so long to realize that the Ester Loves You collab “Ester loves Chuu” was referring to a shop’s name and not just the cute Japanese kissing sound effect....but it took me until doing that cute request for rabbit purses recently for me to figure out that Chuu was indeed, a store. This shop is adorable and has lots of unique styles in it for super affordable prices. I can’t fit into any of it myself really BUT it’s still been a big inspiration to look at their photography and see how they’re styling their pieces!

Walk the Line Striped Dress - $78, available in US size 10 - 30

I wanted to use this cute image from Fat Girl Flow, since it was Corissa’s IG where I first saw this shop as well AND because it’s so helpful to see products on non-models. Soncy is a really cute really incredible shop. Y’all know I’m not the biggest fan of the whole Fashion Nova curve look, it just never has felt very “me,” even though it’s a staple for many other plus-sized bloggers/influencers. Soncy feels like Fashion Nova’s classy older sister who has her own very successful etsy business selling fancy leather goods--which is not at all a bad vibe...one part hippie, one part mature, and one part sexy. Still a similar style, but there’s not as much emphasis on the whole Kylie Jenner booty body-con everywhere look, and things just look higher quality...they’re more expensive, but everything in the shop is available in sizes 10 - 30 and everything is miraculously under $100, which is just awesome.

FAVE JULY SILHOUETTES

Pier Pursuits Cropped Jumpsuit - $64.99, available in XXS - 4XL

Right now, one of the silhouettes I’m obsessed with is super wide leg jumpsuits. This one was really the first one that sparked the intense love for me, the proportions are so unique and perfect and I love that these jumpsuits are starting to show more traditional dress like necklines...this one from ASOS curve does a similar thing which I really adore.

Front Twist Flutter Sleeve Tee - $9, 0X - 3XL

Twist front crop tees (even the ones that are just from twisting a not in a normal tee!) are just such a look for me right now. There’s something very nostalgic about them, almost like how when tying jackets around the waist was coming back as a styling choice when 90s nostalgia started going strong, that makes me just super happy and it’s a natural type of ruching that is really attractive without looking kind of dated and old. It just looks good on everyone, truly.

PRINTS & COLORS

Fluted Sleeve Mini Dress in Ditsy Floral - $51 // Infusion Cut Out Bralette in Vintage Floral - $52 // Ditsy Floral Ruffle Jumpsuit - $40

There’s something so nice and vintage feeling about a ditsy floral print, and I’ve been wanting to create some of my own patterns that mimic this feel for a while but still haven’t quite gotten around to it. It’s just such a nice subtle way to wear florals, a print that I tend to be really picky about since they can go ugly fairly easily or run the risk of looking dated or matronly depending (and I mean dated like...2008 versus a nice vintage feel) but ditsy florals just always look so cute and nice, too subtle to ever really be offensive and easy to transition from season to season.

Daisy Street Cami with Peplum - $24 // True Stripes A-Line Skirt - $38 // Miss Selfridge Pinafore Dress - $56

i’m also just really feeling chambray this month, especially with a subtle white pinstripe. aside from chambray just feeling really lovely to the touch (bc i’m all about those textures y’all) it’s such a lovely soft approach to denim that feels so airy and perfect for summer.

MAKEUP/SKINCARE

LIPHOP Ombre Lip Balm - $2.59

I bought this little lip balm for real cheap off of aliexpress a while ago, in quite a few shades since it was so cheap. I’ve found that the darker shades are by far my favorite, though they don’t look quite as dark on me as they do in the photos. It’s very similar to just putting on a little chapstick--these just add a natural little pop of color for a fresh bitten look to the center of your lips while hydrating them overall. I like that it gives that popsicle stain look without the matte feel of some similar products, like Glossier’s Generation G and Colourpop’s Blotted Lip, or the actual commitment of doing a proper ombre lip look.

Bliss Makeup Melt Jelly Cleanser - $12

This one is actually not one I’ve gotten to try yet (it’s sitting in my cart to be purchased as soon as my current cleanser runs out) but I wanted to include it on this list anyway because I’ve been wanting to try it for a while now. It’s supposed to be a really good dupe for Glossier’s Milky Jelly Cleanser, but has a smaller price tag ($12, vs Glossier’s $18) as well as coming with more product (6.4oz vs Glossier’s 6oz). Last winter I was looking for a good cleanser that wouldn’t dry me out quite as much as my current one does. I’m currently using Tony Moly’s Peach Foam Cleanser, which I think is really lovely in a lot of ways--the foaming is fun, the smell is amazing, and it does really make you feel clean, but it dries my skin out sooooo much right now, even in the summer where I have a little more oil. It claimed to be moisturizing and gentle but I guess my skin is still just too wimpy to take it, and I’ve been looking for a change. This dupe is also rose scented, which I’m super excited about--I’ll be sure to tell you all how it is!

so that’s it for july! look forward to seeing some of my highlights for august next month and feel free to let me know if there are any other categories you’d like me to add each month! <3

#plus size fashion #plus size blogger #psblogger #july favorites #monthly favorites #fashion #july #kawaii #pastel #long post

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zoemurph · 7 years ago

Text

dewey decimals

on ao3

i was doing a close reading assignment the other night and i started thinking about connor as an english major and then i started thinking about connor as a librarian and now im here

enjoy this and also my opinions on wuthering heights

Connor loves books.

He does, no matter what look Larry gives him whenever he locks himself in his room to read for a few hours. Larry probably thinks he’s getting high. Okay yes, sometimes he’s just getting high. But he also reads.

It’s cliche as fuck, but books are the best friends Connor’s got. They can’t hate him or judge him or abandon him. They’re just there. Plus it’s pretty morbid to sometimes think about how they’re insights to the minds of people who are dead.

So yeah, Connor likes books. He likes classics and gothic novels and young adult lit and middle grade books. He doesn’t really get book snobs, because there are shitty books in every genre. He tries to give all books a try.

Except Twilight. Zoe went through a Twilight phase. Fuck Twilight.

Loving books means that he should probably like his job more than he does. But he doesn’t love it. Because being a part time librarian is boring as shit.

All Connor has gotten from this experience is minimum wage and the ability to alphabetize things relatively fast.

Libraries are not active places. They just sort of exist. If Connor were anything like his father — and the day they become alike at all is the day he jumps out a window — he would say that libraries were dying because everyone was too focused on technology these days or something. Which is partially true, but the local library also…sucks.

They don’t get new books quickly, the computers they do have are old as fuck, and everything is slightly dusty. Which is just annoying, because Connor literally dusts on a weekly basis. It’s part of his job. Where the fuck is this dust coming from? They may be right across from the high school, but most high schoolers have better things to do than sit in a dimly lit library for a few hours. Like getting high behind McDonald’s.

Most of Connor’s job is cleaning. Which is ironic because his room is a travesty. But as boring as it is, there’s something weirdly calming about shelving books. There’s a nice routine in pushing the cart through the shelves, making sure all the books are in the right order, pushing them all up to the right part of the shelf so they’re all perfectly aligned.

Sometimes the head librarian misplaces the duster. That switches things up.

Once all the books are reshelved and the shelves are straightened and dusted, Connor makes himself comfortable at the front desk. On slow days like this (but who is he kidding, every day is a slow day), he just sits at the desk and reads a random book until someone needs to check out books or needs help. Usually he’s kind of shit about the help part, but he’s getting better.

Some of the more elderly visitors like him, they find him charming or something. Entertaining maybe. Suburban mothers judge him for having his combat boots up on the desk. They also judge him for his hair and his piercings and the fact that he hasn’t worn a color other than black in two years. They literally keep their children away from him as long as they can. It’s more amusing than insulting, besides, kids think his hair is fucking awesome.

But almost no one is in the library today. It’s one of the slowest days they’ve had in weeks, which means Connor is able to get comfortable in the old desk chair and ignore all the other happenings of the world for much longer than usual.

Today, he’s reading Wuthering Heights. It’s for class, but he doesn’t hate it so that’s an improvement from the last book they were assigned. Supposedly it’s a romance but Connor isn’t seeing it. Some girl in his english class is trying to convince them all that it is, but whenever she brings it up, Connor just flips back to the page where Heathcliff breaks into Catherine’s coffin to see her dead body.

Sexy.

He tugs on his hair as he squints at the page, trying to see any sort of romance in any of these relationships. It all kind of just sucks.

“E-excuse me?”

Connor looks up without lowering his book. Libraries aren’t known for their customer service, right? “Can I help you?” he asks flatly.

“I-I…” The boy furrows his eyebrows and pulls on his sweatshirt. “There’s a book I’m— looking for a book.”

“Cool.”

“Uh… I’m…”

Connor sighs and puts down his book, marking the page with a sticky note. “Is there a specific book, because you can look it up on the computers.” He jerks his head toward the old machines that everyone pretends aren’t five years out of date.

The boy stares at him with wide eyes. “H-how?”

Connor stares right back at him, expression blank. “I’m sorry, how?”

“I-I know how to use a computer!” he says quickly. “I just don’t know how to use those and I kept getting weird pop up messages and then something happened and I think maybe one of them timed out but I don’t really understand what I’m doing and I think I actually might’ve broken the middle one because it started making a weird noise and—”

“That thing is a fuc— freaking dinosaur,” Connor interrupts, catching himself on the swear and glancing over to the children’s section. No one’s here right now, but moms are like hawks. It’d be just his luck for one of them to swoop in and get him fired for swearing. “It’s impossible to break but if it’s broken it’s because it’s old as…crap.” He leans back in his chair. “Just follow the instructions.”

Connor moves to pick his book back up. The boy does not move.

Shit. He’s going to be one of those people.

“Do you need me to show you?” Connor asks, trying to sound like he doesn’t hate life too much.

