#i was like hi it's [my deadname] this is [their deadname]'s number right? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

the-rarest-sexiest-coinkydink · 2 years ago

Note

heyo, could i request a mikey x transmasc! reader (he/him) where reader is childhood friends with the ways but moved away when they were little. and then they move back to nj later mostly post-transition and mikey falls like,,, super hard?? sorry if it’s too detailed but i just really like the idea!! no pressure tho :))

New Jersey, Revisited (Mikey Way x transmasc!reader)

Summary: as above, basically :)

Word count: 5133 (yes I really enjoyed this one how can you tell)

Warnings: little bit of talk of dysphoria, one use of a deadname but not in a nasty way! It’s entirely accidental; discussion of surgery + recovery, but not in tons of graphic detail

AN: so I’ve kind of got it in my head that Mikey and (y/n) are about 25/26 (so we’re looking at the year of the ProRev tour era wise) but if you want to interpret this any other way then feel free!

(also why is naming fics so fucking hard)

The idea of coming back to live in New Jersey again was always one that made (y/n)’s heart do a little dance in his chest. Sure, the area he’d grown up was a bit of a shithole - but it was his shithole. He’d always had fond memories of the house he’d grown up in, the school he’d gone to, the friends he’d made. His older cousins that had stayed in the area had been talking about a ten year high school reunion next year, and he quite liked the idea of that. He wasn’t ten years out of high school just yet, but it also wasn’t that far away either. Maybe he’d get away with tagging along with someone else and surprising all those people he hadn’t seen since he was a teenager. Not that they would have any memory of him. For one, he’d moved away when he was thirteen, so they’d probably have forgotten about him by now. And point number two - he wasn’t the same man he was all those years ago.

Well, neither would his old classmates be. Puberty, and all that. But somehow he doubted that anyone else in his year group would have transformed in quite the same way he had.

Sweating after the exertion of moving all his boxes of crap into the right rooms in his new flat, he dug through the nearest suitcase for a clean shirt (cursing his own terrible packing skills as he did so) and tugged the other one over his head, starting a little laundry pile in the corner of the bathroom and stopping for a second to admire himself in the mirror. He really did look good. The pinkish top surgery scars decorating his chest were just over eighteen months old, and those last eighteen months had been some of the best of his life so far. Of course there had been some rough patches; post-surgery recovery sucked ass, and life couldn’t be perfect all the time. But overall, he was so much happier now than he ever had been before.

Life had just got exponentially better with every milestone in his transition, thinking about it. The first time his parents used the name he’d chosen, coming to accept him after initial confusion when he’d come out. His very first short haircut, which hadn’t exactly been stylish but he’d loved it nonetheless. His first binder, first testosterone shot, first straggly facial hair. And then top surgery had blown everything else out of the water. And he had a feeling that the next surgery on the list would have the same effect.

Thinking back on his coming out experience as he reapplied his deodorant made him laugh. His parents hadn’t really understood what he was trying to tell them - they had been wonderfully supportive, just... a little bit unsure. Around nine months after they’d moved to Chicago, he’d written them a letter in the dead of night and left it on the table so they’d wake up to it and read it without him having to be there. Which wouldn’t have been a terrible idea if his parents hadn’t entirely misread the thing. So he’d woken up to his mom sat on the end of his bed, letter in hand, a sympathetic look on her face.

“Honey, you must really miss Mikey and all your other friends back in New Jersey. I get that. But give it some time and you’ll make some nice new friends here, I promise. You’ve just got to get to know people.”

“I- huh?”

She waved the letter slightly. “You said you feel like you get on better with the boys than girls. And that’s okay! Some girls are just more comfortable around boys for a little while. Girls can be pretty bitchy.”

“No, I - I said I wanted to be a boy. Like, I’m not a girl.”

“Oh. I... Oh.” She looked back down at the paper, squinting to reread the words. “Honey your handwriting is terrible! I never would have worked that out from this.”

“Hey it’s not that bad! But... is it okay? You know, that I’m not...”

She leant over and patted his knee. “Honey, you’re you. That’s more than enough for me and your dad. Whatever you need us to change, let us know. I can’t promise we’ll remember all the time, but we’ll try our very best.”

It certainly made for a funny story to tell, anyway. And his parents had always been phenomenally supportive of him - even when he said he was moving back to New Jersey. They’d originally thought that he meant just for the duration of the recovery period after his upcoming surgery, but when they realised that he meant to move back for good they only had one thing to say: it makes sense. Over time he’d fallen in love with Chicago, but New Jersey was still home and it had always been obvious that he felt that way. And when he’d found a surgeon based out of a hospital twenty minutes away from where he’d grown up? Well, it was like fate. Clearly, the universe wanted him back in New Jersey.

As it often did when he was reminiscing about his journey, (y/n)’s mind wandered to Mikey. They’d been best friends since the day they started school, bonding over the fact that their birthdays were only a few weeks apart, and had been inseparable until the day his family moved away. Mikey had actually cried when the car pulled away, clutching the piece of paper with his closest friend’s new address on it almost as tightly as he’d hugged him. They’d been each other’s first ever sleepovers, spent years trailing around after Gerard and getting on his nerves - and once, memorably, each received a tremendous bollocking from both sets of parents after (y/n) had hidden in Mikey’s wardrobe so he didn’t have to go home when his parents came by to collect him and made everyone panic that he’d gone missing on the way back from school. No two kids could possibly have been closer.

The two of them had stayed in contact for almost a year, but as life had got in the way (and he hadn’t quite found the courage to come out, scared of how his best friend might react) the letters had slowly grown further and further apart before stopping altogether. Somewhere within his luggage, there was a shoebox full of those letters. He’d kept every single one. Every little update about what their favourite teachers were up to, every fuzzy polaroid of the rest of the gang doing whatever stupid shit they’d decided to do that day, every drawing and friendship bracelet and bad joke from a chocolate bar wrapper. He’d clung onto those little fragments of his childhood best friend like a lifeline. Part of him imagined that Mikey had done the same, thinking about him from time to time, wondering what he was up to now.

Of course, he knew exactly what Mikey was up to these days. His small town best friend in the whole wide world had gone on to become a big time rock star. How cool was that? They had always had a very similar taste in music, and so a lot of the inspirations behind My Chemical Romance were instantly obvious to him the second he put his headphones in. It felt a bit strange, calling himself a fan of the band when he’d grown up with half of the members, but he supposed that was good enough for now. The chances of the two of them ever meeting up again were incredibly low. He didn’t know if Mikey still lived in the same place, if he even still lived in New Jersey! And it wasn’t like he was going to just bump into him on the street. Coincidences like that belonged in rom-coms.

Looking around at the haphazard stack of cardboard boxes that contained his entire life, (y/n) decided that there was no way in hell he could be bothered to sort them out now. That was just far too much effort after lugging them all up the stairs. He had plenty of time to get it all sorted at a nice slow pace, so there was really no point starting right this minute. He needed a coffee.

~~~~~~~~~~

It really was nice to be home, Mikey thought as he walked through the door of his favourite coffee shop and got in the queue. Even if home meant being sworn at by people if he walked a bit too close and fearing for his life every time he crossed the road. There was a sweet familiarity that came with the grimy streets, and he honestly wouldn’t trade it for the world. It did feel strange being back, finally standing still after what had felt like two months of constant moving. He loved touring, but it really did suck the life out of him sometimes. Two months of crap motels, raging hangovers and constant performance was the perfect combination for exhaustion, and he was really looking forward to the time off. It was the little things that made him smile, too. Like being back in his favourite place, that tiny cafe that in his opinion did the best coffee in the world. He’d spent countless hours in there, listening to the rain against the windows while he read a book or watched Gerard sketch. It was it’s own peaceful little bubble.

He ordered his usual when he got to the counter, fighting back the blush that threatened to paint his cheeks as the cute barista smiled up at him. Thankfully his favourite table was clear, and he kept an eye on it while he was waiting. The little table in the corner with the slightly wonky leg was where Gerard had taken him and his best friend for their first ever coffee when they were ten. They’d both sworn not to tell their parents, but that had gone straight out of the window when they’d taken her home - she’d practically been buzzing. That memory always made him smile, the way she’d bounced on her toes and the look on his big brother’s face that very clearly said, ‘I’m so fucked’.

He thought about his childhood best friend a lot, these days. So much had happened in his life since she’d moved away, stuff that the two of them had daydreamed about as kids, staring up at shapes in the clouds and wondering what they’d be when they grew up. He wondered if she even remembered him. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to forget her.

Lost a little in thought as he took his drink and started forwards to go to his table, he bumped into someone. It wasn’t exactly a high impact collision - the coffee in his mug barely rippled - but the effect it had on his heart was seismic. Standing at his shoulder, a mixture of pure shock and embarrassment on his face, was the prettiest man Mikey had ever seen. If you had asked a younger, much more Catholic Mikey, what he thought angels looked like, he probably would have described the exact face that was now staring up at him. His tongue tripped over the words as he tried to apologise, barely aware that the man next to him was examining every detail of his face in sheer wonder.

“God, I am so sorry! Are you okay? I- I didn’t see you, I was- I... thinking a little too hard, sorry. I should’ve looked where I was going.”

Feeling like all the air had left his lungs, (y/n) managed a nod. “Yeah, I- I’m fine. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good. Didn’t even spill my drink, so...” He trailed off, something nagging at the back of his mind. As he tried to put his finger on what was catching his attention it darted away, like a fish clever enough to avoid a lured hook. He just couldn’t work out what it was; he wanted to put it down to the sheer beauty of the man before him, but a part of his brain was screaming that there was something more than that. “I... I’m sorry, do I know you? You look kinda familiar, but... I’m not great with faces.”

A smile caught at the edges of his mouth; he was going to have a little fun with this. Why wouldn’t he? Hundreds of times over the years he’d dreamt about what it would be like to swan into a room of his old classmates, watching them fawn over the teen heartthrob he’d become without realising who he’d been before, then basking in their reactions when he told them. Now, he was getting to play that out in real life for the very first time.

“Uh, yeah, I’m pretty sure we have met. I’m not great with names though, so... sorry.”

“Oh it’s okay. I’m Mikey.” He didn’t notice the little glimmer of emotion in the shorter man’s eyes. “I... wait. Hold up just a second, I do know you! You, uh, you’re one of (deadname)’s cousins, right? I think we met at someone’s birthday party.”

Somehow, his old name coming out of Mikey’s mouth didn’t make him as uncomfortable as he thought it might. He didn’t hate his dead name, not really; while some of the kids at school had been assholes about it for a while before getting bored with harassing him and moving on to some other poor sucker, his parents had never once used it against him maliciously. So while there was some discomfort there, it wasn’t as bad as the feelings that some of his trans friends had surrounding their deadnames. Perhaps it was the context, though: the fact he’d assumed that he was one of his own cousins was a shot of gender euphoria stronger than any liquor.

“Well, you’re almost there, so, uh, you get points for trying. But... I haven’t used that name in a good few years. I’ve been (y/n) since I was 14.”

Mikey’s jaw dropped, and he put his coffee down with enough force that it slopped a little over the side. His hands moved to (y/n)’s cheeks, squishing them gently the way he’d always done when they’d made fun of each other as kids. He moved to do the same back, the tears finally spilling over. “Hiya Mikes.”

In the space of a second, Mikey was hugging him tightly enough to crush some ribs, sniffling into his shoulder just as he had done on that day so many years ago. He smelled almost exactly the same, that soft note of cotton scented deodorant mixed with laundry powder and minty shower gel, dashed with something that was so unique to his best friend that he’d know it a hundred miles away. (y/n)’s hands splayed across his back in the same way they always had, his forehead pressed against Mikey’s neck. He’d always felt safe like that, listening to the thrum of his heart beneath his skin, feeling his breath on the top of his head. When he was with Mikey, the rest of the world just slid away. He was glad that that had stayed the same after so long, too.

The barista set (y/n)’s coffee down at the end of the counter, smiling softly at the obvious emotional moment going on before shifting the rest of the queue ever so slightly so that they wouldn’t block people’s way.

He pulled back, eyes glittering with disbelief as he tested the new name on his tongue. “(y/n)... (y/n). God, that suits you so well. You... you look amazing.”

“Yeah? You’ve grown up pretty well yourself.” Blushing deeply at his compliment, he allowed himself to stare at Mikey properly. He really had matured, growing into those pretty cheekbones magnificently. All those times he’d imagined what his best friend might look like now, and he’d never quite pictured him like this. But looking at him now, it all made sense. And the raging crush that he’d had when he was twelve years old came back, crashing down on him like a ton of bricks.

Little did he know, the exact same thoughts were going through Mikey’s head. He was astounded by how much he’d changed - and yet, how much he’d stayed the same. The shorter haircut fit his facial features so well, and his style was pretty much the same as it had always been; it just framed him so much better now. He was head over heels, and there was no hope of denying it. If Gerard walked in right now, he’d instantly jump to making the exact same jokes he always made about Mikey having a crush - without even realising that he was joking about the exact same person, over a decade later.

“Dude, please tell me you’ve got time to sit down.”

“For you? Always.”

Finally picking up their coffees the two of them headed over to the corner table, settling opposite each other and grinning wide enough to split their faces in two. They were both taller than they had been the last time they’d sat here; their knees were squished together under the table. The two of them started talking at the same time, giggling as their words overlapped before stopping for a second.

“You go.”

“No, you can start.”

“No, you go first.”

The bickering took them straight back to old times, and soon the conversation was flowing like water. It didn’t seem possible to cover over a decade of separation in as much detail as they both needed, but they certainly tried their best.

“So, yeah. The FBI came round.”

“You were fifteen?”

“Yeah.”

“Your mom must have wanted to kill you!”

“Oh she did... I still got to go the gigs though. That Pumpkins tour was insane.”

When they got round to the story of (y/n)’s transition, Mikey had tons of questions to ask. Like everyone else, he found his coming out story hilarious - and knowing his mom personally made it even funnier. When he talked about his voice cracking after getting on testosterone, the only thing Mikey could say was, “Now you know how I felt! I wish I’d been there to give you the same shit you gave me.”

He smiled softly, hands wrapped around his mug. “Yeah, I wish you’d been there too. I’ve missed you a lot, you know.”

“I’ve missed you too. I don’t know if I can describe just how much, but...” Trailing off, Mikey pushed back the sleeve of his hoodie, revealing the tatty band of coloured string around his left wrist. “I’ve worn this since you sent it to me. It hasn’t come off once.”

Mouth hanging open, (y/n) pulled his hand closer to take a better look. Both men tried their hardest not to show just how wonderful it felt to hold the other’s hand, but when (y/n) pushed his own sleeve back to show the matching friendship bracelet, just as ragged and grubby as Mikey’s, the two of them cried almost enough to refill their empty coffee cups.

It took (y/n) a few tries to choke the words out through the tears. “I thought... I thought maybe you would’ve forgotten about me.”

“Never. No way.” Mikey squeezed his hand, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “You’re the one person I could never forget. Not in a million years.”

“I only ever took this off once, you know.”

“A whole once?” He managed a laugh, rolling his eyes. “Wow, I see how it is.”

“Hey, it wasn’t exactly my idea!” (y/n) scoffed, whacking him softly. “I wasn’t allowed to have it on when I went in for top surgery, something about an infection risk. My mom was there when I woke up after, and apparently the first thing I said was, and I quote-” He paused, taking a deep breath for effect. “If anyone touches my damn bracelet, I’ll eat their balls.”

Mikey cackled so hard he almost fell out of his chair, clutching at his ribs as he wheezed. “You’d eat their balls?”

“Shut up, I was doped up on painkillers! I don’t even remember it happening.” When Mikey continued laughing, he grabbed a packet of sugar from the little tub on the table and tossed it at his face. “I bet you say stupid things when you’re drunk too.”

“Well...”

The two of them sat there trading stories about being in My Chemical Romance and working as a photographer at concerts until the cafe closed, apologising profusely to the very amused barista as they watched her switch all the machines off, then the lights.

Mikey offered to walk (y/n) home, both of them delighted to find out that they only lived a five minute walk away from each other. They traded phone numbers at the door to (y/n)’s apartment building and were texting before he’d even got in the elevator, elated to finally be back in each others lives. Neither man had wanted to say goodbye, but the promise of seeing each other again tomorrow kept them going. After so long, the thought of missing out on anything else was too much to bear.

