#i was disappointed by the wailing
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There's something at the tip of my tongue about the parallels between Jackie and Wilson and Who We Are
How the narrator of Jackie and Wilson wants to run away with a woman that he's carved out of his imagination based on a brief interaction. How they would try the world, but good god it wasn't for them. So they run away from it into a fantasy world where they live by their own rules.
And then comes the narrator of Who We Are, who dreamt his whole life of finding someone who would hold him like water or like a knife, only to find that running away from the world will only get them so far, since "the hardest part is who we are". And only to find out that the "phantom life" he's fantasized about is actually just that: a phantom. And its absence sharpens like a knife
#hozier#sahar stfu about hozier#I'm aware that on the surface these songs are not really about the same thing#but there's something about the way that j&w narrator craves the fantasy he speaks of#that reminds me so much of the voice of Who We Are who thinks he realizes the fantasy only to watch it become a nightmare#and the contrast between the dream-fuelled lyrics of J&W that evoke daring adventures on the wide opened desert#and the sharp concise biting lyrics of who we are sung in tired resignation#and followed by near-wailing at the end#that just sticks out to me so much#it's like the whole of Unreal Unearth is just a sequence of the various voices of the self-titled album coming back#sometimes disillusioned#sometimes exhausted#sometimes resigned#sometimes wise#sometimes at peeace#sometime enraged#to sing about their most bitter disappointments and the harshest lessons they've learned over the years#and I can't stop thinking about it
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DUDE, HOLD UP. IT'S ONLY 12-ISH DAYS UNTIL THE NEXT WELCOME HOME UPDATE.
#MAN DONT TALK TO ME IM STILL IN MOURNING#snf. sob. wail. cry. wheeze. hack snf cough#IM SO EXCITED BUT IM SO SO SO SAD#man... why do i have to start working Two Days before the update....#hoping and praying that theyre like 'oh yeah you have to do the earlier shift sorry </3 i know you wanted the later one </3'#PLEEEASSEEEEE GIVE ME THE EARLIER SHIFT#ID HATE IT IN THE LONG RUN BUT AT LEAST ID BE THERE ON TIME. AT LEAST ID BE THERE#im so upset.... im gonna be crying in the car after work i just know it#man...#once i for sure know my schedule ill hold a poll#to see whether or not i should do the stream at all#i doubt that most people would Wait!#rambles from the bog#im so devastated man. the One Thing i've been hoping for. sigh#i mean i expect disappointment bc this always happens to me whenever i look forward to something lmao but still
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1988 Phantom of the Opera (Partial) Viewing Experience at The New York Public Library for the Performing Arts, Theatre on Film and Tape Archive. July, 2024
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After learning that it’s possible to make appointments at the NY Library Archive and that they allow viewing of all closed Broadway official recordings for research purposes, I happily booked an appointment. But because I was rushing after watching Cat the Jellicle Ball in the afternoon (great show btw!) and got lost and took the wrong subway, I arrived after 5 PM, and the archive closes at 6 PM. This meant I couldn’t finish watching, so I knew I'd have to come back next time. The archive staff checked my bag and allowed me to bring in paper, a pen, and my phone.
I realized I didn’t have much time, so I thought I’d focus on the key parts. But then, disaster struck again—the computer was about as old as I am, and even my elementary school computer was more advanced. The interface was really difficult to use, and I didn’t really know how to fast-forward or rewind properly, so after wasting 10 minutes, I gave up and decided to just watch it as it was. 😂
(Sorry for any grammar mistakes, English is not my first language)
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**1988 Phantom Review**
The opening captured the surrounding audience, since this was a performance with a live audience. The video quality was average, but if AI restoration becomes possible someday, that would be great. It wasn’t bad, just the typical quality you'd expect from the 1980s.
The Overture was particularly intriguing. I had read in other reviews that there was a female voice, so I was curious, and it turned out there really was a soprano singing along with the Overture, with an “ah—” as the chandelier slowly rose. It sounded quite Gothic. (I wonder when this was introduced and when it was discontinued, as I’ve never heard this version before. It must have been used for a very short period.)
Sarah danced throughout, but there was a moment where she seemed a bit confused, though she quickly resumed dancing normally. After the first part of Hannibal, Carlotta practiced her voice while the old manager introduced everything with a cheerful and enthusiastic tone, rather than the usual tired one (I couldn’t tell if this was because someone else was taking over this mess of a theater or if it was just his naturally cheerful demeanor lol). The conductor squatted down with the sheet music, communicating with the orchestra while waving his arms. I have to say, the immersive experience of the Bucket Show was quite something.
