#i was gonna do a song parody but no these lyrics pretty much express what it is

[biblicallyaccuratepigeons]

Beyond this physical terrain,

There's an invisible domain

Where angels battle over souls in vast array;

But down on earth is where I am,

No wings to fly, no place to stand!

Here, on my knees, I am a stranger in this land!

[numetaljackdog]

what i'm listening to 4/5/2023 (song notes under cut!)

spot. link//yt link

Laura Les - Haunted: haunted. by laura les.

100 gecs - Dumbest Girl Alive: yeah there's gonna be a fair few new gecs tracks in here. dumbest girl alive is my favorite from 10k, i can't even express how much it just hits every time. i love the riff, i love the lyrics, i love the music video, i love the production, love it love it love it. i also included a minecraft parody i found when searching the video on youtube, you're welcome

Black Flag - Revenge: i've been trying to rediscover my love for some of my favorite hardcore genres, so i took it all the way back to the early days and reconnected with one of my favorite bands. i encountered this song in high school when trying to find clean black flag songs that i could put in a piece i was writing about the history of metal (which the band is not, but hardcore is significant in the history of the genre anyway). it's a great thrash-and-basher and apparently has not been in my playlist until now, which i was unaware of lol

The Beatles - Strawberry Fields Forever: once again i must admit to listening to the beetles.... alas. look it's a really good song, the lead-in to the chorus is fucking amazing, the instrumentation is really interesting and unique, it just washes over you like waves of sound. plus it's goofy as hell

Jaga Jazzist - I Could Have Killed Him In The Sauna: from the INSTANT i heard the intro of this track i was like ohhh that's going in the next WILT. i don't have a ton to say about it, just listen. it's good sounds to chew on. shoutout io

100 gecs - Billy Knows Jamie: i freaked the fuck out when i heard this track, no joke. which is funny, because i'm pretty certain they played this when i saw them last fall, but i didn't have any frame of reference at the time for whether it would sound the same on the record. i just kept thinking "they did this for ME. SPECIFICALLY" because like hello??? i'm the nu metal gecs fan!!! that's like my whole thing!!!! and this literally sounds like limp bizkit half the time!!!!! i honestly kind of wouldn't mind if the breakdown at the end had been a little more restrained, just to preserve the feeling that it's 1999 all over again, but whatever. it cums. it's also about violence and killing, so i even get a little bit of like juggalo vibes almost

Fiona Apple - To Your Love: this song sounds so sexyyyy like maybe this is out of pocket but when this came on shuffle on a singer-songwriter playlist i was browsing i literally stopped what i was doing and was just like 😳😳😳 it's insane. and like when her voice gets all growly at one point later in the track... anyway haha

Marnie Stern - Prime: found via that coolass video i reblogged a while back oh god let's see if i can find that. holy shit i can't believe that worked. i don't know anything about marnie stern but i should listen to more because prime knocked the wind out of me it's good

100 gecs - The Most Wanted Person In The United States: last gecs track... and it's more rap rock!!! kind of. did you guys catch that cypress hill sample? i sure did!!!! love itttt. plus there's more killing it's so awesome. i've already said most of this stuff to violet (hi violet) but for real i think "got anthony kiedis suckin on my penis" is one of the all-time greatest bars and i'm not joking

DJ Lycox - BILLIE JEAN (DIOR): a lot of music from people on here this month! one of my mutuals (who probably won't read this but if you do. hi :3) posted this track and i really love the original pop smoke song so i was like right what's all this then. it's good. that's what it is then

Bruce Springsteen - Born to Run: i was reading this article about bruce springsteen being a sort of icon for butch womanhood and that had me like wow i am feeling emotions right now. and so i went and listened to some springsteen and you know what he rocks. there's something so desperate and heartbreaking about his songwriting, it hits me in a real way. and i've never even been to new jersey

Ada Rook - 920LONDON: new rook album ooh yeah babey. not my fav record she's ever done but still really fucking good. this song kind of reminds me of everlong, which like. girl who's only ever listened to everlong by the foo fighters listening to her second song: getting a lot of everlong by the foo fighters vibes from this. but still it's about holding each other close and making the most of what we have in our rapidly passing time, plus the riffs are kind of similar in ways that i don't feel like fudging musical terminology to try and describe

Sarah Vaughan - Lullaby Of Birdland: cool jazz can be kind of whatever but y'know i'm a vocals girlie and sarah vaughan honestly probably deserves to be listed up there with the greats. her vocal control is insane, and the way she just drifts from her higher register to the lower and back again is hypnotic. good fucking song plus shows props to charlie parker

May Leitz - gODKILLER: another from tumblr, thanks to user bigbaywindow for directing me towards may leitz ^_^ i have been rocking with several of her songs but this was the first one i listened to and it's really good, the lyrics hit me in a certain way as well that some of you might guess. also while putting together the youtube playlist i discovered that may makes youtube videos including one that i've seen floating around my recommended page a couple of times?? so i guess i'll have to see what's goin on over there

The International Sweethearts Of Rhythm - Vi Vigor: am i like. crazy. i would have SWORN that i put this in a previous WILT but i can find no evidence of that being true. in any case this is a cool kinda bebop-inspired jazz piece by an all-woman jazz ensemble who i wanna listen to more of. there's some really great sax work on here especially, so if you're into that def check this one out

Girls Rituals - Hole/The Used: okay funny story on this one. this was the first song i ever heard from any of devi's projects, it was before i even really knew who black dresses was. this song appeared in my release radar and i was like "who the fuck is this" and i'm convinced it only happened because the title is the names of two bands which i WAS already listening to at the time. and i listened to the song and said "this is really bad, and i don't understand why anyone would listen to this." and then i mostly forgor about it. skip forward to recently - i am obviously a big fan of devi's work and plenty of other projects adjacent to this. i get a big new batch of songs in my playlist (hello again to violet shoutout violet) and this song is in here. i listen to it. it's good :) take that, me from two years ago

The Buggles - The Plastic Age: the mandatory Todd Find™ for this month. i was watching the one hit wonderland episode on these guys and honestly didn't pay attention too closely bc i was busy but this song stuck. you guys know i'm all about that campy futurey cyberpunk-adjacent shit. it would be a stretch to say this fully gets there but it's still a fun song either way

Cage The Elephant - Cigarette Daydreams: lame song honestly but the chorus is super catchy plus there's a story. when i was working my old job there was a supervisor i liked a lot who played a wide range of tunes on shift. sometimes it was chill instrumental stuff, sometimes it was metalcore, and sometimes it was like this sort of radio alternative shit. this song specifically would play a lot, as you can imagine, and at the time it annoyed me, especially because of how catchy it is, it would make me think of work. but now both that supervisor and i have left, and so now it just reminds me of vibing with them and making the most of being on the clock. a cigarette daydream indeed

Jason Segel & Walter - Man Or Muppet: i don't know, man. i've had this song stuck in my head since i was eight years old and one day i randomly thought "i wonder if that's on streaming" and it is

[lsobelevans]

Horror tropes? In my Roswell, New mexico? It’s more likely than you think!

In this essay I will...

...be mentioning a few horror/thriller movies and while nothing explicitly gory or scary will be shown in this post, those movies definitely contain scenes and themes that can be disturbing/scary/triggering, do your researches if you’ve got doubts!

...be focusing on the Maria and Alex road-trip, from the moment the car breaks down to the last scene with Travis’ twin. I’m probably going to be led to briefly mention the other scenes that are intertwined with this arc (the echo date and the Planet 7 Kyle and Isobel scene, as well as the marlex car drive when I feel like it is relevant). 

...be approaching specific themes that are used in the scenes that compose this little arc and also more general ones like sound, editing, cinematography and color. 

... be reaching a lot. I do not think everything I will be mentioning is 100% thought-out and voluntary (although you never know). But I’m a firm believer that in filmmaking, yes even inside a CW show, the symbolism comes through subconsciously. So like, maybe they didn’t mean to use corn field as a mark for transition, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that this symbolism works with the story they’re telling and for the journey the characters are in that moment. Additionally, lighting, decor and costumes are always a choice, just like the camera doesn’t position itself randomly, someone’s behind and thinking of the composition of shots that, even if it’s in a basic way, has meaning.

... be starting chronologically but I’ll also make jumps backward and forward, grasping on themes when they come up. Ok, then, let’s dive in! 

This episode references and uses a lot of the iconic mechanisms of the horror movie genre. Alex and Maria’s comfortable road trip atmosphere, open hearted conversation in the car, breaks at the same time as the car itself breaks. The camera, steady so far, the shots following a well known pattern of shot/counter-shot, becomes more unpredictable and shakier and suddenly we’re out of the car, and bam, large shot. 

From the moment they’re out of the car, you won’t be able to see the horizon. Maria and Alex are stuck in a corn field, and they’re stuck in the frame. 

Then poof, Travis appears out of nowhere, accompanied with a pang of music, frightening us and them. Well, more exactly, it cuts on a shot that we’ve seen before without Travis, now with Travis, which gives us the appearing out of nowhere effect. 

Alex says it best.

Well now they’re stuck with a strange guy with an axe, and in a corn field 😬

Hey, have you seen he’s got an axe??? or do you need a close-up???

Okay, this scene ends there. So, let’s take a break and talk about cornfields. There’s many examples of horror movies making use of a field of corn as a location, famously Children of the Corn (1984), Dark Night of the Scarecrow (1995) Signs (2002), that last one also involving, you guessed it, aliens. 

Screenshots from the Signs trailer.

Corn fields are strongly associated with rurality, especially rural America. More largely, they can represent renewal, fertility or abundance. In the contrary, they can be seen as a very ominous location due to their immensity, a labyrinth in which you can’t see very far away and from which you’ll have trouble coming out. 

Although I’m pretty sure Maria’s chase in the cornfield is more of a reference to The Shining (1980) it reminded me of one of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite movies Tom à la ferme (2013), in which Tom is basically held hostage in rural Canada. The corn field chase is a turning point, the last of Tom's attempts to escape. 

Cornfields apparently also often imply scarecrows, which are inherently scary in my opinion but we’ll talk about it more later. 

The next scene takes place inside of Travis' cabin. 

The lighting here is pretty low, the light coming from a few small sources, creating a lot of shadows. The main color is a greenish/yellow which can be associated with nature and earth, rurality, dirty, suffocating. If we look at it, the color scheme of the entire road trip is very much following this pattern of browns/yellows/greens because of the cornfield and the color of the characters costumes (the exception being Maria’s truck which is a bright red). In opposition, the scenes that are intertwined are either blue and orange for Max and Liz or a lot of pink/blues/purples for Isobel and Kyle in planet 7 (bi bi bi).

The cabin is messy, supposedly reflecting the state of the owner’s mind. We get a nice close-up on meat + a knife and all of the creepy skins on the walls. Also, it’s noticeable that from this moment on, the camera is shakier, we experience different angles too. 

We are given many visual clues that something is wrong. 

I’m gonna pass on the sound of the sound of the cow parodying a werewolf + the vampire diaries inside joke. 

Btw, if the fact that Travis names his cows -- that he skins for a living -- like human women isn’t enough for you to think mmmm. we are in danger. Well, don’t worry. The cw spells it out for you!!

We know Alex! We got contextual clues!

Right after this, Alex and Maria make another direct reference to being in a horror movie situation. 

ALEX: This is why I don’t like horror films. The gay guy always dies first.

MARIA: ???? 

ALEX: Or... second. Okay, that’s fair. That look, that’s fair. 

I think this bit is interesting, because not only does it denounce an horror movie cliché (the black person of the cast dies first, the queer person is second) but also in this situation I believe it can be see as kind of a callout on the fandom’s behavior that i’m not gonna spell out for you but yeah. Fellow queer people, don’t forget you’re not the only one who is sometimes badly/unfairly represented. 

Moving on. In the next scene, Alex is searching the cabin for clues, and we are also given some about Travis. 

Either he has a twin brother or he’s got a framed picture of himself on his wall. Oh, and he’s military.

Then Travis startles Alex and plays a little bit of banjo, which is a good excuse to stop and talk about music. The show uses a lot of diegetic music aka music that is present in the universe of the story, that the characters can also hear. It justify the use of said music and it ties the audio with the picture.

The banjo already is heard at the very beginning of the arc during a cut from the planet 7 scene to the road trip scene. We get a few notes that indicate a change of scenery and that helps smooth up the transition, and I’m pretty sure it was also supposed to be diegetic music coming from Maria’s radio. The banjo, like the corn field, is super linked with rurality and rural America (again!)

Another reference of the banjo in horror/thriller would be Deliverance (1972).

I can’t not think of this movie when I hear banjo unfortunately. 

The way Travis plays, aggressively bad, and while singing I Think We’re Alone Now, is supposed to make you think about that scene in The Umbrella Academy be quite unsettling, another point for isolation horror. 

So sweet of Travis to attack Alex with a guitar, and then a smol knife, and not with the axe <3. 

Then we’ve got a traveling zoom-in (or equivalent I’m not sure it isn’t a steady-cam here but the effect is the same) on Maria. This kind of effect can feel a little bit over-the-top and dramatic, in a old genre movie kind of way. It is usually used to bring the audience in, make it feel like you’re evolving in the same universe as the characters (here you’re walking toward Maria). In a scene where you should feel scared, it can be a mean to make you feel more engaged, as well as underlining Maria’s expression, her fear. In my opinion, this is also a way to tell you that from now on, Maria is the main character of this arc, the one that you will be following after the commercial break (that occurs right after) and making it more suspenseful. 

The scene after the break is the start of the corn-field chase. Travis steps out of the cabin, the cuts are faster, many close-shots, some even out of focus, that accelerate the rhythm, and a long fade-in of a new song: a modern, electronic song (Kim Petra’s Close You Eyes) completely in opposition with the acoustic banjo and with the atmosphere of the scene, which makes it strange and makes you think oh, what a weird choice! (at least it did for me lol). The lyrics, however, go very well with the scene. 

I feel it coming on You've got nowhere to run There's no way you'll make it out alive

Yep. 

We find out right after that the music is in fact diegetic but for Isobel and Kyle, it’s another use of music to ease a transition between 2 scenes that are different in every possible way. 

Now, the corn-field chase. As I mentioned before, I believe it’s a direct reference to The Shining’s ending chase scene where Jack Torrance chases his son Danny through a vegetal labyrinth with an axe. 

From the shots to the lighting (from behind or on the side, making the characters look like silhouettes) both scenes are very similar. Also, Travis is styled like Jack Nicholson ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Oh look, Michael’s here to save the day!

Oh well, guess not. 

Yeah, in this scene, and like we’ve been shown before, Maria is going to be the one that saves everyone. The racist cliché of the black character dying first in a horror movie is reversed, Maria is the last one standing. The scarecrow (that looked conveniently a lot like Maria) is supposed to play in favor of the bad guy, it’s a scary element, creating confusion and unease, but here the character decides to basically take it into her own hands and bend the rules. This character says i’m not that archetype, and she’s going to be using the horror movie tools against itself. 

Lastly, the final horror movie recurring theme that I’m going to talk about is the twin/the double. 

Yes, twins is a spooky tool used in horror movie because their similarities make them unsettling, uncanny. 

There’s also the idea that if one were to replace the other, you wouldn’t be able to tell. The impostor is a very scary concept that Roswell has also dealt with before. 

