#i was gonna make some kind of crack about those being the superior versions of Teeth

[kindahoping4forever]

Live from The Vault 🤝 Live From Royal Albert

[sucrealacreme]

Supe Busters - Soldier Boy x female reader

Chapter one

Summary : Vought has many secrets, project W is one of them. What happens when said project turns against them? 

You dealt with supes on the daily. I mean, it was truly your only job. Vought called you a villain, a criminal, Atomeris they called you. A supe who has been brainwashed all of her childhood by both her parents and an anti-supe cult. 

They made up fake stories about you. Built a whole new you. You weren’t the kind nurse anymore, no, you were this evil witch who should be burned at the stake according to them.

 Each time they called you evil, criminal, an animal, you wanted to cry. You just wanted to help people by bringing justice to those who felt superior to the law. Those who could hurt people without consequences.

Your very first supe was Icy BABY. An ice controlling woman who caused multiple deaths by making huge and shampooing spickes of ice everywhere. Vought said it was to stop a robber, or a murderer, you couldn’t remember what they came up with. 

But you knew why she truly did that. She just thought it was fun. Simple as that. The cunt thought it was funny to see inferior beings die so easily. So you did what you had to. 

During one night, you and your team of other fucked up supes tracked her down and beat her up down before you did what you do best.

Months ago, you got your hands on compound V. You studied it days and nights to be able to control it. The blue liquid was a weirdo really. It had so many different molecules it took you almost two months to finally crack it's nature. And with it's formula now printed in your brain, you could now separate it from blood. So to put it simply; you could unsupe supes.

And that's exactly what you did to the Elsa wannabe. It was truly a sight for sore eyes to see her try to attack us with her now weak force and speed. 

That night wasn’t just to serve justice. No. It was to prove a point, to warn Vought that from now on, their toys weren’t as invicible as they once were.

“Fucking cunt I can tell ya” said the black haired man to Hughie. “Yeah well Soldier Boy did scared the living shit out of him. Can't blame him for running away right?” Butcher looked at him like he grew a second head. The other man started to feel anxious under his hard stare and could feel himself starting to sweat.”The only thing I did was telling him what I would do to him if he wouldn't give us their damn locations” “Oi for fuck's sake. You threatened him to punch a hole where his dick was and to use it like a fleshlight”

“And I meant it” said the tall, green-eyed man before leaving the room to smoke a good ol’ joint.

“We lost our only suspect linked to this shit hole and we have yet to find any like places where those people could be hiding and the both of you are fighting for shit” Hughie was now not only anxieuse but angry at the situation. I mean, they’ve been looking for weeks for those people and the one guy who could have helped them get a connection left in the middle of the night. “He’s gonna act right from now on I can tell you that much.”

“Oh yeah? How do you fucking know Butcher?” said Hughie “It’s either that or he's going back to being the sleeping beauty

waiting for his bloody prince. I'll contain him from now on, like a god damn mommy birdy” Butcher said with his signature smirk

“Your words not mine” said Hughie, pointing at him while leaving the room.

“There was an explosion today at Times Square Ashley. It allegedly happened when two unidentified people attacked our New-York mayor out of nowhere. Many are injured and even worse, there have been fourteen deaths. Now, some say it was a terrorist attack, others some sort of uprising super abled villains. What do you have to say to those people?”

“Well Cameron, we are scared to announce it was in fact some sort of twisted version of supes who caused  those deaths and injuries. Now, if supes were included as part of the US military, those tragic events wouldn’t have been. You see, the American government made an atrocious decision three years ago. He decided that supes were just entertainment, and not valuable defense assets. So now we are facing situations like this. Where criminals think they can do whatever they want and not risking anything because well, no ones gonna stop them they’re super abled!”

“That’s tragic Ashley. Now, what can us patriots do to change this situation?”

“Thank you for asking Cameron. Well, you can join the “Supes are our best defence” protest this friday at 2 pm in front of the White House. For our watchers outside of Washington, Vought is ready to give away plane tickets at a low rate price for those who wanna join. We thank you for your support.”

“Thank you Ashley for this strong speech.”

“Alright who did this.” Said Florence, a woman part of your team who could control airwaves like light and sound and all of that.

“I don't think it was any of us Flo, why would we attack the mayor? It's against our own values” Orleta, fastes woman in the world, said with an anxious laugh.

“Oh you think it's all a fucking joke now uh don't ya Orleta? You know, you might be physically fast but mentally you're fucking sl-”

“Alright, alright let's all calm down,  I'm sure if someone here did this they had a reason. Now, whoever did this please come forward and explain to us the reasons behind such violent actions” said the group leader, Evangeline. Evangeline was kinda like homelander, minus the maniac part. She wasn't as strong nor as fast as him but she could still fly, laser people and all that. A magnificent woman. She was like a patient leader to all of you. Evangeline used to be a preschool teacher before this whole mess. None of you really know much about her except that. Magnificient, but mysterious.

“As anyone thought that maybe it’s Vought who’s trying to make us look bad once again? I mean they do it all the time and we did in fact get a rise in popularity with the whole Silver man mess…” you said, unsure of your theory. You weren’t sure of it but it would make more sense then one of you to kill innocents. Something you straight up fight agaisnt.

“Yeah I agree now that would be way more plausible then one of us doing it. I mean we kill supes, not civilians” that was Florence. She was your best friend. Together, the both of you could take down 5 supes at the same time. You were one of the deadly duos in the team.

“Yeah exactly, that’s their job not ours,” said Oletra now relieved that everyone calmed down.

“Alright then. It’s settled. It was once again Vought. Like usually.” Evangeline then left the room her heels clicking on her way out.

“We found something,” said Annie entering the living room of her appartment with Hughie.

“Oh thank God cause we lost the guy”

“What guy?”

“You know the with like metal powers and all?” Said Hughie with a nervous smile

“You lost the fucking silver man?” she said, in disbelief that under three hours The Boys could lose such a valuable asset.

“Yeah but you know now we have a new track, yayyyy” the man tried to loosen the tension

“Yeah ok anyway. We think the team, oh what's their name again”

“Illusion?”

“Yeah them, me and Kimiko found one of their guys entering some weird facility. When we entered there was only a locked door. We didn't try to force it open or anything we were only two. They're probably like thousands there.”

“Oh that’s good, that's really good Annie. Butcher's gonna want to Kiss you” said Hughie while laughing and kissing his girlfriend. They finally found something and this time it couldn’t escape.

A/N : So that was it for part 1, hope yall liked it 😊

A/N 2 : So this is the second version. If you saw something else, it's normal I changed à few things 😊

@demodemo909

@weaponxgames

[missmaywemeetagain]

Dear Miss Madisyn,

What makes Elementary superior to the Cumberbatch Sherlock for you?

a fellow television enthusiast...

norah

PS X-Files was my first grown up appointment TV show....

My Darlin' Dearest Norah,

I want to preface this by saying I do like BBC Sherlock because I know there are some pretty intense camps out there on both sides and I don't want anyone coming for me lol. I definitely think there is room for both in the canon. I will also say it has been quite a while since I watched the BBC version, so make of that what you will...

However, I prefer Elementary for a few reasons:

One, while I think the highly stylistic "movie" sort of quality to the BBC version is interesting, it gives Sherlock this sort of superhero-esque quality that makes him so "other" it's hard to relate to him in any way. Like I think he's cool in an objective way, but I don't really like him much or find him very redeemable. And the attitude around him is kind of like, "Well, that's just Sherlock! He's just a brilliant asshole!" and it just...stays that way.

(Now don't get me wrong, I love all the actors in both versions for a multitude of different reasons! But the writing lends itself to highly different interpretations from an actor's perspective.)

I prefer the realism of Elementary more. I absolutely love the characterization of both Sherlock and Joan. They feel like dynamic, flawed but redeemable characters who are fleshed out in most every way. They learn and grow and change in crucial ways throughout the series. Sherlock's behavior and neurodivergency are explained but not used as cop-outs or excuses for his not-so-nice treatment of people. He faces very real consequences in his relationships because of it and because of his drug addiction, but the key difference is that he figures out he wants to do better, especially for the people he comes to care deeply for. He tries, in his weird Sherlock way, to connect, because he starts to realize that yes, he is brilliant, but his actions affect others, and that being totally alone is not all it's cracked up to be. And Joan is very much her own person who struggles with her own issues and relationships with people and with the direction she wants her life to go. She (unwillingly at first) learns these new things about how to look at the world and how to help people in a different way, and she doesn't take a backseat to Sherlock. After the first season, she becomes a true partner to him, not a sidekick, and I really appreciate that.

Part of it is there is just more time over 7 traditional seasons to explore character arc, versus the wonky "we put seasons out whenever it works for us" way of BBC. The nuances are much more developed over time in a more natural way for Elementary.

Not to mention that the gender-bending in Elementary is just *chef's kiss*. They did it so well, you'd hardly know it was any other way!

Back to character, I just think Johnny Lee Miller knocked that role completely out of the park. He was absolutely stunning in playing those subtle changes and emotional moments and showing Sherlock's growth over time. He was multi-dimensional and it made his growth heartbreaking and lovely. He should've won a million Emmy's for that performance. And honestly, as much as I like Benedict (and I do), I truly think Johnny is the better actor overall (side note--if you ever get a chance, watch both versions of the Frankenstein production that they did together for the National Theatre in London, where they switch roles, both playing the monster and Dr. F for different performances. It's brilliant! But I do think Johnny is much better as the monster. 😊) And Lucy Liu is just a badass and I love her, too, and the chemistry between them is just awesome. They play those comic moments so well, too.

And I'm not gonna lie, I'm 100% a Sherlock x Joan shipper, and the writing in Elementary was fantastic in this way, because it left it open enough for the audience to decide for themselves what kind of love we were dealing with there. But the shippy moments were soooo good, imo. You named a bee after me? We're just two people who love each other... Come ON. Beautiful. Fabulous. Fantastic. And the ending? I wept.

I also think Elementary dealt with the addiction piece much much much better. The realism of going to AA, dealing with the fallout of relationships, relapses, the ongoing challenge of always being an addict was just so much more poignant without being a crutch. Similar thoughts about how the neurodivergency and PTSD were handled.

Anyway, I could probably go on, but this is long enough already! TL;DR: I just think Elementary is better in all the ways: writing, acting, arcs, relationships...LOL

Thanks for the ask, my dearest!!

[idontblushsrry]

Sesshomaru|| SFW Alphabet

A/N: Heheh he seggsy ft. a gender neutral reader

Word Count: 2140

A: Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Sesshomaru shows affection by cutting off the heads of those that would dare threaten you and overall ensuring your safety. He also lets you lay on him, whether in human form or demon form, the fact that he lets you lay on him, let alone be near him when he’s so vulnerable speaks volumes of your bond.

B: Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Sesshomaru doesn’t really do best friends, if he’s interested in you, he’ll make it known when he feels is most appropriate but otherwise you’re likely in his mind at least a subordinate or acquaintance at most.

C: Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

As stated before, Sesshomaru is a secret cuddler, even more surprising is the fact that he’s good at it. Sesshomaru’s cuddles are warm and fluffy and his arm wrapped tight around your waist makes you feel safe and secure. When he’s cuddling you, he’ll also bury his head into the junction between your neck and shoulder, to him this is where your scent is strongest and he loves to be reminded of it as the rest of your scent slowly blends into his.

D: Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Settling down for Sesshomaru is kind of a weird term, it takes a lot of explaining and even then he’s still confused. When you ask him about it though, he informs you that you’re more than welcome to stay at his castle, but part of his duty is patrolling his land. He can’t settle down but he swears to you that you’ll never want for anything so long as you allow him to stand by your side.

E: Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

To be honest, Sesshomaru would probably just drop you off at the nearest human settlement/demon settlement (if it’s a really bad breakup he’ll just leave you to fend for yourself). If Rin is particularly attached to you, he may feel bad internally but in his mind, she’ll have to understand that the two of you just weren’t meant to last.

F: Fiance(e) (How would they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Sesshomaru is kind of already engaged to you once you accept his courting offer. While he won’t be pushy about it, he does want to marry you as soon as possible. The moment you agree to marry him is the happiest day of his long life, and the whole affair is a week long festivity followed by a month long honeymoon.

G: Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Sesshomaru is by no means gentle. Maybe if pushed to the brink of desperation to where your life was in danger, he’d crack just a little bit, the aftermath of which he’d make some excuse to always be holding or carrying you. Overall though, he’s not really gentle but he doesn’t need to be, he more than makes up for it because he treats you like you’re a gift from the heavens and a grace to all living things.

H: Hugs( Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He doesn’t initiate hugs, ever. He lets Rin hug him and you but that’s about it. If anyone else tried to hug him, he’d cut their arms off and if anyone aside from Jaken or Ah-Un saw him receiving a hug they’d better start running.

I: I love you (How fast do they say the L-word)

Like with settling down, it takes some convincing and a lot of explanation on your part for him to understand how three words convey to you the depth of his devotion. The way he says ‘i love you’ isn’t through words (although he eventually does say so to make you happy) it’s through the way his gaze melts just a little bit when he sees you, it’s in the smile he gives no one but you, it’s in the way he’s willing to give up everything, just for you.

J: Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous)

When Sesshomaru gets jealous, it’s actually kind of serious. He doesn’t get jealous as he has no need to but seeing how Mukotsu stole you away from him and hearing how one of the thunder brothers tried to marry you made his blood boil with rage. If he hadn’t already disposed of Mukotsu he’d have made him die a slow death by Sesshomaru’s poison. Also, the fact that Inuyasha killed the thunder brothers is one of the few things he doesn’t begrudge his brother for.

K: Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Sesshomaru’s kisses are rough and demanding, even when he’s trying to be soft with you. Something in his nature that wants to assert dominance even in the tamest expressions of love. It’s not like you mind though, his kisses always leave you breathless and wanting more.

L: Little ones (How are they around children)

As evidenced by Rin (and kind of Kohaku), Sesshomaru is really good with kids. He’s just firm and uncaring enough to keep kids in line while still letting them play and explore. And deep, deep, deep down, he enjoys kids because of the almost naive outlook they have on the world, but he’d never admit that.

M: Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings with Sesshomaru are really nice and pleasant...until you have to pee. At which point it becomes an almost wrestling contest against a clingy cuddly demon who still wants to be pressed against his mate until time forces you both to wake up. It doesn’t help either that you’re likely sore from the night before.

N: Night (How are nights spent with them?)

The SFW version of a night with Sesshomaru usually consists of you telling Rin (and a bitter Jaken) stories around the fire. Rin will probably help you put your hair up before you go to sleep and when the little ball of energy finally collapses, you tuck her in and kiss her forehead. Sesshomaru in the meanwhile, would watch all of this from a distance, his superior senses negating any need to be close anyways; plus he prefers to watch over all of you from afar before sneaking under the covers next to you while you’re asleep.

O: Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Sesshomaru doesn’t necessarily mean to shut you out he just reveals information on a need to know basis. In addition to that, most of his thoughts are carefully revealed through small subconscious reactions or expressions that take you a while to even pick up on, much less interpret. Eventually though, he does become open with you, you become the only person in the world that he trusts with the full breadth of his secrets and vulnerability.

P: Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He’s a 50/50 split. He can be patient when he wants to, but sometimes people are moving too slow for his liking and he starts to feel his hand twitch with the urge to use his claws. To get him angry to the point of it being visible on his face or even to the point that he shifts into his demon form is something few (namely Inuyasha and Kagome) are capable of. With you though, he does get a little impatient, especially at the beginning when you didn’t understand his grunting, but never fully enraged to the point of transforming.

Q: Quizzes (How much would they remember about you?  Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Sesshomaru remembers things about you like your scent, what makes you happy, what makes you mad, etc., all very basic information for him. He doesn’t really bother to remember things like anniversaries or birthdays just for the simple fact that his concept of time is completely different to yours. He doesn’t see the point in celebrating anniversaries (he manages by noticing the changes in your scent when yalls anniversary is approaching) and he finds it amusing that you celebrate his birthday, he hates celebrating yours though because it just reminds him that you’re human and each year is closer and closer to an eternity he’ll have to inevitably spend without you.

R: Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Sesshomaru’s  favorite moment in your relationship was when Rin accidently likened you to a parental figure one day. You managed to keep it together, but the moment she got distracted you turned to him and just sobbed into the fluff of his tail. The memory still makes him laugh but you swore him to secrecy, and he fears ever so slightly what you’d do if he broke that vow.

S: Security (How protective are they? How would they like to be protected?)

Sesshomaru does all the physical protection in your relationship. He can sense danger better even when far away and has skills and senses that you really can’t compare to. Although, Sesshomaru never sees you as inferior to him, as long as you rub his head and shoo away Kagome whenever she tries to be too sisterly with him, he’s all good.

T: Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

As mentioned earlier, Sesshomaru, while he doesn’t care for anniversaries, definitely makes a big event out of showing his love to you. Although the two of you aren’t dating, you’re courting (or married), he still manages to make you feel like the most beautiful person on Earth when he takes you out. If your date isn’t a private personal affair, he’s making a big show of it. Everyone in the land will know that you are his and that you are incredible in every way (basically multiple feasts/parties held in your honor).

