#i was just thinking about luffa actually

[duhragonball]

I COULDNT thiNK Of how to properly thank you for the birthday gift, like, genuinely speechless, SO here’s a LUFFA!!! thank you so so much again!!! AND KEEP ON BEING YOU 💕💕💕😭💕💕🗣️🔥🔥

AAAAAA THANK YOU COZY!

And happy birthday again (give or take a few days)! I hope you're doing well!

[dykedvonte]

write post about the tulpar crew working at like waffle house also you opinion on what brand of soap they use

Soap first:

Anya washes with dove bar soap first, cucumber cool moisture. Uses one of the Neutrogena liquid soaps like the brown rain bath. Unscented lotions or balms and a very light perfume, thinking something vanilla like or a shea butter. Over the counter cheap perfume that’s a bit to alcoholish but it suits her in a clinical way.

Curly is like high maintenance shower guy. Started because an ex put him onto it and now it's a routine. Special face soap and exfoliating hand brush, bodywash that is way too expensive but he feels dirty without it. Has like a lot of serums and a body oil lotion combo that he has that makes him smell really nice. All of it is uncommon and you need to go to a specific place to get them. Not excessive but he starts tweaking if he runs out of one mid routine.

Daisuke is just as bad as Curly. His bathroom looks like a bath and bodyworks display front. Has a bath bomb for the day, uses a like honey dew mask and soaks. Long as showers and has a teeth cleaning kit. He stare at 9 and isn’t done until 11. Cherry Blossom lotion you can smell him a miles away before you see his ass.

Jimmy uses either unscented dial or Irish springs. Maybe even like the aqua bars from dollar tree. No towel or luffa or anything just rubs his on his hands then washes with the lather. None descript deodorant, mixes with his smell in a weird way. Is the type to do it all at once in the shower, teeth, hair, nails. It’s like all jacked in a way. Shaves his razor blade rarely but thinks his shave is clean always.

Swansea uses like man scents. Sandalwood and driftwood soaps standard rag. Likes to stand in the water, cold shower guy surprisingly, his wife hates it, she never wants to shower with him. No cologne and uses like Old spice because it reminds him of his youth in a nostalgic way. Smells like old man naturally so he just smells like a freshly reupholstered chair and sweat.

Waffle House time:

Anya is the hostess super good at her job but has issues because the waiter is shit and the kitchen is run worse than dashcon. Has ignored a family to rearrange one stack of menues and trips on the grease stains a lot.

Daisuke is the waiter and bus boy and tends to talk and forget about his tables. Once sat and ate off a customers plate with them, whether they enjoyed the company or not doesn’t matter this is a Waffle House

Curly is the manager and is usually dealing with complaints and files in the office. Has had to facilitate more fights after Jimmy was hired but business has improved subsequently…

You’ll see him crying in a booth but he’s real good at acting normal for the customer. Sits with costumers to and it’s awkward cause he’s way too nice to be there.

Jimmy’s the supervisor and cook. He makes the shittiest food that only tastes good if ur coming in shitfaced at like 2 am. Hears a complaint and comes out grease pan in hand ready to “take criticism”

Swansea works there but what he does is between him and god. Sits in a booth playing solitaire and if you come and ask him for anything he mentions how I he did his time for this shift and he’s on an extended break. Treats the fights like a show and dinner.

They stay open even if they actually reach Waffle House’s huricxan threshold

If Curly or Swansea come in to break up a fight everyone scatters like rats

They all chain smoke and hide it from each other. Only Curly really cares because someone (Jimmy) is smoking in the kitchen. Yes he’s blowing it onto the food.

The crash was Jimmy putting ice in the air fryer and it did hurt Curly but like he’s regularly fine they just put him in the office cause there’s still the hurricane outside

I feel like they are in like West Virginia idk just seems isolated enough. I like the idea this could only happen if they are all southern

The restaurant is infested with many things but the health inspectors can’t rip the B rating off so they just say fuck it

Combined with the soap I think the safest thing to eat at the Waffle House is like ice from the bin but by the time it gets to ur table it likely has like mold spores on it.

[ryanscabinlife]

I can't believe it's been a month since I posted the May garden update. A lot of things has happened. Loads of wins and also plenty of failures. I guess I'll start with the progress of the ones I featured last month.

The hardneck garlic that overwintered are just about ready to be harvested. According to online sources, garlics can be harvested about a month after the scapes emerges. I was delighted to see the scapes as I was taking pics this morning. Can't wait to collect and make something out of them.

Oh tomatoes. I talked about how our weather has been awful many of times on this blog. After the dry May, they started showing some damaged on their leaves, and since they barely saw the sun this month, they did not grow very much. I panicked so I bought 30 more roma seedlings and 6 more cherry tomatoes. After a few days of sun, all of them are bouncing back to life and looking very healthy. Now I'm stuck with 60 romas and 12 cherries. Not the worst problem to have, really. All corners of the garden have tomatoes planted in them.

The beds where the trellis is sitting is now filled with plants. All of the beans and peas are looking great. The snow peas are about 4 ft tall and there's plenty of beans on the ground. The luffa that I was so excited about, none of them showed up. I bought a packet of 10 seeds for a whopping $4.99 and only 1 germinated. I'm currently babying it and waiting for the perfect time to transplant it. The cucumber is the other one I'm totally having hard time with. So far I've already used up the whole packet, and so far I have seen none. I planted the last 6 seeds yesterday but I'm not holding my breath. We have a neighbour (I'm using the word neighbour very loosely here, they're about 5km from us) who have a small road-side stand and in the summer they sell cucumbers. I think I'm just gonna have to rely on them for cucumbers.

The potatoes (all 30ft row) are doing extremely well. Some of them suffered from light frost and their early leaves died but they all bounced back. I think next year, I'll plant them even earlier.

It looks like the apple or crabapple (I still don't know) tree had a couple of successful pollinations. I think the reason for the lack of blooms is because the tree has been neglected and unkept for a long time. I've already been researching and watching a ton of videos on how to properly prune apple trees so I can prune it next spring in hopes that it will put out more blooms next year.

The border is looking a bit sad. Something to be expected on the first year due to the fact that most of the plants I have in it are perennials. I think they'll live though, I can only hope that they come out stronger next year. Looking closely, the wildflowers that I broadcasted are out. I see hundreds of them. I've added two smaller beds, I'm hoping to fill them up with the annual seedlings I'm currently growing. No progress at all on the potted garden in the background.

The brassicas are my favourites but also the main cause of my headaches. Thank god I have seeded a good amount of extras because these bitches have plethora of enemies! The first to attack was slugs. They destroyed a handful of seedlings (100% my fault coz I decided to plant them too young). I battled this with non-stop weeding and slug hunting. So far it's been working, I just go in early in the morning, remove all of the slugs and the weeds they hide into. Then the rabbits. I did not plan to build a fence this year but after the rabbit attack that ate almost half of the original plants, I decided to build a fence around the garden. Again, so far it's working. Then just when they start actually growing, the damn flea beetles happened. Yesterday, I ordered some food grade diatomaceous earth. I'm aware that it will kill all of the insects it will come across with whether they're good or bad but I guess I'll just have to be careful not to put it on any of the flowering crops so it doesn't kill the pollinators. Next year, to avoid using such measure, I plan to install netting on all of the leafy veggies. I don't wanna do that now because it will just trap in the ones I already have in.

Speaking of flea beetles and brassicas, these godforsaken creatures killed all of the arugulas and boy choy I planted at the end of April. I then replanted them a couple of weeks ago and lo and behold, all of them are damaged again. I'm leaving them on the bed for now to hopefully serve as food for the pests and in hopes that I'll be able to trap and kill them once the diatomaceous earth arrives. I'll try to grow them again in the fall when the temperature starts going down with netting. But for now, I planted some of my extra tomatoes to keep this spot occupied.

To my surprise, the asparagus are doing exceedingly well. Can't wait for 2025 when I can finally harvest some.

I have 3 tomatillos that survived and they're doing well. They're planted with the original cherry tomatoes and celery.

3 weeks ago, I though these celery plants were dead, but they managed to come back.

Peanut, another big failure. I planted a whole row of peanuts parallel to the row of potatoes. 30 ft of it and roughly 40 seeds, 3 germinated, 2 out of those 3 got devoured by slugs. So now I have ONE peanut plant. I scattered few sage and pepper seeds in the area as replacement. Let's see what happens.

After the small radish harvest yesterday, these is what's left. I'm gonna give them a week or so until I pull them all out. In preparation for their departure, I have okras and eggplants growing in between rows. I've already replanted the okra and eggplants a couple of times because slugs and birds keep on eating them. To avoid that, I just covered them with recycled plastic cups as protection for now.

On the same bed as the radish, okra, and eggplants are the softneck garlic. It's more or less an experiment. I was just curious if they actually produce garlic bulbs at the end of growing season. The garlic cloves I used are from Costco. They're not looking too bad.

Next bed over (where I have the failed arugula and bokchoy) are onions. I bought a pack of a hundred bulbs and shoved all of them in this bed. They just started emerging.

Next bed after that (my biggest one) are corn, zucchini, and butternut squash. The corns are doing alright. I dealt with poor germination with both of the squashes and when they show up, birds eats them. Nothing much I could do other than keep replanting seeds and protecting the seedlings with plastic cups. Looks like the ones I have at the moment are gonna make it.

Next bed after that are carrots. I planted these back in April, and this is what they look like now. They sure to take their sweet time to germinate.

25-Jun-2023

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

Why do you think Tomarry would work? I see a lot of people hating on it and the only response I ever see is that they come from similar backgrounds or people just like enemies to lovers. Also which horcrux do you think Harry would go best with (including Voldemort)

So, this is probably a more complicated question than you intended, but that’s because I live in bizarre head canon lands that few ever dare venture towards.

With that, let’s get started.

But What Do You Really Ship, Muffin?

First, it probably bears saying that I’m not really a Tomarry shipper. I know, I’ve written more than one Tomarry story, so if that’s not Tomarry what is? Well, remember that those Tomarry pairing tags are a filthy lie. October I committed the grievous sin of breaking up the Tomarry and throwing Tom at Harry’s mother. Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus is barely a Harry Potter fic in any capacity, and while the ship is the driving force of the fic, it’s also this nebulous, distant, thing that really shows up only in strange side stories where I try to make people laugh. When Harry Met Tom is probably the closest that I take seriously, but I also intentionally subvert all your typical Tomarry tropes for my own enjoyment. 

The only Tomarry story I’d say I’ve ever actually written is “The Burning Taste of Fire Whisky”. It’s a very popular story, sadly perhaps my most popular on Ao3, but I actually loathe it entirely. 

A lot of the time I feel like I just happen to have a Tomarry shirt on and then I suddenly became a subject matter expert. If you want the Tomarry opinions from real Tomarry people, I’m probably not the best person to ask. In fact, if you want really any standard answer about Harry Potter anything, I’m not the best person to ask.

Now, I’m not just saying this to be a hipster but to sort of give some background for why I’m going to give the answer I’m going to give and why it’s going to be 100% different from everyone else’s and yes, sometimes, I do think I came from Mars.

Will the Real Tomarry Please Stand Up?

So with that, the bottom line is: taking canon as JKR intended, completely at face value, Tomarry doesn’t work at all. This is because JKR fully intends a very flat, one-dimensional, and frankly quite boring Tom Riddle. Tom Riddle’s evil, Tom Riddle was born evil, Tom Riddle was evil in the womb because of rape. He is completely and utterly irredeemable and understands nothing of love.

Well, that sort of sinks the ship right out of the harbor, doesn’t it? A Tom Riddle incapable of love is one incapable of growth, especially in a romantic focused story. If you try to write it you just get weird sociopathic whump porn where Tom probably whips Harry in a closet somewhere.

Added onto this we get that, despite what she put down on paper, Harry is supposed to be a straight man. That aside, he’s also a righteous man whose understanding of things like love and friendship mean he’d never sully himself with gross Tom Riddle. Ew, what are you people thinking?

Well, what if we take canon just mostly as JKR intended? What if we just look at the characters the way she actually wrote them versus what she was trying to do? Still no dice.

Tom might now be capable of love, be a far more engaging character who can go somewhere, and be pulled out of a pit of rage and despair by someone but that someone ain’t Harry.

First, while I firmly believe Harry is gay (gay, not bisexual, compare his descriptions of Cho/Ginny to Tom Riddle/Sirius Balck/Cedric Diggory/Charlie Weasley, that boy pants after Tom Riddle and Cho’s kiss is “wet”) he’s also a much worse person and much dumber character than JKR intended. It’s really the first that damns the pairing.

I have a whole giant post on how Harry’s a little yikes but the long and short of it is that while Harry thinks he understands friendship and love he’s also someone who will cut out his friends at a moment’s notice if he feels remotely slighted, uses and sacrifices them for his own ends, gleefully uses unforgiveable curses when given the opportunity, and is the kind of guy who would cut someone up in the bathroom, leave them to bleed to death, and only really feel bad about it when it seems he might get in trouble for it.

This Harry ending up even with a Tom who could potentially be redeemed would more likely lead to, well, weird psychopathic whump porn where Harry tortures Tom in his basement to make him pay for all the horrible things he’s done while Harry claims he’s the most moral person ever because his mother loved him.

So, yeah, no Tomarry for you.

But Wait, Didn’t You Say You Believed in Tomarry?

What I believe in are archetypes.

Remove what Harry’s supposed to be, remove what I think he actually is (one maladjusted, violent, dude with a whole lot of anger issues), let’s make Harry what perhaps JKR didn’t even know she wanted: one of those rare fundamentally good heroes who warps an entire story with the strength of their inner nobility.

Harry Potter is meant to be a story about love and friendship. Now, it’s not actually, and we sort of end with Harry being Jesus and none of us are sure why. Except that he apparently forgives Dumbledore and Snape for brainwashing him to be a kamikaze agent. They’re the bravest men he knows. But let’s pretend it actually is a story about love and friendship.

To me, the strongest story of love we could possibly have had in this world is the redemption of Tom Riddle. Here is a man who was supposed to have been irredeemable since birth, he has done many horrific and unforgiveable things, grew up in extreme hardship in a society that spits on everything he ever was, and is mired in bitterness, despair, and rage. Beneath all that, Tom Riddle has given up hope in the world and is now content to burn it down himself.

Harry, through the nobility of his spirit and integrity of his character, somehow managing to redeem Tom Riddle is not only a fascinating story but a very good one at its core. The fact that they are tied together by destiny as well as tragedy, that Harry houses a shard of Tom’s soul (and I do so love horcruxes), only makes it more so.

This is the kind of story that carries epics, and that is why I gravitate towards it.

Now, do I change Harry up to do so? Good god, yes. I wouldn’t say any Harry Potter I have written is anything close to the Harry we know from canon. Some are closer than others, but they always in some way deviate. That said, from what I’ve seen almost nobody writes the actual Harry we remember from canon, so this is a very standard practice I can get away with, without too many people calling foul.

Ultimately ending in tragedy or in the full redemption of Tom: either works with these base characterizations and the world is your oyster.

What About All Those Other Arguments?

I’m not going to get into this too much except that I wouldn’t argue Tomarry works for the reasons you list. At all.

On the similar backgrounds, the fact is Harry and Tom don’t have similar backgrounds, JKR just says they do because she likes that trope (and so do many of the readers).

Harry and Tom have dark hair, they both came from abusive homes, but that’s where the similarities start and end. Upon entering the wizarding world Harry is treated very very very differently from Tom Riddle.

Harry, grows up in this weird sort of pseudo poverty where he dresses in rags because the Dursley’s hate him but he never actually has to worry about money. When he gets to the wizarding world he can afford everything he wants. He can buy a new wand, he can buy new supplies, he can buy all the candy off the trolly cart. Money’s not an object to Harry, is barely even a concept.

Tom Riddle is presumably on scholarship and money is everything to him. He buys a new wand but likely all his clothes and books are second hand. He can’t buy whatever candy he wants, probably can’t afford gifts for his peers, Tom is very aware of the haves and have nots.

