#i was legit wheezing when i saw this gif

[angstylittleb1tch]

Ok but what if I identify as a walmart bag tho🤓

Jk................maybe.

Anyways, its been a long time tumblr. I come bearing news people.

I'm writing a genshin fanfic.

No I'm not high (not necessarily true), I'm genuinely giving this writing thing a try and am gonna try my level best to write a good fic that isn't downright yandere or just smut and nothing else.

I have finally grown people! I'm somewhat of a mature person now and do not laugh at people falling. Pure lies

Anyways, you should be expecting a genshit sagau fanfic from me (Aether x f!reader) soon and by soon i mean a couple business days.

Anywho i must take my leave now fellow tumblr people. Untill next time.

[base0h]

Hello,

Heard you’re looking for ideas so…

Here’s a crack one: The Straw hats working in a department store

Would they become employee of the month? Would they be fired immediately?

a/n - IM WHEEZING AT THIS— you are GENIUS bro holy crap 😭🫶 dude luffy would get fired so fast it’s insane— and imma just add everyone bc why not 😂

Warnings ⚠️ - MAJOR crack, multiple characters, I’m kinda dumb and might’ve forgotten people

they didn’t even make it past the interview 💀

.✩ kidd (tried killing the interviewer for asking him why he wanted to work there “I really am passionate about restocking— MF IM BROKE.”), buggy, bonney, paulie (did the same thing as kidd plus he parked in the manager’s parking spot)

literally within the first few seconds of the interview they’re hired | “My name is—“ “Can you start within the next few seconds?”

.✩ jimbei, koby, sabo, koala, izou, kaku, vivi

got fired the same day they started

.✩ luffy (ate the entire produce section and then asked the manager “is there more stuff in the back?”), corazon (he accidentally burnt the place down 😀), sanji (confessed his love and asked several female customers to marry him at his cash register), brook (asked for some poor random woman’s underwear 💀)

employee of the month every single month

.✩ jimbei, koby (old people always say how sweet he is to the manager bc he always helps them get the things they can’t reach 😭🫶), tashigi (kids hate her bc she catches them and scolds them if they take an extra candy/sticker from the cashier jar), vivi (accidentally gave herself this title when she’s the manager 💀)

the manager of the store

.✩ nami (steals money from the safe sometimes), aokiji (he literally never shows up to work on time and doesn’t give a shit what the employees do), akainu, fujitora, shanks (bro also does not care and comes to work hungover), dragon (has not shown up once since the interview), sengoku, garp, dadan, vivi, magellan

the sale sign flipper guy

.✩ zoro (if he manages to actually find his way to the store), bepo, ace, shachi, penguin, queen (you legit can’t miss him as you’re driving by 💀), yamato, oden, cat viper, bon clay, ivankov

they work solely in the back to avoid human interaction as much as possible

.✩ mihawk, law, smoker (he’s the guy that mans the big crane machine that moves huge boxes), hawkins, king, katakuri, smoker, lucci

they’re the CEOs of companies that are partners with the store and provide goods for the store to sell

.✩ crocodile (provides gut/immune supporting, healthy, all organic animal/pet food), doflamingo, kaido, big mom, whitebeard, moria (sells and produces copious amounts of Halloween costumes and other decorations)

actually decent employees

.✩ usopp, benn, x drake, robin, nojiko, baby 5, monet, vergo, franky, icebarg, bellamy (SHADOW FROM SK8 PLS TELL ME YALL SEE IT), hachi, killer

they start tweaking because they asked a customer how they were and they ignored them

.✩ shirahoshi (sobbing), bepo, sanji (asked a girl who had her headphones on), Uta (will get so pressed that they ignored her when in reality they just had headphones on)

they’re the reason why the store’s still in business | they’re basically the mascot

.✩ chopper, bepo, carrot, cat viper, dog storm

the dude everyone goes to for questions/help | “Idk go ask ___”

.✩ franky (has beef with cash register 4 bc it stops working for no reason only during his lunch break and never when he’s not doing anything), icebarg, kaku, usopp, lucci, jack, king, robin, jimbei

they’re the reason why no one likes to shop there | they have several weird allegations or felonies of some sort

.✩ trebol, caesar, diamante, dellinger, pica (he drives this mini car and always somehow fits inside it and takes up two spots in the parking lot), absalom, hogback (people have gone missing in the parking lot it’s scary), moria (would you wanna shop if you saw bro? Ik I wouldn’t 😭)

jobless for life ✌️

.✩ rayleigh (he slays idc), roger, yasopp

a/n - I think i forgot people but eh 💀 the one piece brainrot is so back 🙏

[musicaltheaternerd142]

Cartoon characters I enjoy

The type of cartoon characters I enjoy usually fit this checklist

•are male villains

•are from a cartoon

•are voiced by celebrities

•sing at least once

•not human

So here are some cartoon characters that I like, and at least fill some of the boxes.

