#i was a full on tumblr 2014 - 2016 girlie lemme tell you that!

[cosmicpadfoot]

i met my younger self for coffee this afternoon.

she scheduled it at four pm, said she needed to take her classic nap after lunch first. i couldn't agree more.

i got there 10 minutes early and she was already there waiting for me, said she arrived just 5 minutes ago. we both commented on how we hate people that are late.

she ordered her coffee black, with no sugar. i ordered a special coffee from the shop only, wanting to try something new. i know she judged me silently for getting a sugary drink, but i decided to let that slide.

she wore a faded flannel, some ripped jeans and a pair of red converse shoes. i wore a black jean jacket with some bottoms on it, some mom jeans and a pair of red converse shoes. she told me she would always wear them because her grandma thought they were cute. i told her mine did as well, that's why i wear them almost everyday.

she said she was really insecure about her career path, but was free lancing as a graphic designer to get some money. i told her i am studying to become an architect like my grandma from my dad's side of the family was. she smiled a little, though the idea was cute, said she would think about it.

she said she like playing The Sims 3 anyway, and Minecraft too, and said she was practically an architect anyway because she loved watching The Property Brothers. i didn't have an answer to that, just laughed and sipped my coffee, which actually was too sugary for my liking.

she told me i was the first adult to really listen to her in a while, that her parents didn't really understood her much. i told her that, at her age, mine didn't either, but with time and therapy things got better and now we have a great relationship. as i watched her eyes shine a bit with hope, i told her that she would always have me to talk to as well.

she smiled a little bit brighter than before.

she told me about her friends at school, her two guinea pigs, and her favorite teachers. i told her about my friends, my art projects and my favorite teachers at uni. i also told her i wanted to get a dog or a cat, that i missed having a pet. she suggested me to get a really fat orange cat and name it Garfield. i told her i was thinking to do exactly that.

i told her that my favorite coffee shop used to be at that same street, but it closed down and became a mattress store. she told me that that was her favorite coffee place, that her and her mom used to go there all the time.

she told me she was really getting into a new band right now, called Twenty One Pilots and that they were going to tour with Fall Out Boy so they must be pretty good. she told me that she started watching a new show called How I Met Your Mother. she told me she loved watching Dan and Phil Games after school and she loved their The Sims series.

i told her that i listen to Twenty One Pilot's new album on my way to my internship. i told her that i am on my countless re-run of How I Met Your Mother and advised her to watch the alternative ending instead of the canon one. i told her i love playing Dan and Phil's videos in the background as i work on my projects at night.

she told me that she had dyed her hair blue and purple recently, i told her that i was bored of dyeing my hair so often, so now i just kept the blue peekaboo highlights. we both agreed that we couldn't recognize ourselves with just plain black hair anymore.

then, she asked me if i had my own place yet. i told her i didn't, that i still lived with my parents.

she told me it was okay, everyone had their time anyway and i was still so young that it would be an actual miracle if i was already living by myself.

i didn't answer it, surprised at how comprehensive she was. i didn't expect it.

she told me she was scared of not getting into a good uni, of choosing the wrong course and failing, and that she felt that her time was running out.

i told her that she should listen to her own advice. i told her that she didn't need to know everything right in this instant, that life would find its course no matter what, and she would be great at anything she put her mind to.

i saw the glimpse of shock in her so calculated expressions, surprised someone listened to her troubles and eased her mind. i guess she didn't expect it.

she warned me she needed leave around six pm, saying her best friend's dad would pick her and the girls up for a sleepover, it was the weekend anyways. i said i should get going as well, since my best friend would pick me and the girls up for a sleepover, it was the weekend anyways.

as i made the move to pay the bill, she insisted on paying her half. i said i would pay for everything, the coffee was my idea so it was my treat anyway. i saw her typing in her phone, a message with what seemed to be a rolling eyes emoji at the end. i decided to let that slide and even added some cookies to the bill, saying she should take it to the sleepover for her friends. i saw a little smile grow at the corner of her mouth.

when i saw my best friend's car and her best friend's dad car pull up at the corner, i noticed they were the same model and color. i smiled, and i noticed she smiled too.

i hugged her first, before she could back off or think she didn't deserve that hug. she gave me such a bone crushing hug i thought our souls would melt into each other. in a way, they would.

i saw her get into the backseat of the car, her best friend's dad eyes on the rear view mirror glinted at me as if he knew me from somewhere. i gave him a small wave back, knowing he would recognize me anywhere.

i watched her get in, talking to the girls so excitedly about all the new gossip they had to share with each other. i opened the passenger seat door of my best friend's car, and the gossip happening in our backseat mirrored theirs perfectly.

i looked in her eyes one more time before getting in.

we both locked eyes. me and her. her and me. me and me. her and her.

at that moment we knew something that the whole universe was yet to find out. but that was fine, it was just for us to know anyway.

she got in the car, and as it went off i heard the giggles of her and her friends.

i got in the car, and as it went off all i could hear was the unabashed laughter of my friends.

as we stopped at a red light, our cars next to each other, i heard the notification sound on my phone go off.

i saw her big smile from the side mirror, as she was squished in the backseat with other three very familiar faces chatting excitedly at her side. faces that were now a little more mature in the car i was in, but so young in the car besides us. if only they knew.

i looked at the screen and saw her message glowing as the night sky started to come in.

"we should do this more often, it was really fun! XD"

i looked at her and nodded through the window, cringing inwardly from the XD, but at that moment i would let that slide.

i could see her eyes were a bit watery, hiding behind her fringe so her friends wouldn't notice.

my eyes were watery too, a single tear escaping through my cheek. the hair tucked behind my ears flew a bit in the wind from the window being open. i didn't hide it, and as my friends noticed that i was crying, i told them i would tell them all about it later.

"we really should! i missed you bestie!" i sent it back to her.

i saw her eyes roll as she read, probably cringing at the "bestie", but i knew it would be harder for her to let that slide and she would tease me later for it, but that was fine.

the light went green, our cars started to move in different directions.

i miss her already.

☆.

inspired by the tiktok trend and the book deep in my feels by jennae cecelia who wrote the original poem that inspired the trend.