During the iconic “He’s there, the Phantom of the Opera!” line, a male voice also shouted, “There’s a ghost!” Huh?? I hadn’t noticed that before. It seems that the original cast of the Broadway production used British accents (even though most of them, except MC and Sarah, should have been American).
Carlotta looked so small compared to the manager, haha. After getting angry, she said “Ubaldo, Andiamo” in a very deep voice, which I think was the first time I heard that line delivered in a lower register.
Madame Giry asked, “Will the Viscount be at tonight’s performance?” and the manager replied, “Of course, he’ll be in our box.” I don’t think these lines are in the current production anymore; at least, they weren’t in the 25th-anniversary performance.
TOM:
Sarah was so skinny! She really was the wide-eyed ingénue type, with her large eyes. Her dress seemed more teal than green. She wasn’t the lively, bouncy type, but rather, every movement was slow and gentle, and her voice is with lots of vibrato.
Steve Barton’s loud “BRAVO” during the recollection scene was followed by soft, broken out sentences full of laughter, making it seem like he was lost in a beautiful memory.
After TOM, Sarah kept talking and nodding with the conductor, probably reviewing the performance. When MC’s “Bravi” came out, Sarah fell into deep thought until Meg came over and startled her. Meg was super cute, and Sarah’s Christine maintained a frozen, pensive expression while talking to Meg, not really happy until she sang “Angel of Music, guide and guardian, grant to me your glory!” and finally smiled. When Madame Giry said, “Come and practice,” it sounded like there was a male voice saying “Asshole” (though I didn’t see this in anyone else’s report, so it might have been me lacking sleep and hallucinated, or perhaps a spectator’s accidental comment was recorded).
Steve Barton is truly the best Raoul, bars none! He exudes both gentleness and elegance, while his voice carries the excitement and joy of someone who has just fallen in love. When he sees Christine, his face lights up with a smile, and when he says "SOAKED to the skin" to her, he really emphasizes the word "SOAKED" with a pause. Similarly, when he says "Little Lottie," he pronounces it pointedly, like "Li—ttle Lo—ttie," as if savoring the name with each syllable. Sarah’s Christine is also very happy to see Raoul, but when she mentions the Angel, her expression turns pensive and melancholy again. Christine initially declines the dinner invitation, but when Raoul says, "No no, you must change, 2 mins, MY little Lottie" (“MY"!), Sarah’s Christine ends up smiling and looking amused. Because of this, it doesn’t seem like Raoul is being overbearing; it feels like, for a brief moment, the two of them have mutually agreed to go to dinner. It’s only after Raoul turns away that Christine realizes, "Oh no, I can’t go—everything has changed." (Could be me reading too much into it)
When Sarah's Christine first heard MC’s Phantom, she wasn’t scared—it was just… a normal expression when Sarah's Christine thought of the Phantom, the pensive kind, until the “enter at last, master” line when she smiled. MC’s Phantom in the mirror was really… creepy, especially with the makeup and lighting.
(At this point, my notes became too messy to decipher… I was probably too excited at the time.)
Title Song:
During the boat scene, Christine looked very happy, while the Phantom leaned slightly as if about to touch Christine’s face (probably during the “Where night is blind” line).
MOTN:
MC’s Phantom had noticeable… eye bags, lol. MC’s rendition of MOTN felt like a lullaby, but with a Gothic allure. The body language was similar to Sarah’s TOM, with every movement slow and deliberate, very graceful (maybe due to the original stage direction by Gillian Lynne). Sarah's Christine looked somewhat hypnotized. During “Turn your thoughts away from cold unfeeling light,” MC’s Phantom’s fingers almost touched Sarah’s face, coming close to a kiss before pulling away. MC’s “Soar” & “Be” was super long and well-sung. Another part I liked was when, possibly due to the height difference, MC’s Phantom slightly hunched over during “Floating, falling,” making him look extra creepy. It also felt like, after maintaining such an elegant demeanor for so long, MC’s Phantom was finally losing some composure as he got closer to Christine. During “The music that I write,” MC’s voice was particularly seductive, and his lower register was impressive.
Since this was the Broadway version, when Christine was Christine ightened and fainted, the Phantom didn’t carry her. MC’s Phantom looked more like he was in a composed shock—surprised but not panicked, and he gently covered Christine with the cloak. The monkey music box didn’t work well in this performance, lol, as it didn’t play any music (even in the official recording, lol).