~~~~~~~~~~

And so three weeks later, as he set his bag down in the little stand next to the hospital bed, (y/n) shot a quick text to Mikey.

Hey! Won’t be around today - I’m having the ol’ baby-making kit removed up at the hospital this morning. I’m pretty sure I told you about that but if I didn’t... well, I just did! Anyway, I’ll be pretty sleepy post-op, and the doctors have told me I’ll have to take it easy for a while, so I’ll catch up with you in a few days, yeah? Say hi to your mom for me!

The two of them had spent at least fifteen of the last twenty-one days in each other’s company in one way or another, whether it was at someone’s flat or out for coffee or wandering around the comic book store for hours on end. It was a shame that he probably wouldn’t see him for another week or so, given that he had mentioned a couple of interviews that had been scheduled for the band. But the doctors had told him in no uncertain terms that he’d have to take it easy for at least four or five days, to give the incision a chance to start healing before putting it through too much stress. So he’d have to settle for texting, just for a little while.

Careful to put his bracelet in the safest place possible, (y/n) slipped quickly into the hospital gown and stuck his head out from around the curtain.

“Okay! I’m good to go.”

When he woke three hours later, groggy and aware of a slight pulling sensation across his stomach, he certainly hadn’t expected to also feel a hand tucked into one of his. Careful not to sit up just yet, he glanced down - smiling at the sight of his bracelet, back where it belonged. And a very familiar person sitting in the chair next to his bed.

Spotting the little movement, Mikey squeezed his hand, grinning. “Couldn’t have you threatening to eat anyone’s balls this time.”

“Much appreciated.”

“How are you feeling? And you didn’t tell me before, by the way, so I freaked the fuck out reading that earlier.”

He laughed slightly, wincing a little as the pulling sensation got stronger. “Sorry. But hey, no more uterus. That’s pretty fucking cool.”

“Yeah, it sure is.” He stroked across the back of his hand, careful not to knock the cannula where it was taped in place. “Do you want me to get a nurse? Tell someone you’re awake?”

“Nah, they’ll find out eventually.” His eyes slid closed again, heavy with the weight of anaesthesia. “You being here is enough right now.”

Mikey tried to tell himself that it was just the meds talking, but he couldn’t help but feel a little giddy at those words. He was ridiculously, stupendously, immeasurably in love with his best friend, and right now he wanted the whole world to know it. Ideally he’d tell him first, of course, but that required being brave. And he really didn’t know if now was the right time.

Inhibitions steamrollered by the remaining drugs in his system, (y/n) had no such problem, and just kept rambling on. “Y’know, I’m so glad I found you again.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Thought I was gonna have to make do with committing all your bass lines to memory. This is so much better.”

“You know, I’d always wondered whether you’d find out about the band or not. Every time I get on stage, I imagine you being in the crowd, having the best time. Maybe I can bring you to a show someday.”

“Oh, I’d love that.” He nodded thoughtfully, still holding Mikey’s hand. “But I would be happy anywhere as long as I was with you.”

“You would?”

“Mhm.” He yawned, stretching his neck gently. “Don’t you ever go anywhere without me ever again, Mikey Way. You’re my everything.”

“I... I am?” That pretty much sounded like a confession to him, and his heart ached against his ribs as he tried to scrape together the courage to say something back.

But as he took his first deep breath, (y/n) had already drifted back to sleep.

When he woke again an hour and a half later, he had zero recollection of the conversation they’d had. Mikey was very quick to realise this, given the way his face lit up at the sight of the little friendship bracelet.

“Aww, did you put that back? Thank you. And thank you for being here.”

“Hey, I’d do anything for you.” Knowing that really, it was now or never, he decided to take the plunge. “So, you were awake earlier. Do you remember anything from that?”

“I was awake?” (y/n) frowned, thinking for a second before shaking his head. “I don’t remember being awake.”

“I didn’t think you would. You, uh... you weren’t making much sense, but there was one thing I did pick out.”

“Mhm?” All of a sudden, anxiety clawed at his veins. What had he said? Had he confessed the way he felt? Was this Mikey’s way of telling him that he wasn’t comfortable being friends any more because of it?

“So I needed to tell you...” He paused for a second, taking (y/n)’s other hand in his free one and bringing it to his lips. “You’re my everything too. I... God, I am so in love with you it doesn’t even feel real. I’ve been in love with you since I was eleven years old, and you going away tore me apart. And now you’re home again, and you’re you, and it’s the most incredible thing. I thought those feelings had gone away, but... they’re so strong. You’ve still got that stupid sense of humour, and amazing taste in music, and you’ve gone from being that crazy tiny kid to the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. I love you so much.”

(y/n) was entirely speechless for a few moments, struggling to comprehend exactly what was going on. Was he dreaming this? Was this the anaesthesia playing tricks, lighting up the sleeping parts of his brain and sending his mind on a wild goose chase? But no. The feeling of Mikey’s breath, warm against his cold knuckles, was enough to prove that this had to be real. And he damn well knew what he was going to do about it.

He started to sit up very slowly, not wanting burst stitches to ruin the moment. Mikey tried to stop him, eyes watery as he waited anxiously for a response but still more concerned with his safety. “What- what are you doing?”

“Something I should’ve done a very long time ago.”

And, as gently as he could, (y/n) kissed him.

The sensation made the emotions they both felt upon coming back to New Jersey seem miniscule, insignificant. It couldn’t possibly matter where in the world they were, as long as they had each other. Careful to avoid the new wounds, Mikey settled one hand on (y/n)’s thigh and the other on the back of his neck, keeping him as close as he dared as they drank each other in. This was everything he’d dreamed of. For now, he had no intentions of telling the other man that he’d been the subject of every wet dream, the thought fuelling every hasty wank. No intentions of telling him that he’d pictured them meeting again, falling in love, spending the rest of their lives together. No intentions of telling him that instead of a prom date, he’d taken a Polaroid of the two of them and kept it in his pocket the whole night, never dancing with anybody else.

And of course, (y/n) definitely wasn’t going to tell him that his was the name he whispered in the dead of night, fingers finding all the right places and wondering what it would feel like if they belonged to him. Definitely wouldn’t reveal that he’d slept with the shirt that he’d given him as a goodbye present every day for three whole years after moving away, desperately needing him to be back by his side. Definitely wasn’t going to share that every time he’d seen a couple walking down the street, he’d pictured it as if it was the two of them instead.

Not yet, anyway. All those stories could wait for later - they had forever to spare. For now, the only thing that mattered was the way their lips felt against each other, like they’d been designed solely for the other to appreciate. Like they’d been made for each other right from the very start.

Well, (y/n) thought as they broke apart for air, foreheads pressed together and hands stroking sides. Eleven year old me is definitely punching the air right now.

“I love you too, idiot.”

