#i was crying when ghost stopped moving. I'm crying more now. yay.

[probablynotcayde-6]

destiny has no reason to make me cry at 1:49 on a Saturday but it does anyways

[for-dramas-sake]

The Starry Love ep 37, 38 thoughts

Yetan IS the Void Devil now. She is the most dangerous thing for the Void. Everyone is legit scared of her and her powers, but she wants to use them to get revenge. I love the twist.

Everyone is so uncomfortable with the new leader situation. There's conflict of feelings and fear everywhere, even Chaofeng is uncomfortable. Then there's Yetan who is just pissed.

That was sweet of Yetan to give the tree root to Chaofeng (a sentence I didn't think I'd ever write). Their relationship has improved for the wrong reasons.

Sending the memory-wiped husband to kill his now devil wife? Sounds like a good plan to me.

This drama continues to break my heart. Just when I was moving on from Qingkui's death, the drama has this sad scene with Yetan imagining her in the Void clinic!This girl needs a hug, but her husband is on the way to kill her. And her best friend is also dead. Yetan's life is so miserable. She had a terrible childhood, had a short-lived romance, and now she's back to having a miserable life. Can she ever get a break?

Omo! I was half-joking about the heavenly divorce and now the empress just did it! (gasp) That emperor….grrr.

The Immortal twins are playing mahjang! Their inability to play is adorable. But then again anything they do is adorable.

My emotions! Youqin and Yetan meet but he's forgotten her! She has not forgotten, however, how to dispel his star formation! So glad that was called back! And then she attacks him because she can help him remember her.

Their fight dance was so beautiful and that music too! He can't kill her. Good news for now and more good news the calvary is here with Ziwu, Qingheng and Di Lanjue! Yay!

I just realized how many burdens Yetan has taken on. She tried to save her sister from marrying Youqin, tried to save her sister from the Void, brought Youqin's soul shards together to bring him back, took on the Void Emperor for revenge, plans to take on the Immortal Emperor for Chaofeng's revenge, plans to bring back Suzhi's parents through the Soul Gathering Lamp. Then the girl has the gall to want to save her husband? She wants to do so much for so many people. I admire her for that.

Thank God that Yetan's dad shows up (did he just walk into the Void?) and gives her an encouraging pep talk and that hug she needed. He still isn't my favorite dad in this series, but he's getting better.

I hate to say it but I've given up hope for Qingheng and Suzhi. She's shot him down so many times and then she's on a mission of her own which is directly against his dad. They could have been cute but we may have gone too far for them.

Uh-oh. Immortal Emperor is worried about Youqin remembering the unsavory parts of his past. Why the heck hasn't anyone told Youqin earlier about Yetan?! Hints aren't going to be enough. A good to slap to the head should do it.

Yes! He's starting to remember! And it wasn't a big show or even a slap to the head! It was the Rooftop Swallow star, HER star.

When he returned the star to her, freaking loved that scene! And then she's just welcomed back as the consort of the Empyrean? Ha! Sticking it to the Emperor!

These Heavenly Emperors are such dicks. Their hard-hearted natures make them slaughter many lives and push their family members away. Where is the remorse, the regret, the realization that being a dick isn't the way?

Shit. Yetan killed another emperor. Oh no, wait. She just killed his powers off for good. And then marched out of Heaven like a boss!

Yetan and Youqin are couple goals. I could do without the meddling evil parent, but the "I'll stick with you to the end" commitment they have I want that. And Youqin now takes care of Yetan because she can barely take care of herself. She's like a ghost wandering around with no purpose and he has to take care of her.

I'm done crying for this drama! Can we please stop with the tears? But we have 2 episodes left.

If you made it this far and want to continue, I thank you. Here are more episodes:

35, 36 / 33, 34 / 31, 32 / 29,30 / 27,28 / 25,26 / 23, 24 / 21, 22 / 19, 20 / 17,18 / 15,16 / 13,14 / 11, 12 / 9, 10 / 7, 8 / 5, 6 / 3, 4 / 1, 2

[swimmingclassicrockpizzawombat]

Okokok, I said that I was thinking about writing BJ fanfics, but I didn't share my ideas with you!

Now, I only have the outline for the stories which I included below (this contains spoilers for them btw). And, I can't garantee that I'll write them (we'll see, and we'll also see if I can pull them off).