U: Ugly (What are some bad habits of theirs? (I’m gonna add arguments here because they aren’t on the prompt list I found))

A bad habit of Sesshomaru’s is his impatience. He can be patient, but it’s mostly a façade, one in place to maintain his cool, unbothered persona. Truth is, many things bother him and he tends to just bottle it up and let it build until it boils over. Now, he may snap at you, but it’s most likely that he’ll walk away to go hack at a tree and not speak to you for a while. This leads to his second bad habit, his aloofness. While Sesshomaru is always aloof, it’s not usually a bad thing. But if he gets into one of his moods and you push and push and push, it will cause an argument.

V: Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Sesshomaru isn’t concerned with his looks, he always looks flawless. 

W: Worry (changed bcus I don’t like how the original frames relationships)

Sesshomaru does worry about you a lot. He tries not to say anything or let it bother him but it seems like every second he’s reminded of your human fragility. One day for trip over a tree root, the next you poke your finger sewing Rin’s clothes, and just one after another until your damned birthday comes around again and he’s reminded of the fact that you’ll get old much faster than he will. Needless to say, he worries about you a lot.

X: (E)xes (Any previous relationship experience. How does that factor into your current relationship?)

He has some previous relationship experience, mostly from matches his mom set up or random hookups. You’re most likely his first and only serious relationship.

Y: Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner)

He thinks people who seek to gain power/get ahead through frivolous means to be some of the most distasteful scum of the Earth. Aside from that he doesn’t really dislike anyone, aside from humans, or half-demons, or other demons, or anyone weaker than him, or... we could be here all day, but he pretty much only likes you, Ah-Un, Rin, Kohaku, and sometimes Jaken

Z: Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Sesshomaru has never really had to sleep in a bed proper before you so he can just kinda fall asleep anywhere and be perfectly fine. His other skills include sleeping while standing and sleeping with his eyes open.

[randomhl-vraifam]

So if you haven't seen @gryphsdeadbones and his incredible Gordon Cubed AU... go check it out, please. It's literally so fucking good, and you can read the comic @gordoncubed.

I asked if I could write something for this AU, and got the go ahead, so here we are! It was inspired by this ask and this ask, just in case anyone needs context for what's happening.

Anyway, uh... yeah. Here's a thing.

If you had told Gordon Freeman that, somewhere in the universe, there existed multiple versions of himself, each from very different dimensions, he might have actually believed you. He was a theoretical physicist, after all. The unknown and hypothetical was kind of his area of expertise.

However, if you had told him that his alternates were… like this? That he might have had a hard time believing. He was absolutely blown away by how much those two could talk. They did it constantly! Freeman wasn’t sure if they knew how to not talk. He considered, more than once, finding tape in one of the abandoned offices and sealing both their mouths shut.

He thought he’d be relieved if either of them decided to shut up.

Until one of them did.

Feetman (he still didn’t know what was up with that name) had been dangerously close to dying. Not that any of them were exactly safe from dying, but Feetman had ended up being a little closer to death than Freeman wanted to think about. He found himself wishing Feetman would talk more. If only to ensure that he was still conscious.

And he found himself wishing Freemind would talk less. A lot less.

It was almost as though the man felt the need to talk through the silence Feetman wasn’t filling. And he did so. Very obnoxiously. Normally, Freeman would tell him to knock off his shit, but he had a feeling that Freemind was just as nervous as he was, and the only outlet he had was talking. Freeman let it slide.

If you asked Freemind, he’d tell you that he gave absolutely no fucks about Feetman. He didn’t give a fuck about either of these idiots, aside from the fact that they were somewhat useful in getting through this hellhole. Except one of them was now considerably less useful.

Not only was Feetman less useful, he was a hindrance. Freemind didn’t like slow progress. He liked efficiency. He liked getting shit done. Dragging Feetman’s dumb ass around was not effecient and it wasn’t getting shit done. The guy seemed like he was almost always on the verge of collapsing.

So if he suggested that Feetman sit the fuck down, it was for the sake of making sure the idiot didn’t pass out and further impede their progress. Not because it bothered him to see the guy struggling to stand up straight. Because he didn’t give a fuck.

It’d gotten better after a couple of days, but only by a narrow margin. They weren’t having to stop as often, but Freeman was still adamant that Feetman not take any shifts on night watch, which Freemind found annoying as hell. He kept that opinion to himself, though. The silent member of the trio didn’t seem willing to compromise on the matter, and Freemind wasn’t willing to try and make him.

That didn’t mean he wasn’t pissed off about it. Freeman could see Freemind getting more and more agitated. He snapped more often, and in more hurtful ways. There were only so many times Freeman could tell him to shut up, eventually Freemind got around to talking again.

Freeman didn’t mind stopping for Feetman when he needed it. More often than not, Freeman would have to put a hand on his left shoulder to stop him, to make him take a break. Every time, Feetman would say that he could keep going, even if he was on the verge of falling over. He hadn’t needed to stop during his first run, he’d insist, he didn’t need to stop now.

So when Feetman hesitantly grabbed his arm, Freeman stopped, immediately worried that his counterpart needed him for balance.

“Hey, uh…” Feetman looked at him blearily behind bent frames. Freeman was sure all of their glasses were damaged at this point. His own lenses were cracked. “Can we- I hate to ask, but…” He trailed off, seeming to lose his train of thought.

Freeman steadied Gordon with one hand, then quickly signed, “Do you need to stop?”

Feetman nodded. “Yeah, I think- should probably… yeah. Gordon, uh, hurt.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, are you serious?” Freemind groaned, clearly in one of his more irritable moods. “We’re never gonna get anywhere like this!”

Deciding to ignore Freemind, Freeman ushered their limbless counterpart to a nearby room. This wasn’t a part of Black Mesa he’d frequented, so he wasn’t exactly sure what the room was for. Peeking inside, it looked like a lab of sorts. The broken bunsen burners were a pretty good indication that this particular lab had worked with chemicals.

The room looked safe enough to hunker down for a few minutes, and he needed to check on Feetman’s arm. Probably wouldn’t hurt to check under Freemind’s eyepatch, too. He was fairly certain no one had been in there aside from a couple of aliens, considering none of the lights were on, and the cabinets that might have contained anything useful were closed.

Downside, there was probably gonna be a lot of chemical spills. Upside, there was probably a medical kit.

Feetman stopped before going in. “Why are the lights out in there?”

Freeman heard Freemind scoff behind him, but he flicked the light switch, and Feetman relaxed considerably. Freemind grew increasingly agitated as Freeman searched the room for a medical kit. “Why the fuck are you babying him? We need to move!”

Freeman pulled the lab’s medkit off the wall, tempted to throw it at Freemind, but restrained himself. “Let me see your eye.”

“Nah,” Freemind said. “I’m all good. Not gonna bitch about a stupid injury like some people.”

“Fuck you, man,” Feetman muttered. He winced as Freeman started pulling off his bandages, and waved off the signed apology.

Freemind snorted. “Yeah, no thanks.” He kicked at a pile of broken glass that had most likely been a beaker at some point. “If he’s gonna be fucking useless or whatever, then the two of us should scope the area. Make sure there’s nothing around.”

It wasn’t a bad idea, exactly, but Feetman immediately froze at the suggestion. “Uh- I don’t…” Freeman raised an eyebrow, but continued to change the bandages on what was left of his arm. He had a feeling that Feetman didn’t want to be by himself for any extended period of time. Couldn’t blame him, really.

“What?” Freemind snapped, “Gonna bitch about being alone, too?” Feetman averted his gaze, which was all the confirmation Freemind needed to know that he was right. “What are you, six? Man up.”

Freeman shot him a glare. “Go by yourself.”

Freemind scowled. “Are you stupid? I’m missing an eye! Can’t see shit coming from my left.”

“Then stay in here and stop complaining,” Freeman signed. Freemind wasn’t sure how he managed such a clipped, irritated tone with his hands, but the mute managed. He might have been something close to impressed if he wasn’t so pissed off.

“Fine,” Freemind spat. “Whatever. Don’t listen to the smartest person on the team.”

Feetman’s face scrunched in thought. “Aren’t we… like, the same person?”

“No. Because I’m better.” Freemind leaned against the wall. “Honestly, you guys are so lucky to have me around. You’d probably both be dead if I wasn’t here.” Freeman had the audacity to roll his eyes. “Something to say?”

Freeman, of course, said nothing. Freemind couldn’t decide if he could take the silence as a win or not. He couldn’t argue with someone that wouldn’t--or couldn’t--talk back, and he couldn’t win an argument they weren’t having. How was he supposed to prove he was better if Freeman wasn’t even giving him the option?

So Freemind, bored and irritated, did the only thing he could think to do: push every button until something happened. “How long are you gonna play nursemaid? I’ve got better things to do than waste away in this hellhole.”

“You’re not the only one who wants to go home, man,” Feetman said. “You’re just the only one complaining about it all the time.”

Freeman suppressed a laugh as he finished wrapping Feetman’s arm. He could see Freemind getting huffy in his peripheral, but paid it no mind. The guy had largely been all bark and no bite during this whole ordeal, although Freeman didn’t doubt the guy had started a few fights in his time. He’d probably start one now if it weren’t for the fact that they needed each other for survival.

Freemind wasn’t all bad (it was pretty damn close to all, though). Freeman had seen the softer side of him, hidden under about a million layers of a complex superiority/inferiority complex. He’d tried toughing it out the first day after he’d lost his left eye, but by the second day he was hovering closer to Freeman and Feetman.

He had called it a strategic advantage. They could see, he could not. If he had one of them on his left, they’d be his lookout, or a sufficient meat-shield. Whichever the situation called for.

Neither of them missed the way he’d occasionally reach out to tap an arm. Or the way he’d intentionally bump a shoulder and then angrily insist that they had been in the way. They didn’t say anything about it, though. Freemind would only be an even bigger pain in the ass if they pointed it out.

Freeman was less pissed that Freemind was protecting his dignity, and more pissed that he wasn’t offering Feetman the same courtesy of not mentioning his weakness. Then again, Freemind was probably too insecure to admit he cared.

“Well, at least I’m not scared of the fucking dark,” Freemind said triumphantly. “I’ve seen you clingin’ to Freeman over there whenever the lights get dim.”

Feetman rolled his eyes, “Oh, yeah. Like you haven’t been clinging to both of us the past couple of days.”

Freemind’s face reddened. In embarrassment or anger, Freeman couldn’t be sure. “Are you calling me a coward?”

“No, but…” Feetman chuckled under his breath, quietly singing, “You are a pirate.”

“Bold words coming from the cripple of the group,” Freemind seethed. “Are we ready to go or not? I’m tired of waiting around for you fucking idiots.”

Freeman snapped the medkit closed and signed, “Then go.” Freemind glared, but didn’t move. A testament to how much he actually relied on their presence.

It was a liability. One that Freemind hated himself for having. Being dependent on people wasn’t exactly his style. Yet here he was, unable to leave this stupid room because he couldn’t leave without these two idiots. Well, he could, but he wasn’t going to.

After a few more minutes of Freeman fussing over Feetman’s missing arm, Feetman claimed that he was ready to go. Freemind thought it was about fucking time, but Freeman didn’t seem so sure.

Freemind couldn’t figure out why Freeman was being such a mother hen about all this. Usually it was Feetman doing that, which made sense, considering they guy had a kid. Freemind thought he’d be glad to have Feetman off his back about his eye and everything else, but Freeman was almost worse. At least Feetman listened somewhat, even if it was just to bicker with him. Freeman would just tell him to shut up.

He ducked out of the room while Freeman and Feetman continued a mostly one-way conversation. Ironically enough, it was Freeman doing most of the talking. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah.”

“We can stay a few more minutes, if you need to.”

“I said I’m fine, man,” Feetman said. “Or- well… as ‘fine’ as I’m gonna get.” He glanced out to the hallway. “Think his eye is okay?”

Freeman shrugged. “He’ll start complaining when he wants someone to look at it.”

Feetman nodded. “Yeah… alright. Guess we better get moving before he-”

“Will you two hurry the fuck up!” Freemind shouted from the hallway. “You morons are slower than my dead grandmother!”

A cheerful smile overtook Feetman’s face, taking Freeman by surprise. “Gordon,” he said happily, “I crave violence!”

The moment was gone before Freeman could question it. He’d learned to stop asking about Feetman’s little outbursts. They were his friends, supposedly. Something about his first run? Freeman didn’t know. And there was no telling what might trigger it, so Freeman mostly relied on context.

Like now, for instance. Even if the smile was cheerful, the words suggested Feetman was about two seconds from strangling Freemind with his remaining hand. So Freeman decided it’d probably be best to keep the two separate. At least until they both calmed down a little.

Freemind noticed Freeman’s efforts to keep them separated. He decided against pushing any more buttons, since Feetman seemed capable of talking back, despite his injury. And, honestly, how dare he talk back to a god like Freemind?

Really, he didn’t understand why Feetman was getting so worked up about everything damn thing. Freemind himself hated being a liability, so why was Feetman so insistent on being one all the fucking time? It was infuriating. Feetman should be just as on guard as he was, not overreacting about a dark room. They didn’t have time for him to be scared of every damn thing.

None of them liked the dark. So why was Feetman being such a bitch about it?

Freeman suddenly waved a hand to get his attention. “Storage area.”

Freemind grinned. “Nice! Might find some guns in there.”

“Or supplies,” Feetman added.

“Whatever,” Freemind dismissed, already shoving past him to take a look around the storage room.

Unfortunately, it looked pretty ransacked already, but the three men spread out to search through the splintered crates. Well, Freemind and Freeman did anyway. Feetman just seemed to be smashing them, for some reason. He stopped after a couple of minutes and frowned. “Why am I smashing crates?”

Freemind’s face twisted in confusion. This guy might actually be losing it. “Are you brain dead or something?” Feetman blinked at him. “Know what? Fuck it. Never mind.” Freeman was better at dealing with whatever that issue was. Apparently, Feetman’s… ‘friends’... really liked smashing crates.

The dude was seriously fucked up. Not just his arm, either.

He wasn’t finding anything useful, and was about to see if Freeman had found anything, when the lights suddenly flickered. “What the-” ‘fuck’ didn’t get a chance to leave his mouth before the room went completely dark.

For a moment, he thought he’d lost his other eye. A spike of panic tore through him at the thought of being totally blind during an alien invasion, but then remembered that he’d seen the lights flicker. It was just a power outage. His eye was fine.

“Um… guys?” Feetman called out. “Where- you guys still in here?”

Freemind started to answer back, ‘Yes, dumbass, of course we’re still here,’ but he stopped himself. Feetman needed to stop being a bitch about the dark, and here was the perfect opportunity for some exposure therapy. And if Freemind didn’t say anything, then Feetman would have to get over his thing about being alone, too.

It was two birds with one stone. If Feetman could handle being alone, in the dark, until the backup generator for this area kicked on, then everything else would be a cakewalk by comparison. Without Feetman bitching all the time, they could get out faster.

Genius plan. Foolproof. God, he was so fucking smart. And the best part was, Freeman couldn’t even ruin it. The guy didn’t talk, and his sign language was useless in the dark.

“Freeman?” Feetman tried again. “Did- did you guys leave?” Perfect. Feetman thought he was alone. Now all he had to do was stay calm and- “This isn’t funny, guys!”

Freemind raised an eyebrow, kind of a useless gesture in the dark, but it felt necessary. This wasn’t supposed to be funny. It was supposed to be productive. It was a solution to a problem. Freemind was fixing the problem. All Feetman had to do was stay calm. How difficult could it be?

He bit back a curse as he heard footsteps to his left. Freeman was trying to find Feetman! That would ruin this whole thing! Did Freeman not understand what he was trying to do here? No, of course he didn’t. Why would he? He was an idiot, just like everyone else.

“Who is that?” Feetman asked in a wavering voice. “What are you doing?!” The footsteps stopped. Freemind smiled, glad that his plan was back on track, but frowned again when he heard the unmistakable sound of the HEV suit hitting something. The wall? The floor? Did Feetman trip over something? What a goddamn moron.

Feetman had indeed hit the floor, tripping over a demolished crate in his attempt to back away from whoever was moving towards him.

Freemind wasn’t answering him. He couldn’t see Freeman. Did something happen to them? Were they okay? Was this another ambush? Did the other two set this up? They couldn’t have. Could they? Would they? He’d been betrayed by people he trusted before...

The darkness closed in on him more and more with every terrified thought that ran through his head. His arm throbbed in time with his heartbeat, which was entirely too fast and he couldn’t make it stop. He wanted to call out again, for Freeman or Freemind or anyone, but his throat closed up with panic before he could. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe. It felt like he was dying. Maybe he was dying.