“R-really?” The hope in Mikey’s eyes was brighter than the stage lights he was still so uneasy performing under, shining as (y/n) cupped his face. He moved to do the same, smiling as he rolled his eyes.

“The kiss wasn’t enough to prove it, huh?”

“I don’t know man. Maybe it’s best that you do it again.”

(y/n) grinned as he leant back in. “Well I guess I’ll have to, won’t I? Because I don’t plan on letting you out of my sight any time soon.”

“Oh, what a shame.”

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readerxlit · 3 years ago

Text

Here's my disclaimer that I am Trans so the inability for me to word this post is stupidity not ignorance

Anyway the persona protagonists when their s/o comes out to them as a Trans person of the same gender as them (after formerly being presented as their assigned gender)

P3-p5 including femc

P3/Minato/Makoto

"Okay."

Doesn't really care what your gender is

That's not to say he doesn't care about how it affects you

He does care how you feel but as far as it changing your relationship? Doesn't matter. Your gender was irrelevant to how he felt about you

Pretty immediately and easily switches pronouns, and if you have a new name easily switches that

Basically will just be like "alright tell me what to change"

If you're only out to him and don't want others to know then he'll keep quiet about it pretty easily

Will likely find ways to avoid misgendering you as much as possible without outing you. Just subtly avoiding gendered words. Likely motioning to you instead of using your deadname if you have one

Because he so casual about it no one notices

Will be there for whatever you need, but doesn't really know what to do on his own- and is also Big Tired- so he won't go out of his way to do much without being asked

If you do want to come out to others in SEES he'll ask to be there with you for support and is honestly relieved to be able to refer to you correctly around them

More worried about if you're okay than anything else if someone makes a mistake, so you usually would be the one to correct them. (Unless Koro is around because his disappointment in them is tangible)

FeMC/Minako/Hamuko

Ah so now she has a cute girlfriend? Great 10/10

Your gender wasn't a huge factor to her before. It may have had some impact but not enough to change how she feels

She likely already knew she liked girls too so nothing to work through as far as that goes

She also switches pretty easily to new pronouns and name

She probably has a harder time continuing to use the wrong ones if you don't want others to know because her brain has already replaced all of that with the new stuff

On the bright side that means she almost never trips up when you're alone and usually realizes before even finishing the word when she does.

Though because she's usually so good about it she's a bit Too apologetic about it, but luckily you rarely need to remind her it's okay and that she can just correct herself and move on

Similarly to her counterpart she also tries to subtly avoid using gendered language and your deadname (if you have one) in conversation; instead motioning to you or giving you pet names since you're in a relationship and no one will question it

She's very supportive and will likely do whatever she can to make you more comfortable

Probably helps you find clothes that are neutral enough to feel less directly masculine so you can feel a little better in them without drawing unwanted attention

If you also come out to the rest of SEES she's your number one supporter and usually beats you to any corrections

P4/Yu

He is so supportive and so confused

That means you're boyfriends now right? Does he need to start calling you handsome instead of pretty? You can be both, but what if you don't want to be called pretty?

He's a little too ready to support you and asks a lot of questions, but if you tell him he's being overwhelming or making you uncomfortable he will stop immediately

As far as this making your relationship mlm? That's fine doesn't really think his s/o's gender matters as far as being in a relationship with them

He's probably worried about the others reaction more for your sake than his own. He can shut comments down pretty easily but he still worries

If you don't want anyone else to know? Okay he can do that. Is pretty good at instantly switching back and forth when you're alone or with other people.

He probably messes up sometimes when you're alone but he's pretty quick to realize and correct himself

Lends you clothes and if anyone asks it's just because he likes the idea of you wearing his shirts or jackets or whatever and people will go "okay yeah that's a thing" just fine

If you do come out to the investigation team he's so ready to support you and is always very quick on the draw to correct them without making a huge thing of it. It's kind of impressive how quickly he can go "he is, go on" or whatever

Absolutely does research on Trans stuff in his own time too because he cares A Lot and doesn't want to hurt you because of any ignorance he might have

If you haven't chosen a different name, but want one, don't tell him because he will make a list of like 80 names of extremely varying quality

Or do I guess; maybe one will stick

P5/Ren/Akira

Oh hell yeah we gay in this house

Legitimately didn't care about whether his s/o was a boy or girl (or neither or, ect., ect.) but since this is important he's very much like "oh nice I've got myself a boyfriend"

The switch of pronouns and name are pretty easy for him in general. He may mess up sometimes but he's good at catching it, correcting himself, and moving on

If you don't want others to know he finds plenty of ways to avoid language that genders you

Probably gives you a nickname unrelated to your deadname (if you have one) to call you when around the others. If anyone questions it he says it's just a pet name because you're in love or whatever

Probably already knows more than you expect about Trans stuff and is always willing to learn more

Supportive but doesn't really know what you want or need so waits until you mention something to try and help.

Will buy you clothes that are less feminine without warning. In general they're more neutral than masc, especially if you're only out to him, but he's doing his best

Also if you do want to come out to the other phantom thieves he's so ready to finally be able to go "my boyfriend" when talking about you

Honestly might refer to you too much when you're alone 1) to sort of train himself into using the right name and terms and 2) to be affirming

#minato arisato #minako arisato #hamuko arisato #makoto yuki #yu narukami #ren amamiya #akira kurusu #persona 3 #persona 4 #persona 5 #persona scenarios #headcanons #male reader #fem reader #ml writes #completed

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burns-art-account · 4 years ago

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My version of Dani/ Ellie because I´m just not that big of a fan of the canon one.

Headcanon/ idea stuff below:

> The clone thing: The other clones before her were unstable/ beta versions who weren´t as sentient as her and depended on Vlad to stay existent. He used his own ectoplasm to keep them together and “running”. Said ectoplasm had his intent all over it, influencing said clone´s self perception. They weren´t their own individuals to begin with, barely more sentient than a blob ghost, moldable like dough. Vlad´s ectoplasm just acted like hot glue, keeping them together but shaping them how he wanted them to be.

Dani was a stable version, the alpha version before the final product. She didn´t need the ectoplasm like the clones before her, she was as sentient as the humanoid ghosts, she was an individual. Therefore her self perception wasn´t influenced like the others, she´s female because Danny´s trans and born biologically female. Vlad doesn´t know that, because the Fentons are supportive and don´t deadname/ out their son and Danny himself would not out himself to his archnemesis, so he was baffled. She was not the perfect son he wanted.

But she tried, in the beginning. She copied Danny as best as she could based on pictures and stories but to Vlad she just wasn´t what he wished to achieve. To him, she was a “forward but backward” riddle, finally a stable version but obviously something had to be wrong. And he let her feel it, her copying him was the least she could do, according to Vlad, she should at least be him as much as she could. Developing her own sense of self, an own identity was out of question.

Until she got bailed out. After Danny wrecked the lab and beat up Vlad with her help she wasn´t welcomed anymore. She had no idea were to go, who she was, where she wanted to go. She was a copy, a try to capture the original, and now she was noone. She stayed in one of Sam´s empty rooms for a while so they could help her become confident in herself.

First came the “why am I a girl?” question, cue explaining and exploring gender identities and biologicals sexes. Dani didn´t feel uncomfortable at the thought of being a girl, going through puberty and becoming a woman, which was obvious difference number one. She didn´t feel a sense “must protect” like he did, instead she became obsessed with freedom. Not being tied down by anyone else´s wishes, being able to leave if she wants to. She also wasn´t able to create ice in the same manner Danny did, not the same precision nor the same brute power. But water worked out, she could wield it with same skill Danny showed with ice. Jazz mused that it must be because of the nature of water, it can spill and evaporate, escape, but also be force to be reconned with, something she can protect herself with.

Ember helped out with her identity crisis, she herself knew what it was like to not be the person you wished to be. Over the period of time spent together with everyone she went through several stages. The first was an overly girly one extremely long hair and pink dresses in an attempt to counter out the time she had to copy Danny, it didn´t work out. The second was a crisis, literally. She was stable, yet she still couldn´t decide between being solid, a gas or being a liquid. Her from looked wrong, it was distorted and pulsing. Ember and Danny as ghosts were the only ones able to stay with her, the energy in her from didn´t cause the feeling of wrongness that her human friends felt, so they talked her through it.

In the end she came out younger, similar to Danny but also more colourful like Ember. In her human form she looked similar to Danny, like a little sister. In her ghost form she looked more chaotic, more colourful. And she finally felt content with herself. She went from Dani to Ellie, from clone to a little sister.

> As Danny is obsessed with protection and space, Ellie is obsessed with freedom and insects, spiders and anything with more than two legs.

> After Danny reveals himself to his parents he gets Ellie to stay with them. While it was nice to have a family, the Fentons just weren´t the right fit. She felt uncomfortable living with ghost hunters, with the lab and the weapons, and with their questioning nature. She ends up staying with aunt Alicia and lives the quiet farm life full of bugs, farm animal friends and wood adventures.

#Danny Phantom #Dani #Headcanon #redesign

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krisrix · 5 years ago

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17 Questions

Thanks very much for tagging me @captain-aralias @sourcherrymagiks @fight-surrender @angelsfalling16 🖤

Rules: Answer 17 questions & tag 17 people you want to get to know better

Nickname: Kris, technically, though that’s the ‘real’ name I go by.

Fun fact:

If I miss a delivery and need to go pick it up, they always give me a hard time because ‘Kris’ is not what’s on my ID, though it is a shortened version of my deadname. How much you wanna bet that if my ID said Kristopher, it would be fine? Do Bobs and Matts and Joes all get shit when they pick up their packages? I doubt it!

Zodiac Sign: Libra. Apparently my star chart is fuckkkkeddddd

Height: 5'7″

Hogwarts house: Slytherin 🐍

Last thing I googled: “puppet master that cursed my dick” (see previous post)

Song stuck in my head: Can’t Take My Eyes Off You

Following and followers: 446 following, 2793 followers (I’ve been here a long time and most of these are dead accounts LOL)

Amount I sleep: 6-7 hours, though I can sleep for 12 if the anxiety doesn’t catch me 🏃‍♂️

Lucky Numbers: ??????

Dream Job: Hell if I know! Thought I had my dream job and then my brain snapped, sooooo

Wearing: Black trackies with a yellow stripe, grey waffle knit long tee, black oversized cardigan

favourite song(s): This varies a lot - my music taste is a disaster

Favourite instruments: Uhh I used to play some piano but never wanted to practice (like every hobby of mine). I would love to someday magically be able to play the piano, violin, and accordion.

Random Fact: I was ONE class away from finishing pre-med in undergrad, but my prof in that class was so fucking awful, I threw away my MCAT books and changed my major. I had to do an extra 18 months of uni because of that. That’s how much I hated that class.

Favourite Authors: I don’t read much! 😬😬😬 So it’s gotta be Rainbow!

Favourite Animal Noises: NOT my dog who is standing behind me and SCREAMING HIS HEAD OFF because I’m not paying attention to him!!!

Aesthetic: Just like with my music, I’m all over the place. Fitted three-piece suit? Fuck yes. Punk shit? Yeehaw. Pastels? Sure! Streetwear? Sign me up! I’m on board for anything. If it’s good, it’s good.

tagging: 17 people?! Yeah right. Let’s try 7: @thehoneyedhufflepuff @warriorbeeofthesea @carryonsimoncarryonbaz @vkelleyart @adamarks @theflyingpeach @carryonvisinata

#ask meme

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joygaytrash · 6 years ago

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Source of Comfort(Spiderverse AU)

Word count: 1289

Notes: Me? Writing more of @sugarglider9603 and @galaxy-lilies-main Spiderverse AU? More likely than you think. Also, this is kinda based off this drawing by Sugar and quick warning, there’s a bit of transphobia. Other than that, I hope you like it~

Emile really didn't think about where he was going. He just let his feet carry him to wherever they wanted to go. His arms were wrapped around his body to keep out whatever cold attempted to get in.