The boy jerks away. “N-no! It’s fine I’ve got this I just have to, um, figure it out quickly and then I think I should be able to get it but I just don’t want to break anything because if I do I might have to pay for it but I don’t actually think I can do that because computers are expensive and then not only will I not have my book but also I—”

Connor stands and the boy stops talking, shrinking away. Connor blinks. Holy fuck he’s a lot taller than this kid than he initially thought. “Do you need me to show you?” he asks. The faster this kid gets his book, the faster Connor can go back to reading.

“Yes,” the boy says shaking his head no. “I-I mean—!”

Connor sighs and steps around the desk. “Let me just…” He leads him to the computers and doesn’t even bother sitting down. He bends over and clicks the mouse a few times until the monitor wakes up. “What are you looking for?”

“A-a book for class,” the boy sputters. He digs through his pocket and pulls out a piece of paper, holding out the crumpled page to Connor.

Connor resists the urge to roll his eyes, smoothing it out on the desk and skimming over it before turning back to the computer. He inputs all the information, the book sounds familiar to him which is promising, and then lets the piece of shit they call a computer load.

The boy just awkwardly hovers next to him as he works.

If Connor were better at his job he’d probably, like, explain this process. So next time, the kid can do it himself. But he’s not.

“We have it,” Connor says when the page finally loads. He turns to the boy. “Can you find it with this info or…” he drawls. He really wants to sit back down.

The boy steps a little closer and squints at the screen. He smells like cinnamon and something else that Connor can’t name but knows smells nice and this is creepy and he needs to stop immediately. “Is— um…” He tilts his head.

Connor raises his eyebrows at him. “It’s a science book. So it’s shelved using the Dewey Decimal System. Do you…?”

He stares at Connor with wide and terrified eyes. Yeah that was what Connor thought. “Follow me,” he mutters. The library isn’t big. It’s almost directly proportional to the size and quality of their town. So small and shitty. But if you don’t know your way around it is a little confusing. The labeling is bad and Connor still hates the Dewey Decimal System, even after working here for over a year.

He glances down at the boy, who’s trailing slightly behind him. He looks…familiar. “Do you go to school here?” he asks, gesturing vaguely toward where the high school probably is maybe. Usually Connor hates small talk, but this is bugging him.

The boy looks up with a start. “Y-yeah,” he says, getting the gist of Connor’s strange hand motions. “I’m a, uh, senior. There. Yeah.”

Connor slows his strides to study him carefully. Admittedly, Connor doesn’t pay much attention to anything in school, but most of the people in this town are born here and die here. He notices the collar of a shirt under the boy’s sweatshirt and it snaps into place. “Evan Hansen, right?”

Evan stops walking. “Ye-yeah? I’m not— you know who I am?”

“Vaguely,” Connor says dryly. He doesn’t think they’ve ever had any classes together and Evan isn’t exactly a memorable person. “I haven’t had a reason to.” “F-fair.”

“You know me, though.”

“I never said that!” Evan blurts out.

Connor looks at him with raised eyebrows. “Are you telling me you haven’t heard rumors about me.”

Evan pulls on the strings of his sweatshirt. “I-I never said that either. I just meant—”

Connor crosses his arms.

Evan ducks his head. “Okay yeah but I wasn’t going to… I should shut up now.”

Connor shakes his head. “Come on, let’s get your book. Who do you need it for?” He still hates small talk, but now he feels obligated. Fuck.

“AP Environmental Science,” Evan mumbles. “With Ele— Ms. Daniels.”

“Isn’t that the fake AP class?” Connor asks. He stops walking and skims the shelves. He sees Evan turning pink out of the corner of his eye.

“I-I mean… Yeah everyone kind of treats it that way so I guess it is but it could be more interesting if people actually tried and we get to go on field trips to like forests and stuff and it’s, um, I mean not fun but... It could be…worse?”

Connor pulls the book off the shelf and turns to hand it to Evan. “That’s cool.” He surprises himself by genuinely meaning it. He’s not super into the ideas of the outdoors, bugs can go fuck themselves, but it sounds like a chill class. Anything to get out of the hell hole that is their high school.

Evan takes the book and laughs awkwardly. “You’d be the first to think that, it’s a joke.”

Connor shrugs. “So is life.”

“I…guess that’s one way of looking at it.” Evan glances down to the floor, smiling a little.

Connor clears his throat and shakes his bangs out of his eyes. “Do you need anything else or do you want me to just check you out?”

“Please,” Evan says, his voice almost a squeak.

Connor leads Evan back to the front desk, grabbing a few misplaced books as he does so. Those will have to be reshelved before he leaves later. He takes the book back from Evan and Evan’s library card, scanning it and printing out the receipt.

“We got rid of the index card things,” Connor explains, grabbing his sticky note out of Wuthering Heights and flipping the book upside down. It’s not his book. Who cares if the spine breaks. “The due date is just on the receipt but honestly it’s shitty and easier to forget. So here.” He writes the due date on the sticky note and pauses for just a second before scribbling down ten digits in slightly messier handwriting. He sticks it on the inside cover before he can change his mind. ��Here. You’ve got two weeks without renewal or we fine you some money because we need to make money somehow.”

“T-thanks.” Evan takes the book and opens the cover, checking the date. He frowns. “Wh-what’s that one?” He tilts the book so Connor can see what he’s pointing at.

“Haven’t you seen a phone number before?” Connor asks, raising an eyebrow.

Evan’s ears go red. “O-oh! That’s…” He ducks his head, but Connor catches the ghost of a smile. “Th-thank you I…yeah! I’ll uh…see you around? I guess?”

“In case you need help finding a book or something,” Connor says with a shrug.

“O-or something,” Evan repeats. “I’ll see you in school.” He smiles at Connor quickly before rushing out the double glass doors.

Connor grabs Wuthering Heights off the desk and hides his face in it. He’s almost smiling and if anyone sees him smiling that’ll definitely wreck his reputation as the grumpy emo librarian. He doesn’t manage to read any more of the book in the remaining hour of his shift, but he can’t bring himself to care. He’s got a better romance, anyway.

#connor murphy #evan hansen #convan #tree bros #dear evan hansen #my fics

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dimplesandcurlsss · 7 years ago

Text

My Fanfic Quotes

This is for the anon who requested I make a list of my favorite quotes from the fanfics I have written-- my fics are all pretty long so i kinda went overboard...reading through the first two was particularly nostalgic so I was copying and pasting all over the place! It was like a trip down memory lane. I feel like it wasn’t even me writing them. Anyway, anon, this is for you! I...hope you see it somehow!

Drummer Boy

“But then a surprised laugh spills out of Keith’s mouth; a strange, melodic sound and a grin splitting his face in a way that Lance has never seen before. His eyes shine, his delicate nose scrunching and his eyes crinkling ever so slightly. Lance somehow forgets all about that bubble of guilt, because there is a bubble of something terrifying taking it’s place.

Lance wants to hear that laugh so, so much more.”

-----------------

“He takes a long drag, eyes fluttering shut. He wonders why the spot where Keith’s knee is touching his feels like it’s on fire.”

-----------------

“He eats a chip, listening to the crunch as if it is a million cosmic explosions occurring right on his tongue.

“Oh my god, you are so high.” Kate is smiling now, amused.”

------------------

“Keith hums a deep laugh, barely audible. “You’re cute when you're angry.”

Lance just stares at him, blinking. “I-uh..” He falters. “I- wha-“

“Don’t hurt yourself. Also, we’re here.” He says, pointing upwards.

-----------------

“How can you like Cheetos but not Doritos?”

“They’re not fluffy enough!”

------------------

(in regards to the spot where he likes being touched)--“So there. That is confidential information though. For the most part, the unfortunate bastards who wanna fuck me have to figure it out themselves. So don’t go around blabbing. It’s a trade secret.” Keith’s tone is serious, but he has a goofy smile plastered onto his face, and his cheeks are flushed like he is embarrassed.”

------------------

To: Lance

Did you know that a whale dick is called a dork?

To: Keith

You’re a dork. Go the fuck to sleep.

------------------

He knows that there are stars out tonight and he doesn't even need to look up, because Keith’s dark eyes are literally filled with reflections of the tiny silver dots. Lance feels like he could write poems about Keith’s face. Or novels. Or maybe telenovelas. Keith is smiling softly at him, probably waiting for him to speak, but he has completely forgotten how.

------------------

“I don’t know whats going on Hunk. I see him and then I just want to see him again and again. I like his smile, and his hair, and his stupid lip ring, and I can’t, for the life of me, stop thinking about him. I mean, not that I’m thinking about him, you know? But like, he likes Cheetos? And he has anger issues. But like, not really anymore—“

“Lance.”

------------------

“And I didn’t realize until he was fucking me into the mattress and I looked over his shoulder and saw a giant squirrel staring down at me.”

------------------

“You called me beautiful last night.” Keith says, voice low and soft.

“Because you are.” Lance breathes, finally giving in.

------------------

Lance plops down at Hunk’s counter. “Do you have any alcohol? I need to get wasted. Actually? Lets just go out to the parking lot and you can run me over with your car. But you have to make sure to at least put me in a coma for eighty years, so that when I wake up everyone I know is dead.”

------------------

“Alright, I’ve had it, Keith.” Lance is holding his hands up in surrender. “You’re a frustrating, temperamental, manipulative and deceptive asshole with a god-awful temper and a horrible taste in fashion, and I swear to god, I would hate you, I really would, if I didn't love you so fucking much.”

------------------

Something Just Like This

“Of course, surrounding all of this camp nonsense is miles and miles of endless woods. Woods and nothing else. Keith is on a forest island. In hell.”

------------------

“How the quiznack did that happen? There’s no way you just won.”

“We just won, Lance. The Loser Cabin just beat your doodle!” Keith practically shrieks it, excitement bubbling in his stomach at Lance’s dumbfounded expression. The rest of his campers start whooping and cheering around him.