Harry similarly never has to worry about a career. He never gets that far, fearing for his life so much, but the fact is that Harry has enough money that he doesn’t actually need to work. More, who would turn down the great Harry Potter? He wants to be an auror, is afraid he might not qualify, but it’s not really desperate.

Tom Riddle is to the world an impoverished muggle born. He tries for the Defense position and is turned down mostly because Dumbledore threw shade. Dumbledore tries to make it seem like Tom desperately wanted to work in this weird shop in London’s magical back alley, but probably that was the only position Tom could get (everything Dumbledore ever says, especially in those pensieve lessons, must be taken with a large grain of salt). Everything else goes to friends, family, and purebloods.

Adding to this, Harry has this glowing reputation. Now, Harry might not like it, he might want to be just Harry but the fact is that everyone has heard of him and most people worship the ground he walks on. Doors are open to him everywhere. His first introduction to the wizarding world is from a man who loves him and gushes about Harry as a baby.

Tom Riddle is someone with a muggle last name, who comes from a muggle orphanage, in other words he is nobody from nowhere. (For reasons I won’t get into here I find it very doubtful Tom ever revealed he was the heir of Slytherin until he became Voldemort and let Tom Riddle fade into obscurity). His first introduction to the wizarding world is some asshole lighting all his stuff on fire because the matron talked shit about him.

Harry wants to stay at Hogwarts because the Dursleys are abusive. Yes, this is terrible, but Tom wants to stay because Nazis are bombing London and Dippet says, “So sorry, Tom, no exceptions. Enjoy those luffas!” Harry’s concerns are never treated with the same disdain.

To make a long story short, they do not have similar backgrounds, at all. To say they do is utterly laughable and not much better than saying “they both have dark hair, they have so much in common!”

They both came from abusive homes, yes, but even the nature of those homes were very different and when they went to Hogwarts they were worlds apart.

... So much for not getting into it, eh?

As for Enemies to Lovers, well, it’s a trope and people enjoy it but it’s not my jam. I could go into why, but I think I’ve said enough.

Which Horcrux Do You Think Harry Would Go Best With?

We see so little of the individual horcruxes I’m not sure I can really take a stab at this. I sort of just make up their personalities as it suits me every time I write them.

With that I suppose I’m partial to the one in Harry’s head? Given that he has a front row seat to Harry, has seen Voldemort’s tragic demise, I think he’s in the best position to end up with Harry in a meaningful manner.

Especially as, if you think about it, he could represent the very last of Tom Riddle’s humanity. The single shard of humanity that remained in him until the bitter end.

[heresathreebee]

Waters Brackish and Briny (four)

[Ralph Lamont X Female Reader]

Summary: the first of many strange and unusual occurrences to come in your new home. Previous Masterlist Next

Tags: 15+ | 2k words | hauntings, an argument, physical intimidation 😬, secrets, crying

AN: hey remember there were ghosts in Things Seen and Heard? Personally I hate angst so sorry y'all 😔 I will NOT leave it here for long

SECOND WEEK

Ralph went back to work and the house became empty once more. Empty except for yourself and the house. And possibly a rat or two. You set up traps and finished moving the furniture in the downstairs rooms into place. The previous owners left a decently conditioned upright piano behind when they moved. A few scuffs on the legs and a toy soldier in the strings, but perfectly playable and barely out of tune. Nothing a little warm up couldn't change.

You ate lunch on the piano bench, glaring at the unfinished archway leading to the solar room. Should you sweep first or measure the windows to be fitted for panes? Do you want regular clear glass or some stained glass? Get crazy with it? 

You waste a couple hours playing basic melodies and manage to squeeze in time to do all the measurements for the windows before 3 pm. You take down the paper on the floor most window holes and sweep the dust and leaves and branches outside. You mop till the hardwood floor shines but you hate the white beech wood and add varnish to the To Do list. 

You ring up the Vayle boys you met the day you unloaded your furniture. "Hey Eddie! I was planning on making something for you and Cole as a thank you but I need some supplies first." 

It rained in the afternoon and Ralph came home with mud on his pants. "Baby what happened? Did you fall?" 

Ralph looked supremely annoyed. "One of the kids took a tumble and grabbed me for support. We both went down." 

You know he's in a sour mood but you can't stifle your laughter. You coo at him, looking over the damage to his suit. He's got mud caked on the seat of his pants and flecks of it as high as the back of his neck. You help him strip as much as appropriate with guests in the house. 

Your husband sniffs the vanilla scent from the air and looks at you incredulously. "Did you make cookies?" 

"Yeah," you said, "for Eddie and Cole." 

The boys waved at your husband from the kitchen counter. He gives a lustless wave back and trudges upstairs in his under things. You tip the boys with the rest of the cookies in an old dish and send them on their way home. 

You open your bedroom door to find Ralph butt ass naked and on his knees looking for something. 

"We should do this more often," you tease. 

Ralph looks up and raises an eyebrow at you then notices the position he's put himself in. "Now's not the time for jokes: do you know where the luffa is?" 

You cross your arms. "Well it's not under the bed…" 

"Helpful." Ralph climbs to his feet and his nose bumps yours. "Where. Is. The luffa." 

"Behind the bathroom door on a hook." 

"Why?" Ralph takes three steps towards the bathroom, then quickly retraces them and this time his forehead collides with you none too gently. "And not saving me a cookie? Uncool." 

"Open your mouth." His eyes go dark for a second and you roll yours. "Do it." 

You plant the last cookie in his mouth and flop onto the bedspread. "Go. Shower. I'll clean up the kitchen." 

The house creaks at night. Sometimes the sounds make the hair on your neck stand on end, but you simply squeeze Ralph and drift back to sleep. In the haze of a dream you think you hear something small and glass break a few rooms over but you can't hold onto your memories for long like this. 

Except tonight there is more than sounds. Beneath the smell of your body wash on Ralph's skin, something tickles the back of your throat. It's acrid and raw pulling you from the fringes of sleep into reality fast. You sniff the air and the scent seems to grow ten times stronger. It's like… it's like… 

You shake Ralph by the shoulder. He doesn't stir an inch. The smell is so strong you're choking on it. You grab Ralph and shake him like a doll until he bursts into wakefulness. 

"What? What?!" 

"Do you smell that?" 

"What?" His eyes are completely unfocused, face pinched in annoyance. 

"It smells like…" you turn on the bedside lamp much to his dismay. "It's like gasoline or something." 

Ralph growls and rubs at his eyes. "Exhaust fumes maybe. Ralph! We have to get up– we have to get out!" 

Somehow you manage to drag him out of bed and down the stairs. The smell gets weaker but it's still there burning in your nostrils like actual fire. Your eyes search frantically for that yellow orange flicker in every room to no avail. It doesn't ease your fear. 

"Come on." You push Ralph outside and the man almost falls off the wrap-around porch. His eyes are glued shut, legs shaking as he stands, and trapped in that sleep state. 

You rack your brain for ideas. Is the car on fire? Should you check the garage? Do you have a working fire extinguisher? There's one in the garage by the door but you doubt it's up to date. 

"Ralph baby please wake up, I need you…" 

You cling to his arm and he manages to crack one eye open. "The fuck is going on?" 

"Something's wrong," you stutter, "I think he's here."

Ralph opened his other eye and looked at you. His head swiveled to and fro over his shoulders, trying to peer out into the dark cover of night to find anyone lurking in the dark. His grip on your arm is tight, almost hurts. He looks back at you, puzzled. 

"Where?" 

You didn't know where, in fact you don't know why you said that. He had no idea where the two of you were. For all you know he might not even be a he at all. You've never met them but you're haunted by them. 

You shake your head and focus on the danger of now. "Fumes. I woke up and it smelled like exhaust fumes in our room." 

"I didn't smell anything," Ralph says. 

You growl. "I did. We need to call someone, we can't go back in the house. What if it's filled with gas and there is an open flame somewhere?" 

Ralph looks around then tries to walk past you towards the door. You catch him with a look of disbelief. 

"Did you not just hear a single word I said?!" 

Ralph sweeps your bruising grip from his arm. He keeps walking but he never breaks eye contact with you. He's definitely awake now. 

"If there's fumes, it's coming from the garage. Lord knows you're not going to let me look knowing that," he says stepping past the threshold into the mud closet next to the kitchen, "so we need to call someone." 

He picks up the phone from its cradle and dials 9-1-1. "Unless you have some secret satelite phone hidden in the barn, I'm all ears on how we call someone…" 

He's right. He's being an asshole about it but he's right. You can smell the fumes as you step in, desperate not to be far from him no matter what happens. Ralph plucks the housecoat from the hook by the door and fits it around your shoulders. You didn't realize you were shivering. 

The sheriff comes out tonight and it's half past 2 am. You and Ralph are waiting outside, a reasonable distance from the house in case an explosion was imminent but it never came. Sheriff Laughton brought a fire team and they searched the house. 

Travis–  as he asked them to call him– asked a few meandering questions. Ralph held your hand and answered as many as he dared, looking to you for the questions you could answer better. They both noticed your thousand yard stare but said nothing. 

Travis came back with the fire team and a long, befuddled face. "They checked over every inch of that house and didn't find anything except a broken lightbulb in the laundry closet." 

Ralphie did not return your gaze, instead he asked. "Nothing at all?" 

Travis scratched his head. "If there was something, it's gone now. I might have your cars looked at just in case, there's a mechanic about 10 miles yonder I can give you directions to." 

Ralph's hand smoothed over your shoulder to try warming you up. "No, no that's OK, I have a mechanic right here." 

You slap his chest for teasing you but your weak smile falls not a moment later. How can that be? They found nothing? Had you imagined the whole thing? But it had felt so real… 

By the time you brought your mind back to the present, you found Ralph had moved you to the kitchen and offered Travis a cup of coffee for his troubles. The fire team was packed up and driving off the property, leaving only the sheriff's cruiser out in that empty night. 

"Ralph," you whispered over the sink. "I think we should call Reagan…" 

"No." 

You blinked. He hadn't even taken a second to consider it, just… dismissed you out of hand like you were an annoyance. You crossed your arms over your chest and glared. 

"If you won't, I will." 

Ralph beat you to the phone and blocked your path, you glimpsed Travis standing awkwardly in the door but paid him no more than a passing thought. 

This was about to get ugly. 

"I. Am not crazy." You keep your voice low but the quiver of anger still seeps through. "I know what I smelled. It was real. If you're not going to ask for help, then fine, but do not stand in my way because of your pride." 

Ralph had that look in his eyes– the dangerous look. "Oh, honey, no… I told you– we are not calling Reagan." 

He kept shaking his head minutely, like it was the only thing keeping him from screaming. "That's final. I mean it, baby. I will lock you in that fucking basement if you touch that phone. I will burn this fucking house down before I let you even look at that dial." 

Your jaw hit the floor but before you could protest, Ralph had your arm in a death grip as he began to drag you out into the hallway. He was probably trying to push you to the bedroom but his out of character threat had rocked you. 

"Let me go," you growled, "Ralph! Stop it!" 

Travis called out to you two and you tried to wipe that innate look of fear from your face. Ralph seemed to snap out of it a bit when he realized you weren't alone and he finally released your arm. It didn't stop him from bending over you until his nose brushed yours and in a growl commanded you to go upstairs. 

Now is not the time to cry. Crying right now feels like weakness. You're not sad– you're fucking furious with him right now. But you're not about to make a bigger scene in front of this cop, so you push past him and head for the stairs. 

The blood racing in your veins is making your face hot and head pound. You can hear Ralph follow you up shortly, likely to continue the argument further but you are beyond listening at this point. You turn just in time to see him look at you funny– why are you mad?-- before slamming the door so hard you hear the wood around the lock almost splinter. 

He doesn't try the door. The light of the hallway goes out and you listen to him sigh as he heads for the couch to sleep on. You throw yourself onto your bed alone and cry into your pillow until exhaustion takes you to a dreamless black sleep.

Tag list: @werwulfy @fundamentally-lazy @escape-your-grape @go-commander-kim @mimiscappinisideblog

[just-the-mage]

A Return From Dark Waters, Part II

Continued from Part I, found here!

(Written by myself & @iris-ymir​)

Iris listened to Evangeline’s story. On some level, she felt the woman’s pain, when the other was talking about her nightmares. Iris had her own. Always the same... being strapped onto a hospital bed, while slowly losing herself. But she was not dead after all? This simple sentence gave her hope she did not know she had. She would still have time to fix a couple of things. The greatest mistake she ever made... but one could not start with such a leap. Every journey started with a small step. And for Iris? That small step would be Evangeline. What the two had in the past was gone with the wind... but it was never meant to be, anyways. With Eva’s arms wrapped tightly around her body.. a little bit too tight, Iris wanted to back away. Yet she did not. She swallowed hard, trying to keep the urge to leap away on tight reins. Breaking the embrace now would shatter Evangeline like a crystal vase, dropped off the table and onto the hard, cold marble flooring. So Iris endured the tight embrace, even though it took all of her self control, her body tense against Eva’s form. “So... Irene, huh?” Irene... Another self? Like the shrimp? If this was not a bad enough joke on its own.. now possibly having two of these leeches in her head... but this one actually using the name of her lousy mother? That...that was a joke so bad it kind of ended up being good in a twisted sort of way. Iris broke the embrace carefully, without making any overt movements. She moved like Evangeline was a startled kitten she was trying to calm down.

The pale viera pushed the plug into the hole in the bottom of the pool, and walked up to the shower stand, turning it on. As the warm, clean water started to fill the pool slowly, Iris made her way back to the miserable kitten that was Evangeline, and took a seat next to her, leaning back against the railing with a sigh. 

“Irene was mi mom. A heckin’ terrible mother at dat...she died in Limsa Lominsa a good fifteen summers back. Found ‘er from da sea... raped and murdered.. Fockin’ unsuspectin’ fool... Burned ‘er corpse miself. Tha wind from da sea scattered 'er damn ashes by tha mornin’ light...” Without looking at Evangeline, Iris reached her arm over the railing, picking up a bath bomb, and flipping it into a slowly filling pool. The scent of hibiscus and steam soon filled the air. 

“Ya dun sound too damn okai wid ‘er bein’ gone though. I would fockin’ lie, if I said dis wont disturb tha livin’ shite outta mi... This whole frickin’ scene.“

Evangeline could tell Iris didn’t want this. That she was uncomfortable with this. And yet...she stayed. She didn’t jump away, break the embrace...she didn’t run. Eva felt the thinner woman’s muscles tense against her, entirely unable to relax. Evangeline was about to let her go when Iris slowly and carefully extricated herself from Eva’s muscular arms. She turned on the shower again, plugging the bath, and began to fill it back up with warm water.

She’s trying. She’s really trying.

Eva thought, surprise tickling at the hollow feeling in her chest. Iris...this was unlike her. The voice was the same, though. Her eyes...undoubtedly...were the same. This was Iris...or at least, the Iris that Evangeline had known. Perhaps Silke had gotten through to her after all. Eva tried to harden her heart to the fact that Silke and Iris...that the two of them would inevitably end up together. If Iris could change...be more kind...like she was doing here...Silke would be with her. Evangeline’s breaths deepened as she tried to calm herself. Feeling the warm water tickle at her toes helped. Something to focus on other than her feelings.

“I’m sorry to hear about your mother...regardless of her quality it’s not something you should’ve had to experience. The more I hear about gods-damned Limsa Lominsa the more I want to march on it with a battalion of soldiers and wipe the blasted place off the map.” She intoned, probably sounding a bit harsher than she had meant.

”Ya dun sound too damn okai wid ‘er bein’ gone though.” 

Iris was right...it wasn’t hard to read Eva given her tear-streaked face. She was trying to suppress the sobs, but couldn’t seem to find a way to. 

“Y-you’re right...it’s...it’s a-awfully disturbing...and I’m s-sorry...but I do m-miss her...I don’t k-know if she was your mo-mother...though. I….I….I know...it’s not f-fair to you...to want her b-back...but she was m-my friend…” Evangeline heard a sharp intake of breath, seemingly from far off in the distance, and realized that she had done it. Probably preparing herself to burst into tears again. Because that’s what today needed. More tears. She didn’t know why she was telling Iris all of this...might be that she had been trying to help...as much as she could. But Eva had held this all inside of her for too long to contain it anymore.