He stopped at the crosswalk just as the 'no walking' sign glowed brightly across the street. He didn't even notice he was tapping his foot anxiously on the ground under the nice old man next to him pointed it out.

"Now, what's a nice young man like you doing out in this cold New York weather," The old man asked, catching Emile's attention.

"Oh, uh, I'm just going to visit someone," Emile said, awkwardly smiling(and he felt his heart warm up a little just from a stranger referring to him as a man).

"Well, from the way you're tapping your foot, you must be in hurry to get there,"

"Yeah," A small laugh came from Emile's lips, "I gotta talk to him about something important," Emile responded just as the the 'no walking' sign changed to 'walking'.

"Well, I wish you the best of luck, young man. Now, I should get back inside to my wife," The old man said, chuckling a bit.

"Thank you and I wish you the best of luck as well, sir," Emile said back before jogging across the crosswalk to the other side. Once he reached the other side of the crosswalk, Emile sighed and kept on walking to his destination.

As he kept walking, Emile kept thinking back to the argument he just had with his dad, the one that made him make this trip. If Emile was being honest, the argument was a petty one. His dad just wanted to start something, again, just to piss Emile's mom off, he knew that very well.

"You just can't keep Emily from me, Evelyn! She's my daughter too!" Richard yelled.

"His name's Emile, Richard, and you know that!" Evelyn shot back, keeping her distance from him because she knew very well that if Richard was any closer to her, Evelyn would not hesitate to punch him.

"Oh, you actually believe that whole act of hers, Evelyn? You've got to be joking me!" He exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air.

"Go to hell!" Emile shouted from behind his mom. He was tired and not in the mood to deal with whatever bullshit his dad dragged to his mom's house. Emile had been out late on patrol the night before and didn't get home until about three in the morning.

"Quiet, Emily. Your mother and I are talking,"

"Damn it, Dad, my name's Emile! Not Emily!"

"Well, I'm sorry for giving you a name that your mother and I like!"

"And I'm sorry that Mom had to deal with your shit!"

What Richard had said next, completely crossed the line into new untouched territory.

"And I'm sorry you were ever born,"

Emile shook his head gently, ridding his thoughts of the argument. He wiped the newly formed tears from his eyes as he walked up to the front door of Thomas' place. Emile jogged up the stairs and took a deep breath, knocking on the door.

A few moments later, the door opened and the light flowed outside. Standing in the doorway was Thomas, already dressed in his pajamas.

"Hey kid, what's up?" Thomas asked, leaning on the door frame.

"I just needed to get out of there," Emile said, his voice breaking at the end as tears formed in his eyes again.

"I-I'm sorry, I just-," Emile was cut off by Thomas' concerned voice. "Woah, woah, it's fine, kid. Let's get you inside, okay? Then, you can tell me everything," Thomas calmly suggested, keeping his voice at a low volume.

Emile nodded before practically lunging at Thomas, hugging him. Thomas hugged the teen back, allowing him to cry on his shoulder. "It's okay, you're safe here," Thomas cooed, holding Emile close. The teen cries harder, burying his face in the fabric of Thomas' shirt.

A couple minutes passed and Thomas managed to get Emile inside his place. Emile sat on the couch, wrapped in a blanket as he blankly stared at the coffee table. Thomas quietly watched him as the tea brewed behind him.

Something was running through Emile's mind, Thomas could tell. And Thomas knew exactly why Emile came to his place and at this point, Thomas was ready to fight Emile's dad, everyone in the group was.

The whistle of the teapot tore Thomas from his thoughts. He sighed before going to attend to the tea.

"Here you go, kid. One fresh cup of green tea, your favorite," Thomas said, holding the mug out to Emile.

"Thanks," Emile mumbled, his voice clearly hoarse from crying. Thomas smiled and nodded, taking a seat next to Emile.

They sat in silence for minutes on end, drinking their tea. Thomas kept his mouth shut the whole time. He wanted Emile to take his time to talk to him. Thomas rather let Emile talk when he's ready instead of forcing him to tell him what happened.

"He said he was sorry I was ever born," Emile blurted out, catching Thomas' attention, "Him and my mom got in his argument earlier and he was deadnaming me as usual, s-so I told him to go t-to hell and then we went a-at it. And next thing I-I know, he sa-says that he's sorry th-that I was ever bo-born," Emile explained, trying not to cry.

"Oh kid," Thomas took his and Emile's mugs and set them on the coffee table before hugging the teen again, "Don't listen to that bastard, he doesn't know what he's talking about. You were put on this planet for a reason and you know that, kid," Thomas stated.

"Ye-Yeah? And what's th-that reason?"

"To be yourself, obviously. That's your number one goal when you're born,"

Emile gave the man a tearing smile, hugging Thomas back tightly, "Th-Thanks Thomas. I really, really nee-needed to hear that," Emile replied.

"No problem, Em. I'm always willing to lend an ear when you need to talk,"

"Noted,"

Small, sleep filled laughters filled the empty space in the living room, shifting the mood slowly.

***

Evelyn pulled up to Thomas' place twenty minutes after his call. She made her way up the stairs and knocked on the door. She patiently waited until the door opened, revealing Thomas.

"Hey, Emile's passed out on the couch. Want me to carry him to your car?" Thomas asked quietly, not wanting to wake Emile.

"If you'd like, you can put him in the passenger seat. The car's unlocked," Evelyn responded, stepping to the side for Thomas. He nodded and went back inside before coming back out with Emile asleep in his arms.

The two walked over to Evelyn's car. She opened the passenger door and Thomas gently placed him in, securing him with the seat belt.

"Thanks again for this, Thomas, I owe you one," Evelyn said, walking to the driver's side. Thomas shook his head, chuckling a bit. "No need, Mrs.Picani, just doing my job as mentor,"

"Please call me Evelyn. I don't really like going by my last name," Evelyn pointed out.

"I'll remember that for next time,"

"Great and before I leave, I just want to say that Emile talks very highly of you, Thomas and he was right, you are a very nice man. Whatever you're doing with those boys, keep up the work,"

Thomas' smile beamed. "Thank you, Evelyn. I'll keep up the work," He exclaimed. She laughed and said goodbye before getting in her car and left. Thomas stood outside for a few moments then sighed, going back inside for the night with a smile on his face.

#spiderverse au #sanders sides emile picani #sanders sides dr picani #sanders sides #thomas sanders #transphobia/#joywrites #joygaytrash

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thanksjro · 5 years ago

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Eugenesis, Part Six Scene Six: Jolup Sinks Rewind’s Ship

You sure as shit have, sugarplum.

It’s time to get the down-low on everyone’s favorite severely-depressed detective.

So, hey, remember waaaaay back in Part One, when Nightbeat used his deadname to sign a report accidentally? It’s okay if you don’t, because I sure did.

God, that was ages ago, wasn’t it? Anyway, that string of numbers is his biocode, which I guess sort of functions as his social security number. So, if any of y’all wanna go ahead and steal his identity, I’m not gonna say anything.

Now, that’s a mighty low number for a Transformer. Strikingly low, even. Turns out that Nightbeat wasn’t biomorphically created, but rather cold constructed. Cold construction as a term didn’t exist within the canon when this was written- trust me, I checked. Sure, robots were built, as opposed to bursting from another’s torso like an over-microwaved hotdog, but they usually turned out like the Dinobots… that is to say, not exactly smart.

Cold construction was an experiment, trying to build Transformers outside of the messy lines of “genetics" and “family lineage”, and as it turns out, the first batch didn’t come out as expected. Or, at least, Nightbeat didn’t.

Hey there, friends. Just a head’s up, before I try to tackle this: I am, as far as I’m aware, neurotypical. With that in mind, let’s take a look at what may be an honest attempt at inclusion for a neurodivergent take on a character in a story published in 2001.

Now, some of these snippets look kind of harsh at face value, but let’s take a closer look. Everything harsh isn’t really Nightbeat putting himself down, but rather him quoting what others have said. Notice the use of quotation marks. Think back to Part One, how he was treated by his peers- they treat him like everyone else, they respect him, they trust his input. Hell, Rodimus himself wanted Nightbeat on the mission to go get Optimus from the past. Nobody who’s been in the story has tried to belittle Nightbeat for being wired differently. That’s fucking phenomenal treatment of a character like him in the early 2000’s.

I’m probably out of my depth here, but it seemed worthwhile to mention.

Anyway, back to the plot.

Right, that.

Nightbeat gets pulled out of his inner monologue when Red Alert asks if he’s okay, since he’s been staring off into space for the last little while. They’re still waiting for Optimus to show up, and everyone’s starting to get antsy. It’s hot as hell over by this collapsing wormhole, which isn’t helping them settle either.

Something finally comes up over the horizon, but you and I both know that it wouldn’t be Eugenesis if things just got on smoothly, now would it? Quantax starts firing on the team of Transformers, while he gets nervous about the wormhole still being there. He decides that if it is, he’ll jump back to this exact point in time to show himself that it is. This is a stupid plan, for a lot of reasons.

Good idea, Quantax.

While he’s trying to come up with something better, someone lands a lucky shot and takes his ship down. Trailbreaker goes to see who it is, I guess because he isn’t aware of what happened the last time a Transformer went to go see Quantax.

Oh no, he’s been turned into The Transformers The Movie Prowl!

Before anyone can try and save Trailbreaker’s stupid ass, the Quintessential Flying Fucks show up. Nightbeat’s not having it- he orders his team to take them down.

The Quintessential Flying Fucks are here for the wormhole as well, but they’ll be taking out the Autobots beforehand. While everyone else handles the Fucks, Nightbeat chases after Quantax, who just bolted for the temple.

Nightbeat catches up and tackles him to the ground, only to get himself pummeled for his efforts. As the blows rain down, Nightbeat tries to reason with Quantax that the wormhole is dangerous and shouldn’t be tampered with. Not sure why he thinks this would ever work, but alright.

Quantax, pal, do I have some friggin’ news for you.

Quantax pulls out of Nightbeat’s hold to hide in the shadows, only to jump out and slash him once he gets close enough.

I hope nothing bad happens to Muzzle here. I feel like Nightbeat really would snap if that orb got broken.

Trying to buy some time, Nightbeat tells Quantax about the futility of trying to change the past, the future, simply because it’s all already laid out, and has been from the beginning. Quantax doesn’t take the jab well, jumping out at Nightbeat again and stabbing him in the stomach, spilling his guts. Nightbeat uses the slump of his body to topple the both of them into the hole in the floor.

Outside the temple, Centurion’s wondering just how the fuck he’s still alive. Jolup’s got him by the throat, his legs have gone AWOL, and he honestly just wants to go home at this point. Jolup’s about to drop the poor guy in a conveniently-placed pool of lava, when Optimus finally shows up.

He, Thundercracker, and Astrotrain- who I’d legitimately forgotten was in this novel- are all pointing their weapons at Jolup, and demand he put the cinnamon roll down and back away slowly. It’s a sweet gesture. Too bad Centurion’s already dead, though.

With a grand, villainous flourish, he drops Centurion into the lava, where he promptly explodes, then flies off for the temple. Astrotrain pursues, as Optimus orders Thundercracker to find Nightbeat and get back to the eighties.

Sevax is in the middle of a scrape with Hound, about to be shot to death. Looks like it’s all over for this son of a gun.