------------------

“Unlike Keith, this boy is made for the summer. He is made for the hot sun and the water, for grass stains and campfires, for giggling children and tan lines. He is light and golden and glowing, like the sun. Keith feels his face heat up.”

------------------

“Lance walked out of the cabin to join his campers in the courtyard and Keith turned to Jack, who was sticking his tongue out at him. “You think Lance is dreaaammyyy!” He says exaggeratedly, fluttering his eyelashes.

“Hey, hey, that’s not—” Keith sighs defeatedly. “That’s a super secret, alright? So how about I keep your super secret, and you keep mine, okay?"

------------------

Keith flushes, suddenly very aware of how naked he is. “I’m…skinny dipping?”

“You what?” Lance is grinning wildly. “You want to skinny dip? What the hell? Who even are you?” Lance is still grinning, eyes glinting again, and Keith is drinking it up.

------------------

“Not only does he have to be trapped in a car with Lance, the boy who fell asleep curled around him last night as he sobbed like a child; but he also has to be trapped in a car with Lance, who looks so breathtaking in his stupid blue polo as the sun filters through the car window and lines his face with a golden halo. Lance’s hair is messy in the most exquisite way. He makes bedhead look beautiful. He makes everything look beautiful. He is so damn beau--

“Hey, tonto.” Lance’s voice lacks its usual mirth. “Eyes on the road.”

------------------

“It takes approximately seven and a half minutes for Lance to knock over a store display. He has a baguette in one hand and a large plate in the other, using them as a sword and shield. He points forward screaming “charge!” and forcing Keith to push the cart forward. A pyramid of cans come crashing to the ground and they both stare at it, in mild shock, unsure of what to do, before hauling ass, paying, and sprinting out of the store.”

------------------

“Holy shit.” Pidge says, to which Coran’s voice is heard somewhere in the distance saying, “Language, Pidge!”

------------------

“Keith doesn’t even understand what is going on, but he laughs all the same. Because this is Lance and Lance is hilarious and beautiful and captivating so he laughs because what else can his drunk ass do?”

------------------

“He briefly wonders, in his drunken haze, if it is possible to die from wanting someone so badly.”

------------------

“You got me plane tickets.” Lance says again, softly.

Keith nods, trying to control the blush burning it’s way across his whole body. “I...yeah.”

At that, Lance lets out a sob that sounds oddly like a laugh and grabs Keith’s face, smashing their lips together.”

------------------

“What if all of this is just a magic spell and I’m actually an ugly troll who takes on his true form in small suburban college towns?” Lance says, sounding genuinely worried.”

------------------

“But reading physics textbooks with Lance sitting on his bed his different. Studying for exams while Lance doodles on his small whiteboard is different. Everything is just different now, with Lance around; and it’s a good different. It is like there is sunlight cast over all of the tasks that used to be mundane and dry.”

------------------

(After keith gets horribly sunburned)

“Wanna know what the best part of this trip is?”

Keith continues looking at Lance with his eyebrow raised, waiting for him to answer his own question. He expects something cheesy, like ‘being with you’ or ‘spending time here with you’. But what Lance actually says is, “Now when I call you rojo , it’s even funnier because you’re actually rojo.”

------------------

Follow My Lead

“You’re not from here, are you?”

The shots are put in front of Keith and he takes one of them, feeling the effects of the alcohol buzzing in his brain. “No.” He rasps, throat burning. “What gave it away?”

Mystery boy laughs. It is a genuine grin that shows off his white teeth and small dimples in his cheeks. “I don’t know, it might’ve been the shoes that are shinier than my car, but who knows for sure.” He replies.”

------------------

“You saw him again. I can tell. You look like you hate the world a fraction less than usual this weekend. Something had to have happened.”

Keith sighs, rolling his eyes. “For your information, I still hate the world.”

------------------

He can’t help it. He’s such a slut for vaguely asian guys in expensive suits...named Keith.

------------------

“Well, maybe I’ve just finally found my soulfuck.”

Shiro raises an eyebrow at him. “Your what?”

“You know, my soulmate, but just for fucking.” Keith states matter of factly.

------------------

Lance chucks a pillow at her. “If you’re not playing, then no talking. Hey Keith, ready to get your ass beat?”

Keith blinks at him.

“In...in Mario kart. Keith. Jesus.” He adds, shaking his head and laughing. Keith feels himself blushing, and chuckles nervously.

------------------

“I bet there’s a special brand of ‘soulmate flirting’ that I’ll just never master.” His voice comes out sadder than he wants it to.

Lance raises an eyebrow at him, looking thoroughly confused and a little shocked by the awkward turn this conversation has taken. “I mean…” He trails off a little, thinking. Keith watches his eyes as they cast downwards, eyelashes fanning against his smooth cheeks. He turns away from Keith and busies himself with the papers on the counter again. “I mean... I think that’s just called talking .”

------------------

“Jesus, you’re burning up.”

“Mmhmm.” Lance mumbles. “Burning up for you , babe.” He attempts a charming grin. Dream Keith looks at him like he’s insane and then rolls his eyes.

“Figures you would flirt when you’re on the brink of hospitalization.”

------------------

(in regards to a sex toy)

“I'm going to guess that this--” he points to a rather awkwardly shaped end--”has something to do with an ass.”

“Wow. You should write a book.”

------------------

“Sometimes, the way we feel just doesn't line up. But it doesn't mean...like, it doesn't mean you're not enough, or something. So just don't take it so personally.”

------------------

(about a sex toy)

“Brace yourself! I figured it out! I think it's for women though. But I mean, a hole is a hole right?”

------------------

“No, I…” Keith frowns slightly. “I really like it.”

“My deodorant?”

“Yeah. It smells good. Like...like how stores smell when they’ve got all the fake christmas trees out. You know, except better, obviously. Cause like...you’re not a fake tree.”

------------------

“He looks up at Lance and tilts his head to the side, questioningly. It’s something, Lance’s has noticed, that he always does when he wants Lance to kiss him. It’s like he is tilting his head in preparation to fit their lips together. Lance doesn't think that he realizes he does it, which makes it all the more attractive.”

------------------

“It’s just Lance. The same Lance it’s always been. The same Lance he sleeps with and then leaves five minutes later. But now it’s Lance Sanchez, who sacrificed a whole weekend just to save Keith’s ass, who wakes up at the crack of dawn to follow his fucking dreams, who gets excited over minibars and free pretzels, and who looks really, really good in a suit.

And naked.

And pretty much all the time.”

------------------

Lance giggles and turns his head to face Keith, who has a small smile on his lips. Keith’s eyes are still trained onto the ceiling. Lance tries and fails to quell his rapid heartbeat as he studies Keith’s profile. How is this boy so gorgeous? What kind of deal did he make with the devil to have that face? “We’re going to have so much sex tonight.”

------------------

“You forgot to have sex with your fuckbuddy?”

“We got caught up in other things, okay?”

“Like falling in love with each other?”

“I’m not in love with him!” Lance shouts into his hands.

------------------

“You know! That guy you flirted with at the gym that one day.” Okay, Keith definitely sounds psychotic. “He was all ‘oh hey, I'm trying to up my game’ and you were all ‘oh totally, you’re a ten on my super strict attractiveness scale, get in my ass’--”

“I was not--!”

------------------

“Mornin’ sunshine!” He says, eyes bright. He's got a rumpled t-shirt on with some boxers underneath. Keith glances down and sees little cartoon bananas all over the fabric. He bites back a smile. Lance is holding a pan and a spatula over the stove, frying what appears to be an inhumane amount of bacon and some scrambled eggs. Keith swallows, and seriously, is he already blushing? He just woke up for god’s sake.

------------------

It’s only been a week but Keith feels literally starved for Lance’s stupid, stupid lips, and when he feels them, something inside him melts. A very pathetic whimpering sound makes its way out of his throat and Lance responds by snaking an arm around his waist, pulling him closer as if to tell him that he understands.

------------------

Tears fill his eyes and he can't get Lance’s smell off of his hoodie. A hoodie that he used to wear because it smelled like Shiro, now covered in the scent of Lance’s deodorant.

------------------

He doesn’t know who moves forward, but then they are kissing, and it’s like thousands of explosions are going off all over Keith’s body, searing and popping and burning and it’s almost so good that it’s painful.

------------------

Of course he feels guilty for punching Keith, but really, he didn’t know what else to do. It was either punch him, or grab him by the shoulders and scream “I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU TWAT” and he wasn’t sure he had enough courage to do the second thing so he stuck with the first thing.

------------------

Maria shakes her head in disbelief. “How the hell this even happen ? Goofy little Lance can’t pull a guy like that! Did you drug him? Oh my god you drugged him.”

“Are you ki--No! I didn’t drug him, you idiot! I’ve got game!”

------------------

Slowly, and very hesitantly, as if he doesn’t want to break the moment, Lance lifts a finger to poke Keith's nose. “I would've thought that I at least bruised you. Was my punch really that weak?”

Keith giggles, swatting Lance’s finger away. “I was bleeding for a while. Does that help?”

------------------

“These are a little small for me so, they’ll fit you.” He smirks.

“Excuse me?” Keith snaps. “What are you implying?”

“That you are a tiny, small, minuscule, ant of a person.” Lance says teasingly, listing the words off with his fingers.

------------------

“L-Look, you were my soulfuck. Well I mean, that’s what I thought— I mean I initially had spelled it S-O-U-L you know like heart and soul and all that? Like soulmate except soul fuck but—maybe I got the spelling wrong because, well, you know, sole like S-O-L-E is… I'm not talking about like 'sole of a shoe' I’m talking sole like ‘solo' like 'only one' and maybe that’s the spelling I was looking for because you’re the sole fuck, like ‘only-one fuck' meaning you’re the only person—“ Keith swallows. “—that I want to fuck.”

Lance blinks at him. Then blinks again. “What the hell are you talking about?”

If you made it to the end, I love you.

