#i was hoping by taking them n then sleeping it would reset my brain into being normal but. it did not :(

[tamagotchikgs]

i am still so out of it from the days of not being able to takw my meds i have never felt this way in my life everything feels so wrong i feel so distant i just want 2 cry but i cant

[fishnets-fingers]

blossoms, big changes & blanket forts

a/n - @harry-on-broadway's short 'n sweet fic challenge inspired me to write a burb from the six months universe. this takes place in the future and hints at storyline(s) for future parts. it's been a while since i'd written anything, so i hope this turned out okay. word count: 2.5k (not proofread) happy reading :)

…

Every Saturday Harry’s alarm blares at five in the morning and every single Saturday he swiftly silences it before it disturbs the other occupant snoozing next to him. This morning was no different. He quietly slips out the bed and heads to the bathroom to change into his running gear. 

A dopey smile blooms across his face at the sight in front of him. A foot peeking out the sheet, a hand haphazardly dangling over the side of the bed, and a shock of dark hair obstructing her face. 

He smooths the raven locks away from her face and leans down to kiss her sleep warm cheek. A quiet grunt makes him chuckle. 

“What ungodly hour is it?” Layla asks, eyes still closed. 

“It’s the AM,” he answers diplomatically. 

She mumbles something incoherently, turning over on her stomach, face burying into the pillow. He knows better than to ask her to clarify and jolt her from the pull of slumber. He kisses the crown of her head, pulling the bed sheet in place. 

And off he goes, running down the same circuit he takes every Saturday. He enjoys this time where their neighbourhood is slowly setting up for the day - the scratches of produce filled pallets being hauled into the restaurants, the beeps of trucks pulling into the warehouses of the supermarkets, the hum of baristas as they begin to ready their spaces, and the soft grunts of runners they start with their stretches. 

He relishes this routine; the calm after five days of scrambling around with this Masters thesis, hours in the lab, typing away on his computer into the night. Saturday mornings were his reset. The hour and a half he spends running with no distractions is just what he needs to set the tone for his weekend. The same sights, smells, and sounds.  This Saturday however he spots a moving truck along with a couple carrying boxes into the lobby of a highrise apartment and is immediately transported to a wintery evening five months ago. He was lugging bags of groceries from the car when his phone chimed. Once. Twice. Thrice. Followed by a call from Layla all the way from Chennai.

“Hi bab-” He starts before getting interrupted. 

“You are speaking to the new assistant professor of San Diego State! Well not really. I still haven’t signed but I just got the email.”

“No fucking way! Really?”

“Really! I read the email three times to make sure my brain wasn’t playing tricks on me. I did just wake up, so there’s a big possibility that I’m dreaming.”

“Congratulations, Layla.”

“Aww, thanks,” she blew out a breath. “You know what this means, right?”

“No more long distance,” he smiled into the microphone.

“Can’t wait. I love you.”

“I love you too, Lails.” 

“Say it again,” she said, and he can picture her lips pulling up at the corners.

“I bloody love you, sweet girl.”

“Thanks. I needed to hear that,” she added quietly.

He felt her conflicting feelings of anger and longing miles away. She did not want to go to India after what happened during their last visit. After weeks of trying, her cousins convinced her that she was long overdue for a sleepover, pointing out that a full time job would only make flying over more complicated. “Chennai will make me feel at home, my house is just a building,” she’d insisted but Harry had seen the hurt etched on her face on their video call from she hotel she checked into. She had forgone the invite from her relatives to stay at theirs, not wanting cause any conflicts between them and her parents. He’d wanted to go with her but his schedule wouldn’t allow him and which was convenient for her with wanting him far away from her mother. “Have you told your folks? Do you want to?” He’d asked after a pregnant pause.

She sighed. “Not my parents. I called my grandparents. They were overjoyed, obviously. They wanted to meet me for lunch but I told them I’m not coming home. So, I’m meeting them at the restaurant. I explicitly told them that I would leave if Amma and Appa (Mum and Dad) showed up.

“Anyway," she said after a while, "I think my grandparents are going to give me a fat stack of cash, like they did when I got into the PhD program.” She forced a chuckle, signaling that she was done talking about it.

So he changed the topic, “when do you have to get back to them?”

“They haven’t specified anything but sooner the better right. I’ll respond by tomorrow evening” she yawned. “I'm heading over to Chitti's (aunt - mother’s younger sister) for dinner. All the cousins are attending Carom night. I’ll ask her to help me go through the contract before I sign. I’ll have to tell them that I’ll only be coming to the US next week. I think I want to negotiate my salary a little or get more PTOs. I don't want to pass it up though. They are willing to sponsor my visa and I don't have any more offers to be in the same city, so…” She prattled on. 

He’s giddy at the thought of not having to resort to scheduling visits when their calendars permit them to. To not have their coursework making them unavailable during important moments. To not have to fit their belongings into a small cabin bag and rush to the gate to catch a flight to each other a few states away. To not have to tiptoe around Layla’s housemates, who barely tolerated each other. To not have to resort to FaceTimes when they wanted to see each other. To not be next to each other - when all they wanted was to wrap the their arms around the other - to help them wind down from an exhausting day. 

“Har,” her voice snapped him out of his reverie. “Are you paying attention?”

“Yeah yeah, contracts.”

“Not even close. I was talking about apartment hunting.”

“Why would you look for apartments?” His brows knitted together. 

“I’ll need a place to live in, won’t I?” 

“You already have a place to live in.”

“No, I don’t. What are you-,” her voice cuts off as she drew in a sharp breath in realisation. “Are you- Would you like for me to- Are you sure?”

“Of course I am. I’m almost twenty six. You’re twenty seven. We’ve been together for two years now. I’m so in love with you, Layla Sathish. Never stopped for a second since I first laid eyes on you in your Uncle’s house in Apex. Never stopped in the two years we were apart. And I don’t want to waste another second. I want us together. I want to go to bed with you next to me. Kiss you goodbye when we both leave for university. I want to complain about your makeup and skincare taking up all the space in the bathroom cabinet. I want to buy you flowers when I come back home after a run. I want your paints and brushes scattered on the dining table. I want to make space in my closet for your clothes. I want your fingerprints smeared on my laptop screen. Move in with me.” 

It didn’t skip past her that he wasn’t asking her but telling her. “I mean I do have the spare key to your loft. Might as well put it to good use,” she teased. 

He laughed. “Exactly! You can be the breadwinner of the house and I can rest easy as a kept man and work on my thesis.”

She giggled. “I love it!”

Three weeks later, they were moving her belongings into the loft. He had to pinch himself every few hours to remind himself that he had unfettered access to the woman he loved. But living together posed a few adjustments, like the time she used his coffee grinder to make gunpowder from scratch and he was about ready to rip all his hair off telling her about cross-contamination of the flavour. Living together spotlighted their different cleaning ethos - he lets the mess accumulate and then do a deep clean but soon found out that Layla could not function when things piled up. The different towels and rags of Layla’s system he needed to keep track of: the ‘nice one’ for drying the dishes, the ‘yucky one’ for cleaning the kitchen countertops, the ‘microfiber’ for dusting that needed to be dampened, and the ‘soft one’ for electronic screens. They’d argued about finances and after weeks - much to Layla’s chagrin -  they’d settled on a compromise: Layla would take care of the utilities and date nights and Harry would pay for rent, and groceries. She put her foot down about being able to pay for the two of them on their future trips to India and he agreed with the condition that all other trips would be taken care of by him. Their grocery trips were different now, Layla was so focused on giving herself a spending limit since she wasn’t paying for it. This meant standing in the middle of the aisle and calculating down to the gram to figure out what brand gave her the best bang for her buck - whereas Harry just pulled things off the shelf that caught his eye. But all of their spats and differences melt away when he sees her smile up at him, from whatever she was doing, as he walked through the door after the end of the day. 

In the home stretch he slows down and walks into the florist. It was early in the day to have the pick of the freshest of flowers straight from the delivery truck. Every single week he would pick out random bunches - today it was different coloured sweet peas and tulips. He’d wake her up with the flowers held behind his back where she’d blink up at him with sleep laden eyes and gasp when he’d present them to her. She gasped every Saturday morning, even if it had become a ritual by now - watching her put together an impressive floral arrangement while he’d make breakfast for them.

He’s surprised when he keys into the loft, usually he’s met with the quiet hum of appliances, today peals of laughter bounce off the walls of the entryway. He smiles toeing off his shoes as he spots two sets of feet - one tiny and one large - sticking out. Their couch pushed back towards the wall and the four dining chairs stood in its place acting as pillars on either side with a fuzzy throw draped over the backs of the chair, cocooning the two. 

He tiptoes slowly towards their makeshift fort to find the two sprawled on a quilt on their tummies. Layla in her power rangers pyjamas, hair haphazardly thrown in a bun, rubbing the sleep away from her eyes, her head propped on her elbows, and a curly headed girl in a wrinkled nightgown giggling with her as she points at the book that’s propped against the a cushion. Vasanth and Abi had dropped Laya off with them for the fourth of July weekend and had driven up to Temecula Valley for their long overdue wedding anniversary getaway. She was a deadly combination of her parents, self-willed and mischievous.

“Your Tamil teacher has her work cut out for her,” Layla howls.

“Miss. Muga,” the four year old replies. 

“Who?”

“Miss. Muga. She’s my Tamil teacher.”

“You're going to be a pain in Miss. Muga’s bum,” Layla breaks into giggles.

Her little body twists around, eyes widening in alarm, hands coming to cover her open mouth. “You said bum!” She sputters into laughter. 

“Excuse me, ladies, where was my invite?” Harry asks, crouching down and sticking his head into the opening, making sure the flowers were concealed behind his back.

“Harry!” The girl screams in delight, crawling haphazardly towards him. 

“Someone decided to wake up at the crack of dawn with a determination to build a fort and finish her Tamil homework in it,” Layla sighs.

Harry gives their guest a sympathetic smile. “You did promise her a blanket fort last night, baby. It’s a miracle that she slept this long, reckon she might be in Eastern time.”

“What do you have?” Laya asks, pointing at the tulip sprig that peeked out from the side.

“It’s a gift,” he tells her, shuffling into their cosy cocoon. “Can you cover Akka’s (older sister) eyes and close eyes?” He whispers loudly.

With a nod she clambers onto Layla’s back, using her hands to shield Layla’s view while she scrunches her eyes shut. A collective gasp echoes when he tells them to open their eyes, presenting them with his colourful selection of the day. Harry's body permeates with warmth from the radiant smiles coming from the two; the type of light that could rival the sun’s. The warmth makes him smile, feeling content at the sight in front of him, chuffed at the approval of his floral pick, and the singe of tranquillity from being inside the fort.

“Isn’t it pretty?” Layla asks, bringing the bouquet to her nose. “Mmm…Smells good too.”

“Mmmm,” Laya copies her cousin, burying her nose and nodding in agreement. “For me?” She looks up at Harry. 

“For the two of you,” he replies, inching closer to them. He twists a purple bloom and tucks it behind Laya’s ear. “A sweet pea for my sweet pea.” He declares, chuckling at the way Laya cheeks tinge with pink and the way she blinks up at him with a shy smile.

“Manners, Laya. What do you say?” Layla prompts.

“Thank you,” she says in a singsong voice, reaching over Layla's head to kiss his cheek.

“You’re welcome, love.” He dramatically clears his throat before picking up a yellow tulip and swishes it around before tapping his girlfriend's nose with the bulb. “And a tulip for my tulip.”

“Thanks. Laya, do you want to help me arrange them in the vase? We can do that while Harry makes us pancakes, okay?”

The little girl nods, clambering off her sister and barrels in the direction of the kitchen, remembering the empty vase she’d seen on the kitchen counter. “I guess homework’s not a priority anymore,” Layla mumbles.

She sits up to follow her cousin before she wreaks havoc but Harry firmly holds her in place with a pointed look. “What?”

“Manners, Layla,” he echoes her statement from earlier. 

“I thanked you.”

“Not properly.”

“Huh?”

“Guess you could learn a thing or two from Laya. No thank you is complete without a kiss.”

“Since when?” She smirks.

“Did you not get the memo from the blanket fort etiquette committee?” He teases with a toothy grin.

She rolls her eyes, rocking up on her knees to kiss his cheek. “Happy?”

“Very.” He sears his mouth on her, tongue languidly sweeping her bottom lip, teasing her with a promise of what’s to come. When they pull away, she’s breathless, looking up at him with her tired eyes. And he cannot resist pulling her back in for another, this time his fingers curl around the back of her head, pulling her closer than before. It’s hurried - teeth clanging, noses knocking, tongues caressing, breaths stuttering - never faltering in passion. 

“Layla Akka!”

“I’ve been summoned," Layla murmurs against his swollen lips. “Thank you for this,” she picks up the bouquet from her lap and brings it close to her chest. “And all the others.” She presses a quick peck on his lips and they make their out the fort and towards the kitchen.

.....

MASTERPOST (if you wanna read more of Layla and Harry)

[adder24]

Take me back to Eden

A Songfic inspired by the song "Take me back to Eden" by Sleep Token.

A/N: I wrote it from the viewpoint of Reese during his quest to fulfill his vengence in "The Devils Share" @untilthe12ofnever @nuggsmum @plinkitee @sunrise68 @savhcaro @imo126 @imelopsittacus @bonnie131313 @scnewztown @bliphany @caviezeldaily @aragarna @eyesofwitt @follow-voice @heike-251 @detective-fiasco @hellostickerdoodle

Please tag on. I have forgotten a few POI blogs so my apologise

An anchor was what she was to him. She showed him mercy at his lowest point, compassion when he was shot, strength when their foes were hunting them down. She had managed to keep this lone wolf under control, made him feel like he was part of a pack, made him feel loved.

Reese had plenty of chances to drop his guard, let her in and bury the monster he used to be, he could have had something, he could have had everything he desired but he left it too long and now it was too late.

I dream in phosphorescence Bleed through spaces See you drifting past the fog But no one told you where to go We dive through crystal waters, perfect oceans But no one told me not to breathe And now the weightlessness recedes

Returning back to the darkness felt natural. The pain from bleeding wounds were numbed, grief now turned into a burning fire of vengeance and the monster had retaken its seat at the top of the table, its hunger would only be quashed when those involved were slain by his blood soaked hands

He should have allowed Harold to get him treated by one of his contacts but there was no time for back end hospital treatments or for wounds to heal. Those would need patching up on the fly, hatchet job stitches and bandages made from rags. It wasn’t pretty but it would hold for the time being while he walked, once again, down the path of the cold blooded killer. Hoping this time it would be a one way trip, hoping once his bloodlust was quenched, he could finally join her.

My, my, those eyes like fire I'm a winged insect, you're a funeral pyre Come now, bite through these wires I'm a waking hell and the gods grow tired Reset my patient violence along both lines of a pathway higher Grow back your sharpest teeth, you know my desire I will travel far beyond the path of reason Take me back to Eden, take me back to Eden Take me back to Eden

Simmons was the man to pull the trigger on them but Reese knew he was just the mouthpiece, he knew that order came from above, the man who Carter was putting away. Quinn and he knew where Simmons was going to run to.

Two birds one stone.

For all Reese cared, the wolves that lay in wait could have Simmons but Quinn, Quinn was in his crosshairs and he was determined to remove him permanently. Yet time wasn’t on his side. His wounds were not healing, every day he was popping sutures and patching himself up again, everyday the rags were drenched in blood, blood that his body was struggling to replace. 

Porcelain bathroom sinks were tainted with his crimson nectar, a sight he was oh too familiar with but the fire raged within him, there was no time to process the toil he was dragging his body through, his soul growing colder. Carter wanted to take Quinn down the right way, Reese just wanted to take him out, one way or another. Nobody was going to change his mind. Calls were missed and messages ignored.

His mind was set. The cold blooded killer returned.

Well yeah, I spit blood when I wake up Sink porcelain stained, choking up brain matter and makeup Just two days since the mainframe went down and I'm still messed up Room feels like a meat freezer, I dangle in it like cold cuts Missed calls, answered phones from people I just don't trust Mirror talk, fake love But I'll take a pound of your flesh Before you take a piece of my paystub White roses, black doves, Godmother, rise up I need you to see me for what I have become

He knew the US marshals would be protecting him, he knew where they would be holed up and the best ways to remove them from his mission. Plunge them into darkness, blind them and make sure none of them would get up to disrupt his plans. As simple as it was to perform, even that gave Reese a great deal of pain.

He needed a moment to catch his breath, to mask the pain of his wounds and that of his broken heart. Oh how he blamed himself for not being more open towards her, how he left it till that fateful night to drop his guard. He took her being there, ready to put her neck on the line, for granted and now she was gone and that hurt more than the inflamed bullet holes that oozed blood profusely.

My, my, those eyes like fire I'm a winged insect, you're a funeral pyre Come now, bite through these wires I'm a waking hell and the gods grow tired Reset my patient violence along both lines of a pathway higher Grow back your sharpest teeth, you know my desire I guess it goes to show, does it not? That we've no idea what we've got until we lose it And no amount of love will keep it around If we don't choose it

As he marched down the corridor, he could feel the flames of fury take hold, the burning rage filling his eyes. He knew Quinn was in the room, he knew that whoever was with him didn’t stand a chance and he knew deep down that this wouldn’t bring her back. 

If this was to be his last stand at least it would put him at peace, knowing he took the life of the man who coldly ordered her death.

And I don't know what's got its teeth in me But I'm about to bite back in anger No amount of self-sought fury Will bring back the glory of innocence

He watched as the last remaining guard crept out the room, he moved so that he was hidden and then struck, marching the guard back into the room at gunpoint before knocking them out and turning the gun on Quinn, fighting against himself to not end the man's life instantly, to prolong it, make the man give up information that he needed to relay over. Yet Quinn gave a speech about loyalty, droning on about not wanting to break the loyalty he had with Simmons, even if Reese threatened to kill him.

Magic words.

There was no threat, he was going to kill him even if he got what he wanted and he wouldn’t make it painless, he wouldn’t make it quick, he was going to drag it out and he made certain to tell him that, even if his breathing was becoming more labored and the pain more intense. It worked. He got what he needed from him and Reese was going to deliver on his promise, the gun trained on the man’s head, mere seconds from pulling the trigger before he was stopped, stopped by Harold's gentle voice, reminding him what she had sacrificed to bring down Quinn on her terms. 

He didn’t want to undo all that but the urge, the urge was strong. He wouldn’t do it in her name, he would do it to soothe his own soul, to correct his own mistake. He saw the fear flash across Quinn’s eyes as he made one last ditch attempt to put a bullet in his skull, annoyed that he was spared by the gun failing. He looked to Harold for Mercy, an end to the pain he had endured. What he got in return was Shaw hauling him back to the car, getting him into the back before he passed out from blood loss.

That was the moment he was at peace, calm and pain free. His mind put him in a garden, basking in the sun while listening to the birds around him chirping and cheeping. Flowers were bright, colourful and smelling sweet and somewhere in the distance he could hear a stream. He took a deep breath, a smile on his lips as he closed his eyes for a brief moment before opening them again, seeing a shadow cascade over him and a familiar face peering down at him.

My, my, those eyes like fire I'm a winged insect, you're a funeral pyre Come now, bite through these wires I'm a waking hell and the gods grow tired Reset my patient violence along both lines of a pathway higher Grow back your sharpest teeth, you know my desire I have traveled far beyond the path of reason Take me back to Eden Take me back to Eden

[sugar-omi]

omggg that made me think of something else that kinda gets me with these sorts of timeline reset things, i dont wanna ramble too much but theres this fangame i played for jojo that kinda has that sort of thing going on and it made me think of it aaaa (also i need to read those webtoons now im really interested sdflkjdsfklj)

so like while i was also imagining that cove wasnt really able to remember much about the previous timeline after the reset, i thought well, what if there was something left behind from it and cove didnt know or understand what it was until after meeting the og mc in the new timeline like after the whole wedding thing

like maybe in the og timeline cove and mc had made friendship bracelets or something when they were little and had a matching set (or maybe its the matching friendship shells you can have with cove if you decide to hang out on the beach with him instead of surfing in step 2 aaaa) in the new timeline cove wakes up with that in his hand the morning before him and his dad are taking the drive to sunset bird. he doesnt know what it is and is confused by it, maybe he just shoves it in his pocket or it ends up in a box and he just eventually forgets about it

he doesnt remember the bracelet/the shells in the blurry dreams he had about the original mc or anything and he only remembers it when he sees the matching one that mc has like on their desk or just resting on a table or maybe even theyre wearing it if its the bracelet and it just makes things click even more and the feelings just like hit him like a truck

aaaaaa asdklfja we are getting too powerful and i hope that my rambling makes sense, if it doesnt i will try again but aaaaaa my brain worms are increasing so much - 🕑

NO IT MAKES SM SENSE

im the jumbled one i only got like 3-4 hours sleep but im like losing my shit n wanting to create art n write things n yeah dw you make sm sense omg omg omg

I LOVEEE THE BRACELET/SHELL THING TOO!!! and he and mc!1 don't have those kinds of the things at all. or at least a variant of some sort

i imagine mc 1 and 2 are polar opposites. whereas mc!1 is more selfish/is the leader (think like ol2 mechanics n how they have the relationship status system/whatever yk?), mc!2 can still be a leader ofc, but theyre more selfless or at least always reaching out for cove

mc!1 is always searching for something else, somewhere else, someone else.

whereas mc!2 always turns around and waits for cove, goes to cove, brings cove with them. they always make a place for cove, where usually cove would make himself a place with mc!1

okay i swear imma write it, im like in a bit of a funk rn lol but i was thinking mc!1 (who i will call jamie for the sake of it and mc!2 will just be mc), sees cove with MC while they're visiting his parents.

(also i think that if mom's take back jamie, cliff would go out of his way to visit you guys/him instead so that way cove won't hurt. i imagine he might even move bc it hurts him as well ANYWAY THATS OFF TRACK THO)

and they end up talking somehow, maybe ending up on poppy hill at the right time (as much as it hurts bc poppy hill+white poppies would be ruined for cove after this, i think it'd bring him closure n he could get over it)

and i really would like to tell you jamie has regret. i thought they did n i would've written it like so, with jamie having a bit of longing for cove since they see him shining so brightly now that things have happened like this

i would also say that they love baxter still out of obligation because they ruined their life for him, i would also say that they could end up divorcing bc jamie longs for cove/their life before, but to that i offer: baxter staying and ignoring their yearning because this is all he thinks he can ever have...

BUT NOW. WHAT I AM VERY SWAYED TO WRITE INSTEAD BC !!!!

jamie isn't guilty. they love baxter so much, the only shame and guilt they have is for involving cove because now their family is distant and jamie hates that.

not just because they miss their family, in fact i imagine jamie would even tell someone they're overreacting, that they need to get out of their business, etc.. but they regret it because they can't give baxter a happy family, and they see how baxter regrets it so and will even express it bc he didn't want you no/low contact with your family, especially your lovely parents and sister, like he is.

jamie has enough humility to admit that they wish they didn't hurt cove, because he's such a good guy and he deserves better. but now he's happy, so they have no regrets.

i think jamie being this selfish would Kill cove. bc how could they say that? whereas jamie being guilty would make him sad, but its basically entirely pity for jamie. because they went through all that and they still want more, they want something else after everything they did?

cove would be so upset bc he was just a placeholder until they got what they wanted every time, slipping off jamie's list of important/treasured people with every day that went by growing up...

n he'd go cry to MC, distraught by the cruelty, but glad he didn't marry jamie in the end and he doesn't go into a funk afterwards, he's moved on and the coldness from jamie just helps him move on from everything

[the-iceni-bitch]

Catch that Buzz

Pairing: Drug Lord!Thor x fem!Reader, and a little surprise crime boss!Steve Rogers x fem!Reader x crime boss!Bucky Barnes

Words: ~10.8k (yikers)

Summary: You’re the queen to Miami’s biggest drug lord. He’s got the market on lock but is looking to expand, hopefully with some help from some potential friends from Brooklyn. But he’d never get any of it done without you.

Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content (fingering, f and m receiving oral sex, unprotected vaginal sex, titty worship, voyeurism, exhibitionism, sex pollen vibes, mentions of anal sex and tit fucking, tattoo kink, little bit of a knife kink, violence kink, minor praise kink), heavy drug use, slightly above canon level violence,  possessive Thor, hints of dark things to come, SMUT!!!!! 18+ ONLY!!!!!

A/N: I went all out for this one guys, taking a little page out of @stargazingfangirl18‘s playbook by having absolutely no chill when it comes to mob AUs! This 100% got away from me and has a mind of it’s own. I did not at all plan on having any Stucky action but I couldn’t help it! This is gonna be a big ass series with appearances from all our faves and a variety of readers and I cannot even tell you how excited I am about it. Big fucking shout out to @cockslut-padalecki and @afriendlyblackhottie because I don’t know if I would have started writing this without their encouragement. I really hope you all enjoy this insanity!!! 

(Credit for the dividers goes to the amazing @whimsicalrogers)

Check out my masterlist and join my taglist if you want!!!

You were slicing the fruit for your breakfast when he walked into the kitchen, already talking on that fucking phone.

“No, we’re not moving this meeting again.” He already sounded pissed off, but he still wrapped himself around your back and pressed a kiss to your neck before stealing a slice of mango. “If those New York assholes want to move their product through our port it’s tonight or nothing.”

It was upsetting how good he looked, his hair still slightly tousled from sleep and his satin pajama bottoms slung low on his hips as he moved to grab some juice from the fridge. You had a difficult time staying mad at him while you ogled the runic tattoos that ran over his torso and arms.

“Fucking ridiculous. Figure it out Sif, I don’t have time for this shit.” The phone clattered across the counter when he tossed it after hanging up, finally turning to you and smiling. “Morning beautiful.”

“Good morning. Meeting still on?” You grabbed a second bowl for him and scooped some yogurt into it before adding some honey and fruit.

“It better be. I’m sick of these dodgy fuckers.” His ringed fingers ran over his face in frustration as he watched you put everything away before bringing the food over and hopping up to sit on the counter in front of him. “Just want to go on a fucking vacation already.”

“You need to finish this deal if you don’t want a war with New York, honey.” You took a bite of your parfait and leaned back on one arm, swinging your legs lazily. “Then we can take as much time off as you want.”

“You’re telling me things I already know, sweetheart.” He reached out and wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you closer and nuzzling into your hair.

“Then quit fucking complaining about it.” You scooped a finger through the remains of your yogurt and smeared it on his nose, beaming at him before leaning forward mouth it off.

A low growl rumbled his chest as he slotted himself between your thighs, his hands resting on either side of your hips before he was ducking to catch your lips with his. He started brushing his lips down your neck when you wrapped your legs around his hips, locking your ankles together behind him and scrabbling your fingers over his back when he flicked his tongue out to trace the hollow behind your ear.

“Think I’m just gonna spend all day right here.” He purred, his fingers skimming over your thighs then digging into your hips and dragging your ass to the edge of the counter. “Val can figure out the logistics for the meeting.”

“I’m sure she can handle... fuck... handle it.” Your breath hitched when he knelt in front of you and started kissing the insides of your thighs, occasionally sucking a bruise against your soft flesh.

He breathed against your entrance and you keened, winding a hand through his hair and trying to drive yourself into his face. When he finally flicked his tongue out to taste you, you almost collapsed, a jolt of pleasure shooting through your body from your core. His arms wound around your legs and kept you still as he ate you out like a starving man, his tongue swirling expertly through your folds and lapping up all the evidence of your arousal.

The sound of his phone buzzing across the counter almost broke you out of your blissful haze, blinking slowly as you turned your head to look at the offensive object.

“Don’t you dare.” He mumbled when you reached for the phone, diving back in and sucking at your pussy lips before sliding his tongue inside you.

“Jesus, Thor!” You managed to catch yourself on your elbow when your arm gave out as his nose brushed against your clit.

His grin faded when the phone buzzed again and he growled against your cunt, the vibrations making you clench around his tongue when he curled it inside you.

“Baby, it’s Val.” You’d managed to catch a glimpse of the caller ID. “She wouldn’t be calling if it wasn’t important.”

“I’m busy.” He grunted, pressing soft kisses over your mound to give you a short reprieve before shaking his head to bury himself deeper at the same time he wrapped his lips around your clit.

“Fuck!!” All the muscles in your body seized as your orgasm washed over you, your cum soaking his stubble when you finally released all over his face.