Or not. Man, there goes Rewind’s weird coworker ship. Too bad, he’d already written a huge chunk of his slowburn Ultra Magnus/Hound coffeeshop AU slashfic.

Jolup tells Sevax to slap a bandaid on it and get ready to go while he goes and grabs Ryknia.

Back inside the temple, Nightbeat is clinging to Quantax like his life depends on it- because it does. They’re both hanging off the edge of a hole that’s filled with molten lava. Quantax pulls himself up with his very strong arms, just in time to stand up and immediately be shot back into the pit. Nightbeat dares to dream a dream almost too beautiful- that Optimus is here to save him, like the romance novel protagonist he is!

No such luck. It’s just the Quintessential Flying Fucks. But how did they shoot Quantax? Didn’t he make that impossible? Good thing they dragged Trailbreaker along for the ride, and also good thing he’d managed to keep hold of his gun. Loopholes are fun.

The Fucks run for the wormhole, and all Nightbeat can think to do at this point is stand in front of it and hope for the best. Or maybe the least worst, in this case.

But… but the lore!

Nightbeat gets them with the device as they go through the portal, thus wiping everything from their brains and assumedly dooming them to a short, brutal loop for the rest of time. Thus the plight of the Quintessential Flying Fucks draws to a flaccid and confusing close. I had a feeling this might happen. I was hoping it wouldn’t, though.

Thundercracker soars through the wormhole next, and Nightbeat manages to hit him with the mindpurge just as he crosses the barrier. He’s not even sure if it’s working anymore at this point.

Then Optimus gets there, and it’s time to take him back. They hold hands, click their heels three times, say “there’s no place like home”, and step into 1984. Optimus stares at the collection of almost-dead robots on the Ark, not really feeling the scene, as Nightbeat blathers on. He offers to let Optimus keep his memories of 2013, so he can try and prevent his own death. Optimus… well…

And then he gives Nightbeat a gun and tells him to shoot him until he’s basically dead. Which he does, once the guy’s had the entirety of the last few days scrubbed out of his head. There’s an actual reason for this, though I won’t lie, I kinda freaked out a little when I first got to this part. In order for Aunty to reformat Optimus into his fresh new Earth bod, he needs to be injured enough for the scans to pick up. While this is happening, we also get an explanation for why the 1984 Decepticons got reformatted too- the mindpurge dropped and rolled under the counter while Nightbeat was busy murdering his celebrity crush, and wiped the entire history of the war out of the ship’s database. Now it didn’t see Autobots and Decepticons, but rather just a whole slew of injured robots. So if we want to end prejudice, what we need to do is mindwipe our cars and then shoot our dads in the chest. Gotcha.

And then Mount St. Hilary erupts. Time to go.

Back in 2013, Astrotrain’s been reduced to being transportation, as he always is, and the team’s watching the wormhole cook the atmosphere around it from a good fifty miles away. Fun fact, the curvature of the earth makes it so that we can’t see more than eight miles in any given direction from sea-level. Even though they’re holed up in a building right now and arguably above sea-level, I can’t help but wonder just how friggin’ big Cybertron must be for them to be able to see this right now.

Genocide’s over! Time to break out the booze.

Nightbeat’s taking his sweet time, but it isn’t for a lack of trying. He’s been dodging the repair beams, trying not to kick dead people in the head as he scrambles for the portal. He gets there eventually, the wormhole now running so hot he literally bursts into flames and his eyes melt out of his head as he passes through.

There’s my macabre little man! Back to normal at last. All’s well that ends well!

The wormhole explodes as it shuts down behind him.

Hours after, things finally cool down enough for a rescue team to go try and find survivors.

Motherfuckin’-

NO.

NO, NIGHTBEAT, YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED.

That’s the end of Part Six.

#transformers #jro #eugenesis #part six #maccadam #Hannzreads #text post #long post #prose writing

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dysphoric-dumbass13 · 5 years ago

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guess what bitch. all of the flower asks. if i have to do it, you have to do it

Hahaha, love you too. Asshole.

Alisons: Sexuality? - Hahahaha bold of you to assume I have any clue. I like girls. I like guys. I like nonbinary people. And other people on the spectrum. I’m not pan, idk what though. Plus the label doesn’t really matter.

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender? - I’m a demiboy, so he/him/his or they/them/theirs. Whichever, it doesn’t really matter. Though I personally feel more masculine.

Amaryllis: Birthday? - Today lol (January 13th)

Anemone: Favorite flower? - Would it be cliche and stupid to say roses? Because those. Weirdly.

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show? - Damn that’s hard. Between BBC Sherlock, BBC Merlin, Supernatural, Once Upon A Time, and John Mulaney (shut up it counts)

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger? - It really depends on the situation. I would give away clothing, risk my life, give them shelter in my home, allow them to borrow my phone, but them lunch... I’d do a lot for anyone. Even though I have trust issues.

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes? - “Yeah, the asshole who sent me this (love you alex)” - @eyeforaneye-toothforatooth lmao. Truly though? “Your destiny is calling, you better find out what he wants.” and “A half cannot truly hate that which makes it whole.”, both from Merlin, about Merlin and Arthur. They're just so gay.

Aubrieta: Favorite drink? - Tea.

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? - Meh. Sure. I don’t really care. The one right before that by like 10 seconds, 100%.

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love? - Yes. Oh god yes.

Baneberries: Favorite song? - Literally impossible. You are insane.

Basket of Gold: Describe your family. - A disaster. Both biological and chosen. I have 3 little brothers in my chosen family and all of them are younger than me.

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it? - I have 5. The bitch who sent me this (love you), Evan, TJ, Shiro, and Sid.

Begonia: Favorite color? - Bloodred and black.

Bellflower: Favorite animal? - Wolves. They’re amazing.

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person? - I’m not a person. But mornings fuck me up dude.

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be? - A dodo bird. Because they’re all dead.

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? - So many things. A lead singer of a band (which I might get to do soon, yay), a policeman, an fbi agent, a photographer, etc.

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children? - I love them, I’d probably adopt older children because they need it the most, but I love children so much.

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why? - I answered this earlier, “I am afraid of spiders. Because they have so many legs and so many eyes and THEY DON’T FUCKING NEED ALL OF THEM LIKE WTF?!?!?!?!?!”

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood. - About 75% of the food my brother and I ate was Ramen, Pop Tarts, and instant rice.

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth? - With the people I love the most.

Buttercup: Relationship status? - Sadly single :(

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go? - Ireland. Without a doubt. It’s so beautiful.

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved? - I answered this one too. “When I’m cuddling with someone I care about while watching one of my favorite shows or movies. Or just when I’m cuddling someone I care about. And yes, that includes my puppy. (Funny joke, I’m watching Merlin while watching Merlin) (Merlin is my puppy).”

Canna: Do you have any tattoos? - Sadly no. I will though.

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings? - Two in each ear.

California Poppy: Height? - 5′3½″

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts? - Yeah.

Carnation: What are you currently wearing? - Jeans and a flannel, as always.

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight? - Yes.

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged? - Sid. He’s the best, honestly.

Chrysanthemum: Who was the last person you kissed? - TJ. He’s basically my brother. The person before that was Shiro, and both of those were New Years Day at like midnight.

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font? - Calligraphy. It’s so fun to write in. But in computers, Times New Roman for some reason.

Columbine: Are you tired? - *in Snape’s voice* Alllllllways

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to? - A good night’s sleep for once.

Coneflower: Dream job? - Lead singer of a rock band, which I’ll probably get to do soon!

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert? - Extrovert, definitely.

Crocus: Have you ever been in love? - This question was already asked. But yes.

Crown Imperial: What’s the furthest you’d go for someone you care about? - To the ends of the Earth.

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it? - Yes. It was a huge stuffed cheetah. Now it’s a giant stuffed bear from Evan.

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign? - Capricorn. I was supposed to be an Aquarius. And I personally think I’m an Aquarius more than a Capricorn.

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering? - Not really. Other than date people.

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment? - I don’t fucking know. Winning the school spelling bee in 5th grade?

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)? - I wouldn’t care. If I love them and they love me, that’s all that matters to me.

Dandrobium: Who is the last person you said “I love you” to? - Sid I think.

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at? - Idk. Singing?

Foxgloves: What is something you’re bad at? - Everything.

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened to you in the last month? - I got a puppy, I got my binder, I gave my (now ex) girlfriend the best gift I’ve ever given in my life.

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today? - Considering all I’ve done is watched Merlin, type this, and cuddle with Merlin? Pretty good.

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you're at in your life? - Nope.

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two? - Die :)

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life? - In no particular order: @eyeforaneye-toothforatooth, Evan, TJ, Shiro, Sid, Merlin, BBC Merlin, Sherlock, Supernatural, Harry Potter

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed? - Healthily? Dying my hair, listening to music, reading, writing, and getting hugs.

Hellebore: How do you show your affection? - Many ways. Mostly hand hearts, gifts, trust, and hugs.

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of? - My flannel collection. I don’t know the exact number but it’s immense.

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day. - cuddling with my friends while watching shows and movies and reading.

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time? - Read. Write. Listen to music. Watch TV. Cuddle.

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them? - ok gimme a sec.

@eyeforaneye-toothforatooth: They hated me when we met. We’ve known each other for... 3 or 4 years? We met in science in 6th grade I think.

Evan: We met in 6th grade. They noticed we had the same flannel on and commented on it. I hated them for like 2 years. Then we became friends, dated, now we’re best friends. I love them so much.

TJ: He was a friend of my best friend’s friend. Started hanging out in 7th grade, been like brothers ever since.

Shiro: Barely knew each other, then kinda “met” in 8th grade. Quickly became friends, dated, became best friends ever since.

Sid: Met him in SAGA this year. He bought me a binder, he’s the kindest person to me at my new school. I love him so much.

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything? - I can talk to @eyeforaneye-toothforatooth about practically everything. I love them so much.

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have? - Surprisingly a lot.

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? - Idk. “You look very handsome today.”?

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself? - What an utter piece of garbage.

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself? - My eyebrows? Idk they look cool, especially when I do them. One’s got a slit.

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself? - All of it.

Lilac: What is something you liked to do as a child? - Sleep. When I could.

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid? - It changed at least once every year. Paige, Sheyenne, Peyton, Chloe, the list goes on.

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty of? - I followed everyone in kinda making fun of this kid who was a trans girl. I felt so guilty about it then, and I feel so guilty about it now. I hope she is living her best life now, and if she’s reading this I want her to know I am so so sorry. And I have felt it too, I have been made fun of for my gender identification. I am so sorry.

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about? - Idk. There’s one thing I’m sworn not to tell about but the person who asked me this knows, so it doesn’t matter.

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name? - My deadname? Means “grace of god”, because my family is very Christian. My chosen name? Means “Defender of men; protector of mankind.” Which is honestly just so badass. I chose it because I liked it and it was genderneutral.

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it. - Fort Collins, Colorado babyyyyyyyyy. It was nice and peaceful and small and I loved it.

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up? - Small. Always a disaster. Sadly shared with my brother.

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years? - So far? Sucky as fuck. I hate it. I love my friends, but other than that I hate it. I’m only like halfway through them anyway. It’s been spent trying to prove to my parents that I am just as good as my brother, who I happened to raise.

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom. - Awesome. Sweet and kind, short, with red hair, hazel eyes, and freckles. She’s caring, and she was raised in a Christian house but she’s trying so hard to be accepting, to fight against her religion for her child and I love that so much. I love her so much.