When Sarah's Christine woke up, she wasn’t the playful, cute, and mischievous type (like Sierra in 25th Anniversary, and many others). Sarah's Christine looked curious but also more anxious, as if she was unease waking up in a strange environment, which is honestly a very logical reaction after woke up at a strange place, and quite Leroux. When she sang “who’s the face in the mask,” her face showed more fear (though, speaking of which, while its believable for Sarah’s Christine to act anxious when woke up, it’s a bit unbelievable that Sarah's Christine, who seemed so uneasy and scared, would dare to remove the Phantom’s mask. I think I prefer a more playful Christine but that’s more of a personal preference).
After revealing the mask, Sarah's Christine cried and wailed a lot (she seemed very scared, poor girl). MC’s Phantom… my notes got messy again here (probably because I was too excited), but the dialogue used “vixen” instead of “viper.” MC’s Phantom also cried and groaned in pain, crawling toward Christine. I remember he turned his face toward Christine without covering it (though it was hard to see the disfigurement makeup in the dark), reaching out his arm, pleading, and letting out a super sad, sobbing “Oh Christine…” After getting the mask back, MC’s Phantom reached out as if to caress Christine’s face but switched to using his wrist at the last second.
In the Magical Lasso scene, there was a brief glimpse of the Phantom and C. The original Broadway Madame Giry really had a strong witch-like aura, haha.
Then I fast-forwarded because the library was about to close. I remember Sarah’s Christine as the Page Boy was *super* cute. Honestly, that was probably the cutest and most lively I saw Sarah's Christine. Then I fast-forwarded to the rooftop scene, where Sarah’s Christine had her usual fearful attitude toward the Phantom. When singing “So distorted, deformed,” her face seemed to show… a look of disgust (oh nooooo!). But when she sang “in that night, there was music in my mind,” she smiled again. She’s truly a Christine who’s more in love with the Voice... Then the staff had finished clearing the other tables, so I also got up to leave. Through fast-forwarding, it seems like Christine and Raoul had lots of hugs and such. I really hope I can go to NY on a business trip again soon and have time to visit the library to watch the official recording! Next time, I hope I can take my time and enjoy it slowly from start to finish.
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**Personal Reflections**:
Steve Barton needs no further discussion—eternally the best! I've always thought of him as the steady, noble, and gentle Prince Charming type of Raoul. After watching (a portion of) the official recording, I realized that Barton’s Raoul also has a very lively and passionate side, full of the excitement of a young man in love. His voice is full of teasing warmth, especially when he first encounters Christine. Unfortunately, I didn't get to see much of the rooftop scene, but he seems to exude gentleness. In summary, he's a perfect Raoul!
As for Sarah's Christine... uh, well, I have mixed feelings. I've heard others praise Sarah, saying she has a very classical Gothic 19th-century vibe, so my expectations were quite high. I was imagining a mysterious woman with her head in the clouds. Of course, there are also criticisms of her acting, saying it's somewhat lacking (I shall never forgot that one critic was like “She can’t act scared in NY subway at 3am” or something, which is quite mean). After watching this segment of the official recording, I feel... there were some elements in both? She is indeed a graceful, intellectual Christine, with many secrets buried deep in her heart. Her facial expressions seem fine to me, mostly seem pensive and wistful, definitely able to act scared and unsettled. Maybe it's because her Christine always seems deeply burdened, so her expressions often appear serious. But when it comes to her interactions with the Phantom... it feels like her Christine doesn't really love him. Christine only seems truly happy when the Phantom is acting as her Angel of Music or when he has her completely under his spell, but once the Angel leaves or when she's not controlled by the music, Christine immediately returns to reality, filled with unease. Also, during the rooftop scene when describing the Phantom's face, Sarah's Christine actually shows disgust, which really shocked me because I usually see this moment as one of fright (at the Phantom's actions and ferocity) rather than revulsion at his face. So, it's hard to judge—paired with Barton's flawless Raoul, it feels like Sarah’s Christine would be very willing to leave the Phantom. She does give off Leroux Christine’s melancholy and pensive energy——a woman with many secrets, and I really like that about her.