I should also warn you that they're quite cheesy (I'm lonely and it shows) lol

Even though I said they're mostly self-indulgent, I hope at least one of these ideas interest someone lmao.

*MY FIC IDEAS*

• Summoning A Demon To Keep You Company:

One particular night when you're lonely, you decide to summon a demon to feel less alone. That's how you met Beej.

After learning that you're both lonely you make a deal, you say his name and in return he keeps you company.

You were a little distrustful, but since you were already planning on summoning a demon you just go "fuck it" and say his name three times. Coming to your senses the next day, you think of banishing him, but you don't know how, and of course, he doesn't let you and convinces you not to.

Now you have to learn to live with a demon, including finding ways to make him shower after he finds out you have difficulty sleeping and keeps insisting on cuddling you, "to help ya out babes", he said (not to mention that there's only one bed and he forgot to tell you he doesn't need to sleep, yes I'm using that trope, sue me). Eventually he grows on you and you find out you have feelings for him.

What ensues is learning how to deal with the fact that you have feelings for a literal dead guy, and eventually when he confesses how to banish him and you realize you still want him in your life, what it's like dating him.

• Soulmates AU:

In which everyone has a soulmate (duh), and receives a necklace when they're born that lights up whenever you're near your soulmate, but turns black when they die.

Yours has been black ever since you were born, which hurt at first but eventually made you come to terms with the fact that you would never meet your soulmate. That is until one day you discover there's an afterlife and maybe there's a way for you to contact them.

Attempting to contact your soulmate, something goes wrong and a demon runs away with you necklace, so you hire the renowned demon Betelgeuse to help you get it back and find your soulmate. In the process of doing this you both fall for each other and angst ensues as neither of you admit your feelings or feel like you can't be together (since y'know, you're looking for your soulmate).

***SPOILER***

If you couldn't already tell, the plot twist of this fic is that he was your soulmate all along. Eventually you guys find out, confess your feelings for each other and, yay! Happy Ending! Or is it? After that, it's just stories of what it's like to be with your soulmate or maybe how that doesn't fix every problem in a relationship or idk I never got this far when concocting this idea.

• Childhood Friends AU:

Where you and Beej meet as children since he was the tiny demon haunting your house and you were the only person in there who could see ghosts. At first you have a rivalry and hate each other. He liked causing chaos and getting you in trouble so you tried to stop him. One night though, he sees you crying and comforts you, eventually opening up to you about his mother. And you two become bff's after that. You grow up and are always there for each other.

Then when you're teens, you start crushing on him, but Juno forces him to get a job as a Netherworld guide (which he hates) and he starts dating another ghost. You stop seeing each other as often, as you're both too busy with other stuff. You eventually move on with your life.

Years later you start seeing someone, just as BJ starts growing more and more frustrated with his job. He decides to change things up a little and start working in secret as what he calls a "bio-exorcist", Juno catches wind of this and as punishment banishes him to the land of the living, cursing him. He then finds out the ghost he had been dating betrayed him.

Alone and invisible, he goes to you for help and comfort. And comes to realize he had feelings for you (but you're seeing someone).

One day your partner cheats on you and breaks your heart and BJ is there to pick you up. Months later, after a heated discussion he admits he has feelings for you. You too have feelings for him but are a bit hesitant, eventually you guys have your first kiss and go to bed cuddling. You wake up the next day next to him feeling warm inside and realizing how natural being with him felt.

• Now *time* (sorry) for the Time Travel Fic!:

You're in an established relationship with Betelgeuse when for some reason you're sent 50 years to the past. You're alone and confused and about to cry not knowing what to do. You're about to get assaulted and in your panic you summon Beej. He appears and saves you, but he doesn't know who you are, how you summoned him or how you know so much about him. You realize you're seeing past Betelgeuse, before you. You try to get him to help you get back to the future while trying to hide the fact that you know him (since paradoxes or whatever). You find more about what he was like before he met the Deetz/Maitlands.

With time he finds out you were his partner. Eventually you guys find a way to get you back and he's sad that he's going to go back to being alone, but is comforted by the knowledge that this loneliness is temporary, since he's gonna meet you again in the future, have a family with the Deetz/Maitlands, and he won't be alone anymore.