I can’t be the only one that has been traumatized by that halloween special of the Simpsons where Bart has an evil twin... 

It’s the last twist of the arc, there is a bad!Travis and a good!Travis. The bad one kept the other locked-up somewhere and had taken his place. 

It’s particularly interesting for Roswell that has a history with twins/doppelgänger, and that since the original show. It is a clear instance of in-world foreshadowing here! (howdy)

My conclusion about all this is that the people who worked on 2x06 had a great time building the episode and it shows, while also making it enjoyable to watch and yeah, we love to see it! 

[duhragonball]

I think I’m just gonna ramble a bit-- nothing earthshaking-- so here’s a nice, unrelated picture of Cooler to set that up.

I managed to get through Camp Nano in April with about an hour to spare.  I’m still frustrated with my pacing, because I’ve gotten pretty good at finishing the November writing goals with time to spare, but I always end up falling behind on the shorter goals I try to do during the rest of the year.   July is up next, so I’m kind of hoping I can turn this around by then.  

April was difficult all over, so I’m trying to use May to chill the fuck out.    Somehow I find that hard to do.  Like if I’m relaxing, I just get bored or feel unproductive.  That’s one reason I’m writing this post.    I just want to get some thoughts out of my head so I can move on.

For whatever reason, I got sucked into watching YouTube videos about the Nostalgia Critic and his various blunders from 2012 to present.   That sounds pretty sad now that I write it out, because I never followed the guy that closely, so I keep forgetting the hellacious filming schedule discussed in the Change the Channel movement happened years earlier, and the movies themselves were ridiculed as debacles, so it’s not just one bad year, more like nine or ten.   Anyway, watching all of this has given me some stuff to think about.  

I think I first heard about the NC when he started doing that “feud” with the Angry Video Game Nerd.   They did some videos together teasing a crossover, and then they finally went through with it, and it wasn’t terrible, but I had no idea who the other guy was.    It was like Batman teaming up with some indie comics character you never heard of.  Batman doesn’t need the rub.   From the beginning, I got the sense that Nostalgia Critic was the one driving this concept.  Once I heard about Channel Awesome and all these YouTube reviewers crossing over with each other, I was sure of it.  

Looking back on it all, I get the sense that NC has never really had much of a creative agenda.   His early work involved “reviewing” movies by playing long clips of them to recap the plot, and then making some snarky commentary.  Not the worst format, except he kept getting copyright strikes from YouTube, which was why he started his own website to host his videos.  Over the years, it feels like people have begun to recognize the flaw in that format.  Past a point, you’re not really “reviewing” anything.  It’s more like an MST3K style thing, only shorter and less authorized.  

Years ago, I used to read this site called “The Agony Booth”, which sort of did the same thing but in text.   Before YouTube really got going, the only way to lambast a movie or TV episode properly was to meticulously describe it in prose, with the occasional screenshot here and there.   Nostalgia Critic probably represents a point where people realized they could do the same thing in video form, except it starts to cross the line from commentary to something else.   Siskel and Ebert never did a blow-by-blow synopsis of a movie.  �� Reviewers like the Agony Booth crew did, because they were often discussing old material, and couldn’t show it to you or assume that you had seen it yourself.   A lot of NC’s early stuff was the same deal, where he’d recall something from his childhood and rewatch it to see how it holds up in the present.  So I’m sure a lot of his content covered old, out-of-circulation things.   But he’d do more recent stuff too, and the attitude surrounding YouTube at the time was that you could pretty much do whatever you wanted as long as you kept it under ten minutes. 

Anyway, the Channel Awesome thing looked like an alliance of similar YouTube reviewers, and they kept appearing in each other’s stuff, and then they did the anniversary movies, which were basically “mega crossovers” with all of them appearing together in the same... story, I guess?   At the time, I wrote the whole thing of as a masturbatory power fantasy.   Comic books did crossovers like these all the time, and YouTube seemed to have hundreds of “reviewers” and “personalities” who would put on silly costumes and carry toy weapons like they were about to fight Thanos instead of discussing the ALF cartoon.   The second Channel Awesome movie was about high fantasy tropes, and the third one was a space opera, so that seemed to support my assumption.

From watching all these videos about the movies, though, it looks more like each one was mostly about the Nostalgia Critic talking all his “friends” into another one of his kooky schemes, and they all just sort of go along with it, even though they know him to be a self-centered jerk.   Then the third one ends with NC quantum-leaping out of the story itself and meeting Doug Walker, the guy who writes and plays the character.   They try to sell the audience on the idea that NC had some sort of character development across the three movies, and he decides to sacrifice himself to save the day or something.   This was touted as the finale for the character.   Except it turned out later that Doug Walker wasn’t just playing a self-centered jerk, he really was a self-centered jerk, because he treated the others like crap during the filming and didn’t tell any of them that he was killing off their website’s top draw.

That leads into Demo Reel, the series Doug Walker introduced to fill the void.   From what I’ve seen, it sure looked like he wanted/expected this to be a big hit, and he killed off his biggest meal ticket to make this happen.  But everyone hated it.  I think the pilot episode asks the question “What is Demo Reel?” about three times.   Each time, the answer makes less and less sense.   “Demo Reel” the show is about a studio named “Demo Reel”, run by Donnie DuPre, a self-centered jerk who seems to think there’s big money to be made in plagiarizing movies.   The whole thing is just a flimsy plot device to explain why Doug Walker and two other actors would bother making a no-budget parody/re-telling of three Batman movies smooshed together.   There’s no real-world or fictional reason for three people to do this, it’s just that Doug Walker wanted to make a YouTube video about Batman, but he didn’t want to use the NC format, and he couldn’t just talk over a Batman movie without getting in trouble with Warner Bros.   And I guess just... dressing up like Batman and making jokes needs some sort of context, so that’s where the Demo Reel concept comes in. 

What really annoys me is that Demo Reel has this “mockumentary” thing going on at the same time, so you end up watching their parody movie and the scenes where they make the parody movie, and you get these interview segments where they talk about talking about making the parody movie.   It’s like “The Office” except every character is completely delusional.   They’ve all convinced themselves that this is a really good idea, and I guess the joke is that this is a really stupid job and they must be pretty stupid to work at it.   

No one knows where Demo Reel was originally headed, because it was so reviled by the audience that it got cancelled in five episodes, ending with the revelation that Donnie DuPre was the Nostalgia Critic all along, in some sort of amnesiac state.    Or maybe that was the plan all along, I’m not sure which scenario would be dumber, honestly.   New Coke was a sincere effort to phase out the original Coca-Cola formula, but it was such a failure that everyone thinks it was a brilliant ploy to make consumers appreciate the original.   So who knows?

Anyway, this started the next phase of NC, where he would just remake scenes of whatever movie he’s covering that week, a la Demo Reel.    I don’t know if that’s just a strategy to avoid YouTube copyright strikes, or a stubborn refusal to give up the core concept of Demo Reel, or what.  Then he got around to Pink Floyd’s “The Wall”, and everyone crapped on that, big time.   I haven’t seen the original movie or his “review”, but from what I gathered, Doug

a) basically did a shot-for-shot remake of the movie, only shorter and cheaper.

b) spent the whole video lambasting the movie and the band for making it.

c) offered his parody songs for sale on iTunes, calling them a “love letter to Pink Floyd.”

The big question is: Why did he put so much work into making the thing when he had so little to actually say about it?   There’s no clear opinion expressed about the movie, even though the video is supposed to be a “review”.   He kind of acts like he thought “The Wall” was okay, but the parody lyrics read like the awkward part of a celebrity roast.   Why go to all this trouble unless you really love or absolutely despise “The Wall”? 

Eventually, I started to figure out that this guy really just doesn’t have much to say.   He wants to make videos, make movies, make reviews, but it doesn’t seem like there’s any real opinion or thought that he wants to express.   I was watching him freak out over the credit card scene from “Batman and Robin” and thought “Are you that upset over Batman having a credit card?”   That’s not even in the top twenty dumbest things in that movie.   Sure, it’s worth a snide remark, but not much more than that.  But he’s “doing a character”, and the NC’s whole schtick is to flip out over stuff like that.  

Except it’s not a character, because NC is just Doug Walker wearing a stupid hat, right?  In the movies, NC’s whole persona is that he’s a self-centered jerk who treats his friends like a personal army, and the real Doug Walker was doing the exact same thing off-camera.    Donnie DuPre was another “character”, wearing a different hat, only whoops, he’s the Nostalgia Critic too.   And even if he wasn’t the same guy, his persona was... you guessed it, a self-centered jerk who treats his friends like a personal army.  

There was this whole era on YouTube where it seemed like all these “content creators” were trying to adopt silly gimmicks.    I’m guessing the Angry Video Game Nerd started the trend, because he dressed up in a white button-down shirt with a pocket protector and glasses.   He looked like a stereotypical nerd, you see.  And he’d drink a particular kind of beer, and lose his temper and set Nintendo cartridges on fire, because AVGN was a character.   You watch James Rolfe being himself and he’s a whole other person, always smiling and talking about horror movies and filmmaking, because that’s what the real guy is about.   There’s a separation there.  

I think that was the disconnect.   A lot of these YouTubers saw James Rolfe playing the Nerd and just assumed the secret was to rant and rave about some topic, and he used a Nintendo Zapper to shoot a pickle monster once, so dressing up like a Power Ranger in a trenchcoat didn’t seem like a bridge too far.  Well, no not if you’re trying to make a movie or tell a story.  If all you want to do is talk about Star Wars, you should probably keep it simple.  I think one of the consequences of Nostalgia Critic’s fall from grace is that modern YouTubers are more grounded.   I’ve watched a lot of Jenny Nicholson videos and she’s pretty funny and animated, but she’s not trying to be a charicture of herself.  She’s just this lady sitting on her bed surrounded by porg dolls.  It works a lot better.   

I used to watch the Game Overthinker unironically.   Does anyone remember Moviebob?  Well once upon a time he wasn’t completely bonkers.   The GO series was reasonably well done and uncomplicated... until the dude started appearing on camera and introducing “characters” and storylines that killed whatever point he was trying to make in his video essays.   Then I started watching him ironically, and then I sort of stopped caring about him altogether, and then he pissed away whatever goodwill he had.   I can’t help but feel like he might have been better off just staying behind the camera, or if he had to be on-screen, just sit on a bed with a bunch of Mario dolls or whatever. 

The fad of YouTube personality as wannabe superhero got me thinking of the whole “Mary Sue” and “self-insert” thing.   They’re really poorly defined terms, and they’ve been overused in so many unfair criticisms that I don’t think they make much sense anymore.    When I first got into fanfic, I saw a lot of people simply writing themselves into their stories.   That’s what a self-insert was.    You literally inserted yourself in the story so you could tell Wolverine to his face that his haircut looks stupid, or whatever you wanted to say to him.    I always found this idea infuriating, because I know who Wolverine is, but this other guy telling him off is a complete stranger, and why should I care about him?   Why should Wolverine care? 

One response to that problem would be to present your self-insert like a bigger deal than you are.   You could put yourself in this story and not only talk to Wolverine, but give yourself an elaborate backstory, where you’re a high-ranking S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, and you and Logan go way back, etc., etc.   But that’s a tricky proposition, because if you’re doing it right, you’re just inventing a new character with the same name as you.    Or you can overdo it and make the character too big a deal, at the risk of outshining the other characters.    The Mary Sue concept originated from this, with Star Trek fanzines getting all these story submissions about young, super-talented ensigns who join the crew and immediately win over Kirk, Spock, and McCoy. 

The dirty little secret of character creation is that every character you write is a self-insert or an author surrogate, to some degree.   You can have one that’s meant to be your alter ego, the one who’s based on you and tends to react the way you would in a similar situation.  But you’re writing all the other characters too, and deciding what they think and say and do, so to a certain point they also think a lot like you do, whether you meant for them to or not.  The trick is not to be super-blatant about it, or to revel in the creative freedom to break the fourth wall.   Readers hate that stuff, because they don’t know you well enough to get the joke.   

That’s the advice I’ve always had at the ready in case anyone ever asked me.   But, watching all this stuff about the Nostalgia Critic has made me realize that it applies from the other direction.    It’s very easy to say you’ve created a character, distinct from yourself, only for it to turn out to be more of a reflection of you than you intended.   I can’t tell if Doug Walker is self-aware or not, but it seems like the joke with all his “characters” is that they’re extremely selfish and shallow, and yet he seems to also be selfish and shallow.  So is he aware of this, and he’s trying to exaggerate his flaws for his characters?  Or does he just not realize that he’s telling on himself every time he plays these roles?   Or does he think everyone is selfish and shallow, and that this is just boilerplate information, like blinking and wearing shoes?

I’ll pick on myself, because it’s handier to do so.   I’ve made a bunch of original characters over the years, some that were supporting players, and others who were designed to be big deals.    One of my villains was this bitter misanthrope, and eventually I realized that I was a lot more like him than the outgoing group of buddies that he was trying to oppose.    That hit me and I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with that ever since.  

I wrote a butler in my Hellsing fic, basically an anti-Walter based on Marcus Brody from the Indiana Jones movies.   He was clueless and couldn’t stand the sight of blood, and he was really old, so he told the vampires that if he ever had a heart attack and dropped dead on the job that they shouldn’t pass up the free meal.   Is that me in there?   I tend to think a lot about the world moving on without me, and my own obsolescence.   I just didn’t think I was tapping into that when I wrote the character.   I wouldn’t even bring it up, except I liked writing the guy so much, and that’s the main thing I remember about him.  

A lot of my villains in Luffa are representations of things that I’d like to see punched, because Luffa is an unapologetic Mary Sue Self Insert.    I made her all these other things that I’m not: brave, a woman of color, a good cook, a charismatic lover.   But fuck that, this was all just a ploy to keep people from noticing any resemblance to me and my imaginary punching agenda.   But the villains hold all these shitty attitudes and shitty behaviors, things which I consider to be wrong but sometimes catch myself turning a blind eye to.   Jealousy, greed, fear, resentment, and so on.  

You end up putting a lot of yourself into your writing, there’s really no way to avoid it.  The only real trick is to disguise it a bit so it looks like a story instead of just an essay or an autobiography.   I think that’s where some of the YouTube personalities got it wrong, because they would try to tell a story AND write an essay at the the same time, and that’s tough to pull off.   One of the big things that came out of that whole Channel Awesome document was this problematic scene in “To Boldly Flee” where Linkara has been replaced by a cyborg duplicate, and he converts Lindsey Ellis into a cyborg, and someone hears all these suggestive noises and thinks they’re having rough sex.   It’s awkward anyway you slice it, but it gets even worse because it’s basically the real Linkara and Lindsey Ellis.    Their “characters” are so poorly distinguished from the real people that there’s no other way to describe it.  

Also, one of the most salient points I picked up from watching all these commentary videos is that real people can’t have character arcs.   You can’t just stick Filmdude and Captain Snark and Filmdudette and Movie Sniffer and The Comics Complainer all into the same scene and expect anything important to happen to any of them.   They can’t learn anything or grow in any appreciable way during the story, because they’re real and the story is fictional.  The only “character” to their roles are the bit where they review pop culture stuff, which might as well be non-fictional, so why bother?  Even if I’m wrong, and there really is a more complete fictionalized version of everybody in the Channel Awesome Trilogy, the waters are so muddied that you can’t make sense of it. 

