#i was gonna do shane + emily but

[imgdreaming]

"why so hyper ?" -the fixater

FIRST OFF sorry for god awful quality i LOVE drawing small but besides that here are a couple notes uh really just on harvey beacuse im menatllly ill about him

originally the ribbon was bandages with blood to make parts look red but i realized

a. it doesnt look the best and b. bro would have to be on a RAMPAGE to keep the tie part of the bandage red like i wanted which uhm very obviously he would NOT do

and on that note yeah ribbon mimicks his tie round his neck this also applies to elliot with the pearls

tried to do a bit more with harvey like give him cloud patterns but was never satisfied and then i was like oh yeah maybe less is more and i was right lol

the green part on his back was originally like APART of him but i guess it could also be moss which is cute i really like the idea no matter what bro is WEARING a COAT + ofc the little slug mustache :3

also thanks tumblr user randomgods for the little tut on their scug shine it looks really nice and it gave me what i wanted w/ elliot sooo tahnk youuu go check his art NEOW !!!!!!!!!

i did this instead of homework EEEEERRREMMMM its also the first thingive like rendered in a bit i think erm

i loovveee rain world :CHEESING:

[theambivalentagender]

Ended up drawing some really quick one-off sketches based on a few ideas stated on discord. Felt like they should be on here too to enjoy.

Yes, I have decided these are both canon. No, I don't know exactly where in the canon. Probably in the near future.

I will probably do more of these - maybe go back to my original "incorrect quote draw" comics for inspiration.

[moonferry]

okay next up on are they/arent they, we have:

the marriage candidates and if they're a big spoon or little spoon. (or if they don't have a preference/prefer a different form of cuddling)

this isn't by favoritism btw im just writing these down as i think of the people

* shane: little spoon. something about him makes me wanna wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his neck, yk? maybe draw circles on his stomach with your finger.

* sam: despite his massive height, hes a little spoon. he absolutely loves being held. can & will sit in your lap. it's like those really huge dogs who sit on their person's lap because they think they're a small little puppy and obviously you let them because it's adorable.

* sebastian: BIG SPOON. he's short but that doesn't stop him. if you're taller than him, he will cling like a backpack. LOVE to bury his face in your shoulder blades . also loves it when people lay on his chest.

* alex: i think he doesn't really like spooning, he likes to lay his head on your shoulder or lap. if you start playing with his hair or massaging his back? it's over for him. literal puddle.

* elliott: i think he's open to both. doesn't really matter - it's up to you. he'll happily do whatever you like, you want to be spooned? got it. you want to spoon him? got it. also likes to lay his head on your stomach - thinks the gurgles sound like the ocean and it's calming to him.

* harvey: tough. i think he's very shy about physical affection - even if you two have been together for x number of years - and he often prefers to sit side by side, his arm around your waist or shoulders. he loves back hugs tho. like you come in from the farm and go into the kitchen, harvey is gonna walk in and wrap his arms around you. if he's taller than you, he'd definitely rest his chin on your head & ask you about your day.

* abigail: oh, big spoon for sure. she's so self assured & powerful. when she spoons you, she feels like she's protecting you & it's honestly very sweet. also she's a big kisser. when you two cuddle, you will be covered in little smooch marks.

* leah: i honestly think she'd be a little spoon. *i saw someone say that leah's ex partner always forced her to be the big spoon and that's why she'd hate it. i'll try to link their post if i find it* she would also enjoy it if you laid on her lap, however.

* penny: both. she'd be more likely to be the little spoon though. i also feel like she loves to face you & bury her face in the crook of your neck, maybe run her fingers through your hair as she listens to you talk about your day.

* maru: little spoon. she just loves to lay in your arms and fidget with your fingers. bonus points if you let her ramble about her newest inventions. oh and gently kiss her shoulders. she would love that.

* haley: Big Spoon. i think - after you get to know her - haley is very affectionate. not pda, just private affection between the two of you. she absolutely loves when you lay in her arms. if you face her, she'll smile softly and run her fingers through your hair, telling you how beautiful/handsome/gorgeous you are. lots of forehead kisses are in bound.

* emily: honestly? i think emily would be either. she absolutely loves cuddling, but can sometimes be overwhelmed by physical affection. i also think she'd like it if you laid directly on top of her while you cuddled - kind of like a living weighted blanket. if she gets overwhelmed, she will wrap herself in a blanket and lightly lean against you

i tried my best to keep these the same length but Some people *glaring* wouldn't stop making ideas come into my head.

also i see why people usually do these in 2 parts there's so many tag options oh my god

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Hi there!

If you still take stardew valley requests please write hurt/comfort with Shane and (gn) reader about Shane getting progressively more worried about the farmer each time they go mining because of all the injuries they get there to the point where one day he snaps and breaks down in front of the farmer. It would be nice if you could show shane slowly loosing his mind each day but that would probably make the fic longer so no pressure. just pls make sure theres comfort after the hurt, bad endings make me sad :(

Thank you in advance, and even if you choose not to write this i hope you still have a lovely day.

I'm always down for Shane angst <3

In my main file I fear he's like this bc I'm constantly coming back from the dangerous mines/skull caverns on like 1 hp at 1:50 am

......

(Spring, Year 1)

"Hi, Shane!"

"God, what do you want now?"

"Nothing. I'm off to the mines." You grinned at the rugged man in front of you, holding up your pickaxe. "I'm shooting for level 120 this time, and hopefully I can pick up more gems along the way."

Shane raised a brow. "...and I care because?"

"You don't have to. Just thought I'd let you know."

'What? Like you think I'll go looking for you if you pass out? Forget it. Whatever happens is your own damn fault."

"I know the risks, but thank you." You politely answered, ignoring his blunt rudeness before checking the monster slayer guide. "The Adventurer's Guild wants me to slay a ton of bats...only 200 more to go."

""Adventurer's Guild?" Sounds stupid and childish." He grumbled, taking a swig of joja cola in his grasp. He was already running late to work, and he didn't want to get yelled at by Morris.

And he certainly didn't want you, the new farmer who made it their mission to annoy the shit out of him everyday, being the reason.

"Well it's neither of those things. It's actually thrilling." You chuckled, before digging an emerald out of your pocket. "I meant to sell this yesterday, but you can have it."

"...the hell? What am I supposed to do with this?" His brows furrowed at the green mineral you shoved into his hand.

"Keep it..for good luck, I guess?" You shrugged. "You can put it in your pocket and forget about it if you want. I just wanted to give you something nice. Plus, not to be weird, but...it kinda reminded me of your eye color."

Normally, any other villager would've been thrilled that you wanted to befriend them with gifts that reminded you of them.....

Yet Shane just stared at you as though you've confessed to stalking him.

"If you wanna give me something that's actually "nice", buy me a beer at the saloon next time." He sneered, brushing past you and continuing towards JojaMart, while you headed north of town, already knowing what you're gonna do tonight.

When you looked over your shoulder, you could see him pocket the emerald rather than throw it away despite him passing by several trash cans.

And you smiled.

.

.

.

.

.

.

(Present Day)

"Awh, you still held onto that emerald even after all this time?"

"Yeah, so what? It was the first gift anyone's really given me.." Shane confessed, heat rising to his cheeks as he held the mineral between his fingers. "I never believed in all that crap about crystals and "energy" that Emily talks about. But..I just like keeping this one around. It's like...erm..."

"A testament to the start of our friendship and eventual marriage?" You cheekily grinned as you polished your weapon, before looking to your husband.

He nodded. "Exactly what I was gonna say."

"I know you so well." Chuckling, you walked over to kiss him on the cheek. "I'm gonna head to the mines, okay? Welwick says the spirits will shower everyone in good luck. I wanna see if the fabled prismatic shards really do exist."

