#i was in another fandom awhile back and i got Relatively popular there too. it happened with hylics aswell. both have died down now but

[minophus]

my ego gets so Horribly stroked whenever i'm referred to at all as a 'popular artist'

[annakie]

Notes on a Blog Cleanup (& some other stuff) Part 4

Made it all the way back to  to page 1000. 

Started with 3021 pages.  Currently have 2954 pages, adding in posting 10 - 13 times a day for the last month... deleted somewhere around 87 pages of posts (or around 1300 total).  I’m in April 2015.  So it took two and a half years to do 50% of my posting here and nearly another year and a half to get that down to 2/3rds. It’ll just speed up from here.

Anyway, here’s a bunch of words about tumblr, fandom, and Doctor Who.

I’ve found myself deleting more news articles lately.  There’s almost no cringe-y stuff left. If I go back and do this again it’ll be even more deleting current events stuff unlessI connected to it somehow.

A LOT of the content creation I ever did happened in this time.  I did so much giffing for Who’s Line, a lot of video game stuff, especially Mass Effect, cause you know, it’s me, and a lot of edits and such.  Some way better quality than others.  I was also getting thousands of notifications a day from the few things I did that were really popular back then (still sometimes get notes on that Whose Line/Elmo/Game of Thrones gifset to this day).   

I know I’m not like, the best at gifs and edits, but hey, I think some of it is like, pretty good?  There’s a few things I’m a little sad about that just never took off, but I bet all people who try and post OC on Tumblr feel that way about some of their stuff.  A few things I made did surprisingly well, though.

I still will make the odd gif/photoset there that’s more than just “here’s some nice screenshots I took slightly edited” but honestly, I feel like these days it’s so hard to get many notes on tumblr at all?  Like there’s just so fewer people making stuff, and even less reblogging gifsets/photosets?  Idk, maybe it’s something more specific to my overall followers and who you all follow?  But I made a joking post a couple of days ago about my dash feeling weird because not everything is specifically tailored to me after scrolling through my blog, but on the OTHER hand, I also feel like, overall Tumblr has become just yet another place to post memes and text posts and has the big problem of the Reddit/Twitter/Tumblr/Instagram (+TickTock) circle where each place is like 50% screenshots/reposts of content the others?  This obviously isn’t a criticism of any actual people, but just... what tumblr has become the last year or two?  Is it just me?  Like you can find some gifsets and such with a couple thousand notes here and there but... just not as much is being produced now?  Does that make sense?

Like a month or two ago I spent a couple of hours specifically looking for good general fandom blogs specific to several fandoms I’m in and... it’s hard to even find those blogs anymore.  Like, “fuckyeah” type blogs that are someone’s sideblog about a specific topic.  And hey, believe me, I’ve created and abandoned several of these kinds of blogs on my time here (and at least one I’d keep up with but.. it just doesn’t have any content being generated for it so it’s just... sparse) so I get it.  Maybe I’m just not looking in the right places, I don’t know.  

I keep wondering how much longer I’m going to keep doing this little project, and then every 10 or pages I come across a post I didn’t tag properly that’s now been found, or something I just really wanna get off my blog and I’m like “Welp, when I stop finding these, I’ll stop looking.  So maybe in like, 2018. :p  LIterally finding posts I forgot I ever made in the first place and like has made it worth it.

Notes on TAH Fandom

This was also the phase of being heavily heavily like SO heavily into The Thrilling Adventure Hour.  And I have a lot of thoughts on that, too.

Literally, one of the best decisions of my life, tbh.  Not every moment of being like a SuperFan of this thing was sunshine and roses, but most of them really were.  Honestly, I made such good friends.  I had some extraordinary experiences, doing things that I wouldn’t have otherwise done, for sure.  I traveled to Seattle, Chicago, New York twice, and LA three times, hanging out with new friends, and getting to know the cast of a thing I loved so much, and also somehow getting to be known by them as well.  There were things that happened that I didn’t blog about here because I never wanted to come off as braggy, or just to keep a confidence.  There were a few not-as-great things that happened during that time, but basically, 2014 through mid-November 2015 will likely go down as one of the best time periods of my life, for a lot of reasons, but a good chunk of that was the experiences I had through TAH.

Hoo boy though, I blogged about it a LOT.  Like, it felt like almost as much as early blog was about Doctor Who.  I was, uh, real enthusiastic and am now kinda regretful about some of those early fandom tags.  Also turns out some of the TAH people looked at my blog more than I knew, I think, so a little yikes there thinking back on it now.  But also I was kind and helpful a lot, so all of that was good.

This is a good recap post of all of the awesome stuff.  And even that glosses over a lot of the really cool stuff, or skirts around some of it, just to try and stay brief about it.

One of the big things I learned from that experience was that being a very involved person in a fandom is such a double-edged sword.  For one thing, it honestly became somewhat of a second job for me, which I 100% put upon myself.  But running FYTAH (with Shannon!) and admining/writing a large percentage of the TAH Wiki (with Ange!), working in the booths at conventions (with Jena + Shannon/Kitty/Jamie/Dani) and being available to help in a variety of other ways was A Lot.  Which again, I took on willingly.  And Ange warned me about it several times but I was like “No I want to do this.”  So then it also kind of turned into like a customer service job even outside of working at the cons.  After awhile you gotta smile and be nice allllll the time. I ended up taking a lot of things offline to a small subset of friends.  And most of that came from other fans, not from the show itself (except like, feeling like I couldn’t show my true disappointment when the show was ending, or feeling like I couldn’t air any criticisms I had about the show except in very private conversations.)  

At one point I was having an email conversation with a couple of those friends and realized that, for the first time in my life, I was like a “popular kid”, which was weird.  And I tried my damnedest to be as welcoming and inclusive and not to let anyone feel left out.  But also there’s a point where like, you can only take on so much, and you can only be actual friends with so many people?   You can be kind and welcoming and enthusiastic and all, but you only have so much time and energy to give away.  There were so many messages I never answered still sitting in my / the FYTAH inbox or in email and some on twitter because I just didn’t have the bandwidth to give away sometimes.  It was a weird lesson to learn because I knew it so well in general in my personal life, but had never had to apply it... in this way before?  Does that sound weird?  Or braggy?  I feel like I’m walking on land mines with this one.