If you thought he was finished you were wrong, screaming when he shoved two fingers inside you while he flicked soft kitten licks against your tiny bundle of nerves. Your pathetic whimpers and mewls filled the silence of the kitchen while he took you apart, scissoring his fingers to stretch you before inserting a third and grinning when you arched into his face.

He ignored the screeching of tires from outside, still fucking you with his fingers when he heard a car door slam and the front door flew open.

“Hey boss, Y/N.” Val had a wicked grin on her face when she sauntered into the kitchen, moving to the fridge and grabbing an apple before turning to watch the two of you. “Hate to interrupt but we’ve got a bit of a problem.”

Thor growled into your pussy and you whined, writhing against his face while he raised his free hand and motioned for Val to continue.

“We found a rat in the shipyard crew.” She pulled out her butterfly knife and flicked it open with a flourish, winking at you before slicing off a chunk of apple and bringing it to her lips.

“Are you fucking kidding me?! Cop?” His fingers were still stroking that sweet spot when he broke away with a scowl, and you swallowed a shriek when he started taking his frustration out on your cunt.

“Don’t think so, he had a lot of money coming in from some West Coast accounts.” She cocked her head and grinned at you when he started mouthing at your sex again, a desperate moan leaving your lips. “Think Stark might be considering making a move.”

“That’s all I fucking need.” He murmured against your pussy. “You stash him?”

“Yeah, at the lab.”

Maybe you should have felt a little demeaned that the two of them were talking like you weren’t even there, but all you could focus on was the warm coil of pleasure that was gathering in your abdomen and the effort you were taking to not black out.

“Good. Lemme finish up here then I’ll head out.”

“Sure thing boss.” She gave you one more smirk and tossed the apple core in the compost bin before turning to leave. “You may want to put down a towel, when she starts breathing like that it usually means she’s about to squirt.”

His dark chuckle against your clit did it, your back arching you off the counter as you let out a wail. He wrapped his lips around your cunt and moaned when your release squirted into his mouth, his tongue laving over your entrance as he swallowed your essence while you vibrated against his face.

It took a few minutes for you to come down, panting breathlessly as he rose to his feet and grinned at you.

“Dunno how I should feel about Val knowing so much about what your body does when you come, love.” He teased, his fingers lightly skimming over your thighs.

“Maybe if you weren’t constantly fucking me in front of her.” Your brain was finally starting to reset, and you started to sit up with a low moan, your thighs quivering with the strain of aftershocks. 

“Right.” He pressed a kiss to your hair before stepping back and running his hand over his mouth. “Go get dressed, you’re coming with me.”

You beamed at him and slowly slid off the counter, your smile slipping slightly when your knees buckled and he had to catch you, pulling you to his chest with a grin.

“You sure you want that, baby?” The weakness in your legs was fading quickly, and you managed to stand on your own to head towards the bedroom. “Last time you almost killed that guy when you though he was looking at me too long.”

“I’m sure, I had big plans for that perfect body today, I’m not putting those off because of some rat.”

“Fuck, that’s it.” His hand gripped your hair painfully when you swallowed around his cock, his head leaning against the seat as the town car pulled up to the lab. “Oh good girl, take all of it.”

You hummed and he let out a hiss when your throat constricted around him at the same time he swelled and shot his release against the roof of your mouth. He held your head down while his hips jerked against your face with a stutter, making sure you’d gotten everything before letting you go to sit back up.

“Feel better?” You teased, grabbing your compact and lipstick from your purse to fix your face.

“For now. That mouth of yours is something else.” He tucked himself back into his slacks with a deep sigh before turning to look at the building you were parked in front of. “But now I gotta deal with this shit.”

“I know, baby.” His breathing relaxed a little when you wound your fingers through his and pressed your lips to his palm. “You want me in the room?”

“Always.” The two of you slid out of the car and started to head inside, separating reluctantly to at least try to appear professional. “Wanna say hello to the big man first though, heard he might have something new for me.”

You perked up at that. Bruce was always a treat to talk to, such an unbelievably sweet and unassuming man. And he was a goddamn genius when it came to drugs.

“Hi there boss. Y/N! What a nice surprise!” That smile was infectious, you couldn’t help but grin back at him while Thor inspected the small collection of parachute papers on the lab table, each one emblazoned with the signature lighting bolt.

“Hiya Bruce.” You gave him a brief hug before following him to where your man was standing. “I heard you’ve been busy.”

“Yeah, been tinkering with the old Mjolnir formula and think I finally hit that sweet spot.” He looked at the small pieces of paper like a proud father before handing one to you for inspection. “I call it Stormbreaker. Extremely fast acting MDMA compound that gives an incredible high while metabolizing in half the time. I think we should be able to roll it out full scale in time for Spring Break.”

Thor nodded appreciatively as you talked with Bruce about the specifics of the chemistry, always eager for the chance to talk to another academic and geek out.

“And it’s more intense than Mjolnir?” You asked, squinting at the tiny piece of paper in your palm.

“Sure is.”

“Half dose, gorgeous.” Thor scolded when you started to bring the paper to your mouth. “Don’t need you passing out on me.”

You rolled your eyes at him as Bruce gave a sheepish grin, taking the paper you were holding and measuring out a smaller dose for you. Thor smirked at you when you waggled the new paper at him before swallowing it.

“Oh, shit.” Warmth bloomed in your core and spread through your body on thin tendrils, snaking through your veins as a low throbbing started between your thighs and your head became instantly lighter. “Fuck, that’s intense. Umm... is this cut with something new?”

“No we just upped the purity, why?”

“No reason.” You gasped, gripping Thor’s forearm tightly as slick flooded your panties.

He was giving you a knowing grin while you leaned into his shoulder, moaning softly when you inhaled the subtle pink pepper and lemon scent of his cologne, quiet notes of orange blossom drifting through as all of your senses ramped up. Poor Bruce just looked at the two of you with confusion when you rubbed your face into Thor’s chest.

“I think we can move to full scale production of this immediately.” Thor knocked his rings against the table twice to show his approval, wrapping his arm around your waist and holding you up when you started to grind against him. “Good job, Banner.”

“Ready for you boss.” Val came striding into the room and laughed when she got a look at you trying resist the urge to hump Thor’s leg. “I see we let Y/N try the big man’s new sex drug. How you feelin’ there sweetie?”

“I feel fucking great Val, what about you?” Maybe if you squeezed your thighs together... oh god. Your legs almost gave out as a shock traveled up your spine and burst at the base of your skull.

“Not as good as you!”

You finally started to equalize and gave Thor a pat on the shoulder to signal you could walk, straightening yourself before the two of you followed after his lieutenant.

The two of you arrived at the side room a little behind Val, Thor releasing you with a hungry kiss that left you breathless before he was slipping out of his suit jacket and tossing over the back of the armchair he’d had brought in for you. You snarled at him for leaving you hanging as you sank into the seat and pouted, admiring the movement of his well muscled back under his shirt as he rolled up his sleeves.

“What’s this asshole’s name Val?” He asked, looking at the tools she had set out on the table with a nod before turning to the man that was strapped to the chair in the middle of the room.

“Fuck if I know.” She said with a snort, grabbing a set of brass knuckles and putting them on as she flexed her hand.

You crossed your legs and reached into your bag to pull out a book, flipping it open to the marked page as you did your best to tune them out, unsuccessfully.

“Right, what’s your name?” Aside from a slightly furrowed brow, he looked remarkably calm, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the wall.

“Tim.” The man licked his lips nervously as he watched your man, completely ignoring Val as she prowled towards him.

That was a mistake.

She drew her fist back and drove it into his cheek, grabbing the back of the chair to keep it from teetering over when his upper body snapped to the side. He chest heaved as he took pained breaths, spitting blood down his chest before raising his eyes to watch her warily.

“Tim. I’ve got three questions for you, and you’re going to answer them for me.” He hefted the silver hammer that was laying on the table and rested it against his shoulder. “You get three chances to answer with just Val providing incentive, then I’m gonna take over, and trust me when I say you don’t want that.”

“Ok.” The poor sap kept one eye on Val as he tried to straighten back up.

“Good.” He started tossing the hammer in the air lazily, catching it in one hand like it was the easiest thing in the world and he didn’t know that sort of cocky display was going to turn you into a wet mess. “Who’s paying you? How long have they been paying you? What have you told them?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I work for you.”

“Oof, wrong answer.”

Val tsked at him mockingly before driving her fist into his ribs, knocking all the air out of him as Thor walked over to stand next to you. You huffed when he pulled your book away and sat on the armrest next to you, your protests dying on your lips when he ran his fingers up your spine and started rubbing your neck, his other hand spinning the handle of the hammer through his fingers.

“Let’s try again. Who’s paying you? How long have they been paying you? What have you told them?”

“I’m not...”

“Hmph, Val?”

She backhanded his unbruised cheek with a smirk, stepping back and shaking the blood off her fingers when she was finished. You barely caught any of it, the drugs still coursing through your system making the feel of Thor’s hands on you so much more intense. When he brought his massive hand up to cup your jaw you whined, opening your mouth just enough to let him slip his thumb between your lips.

“Last chance, Timmy. I gotta tell you I’m torn. As much as I love using this hammer, my girl here took a little something that is gonna make fucking her even better than normal.” He slid his thumb further into your mouth and groaned when you swirled your tongue around it. “So I’d really like to wrap this up. Who’s paying you? How long have they been paying you? What have you told them?”

The man turned his eyes to you and gave you a pleading look. “Please, help me.”

Thor and Val broke down in hysterics, Thor curling over to laugh into your hair while Val doubled over and clutched her sides.

“Ha, oh that’s the wrong move!” Thor was finally able to sit up as his laughter subsided, but tears were starting to leak down Val’s cheeks while she wheezed. “Even if she could help you, she loves on this shit. She probably wants me to start using this hammer, last time she started touching herself before I even finished.”

His hand curled possessively around your throat when you shrugged at poor Tim before flicking your eyes back to Thor’s when he bent to kiss you hungrily.

“Answer the fucking questions, Timmy boy.” Val turned to him with an eye roll while Thor teased you with his tongue until you were moaning.

“I don’t know anything!”

“Goddamn it! Sorry love.” You whined when he disconnected from you and stood up, starting to unbutton his shirt so he could slide it off his shoulders.

Not that you could complain when he was standing there in only his undershirt, rolling his neck as he walked towards the center of the room.

“Bring the table, Val.”

She dragged it over with a grin, dropping it once she reached them and moving to unbind Tim’s right hand. He started spluttering pathetic pleas when she stretched his arm over the table painfully and wrenched his hand open while Thor hefted the hammer with a heavy sigh.

“Thor.” You called out to stop him before he brought the hammer down on Tim’s hand.

“Yeah, what is it honey?” He shot you an exasperated look over his shoulder as he ran his hand through his hair.

“You’ll want to hit the wrist not the palm. More nerve endings.”

His hearty laugh made you smile, leaning back in your seat and curling your legs under you as you settled in to watch.

“Thank you, baby.” He turned back to Tim with a wicked grin. “Isn’t she something special, Timmy?”

“Wait, fuck! I’ll talk!” The man screamed right before the hammer made contact.

“Ohh, nick of time!” Only Val looked a little disappointed, moving to restrain Tim’s hand again. “Who’s paying you?”

“One of Stark’s lieutenants, I think his name is Hogan.”

“Excellent. How long?”

“Six months.”

“Very good Tim. Now, tell Val everything you told that fat fuck and then we’ll let you go.” He nodded to Val before striding towards you and drawing you to your feet, tossing you over his shoulder and slapping your ass playfully as he started heading back to the front of the building. “You got room at the body farm, beautiful?”

“Yeah, let me know when your dropping him so I can make sure I’m working that night.”

He shoved you into the back seat of the town car when it pulled up, grinning when you squealed for him as he crawled in after you.

“How long do we have until the Stormbreaker is out of your system?” He pulled you into his lap and buried his face in your neck as he shoved his fingers under the hem of your skirt.

“Bruce said it metabolizes in half the time so probably 2 more hours.” You sighed when he teased his fingers under the sides of your panties and started sliding them down your legs.

“Perfect, let’s see how many times I can make you come before then.” He turned to drop you against the seat, tucking your panties in his back pocket before moving his hands to undo his fly. “Bet I can make you pass out, you’re already fucking soaked.”

“Don’t you fucking tease me. I’ve been on the edge for the past half hour, I need that cock.”

“God, you know I love when you talk like that.” He growled as he spread your legs wide, hissing through his teeth when he got a look at the wet, throbbing mess between your thighs. “Just look at that. Tell me how much you need it, gorgeous.”

“Fuck, Thor, gimme that cock.” You were burning up, your breath coming in shallow gasps as he teased his tip against your clit. “Need it to split my pussy open.”

“Yeah, she hungry for it?” He groaned as he slid into you, mesmerized while he watched you swallow every inch of him. “Fuuuck.”

“Oh my god, keep going.” You thumped your fist against the door when he started thrusting into you with abandon. “Shit, I’m gonna come.”

“Jesus, that was fast.” He curled over you and swallowed your scream as you fluttered around him. “I’m gonna give Banner a raise.”

“I really think you should.” You murmured, whining into his mouth when you came again almost immediately.

“You’re taking me so good, beautiful.” He purred, grinning when you wrapped your arms around his neck. “Making such a pretty mess for me. You keep this up you’re gonna pass out before we even get back to the house.”

You took a deep breath when he pulled out, grateful for the relief before he was flipping you over and driving back into you hard, ripping another orgasm from you. Your jaw went slack as you pressed your face to the leather seat, drool starting to leak down your chin while you mumbled incoherently.

“Can’t.” Tears were streaming down your cheeks when you fluttered with even more pleasure. “Baby, I can’t.”

“Oh, yes you can, honey. You’re already doing it.” He nuzzled into your hair and pressed his lips to your neck, winding his fingers with yours above your head. “Just gimme one more, I’m so close.”

You choked on a sob and your vision blacked out as you clenched around him one final time, sinking into the seat while he filled you up with a low moan.

“Jesus fuck. You with me love?” He pulled out of you slowly, grinning when he heard you mumble into the seat. “We’re home.”

All you could do was groan when he scooped you up to carry you inside, not able to make yourself care that your skirt was still gathered around your waist and your lower half was completely bare. The sensation of the fresh air on the combination of your releases made you gasp, squeezing your thighs together as even more slick leaked out of you.

“Already?” He teased when you sat up to bury your face in his throat. “That genius is gonna make me so much fucking money.”

It was 90 minutes later and you were finally coming out of your haze, soaking your overworked muscles in your massive tub as you leaned back against Thor’s chest and hummed to yourself while he rubbed the kinks out of your shoulders and arms.

He had spent the past hour and a half wringing every ounce of pleasure from your body, making you come over and over as he fucked every one of your holes. You’d passed out three more times, each time waking up to his face buried between your thighs as he started the whole process all over again.

Taking you apart was his favorite thing, especially when you were on something and extra sensitive. He loved when you were completely fucked out, crying all pretty for him and covered in cum. You were always so needy after, content to let him take care of you while you basked in your post coital glow.

He looked at the clock and groaned, pressing his lips to your hair before rising out of the water. You just sighed, watching appreciatively as rivulets of water ran over the muscles of his back. God his ass was just fantastic.

“Y/N.” His deep voice snapped you out of your little daydream as he ran a towel through his hair, beaming as he turned to look at you. “We need to leave in an hour.”

“Ugh, fine.” You frowned when he wrapped the towel around his hips and started to move to the closet to choose a suit, getting out of the tub with reluctance. “Is this a panties or no panties type of meeting?”

“It’s at Thrudheim.” He called over the blow dryer as you worked on your hair.

“So, no panties.” You sighed, flipping over as you continued the slow process of getting ready.

It was a half hour later when you strolled out of the bathroom, your hair and makeup perfect as you moved to your own closet. Thor was fastening his cuff links when strode into the bedroom, wearing that white suit that he knew was your favorite.

“No, the leather one.” He ordered when you pulled out your go to red mini number.

“Really?!” You put the red dress back and pulled out the black thing he was indicating. “That’s how you want to play this?”

“Absolutely.” He grinned as he watched you slip it on and start to draw the zipper up your front. “That’s far enough, want everyone to see that ink.”

His fingers reached out to trace your tattoo, the handle of the hammer that ran between your breasts before the head spread underneath them. It marked you as his, and fuck if he didn’t start to get hard every time he saw it.

“Nuh-uh, we’re on a timetable.” You chuckled as you moved to pick out some heels, settling on some sparkly stiletto booties. “Are you going to be able to control yourself tonight?”

“I’ll do my best, but you’re so damn distracting.” He wrapped himself around your back and pressed his lips to your shoulder when the two of you started moving towards the stairs.

“That is the idea.” You teased, shoving him off you so the two of you didn’t trip as you walked downstairs.

Val and Heimdall were chatting in the foyer when you arrived, stopping their conversation and turning to face you.

“They’ve been at the club for about 20 minutes, boss.” Heimdall said, holding your door open for you as you climbed into the SUV. “Sif says they’re starting to look a little pissed.”

“Good.” Thor crawled in after you and slammed the door closed, wrapping an arm around your shoulders as Heimdall pulled out after the other SUVs in the caravan. “I’m pissed they’ve been putting this off for the past three months. They can wait an extra hour. I’m guessing that both of them made it out.”

“Yep, Barnes and Rogers both landed this morning.” Val turned in her seat to look at you two, that signature smirk of hers teasing the corners of her lips. “Guess they finally realized there wasn’t some secret port they could sneak their coke through.”

“How many men with them?” Thor started running his fingers over your arm lazily while you leaned against his chest.

“Just three. Romanoff, Barton, and Wilson.”

“Alright, make sure Volstagg, Hogun, and Fandral are in position before we arrive.”

You gave his thigh a squeeze, feeling the nervous energy that was radiating off him in waves. He always got like this before a big meeting. No matter how calm he seemed on the surface, you could always see the thunderstorms of anticipation brewing behind his eyes. It was best to let him think in silence, so you just snuggled against his chest for the rest of the ride, letting your warm presence soothe him as much as possible.

The line of SUVs arrived at Thrudheim in 30 minutes, and you felt Thor take a deep breath before Heimdall opened the door and the two of you stepped out into the night.

You bypassed the massive queue for the door, Val moving in front of you and Heimdall behind as you stepped into the noisy chaos of Thor’s flagship club. It was packed as always, writhing bodies filling the dance floor while other revelers gathered around the multiple bars or in private booths.

Sif moved to join you as you walked past the club’s entrance, leaning close to Val to update her on the situation. You spotted Fandral at the main bar and he gave you a nod as you moved past. Hogun and Volstagg must have been close by, but there was no way to spot them in the press of bodies while you made your way towards the VIP section at the back of the club.

Thor wrapped his arm around your waist as you drew closer, grinning at you when you slapped his chest when he made adjustments to your tits until they were practically spilling out of your dress. That was the game you two played though; him negotiating aggressively and methodically while you distracted his targets by looking like the embodiment of sin. He loved watching the morons he had to deal with look at you like they wanted to eat you alive, knowing all the while that he’d be fucking you until you were screaming as soon as the deal was closed.

You finally arrived at the VIP lounge and started to size up Thor’s potential new partners when you stepped past the velvet ropes. Val and the cute little redhead were giving each other almost identical smirks as the mohawked man she was talking to rolled his eyes. It was hard not to return the charming smile of the handsome man who was leaning against one of the pillars, and when his brown eyes met yours he gave you a wink.

It felt like a punch in the gut when your eyes finally found the two men you were there to meet, and the very unwelcome thought that god gave you three holes for a reason crossed your mind.

You were drawn to the blonde first, his broad shoulders looking like they were about to burst the seams of his well tailored suit jacket. His shirt was unbuttoned enough that you could see lines of ink tracings his chest, matching the scrolls that ran over the backs of his hands and ringed fingers. Even in the dim light of the club, you could make out the deep blue of his eyes, the corners pinched with annoyance. He ran a hand over his perfectly manicured beard in frustration before his movements suddenly stopped when his eyes found you.

The brunette seemed far more relaxed, seated on one of the plush couches with his legs spread wide and a drink in his hand. He didn’t seem to be as tatted up as the blonde, but you still spotted a few swirls of ink under the loosened collar of his shirt. You were surprised when you saw the glint of metal from his left hand, wondering what injury had caused him to lose the arm and also how that neural link must work. His eyes seemed to be twinkling with mischief, and when they followed the blonde’s his face split in a grin after he ran his tongue over his bottom lip slowly.

You did your best to school your thoughts when you turned back to Thor, but the smile he was giving you made you worried he knew exactly what you were thinking. That was either a very bad or very good thing, depending on how the rest of the night went.

“Odinson! Nice to finally put a face to the name.” The brunette stood up and strode towards the two of you. “Bucky Barnes.”

Thor took his hand when he offered, returning the man’s grin warmly as he removed his arm from around your waist.

“Would’ve been nicer to put a face to the name an hour ago.” The blonde growled, his eyes still fixed on you as you finally started to calm down.

“Forgive Steve here, he’s been a little impatient to get things underway.” The two of you followed after Barnes as he moved back to the couches, sinking into the one opposite him as Thor motioned for a waitress.

“Completely understandable. I know I’ve been anxious to get this taken care since we first made contact three months ago.” And the passive aggressive foreplay had begun. Thor ordered ordered a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Aquavit as well as three bottles of champagne for the group, adding a bottle of bourbon when he got a look at the drink in Barnes’ hand.

“I know, I know. We hated having to delay, but there were so many complications with the logistics there was really no choice.” He was a good liar, like you all didn’t know they’d been trying to back door their way into the Miami market without paying their dues. “Stevie, quit being a fucking grouch and come sit.”

You could feel his eyes on you as he moved to join you three, the lieutenants following after and arranging themselves around the couches with a false air of relaxation.

“Now, I think we all know who almost everyone else is, we’ve got our reputations and such that proceed us.” Bucky’s eyes moved back to you when the drinks arrived. “But I got no idea who you are doll, and me and Stevie here aren’t big on surprises.”

You beamed at him, leaning over nice and slow so they had a good view of your tits as you poured yourself some Aquavit.

“I’m Y/N.” You said teasingly, leaning back as you took a sip of your drink and felt their eyes follow you. “I’m just here to look pretty.”

“Well, you’re doing a great job.” Bucky gave you a wink before pouring his own drink.

“Enough fucking small talk, let’s get this over with.” Steve grumbled, his rings tapping against his glass irritably.

“Fine by me.” Thor took the glass of vodka you handed him and tossed it back in one gulp. “You want to move your product into my city, but I’ve got a pretty good corner on the narcotics market out here. Why should I split my profits with you boys?”

“You’ve got the edge on the MDMA market sure, but we’ve heard that your coke is barely above the cut.” He motioned for the redhead to step forward and she deposited a brick of white powder in the middle of the table. “That’s what we offer.”

Thor held your shoulder when you started to lean forward towards the coke, shaking his head with a small smile when you pouted at him.

“And this is supposed to be better than what my boys are already turning out?” He looked skeptical.

“Why don’t you try it and tell us.” Rogers growled, starting to look a little more relaxed as he sipped his bourbon.

“I’m sure you boys are on the up and up, but if you think I’m just gonna take a bump of unopened product from a couple of strangers...”

“Say no more.” Bucky gave him a dismissive wave of his hand before pulling a knife out from under his jacket with a flourish and plunged it into the brick. He scooped a small bump onto the edge of the blade and brought it to his face, inhaling deeply then sinking back into the couch with a satisfied smirk. “See? Nothing to worry about.”

Thor gave a snort before leaning forward and dipping his pinkie into the powder, shoving the coated finger into his mouth and rubbing it over his gums.

“Hmm, that’s fast.” He hummed with appreciation, taking another quick bump before resting his elbows on his knees. “Think we can find a place for this with our distributors.”

“You want a taste, sweetheart?” Rogers’ eyes were dark as pulled his own knife out and offered you a line off the blade.

You turned to Thor and he gave you a small nod, continuing his negotiations with Barnes as you leaned towards Steve. He grinned wolfishly as he watched you snort the powder off the edge of his weapon, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth when he saw your chest heave as the stimulant hit your system.

“Oh, fuck.” Every nerve in your body started buzzing with electricity, your spine shivering as the high took over. “Jesus Christ, that’s good shit.”

Rogers ran the tip of his blade over your bottom lip gently, tugging your mouth open with a low moan before Thor’s voice broke you out of it.

“How you feeling, love?” He wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you towards him, trying not to give Rogers too much of a shit eating grin when he saw his look of disappointment.

“Like I could fight a rhino.” You hummed, arching your back with pleasure while you leaned against him.

“Yeah? Maybe later.” He pressed his lips to your hair before turning back to his new partners. “So, free use of the ports and our land distribution network, and I get a 25% cut of all Miami profits. We’ll also start moving Mjolnir and Stormbreaker in New York, giving you 15% of those profits.”

“Why should we get 10% less than you, Odinson?” Steve was starting to look pissed again, bouncing the blade of his knife off the palm of his hand. “We’re taking on just as much risk.”

Thor moved his hand down to your hip and tapped his fingers against it, turning his head and giving you a conspiratorial wink. You beamed at him before rotating your body slightly, making sure both men’s eyes were on you before uncrossing your legs. Their reactions were everything you wanted, Steve sucking his breath in a hiss and his knuckles turning white around his glass while Bucky growled and bit his bottom lip. You gave them a few seconds to enjoy the view of the glistening treasure between your thighs before crossing your legs again and resting your head against Thor’s shoulder, a look of doe eyed innocence on your face as you ran your fingers over his chest.

“You’re making less because I am providing all of the infrastructure for shipping and distribution here in Miami, whereas all you can offer me in New York is your established client base.” His hand moved up to cup your breast, smirking as he watched the two men start to squirm when his fingers teased at the edge of your neckline that was barely containing you. “Plus I’ll give you boys some introductions to my international connections, since I know you’ve been looking to spread operations overseas.”

“Qu’en penses-tu?” Barnes eyes were still fixated on you as he started chatting with Rogers in French.

“Je n'aime pas ça.” The blonde growled, his eyes moving to your legs as you started rubbing your thighs together. “Nous en avons besoin, cependant.”

“Il est le seul à avoir accès à elle.” Bucky said with a nod, turning to face Steve with reluctance as they talked things over.

You did your best to act like you weren’t listening, giggling when Thor bent his head to run his tongue over the shell of your ear. He grabbed the bottle of Aquavit and refilled your glass for you before pouring himself another vodka, leaning over the back of the couch to give Val a nod. She grinned back at him before turning away to find Sif.

“We can accept giving you 20% of any Miami profits if you cut us in for 5% of shipping revenue from your ports.” Rogers grumbled with a shrug, the two men turning to face you again.

“Hmm, what do you think, love?” Thor gripped your chin lightly and tilted your head up to look in your eyes.

“I think you should stick to the original offer of 25%, babe. They’re hoping to undercut your dealings with Danvers and edge you out once you make an introduction.”

“What the fuck?!” Steve looked furious, reaching into his waistband for his gun before Thor drew his own first and leveled it at his head.

Bucky and you were the only two who seemed relaxed as everyone drew weapons. The three Lieutenants trained theirs on you and Thor while Heimdall pointed his at Barnes. Val and Sif arrived then and dropped the massive duffel they were carrying, Sif pulling a revolver from her thigh holster while Val drew a pair of desert eagles from under her jacket with an excited grin and aimed at the three who had their guns pointed at you.

You and Barnes looked at each other appreciatively, he was giving you a wicked grin as the tension rose quickly, everyone waiting for someone else to do something.

“Let’s all just take a couple deep breaths and relax.” Bucky clapped Steve’s shoulder until he sat back with a grunt, letting go of his grip on the gun. “So, you’re just here to look pretty, doll?”

“Sorry, I didn’t give you my full name, Bucky, we like to keep things low key. Thor?”

“Meet Dr. Y/N Y/L/N, boys, professor of biological and forensic anthropology at the University of Miami. What are your ph.Ds in again, love?”

“You’ve already mentioned two, but we also have antiquities, art history, archaeology, and the big one, linguistics.”

“She’s a bit of a polyglot.” He gave you a proud grin as he tucked his pistol away and everyone else finally eased up. “That’s why she’s in charge of international relations, and she always comes to negotiations with me. Can’t tell you how many bad deals this girl has gotten me out of.” You beamed when he cupped your cheek lovingly and took another swig of vodka. “She also runs the body farm.”