And that’s the real danger of leaning too hard into putting a 1:1 replica of yourself into your stories.  Stephen King can be a bus driver in one of his movies, and Stan Lee can be a bus driver in Avengers 3, but if Stan Lee just started kicking the shit out of Ultron it’d be confusing, especially for people who didn’t know who he was.  And if Joss Whedon started kicking the shit out of Ultron, it’d be even worse, because he’s not as well-known as Stan Lee.   You’re better off making up a guy like Thor or the Hulk who can do it for you, and then putting just enough of yourself into those characters that you won’t get caught.  

At least, that’s how I see it.  

[charcolor]

ok how do you come up with song ideas? what’s ur process? i’ve always admired how quickly and consistently you put out songs. i have to like scrap most of mine and do a billion iterations and it takes me forever enfjgjg

i'm glad you don't mind that i make songs fast sfsfsf...sometimes i feel guilty that i don't spend enough time on it so i'm glad they still sound good

my process kinda depends on what the song is...idk how to explain how i come up with song ideas. usually if it's something i think about a lot i decide to try to express it as lyrics. um some examples are

grieving my deceased loved ones and having episodes where i believe god is trying to hurt me specifically -> developing a grudge against hypothetical god and thinking things like "i want to go up there and kill god" -> "hey a song about killing god would be pretty cool. also my gf has similar feelings to me so it should also be gay" -> fallen angels mafia

i kinda want to make a song that gets marked as explicit on the vocaloid lyrics wiki -> also i've been having a lot of intrusive thoughts about my eating habits + body image too. i should vent this and twist this to be as graphic as possible so they can become edgy lyrics -> feast upon a starfish is in fact marked as explicit on the vocaloid lyrics wiki.

wow that one scene in the animaniacs 2020 it parody episode was kinda intense i can't believe they showed yakko warner having a panic attack on screen -> not to read too much into animaniacs but i wonder if the warners ever have an existential crisis about becoming obsolete and forgotten as cartoon characters and effectively erased from existence -> yes "i never liked silent cartoons" was originally gonna be an animaniacs fan song.

a lot of times when i write lyrics i just vent about stuff and then twist it into a weird metaphor so it's not so on the nose.

like a line from one of my songs (little girl) is "drown it out with melting sugar" which basically means "i eat Bad Foods to cope with my sadness." another one is "hollow bones rotting my dreams" which was an extremely convulted way of saying "it makes me upset thinking about how gross my teeth probably are." a lot of lyrics in little girl are just me feeling guilty about my bad eating habits.

also i have too many OCs so i end up thinking of their storylines and wanting to express them in songs bc that's the only creative expression i can rely on. as much as i'd like to make a valentine's day visual novel i don't think i have what it takes but i made rip valentine so i can at least talk about the characters in that context yknow?

unfortunately i'm not super good at storytelling in my lyrics so i havent really made any other songs about OCs (starfish and lalia don't count cuz i made them specifically for their respective songs) but i am working on a song series about some of my OCs and i also have vague ideas about songs i'd like to make in the future such as (these are all working titles):

the magical girl moral dilemma: song about kira and diana's duty to protect the world from evil vs camille's belief that evil has to exist in order for the world to have balance, and the utopia they're fighting for can never exist without hurting people

friday the 14th: sequel to rip valentine about alicia's fears that ciel will get hurt, and ciel wanting to help alicia feel safe and loved

uh. and more

btw i ALSO have a bunch of scraps i think it'd be fun to share them sometime...

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #294

“maybe it’s not too late to learn how to love and forget how to hate”

Is your bed big enough for two people? Yes. What is your favorite board game? I like Battleship. Have you ever been hospitalized for more than 2 weeks? I think one stay at the psych hospital stretched over two weeks, maybe three. I don't remember. When was the last time you heard someone scream? Irl, probably at some point visiting my sister's family and my baby niece was upset. If you include via audio, a couple days ago when watching Egoraptor's Kingdom Hearts 2 stream. He's a Loud Boy. Who was the last person to call you baby? I have no clue. Why did you last go to the airport? I was going home from Sara's. Have you ever showered with another person? Not since I was a little kid with my sister. Is there something you are keeping a secret from your parents? I mean, nothing major. There are small things I don't tell them, though. Are you able to forget people easily? FUCK to the NO. What disgusts you about bathrooms? Sharing a toilet with literally anybody. Have you ever had gum stuck in your hair? I mean maybe at some point, but I don't think so. What was the shortest amount of time you’ve known someone before you’ve dated them? If you’ve never been in a relationship before, do you watch Scrubs? I knew Jason maybe two/three weeks before he asked me out. We clicked so damn fast. Don’t you hate it when people talk about their relationships constantly? It can become a bit much. I have (had?) a friend who did this profusely to the point it was pretty impossible to have an actual conversation, and then she fell off the face of the planet. Being in love is an absolutely amazing thing, but like... that's not all you can talk about. Do you enjoy old movies? Yeah, there are some great ones. Do your neighbors annoy you in any way? Someone a few houses down has a dog that NEVER shuts the fuck up. I don't know how it doesn't lose its voice. What was the last party you were invited to? A Halloween party hosted by my friend Summer a few years ago. It was a good time. Are you honestly happy with your life right now? N O P E Do you find it fun to pray for people? I don't pray, but even if I did, "fun" seems like the wrong word. Generally when you pray for someone, there's something negative going on in their life, so like... I think "fulfilling" is maybe a better word? Has your mom ever crocheted you a blanket? My mom has deadass been working on a massive blanket since she was in her 20s (maybe even a tad younger), and she's at the tail end of her 50s. She works on it less than once in a blue moon. She started with the intention of passing it onto her kids. Do you regret letting a certain guy slip away? Debatable. It's questionable if I ever would have gotten competent help without Jason leaving, and if I didn't, what if he finally had enough when we were already married with kids (that's what I wanted at the time, anyway)? That would have broken me even worse. What show did you want to be on as a kid? Whatever the Nickelodeon one was where you got slimed lol. Do you have regrets? Of course I do. Does anyone really know you? My mom and Sara, at least. What song do you want played at your wedding? It depends on my partner and songs we consider special. Are you a fan of Taylor Swift? No. I do, however, love me some "Love Story." And you are LYYYYYYINNNNNGGGG if "Picture To Burn" doesn't make you feel like a Bad Bitch. Would you ever dye your hair unicorn colors? I would DIIIIIEEEEE to do that in pastel tints. I wish my damn hair took color well... I have literally only had ONE very effective hair dyeing experience, when my friend spent hours turning it red. It stuck for MONTHS. List 3 of your pet peeves. 1.) Turning tragedy into a competition; 2.) making mental illnesses "trendy;" and 3.) elitists of pretty much anything. Do you type fast? Very. What do you like to put on your pancakes? Typically just maple syrup, but I'll put butter on them if given it at a restaurant. Have you ever accidentally drank spoiled milk? I've taken a sip and immediately realized and spat it out. Have you ever had your heart broken? More like shattered into incalcuable pieces. When you were 3, was your natural hair color the same as it is now? No, I was dirty blonde. Have you ever received a scary message from someone online? Yes, I'm pretty sure. What does your first name rhyme with? "Infamy" is close enough, ig, if we're excluding other names. Do you have freckles on your face? No. I did as a kid, though. Who is your favorite Lisa Frank character? Probably the angel kitty (I had a coloring book, even), but they're all SO pretty. I love Lisa Frank stuff. Does your family always have your back? My mom and dad do, at least. My older sister does, meanwhile it's hard to tell with my little sister. She's not very affectionate and expressive of love to the point I question a lot if she even likes me. What type of wedding do you want to have? Gothic! Are you more of a leader or a follower? A follower, within reason. I'm definitely not a blind one. Do you know anyone with a profession in law? Quite a few, actually. Have you ever Googled yourself? Yeah, at some point. Do you have a regular vacation spot, or do you always go somewhere new? We don't really go on vacations. It's not an expense Mom can really afford. Where were you working 10 years ago? Nowhere. ... 5 years ago? Still nowhere. ... 1 year ago? Nowhere. What's the shortest amount of time you've had between relationships? Like a day. I know it sounds bad, but I left Girt already knowing I loved Sara, and I didn't really have anything to heal from. As a child, what comfort foods did your parents make for you when you were sick with a cold or flu? We'd have Saltines, chicken noodle soup (which I never really liked), and ginger ale. What's your favorite art style? Probably hyperrealistic fantasy stuff. What time period is considered to be your country's 'golden age?' I don't know, I'm not a history buff. Have you ever done LSD? I've never done any drugs. Are any of your coworkers currently out on maternity/paternity leave? N/A What is your favorite parody movie? Maybe the Paranormal Activity one. I barely remember it, though. What kind of first impression do you hope others have of you? That I'm kind and friendly and really care about their feelings. Do you have a good sense of balance? NOOOOOOOOOO. I stray like a motherfucker when I walk. Have for many years. It's weird. What is your least favorite ice cream flavor? Strawberry, ugh. Does your car have heated seats? No. What's something that has been in your local news lately? I don't watch it. What's your favorite internet meme? Oh, I have no clue, I love memes lmao. What is the strangest pizza topping you've ever eaten? Nothing, really. I'm not very adventurous with pizza. Can you name any books or movies where all the main characters die? Not off the top of my head. Do you live alone? No, I live with my mother. What’s the grossest thing you’ve encountered in/at a fast food joint? *shrug* Do you swallow chewing gum? No. Do you ever get goosebumps while listening to songs? EXTREMELY easily. Like that is so, so regular, be it from the lyrics, the singer's voice, or just the music. Are there any amusement park rides you refuse to go on? Why? Most, really. I get dizzy way, way too easily and don't want to faint. What is the best roller coaster you’ve ever been on? I'm afraid of roller coasters, so I can't answer this. Never touched one. Don’t you think black jellybeans are icky? Ugh, YES. What was the last thing you measured with a ruler? I helped Mom use the long, flexible kind to measure the couch because she was gonna move some furniture around. What’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen? Oh, I'm sure the mountains when driving to Tennessee. I was too young to remember it well, but I can never forget that I marveled over them. Would you rather have a Playstation or Xbox made console? I'm a Playstation gal. What if you were watching COPS and saw your significant other on there? I'm... not gonna lie, if it was Jason for doing something stupid and not, like, murderous, I'd probably cackle. Have you ever tried to write to any celebrities? No. When was the last time you blew bubbles? I ain't got a clue. Have you ever stumbled across a beehive? More like wasp nests. What food(s) make you cringe? Quite a lot, given my extreme selectiveness with textures. More than anything, probably egg yolk. Have you ever played an automated 20 Questions game and beat it? Ha, I actually had one of those! I have, but damn was that hard. Have you been to a restaurant where they cook the food in front of you? Yup, Ichiban. Pretty cool. Do you feel that presidential campaigns make people too competitive? I mean, no. People care about who is going to be the head of their country. Do you find Family Guy hilarious or offensive? Neither. Do you still write letters to people, even though there’s e-mail now? No. Have you ever had an accident involving a microwave? Ha, I'm a travesty of a cook, so yeah. I remember on one occasion I accidentally dialed in many minutes for popcorn and entirely forgot about it. Safe to say I didn't eat it. I've split hot dogs in there, and I'm certain there's more. Do you like the movie Forrest Gump? I adore that movie. One of the best films ever imo. Can you handle heat well? I honestly doubt you'll meet someone who handles it worse than me, especially physically. I have severe hyperhidrosis, so I will literally sweat like a pig in 70* weather. I absolutely cannot handle it. Do you smoke weed? What are your opinions on its legalization? No. Legalize it for at least medicinal purposes. Have you ever had a school shooting at your school? HA, I can promise you my high school must have at some point. Are you usually the first to do something, or are you more of a follower? I don't pay attention to this. What is your favorite way to eat a potato? Fries, yum. Are roses your favorite flower? No, but they're high on the list. Have you ever been to a horse race? No. I think they're abusive anyway. Do you like lobster? No. Have you ever swam in a lake? Yeah. There's one lake I swam in that was so clear you could see pretty far and just watch the fish and turtles. Have you ever convinced someone to show you their private parts? "Convinced"????? That's fucking coercion. I've seen people naked, but not by fucking pressure. What is the greatest treasure you have ever found? My older sister found a cracked amethyst geode once. Idk where it's at now, but I hope she (or we at the house, depending on where it is) finds it at some point, though. My niece has come to love smooth rocks and pebbles, and I think crystals would blow her away, never mind one that size. Do you eat beef? Regrettably. Are you good at card games? I mean, what's the game? I'm not exceptional at any I can think of. What is your favorite musical? I don't like musicals. Did you ever play the Oregon Trail game? Omg yes!!! I LOVED playing it as a kid, especially the 3rd one, I think? Do you watch It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia? No. Who is your favorite country singer? I actually do enjoy Tim McGraw pretty consistently, but I don't actually seek out his music. Do you know anyone who is Mormon? An old best friend was. Do you like grunge? Yeah. What’s your favorite kind of cheese? American. What’s the most historic thing that has happened in your lifetime? Most likely Covid. What’s your funniest story involving a car? It's not hilarious, but once we were behind someone whose license plate said "omw" lmao. What scientific discovery would change the course of humanity overnight if it was discovered? Well, a proven Covid vaccine. Do you think that humans will ever be able to live together in harmony? Nope. What’s the scariest non-horror movie? Idk. What’s the most amazing true story you’ve heard? I'm not sure. What’s the most awkward thing that happens to you on a regular basis? Having to explain my Mark tribute tattoo lmao. What was one of the most interesting concerts you’ve been to? I've only ever seen Alice Cooper, and while it was great, "interesting" seems like the wrong word. Where are you not welcome anymore? Probably Jason's house, at least not by him. Or Colleen's, probably. Idk how she feels about me by now. What’s the most recent show you’ve binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender w/ Sara. What’s a common experience for many people that you’ve never experienced? Paying bills. What’s the smartest thing you’ve seen an animal do? I kid you not, our first cat would look both ways twice before crossing the street across our house. (Please do not allow your cats outside.) She'd do it even more when bringing her kittens there too to hunt. Chance was truly incredible. I could really give a lot of examples of her intelligence. I also had another childhood cat (my favorite before Roman) who would respond to a certain clap pattern I'd do if Mom let me bring him inside. Wherever Charcoal was wandering, he'd come running. What’s the dumbest thing someone has argued with you about? Oh, I'm sure it was RP-related stuff as a kid. What’s the longest rabbit hole you’ve been down? I'unno. What’s the saddest scene in a movie or TV series? Possible spoiler warning for a super old movie??? Probably when the main character of Old Yeller had to put the dog down because of rabies. But I cry like a bitch easily, so maybe there's something that tears me up even more or just as badly. What odd smell do you really enjoy? None that are "odd," really. What’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild? I've seen a mink once when fishing with Dad deep in the woods. What’s the best lesson you’ve learned from a work of fiction? Oh, I don't know. I'd have to think for a while & I don't feel like it. What food do you crave most often? Probably ice cream. Who in your life has the best/worst luck? I don't know about best, but my mom absolutely has the worst luck. Which apocalyptic dystopia do you think is most likely? A meteor, maybe? If you had a HUD that showed three stats about any person you looked at, what three stats would you want it to show? I'd want to know if they were criminals or just dangerous. What’s the funniest thing you’ve seen a kid do? Oh, my niece is so funny. One of the things that gave me the biggest laugh (and was most adorable) was this time I was taking family pictures for Ash at a local lake, and Aubree went running into the gazebo, span around totally like in a princess movie, and exclaimed, "It's enormous!" She is such a darling. If people could read your mind, what would they usually find? Just how bored I am, memories of Jason bc trauma, lamenting my disappointment in myself, "why is Mark so perfect," worrying about Sara, thinking of RP character developments... What celebrity would you like to meet? Mark. 100%. I would die to just thank him (if I could get words out, oof) and hug him and try not to soak his shirt in tears lmao. Do you need money to be happy? Don't bullshit me, you wouldn't be happy homeless because you can't afford a home. So to a degree, yes. What's a good idea you've had recently? Hm. What gift would you like to receive? At this current moment, Cloak's (Mark and Jacksepticeye's clothing brand) limited edition "life after death" design for a shirt. It is so fucking pretty, and I love the nature focus. What are you most excited about right now? Honestly? Getting my laptop back. I wanna play WoW lmao. What's your favorite song from a movie? Maybe uhhhhhh was "Supermassive Black Hole" actually written for Twilight? Where would you like to volunteer? I very, very badly want to volunteer to take pictures of animals up for adoption in shelters for like their social medias and stuff. I've asked like the two local places, but no bites yet. What's the last song you listened to? Metallica's cover of "Turn The Page." What's the last YouTube video you watched? I'm watching Gab Smolders play SOMA. Fantastic game.