Onions: Tell about your dad. - Kinda annoying. Plays video games all day and makes my brother and I do everything around the house. He tries to be nice and stuff but it really doesn’t work that well. He basically says he “doesn’t care” about the whole sexuality thing and gender thing and then he says stuff like “you can’t really know til your hormones have settled” and “Your name is your name until you can legally change it.” It’s stupid.

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents. - Which ones? I have multiple. I have 4 grandmas and 4 grandpas. Tho I suppose they’re all pretty similar. Very Christian, yet pretty accepting. They love me to death. I have one super transphobic grandpa, but basically all of them helped me raise my brother when I was little and my dad was asleep from working nights and my mom was at work all day. I owe them a lot. And I love them so much.

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it so memorable? - My 12th. My best friend Val was there and so was my friend Tei and that was it, and they basically got along too well and I was really left out of things at my own birthday party. It was annoying. It was the first time I ever felt true jealousy, and that’s why I remember it so well. I haven’t liked a birthday since because it reminds me of that. I used to like it because it was a day when my parents actually payed attention to me and were off, but now everyone makes too big of a deal of it and I just wish it didn’t exist.

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any? - SAGA club, he founded it a couple years ago. He’s super kind to me and he does so much for me, god I don’t deserve him. He bought me a binder. And he’s my best friend. I love him so much.

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain? - Healthily? Getting hugs and cuddles from my better friends. I can’t really do much of that lately though. *cries in a corner*

Pink: Where is home? - With the family and friends I’ve found.

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change? - Wow. Hard choice. I’d either kill Hitler as a baby, or prevent my own conception.

Prarie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them. - Sid if you’re reading this I am so sorry, and I’m so sorry for mentioning you so much. But I look up to him, because he is one of the best people I know. I love him so much. He’s sweet and just sadncaspdnnhciodsifcnsjxsojcm.

Primrose: Describe your ideal life. - Idc what’s going on in it, as long as it’s with my found family and friends. I’d like my depression, anxiety, and ADHD to disappear though, ideally.

Rhondendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child? - Jesus. Or life. Either one works.

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life? - That’s hard. @eyeforaneye-toothforatooth, Sid, Evan, TJ, Shiro, Freddie Mercury, Elton John, or David Bowie (may Mercury and Bowie rest in peace)

Rose: What’s your favorite sound? - Music. Definitely music.

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory? - When I was at our first organized rehearsal for OneActs. I just love hanging out with so many fellow gays (and yes, I am including the straight twink that is Simon)

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory? - Um, I don’t want to go into detail on that. I was 5. It was bad.

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want? - A boyfriend lol

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things? - Depends. In a relationship? Pretty easy. Any other time? Near impossible until I break.

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine your life without? - There’s 3. Pie, music, and my brother TJ.

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night? - I doped myself up on melatonin so about 7½. Usually its between 1 and 4, if I’m lucky enough to fall asleep.

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning? - The people I care most about. My best friends. Also the reason I don’t stab myself through the heart. They keep me going. I love them all so much. They mean too much to me to hurt them, if I could in any way.

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job? - Living or school? Either one I hate it. I don’t have an actual job.

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing? - My flannels. Or my band tees. Or my leather jacket from TJ.

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic. - I don’t fully know what this is asking. I guess the smell of worn flannel, old worn leather, grease from a car, hair dye, smudged eyeliner, and conjoined lips? Idk.

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you? - Idk. Best present I’ve ever recieved was a binder. But I’d say worn flannel from a thrift store.

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now? - Grandparents spamming my phone with “Happy Birthday [deadname]!!!” texts

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the last few months? What were they called? - Idk dude.

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year? - Dead or with a partner.

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is? - Oddly enough, no. But I don’t think I want to.

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself. - I have green eyes.

Kass I hate you.

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queerhargreeves · 5 years ago

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Not A Hardship

TUA Pride Month, day 5: Coming out

Diego has been sitting on a thought for a while now: How did Five adjust to his identity so well? I mean, he knows that the kid read Vanya’s book. And she had the courtesy to at least use his name and pronouns in the godforsaken thing. But he must’ve looked like a complete stranger - an imposter. He was 13, forced to see his dead, transitioned sibling. Five hasn’t once slipped up on his name or pronouns since he’s been back.

TW: Slight discussion of misgendering/transphobia

Diego Hargreeves has had to “come out” many, many times throughout his life. Certainly more than most people barely out of their 20’s. He’s been out as male for 15 years now, bisexual for 10. The process of coming out certainly isn’t a one time thing: you don’t just tell people once. It’s a never ending cycle.

He’s gone through the uncomfortable coming out process to his new coworkers when he found their eyes lingering on the scars beneath his pecs a little too long to just be a passing glance. He has to come out on every first date, a little part of him terrified of the reactions to come. He's been subjected to too many ignorant, spiteful words - too many T slurs for it to get any easier. He has to disclose his identity to new doctors, hoping his extensive google research of trans friendly professionals proved to be right.

And every single time he goes through this he still experiences the heart dropping anxiety he did the first time he came out. 15 year old Diego stumbled through his words, his bangs shielding his glazed over eyes as he found solace in Klaus on his bedroom floor all those years ago.

The only sibling he hasn’t really come out to yet is the now littlest one of the bunch, Five. Diego came out two years after he disappeared. The two were never the closest as children, not like Five and Vanya or Klaus and Diego. Five was always too wrapped up in overcoming what Sir Reginald deemed plausible for him to notice much else. And Diego himself was too immersed in his own personal training and ranking to spend much energy on the boy three ranks below. The second Five disappeared however, Diego’s anger caught up to him. His brother’s disappearance then followed by his other brother’s death was the slap in the face he needed to truly realize the monster they grew up calling Dad.

But that was then and this is now. And now, they’ve avoided the end of the world. Now, they’re all living under the same roof again, relearning what it means to be a family. Because their sense of brother and sisterhood is certainly warped due to their upbringing. It meant relearning everything they thought they knew about themselves and one another.

And every sibling had their own adjusting period with his identity. Klaus of course was the most receptive, taking little to no time to gender him correctly. The first week though, there were a few slip ups. Allison took a few months, Ben around the same. Vanya avoided using gendered language for him for quite a while, just saying ‘Diego’ or ‘Number Two’ instead of pronouns. And Luther, well, the guy tried his best. He saw how his face fell every time he messed up, how quick he was to correct himself. And that’s all Diego could ask for really.

But Diego can’t exactly imagine that being something on Five’s priority list during his time in the apocalypse.

“Oh yeah, I’m 13 years old and I’m stuck in the goddamn end of the world right now! But let me focus on my dead sibling and uhhh not misgendering or deadnaming them. Also, how am I going to survive winter?” doesn’t quite seem all that plausible.

So Diego’s just going to ask him. Well, he’s been trying to that is. He’s been standing in front of Five’s door venturing on ten minutes now, working up the courage to just knock. They have all been trying to do that lately - communicating. They actually talk through their thoughts and problems. And so far it’s proven to be beneficial. Who knew that efficient, healthy communication actually worked?

Five swinging the door open, properly knocking the man square in the head, snaps him out of it though. He stumbles back a few steps, hand jumping straight to his forehead.

“Jesus fuck, Five!” He hisses, rubbing at his throbbing temple.

Five rolls his eyes, taking a step back in his doorway and shoving a hand in his pocket.

“Maybe you shouldn’t just stand in front of doors, Diego. I heard that’s a good method in avoiding getting hit by one.”

“I was gonna knock, dude. Maybe cool it with the violent opening?” He scowls, dropping his hand.

“I’m assuming you actually want to talk about something instead of just throwing insults? Because you and I both know we could do this all day.”

“No I,” He clears his throat, “I wanted to talk, yeah.”

Five nods and steps aside, motioning Diego to come in. He’s pleased to find his walls are no longer covered in chalk equations. They haven’t been since they found Five passed out in his room, every single wall littered with equations. He worked himself out so thin that he didn’t wake up for another three days. He’s been getting better at taking care of himself, his family always reminding him to take breaks and whatever else he needs throughout the day.

“So,” Five takes a seat at his desk chair and Diego on the mattress, “What’s on your mind?”

Diego stares at his interlocked hands in his lap, his thumb twisting at the ring on his index finger.

“I just, I never really-” He stops himself, trying to picture what he wants to say in his mind. Not purely because he’s afraid of stuttering, no. But because he’s not even quite sure how to word what he wants to say.

“Is this about you being trans?” Five finally asks after a few beats of silence, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.

Diego looks up at the question, meeting Five’s eyes.

“Yeah, it is.”

“I just wanted to ask why, or like, how you adjusted so well I guess? It must’ve been a lot seeing me...I mean I know seeing us like that couldn’t of been easy, of course.” Diego prefaces, placing both hands out in front of him and waving them slightly,

“But I probably looked like a-a completely different person to what you knew.” His voice is noticably smaller by the end of his rambling than when he started.

Five listened patiently as Diego spoke. He sucked on his cheek in his mouth, his brows furrowed ever so slightly. “Well, I was able to figure out it was you by the tattoo. And you were always so angry when Grace made you wear bras. It was easy to put two and two together.” He explained, waving a hand in the air and the other one still tucked.

“And as to how I adjusted? I read Vanya’s book of course. And I had to relearn the way I addressed you in my head. I worked on it for ages, adamant on gendering you correctly. Number Two, Diego Hargreeves. Brother. He/him.” Five went on, putting up a finger with each word.

“There were times I messed up of course. And I definitely was not happy with myself when I did.”

“But-”

“No Diego, I already know what you’re going to say.” Five interjects, leaning down to rest his elbows on his knees so he can stare at the man at eye-level,

“That wasn’t a hardship for me. It was important to me. Important I gender you correctly, to give you the respect you deserve to be seen as who you are. Yes, I had a lot hard shit to deal with. But coming to terms with you being my brother certainly wasn’t one of them.”

Diego swallows, processing the weight of Five’s words. The fact that he cared that much about him, that he loved Diego enough to do that for him, spoke volumes.

“Five, I-” He stops himself, standing up and closing the space between them. Five stands up, beating Diego and wrapping his arms around the taller man’s waist. Diego smiles softly, wrapping one arm around his shoulder and the other cradling his head. He leans down and places a kiss on top of his hair, “Thank you, Five. I love you.”

Five grins, scrunching his brother’s sweater in his hands and letting out a muffled,

“I love you too, Di.”

#trans diego is near and dear to my heart!!!!#always #whipped this out in 30 mins on the bus aaa #diego hargreeves #five hargreeves #the umbrella academy #tua #tua fanfic #the umbrella academy fic #trans!diego #transphobia //

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queering-the-binary · 3 years ago

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For all my friends who can’t read the images or have difficulty with it, the images on the original Twitter post have everything written down in alt text. (Clickable link below.) If I had the time and spoons I would transcribe it here, but I have neither, and there’s nothing in the notes. If someone reblog this with a transcription though, I’ll definitely reblog that!

If you can’t see the images, here’s a bit of the first part to hook you in:

It’s in a text message app, starting with a message from an unknown number (which I’ll label Unknown) to yourself (which I’ll label You):

Images one through six:

Unknown: Hello, I’m sorry, this is going to sound weird but please give me a chance. When you were eighteen, did you have a childhood friend named Carli that you lost contact with after you left to go to college?

You: Um, hi? Who the fuck is this? Carli?

You: This is an extremely creepy way to get back in touch if so.

Unknown: No, this isn’t Carli.

Unknown: One of the last times you two hung out, she told you that she missed when your parents let you sleepover. She was putting eyeliner on you because she had been talking about how all guys look good in eyeliner and you said you didn’t know how to do it.