“Sh-she was my...f-friend...and I d-don’t have any other f-friends...a-and I don’t know how...b-but she took the nightmares away...I di-didn’t dream them...for three wonderful nights...and I’m scared...to sleep again...b-because I know they’ll be b-back…” She covered her face with her hands, feeling the water rise around her feet. She closed her eyes and tried to contain herself, but it was the scent of hibiscus that cut the last string on that violin. She curled into herself further, tighter, her arms wrapped around her knees, and she buried her face in her thighs. She shuddered, wracked with sobs. She figured Iris would probably leave soon. Most everyone usually did. Evangeline was too broken...too hurt. Too much of a mess. Too much of a burden. Now that Iris was back...she probably had things she wanted to do. A life she wanted to live.

And now that the deal was most definitely off...Iris had nothing left to gain from Evangeline’s presence. Eva waited for the sound of retreating footsteps. Expectantly. And as she did, she felt herself whisper something. Under her breath...more to herself than anything else. She hoped Iris would hear it. And she didn’t want Iris to hear it.

“I d-don’t...want t-to be...alone…again..”

As Evangeline broke into tears again, Iris stood up, taking an empty bucket and a luffa that were resting on the edge of the pool, and walked to the shower stand, filling the bucket up. In a way, Iris saw herself in the crying woman... She had felt the same after she got left alone in Limsa Lominsa. She despised her mother, but still, the lonely, sleepless nights on the streets had been horrifying. Iris had not cried a single tear for her mother back then, but she had cried for the feeling of loneliness. Just as Evangeline did now. And the root of the sorrow? Irene. Iris’ mother... Evangeline’s.. friend? The thought was disturbing, and Iris did not want to think about it. It couldn’t be.  Irene Ymir was long gone. This... this had to be someone wearing the mask. An echo of a person once lived. Deep down, Iris wished the name was just a coincidence. A simple name her subconscious had picked up from somewhere. Yes. That had to be the case. Irene was dead. As the pool filled up, Iris closed the shower, picked up the bucket and made her way into the spot next to Evangeline. She reached out for a beautiful, purple bottle of soap, and poured some of it into the bucket, stirring it with the luffa. “...Fockin’ ‘ell, Evangelin’...”, she sighed out the words, while dipping the luffa onto the bucket, and proceed to wash Eva’s back and shoulders, now that the woman was curled up into herself. “...Stop yer heckin’ bawling, okai? Who tha devil said yer alone? Im ‘ere... Ya like it or not. And for yer... Irene? If whut yer sayin’ is true... If she truly is like tha shrimp, she’ll heckin pop out sooner or later. But until dat ‘appens, yer stuck wid mi!”, suddenly Iris bursted into an almost inaudible giggle.

“Shiteberries, Im heckin’ back Ya’ll!! Dey could not keep mi! No... Dey could not keep Iris... Ya ‘ear ye motherfockers?! Tha cat’s on da table, and dere’s nothin’ ya can do about it!”, she looked up to the corner of a ceiling, with a wide grin on her messy, black lips. With her bad teeth, the look resembled something from a horror story. Iris returned back to her work, now scrubbing the soot off of Evangeline’s arms and chest, as much as she could with the woman still curled up like a caterpillar. 

“...Waaait, wait... Ya slept together? Dont tell mi ya focked wid this Irene... Because dat.. Dat would be waay too weird. For a sleepin’ though... I guess ya can sleep in mi room... I ‘ave quite a wide bed. Soo, as long as ye stay on yer heckin’ side... yer free to join mi. I can't take awai yer frickin’ nightmares, but guess I can be dere if ya ‘appen to wake up for dem. ‘Aight?” Not only that, but Iris felt like she also needed someone to sleep with her. During her time floating in the sea of deep emptiness, she had from time to time had visions... like fragments of dreams, breaking through the black veil... yet always the image had shattered in front of her eyes, like a twisted mirror, sending her back into the black.

This felt different. When she had embraced Eva just a moment ago, the woman had felt real.. alive. But still, somewhere deep inside, Iris was afraid of sleeping. What if this was yet another trick? What if she woke up only to find herself floating.. drowning once again? 

“...Now I need ya to... never goin’ ba-ack... lean back a bit, so I can wash tha rest of ye... Yer not gonna crawl yer fockin’ cadaver into mi bed like dat, sister... Ohh no... Not gonna ‘appen!”, pale viera dipped the luffa into the soap water again, while intently staring at her hand and fingers. She blinked couple of times... it was a peculiar, slow blink, her left eye barely closing at all, and the eyelid moving on a small delay compared to the right. “Now... Feel mi... tell mi about dis frickin’ Irene of yers... I need to be sure o’ sumthin’...”

“W-wait...you’re staying? R-really?” Evangeline lifted her head to try to look at Iris, who was now behind Eva, scrubbing at her back and shoulders. Eva couldn’t believe it. She had been sure...absolutely sure...that Iris would have flown the coop, as it were. But maybe...something really had changed in Iris. She assumed she flushed at the mention of her sleeping with Irene...but couldn’t feel it the same way she usually could.

“We...slept in the same bed. No sex...no need to worry about that particular situation. She was just...comforting. That’s all.”

I guess ya can sleep in mi room… 

Evangeline blinked, looking into Iris’ eyes. Was she...sincere? She looked it. If she was...this was the kindest thing Iris had ever even thought of doing for her. Maybe...maybe it was possible. Maybe they could be friends, after all. Maybe Iris, under all of her deception...her difficulties...was a good person. She shook her head in an attempt to free her face of the incredulous look it must be wearing.

Evangeline slowly started to unfurl herself, spreading out at first, and then collapsing back into the water with a splash as Iris moved away from Eva’s back. She lay on her back, half-floating in the still-rising water, and stared at the ceiling. She felt the tension finally start to leach out of her. The grime and dirt floated away from her, one with the ripples in the water that exuded from Eva as she moved slowly in the calm surface of the bath.

“I...would love...to sleep in your room. Th...thank you. That’s really nice of you.” Eva could feel herself calming down, her desperate fear fading for now.

“As for Irene...she was a spellcaster...made little dancing lights. Even healed the burn on your arm, from that boiling water. She said she grew up in Gridania...and didn’t seem acquainted with much in the way of etiquette. She ate with her hands, and didn’t seem to understand talking with people very well. She was sweet, though...kind and caring. She tried to make people feel better. I don’t think Lord Blacksoul particularly appreciated it...but I think he has cornered the market on being the grumpiest old man I’ve ever met. She was always talking about how this house has such dark memories...and she would talk to the paintings. Ask them questions about the house’s past. But the strangest thing about her...was her eyes. They seemed dead...soulless. Which was such a difference from how she acted. Her eyes were how I could tell it wasn’t you in there...almost immediately.” Evangeline sniffled, but she was fairly certain the tears were over for the night. She didn’t think she had any left in her. She finally relaxed fully, and let Iris wash her, enjoying the feeling quietly.

“We-I was going to grab some food from the kitchen...after the bath. Would you like to join me? I think there’s some leftover pie still...that should help with the taste in your mouth.”

“Well, where tha heck I would go? I kinda live ‘ere, ‘aight? ...Okai, cloose yer eyes... I'm gonna get dat face o’ yers... Fockin’ ‘ell, where ‘ave ya been? Did ya crawl through a frickin’ big Bertha or sumthin’..?”, Iris carefully wiped the soot off Evangeline’s face, using small, circlular motions. As she had got all the mess off, she threw the luffa back into the bucket, and sat down next to Evangeline. 

“...Ya can do tha rest by yerself, Cinnabun, yer a big gal...” She was a spellcaster? This little fact had been bugging Iris from the moment Evangeline had mentioned it. How was that even possible? Iris never had any gift for magic. She had once seen a highlander woman lighting a cigarette with a flame cast on her fingertip, and had tried to copy the trick without any success at all. Magic had always been something so far out of her reach. Almost like her whole being was rejecting it. And now Evangeline was telling her this person using her body could cast magic? That was ridiculous... It was... unfair? Am affront, even! Eva had been wrong. The woman was a warrior. Maybe it had been some lousy trick that Eva saw as magic. Yes. That had to be the case. It was not any more magic than Iris was the Archbishop.

One thing was certain, though. This Irene was not the Irene Iris had known. Nor an echo of her. So it was just a coincidence... 

“So... Blacksoul is still kickin’ and as grumpy an arse as ever...”, Iris cupped her palms, using them to drink some water, swished, and spat it back into the pool. “‘Ow ‘bout Gramps? For ‘ow long I ‘ave been gone aniway?” A lonely thought crossed her mind, cutting like a glowing hot knife. “...And... Silke? An archmage somewhere, married to sum good-for-nothin’ lad? Nice teeeny little tower and all dat shite?” Iris tried to laugh, but it got stuck somewhere on the way, breaking out as a frustrated sigh. She had no idea for how long she had been under. It had felt like a couple of summers, but it was hard to keep track of time in the pitch darkness... She thought she had also fallen asleep a couple of times, so it was impossible to tell. Evangeline looked quite the same. But being a viera, that meant nothing. “Pie though! Pie sounds frickin’ fantastic! ...And a cup o’ coffee.. and a heckin’ Coffin nail.. Dis head-ache is killin’ mi!“

Evangeline immersed her hair in the water, and rinsed her face, as well as the rest of her body. That...would probably do it. No more grime...finally. She drew her hair forth from the pool, a mass of dark red sloughing off water as it pulled away from the surface of the bath. She smiled slightly at the nickname Iris had given her so long ago. A part of her had missed it...that one, specifically. Something about it fit perfectly. Though she certainly wasn’t going to complain about the sweet nicknames Irene had been giving her. She hoped she would be able to hear those again, someday.

“I’ve been making something. I’m hoping that Lord Blacksoul will find it useful...a gate for the front walkway. It feels a bit absurd to me that there wasn’t one here before...it’s the most basic level of security. Closing the gate and locking it is the easiest way to prevent the vast majority of intruders from wandering onto the premises. It won’t stop everyone, but it’s a step in the right direction as far as basic safety is concerned.”

Eva seemed to have righted herself mood-wise. Best to distract herself in the interest of preventing any further breakdowns. Irene may be gone now...but hopefully she would return at some point. And for now...this was a new version of Iris that Eva was enjoying quite a bit. Something had certainly changed...Eva wasn’t entirely sure what had transpired while Iris was locked away in her mind, but maybe it, as well as Silke, had given Iris the push she needed.

“Arsene? He’s fine…” Evangeline trailed off as she saw Iris’ face drop, mentioning Silke. Assuming that Silke was...married off? How long did she think she’d been gone?

“Iris...you haven’t been gone nearly as long as you seem to think. It’s been about four days since you were...lost to us. A lot has transpired, sure...but it hasn’t been months. And no-one has gone and gotten married...nothing quite so ridiculous.” Evangeline grimaced slightly at the mention of Silke’s name. The woman had done no wrong, but Eva couldn’t help but feel a twinge of resentment bite at her. That little green jealousy monster whipped its tail at Eva’s insides...just once. Just enough for her to struggle. But she held it back and quickly corrected her expression.

“As for Silke...we will have to write her. Both she and Lord Blacksoul have departed from Ishgarde, for fairly different reasons. Silke’s studies called for her to take a semester abroad, and it seems Lord Blacksoul was wanting for some...front-line experience. I can’t understand it...but who am I to stand in the way of men and the stupid things they choose to do?” Evangeline sighed, and finished rinsing her body off. She stood up and moved to fetch herself a towel to dry herself with.

“I don’t know if you remember it, but we participated in a rather disastrous dinner party. Someone named Asagi...her daughter...and Silke were invited here. The entire night was a mess, and I’m honestly surprised neither Arsene nor Varg had a heart attack at some point during the party.” The towel she dried herself with was still a bit scandalous for her to be wrapped in, but at this point she was too tired to care. Eva wrapped another towel around her hair and ears.

“That was when I brought Irene to Silke...and Silke was able to pull you out for just a moment.” Evangeline tried desperately not to think about that night...the feelings she had struggled with...and the heartbreak she had to endure. She closed her eyes briefly, taking a deep breath and willing her hastily reassembled heart not to shatter again in the middle of the damned bathroom. 

“She requested communication should your condition change. You can write her the letter tomorrow if you’d like...and I’ll see that it’s posted.” Evangeline offered Iris a towel.

“Let’s get that pie, shall we? And coffee…” She trailed off, wondering if she should mention the cigarettes. It would be healthier for Iris to go without them...and Eva rather disliked the smell regardless. After thinking for a second, she concluded that they weren’t nearly close enough, and handed off the towel, moving towards the door, and some food, at last.

As Eva mentioned Iris had only been away for some days, the pale viera could do nothing but stare at her companion, like one had just told her the sky is green and seas are made of rolanberry jelly. 

“...Excuse me? Fockin’... f-four days? D-Dat can't be... It can't..” she shook her head in disbelief, while getting up from the bath, and reaching for a towel. 

“...I... I was in dat frickin’ bottomless ocean for... at least..t-two summers... Dat d-doesn’t make any sense! ...Yer not fockin’ wid mi, Cinnabun, ‘aight?” Nothing made sense to Iris... This feeling was too much for her mind to process properly. How can one be gone for such a long time, while for others, it had been only days? 

‘Am I heckin’ losin’ it..?’ 

She thought to herself, while wrapping the towel lazily around her hips. ‘Madness is not a state of mind...’, a voice in Iris’ head.. a foreign voice of a woman. It echoed from the back of her mind, where a creature was sitting like a canine. A mess of red hair fell in loose curls on her pale shoulders. She had pointy ears, and eyes like those of a corpse. Blood red tearlines ran down on her cheeks, and her black lips were curled up into a wide smile. The most conspicuous feature, though, was a thick, red, fox-like tail, coiling around her legs.

“Irene...”, the word escaped from Iris’ lips, after she had been staring into distance for a while. 

‘...A mind of your mind... our fates entwined...’, answered the voice in a soft tone. Iris closed her eyes, tilting her head to side. The movement was twitching, resembling a person who’s having a dream. As she opened her eyes, they were, once again, the dead eyes of Irene. In the next blink though, she was gone, like a whisper in the wind. 

“...Uhh.. So dat really ‘appened? Tha night when Silke was ‘ere..? I thought it was a heckin’ dream.. I’ll need to write sumthin’ for ‘er... Damn... Not a state of mind... Pie though... Just a whisper away... P-Pie sounds like a frickin’ splendid idea! And coffee... Fockin’ ‘ell Evangeline... Can ya please get mi a damn cig? Mi ‘ead is killin’ mi...” Holding her head, Iris trailed past Evangeline to the door, pushing it open into the dark hallway. Somewhere in the darkness she could feel the creature... For a moment, viera thought she saw a dancing orb of flame, lingering around the windows near the door, only to soon realize, it was just the glowing hint of the street lights on the walkway. She turned to Evangeline, standing with her on the doorway. “Yer fox is still ‘ere, by tha way...” Pale viera stepped into the hallway, as her eyes had started to adjust into the darkness. Why had no one lit the lanterns anyway? The place was like a grave. 

“...Never goin’ back..”, she whispered to herself, while feeling her way with her fingertips. She could hear Evangeline’s steps right behind her.

Evangeline stopped dead in her tracks. 

“Did you say two summers in a bottomless ocean? That’s...that’s so horrible.” Things were starting to piece themselves together now. Eva had been wondering how or why Iris had changed so much in just a few days...wondering what had happened to her. Wondering why she had seemed just a bit more unhinged than usual. Even through the haze of Eva’s despair, it was a bit obvious. If she had been trapped...imprisoned in her own thoughts for two summers...Evangeline could think of few things more mentally traumatising than that. Eva’s heart plummeted when she realized how awful she had been to Iris. Iris, who had been...drowning? At the bottom of an ocean...for years. And Evangeline had been concerned with her own stupid feelings. Her stupid dreams of a stupid relationship that wasn’t ever going to happen in the first place. Poor Iris...she needed some support right now.  Evangeline hoped she could provide it. She moved closer to Iris, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder, when she heard Iris speak.