“That’s not just a rumor?” Everyone on the other side of the table was giving you appraising glances now as Steve whistled through his teeth. “That’s supposedly the whole reason the feds haven’t been able to pin any hits on you.”

“Not a rumor.” You kissed his palm before he removed it and turned back to them. “Listen, I like you gentlemen, even though you tried to pull one over on me. It’s understandable, Carol’s operation is a pie everyone wants their fingers in. So, here’s the new offer, I take 30% of Miami profits, you get 7% of anything I move in New York, Y/N here arranges for some international introductions for you, and I arrange for all of us to have a meeting with Miss Danvers.”

“They’re also having issues with Stark’s attempts to expand, baby.” You leaned forward and took Thor’s knife when he offered it, scooping out more coke and arranging it in a couple of lines before rolling a Benjamin and snorting it off the table.

“God, I forgot about that fucker.” He took the bump you offered him with a scowl. “That asshole giving you boys trouble too?”

“Yeah.” Steve and Bucky both looked pissed now. “He poached our Queens wunderkind a month ago and we’re pretty sure he’s got at least one mole planted.”

“Well, seems that a partnership would be extremely beneficial then. Need to keep that cocksucker on the west coast where he belongs.”

“Agreed.” Bucky sighed, Steve just grunting his acquiescence. “Partners then?”

Thor grinned and offered his hand, finally relaxing when Bucky took it and shook. Steve actually smiled a little bit when he gripped his wrist tightly, the muscles in his neck loosening as he rolled his head from side to side with relief.

“Fantastic, let’s celebrate! Evie, we need champagne flutes all around and tell Mark to bring us the box of Cubans I have in the back office.” The waitress wandered off to do as instructed as Sif walked forward and dropped the duffel next to the opposite couch. “And, because I know it can sting when you think you’re gonna get away with something and the rug gets pulled out from under you, here’s a little signing bonus so there’s no hard feelings.”

Rogers actually grinned when he opened the duffel to piles of cash, turning back to the two of as he handed it off to the charming looking man who had been leaning against the pillar.

“I think this is gonna work out just fine, Buck.”

“Evie, thank you sweetheart.” Thor smiled warmly when the server got back with the stemware and cigars, handing her three hundred dollar bills before she walked off again with a blush. “Let’s drink to getting stupid fucking rich.”

You all tossed back your champagne with a chorus of whoops before diving into the revelry. Thor offered you a few puffs of his cigar before tucking between his teeth and leaning forward to talk with his new partners about all the new things Carol was doing. He squeezed your hand when you pressed a kiss to his shoulder before standing up and stretching, moving away to find Val and Sif.

“You ladies wanna come dance with me?” You asked when you found the two of them chatting with the redhead. “That coke’s got me feeling like I’m full of bees.”

“Let’s do it!” Val said with a grin, leading the four of you out of the roped off section and towards the dance floor. “This is Nat by the way.”

“Hi Nat, nice to meet you!” Val started shoving people out of the way when you reached the floor, making sure you had room to move without getting humped by idiots.

“You too! Sorry I pointed a gun at your head!” She gave you an apologetic shrug as she shouted over the music.

“Please, it happens.” You waved her off and started rolling your hips to the rhythm.

“I got shots!” Sif said, grabbing the four tiny glasses off the tray and proffering them.

You hissed at her after you tossed it back. “Goddamn it Sif, tequila?”

“Yes, tequila!!”

You just shook your head as the four of you started dancing, the rest of the crowd giving you a small circle of space. Even with the extra room, Val and Nat were right against each other, their hips rolling together while they stared each other down. Sif and you just grinned at each other as you watched the two of them.

“Oh my god, just fuck already!” You teased when Nat tucked her face into Val’s neck, earning a glare from her. “There’s no one in the basement office tonight.”

“Unlike you, I don’t have the luxury of getting fucked when I’m in the middle of working, I have to save that shit for my own time. Speaking of which, looks like he wants you back.”

Heimdall gave the four of you a smile when he walked up, cocking his head and tapping his finger against his thigh impatiently as you moved slowly to follow after him with a half hearted pout.

“Sorry, Y/N. You know how he gets once he closes a deal.” He walked behind you back to the VIP section, staring down a few different men who looked like they were thinking of approaching you.

“I know, Heimdall. It’s one of the things I love about him. How much coke has he had?”

“Kjære!!” Thor’s voice boomed over the din of the club when he spotted you, answering your question when he stood on the couch and spread his arms wide with joy.

“Kjæreste!” You beamed at him, yelping when he jumped off the couch and bounded towards you to toss you over his shoulder and carry you back to where his new partners were waiting.

He dropped you on the couch with a small huff before curling over and devouring your mouth with his. Your breath left with him when he pulled away, sinking next to you before pulling your legs over his lap with a happy sound.

“Can’t have a celebration without you love.” He grinned, bending over the table and scooping a good helping of cocaine onto his knife. “These boys got all sad after you left.”

“It’s true, doll.” Bucky said, his eyes blown wide from the drugs while he watched Thor rub some coke over your gums before reaching forward to kiss you again. “You might be the most interesting person here.”

Your light laugh turned into a moan when you felt the cool steel of Thor’s knife drag over your chest slowly, leaving a thin line of powder over the curve of your breast.

“I am pretty fascinating.” You teased, biting your lip when Thor bent forward and snorted the coke off your tit. “Did you have any questions you wanted to ask me?”

“Shit, I did but I can’t remember exactly what they were right now.” He was mesmerized as he watched Thor run another line over the opposite breast. “Steve?”

“I’ve got nothing.” Rogers tugged on the collar of his shirt when Thor uncrossed your legs and drew a line on the inside of your thigh before bending over and inhaling it slowly, moaning when the scent of you filled his lungs and added to his high.

“Fuck, that’s the best way to do lines.” He hissed as he sat back up, sniffling a few times before turning to the men who couldn’t stop staring at you. “You boys really ought to try it.”

A deep laugh rumbled his chest when all three of your heads snapped to him. Thor was extremely possessive, he loved using you to tease whoever he was dealing with, dangling you in front of them like bait before snapping you away and fucking you senseless. There was a meeting three months ago where some idiot put a hand on your leg and Thor had almost beat him to death before Heimdall and Val could pull him off.

You ran your tongue over your bottom lip nervously as you studied his face, trying to determine if he was playing some dangerous game with all of you that was going to end with you stitching someone up.

“I smelled you love.” He purred in your ear, drawing you to your feet and turning you until you were facing the two men, his breath fanning warmly over your neck as he pressed his chest to your back. “I’d love to believe that’s all for me, but you’ve been squirming ever since you set eyes on them.” You moaned when he started walking you towards where Barnes and Rogers were eyeing you hungrily. “But tell me you don’t want it and we can stop.”

“Fuck, you spoil me.” You grinned at him over your shoulder and accepted his soft kiss before moving to sit on the mirrored table. “Go ahead boys.”

Bucky leaned forward first with a deep growl, flipping his knife through his fingers before digging it into the cocaine and moving back to your chest. Your eyes turned to Steve’s as you gasped at the feel of the cold blade dragging over your breasts, grinning when you saw him start to palm his cock through his slacks. A low moan escaped your lips when Bucky leaned forward and inhaled the powder off your skin, his lips ghosting over the swell of your tits before he pulled back with a groan.

“You gotta try that Stevie.” He muttered, leaning back to scoop up more cocaine as his free hand brushed over your thigh, teasing the hem of your skirt up towards your hip as he spread your legs wide.

Steve stood up and prowled towards you as Bucky knelt between your thighs and started drawing lines over them with his blade. Your breath was starting to get shallow, and when Steve curled his hand lightly around your throat at the same time Bucky’s face skimmed over your leg you let out a whine. The blonde slid his jacket off and grabbed his own knife, his thumb tracing the swell of your bottom lip as he collected some powder.

Bucky had run out of blow but kept his face where it was, his lips pressing into your soft skin as he moaned at the smell of you. Steve moved very slowly, his thumb tracing your jaw while he pressed the flat of the knife against your chest.

The throbbing between your legs was starting to get too intense, and when Buck’s breath fanned over your core at the same time Steve pressed his face to your chest, you almost passed out. Steve let out a low moan as he buried his face between your tits, nuzzling them with a growl while you wound your fingers through his hair. He started drawing the zipper at the front of your dress down even further, his lips ghosting over every inch of exposed skin before the dress was completely undone.

”Fuck me.” Steve hissed, stepping back and taking you in with a satisfied hum. “You seeing this Barnes?”

Bucky rested his chin on your thigh for a beat, gazing up at you through his lashes and grinning as his eyes raked over your naked body.

”Yeah I see it. You’re a lucky man, Odinson.”

You turned your gaze over your shoulder and found Thor grinning at you, his bottom lip tucked between his teeth as he squeezed the outline of his cock through his slacks.

”That I am, but so are you boys. This is a one night only deal, and only because she wants it, otherwise I’d have killed the two of you hours ago.” The gleam in his eye was full of danger for a moment before it relaxed into lust. “You get to fuck her however she wants; eat her out, fuck her tits, feel those perfect lips or that tight ass wrapped around your cocks. But that pussy is mine, and if either of you even try to slip it into that pretty little hole, I can’t be held responsible for what I might do.”

”That seems fair to me,” Bucky said with a shrug. “Stevie?”

As soon as Thor had stopped talking Steve’s mouth was on yours, his teeth tugging on your lips until you opened up for him and he could curl his tongue against your own. Barnes just laughed before diving between your thighs, his arms wrapping around your legs as he mouthed hungrily at your sex. You whined into Rogers’ mouth when Bucky’s tongue found your clit at the same time Steve started rubbing his thumbs over your nipples, feeling his grin when you arched into his palms.

The way the two of them were working you over made you think this wasn’t their first time sharing. Every time Steve found one of your zones, Bucky’s tongue was right against your clit, making you want to scream. Steve’s hands were almost lazy in the way they traced your tattoo, the pads of his fingers still skimming over your nipples as he admired the artwork.

”Jesus Christ.” Was the only thing you could think of to say when Bucky’s nose rubbed against your clit at the same time he curled his tongue inside you.

”Not exactly, gorgeous.” Steve’s grin was wicked as he continued to trail his fingers over the ink that swirled between your breasts while you leaned against him. “This ink is fucking impressive, you should let me do a piece for you if you’re ever in New York.”

The answer you were about to give died in your throat when Bucky sucked on your clit and you came without warning, a jolt of electricity traveling up your spine as your release soaked his mouth and chin while you swallowed a shriek. He moaned into your cunt at the taste of your cum before leaning back on his heels and grinning at Steve.

”Your turn Stevie. Dunno if it’s the coke or her but I don’t think I’ve ever come from eating pussy before.”

Your eyes bulged when you saw the wet stain over the shrinking tent in his slacks, your chest swelling at the thought that nothing but the taste of you could make a man come undone.

  The two of them shifted to switch positions, the feel of Steve drawing lines on your thighs sending a small jolt of pleasure up your spine. Bucky tilted your head up so he could kiss you, sliding his tongue between your lips and grinning when you whined at the taste of yourself. You felt Steve’s beard scratching your skin when he pressed his face to your thigh and inhaled, growling when he finally got a close look at the plump and swollen prize between your legs.

”I dunno how he can get anything done with you around, doll.” Bucky purred as he started trailing his lips down your throat.

“We’re very good at multitasking.” You gasped, Bucky’s lips wrapping around your nipple at the same time Steve’s tongue ran over your slit in a heavy stripe.

His low chuckle vibrated your chest and made you keen, arching your back into him when he brought his metal hand up to palm your neglected breast. Steve’s tongue was still swirling lazily through your folds, savoring the taste of you while his cock throbbed against the edge of the couch. He shoved two fingers inside you and you choked on a sob when his lips wrapped around your clit.

Bucky’s tongue had raised your nipple to a sensitive peak, the brush of his lips over it sending a jolt through your body that echoed in your core, making you clench around Steve’s fingers with a gasp. The sensations were too much for you and you collapsed back against the table, Bucky following you and moving his face to your other breast while you wrapped your thighs around Steve’s neck.

You tilted your head back to find Thor, your body relaxing as much as it could when your eyes met his. The anger you were worried you would find wasn’t there, just pure desire as he watched the two men take you apart with lust blown pupils. He was still slowly palming his cock through his pants, and you moaned at the sight of his bulge growing larger while he looked at you.

”Are you close, love?” He grinned when you nodded at him, unable to speak as Steve flicked kitten licks against your clit while Bucky sucked on your nipple. “You go ahead and come for these boys one more time then I’ll fuck you like you deserve.”

It was like his permission was all you needed, your back arching off the table when your body spasmed and your release flowed into Steve’s mouth and over his beard. He and Bucky both groaned as they watched you come down, the occasional aftershock vibrating through your body as they stepped away with reluctance.

“Gentlemen, I look forward to a long a fruitful partnership. Please feel free to use of the lounge for the rest of the night.” Thor only had eyes for you as you slowly rose from the table on shaky legs and drew your dress closed to cover your nakedness. “Would really love to stay but I have some business to attend to in the top office.”

You felt their eyes following you as Thor wrapped his arm around your waist and started to guide you towards the office, Heimdall walking in front of you to clear the crowd out of the way. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and gave you a knowing grin as Thor started dragging you to the office.

Thor growled once he shoved you inside, slamming the door closed and cutting off the noise from the floor once you were alone in the soundproofed room.

“You did so fucking good baby.” He purred as he stepped into you, his hands roaming all over your body while he started walking you towards the wall of glass that looked out over the club. “Don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Well, you’d get fucked over a whole lot.” You teased, running your tongue over his bottom lip when he pressed his mouth to yours with a moan.

He chuckled against your lips, keeping your mouth molded to his while he turned the front of your body to press against the glass.

“Those two fuckers got one taste of you and I bet they’ll do anything you ask now.” He scraped his teeth over the curve of your neck towards you shoulder, slowly removing his suit jacket and shirt quickly. “They still watching, love?”

You found the lounge and grinned when you saw the two New Yorkers staring up at you from the floor, fighting the urge to give them a wave.

“Yeah, they are.” HIs hand curled lightly around your throat and you whined as he tilted your head back and started to drag the zipper of your dress down slowly. 

“Good.” He slid your dress off your shoulders and tossed it aside, rubbing his face in your hair as he worked at undoing his belt one handed. “Want them to watch you scream when you come all over my cock.”

He gave you no warning before spearing into you, grinning when you let out a satisfying shriek. You didn’t get a chance to adjust before he was thrusting into you violently, his hips slapping against your ass as he pressed your tits against the glass.

This was different from your slow afternoon lovemaking where he took his time drawing every drop of pleasure from your fucked out body. All he wanted when he was coked up after a deal was to take you fast like a damn animal, claiming you as his for everyone to see.

Fuck if you didn’t love every second of it.

Your legs started to shake as your pussy clenched around him, moaning when he wrapped a hand around your front to dig into your breast, his other hand increasing the pressure on your throat. He growled into your shoulder when you arched into his hand, pressing you even further into the glass while you whined.

“Close, I’m so close. I’m gonna come, don’t fucking stop.” He grinned at your babbling, somehow increasing his pace even more until you were literally bouncing off the glass. 

When he released your breast and hooked his hand under your knee, drawing it up to your waist and opening you up even further so the tip of his cock could kiss your cervix, you lost it. You let out an inhuman wail, tears streaming down your cheeks while your body tried to curl back on itself. He caught you before you collapsed, holding you up while you vibrated around him, your pussy milking his cock in waves as stars exploded behind your eyes.

You felt his cock throbbing inside you and hissed when he sank his teeth into your shoulder, warmth blooming from your core as he coated your satiny walls with thick ropes of spend. He fucked it into with stuttering jabs, his hips jerking erratically until his cock stopped twitching and started to soften. 

The two of you panted against each other, Thor scooping you up and turning you to face him as he slid out of you with a soft wet squelch. You hummed happily when he pressed his lips against yours and nipped at them softly. 

“Herregud, du er jævla perfekt, kjære ” He groaned, holding you close as the two of you sank to the floor. “Jeg lar deg aldri gå, du er min.“

“Jeg er din for alltid.” You murmured as he laid back against the floor, pressing your lips to the tattooed wreath of blåveis and bergfrue over his heart that marked him as yours. “Jeg elsker deg.”

Steve and Bucky turned their attention back to the lounge with reluctance, doing their best to ignore Sam and Clint’s shit eating grins. Rogers took another bump of coke before sinking into the couch and chugging directly from the bottle of bourbon. Barnes just grabbed another stogie, biting the end off and spitting it away before tucking it between his lips.

“Think we may need to get ourselves one of those, Stevie.”

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[harleybeaumont]

Between Friends

Part 1 of 2

Book: TRR AU

Pairings: Drake x Maxwell

Synopsis: Maxwell convinces the guys to go out partying to take a break from the stress of studying for finals. Liam tries to prove to everyone that he isn’t a perfect prince. Drake comes to terms with his sexuality, realizing that maybe the person he wants/needs has been there all along. 

A/N: I realize this may not be for everyone, as this is not how the TRR boys are typically depicted. I had this idea while watching a certain scene in season 2 of Elite (although it’s not exactly the same), so if you know the show you'll probably know exactly where this is going! And if you haven’t seen Elite and enjoy this, then I recommend watching it!

A/N 2: This was supposed to be a one shot, but at almost 9,000 words it kiiinda got away from me. So I’m splitting it into 2 parts. The first part has no smut, but as far as the second part goes.. You have been warned. I’m tagging the few people who are on my perma and maybe a few others, but don’t feel obligated to read this if it isn't your thing. 🙂 Feel free to tag anyone you think may like this. Thank you @angelasscribbles for being the one person I know will read this self-indulgent smut 🤣

Warnings: 🍋🍋🍋 Drake and Maxwell smut (mutual masterbation, slight exhibitionism), language, drinking, drug use, a little fluff too 😄

Word count - 3,860

Click to read Part 2 

18+ only

Between Friends - Pt 1

The week before finals in their third year of college was proving to be more than a little stressful. Liam, as usual, was hitting the books hard. Drake was trying his best to chug energy drinks and coffee to try and keep up with him. And Max, well he was doing his usual.. Coasting along and going with the flow. Which is why when he heard about a party from a classmate, he knew they had to go and relax.

He knocked on the door frame of Liam’s open bedroom in the dorm room the three of them shared. “Yo, guess what we're doing tonight?”

Liam looked up from his textbook briefly to turn Maxwell down. He already knew where this was going. “Studying.”

Drake yawned and laid his head back on the bed. “Sleeping.”

“No way losers! We’re partying!” Max ran in and jumped on the bed, causing Liam’s books to crash to the floor. “It’s Friday night!”

“It’s a week until finals!” Liam climbed off the bed and picked up his books. “We should all be studying.”

Drake, who was usually not one for partying, actually agreed with Max. “Li, we’ve been at it for weeks! My brain has turned to mush..”

Liam sighed and tossed the books onto his desk as he looked between them. “I know it doesn't matter as much to you guys, but I can't fail!”

“Dude, you have perfect grades! You couldn't fail if you tried!” Drake leaned back on his elbows as he spoke. Liam was the perfect student. He came to class early, stayed late to talk to the professors, and completed every extra credit assignment.

Max walked over to Liam and put an arm around him, getting close to his face. “Listen.. It’s not good for you to work so hard.” He pinched Liam’s cheek playfully. “You need to get out there and have some fun to reset your brain. Then you can get right back to it.”

Liam folded his arms and looked between the two of them who were giving him hopeful stares. “Fine.” He relented. “I will go have a drink or two. You guys can stay later if you want, but after that I’m heading back to study.”

“Ok dad.” Max chuckled and swatted Liam on his backside before heading out of the room. Drake rolled his eyes and headed to his own room to get dressed.

Once the three of them were ready, they took a cab to the party which turned out to be at someone’s mansion. The place looked like it was straight out of a music video. People were passed out on the lawn, frat guys were doing keg stands on the porch, and people were making out and dancing left and right. Max cheered, but Liam looked anxious. 

“Maybe we should go.'' Liam said nervously as he looked around. “If the press finds out that I’m here.. Well it would give a bad impression of the royal family.”

“Forget about the press!” Drake elbowed him. “And everyone here is blitzed out of their mind.. They won't even recognize you.”

This was probably true. Max ran over to a table with dozens of shot glasses and grabbed six, making his way back over to them. “Come on.. Drink up!”

“What is this?” Liam frowned as he sniffed his glass.

“Who cares?” Max said, knocking back both shots simultaneously. Drake shrugged and copied him. Liam sighed and downed the shots with a grimace. Ugh, tequila. 

Max grabbed Liam’s shoulders and shook him. “There we go. Loosen up baby. You need to relax!”

“Ya, ya.” Liam didn’t know how he let them talk him into coming here, but if he was here he may as well enjoy himself.. If only a bit.

A woman they recognized from one of their mutual classes, grabbed Drake's hands and pulled him out onto the makeshift dance floor, coercing him to dance with her. Max and Liam knew that Drake wasn’t into dancing, but the shots were clearly helping him relax. He shot a look over to Max who shrugged. Drake was having a tough time this year. He had been struggling with a lot of personal things.. Mostly with his sexuality. He hadn’t told Liam about it. They were close friends, but it wasn’t something he was ready to discuss with his childhood best friend yet. At least not until he was completely sure of what he wanted.

The only person Drake had confided in was Maxwell. Max found him crying in his room one night, and Drake broke down and told him. He had been holding it in for so long, he just couldn’t stop himself. Max had been out ever since highschool, so he understood how tough it was coming to terms with your sexuality and not fitting into the “norm” that many people expected from you. Maxwell was definitely into guys, but Drake seemed to be into both. Drake had only ever dated women before, but he was starting to admit to himself that he found men attractive. And that he wanted to experiment.

Max was trying to be helpful, but he wasn’t sure how. Maybe tonight he could help Drake out a little. Maybe get Drake to kiss a random guy to see what he thought. It seemed like they barely knew anyone here, so it wouldn’t be hard to find a random guy for him to try it out on.

Liam went off to find the restroom and Max pulled Drake aside.

“Hey.. so that guy over there has def been checking you out.”

Drake paled and looked around quickly to see if anyone had heard. “What!?”

Max tilted his head over to a guy standing in the corner drinking a beer. Drake glanced over and the man gave him an indulgent smile and tipped his beer toward him. Drake swallowed hard and turned back to Max, wide eyed. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Dude. You said yourself that you wanted to experiment.. Try out different things.” He elbowed Drake in the ribs. “There’s a hot guy over there who clearly wants you. Go kiss him! What better place than at a party with a guy you don’t know? That way if you hate it, you’ll never have to see him again.”

Drake’s mouth went dry. Talking about kissing another man was one thing, but actually doing it was terrifying. “I.. I don't know.” Drake stammered, looking around. “I don’t even know how to talk to him.”

“Just talk to him like you would any woman you were hitting on!”

Drake quirked an eyebrow in disbelief. “Really?”

“Ok, maybe don’t compliment his tits or anything like that.”  Max laughed, and Drake couldn’t help but join in. “Come on, I’ll go with you.”

Max grabbed his arm and led him across the room, and Drake’s heart was going a mile a minute. The man smiled brightly at the two of them as they got closer.

“Hey.” Max smiled at the man, who offered both of them a beer from the cooler beside him. “Thanks!” Max took the beer and nodded to Drake. “This is Drake, and I’m Max. We couldn’t help but notice you from across the room.”

“Is that right?” The man smiled. “I’m Antonio.”

Drake couldn't help but stare at Antonio’s lips and he licked his own, just thinking about kissing him. He was acting like a teenager again. This was so stupid, he needed to grow up. He was just talking to another person after all. 

“So, have you guys been together long?” Antonio asked, looking between Drake and Maxwell.

“Us?!” Drake laughed. “We’re just friends.”

Antonio smiled. “Oh. Well you’re both so hot I assumed..” he laughed heartily. “But that wouldn’t be fair to the rest of the world. The two hottest guys around, being a couple. You’d put everyone else to shame!”

“Wow.. uh thanks.” Max said in surprise. Drake and Max looked at each other shyly. This was the first time anyone had ever assumed they were together, that they knew of, and they were actually feeling a little embarrassed. 

Drake was curious as to why the man even assumed he was into guys. He had been dancing with a woman a few minutes earlier. Curiosity got the better of him and he had to ask. “Can I ask, uh.. Why you thought we were together?”

The man turned his head to the side thinking about his answer. “I can just tell. My gaydar doesn't lie.”

Drake choked on his drink and Max patted him on the back as he coughed. 

“Sorry.” Antonio said. “Maybe you’re not out yet? Or maybe I’m wrong.” He shrugged.

Max looked at Drake expectantly, but he was clearly tongue tied. “Um, well..” Max said hesitantly. He wasn’t going to be the one to out Drake. He was just about to make up an excuse to get him out of this uncomfortable situation, when Drake spoke up.

“You’re not wrong.” Drake said quietly before looking over at Maxwell’s shocked expression. He hadn’t planned on telling anyone yet, but telling a perfect stranger was surprisingly relieving. “I’m bisexual.”

Max gave Drake a surprised smile, staring at him with wonder. He seriously just said it. All year, Maxwell had been trying to help Drake accept this, but now Drake just said it like it was nothing. He couldn’t stop staring at him, studying his face in amazement. 

“Ah, see I told you I’m never wrong.” Antonio winked. “And I think my other assumption was correct as well.” He looked between Drake and Max knowingly before tapping his beer against theirs and heading off chuckling. Max and Drake stared at each other, dumbfounded before laughing awkwardly.

Drake looked away and took a long drink of his beer. Max nudged him with a smile. “So awkwardness aside.. I’m so proud of you.”

Drake smiled shyly, looking down at the floor before shrugging. “It just felt right.”

“It does, doesn't it?” Max smiled at him. “It feels so good to finally be honest with yourself, right?” 

“It really does.” Drake smiled. His heart felt like it was lighter than ever. Even though it took an extremely uncomfortable situation to finally admit it to himself, he felt really good.

“You wanna tell Liam?” Max said hesitantly.

“Not.. yet.” Drake said quietly. He still wasn’t ready for that. He knew Liam wouldn’t look at him differently, but he just wasn't ready yet.

“Hey I get it!” Max said. “But I’m so proud of you, Drake.” Maxwell hugged him tightly. “You were so brave to finally admit it.”

Drake patted him on the back and looked nervously around the room. Some people nearby were talking and staring. Maybe it was just his nerves making him think that way.. Or maybe rumors were already starting.  

“I’m gonna get some more shots.” Drake said, surprising himself. He was usually a beer or whiskey drinker only, but he needed a little more courage to deal with his confession.

“Ok.” Max patted him on the back as Drake took off hurriedly. Max sighed. He knew this wasn’t going to be something that Drake was comfortable having people know about him right away. It definitely took time.

Liam waited in the long line for the restroom, which was not moving at all. He assumed someone in there was having sex or something. He made his way through the throng of people who were dancing, talking, making out, and doing.. who knows what. He found another restroom and stepped over a passed out man to enter the room. He checked behind the shower curtain, as he always did. Growing up, Liam was always terrified that a murderer would be behind the shower curtain. He had seen too many scary movies with Maxwell and Drake. But this time, he was checking for random people who may be passed out or just hiding to scare someone. God, I sound like a paranoid idiot, Liam told himself as he finally relieved himself. He had been overly and ridiculously stressed out, studying for these exams. His father made sure to call him daily and remind him that since his older brother abdicated, he was now the crown prince of the country and would be in the public eye even more than before. The press would be able to get access to anything they wanted with the right amount of money.. His grades, his personal life, his everything. 

Liam made his way out of the restroom and looked around for his friends. This mansion was huge.. He wondered who’s it was. There was no telling where Max and Drake were. Liam spotted two familiar faces speaking with their backs turned to him. He recognized them as Lady Kiara and Lord Rashad. As Liam made his way over to his (sort of) friends, he paused when he caught them saying his name.

Rashad glanced around, “I can’t even believe Liam came out tonight.”

Kiara took a sip of her drink and giggled. “I know. He’s such a prude.. I imagine Maxwell was the one who drug him out. Liam wouldn’t be caught dead at an actual social function that didn’t have nobles and dignitaries to suck up to.”

“More like his father would kill him.” Rashad chuckled, taking a sip of his beer. “And you know Liam is the perfect prince.. Always doing what daddy says.”

Kiara snickered and wrapped her arm around Rashad’s waist. “You’re so bad.”