You: Okay, yeah, I get it, you know a creepy amount about me. You’ve got me freaked out, congrats.

You: Now who are you and WHAT THE FUCK do you want

Unknown: I’m you

Unknown: Sort of

You: I am literally five seconds from blocking this number

Unknown: No, please, listen

Unknown: That night after you went home you didn’t wipe the eyeliner off and the next morning you looked in the mirror and it was all gross looking and you just cried and you didn’t know why

Unknown: You didn’t tell anybody about that, ever, right?

You: ..no, I definitely told some people about that.

Unknown: You did?!

You: I mean, yeah, at some point.

You: I didn’t give Carli’s name though.

You: But it was kind of the first crack in the dam for me so like yeah I brought it up sometimes when reviewing with therapists such

Unknown: First crack in the dam?

You: okay seriously though who the fuck is this

Unknown: My name is [blacked out]. I think yours was, once. Or is?

Unknown: Please don’t block me, if I’m right, you’re the first one I found that did it

You: The first one who did what?

You: I am so fucking over this

You: You show up from a masked number dropping stalker knowledge from my life and claim to be, what, my deadname self

You: This is a lot of effort for a shitty prank

Unknown: No, please. I know this must be creepy

You: No shit

Unknown: I’m you. I mean it

Unknown: I’m 46. We love the color blue

Here’s a clickable link to the Twitter page with the whole story if you want to keep reading or support the writer!

https://mobile.twitter.com/Azure_Husky/status/1420177932518137862?t=l6nQ5U7x2q4M-dzm_6HEVA&s=19

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felicityb-reviews · 7 years ago

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Seventeen “Director’s Cut” Special Album Review

So like...

Who else saw it coming?!?!?

Hello loves!! My name is Jace (aka Felicity B), and welcome to my first album review!! And of fucking course, it's on Seventeen's repackage (sorry, Special Album™) - Director's Cut!! Anyone who knows me knows that I'm complete and total Svt trash (I might have cried watching Thank You for the first time), so I am *very* excited to be doing Seventeen for my first ever album review.

I might have had plans to do a Teen.Age review as my first post on Felicity B Reviews. No one can prove that, but it might have been a thing!!

1. Thinkin' About You

Thinkin' About You is Classic Svt™, kids.

You can expect three different types of tracks to be present on most (if not all) Seventeen albums

Gay up Straight up, balls to the wall Funk that has a ridiculous ass routine and looks amazing performed live (Boom Boom, Very Nice, Clap).

A soft Radio Ballad type song that would make the perfect intro track at a concert (Beautiful, Without You).

An acoustic(-sque) ballad that makes your heart go pitter patter (Smile Flower, Campfire).

I told y'all I was complete and total Svt Trash.

Thinkin' About You is a Funky Disco Pop number that combines the first and second Svt archetypes (tropes, if you will), and I fuckin' love it. In fact, I'm pretty sure there's no way I could ever *not* like this type song from any group, much less Seventeen. There's just something so Right™ about Seventeen doing high energy, pure pop numbers. Most boy bands outchea are trynna act like they're all badass and what not (not that Seventeen isn't), but Seventeen know what the fans want.

I know I said above that these type of songs would be perfect for opening a concert, but I actually think Thinkin' About You would be great to close out one?!?! Or for an ~encore~ stage. It's interesting that they chose Thinkin' About to open the repackage (*ahem* Special Album), because there's an element of finality to it. It does its job well enough, but it'd be interesting to hear how it'd sound if they had placed this at the end.

2. Thank You *title*

The ugly tears I bawled watching the video for the first time, y'all...

Firstly, whomstever leaked the original draft of my Teen.Age review??!? Yeah, ya mama's a heaux. I (very jokingly) complained about Clap not having enough Jisoo, and only did they come out with that ~remix~ of Clap that's literally WonSoo looking hot to a trap beat, but Thank You has an explosion of Jisoo.

It's too much.

Thank You is an EDM track that I'd usually expect from Performance Unit. And that's not shade, cause I fucking love Thank You. But sis, y'all could put ha next to Dance of the 13th Month and HIGHLIGHT, and it'd be a trilogy of slayery.

I don't actually recommend doing that unless your edge control is blessed by God, cause you will look a hot ass mess afterwards.

The best way to describe my thoughts on Thank You is "When will your faves?". All of my feelings on this song boil down to that question. Jisoo told us to be ready, but once the teasers hit, I had accepted my fate. My edges will never be the same, just like consequences. I will never stan another like I do Seventeen. How could I when they deliver such high quality, forward thinking songs that are still true to their brand of public friendly pop bops like Thank You??!?!?!

Dramatics aside, Thank You is just a really nice, really healing type of song. This song feels like renewed hope in a jar. Thank You doesn't make me feel like I can conquer the world, it makes me feel like I can live for another day. It makes me feel like I haven't struggled and fought in vain. And as someone who has had many a depressive episode that's left her feeling like complete and total trash, that feeling is not to underestimated.

3. Run To You

Sis, tell me how Seventeen delivered a J-Pop style track, while also making the song sound distinctly theirs?!?!?! I'm very sure if another group performed this, it'd still have that patented Svt feel to it.

Legends only.

Let's get the obvious out of the way - Run To You sounds like an anime theme song. A very nice anime theme song, but an anime theme song nonetheless. I'm a little confused as to why they'd include a song like this on a Korean album, because this style is very hit or miss when done in Korea. My thoughts on Run To You tie very heavily into how I feel about Director's Cut as a whole, but I'll get into those later.

Run To You has a grit to it's severely dulled by the mixing and mastering process, and it makes me wanna hear it live. This is exacerbated by the Svt's very clean, very pop style mixing, but to be fair, it is a complaint I've had about pretty much every Korean rock song with high production values.

I really would not mind if Seventeen ever decided to do a punk/pop sub-unit. Yes, I do realize Run To You isn't punk/pop, but that could easily be fixed. Seventeen gave us MCR inspired aesthetics with the Teen.Age teasers, and I was A Fan™. And several of the members play instruments (I'm having war flashbacks to their KBS Song Festival stage). It wouldn't be hard for them to pull off. It'd be a super cool foil to their power pop/Boys Just Wanna Have Fun™ group concept.

PLEDIS!! MAKE IT HAPPEN!!

4. Falling For U (Jeonghan and Jisoo)

In case anyone is interested, I prefer to use Jisoo's Korean name over his American one (even though he uses that as a stage name), because Joshua is my deadname. And it's really uncomfortable to call one of your biases a name that has the potential to make you extremely dysphoric.

Moving on.

Falling For U is Svt archetype number three. And even though I have love for every song on Director's Cut, Falling For U is my clear favorite. Outside of featuring 2/3 of my Svt biases (I am a gay trash can, leave me be), it's an Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempo.

And y'all know how much my gay ass loves those.

It's missing the RnB overtones you typically hear in this type of song, but it's still pretty rad.

Falling For U is another really nice, really healing song. She sounds like springtime dates with bae. Like you're in that Honeymoon phase and you just wanna be all gross and sappy all the time. Falling For U also gives me the feel of a couple that's been in love for a while now. Everything feels easy in that moment, because you're just so in love. It's a nice feeling.

I frequently talk about how K-Pop fans need to unplug every once in a while because they be sippin' the Kool Aid a lil bit too much, but sometimes, I just wanna listen to a cute love song by a cute boy (or cute boys #GayTrashCan).

And speaking of cute things by cute boys, HanSoo's cute rap during the bridge. Sis, my heart exploded with feels. Jisoo has such a nice lower range (you wouldn't know it by how high his vocal parts are, but he's got a lil oomph to his voice for a lyric tenor) and Jeonghan has rasp for D A Y S.

I wanted it to be longer, you guys.

Overall And Final Thoughts

Director's Cut does what a repackage/special album is supposed to do - extend the life of an previously released album cycle with a new look and some new music. I liked that three/four of the songs featured here are group tracks as opposed to unit ones; Teen.Age was a great showcase of Seventeen as individuals, but it felt more like a singles collection than an album because of it. The tracklisting was a hot mess that exacerbated the problem, but the root was how varied the sound of the album was. Adding in the group tracks definitely helps make the album feel more cohesive.

I mean, there's the task of actually integrating the tracks into the body of the album, but that's the beauty of the Digital Revolution.

At the same time, I almost wish they'd waited to release these songs?!!

I've heard that Seventeen are planning a Japanese debut soon, so why not save these songs for that album. Most groups release a remake of a Korean song as a debut single in Japan, but Seventeen could have released Run To You. If there's a few thing sI've learned about successful Japanese campaigns for K-Pop groups are, it's that groups a) need to be proficient (at the very least) in the language and b) you gotta tailor your sound to the market. And what do ya know, Run To You would have Perfect™.

Idk, I'm very happy with this comeback because it breathed new life into an already amazing album, but at the same time, I think Seventeen's first release in 2018 should not have been a repackage. Especially one with a tracklisting this poorly thought out. Seventeen's albums have always had iffy tracklistings, but Director's Cut takes the cake, sis.

It doesn't take away from the quality of the music, but it makes you wonder where their management's priorities lies.

#Seventeen #Director's Cut #Review #Album Review #Felicity B

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sleepysalamancer · 7 years ago

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Tagged by @meyonto! Rules: Answer all 30 questions and tag 20 people you want to get to know better Nickname(s): don't really have any that don't involve my deadname so? Skipping this i guess Gender: trans dude Sign: pisces Height: 5'8 Time: 2:00 Favorite Band(s): Nothing More, Fallout Boy, Panic! At the Disco, Twenty-One Pilots Fav Solo Artist(s): uhhhh NateWantsToBattle on youtube does a bunch of covers and some original work that I really enjoy Song Stuck In My Head: One More Light - Linkin Park Last Movie I Saw: X-Men 3 Last Show I Watched: Game of Thrones When Did I Create My Blog: Just a couple months ago, but I've been on a different blog since like mid 2014 What Do I Post: my art, cool art i find, fandom stuff, lgbt stuff Last Thing I Googled: affordable laptops (going to college soon and i need one but they're so expensive ;-;) Do I Get Asks: I've gotten like 2 on here? So not really Why Did I Choose My URL: well my old url sucked so I needed s better one. Wanted to follow the adjective-noun style and wanted the first letters to match. I'm exhausted 24/7 so sleepy. I thought maybe salamander would work but sleepysalamander was taken. And I'm also homestuck trash so I remembered bubbles von salamancer the salamander wizard, and boom, sleepysalamancer. A tired amphibian wizard. Followed By: 17. I'm a little baby blog just starting out Average Hours Of Sleep: 6-7 if that? I wake up a lot and have really bad insomnia so it's 7 hours minus how much sleep gets fucked up because of that Lucky Number: don't have one Instruments: viola, learning the ocarina, and hope to learn guitar and ukulele Dream Job: video game designer/concept artist (actually going to school for this) Dream Trip: Tokyo or New York Fav Food: there's so many. How can I choose 1??? I guess chocolate is up there but a million other things too Nationality: American Fav Song(s): a LOT but some of my favs right now: One More Light by Linkin Park, disenchanted by my chemical romance, after the storm by mumford and sons, fleeting light by amarante, friend, please by twenty-one pilots Last Book I Read: all books for school, reading Othello right now Top 3 Fictional Universes I Want To Live In: that's a tough one. Legend of zelda, xmen, final fantasy tactics advance maybe? I don't really know many people to tag but @his-imperial-compensation and anyone else who follows me can do this if you want I guess?