[ryqoshay]

How to Handle a Nico: Santa Faux Pas

Primary Pairing: NicoMaki Words: ~1.6k Rating: G forward with a T finish Time Frame: Late in Maki’s college career and early in Nico’s idol producer career. The couple has recently moved into an apartment together. Story Arc: Stand Alone

Author’s Note: I wanted to post this scene earlier in the month to match how it takes place before Christmas, but alas, fate had other plans. Que zura zura.

That said, this is the second scene I am posting sans links, in hopes that HtHaN will start showing up in Tumblr’s searches. A followup post will provide links to the rest of the scenes for those who wish to read other chapters.

Oh no…

Nico’s eyes widened as the lyrics sprayed out of the earbud.

How could she have been so careless? She had become so accustomed to sharing music with Maki over all these years that she hadn’t thought twice about handing over the earbud.

Just a moment ago, Nico had settled down next to her studying girlfriend. She had opened her laptop to browse her favorite idol sites but paused to set up her mp3 player. It came as no surprise that Maki asked about her current playlist and Nico had replied that it was one filled with Christmas song parodies.

After so many years of hanging out with Maki in December, Nico was all too familiar with the redhead’s obsession. And while she had eventually come to see it as endearing, there was still only so much holiday music she could stand. Thus, over the last few years, Nico had compiled a fairly sizable list of parodies that helped her keep her sanity.

Maki had rolled her eyes at the explanation but held out her hand anyway. And on reflex, Nico had obliged. She had then waited for her girlfriend to position the earbud properly before hitting play. How could she have not foreseen the tragedy that was to unfold not even half a dozen songs later?

Nico winced as the lines were repeated. What should she do? Hitting the pause button might draw attention, and ripping the earbud from Maki’s ear was even more obvious. But what else could…

Did Maki just laugh?

Hesitantly, the idol producer glanced over at med student. Sure enough, there was an amused smile on the other girl’s lips.

“Maki-chan?” Nico asked before thinking better of it.

“Mmm?” Maki looked up from her textbook.

Stupid! Stupid! You just called attention to yourself! Now you have to say something! Something that doesn’t give away… that…

“Oh, uhm, nothing…” Nico fumbled.

Maki raised an eyebrow.

“I just heard you laugh and…” And now she’s going to think about why… Welp, that’s it. Nozomi and Eli are going to kill me. That is, unless Maki-chan’s parents don’t get to me first…

“Well yeah…” Maki chuckled again. “That was an amusing song that just played.”

Did Maki-chan miss it? No, that’s impossible. The chorus repeats it too many times.

“It was a playful jab at people who still believe in Santa.” Maki shrugged. “Nothing wrong with…” Her eyes widened as she realized something. “Oops…” She managed to get out before laughing.

What.

“But… you… I thought…” The pieces scattered in Nico’s mind.

“Still believe in Santa?” Maki smirked unexpectedly. “No, no.” She shook head. “Not for years, Nico-chan.”

“But… when?”

“Second year in high school.”

“What?!” Nico practically shouted, almost bolting to her feet. Startled by her own outburst, she quickly sat back down and mimed some calming gestures while taking a deep breath. “But all this time I thought…”

“I know.” Maki nodded. “In my defense, it was Nozomi’s idea not to tell you.”

“Figures…”

“And in her defense, I was more than happy to go along with it.”

Nico scowled at her girlfriend.

“Consider it revenge for when you tried to tease me for still believing in high school.”

“That was one time!” The raven-haired girl protested, holding up her index figure to emphasize the number. “And I…” she paused briefly to consider how to put her thoughts into words “didn’t later because I guess I got used to it after that; even started to think it was cute.” If a bit exasperating at times… She left that last part silent.

“You thought a college student believing in Santa was cute?” The redhead snorted a bit.

Well, that didn’t have the effect she had desired. More often than not, Maki would blush and be thrown off her game for a moment when Nico called her cute. The younger girl usually only avoided getting flustered when she was confident that she had the upper hand. Thus, a different approach was warranted.

“How?” Nico finally asked.

“Hm?”

“How did you find out?”

“Well…” Maki’s eyes turned up as she recalled. After a moment she took a breath and began. “It kind of started with you, Nico-chan.”

“Nico?” The older girl pointed to herself. “You’re saying it was my fault?”

“No.” The younger girl shook her head. “Well, actually…” she smirked again “maybe it kind of was?”

“...” Nico wrinkled her nose.

“Kind of.” Maki repeated. “As you’re well aware, your siblings had some difficulties dealing with you going off to college.”

“Yeah... but what…”

“So, when I wrote my letter to Santa that year, I asked him for something a little different. I wanted him to give my present to them instead.”

“Wait…” A few pieces fell into place.

“I gave my letter to Papa to mail out, so to speak, and when he read it, he and Mama decided it was finally time to tell me the truth.” Maki chuckled at the memories. “I will admit I was shocked at first, but it didn’t take me long to logic it out. I was a bit embarrassed, but Mama helped me with that.

“And then Papa suggested that we could still fulfill my request, just not in the way I had originally thought. I’m not entirely sure what all was worked out between our parents, but I was granted a budget and was able to pick out gifts for Cocoro, Cocoa and Cotarou.”

“So… that was you…?”

“Yeah…”

“All those years I…” The puzzle now complete, Nico struggled to process the picture it portrayed “I thought Mama had decided to splurge a bit since she wasn’t spending as much on me anymore.”

“Nico-chan…” The redhead donned a concerned expression. “Are you… crying?”

“Huh?” The raven-haired girl raised a hand to her face. Sure enough, her fingers touched gathering liquid that was threatening to spill down her cheeks. “I just…” She swallowed past a growing lump in her throat. “Do you have any idea what that meant to us?”

Maki nodded. “Cocoro was let in on the secret early, as it was her first and last year. She thanked me a lot. As did both Cocoa and Cotarou when they found out later.”

“Maki…” Nico sniffled “-chan…”

The younger offered a sympathetic smile before sliding out from under the table and crawling over to her girlfriend. The older girl immediately latched into the offered hug but continued to resist letting the dam break completely. She knew she would give in eventually, but for now, there was still just enough annoyance left to maintain a level of dissonance in her emotions.

Gently, Maki patted Nico’s back a few times before beginning to run her fingers through dark strands of hair.

“You know I’m not gonna forgive you…” Nico eventually murmured into Maki’s shoulder.

“Huh?”

“As amazing and wonderful and generous all those gifts were, you could have at least told me.”

“Sorry…” Maki started to pull the scrunchies from Nico’s hair to grant her better access.

“But…” Nico sighed. “I suppose you got me pretty good this time.”

Maki laughed lightly.

“I mean I remember still seeing packages labelled to you from Santa.”

“That was just Papa trying to be funny.” Maki explained. “He wasn’t in on keeping it a secret from you; he didn’t even know that you didn’t know.”

“I see… Wait, your father tries to be funny?”

“Yeah.”

“Dr. Stoic-ino?”

“Every once in a while.” Maki shrugged the shoulder opposite Nico. “Doesn’t always work, though. But, you know, I could have sworn he’s tried a few shots at humor when you’ve been with us.”

“Maybe…” Nico sighed again. “In any case Maki-chan owes Nico now.”

“What was that?”

“After making Nico believe she still believed in Santa all these years.” Nico explained. “That’s a lot of teasing to make up for.”

“This from the girl who constantly teases me?”

Nico pursed her lips. She couldn’t deny that point. So, once again, a change in tactics was in order. “Well after all the presents Maki-chan gave Nico’s siblings, she should give something to Nico as well.”

“I don’t get it.”

Nico pushed away from the hug to look her girlfriend in the eye. “Nico will forgive Maki-chan if she gives her a present.” She said coyly, reaching over to play with Maki’s collar.

“I’m not letting you open your present early.”

Geez, do I really need to spell it out? Maki-chan is being more dense than usual right now…

Nico turned her wrist such that her fingers grazed across a particularly sensitive part of Maki’s neck, causing the redhead’s breath to hitch. The change in Maki’s eyes was immediate and Nico knew she finally understood.

“Nico-chan is always fond of offering herself as a gift…” Maki breathed, shifting herself so she could lean towards Nico, pausing when their noses were barely a centimeter apart.

“And Maki-chan always accepts.” Often in lieu of my other presents… Nico added silently.

“Mmm…” Maki replied before pressing their lips together.

Nico quickly slid her arms around her girlfriend’s neck to pull herself deeper into the kiss. The earlier turbulence already a fading memory, Nico began to focus solely on the positives of the situation.

“But,” Nico said, pulling away for air “Maki-chan is a gift to Nico as well.”

Amid the rapidly gathering haze of lust, Nico detected a flash of Maki’s acknowledging smile. She returned a quick smile of her own, accompanied by a flirting wink, before allowing Maki to pull her back into another kiss. As both young women began to unwrap their favorite presents of the holiday season, Nico quietly thanked the deities for allowing her such happiness before losing herself completely in her love for Maki.

Author’s Notes Continued in followup post.

[jonathantaylorthomas]

If you think Taylor Swift sings only about her exes, then you don’t get Taylor Swift

We took a deep dive into Swift's albums to track her evolution on these other themes:

Theme: Life lessons

Album: "Taylor Swift" (2006)

As the story goes, aspiring teenage singer-songwriter Taylor Swift knocked on doors around Music Row, dropping off demo CDs. Her parents eventually saw enough promise to move from Wyomissing, Pa., to Nashville, where Swift became the youngest songwriter ever signed to Sony/ATV Music Publishing at age 14.

Shortly after, Swift landed a record deal with Big Machine. As she was suddenly thrown into an adult world, her songwriting was still very much from a high-schooler's perspective.

"I don't know what I want, so don't ask me," she sings on "A Place In This World" (Swift, Robert Ellis Orrall, Angelo Petraglia). " 'Cause I'm still trying to figure it out."

Her lyrics veer from extreme confidence to self-doubt: "I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh, but life goes on — I'm just a girl trying to find a place in this world." She also assures her listeners: "I'm not the only one who feels the way I do."

This direct connection to her fans — many young girls indeed felt similar to Swift — would catapult her to superstardom. She also captured the insecurities of her teenage fanbase with the darkly sad "Tied Together With a Smile" (Swift, Liz Rose), about a friend who seemed like she had the perfect life yet struggled with bulimia.

"You don't tell anyone that you might not be the golden one," Swift sings. "You're tied together with a smile, but you're coming undone."

Album: "Fearless" (2008)

Swift's solo-written "Change," an anthem about not giving up, was chosen as a 2008 Summer Olympics theme song, but "Fifteen" was the standout track from the Grammys' album of the year, convincing critics that Swift was a true force. (Rolling Stone dubbed her a "songwriting savant.")

In the song, also a solo write, Swift takes on the role of the older and wiser teen: She knows what it was like walking through the school hallways, terrified to make eye contact with anyone but also hoping to be noticed by the cute senior. She tells the cautionary tale of her best friend, Abigail, who "gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind — and we both cried."

Ultimately, Swift wanted listeners to know it was okay to feel overwhelmed by high school. "I've found time can heal most anything, and you just might find who you're supposed to be," she sings. "I didn't know who I was supposed to be at 15.”

Album: "Speak Now" (2010)

Swift wrote this entire album herself. While the quiet "Innocent" got many headlines — it chided Kanye West for interrupting her acceptance speech at the 2009 MTV Music Video Awards — one overlooked song was "Never Grow Up," a melancholy guitar acoustic tucked between Swift's forays into rock and pure pop. In the track, 20-year-old Swift grapples with the fear and loss that arrives during the early years of adulthood.

Swift addresses her words to a newborn baby. "Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room, memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home," she sings, adding, "I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone."

Swift makes a similar wish to keep an iron grip on memories in "Long Live," a triumphant love letter to her band and Nashville team, who started as underdogs and conquered the music world. "If you have children someday, when they point to the pictures, please tell them my name," she sings. "We will be remembered."

Album: "1989" (2014)

"Welcome to New York" (Swift, Ryan Tedder) kicked off Swift's official pop era — the album's opening track was bursting with glee at all the excitement the Big Apple had to offer: "Welcome to New York — it's been waiting for you!" Swift had only just recently purchased a $20 million penthouse in Tribeca, so she earned some mockery when she was then named New York City's "global welcome ambassador."

But the pop star didn't care as she reveled in the freedom of the city. "Everybody here was someone else before," Swift sings. "And you can want who you want, boys and boys and girls and girls."

Theme: Friendship

Album: "Taylor Swift" (2006)

As obsessed as Swift would eventually become with her powerful "squad," a BFF group made up of models, singers and actresses, she frequently talked about how she was bullied and ostracized in middle school. On "The Outside," which she wrote by herself as a teenager, you can feel her pain: "How can I ever try to be better? Nobody ever lets me in. I can still see you, this ain't the best view, on the outside looking in."

The music video for the buoyant "I'm Only Me When I'm With You" (Swift, Robert Ellis Orrall, Angelo Petraglia) shows Swift goofing around with her bandmates and best friend, Abigail. Although the lyrics allude to romantic soulmates ("I don't try to hide my tears, my secrets or my deepest fears, through it all nobody gets me like you do"), Swift's fans have adopted it as an ode to friendship.

Album: "Fearless" (2008)

A similar phenomenon occurs on "Breathe," co-written with singer-songwriter Colbie Caillat. Listeners could easily assume it's about a boyfriend ("You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand, and I can't breathe without you, but I have to"), but Swift confirmed it's actually about the end of a close friendship.

Swift continued to reflect on the hurt of her middle school days in "The Best Day," a tribute to her close relationship with her mother. Writing solo, she reflects: "I'm 13 now and don't know how my friends could be so mean. I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys," she sings. "And we drive and drive until we find a town far enough away, and we talk and window shop till I've forgotten all their names."

