#i was listening to nirvana when i wrote this

[dedalvs]

I've been listening to the langtime studio chats and it's made me wonder, what are some of your favorite hard rock/heavy metal bands? What kind of genres do you tend to enjoy?

What is and is not metal has changed over the years. It's kind of like how in the 90s every single new band was "alternative", a genre designation which ended up meaning nothing. I loved (and still love) bands like Van Halen, Bon Jovi, the Scorpions, and Def Leppard, which, believe it or not, were considered metal at one time or another. I was also a huge fan of Soundgarden which was called metal on an episode of Northern Exposure I recently rewatched. But my first real metal band was Megadeth.

In 1994 Megadeth came out with an album called Youthanasia which was accompanied by a music video for the song "Train of Consequences" that ran on MTV. The same way that Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" begins with a drum solo that's reminiscent of a motorcycle engine, the guitar in the beginning of "Train of Consequences" is reminiscent of a steam train engine. Trains are something that have always fascinated me, so the video caught my attention. Soon I was looking forward to it in the regular rotation of music videos on MTV (at the time, this would've been Weezer, Stone Temple Pilots, Soundgarden, Coolio, Nirvana, Liz Phair, TLC, etc. [all good stuff!]). The singer of a band can really turn me on or off, and Dave Mustaine's voice is unique. At the time, when I thought of metal, it was primarily screaming, but Dave Mustaine was singing, and I found that interesting. I bought the album, and soon had all of Megadeth's albums. I was hooked.

From Megadeth, I moved on to Metallica, when I learned that Dave Mustaine formed Megadeth after getting kicked out of Metallica. Metallica itself was an interesting story at that time. They came out with the black album, which was a mega mega hit (and controversially so, as metal fans saw it as a departure from real metal), and then they disappeared, with Nirvana and alternative taking over. Then, after years of nothing, suddenly they release a new song, "Until It Sleeps", which sounds...weird. It was followed by the album Load, which...I mean, listen to "Mama Said" and tell me that's metal. I heard "Hero of the Day" played on Coast—the adult easy listening station. Whether you could get into or not, it definitely did not sound like Metallica—or metal, as we understood it. They did accidentally invent the band Volbeat with Load, for which we must all be grateful, but still, with Megadeth getting a new lineup very album, Metallica going off the rails, Iron Maiden with Blaze Bailey, it was clear that metal was moving forward, so I needed to move backwards.

I started going back and finding any metal band from the 80s that I'd heard of to see what I liked. Guns N' Roses and Ozzy Osbourne were easy favorites. I dug everything they did. Other more glam/hair metal bands I didn't really get into as much—Poison, White Snake, Mötley Crüe, LA Guns… But then I found Queensrÿche. Queensrÿche was the favorite band of my history teacher, so I gave them a listen. They'd come out with a new album, Promised Land, and then I happened to get as my second album of theirs Rage for Order, and I lucked into what would end up being my two favorite Queensrÿche albums and two of my favorite albums of all time. The album Rage for Order is sheer perfection—and one of my name-alikes is thanked in the Special Thanks section! I mean, look at this photo:

If that isn't a fuckin' mood! Geoff Tate singing like a gothic opera singer, everything that can have a harmony being harmonized, every one of them taking every aspect of it so desperately seriously. This album is an entire genre all by itself. It was so good Stratovarius wrote, essentially, a terrible fan fiction song based on "Screaming in Digital" (with, perhaps, some influence from "NM 156" from Queensrÿche's first album The Warning). It also serendipitously to introduced me to Dalbello (a real life Robin Sparkles transformation), whom everyone should check out (seriously, check out whomanfoursays. She just laid it all out).

Queensrÿche also disappointed after Promised Land in the 90s, but I want to return to Iron Maiden. My introduction to Iron Maiden was The X Factor. This was their 1995 album, the first with former Wolfsbane singer Blaze Bayley. I didn't know that. I assumed what I was listening to was the Iron Maiden—the ones Bill and Ted waxed so eloquently about. All I could determine is that maybe they just got old...? I didn't get how the band I was listening to could have ever been popular.

Fast forward a couple years and I'm listening to the only metal show left on SoCal radio after KNAC died and I hear a song that sounds like nothing I've ever heard before. Fast-paced with a beat like galloping horses and a singer with power, range, vibrato, but also a kind of wild, undisciplined menace not found in more refined singers like Geoff Tate of Queensrÿche. Who was this band?! Clearly someone from the 80s I hadn't heard, but I thought I'd heard everything. The song finished, and then the DJ came on listing all the songs in the set, finishing up with "Run to the Hills" by Iron Maiden.

Clearly I had been duped. I went back to the record store to look up Iron Maiden's old albums and, lo and behold, only the most recent album featured Blaze Bayley. Before that there were seven albums featuring lead singer Bruce Dickinson.

A few albums later, Iron Maiden was my favorite metal band. Pretty soon I'd listened to everything—including the first two with Paul DiAnno which I would come to appreciate later—and I was disappointed. There was nothing left! Iron Maiden came out with a new album with Blaze, and we were cursed with "Como Estáis Amigos?" and other disappointments, but it became clear that the Iron Maiden I'd falle in love with was a thing of the past. Imagine what I felt when I was back home from college and heard on the radio a commercial for a new Iron Maiden album with a song I'd never heard being sung by none other than Bruce Dickinson. The song was "The Wickerman", the album was Brave New World, and I would go on to see Bruce Dickinson and Iron Maiden in concert six times—and a seventh coming this October (with the Hu!!!!!! I'm so pumped!!!!!).

There's a lot more to tell here—like the time I visited my ex-girlfriend in Michigan after she'd moved away hoping to rekindle a relationship that I didn't realize was deader than 8-track only to be introduced to Dream Theater by her older brother, or the time the company my friend worked for was hacked with all computers playing a song that would introduce me to Finnish heavy metal, or how looking into James Ronny Dio led me to the truly baffling yet kind of sweet story of Blackmore's Night—but as this is getting long, here are some highlights that haven't yet been mentioned with one song I'll recommend (bands with an asterisk I've seen live):

European Power Metal

Nightwish* ("Bless the Child")

Sonata Arctica* ("My Selene")

Epica ("Cry for the Moon (The Embrace that Smothers, Part IV)")

Lacuna Coil* ("Our Truth")

Delain* ("Stardust")

Amberian Dawn ("I Share with You This Dream")

Helloween ("Power")

Sound-Alike Bands

Crimson Glory ("Lonely")

Autograph ("Hammerhead")

Enforcer ("From Beyond")

The Sword ("Lament for the Aurochs")

Proto-Metal

Black Sabbath* ("Sweet Leaf")

UFO ("Doctor, Doctor")

Deep Purple ("Burn")

Hawkwind ("Assault and Battery/The Golden Void")

Not Quite Metal

Faith No More ("From Out of Nowhere")

X-Japan ("Silent Jealousy")

System of a Down ("Chop Suey")

Tool* ("Sober")

Monster Magnet* ("Mastermind")

The Mars Volta ("Goliath")

Mdou Moctar ("Ilana")

All right, I put a lot of time into finding all those links, so listen to some of those songs! I could write a book on this. I've already taken two hours too long, though. Need to get back to the stuff they pay me to do! >.<

[heartz4shauna]

shaunanat headcanons? 😋

warnings: erm none. all pre-crash headcanons i guess but it doesn’t make a difference

hello! so so sorry this took me so long to do i didn’t want to. anyway hope this is okay !! i wrote this whilst watching titanic in the corner of my screen so. heavily influenced probably

shauna who writes little love letters and poems for natalie when she has a free period.

natalie who, despite saying she doesn’t like that cheesy stuff, keeps the notes shauna gives her under her bed in a shoebox.

shauna who loves listening to nirvana. not because she likes the music, no no. but because she gets to see natalie bop her head to the beat and pretend to play guitar.

natalie who always asks shauna how she gets her hair so shiny. as natalie bleached her hair, she thinks her hair is fried and scratchy, whilst shauna has virgin hair and would never think about doing anything to it. shauna doesn’t mind natalie’s “fried” and “scratchy” hair. in fact, she loves playing with it, mainly because she thinks natalie’s hum of contentment is endearing.

shauna who loves sci-fi movies, especially ones like back to the future. she always drags natalie over to her house, “trust me. there’s this new one out, i’ve heard it’s really good.”

natalie who used to think science fiction was for nerds. once she got to watching a few, she actually began to like them and even bought some on vhs to watch at home. she prefers thrillers overall though.

shauna who doesn’t wear a whole lot of jewellery, she trusts a solid pair of earrings to hold her outfit together, maybe a dainty necklace if she’s feeling it. she loves to buy jewellery for nat, though.

natalie who has a huge collection of rings, earrings, necklaces, the things alike. she loves chunky necklaces and layering them, too. almost every special occasion, she’s gifted a new pair of earrings or ring from shauna. cheap ones, of course, but she loves them nonetheless.

shauna who is willing to get into a fist fight with any fucker who tries to talk shit about her or natalie.

natalie who reassures shauna that it’s not a big deal, she’s used to it. shauna can’t stand it though.

shauna who traces soft circles over natalie’s skin whilst she’s sleeping. she likes to watch over natalie as she sleeps, knowing that she’s safe next to her.

natalie who often pretends to be asleep, just so she can feel that soft, caring touch. she mostly pretends to sleep normally after a long day of practice; shauna’s soft hands such a great change from the roughness of the field.

shauna who is always the one to host their sleepovers, especially when things aren’t great at natalie’s. she sets up a blanket on the couch, popcorn and a movie for when natalie shows up at her door looking a little bit gloomy, pillow in hand.

natalie who feels guilty looking to stay at shauna’s almost every other night. she feels like she takes up too much room and doesn’t help out enough. truth is, shauna could never be happier, knowing that the girl she loves the most, finds comfort in her.

shauna who is not a morning person. she usually wakes up early, though. she’s always super groggy until it hits around 11am. she prefers the quiet and stillness of the night. once everyone has gone to bed and it’s just her and her blondie.

natalie who couldn’t agree more. she hates the busyness of the morning, the chaos of getting ready. she normally wakes up about 15 minutes before school starts, but she’s rarely tardy. she prefers the late night drives to the gas station, for whatever it may be, the loudness of tens of people talking at a party, she prefers that over arguing any day.

shauna who prefers dogs over cats. frankly because she thinks dogs are kinder than cats, more friendly and less stuck up.

natalie who prefers cats. she likes the poise and elegance of cats. the smoothness of the way they move and how little they shed.

shauna who collects vinyls.

natalie who collects cds.

shauna who prefers tea.

natalie who prefers coffee.

shauna who prefers going to a pool. she hates the feel of sand and prefers the closed-offness and privacy of a pool. she likes reading by the pool, without a bunch of kids kicking up sand as they run past her.

natalie who prefers going to the beach. she loves the patterns of seashells and skipping them into the water. she prefers the open-ness of the beach. she says, if she could, she would swim to the other side of the world.

shaunanat who are my babygirls and should have no bad things happen to them ever!!!

[white-poppie]

ST✩RBOY: random hxh hcs

Now playing- STARBOY by The weekend ft. Killua, Kurapika, Chrollo, Illumi Tw: dissociation

💿 Kurapika

The most perfect man there is to exist!!?!!

So I know Kurapika had to almost grow up by himself, so I think he can handle household chores very well.

I would like to think that he somehow discovers baking. I just know he would be good at it <3

I just know he has super pretty cursive handwriting -sighs dreamily-

If you hug him, I know he would be so hesitant, but would slowly nuzzle deeper. If you were close to him and finally hug him, he would literally try his best to hold back tears (Please tell him, it's okay to cry!)