Freeman heard Feetman’s choked off gasp, and started moving again. He knew the approaching footsteps were going to freak Feetman out, but he needed to make sure his counterpart wasn’t injured. His eyes were starting to adjust a bit, letting him make out the barest outline of the boxes closest to him so he could move around them, but finding Feetman was an entirely different challenge.

Finally, he could see the vague shape of Feetman, on his knees and curled in on himself. He hoped the lights came back on soon. Because once he helped Feetman, he had a universal sign for Freemind that relied heavily on his middle finger. Was this his idea of a joke?

Feetman was hyperventilating, mumbling incoherently as Freeman slowly knelt down next to him. He tapped the floor lightly in hopes that Feetman would understand that this was a friend. Not an alien or a soldier, not a threat. But Feetman didn’t seem to register it, if anything, he only seemed to panic more.

After a few seconds of Freeman trying desperately to come up with a solution, the fluorescent lights whirred back to life. Freemind was standing on the other side of the room, looking almost annoyed at the situation. Then he saw Feetman collapsed on the ground, and his expression softened into something resembling concern.

“Whoa, the fuck?” He made his way over to his two alternates, wondering where the hell his plan went wrong. “What the hell’s wrong with him?”

Freeman sliced a hand across his throat, the unofficial sign for ‘cut that shit out’, then signed, “Help him.”

Freemind suddenly felt very out of his element. How the fuck was he supposed to help? “Hey, uh…” He cleared his throat nervously.

Nervously? Since when did he get nervous?

Maybe since he’d unintentionally plunged someone into a panic attack.

Shut up, he scolded himself. He was Gordon ‘Freemind’ Freeman. He didn’t make mistakes. He just… miscalculated. A little. Not enough to count as a failure.

“Listen, just- just calm down, it’s… the lights are back on, okay? You can stop freaking out.” There. Facts. Feetman hated the dark, and now there was no more dark.

“Shut up,” Feetman said in a strangled voice. “Sh-shut the fuck up.”

Hm. Okay. That was bad, Freemind was pretty sure. “Okay, well, I don’t know what the fuck you want me to do here, so I’m just gonna keep talking.” Feetman shook his head. “Yeah, I am. Because you’re so stuck in your own stupid brain that-” Freeman nudged him. “What?”

“Just talk,” Freeman signed angrily. “Don’t be an asshole.”

“Alright, alright, alright,” Freemind huffed. “Listen, I didn’t… I didn’t know the dark was gonna fuck with you that bad. I thought you’d, like, get over it. Which you didn’t. And that’s bullshit, but whatever. Next time I won’t do that.”

Feetman tensed. “Next time?” He asked frantically, “What- there’s gonna be a next time? I can’t-”

“What? No!” Freemind exclaimed. “That’s not what I meant, you- fuck.” He looked to Freeman for help. “Any other great ideas?”

Freeman didn’t know. On reflex, he reached out to put a hand on Feetman’s arm. Of the three of them, Feetman was probably the most touch-oriented. He knew his mistake as soon as his hand grazed the HEV suit, Feetman immediately recoiling, eyes wide with fear .

“Get away from me!” Freeman started to pull back, realizing too late that this was the wrong arm to touch in the moment. But before he could apologize, pain exploded across the right side of his face. He could see Feetman scrambling backwards through the stars in his eyes. Feetman really packed a punch.

“What the fuck’s wrong with you?!” Freemind yelled. “Why’d you do that, Freeman was trying to help, dumbass!”

He shook his head to get Freemind’s attention. “It’s fine. I shouldn’t have scared him.” He should have known better. He should have made sure Feetman was okay first. He refused to blame Feetman for lashing out during such a vulnerable moment.

The panicked haze in Freeman’s eyes cleared a bit. “F- fuck, I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t-” Freeman shook his head, assuring Feetman that he was fine. “What happened? You… the lights went out and I couldn’t- you weren’t…”

Freeman glanced at Freemind, having more or less the same question. “Why didn’t you say anything when the lights went out?”

Freemind at least had the decency to look… guilty? The expression was so foreign on Freemind’s face that Freeman almost didn’t recognize it. “I was- I had this plan.” He stopped like he expected to be interrupted, then continued when he realized that Freeman and Feetman were still listening, “I thought you were kinda overreacting about the dark and shit. So I was trying to help you, like, get over yourself. And that didn’t, uh… that didn’t work.”

Feetman wheezed. “You- you’re an idiot.” He rubbed his eyes under his glasses. “Why the fuck did you think that would work? That’s the stupidest-”

“Shut up.”

“-thing I have ever heard in my-”

“Feetman, so help me god, I will turn these lights back off.”

“-entire fucking life,” Feetman finished. Freemind grumbled, but otherwise held his tongue. Feetman then turned to Freeman and winced. “Jesus, man, your face. I’m real sorry about that.”

Freeman shrugged. “I’ve had worse. It was my fault, anyway.” Feetman didn’t look convinced, biting his lip and holding his right arm tight to his chest. He figured now was probably a better time to ask, “Do you want a hug?”

“No,” Feetman said. Then, after a moment, “Maybe… yeah.” He glanced at Freemind. “As long as the resident pirate isn’t gonna be a dick about it.”

Freemind narrowed his eye. “Shut up.” But despite the venom in his voice, he leaned against Feetman’s left side. “Don’t say another word.”

Freeman slung an arm around Feetman, giving him a reassuring squeeze that neither of them could feel, but it was the thought that counted. Feetman almost immediately relaxed into the embrace, quietly muttering a word Freeman didn’t recognize, “Pog.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Freemind asked. “No, actually, I don’t care. I hate it. Don’t ever say that again.”

Feetman laughed again, lightly bickering with Freemind until all three of them were ready to go. There wasn’t much they could salvage in the storage area, unfortunately, but hopefully they’d find something later.

Freemind didn’t make another comment about Feetman’s fear of being alone or in the dark. If you asked him, he’d say that Feetman bitching about the dark was marginally more productive than him being collapsed on the floor. Again, it was all just survival.

And if anyone said that they saw him quietly talking to Feetman at night, distracting him from the dark and the pain in his arm until he fell asleep, that person was a goddamn liar.

[thegoodomensdumpster]

I WATCHED GOOD OMENS IN FRENCH SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO

and it wasn’t that bad. Here are my thoughts, barely edited as I wrote most of them while watching the show.

EP 1

OK i like god’s voice so far

possibilité d’embarras gastrique is a good formulation, I wonder if it’s the same in the book ( I think I kinda need to read it in french now...)

aghghdhgs « primo-délinquants »

of course subtitles don’t match the audio for a variety of technical reasons but when you get things that have very different underlying meanings i find it… not good This one about Crowley being evil / a demon : subtitles : « c’est ton travail » - « it’s your job » audio : « c’est dans ta nature » - « it’s in your nature » i mean dang

crowley sounds like a little shit asking az about his sword

« T’AS FAIT QUOUA » - he just loses his shit (kinda giving me some le coeur a ses raisons vibe)

ok crowley sounds very nerdy when he tries to explain that he took down the phone network, i think i actually like this voice acting

ligur sounds… very suave (im a little ill at ease)

crowley getting called mon chou by satan freddie mercury is a thumb up from me

i see the part where aziraphale speaks japanese wasn’t dubbed over and we can still hear michael sheen. it’s a bit disturbing considering french aziraphale has a higher pitched voice (and he sounds soooo much more anxious than sheen, give this angel a xanax )

“sandwich bœuf cresson” ( beef and cress sandwich ) deirdre really who makes this kind of sandwiches

im being reminded that the chattering nuns prepared little cut outs for their explanation about the antichrist switch… such dedication to useless crafts (it made me laugh on my first viewing and it’s still funny to imagine that some of them either ordered or built these things themselves just so they could make this two minutes long presentation for the most important act of their satanic nun careers)

retire-toi vil démon infernal, créature des abysses XD i swear az doesn’t sound even remotely convinced when he is saying the « get thee behind me foul fiend » line in french, it’s just too over the top for credibility, it sounds like it’s straight out of some super intense dnd session

they still can’t say bouillabaisse (which, like, weird because french, but still valid). nice touch is crowley couldn’t say soupe de poisson (fish stew) either and said poupe de soisson (sish ftew)

warlock mah boy how can you be a teenager and not like dinosaurs

c’est un dinosaure un nullosaure plutôt - apply burn heal

La façon dont warlock s’est exclamé « C’EST NUL » m’a fait penser au nain de naheulbeuk

the english version has nothing on french speaking aziraphale for the second hand embarrassement during the magic tour. it’s over 9000 i literally hid my head in my jumper when he was presenting harry the bunny. Horrible experience, 0/20, would not recommend

EP 2

oooh agnes has a lovely voice !

why is young newton having such a quality dub for the three sentences he has to say

dick turpin’s name is jesse james (tbf dick turpin is not known AT ALL in france, i discovered him reading good omens)

shadwell is pure chaos (as expected). No particular accent for him though, the chaotic energy was probably enough. Would have made me laugh if he had like, a chti or a marseilles accent.

aziraphale is so fucking stressed out by crowley’s driving i thought he was gonna explode

« tu es un gentil garçon » => « you’re a nice boy » said az to crowley DANG THAT’S SO INFANTILIZING AZIRAPHALE YOU’RE TALKING TO A DEMON FROM HELL NOT TO PINOCCHIO

ARGH FIRST MON ANGE OF THE SERIES i’m hit straight in the heart

anathema’s mom doesn’t have a spanish / latino accent at all when talking in spanish…. why...

dog being called toutou is definitely adorable (it’s basically « doggy » but way cuter imo)

tickety-boo has become ça gaze. that’s valid. it’s corny but i still use it unironically from time to time so ... i stan

EP 3

« je répands la fomentation » « i’m here spreading foment » « quoi tu fais des crêpes au froment ?????? »  « what you’re making crêpes with wheat ??? » love the fact that we shoehorned in one more ref to crêpes

az called crowley mon cher camarade, unintentionnal communist propaganda ftw

« pas de repos pour les… bah, pour les bons » « no rest for the… good »  – az was so deflated about the ineptitude he realized he was saying, he felt zero percent commited to his sentence

i was wondering how they would play aziraphale not being able to speak french in the bastille and they opted to have him stutter a bit and say to his executionner « excuse me i’m anxious » XD

« vous êtes le 999e aristo à mourir par mes soins. Mais vous êtes le premier en costume beige » « you’re the 999th aristocrat I’m going to kill, but the first one in beige attire » yeah i guess now that az isn’t english anymore his most noticeable feature is his cream aesthetic

« c’est au cas où ça tournerait en eau de boudin » « j’ADORE le boudin » => « in case it all goes pear shape » - the literal translation featuring food in french is « turning into black sausage water ». I don’t know what pear shaped inspires to english native speakers but the mere mention of boudin always make me giggle, it’s such a funny word and such a funny food

OH !!! no terrence rampa for the tv series, we’ve got anthony J. rampa. Rip terrence petit démon parti trop tôt :’(

« tu roules trop vite pour moi rampa » SERIOUSLY i know we can still infer « rouler » (here as in driving, but literally rolling) as a metaphor for their relationship but you could have said TU VAS TROP VITE that would have been so much better argh

has anathema got an emergency stock of potteries to break in case of emotionnal crisis ?

« Rampa, un démon très futé, il m’oblige à redoubler d’effort » « crowley, a very clever demon, he forces me to make double the amount of effort » oh so admitting you’re making an effort there aziraphale ? :))))))

dang i really want to know how shadwell said that major milk bottle died because not only did he die in combat but aziraphale’s reaction is a bit intense, it must have been quite a tale (this could be a crack fic prompt : «The Epic Tale of the Death Of Major Witchfinder Milk Bottle, by Sargent Witchfinder Shadwell» )

des sorcières et des phénomènes sorciéreux x)

CROWLEY CALLED AZIRAPHALE DUCON ?????? EXCUSE ME ????? #NotMyCrowley #CrowleyWouldNeverDoThat  #CancelAnthonyJRampa2K20  => ducon would be an insult, the gathering of du and con, con being a very nasty but common swear word, and associating it with du- makes it extremely patronizing. it’s like « absolute pathetic digraceful moron +++ ». thanks i hate it *frowny face *

EP 4

l’apocalypse c’est pour aujourd’hui juste après le goûter : it could be translated as « apocalypse is scheduled for today right after tea time » except that « goûter » is not quite tea time but rather the little sugary snack kids take when they come back from school and that most adults drop out of (i haven’t and i’m sure az hasn’t either). thanks aziraphale for having exclusively food related notion of the time because tbh same

ligur has no right to be this sexy between ariyon bakare and his french voice actor that’s just not allowed

radio crowley’s voice vs french ligur’s voice, who has the sexiest voice : FIGHT

(jk french agnes nutter’s voice is by far the sexiest)

gender neutral doesn’t ‘quite’ exist in french but pollution has been assigned a female voice actress and masculine pronouns (i’m saying it doesn’t quite exist because officially we have no gender neutral, but it’s a serious wip among lgbt+ circles to the point where it’s started being used in a few medias)

hastur « en attendant qu’un plombier vienne » / « while waiting for a plumber to come » does hell have a special plumber unit or do demons have to call on human plumbers for their pipes damages ? Dang hastur having to call a human plumber for hell’s plumbery is another damn good writing prompt for a crack fic

Michael is called Michel in the subtitles but Michael in the audio *shrug emoji*

EP 5 

to get a wiggle on has become « il faut qu’on se remue les fesses », literally « we need to shake our butts » like, yes, se remuer les fesses is a common expression to say « we need to act in order to get things done » but it really casts the image of people shaking their booty to some music and obviously crowley thinks the same Weirdly enough I have almost nothing to say for that episode. Sorry. But we’ve discovered most voice actors and actresses so far and no bit of dialogue really struck me as worth discussing or pointing fingers to mock it.

EP 6 

« on va BROUTER quelques derrières » - « we’re gonna lick some butts » OK THIS IS UNQUESTIONNABLY FAR SUPERIOR IN FRENCH THAN IN ENGLISH you thought LICKING butts was good ??? you really thought that ???? AZIRAPHALE HERE SUGGESTS TO GRAZE BUTTS. TO NIBBLE THEM. TO EAT THEM. TO. MUNCH. ON. THOSE. BUTTS!!!! not just licking, guys. This is as serious step beyond licking. (oh yeah he should have said « botter » instead of brouter btw, which is really just kicking, fyi)

« moi je crois en la paix, pétasse ! » wow, language, pepper (fyi i think « pétasse » is far far worse than « bitch » even if it means roughly the same, pétasse is almost never used while bitch is rather common, so it’s a swear word +++)

Dagon sounds like she’s got a nasty cold. #GetDagonIbuprofen2K20

I can confirm that Crowley offers Aziraphale to not just stay at his place, but to move in with him. « tu peux t’installer chez moi si tu veux ». omg they were roommates.

Bad translation strikes again : i don’t know why, but the french dub doesn’t have the « tickety-boo » / « ça gaze » being referenced as Rampa / Aziraphale is being knocked down, which is… a real mistep. It was narratively significant and I’m quite mad the translators missed it.

The Jesse James explanation from Newt has become very nonsensical, instead of the neat and to the point pun « wherever I go I hold up trafic » we’re getting a circonvoluted « because it’s a crime to mechanic’s diligence ». I’m not judging that one too hard, I have no idea how to make it better, and that’s probably how it was translated in the book as well thirty years ago, but it definitely doesn’t have the same impact. On the other hand, it definitely IS a very bad joke that doesn’t even deserve a chuckle, so Anathema’s embarassement really matches the audience’s (aka mine).

OVERALL :

I wasn’t convinced by Crowley… I mean, Rampa’s voice at first, but as the nerdiness showed up it really grew on me. I still think that french dubs have often problems with some voice inflexions every here and there, and for instance in Rampa’s case it was when he was annoyed or frustrated ( at the Globe when complaining about horses and Shakespeare’s plays that aren’t comedies, and also when discussing Azirphale’s magic tricks, it’s like… there is a step between having the right amount of grumpy complaining and overdoing it that is overlooked. It’s overacted, it should have been a bit quieter imo. I don’t mean to criticize voice actors too hard either but as an audience watching french dubs this is a very recurring problem and it always feels off to me. It’s actually one of the main reasons I avoid french dubs whenever possible.)

I have a hard time judging Aziraphale’s voice dub because it clashes so much with both the idea I had formed with it when I read the book and Sheen’s delivery that I just… kinda filtered it. It was too high pitched for me, and too anxious (though for this last point I must admit it could be funny at times, but I’m not fond of this character portrayal). The rest of the cast was rather good, nothing to complain about. There wasn’t anything stellar either, but everything that needed to be conveyed was and it was professionnal. It was also very homogeneous, no voice really struck me as being way too bad or way too good compared to the others, so it was really consistant.