Album: "Red" (2012)

Swift's most famous — and happiest — friendship song arrived in the form of "22" (Swift, Max Martin, Shellback), an upbeat track that basks in a carefree existence, dancing and making fun of exes and eating breakfast at midnight after a night out: "We're happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time, it's miserable and magical, oh yeah!"

The song's hidden clue on the album liner notes is "ASHLEY DIANNA CLAIRE SELENA," also known as her close pals Ashley Avignone, Dianna Agron, Claire Kislinger and Selena Gomez. Swift explained she wanted to write with the attitude of "we are in our 20s and we don't know anything and it's awesome."

Album: "1989" (2014)

Although "New Romantics" (Swift, Max Martin, Shellback) is hidden as a "bonus track" on "1989," it's a fan favorite, and Rolling Stone recently ranked it as the second-best Swift song. It has "22" vibes with an '80s sonic spin, celebrating the heartache and joy of being young: "Heartbreak is the national anthem, we sing it proudly, we are too busy dancing to get knocked off our feet."

Theme: Fame

Album: "Red" (2012)

By her fourth album, Swift was officially an international celebrity. She also started to collaborate with Swedish maestros Max Martin and Shellback, who helped shape her new pop sound.

But "The Lucky One," which she wrote by herself, was a bit of a return to form. Like a country song, it tells a story — a starlet accomplishes her dream and then realizes that the perks ("big black cars and Riviera views") might not outweigh the dark side of fame ("your secrets end up splashed on the news front page.")

"They tell you that you're lucky, but you're so confused, 'cause you don't feel pretty, you just feel used," Swift sings. Many guessed that Joni Mitchell was her inspiration. Swift wouldn't spill, and only admitted in an interview that the song "expresses my greatest fear of having this not end up being fun anymore."

Album: "1989" (2014)

Swift's stardom skyrocketed again as her pop songs took on mass appeal. "Blank Space" (Swift, Max Martin, Shellback) is a parody of the tabloid media's characterization of Swift: A needy serial dater with a long list of ex-lovers who can tell you she's insane. And someone who, when she gets dumped, "goes to her evil lair and writes songs about it for revenge," as Swift once put it. Swift started writing the lyrics as a joke, and then realized the character was actually fascinating — as the song goes, "a nightmare dressed like a daydream."

Martin and Shellback also co-wrote "Shake It Off," one of Swift's top-selling singles, an earworm that hits back at her critics who she says are "gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate." In a YouTube interview, Swift said she wanted to write a "joyful" song about the criticism she gets on a daily basis — otherwise she would just burn with resentment forever.

"I Know Places" (Swift, Ryan Tedder) takes a more despondent view of a lifestyle in which privacy simply isn't an option. Swift has repeatedly talked about the difficulties of starting a new relationship while the world watches and mocks her, and this track is a wistful tune about hiding out: "They are the hunters, we are the foxes, and we run — baby, I know places we won't be found."

Theme: Revenge

Album: "Speak Now" (2010)

Swift first displayed her thirst for vengeance against exes on songs such as "Picture to Burn" (Swift, Liz Rose) on her first album and "Better Than Revenge," about a romantic rival, which she wrote for "Speak Now." But on that third album, her motivation also went beyond boyfriends with "Mean," a single that she wrote by herself and that earned her two Grammy awards, including one for best country song. The song's rumored gen­esis was a critical blog post by music writer Bob Lefsetz, who roasted Swift's cringeworthy duet with Stevie Nicks at the 2010 Grammys.

In return, Swift painted her critic as an eventual bitter, washed-up loser, "drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing." Swift concludes, "All you are is mean — and a liar and pathetic and alone in life."

Album: "1989" (2014)

Swift's most infamous revenge track is "Bad Blood" (Swift, Max Martin, Shellback). Once she revealed that the tune was about a fellow female pop star that tried to "sabotage" an arena tour, the Internet quickly figured out that it was Katy Perry, who hired several backup dancers away from Swift's Red Tour.

Although it might seem like a benign slight, Swift's lyrics are rough: "Did you have to hit me where I'm weak, baby, I couldn't breathe, and rub it in so deep? Salt in the wound like you're laughing right at me." Things only escalated when Swift recruited her famous friends for the song's fiery music video, which shows her vanquishing an enemy. In summer 2017, Perry fired back with a track of her own, "Swish Swish," although it received more mockery than anything.

Album: "Reputation" (2017)

After her longest break without releasing new music, Swift dropped "Look What You Made Me Do" in August. She and collaborator Jack Antonoff shared writing credits with Fred Fairbrass, Richard Fairbrass and Rob Manzoli, the trio behind "I'm Too Sexy," because Swift and Antonoff interpolated the 1990s hit.

The dance-pop track declares that the "old Taylor" is "dead." Still, she leans heavily on her tried-and-true revenge theme, clearly aimed at her nemeses Kanye West and Kim Kardashian West, with whom she has been feuding for years. "The world moves on, another day, another drama, drama," Swift chants. "But not for me, not for me — all I think about is karma."

[ts1989fanatic]

If you think Taylor Swift sings only about her exes, then you don’t get Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift is one of those celebrities so famous that even if you don’t listen to her music, you probably know something about her. Usually, the assumption is, “Isn’t she the one who always writes songs about her boyfriends?” It’s true that Swift, 27, launched her career in 2006 as a teenager with “Tim McGraw,” a wistful ballad about a guy she dated in high school. When she became a star, she paired off with other stars and wrote about them: Joe Jonas, John Mayer, Jake Gyllenhaal.

While she rarely names the subjects of her songs, she leaves hints via coded messages in the album’s liner notes, leading to a media frenzy every time she releases new music — and she will likely continue the practice when she drops her sixth studio album, “Reputation,” on Nov. 10. However, those who know Swift only from those headlines and her major commerical hits (“Love Story,” “You Belong With Me,” “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,”) miss the fact that her music goes far beyond crushes and exes. Swift, who has solo or co-written every song she’s ever recorded, also tackles other substantive subjects, which have a major impact on her extremely loyal fanbase.

We took a deep dive into Swift’s albums to track her evolution on these other themes:

Theme: Life lessons

Album: “Taylor Swift” (2006)

As the story goes, aspiring teenage singer-songwriter Taylor Swift knocked on doors around Music Row, dropping off demo CDs. Her parents eventually saw enough promise to move from Wyomissing, Pa., to Nashville, where Swift became the youngest songwriter ever signed to Sony/ATV Music Publishing at age 14.

Shortly after, Swift landed a record deal with Big Machine. As she was suddenly thrown into an adult world, her songwriting was still very much from a high-schooler’s perspective.

“I don’t know what I want, so don’t ask me,” she sings on “A Place In This World” (Swift, Robert Ellis Orrall, Angelo Petraglia). “ ’Cause I’m still trying to figure it out.”

Her lyrics veer from extreme confidence to self-doubt: “I’ll be strong, I’ll be wrong, oh, but life goes on — I’m just a girl trying to find a place in this world.” She also assures her listeners: “I’m not the only one who feels the way I do.”

This direct connection to her fans — many young girls indeed felt similar to Swift — would catapult her to superstardom. She also captured the insecurities of her teenage fanbase with the darkly sad “Tied Together With a Smile” (Swift, Liz Rose), about a friend who seemed like she had the perfect life yet struggled with bulimia.

“You don’t tell anyone that you might not be the golden one,” Swift sings. “You’re tied together with a smile, but you’re coming undone.”

Album: “Fearless” (2008)

Swift’s solo-written “Change,” an anthem about not giving up, was chosen as a 2008 Summer Olympics theme song, but “Fifteen” was the standout track from the Grammys’ album of the year, convincing critics that Swift was a true force. (Rolling Stone dubbed her a “songwriting savant.”)

In the song, also a solo write, Swift takes on the role of the older and wiser teen: She knows what it was like walking through the school hallways, terrified to make eye contact with anyone but also hoping to be noticed by the cute senior. She tells the cautionary tale of her best friend, Abigail, who “gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind — and we both cried.”

Ultimately, Swift wanted listeners to know it was okay to feel overwhelmed by high school. “I’ve found time can heal most anything, and you just might find who you’re supposed to be,” she sings. “I didn’t know who I was supposed to be at 15.”

Album: “Speak Now” (2010)

Swift wrote this entire album herself. While the quiet “Innocent” got many headlines — it chided Kanye West for interrupting her acceptance speech at the 2009 MTV Music Video Awards — one overlooked song was “Never Grow Up,” a melancholy guitar acoustic tucked between Swift’s forays into rock and pure pop. In the track, 20-year-old Swift grapples with the fear and loss that arrives during the early years of adulthood.

Swift addresses her words to a newborn baby. “Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room, memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home,” she sings, adding, “I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone.”

Swift makes a similar wish to keep an iron grip on memories in “Long Live,” a triumphant love letter to her band and Nashville team, who started as underdogs and conquered the music world. “If you have children someday, when they point to the pictures, please tell them my name,” she sings. “We will be remembered.”

Album: “1989” (2014)

“Welcome to New York” (Swift, Ryan Tedder) kicked off Swift’s official pop era — the album’s opening track was bursting with glee at all the excitement the Big Apple had to offer: “Welcome to New York — it’s been waiting for you!” Swift had only just recently purchased a $20 million penthouse in Tribeca, so she earned some mockery when she was then named New York City’s “global welcome ambassador.”

But the pop star didn’t care as she reveled in the freedom of the city. “Everybody here was someone else before,” Swift sings. “And you can want who you want, boys and boys and girls and girls.”

Theme: Friendship

Album: “Taylor Swift” (2006)

As obsessed as Swift would eventually become with her powerful “squad,” a BFF group made up of models, singers and actresses, she frequently talked about how she was bullied and ostracized in middle school. On “The Outside,” which she wrote by herself as a teenager, you can feel her pain: “How can I ever try to be better? Nobody ever lets me in. I can still see you, this ain’t the best view, on the outside looking in.”

The music video for the buoyant “I’m Only Me When I’m With You” (Swift, Robert Ellis Orrall, Angelo Petraglia) shows Swift goofing around with her bandmates and best friend, Abigail. Although the lyrics allude to romantic soulmates (“I don’t try to hide my tears, my secrets or my deepest fears, through it all nobody gets me like you do”), Swift’s fans have adopted it as an ode to friendship.

Album: “Fearless” (2008)

A similar phenomenon occurs on “Breathe,” co-written with singer-songwriter Colbie Caillat. Listeners could easily assume it’s about a boyfriend (“You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand, and I can’t breathe without you, but I have to”), but Swift confirmed it’s actually about the end of a close friendship.

Swift continued to reflect on the hurt of her middle school days in “The Best Day,” a tribute to her close relationship with her mother. Writing solo, she reflects: “I’m 13 now and don’t know how my friends could be so mean. I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys,” she sings. “And we drive and drive until we find a town far enough away, and we talk and window shop till I’ve forgotten all their names.”

Album: “Red” (2012)

Swift’s most famous — and happiest — friendship song arrived in the form of “22” (Swift, Max Martin, Shellback), an upbeat track that basks in a carefree existence, dancing and making fun of exes and eating breakfast at midnight after a night out: “We’re happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time, it’s miserable and magical, oh yeah!”

The song’s hidden clue on the album liner notes is “ASHLEY DIANNA CLAIRE SELENA,” also known as her close pals Ashley Avignone, Dianna Agron, Claire Kislinger and Selena Gomez. Swift explained she wanted to write with the attitude of “we are in our 20s and we don’t know anything and it’s awesome.”

Album: “1989” (2014)

Although “New Romantics” (Swift, Max Martin, Shellback) is hidden as a “bonus track” on “1989,” it’s a fan favorite, and Rolling Stone recently ranked itas the second-best Swift song. It has “22” vibes with an ’80s sonic spin, celebrating the heartache and joy of being young: “Heartbreak is the national anthem, we sing it proudly, we are too busy dancing to get knocked off our feet.”

Theme: Fame

Album: “Red” (2012)

By her fourth album, Swift was officially an international celebrity. She also started to collaborate with Swedish maestros Max Martin and Shellback, who helped shape her new pop sound.

But “The Lucky One,” which she wrote by herself, was a bit of a return to form. Like a country song, it tells a story — a starlet accomplishes her dream and then realizes that the perks (“big black cars and Riviera views”) might not outweigh the dark side of fame (“your secrets end up splashed on the news front page.”)

“They tell you that you’re lucky, but you’re so confused, ’cause you don’t feel pretty, you just feel used,” Swift sings. Many guessed that Joni Mitchell was her inspiration. Swift wouldn’t spill, and only admitted in an interview that the song “expresses my greatest fear of having this not end up being fun anymore.”

Album: “1989” (2014)

Swift’s stardom skyrocketed again as her pop songs took on mass appeal. “Blank Space” (Swift, Max Martin, Shellback) is a parody of the tabloid media’s characterization of Swift: A needy serial dater with a long list of ex-lovers who can tell you she’s insane. And someone who, when she gets dumped, “goes to her evil lair and writes songs about it for revenge,” as Swift once put it. Swift started writing the lyrics as a joke, and then realized the character was actually fascinating — as the song goes, “a nightmare dressed like a daydream.”

Martin and Shellback also co-wrote “Shake It Off,” one of Swift’s top-selling singles, an earworm that hits back at her critics who she says are “gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.” In a YouTube interview, Swift said she wanted to write a “joyful” song about the criticism she gets on a daily basis — otherwise she would just burn with resentment forever.

“I Know Places” (Swift, Ryan Tedder) takes a more despondent view of a lifestyle in which privacy simply isn’t an option. Swift has repeatedly talked about the difficulties of starting a new relationship while the world watches and mocks her, and this track is a wistful tune about hiding out: “They are the hunters, we are the foxes, and we run — baby, I know places we won’t be found.”

Theme: Revenge

Album: “Speak Now” (2010)

Swift first displayed her thirst for vengeance against exes on songs such as “Picture to Burn” (Swift, Liz Rose) on her first album and “Better Than Revenge,” about a romantic rival, which she wrote for “Speak Now.” But on that third album, her motivation also went beyond boyfriends with “Mean,” a single that she wrote by herself and that earned her two Grammy awards, including one for best country song. The song’s rumored gen­esis was a critical blog post by music writer Bob Lefsetz, who roasted Swift’s cringeworthy duet with Stevie Nicks at the 2010 Grammys.

In return, Swift painted her critic as an eventual bitter, washed-up loser, “drunk and grumbling on about how I can’t sing.” Swift concludes, “All you are is mean — and a liar and pathetic and alone in life.”

Album: “1989” (2014)

Swift’s most infamous revenge track is “Bad Blood” (Swift, Max Martin, Shellback). Once she revealed that the tune was about a fellow female pop star that tried to “sabotage” an arena tour, the Internet quickly figured out that it was Katy Perry, who hired several backup dancers away from Swift’s Red Tour.

Although it might seem like a benign slight, Swift’s lyrics are rough: “Did you have to hit me where I’m weak, baby, I couldn’t breathe, and rub it in so deep? Salt in the wound like you’re laughing right at me.” Things only escalated when Swift recruited her famous friends for the song’s fiery music video, which shows her vanquishing an enemy. In summer 2017, Perry fired back with a track of her own, “Swish Swish,” although it received more mockery than anything.