He smells so good omfg. I can't decide between Vanilla or some earthy smell, either way, it's so comforting yet at the same time it's like *eyes roll to the back of head*

You can read this for more scent hcs: Serenade my Senses

Call him pretty boy and he would be so shocked the first time, but as he gets used to it, he gives coy smile <33

I like the think it takes him a long time to get comfortable, but when he does it's so soft that it feels like breathing air. He is so touch-starved tho, so I can imagine him getting clingy after a while. (same bro same)

He is the knuckle and neck kisses type of dude *cue the flusters*

He hates Andrew Tate and his fans like he would go spit on them if could, this guy has the most healthy masculinity in all of anime and I love him for that.

Doesn't really understand the concept of memes tbh, he needs some explaining but he will laugh a little when you send them, he will once in a blue moon send memes but only the cat ones.

(realises how much I wrote for him while about to write more. This man has me on a chokehold frfr)

💿 Killua

He has trans-supporting t-shirts for him and Alluka. They are all matching.

Takes Alluka to pride parades! He has them sat on his shoulder the entire time too!!

Cant comfort a person even if his life depends on it. If you are crying he is just there like 🧍, awkwardly offering you some chocolate robots tho.

He just can't sit without moving every second! Literally a cat 😒

Older! Killua around 16-17 is a massive flirt! He is so quick to pull out reactions from anyone and takes a sick pleasure in it too??

Calls himself 'The Rizz lord' unironically.

His top Spotify artists would be Chase Atlantic, Mother-mother, The Scotts, Nirvana, Mitski and the Arctic Monkeys. Basically really an alt-rock/indie thing going on (us bro.)

💿 Chrollo

Mansplain, Manslaughter, Manwhore, Manipulate, Malewife ™️

Reads macabre literature like Crime and Punishment, No longer human, if we were villains, the secret history etc.

Tbh I feel like unlike how the fandom portrays him, he is a rather normal dude.

Gothic Academia ultra pro max.

Did the Soldier/Poet/King test, wanted 'king' but got 'poet'

Doesn't have pets because he thinks he can not take care of them

He loves animals tho, idk he seems the birds type of guy.

He likes the 'ominous' kind of birds more; like Ravens, Crows, Vultures and eagles.

Listens to Lana Del Ray and Maneskin, no questions asked.

Is scared of diving into conspiracy theories because he knows he would get sucked into the black hole because he is very interested in morbid things.

He is a DC fan, especially Gothan chronicles. (is that what it's called? Yk the things related to Gotham: joker, poison ivy, harlequin etc.)

Tried journalling once, failed terribly, and stopped after a week.

💿 Illumi

Oh wow, he is a difficult one to write about, but you guys love him, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I hate to say this, but I think he frequently dissociates, usually for very short periods of time, he doesn't even know it tbh, just thinks he is out of the element.

He is subconsciously under a lot of stress so his mind tries to flee from it by dissociating.

I wrote a little more about this here: Stuck in a vicious cycle

I think he likes potted plants, especially succulents. He is patient so I can see him take care of even the very difficult ones.

If he is going on a mission, he would go to his mother (because he cannot trust his siblings and father in this matter) like 'take care of my child.'

She actually manages to keep it alive somehow??

I think he knows how to do origami (he saw a child making a paper crane once and got curious.)

Illumi genuinely doesn't know how to care for his hair, he just follows whatever his mom tells him to do, so thank Kikuyo for those luscious tresses.

He has a hyper-fixation on mushrooms (not the psychedelic kind you weirdo). He knows the names of a lot of mushrooms.

Just imagine him and Hisoka taking walk and he randomly spots a mushroom and mumbles to himself 'Coprinus comatus'

and Hisoka is like:

(yes it's a bad meme, but it's the effort that counts)

🏷 Tags: @denkis111, @jazzylove, @lordmypantsaresocool, @futuristicallykawaiiturtle, @kristaline2dmensimp,@rintaroubby @nanaseishiro @innerpurple, @cleaningfairylevi, @webawee

⤷‧₊˚ Hunter x Hunter (ハンタ x ハンタ)

🥀 BYI/DNI ♡⌇ Request Rules 𓏸 🗝️ ₊﹒《 Join my Taglist •

[fromtenthousandfeet]

Smells Like Steady Vocals and Perfect Pitch

Part 1.

I wrote this on April 5th, 2024 in a fit of rage/inspiration. I wasn't going to post it but I've decided to anyway because I'd like to give a little perspective about why Jimin, out of all the members of BTS, is popular in the US, and why I think he has amazing potential as a solo artist if he's given the right team and tools.

*******

Today is the 30th anniversary of Kurt Cobain's death, so it feels like a sign from the heavens that it's time to write a post I've been composing in my head for months.

So often when I'm on Twitter/X looking for information about Jimin, I see one nasty comment after another downplaying his singing, his artistry, and his talent in general. The phrase repeated the absolute most by the fandom of a particular member is that the reason HYBE invests in one above all the others is because he has the most stable singing voice. And perfect pitch. And the perfect tone for pop music.

Frankly, I get so sick of reading those comments, but I also have to laugh, because it shows such a fundamental misunderstanding of what appeals to music fans in the US/Western countries.

If you open Spotify right now and search for Nirvana, you will see 31.1 million monthly listeners! As a reminder, their last album was released 30 years ago and they only put out 3 major label albums over a 3 year period. Meanwhile, BTS has 28.6 monthly listeners and has a discography a mile long and a career spanning more than 10 years.

Do you honestly think that Nirvana has enjoyed so much popularity over the years because Kurt Cobain had perfect pitch and could sing live? Yeah, no.

I remember where I was the first time I heard "Smells Like Teen Spirit." I couldn't decide if I loved it or hated it, but the song held a strange grip on me. It was sooo different than all the other popular music at the time, even in the alternative scene. It wasn't quite punk, wasn't quite heavy metal. The song was angry and raw, but also oddly charming. But mostly, it was refreshingly different from all the highly produced music that was on radio stations' rotations at the time. Don't believe me? Here's a link to the Billboard Top 100 on the week "Smells Like Teen Spirit" was initially released:

Check out the list and tell me how many of these songs you know. Probably a few, but not many have withstood the test of time (shout out to 3 a.m. Eternal by The KLF, though. That was a fun song).

This was the #1 song that week:

Didn't like it then. Don't like it now.

Now compare that to Smells Like Teen Spirit:

Look at the Billboard list again. Lots R&B (love), dance tracks, a smattering of college radio/alternative tunes, and a whole lot of what we would call easy listening/adult contemporary music. A snooze fest. Nirvana came along at the right time when the American music audience was in desperate need of something more authentic and not so over produced.

Sorry for this long-winded pop music history lesson. Believe it or not, I have a point to make. Americans like a huge range of music styles (as can be seen on the current Billboard charts). We get bored easily. We don't demand a steady voice or perfect pitch. What we want is something new. Something innovative. Something authentic. The biggest western pop stars who have enjoyed long careers in North America know that they must push boundaries and release new, unexpected material in order to stay relevant.

Be it BTS' English trilogy, songs that blatantly emulate American pop singers, or the conveyor belt of 2 minute TikTok-ready tunes sung by Korean girls, so far it doesn't seem like we should expect anything terribly innovative or cutting edge now that Big Hit has morphed into HYBE with its many labels/subsidiaries. Fickle American audiences will move on quickly, in my humble opinion.

One last thing. The US is a huge country with very diverse cultures based upon geographical location. Gender, age, ethnicity, urban vs. rural, and region of the US all influence what people are listening to. What's popular in Atlanta isn't necessarily popular in Salt Lake City, for example. Americans are not a homogenous group and neither is our taste in music.

[cherrylng]

Upcoming Victories UK ‘00 - Muse - Matt Bellamy interview [BUZZ (November 2000)]

"'Compared to dance music, nothing great ever comes out of rock music, no matter how many years we wait. I'm going to start a new rock scene here.' That's what I thought when I started MUSE."

Out-of-this-world heaviness, out-of-this-world dramaturgy. What is the frustration, sense of purpose and impulse of MUSE and Matthew Bellamy to shake up a situation where only sing-along music can survive?

Text by Shinji Hyogo Interpretation by Makoto Takami

I noticed that in every issue I wrote things like "The new UK bands today are all sing-along bands that haven't been able to escape the influence of Oasis even though it's been years since their breakthrough" or "their sound is not as strong as dance or American heavy rock". There are issues where I don't write about it, but I write about it in the JAPAN record reviews that month. Do I want to make enemies with UK rock fans? Do I really hate them that much? When Coldplay's new album arrived, I was happy and listened to it every day. I also liked the new REEF stuff. I praised Placebo in the record reviews in the previous issue, and I love Oasis to begin with. What's so bad about it, me?

I thought about it and realised that the point is that I don't like the "same" thing. I've written about this before, but when I listened to the songs of creators from all over the world who uploaded their own work to MP3.com, I felt really depressed because they were all Aphex Twin imitations. Why do they go to the trouble of being "the same" or "under the influence of XXX" when they are in a field where they can do whatever they want with their music? Isn't it a waste? Isn't it uninteresting for both the performers and the listeners? First of all, you can't win if you do the same thing. I can't say that I haven't been influenced by someone else, or that I haven't written similar texts to someone else, but I think so with a sense of self-discipline. This was the lead sentence of an interview with MUSE. It is said that Radiohead and Nirvana have a strong influence on the band, and they admit it, and in fact, when I listen to the band, I certainly think so. However, I can't help but feel that I can see "beyond" the dramatic, dynamic, heavy and loud feel of their songs, the fragile beauty of their melodies, the sheer skill of their playing and vocalisation, and above all, the swell and dynamism of their sound.

There are strong sounds. MUSE's sound is strong too. However, the fact that this strength is different from alternative, (current) punk or American heavy rock is clearly expressed in the first album "SHOWBIZ" released earlier this year and the Japanese compilation "RANDOM 1-8" released in time for the band's visit to Japan in the middle of this month. Whether in melody, lyrics, or sound, what MUSE is aiming for is a sound with an intensity and drama of a type never seen before. And that's what makes you want to expect "maybe they'll change the current status quo". Matthew Bellamy answered.