1. Baron Draxum (voiced by John Cena in season 1, then by Roger Craig Smith in season 2)

Bro is my favorite character in the whole damn series! Don’t get me started on the face reveal and redemption arc in season 2. I legit died when I found out that he was voiced by John Cena. Bro had a killer musical number in season 1 ngl. I don’t ship him with Splinter btw, personally I see them more as like people who just tolerate each other since they raise the turtles together.

2. Joe (voiced by Alan Rickman)

I fucking LAUGHED at his death scene, man. He just drowned on-screen. That awkward silence during that scene got me wheezing, man! His musical number slaps, even though it gives off “knock-off be prepared” vibes. Him being voiced by Snape is just the cherry on top. Joe may be a villain, but he absolutely carried the movie, I don’t think I would’ve liked Help I’m a Fish if he wasn’t in the movie. Personally, I would’ve preferred a redemption arc instead of him dying at the end.

3. Fizzarolli and Asmodeus (voiced by Alex Brightman and James Monroe Iglehart)

(I couldnt find a gif with Asmodeus in it:/)

So, one thing to know about me is that I like musicals. Another thing is that I like cartoons. So of course I would like Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel. My pfp is currently Fizzarolli rn. Fizzaroli is legit voiced by the guy who was Beetlejuice in Beetlejuice the musical. And Asmodeus is voiced by the guy who was the genie in the Aladdin musical. The musical number they sang slapped! And I can’t wait for the next episode!

4. Striker (voiced by Norman Reedus in season 1, episode 5, then was voiced by Edward Bosco in season 2, episode 4)

He’s not my favorite character in the show, he’s alright imo. I never saw the walking dead, but Norman Reedus is cool. The song he sings in the episode is cool. After the most recent episode he was in (season 2, episode 4) I just think he’s ok.

5. Tamatoa (voiced by Jeanine Clement)

Bro, I legit had a crush on this guy when he first appeared on the screen when I watched it in theatres. Like, in my child mind, he was SO fine!😂 His musical number is hella catchy! Yes, I watch Schaffrillas productions on YouTube. I honestly don’t think they’ll add him in the live action remake.

6. Bowser (voiced by Jack Black)

GIVE THIS MAN AN EMMY!!! The song “Peaches” freakin’ slaps. It goes on the same level as “I’m just Ken” from the new Barbie movie. I saw the Mario movie with my family, and it was good. Jack Black was the best part of this movie ngl.

Honorable Mentions:

• Krad (voiced by Ed Asner)

• Strike (voiced by Micheal Dorn)

• Bill Cipher (voiced by Alex Hirsch)

• King Andrias (voiced by Keith David)

I could name more, but those were most of them off the top of my head.

[zepskies]

Yess so excited to read your thoughts on this one, lovely!! 💕

Starting off strong with Ben’s profanity, I see 💪

I saw no other way to go about this opening. 😂

Ben really does act his age, and it never fails to amuse me 😂

Girl SAME. 😂 He's an old ass man and he lives his truth.

I’m a little ashamed to admit that I would traditionally skip straight to pettiness at this point… Pookie is legit sooo much stronger then me if she’s only getting a smidge bit annoyed.

Lolll while I understand, I hope I would act more like the reader in these situations. Though she's basically a saint for how much she puts up with when it comes to Ben. She's far too used to his moods at this point and knows how to mentally and verbally tai chi his energy. 😂

Oh hell nah, Benny babe, I know you come from the generation of emotionally repressed assholes who speak in grunts, but traditionally people give actual REASONS for cancelled plans. But idk maybe that’s just me 🤷‍♀️

"Emotionally repressed asshole" is exactly it with him lmfao.

“Now, if he really wanted to impress you, he'd wash that damn dish.” — I suppose it really is just baby steps with this one 😂

It really is. 😂 Eventually he'll get to the level of growth in this SB imagine (AKA: Repaying Ben for a job well done), but again, baby steps.