Album: “Reputation” (2017)

After her longest break without releasing new music, Swift dropped “Look What You Made Me Do” in August. She and collaborator Jack Antonoff shared writing credits with Fred Fairbrass, Richard Fairbrass and Rob Manzoli, the trio behind “I’m Too Sexy,” because Swift and Antonoff interpolated the 1990s hit.

The dance-pop track declares that the “old Taylor” is “dead.” Still, she leans heavily on her tried-and-true revenge theme, clearly aimed at her nemeses Kanye West and Kim Kardashian West, with whom she has been feuding for years. “The world moves on, another day, another drama, drama,” Swift chants. “But not for me, not for me — all I think about is karma.”

ts1989fanatic other than the last paragraph this is a well thought out piece that actually gets it, Taylor Swift is a brilliant writer who can and does write about many subjects other than her exes.

[televinita]

Zoo 3.11, “Cradles and Graves”

Maybe, you’re gonna be the one that saves me

I don't know if I'm more upset that this show had the gall to unironically use (a cover of)“Wonderwall” for dramatic effect, or that after 3 days of my inability to stop watching this episode, it's actually working for me.

I distinctly remember bursting out laughing when the first lyrics hit my ears, and now I'm like, teary eyed and nodding sagely through that whole montage. "Wow. So deep. So profound and meaningful."

------

A list of things I did not care for this week: the IADG bullpen unless Tessa was talking. Now that we've got that out of the way... Some things I like about the first 5 minutes -Imagining the Darkest Timeline version where they are all already dead by the time Clem finds them. -The (unintentional?) hilarity of the fact that Jackson's blood waits for the exactly perfect moment to ooze under the door for maximum dramatic effect -The fact that Mitch is found on the stairs instead of where he was shot, which suggests to me that he got to feel the full horror of seeing both Max and Jamie on the ground before he succumbed to his own wound (which is probably just an irresponsible directing choice because if he had, I'd think he'd be a little more grateful about the whole them-not-being-dead part, but it's fun to think about! Otherwise I just get bogged down again in wondering about the logistics of GSW injuries.) Ctrl + Z I loved it, but my parents and I could not stop laughing during the entire resurrection scene. "So I guess everybody's actively dying and no one can help us, but it's cool. Just gimme some of that tank serum (totally valid medical term) and mix it with water (just your basic home remedy recipe), and then we'll suffocate them back to life and five minutes later their mortal wounds will be fine and we can get on with the real problems." A.K.A. So there's example 57 or so of an entire episode's worth of possible plot being pushed aside because this show refuses to take a breath. We could have wrung so much more emotion out of Clementine, whilst ignoring her own signs of labor, trying to triage her father, grandfather, adoptive mother, surrogate uncle I'm pretending she is already attached to more than I'm sure she is, and other surrogate uncle who is also her best chance of saving her baby, the most important of all, if something goes wrong in delivery. ...and GDI now I gotta go find a special episode of Grey's Anatomy to get my mass tragedy fix. But I'm grateful that even at Zoo speed, they still gave me a little taste (in two flavors!) of people suffering the after-effects of injuries the serum couldn't fully fix. You're Responsible, You're the One to Blame, It's Your Fault :( to everyone being too busy hating her to notice Jamie cradling a clearly injured arm. But I love absolutely every sentence in this 7-way argument, including but not limited to Mitch's strangled "are you full term? how long was I out?!", the group-wide reveal of when exactly Mr. Duncan disappeared, Jackson's deadly-quiet anger, Jamie's valid defense of her actions, Mitch trying to take his daughter and blow this popsicle stand at a doubled-over limp, Clem taking her sweet time mentioning the quarantine, Max and Jamie's "oh" realizations about the plane, and Mitch's fabulously cranky echo and "what now" attitude. Last but far from least, the disgusted "I can't even look at you" was kind of my favorite part? I dig it when one member of an OTP is that intensely furious at the other out of hurt. (see also: Castle at the end of season 4)

A+ Comic Relief Laughing for 1 million years at Clem hopping off the exam table pantsless while all the men in the vicinity double take and look away* (except for Sam, whom Mitch hilariously whacks on the arm for his impudence, in my favorite sight gag since "Special Consultant") *the fact that Abe also does this, while understandably instinctive and appropriately respectful, is also kind of hilarious given where he just was 

Oh My Darling(s, Sam &) Clementine (who can't make a good shipmanteau to save their life) I don't have enough interest to do it myself, but it sure sounds like the story of how they met would make a pretty great YA novel plot. Anyone who doesn't actually want to spend the month trying to be a paid author need a NaNoWriMo prompt? Particularly someone who likes world-building, because this show leaves things wide open to fill in the details of U.S. society outside New York and the plane. Speaking of which! Did Clem happen to share with him the part of her backstory about being raised as an orphan basically the same way for the same reason? Because that seems like it would decently bond them. I like this parallel. Also update, I am getting a lot fonder of his face, mostly because he shut up and stayed out of the way except when I needed him to chime in to be sweet and supportive of Clementine (or side with her dad about ranking her over the baby on the priority list). He seems like he's really tried/is trying to be a good partner, and I'm impressed that he holds his ground despite a faceful of largely unwarranted hostility from her. I might actually be okay with him being the head of his family, even though up until now my head has danced with visions of Clem raising her baby under Mitch (and Jamie)'s purview and/or roof, Last Man Standing style. (although I guess there's always Reba-style, where both young parents are under that roof) (I realize I'm making a lot of assumptions about everyone's ability to stay alive and/or live a semi-normal life)

Beta Ship 2.0 / My Wonderwall** There's something immensely funny to me about the juxtaposition of Jackson being in his Brooding Cave Of Isolated Despair while Tessa is in a brightly ilt location, in the middle of the hustle and bustle and basically being like, "Buck up and stop being so melodramatic." (Jackson: The prophecies have spoken. Food turns to dust in my mouth. A great wave shall fall upon us all. // Tessa: is your plane out of groceries again?) But on a serious note, I love so much that he's thisclose to broken until she pulls him out of it that I'm not even gonna whine about him asking Tessa to do the same thing he's punishing Jamie for. Though in his defense, he did say "stop" her and not "kill her,” which is an important distinction for him. **My friend once wrote a Jim/Pam (The Office) parody of Jim/Pam stories using this title, and that is at least 50% of why I can't take this song seriously even though I actually have always loved it. 

I Don't Know What To Do My Whole Brain is Celebrating "How do you know the name of Jamie's scorpion?" "Because my son and Jamie have, uh, very lively pillow talk."** !!!!!!!!!! NO BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE.

The fact that Abe pipes up despite a sucking chest wound just so he can help take the mick out of Mitch is glorious. The cranky and ineffectual "shut up" in response is THE BEST. I love that Mitch has just always blatantly refused to publicly acknowledge how he feels about Jamie, despite the fact that everyone and their mother is like,  "Oh yeah, I know Mitch. Snarky scientist, walks around with hearts in his eyes to match the one on his sleeve?" (Mitch, in the distance: I do not LOVE her, okay, I just...miss her when she's not around, think about her all the time, and I imagine us one day running towards each other in slow motion and I'm wearing a brown suede vest.) I doubly appreciate this exchange because I was wondering when the hell these people actually sleep and I was getting worried there was no recognizable place in canon that they might have both had a chance to go to bed at the same time. **This writer could not have more clearly been flagging us with a fic prompt. Max Morgan, Love Doctor My very favorite of the small moments in this ep is Max insisting that Mitch let him patch him up. I was all on board for some serious injury, but I loved the subversion of his attention being caught by the scars I thought the show had forgotten about instead. "Oh, Mitch."

That just kills me. I want to unpack their relationship right here so much more, but also, it's 7pm on the night of new Zoo. Suffice to say Mitch isn't the only parent who suffers over the thought of his kid being in pain tonight, and that's beautiful. And gosh do I love him quietly, individually, nudging Mitch and Jamie back towards each other. The promise that Mitch will understand eventually was an immediate balm upon my soul. If Max says a thing about my ship, it must be true! Mitch + Being A Mess of Emotions About His Daughter (if anyone wanted to make a gifset off of this theme I would not be opposed) Words cannot express how thrilled I am that Mitch gives zero bothers about Sam's baby daddy rights and takes up prime positioning to stroke Clementine's hair nonstop throughout the whole labor,* even stealing the requisite final "you can do this" encouragement. He also gets to be the first one to hold the baby and it's amazing.

* and makes some pretty wonderful faces over how hard it is to see her in pain and not be able to do anything about it -- and remind me I've got either some meta or a story scrap about how this is what Audra was on the front lines for all those years he selfishly hid away, telling himself it was for the best P.S. As much as I love that Mitch just falls apart in full Worried Dad mode and can't seem to process a single medical term or physical symptom as it pertains to pregnancy, you know that if Abe weren't a sex doctor and the writers weren't butts, Mitch would absolutely be whipping out the stethoscopes and telling us all about the time he delivered a baby gorilla so this is basically the same thing -- I imagine Clem would take loud offense here -- while roping in Jamie as a delivery nurse to follow his instructions to the letter (because there are some things fathers just should not do no matter how brilliant they are). Things I would like to know Why Mitch -- who apparently had a through and through -- is the only one whose gunshot wound is still bothering him Why Clementine didn't once ask where Jamie was. (at which point I'd really like to see Mitch try and explain that one.)

It is straight up ridiculous to me that 19-year-old girl in labor, surrounded by men, would not want a woman with her, particularly one she loves. This is the most "what...man...[wrote] this" moment I have ever had about TV.

Did I just miss it, or is it kinda weird that Sam doesn't bat an eye upon finding out Charles Duncan is actually a different person and his girlfriend's father? 

Leftover Thoughts

This show is so nuts, I am just now realizing I didn't even stop to wonder how the hell Abigail reanimated herself last week before now.

Mitch being a testy bitch @ Abe is a thing that just does not get old. ("You put hybrid goo in my daughter? Was that not worth a little chat?")

Aww @ Mitch's mini pep-talk about being a good parent, followed by the "OK time to go" and the sweet "I'm having this baby?" / "You are having this baby."

I also really enjoy Mitch deciding to be cranky about Sam just because he's there and he can. It's kinda like sniping at Logan, but more fun and with way better reasons. (Which I hope is exactly what Mitch says when Clementine inevitably tells him to knock it off)

"Goodbye frequent flyer miles" lmao

I love that instead of shutting down the beacon by cutting the wire, they multiplied its effect by a thousand and destroyed a city, to which the response is basically, "Whoops."

"You've been good for my son. Take care of him for me." So I LOVE THIS, but also: dammit Max that is not what "die for our ship" means.

But I love the moment where Jamie and Max, individually, hear the baby crying. The joy dawning on their faces is so pure it actually makes it worthwhile that they're not present at the birth itself.

(I know we're especially mad about Jamie. But honestly, if it means All Mitch All The Time, that's an OK trade to me.)

tl;dr if something is not mentioned please assume I loved it

COMING SOON:

(will be links shortly) Mini essays analyzing Jamie V. Jackson, Mitch/Jamie and Max's death.

In conclusion: I spent my entire night writing this, but it was worth it. Future Me is gonna love looking back.

[murasaki-murasame]

Monogatari Series Rewatch Part 4: Bakemonogatari [Nadeko Snake]

I’m doing it, I’m finally getting around to this, aah. Here we go.

Who else is ready for two episodes of ‘if only you could understand how much drama and pain your superficial understanding of Nadeko’s emotional problems is gonna cause you down the line, Araragi’, cause I sure am.

Thoughts under the cut.

[This got way longer than expected. Can you tell that I really love Nadeko as a character, and love talking about her?]

PART ONE:

-I haven’t talked a whole lot about any art-related things in a while [since I never know how to phrase my praise for this sorta thing without being kinda repetitive and aimless], but I really love the plain colour/gradient effect used for stuff like the bamboo forest. It’s definitely a cost-cutting measure, but for some reason I really like it. I guess, in a weird way, I really like the simple backgrounds that draw more focus to the characters, and make the show feel like even more of a stage play where everything other than the characters themselves are just props.

-It still gives me the warm fuzzies, that Araragi and Kanbaru immediately got back to being friends after the last arc. Their friendship is a wonderful part of the series.

-And here she is! Snake girl! Hoo boy, this is where we get into the start of some of the extended story elements. Though from what I remember, you tend to leave this arc for the first time not thinking that there’s anything deeper to her character and that she won’t show up again. LOLNOPE.

-Just to get it said right off the bat, Nadeko is honestly one of my favourite characters in the entire show, at least from my vague memories of my first time watching the series. I found myself relating to her and understanding her issues way more than I thought I would. I think it wasn’t until Otori that I paid much attention to her, but I feel like that goes for everyone. I totally get why she’s such a divisive character, though. I respect that.

-And here we have one of the single most iconic and memorable anime OPs of all time. Holy shit this song used to be EVERYWHERE. So many parodies and mash-ups and remixes. It’s weird to look back at the original. Especially since there’s so many little elements to it, mostly in the lyrics, that really bluntly hint at her various issues, and the direction her story takes. One of the very first lines in the OP is, more or less, ‘if words will destroy our relationship, then silence is fine’. Though it’s hard not to see this entire OP as being really meaningful when it’s so connected in my head to the Nadeko Medusa OP. I still adore how Renai Circulation is basically Nadeko’s idealized view of herself and her unrequited crush on Araragi, while Mousou Express is a more objective look at how obsessive her feelings actually are. I love it so much. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

-Also, as a side note, I think this OP was my first exposure to the series before I actually sat down and watched it about three or so years ago, and for the longest damn time I seriously thought that Nadeko had green hair. It took me a while to get used to her normal hair colour.

-Oh yeah, this is the first time we see the shrine, as well as the talisman thingy. Huh. I at least thought that the talisman didn’t appear until as far as Nise or SS. Weird. It makes me remember how sorta surprising it was to see the shrine become such a recurring setting, and such a big element of the overall story. But it really does just keep popping up. It’s probably one of the things I have the least of a grasp of, though, especially with how the various goings-on with it fit into the timeline. But I at least remember that the whole deal with the shrine is that it’s like the spiritual hotspot of the town, and that everyone wants to use it for their own purposes, mostly in terms of using it to maintain ‘balance’ in the town.

-Senjougahara continues to be utterly savage even when she’s not part of the scene. NICE.

-Huh, I genuinely forgot that apparently Kanbaru’s arm is gonna heal over the next five years or so. Huh. That’s a pretty major thing to forget. I feel like they never bring it up after this point, though. So that’s probably why. I guess it slightly lessens the whole tragedy of what happened to her, but I guess it was probably a bit too fucked up of a concept for her to be stuck with a monkey arm for the rest of her life.

-For some reason I thought that the shrine was intact by this point in time and just got destroyed in a later arc. Guess not. [[If it’s not clear already I have a surprisingly shit memory of a lot of specific story details with this show. Especially in the early arcs like this. Since I haven’t watched them in several years. Also I’ve only read the LN versions of the first three Bake arcs, and have been procrastinating about the rest, so this is the start of where I truly haven’t really experienced the story in years]]

-Obviously this is a bigger aspect of later arcs, and I’ll discuss it more then, but holy shit does Araragi have the WORST memory possible. It’s almost hilarious how many issues in his life are caused by it. I can’t exactly blame him for not remembering one of his little sisters’ school friends who he hasn’t seen in six years but still. This is just a hint of what’s to come, I guess. And really his issue with Nadeko is less him forgetting her, and more him just not paying that much attention to her or trying to investigate her issues. Which, again, I can’t blame him for. Most of the things Araragi does like this are completely realistic and understandable even if we as the audience can see the dramatic irony involved.