For a more specific example of what I mean, in March, 2015 ten of us rented a house and lived in it for a long weekend for the TAH 10th anniversary show + a fun getaway vacation. Everyone invited was someone I knew or were close with someone else in the group.  A few more people had been invited but couldn’t afford it, so word got around a little bit.  And it was AMAZING.  But I later heard that there were a few people, most of whom I didn’t really know, were hurt that they weren’t invited.  Jena and I spent dozens of hours and put a lot of financial risk into being the custodians of the trip for even the ten of us, and it was a huge undertaking.  It was never meant to be a thing for the entire fandom, just a group of people who were already friends.  But there was still a small kerfluffle from a few people about it.  Which, I TOTALLY get feeling bad about being left out but... it was always supposed to be a relatively small thing, never any kind of “Official Fandom Get Together”.  And we definitely didn’t have the time/money/ability to host an “open call for anyone to come” type thing.  Just coordinating 10 people (and about 25 - 30 overall getting together to hang out at designated times over the weekend) was... more than enough.

At one point sometime later people started suggesting that we organize and hold an actual TAH-Con and I... let that one pass me by without really talking about it.  It was definitely too much, and even then I knew it.  And I mean, the shadow of Dashcon was still hanging over all fandoms heavily in those days.  I wasn’t about to become the next Dashcon.  It never got past a few emails being passed around.

So yeah, to be honest, if I could go back and do those years again, I absolutely would, it was like 95% awesomeness.  But I think in regards to some of the fandom-specific things, I’d be a little less of a doormat, and I’d be a little more careful about spreading myself too thin.

So now that the show is “back”, I am enjoying listening to it, and I’ll reblog some things or post big news on FYTAH, but I’ve been lazy about even helping out with the wiki (I keep meaning to get back to it, Ange is still doing great) because... although I’m still a HUGE fan, I also am gonna be more laid back about it now.  

I also haven’t REALLY loved a thing in the same way since TAH.  The closest there has been is Critical Role, and I’ve been real careful to stay out of any actual fandom stuff there.  I really love the thing, but I’m gonna keep with my group of 5 or 6 other fans I already know (all from other fandoms) who love the thing too, and stay out of wider discussions.  With some of the stuff happening there lately, it was a good decision.  

Wow, that was a lot of words.  Sorry. 

Hey one last thing to catch up on.

Doctor Who Rewatch 2019!

I’m now already at 6x01, into the Silence episodes.

So I did finally rewatch the Desert Bus episode that I hated so much before and like... this time... it was fine?  Cheesy and all, but not so bad that I should have hated it as much as I did?  Also noticed the Doctor doing the classic “gonna hit on this girl really hard in the beginning then drop her so quick at the end” thing to the companion of the week.  Ah, Ten.  The most bi-polar of all Doctors.  I’m gonna be honest, I decided to skip on through Waters of Mars because I realized I was just ready to be done with Ten at that point.  I’ll probably go back to it at some point but I wasn’t ready for another Ten Temper Tantrum, maybe the worst one of all, in that episode.

So I finished Ten (and oh man that whole two-parter to end Ten with... like the whole Master plotline is such a stinker.  The first half, in particular, is so bad, the only really good scene is the one in the cafe with Wilf.  The rest of it... wow.  Wasn’t that whole thing written like the week before filming and never really edited or something? IDK.)  The last half hour or so is really good though, with Ten’s sacrifice (after a tantrum) and then all the companion goodbyes (except Joan Redfern’s granddaughter, bleh).  

But yay, on to Eleven and Amy and Rory and more River!

Season Five is... wow it starts off strong and really stalls there in the middle for a bit.  Picks back up a bit with Rory returning, then somehow has two great episodes without Rory and ends strong, though the first pretty nonsensical Moffat-era “this doesn’t make sense but it looks and sounds so good you don’t care, right?” season arc and ending.  Season six, I’m already remembering, is way, way worse for that.  But anyway.  Rory remains my second favorite companion ever.  And episodes with Amy, Rory and River continue to be my favorites.  Also? Matt Smith is so good.

But even early on in season six I’m remembering how really dumb the overarching plotline is... Moffat is great at “Oh man this will be cool so I’m gonna throw it in there! (and it really is some very cool stuff!) and hope it all makes sense later!  Or just don’t think about it too hard!”

Honestly though, despite all the quibbles, most of the episodes work on an individual level if you don’t think about the the overall arc Moffat is trying to do.  Even those that are a bit sloggy, like the Cold Blood/Hungry Earth two-parter, have enough great moments to justify watching them.  (Ambrose is still maybe one of the worst “regular people” characters to ever be on this show, though.)  There’s still no “Fear Her”.  And that’s pretty good.

Also?  The blog itself is now about as Doctor Who oriented as it is in the last year.  Like... oh the season is airing?  There’s a lot more good stuff to reblog, I’ll reblog good stuff.  Season not airing, a scattered post here and there.  It’s a much better place to be.

After Amy and Rory leave, that was about the end of my true like “Doctor Who Obsession” phase.  On my Blog we’re in the break between Amy and Rory leaving and Clara showing up. I never really clicked with Clara, I think like a lot of people.  Like I really liked the season with Danny, but after that season I never really rewatched episodes, so I’m looking forward to getting there and experiencing some stuff again for the second time.  

[spyder-m]

Shumako Week, Day Two: Rumour Has It

@shumakoweek​ Day Two: Power Couple

AO3

Summary: When word gets about Makoto and Ren’s relationship, the Student Council President earns a surprising reputation. 

A/N: My first foray into the Persona 5 fandom! I’ve been wanting to contribute something for awhile now and when I saw that Shumako week was coming up, I jumped at the chance. 

