#i was WAY too young to be listening to that song jesus fuckin christ but uh it was definitely one of my favourite asking songs 🙊🙊🙊

[willowthefoxxo]

i say this with kindness as a call in and a white person with my own inner stuff i had to sort through bc i thought i was fine and nice - it’s not so much your comment on rap, but that you have wonderful exceptions for one genre, but not rock/metal, again assuming these genres are broader/cleaner and we all know better artists but for rap it’s So Much Harder. you may not have said anything mean, but the subconscious belief that rap is more single note than metal IS biased. the subconscious belief that it’s easier to find clean metal IS biased.

yea i get that, sorry about that. i just honestly don't know a lot about mainstream stuff in general since I'm so used to avoiding it in favor of the more obscure fantastical stuff. And it's hard both because the kinda yucky stuff is always what i see advertised, and because i just tend to avoid the entire scene because it's not what I'm used to. I got into Mori and DEMONDICE because i got into electro swing, which i got into because of Kawaii EDM, which I got into because I often liked the background music of pop songs but not the lyrics. Brothers of Metal and Paddy And The Rats were introduced to me as my very first experiences with metal because of my dad, and I never got to listen to any mainstream metal or much rock at all. And I never listened to any mainstream rap because the mainstream rap i was exposed to either had weird lyrics I was too young to be hearing, or just sounded really bad imo. My favorite genres have always been pirate/viking/dwarf heavy metal, electro-ish swing, J pop, J heavy metal, and breakcore. I like the stuff that would the rupture the ears of any normal person, and I stick really strongly to that because I'm scared to listen to anything else.

I'm honestly just biased against "mainstream" things in general- hell, i was scared to watch Hazbin Hotel, TADC, and Murder Drones at first because i was thinking like holy shit these things are so popular i wouldn't like them at all, cuz I'm just so used to being "that person" who only likes the "shitty stuff" that "nobody likes except weirdos". those three shows ended up being my three favorites, though.

and because of that, I just don't know jack shit about the mainstream stuff. I don't really know jack shit about rap or pop or normal rock or popular metal or anything like that, I'm the mofo who blasts Femtanyl songs at max volume in the middle of class and has done hours of research dissecting the meaning of all of Femtanyl's songs and knows all their lyrics by heart, meanwhile the only things I know about rap are that some of Drake's songs make for banger breakcore remixes and apparently Kendrick is mad at Drake and is dissing him with what people say is objectively better music. All I know about the rap stuff is what other people tell me, and also that my mom's taste in rap is ✨garbage✨ and she doesn't know what's appropriate or not appropriate in terms of music for a 7 year old, because she had my 7 yr old ass listening to songs that literally described sex and gang violence and drug abuse in the most vivid ways possible. (meanwhile she says SpongeBob is too inappropriate for current me, aka a 16 yr old Chainsaw Man fan. like- HUH??? WHAT??)

srry if i derailed a bit, but yea- i realize i fucked up a bit. also i have once again showed myself just how fucking stupid i am when it comes to gauging tone because jesus fuckin christ i feel dumb as ✨shit✨ now that i realize that was sarcasm

[inkykeiji]

clari clari clari can you give me some music recommendations?!

anon anon anon bb i can try!!! ehehe <33

okay okay so idk if you’re looking for like, artists in general, albums, or individual songs SO i’m doing all three!!!

chase atlantic (TW for drugs + depression/mental illness, suicidal themes)

aaaah i am literally in love with everything they release, but their new album JUST dropped (called beauty in death)!!

my favourite songs off of it are:

paranoid, pleasexanny, aleyuh, call me back, i think i’m lost again, and wasted <3

but yeah i literally love all of their work so much, esp their self-titled album!!

lil peep (TW for drugs + depression/mental illness, suicidal themes)

u had to know this one was coming. i am head over heels in love with his work and i will forever be upset that we lost him so, so early.

my favourite albums are:

come over when you’re sober pt 1 and crybaby <3

lana del rey

everything. just everything. in love with her entire vibe my GOD i love it sm.

my absolute favourite songs are (prepare yourself):

love, music to watch boys to, high by the beach, freak (AAAAAAAH), salvatore, money power glory, ultraviolence, west coast, old money, blue jeans, off to the races, video games, dark paradise, and lolita.

then from her ‘unreleased’ songs:

queen of disaster, mermaid motel, be my daddy (DUH LMAO), caught you boy (i want you boy), you can be the boss, driving in cars with boys, meet me in the pale moonlight

the neighbourhood

again, everything. oh my god also also also jesse rutherford’s solo album (called ‘&’)!!!

oooh i’ll give u my favourite songs off of &:

bloom later, born to be blonde, barbie & ken, drama, and pretty illusion <3

ariana grade

aaaaah truly i love her a LOT. i really really really love the albums sweetener and thank u, next, but i’m kind of in love with all of her work minus her first album!! positions is a lot of fun!!

my favourite songs off of that album in particular are:

just like magic, love language, 34+35, motive, and worst behaviour (on the deluxe ver!)

post malone (TW for drugs)

eeeeee tbh i love most of his stuff too, but my favourite albums are beerbongs & bentleys and hollywood’s bleeding

and then individual songs i’ve been listening to a lot lately are:

dead inside by younger hunger (annie sent me this)

love taste by moe shop etc. (annie sent me this as well; both of these are on my dari playlist ehehehehe <333)

overdose by kaiba + kamaara

white tee + e-girls are ruining my life! by corpse (ugh <333)

sick thoughts by lewis blissett

personal by the vamps (thank u anon who suggested this!!!!!!)

n i also rly like ghostemane, city morgue and $uicideboy$ but like they can get kinda screamy.

speaking of kinda screamy, my favourite metal bands are:

avenged sevenfold (nearly got a deathbat tattooed on my hip when i was 18 NO JOKE): fav albums = waking the fallen, self-titled and nightmare

slipknot: fav albums = iowa, vol 3: the subliminal verses and all hope is gone

asking alexandria (TW for drugs): fav albums = reckless and relentless and from death to destiny (tbh stay away from anything after FDTD, ben + danny had a falling out and are now bffs again but their work just ISNT the same anymore :(((( i’ll forever be upset about this)

[bitchybutcher]

Texts I sent a friend the first time I watched The Boys, Season 2:

-        Gird your loins

-        I’m dying to know more about Black Noir

-        Ugh ffs Homelander smarming about on stage at Translucents funeral

-        It’s an empty box but I suppose how would people know cause invisible corpse

-        WHY IS ANNIE SINGING AT THE INVISIBLE PERVS FUNERAL

-        Aw no straight in with Sad Kevin

-        Oh ok angry drunk Kevin

-        Ugh not these Samaritans Embrace fuckers again

-        Oh Annie. Parroting the company line. I hope she’s gonna fuck them all over

-        SAD HUGHIE OH NO

-        BILLY JOOOOOELLLL

-        Aw Kimiko is learning

-        Her lil smile

-        Oooh Hughie is a liiiiiar

-        Meeting on the subway like a couple shifty teenagers

-        Oh I forgot they microchipped the supes like dogs

-        Oh nooooo young love angst

-        Oh no a Sad Kevin incident

-        Aaaaand he’s been arrested

-        A nice archer bailed him out

-        Omfg the fake Butcher re-enactment

-        Oh do NOT tell me this crazy bastard is gonna drink the frozen breast milk

-        Oh fuck he is

-        What the FUCK, HOMELANDER

-        This visually impaired ninja seems nice

-        That probably means he’s gonna turn out to be a dick

-        OH FUCK

-        Homelander what the fuuuuuck

-        Ok what the shit is happening here in the motel

-        WHAT

-        What the fuuuuuck

-        I – MM is making a dolls house? That’s so cute

-        Oh shit smuggled people

-        Homelander is nuts with power

-        Uhhhh who is Carol and why is she staring at Kevin while he sleeps

-        Finally an archer who is honest about how useless they can be once they run out of arrows

-        Oh noooo are they gonna try brainwash Kevin with homeopathic stuff? And why do they keep offering him Fresca

-        OH FUCK ME NOT ANOTHER RELIGION THING

-        Oh Hughie has grown a pair since last season. Good for him

-        Where’s Butcherrrrrrrr

-        Body gore porn dude is called Gecko that’s too cute a name for him

-        Stormfront seems like fun

-        She’s gonna be pissing off Homelander so much I like her already

-        OH WHAT THE FUCK THE CIA LADYS HEAD EXPLODED

-        I like Stan

-        Giving Homelander the dressing down he needs

-        I know it’s convenient for Toni to wear the padded suit all the time but does Homelander ever wear anything else

-        Oh hiiii Becca I still think you’re a bitch and Butcher deserved better

-        BUTCHERRRRR YASSSSS

-        “Daddy’s home”

-        I’m dead. It’s official.

-        The fuckin smirk and the voice I’m fuckin dead

-        OH NO KEVIN IS TRYING THE CHURCH THING

-        Is he making shroom tea

-        Why is Patton Oswalt voicing Kevin’s gills this is delightful

-        Atrain is awake again that’s not good

-        I’m cracking up at Sad Kevin and his singing gills

-        Homelander is gone way off the deep end oh boy

-        Awwww soft Maeve in the hospital with her girlfriend

-        I want to like Becca but I can’t shake the bad feeling

-        Homelander is a terrible father

-        I mean I know he has no role models to base his parenting on, but yikes

-        It’s like if Scar was raising Simba instead of Mufasa

-        ….are the gang raiding a party city store

-        I love how Frenchie always looks a mix of horrified and amazed whenever Kimiko kills someone

-        AWWW IT’S HER BROTHER YAY

-        Oh shiiiiiiiit

-        Butcher STOP JUST SHOOTING PEOPLE

-        You were right this season is weird

-        I like Kimiko’s brothers bedazzled denim jacket

-        Butcher don’t punch Hughie wtf

-        Starting with Hughie listening to the same song again, nice

-        Butcher is terrible at apologising it’s so cute

-        I’m sorry did Hughie just fall over trying to throw a punch

-        The kid’s a dandelion omg

-        Why are they on a boat? Did Karl just decide “I like being on boats lemme go on a boat”?

-        I see what you mean about Homelander being scary

-        He’s completely insane

-        Why does this storyboard guys shirt say assbinder

-        Chace Crawford is an excessively veiny man

-        BLACK NOIR IS CRYING

-        Or possibly laughing

-        Hard to tell when they have no face

-        Annie actually leaked all the compound V stuff good for her

-        FRENCHIE KISSED HUGHIE

-        Homelander is gonna get this kid killed tryna make him fly

-        Honestly the kid looks more like Hughie

-        OH MY GOD HE PUSHED HIM OFF THE ROOF

-        OH MY SWEET FUCKING JESUS HOMELANDER YOU CAN’T DO THAT

-        Oop there’s the laser eyes

-        Oh Homelander is back at the Tower and freaking Maeve out

-        OH FUCK THE BROTHER IS LOOSE

-        Hughie don’t do it

-        Oh ok I thought he was gonna jump off the boat

-        Kevin and the cult weirdos are up to something

-        Hughie no you don’t call the girl you like crying over Billy Joel lyrics

-        Oh god boyo you don’t then drop the L word in the same voice message!

-        He’s hopeless

-        Oh nooooo Kevin is attacking the boat goddammit Kevin

-        OH FUCK A WHALE

-        For fuck sake Kevin

-        Ewwwww

-        Butcher what the fuck

-        Hughie having a nervous breakdown inside of a whale

-        No but why is Karl so hot covered in blood

-        Actually I didn’t even need to include the blood part of that question

-        Oh boy here we go, the 7 show up to find Sad Kevin crying over spilt whale

-        ….why is Stormfront tryna get all up in Homelander’s ass?? I thought she was cool but now she’s all lemme suck that radioactive dick

-        OH NO

-        Poor Kevin he’s worked so hard to accept his gills and now Homelander has knocked him back down

-        Oooo dear Atrain is having a heart attack again this isn’t good

-        Oh fuck is Hughie gon get caught

-        Oh no it’s Annie it’s ok

-        OH FUCK

-        ANNIE WHY

-        THAT’S YOUR HUGHIE

-        OH MAN KIMIKO’S BROTHER IS BADASS YES SQUASH THE SMUG PRICK

-        Oh I do NOT like Stormfront holy fuckin shit what’s wrong with this woman

-        Poor Kimiko

-        What’s with the random woman talking about calling off her wedding?

-        Why is Frenchie taking drugs

-        FUCK SAKE FRENCHIE DON’T TRY KISS A GIRL WHEN SHE’S GRIEVING

-        What the FUCK is thiiiiis

-        Is he dreaming or is this the shapeshifter tryna stay alive by granting Homelander some sick wish

-        Yikes I feel bad for Doppelganger

-        I am fascinated by whoever and whatever the fuck Black Noir is

-        MM sees right through everyone’s bullshit

-        I feel so bad for Annie

-        Ooooo Atrain getting fired

-        MM having to put up with Hughie and Annie having a we didn’t start the fire singalong 😂

-        Ok who’s in the weird group therapy sesh with these women with strange views on love

-        Vending machine date so cute

-        Omfg ahahahaha the girl with the Ed Sheeran tattoo

-        I really want to like Becca cause she stands up to Homelander but I can’t shake the suspicions about her

-        I feel bad for Butcher

-        Homelander is a scary good liar

-        Oh shit interviewer lady is pulling out the diversity questions

-        OH FUCK

-        HE’S OUTED MAEVE

-        Poor Maeve what the fuck

-        Ugh Stormfront

-        Shut your racist hole bitch

-        Oh shit Kimiko on the warpath

-        Frenchie! Kimiko listen to him he’s tryna help

-        MM is doing a lotta sharing this episode

-        Ohhhh something bad is gonna come out about this Liberty lady they’re looking for oh fuck

-        Wait WHAT. STORMFRONT IS LIBERTY

-        Stormfront is like 70????

-        She’s really good with social media for an old bird

-        Ohhh fuck Homelander is pisssssssssed

-        Christ you’d know Homelander was an only child

-        Bitch you better not be fucking Butcher over

-        I FUCKIN KNEW IT

-        BECCA YOU RAGING BITCH

-        Got her goodbye fuck then called the supercops on him cause he’s a little broken? FUCK BECCA

-        Oh no Annie don’t give Hughie the “we can’t do this” talk

-        Pick your emo ass up and stop being melodramatic

-        All these women are chatting to Kevin?? Why??

-        Also this most recent one is super weird

-        THEY WERE INTERVIEWING TO BE KEVINS WIFE

-        This cult thing is so fuckin weird omfg

-        KEVIN GET YOUR SAD BUTT OUT OF THE CULT

-        Oh gross not the Doppelganger shit again

-        Doppelganger is really bad at flirting

-        ….

-        WHAT THE SHIT

-        Nonononono don’t do the selfcest

-        Not even Homelander is that fucked up

-        This is super weird

-        Why is Homelander crying

-        OH SHIT HE KILLED HIM

-        Uhhhh are they doing a lesbian scene in a vcu movie

-        Christ that was terrible and way too on the nose

-        “Strong female lesbians”

-        Homelander you himbo fuck what other kind of lesbian do you get

-        I feel bad for Ashley

-        She just wants to do her job well

-        Poor Butcher. His lil heart is broken

-        Oh no baby you’re hurt and upset? That’s so sad let me suck your dick about it

-        Oh no what’s he gonna do

-        BUTCHER WHAT THE SHIT

-        I mean it’s really fuckin hot but still

-        There’s always a cut on the cheekbone

-        “They’ve been moving her around like a Catholic priest” omg HUGHIE

-        Aww he called Hughie his canary

-        Oh shit are Frenchie and Kimiko missing?

-        KEVIN GOT MARRIED

-        BILLY HAS AN AUNTIE

-        Doggiiiiie

-        Awwwww soft Butcher with his dog

-        Aaaand now I feel bad for Atrain cause he’s being kicked to the curb

-        Oh gross this interview with Kevin and his cult wife

-        This is so cringe holy fuck

-        Bring back the Patton Oswalt gills

-        Why are the gangsters discussing musicals specifically Hamilton

-        FUCKING HELL KIMIKO PEELED OFF THAT GUYS FACE

-        Ahahaha the boys showed up at Butchers aunties house

-        The dog’s name is Terror that’s so cute

-        Hahahaha Hughie was holding the fuck pig

-        Why is there a sniper on the roof

-        Oh shit it’s Black Noir

-        Ugh what does Annie’s mom want and why is Stormfront being her friend

-        Oh hey it’s dickless

-        These two writer dudes are hella irritating

-        Poor Elena getting dragged into this shit

-        Yes Maeve scheme against his ass

-        Heartbroken Butcher is so tired

-        He needs a hug

-        Hughie give Butcher a hug please

-        Why is Kimiko in a church

-        Oh hey its Frenchie’s other girlfriend

-        Oh ok Kimiko is doing hits that’s fair

-        The old man just looking away like “I do not see it”

-        Aw no Frenchie don’t break up with Kimiko

-        Oh fuck off Cult Kevin

-        Stormfront again?????

-        Does this bitch ever fuck off

-        DID SHE JUST CALL ATRAIN GARBAGE

-        Wait why is Homelander giving an unapproved speech

-        This is gonna end in someone getting murdered isn’t it

-        OH FUCK

-        That’s a lot more murder than I expected

-        Ohhhh phew ok he was just daydreaming

-        Ashley is gonna go bald from stress

-        I adore grumpy Butcher

-        Omg auntie Judy is a drug dealer I love her

-        Ohhhh shit Homelander is having a nervous breakdown

-        BOBBY FROM X-MEN????

-        Uhhhh why is Homelander talking to Stormfront this can’t be good

-        Ooh MM set a trap this gon be good

-        BUTCHER HAS A BROTHER???? THAT HUGHIE IS LIKE

-        Oop Lenny is dead

-        The random explosions as Black Noir trips the traps

-        Oh shit Butcher locked the others out to face Black Noir alone

-        YES MM

-        OH NO MM

-        YES HUGHIE

-        Oh fuck did he KO Butcher

-        Shiiiit shit shit shit

-        Yes Butcher save your Hughie

-        Oh good they all survived

-        For fuck sake Kevin stop with the cult shit

-        Maeve please save Kevin from the cult

-        Annie why are you sneaking around don’t do it

-        There’s a lot of shots of Annie’s bum

-        What the fuck is Sage Grove

-        Stormfront needs to go choke on a bag of dicks

-        Oh fuck no not Homelander again

-        Uhhhhhhh

-        Stormfront x Homelander was not what I was expecting

-        These two have the WEIRDEST relationship

-        They’re gonna do some really fucked up supe bdsm shit aren’t they

-        Frenchie is Betty White. Fair enough

-        Wait what is happening. Why is Annie letting Frenchie at her with a lil saw

-        Ohhh the chip

-        “This might sting a little” FRENCHIE IT’S A FUCKIN SAW

-        Oh fuck that’s a big chip

-        Oh look it’s loves psychotic dream

-        Well that’s suitably gross

-        Aww Kimiko hugging Annie

-        Butcher is so menacing I love him

-        Kevin tryna be helpful to his buddies he’s so cute

-        NO! NO BAD KEVIN! STOP TRYING TO MAKE PEOPLE JOIN YOUR CULT

-        Kimiko with her brass knuckle

-        Oh man, flowers??? Homelander has it BAD

-        Annie back the fuck off and leave Butcher alone

-        OH SHIT IT’S STORMFRONT AT THE HOSPITAL NOOOO

-        What the fuck is going on at this hospital

-        OH FUCK BOBBY FROM X-MEN IS LAMPLIGHTER

-        Oh shit who got let out

-        What does Cindy do

-        OH SHIT SHE’S THE HEAD BURSTER

-        Aaaaaaand now they’re all out

-        Good job, guys

-        Ewwwwww acid vomit

-        OH NO HUGHIE

-        Are you kidding me?? Annie can’t go all Starlight unless there’s a power source in the immediate vicinity??

-        What kinda fuckin shite superpower is that

-        Aha Butcher agrees with me

-        Ok so I’m guessing Homelander went berserk on set

-        Uhhhh apparently Cult Lunch is a therapy sesh?

-        Atrain get outta there

-        This cult leader guy is an arsehole

-        Hospital escape lookin like a horror survival game

-        Awwww flashbacks to happy times

-        Omfg Butcher with the slicked back hair

-        Welp, Annie just killed a guy

-        Oh shit a baby seat

-        Annie is gonna have a bad case of the guilts now

-        Oh fuck ok Lamplighter killed the kids by accident

-        So Frenchie went to save his friend instead of tailing

-        Oh god that’s the penis isn’t it

-        Stormfront to the…rescue? Maybe? She’s gonna kill Lamplighter isn’t she

-        Oh, no ok she didn’t kill him

-        Aw no sad Butcher cause Hughie’s hurt

-        Oh nooooo Elena found a video from the plane

-        Mallory gon kill sad Lamplighter?

-        Stormfront is coming clean to Homelander? Whaaaa

-        She was buddies with the Nazis??? SHE WAS MARRIED TO THE VOUGHT FOUNDER GUY

-        Oh fuck the head burster is still alive

-        A montage of how Stormfront is brainwashing people into racist attacks, nice

-        I hate Annie’s mom so much

-        Black Noir has just fuckin LAMPED Annie

-        Butchers mum called him 😂😂

-        Oh shit his dad died

-        Why are Hughie and Lamplighter watching knock off supe porn

-        Oh boy a racist rally

-        Homelander just threw Annie under the bus

-        Hughie that’s a really weird pep talk

-        And he’s gonna get Lamplighter killed

-        BUTCHERS MUM IS ADORABLE

-        Oh shit it’s Denethor

-        And he’s not dead

-        Oh fuck he’s why Lenny died?

-        Shit Lenny shot himself

-        Butcher was SAS???

-        WHERE ARE MY PICS OF BUTCHER IN HIS ARMY UNIFORM

-        Ah fuck he’s bringing stepmommy Stormfront to meet the kid

-        I have an urge to run my fingers through Butchers beard

-        Frenchie and Kimiko are too cute she’s teaching him her sign language

-        Is this a cult birthday party?

-        Poor Eagle the Archer. He pissed off the cult so he’s gon be excommunicated

-        Uhhhh kiddo made a Lego film?

-        Good for him

-        I know it shouldn’t be sexy when Butcher starts threatening to brutally murder people in his growly voice, I know, but hear me out: sexy growly voice

-        11/10 would let Karl Urban murder me

-        Oh FUCK Lamplighter killed himself

-        Poor Hughie

-        Why do all the bad things happen to him, like having to saw off a dead guy’s hand with a broken whiskey decanter

-        Annie versus Black Noir, beat his/her ass girl!

-        HUGHIE COME SAVE YOUR ANNIE

-        YAY MAEVE

-        Black Noir has an almond allergy that’s such an off the wall weakness

-        Annie’s favourite chocolate bar saved her life

-        Well Maeve did, technically. But still

-        Omg Hughie accidentally saving Annie’s mom

-        Hughie and Annie are too cute

-        Oh shiiiiit Homelander screwed the pooch and showed the kid everything

-        HAHA SUCK IT BECCA

-        OH SHIT HEADS ARE BURSTING ALL OVER THE PLACE

-        Butcher in his lil jumper

-        For a non-American, this school safety psa video is supremely weird

-        BOBBY FROM SUPERNATURALS CHARACTER IS CALLED BOB

-        BOBBY FROM SUPERNATURALS CHARACTER IS JUST BOBBY FROM SUPERNATURAL BUT FANCY

-        Annie’s mom critiquing her choice in boyfriends while in mortal danger is gas

-        And typical

-        The lads going nuts with weapons they’re so happy look at them

-        And Butcher in his lil jumper again he looks so comfy

-        I would very much like to cuddle him in the soft jumper and give him beard scritches

-        Annie ffs let Hughie enjoy his Billy Joel, that’s a good choice

-        Ahahaha Maeve just called Hughie a twink

-        She’s not wrong

-        Oh fuck off Becca

-        Uuuuugh OF COURSE Mr Edgar is in with the cult

-        Oop Atrain overheard all of that

-        Poor Ashley she’s going bald from stress

-        The kid is gonna have a meltdown

-        Poor Hughie with his mom leaving

-        I wonder if she’ll pop up at some point and turn out to be a supe that would be fun

-        ATRAIN YOU CAN’T JUST APPEAR IN A CAR LIKE THAT YOU COULDA KILLED SOMEONE

-        Hold the phone is Homelander actually being a good dad for a minute

-        What the actual fuck is Stormfront on with this white genocide shit

-        Ahahaha the news broke

-        Uh oh the Vought soldiers got caught by Homelander

-        OH SHIT

-        MM BETTER BE OK

-        Becca fuckin constantly squawking about Ryan is so annoying

-        WHY IS KIMIKO LAUGHING

-        It’s adorable but still

-        Oh FUCK she snapped her neck

-        She’ll be fine

-        She’s like a wolverine, snapped neck won’t keep her down

-        AYYYYY MAEVE

-        The lads just watching them kicking the shit out of her like uhhh

-        Oh hey Becca did something useful and stabbed the Nazi in the eye

-        Huh. The kid melted Stormfront

-        Good for him

-        AHAHAHA YES HE GOT BECCA TOO

-        BYEEEEE FELICIAAAAA

-        I mean yeah, heartbroken sad Butcher isn’t nice to see, but Becca sucked

-        Aaaand now Homelander covered in blood has arrived to listen to Stormfront babble in German

-        This is like in those scenes where it’s like oh who will the dog go to

-        Ayyy Atrain got back into the 7

-        Aww poor Kevin getting rejected again

-        See Kevin this is why we don’t join cults

-        Annie thought he was breaking up with her, girl don’t be daft

-        Butcher and the kid, not awkward at all

-        The one lesson Butcher can teach a kid – “don’t be a cunt”

-        Aww happy endings for all the boys

-        Aaaaand a “happy ending” for Homelander too by the looks of it

-        Oh ffs a corrupt politician in with the cult, what a surprise

-        HIS HEAD BURST

-        Wait the politician lady is the head burster? I’m so confused

-        Confusion may have been aided by it being almost 3am

-        Hughie getting a real job, bless him

-        Too bad it’s with the head burster

-        Oh this is such a good song to end the season with

-        Welp, now begins the long wait for season 3, I guess

-        Should I sleep or find fic to read

-        Body says sleep, heart says fic

-        That’s a lie, heart says Butcher

-        ….Butcher fics it is

[benaffleckofcrowdsurfing]

Lazerquest - part 5

Alex Turner x Reader

Chapter 5/?