AHAHAHAH YESSS!! She’s speaking my language of ✨spite✨

LOL I think it's understandable at this point with his behavior. 🤣

Did he… did he forget who exactly his girl is? Does he really think she’s just gonna roll over because he said so? BITCH PLEASE!

Oh he didn't forget. He's just letting his fears interrupt his character growth. 🙄 Don't worry, he's gonna learn. (Again.)

“Admitting to that was like admitting that his uniform was a lie; that he had no fear. That he was invulnerable. That he was a god in human form.” — I love the way you’ve phrased this. It’s so beautiful and poetic, and so very fitting for Ben as a character 🫶

Thank you, my love! That part in particular was special for me when I was writing. I feel like it distills all the "lies" surrounding Ben and his Soldier Boy persona -- the lies he bought into himself, and now has to confront again. She strips him of all those lies in BMD, just by loving him and challenging him to be better.

“But you had become the last human part of him. To lose that would be to lose everything again, worse than 1984.” — And this part too, it really does encapsulate how far he’s come since they first met and how deeply he’s come to rely on her. She’s his life and the person he wants a future with, so the steaks are higher than they ever were in 1984.

Thank you so much for picking up what I was putting down, essentially! That's precisely what I was getting at with that line.

““I thought you didn’t mind a few wrinkles,” you teased.” — THIS MADE ME WHEEZE OH MY GOODNESS I LOVE HER 🤣 that’s gotta be such a comforting aspect of Ben though, knowing that he won’t leave her for someone younger when she gets older.

Lmfao she will always take the opportunity to tease him for that. 🤣 But also because this is before the events of Strong as Blood (they don't yet know that she has her "supe STD" lmfao), you're so right in that this would actually be a kind of solace for her, no matter how unconventional lol.

““I like the idea of a private room,” you said.” — You naughty naughty… 😏

Listen, lmao. Who doesn't want a private room with that man? But also, she knows how to finesse her man, and this is one of the ways to his heart. 😂

This is a nice conclusion to the first part, I really love seeing the way that Ben coped with witnessing MC’s mortality (albeit it was a dream). And I love how one of his automatic remedies for the nightmare, other then trying to essentially ground her, was to turn back to the Compound V conversation. The nightmare really would’ve called to mind so many worries that he would’ve already had in the back of his head.

Thank you again!! 🥰🥰 I'm so glad you enjoyed this sequel to the first part. And you picked up on literally all the subtext I had in my head (and hoped others would notice) as I was writing this part.

My heart ached at the doubts that we’re going through his mind, but I always love it when you highlight the emotional stakes in their relationship.

As assholish as Ben is in this part, we all know it's coming from a place of fear and protectiveness, which makes him more sympathetic lol. It comes back to the challenges of a supe/non-supe relationship with one of the most infamous supes alive. 😅

As always, thank you so much for all your love and feedback on this pair of imagines!! They were really fun to write, even in the challenging nature of the prompts. And I think it shades in a little bit more of the BMD world and their relationship in a way I wasn't expecting to dive into. 💞💞

Talk to Me

Pairing: Soldier Boy x Reader

Summary: Ben had a vivid nightmare last night. You know how he is about his “man feelings.” But you try to get him to open up anyway, before you both lose your tempers.

AN: This was requested by my lovely friend @deans-spinster-witch. It's set in the Break Me Down-verse and is a sequel to the SB imagine below:

See this imagine for context: Ben loses you.

Word Count: 1,600 Tags/Warnings: Angst, hurt/comfort, fluff

Imagine: You confront Ben about his fears.

“What the fuck is wrong with this cocksucking coffee maker?” Ben snarked.

He bumped the top of it with his hand, so hard you thought he was going to break it.

Your brows furrowed as you shot him a look. It was too early for all that.

“Nothing?” you said. “Worked just fine for me.”

He sported an even grumpier face as the coffee finally poured into his mug.

Something’s wrong, you thought.

Ben was usually quiet in the morning. Relaxed and slow until he’d had his coffee and started his routine, with his newspaper at his favorite lounge chair, then breakfast in the kitchen with you.

You were making pancakes on a griddle, but you were also watching your boyfriend. He wasn’t just quiet. He was downright grouchy and taciturn.

What crawled up his ass? you thought. Though you had your suspicions...

“Breakfast is done,” you called to him.