Took a bit of inspiration from the P5 Manga Anthology for this one. There's a chapter where one of the student council members sees Makoto reading a weapons catalogue in the library and freaks out, thinking being friends with Ren/Ann/Ryuji has turned her into a delinquent.

Anyway, hope you enjoy!

.

"Did you hear? Apparently Niijima-senpai and that transfer student are dating." 

"Huh? F- for real? How do you know?"

"I heard from Takao-senpai they've been spending time together in the Red Light District."

"What? But why would the Council President want to date that punk criminal?" 

"He must be blackmailing her or something. There's no other way."

"I dunno. Have you noticed that lately, Niijima-senpai seems kind of... scary?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"I mean, she's always been strict. But nowadays, if she gets pissed off, she gets this crazy, murderous glare in her eyes. I swear, I never noticed how intense they are before."

"No way. Y-you mean, she's been influenced?"

"I guess. She'd have to be kind of a badass to be able to keep a criminal like that in line."

.

The rumours of her and Ren had spread through Shujin like wildfire.

While Makoto was familiar with the gossip shared among students, it had been some time since she'd been part of the conversation.  

She could feel their eyes lingering as she walked through the grounds. An uncomfortable weight, bearing upon her spine. Whenever she glanced over her shoulder, they would slip away, hidden among the crowd.

She was worried, initially, that maybe they’d been found out.

That their circle of friends, past victims of Kamoshida and Kaneshiro, would have stood out as suspicious. After all, it had been relatively easy for her to confirm her suspicions back when she’d first investigated the group. If their connection to Yusuke was uncovered, it would only incriminate them further.

But, from what she'd heard from Ann and Ryuji, there had rumours about her before. Talk of her playing teacher's pet to Principal Kobayakawa or overlooking Kamoshida's abuse.

They'd never stood out to her, though. Perhaps she'd never cared to pay attention.

These days, with their time spent regularly scouring palaces, Makoto, was more in tune to her surroundings, having to be prepared for the moment a shadow might strike them by surprise. Suddenly, she was conscious of even the slightest whisper of her name carrying from a stranger's lips. The lowered voices, and subtle glances should have been easy to ignore. Yet, as the rumours continued to spread, they bled together, building into an overwhelming cacophony.

"I heard that she's part of a biker gang."

"One of the council members said that they saw knuckle dusters in her bag."

"They were at the Red Light District- She got into a fight with some Host."

Makoto sighed, it seemed she was earning herself something of a reputation.

She'd like to think her time in the Metaverse, awakening to Johanna, had changed her. She was more confident, carrying herself with a sense of purpose and belonging she hadn't realised was lacking before.

And as much as Makoto wanted to pass these rumours of as exaggeration; that this change in her was all the students were noticing; she knew there was a thread of truth to each of them.

She had been keeping a catalogue from Untouchables on her, wanting to take of the customisable weapons Iwai-san offered. There was a chance it had slipped out doing one of her Council meetings. She'd also been studying up on Motorcycle handbooks, hoping to one day get a real licence. That likely had sparked the biker gang rumour.

Still, upon learning that the rumours weren't as dangerous as she'd initially feared, Makoto decided it would best to leave them be. She had more important matters to focus on, after all.

Making her way across the second floor, Makoto noticed the Newspaper Club's member lingering outside one of the classrooms. Remembering that she had some business with her, Makoto approached.

"Excuse me?"

"Eh? Niijima-senpai?!" She said as she turned, eyes bulging and face ashen.

"Sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you might be able to submit expenditure report for the Newspaper Club to me today?"

The girl wilted beneath her, like a weed shriveling in the sunlight.

"O- of course, Niijima-senpai. I can- I can fetch it right now!"

Before Makoto had a chance to reassure her that wasn't necessary, she had turned and practically sprinted off in the opposite direction.

Under normal circumstances, Makoto would have reprimanded her for running in the halls. Instead, she could only watch, expression wrinkled in confusion.

"Well, you certainly seem popular." A voice teased, a figure stepping out from Classroom 2-E.

"Ren?"

His gaze shifted down the hall, just catching the retreating form of the Newspaper Club member.

"You know, for someone interested in Journalism, you'd think she'd actually take the time to try and fact check some of these rumours." He smirked.

"I would have thought that after everything with Kamoshida this kind of gossip would die down." Makoto sighed, fingers kneading against her temple.

“How did you ever get anything done with this constantly following you around?"

Ren shrugged, adjusting his bag over his shoulder. "You get used to it."

"Not me. There's no way I'll be able to focus in the library today. Not with all that chatter."

Ren's eyes softened, the subtle curve of his lips lighting up his features.

"Need a study partner? We could always use Leblanc."

The offer awoke a flood of tempting memories for Makoto. Thoughts of perfectly brewed coffee and pop quizzes in the attic, braced against a warm, familiar chest. Lips peppering her with soft kisses for every question she answered correctly. The ever-present, unspoken promise of studying more outside of what was in their textbooks.

Thought it best to study at home, where she could devote work with all her attention. Lately her mind tended to wander, often questioning the purpose of her education. The cafe, and a certain barista, offered a far more welcome distraction.

Her eyes closed, a contented smile gracing her lips.

"I'd like that."

"It's a date, then."

No sooner had the words left his throat, then the Newspaper Club President came running back towards them, stack of papers in hand. Her head was bowed as she held them out, eyes never quite meeting Makoto's.  

"Here you go, Niijima-senpai! I'm sorry for taking so long!"

"O- oh. No, that's... fine, really." Makoto assured, taking them. "Thank you."

On the plus side, it seemed she wouldn’t have to spend as much time chasing up club members. Ren watched with a knowing glint in his eye, as if reading that she had found enjoyment in her new reputation. She could feel the heat working its way through her cheeks.

"Anyway,” Makoto cleared her throat. “I'll just drop these off and we can go."

"Sure, lead the way." Ren said, slipping his arm around her waist.

The gesture came naturally and was one that Makoto had grown intimately familiar with. Perhaps too much so, as she leaned reflexively into him, moulding to the warmth and shape of his body.