Description: you are an impulsive bartender who recently moved to London after traveling across the United States and living on the road for a few years. You befriend Alex, a musician who recently got out of a long term relationship, and you show him the ways of your free-spirited lifestyle in an attempt to help him move on from his ex. However, you become more of a muse than a friend for Alex and all is revealed when he releases his band’s fourth studio album, “Suck it and See”.

Word count: 3k

Warnings: a bit of sexual harassment, nothing intense but it could definitely be uncomfortable

Tag list (msg me if you would like to be added):

@lolurnotmileskane @imagine-that-100 @babyhoneystvles

Updates whenever the heck I please (at least once a week) 

Author’s note: I’m sorry it’s been like a week I’ve been so uninspired but I feel a bit better now so woooooo hopefully I’ll be updating more.

**************

“Just go commando, Turner. It’s not my fault you don’t keep extra undergarments in your car.”

“Fuckin’ hell, and my trousers are sandy.”

“You’re being a massive pussy.”

“Well I’m sorry Ms. Spontaneous, I had no idea we would be swimming in our knickers and then going out to get pissed tonight. I would’ve brought a change of clothes.”

“Oh, shut up Alex. You know you enjoyed seeing me practically naked.”

“Never said I didn’t.”

You gave Alex a warning glare before turning into the bathroom of the seedy motel room the two of you had decided to rent for the night. After your little ocean underwear rendezvous, you both sat your soggy asses in the Porsche and drove back into a little village Alex knew about. On the way back you told him about the scheme you had been conjuring up for the rest of your night, and after you said the words “absolutely shitfaced”, he told you that he would find a hotel. 

Alex was thrilled to go to a bar and drink with you at first, but when he came to the realization that he would have to go in his street clothes, he became a bit more apprehensive. You, on the other hand, were thrilled that you had an excuse to wear your new dress. 

“Jesus Christ,” you mumbled. As fit as you looked in the dress, the lack of bra underneath made it look a tad bit slutty and you were getting nervous about not having anything to wear underneath. Before returning from the small bathroom, you did your best to fix your makeup and then dried your hair with the basically ancient blow dryer that resided next to the faded vanity mirror above the sink.

“Alright, Al. I’ve got a job for you,” you announced after exiting the bathroom and going to sit next to Alex on the old queen bed that inhabited the hotel room. 

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Make sure I don’t flash the entire pub tonight.”

Alex shook his head in disappointment and chuckled. He was stood by the door in the same thing he had been wearing previously, putting on his shoes. “You know, you could just wear the clothes you had on this morning.”

“What’s the fun in that?” you frowned. He was right, shorts would be a much safer choice, especially considering the fact that your only objective tonight was to get faded. You just thought your new dress looked really good on you, and you’d have been lying to yourself if you said you didn’t want a little male attention. Not from Alex, of course, you had plans to get him a bit of a one night stand tonight. (it would be good for him, you thought. Help him take his mind off of Alexa some more.)

Alex rolled his eyes at you. “Are you ready? I want to get this show on the road.”

You stood up cheerfully and nodded. “Ready as I’ll ever be. Let’s go get you fucked up.”

Alex looked you up and down as he opened the door of the room and put the key back in his pocket. “I have a feeling I won’t be the only one getting ‘fucked up’ tonight, Y/N.” 

****************

“Alright, Y/N. What kind of twisted drinking game have you got planned for us tonight.” 

You and Alex were sat at the bar of a rather small but busy pub. The music was loud, the people were rowdy, and the drinks were shit. It was perfect.

You gasped dramatically. “Wow, Alex. You really thought I had some premeditated plan to get you absolutely trashed? I’m hurt.” 

Alex narrowed his eyes and furrowed his brows. “I may have only met you twenty-four hours ago, but I know you well enough to know that you aren’t just gonna let me off with a few margaritas.”

You smiled at him slyly. “Touché. I do have one or two things up my sleeve.”

“Evil genius, you are.”

You winked at him before ushering the bartender over. She was an attractive woman, and you had noticed her checking out Alex when the two of you had walked into the pub. 

“What can I get for you, Loves?” The woman asked. She had a thick Scottish accent and was making direct eye contact with Alex.

“I see you’re checking out my friend here,” you giggled. The bartender, who’s name tag read Helen, gave you a glare. “Listen, Helen. It’s not a bad thing, he’s quite the catch. You can have your shot with him all you want, I just have a few questions first.” 

Helen furrowed her brows in confusion. Alex gave you a wild look, one that said what the hell are you up to? 

“So what do you say, Helen? You up for it or are you just gonna stand there looking at me like I'm crazy?”

Helen shook her head a bit and cleared her throat. “Sure, Lady. But if they’re personal or weird I’m throwing you out.” 

You let out a breathy laugh. “Not to worry, it’s nothing too weird. I was just going to ask you to rate my friend out of 10.”

Alex nearly choked on his spit. “What?”

Helen laughed. “Well I’m not sure why it’s important, but he’s definitely a 9.”

You smiled smugly. Perfect. Fantastic choice, Helen. “Alright, now what would you rate me? Objectively of course, it doesn’t matter if I’m ‘your type’ if you know what I mean.”

Helen looked at you with narrow eyes for a long time, as if she was deep in thought. “You’re a fit young lass, but you’ve got small tits and that dress is about 2 inches too short. You look like an Austin Powers themed hooker.” Alex erupted into laughter and you punched him in the shoulder. Helen let out a long sigh before tapping on the bar. “I’d say you’re a 7.” 

As offended as you were that the busty bitch only thought you were a 7, her answer worked completely in favor of your plan. “Alright. I’ve got one more question for you, then we’ll let you get back to work.”

Helen nodded. “Go on, then.” 

You gave her a toothy grin. “What’s your favorite drink?”

You could hear Alex scoff from next to you. He knew exactly where this was going. 

“I love a good rum swizzle, but my favorite to make here are brambles.”

You chuckled and turned to Alex, who had his face in his palms and was swearing under his breath. “Alex, pick your poison.”

Alex gave you a death glare and reluctantly looked at Helen. “I guess I’ll have…. nine brambles.”

You giggled and clapped your hands victoriously. “And I’ll take seven rum swizzles, Helen. Thank you so much for your help.” 

The poor bartender gave you both confused looks before turning around to make your drinks. Alex looked like he wanted to slap you. “You’re absolutely mad. We’ll both be blacked out in like, half an hour. Are you trying to kill us?” 

You just winked at Alex and smiled at Helen when she gave the two of you your first drinks. “Keep ‘em coming, ma’am. We’ve got a long night ahead of us.” 

Alex sighed and raised his glass to yours. “Cheers, psycho. If I die tonight it’s on your conscience.”

As the two of you took the first well….gulps...of your drinks, a familiar song began sounding through the club. Alex’s face immediately dropped. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

You gasped. You knew exactly what song was playing. “Isn’t this-?”

Alex cut you off. “It’s me. Yeah.”

You squealed in excitement and finished the rest of your first drink and gulped down your second before narrowing your eyes at the grumpy boy sat next to you. “You better finish your drink, Al. We’ve got some dancing to do.”

“Absolutely not. There’s no way I’m dancing to my own bloody song.” 

“Well then I’m going alone.” 

You blew a raspberry at Alex before skipping onto the dance floor. Alex shook his head at you and crossed his arms. Once near the center of the dance floor but still close enough that you could see Alex, you began to move your hips to the beat of the song. As it picked up, you threw your head back and your arms in the air. In just moments you were dancing and singing your heart out, the few drinks you had previously consumed definitely contributing to your looseness. You stared directly at Alex when the chorus came around. 

Oh the boy’s a slag, 

the best you’ve ever had,

the best you ever had is just a memory 

you pointed to Alex and waved him to join you. He reluctantly finished the rest of his drink, and before he could even stand up you had ran back to him and grabbed his hand to drag him back with you. Alex looked mortified, he absolutely could not believe he was in the middle of the dance floor with you, drunkenly dancing to his own music. You found it extremely fun, though, and just kept on spinning yourself with him and doing your best to make him dance. 

flicking through a little book of sex tips

You flipped your hair and dropped to the floor seductively.

remember when the boys were all electric

 you raised yourself back up and winked at Alex.

now when she’s told she’s gonna get it

I’m guessing she’d rather just forget it

You rolled your hips to the beat and swayed your head from side to side. 

As annoyed Alex was that you had dragged him into the crowd, he seemed thoroughly entertained by your dancing. A small part of you thought he might have been even more entertained knowing that you were enjoying yourself this much to his song. 

You continued to dance around Alex, the alcohol in your system making you a bit flirty. By the end of the song, Alex had actually began dancing and the two of you had quite a bit of fun.

“That was fantastic, Alex, but you’ve got 8 more drinks to go, and I’ve got 6 and a half. So we best get back to the bar.” You tisked. 

“Damn. I thought you might have forgotten about that.” Alex muttered as you both sat back in your seats. Helen immediately chuckled and placed your next drinks in front of you. 

After three more drinks were in the both of you, you decided to start your next little game. 

“Hey, Alex,” you murmured.

Alex gave you a goofy smile. He was definitely already drunk. “hmm?” 

“There’s a girl behind you checking you out.” 

“Which one?”

“The blonde with the tits.”

“She’s pretty fit, right?”

“You should go talk to her.”

“I don’t want to leave you here all alone, Y/N.”

“I was gonna go talk to the tall one over there.”

“He’s been looking at you all night.”

“I’m aware. He’s not being very sly.”

“It’s a bit creepy.”

“I don’t mind. So you’re gonna go talk to the girl or what?” 

“Should I?”

You gave Alex an evil little smirk and his eyes widened. “I know how to make it more interesting.”

“Oh boy. Let me finish another drink now to prepare myself.” Alex poured the rest of his drink down his throat and cracked his neck as if to say game on. “What have you got for me, Y/L/N?”

“Alright. I go talk to skyscraper over there, you go talk to sugar tits. If one of us can get a hook up, the other has to buy them breakfast tomorrow morning.” 

Alex chuckled. “May the sluttiest one win.”

You finished your drink and asked Helen for another (you were now on your sixth of the night and were quite drunk), before strutting over to your tall mystery admirer.

“I was hoping you’d come talk to me,” the man said as you approached him.

“I thought you might, I've been watching you watch me for quite a bit,” You took a sip of your drink and winked at him. 

“What can I say, I like what I see. I’m Alex.”

You choked on your drink. “I’m sorry, your name is what?”

“Alex. And you are?”

You bit your lip to keep from bursting out in laughter. Of course his name is Alex. After taking a moment to compose yourself, you spoke up. “Y/N.”

“Y/N, that’s a pretty name. You’re American, aren’t you?” New Alex slurred. At least he’s as drunk as I am, you thought.

“Born and raised in the states.” 

“You know I’ve never shagged an American girl before,” New Alex purred. He took a step closer to you, and you looked up at him innocently.

“Oh, really?” Your voice was quiet now, he was very close to you and his presence was a bit overwhelming. You could smell his cologne, his whiskey, and his cigarette smoke. 

When you glanced back at Your Alex, he was staring past the blonde and right at you.

“Willing to help me change that?” The man in front of you bent down to whisper in your ear. It gave you goosebumps, but not a good kind. You couldn’t put your finger on it, but something wasn’t quite right. 

“Feeling bold, are we?” you stuttered, now feeling a little more uncomfortable as he continued to get closer to you. 

“Is that a problem?” You could smell the alcohol on his breath.

“I’m not sure.” 

“Should I make you sure?” Alex now had his body pressed against yours and your back pressed against the table behind you, there was no chance at escape. You looked over at Alex, who was still watching you, and gave him a look of distress. He quickly dismissed the blonde, handed dear old Helen some cash, and rushed over to you.

“Y/N, we gotta go. The taxi’s here.” He announced.

New Alex grunted. “Who the fuck is this guy?”

“Alex, this is Alex. Alex, Alex.” You muttered quickly, and squeezed out from between the table and the large man. “I’m sorry to cut our conversation so short, but we really have to get going. Hope you find another American girl to have sex with soon!”

Alex dragged you away from New Alex and the two of you practically ran out of the pub.

“Are you alright? Did he touch you? Did he say something? Do I need to go back in there and kick his arse? Please tell me you’re okay. I told you he was creepy, Y/N.” Alex rambled, and put both of his hands on your shoulders. 

You brushed him off and put your hand on his cheek in reassurance. “I’m alright, Alex. He was just being a bit pushy and I was uncomfortable. Thank you so much for helping me out of that situation.”

“Of course, Y/N. You’re far more important to me than a shag. That girl was uninteresting anyway. I’d much rather be with you.” 

You smiled at Alex and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “You’re a sweet boy. Come on, let’s go back to the room. That shitty mattress is calling my name.”

**********

Back at the hotel, both you and Alex decided that it was time to sleep. Your undergarments had all dried, so the two of you had something semi-normal to sleep in, and after getting ready for bed you turned to face Alex. He was already curled up on the left side of the bed.

“I had fun tonight, Al.”

“I did too, Y/N/N.”

You placed a platonic kiss on his forehead before slipping into the bed next to him and turning out the lights. You did your best to warm yourself up under the covers, but you were still freezing.

“Y/N, you’re shivering,” Alex yawned.

“I’ll be okay, just go to sleep,” you cooed and rubbed his bare back. He let out a long exhale at the gesture, which made you blush.

“Do you want my tee shirt? It won’t help much but it’s better than just that lacy number you have on.”

Alex’s words send shivers down your spine. The thought of being in a hotel room with Alex Turner, in the same bed as him, in his shirt, made you hot to the touch.

“Sure, Alex. Thank you.” You whispered. He sat up, reached over onto the floor to pick the shirt up, and smiled weakly when he handed it to you. You slipped it on over your head and giggled. Its smell was intoxicating, it’s as if you were wearing Alex Turner. “I feel much better.”

When you looked up at Alex, he had a stupid smirk on his face. His eyes were different than usual, more dark and intense. He was staring you up and down, but diverted his eyes when he caught you looking. “Oh- It’s no problem, I wasn’t going to wear it and I don’t want you shivering and keeping me up all night.”

“Right. Good night, Alex.” You yawned, and snuggled back into the bed.

“Good night, Y/N.”

[thiswasinevitableid]

Rockstar (Indruck)

A friend on discord, @morganeashton, requested #28 of the meet ugly list for Indruck: I’m a famous singer and you’re the new techie who just tripped and pulled the plug out of my microphone mid-concert [extra awkward if they lip sync, extra badass if they keep singing and their voice is still on point]. This is NSFW.

A peril of high quality sound equipment is that when it goes out, it’s very obvious.

The mic goes, his guitar and Dani’s bass cut out, and the effects are gone. For a moment it’s total silence as the audience watches him. 

Then he picks up exactly where he left off, notes coming as easy as breath. After a moment Jake starts up quieter than usual on the drums, giving him rhythm. By the time he finishes, the mic and instruments are back on and the applause is deafening. He smiles to himself.

He’s still got it. 

------------------------------------------

Duck knocks on the dressing room door. 

He’s so fucking fired.

“Come in.”

Mr. Cold is sitting at a mirror, takes note of Duck’s reflection.

“Ah, Duck, I thought it might be you. Mama said you were the one who disconnected our sound tonight.”

“Yessir. I, uh, it was an accident, I was movin somethin in a tight space and caught my foot on the cord without noticin’. I’m, uh, I’m real sorry, and, uh, I’ll, uh-”

Mr. Cold holds up his hand and Duck shuts his mouth. The singer turns, in his chair, face now free of make-up. His features still have that alien edge to them, the strange mix of young and old that’s made his attractiveness the subject of much debate. Duck knows where he falls on it; anyone who thinks Indrid Cold is anything other than sex on legs should get their eyes checked. 

That won’t help him, he knows that.

Indrid leans back in his chair, “you don’t need to plead your case to me Duck, for two reasons. One is that I’m not the one in charge of hiring or firing the road crew. That falls to Mama and Joseph completely, and if I ever tried to toss someone out for an accident they’d put me in my place very quickly. But more importantly, I’m not angry with you for what happened. Quite the opposite.”

“You...wait, really?”

Mr. Cold counts off on his fingers, “The space was small, so everyone could still hear me. There’s been rumors I’ve been using a dub, so this ought to quell them nicely, and” he looks at Duck over his trademark red glasses, smile widening, “it was unexpected, something that’s rare for me these days. When you get to this level of fame, everyone is terrified of not having a flawlessly executed plan. But that is not how the world is; it’s not how art is. So it was nice to have the chance to show everyone that the unexpected can be invigorating. Thank you for that.”

“You’re, uh, you’re welcome?”

Mr. Cold  smiles as he stands up, “you should sit down, you look like you’re about to pass out.”

“It’s fine, uh-”

The singer simply rests a hand on his shoulder and gently pushes. Duck sits. 

“Would you, ah, like a drink? The hosts here left a very nice bottle of tequila.”

“Sure.” Duck tries not to stare as he bends over to retrieve a glass and a bottle, pouring Duck a shots worth of tequila that costs more than his rent. Duck mumbles a thank you when he hands it to him, then gawps when Mr. Cold sets the bottle aside and retrieves a Capri Sun from the mini-fridge.

“I can’t stand alcohol. Used to try for the sake of fitting in but” he makes a face like a disgusted cat, “eech. One moment, I need to change.” He disappears around a corner, leaving Duck to wonder what the fuck the polite thing to do is. Mr. Cold is always polite to his crew, but he keeps to himself much of the time. Not to mention Duck’s only been with them since the tour started a month ago. 

A photo on the table catches his eye, and he scoots his chair closer to get a look.

“Was, uh, was this an alternate cover or somethin?”

“Hmm? Oh” a light laugh, “no, though you’ve got a good eye; we shot it the same day we shot the cover image for The Cryptids. That was a shot that was nixed because we looked too silly, I think Vincent had said something funny and cracked Barclay up, who set me off. I bring it with me to every show, a sort of good luck charm mixed with a reminder of where I came from.” 

From the faded photo, nineteen year old Indrid Cold smiles at him. 

“I take it you’re a long time fan, then.” Mr. Cold reappears in a pink and yellow bathrobe, the last color scheme Duck would have assumed he owned. 

“Yeah, over a decade. I, uh, I was sixteen when The Cryptids released their first album. Scraped together fifteen bucks to buy the C.D and wore the damn thing out I listened to it so much. Never heard anything like it. That’s, uh,” he scratches the back of his neck, “that’s not why I took the job, though. Mama didn’t tell me who I’d be crewin’ for until after I accepted.”

“If you’re afraid of looking like a ‘fanboy,’ don’t be. Do you know how Joseph came to be our manager?”

“Uh, story I always heard was he came backstage during a show on your first tour and offered.”

Mr. Cold chuckles, “he did. But what very few people know is that he came back in his lovingly homemade  ‘Bigfoot’s Boy’ t-shirt and a a lot of glitter--remember, that was the E.T tour so everyone was space themed--clearly having left the house with the intent of trying to get into our bassist’s pants, and instead proceeded to tell us he’d seen how our manager operated through the night and we could so better and here’s how.”

“Jesus.”

“He was remarkably intimidating in spite of the glitter and his argument was airtight. So we fired Hayes and hired him. He did eventually bang our bassist, but that was perhaps obvious.”

“Given that they’ve been married for like five years, yeah. Still can’t believe Barclay went from beiin a rockstar to bein’ a chef.”

“He was always an ingenious cook. He once made breakfast using nothing but the still-hot engine of a mini-van.”

“AGH, god, why?”

“We were broke and hungry and there was nowhere to buy food.”

“That’s hardcore.”

“Mostly just oily.” Mr. Cold grabs another Capri Sun, sitting down across from him, “hmm, if you were sixteen when we started, did you ever get to see us?”

Duck shakes his head, “only kinda. Y’all mainly played twenty-one plus places even after you started gettin big, then you weren’t tourin nearby. When you announced the farewell tour, my friend Juno and I drove to Richmond to hear y’all play from outside the stadium. She’s still got a picture of us from that night somewhere, all geared out, tryin to look cool enough to be there.”

“You’ll have to let me see it, so I can determine if you pass muster.” Mr. Cold teases. 

“I ask if she can send me it. Christ, I remember bein’ so fuckin bummed when y’all announced The Cryptids were disbanding, then so fuckin relieved when you said you were gonna keep makin new stuff and performin just as Indrid Cold. Your voice is fuckin amazin.”

“That’s not always the word used.”

“So you don’t sound like Bruno Mars or some pop diva, big fuckin’ deal. You sing and people listen because they ain’t ever heard anyone like you. No one in the world sounds like Indrid Cold.”

The singer gives him an odd smile, “that’s very kind of you to say.”

“Sorry, guess there’s still some fanboy hidin’ out under the roadie.” His cheeks heat up as he finishes his drink.

“I think we should both get some rest.” Mr. Cold stands, ushering him to the door, “and that we should talk again sometime. And thank you again, Duck, for your happy accident.”

‘You’re welcome, Mr. Cold.”

A famous smile that’s never stopped being weirdly captivating, “please, call me Indrid.”

---------------------------------------------------------

“You sure Indrid wants me on the bus and not just to, I dunno, load it?”

“Yes indeed.” Ned, Indrid’s publicity man, gestures grandly to the open door of the tour bus, “now kindly get yourself and your bag on it so we can get a move on.”

Duck climbs aboard, awkwardly sets his bag on the carrier shelf as he nods hello to Boyd, Indrid’s driver and part time bodyguard. 

Indrid is lounging on a black couch, but sits up when he sees Duck, “ah good, you decided to join me.”

“Yep. Uh, did you ask me for a reason or?”

“I like talking with you.” Indrid cocks his head, as if puzzled by the question. Duck wants to point out that the a god of the alt scene, a musical genius, who could have anyone he wanted for company, seeming to be excited by hanging out with a roadie is a bit confusing.

Indrid, meanwhile, is shoving drawings and notes aside so Duck can sit down, “mind you, I don’t expect you entertain me or something; I’m working on some poster art right now, for that fundraiser, so if you have things you like to do on the road, you’re welcome to do them. My room is that way if you want to nap, and it has a t.v as well if you want to watch something. Oh, and we have wi-fi, of course.”

He sounds like a college kid showing off his first apartment and it wrong-foots Duck enough that he just grabs his book from the pocket of his bag.

“Thanks, uh, think I’ll read for a bit.”

Indrid grins, goes back to his drawing, pen scratching hurriedly as the bus jolts to a start and pulls onto the road. 

After awhile, Indrid glances at him and asks mildly, “what was your favorite album? Of The Cryptids, I mean, not my solo stuff.”

Duck taps the spine of the book against the table as he thinks, “I mean The Cryptids  has that whole edge by bein’ the first, because there was nothin like hearin’ your sound for the first time. But I gotta say...Unsolved. Whole thing is fuckin amazin, but your vocals on “To a Flame” still give me fuckin chills.”

“I haven’t played that song in a long time.” Indrid says softly, smiling, “it was always a favorite. I wrote it about someone I could never have.”

“You can feel it. In, uh, in the way it’s arranged, the way you sing, gives this whole feelin of someone who’s decided to love someone completely even though they’ll never be loved back.”

Indrid looks at him a moment, that same odd, small smile quirking his lips, then returns to his drawing. When the road gets bumpier, they move to a couch in the middle of the bus with a low table nearby. Duck pulls out his laptop and plugs in his headphones, pulls up Planet Earth as Indrid’s head starts drooping. Two episodes in, the singer falls asleep, flopping sideways so his head is in Duck’s lap. 

He should move him, Indrid will probably think this is weird when he wakes up. Then again, he looks so cute like this. And it’d be rude to wake him up. 

Duck’s to the episode on jungles when a slender, tan hand reaches up and plucks his left earbud out. Startled, he looks down to find Indrid putting it on and adjusting his head in Duck’s lap, clearly engrossed in the carnivorous plants onscreen.

“Do you want me to just turn the normal sound on?”

“No” Indrid murmurs sleepily, “this is perfect.”

-------------------------------------------------------

Duck assumes the bus will be a one-time event, but he’s ridden with Indrid each time since. Which is why, when his phone dings, Indrid is sitting right beside him. 

“Looks like Juno found the, uh, the photo.”

“Let me see” Indrid grabs the phone from him, cackling with delight when he sees the image, “you two were really the pair of cryptozoologists, weren’t you?”

“Told you we were tryin too hard.”

“On the contrary, I love it, it’s exactly the kind of weirdness we wanted to inspire in people. And if seems you did like to collect our merch, that shirt you’re wearing was a limited run.”

“I know. I, uh, I saved up for it, way I always did if something had art of yours on it.” He slaps his hand over his mouth, embarrassed by the admission.

“That’s very sweet.” Indrid smiles at him, then lifts his glasses for a better look, “what does the collar you’re wearing say?”

“I, uh, fuck, I don’t remember, got, uh, got amnesia, collar specific amnesia, fuck, uh-”

“C, O, L...you were wearing a collar with my name on it.” Indrid’s grin takes on a hungry edge, “someone was downplaying whose fanboy he was.”

“I, I didn’t want you thinkin I was creepy, or that I was just bein nice to you because of the crush I had on you in college.”

“I don’t, I promise, though I appreciate the consideration. Here” he hands the phone back, but as Duck takes it he leans in and whispers, “but you really should wear a collar more often.”

-------------------------------------

“Sooooo how’s it going with Indrid?” Aubrey, Indrid’s magician opening act, sits down next to Duck at dinner.

“Good. Wait, shit, are people talkin about us?”

