#i was already in a gender identity crisis anyway what do you WANT??

[pansy-picnics]

A vat7k related question.

What do you think is Hugo's gender identity? Cus I want to hear what you think Hugo's gender is and the story behind it.

EHEHEHE personally i think she’s genderfluid and uses he/she/they pronouns…….I think he was kind of an uncracked egg up until the trials though. like, he’s been in survival mode for so long that he’s never had the time or luxury to really think about himself or his identity….i think he’s had a lot of different disguises over his career though, and those personas are either male or female depending on what the situation calls for so he’s not a stranger to dressing femininely either.

but yeah…i think for a long time hugo just identified as male by default cuz like…what else would he be LOL. if he had any doubts at all they weren’t significantly hindering him or anything so he just buried them with all the other of the emotions he doesn’t want to feel. but like the closet is made of GLASS and this becomes especially obvious when she teams up with 3 other teenagers who are also transgender so sometimes she’ll just Say Shit and they all turn around and look at her like “…….🤨”

i have this very vivid scene in my head where varian comes out to the gang as trans and hes clearly really uneasy abt it. and hugo doesn’t know what to say so he just tries to relate by saying the first thing that comes to mind and goes “oh yeah i get it i mean. sometimes i wish i was a girl but like not all the time yk” and nuru and varian both just stop and stare at him

hugo, getting nervous: …Sorry that’s probably not the same thing forget i said anything

nuru: No i think we should talk about this?

anyways yeah….other than her traveling party giving her some weird looks nothing actually really came of these conversations bc hugo would refuse to think about herself even if you put a gun to her head

fast forward to post-trials though, and hugo’s been living in the castle with varian for about six months…it was REALLY messy for both of them while she was adjusting, but at this point shes finally started to let her guard down a little, and all of a sudden she has SO much free time and she has no idea what to do with any of it. she’s stealing collecting things, tinkering with all kinds of useless little gadgets, rapunzel is teaching her tons of little arts and crafts projects. overall shes pretty content despite everything. So anyways then the gender crisis hits them like a fucking freight train

honestly i’m like half joking when i say i think it started bc they just kept forgetting to cut their hair. like one day they looked in the mirror and they’re like “wow my hairs getting so long i kinda look like a girl lol. Wait”

AND AS FUNNY AS IT IS ITS SO. WILDLY UNFAMILIAR TO THEM. like all of a sudden theyre SO insecure for as far as they can tell, NO reason and it drives them CRAZY. i dont even think that hugo dislikes their masculine features after coming out, i think they embrace them if anything but its just like…going from 0 to 100 so fast and suddenly being so hyper aware of themselves in a way that they NEVER were before…having to realize that they’re definitely Not cis. it’s fucking TERRIFYING!!!

not to mention it hits him all at once during a time when he’s still frankly really paranoid about him and varian’s relationship, and he’s kinda walking on eggshells bc deep down he’s convinced that var’s just gonna get tired of him eventually and kick him out. its like he’s just waiting for the final nail in the coffin despite the fact that there is literally no coffin.

All that being said i think it takes him a while to work up the courage to talk to varian about it. and he knows he won’t like. hate him for being trans or anything (I sure hope he wouldn’t, at least, seeing as he is literally also trans) but varian’s already done SO much for him and helped him through literally everything already….he doesn’t want to burden him any more than he already has. he also cant comprehend that someone can just Like him, like, as a person, so he’s convinced himself that varian must see something specific in him right now and he’s afraid that if he changes himself drastically in any way then whatever varian saw in him just. won’t be there anymore. If that makes sense

as for who he actually goes to first- honestly i think it’d have to be lance. at least in my head lance was the first person hugo really started to bond with aside from varian….he didn’t start letting his guard down with rapunzel until quite a while after that. also i think he’s worried that if he tells rapunzel she’d end up accidentally spilling something to varian (which is like. Valid bc she’s a horrible liar) he’d definitely write a letter to nuru, too, but nuru is also in another kingdom, and that message takes a while to get to her, so it’s more something they talk about after the fact

when he finally does get a letter back after dumping this revelation on her it’s just like

“dearest hugo. upon reading your letter i desperately wanted to tell you that i told you so, but i realize that would be in poor taste, seeing as you are clearly struggling right now. Moreover,-“ /j

regardless of who she tells first, they obviously all support her and encourage her to talk to varian as well…And ofc varian hypes her up to no end when she finally does. i wanna say it’s a sweet emotional scene but i feel like varian was also under the assumption that she figured out the gender thing like a year ago /j

hugo: ,,,,so like. i don’t think i’m a guy

varian: . yeah?

hugo:

hugo: TFYM “YEAH”?????!!!!???

varian: D. DID WE NOT ALREADY KNOW THIS?

hugo: ,???? NO???!!???!

jokes aside though as soon as hugo does decide he wants to explore his presentation more varian immediately consults rapunzel who gets WAY too excited about it and it kind of scares hugo a little bit. /j like Do you want to cut your hair? Dye it? Do you want new piercings? TATTOOS????

they eventually just settle on getting her a few new pieces to add to her wardrobe and that works out fine. varian sees his girlfriend in a dress and loses his mind etc etc. All is right in the world

[voheitmp3]

we just had. the weirdest debate ever? on a video about someone being frustrated with lesbian exclusionists and queer exclusionists as a whole we commented that the lesboy hate was getting out of hand, and that it was upsetting to see, especially during pride month.

someone replied and said “i would love to but 9 times out of 10 it’s used to be homophobic to lesbians.”

i replied with “then block and move on? people don't need to make a big fuss over something that doesn't matter. i'm frustrated about it as a butch lesbian who just wants their label to be respected and accepted.”

they replied with “we should address the problem of homophobia with men pretending to be lesbians tho. butches are fine but when you're a full on man saying you're wlw, you really shouldn't be using "reclaimed" slurs”

imo this is already where it went off the rails. i said “i want to be accepted” and they replied with “but what about men” which was Not relevant. to this comment what so ever .

the debate continued with me replying to them with “i know this is controversial, but if a man genuinely feels and believes that he is a lesbian, he is one. sexuality and gender are fluid, and people are going to identify in a way you deem “wrong”.”

this person replied to that with “so a woman can identify as a gay man? or is it only “labels are flexible” when it comes to women’s labels?”

i replied with “no of course she can? the label turigirl exists for a reason? anyone can identify however they’d like to. that’s the point of what i just said”

personally. i don’t think it’s too crazy or ridiculous to say that. people are free to identify how they want, and rigid gender or sexuality “rules” isn’t going to change that.

their response to this is “woah omg you did not just say that. that’s so disrespectful to the victims of the aids crisis and ongoing victims of homophobia”

which. genuinely what. i have no idea how you would ever get to that conclusion.

i asked where that curveball came from, and they said “from your homophobia. it is a complete disregard of individuals who have been socially ostracized for their identities to say anyone can use any label no matter how they actually identify”

which is genuinely kind of crazy to me. because in my opinion and the opinion of a lot of my friends, my view on labels is completely understandable and reasonable?

in response, i said “you seem to be disregarding my own personal experience with homophobia. anyone can use whatever label they want, because that is how free will works. it's not homophobic to say that at all?” which, because of my experiences with homophobia (i have been hospitalized several times due to queer/trans violence) is a reasonable thing to say.

they send back “how would i know your personal experience first of all? and second of all it is homophobic to say that men can be wlw and women can be mlm when lesbians and gay men fought so hard during the aids crisis to not be seen as monsters.”

although i’m not quite sure how that is totally relevant, i think you’re making people who don’t identify the way you think they should as monsters, or “wrong”, which if i’m being honest sounds a bit like homophobia to me.

i then ask about listening their perspective in dms, to see if they’d let me try to understand why they think oppressive boxes have something to do with how you’re supposed to identify, but they said that “i have made my perspective very clear and backed it with research, like requested. if you are not able to understand this complex issue, that is your responsibility and not mine to educate yourself.”

which if i had to ask for a more detailed explanation, i don’t think they made it very clear, but i suppose we all can’t care about queer people.

i’m not sure how mentioning the aids crisis is the same thing as doing research against my point, but again, i don’t think they were very clear at explaining anything.

anyway, i’m posting this here to break the echo chamber of my friends all completely agreeing with me, to see if maybe i was just missing something or whatever

;; 🪶/\ 🪓

[silenthill2ps2]

While I'm already being an annoying ass punk and @'ing you I'd love to know your thoughts on Richter's identity issues and stuff during SoTN if you'd like to make a metapost about it 🤸‍♂️ Belmont lineage fucked this boy up he's got BPD now (in my eyes)