That they were in school and not the private alcove of Leblanc’s attic; were such affection was normally reserved; drifted momentarily from her mind, as they moved through the halls.

It wasn’t until they stopped before the Student Council Room that she realised, his touch suddenly searing through her like a blast of Zio.

"Ren, what are you doing?" Makoto exclaimed, pushing him away. Her eyes darted frantically across the hall.  

"What?" Ren asked, feigning innocence. "I mean, it's already out in the open. There's much not much point in trying to hide anymore."

"S- still, I-."

Her voice broke into a soft, strangled cry as Ren slipped back into her line of sight, with a swiftness and grace she'd normally attribute to Joker. His face lingered inches away from her own, grey eyes piercing and voice a low rumble.

"I've been waiting all day for this." He uttered, his hand snaking around the back of her neck and pulling her lips against his own.

Makoto was overcome by the urge to push him away. Yet she found her thoughts dissipating under the soft pressure of his kiss. Her hands instead bunching in the lapels of his blazer, shifting upward to tousle his hair.

She had been waiting too.

In their private moments together, she had been steadily growing bolder and more comfortable in expressing her feelings. This seemed to be the next, logical step.

While she felt self-conscious about the gathering crowd of gawking students, the knowledge that their relationship was out in the open brought her some semblance of relief. The realisation that they would no longer have to worry, or constantly be on guard, wary of where they were. Instead, simply being able to surrender to one another without a care.

That was, until…

"It was true after all!"

"Do you see that! Miss President is blushing!"

Pulling away from Ren, Makoto turned towards the offending voices, levelling them with a menacing glare; one normally only reserved for unfortunate shadows.  

"Is there something I can help you with?"

"Oh, shit!"

[mechanicalinertia]

STMPD Attempts To Plan 2023

In case you haven't caught on yet, I make posts like this more to plan out what I want to do for myself, as a fanfiction writer, than spoil what's next in the ol' pipeline. I'm discovering what comes next for this year at approximately the same rate you are.

And... look. I think I'm going to be much busier than I was in 2022. This year is going to be a part of my life where I undergo a lot of big changes, make a lot of big moves, and hopefully don't fuck up too badly in between all of that. Bearing that in mind, my new year's resolution was simply to write less fanfiction and write more real fiction for real people. And given circumstances, I'll probably end up fulfilling that imperative.

But I'll still produce content. It will be smaller, less ambitious, but it'll still be there. I'll still be here. So let's go over what I could work on:

Anatomy Of A Lovedoll: Ha. Could work on? Oh, STMPD, you silly goose. I need to finish this goddamn thing. I have one big epic fight scene to hack out, goodness only knows how long that will take, then one super-short epilogue and I'll have a really good Bubblegum Crisis fanfiction actually finished! Of course, I have to get that fight scene finished first, and that's tricky right now for some reason. I don't know why, but the blow-by-blow just isn't coming to me organically. I'm not giving up on it, but I could stand to work harder on this piece. It's worth finishing, it really is. It's one of the things I'm unironically glad I wrote. I just got to give it one final push.

Divine Patronage: I used to think this was a fic with a lot of views: then I saw how many views Edgerunners fics can get, and realized that I don't know what I'm talking about. Ranma is an old fandom, certainly not a dead one but not a big one by any means. But I haven't stopped having ideas for adventures Urd and Ranma could go on together. Urusei Yatsura, Tenchi Muyo, Patlabor, Dominon... all these 80's and 90's anime that just call out for silly crossovers where Ranma and some cute girl can save the day together. So I need to get back to this one, but is that what I really want to do after Anatomy? Or do I want to try something else? Such as:

Witch of Tranquility: This, actually, was my original plan for a sequel to Anatomy, one which looks like it'll take awhile to really get going. I'm less enthusiastic about it compared to when I first drew up the concept, mostly because in my head it leads into several more fics involving more Edgerunners characters doing stuff. In other words, it's a commitment bigger than I'm willing to commit to, at least in my head. Maybe I could write it as a standalone fic, but it's the kind of fic that doesn't end happily, it has a big ol' world-shaking alteration to the state of the world in the 2060's. I was designing it almost predicated on the promise of there being more adventures after it, but who's to say there will be? And even then, the question of whether I should focus on Edgerunners characters or BGC characters looms its head. I had one idea for a Reika Chang-centric fic in the 2060's continuity, and another involving Celia / Sylia's mother coming back from the dead in a manner akin to Prospera Mercury in Gundam, but I don't know if either of those would really work.

As-of-yet-unproduced Fate / Edgerunners crossover fic: A relatively simple idea: David and the Edgerunners crew end up in a Holy Grail War in Night City. David's Sandevistan is magical, has a catalyst and artificial magic circuits implanted in it, etc etc. I came up with this idea in an Edgerunners fanfiction discord, only for the author of motherfucking Group Chat, one of the most popular Edgerunners fanfics out there, to turn out to be a huge Fate-head as well. I said I probably didn't have it in me to write it, and Arrow said he's interested in writing the fanfic. So I could theoretically just act as a creative consultant. Only... several people on forums think the idea is a bad one, and that it should be inspired by Fate/Extra instead, perhaps even eliminating David from the fic entirely. Which, since I know next to nothing about Extra's sub-canon, I don't really want to do. Well, we'll see if anything comes of the project. I'm excited for it, especially since I think David's drives are similar to Shirou's in crucial and interesting ways.

Fanfic Reviews: Sometime in the later months of 2022, I became convinced that I had run out of reviewable Bubblegum Crisis fanfic that I could recall without having to read too much of something I hated. But that's a falsehood. The number of review drafts I've got on tumblr speaks to that. Now, as tempting as it is to try to review a behemoth like YT2032 or something like that, I don't really feel ready to do that right now. Instead, what I really ought to do is start moving more reviews from drafts to complete posts, finish up what I can easily review and then go there. I reviewed a lot of fanfics over the past year, and it was a fun pastime, helped me get a better sense of what I want out of BGC fan content. So yeah, I need to get back to doing some more fluffy fic reviews.