“Kinda? I mean, Indrid hangs out with the band, and with me, plenty, but none of us get to be on that bus. Not like I’m complaining, Dani and I have our own sweet ride.”

“There ain’t anythin goin on between us. It just...Indrid seem like he likes bein’ friends with me.”

“That’s awesome!”

“Yeah” Duck sighs, wistfully, “y’know, it’s funny. Even after I started workin here, he was still Indrid Cold in my head, the guy who sang like he was diggin down in my head, who did wild shit like kiss his male bandmates on stage, who was always so fuckin cool. And now he’s Indrid, this guy who’s kinda awkward and wears way more pink than I assumed and flaps his hands when gets excited and somehow that’s even better.”

“Awww, someone has a cruuUUshh.”

“Had, Aubrey. Had.”

“Whatever you say, Duck” she winks at him, “whatever you say.”

-------------------------------------------------------

“Are these yours?”

Duck shakes himself awake. They’ve been driving all evening and well into the night, and he must have nodded off and knocked his notebook over. Which is why Indrid is now holding several sheets of loose paper.

“Shit! I mean, uh, yeah, but they ain’t anythin special.”

“I didn’t know you wrote songs.” Indrid scans the pages with a critical eye.

“Sometimes. Like I said, they ain’t anythin to make a fuss over.” 

Indrid makes a noncommittal noise and picks up a nearby guitar, tuning it, “you can go back to sleep, I’m just going to fiddle about for a bit.”

Duck lays down on the couch, and falls asleep to the sound of Indrid’s hums.

He’s shaken awake two hours later, and is thoroughly confused to find Indrid in tight black pants and silvery shirt, black boots on his feet and a deep green on his lips; that’s his stagewear, not his pajamas.

“Put on your most punk-rock outfit, and make it fast.”

He manages to get an old Cryptids t-shirt on along with black jeans that, if he does say so himself, make his ass look good, and is tugging on his boots when the bus pulls into a dusty parking lot.

“It’s the only goth/gay bar in the county.” Indrid says by way of explanation as he pulls Duck out the door, Boyd following them as Ned stays behind to watch the van (“in case we need to make a hasty retreat”).

“Wait, holy fuck, I always thought that was a myth, that you would stop at random clubs and play.”

“Not in the least, though it’s been awhile. Ooh, whoever is already playing sounds very good.” He pushes open the door, the smell of smoke and stale beer and sweat pouring over them in waves as they enter. Indrid keeps to the side of the room, holding Duck’s hand all the while, and spots the tiny merch table with “The Hornets” painted on a yellow sign on the front. 

“Wait for me here.” He kisses Duck’s cheek and disappears into the crowd. When the band finishes the song, a youngish woman waves them over to the side of the stage, strangers in the crowd turning to each other to ask what the fuck is going on.

The guitarist and lead singer reappears, giant H on their shirt,  and grabs the mic, “y’all aren’t gonna believe this, but the Hornets have just acquired a new singer and it’s gonna blow your fucking minds. Give it up for one of the gods of horror-surf, the grinning man, the mothman himself, Indrid fucking Cold!” 

The crowd screams loud enough to shake an entire coat of dust from the walls as Indrid steps on stage, beaming and waving.

“Thank you very much, Hollis. I’ve got four songs for you tonight, including something very, very new. So, without further ado” he grabs the mic, flicks his hair, “let’s prowl.”

The Hornets launch into the opening notes of “on the prowl,” the crowd cheering and hooting and singing along with so much energy that Duck can’t hear Indrid’s voice until the last verse. He claps along with everyone else as Indrid takes the mic of the stand, “and here’s one I haven’t sung in far too long.”

The bass and guitar start in a minor key, half country swing and half horror sting.

“Always on the outs, always in the dark.” Indrid shuts his eyes as he croons, “always so hungry for one little spark. Always so willing to play your game. What can I say? I’m like a moth to flame.”

Duck knows the song by heart but he’s never heard Indrid sing it live, like there was someone in the room he was hoping would hear it and know it was for them. He doesn’t breathe until the song ends; he doesn’t want to miss a single note, miss the way Indrid’s voice curls around the room as if searching for him. 

As the crowd applauds at the end, Indrid crosses to Hollis, who hands him their guitar. He loops it over his shoulder, returns the mic to the stand. 

“Now, this next song is very special, it doesn’t have an arrangement yet, so you’ll have to live with just my melodious voice.” He picks the guitar, brow furrowed in concentration, and Duck gasps. 

He knows this song, he’s just never heard it played anywhere but inside his head. Indrid sings it flawlessly, the crowd swaying in time with him, and Duck realizes he must have practiced nonstop while he was asleep. 

The short song comes to a close and he tilts his head, “what did you think?”

The audience bursts out cheering and Indrid grins, “yes, that’s about how I feel too. I can’t take credit though, it was written by a friend.”

He returns the guitar, nods to the band, and purrs into the mic, “the sun goes down and the moon comes up.”

Shit how did he know? Does he know? He can’t know.

He can’t know this is the song Duck used to jack off to. A cover of a cover, a video where Indrid growls and purrs and nearly fucks the mic as he sings. 

“You better duck, when I show up, the goo goo muck” he writhes in time with the music, “I’m a nightmare, honey, looking for some head.”

God, fuck, how could he have forgotten just how Indrid sounds when he sings this, like the monster under the bed came to life, turned out to be hot, and really wants to fuck you. Indrid is on his knees now, working the front row, dragging his free hand across his body with moans between the words.

“He must really like you, mate.”

“Gahfuck, Boyd.” Duck jumps, but doesn’t take his eyes off the stage.

“I’m just sayin’, he’s never let anyone come to one of these before. I only do because Stern’ll kill us if we let him go without some kind of backup.” Boyd pats his shoulder, heading back towards the door. 

Indrid finishes the song panting, the Hornets looking harried from keeping up with his energy. As the crowd screams and claps he bows, and hurries off the stage. In cries for an encore and the darkened house, Indrid finds him again, grabbing his hand and sprinting outside.

“God I missed doing that!” He laughs as they run, “did you have fun?”

“Fuck yeah, Indrid, fuck, you really liked my song?”

“Of course. And it seems they did too.” The bus doors close behind them, but Indrid doesn;t stop moving, “we’re both very tired, going to bed now, goodnight!” 

Duck’s about to point out he sleeps on the pullout couch, not the bed, when the bedroom door slams shut and Indrid yanks him into a kiss, tongue in his mouth and hands in his back pockets, groping him with a growl. 

When Indrid breaks the kiss, Duck’s certain he has stars in his eyes. 

“Is this alright?”

“Hell fuckin yeah it is.”

“Good” Indrid shoves him backwards onto the bed, “shirt off.”

Duck obeys, Indrid stripping his own away and tossing it on the ground. As Duck fights with his jeans, Indrid retrieves a condom and something black from a box, setting them on the bed. He notices his struggle and shakes his head as he prowls on top of him, “ah ah, we don’t have time for that.”

“Butmmmmfff” Duck gasps and moans as Indrid kisses him again, demanding and messy.

“Get them low enough for me to fuck you.” He bites Duck’s lip and sits up, wiggling his own black pants down enough to free his cock. By the time he gets them free one leg and down to his knee on the other, Indrid has the condom on.

Indrid tosses away his glasses, gives him a long once over, licking his lips, “good boy.”

Then he’s on top of him again, cock inside him and fingers tangled in his hair.

“Oh fuck, you’re soaking, god, what got you so wound up, hm?”

“You, just you, watching you, Indrid, god please fuck me.”

“Gladly, goodness, fuck, that’s it sweetheart, you take me so well.” Indrid hammers into him again and again, kissing him each time he whimpers or moans. 

Duck wraps his legs around him, manages to get his head up enough to tease his tongue along Indrid’s nipple. 

“AH! Good boy, mmmm, I knew you’d be perfect to fuck.” He adjusts so he can run his hand up Duck’s throat. There’s no pressure in the gesture, but plenty of possession.

“What do you think, shall we get you a new collar?”

“Yes, yesyesyes, Indrid, god, fuck please.”

“Oh you like that, mmm” he switches to slow, deliberate thrusts, a counterpoint to Duck’s frantically jerking hips that makes them moan in tandem, “we could get you several, would you like that? I could put them on you according to my mood and what I wanted you to be that day.”

Duck means to say yes, whines instead, grinning breathlessly when Indrid strokes his cheek.

“Good. I’d like it, too. Nnnh, god I’m close.” He stops entirely, awkwardly shifts and pulls them until he’s on his knees with Ducks ass in his lap, “but I want you to cum first.”

“I, I can try.”

“It was an order.” He reaches down, revealing the black object from earlier; a vibrating wand.

“Oh fuck yeah, fuckFUCK” his legs thrash when the vibe presses against his dick, “Indrid, sugar, ohmyfuckinggod.”

Indrid grins, wide and wanton, and turns the toy up, eyes flicking between Ducks face and cock as he cries out and bucks his hips. 

“What a good boy, getting my cock so wet” he wiggles his hips with a moan, “you feel delightful when I use this on you, perhaps tomorrow I’ll have you sit on my cock and do the same thing over and over again, edge myself with the feeling of you needy and tightening around me.”

“Indrid, fuckplease, yes, yes, fuck, I’m so fuckin close darlin, ple-fuck, ‘Drid!” He cums with groan, whole body shaking as pleasure overloads his nerves. 

The vibrator thunks to the floor as Indrid lunges forward, pinning him to the bed and fucking him hard and fast, cock thudding into him in time with his purring groans. 

“So, so good, my Duck, so very good, god, yes, yesyes” he’s moving so violently Duck is now grunting from the force of the impact, “that’s it, good boy, take what I give youAHHnnn, Duck, Duck.” His hips slow as he groans, Duck drinking in the sight of him, orgasmic and loving above him.

Indrid pulls out, condom hitting what is hopefully the trash and not his guitar case, and immediately curls around Duck, kissing his neck and face.

“Thank you, thankyouthankyou.”

Duck giggles, kisses him back, “why are you thankin me? I’m the one who just got to fuck a rockstar. You got to fuck some regular dipshit.” He bumps their foreheads together to show he’s teasing. 

“Incorrect. I got to fuck you. You, who are funny and charming and to the point, and who has taught me a remarkable amount about plants.”

“S’important to have hobbies.” Duck mumbles into his shoulder. 

“Indeed. My point is, you make me happier than I’ve been in a long, long time. And while fucking you has been on my mind has been on my mind lately, it was not actually what I planned to do first. I, ah, I” he rests his head on Duck’s shoulder, hides his face in his neck, “I wanted to ask if you wanted to be my boyfriend.”

“Hell fuckin yeah.” Duck hugs him tight as he laughs with relief, “Indrid, I wanna be with you, the real you, not the one I had the crush on all those years ago. I wanna make you happy.”

“You do that just by existing, but I have some other ideas as well.”

“Oh yeah?” Duck kisses his nose.

“Well, for starters” Indrid’s eyes gleam as he looks up at him, “how would you like to write some music with me, boyfriend?”

“I think that sounds fuckin amazin. Boyfriend.”

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

WhatsApp? Part 1. (Steve Rogers x reader)

Description: You've never been lucky with guys. You just wanted to catch someone's eye, to be loved. One day, that's about to turn completely - with one fake, completely imagined number a guy gave you.

A/N: It's three a.m. here ok? As always, I can't sleep for shit. And I'm really productive. This idea popped up randomly during listening to one Czech rap song. Oh, shoot, I know. Just enjoy okay?

Warnings: None for now. ;) Some arguing Bucky and Sam and gentleman Steve.

Word count: 2 K

Tagging: @missdictatorme 

Series masterlist: H E R E

You couldn’t believe it.

You talked to a guy who was nice, handsome and really well mannered. You were on cloud nine when he wrote his number down and gave it to you with a little bitting his bottom lip.

Little did you know that that guy was a total a-hole. The worst kind of them. He and his fellas just made that freaking number up; and he bit his lip because he holding his laugh, not to appear sexy at all.

But it lined up. The number was reserved for New York. So you were convinced that you got one guy to go to date with and have a nice time. And your friends were totally thrilled when you told them. Literally, no-one could believe it; you were gorgeous in your own way, you were nice but… So naive at times. But now? You have nailed it. You got to score.

And maybe you’ll score with the guy eventually?

That’s what you told to yourself in the morning, sitting on the edge of your bed, writing that number down to add it into your contacts. You almost fell off the bed when a strange name appeared in your WhatsApp contacts.

You didn’t recall him being Steve, but that was alright. You just edited his name in your contacts. Maybe you overheard him yesterday at the club? You tried to study his photo - it was a huge dog, Bernardine you assumed, catching a frisbee with his mouth. You awed. Was that Steve’s dog? Damn, that was cute as hell.

You looked at the name and quote he chose to describe himself on WhatsApp. Steven Rogers: Your patience is the most important thing you have. Don’t lose it. It can bring you great things.

You were in slight awe again - he seemed to be wise and smart. Which only went hand in hand with his good looks you remembered.

Y/N: Hey, handsome. How was the night? Doesn’t your head hurt too much?

You typed with excitement in your moves and then you put your phone down. You were sure that Steve will not text back soon. Only if you knew that you have woken up and completely confused a strange guy on the other end of the line.

———

Steve hummed into his pillow as his phone vibrated on the nightstand he had next to his small bed. He liked to keep thing simple - a small flat with two bedrooms, a kitchen combined with a living room and a small bathroom. It looked exactly how would you expected guy’s nest to look - always a bit messy and it barely felt like home. It needed a woman’s hand badly.

He decided to share his flat with Sam in order not to feel so alone in his flat in Brooklyn. As time passed, they bought a bigger sofa for Bucky. There was three of them living together when any mission was occurring. Steve loved his little place.

Steve searched for his phone with his eyes completely shut. He finally managed to get some sleep after some sleepless nights only to be woken up with a WhatsApp message? Was Tony fucking with him again? It was hardly 8 a.m. But dear God - it wasn’t Tony. It was a completely strange number which popped up and starting a new conversation, having box directly above the Avengers text group.

Steve slowly sat up and frowned.

X: Hey, handsome. How was the night? Doesn’t your head hurt too much?

His first instinct was to block that someone and ho back to sleep. But something temped him to text back. So he went for it. Steve Rogers answered a strange text.

Steve: The night has been pretty good. I slept like a baby, maybe a bit better. My head doesn’t ache, should it? Who am I texting with anyway?

He was proud of himself. That was a huge move forward from a guy that barely could use Google. Tony will be out of his mind when Steve is going to tell him about this. He could text back to a strange person. That excited him.

He waited for a bit, silently listening if the person texts back. There was a silence for ten long minutes; then Steve got up and went to the bathroom. It was a delight to be first in there. Sam took a hilarious time in the room and Bucky always left long brown hair behind him. Using a clean bathroom was a special thing in this flat. And Steve was not willing to let that slide.

The shower was quick, he showered every morning and every evening. Sam always made fun of him being a princess obsessed with his looks. That made him always chuckle. The rest was fast - quick shaving to keep his beard completely under control, a quick brushing of his teeth and then he slicked his hair on its place. It was getting too long - so he knew he would have to visit barber any time soon.

After that, he silently sneaked through the living room, trying not to wake Bucky up from his beauty sleep. He had plenty of time to make breakfast for his fellas. That was his concern until the phone vibrated again. Steve opened the text slowly, expecting everything from it.

He expected a message from an obsessed fan, he expected that that text was only a mistake and that that person clarifies that soon after. Steve embraced himself and prepared himself for seeing something Sam called a ‘nude’, which should be an image of someone’s naked body to please the second side of the conversation.

But it was none of that. It was a normal text and Steve even felt some insecurity from it.

X: Sorry, I can be so dumb sometimes. Lol. My name’s Y/N, we met by the bar yesterday? Did you tell me about the stars? Remember?

Okay, then it was Steve’s time to panic. She had probably mistaken his number with his own. What for god’s sake should he do? What should he text back to that lady? Steve calmed down a bit shrugging his shoulders.

Just as Steve wondered what should he answer, one of his best friends (Sam) walked down the kitchen with his primadonna manoeuvres, looking like a piece of shit.

“I heard that you are making some breakfast,” - Sam sat down on one of the chairs, looking Cap himself down with a playful look. Steve just let it be, watching him, trying to form a question in his head. - “I hope that you will leave some for yo boy Sammy.”

“Stop playing around, Sam. I need advice.” - Steve answered in a firm tone, letting the thing for preparing that delicious breakfast be as they are and sitting opposite to Sam.

“I am a bit overwhelmed that someone like you need help from someone like me.” - Sam playfully wiggled his eyebrows. - “Okay, what do you need, Cap?”

“So, I got a text message from someone this morning,” - Steve started to explain and ignored Sams grinning face. He was implementing much more into the situation than what actually happened. - “And I don’t have a single idea what should I answer that person. Are you willing to help me?” - Steve asked shyly.

“Okay, Iceberg. What’s the issue?” - Sam leaned his elbows into the kitchen table and once he had a very serious expression.

“It is a girl. A miss is more on point I guess. She wrote to me that we have… Met. But I don’t recall that. She must’ve met someone different and then misspelt his number.” - Steve recapped most quickly and Sam hummed, quietly offering Steve that he will read her texts. He let him do that.

“Okay Cap. Are we sure it isn’t some crazy-ass woman fangirl? Like one hundred percent sure?” - Sam looked him in the face and gave him his phone back.

“My fan mail of this sort looks way different. I’ve seen things, Sam. She just seems to be clueless.” - Steve sighed.

“Yeah, I’m getting that vibe too, I was just testing you.” - Sam joked and leaned his body closer to Cap, earning a moron look from Steve. - “And you have obviously passed, gee. Spare me those moral looks. Now, what would I do? I would play along. She doesn’t have a clue of who she is writing to, your formal name isn’t that known. I would be the guy she met. Give it some time, you’ll see if she’s hot, and then, maybe some mingle can happen, if ya know what I mean.”

“First of all, champs.” - A humming could be heard coming from the sofa which meant that Bucky is up as well. - “You two are so fuckin’ loud. Second of all. Do you really want to just lie to that lady, Steve?” - Bucky sat up, looking at those two fellas camping at the table; he looked like a Jesus Christ Superstar as Sam used to call him when the morning came.  

“Get those Jesus moral thoughts out of here, Buck. I didn’t say to hurt her, did you even listen to a word I said?” - Sam looked Bucky down with his judging stare and proceeded to frown at him.

“Nobody talked about hurting somebody, birdbrain. But I and Steve were raised with manners back in the good old days. And this isn’t how we would have behaved.” - Bucky leaned into the back of Sam’ chair, looking Steve directly into the eyes. - “You’re the biggest gentleman I know, Rogers. Steve would not lie to a lady.”

“Yeah, Jesus. But he can’t just say Hey! I am Captain America! That girl could just sell his number to some interviewers. Do we want that? No!” - Sam and Bucky had their fight fully on and Steve knew that he can’t stop them at that point. Both were speaking the truth - he was a gentleman, indeed, but he couldn’t say to her who he really is. She must have not connected two dots - not many people knew that Captain’s name was Steve Rogers. Maybe in the sixties, but now?

Yeah, he was taught about in school in history, but usually, the young ones had no interest in it. There was a huge probability that the girl didn’t even know who Steve Rogers was.

“Okay, stop it.” - Steve shouted in panic, looking at those two arguing like a married couple. Bucky and Sam immediately stopped, watching him. - “What should I do?”

“Well, do you want to text with that lady?” - Bucky raised his eyebrows. It was a simple yes or no questions and yet Steve sat there like he couldn’t count to five. Then he nodded lightly.

“I guess so. I don’t know who she is, but she seems to be fun with those nicknames. Let’s give it a shot.” - Steve smiled a bit, relaxed about that situation.

“Listen up, Iceberg. I will tell you what to write.” - Sam leaned closer and started talking.

Steve: I don’t really know what you’re talking about, sadly. Maybe you have met someone different and he didn’t write his number, right? My name’s Steve by the way and it’s really nice to meet you. If you want, I don’t mind to keep this texting on. :)

And he was especially proud about that emoji in the end.

——-

You almost jumped on the phone when it vibrated again. It was from Steve. Did he recall meeting you? As you read the text in your car, you hummed sadly. It wasn’t that man from the bar after all. This was some strange Steve who was well mannered and who was obviously pleased to meet you. That was nice. He wasn’t trying to cut the conversation down, which was lovely as well.

Y/N: Nice to meet you Steve and I’m sorry for waking you up.

And this is how it all has started.

[crue-sixx]

Forever and Always

Title: Forever and Always

Author: tiddly-winx

Summary: Based on @crue-sixx's vampire head canon, the reader is a vampire who has completely captivated Nikki Sixx.

Warnings: mild smut, swearing.

The night you met your future love, you were just looking for your next meal.  The young folk nowadays seemed really into the vampire legends as a gimmick, but that suited you just fine, you were just trying to blend in with your surroundings.  That was one of the first lessons your master had taught you, before casting himself into a bonfire to end his unnatural long life.  You had also learned the essentials from him, like never drink after the heart had stopped beating, no prolonged exposure to the sun and most importantly how to choose prey-only feed on whoever you could, but kill the wicked the wicked.  In the years that followed his abandonment, you had grown bitter at the world and did as you pleased.  Over the span of 100 years, you understood why your master had cautioned discretion-you had seen many a fine vampire meeting their untimely end at the hands of ignorant villagers.  You eventually taught yourself how to keep cool as a cucumber in social situations, more importantly controlling yourself when you smelled blood. 

However, you soon grew tired of being sociable and did what many other vampires did when they didn’t want to be bothered-you found yourself an empty crypt and fed on the stupid teenagers who wandered inside in search of whatever hauntings local lore dictated plagued the cemetery.  You didn’t kill them of course, but you made sure to make your mark on inconspicuous places of the body.     

It was early in 1981 right in the heart of Los Angeles that you eased up from the depths of your long sleep to listen to the most invigorating music you had ever heard.  It was loud and aggressive, making the very earth rumble as if its sole purpose was to wake the dead.  You strolled into the lane of graves from your mausoleum and began walking towards the sounds of the nightlife.  You took in what the young people were wearing, then looked down at yourself in dismay.  The ankle length modesty dress was sorely out of fashion but a grin came across your face as you spied a young lady wearing a black leather corset with matching leather pants and boots.  “Child” you called out to her, so softly it was like a whisper on the wind.  She turned around and locked eyes with you, a deep breath later she was mesmerized by what she was seeing and spoke briefly with her companions about going onto the Whisky a Go Go, that she would catch up in a minute. 

When she was directly in front of you, she asked what you wanted and you replied “Where can I aquire such articles of clothing, Child?” 

In her trance like state, she pointed to a clothing store right across the street.  You thanked her and kissed her hand, then turned it over to expose her wrist.  You bought your fangs down on it and drank a small amount-the ‘little drink’ as you called it.  She didn’t feel a thing as you drank from her, but when you were finished you dismissed her and she rejoined her group.  You sauntered into the shop where the clerk stared at your garments.  You picked out a wine colored leather outfit similar to what the young lady was wearing and enchanted the salesperson with “I’ll just be taking these, it’s no trouble right?” 

The clerk put up no argument as you changed into the more updated outfit.  It looked fitting on you and from the girls blood, you obtained some knowledge of current events and lingo.  You walked out of the shop, picking up some gothic themed necklaces on your way out.  The music was so loud you didn’t even need to use your enhanced senses to feel it-it shook your bones to the very core.  You finally got in and stood in the front row, the young man playing a rather peculiar instrument (which you later learned was a bass) locked eyes with you and he kept his gaze on you for the entire song.  You smirked and winked at him as the song was winding down, leaving to go wait in the alley for the next ‘little drink’ to come by. 

A few moments later the same young man that coudln’t stop staring at you while playing his song opened the door and peeked outside to see you.  You looked up at him and asked “You following me, rockstar?” 

“Just...” he shifted uneasily, like he was unaccustomed to talking with the ladies “Wondering why you left so quick” he seemed to have gotten over his temporary shyness and added “There’s a party over at our place.  You should hang out with us” 

“Sweetheart, I don’t know if you can handle me, but alright” this human was intriguing to you so you accepted his invitation.  Soon you grew fond of your newfound friends, even like a little family if you dared say so.  It felt like something worth coming back to see every night.  Seeing them party like they were going to die the next day was interesting to say the least.  They were always doing stupid things, knowing full well the possible outcomes and consequences, but they didn’t care.  It was the first time you genuinely laughed in centuries. 

It was when you finally had a moment alone with Nikki on the couch with your head in his lap that your eyes locked intimately, just as they had the night you two met.  He breathed a ragged breath out, and from his blood you could smell the rush of hormones swim in his veins.   You knew what he wanted and were more than happy to oblige.  A silent heat came over the both of you as you got up and straddled him, his hands coming down gently on your hips.  You had to know that this was more than just lust, so right before things started to get too heated, you broke the kiss and asked “You sure you want to do this, Nikki?” 

“Only if you want to” he answered; his eyes glazed over with desire.  That didn’t answer your question, so you did the next best thing.  You gently scraped the skin on his neck to draw the smallest amount of blood possible and licked it up to see his truth.  He was completely and utterly yours if you wanted him, and by God you did. 

“Then take me to bed, Rockstar” was all the confirmation he needed, easily lifting you up and carrying you to his room bridal style.  His touch was unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before-even when you were human.  He was so gentle with you, making sure he explored every inch of your nude body and you doing the same for him.  Your orgasm was so intense that when the ultimate wave of pleasure initially hit you, your fangs popped out and it took all of your will power to resist biting him and draining him dry.  He finished soon after you did, feeling your heat erupt on his cock sent him over the edge.  A low, stuttering curse from his mouth as a final, giant thrust reached into your hot core.  You felt his seed enter you, then drip onto his sheets when he pulled out. 

“Jesus Fucking Christ” he panted, using his remaining strength to keep himself propped up over you.  “That was awesome...” he then lowered down and off of you, cuddling into your frame.   