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yenneferw · 7 years ago

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@destaribka requested: “something where Peter is a questioning trans girl (Peter -> Pearl) and Tony or someone catches her trying on a dress or something looking in a mirror?”

Man this request just flew by and let me tell you having her sort of argue with the dress was one of the most fun things I’ve written in a while so I hope you enjoy!!

Pearl sat staring at the dress in her suitcase for a long time that night. She had taken it from May and stuffed it in there along with all the rest of the clothes that she was packing for the trip to the Avengers Headquarters. She didn’t know why she did it. Thinking back on it, it had been a stupid idea.

But it just felt less like anyone would burst in on her while she was at the Avengers Headquarters. It felt like the only time to do this in peace.

Tony had been a really good mentor to her since he found her to be Spider-Man. Somewhere along the way, she knew that she had started to see him as a father figure in her life, but she didn’t want to say that aloud. That was too embarrassing. But it was only reinforced when he asked her if she wanted to come to the Avengers Headquarters for the weekend—to check up on the suit and see how things were for the big dogs, he said. But she felt like it was also a way to get closer to her.

Happy had driven her upstate once she was all packed after school, and she wanted badly to be focused during the dinner she had with them and a couple of the others at the headquarters. How cool was it that she was having dinner with, like, half of the Avengers? How cool was it that Tony Stark was just sitting there, talking to her about the science of her superhero suit? Pretty fucking cool. But she was only half-there the whole time, the rest of her mind hidden with that dress.

Of course no one would peek in her suitcase. That would be completely invasive. But it worried her anyway.

She thought she would be relaxed when she was back in her room and alone with the suitcase, but she wasn’t. Every time she tried to do something, like get on her phone and text Ned or MJ, or text goodnight to Aunt May, she just saw the suitcase staring at her out of the corner of her eye.

So finally, she got up the courage to walk over and open the bag.

There it was, and there she was, staring at it. At one point, May texted her goodnight first, so she texted back, but the whole time she kept an eye on the dress like it was going to suddenly stand up and announce its presence to the whole Avengers Headquarters.

She had gone to her room earlier than she was sure Tony had planned for her, so it was only eight-thirty. She felt really bad about denying a movie night, especially because he didn’t seem to buy how tired she claimed she was.

She felt really bad about the whole thing. She shouldn’t have brought the dress.

Besides, why would she want to wear it? She wasn’t a girl. She knew that. She knew that she was a boy. She was Peter. She was Spider-Man.

Except the amount of times that she had sent the name “Pearl” to some of those name affirmation blogs said something else.

So she was maybe a girl.

Maybe it would be easier for her if everyone didn’t already know her as Spider-Man. Maybe it would be easier if her middle name wasn’t Benjamin, and she didn’t feel like she was leaving behind a final piece of him if she changed her name. Maybe, maybe, maybe, but no maybes were as good as a definitely.

She had thought that maybe the definitely could be found in trying on the dress, but she was so scared of what she would find in that mirror.

She let out a breath and summoned the courage it took to come over to the suitcase in the first place. She was Spider-Woman. She was Spider-Woman, and damn it, if she could kick the Vulture’s ass, she could sure as hell kick this dress’s ass too.

Or she could just put it on and enjoy it. She didn’t think the dress needed its ass kicked. It was a very nice dress, even though May never wore it—which was the whole reason she had brought it along.

She tried to think of nice things she did as Spider-Woman to compare with instead of kicking its ass. She could have a polite conversation about frozen custard with the dress while she waited for the police to come. She could give it directions while it wore old tennis shoes and a tourist-y t-shirt. She could certainly do a flip for it while it recorded her and put it on YouTube. Yes, that’s what she would do to the dress. Its ass could remain very much un-kicked.

So now she was definitely just procrastinating putting it on.

“Okay, dress, prepare to be politely chitchatted with,” she said to it, slipping off the t-shirt and shorts she had put on to sleep in. She took the dress out of the suitcase and stared at it for a long moment. And then she pulled it over her head and let it fall down over her.

For a moment she was frozen, and then she realized how much she liked how it felt to wear it. And because she had always wanted to, she swished around in the dress so the bottom flowed out.

“Cool,” she mumbled.

Time to look in the mirror. Maybe.

“Okay, okay, okay, Parker. You got this! You’re Spider-Woman! Politely chitchat the hell out of this mirror!” she whispered as she walked over to the mirror in the room Tony had given her to sleep in.

Wow. Okay. She really liked this dress.

She had started growing her hair out a little bit recently—not too long, but long enough. She positioned it how she wanted, not swept back like she usually kept it in front of everyone else. She liked that too.

“Ah, good. I hope both of you, dress and mirror, feel properly politely chitchatted with,” she said. She looked up into her own eyes for a moment. She felt good. For this sliver of a moment, she felt really good. “Hello, Spider-Woman. What a lovely dress. Where’d you get it? Oh, you stole it, you say. Well, that’s not very Spider-Woman…ly. Maybe, though, it’s Pearl…ly. There’s gotta be a better way to say that.”

It felt good to call herself Spider-Woman. It felt even better to call herself Pearl.

She heard footsteps outside the door and her eyes widened, but she was frozen to her spot. There were more rooms further down. Someone was just passing through the hallway.

Knock-knock.

Shit, shit, shit. She still didn’t know what to do.

The door opened.

She scrambled to move away from the mirror, but she didn’t know where to go, so she ended up just leaning against the wall next to the mirror, her best “casual” pose in place.

It would have been okay if it was someone like Vision, who would probably just be confused and decide it was weird human stuff he couldn’t understand. But no, it was Tony.

Of course it was Tony.

“Ah, hey, Tony, what are you, uh— what are you doing here?” she asked, scratching her head. She instinctively swept her hair back when she felt it out of place.

He looked more confused than Pearl had ever seen him before. And he seemed to get pretty baffled at some “teenager stuff.”

“Uh, hey… what are you doing?” he asked.

“Oh, me? I’m just leaning against this wall here.” She looked back at the wall and patted it. “Nice walls you have. Very… sturdy.”

“Right.” Tony frowned at her. “And the dress…?”

She had some sort of line forming in her head, some dismissive What, a guy can’t wear a dress around? but even thinking of it was upsetting. She didn’t want to say that.

“Oh, this? Well, you know. Uh.” She had no fucking clue what to say. She wanted to tell someone, the more that she thought about Spider-Woman and Pearl Parker and shes and hers when referring to herself, but she figured the first person she would tell would be May. And not in this circumstances. The pause was growing long. She blurted out the first words that came to her head. “Girl clothes.”

“Yep, that’s— you’re wearing a dress, so—” Tony was cutting himself off more times than the increasing number of heartbeats per minute Pearl’s heart was skyrocketing to. Her face was as red as the Spidey suit, and she didn’t even have to look back in the mirror to tell. “Sorry, I’m really confused. Am I missing something? You’re going to have to spell this out for me.”

“Sure, uh.” She was still floundering. “D-R-E—”

“Normally your smartass comments are, admittedly, a little endearing, but right now I feel like you’re just asking me to get out,” Tony said. “Which I can do, if you want.”

He seemed sincere, really. She did appreciate how much he respected her privacy. But right then, she really just wanted him to yank the truth out of her so she didn’t have to say it, but so that he would know.

“No, I just—” Why was it so hard to say? Well, she knew why, really, but she wished that it weren’t. “I was just— Okay, I took this dress from Aunt May, and I wanted to try it on here because I thought it was less likely that anyone burst in on me here than at home, because I’ve been thinking— well, I’ve been wondering— I’ve sort of been questioning… uh… everything?”

“Everything,” Tony repeated, nodding his head a little bit. “Do you want to elaborate?”

“Well, okay, you know how my name’s Peter? I mean, of course you know my name. It would be a little weird if you asked me to come over to your highly-protected headquarters for the weekend with all the rest of the superhero buddies that aren’t, like, war criminals if you didn’t know my name.”

She hadn’t meant to say any of that except the first bit, but all of that sort of got away from her.

“I think I might have a bit of an idea about your name being Peter,” Tony agreed, though he seemed very uncertain. Definitely not because of using her deadname, though, because he didn’t know it was her deadname yet, and anyway he was in this confusing situation with her, so she was sure that it was just because whatever Pearl was letting come out of her mouth was hardly any language yet invented, let alone what she was actually trying to articulate.

“Well, you wanna know something really interesting and totally unexpected?” she said.

“I think I might.”

“Okay, cool fact, then: I think my name’s actually Pearl and I’m a girl and also Spider-Woman so I tried on this dress and I totally politely chitchatted the fuck out of it and the mirror too—and I’m talking, like, if polite chitchatting were the mirror and the dress’s kryptonite, you can bet they’d both be dead by now. Well, metaphorically dead, because I didn’t mean to be violent, which was the whole reason I kicked absolutely nothing’s ass—”

“Slow down, slow down,” Tony said, shaking his head and holding his hand up to her. He shut the door behind him and took a step closer to Pearl. “Say that whole first sentence again.”

“I think it was one sentence.”

“Say the first part.”

“The part about me being a girl named Pearl a.k.a. Spider-Woman?”

“That’s the one.” Tony pointed to her as if he was pointing to that being the right first part. “Does, uh— Well, no, May wouldn’t know, you said you took the dress from her.”

“No one knows,” she said. She realized how hard her hands were shaking and suddenly it was a lot harder to think of anything remotely smartass to say. She was terrified.

“And you said you want to be called Pearl?” Tony asked hesitantly.

She nodded. Everything felt a little muted suddenly. She was so scared of Tony being against this.

“I can do that,” he said. He paused for a moment. “Hey, you look really pale, kiddo.”

She didn’t know when he face stopped being so hot, but now she felt how the blood had drained from her face and her hands had clasped to avoid shaking so hard.

“It’s okay.” Tony stepped forward again, still hesitantly, and when Pearl didn’t protest, he came and put a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, Pearl, this is nothing, okay?”

Hearing her name aloud from someone who wasn’t her felt really good. But she didn’t know what to say, so she just nodded.

“This doesn’t change how I see you. This won’t change how any of us see you.” He seemed unsure of his words, like he wanted badly to say what was right. It meant a lot to hear that. All of this… meant so much. She didn’t know how to put it into words, not even in her thoughts. “It’s not going to change how May sees you, either.”

“You really don’t care?” she asked.

Tony shook his head. “It doesn’t matter to me if you’re a girl or a boy or what. You’re a good kid. That’s what I think is pretty cool.”

She nodded a little bit.

“Do you want to tell everybody else?” he asked.

“In the morning,” she told him. She looked up at Tony. For as bad at dealing with teenagers as he acted like he was, when she needed to it, he always had an arm to put around her shoulders and the right words to say. Well, not always the right words, but always good words with the right intentions. “Thanks, Tony.”

“Hey, no problem.” He patted her back but seemed to waver for a second. Then he put his arm further around her to tug her into a hug. She hugged him back and smiled. Yeah, Tony was a really good dad. When they pulled away, he said, “Well, I just came in here to ask if you wanted some ice cream or something.”

She was glad that he didn’t push her to talk more. She didn’t know what she would say. But ice cream sounded great, so she nodded. “Yeah, I’ll be out there in a second.”

“I’ll have a bowl waiting, kiddo,” he said. He smiled back at her and left the room, shutting the door behind him.

She really wasn’t thinking when she didn’t lock the door before trying on the dress, but with how well that went—if one could call the beginning half well—she was kind of happy that she hadn’t.

But anyway. She had some ice cream to go give directions to, or maybe even do a flip for.

#trans girl peter parker #trans peter parker #tony stark #smhc #my writing #peter parker #sm:hc #sm:h #spider-man: homecoming #mine

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