#i was abt to say the most deancoded thing in the history of the world noooo we cant let this happen | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

deangirldisease · 2 years

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hm.

becoming a little like. genuinely concerned with the level of my apathy. its almost like executive distinction but not rly bc while id like the things to BE done but im not necessarily TRYING to do them and meeting resistance. like even mentally i just cannot be assed. and i do i DO want the results. i know a good life takes effort i know itll be steps before i can be happy and theyre not even hard steps i have a to do list of four (4) items!!! but im just sitting here decomposing and im straddling that line where its like this is worrying but not worrying enough to take action. esp cos last time i ‘took action’ i just fucking moved to canada. and it did not help let me tell you. also off topic but theres a secret fifth item on my list which is opening dating apps again to get some fucking intimacy on this bitch of an earth and thats so far removed from my realm of possibility for some reason that i didnt even put it on the actual list? im like. somehow embarrassed by the whole concept of it. and i do think the ao3 addiction has something to do with it i will admit. like its just not going well sisters idk.

#this is a diary entry #do not read por favor ily thanks #personal #< this is bc i found posts from when i was in high school experiencing anxiety that i have since completely overwritten #so i think itll be interesting for me to read this in ten years time also #at least i hope itll be like a fun little haha i forgot i was on the fucking edge! how silly now that i am well and happy #or something :)#you know that post thats like it gets better but worded more specifically and then ‘do you fucking promise op’#lowkey crying rn thinking abt it hhhh #anyway #shes fine. let me showering and pretending im a normal person #uhhhh in retrospect do not read this tags also idk fjfjf #IT IS SHAMEFUL TO EXPERIENCE EMOTIONS IDK. cant even go to therapy cos-#i was abt to say the most deancoded thing in the history of the world noooo we cant let this happen #we as in the gremlins in my brain. we need to get serious we need a game plan i cant deancode myself that man is NOT well

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