• Colorblindness

Finally, this is more of a ficlet idea, but one thing you should know about me is that I'm colorblind, and one of the things that come as a result of my type of colorblindness is that I can't tell when people blush. In fact, I didn't even know blushing was a thing and not just something you see in cartoons until I was 18. Well I was thinking about s reader who had never been able to tell when people blushed until they meet BJ, and how convenient it is for them that he has mood ring hair and they don't need to tell anymore since his hair always gives him away lol.

[fakeloveaskblog]

First, let's get one thing out of the way: independent of the fact that you left without saying anything, or "were selfish", you do not deserve to be hurt Remy. Please believe me.

As for the yelling thing. We… well, really just me, I had a talk with Virgil. While you were away, Remy. Don't worry, he's not… he's trying not to yell at you so much anymore. I could probably converse with him a bit more in the future, if you'd like? I don't like the fact that he insulted and hurt you before he… remembered himself, and some advice on how to be a decent human being that I gave him. (Yeah let's go with that, it's a nicer descriptor.)

See, I have to believe that he can improve on his behavior at least a little, and also I was trying to make you, specifically, both be and feel a little safer here *makes it so only Remy can hear this next part, which they were already doing anyway to the whole message but this part specially* while you choose to remain here, you can always leave, you can walk out at any time and not come back at all ever, please remember that *keeps talking normally* and I have to believe that's not a hopeless endeavor.

(tw self harm)

Remy had managed to get up from the floor. They'd dragged a chair over to the stove so they could sit down while cooking some eggs and a toast. The smell of coffee would have been filling the kitchen if they hadn't moved on from chain smoking to straight up just getting high. At like 8 am in the morning no less.

They stared down into the store glowing red hot "Don't I deserve being hurt just for existing tho. I'm a fucking burden"

There was only enough food for one since Remy usually didn't eat breakfast. A dinner lasted them a day normally. They looked a bit- very tired as they kept listening to you.

"Supa thanks girlies for talking with Viv. I dunno what the hell you told him. I mean he was like super nice today wasn't he. Like it was like eerie almost with how he just like stopped yelling before I'd even like started crying. Did y'all ghost hypnotize him or something?" They half slurred out while rubbing their eyes. They should have really learnt not to mix their actual prescribed medicine and weed together by now.

"No like seriously babes I know I'm like so annoying and I keep being all like self hatey and it's gotta sound so whiny so like thanks for still like not killing me. I'm sure you ghost demon things could like kill me if you wanted to. But yeah he's like tots improving. Feel free to talk to him again if you like want. I'm sure he will be happier if he won't have to be anxious about 'hurting me' anymore so this is all tots good right. I'm sure he's like a new man now! Thanks baaaabeee you suceeded!! Yay!!"

Their expression suddenly turned serious when they heard you say the quiet part. They quickly put out the joint and leaned closer as if just listening to you was a crime.

They checked behind them, held their breathe, waited until they heard Virgil snore again. And still then they waited a minute or two before even daring to respond.

"I- I....It's not- it's not like I can actually leave is it?- Not that I want to!!! I would never! I love Viv and Viv loves me. He needs me. I need him. I- He controls so much I don't- I don't know how to live without him. Literally. Like no one wants me. I can't like work. He's been handling all the money stuff. I don't- I barely even know where I would start if I left"

Remy quieted. They were silent for another minute before slowly moving their hand up to their mouth. They traced their finger over their lips while thinking.

".......Do you......Do you think Janus would take me in? He....he's being so kind...what if he would let me live with him? Is that- could that be possible?"

They pressed their lips so tight together the edges turned white. They listened for his snores again. It was a bad thought.

(There was a backpack hidden in the corner of the closet. It was packed with the most necessary. Clothes, extra toothbrush, soap, stuff like that. They'd packed it in a blur while Virgil was away at work after they'd had an argument. They hadn't felt safe. They'd told him it was just an emergency backpack in case the house burned down. just as they said when he wondered why they kept all their important documents in the drawer next to the bed. Remy hadn't dared touch the backpack since they'd packed it. It was Bad. Bad. Bad.)

"B-but I don't need to leave right? I mean he's being nice. He's changing. He's actually- it's actually not gonna happen again this time y'know. I feel safe. So- So I don't need to-"

Remy met your eyes. Their eyewhites had turned red, maybe from smoke, maybe from tears pressing on.

"Do you think Janus would let me stay?"

They stood up so suddenly the chair nearly fell down. They were able to catch it in the last moment. Another moment of listening for his snores went by before they dared move again.