MC’s Phantom—it's a pity I couldn't see the later scenes where the Phantom truly lets loose and explodes. However, from the parts I did see, MC's Phantom is a very classic Gothic "monster." His movements are slow and graceful, yet strangely seductive, and at the same time, quite creepy, especially with the makeup and lighting. His voice is very controlled—except when he's too close to Christine or when his mask is removed, he generally seems like a Phantom who is mostly in strict control of himself. He's very restrained, always keeping his movements and interactions with Christine just on the edge of touching, almost kissing, but then pulls back at the last second (which aligns with the original choreography and the director's intent to express suppressed desire). His anger, perhaps due to the nature of his voice, isn't one of raging madness but more of sadness followed by painful wails, full of pleading. His control over his voice and how he used that to convey emotions is just so captivating and heartbreaking. Oh, how I wish I could see MC's final lair scene, as MC's Phantom is really one who is very composed and elegant most of the time (honestly, it’s more like the Phantom in Kay's novel—one can understand how the old-school Phantoms influenced Susan Kay's inspiration). And I really want to see MC's Phantom with other Christines, like Dale Kristien. I know she’s one of the most supportive of the Erik/Christine relationship and is a fan of MC. I'm very curious how MC and she would perform together.
#poto#phantom of the opera#christine daae#raoul de chagny#erik the phantom#the phantom of the opera#sarah brightman#michael crawford#steve barton#tbh now that I saw 1990 LA bootleg of MC I gotta say his final lair doesn’t disappoint#so much wailing and crying he’s breaking down#the way his voice was void of emotion after being kissed then gradually can’t hold back anymore#amazing#now I really want to see how he acts against Sarah and Steve in final lair
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[image description: a photo of the Jenny From Thebes vinyl from the merch store listing. it's wrapped in clear plastic, and a sticker on the plastic has the album title, details, and barcode, along with the text "Nine songs leading up to the day Jenny bought the Kawasaki, two from the immediate aftermath, and one from a distant highway down the road." end ID]
HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN THIS. HI FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELLO.
Nine songs leading up to the day Jenny bought the Kawasaki, two from the immediate aftermath, and one from a distant highway down the road.
#I WAS HOPING SOOOOOO BAD FOR AN ALBUM SUBTITLE LIKE THAT TO CALL BACK TO AHWT#and holy shit i was NOT disappointed. oh my godddddddd.#img#orig#described#jenny from thebes#the mountain goats#tmg#also THEY HAVE PHOTOS OF THE VINYL AND ITS SO PRETTY.#sobbing and wailing over the white and gold one having been sold out by the time i ordered mine <///3 it looks so pretty i love it so much
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this is absolutely devastating.
#VYN. MY VYN CARD. NOOOOOO#FML I WOULDNT HAVE PULLED FOR ARTEM IF I KNEW#IM CRYING#TBIS IS MORE DEVASTATING THAN LOSING WANDERER TO MONA LAST YEAR#SCREAMING CRYING SOBBING WAILING THROWING UP KICKING THE WALL STAMPING MY FEET THROWING A TANTRUM#MY DISAPPOINTMENT IS IMMESURABLE AND MY DAY IS RUINED#RUINED I TELL U ☹️☹️☹️
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ok ive had enough can wilbur come back to streaming again
#i miss him. so much#i miss my meow meow dearly#if my ancestors saw me shaking sobbing wailing over this white man who doesnt know i exist theyd be INCREDIBLY disappointed
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🔥 MY MALEWAIFU HAS ASCENDED 🔥
LVL 90 THOMA!! LEGGOOOO
(shout out to @crystalflygeo, @st4gg3r-mc-j4gg3r, and @harley627 for helping me w his ascension mats these past couple days!! ❤️🧡💛)
XINGQIU, YOU'RE NEXT...
#kel.plays genshin ◇#lvl 90 thoma#his final ascension voice line tho 😭😭😭#“my strength is your shield and i will always be here to protect you.” //rip here lies kel 🪦#still a wip#YES THAT'S A FUCKING ANEMO GOBLET DO NOT PERCEIVE ME 🫣#I CAN'T HELP THAT THIS DAMN GAME GIVES ME /THE WORST/ ARTIFACT STATS OKAY??#why does EM have to be the rarest stat?? *wails*#i want him on a 4pc paradise lost and i only have dendro and anemo goblets 😩#and nahida has my only dendro one#*heavy sigh*#just so y'all know dragon's bane is a highly underrated weapon for him#it's not my first choice but it's the best polearm i have for him rn AND IT DOES NOT DISAPPOINT#thoma
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wizard save me
wizard
save me wizard
#wails and sobs and cries#not really i havent cried much bc i just feel so disappointed LOL#its only another month whatever. but its the fact that they cancelled DAY OF#after waiting for so long already#itll be half a year by the next scheduled date#and if they need to reschedule then well. i don't know#wizard save me. he'd reassure me
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ohhhhh gaming we're really in it now
#why are some of his voicelines so ;-; like it's not obvious from text alone but after you listen to it the tone is so waaaa#also his fucking stories????? they're giving pure distilled asian parents energy#a mommas boy and a father's disappointment jeez i need to give him a hug#he fits perfectly into my favorite character type: just a guy#oh never mind im sobbing at his letter from his mom. man. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA god#man ................. wailing screaming etc this is too like my parents im gonna cry ga-ming....#man. MAN!!!!!!!!!!! he's too real for all this. no more ship fics i need to see introspection now#ramblings!#genshin spoilers#sorta....#ga-ming#gaming#gaming genshin#oh man OTL your honor i love him i love him i love him. INSANELY attached
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i liked yk4 but oh yk0 you've really spoiled me...