Silly Miscellanea: Omakes, short stories - anything to get the ol' creative juices flowing. I have this fragment of a thing where Priss, Linna, and Nene talk about 3D printing as it might exist in the 2060's and how technology rarely disrupts the fundamental foundations of society anymore, this whole sci-fi philosophy discharge that could work as a short bit. I had this idea for a story in the vein of early 2010's battle harem high school light novels where Sho from OVA 3 grows up and leads the next generation of Sabers. I keep thinking it might be cool to explore the friendship between Reika and Linna once or twice. Stuff like that.

So: Will I end up writing any of these potential projects? Well, Anatomy's a given, the fanfic reviews are a given, but after that I honestly don't know. We'll see how the year shakes out, and if I find that I have the time to do more than just those projects - if I get to help write a fate fanfic, if I continue Divine Patronage, if I do anything else at all - then so much the better, right?

Yeah.

[whimsymuse]

Storytelling (chapter 9)

➺ “You’re so used to following the path set for you by others, that is until a certain someone comes along and teaches you to write your own story.”

A story in which a famous idol falls for an average college student and they both try to follow their dreams, while struggling to stay together.

A/N This is actually my first fic for this fandom, so hopefully you all enjoy it!

Masterlist

pairing: Namjoon x Reader

genre: Fluff, humor and knowing me probably some angst

warnings: strong language

words: 2,993

Chapter: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, ...

Namjoon didn’t have a driver’s license, ‘For the good mankind’, he told you when you asked him why not. So, the two of you took the bus. You didn’t mind, you enjoyed taking the bus.

“It’s like taking a break from the stresses of life for awhile.” You said, “I’m not expected to be doing anything on the bus, so in between work and school, it gives me an opportunity to just breathe.”

Namjoon nodded, “I feel that way too. The bus takes you from one place to another and while you have stuff to do at both places, the bus is that in between space where you don’t have to do anything. Even on my most stressful days, taking the bus forces me to take a break and just focus on me, so maybe it is a blessing I can’t drive.”

“Yeah, for more reasons than one.” You teased, then turned to face the window where you found your reflection fondly smiling at Namjoon’s profile. It wasn’t often you found someone who shared the same opinion as you. Around other people, you mostly kept quiet about your wandering thoughts. Even Alyson would tease you about how overly contemplative you were at times, but with Namjoon you felt understood and free to be yourself.

A comfortable silence fell over the two of you as the bus drove further down the street. You watched the bus pass by a few restaurants and some shops along the way, a handful of which Namjoon had taken you to and you smiled at the fond memories. A part of you was upset with yourself for not having explored the city more so that you could’ve been to these places sooner, but another part of you was happy Namjoon was the one to show them to you. Things just seemed better whenever you were with him. He managed to make even the simplest of things appear wonderous, just in the way he looked at them and you knew that from the minute he looked at you.

But maybe that’s because he’s not used to a simple life, your mind voiced when a particular poster caught your eye, followed by several others after that. In hindsight you should’ve expected this in this part of town and also considering his band’s fame, but the sheer amount of it all was overwhelming. On every shop window and on every vendor’s cart that passed by the bus were with the faces of BTS. Everywhere you looked, you saw them and each time your eyes instantly settled on the 2D printed eyes of the man sitting beside you.

His face was everywhere. On posters, t-shirts, tv screens and even lotion bottles! With every store that passed, the gap in success between the two of you became more and more apparent and made you sink further and further into your seat. How could you ever compare to him? He was the leader of one of the most popular kpop groups in Korea, he fought for his dream and crushed all of the naysayers under his success while you didn’t even have a dream and your chances of having one were being crushed by the expectations of your parents. What did you even have to offer him? A shoulder to lean on when he’s tired? An ear to listen to him when he was stressed? What could you give him that he couldn’t easily get from someone else who’d be far more successful and far more beautiful? Your heart sank just as a voice in your head gave you the answer you never wanted to hear- Nothing. You had nothing to offer him and if anything you were just wasting his time.

Throughout you inner turmoil, Namjoon remained oblivious. You assumed he didn’t even realize this part of town was on the way to the restaurant. He also had a habit of spacing out on your way to places and while most of the time it didn’t bother you, this time you wished he’d been more attentive. Maybe then you could’ve remained oblivious too, and just for a little longer you could’ve kept exploring the city with Namjoon as if nothing else mattered. But you couldn’t, not after seeing this. This was a part of his life he didn’t want you to know about, a part he never intended for you to see yet here it was right in front of you and you had no idea how you were supposed to react. Initially you wanted to just ask him about it at restaurant, but it was right here in the open completely surrounding and you couldn’t just ignore it.

“Namjoon…” You began to say, but he cut you off by placing a hand over your own.

“We’re almost there.” He said with a smile as he intertwined your fingers and instantly your racing thoughts faded into white noise. His eyes sparkled as they looked down at you, making you feel as if you two were the only two people left in the world and for a second you believed that this could work, that you could really be something. And that feeling kept you going for the rest of the ride, but no more than that.

The minute you stepped foot into the restaurant, you felt underdressed. You, nor your thirty dollar sweater and fake gold necklace did not belong in a restaurant with crystallized champagne bottles and satin tablecloths.

Just as Namjoon started to approach one of the hostesses, you grabbed his arm.

“Namjoon,” You said in a hushed voice, “You can’t be serious right now. We’re going to eat here? This is a five star restaurant and the champagne alone is probably worth my one week’s paycheck.”

“Don’t worry about it. Tonight is my treat.” He responded as he gently covered your hand with his own before dragging you towards the hostess, ignoring all of your protests.

“Table for Kim Namjoon.” He said to the hostess and from behind his shoulder you noticed that she didn’t even check the list before she promptly guided you to your seats towards the back of the restaurant. She handed you both a menu and when you noticed that each food lacked a price you knew you were screwed.