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queennicoleinboots · 4 years ago

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Taco Mac with Colonel Mac, part 2

Getting to Publix was a feat. After Colonel Mac got his van fixed several hours later and after I put the groceries in his house and came back, we fought the never-ending rush of traffic on I-78. Interstate 78 can fuck off. Where are these cars coming from, and why the fuck are they always here? I swear these same mother fuckers are getting paid by the Logantown government to ride around in the same loop 24 hours a day, seven days a week just to piss off anyone trying to accomplish anything on the road ever. That's where our tax dollars are going. Holy fuck I hate this place.

So after about 10 minutes of praying that traffic would go the fuck away for about point ten seconds, traffic finally subsided and the green light allowed us to leave that god-forsaken intersection right across from Burger King. That was the same Burger King where there was a drug deal going on in the middle of the parking lot. At the time, I didn't know about it because I was riding with my eyes closed and ranting about a bunch of bullshit. Colonel Mac let me know about it by literally saying "DUCK, YOU SUCKER! WE GON'GET SHOT!" Thank God we ducked.

Anyway, traffic was razzle dazzle bullshit as usual on the way to Publix for no fucking reason. A couple circus performers cut us off before we reached the parking lot. And of course we hit every red light.

We parked our vans incorrectly because we were disgruntled and rebellious. Colonel Mac also needed to use the right side of his van for his lift.

We entered the store and were looking for red meat, onions, and cheese. It took forever because half of the meat at Publix was rotted. We ended up buying ground sirloin and being done with it. I wish we had time to go to Aldi to find better meat... but car problems fucked that up. Oh well. I don't care to figure it out.

We calmly went and picked out Sargentos Taco blend cheese, Boar's Head white American cheese, and a pack of Publix pepper jack cheese.

"I want to feel the Taco Mac in the morning!" Colonel Mac said as he grabbed another pack of pepper jack cheese.

"Please. I would add jalapenos to mine," I said as I continued to shop.

We strolled all the way down to the produce aisle and saw Michael the Great Arc Angel searching for decent onions... this is going to be bad.

"Why is half of the produce rotten?!" a random Karen who was wearing a mask asked in a nasally voice.

"Because you don't eat enough fruits and vegetables!" another Karen who looked like Barbie from the 1990s shouted as she grabbed a carrot Naked smoothie from the refrigerator. She, of course, was also wearing a mask.

Colonel Mac blinked and spun around in a circle before speaking an aside to me, "She grabbed a smoothie. She can afford that? Da fuq is wrong with her?"

"So everything's my fault! Excuse me, Princess!!!" the other Karen shouted in a nasally voice.

A group of Karens with face masks on started fondling the produce to find the perfect fruits and vegetables. They were talking about country clubs, getting hair cuts, and how it was an injustice that spas weren't open during a pandemic.

Michael the Great Arc Angel had had enough of the Karens and yelled, "SILENCE!!!!" before the whole store shook. "I'm trying to find the perfect onion!"

"What are you making?" Colonel Mac asked.

"Taco Mac, of course. It's all the rage!!!!" Michael The Great Arc Angel shouted.

"We're making that, too!" Colonel Mac shouted.

"Of course! Taco Mac! With Colonel Mac!!!" Michael the Great Arc Angel shouted.

The cast of PeeWee Herman appeared in the store and started shouting. "Taco Mac with Colonel Mac" was still the phrase of the month.

"Oh my God! Can we shop without the cast of PeeWee Herman screaming, please?" the Karen with a nasally voice asked.

"NO! In fact, you have offended me for the last time! You fondling the fruits and vegetables and putting them back in the same spot instead of setting them aside is an injustice! The spa shall be closed. It is justice. You are unjust! You are the same people I argue with on a regular basis about taxes and municipal regulations! BE GONE!" Michael the Great Arc Angel commanded as he started throwing the rotted vegetables and fruits at the Karens.

"Here we go again," Colonel Mac said as he chuckled.

Paul the Goat charged into Publix and bleated with authority before he was examining the fruit and vegetables and joining Michael the Great Arc Angel in throwing the rotted ones at the Karens.

The Karen with a nasally voice shrieked and turned into a pterodactyl. She flew around the store and hooked onto her grocery cart to continue shopping.

My phone rang. It was Joebear.

"BAEWHUHH!!!!!!" I shouted into my phone. Paul the Goat threw an onion at me that was okay minus the skin. The skin of the onions at Publix always look fucked up.

"What?!" Joebear shouted in the phone.

"BAEWHUHH!!!!!" I sang again. Paul the Goat threw a jalapeno at me. It was okay, so I put it in the cart. I am a Karen, too.

"Thank you. Can we go?" Colonel Mac asked.

Michael the Great Arc Angel laughed in triumph as he found the perfect onion and flew to the check-out. He even cut off a Karen.

Paul the Goat was still throwing less-than-perfect fruits and vegetables at Karens. Karens were checking out at the store and wondering why they were forced to help with produce quality control. They bitched (rightfully so) about the managers not doing their jobs. They were covered with rotted fruit guts.

"They couldn't deal with it anymore," Joebear said.

The Grinch was hobbling toward produce and making guttural noises. Apparently, he was still hungry for rotten produce.

"Excuse me, sir. You have to pay for that!" a produce manager who also looked like a Karen shouted.

The Grinch sputtered gibberish to her before he said, "Can you hire me for QUALITY CONTROL?! Your rotted vegetables are all I require."

"All right. All right. You have the job!" the Karen produce manager said.

"Deja vu," Colonel Mac said before he headed for the check-out.

After sitting six feet behind a Karen who was yapping about how ridiculous it was that social distancing was important, Colonel Mac then freaked out, spun in a circle, and said, "Holy Shit I forgot butter!" He got the fuck out of the line. Naturally, I followed him.

When we got to the butter aisle, he grabbed the Blue Bonnet chemical lard before I slammed the freezer door shut, stared him down, and asked, "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Getting butter???" he said as he looked at me in fright.

I snatched the Blue Bonnet chemical death from him and said, "This is not butter. Let me read the ingredients..."

Colonel Mac blinked at me.

I started to read the Blue Bonnet ingredients. "Water, Soybean Oil a.k.a estrogen. You know that soy is estrogen, right?"

"Really? I thought it was basically a plant substitute for meat," Colonel Mac said.

"Yes, but it is estrogen. Estrogen is a female hormone. You are a man. You don't need estrogen, NEXT! Palm Oil, Palm Kernel Oil, salt, less than two percent of emulsifiers (mono- and diglycerides - SUGAR complexes. Mono means one. Di means two. Glyceride means sugar," I rambled.

Colonel Mac stared at me with an "Okay, I got your point" smile.

I kept reading, "Soy Lechitin - more estrogen." I couldn't pronounce the next ingredient on the list. It was Propylene Glycol Monostearate).

"Yes, yes..." Colonel Mac said.

"UGH WHAT IS THIS CRAP?!" Joebear yelled over the phone.

"It's bullshit. That's what I'm telling Colonel Mac, baewhuhh," I said.

Colonel Mac spun around in his wheelchair out of exasperation.

"Preservatives (Sodium Benzoate, Potassium Sorbate, Calcium Disodium EDTA), Whey, Citric Acid, Natural and Artificial Flavors, Vitamin A Palmitate, and Beta Carotene for color," I finished reading the ingredients. "In other words, it's garbage! Literal radioactive toxic waste!!!"

"All right. All right," Colonel Mac said.

"So what you should buy instead is either Kerrygold Butter or even Kroger... or Publix brand actual butter. Let me read the ingredients of the Greenwise actual butter," I said as I picked up the package and read. "Pausterized organic sweet cream (from actual milk) and salt. In other words, no bullshit."

The Grinch came over and took the Blue Bonnet margarine. He then devoured it and started to grow.

"HOLY SHIT! THAT'S WHAT I WAS EATING?!" Colonel Mac said as he took the grocery cart and rode away as quickly as he could. I laughed and walked with Colonel Mac as I watched the Grinch grow to the ceiling. He then burped a burp that smelled like rotted teeth and cat turds.

The other shoppers and Karen's screamed and paid for their groceries rapidly while of course trying to keep a six-foot distance from each other.

"KEEP THE CHANGE!" Lou Who from the Grinch movie (2000) yelled as he took his half-bagged groceries and ran out of the store.

"REMEMBER TO WEAR A MASK AND KEEP SIX FEET AWAY FROM EACH OTHER. Practice social distancing!" The Grinch commanded before he laughed and continued to terrorize us all.

Colonel Mac and I checked out and paid for our groceries. As soon as we left the store, we burst out laughing. We were at our wits' end with all of the stupidity that occurred at that point. But unfortunately, that wasn't the end of it.

Peter was fucking his therapist on the hood of their car (the bitch gave it to him for $1. Bitch bitch bitch bitch...) when Colonel Mac and I finally got out of this stupidly expensive fucking grocery store from Hell. The best thing would this grocery shopping trip would be if Peter squirted in her and got her fat and pregnant. They'd have beautiful babies.

Publix sucks. Oh well, at least we finally get to make those damn tacos.

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chaoticghost21 · 7 years ago

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Props & Mayhem; Chapter Thirteen

It was a few days later, the boys were cuddling on the couch watching Impractical Jokers. They were mostly quiet until they started laughing. Then Justin got the idea; the show was already funny but imagine how funny it would be if they were high? He'd bring that up to Alex the next commercial break. When the break finally came, Justin turned to Alex, “hey babe, what do you think about getting high and watching this?“

Alex raised an eyebrow “hmm sounds funnn we shouldddd” he giggled “why not”

“I'll go get the stuff,” Justin said, getting up and getting his pipe, bag of weed, and his vape pen, bringing it all out into the living room, setting it all on the coffee table.

Alex hums a little, sitting up on the edge of the couch. “I honestly kinda feel bad? Like i got so upset that you did it but like now i am?”