You too were more than satisfied and only offered an unintelligible “Mmm” in response, not being able to say much else.    

Nikki ran his fingers through your hair and asked “How about you be my girl?”  You nodded an affirmative reply, to which he just grinned and kissed you tenderly.  The next time you both came out of his room, Vince and Tommy were in the living room with open beers in their hands.  They stared in smug amusement. 

“It's about time Sixx!  We were wondering when you were gonna do her!”  Tommy got up and offered a high five, but it was not returned. 

“Y/N’s my girlfriend.  I’d appreciate it if you’d stop making such jokes at her expense if you don’t mind” he said playfully. 

Vince took a swig of his beer and added “No shit, Sherlock.  You haven’t even LOOKED at another girl much less fucked one since you met her!”  You were very much surprised by this revelation, but you kept your cool. 

“Gotta get back to my place, Babe” you nuzzled into him “They’ll try to rent it out again” you had indeed gotten a job and an apartment of your own since you woke up, and you used that place as a hiding spot for when you fed.    He walked you to your apartment, then at your door he turned you around kissed you softly. 

“Last night was amazing, baby” he sighed into your neck. 

“How about we do an encore at my place soon?” you held up a key to your apartment and gave it to him.  “You’re always welcome here if you need a place to crash” he took the key without hesitation and one more quick kiss before going back to his place. 

It was a few days later that Nikki and the boys came knocking at your door, only because they hadn’t seen or heard from you in a few days.  On the way over, they discussed things they thought seemed off about you.  Like you skin being pale and cold to the touch, the way your eyes changed colors and were even red sometimes.  Most importantly that you almost never came out in the daytime, unless it was a cloudy day when clouds covered the sun.  Mick in his usual sarcastic tone suggested “Maybe she’s a fuckin’ vampire” to which the other laughed nervously. 

Your senses were going wild, not being able to feed for the past few days was taking its toll on you.  Your skin was sunken in, your eyes like a wild animal’s ready to pounce at the first sight of a wandering human.  You looked like a living corpse, to put it mildly.  When you heard the door to the apartment open and heard them calling you, you stopped dead and stared at the bedroom door.  “I’m fine...just been feeling sick the past few days...” you called out. 

“If you’re just sick then why the fuck won’t you answer the fuckin’ phone?” the door to your room opened and the light clicked on.  The false lighting was too bright for you in this weakened state and you hissed, getting under the covers. 

“Just go away...you four aren’t safe here...” you groaned. 

“Not until we see you” Tommy insisted and pulled off the blanket, all of them completely shocked to see you in such a state. 

“Y/N you need a fuckin’ hospital!” Nikki tried to lift and carry you out the door but you grabbed the door frame and roared, accidentally baring your fangs to them all.  Your eyes so red they glowed like a stop   light at midnight.  Nikki put you down and stared in shocked amazement, after a moment he said “What are you?” 

“I’m a vampire, guys” you sheepishly scolded yourself for such an unsightly display “I get like this when I can’t feed for a few nights...” 

Without hesitation Nikki offered up his wrist for you to bite “Drink from me, Baby...if it’ll help you get better...”  his blood was calling to you, but you refused.  He laid you on the bed next to him and bought it up to your lips. 

“I don’t wanna hurt you, Nikki” you told him. 

“And we don’t want to see you starving yourself like this.  Shut up and drink my fuckin’ blood, woman” you kissed his wrist before biting down into it.  The small popping sound of your fangs puncturing his flesh was followed by a rush of pleasure.  He only gasped a little bit and winced, letting out a small moan of carnal desire.  All you needed was a few swallows, a transformation back into your old self, plus a little more color to your cheeks. 

Mick was in awe most of all, saying “Holy shit, you really are a vampire” he reached up to touch your face to make sure he was really seeing this.  Nikki tried to walk but stumbled, you caught him and put him on the bed. 

“Sleep now, Nikki” you cooed in his ear “the first time feeding from a person leaves them tired” he obeyed and slipped into a deep sleep.  Soon, you explained everything about being a vampire “I was forced into a marriage I didn’t want, and on my wedding night, I jumped from the tower.  A vampire saw me and turned me without even asking if I wanted to be one.  The bastard then left me to find out what it meant to be a vampire” you recalled what you could remember from your human life. 

Soon they all agreed that they’d take turns letting you feed from them.  You were pleasantly surprised to find that not only were they willing, but they liked it even.  Things had been going like this for a few years, but then Nikki came to you asking to do something you thought you’d never have to do.  “Y/N...I want you to turn me into a vampire...like you...”The band was rising in popularity in the clubs and even a record company offered them a deal. 

“Please, Nikki” you looked down shyly “Wait a few years...you’d have to leave the band because people would see that while the others aged, you’d stay the same.  If you can live with leaving the band, faking your death and going through the excruciating transformation into a vampire then you can ask me again...” he accepted these terms, and three years later he asked again. 

"Are you absolutely sure you want this?” you asked him, reiterating all of your previous points in the last discussion. 

“Yes, Y/N” he answered “Baby, I don’t care. I love you so much and I want to be with you…forever. Please, just let me be able to do that.” he pleaded, taking your hand in his. 

“Alright...the transformation is very painful.  I have to drink from your neck until almost the point of death, then have you drink from my neck.  It feels like pure lava coursing through your veins, the heart quickens to pump the vampire blood faster” you could smell he was afraid, but he knew it was worth it if it meant he would spend eternity with you. 

He walked closer to you, his lips crashing into yours and his tongue invading your mouth.  He broke the kiss breathlessly.  “Do it, Babe...” you started kissing down his neck, the artery pounding beneath the skin.  You sink your fangs into him, he let out an audible gasp and he soon slackened.  You laid him down on the ground and listened to his heart, being careful not to take too much.  When you knew the time was right, you stopped and sliced your neck and bought him up to your body.  You first felt his tongue then he pulled you in closer to him to get as much blood from you as possible. 

You trembled, gently pushing him away “That’s enough darling...” he was thrashing about, screaming and cursing to high heaven.  You cradled him in your lap, reassuring him that it only hurts for a few minutes.  He stopped moving and for a moment you were worried that you had killed him.  He opened his new, blood red eyes and sat up to look around. 

“Everything seems so vivid” he remarked, taking in familiar surroundings with his new senses.  “I can see, hear and smell things I couldn’t before...” he dragged his fingers across the wound on your neck “even touch is more sensitive for me...” 

“I will teach you the ways of being a vampire, Nikki” you said to him “first lesson starts now-we must feed to heal our wounds...” you showed him how to use his sex appeal to get prey, but to never take the life of an innocent.  “Kill the evildoer whenever you come across one, Nikki” you told him “make them suffer, but take no pleasure in your duty” he nodded in agreement. 

“As long and I can have you by my side while doing it, anything is possible” he kissed you again, before his first of many lessons began.

[chimerabal]

Character Playlist - Cassiel Bleyhall

Rogue/Bard Fuckboy Extraordinaire, I love him, and I hate him, and if I had to listen to fuckin Wiggle half a million times now you all do too.

He kinda comes with a trigger list, and so does his music: Lots of drug use/abuse themes, and a lot of sexual themes, just, through out the whole list.

-Link to the full playlist on Youtube-

Let’s Face It I’m Cute - 11 Acorn Lane

Dancing Through Life - Wicked Soundtrack (it stops being relevent at about 3:10 when Fiyero stops singing, but no theatre fan is going to crop it that way and I respect that)

Wiggle - Jason Derulo (awful.)

Lone Digger - Caravan Palace

Lover Boy - Phum Viphurit

Hands to Myself - cover by DNCE (“I mean I could, but why would I want to?”)

Matter of Time - The Struts

But it’s Better if You Do - Panic! At The Disco

House of Wolves - My Chemical Romance (It’s Innistrad, if I don’t have one song making a jab at religion I’m doing this wrong.)

100 Bad Days - AJR

Silvertongue - Young The Giant

Rob the Banker - Lyre Le Temps

3 Nights - Dominic Fike

Oops I Did it Again - Britney Spears (I couldn’t find a good male cover because every guy who covered it went HuMoRoUs because they’re all too WEAK to sing Britney)

Washington Square - The Correspondents (“Just love the lust you’ll have the leap without the fall.”)

Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off - Panic! At The Disco (Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ, never in one hundred years did I think I would ever roleplay a character horny enough for this song)

Bad Boy Good Man - Tape Five

TONIGHT - The Correspondents (“I’m gonna remember the things that I said, not just to you, but the taxi driver too.”)

Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time - Panic! At The Disco (Theres always so much Panic on all my playlists sorry I’m not sorry)

A Little Party Never Killed Nobody - The Great Gatsby Soundtrack

Take it Off - Ke$ha (Sorry I stole so many songs from Aurelia’s playlist, Fox 😂)

[lickstynine]

Misadventures of Kit: Chapter Seventeen

written with @ocsickficsideblog

When Taddy pulled up outside of the pub, Kit already felt out of place. The car he was climbing out of likely cost as much as the building he was walking into, and the building wasn’t nearly as clean. He remembered what Alistair had said earlier about him getting mugged, and pulled his scarf up to cover the gold sparkling in his ears. He looked at the dingy concrete stairs leading down to the entrance, waiting nervously as Alistair climbed out after him.

Alistair glanced at him. “It’ll be okay. She’ll be happy to see you here.”

“I’m not worried about her, it’s all the other people in the pub. I’m pretty sure literally anyone in there could kill me with their bare hands.” Kit mumbled, as if they were walking into the fight club and not a regular dive. He was shaky walking down the cold steps, whether from the chill or the nerves, it was hard to tell. He waited for Alistair to open the door, but he relaxed a little at the welcoming warmth inside.

To Kit’s surprise (but not Alistair’s), the inside of the bar was actually quite pleasant. The decor was a bit dated, and the furniture worn, but there was a lively energy filling the room that made the physical setting hardly matter. On the small stage in the corner, a familiar orange mane caught Kit’s eye. Siofra stood in front of the microphone, a violin in her hands and fire in her eyes. On either side of her were young men with hair of the same colour, one clearly much younger than his bandmates, playing a beautiful upright bass. The older of the boys stood nearly a head taller than Siofra, and with his build, his beard and his guitar, he looked like the lovechild of Ed Sheeran and Thor.

“Jesus Christ. Looks like Siofra’s family were fed steroids with their milk as babies,” Alistair muttered.

“Alternatively, we're just frail from centuries of noble inbreeding.” Kit was only half joking, but he smiled. “On that note, we need to sit down.”

“What’re you drinking?” Alistair asked, pulling Kit to sit at the high stools at the bar.

“Whiskey, if you'll let me.”

Alistair paused. “You probably shouldn’t drink straight whiskey. Can’t you have a cocktail or something?” Alistair had no idea about alcohol.

Kit shrugged. “Fine. Jack and Coke, then. What do you want, a Shirley Temple? I doubt a pub will serve hot chocolate.”

“I have no idea what any of them are.” Alistair sighed, simply ordering a cola, wanting to stay sober in case Kit needed him.

Kit decided not to tell his cousin a Shirley Temple didn't have alcohol in it. He couldn't be bothered with the inevitable rambling that would result. When his drink was handed over, he smiled gratefully at the bartender, mumbling to Alistair to remind him to tip her later. He spun around in his stool to face the stage, sipping thoughtfully as he listened to the music.

Siofra noticed the new faces at the bar, winking to them between songs. Kit smiled back, waving his free hand. Before he knew it, his glass was empty, and he traded it to the bartender for a refill. He wasn't sure if it was the liquor, or the warm, surprisingly welcoming atmosphere in the pub, but he didn't feel nearly as nervous as he had earlier. There was feeling in his fingers, and a flush in his cheeks, and he found himself humming to the music.

Alistair didn’t know how quickly cocktails could get you drunk - he assumed if it tasted fruity, there couldn’t be too much booze in it. He figured Kit was enjoying himself, and was glad to see him smiling more. The music was good too, so Alistair was actually quiet through it.

The boys sat and listened for a good forty minutes as the band continued to play. Kit's gaze was locked on the stage, but he continued to exchange empty glasses for fresh ones in a practiced motion. He was swaying in his seat as the set drew to an end, partly because the tune was infectious, but also because he couldn't stay steady and upright.

When her band had wrapped up, Siofra hopped off the stage, violin case slung over her shoulder. She strolled over to the bar, where she was promptly presented with a pint of Guinness and a wink from the bartender. She winked right back and turned to the boys.

“You made it. I was beginnin’ to worry you wouldn't come, you never answered my text.”

“Shit, I didn't?” Kit seemed surprised with himself, as if he weren't always that scatterbrained.

“He’s useless at texting,” Alistair said. “You were pretty good up there.”

Siofra laughed. “I wasn't expectin’ a compliment from you.”

“I thought you were lovely.” Kit added. Siofra patted his shoulder, and he teetered a little.

“Easy, Red Hot.” She chuckled. “it's still a bit early to be smashed.”

“I'm not.” He huffed. “You're just strong…”

“He’s only been drinking cocktails,” Alistair said worriedly.

Siofra snorted. “Only? What's 'e normally drink, Everclear?”

“Are they bad?” Alistair asked. “I thought they were just fruity shit!”

She took the half empty glass from Kit's hand, giving it an experimental sip. “Fruity? There ain't even fuckin’ fruit in this. It's whiskey and Coke. Have you ever had a real drink?” Siofra asked, handing the glass back to Kit so she could cross her arms and look at Alistair judgmentally.

“Of course I have! I just can’t bloody afford fancy gay cocktails like him.”

“Jack and Coke isn't even pricey.” Siofra rolled her eyes. “God, and you've been the one keepin’ an eye on him?”

“Al has been doing a great job.” Kit offered, trying to be helpful.

“See?” Alistair cried, his chin in the air. “Tonight is a bit of a fuck up though. I didn’t mean to let him get drunk.”

Kit huffed. “Why not? We’re at a pub! Why can’t I have fun?”

“You keep almost falling off your chair.”

“It’s a stool! There’s no back to lean on.” Kit whined. Siofra snickered.

“Are we supposed to buy you a drink or something now you’ve played?” Alistair asked Siofra.

She laughed. “I mean, you can. It’s not a requirement. I got paid.”

“I’ll buy you a drink.” Kit declared. He spun around to address the bartender and nearly fell over. “Excuse me, Miss? My friend will have a… what will you have?” He turned again to look at Siofra, but kept his arms leaning on the bar this time.

Siofra was trying not to laugh, since he was being nice enough to buy her a drink. “I’ll have what you’re having.”

Kit nodded, turning again to the bartender. “Two more, please, dear.”

The bartender chuckled, but she poured drinks for both of them, raising her eyebrows at Siofra as she handed it over. Siofra grinned back, but said nothing, clinking her glass to Kit’s before taking a drink.

“Cheers.”

He nodded, smiling quite sincerely at her. “Cheers.”

“That’s all you’re having, Kit,” Alistair grumbled, getting out his sketchbook, ready to start third-wheeling.

“What?” Kit whined, “You’re so mean.”

“You’re hammered already!”

“I’m not hammered, I’m buzzed. There’s a difference.” Kit argued.

Siofra pretty well agreed that he was hammered, but her brothers had come over to drink and talk, so she left the cousins to argue and turned to greet them. Alistair moved his stool closer to Kit, looking uneasy. “Fuck, I hate meeting new people…”

Kit patted his shoulder. “They’re not going to be rude.”

“You’re always so much more relaxed when you’re drunk. Why doesn’t booze do that to me?”

“Because you can’t hold your liquor.” Kit said plainly.

Siofra turned around, her brothers flanking her. “These are my idiots. The big hairy one is Riagán. We’re twins, unfortunately.” He elbowed her, but he was grinning into his beer. Siofra just kept talking. “And this is Cillian. He’ll be happy to know that you’ve taken the role of the small fruity one.”

Kit huffed, trying not to laugh. Cillian waved sheepishly. “I wouldn’t have put it like that, to be fair. Siofra is more -”

“Of a bitch?” Riagán offered. This time, he got elbowed.

“Blunt.” Cillian finished.

Now Kit couldn’t help laughing, and he smiled warmly. “Pleasure to meet you both.” He held out a hand to shake, too drunk to be bothered by just how much bigger and stronger than him both boys were. Alistair just nodded and waved at them, glad they were sitting where he could hide behind Kit. He wished there was a dog here this time to divide his attention.

Riagán was still grinning. “Sheef, I thought ya said you were bringin’ a boy this time.” That, of course, got him elbowed in the kidney again.

“Don’t mind that idiot.” Siofra huffed, “He’s more beard than brain, an’ his beard’s not even that great up close.”

“My beard is lovely!”

“It’s fine,” Kit wasn’t in a state where that sort of comment bothered him. “I’ll be the first to admit you could probably bench press me.”

Siofra snorted. “Probably? Please. I could bench press him.” She gestured to Alistair, who was rather wide to be hiding behind his stick figure cousin. “I used to be able to lift Cilli before his last growth spurt.”

“You’re not bloody lifting me,” Alistair said.

“Aww, why not?” She pouted.

“Because you’re meant to be hitting on Kit, not me. That’s way too touchy.”

“You’re no fun.” Siofra sighed.

Kit nodded. “No fun.”

“Ah, well.” She shrugged and turned to Kit. “I can lift you later.”

“Sheef!” Riagán covered Cillian’s ears, as if any of them cared about decency. “There’s children present.”

Siofra rolled her eyes. “Then go away, ya big baby.”

Cillian snorted. Riagán huffed. “You’re not supposed to be listenin’!”

“Not my fault your hands make lousy earmuffs.”

“Actually, you idiots should both leave.” Siofra decided. “I have plans, and they’re not with you.”

Riagán dropped his hands to his hips, looking at Cillian with feigned offense. “We’ve been snubbed!”

Cillian shrugged, turning to grin at his sister. “See ya, Nutcracker. Have fun with your Sugarplum Fairy.”

“Get out!” Siofra shoved him away from the bar. The brothers walked off to wreak havoc elsewhere, laughing and chattering so loudly you could hear them from halfway up the stairs.

“Idiots.” Siofra rolled her eyes. Kit was so busy laughing at ‘Nutcracker,’ he hadn’t even caught that Cillian called him Sugarplum Fairy. Even Alistair was laughing, though he’d definitely heard the fairy part. Siofra shook her head and downed the rest of her drink, going back to the beer she’d abandoned.

Kit glanced at her empty glass. “Do you want another?” He asked, already half turned to call the bartender.

“Don’t waste your money on me.” She shrugged.

Now Kit laughed again. “I forgot you met me at Al’s place. I promise, I can afford it.”

“You sure?” Siofra raised her eyebrow.

“Whatever you want. The tab’s on me.” Kit promised.

Siofra smiled. “Then sure, I’ll have another.”

The bartender brought a fresh drink right away, and Kit met her glass with his own. “To a lovely night. May it only get better.”

“Oh, I’m plannin’ it will.”

Alistair made a vomiting noise, bent over his sketchbook. Kit rolled his eyes. “You can go away if you don’t want to listen.”

“I can’t. I’m your chaperone. But your flirting is awful to listen to, while I’m here. I feel like I’m in Twilight or something.” Alistair said.

“I don’t need a chaperone.” Kit grumbled.

Siofra looked disgusted. “Excuse me! I do not sound as cheesy as fuckin’ Twilight! An’ wasn’t the whole point of those movies starin’ an’ whinin’ at each other without actually fuckin’? I’m tryin’ to do the opposite.”

“No, the girl wanted sex but the guy might accidentally fuck her death with his vampire-ness or something. And she still wanted it. Thirsty bitch.”

“There's worse ways to die than during wild sex.” Kit chimed in.

Siofra snorted. “Damn, I'm gonna have fun with you.”

“Guys, Jesus,” Alistair groaned, blushing.

“We're consenting adults, don't be so uptight.” Kit rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, but if I wanted to watch two people have sex I’d look at porn. Just cool it while we’re in public.”

“Or we could go somewhere less public.” Siofra proposed.

Kit was already climbing off his stool (though she had to catch him so he didn’t stumble). “Lead the way.”

“Am I gonna hafta carry you?” She asked.

“I have a driver outside.” Kit said.

“What am I supposed to do?” Alistair demanded, “Wait in the car like a lemon?”

“Come with us back to my place.” Siofra answered. “You can take Finny for a walk while I take Kit for a ride.”

Alistair groaned. “More than I needed to hear! I have to walk the dog while you two hump?”

“You don’t have to. If you wanna wait in the car, go right ahead.” Siofra shrugged.

“Fine. I’ll fucking walk poor Finny. He won’t want to listen either,” Alistair grumbled. “But don’t go too hard on Kit. He can barely climb the stairs without needing a rest.”

“I am fine!” Kit flapped a hand dismissively at his cousin. Siofra was just snickering.

“I’ll take care’o him, don’t worry.” She looped her arm around Kit. “Ready to go?”

“Let me pay the tab first.” Kit unbuttoned his duster to pull his wallet from the pocket of his pea coat.

Siofra raised her brows at him. “Aren’t ya warm in all that getup?”

“I’m never warm.” Kit replied, peeling a pair of pristine fifty-pound notes out of his wallet. Their tab had been barely seventy, but he was just going to leave the rest as a tip. He seemed confused when the bartender stared at him. “Is something the matter? They’re real.” He assured her.

“I don’t think I can take that…” The girl mumbled, looking between him and her till in a state of equal confusion.

Through the drunken haze, Kit suddenly remembered he was in a much smaller, less affluent venue than he would usually drink at. “Of course, sorry. Do you take card?”

She nodded, offering up the chip reader. He fished through his wallet again, pulling out a sleek black credit card. Once the tab was covered, he set one of the notes on the counter. “You’ve been lovely, have a good night.”

The bartender didn’t object, but she stared blankly at him, then looked at Siofra, who just grinned back and led Kit towards the exit. Once they were out on the stairs, Siofra spoke up.

“Bloody hell, Strawberry Split! Ya didn’t tell me you were shittin’ gold!” She cried, half carrying him up the steps without even trying.

“You didn’t ask…” Kit shrugged, leading her to where Taddy had parked. Siofra nearly yelled again when she saw the car.

“Jesus fuck, are you royalty?”

“He’s in line for a Duke’s title,” Alistair said. “There was a big family fight ‘cause my mother is his father’s sister, and she got nothing out of it. Kit practically is shitting gold. He’s got his own island.”

“A fuckin’ island?!” Siofra was so loud that time, she made Kit jump.

“Careful! He doesn’t like yelling,” Alistair said fiercely, very protective.

Siofra froze, her face going a bit hard, while Kit shrunk into the collar of his coat, clearly embarrassed.

“I didn’t mean nothin’ by it. Not every day you meet someone with a bloody island.” She mumbled.

Kit shook his head. “You’re fine. I’m not bothered.” He opened the car door for her, trying to be chivalrous like she hadn’t been holding him up half the night.

“Just...go easy, okay? He’s not well,” Alistair said.

“I told you, I will.” Siofra’s attitude had changed substantially; she didn’t appreciate the way Alistair was policing her. Nonetheless, she plunked down in the car, waving to Taddy. They exchanged a quick greeting, and Kit offered Alistair the front seat, so they wouldn’t have to all squish into the back.

Alistair sat by Taddy, sulking. There was a hot, sick feeling in his stomach, and he actually blushed when he realised what it was. He was jealous of Siofra for taking some of Kit’s attention. Alistair closed his eyes as the car drove, letting his head fall with a clunk against the window; he felt like a little kid on the playground who’d lost their friend.

The two in the back had never even put on seatbelts. Siofra was too busy unbuttoning two coats and a pair of jeans, and Kit was busy making out with her. They didn’t notice the partition going up, or the radio turning on, effectively censoring them from the front seat.

Taddy turned to Alistair, noticing his somber expression. “What’s wrong, sir?”

“Something stupid,” Alistair mumbled.

“It can’t be stupider than ceiling pancakes.” Taddy offered a sympathetic smile.

That raised a tiny smile out of Alistair too. “I think it actually is. It’s fine. I’m just being pathetic.”

“Are you sure? I listen to your fiance’s woes. I don’t mind being a sympathetic ear for you, too.”

Alistair bit his nails anxiously. “Well… Look, you’re going to think I’m a complete idiot. I do. But it’s Kit… He’s needed me all these weeks when I’ve been looking after him, but I’ve never made him look as happy as he looked tonight with her.”

“Well, all of this was triggered by a heartbreak, yes? Sometimes you need a good rebound to properly get over that sort of thing. It’s not that you haven’t been helping, it’s that you can’t exactly fill the romantic void that was left.” Taddy paused. “Well… you could. But it’d be creepy. And I don’t think Master Julius would be pleased.”

“Yeah, I think we’ll leave that to the nobles of the past. I don’t know why I’m feeling like this. I want him to be happy. And now I’ve pissed off that girl too. I always get stuff wrong,” he sighed, drawing up his legs on the seat and resting his chin on his knees, looking like a little boy.

Taddy patted his shoulder gently. “Don’t you worry about that. They’re both plastered and about to shag, there will only be vague happy memories in the morning.”

Alistair snorted. “I can’t believe you said shag.”

“What do you want me to say?” Taddy asked.

“I don’t know, I’d have thought you’d call it something old fashioned and discreet like hanky-panky.”

Taddy chuckled. “How old do you think I am?”

“Well, you said you had grown up kids. My parents are in their fifties now,” Alistair said.

“And do your parents say hanky-panky?” Taddy laughed.

“My parents just insult each other. That’s just what Jules says,” Alistair admitted. “Or “make love.”  And he talks like a grandma.”

Now Taddy was outright guffawing. “Lord, stop, I don’t want to veer off the road…”

“Well, you know it! He’s spoken to you. He doesn’t even say penis, he still calls it a “willie,” like he’s potty training his toddler.”

Poor Taddy was really struggling to focus, with Alistair rambling idiocy in his ear. Luckily, they had just pulled up in front of Siofra’s flat, and Taddy was able to park the car, still laughing. He shook his head and gave Alistair a bemused glare. “Get out of my car.”