You looked over at Namjoon with wide eyes and he responded with a questioning stare. “Joon please.” You whispered while hiding the side of your face from the other patrons with your menu, “We could eat somewhere else? There’s a great ramen place in front of my house that would cost a 16th of this meal tops for both of us, plus dessert!”

“Y/n, I said don’t worry about it. This dinner is my treat and I’ve saved up specifically for this, so just pick what you want to eat and enjoy.” He said with an easy smile as his eyes scanned the menu.

“I’m not even properly dressed for this place.” You insisted, trying to convince him to leave again, but he wasn’t having it.

“Neither am I.” He said, nodding towards his T-shirt and scarf. You visible deflated, knowing that there was no way you were going to get yourself out of this meal and your frown deepened when you heard him chuckle.

“Look, Y/n. I promise you that I can afford this dinner. Also I didn’t choose this place just to impress you. I haven’t gotten to eat much more than take-out recently, so I’m spoiling both you and myself tonight.” Namjoon smirked as he leaned forward and used his own menu to shield his face, “And for the record, you look better than everyone in this room right now, so don’t worry.”

If Namjoon’s aim was to embarrass you into submission, he achieved it. His words made your face flush a bright red, forcing you to hide behind your menu again, butthis time you actually looked at the options. Your head hurt as you tried to figure out what each dish was with the limited french you knew, but in the end, you just ordered what Namjoon ordered.

The rest of the dinner passed as relatively normal as it could, once you got over the glitz and glamour of the venue, of course. At that point the dinner really was just you and Namjoon enjoying each other’s company while eating overly priced, though painfully delicious chicken. Though eventually, it reached the point in the night you’d been dreading since the night began.

“So why did you want to talk to me?” Namjoon asked.

You paused with your fork halfway to your mouth, then slowly lowered it back to your plate. For a second you considered not telling him that you knew about his idol life, if only to enjoy the normalcy for a little bit longer. But that was just it - none of this was normal. You, a struggling college student, were eating dinner at a five star restaurant with the leader of a world famous kpop group. Who were you fooling, acting as if you and your fake gold necklace belonged here - belonged with him.

Your eyes lifted from your plate ever so slightly, only to freeze upon seeing Namjoon’s concerned expression. His eyes were focused on your every movement, as if he was analyzing every action to try and understand your silence, and knowing him he could be. You shifted uncomfortably under his intense stare until you could no longer stand the silence.

“Why did you invite me here?” the exasperated words leaving your mouth before you even processed you were thinking them.

Namjoon’s eyes widened at your sudden outburst, “I told you, to thank you for helping me finish my album.”

“No,” You said, “I mean, why me, why are you spending time with me and not someone else like…” You paused, making Namjoon tilt his head in confusion.

“Like?” He prompted.

“Like you!” You huffed out, then leaned over the table and pressed your fingers into your temples. A headache was coming on, you could feel it, but if you could just keep your raging thoughts in check for a few minutes, you could get through this conversation.

“What are you talking about?” He asked cautiously.

You sighed, “Namjoon I know who you are; I know about your band, your idol life, all of it… It’s not exactly something you can hide.” You mumbled that last part, thinking back to the entire street filled with stalls of nothing but BTS merchandise. How could he possibly think you weren’t going to find out?

Namjoon stayed silent, neither of you touching your food as you continued.

“You could have your pick of beautiful and lavish company.” You gestured to the restaurant around you, “Hell anyone in this room is bound to have more to offer you?”

Namjoon leaned back and rested a finger against his lips thoughtfully, “And you’re basing that assumption on what? The fact that they’re eating at a five star restaurant?” His eyebrow raised and you noticed that he was wearing a slight smirk which irked you beyond belief.

“Don’t play dumb, Joon. I’m saying that because they can afford this restaurant. They’re rich and they’re successful; they belong here and me… People glared at me the second I stepped foot in here and I couldn’t even pronounce half of the things on the menu.”

“You can probably still pronounce more than me, whenever I come here I order the same thing.” He chucked and you shot him a glare.

“Namjoon be serious!” You pleaded

He shook his head, “How can I be when you’re saying such ridiculous things?”

“What?” You asked, taken aback by his words.

Namjoon let out a breathy laugh, “You know what this reminds me of?” You stayed silent, not knowing how to respond, but Namjoon continued anyway, “Our first meeting, you know in the cafe.”

“I don’t-” You started to say, but Namjoon cut you off.

“Why do you keep telling me to spend time with other people when all I want to do is be with you?”

His words caught you completely off guard, making the the air whip right out of your lungs and your heart stutter. You stared up at him with wide eyes and could only manage to blink in response. Did you hear him correctly?

He let out a heavy sigh, “After all the time we’ve spent together I hoped that by now you’d understand…”

“What are you saying?” You said cautiously, barely above a whisper and for a second

you worried that Namjoon wouldn’t hear, but the determined expression he directed towards you told you otherwise.

He leaned forward onto the table and reached out to hold your hand. Your eyes flicked down to where your hand rested in his and a warm shiver ran up your spine as he started to gently trace the back of your hand with his thumb.

“I don’t care that you’re not rich or famous. I don’t care that you’re still a college student trying to find her way. You’re who I want to spend my time with.”

“I’m not good enough for you.” You said with a shake of your head.

“Don’t say that.” Namjoon responded as his grip on your hand tightened, “You’re smart, witty, and beautiful inside and out, you have so much to offer. You’re the reason I finished the album so early. You’ve inspired me in ways that no one else ever has and beyond that, you make me so, so happy. I just…” He took in a deep breath and lowers his gaze to your joined hands. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m even worthy of you…” He trailed off.

You almost had to remind yourself to breathe as your heart stuttered in your chest. This couldn’t be real. Was he really saying what you thought he was? “Namjoon…” You started to say, mostly to say something, but you had no idea what else you were going to say. To honest, you didn’t trust yourself to say anything because you had no idea what was going on. Luckily, Namjoon spoke before you had to continue.