Rashad leaned in and placed a kiss on her neck. “Not yet, I’m not. Just wait until later tonight. We can go up to my bedroom and I’ll show you bad.”

“Mmm, can't wait.” Kiara purred in his ear before squeezing his ass.

The two of them walked away, leaving Liam slack jawed and deeply offended. How could they say that about him? He didn’t always do what his father said! He was a grown man! He could do whatever he wanted! Liam looked around, before grabbing a shot from a table and downing three back to back. Fuck them, he thought. I’ll show them I’m not a perfect prince. 

Max and Drake had split up, and Maxwell took the opportunity to take a few more shots and hit the dance floor. He didn’t care who he danced with, he just let loose and felt the rhythm. This was his chance to relax after studying so hard.. Ok maybe he didn't study that hard. But he was going to let loose anyway.

Drake was sitting in the corner of the room scanning the crowd. He wondered if anyone else out there was thinking the same thing Antonio was. How did they know? People didn’t give off bisexual vibes.. Did they? He was so overwhelmed with his own thoughts and the only thing giving him any sort of comfort was Maxwell. His eyes kept landing on him as he danced with anyone and everyone. He was so comfortable with himself, and Drake hoped that one day he would be too. He watched a few people, trying to see if he could tell their sexuality just by looking at them. He scoffed, he was being so stupid. Drake sipped his beer, feeling more than a little tipsy. He couldn’t help it when his eyes kept settling on Maxwell once again. He watched him close his eyes as he danced, trickles of sweat rolling down his brow to his chiseled jaw. His tight black t-shirt hugged his broad shoulders and did little to hide his chest and abs. Drake’s mouth began to water as he let his eyes travel lower to his tight jeans. They hugged his ass perfectly. God he had an amazing ass. Drake shook his head to get out of his stupor and headed off to get more shots.

Liam had downed about five more shots since the two Maxwell gave him when they first arrived at the party. He was beginning to wobble with each step, but it wasn’t enough. He wanted to prove to everyone, to himself, that he wasn’t a goody two shoes. He knew how to let loose and have fun. He felt a man tap his shoulder and motion for him to follow him into a corner. Liam quirked an eyebrow, but followed him. What was this man even doing? If Liam had his guards with him, they would have been all over this shady looking guy. But Liam wasn’t a prince tonight. He was a regular guy.

The man glanced around anxiously. “You looking to have a good time tonight?” Liam wrinkled his brow, giving him a confused look. “You look like you need to relax, man. You need to buy anything?”

“Buy anything?” Liam squinted in confusion, then his eyes widened in realization. “You mean drugs?”

“Shit dude!” The man glanced around and lowered his voice. “Keep it down!”

Liam wasn’t sure what to do. He wasn’t going to do drugs. No way. Drinking was one thing, but who knows what he would do if he got high. He opened his mouth to refuse the man, but Kiara and Rashad walked past him snickering, and he felt his shame and anger boiling up inside of him again. He turned to the man and cleared his throat. “What um.. What do you have?”

“That depends on what you want to feel.”

Liam sighed. “I want to feel.. relaxed.”

The man nodded and reached into his pocket, giving Liam a bag containing a small pill. “Two hundred.”

“Thousand?!” Liam said wide eyed. “No way!”

“What the fuck.. No, not two hundred thousand! Two hundred!” 

“Oh.” Liam chuckled, feeling embarrassed. He pulled out a couple bills and handed them to the man. “What is this exactly?” He asked as he tucked the bag into his pocket.

“It’s relaxation, my friend.” The man patted him on the back and walked away leaving Liam wondering what the hell he was even going to do with this pill. 

Max found Drake in the kitchen alone, eating some chips and dip. “What are you doing in here all by yourself?”

Drake froze as he looked up at Max, remembering the thoughts he was having about him earlier. He tried not to blush. Normally he was not the type to blush, but this was new territory.. And also one of his best friends. “Uh, just hungry.”

Maxwell nodded and Drake couldn’t help but stare at him. When did Maxwell get so.. hot? Was he always this hot? Yes, of course he was. Stop it dammit, he told himself. 

“You ok?” Maxwell gave him a concerned look and Drake realized he was still staring. He couldn’t help but think about licking the sweat that accumulated on Maxwell's neck. He bet it tasted good.. Fuck, stop it!

Drake cleared his throat. “Ya.. I just had a few too many shots I think.”

“Saaaaame!” Max laughed and stood next to Drake, leaning against him. Normally he was used to Maxwell being super touchy, but tonight he couldn’t handle it.

Drake jumped away from him. “We should probably go find Li. Haven't seen him in like..” Drake looked down at his watch and his eyebrows rose in surprise. “Shit it’s been like an hour and a half. Has he texted you?”

Max pulled out his phone. “Nope.”

“I’m gonna call him.” Drake dialed Liam’s number and it rang and rang. Finally the phone was answered, but it did not sound like Liam on the other end.

“Hellooooo!” The fucked up voice said.

“Who-” Drake held the phone away to make sure he had dialed the right number. “Liam?”

“What uuuuup Drake?!  Drake, my BFFFFFF!” Liam was slurring and cracking up.

Drake looked at Maxwell, completely confused. How much had Liam drank tonight? He never got this sloppy drunk before.

“Where are you, Li?”

“I’m..” Liam was gone for a moment and Drake checked to make sure he hadn’t hung up. “I’m on a beach in paradise!”

“What the fuck?!” Drake shook his head. “Where are you?”

“In the water!” Liam laughed. “The ocean!”

Max was listening in at this point and looked at Drake. “He’s in the pool I guarantee it.”

The two of them made their way into the backyard and found Liam laying on a pink flamingo floatie in the swimming pool. Some other people were around, but paying him no mind.

“Liam..” Drake walked over to him and saw the fucked up look on his face. “What the?”

“Heeeey friends!” He scooped up some water with his hands and threw it up into the air. “I’m finally relaxing! It’s amaaaazing!” Liam cracked up laughing and Max and Drake looked at each other curiously.

“Come on.” Maxwell pulled Liams pool floatie over to the side and they helped him get out of the water. Once Liam stood up, he threw his arms around both of them.

“I’m finally doing it. I’m finally relaxing!” Liam laughed loudly as he looked back and forth between the two of them. “I’m freeeee!”

Drake grabbed him and looked into his eyes. “Dude, get a hold of yourself!”

“I cant!” Liam snickered. “The pill already has a hold of me! And aaaaalll my problems went away.”

Max looked into his eyes, feeling slightly amused and slightly concerned. “For fucks sake.. What did you take Liam?”

“No idea!” He giggled, staggering.

Drake rolled his eyes. “Let’s get you back to the dorm so you can sleep this off.”

Liam alternated between giggling and passing out the whole cab ride back to their dorm. Drake and Max were pretty lit themselves but the two of them managed to help Liam up to his room and drop him onto his bed.

Liam sat up bleary eyed. “Best friends.. Don’t leave me. Stay here with me and have a sleepover like we used to do!” Max and Drake looked at him skeptically. It had been maybe ten years since they had a sleepover. “Please, I’m fucked up.. I don’t wanna be alone.” Liam was looking between them so sadly they relented. 

“Fine.” Drake sat next to him on the bed and kicked off his shoes. 

Liam took off his shoes, socks, pants, and shirt and threw them across the room. “Much better. Now get in here and let's cuddle.”

Max gave Drake a surprised look and tried to hide his laughter. Liam Rys, the Crown Prince of Cordonia was asking them to get in the bed and cuddle him. It was a pretty funny sight.

“We can’t all fit in this bed, Li.” Drake frowned. Liam did have a King sized bed, which wasn’t standard in a dorm, but when you're the prince you get the best.

“Sure you can!” Liam yawned and lay back onto the pillows. Within a few seconds he was fast asleep.

Drake stood up, ready to leave when Max spoke softly. “You’re not staying in here with him?”

“Really?” Drake asked. “He’s passed out. He won't even remember this tomorrow.”

“Ya, but..” Max shrugged. “It was a nice idea wasn’t it?”

Drake swallowed hard. Of course laying in bed next to Maxwell sounded like a nice idea. But that was also a terrible idea with the way Drake had been feeling tonight. 

Click here to read part 2.

[beetsandskzreads]

silent bright summer night

bang chan x gn!reader, y/n works with skz and became their friend (the ultimate dream haha)

genre: tooth-rotening fluff, slight angst with a happy ending

notes/warnings: nothing intense, this is very fluffy, there's brief mentions of cheating, long distance, y/n's exes, fear of abandonment, slight insecurities, deep talks, reader and chan are slightly wine drunk, y/n and chan are whipped, y/n makes it explicit they want to date someone very warm and caring (aka chan), i don't think that's a warning tho djsjs just saying

scenario: on a balcony, at a beach apartment on a summer night of vacation, y/n opens up to chan about their past and current lovers. what y/n doesn't know is why chan is so interested listening to it.

It was 1:01 am when chan and I found ourselves in the balcony that overlooked the city and it's bright lights on a summer night. Skz had gone to sleep right after all of us came back from a night out of lots of fun, buying stuff on stores by the beach, having ice cream, seeing the view of the city lights reflecting on the sea water, appreciating street artists...

The two of us had been talking the whole evening, we hung out as a group but mostly just spoke to each other and laughed at the members jokes, both of us having a sparkle in our eye every time we saw the group happy. There was this unspoken pleasantness, a bliss, calmness in the air but with a lot of excitement. Chan was so happy to be around the sea with "the kids" as he refers to them and being at the beach almost 24/7 this week, it was like his natural habitat, his home, a comfort place. It left you feeling even softer for him, and as you shared your love for the sea, your feelings were at a peak. You liked Chan, and you loved this place as much as he did.

The night was so great, everyone was out like a lightweight as soon as we arrived to the vacation apartment we're in. Chan and I were testing the theory that a glass of wine would help us get drowsy and help us fall asleep as well, since we both have trouble falling asleep and felt nothing but a remaining excitement from the night out. It came to me especially because of the enthusiasm of talking to him, we were connecting so well, I didn't want this to ever end.

And so we drank (one glass quickly becoming the whole bottle) and we talked for what felt like hours on end, that neither of us wanted to cease.

- My ex best friend, she never quite knew how to choose guys, she always went for the ones that would never turn her way, the ones who obviously wouldn't care about her, not because of her, but because they were really careless guys, walking red flags. - I told him, I couldn't remember where exactly the conversation started but we were talking about nice people picking shitty people to date.

- What about you? - he asked

- Me? I barely even like guys, I mean I do, but I'm really picky actually, I don't allow myself to fall for cold people, I wouldn't forgive myself if I took interest in someone rude, I try so hard to take care of myself so I either stay alone that way or I find someone who makes me feel better, who knows how to take care of me, after all we chase happiness, I think a caring person could do that, someone gentle who isn't scared of emotions or who at least is open to face that fear with me by their side.

- I get it, it's hard to get by if you don't have emotional support, a partner should be able to provide that support, yeah. Did you ever... find someone like that?

- Yeah, in the past I did and even now I do know someone more than ideal... I guess my ex partners when I was young were going through a soft phase tho... I guess everyone has an emotional limit they were scared to cross... once I found that barrier the relationship stoped evolving, reached a dead end and so there was nothing left for me anymore and I left, plus, you know, cheating, long distance, a bunch of stuff really... it wasn't meant to be and I'm okay with that.

- What about that someone right now?

Silence ruled for about 3 seconds before I knew what to say. That someone right now is him. Ever since I've known him feels like he's the only man ever, but I don't think I'd tell him that, not soon anyways.

- What about 'em?

- What's that person like? What makes you trust they're any different from your exes?

- Sometimes I fear they're not, but I set the bar really high and I reset it constantly, to make sure I'm seeing it right, sometimes they seem so perfect to me that I wonder what good have i done in my past life to deserve to be around such a bright person. Of course they make mistakes too, but even the way they deal with them is so... mature, it's so easy to just solve things communicating, it's insane to me. Then I remember it's probably because they're eventually gonna leave me too, or just not reciprocate my feelings and after they break my heart I'll probably loose all hope in love, be heart broken for two years until I decide I'm gonna focus on myself again... it's a cycle after heartbreak, but with this person I'm really scared, because they mean more. I'm way too deep in before I've even expressed my feelings, it's gonna be devastating. - I'm rambling, the wine made me do it.

- What makes you think they wouldn't like you back tho?

- I'm not sure I just... it would be too good to be true and it's complicated... he's amazing and I'm just not sure if he'd be into me, I mean, I think I'm lovable and I think I'd be a great lover, I just don't know if I'm his type or if he'd consider me. We have a bit of an age gap, I'm not someone who's typically pretty or specially good looking, I have my charms but I have no idea if that's enough for him to be in love. It's complicated with each others work too... - I notice chan's gaze on me, he has his head leaned on his hand on the table and he's looking at me with bright eyes, eyes that look tired and a little drunk but somehow, he manages to look at me in a way that makes me feel adored, I don't know why you have to make me feel so much love, Bang Chan - Why are you looking at me like that?

- You have no idea how other people perceive you, do you? - he ignored your question, probably because of his drunk-ish drowsy state - Everyone I know likes you, see, you're a naturally kind and caring person, you're attentive to people's needs, you make sure everyone feels comfortable around you... that's so appreciated by everyone. I think you're exceptional y/n, you have this charismatic way of existing, a refreshing and comfy presence everyone can feel, but to me... it feels like home. You feel like home y/n. So... I have no idea who that person is but I sure as hell know they'd be more than lucky to have you as a partner and they're definitely dumb if they let you go.

- Are you dumb? - my heart's pounding quicker as I'm about to do something I didn't plan on doing ever.

- Huh? No, why w-

- Because that person is you... I like you, Chan. In a more-than-friends way - I interrupt him quickly before I lose my newly found courage.

Chan could've sworn his heart stopped for a few seconds. Suddenly sobriety hit him like a truck. It was the alcohol that made you say that, he thought, but he wished it was true and you didn't drink enough to be lying about this kind of stuff, you had a full on conversation and you seemed pretty sober.

- Y-y/n are you sober? - he tries to navigate through the situation.

- Oh my... yeah I am, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything, it just rolled out of my tongue. I'm sorry... - you said as you panicked and tried to go back inside, regret filling up all your organs.

"I messed up" your brain keeps repeating as desperation starts entering your body, until Chan grabbed your hand, stopping you from leaving.

- Wait! You don't need to apologize, I'm glad you told me... You didn't think I'd say all that about you if I didn't like you as well, did you? - he asks suggestively.

- I don't know - you blush as you realize what he's getting at - You're just so nice to everyone, I didn't make a big deal out of it.

- Well, you should've made it a big deal, the biggest deal actually because I've been trying really hard to show you how I feel these past few days and you were so clueless I thought you were purposefully ignoring the signs because you didn't like me back.

- I'm sorry Channie, I just didn't want to assume stuff and get heartbroken if it wasn't true.

-Well it is true, so you don't need to worry anymore. I really like you too, y/n. And I've wanted to say it for a while too, I was just wondering if it was a good idea since you work with us, but I can't contain my feelings anyways... you always treat me so softly and you look after the kids really well... It just feels like you were made to be by my side, you're the embodiment of the person I've always dreamed to be with, and these past few days with the kids and you... it just felt like we were the perfect family you know? I don't think I could be without you by my side anymore... - he stops, he's been staring at your eyes the whole time and now they're starting to water.

How could you not cry when he's saying the things you thought you'd only ever hear in dreams?

- Why are you crying sweetheart? - he whispered, as he wipes a tear with his thumb, the other hand holding your hand as he stands closer every second.

- It's just... I'm so... happy - you smile through your tears - I'm so happy to hear that, you said it in such a beautiful way too... I feel exactly the same, it's like I've gained a family with you guys but you... I've grown really attached to you, feels like some parts of you are tangled in my heart in ways I couldn't tear apart if I wanted to... I'm drawn to you and when I'm with you it's comfortable, blissful, it's right. You're so good to me, it's unbelievable, but it's true, and it warms my heart. - you say as your foreheads touch and your smile grows, his eyes showing so much adoration for you, you could melt.

Suddenly you share your first kiss together, a soft yet passionate mix of sensations, and it felt like everything you ever felt around Chan but better.

You stare into each other's eyes, smiling like the little lovely goofballs you both were, noses touching, ocasional little pecks filled with giggles because you were whipped for each other.

- So this means we're exclusive lovers now, yeah? - he asks with a blushing face, a very silent giggle and a huge, uncontrollable smile.

- Definitely, yeah - you answer biting your lip until eventually you let out the largest smile you ever had.

Needless to say, you didn't leave that balcony to go to sleep that evening. In fact, you two watched the sunrise kissing and cuddling, talking about the feelings you had for each other, when they started, why you liked each other, covered by a blanket, not wanting to let go of each other now that you were openly romantic.

Han found you both sound asleep, you on chan's lap, head on his neck as his arms wrapped around you gently, on a chair in the middle of the morning. He obviously called all the members to watch you two as they assumed you two finally got together. All of them saw it coming, Chan wouldn't shut up about you and had written what could be an entire album about you.

They were happy at least you'd be around more often to cook your delicious food. And you both blushed really hard once you woke up to lot's of teasing from the kids, it was fine tho, you liked it just like this, it was home.

[asset35-maya]

.When the party’s over.

>REINITIALISING…

>ALL SYSTEMS ONLINE

>WIRELESS CHARGING: 69%

>RK900 SYSTEM HEALTH: STABLE

>24H FILE RECOVERY: 45%

Nines slowly regained consciousness. He was lying on his side and everything around him was quiet.

>ENVIRONMENTAL SCAN IN PROGRESS…

>THREAT ANALYSIS IN PROGRESS…

Layers of fabric covered his body and something soft and warm was pressed against his face. Eyes still shut, he nudged it gently with his nose and it emitted a low vibration.

>2% THREAT DETECTED: FELINE SUBJECT

The cat sprang upwards and hopped off the surface that Nines was lying on. It was ostensibly a bed, but Nines didn’t own any furniture apart from a couch and work table. The logical conclusion was that he was not in his own apartment.

>RUN LOCALISATION PROGRAM: Y/N?

>Y

>ERROR: PROGRAM FAILED TO EXECUTE

>ERROR: MEMORY FILE CORRUPTION

Nines had no absolutely recollection of his whereabouts or how he had arrived. He had not been compromised as his system health was stable, so there was probably another reason for being completely disoriented. It was voluntary.

He had gotten the android equivalent of blackout drunk.

It was not the first time and he feared it would not be the last. Such were the hard-partying ways of his friends and colleagues. They were all terrible influences. He loved them dearly, but they were terrible.

At 6PM every Friday, Chen and Miller would start things off rather innocently. “Hey there’s a new brewery downtown.” Or “My bartender cousin just hooked us up with a thirty percent discount!”

From there it wouldn’t take long for the DPD’s resident frat boys Connor and Gavin to gather a steady crowd of officers and check out the venue. If the vibes were good (which they almost always were), Sixty would get wind of things. Then the rest of the frat house would descend and total chaos would reign until the break of dawn.

SWAT Unit 32 was famous for its particularly destructive brand of revelry. Skinny dipping in private swimming pools, scaling skyscraper rooftops and causing media scandals were all par for the course. The day after Captain Allen’s birthday, the DPD crew spent the entirety of their bonuses to repair the collapsed ceiling of the Eden Club.

Nines couldn’t remember how he exactly he was coopted into the madness. Probably peer pressure. Connor insisted that he try thirium alcohol. Sixty said that he would regret being a loser and not joining them. Gavin had just held out a hand and double-winked. That did the trick.

One night blended into another and soon Nines had worked up quite a reputation of his own. He was the Casanova of the homicide department. The handsome devil… the hunter… the sex god. People would actually come by his desk and congratulate him on Monday morning.

Nines hated it but he couldn’t stop himself from doing the same thing over and over. Perhaps it was the appreciative clap on the shoulder from Gavin the morning after Sixty posted photos of a high-end Traci model giving Nines his very first lap dance.

Life at the DPD was the epitome of work hard, play hard. It seemed like one big party but deep down Nines knew they were all just slaves to their compulsions. He wondered whether it was because they needed to celebrate every demon they vanquished or whether they needed to wipe the troubling memories of doing so.

In Nines case, there were definitely things he needed to kill within himself. Some were nightmare inducing crime scenes, but some were memories so heart-wrenchingly sweet that he thought he might self-destruct if he were to dwell on them too long. There were things he couldn’t have and things he needed to erase from his brain.

Something touched his face gently.

>PERIPHERAL OBJECT DETECTED: HUMAN HAND

>THREAT ANALYSIS: NON-COMBATIVE

The hair on his forehead was brushed aside and fingers ran over his features. A thumb swept over his bottom lip and caressed his cheek.

Nines couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes and come face to face with his most recent conquest. He lay still, frozen with regret as the hand continued to stroke his face.

The hand travelled down his neck and fell upon his chest. Nines caught it abruptly. It wasn’t even the month-end and his savings were badly depleted. He couldn’t afford round two. He retracted the synth skin down to his wrist and prepared the electronic payment credentials.

Fingers merely intertwined with his.

“Just take your money and go. I’ll tip extra if you delete everything from your hard drive.”

“What the phck are you talking about?”

Nines eyes flew open. Steel blue met storm green.

>SYSTEM ALERT: THIRIUM PUMP OVERLOAD

“Fuck!”

“Wow that’s flattering.”

Nines pinched the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes in a vain attempt to remember what had led to this absolute, unmitigated disaster.

“What the hell happened last night?”

Gavin looked affronted.

“You ruined our housewarming for one.”

>MEMORY ARCHIVE SEARCH: housewarming, Gavin

>RESULT: TEXT MESSAGE RECEIVED FROM “G.REED” IN GROUPCHAT “CLUBBERCOPS”, 15:33 18 JULY 2040: Assholes. Party at our new place. Next Friday. From seven till LATE. Bring booze, bring bitches. Nah. Actually, don’t. Our landlord’s a bastard and we already got three noise complaints.

>RESULT: TEXT MESSAGE RECEIVED FROM “CONMAN” IN GROUPCHAT “CLUBBERCOPS”, 15:34 18 JULY 2040: Yeah we should keep this one PG. Bring food if you wanna eat. This mf can’t cook and I don’t care to. See y’all!!

Oh right. Fuck. Gavin’s housewarming. Gavin and Connor’s housewarming. His two closest friends who were somehow even closer to one another. Nines hadn’t realised until it was far too late and there was nothing for him to do but smother the bitterness with his favourite coping mechanisms: android alcohol and paid sex.

The circumstances definitely explained the state he was in, but things still didn’t add up.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Did we… did we…”

“No. Nothing happened between us. You were completely shitfaced. I just put you to bed to stop you from embarrassing yourself.”

Nines looked up at the ceiling, struggling to put the pieces together. His system offered him no useful prompts. The fermented thirium had done its job of code corruption extremely well. He looked back down and met the green eyes focused on him with deep concern.

“What did I do?”

“Sixty has videos, but I don’t think you want to see them. God, Nines… why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I’m really sorry, Gavin. I didn’t mean to ruin your night… and Connor’s.”

“He’s fine. He and Sixty moved the crew to Hank’s place. Which is what we should have done in the first place… there’s really no point throwing a party in this shoebox and telling people like Tina Chen to be quiet. Honestly if it wasn’t you it would have been her bringing the house down. Good thing they had all of Michigan Drive to tear up. Hank’s neighbours can sleep though a bombing.”

“What did I do?”

Gavin put his hand back on Nines’ face, his expression unintelligible. The human touched him often enough, but never like this. Never so intimately. Nines forced down the twisting sensation in his torso. He couldn’t get his hopes up. This was pity.

Nines braced himself to hear the worst. He prepared for the shredding of all his dignity and the collapse of his falsely extroverted and confident identity.

What came though was a soft press of lips to his forehead.

“It wasn’t pretty and I wish it hadn’t happened like that, but I think it was a long time coming… I’ve never seen you so emotional before. I’m sorry I didn’t notice anything all this while.”

“Gavin, please.”

“I’m going to focus on the positives, because really… there were a LOT of negatives. Oh boy. You… uh…”

“Gavin.”

The detective dipped his head and looked away.

“Phck, I shouldn’t be so embarrassed…

You told me you loved me.”

Nines closed his eyes. That was it. He should quit his job and move to another state. Hell, he should go to Cyberlife and request a factory reset on compassionate grounds.

“I’m so sorry. I… I should leave.”

He made to sit up, but was pushed back into the mattress. Gavin curled into his side.

“Nah. You’re good.”

“What?”

“You threw up on my plants and smashed Connor’s RA9 sculpture, buuuut you’re good.”

“I don’t understand.”

Gavin wrapped his arms around Nines and edged closer until the android was forced to turn on his side and reciprocate.

“What do you think, genius? If a guy like me doesn’t throw a guy like you out of the house after all that… what does it mean?”

“That you have a high tolerance for toxic friendships?”

“It means I want you to stick around, dipshit.”

>SYSTEM ALERT: THIRIUM PUMP RATE FLUCTUATIONS. OVERLOAD IMMINENT.

“You mean you like me?”

“Of course I do! I always have, but it never seemed right to bring it up. We’re actually really good friends. I didn’t think it would be possible when we first met but we have so much in common.”

“Bad habits for sure.”

“Come on, Nines. We’ve had a really great time together. Some of my best memories at the DPD are with you. Don’t ever quote me on it but you’re a phcking amazing partner. Can’t believe you thought I had something going with Connor when it’s always been you.

So yeah, I do like you. And I’m willing to try… I dunno… being with you. Like for real.

Stop drinking like that, though. I know I’m a hypocrite but you really scared me last night. I lost my Dad and I nearly lost Hank to the bottle. You might be this super advanced android, but that liquid courage shit is a death trap, man.”

>SYSTEM ERROR: THIRIUM PUMP AT MAX FLOW RATE. PUMP OVERLOAD. REDUCE PRESSURE IMMEDIATELY!

Nines nodded quickly and blinked away the tears that welled up in his eyes. Gavin grasped the android’s chin and tipped his face down gently. Their eyes fluttered shut simultaneously and their lips met.

>SYSTEM RECOVERY MESSAGE: THIRIUM PUMP FUNCTIONALITY RESTORED

They broke apart after several golden moments and Gavin hugged Nines tightly under the sheets.

“What am I supposed to say to the others? I don’t think I can look any of them in the eye ever again.”

“Are you serious? You got nothing on the insanity that bunch is capable of. Sixty thinks he’s hot shit with his blackmail material, but I got receipts that’ll glue his mouth shut for decades. Anyway, that’s what friends are meant to be like. You have dirt on each other but you’re not meant to use it.

The same applies to us too, by the way. Don’t feel like you gotta be… apologetic about what happened last night. Yeah, you better replace my fancy new plants but I’ll never judge you for what happened. I want you to know that I’ll always be in your corner, Nines.”

Nines hummed thoughtfully and ran a hand though Gavin’s hair, marvelling at the fact that he could now do so whenever he wanted. He didn’t say anything in response, and just settled for cuddling closer to the human.

>>RK900 SYSTEM HEALTH: EXCELLENT

[angel-anoetic]

Hey! 🌿 here, I've been having Jack Manifold brain rot recently. He's so pretty and genuine and has such a nice singing voice. And then I was struck with this idea of Jack and Reader being reincarnated souls of dryads who waltz to save the world when the egg takes over and reset the timeline minus the corruption that happened and only Foolish remembers (because he's a god) even if you don't write it, thank you for writing all of my requests, it means a lot to me! ❤️

hey hey 🌿! i too have had jack manifold brain rot or it might be the gender envy but anyways- his voice is so pretty. Anon, you always give me the best writing prompts to and i always love writing your requests! i hope you enjoy !!

Don't forget to like to save, and reblog to share

c!JackManifold x gn!Reader - Saving Souls

genre: /rom, soulmates almost (?), fantasy, Dreamsmp au

warnings: none! (let me know if i missed anything)

masterlist <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first time you had noticed any kind of power, you were maybe 5 years old. It wasn't too obvious at first, things that could be passed off as mere coincidence Leaves seemingly following you, flowers turning to face you.

But you couldn't ignore the big signs, the bigger things. Vines growing around you, the flowers you picked immediately sprouting a few more in their place.

It scared you, but over time you got used to it. It gave you something to do on the hot summer days and cold winter nights. Spring gave you the most power and let them flourish, literally and metaphorically.