FINALLY IT'S RICHTER TIME

so DURING sotn? that's a good question since i'm not sure if he was lucid (like if he could see what shaft was making him do while he was possessing him) or not. in my opinion he was completely under shaft's control and had no idea wtf was going on (like maybe it was like a dream to him?) but it's only when alucard saves him that it allllll comes back to him. naturally he freaks the fuck out until maria calms him down

for pre and post sotn i have MANY more thoughts so let's get into it. i think an important aspect of richter's character is that he defeated dracula when he was literally NINETEEN years old. he was so young and his life was basically complete. he did his destiny for his family and the rest of the world by protecting them from dracula. what now. cue existential crisis and horrible coping mechanisms!!!!!!!!!!! then he spirals and has a mental breakdown he goes to the spot where dracula's castle crumbled shaft exploits and possesses him yadda yadda you know the deal. i also think the succubus contributed to richter's mental breakdown as well but that would delve into more headcanon-y territory. i just want her to have a bigger role ok

then we have post sotn where i think richter is just completely consumed by guilt but he still recognizes the problems that the belmont clan had and that's when he decides to pass the vampire killer onto the morrises cuz this shit CANNOT continue. and what makes him even more tragic is that his plan just... didn't work out in the end. julius still had to fight dracula hundreds of years later and even though soma is a normal nice boy dracula is still gonna get reincarnated eventually. the cycles babyyyyyy.

wow i got really off topic ANYWAYS back to post sotn richter. i think he has a lot of memory issues and possibly even some brain damage cuz he was literally possessed for a year. also even more gender dysphoria (he's a trans guy to me. of course) and just general dislike for his body since it wasn't his own. for a whole fucking year. i feel like combined with all these issues he eventually leaves the belmont clan and lives peacefully (but still depressed and traumatized) cuz he just couldn't handle being among the family members that had such high expectations of him and were partially responsible for his downfall.

i also think he has a lot of nightmares about shaft coming back to possess him again/possibly even kill him. he would have some abandonment issues cuz even though maria did look for him tirelessly and alucard saved him and broke the spell he has this itching feeling that no one would come back for him :( i feel like he wouldn't even consider himself a belmont later in life cuz of how detached he became from them. i think his guilt would never leave him wayyyy into his elder years and he would never fully recover from his trauma.

in conclusion please get this man some therapy

[clotpolesonly]

i haven't seen anyone else talking about this so i guess i have to do it. i was gonna make a gifset (or 2, or 5) but i'm out of storage on my laptop and photoshop keeps crashing, sooooo a meta post it is!!

tvTRC is paralleling Helen Gansey and Kavinsky

now, there are a plethora of critiques to be made about the handling of Helen Gansey in this adaptation, first and foremost being the fact that she's pretty much unrecognizable compared to her book counterpart.

(also on the list: the buckwild stupid decision to turn aglionby co-ed, as if it being an all-boys school wasn't relevant to any of the gender politics already present in the books; aging her down JUST so that Blue had a girl character to interact with that she wasn't related to instead of expanding the female cast; the Ganseys being latinx + Helen's promiscuity meaning that she now falls into the hypersexualized spicy latina stereotype.)

BUT i'm going to set all that aside for now and focus on specifically tvTRC's Helen as, essentially, a new character within her context. and what's being done with her is actually pretty interesting.

so first we need to talk about Helen/Blue.

as WILD as it is for the show to have swerved away from Blue having kept to herself and not engaged romantically or sexually with anyone for fear of, ya know, killing them with her true love curse, it was an even wilder choice for them to choose Helen Gansey for Blue's only pre-canon entanglement. both just because that's her endgame love interest's SISTER, and also because she's a woman.

one of Blue's most prominent arcs in this season is about her recognizing and coming to terms with her bisexuality. so for her to have already had sex with a woman pre-canon introduces a whooooole host of repression and denial in Blue that she apparently only begins to process in herself when she starts playing voyeur to Adam on his bisexual identity crisis arc through her and Gansey.

i'm circling back around to Kavinsky, i promise.

let me draw your attention to a bit of dialogue that i'm SHOCKED i haven't seen talked about more because it's actually so huge:

Helen: "Hey, Queenie." Blue: "Helen! I didn't expect you to be here." Helen: "Well, here I am. Do I get a kiss hello? For old time's sake?" Blue: "I thought you weren't coming to these parties anymore. You said you were going to stop." Helen: "I said I couldn't be seen at parties anymore." Blue: "I'm seeing you." Helen: "Thought that didn't count." Blue: "You're drunk."

most people seem to have interpreted this as just flirtation, not something to take seriously, but Blue does not correct Helen! several times in conversation with others, we see Blue set the record straight, she's consistently very firm on not letting people get away with accusing her of shit she didn't do, even in jest. if Helen was exaggerating, Blue would have said so, but instead she skirts past this without any acknowledgement at all. imo that's as good as confirmation that Blue and Helen did kiss during their pre-canon tryst(s), and with no indication of other relationships i am left to assume that this was likely Blue's first kiss.

Blue, who is cursed to kill her true love with a kiss, chose to take the risk of kissing someone anyway, and that someone was a girl. a girl who, according to Helen, didn't count.

considering it takes nearly 8 episodes for Blue to come to terms with her sexuality and acknowledge, both to Adam and to herself, that she is bisexual, what this amounts to is a scenario in which Blue, closeted and repressed, convinced herself that Helen was a safe person to experiment with because, as a ""straight"" girl, Blue did not have to worry about falling in love with her.

as many closeted queer kids do, Blue found a way to rationalize away her attraction to Helen and convince herself that it "didn't count" and she was only doing it for XYZ reason and it didn't mean anything. she just wanted to kiss someone because she couldn't kiss who she REALLY wanted to kiss (boys, obviously) and Helen was conveniently there and willing to be experimented with, no strings attached.

only, in this exchange and in others in later episodes, we kinda get the feeling that there were some strings attached for Helen. there's an undeniable bitterness to the delivery of "thought that didn't count" and she's clearly stung when Blue deflects and points out her intoxication.

for Blue, their relationship may have been a pure friends-with-benefits kind of thing, but Helen is clearly more invested. her eyes are always on Blue, she's leaning in towards her, she spends half the party alternately flirting with Blue and being uncharacteristically snide. she likes Blue, and Blue, for all intents and purposes, used her and then dropped her to go back to playing at being straight.

do you see where i'm going with this now? do you see the parallel??

what other character do we know that 1) is openly queer, 2) has a persistent crush on a closeted main character, 3) develops some kind of homoerotic relationship with that character, and 4) is then spurned by that character who refuses to admit that they're queer?

Joseph motherfucking Kavinsky

Ronan and Kavinsky don't outright sleep together in the literal sense, but the show is JUST as obvious as the books are in the whole This Activity Is Gay Sex Without Being Gay Sex department, if not more so.

Kavinsky pursues Ronan, openly flirts with him (he also asks Ronan for a kiss hello, ep 5, and is ignored instead of denied), is both jealous of and spiteful about Ronan's relationships with Gansey and Adam, and is genuinely upset when Ronan finally outright rejects him and elects to go back to being Gansey's "friend".

Ronan, like Blue does with Helen, uses Kavinsky to explore a part of himself that he's not ready to fully acknowledge or accept. and both of them do this without any real regard for the feelings of the person they're fucking around with. Ronan is more of a shithead about it, which makes sense because Kavinsky is so much more abrasive and their entire relationship is a toxic clusterfuck in both directions, whereas Blue and Helen maintain at least a loose friendship in the aftermath of their encounter

but it's clear that Blue and Ronan have both been callous and selfish, and it's Helen and Kavinsky who end up with their hearts (such as they are) broken. this much of their story is a very close mirror and we see it in the visual framing too! (hence the gifsets i was gonna make, come on photoshop, work with me here adklfjgh)

the primary color palette used for Kavinsky's scenes is a rather lurid neon purple and green, and Helen's dorm room is done up in lilac and sage (same colors, just different saturation). Helen is the only character besides Kavinsky or his cronies to be seen on screen with drug paraphernalia (Gansey never finds out about her casual use, i hope there's an arc about it and the respective ways they're cracking under the pressure in season 2 😭 Blue and Ronan both know, though). there are multiple dialogue parallels like the asking for a kiss bit ^^ and we even get perfectly paralleled shots of Helen/Blue and Kavinsky/Ronan in the same episode!!!

this is so clearly a deliberate choice, they put WORK into setting up these shots so they would hit just the same!! they put Helen in fucking sunglasses (raybans, of course), like K is always wearing, to symbolize that she's hiding something!!! cinnamon topography, lemme tell you

anyway, there's another thing that i want to address, cuz Helen and Kavinsky's similarities aren't actually confined to their queer relationships, and this is something that i reeeaaally find interesting.