“But that doesn’t matter.” Histone shocked you, forcing you to meet his eyes which burned with the determination that threw you off earlier. You almost felt intimidated by the force behind his expression, especially since it was directed towards you, but for some reason you couldn’t bring yourself to look away.

“I want to be worthy of you and I’ll try my best every single day to show you, if you’d just give me the chance.”

“But we’re so different.” You said.

His earnest expression broke into a small smile, “Are we though? We like the same books, we both like going on walks, but can also enjoy the comfort of the indoors, we both love writing - Hell, you even made me develop this weird love for peppermint tea!”

Some of the tension in your shoulders lifted as you let out a short laugh, “It’s not weird!” You protested.

“Yeah it is! It’s boiling leaf juice that makes my mouth feel cold?! It’s your fault that I like this stuff now.” He pouted and you shook your head at his ridiculousness.

“You’re not going to give up are you?” You stated more than asked as a faint smile graced your lips.

“Not if the only reason you’re against this is because I’m a little more famous than you.”

Your eyes narrowed, “A little?”

“Okay, a lot, but forget that for a second. If that’s the only reason you’re fighting this, then I won’t stop trying to win you over.”

Your eyes fell way from his gaze as they trailed over the scene around you. Everyone from the restaurant patrons to the waiters was dressed prim and proper. They breathed an air of rich hubris that you’d only ever seen when you went to family reunions. These people reminded you of your rich family and maybe that’s why you felt so uncomfortable. They oozed vanity and conceit and their voices rang with a tune of condescension. Your stomach churned as your eyes continued to sweep over the room, that is until they fell once more on the man sitting before you.

He’s not like them. Your mind whispered. He’s only ever treated you like an equal. The only time you’ve ever felt uncomfortable around him was when you found out he was famous and you convinced yourself that that changed things. He was always sweet to you.

You smiled fondly at him. Alyson was right, he was still the same kind and dorky guy from the cafe you fell head over heels for, so why were you fighting this?

You ran a nervous hand through your hair, feeling Namjoon’s eyes carefully watch your every movement, then let out a heavy sigh, “Okay.” you finally said.

He looked at your slightly confused, “Okay?” He asked.

Feeling your cheeks begin to heat up, “I want to give this a try.” You clarified.

Namjoon blinked at you shocked, “R-really?”

You nodded and bit your lip to suppress a grin as Namjoon let out an almost comical sigh of relief.

“Wow.” He breathed out as he leaned back in his chair, still managing to keep his hand on yours.

“Wow what?” You asked just as breathlessly as he sounded.

He shook his head, “I just never thought I could feel this happy.” The smile he flashed you was by far the brightest smile you’ve ever seen and it made you blush bright red, knowing you were the cause of it.

“God” You groaned as you pressed your burning face into your one free hand, “You’re so cheesy, I can’t stand it.”

“You love it.” Namjoon singsonged then chuckled when you groaned even louder and pressed your face face further into your hand.

You smiled into your palm despite yourself. You’d never admit it out loud, but he was right - you really did love it.

Chapter: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, ...

A/N Yikes! I’m sorry this is so late guys, but I’ve just been so caught up in the chaos that is the start of school that I completely forgot to post this. But here it is now! I hope you all enjoy!!

please do NOT edit, copy or repost

[creideamhgradochas]

Thanks to the lovely @whostheblondegirlwriting for taking the time to answer these! Get to know more about lovely E, go give her a follow and then show her some love!

These questions are from this list. You should check it out, there’s 50 questions all together and they’d be great to ask your favorite fic writer!

*Disclaimer from E, herself: If you’re looking for some sage-like writery advice...keep lookin’. You won’t find it here. This whole fic writing endeavor is an adventure in “[shrugs] We’ll see what happens”. Behold! An odyssey of half-assed, one line inspo. Marvel at the absolute appalling lack of plotting and vision. Tremble at the underwhelming realization that “Huh. I could do better than that”. In short, at least you don’t pay money for this, right?

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fan-fiction?

I have no idea, honestly. I signed up for AO3 to actually share it though in September 2015 when I was 36. So we’ll go with that.

2) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

I think I have done more reader inserts than OC, counting all the tumblr oneshots. But you can actually create something substantial with an OC. An OC makes you work. I prefer them.

3) What is your favorite genre to write for?

I don’t know if I’ve done enough variety to have a fav, honestly.

4) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

I wouldn’t. They’re all mine and I’m proud of each of them, no matter how popular (or maybe I should say, unpopular) they are/were.

5) When is your preferred time to write?

Whenever I have the time! I’m not picky, because time is very hard to come by with my job anymore and the fact that my husband doesn’t know I write. Morning, noon, or night for me. It can be hard to sneak it in and still get everything else done.

6) Where do you take your inspiration from?

I don’t have a good answer for this and I’m laughing to myself thinking I should have one. Lol An idea comes up and I write it. That’s it. Shameful, I know.

7) In your Back to One series, what’s your favorite scene that you wrote?

Oh, damn. Uhhh...I think I liked Sebastian fumbling through his confession to Lily in Montauk. But I also probably had the most fun with the “champagne incident” because it was for my tumblr-lifemate,  @ceebeetumbles.

8) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

Nope. It is what it is. You can’t please everyone and I don’t try. As long as I like it, it’s good enough. It’s not like anyone’s paying me for this, anyway. Lol

9) Who is your favorite character to write for? Why?

Hmm. Right now, I’d have to say Jack Rollins, because he preoccupies so much of my writing lately. Besides his own fic, he’s also featuring in an AU for Echo that’s in draft. Considering he had two lines in Winter Soldier, I’m very proud of the interest and love my Jack gets.

10) Who is your least favorite character to write for? Why?

Chris Evans, for right now. Only because he has been less than inspirational for some time due to his relative inactivity and, uh, [ahem] some personal choices he made. But I’m optimistic he’ll come back.

11) How did you come up with the title for the Back to One series?

The main character, Lily, goes through some personal and professional ups and downs as an actress. The phrase “back to one” is a direction for actors to go back to their first mark, so I thought it was fitting, as Lily would hopefully get things right, find her best self again, and have a fresh start as she meets different situations and opportunities in her story.

