#i was 15 once so i just gave danny my height during that time

[starry-bi-sky]

More Fem Danyal! Featuring: her annoying little brothers whomst she loves to death, and then another Phantom design that I might actually finally like. Ali and Damian might activate each other’s Cain Instinct but there is one thing they agree on: Danny being their sister; everyone else can fuck off.

Pov that first one: you’re at a crosswalk in Amity Park and the youngest Fenton girl is there with her two brothers that. might have actually appeared out of thin air. You never know with that family

[the boys noticed you] [they’re judging your sketchers] [pov you are dash baxter]

[sakuraswordly]

Some flashback memories:

Sonic: Can I keep him?

Velvet: Sonic. You know you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.

Tails: A long time ago, I once had friends and the only family I had. Me, bokkun, Magillanica and Ivo.

Magilou: To put it short, he’s the exorcist’s shadow. Sincerity and conviction alone won’t save the world to remain free of malevolence, they need someone to do their dirty work. A shadow. Melchior was training me and Ivo to be the shadow for the next leader of the exorcists...Artorius himself.

Laphicet: Both of you are not just used to it. You've changed.

Sonic: Go home?

Eggman: I know you understand. Do you think this will last forever? I know you having a good time. You’re having a good time living with them everyday. If people from our world keep coming to this world, there’s going to be friction.

Peter: Your child’s personality? So that mean.....

Gilgamesh: True. As I told you earlier, Sonic’s existence similar to Watanuki’s but not the same.

Homura: You and Danny were different so you should be careful to not turn into one, okay? Or don't interfere because you don't have a human form or human vessel like me.

Sonic: Syaoran, you are the incarnation of King Arthur. As for me, I am the incarnation of King Gilgamesh. That's why I am the only one who can use chaos emeralds to turn into super form.

Tails: I've changed a lot since I started hanging with Sonic, but I can't depend on him forever. I know I can do this by myself! I need to protect him! Okay, Metarex! Bring it on!

Punch: You knew something that I don't know.

Danny: What if we were to turn into weird monsters who, like us, are not the next because of despair and malevolence? I was very afraid. I could not do it If I can't control my despair. Is there anyhing we can do? Jazz is going to become a witch..

Sonic: Both me and Punch are scared too. Even if it was scary, painful, or too much to bear, we can all talk and cry together. We should never exist or become monsters that we don't want to, but as long as we were together, I wouldn't have any regrets!

Source Character:

Sonic Crowe or Sonic the Hedgehog. Sonic's Original created by Sonic Team, is a video game developer owned by the Japanese video game company Sega as part of its Sega CS Research and Development No. 2 division. Sonic Team is best known for the long-running Sonic the Hedgehog series. As Sega's mascot and one of the key reasons for the company's success during the 16-bit era of video game consoles, Sonic is one of the most famous video game characters in the world. This picture was from Sonic X, is an anime series loosely based on the Sonic the Hedgehog series. It was animated and produced in Japan by TMS Entertainment with the partnership of Sega and Sonic Team. It was first broadcasted in Japan in April 2003 by TV Tokyo.(But in my country, Sonic is not very popular, and few of people know about this little guy.)

Translations:

Name; Sonic the Hedgehog English 

Name; SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 

Known as; Sonic 

Species; Hedgehog 

Gender; Male 

Height; 100cm 

Weight; 35kg 

Age; 15 years old 

Running Speed; Supersonic speed

Explanation(Analysis)

Gilgamesh is the top hardest character to write, Punch is the second hard character to write and Sonic is the third hard character to write. In the first encounter(Tsofph story), everyone gave Sonic the title as an innocent child. Sonic doesn't know what hurt is, what love is and what the outside world how much cruel world is. Grimoirh said that Sonic himself was not the hedgehog or Allen, he hie something that keep him safe from the outside world, and that's why Syaoran's group couldn't find Sonic world dimension. Sonic world's dimension itself had sealed off away until oneday when Sonic fighter Dr Eggman. Sonic managed to trick the robot into shooting the machine the Chaos Emeralds had been powering. The machine malfunctions and caused Chaos Control, warping everyone to another world, Earth(Chris' world). So basically, Sonic broke the seal with the power of Chaos Emeralds by himself. Sonic is the fastest creature with the greatest powerful unknown inside him, he has a great hatred of crookedness and cannot bear to witness troubled people. He hates to be bored, and restrained always goes on carefree adventures, prefers to be alone, he likes to relax often and both love and hate himself. He doesn't like to be famous but wants everyone to acknowledge that he is the best and coolest. Sonic love himself, everyone and the world or many worlds. Sonic believes that everyone has a good heart (Even Dr Eggman) and can change their heart or save their saddest heart. Sonic is arrogant, cares for others, very sensitive heart, and approval others. His favourite food is still Chili Dogs. Sonic had the ability to see slow motion when he runs, can understand different languages even nature but can't read different languages, has healing magic, can see some destiny lines around him(Like Punch), has the ability to see or hear the invisible(Like Sakura and Chester)and the power of good luck. Sonic is afraid of deep water or deep ocean, and if it takes too much longer, Sonic will crazy and run around. But if want Sonic to feel safe from deep water, there need some friends that Sonic trust the most about his safety. Sonic is an orphan and before found and took care of by Uncle Chuck and Queen Aleena. Nature was the one taking care of him even feeding him(Trees, wind and water). Sonic still believe he had a family because he had a memory relationship with his brother.

Gilgamesh: I was chosen by nature to become the next leader, and even though I lost my family even though they are not my family in blood, nature around the earth still takes care of me. That's why I understand how much those trees meant to you, Enkidu.

Enkidu: So that's why you create the garden of Babylon.

Sonic's ideal is "Freedom". Sonic want the best for everyone not only for himself. That makes him curse himself more without knowing, which can cost his life just like in Sonic frontiers. (From this blog (Source:tumblr.com/nightfurylover31))

[The reason that makes his being corrupted so much more painful.   This isn't just about saving his friends anymore. It's so they can live their dreams. Having their freedom, even if it costs Sonic his own.] Sonic still don't know about the curse of Vaten Hörmulegt that he had. 

Yuuko: If you use too much power until the curse is awakened, the illness will slowly control you and turn you into a tool. (Similar illness in Sonic frontiers)

Sonic believes in himself and often didn't listen to his friends. But thankfully Sonic had the ability to read people's hearts and feeling(Even Allen and nature). When Sonic and Velvet have different arrangements, Sonic feels terrible for hurting Velvet's feelings because Sonic doesn't understand Velvet why he can't run or tells him he doesn't know how much dangerous is and why he can't fight some monsters. Similar to this scene in Sonic Prime.

Source Picture: tumblr.com/descendant-of-truth

Sonic looked so sad in this scene, you can really tell he feels horrible about hurting Tails's feelings. But he can't understand why Tails is upset. (He misunderstood the word "trap" that Tails warn him about it.)

Tails: Even though there were so many times that Sonic didn't listen to me, he was still the only best friend that can understand me.

Until Tsofph season 6, by little, Sonic start to be willing to be passive and obedient to his friends. Because his legs were injured. Before meeting Leia(Tales of xillia) and Subaru( Tokyo Babylon ), Syaoran mention that Sonic missed Tails a lot and couldn't sleep well. Sonic was afraid that without him, Tails would be hurt, but thankfully Syaoran showed Sonic that Tails will be alright on his own because Sonic could see Tails in Syaoran. They shared something similar, the soul is the one. We all know that Tails is Sonic’s biggest fan by far. But a lot of people don’t know that Sonic is Tails' number one fan. That's how Sonic thinks about Syaoran. For a long journey, Sonic trust Syaoran and they can understand each other very well just like the relationship between Sonic and Tails.

Sonic: Tails did say to me once that I am their hope. Even you, Syaoran, you also said the same thing that my little bro said. Do you know? I'm kinda happy. When we first travelled together, you don't know how much happy I am.Thank you so much for always cheering me up. You kinda much like Tails but not the same.  

Syaoran: Umm...What did I make you happy?

Source conversation: tumblr.com/sakuraswordly

Bonus: The first time Tails met Sonic in Tsofph story:

Source picture from Sonic X EP 18

Velvet: How you and Sonic met? Tails: After I lost my family and I only had the thing I made together with my family. Everyone around me said that thing is a tool weapon and they destroyed it. I cry the way I walk but along the way, I met Sonic running up. I was like"Who he is? Why he is so cool?! I should follow him!"

Velvet: Not because you were bullied by other animals because of your twin tails?

Tails: No, in our dimension they are kind and nice. We don't understand what bullying is until Dr Eggman conquered the world.

Velvet: Wow, that was a nice peaceful world you had until that mad scientist ruined everything.

Tails: Sonic then runs off while I eagerly follow him. He comes across a beach and sees a red biplane parked on the sand. I examine the plane and start to tinker with it, making it faster and even repainting it blue. Sonic then appears. 

* Flashback *

Sonic: What are you doing?

Tails: Ah! I’m sorry! I was remodeling it would be faster. And I changed the color. Umm....

Sonic: Blue is pretty good too.

Tails:...!! It’s the color of your image.