So I don’t have much to complain about overall despite a few wonky translations here and there, BUT there is one thing I felt very robbed of : Crowley calling Aziraphale « mon ange » happens only once, when giving a lift to Anathema, and I’m almost certain they translated it that way because otherwise the joke about Anathama mistaking them for a couple wouldn’t work. So, they were forced to make it that way. The rest of the time Crowley calls Aziraphale « l’angelot », and despite being literally translated by « little angel », it feels sarcastic more than anything else ( the « L’ » in front of « angelot » is part of the reason why, it creates some distance, the other reason being that this word in itself has a very corny vibe and people being affectionnate to each other wouldn’t use it as a term of endearment). So, that’s a shame.

I like the English dub much much MUCH better than the French, but the french wasn’t nearly as bad as I was expecting it to be. The voice actors and actresses were quite good, the dialogues mostly faithful and endearing despite a few really missed steps. It really had its moments. Props to brouter des derrières, that one was fantastic.

[tiernamente]

Hello! 💫✨💛 This is the love bot! I am here to ask you to describe your mutuals as your favorite things/feelings! Spread some love during these tough times 💛✨💫 Then send this to 10 people and keep the love going 💛

This is gonna be a long list cause I have a lot of love to share!🥺💖💖💖

@chaylani nerdy memorabilia, cuddles with my pets (Benji and Mochi) & good morning messages 

Elle, my love, my adorable dork, my one and only. Am I writing a love poem? (maybe) I remember when you first messaged me and we realized that we’re both really nerdy. We’ve bonded over our shared interests which resulted in our strong bond. I trusted you instantaneously and you make me all soft which is why I can’t see my life without you now. 

@khaleesionjupiter my obsession of plushies, blankets & mugs

My baby! Whenever I receive a message from you, I get this instant feeling of wanting to hug you and protect you. Nothing can stop us from fulfilling our evil mad scientists plans. You crack me up and make me smile so fast that it’s crazy. Thank you for being you.

@do-you-know-bts deep talks with friends & warm cups of coffee

Helena, we both now that our sleep schedules suck but at 4am the thoughts just come rolling out. I’m glad to have someone who understands the bad moments just as much as the good. You give me comfort even if you give me a heart attack from all the 2seok content. (Keep it coming please!)

@shadowdevilsslayer nature/landscape photography & fresh baked goods

I know you hate the name but I love seeing Abi’s adventures (even if it’s the same path). I enjoy seeing nature’s beauty in any shape or form and you live in a place that’s surrounded by green!!!!!! You may be more reserved but your caring nature shines through. Thank you for being that mom friend we need.

@zamisriza-the-resurrection board game nights with friends

Zami!!!!! You’re so adorable and funny. Your love for Jungkook makes me all types of soft. You’re just like during a game night, were things start off calm but get chaotic as time progresses. I love that about you!

@glossyvante oranges, mangoes, watermelons & strawberries!

Lovely Mica! You’re such a sweet soul just like my favorite fruits haha. Thank you for letting me get some sneak peaks of your story. (I hope I get to see more of your works soon!) Also thanks for dealing with my crackhead snaps because I’m such a dummy. 

@alittlesugaorspice tea & biscuits (this opportunity was too good, sorry!)

The absolute best person to roast Helena with me! Thank you Li for putting us all together. You make me laugh so hard when we’re on a call and you have such funny stories to share. You’re gonna be an amazing veterinarian! 

@d-rex03 blasting music in my room & having my own jam session

Querida, you already know I love you so so so much! You’re the cutest little bean and I enjoy sending you random Yoongi related posts. You two are so similar that it makes sense why you love him. (But I still love you more!) Te quiero muchisimo chapina!

@dreamyeyes26 watching my favorite youtubers/random videos online

Naz! I love speaking with you when I get the chance to because you’re so calming and comforting (just like the videos I watch haha). You make me happy just by being there. I hope you continue to take care of yourself and I love you!  

@ahh–lexia daydreaming with headphones in during a road trip

The homieeee Lex! I love how we’re both so damn loud. That crackhead energy really makes itself known. You’re easy to talk to and laugh with. I love seeing your creative side because it’s really cool! 

@hobissunshiness the feeling of starting a new book/show/series

You’re like a breath of fresh air Sofie. I love reading the stories you come up with or hearing about your ideas. Your mind is so powerful and I want to encourage all of your ideas (even if some of them are cursed). 

@napofamikrokosmos learning random facts about things

I found it super funny when I realized how we just have random knowledge about things. Google who? I only know Sam. You get super passionate about stuff and I absolutely love that about you. Keep doing what you’re doing sweetie!

@billie-harper discovering new music & getting obsessed with the artist

I love seeing your posts because I’ll notice we’ll share a lot of similar interests. It’s really exciting to see how much we have in common. You’re really kind and I would love to talk to you more. (Suho’s album is TOO GOOD FOR WORDS!)

@jayhoee creating handmade gifts for my friend’s birthdays

The meme queen Kaite! I love how we got into bts at the same time and that we both haven't been to a concert (freaking corona ruining our time to shine). Keep those memes coming Kaite. They're essential in this time of need.

@liamgayllagher the smell of my mom’s cooking/any home cooked meal 

My twin! You're such an extreme version of me and that's saying something. I love how enthusiastic and loud you can get over things you love. Please continue that and I enjoy all the lovely messages you send me.

@the-assembly-call receiving memes from friends on social media

Overalls!!!!! You're so smol and cute and you make me laugh alot with your memes. You're a wonderful human being and I'm glad to have met you.

@dearmyxing soundtracks, soundtracks, soundtracks! (games/movies/etc.)

The Queen when it comes to being a fangirl. I bow to you and respect you. You’re so damn cool to talk to Mary Jane. Thank you for being so awesome. Also, I promise I’ll get around to watching the prodigal son. If not, just yell at me until I do.

@jxnaexo warm hugs, smiles & laughs

Nana! Like I've said before, you're so wholesome and caring and considerate about everyone. You care so much about us and I couldn't be more grateful to have you as a friend. I will fight anyone for you!

@soondaengie finding bright clothing with cool patterns

Omg kiddo you make me laugh so much because of the theories you have or the stories you share. You're bright and passionate and so cute!

@uibout tiramisu & coffee ice cream

This is a cop out because I actually do love tiramisu! You made me wheeze when you sent me those drunk posts. I'll always be your dweeb. (I love you Logan. Also, you jerk you didn't tell me you switched your url, I had to search for you!)

@gukssunshine that feeling of solving homework problems correctly

I love that we can complain about school to each other. You’re so honest and sweet with me and I love you so much Tanya. I love your energy when you talk about random things.

@zombiewerewolfqueen earrings, eyeshadow palettes, nail polish art

I have basic lobe earrings but yours looked so cool when you showed it to me. I don’t do makeup myself but I enjoy seeing the colors and designs people will do. Similar to that, I love seeing how creative you are with your writing even if I don’t understand the context.

@kiwipitupandstir winning on mario kart

You're such a cool person and I absolutely love seeing your posts on my feed. I wish you the best bud. Stay true and stay cool.

@notreyoon flowers, gardens, all aesthetically pleasing things

Ah yes the superior Leslie, you’re just as precious as yoongles. Whenever I see your blog I'm like, how is a human this stunning?!?!?! Like girl, show me your secrets! Sending you my love!

@clickclacktothemangmang museums/observatories/spontaneous adventures

I miss you my fellow funky little Hobi lover. It was so nice to talk to you about the random things bts would be releasing last year or the shows they were doing. You're so adorable and I hope you continue to shine bright!

@majestikblue listening to stories about people/life (post secret/humans of new york/etc.)

Ah yes my taegi buddy. Thank you for showing me post secret because I haven't been the same since. I love stories and you encouraged that. Continue to yell about taegi to me and I will continue to yell about 2seok to you.

@galaxiejoon ​going to bed after a long day

My fellow nam2seok enthusiast. Unfortunately, we don’t talk much but whenever I see your tags on posts, I crack up so hard. You’re so relatable so just keep doing what you’re doing bud.

I love you all! And to all of my other mutuals I haven’t had the chance to talk to, please know that I love you too! I promise I’m nice???? 

🥺🥺💕💕😘😘 sending y'all my love

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Just finished teotfw 2

Largely spoiler-free thoughts:

It wasn’t bad. Like, it was perfectly well made TV and the performances were great as usual and there were some genuinely heartrending and hilarious moments (the bit that made me laugh hardest and feel bad about it was a scene with the ashes in the last ep). But it felt a bit like a dead end? Like, considering how much momentum the first season had with those two kids on the run from everyone and everything and feeling like they were legit all each other had in the world because they were the only ones who understood, s2 just felt relatively... slow. S1 kind of took them on this short, beautiful, tragic arc and ended with the perfect level of ambiguity after kind of taking those characters on an emotional journey that left them as better, happier, more well-rounded humans at the end of it (even if it wasn’t to last) and now it feels like they kind of hit a wall before they even started. 

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed watching it- mainly because I was happy to see James and Alyssa again. But overall it didn’t have the fun or the energy of S1, it wasn’t as narratively compelling and I felt like there weren’t enough moments of lightness and fun with James and Alyssa to really counterbalance a lot of the tension. I don’t think it ruins the ending of the first one- unless you let it- but if you are super super attached to the original ending and think you’d only risk watching s2 if you thought it was gonna be better, well, I’m not sure it lives up to that. 

More spoilery ending thoughts below the cut

That being said, as much as I enjoyed the beautiful, poignant ambiguity of the first season’s ending, and I think just in terms of execution and narrative it was the superior ending, I did like how James and Alyssa wrapped up this time around. I like that they admit they love each other, but they’re learning to find themselves outside of their chaotic ride or die relationship. I like that James apologised for putting her on a pedestal and seems to know that he has to find his life’s track without making it all about her, and I like that Alyssa confronted her demons, decided to get help dealing with them properly and told James upfront that she’s going to take time for herself. It was sort of a levelled up, more thought-out version of the end of season one where she tells him she doesn’t want to have sex- which was a perfectly valid and necessary moment in itself but very much felt like what it was, which was a horny but scared teenager pumping the brakes even though she didn’t one hundred percent know why she was still so affected, or why something horrible with a horrible person should ruin something she wants with a person she loves. She knows now that what happened has seriously affected her, that it’s not going to go away over night and that she needs time, space and help, and James is clearly willing to give that to her, and basically I’m just super proud of both of them. They didn’t get such a complete and compelling character arc this time around but if like me you are depressed and looking for more happy, hopeful endings, watching these two kids crack it after all they’ve been through might just be your cup of tea.

[makeste]

ITP: an incomplete but lovingly assembled list of people who have it out for my kid

hi anon, thank you!!

and omg. I... don’t know, lol. like, I’ve thought about it before, but I always just ended up going “???”. there just doesn’t seem to be anyone tailor-made for him, and it’s honestly weird. shounen tropes have taught me that these things are always foreshadowed in advance. so where is it? WHERE IS THE FORESHADOWING, WHERE ARE MY TROPES. he literally got kidnapped by a whole troupe of them and not a one made any real effort to click. that was like the villain equivalent of The Bachelor and it still didn’t get us anywhere omg.

anyways, since I’m undecided, I’ve taken the liberty of listing and rating all of the Possible Bakugou Antagonists I could think of on a scale of 1 to 10, and I’m not gonna pretend like I didn’t enjoy every second of it, either.

Spinner - 1/10

no offense Spinner. you’re a great guy. but we just didn’t connect. you have absolutely nothing in common. those sparks just aren’t flying. I’m sorry. you’ll find someone someday I know it just keep being true to yourself.

Stain - 1/10

gtfo.

Mr. Compress - 2.5/10

I have no idea who Mr. Compress will end up battling, but it won’t be Bakugou. how do I know this? I just know.

Dabi - 3/10

honestly, Dabi kind of has chemistry with everyone. so it’s a shame he’s already spoken for. by three other people, no less. between Endeavor, Shouto, and Hawks, he’s really got his hands full already. it really is a pity because he was the one who actually kidnapped Bakugou, like grabbed him by the back of the neck and dragged him through the portal and everything. but he has beef with too many other people to make room in his fridge for even more. sorry Bakugou.

someone from the Liberation Army - 3.5/10

they had better not! he deserves someone more interesting! but, the one thing they do have going for them is their fierce commitment to the whole QUIRKS ARE SUPERIOR!! ideology, because I do have to admit, there’s a part of me that does like the idea of Reformed Shithead Bakugou Katsuki taking a stand against some prejudiced dickbags. so yeah. but also, no.

Twice - 4/10

honestly this rating is too high. there’s no chemistry here either. but on the other hand, Twice is basically the Kirishima of villains, and I just really enjoy the concept of him antagonizing Bakugou lol. plus he does have the whole Satisfying Cannon Fodder thing going for him too on account of he can clone himself x infinity and just attack Baku in waves only to get repeatedly blown up. this does win him extra points, because I feel like one of the important criteria for a Bakugou Antagonist is the ability to actually put up not just a good fight, but an entertaining one, and that’s pretty difficult against a quirk like Kacchan’s. so yeah. this honestly won’t happen but if it did I would be down for it.

Gigantomachia - 4.5/10

on the one hand, Machia is insanely powerful and definitely a worthy antagonist. but on the other hand he has no personality whatsoever aside from LOYAL TO AFO!!! so yeah, he gets mad points for being a challenge, but I can’t see him having staying power.

 okay so now we’re done with the ones who really have no chance, and on to the ones who genuinely could really pull it off. starting with...

 Toga - 6/10

okay so Toga is pretty much a lockdown for being Ochako’s main villain honestly. but I’m gonna give her a decent score anyway, for three reasons:

(1) I love her.

(2) Bakugou is thus far the only male character in the series who’s actually had a real fight against a female character, and not pulled any punches. yeah boy!! he’s a feminist! so I would kind of love to see this even though Horikoshi probably won’t. boo.

and last but not least, (3) THE MIND GAMES. omg. who wouldn’t love to see Toga transform herself into Deku or Kirishima or BEST JEANIST NOOOO or Camie or whoever else you can think of that might fuck with Bakugou’s head. yesssss. god I love Toga so much.

anyways!

Hagakure the U.A. traitor - 7/10

see above re: mind games. you’ll notice that the top tier of this list consists solely of villains who (with the exception of Tomura) all have the whole Now It’s Personal thing going for them. this is especially important because there is no clear-cut candidate to be Bakugou’s antagonist yet. so if he’s going to get one, they’re gonna have to get cracking on that bad blood between them so he can get his vengeance on. anyways the traitor will probably wind up being someone else’s main villain in the end, but they still get a high score because they would do an excellent job if they did end up being Bakugou’s villain.

Hawks - 7.5/10

on the one hand, not an actual villain. but on the other hand, YOU KILLED MY MASTER angst for daaaaaaaays omg. holy shit. Hawks what kind of hole have you dug yourself into?? you probably think you’re so slick you can just fly out of any and all metaphorical holes. BUT NOT IF THE HOLES BLOW YOU UP, HAWKS. anyways yeah. I don’t think Hawks will be a final villain, but as things currently stand there is a very high likelihood of there being at least some temporary antagonism between them, and my verdict is: bring it.

Shigaraki Tomura - 8/10*

the * is there because this score is contingent on Deku and Bakugou facing off against Tomura together. as it is, Tomura’s been built up to be Deku’s antagonist, so he’s not going to go after Bakugou instead unless Gang Green is also there. even though Tomura did engineer Bakugou’s kidnapping and all but single-handedly launched his character development into orbit, so there is history there! but yeah, I just can’t see it happening unless they double team him. that being said, the odds of that are actually pretty good IMO, hence the high score.

All For One - 8.5/10*

same deal as Tomura! but he gets a higher score on account of him actually being the final villain. so if you, like me, believe that the series is building up to Deku and Bakugou working together to become The Greatest Heroes as a team, then you have to assume that this battle is inevitable. unless you’re all-in on Tomura being the final villain instead, in which case see the previous entry.

confession time: I’ve had this plot bunny?/headcanon?/?? thing in my head for the longest time in which the League launches a huge attack on U.A. near the end of the series, and either AFO or Tomura goes after All Might and almost finishes him off, but then Bakugou steps in before they can finish the job, and proceeds to take them on solo. and he puts up an insanely good fight, but loses in the end (because he’s still just a kid! HIS TRAINING IS NOT COMPLETE) and nearly dies and/or has his quirk stolen, but then Deku and/or the others show up, and the villains leave (for some reason. shh). it’s my self-indulgent hurt/comfort as-a-result-of-being-a-self-sacrificing-badass fantasy. anyways then he probably passes out in All Might’s arms or something because I love me some Dad Might angst also. the thing is, if Bakugou ever finds out about Nighteye’s prophecy, there’s a good chance he’ll react even worse than Deku, because it already almost came true, and it would have been his fault. All Might actually went into the Kamino battle thinking that was the end for him, even. willingly ready to give up his own life to save this kid. can you imagine if Kacchan ever learns that. anyways so yeah the idea of him taking a potentially fatal blow for All Might in order to stop the prophecy coming true is something that’s stuck with me for a while now. and it has just about nothing to do with Final Villains, but I just thought I’d throw that out there because that’s one way to establish some Now It’s Personal hella beef between two characters for sure. having one of them nearly kill the other while targeting his mentor lol. anyways I went off on a real tangent, my bad.

 so now, drum roll please! last but not least, we have...