Almost immediately, Shane froze..and he found himself wanting to desperately say "no" and convince you to stay on the farmhouse.

But he didn't know why.

From the moment he met you, he knew you sought adventure and profits in the mines, fighting all sorts of monsters for the Adventurer's Guild. He's seen skeletons, mummies, and golems caged up at Spirits' Eve festivals, but never the wild ones below the surface who attacked you relentlessly.

Yet you never let the constant dangers deter you from exploring.

Mining was exhausting work, yet rewarding every time you cracked a stone open to find a diamond or discovered a treasure chest. With the materials you've gathered, you were able to craft some rings to wear, enchanted with powers to help make your excursions easier and safer.

Despite being well-prepared, though, Shane did have his concerns...especially as once you came home after clashing with skeletons, a scar on your head from a flying femur bone that still hasn't fully healed.

You only went to Harvey to get it checked out after your husband--who was your boyfriend at the time--insisted on it.

Even before that, he'd see you around town, bearing a new bug bite, scratch, burn, bruise, or bandaid on your body.

It never worried him before, but after that skeleton incident, he finally understood that those monsters were real and you were seriously getting yourself hurt.

He'd go to the mines with you if not for his fears that he'll only make things worse. There's a good chance he'll slow you down and find himself getting swarmed by slimes, bats, bugs, and whatever the hell else was there....and he wasn't exactly the most fit to swing a sword or pickaxe.

Simple walks made him tired.

What good would he do?

"Shane? What's wrong?"

Blinking, he snapped out his thoughts and saw your concerned face. "Nothing, sweetheart." He dismissed, giving you a little smile. "Just be careful out there, alright? I'll take care of things here."

"Thank you, baby." Smiling back, you gave him a kiss before heading out the door with your backpack and tools. "Off to the bottom of the mines I go!"

Shane tensed.

"Wait-"

As quickly as the door opened, it slammed shut, and he was left by himself in the cabin.

It was an uncomfortable silence.

'Maybe I should've tagged along.....buh, what am I saying? They'll be fine. They do this all the time. Stop getting so worked up, idiot..' Clearing his mind yet again, he went off to check things around the farm for you, deciding to watch TV later on.

There was gonna be another Tunneler's game tonight, so at least he had that to look forward to.

Nothing like that, some good food in the fridge, and this cozy cabin he got to call home...

And it was all because of you.

If you could build everything here and still having the energy to go mining and fight monsters, why should he worry?

.

.

.

.

.

1:20 AM

After a productive day, Shane managed to fall asleep early for once.

Only be woken up by the creak of the bedroom door.

Light almost immediately flooded his vision, stirring him from his slumber as he grumbled and tried to shield his eyes, wondering what time it was.

"Fuck..morning already-?"

"No, honey..it's...just me. Sorry.."

He blinked, sitting up to see that it was only you coming into the room, removing your rings. One of them served as your light source, yet it didn't hide the numerous scratched and bruises that littered your skin.

And they were all fresh.

"Babe, wha...are you okay?" Shane was now fully awake, watching as you peeled off your jacket and trousers, tossing them into the corner of the room before dragging yourself into bed.

Only then could he see your injuries up close and personal, and his heart began racing. "What happened? You look like hell."

"I'm fine, Shane. I just..need to sleep it off.."

"B-But...there's blood everywhere.." He mumbled, his eyes going to the clothes in the corner. "I can call Harvey-"

"No..don't. I already patched myself up. I'll be fine in the morning..I just wanna be here with you." Smiling weakly, you kissed him, before putting the prismatic shard into his hand. "Look. It exists...haha...it's so pretty, right? It's yours."

He didn't know what to say, staring dumbfounded at the mineral.

What hell did you go through to get this?

And as much as he loved it..why get it for him?

Why risk your life?

But when he looked back to question you further, you were already passed out beside him, looking peaceful despite the wounds on your body.

Eventually, he slid the prismatic shard under his pillow and laid back down, only to hesitate in wrapping his arm around you.

All he could do was gaze at your exhausted face..and the dried blood under your nose.

Least to say, he had trouble falling back to sleep.

..........

Ever since that night, Shane's grown increasingly worried over your safety during your mining trips. And it began to affect his usual routine around the farm.

In fact, calling it "worry" at this point would be a heavy understatement..

It became straight-up paranoia.

Whether you headed off to the mines or Skull Caverns early because of an "extra lucky day" or simply because you needed a specific resource, you'd always come back home the same way:

At later hours, with more injuries and bandages than last time, constantly on the verge of passing out and barely able to hold a conversation with him.

Of course, you'd have breakfast with him, and you'd never leave the farmhouse without giving him a kiss...but it did nothing to ease his mind, as he'd constantly see your wounds and dread whatever horror stories you were about to tell him.

Even though you're perfectly nonchalant as you talk about a serpent who tried wrapping itself around you and squeeze every last breath out of your body, it made Shane feel utterly sick to his stomach.

How could you be so calm after so many brushes with death?

He didn't understand.

On the surface, he seemed fine with you leaving. But when you did, he'd find himself turning to beer to calm his nerves..although most days he was able to resist the urge and occupy himself with farming tasks or video games.

Despite this, he hasn't outright told you anything. He knew mining was your passion and thought you'd chastise him for "worrying over nothing".

So he kept it to himself, thinking his anxiety was being stupid.

Then the final straw came the evening when he got a call from Harvey's clinic around 5PM.

One that he hoped to never hear:

You passed out, and were currently being treated for serious injuries.

He bolted out the cabin, all the way to the town square and damn near broke the door down. There, Harvey, Linus, and Marlon were at your bedside, the latter two having brought you in after seeing you fall unconscious in from of the elevator, covered in blood and shrapnel.

Fortunately, you were expected to make a full recovery with just stitches and some IV fluids to rehydrate your body...but you still owed Shane one hell of an explanation.

This time around, you landed in an "infested" area of the 100s, trying to use a bomb to kill off most of the monsters.

Only to trip over a stupid lava crab and drop the bomb after you just ignited it, damn near losing your leg trying to kick it away from you in time.

And by the grace of Yoba, you were able to limp your way back to the ladder, return to floor zero, where Linus so-happened to be passing by the mine entrance.

You gave the poor old man quite a fright, as he didn't know how much blood on you was from the monsters...or you.

In the end, the bomb left shrapnel in your flesh, searing your clothing and requiring stitches to ensure you didn't bleed out. You appreciated Harvey for his quick work and for Linus and Marlon for taking you to him.

However nobody in that clinic was more terrified over your condition than Shane, who was in disbelief that you were able to stand and walk back home with him after getting discharged.

He wouldn't talk to you, although his hands shook as he helped you into bed, still sleeping beside you like he did every night before this.

But this time...he had the worst nightmare possible.

He was down in the mines with you, except he felt stuck and couldn't do anything to warn you or save you from the impending danger.

It was like he was spectating a game, instead forced to watch as the bats and monsters made of shadows descended upon you with their teeth bared and claws out, tearing into your body. You had yelled for him to save you, to stop being useless, damning him for not stopping you from leaving...yet their horrible noises drowned out any further shouts.

Then you were gone.

You were gone and he failed you.

And it was all his fault.

It made him joltbwide awake at 3 AM, and he felt like his heart was about to burst from his chest. His mind kept going to you, constantly checking to make sure you're still breathing, unable to fall back to sleep for a while.

When he did, he was in tears.

..........

"No."

"Shane, I know last night was bad. But I'm not-"

"You're not going to the mines today. I mean it."

Dumbfounded, you gazed at Shane, who was physically blocking you from leaving the cabin. A scowl was written all over his face.