“Yeah yeah, everyone kicks me out eventually. Do I really have to get those two out? What if they’re naked?” Alistair asked, pulling a face.

Taddy snorted. “There’s no chance. Master Kit isn’t that indecent.”

“He’s really drunk.” Alistair paused. “Hey. Thanks for listening to me tonight.”

“It’s no trouble, sir. I don’t mind talking.”

“You’re a good guy, Taddy. How’d you get stuck working with a dick like my uncle…”

Taddy shrugged. “The pay was good.”

That made Alistair laugh. “Oh well, I’d better alert the love birds.” He knocked on the screen.

“What?” Siofra had to pull away from a kiss to answer, and she wasn’t happy about it.

“We’re at your flat. Do you both have pants on?”

“For now.” Siofra sighed, sitting up and hauling Kit up from where he’d been laying across the seat. She tugged his jackets around his shoulders like a layered cape, so he wouldn’t freeze walking to the flat. “Come on, out you go.” She half-dragged Kit out of the car, though he was doing okay once he got on his feet. His jumper was scrunched up, but not quite off, and his glasses were askew. Siofra’s hair was messy and her tank top was hanging out around her hips - until now, it had been tucked into her high-waisted jeans. She guided him, and by extension, Alistair, into the building and up the stairs to her door.

It didn’t take Siofra long to find her keys, but by the time the door was open, Kit was shivering fiercely. She tugged him inside, expertly dodging the Finny that came running full speed to greet them. Alistair knelt and opened his arms to Finny instead, pulling a face. “Come on, Finn, we’ll go for a midnight walk. I’m not listening to them.”

[write-havoc]

This Is How I Disappear Ch. 5

Summary: A girl named Chuck finds herself in the exact place she doesn't want to be, living with violent men in a desolate nursing home. After her former gym teacher finds her, will he be the savior she was looking for?

Fandom: The Walking Dead AU

Pairing: Negan/Original Female Character

Status: Completed (story continues in The Flame Is Gone, The Fire Remains)

Contains: swearing, violence, sexual assault, blood, smut

Readers 18+ of age only

Masterlists in my bio

“Uh… Sure.” Chuck sets the guitar down on the bed and follows Sherry into a room with double doors down the hall. The large room is, of course, beautiful. The front of the room is a large sitting area featuring several ornate couches and chairs in black and navy blue, along with a bar off to the side. To the back on the right is a kitchen area with black granite counters complete with a dining area. Along the back wall is a partially opened door leading to what looks like a large bathroom. To the left of the kitchen, behind the sitting area is a beautiful black grand piano. Chuck stares at the instrument, thoughts of all the songs she could play fluttering in her mind. Her thoughts are interrupted by Sherry.

“What's your name?” Sherry’s polite voice brings Chuck's attention to the five women sitting around the room. “That's Amber.” The young blonde one. “Tonya.” The one with black hair and a smirk. “Frankie.” The tall redhead. “And Kayla.” The curvy brunette. Sherry points each of them out as she says their names.

“Um, I'm uh… Charlotte. But you can call me Chuck. Nice to meet you… all.”

“Charlotte is such a beautiful name. Why would you want to go by Chuck?” Tonya says jokingly.

“Hey, I like it!” Frankie chimes in. “Boys names for girls are cute.”

“I suppose you would think that, Francis,” Tonya playfully mocks.

“Ugh. Don't call me that!” the redhead responds.

  Okay. Everything is going well so far. They seem nice. And they don't seem mad at me. So... that’s a plus.

 “Are you joining us?” Kayla asks.

“Joining you for what?”

“The wives. Are you becoming one?” Kayla clarifies.

“Oh, no! God, no.” Chuck blurts out, flustered. “I'm not… It's not like like that. I'm up here because Negan just, uh, feels bad for me.”

  Really, Chuck? He feels bad? Just make yourself look super pathetic in front of these women, why don't you? Stupid.

 “Negan doesn't feel bad for people,” Amber interjects almost sadly.

“Amber.” Sherry chides.

“Well, he doesn't, does he?”

“That's not exactly true and you know it, Amber. Don't scare the girl.” Sherry’s voice sounds like a scolding mother’s.

“Don't mind Amber,” Tonya says. “She's just a little… moody lately.”

“So Negan didn't ask you to be a wife?” Frankie asks quickly, sharing looks with all the other wives.

“Oh no. I mean, yeah. He kinda did. But it was just because he thinks it would be easier on me here instead of... working. He doesn't… want me, though. I’m not exactly his type, obviously.” Chuck laughs nervously as she motions to herself.

“ Every woman is Negan’s type. If you have a pussy, he’ll want to put his dick in it,” Tonya replies making everyone laugh.

Chuck shrugs her shoulders and blushes furiously.

“Well, he must think you're pretty special if he let you stay in his room all night. We don't even do that.” Frankie adds.

  What should I say? I don't think Negan wants people to know that we knew each other before. How do I explain why he brought me up here?

Wait... Why don't his wives stay in his room?

 “Were you hurt yesterday?” Sherry interrupts Chuck’s thoughts. “You didn’t look too good last night.”

“Um. I’m okay. Negan, uh… He took me away… from a bad situation out there. He brought me here about a week ago. I, um, had a bit of a hard time adjusting, I guess…” Chuck says quietly, failing to keep her voice from cracking. She clears her throat before continuing, “Negan is trying to- he wants to help me. Get me healthy.”

“Well, we're glad you're here. Hopefully, Negan will let you come up here more often. We don't get many visitors on this floor, so it’s nice to talk with a new person.” Kayla’s voice is friendly.

  Okay. I don't know how to respond to that. They're being so nice to me. I always feel so awkward when people give me attention.

Should I say something? No one is saying anything else and everyone is staring at me. Don't be awkward, Chuck. Say something!

 “How did they get that in here?” Chuck blurts out, pointing to the piano.

“Oh. There's a big freight elevator on the other side of the building. They got it working just for that.” Tonya explains.

“Oh. So you guys play?” Chuck asks.

The women shook their heads. “Nope. None of us do. Actually the only person that plays it is Mr. Emerson. He was a piano tuner before the world got shitty. I think that's the only reason Negan brought that thing up here. He likes Mr. Emerson and the stories the old guy tells as he works on the piano.” Frankie adds.

“Do you play? We heard you singing in Negan's room. It was really beautiful.” Sherry smiles as she speaks.

Chuck lets out a nervous laugh. “It's been years. I'm sure I'm really rusty.”

“Please play us something.” Amber pleads with her.

“Go on. We want to hear anything but the same little practice song that Mr. Emerson plays.” Tonya says as she pushes Chuck toward the piano. “Or Kayla playing Heart and Soul.”

Chuck sits at the bench and pushes it forward. She lightly presses her fingers on the keys, getting a feel for them. It’s a bit too much for her, having spent the morning playing the guitar. She never thought that music would be a part of her life again. But now she’s sat in front of the nicest piano she's ever seen with people just waiting for her to play.

“Okay, don't judge if I don't sound good.” She giggles nervously as her cheeks turn red. Chuck clears her throat and allows her fingers to dance across the keys, playing a song she had played a million times before.

 “There's no living in my life anymore

The seas have gone dry

And the rain's stopped falling

Please don't you cry any more

Can't you see

Listen to the breeze

Whisper to me please

Don't send me to the path of nevermore

Even the valleys below

Where the rays of the sun

Were so warm and tender

Now haven't anything to grow

Can't you see?

Why did you have to leave me?

Why did you deceive me?

You sent me to the path of nevermore

When you say you didn't love me anymore

Nevermore

Nevermore”

 Chuck is startled by the sound of clapping coming from the doorway.

“Jesus Christ, Chuck! I think you made some of the wives cry with that shit. It was goddamn beautiful as fuck!” Negan calls out with a laugh as he walks into the room.

“Did you write that?” Amber asks, wiping a tear from her cheek.

  Jeez. I didn't mean to make anyone cry. I mean, they asked me to play…

 “No-“

“That's fuckin' Queen.” Negan interrupts. “You don't know Queen?” Amber shakes her head. “Shit. I'm gonna have to get a record player or some shit up here. Fuck, Chuck. I didn't realize how much I missed music until now,” Negan says while making eye contact with Chuck.

Chuck says to the wives, “If you liked that, you should hear Freddie Mercury sing it. I can't hold a candle to him.” She lets out a nervous laugh.

“Will you play us another song?” Kayla asks hopefully.

“Sorry, ladies. Chuck has an appointment she needs to keep.” Negan gestures to the door.

“Oh, okay.” Chuck stands from the bench. “It was nice meeting you guys.” She waves to the wives as they say their goodbyes to her.

Upon entering Negan's bedroom, he asks, “What were you doing with them?” His tone is a bit annoyed for some reason.

“Nothing. Sherry came in here and told me that the wives wanted to talk to me. So… that's what I did.”

“What did you talk about?”

“Nothing important. I wasn't really in there that long.”

He lets out a heavy breath. “I know we haven't really fuckin’ talked about them. The wives…”

“I understand why you have them, Negan,” Chuck interjects. “They separate you from everyone else. Elevate you. That's how this all works, right? You're, you know…” She extends her arms out wide, not being able to think of the right words.

“I'm big?” He chuckles with raised brows.

“Yeah. I mean, kinda. This place works because everyone has one thing to follow.” She points to him. “You. And they follow you because you're above everyone else. Everything you do exerts power over them. The way you act. Everything you say. The wives are part of that. I'm not gonna say that I think it's awesome, ‘cause I don’t. But I get it.”

“Hmm.” He makes the “I’m impressed” face. “You are smart as fuck, you know that? I didn't think you'd take it that well. Or look at it that logically. I thought you'd call me a disgusting fuckin’ misogynist pig or some shit. I remember when you went off on Scott Howe for telling you to get back in the kitchen or what-the-fuck-ever he said. That was some funny shit.”

“You saw that?” Chuck giggles at the memory then gets back on subject. “I mean, the whole wives thing is weird. If this were a completely polygamist society where all men had multiple wives, I would want nothing to do with being here. But since you’re the only one with multiple wives, it’s... not so bad, I guess.” She shrugs. “But I don't think you're a misogynist. You're just… egocentric?” She laughs a bit nervously, not knowing if Negan would be offended. She’s relieved when he starts to laugh genuinely.

“Yeah.” He laughs more. “I suppose you're right.”

The door to the office opens and closes. “Sir? I got your food out here,” a voice calls out from Negan’s office.

“Good. Dinner’s here, sweetheart. I'm fuckin’ starving,” he says and they make their way to the kitchen. They both sit down with the food that the kitchen had prepared and start to eat.

“What did you have for lunch?” Negan asks.

She swallows her bite before speaking. “Uh. Actually I didn't really… eat anything. I got caught up with the guitar. I had too much fun playing, I guess.” She chuckles nervously, avoiding his gaze. When she finally does look up at him, she sees that he has a disapproving look on his face. “I know, I know. I won't forget to eat tomorrow.”

“No, you won't. I told the doc not to let you fuckin’ skip lunch when you go back to work. He's probably going to talk to you about it, too.”

Chuck scrunches up her face upon hearing that. “Great,” she says sarcastically.

“Sorry about your luck, baby girl, but we need to get some fuckin’ meat on those bones,” he says with a full mouth as he points at her with his fork.

“Are you trying to make me chubby again?” she giggles. She always found it easier to be self deprecating when people gave her attention.

“When were you fuckin’ chubby?”

“Ages 12 to 22,” she jokes.

He gives her a disapproving face, then says, “Well you need to gain a fuckton of weight before you get ‘chubby’ now.”

They finish dinner and move on to Negan's room to play chess.

“Did you know Simon, before all this?” she asks after Negan makes his move.

“Yeah, why the fuck you asking? You got the hots for him, or something?”

She throws her head back and laughs. “No! Not at all!” She stifles more laughs as Negan chuckles to himself. “I'm just curious! It seems like you guys are close.” She makes her move and looks back to Negan.

“We're old friends. I ran into him some time after the dead fuckin’ reanimated. He's been my right hand man the whole time I was building this fuckin’ place.”

“So you built all this right after getting back with Simon?”

“Pretty much. I mean, it took a little while to get this place to where it fuckin’ is now.” He scratches his beard and continues. “Simon worked here at the factory. Before. When I met back up with him, he thought it might be a good place to fuckin’ hole up. He was right. We cleared it, found some more people. The Sanctuary was born.”

“Simon didn't want to be the leader? You know, since he knew of the place.”

“He didn't want all the fuckin’ responsibility of running a place. Also, he’s not exactly an idea man. He's a fuckin’ great second in command, though. Gets all my shit done.”

“Do you call him ‘Number One’?” Chuck says in her best Patrick Stewart voice. “Please tell me you do!”

He laughs. “No. But I should.”

“Would he get the reference?”

“Fuck no. He's not a Star Trek kinda guy. He watched shit like Rizzoli & Isles.”

“Really?! That seems not true! Are you lying?”

“Nope. I shit you not. He watched the fuck outta that show. Talked about it all the fuckin' time.”

Chuck laughs. “Simon’s kind of a weird dude. He makes me laugh, though.” She giggles.

“Oh, you don't know the fuckin’ half of it. I've known that fucker since middle school and I could tell you some fuckin’ stories.” They both laugh.

“Have you ever run into any people from high school? My high school, I mean.”

“They were all dumbasses, so I'm sure they're all fuckin’ dead.”

“That's kinda defeatist.”

“It's just realistic, sweetheart.”

“I suppose. Did you go back there? The school, I mean. It probably has a ton of supplies.”

“Yeah. A lot of people thought of that. It was picked fuckin’ clean when we got there.”

“Oh, yeah. I guess that's a pretty obvious place to go.” She pauses as a thought occurs to her. “I still dream about high school every once in a while, for some reason.” She laughs. “Like I'm late for a test or I didn't do a big project or something. How silly is that? Society literally ended and my mind is still preoccupied with high school.”

Negan’s face is suddenly set in a frown. “I had a fucking dream about that fucker Drew Hanson the first night you came here.” He lets out a sigh. “I beat the shit out of him in it, just like I did in real life. I hadn't thought about him in fuckin’ years,” he trails off.

“Who's that?” Chuck asks with a confused look on her face. “Oh, wait. Mr. Hanson, the wood shop teacher? Why'd you beat him up?!” she exclaims excitedly. She loves to hear gossip. Even if it is ten years old.

“Your mom never fuckin’ told you?” He looks surprised as Chuck shakes her head, confused. “Shit.” He takes his glasses off and sets them on the coffee table before continuing. “That motherfucker Brendon -remember that douche?- started to spread around that I was fucking you because I cut him from the baseball team for being late all the time. That little dickhole thought he'd get me fired with that shit. I shut that shit down quick, but fuckin’ Drew Hanson must've overheard him or something. He had the fuckin’ audacity to come up to me in a goddamn bar and start talking about all the female students he wanted to fuck, like we were kindred fuckin’ spirits and shit. Fuckin’ pedo prick. Then he started saying some real fuckin’ disgusting shit about you, wanted me to give him nudie pics of you and shit. Tell him stories about us fucking… Videotape you...” He shakes his head. “I dragged him out into the alley and beat the fucking fuck out of him. Told him if he ever even so much as fuckin’ looked at you again, I'd fuckin’ kill him. And I meant it. Put the fuckin’ fear of God in him. He quit his job the next day. I told your mom about it after she had us over for dinner that one time. It didn't feel right fuckin’ keeping it from her. She said she didn't want you to fuckin’ know about it. Said you'd be freaked out, so I never brought it up. I figured she'd’ve told you when you got older. Guess she never fuckin’ did.”

Chuck’s mouth is agape for a moment; she doesn’t know what to say. “That really happened? God, that's horrible. Why would he say that stuff about me? I never even took that guy’s class. Guess I'm glad I didn't…” Chuck’s not sure how to process the information Negan has just told her.

“Yeah. I hope that dick is good and fuckin’ dead now. Wish I could've killed him myself.”

Chuck is taken aback by Negan’s visceral reaction to the years old memories. “That explains some things, I guess. Why we started to meet in the library instead of your office, right?”

“I didn't want people to fuckin’ gossip about you. I couldn't care less what those fuckers said about me, but I didn't want them dragging your name through the fuckin’ mud when you did nothing wrong.”

“I never knew any of that. I guess you were always looking out for me, huh? You're a good man, Negan.” Her voice is soft and genuine.

“I have my fuckin’ moments, I guess.”

It’s silent for a few moments before Chuck says, “You know, my mom had such a big crush on you. She thought you were soooo hot.” Chuck laughs, trying to lighten the mood. “She said you looked like a more rugged Denny from Grey’s Anatomy. And she absolutely loved him.”

“Really? Shit, your mom was a goodlookin’ woman. You mean I could've had a piece of that?”

“Gross, Negan.” She pauses. “But, probably.” They both laugh hard.

“So you could've called me ‘Stepdaddy Negan’?”

“Ah, no!” Chuck exclaims, trying to stifle her laughs. “Too far! You just took it too far! That's super gross!” she yells as she waves her hands in front of her.

“Hey! You know, I have fuckin’ feelings, too, sweetheart. And you calling me gross just hurts every fuckin’ one of them,” he jokes.

“Oh, I'm sure your ego is just so bruised.” She smirks, sarcasm lacing her words.

“Well, there’s only fuckin’ thing I have to say to that. Check-muthafuckin’-mate!” He makes his final move as he smiles his huge grin at Chuck.

“Good game, Coach.” Chuck is still giggling as she holds out her hand for him to shake.

“So, are you sleeping over again?” he says as he shakes her hand.

“What?” Chuck just assumed that that was a one time thing. Especially after what the wives had said.

“Do you want to sleep here tonight?” He asks matter-of-factly as he keeps eye contact with Chuck.

“Uh, no. I mean, why would I… sleep with you? Well not sleep with you. Right?” She laughs nervously.

“Calm down, Chuck,” he says with a chuckle. “I'm not fuckin’ propositioning you. You can sleep here if it helps with your fuckin’ nightmares. That's all I meant.”

“Oh, yeah. I knew that. Of course. I, uh, I think I can manage by myself. Probably. I mean, I should manage it… myself.” she says meekly. “Right?”

“Well, I'll be here if you fuckin’ need me. I mean it, Chuck. If you need fuckin’ help, I'll help you.”

“Okay. I'll remember that,” she giggles in nervousness as she makes her way to the door after grabbing her new guitar. “Thanks for the guitar.”

“You’re welcome. Good night, baby girl,” he says as he opens the door for her.

“Good night, Negan.” She exits and makes her way to her own room.

  I slept okay last night. I think I'll be fine tonight. I mean, it's probably not that I was physically close to Negan that got rid of the nightmares, right? It was just that I know he's here and I'm safe, so I should sleep fine in my own room. By myself. Probably.

 Chuck gets herself ready and cozies up in her bed. She writes a lengthy entry into her diary about Andy and being put in the cells, then about having dinner and spending the night with Negan, and finally about meeting the wives and playing music again. She stashes her diary and climbs back into bed, tossing and turning for a few minutes, before eventually falling asleep.

She’s awoken some time later by one of the recurring nightmares that had become familiar to her over the last few days. She tosses and turns again for several more minutes, trying to fall back asleep to no avail. She decides to take Negan up on his offer and leaves her room, with an outfit ready for tomorrow in her hands.

  Am I this pathetic? Running to “daddy’s” room because I had a nightmare.

Ugh. That sounded weird even in my own head. What's wrong with you, Chuck? Do not refer to Negan as “daddy”. I'm sure he’d be into that sorta thing…

 Chuck opens the door to Negan's floor and is met by his guard, a large Hispanic man probably in his late twenties.

“Could I see Negan, please?”

“Name?” the man asks gruffly.

“Chuck.”

“Go on in. He's expecting you.”

“Oh, uh… thank you.”

  Thanks for having so much faith in me, Negan.

I guess he was right, though. I am here…

 Chuck opens the door to Negan's office and walks through to his bedroom door. She knocks three times, then waits. After a moment, the door opens, revealing Negan standing there in his underwear.

“You should've just stayed.” Negan's voice is raspy with sleep.

“Yeah. Sorry…” she says, embarrassed. He moves off to the side to allow her to enter his room. She sets her clothes on his couch as he closes the door and gets back into bed. She tucks herself into his blankets and he moves in behind her, draping his arm over her just as he had done the night before. He falls asleep almost immediately, the sound of his deep breathing lulling Chuck into her own slumber.

[eldritchsurveys]

o92.

Are you bored with your life? >> Not generally. Existential boredom happens sometimes, but it’s not necessarily chronic.

Have you ever seen a spirit? >> Maybe.

What's the most supernatural experience you've ever had? >> Friend, I am a supernatural experience.

Do you ever feel the presence of God? >> Some god or another. Usually Wednesday.

Would you rather have wings like a fairy or a fin like a mermaid? >> I think wings would be marginally more useful to me than a fin. I rather like having legs.

Which season would you like to be the goddess of? >> I’d rather not be trapped into the role of being the god of anything specific, especially not a season.

Do you have any spiritual gifts? >> I don’t know. Never really thought about it.

Would you say you are a spiritual? >> A spiritual, hah. Nah, I’m just whatever I am.

Do you believe in angels and demons? >> I knew a couple of angels. One was from Night Vale. His name was Tobias and he was very poetic. Even [especially?] when he was talking about cannibalism.

Do you believe in fairies, genies, or mermaids? >> I’m willing to believe in any of them.

Do you believe that dinosaurs once roamed the Earth? >> Sure.

Does the book of Revelation make sense to you? >> It does, now. It took me a long time to realise that it’s very possibly allegorical (and very possibly about the fall of Rome). In that context, a lot of things in Revelation make a lot more sense to me, and it became easier to swallow besides. But even as a mythological End of Days, or a turning point in mythic time, it makes a lot of sense, too -- there’s at least a few Ragnarök-esque elements in there. For a while I thought of Babylon as the US, and that also makes sense. So, yeah. Revelation makes sense to me. 

What's your favorite mystical creature? >> Me.

What's your favorite supernatural book series? >> The Dark Tower saga.

Have you ever encountered an angel? >> Yep, already discussed earlier.

Do demons manifest around you a lot? >> No. I mean, they’re welcome to hang out, but generally I think they prefer more malleable quarry.

Have you ever cast out a demon? >> Nope.

Are demons afraid of you? >> I don’t know, I’ve never asked. 

What's your favorite gypsy name? >> I stay away from the use of the word ‘gypsy’, personally.

If a genie appeared to you right now, what would you wish for? >> Nope. I don’t fuck with djinn. They’re much better at wordplay than I am.

What would you say is the most unique about you? >> I don’t know, I don’t really think much about that sort of thing.

If you were to write an original song, what would it be about? >> I don’t know.

As anyone ever asked you if you were an alien? >> Yeah, I’ve been asked that. Or straight-up told that. It varies.

As anyone ever asked you if you were an angel? >> Maybe. I don’t recall.

Do you think you would rather be a mystical creature or a human? >> I yam what I yam.

Do you have supernatural powers? If yes, what can you do? >> No, I have paracosmic powers of creation. Which isn’t supernatural because it doesn’t affect the rules of the physical world.

Do you know any witches? >> Sure, I know plenty.

Has anyone ever cast a spell or curse on you? >> Not to my knowledge. But, I mean, possibly.

Do you know how to break a curse? >> I’m sure I could figure it out with some research.

Do you curse others? >> Nah, I’ve considered it in times of duress but... nah. 

Would you rather time travel to the past or future? >> I’d rather not, period. Time’s an ocean, anyway. I’m not tryna drown.

Do you wish you had the power to switch your emotions on and off at will? >> I mean, I don’t have enough problems with my emotions that this would be necessary. I kind of can switch them off.

What superpower do you most wish you had? >> Matter manipulation.

Are all of your needs met? >> Not all of them, not all of the time, but for the most part I’m not suffering terribly in the needs department.

Do you feel like your life is worth living? >> I mean, it doesn’t matter if it’s worth it or not, I’m living it anyway.

If you're gifted, does anyone know it? >> Gifted with what?

What do you do with your gifts? >> ---

Do you feel you live in a place where your gifts are honored and celebrated? >> Man, I don’t even know what you’re talking about, tbh.

Do you wish people acknowledge you and treated you with respect? >> Sure. Most of the time they do, anyway.

Do you wish you had the power to stop harassment? >> I’ve not wished for that specifically, no. But I’d imagine it’d be useful.

How old were you when you found out Santa wasn't real? >> I was never taught about Santa in the first place. It’s really too bad -- that whole legend is historically and mythologically fascinating. But it’s never too late. Plus, I have Russian Santa now (Nicholas St North, from the Guardians franchise -- Rise of the Guardians and Guardians of Childhood).

Can you relate to the story of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer? >> Not really, lol.

Do you hate inequality? >> Not necessarily.

Do people hate you because of your gifts? >> LOL wut.

If you had to give yourself an exotic name, what would it be? >> I do have ‘exotic’ names.

Do your family and friends have any superpowers? >> Not to my knowledge.

Are you a hero or a villain, or neither? Are you a commoner? >> I am a trickster.

Could you ever be a hero? Have you ever done anything heroic and brave? >> Being a trickster means I can fulfill a variety of roles. So yes, I could be a hero, if I found it prudent. (Most of the time, I don’t. ~)

How many villains do you know? >> I don’t know if I know any self-proclaimed villains. I know some self-proclaimed monsters, does that count?

What do you think of this quote: The Gospel is the only story where the Hero dies for the villains. ? >> That’s an interesting quote.

Do you think it was stupid of Jesus to die for the villains? >> I don’t pass judgement on martyrdom. It serves a purpose.

Have you ever rebelled against God? >> Well, rebelling against some notion of God (consciously or unconsciously) is how I spent most of my adolescence and young adulthood, but I’m mostly over that now. I met different gods.

Do you believe Jesus dies on a cross to save us all? >> I think the mythical figure of Jesus Christ certainly did. Whether there was an actual man named Yeshua who did all of that is a matter of much debate, and I tend to err on the side of “probably not”. But he’s a figure of myth, which makes his historical existence pretty irrelevant either way.

Would you be happy if you died right now? Why or why not? >> Hell fucking no, what the fuck. I’m having a ball, leave me alone, Death.

Are you scared of what's going to happen when you die? >> Sure. I try not to give it too much thought, because there’s no definite answer and obsessing over it isn’t going to give me a definite answer, it’s just going to waste my fuckin time.

Have you ever asked Jesus to save you? >> Yeah, I tried that. I don’t know if he was listening or if he did anything, but I did try it.

Have you ever been baptized? If so, where were you baptized? and did it mean anything to you? >> I was baptised at age, like, 6 or 7. I vaguely remember it because the whole thing was lowkey disturbing to me at the time, but I couldn’t do anything about it. It was at an AME Baptist church in Elizabeth, New Jersey. It never did end up meaning anything significant for me, although the baptism allegory did come up again a couple of years ago, during my last todash episode.

Do you enjoy reading about Greek or Roman mythology? >> Absolutely!

Who is your favorite Greek or Roman god or goddess? >> Dionyssos.

Which goddess power do you think you'd like to have? >> Meh.

Have you ever read the Daughters of the Moon series by Lynne Ewing? >> Never heard of it.

If so, what was your favorite book in the series, and who was your favorite character? Which character do you relate to the most? >> ---

Do you feel like you are special? Do others treat you like you are special? >> I’m about as special as everyone else on the planet... which, as you well know, makes the whole thing a paradox. And yeah, some people treat me like that sometimes. I’m special to individuals, which is all right.

Do you enjoy reading Bible stories? >> Hell yeah, I do.

Do you believe in the Bible stories? >> I believe in their mythological potential, in the strength of parables, and in the longevity of the myths in general. I also think most of them probably relate to actual historical events, but were just mythologised.

Do you know anyone who can read minds? >> Nope.

Have you read the Harry Potter books? If yes, did you like them? >> Yeah, and I’m in the middle of a reread right now. I... I do like them, even though I spend a lot of time dissecting the worldbuilding. I wouldn’t even bother if I didn’t enjoy something about them.

What is your opinion on fantasy? Is it of the devil, or is it ok? Do you think it's good? >> I love fantasy.

Why do you think people gave the Harry Potter series such a hard time, when it's fiction? >> Because people are afraid of going against the laws of their religion; because people are afraid of losing control over their children’s spiritual lives; because it was a weird time in the world (and maybe even in mythic time) and people have been very reactionary towards media for a long time anyway. Who knows, man. It hasn’t lessened HP’s impact on culture and society, so.

Do you believe the Bible is fiction or non-fiction? >> I believe it’s myth, which exists beyond the boundaries of “fiction” and “nonfiction”.

Are you prophetic? >> I don’t know. That’s something I’d only be able to conclude in hindsight, and I haven’t really bothered looking back to find out.

Do you speak in tongues? >> Nope. I remember being really disappointed that that never happened to me in church. 

What are your spiritual gifts, if you have any? >> Hm.

Are you intuitive? >> No more than average, probably.

Have you ever had a premonition? >> Probably.

Have you ever had deja vu? >> Sure.

Do you see into the future? >> Nope.

Can you read minds? >> Nope.

Can you see spirits? >> Maybe. I don’t know.

Can you hear voices? >> I hear the voices of people in headspace.

Do you believe in the supernatural? >> Sure.

Why do you think churches ignore the supernatural so often? >> It’s often about power and control. To restrict the human experience to only what the religion in question dictates as possible -- only priests can commune with God in a way that goes beyond praying into the void, stuff like that -- is to create an illusion of dependence on the church, which keeps people coming back. It’s kind of unfortunate, really. 

Would you ever go see a medium or psychic? >> Nah.

If someone were advertising "free healing miracles," would you go see them? >> I’d probably go to a revival featuring a faith healer because those look fun as shit, but I wouldn’t pay any money to them or anything. I’d just want to see, lmao.

Would you like to receive a prophetic word? >> Eh, I could do without.

What would you like to be healed of, if anything? >> Meh.

Do you feel guilty about anything currently? >> No.

Do you hear from God? >> At least three.

Do you spend time with God often? >> I curl up in the backseat of Wednesday’s car as often as possible. It does take a lot of mental focus on my part, though, so maybe not as often as I could.

Can you feel the presence of spirits in the room? >> Right now? No. Doesn’t mean they aren’t there, though.

Have you ever had a nightmare? >> Sure.

Have you ever had a prophetic dream? >> Probably.

What is the meaning of your name? >> Which one? Apparently “Mordred” comes from the Welsh “Medraut”, which likely comes from moderatus (Latin) meaning exactly what it looks like. Mordred, the Middle Way between Red and White. Seems legit.

Do you feel like your name's meaning fits you? >> Well, apparently I do. :p

Do you think you are a good person? >> No, I think I’m a person. ...Hell, sometimes I’m not even sure I’m that.

Do you think God would consider you a good person? >> I think Wednesday probably thinks I’m a right bastard just like him and his friends. Ravens of a feather, and all.

What do you think Heaven will be like? >> I can’t fathom Heaven. Every description I’ve heard of it makes no sense to me, so I figured it’s not supposed to.

Are you ready to die yet? >> Hell fucking no, stop asking me that.

Do you feel like your life is fair? >> I don’t care if it’s fair or not, I’m still making the best of it.

What would your life be like if you had an unlimited supply of cash? >> I have no idea, that’s unfathomable.

Do you believe Halloween decorations come alive when no one is looking? >> LOL no, but that’d be neat.

Do you celebrate Halloween? >> Sure.

Do you think renessaince faires are of the devil? >> If they are, the Devil has great taste.

Have you ever encountered an ogre? >> Not outside of a video game.

Are you an alien? >> Maybe.

Can you take a joke? >> I can take and give them.

Is there a cartoon character you wish you could meet? >> Sure, Dethklok would be fun to hang out with.

If you could have a date with a cartoon character, which one would it be? >> Charles Ofdensen (Metalocalypse). Although I kinda consider him a Me-Character, so that’d be funny.

Have you ever had a doll that looked like a person you knew? >> Nope.

If you had a voodoo doll, who would you punish? >> I don’t mess with that.

Do you enjoy watching horror movies? >> Hella.

Can you bend over backward like the girl in The Exorcist? >> Nope.

Is your house haunted? >> Most likely not, but who knows. Apartment complexes see so many people come in and out over time, and at least some of those people will probably leave something behind.

Have you ever wondered if your house was haunted? or had nightmares because you thought your house was haunted? >> I’ve lived in an apartment I’ve felt was also occupied by something else.

Have you ever been in the attic? >> No attic.

Is your basement creepy? >> No basement.

Do you believe in ghosts? >> Not particularly, but I’m always willing to entertain the concept.

Do you like ghost stories? >> Sure, some of them.

Do you believe the spirit realm is real? >> I think there’s probably many dimensions to existence.

Do you believe in.... evolution? >> Sure.

reincarnation? >> I think a good argument could be made for it. Eastern philosophies about it seem to make sense.

Heaven? >> I can’t fathom it, which makes it difficult to believe in. Other mythological before-/after-/parallel-to-life realms seem more believable to me.

Hell? >> Same as above.

the afterlife? >> I haven’t chosen a permanent stance yet. Generally I subscribe to the “energy of consciousness is transmuted into something else, and memory does not survive the transmutation” theory of consciousness, so the afterlife wouldn’t really work with that.

salvation? >> From what, though? I don’t think there’s anything in my life I need salvation from, so it seems kinda useless as a concept, personally.

ghosts? >> Eh.

angels? >> Already discussed.

demons? >> ^

fairies? >> Yeah, maybe.

mermaids? >> Mm.

genies? >> Again, if djinn are around, I’m avoiding them.

nymphs? >> I don’t know.

gnomes? >> Hmm. 

aliens? >> Sure.

Santa Claus? >> I believe in the mythical figure of many names and various cultures that got sanitised into Santa Claus for our current version of Christmas.

Mother Nature? >> A world-soul, you mean? Sure, that’s a thing I could believe in. Azeroth has one, after all.

gods and goddesses? >> Yep.

God? >> I don’t know about that god in particular, though. The myth is way too murky for me.

Satan? >> I think if HaShem must exist, then so too must the Adversary. So if I’m going to believe in one, I’d have to believe in the other. They’re a BOGO kind of deal.

Jesus? >> I think Yeshua is one of the coolest mythic figures ever, actually.

The Holy Spirit? >> This is actually easier for me to grok than the Father. The Son’s the easiest, though.

elves? >> Sure, why not.

reindeer? >> There are perfectly natural animals called reindeer, so, I mean.

pixies? >> Hmm.

dinosaurs? >> Sure.

dragons? >> Sure.

prophesy? >> Yeah, maybe. I just don’t really want much to do with it.

premonitions? >> ^

intuition? >> ^

mind reading? >> Nah, mind-reading is pushing it.

speaking in tongues? >> I know it’s a thing people do because I’ve seen people stand right next to me and do it. But I don’t know what it is, and frankly, it’s kind of cool as a mystery.

prayer? >> Sure.

magic? >> Sure.

witches? >> Yep.

villains? >> I guess, yeah.

zombies? >> Mm, nah. Although I guess I can’t completely discredit necromancy. The movie The Serpent and the Rainbow has me pretty convinced, ngl.

werewolves? >> One of my friends is a werewolf.

vampires? >> Another of my friends is a vampire. Well, several of my friends, actually.

satanists? >> Yes, Satanists exist, in a variety of forms (theistic and otherwise).

supernatural healing? >> I mean, hey, maybe. I wouldn’t stop taking medication, though.

miracles? >> Sure, it just depends on your definition of the word.

that we live in an enchanted realm? >> I don’t know, maybe? I’ve no basis for comparison, after all.

that we're in a spiritual battle? >> Eh, I’m not fond of this concept because of the kind of evangelistic folk it’s usually attributed to.

that the book of Revelation is a real prophesy? >> It sure might have been.

that we're in the last days? >> Right now? I mean, here’s the thing about mythic time -- it’s so malleable and often cycle-based that you can point to almost any point in human history and make a very convincing case for that point in history having been a dead ringer for Armageddon. I could definitely point to events right now and make Revelation allegories. But that doesn’t necessarily mean anything -- or it could mean that Armageddon is an allegory for all Endings, including Endings that we as humans experience all the time. That’s the fun thing about mythology, man. It is always relevant.

that Jesus is coming back? >> He’s probably hanging around right now, smoking a bowl in some backyard somewhere. Hey, the Bible only predicted (and vaguely, at that) a Second Coming. They didn’t say anything about a Third, or Fourth, or so on. He could be on his Five Hundred Thousand and Twenty-Second Coming, for all we know.

that the Blood Red Moons are significant? >> Sure, they’re significant if we make them significant. That’s our power as a storytelling species.

astrology? >> Yep, I love astrology.

that the constellations tell the story of something? >> Well, yes. We drew pictures in the sky and used them to tell stories. We made that so.

that everyone is created equal? >> I don’t believe that everyone is created in the first place, which would mean that we couldn’t have possibly been created equal, either. I think it doesn’t matter either way, how we came to be here. We’re here, and the least we can do is treat each other with some fuckin kindness.

that everybody matters? >> That’s kind of impossible. There are way too many people on this planet for everyone to matter to me, or you, or anyone else. I think we do the best we can to think about as many people as possible, but to try too hard to do that means that you’re just going to end up doing more harm than good.

that life isn't fair? >> Sure, because it’s not sapient. Life doesn’t have an idea of “fairness” because it doesn’t have a brain to conceive of that. We do.

that some people who are poor deserve to be rich and some people who are rich deserve to be poor? >> I don’t believe that because it’s completely illogical.

Do you wish karma were real? >> I don’t know if it’s an actual cosmic force or not. I don’t think about it too much.

Do you make a lot of mistakes? >> No more than the average person, I’d imagine.

How long do you think someone should be punished for a mistake they've made? >> That’s not up to me.

Do you think mistakes should be punished at all? >> I’m not into punishment, myself, but I’m just one person. It seems to be a very popular concept with humanity in general.

Do you like mystery, or do you wish you knew everything? >> I really have no desire to know everything. What little peeking beyond the veil that I’ve tried to do has had a vaguely ruinous effect on me, so I figure I’m better off not pushing it.

Would you rather have horns or a tail? >> Horns, please.

Do you believe in unicorns? >> Sure, why not.

Do you wish you could talk to animals? >> I can. We just can’t understand each other, but it’s not all that important to me to be understood by, like, a cat.

Would you rather be a bird or a fish? >> Nah.

Would you rather be reincarnated as a human or something not human? >> I don’t know. “Not human” encompasses such a wide array of possibilities that I couldn’t possibly say no.

Are you happy? >> Generally? I guess, sure.

Who is harassing you/wronging you right now? >> Nobody.

Who is your knight in shining armor? >> Nobody.

Do you want to be rescued? >> From what? No.

Do you feel like you need to be rescued from the life you're living? >> No.

Do you believe in the story of Adam and Eve? >> The same way I believe in all the other Biblical stories, as I’ve expanded upon earlier in the survey. It’s not one of my favourites, though.

What would you like prayer for right now, if anything? >> I’m good.

What do you need right now that you don't have? >> *shrug*

Who was the last person to really hurt you? >> Oh, who knows.

Are you mad at someone right now? hurt? jealous? missing someone? >> Nope.

Are you a good friend? >> I don’t know.

Which fairytale do you relate to the most? >> I’m not sure.

Who is your favorite Disney princess? >> Moana!

Who is your favorite Disney character, besides the princesses? >> Stitch. Or Claude Frollo!

Favorite non-Disney cartoon character? >> I couldn’t even begin to choose.

Have you ever been to Disney World? >> Nope.

If so, would you say it's the most magical place on earth? >> ---

Do you want to go to the Magic Kingdom? >> I mean, sure, why not.

What country do you most want to visit? >> Morocco would be nice. 

What city in the US do you most want to visit before you die? >> Hm.

What country do you live in? >> The US.

If you live in the US, what state do you live in? >> Michigan.

What's your favorite continent besides North America? >> *shrug*

What's your favorite foreign cuisine? (Mexican, Chinese, Thai, etc.) >> Most Asian cuisine.

Have you ever been on a missions trip? >> No, and I’d never go on one. I don’t like the concept.

Have you ever lived in a foreign country? >> Nope.

What is your dream? Do you have anyone who supports you in your dream? >> I don’t think I have one. I’m just livin’.

[voodoochili]

My Favorite Songs of 2020

With nowhere to go and nothing to do in 2020, I had plenty of time to listen to as much music as I could stand. Luckily for me and for everyone else, 2020 supplied an embarrassment of musical riches; the endless creativity of our artists providing necessary emotional support during the Worst Year Ever™.

I’ve compiled my favorite 100 songs of 2020. Again, I limited my selections to only one song per artist, but as you’ll see, I couldn’t quite stick to it this year. Narrowing the list down to 100 was a painful process, with many excellent songs left on the cutting room floor. 

Check below for Spotify playlists

Top 100 Songs of 2020: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3ySKk19paBFgO698vw7HTs?si=-al-SyEsTqWzqKfmEraNFw Best Songs of 2020 (Refined):  https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1ET0aA5TPj5JDsUtosaCVv?si=MyDxjcXKQpy3SNs7dV0wIQ Best Songs of 2020 (Catch-All):  https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0XxtEo0PrNSyZDWBCjJtuR?si=pBZWRoNGSGWBCaqxJrHoyw

Without further ado, my favorite songs of 2020.:

25. Yg Teck - “What You Know”: Yg Teck has one of the more prominent Baltimore accents in rap music, elongating “ooh” sounds and shortening “er” sounds with reckless abandon. “What You Know” is buried towards the end of his excellent mixtape Eyes Won’t Close 2, but it stands out as one of Teck’s strongest songs. The buoyant piano-led beat offers Teck an opportunity to reflect on his struggle with heart-breaking directness: “So what if they hate me, sometimes I hate myself.”

24. Brian Brown - “Runnin” ft. Reaux Marquez:  Filtering the conventions of southern rap through his easy-going drawl and omnivorous musical appetite, Brian Brown is the brightest light in Nashville’s burgeoning hip-hop scene. Built around producer Black Metaphor’s circuitous jazz piano, “Runnin” is a soulful and poetic meditation on breaking out of the staid existence that can creep up on you if you stay still for long enough. Brown serves up the song’s irresistible hook and provides a grounding presence on his second verse, evoking the styles of two Tennessee rap titans: Chattanooga’s Isaiah Rashad and Cashville’s own Starlito.

23. 42 Dugg - “One Of One” ft. Babyface Ray: Detroit producer Helluva’s beats provide the tissue that connects the Motor City with the West Coast, creating anthems that mix D-Town propulsion with soundscapes perfect for a top-down drive down PCH. The Helluva-produced “One Of One” is an electric duet between two of the D’s most distinct voices: low-talking, whistle-happy guest verse god 42 Dugg and nonchalantly fly Babyface Ray. They trade bars throughout the track, weaving between squelches of bass to talk about the ways women have done them wrong.

22. PG Ra & jetsonmade - “Keeping Time”: The phrase “young OG” was invented for guys like PG Ra, who is somehow only 20-years-old. On “Keeping Time,” the South Carolina rapper spits sage-like wisdom about street life over Jetsonmade’s signature trampoline 808s, decrying nihilism and emphasizing the importance of holding strong convictions in a deliberate, raspy drawl: “Oh, you don't give a fuck 'bout nothing, then you damn wrong/Cause every soldier stand for something if he stand strong.”

21. Empty Country - “Marian”: After spending a decade as the main songwriter for Cymbals Eat Guitars, Joseph D'Agostino is an expert at crafting widescreen indie anthems. CEG is no more, but D’Agostino is still doing his thing, opening the self-titled album of his new entity Empty Country with “Marian,” a chiming and heartfelt power ballad with sunny vocal harmonies and a fist-pumping riff. It’s hard to make out the lyrics on the first few spins, but a closer listen reveals some striking imagery (“In a sea of Virginia pines/A burnt bus”), as the narrator imagines the life that lies ahead for his newborn daughter.

20. Raveena - “Headaches”: Raveena’s music is a soothing balm, capable of transforming any negative emotion into peaceful reverie. “Headaches” starts as a sensual, woozy, reverbed-out slow jam–typical Raveena territory, perfect for emphasizing the enlightened sensuality that she exudes in her vocals. The song mutates in its second half into an invigorating bit of dream pop, picking up a ringing guitar riff and a prominent backbeat as Raveena struggles to stay close to the one she loves (“There's no sunset, without you”).

19. Los & Nutty - “I’m Jus Fuckin Around” ft. WB Cash: In which three Detroit emcees receive an instrumental funky enough for ‘90s DJ Quik and proceed to not only not ride the beat but to fight so hard against it you’d think they’re training to get in the ring with Mayweather. I love Michigan rap.

18. Sufjan Stevens - “My Rajneesh”: I’ve never seen Wild Wild Country, or read about Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh and his cult, so I don’t know too much about the subject matter of “My Rajneesh.” I do know, however, that it’s a story that involves crises of faith and the state of Oregon, which means it fits perfectly into Sufjan’s milieu. “My Rajneesh” does an excellent job of relaying the ecstasy of a devout believer, layering celebratory chants, South Asian traditional percussion, and glitchy electronics into a 10-minute epic. As the song progresses, the sonic tapestry grows distorted, mimicking the emptiness that lies beneath Rajneesh’s surface and the darkness and confusion faced by his followers when the illusion fades.

17. Koffee - “Lockdown”: Leave it to rising dancehall superstar Koffee to find ebullient joy in a situation as bleak as quarantine. Weaving around piercing guitar licks and euphoric vocal samples, Koffee schemes to turn her lockdown romance (”quarantine ting”) into a long-term deal, fantasizing about travel with her love even as she’s content to just spend time in her apartment. Everything is dandy as long as they're in the same room.

16. Rio Da Yung OG & Louie Ray - “Movie”: Flint’s answer to Detroit’s “Bloxk Party,” one of the best rap songs of the past decade. Rio and Louie trade verses throughout the song, competing with one another to see who can be the most disrespectful.

Rio’s best line: “Ma don't drink that pop in there, I got purple in it/I know it look like Alka-Seltzer, it's a perky in it”

Louie’s best line: “Let me cut my arms off before I ball, make it fair”

15. Ratboys - “My Hands Grow”: “My Hands Grow” shines like an early-morning sunbeam, hitting that circa-2001 Saddle Creek* sweet spot with aplomb. But “My Hands Grow” is more than just a throwback–it’s an oasis, populated by sweeping acoustic guitars, electric leads with just the right amount of distortion, and especially Julia Steiner’s affectionate vocal, which blooms into gorgeous self-harmonies during the bridge.

*Obligated to add that this song came out before Azure Ray signed to Saddle Creek, but the point stands.

14. J Hus - “Triumph”: J Hus and Jae5 have the kind of telepathic artistic connection and song-elevating chemistry only present in the best rapper-producer pairs. A great example of how their alchemy blurs the lines between genres, “Triumph” is the J Hus/Jae5 version of a boom-bap rap track. Hus rides Jae5’s woodblock-and-horn-accented beat with unassailable confidence, gradually elevating his intensity level as he sprays his unflappable threats. Like most of Hus’s best songs, “Triumph” is home to an irresistible hook, which I can’t help but recite whenever I hear the words “violence,” “silence,” or “alliance” (more often than you think!).

13. Sada Baby - “Aktivated”: Every post-disco classic from the early ‘80s could use a little bit of Sada Baby’s wild-eyed intensity and dextrous flow. On “Aktivated,” Sada runs roughshod atop Kool & The Gang’s ‘81 classic “Get Down On It,” turning it into an irresistible and danceable anthem about going dumb off a Percocet. Sada is a master of controlled chaos, modulating his voice from a simmer to a full-throated yell within the space of a single bar. It really makes lines like “Coochie made me cry like Herb in the turtleneck” pop.

12. Yves Tumor - “Kerosene!”: Prince is one of the most-imitated artists on the planet, but while most artists can only grasp at his heels, Yves Tumor’s “Kerosene!” reaches a level of burning passion and sexual literacy that would make The Purple One proud. A duet with Diana Gordon, “Kerosene!” is a desperate plea for connection, each duet partner thinking that a passionate dalliance might cure the emptiness inside. The song vamps for five minutes, filled with guitar pyrotechnics and moaning vocals, its extended runtime and gradual comedown consigning the partners to a futile search for a self-sustaining love that won’t burn itself out when the passion fades.

11. Special Interest - “Street Pulse Beat”: “Street Pulse Beat” sounds like “Seven Nation Army,” as performed by post-punk legends Killing Joke. It’s a strutting, wild, propulsive anthem–part come-on, part self-actualization, all-powerful. Dominated by an insistent industrial beat and the fiery vocals of frontperson Alli Logout, whose performance more than lives up to the song’s grandiose lyrics (““I go by many names such as Mistress, Goddess, Allah, Jah, and Jesus Christ”), “Street Pulse Beat” was the song released this year that made me miss live music the most. 

10. Megan Thee Stallion - “Savage” (Remix) ft. Beyonce: The first-ever collaboration between these two H-Town royals was the most quotable song of the year, firing off hot lines and memorable moments with an effortless majesty. Megan does her thing, bringing classy, bougie, and ratchet punchlines about the men who grovel at her feet, but it’s who Beyoncé elevates the track to transcendence. She prances around the outskirts of Megan’s verses, applying the full force of her lower register to her ad-libs (“THEM JEANS”), and during her verses, the Queen proves once again that you can count the number of rappers better than her on your fingers.

9. DJ Tunez - “Cool Me Down” ft. Wizkid: WizKid is almost alarmingly prolific, releasing enough amazing songs per year that he would be a worthy subject of his own “best-of” list. My favorite WizKid song of 2020 didn’t come from his excellent album Made In Lagos–instead it was this team-up with Brooklyn-based DJ Tunez. A favored collaborator of WizKid (Tunez is partially responsible for career highlights like 2019’s “Cover Me” and 2020’s “PAMI”), Tunez’s organic and textured approach to Afrobeats is an excellent fit for his voice, mixing swelling organs, 808 blocks, and the occasional stab of saxophone into a percolating concoction. The “Starboy” rises to the occasion, hypnotically repeating phrases in English and Yoruba, making octave-sized leaps in his vocal register, and stretching syllables like taffy as he sings the praises of his lady love.

8. Sorry - “Rock ‘n’ Roll Star”: Part swaggering indie anthem and part skronking no wave, “Rock ‘n’ Roll Star” struts with the woozy confidence of someone who’s had just the right amount to drink. It’s the ideal throwback to late L.E.S. (or Shoreditch) nights, sung with irresistible gang vocals on the chorus and a detached sneer on the verse that jibes with the sinister undertones of the deliberately off-key backing track.

7. Destroyer - “Cue Synthesizer”: As Dan Bejar ages, he becomes less like a singer and more like a shaman, his incantatory near-spoken word verses grounding his band’s instrumental heroics. On “Cue Synthesizer,” Bejar plays the role of conjurer, summoning synthesizers and electric guitars in celebration of music’s ability to breathe life into modern mundanity.

6. Chloe x Halle - “Do It”: Pillow-soft R&B that walks the fine line between retro and futuristic, powered by the Bailey Sisters’ playfully twisty melodies and sumptuous production from a somewhat unexpected source. That’s right, piano man Scott Storch took a break from smoking blunts with Berner to deliver his smoothest beat since he teamed with Chloe x Halle mentor Beyoncé for “Me Myself & I” in 2003.

5. Fireboy DML - “ELI”: Nigeria singer Fireboy DML is an unabashed fan of ‘90s adult contemporary, worshipping idols (‘90s Elton John, Celine Dion) that even some devout poptimists wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole. A modern-day retelling of the Biblical fable of Samson and Delilah, “ELI” seems to take inspiration from Ace of Base’s “All That She Wants,” its rocksteady beat, wobbling bassline, snake-charming flute, and “lonely girl, lonely world” lyrics recalling the 1994 Swedish pop smash. It’s a testament to Fireboy’s charisma and melodic mastery that “ELI” is as invigorating as “All That She Wants” is annoying. He switches from playful flirtation on the verse, to hopeless devotion on the chorus, to lascivious swagger on the bridge, gently ratcheting up the intensity in his vocals until the song’s climactic guitar solo* grants glorious release. *The build-up on “ELI” is so great that it makes it easy to ignore that the guitar solo itself is a mess. It sounds like the producers couldn’t get Carlos Santana, so they settled for Andre 3000 instead. 

4. The Beths - “Dying To Believe”: If you’ve ever audibly cringed while thinking about something you’ve said or done in the past, The Beths have the song for you. Carried by its driving backbeat, “Dying To Believe” chronicles singer Liz Stokes’s rumination on a crumbling friendship, her fear of confrontation preventing her from removing her toxic friend from her life. Though the lyric is pained and uncertain, there’s no such lack of confidence in the music. An adrenaline rush of muscular, sugary power pop, “Dying To Believe” is an immaculate construction, each fuzzy guitar riff arriving with mathematical precision and each “whoa-oh” chorus hitting like a ton of bricks. Jump Rope Gazers might not have been as consistent as the Auckland, NZ band’s self-titled debut, but “Dying To Believe” is as good as anything on that album and helps solidify The Beths’ deserved reputation as some of the best songwriters and tightest performers on either side of the International Date Line. 

3. The 1975 - “What Should I Say”/“If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)”: I know, I know. I was supposed to only pick one song per artist, but sue me, this is my list and I just could not decide between these two. The 1975 have always balanced their affinity for ‘80s-style pop anthems with an interest in experimental electronic music. In 2020, they released the two very best songs of their career, each seemingly fitting into one of those two boxes. On its face, “If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)” is the band’s transparent attempt at recording their own “Everybody Wants To Rule The World”–it’s in D Major, it has a chugging backbeat, an echoing two-chord riff in the verse, and an ascending E Minor progression in the pre-chorus. Where the Tears For Fears classic takes a birds-eye look at the yuppie generation, Matty Healy uses his song’s swelling bombast and gleefully cheesy sax solo to explore the awkward intimacy of cyber sex. The burbling Eno-style synth that opens up “If You’re Too Shy” evokes a dial-up connection, simulating the thrill of discovery felt by those whose only connection to the outside world comes through their screens.

“What Should I Say,” meanwhile, combines Boards Of Canada-esque bloops with bassline that strongly resembles Mr. Fingers’ oft-sampled “Mystery Of Love”, over which Healy sings in a heavily-manipulated voice that sounds like the lovechild of Travis Scott and Sam Smith. Fittingly for a song about loss for words, the best moments of  “What Should I Say” spring from vocal manipulations, imparting more emotional resonance than mere words could ever hope to provide. The final minute of “What Should I Say” is almost tear-jerkingly beautiful, as a single computerized voice cuts through cacophony, determined to let the world know how it feels, language be damned.

2. King Von - “Took Her To The O”: His career was far too short, but King Von had plenty of chances to demonstrate his god-given storytelling ability before he passed away in November. Accompanied by regular collaborator Chopsquad DJ’s chaotic, circular pianos, Von recounts an eventful night in his home neighborhood of O’Block. Von’s gripping narrative is packed with writerly detail (“Nine missed calls, three of them from ‘Mom,’ other six say ‘Duck’”), peeking into his justifiably paranoid state-of-mind (“My Glock on my lap, I'm just thinkin' smart”) and ending with a smirk on a bit of gallows humor that recalls prime Ghostface. Long Live Von.

1.  Bob Dylan - “I’ve Made Up My Mind To Give Myself to You”: It’s impossible to escape that 2020 was a year of mass devastation, on a scale not seen in American life since the second World War. In the midst of the cascading chaos of this year, I married my best friend. So it’s fitting that the song that resonated most with me this year was “Throat Baby (Go Baby)” by BRS Kash.

*Ahem* Excuse me. It was a love song, and not just any love song: the finest love song of Bob Dylan’s six-decade, Nobel Prize-winning career. 

Bob Dylan spent much of the 2010s trying his hand at the Great American Songbook, applying his craggy croon to standards made famous by Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra. It felt like a weird turn for such an iconoclastic figure, one known for his massive (and valuable) library of originals. “I’ve Made Up My Mind To Give Myself To You” proves that Bob’s covers and Christmas albums weren’t larks or cash grabs, but an old dog’s attempt to learn new tricks by digging into the past.

“IMUMMTGMTY” shares a lot of DNA with “The Way You Look Tonight” and “I’ve Got You Under My Skin,” bringing florid metaphors and touching pledges of devotion, but it also inherently understands that love is a decision–a weighty decision that imparts great responsibility–as much as it’s a feeling. What really makes “IMUMM” sing is the tastefully folksy arrangement, which ties into the old weird America explored by Dylan’s compadres in The Band, filled with bright Telecaster leads and easily-hummed choruses. And the lyrics are excellent even by Bob’s elevated standards. It turns me into a puddle every time I listen. I’ll let Bob take it from here:

Well, my heart's like a river, a river that sings Just takes me a while to realize things I've seen the sunrise, I've seen the dawn I'll lay down beside you when everyone's gone

Here’s the rest of the list. Check back later this week for my albums list!

26. Katie Gately - “Waltz” 27. Bonny Light Horseman - “Bonny Light Horseman” 28. Bullion - “Hula” 29. Omah Lay - “Lo Lo” 30. Greg Dulli - “Sempre” 31. Fiona Apple - “Shameika” 32. Anjimilie - “Your Tree” 33. Key Glock - “Look At They Face” 34. Lido Pimienta - “Te Queria” 35. Morray - “Quicksand” 36. Obongjayar - “10K” 37. Xenia Rubinos - “Who Shot Ya?” 38. Kiana Lede - “Protection” 39. Flo Milli - “Weak” 40. G.T. - “What You Gon Do” 41. Chris Crack - “Hoes At Trader Joe’s” 42. Lil Baby - “The Bigger Picture” 43. The Orielles - “Memoirs of Miso” 44. Shoreline Mafia - “Change Ya Life” 45. Masego - “Mystery Lady” ft. Don Toliver 46. Junglepussy - “Out My Window” ft. Ian Isiah 47. Siete Gang Yabbie - “Gift Of Gab” 48. Rosalía - “Juro Que” 49. Black Noi$e - “Mutha Magick” ft. BbyMutha 50. BFB Da Packman - “Free Joe Exotic” ft. Sada Baby 51. Andras - “Poppy” 52. Lianne La Havas - “Weird Fishes” 53. Crack Cloud - “Tunnel Vision” 54. Lil Uzi Vert - “No Auto” ft. Lil Durk 55. Fred again… - “Kyle (I Found You)” 56. Burna Boy - “Wonderful” 57. Lonnie Holliday - “Crystal Doorknob” 58. Mozzy - “Bulletproofly” 59. Tiwa Savage - “Koroba” 60. Frances Quinlan - “Your Reply” 61. Ariana Grande - “my hair” 62. Bad Bunny - “Safaera” ft. Jowell & Randy & Ñengo Flow 63. Yhung T.O. & DaBoii - “Forever Ballin” 64. Katie Pruitt - “Out Of The Blue” 65. Sleepy Hallow - “Molly” ft. Sheff G 66. Niniola - “Addicted” 67. Prado - “STEPHEN” 68. Drakeo The Ruler - “GTA VI” 69. Boldy James - “Monte Cristo” 70. Caribou - “Like I Loved You” 71. Andy Shauf - “Living Room” 72. Hailu Mergia - “Yene Mircha” 73. Kabza de Small & DJ Maphorisa - “eMcimbini” ft Aymos, Samthing Soweto, Mas Musiq 74. Gunna - “Dollaz On My Head” ft. Young Thug 75. Roddy Ricch - “The Box” 76. The Lemon Twigs - “Hell On Wheels” 77. Sun-El Musician - “Emoyeni” ft. Simmy & Khuzani 78. Madeline Kenney - “Sucker” 79. Natanael Cano - “Que Benedicion” 80. ShooterGang Kony - “Jungle” 81. Don Toliver - “After Party” 82. Chicano Batman - “Color my life” 83. Pa Salieu - “Betty” 84. Chubby & The Gang - “Trouble (You Were Always On My Mind)” 85. Dua Lipa - “Love Again” 86. Rucci - “Understand” ft. Blxst 87. Skilla Baby - “Carmelo Bryant” ft. Sada Baby 88. Bartees Strange - “Boomer” 89. Jessie Ware - “Read My Lips” 90. The Hernandez Bros. & LUSTBASS - “At The End Of Time” 91. Brokeasf - “How” ft. 42 Dugg 92. Mulatto - “No Hook” 93. Eddie Chacon - “Outside” 94. Veeze - “Law N Order” 95. Polo G - “33” 96. Bktherula - “Summer” 97. Jessy Lanza - “Anyone Around” 98. Perfume Genius - “On The Floor” 99. ComptonAssTg - “I’m Thuggin’” 100. Mario Judah - “Die Very Rough”

Honorable Mentions: Jamila Woods - “SULA (Paperback)” Demae - “Stuck In A Daze” ft. Ego Ella May Good Sad Happy Bad - “Bubble” Guerilla Toss - “Human Girl” Kaash Paige - “Grammy Week” ft. Don Toliver Kre8 & CJ Santana - “Slide!” Laura Veirs - “Another Space & Time” Angelica Garcia - “Jicama” Malome Vector - “Dumelang” ft. Blaq Diamond OMB Bloodbath - “Dropout” ft. Maxo Kream SahBabii - “Soulja Slim” Shabason, Krgovich & Harris - “Friday Afternoon” Skillibeng - “Mr. Universe” Waxahatchee - “Fire” Westerman - “Float Over”

[ninequestions9]

Steve, 88, Retired Public Service Worker

What is the biggest frustration you’re facing now?

Sometimes being blind, I’m being dismissed. I do 99% of stuff myself. The only thing I can’t do is take a shower. I dress myself, I wash myself. The amount of stress that’s involved in a place like this (nursing home) is unbelievable. Unless you’re living in a place like this, you really have no idea. Most of the time with the older people they say “Well, my family dumped me here.” We know that’s not true, but I guess in some cases it might be. If that’s not the case, then the visits from family are too infrequent. I remember sitting out in the lobby and in each one of the corners there was a different family from a different ethnic group. The four families were so full of laughter! The thing that really got to me was that the main speaker in each group was the person that was being visited. They had an opportunity to talk and they just rambled on and on. That really did my heart good.

2. What trait do you wish you most had?

I think I’m getting it now. It took all these years to get it, but self esteem. Especially when I’m talking to young people, self esteem is so important. High school is a very difficult time for many people. One of my favorite lyrics from a country western song is “Some girls don’t like boys like me, but ah, some girls do.” I tell that to boys and girls. I’m already thinking about my next life. I believe in reincarnation. Already I’m planning for it. I’m starting to play the piano and I’m going to get a guitar. In my next life I want to be a world renowned entertainer. Music just brings out joy in me. You may have been happy sometimes, but until you’ve experienced joy you really don’t know. You don’t know what’s happening! You can’t speak! Most of the time I use the F-word. That’s what’s important to me, joy. As usual I go ranting off and I forget what I was saying.

    I was so afraid of rejection. My high school graduation was my worst social event of my life. I didn’t ask anyone to the dance. My mother was working with someone who’s daughter was 15 or 16. They hooked us up and we went and it was terrible. They had a contest at the senior prom. Guess who was voted king and queen. Me and the girl.

    I want to be the best entertainer in my next life, but I also want to be able to tell stories. Story telling is a tremendous science. My next door neighbor was going to Princeton University for telling stories.

3. What are 3 characteristics you look for in a friend?

Trust. Truth. Just to be there, just to listen, and allow me to be a friend of theirs also. I like someone who’s a friend to me, but I like being a friend to others as well.

4. What makes you feel brave?

Bravery’s not something that you really think about. When you have courage, you don’t know you have it you just have to use it. It’s when someone that you love is in need. We’re hardwired for somethings. We don’t need to think about them we just do it. Bravery is one of those. Like now, I felt brave just a little while ago. I was going to leave (the dinner event at the nursing home). If I can’t sit with my ex-girlfriend….she gave me a call and said her son and daughter-in-law are going to come, and they invited me to sit with them. When I arrived, they said this and that about me not sitting with them, so I said if that’s going to be the case then I’ll leave. I made a decision and I stuck with it. Seeing things through is brave.

5. What makes you feel vulnerable?

I can’t tell you what a happy guy I am. I stop and I cry at times. I think of my kids. It’s a long story, but my daughters haven’t spoken to me in a long time or had a meaningful conversation. Their mom died a tragic death and money was involved, that kind of thing. I’m not angry with them. I was more pissed off about not being able to sit with my ex-girlfriend.

    At this day and age, I have a feeling that I believe in what I believe in. I believe in another life. I see what music has done for me. I hear a note and I just break out in tears. I talk to God in a different way. I talk to God like I’m talking to you. Vulnerable to me is not being able to do something to help someone else. If someone needs some money and you can’t help them out. Those are the things that make me feel vulnerable that I can’t do something like that.

6. What was your proudest moment?

When my wife and I were living in a single house, down in the cellar was a concrete floor with a dish washer and other garbage. My wife would wash and dry the clothes like 24 hours a day. She had that ringer type washing machine where you put your hands in there and your hands get all red. One night I just felt so vulnerable because I couldn’t help her, so I took it upon myself to work all the over time I could and I got a nice check. I said to me wife “Let’s go! I’m going to buy you a washer and dryer!” Even now I’m still proud! The way that felt! I was so fuckin’ proud. That’s the one I think of.

7. Who is your role model / hero and why?

Women come to my mind. What they’ve done. Like my wife, the one that died in a tragic accident. What she had to go through raising the kids. I would have to say her and I wasn’t always a nice guy. I cheated on her. After 30 something years. She closed the door on me and I can’t blame her. I always wanted to go out and learn. I wanted to meet people. What she had to put up with, I don’t know another women that had to do what she did. She did a good job. She was 16 years old when she got pregnant. I was 19. I was going off to the Korean War. The day before I was going over seas, my girlfriend and I went to take a ride and we wound up stuck in the mud by Fort Dix. Then one thing led to another and the first time we ever had sex together she became pregnant. When I went over seas, I found out and I came back and we got married. Then I converted to Catholicism. I’m happy with my wife and what she did and how she did it and how the kids ended up.

8. What is one life lesson you’d like to pass down to future generations?

Always be yourself. Always put yourself first. Always put yourself first when you make a decision. Always go with your feelings. Two things you must have complete control over: your money is number one. Don’t let anyone control your money. Not your husband or anyone else. The second thing is your body. I tell that to guys and girls, not just the girls.

9. What is your opinion of Jesus?

I’m not an advocate of organized religion. I don’t have an opinion. I make observations. When you have an opinion you always have to end up defending it. The best thing I ever did for my kids was take them out of catholic school and put them in public school. When they went to catholic school they felt like they were prisoners. My son came to me one time and said “Dad I want to have a earring.” I said “I don’t care if you put it in your nose. Just be yourself.” They all ended up that way. They all had to be let loose. My son was a star basketball player at Woodbridge High School. He got a scholarship to Princeton, got his PhD. The kids used to have parties and so a mom was telling me about one of these parties at her house. She came down in the basement to the party just to let the kids know the parents were home and she said to me, “Steve guess who was the only kid who stood up when the parent entered the room. Your son.” It’s the little things like that. When they were in a room, they were awesome. They were bright, friendly, good looking, smart.

    Jesus lived. That’s a fact. I’ve always had a problem with this “The only son of God.” I’m reading a story now from a spiritual entity. It’s a 35,000 year old guy who is speaking through channel in a woman. I listened to an interview with five of these different religious guys and they were all plagiarizing each other. They all do the same thing. If you find one that’s different let me know. Two things: they keep you fearful and they keep you ignorant. If you don’t do this, you’re going to go to hell. What about hell? There is no hell. Hell was a figure of speech a thousand years ago. When someone died and didn’t have money for a grave, they dug a shallow grave and that was hell. During the night the wild dogs came and devoured the bodies. There’s not hell. There’s no devil. But I know Jesus and he and I are buddies. I think about us both sitting on a bench and I call him my brother. At the Big Bang, God created everybody. Everything’s already been done. The future’s already been laid out. God created little flickers of light and each flicker of light was a soul. He created an unknown number of souls. I believe in Christ’s teaching. I don’t believe this stuff about the only son of God.

    My wide was having her fifth child. I was on strike for seven weeks. We had nothing. So who are we going to go to? We’re going to go to God. We went to this woman for help. She said “Hold up. Why did you buy these encyclopedias? Why did you do this?” I said “Sister, I need help. I’ll pay you back.” But guess what! The catholic welfare bill turned me down! Can you imagine? I have four little kids and a pregnant wife. I’ve met a lot of people and asked a lot of questions and many many people feel the same way about organized religion.

[thedoctorisadhd]

what's once on this island about?

i hope ur happy anon, bc this took me literally like six hours im not exaggerating even a little

short answer: so u take the original plot of the littlest mermaid and u plunk it down rIGHT in the middle of 1920s haiti, right

long answer (like, REALLY long answer. like REALLY long. im sorry i dont know how to summarize when there are so many good things):

“there is an island where rivers run deep…”

“where the sea, sparkling in the sun, earns it the name, ‘jewel of the antilles.’”

“an island where the poorest of peasants labor —”

“— and the wealthiest of the grand hommes lay.”

“two different worlds on one island!”

“the grand hommes, owners of the land and masters of their own fates.”

“and the peasants, eternally at the mercy of the wind and sea, would pray constantly to the gods.”

those are the four storytellers, beginning the play. lydia started the first line, then abby, then dori, then natalie, and repeat.

(oh yeah, also this is the jr version. also, i dont know everything bc i was backstage the majority of the time)

so the gods that the beach people / peasants are dancing to, theres 4 of them. asaka (played by lavanya in our production) is the goddess of the earth, erzulie (played by luke who’s closeted, so i change it to a god, erzulio) beautiful goddess of love. agwe (played by ian) is the god of the sea, and papa ge (eli, of course, and it’s literally pronounced papa gay), my personal favorite, is the sly demon of death

and this is all described in the first number “we dance”

stay tuned yo it gets better.

(its so good. dont ever listen to any version besides the chatham one i can guarantee you that any non-eli papa ge, any non-luke erzulie / erzulio, any non-lavanya asaka, any non-ian agwe, any non-lydia / dori / abby / natalie storyteller will not be as good)

so basically theres this storm, and in this storm is a little girl and the gods are like “no papa ge we’re not killing her you fuck” and they irresponsibly plunk her down in a tree

and so tonton julien (ben) and mama euralie (izzy) come along & are like “holy shit a kid” (and this girl is crying her eyes out of course bc as mr adam creatively put it to the girl who played young ti moune, “you were just dropped in a tree by some randos you’ve never seen before in your entire life”) but like theyre poor and dont have a lotta food and shit so they try to leave but the gods, showing some small modicum of responsibility, like, use the force to pull them back. so these peasants adopt ti moune and name her ti moune and theres a whole big number about her growing up called “one small girl” which i quite like actually

then ti moune is grown up (sammie) and she sings about like “whats my destiny yo” all naive in “waiting for life” and sees a car which is a big ol lead-in to the next number. which brings us to

so in the beginning of “rain” theres this HILARIOUS section of dialogue with the gods picking mangos and here it is bc i cant not include it man

asaka: 🎵 pick a mango! 🎵

agwe: 🎵 a juicy mango! 🎵

erizulie: 🎵 a lovely mango! 🎵

papa ge, being Himself: 🎶 a poison mango! 😈 🎶

[all of the other gods look at papa ge]

anyway, after that theyre all proposing things to do to get ti moune less naive, with such wonderful suggestions from these dumbasses as “splash her with a wave” and “scare her half to death”. and then erzulie is like “yeah u do that imma give her what she wants bye” and the other gods are like “????????????” and shes just like “You Heard Me” and just goes like “Love Can Conquer Anything!!!!!!! :)))))))) ❤️💞💕💚💛💙💜💝💘💗💖❣️” and papa ge is like “that’s bullshit this whole thing is bullshit that’s a scam fuck the love here’s like two reasons why” and they argue (and asaka remarks that this is “more amusing than mangos”) and the gods are all “HMMMM🤔🤔” and then they all go “A BET!”

and the gods all start like pitching in to set up this bet, so like erzulie gives her strength and asaka’s gonna guide her but then papa ge interrupts like “IM GONNA MAKE HER CHOOSE” and then johnny boy i mean ian i mean agwe then calls dibs on choosing the circumstances of the bet

and u remember that car right? well ian agwe is like “that. thats the place where the 2 worlds meet” and he creates a big ol storm and in the song he says (one of my favorite lines, actually) “rain makes the road such a dangerous place” (he did amazing in that song but i feel kinda bad bc like. he was overshadowed by the other gods who are all incredible singers, and parts of it were too low for him. like, eli can sing as high as he did, but ian really cant sing that low)

also they used the fish flags from the seussical two years ago when sammie’s sister sidne played the cat in the hat. i always found it hilarious that dori of all people they couldve chosen played a fish

ANYWAY. so the car is goin down the road and crash oh no a car accident. totally not what agwe was (shot)gunning for

and so ti moune pulls this guy outta the car right, and — by the way, now we’re in this super intense number called “pray” — and this song is real fuckin good alright.

my opinion upon this is based almost solely on the fact that within the first like ten lines of this epically long song a peasant, talking about the guy that got pulled outta the car (daniel, that’s his name), says, literally: “papa ge wants him!” i will remind you that papa ge is pronounced “papa gay” and what makes it even more astronomically fuckin funny is that both hank, the guy that played daniel, and eli, who as u may know played papa ge, are mlm.

anyway no one wants to help daniel even tho he’s Actively Dying bc Fuck The Grand Hommes, Am I Right Guys We Cant Do Anything Were Peasants And There Is Sanctity That We Must Never Talk To Look At Or Think About A Single Grand Homme, Ever™ but ti mounes gonna help him bc Fuck You Guys and she keeps him alive while tonton julien goes to find the guys family after she’s Finally persuaded the guy to do this

and ti moune doesnt sleep for Three Fucken Days by the way. thats important in the next number

also daniel is supposed to be good looking so of course ti moune Falls In Love With Him despite never having seen him before in her entire life, and also hes unconcious the Whole time. i dont understand the heterosexuals

anyway, tonton juliens at the gate to daniels family hotel and he’s like “pls let me in i need to speak to monsieur beausome!” and the gatekeepers like “get the fuck away my guy” and hes like “no but its urgent!!” and the gatekeeper SLAPS BEN [LAST NAME REDACTED]*

so ben i mean tonton recovers and like seriously gets down on his knees and begs and the gatekeeper is still like “FUCK! NO!” and then ben fucking [last name redacted]* SCREAMS SAVAGELY “I HAVE FOUND HIS SON!” HOO BOY

and then at the end of pray you hear a long high note and then one specific girl takes it HIGHER ????????? idk who it is for sure but im willing to put my money on lavanya bc jesus christ can that girl sing

*people always say bens full name when referring to him for some reason, so it’s not ben bc which ben? it’s not ben b. it’s ben [last name redacted].

so pray goes ge STRAIGHT into forever yours. not the reprise, thats later.

so. forever yours. in a STUNNING turn of events (sarcasm. absolutely the least stunning thing after the whole “papa gay wants him” in pray), the VERY fucking FIRST LINE IN THIS WHOLE FUCKING STUPID HEARTFELT SONG is literally ti moune saying “i am a tree, holding away the storm”. are you fucking serious. are you kidding me. you waste the first line on that monstrosity,

anyway basically what happens in this is ti moune is singing about tending to daniel here it is

i am a tree holding away the stormhere in my arms i’ll keep u safe and warmeven the gods wont dare to cross this linewhere my life is forever yoursand you are mine

and on that last word, “mine”, papa ge joins in and it is fuckin CHILLING, not LEAST bc eli has the voice of a fuckin angel (and sammie too, but i think eli’s is just slightly better)

so eli stalks in and the first thing papa ge does, in a True demonstration of the gay / ge agenda, is Drag The Het.

(then he goes on to say “this boy is mine”)

so eli’s also got a knife (a fake one) and this is another Important Thing so yeah

anyway sammie ti moune should “TAKE MINE FOR HIS.” (her life she meant) and papa ge is SHOOK. he just … stops. “wot”

so yeah. ti moune, in one of The most IMPRESSIVE displays of heterosexual tomfoolery and ridiculousness i have Yet Seen (scene), trades her life for this Complete Fuckin Stranger she pulled out of the car wreck whomst has not as of yet spoken a Single word to her bc HE’S BEEN UNCONSCIOUS THE WHOLE TIME!?

and heres another good line, the first gay daddy nico diangelo himself eli papa gay papa ge has had since “wot”: i am the road / leading to no return

(and this is also where eli goes REALLY high. like not for basically everyone else, but for him)

then daniels two dads apparently, grant and hugh, pick him up and take him back to the hotel and ti moune is like “NOOOOOOO” and makes mama and tonton let her leave to go find daniel, and frankly i am not very interested in this specific part of the song so fuck that i skipped it lmao lets get to lavanyas fuckin SOLO

alright. “mama will provide”. exactly what it says on the tin, taking it into account that asaka would be mother earth i guess

really all this one is is lavanya’s fuckin angelic voice and What Exists In Nature, and i cant very well put lavanya’s voice down on the page for yinz to hear can i? the only notable thing i can really think of besides this next piece a dialogue  will share w u is in the beginning theres a bunch of ensemble doing weird repeating acapella and some hopping in like frogs. “COO COO coo coo cOO COO COOO” “SHAH shaSHA-ah” “buuuuu BUM! BUM! bum” its sounds slightly weirder than it is

anyway here’s the best dialogue:

everyone: MOSQUITOS??

asaka: HA!

ACT TWO HERE WE FUCKIN GO ALRIGHT

ok, so ti moune finds daniel who doesnt know who she is bc, you know, he was unconscious the entire time. she gets him to know she was the one who nursed him tho. and they go to the front of the stage and ti moune sits and daniel puts his head on her lap. again, poor hank

now, “human heart”. jesus. i have literally cried over this song.

so erzulie goes out on stage to where hank is slowly suffering, probably, and sings this GODS DAMN BEAUTIFUL SONG about like, love n shit i guess. the storytellers and the other three gods act as a sort of choir. that’s pretty much all there is to say about human heart tho. moving on

ok so for “pray (reprise)” the gossipers (which are apparently supposed to be the storytellers, but fuck that thats lame, give my Cool Hoes lianna and taylor parts tbh) go out on stage and sing about how daniel is spending all his time w a peasant and shes a witch and yadda yadda yadda. and then theres some lame romance shit that i dont have fuckin time for

anyway, the song culminates with daniel’s father comin out on stage (lmao). which father, u ask? he had two of em? well that was grant and hugh, this one’s iain. conclusion: daniel has three polyamorous gay dads. this is the gayest production of a play ive ever seen. i mean papa ge? “papa ge wants him”? the fact that tonton means uncle so mama euralie and tonton julien arent married? “this boy is mine” coming from daddy gay himself? the fact that daniels last name means beautiful man? the “beautiful god of love” (as luke said, refusing to misgender himself in his introduction U GO LUKE)? the fact that out of the main cast (the 4 gods, the 4 storytellers, daniel, ti moune, andrea, mama euralie, and tonton julien) there are literally eight (8) actors who Arent straight (id bet that two others arent str8 and or / cis as well but im not sure)? just change daniel to danielle and itll be perfect

ayway daniel’s 3rd dad comes out on stage and tells him to stop this nonsense, young man ANYWAY NEXT SONG

in “some girls” the rich guys at the hotel all are doing a really lame colorless boring dance. then this girl andrea (ava) comes out and sings about the rumors about ti moune, that she’s stupid or wild, and daniel tells her to stop, then ti moune arrives and andrea really condescendingly asks her to dance for everyone and daniel encourages ti moune

so ti moune does a slow lame dance and then it gets loud and wild and fun! then when she’s done andrea goes to daniel and is like “she’s in love with you you oblivious fuck if you care at all you’ll tell her —” (unclear about what he’s caring about) and andrea is interrupted by ti moune who’s like “HI I HEARD MY NAME WHATCHA WANT ANDREA” and daniel goes and breaks her fuckin heart right

how he does this is he’s like “oops sorry i thought u would realize that we could never marry bc andrea and i are already engaged (since we were babies)”. daniel demonstrates an amazing amount of calmness about being forced to marry this girl he’s known all his life, and an incredible amount of insensitiveness bc TI MOUNE WAS NEVER FUCKIN TOLD THAT HE WAS ENGAGED. honestly i loathe literally every single character in this play except for the gods and the storytellers lmao

OK NOW FOR MY FAVORITE FUCKIN ONE WOW :~)

the reprise of forever mine.

so. ti moune is alone on stage and she goes like “gods please are u listening help me” and then. u hear. eli’s fucking amazing evil laugh and the gay himself appears

and he’s like u gotta keep ur promise ti moune im here to collect on that Soul

did i mention elis voice is beautiful? no i dont care, im sayin it again, eli [last name redacted] has the voice of an angel

anyway he’s like “u gave him ur soul, now u have to PAY” (the line he used here is “i am the price you’ll pay” and that sounds cool as shit)

and so “father homosexual,” as he was dubbed by luke, takes out his knife and sings “your life is forever mine” and holds the knife to ti mounes neck and ti moune yells “PLEASE DONT” and and and

he stops.

“trade your life for his.”

so papa ge gives her the knife and tells her to go stab daniel and he sings “i am the road that leads to no return” as he walks to the left side of the stage, and erzulie appears at the right side and sings human heart as papa ge continues with his verse from the first forever mine as ti moune struggles towards and away from daniel, straining, being pulled by opposite forces, love and death, and the two unite in singing “forever mine!” and ti moune casts the knife to the floor and screams “NO!”

and the music stops

and daniel sees the knife and picks it up

and says “why?!”

(fuckin bitch shoulda stabbed him when she had the chance)

and ti moune gets cast out and like, withers away at the gate neither eating nor sleeping, and then daniel comes to the gate with andrea at his wedding and sees ti moune and gives her a coin when she runs after him, and she collapses and the gods, sOMEHOW GAINING SOME MINISCULE VIEW OF THE CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR FUCKIN ACTIONS, all start CRYING. (erzulie won the bet) and erzulie hugs ti moune and papa ges probably off somewhere feeling sorry for himself bc you cant fuckin see him in the footage (nah, he’s off at the side of the stage with the other two gods neither of whomst you can see either), and mama euralie comes to sing this sad and pretty number “part of us” and then tonton and baby ti moune arrive as well for some fuckin reason,

and mama euralie says,

“and then the gods blessed her and turned her into —”

and then the gods hit their staffs on the floor (ian a bit gentlier bc his was falling apart bc he wouldnt stop fucking licking the fucking ribbons, ian) “a tree!”

and the tree comes up, forwards this time thankfully (phew) and and the tree fuckin cracks the walls of the hotel, get rekt scrubs, and the tree fuckin stalks daniel i guess, and daniels son sits by the tree and looks up and theres a peasant girl in its branches, and ti moune touches everyones hearts and also their livers, and everyone starts singing “why we tell the story”

also, fun story real quick, ive never actually seen eli dab i dont think (that’s something i need to accomplish real soon), and the dance he went off to the side and did with like, lydia, and agwe and ben [last name redacted] and daniels son and hugh — i guess all the boys in musical theater and also lydia, and the dance they have to do looks pretty damn like dabbing, and like, eli’s holding his staff so he cant do a true dab, really, but he can do a one armed one — but no. his dancing looks more like fuckin waving. ben [last name redacted] is dabbing, daniels son is dabbing, im like 80 percent sure ian’s dabbing directly behind eli, gloria’s dabbing in the back, but no, nOT ELI. im pretty sure he’s deliberately avoiding it smh

anyway

whOOP exciting parts over. now it’s time for Sad Half Circle Around Tree Girl i guess

“the stories that we weave,” and the storytellers and daniel’s son and the peasant girl in tree moune’s branches all come to the front and —

“there is an island where rivers run deep…”

[thestillofwinter]

Get to know me

I was tagged in one of this adorable “get to know you” posts by the lovely @friendly-neighborhood-witch​. Thanks for the tag, witchy! <3

Name? Anastasia

Age? 21 (but Imna be 22 in like nine days, wooo!)

Height? 5′7″...I think? maybe 5′8″

Where you’re from? Maryland and Massachusetts. But my favorite place to have lived is definitely Ireland.

Favourite song? Yo, how you gon’ ask me to pick just one? I have like twelve million favorite songs so I can’t pick just one! But here are some that I listen to when I’m having a shitty day and need a bit of a pick-me-up: No Such Thing - John Mayer

Just like That - The Coronas Get Loose - The Coronas Something Good Can Work - Two Door Cinema Club

Geronimo - Sheppard

My Favorite Things - Leslie Odom Jr.

Fixin’ - Walk the Moon This = Love - The Script

Please Just Take These Photos From My Hands - Snow Patrol

Are you sensing a pattern here, ‘cuz I am. (Most of these bands are Irish/Northern Irish, lmao.)

Favourite Book? Again, how are you gonna ask me to pick just one? I’ve been a reader all my life so I caaan’t pick just one favorite book. But Just One Day by Gayle Forman is definitely one of my all-time favorites because it speaks to the wanderlust in my soul. That and it feels kind of autobiographical to me. Other favorites are Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor, the Series of Unfortunate Events books by Lemony Snicket, and most anything with magic!

Favorite smell? Rain, the ocean, fresh laundry, flowers!!, old books, Irish pubs, scented candles, strawberry cake...and probably a dozen more I can’t put into words.

A memorable experience? Lmao come ask me about one specifically in my ask box, man! This is too vague to answer here. Like...I had a memorable experience last week but I could tell you about the best day of my life so it’s like- how do I answerrrr?

Countries you’ve been to? Ireland, England, Holland, Canada

Countries you’d want to go to? So feckin’ many, oh my Lord. Most definitely back to Ireland, Austria, Germany, Italy, New Zealand, Greece, Chile, Brazil, India, Japan, a bunch of places in Africa...all over, really!

Languages you speak? English, Simlish, sarcasm...I’m learning Irish but it’s pretty slow-going, but I’ve been told I probably know more than my best friend who IS actually Irish and living in Dublin, lmao.

Favourite subject in high school? Ceramics for sure, but other faves include ancient medieval history & film studies

Hobbies? WITCHCRAFT. ...Well, researching what I’m interested in regarding witchcraft, for sure. Photography’s a huge hobby of mine too, and writing fanfics used to be. Reading’s definitely a hobby of mine too, and I really fuckin’ love dancing - though not professionally or anything, just in my room 😛

Favourite plant? Hydrangeas, sunflowers, pansy’s, the problem with asking me about my favorite plants is that I fuckin’ love flowers but NEVER KNOW THEIR ACTUAL NAMES. Sooo it’s kind of a problem. XD

Favourite food? Pasta. Breakfast foods. Comfort foods. Dessert. Ya can’t ask me my favorite food because everything I eat is pretty much my favorite. Except for peanut butter & jelly sandwiches. Those are okay.

Views on modern society? Like … in general, or in my country? For the most part, I think we’re moving in the right direction, but there’s still a lotttt that needs improvement. 

Favorite era and why? This one because I ACTUALLY HAVE SOME FUCKIN’ RIGHTS AS A QUEEN YOUNG WOMAN OF COLOR, LIKE LET’S GO!!! That and the people I love are alive and well in this era so of course I’m gonna say this era! That and other eras of history have really fuckin’ sucked for people of color, women, and queer folks so...nah.

If you could experience one event in history, which would it be and why? Oh man, I don’t know! Think I need more time to think about this one. Maybe something really cool & revolutionary in the future? 

Have tattoos, Piercings? Well I had seven piercings until one of my ear piercings closed up, so now I’ve only six - which includes a nose ring! As for tattoos, I want sooo bloody many but am gonna take it slow. I’m hopefully getting my first one this summer in Ireland, so excited!

Want any [new tattoos, piercings]? Please see above.

Thoughts on love? I have so many thoughts on love and most of them are indescribable. Love is comfort and safety and an adventure. It’s knowing you’re safe with someone and each person giving the other room and space to grow.

Spirituality? Agnostic secular witch, yo! 

10 facts about you?

I never fuckin’ shut up about my study abroad trip to Ireland. Never. Like just ask my roommates, they’ll probably tell you!

I say things like “I’m too gay for this” and “I’m gay as hell, Jesus Christ”, but I’m actually bisexual. I LIKE UMBRELLA TERMS, ‘KAY?

Despite having a super cheery personality and being hella dramatic about absolutely everything in life, I also have depression.

My delving into witchcraft is another way I’m learning to manage my depression and feel empowered about myself.

If you haven’t noticed already, I SWEAR A LOT! It’s just a part of my personality, aand also my upbringing. (Like my Nan used to swear all the time and over the smallest things.)

When I was a kid, I thought referees were magical and could talk so loud, everyone could hear them - even people watching TV! I thought you had to be magical to even apply for the job and that there was this whole secret order of referees or something. I had some fuckin’ cool ideas as a kid - but unfortunately many of them weren’t true!

The Nightmare Before Christmas is my all-time favorite movie and I will fuckin’ internally shriek and flail if I find out you’re also a fan. True story.

I just really love apple juice, but I don’t eat apples. Or most fruits and vegetables.

Photography is one of my favorite things in the world and it’s helped me reconnect with life. It reminds me that there are still beautiful things, still good & pure things, in life and that I’ll notice them more when I just slow down.

I’ve never broken a bone, fractured or sprained any muscle in my body. Ever. (Andd now that I say this, I’m probably going to in the near future.)

Tagging @wandsbrewsandbroomsticks, @persephoneandthepomegranates, @beginner-witch-bitch, @starlit-witch, and @lamplightwitch to do the same! Of course, ya don’t have to fill out the questions if you don’t want to, but it’d be cool to get to know a lil bit about you guys this way! 😊

[comastoast]

@hvrshwords​ HERE IT IS,,,,,,

psa since I can’t see your characters bios I’m going based solely off the icons you used for the muses / what vibe they give off & the song lyrics so plEASE IF I GET ANYTHING WRONG IM SO DEEPLY SORRY

╰ ☾ ⛧⌒*｡ maria jaramillo

( MITCH CHANDLER, Taron Egerton, 23 ) jfc okay just imagine bad boy with badder girlfriend and all the beauty that comes with it like Mitch and Maria both deal together most of the time like she rides shotgun to him & when things start to get tense or sketchy he starts to handle it but the SECOND it gets too far for Maria’s liking she shuts it RIGHT TF DOWN like she’s the one who drops the hammer despite Mitch honestly being hardcore af Maria sort of lays down the law 100% and everyone knows they bad af and when they’re alone they’re usually smoking in abandoned warehouses or buying her some new clothes or hanging out at her apartment(?) because he’s lowkey homeless but u know it’s all good bc he got himself a BAD BITCH and he’s got a feeling he’s not gonna be able to get away even if he tried considering any time a girl even glances at him Maria’s pissed but it’s completely mutual because Mitch has definitely gotten into fist fights over people getting too close to maria and they’re just ride or die and goals

╰ ☾ ⛧⌒*｡ carolina ferrero i could not for the life of me finD HER SONG OKAY SO THE FIRST LINK ON THE GOOGLE SEARCH WAS LITERALLY THIS AND THE SECOND ONE WAS THIS SO ... ENJOY THE RAMBLES.

( ROMAN ELIAS, Jack O’Connell, 24. ) ok 1. I’m reading the Narcissist page and we could definitely have a really bad narcissist relationship where they’re both obsessed with themselves and it’s always been hard because they struggle for the attention and most people think it wouldn’t work but somehow they do because in the small moments where they’re not being self absorbed they do have good times like when they’re quietly watching a movie or hanging out with friends, their best conversations are when they’re out with groups of people and talking mad shit about everyone else there because they’re the best there can ever be and no relationship or person can compare to how good they have it and they do this ass-backwards relationship into friendship where at one point they realize jesus fucking christ i can’t be with you but we’ve been together so long and i still value the fuck out of our friendship can we maybe pump the breaks and just go back to friends but maybe one of them is like excuse the fuck out of me do you think i’m not good enough to be your significant other?? and just the angst of that nonsense right there

( COLBY JAMES, Sofia Black D’elia, 20 ) so 2. the entire mcfricken peep show button is actually to a television show from 2015 and the show is about two very different people one being a socially awkward business person and the other a lively vibrant musician and I can definitely see Colby being sort of reserved and focused on her career but still sometimes distracted by the crazy life that is Carolina’s life ( if she’s wildt like that sos ) and they’ve been living together for a couple of years ( I’d probably age Colby up a bit to like, 23/24 ) ANYWAY the show talks a lot about their sexual endeavers so like apparently the room mates have a very attractive neighbor that they both want to try and get with because godt damnt he’s beautiful and they actively start to fight about it but then one actually gets to it so imagine the angst of two best friends fighting over a guy and then one winning over the other would they stop living together????? would they guilt trip eachother???? i can tell you 100% of Carolina won over Colby ( which is realistic in my honest opinion ) Colby would pretend like everything’s okay but get really passive aggressive and sad and not talk to her as much and try to bottle it up before explosion buT WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT OK

╰ ☾ ⛧⌒*｡ marissa de largo HER SONG CAME UP & I LOVE THIS SONG OK

( HEATH AMOS, Ansel Elgort, 23 ) OKAY so I don’t know if she’s the one who doesn’t need to try or if she’s singing it to someone but holy motehrfuck it’s canon that heath has this like ex girlfriend who was sleeping around on him & got pregnant and either we can throw marissa into that ANGST POOL where she’s the mom claiming he’s the father but Heath actively does NOT believe her bc she was cheating on him & marissa is technically in a new relationship & heath doesn’t really know what’s going on in her life but she’s actively trying real fuckin hard to just do things right and she’s doesn’t idk believe heath could be a proper father but this guy she is with acts the part well enough but it’s real and it’s true that she thinks Heath could be a good dad and so she’s trying to make him jealous ( eh eh you see the connection to the song eh EH sorry im done ok ) and he’s just not biting because all he does is get so so so mad because she’s making him feel BAD likehe doesn’t realize though it’s the kind of bad she doesn’t want she just wants him to be the father but he’s like UR SITTIN HERE FLAUNTIN UR NEW ASS RELATIONSHIP IN MY FACE WITH MAYBE MY CHILD ND UR BEIN FA KE ASF BIH

╰ ☾ ⛧⌒*｡ soledad ruiz I GOT THE SONG AND IM ACTUALLY LISTENING TO IT BC it came in between comedians peace n blessins 

( ETHAN MCDONALD, Dylan O’Brien, 23 ) OK SO IM GETTIN THE VIBE THAT SHE’S A STRONG ASS FEMALE WHO DON’ NEED NO MAN BUT SHE MEETS SOMEONE WHO SHAKES UP HER WHOLE WORLD & LET ETHAN BE THAT MAN. I can see ( bc this is how ethan meets everyone im sos sorry ) she brings her car to him / maybe she broke down somewhere and Ethan finds her stuck and he actually helps her fix her car or tells her what’s wrong and gives her a tow to his mechanic shop & they talk while he’s fixing the car after hours u know it’s late asf and she’s so far from used to this & she is usually the one saving herself but suddenly now Ethan is here and he saves her in a weird way bc she needs her gd car & it’s a basic ass meeting but it turns into this active relationship where he’s like ‘you need new breaks’ or he keeps finding something else to go see her & help her with the car and it might be because he’s actively worried about her driving safe or maybe he just wants to see her once a week somethin NICE LIKE THAT and they actually start talking and maybe he goes to her house to fix the car & she makes him lunches which turn into dinners & just a cute ass relationship liek FUCKIN HAVE YOU SEEN HOLES???? WHERE SAM JUST KEEPS SEEIN THINGS SHE NEEDS FIXED AND HE’S JUST LIKE I CAN FIX THAT BIH THATS ETHAN AS FUCK

╰ ☾ ⛧⌒*｡ daphne cadwell THE SONG CAME UP AGAIN ND IM LISTENING PEACE N BLESSINS

( NOLAN GRAND, Aaron Tveit, 26 ) I’m begging you for Daphne to come after Nolan like she’s hell on wheels but he’s the devil so he’s just aggressively like you’re attractive but i’m not gonna fuckin turn my whole life upside down for you you can’t play me like this girl you better keep yourself CALM now ur flirting with DANGER bc he is aggressively a sugar daddy and total daddy material and maybe they’re actively perfect for eachother but she’s used to breaking hearts and Nolan doesn’t let ANYONE get that close so just the angsty cat and mouse game but Nolan often throws her a bone sometimes but then she’ll be like with a new guy bc he’s not letting her in enough and it makes him fucking JEALOUS and he kind of gets growly and possessive so Daphne is like oh snap who’s winnin NOW BOI??? and he’s like not you don’t fuckin talk to me and don’t fuckin date anyone else aight cool bye

╰ ☾ ⛧⌒*｡ jeniffer mccann THE SONG CAME UP ND HOLY FUCK THIS IS A GD BANGER WTF

( GREG JACOBS, Boyd Holbrook, 35 ) I just really fucking like this song and in the video he sort of looks like Greg so I kind of got this vibe that maybe Greg and her could have a toxic ass relationship where he bends over backwards for her and maybe it’s not the most healthy relationship because lowkey hc Greg is some kinda hitman or works for real bad people & he gives her & gets her anything she ones but then one night he finds out she either slept with someone else or they HURT HER so he literally goes out of his way to kill the person and he doesn’t care what the consequences are he’d murder for her again, and again, and again and he’s just wrapped around her little finger she says jump he says how high and we can even blend this into a bonnie and clyde relationship biH 

╰ ☾ ⛧⌒*｡ clay winston SONG CAME UP ND BLASTIN IT

( OPHELIA MONROE, Billie Lourd, 22 ) Shake. Up. Ophelias. Entire. World. I don’t know if he’s that resident bad boi on motorcycles but like the song is from sons of anrachy and the video is literally a bunch of bad boi bikers and I’m just imagining Clay rolling up into her small ass town & coming into her shitty ass place of business that is this little mom & pop autoparts store and just immediately swooning like ‘take me away from this world ur beautiful’ and maybe she runs away with him & becomes a biker girl and just the angst of shit that happens on the road & the chaos & bar fights & sleeping in shitty motel rooms & the RUSH of an exciting new WORLD 

╰ ☾ ⛧⌒*｡ jason mccann SONG came up but it was the same as the last one so I let it run to the next song and it was my bbyboi ED SHERAN’s MAKE IT RAIN & this is based off that  ok peace n blessins

( KAZ REMY, Vanessa Morgan, 21 ) Jason & Kaz maybe knew each other when they were young & then she moved across country for college / school / her family forced her to move and maybe they’ve always kept in touch through letters and what not but suddenly Jason’s letters were coming later and later before they eventually stopped all together & Kaz was honestly worried but now she’s back in town bc of break / visiting old family and she stumbles upon Jason in some way shape or form we can talk about it and she’s like excuse the fuc outta me where did my letters go? and it turns out he’s actually in a really tight spot and couldn’t write her even if he wanted to & I don’t know what happened maybe he got in a bad way with some of the bad dudes in town or sOMETHING so Kaz is like you need to come with me so they go back to where she lives now & he tells her all about how his life is all chaos or SOMETHING JUST ABT HIM AND SHE’S LIKE WHO EVEN IS THIS PERSON THIS ISN’Y MY LITTLE JAY I KNEW WHEN WE WERE TIKES Y DIDNT U TELL ME and it’s just a nice slowburn mayb i dont know im here for brotp or slowburn like REAL LIFE

╰ ☾ ⛧⌒*｡ bruce mccann SONG came up but ya bitch clicked on THIS RIGHT HERE & you can judge me if you want but holy f cu k

( JESSICA MILANO, Mila Kunis, 34 ) OKAY SO THE SONG YOU DONT EVEN KNOW IT BUT I CAN”T HELP BUT IMAGINE THE SONS OF ANARCHY SONG BEING HIS SONG THEN THIS BEING LIKE a part 2 esp with the lyrics you picked and maybe idk Jessica and him meet while she’s with her two children ( or fuck me up he’s the father to her kids u know yolo bye ) and depending on what way we go here let me organize this a little better BRUCE MEETS JESSICA W/ HER TWO KIDS: She’s weary as fuck about dating & getting to know people but Bruce is just so nice to look at and she can’t help but sort of be attracted but she’s trying her hardest to just be the best for her kids & he actively finds a way to help her open her heart again & it’s a cute lil relationship BRUCE IS BABY DADDY/EX HUSBAND(?): They were together and it was like pure passion and fire but something happened to him like the loss of someone he loved / was important to him so he started to slip hard and wasn’t the man he used to be so they got divorced bc they just couldn’t make it work no matter how bad they wanted & Bruce just is involved with the kids or maybe he leaves & suddenly he’s back and Jessica can feel the old him slowly starting to come back & it’s just life after the divorce where they still have feelings maybe but are scared to act on it / Jessica is furious with him still bc he just LEFT her and he wasn’t suppose to wow i hurt MYSELF there sorry

╰ ☾ ⛧⌒*｡ rocco vela SONG CAME UP ND TOTAL BANGER PSA

( MISTY BOONE, Deborah Ann Woll, 24 ) .............. can u hear that? it’s the sound of a one night stand turning into friends with benefits turning into getting breakfast every morning after / getting used to eachothers morning routines before eventually they’re having days where they sort of hang out since neither of them have plans & for the most part they never went into this expecting to actually develop a relationship like this is a few weeks after Misty’s serious boyfriend & her broke up / he went to jail and maybe fuc me up Rocco knew her ex boyfriend or even BETTER he was the friend who was living in her spare room by her ex’s request and oh my god fuc me up im going in an entirely different direction now but Misty & Rocco didn’t actively like eachother for a long time because her ex would bad mouth the both of them to eachother like Misty thinks it’s Rocco’s fault that he got arrested bc he was the one dealing drugs in her house but in reality it was her ex and Rocco thinks Misty is some psychobitch girlfriend who always talked shit & bossed around her ex but now they he’s gone they’re in this awkward you live with me now & i still sort of need you to pay the fucking bills so if you could deal drugs not in my house that’d be GREAT and he’s just like I was never??? dealing??? fucking drugs in your house???? and just cue the one night stand from above fuck me up this is a classic ass ramble

╰ ☾ ⛧⌒*｡ carter winston HIS SONG CAME UP BUT ALSO THIS SONG CAME ON RIGHT AFTER G-EAZY SO I MEAN.... A LIL MIX OF BOTH FOR YOU

( BECK CONNOLLY, Elizabeth Olsen, 29 ) They’ve known eachother their whole lives & Carter was actually a main character in the movie that she wrote that really really got her famous & just they were fucking hella close friends & they’ve kept in constant contact & maybe Carter sort of had a thing for her but Beck never even acknowledged it because she was so focused on her career and she’s demiromantic/asexual and just sort of doesn’t notice things like that? Like she wouldn’t actively notice if anyone had a crush on her so ANYWAY she has another big movie coming out & she invites Carter to the premire as her date & just imagine the tabloids of them & spending a week in a nice hotel / her house / bonding / writing / getting close / light flirting / Beck bein like WYD WE FRIENDS W Y D and he’s just like u really just see me as a friend & maybe lowkey slow/medium burn or friendzone citY IT CAN GO ANY WAY