12) How did you come up with the idea for the Back to One series?

I thought I’d write a Sebastian Stan fic and figured a good match for him (and someone to help drive the story) would be an actress. But then I considered an OC like Lily could have more angles to write and it became really an OC fic that features Sebastian Stan. Oops.

13) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

I haven’t ever abandoned a fic. I refuse to give up on A Touch Up and do write a line or two here and there, just nowhere near the volume I need to publish a full chapter like I used to. It ended up on the shelf because Chris Evans got so boring after Civil War premiered and the fic is literally built on what he was doing in his everyday life. I also have a personal distaste for Jenny Slate and I guess you could say his decision to date her made me doubt the version of him I’d created in ATU, which is a problem when your fic is paired so purposefully around the assumptions I/we all had made by that time about him.

14) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

I’m doing it. Echo was my pet project and, though it has my smallest following for a WIP, I had enough demand/interest for the story to be told from another character’s perspective that Jack Rollins and the STRIKE Series were born. There’ll be some unexpected things along the way in that series that I hope those fans/readers enjoy.

15) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

No. I’ve only ended a couple fics (Echo and Kindness). Everything else is still a WIP or open ended series that publishes oneshots every once in awhile. The rest of my work is basically oneshots.

16) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

Don’t laugh at me when I say I admire anyone who puts their work out there, even if it’s just a paragraph long imagine only on tumblr. It takes a lot of nerve, no matter what level your work is at or how big the scope. I’ve seen some good, bad, and ugly fic floating around, but I see value in it all and love seeing experience/determination help the writer evolve.

We ain’t all Hemingways or Shakespeares. And that’s okay. Some of the best writers don’t have thousands of followers and get hundreds of notes (but deserve them). And some of the behemoths out there aren’t necessarily turning out mind blowing fic, either. It’s a crapshoot and fandom can be fickle (if not downright confusing af).

17) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

Not at all. If it posts, I’m happy with it.

18) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

Either is fine. I probably write more in quiet, though, because my husband works 3rd shift, so I’m mindful not to disturb him.

19) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

No. Closest I could say to giving me my own feels was when I wrote The Death of Brock Rumlow (when it existed as part of the original Echo plot).

20) Which part of your Back to One series was the hardest to write?

I’m happy to say I don’t think there’s been a hard part to write for Back To One, or any of my fics. I’ve enjoyed every minute of it!

21) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

Nope. No outlines or plans. I pretty much just sit down and write. If inspiration doesn’t hit, I’ll switch to a different WIP. If I have an idea for a line or scene I might make a note for later (maybe just a few words to point me in the right direction/remind me, or a line or two of dialogue), but once I get to it, I usually just write it out at once.

22) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fan-fiction?

How little time I’d have down the road for it. Maybe I wouldn’t have run such long WIPs/fics at a time. It feels like it’s been 100 years since I had time to open requests and I had to abandon a weekly posting schedule for 3 WIPs earlier this year because I just don’t have the time to manage the volume I used to anymore.

23) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

OMG yes! Echo and its companion fic, Jack Rollins (and I’ll probably say the same for the au/the STRIKE series). At this point, I can confidently say the following for Echo didn’t carry over to Jack Rollins, but I knew both were niche fics in the beginning anyway. I’m grateful for the attention Echo got, but it was such a labor of love, I’d have liked to see it do better. I may only have several regular readers for Jack Rollins commenting or reblogging, but those few readers and myself are the ones I wrote it for, and that I’ll keep posting it for until it’s finished, regardless of how tiny the readership because I love it.  

24) In contrast to 23 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

Not in an “oh, geez. Not that again” way. More like a “oh, stop. I can’t believe you guys like it that much” kind of humbled eye roll.

25) Are any of your characters based on real people?

Obviously the celebrities like Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan, technically yeah. I have no doubt that some of my own ticks, experiences, etc have made it into a character or plot, or things from people I know or have come across. Things you don’t necessarily draw lines between on purpose but maybe catch on to later, sure.

26) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

Any of the comments or messages from people who say they cried, laughed out loud in public, got way too giddy, or held their breath because of something I wrote.  They make me so happy, just to see someone got so lost or involved in a moment means I did a good job. Having someone say they reread a fic (or are reading for the X time) is a hell of a compliment, too.

27) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

It was about A touch Up and how I had given the reader insert character, or implied, too much description (ex. noting that POC don’t blush as often as this girl did, when I wrote it as that feeling in the cheeks anyone can experience to convey her nervousness/embarrassment/etc at those points in the story so people maybe shared that sense as they read, not that she frequently ran around with a noticeable flush) and that, although I may not have said it outright, things like that apparently had made her so that she was obviously white. That ruined it for the commenter, despite there not actually being that much said about appearance in the story.

28) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

Rarely. @ceebeetumbles gets a snippet of a chapter thrown at her once in a very blue moon, if I want to be sure something isn’t too cliché or generally awful. Lol But there’s a chance she’s reading along with the fic, so I may not send the whole chapter. I don’t plot per se or collaborate with anyone though.

29) Do people know you write fan-fiction?

Just the lovely people who’ve visited me on Tumblr or AO3.

30) What’s you favorite minor character you’ve written?

It’s a toss up between Frank Grillo’s appearance in A Touch Up and Jack Rollins or Eric Mickelson in Echo. I’m also a little fond of Drew Madison in Back To One.

31) What spurs you on during the writing process?

That I told you I’d post an update to a WIP, promised a drabble, or set a deadline that a request would be done by. So, really just my self-imposed “schedule”.

32) What’s your favorite trope to write?

I don’t really have one.

33) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

Nnnope. Lol

34) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

It’s a toss up between angst and fluff. They both come pretty easily. Honestly, smut is exhausting to write and I do so little of it because I don’t want it to be repetitive. Fluff is always fun. But, man...the possibilities with angst are pretty limitless, so maybe I’d lean a little more that way.