You sighed and rubbed the side of your head. "It's only the first few levels, honey. Willy needed bug meat for-"

"Right. The "first few" you say, and then I'll get a call from Harvey at 2 AM about you needing emergency surgery again." He gritted his teeth, tears coming to his eyes. "Whatever he or anyone in this damn town needs in those mines can wait. Why can't you just stay?!"

"I don't understand.." Your eyebrows furrowed. "You never cared before if I went there. What changed?"

"What changed....? What changed is that I've been having a lot more of sleepless nights lately! I can barely eat or do anything except worry and worry about you. And it's because...because..." He trailed off.

"Because what?"

"......."

You sighed. "Shane, if you're not gonna tell me what's wrong, then I don't see why-"

"Because you've been scaring me to death okay?!" His hands now gripping your shoulders as he stared at you. "You think you're invincible, but you aren't. What don't you get?! How badly are you gonna let those things hurt you?! Or be the reason YOU DROP DEAD AND DON'T COME HOME?!!" He screamed.

Your own eyes widened, stunned by his words..and eventually you saw the realization flash across his face as he blurted out his true feelings.

The ones he tried to hide from you, yet consumed him for hours upon hours whenever you left for the mines.

It made your heart plummet.

His breath hitched, and you then saw the tears beginning to fall from his greenish eyes.

"Shane..."

"[Y/n], you saved me from throwing my life away. And...i-it's like you're throwing away yours for no reason!" He sobbed. "Night after night, I have nightmares of seeing your limp body..a-and....and I can't save you. I can't do anything except scream and beg them to stop hurting you! But they never listen! A-And...I just...I-I don't wanna lose you. I can't lose you..."

He looked totally shattered, making you finally realize how serious this was.

Your guilt right now was immensurable, watching the man you loved fall apart right in front of you.

And it was your fault.

"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry..." You pulled him into a tight hug, and he completely broke down in your arms. His quiet crying became muffled by your shoulder. "I..I had no idea you were feeling that way. Why didn't you tell me about the nightmares sooner?"

"You would've thought..th-they were stupid. Or that I sound "needy" or controlling.." He sniffled. "I-I know I can't stop you from going, but...I just..a-after what happened to you last night, I...I.."

"Oh, honey..that was my dumb mistake. The monsters had nothing to do with my injuries." Rubbing his back, you gently kissed his head. "I was tired and got clumsy with a stupid bomb..but I promise it won't happen again. You're right. I'm not invincible. I need that reality check sometimes."

He didn't say anything, instead holding onto you tighter.

You never realized how badly your mining trips and injuries were affecting him...affecting this very relationship.

The Shane you met back in Year 1 could care less if you dropped dead. He outright said he'd never go looking for you and that whatever happened was your own fault.

But the Shane you knew now was crying in your arms over the mere thought that one day you'll go into the mines and never come out, holding it all in until he couldn't anymore.

You've really helped him open up to you, but now you were tearing him apart inside and never really knew it until this point.

"W-Will you just..stay here today, please?" He finally spoke, not caring about how needy or pathetic that sounded.

"...I will." You answered. "I'll take a break from mining for a good while."

"....you would do that for me?"

"Of course. I'd do anything for you, Shane. Hell..I'd give that up altogether if you wanted me to."

You felt him shake his head, and you chuckled, squeezing him tightly. "I'm only kidding, but I promise. No more mining this week."

Shane raised his head up, looking to make sure you were serious. And he saw nothing but sincerity in your expression.

You sighed softly and cupped the sides of his wet face, seeing the torrent of anxiety and frustration raging like an ocean current in his eyes. "You must've felt so lonely and terrified, baby..I'm sorry. I won't make you feel that way ever again."

He sniffled again as you brushed away his tears, before taking ahold of your wrist to kiss your palm...where your first scar from a rock crab came from.

How badly did he wanna kiss away every scar those bastards left on you until none remained.

Some faded with time and care, but others were more permanent--testaments to your survival down in the mines..as well as your several brushes with death.

Heat rose to your cheeks, watching him become so affectionate and gentle with you, even though he knows you're not made of glass whatsoever.

Eventually, his tears ceased as you both decided to go lay down on the bed together, with Shane cuddling up to you and resting his head on your chest. All he could hear was your strong heartbeat drowning out the noise in his mind.

It was still kicking, like you.

"Thank you..god, that was exhausting.." He mumbled. "I'm sor-"

"You don't have to be sorry for being honest with me." You reassured, petting his hair. "I just..wish I picked up the signs sooner."

"INah, I should've been clearer...and maybe that would spare myself this headache I got now.."

"Hmm..how about we sleep in until you feel better? Then we can check on the chickens."

Feeling him nod and wrap his arms around you, you took that as a "yes" and chuckled softly, knowing you weren't gonna leave this spot anytime soon.

But that's okay.

There's no other place you'd rather be. Not even the mines.

[pixellilac]

I've been genderbending the Stardew love interests for a potential future mod. Figured I'd share my progress! Meet Elodie and Percy!

I hope you folks like them as much as I do 'cause I'm having a blast with this. I'm gonna keep going but I'm not sure who's next. Any thoughts?

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

Spouses worried because the farmer didn’t come home last night. (Thinking they passed out in skull cavern/mines and nobody found them)

Sure thing. Enjoy, dear anon 😊💕

_________________________________________

Poor Penny, crying quietly, will ask all the residents if they have seen the Farmer. Eventually will walk into the Clinic where her spouse will be sitting bandaged. She will immediately cry louder and hug them. Penny almost goes crazy!

Sebastian will take his handmade obsidian dagger with him and go to the Mines to look for his spouse. But ends up finding Farmer right outside the entrance to the Mines, where they're sleeping. Phew, at least they're okay. The dagger won't be needed.

"AAAAAAAA!" So, with a battle cry, Abigail grabs her sword and goes to rescue the Farmer, since she can't sit still and worry anymore. Scolds them severely when she finds out they overworked themselves and fell asleep outside again, but quickly forgives them.

Yoba, oh Yoba, where is Elliott's dear lover? They haven't returned, though they promised they would. He must do something! Gather people, organize a search. Oh, Farmer! He was so worried about them! Asleep again?! Please, Farmer. A writer's heart may not be able to take this kind of stress....

Shane wanted to simultaneously swear and hug Farmer after they were found unconscious and brought home the next day. He wouldn't be able to stand it if anything happened to Farmer...

Maru knows the necessity of Farmer's dangerous ore mining, but... She can't help but worry about them. And when Farmer returns in the morning, a little battered but alive, the girl thinks of making a robot to mine the ore instead of Farmer.

Naturally, Harvey's heart raced at the fact that Farmer hadn't returned last night. But when they were found, 'super doctor' mode kicked in. First - to cure the spouse, then - to scold them.

Emily is somewhat reassured by the fact that she gave Farmer a charged with good aura amulet and a couple of stones before she left that are supposed to protect them. It's unclear if they work or not, but Farmer, though only by morning, came back in one piece. Phew!!!

Nothing Alex's spouse can't handle. He believes them. But he's ready to snap out of his seat at any second and beat the Farmer off the monsters with his bare hands if necessary. Alex is a little nervous but he believes in them.

Haley tries to think of the good things. Her favorite spouse is a very strong and very brave person. She will wait for them, wait for them to come, for the worried girl to scold them a little and then hug them tightly.

Sam has to go back and forth and find something to do to take his mind off the bad thoughts. The farmer might have stayed a day before, nothing new here. But when they come back, Sam's gonna be all puppy dog-eyed, like, "I was so worried!"

Leah has plenty of tools that can easily be made into weapons, and the brave artist is ready to get her spouse out of Hell. She's a bit worried and anxious, but she'll follow them into the Mines. And she'll get them out of there.