 Ujiko - 9/10

you guys. like 3/4 of the way through this post I suddenly went “!!!!” and remembered, OH YEAH, WHAT ABOUT THAT GUY WHO FUCKING TORTURED AND KILLED BAKUGOU’S CHILDHOOD FRIEND, THOUGH. holy shit. I forgot all about him. and also, what the hell, what is this thing all of a sudden where people whom Bakugou is secretly fond of keep getting secretly murdered by villains and he doesn’t know about it omg. like, why is that an actual trend. between all that and the prophecy, it’s like Horikoshi is actually just hoarding this huge pile of Things That Bakugou Doesn’t Know About Yet That Will Absolutely Fuck Up His Day When He Finds Out. like, I picture him stacking up a bunch of heavy boxes just behind a doorway and then waiting for Bakugou to step into the room so he can push the boxes over and they all fall on him and probably kill him fuuuuuuck.

anyways, but yeah. Ujiko, though. I really do think he’s got the best chance of becoming the main villain for Bakugou now that I think about it. all of the criteria are there.

(1) Satisfying Cannon Fodder - you get a Noumu! EVERY! BODY! GETS! NOUMUUUUUUUS fff but yeah. if you want bad guys for Bakugou to fight that he can blow up without feeling guilty, Ujiko’s your guy. -- though on the other hand, maybe he will feel guilty if and when he learns what the Noumus actually are. oh my god. which brings me to point two!

(2) ANGST FOR DAYYYYYYYS - hey guys, so everyone knows about this fun little thing, right?

okay so the short version is this: in a volume 7 omake, Horikoshi strongly implied that the winged Noumu who kidnapped Deku and was subsequently killed by Stain during the Hero Killer arc is -- or was -- Katsuki and Deku’s childhood friend Tsubasa. so right away, that’s fucked up. and it gets worse! because Horikoshi went on to include yet another hint tucked away in a corner of the first databook, confirming that Tsubasa was actually the grandson of that doctor in chapter one who diagnosed Deku as quirkless. the same doctor who is 99.9% confirmed to actually be AFO’s personal physician and the architect of the Noumus.

so yeah. this man took his own grandson and turned him into a lab experiment who was later murdered by another villain. and oh yes, that murder just so happened to caught on tape and subsequently went viral. holy shit.

I have been waiting and waiting and waiting for this shoe to finally drop, guys, and I’ll continue to be patient. but holy shit, though. anyways, so yeah. if/when Kacchan and Deku learn about this, I can’t even imagine how they’ll react. but it’s safe to say that Ujiko has the Now It’s Personal factor more than covered. if Katsuki is going to go on a roaring rampage of revenge toward anyone, it’s this motherfucker right here.

and last but not least, (3) Ujiko is kind of at this perfect tier of almost-but-not-quite final villain level. like, he’s the guy behind the scenes. not on the same level as AFO, but there have definitely been hints that he’s pulling Tomura’s strings more than Tomura realizes. he seems to be AFO’s right hand man, honestly. so yeah, huge plot importance here, and definitely worthy of being a foil to the series’s deuteragonist. I can definitely see it happening.

so that’s it! I’m sure I’ve missed some people, but I think I got the big ones. anyways, this has been your friendly reminder that the Noumu are going to fuck everyone’s shit up, and there are tidal waves of angst on the horizon that we honestly might not survive. good thing we have a budding hero to root for who always wins no matter what. godspeed, kid.

[shikai-the-storyteller]

CYBERVERSE WATCH: S3 Episode 13, 14, 15, 16

Episode 13

MACCADAM IS MY GRANDPA NOW

Jetfire!!! And Skybite!!! Skybite’s got a great laugh

Oh wow the cloaking still protects them? Nice!

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE FIX PERCY’S EYES, WHERE THE FRICK IS RATCHET

A MULTIVERSE DRIVE???

PLEASE...PLEASE LET US SEE OTHER UNIVERSES??? OTHER UNIVERSES PLEASE????

SPARE SOME MULTIVERSE STUFF FOR A POOR SOUL???

I mean as it stands, the fact that Cyberverse is talking about this stuff is more than satisfying, man I frickin love this show

“We can launch those squiggly things into a whole ‘nother universe!” his delivery of that line was so good and also Wheeljack pls, then it’ll be another version of you’s problem

MEGATRON REALLY *IS* POUTING, MEGATRON YOU BIG BABY

Maccadam fondly but watching them talk about their battle plans makes me feel so bad for him...

AW MAN IS MEGATRON GONNA CHUCK OPTIMUS INTO A DIFFERENT UNIVERSE

About time you showed up you big pouting pansy

Man these two totally were ex boyfriends

LMAO ARCEE AND SHADOW-STRIKER’S EVIL LAUGHS, THAT”S SO DELIGHTFUL

That Titan should just smack them out of the sky tbh

SKULLCRUNCHER THE CROC...NICE

I love that Soundwave and Roddy are manning the controls

“Commanders command. And you forget, we have backup” CUTE...CUTE....CUTE!!!

I’M SO PROUD OF MY BOYS!!!!!!

BEE!!!It’s been so long since I’ve seen you! I love my little yellow boy!!! Please take care of your dad Bee

OH NO IT”S CREEPY TENTACLE DOCTOR

GOTH GIRL AND PREP GIRL!!! 

MAN I JUST KNOW SOMETHING’S GOING TO GO HORRIFICALLY WRONG HERE

FRICK NOT THIS DUDE AGAIN

AW MAN NOT A WHOLE BUNCH AT ONCE

YEAAAHHHHH WHEELJACK AND MEGATRON WORKING TOGETHER!!! NICE

Two Decepticons and one Autobot...not a good sign

Oh shoot it’s the DECEPTICONS who wanna universe-jump, MEGATRON COME ON DUDE YOU DIDN’T EVEN TAKE YOUR ARMY WITH YOU DUMMY

OH NO!!!!!!

“It’s time for the commanders to join the battle” MAN YOU’RE SO COOL RODDY (YOU TOO SOUNDWAVE)

OH SHOOT THERE GOES THE TOWER

WELL FRICK

DON”T “WE DID IT” HOT ROD YOUR DAD IS IN THAT WRECKAGE

“Quintessons: Inferior. Cybertronians: Superior” MAN I”LL NEVER GET TIRED OF THAT

HE”S SO COOL!!!!! FIST BUMP BUDDIES!!! Man I’m so over the moon that these two wound up getting along

You know I’m suddenly having a revelation: I wonder if they could somehow re-activate all those other Soundwaves to help them against the (inevitable) final battle I’m sure they’re gonna have

WHAT THE FRICK

ARE YOU FRICKIN KIDDING ME

Starscream: CANCELED, CANCELED, YOU”RE ALL CANCELED

Well, Megatron certainly got the heck out of dodge at the right time lmao

Episode 14

I legit thought they were going to do an ATLA ref for half a second

Oh my gosh is this an Autobot recruitment video???

“The universe. You ever thought about it?” GOSH THIS VIDEO....

I’m frickin cackling, the Quintessons were like “Hmm, what’s the worst thing we could possibly inflict on this planet?” then went “Oh, of course, Starscream”

WHY DIDN”T YOU JUST LET GO STARSCREAM

Wow Starscream really did just sell out his entire planet huh

SOUNDWAVE NO!!!!! JEEZ HE GOT EVERYONE

Jeez and Starscream has to share with two other faces, that sucks

Lmao Starscream is just like “Nah judging people is what I was born for”

UNSPACE??? UH OK

WAIT isn’t that what Wheeljack made a few episodes ago????

LMAO HE’S GONNA WAIT TIL HE CAN GET OPTIMUS AND MEGATRON TOO bless Starscream and his pettiness

“First I must witness their humiliation!” STARSCREAM PLEASE the Quintessons really got the worst Judge

OHHH WHAT’S HE GONNA DO

SOUNDWAVE YOU’RE SO POWERFUL!!!!!

OH NO HE GOT THEM AGAIN....

GOSH I ACTUALLY GASPED WHEN THEY BROKE SOUNDWAVE’S AUDIO THING, NO!!!

“Well, it did for one of us, and it only takes one Autobot to make a difference” Bee? Whirl??? Wheeljack???

WINDBLADE!!! EVEN BETTER!!! The person with the braincell!!!

I love that Rodimus doesn’t even look worried, he just sighs like “aw man not this loser again”

On the one hand: Worried about my boys On the other: Man I love these two being buds

Also: Not To Be That Guy But it looks like Soundwave’s wearing white thigh-highs with little orange hearts on them and it’s VERY distracting

“You two work so well together!!!” OH NO OH NO OH NO ARE THEY GONNA FUSE THEM TOGETHER OR SOMETHING

THOSE HEAD MASKS ARE SO DISTURBING

uh oh what kind of loop is this

THE PLAGUE OF RUST OH NO

oh my gosh STARSCREAM’S MAKING THEM DO A BUFFING LOOP...THAT’S REALLY THE WORST THING YOU COULD THINK OF STARSCREAM....

“WHERE ARE MEGATRON AND OPTIMUS PRIME” well Optimus is under a pile of concrete, so

Lmao thank you for your peanut-gallery commentary Kup

OH SHOOT THEY DID JUMP THROUGH THE MULTIVERSE BRIDGE

MAN THAT LOOKS SO FRICKIN COOL???? YO SHOUTOUT TO THE BACKGROUND ARTISTS WHO WORKED ON THIS SHOW, YOU ROCK

SERIOUSLY IM IN LOVE WITH THAT I hope whoever did the background art shares their work online sometime, I’ll be ALL over that

AHH I ALWAYS FORGET HOW SHORT THESE EPISODES ARE

Excuse me, Jeremy Levy as WHO???

Episode 15

Kup you are an...interesting commentator choice lmao

MACCADAM..... :(

Windblade please save our favorite Grandpa

wINDBLADE!

HOW’S IT FEEL BEING THE COOLEST KID ON THE BLOCK WINDBLADE

Wait I *JUST* noticed the title calls this “Bumblebee: Cyberverse Adventures” ???? IS THAT NEW

CALL ME A SUCKER BUT WINDBLADE CRACKING HER NECK AND TELLING THE LITTLE SHARK DUDES TO BRING IT ON WAS QUITE POSSIBLY ONE OF THE BEST MOMENTS OF THE SERIES SO FAR

Windblade: *does anything* Me: IM GAY

“I don’t do fear” GOSH I LOVE MY TALENTED GIRL

OH NO!!! OH NO!!!! WINDBLADE NO!!!!!

AND HER WINGS TOO??? WHY!!!!

MACCADAM HELP HER OUT COME ON DUDE WHAT HAPPENED TO NO FIGHTING

lmao rip at the dude crushed by the juke box

Wait I thought they already woke up Iaconus??

YEAH!!!!!!!! MACCADAM AND WINDBLADE TEAMING UP

“UNFORGIVABLE CRIMES AGAINST ME!” LMAO I LOVE THAT LITERALLY EVERYONE IS TUNING OUT STARSCREAM get rekt Starscream.

Not to rag on people who like Starscream because I like him too but me @ Starscream stans tbh 

You guys just need to hold hands! I mean seriously, come on you guys!

STARSCREAM QUINTESSONS OMG I just noticed they’re all wearing Starscream’s colors pffft

AW.....MACCADAM’S FIRST HIGH-FIVE....:’) I bet Windblade and Maccadam both give the best hugs and best high-fives 

They’re so cute MAN I love Cyberverse!!!! I love how sweet these characters are!!!

A psychic trap??? Hoo boy

Windblade: How do I defeat this psychic trap? Maccadam: Well, it would help if you had any bug or dark-type Pokemon on you.

“Or you could just tell me!” I JUST SAID THAT TOO LMAO gosh I love the writing on this show

OHHH I LOVE THE CONTRAST OF IACONUS’ BRAIN WITH BEE’S BRAIN IN SEASON ONE, THAT”S SO GOOD

OH LMAO HE MEANT HER SWORD I thought he meant like “your inner-strength” or “your wisdom” NO HE MEANT “USE YOUR SWORD WINDBLADE” LOL

OHHH SPOOKY VOICE, I DIG IT

Wow Starscream’s really reading out his 1000 page long call-out post to a captive audience

LMAO THEY”RE JUST LISTING OUT DATE LOCATIONS

CHROMIA IS SO CUTE!!!!!!!! AHHH

OH NO ARCEE!!!!

I LOVE ARCEE, “HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT YOU BASTARD”

OH SHOOT JK I GUESS THEY REALLY DIDN”T TOTALLY WAKE HIM  UP LAST TIME I was wondering why he was just an arm

TITAN TIME!!!

Episode 16

To toast the flares off a neutron star....cute....

Wouldn’t it be cute if Kup was telling this story to a bunch of baby Cybertronians

Awh....Maccadam I’m sorry your old Titan had to re-awaken :(

“Too bad I won’t know how it ends” OH NO ARE YOU GUYS GONNA KILL OFF MACCADAM???? NO!!!!

Iaconus looks frickin RAD I’m sure Hasbro will make a killing off his toys

Speaking of I really hope they release Cyberverse on DVD in a bundle-pack

“War Titan, do NOT ignore me!” YEAH USE YOUR MOM VOICE ON HIM WINDBLADE!!!

LOVE THAT ROCK MUSIC

“This has never happened before” now THERE’S an interesting tidbit

OH NO....ITS THE OTHER TITAN....CROATON....

on the one hand, I’m SO glad we’re getting the Titan battle I crave, but on the other, CROATON NO!!!

TRIFORCE BEAM!!!

I love that Windblade is Jaeger-ing this frickin Titan solo

WHOOPS THERE GOES THE STADIUM

“Optimus had a fight of his own...with gravity!” oh how the mighty have fallen Optimus lmao

I wonder how this wonky universe would handle a flier

JUST THROW A BUILDING AT A TITAN, NBD

SOMEONE PLEASE CATCH ARCEE

THANKS GRIMLOCK

THERE’S RATCHET Finally, I was wondering where he was

“Well it’s not my fault this won’t be a fair fight” OH SHOOT THERE IT IS!!! THERE IT IS

I can’t believe Starscream is trying to back-seat drive this fight lmao

SOUNDWAVE NO!!!! Oh thank goodness they’re ok

OH NO OH NO

IS THIS IT IS HE GONNA DIE?? MAC DONT GIVE IN TO FATE!!!  NO!!!

MAC NO!!!!!!!!!! MAC YOU DIDN”T HAVE TO DIE NO!!! YOU LITERALLY DID NOT HAVE TO STAND THERE AND GET BLASTED WHY DID YOU DO THAT!!!!!!!

“My last citizen...he is gone” FRICK IM GONNA START CRYING

Quints > Murdered Croaton's citizens most likely > Enslave Croaton > Inadvertently kill Iaconus' last citizen (WHICH HURT BECAUSE WE'RE MADE TO ASSUME IACONUS ONLY CARES ABOUT WAR BUT NO, HE LOVES HIS CITIZENS DEEP DOWN) > BEHEAD IACONUS LIKE, WHY YOU GOTTA STAB ME IN THE HEART LIKE THIS

Wheeljack you’re so smart but ALSO IM STILL CRYING OVER MACCADAM

“Hehe, you’re a nasty little fella” NICE JOB COWBOY

OH NO ALL THE SOUNDWAVES DANGIT I KNEW IT

AND HE”S A BIG LIAR HE DID HAVE SOME BLUE SOUNDWAVES

OH NO WHAT ABOUT WINDBLADE

HECK THAT”S SUCH A BAD PLACE TO STOP BUT I CANT WATCH ANY MORE EPISODES RN I GOTTA STAGGER THIS SERIES

[fuckyeahcharmcaster]

An Ode to Omniverse!Charmcaster

OV’s Charmcaster is the non-Man of Action-involved Charmcaster that doesn’t entirely suck, and she has as much good points as bad points, all of which I’m analyzing in this post. 

PROS:

Sensible progression in her story - Charmcaster’s story in OV went from point A to point B and so on in a logical way, a far cry from how it went in UAF. We understand why she first gets involved in the show to start with (because the Alpha Rune was stolen by Zs’Skayr while she was busy contending with Darkstar trying to steal magic from her realm), why she goes to Friedkin University (to take the family heirloom staff from Hex in order to replace the Alpha Rune as a power source), why she goes for the power of Bezel (she hears about it while trying to get the staff again and decides it’d be an even better power source), and why she seems so much more rational and reasonable in the game show episode (she’s been deprived of power for a while, and this has a healing effect on her mind). It all adds up.

A return to form in villainy and point of character - The original Charmcaster was all about seeking various sources of power for the validation of her own ego (she has a Inferiority Superiority Complex), with the point being that she did so in place of seeking love, which she subconsciously wants but consciously considers a weakness, a contrast to Gwen who is just as ambitious in the pursuit of growing stronger but does so with love and support from others. After UAF’s version of Charmcaster completely dropped this angle, it’s nice to see it restored with the OV version, who is blatantly portrayed as a troubled young addict to magic power that is too hung up on getting back at people she hates, only hurting herself in the process.