It had been some years ago when you met a young man who went by the name Jack Manifold. It was a nice day and you decided to cross the river that surrounded your home when you came upon a field of flowers after walking for a few minutes.

There were so many that you could feel their energy fill your veins. But there was something else. Someone. An energy that matched your own, too powerful to be a plant or a part of the Earth. Then he appeared, seemingly from nowhere. A tree a few yards away suddenly a boy.

From there had blossomed, no pun intended a friendship and relationship that held so much power. You two had grown and helped each other through work through the cons of your powers. Learned how to control them before they controlled you.

So one day when you received a message from an old friend regarding a certain evil that had taken over his friends and one of his homes, you couldn't ignore his call.

You and Jack showed up a few days later, and after a brief meeting with Foolish, you considered your options as you and Jack walked to the Egg's resting place.

"Maybe we could find if its core, and if we're lucky it'll be plant-based. Or Foolish did say that there are lots of vines and other plants surrounding it. We can just bury it so deep it won't be a problem ever again."

"No, Foolish wants it gone, and I think we should exhaust all of our options, whether we destroy the Egg or not."

As you two made your way to the Egg, people began to stop and consider the new visitors. Some looked tired, others just seemed angry or upset.

Then you two found it. The entrance to its resting place. Its red color illuminating what otherwise would have been a darkroom underneath the SMP. Vines and some other plants that you weren't sure you had ever seen.

"Oh my god." You looked at Jack, his eyes glowing against the room's tainted glow.

"What is it?"

"This is worse than what I would have expected, Y/N. These plants...I've only seen them once before in a very bad place. But it could work to our advantage."

You both made your way down the stairs, the sight of the Egg pushing beyond what you could have ever imagined. It stood tall, and the pure energy and heat that it gave off were almost enough to make anyone tired.

You began to feel a sense of panic rising in you, your hands slightly shaking at the sight of the object.

You felt the energy rushing out, towards the palm of your hands as a small flutter of energy found its way to the ground. As soon as the small seeds touched the ground, they grew into enormous green and white flowers.

A terrible scream suddenly emitted from the room, one that neither of you could hardly understand.

"Y/N, do that again."

"W-What?"

"The flowers, help them grow, just like those."

You focused on the type of flower, seeing it in your mind, then three more sprouted out of the original one.

Another scream filled the room.

"Alright, I have a plan. I'm not sure it will work but I do know it's worth a chance."

You couldn't look away from the Egg. It was like a monster staring you down, one that you were seconds away from fighting.

Jack turned to you, grabbing your face gently, rubbing his thumb against your cheek.

"Hey," he whispered, "It's alright. We are gonna take care of this in no time and help so many people. And we're gonna come out of it together. Okay?"

You nodded, grabbing his hands with your own, leaning into his energy.

"Alright, the plan is simple. I am going to try and manipulate these plants and grow the ones you just did. The Egg, it doesn't like the sight or the addition of plants that aren't connected to it. So while I'm carrying that out you need to start making something to protect us. I don't care what it is, how big it is, as long as it's strong enough to get us through a really bad thing. Can you do that for me?"

"I can do that."

You both smiled until Jack spoke. "Then let's do this."

Jack picked one of the flowers and one of the crimson plants that encased the room. He placed them gently together in front of the Egg and began to focus on transforming them into whatever he could.

You on the other hand began to pull together whatever plant matter you could find. Some pieces of wood and plants you had never even seen in your life still seemed to bend your will with just a little resistance. A small burrow was slowly being formed around you. When you looked up you could already see Jack had formed a large hybrid of the red and white plant which was now surrounding the Egg in a spiral.

The screams returned, nearly knocking Jack off his feet. He was a mess, the focus combined with the pure power that he needed to do what he needed was taking its toll slowly but surely.

Eventually, the Egg's screams, while still loud, became weaker, and a sudden rumbling came from the ground around you both.

"Jack! Jack get in here!" You screamed from your makeshift plant and wood bunker.

"Just a minute!" He continued his work, the vines and leaves already infiltrating the Egg's core.

You looked up, the ceiling above you caving in slowly. Right above Jack.

All he felt was the large vine wrap around his waist, then a harsh pull as he fell next to you within the bunker, moments away from the boulder that nearly crushed him.

"Keep going! It's not over yet."

You turned your attention away from the bunker and began to help Jack. The screams had to be the worst part. Your ears were basically going numb. You weren't even sure if Jack could hear your encouragements or if you were even talking.

All you know is that both of you were trying, the shaking of the ground was strong, and a sudden bright light was exploding from the Egg.

Then silence.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were the first to wake up. The ringing was still in your ears, but less powerful and daunting. Jack was situated against you, sleeping peacefully.

You leaned back against your arms and tried to shake him awake. Eventually, he stirred up, and you were able to clear away your shared 'bunker'.

After you made your way back up you saw the change immediately. The skies seemed happier. People were less scared to move about town.

You and Jack walked around, people greeting you as you did. You spotted Foolish atop a hill.

When you finally met him up there he smiled.

"Y/N, thank you so much. It happened. Whatever you two did...it worked." The tears filled his eyes as he engulfed both you and Jack in a hug.

"I don't know what you did, but no one here even seems to know what happened. It's like they went to bed and woke up new people. A fresh start."

You laughed. "That's great Foolish. I'm happy we could help. It was all Jack in the end."

You both turned to each other, the light in both of your eyes new.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[nincompoopydoo]

DEBRIS AND MISERY

SAME OLD LOKI ; PART 6 / ?

PAIRING: Loki Laufeyson x Female!Reader WORD COUNT: 3.3k (oops) SUMMARY: You find yourself venturing deeper into finding the Loki variant on the loose with the help of Mobius and Loki while maintaining your temper around the God of mischief and fighting with your own demons. A/N: Downtime apparently lasted for more than a week. I had absolutely no motivation to write but I eventually came around. There’s alot going on in this. Please tell me what you think, what you love, hate and look forward to. Thank you so much for showing so much love to d&m. gif from this gifset by @sersi WARNINGS: Swearing. Imagery relating to death (i think?). You and Loki’s relationship fluctuating like the goddamn economy. support my writing through ko-fi💖 MASTERPOST ; MASTERLIST

Blue. Your flight suit is blue.

Your eyes sting with worry, ticking to a pair of hands buckling the straps that lay across your chest. A man secures it tightly, forcing your back against the cockpit chair. Your gaze drifts to the concentric steel rings of yellow, red, and white that stretch overhead and around you—being suspended within a 3-axis gimbal sends another churning sensation within your abdomen.

You hear a voice. It courses through the room and vibrates within your ears like fluttering echoes in a tunnel. It’s a man. He calls out your name from below.

“You ready?”

In your periphery, you see him, tall with slicked-back hair, standing with other men that adorn similar flight suits of blue. You nod, inhaling deeply as your hands reach for the controls. Suddenly, a metallic clang echoes through the room and the machine whirrs to life. The rings begin spinning in tandem, tossing your body in all directions. Your grip tightens around the controls, clicking with every push and pull as you struggle to analyze the spin. But, the machine spins faster.

Faster and faster and faster.

The machine continues to whirr. Your hands are still shifting the controls.

Faster and faster and faster.

Your eyes begin to droop, nausea taking hold of your body.

Faster and faster and faster.

You only hear your breaths; every inhale and exhale—they're loud.

Faster and faster and faster.

Too fast.

Stop.

...

Click. Click. Click.

Footsteps. Not the clicks of the controls. You hear them clicking against tile floors from afar. From darkness, your eyes meet the color brown, shiny and polished—it’s wooden. The sound of the vast building’s acoustics hum in tune with the occasional chatter and echoing thump. You recognize the ambiance and it comforts your hasty thoughts as your brain tries to wreck itself in comprehending your current surroundings.

It’s one of those dreams again. The ones that kept you awake at night since the Sakaar incident, as if reliving the memories of another life. It isn’t yours but the realism to it makes it so complex that your brain cannot even comprehend the experiences during these dreams that occur.

To see, touch, hear, smell, and taste. Do dreams exceed the limit of disconnection and logic? Are dreams to be so immersive that it feels more like a memory, an echo of the past?

Through the turmoil of parsing between what’s real and what’s not, a tap on your shoulder hauls you back to reality. You turn to see Mobius, looking ridiculously exhilarated. Behind him lingers an amused Loki, hands tugging into the pockets of his jacket. The analyst says your name with a tone of equal exuberance to his manner.

“I thought I’d find you here. Do you always sleep at the archives?”

You snort, seizing yourself up as you wipe your face with your palm in hopes of feeling slightly more awake and alive than you were before. “No. Sometimes, I sleep at my desk too.”

Exhausted and sarcastic. Typical you.

Mobius rounds the table to sit beside you, gesturing Loki to his previous spot before he got up and ran away from you without any explanation. He shoots you a smile, lips pressed together, almost hesitant to sit across from you. You watch him through narrowed eyes as you address him with folded arms. “And here you are, back here again.”

Loki cannot fight the growing grin upon his lips, knowing all too well that you're referring to how he led you into an unnecessary chase down the corridors of the TVA for the sake of his entertainment. Well, it was not unnecessary. Things were turning out to be a bore and with the sudden thought of a proposition to help with his case, it doesn’t mean he has to drag out the fun of irritating the hell out of everyone else.

And you are not a bore.

-

“Loki! Where the hell do you think you're going?!"

You’re outright screaming at him but his long legs only stride faster than yours could handle, slumber still clinging to your face like a thick, waxen mask. He’s so quick, weaving through tangerine hallways, skidding across the tiled floors.

He saunters down the hall with quick feet but doesn’t sprint, clever enough not to draw any attention.

He ought to answer you. Throwing a glance over his shoulder, he flashes you a cheeky smile. He swears he saw flames burning in your eyes for a moment.

As you wind another corner, you already see him making one last quick dart through the elevator doors that slide open as it dings unceremoniously. Through your wide-eyed gaze, you signal him with eyes that carry a warning.

“Don’t you dare close that fucking door.” you snarl, voice booming from down the hallway and so does the clicking of the heels of your Oxford shoes as you march towards him like you’re on the hunt for prey.

Loki jams his finger onto the button to close the doors, unable to wipe off his grin. “Don’t you trust me?” is all he says to you, sending you a wink through the closing gap of the elevator doors as he raises his palm to wave you farewell.

-

You decided Loki wasn’t worth the time he has already taken from your assigned paperwork. So, you returned to your desk with a trace of bitterness in your tongue while attempting to suppress the regret for actually feeling sorry for Loki. Only because you know how it is like to be alone.

That’s the thing about Loki. He gets inside your head, makes you think that for once, he may be worth not pruning. He makes you think he is capable of change, capable of compassion. He makes you think he cares from the way he looks at you with those eyes that flicker the spark of hope in you. This Loki is the same old Loki.

Well, maybe the one in Sakaar had a good chance of earning your trust. But that’s gone now.

You shift in your seat, elbows now leaning against the edge of the table. “And to answer your question, no. I do not trust you. And I never will.”

Famous last words of the variant turned analyst.

Nobody trusts you either.

Except for the grey-haired analyst with the obsession for jet skis and you never understood why. Maybe, it’s because you’re the only one who is willing to put up with his ramblings.

Mobius eyes you and Loki’s interaction as the two of you seem to fall into the rhythm of making things even more complex than it appears. It's all part of his grand plan. Mobius knows you well enough to know you are possibly enjoying Loki's company no matter how much he irritates you. And Loki, it's clear how he admires you and how you constantly surprise him every time he crosses paths with you.

“What would I ever do without your trust?” the God sneers, each articulation of every word wrapped in mockery paired with dramatically placing his hand to his heart. Your eye twitches, the spitfire of your personality ready to fire back with a probable nasty insult. Yet, Mobius places his hand on your shoulder, while the other outstretched towards Loki as if trying to keep the two of you apart.

“Okay, okay. No need to get all riled up now. We only just had a breakthrough in the case, and I’m not letting you kill each other just yet.”

Your anger seems to immediately wash away, replaced by curiosity. You blink at your colleague. “Breakthrough?”

“Yes, and it was surprisingly Loki’s theory. Now—”

“Why do I smell...sulfur?”

You cut his sentence short as a strong whiff of a reeked scent began to descend upon you, billowing in the air. You inhale deeply, brows furrowing in concentration and confusion. An overpowering scent of a decaying body, faint but strong enough to seem out of the ordinary. The archives never smell rotten, always floor polish. Mobius and Loki share a look. Mobius is the one to speak up, attempting to distract you from your sudden strong sense of smell. “Sulfur? What, like when there’s a demonic manifestation? I mean, we are in the presence of Loki—”

“You went to Pompeii, didn’t you?”

In all of the time he has spent with Mobius who had a constant laid-back and confident nature to him, he has never seen him so red in the face. As the situation unfolds, he wonders why Mobius has made it a point to hide that information with so much eagerness which now has proved to be useless. You’re not only intelligent but also quick—only in terms of the mind rather than your physical capabilities.

You can hardly run, but your brain outshines everyone else he has met in the TVA.

Mobius is now waiting for the imminent chaos and mayhem you’re about to bring. You’re going to call him insane like every other time he has suggested an out-of-the-ordinary idea. Causing a scene is one of your talents. He has his hand on your shoulder again.

“You hate Pompeii, Mobius. Why the hell would bring him—Wait.” Your eyes are wide and blinking. “You went to Pompeii. Alone. I know that from the look on your faces. Which means no reset charge...No Nexus event.” You pause, pursing your lips. Then, you avert your gaze to Loki who watches you curiously. “Are you suggesting the variant is hiding in apocalypses?”

Mobius’ laugh comes off like a puff of air. He pats you on the back like a proud uncle. “Back on the game, Agent!”

Loki is slightly impressed. Only slightly.

“Okay, you two stay here. I’ll go get the files. Great work, you two.” Mobius gestures to the both of you with an outstretched index finger, grin so wide as he scurries off. Mobius loves a good case, especially when there’s a breakthrough. And with you finally familiarizing yourself with working together with Loki, everything is finally starting to look up.

The two of you end up finding each other’s gaze and for the first time, you smile at him. It’s small but genuine.

“You know you could have told me.”

“I would have, but you don’t trust me, remember?”

You hum, raising a brow. “And running away was supposed to gain my trust?”

Loki chuckles, eyes flicking to the table. “I never said anything about gaining your trust.”

Your smile grows wider, and Loki decides how he prefers you like this—relaxed and amused.

He oddly sees his mother in you. It’s the way you look at him. Like you know him.

Right, you have met him. Once.

“What was I like? The one you met at Sakaar.”

You blink, slightly taken aback by his sudden question that hasn’t got to do with insinuating you.

“The same as you—barely tolerable,” you say tightly, heaving a sharp exhale. ”Just…a lot sadder.”

You hadn’t mentioned how he willingly helped escape your execution because a part of you still believes it all to be a lie. The TVA has your complete fidelity but ever since the Sakaar incident, your trust in the way the system works has been swayed. After years of being trapped in your mind, the question of whether your capabilities in logic have been damaged due to loneliness still begs. Judge Renslayer believes in your incompetence but you believe she hides a secret about the Time Keepers.

The three beings, creator of the TVA, personally convicted you as innocent, allowing you to maintain your job. Nothing of this makes sense.

Maybe Judge Renslayer lost all her faith in you, her second-best analyst because your Nexus event relates to Loki. The one variant that has been causing havoc to the Sacred Timeline. And this Loki, the one that seems to be very curious about your place in the TVA and the Time Keepers, is no different than the others.

You find yourself feeling an uncalled sense of sadness that dwells in your chest at the thought of leaving the only friendship you secretly wished to have maintained back at Sakaar. Before you let yourself fall into the abyss of melancholic wishful thinking, you swiftly direct the conversation elsewhere.

"I’m sorry Mobius referred to you as the devil,” you say coyly. “You really aren’t.”

Loki, who seems to catch on with the sarcastic tone of your voice, leans farther into his seat. “Really?”

A smirk returns to your face. “You're worse than the devil." He snorts, noticing the vague hint of crimson growing upon your cheeks and how your eyes seem to crinkle a little more than usual.

He finds himself swallowing under your stare, fiddling his fingers in an attempt to calm his sudden erratic heartbeat. A stutter under your now kind gaze—no one ever stares at him with a smile. "You are not the first to say that."

There’s another pause; Loki’s face is set with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. You feel a pang of guilt in your chest in remembrance of how you’re not the first to have treated him the way you did. He’s dangerous but, there’s no reason for animosity. Yet, it all boils down to the lives he has willingly taken. It doesn’t differentiate him from the rest of the TVA.

Mysterious variant.

The devil is always in the details.

Strangely, the work of the devil may prove to be useful in times of cul-de-sacs as an idea comes to mind. “I think...I think I know where you’re at right now.” Your voice is light, distracted by your now running thoughts. You’re on your feet, chair squeaking as you push it back. Your pen is in your grasp and you wave it in the air, reflecting the gears that turn at high speed within your brain.

Frankly, you’re not making any sense. Loki furrows his brows, slowly standing. “What do you mean? I’m right here—"

“No. The other one. The variant. And it has to do with gum.”

You’re still not making sense and it’s clear that in your eyes, he is invisible. You’re the only one in that frenzied mind of yours.

“What?”

You don’t answer him, feet quickly bringing you down the passageway along the vast rows of shelves that stretch along with the floor’s pristine balcony of white and the two of you are back to playing chase and run. Only this time, the roles are reversed.

-

Mission Haven Hills: not successful.

Really not successful. Far from successful.

You witnessed the doom of bombing the Sacred Timeline, firsthand. Employees scramble at the controls as you watch the screen that looms over the control room. What was once a single line, running along with time has now grown like a tree with fruits of chaos, caused by Nexus events scattered across time and places.

You wished the dust would settle and this was all simply a dream but you realize this was his plan all along.

Bomb the timeline. Distract the TVA.

There is one thing you know about Loki. He is moved by revenge and resentment.

As if you possess some sort of telepsychic powers, a part of you feels that danger itself is within the vicinity of the TVA. The variant is here, you just know it.

You hope Mobius is okay.

Scurrying down the winding hallways, past the hurried time hunters, and past the time theaters, you find yourself heading towards the golden doors of the Time Keepers’ chambers. In a time of uncertainty, your gut is your only source of guidance.

At the end of the hallway, you see bodies on the ground, nearly lifeless—time hunters, either unarmed or batons missing. You plucked one of the sizzling batons from the ground as you cautiously stepped around the laying bodies. You clutch it tightly to calm the blood rushing to your head, pounding along with your heartbeat as you take on the venture into the foyer of the grand chambers with secrets not wanting to be unveiled.

You round the corner, following the wooden panels for walls laid along the entrance. The glowing end of the baton within your grasp reflects off the black porcelain tiles beneath your careful feet. You hear voices, grunts, and shouting as if in combat.

Then, you see them. Loki in his variant jacket and a woman with locks of blonde and streaks of black. She adorns a headpiece of golden horns—one broken off.

Isn't Loki supposed to be at Haven Hills?

Recognizing the presence of another, the two turn to you, daggers still held to each other's throats. Loki eyes you with wide eyes, a silent plea whether to help or stand down, you’re unsure. Your gaze shifts to the woman once more who watches you with an equal resemblance to the other.

Then, it hits you. You recognize the dark emerald cloak she wears. You know exactly who she is. You just never thought it would be a she.

“You!” Your exclamation is bitter, and it’s directed towards the woman who seems to be strangely expectant of your remark as if she already knows who you are. She is L1190, a Loki variant. The one who slashed you with the TVA’s baton, scaring your left cheek. The one who hauled you through the time door and left you stranded in Sakaar for thousands of years.

You know exactly what she has done. She knows what she has done.

“You did this to me!” you gesture to the scar on your left cheek, eyes fixated solely on her, nearing the two with caution. You’re angry. Very angry. All pent-up rage begging to be set free.

Before Loki could even perceive the current situation he landed in between two women who very much want him dead, you’re already swinging the baton to her face with full force but she blocks it with her sword but slightly staggers in her step. You glare at her. She seems a little surprised. In an instant, you take a step back and go for another strike to her rib, but she blocks you again, sliding away and dodging your hit by a mere second. You growl out of frustration, seething through your teeth, and without hesitation, you strike again. The fight goes on—strike, block, strike, dodge. And with every blow, your intensity escalates, each a little harder than the one before. Loki stands there, watching, speechless and frozen.

You strike again, the baton crackling less than an inch away from her face but she dodges just in time, swinging her sword across your face. It grazes your cheek, now a gash of crimson on top of your scar, and with the sudden blow of searing pain, you lose your balance.

The variant spins into a kick that sweeps your legs out from under, knocking you hard onto the ground. The baton rolls out from your grip. Your hand flies to the gash, trickling with blood.

“Hey!”

The brawl comes to a halt. You seize yourself up from the ground, back and head aching, turning to see Judge Renslayer accompanied by two hunters, batons held up in defense position. You were about to reach for your own that was a stretch away when suddenly, you felt a hand grip you by the collar, hauling you to your knees. Her sword held to your neck.

“Come any closer and I’ll kill her.”

“Go for it.”

Your eyes are wide in shock, all anger towards the variant now turning into this churning feeling of betrayal that resides within your abdomen. Judge Renslayer doesn’t look at you, focus fixated on the two variants—it’s like you’re not even there.

The three start to charge towards you and you involuntarily shut your eyes. Then, as quick as a rattlesnake, Loki grabs the tempad hung at her waist and sends the three of you falling through the ground.

That’s the thing about Loki. He gets inside your head, makes you think that for once, he may be worth not pruning. Now, with your back landing hard on top of him, all you could think about is wanting to strangle him to death.

TAGLIST:

@lareinedususpense

@poubxlle

@mystoragehatesme

@the-maroon-panda

@kashasenpai

[oreosmama]

Can you do Shoto, Bakugou, Tokoyami, Tomura and Dabi learning their s/o was born with a heart condition but it doesn't stop them from fighting (eg. I was born with an irregular heartbeat so I'm stuck with it for life and I always have to let the doctors know say I was to need to be asleep for something a special doctor 100% has to be in the room to make sure I don't die even if the work is something small and simple)

S/O Born with a Heart Condition (BNHA Headcanons)

*GIFs not mine*

A/N: This is my first attempt at headcanons, so they might be too small or too large (or too shitty), idk (I also haven’t watched bnha long enough to meet Dabi’s character so :/). Thank you so much for the request, and I truly hope you like it! I tried to make it as accurate as possible to what I could find online, so I hope it works for you. Enjoy!

Word count: 1494

Todoroki Shouto:

If Todoroki wasn’t attached before, he sure is now. 

This man doesn’t hesitate to cater to your every need, and always supports you when you want to do something out of your comfort zone. 

That doesn’t mean he ever leaves your side for more than 20 minutes at a time, though. 

He’s grown attached to you in a way he never thought he could, and hates to see you do something dangerous without his or a doctor’s supervision. 

If you want to work out or something, he’s hesitant at first, but allows you to do so with his constant warnings not to hurt yourself and take it easy. 

He’s always willing to cuddle and comfort you if your chest begins to hurt, and slowly spoons you while massaging your stomach. (His warm hand is a dream.)

You’re still growing used to having doctors watch you almost 24/7, and when you confess this to Todoroki, he hugs you tightly and whispers that he will only stay by your side when you feel up to it.

Of course you feel up to it. This man may have part-cold powers, but he’s still hot as hell. 

You always feel more comfortable with him in the room, and Todoroki is always glad to be around you, taking as much comfort in your presence as you do with him. 

Bakugou Katsuki: 

When Bakugou learned you had a heart condition, he wouldn’t let anyone near you, treating you like a glass doll. (He barely keeps it together when your doctors come around.)

Every time one of his friends would get a little too close, he would start to growl.

If someone bumped into you in the halls, you best believe he blows up on their ass, even if it’s one of his closest friends.

“WHAT WAS YOUR DUMBASS THINKING RUNNING INTO HER LIKE THAT?! I’M GONNA EXPLODE YOUR ASS INTO THE NEXT CENTURY!”

Ten more minutes pass of him screaming at that person, and at some point you have to poke him in the side to get his attention. After that, he goes Mama bear mode.

Yes, even Bakugou has that setting.

He grabs your shoulders with concern written all over his face. “What? Are you okay? Do you need a doctor or something? SOMEONE CALL THE NURS-”

You gotta smack him across the forehead just to get him to shut up. (It resets his brain a lil bit.)

Overall, even though his friends tease him about it, he’s still fiercely protective over you, and no one aside from him is allowed in your ten-foot radius personal bubble. 

You hated how he treated you like a baby, always grabbing your arms to stop them before he snatched the item off the top shelf for you, or any other acts that he does for you that piss you off so much.

Like a pit bull on a leash, he barked and snapped at anyone you passed on the street as his hand gripped your own tightly. 

He was your little guard dog, your furious, explosive protector, and although you often argued about how you could handle yourself, you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Tokoyami Fumikage:

You already know this man perches in the corner of your room at night. 

Although he trusts your doctors, he still wants to make sure you’re okay while you sleep. 

There’s a desk in the corner of your room, and he just squats down on top of it like nobody’s business, keeping a watchful eye on your every move. 

The first time he did it, it kinda freaked you out.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing.”

“You look like Batman-”

“Go to sleep.”

From then on, you let him just watch as you slept, used to having eyes on you as you do. 

Occasionally, Dark Shadow creeps out in your dim bedroom and pets your hair gently, with constant warning from Tokoyami to be careful around you. 

As your relationship grew stronger, you would find him sitting closer and closer to you every night. 

(He scared the shit out of you one day when you awoke to find him crouched on your nightstand.)

Then, one night you stirred to him cuddling you in your sleep. You asked him what he was doing once again.

“I keep watch much better from this vantage point.”

You always ran a hand through his feathers while Dark Shadow’s presence slowly curled around you, and rarely found yourself falling asleep just as easy without him after a certain point. 

Tokoyami watches you like a hawk, and always keeps you on your pills if you take them. He’s a dutiful boyfriend, who never hesitates in making you feel comfortable and loved, day or night. 

Shigaraki Tomura: 

HAND MAN, HAND MAN

Let’s be honest here. We’re talking about a villain. We all know this mf kidnapped you. 

He fell for you first, of course, and was initially confused by your constant doctor companions. He just didn’t like how close they got to be around you, when he had to stay so far away.

He overheard your condition, and by then he had loved you too much to let you suffer, so he snatched up a doctor to take care of you in the villain’s lair as well. 

After a year of patiently waiting, he finally wore you down enough to have you love him. 

By then, he didn’t even have to request you stay in his line of sight at all times. You did so willingly. 

Whenever you wanted to go outside and go shopping or whatnot, he always held your hand to do so. With your doctor near of course.

He just couldn’t risk losing you, no matter how much you whined that you would be fine. 

He’s just as hesitant to cuddle or touch you, but still craves hugs from time to time. Nighttime snuggles are a rare occurrence.

When they do happen, he’s a bit bitter they can’t lead on farther thanks to the unwanted audience in the room.

He definitely lays his head on your chest to listen to your heartbeat.

“Still tickin’!”

In the end, Shigaraki embraces your condition with stride, and does everything in his power to make sure you’re safe and alive.... In his home…. And in his bed ;)

Dabi: 

When Dabi learns you have a heart condition, he becomes ten times more alert around you. 

If you stub your toe, he’s by your side in an instant, shouting about how you have to be careful.

If you bake a cake, he watches over your shoulder to make sure you don’t hurt yourself with any kitchen utensils used. You know, like a whisk.

“What if your finger gets caught and you panic and die on me?!”

Fight me on this, but blue fire boy’s attitude would flip a 180. 

Out of all these guys, he’s the one who’s gonna watch over you the most, acting like a self-taught doctor. 

You can’t do anything without his approval. 

One time he came home to you accidentally taking a nap on the couch. 

… *sigh*

Yeah. Dabi flipped his shit. 

“DON’T YOU DARE LEAVE MY SIGHT EVER AGAIN YN!”

“I was just-”

“NO!”

You’re the only love in his life, and he doesn’t know what he would do if he lost you. 

(Two words. Fire. Rampage.)

Just… be careful. Dabi is the last guy you want to piss off. Of course, he could never be truly mad at you, but you sure know how to push his buttons. 

He, um, he typed up a list of things you could do without his supervision. 

It’s two bullet points long.

1. Go to the bathroom.

2. That’s it.

Dabi can’t remember a time he was as attached to someone as he is to you, so when you throw your fits about wanting to do something on your own, he listens just about as well as a student in an online class. 