I think the loud, heavy feel of MUSE's sound is what sets you apart from other UK guitar bands. 「Yeah.」

And I think there are two reasons for that. One is that American heavy rock and dance music are first of all overwhelming in terms of the intensity of sound, whereas UK rock today is not, so you had to get the intensity of sound to match it. And the second is that you needed that kind of strong sound to give form to the world that you genuinely wanted to express. 「Yeah, I think the second opinion is right. I needed that kind of sound to create what I wanted and to make music that accurately expresses my feelings, how I feel about life and so on. I've tried to make the sound as intense as possible in order to make music that is sincere and honest. I also want to convey my feelings and emotions in a way that I can enjoy. So yeah, I think you're right about that. But it's not that I felt the need to do it to get rid of the weakness of the UK rock sound. We were born and brought up far away from the mainstream British music scene, so it was a very natural progression for us to start playing this kind of music. In fact, we didn't really know much other than this kind of music growing up. I think the main reason is that we grew up in a remote and isolated place where we were shut out from the outside world. When you grow up in a place like that, you develop a unique worldview.」

Like a rare species of animal that evolved on its own on a remote island? 「(laughs) That's terrible. No, I listen to all kinds of music without preconceptions. As far as I remember, the first music I liked when I was a kid was blues music. I think I was 10 or 11 years old, and I was first into blues piano, like Ray Charles. And I learnt guitar by listening to Robert Johnson. Then, when I was 13 or 14, I became interested in more indie British music, like Wedding Present, Senseless Things, Mega City Four, and Sultans of Ping FC」

What?!?! You liked the Sultans? (Note: A B-grade band that existed in the mid-90s and was like a combination of early Manics and Iggy Pop and the Stooges.). I've interviewed them a lot. 「Oh yeah? Did you like them?」

I loved them, but when they didn't make it, I thought, "I knew it" (laughs). 「Hahahaha. So yes, I was almost exclusively focused on British music at the time. But when I was around 15 or 16, I started listening to American music too. Like Nirvana and Sonic Youth. Then I travelled around continental Europe for a while, and that's when I started listening to a lot of European folk music. I got really into Spanish flamenco guitar and started studying it myself. And also Greek music. I was also influenced by a lot of Eastern European bands and Southern European music, as well as a lot of Irish folk music. My mother is from Ireland, so we had a lot of folk music from there at home. So yeah, I've been open to all types of music.」

All of this is reflected in the sound of MUSE, isn't it? 「Right? (laughs)」

So it wasn't just a subconscious thing like, "I grew up in a remote area, so this is how it is," but you actually wanted to play music that was completely different from the mainstream scene? 「I think so, yes. The music scene in the UK was getting pretty boring at the time. There was some good dance music coming out, but there wasn't much interesting stuff going on in the rock scene. So I think that was definitely part of what inspired me to think, "I want to put out a record. No one's going to come out any time soon. Then I'll start a new rock scene here". So much was missing in rock at that time. I'm happy that some good bands have finally started to emerge recently.」

Also, I think MUSE's music and sound are very complete and dramatic. Is this something that comes naturally to you? 「Hmm…… No, I don't always make music with conviction. So it's not like I do it intentionally, it just comes naturally, or that when I make music, it sounds that way. It's not like I want a certain sound and plan it out in advance, I just write songs that honestly express how I feel. So for me, it's very personal music, but maybe new listeners will see a completely different perspective, or a dramatic side to it, like you said. For me, it's a very personal piece of music that expresses my own thoughts and feelings in the sound. However, the album I'm currently preparing will contain many different types of songs. For example…… There are some songs on there that have an unusual positivity to them, which I can't really describe. What I mean by "unusual" is that they actually sound very positive when I sing them, but they're also the hardest and most emotional songs for me to sing in a way. Maybe it's because it's so positive that it becomes hard. There will be some songs like that on the next album, and it's the first time I've ever approached songs like this, but I'm really enjoying it.」

If that's what happens when you make it naturally, doesn't that mean that your life and your life itself up until now has been dramatic in a way? 「Yeah, it certainly hasn't been normal so far. I feel like I've travelled a very long way. And I feel like I've come this far without really being aware of what's going on. I don't really know where I'm at or where I'm going. But for me, that kind of situation feels really good. I really enjoy getting lost and not knowing where I'm going. I don't know how it's going to end or when it's going to end, so it's kind of fun in a way. It's like my emotions and everything else is a blur, and that's what's really interesting. Even now, I'm so busy that I can say I don't have time to rest at all, and I feel like I don't know what's going on, but I think the more chaotic it gets, the better the music gets.」

Do you feel that you are becoming more and more sensitive to those vague and unpredictable states? 「I think I'm becoming more and more aware of them. And what I like about that feeling, and why I like it, is that I'm the kind of person who thinks that situations where you can predict what's going to happen next are uninteresting. As soon as I'm in a situation like that, I get bored and start looking for something else to do. That's why…… Yeah (laughs).」

So you're the type of person who likes to put yourself in unpredictable situations on purpose. 「Yes, that's true, haha. That's for sure (laughs).」

I understand (laughs). By the way, you've said in the past that you have a great distrust of "communicating through some kind of system", whether it's the media, the internet or religion, and it shows in your lyrics. What is the reason for your dislike and distrust to such an extent? 「Hmm…… I think it's because I grew up with a constant sense of "something's not quite right" about developments and changes in the world. But I can't really explain what that "something" is. So I'm trying to learn more about the world, about the system of government, about the system we grew up in, so that I can explain it better. Why is it that the power structures, for example, the World Trade Organisation (WTO), seem to be more and more in step with America? I'm trying to learn about the impact of that kind of system on the rest of the world. Maybe in doing so, I'm trying to learn more about that sense of "something's wrong" that I've had since I was a little kid. I'm looking at it carefully, trying to find out if it's just a fantasy or if it's real. But I think anyone can feel that kind of discomfort when they watch the news, or read a newspaper. You can feel it from all media, and you can also feel it when you talk to people who don't understand the hidden, subtle messages the media give out. When you realise that there are so many people who can't read what's being said, who don't realise that there's another movement going on behind the scenes, it makes you realise that you have to learn more.」

Does this mistrust stem from structural problems in the system? 「It's largely down to how people are informed. For example, the other day there was a huge demonstration in London against the WTO, and 26,000 people marched through the streets of London. By the way, I think 50,000 policemen were mobilised (laughs). Anyway, the media misreported that march. All the news programmes said that "everyone was at the demonstration for a riot". And that "hardly anyone turned up". They deliberately downplayed the fact that it was a very small demonstration. This is a classic example of media control of information to the public, which they probably thought was harmful to the state. Also, in the UK we have recently had a fuel shortage problem, and when the price of petrol went up, everyone started to strike at once. And what happened was that people barricaded themselves in refineries all over the place. And at one of the refineries, the police force opened the gates of the refinery and let the trucks out, and the press photos of the scene showed the gathered crowd cheering and clapping, as if they were happy that the petrol was being taken away. But in fact they were on strike there, trying to stop the petrol from being taken out. But the press just happened to film everyone clapping and made it look like they were happy that the petrol was being taken out. There were hundreds of other refineries protesting, and only one of them happened to be on the news, and they just happened to take a picture of the crowd applauding as the petrol was taken out. It was nuanced, as if the strike had failed. In fact, after the photo was published, all the refineries bowed to the pressure and stopped protesting. So, I think that in certain areas of news, the people who are involved in the press are manipulating information, especially in America, and I think it's done on a much larger scale.」

"I'm acquainted with the sing-along type bands like Coldplay, and we're actually good friends. I think it's great that they've had success. But when it comes to music, we're definitely marginalised."

So for you, does the process of pursuing your music and expressing it as a piece or performance involve a feeling of being in struggle with someone or something? 「I think it does, yes. I get confused and sometimes I don't even know how I feel or what I'm thinking about. You can think about love, or religion, or science, or the meaning of life, or simpler things that are not that complicated, but when you have to make decisions, when you have to figure out what is the right thing to do, you can get confused. Moral standards are not as clear-cut now as they used to be. In the absence of religion, moral standards become ambiguous. So there's a lot of confusion when you have to make the right decision, and confusion about what the right answer is, and that's what I'm trying to express in a lot of our songs.」

You could say that rock ‘n’ roll has been singing about themes like "despair" and "confusion" for a long time now. However, such an approach tends to lead to a dead end at some point, but I think your music is unique in that it doesn't sound claustrophobic in that way. No matter how naïve the songs are, the sound is always bold. 「Yeah. That's probably…… I just think that…… Hmmm…… I think it's because the music is flowing with me. I don't know, it's always flowing, or it's always reflecting the situation at the time. So as long as interesting changes and unpredictable things keep happening, I think the music will always be interesting.」

For example, the new bands that have been coming out of the UK recently, such as Travis, Coldplay, and even Toploader, are all sing-along bands in the vein of Oasis, Manics, and Verve, without the intensity and aggression. What do you think about that situation? 「I still can't find a band that plays the kind of music we do. Like you said, I think most of the bands are sing-along type, and that's been the trend for most UK bands for a long time. But of course I know people in those bands, and they're all very nice guys and we get on well, and I'm honestly happy that they've had such success. It's not the kind of music I really love, but that's fine. I prefer music that makes the listener more passionate, more energetic.」

Are you aware that you are quite marginalised in the current scene? 「I don't think it's the same as being "marginalised". I know them and we get on well with them. But when it comes to music, yes, I think we are marginalised. Because there is no one else.」

I think the intensity and heaviness of MUSE's sound can be attributed to your experience of American alternative rock as a listener, but having seen you live twice, my opinion is that there is actually a strong heavy metal influence. What do you think? 「……Heavy metal? I think it's one of the two extremes…… Wait a minute…… Hmm…… I don't really know, Chris and Dom listen to a lot of that kind of music, so maybe that's an influence. But I've never really listened to heavy metal. I like playing heavy music, sure (laughs). I like the dynamic transition between playing really heavy and playing really mellow. One minute you're standing still on stage, the next you're flying around. In short, I just like doing different things. I guess that's why some of the songs sound like they're influenced by heavy metal. But I don't think there's any band that I actually listen to on a daily basis that I would call that.」

I understand. But your main guitar is based on the Music Man's Eddie Van Halen model, isn't it? 「Yeah, yeah.」

I think it is very rare to find a British guitarist who uses a Floyd Rose nowadays (Note: Floyd Rose is a tremolo arm that was very popular during the metal boom in the mid-80s). 「Hahahaha. That guitar. I actually smashed that guitar at a festival in Leeds and threw it into the audience*. So, well, I don't have that guitar anymore. And in terms of stage performance, when I used to go to see bands as a kid, I always wanted to see a show where the band was just jumping around like crazy and giving everything they had on the stage. That's why I'm so fed up with British bands these days. They just stand there and look bored, like they're not enjoying themselves. But in my case, when I go out on stage, I really enjoy it, and I think that joy shows in my desire to let everyone know that we're having fun too. I think having fun is a wonderful thing, just as much as pursuing intensity and seriousness. In the case of MUSE, the music itself is often very serious and intense, so I think it's interesting to contrast that with a positive, energetic stage show. I think it makes a good contrast to the music.」

Translator's Note: This is my first time scanning the pages from BUZZ magazine, a now defunct magazine issue that was a subsidiary under ROCKIN'ON. The shape and quality of the magazine are more akin to a photobook with interviews included, really. But overtime, it really did became more of a photobook before it was sadly discontinued.

* Finding the guitar that matches Matt's description was a bit hard, but my guess was that it was a Peavey EVH Wolfgang. Matt owned two of such guitars back then, with the differences being that one was partially covered in grey tape and the other was completely covered in black tape. It was the one with the grey tape that Matt smashed it and threw into a crowd. A photographer picked it up, sold it on eBay, someone repaired it, and it was auctioned several times up until it was last seen on auction in 2018 before its listing was removed.

Now, finding when and which festival in Leeds that Matt smashed and threw the guitar to the audience is harder. There were 2 festivals in Leeds that Muse performed in August 2000 that were just 3 days apart and there are no descriptions available to pinpoint the event down. So it either happened on August 26th during Carling Weekend or on August 28th during the Leeds Festival.

Do support me on my Ko-fi! ☕

[young-violent-desperate]

The Outsiders characters as songs from my Spotify liked but I only listen to 4 bands

Okay, to create this I had to make some rules for myself or it'd be a mess. These are songs that remind me of the character. I might go at some point and make some songs I believe they'd listen too.

Ponyboy Curtis

Ambulance - My Chemical Romance

This Year - The Mountain Goats

Murder City - Green Day

Boys Dont Cry - The Cure

Sodapop Curtis

Dance, Dance - Fall Out Boy

X-Kid - Green Day

When I Come Around - Green Day

Words I Might've Ate - Green Day

Heart Shaped Box - Nirvana

Buddy Holly - Weezer

Darry Curtis

Too much, Too soon - Green Day

The Grouch - Green Day

Love, Love, Love - The Mountain Goats

Plea From A Cat Named Virtue - The Weakerthans

Can't Get My Head Around You - The Offspring

Dallas Winston

Burn Bright - My Chemical Romance

Genocide - The Offspring

Come Out Swinging - The Offspring

I Fought The Law - Dead Kennedys

Only A Lad - Oingo Boingo

Loser - Beck

Johnny Cade

Camisado - Panic! At the Disco

Dance Music - The Mountain Goats

You Or Your Memory - The Mountain Goats

All the Angels - My Chemical Romance

Gotta Get Away - The Offspring

Two-Bit Mathews

Lazy Bones - Green Day

Original Prankster - The Offspring

Who Wrote Holden Caulfeild? - Green Day

Shoplifter - Green Day

Why Bother? - Weezer

Steve Randle

Staring At The Sun - The Offspring

Dammit - Blink-182

Nice Guys Finish Last - Green Day

Father - The Front Bottoms

[tat3sbbg]

Reader meeting Tate for the first time

Tate Langdon x soft fem! reader

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: Slight NSFW? Kissing, if that counts?

ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: You had this old, crusty, dusty, musty Ouija board that you found in your basement when you moved in. You never thought you would actually use it, though, until now.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The basement stairs creaked under your feet as you walked down the stairs. Today was the day. You would finally use that old Ouija board in the basement. You weren't scared of it, in fact, you were infatuated. Much like your parents were with this creepy house.

Your parents were always huge horror fans and you were the timid, shy, soft girl who wasn't scared of horror, either. Much to everyone's surprise. Your room was pink, and most of everything you wore was pastels. Although, your music taste was mixed. Your two favorite artists were Lana Del Rey and Nirvana, quite a contrast. While we're on the topic of music, both your parents listened to 80's and 90's everything. You'd grown a tolerance for it.

A big confusion for you used to be the decision to keep it, or get rid of it. All until you noticed something coming into your room every night, or someone. You'd moved in 2 months ago, and it had been happening the entire time. You had to find out who or what this thing was. The first thought in your mind just happened to be to use that Ouija board.

Here you were, sitting down on the floor of your room, with the Ouija board. You breathed deep, and settled your hands on the planchette, and got going.

"Hello, I'm Y/N. I live here, in this room." You exclaimed, nervous as hell.

You watched as the planchette moved to the word, "Hello." At least they were polite.

"What's your name? Are you a boy or girl?" You bombarded the strange what you assumed was a ghost with questions.

You watched as the planchette moved yet again. I-M T-A-T-E, I-M A B-O-Y. You wrote each letter down, keeping one hand on the planchette. I'm Tate, I'm a boy. A boy? You had talked to many, but were ashamed to admit you were still a virgin (they get wet sooo easily). You had to come up with more, weirder questions. Just for funsies.

"How big is your dick? And will you ever actually come out and say hi to me? I wanna see you." You whined, blushing at your questions.

As if he was there all along, the boy appeared right in front of you, sitting across with his hands on his lap.

"Hi, I'm Tate." He said.

He was actually cute. You were taken aback, the music playing in the back seeming silent.

"Are you alright? What are you listening to? I used to live in this room, y'know." He rambled, standing up and walking to your phone to see what was on.

"U-Um, L-Lana Del Rey, yeah I'm fine. Just kind of surprised that you're not a scary ghost." You admitted.

Tate smiled. He looked around your room, picking things up and observing them. But his eyes kept wandering to you. For a minute, his eyes stayed on you, travelling up and down. He was observing you.

"You're really pretty. And...I don't know, cute? Everything in here is pastel. What other music do you listen to?" He asked, rambling once more.

You were taken aback. He acted like he'd know you forever. And you guessed he had. He'd probably been watching you for weeks now. You stood up with him, sitting on your bed and staring at him. It was your turn to study him. Blonde curls, deep brown eyes, tight black t-shirt and gray sweatpants. GRAY SWEATPANTS. You didn't dare look at his crotch. He cocked his head, obviously waiting for an answer to his previous questions.

"I also listen to Nirvana? I listen to others, but I rarely listen to anything other that Lana and Nirvana." You noticed he widened his eyes then smiled.

"You don't look like the type of girl to listen to Nirvana. You definitely look like a Lana Del Rey girl. I love Nirvana." He reciprocated a love for Nirvana. Wow.

You smiled. You really didn't look like the type of girl to listen to Nirvana, but you did. He was right about you. He stared for 20 seconds before either of you said anything.

"Can I touch you?" You blurted. God, why did you say that?

You immediately apologized and covered your face in your sweater. You heard him laugh and watched as he combed his hair back with his hands.

"Sure." He agreed.

You reached your hand out, putting a hand on his. You rubbed it, trying to grasp that he was really here. To your surprise, he touched you, as well. Only he touched your shoulder, running down your body until your hips. It went on like that for a few minutes until he apologized and pulled back.

"It's okay! I actually enjoyed it." You beamed.

You finally stood up, realizing he was taller than you by like a foot.

"Midget."

Your jaw dropped as he laughed at your surprise.

"I'm not that short!" You yelled.

He finally stopped laughing and patted your head. You stared up at him, and stared down at you. You sat there in silence before you finally let your eyes wander to his crotch. He immediately noticed.

"What are you lookin' at, doll?" He purred, tilting your chin up to meet his face.

You tensed up. He let go immediately, noticing your body tense.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." He mumbled, looking you in the eyes.

"No, it's fine," You quietly said, "Can I have a hug? If that's okay!" You frantically said.

You were desperate to hug the boy since you saw him. Despite being a ghost, he looked so warm and sweet. You wanted to touch him more, in a lot more ways than one. You hoped he'd kiss you, touch you, anything. Honestly, you wanted him so badly.

He nodded and opened his arms, and you embraced his torso. He embraced you, his arms larger than you thought they would be around you. He was strangely warm. You rested your head on his chest, and you felt a hand in your hair and a kiss planted on your head. You had to say something to him.

"Is it weird that I love you? Like, as more than a friend already? Your just so pretty in every way." You sputtered.

Tate's breath hitched.

"No, as long as it's not weird that I feel the same way." He smiled.

You felt a wave of relief. You thought he would think you were weird. Much to your surprise, he didn't at all. You reached a hand up to stroke his hair, pulling his hand over to the bed to sit down. You flicked the TV on, and cuddled close to him as you watched.

He suddenly kissed you gently.

"So, are we like, dating?" You asked.

"Yeah, I guess we are." He beamed once more.

You were going to like this new boy.

[misericordia-writing]

Lightning Bugs

"𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙞𝙨𝙝 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙜𝙤 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚, 𝙩𝙚𝙡𝙡 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙩𝙤 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙜𝙤𝙙-𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙨𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙣 𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙩𝙚.

𝙎𝙪𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙮, 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙮, 𝘿𝙖𝙣𝙞𝙚𝙡 𝙅𝙤𝙝𝙣𝙨𝙤𝙣 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙’𝙫𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙢𝙗𝙡𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚, 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙤𝙣 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙨."

Chapter 1 of Matchbook

Pairings: Danny Johnson/Gender-Neutral Reader

Word Count: 2.3k

Angst, Fluff

Summary: A character exploration of Danny. I've noticed most fics make him super funny and sardonic, and while I love that, I imagine I'd have huge moral qualms about dating a serial killer. So I wrote this. Not particularly dark, but depressing? I don't know. I’m sorting things out. Probably super OOC. Enjoy.

TW for canon-typical violence, implications of mental illness, and unhealthy relationships/power imbalance (naturally)

Ao3: s://archiveofourown.org/works/45585013/chapters/114704077

    "I hate that you're right."

        The words come out quietly one night, while you're sitting on a muggy balcony that smells like cigarettes and acetone. The green-gray haze of Floridian night swamping you in swaths of gnats, only gently dissuaded by a mesh screen.

        A streetlamp flickers and dulls, the painted metal cart of a dollar store clinks against its siblings, and an old man sputters and coughs up into his shirt collar.

        "About what?"

        "About people. Humanity. Life. Society. That type of stuff." You say, balancing a bottle of black nail polish on your thigh while you try to paint your toes. "How it's just primal violence. You're pretty much right."

        He doesn't respond. Normally, you wouldn’t be allowed to talk about this stuff so openly, outside, where a neighbor could hear you. But everyone is busy tonight. You’re not too surprised that he’s memorized their schedules. Furtively scratching pens into notebooks almost every single second that he’s not busy playing out stories. Too enamored to eat or sleep or wash the dishes. ‘That’s one of the reasons I keep you around,’ he had said, in partial jest, as if you were his mid-century housewife.

        "Listen, I'm not just sucking up to you like some chick in a horror movie, trying to persuade the killer that she's on his side. As applicable as that may be. You're right. Genuinely."

        "I thought you were into all of that spirituality stuff. Being good. Reaching nirvana and donating to the thrift store." He mutters, methodically scraping the debris of last night out from under his nails. Jed has work tomorrow.

        Jed Olsen is who you signed up for, back when you were still a recent college graduate, finally having gotten to the 'good' part of your life. Feeling hopeful, cheery even. Watering your plants, picking up dandelions off the side of the road, smiling at strangers. Saving up to buy a nice house someday, with a garden and personal study. Somewhere you could bake in, read in, live in. Maybe even find someone to share it with.

        ‘You were just so sweet,’ He said one time, while you were in his car. He had locked the doors and told you that he just couldn’t trust you that much, yet. But soon.

        ‘Always so withdrawn, cautious. But sweet. Barely able to deal with playing nice to co-workers, but then turning your back and smiling at weeds in the cracks of a sidewalk. Surprising, considering the way you dress. All rock n’ roll, usually. Black looks good on you. That scraped-up Walkman attached to your hip. Diverse taste. I mean, the way you seamlessly went from Bauhaus to Blondie in the span of an hour was truly something.’ Sip.

        ‘All while performing an elaborate routine in your bedroom- complete with costume changes and a hairbrush microphone. You really could be a rockstar, sweetheart. Too bad though, I don’t think that’ll happen. Maybe in your next life.’

        He paused to look at his milkshake, then dipped a fry in it. ‘Different- odd and unusual, but not in the predicable early-twenty-year old way I see a lot. Talking to the spiders you would find in your room, politely asking them to leave. So observant and smart. But ultimately, I guess you just weren’t observant or smart enough, were you?’ He barked out a laugh, triumphantly.

        He was so charming, the way he would stop by your job before work. Monday through Friday. Pretending to think for a minute, before ordering the exact same coffee as he always did. Coincidentally loving the same books, talking with you about the new episode of a sitcom you had been watching the night before. Handsome, and only a few years older, with a degree from a similar program to yours under his belt. Good reputation, wonderful penmanship. Enthusiastic, kind- but with a quick wit.

        He made you feel special- which, apparently, you were. Just not in the way you’d think.

        "I am, still." You sigh, painting, the brush spreading smooth inky black across keratin. A drop of paint drips onto the skin of your foot.

        You scrape it away with the back of your fingernail and quickly dab it to a folded paper towel.

        "Danny." You say, looking at him. "Do you think I'm a bad person?"

        He tsks, as if the question offends him. "You really want me to be the judge on ethics? Are you forgetting who I am? What I do?" A gravelly punch dips the last syllable of each sentence, almost like a growl.

        "No," You say, "I'm just asking. Besides, I thought you thought you were right? Do you think that your actions are ethical? By your logic, that we are all inherently violent and terrible, then you wouldn't be evil for acting on that. My beliefs lie somewhere in the middle. Just curious."

        He pauses, dark eyes looking down into the parking lot. The man is gone, and the cart is pushed neatly back into its place.

        Sweltering heat. He smells like detergent, the good middle-of-the-road kind. Sticky notes. Cologne. Sweat. Iron.

        "No."

        You frown, looking down through the mesh as well. Lightning bugs light up the brush at the edge of the apartment complex. “Fireflies!” You say, with childish glee. You almost forget the crushing guilt for a minute, beaming down at the glowing shrubs.

        You’re eight again, bare feet padding through wet grass, trying to catch them in a jar. Somebody is having a barbeque, and you’re going to go to bed tired and happy tonight, with a dozen itchy mosquito bites down your legs.

        You wonder what eight-year-old you would think about this situation. You wish you could go back in time, tell yourself to never move to this god-forsaken red state.