[mysticmikalla]

Bachelor and Bachelorettes from Best to Worst smelling

I don’t think anyone is particular* smells bad but they must be ranked!

Bachelors

Elliot without a shadow of a doubt smells the best out of the boys. You know those people whose hair holds onto their shampoo scent for days? That’s my mans right there. Wears high quality cologne. Godly scent

Harvey - not only does he takes really good care of his hygiene, but he also smells like coffee and a clean doctor’s office. Comfort smell for sure

Alex goes a bit crazy with the deodorant/body spray before and after his workouts but he’s also pretty good about his hygiene and appearance. A very manly musk

Sam - boy next door smell, just smells of soap and like… Pantene lol. Not the best at keeping his laundry always fresh tho. His idea of cologne is just sort of deodorant spray all over

Sebastian - only reason loml isn’t higher is because of the smoking. It lingers onto his clothes and while some people like the smell, it does’t make your breath smell the nicest. Otherwise I don’t think he neglects his hygiene like a lot of people do & smells like generic cheap soap

*Shane - listen I’ve been depressed enough to neglect showering and even brushing my teeth for days at a time. I get it. Don’t think he smells bad per se but can get a bit unpleasant. Definitely bottom of the list. Smell of alcohol doesn’t help either

Bachelorettes

Haley like yall can’t tell me she isn’t the best smelling person on the planet. Youever smell any Moroccan Oil products? She embodies that scent. Go to your local Sephora and smell them and then come back & reblog this bc I’m right

Penny smells like spring, fresh and floral but not overwhelmingly so

Emily is like Haley and Penny where she doesn’t like to feel or look dirty, but she doesn’t go to the extent Haley and Penny do to smell like literal perfection

Maru on the other hand doesn’t mind if her hair gets a bit greasy and doesn’t love to wear perfumes or body mists but she is particular about keeping a good hygene so she also will always smell good

Leah doesn’t care about being a bit dirty after spending the day outside or doing woodwork. Doesn’t smell bad at ALL, has good hygiene but not top of the list

Abigail on the other hand… does not care if her hair is greasy or pits smell after not showering for a day or two. It’s just gonna get dirty again as soon as she fancies a trip down the mines or to stand outside the Wizard’s house for hours on end so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[babiebom]

Where they fall in omegaverse Dynamics (stardew edition)

A/N: no i don’t know what’s wrong with me but now we all get to experience the inner workings of my mind :) enjoy OBVIOUSLY KIDS ARE NOT INCLUDED I was gonna do everyone but decided I didn’t know enough about a lot of the characters so only people I know :)this is hella old btw

Tw: sexual mentions, cursing, some insults to certain characters but like that’s not new here.

Genre: shitpost, headcanons

Masterlist

Alpha- top of the hierarchy. Dominant, and usually in charge. Hot heads and breeders.

Abigail- i think she would be an alpha that acts like a beta or omega. No one would actually know she’s an alpha until she loses her temper or goes off scent blockers or something.

Alex- typical dudebro and will be doing the breeding thank you. I feel like he would be a stereotypical alpha like this is a given.

Sebastian- DONT KILL ME PLS this is kinda biased because I know for a fact that I am literally Penny but an actual person and he is the one I am attracted to so naturally I want to put him here. I am probably delusional but I also think he could take charge so hmph.

Shane- can’t see him being bred bc i think he would be doing the breeding. When he takes control of his insecurities and stuff I think he could be super confident and leader like. Just needs to not be depressed.

Pierre- it’s his personality tbh. Like while I desperately do not want him to be in this category based on how much I dislike him, he would go into this category purely because of how he acts. He wants the most money, he’a the “man of the house” and provider, he has a temper he would just be an annoying alpha.

Kent- sexy hawt military man is obviously an alpha. There is no way he is being bred, there is no way he is going to be the homemaker, being an alpha is literally the only thing that makes sense for him.

Mr.Qi - he gives off alpha vibes, no omega or beta could be this confident and mysterious for absolutely no reason other than just being that way idk.

Evelyn - she gives off the vibes that when she and George were younger they were the “it’s fine/HE ASKED FOR NO PICKLES” couple. I think she could whoop somebody’s ass back in the day.

Robin- she is the woman with a business, she is providing, she is building, she is alpha no question about it.

Gunther- it’s the way he tips his hat idk. Also the way he’s just like “oh you don’t have any cool artifacts? Get out of my face then.” Maybe not that mean but like vibes.

Sandy- HAVE YOU SEEN HER? she is alpha, the would never be a beta or omega that is not her style at all sorry.

Marlon- man kills monsters for a living. Like no omega is going to waste time on that or even do that if I’m honest. Leave monster killing to the people who don’t have other things to do.

Pam- she gives off alpha that had their omega leave them vibes and that’s why she’s a crappy mother because it was not supposed to be her job.

Lance- literally a fighter/adventurer. The man protects and attacks he has to be an alpha, there is no way an omega can do this, and due to him being an active adventurer, and him being protective makes him more alpha than beta.

Olivia- an alpha mother that wants her beta son(spoiler) to be more like her. She active in getting money, or at least I think she has stocks. And she’s more ambitious than I think an omega or beta would be.

Andy-is this because he gives off asshole vibes? Mayhaps. He just seems like he’s an alpha whose family left him so he’s bitter at the world. A corpo slave to so where else would he go?

Suki- boss bitch that actually sneaks into the capital(or whatever it is) and steals and gets other people to give her contraband so she can sell it to bitches at a high price for her risking her life. Would never bow down to anyone.

Beta- in the middle simply because they are neither dominant nor submissive. They do not give off smells nor do they have heats or ruts. Basic people tbh.

Emily- she is just vibes. No amount of sex or heats or ruts or pheromones will bother her. She is above that and is too busy making clothes for birds.

Leah- I think she would literally just be middle ground because she gives off those vibes. Also because I think she could possibly end up with either an alpha or omega, it literally doesn’t matter to her.

Maru- she is literally just science. I am sorry but there is no time for breeding and going feral because of heats, she needs to make this robot and she needs to make it now.

Harvey- I also would’ve put him in Omega but since he is a doctor I feel like that means he is a beta. Like I don’t think alpha or omegas would be able to have this job since instincts and stuff are a major part in how they act. Betas would be able to ignore everything else and just work idk.

Clint- doesn’t give omega vibes but definitely is not an alpha. Like not to jump on the Clint hate train, but he gives off angry beta vibes that wishes he was an alpha. He doesn’t have confidence, and he seems like a loser tbh. He probably wishes he was an alpha to get Emily, or even any girl that he likes, but doesn’t realize that she and maybe even the rest don’t really care if he’s an alpha or not so he’s mad for nothing.

Morris- he is literally just a worker bee. No sex, no love, just working and getting to the top and having money. The man is only ruled by money, no amount of good smelling things and sexy prospects will entice him.

Willy- a man who just wants to fish. He also gives off alpha vibes, but I think he is too comfortable to be around and too chill and level headed to be an alpha. Love him.

Magnus- I think he just magically made himself a beta in order to not have any distractions. Was married once, it was a mistake, he impregnated a person that lives in Pelican Town (*cough* Caroline *cough*) and she went back to her husband so he doesn’t want any other distractions. It’s only time for magic and protecting the town.

Linus- cannot be an alpha or omega and be comfortable living alone in a tent. He is just a nature man and it would not make any sense for him to be anything but a beta.

Demetrius- like father like daughter, the only thing that matters is science he just somehow ended up with a hot wife. She is happy being a provider and he is happy doing his science.

Grandpa- I have no idea I refuse to put him under either because it’s either admitting he is fuckable and submissive or dominant and a fucker. Absolutely not.