we didn't get much of anything about Helen's actual personality in the books aside from her being a good big sister to Gansey, which i loved don't get me wrong, but it's really great to get to examine the other ways in which the pressure of being A Gansey™ presents itself. we get plenty about how much Gansey-boy struggles with being constantly on display as an object within the panopticon that is the political landscape and the social scene of the wealthy elite. there's sooooo much pressure that comes with upholding the family's good name and image.

in Gansey, this stress manifests in epic levels of repression, dissociative episodes, panic attacks, and The Ever-Growing Hole Inside Him. he is, as we know from the books but hasn't quiiiite been really delved into yet on screen (it will come, i'm sure, it gets more obvious as the books go on), passively suicidal as well. he does not take the kind of precautions he should in his situation and is content (for a given value) to let himself simply die if that's how the chips fall. he's not gonna stop them. in most areas, he comes across reasonable and deliberate in his actions, but when it comes to his own life, he is shockingly cavalier and careless.

and then we have Helen. as the eldest Gansey child, she faces just as much pressure as Gansey if not more so (there's something to be unpacked in the gender politics of this royalty-coded family, but that's for another post), and we see her cope in a number of unhealthy ways (ways that Gansey himself is not privy to). on the surface, like her brother, she is always prepared to put forth a pretty polished sophisticated facade, because that is what's expected and required of her. she needs to be Presentable™ and anything that isn't gets kicked under the rug where the neighbors and the paps can't see it. but she's also a party girl, she has a substance abuse problem, she is implied to have a lot of sex with a lot of people, and she struggles to form healthy relationships.

there's another bit of dialogue that's relevant here and ties us back into the Kavinsky parallel:

Gansey: "You can't play with Adam's feelings like this, Helen, and not just because he's my friend. Because it's a shitty thing to do to someone. This isn't a game." Helen: "Life is a game, little brother. Just because you haven't learned how to play it yet doesn't make it any less true."

they were brought up in a deeply performative society full of backstabbing and politics, where relationships of all kinds were used primarily for social climbing and clout. add on top of that the pressure to stay pretty for the cameras, which translated to a very low tolerance for messy emotions or displays of vulnerability (see: Gansey removing himself from the fucking country because his post traumatic episodes were embarrassing for the family), and Helen has adopted a very removed and nihilistic worldview.

Gansey, popular as he is, isn't exactly a social butterfly -- he's always kept mostly to himself -- but Helen tried to make friends as a kid, she talks about it some in ep 3. none of the relationships in her life have lasted so she's stopped trying to form new ones.

life is a game. nothing and no one truly matters. you don't have to feel that way, you don't have to let anything hurt you, and you don't have to risk investing in other people when they're only going to turn on you in the end.

compare this to Kavinsky's last words:

Ronan: "Get down! Damn it, K, get down!" Kavinsky: "The world's a nightmare, baby. All the world's a nightmare."

Kavinsky too has retreated from viewing the world as something he can participate in genuinely. he's got the same kind of nihilism underpinning his whole tough guy act, and it stems from a similar place of damage. we see from his fixation on Ronan that he does crave a real connection, but he can't bring himself to be vulnerable enough to actually make it. all he knows how to do is posture and manipulate from a distance while he keeps his walls up to protect himself from being hurt any further.

to Kavinsky, everything is a dream and reality is what he makes it. to Helen, everything is a game and she can win if she plays her hand right. the only thing that matters is being in control because that is how they feel powerful and being powerful is how they feel safe.

the only difference is that Kavinsky takes this a step further by imposing his control on other people, which is a line Helen never crosses. we can attribute this to Helen having some genuine connections in her life. Kavinsky's life really is a nightmare lol, he was truly alone and on his own from a very early age, while Helen has a family that, while deeply flawed, loves and does its dysfunctional best to support her when it can.

my last discussion point here is circling back to the suicidality. the nightmare quote from Kavinsky ^^ is from his very last scene. it's the last thing he says before he allows his own night horror to kill him. in the wake of Ronan's rejection, with that last chance for connection denied and having no other reason to live, he commits suicide.

now, obviously, Helen does not do this. she lives on to grace our screens for season 2! but there's a moment in the final episode between her and Blue that needs addressing. it's the scene after Blue acknowledges out loud, both to Adam and to herself, that she is bisexual. she's spent the whole season wrestling with her identity and coming to terms with what it means to her and she's finally come to a place where she can say it and mean it and know it's true.

and then she sees Helen again. Helen, whom Blue kissed under the false repression-fueled assumption that she could not fall in love with because she was straight and not attracted to women. it was supposed to be safe in its impossibility. it was supposed to mean nothing.

but Blue is attracted to women. she is not straight and she could have loved Helen. there was nothing safe about this, and we get to really see on Blue's face that she's processing the gamble she took with Helen's life (i'm not blaming Blue for not realizing she was queer sooner, for the record, just acknowledging the guilt that Blue canonically feels in this rather unique circumstance of hers).

we see Helen process it too, but Helen doesn't react in the way that Blue (or the audience, probably) expects her to. she's not upset or retroactively scared or angry at the risk Blue took with her. instead we get this:

Helen: "So it was me, then?" Blue: "What do you mean?" Helen: "You said kissing would kill your true love, and here I am, alive and all. You thought it was because I'm a girl. But it's not. You just...didn't love me." Blue: "Helen." Helen: "It's okay. I didn't really expect you to. That's not what we were. [Pause.] Was there ever a chance?" Blue: "A chance for what?" Helen: "That it might take me out. [Laughs.]" Blue: "I'm really glad it didn't."

Helen asks this question jokingly, like it's no big deal, like it's something funny and a little scandalous. but it's not funny and Blue doesn't laugh. the audience isn't invited to laugh. this is a lonely girl with a lot of damage joking about her own death, wondering if it might have been worth it if it meant that Blue could've loved her.

we really need to give props to the actress because she infused the questions with so much fragile hope and vulnerability with just an edge of defensive posturing to cover it up. on some level, Helen wants Blue to tell her that she might've died. there's romance in that idea, of dying for love, of being loved to death. when she asks if Blue has found her real love, there's jealousy in it.

(i'm not prepared for when she finds out it's her little brother. it's gonna break me, i can already tell.)

but it's such an interesting juxtaposition with Kavinsky's end to the season. Kavinsky welcomed death because there was no love for him, and we have Helen almost longing for death if it could mean that there was love for her. instead, she has to keep living. she makes the choice that Kavinsky doesn't, to move on from rejection and look somewhere else in hopes of finding something more to live for. her apologizing to Adam is a step off the path to destruction, an acknowledgement that life is not, in fact, a game and that she can't win anything until she opens the door to all those messy unpleasant feelings again and begins to really heal.

i don't think it's any coincidence that the last shot we get of Helen is of her removing her purple nail polish and repainting her nails yellow -- the color most strongly associated with Gansey, her brother, the strongest and most genuine relationship that she has in the show.

Kavinsky had no one, but Helen at least has him. and in the end, that makes all the difference in the world.

thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

The Eclipse, Blood Moon, And Harvest Moon Show

Pairings: DJ Music Man/Blood Moon, Glamrock Bonnie/Harvest Moon

Word Count: 1,487 Words

Summary: Eclipse and the twins think it’s a good idea to start a channel of their own.

Warnings: Coming Out, Gender Identity Crisis, Anxiety Attack, Insecurity, let me know if I should add anything else.

Chapter 1: Q&A To Start Things Off

“Is this thing working?” Blood Moon poked at the camera.

“It’s working. It’s red, Blood Moon.”

“Ooh! Red! We are live!”

“No, we’re recording. Anyway, hello everyone. Welcome to the Eclipse and Blood Moon Show. Today we’re going to be one upping our brothers and doing a Q&A before they get the chance. We set this up on twitter, since neither of us have discord. So good on anyone who actually asked us questions, you found us.” Eclipse explained to the camera and potential audience.

“First question is mine!” Blood Moon announced happily.

“Getting right into it, I guess.” Eclipse commented and sat back to let him answer.

“‘Blood Moon, do you have a different name for your twin?’” Blood Moon read out. Eclipse hummed, sitting forward a bit. That was actually something he hadn’t thought about before. Had they?

“Twin likes the name Harvest Moon. As the older twin, I get the name Blood Moon, and he gets Harvest as the younger.” Blood Moon explained.

“I didn’t know he had a separate name.”

“He always has. We decided after we left you.” Blood Moon announced.

“Interesting. Harvest Moon.” Eclipse muttered to get that down.

“Next is for you. ‘Eclipse, do you really have abandonment issues?’”

“Listen, shut up. I don’t want to talk about that.” Eclipse snapped. Why hit him in the robotic heart with the first question? Why chip at that wound?