He eventually joined you, sitting down at the breakfast bar. You served him a mildly enormous stack, and just two pancakes for yourself. In most respects, Ben was still a bottomless pit.

However, after eating the first couple of pancakes in silence, he pushed away from his plate and leaned back in his seat. You held your coffee mug between both hands and eyed him.

“You okay, baby?” you asked, repeating the very words you’d asked him last night.

He glanced at you through surly brows. “Yeah. You can stop asking me that.”

Right, you thought. He’d been twitching in his sleep, muttering, making sounds that had worried you enough to wake him with a gentle hand on his dewy arm. His response had worried you too—that haze of disoriented shock, followed by relief when he recognized your face.

You’d comforted him the best you could after his nightmare, but he hadn’t wanted to talk about it. You knew he wouldn’t now, either. That didn’t stop you from trying.

You set down your mug and soothed a hand up his arm, until your fingers disappeared under his shirt sleeve.

“What’s got you all sunshine and rainbows then, Mr. Grouch?” you lightly teased. “I even made you pancakes. Still waiting on my thank you.”

Ben didn’t want to answer, though he briefly glanced at you. He slurped at his coffee.

You sighed. A tick of annoyance at your brow.

“Okay," you said. "Well, since we had breakfast here, I figured we could go out for lunch later when we get to the city. There’s this amazing deli I could take you to—”

“We’re not going,” Ben said.

You blinked in surprise. Your hand fell away from his shoulder. “What?”

“I’ve got things to do,” he said. And without looking at you, he grabbed his half-full plate and got up to bring it over by the sink. He speared a few pancakes back onto the plate you’d served them up in before dumping his plate into the sink.

At least he was learning something about living with you. Now, if he really wanted to impress you, he'd wash that damn dish.

But for now, you wanted answers more than you wanted clean plates. You slowly got up out of your chair and went to him. You tried your best not to be accusatory when you asked your next questions.

“What do you mean? What do you have to do?”

He didn’t seem to want to answer you. Or maybe, he didn’t have a good answer, because he was fucking lying.

You laid a hand on his arm. “Ben. I need you to talk to me right now, because this is our first day off together in weeks. You know this was supposed to be our day. So you’d better have a damn good reason.”

He frowned angrily down at you. “We’re not going because I fucking said so. That’s all you need to know.”

You glared back at him, standing your ground.

You raised a brow. “That’s not good enough with me, and you know it. But if that’s how you’re going to be about it, I’ll call Annie and make it a girls’ day.”

You turned on your heel to walk away, but an iron hand grabbed your wrist. Holding back a wince, you frowned at Ben over your shoulder. His face was tight with irritation.

“You’re not going any-damn-where,” he snapped.

“You better let me go, right now,” your temper snapped right back.

This man was protective, but he had never been this bad. Not even after you got out of the hospital after Vought Tower collapsed. Granted, you’d been fully healed. He’d never outright tried to forbid you from leaving the house though.  

“What the hell is your problem?” you said.

He didn’t want to let you go, but after a beat, he released you. His frown deepened when you had to rub the ache out of your wrist.

He hadn’t meant to grip you that hard. Part of him relented…but then it firmed back up, when he remembered last night. The images were still filtering through his mind on a loop.

The alley, the blood slipping through his fingers, your pale, cold cheek, and lifeless eyes staring up at him.

“There’s something we need to discuss,” he said gruffly.

You tilted your head at him. Your face was tight and angry now, but you still followed him into the living room. You sat down together on the couch, and with crossed arms, you waited for him to speak.

His elbow rested on his knee while his hand swept over his mouth and beard. Then his gaze slid over to yours.

“You need to take Compound V,” he said.

To say that shocked you was an understatement. Your eyes widened, and your body went rigid.

“Excuse me?” you said lowly.

“There’s no way around it,” he said. Grit was laced in his voice, but you didn’t care.

“I’ve made myself very clear—”

“And you also said we’d revisit this little chat, so here we are,” Ben retorted. “You need to live in fucking reality. I can’t be with you 24/7. I don’t trust those CIA fucks to wipe their own ass, let alone keep an eye on you. Especially when I’m in the field.”

You just managed to lasso in your temper when you finally realized where this was coming from. You inhaled a couple of calming breaths. Your fingers tapped your knees. You sat up straighter before you turned to him more fully.

Your hand reached out to cover his on his thigh.

“Ben,” you started. Soft and even. “What did you dream last night?”