Justin shrugged, “oh well,” he packed the pipe and set it back on the table, taking a hit of the pen first. The pen itself was too weak but the flower in the pipe was too strong by itself so he would always use both to get him where he wanted to be. “Which one do you want first?” He asked Alex.

“The pipe first” Alex said, he still felt bad, he’d gotten so mad at Justin but now here he was doing the same thing, he felt hypocritical.

Justin handed him the pipe, he himself taking another hit off the pen before they switched.

Alex hummed quietly, taking a hit off of it, laying back and putting his head in Justin's lap.

Justin smiled at him, leaning down to kiss him before taking another hit.

Alex giggles, taking another hit off the pipe. “We should try that shotgunning thingggg”

“Okay,” Justin took a hit, holding it for a moment before leaning down and kissing Alex, blowing the smoke into his mouth as well did so.

Alex parted his lips slightly, wrapping his arms around Justin's neck. He pulled back after a second, letting the smoke out past his lips.

Justin smiled, kissing him again before repeating his actions with the pipe.

Alex giggles softly, taking a hit off the pen, “remember when we used to so this a lot in high school?” He hummed softly.

“Yeah, those were good and bad times but I got you out of it. I honestly think we can blame weed for our relationship,” Justin laughed.

Alex giggles and nods “honestly like, it's pretty much how we got together. Right after that one night.” He said softly “i honestly remember it like it was yesterday.”

“I was drunk and high literally 24/7 back then so I only remember bits and pieces, you should tell me the story,” Justin said, he did remember it but he loved the way Alex explained everything and how he told it.

“It was so like tense like. I called you because i just felt so bad and almost did something really bad. And at this point we were basically together, much closer than just friends, but you didn't really wanna admit it at the time. But you just came over and climbed up through my window. We cuddled and literally got high, i'm surprises my dad didn't know honestly like how?? But then you started being all fuckin sappy and cheesy and kissed me” Alex said, smiling “it was so nice honestly”

“Yeah. You know you are the first time I've seen love, the first I've ever experienced. But honestly it's the last I'll ever need and my future is nothing if I don't have you, I wouldn't throw this away for anything. We may be young but we know that this is love. Thank you for giving me another chance every time I screwed up. I love you so much, you are my world; my everything.”

Alex blushes and sits up, moving into Justin's lap. “You're so cheesy jusss” he says “but fuck i love you. You're honestly the only person i want to spend the rest of my life with. I really can't see myself without you. Well, alive anyway. You mean too much to me”

“Me too, I honestly think we saved each other. Without you'd, I'd be dead, Wyeth l whether I did it myself or one of my mom's boyfriends did it, it was bound to happen and you got me out of there and now look at us. We're adults living together in our own apartment, away from that town and most of the people in it.”

“I know damn well that you saved me” Alex says “like literally. If you hadn't called me that night i'd be dead. But now we're here, yeah we both may be a little fucked up and not ready to tell each other some things but we have each other. And that will never change. no matter what.”

“Exactly, I wouldn't trade you for $1,000,000; I might trade you for penguin though,” Justin joked.

“You wouldnttttt” Alex pouts slightly “im cuter and more cuddly than a penguinnnn”

“But have you seen a penguin? The tiny blue ones, you may be cuddlier and cuter but you have to admit you want one of those, they're so little and cute!”

Alex giggles “okay okay fineeee they are cute. But we literally couldn't have one, it's not cold enough hereeee”

“I will invest in a lot of freezers,” Justin smiled.

“It will literally make our apartment like antarctica. And wed have to get a lot of raw fish and that would probably smell bad”

“I would do it just to have a penguin…. We could get multiple and open a penguin zoo!!!” Justin exclaimed very loudly, now bouncing up and down excitedly.

Alex giggles “Where would we open it thoughhhhh”

“We'd get a house and do it there, duh,” Justin said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Alex giggles and nods, nuzzling into his neck “we could do that one day” he said “maybe we could adopt a kid or two too?”

“Of course but we have to get married first. I want to get married before I do everything else.”

Alex smiles and nods “of course Jus” he said “i can't wait until we finally get to”

“Me either, just need some more money and maybe we could do it,” Justin looked off into space picturing their wedding in his head. He didn't know who would take who's last name but honestly he didn't care that much though he would prefer to take Alex's try get rid of the name he had, the one he wanted nothing to do with.

Alex smiles and looks up at him, “do you wanna have like a big proper church wedding or just a small one?” He says.

“Small one, only a few people there like your family and….” Justin trailed off, he didn't know who else would be at their wedding besides Alex's family.

“Maybe Monty and Jeff and zach?” Alex said, looking up at Justin “other than that i'm not really sure”

“Yeah, maybe. If I could have anyone there I'd wish that my mom would get cleaned up and show up and that she would act like she cares. I wish I knew the rest of my family but my mom never let me have communication with them. I know I have aunts, uncles, and cousins but I've never met them and I don't even know their names,” Justin said sadly a bit of hope laced his voice.

Alex frowns a little “maybe we could get in contact with them somehow? See if they could come?” Alex says softly.

He shrugged, “I doubt they even know I exist.”

“I'm sure theyd at least know that jus. Maybe they don't know you but i'm sure we could figure something out” he says, playing with Justin's hair

“I want to but I don't know how to or if they want to hear from me or if they even know of my existence. Maybe if I got on contact with them off find out why my dad left and why my mom hates me,” he said, leaning into Alex's hand, him loving his hair being played with.

“We’ll just have to try Jus.” Alex says softly “it won't hurt to try.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. When do you want to get married?” Justin asked him before taking another hit off the pen.

Alex hummed softly, taking a hit off the pipe “I don't think we’ll be able to anytime soon,” he said, “maybe in a few years?”

Justin nodded, “yeah it won’t be for a while, we definitely have to save up money first; from what I’ve heard weddings can be expensive.”

“I think they are. I mean from watching bridezillas and shit they get really expensive” Alex said, giggling a little.

“True… please tell me you aren’t going to be that way,” Justin begged.

“No i wontttt” Alex says, poking Justin's cheek “i may be dramatic but i'm not that dramatic.”

“Really? You’re not that dramatic,” Justin said with an eyebrow raised. “Have you forgotten about when the grocery store ran out of nutella and chocolate bars and you made a scene and got us kicked out of the store?”

Alex blushed brightly “i wanted nutella and chocolate! They should've had it” Alex pouted “i'm not dramaticcc”

“You screamed and fell to your knees, yelling about how cruel the world is and you wouldn’t stop until the manager came over and asked us to leave. Even then I had to drag you out of the store because you still wouldn’t stop.”

“Pfttttt i don't remember that part.” Alex said, blushing darker “that nEvEr happened.”

“They have your picture up in the store. You are not allowed back in. Did you forget the reason why I’m the one who has to do all the shopping?”

“At least i looked cute in the picture” Alex shrugged “okay fine maybe i'm a littleeee dramatic. You love it though.”

“You do look cute in the picture, I have to see it everytime I go into the store. All the workers stare at me like they think I stuffed you into a bag and brought you in with me though,” Justin kissed him, “you’re lucky you’re cute and I love you, because I hate that store.”

Alex giggles and kisses back “i love you toooo. And we could always go to another storeee.” He said “plus how would you stuff me into a bag and sneak me in. I wouldn't fit!”

“I could make you fit, and remember, I got kicked out of the other grocery store? I screamed at people because they made me mad… We can’t ever go grocery shopping in this town together until they stop the ban on us.. In about a month.”

“I'm still pretty sure people here just have something against us! Like they didn't need to ban usssss” Alex said “we could've been all domestic and went shopping together”

“We could’ve if you didn’t freak out and scream in a store for like 10 minutes straight and if I didn’t threaten to run over people with my cart… Maybe it is our fault.”

“Maybeeeee but still ! People have done worse things and they still get to goooo.”

“It was only a three month ban from each, other people have gotten worse.”

“Stillll” Alex said “i like going shopping with you cause i don't like sitting here all lonely.”

“Same, and I hate shopping by myself, I always forget things.”

“You always text me asking me what we neeeed” Alex giggles “it's cutee”

“It’s embarrassing, I always forget what we need and then I still forget to grab it after you tell me what we need,” he pouted.

“Awwww jusssss” Alex said, poking his lip “it's okayyyy”

Justin tried to bit his finger as it poked his lip.

Alex giggles a little “heyyyyy what was that forrr”

“You touch my lip, I bite,” Justin said, his voice muffled by Alex’s finger still in his mouth, “it’s the rules.”

Alex pouts and pulls his finger back “you just wanted an excuse to bite me.”

“I plead the fifth.”

“I don't know what that means” Alex says

“I choose to remain silent in order to not incriminate myself.”

“I still don't get it but oKaY”

“Well I have to learn some law stuff and you don’t, so makes sense,” Justin smiled.

“True” Alex says, laying on his shoulder, “m hungry” he mumbles softly.

“What do you want? I can make you something.”

Alex shrugs a little “i dunno” he says softly “surprise me?”

He nodded and went into the kitchen, after a lot of crashes and pots banging he finally came out, “we actually had stuff to make spaghetti so that’s what I did.”

Alex giggles and nods, standing up “is that why everything was banging?”

“I dropped pans and then it got stuck and I had difficulties but I DID IT!” Justin said victoriously.

Alex giggles and walks over to him, wrapping his arms around his neck “good for you jusss”

Justin picked him up and ran into the kitchen, carrying him the whole time. He set Alex down at the table, “now eat.”

“Gosh you sure seem excited” Alex giggles softly, “you sit down and eat too dork.”

Justin laughed and sat down across the small table from Alex, starting to eat.

Alex hummed and picked up the fork, biting his lip and hesitating slightly before taking a small bite.