        Surely, that way, Daniel Johnson would’ve never stumbled into your life, staining you with the blood on his hands.

        He still doesn’t say anything, other than a hum, so you sit back down. Finishing the last coat of paint on your smallest toe.

        The plastic weaving of the chair digs into the backs of your thighs, and you set the polish back down on the accent table. The thermometer reads 85 degrees Fahrenheit.

        “I hate myself.” You say, feeling every bitter moment and truth from your past bubble up at once. Every scrape, burn, and cut. “I don’t understand why you do what you do. It makes me feel guilty for you. Like I’m the one doing those things. Am I not just as bad? I don't try to stop you. I should.”

        You often feel that Danny’s twenty steps ahead of you. Just waiting for the right moment. Chess and checkers.

        A bead of sweat rolls down your back, the tank top you wear doing little to reduce the humidity. You stand up and walk to stand in front of him. “But yet here I am. I’m still surprised you haven’t killed me yet. You said you were going to. Why not?”

        “I probably will when the time is right." He looks up at you for a moment, pausing before looking back at the sky.

        "If it makes you feel any better, you don’t really have a choice in what I do, or a choice in being involved with me… I would find my way in, in any situation. This is probably just some type of Stockholm syndrome kicking in. So you survive. Fun, right? Your brain and body are doing the best they can to cope with the reality. Of your situation. Of how you feel about me. Really, you’re lucky. You think all of the others wouldn't have taken this opportunity? Don’t beat yourself up about it.”

        He swats a mosquito nonchalantly.

        “Yeah, I guess so.” You say, sitting down at the foot of his lawn chair. “Do you care about me?”

        “A little bit.” He says, gaze off to the side. “Don’t let it get to your head.”

        You laugh, though you aren’t sure if he was trying to be funny. Not that it was very funny in the first place.

        “For the record,” He says, “You’ve made it longer than anyone else has. Normally I lose interest. I’m not done watching you yet. I don’t know if I want to end your story. It’s my favorite.”

        “Well, if I’m nothing else, at least I’m a serial killer’s favorite 'story'.” You roll your eyes, but there isn’t too much sarcasm behind it.

        “You make me feel the way I feel when I kill, sometimes. I don’t know if I love you, because I don’t really believe in that stuff. But I like you more than most things.” He says, fingers reaching out to twirl a lock of your hair. 

        The same fingers that dig knives into people and then snap pictures of it after. That rip intestines out and turn them into party streamers. The same fingers that would’ve done the same thing to you, too. That still might.

        That fantasize about it, twitching sometimes when you turn your back. Itching to grab you by the throat and finally write a conclusion. Aching to make you a headline.

        Fingers that move down to your neck now, feeling the red pulse of your blood. Padding up to the side of your face and wiping a welling tear away from the corner of your eye.

        Fingers that have held your hair back when you puked, and gripped your hand firmly in public when you can’t find the clarity to process all the different sounds of a supermarket. Let you pick out your favorite candy at the video store, made popcorn with you on the stove.

        Pressed your favorite VHS into the player for the third time that week, not because he found it particularly groundbreaking, but because you couldn’t get out of bed to wash your hair or eat, and that stupid movie was- for whatever reason- the only thing capable of distracting you from the thought of pink-red water slotting down the drain of his porcelain white bathtub.

         “I feel that way too, sometimes.” You rasp. “Minus the whole killing people part. I don’t know if it exists. Love. At least, not as the thing people say it is. Really relates back to the animalistic nature thing, right? Do animals feel ‘love’? We are animals. I’ve felt things like love, but never what I’m supposed to. I wish I knew. Snakes like warm rocks. Do they love warm rocks?”

         “You’re probably never going to know.” He says, bluntly, nails scratching at your scalp. You wonder if he's only doing it to get the last flakes of dried blood out. You imagine little beams coming from his fingers, wiggling into your brain and picking out all of your synapses. Mapping your psyche.

       He probably would if he could, but then he might get bored and gut you for his collage.

        “Yeah,” You sigh, “I know. But… I love you. The closest to love I think I can.”

        “I know.” On anybody else, it would sound almost pitying.

        You know that even if he loved you, he would never say it. The words will not leave his mouth. But you feel loved. The way that he touches you, the way he presses against your back sometimes, in the middle of dark, foggy nights. Covers kicked off the bed, and a face pressed into your neck. Him keeping a box of special pictures under the bed, just of you, that you don’t think he knows you know about-  but maybe he knows that you know. Some of them from before you even met. Almost all of them when you weren’t looking.

        And later that night, when you’ve locked the screen door, and he’s meticulously arranged his piles of papers, looked through his hastily (passionately) scrawled designs one more time, and finished the laundry, you two lay down in the bed. As the moonlight streams down onto his face, dark hair reflecting its soft glow, you sigh. A hand reaches out to stroke his neck, and you wonder again why he does the things he does. He lets you. You can feel the heartbeat in his throat.

        Danny hates when he falls asleep before you, but you like it. So rarely do you get to see him off-guard- innocent and peaceful, brows finally unknitted. The little scar on his forehead that he keeps covered. The slow rise and fall of his stomach against you, occasionally an upper arm tensing over your shoulder. The way he rests his face in your hair, or the crook of your neck.

        Surprisingly cuddly, for a ruthless, taunting killer, who you know for a fact has slaughtered more than enough people to fill the  floor-plan of your shared apartment, probably, if you laid them down flat.

       ‘Thirty-two,’ he’d grinned, proud of himself. ‘Not many others can say the same, can they?’

        You grimaced. ‘No, I suppose not.'

        Your stomach churns again, before you drift off. You dream about fireflies and going to prison. People screaming and swimming in a pink-red bathtub. Sometimes you think it would be easier if he had just killed you the way he planned. Maybe you wouldn’t feel so guilty for being alive, then.

        If you could go back in time, you would fix him. You like to tell yourself that, sometimes. That you could change his outcome, and the fates of dozens of others as well. You would treat him right, never let the sickness twist his mind. Stop his father from planting a seed of despair and overwhelming hatred in his heart. Let him be ignorant and happy, watch the news. Not make the news.

        Maybe you would have a nice house together, if it were Jed, and you could make lemonade and watch fireworks together. Kiss him on the cheek and watch him smile. Have deep conversations that take all night, but never reach past the abstract and theoretical, into the realm of reality. Be normal. You were foolish to ever wish for anything other than normal. You would kill to have normal, now. To live without the churning in your stomach.

        You really should be more careful what you wish for.

[saynomorefic]

Hi June! If you're still up for it, 4, 5, 34, 35 and/or your choice for the otp asks?

Have a lovely day 💜

Hii W! Tysm for the ask <3 I kinda wrote a novel 😅

4. Their favorite show to watch together? 

Simon 100% watches anime. My knowledge of anime is next to nothing but I feel like he likes Deathnote, Attack on Titan, Hunter x Hunter, etc. I think Wille prefers teen dramas (he got a taste for them from Felice/ the girls) and docuseries, because he's hungry to learn more about the world around him. I think together they probably watch whatever anime Simon is into and nature documentaries because they're both kinda big nerds?! Oh, and Avatar.

5. Who is the cheesier one of the two? 

Sorry but Wille. I feel like I see this pretty much confirmed everywhere, from canon to fic. That boy knows how lucky he is and takes every opportunity to show it.

34. How do they cheer one another up during sad times?

I agree with the consensus that it's physical (lol) however I'll try to say some new things. Wille seems to want to talk it out, and Simon has demonstrated that he shows care by listening, asking questions, and offering support. I imagine he learned these skills from living with Linda and Sara. Sometimes when Wille's sadness turns to big anger (like once a year) they'll go to the junkyard and smash a bunch of shit, then go make out. Yeah. 

Simon seems to go within when he's sad, so Wille tries really hard to stop him from spiraling and get him out of his head until he's ready to talk. He'll plan little excursions, like a walk in the park, or get Simon to dance with him in their living room, anything to show him that it's not all bad. Wille also tries to make him laugh. I envision a lot of tickling. He knows not to rush Simon, who will share when he feels safe and ready. 

35. What are their tastes in music? 

I've thought about this one quite extensively. 

So I think Simon inherited a bunch of Micke's taste, because we know Micke exposed him to music and took him to concerts as we see in canon. I imagine it's a good mix of 80's and 90's rock, things like Nirvana and maybe some Swedish bands (like Kent, thank you Wilma @nothingadoaboutnothing ;)) 

As for contemporary music, I feel like Simon likes indie rock, some of it more underground, some more standard like the Arctic Monkeys, Vampire Weekend, etc. I see him listening to Lizzy McAlpine and Sufjan to cry and get his feelings out. I also feel like he likes Lady Gaga, perhaps a mix of her vocals and aesthetic. 

Wille likes rap and EDM as we saw in YR. However, much like the TV show thing, I think Felice and company have definitely awakened some love for queer pop / hyperpop in him. I see a burgeoning Charli / Chappel fan. Maybe this is just wishful thinking but I see it. Simon 100% makes fun of him (but definitely doesn't complain when he puts it on). 

Bonus / free question: 

39. Do they get along with each other's family? 

I want to say I'm hopeful on this one. Simon seemed to do fine with Kristina and Ludvig, although I'm sure there's going to be plenty more awkwardness and discomfort now that Wille has stepped down. Overall I think they're pleasant towards each other with occasional moments of connection. 

I think Wille is very invested in getting to know Sara, Linda, and possibly Micke. Post S3, I think he starts to form a closer bond with Sara; I'd like to think she becomes like another sibling now that he doesn't have Erik anymore. Wille tries hard with Linda in the beginning, and eventually realizes that all she wants is for him to treat Simon well and be happy, which for him is easier than ever. Perhaps Wille is the bridge towards a better relationship with Micke - he understands shitty family dynamics and is neutral where everyone else is scarred, so maybe he can help them be in each other's lives again in small ways. Like I said, wishful thinking.

I think Simon actually pushes for Wille to spend time with Wille's parents more, because Wille definitely prefers holidays at the Erikssons. S3 made me feel very hopeful about both fronts.

[kiawren]

Hi... Im no legitimate poet or anything...Was listening to these deft.ones songs and started writing something about kiawren on the bus home

This is so self indulgent I'm sorry.. idk if you can understand my abstract writing and it's okay if you don't 😭😭

For anyone that bothers... I'll try to explain the poem but you can interpret it how you'd like :))

These are some of the lyrics inspiring it (romantic dreams, diamond eyes, sextape)

The title—I was thinking that the only constant of his between real life and my self insert world is his name, I can say it here just the same as I can there, everything else about him otherwise isn't real.. Hence the two realms, and the inspiration from the lyric "I'm hypnotized by your name" (more to add to this towards the end of the poem!)

The Vermillion bird (basically a phoenix) is from Chinese myth, I think it represents both of us becuz fire and bird.

'Take me one more time/Take me one last wave/Take me one last ride' is from Sextape, I heard it as I started typing the poem, so I just added it in hehhee .... for 'wave', I often think about us sitting in Wela volcano park overlooking the ocean together. It's vast and beautiful. For 'ride', I also like to imagine us going for rides on char.izard together.

'rilles' are from volcanic flows on the moon, with i learnt when Googling while writing this. Actually I thought they were for normal volcanoes too, before I googled again when typing this, well they're only on the moon, lol that gives another meaning (kiawren sun/moon dynamic loll). The rilles here are in my veins cuz he just has that impact on me☺️

There's stuff like 'burning a visage on skin', 'place my tongue where you blaze' 'bleed the sea whole' cuz that's what people would typically do for their lovers you know. (/sarcasm) I just mean I would go to such lengths for him.

Synonyms of red—cherry, ruby, cardinal, in a way those lines are getting more intense.. The plush of youth (our young love and its dreaminess) and the clush of rubies, then cardinal in my head also alludes biblically like 'cardinal sin' that's why I wrote 'cardinal hell', the red becomes so red! And yes more on the hell later.