Irene... Iris was looking through Evangeline, eyes vacant, directed at something that could have been behind the tall, muscular viera...or something that could be a thousand malms away. Eva was ashamed of it...but her heart leapt at the mention of Irene’s name. Eva kept her focus on Iris, though. The woman needed help from her...not another treatise on how she wanted to see Irene again. Before Eva could open her mouth to say something, Iris closed her eyes and spasmed, eliciting a jump from Eva. “Iris? Are you okay?”

She got closer to the waifish girl, eyes radiating concern as she tried to understand what was happening. Iris’ eyes snapped open, revealing Irene...just a hint of her. Irene’s eyes were truly unmistakable...although Evangeline thought she had imagined it for a moment, as the eyes flicked again. When she reopened them, they were back to Iris’ deep purple pools, filled still with life and fire that she continued to deny was present there. Evangeline shook her head, trying to clear her perspective. Taking another look over the pale woman, she nodded numbly at Iris, who had started talking about Silke again. What did this mean? Did she want Irene back so desperately that she was seeing things? Constructing that gate must have taken more out of her than she had thought...there was no way that Irene could be making herself known again. If she was even still there. Iris had hardly ever switched with the first ‘other’...what evidence did Eva have that it wouldn’t be the same with Irene? She was being too hopeful.

Iris wandered past Eva, who let her hand fall away without any resistance. The spindly figure was holding her head...best to get her something to eat. Some actual water too, maybe. Perhaps she was dehydrated. She followed after, trying not to intrude too far into Iris’ space. She wasn’t sure if her presence was helping, or hurting. Best to be careful for now...she didn’t want to upset Iris if she could avoid it. Iris turned to her, throwing a few words over her shoulder as if they were the peel to a banana.

Yer fox is still ‘ere, by tha way… 

Eva’s heart, which had just started to settle down, felt as if it were about to try and climb out of her chest and up her throat. This was confirmation. It was real. Irene was still there...and Eva had probably seen her eyes for just a moment too. A valve opened in her body somewhere and relief flooded throughout every inch of her. She could feel her body relaxing...as long as Irene would come back...for sure...Eva could wait. She would absolutely wait...and she would do her best for Iris, too. She hurried after the retreating figure, following her into the kitchen, and busied herself with starting the coffee brewing. Sweeping around the kitchen like a seasoned housewife, she fetched a plate, and smoothly slid a slice of pie onto it, filled a glass with water, and presented both to Iris, who Eva quickly noticed had taken a seat at the table, still rubbing her forehead.

“There...maybe this will help a bit. Oh!” Eva spun on her heel, almost floating to the silverware drawer, and wrapping her fingers around a clean fork, which she placed delicately next to the pie.

“The coffee should be ready soon...and…” Evangeline grimaced. She didn’t feel comfortable enabling it...but she didn’t want to cause any unnecessary friction with Iris. 

“Where do you keep your cigarettes? I can fetch one for you…”

To be continued..

[ljandersen]

Behind the scenes. 18, 19, 20, and 21.

Thank you for the ask, rpgwarrior!  You’re awesome.  This is from Behind the Scenes of Fic Writer 30 Questions.

18.  What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

This is a hard one.  On one hand, I like so many scenes.  On the other hand, I go back, read them, cringe, and want to change everything.  None of them are good enough to be “really proud of.”  Haha.  I’ll just go with one that I like.  It’s the flashback in part one of “Burning Barriers.”  Shepard and Kaidan are broken up, and Shepard is remembering a conversation they had by the fireplace in her Citadel apartment in ME-3.  After Shepard light-heartedly answers a question from Kaidan, she turns in back on him.  What would he want if not for the war?

  A grin tugged at his lips. He sighed and slouched back more on the couch. "Fine. You know what I'd want? I want moments like this, but I'd want them all with you. I'd want a house on the Pacific. I'd want to finish dinner and drink wine on our veranda overlooking the ocean. Then we'd roll up our pant legs and walk in the sand by the surf. Everything would be red from the sunset, and I'd hold your hand. Our feet would be cold, our faces chapped from the wind, and I'd kiss you. I'd tell you I love you, like I would every day. I'd feel lucky knowing I could say it the next day and the day after that.  Not just saying it, because it's the last thing I want to have said to you."

 She swallowed dryly and looked away. Her voice was a little raspy, so she cleared it. "Pretty tame fantasy there, Kaidan. Just hand holding and kissing, huh?"

  "Oh." A smile turned up softly on his lips, and he brushed back strands of hair on her face with his free hand. "Didn't know you wanted the director's cut."

  "I don't want the censored edition."

  She forced a brittle smile.  She tried to pull it wider as he looked down at her. His eyes studied her with a growing grin. Still holding her hand, he drew his other arm onto the back of the couch.

  "All right." The grin grew wider. "After the credits, if you're still watching and you're over seventeen or with an adult guardian – the sunset fade over the ocean. We tear off all our clothes –"

  "I want to tear yours off."

  "Okay," he allowed with a smirk and nodded. "You tear my clothes off. Buttons spray everywhere sending some seagulls off squawking. Then, we run into the surf. We swim out. I splash you with my biotics, and you dunk me with yours. And, it's you and this is supposed to be real, you dunk me a little too thoroughly. I stumble out of the water choking and gagging up water. You feel kinda bad and come rushing over kicking water around your legs. I'd have really swallowed water, don't get me wrong, but maybe I was exaggerating a little. You'd come over a feeling little guilty, and I'd catch you."

  "Now's the racy part." Shepard grinned. "Please continue."

  "But, we're cold. It's the Pacific, the sun's down. We race each other back to the house along the footprints we left an hour earlier."

  "Teasing your audience." Shepard clicked her tongue. "But we didn't put our clothes back on, right?"

  "Of course not. We never liked those clothes anyway, and mine are shredded. We leave them to the seagulls."

  "Please, tell me there's a seagull that shows up later, your underwear around its neck."

  "It's your underwear, and the seagull's wearing it."

  "Spoilers."

  "You asked."

  "Okay. Unpause. Naked, running back to the house …"

  "Right. We're cold and sticky from the sea salt. We tumble into the shower and turn it up as hot as we can stand, until it burns our skin."

  "That the only heat being turned up?"

  Kaidan chuckled and dropped his hand to her hair again. "Then, we make love."

  "Finally. Not nearly graphic enough for all the buildup, but I see you're going more for decorum than gratuitous spectacle."

  He rested his arm across the back of the couch and shrugged.

  "Maybe I'll get into the specific later. Easier if you can visualize them."

  "Oh. So, a live action performance?"

  "Right, and I'll need a volunteer from the audience."

  "I didn't realize there'd be an audience. This is kinkier than I thought."

  "Just you, me, and the seagull wearing your underwear."

  "Ooh. You are a deviant." Shepard gazed up at him. "Then what? Fade to black as we break out the shampoo and luffa? Too boring for broadcast."

  The smile was soft and reached his eyes. He lifted his fingers out from her hand and touched the side of her face. His eyes followed his thumb as it traced over her cheekbone, and his smile tightened deeper into his cheeks. He met her eyes.

  "After? We'd fall into bed then. Our bed. The one we've slept in too many nights to count. Our skin's warm and pink from the shower, and we'd leave the window open. I'd listen to your breathing as it slowed and deepened smelling the shampoo in your damp hair. The cool ocean air would stir the curtains in the moonlight, and I'd watch the breeze move stray hairs across your forehead. And I'd think: I'm the luckiest man alive."

 Her throat tightened, blood beating in her ears. She turned her face to the fire, focused on her breathing, and interlocking her hands across her middle. The flames moved in the shadows.

  "I would have liked that," she said.

This wasn’t a scene I included in the first draft of “Burning Barriers.”  I had a flashback in part 2 that Kaidan remembers that follows this scene.  At one time, I considered writing a story set before “Burning Barriers” and wondered how to show that moment without repeating Kaidan’s flashback. I needed to show that point in time, otherwise the flashback wouldn’t have a reference.  So I wrote this scene to see if I could hit the same emotional key but show a different part of the evening.  After writing this, I felt my question was answered, it was possible to write such a scene, so i tossed it aside and promptly forgot about it in a notebook.  After adding a flashback in part 3 of "Burning Barriers", I felt like, for consistency, it made sense to have a flashback in part 1.  I came across this scene that I’d discarded in a notebook.  It fit exactly what I needed.  

19.  Who is the easiest/hardest character for you to write about? Why?

Shepard and Kaidan are the easiest for me to write, because I’ve written their POV multiple times.  The hardest to write are probably the krogan, Wrex and Grunt.  For some reason, I have in my head how I think they should sound.  When I watch YouTube videos, I don’t feel like my version and what’s actually in the game align.  It’s something I work on, but they’re both harder for me write.

20.  What’s your favorite minor character you’ve written?

Favorite minor character from the game?  Oohs, that’s hard.  I’ve written minor characters, like the councilors, but none of them were especially exciting to me.  I love writing Chakwas and some other moderate-level character, but truly minor?  I don’t think I have one.  I have an OC who plays a minor part in my WIP “Someplace Like Home.” I’ve come to enjoy him.  He’s the Normandy’s physician, kind of irreverent and flippant, a sort of dorky high school science teacher type.  

21.  What is the one fic that got away?

I answered that one here.

Again, thanks for the ask!

[jeonjagia]

Dancing For Yoongi- Chapter 33 A New Beginning, Yet a Frightening Past

SEVERE SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER!!!

DOT NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18!!!

"Jungkook please," I whimper as he presses into me. Growling, he takes my hips and positions himself. 

Sex with Jungkook is wild and rough. There is no sweet softness about him at all. He is straight and to the point, making his point sometimes a little too roughly. "And to think you married Suga," he growls in my ear as his fingers dig into my skin. His voice coming from behind me as I'm pushed face first into the wall. "Jungkook," I gasp, "that was because-," "Because you were trying to get away from me," he growls as he thrusts into me, making me jerk forward. I place my hands on the wall to steady myself from his actions. I can tell this time is going to be angry sex with him. We can't have soft sex till he gets all his issues out now. I mean, if this is a healthy way for Jungkook to express his anger rather than abusing me, I'm okay with it. Jungkook grips my hip watching himself as he thrusts. "Did you do it to make me jealous?" He asks flipping his wet hair out of his eyes. I look at him with new eyes, not at the man who abused me for three years, but as a new man, an attractive one. Granted, Jungkook was always attractive. A slap shakes me from my thoughts, and I realize Jungkook just slapped my ass. "I asked you a question," he says, eyes darkening. Trying not to moan in the sentence, I grunt out, "I wasn't trying to make you jealous," I say through his thrusts. His gaze darkens and he slaps my ass again making me hiss. "I remember you like this," he says as he watches himself pump in and out of me. I close my eyes, letting my body feel the sensations of Jungkook inside of me. See, I'm not a loud person in sex, rather I get absorbed in feeling the sensations rather than making a big deal about them, i.e. the moaning. "Make a noise," Jungkook says taking his other hand to grip my hip. "What?" I ask confused. He slaps again, my ass beginning to turn red. I hiss attempting to cover my ass but the grips my wrist. "Make a noise," he grunts pushing harder. I let out a squeak as his ministrations. I can see him scowl at my attempt. He suddenly stops, pushing me against the wall fully, his chest flush with my back. "I said," he says lowly, "make a noise," he finishes enunciating the last three words. "I'm not a vocal person Jungkook," I gasp as he starts again. He tempo suddenly increases causing the sparks and butterflies to turn into chaos. Soon my legs can no longer support themselves as I slide down the wall bent forward, Jungkook holding me at my hips. "Make a noise," he says, thrusting with each word. I let out a strangled moan as I can feel him going deeper inside me. Jungkook, as drugged as he was a year ago, still knows my body very well. "Awe baby, that's not good enough," he says stopping his actions. I freeze. He's starting to be a bad boy act now cause he knows I like it. "Jungkook no, please," I beg trying to find my footing on the slippery shower floor. Jungkook suddenly lets me go and I fall to a heap at his feet. I look up to come face to face with his member. My eyes widen. Looking past it, I make eye contact with Jungkook. His gaze switches from mine to his dick then back to me. I realized what he wants. "No," I say shaking my head. This is all happening too fast. Jungkook didn't like the sound of my reply as he backs me into the wall, knee trapping me to look up at him. His dick rests above my head. "Suck," he commands raising his eyebrows. "No," I whimper placing a hand on his muscular thigh. It flexes under my touch. Jungkook slowly reaches down and grabs my throat, pulling me up to my feet. "Suck, or I'll make you," he growls into my ear. I look at him, eyes wide. "Jungkook I don't want to," I say hoping he listens to me. I look at him with eyes of sincerity. He stares at me for a few seconds before pushing me back against the wall.

"Fine," he says menacingly before letting go of me. He turns, grabbing the shampoo bottle. I look at him wondering what he's doing. Did he just stop?  

"Jungkook," I say confused. He turns as he pours the shampoo into his hand, rubbing into his hair. "Jungkook," I repeat more urgently.

"What?" he mumbles rubbing it into a lather as he turns fully to me. "What are you doing?" I ask utterly confused.

"If you what it, prove it," he says shortly before stepping into the shower stream letting the suds wash out. "What?" I repeat. He pauses before looking at me darkly.

"If you want it, prove it," he says enunciating each word before turning back into the stream. I stare at him debating if he's actually serious.

Jungkook continues washing himself, now onto the other hair products he uses. I pause for a couple of minutes debating what to do. Do I take what I want? Approaching Jungkook, I place a hand on his hip, pulling slightly. He follows with my action, turning himself toward me. He watches me with his hooded eyes evaluating my moves. Slowly, I kneel down in front of him, keeping eye contact with him. Slowly, I wrap my hand around his member, he flinches at the touch, eyes locked with mine. I move my hand back in forth, letting the water from the shower lubricate his cock.

"Put it you're mouth on it baby," he says leaning to grab my throat, eyes full of lust. I kiss the tip, making him hiss. He bites his lips at the tension of his cock. He needs release. I take my tongue and swipe the underside of his cock. His jaw clenches at my slowness.

"Put it in your mouth," he demands now grabbing the base to find some release, head leaning back at the sensation of my lips on him. Opening my mouth slightly I suck at his tip letting my tongue swirl around him. His eyes close in his bliss, mouth slightly open. I suddenly take him all in making Jungkook gasp and grab my jaw. I pause my actions as he adjusts. He sighs in his bliss allowing me to continue. "Yes baby," he sighs petting my hair, "just like that," he sighs out as he follows my head movements.

Jungkook is in his own euphoria as he floats on his high. I wonder if this feels better than his drug high. Shaking the thoughts from me, I continue to throat Jungkook, working him off. Jungkook suddenly grabs my face, holding it still as he starts to thrust into my mouth. He bites his lip face pulls into a grimic as he works himself off. In his thrusts he pushes my head against the wall and holds it here. I sit there watching jungkook as he rides his high. I'm happy I made him feel something.

I soon feel his load spurt into my throat and down my esophagus. He half smiles down at me, as his thrusts become softer now, now that he has found release. His eyes change from lust to love, an emotion I did not know jungkook was capable of. He takes himself out of my mouth, letting it hang. His hands come to stroke my cheek. Taking my chin, he pulls up, bringing me into a standing position.

"Like that baby," he whispers, his voice lost to him. He's still coming down from his high. his eyes search mine as I look back at him. "did you not enjoy it?" he asks in a low voice. I look up at him, a timid look. "Jungkook I think that this is too fast," I whisper, throat sore. His eyes glance to mine as he grabs the soap and luffa.

"Too fast?" he repeats tongue searching the inside of his cheek as he pours the liquid soap on the luffa and starts to make it into a foam. Jungkook starts to rub the suds onto his body watching me. I stand in the corner not sure what to do.

"Did you not enjoy it?" he asks coasting over his abs.

"I did," I reply softly. Jungkook looks up at me. "Then what?"

"I don't know," I pause, "maybe I'm just scared. I don't know this kind of you."

"Do you want the old one back?" he asks eyes flitting to mine. "No!" I reply urgently, rubbing my arms. Jungkook looks at my action,pausing. He steps aside and pulls me gently into the water stream.

"Then what?" he says bending to reach his legs and the bottoms of feet. I watch him as he washes himself.

"I'm scared you'll regress." I finally say.

Jungkook freezes, arm paused on the inside of his calf. He slowly comes up, face to face with me, eyes narrowing. "Regress...how?" he asks, almost a threat. I gulp. I don't want to trigger him.

"Regress, back to the...old...you." Jungkook stares at me for a few seconds before continuing his work. "That's not going to happen," he mumbles.

"How do I know?"

Jungkook straightens turning to face me. "I want this. I'm not going to mess it up now,"

"Then what was different between now and when you were on drugs?"

Jungkook thinks for a second before answering, "I'm off drugs?"

"But you could regress," I state softly. Jungkook turns to me suddenly, eyes glaring. He pushes me up against the shower tile. He looms over me asserting his dominance.

"I. will. not. regress."

I look up at him. I think he means it.

[dracota]

Gardening oops... so many seeds

I have so many seeds. My poppies and sunflowers while not doing as good as i would have liked... they all produced seeds. Considering I am actually going to plant them properly this year I should have more.

This is not counting the almost twenty sunflower varieties I got in the mean time. They were on sale and I was and still am angry at rare/seeds for their bullshit.

The poppies need a place with water runoff and sunlight. My dad helped me sort-of fix the street draining into my garage problem but it’s still there because I haven’t actually put in the cement driveway footer thing that is needed. Because there is no street curb.

I also have a lot of red flax.

Flax I found out can either be grown for fiber OR seeds but not both at the same time for the same plant. So I will have some off to the side to get more seeds while the rest will be in their own little section so I can try to harvest flax fiber.

I do not weave or spine and this will be packed with miricalgrow so I don’t know what the quality is going to be. Science? wtfbbqidk.

This got really long so have a cut.

this is not counting all the nausternum seeds that I also got. And saved. I am sad that they didn’t eat my lawn like I had hoped but they were a nice pop of color.

The chamomile was too polite and was smooshed by the grass. I’ll be sticking it in a pot this year.

I think I accidently murdered the red bee balm when i tried to clear up the mildew on it. not replacing it because it was ugly and no bugs looked at it.

I was snap dragons and more of the colimbin that was growing when I moved in.

I think I have an ecinatia plant i need to move from under my japanise maple, no idea how the seeds got there. I have more seeds to try.

So many cosmo seeds. So Many. They need to be steaked up.i wonder if i can get branches to make something witchy looking? if not it’ll be upside down tomato basket things.

I think I need to try getting a willow to grow. Then I can just harvest it for wattel and wood. I might have to go hunting after the next wind storm for bigger branches. shame I don’t have a truck or trailor.

have I mentioned that I don’t think I have enugh yard for all the flowers? I need to do something to the grass and I need some kind of boarder because of one stupid old ass.

Oh and I still have to burn out the yew stumps that are in the front flower bed... that is also full of bulbs. Mostly full of bulbs.

And someplace there is a peony that I don’t know if it survived or not. And I should try growing the luffa indoors this time because it grew way too slowly outside.

And I forgot about all the onion seeds and the carrot seeds and left over tomato seeds.

Not to mention that I plan on growing german butterball potatos this year because there are none in the stores by me. How do I potato? a tube thing and lots of dirt right? I have pleanty of people to give them to if I can grow them.

Did i mention that ther is arsenic and that I have a letter from NYS saying it’s safe for me to grow what ever and do what ever with my garden? yeah, that.

[tisfan]

Hook, Line, and Sinker

Title: Hook, Line, and Sinker by @tisfan Link: AO3 Square Filled: R3 - dares/bets Ship: Bucky/Tony, Tony & Rhodey Rating: teen Major Tags: hangover, broship, rhodey is a good bro, dares/bets, blind date, sort of, pre-slash Summary: Tony woke up with a hangover and someone’s phone number. Rhodey doesn’t quite believe it. With Tony’s prize Shelby on the line...  Word Count: 1,885 Created for @tonystarkbingo

A/n: This is the sequel to this February’s Candy Hearts ficlet, Pick-up lines, but the story is self-contained. A requested and tipped fic for @unreliableunseelie

Tony woke up with a head full of cotton batting, a mouth full of dragon shit, and a memory of the previous evening that was entirely lacking.

He managed to roll over, away from the very annoying beam of light -- light, hah, felt more like a brain-destroying laser -- that was flooding his room, at the expense of everything left over in his stomach rebelling. “Oh, god,” he said, and then sprinted for the bathroom.

Okay, sprint was pushing it. Ambled with purpose and direction.

Whatever he’d eaten had probably tasted better on the way down, but since Tony couldn’t remember anything after he and Rhodey hit the third bar, he couldn’t guarantee it. He was just trying to find a bar that had the right ambiance.

He wasn’t sure he’d managed it.

He bid farewell to his late night snack, flushed, rinsed his mouth, spit. Used the bathroom for its other purpose, flushed again.

Considered taking a shower.

Considered not taking a shower.

Honestly, his sadiversary was getting to be old news, and he was too old to be acting like that anymore anyway.

He wasn’t even sure he really missed Steve anymore.

Did he?

He didn’t. Tony decided that, firmly. He did not miss Steve, that wasn’t going to happen anymore.

He tried to remember if he’d decided that last year, too.

Maybe he could go for a big party, his five year sadiversary next year, and then, it could all be over, over, over.

“Or you could just stop,” Tony told his reflection.

Shower.

He could do it.

Not mourning his failed relationships any longer.

He could do that, too.

Tony emptied his pockets; he’d apparently just rolled into bed, since the only thing he was missing from his outfit were his shoes and tie. And god only knew, he might have thrown the tie out last night. He’d been known to do that sort of thing before.

“New man,” he told his reflection. “New life.”

Wallet. Keys. Phone.

Cocktail napkin.

Cocktail napkin?

There were digits on a cocktail napkin. In his pocket.

“Jarvis, call Rhodey,” he told his phone. His phone did its thing while Tony finished getting undressed. “Speaker.”

“There’s coffee already prepped for you downstairs, no you didn’t puke last night before I left,” Rhodey said as soon as he picked up. “Your car is fine, we left it at the garage, and as far as I know, there are no warrants out for your arrest.”

“Thank you for that cheerful morning report,” Tony said. He turned the shower on and shivered as the water didn’t insta-heat and the first blast was cold over his forearm and hand.

“Seems like what you’d want to know,” Rhodey said. “How’s the hangover?”

“I think it’s been worse,” Tony said, stepping into the spray. It was still not as warm as he wanted it to be, so he turned it up some while he waited, cringing all the way in the back of the shower, away from the cold.

Which was stupid, because thirty seconds later it was way too hot and he had to reach through it to turn it down. He should get on the set-my-preferences shower system that would just… chime when it was ready. Like a microwave.

Except, you know, nothing like an actual microwave, because those were dangerous, even on short term exposure.

“You were doing okay, last night,” Rhodey said. “With the drinking. But then you decided to play bertie botts every flavor ice cream last night with some ridiculous little ice cream shop that’s open twenty-four seven and what the hell man, I could not keep you from eating chocolate and jalapeno ice cream at three in the morning.”

“Well, that explains my rude awakening,” Tony said. He considered that for a moment. “Did I say it was good? I mean, it sounds kinda awful, but also intriguing.”

“I didn’t eat it,” Rhodey said. “And I don’t lick another man’s ice cream cone, that’s just wrong. Especially when it’s yours.”

“So what kind did you have?”

“Maple Bacon with Jack Daniels,” Rhodey said without a hint of shame.

“Where’s this ice cream shop again? I think I’d like to go there when I’m sober.”

“We can make that happen, Tones.”

“Great,” Tony said. He filled his luffa with shower gel and was instantly drowning in some vaguely outdoorsy scented soap. “So, tell me, did I score last night?”

“You certainly did not,” Rhodey said.

“Really? Cause I got digits here that say otherwise.”

“That is a fake number, that guy totally did not give you his real number, you were being a total drunken asshole, flirting with some bar-bum. Like the worst lines ever. I wouldn’t date you with those lines.”

“Rhodey, you’ve known me since I was fifteen. I’m pretty sure if you were going to date me, you’d have said something about it by now. Fake number, huh?”

“You don’t remember?”

“I don’t even remember the ice cream, much less flirting,” Tony said.

“Oh, well… too bad. You two totally played tonsil hockey for a while,” Rhodey said.

“I thought you said it was a fake number,” Tony said. He rubbed shampoo into his hair. “So, if we were necking, that seems to counter the theory that it’s fake.”

“It was a pity kiss,” Rhodey said.

“Nobody gives pity kisses,” Tony scoffed. “And even if they did, no one would pity kiss me. I mean, I’m… good looking. Mostly.” He rinsed his hair, let the shower water run down his head for a while. Maybe he could drown in the shower, that might cure the hangover. Of course, it would mean drowning, and that just sounded uncomfortable. Not to mention, the whole being naked and dead thing. Would he even care about his image if he was dead, or would he be too dead to care?

Tony shook his head, which was a mistake.

“Don’t even try that false modesty bullshit, Tony,” Rhodey said. “You know you’re the thing. Mr. Thing, Mr. Third most Eligible.”

“Yeah, I never liked that shit, brings the gold diggers out in full force. One of these days, I’d like someone to like me for… you know. Me.”

“Yeah, Tones, what’s not to like about you?”

“I hear that sarcasm,” Tony said. “And you’re hurting me here, sourpatch. I am hurt. Like, there might be actual tears and everything.”

“Look,” Rhodey said, “you and that guy, you were on the same page last night, but I’m telling you, you were reading totally different books.”

“I’m gonna call him,” Tony said.

Rhodey scoffed. “No, you’re not.”

“I am.” He wasn’t.

“I bet you it’s a false number.”

“Bet you it isn’t.”

“Oh, it’s on, Tones,” Rhodey said. “A hundred dollars says it’s a fake.”

“Five hundred,” Tony said, “verses --” he paused, trying to think of something Rhodey actually wanted that Tony might feel bad about giving him. There wasn’t much; usually Rhodey wouldn’t let Tony give him gifts, not like expensive, real ones, at any rate. And Pepper kept boycotting his idea of buying Rhode Island and renaming it. She said it wasn’t a good tax write off. Spoilsport.

“The Shelby.”

“Wo-- my car?”

“Tony, you have like seventy cars. But I like that one.”

“Deal. I’ll take my winnings in cash, no trade value,” Tony said. “Jarvis, end call.”

Tony got out of the shower and toweled off. Less vigorously than normal because see previously mentioned: hung over. Got his bathrobe and made his way to the kitchen. Punched the button on his coffee machine.

Considered the cocktail napkin and his phone.

Drank his coffee.

Dialed the number.

“Mmmphs?” a voice said, a male voice, even, so Tony figured he might be getting somewhere. “If this isn’t an insanely good looking guy, I’m hanging up.”

“Well, you’re in luck today,” Tony said.

“Do I know you?” the voice wondered. “Because really, I don’t think I made friends with people who were cheerful at… ug… it’s not even nine in the morning, what kind of masochist are you, it’s Saturday.”

Already, a man after my own heart. “Um, this is probably going to sound weird, but uh… did you give your number to anyone last night?”

There was a very long pause and Tony might have thought that the person hung up, except he could hear breathing.

“Yessss,” the man said, tentatively. “If you’re a friend of Sammie’s though, and this is a joke, you let that half-assed--”

“Not a joke--” Tony protested. “I found a cocktail napkin in my pocket, and I was wondering…” Wondering what, actually. If he was the guy from last night, if they’d had a good time, if it was a nice kiss, what’s your name, what do you look like… “would you like to have an ice cream with me. Today?”

“Wha---?” The guy asked. “Are you seriously asking me on an ice cream date after a ten minute conversation in a bar?”

“Why not?” Might as well roll with it, now that he’d gotten started. “Just, no strings or anything, no nothing. Just ice cream and a little get to know you. What, coffee dates are lame, everyone does coffee dates. I drink so much coffee that it’s like having a date at the corner water cooler.”

“Yeah, okay,” the guy said. “Ice cream date. Sure, why not?”

“Okay, so… four o’clock? Um… I’ll, um, text you the address? And… I might have had beer goggles on last night, so, text me back a picture? Just to make sure, because I’m pretty sure the conversation was with an angel, or a model or something.” Tony didn’t actually remember the guy at all, but a little flattery. And he’d win his bet… right? He could part with the car if the picture was scary. Hell, even if the picture wasn’t scary, he owed the guy for letting him know what Rhodey wanted for his next present.

“Sure,” the guy said. “I’ll… uh, see you at four, then.”

“Yep!”

Fortunately, typing in maple bacon jack daniels ice cream in his search engine got him the address for the ice cream shop. He texted his date -- who… had a name. And it was probably a boy’s name, too, except Tony didn’t know it. Fuck.

Then he texted Rhodey: Got a date. Four o’clock. Ice cream shop. Cash only!

A few seconds later, he texted again. Or, if he happened to tell me his name last night and you remember it, I’ll forgive you for betting against me.

New Text From Rhodey: Bucky Barnes.

Tony stared at the screen for a long moment. Then. You’re forgiven for thinking it was a fake number because I’m not sure that’s a real name.

New text from unknown number: Selfie from the gym a few weeks ago.

Attached was a picture of a guy wearing a baseball hat and workout clothes, scowling fiercely and pulling up his shirt to reveal ridiculously sculpted abs.

Tony stared.

“You’d think I’d remember him,” he said wistfully.

Texted back See you at Four.

New text from unknown number: looking forward to it. My first ice cream date since high school.

Tony texted Rhodey again, attaching the picture.

Cash. Only. I lied. You are totally not forgiven. 

[duhragonball]

November Plannin'

All right, I've been thinking it over, and I think I'm gonna have to pull the plug on my NaNoWriMo account. The AI thing irks me, because to me the organization seems to think that it doesn't matter if you use Chat GPT or some other damn thing to reach the goal. And I do think it matters, because to me the whole point of the exercise is that those 50,000 words come from me, and me alone. The only software I need is Notepad.exe. I only downloaded iA Writer because it was like a Notepad.exe for my phone, and I got FocusWriter because it's like Notepad.exe with a wordcounter.

I've heard about the Nano community, and the writing groups, and the public meet-ups, and I'm not knocking any of that stuff, but I never had any interest in that. I just used the website to keep score, and I guess that's what bugs me, because by refusing to condemn AI, they're basically insinuating that the score doesn't matter. "It doesn't matter what you wrote." Someone told me that once and it still gets me kinda hot.

NaNoWriMo doesn't care if I write the words or not. All the org seems to care about is having participants who'll buy the merch and click on their sponsors, or whatever. They're gonna do this shady crap and they take the participants for granted. "What are you gonna do? Leave? You need us to reach your writing goals!"

That's the message I get from them. That's what made me reluctant to decide, because it is handy, and there's a certain anxiety that if I give up the structure the site offers, I might not reach my goal.

And that's the "creative monster" I need to slay this year. When I was in college, I took a semester of creative writing, and there was an assignment called "Killing the Creative Monster", and I interpreted it as a sense of not having enough time to write. Things kept happening, and the stuff I wanted to do seemed like it would take too long with no certainty that it would be worthwhile. That was in 1998. In 2024, the Creative Monster is the idea that I'm dependent on NanoWriMo to get me where I'm want to be.

So I'm gonna close down my account on the site. But I'm not doing it right away, because first I'm gonna save all the stats and stuff that belong to me. We'll start with the banner image I put up on my profile.

This is Zack Sabre Junior. This year, he won the G1 Climax tournament. He made a big deal about how his career wouldn't be complete until he won the G1. Not just any G1, but this year's tournament. I just put this picture in my profile because I was digging his tag team stuff with Taichi a few years ago, but suddenly I'm reminded of him winning the G1 this year. It was a big deal. He's the first guy to win that I actually wanted to win.

I've won NanoWriMo seven times from 2017 to 2023. But that doesn't matter. Unless I win Unaffiliated Autumnal Writing Challenge (UAWC) in 2024, I'll always feel a bit unsatisfied. That's what this one is about. No pep talks from some author I never heard of because I'm too busy watching anime to read. No funky word-count widget that always malfunctions around midnight. Just me and this computer, and a bunch of tekkers. That's how we're gonna do this one.

Good. I finally feel fired up about this one. I was beginning to get nervous. Let's figure out what I need to work on.

Luffa Annual 6. Ironically, this one actually takes priority over the main fic, becuase it's the Christmas Special, so it has a hard deadline. I was gonna work on it last week, but I kind of blew it off.

I don't know that the annuals are all that popular, but I enjoy making them, even if they are a huge pain in the butt to figure out. I'm glad this is the last one in the set, but I won't just slap it together and call it good.

Tellurium. This is a weird side-bet I'm making here. On my main blog, I used to do a series on the discovery of the chemical elements, and this was the next one on my list back in, uh... 2016. The tricky thing here is that the writing is just part of the job. There's research that goes into this stuff, and I don't want to get lose a days' worth of wordcount trying to wrap my head around molecular orbitals. Call me a glutton for punishment. It'd be relatively easy to just do 10-12 Luffa chapters and call it a month, because I've done that before. I feel like this year needs to be trickier. Also, I really, really want to get Te in the books. I don't think I like the chemical elements more than Luffa, but it is telling that I'm even having that conversation with myself right now.

Luffa 225-234. Of course I still plan to stick with what brung me to the dance. Kakarot is behind me but this fic isn't finished. The problem is that I only have a nebulous plan on where to go from here, and it's coming together a lot more gradually than I thought it would. I plotted a cool scene on my commute this afternoon, so that's a good sign, but I need to be realistic here. Last year went really well because I was writing the Luffa vs. Goku fight that I had been dreaming of for years. Motivation-wise, I've got nowhere to go but down. But I had similar problems in 2018-2020, and I prevailed then.

That Bulma project I was horsing around with. Last year, there was some crank on Twitter getting pissy at anyone who shipped Bulma with any non-canon partners, like there's a rule or something. That kind of inspired me to try to do some shorter works featuring Bulma hooking up with different characters. I didn't get very far last year, but I liked having a side-thing that I could jump into whenever I got stuck with the main work.

You know, thinking about it, I really need to use 2025 to work on some non-Luffa fanfic. In the early years, I worried that working on a longfic would eat up time that I could use for one-shots, and I slowly acclimated to just focusing one thing. But now that the Goku fight is done, the pressure is off to finish Luffa before I die. I mean, it's still not finished, but the Goku fight was a major milestone, and I didn't like the idea of never getting that done.

I mean, I still get kudos on that Caulikale fic I wrote in 2018, and the Gochi thing I did. People like that stuff, and I'm pretty good at making it. Maybe I should run a poll.

I dunno, that's probably enough for now. I should go back to bed. But I feel a lot better about November than I did a few days ago, that's for sure.

[i-truly-dont-know-anymore]

    Dear Sister,

I can’t lie, it’s been hard sis. Really hard. I wish I was handling it as well as some of the others. I’m a little teary eye as I write this, like I said it’s hard. First I have to catch you up. Let’s start with P****! I swear she’s about to walk, it’s crazy. She’s almost talking, oh how you’d laugh, she’s almost says ‘damn gina!’ haha, that’s thanks to T***. She says hey by the way, she loves and misses you. D** got a PS3 for Christmas, he was so happy man, his smile was crazy. He was so excited. A******* actually for 1 got us all(Me, B**, and M***) luffas haha, it was great. But she also straight up got a box of rocks. M*** said her grandma would’ve loved it so I really couldn’t say anything but damn was it funny to me. B** got some clothes and some other cool stuff. He’s working in the back now. Yea haha that’s right he’s cooking all the chicken when he works. He loves it. He said he likes it more than the front of house but who doesn’t right? He misses you a shit ton. I think he might be doing the best though honestly. You know how he is, even though he’s young and acts young he has a very adult oriented mind set. He might be going to collage out in Cali though! He’s filling out some paperwork for a trip out to see it and shit. I’m really proud of him, I know you are too.

M*** and K**** are doing ok. They are having some rough patches here and there but I think they are ok. I know it M*** hard. When he cried, I felt it in my stomach and I hated it. It’s only natural I suppose. He’s gunna be ok I know it. He’s got big plans. I can’t wait to see him there. He loves you like crazy and misses you like a motherfucker. K**** too, you were her sister too.

Mom and Dad really got hit too sis. Although I know you know that. Dad cried when it was all said and done. He was standing at the bottom of the kitchen stairs, looking out the window, and he started with a few but couldn’t hold it. I understood. Even though in all my life I never had seen Dad cry I understood. I walked over to him and held him. I have to tell you it was strange to hold him like that. I was comforting Dad and holding him in the kitchen crying on my shoulder. Fucking harsh man. I held Mom a lot too. She just stepped down as children's director, she’s been distracted but she’s getting there. I think it’s just gunna take longer with her, same with Dad.

The holiday’s were pretty ok, but it was obvious that you were gone.

Oh! I almost forgot!

J*** came out. Like out here! I couldn’t fucking believe it. Good job sis. No fighting, everything was pretty peaceful.

Now it’s January and your birthday is right around the corner. I’ll live it up out here for ya, or at least try.

I got to be real with you sis. I’ve been strong for them. Everyone has much as I can be at least. I’ve talked to so many people and helped them. But to tell all, I’ve been fucked.

I’m stressed, and lack so many emotions. My regular depression got so much worse sis. You knew where I was at, you were the only one really, I’m crushed beyond belief. I fucking miss you so much sis, like fuck. I keep waiting for your texts telling me to unlock the doors for you or not lock them for you. The first whole month I always unlocked them for you. Just in case you came back. I miss those texts, I miss seeing you around the house. I miss picking you up from **, I miss everything sis. I want to cry every day but can’t. I can;’t stop myself from the what ifs and what I could have done. No matter how hard I try. I lay up at night wishing I would have come up to talk to you. Talked to you more when I picked you up. After you went up stairs, after I said, ‘yea for sho, see ya in the morning’. J*** came over and we sat in the man cave, B** and I were making jokes and we all laughed. Boom boom BOOM, 30 minutes later Boom boom BOOM until 8ish 9.

It was so FUCKING normal that we joked about it. I wish I didn’t have to deal with that Sunday. It was the longest Sunday of my life. I wish I  

I know it was an accident, I know. I know you didn’t want this to happen.

But it did. I really do hope you’re happy sis, I really do meant it. I hope you found what you wanted and I hope you’ll wait for me. Sis I fucking miss you so much every single minute. I want to cry so hard but my tear ducts stay dry no matter what or what I try.

There or so many firsts we aren’t gunna get, Dad said something like that in his speech. But I won’t be able to Tell you about Cali or what I’m doing. I won’t be able to walk on my first beach with you, while you tell me why the Jersey Shore is better. I won’t be able to laugh at that.

    Truthfully I don’t know if I’m mad, sad, pissed, hurt, or anything. I feel numb to it. All I know is I fucking miss you. SO much.

I don’t know if I’ll write you another letter, seeing as how you’ll never read this. I wish you didn’t die sis. I wish I would have said something while you were alive but none of us thought it would happen. You even told K**** you didn’t want to die when she told you she was worried. I wish I was a better younger brother to you. I wish we talked more than we did. I wish so many fucking sis. I wish you knew how much you meant to me and how much I loved you before you O.Ded. But you’ll never know. I wish we didn’t find you on the your bedroom floor. I wish you weren’t so pale when I saw you. I hope your final dream was a nice one. At least those pills put you to sleep...

    These past almost 2 months have been hell. No text on my birthday this year huh? I’ll miss that but I understand sis. I fucking love you. I really do hope you knew that.

[turtlesandfrogs]

What’s a Gardener to do in December...(pt. 1)

Many of us in the northern hemisphere are thinking about what we want to grow next year (... unless you'rein Florida, apparently >.>) , and if you’re new to gardening, now is a fine time to start brainstorming and planning. This is part one of a series about garden planning, and will focus on:

Figuring out what you want to grow (or grow again).

I typically start by reviewing the year, and what I felt succeeded, what failed, and what I want to plant more or less of next year. If it’s your first year gardening, I would humbly suggest you start by answering two questions: 

1.) What do you want to grow?

 2.) What thrives where you live? 

This post aims to help you find an answer to the first question.

                        What do you actually like eating?

The first step, of course, is figuring out what you like to eat. Green beans and radishes might be prolific and easy to grow, but if you don’t like eating them, that’s just wasted time, money, space, and effort. 

My focus is on growing edibles, and more specifically, growing edibles that will reduce our grocery budget as much as possible while also being easy to grow. Sound like a challenge? Not as much as you may think, given that many things that are expensive to buy in stores are expensive not because they are hard to grow, but rather because they are hard to ship and store, have a very limited shelf life, or are just unusual. 

Some general examples of food in this category (at least in my zone) are leafy greens like spinach, lettuce, bok choi, kale, arugula, chard, etc and a variety of herbs. These grow like weeds here. If you really want to know for sure what will be cost effective for you to grow, one thing you can do is track your receipts for a month or more, writing down how much you spend on each type of vegetable. This also helps you get an idea of how much you should be trying to grow. Compare the money spent with how much space, effort and time each vegetable will take, and you should get a pretty clear idea. 

When I did this for us, it turned out that the foods we paid the most for were, in decreasing order: spinach, kale, broccoli, basil, red bell peppers, carrots, red onions, and garlic. Obviously, if you don’t like analyzing data as much as I do (I build spreadsheet in for fun in my spare time) you can probably just guesstimate from memory and end up pretty close.

Now this does leave two notable large blindspots, namely the things that we’d like to eat a lot of but don’t because they are too expensive and things I won’t buy in stores because the quality is just disappointing. For us, these include fancy potatoes (*sigh*....rose finns...), fresh herbs, various uncommon greens, lemon cucumbers, brussels sprouts, basil, cherry and yellow pear tomatoes, artichokes, bok choi, asparagus, raspberries, strawberries, blueberries, and gooseberries. In fact, you can't even find gooseberries in stores here. It's very sad.

So I combine these two lists to help me decide what to grow, and end up with a starting list that looks something like this:

Spinach

Kale

Broccoli

Various uncommon greens like: minzuna, tatsoi, miner’s lettuce, perilla, turnip greens and vietnamese coriander.

Basil (which I'm actually growing indoors over the winter)

Red bell peppers

Carrots

Garlic

Fingerling and fancy potatoes

Herbs

Lemon cucumbers

Cherry and yellow pear tomatoes

Brussels sprouts

Basil

Artichokes

Bok choi

Asparagus

If I have extra money in the seed budget I might consider things that aren’t cost effective for me, but I want to grow any way. For example: corn, luffa squash, and fancy potatoes.

This brings us to step two, figuring out:

                         What thrives where you live?

Which will be the next post in the series. Have any questions? What vegetables do you want to grow next year? What does your list look like?

Part 2

Part 3

[jeninthegarden]

Seed List 2021

I want them NOW.

The seed catalogues, the “garden porn”, has begun to arrive.  I always have to complete my review of the prior year before I can begin to think about what I want to plant this year.  I get interested in different cultivars from season to season; I swear off some, fixate on others, swear off some and then buy lots of seeds anyway because they are inexpensive or just include really pretty pictures, discover some new hybrids that I just have to try, succeed gloriously and re-order the same.   But first, there is the momentous decision of whether to order seeds or just order the plants, or hedge my bets and order both, or risk it and order neither in hopes of picking it up locally.   And then there are the plants other than vegetables.  Since I am now a member of the pollinator pathway and a 3rd year bee-keeper, there are native, blooming plants to be considered, and some non-native, invasive plants that have to be dug out and replaced with something.  I also have an orchard, and although I’m full up on fruit trees and berries, there is a lot of space in the fenced, groundhog-proofed orchard that needs companion planting or temporary cultivation.  We completed our great hugel – more space for planting native species and anything the deer don’t eat (asparagus, artichokes..).  And the lavender patch is thriving, not just with lavender but wildflowers, some of which are perennial and need to be relocated.  Now we are contemplating not one, but two rain gardens, one in the front yard and one in the back yard.

The following seed list is comprised of just the edibles I am ordering. For full disclosure, I’ve added the list of seeds I still have in inventory from the past few years. Not all of those seeds will be viable but I’m going to be germinating them because I have extra space.  The perennials, herbs, flowers, shrubs, trees, natives, exotics, hardscaping, bee-keeping and chicken-keeping are all detailed in my garden review.  Not here.  

Beans were a bust, so my fixation has not been fixed! And, as usual when I am thwarted by the elements, I double-down.   I’m totally over the squash and gourd bonanza, except that I saved seeds from all the squash I successfully grew, so now I am stuck with the dilemma of either giving the seeds away or planting them. I’m disappointed in the potato crop but the Japanese Yams were soooo delicious I’m going to try those again, and a couple other varieties that are just click-bait.  Super aggravated that none of the brassica flourished – doubling down.  And tired of waiting for fruiting, so I invested in some quirky, fast-maturing varieties and paid particular attention to standard varieties advertised for abundance and temperature range tolerance.  

I was surprised and worried to note, however, that some variety of seeds have already sold out, in January!  So, I panicked and ordered somewhat hurriedly, from multiple seed companies, some staples, repeats and favorites.  And then, in a more leisurely but not more methodical fashion, ordered everything else.  

Legumes:

Peas –  The pea crop was lousy last year!  And I used all my saved seeds trying for a fall crop, that failed. So, back to the drawing board.  Going by the descriptions, I ordered “Easy Peasy” from Burpee (11 peas per pod/2 pods per node -200 seeds) and “Maestro” (9 peas per pod, multiple pickings – 150 seeds).  I think I’ve ordered both of these in the past and was satisfied.  I also ordered “Alaska Early” (Extra early, 6 peas per pod, multiple pickings – 300 seeds) from Terratorial Seeds and “Knight Pea” (Extra early, 10 peas per pod – 150 seeds) from Pinetree.

Snap Peas: For my first ever attempt at sugar snap peas (no shelling required – but not as thin as snow peas), I ordered “Sugar Magnolia” snap peas from Pinetree Seeds, which have violet pods, and “Sugar Lace II”, the semi-leafless and prolific snap pea.  

Runner beans: Last year I ordered Territorial Seeds “Scarlet Emperor” with red blossoms, and Pinetree Seeds “Painted Lady” with red and white blossoms, “Sunset” with pale pink blossoms. And Park Seeds “Stardust”, with white blossoms. I have some of each left in inventory, so this year I am ordering “Black Coat” an ancient heirloom from Pinetree which is a red-blossomed, black bean.  

Bush beans: Park Seeds “Velour” which is a proven winner, in sold out already.  A compact, bush-habit plant, very heavy-bearing bright purple, stringless pods over a long season. I ordered it this time from Territorial Seed “Velour”.

Pole beans-I  want to try the Territoral Seeds “Rattlesnake” beans again since the groundhog and the drought got all the ones I planted last year. Pinetree Seeds “Winged Bean” yielded just two pods so I saved the seeds to try again, but also ordered a fresh pack. I still have a lot of “Violetto” purple pole beans left.  They do well climbing cornstalks or sunflowers.

Noodle beans – Never even made it into the ground, so I still have Pinetree Seeds “Red Noodle” and “Mosaic” left over. However, at this point germination is not going to be great.

Soybeans-  They are already sold out of Park Seeds “Midori Giant”. So I have ordered their organic “Chiba Green Organic” instead.

Fava beans- Pinetree Seeds “Varoma” was hearty and tasted superb.  I made the happy discovery that the stems and blossoms taste as good as the beans.  So this is absolutely a spring and fall crop I need to plant a lot more of. I doubled my order.  I may also order the bulk, cover crop variety to sew in the fall.

 Fruits:

Corn – The “Kandy Korn” from Burpee was delicious, or so say the squirrels!  It was a perfect appetizer to all the squash they demolished in the fall.  This year I need to regroup on corn.  I’m not going to have the space for it for much longer, so seems a shame to give up. I ordered “Blue Jade” a dwarf heirloom sweet corn from Hudson Valley Seeds, to plant in planters on the patio.  And I ordered “Dakota Black” popcorn from Territorial Seed to use for the 3 Sisters planting in the orchard.  I have grown Dakota Black previously.  

Cucumber- Cucumbers didn’t get enough heat last summer.  So this time I went with a quick growing slicer variety from Totally Tomatoes called “Green Light”. And a prolific pickling variety “Pick-a-bushel” from Burpee.  I have some “Bushy” and “Pickle Bush” (both bush, pickle cucumbers) left, as well as “Marketer” and “Market-More” thin skinned, slicing varieties left over.  But I was not impressed with any of these varieties.  And then there is “Barese” (from Totally Tomatoes): an “Italian heirloom novelty” that can be eaten young as a traditional cucumber, or allowed to mature into a melon..?

Eggplant – I did so well in the orchard I decided to go with Park Seeds “Black Beauty” large standard, and “Mixed Fingerling” purple, white and green (again).  Dan has really perfected his eggplant caponata recipe, and we grill eggplant and stir-fry it, or roast it for babaganoush often enough that we will eat all I can grow. I also have “Hari” (long green of India, but the seeds are several years old), and “Millionaire” (the classic long, purple of Japan, but also several years old) in inventory.

Gourds- I’m done with gourds.  We won’t talk about the stack of bushel, bottle, dipper, swan-neck gourds that are rotting on my front porch.  No, I said we’re not going to talk about it. The only gourd I want to try again is the Luffa gourd because I still have not grown a single luffa.

Melon- I bought Burpee “Mango Melon” seeds again, for the description of its taste alone because the seeds from last year did germinate but did not produce any fruit.  And I also bought “Jenny Lind” heirloom, green melon, and “Sakatas Sweet” a super sweet green with very thin rind, from Pinetree (which is located in Maine, so most of their seed offerings grow well in the Northeast).

Okra – like fava beans, I discovered that the entire okra plant is edible.  Leaves can be cooked like collards, and the flowers can be battered and fried like zucchini blossoms.  I saved seeds from Pinetree Seeds, giant “Cow Horn” and “Red Burgungy”.   I ordered Park Seeds “Rainbow Fiesta” ivory, green and pink okra again because it did not fruit.  The “Unicorn” which, although it is eaten like okra, is actually “devil’s claw”, a member of the sesame family and a medicinal herb, also did not germinate.  So I bought it again!  And then I saw that Territorial Seed had “Simpson”, which is more cold-hardy, and Burpee has “Baby Buda” which is a small, early maturing and cold tolerant variety of okra; so, I ordered those as well.

Pepper – I am trying an interesting experiment of over-wintering my pepper plants that did not fruit their first season.  Unfortunately, when I dug them up, I did not label them so, I don’t know if they are hot or sweet. I suspect they are mostly hot.  I ordered “Yellow Calwonder” from Totally Tomatoes, a fast growing sweet yellow bell, and “Chablis”, also a fast growing sweet bell that grows from white to orange to red, and “Sheepnose Pimento”, a sweet red cherry pepper, and “Sweet Banana” a long, sweet yellow.  Then I got distracted and ordered Pinetree “Tobasco Pepper”.  In inventory I have the following hot peppers:  Dragon Tongue; Cayenne; Paper Lantern; Habanero; Lemon drop; Chiltepin (fire flea); Portuguese hot red (Portuguese dagger); Early Jalapeno; and Pastilles Bajio.  And sweet: Big Red and Corno Di Toro.  I promise not to peruse the pepper plant sections of the rest of the incoming seed catalogues.  But a member of our local plant swap has a pepper propagating propensity, so I absolutely promise that some of the peppers I am planning to propagate will be proffered in exchange for some of the pepper plants she has propagated!  

Tomatoes – Here, COVID fatigue (boredom, tired of waiting) hit me and I started to ask myself why I have to wait until August for ripe tomatoes.  Then there was the timely arrival of the seed catalogue from Totally Tomatoes.  So I got a little off the rails and ordered “Quedlinburger Fruhe Liebe” that matures in only 40 days! I also ordered “Anna Russian” a red heirloom, “Old German” a yellow striped heirloom, “Black Krim” a purple heirloom, “Independence Day” another very early tomato.  And then the Burpee catalogue arrived…They have a 2 lb seedless paste tomato called “Super Paste” and a 3 lb beefsteak called “Steakhouse”, and the bronze colored plum tomato called “Shimmer” I grew a few years ago, and a French beefsteak called “Mama Marmalade” that I’ve been eyeing for a couple years.  So I ordered 1 plant of each, except for the Super Paste of which I ordered 30 seeds. I have a lot of seeds left in inventory: Pink Beefsteak; San Marzano; Green Zebra; Big Rainbow; Mr. Stripy; Brandywine; Giant Garden Paste; Mortgage Lifter, Black Russian, Black Seaman and Cherokee Purple.

Watermelon:  I chose “Faerie Hybrid” an early maturing (just 60 days), yellow rind with red inside.

Winter Squash and pumpkins: I’m sort of over my fixation, except that I saved a lot of seeds and am still mad about the squirrels eating all my squash and pumpkins.  So, although I am not buying any squash or pumpkin seeds, I have the following in inventory: Japanese black pumpkin; Honeyboat; Dumpling; No-ID other than “small winter”; Cheese pumpkin; Queensland Blue pumpkin; Butternut; Honeynut; Spaghetti squash; Giant pumpkin; Jester squash; Cherokee bush pumpkin.

Zucchini- Burpee fordhook heirloom is an excellent staple, but the Burpee’s Sure Thing variety really does well with less sun, and is very resistant to powdery mildew so I’m going with that one because last summer was just not hot enough for zucchini.  

Roots:

Beets: Pinetree “Beet Mix”

Carrot: Territorial Seed “Giants of Colmar”, large winter harvest carrots for stew. Park Seed’s “Rainbow Blend” purple-red-orange. Pinetree  “Culinary Blend” yellow-white-orange.

Radish:  Not interested! So, of course, I ordered some radishes that don’t look like radishes or even have the same growing season as regular radishes:  “Minowasa Summer Cross No.3 Diakon” from Territorial Seeds, which looks like a white carrot and grows in the summer.  

Potatoes:  Pinetree “Pinto Gold”, a medium sized gold potato with violet patches, and “Blackberry” small, jet black potato from Territorial Seed.

Sweet Potatoes: “Japanese Marasaki” from Territorial Seed. Purple skin with white interior that is sweet and pecan nutty, but with a firm, dry texture of a russet potato.

Turnips: “Hinona Kabu Japanese” from Pinetree, these look like pink carrots and are specifically for pickling.

No celeriac, rutabaga, parsnips, radishes, burdock, scorzonera, salsify, milk thistle….until I end up planting them anyway.  

Greens:

Arugula:  Pinetree Seeds “Astro” quick growing for clipping.

Chard: Pinetree “Peppermint Stick” Swiss chard. I don’t like red or yellow chard because chard is closely related to beets and the red/yellow coloring makes Swiss chard taste like beet greens.  I like beet greens but I also like chard that does not taste identical to beet greens.  So maybe peppermint stick will be a good, colorful choice that won’t taste too much like beets.

Claytonia: It is a succulent green that looks like a bouquet of little lily pads. Terrirotial Seeds “Miner’s Lettuce”.

Escarole: Burpee “Sugarloaf” This is a very tight-headed, upright variety that looks like a pointy cabbage.

Lettuce:  Burpee “Four Seasons Blend”, “Heatwave Blend” and “All Season Romaine Blend”.

Mache:  “Marcholong Mache” a super early corn mache from PineTree.

Nettles: “Stinging Nettle” from Hudson Valley Seed Company.

Orach: a violet red, velvet leafed spinach that grows on an 18 inch, upright stalk. Pinetree “Double Rose”.

Spinach: Park Seeds “Space”heat and mildew resistant.  “Renegade”a high yielding, weather indifferent variety is sold out! So I ordered “Imperial Star” very cold hardy.  And I’m going with “Lakeside”, a failure-proof, everything hardy, spinach from Territorial Seed.

Purslane: Pinetree “Goldberger Purslane”a larger, paler and more succulent variety, with a lovely golden bloom.

“Salad Burnett” a cucumber-tasting salad green from Pinetree

“Saltwort”, a succulent green from Pinetree

“Upland Cress” , a spicy, mountain cress from Pinetree.

Brassica:

Asian Greens: Park Seed “Li Ren Choy” pak choi;   Pinetree “Purple Pak Choi” and “Tatsoi Greens” and “Misome”; “Green coin” tatsoi and “Yum Choi Sum” Asian chard, from Territorial Seeds; “Rainbow Tatsoi” and “Komatsuna” tender green, from Hudson Valley Seed Company.

Broccoli:  Territorial Seed’s: “Aspabroc” and “Emerald Crown”, I have two rows of winter/spring broccoli mulched with straw in the garden that I am trying to overwinter.  And I have plenty of “Homegrown” broccoli mix seed in inventory.

Cabbage: Not a single cabbage succeeded last year.  So this year we start earlier and we start fresh. Territorial Seed “Kalibos” a pointy red cabbage, and “Wa Wa Tsai” an early, mini Napa cabbage, Burpee’s “Red Dragon” open leaf, red, napa cabbage.  Pinetree’s “Point One” green head super early (48 days) cabbage. I have some “Round Dutch” green cabbage left in inventory.

Cauliflower:  Park Seeds “Veronica” which is that weird, green pyramidal Romanesco – Sold Out!, so Pinetree “Romanesco”, and “Snow Crown” - 53 Days to maturity. I have some “Fioretto” open head cauliflower and “Burgundy” purple cauliflower seeds in inventory still.

Collards: I did not order any seeds, yet.  I have a row of seedlings mulched with straw that I am trying to overwinter.  I have “Champion” collard seeds leftover from several years ago.

Kale: “Portuguese Kale” from Burpee.  I have often described it as looking like giant green roses. It tastes more like cabbage than kale.  “Amara Ethiopian Kale” (looks like shiny, kohlrabi leaves, and matures in 40 days) and “Kosmic” perennial kale, from Territorial Seed.  I have 2 surviving Sea Kale (perennial) seedlings in the orchard. We’ll see if they survive the winter. And “Organic Kale Garden Blend” from Park seeds.  I also have a lot of Red Russian Kale seedlings I mulched with straw to see if they will overwinter. And I left some Portuguese Kale standing to see if it will re-sprout (if only to give me some more seed to plant in the fall).  I have lots of very old curly blue kale seeds leftover.

And, because they seem to go with the brassicas in planting rotations, the alums:

Leek: Territorial Seeds “Succession Planting” threesome of Zermatt, Tadorna and Bandit (seeds).

Onion: Burpee’s “Sweet mix” for shorter days.

Scallions: Park Seed “Warrior”.

Garlic:  I planted garlic in the fall, and it developed green shoots and roots.  I mulched it with straw and hope it will sprout in another 6-8 weeks.

[tauers-go-dutch]

Greece-y Turkey

Hold onto your butts- this one is a long one.  We spent a week on vacation, so we have a lot to write about.  

A couple of months ago, Mariah and I were talking about plans to go on a longer trip for her birthday and for Thanksgiving, both of which would fall on the same week.  We first discussed Iceland- eventually turning it down not due to the cold (it’s apparently always cold in Iceland), but due to the perpetual darkness with no guarantee for a decent view of the Northern Lights.  So we looked for warmer alternatives.  After talking to various friends that had been there before, our minds turned towards Turkey.  Sure, the political climate hasn’t been great the past couple of years, but we figured the everyday people would be friendly enough. Besides, Turkey looked beautiful, and Istanbul is one of the most historic cities in the world. So we made plans… oh, and we decided why not go to Greece in the same trip?

The trip wasn’t without snags… Turkey requires a visa for US citizens.  We bought ours online, and two days later, shit went down and the US and Turkey revoked tourist visa privileges from each other. So… we didn’t know if we could go for a few weeks.  We ended up calling the embassy and previously issued travel visas were said to be honored.  Further, eventually privileges were reinstated by both countries.  That didn’t stop the Dutch checking agents at the airport from harassing us with outdated information- they almost didn’t let us board because, ‘Well, the presidents of both countries are fighting right now.’  Um, close… I guess.  And people say Americans are ignorant.

Obviously we got on the plane.  It was literally the last flight out of Schipol at midnight.  A poor three and a half hours of sleep and we were in Istanbul. But that was just the layover. Another sleepless few hours and we were in Kayseri- a small city in the center of the Asian portion of the country. From there, it was an hour shuttle ride to Goreme, the main city in the Cappadocia region.  Yes, I wrote this to indicate the bit of a pain to get to Cappadocia, but it is worth it.  The region is populated with ‘fairy chimney’ rock formations.  They are gorgeous, and even more so when you learn that people carved homes and churches in them in the middle ages.  Now, whole hotels are embedded in the rocks- including ours!  After settling in, Mariah and I found lunch (delicious Turkish pide), and just walked around taking in the sites.  I mean, the sunset was amazing!  Then was an early dinner (seriously delicious and home cooked) and early bedtime.

Our cave hotel  

The next morning, we were supposed to have a balloon tour to see the sunrise, but the wind was too strong to go up.  Oh well, we made the most of it by going to see some of the aforementioned churches in the Goreme Open Air Museum. If you end up going, pay the extra fee to go into the Dark Church.  Luckily, when we went, we were the only people in at the time, and the docent was kind enough to give us a mini tour of the church and the beautiful frescoes adorning the walls.  Unfortunately, the frescoes are only preserved from the little light entering the church (hence Dark Church), and no photos are allowed.  

Afterwards, we tried Turkish ravioli (which is a dish from Cappadocia as we came to find out later) and some amazing Turkish samosas (I can’t remember the actual names, so I have to resort to analogizing the dishes).  We then took a quick taxi to a small town to the north called Avanos. The main part of town is very nice and picturesque, but we quickly found out the rest of town is not so nice.  We bobbled around a bit (and were guilted into buying a souvenir), then  we made our way back to Goreme.  We were told that the balloon ride would be canceled again the next day, so Mariah scheduled a consolation prize- a hamam bath.

This was a real treat- just be sure to check you inhibitions at the door.  We paid for a bath, massage, and facial.  We started in a sauna, which we really got the sweat going. Then, in just a towel, you lie down on a stone table.  A person then dowses you in water and gives you rough luffa scrub up and down your entire body.  This is followed by a lavender soap rub down- again all over.  You are rinsed and then given slippers to go back and relax before your massage.  Too bad my slippers were three sizes too small!  The massage and facial were standard, but welcomed.  We left the place feeling so relaxed and refreshed. Dinner that night was some of the best I’ve had.  Truly a great night.

Avanos

One size... fits all? 

The next day wasn’t too eventful.  Honestly we just made our way back to Istanbul, which was rainy.  We had some good durum and climbed the Galata Tower for some spectacular views of the city.  Plus we had some great baklava.  You might be sensing a theme that I enjoyed the food there, which was good because the next day we scheduled a food tour around the city.

Galata Tower

We met our guide, Latif, in the old city.  Latif opened up a small local tour company, Istanbul on Food, with his college friend. His friend has since moved to Australia, but Latif carries on the business.  I can’t stress enough how good this tour is.  Latif has been in the tour game for 12 years, and his passion for Turkey really shows.  If you go to Istanbul, book this tour.  The food is so good, and there is so much (really too much).  

We went on the ‘Taste of Two Continents’ tour, and started the day off with breakfast in the Spice Bazaar.  Latif gathered simit bread, various cheeses, Turkish pastrami, menemen (eggs with peppers and tomatoes), clotted creamy and honey, and both chunky and smooth hazelnut butter.  Holy shit, everything was amazing, but the smooth hazelnut butter was dangerous, which shouldn’t be a surprise given it was basically Nutella without chocolate. Afterwards we hopped on a ferry over to the Asian side of the city.  While it was chilly, we sat outside and caught some amazing views.  In the meantime, Lafit shared how the Asian side, specifically the Kadikoy neighborhood, is, ironically, situated more like a European city than the European side of Istanbul.  After living in Europe for a year, I completely agree. It really is an intangible feeling, but Kadikoy was hip and trendy, and very enjoyable. To hammer home the European feel, we started at a sweet shop by the port.  There we had salep, a spiced hot drink made from orchid flour.  While the Salep was good, the really cool thing about the shop was the Christmas sweets that they sold.  Turkey, as you may know, is predominately an Islamic nation. However, it is a secular nation, and very open to people of other faiths, as evidenced by its sale of chocolate Santas.  It was very heartwarming to see Latif relive childhood memories upon sight of the chocolate Santas which he used to have as a kid growing up in Germany (Germany has the largest Turkish population in Europe, outside Turkey).

From there, we had lunch at Ciya, which is widely regarded as the best lunch in the city. Each day the restaurant has a new menu of various dishes from regions throughout the country.  We had samples of two different stews, baba ganoush, stuffed eggplant, puff bread, and Turkish pizza.  Seriously, SO. MUCH. FOOD.  And this was stop three of 12.  The next stop was to the originator of a special type of donor kebap- an iskender kebap. This one doesn’t come wrapped up, but is rather eaten like an open-face sandwich and smothered in tomato sauce. And it is considered more upscale than the common street food version.  Luckily, after this stop we a stop for some lighter fare- traditional pickled veggies.  We had cucumbers (ie pickles), beets, cabbage, carrots, tomatoes, and even a plum. The plum was weird, but we cleansed our palate with a mix of pomegranate molasses and tahini.  Yum!  

Next we walked over to a street stand, and tried some mussels.  We had both fried and steamed- the steamed was mixed with rice and lemon, and was heavenly.  Well, at least for me… not sure Mariah thought as much.  But our next stop was for tantuni.  This was described as Turkish tacos, and that’s pretty accurate. They’re even better with hot peppers! The sour yogurts drinks that came with them were pretty awful, though.  Latif said every American he’s taken on tour has hated them, so there’s that. Next was kokorec, which, stay with me here, is pig intestine wrapped around tripe, roasted, diced, and served in toasted bread.  Actually not too bad, but I wouldn’t make it a habit.  Supposedly, the EU is cracking down on kokorec for sanitary reasons (Turkey is/was half-heartedly trying to join the EU), which is probably a good call. Next is a quick stop for raw meatballs, which is actually meat-free, and made from walnuts.  Supposedly, the original recipes called for meat, which wasn’t cooked due to a punishment from god, but now is made from walnuts.  It’s actually decent.

Unfortunately, this is not a milkshake- it is a salty, plain yogurt beverage! 

Ok, so now after a few lighter stops, we went to a small pide restaurant.  Pide is a popular dish in Turkey.  It is sometimes called Turkish pizza, but Turkish pizza often refers to the flat pita with a meat and tomato spread.  Pide has a thicker crust, and layer with cheese and toppings like a typical pizza, and sometimes wrapped like a calzone.  It is delicious.  We had a veggie (which unfortunately included mushrooms to Mariah’s chagrin), and was the absolute best thing we had all day.  In fact, Latif didn’t really eat all day (he tries to keep from eating too much on the tours to keep from gaining weight), but indulged here.  My only regret is that I forgot to take a picture of the restaurant, and I can’t remember the name.

I don’t think she can eat any more

On the final stop, we stopped at a local ice cream chain- Mado.  While a chain, this has the best ice cream according to Latif. We had some traditional Turkish ice cream, which is made thicker and richer than the American version.  We were also treated to a surprise birthday cake, courtesy of Latif.  SO. MUCH. FOOD.  Also, I forgot that we had some delicious baklava and Turkish coffee (no, you don’t drink the grounds that are left in the cup).  Latif even treated us to an extra treat of pudding made from barley/wheat topped with cinnamon and chickpeas.  It was good (truly), but we could barely eat it after stuffing ourselves earlier.  After the tour, we wanted to see the Taksim neighborhood, which is where Latif’s evening tour was located.  So he accompanied us and gave us a few more tips.  We thanked him and explored the neighborhood, including a holiday market, an orthodox Christian church, and an extremely lavish high school.  Then we went up to a brewery to close out the night. If I were hungry, I would have tried a burger, because they looked delicious (the beer was decent).  We called it a decently early night, but were pleasantly surprised when our hotel left us a complementary chocolate cake for Mariah’s birthday.  We made room. Overall, I think we can call this a birthday success.

Just kidding - she made room

The next day, we hit up all of the hot tourist spots of the city.  We went first to the Blue Mosque.  The architecture is tremendous, but I feel that the lack of décor within mosques leaves them feeling empty.  Outside the mosque we were harassed by a vendor who wouldn’t take no for an answer, and despite our best intentions, we admittedly fell a bit into his tourist trap and bough some spices and candies.  After that annoying side quest, we went to the Hagia Sophia, which was the grand church of the Byzantine Empire in the mid-6th century, until being converted to a mosque in the Ottoman Empire.  Now it is a museum, and houses the art from both eras. Additionally, there are some neat tombs for old sultans of the Ottoman Empire.  Afterwards, we toured the Topkaki Palace.  The palace was grand, but I’m still palace’d out.  There were some beautiful views that made the entrance fee worth it, though.  What I was really excited for were the city cisterns, though.  These used to house the water for the whole city.  It was pretty cool seeing the setting for (*spoiler*) the climax of Dan Brown’s Inferno. Finally, we walked through the Grand Bazaar, which is really a glorified flea market, before getting a small bite to eat.  Oh, and we saw a surprise aqueduct along the way.  Not much more going on for the rest of the evening.  

Underground cisterns

Hagia Sophia

The Blue Mosque

The tombs of young princes

Alright, so now we are on to the last leg of the trip.  We went to the airport to hop over to Athens… literally, we were going in a puddle hopper.  I may have been in a prop plane before, but I honestly don’t remember it.  I even got to have the window seat right by the engine- some cool photos ensued.  We traveled with an interesting set of characters, including an American diplomat (hopefully she made some progress while she was in town).

Upon arriving in Athens, we of course went to find food.  To our surprise, Turkey was really lacking solid falafel, despite being neighbored by several countries in the Mediterranean that specialize in it. That wasn’t a problem in Athens! We arrived in the afternoon, so some of the sites had closed their entrances early for winter hours. However, we still got to see some cool stuff, including the first arena for the Modern Olympic games (side note- don’t pay to go in, you can see it all from the outside).  We also walked through the city garden and found a little pond with so many turtles!  They had even stacked on one another- super cute.  We then climbed up toward the Acropolis (but not actually to it- that would be for the next day), and watch the sun set over the city.  It was gorgeous.  We walked around the city a bit more, and found some awesome street art. We also found a beer bar, which had some solid brews.

First falafel!

We started the next morning with brunch!  Mariah had a Greek omelet, but I tried something new.  Alas, I again can’t remember the name, but it was basically orzo-esque pasta, tomato sauce, and eggs.  Mix it up, and you have deliciousness on a plate.  We then split Nutella stuffed pancakes.  Yum!  Then we went up the Acropolis.  Yes, it is worth it.  The views are amazing.  Just check out the pics.  We also went to see the agora, which is cool, but probably not entirely worth admission. BTW, despite Greece not having the best economy, they sure know how to price admission to their attractions. They take a page from Disney, and charge the maximum you’re willing to pay, cause, I mean, you’re not going to not see the Acropolis.  As a side note, I was actually surprised at the number of Americans I saw around the city, considering it was Thanksgiving weekend.  We got some souvlaki (basically gyros), which by now you probably know were amazing- you just have to wait in line for an hour or so before getting some.

Pretty excited about having a Greek omelette in Greece!

A view of Hadrian’s Arch and the Temple of Zeus from the Acropolis

That evening, we caught a drink in a cute coffee house that changes décor for the season. We happened to catch them as they changed for the Christmas season.  The drinks were awful, but the atmosphere was really cool.  We then found yet another amazing meal for dinner.  This place was seriously cool, because it was a family deli with a dinner service.  They not only give you free bread, but also pastrami and cheese as a free appetizer. We then ordered some dolmas (basically the first of the whole trip) and bulger salad.  We also had a pastrami egg dish (well, I did) and a Greek salad. Superb!  We then closed with drinks in a trendy bar called the Clumsies. My Celtic Forest drink played with my head a bit, since the ice kinda looks like seaweed.  

Final baklava

A quick stop for Christmas tea

Seaweed cocktail?

The next morning, we went home.  It was particularly interesting, since we (ie, the whole plane) were immediately stopped after landing by border control.  This was very odd since we were traveling from one EU member country to another. Fortunately, we were able to pass with no problems (even though Mariah had to check her hand luggage at the gate so she didn’t have her passport).  At least we made it back in time to join our friends for a belated Friends-giving celebration.    

To say the least, this was an epic trip.  Easily one of the best we’ve had.  While I miss our family, and the traditional food, I loved trying out this Turkey for Thanksgiving, even if it was a bit Greece-y…

…

Ok, that was a bit much.  Tot ziens for now!

[poutypanic]

Introducing The Noodles

Chapter technically 7 of my poly!hanzo and jesse fic. Stand alone chapters. You don't need to read the others to enjoy this one imo. It’s fluff, no warnings. 

AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10464945/chapters/23091327

Fic Summary: You meet the noodle dragons for the first time! A little over 1K

Taking a shower is one of the favorite parts of your day. You’ve got your favorite shower music playing, with your eyes closed, while you sing along to the tune. Badly. Washing your body with a loofah. Completely zoned out, and unaware of the visitors who are making their way into the bathroom. The shower curtain rustles as they poke their heads underneath it. They hook onto the tubs edge and hone in on the brightly colored loofah you are using. They would very much like to have this brightly-colored thing and are going to take it.

One of them slips seamlessly into the tub. Sits in front of you and starts wildly smacking its tail against the floor. This is what finally gets your attention. Your body jolts as your eyes focus in on… a small cat? A ferret? A weasel? No; that’s a dragon. In the shower with you. A small fluffy headed dragon. Have you lost your mind?

Another one shimmies up your leg. You hadn't been expecting the first one to be sitting in front of you, and you certainly didn't expect a second one. So you yelp and crash into the shower wall. Their nails feel prickly but, to your relief, are not painful. The dragon snatches the loofah out of your hand and bolts. You stand in stunned silence, as the other one takes off after them. Leaving you alone once again in the shower. And now you're thinking, okay; uh, what the hell?

Grabbing a hold of the curtain, you throw it back and step out of the shower, wrap a towel around your body, and make your way out into the bedroom. Here you find the two little thieves fighting over the right to play with their contraband. Droplets of water and soap flying in all different directions with each tug and pull. One of them tugs so harshly that the momentum flings the other one into the bed.

The dragons not fazed. Gets right back up and continues its pursuit in becoming the sole possessor of their stolen toy. A little slack jawed, you've been watching quietly. And are now starting to wonder if someone might have slipped something into your tea. Silently, you make your way into the living room where Jesse and Hanzo are lounging, watching TV.

Jesse can already tell that something is up. He raises his eye brows, “Somethin' wrong, Sugar?”

It hadn’t occurred to you just how strange you must look. With suds still running down your legs, coating your shoulders, and conditioner in your hair. You narrow your eyes at Hanzo, having a sneaking suspicion about where these creatures have appeared from.

You point towards the bedroom, “Um, what the hell guys.”

“Your gonna hav’ta give us more information than that, Sweet Heart.”

“Could either of you possibly explain to me why two small dragons just jumped into my shower and stole my loofah?”

Hanzo starts cracking up, “I hadn't realized they had gotten loose.”

Jesse says, “How’d ya not realize the critters had left your body?”

Hanzo shrugs, “It happens.”

“Those’r his spirit dragons, Hun, remember? We told you 'bout those.”

“No, no, no. You guys told me tales about these big ol' powerful spirit dragons that were terrifying and ruined lots of bad guys' days! Not about the two little brats that are tearing apart my loofah right now.”

Hanzo hops up off of the couch, “I shall retrieve your loofah.”

Now that you are over your initial shock, you start to giggle. This is all just so silly. You don’t actually care about the loofah; the dragons can keep it. You’re still baffled that neither Jesse or Hanzo had thought to let you know the dragons could manifest in this way.

“Have they always been able to do this? Appear in this form?”

Hanzo nods as he leans into the bedroom door way. He snaps his fingers, and says a command in Japanese. “Come here. Hand that over.”

One of the dragons trots into view. The creature is holding the luffa in their mouth. Still sopping wet, and dripping water all over the floor. The dragon drops it at Hanzo’s feet.

You are so baffled, “What? Why have I never seen them like this before?”

Hanzo picks up the luffa and brings it to you.

“They don’t usually show up around people they are not comfortable with. You should be flattered. This means they like you.”

“Invading my shower and stealing my shit means they like me?”

Hanzo and Jesse both laugh. Hanzo answers, “Yes, that is exactly what that means.”

You look back at Jesse who’s still seated. One of the dragons scurries past your feet and hops up into his lap. Tries to get their teeth around the brim of his hat.

“Uh-uh! That ain’t for you, you little scoundrel.”

The dragon has a tiny fit. Jumps up and down against his chest. Then tugs at Jesse’s beard, before leaping back off of his lap. They run to Hanzo and climb up the length of his body. Settles around his neck. Hanzo grins and scratches the little creature underneath their chin.

“Taro, you shouldn't bite the man that feeds all of the scraps that you beg for.”

“Stingy little bastard.”

The other one must be Kimi. One thing Hanzo had let you know was their names. And now you’re looking at the two of them wondering how the hell he can tell them apart. Hanzo can sense your confusion and lets you in on the secret.

“Taro’s underbelly is far more gray than Kimi's.” He points to Kimi, “Can you see how theirs is whiter in color?”

Now that he points it out, yes, you can. You’re distracted and still in awe of the little creatures. So you don't notice the line of conditioner falling down your forehead. Hanzo places his index finger above your eyebrow, keeping the rogue line of conditioner from sliding into your eye. That’s when you notice that Hanzo has changed his shirt for the third time today. This one is the worst out of them all. And now you're officially distracted from the dragons.

You look from his chest to his face, “Your shirt is infuriating. I can feel my face getting heated. I need you to take that off and toss it out the window.”

Hanzo flicks the conditioner off of your forehead. Looks down at his shirt with a big grin. It’s one of the more simpler ones. But it’s still just so unsatisfying to look at. It says, “I Insist On Perfection” with the letter N slightly askew

“You don't have to pretend to hate my shirt in order to get me to take it off. All you have to do is ask.”

“You think you’re really charming, huh?”

He places his hands on his hips. Chuckles so hardily that his chest shakes, “Do you not think so?”

You look back at Jesse, who seems to be enjoying not being the one enveloped in a bickering session for once.

Jesse shrugs, “I don’t know what teh tell ya, Darlin. Your the one datin' em.”

“Last time I checked, so are you, Darlin.”    

Jesse gives you two finger guns, “You got me there.”

You're trying really hard to be grumpy, but damn, is it hard. You roll your eyes, but you still have a grin on your face. You walk away intending on getting yourself rinsed off. Taro stays wrapped around Hanzo’s neck. But Kimi starts to trot after you. The dragon stops the moment you stop. Wags their tail back and forth and waits for you to continue.

“What are they doing?”

“The critter just wants teh hang out wit’cha, Sweet Pea.”

Hanzo offers, “Kimi likes water.”

You stare the dragon down. It’s hard to say no to a creature that’s so little and so cute. Fine, Kimi can come with you. You don’t need to pat your thigh, indicating you’d like the dragon to follow. But it seems natural to do so, and Kimi trots with you back into the shower. This time the creature behaves, stays entertained by sitting on top of the faucet. Using their paws and tail to swipe at the water as it falls. Every once in a while, Kimi will lean forward snap at the droplets with their snout.

You don’t end up getting rinsed off as fast as you had intended to, because the dragon is keeping you entertained. When you finally do get done with the shower. You pull back the curtain once again, and find Taro sitting on the counter. Kimi leaps up and tackles them into the sink, and they start to wrestle wildly. Taking casualties in the form of several knocked over toiletries.

You should scold them. But you’d much rather plop down on the toilet seat and watch them tear a part the bathroom. This was definitely far from how you had imagined meeting the dragons would happen. But you’re far from disappointed.