Lewis- hate him he has baby balls with how he treats Marnie, yeah he’s a leader being mayor, but no true alpha would act like this. He’s an asshole that is making himself seem like an even bigger asshole in an attempt to seem like an alpha.

Victor- is only ambitious about things he cares about, which is similar to the others on this list. Doesn’t wish to really do anything with his life other than what he is passionate about, like bridges.

Susan- all she wants to do is be on her farm as far as I know. I would’ve put her in alpha but she doesn’t give off those vibes she just seems normal? Like she’s able to take charge but won’t if she doesn’t have to?

Omega - definition of submissive and breedable. At the bottom of the hierarchy and their main purpose is to breed and serve the alphas. Sadge.

PENNY- the literal definition of submissive and breedable. Like yes? This is her actual dream? She would love this.

Haley- has the personality of an Alpha but is not one. Just extremely bratty. The right person will make her submit naturally and not just because of her status.

Sam- sweet boy Sam is deffo an omega. Maybe not super submissive but I think that underneath the childishness he would be a good homemaker. Like I think that his relationship with his younger brother shows that he is on the more nurturing side rather than the I have to provide side.

Elliott- Elliott stans don’t hate me. But he gives off worshiper vibes and not the person being worshipped. Maybe it’s his love notes and letters but I think he would do good with an alpha he could serenade all day.

Caroline- I feel like only an omega could deal with Pierre. She always complains about him working all the time and how he behaves but she never does anything about it. Omega behavior.

Jodi- an omega that hates being an omega. She is in charge of child rearing, and is the homemaker but hates it. Wishes she could be a beta and wishes she could’ve waited to get married and have kids. She is so unhappy this is her biology.

George- Evelyn’s bitch. I’m sorry. But like we all know that George is Evelyn’s sub. Idc.

Marnie- the most obvious out of the villagers that isn’t a bachelorette. Like yearns for a family and marriage and romance. She wants it, she needs it, unfortunately attached herself to an asshole.

Gus- yes he is a business man, but all he cares about is feeding everyone and providing a place for them to Hang out. He is an omega that found his calling in serving people instead of having kids and we love him for it.

Sophia- this girl isn’t Alpha at all. Like bffr she’s depressed, shy, and quiet. And her hobby is cosplay. Girl is one hundred percent an omega. Even though she owns her parents company, I think she isn’t like business motivated, only is happy that it’s this company specifically and allows her to garden idk.

Claire- she is different from the others on this list. Because she is motivated, she wants to be an actress and does work and provide for herself. I think though if she met the right person that would provide while she chases her dreams she would like it. Even her hobbies seem soft to me (reading, ballet. )

[leifygreeens]

brain rot hours 👀? you said nsfw was cool sooooooo what do you think shane sounds like in bed lol

This ask made my brain rot even worse so I did all of the bachelors LMFAO. This is kind of all over the place, and I veered off tangentially on a few of them, but I did my best to stick to the topic. I also went ahead and situated them in (what I think is, anyway) ascending age order, so younger bachelors are first. Some are longer than others but that does not reflect my feelings for them. No favoritism here, bay-bee. Anyway, I hope you enjoy! Thank you very much for your request hkjhlashfiloveu. :)

Warnings: Mentions of sub/dom dynamics, explicit language, GN!Farmer, praise/degradation/dirty talk, a few bits of dialogue, and mentions of oral sex. Enjoy!

Sam

Sam is fucking loud, okay?

Lead singer of a band and you really think he doesn’t have a set of pipes on him?

You’ve reserved your escapades to the farm only, because Haley and Emily would get an earful if you fooled around at his place, and you don’t need any incidents with his family overhearing his loud ass, either

He is loud, and he is shameless, and whether it’s moaning, whimpering, whining, or groaning—you’ll hear it out of him

Mans is versatile

Pathetic is one of the only words I can find to describe how he sounds in bed though if I’m honest

This guy definitely doesn’t have too much experience, so it’s easy to rile him up, and holy fuck if he isn’t sensitive as hell

He’ll make noise even if you're just kissing him

And he’s needy

“You’re too far away, come here” “kiss me more”

This boy has a filthy mouth on him

And he begs like a little bitch lol

“Please, I’m so close, it’s right there, just a little more, fuck please”

If you were expecting him to be a dom you’re on the wrONG BLOG LMFAO

Tie him up and treat him a little roughly, and this boy is drooling with fucking heart eyes, I promise you

But yeah, doesn’t matter if you’ve got your hands on him, if you’re blowing him, or if y’all are fucking, he’s gonna make noise no matter what

When he’s close, his voice gets higher and comes out faster, so every other breath he’s making noise

The only time he’s completely and utterly silent is when he comes

He’s the type to hold his breath when it hits him, and it only lasts a few seconds before he’s gasping and moaning again

And even if all of the attention is on you, and you’re not touching him, this man is gonna be loud

If he’s fingering you? Definitely gonna spill a few curses at how you feel on his fingers

If you let him go down on you? He’s moaning, and lord help him, if you start pulling his hair and forcing him this way and that??

Lights out, goodnight, he is officially gone.

Sebastian

Depends heavily on circumstance, I think

If you’re in control, he’s moaning and gasping, and his voice is so fucking pretty

A little scratchy from his smoking habit, if I’m honest, but it’s still a very nice voice

Especially if he’s the one in charge

And if he is in charge, he’s groaning, and hear me out—he laughs at you.

Not meanly! (kinda meanly) just, yanno

Some slight degradation

“Hah, does it really feel that good? I haven’t even done all that much to you yet and you’re already like this?” 

Hnnnghghffsebastianjustonechanceplease

Probably a little insecure about his voice, but if he knows you like it, that’s all the information he needs

He just wants to make you feel good, so if there’s something he can do to make it feel better, he’s going to do it

That said, he mirrors you quite a bit

So if you’re loud, he’s gonna be loud (what do you expect from him, really? It’s not his fault you sound so good), and if you’re quiet, he’s gonna be quiet, too

He’ll never be completely silent, just because he doesn’t have that kind of self-control, but he’s definitely quiet

It also depends on how heavy you’re going

So if it’s rough, his voice will also probably reflect that: lots of groaning, heavy breathing, some curses here and there.

Soft sex will be quieter, but he’ll also be a little sweeter. There’ll be more praise, probably some “I love you’s” sprinkled in there, and he’ll try to muffle his higher noises into your lips or any other skin he can reach

Overall, I think sex with him will go one way or the other

Sub or dom? Whines or groans? Flip a coin and lemme know how it goes lol

Alex 

He’s the kind of person who won’t make a lot of noise

he’s panting and breathing heavily, and that’s probably it

But he talks quite a bit

And we all know that deep down this boy is a hopeless romantic(hello, ten-heart event!), so his dirty talk def reflects that

Get ready for PRAISE. SO much praise

“You feel so fucking good, baby,” “I’ve been waiting for this all day,” “you’re doing good for me, just like that,” etc.

If he’s really into it, especially when he’s close to cumming, he’ll stutter a lot or just give up halfway through his sentences lmao

Don’t misunderstand, it’s not that he refuses to make noise because he thinks it’s weird

He just prefers the way you sound, yanno? So he’d rather keep it down to hear you better

But if you let him know that you want to hear him more, he’d make an effort to let some sounds loose

But he wouldn’t fake them, and he’s not gonna suddenly start blowing out your eardrums

The first time he properly groans, he feels the effect it has on you

It could be the most pathetic, shaky, and quiet sound ever, but your reaction is immediate

Goosebumps over your arms, subtle trembling/shivering, bro, if you grab him a little bit tighter???? 

and now that he can see with absolute certainty that you enjoy his voice?