Clush is also a song by Isles & Glaciers that makes me think of kiawren so I added that word :)

'rose-cauterized eyes' — I like the phrase 'rose-tinted eyes', took a different way here with the cauterization, something more graphic like those other stuff I had up there, I feel like if you'd cauterize eyes you'd see through foggy, patched-over, maybe painful vision. But if you cauterize with roses... There's also layer of romanticism.

'meteors-heavy stubborn blue sky'... When I listen to 'diamonds reign across the sky' in the song diamond eyes I think is us watching miniors together (a poke.mon that's basically a meteor). Hmm, it's hard to explain it, but the red-rose overworld downturning into stubborn blue sky kinda has the feeling of the worlds and skies turning and colliding, and the red/blue kiawren you know... like a merger, something dynamic and disorienting... Anyway it kinda leads into the last part too!!!

'My heart' —yes it's both my literal heart going up in flames when I love him and also him, becuz this is also my term of endearment for him. And he burns in his passion. He burns brighter than I ever can.

Ok last part that Im excited to type out

While a mythical being all proud and overbearing yet unhelpful in the alluded Nirvana, and 'romantic' people look up to this fictional mythical heaven-ruler (they're idealistic hence the word romantic, also that this 'romance' is more insincere),,,,,,

I have independently travelled inside the Earth to unite with my Kiawe!!!!! Orpheus and Eurydice!!!!!!!! I am Orpheus for real.....i'd cave so hard.

Last two lines are interesting becuz I 'see my baby', but Orpheus doesn't get to see Eurydice..... Meanwhile don't 'turn back to a blue sky', I reject the reality of a blue sky, like how the red overworld downturns into it earlier, for the fantasy of a red realm with my loveeee... Instead of not being able to turn to 'Eurydice' which here is Kiawe!!!!!, I *can* see him!!!! instead I do not face a reality, and I succeed in uniting with him away from it.

Also I've been wanting include the Vermillion bird in writing for kiawren. Didn't expect to be hating on it in the poem LOL

[rxgueone]

TRUST

Word count: 3,235

Summary: Austin gets ready with his family to the Elvis premiere.

Warnings: Fluff, all I can think of.

Tags: none.

Note: Bro, I wrote this while watching Skate 3 clips. My inspiration behind my stories actually sucks.

MASTERLIST — SERIES

—

The blonde sat alone. His gray eyes bore into the wall, with his hands clasped up into a fist. He wore earbuds, as far as he was concerned, grunge was the perfect genre to listen to when he needed to focus. He was silent, a furrowed expression plastered on his face. He had to go to his premiere soon, it was only a day away. And he was stressing out.

He had a little girl, about six to seven years old. Who hadn’t been in the public much, would be under immense pressure. He didn’t want her to get overwhelmed. Understanding the fact that she wasn’t use to having photos taken of her, he didn’t want her to stress out, or panic. He was worried over her, very worried about her.

His wife on the other hand, had been calm the entire time. She was cooing to their daughter, comforting her. His wife had known how important tomorrow would’ve been for him, how special it was, how dear it was. She wanted everything to be perfect for him. She was seen crouching down in front of their daughter. “Are you excited for daddy’s big day, Leia?” She cooed, holding her daughter’s little hand.

“Yep yep!” Leia jumped up.

“Alright sweet girl,” she smiled, “which dress would you like to wear?” Holding out two black dresses.

“I want to match with daddy!” She decided triumphantly. His wife frowned slightly, knowing that she couldn’t pick up a suit.

“We don’t have a suit for you.” His wife shook her head. “Unless-“ cutting herself off and poking her head up, she could see her husband spacing out. Looking back at their daughter, “wait here, darling.” She kissed their daughter’s forehead before walking back to her husband. “Austin,” snapping him back to reality.

He blinked his eyes, looking up. “Hm?” Taking out his earbuds. “Yes, Rose?” His music was blaring through his earbuds. Quickly getting his phone from his pocket, he stopped the music. Clenching his jaw from embarrassment.

Rose sighed when watching him. She knew the song was Aneurysm by Nirvana, she could tell by the screaming. Which was irrelevant to what she wanted to discuss with him. She looked at Leia who was focused on playing with her toy cars. Then back at her husband. “Do you have any of the suits you wore when you were little?”

“Why do you ask? I mean I do— but why?” He got off the seat, standing in front of Rose. The feeling of going through his closet to find them seemed inevitable to him.

“Leia wants to match with you.” She pushed her hair away from her face before folding her arms across her chest.

“But…” Austin breathed, glancing at the two of them, “I thought you two were matching dresses.”

“No- Austin,” shaking her head, “she wants to match with you. Do you think your suits fit her?”

He stood still, thinking to himself before nodding his head. Leia was about the same height as him when he was seven. So he figured his old suits would fit her. “Yeah, I got somethin’ babe.”

“Good.” Stepping away from him, she reached back to quickly peck his lips in thanks. “I’ll go get her and you go find your suits.”

“Well it’s just-“

“Hurry up, the day isn’t young.” Walking away from him quickly. He raised his brows with a smirk.

“Demanding as always.” He said under his breath before making his way back to the closet upstairs.

Rose crouched in front of Leia again. “Do you want to try on daddy’s suits from when he was little?”

Leia let out an audible gasp. Indicating that she was eager to try them on. Rose smiled and held her hand, leading her up back to their bedroom so they could go into the closet to find something.

Austin was digging around in his closet. Grumbling to himself as he searched for his old suits. His mother had given them to him, in case Leia would want to see what he wore.

Rose was standing behind Austin, and Leia had jumped onto his back. Which caused his knee to buckle from underneath him, his head hitting the wall. Rose smiled when she heard the audible thump, trying to hold back her laughter. “Hey Leia,” Austin turned his head to face his little girl with his hand rubbing his temple, “what’s up, princess?”

“Momma says you have suits from when you were little.” She rested her head on his shoulder.

“Yeah I do.” He nodded his head. Rose listened to him digging through his closet before finding a little blazer, some slacks, and a little button up. “Here, see?” Holding it up so Leia could see. He got up from the ground, feeling Leia’s legs wrap around his waist as she held onto him.

He turned back to see Rose in front of him. “You found a suit.” She smiled when she saw him holding it out. “Good, thank you darling.” Going on her tiptoes, she pecked his cheek. He nodded his head, smiling proudly before handing her the pieces to make the outfit. She took it in her grasp, laying them out on the bed. Then went behind Austin to pull Leia away from his back, carrying their daughter in her arms before setting her down on the bed.

“Well, I’ll be outside reading.” Austin got the hint that Leia would be trying on the suit he managed to find. “Call me when you need me.” Exiting the bedroom, he went back downstairs to the dining room to read.

Rose heard the door shut, then kneeled down in front of Leia. “It’s black,” looking at the blazer, “it matches daddy’s blazer. Do you want to wear this?”

“Mhm, definitely!” Leia was nodding her head as she reached over the bed. Rose plucked her off the ground, plopping her down on top of the bed.

Rose smiled at her daughter. Leia was a daddy’s girl, she had taken the same interests Austin had taken. He liked cars, and books. Would often read alone, but at times. Leia would sit on his lap, while he would read a little story book to her.

Austin owned a white 2017 Mustang ecoboost, that he was currently working on it. He completely took out the L4 engine of the Mustang to exchange it for a 5.9 liter 12-valve cummins engine. Which to Rose was insane, but she supported the idea. Due to the fact the Mustang somehow got better gas mileage. 30 miles to the gallon, which was impressive considering it use to be 14 miles to the gallon with the L4.

Leia knew of this little project of his. She was there throughout the whole project. Even watched her own father tear the Mustang apart to put a new engine in. Watched him throw the hood off, attach a new hitch on the back, debadge the car, add a new shifter to it, change the oil, Leia was there throughout the whole process. She loved watching Austin and the team down by the shop work on the car.

When Leia had put the blazer on, she stood in front of the mirror. Her blonde hair was braided in fishtails. Holding her blue Mach One, she stared at the mirror with a smile. Rose stood behind her. “Whad’ya think sweet girl?” She asked her daughter in a soft tone.

“Good!” She beamed, satisfied.

“Wanna show daddy?”

“Nuh uh, I wanna surprise him for tomorrow.”

“Good idea.” Rose admitted. She looked at the little clock that was on their nightstand. 8PM it read. Letting out a hefty sigh. “Alright, off to bed hm? You got a big day tomorrow.” She kissed the top of Leia’s head. Who let out a whine, but reluctantly nodded. Knowing that her father would read her a bed time story.

—

Rose could hear the bedroom door open, and she saw Austin walk in with a book in his hand. It had a bookmark clearly visible, and she smiled. “How’d the story go?” Her voice was gentle, soft and delicate, soft like the setting sun.

“Good.” His voice was the polar opposite, husky and ragged, reflecting that of used leather. Walking over to her, they both exchanged a quick kiss. Putting the book down on the nightstand, he sat on his side of the bed. His fingers stroking the nape of his neck, thinking to himself.

“You alright?” She scooted closer to him, her hands massaging his shoulders.

“Course,” glancing back at her. He took her hand into his, kissing her palm, “to be honest, I’m kinda just stressed out for tomorrow.” He revealed to her. She nodded her head before wrapping her arms around his torso from behind him, her cheek pressed up against his back.

“Well, Leia and I just want you happy.” She spoke softly. “That’s all we want, just you happy. Seeing you stressed, stresses us out too.”

He nodded his head, his fingers caressing hers.

“You’ll do great tomorrow.” She continued on, knowing full well that he was intently listening to her. “Just be yourself, nobody likes someone who is fake.”

“But-“ slightly turning his head, her eyes looked up. Seeing a bit of his jawline. A bit of worry slipped into his tone, “my voice-?”

“Austin, that’s just what happens when you change your dialect for two years straight.” She brushed it off, slightly annoyed with why he was bothered with his voice. She liked it, she always did. “I mean personally, me, I still like how you sound.”

“Oh.”

“You’re thirty-one, not twenty-one, there’s obviously gonna be a significant difference.” Pulling away from him. She kissed the back of his head. “Plus Leia, thinks you’re still good at telling stories.”

“Leia’s a daddy’s girl.” He acknowledged.

“Exactly.” Getting off the bed quickly, she went to the bathroom, and he got off to join her. Knowing full well that they would always brush their teeth together. Sometimes when Leia was still awake, they’d brush their teeth with her.

When all was done. They had both laid in bed together. With his arm over her waist, their hands intertwined, and her head on his chest. Rose listened to his heartbeat, her fingers tracing little hearts on his chest. As she felt his hands caressing her waist. Austin had taken note of the pink nightie she wore and how pretty she looked. It was pulled up to reveal some of her bare skin. Which was soft and smooth, it felt nice to touch.

“Y’know Austin,” Rose started, “never blame yourself for what’s to come, okay?”

“Huh?” Austin was confused, raising a brow. “Whad’ya mean, darling?”

“I mean- if anything happens to our family. Don’t blame yourself, okay?” She propped herself up on her elbow. Her brown eyes bore into his gray eyes, she was serious.

He gave a proper nod. “I won’t honey, but whad’ya talkin’ about? You’re my forever, nothin’s gonna happen to you.” He scoffed, holding her hand.

Rose frowned a bit but gave him a gentle kiss, then laid her head back onto his chest. She said nothing for a bit as she listened to his heartbeat. “Austin, just trust time, okay?”

“I know.” He had gotten this pep talk before. Rose would often comfort him in his days of doubt with those exact words. “I know, Rose.”

“Good.” She closed her eyes. “I love you, and I’m so so proud of you. You’ve came a long way. And I’m sure Leia is proud of you too.”