"I shouldn't be thinking like this. What kind of fucked up partner makes up plans on how to leave while their fucking boyfriend sleeps in the other room!?"

They started to walk back and forth across the floor while tangling their fingers into their hair.

"What kind of horrible horrible person plans to stay over with the person they-"

Remy couldn't say it.

"I'm horrible. I'm horrible. I'm horrible"

Their hands trailed from their hair down to their neck.

"I'm horrible. I'm horrible. I'm horrible"

They knew exactly where to put their fingers to cut off their airways if they wanted to. It was stuck in their mind whether they wanted to or not.

"I'm horrible. I'm horrible. I'm horri-"

The air was cut off. They pressed down so hard around their throat their nails left marks.

The smoke filled the air still. They stared up at the fan and counted the seconds. It was a game they played. They saw how long they could stay standing without breathing.

Once their body couldn't stand anymore they sat down. When they couldn't sit they laid down. Until they had collapsed and all the energy they had left went to keeping their hands around their neck.

It felt like their eyes would pop out of their sockets. Their skin was burning. Their body begged for them to move their hands.

Their eyelids started to get heavy. Their hands weaker. Some of their muscles felt like they would start to spasm.

Remy finally let go. It was by pure need their body moved to breathe. They weren't controlling it. They laid on their back gasping for a few moments. They could hear the noise of the tv from their childhood home playing in the background.

His father and them had the same birthmark on their right hand. They held it up in front of their face. They imagined their father saw his own birthmark as he was choking them in the same exact way they saw it after they had choked themself.

After a few more seconds Remy got up and repeated the game. They didn't last as long this time. Their fingers went numb and let go almost as soon as they had to lay down.

They didn't let themself breathe for as long this time. They almost immediately got up and tried it again. Dark spots kept appearing in their blurry sight.

Sounds swam around in their eyes. There were tears on their cheeks they hadn't even noticed. It felt like their veins was trying to dig out through their skin.

They were horrible. They were horrible. They were horrible.

Remy passed out with their back against the cold tile floor.

-

"Hun? Honey? You idiot. Wake up"

Virgil was shaking their shoulders around. Remy slowly opened an eye and looked around. Their sight was dim. Maybe it was because the now much darker smoke surrounding them.

"You can't just fucking go to sleep while having food on the oven! Were you trying to kill us!?" He let out a sigh and cupped their cheeks "Are you okay?"

"i uhhh made breakfast" They slurred out while their eyelids closed again.

Virgil shook them around again so they wouldn't go back to sleep. He pressed a quick kiss to their lips before picking them up and carrying them to the bedroom. Their head lolled against his shoulder.

"Yeah sure babe. An amazing breakfast"

A soft groan left their lips when he laid them down. Their mouth was half open and their eyes close to rolling back into their skull. Their limbs were all numb even when Virgil moved to take their shirt off. They were so powerless he could easily move them around.

"What you doing vivsi?" They slurred out. Everything became dizzying.

"You stink. Your clothes smell like smoke babe. I would get you bath but I got work. Just making sure you don't have to sleep in this at least"

"mhm. what a caring lil vivsi"

"Fucking hell. How much did you smoke. You bitch. See this is what I mean with you being annoying. I can't take a nap without you trying to fucking off yourself. it's exhausting being around you-"

He took a deep breathe and tried to focus on what he was actually feeling instead of the anger pressing on.

"I just care about you so much it hurts to see you like this"

"im soooorry"

"Do I have to strap you to the bed or something so you can't freaking kill yourself while I'm gone at work. Affectionate strapping I promise"

"I just like freaked out. It's fine"

"....Sure" He pressed a gentle kiss to their forehead which made them smile "When I get back I'll get you some bruise creme for your neck okay? I love you. Please don't do this to yourself. Tell me if you need me to buy anything. Love you"

"Love you too. Kill someone for me at work. But not the weed guy please"

"I'll kill several don't worry"

He kissed them again before waving goodbye and leaving. He was sure as hell not going to eat the burn victims disguised as 'eggs'.

Remy rolled over onto their side. They traced their finger over their neck. A dark bruise had already started to form. It hurt but it was good. They deserved it. Just as they deserved any harsh words Virgil should have yelled at them. They were horrible after all.

They closed their eyes and thought of Janus again.