-[Oh man, now that I’m remembering more of Nadeko’s story, it’s just now dawning on me for the first time how similar a lot of her story is to that one character from Umineko who I won’t name because of spoilers. They’re very different characters in general, but wow there’s at least some pretty overt superficial comparisons to be made. Huh. I need to remember to make a post about that character once I’m properly done with Umineko]

-Oh yeah, by this point in the story Nadeko was already going off into the mountains to ritualistically murder small animals. Yep. This sure is a thing that’s already happening. I forget the exact context of this, but yeah in hindsight this is a pretty clear indicator that she has some serious issues. Even if I can at least remember enough to know that she was trying to take the snake curse off herself. Still, stabbing hordes of snakes to a tree is messed up.

-I love all of Hanekawa’s shifty/squinty expressions during the whole scene here at the bookstore. She really does have a way of coming across as really composed, even though you can always tell, especially in hindsight, that she’s not as composed as she might let on.

-It’s still interesting to me how Nadeko’s hat makes her look a bit like a snake. Even her loose jacket kinda reminds me of shed snake skin. I know that basically all of the main girls have elements of their oddities incorporated into their designs, but I feel like Nadeko is probably the most subtle about it. Other than maybe Hanekawa. Either way, I really love this outfit of hers. I sometimes feel like wearing a jacket like that, but it always feels a little silly and pointless, and I’d probably worry about it not sitting still properly.

-I just got reminded by this one particular shot where he looks really nice, but, I really do think that Araragi is pretty dang attractive. I only really notice it with certain scenes, though. But when it’s there, it’s there. Obviously I’m sorta alone in feeling this way, lol.

-I appreciate Hanekawa taking the time to try and explain to Araragi that he’s way too wishy washy with his feelings, and way too nice and open with girls in a way that can come across as a lack of faithfulness to his actual girlfriend. It’s a lesson that he really needs to learn, as do many such protagonists. You can really get why Senjougahara is so clingy and distrustful in her own way. [Although I also do feel like Kanbaru is a weird character to use to set up this topic considering that she’s, you know, a lesbian. Oh well. Hanekawa’s point still stands]

-Huh, they’re already bringing up her intentions to travel the world once she graduates. Huh. I thought that only got bought up around Neko:Shiro. It’s also making me even more antsy about waiting for the eventual adaptation of Off Season because I REALLY wanna see that one arc that’s apparently about her travels.

-Oh boy, all these not so subtle hints about Hanekawa’s home life. My heart is not ready for when we actually focus on that.

-I seriously love every scene in this show that has red/orange lighting like this. It looks so fantastic. It really sets the mood.

-Of course the first thing Kanbaru does upon entering Araragi’s room for the first time is to loudly search for his porn while taunting him about how much she’s aware of his kinks and fetishes. Isn’t she the best?

-Yeah this whole scene is just as creepy as ever. Christ. Although I still cannot fucking believe that they reference that one goddamn meme during this scene as well. It’s surreal. Though not quite as surreal as Attack on Titan referencing it for a recent magazine cover spread. I’m still reeling from that one.

-I’m pretty sure that Nadeko is still only like two or three years younger than him, but this whole thing is still . . . iffy. But obviously it’s meant to be iffy and weird.

-Especially in hindsight, it’s really sad seeing Nadeko talk about hating her body, and wanting to be saved by the person she has a crush on. Damn. Though the whole idea of her actively asking to be saved really sets up the big issue with this arc [so to say] and how it sets up Otori. I just feel bad for everyone involved.

PART TWO:

-I’m loving the shadow puppet hands going on that look like snakes. It really adds to the creepy atmosphere. Same with the really stark contrast between the dark shadows and the bright bluish-white lighting. Also, I dunno if I’ve mentioned it yet, but I love how Oshino is just the master of setting up school desks and chairs in increasingly elaborate ways, and sitting on them in increasingly implausible ways. In general I just love the use of props, staging, framing, and body language to construct a scene, in addition to the dialogue that makes up the meat of it. Obviously this is where Shaft’s influence shines through the most, since this is exactly the sort of stuff that’s fundamentally not part of the LNs. It’s really interesting to me how they took something like the basic descriptions of Oshino sleeping on a makeshift bed made of desks and blankets and whatnot, and went completely wild with the imagery of it.

-This is just a matter of the version of the subs I’m reading, but man is it throwing me off how the dialogue subtitles translate certain terms differently than the on-screen text subtitles do. Especially since I can also obviously hear the Japanese term being used and I have a vague idea of it’s inherent meaning, so I wind up with like three separate terms for the same thing being thrown at me at once and it’s sorta disorienting. 

-[On the note of subs, I probably should have mentioned this before but it’s so weird to me seeing Hanekawa’s catchphrase translated any way other than ‘I don’t know everything. I just know what I know’. Anything else feels kinda blasphemous, even though it’s by far the most petty issue I could have translation-wise. I at least feel like any translation of that line should be consistent, to get across the fact that it’s the same line being repeated. I feel like the subs I’m using have translated it inconsistently once or twice, and it bugs me.]

-OK I guess this is another sub note, but I must have glazed over the line of ‘Living without words, no, dying, huh?’ in the OP the first time round. Huh. It comes across slightly mangled in English even though it’s a kinda neat pun in Japanese [it’s basically using ‘shi nuki’ vs ‘shinu ki’. I’d use the actual kanji they use if I knew what they were, but yeah that gets it across well enough]. Either way, it’s one of the various lines in this OP that really bluntly hint at how much of an issue it is for Nadeko to hide her true feelings behind a mask of cuteness and silence. I like how, via puns, it manages to effectively equate silence with death, which is pretty accurate and foreboding, considering that her repressed issues turn into murderous violence.

-It’s one of those things that makes me seriously wonder how much of Nadeko’s character arc Nisioisin had planned from the start. I know that he kinda plays it off as ‘haha, her voice actress wants to play an evil character, let’s make Nadeko into the final boss lol’, but I’d be surprised if it was anything so spontaneous and unplanned. So much of this arc really blatantly hints at how disturbed and unhealthy Nadeko is, and her issues are left so blatantly unresolved in this arc in a way that feels almost counter to the entire theme of the story [which is exactly why it comes back to bite everyone later]. I at least like to think that he was planning it all from the start, and was kinda messing around with stereotypes to try and make both Araragi and the reader glaze over all of Nadeko’s problems, and the logical consequences of this arc, while just seeing her as a cute girl. I dunno. Maybe I’m giving him too much credit. I know that it sometimes bothers me how much the series really, unironically plays up the ‘look what a [superficially] cute and innocent and naive little girl she is! So moe!’ angle at times, even though pretty much the entire idea of her character is how damaging it is to ignore and glaze over a person’s depth and their problems by valuing them solely for their cuteness or youth or purity or whatever, so . . . eh.

-It’s definitely interesting how it looks like Oshino never even sees Nadeko for himself in this arc, and just hears about her problem from Araragi. Given how good he tends to be at noticing when a person isn’t a pure, innocent victim in their whole story. I wonder how things might have gone if he’d seen her up close. I could at least see him noticing the thing she does where she hides behind her hair.

-I just thought after seeing the scene describing the invisible snake that’s constricting her body and about to kill her, but there’s a lot of parts of the story that are interesting to examine if you want to interpret the oddities as mostly just being reflective metaphors for emotional problems. Obviously in the context of the story they’re literally real, but still, I think it’s valid to interpret things this way if only as a way to understand what role each oddity plays, and what they show about each character. [And it seems relevant to bring up with Nadeko in particular, since the entire twist of Otori is that the oddity in that was literally just a reflection of her emotional issues and not even a ‘real supernatural thing’]. It’s interesting to look at how, at least thus far [I forget what else we learn about the snake curse incident later in this episode since I have it paused partway at the moment so I’m probably gonna feel real dumb in a few minutes lol], we’re dealing with a case of Nadeko being bitterly hated by one of her classmates for simply turning down a guy that the other girl liked, and now she’s off in the mountains killing small animals to try and lessen this horrible, constricting pain that makes her feel like she’s about to die, which is making her hate her body, and just want somebody to save her. I mean, I know I’m just literally describing what’s going on at this point, but it’s definitely easy to not quite consider the extent of what’s going on here if you get caught up in the snake curse concept. It’s a bit too easy to get the order of events wrong and assume that this magical curse is the sole cause of her problems and her negative feelings, and that it’ll be totally fine to just exorcise it. And it’s kinda sad how even Nadeko, understandably, sees it that way too. It’s pretty obvious that she doesn’t want to examine her feelings and their root causes and how they affect her life and how she thinks, and as a young, sheltered girl she might not even have any real idea HOW to do that sort of introspection. It’s pretty depressing, really.

-They even point out that ‘the curse’ was mostly caused by Nadeko’s whole ‘killing small animals’ thing, but Araragi of course thinks it’d be totally fine if Nadeko just did the animal-killing in a different place. In terms of the in-universe logic at hand, yes it might have prevented the supernatural curse placed upon her by it, but even with that in mind, we’re still dealing with someone who’s ritualistically killing animals to try and alleviate their psychological pain and the self-loathing tied in with that. The story even implicitly spells out the fact that Nadeko’s actions weren’t caused by the supernatural cause, but by her own emotional pain, when it talks about how the animal-killing caused her curse. So the blindingly obvious issue at hand here really has barely anything to do with the curse itself. The curse isn’t really the cause of anything, it’s the RESULT of everything else. It’s almost physically painful to see Araragi saying all this and obviously not even considering that there’s issues at hand that will persist even after this exorcism. But again, it’s the sort of thing where it’s just dramatically ironic that he isn’t noticing something that we can more easily see as outside readers. Still doesn’t make it any less painful to watch, though.

-I seriously cannot even state enough that the story is really openly talking about how Nadeko was *ritualistically killing small animals* before any sort of a life-threatening snake curse was involved. Again, it’s super hard not to think that the author was totally aware of all this, and was planning her arc out from the start. I mean, the big thing with each arc, especially in Bake, tends to be about Araragi being mistaken about the order of events involved in a case, and/or not letting himself notice something about the girl in question that should be obvious to anyone else. But in each arc he’s usually told about the things he’s about about, and he figures out the truth in the end. So it’s super obvious how in this arc that point just . . . never quite connects. Araragi gets his moment of pointing out that the curse came after the snake-killing, but nobody steps in to push him to consider what that actually MEANS. And honestly I know that I give him a lot of slack for not really trying to get deeper into her problems, but at the same time it feels like you should really look into getting someone actual, non-supernatural help when they start killing animals to cope with their emotions. JUST SAYING.

-And yeah here’s a big reason why I find Araragi’s role in this to be kinda tragically realistic and understandable. He DOES, in his own way, start to consider Nadeko’s own emotional pain and her unhealthy way of repressing her emotions, and he DOES tell her that she doesn’t need to do that, and that she can open up to him if she wants. I think he handles the situation much better than a lot of people might. So I can’t really blame him much. Really, the major issue is just that even after hearing all this, Nadeko still doesn’t really follow his advice. Which is realistic and understandable and tragic in it’s own way. She clearly appreciates his kindness and dependability, but it doesn’t change the fact that she probably barely even knows how to comprehend and vocalize her feelings, and it doesn’t change the fact that she presumably doesn’t want to do anything more to violate her cute-girl image. She probably doesn’t want Araragi hating her, or being grossed out by her, or anything. Which just reminds me how much it also hurt me when she literally started crying when Araragi admitted that he felt kinda dirty seeing her mostly naked body. Like damn. I didn’t really talk about it at the time, but it’s honestly kinda just sad to watch how even when she was at her most exposed and vulnerable, even when she was literally begging Araragi to save her from her pain and self-loathing and how much her body feels constricted and stifling, his and Kanbaru’s reaction was mostly just to talk about Nadeko’s bloomer shorts and whatnot. Again, not really casting any blame here, but . . . damn. I don’t really know if I would have reacted any differently if I was in her shoes.

-On a different topic, I love the shot of the winding path and the river looking like two intersecting black and white snakes when seem from above. It’s a really neat image.

-’I don’t really remember that much from my childhood. My memory’s not that great’. I’m just gonna sit here and keep laughing at this whenever it gets bought up in the story. This is seriously the root of like 50% of his problems in life. It’s hilarious.

-But on a more serious note, we get yet another moment where he makes a vague yet sincere attempt at learning more about her and understanding her situation more accurately, but she doesn’t really tell him the whole truth [since he doesn’t really remember her and it’d just make things awkward if she discussed it openly] and so he obviously doesn’t really have a chance to understand the true overall situation. He clearly just ends up seeing it as something he can forget about and not dig too deeply into because ‘it doesn’t concern him’, but HOO BOY is that so not the case. It’s seriously painful how accurate and relatable it is for Nadeko to be hiding the exact truth from him, though, even if it’s unhealthy. It’s obviously worth pointing out that, just like Araragi, she also isn’t exactly aware how bad things will get for her and how much her own lack of action and communication will mess with her. And so she just continues to be evasive and quiet, while letting herself be happy that Araragi is at least being nice to her, and talking to her, and trying to understand her.

-I can just imagine Nadeko as a little girl, being pretty much alone, and envying the idea of having an older brother. Aww :C Especially when, as we learn way later in Koi, she’s pretty emotionally distant with her parents as well, and they also just mostly see her as being their cute daughter [I’m getting WAY ahead of myself and will discuss this more when we get to Koi itself, but I still vividly remember the moment of Kaiki trying to ask Nadeko’s parents to actually describe her as a person and they just . . . can’t.]

-Along the lines of what I said about the scene at the end of part one, it’s seriously uncomfortable and awkward how Nadeko gets put in a school swimsuit for this whole scene. Seeing her severe self-esteem issues and whatnot be framed through a lens of sexualization is . . . kinda disturbing. Even the fact that, even though she’s clearly not entirely comfortable with the entire situation, she still wants Araragi to look at her is kinda sad.

-Why you gotta twist the knife in my heart with all these flashbacks, anime? :C My heart just hurts so much for Nadeko on so many levels. I can perfectly understand how she so quickly and obsessively developed these feelings of romantic love and a broader desire to be seen and understood and cared for. [[Also this is a really nice instrumental remix of Renai Circulation]]

-Part of me wonders what’s going on in Nadeko’s head while she’s sitting there, praying to have her pain taken away. Part of me thinks it might just make me feel even worse if I knew.

-Oh yeah, right, this ends with them just . . . throwing the snake away and being like ‘eeeeh it’s not our issue anymore’, doesn’t it? And then lo and behold, the snake goes back to it’s sender who then gets manipulated by Ougi into attacking Kaiki. WELP. Like seriously so much of this arc is just ‘well this surely won’t come back to bite us, right???’ it’s hilarious. In a sad way. Also, I forget, but wasn’t the person who attacked Kaiki a boy, implying that the sender of the curse was the guy who confessed to Nadeko and not her friend? I can’t remember, and I forget if it’s ever even discussed. I guess it doesn’t matter that much.

-And then literally thirty seconds after I resume watching the episode, Araragi literally spells out that the guy did indeed send at least one of the snakes. Welp. I sure feel awkward now, lol. I guess I was kinda right, though, even though I forgot that BOTH of the other people sent her curses.