“Mhm, sure.”

He just doesn’t wanna lose you, so from now on, try to stay away from doing just about anything until he’s around to witness it. 

aSiDe FrOm gOiNg tO tHe bAtHrOoM oF cOuRsE

[cosmiclatte28]

Amnesia (Jaehyun x reader)

tw : amnesia, crazy parents, drunk driver accident, failed attempt to write an angst

a/n : hello, so I read this work I left since December 2020 but yeah I read this and turns out I want to know if this is interesting enough to have another chapter to finish the story or not. If not then it's okay I'll just leave it here, but if you're curious I can try work it out.

tagging @charmingyong @neopalette .. @yutahoes and @swagmonsterofficial who can probably help me with the writer's block . you too readers. help me finish this story :))) thxxx

The thing you fear the most in this life is the day where you lost your memories. Memories of everything important in your life. You've been so afraid of not remembering things, mostly because the doctrine of your parents planted inside your brain.

"Look at your brother, Doyoung, he aces all of his tests, have time to do sports, sings well, proper manners, and always practicing doing his best. You too should think of being like him."

For sixteen years you're always compared to him. For sixteen years you worked your brain off to memorize extended classes you were forced to take. For sixteen years you faked your identity in order to look smart. For sixteen years you pray with all your might nothing bad will happen to you that involves a reset button to your brain.

That day happened, on your last year of high school where you've prepared yourself for the national entrance test. You've forced your brain to memorize everything, maximizes all you know since young age, and even pushed your other desires aside (not that it is new, you never put your desire first)

You start preparing it one year prior

"Don't go too hard (y/n)... I know you can do this," your boyfriend (secret boyfriend) calls you when he checks on you.

"Oh Jaehyun-ah, as much as I want to slack off there is no way I'll live in peace if I score lower than Doyoung's." You reply him as you flip through some sets of questions.

Jaehyun sighs from the other end of the call "And your brother scored perfect?"

You hum "Actually yes he did."

"Did your parents really love you? Why are they torturing you this way... I remember playing when I was younger and yet I made it to this stage." The young future psychologist boasted.

Jaehyun is actually the same age as your brother, he is Doyoung's friend and he knew you from visiting Doyoung back then in high school. He secretly learns about your name and even your number, since then he's been calling you and giving you all the love, you could never get from your family.

"I study psychology and what they're doing is not good." Jaehyun lays down on his bed. As much as he questions himself why he wanted to date you he can't answer it.

His friends had been telling him to break up with you because you're just going to make his life hard since your parents went too hard on you. But his heart screams that he needs to help this little girl he secretly feels bad. Jaehyun saw you sitting on your room sticking your nose to a book he thought was a middle school's book... when you were just graduating elementary. He was pretty sure you're not happy and even Doyoung secretly spills the hidden feeling that he doesn't like seeing his sister treated that way.

He remembers the conversation he had with his bestfriend on that summer vacation

"Make it stop then Doyoung..." jaehyun said as he played with a soccer ball inside the big room.

Doyoung sighed "I tried Jae, but mom and dad didn't seem to listen. They just told me they wanted the best for (y/n) and that by pushing her she'll find her way to be successful."

Jaehyun snorted "Gosh I'm glad my parents are not like yours."

Doyoung massaged his nose bridge "I even tried messing up my scores, but I earned myself detention and she was told to never be like me. Look I tried rebelling, but they're not fazed."

Jaehyun rolled his eyes "Want to escape to my house? Take (y/n) too maybe..."

Doyoung buried his face on his hands "Oh I wish Jae! I am also hating this, but I'll be dead and if this involves (y/n) I'm double dead because," Doyoung fixed his posture and mimicked his parents "Doyoung you're the brother here, a gentleman will always protect a lady and (y/n) is your sister and she's a girl."

"Damn it. Jae, I need that scholarship!" Doyoung groaned.

Jaehyun nodded "The one offering a seat in USA? Go for it. I didn't see why you hesitated... with that brain you didn't need to study and still get perfect."

Doyoung went silent for a minute "But won't I just make her life harder? Who will help her if I am not here?"

Jaehyun snickered "As if you have been helping her at all... take that chance. I'll look after (y/n) she's already like my little sister."

Doyoung couldn't thank Jaehyun enough when he hugged his friend before leaving to the states.

Doyoung hugged you too and secretly whispered "Jae is my substitute, please please promise me you will be honest with him and tell him whatever you're feeling. I'll see you in the states! Girl this is your chance to leave the dark alley." Doyoung wiped your tear that left your eyes. Well Your brother has been secretly sneaking from his room to teach you things you still cannot understand when you're younger. He kept on apologizing for the situation you both live in... but you can't totally blame him too. In this life if someone asked you who were the most important person, you'll say it's Doyoung then Jaehyun.

In the meantime

"Look Jae, I need that scholarship... Doyoung is waiting for me. He's been telling me life is not that gloomy." You sound so hopeful and Jaehyun doesn't want to spoil your small happiness.

He sighs "Fine, you've learned enough! Please a good rest is also important."

"Yeah yeah say that to my parents and see if you got slapped." You giggled and Jaehyun noted that. Well he had been noting your behaviour too and planned to make you his first journal subject.

"Look I love you okay, don't tire yourself too much. Drink water, stay healthy and sleep." He bids you goodbye and little did you know that was probably the last night you could sit in your room and absorbed new materials inside your brain.

For the next day when you got home from school, you never made it back home. You did not remember anything, only a loud horn and your body hitting the asphalt. Your ear rang and your eyes went dark.

Your parents were crying when they heard the news of you getting hit by a car and it was a drunk driving accident. Jaehyun left his class when Doyoung texted him about you. Well Doyoung was called in the middle of the night and he was more than broken hearted to hear this.

Jaehyun was shocked when he heard the news, but he was more shocked when he sees your parents are there weeping like how parents love their children so much and super afraid of losing them.

He wonders why they would treat you so strict if they love you this much. Well some people say that is their way of showing love, but for rational people Jaehyun disagree how hard your parents were on you and your brother.

Your mother recognized Jaehyun and explained everything that happened.

Jaehyun's heart broke when the paramedics informed them on the next day that you got the amnesia.

Your parents cried maybe because it is the natural way to act, but Jaehyun's world collapsed when he remembered you telling him the worst thing you fear is waking up with a blank brain.

It took you some days to wake up from your coma, considering that you also had some broken bones and some operations are done on your body, Jaehyun's glad you woke up four days after the accident.

He saw it the first time you open your eyes and you squinted all around he saw the slight tremble you had in your eyes.

Though he's not sure if you have amnesia you could remember fearing this to happen, but he believed your heart remembered this fear and showed how scared you are.

The doctor ran the first test and you happened to know basic things like your name and at least your parents. You know their faces but not their names and Jaehyun, it took you some time but the glint of hope in your eyes was enough to let Jaehyun feels not left out.

"Jae" you whisper, and the doctors were delighted when you could mention his name.

Your parents were crying, feeling super sad that their daughter had to go through this but once you got a time alone with Jaehyun you couldn't cry nor can you laugh.

"Jae," that is all you can think of.

You move your hands and find them fascinating. Jaehyun wanted to cry, it's as if you're a baby discovering new things you can do again. This is the same girl who understand chemistry even when she's just eleven! The girl who speaks five languages fluently, the same girl who can play the hardest piano piece, the same girl who was forced to be perfect and she did it she was perfect but she lost everything she worked super hard for.... within one blink of an eye. For the first time after several years, Jaehyun cried his heart out in silence alone in his bedroom.

For two months you were on a therapy session to regain your memories and some of them are coming back. Jaehyun took a break on his school, saying he is doing a research (well he didn't lie) but mostly because he needs to and wants to take care of you. He didn't want your parents to ruin this golden chance of him fixing you (he wishes)

"Name?" Jaehyun asks every time he visited you. You could answer that easily "(y/n)"

"Siblings?" You could also answer that "Doyoung."

It took you sessions to find a trigger word that could bring more memories back.

"Books?" The doctor once asked and you blanked out. Your body shakes and the traumatic experience of being forced to read from a young age came into you.

"Books?" The therapist asks again when you kept quiet. Jaehyun sits next to you, holding your hand and he frowns when your grip tightens.

"Hell." Was all you say before clenching your fist and holding your head from throbbing so much.

You woke up on your private room already Jaehyun happens to be writing down the notes from today's session.

"I saw some memories Jae. What month is this?" You asked out of the blue

"No don't ask me questions. Rest (y/n)" Jaehyun tried to divert your attention.

"Month Jae!" You scream and right on time a nurse came in she heard your question and easily answered “November?"

You count and stared in horror "The test... 8 months left Jae! How can I memorize what I've learnt since baby to now?!"

The nurse was surprised maybe by your burst of words or just surprised by your sentence and Jaehyun shot her a dead glare.

She quickly changed your IV and left after seeing your panic stage.

You were shaking, nerves suddenly transmitting traumatic memories and you cried when you tried to remember everything you've worked super hard on... gone with one accident.

"(Y/n) calm down. Forget that! forget that test! You need to heal yourself first." Jaehyun holds you back from your panic attack.

Your parents saw you frantically shake on your bed with Jaehyun trying his best to calm you down. They ran to your side and when they heard what you said, their heart broke and for the first time your parents realized they've been doing the wrong thing to you.

"Mother is sorry, please (y/n).. honey" she cried... if your mind is right, you'll choke up for she never calls you sweet names, but you have no recollection of that, "honey please forget that test. Forgive me and dad for being too hard on you. Please my one and only precious daughter... just heal yourself first. You don't have to take the test now. Calm down."

Actually, Jaehyun finally talked to your parents, he talked politely about the way your parents raised both you and Doyoung in a wrong way. No, he didn't blame your parents for wanting the best, he just told them they shouldn't be comparing child and shouldn't put too much force on something one doesn't like. He explained the effect you had growing up like that and your mom was crying when she heard Jaehyun's easy explanation.

"We're sorry... now how do we fix this?" Your mother asked to the young man across him.

"If you let me, this is a new blank page. Like a reset button, though (y/n) might get fragments of the dark memories, but we can at least rewrite the pages and put in more love and joy into her life."

Your parents both agreed and let Jaehyun does his best to fix their mistakes.

So here you are, sitting on your bed for the third month already, mind still somehow fuzzy and you always stare at your room with blank face. You noticed the plain walls and when you arrived at your home, the grand piano greeted you, but you were confused of the big thing.

"Hey (y/n)," Jaehyun greets you when he comes into your room, "Hungry?" He asks first thing first after you wake up.

You nod your head and notice the lack of food on his hand.

"No breakfast?" Your face shows confusion.

Yes you were eating breakfast on bed for one month, mostly because your doctor also told you to not use your legs too much, but Jae saw it is quite the time you learn to walk and eat properly.

"There is, but not here. Come, we will eat properly." Jaehyun helps you stand, and he walks you to the dining table.

There you sit down, eyes empty as you scan the room, still unable to remember where and what is this place.

Your maid comes with a plate of your favorite breakfast. You look at Jaehyun with expecting eyes, he usually sits on the side of your table and feeds you. All you have to do is wait for the food to come into your mouth!

"Jae?" You question him when he picks up his own knife and fork then he digs into his own plate.

You watch him and he speaks up "Copy me."

You pick up the fork and knife, take the detail and switch the position when Jaehyun shows the right way.

He sees you struggle with your knife still and chooses to cut it for you. He returns the plate with small chunks of eggs and sausages then pushes it back to you.

"Now, eat." He continues doing his activity and with trembling hand (because everything is like you learning from basic) and slow but steady you can eat by yourself.

Jaehyun smiles with adoration, he couldn't deny you're actually smart like gifted smart... he thought there was no way someone could live like you and Doyoung if they do not have a bright basic.

"Delicious?" Jaehyun asks after you finish your plate.

You nod "Thank you" and both your eyes and his open wide.

"Did I just say thank you?" You also sound surprised.

Jaehyun nods "I mean i haven't remind you about table manners, but as expected that big brain is not completely blank, I guess."

The day continues with Jaehyun teaching you some more basic knowledge, you sit down on the sofa and your eyes bore into the big grand piano. Jaehyun noticed ever since you came home you seemed super curious about it. He is not the best pianist, but he can play some songs.

"Come, I think you're interested in this." Jaehyun sits you on a chair beside the piano and he takes his seat.

"Okay I am not as good as you, but let's try this. maybe music can bring back my (y/n)." Jaehyun plays some keys to warm up his fingers and he didn't see the sudden surprise you have in your eyes.

Jaehyun plays a simple piece of your favorite sad song, Clair de Lune. He said he wasn't a great player, but here he is confidently playing one song from the master part.

You clap your hands astonished when he finishes half of the song and surprise him with what you say next.

"That is beautiful. Why did you stop?"

Jaehyun wants to scream, music brings you back? Did your brain forget everything else that is painful to you, but not music because it's the only thing you do with love?

"Want to try?" Jaehyun stands up and helps you get comfortable.

Your eyebrow knits together when you first eye the black and white keys and then after placing two hands over them and closing your eyes, as if it's muscle memories your finger expertly play the same piece Jaehyun showed you, but this time you finished the whole song.

Jaehyun has this recorded and if he knew this earlier, he would've made you sit here and play more music. He notes how your eyes glimmer when your fingers still remember the song and for once Jaehyun saw a willing to live in your eyes.

to be continued... (or not if this is not interesting to read :D)

tell me should I continue or not? and make this happy end or sad end?

[extremelyblackandwhite]

heiress - 2

pairing: bucky barnes x oc!reader

a/n: this is part two of a four part series based on a song lyrics sent to me by an amazing anon with a reader based on my favourite oc. hope you enjoy xx

“letters strewn across your bedroom floor. such beautiful words but you can’t remember who they’re for“

previous chapter

His memories had always been foggy. Even after slipping from HYDRA’s control, his memories were still foggy. He could remember almost everything through a sepia-like filter yet his memory as even more distorted the moment he looked at her. He had this gut wrenching feeling he had known her yet his foggy red tinted memories gave him no answer as to who this woman was and whenever he tried digging deeper into his subconscious. he would just get tired. Almost as if his own mind did not allow him to know her but he knew he must’ve seen her face or her figure somewhere and if he hadn’t then he must’ve known her in another life because whenever he looked at her, he felt comfortable. It was an odd sensation to explain, a deja-vu like feeling, a feeling which made him want to run up to her and held her into his arms but she was a stranger. Everything was strange here even Wanda who despite him having shared a few words with, looked so distant.

      - When did Wanda have time to have two ten year olds? -  Sam threw himself to one of the beds in the room the two of them had been assigned to. Sharon had gotten a different room yet Sam and Bucky were bunking together like 13 year old campers. - Also can she resuscitate people now? I mean, he’s an android but nevertheless. Oh my god, how did an android and a human had kids?

     - Do you trust them? Sharon isn’t too convinced.

     - Well, Wanda fought by our side so did Vision and Fury and Hill are with them. Unless they all turned evil, I think we can somewhat trust them. 

     - I don’t know, Sam. I ... I don’t trust the girl.

     - They’re almost all girls, cyborg brain. Be specific. Did specificity did not exist in the 40s?

     - The one who dropped her gun first.

     - Maybe, she’s Pierce’s kid or so says Sharon. Maybe you used to babysit her. 

     - No, I ...

     - Sergeant Barnes ... - Monica knocked on the door before allowing herself into the bedroom. - There were some letters in the file written by you. We believe it is not our right to intrude onto your privacy so we wanted to give them to you. 

     - God, every time I discover something about you, it makes you sound even older than you are. - Sam leaned against the bed frame as Bucky warringly took the letters from the Monica who left the room once her job was done.

The paper had grown old with time, yellowing around the borders of the Red Room envelopes they used to give the girls who behaved well enough so they could send their parents some news. He remembered stealing a few to try and write any memories which came through so he wouldn’t forget them when the officers erased him. Somehow they always found the letters yet there it was in his hands, a big stack of letters which seemingly hadn’t been destroyed. It was his handwriting that much he knew, however he did not know who Daisy was, he did not know who had the name to which the letters were addressed to. 

     - Who did you write letters to? Steve?

     - Daisy. - he didn’t mean to reply but those words just seemed to flow naturally from him and he was entranced by the name in his handwriting alone. 

The snow felt step onto the ground, it was cold, cold enough everyone was wearing jackets inside despite the heater being on and he seemed to have been transported back into his memories. Everyone was cold and covered but not her and no matter how hard he tried to make up her face, it was fogged up in his memory but he could see her, he could see her in her strap black ballet top and worn out pink ballerina shoes which she had particularly asked Madam B not to be replaced. He could see her, but he couldn’t make her out, he didn’t know who she was. 

    - Daisy, you’re going to get sick. - Bucky could hear himself speak but he wasn’t speaking, he wasn’t there, he was just reliving a memory. 

   - Don’t call me Daisy. I hate it when you call me Daisy.

   - Hey, cyborg brain? Are you ok? - Sam’s voice was echoey until he touched his shoulder and then he was harshly brought back to reality. - Don’t bug out on me, I don’t know how to reset you. 

    - Yeah, just thinking.

The night was long, too long and he spent every minute of it reading every single letter he had written this woman until they were all spread out across the floor of the room; but we loved with a love that was more than love me and my Daisy, I’m sorry Daisy, I miss you Daisy. Daisy, Daisy, Daisy, Daisy. He had read that name more than a hundred times and he still couldn’t remember who she was yet he knew he loved her or that he had loved her. The more he tried to remember it, the more his head hurt, the more the blurry memories turned red. He didn’t known who this woman who had meant so much to him was. He shoved those letters under the bed and left the room while Sam was sleeping. He need to clear his head, clearly this woman hadn’t meant that much to him if he couldn’t remember her, but he knew it was a lie. He knew she mattered.

The sounds of his shoes against the floor made him forget about her, her the ghost of a woman he loved. He continued to walk, watching the walls surrounding him until a glass wall broke the continuous light blue of the walls. He peeked through it and there it was, the woman he felt he knew in a black suit on pointe. He was hypnotised by the constant plié to on pointe as if it was nothing. Bucky went around, opening the door to watch her more closely.

   - How do you do it? - he asked, taking her by surprise. Turning around, she had fear in her eyes as she took a step back, something Bucky was used to. It no longer hurt as it used to. - The feet thing. I ... my sister used to watch ballet and they always did that. 

   - Oh, uhm ... it’s all about supporting your body weight onto your toes and wearing the right pair of shoes.

   - I’m Bucky, by the way ... Uhm, thank you for not killing us. 

   - I’m Y/N. - she extended her hand to shake his. - Is the room alright? Do you need anything?

   - Do you know who Daisy is? Sharon said your father is Pierce so I thou ...

   - I don’t. - she interrupted him. - I don’t really know a lot about my father’s private life. I’m sorry.

   - You’re too early for ... - Yelena entered the room in tactical gear, stopping once she saw someone other than Y/N. Her eyes searched for Y/N’s who were begging for help. - Fight training. Closed off fight training.

   - Right, I ... I was just looking for the kitchen. - he said but was still gazing her eyes

   - I’ll take you. - the blonde Russian gave him a tight smile, pointing towards the door and exiting with him.

The air that seemed to have been previously held on her chest came out almost in a wave and she felt herself slide against the mirrored wall until she was sat on the floor, head looking at the tall ceiling as if she were in catatonic state, and maybe she was, she didn’t know. How could she know if whenever he spoke to her all she could hear was that piano, that damned low piano and the mirage of him, the mirage of the life she wanted with him in Westview. She looked at her shoes, worn out, the pink satin which one was shiny new had black worn out spots over where there used to be an embroidered daisy. She was glad it was gone, she was glad it wouldn’t return. Nevertheless, she could still feel her ... Agatha, poking at whatever protected her mind. She could almost hear her calling out to her with promises of all she wanted. They had always gone after her ... the weak link, the one whose will was easy to break. It was no mistake the red room had given her the nickname Daisy out of all flowers they could’ve picked. She was easily broken, manipulated to be a strong fighter but easily broken by those who knew. She wondered if the Red Room was still out looking for her, looking for Yelena ... she wondered what control they still held over her, what control her father had over her. Both knew she was alive, both had tortured her with tapes of ... him. They knew she was alive, it was only a cat and mouse game until they took her away. Their experiment. Their unsuccessful successful experiment. 

    - God, he’s awfully chattier than I remember. - Yelena walked into the room, eyes lowering to where she was. - Who told you to take a break? Get up and fight me. 

    - He knows.

    - Chill, Y/N. He didn’t even know what a waffle maker was until now. He’s not gonna break through whatever you made Wanda do to him which, by the way, I’m against. - the blonde sat next to her. - You let Monica hand him the letters, of course he’s gonna wonder who Daisy is. Terrible name.

   - I’m sorry, Yelena, not everyone had the pleasure of having the code name Hyacinth. -  Y/N teased.

   - It was a great code name. The best code name.

   - No, it wasn’t.

   - Want the morning off? I could spar with Monica or Alexei. - Yelena gave her a kind look and an offer she couldn’t refuse. Last thing she wanted to do was to spar with anyone in her mindset. Yelena understood it, her too having dealt with her own trauma inflicted by the Red Room. In times like these, both girls had learned to leave each other alone to cope with whatever demons they had.

Y/N dragged her knees up to her chest like a kid, hair falling in front of her eyes as she fished for the dog tags under her shirt. She ripped them from her neck, letting the old metal tags slide through her fingers. She clenched the memorabilia of past emotions against her chest. 

  - Yelena said you were gloom. - Wanda walked into the room still in her pyjamas. - Besides your shield is down and your thoughts are loud. You ought to learn to control it someday.

  - Well, you seem to love getting in people’s minds.

  - Not yours. Whenever I get the particular pleasure of doing it  ... - she sat next to her, still in her dressing gown. - You’re either feeling guilty or in such pain. I think it’s time you speak about it.

  - She’s still in my mind ... Agatha. She lingers. 

   - What does she know? She couldn’t even give you an actually accurate mirage of Bucky. Two arms? Please. 

   - She’s gonna be after us non-stop, Wanda. She will pair forces with Ross to get what she wants and then all of this will be as worthless as it was. With Zemo if she needs too ... 

   - She can’t get to you, okay? - Wanda gave her a kind smile, the type of smile she gave the twins whenever one of them was sad but this time it didn’t help. She could hear her voice calling out for her, she could see the purple tint in her nightmares and while Monica and Wanda had learned to deal with it, mostly ignoring it, she could fell the witch’s influence in her stronger than ever. 

She remained laid against the wall of the training room even after Wanda was gone. She looked at the ceiling, fingers toying around with the humidity in the air making it fall onto the ground like rain. Fitting, she thought. Yet again, whatever she could do always seemed to mirror whatever she thought or felt like. It was past midday when she made her way from the gym to her bedroom to get dressed. She knew better than to leave the hex unaccompanied but what surrounded it was wilderness and she always felt at peace in wilderness, the soft sounds of birds chirping and the water falls always made her forget the screams from the red room, the purple aura from Agatha ... it just didn’t make her forget Bucky. She had always wanted to see him again, to apologise ... to ... she didn’t know what to do, she just knew she got tongue tied whenever she saw him, the guilt eating her alive.

    - Well, hello dear. - Y/N turned around, eyes shining white behind her iris as Agatha stood there in her purple peplum dress. - There’s no need for a fight, dear. I just want to talk.

    - Well, I don’t ... - she took a fighting stance but the woman merely shrugged.

    - I just came to give you a shoulder to cry. Word on the street is that your Bucky is around. Isn’t that wonderful, dear?

    - Based on your illusion of him, I’d think you wouldn’t even recognise him. 

    - You know, you’ll always be my favourite out of the three girls. You and I are very similar, my dear. Besides, I can help you, I know how your powers work and it’s not for cheap tricks. I can help you with him, I know what it is like to have someone take the person who you love the most be taken for you but I can help you, dear. You and me, we can get what we want, what it’s rightfully yours.

     - He’s not mine. - she meant her words to come strong, swiftly like the thunderstorm winds yet they faltered, as if they were only now registering in her mind. 

     - You know, dearest ... the good thing about the soul stone is that it made you who you are. The bad thing is, you’re not gonna be able to control what it gave you if your soul is in disarray. The more your mind battles, the more your ability will take hold of you.

     - What do you mean?

     - Why do you think Wanda got more powerful when things were falling apart in Westview?

     - Y/N! - Monica’s voice made Agatha disappear in a cloud of purple mist. Y/N turned her head to the side to see Monica make her way through the trees, decked out in her fighting outfit. - What are you doing here? You missed the early morning brief and you’re in ... whatever you’re wearing.

     - I just needed some time off. - she smiled. - Why are you in battle gear?

     - Darcy’s sure one of the books must be in the Red Room ... the one where you were trained. - Monica sighed, less than happy to have to bring Y/N back to that place but if there was someone who could navigate it, it was her. - Yelena was not trained by ... him, so she does not know. Y/N, I don’t think ... I think you and him should talk. 

    - There’s nothing to talk about. - she forced a smile, following Monica back into the hex. - We are different people, besides ... I don’t think he would forgive me at all.

    - Can you at least tell me what happened? What happened with him, what happened in Westview? Wanda says you’re in pain and I don’t want you to be in pain. You helped me when I was in pain, I wanna help you too. We’ve known each other for what? Five years discounting the Thanos thing? Six?

    - I will talk about it someday. Just not today.

    - Are you in the headspace to go with us? We can always try and see what Sergeant Barnes remembers if you’re not up to it.  

    - I am a professional agent. - she smiled. - I’m always prepared.

The sooner we get this book situation sorted, the sooner she wouldn’t have to look at him anymore. At least that’s what she thought and as such she had no problem returning to the place which she had escaped from years and years ago. Nevertheless, she was first and foremost an agent, someone who fought for others and for once she had to do just that. Be professional. 

She got dressed in her traditional black tactic gear and jacket before heading down to the room where they kept most of their ammunition. It had been Jimmy’s idea to arm everyone involved in a mission just in case despite Y/N, Wanda and Monica being capable to hold their own without it. Even so, having a knife or a gun on them had made wonders before. Normally the people they go against aren’t exactly fair and she had learned that the hard way. As she opened the door to the ammunition room, she came face to face with him lacing up his boots. It was the most common action yet it felt so foreign to see him do it, to see him be in control of lacing up his own shoe laces. Part of her was happy for him, happy he was happy, happy he was his own person but the other part of her screamed for her to let it go of her insecurities, he was not the same man she had known and she was definitely not the same woman. She was guilty for more than half his pain and that, that remained the same. 

Y/N ignored him, sliding past him to grab her own utility belt which was really nothing special except for the fact she had gotten everyone important in her life to carve their initials in them. Her point was if she was dying on the field, she had least had something which reminded her of the love which regardless of every bad thing she had done, still remained. She wrapped her belt around her waist and thigh, yet nevertheless it was still too loose. Damned belt.

   - You’re putting it wrong. -  Buck mumbled.

   - Pardon?

   - The belt. - he got up and walked up to her. - The second strap ... it’s too low on your thigh, should be higher.

   - Oh ... -  she moved her gaze away from him.

   - Here. May I? - he asked her, hoping to meet her gaze but she merely nodded still looking the other way. Bucky unclasped the strap from her thigh, bringing it up further up, his knuckles brushing against the fabric of her trousers. She slowly moved her gaze to look at him and he fixed her belt before he moved up, eyes staring into hers. They seemed to look at each other for a lifetime, before he cleared his throat. - It should be better now.

    - Uhm ... thank you, Sergeant Barnes.

    - Cyborg brain, how long does it take to lace up some boots? - Sam’s voice reverberated through the room making the two take each a step back going back to the distance between them. 

    - I have to go. - Y/N grabbed her jacket, exiting the room as fast as she could.

The plane ride was equally unbearable with her sat in front of him, catching his eyes every once in a while. God, she used to love his eyes. She still remembered being tangled in grey worn out sheets, laying across his chest just looking at him, looking at those eyes which always looked the same even when he forgot her. Those blue eyes, they were always the same despite the two of them being different people from who they were in the Red Room. Speaking of the devil, it no longer looked like one. It was falling down, the once crown jewel of HYDRA had worn out with time. The red walls were fading to brown, the spotless rooms were now filled with dust and ghosts of memories. It was gone, so how come it still haunted her?