“Brother, it’s a question, give a real answer.” Harvest demanded of him.

“Fine, I have abandonment issues because every person in my life has always left me behind or hated me, usually both. And I don’t know how to get attached to people without feeling like they’ll leave me too.” Eclipse admitted. If felt like a certain weight off his shoulders.

“Next question for all of us. ‘What is your favorite color?’ I like pink!” Harvest Moon answered.

“Red! Bloody red!” Blood Moon answered.

“Purple. I like cool purples more. But all purples.” Eclipse answered. “For all of us again. ‘What’s your favorite hobby?’”

“I feed stray cats!” Blood Moon answered.

“Reading.” Harvest replied.

“I um…I don’t have a hobby.” Eclipse nervously answered.

“For all of us! ‘What is your pronouns?’ He/him!” Blood Moon happily told the viewers.

“They/them.” Harvest joyfully announced.

“Um…pronouns?” Eclipse asked.

“Yes! What pronouns you like according to your gender! I am a boy and Harvest identifies as nonbinary!” Eclipse leaned back, hiding. Gender? He never thought about that before.

“I’ve always just been he/him.” Eclipse nervously answered.

“But is that what you’re comfortable with?” Harvest asked. It took a minute of thinking but Eclipse just…didn’t like he/him. Eclipse was actually upset the more they thought about it. Eclipse felt a bit of tears build up in their eyes and they blinked them away furiously. It was such a simple question but they were breaking down over it.

“Do you like she/her? Or they/them?” Harvest asked. Eclipse looked up at the twins and didn’t realize she was crying already. She was allowed to use a different pronoun?

“I’m allowed to pick one?” She asked.

“Of course! Biological sex is a construct! We are robots! We can be whatever gender we wish!” Blood Moon assured her and Eclipse felt hope build up in her.

“I like she/her sometimes. I don’t know, it changes but I like she/her right now.” Eclipse admitted.

“We love you, sister!” Blood Moon exclaimed. Eclipse felt warmth bloom in her chest and she didn’t realize she’d begun crying until the twins were holding her shoulders and hugging her.

“It’s okay. Just breathe.” Blood Moon tried to console her.

“We’re robots, we don’t breathe, idiot.” Harvest huffed.

“But if she breathes it should still be calming! We can take simulated breaths!” Blood retorted. This made her laugh amongst her tears and made her calm a bit, taking breaths to calm down and burying into their shoulder to hide.

She just broke down on a video, they had to edit that somehow. She couldn’t threaten the editor anymore so they’d have to do it themselves. But the twins were calming and rubbing her back and assuring her that everything was fine.

“We do love you, big sister.” Harvest confirmed.

“Thank you. I..I didn’t know I…” Eclipse choked up. She was allowed to be a girl, she didn’t have to be a boy if she didn’t feel like it. That aching felt gone from her with the twins calling her their sister.

“It’s okay. Sometimes it’s hard to figure it out. Mine started with just feeling different when Bloody called me his baby brother. Like it didn’t fit fully.” Harvest assured her.

“Should I cover up? I’m dumb! There’s nothing to cover up! Am I overthinking this? Am I going insane?”

“Do you want to pause this and come back? You can get changed, get comfortable, and we can come back to it.” Harvest asked.

“Just a sweater, I think we have a few here. I just don’t want to see my body right now. It’s not comfortable anymore. Is there a word for that? Is there a word for any of this?” Eclipse asked, grabbing a sweater from the storage closet of the lab and pulling it on.

“It’s called genderfluid, you’re genderfluid and you’re a girl today. And what you’re feeling is called gender dysphoria. I’ve never had dysphoria, since I’m pretty comfortable with my body, but I’ve read that it sucks. But you are beautiful, sister.” Harvest assured her.

“T-Thank you…I love you both too.” She admitted, finally returning their earlier sentiment. Harvest snuggled her close to them for a moment to give her love. She felt loved and wanted. She wasn’t some cancer plaguing them, she was just their big sister.

“Okay. Little cut, we had to talk.” Eclipse announced to the audience. “Next question. ‘What’s your favorite ice cream?’ I didn’t get to try much, but I liked the stupid Fazbear Crunch thing they had in the PizzaPlex.

“‘Fazbear Crunch’?” Blood Moon asked.

“Yeah, it’s like chocolate ice cream with this like chocolate sauce and chocolate shell mixed in and and I think it had fudge somewhere in there? It was a lot of chocolate, but it was probably the best of the PizzaPlex’s ice creams. At least it was a normal flavor, Chica’s was some root beer and pretzel concoction.” Harvest fake gagged.

“That sucks. We’re feeding you ice cream. I like coconut ice cream with coconut shavings and very light chocolate sauce on it.” Harvest told her.

“My favorite is blueberry ice cream.” Blood Moon happily announced.

“‘What was the real reason you wanted the Star?’ I was really messed up. I had been rejected over and over again and I was angry and I just wanted someone to stay. I latched onto the star, but I didn’t really want it. I wanted attention. I wanted someone to love me. I was so angry I was willing to restart the world to make a world where someone finally stayed.” She admitted.

“Here’s a more upbeat question! ‘What’s all of you three’s love interests?’ Eh, sis, got anybody you like?” Blood Moon teased.

“Yes, but the internet doesn’t need to know.” She answered simply.

“Well, I like the DJ. I visited him once while we were hiding from you and he’s got this really tall, handsome new humanoid body and he’s just…he’s so nice to look at.” Blood Moon blabbered.

“I like Bonnie. Met him while we were on the streets after October, before you came back online. Bonnie was really nice, understood that we’re two people. He took us to his house for a week, made sure we were okay after that fight with you banged us up pretty bad. He even helped with a nightmare I had.

“‘What pets would you have?’ I like cats. They’re cute little bastards.” Eclipse smiled, she’d love a kitten.

“I’ll bring you home one of my stray cats.” Blood Moon told her. “I like snakes. They’re so cute and scaly. They’re like us, they eat rats.”

“I like ferrets. They remind me of Bloody.” Harvest commented.

“Last question, this is getting long. Even with the ten minutes we have to cut out. ‘What’s your favorite food?’ I like coffee. I haven’t really tried actual food, but I liked coffee.” Eclipse told the twins.

“Pizza. Roxanne has a special spicy pizza and I liked it!” Blood Moon happily announced.

“I like the sun drop candies. They’re sweet and lemony and pineapple. They’re good.” Harvest smiled.

“Alright. That’s all for this time, thanks for watching. Like, comment, subscribe, all the stuff Lunar usually said. We’ll see you next time on the Eclipse, Blood Moon, and Harvest Moon Show.” Eclipse added her sibling into the outro and the twins left on Bloody’s venture of feeding more stray cats. She edited and posted the video to the new channel. It looked good as a first addition to their channel.

[spaceyflowerswriting]

request by @gold21101 !

a new me... kind of (hyeonsu lee x reader)

details: fluffy oneshot, gender neutral reader written in 2nd pov, general canon au, you and hyeonsu are best friends, this takes place after jinho gets arrested

summary: hyeonsu opens up for once.

a/n: thank you for the request :]

fyi a lot of this characterization is made up since hyeonsu's just a side character with little screen time but i wanted to develop(?) him so... either way, i hope this can still be enjoyed !!

×

"Fucking hell..." Hyeonsu groaned and turned away the second you walked into the hospital room.

You scoffed, strolling in with a small smile. "Your best friend comes here to visit you and this is how you react?"

He glared at you before trying to hide his face behind his hands. "It's embarrassing as fuck having you visit me. I got stabbed and went down in barely a minute. Meanwhile that stupid god damn bowl haircut loser kicked that gangster freak's ass."

You rolled your eyes and pulled over a chair to sit by Hyeonsu in his bed. "Okay, and? The only reason you were there in the first place was because you were getting paid. I'd say that's even more embarrassing because everyone else was there for justice, revenge, or whatever."

"Wow, fuck you."

You burst into a small fit of laughter, replying, "You didn't deny me." He swore at you again while you hummed. "Yeah, yeah. Anyways, how are you feeling? You've been ignoring all my texts."

He huffed. "I didn't want you to visit so I ignored you hoping that would make you leave me alone."

"Clearly you don't know how our friendship works."

"Whatever, dumbass." Hyeonsu finally lowered his hands and turned back to face you. "Also, I'm feeling fine. I wanna get the hell outta here but the doctors are sayin' I should stay one more day so they can make sure my body's recovering normally or something."

"Well, at least you feel okay." You offer him a smile and he barely returned it.

"Yeah." He added more quietly, "Emotionally, though? I don't know if I'm gonna recover."

"That bad? Never heard you bring up your emotions like that before." For once your tone is somewhat sympathetic.