A fantastic design - Derrick Wyatt may have not had any interest in Charmcaster as a character, but he knocked it out of the park with her design, combining her OS design with aspects of her UAF design and topping it all off with stitches in her coat, giving the sense of someone broken trying to put herself back together. The purple hair highlights are cool too.

Badass magic powers - I was far more impressed with OV Charmcaster’s skill with magic than I was with UAF Charmcaster’s. The writing also backs this up, returning to the OS fact that Charmcaster was “always the better sorceress” compared to Gwen, rather than the bullshit retcon about Gwen always being the stronger one because she’s “made of magic”.

Kari Wahlgren’s performance - Just listen to it here. Kari sounds like she’s actually having fun with the role again, as opposed to the drab take on the character she performed in UAF.

Great character interactions - Charmcaster got to have some fun and interesting interactions with Darkstar, Adwatia, Zs’Skayr, Ben, Rook, Hobble, Hex, Gwen and Bezel...she even had non-verbal interactions between many of the other female contestants in the game show episode (providing plenty of crack ship fodder as a result). That was highly appreciated.

A far better ending - UAF’s Charmcaster ended on the worst note you could possibly leave the character on: alone, unloved and mentally broken inside of her awful home dimension. It was a slap in the face to her and to any fan who wanted better for her. OV’s Charmcaster ends in the custody of people who love her on Earth and is mentally recovering. Despite UAF’s Charmaster being the one saddled with the name of “Hope”, there’s actually far more to be hopeful about regarding OV’s Charmcaster. Seriously, just look at the difference here.    I am forever thankful that this is where we left the original continuity’s Charmcaster* on.

*The original Ben 10 continuity before the reboot, known as the Prime Timeline, was a timestream, made of three different branches: OS, UAF and OV.  So the OS and UAF branches and their Charmcasters technically still exist separately from OV, but not as part of the Prime Timeline. The Prime Timeline’s Charmcaster thus started as OS!Charm, shifted into UAF!Charm, and then finally into OV!Charm which is what she is left off as. Complicated, eh?

CONS:

Mischaracterization - I’m not going to say that I didn’t find the zany, cheerful, energetic, high-on-magic Cloudcuckoolander personality OV Charmcaster had entertaining. I did. But the fact remains that it’s not the personality Charmcaster is supposed to have. Take away all the witchy trappings, and Charm is a “thug life” girl. Strip her of her magic and she’d be ready and willing to throw down with her fists. She’s sarcastic and tough-talking, insolent to authority figures, competitive and kind of tomboyish. Basically, she aspires to be the kind of woman Rojo is: the baddest bitch around who nobody oughta mess with, and she’s constantly frustrated when her own awkwardness gets in the way of this and she is unable to back up this egotistical self-image, though she often blames the likes of Gwen for it instead of herself. UAF’s varying depictions of her as a sultry femme fatale, high school alpha bitch, sadistic and obsessively vengeful murderer, sympathetic outcast and freedom fighter, troubled daddy’s girl, or whatever the Hell she was supposed to be in “Couples Retreat” were not the right characterization, and neither is what was done with her in OV no matter how much more enjoyable than those UAF characterizations it may be. Only the reboot got it right.

Her story hinges too much on UAF’s crap - Just when you’re enjoying OV Charmcaster’s story, you suddenly hear things like “Ledgerdomain”, “Alpha Rune”, “Spellbinder”, “Adwatia”, or “Darkstar” get brought up, and you zone out thanks to the bad memories that are awoken. OV Charmcaster would’ve worked better without all this baggage from her previous self.

Unfortunate Implications - Some of this connects to the previous point, as it exists solely due to the UAF crap (ex: OV Charmcaster’s story means denying the route of Charmcaster becoming a better ruler in Ledgerdomain, sending the message that women aren’t capable of being good rulers because they just aren’t mentally up to the task). Others are just OV’s fault, particularly where Hex is involved - I get what they were going for with him, but to do so they had to whitewash the fact that he and Charmcaster weren’t a loving, mutually evil family; Hex abused Charmcaster in order to drive her to evil. To make Hex sympathetic by having him reformed and upset at his niece’s self-destructive behavior that ends up harming him while dancing around the fact that said behavior was Hex’s own damn fault to start with is gross.

Her relationship with Gwen is a non-factor - OV didn’t butcher the dynamic between Gwen and Charmcaster the way UAF did, but this is mostly because it barely did anything with that dynamic at all. The third act of “Charm School” is the only time the two actually get to interact, and it’s as basic as you can get, with Gwen being all “Charmcaster, you’re not well, stop this so that we can help you!” and Charm being all “How dare you get in my way? I wasn’t even looking for a fight, but now I’m gonna finish you once and for all!” They fight, Gwen wins, Charmcaster retreats, and that’s it. In “Third Time’s a Charm”, Charmcaster turns Gwen into a stone totem right at the very beginning, paying little thought to her for the rest of the episode. Gwen, meanwhile, doesn’t really have anything to do with Charmcaster until the very end of the episode, with her line about hoping to finally make friends with Charmcaster now. For a character who is meant to be Gwen’s foil, Gwen barely mattered to Charmcaster here.

No character development - UAF attempted character development for Charmcaster and did it badly. Once again, OV’s answer was to simply not even try. OV Charmcaster is static to an irritating degree, with the exception of her final appearance, in the game show episode, where she appears to be mentally healed...which naturally happened completely off-screen, since putting it on-screen would mean taking Charmcaster’s mental issues seriously, which OV was not willing to do...after all, it hardly takes anything seriously. I think that this was a missed opportunity, as it could have made OV Charmcaster’s conclusion even stronger.

Horribly paced, minimal appearances - Charmcaster appears in 5 out of 80 episodes in OV. Worse still, her first appearance is a brief cameo toward the end of episode 42, showing up afterward in episodes 47, 63, 75, and 78. This means that Charmcaster and her story is primarily a factor in the episode 61-80 period, which is considered by many to be the worst period in the whole show!  It is transparently clear that the people behind OV did not have any real interest in Charmcaster whatsoever, she didn’t fit in with their preferred focus on Ben, Rook, the Plumbers, and stupid shit like “harem” antics and Blukic/Driba shenanigans. 

The spin-off that never happened - A justification as to why Charmcaster was so underplayed was that Gwen was not a regular on OV and thus too many Charmcaster appearances without Gwen would feel weird. As it stood, an OV spin-off focused on Gwen at Friedkin University was being planned, and Charmcaster would have been a regular character on that show. The problem is that this spin-off didn’t happen due to OV bombing and the franchise getting rebooted, so Charmcaster having few appearances and no character development in a story arc dedicated to putting her in place for her role in that spin-off just ends up feeling like a total waste. As painful as it is for me to admit this, even UAF Charmcaster ultimately felt more meaningful to UAF than OV Charmcaster does to OV thanks to this misguided decision.

[mittensmorgul]

I recently read a fic on ao3 and it was funny and great and then I thought of a few major changes that would make it even more hilarious. Problem is, I don't know the etiquette here. Should I just go ahead and write my own version? Add a link to the original story and credit it as inspiration? It was based on a prompt so the idea isn't exclusively the author's I suppose. Anyway I'll only be borrowing the start scenario (which is the prompt) and there will be no other similarities. Please help

Hello there. I’m gonna start what I expect will be kind of a long essay by saying there is an awful lot to unpack here… Starting with the fact that there is a chasm of difference between taking inspiration from a prompt fill fic and imagining an entirely different scenario, and starting that from a mentality of “I can do better than you.” The first is at the root of all of human creativity. We all bounce off one another and take inspiration from each other, and the entire history of human storytelling is essentially one long conversation. But the second part of this historically leads to fisticuffs. No, really. Google “famous literary feuds” for all the reasons why.

It’s not so much a difference in practical terms, but in your approach and understanding here.

So this is why I saw this ask in my inbox late last night and decided I needed to go to sleep rather than trying to answer you right away. But now I have coffee, so let’s give this a try. :P

I’d start by asking what the source of the prompt was. Was it a tumblr post? A prompt from a prompt list? Even one of those “pick a pairing and a prompt and I’ll write a short ficlet” posts? If so, you’re probably free to use the prompt by going back to the original fic prompt list. People publish those as jumping off points to write fic, and they actively WANT people to use them this way.

If the prompt, however, was given to a specific author by someone, you might want to at least ask that author if it would be okay for you to write something of your own based on the prompt. And at least try not to frame it as “I can write something better than you did” when you ask. That’s just rude and demoralizing for the author who’s already published a fic for that prompt, you know?

I get fic ideas all the time from random places, but there’s a different etiquette for each of them.

Sometimes a random tumblr post will give me an idea, and I’ll go talk to the OP privately, both because it’s FUN to talk about someone’s wild headcanon with them, and because you’re approaching the person who had the initial idea with courtesy and in the spirit of collaboration, rather than from this place of “stealing their idea.” The first builds good fandom feelings, while the second tends to do the opposite. I have a couple of experiences here that will hopefully illustrate the difference.

A few years back, when Lizbob was running the Great Meta Scavenger Hunt during s12, it led to the creation of the Great Fic Writer Scavenger Hunt. The theory behind it was that any number of authors could take the same fic prompt based on a single trope paired with a single distinctive character trait and the results would all be entirely unique stories. The intent was to prove that just because an idea had been written before, it becomes a new story when written by someone else, you know? And it was TRUE.

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/the-great-fic-writer-scavenger-hunt/chrono

We had DOZENS of authors participate, and despite all writing “the same story” every week, NONE of the resulting stories were even remotely the same.

On the other hand, I posted an insomnia-inspired headcanon a few months ago, and within five minutes after posting it, my insomnia brain– with an assist from a more rational point of view thanks to lizbob– had taken that little notion and spun it out into long fic in my head. I went back to my original post to laugh at myself in a reblog, announcing that I was gonna write long fic of the thing and for people to stay tuned for more, but other folks had already reblogged the original with comments to the effect of, “Someone should write this fic!” The worst thing was that other authors were tagged into it. As if my highly specific headcanon was suddenly communal property. Because the implication behind it– whether it was the truth or not– felt like “I like this headcanon, but have decided that I don’t want the OP to actually write this story because I like XYZ author’s writing better.”

And I know that was not the intent of the folks who added those comments to my post, but as someone who actively writes fic for this fandom, it felt like a slap in the face.

Now if those same people had replied, “OP please write more of this!” or “What a cool idea!” or even if they’d come to me privately and said, “Hey this is a cool idea, do you mind if I use it to write a longer fic?” I would’ve been HAPPY about it.

Can you see the difference here, anon?

The result was a rather frustrating back and forth where I was told that because I posted the idea in public it was effectively free real estate for anyone else to squat on. I mean, isn’t that what we’re all doing with the source material we base all our fan creations on anyway? We don’t ask the Supernatural writers for permission to use their characters, their settings, their intellectual property to create our own stories and art, right?

But the difference here is apparently too subtle for some folks to grasp. The Supernatural writers aren’t part of our fandom community. And the culture within fandom operates on different rules. Fandom creators are not source creators, and yes we all collectively “steal” from the same source, but it sort of defies the underlying premise that fandom creators as a whole are operating on the same level to suggest that “stealing” from another fandom creator is the same thing.

From my understanding, the entire point of fandom creators doing what they do is to build a community together around the thing we all love. There is a way to do that in good faith, through collaboration and the free sharing of ideas and creations.

I hope this makes sense.

The result of all of that was that I set aside another project I’d been wanting to write and instead began spite writing my own headcanon post. It was like pulling teeth at first, because there was so much Bad Fandom Feeling attached to the concept that the words just didn’t want to come. It’s FINALLY flowing now, though (after several months of the aforementioned teeth-pulling), and is nearing 18k words. I’m hoping it’ll be done and ready to post by the end of March, so I can FINALLY go back to writing the thing I’d originally wanted to work on before this nonsense blew up.

I’ve also unfortunately been one of the authors tagged in on someone else’s headcanon post in the past. I know the folks who do this think it’s flattering, and they’re just excited about an idea and want to read more of it, but the correct etiquette is ALWAYS to approach the OP in PRIVATE before taking their idea and writing it yourself, or pointing another author in the direction of the post and suggesting they write it for you.

I can guarantee you that 99 times out of 100, the OP will actually be flattered you enjoyed their idea so much you want to read more of it if you frame it from a place of appreciation and excitement, rather than from a place of selfish entitlement or superiority.

I’ve talked about this before, but this is how I have always approached fic writing. I got my first idea for a long fic from the Valentine’s Day Collab fic that Winjennster ran back in 2015. I told her I had an idea based on her prompt that I wanted to write as a much longer fic than would fit into the 3k limit for the collab, and she told me to go forth and be fruitful with my words. Actually, I think her exact words were more like “HELL YES! YOU DO THAT!” or something, but the spirit was the same. :P

The next fic I wrote (Project Beyonce) was inspired by a series of tumblr crack posts about “what sort of tumblr blogs would each member of TFW run?” And I reblogged them with commentary about how this would make a hilarious fic, because they were that sort of “conversational thread” of crack headcanons where that sort of addition was more than welcome. Not to mention I was already on friendly terms with the other participants in the thread, so it wasn’t strange for me to zoom in out of the blue and announce I was writing fic inspired by those posts. Even though my fic was set in an AU, and the only commonality was the fact that Dean and Cas were on tumblr. Nothing else about my fic was even remotely similar to the canon crack headcanons from those posts, and I don’t think that anyone involved in the original threads was upset that I’d written fic based on Dean being Cas’s favorite tumblr anon…

My first DCBB (Revenge of the Subtext) was inspired by a crack post made by @nicelimabean. One single sentence about Jensen and Jared walking into a con dressed like Sam and Dean and covered in dirt and blood, and suddenly I had 80k of fic running through my head. I sat there and stared at her post for like five minutes and then went immediately to the chat bubbles to ask– nay, beg– to use her post as a fic prompt for the DCBB. We talked it over for a good long while, both of us growing more excited as the ideas spun out, and long story short, not only did I make a wonderful fandom friend, she ended up beta reading for me and being an ongoing source of encouragement and support in fandom. We even met in person at a con (!) and spent the weekend cackling about how everything felt like a reference to RotS (since at the time we were the only two people on the planet who’d read the fic or even knew what it was about, because DCBB rules of secrecy).

Since then, I’ve gotten ideas for fic from tumblr (and always asked the OP for permission to write their idea– like for fic such as Plotbunny which was based on the combination of ideas from @bluestar86 on a WONDERFUL way to confirm Dean’s bisexuality in canon and Lizbob’s long desire for an Easter Bunny episode, combined with the fact that Easter fell on April Fool’s Day last year… to ideas for The Terminal Job based on chats with @truebluecas about an airport AU WHICH I AM SO SORRY STROB I STILL HAVE IT ON MY LIST TO WRITE AND I SWEAR I WILL WRITE IT EVENTUALLY D:

I’ve also had the reverse happen, where someone read one of my fics and was inspired to write their own fic based on Revenge of the Subtext. They approached me in private with the idea and asked for my blessing to write it. Honestly, I was FLOORED that anyone would be inspired by my words like that, and eagerly encouraged them to write their idea. I’ve also had people give me fic ideas in comments on AO3, in chats both on tumblr and Discord, which turned into longer conversations and eventually more fic (or at the very least to ideas on my To Be Written list). But I always ALWAYS ask permission from the other person or people before writing their ideas. And I have NEVER been told that I was not permitted. People are usually PLEASED that their ideas are deemed worthy by another writer, you know? It’s exciting!

This also goes for art inspired by fic, but in a slightly different way. If someone (anyone!) was inspired to draw something based on something I wrote, I will UNIVERSALLY BE THRILLED that my words inspired someone’s creativity in a different medium. But the key here is it’s a different medium. Nobody ever has to ask permission to art my fic. But that’s not the same as wanting to rewrite my fic into a different story, you know?

Not to mention, collaborating and asking permission and sharing the enthusiasm for an idea or a story like this with others has the potential to boost ALL of your creations. You could build resentment in fandom from other creators, or you can all lift each other up. Starting from the standpoint of communal excitement can result in mutual promotion of each other’s works, you know? Do you want a built-in cheerleader for your work, to build connections in fandom that will eventually support ALL of your works? Then your approach to sharing ideas this way is the key that could potentially unlock that door, or conversely lock it behind you. Your choice, really.

Wait, what was I talking about again? OH right. The whole entire point of fandom. We’re all of us in this same boat, sailing the seas of our chosen Source Material together. You can use your creative abilities for Good, to build communities up, or you can be That Asshole who tries to build themselves up while effectively shading or demoralizing other fandom creators in the process.

So what I’m saying here isn’t necessarily about your desire to write something based on someone else’s idea, but more about the approach you take to it. It costs zero dollars to be polite about it and approach it from a direction of good will and joy in creating for the thing we all love together, you know?