His face tightened further, his lips pressed into a line. It took him a moment, but eventually he answered.

“Nothing. Doesn’t fucking matter.”

“We both know that it does,” you chided.

When he just maintained his stoic façade, you slid closer to him on the couch. You curled a hand around his bicep and pressed a kiss to his shoulder.

You looked up at him.

He didn’t want to break.

You just waited until the green of his eyes met yours.

“Hey. It’s just me,” you said softly. “Talk to me.”

His brows knit together, slightly. His jaw clenched and twitched under his skin.

“I lost you,” he said.

Admitting to that was like admitting that his uniform was a lie; that he had no fear. That he was invulnerable. That he was a god in human form.

But you had become the last human part of him. To lose that would be to lose everything again, worse than 1984.

Somehow, you’d become his reason…for most things. He didn’t think you realized it, nor would he allow himself to tell you.

His eyes closed when you leaned up and pressed a kiss to his cheek. You let your fingers sift through his hair, brushing it back and away from his forehead.

“Do you know why I want to stay normal?” you asked. "Albeit fragile and breakable."

He didn’t answer, but his eyes silently asked for one.

“Because I want to stay myself,” you said. “Power corrupts, and there’s a big chance I wouldn’t be the woman you loved anymore if I injected that shit into my veins.”

Ben frowned. He hadn’t considered that…but he still felt it was a price worth paying.

You moved off the couch and into his lap. He welcomed you with an arm curling around your waist and another moving up your thigh.

Your arms twined around his neck, and you kissed him properly, nice and slow. He tasted like coffee and maple syrup. His hair was soft between your curling fingers.

You parted from him after a while, just to press another comforting kiss to his temple.

“I know what I’m asking of you, and I’m sorry,” you whispered against his skin. “But we’ll figure something else out.”

“How?” he scoffed, his brows furrowing again. “In a few decades—”

“I thought you didn’t mind a few wrinkles,” you teased.

A smirk flickered across his lips. “You know what the fuck I mean.”

“I know,” you nodded. “But we have time. I promise, we’ll figure this out.”

Ben didn’t totally believe you. There was going to come a time where you were going to have to make a choice: between him and your principles.

It wasn’t fair, but that was the reality. Life wasn’t fucking fair.

Until then, maybe he could make one concession.

“If you want…” he said. You leaned back enough to see his face.

He met your gaze. “We can go to dinner later. In the city.”

A slow smile spread across your face.

“But we’re getting a private room,” he warned, squeezing your hips. “And we’re driving there and back. That’s it.”

Your smile warmed further, and kissed the corner of his mouth. You were sure you could convince him to go a Broadway show afterwards, if you plied him in a few key ways...

“I like the idea of a private room,” you said.

His fingers crept up your pajama pants, drifting down between your thighs. His thumb started to stroke warmth through your panties. It had you smiling, sighing, subtly pressing into his hand.

His smirk deepened.

“You do, don’t you?” he said.

You let out a breathy laugh at the change in him. It didn’t take much to get him worked up. So you hugged him close and spoke into his ear all the things you had planned for him tonight.

Before, and after dinner.

AN: Lol I love writing this lovable asshole. 💚 Especially in the BMD-verse.

I have more Dean imagines coming soon! Including a requested sequel to "You are Dean's one exception," in which Sam "crosses the line"... 🫣

Soldier Boy Masterlist

Main Masterlist

BMD Tag List (Part 1):

@this-is-me19 @waynes-multiverse @mrsjenniferwinchester @samanddeaninatrenchcoat @spalady26 @spnwoman @syrma-sensei @wirdbeimaufhebengebunden @muhahaha303 @123passwort

@xoxovienna @katherineann814 @lollag0w0 @globetrotter28 @nancymcl @ashbatz @secretdreamlandmentality @kristophalis @wonderland2022 @emily-winchester @shelh93 @sl33pylilbunny @spoonmynoodle @chernayawidow

@buckybarnes-1917 @asgardprincess97 @sometimes-i-sing @itsyellow @karnellius @kimberleymjw @is-this-a-febreze-commercial @iamsapphine @sanscas @se-fucking-hun @lassie-bird @jessjad @yepimthatperson @fromcaintodean @stoneyggirl2

@spnfamily-j2 @im-a-slut-for-fluff @lacilou @venicesem @mimaria420 @vanillawhiskeyflavoredkisses @tearsfortheyouth @agalliasi @chriszgirl92 @kazsrm67