Hyeonsu went silent, his expression unreadable. It stayed like that for a long while. Usually you would've mocked him, but considering what he just went through, you held back. Worry slowly filled you up as the silence dragged on.

It wasn't until nearly a whole minute later he finally spoke up again.

"Since I'm already embarrassing myself being here, it wouldn't hurt to add to it, huh?"

You only tilt your head to prompt him for more.

He sighed heavily. "Look, I already know how stupid this sounds, but I just want to say I've been thinking about... me. And... I feel weird."

"Go on."

Hyeonsu made vague motions with a hand before having it fall with a "thump" by his side as he sighed again, but more harshly. "Nevermind. It's too stupid."

You push him with, "Hyeonsu, come on. You've told me all kinds of stupid shit before already."

"Ugh. My pride is on the fucking line."

"Then let it out so I can smash it to bits. You'll have space to remake your pride then!" Your reply is responded with a not-very-light punch to the arm. "Ow!"

"Will you take me more seriously if I say I'm having an identity crisis instead?"

"Huh?" The words catch you so much by surprise you could almost ignore the stinging in your arm.

He turned, almost violently, just before you could see his expression. "Yeah. Exactly."

"Embarrassing to say out loud?" you finished for him.

A tense silence fell over the both of you. You suddenly felt awkward, unsure of how to best proceed, but eventually you carefully ask, "What's making you feel like that?" He doesn't answer immediately, and you take the small moment to go back to wincing at your arm.

"I don't fuckin' know. I mean, I do, but..." Hyeonsu groaned, slapping a hand over his face and dragging it down. "It's..."

"Yeah..."

"Want me to guess?"

He turned to look at you just to deadpan. "No, that'll only make me feel more stupid because I know you're gonna say some dumb shit."

You snickered. "Then just say it. Maybe even whisper it, if that helps you feel like you're not announcing something embarrassing to the world."

He thinned his lips, taking your words into consideration, but then shook his head. "You know what, I'll just say it." Hesitance, a dramatic pause. "Me getting my ass beat." Your jaw dropped immediately while he threw his hands up in the air. "There, I fuckin' said it." Once his hands fell back down, he glared at you. "Pick up your damn jaw."

"My bad, I just--" You sputtered over yourself. "Are you--are you being serious? Getting your ass beat is giving you an identity crisis?"

"Don't say it together like that, I'm realizing even more how stupid this sounds."

"I mean, it does sounds funny, but I wanna understand. What's going on?"

"Look, you think I know? I just feel fucking stupid about it," he scoffed.

"I'm telling you, Hyeonsu, this is why dudes like you need to explore your own emotions and be able to vocalize them better instead of just being angry all the time."

"Not this shit again..."

"Okay, sorry, I'm being serious though." You reach a hand out, touching his forearm. "And as your friend, I want to understand and help you get through this, but I can't help you if you can't express it to me." A smile formed on your face as you noticed him relax a little under your touch despite his knitted brows.

"Fine. I guess it's..." He looked off to the side. "I never really thought I was the strongest person in the world, but I did think I was the best around at least. Clearly, I'm not."

"And...?"

"And it's making me think I shouldn't be walking around the way I do." He sighed harshly. "Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not suddenly some insecure loser, I know I'm still better than most people but it just sucks knowing there's people out there who can kick my ass." His eyes dart upwards in thought. "I guess what I'm trying to say is the part of me that thought I was the best got fucked up, so now I don't know what that leaves me with. Am I even THE Hyeonsu Lee if I'm just some guy who can get beat up?"

Slowly, you nod. "So your 'I'm the best!' thing got shattered and you don't feel like anyone without it?"

"I guess. Fuck if I know."

A feeling of pity ran through you at his confession, but you tried not to show it, knowing that would only make your friend mad. "Hm... do you have any plans on what to do about it?"

Hyeonsu shrugged. "Mind my own business more? I don't know. Can't walk around like I own the place now that the two times I've gotten my ass handed to me are both recorded and are online forever."

"Well... minding your own business more seems like a nice idea," you tried to say with encouragement.

Hyeonsu shrugged again, his expression still blank.

You forced a smile and changed the topic. Maybe it'd take off any embarrassment he was feeling. "See? Talking about your feelings wasn't so bad, right?"

You chuckle while Hyeonsu rolled his eyes. "Only 'cause it's you. But that does remind me of another thing."

"Yeah?" You lean in a little, amused when he backs off just as much with what appeared to be a somewhat embarrassed scowl.

"It's about you. Aren't you embarrassed to be friends with a guy who got his ass beat?"

For the second time, your jaw almost dropped but you managed to replace it instead with a breathy laugh. One that evolved into a small fit of giggles.

Hyeonsu slipped his forearm out from under your hand to cross his arms. "Oh, great. You're laughing."

"I-I'm sorry--" you try to reply between laughs, "It's just... wow, dude. This is the one thing you're ashamed of? Out of all things I could be embarrassed of being your friend for?"

You manage to dodge a slap from his hand on your arm while he snapped, "If you've got that many things to be embarrassed of, then why the hell are you my friend?"

Seeing his frustration made you attack back with comfort--in the form of a forehead flick. "Because I like you, you asshole."

He rubbed at his forehead until he registered your words and widened his eyes. Shock was written all over his face and you didn't realize what he was thinking until his cheeks began to turn slightly red.

"Oh. Oh my god. I didn't mean it like that." Suddenly, you felt as flustered as him, waving your hands around in an attempt to explain yourself. "I meant I like you because you're my friend!"

"...Right."

Was that... disappointment in his voice? You didn't give yourself time to mull over it, being still panicked by what you had just said, and continued on with, "If I didn't leave you for literally beating up people, why would I leave you because you got your ass beat? Do you think I was friends with you because you were strong? No, it's because you're fun to hang around!" Hyeonsu stared at you, his expression a pokerface and you tried to convince him with a joke, "What kind of person do you think I am, huh?"

Your smile grew strained as he broke eye contact. "So you don't care, huh?"

"Of course I don't care." You nodded for emphasis. "I'm just glad you made it out alive, especially with that creepy gangster guy. In fact, I want you to stop getting into stupid fights."

Hyeonsu's angry look quickly came back. "Hah, and do what? Start feeding stray dogs? Giving my seat up for old people? Pick up trash for fun?"

"That would be great, actually, but I'm not trying to turn you into a--" You hold up air quotes. "'Good person,' all I'm asking is you to pick your fights wisely." You gave him a cheeky smile. "I don't think you could even manage being a good person."

"Damn right." Finally, Hyeonsu laughed a little. After came a short, peaceful pause, but the silence is broken by him announcing, "Alright, I got it. You and I are still friends, and I'll tone down my attitude by a good 0.2 percent. I guess that way I can still be me."

Grinning, you take the chance to slap his arm back. "That's my man!"

"Ouch, fucker, that's the arm that got hurt."

"Oh, shit, sorry!" you quickly apologize, feeling bad until Hyeonsu burst into laughter.

"I'm kidding. You fell for such an easy trick."

You slapped him again, with a bit more force this time. "How am I supposed to know?! You're literally laying in a hospital bed!"

He just hummed in amusement before casually bringing up another conversation topic and you tagged along with a shake of your head. Before you both knew it, an hour had passed, and you figured it was time for you to head home.

"Besides, I promised a friend I was gonna study with them."

Hyeonsu waved you off. "Fine, go do your lame stuff."

Easily sensing the bitterness in his voice, you reach a hand out to pinch his cheek, lightly pulling on it. "Aw, you gonna miss me? Don't worry, I'll come back tomorrow!"

He grumbled and grabbed your wrist to stop your teasing. "If I see your stupid face tomorrow, I'm beating you up."

"Ooh, I'm so scared!" You pull away from his grip to hug yourself, pretending to shiver. When he held up a fist, you jumped back, laughing as you made your way to the exit of the room. "Okay, okay, I'm done!" You turned around to smile and wave. "See ya, Hyeonsu!"

His fist turned into a middle finger. "Bye, loser." You roll your eyes, about to turn again to leave until he said, "Also..." You look over your shoulder at him. "Thanks for sticking around." His cheeks flushed red as he muttered the words, and for a reason you weren't ready to confront, you felt your own cheeks warming up.

"You're very welcome." As you officially left the room, shutting the door behind you, you became painfully aware of how much your cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing. The warmth on your face only worsened as you recalled how much Hyeonsu was smiling and laughing with you, and then you thought about how he sounded a little disappointed when you said the two of you were just friends and--

"Nope, nope, nope, that's a problem for another day." You speedwalked down the hall, determined to make it home without bringing it up ever again.

Nonetheless, you were content to spend some good time with your best friend after making sure he was okay.