His confidence will sky-rocket, and you’ll get wayyyy more noise out of him from then on

He will take the opportunity to tease you about it after you’re done though

“Damn, you like my voice that much, huh?”

I am also a firm believer that he prefers positions with a lot of proximity and skin contact, so lots of missionary, back-to-chest, etc. (he also likes positions where he can show off his strength and stamina, but that’s neither here nor there)

He loves anything where he can press in close and have as many points of contact as possible

Which makes it way easier to dive low and spit romantic filth into your ear, you with me?

Lives for the reactions he can drag out of you with just his voice

It might be his favorite part about sex with you if I’m being realistic

It's nice to see tangible proof that you’re enjoying yourself because of what he’s doing, obviously, but the fact that he can have you reduced to such a mess with just his voice?

This man is absolutely gone on you, I swear

Elliott

Lordt have mercy

I think in terms of volume, he’d be pretty average.

Like he’s not going to drown you out, but he’s definitely not quiet

Having said that

Moans, praise, and sappy declarations of love are his modus operandi

Elliott is a poetic soul: he’s got a way with words, and a romantic heart

Intimacy is important to him, and the more connected you are, the sweeter he sounds

He doesn’t curse nearly as much as any of the bachelors, either

While the rest of them spit filth at you with a good helping of swearing tossed into the mix, he’s a little more classy and eloquent with how he goes about it

“You sound heavenly, my love,” “how was I so fortunate as to meet you,” “so good to me, my precious flower”

what a cheese lol elliott pls i’m begging i would give you everything

One hundred percent convinced y’all are soulmates

And it’s kind of obvious during sex

He hates not being able to see your face while you’re in bed together

Wants to be able to kiss you while he’s making love to you, and will absolutely moan into your mouth while doing so end me

But he’ll be at his loudest when you’re indulging his desire for intimacy

Hold his hand during sex. I dare you.

Cup his cheeks? Tell him you love him while he’s mid-thrust?

Lol if you’re at his cabin on the beach, you better hope Willy took his boat out for some ocean fishing because otherwise, he’ll definitely hear

But enough about volume

Elliott’s voice is smooth like butter, and fairly deep

listening to him fall apart feels like pouring warm honey down your spine

He sounds so good, and he’s not shy about it

Will only beg if he wants you both to come at the same time—otherwise everything is pretty neutral—no dom/sub dynamics, he just wants to make love to you

I wouldn’t say he’s vanilla by any means, but that’s a story for another time

Shane

If he’s in a Mood™, this man is nasty.

Point-blank, no bullshit.

He doesn’t moan, or whine, or whimper—you’d have to overstimulate the shit out of him to get a reaction like that, but unless you’re willing to deal with the consequences, I don’t personally recommend doing that lol yes I do

But for the sake of the ask, let’s say you don’t

Grunts and groans—that’s all you’re getting as far as sounds go

But not to worry, because dirty talk is his specialty

Will praise you while degrading you

“Look at you, drooling and drunk all for my cock,” “Wish you could see how pretty you are, baby”

Hnngf anyway

He’s at his loudest when you agree with him

Sound confusing? Here, have some examples.

“I’m the only one who can fuck you like this, aren’t I?” “no one could make you feel the way I do”

Say yes to anything like that? ^^^

And this man is yours.

He’ll get SO loud, and he’ll dive head-first into dirty talk like his life depends on it

Oh, you thought he was filthy before?

Lmao anyway yeah he’s possessive and likes it when you indulge him

But if he isn’t in a Mood™, and you catch him during a good moment, he veers a little more toward Elliott’s territory

Like definitely still possessive, but less vulgar about it, and not as cheesy

This guy has low self-esteem, and a lot of his insecurities stem from not feeling adequate for everyone in his life—including you

So if he’s feeling a little softer around the edges, and you take the moment to remind him that you’re in it for the long haul and have no intention of going anywhere

He’s groaning praise and loving filth in your ears

Definitely has a breeding kink I mean what I didn’t say anything

Anyway yeah lots of “so good to me,” “can’t believe I got this lucky,” “do you have any idea what you do to me?” etc., etc., etc.

Shane sir my husband my favorite chicken man just one chance please I beg

Harvey

A crier

Lol jumping straight into it LESGO

Pathetic little sobs because he’s so overstimulated and it feels just a little too good

Stutters quite a bit—he likes giving up control to you so he doesn’t have to think, but that often means he loses his ability to speak coherently

this man is so stressed all the time and he just wants you to help him shut his brain off

Is a blushing, sobbing mess

Probably hiccupping a little if it gets to be too much

His crying is probably due to a mix of embarrassment and pleasure if I’m being realistic

But I personally hc him as someone who enjoys feeling a little stupid and sex-drunk, especially because of how much you seem to enjoy seeing him get like that

Don’t get me wrong, when it’s casual sex and not in the midst of a scene, this man is just as loving as any, but there’s a certain empty-headedness he gets when he feels too good

Doesn’t really talk much, again, he can’t think straight long enough to string anything together

If he does manage to get anything out, it’ll be a lot of one-word compliments and simple begging—also he slurs his words quite a bit

“Feels s’good, please don’stop” “please, s’pretty,” “like that, right there—hnngmfuck!”

I am dead

Sex is probably one of the only times he’ll cuss actually

Now I don’t imagine him as a goody-two-shoes-pure-boy-do-no-wrong-innocent-mind

Definitely not

But yanno, he’s not swearing up a storm in his day to day, or accessorizing every other sentence with “fuck” and “shit” like a certain someone abby i’m lookin at you babe

But he’ll definitely lose his filter during sex

My brain has collapsed after this jesus christ

[stardropsaloongossiptrain]

Bachelor/ettes and Cooking

Gonna rank how I think the marriage candidates would do in the kitchen

----

Bachelors:

Elliott -- it takes a while, but once the man has a real kitchen at his disposal and some encouragement to try, I think he would really enjoy cooking and could be very good at it! I HC him as growing up in a wealthy home where he probably wasn't allowed to cook for himself, and then the cabin has nothing... but he remembers dishes he really enjoyed. I like to think he starts cooking just trying to help out once he moves to the farm, and there is DEF a learning curve... but there's a master chef hiding in there. I can feel it.

Alex -- you do not grow up with Grannie Evelyn and not learn how to cook. Impossible. Now, he's not a fancy chef by any means, but he can make a meal without issue. If you get this man a grill, he will 1000% become Grill Master, Kiss the Cook apron wearing Grill Dad. Also, though he rarely does it, he can bake up a storm. Generally only bakes for birthdays.

Harvey -- He can cook, but only cooks healthy meals. He will need to be taught that it's okay to season your food. Brown rice, steamed veggies, and plain tofu/ chicken breasts type guy. Otherwise, it's pre-packaged frozen food. Maybe he can get better w/ encouragement but he's always going to be checking portions and making sure you eat plenty of fruits and vegetables and watch your sodium intake. The most likely bachelor to be vegetarian/ be willing to go vegetarian. Gets nauseated if he's preparing meat.

Shane -- Mid-tier like Harvey, but even though he's had kitchen access he rarely feels like cooking. He knows what seasoning is-- his usual cooking style is the exact opposite of Harvey, mostly family recipes. All flavor, calorie count who?? Loves making food covered in cheese, sauce, or gravy. His chili would win awards, but he only makes it once a year.

Sam -- He could keep himself alive if the box has directions. Anything more complicated than boxed mac and cheese, though, and he gets a little lost. Can help YOU in the kitchen very well, but to be honest he would rather be doing something more exciting.

Sebastian -- The only one who is a worse cook than him is Abigail. He is NOT allowed in the kitchen even to watch. Could burn iced tea.