“Thank you.” He replied, followed with a few moments of silence, and before Austin had known. She was already asleep. Poking his head up a bit, he smiled at the sight of his sleeping wife.

—

Austin stood in front of the mirror with Leia in front of him. He tilted his head a bit, and he could hear Rose behind him searching for her earrings. He was checking his black cufflinks, with Leia copying every motion he was doing. His fingers went towards his gold wedding band, fiddling with it and making sure it was straight on his ring finger.

Rose fell to his side once she found her earrings, touching his chest so he could turn around to face her. He leaned down a bit when he saw her, and she touched his bowtie. “It’s crooked.” She muttered, straightening it.

“My fault.” He apologized, his hand resting on top of Leia’s head. His eyes watched her mother and father, intrigued with how Rose was treating Austin. When Rose pulled away from him, he looked back at the mirror with Leia. His eyes wandering over to her suit, it fit her, although the bowtie that was given to her was much too big. Due to the fact that it was fit for a fully grown man rather than a small child. “Honey,” he kneeled down to his daughter’s side, “you wanna put on my bolo tie instead?”

“What’s that?” She looked at him.

“You’ll see, darling.” He got up, and Rose had already gotten his bolo tie, as if they were thinking the same thing. He kissed her cheek and whispered a gentle thank you against her ear, then quickly kneeled down to undo the bowtie that Leia was wearing. Replacing it with his bolo tie, which was of a cow skull.

He looked back in the mirror, nodding his head in approval. Which caused Leia to nod her head in agreement. Austin put the bowtie back on the bed, glancing at the time, then stood beside Rose. “We should leave now, the driver will be here soon…” he began, glancing at Leia who climbed onto the bed. Holding her blue Mach One.

“I have everything.” Rose nodded her head, knowing what Austin was going to say. Her fingers quickly intertwined with her husband, she called Leia over to join the duo.

The duo, now a trio had made their way downstairs then to the door, and Austin opened the front door. Letting Leia run out to the car, she was greeted with the driver, who smiled brightly at her. “Matching with your father I see?” They laughed.

However, before Austin and Rose left the house. Austin felt Rose slightly tug back on his hand. Which had made him recoil, looking back at her.

“What is it, my love?” His tone was sweet, but a hint of worry slipped in.

“Y’know,” she began, letting go of his hand to cup his unshaven face, “whatever happens, you shouldn’t blame yourself.” Her voice was soft, and her eyes seemed to be looking deeply into his gray eyes.

He said nothing for a few moments. His brows slightly furrowed from confusion as to why she would suddenly tell him this, considering their talk the night before. His eyes darkened a bit, they had been examining her face. As if searching for an answer as to why she would randomly tell him this. After a few moments of silence, he spoke. “I won’t, Rose.” Promising her that, he gave her a subtle nod.

“Good,” she smiled at his words, going on her tiptoes to kiss him. “I love you, never forget that.”

“I love you too darling, I love you more than anything.”

“Never blame yourself.” She pressed her index finger upon his lips. He nodded his head once more, promising her he wouldn’t. She giggled lightly, thinking he was silly. Finally, she walked through the door, with Austin following behind.

—

Breathing heavily, he brought his hand up to his face. Rubbing his eyes harshly, he sat up. Blinking his eyes wildly, with his hands brushing his hair back. Clearing his throat, he looked down at his hand. Which was shaking madly, holding it still with his other. He dug his nail into his wrist until blood seeped out.

“Another dream?” He heard a familiar voice. He looked up, seeing his butler. Fredrick stood above him at the side of the bed. “Your premiere isn’t in another few hours.” He commented, as if he was trying to put Austin back to bed.

“I saw her.” He simply said, ignoring the comment, he threw the blankets off of himself. Then sat at the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. “It was real Fredrick, I could feel her. Her skin… everything, I felt everything!” He snarled from frustration, glaring up at him before staring back down at the ground. “She spoke to me.”

Fredrick watched calmly. “What did she tell you.”

“Not to blame myself.” He spat through gritted teeth. Balling up his hands, Fredrick grabbed a handkerchief to wipe the blood off Austin’s wrist.

He made Austin hold out his hand as Fredrick began wiping it off. Staining the white handkerchief with crimson splotches. “She loves you, sir.” Fredrick knew Austin needed to be consoled. “It isn’t your fault, none of it is.”

“If I had-“

“No,” Fredrick cut him off, “Austin.” He crouched down to look at his friend square. Who was now nibbling on his lower lip with furrowed brows, his eyes were bloodshot, watery. His leg was shaking uncontrollably, fiddling with his wedding band to calm himself down. Fredrick inhaled, “it’s not your fault. What happened to Rose, none of it, none of it is your fault.”

“You don’t get it.” He growled. “I promised to always be there for her. I swore I’d love her forever. I swore it Fredrick!” Pure spite towards himself was the only thing Fredrick could sense. “I said I’d always be there for her! But, when she needed me I wasn’t—“ he cut himself short, his nail digging into his wrist again. Huffing, he looked at Fredrick. Blinking his tears away now. “I trusted time, and what did it to me? It took my wife from me.”

Fredrick looked at Austin in silence. Searching for something, but, it seemed as if he couldn’t find it. Fredrick knew for as long as Austin lived, he would keep blaming himself every single night. He stood up and walked over to Austin’s bookshelf, grabbing a journal. A pen out of his pocket, he walked back over to Austin, “Well, you don’t want to forget her do you?”

Austin tilted his head, puzzled.

“You said you were able to feel her this time, correct?”

Nod.

“Then write it down. So you’ll never forget this dream.” Fredrick advised. “You write down all your other dreams that are about her anyways.” He glanced over at the bookshelf. “Even though none of them have ever made you this upset… regardless, it is still a dream of your beloved.” Trying to find a way to calm Austin down, his hands held out the pen and journal, waiting for Austin to take them. “I suggest you write before your premiere starts, sir.” He had noticed that Austin’s eyes weren’t watery anymore, he seemed calmer, not as emotional.

“Right…” Austin finally took the journal and pen, opening it to an empty page. “I just… I just miss her, Fred.”

“Aye,” Fredrick nodded, understanding his friend, “I too, miss her every day. But,”

“Hm?”

“She showed you the bests in life, correct?”

“Yes.”

“And you have a daughter. Might I suggest,” Fredrick held his index finger up, tapping the air lightly, “you too, show her the best things your wife showed you.”

Silence.

“I mean, that’s what Rose wanted. To show you both the bests in life.”

Austin nodded his head in agreement. He smirked his head, shaking it before looking at Fredrick’s eyes. “Wanna know sum’n, Fred?”

Fredrick cocked a brow. “Yes, sir?”

“God played me with that fuckin’ dream, dude.” He couldn’t wipe that stupid smirk off his face. And Fredrick chuckled in both amusement as well as agreement, nodding his head.

[everything-maxriemelt]

Brett: “We did our first gig in 1989 around the time of baggy and shoegaze. When you’re young and impressionable, you want to sound like whatever’s fashionable, but we weren’t musically competent enough to be one of those bands. We carried on rehearsing three times a week and playing to three people, and slowly we got really good at being Suede, something with its own identity…

Bernard [Butler, guitarist] came up with the chords for Animal Nitrate and gave me a cassette of them with a drum machine on. The working title was Dixon, because it sounded like the theme for Dixon of Dock Green. I took it away but I just couldn’t write anything that I thought was any good. One night I was at a gig at the Powerhaus in Islington and overheard what I thought was “animal nitrate” in a drunken conversation. I wrote it down, forgot about it, opened my notebook the next day and there it was. It unlocked the song for me. All of a sudden I had the lyrics.”

Matt: “I first heard Animal Nitrate on a tape at the Premises in Hackney where we rehearsed. The music was completely formed. Bernard – when he wants – can do really interesting jazzy chords but this is much more straightforward and direct. He was listening to a lot of Nirvana at the time and you can hear that in the spiciness of the guitar line. The rhythm of the middle eight is very Smells Like Teen Spirit. I think we all knew it was a big song, almost a distillation of what we’d been doing to that point. It was the first song we wrote with an audience in mind – we knew people were listening. I don’t know if that’s why it has an element of call and response in the chorus, but when we played it at the 1992 Reading festival you could see the audience responding.”

from theGuardian

[mxltifxnd0m]

hi daisy! congrats on 500! that’s such a huge milestone!!

could i join the celebration with the “thy enemy” event? supernatural fandom please!

some random facts about me:

-INFJ personality type, blonde hair, green eyes, 5’ 6”

-i love music! my fav artists are mazzy star, lana del rey, arctic monkeys, nirvana, mitski, and so many others.

-i’m going to college to double major in french and creative writing :) i LOVE learning (my college advisor literally told me that i couldn’t take anymore classes)

-i play the bass guitar! and i just started a band!

-i’m a sam girl, but don’t let that influence your response hehe

i can’t wait to see what you come up with! much love!

- @star-wrote <333

thank you @star-wrote!! first off i'm in love with the facts you gave me and i too love arctic monkeys!!

okay here's what i think:

⟡ lover: sam winchester

sam would be so attracted to your innate drive and love for learning and absorb everything eagerly. you guys would be a great team when it comes to researching for hunts and be surprised at the facts you can rattle off the top of your head. he'd want to know the stories you write and hopefully be able to read the ones you do write one day if you aren't comfortable with sharing with him just yet. he would be really interested in the fact that you're able to play bass and want to listen to you and your band practice and even go to your gigs to support you! sam would also find the fact you can speak french very interesting (and hot lets be real here) and maybe even ask you to teach him some!

⟡ best friend: dean winchester

dean would find the fact you play bass so cool and would ask if you could play certain riffs from his fav songs. he'd also go along to your gigs if you invited him and be the one of the loudest supporter you have (right next to sam). i think dean would tease you about being a nerd but it would be in jest like he does sam but if he found out you could speak french, he'd be asking you to teach him all the dirty words bc its dean winchester we're talking about here.

⟡ (fr)enemy: meg masters

considering she's a demon and you're with the winchesters, the way the two of you meet isn't pretty. but she'd be intrigued with how you got mixed up with the brothers and strangely enough you built a rapport with her. she would think that you're too cool to be with sam after learning that you play bass but then she finds about how you love to learn, it clicks in her brain as to why the two of you found each other and she thinks it's disgustingly sweet how the two of you are together. it's not like you hate her but i would say you have a frenemy dynamic with her.

thank you again for participating and i had a lot of fun with your request!!

⟡⟡⟡

come and join the celebration!

[bubblesandgutz]

Every Record I Own - Day 759: Modest Mouse This Is a Long Drive for Someone with Nothing to Think About

It’s been five months since I’ve written one of these album posts, mainly because 2022 was such a busy year. When I made my last album post on August 1st, I was still talking about my favorite albums from 2021. While I enjoy talking about current music, I think I get more enjoyment writing about music that I’ve had plenty of time to sit with, and consequently, I felt like I was running out of things to say about new releases.

I wasn’t sure how to dip my toes back into this project. Then on New Year’s Eve I got the news that Jeremiah Green passed away.

I’m sure Modest Mouse meant a lot of different things to a lot of different people. And for most people, their impression of the band starts around 2004 with their big hit “Float On.” For me, Modest Mouse will always be that curious local band from the early ‘90s.

A quick recap on Seattle in the ‘90s: Nirvana blew up in the fall of ‘91, and their success helped turn the spotlight on Soundgarden, Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains, Screaming Trees, and Mudhoney. Seattle was suddenly seen as a hub of underground rock music. But the reality is that we were a geographically isolated city with restrictive liquor laws and the Teen Dance Ordinance, a law that made all ages concerts virtually impossible. Rock music in Seattle was for the 21+ crowd. If you were a kid and you liked going to shows, you had to go to the youth centers out in the suburbs, or you had to go down to Tacoma and Olympia, or you religiously attended the one tiny all ages venue in the sketchiest part of downtown, The Velvet Elvis, that was strangely exempt from the ordinance on a technicality (namely, it had fixed seating, so you couldn’t “dance”). There was a distinct generational gap between the crowd that saw Nirvana play at the Central Saloon the summer before Nevermind came out and the local teenagers who picked up guitars in its wake.