[rainbowsky]

Hai 👋

This ask is nothing related to GGDD its rather personal. So i recently discovered my self as bi and im 23. It was terrifying to be honest cause im pretty sure that im straight. and suddenly felt attracted towards a girl, but it felt great to accept this new side of me. And i come out to my family and friends which surprisingly went well. But i don't how my colleagues know about it or who told them. At frist they act like they didn't know anything but eventually they started make fun of me. Even said to one of my male colleague that he should make his girlfriend stay away from me and they dismissed it as a joke. Some of female colleague stoped talking to me. They always find a way indirectly make fun of me. I love my job really but its getting hard for me to be in my workplace and its getting stressful day by day. I don't want to worry my family they have enough on their plate right now. My friends suggest me to quit job. I don't know what to do.. So can you please give some tips to how to handle the situation? Sorry for this long ask but please consider this to answer🙏.

Thank you

Ugh, Anon. That sounds so hard. Big hugs to you. 🫂

First and foremost, congratulations to you for having the courage to come out and to live your truth. I know how hard that can be. 💖

I totally understand your decision not to share your workplace issues with your parents. Sometimes the discrimination we face can actually end up being used as an excuse to further discriminate against us. Some less enlightened family members are fine with us being queer until they perceive the ways in which our lives are made more difficult by being queer, and then they start questioning whether "it's really so necessary to put yourself through all that."

Since you're bisexual, this could lead to your parents encouraging you to seek opposite sex partners and avoid same-sex partners.

It's great when we can have the support of family during times like this, but unfortunately that support isn't always forthcoming, and the worst time to find that out is when you're already in a sort of crisis situation. It can push people over the edge, so please take care of your emotional/mental health by not putting more pressure on the situation than is completely necessary.

As for the workplace situation, it's really difficult to give a solid answer on how best to approach things, because I don't know what region you are in and a lot depends on the labor laws and professional norms/culture where you live.

If this was my region, the solution would be obvious. Your employer would have a legal obligation to ensure you are not being harassed or discriminated against in the workplace based on your sexual orientation. Anyone engaging in that behavior would be in hot water.

But I know not everywhere is as progressive as Canada, and there are regions in the world that provide no legal protection for people who are targeted based on sexual orientation, gender identity, sex, religion, etc.

So my first advice would be to research the laws and regulations in your region and in your workplace (many workplaces have policies on this type of thing, some do not). And I would advise that everyone does this, wherever they live and whether they are queer or straight. In the immortal words of Joe Strummer: "KNOW YOUR RIGHTS!"

If you are in a region and/or workplace that has policies against this behavior, you have the option to avail yourself of those policies and laws. This isn't always a simple, happy solution though. Just because a workplace or region has policies, it doesn't mean the people on the ground are competent with managing and enforcing them (or are even in agreement with them). YMMV based on who is in charge of these things.

You might push the issue and find the behavior stops, but that you are treated like an outsider anyway. However, you might find that taking action empowers you and gives you strength, and it could result in growth and change in the people around you. It's a bit of a roll of the dice.

Whether or not you are in a region where your rights are protected, I think the most important first step to take is to find an ally, preferably more than one. There is strength in numbers. You might find it very helpful to reach out to people who can help and support you:

A close friend who supports your sexuality and who you feel you can trust not to share your story without your consent.

Someone within your work organization who you trust, ideally someone who has more power/authority than you.

Someone within a LGBT organization in your region who understands the culture and laws in your area who can help you navigate this issue and provide you moral support as well.

If you are in a union, it would probably be wise to speak to your union rep. about your contractual rights.

If you have a therapist or counselor you can speak with, do so. If not, perhaps consider finding one, even just for a while.

Work together with people you trust to come up with a plan of action - whether that action is to lodge a complaint or to simply leave that company and find a new job - and lean on them for support as needed. When you are in crisis, it's best to build on and make use of a solid support system.

Whatever you decide, make sure you are well supported for whatever comes out of it.

It could be that leaving is your best option (if I was your friend I might be advising it too). If you decide to go that route, don't do so suddenly even if that's tempting, unless you really feel you can't take it anymore. It would probably be best to give yourself space to maintain your financial situation while you look for a new opportunity.

And if you do end up looking for a new job, it would probably be a good idea to take a measure of the culture there before considering coming out. You might also want to research their policies and culture before even taking a position there.

Good luck, Anon. I really hope it all works out for you, and I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with something like this. 💖

No matter what happens, know that you have my support and the support of the queer community in general, so if you need to talk or find yourself struggling, please reach out. And if you have any further questions, please feel free to write back or contact me privately.

EDIT: One thing you could try is to talk directly with the people who are harassing you - particularly anyone who might be a ringleader or have the social power to stand against the ringleader (if your allies feel it's something that might work).

Building bridges can often be much more rewarding that fortifying walls. People find it easier to be horrible to you when they can dehumanize you. If they see you as a person - maybe even as a friend - that might turn things around. They might even become an ally in the workplace who can help turn others around as well.

it might be worth a try if you're considering leaving anyway.

[jmrothwell]

For the fanfic asks! C, F, W

Heya Ash!! Thanks for the ask!!

.

C: What member do you identify with most?

Ok this question threw me off a bit so thank you again for helping clarify.

Ok so we're saying member means character which in that case, I related to Alex the most.

In large part because he has anxiety, I've got anxiety. He's got friends that don't entirely get it, I've get friends/coworkers/family who don't entirely get it. Like they try but....they don't get it even when I try to explain and that means sometimes they do more harm than they intend(just like a couple of moments from the show with Alex and the band)

Also he's going through a bit of an identity crisis which has been me for the past like decade.

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

(This took a bit because I had to try and go back and review some of my Dialogue scenes XD)

All right so this is from the last Chapter of All I Ask sooo spoiler warning:

She glared at him, and what the hell was she getting upset over? “Did you ever talk to the girl this song is about?”

“I mean,” he was caught off guard by the question and its phrasing, uncertain what was running through Julie's mind.  He tried to not look at her but his eyes caught on hers anyway. “She and I talk all the time.” 

“But you never talked about this! You never even asked her how she felt.” Her voice started to bleed with a panicked desperation he didn’t understand.

Time for a bit of a ramble, XD. God I loved writing this fight and I WISH I could have better captured Julie's thought process in it.

Her question at the beginning of this snippet is the first time she refers to the mystery person in Reggie's song by something other than a gender neutral term.

And in all honesty it was a bit of a gambit, her trying to confirm what she's pretty sure she already knows.

In fact if Reggie wasn't so lost in his head this bit right here is where it should become very clear that Julie knows the song is referring to her. I went through a few iterations of this little bit just trying to capture that, and though I'm not sure if anyone else noticed (or if I captured that at all) I love it.

W: Do you like more general prompts, or more specific ones?

I like them both for their own reasons. More specific prompts really narrows the field down and is great for busier days where I want to write but have like no brain power. Though depending on the specificity of the prompt my creativity can feel a bit stifled with nowhere to go.

Really general prompts allows for more out of the box thinking (AUs, twists on concepts) more creative freedom. These prompts only becomes a problem in situations like I am presently in. Where it feels like all creativity has dried up and even the simplest of ideas is taking way more work than usual to come up with.

If I am sending prompts, I tend to keep them general because I don't want to sound too demanding XD.

.

FanFic Ask Game

[underscorecc]

2.

ive reached another time where i feel like i need to vomit out all the shit thats been churning in my psyche. you know that feeling where you dont want to go to sleep because of this subtle sensation in your stomach? I think its dissatisfaction, both with myself and with the people around me.

the girl that i broke up with turned out to just be a hoe. She played w my heart and told me i was " the right guy at the wrong time" and that "she needed time to be single" and then immediately hopped onto some mid ass white dude LOL. anyways i fucking hate her guts. not cause she doesnt like me anymore, but because shes a damn liar. on a positive note it just means that little plot threat in my life has just been tied up, and now all i have to do is reconcile with the distrust for people that ive already been harboring, so nbd.

the ppl in my life kinda got me fucked up tho. right now i feel like theres no one genuinely there for me. I have a therapist, but you cant rlly get the level of intimacy with a therapist in the way youd have with family or friends. so right now i feel like i have nobody. my friends all suddenly seem extremely disinterested in talking to me. someone who i consider my best friend barely texts me and brushes off making plans and never reaches out. and my other friends just dont seem to really care or respond to me anymore. I get replies, but im not having conversations. it also seems like my mom is tired of me. shes even said it herself. she gets annoyed at a bunch of little things that i do. so i dont think id be wrong to assume ive become a nuisance rather than a valued family member.

it totally could be me. it totally could be them. it also totally could just be a series of unfortunate circumstances so ive been kinda torn trying to figure it out. I know im partially to blame. i can be overbearing and i dont know when to shut the fuck up. its hard for me to do genuine real talk anymore. I say "real talk" and then give advice to friends (probably unsolicited). but i never rlly talk about stuff that goes beyond skin deep. I talk about terrible moments in my life, like when i was sa'd or like something fucked up ive done, but its water under the bridge and doesnt rlly affect me anymore. i dont know, i just get the feeling that people will be repulsed if they see the real me. the me that is insecure and struggling and tired and angry. god im fucking angry, but im also so goddamn complacent, which is infinitely worse.

i am in the process of changing my life in a drastic way, which is needed. wont say how but it should shake things up in a good way. unfortunately its also partially a waiting game. so im stuck here in this in-between where i am given the privilege and honor of being alone with all of my thoughts!!!

i think i am having an identity crisis. I dont know what defines me anymore and i dont know who i want to be. ive thought about changing my name. im already changing what i wear (slightly). and weirdly enough even though i am a straight, cis dude, i occasionally have very very slight doubts about my sexuality and gender. its probably normal tho who knows.