---

Bachelorettes

Emily -- Oldest sister + working at the Saloon added together means she's definitely going to be a decent cook, but she genuinely enjoys cooking. She loves to experiment with different cultural dishes. She only cooks vegetarian or vegan dishes.

Penny -- She's pretty self sufficient. I don't think she knows too many recipes, but she enjoys experimenting if she moves to the farmhouse. She's very adapt at stretching a budget, and I think she would enjoy making jams/ pickles. Not the big amount the farmer does, but small batches in special flavors.

Leah -- She's a simple cook. She prefers raw dishes, or things like buddha bowls. A lot of texture and flavor. Loves using herbs and edibles from foraging locally. Leans vegetarian but doesn't mind fish from time to time.

Maru -- Maru is proficient at cooking, but I think takes after her dad too much and is very nutrient focused vs what actually makes a good meal. Occasionally makes questionable decisions in the name of efficiency. Could go from making some sort of casserole if busy w/ a project to Extremely Experimental if she has the time. No in between.

Haley -- I considered putting her higher but no. She has rarely if ever had to cook for herself before, so if she's at the farmhouse she will be surprised if you expect her to do anything in the kitchen. Eventually I think she could be fine. It's not hard. She just hates doing dishes. Enjoys baking somewhat, especially w/ Alex.

Abigail -- She eats rocks as a snack and thinks if you just crank the oven to 600 for fifteen minutes it's better than 350 for an hour. Her stomach is alien to this world. Can and will eat anything without issue.

[strdwvlly]

i know a gazillion people have done this already but... i'm gonna post my stardew valley bachelor/ette age hcs + my reasoning hehe

to start this off, i want to say that this is based on what concernedape said about all of them being 20+ but they're also all my personal hcs so i understand if you disagree!

ok that being said, here we go

- maru: 22. she works as a nurse as well as helping her dad with research, i think she's young but not Too young ykwim? demetrius is also really strict so it adds to her seeming young

- penny: 23. it seems like she's been teaching the kids for a few years already even though she hasn't gone to college yet, she also seems older than she is cus she's had to parent her mother :/

- sam: 25. since he lives at home, i think people think he's younger but tbf i know a lot of mid 20 somethings who live at home (me included until recently). i also think jodi and kent had him really young, like 18ish, typical military couple situation

- sebastian: 27. he remembers a time before robin married demetrius so he has to be at least 4 years older than maru, and i think he's a little older because i don't think robin gave birth immediately after getting remarried

- abigail: 23. she's comfortable hanging out with sam and sebastian but definitely seems younger than them, plus she's doing online school which tends to take longer than traditional uni

- alex: 20. to be honest he just seems like the youngest to me, he still wears his varsity jacket and has big dreams of playing gridball and stuff. also a lot of unresolved trauma.

- haley: 22. she's bratty but in a cute tsundere way which makes me think she might be on the younger side. plus she gives me (and everyone else) huge closeted lesbian vibes, so i feel like she hasn't fully come into her identity yet

- emily: 30. i feel like there's a significant age gap between her and haley cus she has second mom vibes and they also seem to have some friction in terms of responsibilities because emily does a lot for haley

- leah: 31. she gives me huge "i hit 30 and realized i needed to change my entire life" energy when she talks about leaving her ex and moving to stardew valley

- harvey: 34. i think he's the oldest, like he doesn't feel ancient but at the same time he had to have gone through med school and his residency so 34 feels comfortable

- shane: 31. he seems older because of the depression and the trauma, but i don't think he's past his early 30s yet, he kinda stopped taking care of himself so it just looks that way

- elliott: 32. he's got big "phd student who abandoned a career in academia to write his great american novel" type vibes, and he's not really self conscious about being very poetic and flowery so i think he's out of his tumultuous twenties

[stardew-otter]

I'm back bitches, who's ready for more chaos

•─────✧─────•

Shane: Yeah, I don’t like people.

Marnie: Oh, well, now that’s not fair, Shane. Have you met all of them?

Shane, taking a swig of beer: I’ve met enough of them. Bunch of assholes.

─────────────────────

Pierre: Damn, the power went out.

Abigail: Don’t worry, I got this.

Abigail: *stomps foot*

Pierre: What the hell are you doing???

Abigail: *Sketchers light up*

─────────────────────

Marnie, to Lewis: I'll be under the mistletoe when you start feeling desperate!

─────────────────────

Sam: Remember that time you dared me to lick a swingset?

Sebastian: No, I said, "Sam, don't lick that swingset," and you said, "Don't tell me what to do," and licked the swingset.

Sam: Good times!

Sebastian: You were hospitalized for a week!!!

─────────────────────

Penny: Oh shoot!

Penny: Excuse my vulgarity.

Pam: I’ll let it slide.

─────────────────────

Shane: So my therapist was talking to me, and she said that I really just need to break down my walls and let people in.

Shane: So I’ve decided to break the fourth wall.

Shane: *looks at player through the screen* Hi there. I use humor as a coping mechanism. You also need a better coping mechanism than this game. It's been 13 hours.

─────────────────────

Farmer: I don’t want to talk about it.

Shane: Good, I don’t wanna hear about it.

─────────────────────

Sebastian: It’s impossible to make a sentence without using the letter A.

Maru: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here’s one more to further disprove your theory.

Sam: Fuck you.

─────────────────────

Harvey: What happened to your nose?

Alex: I used it to break some guy's fist.

─────────────────────

Sam: Did you bring Harvey?

Sebastian, gesturing to Maru: No, but I brought the next best thing. She's still qualified.

Sam: Maru? The next best thing would be Farmer.

Maru: I would be offended, but Farmer is freakishly strong and smart.

─────────────────────

Sebastian: Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle, and explode into bats to get out of all social situations.

─────────────────────

Farmer in Skull Caverns: All of a sudden, I got a random burst of energy, and I think it's my body's last hurrah before it completely shuts down.

─────────────────────

Sebastian: When I first met you, I did not like you.

Maru: I'm aware of that.

Sebastian: But then you and I had some time together.

Maru: Uh-huh?

Sebastian: It did not get better.

─────────────────────

Haley: What’s up with Emily? They’ve been lying on the floor for like….an hour now?

Gus: They're just a little overwhelmed.

Haley: Why?

Gus: The Farmer gave her a new gem.

─────────────────────

Harvey: Anyone else feel good when their brain releases a bunch of endorphins?

Shane: Can't relate.

Sam: Why would my brain release a bunch of dolphins?

─────────────────────

Gus: One time I went to hand the Farmer a bowl of soup. I wanted to say “Careful, it’s hot!”, and “Here’s your soup!”, so instead I blurted out “Careful it’s soup.”

─────────────────────

Sam: Be right back, gonna hit the toilet for a quick power sob.

•─────✧─────•

My brain is half dead

[fkapple]

as a fellow Shane x Emily fan, your drawings make me sooo happy, but I've also have to ask, thoughts on Clint?

yesss there are dozens of us!

sooo Clint. He's an awkward Nice Guy chump for sure, but I don't think he's the malicious incel Emily stalker some of the fandom makes him out to be, or whatever bad faith read of his character people believe.

He's just kind of frustrating I guess- like, he's one of those passive but resentful types who can't quite see inward enough to do the work to be less miserable. His need for external validation is, y'know, valid and human lol, but it impedes his ability to work on his sense of self so he's forever chasing the fantasy of falling in love and having someone else do that for him. But that's why his occasional self aware, deadpan interactions are funny and make me like him lol. I just wanna shake him I guess.

Regarding him in my comic....he's such a non-fixture in Emily's day to day life that it felt unnecessary to have him there? Like, I wasn't gonna go for a love triangle in this lol. It'd be all in his head anyway. To Em, he's a quiet but nice regular she sees every day and that's sorta it. I probably should do a comic from his POV at some point tho......