Justin smiled at the fact that Alex was eating. He didn’t put that much on Alex’s plate but he put as much as he knew Alex could eat, he cared more about the boy than he did himself and even though Alex said it was fine, Justin was going to find a way to make it up to him for hitting him, he was going to find a way to pay him back.

Alex hummed a bit, taking another small bite and glancing up at Justin. “Whatcha thinking about jus?” He asked.

“You,” he replied with a smile.

Alex blushes a little “be more specific?”

“Just you in general, how much I love you and want to be with you forever. How adorable you are and just everything about you.”

Alex blushes and looks down “you're so cheesy sometimes gosh”

“Only for youuu!”

Alex giggles, smiling a bit “i knowwwww” he says, taking another bite.

Justin smiled, taking another bite before his phone went off, alerting him he had a text. He Looked back up at Alex, “Monty and Jeff want to know if we want to go out with them tomorrow night.”

“Hmmm yeah. Sure we can” he said, humming a bit

Justin nodded, texting back and putting his phone away, continuing eating.

Alex ate a few more bites before pushing the plate away, “m full”

Justin nodded, not wanting to push him and took the plate away.

Alex hummed softly to himself, playing with his sweater sleeves.

Justin walked back over and huigged him, kissing his cheek.

Alex smiles a bit and hugs back, clinging to him “can we go back nd cuddle?”

“Yesss, do you wanna watch a movie??”

Alex nodded “please?” He says softly, looking up at Justin.

“What movie?”

“Uhhhh everything everything?”

He nods, putting it in and then going back to the couch

Alex smiles and sits next to him, nuzzling into his neck.

The movie played as they cuddled, Justin kissing Alex every once in awhile.

Alex smiles a little, closing his eyes and yawning a little “m sleepy”

“Let’s go to bed then, we actually have to do something tomorrow,” Justin said, getting up and offering his hand to Alex.

“Carry meeee” Alex pouts slightly “pleasee?”

Justin nodded and picked up Alex but the boy himself being very much under the influence of recreational drugs had difficulties and tripped over his feet, almost dropping Alex.

Alex squealed slightly, clinging tightly to Justin “m i too heavy” Alex asks softly, looking up at him.

“Not at all, you are very light, I’m just high and I tripped,” Justin said. “See look,” he said, lifting Alex up and down as if he were a weight.

Alex giggles softly, holding onto him “that's funnnnnnn”

Justin continued doing it and purposely threw Alex into the air, catching him as he came down.

Alex gasps softly, clinging to him once he came back down “holy fuck that was scary” he mumbled.

Justin laughed, “what, you don’t have faith in me to catch you?”

“I dooooo” Alex says “jus felt weird and scary. Of course i trust you Jus.”

“I would never drop you, if I started to fall or something, I would turn myself midair so you would land on me instead of the ground.”

Alex blushes a bit “gosh you're so protective sometimes Jus. ‘S cuteeee” he giggles “i love you”

“I love you too!” He kissed Alex.

Alex smiles and kisses back, keeping his arms around his neck “now let's go get in bed and cuddleeee”

He nodded and ran them to their bedroom, throwing Alex onto the bed, jumping onto the bed with him.

Alex giggles and bounces slightly, nuzzling into Justin’s neck once he gets in bed too

Justin smiled, kissing Alex's head before wrapping his arms around him.

Alex smile, humming quietly “night jus.” He says softly “i love youuu”

“Night Alex, I love you too, so freaking much,” Justin said, whispering the last part.

Alex smiles and kisses his cheek, closing his eyes and slowly falling asleep.

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Chapter 14 will be up on @13imagines-why in a few minutes!!

#props & mayhem #chapter 13 #justlex #justin foley x alex standall #alex x justin #justin foley #alex standall #13 reasons why

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andrewdburton · 6 years ago

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An Interview With The Man Who Never Needed a Real Job

“Dear Mr. Money Mustache…

I’d like to retire soon. I’ve had a good career and the numbers say I’m just over the threshold, but I’m still afraid.

It would help if I had a solid plan for what to do after retirement – perhaps even make some money eventually. Because I think it would help boost my confidence to pull the plug at the old law office. But as an attorney, I’m trained to see the pitfalls of everything and frankly I’m afraid.

How do all of you fearless Mustachians just go out and start businesses and make money, when it is so hard to get started – so many details and contingencies to account for?

– the Skittish Scottsdale Solicitor

Dear SSS,

To answer a question like yours, it sometimes helps to look at a role model who has some of the traits you would like to cultivate in yourself. So this seems like the perfect time to share a story I have been wanting to tell here on MMM for at least five years. And the funny part about this tale is that it keeps getting more interesting, the longer I wait to share it.

It is the story of my long-time friend Luc, who has earned a reputation in our own community as the honey badger of entrepreneurship.

The Honey Badger

Luc takes a brief rest from digging out 30 tons of dirt from his own basement and hand-pouring a new foundation while his son supervises.

From painting houses to raising edible insects, selling handmade pine coffins to writing and shooting his own feature length film in Scotland, all while never becoming too proud to take a literal Shit Shower while cleaning the sewer lines in his own rental properties, Luc’s story never fails to amaze. And it can be especially useful for those of us on the other end of the spectrum – wannabe entrepreneurs who are still hesitating to open our first small business checking account.

This story is a great financial lesson as well. Luc’s family* has gone from zero to financial independence without the benefit of the easy tech salaries that got my own household there back in the mid 2000s. Like most of us, they have seen windfalls and setbacks over the years, but the biggest factor in getting them to a better financial place has been continuing to get the work done, while choosing not to squander all of the proceeds on an ever bigger lifestyle.

So from this interview I’m hoping you will pick up both some inspiration for continued down-to-earth hard work, and a perspective to just go out and try new things, especially in the area of entrepreneurship.

If you do it right, there is upside waiting around every corner. So let’s get into the questions!

The Man Who Never Got a Real Job

MMM: The first moment we met was in July 2005, when I had just retired and we bought our first house in old-town Longmont, with a baby on the way. Walking through my new backyard, I immediately noticed two thirtysomething dudes in dirty clothes, working up on the roof of the old garage on your side of the fence. And I thought to myself, “These are my type of people!”, and walked over to meet you.

What was going on in your life at that moment, in both life and business?

Luc: Well, considering our daughter was born nine months later, it was near the end of one phase and the beginning of the next. At the time, my primary business was a house painting company that I had started in the late ‘90s, after my biology degree wasn’t enough to get me a job at a pet store (in Boulder you need advanced degrees for that sort of thing).

I had worked pretty hard to get that painting company up and running, starting as a one-man show, then employing as many as 18 people at one point. It was a good gig in that I had a lot of free time to work on other projects in the winters, and even went back and got my Master’s degree along the way.

By 2005, though, I had severely downsized the company and I was back to a small crew. I was beginning to think about what I wanted to be when I grew up.

One project we started that year was buying and quickly fixing up a house a few blocks from our place on a street called Carolina Avenue. This was primarily achieved by leveraging the equity we had built up in our first house. I still own and rent out that place (which you subsequently helped me do a more extensive renovation on).

MMM: So then we both had these children born at almost the same time, and all six people in our two families became friends. We both started helping each other with construction projects, but when Longmont denied my building permit application to expand our tiny 600 square foot house, I decided to move out and turn that one into a rental, and move into a bigger place a few blocks away. What was the catalyst that made you leave the little leafy paradise of that street? (and yes I realize this is a leading question :-))

Luc: The first thing is that old Happy Street is a pretty busy street, and with a young daughter, we thought it might be nice to live on a quieter stretch. One day my wife and I went for a walk and picked our favorite blocks in the neighborhood. There happened to be a “beautiful” old fixer upper for sale on one of those blocks, and within a few days we were under contract.

That we were willing to take the plunge so quickly was largely because of you and your construction company. At the time, I hadn’t done any extensive remodels, but because you were willing to help me out, I figured we could make it work.

At the time, my wife was certain that it would be a fix-and-flip and there was no way she would actually live in the house. Because it started out in such bad shape, it was hard to imagine it ever becoming a nice family home, but it really did in the end. So we we moved in at the beginning of 2008 and here I sit, typing away in the office.

The Rental Real Estate Projects

MMM: So, our biggest collaborations over the years have been in fixing up houses, often rental houses that one of us owned (okay most of them were yours.) We started with The Foreclosure Project in 2011, then went back and did a major upgrade to one of your other places here in town. Most recently we did The Atwood Project, which was the inspiration for my post on Installing your own furnace.

How has your experience been in owning single family rental houses, while doing your own management and maintenance? Is it a reasonable return on your investment and labor?

Luc: There are a lot of real estate/rental experts in the Mustachian fold – I am not one of them, but real estate is the main reason we’re now financially independent.

We bought our first house in 1999 with $5000 from my dad and a $3000 courtesy check from Chase. We chose the house because it had a mother-in-law basement, with its own entry and kitchen – we went from paying over $900/mo in rent to having a tenant and paying around $300/mo toward our own house. We were fortunate enough that soon thereafter Longmont housing prices had a nice little bounce.

In 2003 I took out a home equity line of credit and we bought a condo in Fort Collins. A realtor soccer friend had given me a handy little spreadsheet that detailed all the ways to make money from real estate, and at the time it was hard to find cash flow properties in Longmont.

In hindsight, that first condo was a mistake. It was an hour commute to deal with any issues, it wasn’t a place I had much emotional attachment to, and it didn’t attract tenants who cared about it – it was a soulless investment. Nonetheless, we held it for over ten years, and finally saw some significant appreciation in the last few years (and it gave me my first taste of YouTube success with a video on How To Finish a Subfloor.)

I sold the condominium on Craigslist in 2015 and did a 1031 exchange for the Atwood Project – probably the most soulful investment I’ve made.

The lesson I learned from that first condo was that I wanted properties that were in my neighborhood, that I cared about, and that, when fixed up, made our community nicer. And of course they had to make money, too. Again, I was lucky enough that all those things were achievable here in Old Town Longmont, even through the recession.