I think this stems from a lack of masculinity in my life. having high free testosterone does not make me a man. being aggressive or stoic does not make me a man. but theres this concept of a real man in my head as something to aspire to be, but its an extremely vague and loose concept ive formed. despite being 20, i dont really see myself as a man. but im not a boy either. not to say im non binary. im just in this awkward in-between period. I wish i had a genuine masculine figure in my life who i could look up do. my dad is more like reddit atheist ben shapiro who debatelords me when he doesnt like me doing something. i dont live with him anymore so those problems are in the past, but the lack of a male role model is catching up to me, and its on me to define my own masculinity, but like fuckkkkkk i dont think ur supposed to do this by urself.

i been feeling mad weak. i always was a pussy on leg day and its showing now that i havent been to the gym for months. it really makes me feel pathetic. that 15% increase in struggle for things that i used to pick up with ease is really shameful, or embarrassing, or idk. it just fucking sucks. I want to be a strong person who cannot be surmounted, like a legendary dragon. But at the same time i dont know if these desires are my own or some responsibility i put onto myself as a means to gain social acceptance. its probably something i should put thought into when im eating enough and actually going to the gym, but i think ive been holding off because i feel so pathetic.

its a brutal cycle too. I feel pathetic from prior experiences where ive been demeaned (so a lot) -> i feel i dont have the grit or willpower to do something -> i try something thinking ill fail or just avoid it outright -> i feel pathetic. shit sucks ass.

anyways word vomit over thats p much it

[orphic-exe-archived]

(SRRY THIS IS A LOT LONGER THAN I EXPECTED IT TO BE WHEN WRITING. TAKE UR TIME ) (Taking “ask as many questions as you like” and running with it /silly) same anon from before again again. idk kind of rant incoming bcuz i don’t much much of anywhere else to! im sort of questioning being plural but with a big question mark there bcuz it could honestly just be my gender changing too much and the identity crisis 💔 and i feel like for every symptom i have there’s at least 2 more i dont. my gender fluctuates enough already but sometimes specific genders or pronouns seem to come with certain name preferences and moods (to which I’ve always referred to as different “vibes” because that’s the only way i figured to describe things). but each of these sort of “vibes” have started to actually feel like different ppl and ive started to mess around with acknowledging them separately and it does feel nice. im also realizing that even though i don’t hear any distinct voices or anything in my mind, when i think to myself it’s more of actual back and forth conversation than is normal from what ive asked some friends? i never have amnesia at all (other than the usual forgetfulness i have which is very minor) but sometimes ill do things that don’t feel like. myself? like ill forget I drew/posted/wrote something for a bit but when I see it again i remember. and I know i did it, I was there, doing it, even though i feel like it wasn’t me. and not like im not in control of my body when I do it either cuz I very much remember doing it i just dont see why or what my thought process was. i have a whiteboard in my room where I’ve started making doodles of whatever feels like “myself” at any certain time and they’re all kind of similar but still feel like distinct. ppl. and again i physically remember drawing the other ones but it’s still weird. but most of this is just me I guess, because I don’t think i ever act particularly different online or irl around other ppl, it’s always just things i observe when im alone. i also know i have problems with symptoms of things I think I might have only appearing after I overthink it but maybeeeeeee it’s just im noticing it more? probably not. oh also before I forget I’ve also never actually dissociated or anything (at least to my understanding of an out of body experience type of thing. (Well actually I did once and remember it very clearly but that was several years ago when I hadn’t slept for much longer than usual)). its just normal zoning out for me i guess. anyways idk where i was rlly going with this and ik everyone’s experiences r different and obviously strangers on the internet can’t diagnose me with anything but I just wanted to say something ^-^ thank u for reading if u did lol

hey man! i can get that it’s stressful to figure all this out. if it helps, our experiences are pretty similar! our syscovery started with name preferences, feeling really different, and pronoun/gender identity preferences fluctuating. it sounds to me like you could very well be plural!

like you said, i can’t diagnose you with anything. however, there are some ways to try and log your headmates/alters/parts (whatever you’d prefer them called)! for example, the website simplyplural (we don’t use but many systems do) or the pluralkit bot on discord (if you use discord!) these softwares can do things like track your switches, log your headmates with names, pronouns, and descriptions, and more.

there’s no harm in giving those helpful resources a try, especially if you’re seriously considering this possibility. if you have a therapist/some form of professional help, it would be really good to bring these feelings up with them as well.

for now, keep doing what you’re already doing, possibly dabble in simplyplural or pluralkit (or another resource i didn’t list — any notes app could work as well)

i’m gonna start calling you “system questioning anon” in case you have any more questions to send me, as long as you don’t mind!

i also have to apologize— all three of these asks were answered by three different headmates (kumo, oliver, and myself (olly) in chronological order.)

[portrait0fthem00n]

"Bad and crazy" more like I'm going (bad and) crazy over my sexuality and gender identity watching this drama

[wheredidhiseyebrowsgo]

hey uhm, this isn't a looking-for-a-specific-fic thing, more of like, wanting to find fics that feature trans!Stiles and are either finished or ongoing i.e. not ones that have clearly been abandoned since they give me anxiety for some reason??? heh thanks anyway

I totally feel ya. I have been burned one too many times by WIPs. smh.

maybe it's okay by 21hax

(1/1 I 1,290 I General I No Pairing)

When he was young, Stiles never really felt "different" from anyone else. Even though his parents dressed him in pink and told him to use the girls' room, he was fine with it, didn't think about it. He never really thought at all about his gender or what it meant about him or about how people saw him. If someone thought he was weak, then they were stupid. If someone thought he'd rather stay indoors and play with dolls or kiddie cookware than run outside with Scott and play with bugs in the mud, then they obviously didn't know him very well.

Sometimes I wish I could lend you my ears, lend you my thoughts and lend you my tears. Sometimes I wish I could take a new form. Switch out some parts and become like the norm. by VixenSlays

(1/1 I 2,400 I General I Sciles)

"What?"

"You said changing your name makes you feel like more of a boy. But you are a boy, why do you need to feel like more of something you already are?" After hearing Scott's explanation, he stopped.

His eyebrows furrowed, "I guess I've never thought about it that way.

Or, 3 times where Stiles is trans and Scott helps +1 time he goes above and beyond.

Not Stella by Fidelius

(1/1 I 2,596 I Teen I Steter)

Stiles isn't Stella. He never was. Not even when people thought he was. He's Stiles. His biggest hope is that his soul mate's wrist says his name. His biggest fear is that his soul mate's wrist says her name.

(i'm only me) when i'm with you by jessewrites

(1/1 I 4,215 I General I Sciles)

When Stiles Stilinski is five years old, he takes the scissors from his mother’s desk and cuts his hair. He laughs as long pieces fall to the floor, and his gap-toothed grin is huge as he looks at his new, short hair. It’s choppy, and his mother almost faints when he shows her, proudly, but he loves it.

Let The World Pass By by WeAreTheLuckyOnes

(1/1 I 7,381 I Explicit I Sterek)

Stiles and Derek go for a drive.

Dude, bro by rosepetals42

(1/1 I 7,960 I Teen I No Pairing)

“It’s Mister Stilinski,” Stiles repeats. “That- uh. There’s a mistake. On the paperwork. It’s Mister.” That was all it was. Just a mistake on the paperwork. On the school records and his birth certificate and his social security card. On all the paperwork. But still, just a mistake. That’s what his therapists said. His cells had made a little mistake but it isn’t disgusting or wrong or sick. He isn’t a mistake. Just the papers. His body.

All That's Best of Dark and Bright by breakaway71

(1/1 I 28,180 I Teen I Sterek)

It's not a gender identity crisis if you've known all along what the problem is. If you've been purposely trying to ignore it since you were old enough to consciously make that choice.