   - Wanda and Sharon will take east, me and Sam west, Alexei and Yelena south and Y/N you can take north with Sergeant Barnes. - Monica suggested. Y/N shot her a way too familiar look, almost as if she were about to argue with her yet she understood the basis of her decision. After all, not everyone had ... a something controlling power. 

She took charge into the very familiar north wing of the building. They kept most off the girls who were yet to pass to the red room there and it had been her home for years. Bucky however, was remembering things which he couldn’t fully understand. He knew this place yet he didn’t remember walking these halls, he remembered the pain. He could still feel the pain, the much too familiar pain of having all he knew be gone.

    - You’ll take the right and I the left? Sergeant Barnes? - she put her hand on his hand, almost magically taking him away from ghosts of his pain. - Do you want to stop?

    - Yeah, I’ll take the left. - he rebuffed her, turning left.

The room seemed to take him in, memories of his own strained voice as he yelled out for some mercy returned to his consciousness, memories of things he had said, things he hadn’t said. He swiftly turned around, turning his gun to the door before turning back again to see a woman standing in front of him.

    - Woah lower the gun down, dear. - she had an eerily smile on her lips. Buck took a step back slowly but she moved her hand, a purple glow followed by the sound of the door closing. - I’m only here to help.

   - Y/N ... - he tapped his intercom but no sound came from it.

   - Yes, that’s exactly who we are talking about. You see I know who Daisy is, she knows who Daisy is. - she took a file from under her shirt. - Everyone knows who Daisy is but you. Now, I think it’s really unfair you don’t know so I decided to even out the game.

She threw the file onto the ground before disappearing. God, at least back in the 40s people only removed their faces. Bucky looked around, wearingly of his surroundings much more than he was before.  This room. was playing with his mind yet the file laying on the ground proved the woman wasn’t a mere mirage of his mind. He kneeled down too grab the file, opening it to reveal a passport photo of Y/N accompanied by an information sheet. He read through the first lines quickly until one particular fact stopped him. Known aliases: Daisy.

taglist: @lookiamtrying​

[tsrookie]

This Is Me Trying

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Alyssa Brooks)

A/N: Hey everyone! Soooo I was actually planning to scrap this fic, since I seriously couldn’t think about practically after Chapter 11. But then Chapter 12 came out, and boom! My brain finally decided to finish this! @kaavyaethanramsey Thank you so much for pre-reading! And a special thanks to @openheart12 for being totally chill with me taking this song for inspiration even though she had plans to do the same!

Song Inspiration: This Is Me Trying by Taylor Swift. I’m going to do some shameless promo for Taylor since her label ain’t bothering with that🙄

STREAM FOLKLORE!

Word Count: 3600+

Warning(s): One curse word

Summary: My version of Ethan’s thoughts after the MK heist. This man is NOT EASY to write!

——————————

Edenbrook was mostly quiet during the night shift. Most doctors left as soon as their time was up, not wanting to spend any more time in the hospital than they already had to.

But that wasn’t the case for a certain diagnostician.

The lamp on Ethan’s desk shone with a clear light in a stark contrast to his confusing thoughts. His mind was clouded. Clouded with thoughts of her.

Dr. Alyssa Brooks, the one he had hand selected from a thousand applications, the resident who had taken Edenbrook by storm as just a mere intern, and the woman who now held his heart.

He’d kissed her twice in less than two days. He couldn’t be the emotionless robot he had pretended to be for 10 years. He wanted to throw away everything to just hold her in his arms without a worry in the world. He didn’t want to just stand next to her. He wanted to be with her. But he had no idea how.

I’ve been having a hard time adjusting

I had the shiniest wheels, now they’re rusting

I didn’t know if you’d care if I came back

I have a lot of regrets about that

His mind automatically took him back to one of the most painful nights of his life: The night he’d returned from the Amazon.

“You’re an idiot Ramsey. An absolute moron. You know she’ll be there, then why the hell are you going there?!”, he’d scolded himself as his legs, as though they had a mind of their own, took him to Donahue’s.

He had no idea how she would react to seeing him. He was, after all, the man who was a complete coward and ran away from her and his feelings for her.

He wouldn’t have blamed her if she was in the arms of that scalpel jockey. At least he would treat her the way she’d deserved to be treated. Unlike him, who only knew to run. He had hoped that she would’ve buried her feelings for him.

The look on her face said it all. The pain, the betrayal, but also the care and concern, was plain to see in her brown doe-like eyes. Two months apart had done nothing to help either of them. He’d still cared for her way more than a mentor was supposed to care for a mentee. And then she’d kissed him.

In those few seconds, he’d felt more air in his lungs than he had ever felt in two months in the Amazon forest. He’d desperately wanted to kiss her back. He’d wanted to let her know that he cared about her more than she could possibly comprehend. But he didn’t.

It almost killed him to tell her that they had to reset. But he didn’t know what else to do at that point. That would forever remain one of his biggest regrets. He’d put them both through so much of pain that he could never forgive himself. He’d hurt her so much. Yet, she’d never given up on them.

He shook his head to bring himself back to the present. He looked into his wristwatch. 12:30 am. It was past midnight. He had to go home as he was past the point of trying to get any work done.

Pulled the car off the road to the lookout

Could’ve followed my fears all the way down

And maybe I don’t quite know what to say

But I’m here in your doorway

He drove out of the hospital and his eyes caught a flash of red walking on the pavement. “Alyssa?” She whipped her head around, recognizing his voice. She looked exhausted, but he wouldn’t blame her, knowing the day she had. Her ginger roots were all over her face and her clothes were completely wrinkled.

“Hey Ethan...”, she croaked in a raspy voice.

“Why on earth are you walking home? I thought you always took the train.”

“The station seemed overcrowded. Wasn’t in the mood to bump into any frat boys.”, she chuckled lightly.

“Get in. I’ll drive you home.”, he said. She opened her mouth to protest, but decided against it seeing the deadpan look on his face.

Her eyes were trained on the road. He glanced at her a couple of times but it didn’t seem like she noticed. She didn’t seem as lively as she was after they’d returned from Mass Kenmore. Something was nagging her, and he was determined to find out what.

“Is everything okay?”, he asked gently, not wanting to push her.

“Hmm... yeah it’s fine... everything’s fine.”, she replied unconvincingly.

“Alyssa...”

He took her hand in his and pulled over at her doorstep. “What’s wrong?”, he asked again, looking straight into her eyes. They were glassy and rimmed with red. His eyes slightly widened, realizing that she had been crying.

“It’s... a lot Ethan. First, it’s Kyra. She’s going to have major surgery. An extrapleural pneumonectomy. It could either save her, or...”, she trailed off, biting her trembling lip. He held her hand tighter, to try and give her the strength to continue. She took a deep breath and continued.

“I’m terrified about what could happen to her. I know I said that I could handle it this morning, but having her in this literal life of death situation... I just can’t”, she choked out a sob.

He immediately wrapped his arms around her on instinct. Her fragile frame trembled as she cried into his shirt. His heart broke to see her like this. He knew that Kyra had a slim chance of survival, but seeing the impact on Alyssa was too much to bear. He’d been through the same situation when Dolores died, and she’d helped him get through it. No matter what was to happen to Kyra, he was going to stand by her side through it all.

“And Raf...”, she suddenly said in receding sobs. “Raf’s leaving town and I have no idea why. It’s completely out of the blue and I’m really worried about him. He hasn’t been the same since the beginning of this year, and now he just decides to leave Boston.”

Ethan was surprised as well. He had known the paramedic only for a couple of months and even he was surprised at his decision to leave. He seemed to love his hometown and it seemed completely out of character for him to leave like this.

He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know that she was going through so much. It hurt him beyond anything to see her in her most vulnerable state.

I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

“Alyssa, I...”

He searched for the right words to say. He had comforted plenty of patients in the past, but nothing had prepared him to hold Alyssa in his arms.

“I know that I can’t take all this away, no matter how much I want to. But if you ever need anyone to talk to, or just want me around, I’ll be there. That’s a promise.”

He owed it to her. He owed her the world and more. She’d stood by him and been his rock through all his issues with his mother. He wanted to be there for her. He had to at least try.

“Thank you Ethan...”, she said with a soft smile that was enough to light up his whole world. He reluctantly let her go with a kiss to her hand. “Sleep well Alyssa.”

They told me all of my cages were mental

So I got wasted like all my potential

And my words shoot to kill when I’m mad

I have a lot of regrets about that

His lips still tingled from touching her hand. “Heaven knows how I’m going to keep up this pathetic act.” As he drove along the nearly empty streets, his mind went back to the most stupid decision of his life...

“You can’t live life like this Ethan. You can’t keep isolating yourself from her.”, Naveen had told him when he had made the foolish decision to run away to the Amazon. The old man had always known what went on in Ethan’s mind. There wasn’t a day where Naveen hadn’t chided him for locking himself up in his own cage. But he didn’t know what to do. His walls were up too high for anyone to climb over them.

But then Alyssa barged into his life. She broke into the invisible cage he had alienated himself in. All his high walls came up short for her. No one else had broken through his soul like her. He watched the walls he had built for over twenty years come falling down for her.

But despite all that, he had majorly screwed up. He had been nothing but rude and cold for weeks in her second year thanks to Gwyneth Monroe and Leland Bloom. He was furious at the board, but deep down he had known that the team would change a lot due to the budget cuts. He knew that it was completely unfair to direct his anger at her and everyone else in the hospital. But he didn’t know what else to do. His values and Naveen’s vision had been compromised, and that clouded his mind from thinking of anything else.

The regret and guilt in her eyes had pained him immensely. As time passed, he had accepted the fact that the fault wasn’t hers and that he was truly thankful to her for making the decision he was dreading. But he had no idea how to tell her all of that. His words and actions had hurt her and there was no going back and changing them. And it wasn’t even the first time. Hurting her repeatedly was all he ever did.

I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere

Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here

Pouring out my heart to a stranger

But I didn’t pour the whiskey

He remembered his days from med school. After Tobias had betrayed him by stealing Serena Jane, he didn’t bother with romance. He completely submerged himself in his studies. His peers found true happiness and love while he had accomplished more than anyone could have dreamed of, but stayed unhappy.

Whenever he opened up, he would just go through a world of pain. Tobias was the only person who he had truly trusted. But then he had stabbed him in the back in every way possible. He hadn’t planned to let Naveen in, but the old man had become like a second father to him. And then he had nearly died, which had terrified Ethan more than he had let on. He shouldn’t have let anyone in after that.

But then there was Alyssa.

His Rookie. He knew damn well that that nickname had become a term of endearment. That was why he rarely called her that after her second year began. He didn’t want to get her hopes up only to hurt her again.

He fell asleep with all these thoughts tormenting him.

The next day was pretty dull. He hadn’t seen her in the morning since the team didn’t have any new patients. He knew that she was probably working on Kyra’s case in her free time and didn’t want to impose. By the end of his shift, he was questioning his decision to even show up at work as it was incredibly tedious and monotonous without Alyssa by his side.

He found himself sitting at Donahue’s, with his eyes flicking to the door every once in thirty seconds in hopes that she would walk in. “You look like you haven’t slept properly in days”, said Reggie’s voice. “I mean, I know you’re busy as hell, but you at least used to look like you were a normal human back then.”, he chuckled. Ethan let out a heavy sigh as he stared at his untouched glass of whiskey. “You okay?”

Ethan considered Reggie to be a... good acquaintance, which was more than he considered three-fourth of the people in the hospital to be. But was he about to pour his heart out to him?

He looked down at his full glass and realized he didn’t even need the alcohol to express his agony. He just couldn’t take it anymore.

“It’s... Alyssa.”, he said as his eyes filled with pain.

“Tell me.”, Reggie said as he leaned on the bar countertop.

“I don’t know what to do about her. She’s a brilliant young doctor and my mentee. She has the skill and potential to become one of the greatest doctors the world has ever seen. And I need to push her to be that. Caring about her... that’ll get in the way. I might start being lenient with her if I’m with her. And I don’t want that to hinder her development...” He trailed off as a lump formed in his throat.

Opening up like this brought the bitter truth to light. There were too many professional obstacles for them to be a normal couple. But those were nothing compared to their emotional issues.

I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

At least I’m trying

He took a deep breath as he continued, “I don’t even know why she would want me. I’ve done nothing, absolutely nothing but cause her pain from the very start. I was the one who first kissed her. I was the one who lead her on. I was, sorry, am the coward who broke her heart by running away to the Amazon. I dragged her into the mess that is my personal life. But she still wants to stay. She’s by my side whenever I need her and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to repay her for everything she’s done for me.” He choked out a small sob. He loathed himself.

She was the last person on the planet who he ever wanted to hurt, but that was all he had ever done. Trying to make up for all that pain seemed nearly impossible.

“I don’t deserve her Reggie... I just don’t. I don’t even know how I fell in so deep. It all just... happened. And now I’m stuck in a dilemma where I need to be the best mentor I can be for her but I also can’t live a life without her as something so much more than just my mentee! I want her to be my-”

He stopped as he suddenly realised what he was about to say. He was about to admit that he wanted her to be his girlfriend. He wanted an actual relationship with her.

Reggie smiled knowingly at him. “Say it Ethan. Say it out loud so that you can finally accept it for yourself.” “I... I want to be in a relationship with her.”, he said. He let out a breath that he didn’t realized he’d been holding. He felt free.

And it’s hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound

It’s hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you

You’re a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town

He suddenly heard a laugh. Her laugh. His favourite sound in the whole world.

He whipped his head towards the source of the sound and sure enough, she was there. She was in the middle of what seemed like a drunken dance off with Lahela. But he didn’t look even half as drunk as Alyssa. Her eyes were hooded and worn out. Her clothes were all wrinkled up, but she didn’t seem to care at all, which was quite a surprise.

Something told him that she had overworked herself and was drinking to combat the exhaustion. But the way she moved made him feel otherwise. The way her hips swayed slowed in the dim light of Donahue’s sent his thoughts into the gutter.

His mind flashed with memories of the night she had won her ethics hearing. The way she had flashed a lopsided grin at him when he’d lied to a resident while leaving the bar. Her incredibly messy yet perfect room. The night they’d last slept together. The night he’d last felt her body perfectly intertwine with his. It all seemed like nothing but a distant memory now, with all that had happened. But he could never forget that night, no matter how hard he tried.

He let out a sigh as he looked at Reggie. “I think it’s better if I left now... It’s for the best if she doesn’t notice me.”

“Too late for that, since your Rookie is on her way to the bar right now”, came a reply with a smirk. Ethan let out a frustrated sigh, but he found himself unable to suppress the slight smile on his face as she made her way towards him.

“Ethaaan! What a *hiccup* wonderful surpriiise! I had noo idea you’d *hiccup* be here!”, she said in a singsong voice.

“Dr. Broo- Alyssa, what exactly do you think you’re doing near the bar in this state?”, he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Juuuust a few more *hiccup* drinks. I’m purrrrfectly fine.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. It seemed like it was now up to him to make sure she could at least walk straight.

“No. You are not having any more. I can’t handle a hungover member on my team when the Senator arrives.”

“You’re not the boss of me!”

“Actually I am.”, he smirked as he ushered her out of the bar.

And I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying (Maybe I don't quite know what to say)

I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying

The cold Boston air hit them in the face as they got outside. Winter was coming, and it seemed that his favourite resident had forgotten to bring a coat to combat the chilly weather.

It didn’t take him more than a second to realize she was shivering. Wordlessly, he took off his jacket and draped it over her shoulders. She looked up at him in surprise, her glassy eyes filling with life. He looked away on instinct, but couldn’t suppress the smile at the corner of his lips on seeing her in his clothes.

“Hey... I dunno if I’ve *hiccup* said this before, but I’m really glad to have you in my corner *hiccup* ya know. The past few days have been... so overwhelming and... I would’ve *hiccup* lost my mind if it wasn’t for you.”

He turned to look at her. Her brown eyes were filled with sincerity and... something else. Something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Something new. Something... affectionate.

If she could be wasted and still manage to talk to him with complete honesty, then his sober mind could do just the same.

He took her hands in his. They were cold, and sent a jolt of electricity through him. “Alyssa, I meant what I said yesterday. If you ever need me, for anything, at any time, I’ll be there. Nothing will ever change that, no matter what... changes between us.”

He saw her face light up at his words, and he realized that he had quite the same expression himself.

He didn’t know whether she was going to ask him anything further of the topic of... them. It seemed like she decided not to, and he was grateful for it. He still didn’t know what exactly to do, but he knew that it was foolish to keep pushing her away.

“Alyssa where on earth- Oh!”

Doctor Trinh’s eyes widened as she witnessed the tender exchange between them. Her expression morphed from shock to utter delight as she saw their joined hands. If it was someone else, Ethan would’ve immediately pulled away. But this was Alyssa’s best friend, and a doctor who he knew he could trust with their secret, especially since she had seen him come out of her room the previous year.

“I’ll umm... tell Jackie that it’ll take a while.”, she said sheepishly as she turned away from the pair.

“No it’s alright. I need to *hiccup* get some rest before tomorrow. We’re done here. Unless... there’s *hiccup* anything else you want to say?”, she asked as his eyes locked with hers again.

“Yeah... just that I don’t want you to worry too much. Everything’s going to be okay Alyssa.”, he said with a smile that mirrored hers. He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to her temple, as she reluctantly pulled away from him for the night.

“Thank you Ethan... for everything.”

“Don’t mention it.”

The ghost of a smile adorned his face as he went back to his car. He wasn’t sure about how she felt about everything. Hell, he still wasn’t sure about how he was feeling. But it was something beautiful. Something he hadn’t felt for anyone he had been involved with. Something that filled his heart with joy. Something he had thought that was impossible for him to feel since his mother had left him at eleven.

Love. Ethan Ramsey was in love with Alyssa Brooks.

The very idea terrified him. The worry of losing someone he loved had been rooted his mind since childhood. But she was different. His heart opened up to her in a way it had done with no one before.

It was going to be a long road, filled with obstacles and barriers. He didn’t even know if she felt the same about him. But he wanted to try. His life would never be complete without her in it, and the thought of a reset could never cross his mind again. Changing his view on the world was worth a try when it came to her. Because she was worth the risk. “She always has been.”

At least I'm trying

——————————

A/N 2: Hope you guys liked it! I’ve shamelessly included Louis Tomlinson and GoT references even though it’s supposed to be inspired from a Taylor Swift song😬 Let me know if you found them! And I hope I managed to stay true to the fact that our man is super oblivious to the fact that MC is head over heels for him as well😅 I tried to make this one seem like an actual fic instead of a kinda boring narration that I did last time. As always, constructive criticism is much appreciated❤️

Taglist: @kaavyaethanramsey @ohramsey @aylamwrites @caseyvalentineramsey @ohvamsey @starrystarrytrouble @dxnicaramsey @decadentwinnerjudgedream @nithya @mrsmatsuo-ramsey @imonlybibecauseofethanramsey @rookiefromedenbrook @bratzlahela @eramsey28 @the-pale-goddess @ohchoices @wellhelloramsey @pitchblackstars @mvalentine @swiftlydarcy @utterlyinevitable @angela8756 @akshara16 @sushiharrington @drethanramslay @lion-ess24 @whippedforethanfreakingramsey

Sorry if some of the tags don’t work😓 Let me know if you want to be added or removed!

[fabulouspotatosister]

Reset - Part One: Darling

a/n: Whoa, Eleven x Reader fanfiction in the year of our Lord 2020? More likely than you think.

I meant to finish the original version of this fic years ago, and then the Thirteenth Doctor came along and... well, we all know what happened. I was also just going to update the fic with a whole new chapter, but I decided to rewrite the whole thing since I wrote the first draft in 2015. Then I posted it in 2018 on AO3 to see if anyone would read it, and then proceeded to abandon it for two years. 

This fic is inspired by the episode "Amy's Choice", and, of course, "What's In a Dream?" by midnighteclipses. It's still one of my favorite DW reader-insert fics out there, and the first one I read a long long time ago. I hope you enjoy this!

Also if this read-more doesn’t work, I’m going to cry.

Word count: 3529

[Part One: You are here!] [Part Two] [Part Three] [Part Four] [Part Five]

“Darling, wake up.”

 You groan and squeeze your eyes shut, clumsy fingers grabbing at your blanket to pull the fuzzy thing over your eyes. The blankets smell good today. You’ve always used the same detergent, and it’s never failed you. Your brain is protesting, but your mouth hasn’t quite caught up yet, so all you do is mumble into your blanket, your mumbling roughly translating to “Five more minutes, please?”

 “Love. Sweetie. Dear. Don’t make me pull out ‘sweetheart’, I know how much you hate it.” You hear a long, dramatic sigh, and you feel a weight sink into the mattress. The weight shifts, and you feel hands splayed out on top of the blanket, threatening to pull it away and rob you of some good, extra sleep. “Please wake up.”

 “No,” you whine, vainly hoping that you’ll sink into the blankets and fall asleep before the idea of waking up becomes too tempting. It is getting a little hot... “Leave me alone.”

 Another sigh. “You asked for it.”

 “No, no -!”

 Suddenly, the blanket’s yanked away - you wince at the bright light that filters through the room, and when your vision clears, you see your husband, John.

 He smiles at you, and it’s brilliant. His hair is sticking out at ridiculous angles and yet he is still stunning, big beautiful green eyes shining in the light of the rising sun. “Hi,” he breathes out, and all you can think is that you have never felt so lucky in your entire life.

 “Hi.” You smile back, and his smile grows wider. “Good morning.”

 “Good morning to you too,” he says softly, reaching out to brush your hair from your forehead. “I was starting to wonder if you would ever wake up.”

 “Sleep is good.” You raise your eyebrows and push yourself up into a sitting position - John moves to sit closer to you, his hand falling from your temple and into your lap. He wraps his hand around yours. “It’s an escape.”

 “What, an escape from me? Am I that insufferable?” John lifts your hand to his mouth, laughing slightly. He presses his lips lightly to the inside of your palm, and butterflies erupt in your stomach. He slowly lifts his eyes to meet yours, mischief behind them, and suddenly you’re a schoolgirl with a crush, your heart racing at a simple kiss. “Well?”

 Well, that wasn’t fair. “Are you trying something?”

 John doesn’t move, but you know he’s hidden his smirk behind your hand - “Is it working?”

 “Do you want me to tell you the truth?”

 Oh, he’s definitely smirking now. “Of course.”

 “You are a big flirt.” You pull your hand away with a laugh. John had always been mischievous, his affection expressed in teasing touches and words. “Is something up? What’s the occasion?”

 “The occasion? There’s no occasion,” John says, and then his smile falls. You can see the gears in his head turning as he lifts his gaze to the sky, his lips open slightly in thought - and then, like nothing, he smiles again. “Although something is up. Close your eyes.”

 “What, now?” You giggle, doing as you’re told.

 “Yes, now,” John says. You feel him cup your face in his hands, and feel his lips on your forehead, and you catch the faint smell of pancake mix and blueberries amongst his distinctive smell. “I had to hurry before you got grumpy, and so there’s a bit of a mess in the kitchen, I’m really sorry -”

 "I don't get grumpy!"

 "Right, right…"

 You feel him get off the bed and leave the room, his footsteps growing softer as he walks away. Distantly, there’s the clinking of plates and utensils, something being poured into a glass, and something muttered that you’re sure is a swear -

 “Okay, you can open your eyes now.”

 You do, and you can barely keep your jaw from falling open - laid out in front of you is a breakfast feast. Pancakes, perfectly stacked pancakes drizzled with just the right amount of syrup, dotted with the color of blueberries, and a steaming cup of coffee right beside it. The room smells amazing now, and you feel amazing. All you can do is stare incredulously at the meal laid out in front of you.

 “Surprise!”

 You look up at John, your mouth still wide open - he hands you a fork and smiles sheepishly, placing his hands behind his back. Standing in front of you, you finally notice the flour stains on his arms, and the bits of batter on his shirt. Shaking your head, you blink away tears.

 “Oh no, don’t cry,” John says, quickly reaching forward to take your face in his hands again. He strokes your cheek with his thumb and you bask in the warmth of his touch - you are so lucky to have someone like him in your life. Forever. “I just wanted to make you breakfast.”

 “Yeah, but - this is so nice, I can’t -” You reach up and hold his wrists. “Why?”

 “Well, you deserve to have nice things.” John exhales, looking up at the ceiling before pressing his forehead to yours. “Someone as beautiful as you deserves to have nice things.”

 “Oh, don’t start,” you complain, but John just laughs and presses a chaste kiss to your lips. You, with your bedhead and your chapped lips and your sleepy face, beautiful. You weren’t really complaining at all. There’s a buzzing noise from the nightstand on the other side of the bed - “Hey, I think that’s your phone.”

 “I don’t have a phone,” John says innocently.

 “You have a phone, and you have work,” you counter. You realize you’re winning when he lets go of your face and rolls onto the other side of the bed to check his phone.

 “I’m going to be late!” you hear him gasp, and you bark out a laugh - John turns to face you, scandalized, his face pale. “This is no time to be laughing at my misery!”

 “It’s the perfect time to be laughing at your misery.”

 “I’m sorry, I got carried away making breakfast -” John scrambles off the bed, rushing to the closet and pulling out a coat. He switches between the closet and the full-length mirror propped up beside it, running his hands through his hair and adjusting his coat. “Bon appetit! Enjoy your pancakes, sweetheart, I’ve got to -”

 “Wait!” you cry out, stopping him in his tracks. “Wait. C’mere, I’m not letting you leave without a hug from me.”

 “But of course,” he says, quickly walking to you and leaning down so he can wrap your arms around you. You press kisses to his neck, his jaw, and finally his lips, attacking him with affection as a small “thank you” for the breakfast. It’s the least you can do for your lovely husband, the perfect man that you’ve somehow managed to snag from everyone else. How did you even manage that?

 “I won’t keep you,” you whisper, and he pulls away. “Go, you clever boy!”

 John beams at you and rushes out of the room - you hear the front door slam not long after. You settle into your pillows and pick at your pancakes; they taste divine, of course, and you sit on your bed silently eating your pancakes while enjoying the sound of distant birdsong. Chewing on a particularly syrupy piece of fluffy pancake you remember that you’ll have to clean up the “mess” John mentioned earlier, and you smile, having a plan already set for the day.

 You spring to your feet with a renewed sense of vigor, gathering up your empty plate and mug, and carrying them into the kitchen. You smooth your gloved hands over your apron and get to work washing all the plates left in the sink - and then you frown. You don’t remember when you got dressed, or when you put those gloves on, and what you ate last night. The thought passes quickly before you shake your head and continue scrubbing at an already spotless plate.

 You dry off the last of the plates, placing it neatly onto a metal rack before grabbing a broom and sweeping the floor - you’d narrowly avoided choosing carpet as your flooring when you were renovating, before John had swooped in and saved the day by picking out some classic floorboards.

 The dust and lint gathers into a pile in the corner, and you lean on your broom, admiring your home.

 You were lucky to have bought such a nice house. It wasn’t too big, but had enough space for you to be able to decorate and plan for the future. Very lucky indeed...

 There’s a “photo wall” near the kitchen that you like to look at. It’s sparse, but there are a lot of mementos there to remind you of the important things. Among the usual decorative pictures of forests and gardens there are pictures of you and John - pictures of the two of you at your wedding, posing and laughing and drinking with friends. Wasn’t your dress frilly that day? Or was it loose? Wasn’t your hair in a bun? John didn’t wear a bowtie, you think...

 You squint at the photos. Your gaze is drawn to one of the wedding pictures, one from the reception where you’re standing with all your bridesmaids. You’re drinking and laughing, holding a champagne flute in your hand, but you can’t make out the bridesmaids faces. They’re fuzzy, and where are their mouths? Their eyes? The photo blurs like the photographer taking it had moved his hand while trying to take the shot.

 Your grip on your broom tightens. It feels like years and years ago, and the details escape you now.

 You shouldn’t focus on those things. You’re happy here, with John - but maybe you should go find your bridesmaids, it’s been so long since you’ve last seen them. What were their names again? You’re sure Jenny was one... but you don’t know a “Jenny”.

 You can feel your nails digging into the broom’s wooden handle now, threatening to leave crescent-shaped marks into its surface. The details escape you, now.

 And the details don’t matter.

 You sweep quickly, the pile of lint and dust and pieces of wood growing steadily bigger. Soon enough the house will be spotless again, and John will come back from work and you’ll kiss him until you have to clean the house again.

 That’s my life, whispers the voice in the back of your head, and you believe it. I am happy. I am content.