Over the years, we leveraged our way into four rental properties in Old Town (moving into our current place along the way and turning that original home into a two-unit rental). The cash flow alone allowed me to spend less time painting and more on other pursuits. And my wife was able to move her teaching career down to half-time.

In 2016, I spent an average of under 10 hours per property – over the whole year – on maintenance and administration. Yes, there are occasional shit showers when cleaning out an old lead P trap, but most of it is more pleasant than that.

After finishing up the remodel work on the fourth and final property, we had 100% occupancy in all places and pulled in about $92,000 in rent; $36,000 after expenses.

Meanwhile, our longer term gamble on the livability of Old Town has paid off, as home prices have more than doubled here in the last several years, leaving us with equity close to $1.5 million (including the home we live in). The best example is the Foreclosure Project, which we bought for $113,500 in 2011, put about $25K into it, and is now worth over $300K.

To take some of that appreciation money off of the table, I chose to sell the most expensive of these houses last year, and re-invest the cash into standard stock market investments.

This is where MMM will probably caution you that not all real estate investment will go so well.

Building DIY Electric Cars

Although it’s no Tesla, this little homemade contraption was my first peek at the world of electric cars.

MMM: One of the most technically impressive things to me, was the time you read a book on converting an old gas-powered GEO Metro econobox car into an electric vehicle (EV), using basically a trunkload of golf cart batteries. And then decided to team up with a friend and try the same thing yourselves.

Not being auto mechanics yourselves, what possessed you to do this? And did it turn out to be a good business idea in the end?

Luc: Ha, this was a terrible business idea. I can remember sitting in the office of the City of Longmont fleet manager, trying to convince him to let us convert some of their gas pickups to electric; Fox News was blaring in the background and he was staring daggers at me. Needless to say, we didn’t get that gig, and that was probably a good thing, considering we didn’t have the expertise or capital to pull off truly decent EV conversions.

We did do a couple GEO conversions and an old Ford pickup, which was a lot of fun, but they were novelties more than anything. That was 2009, and it was an exciting time in the electric vehicle world. Lithium batteries were becoming more reliable and less expensive, the movie Who Killed The Electric Car? had come out a few years prior, Tesla was starting to make some waves, and of course addressing climate change was becoming more urgent. I wanted to do something meaningful, and I thought electric cars were the future of transportation. The cash flow I was getting from rentals had given me more free time. And I’m slightly crazy, so why not start an EV business?

At the time, Colorado had an amazing incentive for people to buy EVs. One of my favorite parts was arguing with the clueless administrator of the law for months, and then lobbying for sensible changes and clarification when they wrote the new law.

We spun off a new company, Boulder Hybrid Conversions, with two other guys (with more EV expertise), in which we converted Priuses to plug-in hybrids by upgrading them to a larger battery.

Meanwhile, largely thanks to my partner, our original business morphed from being a handcrafted car conversion hobby, to a reseller of electric car batteries and other components. It became one of the larger businesses of this type in the country, grossing over $1 million a year. I had a lot of other ideas for how we could expand the business, but my partner didn’t see it, so he ended up buying me out for about $125,000 (which, for all the time I put into the biz, turned out to be decent but not extravagant hourly compensation).

Boulder Hybrid Conversions became Boulder Hybrids, specializing in hybrid and EV maintenance and repair. One partner bought the rest of us out, and he continues to grow that business. I now own a 2013 Nissan Leaf and a 2015 Prius wagon (my off-road vehicle) and one share of Tesla, and I look forward to the day when I can buy an autonomous mini-van that will safely transport my family and me to Wisconsin overnight while we sleep.

Dead Pine Trees for Dead Bodies

A handcrafted biodegradeable coffin takes shape in the handcrafted workshop. (image credit: Mat Bobby / Longmont Colony)

MMM:

One day, I got an email from you that said, “Well, I’ve done it again – decided to start yet another business. Building coffins from reclaimed beetle-killed pine planks”

So we both reviewed the simple plans from a book you had found in the library, built a prototype of this Dracula-style “toe pincher” coffin, and then you photographed it and put up a website. I gladly worked alongside you because I like hanging out and building things, but I remember thinking, “Luc’s really gone off the deep end here – who is going to buy our DIY coffins??”

What was the motivation and the eventual fate of that coffin venture?

Luc: I started Nature’s Casket in 2009 for the same reasons I started the EV business: to do something meaningful for the environment. And because it was different and exciting. And because I wanted to help my brother with more hours when we had downtime from painting. All the remodel work we had done meant I had most of the woodworking equipment I needed to build coffins. And it was nice to have some technical, logistical, and, hell, labor support from old MMM to get it going.

The green burial movement, already well-established in the U.K., had been growing in the U.S., largely as a result of the Ramsey Creek Preserve, a conservation burial ground that conserves the land in a natural state. Green burial is traditional burial: simple and environmentally friendly (none of the swimming pools full of formaldehyde that are pumped into cadavers, no unsustainably harvested wood, stamped metal caskets, toxic paints, concrete vaults, or pesticides and copious water for manicured cemeteries).

Here in Colorado, the pine beetle epidemic was devastating our lodgepole pine forests, but leaving a lot of dead trees with beautiful blue grain (from a fungus that feeds on the beetle’s waste).

With some support from Karen Van Vuuren, who runs a nonprofit helping families direct their own funerals (and has now started The Natural Funeral), I was able to start getting the word out and selling a few caskets here and there. And it turns out that the media is really interested in things like death and beetlekill wood.

The Denver Post ran a front page article on my business in 2010 – many people saved that article, and when they’re ready, I get a call for a casket (to this day I’m still getting calls from that article). The New York Times mentioned Nature’s Casket (they never contacted me, so my mom was the first one to tell me about that). The Wall Street Journal sent a guy out to do a piece on beetle kill (I wasn’t mentioned in the article, but had a lot of time in the accompanying video). National Geographic sent one of their photographers out to take photos of the caskets at a funeral, but we didn’t make the magazine. There was also a nice story in Longmont’s Times Call newspaper.

Soon I was shipping coffins around the country. One of the most interesting gigs was when we built and reinforced eleven oversized caskets (with MMM on welding and metalworking support) that could hold up to a ton; these were for the reinterment of a 19th Century family cemetery in Virginia that was being moved to make room for a high school football stadium (most of the remains were biodegraded, so they included all the dirt from each plot).

This is where I should mention that I’m kind of success-averse. Nature’s Casket could have been a large business with an industrial shop and a storage warehouse if I had pursued that path. Instead I stopped shipping (too onerous and stressful) and ceased most advertising. Now it’s just a local business, and I average less than one casket a month – it’s still quite rewarding, but there are other projects to focus on.

Miscellaneous Mini Businesses and Pursuits

MMM:

Scattered in among these years were a few smaller things. The time you started designing your own greeting cards and printing them on fancy textured recycled paper. Then there was Simple Brew Kits, which was just assembling the required components for converting good grocery store cider into booze. A photography pursuit that started with just taking your daughter to over twenty of Longmont beautiful parks and ended up culminating in a show at the city’s museum.

Oh! And then of course the time you went to Scotland with two friends and some quickly researched photo equipment and shot a feature length film that ended up in the Front Range Film Festival – despite the fact that none of you had any experience or training in filmmaking. What was that all about?

Luc: Recycled Greeting Cards was actually born in the late ‘90s, around the time I started the painting biz. At one point I had pretty high hopes for RGC, even attending the National Stationery Exhibit in New York. That business was mostly a failure, although I have one loyal business customer who still buys a thousand or so cards a year.

Simple Brew Kits was a business I started for a blog post that I never published titled “How To Start A Business In One Day.” And that’s essentially what I did, filling out all the paperwork and putting up the website in a day. I didn’t sell many, though, until your post about the business, after which I was suddenly inundated with hundreds of orders. That slowly tapered off, and recently I decided to shut it down for good. Again my success aversion won the day. But we made a lot of fun (and some disgusting) drinks out of that whole deal, and I’ll still occasionally bust out some fermented cider or grape juice.

The photography gig was a byproduct of becoming a parent. My daughter was born in the spring of 2006. After my wife’s maternity leave, I became a stay-at-home dad off and on for a couple years. I wanted a project that would get us outside, but that would also provide me with something exciting. I decided we would visit each one of Longmont’s city parks and take pictures. I just had a little point-and-click dealio, but it took decent pictures.

A few years and thousands of pictures later, I chose one photo from each park and submitted the project to the Longmont Museum. To my surprise, they accepted the show, and even helped me publish a book of the photos. It was a gratifying experience and has led to more photography projects – something I’ll continue to pursue.

The Scotland film, Carve The Runes, came from an idea I had many years ago to get a group of friends together, rent a castle in Scotland, and produce a music album (despite having no musical talent). Over time, the idea morphed into making a film instead. I was able to convince my brother Isaac and a good friend, Ian, that this was in fact a realistic and good idea.

And so, in 2015, we spent ten days traveling around Scotland, filming and, well, just filming – we didn’t have time for anything else. I had envisioned some time for fly fishing and golfing in between shoots, but damn, making a movie is hard.

The film is about two brothers, one of whom has a terminal illness and goes to visit his brother in Scotland, where he’s doing climate change-related research. The basic idea for the film was laid out beforehand, but most of the script was written on the fly (I didn’t think we would use a script). Ian was cinematographer/sound guy/key grip/best boy, and maybe more important, moral support. We didn’t sleep much, and we drank a lot of scotch. It took us a couple years, but we finally finished post-production at the beginning of 2018.

We submitted it to a number of film festivals, and were happy to be accepted into our local Front Range Film Festival, where we won Best Feature (out of a limited selection). The acting and cinematography are suspect, but the soundtrack (friends and acquaintances) and screenplay, if I may say so, are legit; I’d love it if we could remake this with some real producers and actors (Francos, Afflecks, are you reading this? Or maybe the leads should be sisters).