[moonferry]

welcome to a segment i like to call "are they/arent they" where i list a category & some stardew valley characters and debate whether or not they actually would be that thing. potentially nsfw text?

first up, non marriageable npcs and whether or not they are a dilf/milf:

marlon: obviously. there's no debate here.

the wizard: yes. no further comments.

linus: no. that is my best friend d right there i will not "go into his tent"

lewis: absolutely NOT. that man is greasy.

marnie: you know what? yeah. she is. in more of a "rich wine aunt you see at parties twice a year" way.

kent: do i even have to say anything? yes hes a dilf 100%. makes me think of that gg audio that's like "im a truth seeker, i seek the truth..."

jodi: yes but more in a "IM GOING TO MAKE HER MY GF" kind of way.

robin: .... seriously guys? do i need to answer this? (the answer is yes btw)

demetrius: no. but he'd be nice to sit and have a chat with, he can ramble about his experiments to me <3

pierre: honestly a strong maybe, but im gonna say no because his vibes are abhorrent.

caroline: yes. caroline was the first npc i became friends with so she's always a yes <3

george: no. don't even ask that.

evelyn: NO. that's my sweet granny im gonna make cookies with her.

sandy: i mean she has the potential but i don't think she's old enough to be considered a milf? it's a maybe but a definite yes in the future.

gus: hmm.. im gonna say maybe with high yes potential. i mean he can cook.

willy: i know this one is likely gonna get split 50/50 between you guys but it's a no from me. that's my uncle figure. he literally calls me his skipper and i go YEAAAH!!!

clint: ❌❌❌

gunther: yes. i just wish we could actually talk to him tho.

gil: hmmm.. it's possible. this is a maybe.

pam: no </3 love her but not like that

now, onto the marriage candidates and whether they are a top, bottom, or switch. here's the nsfw text. feel free to skip or read, it's up to you.

shane: dominant top. i just can't see him as submissive im sorry guys.

sam: submissive top. literally just wants to make it enjoyable for his partner, probably likes to be praised. u tell him good job? hes gone.

sebastian: power bottom. he knows what he wants and isn't afraid to let his partner know.

emily: trick question. she's asexual.

haley: dominant top. i don't really think i need to explain this.

penny: bottom. please treat her nicely or she'll cry.

harvey: SWITCH. he has potential for both, but i feel like he'd be more on the gentle side. maybe slightly more submissive depending on the situation. (#menwhowhimper)

maru: i feel like shes a tough one. on one hand i can see her as asexual, but on the other i think she'd be a switch. i think it fluctuates for her & she goes through periods of sex repulsion & hypersexuality.

leah: dominant switch, but i feel like she'd be more open to topping. muscular women .. ooogh.

elliott: another switch. he is literally open to anything & everything.

abigail: ooh another tough one. im honestly not sure possibly bottom? she'd also be open to top of you asked.

alex: *cracks knuckles* oooh you see those big muscles and personality and think "top" right? wrong. that man is a submissive bottom. he also has a tendency to allow himself to get overstimulated because he wants to "see what his body can handle"

[groovy-rat-man]

reasons i would or wouldnt date/marry the stardew marriage candidates

Alex - im playing as an afab farmer for like the first time and holy shit im surprised he hasnt smacked my ass and told me to smile more, hes getting better but also ive been feeding him cookies from his grandmothers trash can as recompense

Elliott (?) - hes a cool guy but also VERY gay and tbh i dont know if im a dude or not so im just gonna let him be, plus I think id rather be writing buds

Harvey - havent married him yet but I really want to one of these days, he seems like a sweetie!!

Sam (?) - I think hed make a cool roommate/bff but I just dont see him that way idk

Sebastian - just vibes, I kinda fuckin hate him a little bit

Shane - reminds me of my dad a little bit except younger, dont like it

Abigail (?) - I dont know why I dont like her, shes cool but idk

Emily - just not my type I guess, plus I 1) ship her with Clint (sue me) and 2) am dating her sister

Haley - god I love her so much, when I first started playing stardew I just fell head over heels for her man (also she looks like, acts like, and HAS THE SAME NAME as the first girl I ever had a crush on so ya know)

Leah (?) - mega lesbian, kinda in the same boat as Elliott except I would 100% date her like in real life so it's complicated

Maru (?) - fucking adore her but mostly platonicly I think, also I lowkey ship her with Penny

Penny (?) - shes real sweet and I do like her character but I dunno, also same thing as maru

Krobus - fuck yeah we love Krobus, queer platonic partners for live baby!!

[lily-alphonse]

for ur rare pair challenge, have you done Shane x Haley yet? I’d LOVE to see it

HEHEHEHEHEHE oh theyre both so rude its fun

Theyre actually SO primed for a bunch of romcom tropes I love such as

Fake dating

Dating on a dare/ losing a bet

Trapped and forced to work together to escape

Frump to fab makeover

OR MAYBE EVEN A COMBINATION PERHAPS

We have a makeover AND fake dating because Haley needs Shane for something and literally no one else is able. I would say willing and able, but Shane isn't willing either. She has to bribe the hell out of him and convince him that he will be able to get whatever girl he wants after this or something.

OH GOD THIS GOT SO LONG LMAO I got writer zoomies about it so I'm going to summarize and save what I wrote to hopefully write someday (pls pls pls)

Major influencer event soon in Zuzu, Haley's big break as an influencer, needs a plus one for driving and so she doesn't look like a friendless loser (which she actually kind of is, cuz she's too catty to hold down more than Alex and her sister, and Alex is away)

Begs everyone in town before getting to Shane, who only relents cuz money, he recently lost his job at Joja

Makeover part 1 she waxes his eyebrows and its insane and funny cuz he starts bleeding. Shes screaming WHY ARE YOU BLEEDING and hes like IDK WHY DID YOU MAKE ME BLEED and its a fucking mess and we just cut to Emily in the kitchen or something just regretting her entire life and getting up to help

Shopping montage my beloved AND we get a scene where fans recognize her at the mall and Shane begins to see what this is all about and we learn about her online persona and everything

He strongarms her into doing something for him that's just an excuse to make her suffer (like a day of farming) and she DOES she's miserable and covered in mud and breaks a nail, which at first Shane makes fun of her for, but when she starts crying and shows him she's bleeding he flips on a dime to serious and taking care of her

He tells her about a time Jas was hurt because of his negligence and he was beside himself. Discuss alcoholism?

She stays for dinner and the whole family have a little campfire and marshmallows and Jas falls asleep cuddling Haley (she fucking loves Haley cuz she looks like Barbie lol)

Makeover part 2 cuz Shane has been growing out his beard per Haley's requirements and she takes him to an expensive barber to get his hair and beard done, and at last his transformation is complete

D-Day arrives. Haley is super anxious and Shane is kind enough to give her a pep talk about it as they drive to the event.

At the event, the plan was always to ditch Shane if she found someone better. That was part of the reason to bring someone she didn't care about. All she needed him for was a ride and a photo-op before entering.

SHIT GOES DOWN AT THE EVENT (I'm not gonna spoil this one I really want to write it)

My logic behind how their characters fit together: He teaches her about not caring what people think. She teaches him that life doesn't just happen to you, you have to build it for yourself. They both struggle with self-worth in their own ways. Haley bases her self-worth on metrics she believes are objective; like beauty and number of followers. Shane on the other hand is great at not caring what people think, but that's mainly because he's already decided he's worthless.

This is one of my FAVES so far I really hope it makes it to the poll, but that is all up to you guys!

This ask is a part of the (now closed) SDV Rarepair Challenge! Check out the other answers here, and make sure to boost your favorite so it can appear in the final fic poll! More info on that here.