Sonic: Thanks. By the way, you’ve been following me since this morning. Do you want something from me?

Tails:......Everyone bullies me because I’m only good at mechanics...but I saw you running and wanted to be cool, just like you! I want to be brave someday to help the people I dear the most! Do you think that's a possible dream?

Sonic: What’s your name?

Tails: Miles Power. But everyone calls me “Tails”.

Sonic: I’m Sonic. Tails, I’ll leave this in your hands, so do what you like with it.

Tails: Really? You don’t mind?

Sonic: No problem!

* End of Flashback *

Sonic love to be alone but he wants someone to stay by his side. There was some human inside his heart even though Sonic is not human. He was able to learn on his own by playing the guitar, repairing shoes, utensils, cooking and reading, although he was not a genius like Tails. He has a talent for making friends even though he's not very social. He is always in a good mood and smiles all the time like a child. That's why he called himself an innocent child in season 6.

In season 8 will be much more different now so I'm going to end this analysis this month. See “Analyze the characters” next time! Thank you very much!

Homura: What do you think about Sonic, Danny? 

Danny: He is like the big brother but also a great leader too. But the problem is he is very lazy a lot when come to homework.

Homura: If I have to guess, Punch helps to do homework, am I right?

Danny: Yeah, she helps me too. I wish Tucker was in the same group. He was really great at Computers.

Homura: I know you are not really great at math and English. I understand that you need her help. She was greater than me, especially in the computer subject. What about now?

Danny: They having free time together lately. I wonder why Sonic knows about Punch. He just met her and I just know him.

Homura: Have you ever thought that because Sonic must've known her in a previous life, fate has reached across time and space to bring them back together again? But I never see this form as a hedgehog in Babylon. Why does this form exist?

Danny: Homura?

Homura: Isn't that strange that he knows about King Gilgamesh even Punch's life in the past? Also, I can't read his fate. It is just like it was sealed by someone. It was as if it had been sealed by someone. You were sealed by Enkidu and he was sealed by King Gilgamesh, but what about Punch? Even though Punch might not remember him, her subconscious could have taken note of him, and later brought her image out in a dream.

Danny: Homura...why are you know about Enkidu?

Homura: I just pictured what I imagined, that's all.

Danny: We met before in previous life, right?

Homura: Perhaps....

Danny: So then let's go!

Homura: Huh?

Danny: So the place that I know is very important must be connected to Homura. Maybe Homura can help me. A place I've never been to but important for even Sam.

Homura: Sam too?

Danny: She can be rational, sarcastic, forceful, bossy, passionate, and strong-willed, but also good-hearted and caring. She isn't spoiled and would rather earn real friends instead of dealing with the popularity and fake friendships that come with wealth.

Homura: I know you know her because she's your girlfriend. Sam could feel it? So the promise we made is still there, right?

(Below conversation: Source original idea writing skits are from Tales of Berseria)

Skits: Women can be deceiving(Tsofph season6)

Sonic: Hmm.....

Chester: What is it, Sonic?

Sonic: You once told me that women's looks can be deceiving, but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to see.

Syaoran: I also had a problem with that too. But as I know that's men's problem. Women are fickle creatures at best. They lie as easily as they breathe, and men can never see through their deceptions.

Chester: Yeah, yeah! I TOTALLY agree. 

Sonic: Sounds like both of you have been through some tough times.

Subaru: The wounds women leave on a man's heart take longer to heal than a cut delivered by a sword.

Sonic: R....really?!

Chester: Remember Sonic. Beware a maiden's tears and guard yourself well. That's my advice to you.

Sonic: Okay. Beware a maiden's tears and guard yourself.

Velvet: Wait just a sec! Don't put any weird ideas into Sonic's head, you two!

Chester: They’re just facts.

Velvet: If you fill his head with any more garbage, I’m eating both of you, even you Syaoran.

Syaoran: Me again?!

Mokona: Wow! Too scary!

Leia: It seems you guys having trouble with women. Heh! Well, women are nothing if not difficult!

Magilou: Don't worry. I have the deepest sympathy for you both including you too, Syaoran.

Syaoran:........

Chester: Well? What do you think of the ladies' reactions?

Sonic: Velvet won't eat either of you, Leia is mad and Magilou didn't seem sympathetic at all.

Subaru: See? Appearances can be deceiving, especially Leia. I don't know what will she plan.

Chester: And it seems you’ve absorbed the lesson well.

Sonic: .....Thanks!

Sakura: I’m not like that, though.

Sonic: Huh?

Sakura: Yes, some women use their tears to manipulate others. But not all do, and I for one despise such duplicity. The women who did that to my Syaoran are just the extreme and badness.

Sonic: So Amy hates some women who use their tears to manipulate others too, right? 

Sakura: Yeah, Amy hates that as much as I do.

Sonic: Girl surely is hard to understand......

Skits: Unknown book (Tsofph season6)

Syaoran: You know, I still have not mastered the ancient tongue yet so there are so many words and many scripts that I can't read. I hope Sorey-san was here. But I'm so surprised that you love to read books too.

Sonic: I like to read a book with the chilli dogs outside. I have to take care of Tails, so I studied by myself and become my hobby.

Velvet: I was surprised to see you be able to be a big brother. When I took care of Laphicet at first it was very hard to understand him.

Syaoran: Is every species like you like to read too? Bienfu does a lot of reading, too.

Sonic: Really? I don’t know that.

Sakura: It’s true. But I’m not sure what he’s been reading, though.

Bienfu: Did someone call for me?

Sonic: Bienfu, do you like to read, too?

Bienfu: Oh, yes! Books are a treasure trove of knowledge! But I’m a greater malakhim, so the literature I enjoy might be a bit above your level, Sonic.

Sonic:”How to talk a Human Female into Becoming Your Vessel” and “Physically Escalating with Cuties.”

Syaoran, Velvet, Sakura: ?!

Bienfu: Bien?!

Sonic: “Physically Escalating...” What does that mean?

Syaoran, Velvet, Sakura: You really don’t need to know!!

Sonic: Huh? Why?!

Laphicet: You don't need to know, Sonic. It's a human girl thing.

Sonic: Wha....!!

Velvet: Yeah, I’m confiscating all of those.

Sakura: And I have some questions. Bienfu, you’d better be ready for a thorough interrogation.

Bienfu: Bieeeeeen!

[sonofadeanwinchester]

Scared To Be Lonely

Summary:  Everything was fine, then the fights started ...

Words: 2296

Warnings: Fighting & Swearing

A/N:  Based off lyrics Scared to be Lonely by Martin Garrix feat. Dua Lipa.

It was great at the very start Hands on each other Couldn't stand to be far apart Closer the better

It seemed like forever since he looked at me the way he use to. The way that told me he loved me. The way that made me fall in love with him, no matter the distance or the space. No matter how many press tours he had to go on or how many premieres he had to attend. A love that made me forget that he was gone more than he was home. The kind of love that people shook their heads at me wondering how I was still managing to be with him. My sister asked me several occasions, "(Y/N), why are you still with Sebastian?"

I would smile small, my eyes fixed on a place in the corner and say quietly, "because I love him."

She would scoff and shake her head again. "He's gone more than he's home. How do you manage to have an actual relationship?"

I'd shrug and chuckle, "we manage."

Now we're picking fights and slamming doors Magnifying all our flaws And I wonder why, wonder what for Why we keep coming back for more

Before all the fights had started, before he'd come home and ignore my attempts at being romantic. He'd hold me close, so close I didn't think there was even oxygen between our bodies. How our chests would be touching as he held me against him, kissing my lips or my neck, whispering dirty little things into my ears. He'd be gone for months at a time, just wishing he was home to be with me. He'd call everyday, whining about how much he missed me, how he missed my little quirks that he loved so much.

But now, in front of me, stood a man I didn't recognize. A man that came home and slammed doors, and yelled at me for no reason. A man who would throw my petty, low income job in my face as he rolled his eyes. "You think acting is fucking easy, (Y/N)? It's damn hard work. Unlike that waitress job."

It was like a slap in the face, like he had spit in my face. "What?"

He scoffed, a smirk forming on my pink lips. "My damn job is hard fucking work."

I could feel my blood boiling as I glared at him, my heart pumping out of my chest with rage. "You think my job is easy?"

He dropped his eyes, fidgeting with his fingers. "It's a hell of a lot easier than mine." There was no trace of remorse or regret in his voice. He meant every damn word he was spewing at me.

"Really? Well, I work 12-15 hour days, I'm on my feet all fucking day. I deal with assholes who throw their food at me if it's not cooked the right way or a fucking pickle is missing of their damn burgers. I had a man dump his hot coffee on my head yesterday because I put whole milk in it accidentally instead of soy. I had a lady spit in my face because I wouldn't give her a discount. You think having assholes come through my work every damn day is fun for me? You think I want  to work a low income job while you're out showing that pretty little face off to every damn lady that smiles in your direction?" The words came out a lot harsher than I had intended.

His eyes narrowed and he licked his lips. "You think I show my face off to every lady that throws themselves at me?"

I shrugged, "I don't know."

He scoffed, "you don't fucking trust me, do you?"

I stopped in my tracks and avoided his gaze. It's not like he ever gave me a reason not to trust him. During the past two years of dating, he never once strayed away from his feelings or the idea of being with a commoner. He never stayed late at premiers if I wanted to go home or went out with the guys if they wanted to head out to a strip club or get a few drinks to pick up girls. He was always faithful, no matter what the situation was. "Of course I trust you!"

He shook his head, and chewed his cheek. "I never once, in the two fucking years we've been dating, never even once glanced at another woman."

"I know."

"Than why would you throw that in my face?" He stepped closer, anger filling his features.

"I-I don't know." That was the truth, I really didn't know why I was throwing that into his face.

"(Y/N), I don't understand why you don't trust me. I've never-. I'm done, I'm not even gonna defend why I'm faithful." He turned away from me and slammed the door in my face.

I stood there like a lovesick idiot and let the tears fall from my eyes.

Is it just our bodies? Are we both losing our minds? Is the only reason you're holding me tonight 'Cause we're scared to be lonely? Do we need somebody just to feel like we're alright? Is the only reason you're holding me tonight 'Cause we're scared to be lonely?

A few hours later, after he had slammed the door in my face, after refusing to speak to about this, he slunk into bed and pulled me close to him. I turned to my face was resting on his chest and he sighed a breath of relief. He must've figured after today, after he blew up at me, that I would've rejected him. I curled my fingers around his bicep and kissed his chest. The thought of him not being beside chilled me to the bone. I couldn't imagine him not coming home after one of our many fights, I couldn't imagine him not slinking to bed and holding me tight.

I cleared my throat, "Seb?"

He hummed a response, "yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?" My voice came out only as whisper. What I was about to say could make or break this relationship.

"Anything." He kissed my hair.

"Are you only here, back after the fight tonight, because you're scared to be alone? To be lonely?"

His breathing hitched and he sighed, deep. "What do you mean?"

I chewed the inside of my cheek and pondered my response. "I mean-" I swallowed hard "-I mean, is the only reason you're here back tonight is because you don't think you'll find anyone else?"

He scoffed, "are you fucking serious?" He pushed me off his chest and flipped onto his side, his back facing me.

"Sebas-."

"You don't think I'm good enough for anyone? Why?" I didn't answer and he sat up, flicking the lamp on. "Answer the damn question."

I stood, letting his t-shirt fall loosely around my body and I slunk into a corner. "No, I don't think I'm good enough for you. I sometimes wonder why the hell you stuck around to be with me? Of all people in the world, of all women to be with, you pick a plain waitress."

He came to me, his hands finding my face and wiping away tear from my face. "Stop."

I shook my head and turned away from him, hugging my arms around my waist. "No, Sebastian. I don't understand."

He spun me around and kissed my forehead. "I love you."

I looked at me naked legs and wiggled my toes. "Is that enough though? My parents-."

"That was your parents, love. They aren't us." He bent down a ways so he could look directly into my eyes at my short height."

I shrugged again, pulling myself out of his arms. "I can't do this anymore if I'm having doubts."

"Why are you doubting, though? I already told you my feelings never wavered for you-."

"Not you." I looked up and he stepped back, his eyes filled with tears.

"You don't love me?"

I shook my head, my thoughts were jumbled and my voice wasn't working the way I wanted. I couldn't get the words out in order. "No, I do. That's what is wrong here. Sometimes, I feel like my love for you is holding you back somehow. Like, the only reason you don't go out with your friends or stay at premiers for too long is because of me." 

He shook his head violently, "sweetheart, no. That's not the reasons, that will never be the reason for me not going to things. I don't go to those things because they no longer interest me. I want to come home and watch sappy romance movies with you as you cry into my shoulder and go through a box of Kleenex. I want to sit down and have late night dinners with you as you drink too much wine and become giddy for hours on end. I love  doing those sweet little things with you. I love doing them because I fucking love you. Don't you get that, (Y/N). Even after all the fights and arguments, I always come home to you."

Too much time, losing track of us Where was the real? Undefined, spiraling out of touch Forgot how it feels

Weeks went by after that before he was home again and then a couple of months after that before he was home for a while. Sitting at the kitchen table, I noticed the silence between us, how we had lost things to talk about. How the distance this time might've really been the breaker for us. I know that this time was stressful on him with being a big one for Civil War and the leading up to the Infinity Wars movies. I dropped my head into my propped arms and sighed deeply. He broke his gaze from his phone and smiled, "you okay, baby?"

I nodded and smiled weakly, "yeah."

I obviously didn't convince him when he stood and came to my side, kneeling beside me. "What's wrong?"

I sighed again, "nothing."

"I don't believe you."

I shrugged, furrowing my brow. "I feel like this time, when you were gone, it was harder than before."

He nodded and pursed his lips. "I know."

I shook my head, letting my hair fall from my shoulders. "I feel like we lost things to talk about. You're really busy with work and I'm starting to take night classes-."

"Wait, what? You're taking night classes? For what?" His smile spread across his cheeks.

I shrugged, "creative writing."

He stood and pulled me closer to him, "I know you like to write. I'm proud of you, babe." I smiled and felt a heat crawl into my cheeks. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrugged again, lifting just one shoulder. "Because you were busy and Danielle told me not to bug you-."

"Danielle as my publicist?" I nodded and he growled, pulling out his cellphone. "Danny, hey, it's Sebastian. Listen, did you tell my girlfriend not to bug me while I was on tour?" He nodded and his face dropped. "Why the hell would she lie to me about this?" He scoffed. "No worries, just don't show up to work on Monday." He hung up and his face dropped.

"Don't worry about it, Seb."

He shook his head, "you should've been allowed to talk to me. I'm you're fucking boyfriend."

His phone rang again and he excused himself, disappearing into the bedroom.

Even when we know it's wrong Been somebody better for us all along Tell me, how can we keep holding on? Holding on tonight 'cause we're scared to be lonely

The thoughts of being with someone kept creeping into my mind as the days and nights seemed to grow longer before Seb had to go back. We laid in bed, side by side, as thought passed through my mind what it would be like to be with someone who wasn't as busy and out of state as much. I remember dating a guy back before Seb and he was good for me. He was good and he had made me happy. He had brought lots of laughter and fun into my life before I knew what love truly was. Sebastian opened a door to my heart with his kindness and his genuine love for humanity and the humility that he brought into his everyday routine. The way he loved and talked to his fans like they were his family. I remember him coming home one night, just beaming with light about how much fun he had with his fans, how they gave him gifts and told him stories about how his roles helped save their lives. His eyes filled with tears as he spoke with such a love for them.

But, still, my mind wandered back to Sam, who was my college sweetheart. I would never voice these thoughts to Sebastian. He knew little about Sam but what he knew, it made him jealous. Like how Sam was my first with sex, my first love. He'd shake his head and I'd giggle about hot he looked filled with jealously. That night, he made love to me like never before, worshiping my body like nothing I'd ever experienced before.

The morning had arrived when Seb had to go back to LA for three months to finish filming and do a few interviews, keeping him busy from morning till night. He kissed me deep and long, his arms wrapping around my waist. "I love you."

I nodded, now finally sure that he truly did actually love me. Not that he didn't mean it but because I finally learned to believe it myself. I kissed him back and smiled against his lips. "I know."

[artificialqueens]

Hearts, Not Parts (Adore Delaska) Part 1 - Osiris

hello! i’ve written on here before but my old works are embarrassing, so just call me osiris. this is a deeply personal story to me because i’m a trans boy who wants to be a drag queen.

this is about a young trans boy danny who does drag as adore delano, and he meets pre drag race alaska and they feel a connection to each other, but danny’s afraid to come out in fear of rejection. starts off with a bit of adore/jinkx, but i promise it’s focused on adore delaska eventually.

i don’t know how many parts it’ll be. this is part 1.

Danny’s life had been anything but easy. A diagnosis of depression at 13 led to a diagnosis of gender dysphoria at 15, and that led to a lot of confusion within the family. Luckily, his mom was in his corner and let him start hormones by the time he was 16. The kids at school looked at him funny, as he had been there since elementary school and they knew him when he was nowhere near masculine. That led to most of his friends leaving him in fear of being harassed along with him.

The best thing that happened in his teenage years was meeting Jerick. They were a kid in Danny’s theatre class who actually showed interest in him even though they knew about his situation. He soon found out why: they’re genderfluid. Most of his friends that stuck around were in the LGBT community some way or another. Roy was gay, Carmen was transgender too, and Katya just sort of went with the flow, sexuality-wise. Jerick was just the first to show a romantic interest in him.

The two quickly jumped into a relationship, which lasted almost a year before they both agreed they were better as friends. It wasn’t one of those breakups where they claim they’ll stay friends but never talk again. Jerick remained Danny’s best friend for years. They even stayed close when Jerick moved to Los Angeles to pursue their drag career when they were 21 and Danny was still 19. Texting every day and video chatting at least once a week, they maintained their relationship for years.

Danny started doing drag when he was 21 in his hometown of San Diego, but he didn’t really have the reaction he wanted. His friends always came to his shows, praising Adore Delano, his drag character. Even though he tried his best and pursued his dream, the happiness he always expected from doing drag just wouldn’t appear. In fact, the amount of money he spent on his drag was more than he was bringing in.

He ended up taking a break from drag, uninspired. Not only was he not as successful as he had hoped, he was discriminated against in the community. “Why are you even doing drag if you’re a trans guy?” he was always asked, as if drag is only available to cisgender people. His depression symptoms started to come back, and he needed out for a while. When he called Jerick and explained the situation, they offered to let him stay with them for a couple of weeks, just to get away and have a change of scenery and meet new people.

He packed his bags and boarded the soonest flight to Los Angeles, not wanting to wait any longer to just get the fuck out of there. When he got to Jerick’s apartment, he ran into a tall man who just seemed to be leaving. Literally ran into him. “Shit, sorry,” Danny immediately apologized, but was just met with soft laughter. “It’s fine, really,” the other man told him. “You okay?” he asked Danny, helping him pick up one of the bags he had dropped. Danny could barely speak, just nodding and smiling slightly. He hurried toward the door.

Damn, he was cute. Danny shut himself up immediately. After he and Jerick broke up, he told himself he’s not going to fall for anyone. Nobody will ever understand him, and he’d rather not end up with his heart broken after they find out he’s trans.

Startled when the door opened, Danny was let in. Arching an eyebrow, Danny motioned behind him. “Who was that?” he asked, setting down his bags.

“That’s Justin. He’s one of the other queens I perform with,” Jerick explained.

Danny nodded slightly, crossing his arms over his abdomen, feeling slightly uncomfortable at the moment. He definitely felt something, and he didn’t want to. He wished he could make it go away, but part of him wanted to say ‘fuck it’ and go for it. Sensing Danny’s tension, Jerick spoke up. “Do you want me to introduce you? He’s going to be performing with me tonight,” they offered.

“Sure, yeah,” Danny said quietly, smiling gratefully at his best friend. Knowing he was probably done talking for the moment, Jerick took the opportunity to help him take his bags to the guest room.

While Danny was finding a new outfit to wear, Jerick went back to their room and began the long process of putting on Jinkx’s face. It didn’t take Danny long to change into his skinny jeans and graphic t-shirt, so he decided to go sit on Jerick’s bed to keep them company while they got ready. The conversation was easy, and so was the silence. They felt comfortable enough to sit in silence together without it being awkward.

Danny was mesmerized by the transformation he was seeing. Jinkx was beautiful, so different from Jerick but he could still see them through the layers of makeup. Once the makeup was done, Danny stood and gave them a hug from behind, just missing the physical contact that was so normal for the pair. “I can’t wait to see your performance. You’re gonna be great,” he assured them before letting them go so they could change.

Once they had taken a lyft to the club, Jinkx brought Danny backstage with them, wanting to introduce him to the other queens.

The first one they met was a small blonde with a distinct Australian accent named Courtney. She seemed very nice, and her and Danny got on very well. There was another queen in the dressing room with red hair similar to Jinkx’s. Jinkx introduced her as Ivy, and Danny noticed a distinct blush on their cheeks. Danny knew Jinkx had been seeing someone, but he had never been given any names.

Finally, Jinkx took Danny to their dressing room, where another queen with long blonde hair styled up into what looked like a beehive, eyebrows arched practically to heaven, and a perfectly cinched waist. Without Jinkx telling him, he automatically knew this was the man he had seen earlier. Part of it was the height of the queen, the other part was Jinkx’s face. They were smirking, as if they knew he was attracted to the man - Justin, apparently. The queen heard the door open and turned her head toward them, giving them a big smile when she saw them.

“Hiiiieeee,” she greeted, standing up and walking over. She took Danny’s hand in both of hers. His heart raced, and he hoped he wasn’t blushing. He imagined he looked like one of those people in a rom-com who can’t stop staring like a creepy idiot. He just hoped he didn’t.

“I’m Alaskaaaa,” she drawled. “You’ve got to be Danny, right? Jinkxy here was just telling me earlier that you’d be coming. I assume it’s Danny because I saw you going to their apartment. Am I right?” Danny wasn’t even able to speak. Luckily, Jinkx took over.

“Yes, this is my Danny. He’s actually a drag queen too, down in San Diego,” they told Alaska. Danny finally found his words. “Adore Delano,” he added, “That’s my drag name.”

Alaska finally let go of Danny’s hand, going to the mirror and puckering her lips a little. “What do you do, Danny slash Adore?” she inquired. “Comedy, lip syncing, singing..?”

“I sing,” Danny told her, tone turning extremely shy at this point. He didn’t feel like he was good enough to be having this conversation with a queen who obviously knew what they were doing. He was still a beginner, and lots of people didn’t even think his drag was valid since he was trans. He wasn’t going to say that, though, because he did not want to fuck this up.

Alaska seemed to sense his nervousness, so she decided not to ask him to sing for her, though she did make a little mental note to herself to have him sing for her one day. “Me too,” she replied, and she left it at that.

The queen known as Ivy that he had met earlier poked her head in the door. “We’re starting in five,” she notified the queens in the room. Danny awkwardly backed up toward the door. “I suppose I’ll see you after the show,” he said, trying to make it sound like he was just talking to Jinkx.

Once Danny was out the door, Alaska turned to Jinkx, a smug expression on her face. “He’s cute. And he seems nice. A bit shy, though,” she noted. Jinkx chuckled softly, putting on another coat of their lipstick.

“He’s afraid to get too close to anyone, though, so good luck. Be careful,” Jinkx warned, knowing exactly what was running through Alaska’s mind. Of course, Alaska couldn’t help but wonder what exactly happened to make him so scared of letting people in.

She wasn’t going to ask, though. She understood perfectly. Her relationship with another queen named Sharon didn’t go too well, and for over a year after they broke up, she wouldn’t let anyone she had feelings for talk to her. She wouldn’t risk anything happening that would give them an advantage over her.

Alaska checked her makeup one last time and headed towards the door.

Danny watched with awe as everybody performed. Jinkx almost made him cry with their singing, which sounded like an angel. That wasn’t surprising, though, as they had been singing together for years now. What he hadn’t expected was that Alaska’s voice was so beautiful. Maybe it was the overdramatic look that made him think it would be more comedic, but she was actually a beautiful singer. Later on in the show, his expectations were fulfilled as she did a comedy number. He loved everything Alaska did, and he knew he was in trouble. He could’ve sworn he caught her eye many times during the show.

After it was over, he made his way back to Jinkx and Alaska’s dressing room. He gave Jinkx a big hug and kiss on the cheek. “That was great!” he told them. He turned to Alaska after a few seconds. “You were really good. Like, really good,” he said awkwardly, earning a chuckle and smile from Alaska.

“How long are you staying here?” Alaska asked him, tilting her head a little. Danny’s heart sped up a little. Surely she wasn’t trying to imply anything, was she? His mouth all the sudden felt dry.

“Two weeks,” he told her, watching as she took off her wig and began removing her makeup. How could she still look so good in the process of wiping away makeup?

“That’s too bad,” Alaska told him. “If Jinkx wouldn’t mind, though, I’d love to hang out with you sometime,” she continued.

Jinkx looked almost guilty, afraid they would be caught by Danny. They had been talking to Alaska before Danny showed up, trying to set them up together. They didn’t want to set them up for selfish reasons; they just really wanted Danny to be happy, and Alaska is the person they trust most apart from him. If they like each other, Jinkx is going to help them any way they can.

Danny must’ve looked surprised, because Alaska started laughing, finally getting all the makeup off. “It doesn’t have to be a date, Danny slash Adore. Unless you want it to be,” she teased, walking to the back of the room to change. Danny shot Jinkx a look, one that said ‘we’re talking later’, and tried to think of any positives that would come out of it. It could end up wonderful, but there was no guarantee that it would work out after he was out as trans.

Alaska, now fully back to Justin, walked back out, carrying a bag. He sat down in one of the chairs again, looking fully smug as he looked over Danny. “What do you say?”

[marcus-and-carter]

All the questions you haven't answered yet??????? 😇

Don’t you flash that angel face at me, Anon, I know you’re hiding horns under there…..

1: My name?

My name is nope. Actually, my name is a bit of a confusing thing for me at the moment since I’m trying to transition. I get called a bunch of things, but you guys can stick to Marcus.

2: Do I have any nicknames?

I got a bunch… Satan, Wolf Pup, Magzy, Zip (there’s more but these are the main ones)

3: Zodiac sign?

Aquarius and rat. WAIT I JUST LOOKED THIS UP??? Apparently, your Chinese zodiac depends on when the Chinese New Year begins. And I was born early enough in the year that I was born before the Chinese New Year. I’m actually a pig! Go figure.

4: Video game I play to chill, not to win?

Risk of Rain. I’ve played it so often that it’s easy for me to win now. But it’s still fun to play. Kinda a repetitive game, but still fun.

5: Book/series I reread?

The Night Angel Trilogy by Brent Weeks (I was actually thinking of rereading it soon). It’s a pretty dark series, but it’s beautifully written. And there’s romance, but it’s not the main focus, so I doubly love it. I’m so sick of reading books where the main focus is romance, guys…. I just want my adventure without the lovey- dovey shit…… (That’s actually kinda hilarious considering I only write and read fanfics based on romance….) Another good series I like to reread is The Ranger’s Apprentice by John Flanagan. It’s an easier read since the target age range seems to be middle school/high school (when I picked the series up) but it’ll alway be one of my favorite series and it’s so well written and captivating that I can’t help but read it again every once and awhile.

6: Aliens or ghosts?

I pick ghosts. I like ghosts better. (Sorry aliens)

8: Favourite radio station?

98.7 LA’s New Alternative. Either that or KROQ or Jack FM. But mostly 98.7. I get most of my music off there or from movies or friends…..

9: Favourite flavour of anything?

Vanilla. Caramel. Eggnog. Lemon. I like French Silk ice cream, as well as strawberry cheesecake and fried green tea. I like lemon or pecan pie. I like green tea pocky. And chai tea. I’m not sure what else…..

10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great?

Awesome. That’s awesome! Or nice, or dude. XD Or all of those at once.

11: Favourite song?

House of the Rising Sun. Good song.

12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better?

I just kinda weave questions into conversations depending on the situation, so it’s a different question with each friend….. Most of the time, though, I just try to find something we’re both into.

13: Favourite word?

Fool. It’s great. XD I love it. Just falls out of the mouth so easily.

14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them?

A minor hurt, yes. A major hurt, no. Mostly because they kept at it even when I said something.

15: Last song I listened to?

I dunno, something by Owl City, listening to them right now, Mike’s playing them on loop while he cooks, they’re pretty awful.

17: Pirates or ninjas?

PIRATES. I love pirates, life on the sea always seemed a lot more interesting than sneaky ninja stuff. I grew up on Sinbad and I even had a couple years where I dressed up as a pirate for Halloween.

18: Movie I watch when I’m feeling down?

I usually turn to Disney or DreamWorks. I like Atlantis and Sinbad and Brother Bear.

19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song?

These are all different for me. I usually just shuffle or start on the song I’m currently into. I have softer music to wake me up, right now it’s Adagio for TRON from the Tron soundtrack by Daft Punk. I always loop new songs or old favorites, different each time.

20: Favourite video games?

Undertale and Overwatch are my obvious ones. But I also love Risk of Rain (have a whole rp based on it with my bestie), Castlevania: Lords of Shadow (I know it’s not a great game, but it was one of my first games), the Dragon Age series, Choice of Robots (I really like text based games), and the Bioshock series. I would play all of these again.

21: What am I most afraid of?

Being rejected by the people I care about and left alone. It haunts me a lot because it’s happened so many times before. It’s why I have a lot of trust issues.

22: A good quality of mine?

I’m extremely loyal to and supportive of my friends.

23: A bad quality of mine?

All the rest of them.

24: Cats or dogs?

Doggos. Doggies. Pup pups. I love them so much. And cats seem to hate me anyway???

25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they’re in?

Johnny Depp. He’s a pretty amazing actor, gotta admit. (Plus he’s one of the only actors whose name I remember)

27: Am I in a relationship?

No.

28: Something I miss?

Home. I miss home a lot.

29: My best friend?

@jebuzfish (Elina)

30: Eye colour?

Hazel, though some people say yellow??

31: Hair colour?

I’m naturally a dirty blonde. My hair is dyed black and blue and gray right now.

32: Someone I love?

Elina. Mike. Tori. Evan. Most of it is platonic love (*sing song voice* One of these is not like the others)

33: Someone I trust?

Elina. Evan. I trust Mike and Tori, but not explicitly (sorry, I still love ya guys though)

34: Someone I always think about?

Mike (mostly ‘cause he’s almost constantly with me)

35: Am I excited about anything?

Gonna go traveling soon. Excited for that. Nervous, too. Also excited for this fic Evan is writing for me (fucking amazing dude, I love you)

36: My current obsession?

…..Roadrat……..

37: Favourite TV shows as a child?

Ed, Edd, N’ Eddy. Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends. Danny Phantom. Don’t remember any others at the moment. They don’t make ‘em like they used to.

38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to?

Elina. She’s too good to me. I love her, she’s the best.

39: Am I superstitious?

No, but I always seem to end up following other people’s superstitions…

40: What do I think about most?

The future. Art. My future art career. My dog. It’s kinda hard to remember what I think the most about, I have the worst memory and a really fuzzy thought process.

41: Do I have any strange phobias?

Cold water. I hate cold water. I think I explained it some time ago….

42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?

Neither! I suck at taking photos and I hate having my photo taken. But I guess that means if I had to choose, I’d choose behind.

43: Favourite hobbies?

Writing. Reading. Drawing. Hiking…. sleeping…… (I’m tired…….)

44: Last book I read?

Lord of the Changing Winds by Rachel Neumeier (Do all of these ask thingies have this question?)

45: Last film I watched?

XXX: Return of Xander Cage. Just saw it yesterday.

46: Do I play any instruments?

I play guitar. I used to play viola, violin, and piano. Don’t remember much of that, though. Kinda regret dropping it. But hey, at least I’m pretty good at reading music.

47: Favourite animal?

Wolf. I really love wolves. Big shaggy pups.

48: Top 5 blogs on Tumblr that I follow?

@paranoid-fighter , @welcome-to-witchcraft (when did you change your name????), @jebuzfish (even  though she barely posts ‘cause she’s busy in school and doing homework….), setheverman, and jamison-junkrat (the last two I’m not tagging because I don’t know them personally and I’m fuckin’ shy….)

49: Superpower I wish I could have?

Shapeshifting. I reaaaaally wish I could shapeshift. It’d be so fucking cool. Transform into anything? Sign me the fuck up.

51: Do I like confrontation?

Nooooope. I try to go out of my way to avoid it ‘cause I generally find myself in a lot confrontation. I shut down easily. It’s not fun at all…..

52: When do I feel most at peace?

In nature, when it’s a nice windy day but it’s still warm out and the sun is setting. There’s just something relaxing about it.

53: What makes me smile?

Bad jokes, cute things, uhhhhhhhh…… my friends. Yeah. (Can’t think of much else at the moment)

54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off?

Both? I actually tend to fall asleep with the lights on, but then I wake up and turn them off. Also, I sleep during the day sometimes (most of the time) if that counts….

55: Play any sports?

Not currently, but I used to play tennis. I was pretty good. I miss playing. :C

56: What is my song of the week?

Human by Rag ‘n’ Bone Man. It’s too catchy for me to ignore.

57: Favourite drink?

Water! I used to go very long periods without water, to the point I’d catch headaches, so I quit most of the other stuff and stick to water nowadays. Also, water is freaking amazing when you’re really thirsty or it’s hot out and it’s just so great.

58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody?

Not since high school, when they made us write for the veterans or deployed soldiers (that stuff was so bullshit, not because it’s a bad thing to do but more because getting half-assed teenagers to write them is just isn’t the best). I’ve written some since then, but never sent them.

59: Afraid of heights?

Nah. I wanna go skydiving, can’t afford to be afraid of heights.

61: What was the last concert I went to see?

Muse, I think. Or was it Black Keys? It was awhile back. But lemme tell ya, Muse knows how to throw an amazing concert. Like wow. Good music and good stage presence? A+++

62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian?

None of these, I like my meats too much.

63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger?

I wanted to be a doctor, and then a vet. Gave those up in high school.

64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy?

Not that I can think of. I’ve been very picky with my friends.

65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of?

Ah geez, I dunno…. There’s a lot of different fictional universes I wanna be a part of, I don’t think I’d be able to choose one.

66: Something I worry about?

I worry about a lot. Mostly my youngest pup right now. It’s been awhile since I’ve acquired a new dog, and there’s still a lot I’m learning about her.

67: Scared of the dark?

Yes, but not for the obvious reasons. More because the dark brings quiet and with quiet comes more time for me to spend talking to myself in my head, and that’s never a good thing…

68: Who are my best friends?

Elina. Evan. I’m debating Mike.

69: What do I admire most about others?

How outgoing they are. I like people who are willing to get out there, you know? It’s hard for me myself to get up and get going, so seeing other people do it is kinda astonishing and wow. Just really awesome all together. Really admirable. I love it.

70: Can I sing?

Yes. I used to be in choir when I was a small kiddo, and I may have lost some of that, but I’m still pretty decent today, or at least I’d like to think.

71: Something I wish I could do?

Fly a plane. I love being up in the air, and that’d be a really cool thing to do. :D

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do?

Well, depends on how much I win and how I receive the money. I’d actually probably keep doing what I do now: donate as much as I can, buy a bunch of art stuff or books, and try to save the rest (I’m really awful at that hahaha….)

73: Have I ever skipped school?

Yeah. High school, back in ninth grade. Didn’t do it often though, maybe twice.

74: Favourite place on the planet?

That I’ve been to? Yellowstone has this lake, I don’t remember what it was called but it was down by the petrified tree, and I instantly fell in love. Very pretty, has a small meadow of wild flowers surrounded by the pine woods, lily pads in the water. Hell, it’s almost too beautiful to be real.

75: Where do I want to live?

I’m not sure. Somewhere with trees and snow, but pretty in the summer time. Somewhere quiet. I like Arrowhead, down here in California, but I also love the forest down by Yellowstone.

76: Do I have any pets?

I got 2 dogs, my older dog Bandit (she’s grumpy all the time) and my new pup Chara (she’s a hyperactive fluff ball with sharp teeth)

77: What is my current desktop picture?

I got it cycling through a bunch of pics, but it’s all the basic nature pics on this computer (Mike’s). My home computer is a bunch of fantasy scapes or monster designs.

78: Early bird or night owl?

Night owl. I like the stars.

79: Sunsets or sunrise?

Sunsets. I think they have richer colors, and they turn to night.

80: Can I drive?

Yes. Technically. My license is suspended right now…. I had trouble paying a ticket….. LISTEN, I’M A GREAT DRIVER OKAY? I JUST LIKE TO GO FAST

81: Story behind my last kiss?

It was a goodbye kiss. Nothing more ya need to know.

82: Earphones or headphones?

I’m picky about my headphones, and they’re a lot harder to carry around, so I actually use earphones more. But I prefer headphones.

83: Have I ever had braces?

Nah.

84: Story behind one of my scars?

I was forced to hike up a mountain through the snow, and my dad wouldn’t believe me when I said my boots were digging into me (I wasn’t wearing the right socks), so I know have matching scars on both my ankles that look like I’ve been speared through my Achilles tendons from where my shoes rubbed them bloody. But hey, I made it up the mountain.

85: Favourite genre of music?

Rock. Preferably classic rock.

86: Who is my hero?

My best friend. She’s been there for me through a lot of my troubles, and she’s been such an inspiration for me. It’s hard to believe she’s real sometimes.

87: Favourite comic book character?

I don’t really read comic books really, but between the movies and whatnot, I know a bit. I gotta say Daredevil because that’s who I grew up with.

88: What makes me really angry?

Harassing my friends. I swear, if I ever catch wind of that, you better fucking hope they say they can handle it themselves, or I’m gonna check you into the hospital one way or another.

89: Kindle or real book?

Real book, they smell nice and I like the weight in my hands.

90: Favourite sporty activity?

Swimming, though I prefer to swim in the ocean. I like the water a lot, I like to ride the waves, I like being tossed around and feeling weightless. And it’s kinda hilarious coaxing all my friends who are afraid of the ocean into the deep end where the sand drops off.

91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be?

Okay, what the hell does this mean, I’m an old person, what do you mean tight? Do you mean cool? I think places to nap would be cool. I remember that I was always tired in school (college included), and I never really felt safe napping around on the concrete benches and it was always hard to find a teacher who’d let you sleep your free time off in their classroom. It’d be cool to have a designated room with cots or blankets or something for naps.

92: What was my favourite subject at school?

Art. I really loved all art classes I could get my hands on. Following that would be science, I really like knowing the way the world works.

93: Siblings?

Nah.

94: What was the last thing I bought?

Fuck, I dunno. Antibiotics? Ice cream? Food? Probably food.

95: How tall am I?

5′2…. stop reminding me that I’m short……….

96: Can I cook?

Yes, but only basic stuff. I can boil water, make eggs, make chicken, etc. When I try to cook, I apparently don’t do it the correct way (according to Mr. I’m the cook Mike) but it still ends up tasty. (Also Mike actually tries to teach me to cook sometimes, I just don’t pay attention)

97: Can I bake?

Nope.

98: 3 things I love?

Sculpting

Doggos

Mythical creatures

99: 3 things I hate?

Loud or high pitched noises

Cold water

Carrots

100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends?

Boy friends.

101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys?

Boys. Girls are weird to understand, especially when they’re super girly. I just don’t get it?

102: Where was I born?

Fairfax, Virginia. I was born on a military base.

104: Where do I currently live?

Not too far from Los Angeles, California

105: Last person I texted?

Mike

106: Last time I cried?

Last night (you don’t need to know why)

107: Guilty pleasure?

I dunno. I don’t really feel guilty about my pleasures, that why they’re pleasures.

108: Favourite Youtuber?

I’m caught equally between Markiplier and Game Grumps.

109: A photo of myself.

You didn’t say which part of myself, so have my blanket-clad leg.

110: Do I like selfies?

No. In fact, I actually hate them…

111: Favourite game app?

Fuck, I don’t really play phone apps anymore. Severed was pretty awesome. I’d play it again.

112: My relationship with my parents?

Mom is dead, hard to have a relationship there. I speak with my dad regularly, but he’s an asshole so I try to avoid him as much as possible.

114: A place I have not been but wish to visit?

Italy. Either Florence or Venice. I’d think it’d be really fun, really cool. I wanna see all the great works of art and the architecture.

115: Favourite number?

Two. It’s my lucky number.

116: Can I juggle?

Kinda? I practice occasionally, so I can do it haltingly.

117: Am I religious?

Nope.

118: Do I like space?

Are… are we talking outer space? Or just having space? I like both…..

119: Do I like the deep ocean?

Hell yeah, weird creatures are amazing.

120: Am I much of a daredevil?

Yes and no? I need a push usually when trying something new but relatively tame (like rollerblading), but I find myself making the really outlandish suggestions (like skydiving) before everyone else

121: Am I allergic to anything?

Hohoho BOY, AM I. I’m allergic to a fuckin’ lot. Here’s a list: Celery, carrots, avocados, tree nuts, jicama, latex, and more…..

122: Can I curl my tongue?

Yep.

123: Can I wiggle my ears?

Nope.

124: Do I like clowns?

Eh. Don’t really have an opinion on them.

125: The Beatles or Elvis?

Elvis, I like more of his music

126: My current project?

Writing a Roadrat fanfic and making a late B-Day present for Mike, as well as doing a couple pieces of art for my friends.

127: Am I a bad loser?

Kinda? If it’s an argument, yes. If it’s a game, nah.

128: Do I admit when I wrong?

Yes BUT ONLY IF YOU CAN PROVE IT.

129: Forest or beach?

Forest. The salt from the beach makes me carsick on the ride home. :C

130: Favourite piece of advice?

I don’t have a favorite? All advice is good advice.

131: Am I a good liar?

Yeah, unfortunately. Grew up lying to keep out of trouble.

132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district?

Hold up, let me take some quizzes. I already know that Pottermore put me in Slytherin. I haven’t ever read or watched the Divergent series, but this quiz says I’m Erudite (that doesn’t really mean anything to me….). I’ve taken a shit ton of quizzes for my Hunger Games district, and they all came up different, but 7 came up twice, so I guess 7.

133: Do I talk to myself?

You know it.

134: Am I very social?

Not very. I don’t like new people and I don’t talk much.

135: Do I like gossip?

Nah.

136: Do I keep a journal/diary?

Not particularly, at least not regularly.

137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test?

Yes….. I don’t remember which test, but there’ve been a couple.

138: Do I believe in second chances?

Yes. But I’m reluctant to hand them out, and you only get that one extra chance.

139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do?

Turn it in to whatever place I found it, if it was inside. If it was outside, I’d try to find an identifying number I can call to hand it over.

140: Do I believe people are capable of change?

Yes. But I think it takes some major events to bring it about. It’s hard to change if you just say you’re gonna, and it takes a lot of time and determination. It’s more likely that something major would happen in their life and change them.

141: Have I ever been underweight?

No. Always liked food.

142: Am I ticklish?

Yes. My feet and that really annoying spot just above my knees….

143: Have I ever been in a submarine?

Nnnnope.

144: Have I ever been on a plane?

Yep. Several times. I love flying.

145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family?

Fuck, I dunno, I don’t know actor’s names

146: Have I ever been overweight?

Yes. I currently am by 60 pounds or so.

147: Do I have any piercings?

Yep. I have 7, all in my ears.

148: Which fictional character do I wish was real?

Fucking Alucard please, gimme that blood-thirsty vampire.

149: Do I have any tattoos?

Nah. But I want a few. Waiting to get in the right body shape before I get them.

150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far?

To start taking care of myself first before I start caring for others.

151: Do I believe in Karma?

Kinda. I believe in it but I don’t let it affect my decisions.

152: Do I wear glasses or contacts?

Neither, though I should be wearing glasses. I haven’t been to an optometrist in about 4 or 5 years. I used to wear contacts, but I gave that up ‘cause they’re expensive.

153: What was my first car?

1997 Acura CL 3.0. I’m still driving it. Great car. Though mine’s a little banged up, had a tree fall on it awhile back and ran over a road sign that tore off the bumper and popped one of my tires.

154: Do I want children?

Nah. Not particularly. Or if I do ever decide to get kids, I’d like to adopt.

155: Who is the most intelligent person I know?

That’s kinda subjective. People are intelligent on different subject matters, so I don’t really have a “most” intelligent person I know.

156: My most embarrassing memory?

Nothing happy, and nothing I’m putting up on Tumblr.

157: What makes me nostalgic?

Driving long periods of time through countryside. I’m talking like 3 hours or more.

158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter?

Yes, it’s fucking hard.

159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty?

Brains. I don’t really care for appearance.

160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe?

Black (easy to hide sweat, I get super active unexpectedly sometimes)

161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience?

I’m sure I have, I just can’t remember it.

162: What do I hate most about myself?

Physically? My chest. The rest? I hate the fact that I’m tired all the time.

163: What do I love most about myself?

I don’t really have anything I love about myself…?

164: Do I like adventure?

Yes. I love adventure. It’s great and exciting and fun

165: Do I believe in fate?

I suppose. I don’t really think much on it.

166: Favourite animal?

Wasn’t this asked before? I’ll do fantastic beast instead (not the movie). I really love dragons. They can almost literally be anything, any size, shape, and color. And they’re just really great creatures.

167: Have I ever been on radio?

Nah

168: Have I ever been on TV?

Nope.

169: How old am I?

20, about to be 21. My birthday is Groundhog Day.

170: One of my favourite quotes?

”Quoth the Raven ‘Nevermore’.” (I really just like that whole poem, it flows)

171: Do I hold grudges?

Yes, but not for long. If I have a long-standing grudge against you, you must’ve really fucked up, my friend.

172: Do I trust easily?

Yes and no? I trust people easily, but I don’t give out information about myself as easily, almost never actually.

173: Have I learnt from my mistakes?

Some of them, yeah.

174: Best gift I’ve ever received?

A hug. Seriously, no one believes me when I say I just want a hug for a gift, but a good hug is the best thing ever.

175: Do I dream?

Yeah, but not often, not that I remember.

176: Have I ever had a night terror?

Yes……

178: An experience that has made me stronger?

My mom told me to kill myself in one of our fights once. Really fucked me up mentally, but not much bothers me since.

179: If I were immortal, what would I do?

I dunno, the same stuff I’m doing now. I doubt immortality would give me the motivation to suddenly get up and do stuff…..

180: Do I like shopping?

No.

181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do?

MURDER, I HAVE A LIST.

182: What does “family” mean to me?

The people that I let close to me, not particularly bound by blood.

183: What is my spirit animal?

Woooolf. Probably. I mean, how the hell am I supposed to know?

184: How do I want to be remembered?

That crazy dude who nice but weird and went on crazy adventures and made crazy good sculptures.

185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose?

Time-management. That’s a skill, right? I need to master that.

186: What is my greatest failure?

Not being able to help my mom.

187: What is my greatest achievement?

Making it through high school alive. (That’s not a joke)

188: Love or money?

Love. I don’t particularly care about being rich.

189: Love or career?

Career. I do care about loving my career and being happy with what I do. I’m more of an independent person anyway.

190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go?

ANYWHERE IN THE LATE 1700′S TO EARLY 1800′S LITERALLY ANYWHERE

191: What makes me the happiest?

My dogs and my best friend. They are the greatest.

192: What is “home” to me?

I don’t have a “home” right now. I have places I sleep.

193: What motivates me?

I don’t really have motivation…. One of my many problems……..

194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be?

Fuck

195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens?

I dunno, maybe? If they’re more towards being friendly and helpful instead of trying to harvest this world’s resources like all the movies portray them to do.

196: A movie that scared me as a child?

None. I had no fear as a kid, I developed that in my late teens.

197: Something I hated as a child that I like now?

Brussel sprouts are really fuckin’ tasty

198: Zombies or vampires?

Vampires. I prefer my immortal friends not to be rotting out in the heat and to stay up all night with me without asking for brains.

199: Live in the city or suburbs?

Suburbs. I hate the crowdedness and clutter of the city.

200: Dragons or wizards?

DRAGONS I CHOOSE DRAGONS PLEASE I WOULD LITERALLY GO AROUND KILLING ALL THE WIZARDS JUST TO GET A SINGLE DRAGON

201: A nightmare that has stayed with me?

Too dark for the internet. Involves death followed by murder followed by skinning people.

202: How do I define love?

I don’t know, that’s the trouble with it. I don’t know how to define love.

203: Do I judge a book by its cover?

Nah. Maybe a bit by first impressions, but that’s why I let people have chances.

204: Have I ever had my heart broken?

Yes.

205: Do I like my handwriting?

No, it’s not pretty, but I’m happy that it’s legible.

206: Sweet or savoury?

Fuck. Fuck. I’m stuck between the two. Do I have to choose???? Uhhhhh. UUUUUH. I… I suppose savory. I can get sick of sweet, but I don’t think I can get sick of savory.

207: Worst job I’ve had?

I worked for my dad for a bit, and then he undid all my work. Not an official job, does it count?

208: Do I collect anything?

Bones. I have a small collection of bones (mostly teeth and skulls)

209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without?

I don’t have anything I’ve kept on me for long periods of time. I mean, I guess I’m starting to keep this ring and necklace on a lot, but nothing before these and these were in the past month or so.

210: What is on my bucket list?

I don’t really have a bucket list, I don’t really plan for things…. I just kinda take life as it comes at me.

211: How do I handle anger?

I bottle it up and wait for it to die down before going back and revisiting whatever made me angry.

212: Was I named after anyone?

Nah.

213: Do I use sarcasm a lot?

Do I use sarcasm a lot. Hmmm. Lemme think on it…. Nah, can’t say that I do. (Yes, I use it a whole lot XD)

214: What TV character am I most like?

Ah geez, you want me to start comparing TV characters to myself? I barely even watch TV! I dunno…..

215: What is the weirdest talent I have?

I can make a bunch of weird faces that either usually scare my friends or make them laugh. I dunno if that’s a talent, though….

216: Favourite fictional character?

Alucard. First character I really fell in love with, really…..

Are you happy, anon? This took me two days.Two days (mostly because I sleep a lot but still). This is like the ask list of all ask lists. I don’t even know if there are any more that have questions I haven’t answered. You guys know me better than most of my friends! I’m gonna be off ask lists for awhile. You wanna know something about me, drop an ask in my inbox without a number….

[susielindau]

Every year I try to avoid the crazy stress of the the holidays and recapture the magic of Christmas. “Oh, sure,” you’re thinking. With the cards and the decorating, when do I have time? I have my moments when I am swept up and experience that wonderful feeling where anything is possible. You can too.

One year when I was a little kid, my dad drove us around the neighborhood on Christmas Eve. As we approached the top of the hill, he told my sister, Patty, and me that Santa Claus came early this year. I pressed my nose against the cold window and glimpsed Christmas lights twinkling behind our building. When he opened the apartment door, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Santa had come while we were away. Loads of presents lay under the tinseled tree. I never saw those Christmas lights behind our apartment again, but from that night on I knew Santa decorated his sleigh with Christmas lights. I believed.

Flash forward to fifth grade. Ms. Shavink introduced herself to our class and gave us a preview to the coming year including “Becoming a Person,” classes; Catholic sex-ed classes without the sex.

“How many of you still believe in Santa?” she asked. I sprang from my chair and looked around at only four other kids. The rest of the class laughed hysterically. To say that I was embarrassed would be logical, but I argued with my friends about the magic of Christmas during every recess until I ran home after school.

I asked my mom about it. “Of course, there’s no Santa Claus. I thought you knew.” I ate my afternoon snack in disbelief.  Magic had represented hope, possibilities, and miracles. The world seemed duller. Grayer. Less fun.

That was the worst Christmas ever.

I grew up.

I endured those non-sex-ed classes and learned all kinds of horrible things like I was going to bleed once a month, forever. It took me a while longer to find out how babies were made. I had a harder time believing that couples actually engaged in that sort of activity than Santa didn’t exist.

When I had my own children, I recaptured the magic of Christmas.

Remembering the colorful lights that night behind our apartment, I tossed as many strings of holiday lights as our trees could hold. Okay, so that’s not true since I literally threw them. But, our home made the top 10 list for Christmas lights several years running.

Danny and I owned a toy and school supply business in Denver so he would bring trash bags of gifts home on Christmas Eve. We would stay up until 4:00 AM wrapping them since that’s what his Santa Claus did. I still yawn just thinking about how I lost that argument, every year.

On Christmas morning, we made the kids sit on the stairs and wait until all the relatives were dressed. Then, after what must have seemed like a lifetime and with the camcorder rolling, we’d let them run in their footy pajamas to the tree. The joy on their faces reflected the magic was alive and well in the Lindau household.

The summer before fifth grade we had the sex talk with our children and let them down about Santa. They were wide eyed about sex but already knew about the jolly fellow. Kids these days.

That didn’t stop me from keeping the magic alive.

After taking a tour of Patsy Ramsey’s house on a holiday home tour, (yes, THE Patsy Ramsey), I discovered decorating could be taken up a huge notch. Read this post to find out how she ruined my life. After the tour, I made wreaths, swags and sashed out our entire home. I added lights to all the greenery to make the house twinkle from the inside out.

Illustrating Christmas cards captures magic too. Have you seen what we are doing in some of these cards? That’s called artistic license. Creating something out of nothing more than paper and a felt tip is magical too. Especially for me, since I’m terrified before drawing them every year. I worry that I won’t be able to pull it off let alone get any likenesses of the family.

Suspension of disbelief.

We have all experienced this while reading or watching movies. In Elf, I still get a rush when Buddy, Will Ferrell, shows his dad, James Caan, that Santa is real, alive, and well. When he rides in Santa’s sleigh over New Yorkers in Central Park, my heart always swells. I’m in the moment and believe.

Imagine it, embrace it, believe in your dreams and you might be surprised.

Thing is, miracles do happen. I’m sure you have your stories. I have mine. There are times in our lives when we need to hold onto the hope of the farfetched, the unreachable, the impossible goal. Suspend disbelief. For a moment, magic will feel real to you too.

Every so often, when unpacking a garland or setting up my Christmas village, I am swept up into that giant hug of Christmas. I’m a kid again who believes in magic. Anything is possible. Instead of hoping for tons of gifts under the Christmas tree, I’m grateful for family who comes to share the holidays. I hope for continued health, dreams coming true, and many Christmas celebrations to come.

Sometimes we even jump for joy!

Christmas is a magical time of year. Don’t let it slip past you. Slow down and enjoy the moments.

When your heart swells, you’re filled with joy, or you feel like a little kid again, you will know that you have discovered magic this holiday season. You might have even suspended disbelief. Then, anything is possible.

Click for more adventure and inspiration on the Wild Ride.

Related posts:

Win a Handmade Christmas Card! 2018

10 Life Hacks in Time for the Holidays!

How Patsy Ramsey Ruined My Life!

Recapture the Magic of Christmas Every year I try to avoid the crazy stress of the the holidays and recapture the magic of Christmas.

[cinephiled-com]

New Post has been published on Cinephiled

New Post has been published on http://www.cinephiled.com/interview-take-noseplease-offers-funny-insightful-look-comedians-plastic-surgery/

Interview: ‘Take My Nose…Please!’ Offers a Funny, Insightful Look at Comedians and Plastic Surgery

Joan Kron’s Take My Nose…Please! is a seriously funny and wickedly subversive look at the role comedy has played in exposing the pressures on women to be attractive. The documentary astutely examines society’s desire/shame relationship with plastic surgery.  More than 15 million cosmetic procedures are performed each year in the United States, 90% on women. Yet, for those who elect to tinker with Mother Nature, especially for high-profile women, plastic surgery is still a very dark secret.  Funny women, though, are the exception.  From Phyllis Diller and Joan Rivers to Roseanne Barr and Kathy Griffin, comedians have been unashamed to talk about their perceived flaws, and the steps taken to remedy them. For these dames, cosmetic surgery isn’t vanity, it’s affirmative action — compensation for the unfair distribution of youthfulness and beauty! By admitting what their sisters in drama deny, comic performers speak to women who feel the same pressures. The documentary follows two comedians as they deliberate about going under the knife. Emily Askin, an up-and coming improv performer, has always wanted her nose refined. Jackie Hoffman, a seasoned headliner on Broadway and TV, considers herself ugly and regrets not having the nose job offered in her teens. And maybe she’d like a face-lift, as well. As we follow their surprisingly emotional stories, we meet other who have taken the leap — or held out. I sat down with the very impressive first-time director Joan Kron who, incidentally, will be turning 90 later this year.

Danny Miller: I can’t remember the last time I laughed that much during a documentary — starting with that hilarious bit by Margaret Cho. I’ve always been a huge fan of Jackie Hoffman and I enjoyed hearing Emily Askin’s story. Even though women in comedy tend to be more open about such things, it was still very brave of them to put their process out there for everyone to see. Did getting them to agree to be profiled in the film take some convincing?

Joan Kron: You know, once they understood what it was about, they were very happy to talk to me on camera. They were both so honest and natural in front of the camera. Jackie never once edited herself or said, “Please don’t use that!” Emily didn’t either. In fact, I had no idea going in about some of the things she was going to reveal in the film.

It was remarkable how open she was about her past.

I can tell you how that happened. I was in Pittsburgh filming Emily performing with her improv group and we were at her mother’s house getting ready for an interview. At the time, I was thinking that the film needed more emotion, and I asked Emily, “What can I ask your mother that will trigger some emotion? And she said, “Well, you can ask her about the time I tried to kill myself.” And I said. Whoa! What?! She explained that when she was young she was molested by a family member. I did end up talking to her mother on camera about that and I think it added a lot of nuance to Emily’s story.

Totally. Including her feeling of empowerment in deciding to go down that road. “This is MY body, MY face, this is what I want to do” — not doing it in any way to please other people.

That’s it. Emily hit every point I wanted the film to convey. I got so lucky in finding her.

But you didn’t know with Emily or Jackie that their exploration would actually end with surgery?

No, I had no idea! I just knew they were thinking about it and they agreed to be filmed as they went through the process. Of course, I had absolutely no say in their decision, I would have been totally fine if they had decided not to go through with it.

The film presents such a refreshing view of this topic since most coverage we get in the media is all about the freak show element — horrifying examples of plastic surgery gone bad or people who clearly have issues going on and do way too much to alter their appearance.

Exactly. I really hate that freak show element. I’m always troubled by films and TV shows about plastic surgery because everything they give us is so exaggerated. I get it — they’re trying to make drama, they’re trying to make entertainment, they’re not going to pick somebody who says, “I would just like my nose to be slightly smaller,” they want to bring in people who are in the extreme. I’ve written about plastic surgery for many years so I’ve appeared in some of these films as a talking head, but then when I see the finished product, I always think “No, that is not the full picture.” That’s why I wanted to make this film, to show a more typical process that people go through without the freak show component.

Does it bother you when people call this film a “defense” of plastic surgery?

I did not want to make a film “for” or “against” it. If someone sees it that way, that’s their right, but that’s not what I set out to do. My goal was simply to make a realistic portrait of plastic surgery seen through the eyes of comedians. I chose to focus on comedians because they are the only people in the public eye who have been honest about their own procedures. I always say that most of Hollywood has taken the “Hypocritical Oath” — to deny it in public but do it in private! But comedians, to their credit, talk about their vulnerabilities, their problems, their issues with their apeparance, and many have been quite open about plastic surgery. They have really educated the public — I think of it as a public service, telling women what is available and possible without focusing on all the extreme scenarios.

It’s so fun to see all the footage in your film of the great comedians of my childhood: Totie Fields, Phyllis Diller, and of course, Joan Rivers. Do you think if Joan had lived, you’d have had her in the film?

Oh, she was definitely going to be in it — I knew Joan and we discussed it. I had done stories about her plastic surgeries from beginning to end, she gave her doctors permission to talk to me. Of course, a lot of people think Joan died while having plastic surgery but that’s not true. She was having an endoscopic procedure because she had some polyps on her vocal cords and was worried about her voice. It had absolutely nothing to do with plastic surgery but a lot of people wanted to believe that because it fit in with their morality play that bad things happen to people who get plastic surgery.

And, of course, we are such a judgmental society that we’re either saying “Ew, she’s let herself go!” or “Ew, she’s had work done.”

Exactly.

Jackie Hoffman is just hilarious in the documentary while being so vulnerable and honest. How did she react to the finished film?

She didn’t want to see it at first because she doesn’t like watching herself. Finally, I said, “Jackie, you have to see it!” and dragged her to my house for a screening. She was nervous but she loved it. She even laughed at all her own jokes! She’s come to a few screenings, too. At one Q&A after a screening in New York, someone asked her, “So, Jackie, if you had it to do over, do you regret having the surgery?” She said, “Regret it? I love it! I even went back to have my eyes and chin done!”

It’s interesting to watch both Jackie and Emily navigate their decisions in the context of their relationships. Of course, both of their partners were extremely supportive and not in any way pressuring them to go through with it. That would have put their stories in a different light.

Yes, people are surprised by that because they’re so used to thinking that women do it for the men in their lives which I think is another old wives’ tale. I mean, yes, of course there are some men who do encourage the women they’re with to get plastic surgery, but to be honest, that’s mostly about breasts — a body part I wasn’t covering at all in my film! (Laughs.)

Joan, I know you don’t make a big deal about your age, but I have to say how inspiring it is that you would make your first film at the age of 89.

Thank you. I’ve never been shy about taking on big projects — not in the movie world until now, but in other areas. In the 60s I put together huge art exhibitions. And my husband and I had a buffalo ranch for many years. So I thought, “Well, if I can understand how to raise a buffalo, I can do anything.” Buffalos are wild animals — you don’t go up to a buffalo and pat it, they don’t go into a barn at night. At the height of our ranch, we had a hundred head of buffalo and two breeding bulls that were about 3,000 pounds each. If they see a pasture they want to go to, there’s no holding them back, they’ll just knock down any iron barriers they see.

I’ve never heard a better metaphor for the film industry! I’m personally inspired by the diversity of your career.

I graduated from Yale Drama School in 1948. I wanted to be a costume designer and I worked in the theater and did a lot of early television. The main thing I had to learn was resourcefulness — how to make something out of nothing since we often had hardly any budget. I remember working on a production of Androcles and the Lion off-Broadway and figuring out how to use a $2.00 mop for the lion! So being resourceful is just a way of life for me.