But what happens after that, when you finally learn how to let go?

The Heart Remains The Same by heartsdesire456

(1/1 I 28,797 I Teen I Sterek)

When Stiles left for college, he already knew the truth... Stiles wasn't a 'he' at all. Dropped into a new, exciting, liberating level of freedom that came with going to college somewhere without anyone who knew her, Stiles began to explore her true self and began her quest to become the girl she knew she had always been. Her fears of everyone's reactions back home led to skipping the first holiday... and then a second. And then the next.

Two and a half years after leaving Beacon Hills - two and a half years spent living an entire new life as a trans!woman - a call in the night forces Stiles to go back to Beacon Hills to face the people she had left and the friends she had abandoned.

“Stiles… it’s your dad.”

A Wolf In Wolf's Clothing by alexenglish

(8/8 I 81,325 I Explicit I Sterek)

The pack of Beacon Hills' past transgressions are about to converge on them, and Derek stumbles out of the forest with no recent memories and straight into a pack he doesn't know, with an alpha and an anchor he can't possibly remember.

[outivv]

Could you do Sara, Jean, Beidou, and Signora with a renowned swordsman s/o who goes through an identity crisis after losing their sword arm in an accident and having to abandon their craft

Synopsis: identity crisis time

Warnings: reader literally lost an arm, basically has ptsd too, and goes through an identity crisis

Game/ fandom: genshin impact

Characters: sara, jean, beidou, and la signora

Pronouns for reader: gender neutral/ not mentioned

A/n: this… was difficult to write I’m not even gonna lie

— Sara —

As a warrior herself she can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through.

I mean, her life revolves around fighting, war, and her ability to use her weapon, so to watch someone go through losing their livelihood… she feels sorry for so much

I think she’d help you anyway possible, but mostly how to fight with your other hand, she doesn’t want to watch you lose yourself because you can’t fight anymore.

— jean —

She’s there for you throughout everything but… with this? She doesn’t know what to do. It’s like watching a wingless bird try to fly, you can’t help it do what it yearns for, so you just… sit there.

Definitely cries because for once in her life she can’t help someone. Or at least can’t help them in the way they want her to.

She kinda tells you to stay anyway from fighting, just because she doesn’t want you getting hurt more than you already are, both physically and mentally.

— beidou —

Oh…

This one hit her deep.

I mean yea, any harm that comes to you is painful to her, but this… this hurts in so many ways.

She can’t watch you do what you’re good at, what you live anymore, she failed you, failed to protect you, failed to provide for you, and now she has to live with you feeling useless, powerless, and a burden on everyone around you.

She’ll search everywhere for something to help you, going to Fontaine and snezhnaya even, to find someone who can make a prosthetic for you.

— la signora —

She knows how you feel, she went through an identity crisis herself, and now… she has to watch you do the same thing.

She’ll have dottore make you a prosthetic, even at the cost of her own life. Because… well… it’s dottore… there’s going to be a cost

She’ll help you train yourself to get used to the prosthetic, anything to make you feel whole again.

[gunsatthaphan]

Khao, at least, during Safe House? before SH? was reading a book on Gender and Sexuality - I don't remember the correct title translation. Maybe he mentioned it in their Brazilian interview. His answer to how he feels about the representation of LGBTQ+ in their series was quite poignant IMO. That whole interview was quite nice.

Ah, what do you think of the Eclipse novel's sequel's synopsis (?) ?

so... you're telling me first has an identity crisis over calling khao cute and then khao picks up a book on gender and sexuality? jhsdgjkd shutup. I couldn't find the interview you were talking about though 😕 if someone has a link let me know!!

But anyway, I'm a little confused about the whole season 2 thing. Apparently the author of the novel said something about a sequel being in the making and apparently they already talked to first and khao about it?

Idk... people are already freaking out but this is not a confirmation lol. Also I couldn't find anything on a possible synopsis. As far as I know it's not even written yet lol. also it goes without saying that I only want this to happen if this doesn't get the default bl-sequel-treatment.

But let's wait and see 🤷🏼‍♀️

xxx

[pbeltarts]

Ok your fanart made me (probably all who saw it) to ship Danny and Dash so I have some questions related to Dash and a little with my new favorite trans boy.

Did you thinked about a backstory for Dash and a reason why he bully Danny?

How Dash and Danny meet? What was the relationship between Danny and Dash until bulling? The fact that Danny is trans made Dash act the way he does?

How the Fenton family react when Danny came out as a trans boy?

How is Dash family and how much they influence Dash life? We know nothing about it from the original in and I think you have or will have a really interesting idea about it.

Did Dash know that Danny is trans or he thinks Danny is just a skinny shy guy?

MOST IMPORTAN QUESTION: WHY IS DANNY SO ADORABLE???

Sorry if there are so many question. 😅

holy moly okay so

I think Dash and Danny have known each other since childhood days, kinda like Sam and Danny and since I don't think Danny came out until late middle school/early high school (essentially a time just before the show plot starts), I think most people who have been in the school system growing up with him would know he's trans

HOWEVER, I don't think this is a reason Dash would bully him or at least not the main reason? Cus I just don't like that narrative of 'bullying the queer kid'. What I think the case is, in a lot of bullying anyway, is that Dash kinda struggles himself with liking himself starting late middle school. Hormones are a thing by that time and I think Dash is gay, and that starts this internalized homophobia and stuff and to get away from that he starts doing anything possible to sort of prove his brain wrong. He does football, he works out a lot and beefs up, he hangs out with all these pretty girls, etc etc bc he's definitely not gay!!! right???

I think Danny partially becomes a target because in that time of Dash refusing to accept himself, Danny has? Danny has accepted himself and came out and is openly changing and I think that felt like waving a red flag at Dash so then he starts his bullying stuff. Which isn't cool, bullying isn't cool, none of this behavior is justified, just how I think it manifests.

I think too after awhile it's almost just normal to Dash to pick on Danny and he doesn't even remember why he does it anymore. Like even after highschool starts and he maybe is out to his close friends and is more comfortable with this change, he's still picking on Danny but the 'why' is fuzzy. Which I would think makes the identity reveal to Dash more gut-punching bc he would then remember everything he did and why he did because he's forced to reevaluate everything in that moment.

As for Dash's parents, I've not given them much thought. There's the idea that most shows go for that his dad is some overbearing football guy who wants his son to be super masculine, but honestly, I think that's kinda meh. I think in my idea, Dash's dad would be the more openly supportive and slightly laid back one? While Dash's mother is more... expecting of her son? She has high standards she expects him to meet.

As for the Fenton family's reaction to Danny's coming out, I think they'd be really supportive. They're already clearly unconventional and nonconservative thinkers, so I don't think there'd be any apprehension. I like to think that Danny told Jas first because she's the most grounded in the family and therefore she would be able to give him a sound reaction and help him out. I think she talked him through his gender crisis and helped him to research and talk about it to figure out how he really felt. Then I think they told his parents together, Jas mostly there as support, and his parents were super happy for him. Jack proudly proclaims 'MY SON' any instance he can, will really emphasize it in conversations. Maddie less energetic but just as supportive, immediately helping him fix his room up and getting new clothes and stuff for him to feel more comfortable.

[kayfarafey]

Transgenderize maya. Hit her with the trans beam boss

pats maya on the head gently. this spirit medium can fit so much identity crisis in her.

maya's definitely a nonbinary transfem (she/they pronouns), but she initially identified as a trans woman. i talk about it in my post about mia too but trans women are pretty enthusiastically accepted in the fey clan, so maya's Gender Problems actually started when her identity as a woman in general started to chafe. she kept quiet about it for a long, long time, since by the time she started to realize it, mia had already left kurain village, and they were not about to go talk to morgan about that sort of thing, so they were really left to just. try to ignore it. the issue WAS that since they weren't comfortable being a woman, they didn't know how that sort of thing would affect their spirit channeling abilities. truthfully, no one actually knows how being nonbinary would affect someone's spiritual abilities, since no one's studying this shit, so maya is very sensitive to struggling with her powers. even though she IS just a spirit medium in training (during the trilogy) they're terrified of not being able to do (what she considers to be) the one thing that they're good for, especially as the only remaining member of the main family and next in line to be the master. it's a huge sore spot for them.

she does get a chance to eventually talk about it with mia and nick and they all end up agreeing that hey, we don't know a lot about this, you can definitely look into it yourself if you wanted to but you're kicking ass right now anyway so just focus on being happy and comfortable because your value as a person is not defined by your spiritual ability in the slightest. and that's enough for maya to start working her way through untangling all those complex emotions and it all works out and i love maya so fucking much.

send me your trans headcanons, or send me some characters and i'll tell you mine!