A Quixotic Urban Oasis and the Big Dig

A few thousand pounds of concrete? all in a morning’s work.

MMM:

Surely the most concentrated demonstrations of your varied efforts and interests is in your own house. Because we restored it together from its original tippy skeleton into a solid and classy residence. But then a few years later went on to add a two story addition all the way up from the hand-dug structural piers. And then to build the garage workshop which has turned into an enviable hobbit-like enclave of living and productivity, both inside and out.

But all of this pales in comparison to the most recent upgrade, the Big Dig where you hand-dug about 60,000 pounds of concrete and soil out of your own basement (with occasional help from a beer-fueled team of other local Dads) to upgrade it from the typical Victorian house storage cellar into a very functional Man Cave complete with golf simulator and workout room.

What has driven you to go so far, when some people won’t even change a furnace filter? Any downsides and pitfalls?

Luc’s Hobbit-esque backyard oasis and workshop/garage, carved from an area that was originally just weeds and concrete.

Luc: I have labeled myself an eclectic: someone who loves to continually explore new ideas and embark on new adventures. The peril is getting so wrapped up in the novelty component that one never finishes anything – what I call dilettantism. This is part of my success aversion: I love to get a project or a business up and running, but it’s hard to continue to find it rewarding once it becomes quotidian. Routine is anathema to eclectics. Most of my projects reach a level of fruition that’s satisfactory to me, but I still think I can strike a balance that leaves things more complete.

To use my house as a metaphor, I’ve completed a number of satisfying projects (with a lot of help from people like you (mostly you, in fact)), but in the meantime many of the details have been overlooked: we need a new kitchen faucet, a toilet needs to be re-seated, I could organize the cookware situation better (and oh, by the way, I should probably spend a little more time with the family).

In the mid-aughts, I was working on figuring out what I wanted to be when I grew up – I decided to embrace my eclectic nature. Now in the late teens, I’m realizing I need to fine tune that to incorporate more focus, responsibility, meticulousness and perseverance.

Physical Fitness and Doing Experiments On Yourself

MMM: Another unusual trait I’ve noticed is that you seem to operate in extremes. You can eat a plate of cookies or drink a bottle of wine in one sitting, but then also go for three days straight with zero food during a fast. You’ve tried a variety of 30-day experiments in different eating styles, following them up with weigh-ins and blood tests to see how they affect your good and bad cholesterol counts. You adopted weight training and have stuck with it for many years now.

This is different from my own approach, where I eat roughly the same thing year after year, making only small tweaks – like I lift heavier barbells and eat more carbs if I want to gain weight, and cut out beer and go to bed hungry when I need to lose fat.

Have you noticed anything about the Human body and what makes it function best? Any advice for people who are prone to binging, on getting control of their eating and drinking habits?

Luc: Oscar Wilde, perhaps after bingeing on absinthe, said “Everything in moderation, including moderation.” That was kind of my motto for much of my youth, and it fits well with the eclectic personality. But if you only practice moderation in moderation, I discovered, you tend to feel like shit a lot and you weigh about 20 pounds more than you should. I’ve modified the motto to Everything in moderation, including gluttony.

I think everybody’s different in terms of what works best for them to stay in shape and feel healthy, but there are some common threads. In our simple carb-y society, one of the easiest ways to eat better is to cut out most simple carbs (but, if you’re like me, allow yourself an occasional plate of cookies).

After all my fasting and intermittent fasting and super low fat and super low carb and alcohol temperance experimenting (and reading the research), I’ve come to a few fairly simple conclusions. First, a low glycemic diet (like the Mediterranean diet) seems to be the best. And eating within a fairly small window each day, say from noon to 6, is healthy. Of course, less alcohol on a daily basis is good.

With the new gym, I plan to have a regular but varied workout that includes weightlifting and short bursts of intense cardio on the bike. And, for eclectics like me, mixing it up and allowing myself to occasionally break the rules is key to continued success.

The YouTube Channel and Online Pursuits

At some point, I remember you started documenting your projects on YouTube. This has grown into a bit of a “channel” where at least one of your videos has over 100,000 views.

I have always hesitated to put up videos myself, because so much of YouTube is slickly produced and well-edited today and I am shy to put up my amateur work – much like the fearful theme that started us off on this whole article today. But you didn’t seem to care, and you just did it, and now the channel is out there.

How has your YouTubing experience been and do you have advice for anyone else? How hard would it be for a YT channel to become a successful business?

Luc: Ha ha, yes, the YouTube project has been quite an adventure. Currently there are three videos with over 100,000 views, including the Atwood remodel video, with over 750,000 views (you’re in that video – how does it feel to be a rock star?). What’s funny is the Atwood video was really poorly produced, yet it still somehow went semi-viral in the spring of 2017, spiking from an average of about 400 views a day to a peak of 21,000 views. That tapered off over the next year and a half, but I’ve made almost $1500 on that video. I’ve been trying to push the traffic from that vid to an updated and better produced version of the video, with limited success.

Like a lot of my other projects, the YouTube project has been a gung ho endeavor, jumping in with both feet in spite of limited skill and experience. A more well-thought out plan, executed with better focus, may have lead to more success. Then again, it might not have gotten off the ground if I had been too cautious.

In my newly grown up and focused life-phase, I hope to grow the channel into one that attracts more subscribers and maybe even provides enough income to buy more than a meal out on the town every month. Still, I have to keep that eclectic feel – I mean who doesn’t want to see everything from remodel work to creative pumpkin carving to insect eating to casket building to Trump parody to crazy body hair shaving? I have about 30 projects in the can as we speak, just waiting to be edited and uploaded.

(MMM note: did you catch that? Thirty projects we haven’t even mentioned in this article, including the time he tried to earn a Guinness world record by carving a 27 foot “Mustache” into his own body hair?)

The best advice I can give to aspiring YouTubers is don’t have a shaky camera – man does that drive people nuts, as I’ve been told again and again by people who watch the original Atwood video (there’s a lot of anger out there, as you well know, MMM). There’s something to be said for the amateur folksiness of YouTube, but there’s a balance between unwatchability and being too slickly produced (I’m still working on finding it). I’m probably the wrong guy to ask about what people want to see, but I imagine it’s pretty much anything you have an interest in, as long as the video is useful or entertaining.

Financial Independence and What’s Next?

Neighbourhood friends sampling Luc’s Sauteed Crickets at a party

MMM: As the years have gone on, you’ve remained a self-employed person and never stopped working hard on things. But I have noticed your work progressing from hardcore grinding out of professional painting jobs near the beginning, to more eclectic stuff now that is less income oriented. For example, the time you raised edible insects in your basement and researched and wrote an academic paper on how good it would be for the world if we switched some of the rich world’s meat consumption over to nutritionally superior stuff like cricket flour or bee brood. Not a lot of money in that type of thing, at least not to pay this month’s grocery bills.

What has been your secret to this decreased pressure on income making, and would you say you have a better work-life balance now than you had back in 2005?

Luc: Primarily because of my real estate investments, I’m fortunate enough to be in a position where most of my projects don’t need to make money. To me, the end goal in life is fulfillment, and the only way to achieve fulfillment is by making the world a better place, whether through service to the community, producing beautiful works of art, fighting for peace and justice in the world, writing a blog that denounces materialism and promotes sustainable living (wink wink), or just by being a good person to those around you.

A lot of my projects still focus on things that improve my own life, but more and more I hope to work on projects that help others, from the hyperlocal (being a better father and husband and friend) to the local (being more involved in our community) to the global. On the local front, one project you and I have worked on a little together is trying to get more solar power in Longmont. On the global level, I’ve been working with my father, E.G., on The Cooperative Society Project, a decades-long project that looks at the potential for humans to make the transition to a new stage of human interaction: one driven by cooperation rather than conflict.

The way I see it, the beauty of financial independence isn’t freedom from work, it’s the freedom to work on a fulfilling life.

An Afterword from MMM:

So this is a long article. What does it have to do with YOU and your own financial independence?

I have wanted to share these tales because they’re a great example of the idea of living with less fear. The neat thing about Luc’s entrepreneurial ventures is that he is willing to do things, even if he’s not skilled or experienced at them. They often don’t pan out, and that’s okay, because it’s okay to fail. In most cases, failure is just a lesson that leaves you further ahead than when you started, with some great stories to show for it too.

But to minimize the damage of failure and maximize the chance of success in entrepreneurship, Luc and I have both noticed a pattern over these thirteen years:

Start Small and Just Sell Something – most failed businesses start with borrowing and risk. Instead, you should find a customer first and get them interested in buying your stuff. Only after the sales come, should you reinvest some of this money into a bigger business.

Hard Work Can Save You from your Mistakes – when you’re getting started in anything, you will make expensive mistakes. But you can dig in harder and correct them and learn from them. You need to be willing to launch the business out of your spare room, be your own janitor, and make late night runs to the supply store or the post office to get those shipments out. Plenty of time for kicking back and gathering passive income later on, once the business is profitable

Keep Life Simple, Frugal and Stay Focused – a business takes time to build and it takes a while for it to start producing money. But if you enjoy it as your source of entertainment, it will naturally get the time it needs: Spend your weekends in the workshop instead of the golf course or the ski hill. And if you let go of material desires, you won’t be nearly as hungry for money. So while a $20,000 per year hobby business won’t even cover the lease payments on your neighbour’s pickup trucks, it may be more than enough to keep you well fed and happy, for life.

If you’ve got a lifestyle business that you love, feel free to share it in the comments beow and inspire the other people reading alongside you.

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* In this article I profile Luc, but he is of course part of a hardworking and resilient family of four. His wife is also a friend of mine and an equally wonderful person, but I have kept this story just focused on Luc in the interest of the privacy of the rest of the family.