#all of the games have such blatant flaws that could've been adjusted but yk0 is the one that's done it best by far imo#which makes sense considering its time of development but. wails. i miss you every day...#these other games are good but nothing will quite hit the same i think. at least not so far#don't get me wrong - i'm enjoying these games! very much! but i'm also fairly easy to please#when it comes to actual critique i am. disappointed. honestly...#it's like they're pulling their punches. please. . .#jestersvaguely#ykza tag
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If you make brisket and you don't put a good dry rub on it I'm going to kill you
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Thinking about how when I was 13 and new on tumblr I convinced myself I was autistic and then when I was 14 I convinced myself I wasn't autistic and then when I was 17 I thought maybe I was autistic and now at 22 I'm 100% sure I'm autistic. Thinking about how until I was about 12 years old, whenever I was experiencing joy at any intensity at all, my first response would be to literally say "EEEEEEEE" not like a squeal or anything just normal speaking voice drawing out the letter E, and if I was texting then I'd type it out just like that. Thinking about autism
#personal#thinking about how i was always like 'well i cant be autistic because i dont flap my hands and i dont have meltdowns'#(neither of those are even requirements to be autistic to begin with)#and then i would go sit down in front of a tv and directly literally plainly flap my hands for an hour watching doctor who#and then crumple into a ball on the floor and wail for 20 minutes because my mom made instant mashed potatoes instead of fresh#but she just said she was making mashed potatoes so i assumed they would be fresh and was disappointed when they were not#'im not autistic i dont do the autism things' they said autistically autisming around the room
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ABOUT TO WATCH THE FNAF MOVIE
I NEED TO SEE THAT OLD MAN DIE ON SCREEN.
#I NEED TO WATCH THE LIGHT LEAVE HIS EYES IN A PUDDLE OF HIS OWN BLOOD#literally my only wish for this movie is to see him fuckign die#that asshole has been Coming Back since i was in 7/8th fucking grade#KILL HIM KILL HIM DIE DIE DIE#if youve already seen it Dont Say A Thing#i will either be mildly disappointed or gloriously vindicated#absolutely unprompted#pleaseeeeee let him die on screen#please please please i need to see that old man impaled a thousand times over and Screaming Agonized Wails
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Now have the braincells to draw but am too hurty to draw. Hell
#throwing a fit kicking things hurling myself to the ground rolling around screaming yelling wailing sobbing-#nah fr this is kind of disappointing. like man I wanna be working on drawings. I’ve been having fun lately
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finally visited inazuma pixiv after a while. To feel something
#also feeling it in my bones that i miss my areori kids. get your shit together bar#i havent finished my s1 rewatch. its been months since i last touched it n NOW THE STREAMING WEBSITE IS GONE?-!$?:?&)$?&#WAIWT I JUST REALIZED. THE STREAMING SITE IS GONE wailing wailing wailing#ive known for a while that its shutting down n i was only disappointed bc i was on a detco rewatch#i forgor i was rewatching s1 as wellgkdkgkrovjgorogkgkd fakmen........#ik inaire must still be out there somewhere but augh it was such a great website. rip#barasbs
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...............
#ignore this ignore it#theres nothing in the tags its literally digital air#ladadeeda dadodidodaaaaa#that should be enough space#yeah yeah cringe wailing on main because im stressed#sue me#but im just#so fucking tired#nothing i do is ever good enough for anyone and yet#theyre still there expecting and being disappointed and#cutting into me because im not doing enough#but neither the fuck are they#there are countless things i could snap at them about#but i dont because thats not right#but they dont care how they make ME feel#make me want to end everything while acting like their the ones who are hurt#for fucks sake just tell me how to make you happy#for one goddamn minute#because i dont know and im sick of trying#to figure it out and being met with that same attitude of#youre not giving enough effort#youre not doing enough#im hurt but i never give a fuck about how you feel#because youre just fine#no im not fine#im fucking numb because if im not numb then im going to explode#and i cant do that#so i persist and hate existing a little more each time
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