 “I am happy,” you mutter as you place the broom down, letting in lean against the side of one of the kitchen counters. The pile of dust is gone, you swept it out of the door. You walk towards the living room, the soft surface of the sofa beckoning you to lay on it and just take a nap. Forget about all the racing thoughts in your mind. You said sleep was an escape, and you have to escape now. "I am content."

 But your feet take you somewhere else. You lead yourself down the hallways, away from the living room, and now you’re standing in front of a beautifully painted blue door.

 You don’t recognize the door, but it’s familiar. Your brain helpfully supplies it as the laundry room, which is always clean and doesn’t need cleaning ever, but you’re drawn to how faded it is. You lift your hand and drag your fingers across its surfaces. You feel old paint and memories behind this door, and you don’t have to open it.

 Your fingers inch closer and closer to the doorknob and you don’t need to open it -

 The door swings open slowly with a soft creak. It’s pitch-black in there. You feel a soft breeze against your face - you take a small step inside, clinging to the doorway, squinting through the darkness. The darkness almost feels solid, like a barrier, keeping you out.

 Or, you think as you spot a flickering flashlight on the floor, it’s keeping something in.

 You pick up the flashlight, tapping it a few times until its flickering stops. Your fingers curl around its sleek metal handle. You wave it around, watching it cut through the darkness to reveal -

 The flashlight clatters to the ground. Writing. Words, scrawled all over the walls in your handwriting, frenzied rambling trailing from the walls to the ceiling. Don’t forget, try not to forget. Among the crazed writing are drawings, messy sketches of you and John together in places you don’t recognize. Arrows pointing to John labeled “Doctor, Doctor”.

 “No, no, no...” You feel weak, you feel wrong. This can’t be real. It’s not real. Where am I? Who am I?

 And etched into the wall right in front of you, surrounded by your name: Remember who you are.

 You blink, breathing heavily, and you’re outside. The door was never open. The door was never there. You trace your fingers against the wall, and it just feels like a wall. It’s just a wall. A wall with some really nice wallpaper, wallpaper that you picked out not long before the wedding. You agreed on flowers, because they were nice to look at - didn’t you agree on stripes?

 You keep blinking. You can still see its silhouette in the split second where your eyes haven’t fully closed yet, and when they’re not fully open.

 But there was a door. You could have sworn there was a door there, it led to the laundry room - you feel all over the wall and find the place where the doorknob should be, and you feel something solid but see nothing. What the hell is going on –

 …

 “Darling, I’m home!”

 John’s voice rings out from behind you and you suck in a breath, whipping around to see him come in through the front door. The sun’s already set. Darling. He’s never really called you darling, hasn’t he? You take in a shaky breath, and call back - “Yes, honey?”

 John lifts his arms for a hug, grinning brightly and dressed in completely different clothes from when he left. “Where’s my lovely wife?”

 My lovely wife, I was never your lovely wife, but you rush into his arms anyway. He stumbles back at the force of your embrace, slowly wrapping his arms around you and patting your hair. This is comfort you’re used to, but not in this context. And now all the things he did this morning seem so different - “Hey - what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

 “I’m-” Not sure about who I am. John’s hold loosens on you slightly, and he leans away from you to look into your eyes. “I think something’s wrong.”

 “Oh, nothing’s wrong, nothing’s ever been wrong,” John says. But everything is wrong - how is he not getting it? “But tell me.”

 “The laundry room,” you mumble, even though that place was definitely not the laundry room. John’s eyebrows furrow slightly.

 “We’ve never had a laundry room.” He looks over your shoulder at the place that’s just a wall, and frowns. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

 “But - there was a door there,” you say, wrenching yourself away from John’s arms and walking to the wall. The wallpaper flickers between flowers and stripes. You feel against the wall until you hit something solid, something round. “There’s a door here right now.”

 John squints. “I don’t see it.”

 “Look,” you stress. You grab his hand and place it on the doorknob, and when you look up the door is back, beautiful and blue and now you know what it reminds you of. “Open the door.”

 “Darling, I don’t -”

 “Stop calling me darling and open the door, Doctor!” you snap, and John pulls his hand away from the doorknob, his mouth hanging open in shock.

 “That’s not my name,” he insists. “You’re not feeling well.”

 “I’m feeling very well, thank you very much,” you grumble. Remember who you are. “Please, just open the door. For me.”

 John - but also not John - stares at you, his mouth set in a hard line. You recognize that look and you recognize him, who he really is, and he’s not your husband. After a moment, he sighs, places his hand on the doorknob, and twists it, flinging the door open.

 The room is illuminated now, all of the scratched writing clear to see - Remember, you have to remember who you are. There are so many more sketches now, and they blur and shift right in front of your eyes. You’re all in places you recognize - Starship UK, ancient Egypt, the planet of the Gargotins. You grab John’s hand and lead him to one of the sketches on the wall.

 “I remember this,” John mumbles. He presses his hands to the wall. “This was a dream I had. You and me together at the end of the world.”

 “When?” you ask.

 “L-last night,” he replies. You grab the front of his shirt and he gasps.

 “Then what did we do last night?”

 “I don’t remember.”

 The whole dream shatters when you find one, tiny, hairline crack in the illusion. There was never a “last night”. “You don’t remember or you don’t know?!”

 John opens his mouth to say something, but then he closes it, deep in thought. You can see the gears turning in his head - just like the morning, when nothing was wrong and everything was perfect and he was your husband - but they’re turning too slowly, which isn’t like who he really is. The room starts to darken, the writing that’s brought you back fading away. You’re running out of time.

 You grip his shirt tighter and shake him. “You need to remember! Who you really are - it’s got to be locked in your big brain somewhere! You’re not John Smith, you’re not my husband, you’re The Doctor!”

 “The - the Doctor…” he stammers, raising his hands to his head, his eyes widening in realization.

 “Yes, that’s you! Two thousand years old! An alien! Come on!”

 “The Doctor - I am the Doctor!” Suddenly, the Doctor grins and grabs you by the shoulders, pulling you into a tight hug. He laughs, his arms wrapped around you, squeezing you slightly before he lets go. “Oh, it feels good to be me again. Hair - good. Eyes - still got ‘em. Bowtie -” His hand shoots up to his collar. He frowns when he doesn’t feel anything there - “Could be worse.”

 “Doctor, where are we?”

 “Dunno. I can’t tell if it’s a simulation or an actual set. If it’s a simulation, then it’s not a good one.” The Doctor whirls around, examining the walls. He lifts his hand to place it in his jacket, looking for his sonic - then he groans when he realizes he was never wearing a jacket. “Empty pockets!”

 “Oh, again?”

 The entire room shakes and you stumble - the voice sounds like it’s coming from everywhere without a clear source, and it also sounds vaguely annoyed. The Doctor quickly grabs your hand and squeezes it tight in silent comfort, and now you wish he hadn’t done all of those things in the morning. You glance at his serious face and silently thank whatever gods are out there that he hasn’t mentioned any of it, at all.

 “Marlene. Marlene!”

 There’s another voice, timid and shy. “Yes, ma’am?”

 “Subjects 11A and 11B have escaped immersion. Again. For the fifth time this cycle. Did you forget to intensify their wipes?”

 “No, ma’am. Sorry, ma’am.”

 “They’re awake now, so they’re no use to us. Reset them and -”

 “WAIT!” Your plea comes out louder than expected. The Doctor glances at you, and when you meet his gaze, confusion and concern swim in his eyes. “At least tell us what’s going on!”

 “Sorry, 11B, but that’s classified information. You should know, you’ve asked me this before.”

 “Well, it would do us a world of good if we knew!” the Doctor says loudly. “Who are you?”

 “I’ll say it again. Classified information.” There’s a spitting sound, and then another laugh. “I don’t have time for this.”

 “Well then make time!” you shout, and the Doctor pulls you closer to him.

 “Oh, 11A, or should I say the Doctor. Not so ‘Oncoming Storm’ now, are you? Do you want me to tell you what happens to your poor little companion if you keep going like this? Or do you want a demonstration?”

 “What it’s talking about?” You look up at the Doctor. His eyes are trained on the ceiling, and they’re burning with anger.

 “I don’t know. Keep quiet,” he mutters. Then, raising his voice again, “We’ll keep trying! We’ll keep trying to get out!”

 You hear a deep chuckle. “Then good luck. Reset them.”

 A wave of exhaustion passes over you, and through your haze you reach out for the Doctor - you still have to keep him safe -

 You’re out before you even hit the floor, the Doctor’s hand still wrapped in yours.

[geekydane]

Talk to me - Tommy Shelby x reader - chapter 11

Masterlist

------------------------------------------ 

You hated hospitals. The smell of antiseptic and the sterile white and cream colours everywhere only made you newly regained memory so much more unbearable. The fact that you were here for Tommy was the only reason you hadn’t run away. It was all so surreal. You had actually killed those men who shot him and you tried to figure out how you felt about it, but at that moment you still felt nothing. You didn’t feel bad or feel sorry for them. It was exactly the same you had done to those men that had held you captured years back.

It was like your brain had been reset and everyone had told you that you were an innocent little girl who was kidnapped and raped until you were ruined. You were told how the police found you and brought you to safety but you remember now how you clawed your way through the men when you snapped. Used their own weapons against them. There was only so many times a woman could let herself be violated before she took care of those who did it. You remember how you saw red and everything just happened in a blur. Exactly like when those men shot Tommy. How many men were in that room back then? How many lives did you take? And why didn’t you feel anything towards them? Who were you?

The Langstons must have known who you were and what you did. That might have been why they seemed kind of afraid of you and didn’t really try to connect with you in any way. But did they tell Polly when she took you in? Mrs. Langston spoke with her. Of course she knew. You thought back to the first time you met Polly and what she said to Tommy when he found out you were hired.

I’m sure Y/n will be very useful for us in the future.

“Miss, we’ll need you to leave. You are not on any of the lists of family members.” A nurse waved a clipping board in front of you and succeeded in getting you out of your head. You looked up at her. She looked around your age and she did look a little nervous as John and Arthur looked at her from the other side of the room. None of them had said anything to you since you got to the hospital. They staff had tried to kick you out since you came. It wasn’t like it was visiting hour at that point. John and Arthur weren’t supposed to be there either. But you guessed that the staff was more afraid of them because they checked in as the Shelbys or it was because they were actually family and you were not. You just couldn’t imagine being anywhere else when Tommy was at the hospital. You did your best to ignore the nurse and stayed in your seat.

“Miss. You need to leave, you…” You stood up in a beat and the poor nurse flinched. Couldn’t she just let you stay? Maybe your name wasn’t Shelby, but you came along with the brothers after all. John and Arthur didn’t say anything to the nurse to help you though. Did they want her to kick you out? Did they dislike you after what you did? You couldn’t possible think they were god’s best children themselves, so why would they care if you beat those guys? You were sure they had done the same a lot of times before.

You started pacing back and forward as the two brothers looked at you and the nurse looked around, maybe to see if anyone could help her get you out. In the next moment a doctor, you recognised from when you got to the hospital and Tommy was carried away, walked towards you and finally John and Arthur reacted to something.

“He is stabilized. Family may see him, but he’s very sleeping. He’s doing his to stay awake though. He’s very stubborn.” The doctor chuckled but he stopped as soon he looked at the brothers. They both stared him down with a sour face and it was like he visibly shrank half a meter. You looked after them as they followed the doctor to Tommy’s room and you were left alone in the waiting room.

It didn’t take more than 10 minutes before the doctor walked back into the waiting room. You were wondering why Arthur and John wasn’t with him so you stood up. He approached you and you saw how his glasses were crocked on his face and his coat was very wrinkled around the collar.

“M-miss? Mr. Shelby wants to see you.” You walked up to him as fast as possible and you were sure you saw him flinch when you stopped. So, which one of the ‘Mr. Shelbys’ had threatened him? You gestured for him to lead the way and you were led down a long hallway with many rooms full of patients. Nurses walked back and forward and eyed you as you went down and stood in front of a door.

“They are in there. Good day to you.” The doctor disappeared down the hall before you got to look at him. Eagerly you opened the door and almost slammed it into the wall. The room was small with only a single bed. Some of the rooms you passed had 6 beds so Tommy got special treatment. Good. John was sat on a chair next to the bed, leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees. Arthur stood near the window and looked out on the streets. You didn’t know why but you were afraid of looking at the bed. You were suddenly afraid of what you would see and how bad he was hurt. You couldn’t remember where the bullet hit him or how long it took for you to get to the hospital. Was he near dead? Did he barely survive? Could he still go die on you? So many horrible things went through your anxious brain instead of actually looking at Tommy and see if he was alright. Luckily the sound of his voice brought you to finally look up.

“Y/n?” He mumbled your name but the sound of it dragged you towards him in the bed. He was lying in a position that looked too much like how people were laid in a coffin. He lay very still and with his hands folded on top of his stomach. As you stood next to the bed his head fell to the side in a tiring way and he opened his eyes slowly to look at you. You could feel the tears pressing on as a little smile tugged in his lips for a second before he relaxed again and closed his eyes. You were afraid of hurting him, still not remembering where he was hit, so you sat down very slowly on the edge on the bed. His brothers both stared at you as you put your hand on top of his folded ones. He quickly took your hand and caressed it with his thumb.

“I’m all right. Nothing I haven’t tried before.” Tommy said quietly. There was a long pause afterwards where the two of you only existed in your own little bubble. You sniffled when the tears started to fall and Tommy opened his eyes again.

“Y/n. You said my name. You shouted my name.” He lifted his hand from yours and reached out for your face. You leaned in so that he could caress your cheek. It was so uncharacteristic of him to show this kind of affection when anyone was nearby. You looked at Arthur out of the corner of your eye and he was staring at you.

“Can you please… say my name again?” Tommy whispered. You took a unsteady breath as you tried to wrap your head around actually speaking again. You couldn’t. You didn’t know how you did it back then. Maybe it was the panic that made your brain forget all the voices that have kept you quiet for so long. You wanted to switch them off for Tommy again but you just couldn’t. The fact that you couldn’t do that one little thing he asked of you when he was in a hospital bed made you feel so useless. They would all be better off without you. You weren’t useful for anyone.

“Please.” He whispered and you pulled away from his touch. You couldn’t let him touch you now that you couldn’t give him everything he deserved. You didn’t deserve him. You shook your head and almost started bowling which suddenly made Tommy hyper aware. He defied his pain to actually pull himself up in a half sitting position, leaning against the wall. His quilt fell down and reviled his ribcage covered in bandages. John quickly jumped from the chair as you backed away.

“Tommy. Take it easy, will ya?” John said with a frown, as he adjusted Tommy’s pillow behind him.

“Will you please leave?” Tommy said a little louder than he did before. His voice was raspy but still strong considering what he has been through. John looked almost insulted but he didn’t get so say anything before Tommy scowled at him.

“Get out. You too Arthur!” He growled and the two brothers took their time to get to the door but eventually they left. Not without giving you a side glare first though. It felt like an eternity side you were alone with Tommy. It was actually only the morning before that you woke up in Tommy’s arms.

Tommy didn’t say anything but gave you time to calm down again. Even though the sight of him with bandages and heavy bags under his eyes wasn’t something that you were used to, it was always very calming being around him. You slowly stopped the tears from falling and when the only disturbance in your breath was small hiccups, Tommy reached out a hand for you. An invitation. You walked to him and let him pull you closer to him. You ended up sitting next to him in the bed. You made sure not to touch the bandages as he let you rest your head on his shoulder. A strong arm around your waist.

“It’s hard to see you struggling, but you have no idea how much it meant to me, that you called out my name. The sound of your voice surprised me so much that for a minute I forgot that it hurts to be shot.” He made a struggled sound that might have been a laugher if it didn’t hurt him to laugh.

“I was hoping that you would be able to speak now. That you finally prevailed whatever you are fighting with. I guess it’s not that simple.” He squeezed you a little closer and kissed your forehead. He was so gentle it was hard to imagine that he was a raging mad mafia boss with war trauma.

“It doesn’t matter. Now we know that you can do it. We’ll work through it. Together. If we just move forward slowly. If you will just take small steps. Small steps. Will you do that? For me?” His voice lowered to almost a whisper in the end but you we touched by every word. You didn’t know how aware Tommy was about your struggles. How you felt dealing with them. It made your heart swell ten times for the man and also made you determent and nod to his question. You would do it for him if not for yourself. That was also why you bend your neck so your lips almost touched his ear.

“Yes Tommy.” You said very silently, but not yet a whisper. You wanted him to her your voice because he deserved it and he begged for it. He stiffened for a moment as the realization hit him. He turned to you with gleaming eyes and looked from your eyes to your lips. Before you started to overthink anything you gave him the acceptance and leaned in. He met you halfway and first gave you a soft peck on your lips. But when he knew that it was okay he finally deepened the kiss and gave you the fullest he was able to in his state. He drew you closer so that you were almost pulled half on top of him. His free hand grabbing your leg and caressed the skin exposed from the dress creeping up over your knees.

“Mr. Shelby, you need to…” The moment was ruined in an instant as a young nurse appeared in the doorway. She stopped when she saw the two of you. You pulled away quickly, which only made your leg that was half draped over Tommy, touch the side of his ribs that was bandaged. He hissed in pain and the nurse jump to him but Tommy was furious.

“GET OUT! GET OUT!” He shouted at her. The nurse stuttered and almost fell over her own feet as she turned and ran out the door, slamming it after her. Tommy huffed angrily and you stood facing the window, too embarrassed to look at him again. Someone caught you being all over him. What didn’t that make you look like? He got shot and was fighting for his life. He was still in pain and here you were in his bed, half on top of him and hurt him in the doing.

“Y/n. Come here.” He was still huffing in pain but you turned to him, still looking at the floor and the arms crossed.

“It’s not your fault someone shot me and it hurt like hell. I want to enjoy your company a bit longer before I have to rest. Please come here.” He was holding out his hand to you and you accepted it even though you still felt a little embarrassed. He pulled you in and you sat down again next to him. You made sure that you didn’t end in the same position again by sitting up a bit straighter, so that Tommy’s couldn’t reach up. He sighed and rested his head on your cheat. You ran your hair thought his very untamed hair like it was a reflex.

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You weren’t much for leaving Tommy there but Arthur stayed behind with him while you drove home to Birmingham with John. It was weird as the sun was beginning to rise and it was kind of dark. You didn’t know what to feel about being alone in the dark with John. He wasn’t a danger, you knew that, but he wasn’t tommy either. He didn’t say much for a long while. He kept his eyes on the road and he kept a toothpick in his mouth that he moved from side to side once in a while.

“I heard you shout.” He suddenly said out of the blue. You turned to look at him but he still just kept his eyes on the road. What did he except from you then? That you randomly started to chat like you never stopped? The uncertainty made you uncomfortable so you just stared out on the road.

“I get it, you know. The adrenaline. It can make someone do things they never think they would ever do. We’ve all done that. Even though I don’t understand you completely, I think you are good for Tommy. He seems very happy.” You hadn’t seen John as the sentimental type, but you guess he had a side to him. He did have both a wife and children of course. Tommy had told you, in one of many conversations in the bedroom, that John’s first wife died while they were in France and Esme was his second wife. He even tried to marry Lizzie but Tommy didn’t want that for some reason. John must know about love and how it felt. Maybe he saw something in the two of you. It made you hopeful and you smiled to yourself. John finally squinted at you and you saw how he started to smile too.

“You all right, ey. Just don’t forget who we are. What happened to Tommy tonight will be attempted many times over. But after what I saw you do, I think you are able to handle it. But always be aware.”

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It felt strange when you got home to the Shelby residence and Polly was there to greet you. She walked right pass John and engulfed you in a hug that you were not prepared for. You stiffened completely and counted until she loosened her grip on you and gentle grabbed your face.

“I’m so sorry that you were dragged into all this shit again.” She said and glared in John’s direction.

“Tommy was the one they shot at.” John grunted as he lit a cigarette.

“Oh Tommy is already full of holes. I’m not far from imagining Whiskey will escape his body through bullet holes soon enough.” Polly sighed and took a look down your body.

“You need to take a long and relaxing bath, my dear. You just stay in Tommy’s room for now. I’m sure he will appreciate that you are here when he comes home.” He pushed you gently towards the stairs and you started walking up slowly and slightly confused about the very motherly greeting you just experienced. Polly left to the join John in the other room and you stopped on the stairs as you heard her talk to him in a very low voice.

“Did she really do it? She doesn’t seem very agitated.”

“I pulled her away from the poor bastards. If I hadn’t stopped her, she would have pulled them to pieces. Limb for limb.” John laughed and Polly shushed him.

“I know her story but I’m just having a hard time imagining her going berserk like that. But I guess if she’s pushed too far...” You didn’t want to here anymore about their thoughts of you so you walked the rest of the way up the stairs as quietly as possible. You didn’t need to start doubting yourself any more than you already did. You went into Tommy’s room and it was strange to be there alone. You say on his bed for a while just sitting, not knowing what to do with yourself. Then you remembered that Polly had told you to take a bath. You went into Tommy’s wash room. The smell of his cologne hang heavy in the air. You went to the tub and started filling it with water. The water was not very warm but it was the middle of the night so it must have been a long time since someone put coal in the boiler. Touching the water to feel the temperature you finally took a look down at yourself. Your sleeves on the beautiful long dress were stained crimson. Slashes of red covered the skirt and you immediately started shaking. You always thought about how you looked and presented yourself. How could you have gone around for so long smeared in blood? What did people not think of you? But then you remembered that you actually killed someone… again. The unsettling feeling or horror and realization finally hit you and you felt numb as you pulled off the dress and let yourself sink into the water. You stayed there until the water was icy cold.

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You didn’t sleep at all. You had tried to settle down in Tommy’s bed but it felt wrong being there alone. You had left the water when your teeth started to clatter. When the sun started to rise you started to get up and realized that the only clothing you had at Tommy’s place was the sleepwear and the bloodied dress. You put on the night dress and felt guilty for roaming Tommy’s closet for a white button up to put on over the dress. At least you were a bit covered up. You went downstairs to see if anyone was awake. You hoped to find Polly or maybe Ada. They could maybe get some of your clothing from your apartment so you could get ready to work. You half stumbled down the stairs, realizing how exhausted you were, when Polly walked out the sitting room, already dressed.

“Oh y/n. Why are you up already?” She asked and looked a little worried. You pointed to the door that led to the office building and she frowned at you.

“You are not going to work. You should be in bed and get some rest on top of the night you have just had. I will send someone to get you some clothing. Go back to bed.” She sounded like a concerned mother but at the same time vert demanding. You didn’t want to fight and really wasn’t able to, so you turned around and went up the stairs again. You lie down and a moment later a maid came to collect your dress. You pointed at the wash room and she bowed for you before disappearing out there. You could hear how she gasped when she saw the state of your dress. You drew the duvet further over your head until she disappeared again. A little later Polly came up with some food and assured you that you should stay in bed. You really wanted to tell her that you didn’t want to be alone, but even though you had been able to say a few words, you still couldn’t make yourself speak to Polly. Maybe not yet.

You didn’t know how many hours you had been either laying around in the bed or walking around studying every single thing in Tommy’s room. His war photo was framed and was on the table next to the sofa along with his multi coloured liquor bottle. He was very handsome in his uniform but there was a certain stiffness in his posture that he didn’t have anymore. It was like he was much more carefree in the time you have known him. Or maybe not carefree, but… free. You took the frame and dusted it off with your fingertips and took it with you to the bed. You didn’t know why you liked it so much. It didn’t look like your Tommy but you wouldn’t mind seeing your Tommy in a uniform.

“Having fun without me?” The ruff voice came from the doorway and in came Tommy limping with a crutch under one arm and Arthur under the other. They shuffled around so much that you could understand how you hadn’t heard them get up the stairs. Maybe it was the comfort of Tommy’s room that made you feel so secure that you wasn’t hyper aware of every little sound. You hadn’t thought about that before then. You hurriedly stood up and walked towards him. Them. Arthur was there too. You let Arthur place Tommy down on the bed and Tommy hissed in pain as he hit the soft mattress. You took the crutch and placed it next to the bed.

“Take care of him.” Arthur said and inhaled sharply. He was looking the other way like he was trying to hide his face that showed whatever feeling that was behind those words. You nodded but he didn’t look your way before he was out of the door. You turned all of your attention to Tommy that was trying to lift his legs up onto the bed but the pain was clear on his face.

“Let me help you.” You said without thinking and Tommy stopped all movement and he widened his eyes.

“I can’t get use to you speaking to me.” He mumbled and even thought you knew it wasn’t meant to be negative, you couldn’t stop your body from reacting. You breathed in sharply and Tommy noticed.

“That came out wrong. I love hearing your voice. It works better than any medicine they gave me in that shitty hospital. The shortage of medication so many years after the war is still ghastly.” You helped Tommy get his legs up on the bed so that he could lie down. You were very careful and went slower every time the frown on his face deepened. You put a pillow behind his back as he leaned against the headboard. You went to the other side of the bed as Tommy picked up the framed picture of him.

“Were you that lonely?” He said with a hint of a laugher and you blushed. You weren’t embarrassed that you had taken the photography but what he might be suggestion you had done with it made it…

“I’m kidding. Come here.” He made a strained sound as he reached over and placed the framed photo one the nightstand. You shuffled close to him on the bed and let him drag you into his side. You made sure not to touch the area around the bullet wound and put your hand in his chest instead. He apparently took it as an invitation and went for a kiss. It surprised you with the suddenness and you instinctively moved away from him. He frowned by your actions and you regretted it immediately.

“I’m sorry I just thought that maybe now…” He trailed off. He started to remove his arm from around you but you grabbed him before he could move away further. You snuggled your head into his chest and tried to hold onto him without actually hurting him.

“No I’m sorry. It’s a habit.” You mumbled into his shirt. He hummed at that and you could feel the vibration in his chest.

“Keep that habit, because men are pigs. But I can be the exception.” You let Tommy lift up your head and he attached his lips to your again. This time you just let it happened and melted into him like you had done that for years. It felt strangely normal and okay even though you couldn’t remember the last time you had been intimate in any way with anyone. A feeling of belonging came over you as Tommy deepened the kiss as much as he could in the awkward angle you were kept in, because of his bullet wound. The bullet wound…

“Tommy?” You pulled away from him and the sight of him licking his upper lip almost made your brain go numb for a second and you forgot your question. Tommy noticed how intensely you were watching him and he chuckled. It made you snap back and you looked down at your hands that Tommy had intertwined slowly doing the kiss. You collected your thoughts and tried to figure out the longest sentence you had said in many years. The anxiety was still lingering over you, even though you felt comfortable with Tommy.

“How are we going to get back at Mick King?” Tommy stiffened a little but he just huffed and relaxed again.

“Don’t you worry about that. That is my job to figure out.”

“Did Arthur tell you what I did?” You asked quietly.

“…Yeah he did.” Tommy said with no hint of disgust but not any hint of any other emotion. He was hard to read sometimes.

“I remember stuff from back then now.” The both of you became quiet for a long moment. Tommy squeezed your sides a little in a comforting manner.

“The day I got here… I overheard Polly call me useful. Was that because of what happened… back then?” Tommy’s thumb was rubbing calming circles on the back of your hand but he remained silent.

“Tommy… Tell me.”

“Yes... Yes, Mrs. Langston told us your story and that was why Polly wanted to take you in. But you didn’t show that side of you. Not before…”

“They hurt you Tommy.” You explain yourself, interrupting Tommy that huffed.

“It was very dangerous what you did and even though you have proved you can take care of yourself I don’t want you to bring yourself in that kind of danger again, okay? That’s an order.” Now it was your time to huff.

“Let’s leave it here. I’m tired and you shouldn’t think about revenge.” Tommy said and before you knew it you were kissing again. This time you were more prepared and let him take the control. You really didn’t want to hurt him, but you trusted him to stop when it hurts. He pulled you on top of his lap and you could feel your own body react to his hands that slowly ran up and down your sides. You held onto the back of his neck to pull yourself closer to him and bit down his button lip. He growled like an animal and his breath became heavier.

“I’m gonna hurt myself if we don’t take it slow.” He acknowledged and you nodded. And in that moment when your forehead touched Tommy’s, you knew you were not only going to fight for that man, you were going to fight beside him, even if he wanted it or not. You were going to get your revenge and just the taste of the word was sweet to you. You just hoped that you could actually control your inner demon and never hurt anyone of those you loved.

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