-Yeah this entire scene is just so goddamn uncomfortable to watch. Urgh. Seeing her writhing in pain like that is just disturbing.

-It’s still kinda surprising to me how this series manages to be more graphically violent and bloody than a good amount of anime out there. You really wouldn’t expect it. I always feel so bad for Araragi in these moments where he just gets the ever-loving shit beaten out of him.

-Oh yeah I forgot that Araragi is totally aware that it’s a really bad idea to let the snake go but he has to do it or else it’ll kill him. Huh. I guess it’s yet another thing where Araragi isn’t necessarily stupid about everything going on and the consequences of certain things, but they still turn out in such a dramatically ironic and tragic way. Welp. Though I do also like how it furthers the recurring deal with how the answer is pretty much never for Araragi to just physically beat down or tear away an oddity and solve the problem that way.

-Also, mad props for my girl Kanbaru for stepping in to stop him from getting murdered. He seriously needs people like her around or else his hero complex would have gotten him killed a thousand times over.

-It really is pretty messed up that they’re forced to perpetuate this cycle of curses and pain in order to save themselves and Nadeko. But it’s perfectly fitting for the pretty damn tragic nature of this arc and how the consequences of it play out for all involved.

-So I guess we’re meant to think that the snake sent by the other girl got successfully exorcised, and it was just the snake from the guy that was still around?

-Oh boy, and here we get into Araragi’s own issues with self-loathing. It really is sad seeing him feel undeserving of Nadeko’s gratitude because of how he had basically tried to protect the dude that placed a curse on her, and had almost died in the process. And of course it gets into his issues with being not fully human and how that messes with his self-image/worth. But at the same time I also get why Nadeko is sincerely grateful to him for saving her.

-Of course, this also leads to a really awkward yet understandable scenario where the story just . . . ends here, with Araragi clearly too defeated and depressed to even think about whether or not this actually fixed Nadeko’s root problems. Again, he’s pretty much always entirely understandable and realistic with how he never quite figures out her issues in time or succeeds in getting her to completely open up to him. He doesn’t really have the time or energy to think that he might have stopped short of the truth, so to say. And Nadeko is obviously unwilling to talk about her deeper issues, and wants to just express her genuine gratitude to him for having ‘saved her’, even if it’s pretty much only a temporary measure, as we get oh so brutally shown down the track.

-So that’s it for this arc. Now onto Tsubasa Cat. No idea how long it’ll take me to get around to it at this rate. I’m probably going to split it into two posts, focusing on parts one and two, and then three, four, and five. I’m not about to try and attempt five entire episodes at once, with this sort of set-up.

OVERALL THOUGHTS:

Inaction and miscommunication are pretty horrible, toxic things, but they’re still fundamental parts of human nature that will probably never go away. People will always have things about themselves that they don’t want to share. They’ll always have a constricting pain that’s too much to put into words. A person’s body can become something that they hate, even if it’s only so they can have something to direct their inexpressible, vague frustration and agitation and pain at. Especially when communicating and connecting with others on a deep level can be so painful. When it can lead you to just hurting them and burdening them with your feelings. When it can lead to them not properly understanding you [even if it’s partially because you don’t let yourself be properly understood]. It can be so much easier to wrap yourself in comfortable, romanticized, unchanging silence, even though a life without words is the same as dying. I’ll get more into the topic of Nadeko’s self-image and the concept of ‘being a cute girl’ later on when it becomes a bit more relevant.

This arc is an interesting one, especially in hindsight. But even the first time around, it’s still surprisingly dark and disturbing and uncomfortable to watch in a way that you’d never quite expect from how incredibly fluffy and upbeat of an OP it has [at least on the surface]. I’ve been on the outskirts of the fandom for a few years now, and it’s pretty obvious that this is among people’s most commonly disliked arcs, along with ones like Neko:Kuro and Tsuki. Though I’ve also seen people have issues with some of the pacing/exposition elements of Oni and the second half of Owari S1. But back onto this arc, I totally get why a lot of people dislike this arc. Especially when viewed on it’s own. Considering that it’s mostly interesting to examine as the first section of the overall Nadeko story arc. And obviously it’s not exactly clear to the viewer that there even IS an actual wider story arc for her until we get to about a third of the way into SS. It also doesn’t help that the TV version of this arc was apparently godawful, but I can’t really talk about that since I’ve only ever watched the BD version.

Personally I find this arc to be a fascinating start for Nadeko’s character, even if I probably didn’t like it much the first time around. But in a sense, I like it in hindsight for the same reasons I disliked it at first. Like how it seems to subtly but noticeably go against the structure of the show by having Nadeko’s issues not get truly solved. Especially if we look at it in terms of Nadeko’s perspective of events and where she’s at by the time things end. I imagine I probably also felt that the whole idea of Nadeko killing snakes felt sorta pointless, and that nobody in the story really cared about it. But that’s what makes it so tragic, I guess. It’s another way in which it goes against the grain of how the past arcs worked in a way that feels really subtly dissonant. Even when the characters acknowledge that Nadeko was doing these fucked up, violent things BEFORE she even had a curse placed on her, they don’t really stop to think ‘what exactly would lead to someone doing that?’ or ‘will those sorts of feelings and thoughts truly go away if we just get rid of this curse?’. You can’t really blame Araragi or Kanbaru for not properly understanding, for not realizing how much is going on in Nadeko’s head, and how much is festering in there and waiting to burst out in the most unhealthy way possible. She only lets people see a certain, relatively superficial side of her. And so this arc ends with the true issue not even being solved, and with only a temporary bandage put over it. And even then, the curse plaguing Nadeko just ends up stuck on it’s sender, so even that’s barely solved or gotten rid of. And obviously we end specifically on the note of Araragi being depressed and unable to accept any praise for what genuine good he did, and Nadeko being genuinely grateful for what he did, while not even fully understanding for herself what’s in store.

So basically this arc doesn’t resolve anything, it simply introduces Nadeko and her problems, and sets the stage for how these issues become so much more serious and lethal later on. And in that sense it’s pretty fascinating, even if it’s divisive.

Nadeko is one of my favourite characters in the show and I’m really happy to have a chance to talk about her. Even if I worry that I might end up repeating myself a lot when the story gets back to her, since I covered so much here already.

[scenarios-on-ice]

That you are!

“Ma'am, I don’t know what you’ve heard, but whatever it is- either Furuta or the toxic side of the YoI fandom started it!”

I used to be firmly for Trans!Mutsuki but now I’m not so sure. I’m mostly just annoyed and kinda sad at how this particular issues is tearing the fandom apart…keeping away from major spoilers, when Saiko was trying to ask Mutsuki about something important a few chapters back Mutsuki was like “So….yeah. You figured out that I’m actually a girl.” and then abruptly left. That was mostly where the doubt started: Mutsuki refered to themself as a ‘girl’. Did this stem from insecurity about revealing themself as trans or was it because Mutsuki actually sees themself as female?

And then later on, “I’m almost embarrassingly female.” Does this mean that they find their female body a burden/embarrassing, or that they can’t help but acknowledge that yes, they do identify as female in the end? Doesn’t help that their expression during this scene is very difficult to read (the scene itself is quite disturbing in nature as well).

Then people started connecting the dots. During the auction arc Mutsuki once said to themself ‘It’s not that I think like a man’ and was disgusted when they felt men’s gazes following them. Add this to "I want to ‘live’ as a man" instead of “I 'am’ a man” and the fact that they were probably molested by their father as a child and the theory that maybe they’re just pretending to be male because even as they fear men, they believe being male to be a symbol of power, one that will keep them safe, becomes quite a bit more plausible.

Even more confusing since most of Mutsuki 'I am female’ moments seem to come during mental breakdowns so the fandom is up in arms about that too. Does the mental breakdown mean that they’re not in their right mind and just rambling, or does it make them speak the truth and stop hiding (like Kaneki’s memory breakdown during the Tsukiyama arc; it was then he finally stopped warping/denying his own memories about his mother)?

I personally believe that Mutsuki might turn out to be female after all (especially since this is a Japanese manga; Japan might be more accepting of the LGBTQ community than other East-Asian countries but from what I’ve learned it’s still got quite a bit of prejudice and stereotyping going on and LGBTQ individuals are viewed differently from how they are in the West. It would also tie in with Ishida’s overall writing style) but I don’t bash those who believe them to be trans because I really, really wanted them to be trans too…

I just wish the fandom would stop being so aggressive about this ;-;

(That parody tho)

True, true, Jean would make a good Angelica ^^ as for Dear Theodosia, don’t most of Burr’s songs fit really well with Jean? I think it’s proof that the Jean-Burr casting was meant to be.

OH YEAH I totally forgot about that. Hide-Peggy makes much more sense now XD they should form an 'awesome forgotten characters’ club!

Speaking of Hinami though, SPOILER but apparently she’s going to meet Akira soon.

Yeah, the only realy Hamilton AU we could achieve with TG is one where characters are forced into roles that don’t necessarily fit their personalities and therefore changes the outcome of the story (which could actually be a good thing; for example, if we cast Amon as Hamilton Say No To This would never happen).

But wait (lol). Doesn’t Urie actually fit much better with Burr?

In that case, it doesn’t matter who we cast. Urie-Burr would probably make the exact same mistakes as Musical!Burr did (if we’re talking about pre-character development Urie).

Well, to make up for Hide’s second death (who am I kidding nothing could make up for that) you now have the mental image of Tsukiyama rapping Guns and Ships at Yoshimura-Washington (or Shinohara-Washington).

And Koma like

“THE DEVIL APE A BARISTA SPYING ON THE CCG I TAKE THEIR COFFEE ORDERS, INFORMATION, AND THEN I SMUGGLE IT UP TO KANEKI’S REVOLUTIONARY COVENANT I’M RUNNING WITH THE GHOULS OF LIBERTY AND I AM LOVIN’ IT SEE, THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU’RE UP AGAINST THE RUFFIANS WE IN THE SHIT NOW, SOMEBODY’S GOTTA SHOVEL IT ENJI KOMA, I NEED NO INTRODUCTION WHEN YOU KNOCK ME DOWN, I GET THE FUCK BACK UP AGAIN”

(I could probably have made it rhyme/fit in with the actual lyrics if I wanted to but unfortunately I’m too lazy OTL maybe some other time

Also fun fact if you didn’t get to that point in the manga: Kaneki does have his own 'ghouls of liberty’ now)

As for Furuta, I think he’s probably going to get a tragic backstory too- everyone in TG gets the angst treatment. Ishida’s probably going to expand on his daddy issues. Also, there’s that one birthday poem Ishida wrote for him that strongly implies he’s suicidal/places little value on his own life, plus the fact that we can already assume he had a terrible childhood.

I’ve never heard of that anime but now you make me want to watch it…is it really worth a watch despite the 'wth’ elements? (Your Lie in April was the only exception I made for romance animes, but I’m willing to give anything a try as long as it’s got decent character development, is respectful with whatever themes it chooses to handle and doesn’t have too much fanservice (because frankly I find anime fanservice more cringey than anything…I always feel so embarrassed for everyone involved when it happens XD)).

And oh, thanks for letting me know! :D I hope it wasn’t too weird of a request ^^;;

Thank you so much for the ‘ripped s/o’ request! :D I really liked it!

Like, maybe it’s just me but I think Viktor (once he got used to it) and/or Chris might actually think it was hot. Dunno, just, in VIktuuri I can see Viktor being the sub (plus it’s kinda obvious that he’s really, really into Eros!Yuuri) so I think he’d find the idea of his s/o being a powerhouse appealing…especially since they don’t look it outwardly (what with being so smol and cute). He’d probably be determined to 'unleash the beast’ lol

(or maybe it’s just my personal bias because while I don’t have much of a preference when it comes to figure I still think muscular women look great)

Yuuri would probably be very much in awe once he recovered from the shock.

As for JJ, I think once he stopped flailing around his reaction would be a mix of betrayal and slight jealousy- “Wait, so all those times I was totally not struggling to carry you bridal style, you could have told me there was a reason you’re so heavy! And also, did you just let me treat you like a fragile doll when you were actually (not) stronger than me all along? WERE YOU JUST STROKING MY EGO BABE NO

Also let’s go to the gym together as soon as possible because I cannot wait to kick your ass

Nobody is allowed to be stronger than the King JJ

Not even his girlfriend”

Then s/o picks him up, throws him over her shoulder and takes him to his bedroom like 'boi, you need to calm down’

Peek-a-boo!

“Nimura Furuta died this morning (if only). I need a favour.”

That seems so complicated >_< I think I’m gonna stick to trans!Mutsuki (referring with he/him), simply because I haven’t reached that part in the manga and am still in the ‘Mu is male’ mode. Yeee, I don’t wanna go into that part of the fandom, I get enough shit from the yoi fandom already. Gaah, it really is complicated. I mean, I’m open to any Mu and don’t quite care if he decides to be male/female or genderfluid or whatever. I just want everyone to be happy ;-; And that’ll never happen because we’re talking about TG here. No one can be happy. It’s simple impossible.

The only thing we need now is a Hamilton for Jean... Ye, I don’t quite think we’ll be getting one. Except for Eren, but that LEAVES ALL THE PROBLEMS WE’VE DISCUSSED. SHIT. I’d pay to see Jean singing Dear Theodosia. 

We can add Hide and Peggy to the club of forgotten characters along with Hinami (she is being forgotten it seems) and a few other characters I can’t think of right now XD

That’s the problem with TG. Most AUs are impossible, since the characters just don’t fit the roles nicely, they’re too grey to fit in. Gdi Ishida, you love making us suffer.

Oh yeah, Urie would be the best Burr! He’s a calculating character who’ll kinda suck ass to advance in positions. To think that this guy’s my favourite character along with Haise/Kaneki and Ayato...

I WANNA SEE TSUKIYAMA RAPPING HELL YEAH  HIS ACCENT WOULD MAKE IT SO MUCH BETTER LIKE, HED BE ABLE TO IMITATE LAFF SO WELL I AM CRYING HELP

You’ve seen my ‘I’ll manipulate everyone out’, didn’t you? That one fits evem worse than this, so shush.  I did reach that part, tho. One of the last things I remember is that hella sexy white suit Kaneki panel. I liked that one a lot ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Doesn’t everyone in TG basically have a tragical backstory, though? Like, name one (1) character who lived a nice and happy life without daddy issues suicidal stuff and so on.  There are none I can remember. Well, I guess you could say that Tsukiyama had a pretty nice childhood, but he’s pretty messed up now, so I don’t count him. 

Hmm, I think some people would be able to ignore them, but I’m pretty sure that you wouldn’t like the anime. I mean, it’s quite rushed with little character development and has sO MANY WTH MOMENTS, HE’S 15 FOR FUCKS SAKE, WHY DOES HE SLEEP NAKED WHY ARE THERE SO MANY INNUENDOS WHY DO THEY KISS IT LOOKS CREEPY WHYYYYY

No, don’t watch that anime. If you want to watch a romance anime that’s really good and has development, watch Kyoukai no Kanata. AND MAGI. AND HOUKAGO NO PLEIADES. I can always hit you up with anime suggestions if you need them *finger guns (and ships)*

Ooh, I like those additions so much! Would you mind if I added them to the actual post?