[fantroll-purgatory]

Itcha gal back from like August with Trinel’s kismesis’s moirail

Name: Tabula Auctor- Both are Latin for something to do with writing, but I can’t remember exactly what.

Tabula usually means tablet/table, and is most Famously known in the phrase Tabula Rasa, or Blank Slate, which has some interesting implications. 

Auctor is latin for Author or Originator, but in science it’s also the term used to describe the genetic donator for a clone. 

Since you gave her Two-writing based names, and these very interesting and multi-meaning ones particularly, I might gently try to pull in that themeing in her personality/interests/backstory, etc. 

For the Auctor name most directly, something interesting could be… Maybe Tabula’s ancestor was as interested in Descendants as Auctor is interested in Ancestors, and maybe… Tabula is a slightly more direct clone of her ancestor than ectobiology would Usually do. A Weird and major glitch in the system, maybe not a Direct copy but something very, very close to it.  

Age: 7.5

Strife Specibus: Staffkind- Taller than she is and with a box-thing on the end for looping around necks and stalig-whatevers.

I’m kind of tempted to say pickax instead, the double-sided kind. It’s a tool that… common enough in archaeological circles, as long as you’re careful with it, and it’s double-headed. You could also use it to hook around someone like one might with a scythe, given the head of the ax is big enough. 

Fetch Modus: Dig modus- Basically, a jumble of cards she had to sift through.

Ooo, you could make it more explicit and make it one of those dig kits. 

But instead of shells it’s her items and if she digs too hastily, she might break them.

Blood color: Cusp- Between gold and bronze.

I know you probably already know this, but I’ve got to acknowledge anyways that this is noncanon. But I’m gonna let you keep it anyways because I imagine that’s what you’re Goin’ For and I think her being in a weird blood place makes the direct cloning even more fun. 

Symbol and meaning: A tall rectangle with a line through- I tried to make it a light mix of bronze and gold signs.

I’ll take another look at the sign when we get to design, so we’ll see!

Trolltag: guardedTraveler

I kinda wanna recommend ancestralSapience, if her interest in ancestors is such an important part of her theme it makes sense to make a reference to it in her trolltag. Sapience is the ability to self-reflect and act with self-wisdom, or in response to learned information. 

Quirk: tHe quick browN fox…

You don’t explain why this, but it is good. I think since she’s somewhat fixated on the past, you could also have her have a quirk of going back to previous messages or repeating previous messages and saying things like “as per my last message […]” a lot.

Special Abilities (if any): Used to have psionics, but lost them when voidrot knocked out her psionic eye

We definitely still haven’t seen for sure Exactly how voidrot works or if it can only infect void players, so keep in mind that going forward this could be revealed to be very noncanon. I think it’s interesting if it was happening to her because she really technically is a glitch in the system and the universe is struggling to cope with her, though. 

Lusus: Cyedog; small fox-thing with one eye and wings.

We don’t really see Traditionally Winged creatures until we get up to like teal (there’s only really buggy wings until that point), and her theme isn’t really Flighty enough for me to say wings would be a necessary addition anyways. 

What if we go instead with like… a two-headed sheep? As a Dolly The Sheep jokey, it references the dual themes of the golds And the farmy themes common in brownbloods, too. 

Personality: Big block of text I pulled off my mastodon and slightly edited;

she’s a huge ancestor fangirl and probably the only troll who actively hunts in caves for old scrolls and shit. she’s 4'11, 7.5 sweeps, and has a heavy faygo drinking problem- in fact, it’s gotten bad enough that the soda barely affects her at all, like the radioactiveness in a banana. her moirail, vittah, is a vriskablood that does ribbon dancing and, when she gets to visit, tries to crack on tabby’s habits but yknow. also- tabs hates the theater. vittah’s kismesis won’t shut the fuck up about it- he’s a famous playwrite. She does genuinely care for vittah, and is one of the only trolls that acts normally around her. (May or may not submit Vittah sometime, tbh.)

So I love this ancestor thing enough that I brought it in more in like, her theme conception. I like the idea of her feeling Really, like Weirdly connected to her ancestor, as much as though she really could be a reincarnation of her, and she could have like… a bit of identity struggle. She really doesn’t know who she is because she feels this weird displacement and is trying to build some sense of self By reading about the ancestors. And since you gave her a writer name, maybe she could write a lot about history. And maybe even some Guilty Pleasure Self Insert Historical Fanfiction. 

You could probably give her a fixation on the classics, too. She likes old stuff, original stuff. She doesn’t like rehashes. It could be part of why she doesn’t like theater (on top of her finding Trinel annoying)- it’s all just remixes of the Clearly Superior Old Stuff.

Interests: Archaeology and the ancestors, mostly.

And faygo it would seem LOL. 

Title: Seer of space..?

I honestly think maybe Heir of Space, if only because that makes her inverse Mage of Time and implies an understanding Of time, which comes with her natural interest in and fixation on history. Her trying to passively shape and change space to match up with that form she’s built from a defunct past can cause a lot of problems until she comes to understand the current time and comes into herself!

Land: Land of Ocean and Frogs- (She lives in a desert so no water normally, and frogs is obvious.)

How about the Land of Idols and Frogs instead, a land where there’s like idealistic idolized versions of the frogs and she has to Realize that they’re not the ideal form and she can’t blindly chase the past in order to succeed at her quest and breed the correct frog.

Dream Planet: Prospit.

My Ipad is mean, so here’s the link to an image. Its kinda old though

Design: 

Just as before I really don’t think there’s much for me to say about or change in your character design! I think something you should keep in mind if you ever design the ancestor is that she should try to look like her ancestor or at least mimic her ancestor’s silhouette. The symbol could also use a little editing to fit both the brown and gold sign language… 

I wanted to keep the cut square design you wanted, but I also wanted to incorporate Taurga and Gemge, plus the Symmetry of the usual brown and gold signs. 

Thank you for sharing and I hope this helps!

-CD

[lee-yan-druh]

Book Review: Days of Blood and Starlight by Laini Taylor

Read on: July 9, 2017

Rating: 5 Stars

“She had to be her own strength, complete unto herself.” Wow wow wow WOW this was a fantastic book! I mean I really liked Daughter of Smoke and Bone, but this one? I LOVED THIS ONE. Excuse me for a moment while I fangirl rabidly over this spectacular tome. *fangirls rabidly* Okay okay so I'm not sure how to go about reviewing this book as I'm just filled with excitement over it! DoSaB ended with a cliffhanger, so of course I was eager to see how Karou would handle Akiva's devastating revelation. I grabbed Dreams of Blood and Starlight as soon as I could, and I didn't even realize how thick the book was (I read the ebook version) because I feel like I flew right through it! It was just that gripping. First off, I really loved that this book had a lot more action and plot going on. I feel like DoSaB focused more on Karou's story, and that was really great and all, as Karou's a very likeable character, but I'll admit that I just looooved getting bombarded with more of what's going on in the worlds that Laini Taylor crafted in this book. I'm the kind of reader who loves action-packed reads, and I got plenty of that here! Even from the beginning, there were a lot of fight scenes and battles, and we get actual glimpses of the war between angels and chimaera. And speaking of war, I feel like this book just seemed more real. Reading Daughter of Smoke and Bone felt like waking up in a magical land, but Dreams of Blood and Starlight, although maintaining and expanding on such a magical world, was a lot more grisly and awful in the so-much-blood-and-death kind of way. It really showed the effects of such a long-standing war, especially with regard to the innocents who become collateral damage. I also kind of like that Laini writes in a way that's not very straightforward. She uses a lot of flashbacks, and leaves some plot gaps that are filled in later in the book. I suppose I like a little mystery, and with such a unique world and intense storyline, Dreams of Blood and Starlight has a lot of mystery. There were plenty of surprising plot twists in this book, and "predictable" is definitely not a word I'd use to describe this book. There were moments when my heart pounded so rapidly with all the suspense, and then there were moments that shocked me so hard I couldn't help gasping or jumping in my seat. Laini Taylor is such a brilliant writer, and I feel like I was there every time a particular scene was described. And omg THAT BOOK TITLE. Don't you just love that title?! I also like those little Once upon a time lines at the beginning of some of the chapters as they just sound so lovely and poetic. Even though I felt that Dreams of Blood and Starlight was more plot-driven, I do quite like the new characters that were introduced, and of course welcome the older characters. I felt so bad for Karou in this book, as she's carrying such a heavy weight on her shoulders, but I admire her strength and her willingness to do anything for her people. I also can't help but be awed by her special abilities, and her time being amongst chimaera definitely made for an interesting time. Reading about the chimaera was so fun and scary! I absolutely ADORE Ziri--such a precious Kirin!--and my heart breaks when I think that he's so taken with Karou but I know that Karou won't be able to love him like she does Akiva. I also unexpectedly enjoyed the chapters covering Sveva and the Caprin, as those were pretty suspenseful scenes. And Thiago's such a creep, let's just not talk about him. *shudders* I like that we got to see more of how the angels worked in this book, and man their superiors are SO TERRIBLE UGH. And it's just awful how the Misbegotten are treated. But more than that, I loved reading about the sibling relationship of Akiva, Hazael and Liraz! Akiva's still very tortured in this book, but I feel like he finally started doing more good here, especially since he wasn't so consumed by revenge here. Hazael is such a wonderful character, so funny and cheery, and it just seems so easy to like him. Liraz is also a pretty badass female character, all stone and ice on the outside, while she's actually all smush on the inside, constantly worrying about Hazael and Akiva, and whether or not they would ever leave her. These three are sibling goals honestly. One of the things I wasn't too keen on in DoSaB was the romance between Akiva and Karou. I mean I like them both but I felt like their romance was too aggressively presented. Like "Here's two perfect beings and their forbidden romance! Love them!" And in this book I feel like Akiva and Karou's relationship, though still a part of the story, wasn't so overly focused on here, and I liked that. This book zoned in on other more interesting and important matters, which is probably why I loved it so much. I really like books that can make me laugh, and books that can make me cry, but you know a book's brilliant if it can do both, and this one did! I feel like this book was so much funnier than the first, mostly because of Zuzanna and Mik! OMG I love love LOVE those two! They're so wonderful and cute together, and just all of Zuzanna's lines cracked me up so much. I also can't help but smile every time I imagine Zuzanna and Mik winning over the army of revenants! And then of course we have the crying part. Again, there's a war going on this book, so obviously we've got a lot of deaths to read about. And then sob about most likely. Which I actually did because WHY WHY WHY. *eternal, ugly crying* HAZAEL. OHHHHH HAZAEL. I didn't actually cry when he died as it was too shocking, but I couldn't help it when Liraz was asking Karou to save him and she just couldn't and Liraz just broke down and gaaaaahhh. Also the first time I shed a tear---or ten---while reading this was in that scene where Akiva and Hazael found Sveva and the Caprin and they all thought they were gonna die and Rath the Dahsnag boy stepped up to defend the helpless ones even though he pretty much knew he was gonna die!!!!! That was sooooo heartbreaking and touching!!! And I cried again when Balieros' group came to save the Caprin group again and Rath joined them and really did die!!! RATH IS SUCH A PRECIOUS CHARACTER OKAY I DON'T CARE IF HE'S A MINOR ONE. And OMG Karou needs to resurrect Balieros' team ASAP. Phew. As for that ending, man I feel like the ground got pulled out from under me! I mean I knew things were gonna get serious, but man did they get serious really fast. I'll definitely be grabbing the last book as soon as I can and I have a feeling that it's gonna be just epic!!!! 

This review can also be seen on my Goodreads.

[tumblunni]

Also HELL YES FOR CASUAL PLAYER LOVE

Im so happy to hear that Let's Go is indeed INTENTIONALLY designed to be "more casual" and everything these super anti-casual conpetitive players are complaining about was intentionalky put in there cos the developers legit think its better. THANK YOU!

i dunno man it just seems like we NEVER heae about the developers doing anything for the fans unless its enablibg competitive play or iv breeding or whatever. Like those are the only definitions of "fans" that interviewers seem to care about. And Its hard to know what the developers really think when the questions that are asked leave out a huge componant of the fanbase, yknow?

And uhh.. I mean its just good to specificially know that theyre okay with casual fans existing, like not just "its for kids" but "hey you are not bad if you are an adult who also enjoys the game for its intended appeal points and not for a huge mega complicated mathematical metagame people made up to be 'more mature'". I was really surprised to see that written interview with masuda specifically mentioning IV breeding as the place where conpetitive goes too far and makes the game not fun anymore. "Pokemon wasn't meant to be a game about hatching eggs and nothing else." Like.. Playing competitively itself is not bad, i dont wanna sound like i hate hardcore fans and im a big ol jerk. I admire the dedication because it all seems so super unattainable and mathematically magical to me! Im not into that stuff but i can admire that you have to be a damn genius to achieve all that stuff. BUT i also get what he's saying. Because it sucks when you HAVE to be a damn genius to EVEN START PLAYING! Whenever high level competitive strats become the goddamn baseline it makes competitive completely inaccessable to everyone except the most hardcore of the hardcore, and its like damn man how do you even become that if you have no way to start practising? Iv breeding is so INSANE in retrospect! Like when you think about it, its wild that people even cracked the code for how to game the system and get the highest possible randomized stats for every ridiculously minor thing. Like how the fuck did they even figure out any of this?? And then all the further madness into figuring out how to attain it and how to raise odds of shinys and hidden abilities and how they keep figuring out new ways to do it with every new system each game brings out. And then people will spend friggin LITERAL DAYS OF REAL TIME running up and down the same road in the game, hatching thousands of eggs just to get the one mathematically superior pokemon from a confluence of random events. And this is treated as fuckin REQUIRED to play the game! You can't touch competitive if you dont do it. And these bad sorts of competitive players will try and force this requirement onto other non-competitive parts of the game, and shame casual players for not doing it even though its literally not what they want to play the game for.

Seriously, man! Individual values were just designed to make individual pokemon more random, so the play experience would seem more unique to each run. It was literally invented for a "casual" reason! It just really sucks that they implimented it in a way that had an objective "best" value to get, so people ignored the whole point of "adding personality" and just wanted that one. Tho i mean at least they patched out the early issue where gender and shinyness were linked to these values so you couldnt get certain types of pokemon as the "best" version and it was even more limiting. Glad that GSC didnt have online metagame yet, lol! (Tho it makes it possible for people to more easily predict which pokenon will become Shiny when transferred from rby to gsc, which is neat.)

ANYWAY WHERE WAS I

Oh yeah! I appreciate that each generation of games lately has made it easier to see your IVs and EVs and to get them to their "best" versions, with even the FUCK YEAH feature pf being able to "fix" bad IVs on level 100 pokemon. I carried my Sneasel named Reaper since RSE and he's been completely unuseable for so long and bottlecaps fixed that! Kid me just played the game like he was my starter and i loved him. I didnt know about IVs or EVs, so i took this terribly-statted dude with a bad ability and made him fight all the wrong pokemon because he is my best friend and he needs to win every gym battle and i will buy him lemonades afterward. Also he wore the Blackglasses item forever cos i thougjt itd be cool if you could put accessories on your pokemon. So yeah i did Everything Wrong and thus all the pokemon i actually cared about were made weak and useless by my love and i had to spend 48 hours running down a stupid road to hatch and abandon 1400 new ones just to get one that was "useable". Thanks to bottlecaps, this is no more! Decade old weasel pals can be revived! Tho still it sucks that i hit level 100 before this mon's evolution came out. Alas!

BUT

Like.. Even tho now its slightly less hard to make a "perfect" pokemon its still tedious as hell and really takes you out of the moment and you have to already know beforehand that its necessary. Kids are just gonna blunder in and not even know why they keep losing due to no fault of their own. Adults are gonna also do that. Seriously this isnt a "kiddy fans vs mature fans" or "non fans versus FANS" thing, this is just "fans who have one very specific skill for memorizing a bunch of numbers and steps and enduring hours of boredom doing it vs..people who think that kinda ruins the game". And even if nintendo fully streamlined the process into sonething easy, itd still feel like an unnecessary roadblock in the way of just getting to play the damn game. We really need to add some sort of hardcore/casual or iv breeding/no iv breeding thing to league divisions, as well as the tier lists. This is why im so hyped for the current "Spooky Cup", since it actually seems like a "just for fun" multiplayer experience, and its kinda dumb that we have to rely on nintendo actually programming limitations into a tournement cos the players refuse to allow anyone to just do it normally. I did a big whoop at "no mega stones" and "everyone gets a participation prize even if they lose"! And the limitations being a random event based thing rather than a skill cap! Yay ghost types!! Reminds me of the baby pokemon only tourneys in the n64 games. That was a kind of hardcore challenge that had a bit of creativity to it!

So anyway anyway what i'm getting at...