Botch started playing in ‘93 and by the end of ‘94 we were playing shows at The Velvet Elvis. We were also playing spots like The Old Fire House in Redmond and Ground Zero in Bellevue, the suburban youth centers that held weekly concerts for the underage crowd. Some weeks you’d get a touring acts like Neurosis or Rocket From the Crypt, but we were so far off the standard touring circuit that most of the time you just got local bands. 

Modest Mouse was a name we saw around a lot. The name sounded a bit twee for our tastes, but we knew their drummer Jeremiah had been in a hardcore band called Drown, and he’d been an early fixture at The Old Fire House. Despite the small nature of the underage scene in Seattle and the crossover in our musical  interests, I wouldn’t hear Modest Mouse until Botch went out on our first tour in ‘96. In San Francisco, we played at the famous Epicenter Records. The bill was Modest Mouse, Scenic Vermont, Trial, and Botch. There were maybe 20 people there. But man, Modest Mouse fuckin’ ruled. They could be sweet and pretty one moment and screaming over distortion and feedback the next. We all became fans that night.

There was so much I identified with in their music. For one thing, it felt like every song started with a nugget of an idea---a solid verse/chorus structure---and then drifted off into some noisy exploratory jam session. It didn’t feel far off from what Botch was doing in that regard. We’d start a song with a couple of riffs that worked together, and we’d just jam in the basement until the rest of the song fell into place. It’s funny... I just assumed that was how every band wrote together. That’s what Fugazi and Drive Like Jehu did, after all. But in hindsight, I think it was a very unique approach, or at least it’s one that’s fallen out of favor with newer bands. When I listen to those early Modest Mouse songs, you can feel the excitement of a band bouncing ideas off of each other, letting happy accidents turn into whole new parts. 

There was something else that really resonated with me about those early Modest Mouse records. There was a sense of wonder with the western landscape, a fascination with geography, and a sense of loneliness and alienation when you become uprooted from your childhood home. It was all there in their record titles---Interstate 8, The Lonesome Crowded West, This Is a Long Drive. I’d only moved to the Northwest in ‘92, so I felt uprooted too. But there was also this new appreciation for wide open spaces. After living on an island you could drive across in a couple of hours, it boggled my mind that you could just get in a car and drive for several days and still not see the other side of the continent. Modest Mouse’s music captured that excitement for the open road and the possibilities it offered.

This Is a Long Drive had come out just a few months before that SF show. This album, along with the Broke single, got a lot of plays in our camp after playing with them. National success for Modest Mouse was still somewhere on the horizon, but by the time summer was over it felt like they were taking off regionally. They sold out a show at The Velvet Elvis that fall. I didn’t even know bands could sell out The Velvet Elvis back then. Sure, it held maybe 125 people, tops, but I didn’t realize there were 125 kids hip to the weird art house theater tucked in an alley in a grimy part of downtown. 

By the time The Lonesome Crowded West came out, they were a national act. A year or two earlier you’d only hear their music at friend’s houses or on the local college radio station. Now you heard their music in coffee shops, bars, and record stores all over the States. They belonged to the world.

Weirdly enough, my only interaction with Jeremiah would happen years later. At some point in the late ‘00s, after the success with Good News For People Who Love Bad News and his brief hiatus from the band, I was at a grocery store in Seattle with a mutual friend. “You guys know each other, right?” the friend asked in lieu of a proper introduction. We both shrugged and smiled, introduced ourselves, both saying “yeah, I know” in response. We were the same age, had come up in the same scene. I’d gone in to work a shift at The Old Fire House Teen Center the day he stopped by to talk to my boss about quitting Modest Mouse. We were in the same musical orbit, likely going through the same growing pains at the same stages of our lives, which is probably why their music hit me the way it did. 

RIP Jeremiah Green. Thank you for the music.

[greensparty]

This Month In History - June

Here is a round up of the big anniversaries to celebrate this month:

June 2, 1989: Dead Poets Society opens

In June 1989, one of the best movies of the 80s was released. Here is my piece from 2019. Happy 35 DPS!

June 4, 1984: Born in the U.S.A. released

In June 1984, Bruce Springsteen's 7th album was released. Here is my piece I wrote in 2014. There's a 40th anniversary edition that was recently released on vinyl (expect my review soon). Happy 40th BITUSA!

June 8, 1984: Ghostbusters / Top Secret! / Gremlins open

On one day in 1984, three all-out classic films were released. Here is my piece I wrote in 2019. Happy 40th Ghostbusters, Top Secret! and Gremlins!

June 13, 1979: Candy-O released

In June 1979, the second album by The Cars was released. The new wave Boston band made quite a splash with their first album and for the second they brought in producer Roy Thomas Baker known for his work with Queen. Everyone talks about the debut, but this one has quite a few bangers like "Let's Go", "Dangerous Type" and the title track. Happy 45th Candy-O!

June 15, 1989: Bleach released

In June 1989, Nirvana's debut album was released. The album pre-dated Dave Grohl and drums were courtesy of the highly underrated Chad Channing, and on a few tracks Melvins’ Dale Crover (who I spoke with about this album in 2017). Here is my piece I wrote about the album in 2014. Happy 35th Bleach!

June 15, 1999: The White Stripes released

In June 1999, the debut album from The White Stripes was released. Here is my piece I wrote in 2014. Happy 25th TWS!

June 16, 1994: Kristen Pfaff dies

In June 1994, Hole bassist Kristen Pfaff died at 27. The bandmate of Courtney Love died only a few months after her husband Kurt Cobain died at 27. Sadness! Here is my piece I wrote in 2014.

June 20, 1989: The Real Thing released

In June 1989, Faith No More's magnum opus was released. Here is my piece I wrote in 2014. Happy 35th TRT!

June 22, 1984: The Karate Kid opens

In June 1984 one of the great underdog sports movies was released. Here is my piece I wrote in 2014! In 2016, when I interviewed one of the stars William Zabka (one of the great 80s villains of all-time), he told me “Good movies ride on! It’s nice they are still appreciated to this day.”. Happy 40th Karate Kid!

June 22, 2004: A Ghost is Born released

In June 2004 the 5th album by Wilco was released. Following up Yankee Hotel Foxtrot was a tall task, but this was quite a follow up. This is an album I got that Summer and listened to it quite a bit on my disc man that Summer (before I got an iPod). There's some solid tracks here and notably "Spiders (Kidsmoke)", a 10 min. slow burn build-up that blows up at a certain point in the song. Happy 20th AGIB!

June 23, 1989: Batman opens

In June 1989, Tim Burton's first Batman movie was released. Here is my piece I wrote in 2014. Happy 35th Batman!

June 25, 1984: Purple Rain soundtrack album released

In June 1984, Prince and the Revolution’s magnum opus was released. It was the soundtrack to his movie which opened a month later. Prince has made some brilliant albums, but this one stands above the rest! In 2018 I got to see The Revolution live and was completely blown away, the songs are still timeless. Here is my piece I wrote in 2014! Happy 40th Purple Rain!

June 29, 1984: Bachelor Party opens

In June 1984, one of Tom Hanks' funniest comedies was released. Here is my piece I wrote in 2019. Happy 40th BP!

June 30, 1989: Do the Right Thing opens

In June 1989, Spike Lee’s magnum opus (and that is saying something based on his filmography) was released. Here is my piece I wrote in 2014! Happy 35th DTRT!

June 30, 2004: Spider-Man 2 opens

In June 2004 one of the best sequels and super hero movies was released. Here is my piece I wrote in 2014. Happy 20th S-M2!

[enfyswanders]

Stratford-Upon-Avon: June 26-29, 2024

As an English major and theater nerd, I pretty much had to visit Stratford-Upon-Avon, the hometown of William Shakespeare. Surprisingly, though, the highlights of this part of the trip for me weren't actually Shakespeare-related, though the Shakespeare tourism was really cool.

My first day there, I wandered around near my hotel and found a Ferris wheel to ride. I bought a ticket and got the whole ride to myself.

(Above: View from said Ferris wheel.)

After riding the Ferris wheel, I heard a four-piece band of preteens out busking in the plaza and absolutely slaying "Killing In the Name" by Rage Against the Machine.

I stayed to listen to their entire set, a set which seemed to be curated specifically to part Boomers through Millennials from their money. I wrote down all the songs I could remember at the end of the day:

"Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana

"Zombie" by The Cranberries

"Glory Box" by Portishead (?!?!?!)

"7 Nation Army" by the White Stripes

"These Boots Are Made for Walkin'" by Nancy Sinatra

"Sweet Home Alabama" by Leonard Skynyrd

I can't overstate how incredibly talented these kids were. I feel so blessed to have been able to catch their show. I tipped them £5 and asked them to promise never to stop making music.

Also: Look at the geese by the Ferris wheel and River Avon! (Fun fact: Avon means "river," so it's the "River River.") (Another fun fact: "Stratford-Upon-Avon" means "The Street Where You Cross the River.")

Another non-Shakespeare highlight was my visit was the MAD Museum, full of mechanical art, automata, and Rube Goldberg-style devices. It's fairly small, but I had an absolute blast wandering around and admiring everything.

But, of course, I also did Shakespeare things. My first full day in town, I bought a ticket for one of those open-top, hop-on/hop-off bus tours, which was recommended in the Rick Steves guide as being the best way to get out to see Anne Hathaway's (Shakespeare's wife's) childhood home, which is just a bit outside of town.

It was well worth the money and the trip. Her cottage is beautiful, and was in her family for several generations. You can see some sections that are fairly authentic to when she would've grown up there, and then there's an enormous garden, which includes a lot of really neat sculptures.

I also visited Shakespeare's grave, inside Holy Trinity Church. At the time Shakespeare lived, it was common practice to dig up people's graves about 20 years after they were buried, to make room for new bodies. Shakespeare was appalled by this, and not only arranged to be buried inside the church, he also wrote a curse to be placed on his resting place:

"Good friend for Jesus sake forbeare, To dig the dust enclosed here. Blessed be the man that spares these stones, And cursed be he that moves my bones."

While I was in town, I was hoping to see a performance of something by Shakespeare, but apparently I visited when there were no Shakespeare performances to be had. Instead, I visited the Royal Shakespeare Theatre and saw a production of Kyoto, a gripping political thriller based on a true story about the UN Climate Talks.

The protagonist(?) in the play is an American lawyer who served under Reagan, who after Reagan's second term was hired by OPEC to sabotage the UN Climate Talks. I never thought someone could make UN parliamentary procedure gripping, but I was wrong. I was on the edge of my seat for this play. If you ever get a chance to see it, do.

The theatre itself was beautiful, and almost completely in-the-round. I had a fantastic seat on the second level, only slightly off-center from the midpoint of the stage.

I don't have photos of them, but I also visited Shakespeare's New Place (which is mostly just a fabulous garden) and saw the exhibit for Shakespeare's Birthplace (the latter had a super long, slow line to get into the birthplace itself, and a lot of people in line were coughing, so I opted not to go in).

The most important Shakespeare-related thing I did during my visit, however, was having high tea at the Shakespaw Cat Cafe.

All the cats there are named after Shakespeare characters. Above, Horatio is trying to steal Hamlet's treats, and I'm holding Raven, an adorable kitten who blessed me by crawling into my lap and snoozing for a bit. 10/10, would drink tea and pet kitties again.

Things that made me giggle during this part of the trip: