#i was in town w a friend today and they were talking abt their childhood Interests and i was like. huh. bc i realised i never?? Did That???

[aworldofendlesswonder]

.

[clvmtines]

welcome aboard, clementine martinez, student #2. we are excited to set sail with you !  has anyone told you that you look like alexa demie? according to our records, you hail from florida, usa, prefer she / her pronouns, are a cis woman, and are here to study creative writing. we also see you received a spot on the ss university because of your online lottery win — we won’t tell anyone. during your first few weeks here, other students said you were + charming, + free-spirited, but also - restive. it sounds like you spend most of your time at the billiards room. upon checking your luggage, we noticed you packed a casino chip carried around for luck from home. hopefully your roommates don’t steal it!

hi friends! i’m very excited to be here. i’m jay (est, she/her) n i used to play astrid nyland a few months ago if anyone remembers bt i had to leave for personal reasons. i’m so glad to be back now that i hve life sorted and some free time for summer break <3 read on for some details abt this new muse of mine, clementine. 

01. biography !

so ! clementine was born in florida. & yes, her real name is clementine. her mom thot it was the cutest name idea ever. clementine mostly goes by clem. she comes from the town [redacted] in florida bcoz i am too lazy to look up a specific town <3 but alas ! it was swampy and humid and she lived in a trailer park. 

her parents got knocked up at nineteen. clem was born nine months after a particularly wild 1999 fourth of july. her birthday is march 26th and she’s an aries. 

(TW: addiction, child injury) clem’s dad was a gambling addict and petty criminal—he wld steal credit cards n whatnot. he wld gamble away diaper money n it would cause constant fighting until her dad finally left. her mom took this very hard n began drinking a bit too often, leaving clem to to make cereal for dinner n fend for herself. once clem tried to make hot dogs on the stove and spilled boiling water on herself. got a p bad burn on her arm/shoulder and still has a big scar.

the soundtrack of her childhood was cicadas buzzing and stray dogs barking. the sizzle and pop of natty light cans. turning up her ipod to max volume to drown out the sounds of her mother fighting with her new boyfriend.

throughout her upbringing, clem’s dad was always in and out of the picture. he’d blow into town when he hit it big. he’d take her on these little “adventures” like staying in a motel 6 n renting movies at block buster n ordering good pizza nt the dominos shit she ate with her mom lol. ofc he was charging it all to someone’s stolen credit card. he’d always promise to, like, take clem away. n clem was a daddy’s girl so she believed him. the last time it happened was her h.s. graduation. her mom didn’t show ( "overslept” after a bender ) but her dad did and surprised her n said everything wld be different. bt then he bailed on their plans for the next day n when she called his cell, the number was disconnected. tht was the defining “i’m done” moment. clem promised to never be disappointed by her father again.

(TW: racism) her mother has mexican ancestry and clem’s always been called her twin. but clem was raised in a predominately white area and honestly ?? it was really hard without her even realizing it. she’s still unpacking a lot of things today abt her youth that jst weren’t okay bt she thought were normal. like microaggressions, stereotypes, being fetishized by boys in high school. gross shit.

as a kid, clem was rumored to be really poor bc she wore tattered clothes n got free lunch at school. once she invited a friend to her house & the next day they told everyone it’s in a trailer park. that reputation—the “trailer park girl”—was really hard to shake. and clem got almost desperate to shake it. she was endlessly trying to set her old self on fire and emerge from the ashes like a phoenix.

eventually clem became more “popular”. in school she was, like, a straight b student. very average although super creative and quick-thinking. she always had street smarts. problem solving skills. independence. more of, like, practical intelligence as opposed to book smarts because academia bores her tbh. she was like why am i reading these overrated boring books by dead white men or learning abt polynomials when i know nothing abt how to pay a mortage or do taxes. like...she saw the american education system as bullshit and put in modest effort because she didn’t believe it deserved her sweat and tears. 

however, she entered the online lottery for the seas program on a whim and got in. so she’s studying creative writing now.

02. personality !

first thing you shld know abt clem is that she’s a compulsive liar essentially—she tells various stories to make her life seem better than what it was. to one person, she’s an heiress to a real estate company and grew up wealthy. to the next she was raised by nomadic hippies. some of her lies are small fibs while others are grandiose tales. she rarely talks about her actual upbringing. she hates talking abt her family or the v real trauma of growing up in a household where both parents struggled w/ addiction; the uncertainty, the broken promises, the fact that she had to grow up so soon and deal w/ so much. it wasn’t fair, and if she thinks about it too much, she feels this anger. anger at the universe. anger at her circumstances. she doesn’t know where to put this anger. she doesn’t know how to shrink it. so she avoids it.

despite her rough upbringing, though, clem is actually really sweet and kind. she’s adventurous, fun-loving, free-spirited, and bold. 

bt ! she can also be closed-off, competitive and restive. 

she’s seemingly tight with everyone? like she’s jst that girl who can get along with anyone tbh. 

in her spare time you can catch her tanning by the pool, hanging at the bar, playing pool ( which she learned from her dad ), and socializing. she’ll never say no to hanging out with people. 

she learned a lot from her little “adventures” with her dad, who was very good at conning others and often involved her in his dumb little scams. clem is suuuper good at pulling the ‘im baby 🥺’ card to get what she wants.

she can be a little selfish, because she grew up looking out for herself. 

stubborn and dogmatic as hell !!!

she doesn’t do too many relationships but when she does fall, i imagine she falls hard and fast. she refuses to be made a fool of, tho. when she gets vulnerable she flashes back to being a kid, waiting all day for her dad to show up only to have him bail on her. again. she hates that feeling. so if she, like, senses a shift in someone’s energy she’ll b like, “i’ll break up with u before u can do it to me” and the person wasn’t even tryna dump her lmao.

has a lot of sex. too much ?? sex?? mayb. but she’s v sex positive.

her personal style is v late 90s. hair clips, big scrunchies, neon, fur trim, crop and tube tops, hoop earrings, chokers, patterns, platform shoes, biodegradable glitter cuz it’s good fr the earth *winks*. clothes from o-mighty.......actually jst google o mighty, pull up the images and That is clem. she dresses like a bratz doll. she’s dedicated to the aesthetic.

03. headcanons !

her item brought from home is a hot pink poker chip from a casino. her dad gave it to her. he said it reminded him of her because of the color; he got it during one of his winning streaks and said it was lucky. she has a complicated relationship w/ her dad n doesn’t even speak to him anymore, bt she will never go anywhere without it.

she’s a smol bean—only 5′4

an astrology girl and she reads palms ! she absolutely makes astrology tik toks that people only watch because she’s hot. her flirting technique is to ask you to read your palm.

she doesn’t typically drink to get drunk. but she does love a good sugary cocktail. to her, a drink is like an accessory. a blue fishbowl by the pool, a jack and coke as she stands around a bar. usually she'll nurse the same beverage for a while. if you see her wasted it usually means she’s going thru it emotionally lol. the one thing she does do is drugs tho 

pretty much listens to exclusively female artists.

a bit of an activist. environmentalism, feminism and the like, she’s v outspoken. vegan for ethical reasons (TW: drugs) bt still does cocaine. she wears shirts with ‘my pussy my choice’ bedazzled on the front.

loves to rollerblade ! back home she didn’t have a car so she’d bike or rollerblade. now she still has her blades and she’ll use them when the ship docks. 

03. wanted connections !

Friends, bffs, ride or dies, friends who are like siblings to her, maybe a friend with an unrequited crush on either side ??

an ex she dumped/cheated on/otherwise self sabotaged their relationship because she was afraid of vulnerability.

an ex friend who realized she lies a lot abt herself n felt betrayed. OH ! ESP if they opened up to her on many occasions abt intimate, personal stuff. imagine the betrayal they felt when they found that everything they thought they knew abt clem is a lie.

someone who she actually opens up to. a confidant. or, maybe, like, a stranger she drunkenly spilled her soul to and now she avoids them like the plague.

a rival. clem can be competitive.

her drug dealer 

someone she knows she shouldn’t hook up with and�� does it anyways. like a friend’s ex or smthing. spicy <3

i welcome anything !

[justpar]

i dnt feel like looking for it bt i saw a post a few hours ago that was written in yt tumblr inspo fanfic dialect, that was talking abt how we try to take perfect ethereal photos bt the ppl who love us love the photos that are unposed and imperfect and "show the real you" bt mb its bc i live in an arts college town and specifically in a scene of only younghotartistperformermusicianDJ's (that's not a list, that's each person) and also im feeling sad and bitter and neglected and very ugly bc of work and weird work gender shit and

but like, it's rly not true. i dnt mean this in a superficial instagram fans strangers on the internet kinda way, i mean it literally, my friends who take good pictures and do photoshoots w each other hang out w each other more, make new friends more easily, are checked in on, followed thro on, given money and opportunities, more. and like i get that "building a social media presence is time and work" bt also pbbbtttt

like i guess it would be different if i were in the situation i was in governor's school, where everyone knew where to find each other and also we were all young and spritely and full of love and energy and bewildered to have found ourselves there, or if i had any joyful connections frm idk i guess childhood, instead of constantly trying to convince ppl to follow thro on hanging out, to spend enough time in the same space to actually become friends, to stay in touch, to reach out.

im jst sad and bitter today. i go to events and say outloud that im glad i came and thats its so nice and important to see everyone, and there's enough of that that's true that keeps me going to them and true enough to be worth saying it to make my friend feel good, bt its also true that there's an amount that's being said out of rote, and out of trying to put /something/ in the happiness tally box.

idk how long its been since ive felt joy. i feel like i keep waiting, to feel freer in my body and my movements, to show myself more, to meet someone who's enthusiastic abt me

[transbcyfriend]

Every Question >:3

well Shit ig now bc i’m Required By Law to answer these i gotta

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

yes – and god am i grateful.

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

i mean i’m 18 so uhhhhhhhhh yeah

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

…yesterday? the day before?

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

i do it all the time at work so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

i wouldn’t say mad.

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

too many to count!

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

a legend of zelda hoodie and a wild patterned set of lounge pants from pink republic. i haven’t changed in several days i’m uh Sick

8. How often do you listen to music?

if i don’t do it every single day it’s scientifically proven i’ll shrivel up and die

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

jeans. jeans definitely.

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?

it did at the time, and not for the better. fuck that shit

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

mmMMMMMmMMM depends on the situation?? if i’m like clocked in at work, if i’m somewhere i actively enjoy, or on The Web™, i’m social, but otherwise i don’t rlly interact with ppl hnfngnf

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

not yet.

13. What about ‘R’?

nope!

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

can i get a FUCK NO

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

depends on the person. someone i’m close to and like? yes. someone who i’m not close to and dislike? nah.

16. Are you going out of town soon?

nope.

17. When was the last time you cried?

mmmmMMMMMM a few days ago? few days ago.

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

yes.

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

HMMMM y’know i don’t think i would, mine are like ?? hazel and ppl make comments abt them being diff colors n shit in certain lights sometimes and i Like That so

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

in fact, yes! i would uh Die For Him

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

i’m sick and can’t breathe

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

YOU KNOW I BE ON THAT GAY SHIT !!!!!

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

nope

24. What are you sitting on right now?

a wooden chair

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

yep!

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

oh yeah. god yeah.

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

@lazybones25 

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

no, not rlly. last time i got sick was … sophmore year of hs? junior year? i don’t remember.

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

it was a gift from my buddy bri

30. Does anyone hate you?

there’s at least one i can think of off the top of my head, soooooo yeah

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

noooo, me? drink? me, a consumer of alcohol. ur pullin’ my leg, i don’t drink

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

i’m just Meh on it bc most movies nowadays are so played out and predictable that they’re just not scary to me

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

kinda, yeah. it’s an on/off want, still deciding.

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

just one? fuck. any of the years between being 13-16.

35. Did you have a dream last night?

actually i did! i had a dream i lost my job bc one of my managers was in a bad mood and was basically like “well u should’ve thought more abt your career than ur education, ur fired since u wanna go 2 college, can’t change ur hours��

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

few hours ago.

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

mmmm … unlikely.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

yep.

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

i’d hope so! don’t gotta be, but it’d be cute and i’d Like That

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

it was ok – i spiraled into being sick, but it was ok

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

yeah

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

unlikely.

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

yep.

44. What’s the best part about school?

mmm mM MM prolly just making friends w/ ppl in ur classes. that, and just how chill the professors are. 

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

fun fact – i don’t have a facebook.

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

fuck yeah my guy

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

way too often

48. Were you single over the last summer?

nope.

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

absolutely not and god i’m rlly happy abt that

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

looking when college classes start again but i Don’t Wanna

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

i’d be lying to ur face if i said yes

52. Are you nice to everyone?

i try to be – some ppl tho, i just. can’t. there’s reasonable salt.

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yep!

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

i’ve done it before, i don’t see why not.

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

when the situation calls for it, i’d like to think so

56. Do you think you like someone?

mhmm

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?

…… y’know i don’t think i have! that’s surprising i’ve kissed a lotta ppl

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

tbh p much the only ppl i tend to never rlly make friends with are cis guys. there’s rare exceptions, but the vast majority of my buddies are either cis girls or trans/nonbinary/etc.

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

yep – a few of them. not many, but a few.

60. Do you hate anyone?

i wouldn’t say hate, but there’s a couple of ppl i severely dislike.

61. How’s your heart?

atm? better. better than usual, i’m rlly glad abt that

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

anytime from being 12-17

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?

yeah.

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

i ain’t gonna say names buuuuuuut Someone I Know

65. Are your toenails painted pink?

they’re painted a dark wine red actually, i uh got bored

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

best decision of my life, if anything

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?

from my own Personal Experience, kinda? i mean every person i’ve been w/ kinda likes it bc it’s like, i’m letting my walls down and letting them in, so i mean ig

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

thankfully no!

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

@lazybones25

70. How do you look right now?

surprisingly decent for feeling icky

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

just two – but i’m content w/ that.

72. Can you commit to one person?

under the right circumstances, ya – otherwise i gotta dip

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

my roommate @stasiroowho

74. Have you ever felt replaced?

can i get a Hell Yeah and It Hurts

75. Did you wake up cranky?

no, i just woke up wanting attention and feeling Blah

76. Are you a jealous person?

hhMHMhmMMHMHM depends ?? ? ? if we’re talking from a relationship perspective, like i don’t give a shit if the other person wants to like, make a shitton of buddies and like actually Have A Life, that’s good, but when it comes to like, romance specifically? then i’m just. m i n e

77. Are relationships ever worth it?

very rarely, but some are and god is it so fucking satisfying in every aspect

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

yeah.

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

can i get a HOOYAHHHH

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

go to the apartment and uh Feed Cats

81. Last person you cried in front of?

do i rlly gotta @ my homeboi ash a 3rd time

82. Is there someone you will never forget?

in a good way or a bad way?

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

yeee – in a good way tho

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

probably either just chillin’ watching netflix and eating chips/popcorn, or gettin’ heated while also shotgunning that good good

85. Are you over your past?

CAN I GET A FUCK NO

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

yeah

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

just two! and two’s a good number, i’m happy w/ that.

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

i’d immediately murder him on the spot. i’d still take the gifts off his corpse tho bc hey Free Shit

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

ya – i do trust that one, he made me breakfast one time so i wouldn’t burn my own house down, he a tru homie

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

uuuhhhhhhh-huh

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

highly likely

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

i used to! he was the Popular Kid™ back in high school, who fuckin’ knows where he’s at now

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

when i was like 4, yeah, we were each other’s childhood crush so uh shrugs

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

nope! things were getting heavy, but no relationship yet.

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?

absolutely.

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

hmmmmmmmmaybe

97. Who do you have texts from?

in general? my mom, ash, 3 coworkers, one of my managers, my one tru buddy from the womb @infinitelycastiel, and my buddy lynette.

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

i mean ?? i’d b upset, i’d b depressed, i’d b a lil torn up abt it, but i ain’t gonna stop whatever happens from happening. not my choice to

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

ya – not too much older, but ya

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?

AAAAAAAALL BY MY, SEEEEEEEEEE-EEEE-EEEEEEEEELF

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

fun fact: no

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?

yEP