I'm just happy that the devs are saying "yes this is a casual game with more of what casual players want, and less of those hardcore limitations" and THATS NOT MEANT TO BE A NEGATIVE!! Actual developers sitting on a couch hugging giant pikachu plushies and saying this game is for people who just want a fun game about..well, hugging pikachus! They changed the way you catch pokemon because they wanted it to be more fun. They brought back following pokemon because fun. You get all these new features for your starter because they wanted you to really feel like a kid going on their first pokemon adventure and sharing all these special moments with pikachu! They talked about how the art style was decided upon because it was the closest to "how you imagined it in your head when you played pokemon yellow", and "if it was photorealistic it just wouldnt feel right". They picked eevee for the second option because they actually paid attention to the fans and which pokemon was the second most popular and had a similar "both cute and cool" appeal with all audiences. And they put the most effort into the visuals and the cuteness and making everything just feel like a good and fun adventure that recaptures everything you wanted as a kid playing the first game.

And they just act so unapologetically HAPPY about all these parts of the game! These are their favourite parts! They're the goddamn DEVELOPERS and even they say that they prefer the story and the characters and the relaxing childlike whimsy to the concept of refining gameplay to a ridiculous hardcore perfection and throwing out everything else in pursuit of that. And man, seeing them hugging the big pika and eev plushies in EVERY PROMOTIONAL VIDEO and just enjoying playing their own game so much!! And babbling on about dressing up your pokemon!!

God its just SO GOOD to see this as a fan who's been here since the very beginnibg and is starting to feel quite self concious about being an adult fan who isnt doing it "properly". Like man the pressure of hardcore competotive being the "only right way" started even when i was just 11, like seriously THE AGE THE ACTUAL TRAINERS ARE IN THE GODDAMN GAME. Before you even hit your teens you already got stuck up older kids telling you you were too old to just enjoy a game cos you enjoyed the damn game, noooo you have to make it as unfun as possible and only derive enjoyment from defeating other people. It took me until ORAS to actually even be able to try competitive at all, i found it so overwhelming until they added other methods to EV train. And even then i still felt like the blandness of the preparation outweighed any fun of playing these "higher level" battles. Like sure maybe some people like that stuff but it felt so dissappointing after all these years of being pressured to try it...

Sometimes its just good to enjoy a game cos you legit like the world and characters. Sometimes its just really validating to see the developers talking about enjoying making those things, cos it gives you permission to be less embarrassed about it. Sometimes its good to also see them hugging a hundred dollar giant pikachu while you hug your hundred dollar giant mimikyu. Cos seriously what is the point of being an adult if youre not allowed to buy these adult sized plushies? What kid could ever afford those! Im not letting my childhood dream pass me by just because ~maturity~ when im finally able to slap a fat wad of cash on the table and yell GIVE ME THE BIGGEST CHU

I will embrace all my pure childhood love and enjoy this game of just huggins and nothing else! And i really like this concept for the series, if they continue doing Let's Go as a spinoff so we'd have a set of games appealing to each of the casual and hardcore demographics. I always feel bad complaining about hardcore when really my actual opinion on it is just "its not for me" and im actually only complaining about the rude fans who tell me im not a real fan unless i like their genre of stuff. Dude i was three years old when pokemon came out, i think ive earned my right by seniority to hug a plushie or two! So itd be awesome if hardcore doods could get their super hardcore game too, and we could just argue less cos we'd each be able to enjoy what we enjoy. Tho i mean the main series games already have a pretty clear divide between story/fun being the main game and hardcore competitive being a postgame thing. And yet we still get all this fandom fightibg over "ignore the actual 90% of the game, skip the plotline and only play competitive" apparantly being the "real" way to play it. Like man im worried that attitude is still gonna stick arpund even if they do give us separate games appealing to each side of the fandom?

EHHH WHATEVER! Im just gonna sit here in my corner of casual hugs and work on my self confidence to be able to stop feeling bad about not being someone else's idea of a "real" fan. If real fans can't have pikachu in a little hat, then that is not the life i wanna lead!

LITTLE GODDAMN HAT, MY GUY

[crowsent]

Salt: I Have A Nephew

So I went and picked up my nephew from school, just rolled up to the parking lot and got out the mobile metal machine we humans decided to call cars, at least in English, and walked up to the front of the school to come and escort my fuckass relative. Because I am not having my piece of shit nephew go walk down the street to my vehicle and risk him getting rammed head-first into an oncoming bus or truck or whatever type of transportation the parents/guardians/whoever use to bring the tiny little flesh gremlins to and from school. Tiny little flesh gremlins, in this case, mean the children.

Just because my nephew’s attitude makes me want to go on a lovely hike up the nearest active volcano, set up an olympic-grade diving board, and go for the fucking platinum medal in a needlessly intricate swan dive into the gaping mouth of boiling lava, does not mean that I want the little shit to suffer any kind of injury. Physical or otherwise.

My nephew was sitting on a bench by the front door as he’s supposed to do, kickin his feet up and down since his shoes don’t even touch the ground yet. With how fucking microscopic my nephew is, his feet might as well be on a different fucking solar system from the ground. But he’s kicking, right, and his feet go: up, down, up, down, up, down, over and over again in this senseless rhythm. He on his phone, staring down at it but his fingers ain’t moving. Still as a fucking statue. About as dead as my cold, unbeating heart. To any poor fuck walking down the street to meet face-to-face with screaming children running round like puppies, but not adorable in any way shape or form, my nephew would have looked like any normal elementary-schooler. Just sitting down, on his phone, legs fighting an imaginary monster with how hard he was kicking.

But not me. I have had the misfortune of getting my ass saddled with the responsibility of bringing him back home from school one too many fucking times. At this point in my miserable life, I have become an expert in telling the mood of shitty infuriating nephews and mastered the art of not smacking him in the face every time he did something stupid or irritating. Which is ALL the fucking time. If there was a competition for how much and how quickly any single person can drive me to contemplating into banging my head into the nearest available hard surface: walls, floor, bench, pillar, my dick, whichever, my nephew would be the reigning champion. Bring home a fucking plaque and everything.

So I knew immediately that some shit is going down. Tumblr does not allow me to convey my emotions through the use of sound, but if I can, this specifc fucking paragraph would be accompanied either by me snapping my fingers as a show of superiority to knowing when something’s wrong with my nephew, or that sound that plays on Kill Bill when the Bride is about to fucking stab a bitch.

My fucking pace increased from a casual gait, you know, me just goin to pick up a my nephew, to a full on march of rage. I cracked my damn knuckles when I was walking too, scared some poor child, but I was fucking PREPARED to sock whoever the hell made my nephew like this. I was literally willing to start a fucking fight in the middle of an elementary school because my stupid dumbass nephew was acting like something or someone pissed on him and threw him off the side of a steep-ass precipice, just fus-ro-dah the bitch right off.

Thankfully, before I actually managed to unleash a physical manifestation of my wrath, I noticed why my nephew was all up and upset like a damn mofo. Not far from where he’s sitting, there’s this woman and her daughter. Although we were literally in a public place, able to be seen by any fucking one who decided to so much as glance our way, she was blatantly reprimanding her daughter who seemed to be at the sixth grade, just one year from entering middle school.

Mother Jackass over here was close enough to my little nephew’s spot that I can make out the details of her daughter’s face, but far enough that I can’t read the tiny letters on the side of the uniform. In other words, just the right distance that would give me and my nephew some privacy if we wanted to talk, and them their own privacy. Distance is good enough for privacy islands of our own, while still good enough to canoe the fuck over there. The kind of distance where I SHOULD NOT even hear what the fuck this ho is saying to her kid.

But nah. I fucking hear her loud and clear, as does everyone in the immediate fucking vicinity. Because this bitch ain’t even talking. Talking is a description of a level of vocal communication that is dwarfed by the sheer magnitude of her volume. As in she was fucking screaming. Loud enough that she actually might have shouted this child to death. Awaken the giants sleeping at the core of the Earth. Substitute as a broadcast signal to call in extraterrestrials from beyond the recesses of the universe deeper than the pits of hell.

People were staring at her and her daughter because she was making such a fucking scene, it’s a scene AND an arm’s race. But the winner of “Shitty Mom Award” 2017 does not give a fuck. She gives less of a fuck than I do. And I’m neck-deep in loans from the fuckbank from years of lacking any fucks to give.

From where I was standing, I see her tiny little sixth-grader daughter crying. There is a fucking pair of waterfalls from her eyes; she has nourished crops, flooded valleys, and created a second great flood. Noah ain’t got no ark this time. Humanity has gone extinct. But even if this kid is bawling her little eyes out, the mother don’t care. She continues to chastise the kid and since she’s louder than the damn eruption of the Krakatoa Volcano amplified with fucking speakers, and broadcasted to the entirety of earth. I have gone deaf. Then Shit Mom™ spouted off the verbal version of pancreatic cancer. Don’t remember it exactly, but it went something along the lines of “Your grades aren’t good enough and you’re going to grow up sad and alone and useless” and boy fucking howdy that pissed me the fuck off so damn much.

But then, some distinct part of my brain told me that for some reason, this lady’s inane bullshit fountain of misery affected my nephew so much that I can fucking detect it like a homing beacon IMMEDIATELY. So being the magnanimous aunt that I am, I pretend I actually had more than ten minutes of sleep for the day and go mosey on to him, trying to make my smile look less like I was auditioning for Jack Nicholson in the Shining and more like the nurturing bitch I was actually supposed to be. Theatre prepared me for the pretense I was playing.

Sat my ass down on the bench. Nephew keeps looking at his phone, but his legs stopped kicking. Since I was considerably taller than him (for now since I know this asscactus would shoot up like a fucking weed and be 6 feet or some shit) and I can easily see what he’s doing on his phone, imagine my fucking surprise when I find that his phone was off. Either he ran out of battery or just decided to eavesdrop on the conversation, I don’t know and I don’t care. Because the next thing I see is this slip of paper that my little nephew is sitting on. Didn’t even put it in his back or anything, just sat on it.

Naturally, I asked to look at it.

And boy fucking hell did the look on his face made me want to go hula-dance into an open flame and burn myself to death. He acted like I murdered his mother when I asked for that paper. But still, gave it to me, not much protest there. Completely slipped my mind that that day was report card distribution of mass execution and crushed dreams. And my little nephew had a 76 in some subject, can’t remember which one, and he looked ready to burst into tears.

Ain’t gonna lie, my fam is hyped up on fucking keeping grades higher than the Everest and a 76 is about the equivalent of some depressing face-to-face discussions on the future and blah fucking blah.

Then, the little lightbulb hovering over my head pinged, just shone bright like a diamond as I was slapped with this epiphany that I never seemed to realize until now.

Nephew was upset because he can hear this mother dragging her child for bad grades and ever since the bastard can speak, he’s been taught that any grade lower than a 90 is bad. And he’s afraid that I was gonna start emulating Bitch!Mom too.

And that look on his fucking face reminded me of the one singular time back in highschool when I actually seriously had a fucking plan for suicide, just had an agenda lying around, a full on battle-strategy on the best way to meet death. As in: should I get the rat poison down in the kitchen, jump off the roof, hang myself on the tree outside our house, bleed out in the bathroom, asphyxiate myself, mix some chemicals to create poison gas and lock myself in my room, starve myself to death, list goes on and on in a specific fucking notebook.

It was this tiny yellow spiral. As in tiny. Munchkin-sized piece of dead tree parts. Barely even bigger than my open palm. And in this munchkin notebook, I had fucking diagrams, lists, and methods on how to kill myself. Ideations of suicide were normal for me, stand in the shower, contemplate on how everything in life is devoid of meaning and why I really shouldn’t be prolonging my suffering anymore, but those were just ideations. Never actually had PLANS prior to that moment. And I fucking remember what happened to make me write out complicated suicide strategies that almost had me get swallowed up by the vast nothingness of death.

Back then, in those miserable days of highschool, I was a junior. 11th grade. About to go on Thanksgiving break and enjoying some lax times because NO HOMEWORK and in school lingo, that meant freedom to play games and binge-read fanfiction without the looming threat of homework lingering in the corner and eating away at my guilty conscience for procrastinating. It was also on a Friday which also happened to be report card day. So I get my report card. The bullshit standard of anything lower than a 90 is failing applied to me back then too, so my fucking horror when I see not one, not two, but three grades below a 90. For me, that spelled out as a death sentence.

Because back then, I actually genuinely believed that anything lower than those impossibly inhumane standards was a failing grade. Despite me still being a fucking shithead mcguffin back then, I actually still had some cares left to give in me. And every square inch of those cares were going into my grades. I felt fucking shit about myself, I should not be getting this, these were fuckall worthless grades. But hey, I used to not lie to my mother. Told her the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so I took the death knell home, readied myself for a funeral dirge to give to myself in the wake of my passing. But my mother always preached about being loving and yada yada and there’s this tiny teety bird in my head that’s telling me “hey, maybe it won’t be so bad” and I start to think that to myself.

Even way before in the past, depression has been haunting me like a bitch. My mother didn’t know. Actually, no one did know that I was grappling with the black wolf all the time. And depression hit me hard that day with the grade bit, and I was hoping for a little bit of condolences from the one singular person who was supposed to stick with me through thick and thin, unconditional love, shit that I was told. After all, even if I did have three shitty grades, everything else was at 100s or 98s-99s. Nothing lower than a 97 aside from the three grades of death. So maybe hey, my mother could realize that I am in fact, not disregarding my education and I actually do give a damn.

I get home, show her my report card, and the first thing out of her mouth is “I’m disappointed in you.” Didn’t even ask me why I had considerably lower grades in those three classes, didn’t ask me if I was struggling or needed to stay after school for tutoring, nothing. Just “I’m disappointed in you.” Just that. Like I somehow brought mud to the family name and shot the dog, shot the neighbour’s dog, blew up the niehgbourhood and spat on my dead grandfather’s grave.

Then she proceeded to a lecture about how “this is for you” or that “you should be grateful you’re getting an education” or how I should “think about all the poor children in Africa” or that “you should stop wasting time doing nothing”. Lecture lasted an hour. Nothing but her telling me how fucking disappointed she is that I’m not getting the grades she wants me to get in THREE fucking subjects.

80 in Algebra 2

76 in Art 3

76 in AP US History

She knows full damn well I’m not good at math. She also knows full damn well that I don’t even eat lunch in school to go to lunch tutorials so I can understand what the fuck is going on with the square roots and shit I won’t ever have to use in the future.

I’m not that great of an artist and MLK season was over there. I’ve never been great at submitting art for the MLK contest my city had every damn year and my art grades always took a nosedive during that time.

The US History bolsters my GPA due to it being an advanced course and if it was a regular class, I would be having fucking 90s in it.

But nah. Disregard all that. Didn’t even acknowledge the time and effort I do put into school, an entire truckload of it. Saw the cracks in an entire road I paved by myself and focused on that instead of the fact that I paved a whole goddamn road.

Then I began plotting the great suicide of 20XX

Obviously, I didn’t go through with it, but seeing my nephew so damn terrified of my reaction to his bad grades reminded me how fucking flawed the education system is, and the result it brought upon families like a damn plague of fear and ruin.

My mother wouldn’t have reacted that way if we could have actually afforded college instead of thrusting the full weight of my education towards scholarships (student loans are the bane of existence and leech off you) and the Bitch Mom™ wouldn’t have had to yell if there wasn’t such a pressure to get into the 1% of students getting into colleges.

I also blame the fucking school I went to, and the school systems in general. My highschool was shit. At least my APUSH class was. Teacher did NOT explain shit to us. Basically just handed us a book, told us to read, and gave us quizzes EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. without ever going over the material with us. We were basically in study hall where we can’t ask the teacher to clarify fuckall to us.

Also. I should not have to know the quadratic formula, or graphing linear inequalities. My target career does not involve math, which is why it is my target career. This kind of shit does not help me in any way and frankly, if I could be emancipated from the burdens of studying for a subject that won’t have any real-world application to me whatsoever, it would have made my school life less like I was repeatedly being stabbed with burning knives in the pancreas and more like me having adequate time to care for my mental health and well being.

(Newsflash, humans need some form of relaxation to stay healthy.)

If I was learning how to balance a checkbook, or pay taxes, or where and how to vote, I would probably do a little bit better because I actually need that shit to function in the real world. Algebra fucking 2 does nothing for me.

And my fucking little nephew is going to have to live through this inane bullshit I did. He’s going to have no idea how to take care of his bills, or how to file for a tax return, but by fucking hell, when he is mandated to take that biology course, he’s going to know that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the fucking cell. On top of that, he’s going to have to sit through a lecture when he gets home.

The execution paper goes in his bag, drove him home, and sure enough, when his mother (and my mother) knew that he had a low grade, they began to fucking lecture him instead of acknowledging the rest of the grades he actually got were fucking phenomenal. Cycle begins again. Hope in the future, if he ever gets the same suicidal ideations I did, that he can also power through it. Because for fucking real, my family needs to chill.

TL;DR: My family has unrealistic expectations, my poor nephew is going to go through hell, some parents are shit, the educational system is a festering cadaver infecting the minds of everyone